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#friendship yes - over the course of the 14+ million
unfxrgetwble · 7 months
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through time
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Paring: Calum Hood x fem!reader
Warning: swearing & crying
Summary: Watching 5sos play Gotta Get Out makes you look back over the past ten years.
Word count: 3k
Author’s note: this is the first fanfic i have written since i was like 14 so plz be nice <3
enjoy!
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
2021
5SOS SHOW
You have been friends with the boys since the beginning of their career. You were one of the 11 people at their first show. You went to their rehearsals at Luke's moms house. And now you were sitting on the side watching them record their 10 year anniversary show. They were filming Gotta Get Out and your mind starts having flashbacks to the past 10 years.
2011
You are there sitting behind the camera as Luke and Michael tune their guitars and Calum and Ash set up the mics. They all sit down on their respective seats. You give them a countdown and then start the camera. Luke starts to play the guitar followed by ash on the drums (whatever that thing is). You make eye contact with calum and blush. You knew the boys from school and had a small crush on Calum so when Luke asked you to help with the video you obviously said yes. You had a little bit of experience with videography. By the time you zone back in they had finished the song. You told them you would edit it and get it back to them. You head back home and edit the video and send it back to them. The next day calum sees you after school
“(Y/N) (Y/N)” Cal is practically screaming. You whip your head around to see who is screaming at you. “We are going viral” he says out of breath.
“Wait, slow down cal. What? Y’all are going viral?” You say questioning.
“The video you edited for us, it’s going viral” he says as he finally catches his breath.
“That’s amazing! I’m so happy for you” you say, grabbing his shoulders. He pulls you into a hug out of excitement. It takes you a second to realize that he is hugging you then you hug back. You both pull away with red tinting both of your cheeks.
“Me and the boys would like it if you helped with our videos from now on.”
You agreed and from then on you helped with all of their video stuff from covers to vlogs.
2013
You were there when they launched their first ep. You were there when they went to London. You were sitting with them when Heartbreak Girl hit 1 million views. You were there for the try hard music video. When they told you that they were going on tour with 1D you were over the moon. You were so proud of them. When they asked you to go with them you almost started crying because that meant that you got to meet the One Direction. Of course you said yes. You went to America with them and helped film and edit the LA Vlogs. You traveled the world with them and you became so close with all of them. But you grew extremely close to calum. You would say he was your best friend. You still had your crush on him but you never said anything. You had also grown kinda close to Niall which made Calum a little jealous but he never brought it up.
2014
Release of 5 Seconds of Summer
You went on the Rock Out With Your Socks Out Tour that supported the album. Calum’s feelings for you had grown but he had always pushed them to the back of his mind due to fear of messing up the dynamic of your friendship with the band and also out of fear of the public. He had seen how other celebrities’ girlfriends had gotten hate and didn’t want you to experience that. But Luke, Micheal and Ash knew how you both felt and tried to get yall together but it just went right over both of your
2015
The release of SGFG
There were so many people there and you didn’t know a lot of them. You were always behind the camera. People knew of you but you were never in the spotlight. You were always the support. And now you were in a room full of people who live in the spotlight. There were flashing lights and loud music so you found a small couch in the corner and were sitting by yourself.
“(Y/n) how are you enjoying the party,” Luke had come up to me without me knowing.
“God Luke, you can’t sneak up on me like that dude.”
“Sorry man, I just saw you sitting by yourself and came to check on you” he says sympathetically.
“I’m okay I just don’t know a lot of people here,” you say quietly.
“Well I think Cal is looking for you and you know him” he says in a teasing tone while poking your side.
“Shut up please, I’ll go find him in a little bit” you say, slapping his hand away. He gets up, gives you a wink and then turns to leave. Now you are sat there thinking about all the feelings you have for Cal that you have bottled up over the past 4 years. You have been with him and the band for so long. You loved him. You couldn’t deny it much longer. When you were with him you were always laughing. He knew you like the back of his hand and vice versa. When you were upset you would always make you laugh by telling a stupid joke or something along those lines. When he was upset you would always help him work it through. He loved you for that. You were so intune with your emotions and gave the best advice. You were about to get up to find him and you see him standing there in the light looking like a god. He had on a graphic tee with black skinny jeans and converse. He looked beautiful in the lights. You get and walk over to him.
“(Y/N) you look amazing tonight, are you having fun?” He says yelling over the music.
“ Hey Cal, you look great, I’m having fun, Luke said you were looking for me” you yell.
“ Well I’m always looking for you”he says winking “but i just wanted to check on you, make sure you were having fun.”
You are slightly blushing now that you were used to him flirting. “Yeah, I’m having a good time, i might go home soon. You know this isn’t really my scene.”
“Aww (Y/n), please don’t go. We can have fun, I promise.”
“Idk cal, you know I’m not the party type.”
“(Y/n) please don’t make me beg.” He says starting to get on his knees. Now you are beet red. You grab Calum's arms and pull him up.
“Fine cal, I’ll stay” His face lights up as he pulls you into a hug. You end up having an amazing time. Playfully flirting back and forth all night.
2018
The release of Youngblood.
You went on tour with them for the Meet You There Tour. After one of the LA shows you all went to a bar to celebrate. You sat at the bar waiting to get a drink, the boys were sat up in the VIP section with drinks in their hands. While you are waiting for your drink, you look over and see Cal sat next to this beautiful girl. She had long blonde hair in a tight beautiful dress. You couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. So after you got your drink you continued to sit at the bar instead going back to the VIP section. You then felt a little tap on your shoulder , you turn around and see the one and only Niall Horan. You stood up and gave him a hug.
“Niall, oh my goodness, it's so good to see you. It’s been years. How have you been?” You say stepping back from your hug.
“Oh (Y/n), it is amazing to see you. I am good. You look amazing!” He says gesturing to you.
“Thank you so much Niall.” You say as you finish your drink, then ask for another one. You are hammering back drinking while having a conversation with Niall. By the end of your 30 minute long conversation you are pretty drunk. At this point you are telling Niall about how you are in love with Cal and you are jealous of the girl who was sitting next to him.
“(Y/n), what girl? Calum is sitting by himself staring at you”, he says matter of factly.
“What are you talking about? There was a gorgeous girl sitting next to him. She was all over him” you say, kind of slurring your words. He turns your body to look at the VIP section and Cal was sitting there by himself staring you down.
Calum had just sat down when this blonde girl came over to him. He looks over at her as she sits down. She starts to speak and he’s pretending to listen. He didn’t want to talk to other girls, he was just waiting on you to get back to save him. He finally realizes that you are taking so long so he turns away from the girl to see you hugging Niall. He watched as you talk to Niall and he has a pain in his chest. He watches you talk to Niall and you look absolutely stunning. All the feelings of jealousy from when they were on tour with 1D came rushing back. At this point the girl had gotten up because Cal was ignoring her. When Niall turn you towards him, you make eye contact with him. He stands up and walks over you. Niall says hey to cal and gives him a hug and hands you off to him.
“(Y/n) how much have you had to drink?” He says with worry as you almost fall out of your chair.
“I have no idea but why do you care? Why don’t you go talk to that blonde chick.” You slurred with an attitude.
“ What are you taking about?” He says and then you point in the direction of the girl. He looks over his shoulder and scoffs.
“I didnt want to talk to her. I was waiting on you to save me and you didn’t come back.” He states as he helps you stand.” Im taking you home. You are so drunk.”
You finally made it outside and you can’t help but stare at him. He is wearing black jeans, a white button up with a leather jacket and black boots. He looked so good.
“ Cal, I can’t do this much longer” you say with tears brimming your eyes.
“Do what (Y/n)?” He asked, confused.
“ I can’t keep watching girls obsess over you and not be able to call you mine. I'm so in love with you it hurts. I have liked you for the past 7 years, and I never said anything because I didn’t want to hold you back but seeing you with that gorgeous girl hurt. I couldn’t stop telling Niall about you. I talked about you almost the whole time. You are everything I have ever wanted. You are so kind and so thoughtful. You always know how to make me laugh and cheer me up when I’m crying. I don’t ever want to lose you but I can't sit back and not tell you how I feel. I just have to get it out. My feelings for you are so strong I just have to tell you.” At this point you are crying, tears streaming down your face. Calum looks so conflicted. There are so many thoughts running through his head. He is so happy that you liked him back, he was confused as why you thought that he was interested in other girls. He was sad that you were crying and he didn’t know what to do. After a good minute of silence he grabs your face, wipes your tears, and kisses you. You were shocked and it took you a second to kiss him back.
“You are drunk, lets get you home and we can talk about it in the morning.” He says and he takes your hand and starts walking home. The next morning you wake up with a headache and an arm wrapped around your waist. You turn around to see Cal laying next to you.
“Good morning, love.” He says with a deep morning voice.
“Goodmorning, what happened last night?” You ask with worry on your face.
“Well you got jealous, got drunk and then confessed your love to me, and then when we back here you told me you didnt want to sleep alone so i stayed over” he says nonchalantly.
“Fuck. Cal Im so sorry, I didnt want to tell you because I didnt want to make things weird between us, you are my best friend.” You put your head in your hands embarrassed.
“Do you mean it?” He ask.
‘What?’
“Do you mean it (Y/n)?”
“Yeah” you say looking at him. He grabs your face and he kisses you. You kiss back, and you felt a spark. When you finally pull away he just looks at you.
“(Y/n) I practically begged Luke to ask you to film that video. I have had a crush on you since year 9. I never had a reason to talk to you but I knew you liked videography so I mentioned you to the boys and Luke said you were friends. I would not leave him alone until he asked you. There were so many times that I wanted to confess by undying love for you but I chicken out. Like at the release party for Sounds Good Feels Good. Luke came up to me and told me that I should do it and that he told you that I was looking for you but when I saw you I got nervous. You are my dream girl but I never wanted to put you in a weird position and I didnt want you to get hate if you did like me back.” He confesses while holding your face in his hands.
2020
The release of CALM
You were in lockdown with your boyfriend of three years, Calum. You had kept your relationship with him a secret and the fans didn't think anything different because you were always around. They had their theories but they have had them since the boys got big, but you were a pretty private person. You had just made dinner for you and Cal. You had made your plates, feed Duke, and you make your way to Cal’s office to give him his dinner because he is on a call with the boys. You walk in, place his food down and kiss his head and as your are about to leave he just kinda looks at you with worry in his eyes.
“What’s wrong babe?” You ask with a worried look on your face. He looks at the computer then tells the boys he will be right back and puts himself of mute.
“Love, this is live. So now I think this means our relationship is public.”
“What?” You ask with shock on your face.
“You just called me babe and kissed me on stream.” He says calmly.
“Are you mad at me?” You ask holding is hand in yours.
“What? No love, I’m not mad at all. It is kinda funny, and now i get to finally post all of the cute pictures i have of you and duke.” He says with the laugh you love so much.
“Okay baby. Im sorry to interrupt,” and you kiss him as you leave. He goes back to the live stream and says “Well I guess its out, that is my girlfriend (Y/n). Some of you might know her she used to film all our vlogs back in like 2014. She has been friends with us since the beginning.” Luke chimes in with “be nice to her” and Michael and Ash backing him up. As you get back to the kitchen to eat Duke jumps up in your lap and you decide to check twitter and you are getting so many followers and many tweets of the clip from the live stream. You got a little bit of hate but so much love. You decide to tweet a picture of Cal and duke with the caption “now that we are public, here is a picture that Cal took on my phone of him and duke” and immediately there were so many replies and it was mainly people saying that they were excited for all the cal content they would get. It made you giggle but you shut your phone off and finished your dinner.
2021
5SOS SHOW
As all those memories flood though your mind you begin to tear up. Watching the boys sing Gotta Get Out has reminded you of where they had come from and how proud of them you were. You have watched them grow and come so far. They had just finished singing and Calum looks over to you and walks over to you. He grabs your face and looks into your eyes.
“My love, what’s wrong?” He says kind of giggling.
“I'm just so proud of you and the boys. I was there when you first filmed this song and I have watched you all grow so much. I'm just so proud of y’all.” You say as tears stream your face. Chrystal and Sierra had seen you crying and were right by your side. You had grown very close to the girls over the last couple of years. Soon all the boys were all around you too. The girls had heard your explanation to Cal, but the boys were so concerned. You looked at Cal standing next to Ash, Micheal, and Luke and started crying more. They just look at Cal with so much concern.
You finally calm down and say, “I am so proud of you boys. I have loved being able to be here throughout your entire careers, you have done huge things and seeing you play that song the same way it was the first time I heard it was surreal. I have watched you go from 14 year old boys to men and it is amazing. You guys are my family and I’m just so proud.”
They all gather around you and give you a big group hug.
“We wouldn’t be the people we are today without you (N/n),” Luke says.
“You were our rock during so many crazy times,” Ashton adds.
“You helped shape 5sos, you kept us going when we wanted to quit,” Micheal blurted out.
You were in full blown tears now, and cal looks at you and says “You were what we needed when we didn't know we needed it. You are the band's backbone. You may not have been in the spotlight, and you may have not told you but we love you and like what Luke says we wouldn’t be here without you. We love you. But I think I love you in a bit of a different way though.” He kisses you on the head and you give him a big hug and when you pull away you give Luke, Micheal, and Ash hugs.
★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★
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devils-dares · 1 year
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can you do #14 from the childhood friends to lovers with matty please!?! love you 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
#14 - being the first one the other calls when they need someone to talk to
wordcount: 508
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He was in the middle of a tense meeting, negotiations were currently taking place and there should have been no distractions. Yet, his words stuttered when he heard his phone spew your name from his office. You’d never call him, not unless it was something serious, and he needed to make sure you were okay without leaving this negotiation with half-assed promises.
Finally, he heard the telltale signs of the meeting drawing to a close, the heart rates. settled, silent sighs were released, and finally, finally, the other man stood with his hand outstretched, which Foggy shook. As soon as the man rounded the corner, Matt damn near sprinted to his office, fumbling with his phone before managing to find the redial button.
“Matty?” He hears your voice say.
“Yeah, hi, it’s me. Sorry I couldn’t answer earlier, had a meeting.”
“Oh, and I’m not disturbing you now, am I?”
“No, not at all, don’t worry your head about that. What’s wrong?”
“Just, y’know, it’s been a long day and I wanted someone familiar to talk to.”
“Okay, I’m here for you now.”
“Can you tell me about your day?” He laughs heartily.
“You sure? It’s gonna be boring.”
“Boring’s good.” He doesn’t want to press on about your day, so he tells you about his own. He goes into detail about the negotiations, laughing when you agreed that it was boring.
“What are you having for dinner tonight?” He asks.
“Why do you ask?”
“I could take you out tonight? My treat of course.”
“I can’t ask you to-”
“You’re not asking, I’m offering.”
“Matt.”
“Just say yes.”
“Okay, fine. We can have dinner tonight.”
“I’ll pick you up at seven?”
“Seven works, seven’s perfect.”
“Okay, I love you, okay? I care about you.”
“I know, that’s why I called you.”
“So I’ll meet you tonight.”
“Yeah,” you say, voice a little shaky, “see you tonight.” He lets you hang up first and sighs.
“They okay?” Foggy asks. Matt shakes his head.
“I’m taking them out tonight though, see if I can distract them if I can’t find out what’s going on.”
“That’s good,” he says, “but make sure you take care of yourself too. I know how you feel about them.” Matt smiles sadly.
“Yeah, but I’d put my feelings to the side forever if it meant they were okay.”
“That’s what I’m scared about.” He pats Matt on the shoulder and walks away.
Matt rubs his face, sighing into the palm of his hand. He’d hurt himself a million times over for you, he couldn’t bear to burn the bridges of your friendship over a crush.
He straightened his tie and checked the time on his phone. The clock was nearing six, the meeting having run over a few hours due to semantics. Throwing on his suit coat, he cleared his throat before stepping out of the office, heading straight for you. He’d be a fool for not telling you how he felt, but he’d be damned if he wasn’t a friend for you first.
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lilyoffandoms · 2 years
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4, 11, 14, 19, 40
I would ask more but I guess I'll leave something for other people
Of course you asked #11 😂
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
You cannot make me! I will not even write it! I despise it with every fiber of my being!
11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?
Why did I know this one would be on your to ask list? hehe I believe that darlings can and should be killed if and only if it serves a purpose for furthering the story. I dislike books that kill characters for the sake of killing them and nothing else. I always struggle to kill off anyone, but yes, I have a darling graveyard and I do grieve for them and their sacrifice.
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?
I don’t like to lend books. I rarely do. They are my babies and I love them and now where each and everyone of them is. I only have one book I’ve never gotten back but I was too chicken to ask for it back from that person. Right now, I have two books on loan to others and one I keep inquiring about to the point the friend asked if I’d feel better with some collateral for the book 😂
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
I started writing fanfic after a coworker suggested it as a method of breaking my nonfic writers block when I had a deadline fast fast approaching. She didn’t suggest fanfic but said to write something entirely different and crazy. Something I never in a million years would have thought to write. Now I much prefer writing fiction over nonfiction but fiction don’t pay my bills 😭 (hopefully one day it will).
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
I’m going to share a poem I read recently (since I rarely write the stuff myself) by Emily Brontë) on “Love and Friendship”
Love is like the wild rose-briar,
Friendship like the holly-tree —
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most constantly?
The wild-rose briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who will call the wild-briar fair?
Then scorn the silly rose-wreath now
And deck thee with the holly’s sheen,
That when December blights thy brow
He may still leave thy garland green.
——————————
[Weird Questions For Writers]
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All that mattered--even in the wake of his own final battle with Thanos--was that Tony survived. At all costs. And it had hurt like hell to give up the Time Stone, as though some vital part of his own life force had become invested in it, but Stephen knew that pain was only finite--for soon enough he would be erased from the equation.
from the next chapter of my fic, 14,000,604
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tcm · 3 years
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The Whacky, Unforgettable Comedies of Paramount Pictures By Donald Liebenson
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In Road to Utopia (‘45), Bob Hope and Bing Crosby are on the road again. “Case those trees, that snow, that scenery and that sky,” Bing exclaims as he and Bob sled across the Yukon. Noting a familiar-looking mountain, Bob adds, “And get a load of that bread and butter.” “That’s a mountain,” Bing corrects him. “May be a mountain to you, but it’s bread and butter to me,” insists Bob, as a semi-circle of stars materializes to arc the peak and recreate the Paramount Pictures logo.
