#forsaken was good! it was interesting! the enemies and the scene was interesting but when you finish that content it feels like

[ot3]

Sorry to bother - feel free to ignore. I’m trying to write an orv fic bc. I like them. And I’m having trouble understanding why with the regression depression it’s the happy memories that get yjh the most. Best I can figure it’s bc he can use the bad memories to propel him forward - like he’s doing this to avenge them. But the good memories force him to realize these people are gone and he’ll never see them again. Do you have any thoughts? Thanks!

i think that's definitely more or less accurate! i think the 'those people are gone and he'll never see them again' bit you've pointed out is the critical piece here. ill stick my further thoughts below the cut. this is really long because i've pulled a LOT of long chunks of text from the novel to shore up this point. i just got home from work so my thoughts are gonna be a little bit incoherent here. skip to the end if you're not interested in reading all the segments i pulled from the text. spoilers all the way up through chapter 508

first things first, let's just go back to the novel and look at all the bits where YJH's depression gets brought up

“Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk-nim has already repeated a few lives. You have fought against terrible enemies and struggled against the beings of this world to save people. Enduring alone, lonely memories… We respect your sublime spirit.”

This jerk, such skillful flattery. Yoo Jonghyuk would be moved to tears if he heard. Later when he was depressed, I would have to tell him these words.

“But Yoo Jonghyuk-nim should’ve realized it from your past regressions. Even if you have an outstanding miracle, you alone can’t fight against the disasters that will come.”

Plus, he was right.

- from ch 48

「 Everything is twisted because of this person. 」

「 It is different from what I know in the earlier regressions. The amount of information available is too limited. I can’t save the world like this. 」

What was this?

「 The reason I was hurt by the Salvation Church was because we spent too much time in the last round. It was a mistake to train for 100 years then. My mind was permanently damaged. 」

「 Maybe it was a mistake not to get the Absolute Throne.  」

「 I will start from the beginning again… 」

Dammit, the regressor’s depression had begun. Was it due to the mental attack? I cried out in fear of what he would decide. “I’m hurt you jerk!”

- from ch 140

「 Those people can’t save the world, even with 100 trucks. 」

「 Once again, the answer is regression… 」

“Now now, our Supreme King isn’t in a good mood right now so back off. Do you want to die?” I personally stepped forward to get rid of any causes of depression.

- later on in ch140 as well

This jerk, he was always so impatient. He had been given time to rest but he was still busy thinking. Regardless of his depressed state, Yoo Jonghyuk was Yoo Jonghyuk.

“Before that, let’s take a moment to breath. The view is great.” I said while sitting on the roof railing.

Yoo Jonghyuk asked me, “What are you up to?”

“I’m just looking at the world. Isn’t it beautiful?” The city of Seoul was destroyed by the monsters. I quickly added, “It was originally a beautiful place.”

“I don’t like landscapes.”

“Why?”

“They are things that will disappear someday.”

I thought I had a bit more understanding of the third regression Yoo Jonghyuk after fighting against Shin Yoosung. I wanted to believe he was a person who could love this world without giving up or feeling despair.

I told him, “However, we need to protect these things.”

“Kim Dokja, you don’t know.”

This might be my misunderstanding. Yoo Jonghyuk could give up at any time because he was still in the midst of his regressions.

In the end, Yoo Jonghyuk’s purpose was to prevent the ‘destruction of this world.’ Paradoxically, he could give up on this world at any time. His essence was regression and this fact would never change.

“No, I know,” I replied.

“What?”

“The fact that you can regress at any time means that death is meaningless.”

I looked down at Lee Seolhwa caring for the injured. Lee Seolhwa was feeding her boiled soup to an unknown person. Despite her efforts, there was a high probability that the character would die. Even if they lied now, they would die tomorrow. If they miraculously survived tomorrow, they would die the day after tomorrow.

It was the same in the fourth regression and the fifth regression. There would always be ‘death’ in the world of Yoo Jonghyuk, even after passing the 100th regression.

“If there is no sense of death then the value of life also disappears.”

- ch141

There was the vague belief that he could do better in the next round with more information. It was easy for him to give up on this regression if something went wrong.

This was the precursor symptom of ‘regression depression.’ Some of the contents of Ways of Survival passed through my head.

It was around the 48th regression. Yoo Jonghyuk had consulted with an incarnation of the constellation ‘Discoverer of the Subconscious’ on the ‘regression depression.’ At the time, he seemed to be speaking like I was now.

I continued speaking, “Yes. It might be as you say. If you repeat it 10 or 20 times then it will surely get better. You’ll be exposed to more scenarios and see more of the future. The real problem is when you someday save the world in this manner.”

“What does this mean?”

“At that time, do you really think you saved this world?”

“…”

“Do you think you will be able to keep the same mindset after repeating it 100 or 200 times?”

“I won’t regress that many times.”

I silently stared at Yoo Jonghyuk.

「 …Don’t tell me? 」 Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes slowly widened.

I kept speaking, “Are you having nightmares these days?”

“…”

“You won’t be saved, even if you save the world. The moment you save the world, the worlds you have forsaken will come to you. Despite saving one world, all the other worlds you abandoned will drag you to hell.”

- from further down in ch141

「 Yoo Jonghyuk felt lonely as he saw these watches. They got their time back but he still wasn’t

living in this time. Yoo Jonghyuk suddenly thought. If so, where do I live in those countless hours? 」

It was the monologue of Yoo Jonghyuk, who once saved the Demon World. It was also one of my favourite scenes from Ways of Survival.

I suddenly seemed to understand a bit of his mind. To the regressor Yoo Jonghyuk, the time in these worlds didn’t belong to him. In a life that could go back over and over again, the present time was meaningless.

Once this was over, I would ask Aileen to make me a watch. If he had something like this, he might become more attached to this world. Maybe the regression depression would get better…

- ch 207

A person who regressed more than a thousand times. A spirit that had become insensitive from the hundreds of suicides and tragedies that an individual could suffer. The extremely widespread regression depression…

「 Yoo Jonghyuk of the 1863rd round is the despair of the world itself. 」

- ch 285

Abnormal condition? There was no way. Who was the 1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk? This was Yoo Jonghyuk who was the Ruler of the East Hell and killed the Devil of Principles. There was no one among the constellations who could place an abnormal condition on the present Yoo Jonghyuk.

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes were blank.

I felt uncomfortable like something was stuck in my throat. No, there was. There was only one person who could cause an abnormal status in Yoo Jonghyuk.

+

* The target is suffering from ‘regression depression’ due to an unknown cause.

+

It was Yoo Jonghyuk himself.

Regression depression. The spirit of the man who had been broken over 1863 lives made the regression depression almost a passive, low level skill. Once he fell into the depression, his consciousness was caught in the weight of his memories and he couldn’t wake up.

[Kill him! He isn’t invincible!]

The ruthless strikes caused Yoo Jonghyuk’s body to bleed little by little. It was strange. Originally, the regression depression shouldn’t occur in this situation. In the 1863rd round, Yoo Jonghyuk had learnt how to manage this disease.

- ch 286

then this REALLY LONG BIT from 287. it has stopped letting me indent for some reason so i guess ill bold this.

I knew how to wake up Yoo Jonghyuk from his regression depression. In other words, it meant I also knew how to sink him deeper into that melancholy.

I saw Yoo Jonghyuk’s fingertips moving and opened my mouth. “Do you remember? The 33rd round. You cleared the 40th scenario and Lee Jihye said this.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s eyes dimmed and his moving fingertips stopped.

「 “It would be nice if Master didn’t have to go to the next round.” 」

“Think about it. You weren’t always unhappy. Right? In all the rounds, there were moments when you were happy.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression was becoming stiffer.

“The 173rd round. You protected Earth for quite some time. You also saw Lee Jihye receiving her high school diploma and Lee Seolhwa smiling at someone’s child.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, are you happy that you’re alive?” 」

Every time I spoke, Yoo Jonghyuk’s expression collapsed. It wasn’t despair that broke down Yoo Jonghyuk.

“The 383rd round. You finally cleared the 75th scenario. Fortunately, nobody died in that round. That was the first time. Then Lee Hyunsung told you.”

「 “Jonghyuk-ssi, I won’t forget today until I die.” 」

The feather-like memories sank into his head.

“Then the 498th round…”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s palms moved to cover his ears. The usual Yoo Jonghyuk wouldn’t have fallen from this much. Now it was different. I held his hands and kept talking. “That happened 10 times.”

A human sank deeper into the water just because of the weight of these feathers.

“Twenty times.”

My breath clogged up and my lungs tightened. I could feel what Yoo Jonghyuk was going through. Only I could feel it. The most primitive darkness at the bottom of one person was swallowing his ego greedily.

“100 times. It repeated over 1,000 times.”

All those words were destroyed. All the happy memories flowed back to a time they could never return to. Through the countless regressions, the meaning of happiness faded. All the values he preserved became pieces of torn paper.

“Yoo Jonghyuk.”

Yoo Jonghyuk’s self was sinking into the deep sea. It was to a place that he could never come up from without someone’s help.

“Have you protected all the things you wanted to keep?”

I looked at Yoo Jonghyuk’s miserable face and thought: Don’t worry Yoo Jonghyuk. I’ll do the rest. You stop and rest.

[Your understanding of the character ‘Yoo Jonghyuk’ is increasing explosively.]

Yoo Jonghyuk’s empty eyes were showing memories of losing his master. I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint but it wasn’t hard to read.

「 I want to die. 」

「 I want to finish all of this. 」

「 If only I can never wake up. 」

A few drops of rain fell from the sky. It was black rain made from the blood of the demon kings and constellations. Liquid also flowed onto Yoo Jonghyuk’s face. Yoo Jonghyuk’s gaze lowered and finally fell on me.

I was looking at the moment a human’s spirit collapsed. There was a broken voice. Like a creaking machine, Yoo Jonghyuk stammered, “Wh,at… should, I, d…o?”

i think this one is obviously very important.

then, the 'have you protected all you wanted to protect' stuff obviously reaches its culmination in the finale

⸢The regression depression.⸥

That was the only weakness of Yu Jung-Hyeok, who had repeatedly regressed for a very long time.

[In the 173rd turn. You managed to protect Earth for a pretty long time. You got to see Yi Ji-Hye receive her high school diploma, and you even got to see Yi Seol-Hwa smile with another’s child in her arms.]

The light in Yu Jung-Hyeok’s eyes was wavering.

⸢It wasn’t despair that could defeat Yu Jung-Hyeok.⸥

⸢Small feather-like memories settled down inside his head one by one.⸥

The ‘Dokkaebi King’ was using the exact same method I relied on back then.

⸢The breathing got harder, and the lungs were getting tighter.⸥

⸢A man drowning in water would sink even deeper under the surface from the weight of a mere feather.⸥

I couldn’t afford to idly watch on anymore. I shouted at Yu Jung-Hyeok, telling him to wake up, and not to fall for such an illusion.

However, my voice couldn’t reach them as if a non-conductive barrier was set up between us. And the ‘Dokkaebi King’ was smiling away, perhaps to mock this entire story.

[Yu Jung-Hyeok, have you protected all that you wanted to protect?]

Slowly, Yu Jung-Hyeok’s knees sank down.

I roused the Status of Fables. I needed to undo that ⸢Stage Transformation⸥ right now, But, how should I…

Grab.

There was a hand still tightly clutching mine. It was Han Su-Yeong.

“That’s not a battle you can interfere in.”

“But, if he’s left alone….!”

“….Even a star that can’t be seen still emits light. You said that, right?”

….A star that can’t be seen?

Her words made me look back at Yu Jung-Hyeok once more.

His gaze being lowered had come to a stop. Blinding sparks were completely enveloping him.

Tsu-chuchuchuchu….

Something was waking up his fading consciousness.

[Great Fable, ‘Ones that Remember the Apocalypse’, has begun its storytelling!]

That was a Fable I wasn’t aware of.

As the sparks lessened gradually, several silhouettes revealed themselves. Now that I took a closer look, Yu Jung-Hyeok wasn’t alone. No, four others were standing beside him.

A tall man, a young man with blonde hair, a girl with a ponytail, and finally…

[[He couldn’t protect anyone. That’s why he now stands in this place.]]

….An Archangel with blindingly-pure wings.

Astonishment quickly dyed the Dokkaebi King’s expression.

The Fable from the destroyed 999th turn was now burning brightly like the conflagration of end times on the edges of the Archangel’s blade.

[[Because he believes there are still things left to protect.]]

- from ch 508

Now here's a couple of tidbits about depression when it comes up for Other entities:

The fastest thing to get shaved away after becoming a Constellation was their own ‘Fable’. The more a Constellation depleted its story, the weaker its power would get. They would grow bored, disinterested, fall into depression, or lose themselves in tedium.

