#foxtrot liveblogs | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neuxue · 6 years

Text

Wheel of Time liveblogging: The Gathering Storm ch 22

So...I read the chapter. That was...

Chapter 22: The Last That Could Be Done

Oh.

Okay.

Well that…uh... that… sure is a chapter title. Yeah. Um.

It certainly evokes the idea of a threshold. Which… I am starting to see why you were all so eager for me to get here.

(For those who are curious: my guess at this point, reinforced by that title, is that this is when Rand reaches his low point and crosses that last line somehow. The somehow seems likely to involve Semirhage and the a’dam that is being kept in a SMALL. WOODEN. BOX.)

The Last That Could Be Done. Just…damn.

That just leaves the question…done by, or done to?

I should probably stop staring at the chapter title and actually read the chapter, shouldn’t I?

OH EXCELLENT IT STARTS WITH SEMIRHAGE. HEEEEERRRRRREEE WE GOOOOOOOO.

During her days, prisoners hadn’t been denied light.

Um, Semirhage? ‘Alone, in the dark, with the pain’ ringing any bells?

Oh okay fair she admits it in the next sentence.

There’s a part of me that’s a little bit…annoyed?...at how Semirhage was broken so easily. I absolutely get the point that was being made, and on one hand okay sure I can work with that but on the other hand…the rapidity with which it worked and the fact that she’s now huddling in a corner trying not to cry seems to almost cheapen her character somehow.

Of course, this is coming from me, and I have a whole Thing with competent characters (usually villains) being robbed of that competence at plot-critical moments. But that’s very much a personal preference thing and a Lia Has A Type thing, so. YMMV.

Torture made sense. You truly saw what a person was made of, in more ways than one, when you began to slice into them.

That’s a terrible pun Semirhage and you should be ashamed.

Why couldn’t they have given her pain?

This is such an excellent line. It’s so wonderfully…ambiguous? And the way it’s phrased, along with the actual meaning and implication, is just off enough to make it stand out.

She had steeled her mind to each of these things, preparing for them. A small, eager part of herself had looked forward to them.

Of course she had. And Semirhage is in such an interesting position in terms of the whole ‘figs and mice’ thing. She knows pain and torture so intimately, knows probably more ways to hurt someone than her gaolers could begin to think of, has spent a disturbing amount of time studying pain and the nature of pain. So what she is capable of imagining is so much worse than what would probably have been done to her, which was Juilin’s whole point with the figs and mice explanation. But Semirhage also has such a clinical and precise understanding of all of this that it would almost certainly not have the same psychological effect…it would have been interesting to see this play out.

Oh hey Shaidar Haran. This will no doubt end well.

“You have been given one last chance,” the maggotlike lips whispered. “Do. Not. Fail.”

Yep, I’m sure this will all turn out wonderfully.

Three corpses, everything’s fine.

“I live to serve, Great Mistress,” the woman whispered. “I am instructed to tell you that there is Compulsion in my mind you are to remove.”

Is this Verin’s Compulsion? Shall we start keeping a tally of How Many Things Can Go Wrong In One Chapter? I feel like setting Semirhage free is one of those things that’s just going to set off an avalanche of OH SHIT.

“Also,” the woman said, handing something forward, wrapped in cloth.

Oh shit.

“I am to give you this.” She removed the cloth, revealing a dull-coloured metallic collar, and two bracelets. The Domination Band.

Well.

Here we go, then.

I mean, I was kind of expecting it to come to this, but still…well played on getting that Domination Band into the hands of, out of the cast of the entire series, the person capable of doing the absolute maximum damage with it. The one who best knows how to torment, how to break, how to find the cracks and pry them open. Giving Semirhage, the Lady of Pain, a way to have absolute control over someone…that’s the stuff of nightmares. Especially because she’s not motivated by anger; she’s clinical and precise and she delights in this. “He must know pain of heart. He must know frustration, and he must know anguish.” Putting this tool in Semirhage’s hands and setting her loose?

A smile finally broke through Semrihage’s fear.

This is going to be spectacular.

And now we’re in Rand’s POV. I’m ready. Let’s do this.

Lews Therin’s memories. Not his own.

What is Lews Therin’s is yours, Rand. You are the Dragon Reborn. That is the entire point. Lews Therin is your past, but that does not define the fate of your present. Accept it, use it, learn from it. Claim it and make it a part of you because right now you’re almost literally tearing yourself apart.

I do feel like we’re close to a turning point with this though, one way or another, purely because of how prominent it has become in Rand’s thoughts. It’s reached the point where it doesn’t feel sustainable any longer; it’s always been headed there but now it’s not just a slip of memory here and there, something that can be ignored or brushed aside to be dealt with later. He’s holding on to an idea or a barrier or a specific sense of identity and there’s too much pressure on those walls, and any moment now it’s going to shatter. And I’m really, really interested to see how that plays out.

“Has it occurred to you,” Ituralde said, riding on Rand’s left, “that what we are doing here could constitute an invasion?”

NO SHIT. Rand’s just like ‘there are some Saldaeans it’s fine’ and Bashere and Ituralde are probably wondering what they’ve done to deserve this.

“I am the Dragon Reborn. It is not an invasion to march against the forces of the Dark One.”

Well, that’s…a fair point. How much do borders matter, at the end of the world? How much should they matter?

And it’s that difference between ‘do’ and ‘should’ that can be so frustrating and discouraging, but at the same time it’s human; the apocalypse is huge and all-encompassing and too much to actually take in and deal with and accept, much less begin to systematically address, but sovereignty and invasion and homeland are much more manageable concepts. And much closer, more personal concepts for most than some nebulous and not always well defined impending doom. So instead we continue to contribute to our own destruction, perhaps because putting some of those grievances aside would mean accepting that there really is something larger, something infinitely more terrifying, something we don’t know how to address, something we could no longer hide from once we acknowledge it. Easier to defend your home and your people against a definable them than stand beside them and defend an entire world against forces of nature or fate or our own selves.

Sorry, that verged on political there for a second.

It was an act of war, but the Borderlanders’ forces were away doing Light only knew what, and he would not leave these lands undefended.

This, on the other hand, still makes me want to hit my head repeatedly with a brick. Luckily, I recently purchased a hardcover copy of Oathbringer.

Ow.

But seriously, Borderlanders, WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT. It’s still just so absurd, like ‘oh this guy is ignoring us while we mind our own business guarding the Blight, guess we’d better leave the Blight to go find him and tell him to…pay attention to the Blight’. Why. Why.

Maps sometimes couldn’t convey the truth eyes could see.

Sanderson, I think you and I need to sit down and have a chat about maps.

Also reading this is just an exercise in anticipation because you KNOW WHAT’S COMING.

Well, you know what’s coming. I just know that SEMIRHAGE AND THE DOMINATION BAND AND THIS IS GOING TO GO SO VERY WRONG ANY MOMENT NOW but my point stands.

“I will leave some of Bashere’s officers with you as advisors,” Rand said.

“That would help,” Ituralde said, “but I wonder if it wouldln’t be better to just leave him here.”

I do love Ituralde. And Bashere. I want more of the two of them together.

But Ituralde has a point, and not even from a ‘this is an invasion and not like that time Switzerland accidentally invaded Leichtenstein but an actual invasion’ perspective, but from the simple fact that he doesn’t know the Blight. Bashere does. Friends don’t let friends fight Russia in winter, and friends don’t let friends run blindly into the Blight.

“No offense, my Lord, but don’t you think it’s odd to have us working in each other’s kingdoms?”

Ah but here, see, we come back to my earlier question. Should those borders matter? Can they afford to care about whose kingdom is whose, when they’re all fighting for the future of the entire world now? Are the borders not part of the problem, dividing them when they need to be united in facing the Shadow? At least for now, they need to be able to work across borders. They’re all on the same side in this – or at least, they need to be – and perhaps forcing them to work in a nation that isn’t theirs is a way to enforce that, in a strange way. To say that it doesn’t matter what country you’re in right now; it matters that you’re standing against that.