Paramount was bread and butter to a murderer’s row of actors, entertainers and comedy teams who helped establish the studio as being to comedy what MGM was to musicals, Warner Bros. to gangster pictures and Universal to horror films. On January 26, TCM is offering up a mini-Paramount-palooza with three comedies and stars that defined their eras: I’m No Angel (‘33) starring Mae West; Road to Utopia with Bing Crosby and Bob Hope; and The Nutty Professor (‘63) starring Jerry Lewis in his signature Jekyll and Hyde role portraying the milquetoast, accident-prone Professor Kelp and self-described “world’s greatest everything,” Buddy Love.
Paramount comedies, especially of the 1930s and ‘40s, were the smartest, the silliest and the screwiest (and that’s only the s’s). Comedy was a priority for Paramount in the silent era, and once sound came in, the studio was uniquely positioned to sign the biggest comedy stars of Broadway, vaudeville and radio for shorts and features, according to Dr. Joseph Casper, an Alma and Alfred Hitchcock Professor of American Film at the University of Southern California.
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“Paramount owned most of the downtown theaters, including the Balaban and Katz chain, which was the largest circuit of first-run theaters,” he noted. “Those theaters featured movies and vaudeville entertainers. Paramount also had an interest in radio, and with its studio based in Astoria, NY, they could also see who was clicking with audiences on the Broadway stages.”
In addition to West, Hope and Crosby and Lewis, here is only a partial list of the comedy icons in Paramount’s stable: W. C. Fields, the Marx Brothers, George Burns and Gracie Allen, Jack Benny, Eddie Cantor, George Jessel, Jack Oakie and Charlie Ruggles (and his frequent costar Mary Boland).
Mae West came to Paramount with a Broadway pedigree and a 10-day jail sentence as the writer and star of the then-scandalous play, Sex. She was only a supporting character in the George Raft vehicle, Night After Night (‘32), her screen debut, but she made an indelible first impression. As Mae saunters into a night club, the coat-check girl greets her with, “Goodness, what diamonds.” Without breaking her stride, West coos, “Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.” She stole everything but the cameras, as George Raft said afterward of his costar. Her first starring role in She Done Him Wrong (‘33) established her persona as a “sexual gangster,” as modern-day burlesque queen Dita Von Teese dubbed her in the recent documentary Dirty Blonde (2020). Its box-office success is credited with saving Paramount from bankruptcy. I’m No Angel, the follow-up, was an even bigger box-office hit. 
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What makes it Paramount? In pre-Code Hollywood, Paramount did not try to tame or censor the wild, wild West of moviemaking. “When I’m good, I’m very good,” she tells co-star Cary Grant. “When I’m bad, I’m better.” As Tira, a carnival dancer and lion tamer, West is bold and independent. She needs no man to bail her out of trouble. In I’m No Angel, she takes it upon herself to conduct a courtroom cross-examination to unapologetically defend her sullied reputation. No wonder that she, along with the Marx Brothers and W.C. Fields, were rediscovered and embraced by Vietnam War-era college students for whom West, with her subversive attitudes and flouting of authority and convention, was a kindred iconoclastic spirit.
Road to Utopia was the fourth, and arguably funniest, of the seven Road to… films. For the record, I rank them: 
Utopia, Morocco (‘42), Bali (‘52), Rio (‘47), Zanzibar (‘41), Singapore (‘40) and Hong Kong (‘62). Yes, I rank Bali over Rio (I look forward to your comments). Utopia was a franchise-best at the box office.
What makes it Paramount? It’s everything you love in a Road film, plus humorist Robert Benchley wryly kibbitzing from the sidelines. The Oscar-nominated script contains some of the series’ best character-defining gags, such as the indelible moment when Hope, trying to pass himself off as a feared killer, saunters up to a bar, orders a lemonade and then quickly course-corrects, “In a dirty glass.”
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Road to Utopia is undistilled silliness with meta jokes (“I thought this was going to be an A picture,” Hope scowls when Crosby enters), fourth-wall breaking (“You mean they missed my song?” Crosby exclaims when informed that some in the audience might have come late to the movie theater) and talking animals (“A fish, they let talk,” a grizzly bear complains. “Me, they won’t give one stinking line.”). The closest Road to Utopia gets to pathos is when Hope and Crosby, about to go their separate ways, seemingly let their guards down and profess their undying friendship to each other… while picking each other’s pockets.
Even Jerry Lewis doubters concede him The Nutty Professor. With his former partner, Dean Martin, Lewis enjoyed a six-year Top 10 run at the box office beginning in 1951 until their acrimonious split in 1956. Paramount signed Lewis to an unprecedented contract in 1959 that earned him a reported $10 million, plus 60 percent of the profits and the film rights, to star in 14 films over a seven-year period. Though not embraced by the critics, Lewis was boffo, especially with kids, and he was in the box office Top 10 between 1957 and 1959 and from 1961 to 1963. And with his clout, he was given the freedom to grow as a director.
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What makes it Paramount? More experimental and less flat-out funny than his previous slapstick offerings, The Nutty Professor earned Lewis uncharacteristically good reviews. It is generally considered to be his masterpiece, but that may be because people insist on interpreting Lewis’ portrayal of Buddy Love to be a caricature of his former partner. That may make this film more intriguing from a Freudian standpoint, but Lewis insisted throughout his life that he meant no such thing, and I believe him. Could be Frank Sinatra, though. Or even Lewis himself.
If you ever visit Paramount Pictures, opt for the four-hour studio tour. That gets you into the costume and prop archives, where costumes from The Nutty Professor and Road to Utopia are preserved. They are priceless relics of these first-class comedies whose absurd and anarchic spirit is undimmed, notes Randall Throop, manager of the department. You watch these and other Paramount comedies of the period, such as the surreal Million Dollar Legs (‘32) or the Marx Brothers classics, Throop ponders, “and you have to ask yourself: ‘What were they smoking?’”
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Lost Part 4
Harry Potter Marauders Era 
Link to Part 3 
Pairings: Regulus Black x Reader 
Rating: M- angst 
The song at the beginning: "Red Eyes" by The War on Drugs The song in the middle of the chapter: "By My Side" by The Paper Kites
_____
Come and see Where I witness everything On my knees Beat it down to get to my soul Against my will Anyone can tell it's you coming Baby don't mind Leave it on the line, leave it hanging on the rail Come and ride away It's easier to stick to the old Surrounded by the night Surrounded by the night and you don't give in But you abuse my faith Lose it every time, but I don't know where You're on my side again So ride the heat wherever it goes I'll be the one to care You're all I've got, wait Don't wanna let the dark night cover my soul Well, you can see it through the darkness coming my way Well, we won't get lost inside it all again
Running…
You didn’t know where you were going but you were going somewhere...anywhere. All that you could think about was getting as far away from your lover as possible! You hated the thought but your brain was in flight mode.
As you ran, you ignored the strange looks that fellow students were giving you. Evan Rosier and Snape sat a few feet away. Both look at each other before standing up and heading toward you. You made a quick left-hand turn shouting “nope” over your shoulder and continuing your mad dash down a new hallway. They were the last people that you wanted to talk to. Knowing the luck that you were having today, the boys would take you right back to Regulus. If you ended up dead or kidnapped, you wouldn’t be surprised.
It was Remus that saw you next. He quickly elbowed Sirius in the ribs to get his own lover’s attention. Both looked at each other and shrugged before getting up and going after you. It took them almost chasing you to the forest before catching up.
“Hey! Where are we running to?”
Sirius asked, trying to catch his breath as you stopped right in the clearing of the forest. You turned and looked at them with tear-filled eyes. Both Remus and Sirius frowned at your disheveled appearance. Your normally neat dress shirt was clearly hastily buttoned and untucked from your skirt. Sirius didn’t want to admit it but he could clearly see your breasts through your shit. He quickly looked down blushing. The last thing that he wanted to admit was that he had seen you like this.
“Anywhere! I just need to get somewhere.”
You said in a pleading tone. Remus reached out and gently wrapped his hand through yours.
“Come on. Let's go into the forest.”
You didn’t fight as Remus and Sirius led you through the thick trees to a place that you knew well. It was the place that you came to your friends with when all of you needed to “getaway.”
Remus was the one to break the silence. He was more than worried. You weren’t the person to be running through the halls looking scared out of your mind.
“So are you going to tell us why you are on the verge of a breakdown?
Sirius nodded.
“Where’s your bra?”
Remus turned to Sirius with an annoyed expression.
“That’s what’s worrying you right now?”
You looked down taking in your appearance with a groan.
“Oh no! I left my bra and underwear.”
“Where were you to forget your bra and underwear...oh no...Y/n!”
Remus commented as he put two and two together...Regulus. He ran a hand through his hair wondering if he needed to go track down the younger Black brother and mop the floor with his face. It was super closer to the full moon so Remus wasn’t feeling too shy at the moment. Seeing the horror on your face made him angrier. Just what had Regulus done to you?
“It's not what you think, Remus...well it kind of is.”
Sirius, who was totally confused, held a hand up.
“I would really like to not be a third wheel in this conversation. I’m feeling a little forgotten here.”
Remus’ eyes met yours asking for permission to clue Sirius in before the boy had a full-fledged meltdown of his own.
“Regulus.”
Sirius frowned.
“What does my brother...OH FUCK!”
He shouted the last part before putting his hand over his mouth and jumping up and down.
“Did he hurt you? I’m going to kick his skinny little…”
You quickly started waving your arms trying to shut your friend up. Sirius stopped his freaking out and looked at you with petrified eyes.
“No, Sirius! He didn’t hurt me...at least not yet. I’m in serious shit! He’s in serious shit!”
“What is it?”
Sirius carefully asked. You felt the tears returning to your eyes. The realization that you were about to pull the rug out from under Sirius was devastating you all the more. Your poor friend didn't deserve any of the horrible things that he had gone through in his life and now you were about to add another one. Sirius had told you himself that he prayed Regulus would turn out good. It was so obvious that Sirius loved his younger brother despite Regulus’ abandonment of Sirius.
“Sirius, I am so sorry...Regulus is a death eater.”
The frown on Sirius’ face deepened.
“How do you know for sure?”
You put a hand over your face before sealing the distance between Sirius and yourself. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you buried your face in his chest.
“I saw the dark mark on his arm. He and I were about to have sex...when he took his shirt off.”
You wanted to cry even more hearing Sirius’ heart beginning to pound. He trembled underneath your touch for a moment before wrapping his own arms around you.
“I saw the dark mark and got the hell out of there.”
You added. Sirius sighed. This was definitely not the news that he expected to hear. Something that told Sirius to expect it. Hell, he made comments about Regulus probably being a death eater all of the time but having the confirmation was totally different.
“How long have you been having sex with him?”
Sirius gently asked as he took your face in his hands. He wiped your tear-streaked face with his robe trying to provide some comfort that his brother obviously couldn't.
“A long time...we stopped when he called me a mudblood. It was the same time that we stopped being friends. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you. Regulus didn’t want me to tell anyone but Remus caught us once. That is how he found out. Don’t give him a hard time, please Sirius.”
Sirius sighed and gently kissed your forehead.
“I am not going to give anyone a hard time. You had your reasons. I get that but I’m concerned especially with what you just told me about Regulus. Y/n, I can tell you that he hasn’t been the same in a very long time...I feel like that is common sense.”
You pulled away from Sirius and started pacing before angrily punching a tree. Both Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Y/n Evans never lost her temper like this and assaulted innocent trees.
“I’m so stupid! STUPID STUPID STUPID! I love him and I am scared to death of him at the same time. I am acting like such a Mary Sue and I hate it. It makes no logical sense. I want to be with someone that will probably kill me at some point to appease some crazed dark wizard. He’s gone and taken that dark mark on his pretty arm and I was going to hop into bed with him as I did at 14. Why the hell do I love him so much?”
Remus patted Sirius’ arm signaling that it was his turn.
“Sweetheart, you can’t help who you love.”
Sirius frowned.
“What are you trying to do, Moony?”
Remus gave him a scowl before pulling you into one of his famous hugs that were saved for sad times. You had a feeling that you would wake up the next morning to a shit ton of “sad time presents” from both boys.
“Just because you love him, however, doesn’t mean that he is good for you. There are a lot of nice boys out there.”
You sobbed harder. Of course, Regulus wasn’t good for you! You had enough sense to know that the relationship was toxic as hell and here you were ready to fuck the boy’s brains out (you still wanted him but you wouldn’t admit that).
“Every boy I get close to is scared to death of Regulus and won’t date me. When one does decide to Regulus has his band of merry misfits beat the stuffing out of them. Look at Gavin McDonald.”
“Regulus did that?”
Sirius questioned. He had seen Gavin earlier that day and long story short the Ravenclaw boy didn’t look good at all.
You nodded.
“Yes, I have a feeling that it was Evan and that Dolohov guy. This is crazy but I thought that I wanted to date Gavin. I thought that I would really like him but this afternoon when kissing Regulus...everything was so perfect. Granted, we were in the middle of hate sex and bad-mouthing each other but, Merlin, it was perfect. His kisses...I could break into a million little pieces for him…”
Sirius winced. He didn’t want to think about Regulus bedding you but the thoughts were going through his mind like crazy now. Sirius knew that you were friends with Sirius. The two of you had the kind of friendship that Lily had with Snape before that went to hell. Sirius didn’t mind it at first either. Regulus looked out for you. If someone gave you grief then they had Regulus to deal with and it wasn’t a great outcome.
As much as Sirius didn’t want to admit it, the two of you would make one hell of an adorable couple. Now, he wasn’t for sure how that would go. If Regulus dated you in the open, it would be dangerous...for both of you. Sirius didn’t see Voldermort being okay with one of his death eaters dating a muggle-born. That would be hypocritical of everything the man stood for. There was also Walburga and Orion...Sirius didn’t even want to think about that one.
“So the two of you have been fucking since you were like 13?”
You nodded.
“It started as wanting to see what all of the hype was about and just kept going. We were friends during the day and lovers at night. When he started hanging out with Evan and those other dark boys things changed and here we are now.”
Sirius sat down on a stump to put his head in his hands.
“I am guessing that Lily and James don't know.”
You nodded., trembling.
“Lily would be livid and James...well...you know him.”
Sirius knew exactly how James Potter would handle this. He would march right down to the Slytherin dungeon and fight Regulus. Sirius knew that this would be a fight that Regulus wouldn't walk away from either. His brother had too many negative feelings for James. It would just end bloody for everyone.
“Please don’t tell them.”
You begged. Sirius and Remus both nodded. Sirius stood up and cleared his throat.
“We won’t. Look, Y/n, I am not telling you what to do but maybe you should stay away from Regulus for the time being...at least until we figure out what kind of death eater he actually is.”
“Fair enough.”
You replied, sadly.
(meanwhile)
I've got a love, I've got a love for you I've got a place in this old heart for you And I want to tell you that I want you Any way I can I want to take you in my arms, I do I'll light a flame and let it burn for you And if I ran then I would run to you Every time By my side The only place By my side It's where I want to be By my side Forevermore I want to talk, I want to talk with you I want to tell you anything, I do And when I go, and when I leave, it's you On my mind I want to vanish in the night with you I want to take you 'round the town, I do I'm gonna make some kind of life for you Any way I can By my side It's where I want to be By my side The only place By my side Forevermore
Regulus sat in the room of the requirement that he had destroyed. Feathers from the mattress and pillows were still falling as he no longer fought the angry tears that were streaming down his face. Once again, he had fucked everything up. Regulus had been half tempted to run after you and plead with you to realize that he would never do anything to hurt you. He would never let any death eater lay a hand on you. Regulus would lie about your blood status to keep you safe. He would paw through people’s minds and put that thought in their minds. You wouldn't be questioned and would be safe…
Now here he sat alone. Alone...it seemed like this was going to be the defining word of his life. When he was home, he felt alone. His parents were too lost in their own world unless it was to order Regulus on how he was going to live his life. At school, sure he had friends, but they were on the same page as his parents with everything.
“I’m a bloody idiot.”
Regulus muttered as his gaze fell down to the dark mark on his arm. What the actual fuck was he thinking signing up for this shit? It was no bloody wonder that you were scared to death of him now. He was running around with the people that were causing people like her to be kidnapped and killed.
“She thinks I’m a monster like the rest of them. I would never hurt her...at least I’m trying not to hurt her.”
Regulus whispered and laid his head back against the now destroyed bed. He was so close to having you again. If he could have just made love to you, he could have proved how loyal he still was to you. You were the only girl that he thought of. If the two of you had to run away to be together that would have been just fine with Regulus. The two of you could lay low until some event changed the war. Regulus had a feeling that Voldermort wouldn’t be around forever. Once that the dark lord was gone, the two of you could live as husband and wife happily.
He wouldn’t have to see that look of fear in your eyes anymore. You could be the happy Hufflepuff girl that Regulus had fallen in love with. Regulus wouldn’t have minded one bit if you spent the rest of forever annoying him with your giddy humor, forced hugs, cuddles...anything that you wanted. It would have been nice for Regulus to be able to let his own guard down and be loved.
“I should have told her the truth…”
Regulus could have told you that the only reason that he joined the death eaters was to appease his parents but the question was would you believe him? Regulus had a feeling that the answer to that question was no. He could only hope that you would believe him when he said that he wasn’t as faithful as Voldemort believed.
“I’ve got to fix this.”
Regulus snapped before standing up and fixing his appearance. Stepping out of the room of requirement, he quickly walked down the hall looking for any sign of you. He frowned, looking through the groups of other students until his eyes landed on Margaret and Lucille who were sitting under a tree giggling amongst themselves.
“I must be desperate.”
Regulus muttered before walking over to where the two girls sat. Both looked up the moment that Regulus stopped.
“Do either of you know where Y/n is?”
Both girl’s mouths dropped at the experience of Regulus Black talking to them. Regulus frowned.
“I don’t have all day. I know that one of you can speak actual words.”