Constellations would desperately seek out other Fables in order to escape from such a quagmire. In other words, they would search for a new tragedy to escape from this horrible eternal cycle, even if it was only for a brief moment.

- ch 498

⸢[Constellation, ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’s’ ■■ is ‘Something that can’t be found’.]⸥

I had read what his ■■ was from the original novel. His description showed up when he became Yu Jung-Hyeok’s ally for a little while during the 1863rd turn.

⸢The evil dragon suffering from the worst possible depression in this <Star Stream>.⸥

The reason why the ‘Abyssal Black Flame Dragon’ believed his age to be 15 was simply that he’d not be able to continue on if he didn’t.

A life stretching for thousands, no, tens of thousands of years, made an originally solitary dragon into such a creature.

In order to stop itself from decaying, he chose not to age. He chose not to lose his curiosity of the world. He chose to torment Incarnations or play bizarre pranks. And for his final prank, he even chose to betray the ‘Absolute Evil’, too. He stood on Yu Jung-Hyeok’s side and while mocking the <Star Stream>, breathed his last.

- ch 503

okay so

i think there are a couple of different ways to look at the regression depression in line with each of orv's 'themes'. of course despair at losing his comrades is the main primary emotion here, but there's subtler stuff going on here too.

for starters, the foundational components of any creature within the star stream is its stories. the more your stories are known and shared the more powerful they are, etc, etc. time and time again their shared stories are the thing to save them and ground them. but as we see with the hellscape of eternity, yjh begins to become isolated from the interpersonal aspect of the story as he loses the people he originally formed these stories with. the stories are how people communicate. as YJH progresses through his regressions he is unable to relate to the 'story' in the way you are supposed to, and this essentially causes a complete ego death. life no longer has any meaning for him, because he is fundamentally incapable of connecting with people. the [impossible communication] of a life and a burden that can't be shared.

then there's the [samsara] aspect - being worn down by the endless repetition of fate. everything is the same, over and over again, and yet we still delve into it hoping to get something new out of it. maybe the story will be different this time. ABFD was able to stave off depression by keeping himself in a state of permanent novelty - there was still something left to discover - but as YJH progresses through the regressions and falls deeper and deeper into repeating the same pattern, the tedium becomes too much. he has nothing new to experience. he has repeated everything this reality has to offer - or so he thinks - and it shows no sign of ever changing. if it's the same every time, why stick around? why not go again? it doesn't matter. none of it matters. you are just part of the wheel.

and if we think of it in terms of [good and evil] we see yjh slowly become something that almost any human being would call a monster. as kdj says in that conversation with anna croft near the end, "can you really call someone a human if you have to look so hard to find their humanity?" as far as it goes. yjh commits some atrocities! Because of said aforementioned removal from reality and ego death, he is able to fully justify any action it takes no matter how horrendous. and yet his noble goal never changes. undeniably, what he is by the end is some sort of monster. but still, of course, just a man. and he knows this. he feels himself slipping a little bit more, every regression. he knows its coming. and he doesn't want it. he wants to maintain his humanity.

but really i think we can almost best think of yjh's regression depression as almost his equivalent to the [fourth wall]. whereas the 4th wall is a unique passive skill that protects kim dokja by preventing him from fully conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality', the regression depression harms yjh by preventing him from conceptualizing what's happening to him as 'reality'. in a sense, his friends and loved ones have almost become 'characters' to him as well, as he already knows the way this story happens. he is an outsider, observing these beings interact with each other but not quite the same as them. he is an anachronism. this isn't his present. this is a present, one he can take or leave at any time. the thing yjh does in his later regressions - using people as tools - is something kdj does in the beginning of his journey. because, well, it doesnt matter if this isn't the 'real world'! they mirror each other.

that ended up being so much longer than i thought it would im sorry. i hope this was even like 10% helpful.

#orv #orv spoilers #yjh

[acatinabox]

Is Mystra a jerk?

One of my latest posts has had a bit of attention. The point someone made was that a cleric of Mystra should know how fickle she is so she shouldn’t have a special reaction to it during Gale’s confession scene, as I claimed in my original post. I wanted to address this matter on a separate post because first, my answer proved to be too long for a comment; second, it led me to some new interesting findings in the lore I wanted to share.

It is true, if we look at the wikis, that Mystra has done some quite morally dubious stuff in the millennia:

She has produced seven daughters without the consent of their father and led to the death of their mother (who was possessed for the whole time).

She has given an avatar of hers to said father to torture as retribution for what she did to her;

She has forsaken one of her chosen one leading him to madness and to creating an evil cult;

Etcetera.

First of all, we should address whether this, in the moral framework of the Forgotten Realms, constitutes evil behaviour.

To which the answer is... eh. As per rule books, she is currently aligned as neutral good, but in the past her old incarnation was lawful neutral, with her being the arbiter of all magic. Most recently, Shar has tried to take over parts of the Weave and hence absorb certain parts of magic in her portfolio (with dubious results). In the grand scheme of things, she is generally allied with good deities, such as Selune, and the public’s perception of Mystra is that of her being a munificent mother who has gifted humanity with magic, sometimes at the cost of self sacrifice.

This leads us to the question: should her actions be held to the same standards as player characters and NPCs in terms of alignment shifts? Well that is a bit of a complex question. What we know of Mystra is that she can predict the future and will manipulate events to a certain extent in order to fulfill what is best for the progress of arcane arts. My opinion is that she is more of a guardian of good as “the bigger picture”, even if it comes at a cost in terms of hurting some individuals.

There is also the matter of determining what “good” is, in more absolute terms. Because lawful good paladins and chaotic good rebels could be pushed to do some pretty extreme stuff to protect their ideals or to further their cause or when faced with complex moral dilemmas such as: is killing a red dragon cub an evil act in itself, when adult red dragons generally become evil and destructive?

But is Mystra capricious? Well, it is really hard to tell, since she is a deity that can see the future, but so far all her actions have been motivated by the protection of the greater good and in general fighting evil deities like the Dead Three and Shar.

How her follower see her less morally pristine actions? This is one of the crucial points I’d like to address. All the actions that I mentioned, including producing the Seven Sisters at the expense of their mortal mother, are not really well known. The handbooks make it a point to tell the player that this is not common knowledge. The handbook that addresses the dragon cult founded by Sammaster clearly states that it is DM only knowledge and that unless there is a good reason to, players won’t know about it. Even the Seven Sisters do not seem to know precisely the tale of their origin (I read multiple sources on this and it appears they don’t even know the identity of their father, whom some of them meet).

It is safe then to assume that Gale, or also a devout player character, would not know of this less than bright side of her. They would not expect it.

And if you consider that the more publicly known lovers she had (Azuth, for instance, but also possibly Elminster, although we don’t know how much of his adventures is common knowledge) are legendary wizards (gods), then you can clearly understand that for the goddess to sleep with a mortal is not a common occurrence, and it will certainly lead to a strong reaction.

Moreover, after the last all out god war brought a ton of destruction to the material plane, Ao (who’s like, daddy god) imposed that deities do not manifest physically in the material plane anymore, if not through clerics. And while Mystra is a bit above these rules and has kept in touch with her daughters, I don’t think this would be common knowledge as well, because her daughters currently are in positions of power, hence not very accessible to a common cleric.

So no, a cleric of Mystra would not have solid ground to think their goddess is capricious or flirty or whatever.

All in all, I think discovering that your new boyfriend has quite literally fucked your goddess that you devoted your life to deserves a little bit of surprise at least, and since most of the other scenes with Gale have at least a special reaction connected to the Cleric of Mystra tag, if not two, I expected for there to be anything, during the confession scene, which wasn’t the case.

In terms of lore the implications of sleeping with your goddess’s estranged lover are pretty severe: you could lose your powers because you could have inadvertently slept with an enemy of her or someone who is forbidden, etc. It is not a trivial matter at all.

That said, I will personally punch Mystra in the face for hurting Gale, and if his version is indeed the whole truth, so will my Rayne.

This is my take on all this. Feel free to tell me what you think, but I have a request: be polite about it. I don’t mind if you disagree, as long as you do it with respect. I’ve read quite a few posts on the Gale tag where people treated others’ opinions as ridiculous, mocked them, or felt their own opinion was the only one acceptable. I honestly think this is damaging to the fandom and to people who are exposed to it. So just don’t do it. Behave like adults. Thanks.

#gale of waterdeep #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #Baldurs Gate Spoilers #baldur's gate lore

[ronnytherandom]

I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

 Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

#the truman show #horizon zero dawn #rimworld #factorio #destiny 2 #d2 #film #movies #video games #i dont know what im doing #hzd #opinion

[atinybitofau]

M I N G I ➟ mafia au

MAFIA HUBBY MINGI 2.0

part one

• “Who’s that?”

• San works for almost anybody.

• that being said, trains Mingi’s men when needed to.

• so when he decides to show up during a car show rehearsal organized by Mingi himself isn’t surprising at all.

• loves to roam around for shits and giggles too.

• but seeing a woman briefing experienced mechanics at their car hoods seemed more than just shits and giggles to even the likes of him.

• Wooyoung wipes at his greasy hands and smiles at the floating hitman. “Mingi’s girl.”

• “Mingi’s girl?” San whips towards him in question.

• “Haven’t you heard about X?”

• “That racer guy that shredded him months ago?” San chuckles at the memory of rumors. “Who hasn’t?”

• “Well THAT racer guy happens to be a girl. And sex on legs over there happens to also be Mingi’s new wife. Her first appearance out of the dark doesn’t just surprise you, you know. Everyone here can’t take her eyes off her.”

• and neither can Mingi apparently,

• now approaching you

• who just like you, stands out from the bustling gang crowd,

• custom leather trench coat and fancy ring on his finger to add to the awe.

• the people in the room gawk as their boss and leader wraps an arm around you,

• shocked more or less that a man of his demeanor could get shieldless like that.

• “Hey, baby.” you keen at the sound of his voice, turning your head to kiss him back on his lips. “Thank you for coming today.”

• you fit under his arm like he promised.

• where you belong at most.

• “You know I don’t mind.” you hand a wrench to one of his men you helped in front of you. “But I can’t say the same about the stares I’ve gotten since I walked in here.”

• Mingi’s peeved when he hears your displeasure.

• only wants the best for you.

• would give you everything you’d dream of.

• just for his queen.

• he turns his head in the space over yours to say something into your ear so only you can hear. “Do you want me to do something about it?”

• “No.” you place your hand against your husband’s chest, the once greed for the limelight gone once his attention was all you craved for. “Mr. Song, you have plenty of things on your to do list to do rather than what I’d like for you. I’ll be fine.”

• he growls, eyes glaring like a dog at the men who stared behind the both of you. “Mrs. Song, you know I’ll do anything to make you the happiest woman alive. If you’d just tell me what that is, perhaps you would be happy.”

• you turn up and lay a kiss against his stubble jaw before reassuring, “I am happy, Mingi. I already am.”

• but he thinks he isn’t enough for you sometimes.

• still hates himself for relying on an ally— Seonghwa to watch over you while you finish your studies.

• to his discontent always.

• trying to convince you that you could stop studying all together.

• but you aren’t greedy anymore.

• you have what you need.

• him.

• what fame, fortune, and class could never buy.

• “Mingi-ya.”

• you two are interrupted by some familiar faces. “Now I think you’ve forgotten to enlighten me with your current affairs. Who’s this little gem you’ve managed to snag for yourself here?”

• Mingi protectively towers you,

• body close to consuming yours as the men smile in your direction.

• “Choi San.” your husband forces an airy chuckle. “What a pleasant surprise.”

• “Not as pleasant as yours I see. And what’s your name, gorgeous?”

• you look up at Mingi.

• knowing better than to play with his temper.

• especially in the eyes of other men.

• “Go on, baby.” he whispers lightly by your ear. “Introduce yourself.”

• “Y/n.”

• the cunning man keens. “Ah. The scientist from south side. Seonghwa has spoken of you as well I think. Though Mingi’s affairs were never boastful enough to strike an interest, those rings tell another story.”

• “Ha ha. Enough patronizing, San.” Mingi rolls his eyes at his playful friend. “This is my wife you’re speaking about me to.”

• “It’s nice to know Mingi’s settled down.” San admits genuinely. “If you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to ask us.”

• the one beside him, as you came to as know Wooyoung—

• Mingi’s best driver that you’ve met countless times,

• keens at you too.

• “A race here and there won’t hurt anyone either. We’ll leave you two to it. See you lovebirds later!”

• you feel glad.

• knowing Mingi was surrounded by good people despite his.. situation.

• and how yours had turned for the better upon falling in love with him yourself.

• you can’t imagine what your life would be without this man.