It wasn’t odd, it was bitter sense. He trusted Bashere, and the Saldaeans had served Rand well, but it would be dangerous to leave them in their own homelands. […] His reasoning with Ituralde was equally brutal. The man had sworn to him, but allegiances could change. Out here, near the Blight, Ituralde and his troops would have very little opportunity to turn against Rand. They were in hostile territory, and Rand’s Asha’man would be their only quick means of getting back to Arad Doman. If left in his homeland, however, Ituralde could marshal troops and perhaps decide he didn’t need the Dragon Reborn’s protection.

It was much safer to keep the armies in hostile territory.

And that’s all true and pragmatic and probably effective, but I feel like this is a perfect example of the whole concept of “if he goes to Tarmon Gai’don as he is, even his victory may be as dark as his defeat.”

It’s a case of ‘right thing for the wrong reasons’ – all of this is true, but it’s not the reason Rand perhaps should be thinking of. Instead of seeing this as a chance to encourage unity and common cause, he thinks about how to make use of enmity in order to hold things together just a little longer before they inevitably fall apart. He’s dividing rather than uniting, even though his actions would be more or less the same either way. It’s an issue of mindset and perspective and purpose; he does not trust, he does not seem to believe any longer that there is a way to truly unite everyone. Instead it’s a question of force, of holding everything together and pushing through just enough to get to that end goal, but that’s not enough. And it draws closer and closer to the Shadow’s goals. Play on distrust, sow chaos, play towards but never beyond the ending.

Rand hated thinking that way, but that was one of the main differences between the man he had been and the man he had become. Only one of those men could do what needed to be done, no matter that he hated it.

And he doesn’t see it. It’s not just about what must be done; it’s remembering why.

[Narishma] had been a Borderlander, too, before he had become Asha’man. Too many clouded loyalties. Which would come first for Narishma? His homeland? Rand? The Aes Sedai to whom he was a Warder?

Except it shouldn’t matter because all of those should be aimed at the same thing right now. But ‘should’ is not always ‘is’. Also, Rand, Narishma nearly died bringing Callandor to you. And then there’s Dumai’s Wells and the Cleansing. Maaaaaaaaaybe trust the kid?

I want more of Narishma. He’s intriguing and he’s had some really cool moments but it feels like he hasn’t yet had his turn in the spotlight and I’d like to see him have that. I’d actually really love to see him interact with Logain. I feel like that would be A Lot.

But the most dangerous enemies were those you assumed you could trust.

Ah, Rand. It’s…he has been so hurt before, and he has so little ability to trust, and it’s not even remotely difficult to see why. And he needs to be able to trust some people, because it’s all part of the same spiral, but it’s hard to even criticise him for this because while it’s obvious from the outside how damaging it is…how can he still trust?

It’s true of so much of his path at the moment; there are so many things he’s doing that he really should not be doing, and he’s tearing away pieces of himself and trying to harden himself and it’s all so very damaging but how can he not? But he needs to find a different way, and that’s the most difficult part. That’s the heroic effort, however it ends up playing out. But he has to go through all of this first, has to make those mistakes because they’re the only way he can see to remain even remotely functional, but also because given what he’s been through and what he sees ahead it’s nigh on unfathomable that he would just pass gracefully through and never stumble.

The night where he had dreamed of Moridin, and there had been no Lews Therin in his mind. It twisted Rand’s belly to know that his dreams were no longer safe. He had come to rely on them as a refuge. Nightmares could take him, true, but they were his own nightmares.

And how awful is that? That he seeks refuge even in nightmares because there is so little refuge left to him now. His own mind is a minefield, the world is duty and pain, and now even those dreams have been taken from him, along with everything else. He has nowhere to escape, almost no one he trusts, and no longer much hope for the future. Alone, in the dark, with the pain.

But okay. That dream with Moridin. And Rand had come to rely on his dreams as a refuge, but that was…almost what it was, even then, with his enemy at his side. Because that dream was when he felt stable, felt more himself, and he just…sat, quietly, looking at the fire. Talking with Moridin but neither of them fighting.

And then we come to the fact that dreams are clearly a refuge for Moridin as well. He didn’t expect Rand, didn’t bring Rand into that dream. He was just…there. Sitting in front of the fire. Tired and without hope.

Rand is the Chosen One, the one who must fight again and again at each turn of the Wheel, fighting a battle that may never be truly won because victory only buys another chance, another cycle.

But Moridin or Ishamael or Elan Morin Tedronai is chosen as well, a Chosen Antagonist. If his interpretation is correct, he, like Rand, will be spun out again and again to fight in the ultimate battle of good against evil, of Light and Shadow, time and again. And to lose. As Moridin put it, “When you are victorious, it only leads to another battle. When he is victorious, all things will end. Can you not see that there is no hope for you? […] there will be no eternities. Only the now, the last days.” And he was ostensibly talking to Rand, but I think he was also speaking of himself.

This is their story, a simple story that they will play out – like Birgitte and Gaidal Cain – in a thousand variations. They will face each other with the world at stake – a world that has cause to hate and fear them both, but refuses to let them go.

And when you realise that your fated recurring role is the Eternal Antagonist, you either seek an ending or you convince yourself that this is what you wanted all along. As Ishamael, he tried the latter. As Moridin…the former seems the only option left to him.

Is it any wonder, then, that when we first meet him he all but thinks himself the Dark One? He has immense power but for all that he is watching the Wheel turn and the Pattern play itself out, knowing that for him it will always mean a loss. And so he takes on the persona of the only one – he thinks – with the power to break this Pattern that weaves him to betrayal after betrayal, to fall after fall, to fight after fight that he cannot avoid but cannot win. He takes on the guise and the identity of one who has power he never will, and lies to himself, because if he is powerful then this is his choice, and he has a chance at true victory, of re-writing his role, even if not for the better.

And he does have a choice – they both do, in how they step into those roles and where they let that path take them, and how they face it. It comes back to the why, to the question of what are you fighting for, to the nature of hope and the choice to hold to it or abandon it. But it’s also a question of perception. Rand perceives himself as constrained because duty will not allow him to step aside; he will see the world saved because he cannot stand by and watch it burn. It is a choice, but to him it doesn’t always feel like one. And Moridin… “your logic destroyed you, didn’t it?” He is constrained by what he sees as inevitability – which is almost ironic, in that by capitulating to inevitability he makes of it a self-fulfilling prophecy. So both absolutely do have choices (I promise the purpose of this is not ‘Moridin did nothing wrong’), but both are also subject, especially in terms of their own perception, to the weaving of the Pattern.

So here you have the two Chosen Ones, one fated to have a slim chance of saving the world but only through pain, and the other fated to fail in its destruction, time and time again.

It’s no surprise, really, that they both find a refuge of sorts in dreams, and even that they can sit in one side by side for a few moments.

And that was a bit of a digression. Oops. I just have a lot of Thoughts about Moridin, and about Moridin-and-Rand and the choices they make and the roles they play and what leads them there and how they see those roles, and how they are alike but not, sides of a coin tossed again and again.

Anyway.

Why had Moridin come to help Rand in Shadar Logoth, back during the fight with Sammael? What twisted webs was he weaving? He had claimed that Rand had invaded his dream, but was that just another lie?

No, I’m pretty much certain that was true. That Moridin really does just…use those dreams as a chance to escape from his own place in all of this, for a time.

He and Rand are both focused on an ending right now. Rand is increasily focused on just getting to Tarmon Gai’don, on ‘we can die at Tarmon Gai’don’, at forcing everything to that one point and progressively losing hope of anything that might come after. He’s losing sight of why he’s fighting and of the purpose of all of this, looking only at that one point when it will all finally be over.

And I think Moridin’s…kind of in a similar position. Which says something about Rand’s current mindset and brings us back to the ‘even his victory may be as dark as his defeat’ thing. It’s also more or less exactly where Moridin wants Rand to be. He must know anguish…

Except that Min didn’t want him to be hard.