Lucille was the first to make a peep.
“No, I’m sorry, Regulus but we haven’t seen her in some time.”
Regulus sighed before turning to walk off. Margaret quickly came in.
“You can join us.”
Regulus snorted.
“I would rather dig my brain out with a spoon.”
He didn’t wait for either shocked girl to respond before walking away. He stalked through the castle for a few more moments before seeing James and Lily.
“I must be crazy.”
Regulus mumbled before walking up to the one boy that he despised more than anyone else and your older sister. James looked totally stunned to see Regulus Black approaching him. Usually, Regulus gave him snarky little sneers from across whatever room the two happened to be in at the moment.
“Have either of you seen Y/n?”
Both Lily and James’ smiles faded. They knew that you hadn’t been friends with Regulus in a long time and how torn up you were over the friendship ending (even if you didn’t talk about it). James felt “older brother” feelings starting to come out.
“What business do you have with her? I thought that she was just filthy...you know what you said.”
Regulus’ scowl intensified as he thought "and James wonders why I hate him so bad."
“I know what I said and I was wrong. Look, I have nothing to say to you. I need to talk to her so can you tell me where she is?”
James shook his head.
“We haven’t seen her since this morning..”
Lily decided to come into the conversation. She knew that you had something going on with Regulus that was “more than friendship.” It didn’t take Lily being your older sister to see how the two of you used to look at each other. There was also the fact that she caught the two of you kissing one night in the restricted section of the library.
“I want you to leave my sister alone. You have caused her enough distress.”
Regulus’ eyes turned in Lily’s direction.
“What Y/n and I do are our business. You should respect your sister’s decisions on who she chooses as her friends.”
Lily’s green eyes instantly looked livid and reminded Regulus exactly of yours.
“I would treat you with respect if you had any for my sister. All that you think about is yourself. Now get out of here before I hex you!”
Regulus looked totally caught off guard by Lily’s out of character threat. He blinked a few times before turning and storming off.
“I am losing my bloody mind”
Regulus muttered and went in search of some new avenue of finding you...
The next morning...
You sat at the Hufflepuff table absentmindedly stirring your oatmeal. The last thing that you really wanted to do was eat. You weren't even hungry. How you had gotten down to breakfast was still a mystery in itself. Remus and Sirius had escorted you back to the Hufflepuff common room the night before and left you in Lucille’s hands.
Both Lucille and Margaret had told you about Regulus’ less than kind comment from the day before when he was looking at you. You shrugged before muttering “consider your source” and withdrew immediately from the conversation.
Looking up, you met Remus and Sirius’ worried gazes. It didn’t help that now Lily and James were also starring. Judging by the expression on Lily’s face, you knew that she was aware something was up and you would be pulled into a “big sister/little sister chat.” You had no idea what you would tell her was the cause of your sudden depression. If you told her the truth the whole castle would probably hear her yelling. You didn’t have the energy to deal with that at the moment.
You diverted your attention to the Slytherin table where Regulus sat with his eyes dead set focused on you. Evan and Snape were even starring. Merlin, did they know too? This was beginning to get out of control! The last thing that you wanted was to deal with Evan Rosier or Severus Snape trying to “fix” your broken relationship with Regulus. There probably wouldn’t be any fixing on Evan’s end. He would just order you to get over yourself and take Regulus back. Snape would just make some awkward speech that would leave both of you uncomfortable. Either way, you were doomed.
You didn’t see Regulus’ face fall when you quickly looked away from him as if he were no one. Looking down in front of you, you frowned seeing an envelope with your name written in Regulus’ neat writing. How it got there, you weren't sure.
“Not today...I just can’t.”
You muttered before standing up and walking to the door. Stopping at the rubbish bin, you shoved the unopened envelope in. You knew that Regulus saw it and you didn’t care. Getting out of the hall was the thing that you needed the most at the moment!
Regulus, meanwhile, felt his heartbreak as you shoved the well thought out letter, that he spent hours on, in the trash. Evan winced.
“The fuck did you do to her this time?”
Regulus groaned and dramatically slammed his head down on the table. Evan raised an eyebrow before shooting all of the other Slytherins who were watching a death glare.
“Reg, I don’t know what you are doing but this is getting out of hand. You need to talk to her.”
Regulus jumped up and screamed,
“I’M TRYING, EVAN!”
Whether it was Regulus breaking his cool calm composure or something else both Evan, Severus, and Barty winced scooting away.
“I’m out of here.”
Regulus said after taking a few deep breaths. He gathered up his stuff and met Sirius, Remus, James, and Lily’s uncomfortable gazes. Tossing his curly hair back, Regulus walked off without another word.
James was the first to break the uncomfortable silence at the Gryffindor table…
“Look at that, breakfast and a show.”
Regulus quickly walked down to the dungeons for Potions. You were going to talk to him one way or another. He was about to go crazy and didn’t want to face the thoughts of going home for Christmas the next day like this. If he didn’t fix things now, he would have to be an emotional wreck all fucking break and he was not going to do that It was time to get back some control in his life!
Slughorn looked up with a smile as Regulus walked in. He gave him a smile.
“There is my other genius.”
Regulus frowned
“I’m sorry, sir?”
Slughorn motioned to the report on his desk.
“Ms. Evans handed in the report. As I suspected, the two of you had the best grade in the class. Since everyone did so well, I decided to cancel class as a small holiday gift.”
Regulus felt, if possible, even worse. You did all of that stupid project without him and saved his ass.
“Thank you, sir. Did Y/n happen to say where she was going? I needed to give her back a book that she let me borrow.”
Regulus totally lied to Slughorn and at the moment he didn’t care. Slughorn shook his head. The older man clearly hadn’t picked up on Regulus’ tense mood. He either didn’t pick up on it or was too lost in his own world to even notice...Regulus didn’t care which.
“No, she didn’t. Have a nice holiday, Regulus.”
Regulus nodded.
“You too, sir. Thank you.”
Regulus politely replied before turning and running out of the classroom to start the damned biggest version of hide and seek ever seen…
________
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iwritesongfics · 4 years
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Pairings: Billy Russo x Reader
Warnings: Maybe the reader being a bit emo? Maybe some light angst at most? I tried to make this as fluffy as I could.
Notes: It’s been SO long since I watched The Punisher, so this doesn’t really follow any timeline.
-------------------------------------------------
You and Billy have been friends for as long as you can remember. You were in the group home together as children and somehow found each other again in a city with almost 19 million people. Kismet, you thought.
But maybe you would have been better off without being friends with him again?
You watched him from across the table, his arm draped around his latest date. You could never remember their names, but he insisted on bringing them on nights out with your friends, declaring that he didn’t want to be a third wheel with Frank and Karen. I guess that made you the fifth wheel?
You sighed to yourself in what seemed like the 100th time, and you hoped no one would notice. You suddenly feel a warm hand on your arm and look up. Frank looks at you with concerned eyes and you give him a small smile. You could usually hold your feelings but there was something about tonight. Maybe you were PMS-ing or something. Or something. You glanced at him again, whispering something in her ear, making her giggle and kiss him on the nose. You stood abruptly, startling them.
“I think I’ll go on ahead,” you said with a tight smile. “Early start tomorrow.”
“You got a shoot tomorrow?” Karen asked. As your roommate, she knew you only ever got up early for photoshoots.
“Yup yup,” you chirped uncharacteristically, desperate to sound cheerful. “We’re going to the beach and I want to catch the sunrise.”
Billy looked up, he knew how much you loved watching the sun rise, despite hating waking up early. He suddenly smirked. “Is it a bikini shoot, Y/N?” You rolled your eyes. “No, Billy, the models are going to be wearing ballgowns on the beach. Of course, it’s a bikini shoot.” He grinned even wider at that. “Maybe I’ll drop by and check out your shots,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows mischievously. His date (Cherie? Sheryl?) shot him a scandalized glare, which he didn’t even notice. “Well, it’s just at Brighton,” you offered, mentally kicking yourself. Why would you even invite him?
Everyone stood up for goodbye hugs, and maybe it was your imagination, but Billy gave you a tight squeeze around the waist before he let go. “Bye, everyone. Nice to meet you, Cherie (Sheryl?),” Whatever. It’s not like you were going to see her again.
---------------------------------------------------
You watched the crew as they set up in the dark. The models were huddled together around a portable heater, wearing sweatsuits over their bikinis. They were already being made up by the makeup artists. How they could work with only a ring light in the dark amazed you.
You sat a little way off, watching the play of colors in the sky as the sun started its ascent. The sand in your little dune suddenly shifted, and you felt someone sit beside you. Billy. What was he doing here? “What are you doing here?” He leaned back, staring at the purpling sky. “I said I’d drop by.” “We haven’t even started,” you countered. He shrugged. “I wanted to watch the sunrise with you.” Don’t. You sighed. Does he even know what he does to you? You two sit in comfortable silence, watching the sun rise, turning the sky into your favorite pinks and purples and oranges. You felt him put his arm around you. “You cold? You’re shivering in that thin sweater. What’re you even thinking, Y/N?” Billy chided. You. I was thinking about you, and whether you’d show up to my stupid shoot at my stupid invitation. You turned and hit him lightly on the chest, his arm falling back to his side. You thought you saw him glance at your shoulder where his arm rested. “I was thinking of how I’m going to shoot with 3 hours of sleep, you dolt.”
You stood up, brushing the sand from your jeans, and started making your way down to where everyone was. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to everyone, aka the models you really wanted to see.” You saw his eyes shift for a moment before crinkling in that smile you loved. “Maybe later, I’ll go grab some coffee.” He adjusted his cap and headed over to the boardwalk.
Grabbing your equipment, you adjusted your camera quickly, brushing thoughts of Billy away, wanting to make most of the morning sunlight. Morning shoots usually go by quickly, before the sun gets too high and gets in everyone’s eyes. You were just finishing up by midmorning when you saw Billy sidle towards you. “You done?” Offering you a cup of coffee. You smiled and took the steaming cup from him. “Where’d you go?” He smiled sheepishly. “I was just watching you work.” You felt yourself blush. “Oh. Well, I’m almost done. Do you want me to introduce you to the models now?” You offered. Wow, who knew you had masochistic tendencies? You thought you saw Billy’s eyes harden again before it disappeared. Maybe you just imagined it. “Or we could grab brunch?” he said, turning away from you and staring at the small waves lapping at the shore.
He helped you lug your equipment back to your car and grabbed your keys from you. “I’m driving!” You slid into the passenger seat acquiescingly. Only Billy could ever drive your car. “Clinton St.?” You nodded. You had no idea what was going on, but you were going to enjoy it while you can.
“What are you doing later?” Billy asked as you dug in your favorite waffles at your most favorite brunch spot. “Hm?” You looked up, only half listening, concentrating on dousing your brunch with maple syrup. “You want to hang out with me after this? He grinned at you sheepishly. He looked so adorable, with one hand resting at the nape of his neck. He looked, almost, bashful.
“Billy, aren’t you busy with work?” you stopped eating and stared at him. “Yeah, but I just felt like taking a day off today,” he said, grinning at you mischievously. “You just felt like taking a day off? You never take a day off,” you said skeptically, narrowing your eyes at him. “Don’t look at me like that, Y/N! I was going to go to work after your shoot, but I guess there’s something about the beach that makes me want to play hooky. Please play hooky with me,” he grabbed your hand and looked at you pleadingly, his large dark eyes boring into yours irresistibly. “Fine!” you snapped jokingly, prying your hand away from his. “Now let me eat my brunch in peace!” He poked his fork at one of your syrup-drenched waffle slices. “Never!” he said as he popped a piece in his mouth. You rolled your eyes and scooted further away from him to keep him from stealing the rest of your meal.
After brunch Billy took you to your place to drop off your work stuff and grab a change of clothes. He told you to just shower at his place so you wouldn’t have to stay long in your apartment. As soon as you got to his apartment, you immediately went over to the bathroom to shower in the guest bedroom since you were literally itching with sand.
You screwed your hair up in a knot and went back to the living room after a quick shower, with Billy nowhere to be found. You had just settled in his comfortable (read: squishy) leather sofa when he emerged from his bedroom, his hair still damp from the shower he obviously took. He looked so good in a thick knitted sweater you just wanted to bury your face into.
“Hey, Y/N, so what are we doing now?” he said, jumping into the space right beside you. “I don’t know, Billy, this was your idea,” you said, suddenly uncomfortable at the lack of distance between you and him. You tried to sit up straighter and crossed your arms in front of you stiffly.
Billy frowned. “Why do you do that?” You turned to face him slightly. “Why do you keep pulling away from me, Y/N?” Suddenly blushing furiously, you slowly turned to face him. “I don’t,” you blurted out stupidly. “Yes, you do! What did I do? And don’t lie to me, I’ve known you since you were 8 years old.”
“I – ,” you stammered, looking down at your hands placed firmly on your lap. Billy took your hands in his and brought it up to his chest. The tension was palpable as you prolonged having to look up at him, but as soon as you did, he leaned forward and gave you a soft kiss on the lips.
You drew back as if scalded. “Billy...” His eyes suddenly had a guarded look. “Sorry, Y/N, I shouldn’t have. I should have known you wouldn’t feel the same way.” Your eyes grew large with surprise and you didn’t know what to say. Billy disentangled his hands from yours and moved to stand up, but you involuntarily grabbed his hand and pulled him back down to sit.
“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he said again, refusing to look at you. “Billy, no, I just don’t want to be like the others,” you confessed. “Others?” he blinked up at you confusedly. “All your dates. I’d rather be friends than be a one time ‘date’,” you said. You’ve wanted Billy for as long as you can remember, even when you were 14 and he said he wanted to be your first kiss, but you chickened out because you wanted to stay friends. Even now you’d still rather have the friendship than lose him when he got bored of you. You stared at your hand holding his, willing yourself not to cry even as tears build up in your eyes.
Billy suddenly gave a bark of laughter, and you looked up, surprised. “Those dates? Y/N, I brought them all to make you jealous. You wouldn’t even give me a second glance.” You looked even more confused. “What the hell are you talking about, Billy?” He scoffed. “You didn’t even want me to be your first kiss.”
He remembered. “I liked you since you were at the home, Y/N. But you never liked me back,” he smiled ruefully.
You had no words. You leaned towards him and gave him a soft kiss as your answer. Billy deepened the kiss, grabbing the nape of your neck with his strong hands.
“You should have just told me, Billy,” you whispered when you finally broke off from each other.
“Why didn’t you?” he retorted, and started kissing you again.
You giggled when he swooped down and carried you bridal style to his bedroom. You imagined this moment for so long, him staring down at you with those dark eyes. You reached up and cupped his face, kissing up his jawline softly, and smiled against his face as he hissed in pleasure.
“I’m serious, Billy,” you said softly, looking into his eyes earnestly. “I don’t want to be just another girl.”
“You were never just another girl, Y/N,” he whispered back, peppering your face with soft kisses. You finally got the chance to bury your face in his soft sweater like you thought earlier today.
***
Sunlight hit your face as you woke up, cursing yourself for forgetting to close your curtains again last night. As you shifted your weight, you were suddenly aware of someone cuddling you from behind. You shifted to face Billy, who was still sound asleep beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist. It wasn’t a dream. You kissed his nose, and he slowly blinked his eyes open. “I’ve always wanted to do that,” you smiled softly at him. “I’ve always wanted you to do that,” he replied, gathering you closer to him.
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To the only person in my tag list so far @fific7, I hope you like this happier ending 💖
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adenei · 3 years
Text
Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride - Chapter 5
AO3 || FFN
Ron
Ginny: Chelsea Cake Shop. 14:30.
Me: Wow, thanks for the short notice. Not like I had other plans or anything.
Ginny: Oh, shut it. I know you covered your weekly wedding last night.
Me: So I can’t have a personal life, then?
Ginny: LOL don’t make me laugh.
Ginny: One more thing...you know how you use a pen name for your professional career? 
Me: ...and you use one in your personal life sometimes so people don’t know you’re a famous female football star?
Ginny: Yeah…
I did not like where this was headed so I pressed the call button and put the phone to my ear.
“Please don’t!” she answered.
“Ginny, do not tell me that your fiancée only knows you as Jenny.”
“What was I supposed to do? My maid of honor, the one who introduced us, only knows me as Jenny. I couldn’t just drop a bomb like that in front of them both! I care about her friendship too much!”
“Obviously not enough if you’ve been lying about your identity for five years. Are you really that distrusting of people?”
“No! It’s not that. It’s just— Look, my schedule has had me all over the place with training and games that this is the first off season we’ve spent a lot of time together. I know she’s my neighbor, but with our schedules we were lucky to meet up once a month when I was in town. It was just easier, and she became too good of a friend, and a constant in my London life that I didn’t want to jeopardize that.”
“And now you’ve got a maid of honor and a fiancée who think you’re Jenny Warrington and not Ginny Weasley. That’s great Gin, really great.”
“Can you please just cover for me today? If the press finds out that Ginny Weasley’s getting married, it’s going to be a shit storm. I have to keep the cover.”
“I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this.”
“Thanks, Ron.” She sounded relieved, but I was still on edge.
“Just be careful. There’s a lot of people who might get hurt from this web of lies you’ve created, including yourself. So don’t fuck it up anymore, alright?”
Ginny was rarely ever quiet, but she didn’t respond to me right away. That’s how I knew I’d gotten through to her. At least that’s what I hoped.
“I know,” she finally said. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“See you,” I said as I hung up the phone.
~o~
I walked into the bustling cake shop and reminded myself that this was business. It was not a family visit, and the two people Ginny said she was going to be with did not know that I was her brother. They’d have to be really dull to not realize it when they saw the two of us next to each other, though. The only major difference was our eye color and height.
As I looked around in search of my sister, I noticed another familiar face. What in the bloody hell was Hermione doing here? Maybe she was with her newly engaged friend, but of all the bakeries in London, what were the odds they’d also choose this one? I forgot to keep looking for my sister as I stopped to watch her conversing with the baker. It seemed like she knew him rather well, which made me wonder if other brides also used this place for their wedding cakes on her recommendation.