• and his eyes tell you the same.

• “I’m sorry for them..” Mingi walks you away and towards nothing in particular. “They’ve known me for so long and like to embarrass me here and there.”

• you giggle at the flustered state you only manage to get him in, shocked others were able to as well.

• “Your friends are kind.” you kiss him again, never being able to reach his lips if he weren’t offering them to you. “And I’m grateful for you and them. Even if they like to tease you.”

• he brings your face in his large hands and kisses you tenderly.

• “I promised you the throne and you always show less of a role than me. You used to want it.” he mumbles with a sigh. “Am I not worth as much anymore?”

• Mingi was everything he needed to be.

• ruthless, sinful, and fatal.

• but in the times he’s reminded that you were his everything?

• he’s everything he wants to be.

• “I’ll stand beside you as your woman, my love.” you revel in his attention, only liking the lime light when it reminds everyone of who he belongs to. “But your role can never be shared. Not a competition to me.”

• he sighs in relief against you.

• peppering you in endless kisses.

• reminding you too of who you belong to.

• “You won my heart, y/n. What more of a race than that?”

• he leaves again.

• because he has to do his own bidding as the mafia king.

• but you’re just a college student that won his competitions as a masked street racer.

• now you’re back to reality— college. waiting till the clock strikes so you’d be back in his arms again.

• you miss the attention you get from your husband dearly.

• hoping for too much after a not-so exciting fight from the both of you a couple days prior.

• his extravagant entails to keep you safe sometimes getting the better of him.

• but you’re surprised when you see San and Seonghwa standing by the rails of the stairs,

• looking disheveled than ever.

• “As much as I love you guys picking me up from school in place of Mingi, I’d much more love to see my husband trying to make up for his own fights.” you glare into their worry. “.. Is he alright?”

• “Try not to make a scene..”

• “As long as he’s not dead, sure.”

• Seonghwa glances to his satan clone, “I wouldn’t say dead..”

• you take the wheel after Seonghwa informs you,

• that your husband recklessly put himself in a line of fire,

• distracted at most by his roaming thoughts.

• how his head hadn’t been screwed on straight for the past nights after your fight.

• you’re racing against everything,

• a long time since you’ve been behind the wheel like this.

• the two in the back in awe by your abilities.

• but you’re more stern on seeing your god forsaken husband.

• not willing to spare him even if things aren’t good between the both of you.

• “Baby?”

• you sigh in relief when you see Mingi staring out the bedroom windows eyebrows furrowed,

• face tethered and bandaged and wounds fresh still.

• he doesn’t answer you when you walk over to meet his glare, sitting beside him on the edge of your shared bed.

• “Baby, look at me.”

• “I don’t see why you’re here.” he coldly snaps his hand away from you, showing his true colors in light of his situation. “Only pitying me when I’m sick.”

• you roll your eyes. “Don’t act like a child, Mingi.”

• his jaw clenches as you scold him for his attitude. “I don’t know what Seonghwa told you but this has nothing to do with you.”

• “Sure.” you lean your hand on his bed, eyebrow cocked up. “Because you always put yourself in a fire fight after I tell you never to.”

• he growls at you. “You do things I tell you not to too! Don’t spin this on me.”

• “Mingi, you sound ridiculous.” you sigh sitting yourself in between his legs, hands upon his jaw. “Stop being so temperamental. I only asked you to lay off the eyes while I attend Hyemi’s bachelorette party next weekend and you’re going out on a whim trying to make a point.”

• yes.

• that’s how trivial the issue was.

• “And I told you already that you going to that bachelorette party is my eyes or nothing at all. What more now that every single enemy I have knows what you look like? Not to mention the disgusting men that’d be present trying to yearn at the likes of you.”

• “You’re worrying for nothing, Mingi. I can take care of myself.”

• “Out of the question.” he snarls at you. “With me as your husband, you don’t need to take care of yourself. That’s my job.”

• you roll your eyes and chuckle. “Fine. If it means keeping you from doing stupid irrational things, you may do as you please.”

• of course it bothers you.

• how possessive your husband gets.

• but he is your husband.

• you also can’t blame him.

• “And in return, don’t ever go into dumb firefights with your men if you aren’t needed. You know better.”

• you ground him as his hands longingly reaches for you, forehead against yours. “I’m sorry..”

• Seonghwa and San watches from the doorway,

• how the younger melts in your hands.

• how well you’d actually be taking the throne beside Mingi—

• maybe doing his job better than he could.

• but Mingi’s boss for a reason.

• and your his for one too.

• “I love you.” you mumble against him. “Just to remind you, you won my heart ages ago. And not a single thing would make me lose to you. Not one.”

@atinybitofau

#mingi #song mingi #ateez mingi #ateez preferences #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez imagines #ateez x reader #ateez au #ateez mafia au #mingi mafia au #mafia au #mingi scenarios #mingi reactions #mingi imagines #mingi oneshot #ateez oneshot

[neuxue]

Wheel of Time liveblogging: Towers of Midnight ch 3

I have been waiting for this reunion for literal years. It did not disappoint.

Chapter 3: The Amyrlin’s Anger

Oh, we’re doing this!?

One thing I can guarantee: I am definitely not ready. Childhood friends turned childhood sweethearts turned near-siblings turned uneasy allies turned near-enemies, perhaps turned uneasy allies once more, with prophecy and opposing institutions and the apocalypse hanging over them?

I’m just. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a lot of thoughts about this whole dynamic, and I have been waiting for this… probably since they last saw each other in Lord of Chaos. Before that, even. Since they were set on their separate paths, but with this thread, strained and near at times to breaking but a thread all the same, of some kind of love between them that might, in the end, be enough to do what their predecessors could not, and face the end together.

Also their stories have been running in this fascinating not-quite-parallel for so long but they haven’t interacted in so long that I’m just! Very excited for this reunion and the pain it will no doubt bring!

I should start reading now, shouldn’t I?

Egwene floated in blackness. She was without form, lacking shape or body. The thoughts, imaginings, worries, hopes, and ideas of all the world extended into eternity around her.

The imagery of that last bit catches my attention here because it plays very close to the position Rand holds: stood at the centre, a force, or a being more than a person, touching all the world or – in Egwene’s case – all the world’s dreams. It’s just an interesting one, in amongst all the other parallels and inversions between them.

Though her feelings for Gawyn were still strong, her opinion of him was muddled recently.

Just break up with him already. Please. You’ve already once decided that actually no, I don’t want a storybook romance with the designated hero thank you very much; you can do it again.

The dreams of all the people here – some from her world, some from shadows of it – reminded her why she fought. She must never forget that there was an entire world outside the White Tower’s walls.

This is her anchor, just as Rand has now at last found his. Or, not even an anchor so much as a reason. Something to fight for, something to remember and strive for beyond the fight itself. And again this places her very much at the centre as well, looking at all the people, all the dreams, the entire world. They just each have their own ways of going about it, and their own reasons for doing so.

Time passed as she lay bathed in the light of dreams.

Just quoting this one because it’s pretty.

It’s sad to see Egwene thinking of the Wise Ones in terms of ‘dealing with’ them, but also not really surprising; there’s been a distance between them ever since she took on this role. They hid the events of Dumai’s Wells from her and she chose the Aes Sedai over them and it is, perhaps, one of the harsher aspects of the way she absolutely embraces her role, the good and the bad.

Ugh, fine, dream of Gawyn if you must.

A more simple life. It could not be hers, but she could dream…

Everything shook.

Or not. I’m just imagining this as the Pattern itself interrupting like ‘EGWENE, PLEASE. YOU CAN DO SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM.’

(Yes, the Pattern speaks in all caps. No I will not be accepting constructive criticism on this point).

This pleasant dream interrupted by an emergency broadcast: thirteen black towers rising and then all but six falling. In case you weren’t keeping track of how many Forsaken were still alive, I suppose.

And then a follow-up as a reminder, I assume, that Mesaana is still in the Tower.

Unless the eagles-and-snake bit is referring to the Black Tower? Still no idea what’s going on there these days; it’s been a while and I’m very, very curious after that ominous line drop in the KoD epilogue.

She saw an enormous sphere made of the finest crystal. It sparkled in the light of twenty-three enormous stars, shining down on it where it sat on a dark hilltop. There were cracks in it, and it was being held together by ropes.

There was Rand, walking up the hillside, holding a woodsman’s axe. He reached the top and hefted the axe, then swung at the ropes one at a time, chopping them free. The last one parted, and the sphere began to break apart, the beautiful white globe falling in pieces. Rand shook his head.

Innnnnnnnnteresting.

The sphere (and its breaking) sounds – first of all a lot like the Sharom because what, you thought I’d pass up a Rhuidean reference? – like the Dark One’s prison, perhaps. With Rand cutting the ropes like breaking the seals.

Or maybe the Choedan Kal, with all the brilliant light of that enormous power, that he has now broken. Or the world itself, I suppose. I’m going with the Dark One’s prison here, probably.

But what are the twenty-three stars?

Thirteens are common, you can’t swing a cat in this series without hitting a duality, threes and sevens crop up on occasion… but what the hell numbers twenty-three? Except for the graves Bashere once had to dig for oak trees on the orders of the mad general he served, but while there may be no such thing as coincidence, that’s a bridge too far even for me.

Nations? Okay now I’m just curious if I can name them all, so… in the wetlands we have: Altara, Amadicia, Andor, Arafel, Cairhien, Far Madding, Ghealdan, Illian, Kandor, Mayene, Murandy, Saldaea, Shienar, Tar Valon, Tear. Then the Aiel, or: Chareen, Codarra, Daryne, Goshien, Jenn (?), Miagoma, Nakai, Reyn, Shaarad, Shaido (?), Shiande, Taardad, Tomanelle. Then Seanchan and Shara on the edges, the Atha’an Miere and the Tuatha’an, and the dead nations of Malkier, Manetheren, and the Amayar. The Ogier. The even-more-dead nations like Almoth and Eharon and whatnot. But even playing with the obvious ones like how to count the Aiel, or the dead nations, or the city-states, there’s not an obvious 23.

The Hall of the Tower maybe? Three Sitters from each Ajah is 21, so with Amyrlin and Keeper we’re at a much cleaner 23, and there is the whole ‘Watcher of the Seals’ element of the Amyrlin’s role, so twenty-three stars watching could make sense.

Or, hell I don’t know, maybe there are 23 verses in the Karaethon Cycle. Meh.

Well, Egwene’s focused on the Mesaana implications (rather than the Messiah implications; I crack myself up sometimes), which seems fair enough.

“He’s here, Mother. At the White Tower.”

“Who?”

“The Dragon Reborn. He’s asking to see you.”

HERE! WE! GO!

Because you know what this means? It means, once again, that we’re going to get outsider POV of Rand, after a crucial turning point in his character.

Twice. Because first, we got it via Almen Bunt, effectively a random character. We got to see a ‘first glimpse’ of Rand, as it were. But now we get to see through the eyes of one who knows him – or rather, one who knew him. One like him in some ways and so very different in others. An opposing role who once was a friend. There’s just so many potential layers there, through which to observe, and I am inordinately excited for this.

*

Though okay right as I say that we shift POV to Siuan, so I may be pre-empting this.

That said, it’s either going to be some form of outsider POV or it’s going to be Rand’s POV and either way I’m going to be on the damn floor so it’s a win-win situation here.

The Dragon Reborn? Inside Tar Valon?

I mean technically that was the goal all the way back in EotW, so you could argue that he just took a really, really long detour. Across the entire continent, a past life, and near-destruction of the world, but… details.

“He was at the Sunset Gate”

How appropriate. Is there perhaps a Wind Tower for him to climb?

“What is his game, do you think?” Saerin asked.

“Burn me if I know,” Siuan replied. “He’s bound to be mostly insane by now. Maybe he’s frightened, and has come to turn himself in.”

“I doubt that.”

“As do I.”

Harsh, Siuan. But not entirely unfounded – at least on the mostly insane part. He’s not, but first of all how would she know that and second of all, if this were a few days earlier, that would be a much harder one to argue. (For the record, my own interpretation of Rand’s sanity or lack thereof before Dragonmount is a strong vote in favour if It’s Complicated).

Of, course, then there’s the whole issue of ‘how long can you stay sane when the entire world is waiting for you to go mad’ but that is, perhaps, a moot point now.

“Maybe he heard that Elaida was gone,” Siuan said, “and thought that he would be safe here, with an old friend on the Amyrlin Seat.”