I am trying not to make the obvious joke here. I’m trying. I swear.

She might call him a fool, but she did not lie, and that made him want to be the man she wished him to be. But did he dare? Could a man who could laugh also be the man who could face what needed to be done at Shayol Ghul?

Rather blunt terms, but…yeah, that’s kind of the crux of the problem at this point. He doesn’t see how to reconcile those, because he doesn’t see a way to let himself feel without shattering.

It would take a hard man to face his own death, to fight the Dark One while his blood spilled on the rocks. Who could laugh in the face of that?

…Yeah. Oh, Rand.

That’s the thing; on some level he can just about see that what he’s doing to himself right now maybe isn’t good, but he can’t see another way. Because how can he face that? Except he has to, and I’m still fairly sure a large part of that is going to be in accepting who he is and who he was, and in finding…is it a pun if I say ‘a memory of light’?

She says we need to break the seals. She’s right.

Rand froze, pulling Tai’daishar up short, ignoring the groom who had come to take the horse. To hear Lews Therin agreeing…

What do we do after that? Rand asked.

We die.

Well that was almost helpful, Lews, thanks.

You know that if he wins, there will be nothing for us. Not even death. Yes…nothing, Lews Therin said. That would be nice. No pain, no regret. Nothing.

If he wins, there will be nothing. That’s…more or less what Moridin said and again, he seemed to welcome it. Which makes ‘not even death’ also a pun and I would say I’m sorry but I’m not at all sorry.

What I am is wondering how much of an effect the bond or link or whatever it is between Rand and Moridin might have on their thoughts and mindsets.

Rand felt a chill. If Lews Therin began to think that way…No, Rand said, It wouldn’t be nothing. He would have our soul. The pain would be worse, far worse.

Oh, Rand. He still desperately doesn’t want to die, though he doesn’t see another option. And more than that, the ‘if Lews Therin began to think that way…’ it’s as if Rand himself can barely avoid falling into that mindset, and if Lews Therin starts to, it’ll only make it all the harder. Especially because Lews Therin is Rand but that’s another issue. But Rand is just barely holding on as it is, and he’s already promised Lews Therin that they can die at Tarmon Gai’don, and now to have Lews Therin wondering if defeat might not be the better choice, if maybe oblivion is preferable…it’s hard enough for Rand to hold on to any reason to keep going and this would be too much.

And so he argues with himself, trying to remind himself that it would be even more pain, that it wouldn’t get better, that he can’t just stop that easily, that it isn’t an escape. That he has to keep going.

(Also I’m once again thinking of Moridin and his seeming eagerness for this ending of everything, and…if he’s thinking along the same lines as Lews Therin is, but if Rand is right…)

It didn’t work, Lews Therin whispered. We used saidin, but we touched it to the Dark One. It was the only way! Something has to touch him, something to close the gap, but he was able to taint it.

Oh.

OH.

Something has to touch him.

There’s a link between Rand and Moridin.

The True Power cannot be tainted, because it is already of the Dark One.

Moridin can touch the True Power.

‘A Memory of Light’…

I wonder.

Duty was like a mountain. Well, Rand felt as if he was trapped between a good dozen different mountains, all moving to destroy him.

I mean you did turn yourself into one…

The sun was near to setting, and the mountains were bathed in a red light. Beyond them and to the south, so strangely close, lay Emond’s Field and the Two Rivers. A home he would never see again, for a visit would only alert his enemies to his affection for it. He had worked hard to make them think he was a man without affection. At times, he feared that his ruse had become reality.

Mountains. Mountains like duty. The duty of solitude in this case, for somewhere southward along those too-near mountains was his father. Tam.

This whole passage is lovely; sad and beautiful. ‘The duty of solitude’. And the setting sun, bathing those mountains in red – a gathering storm, a growing darkness, a fading light that becomes harder and harder to see as all that is left to him is a duty that feels like it will crush him. The mountains of duty and the red of blood and battle and all that he can see of his future, as the light vanishes.

And at times, he feared that this ruse had become reality. It’s the much more painful side of ‘fake it ‘till you make it’. In the early books he was very much projecting an image of the person he needed to be, or thought he needed to be, but wasn’t yet. But how long can that last before it becomes reality? How far can you go before you lose yourself to it? At some point, does it matter whether it’s a ruse or reality, if the actions taken are the same? Where is that line and how do you keep it from vanishing entirely?

At times, Rand longed for Tam’s voice, his wisdom. Those were the times when Rand knew he had to be the most hard, for a moment of weakness – a moment running to his father for succor – would destroy nearly everything he had worked for. And it would likely mean the end of Tam’s life as well.

But he can’t keep closing off those he loves, and those who love him. The duty of solitude, he calls it, but that’s…part of the problem. He has so few left that he trusts, and there are few left who even see the humanity in him, not to mention his pain, and he can’t do this alone.

Also I just really, really want a Rand and Tam reunion. Rand needs Tam. Rand needs pretty much anyone he can get who still loves him as Rand. And also TAM.

He needed to be alone. Relying on anyone would risk being weak when he reached Shayol Ghul. At the Last Battle, he would not be able to lean on anyone other than himself.

Except…the opposite of this.

Again though, it’s all too easy to see how he comes to this line of thinking. He’s been hurt and betrayed, and he fears that anyone near him will be hurt as well, but…you can’t do this alone, Rand. He has the two other ta’veren, and he will need them. He has Min and Elayne and Aviendha, and he relies on their bond to strengthen him. He has Nynaeve, and he doesn’t have Tam right now but he should, and he has Bashere and Lan and his other allies and he needs all of them; he may stand at the centre of what is coming but the Last Battle can’t just be him. He can’t do all of it on his own. And again, what is he fighting for, if he closes himself off to that extent? It will only get more difficult to care about the rest of the world if he doesn’t allow him to care about those closest to him.

At this rate, his stewards worried that he would soon bankrupt his assets in Illian, Tear and Cairhien. Rand had not told them that he didn’t care. He would see the world to the Last Battle.

And will you have no legacy other than that? a voice whispered in the back of his mind. Not Lews Therin, but his own thought, a small voice, the part of him that had prompted him to found schools in Cairhien and Andor. You wish to live after you die? Will you leave allof those who follow you to war, famine and chaos? Will the destruction be how you live on?

Rand shook his head. He couldn’t fix everything! He was just one man. Looking beyond the Last Battle was foolish. He couldn’t worry about the world then, he couldn’t. To do so would be to take his eye of the goal. And what is the goal? that voice seemed to say. Is it to survive, or is it to thrive? Will you set the groundwork for another Breaking or for another Age of Legends?

What are you fighting for. You need to remember, otherwise you will destroy it in your effort to achieve it. And this is his struggle right now, to care about what comes after, when it’s taking everything he has just to get there. To care not just about victory at the Last Battle but about what that victory means, and what it establishes. Because if all he thinks about is that one single point, if he burns the world to win, then he has not won at all.

And he knows that, but it’s so hard for him to accept and to acknowledge because it’s too much; he’s right that he can’t fix everything, and that he’s just one man. He has to let others help him, and he has to look past that point, and that’s why his role as the potential saviour of the world fucking sucks, because it’s demanding of him everything he has and then some, and he doesn’t even have much hope that he’ll be around to see what comes next. He just has to care anyway, and caring hurts.

Eerily, Rand felt as if he could almost remember those events – not what had happened, but the anger, the desperation, the decision. Was the mistake, then, not using the female half of the Power as well as the male?

Well, partly. Or perhaps they would both have been tainted. But yes, collaboration is probably a good starting point.

There was a game children played, Snakes and Foxes. It was said that the only way to win was to break the rules.

I mean, finding a way to turn the True Power against the Dark One, thus making the Shadow’s own power serve the purpose of the Light could certainly be considered ‘breaking the rules’. The question is how. Moridin seems like the answer there, but…how? Can he be forced into it? Or…I mean okay I’m not sure I want to even hope for redemption here because Ingtar aside that’s not really how these books seem to go but there is the whole no man can walk so long in the Shadow that he cannot come again to the Light so it’s not impossible, maybe…

Could he break the rules by slaying the Dark One?