I finally saw Ginny come into view from behind a table with several five tier cake displays on it. She was holding hands with a relatively scrawny man with messy black hair and glasses. He didn’t look like her normal type, so I guess that could be a good thing.
As Ginny made her way over to Hermione, I felt my eyes widen a bit. No fucking way. Maybe she thinks Hermione works there. Yeah! That was it! Except that it wasn’t; Ginny looked up and saw me standing there and waved me over. Fuck.
“Oh good, you’re here!” I heard her call.
I watched as Hermione turned around to see who she was talking to. She froze and her face became pale. Ginny’s fiancée seemed to have gotten a phone call, and he dismissed himself briefly.
“Hermione, there’s someone I’d like you to meet!” I heard Ginny tell her as she grabbed Hermione’s arm and pulled her over to me. “This is Billy Weston! I spoke to him yesterday about covering our wedding, and he agreed! I was honestly surprised he had the opening in three weeks!”
“Three weeks?” I said as my eyes widened. 
She shot me a death glare, and I knew it was a warning to not blow her cover. In my defense, she left that part out in this morning’s conversation. So that was on her.
“Yes, three weeks. Remember? I told you that on the phone when we arranged for you to meet us here today.” She bulged her eyes out at me in much the same way she did when Mum pissed her off.
“Oh, right. How could I have forgotten. My apologies, Miss Warrington,” I said in my most polite business voice.
I flashed a grin at them as my eyes settled on Hermione. Her expression was a mixture of confusion and anger. This probably wasn’t good.
“Anyways,” Ginny forged on with the conversation, “this is Hermione. She’s my maid of honor, and a wedding connoisseur. She absolutely loves your column! A lot of my own ideas and inspiration have come from the articles she’s clipped and saved from your writing.”
 There was sparkle in my sister’s eyes as she basically told me Hermione was obsessed with my alter ego. I couldn’t help but smile even wider at Hermione, who was shaking her head vigorously at Ginny. This was going to be fun.
“Well, it’s always nice to meet a fan. I’m flattered,” I said as I held out my hand.
She looked down at my hand in disgust before her eyes shot back up and matched my own. “You can’t be Billy Weston. He’s so imaginative and romantic and well spoken, and you’re so—”
“So what? Please, I’m on the edge of my seat here,” I chided. I couldn’t help that it was so easy to get her going.
“So cynical and negative and—and that’s not even your name! Unless you lied to me when you introduced yourself as Ron,” Hermione said with a huff.
“I am Ron Weasley. Billy Weston’s just my pen name. Can’t have all the crazy column lovers like you be looking me up and stalking me, now can I?”
“Wait, you two know each other?” Ginny said, slightly alarmed.
“Barely,” Hermione answered before I could explain. “We only met at a wedding a couple of weeks ago,” she explained to Ginny. “Can I speak to you in private for a moment?” she rounded on me through gritted teeth.
Oh, here we go, I thought, as I followed her back out the door. I gave Ginny a sympathetic shrug on my way out. The door had barely closed behind us when Hermione let loose.
“You lied to me!”
“No, I didn’t,” I responded simply.
“Yes, you did! You lied about who you were at the wedding—”
“No, I didn’t. I introduced myself using my given name. I am Ron Weasley, and I am a writer. You never asked what I write about, so I never told you.”
Who the hell does she think she is? Telling me that I’m the one who lied! I felt my ears growing hot as I was trying to control the anger. I knew it wouldn’t be good for either of us if I lost my temper. All the progress I’d made the other night at the bar was already in jeopardy. I needed to focus on the story.
When I looked back at her following my retort, I knew I’d gotten through to her because it took her a moment to regain her thoughts and respond. Ha! One point for Weasley.
“So, which is the real you, then? Are you secretly a romantic on the inside and you just pretend to be a love-hating pain in the arse? Or do you really just hate weddings that much and are ironically stuck writing them?”
That was a loaded question, and one I was not about to answer truthfully outside of a bakery. “What does it matter? I was hired to write commitments, and if I get paid, then of course I’m going to do it. Not everyone has to love their job.”
She let out a groan of frustration. “Do you even know how to give a straight answer? Or is that part of your journalism training, too?”
“Guess you’ll have to continue getting to know me to find out. Now, technically I’m here to interview Jenny, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back inside.” 
I could see my sister watching us through the glass with that dark haired guy staring awkwardly. Oh, right, that’s Hermione’s boss, too. For a city with over seven million people, this was turning out to be a small, small world.
Hermione
I thought weekends were supposed to be fun and relaxing. This one was anything but that. The cake tasting appointment was a disaster. Not for Jenny and Harry! No, for me. I finally got to meet my wedding columnist idol, and he was the one man I loathed more than anything in the world.
Maybe not quite loathe, but very close. After all, we did have a good time the other night. But he lied to me! He had every opportunity to tell me who he really was, but he didn’t. And then Jenny had to go and blab my secret that I loved his articles! Worst day ever. 
I put the last plate back in the cupboard when there was a knock on my door. It was probably Jenny. Not bothering to look through the peephole I opened the door. It wasn’t. No, it was the last person I had any desire to see. Seriously? What the hell was he doing here?
“Go away,” I said as I tried to shut the door in Ron’s face. 
“Come on, you’re not even going to ask what I’m doing here?” he asked.
“No. I know what you’re doing here. You’ve come to lie again,” I retorted.
“For the last time, I didn’t lie. Come on, Hermione, I just have a few questions to ask about the bride and groom, that’s all.”
“And you could have easily done that earlier today,” I told him. 
“Last I checked, you took off before I even had the chance. And since the wedding’s in three weeks, we’ve got a lot to cover in a short amount of time.”
I had to admit, Ron was really clever when it came to persuasion. Not that I was surprised; he was a journalist, after all. Knowing he wasn’t going to leave me alone, I opened the door a bit wider to let him in. I made sure to shoot an eye roll in his direction to let him know I wasn’t pleased.
“Thanks! I can see that ‘saying no’ thing is really going well for you,” he said with a smirk. 
Damn him and that lopsided grin. I walked around to the sofa and sat down and he followed, sitting on the opposite side. It wasn’t in my nature to be inhospitable. Even if I didn’t like the guest.
“I’ll have you know I almost said no to being Jenny’s maid of honor until she gave me this bangle,” I said, holding up my wrist for him to see.
Ron held a voice recorder up to his mouth and clicked it. “Maid of honor folds easily when bribed,” he said.
I quickly grabbed it from his hand. “No, the maid of honor actually thought the gesture was really sweet and genuine. Of course she was going to say yes to one of her best friends!”
Ron snorted and I gave him a disgusted look. “Just ask your questions, will you?”
“How did the bride and groom meet?”
I sighed. Because of my stupidity, I thought resentfully. “Do you remember the night you brought me my Filofax at the club? I invited Jenny to join me and they saw each other from across the room. It looked like one of those ‘love at first sight’ meetings that you see in movies.”
“Huh. The hopeless romantic painting a perfect picture. What would you call our meeting, then? Wasn’t that some sort of noble act on my part to help the damsel in distress?”
Ron was looking at me in what appeared to be complete seriousness. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not as I felt my jaw drop. After a few moments of awkward silence I burst out into laughter. 
“You can’t be serious! Sure, it was chivalrous. You almost had me, too, until you started sputtering your wedding hate nonsense in the taxi. I would hardly call you being the first one I saw when I woke up and helping me home ‘love at first sight.’” 
He laughed along with me. “That was harsh. I did manage to get a date out of it, though.”
“It was a moment of weakness,” I said defensively.
I watched Ron look away as he shook his head at my strong headed nature. I felt my heart tug against my chest as I noticed how attractive his smile was in profile. No...there was no way I was going to let myself feel anything but annoyance and dislike toward him.
“So, what else do you want to know?” I asked. 
He looked back up at me, and I could see the thoughts whirring in his mind through his eyes. Before he asked me anything I saw him freeze as he looked over my shoulder. I had a feeling I knew exactly what he was looking at.
“What is that?” he asked, and was out of his seat before I could respond.
“Nothing!” I said as I leapt up to try and beat him to the closet.
I was barely able to slip between him and the half open doors. It was a constant battle to keep them shut because it was overflowing. As I tried to push my weight against them, Ron leaned in and put his arm against one of the doors, wedging it open against my back. I knew it was a lost cause to even try and hide it, especially after he caught me in two weddings a few weeks ago, so I slid out of the way and let him see the closet’s contents.
“Holy shit,’ he said with a breathy laugh. “You kept them all? How many are in here anyway?”
“That doesn’t matter!” I said defensively.
“What is with brides? This whole mentality that they have to make their bridesmaids wear dresses that are the ugliest thing ever so that they look good? Aren’t they supposed to pick their friends? I don’t get it,” Ron said, shaking his head.
“That’s not what it’s about at all! Every wedding has some sort of theme, and every bride has some sort of vision that they want the dresses to match. It’s different for everyone! And they’re not all bad! Some of them are really elegant.”
It wasn’t a lie. There were some I enjoyed wearing. Others deserved to be burned, but Ron didn’t need to know that. 
“I dare you to show me one that’s not bad,” he challenged.
I laughed in his face. “One? Please, that’s easy!”
I shooed him away as I turned to the closet and dug my way through the tulle and satin, finally deciding which one would eat his words.
“Ha! See? This one was really nice!” I held the hanger with the dress up against my body as he cocked an eyebrow in my direction.
“I don’t know...I think I’d need to see it on,” he said contemplatively.
We stood there staring at each other for a moment, until I finally relented. I wanted to prove him wrong, and if this was the only way to do it, then so be it. 
“Fine. I’ll be right back.”
I marched into my room with the dress and shut the door. What was I doing? A man was over at my flat who I didn’t know very well, and now I was trying on a bridesmaid dress to prove a point? Ron Weasley was so infuriating, yet when I stopped to really think about it, I was kind of enjoying his company. Arguing just seemed to be our thing. 
I zipped up the dress against my back and turned to look in the mirror that was mounted on the back of my bedroom door. It was a strapless black bodice, and the skirt was made of multicolored tulle that splayed out like lightweight feathers. The colors were a mix of pastel pinks and soft blue-greens that cascaded to the floor. A large black bow connected the black top with the skirt. 
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked back out into my living area, where I saw Ron still investigating the closet full of dresses. 
“Well?” I asked.
He turned around to look at me as I posed with my arms out in a question. Before I realized what he was doing, he held up a digital camera and snapped a picture of me in the dress. I didn’t even know he had a camera.
“Hey!” I said in protest.
Before I could ask why he’d taken the picture, he said, “You think that’s not bad? Hermione, you look like a peacock!” He began sniggering as he motioned for me to turn around in the dress.
“Well, I think the colors complement each other well,” I said.
“Come on, Hermione, really? Would you ever wear that dress again?” He gave me a knowing look.
My intention was to dig my heels in and insist that I’d already worn it multiple times. But one look into his eyes and I couldn’t lie, so I faltered. “I—I’d wear it if it were shorter. It might be cute for a cocktail party, or maybe a club night,” I said as I shrugged.
“See? You know I’m right,” he teased. At least, I thought he was teasing.
“Well, this is definitely not the worst one,” I told him. 
If he wanted a show, I’d give him a show! I turned back toward the closet and grabbed the most hideous dress I could remember, and marched right back to my room to change. “You’d better prepare yourself for this one!” I called.
“I can hardly wait!” he responded.
The dress I chose was a two tone mermaid style that opened up to the knees in the front. The underside was the same yellow-green chiffon as the bust that connected to a halter strap. There was a ruffle of fabric down the bodice to the center of the skirt, which was a bright ocean blue, with sequins that outlined mermaid scales. When I walked out of the room, I was pretty sure Ron’s jaw hit the floor, and not in a good way.
“What did you do to piss off that bride?” was all he managed to say.
“It was a destination wedding! In the Mediterranean, on the beach.”
“Was it a themed wedding?” Ron asked seriously as he took another picture.
“No!” I laughed. “You want a themed bridesmaid dress? I have plenty! Holiday themes have been popular.”
“What? No way. You’re not serious,” Ron said, shaking his head.
“Oh, but I am,” I said as I began pulling out all the holiday themed dresses and carried them into my room.
First, I showed him the Halloween themed dress. It was a bright pumpkin orange with a black spider web overlay, followed by a kelly green dress with matching shoes for St. Patrick’s Day. “The bride was from the States and the groom from Ireland,” I explained when Ron gave me a questioning look.
There was a Christmas themed wedding I’d taken part in a couple years ago where the dresses were made of cotton with a Christmas plaid pattern. The last I had was a fourth of July themed dress that I walked out in last. The upper half was royal blue and the skirt were alternating red and white vertical stripes.
“I’m sorry, are we in the United States or England?” Ron asked as he looked around at his surroundings.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “It was a last minute cancellation of a bridesmaid for a friend’s cousin. I flew to Tennessee for the weekend and took part in the most—” I had a hard time remembering the word, but suddenly it came to me, “redneck style wedding.”
“Redneck? Do I even want to know?”
“Their words, not mine! It’s used to describe rural Americans, I think. I’m not really sure. They were a different type of people, let me tell you. If you could have seen the wedding guests!” I did my best to give him the best possible depiction of that particular wedding, but I think I only succeeded in confusing him more.
“So, which holiday wedding was your favorite?” he asked as I walked over to the kitchen to grab some glasses and a bottle of wine. Alcohol was necessary if we were going to go through that entire closet.
“Well the St. Paddy’s Day wedding was quite the good time, as you can imagine. The Halloween wedding was, too, for that matter. Christmas was hard because I didn’t get to see my family, and if I can avoid going back to the States for a wedding, I’d be perfectly fine with that.”
“Well, they’re all certainly special. Though, I’m surprised...no Valentine’s Day wedding? Of all the ones you’ve been a part of?”
He was right! I’d totally forgotten about that one. I stood up quickly from my spot on the sofa and ran to the closet. “Thanks for reminding me. This one’s a real gem.”
I walked back out minutes later in a bright fire engine red dress with a plunging neckline that revealed more than I was comfortable with. As if that wasn’t enough, there was a slit in the front of the long evening gown that came up to mid thigh. I looked briefly in the mirror to make sure everything was covered as appropriately as possible, and ran a hand through my hair before making my entrance
“Bloody hell,” Ron said. “That was for a Valentine’s Day wedding? Did the bride want you all to get laid after?”
“I think that was her original plan, yes,” I agreed as I felt my cheeks grow hot under his gaze.
I was a bit uncomfortable at the way he was looking at me, but there was a tiny part of me that felt empowered by the way his eyes widened at the sight of me in this dress. Like I was attractive and desirable. Before his eyes could linger too long, I grabbed another set of dresses and disappeared back into my room.
“I call this next set: the pink parade!” I said through the door, before making my appearance in the first frou-frou  dress.
“Holy ruffles!” he commented.
I didn’t blame his lack of words about the pinkish-coral strapless gown with a beaded bodice. The overly ruffled tulle skirt mimicked that of the mermaid dress with the raised skirt in the front, sans the two tone colors. The second pink dress was two tone, with zebra stripes on the bust and the underside of the skirt. 
“Well, that one did have potential. The animal print really ruins it,” Ron said with a laugh.
I wasn’t sure if it was the wine or just my ability to somehow let loose around him, but I found myself making claw motions with my hands and pretending to ‘rawr’ in a sexy way. Yeah, I needed to stop that before I did something later that I might regret. The next pink dress looked like it was straight out of a mashup between the eighties and the movie, ‘Cinderella.’ it was long sleeved with extra poofy shoulders, and the ugliest bodice style I’d ever seen. Oversized bows donned the skirt, which looked like it needed layers upon layers of crinoline to fill it out.
“Where’s the hoop?” Ron asked when I came out in it.
“Of all there is to comment on this dress as is, and you ask me where the hoop is?” I responded curiously.
“Do you really want my other opinions on this one?”
“Nope,” I said, turning around before he could change his mind.
The last pink dress was a blush one shoulder style that would have been rather becoming if it weren’t for the skirt that looked like giant rose petals.
“You look like a cupcake,” Ron said, which made me burst out laughing.
“I thought the same thing, actually. Next up, more two tone dresses.”
“There’s more than two?” Ron asked incredulously.
I showed him the ballroom style hot pink satin outer shell with endless layers of neon yellow crinoline underneath, the orange and camouflage hunting combo with the cowboy boots, and two dual color chiffon dresses. One was a light and dark purple combo with zig zag stripes over the bodice, and the other was coral and seafoam green with a more subtle pattern. The latter needed the subtlety considering the colors clashed enough on their own.
My closet was still a third of the way full after all those dresses, but we both seemed to be having a good time, so I kept the fashion show going. There was the white lace dress, where all the bridesmaids wore white, and the bride wore color, the neon yellow-green rocker dress with the see-through skirt and fur scarf, and the periwinkle blue regency style dress complete with accessories.
“Gloves, purse, and umbrella?” Ron asked with a disbelieving look on his face.
“Accessories are important for any outfit,” I said in the most royal voice that I could muster, which sent us both into hysterics.
“What about that black ruffly one?” he asked me.
“Oh, no…” I said, pulling it off the rod and holding it up. “This one was way too short. I’m not trying it on again.”
“Ah, we haven’t reached that level of closeness yet?” Ron teased.
“Nor will we ever,” I said with a triumphant smile.
I held up the dress for Luna’s wedding that I wore last weekend, as well as the ones he saw me in for Katie and Parvati’s weddings two weekends ago. Then there were only a few remaining after that. 
The long lime green gown with the jeweled empire waist, the Renaissance fair inspired brown and gold dress, and a forest green velour maxi dress. The two remaining ones had to do with rainbow themes. There was the indigo satin floor length gown with flowered straps. And how could I forget the final dress, that was an actual rainbow colored bridesmaid gown. 
“Don’t get me wrong, I love color as much as the next person, but I think this crossed the line,” I said as Ron was shielding his eyes from me. Pretty sure you’re brighter than the sun. And that’s saying something after the lime green dress and that neon fur one.”
“Well, you don’t have to worry about being blinded anymore as that’s the last one,” I said, flopping down on the couch next to him.
“Twenty-seven dresses,” he said in disbelief. “Why would you put yourself through that torture?”