Oh no this already hurts. Honestly I think any reference to Rand and Egwene as old friends is probably going to, at this point, but also the way Siuan goes to this idea of Rand needing a place of safety. A refuge. Because in so many ways, for a very long time, she wouldn’t even have been wrong. It’s just that it wasn’t an option and there was no such place and the Dragon Reborn couldn’t afford that kind of weakness, and anyway he was never looking for safety for himself; it was keeping others safe from him that he wanted, back when he was just a shepherd boy holding himself together with determination and fragments of Warder instruction against power(s) trying to claim him from within and without.

But Siuan is remembering that boy, and I’m also remembering Rand in the early days at the Stone of Tear, trying so earnestly to let Elayne and Egwene help him with saidin, and how that, from a certain perspective, is not really so different from trying to find some safety in friends.

“Reports call him mistrustful and erratic, with a demanding temper and an insistence on avoiding Aes Sedai.”

I mean, up until – what, a day ago at most? That would be not at all inaccurate. Especially from the outside.

Really I think this whole scene with Siuan and Saerin is largely to remind us of how Rand comes across to the rest of the world. Because the thing about that Dragonmount epiphany – a crucial part of it, but one that is likely going to also result in some complications – is that it was unwitnessed. Just Rand, alone, thinking. And if the cleansing of saidin was difficult to believe by those not directly involved (and even by some of those who were), how much harder will this be, in its own way?

And just to set the scene even more ominously as far as anyone but the reader is concerned, the floor tiles are now the colour (and sheen, and probably texture, and very possibly actual chemical composition) of blood.

It is interesting to contrast the feeling of approaching this meeting to how it felt in the buildup to Rand’s meeting with Tuon last book. That was just full to the brim of impending doom, of ‘there is no possible way under the sun that this will end well’, of ‘oh no, how disastrously is this going to go?’ because at that point Rand was in freefall and the only certainty was disaster. Now, there’s a sense of lightness in approaching this meeting. I mean, I’m still quite sure it’ll hurt me, but the actual tension is different. It feels like waiting for catharsis, almost, rather than waiting for catastrophe.

So hey, maybe we just look at that meeting with Tuon as a practice run for Rand in terms of how to negotiate treaties with a woman who controls a decent part of a continent. If nothing else, it set the bar about as low as it could possibly be, so this can only be an improvement!

Siuan had harboured a small hope that she herself would be chosen [as Keeper]. Now Egwene had so many demands on her time – and was becoming so capable on her own – that she was relying on Siuan less and less.

That was a good thing. But it was also infuriating.

Oh, Siuan. Siuan’s thoughts about her position in the Tower and how it has changed are always a little sad to read. She’s so strong that it’s easy, almost, to forget just how much she’s gone through – and she can’t even just put it behind her and move on because she’s surrounded, every single day, by constant reminders of all she has lost and all that has changed. And even so, we only get these occasional moments of sadness or bitterness or frustration from her. The rest of the time she just… keeps going.

She wanted to do what she’d set out to do, all those years before with Moiraine.

It really is kind of incredible dedication to a cause. Even if ‘shepherding’ the Dragon Reborn is perhaps not really what is needed, she has paved so much of the way, and even from the sidelines has been instrumental, and this has been more or less her entire adult life. A thankless and often punishing task, one that has gone and will likely continue to go largely unacknowledged, one that has brought her hatred and suspicion and pain, and yet she does not question it, does not falter.

It's… I guess in a way it comes back to the whole idea of those who choose vs those who are chosen, but I like the way we see these characters who aren’t the Chosen One but who still give everything they are, and everything they have, to this world and this cause. Some because they must and some because they choose to and some for reasons in between but it’s again this sense that while Rand stands at the centre of it, there are all these other stories and sacrifices and triumphs and tragedies spiralling out from that centre, all weaving together into this pattern. Or Pattern, as it were.

Also, I would like to strongly second the ‘with Moiraine’ part of that sentence. Can we have her back yet please? I’ve been good, I promise!

Bryne’s here too, which means I also get to reminisce about the first (and last) time he met Rand, even before Siuan did, but another scene of Rand as little more than a shepherd, uncertain and afraid and getting by on determination alone and yet, as with his meeting with Siuan, still surprising those around him by being just a little more than expected.

(As for Rand’s first meeting with Egwene, we have no textual evidence but given their ages it probably involved eating mud).

“You came faster than I’d assumed you’d be able to,” she said.

That is, quite literally, what she said. I’m sorry, I’m twelve.

“She’s what we need now,” Bryne said, “but you’re what we needed then. You did well, Siuan.”

YOU DID WELL

I’m sorry, Moiraine’s letter to Rand really just loaded all variants of that phrase quite heavily and it’s not Moiraine saying it to Siuan but it may as well be, and to have anyone looking at all she has done and all she has been through, looking at someone most Aes Sedai now dismiss as inconsequential at best and to blame for their problems at worst, and actually seeing everything she’s achieved and everything she’s sacrificed and to just acknowledge it outright is… such a small phrase but it means so much. Because how many others would say that? How many others could? So few even know what she’s done and why and for how long. Egwene, maybe, but Egwene is still in some ways her protégé and so not really in a position to give that kind of praise. Moiraine, but she’s still… on holiday. And that’s really kind of it.

There’s a reason these kinds of tasks are called thankless.

“He’s standing below, watched over by at least a hundred Warders and twenty-six sisters – two full circles. Undoubtedly he’s shielded”

My first thought was ‘good thing this is Rand after Dragonmount otherwise I don’t think there’d be a Tower right now’, but then, Rand before Dragonmount would probably quite literally not have been caught dead within balefire distance of the White Tower.

Whereas now… what a stark difference this highlights in his entire mindset and character. Once, the possibility of thirteen Aes Sedai sent him away from a city he was holding, tense and desperate and furious. Once, being shielded was – well, I believe the direct quote was ‘Lews Therin fled screaming’. Once, Aes Sedai so much as touching the One Power in his presence without his permission was like dancing on a minefield.

Now… he stands calmly, shielded and within the Tower itself, the stronghold of the Aes Sedai, of his own free will (and that’s it, isn’t it; that’s what truly makes all the difference in so many ways).

Also a bit of a random comparison but I can’t help but be reminded of Taim walking into Caemlyn to claim Rand’s amnesty, guarded and distrusted and hated by pretty much everyone around him and yet appearing, himself, all but unaffected by it.

“Well, what did he look like, then?”

“Honestly, Siuan? He looked like an Aes Sedai.”

Well. Lews Therin was. In an even older sense of the title.

And if we’re looking at the title itself, and its meaning… servant of all is sort of in the job description of a messiah figure, in a way.

I like how we’re reminded that, because of her Talent for seeing ta’veren, Rand literally glows to Siuan’s eyes. Which means the Dragon Reborn, the chosen one, the saviour, having now fully embraced his role, is walking into the Tower literally haloed in light. There’s just a tiny bit of religious symbolism here, is what I’m getting at.

I also – for all that I’m still hoping for a glimpse of Rand through Egwene’s eyes – am very very happy with the choice to show this through Siuan’s POV. Because in so many ways it is a reflection of that scene in TGH where he is summoned to the Amyrlin, and she gets her first look at the boy who will be the Dragon but does not yet know it, and tells him what his role will be, and he surprises her in his stubbornness and strength but still does not truly accept what she says.

Now, we get the Dragon Reborn calling for an audience with the Amyrlin, having finally and truly embraced the full reality of that role. The first was, in a way, to set his path. This, then, feels almost like closing it. And in between those bookends was that long, fraught journey towards acceptance.

Me? Obsessed with symmetry and reflection in a narrative? Never.

She froze as he met her eyes. There was something indefinable about them, a weight, an age. As though the man behind them was seeing through the light of a thousand lives compounded into one. His face did look like that of an Aes Sedai. Those eyes, at least, had agelessness.

This is one of the things I just absolutely love about outsider POV: the way it allows you to almost re-experience the full weight of what you already know. To be able to almost… soft-reset, and then open your eyes and have the impact of it all over again. None of this is news, really, to a reader who has seen Rand atop Dragonmount, or even in the first chapter of this book. But we get it again anyway, because for one thing it’s fun and for another it just serves to highlight what he looks like to one who does not have the privilege of being in his head (not that that’s… a particularly exclusive list these days, but that’s beside the point).

And it’s also interesting how this doesn’t humanise Rand in the perception of others – he’s still very much in the position of being seen more as a force of nature than a person – but the tone and the effect are so very different to before, for instance when he was lost or in pain or just desperate (or all of the above) and yet perceived as arrogant, inhuman, even monstrous. There’s still this sense of… not being seen as just a person, being seen more in the heroic lines and angles of power and weight of legend, but the difference, I think, is that Rand himself accepts it now. It is now a part of who he is, and a part of him he accepts, and embraces, and steps willingly into.

It also gives him some rather extraordinary weight of personality so making his way through a crowd of Warders is a piece of cake. See, sometimes being the chosen one has its benefits.

“And Siuan Sanche. You’ve changed since we last met.”

Oh. Okay yeah the fact that we get him saying this to her, rather than the other way around, is a really, really excellent way of just subtly shifting the entire balance of power – not even quite power; something else I can’t think of a good word for – of the scene.

It's the way it takes the way this scene is so neatly set up to be a bookend of that first meeting between them, and just… flips the obvious line on its axis. It’s still there, we’re still on script, but it’s ever so slightly not what you expect, and that difference itself becomes the point. Because Rand is no longer the object of the scene; he is very much its subject. The assignment of agency and proactivity has shifted (he has chosen, now, rather than been chosen; a semantic shift that makes perhaps literally all the difference in the world), and this is just a really cool way to play with that.

If that made any sense.

“You once took an arrow for me. Did I thank you for that?”

This… this gentleness is absolutely killing me and we’re only a few lines into his actual appearance in this chapter. The way it’s no longer forced, or agonised, or desperate, or serving only as a sharp contrast to either anger or apathy to remind you of who he once was. Instead it’s just… there. Without brittleness or the aching sense of something lost. There’s just a weird kind of beauty in the simplicity of this, in how it’s just… him, without any of the hundred things waiting to shatter beneath that statement.

Maybe that’s it; the gentleness that doesn’t feel like the precursor to shattering glass. The way this isn’t a veiled threat, or a barb, or a forced admission, or a conversational gambit. Just thanks, remembered honestly and offered freely and that’s… it.

(Moiraine once took a Forsaken for you, Rand. Be sure to thank her for that too).

Anyway, Siuan sings Egwene’s praises as Amyrlin, of course, and apparently everything Rand says or does in this chapter is going to just get me because:

He smiled again. “I should have expected nothing less. Strange, but I feel that seeing her again will hurt, though that is one wound that has well and truly healed. I can still remember the pain of it, I suppose.”

Again it’s just the gentleness that pervades all of this, where once there was turmoil and pain and a rage in him fit to burn the world, or else terrifying coldness and absence and a distant voice screaming. It’s like everything has finally fallen silent and only then do you realise how loud everything was before, and how maddening. Just… Rand being able to smile simply, and feel and express emotions in the normal human range.

And that sense of… wonder, almost, that you get from him at that fact. It’s—there is very much a rebirth kind of feel to a lot of this, because a part of it is that Rand is very, very aware of where he has just come from and where he stands now. That’s the whole point: to get to this, he had to choose it and realise it and open his eyes, I suppose. And so now he’s seeing everything through that new filter (or perhaps without the noise of the old one) and there’s a kind of beautiful simplicity and something like but also entirely unlike innocence to it.

Tiana has a letter for him with a red seal… one of Verin’s, maybe? If so, Rand sure has a track record with Aes Sedai and letters left to him. She did have several, when we saw her with Mat… and I struggle to think of who else would have left one. Cadsuane, maybe?

“Do your best to calm Egwene when I am done,” he said to Siuan. Then he took a deep breath and strode forward

CHILDREN. ALL OF THEM. That, right there, for probably the first time this book, is absolutely 100% a glimpse of Rand al’Thor, Woolheaded Sheepherder, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

Wise, gentle, reconciled to his role, remembering his past life and accepting who he is… and still taking a deep breath and making contingency plans before going to a stubborn-off with his former childhood sweetheart. I’m laughing.

*

OH IT’S EGWENE, WE DO GET TO SEE THIS IN EGWENE’S POV, YES THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED.

This was not Rand al’Thor, friend of her childhood, the man she’d assumed she’d one day marry.

Oh no, just start right out with a gut-punch why don’t you. No, Egwene, he is.

Except… he also isn’t, and that’s the sad part. But if this is to work, I still think that’s going to be the key: that they know—knew—each other as people. Except now Egwene is deliberately telling herself not to do that, and while it’s understandable it’s… that way lies the end of the Second Age.

No. This man was the Dragon Reborn. The most dangerous man ever to draw breath.

This hurts me in exactly the way I was hoping it would.