No don’t do that that’s a terrible idea.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard again, sheepherder,” Min said.

“I have to.”

She pinched his neck hard, and he flinched, grunting. “No you don’t,” she said, her voice close to his ear. “Haven’t you been listening to me? What good will you be if you wear yourself out before you reach the Last Battle?”

Listen to Min, Rand, she’s wonderful and she can help you. Let her help you.

“Cadsuane says that—”

“Wait,” he snapped, twisting around so that he was facing her. She knelt on the bed, short dark hair curling down beneath her chin. She looked shocked by his tone.

“What does Cadsuane have to do with this?” he asked.

Min frowned. “Nothing.”

“She’s been telling you what to say,” Rand said. “She’s been using you to get to me!”

Yikes. If Rand’s reached the point where he can so quickly mistrust Min…

The serving woman continued to clink dishes. Why couldn’t she just leave!

I am concerned about the identity of this serving woman.

Min couldn’t be working with Cadsuane, could she? Rand didn’t trust Cadusane by any measure. If she’d gotten to Min…

Rand felt his heart twist. He wasn’t suspicious of Min, was he?

At least he caught himself. Min is pretty much the last one he does trust completely, and he came very, very close to losing even that. He’s so close to the edge here, to not trusting anyone at all, to being suspicious of even those who love him most. He’s long since stopped trusting Egwene, he has less trust for Nynaeve than he once did and maybe trusts her more than most Aes Sedai but not completely, Elayne…hard to say, but there’s some slight political tension there, Aviendha maybe but they haven’t had a chance to interact in approximately forever because Aviendha’s being stubborn. Lan’s gone again and even that one is a bit strained, which hurts me, he mostly trusts Bashere but still takes some precautions, he hasn’t seen Mat or Perrin in forever and I don’t know if trust is really the right word there anymore either…and that leaves Min. The one person with him who he can confide in, who can bring him at least a little bit back to himself, who he can trust completely.

And he caught himself here, but still the suspicion was so quick to come, and he had to push it aside. It was still his first reaction, and he had to consciously stop himself from following that path. Oh Rand.

Burn me! He thought. She’s right. I’ve grown too harsh. What will become of me if I begin to grow suspicious of those that I know love me? I’ll be no better than mad Lews Therin.

It’s a good line of thought, and a necessary one, but I’m still SO CONCERNED because again, this entire chapter has been ANTICIPATION EVERYWHERE and at any moment it’s going to go horribly wrong and

“Min,” he said, softening his voice. “Maybe you’re right. Perhaps I’ve gone too far.”

She turned to look at him, relaxing. Then she stiffened, eyes widening in shock.

Something cold clicked around Rand’s neck.

AFLKE;JLASJS;ELTIAH;ERKLEFJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

That is such spectacularly terrible timing. The moment he lets his guard down, the moment he lets himself – makes himself – soften even a little. The moment he reminds himself to trust. The moment he begins to admit something he really needs to admit to; he needs this realisation so badly. And he’s on the verge of it there, and then…this.

Because this will only teach him the cost of that ‘weakness’. The price of trust.

It’s so perfect because it’s SO AWFUL. The exact worst thing happening at the exact worst moment.

The serving woman stood behind him, but her form was shimmering. She vanished and was replaced by a woman with dark skin and black eyes, her sharp face triumphant. Semirhage.

HERE. WE. GO.

At that moment, Rand felt terror. He met Semirhage’s eyes anyway, and she smiled deeply.

THIS IS THE WORST THING AND I’M SO HERE FOR IT.

He’s absolutely powerless. It’s the box again but worse, and it’s the same thing – half a second of something that could almost be mistaken for a tiny bit of trust, and it ends in pain and powerlessness and terror. And there’s nothing he can do so he tries to stand defiant but this is Semirhage and she has absolute power over him right now and that is absolutely horrifying.

This is where Rand breaks, isn’t it?

And oh shit I just realised that this is set up so that Min is in the room.

Just when Rand was thinking about how he tried so hard to convince his enemies that he was a man without affection. One of the few people he shows and feels genuine affection for is in the room, and Semirhage knows how to hurt people the most, and “I would cut off my arm before I hurt you.”

Run, Min.

Or throw a knife. That works too.

Well it doesn’t work, actually, which is kind of a shame, but. Massive credit to Min for trying – again. This is Semirhage, one of the Forsaken, one of the most powerful channellers in the world and the monster parents scared their children with for millennia, and Min should be so out of her depth but she just…decides not to be. She’ll face this, and pull a knife, and call for help, and do anything she can think of, because that’s what she does.

And Rand is just…standing there watching, powerless to move, unable to grasp saidin, unable to do anything at all.

Desperate, Rand reached for saidin again, but found nothing. In his head, Lews Therin began to snarl and weep, and Rand felt almost as if he would join the man. Min! He had to get to her. He had to be strong enough!

He forced himself toward Semirhage and Elza, but it was as if he were trying to move someone else’s legs. He was trapped in his own head, like Lews Therin. He opened his mouth to curse, but nothing came out beyond a croak.

This is…terrifying and it’s just the beginning, because she hasn’t even done anything yet. But he’s absolutely powerless, no matter how much he tells himself that he has to be strong enough – there’s nothing he can do. He’s been here before, in the box, and that only makes it worse.

And…somehow he’s going to have to find a way out of this, because that’s how this works, so now I’m just remembering the They will pay. I am the Lord of the Morning moment and trying to think how that will scale up, and.

I love how perfectly, incredibly, beautifully awful this is. It’s…you really couldn’t make this worse for Rand. To be so powerless, at a moment where he almost allowed himself to acknowledge that he has gone too far. To take that and then encage him, put him at the mercy of the one who knows pain better than possibly anyone else alive. While Min is there. And he knows what this collar is, knows that Semirhage can control him with it, knows her and what she is capable of, and there’s no way out.

Just. Wow. I…yeah.

Rand stood up off the bed, his legs moving against his will. Then, his own hand whipped up and began to squeeze his throat just above the neck band. He gasped, stumbling. Frantic, he reached again for saidin. He found pain.

THIS IS SO MUCH.

I UNDERSTAND NOW WHY YOU ALL KEPT WHISPERING ‘22’ AT ME.

THIS IS SO SPECTACULARLY TERRIBLE AND IT’S JUST GOING TO GET WORSE AND THIS IS IT THIS IS THE BREAKING POINT THIS IS

This is just the warm-up and

We’re in the box again! Lews Therin cried.

And suddenly, he was. He could see it, the black confines, crushing him. His body sore from repeated beatings, his mind frantic to remain sane. Lews Therin had been his only companion.

I mean there is a slight irony to ‘frantic to remain sane’ being immediately followed by talking about the voice in his head as his only companion. But yeah, this is the box again. Except, you know, worse.

Boxes are bad for dragons.

Rand hadn’t been willing to see Lews Therin as part of himself. The mad part of himself, the part that could deal with torture, if only because it was already so tortured. More pain and suffering was meaningless.

This is Fine, I am completely fine, this is absolutely 100% okay. Oh, Rand. That…hurts.

And it’s also such a twisted reflection of Egwene’s recent adventures in pain. She took it in and was able to disregard it because it was secondary to the greater pain of watching the Tower fall apart, but in it she found strength and purpose and a cause she believed in. There is pain, but she could endure it because she was focused on something greater. Rand…it’s similar and yet so very different. The pain is meaningless because there’s so much more pain, so much that he won’t even let himself acknowledge it as his, because it broke Lews Therin so how could it not break him too, if he lets that barrier down? The pain is just more pain, and he’s focused on another goal, but even that brings pain, and he’s forcing himself through it but it all hurts and he so badly wants an ending but he can’t even let himself hope for that too strongly. It’s such an excellent and terrible not-quite-parallel, because it really does manage to be so similar in so many ways, and yet create a sense of opposites.