“It’s not torture for me. I genuinely enjoy helping people, and making their day special. And believe what you may, but no matter how awful some of those dresses are, I’ve made a lot of great memories in them. Plus, I’ve met a lot of amazing people,” I added before I could stop myself.
He looked at me curiously. “What do you mean? The other people in the bridal party?”
“Er, yes,” I said quickly.
“Hermione, why does it sound like that’s not true?” He really was ever the journalist, always working to uncover the truth.
And it looks like I wasn’t convincing enough.
“Because it’s not,” I admitted. “I run a side business called Wilkins Weddings. I’m essentially a bridesmaid for hire, doubling as a wedding planner for any bride that requires one or both services. That’s the real reason I’ve been in so many weddings.”
I had no idea what possessed me to say it. Wilkins Weddings was so personal to me, and I never let anyone in on the secret. Lavender only knew because I needed her sometimes for the business. My dad didn’t even know, and he was the second closest person to me. I even had the opportunity last night to tell Jenny and I still hadn’t. Yet here I was, pouring my soul out to this man who I barely knew.
“Wow. That explains a lot. So, you take all the stress off the bride all while ensuring their day is perfect? Are you trying to kill yourself before you’re 35?”
Of course he was taking the mickey out of me. I shouldn’t have said anything. “I don’t even know why I told you that. No one knows, and yet somehow I told you, of all people, and of course you’re mocking me about it!”
“Look, Hermione, I just think there’s more to life than helping other people get married and giving them their perfect day. You’ve been in all those weddings, had the chance to meet countless people, and you’re still single? Are you even trying to find your own happiness?”
I couldn’t believe him! How could he say any of that to me! He didn’t know me at all, and that just proved it. “Of course I want to find someone to love and marry and spend the rest of my life with! They’re out there, I know it. They just haven’t noticed me yet.” I grabbed both the empty wine glasses on the coffee table and brought them to the kitchen.
“It’s getting late. You should probably go,” I said.
“Right. Well, thanks for tonight. It’s been fun. I’m sure I’ll see you soon. What with the wedding and all,” Ron said as he grabbed his bag and walked to the door.
“Yeah. I can’t wait,” I said sarcastically.
He flashed me that lopsided grin of his as he let himself out. I waited a moment before I locked the door behind him. It was all fun and games until I remembered the massive mess of dresses I now had to clean up.
As I carried groups of dresses back to the closet and hung them up, I couldn’t help but wonder when I’d finally get to add a wedding dress to the mix. Figuratively of course, since I’d be sure to have my dress preserved. I’ve been ready and waiting for my own happily ever after my whole life, and I was becoming frustrated. I hoped that someday soon I wouldn’t have to spend every night alone.
16 notes · View notes
ererokii · 4 years
Text
What Goes Around Comes Around
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T. Shouto x Fem! Reader (inspired song fic)
Song: What Goes Around by Justin Timberlake
Warnings: angst, cheating, like one scene of sex (very small scene), characters are 18+
Italics mean flashback
Word Count: 3k
A/N: This is my first fic and my first attempt at writing angst so I’m sorry if this is quite shit and of course it had to be my boy (pls forgive if there are typos). Also big shoutout to @shoutodoki and @shoutosplaything (also thank u for beta reading gabbi) for letting me tag them!
Don’t wanna think about it
Don't wanna talk about it
I’m just so sick about it
I can’t believe it's ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can’t do it without ya
Can you tell me is this fair?
14 days
It’s been 14 days since the last time you saw Shouto Todoroki. You refused to acknowledge him as the man that you once loved but deep down inside you knew that you still love him. Everyday your thoughts kept haunting you as if it was a song that kept repeating itself without your permission.
Was I good enough?
Did he not love me anymore?
Could I have known before it happened?
Could it have been fixed?
Maybe I wasn’t putting enough effort?
You thought that your relationship was perfect. Like every other couple, you had your ups and downs. To something as silly as leaving the dirty dishes there or something as serious as miscommunication. Regardless, that was the best relationship you’ve been in for a while. Thought Shouto was the one to be. The one you would spend the rest of your life with. You guys were the It Couple. All your friends would always compliment on your relationship. Soulmates. That’s how everyone described your relationship with Shouto. A bond that could never be broken. The universe bringing two people together to forge the most perfect relationship. That’s what everyone used to say.
Tonight, just like every night you stared up at the ceiling refusing to let sleep take over your body as all you saw was Shouto when you closed your eyes. Laying on the couch, you stared up at the ceiling like you were in a trance, unmoving. The blanket lazily hangs off of the couch as you refused to shield your body from the cold. The unfinished dinner stayed on the granite counter in your kitchen, the half-empty wine bottle laid untouched on your low table. How pathetic you thought to yourself as you let out a weak chuckle and sat up slowly, running a hand through your messy hair. A bang like knock to your door startled you, making you turn your head quickly and could have sworn you almost gave yourself whiplash. “Who in the hell..” you mumbled and stood up, wiping your sweaty palms against your shorts as you made your way to the door, stopping in front of it. You let out a deep sigh and fixed your hair quickly to the best of your ability.
“Who is it?”
“Y/N.”
You let out an indescribable noise as you quickly covered your mouth. Why was he here? What does he need? Is he drunk? Millions of questions raced through your mind. Even with the door separating you two, you could still feel his intense gaze burning holes right through it.
“Y/N please open the door. I just want to talk to you and explain things.”
“There is nothing to talk about Todoroki” you snapped and leaned your forehead against the cool wood. He internally cringed whenever you used his last name. It sounded so foreign to him whenever the word escaped your mouth that he honestly forgot what it sounded like.
“Please all I ask of you is to let me explain”
You let out a low groan and unlocked the door quickly, opening it with force that even Shouto was surprised you would agree to face him.
“Explain?! You’re gonna explain how you oh so magically or you tripped and stuck your dick in another girl’s vagina?! Cause if you have an amazing explanation please be my guess and enlighten me.”
“Y/N come on don’t act like that..”
“No! You have no right to tell me how I should be acting! And don’t you fucking dare call me by my name. We aren’t formal anymore” You snapped and felt tears starting to form. You wouldn’t give him the pleasure to see you cry. Not again.
~~~~
The thought of marrying Shouto has been on your mind for the longest. Being in a relationship for 3 almost 4 years with him was amazing, you were deeply in love with him and you wanted to take the next step.
Recently you noticed a difference in Shouto’s behavior. He lost his loving touch. As time went on you noticed the bridge separating both of you as if it forbade you to meet in the middle once again. It started off small. He would come home later than usual. Yes being a Pro-Hero called for him to be out at unusual times of the night but this didn’t feel right. It wasn’t right.
“Shouto!” You called out from the front of your apartment, slipping on your shoes. “I’m going to be out for a while with Ochako! I shouldn’t be gone too long!”
Silence.
You were met with silence.
A frown formed on your face as you glanced at the man sitting down on the couch, staring down at his phone. ”Shouto?” This time you were met with a grunt. Least it was better than silence. “Did you even listen to what I said?”
“No. What did you say”
Ouch. That hurt.
“I said I was going out. With Ochako” you announced slowly, expecting that he would take notice this time. ”Uh-huh. That's cool.” he mumbled, not looking up from his phone once as a small smile formed on his face. ”Well..okay then I'll see you later then. I love you.”
Once again you were met with silence but this time he lifted his head up to meet your gaze. The look in his eyes looked unrecognized, something you haven't seen since the beginning of your friendship. ”Ok. Stay as long as you want.”
That was some of the red flags you should have taken notice of, but you were so blinded by your love for him that you didn't bring it up.
You told your best friend, Ochako Uraraka about the situation and she simply told you that you were probably overreacting and just needed to speak with the man himself. “Ochako you know he doesn't even acknowledge me anymore. He doesn't say ’I love you’, he's not affectionate anymore and always pushes me away whenever I try to have sex with him. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?”
The brunette girl sitting beside you swirled the red wine in her glass as she stared down at it. ”I really wish I knew the answer for you Y/N-chan. From what it sounds like you just need to sit down and talk with him. It could possibly just be miscommunication.”
”What if he's cheating on me?”
”I'm going to have to stop you right there. Todoroki may be a bit dense at times but he isn't an idiot. If that were the case I would personally go down there and show him that he doesn't mess with the best girl around. In case you didn't notice, you're the best girl.
A weak chuckle escaped your lips as you took the final sip of your wine, relishing the way it went down your throat and left a tangy aftertaste. “Maybe I’ll buy a little something on the way back. Maybe some strawberry milk and soba noodles from his favorite place.”
“I mean you can do or you could just go straight home and talk to him without any bribery.”
A sigh exited your mouth as you placed your now empty glass on her white table. ”I really appreciate that you let me come over”
A smile tugged on her lips as she wrapped her arms around you, hugging you tightly against her smaller frame. “Of course Y/N-Chan! Let me know how it goes after!”
Then that’s how you found yourself in front of your door, reciting a small monologue on how you would approach the man. You opened the door quietly, staying put when you heard the soft creak of the door. “He should be home..” you whispered to yourself as you shut the door behind you once you entered your shared apartment. “All I have to do is approach and speak my mi-“ Black heels? When did you leave black heels here?
You didn’t. The only pair of shoes that were beside the black heels were your white slippers. You felt as if your heart dropped down in the depths of your body. It was a misunderstanding. It had to be.
You began walking towards your room, taking quiet steps despite feeling that your feet were dragging across the floor. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. He wasn’t capable of doing that. Right?
Turning the corner to enter the hallway you stopped your motion and stared. Across the hallway was your closed bedroom door. It felt like a journey that hasn’t even begun. Before taking a single step towards your destination, you heard it.
“S-Shouto!”
That was it. The moan. The noise of skin slapping against skin and the creaking of your once shared bed where it was him making you feel that good. Him touching you in a way that no one else could feel his touch. It used to be you. Only you.
“No no no” you repeated like a mantra and walked over quickly only to stop in front of the door, hand resting about the door knob. You were hesitating, but why? You already had your answer. Was it because you were in denial? You thought this was a dream?
Taking a deep breath you grasped the knob and turned it, pushing the door open quietly.
There it was. The scene you always hoped you would never see. Your now ex-boyfriend, drilling some woman into your mattress. Your presence seemed to be ignored by them.
“Fuck baby you fuck me so good!”
“You’re so fucking tight” Shouto grunted and threw his head back and closed his eyes before opening them again, tensing up on once he spotted you standing right behind him. His hips stilled as his hands let go of the woman’s ass.
You couldn’t believe it and started shaking your head in denial
“Y/N this isn’t what it looks like”
“Oh? What is it then huh? I know I’m not fucking blind. I can see what is going on with my own two eyes.”
He got off the bed quickly and grabbed a spare sheet, placing it on top to cover himself up. “Please Y/N” he whispered. He sounded desperate as he reached to grab your hand while taking a step towards you.
“How long has this been going on.”
“What?”
“How long have you been doing this behind my back.”
“...6 months.”
The past 6 months seemed like a lie now. Every kiss. Every touch. Every ‘I love you’ was nothing but a lie. Now, you remembered all the red flags that were thrown your way but your denial got the best of you. The constant fighting, blowing you off on dates to go hang out at ‘Midoriya’s place’ or even ‘Bakugo’s place’. Coming home late even when he wasn't called for work. It all made sense now.
”Baby we can talk about this”
“No!” You snapped and pointed a shaky finger at him. “Do not beg me. I gave you everything I possibly could. I put in all my time and my energy for this relationship and for you to just..” you trailed off and covered your mouth with your hand, suppressing a sob from fleeing. ”You know...instead for future purposes. If you want out of a relationship j-just tell them. Don't cheat on them from behind. And don’t you dare call me that fucking name again.” You said as confident as you could but in reality it was the opposite of confident. Your voice was wavering, your once perfect mascara was running down your face mixed with your tears.
Shouto gulped and clenched the sheet in his hand. “I still love you Y/N.. we can talk this out please. Just give me a chance.” He whispered and looked directly into your eyes. Broken. Torn. Guilty. The look in his eyes seemed to stare right through your soul.
“If you really loved me, you would have never cheated on me in the first place. You would have come up to me and spoken to me how you felt instead of doing this behind my back… I’m going to leave. When I come back, I want you out of my apartment. Take everything you own and leave.”
Is this the way it’s really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you’re living a lie
But that’s ok baby cause in time you will find
What goes around, comes around
~~~~
You shut your eyes tightly as the memory and clenched your fists right by your side.
“I was drunk. I went to a bar right when you left to go visit Uraraka.” Shouto said as he took a small step towards you. It felt like the world was suffocating you.
“A bar? That’s your excuse for cheating on me? Drunk for 6 months? Please. I’m not stupid. I know plenty of men that get ‘drunk’ and they don’t cheat on their significant other. I didn’t expect that coming from your mouth. You disappointed me. You let me down. You made me feel like it was my fault.”
“That’s because it’s not!” He suddenly yelled and you flinched slightly at the sudden change of his tone. He let out a deep sigh and kept going forward till he had you caged between him and the wall inside your apartment. “It was all me. I was stupid. I’m sorry for hurting you..I should have just came up to you and spoke to you how I was feeling. I’m sorry.” He whispered and placed his finger underneath your chin to make you look up at him.
You gulped and felt his intense gaze stare through you. His bi-colored hair tickling the top of your forehead. His face was close to yours, you could feel his hot breath hitting your face as he cupped your cheek.
“I’m afraid of losing you..I don’t want to lose you Y/LN” he whispered into your ear, smiling faintly when he saw you shiver. Even like this, he still had the same effect on you and you loathed it. “We can just forgive and forget.. I’ll make it up to you I promise just please forgive me”
You wanted to. You wanted time to go back and give you what you wanted. A meaningful relationship. Being with Shouto was on your mind everyday as if it was mocking you. You desperately wanted to be in his loving arms again, feeling his body on yours. Now that you were caged behind him, a low level panic started to arise in your body. Could you ever forgive him? How could you forget? What makes this different? What if he does it again?
“She cheated on you didn’t she”
“I’m sorry?”
“I said, she cheated on you. Didn’t she?”
His quietness was all you needed as your answer. You shook your head and looked up at him, stroking his scar gently with your thumb.
“And you felt if you came back to me thinking I’ll let you back huh? You think that because she cheated on you it’ll make us relate on a different level and make everything better right? How’d it feel? It felt horrible huh? Like your heart was being ripped into two then stomped on.”
Shouto growled faintly and gripped your shoulders a bit tighter, opening his mouth to say something but you interrupted him.
“No. I’m not done fucking talking. I cried. I cried and cried for your sorry ass. You and I are not feeling the same type of pain. I loved you. She didn’t. I..I still love you” you whispered the last part under your breath
Shouto sucked in air as he tensed up. Time seemed to stop as the earth stilled. No one said anything. You missed the silence with him. Under different circumstances you would have enjoyed it. “You..you still love me?”
“Course I still love you!” You cried out and pushed him off of you, walking towards him as he kept backing up with each step you took. “But I can’t be with you. Part of me wants to forgive you and throw myself at you but the other half is telling me you’ll just do it again.”
“You think I would do it again?”
“I mean you did it the first time. So what would make it different from the next? Todoroki you just.. you need to leave.”
He quickly reached for your hands and cupped them, holding them to his chest. “I can’t lose you Y/N..” he whispered
“You already did.” You said coldly and pulled your hands out of his grasp. “What goes around comes around huh? That’s your karma now. Get out. I never want to see you again. I want the guilt to swallow you alive.”
He stood there unmoving, hands grasping around nothing as he looked up at you. He cleared his throat before speaking. “I’m sorry. I hope we can start over again soon. I hope you can forgive me.”
You watched as Todoroki walked down the steps and into the dark night. It felt like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders but the hole in your heart was still wide and open. Closing the door till he was no longer in sight, you let your head fall against the wood, letting out a shaky breath that you didn’t know you were holding in.
“Goodbye Todoroki Shouto.”
Is this the way it’s really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Shoulda known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cry
Now it’s breaking my heart to watch you run around
Cause I know that you’re living a lie
But that’s ok baby cause in time you will find
What Goes Around, Comes Around
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lambourngb · 4 years
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Nailing that Dynamic- Recs - Day 1
Day 1 for Creator’s Week, and I gotta say, this is my favorite fan event, mainly because it was the first one I participated last year. This little rec set is devoted to dynamics, divided into friendship, found family, and finally romantic (and yes, that’s Malex with me.)
We’ve had two seasons of this show, and while I can’t really relate to aliens or even the immigrant story, I do relate strongly to the stories behind friendship. I can say my appetite for fic with a good friendship dynamic will always be there.
Will You Be My Friend- Circle Yes or No (recs)
Finding You by @myrmidryad  (122,000) - If by chance the canon from high school bums you out, this is the story to read. Gin writing malex is always a ‘no-brainer I’m gonna read it story’ for me, but what really set this epic apart was how beautifully Gin writes the friendship dynamics between Michael & Liz, and Michael & Max. It’s a canon-divergent story with no-murder of Rosa or the shed scene, where in order to avoid enlistment, Alex disappears from Roswell and joins the Max & Liz road trip with Michael in tow. They just need to fill that gap between high school and the opening of the dorms at UNM so they can start a life together. And fill it they do with this road trip. There were moments where I sobbed with how badly Michael needed this in canon and didn’t get it. It also made me like Max, so, yeah. Great writing and characterizations here.
Hit the Road by @bestillmyslashyheart - (7,100) - One of the brightest spots for me in season two was Rosa Ortecho, and one of the most frustrating parts of season two was the fact we didn’t get any interaction between her and Alex. *screams* At least I had a few crumbs of Rosa & Maria (not nearly enough!) but still. Where there’s a glaring gap in canon, thank god there’s fanfic. Marlo treats us to a delightful story written post season 1, but had some surprisingly psychic lines about Malex, number one how they don’t think they are good for one another. I really enjoyed what this story says about leaving-  and honestly, the town of Roswell has so much pain tied to these characters, they should all take long road trips away from it.
a few drinks and some conversation by @christchex / @michaels-blackhat (5,600 ) - this one is set post-season 2, with all the complications of Michael deciding now wasn’t the right time for him and Alex, while also working on giving Maria the right space after their breakup.  I think it’s pretty clear that Michael needs a friend he’s not related to and someone he hasn’t slept with - to provide him so low-stakes genuine company outside of the alien bullshit and love triangle dynamics. Christi does this beautifully through the eyes of an OC and the number of times I’ve read this story is like 10, and also, it’s inspired my current story about Michael going on dates.
and headin’ out singing our song by @stars-and-sunshine (4,100) post season 2, Alex and Michael head off on a road trip (okay, this is a trope I apparently like since I’ve recced three stories now, hahaha) after Alex’s car breaks down. There’s a careful space in this story, of two men building a friendship again. The roadtrip details are beautiful, but what stayed with me is a scene in the museum. That summer of 2008 had some ghosts to address.