Just as Rand has finally accepted himself, and in some ways come back to himself (not quite, because you can’t go back you can only go forwards as the Wheel of Time turns, but he’s no longer forcing everything about who he was away), Egwene is forcing herself to see him as anything but that. As just the Dragon Reborn, legend and monster and saviour and destroyer. It’s a perfect mis-alignment of timings.

(Egwene is steeling herself, just as Rand has finally stopped trying to become steel).

“Egwene,” Rand said

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

She’s thinking of him, emphatically, as the Dragon Reborn… but the dialogue tag betrays her. We are in her POV and as soon as he speaks, he is Rand.

And the first word he says is her name. Not ‘Mother’ or ‘Amyrlin’, not the opening of some request or demand. Just… ‘Egwene’.

He is the Dragon Reborn, come to see the Amyrlin—he asked for the Amyrlin—and she is the Amyrlin steeling herself to face the Dragon Reborn and yet in the first moment, when that silence of waiting is broken, they are Rand and Egwene and—

I just. Maybe I’m reading too much into this but it’s perfect and it hurts and I love it.

(Names are important).

He nodded to her, as if in respect. “You have done your part, I see. The Amyrlin’s stole fits you well.”

WHY DOES THIS HURT ME? WHY AM I EXPERIENCING AN EMOTION?

They’ve both just come so far and through so much and they hardly even know one another anymore, and there’s this almost-but-not-quite uncertainty and almost-but-not-quite familiarity, and yet it feels not like the anticipation before an ‘everything goes wrong’ moment but instead the anticipation of… maybe, finally, finding their way back to something? Or forwards, I suppose. It’s like the tentative formality of meeting someone for the first time in years, unsure of them and of yourself and of everything that’s happened in the interim but there’s something weirdly hopeful about it.

Maybe I’m just so used to liveblogging pain that I don’t know what to do with myself when it’s not there, except in echoes and memories and all the space that has grown between them, but this is like… a hand offered across that intervening space.

From what she had heard of Rand recently, she had not anticipated such calm in him.

I mean. That’s… fair.

Well, or she might have been led to anticipate a very different kind of calm. The calm of ice or cuendillar that could in an instant become, you know, balefiring an entire fortress out of existence.

Maybe save your musings on whether or not he’s a criminal for whatever passes as a Geneva Convention in this world, Egwene. We don’t have time to unpack all of that right now.

“What has happened to you?” she found herself asking as she leaned forward on the Amyrlin Seat.

“I was broken,” Rand said, hands behind his back. “And then, remarkably, I was reforged. I think he almost had me, Egwene.”

HELP.

THIS IS JUST.

I… wow. What do I even do with this?

Just as the first word out of his mouth was her name, and her first thought of him was as Rand… now, despite sitting on the Amyrlin Seat—which we are quite literally reminded of here, and I don’t think that’s accidental—her first words are… call it concern, call it curiosity, call it demand, call it accusation even, but that’s not Amyrlin to Dragon Reborn there. That’s not the opening of negotiations or a summons or a meeting. That’s Egwene, looking at Rand. It’s like Nynaeve in TFoH reaching for him almost instinctively and saying ‘at least let me Heal you’.

And then Rand’s response!

‘I was broken’. Such a simple statement for so, so much more. And yet… that’s what it is. It’s the simplicity, again, that gets me. The simplicity and the self-awareness and the way he can look at it now, with that sense of removal, but this time not because he’s walled himself off from the pain; instead, he lets himself feel it but he has accepted its reason and its source and its necessity. He’s no longer fighting against himself, and that lets him bear so much more, because so much of that pain came from that battle against himself, and from the fear of what he might become.

He spent so long trying to forge himself into steel, but in the end that’s not the reforging he needed. And now he knows that, and sees it, and there’s just something about a character who can stand on the far side of their own breaking and their own agony and speak of it calmly, whole.

It's just an entire situation I’m having here.

And that last bit. ‘I think he almost had me’. The memory of ‘it is HIM’. And the fact that Rand can see that too, now; can see how close he came to the Shadow without ever turning from the Light, and understand that nuance.

But also… there is still one very glaring loose end there: Rand has used the True Power. Sure, he doesn’t seem particularly… uh… compromised by that at this point, but I still just cannot imagine that won’t be brought back in some way.

He spoke differently. There was a formality to his words that she didn’t recognise.

And then it’s lines like this that keep this scene from being… to perfect? Not in terms of execution, but in terms of ‘things going well and painlessly for characters’. Because there is still a sadness to this, to Rand and Egwene looking at one another (and naming one another!) and seeing the person behind the role, and looking for the person they knew, and yet also still seeing elements of a stranger.

Because they have changed. Neither of them is at all the child they were when they left Emond’s Field, and there is so much between them now, and that connection they have is worn and thinned and this isn’t a joyful reunion. There’s catharsis here, and a tentative possibility of peace or friendship, but there’s also this recognition, each to each, of how much of what used to be is now gone. They’ve both been hardened and shaped by their experiences and they both know it and recognise it in each other—perhaps in part because they both also very clearly by this point recognise it in themselves.

“Why have you come before the Amyrlin Seat?” she asked.

And now we get the opening of Amyrlin-to-Dragon. But that’s not where we began. We began with Rand and Egwene, and I’ll shut up about it in a minute but this whole play of naming and identity is one of those little things that gets me pretty much every time it turns up in a story.

“I’ve hated you before,” Rand said, turning back to Egwene.

I’M FINE! THIS IS FINE!

Yes I am quoting pretty much every line of dialogue in this scene but LISTEN, IT HURTS ME.

The thing is, this is a statement utterly without malice. It’s not a threat or an insult—not even the childish sort of insult they might have exchanged last time they met. It’s… really, the only word that comes to mind is a confession.

Which plays into one of the features of Rand’s character that stands out so far in the brief moments we’ve seen him in this book: genuine self-knowledge, and self-knowledge that he fully accepts. There is no longer any remnant of denial.

And that allows him to make statements like this and have them come across as, weirdly, almost benevolent. Nothing he has said is said with the intent to deceive, or to wound, or even really to manipulate. It’s just truth—and truth that he himself fully understands and accepts now.

So he’s not fighting against her out of fear of being caught up in Aes Sedai strings, just as he’s not fighting against Lews Therin’s memories out of fear of being caught up in Kinslayer’s fate. Instead of fighting against everything up to and including himself, he’s just… him.

“It occurs to me that I’ve been trying too hard.”

That’s exactly it. He’s been fighting, when in some ways what he needed was to learn how (and where, and when) to surrender. Though even ‘surrender’ connotes a struggle or a conflict, and I think a lot of this realisation is that it’s not about fighting or forcing or struggling; it’s about accepting, and guiding, and leading. And choosing, of course.

“A fear that the acts I accomplished would be yours, and not my own.” He hesitated. “I should have wished for such a convenient set of backs upon which to heap the blame for my crimes.”

Wow. Okay, that’s… a line.

Um.

Damn.

It’s almost ironic, the way he instead tried to heap all the responsibility on himself and take all that blame and pain, and let it damn him and in doing so tried to pretend it freed him to act as he needed, no longer held back by such trivial concerns as humanity and his own conscience or sense of redeemability. But ultimately it came down to the same thing, in a way: an inability to accept what he was doing, and so trying to find a place to put all that pain.

(Or, as Lews Therin once advised, ‘If it hurts too much, make it hurt someone else instead’).

But now he sees that, too, and so instead of trying to escape the pain or treat it as ‘I’m damned either way so may as well burn it all’, he understands his responsibility but in a more… balanced way, I suppose.

The Dragon Reborn had come to the White Tower to engage in idle philosophy

Moridin? That you?

I do sort of wonder, because I’m me, what impact, if any, Rand’s epiphany might (or could; I don’t really expect the story to go there, much as I might wish it to) have on Moridin, given the link they share.

“Rand,” Egwene said, softening her tone.

And now we get the reflection of the names from the opening of this conversation! It’s about the names! It’s about the dialogue tags! It’s about identity and perception and that thread of friendship that still binds them and might in the end be enough to save them from their predecessors’ fate!

“I’m going to have some sisters talk to you to decide if there is anything… wrong with you. Please try to understand.”

I mean you could not have phrased that less tactfully if you tried, Egwene, but it is kind of understandable. We may know full well that there’s less wrong with Rand now than there has been at pretty much any point since the start of the series, but how in the Light would anyone else be able to be sure of that? He’s certainly not acting like the Rand Egwene once knew, or even the Rand she last saw. Nor is he behaving like the Rand from whatever reports she’s received.

And yes, while I think the world waiting and watching for him to go mad hurt far more than it helped, there’s also the fact that that is what everyone and their mother expects—because up until what, a few months ago, that was inevitable.

So then in walks the Dragon Reborn, acting like… well, this, and what else are you going to do? A bit like the cleansing of saidin, as a reader you want all the other characters to just take it on faith, but the rather sad irony of Rand’s position is that his own word is the one no one is entirely sure they can trust. And the only one here who can vouch for him is himself. Elayne or Aviendha or Min might be able to, but none of them is nearby, and also that bond’s been kept pretty quiet.

So anyway. Yeah, I can see where she’s coming from on that.

To his credit, so can Rand.

“Oh, I do understand, Egwene. And I am sorry to deny you, but I have too much to do.”

There’s the woolheaded sheepherder again. He’s smiling here, and I am quite sure this is a bit of the old Rand dropping by to say hello and needle Egwene just a bit, because that’s what they do.

“A friend rides to his death without allies.”

HE NAMED YOU FRIEND. AND NOW YOU REMEMBER HIM. THIS IS FINE I’M FINE EVERYTHING’S FINE.

“This is the part I regret. I did not wish to come into your centre of power, which you have achieved so well, and defy you. But it cannot be helped. You must know what my plans are so that you can prepare.”

To be able to say that without so much as the hit of a threat in it is… quite a power move, I have to say. Because even here, I think he’s still just being absolutely and even benevolently honest. He doesn’t want to undermine her. He doesn’t even really want to challenge her. He understands where she’s coming from – which itself puts us so, so far from where he was just days ago, that he can meet her uncertainty and suspicion and say ‘okay yeah, that’s fair’.

And if he had time, I wonder if he might actually agree to that particular request.

But he doesn’t have time. Which brings us to the other extraordinary part of this statement: willingly offering up communication. Just. Straight up saying ‘you need to know my plans’. Mark this date in your calendars, friends: a Wheel of Time character just offered, unprompted, voluntarily, to share their plans with another character, so that they can prepare.

I am astonished.

“The last time I tried to seal the Bore”

You know, just the other day.

“I believe that saidin and saidar must both be used.”

I think he’s absolutely right there—it’s a part of what I love about Rand and Egwene, childhood friends for all that they’ve grown apart, holding the roles that they do; the idea that this bond between them, strained as it is, could allow them to do what Lews Therin and Latra Posae could not—but I also… he shall hold a blade of light in his hands, and the three shall be one. I just… wonder.

Egwene leaned forward, studying him. There didn’t seem to be madness in his eyes. She knew those eyes. She knew Rand.

YES!

THIS IS EVERYTHING I WANTED! That she sees him. Looks past the Dragon Reborn, past her role as Amyrlin, and for a moment she is just Egwene looking at Rand and it is by nature such a simple thing—stripping away everything but that simple identity—but it’s also the thing that can give them a chance to do it differently this time. This chance of understanding, this one small thing that could tip them towards cooperation and trust rather than letting them turn away from each other or fall apart.

Light, she thought, I’m wrong. I can’t think of him only as the Dragon Reborn. I’m here for a reason. He’s here for a reason. To me, he must be Rand. Because Rand can be trusted, while the Dragon Reborn must be feared.

Maybe it’s very Sanderson to have this stated outright, but I’m not even going to complain, because it’s… perfect. To allow, in the end, trust and friendship and who they are rather than purely what they are come into it as well, even just in some small way, to bridge that gap. It’s what Lews Therin and Latra Posae couldn’t do, but Rand and Egwene have a chance to try again.

I just… have been spinning around on this EXACT CONCEPT for, I don’t know, several books now, and to see it playing out so plainly here is everything I want and I am never going to be okay again in my life.

“Which are you?” she whispered unconsciously.

He heard. “I am both, Egwene. I remember him. Lews Therin. I can see his entire life, every desperate moment. I see it like a dream, but a clear dream. My own dream. It’s part of me.”

It’s a nice touch, that he speaks of it as a dream, to the one who understands dreams so well.

It’s also just a lot, to have gone from ‘so many parts of him, mind splintered in glittering shards, all of them screaming’ to ‘sorrows and his own suicide’ to a clear dream he accepts as a part of himself. The pain and desperation of it are still there, but he’s no longer fighting them, because he no longer sees it as something he’s bound to. It’s just a part of who he is, but it doesn’t have to define what he will be.