Perhaps a large portion of the difference comes from that moment when Egwene realised the key: understanding. She knows why she’s fighting, and it strengthens her. Rand hasn’t reached that point of his own arc, quite – he knows he has to win the Last Battle but he’s lost so much of the reason for it. He’ll have to reach that point too, but this is….not the time for it. This is kind of the opposite of that.

He stopped screaming. The pain was still there, it made his eyes water, but the screams would not come. All fell still.

And Egwene stood silently before Elaida and the other Aes Sedai, beaten and bleeding, but calm. Yet for her it was a moment of triumph, while for Rand it is a moment of desperation; he is very close to seeking refuge in madness, here. He is powerless and he can’t see a way out and it’s taking him back to the worst thing he has endured and making it even worse and this is not even remotely a moment of victory. This is despair.

So you get these scenes that are similar in staging, to some extent, with similar beats, and yet they serve almost opposite purposes. I love it.

Also just so much pain.

Semirhage looked down at him, frowning, blood dripping from her chin. Another wave of pain washed across him. Whoever he was.

He stared up at her. Silent.

WHOEVER HE WAS.

WOW.

THAT’S…damn. Whoever he was. He’s adrift in pain, letting himself take refuge in the part of him that is Lews Therin, because there is so much pain there that more is meaningless, and yet he’s not fully Lews Therin either, he’s just…

It reminds me of the battle of Cairhien, in that sequence where Rand comes close to losing himself kind of for the first time, where we get one of my favourite lines: because of Couladin, true, but at the heart of it, because of himself. For a moment, he could not remember his name.

It’s eerie and silent and absolutely terrifying.

Whoever he was. Just…yeah. I…yeah.

He stared up at her. Silent.

When they beat him, after taking him out of the box, he made himself smile through the pain. Now…now it is just silence. Staring at her silently as the pain washes over him and even his identity is adrift. Silence. Nothing. And in its own way it’s even more than the defiant smile. This isn’t defiance, really. It’s something else. Apathy, maybe, except that’s not quite right either.

“What are you doing?” she said, compelling him. “Speak.”

“No more can be done to me,” he whispered.

OH.

WOW.

OKAY THAT’S.

ALRIGHT. UM.

YEAH.

I was trying to find the words to describe the silence and then THIS HAPPENED and yeah it’s a perfect description and it’s so chilling.

Also because Rand now is not the time to issue that kind of challenge.

But mostly because…no more can be done to me. We’ve reached that point. So much pain and suffering that more is just…more. It’s meaningless. There’s nothing left, and there’s barely even anything left of him, and he is a being of pain, what’s a little more?

There’s just this sense of that step past desperation – desperation implies hope. And Rand was there a few seconds ago but now he’s just…pain.

Wow that line is a lot.

Shit. Okay.

Another wave of pain. It shocked him, and something inside of him whimpered, but he gave no outward reaction. Not because he held the screams in, but because he couldn’t feel anything.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THIS.

Well okay actually I want to compare it to Egwene again because that’s another difference – she withstands the pain, and accepts it. She feels it, and it hurts, and she withstands it because there is a greater pain that she also allows herself to feel, and she accepts that too because it is a part of her purpose, and she embraces that purpose.

I just love how a very similar concept – the nature of pain, and the point at which it is ‘overcome’ – can be used in such starkly different scenes. One a triumph, one a nadir.

The box, the two wounds in his side corrupting his own blood, beatings, humiliation, sorrows and his own suicide.

OKAY JUST. THROW THAT AT ME. RIGHT OKAY UM.

Sorrows and his own suicide WHY WOULD YOU EVEN.

Just. Wow. That…I can’t really say that came out of nowhere but damn.

Killing himself. He could suddenly and starkly remember that.

The moment Lews Therin broke. And he can remember it, remember it clearly, sorrows and his own suicide, and what does that do to someone? To remember that, while he is powerless and in pain, already barely withstanding everything he has to endure in this lifetime, remembering in vivid detail the moment he broke in his last one. I just. This is.

This is so good. This is so well done; that doesn’t do it justice but I’m really kind of amazed by this scene because to get something like this right is hard. Rand’s been through so much that it could easily just be ‘okay and now there’s more pain’, or it could be too much and just become absurd or meaningless, but it manages to find a balance where everything just hurts.

After all of these things, what more could Semirhage do to him?

Do. Not. Ask. That.

“Great Mistress,” Elza said, turning to Semirhage, eyes still seeming faintly dazed by something.

Possibly by the removal of the Compulsion in her mind but also very possibly by the pain she can feel secondhand through the Domination Band. And Rand doesn’t even consider that; it’s another of those moments where you see Rand through another character’s eyes even as you’re in his POV and it’s a little bit horrifying.

“That’s twice now those knives have tasted my blood.”

Min. Run.

“You say nothing more can be done to you? You forget, Lews Therin, to whom you speak. Pain is my specialty”

Yeah.

The thing is, hurting Rand himself may be more or less meaningless at this point. He exists in pain. But you don’t have to hurt Rand to break him.

He turned around, obeying her wordless command, and found Min hanging above the floor, tied by invisible ropes of Air. Her eyes were wild with fear, her arms bound behind her back, her mouth blocked by a woven Air gag.

It was always leading here. To hurt one of the last people in the world he cares about, who loves him, who he loves. And he remembers Lews Therin’s last moments, remembers Ilyena, remembers sorrows and his own suicide and now he’s standing powerless and in pain and he has to see where this is going and still there is nothing he can do.

This is…absolutely perfect. There’s really no way this could have been made worse.

Use it, Lews Therin whispered. Kill her while we can! I will not kill a woman, Rand thought stubbornly, a figment of a memory from the back of his mind. That is the line I will not cross…

I mean if you don’t cross it you’re going to kill a woman you care about. But if you do cross it, then you’ve crossed your last line. And so either way Rand loses, because this is the line he has drawn in the sand, the moral event horizon he has set himself, the last threshold he will not – cannot – cross, because crossing it means he has nothing left to hold to. It doesn’t matter what the line is; it matters that there is a line at all, and now…I’m not really seeing a way out of this without crossing it one way or another.

The last that could be done. There is a double meaning there, perhaps, and if so it’s excellent.

And then he began to form weaves, complicated ones of Spirit and Fire.

“Yes,” Semirhage said, almost to herself. “Now, if I can remember…The male way of doing this is so odd, sometimes.”

Rand made the weaves, then pushed them toward Min. “No!” he screamed as he did so. “Not that!”

“Ah, so you see,” Semirhage said. “You weren’t so difficult to break after all.”

Semirhage is spectacular. I was annoyed that she wasn’t getting a chance to live up to her reputation but holy shit does this ever make up for it. Because this. This is.

This is one hell of a way to fulfil the character Semirhage promised, in the mentions and glimpses of her. Which is a hard thing to do, because that kind of character often works better off-screen than on; most of the time they end up disappointing. Semirhage almost did, but man, this changes things.

The weaves touched Min and she writhed in pain. Rand continued to channel, tears springing to his eyes as he was forced to send the complex weaves through her body.

I am 100% certain this is not the way he should be re-learning tears.

Semirhage must have released Min’s gag, for she began to scream, weeping. “Please, Rand!” she begged. “Please!”

And it’s awful because she loves him and cares for him and trusts him, and knows he never wants to hurt her…and now he is torturing her and it isn’t him and she knows that but that kind of…doesn’t change the fact that she is in pain at his hands. And she’s begging him, and there’s no way he’s not going to play that over and over in his mind and hate himself for it, and what is it going to be like for Min, to look at someone she loves and remember agony at his hands?

Rand roared in anger, trying to stop, unable to. He could feel Min’s pain through the bond, feel it as he caused it.

I…he isn’t actually going to kill Min, is he? And in doing so break the Warder bond himself? We’re not actually going there, are we?

“Stop this!” he bellowed.

“Beg,” Semirhage said.

“Please,” he said, weeping. “Please, I beg you.”

He’s not even trying for defiance. He just…begs.