If I Follow You Home, Will You Keep Me? found-family dynamics
When You’re Gone by @bestillmyslashyheart (8,200) - Before I tell you why I love this story, I want everyone to follow the next link and read this story about email and messages and grief in the digital age [trigger for cancer death] chat history by Rebecca  Armendariz. (She also wrote a follow up called Timelines published by the Hairpin that talks about the memory function on facebook.) So back to the story, this is Rosa, opening her email 10 years after her death and reading the messages people sent her, thinking they were speaking into the void. Liz, Maria, Alex, Mimi and Arturo, all of them sending her notes, sometimes time passes without an email, then an event triggers that memory of Rosa not being there- and yeah, I found this whole thing to be so moving.
Never Ever Getting Rid of Me by @spaceskam - (4,400) this probably could have gone in the friendship side, but I feel like when you work in a high stakes place like a hospital, friends is a term that ends up being too light, and with the level of competition and stress it grows a bond like family... anyway, this is an AU where Michael and Kyle end up at the same hospital as competing interns but some elements of canon are still there.
still fixing all the cracks by @emma-arthur -  (3,400) this is a pre-canon story, set when Alex is 14. He’s still a soft child, being tortured by his dad, and soaking up the attention from Liz, Rosa and Arturo when he breaks a glass and spirals. Heavy discussion of child abuse and homophobic abuse, but a really good exploration of the canon-neglected Liz & Alex friendship, plus with that paternal Arturo Ortecho in the mix...
Ophiuchus by @planetsam - (11,600) the other bright side of season 2 was the reveal of Walt Sanders as being not only Michael’s boss, but someone who knew his mother, knew what he was, and silently looked out for him...now of course I wish he had been more overt in doing this, but fanfic once again has fixed this canon-oversight. This is an incredible look through Walt’s eyes as he gets in over his head adopting an alien child, especially one who already had issues from previous foster placements. I could read a million words in this verse.
The Michael Sanders AU by @prouvaireafterdark (17,000 ) And speaking of great AUs where Michael is raised by Walt, I would be really amiss in not mentioning this one. It’s got hot high school Malex moments, emotional/hurt comfort for both Michael’s past foster placements but also the shit Alex is living with at home. I have to say “Honey if You Stay” is my favorite, just because of how badly I wanted to hug teen Alex...
and finally, no found family rec list could be complete without mentioning the epic series To Raise a Child (117,000 in progress) by @haloud and @maeglinthebold - season 2 put some hits on my headspace and emotional reserves, not to mention 2020 nonsense, so I’m dreadfully behind in commenting on this story. It’s just a huge emotional bandaid for me right now- it takes the idea of “what if the adults in Roswell actually looked out for their children (and other peoples children) and protected them from shit” and what would that change. Michael was found at 7 and then runs away to Roswell at 10, so yeah, humans have already done their best to convince him the world sucks and only finding his siblings matters... Jim Valenti steps in, knowing what he is, and finds him a place in Roswell with Arturo Ortecho. Anyway, everyone gets a turn- Jim, Mimi, the kids, etc in the story, it’s well rounded and fleshed out. Obviously being a malex person my favorite parts are the kid-friendship/this-is-just-a-crush moments in second story, where if you hadn’t lost your heart to Michael Ortecho by then, well, you’re a goner after that story. 
I Could Build Your Heart A Home (malex recs)
time will lie down and be still by @islndgurl777 (29,600) the Practical Magic AU - which I loved but I have never seen the movie it’s based on lol... anyway, this story almost belonged up with my found family dynamic recs, because the story opens with Isobel and Michael being 7 and 8 years old alien siblings and left with Mimi Deluca to raise with her daughter Maria, because with their father recently dead, their mother would soon follow as a species level soulmate bond. Michael vows never to fall in love. Then there’s a beautiful friendship between Maria, Liz, Isobel and Michael as they grow up together that I just wanted to roll around in forever... However this is a Malex rec, so once Alex enters the story in high school and things go down similarly with Jesse, Michael is heartbroken, his soulmate (he thinks) is gone, vanished into the Air Force, and he spends the next 10 years helping Maria, going to school with Liz, and keeping in touch with Isobel. Until 2018 when Isobel finds out her perfect man was like them, an alien, and bad, and they are forced to cover up his murder. Then Alex comes to town. But the soulmate storyline is the winner here and I just re-read it again.
here everyone knows (you’re the way to my heart) by @adamsparirsh (19,700) So this story tackles a dynamic that think will be the death-knell to the Alex/Forrest relationship- the weight of the alien secret and Alex’s responsibility gland and what that looks like to someone who wants to be in a relationship with him. The exclusion. But outside of that- there’s this part of Alex that isn’t willing to let anyone in that isn’t already there, and that’s Michael. I’m fucking weak for stories where these two assholes can’t connect with anyone but each other, and this one hits it. There’s also so many lovely friendship dynamics between everyone showing up for Alex- like Rosa, Isobel, Max, Maria. Obviously this is a Malex-is-endgame story, even though it starts Alex/Forrest.
it’s a long road back to you by @magsthemagical  (17,000) This was an interesting, now AU take on what if Maria/Michael dated at the same time as Alex/Forrest, and honestly, I thought basted on the season two spoilers that was where we were heading. I was gobsmacked by 2x13. Anyway, here’s a story that discusses the tension that would happen if there had been simultaneous dating going on…the parts where Michael sees Alex being open with someone other than him were very raw and true to how I would think he would feel. For 10 years he wanted that and didn’t get it, and so of course the problem was probably him?? Anyway, I enjoyed this a lot, and again felt robbed that we are heading into a new triangle for season 3. 
untouched by @prouvaireafterdark (5,200) - okay, you know when you have an alien soulmate idea in your head and you want it to appear on the page, and then it does and it’s everything you wanted? That’s what happened to me when ‘Untouched’ appeared. Obviously it’s AU, but my reptile brain just loves the idea that Michael and Alex can’t get off with anyone else, and then that frustration builds into a sexy explosion... there’s also some communcation happening with these clowns. But seriously for 5,000 words, A LOT HAPPENS here and I loved every word.
Would you come home by @caitlesshea (1000) How great would have it been if season 2 had ended with Michael and Alex found a baby in a stasis pod instead of Beardy Jones? Like seriously, this short little fic healed so many of my wounds from season 2 that I couldn’t help but include it here. I would take 50,000 more words in this sadly AU take. 
Hoarding you by @foramomentonly (1200) okay, so the rain smell, like 2x04 was low key my favorite episode of RNM ever, especially with Alex throwing that flirty line “It’s smells like rain, that’s what you smell like under the grease and bourbon’ and this author takes that line, and fucking murders me with the idea that Alex can’t move on because of that smell. And Michael is now his, and finds out about it. This is my head canon, okay? No one can talk me out of it.
If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story- a ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propell an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emogi makes all the difference!
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tabloidtoc · 3 years
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Star, March 8
You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks
Cover: George Clooney vs. Brad Pitt -- the fight that ended their friendship
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Page 1: Scott Disick's mid-life makeover -- some guys buy a convertible but Scott already has a garage full of fancy rides, so what else to do when you're edging close to 40, split from the mom of your three kids and are already dating a 19-year-old model? Well, bleach your hair platinum, of course!
Page 2: Contents, Leighton Meester and Adam Brody celebrated their sixth wedding anniversary with a couple's surf session
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Page 3: Star Shots -- John Legend wore an eye-catching sweater to a photoshoot in West Hollywood, Anya Taylor-Joy stunned in a crimson gown on the set of an untitled David O. Russell-directed period film, Jason Sudeikis grabbed a bite during a break from filming Ted Lasso's second season in London
Page 4: After hosting countless rose ceremonies over nearly two decades of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, Chris Harrison is now in the hot seat himself and facing backlash for defending current Bachelor frontrunner Rachael Kirkconnell who's been accused of racist behavior -- the next day, Chris apologized and said he was stepping aside as host of the dating reality series but the damage was done as Rachel Lindsay who is the first Black lead in the franchise's history revealed she won't renew her Bachelor contract and current Bachelor Matt James supported her -- as for Chris, the fallout continues as Crest are considering pulling down ads featuring him but with critics calling for his ouster Chris wants his job back and no one at ABC wants to see him replaced but those conversations are happening
Page 5: Miley Cyrus has an idea how to help Britney Spears in her legal battle to replace dad Jamie Spears as her conservator -- Miley is hoping she and Britney can record a classic song together like an anthem like Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves or Enough Is Enough and she's hoping to get Britney on board but that may be a challenge with the legal restrictions in place
* Mom-of-eight Kate Gosselin didn't get what she was asking for on her house in Pennsylvania -- it's upsetting that she got less than she paid for it but her hand was forced; it costs a lot to keep up a house like that on 20-plus acres and with years of roughhousing, it needs a lot of work -- with twins Mady and Cara already in college and the sextuplets growing up, Kate hopes to jump-start her career and she's dying to leave Pennsylvania and head to Hollywood
* Paris Hilton's boyfriend of just over a year Carter Reum dropped to one knee on a gorgeous private beach and offered Paris his heart and a sparkler from Cartier and she said yes -- close family was on hand to celebrate the couple who have been friends for 15 years and the party went on well into the evening -- now Paris is already making wedding plans for something simple and elegant with a gorgeous dinner and the couple is ready to start a family sooner rather than later and she's hinted she's already started IVF and if she gets pregnant they'll just push up the wedding
Page 6: Ryan Gosling needed some time off after 2018's moon-landing biopic First Man because he really became Neil Armstrong during the six months of shooting and he was absolutely drained after finishing it and he spent the next two years with wife Eva Mendes being a full-time dad to their two young kids -- now he's back and with three movies lined up, he's looking at a $75 million paycheck this year -- in addition to The Gray Man, he's gearing up for a Wolfman update and another space adventure called Project Hail Mary -- he wants to be a popcorn-movie star and he's going full-blown buff-and-shirtless action hero
* Allen v. Farrow is a new investigation into 1992 allegations about Woody Allen by his adopted daughter Dylan Farrow and her mother Mia Farrow that digs up damning new evidence against the director -- one harrowing home video shows the then-7-year-old Dylan saying her dad touched her privates and later a doorman and a building manager and a maid at Allen's NYC residence raise questions about when Woody began his shocking relationship with Mia's teen daughter Soon-Yi -- Mia also expresses fear in the doc, saying she worries that when the documentary comes out he'll be on the attack again and he'll do whatever he has to do to save himself
* Star Spots the Stars -- Julia Roberts, Joe Jonas, Luann de Lesseps, Christina Aguilera, Kaia Gerber, Tarek El Moussa and Heather Rae Young
Page 8: Star Shots -- With balloons and a box of chocolate in hand lifestyle expert Gretta Monahan arrived at The View, Melissa Gorga snacked on a huge box of sweets between Zoom interviews to promote the 11 season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Vanessa Lachey prepared to host a Galentine's Day celebration with macarons and wine
Page 10: Jenna Dewan making a plant-based meal, Selling Sunset's Christine Quinn and her husband Christian Richard sipped juice bar drinks while running errands in Beverly Hills, Hugh Grant stopped to tend to his laces while out for a walk in Chelsea in West London, Carrie Underwood prepped for her daily workout session in pieces from her Calia fitness apparel line
Page 12: After a stop at the Kidding Around children's store Bradley Cooper had his hands full walking with his daughter Lea in NYC, Sofia Vergara chic in a blowout and patterned top in Beverly Hills, Justin Bieber looked comfy in a message tee and pajama bottoms in L.A.
Page 13: Thandie Newton looked tense while Chris Pine hit the ground running as the two filmed the spy thriller All the Old Knives in London, Jon Bernthal braved the frigid water while Gretchen Mol bundled up on the set of American Gigolo in L.A.
Page 14: Think Pink -- Jennifer Lopez hoisted an oversized customized bubble-gum hued Coach satchel in a promo shot in NYC, Cardi B slipped on neon sneakers from her Reebok collaboration to shop on Rodeo Drive in L.A., Hilary Duff showing off a peek of her growing baby bump on the set of Younger in NYC
Page 16: In town to film The Hills: New Beginnings with their castmates Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag played in the snow with their son Gunner in Lake Tahoe
Page 17: Mandy Moore and husband Taylor Goldsmith celebrated their last Valentine's Day before parenthood with a romantic stroll in Pasadena, Michelle Obama on her new children's show Waffles + Mochi
Page 18: Chris Meloni and Mariska Hargitay in NYC, hiding her locks in a cute newsboy cap Brooke Burke grabbed dinner at Nobu in Malibu, Krysten Ritter brought her son Bruce to meet some farm animals at the Gentle Barn in Santa Clarita
Page 20: Normal or Not? Farrah Abraham suffered a serious wardrobe malfunction while hitting the sand in Malibu -- not normal, Nikki Reed gushing over her therapy chicken -- normal, Property Brothers' Drew Scott booty bumpin' with wife Linda Phan -- not normal, Lucy Hale lovingly held onto her new dog Ethel while fueling up her ride in L.A. -- normal
Page 22: Fashion -- stars in pastel frocks -- Heidi Klum, Sophia Bush, Chrissy Teigen
Page 23: Rihanna, Kirsten Dunst
Page 26: Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are having sexy slumber parties at Kourtney's $8.5 million Calabasas pad and they are spending so much time together and she loves having him sleep over and he'll stay the whole weekend -- Travis who has lived nearby in the gated community for years is already making himself at home and not only has he moved a bunch of stuff into Kourtney's property but she leaves him to chill out and enjoy his space if she has to run errands -- even if it seems the couple is moving and moving in fast, their respective broods are on board with the new arrangement and Kourtney's kids Mason, Penelope and Reign love having Travis around and meanwhile the door is always open for Travis' kids Alabama and Landon, and Travis and Kourtney do a lot of fun stuff with their kids together -- there's already speculation that the move-in will be permanent because Kourtney knows a good thing when she sees it and Travis checks all the boxes
Page 27: Meeting the in-laws might be a little complicated for newly engaged Shailene Woodley and Aaron Rodgers because the Green Bay Packers QB is famously estranged from his Chico, California-based family -- in 2016 Aaron's younger brother Jordan Rodgers exposed the rift while competing on The Bachelorette and at the time, fans blamed Aaron's then-girlfriend Olivia Munn for turning him Hollywood but the trouble continued after their 2017 split -- now that he's with Shailene, Aaron doesn't want to bring her into that toxic atmosphere but Shailene who once called her own folks super f**ked up is not deterred and she is encouraging Aaron to let bygones be bygones but he's not ready
* Melissa and Joe Gorga's marriage troubles will play out on the new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey but their issues are even worse behind the scenes and they've been butting heads as Melissa's career continues to skyrocket so she's distracted with work and doesn't have time for Joe and he feels neglected and he isn't one to hold back -- it doesn't help that the Envy boutique owner was rumored to be getting close to another man -- the couple is trying to work out their issues for the sake of their three kids but Melissa may be done
Page 28: Cover Story -- George Clooney and Brad Pitt: The Breaking Point -- fights, jealousy and other women -- the former besties had a major falling out and now mutual friend Sandra Bullock is desperate to reunite them -- George and Brad have barely spoken in eight years and they've definitely gone their separate ways and Brad's ex-wife Angelina Jolie played a big part in the demise of their friendship because Angie felt George took Brad away from her and their kids -- Amal Clooney found Angie unbearable and that was kind of the point of no return for Brad and George -- George is struggling to regain his luster as a director while Brad is out there winning Oscars
Page 32: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle: Interview Shockers -- as they prep for baby number two, Harry and Meghan announce a no-holds-barred interview, leaving the palace on edge
Page 34: Celebs in Wheel Trouble -- don't drink (or drug) and drive; these stars got caught making some very bad decisions -- Bruce Springsteen, mug shots of Justin Bieber
Page 35: Reese Witherspoon, Vince Vaughn, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Phelps, Khloe Kardashian, Henry Thomas, Heather Locklear, Jesse Luken, Mel Gibson
Page 36: Beauty -- curl care -- strengthen every type of wave and coil with cool new miracle workers
Page 48: Parting Shot -- Bill Murray teamed up with NFL player Larry Fitzgerald for the AT&T Every Shot Counts Charity Challenge in Pebble Beach -- despite landing in third place, Bill and Larry made a great pair, earning an impressive $209,000 for local charities
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mysteryofren · 4 years
Text
Im In.
part 15 of So Happy Together 
14: https://mysteryofren.tumblr.com/post/616590384830857216/your-love
note: this ones long, but omg the next one is gonna be intense and angsty ahhh.
  How could you feel this way? How could you love him? Since that night he always waves when he sees you. It's not much as he probably doesn't want Rey to see. You hated it, but you loved it so much. Did he think about you? Does he regret what he did? Once he saw how angry and hurt you were, did he think about what he could've done differently? These questions ran through your mind all day since you realized you loved him. That was Monday. It's finally the day of the game and nothing but nerves took over your body knowing you would see him. Your friends knew too. You could tell, because they were comforting you all day. You were in your room getting ready. At least the rest of the first order will be there. Now that pop pop knows what's going on you know he’ll do his best to help. You got home, got dressed and packed your bag for the weekend at his house. You just had to get through the dinner alone. You'll be fine. You got dressed and walked over to Hux’s dorm so you two could go together. Phasma  was meeting everyone there, and Matt was riding with Ben and Rey. 
 Once you reached the dorm you knocked and waited for him to open it. You heard the door unlock and he opened it standing in front of you with only his pants on. He dramatically covered his chest and gasped.