I also like this because Egwene was one of the first to notice him speaking to a voice in his mind. And now she gets this, just an honest and accepting response. It seems fitting, somehow.

The words were those of a madman, but they were spoken evenly. She looked at him, and remembered the youth that he had been. The earnest young man. Not solemn like Perrin, but not wild like Mat. Solid, straightforward. The type of man you could trust with anything.

Even the fate of the world.

THAT’S IT THAT’S IT RIGHT THERE. If they did not know each other, this could be an impasse. Not as disastrous as Rand’s meeting with Tuon, perhaps, because he’s a little… uh… less omnicidal at this particular moment, but likely just as unsuccessful. An Amyrlin who could not trust the Dragon, and a Dragon who could not afford to give her the assurances she needed, and so two powers working in parallel but separately, almost in opposition.

But she knows him. And it’s the youth he had been—it is LITERALLY THE MEMORY OF A SHEPHERD NAMED RAND AL’THOR, the echo of one of my favourite quotes—that tips the balance the other way this time.

It’s Rand. The boy he tried for so long to destroy, because to be him hurt too much.

And I also really love how it isn’t about some Grand True Love between them that does it. They were childhood sweethearts, sure, but the love between them is that of friends, of a shared childhood, of something very much like family. And I like that there’s this implicit importance and weight placed on that; that in its way it’s as crucial to this moment as the ‘veins of gold’ were on Dragonmount

This is what Latra Posae and Lews Therin had. And so instead it falls to Egwene and Rand, to learn from their mistakes, and do what they could not. It is what Rand realised on Dragonmount, and what he is playing out now. A chance to try again.

And it’s because he’s Rand that that’s possible. It’s not Lews Therin, or the Dragon Reborn (but it is also both of those, because he is both of those).

“In one month’s time,” Rand said, “I’m going to travel to Shayol Ghul and break the last remaining seals on the Dark One’s prison. I want your help.”

Well. I mean. Okay. Points for honest and straightforward communication, I suppose. I love that he just walks into the Tower and drops this on her like a grenade, though. It amuses me.

Ah, so she thinks the crystal sphere in her dream represents the seals or the prison as well.

“Rand, no”

Rand: Rand yes!

Sorry, couldn’t help myself.

“I’m going to need you, all of you”

Rand openly admitting to needing anyone or anything, and again just as a statement rather than a threat or an angry demand, is another thing that’s new and kind of refreshing.

“I hope to the Light that this time, you will give me your support.”

Rand to Egwene, remembering Lews Therin to Latra Posae. And if everyone is someone reborn, who’s to say she isn’t? (I’m not… really sure whether I’d want that to be true or not, so I suppose it’s nice that it’s not stated one way or the other, at least up to this point. But it could be a fun one to play with). Either way, those very much are the roles they’re echoing, and I swear I’ll shut up about this but I still just love how, so closely following Rand’s realisation on Dragonmount, we get to actually watch that kind of chance-to-try-again play out. A chance to work together, rather than apart.

“And then… well, then we will discuss my terms.”

Ah well, I suppose it was too much to hope for him to communicate the whole plan right now. Baby steps and all that.

Also, you know, narrative choices and the need to keep at least something back.

“Your terms?” Egwene demanded. “You will see,” he said, turning as if to leave.

So… the way it’s framed puts us into very slightly antagonistic (and much more familiar) territory of lack of communication and demands and terms.

But I wonder what terms he’s referring to, because there is a nonzero probability that he’s talking about Callandor here. In which case, it’s not entirely impossible that the terms he’s referring to are, in effect, those of his own surrender.

I could be wrong. I very probably am. But it’s… an interesting possibility to consider. And it would be kind of fitting, in a way, for that to be the uncommunicated and therefore misunderstood thing here.

Turns out ‘the Amyrlin’s Anger’ is Egwene just shouting at her childhood friend ‘don’t you turn your back on me when I’m talking to you, Rand al’Thor’ and Rand turning back like a boy who tracked mud into the house. I love them, I really do.

“We must talk about this,” she said. “Plan.”

“That is why I came to you. To let you plan.”

He seemed amused.

Oh, he’s absolutely amused. Part of him still is the boy you knew, and this is honestly just classic Rand-and-Egwene, for all that it’s also on an entirely different level. They antagonise one another: it’s what they do. But I don’t think there’s true anger here, on either side. And again, that is what could save them. That ‘anger’ between them is… this, rather than that snapping of tension and dropping of any possibility of a truce and turning immediately to planning their next moves, all thought of alliance or restraint over, between Rand and Tuon.

Anyway. The other thing here is that… it’s easy to be exasperated with Egwene, because just listen to Rand, he’s sane now damn it, and he’s almost certainly right about the seals.

But honestly? In her position? Knowing what she knows—and not knowing all the things she doesn’t know, like the actual state of Rand’s mind—it’s hard to fault her for pushing back on this. He walks in, says he’s fine and that he remembers a dead man’s entire life and also that they need to break the prison of the embodiment of entropy and chaos and evil, okay bye!

Like. As Amyrlin, it’s her job to say ‘okay, right, I’m with you, but also what the fuck’. It would be irresponsible not to.

Of course… I get the impression Rand knows that, too. And is, perhaps, counting on it. He came to her to let her plan, and he doesn’t seem surprised or upset by the fact that she doesn’t just immediately say ‘okay cool when do we start’, and he has a certain respect for the position she holds.

I think it’s entirely possible this is what he wants from her. For her to plan. Because he doesn’t have time to. And because, just as she looks at him and sees someone she can trust with the fate of the world, he looks at her and sees someone he can trust with planning and logistics and getting the Aes Sedai to get themselves where he needs them. A kind of ‘this is what I’m going to do, now do whatever it is you need to do because I don’t need to micromanage and I also don’t have time to, okay see you at Tarmon Gai’don’.

“And so here we come to it,” Rand said.

Yeah, he saw this coming.

“Egwene al’Vere, Watcher of the Seals, Flame of Tar Valon, may I have your permission to withdraw?”

He asked it so politely. She couldn’t tell if he was mocking her or not.

The thing is, I really don’t think he is. It’s like how earlier he said he didn’t want to come into her place of power and undermine her. He’s giving her, I think, an honest gesture with genuine respect. Because now, at peace with himself as he is, it costs him nothing to do so. She is not his enemy, and I do think his respect for her is honest, and I think he still cares about her as a friend, and what does he lose by giving her a small bow and her titles and the opportunity to grant him permission to leave?

And of course Egwene is conflicted, because on the one hand she can’t keep him here like Elaida tried to, but on the other hand…

“I will not let you break the seals,” she said. “That is madness.”

“Then meet me at the place known as the Field of Merrilor, just to the north. We will talk before I go to Shayol Ghul. For now, I do not want to defy you, Egwene. But I must go.’

Ah. And so we have a battleground.

As for the rest… well. It’s not quite accord, but nor is it disaster. It’s not even quite a true impasse. There’s tension now, sure, but it’s a) not even in the same hemisphere as as bad as it would have been if Rand hadn’t had some alone time on a mountain to think, literally, about his life choices and b) not insurmountable.

And c) I still think there’s a very real chance this is all Rand actually needed or wanted out of this. Egwene now knows his plan and his timing and the battleground, and she can take care of the rest.

It’s almost—gasp—as if Rand al’Thor, Dragon Reborn, has truly learned to delegate.

The chamber was still enough for Egwene to hear the faint breeze making the rose window groan it its lead.

The wind, for Rand, against the rose, for the Aes Sedai. (Also, listen, I have not forgotten that Eldrene was the Rose of the Sun).

“Very well,” Egwene said. “But this is not ended, Rand.”

“There are no endings, Egwene.”

IT’S! ABOUT! THE NAMES!

They talk a big game about each other’s titles, and wonder if they’re really the person they each once knew, but they both open and closes with nothing but each other’s names, and it means absolutely everything.

Also, that’s… really not a bad outcome. Honestly, this could have been so much worse. Anger? Try ‘okay um that’s unexpected and I’m still not sure you’re not insane but…sure. Okay’.

Which really is all you need, right? It’s agreement with a bit of hesitation, and at this stage in the game that’s a damn victory.

Again, I can’t help but contrast it with that absolute catastrophe at Falme, and compared to that? This is just friends sticking their tongues out at each other on the way out. Rand knows he can count on Egwene to be there, at least. Will she agree with him when she arrives? Who knows. But that’s a problem for another time. For now, he at least knows she’ll go, and that’s all he can ask. And he can leave the rest of the planning in her hands.

And she knows what he’s planning, and knows he wants her as an ally, and can therefore make said plans.

I don’t think this is ended either, and I’m sure there’s plenty of potential conflict to come, but this was, all things considered, really kind of impressive in its lack of explosions.

(Also, ‘there are no endings’. Now who’s giving Aes Sedai answers, Rand? As well as probably spoilers for the last line of the series. Rude.)

Oh, interesting. So Rand’s ta’veren hyperdrive powers pretty much literally froze all the other Aes Sedai in place. Because this needed to be a meeting between Rand and Egwene. Because of their roles, yes, but also because of that thread of connection they still share. And so it had to be the two of them, because that was the only chance of this working at all.

Egwene frowned. She hadn’t felt it that way. Perhaps because she thought of him as Rand.

I… yeah. Because that’s what he needed: to have this conversation with someone who could see him. Even then, it barely came out to something almost resembling accord. They needed that small weight on the scales, to have that chance. And so she was free, because it was the Dragon Reborn, and not Rand, who was holding the others silent, in a way.

Or at least that’s how I’m reading this because it plays into my entire thing for names and identity and perception, and the importance thereof.

“We need to discuss his words. The Hall of the Tower will reconvene in one hour’s time for discussion.”

Which, really, is exactly what they need to be doing. Now they have the information, and they can figure out… a battle plan, I suppose. Okay. We’re there now. We have a place and a time (this place, this day, which of course is followed by the lesser sadness, yes I remember sequences of chapter titles why are you looking at me like that) and the beginnings of a plan. I’m… it’s been five years and I’m not entirely ready for this.

“And someone follow to make sure he really leaves.”

You’re just afraid he’ll find some way to prank you on his way out, don’t lie.

“Then how? How do we stop him?”

That, Silviana, is not the question you need to be asking. I mean, I get it. I really do. And I’m not sure how they could not think that, at least initially. But… the time for working against each other’s aims, when you are all on the same side, is over.

“We need allies,” Egwene said.

Which, again, I think is precisely the point. That is something it makes absolute sense for Rand to delegate to the Amyrlin Seat, who has the power and the standing to gather allies and play the games of politics, and bring her portion of the Forces of the Light to… the Field of Merrilor, I suppose.

She took a deep breath. “He might be persuaded by people that he trusts.” Or he might be forced to change his mind if confronted by a large enough group united to stop him.

Oh, Egwene, no. You can’t be another Latra Posae.

But perhaps it would be too easy for this to actually just be their only not-quite-conflict. I still think it was more a success than a failure, all told, and I stand by everything I said about the importance of their friendship in letting them see each other, but I think we’re looking at one final testing of that, before the end.

Next (ToM ch 4) Previous (ToM ch 2)

#the. NAMES! #i'm fine #Wheel of Time #neuxue liveblogs WoT #Towers of Midnight

[the-odd-job]

Ashes of Icarus chapter 6 - Deceit and Lies

Rating: Explicit Warnings: Chose Not to Use Category: Other Fandom: Transformers Characters: Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Ratchet, Prowl, Optimus Relationships: Megatron/Sunstreaker, Sideswipe & Sunstreaker Additional Tags: Dubcon, Unplanned Pregnancy, Mechpreg, Sticky Words: 2272

A thoughtful chapter.

( Previous )

“Why he slag didn’t you call for backup?!”

Sunstreaker snarled. “The fragging comms were jammed! How the pit were we supposed to do that?!”

“Back out of the jammed area, report the disturbance, and see what orders you’re given,” Ratchet snarled right back, clanging him on the helm with the butt of his welder. 

And okay, that was one way to handle the situation, with just the one minor complication that they hadn’t wanted to.

Or Sunstreaker hadn’t. Sideswipe didn’t bother himself with too many opinions as long as Sunstreaker remained satisfied with the whole situation.

And oh, he was very satisfied. 

But no one else needed to know it was about anything more than a battle well won—and not one gloriously lost. 

“We could handle it,” Sunstreaker still argued with a roll of his optics. And according to their lie, they had. So what was the problem?

He didn’t get to hear Ratchet’s opinion on that because the medbay doors opened then to admit Prowl and Optimus, interrupting Ratchet. The medic, along with the twins, glanced at the arrivees, before Ratchet dismissed them with a hmph and set back to work on Sunstreaker.