I guess the fact that he’s weeping could be considered progress?

But damn the image of him standing there, torturing someone he loves and begging, when moments before there was nothing but pain and silence.

He bowed his head. There had to be a way out! He imagined her using him to tear through the ranks of his own men. He imagined them afraid to attack, lest they harm him. He saw the blood, death and destruction he would cause. And it chilled him, turned him to ice inside.

They have won.

THIS IS SO. MUCH.

THIS IS SO GOOD I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE I’M JUST.

WELL FUCKING PLAYED.

That image. Of Rand used as a weapon against his own, of Dumai’s Wells and Ebou Dar but so many times worse, turned against his own side; he’s made himself into a weapon and now he’s in the wrong hands and wow that is an image.

I mean, it’s not going to come to that but it kind of doesn’t need to.

Semirhage glanced at the door, then turned back to him and smiled. “But I’m afraid we must deal with her first. Let’s be about it then.”

Rand turned and began to walk toward Min. “No!” he said. “You promised if I begged—”

“I promised nothing,” Semirhage said with a laugh. “You begged quite prettily, Lews Therin, but I have chosen to ignore your pleas.”

She’s good. She’s very, very good at this. To make him do what he would see as the worst possible thing, to offer him a way out. And he begged so easily, without hesitation, because there was no question of defiance at that point. To give him that reprieve, even as he thought ahead to the horrors awaiting, but at least the immediate horror has passed. And then to turn back as an afterthought. It’s so much worse than if she had done this right away. To give him that almost-hope, and then to hand him absolute despair.

He stepped up to Min, her pleading eyes meeting his. Then he pressed his hand to her throat, gripping it, and began to squeeze.

“No…” he whispered in horror as his hand, against his will, cut off her air. Min stumbled, and he unwillingly forced her down to the ground, easily ignoring her struggles. He loomed above her, pressing his hand against her throat, gripping it and choking her. She looked at him, eyes beginning to bulge.

How will she look at him after this? It’s such beautifully crafted cruelty towards both of them. They’re both absolutely powerless and this isn’t Rand’s fault, it’s not his choice…but it is still him. And the way it’s written, the language here, highlights that. Forcing her to the ground. Ignoring her struggles. Looming above her. And she can know it’s not really him, that he’s being forced to do this, but. It’s his face and his hands and his body and he is the one she sees and that’s not the sort of thing you can just forget, or ignore.

The one who loves him, the one who trusts him, the one he trusts, the one he can confide in. The one who still sees him as human, as ‘sheepherder’, as Rand. And she’ll still want to, but how do you…get past something like this? How do you avoid it leaving some scars? And that will only hurt them both more.

Also please, please do not kill Min.

This can’t be happening.

Semirhage laughed.

Ilyena! Lews Therin wailed. Oh, Light! I’ve killed her!

Rand squeezed harder, leaning down for leverage, his fingers squeezing Min’s skin and pushing down on her throat.

It’s so detailed, so visceral, which of course it is because that’s the entire point. Every step of this is him, he is doing this and causing this pain and there’s nothing he can do to make it stop and this is Min and she’s still staring up at him and wow this scene is.

He felt horror, he felt her pain. Min’s face grew purple, her eyes fluttered. Rand wailed. THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! I WILL NOT DO THIS AGAIN!

ASLFKAJSLESJAT;LIEHRSE

And he’s remembering the last time and it’s the same thing, lifetimes repeating, doomed to Lews Therin’s fate as he so feared he would be, remembering breaking as Lews Therin even as he’s being broken as Rand and it just compounds, and

Something snapped inside of him.

Okay.

Yeah.

So this is.

This is it.

This is the actual breaking point and.

He grew cold; then that coldness vanished, and he could feel nothing.

The last that could be done. The last step into absolute unfeeling steel, into numbness, nothingness.

No emotion. No anger.

At that moment he grew aware of a strange force.

……..oh.

No.

NO THAT ISN’T

ARE YOU

THAT IS

And if it is, if what it takes to access that power is true nothingness, no emotion, no anger…what does it say about Rand that this is the state he has been striving for for so long? To be steel. To harden himself until he cannot feel. If that has been his goal, and in achieving it he can touch the Shadow’s own power…

I mean the ‘I must be steel’ thing was pretty clearly Not Good but if the endpoing of that trajectory is the True Power, that’s. Um. I mean, the goal was to play Rand until he served the Shadow, even as he stood as champion of the Light. He must know anguish.

Wow.

Okay I can say I did not expect this.

I mean, I wondered, briefly, about Rand and the True Power in terms of his connection to Moridin - I remember at one point saying ‘...Rand can’t use the True Power, can he?’ which in hindsight oops - but like.

I did not expect this.

A clouded face flashed before Rand’s own, one whose features he couldn’t quite make out. It was gone in a moment.

Is he accessing this through Moridin, somehow? And in light of what I was just speculating about, with the whole ‘saidin was tainted because it touched the Dark One but something has to touch him’ thing…if Rand can access the True Power….

But that’s going to come at a price.

I mean the fact that he’s accessing it at all, here, is a price.

Oh, Light, Lews Therin suddenly screamed. That’s impossible! We can’t use it! Cast it away! That is death we hold, death and betrayal!

It is HIM.

Chills. Actual chills. That is…wow. That is such a terrifying, perfect, chilling moment. It is HIM. That beat, there. The realisation. The absolute stunned horror.

This is Rand’s low point, and he reaches out and touches the Shadow.

How perfect is that? How absolutely, perfectly, beautifully terrible?

That is death we hold, death and betrayal. What a line.

I wondered how They will pay. I am the Lord of the Morning would scale up. This. This is how. This is…

Looking for any way out, a way to save himself and Min, a way to escape from Semirhage’s hold over him, a way to reclaim himself…

And to do so, he seizes the Dark One’s own power.

Rand closed his eyes as he knelt above Min, then he channelled the strange, unknown force. Energy and life surged through him, a torrent of power like saidin, only ten times as sweet and a hundred times as violent. It made him alive, made him realise that he’d never been alive before. It gave him such strength as he’d never imagined. It rivalled, even, the power he’d held when drawing from the Choedan Kal.

He screamed, in both rapture and rage, and wove enormous spears of Fire and Air. He slammed the weaves against the collar at his neck, and the room exploded with flames and bits of molten metal, each one distinct to Rand. He could feel each shard of metal blast away from his neck, warping the air with its heat, trailing smoke as it hit a wall or the floor. He opened his eyes and released Min. She gasped and sobbed.

And somehow this, his moment of escape and what should be some kind of victory, eclipses in horror the previous moments. Somehow, this managed to make it worse, even as he freed himself. It is HIM.

This.

Is a stunningly well-executed scene.

Because this is it. The last that could be done, and he reached for any way to stop it, any way at all, and found true emotionlessness and in that, the Shadow’s power.

The champion of the Light, channelling the power of the Dark One. He must know anguish. He did, and it pushed him to this. It is HIM. And so the Shadow lays claim to him. He hasn’t turned but this is…I mean, this is what the Shadow wanted. Even his victory may be as dark as his defeat. It was the only way, and yet.

The True Power.

I’m still just…kind of stunned.

Oh okay we’re not done.

Of course we’re not done.

Rand raised a hand and, filled with the power he did not understand, wove a single weave. A bar of pure white light, a cleansing fire, burst from his hand and struck Semirhage in the chest. She flashed and vanished, leaving a faint afterimage to Rand’s vision. Her bracelet dropped to the floor.

Elza ran toward the door. She vanished before another bar of light, her entire figure becoming light for a moment.

No anguish, no agonised decision, no moment of hesitation, no word, not even any thought shown. Just…a lifted hand, a weave of power, and light. One and then the other, and we see nothing of Rand’s thoughts. No anger, no emotion.

The last line. The last that could be done.

And in that sense, breaking the Domination Band is rather symbolic – it’s the shattering of a restraint. The last thing holding him back. And he breaks it, using the True Power, and as that last restraint falls away and he embraces the Shadow’s power, he crosses the last restraint he’s made for himself. Quietly, almost easily.