“You're early. We aren't supposed to leave for another 10 minutes.” you laughed at him before moving past him into the room.
“I thought I could come meet your cat.”
“Let me see if she's hiding in the bathroom.” he closed the door and went into his bathroom. You looked around his room. It was fitting for Hux. It was super neat. There was nothing personal in the room, none that are his at least. You would guess it all belonged to his roommate. His bed had a pitch black set on it with little orange hairs caked into one of the pillows. Probably from Millicent. Then you saw something on his desk. You got closer to look and see what it was. It was the picture you guys took at the skating rink. The group one Phasma took. He printed it and taped it on his wall. 
“Hey isn't this from the 80s night thing?” you called out. He walked in with an orange ball squirming in his arms.
“Yes, I've yet to find a frame for it so it's just taped up there.” he placed the cat on his bed and she immediately jumped to the ground to rub against your leg.
“It's cute that you have a picture of us up.” you bent down and let her sniff at your hand. She rubbed her head against it and you started petting her.
“If i'm being quite honest, it's one of the best days of my life. I got to hang out with all my friends. We had a great time,” he paused and you looked up at him. “I got to kiss you.”
“Wow I never took you as someone so sentimental about things.” you picked Millicent up and sat on his bed. He started going through his closet to find a shirt. One side of his closet was all uniforms, and you noticed the other side had nothing but black clothing.
“Oh come on I know you know I had a crush on you for years. You’re not stupid, you knew.” you felt bad for some reason.
“I always had a feeling, but I guess I never expected anyone to like me.” you watched him pick out a shirt and put it on.
“Why not? You're one of the smartest girls I've met here. Your beauty is like nothing I've ever seen before, and on top of that you're extremely kind hearted, and have a wonderful personality. Why wouldn't I like you?”
Never in a million years did you expect Hux to talk about his feelings.
“Im sorry I never noticed.”
“It's alright. Your friendship is everything to me. It's more than enough for me to have. I know even if we did date I would more than likely fuck it up.” he grabbed a pair of shoes and sat next to you on the bed. 
“Hey don't say that. I know you probably wouldn't have done half the things Bens done.” 
He looked you in the eyes. You never noticed how pretty they were. “I probably would have done worse.”
“What makes you say that?”
 “I've had girlfriends before. I'm too closed off apparently, I don't know how to communicate, and I'm too focused on my education. They all told me in one way or another that I was a neglectful.”
At this point Millicent had jumped off the bed to go eat her food in the corner, and he had both shoes.
“Do you feel like I used you when we kissed?”
“Not at all. For so many years I imagined kissing you. I never thought it would happen. Even if you had every intention of using me to get back at him I wouldn't mind if it meant I was with you.” 
You felt so guilty. It sounded like he really liked you, and you were still hung up on Ben.
“I'm sorry.” 
“Don't be. I know you're having trouble with him. Hell I would be having trouble too if someone made me feel loved just to turn around and be with the person I hated most.” 
  You both sat on the bed in silence. A lot just happened. He just admitted that not only did he like you, but he wanted to be with you still. A part of you wishes you had feelings for him. You wish you didn't love Ben. you knew if you and Hux got together you would be like some badass power couple. You just didn't feel the same. You hugged him. Trying to find comfort in this whole thing, and he hugged you back. While you hugged he whispered to you. 
“He’s an idiot for not knowing what he has. Any man would be lucky to have your heart.” you pulled away from the hug. And got up trying not to cry. He stood up after you and looked down at you. Was he always this tall or did you feel incredibly small right now? Just then he leaned in and gave you a gentle kiss on the lips. It was fierce like the ones you had with Ben. it wasn't so awkward like the first kiss you had with him. This one was soft, and loving. You could feel how he felt through it almost. He pulled away and you both stared at each other. His face was almost as red as his hair. Now more than ever you wish you could love him. 
“Im sorry,” he said, sounding breathless. “I didn't know when I might have the chance to do that again.” 
“It's okay, but we should probably get going.” He turned away to grab his phone off his desk as you walked towards the door. Once you both stepped out he asked how you liked Millicent to get a normal conversation going. You guys talked about her on the way to the car, and then on the drive to the field you talked about the future. He told you that he turned in his application to Magdalene, and told you a bit more about the trip he took with his father. He said he already knows where he wants his dorm to be, and his dad said he would speak to someone about getting it for him. Hux usually tended not to abuse social status or power. Like all the kids at the school everyone did it at some point. The kids with the richer families tended to do it more. The only people you know who refrain from it are Matt, Hux, and you. Rey tended to overuse it. It's one of the things that put you off about her. Ever since she was little she would use it to get whatever she wanted from people. You can't remember the last time you did it. Maybe you should do it more. No you shouldn't. 
  Once you reached the soccer field you both hopped out, and waited by the concession stand where you all agreed to meet. After a few minutes you saw Phasma walking towards you. She had 3 giant signs to hold up for Elaine. You and Hux looked at her like she was insane. She handed you one, kept one for herself, and said one was for Matt. She was a pretty good wing man. Soon you saw your grandfather's car pull in and park. He got out and looked over to you and smiled. 
“Hello there!” he said walking up to you guys 
“Mr. Kenobi, it's good to see you again.” Phasma said politely. 
“Please, call me Obi-wan. Save Mr.kenobi for her father.”
“Hello sir, it's a pleasure to meet you.” Hux held out his hand and your grandfather took it. 
“I take it you must be Armitage Hux. it's good to meet you son.”
“You know who I am sir?” 
“Of course. I've met all her friends except you, and on top of her telling me about you, I've also worked with your father.” Hux looked a bit uncomfortable hearing that last part.
“So have our other friends arrived?” your grandfather said referring to Matt, Ben, and Rey.
“Matt texted us that he's almost here.”  Phasma said.
 Just then a car pulled in, and drove up to where you all were standing. it was an old car that looked like the grey paint was chipping off. There was a pair of small golden dice hanging off the rearview mirror. It stopped and Matt stepped out of the back. You all greeted him and he greeted back with a smile while the car drove off.
“They're gonna look for a place to park, but they said we can go ahead and find a seat.” you all made your way to the bleachers. Soccer games tended not to be as busy as Football games, but since the NYU rep was here a lot of people came to support their friends.
 You were all lucky enough to find seats upfront. You all sat down, and put the signs on the ground waiting for it to start. It was cold out. Really cold. Why did they play soccer in the fucking winter? Couldn't this be considered a summer sport. Maybe it's because the football team took up the field during the summer. Your grandfather must have noticed you were shivering. He took off one of his coats, and placed it over your shoulders. Soon the game started and the players got in their positions. You saw Elaine jog over to her spot as defensive midfielder. You all yelled and held the signs up when she looked over and smiled. You all waved, and you blew her a kiss. With that the game began and you watched as every ran around the field. You didn't know much about soccer. Not enough to understand what was happening, but you knew you loved Elaine enough that you would watch her every move. About 20 minutes went by, and Elaine's team was already ahead. You expected nothing less. 10 minutes later you noticed Ben walking towards the group. He sat down next to you and looked out into the field. 
“So what did i miss?” you were too hyped up to care who you were talking to.
“We're up 4 points. The other team is giving them a rough time though. They just can't handle Elaine.” you smiled and looked at him almost unphased. 
“That's good. I've never been to a soccer game so i don't know how any of this works.”
“Ahh Ben nice to see you again. And where is Rey?” you didn't even notice she wasn't with him.
“Sorry sir. She wasn't feeling good and got an uber back to her dorm. She wanted me to let you know she's going to call you when she's feeling better so you guys can plan for dinner another day.”
“That's unfortunate. At least it means I can hang out with you kids, and feel what it's like to be young again.”
“C’mon your not that old Mr.K.” Matt said. Before whooping towards the field. 
“Thank you Matt. I appreciate it, but i'm afraid I am indeed old.” your grandfather continued to go back and forth with your friends. He asked about their interests, and what they wanted to do in the future. He liked Hux particularly. Apparently Hux liked him enough that he didn't make a face when he called him Armitage. Even if your parents didn't care. You were glad you had a grandfather who made up for it. He liked interacting with your friends. He wasn't annoyed by them like most people would. 
“If you wanna go, I can take Matt home. I'm already driving everyone else so it's no big deal.” one part of you wanted him to take up the offer and leave. Another wanted him to deny it.
“No, it's fine. I don't see him much, and it'd be nice to see how he interacts with his friends.”
“We love him. He's the best one out of all of us for sure.”
He stayed silent and you went back to talking to the group. You tried focusing more on Phasma for a few reasons. Focusing on Matt would make you feel like he would think you were trying to make him jealous with his own brother, and you didn't want him thinking that. If you focused on Hux it would be a little weird for you knowing he likes you a lot. Eventually she got into a conversation with Matt about some old movie that he told her to watch. Benn took the chance to talk to you again.
“So about that dinner,” oh great. “I'm sorry for how that all turned out.”
“No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up like that. I said a lot of things I shouldn't have.”
“No, you were right, I am in fact an asshole.”
“Oh, I know, but to scream it in your face in front of your family is a bit much.”
“I hope things can be okay between us.” wow. The AUDACITY of this man. How do you say fuck off politely?
“Listen,” you whispered making sure nobody heard you. “I know me being friends with Matt is weird, but things will never be okay between us.” 
He looked hurt almost. “What you did to me, is not acceptable. It's not right. You fucked with my feelings, and made me think you liked me, just to go and date my cousin?”
“If it helps I didn't know she was your cousin until the day I went to your dorm.”
“Oh ok then that changes things.”
“Really?” Dumbass. 
“No dumbass it doesn't. It still hurts all the same.”
“Im sorry. Had I known I wouldn't have done it.” 
“You wouldn't have done it at all or with her?” he stayed silent
“How did you and her even become a thing? it happened in almost an instant.”
He sighed loudly. “It was my first day. We had the first 2 periods together. She sat next to me during First period asking all these questions about me. She offered to show me around that day and I took it since I really didn't do a proper tour with you.”
“Because you were an asshole.”
“Because I was an asshole,” he said sarcastically. “Anyways she's showing me around and she walked back with me to my dorm. When we got there she asked if she could come in. i didn't know what to say so i said yes, and things just happened.” 
You were gonna be sick. “What do you mean things just happened? You know what no I don't wanna know.” 
You felt like crying. What did he mean by that? Was it like kissing, making out, or something worse? You held back tears and faced towards the game. 
“I know it's not what you want to hear, but I couldn't resist. I mean you gotta admit she's pretty hot, and I can't resist someone hot.” wow. You felt like crying harder. He immediately backtracked.
“Not that i'm saying you're not hot. You are. Hot i mean. I mean. You're beautiful, but I mean she was throwing herself all over me and I just went with it.”
You had enough. You got up and moved next to Phasma. You whispered in her ear about needing to go for a bit and she walked with you to the concession stand away from everyone. You watched from the small line by the order window and talked. You just needed a second to calm down. Ben basically told you he didn’t get with you because you didn't toss yourself right at him. Not that you disrespect women who do have sex frequently. Its that you disrespected men who choose who their with by how often they do have sex. You didn't even know if they did. You didn't want to know it hurt too much to think about it. You both ordered some waters and stayed behind a bit. When the game announcer said it was time for a brief break for the players you two ran back to greet Elaine. 
“How am I doing?” she asked Matt who was at the gate separating the bleachers from the field. 
“You're doing amazing! You're insanely quick.”
“NYU is going to be lucky to have you on their team.” Hux said. 
You and Phas smiled and hugged her over the gate when she whispered to you.
“What's Ben doing here?” you waved it off and told her not to worry. You needed her focused on this game, not you. She asked who made the signs you guys had and Phas immediately pinned it on Matt. She was good. You're grandfather even came to wish her luck in the second half of the game. You sat back down. Ben kept looking at you. You pretended not to notice, but you could help but steal a glance every now and then too. For all that he just told you. You still loved him. That was the worse part of it. If you were being honest you are a bit mad at yourself for still wanting him. Nonetheless you tried to ignore him and be happy. You cheered on Elaine along with everyone else. When the end of the game came her team had won. You all ran onto the field to meet her and congratulate her. You all hugged her and chattered around her about how amazing she did when her coach called her over. He was standing next to a man nobody knew. 
 You all watched as she shook the strange man's hand and spoke with her. You felt like you couldnt breath. This was it. The moment she has been working up to this for years. She was a grade ahead of you. She was the oldest in the group. If Hux had not been offered to graduate early she would've been the first in the group to leave. What would you do without her? What would you do when she was states away living a brand new life. Hux grabbed your hand. And Phasma grabbed the other while also holding Matt’s. You looked down and saw you were all so nervous you just grabbed each other. It felt like years had passed before she said her goodbyes to the man. She walked over and you felt like your chest was caving in. She walked in front of everyone and looked around. 
“Im in.”
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sebthesnipe · 4 years
Text
Starlight
February Prompts 2/27
Prompt List
First // Previous // Next
The February Collection on AO3
My Dearest Procyon
Other works by me
Prompt: Karma / Kneel
Ship:  Logicality
Note: I had planned on writing another chapter of My Dearest Procyon but a friend seemed to be having a rough day so I wrote here some fluffy Logicality instead. 
Logan sat at his desk, back straight with perfect posture as his pen glided across the paper before him. It was late. Far later than Logan typically allowed himself to stay up. He set a strict schedule for himself and he tended to ensure that he stuck to it. 
Still, as he glanced at the clock on the shelf above his desk, he frowned. 02:14 AM. His bed time had passed over four hours ago. He adjusted his glasses before focusing back on the written words that seemed to fail him. 
“Dear, 
Dearest,
My Dearest Patton,
I have recently discovered, I have come to realize, I have many things that I wish to discuss with you, but I do not know where to begin. I have never quite been very skilled at discussing things of an emotional nature. To my good fortune, you have always been there to guide me in the direction needed when the occasion arrived for such things. 
I unfortunately find myself to be inadequate in your presence. I can not begin to describe to find to express Despite my intellect and extensive vocabulary, words fail me. It appears that despite my many attempts to discuss the topic of my experience lack of emotional response physical and emotional reaction to your presence, I have failed. 
I fear I may have made things worse by attempting to gain some insight into expressing my troubles by speaking to Roman. He does seem to have an innate ability to woo our more somber friend.  He claimed that I was incapable of speaking to you about these responses due to his state being ‘shook’. Though, I am not quite certain what he means and why he claims ‘shaken’ is grammatically incorrect, but he made his point clear. 
It appears that while I am in your presence, I am unable to think properly due to a number of chemical reactions. I will admit, I had pursued research on the topic for fear that whatever the cause of my lack of judgement, this perpetual state of incoherence may prove to be permanent . Roman assured me that this is karma though it is still unclear as to what Hinduism has to do with any of this. 
It would appear that when I am in a close proximity to you, my brain releases dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, estrogen, and testosterone creating an intoxicating mixture that, in Roman’s words, causes me to ‘ghost’ anyone and everyone near me. I am unsure about his choice of vernacular, but his point was clear. 
It is apparent that I care for you a great deal more than I have ever cared for another person. You are the figurative star at the center of my solar system. You shine more brightly than the sun itself. Every time I am gifted with the sound of your laughter, my heart breaks with the overflow of emotions the sound causes.
Furthermore, to compare you to a star is admittedly unfair. Though I have a passion for astronomy, the sorrowful beauty of a star could never measure against your own. Stars are dying structures billions of years away from Earth. Most of which have already died and remain ghosts in the sky. You are nothing so morbid. 
Your light and beauty are everbright, never to be extinguished even within the test of time. Your warmth and protection, the light and beauty you bring out from within all of us, these are qualities which will never die. Therefore, you can not compare to a star when a star will inevitably fail. 
I fear that even these words prove to be insufficient withmy intention. I am no poet and I do not pretend to be such. However, I am not ashamed to present another poet's words to assist me in my attempt at disclosure. 
The words of Geoffrey Chaucer come to mind when I think of the way you affect me. His poem, Rondel of Merciless Beauty, seems to express my feelings towards you adequately:
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;
Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen. Only your word will heal the injury
To my hurt heart, while yet the wound is clean—
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene. Upon my word, I tell you faithfully
Through life and after death you are my queen;
For with my death the whole truth shall be seen.
Your two great eyes will slay me suddenly;
Their beauty shakes me who was once serene;
Straight through my heart the wound is quick and keen…..”
Logan read the words once more, taking in the numerous lines of red ink, striking through unnecessary sentences. His frown deepened before he tore the page out with a frustrated huff. He crumpled the  page violently between his hands, tossing it into the already overflowing bin next to the door. 
This was utterly hopeless! He was not some romantic protagonist in one of Roman’s poorly written romance novels! There was no reason he couldn’t just walk up to the smaller man and confess his feelings like an adult!
A knock at his door made the lanky individual start, heart pounding against his chest in surprise. He glanced at his clock once more: 02:17 AM. No one should be up at this hour. Even Virgil tended to be in bed by now. 
He pushed to his feet, pulling the end of the tie that hung loosely over his shoulders from where he had unfastened it in his frustration after his seventh draft of the letter. He deposited the wrinkled silken fabric onto his desk before moving to curiously pull open the door. 
Patton stood just outside the fairly spacious bedroom dressed comfortably in his cat onsie, a steaming mug in his tired hands. He peered up at Logan and offered a small tired smile. Logan’s heart stopped.
“Well, hiya,” Patton greeted, his usually chipper voice a bit sluggish with sleep, “I saw your light on, on my way to get a glass of water. I figured you’d probably be up with one of your late night projects so I brought you a cup of joe, Lo,” he chuckled, shooting Logan a wink. 
“I-I…” The taller man stuttered, face flushing in panic, “I.. Yes.”
The answer to a question Patton most certainly didn’t ask, had his brows furrowing. It was obvious that Logan was once again short circuiting, but Patton graciously chose not to comment on it. Instead, he offered the warm mug out to the larger man, giving him another one of those million dollar smiles Logan had just been writing about. The taller man practically swooned.