Ratchet never did like to be interrupted when he was busy yelling at his patients. Especially if those patients were the twins. They deserved all the yelling they could get.

Sunstreaker took it as the short lived reprieve it was, though. “Did Grapple find anything?” Sideswipe asked, doubling down on their lie with his natural curiosity. “Or is that classified?”

“No, Grapple did not find anything to suggest why the Decepticons were interested in that area,” Prowl responded with an irritable flick of his wings, although for once it likely wasn’t aimed at them and instead at just the entire situation. Not having all the variables didn’t suit him. “It could be they were simply scouting for something that wasn’t there after all.”

“No matter their reasons, good work on hindering their efforts,” Optimus said with a nod at the brothers. Sideswipe nodded back, Sunstreaker just huffed.

“Did you expect anything less?” he sneered. Ratchet whacked him again, probably for disrespecting their mighty leader this time.

Sunstreaker’s digits twitched, but he knew better than to whack Ratchet back. That was a surefire way to get welded to the berth.

He had to content himself to just some offended growling that Ratchet paid absolutely no mind to. 

Optimus didn’t take the bait, though, only gave Sunstreaker a look that would never ever accomplish a damn thing. 

“Regardless, I would like your reports as soon as possible,” said Prowl, and right there was a third mech who didn’t appreciate his attitude with Optimus. Well, tough luck, because the Prime wasn’t exactly demanding better treatment. He’d just have to deal. “Will you be able to compose them during your repairs and return them to my office after Ratchet releases you?”

“Sure,” Sideswipe agreed. Would this mean less abuse from Ratchet? See, they’d need to be able to focus on writing their reports, it wouldn’t do if they were constantly distracted by one irascible medic. Right?

He could hope. “Good,” Prowl nodded, and after get well soon wishes from Optimus, the two headed out of the medbay.

“We will need to run patrols with increased frequency in the area, just to be–“ Sunstreaker could hear Prowl continue to Optimus.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he said, sitting up straight. Optimus and Prowl paused on their exit and looked back at him, Optimus with some level of surprise, Prowl with exasperation.

No doubt the tactician already had an inkling of what Sunstreaker wanted to complain about. He proceeded to do that without delays. “I am not driving any more patrols on those god forsaken excuses for roads,” he snarled, jabbing a digit at Prowl. “Two more patrols, then we’re done with our punishment duty, right? I’ll go on a fucking strike if we’re scheduled on any more patrols there after that!”

Sideswipe was snickering, but his brother wasn’t in too much of a disagreement with him. Let the likes of Hound take those routes, they had the fragging alt-modes for it!

“Your preference has been noted,” Prowl said dryly, and Sunstreaker didn’t hold out for hope that Prowl wouldn’t schedule them there if he saw it necessary. That was the downside of being some of the best the Autobots had to offer. If their skills were needed somewhere, there weren’t too many who could fill in for them.

And then they’d just end up doing shit they’d rather not have, like driving on dirt roads that all but wrecked their frames. 

Now Prowl and Optimus left for real, leaving Sunstreaker to brood and Sideswipe to kick his legs while he waited for his turn to be fixed. They’d need to make their reports convincing, somehow. Choreograph an entire fight that didn’t happen, between mecha that had never been present—make it hold together with the scene left behind and their own injuries.

They had their work cut out for them. At least they wouldn’t have trouble keeping their reports matching up, a small mercy. Twins and all that.

--------------------------------------------------------------

They’d been in a few battles during the course of their lives. That came in handy when fabricating the details of their story. Ratchet left them to it, mostly, fixing them in the relative silence of just the medic’s aggravated grumbling and the occasional order to move this way or that or do this or do that. 

On their way from the medbay they delivered their reports—one from each frame’s perspective—to Prowl’s office. The SIC nodded his thanks before sending them back on their way. They fetched their ratios and sat in the rec room while they drank them, where Sideswipe shared some words and laughter with Bumblebee and Windcharger.

Sunstreaker let it all wash over him, struggling to keep his thoughts from traveling down paths that would have damned him if anyone became privy to them.

Thank Primus the Autobots had no telepaths in their ranks. He’d be doomed otherwise.

But he was rarely particularly involved in social situations. It was doubtful anyone noticed he was more distracted than usual. 

They didn’t linger in the rec room very long after finishing their cubes. It wasn’t just Sunstreaker that was suffering from the state of his processors—Sideswipe felt the same need to sort their goddamn thoughts out. They slipped through the halls and into the quarters without interruptions, out of sight, hopefully out of mind, too, for long enough that they could work all of this out in peace.

Together they sat down on the bottom bunk of their berth, then… Silence.

They didn’t dare say a thing out loud. This was one secret they did not want getting out, not even—especially not—by accident. There was no one to overhear them, but that didn’t matter.

Say not a thing.

Not like they needed to, anyway. They functioned on the same wavelength, spark bound as they were. His thoughts were Sideswipe’s, Sideswipe’s thoughts were his. The transition was smooth, seamless—silent and untraceable. 

Just what they needed.

Sunstreaker was the driving force behind all of this, though. It wasn’t his life, it was their life, but it was a give and take, push and pull. This time, Sideswipe gave, letting Sunstreaker direct the course of their actions according to his… Conclusions.

Whatever those might turn out to be.

‘Think about what I said.’

Which part? Megatron had said more than a few things, from recounting their ill fated fight a long time ago, to making fun of his frame’s reactions that absolutely had nothing to do with Sunstreaker’s genuine desires, absolutely not.

Ugh.

Sideswipe shifted, and offered a thought.

‘I’ve gotten better.’

‘Is it something to get better from?’

...Was that it?

If it was, what the pit did Megatron want him to do with that thought? He had been a berserker—still was, technically. The damage had gone nowhere, but… He hadn’t snapped in a long time. 

Wasn’t that the goal? Oh, they had valued the likes of him in the Pits thanks to the unhinged violence they could unleash, but was that anything to actually desire? The Autobots had gone out of their way to give him back control over his own frame and mind, to reduce the instances where he lost it and… Became a danger to anything and everything. 

How could something like that be desirable?

What did Megatron think?

Why was he thinking about what Megatron thought? So the mech had beat him in a fight again, wow, and decided to frag him afterwards, wow, but what did that change? They were on the opposite sides of the war for Primus’ sake, that little fact had gone absolutely nowhere. He shouldn’t give a frag about any of Megatron’s thoughts, especially not after the tyrant had decidedly not asked his permission to fuck him. He’d just swooped along, turned him the slag on, and done the deed.

And… Sunstreaker found himself decidedly not opposed to that. He should be! Not only because Megatron had technically forced him, but because he had technically gotten forced by the enemy leader that he should, under all circumstances, want to kill in the name of putting an end to the war in favor of the side he belonged to. 

But here he was, post-fuck… Still enjoying the afterglow of some fragging awesome overloads, and… Not opposed to the idea of next time.

As Megatron had threatened.

Promised.

Oh by the Thirteen he was screwed. Literally as well as figuratively. What were his options? Even if he swallowed his pride and reported the r-word—which he was never going to be able to do, he had too much of it—all they’d need was to have a look at his memory files and see how… He couldn’t even say he was conflicted. If he had been, then good, but no.

If he was honest with himself, the part of him that wasn’t anticipating the next time with much eagerness was pathetic. He was a bad, bad Autobot, remember? He didn’t give too many fucks about the fact he was obliterating the Autobot code even more thoroughly than he had so far in his career as a soldier. He didn’t care. Why would he have? He wouldn’t have gained a whole lot by following the damn thing to the letter, even if he’d been so inclined.

So it didn’t particularly matter to him, on a personal, emotional level, that he was getting fragged by the enemy and fucking enjoying it. 

And if they had a look into his head… They’d see that.

But if he didn’t care about the whole thing on a personal level, he did care about the consequences he would have faced if his comrades found out about this whole thing. It would end badly for him. Very badly. He didn’t even know how badly, but how the hell were you supposed to interface with Megatron, like it, want for the next time, and not end up too deep in trouble with your own side to ever surface again?

No. No, he couldn’t afford this to ever come to light. Even on the off chance they’d somehow ignore his own excitement over it to focus just on what Megatron had done… No.

How the pit were they supposed to keep it a secret if it was just going to repeat, though? This time had been difficult enough. They’d done their best, given a story as believable as they could, made no mention of Megatron, not even a suggestion that he had been present to do what he had–

But because they’d lied, no matter how good they were at it, you could shoot holes into their story. The environment wouldn’t necessarily entirely agree with what they had said, if someone went to have a real good look at it. 

And what of their injuries? Sword marks. Those weren’t that usual here on Earth. They’d added their fair share of gunshot marks—and frankly, that had hurt—but Ratchet wasn’t dumb. He’d fixed those sword marks, the cuts of a sharp blade. He knew where they’d come from.

He hadn’t questioned it, why any of the Constructicons or a Seeker would have had a sword with them and the skill to wield it efficiently enough to be a match to Sunstreaker, but had he wondered about it? Sunstreaker didn’t doubt that very much. 

What had he come up with as an explanation for it, in the absence of anything the twins would have directly told him?

Primus, what a mess. But as long as he didn’t ask, they didn’t need to answer. Besides, what were the odds Ratchet would start to suspect that? They’d fixed the area around his cover before anyone else had gotten to the scene, removed the traces of interface from him—the evidence of who he had interfaced with. 

But if he grew suspicious… The future times would become even more problematic.

What could they do but worry about that when the time came, though?

Was that his conclusion? It was.

Sideswipe nodded at him before he stretched from having sat in the same position for who knew how long by now.

Then he got one of his brother’s trademark grins, bright and full of mischief. “Want my help touchin’ up your paint before I go see if ‘Hide or Jazz would be down for a tumble?”

Yeah, him and Megatron had been something to look at, hadn’t they? Not too much of a surprise Sideswipe would have some charge to burn.

Sunstreaker gave a wry smile of his own. “You bet.”

( Next )

#transformers #maccadams #sunstreaker #sideswipe #ratchet #optimus prime #prowl #fic #2020 #ashes of icarus #ashes

[sunflowers-and-snowdrops]

ramble about your favourite fic?

oh! that’s a wild ride i have so many. im reading like 2 long form fics atm, 1 is currently being updates and one is already finished. they are so well written and just wow!! but if i have to say my ultimate favourite fic at the moment then it would be The Serving Of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle on AO3 and its sequel which is just INCREDIBLY GOOD. like??? ahhhh!!! the writing is great, the description is amazing, the characterization is done so well and the OCs are awesome characters, and ITS A SLOW BURN. The plot is super interesting and its brilliant. so if i had to choose then that would be my current absolute favourite fic. (Okay so this is a really long post so... well this a warning i guess)

There’s a bunch of other ones that are great so i’ll talk about those as well. did i mention CaffeinatedFlumadiddle??? their fics are just SO GOOD. like??? Salt of the Forsaken?? that was hilarious!! Exceptionally Exceptional??? that was a brilliant fic and i love that they focused on hunith because we didnt really see her that much on the show and this fic just makes up for that perfectly. Hunting For Dignity?? Cheers and Spirits??? YES. OH i cant forget Fool Me Once which is actually a really cool concept to explore imo. basically Uther isn’t a huge asshole in this one?? i mean he still kinda is but like its just chaotic and the relationship between uther and merlin is kinda odd because he keeps trying to find out ways to kill him and merlin is just done because he cant die and is immortal. i guess they sort of bond over that and wanting to keep arthur safe and like its a strange relationship but im living for it.

Usually uther is awful in practically all the fics ive read but there are some which sort of like make him kinda good?? like?? i mean hes still an asshole just less of it. like in About Merlin... (by LadyAuroraPendragon on AO3) Uther is still an asshole and hes against magic but like??? he ships them??? ahahhaha and everyone does too. its such a great fic. we got a wingman uther in there. A WINGMAN UTHER. uthers all like “why are so bad at flirting/courting? just tell him that you love him already JEEZ” and the funniest thing is that he thinks they’re together because of that scene in the black knight episode where merlin says that they have a bond and then he assumes that they are together and LITERALLY nothing can convince him that they are not together and its great lmao. 

Okay so ive been rambling for a veryyyy long time so I’ll just say two last things and finish off ahahha. On AO3 there’s another fic writer that I absolutely ADORE. their name is AeonTheDimensionalGirl and my goddd their fics are BEAUTFUL. LIKE??? THE WAY THEY USE THE WORD CARIAD?? OH MY GOD ITS JUST PERFECT. Their whumptober series is excellent and they use the word “cariad” which means love in welsh and its just SO amazing and heartfelt and ahhhhh. Some of my favourites include Watch you breathe in, watch you breathe out which is a fic based on the ep “servant of two masters” and how it would have switched, like instead of merlin being possessed or bewitched by the nathair, it was arthur who was trying to kill him and its just so good. super angsty but it has a happy ending that makes my heart melt.