What have you done? Lews Therin asked. Oh, Light. Better to have killed again than to do this...Oh, Light. We are doomed.

Rand savoured the power for a moment longer, then – regretfully – let it drop away.

That is such a chilling contrast. Still no thoughts from Rand, because it’s all Lews Therin now. Rand has relinquished that. He’s crossed that line and a part of him knows it, and is horrified by it – and more so by that power he has just touched – but only as Lews Therin does he let himself acknowledge it. And the only thoughts we’re getting here are Lews Therin’s, because Rand is in that numb state of no emotion.

And the contrast of Lews Therin’s absolute horror against Rand savouring that power, and regretfully letting it go. Not even thinking about what he’s just done.

It’s also…I love that it’s What have you done rather than the more classic What have I done? Because, given the nature of Rand and Lews Therin, it’s the same thing. But because it’s phrased this way, it’s also…not. And it’s even more chilling because of it.

The way he can go from we are doomed to this eerily quiet savouring of power before regretfully relinquishing it. The True Power.

You guys. I’m. Wow. This is a lot, and I was expecting a lot. But this is phenomenal. This is absolutely perfect and by that I mean this is the actual worst thing that could possibly have happened and it’s executed so. well.

Just the soft, chilling, silent horror here, and the sense that a part of Rand is screaming and he doesn’t let himself acknowledge it – at least not as himself. That he’s just…empty but for this power he has now found. Empty and emotionless and unfettered.

She looked up at him, and seemed afraid. He doubted that she would ever see him the same way again.

….Yeah.

I mean this is Min, and she’s pretty incredible, but. Yeah.

Also still the narrative we get from Rand is so…emotionless. Clinical. This is technically a thought from him, this expression of doubt, but there’s nothing attached to it. No emotion, no sense of regret, just…statement. Lews Therin is the only part of him that’s able to feel anything about what’s just happened, and that part is almost incoherently horrified. It’s this chilling, jarring dissonant contrast, within Rand’s mind, and the way it’s played out here is…yeah. *shivers*

He had been wrong; there had indeed been something more that Semirhage could do to him. He had felt himself killing one he loved dearly. Before, when he’d done it as Lews Therin, he had been mad and unable to control himself. He could barely remember slaying Ilyena, as if through a clouded dream. He’d realised what he had done only after Ishamael had awakened him.

Finally, now, he knew precisely what it was like to watch as he killed those he loved.

Even this is…clinical, sterile. Precise. A clear description, but utterly devoid of emotion. Eerily so, because the last bit of true emotion we got was Lews Therin’s voice with Oh light…we are doomed. And before that the absolute terror of It is HIM.

And in that time, Rand has escaped Semirhage’s grasp and seized the Shadow’s power and killed two people and crossed his last threshold, and all without…thought. Emotion. It’s just…events. Happening. Actions. Which makes this all so much more horrifying. And makes it so much clearer exactly what it is that he’s done here, in taking those last steps.

The last that could be done.

This. This is a low point. This is the low point.

Also I have to take note of how Rand doesn’t distinguish between himself and Lews Therin in that last paragraph there. It’s when he’d done it as Lews Therin rather than when Lews Therin had done it. It’s he realised what he had done. So on the one hand he’s pushing any horror he feels at all of this across that barrier but on the other hand…he’s barely keeping them separate. Which is interesting. Is that the next thing, then? The piece that will let him start stepping away from this low point? Though I have a feeling we’ll be spending a little more time down here. Best get comfortable.

“It is done,” Rand whispered.

“What?” Min asked, coughing again.

“The last that could be done to me,” he said, surprised at his own calmness. “They have taken everything from me now.”

Oh, Rand.

And it’s fitting that he’s so calm, that he says this so quietly and emotionlessly, and it hurts and it’s beautiful and I thought I was prepared for this but in hindsight I’m not sure I was actually completely prepared for it.

This exceeded my expectations.

They have taken everything from me now. I just...oh Rand.

Just that…calm acceptance that it is done. This is it. There is nothing more they can do, they have taken everything, there is nothing left to hold on to. He has crossed those last lines and while he literally begged and wept in the moments before, at the actual threshold it’s barely a sigh. And now that he has crossed, now that it’s done, it’s just…quiet. Because what more is there to plead for, or fight against? What purpose is there in defiance, in anguish? He has lost everything, relinquished the last of himself, crossed the final line that was holding him, that was letting himself believe he still had some shred of Light left to him, and now that’s gone, and so this is it. No pain, no emotion, nothing, because he has moved past that now.

Which is, you know, horrifying.

On so many levels.

I love this. A lot. This is how you break a character.

And it’s also a really interesting place to go because while I’ll be astonished if he doesn’t manage to find his way back somehow – or forward, I suppose, or upwards – crossing a moral event horizon and reaching this state of the-other-side-of-pain-but-not-in-a-good-way is. Quite a step. As far as Rand is concerned, he’s now past the point of redemption. So where do you go from there? What does he do in this state, and more than that, how does he find his way back to humanity?

“I have made my choice, Min,” he said, turning toward the door. “You have asked for flexibility and laughter from me, but such things are no longer mine to give. I am sorry.”

Even that is…we still don’t really see his thoughts here. Because there…kind of isn’t anything there. It’s not a painful, agonising sorrow. It’s not horror at having hurt her, and begging forgiveness. It’s not feeling her love through the bond. It’s just…a statement of fact. I don’t know how human the Dragon Reborn can afford to be, he said to Nynaeve seven books ago. And now…this. The last that could be done.

It appeared that steel was too weak.

He would be harder, now. He understood how. Where he had once been steel, he became something else. From now on, he was cuendillar. HE had entered a place like the void that Tam had trained him to seek, so long ago. But within this void he had no emotion. None at all.

They could not break or bend him.

It was done.

And so the Shadow rejoices.

What a chapter.

That…yeah. That was incredible. I asked for fictional characters in pain and wow did this deliver.

And just…damn. I…yeah. Okay. I’m going to have a cup of tea and like. Stare at it.

Next (TGS ch 23) Previous (TGS ch 21)

#there were some genuine surprises in there well done #that was A Lot #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #The Gathering Storm

82 notes · View notes

laceyeb · 7 years

Text

DWTS Season 24 Finale Recap

Alas, my last recap of what turned out to be a glorious season in those last like 45 seconds there.

Here’s my random ramblings (just like Sharna!) throughout this finale night. And this is a tumblr only version of my usual recap and in place of liveblogging so it’s gonna be a bit more entertaining. It’s also terribly confusing without any context, but just go with it...

I’m nervous but I’m also not that nervous. Like I didn’t really get nervous until right now when I’m finally starting the show. I haven’t been spending all day stressing out like I normally do. I think it’s because I’m significantly less invested than I was last time. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m invested and I certainly want Rashad and Emma to win, but this isn’t quite on the level of how badly I wanted James and Sharna to win. And I’ll be more okay with Normani and Val winning than I was with Laurie and Val winning. I do seriously adore Normani and I think she deserves it. But Rashad and Emma have the connection and the growth and the beautiful partnership that I love to see.

Erin looks so pretty! Ahh!

Oh hey Alan.

Is it as weird to everyone else to see the judges like outside in the elements. Why aren’t they at their table?! It’s oddly unsettling!

So is this beginning just going to be a walk through their journeys? That will do nothing to calm my growing nerves!

David and Lindsay seriously have the sweetest relationship. One of my favorites I’ve ever seen in 24 seasons. Like TPTB couldn’t have known these two would build the relationship they have and it’s just been amazing to watch. I didn’t know him before he was on here and now I’m in love.

Simone’s jive outfit might be my favorite of hers all season.

Watching Rashad and Emma’s journey and I’m remembering the emotional last rehearsal they do for their fusion dance that somehow I always forget they do every time and I’m not at all ready for it with these two.

“I know this wouldn’t be the same with somebody else.”