“You’ve been staying up well past your bedtime lately, kiddo,” Patton commented, glancing down at the bin next to his roommate and the crumpled papers scattered around it. “What a mess! You really have been working hard, haven’t you? I worry about you sometimes,” he continued kneeling down to pick up one of the balls of yellow stationary. “You’re such a busy bee. You really should allow yourself more rest, bee-cause sleep is important,” he laughed as he started unraveling the page, “What are you working on anyways?” 
Logan willed himself to move to no avail. He needed to get the paper away from the smaller man! He needed to do it now! Despite his attempts, Logan’s arms remained stubbornly where they were, both gripping the ceramic mug in his hands so tightly that his knuckles were pale. 
His body heated with embarrassment as his gaze became glued to Patton’s gentle features, taking in the way his forehead dimpled as he concentrated on what he was reading. 
Logan could scream if his body wasn’t betraying him in such a horribly demented way! Why was he allowing this?! This could ruin their friendship! This could be the last time he would be allowed to see Patton because he allowed his emotions to get the best of him! He needed to shut them down and shut them down now!
“Oh,” Patton breathed softly, sending a spike of terror through Logan’s heart. “Oh my.” The spike dug deeper causing the gangly geek physical pain. 
“Patton, I can explain-” Logan rushed, finally finding his voice.
“I had no idea you felt this way,” the smaller man breathed, peering up at his roommate, gaze glistening with the threat of tears. 
Logan was no longer convinced that a ‘spike’ was a good analogy. No, he was fairly certain that his heart had just been hit with an explosive ice grenade. He had made Patton cry! He would never forgive himself for this! He deserved-
“This is beautiful, Logan,” Patton added softly, lifting a hand to wipe away the tears, stopping Logan’s panic in its tracks. “I wish I had known…”
“You… You think so?” Logan asked lamely, the cup shaking slightly in his hands.
“Of course!” Patton chuckled, pressing the wrinkled paper against his chest. “Are all of them like this?” He asked, glancing down at the piles in awe.
“Well… To some degree,” the taller roommate admitted, taking a step back to glance at them as well. “Some are admittedly more composed than others.” 
“Logan…” Patton’s voice cracked around the word, the tears beginning to flow more freely now. 
Logan set the mug aside quickly, unsure of how to respond. He was not very good at comfort, that was Patton’s department. He reached out for the smaller individual, knowing Patton prefered physical contact.
“I’m so sorry, Patton. It was not my intention to upset you!” he rushed.
“I’m not upset, Logan,” Patton chuckled wetly, covering his face. “I’m just so happy. I thought I… I didn’t know you… I didn’t know you could feel that way, much less about me!” 
Logan blinked at him in surprise. Patton wasn’t upset? No, he could see the small dimples on his cheeks that usually were an indication of his large grin, even though they were currently hidden behind his hands. Patton was smiling. Relief washed through the taller man.
“Patton, may I,” Logan paused, still unsure of himself but feeling his own happiness warm him. “May I embrace- oof!” 
He barely managed to get the word out before Patton was slamming into him, arms tightly wrapping around Logan’s waist. The little man was surprisingly solid against Logan’s chest as he returned the hold. 
Patton buried his face in his roommate’s dark polo, his tears leaving small damp stains as he breathed in the earthy scent of wood and lavender that always seemed to cling to the other man. It was a comforting sensation that Patton had often found himself thinking about late into the evening when he was unable to sleep.
They remained that way for some time, hovering in Logan’s doorway silently, clinging to one another as if they letting go would cause them to drown. 
“Does this mean, if I were to venture an inquiry, to say, dinner this Friday, you would be inclined to accept?” Logan asked finally, flushing.
“Yes! Of course!” Patton replied without hesitation, pulling away just far enough to peer up at him, face beaming with happiness that caused Logan’s breath to hitch. How could one man be so breathtakingly beautiful?
Without a thought, the taller man’s hand lifted to Patton’s check, bending low to brush his lips against the small peak of the other’s nose. 
La fin...
Taglist: 
@hiddendreamer67 @hiddendreamer67 @gilby-the-geek-girl
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marshmallowgoop · 4 years
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Doing yearly writing reviews isn’t really a thing. But once you start doing ‘em, it doesn’t feel right to stop, you know?
Seeing progress in other arts is of course a lot easier than seeing progress in writing, but I think there is some forward movement for me, especially when I also consider my compilations from 2017 and 2018.
In regards to 2019, I’ve selected various kinds of writing for this post: analytical essays, opinion pieces, news articles, creative fiction, and maybe some works that can’t be categorized so easily, too. It was a very difficult year on many fronts; I dealt with job struggles, financial insecurity, destroyed relationships, medical hardships, seemingly endless cyberstalking and online harassment. 
But there were good things, too. New friendships. New passions. New outlooks. I feel like I’ve learned and grown a lot more in these past couple of months than I have in a long, long time.
The end of 2019 is more than just the end of one year. It’s also the end of a decade. But I think the best advice I’ve received all decade comes from this year:
✄ Sometimes, you have to say yes to saying no.
✄ If you can’t do something well, do something poorly!
✄ The best option may be to simply not engage.
✄ You don’t have to apologize for disappointing others.
✄ Your worth isn’t measured by how much you “accomplish.”
✄ You have rights: the right to have your needs and wants respected, the right to make mistakes, the right to determine your own priorities, the right to not be responsible for the actions or problems of others, the right to express yourself, the right to be human. It’s not selfish or narcissistic to stand up for your rights.
And, since it is the end of the decade and all, here’s also a comparison between one nerdy fandom essay from August 2010 and another from August 2019:
2010 (with added spaces because yes, this really was just a huge block of text originally):
Also, in my own opinion, nobody really gave a damn for Xion all that much save for Roxas. I mean, yeah, Axel cared a little, but in the end, he got totally mad at her, got mad any time she was mentioned, got mad whenever Roxas worried about her, got mad when she showed up at the clock tower. She was his friend, yeah, and he didn’t want her to go, but in the end, he would have chosen Roxas above her anytime.
The other “mean villains” didn’t really care. Luxord didn’t care, Demyx didn’t care, Xaldin got exasperated once at her, but overall didn’t care, Xigbar didn’t care, Xemnas outright said he didn’t care, Saix was rather cruel to her, but really, in the end, he didn’t give a damn for her. The others weren’t around long enough to have an impression on her. I think even Riku didn’t really care all that much for her, in all honesty. He just wanted his best friend back.  
Also, you have to keep in mind that we played the game through Roxas’ perspective, and it’s in my personal belief that he fell in love with Xion. And if you’re in love with someone, when she gets into a coma, or goes missing, or ignores you, you’re gonna be upset, and talk about it. So Roxas did. 
But you know, he doesn’t actually do a lot of it until the end of the game. Before that, it’s all about the THREE of them. He loves his friends (even if he doesn’t know it), and he wants them to be together forever, but when Xion goes missing or whatnot and they can’t ALL have ice cream together, he gets upset.
2019: 
I’ve written more on the subject here, but to keep it short, Ryuko only tries to take Nui’s life when she’s convinced herself that she’s a monster, and her development is less about her becoming less okay with killing people and more about how she won’t let her anger and rage control her. What makes Ryuko’s attitude so different in the end isn’t that she’s reconsidered her thoughts on murder but that she’s composed. Come episode 22, Ryuko ain’t saying that she’s gonna kill anyone to sound tough or to intimidate. She keeps her cool even against her worst enemies.
But that’s just what I think! Maybe I’ve interpreted the character all wrong. But Ryuko’s freak-out after she goes berserk and hurts others in episode 12, her devotion to defending even people she’s just met… I just struggle to see her as someone who’s actually a-okay with killing. The fact that Ryuko’s perfect fantasy in episode 20 depicts her as a sweet girl without any of the violent tendencies that she has in reality also points this way; not to mention, Ryuko outright admits that her picking fights and causing trouble are bad things when remarking on her childhood in episode 8.
And Ryuko? She doesn’t want to be bad. All the poor girl’s ever wanted is love, and I can’t imagine she’d ever think that getting angry and killing people would get her a lot of that.
Progress may be slow, but it does happen.
At least, I think so.
Image Texts
January 2019
And personally? I find that sweetness just absolutely, utterly charming. When I understood what the rap was trying to communicate, I couldn’t imagine listening to the song without it. Heck, even before I understood, I found the “without rap” edits empty and barren. No matter how “silly” the lyrics might come off, the unabashed cheese is fantastic. The rap section that I was once “meh” about legitimately became my favorite part of the song.
Plus, I really can’t stress enough how sad the song is when it’s purely Ryuko. The official [nZk] remix replaces Senketsu’s rap with a reprise of Ryuko’s first verse, which recounts how she and Senketsu met. And it’s tragic! She says, “But I’m all alone,” and she is. Senketsu isn’t singing with her, no matter her claim that she can hear his voice. Considering what happens to Senketsu in the end, his absence in the song hits even harder.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182361051017/oomoj-marshmallowgoop-the-rap-is-good
February 2019
The focus then shifts away from Ragyo, but Kill la Kill ain’t at all done with building the audience up yet. As the scene moves to the following day, viewers are met with quick, close-up shots of Uzu’s note to Ryuko, timed right to the beat of “Blumenkranz.” Uzu wants to duel, and we soon get to see his full request in an engaging low-angle shot where Ryuko looks up to this sign looming over her. The weight and gravity of the situation is effectively conveyed: the smooth transition from Ragyo to here, as well as the music and shot composition, let us know in no indirect terms that this fight isn’t something to be brushed off. Uzu’s duel is a big deal, and it’s very much connected to Ragyo’s expansive empire.
And the tension just keeps growing. Ryuko’s reaction to Uzu’s note is presented with a dramatic canted, high-angle shot. The camera—which is just slightly tilted—peers down at both Ryuko and the sign, communicating a sense of danger and unease. Viewers already know that the upcoming battle is important, but here, we also understand that it’s not going to be easy.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/182841724817/all-the-discussion-around-episode-6-of-kill-la
March 2019
Kill la Kill the Game: IF is currently being featured at the 2019 Game Developers Conference that runs until March 22nd in San Francisco, and a flurry of new gameplay videos are now available for viewing. Notably, these videos feature full English subtitles for the character dialogue for the first time since EVO 2018 last year and never-before-seen stages, such as what seems to be the Fiber Castle in the Kiryuin Manor.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/183766224117/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-gameplay-footage-from
April 2019
I mean, Kill la Kill ended over five years ago now. There’s been fairly minimal new content ever since—an OVA in September of 2014, a few pieces of merchandise here and there, a small crossover with Grand Summoners last year. And then, not even 11 months ago, out of seemingly nowhere, there was confirmation for a full-blown Kill la Kill video game. That we now know will be released in just 14 weeks!
Lots of jokes were made about the announcement for a game so many years after the series finale, but, like, seriously, as a longtime Kill la Kill fan, it’s hard to wrap my head around. Ever since the show ended, I’ve dedicated over half a million words to writing about it, spent tens of thousands of yen on books and Blu-rays and CDs, devoted nearly 60 GB to my own GIFs and edits. I’ve loved this thing to death. I’ve always found more and more that I want to write and create from this series, but I never really imagined nor expected that we’d ever get much more official content from the original creators themselves. And now we are getting so much more, and???
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184228103137/kill-la-kill-the-game-if-releases-on-july-25th-in
May 2019
Kiznaiver: Oh, I was so excited to love this show! I was lucky enough to see an advanced screening of the first two episodes, and I was totally hooked. It was drop-dead gorgeous—and probably the prettiest series Trigger has ever put out—and I was very intrigued by the plot and characters. I remember just coming back to my hotel room at like 3:00 am after the premiere, utterly filled with excitement. I mean, Kiznaiver  was directed by Hiroshi Kobayashi, the episode director behind the two episodes that got me hooked on Kill la Kill (episodes 5 and 18)!
But… my excitement quickly died. The story tried to develop way too many characters in way too little time, and I never enjoyed the romantic pairing of Katsuhira and Noriko, finding it shallow, undeveloped, and nonsensical (in a bad way), which… kind of ruins a lot of the series when that’s arguably the heart of the whole thing.
Kiznaiver is still super, super pretty, though. That last episode’s animation got me shook.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/184700944732/so-have-you-watched-the-other-stuff-studio-trigger
June 2019
I do recognize that many, many matters do not warrant conversation. I do recognize that the phrase “I’m just trying to have a conversation” can be—and has been—utilized as a means of directing criticism away from inflammatory, unacceptable, inhumane remarks. I in no way feel that hateful, discriminatory comments should be promoted.
Simultaneously, however, “conversation” should not automatically be a dirty word in the field of analyzing and seriously engaging with fiction, and thoughtful reactions should be supported and striven for. Nothing in fiction is ever black and white. There are so many nuances and complexities to the storybook realities of our media. I want commentators and critics of fiction to be passionate about listening, considering, and rethinking those nuances and complexities. Isn’t that why we do this work at all? To share our own point of view and open ourselves up to others?
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/185289615202/we-need-to-change-the-way-we-seriously-discuss
July 2019
Initially, I was really bummed by this lack of development. But as I thought about things more, I… didn’t mind so much. If this dream or universe or whatever is something that Satsuki “experiences” before the events of the anime, of course she won’t grow as a character here. Maybe this game is kind of the Kill la Kill prequel I’ve been begging for for over half a decade.
And as much as I didn’t get anything, I thought the ending bits between Ryuko and Satsuki were so good.
Like, I suppose Ryuko’s absorbing the Life Fibers or something?? But wow, pretty.
And the part where they talk before Satsuki disappears? That’s my kinda anime bullshit. It’s the kinda anime bullshit I wanted from the OVA between Ryuko and Senketsu.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/186648065467/goop-plays-kill-la-kill-the-game-if-satsuki
August 2019
That book, Log. 2, is a fan doujin from Kotaro Nakamori, who worked as an animator and animation director in Kill la Kill. There’s a bunch of assorted fanart in there, and I wouldn’t be at all surprised if Nakamori is a fan of Urusei Yatsura and wanted to make a little crossover between that series and Kill la Kill.
Personally, though, as someone not too familiar with Urusei Yatsura, I kinda just saw the image as oni-Satsuki (with oni being demon/ogre-like creatures in Japanese folklore). Oni are traditionally depicted wearing tiger skin loincloths, and Lum herself is definitely basically a space oni. So, I saw the cover and got super excited about oni-Satsuki because I love oni a lot, haha.
Fun fact: character designer Sushio has also drawn Kill la Kill characters as oni for setsubun, a celebration that’s held on the last day of winter (February 3rd). During setsubun, you might see folks dressed up like oni—who get beans thrown at them in an effort to bring in good luck and chase naughty demons away.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187228888187/do-i-see-satsuki-wearing-lums-outfit-in-your-last
September 2019
Though I don’t see it much anymore, I remember lots of comparisons between Ragyo and the villains of Saturday morning cartoons back in the day. She was described as a generic, two-dimensional “evilz for the sake of evilz” baddie and criticized for her simplicity.
And though I did admittedly agree to an extent—I craved a lot more depth and insight, particularly in regards to her haunting line about “still having something of a human heart” whilst brutally attacking her own daughter in the final episode—I also found Ragyo to be a remarkably compelling, powerful, and horrifying villain even without tons of backstory and explanation. Perhaps my write-up on her first scene in episode 6 best details why; this woman has such a presence, and the visual language of the series amplifies that presence spectacularly. Ragyo’s intimidating and scary without the audience even needing to know anything about her.
And… I’d say that’s a good villain. That’s exactly what a villain should do.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/187987858537/on-ragyo-kiryuin
October 2019
And, though there are no visuals, so I can’t be sure if it’s an “Ocean of Light” or not, the fourth Drama CD also has the same kinda deal happening. In the CD—which takes place immediately after Ryuko learns the truth of her origins—Ryuko’s pain manifests as an explosion of light that knocks both her and Senketsu unconscious and pushes Senketsu away from her. The sound effect here is familiar, and I’m personally convinced that this is another “Ocean of Light” moment.
Which brings me to the “light” part of the terminology. Light is often associated with good, yes, but light is also associated with heat, and heat is associated with pain. In the Drama CD, Ryuko’s light is so hot that Nui even remarks that Senketsu “almost burned” from it, and when Mako embraces Ryuko after swimming through her “Ocean of Light” in episode 12, Ryuko’s touch scorches Mako’s skin.
I’ve already written an essay on the symbolic and narrative use of fire, warmth, and heat in Kill la Kill (that you should totally read because it’s actually maybe Kinda Good, Maybe), and relating to that, I see the “Ocean of Light” as a physical representation of Ryuko’s fiery spirit. That fire can be used for good, and that fire can also be painful, but no matter what, that fire is a part of Ryuko.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/188247077227/i-always-wanted-some-explanation-you-are-smart
November 2019
She looks around her cottage. Her eyes find the walls and the furnishings. Her eyes find the scratched floors and stained wood. She does not voice it to the once-emperor, but she had never been able to remove the stains from the attack. Her son's blood has painted the brown wood red. It is a reminder of what she cannot remember. It is a reminder of the past she has forgotten.  
“This home feels so desperately lonely,” she admits. “I do not know who is missing. But it is not complete.”  
The man is quiet. He did not expect to find himself feeling sympathy for the woman's plight. Perhaps she is a fool, to have given her heart to a demon. But kindness ought not be punished, he thinks. Or has he grown so cold that he believes it should be?  
December 2019
🏀 Michiru and Shirou’s relationship may be the focus, but Nakashima emphasizes that Michiru’s relationship with Nazuna is also involved in the story in a big way.
🏀 Nakashima stresses the importance of depicting teen girls realistically. Two women screenwriters are on board: Kimiko Ueno and Nanami Higuchi. Both wrote for Little Witch Academia. Ueno also wrote for Space Patrol Luluco, and Higuchi was behind the production reports in Trigger Magazine (and, interestingly, wrote the script for the anime adaptation of BEASTARS).
🏀In regards to Michiru and Nazuna’s relationship, producer Naoko Tsutsumi (also an animation producer for Kiznaiver and Little Witch Academia) provides input as well. Nakashima says that they greatly value and take to heart the opinions of the women creators.
Full post: https://marshmallowgoop.tumblr.com/post/189928986922/otomedia-winter-2020-bna-brand-new-animal
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