Again. I cry.

Literally ONE HUNDRED more hours rehearsing than the other two couples. COME ON.

I was really looking forward to this girls’ number and it did not disappoint at all. But like was there anyone besides Sharna out there because I didn’t notice. SHARNA I’VE MISSED YOU.

Heeeey Alan.

I love Normani and I LOVE that she came in as a huge fan of the show. Those are my favorites.

All these other guys can go. I just need Alan. And Keo can stay too. And Gleb I guess.

“These are trying times. Sorry about that. I’m beside myself.” - Erin after the guys’ dance. She’s my favorite ever.

Alright. Now we’re finally getting into it. This is so fun with everyone all there together!

Oh hey Nick! I forgot about you and how much I liked you!

Oh wait. Now we have to recap last night. I already watched it! Can we move on?!

Dude! I just picked up my phone and opened up instagram without thinking! Closed that real quick! That was a close one!

It would have been nice if Bonner was this halfway decent from the very beginning. Geez. I tried not to see the awkward tension between them because I’ve just tried to ignore all this, but… well… it was hard to miss.

Erin says every night should be country night and I agree.

This season has been so weird and unsettling and oddly long and I had totally forgotten about Alan dancing with Heather so here’s another moment I say ALAN FOR PRO.

The Nick and Maks bromance is everything. I hope everyone now loves Nick as much as I always have.

I appreciated David and Lindsay’s Magic Mike dance so much more tonight than the first time around.

BLOOPER TIME. This stuff always reminds me why Erin is the best ever.

Holy shit. I know absolutely nothing of Charo except the hot mess she was on this show, so that was exceptionally amazing and unexpected! And Keo and Witney’s dance was EVERYTHING!

Oh man. The nerves are kicking in again.

I don’t want them to redo their favorite dances. I NEED FUSION DANCES!!!

Ugh. I’m getting impatient now.

We get a little preview of them getting ready for their fusion dances and CAN EMMA STOP CRYING PLEASE?! “I don’t know if I’ll get this again.” Yes. Exactly. That’s it. That’s what’s special about them. Oh geez. I’m all stressed out. For me this whole show is all about the partnership. Not the best dancer or performer or most improved or most entertaining or anything else like that. It’s all about finding the couple that builds a relationship, that becomes a team, that makes me fall in love with them, and that creates this absolutely unbreakable bond. And that is Rashad and Emma this season. That’s why I love them.

Are there always such excessive nonsense random singers and performers that I just block out after the season is over? I was about to mute One Republic, but then I saw Gleb and Sharna stroll in like they owned the place so then I had to watch!

I loved Normani and Val’s, um… construction worker dance the first time around if I remember correctly. (I might remember a lack of salsa content, but I don’t care about that anymore.) I couldn’t handle the contrast between Len just happily clapping along in the corner and Bruno stripping the whole time.

I’ve been waiting an hour and a half for Lady Antebellum. Finally. Geez. I also appreciate any chance to see Hayley because I just love watching her dance.

This alarmingly random Mr. T segment is one of the weirder things I’ve seen on this show and that’s saying something! But I think I loved it!

Hard pass on Nicole Scherzinger. Took me a second to think back and figure out who Tom was talking about when he said “season 10 champion” and then it all came flooding back. That was Erin’s season and one of my favorites, but I was no Nicole fan at all. It’s been 14 seasons and that hasn’t been enough time…

I like Normani as much as the next guy, but this is the first time this season I’ve been hearing talk of her being the best ever (Val said something like that and now Peta) and that threw me because wouldn’t someone have said that already if that was the case? Like maybe way back in week 6 or something. (You feel me on that?) And she’s very good obviously, but best ever? Calm down a little bit there.

Gotta say I’m really appreciating all the Sharna I’m getting in all the pro numbers. Silver lining.

David and Lindsay - 9,9,9,9 - foxtrot/salsa

They are just the absolute sweetest. What a nice dance for them to finish on. They’re gonna have to not cry now because then I’ll cry. I think it’s safe to assume they’re not going to win (though stranger things have happened) and that’s okay. I feel like the two of them have won something so much more special in the friendship they have built. The two of them have bonded more than most on this show and I just adore everything about the two of them together and each of them individually.

Normani and Val - 10,10,10,10 - Argentine tango/foxtrot

Here’s the thing. I’ve loved her for a while now. She grew on me and now I just adore her because she’s so amazing. But right now is the first time I’ve really understood and seen the connection and the relationship between them. And it felt more out of place tonight because the relationships between the other two couples are almost incomparably strong and have been all season. “When did you realize there was real chemistry here? This is an amazing partnership,” says Tom. But like this is the first time we’re talking about this all season unless I missed something? (I think my nerves are making me a little salty right now.) But anyways, the dance was perfect. Flawless. Loved it.

Rashad and Emma - 10,9,10,10 - cha cha/tango

I just put all 10s down before I saw the scores because I assume that’s right. Actually I could have predicted the scores for all 3 couples here, but that’s just because these fusions, though fun, have gotten rather predictable. (Well, Len really screwed with that, didn’t he?) My love for them is strong and no secret. Their partnership and their connection and their bond is without a doubt one of the best we’ve ever seen. Top 5 easy. Honestly, probably second only behind James and Sharna for me. And I’ve been waiting for this moment with them looking back on their journey together because I could use a good cry. “I don’t know if I’ll get this again, but I’m so grateful it happened.” Crying. That’s so intense and emotional when you think about it because that’s exactly right. Just thinking about Emma’s own journey she’s had throughout her seasons and what she’s got this season is just incredible. And now Emma’s crying again or probably just still crying. I think she’s been crying for like 3 weeks. RASHAD ON TOUR OH THANK GOD. “He really is everything.” Ugh. Just like with David and Lindsay, they have obviously won something so much more than a trophy. Emma just said it. Some things are bigger than this show. On season 15, Kelly Monaco once said (week 4 after their contemporary dance because I would know that), “This show has absolutely nothing to do with dancing,” and I’ll always remember that because it’s one of my favorite things anyone has ever expressed in 24 seasons and it’s exactly how I feel about Rashad and Emma. The friendship they have now is just so much more important than anything else. Like they don’t need to win because they’ve got each other in their lives now. But if they could go ahead and win in TWELVE MINUTES I’d be okay with that. Oh right... They danced. It was perfect. (Can we also talk about what a good job I’ve done not shipping them because honestly if you know me at all I probably deserve an award for my self restraint.)

And a commercial break. Oh boy. Here it comes.

This live performance “journey down memory lane” thing gets me every time. Just look at the way they’re standing there together holding each other. Good grief. More tears. Emma’s just standing there with tears streaming down her face and I honestly can’t handle this any longer.

Oh shit. Here we go.

H O L Y C R A P

OH MY GOD. I’m literally shaking. I cannot believe that just happened. I literally think I’m dreaming. This can’t be real. I’m honestly in shock. What happened? I didn’t imagine that? That really happened??? Actually… You know what? I don’t even care. This is about to be the longest commercial break of my life.

YEEESSSSSSAIUILUAWEIUFBUHOI

I gotta be honest you guys. I didn’t think this was going to happen. I was ready for yet another season (4 in a row) of “disappointed, but not surprised.” My mom checked who won at 8 our time and texted me and told me to stay off facebook. I knew that obviously, but that was what convinced me that it would end in disappointment. She’s “friends” with Maks on facebook and tells me about the stuff he posts all the time, so I thought it was a post from Maks about the big win. I did myself the favor of not getting my hopes up this time and I think that made this victory all the more satisfying. Obviously this turned out 100% how I wanted it, but I didn’t expect it. I really didn’t. I didn’t want to say anything before because I wanted to stay positive, but I expected second place and I was okay with it because they have each other and their friendship.

BUT HOLY SHIT AM I HAPPY THEY WON

Honestly it’s about damn time my favorites won. I’ve been waiting for this moment since the long ago days of season 18 and I’m just so so so happy.

#dwts 24 #dwts24recaps

13 notes · View notes