The fic?? Off the record??? is just??? PERFECT? i absolutely love that it was from Leon’s pov that was a really interesting way of viewing it and i LOVED the hc that arthur sorta has some kind of magic (bc he was born out of magic) but it ONLY appears when merlin is fatally injured/dying and hsajdbjsbhudhbedb i thought it was great omg. Another fic written by them called Looking After You had such a good enemies to friends to lovers arc like *chefs kiss*. I also really enjoyed To Worship the Powerful (and destroy the weak), Uther’s Bane, and Et Tu, Merlin? because they were such good whumptober fics. 

did i say two last things??? okay i lied, it was three. anyways, last but not least (because i gotta stop rambling or this post will extremely long) the fics Chains Of Secrets and I suppose that I look different (without the robes or crown) are some of favourites because in chains of secrets its what would have happened if uther said that merlin had magic (if he wasnt cut off or IF ARTHUR ACTUALLY HEARD WHAT HE SAID AND DEDUCED IT FROM THAT) anyways i think its a great magic reveal fic, set in one of my favourite episodes “the death song of uther pendragon” so i think its just neat. 

hilariously, the fic  I suppose that I look different (without the robes or crown) is also based on that episode. i have a fondness for it okay? Its basically where Arthur blows the horn of cathbdhah again but gets transported to another world where Ygraine never died and ITS JUST SO BEAUTIFUL. LIKE THE DESCRIPTIONS??? THE CHARACTERS?? its amazing and i reread it alot. anyways arthur goes into that world and he has to find a way back to his own. in the fic balinor lives, lancelot and gwen had a KID. oh and merlin was a ROYAL which was just awesome. all in all its a great fic :D

So that is the end, or i will literally go on forever. sorry this is such a long answer ahaha, i really tried to make it shorter but just gave up in the end. I hope you enjoyed that?? i did and i thank you anon, for letting me ramble! If anyone wants to read the fics ive mentioned, then you can find the links below! enjoy :D

The Serving Of Servants by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Salt Of The Forsaken by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Exceptionally Exceptional by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Hunting For Dignity by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Cheers and Spirits by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

Fool Me Once by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle

About Merlin... by LadyAuroraPendragon

Watch You Breathe In, Watch You Breathe Out by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Off the Record by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Looking After You by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

To Worship the Powerful (And Destroy the Weak) by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Uther’s Bane by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Et Tu, Merlin? by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Merlin’s Knight by AeonTheDimensionalGirl

Chains Of Secrets by magicdoses

I suppose that I look different (without the robes or crown) by WingedWolf121

For Want Of A Nail by ohHeyThereBigBadWolf                      

(I didn’t manage to talk about For Want Of A Nail or Merlin’s Knight but i think that they are both amazingly well written fics so im recommending it anyways.)

[warwaged-archive]

The first time Tyrande is mentioned in the book, and most notable other than the two scenes she actually appears in, is this one:

Tyrande and Malfurion had fled to Nordrassil, and all of his missives went unread. A messenger had returned that morning with his letter to them unopened. The man looked shaken, more so when Anduin told him firmly to leave, return to Nordrassil, and try again.

Which is only confirmation of what we already knew of her by the end of BFA rather than new information, both in that Tyrande does not accept the peace treaty and is not really in agreeable terms with Anduin

Anduin: The armistice is signed. At long last, the Fourth War is over. Tyrande: No. Not while the Black Moon still cries out for vengeance. Not until the Horde has answered for its treachery. Anduin: Further bloodshed will not bring back the fallen. We must renew our hope and forge a future for those who survived. Tyrande: And when the next warchief musters an army, will hope save you if it is Stormwind that burns? Anduin: I know it's difficult to trust, but there are signs of change within the Horde. Anduin: In place of a warchief, there is now a council led by Baine, Thrall, and the others. I believe they can-- Tyrande: Your faith is naive, lion son. I will sign no treaty unless it is written in the Banshee's blood!

and that she’s left for Nordrassil, as she notes she will do in a conversation with Shandris following the above one

Shandris: You spoke harshly to King Anduin, Tyrande. The kaldorei can ill afford to shun the Alliance. They have provided aid and comfort to us in these dark times. Tyrande: The young king is foolish to trust our enemies. Harsh words should be the least of his fears. Shandris: The Banshee Queen no longer leads the Horde. Those who do seem more inclined toward peace than war. Tyrande: If the wolf is rabid, it matters not who rides it. Sooner or later, the beast will bare its fangs. Shandris: You are dearest to my heart, Tyrande. I beg you, let go of the Black Moon's rage and embrace the mother's light once again. I could not bear to lose you to darkness. Tyrande: Know this. My hunger for vengeance will not be sated so long as Sylvanas Windrunner remains free--and until I know why Elune abandoned her children. Shandris: Tyrande! Do not say such-- Tyrande: I will tarry no longer in this city of men. Let us leave for the boughs of Nordrassil. Tyrande: From there we will dispatch the Sentinels to every corner of Azeroth. Let no one rest until the Banshee is found!

What happens with Anduin by the beginning of Shadows Rising, then, feels only like a natural continuity from that, in that he’s trying to reach out but she’s uninterested and won’t hear of it. In my opinion, that’s not only coherent, but also justified; she feels like the Alliance has failed her people, repeatedly -- both in denying them help in Darkshore, and now in agreeing to peace before giving them justice -- all the while uniting their forces to aid the Horde solve their problems with the Warchief. 

We don’t hear from her again until Thrall is discussing a visit to Nordrassil, in order to investigate the unrest the shaman are feeling with the spirits. Yukha, who’s been negotiating the meeting, tells him she agrees on the condition Thrall “must bring what is owed” and that he would know what she means. He doesn’t. Not entirely. He knows Tyrande and Malfurion will want retribution for Teldrassil, but he doesn’t know what he can give them, but he goes anyway, choosing to bring Baine and Calia with him. And then, when he actually goes, we finally see Tyrande. (And I liked a part of this one so much ! For the most part I liked it initially -- except for the very ending).  

Tyrande is there, sitting with Malfurion, Maiev and Shandris behind them. While Malfurion stands upon the Horde’s arrival, Tyrande does not. Thrall and company bow and he begins to speak of what brought them there, and he’s rather unsettled by the cold reception and lack of response, noting that Tyrande locked eyes with him and did not look away, and that as he spoke, none of them did even blink. He starts to feel impatient and insulted (lol thrall) and tries to hold back from answering poorly.

He looked into Tyrande’s eyes once more, into the hypnotizing aura of darkness in the never-cool embers of her eyes. That moment in Nagrand returned to him, when he tasted smoke and sensed a far-off pain. That pain was not so far off for her, it was constant and as potent as the day Teldrassil burned.

I like this quote in particular a lot, in spite of it apparently being a tiny thing. It brings to light how although those close and far may have felt sorrow and pain when the World Tree burned, Tyrande carries it with her the entire time. Others may be moving on, concerned with other matters, but she isn’t, and how could she? It may have been a day or three hundred, it is still recent to her, still fresh, constantly fresh, not something she can set aside, not something she can let go of, and not something she would let go of, given the choice --- it is what she owes those who burned, and it is what she owes those who lived. I like this bit, and the initial part with Baine, Calia and Thrall arriving, because to me it did a good job of showing that. To everyone, it’s a great tragedy, it’s horrible, but they’ve moved on. Calia and Baine arrive there taken by the natural beauty surrounding the World Tree, and are initially quite insensitive to the aura of mourning still surrounding the Night Elves. To them that pain is still real. It isn’t something they can just let go of, specially when they have yet to get any justice that may give them some closure.

“I brought what you wanted, what is owed,” Thrall said, and at last he saw a spark of life in her eyes. “I bring you the sincere apology of the Horde. We are not a single voice now spoken through the mouth of a warchief, but a whole host of voices. We have formed a council, so that never again will one take power and abuse it as Sylvanas did. As…as Sylvanas used that power to slaughter your people.”

Then Thrall says he brought her what was owed, and Tyrande demonstrates some interest, but what he brings is apologies and excuses and a bunch of “we’re trying to do better” stuff that isn’t what the Night Elves deserve after what they suffered. He speaks of Baine opposing Sylvanas, of Calia and Lilian trying to do better by the Forsaken, but throughout it all, Tyrande is unmoved.

Was he speaking to a wall? Would nothing move Tyrande? Even Malfurion gave him the smallest nod of understanding, perhaps only indicating that he was listening.

Although Malfurion’s willingness to in the least hear shows (and side note: I do appreciate how in this moment and later on Malfurion is portrayed as, while no less imposing, considerably gentler, because that’s what I’m here for), it is Shandris who then removes her helmet and speaks to Thrall and tells him it’s hard not to be distrusting of promises when even allies have failed to come through with them. Maiev, then, is her counterpoint, proceeding to tell her to listen at her peril, because she’ll end with daggers on her back. 

Although Tyrande doesn’t speak, Maiev is clearly more of her voice, here. It is when she says that that Tyrande shows some reaction again, an almost smile that suggests she’s in great agreement with Maiev’s distrust, with the voiced believe no matter what the Horde will end up betraying them again, hurting them again.

Maiev makes some very valid points, after that. That Sylvanas did not, in fact, act alone; that she acted for the Horde and spoke for them, that they are trying to disperse the blame and “hiding behind cowardly revisions of a history that will not be forgotten". This will be important later on, in comparison to Tyrande’s own stance on the matter.

The Horde gives the “mUsT iNnOcEnTs DiE fOr It To Be JuStIcE tO yOu” excuses a bit, although Thrall acknowledges Saurfang did indeed take part in planning the attack, if not burning the World Tree, but he is now dead by Sylvanas’ own hand and there’s nothing they can do in that regard. I like that it is at very least acknowledged, though, after we spent so long ignoring he had anything to do with it and blaming everything on Sylvanas aksjndfkajsndfkj

Shandris continues to be the most moderate voice from the Kaldorei side, suggesting they do not absolve the Horde for their crimes, but make a temporary understanding as to deal with the more urgent matters. Maiev continues to argue against her. Then we have this:

Tyrande, it seemed, still did not care to speak. 

The elf began plucking her lute again, but Tyrande slammed her hand down on the owl-shaped arm of the bench, demanding a return to silence. Had the moon grown bigger in the sky? Was it somehow closer? Threatening? 

“It was not yet time.” Malfurion’s grave baritone filled the clearing. He leaned down toward his wife, placing a furred, clawed hand on her shoulder. “This was folly. Let them go.” 

Tyrande uncrossed her legs and sat back on the bench, shaking off her husband’s hand with a tight grimace.

Here we have what I mentioned before, of Malfurion being portrayed as gentler of the two. When he notices her reaction, he tries to appease her even before Tyrande has indeed said anything, intervening on behalf of letting the Horde people go, but she’s clearly displeased by then, and very much unwilling to listen even to him, as her reaction shows. And then we have the very best part:

And then, all at once, she cared very much to speak. 

“When you have washed the bodies of a thousand kaldorei burned and broken, when you have fallen to your knees and kissed the feet of a thousand mourning souls, when you look into their eyes and tell them ‘our Horde has changed’ and they believe you, only then will I accept your apology and treat you as my equal.” Tyrande’s voice, edged as steel, pulled the air out of the clearing. “My brethren here may be willing to entertain your empty pledges of justice and aid, but I know better. I have learned better.” 

Then she stood, and Thrall worried that the moon might truly fall from the heavens and crush them at Tyrande’s command. Her eyes, though black, somehow glowed, Elune’s fury blazing colder and brighter along her skin with each word. The glade itself grew gray and almost dead, as if by her will she had sapped the life out of everything around them, withering the trees and obliterating the flowers and grass to dust.

“How many orphans did your Horde create that day?” Tyrande sliced the flat of her hand diagonally across her body. “Those children will grow, they will wake each morning tasting ash, and one day they will come for you. Oh, they will come for you, and they will make you taste that same ash, and then you will know their justice.” She sat down again, as if winded. Light returned to the clearing, and the plants around them were green and vibrant once more. 

“Quickly,” Yukha muttered, trying to gather them. “We must go. This was a mistake; I should not have brought you here.” 

Baine and Calia allowed Yukha to corral them back toward the path of glittering solid water. Thrall remained, only taking slow, careful steps, never showing Tyrande his back. For his trouble, Tyrande directed her final words to him and only him. 

“You will find that justice less sweet than the sorry excuse for punishment you faced, and when this justice comes, there will be no armistice to save you.”

Again, I love how it’s done because of how clearly it portrays that there is no healing for the Kaldorei as is, but I like Tyrande’s words most of all because of how they clearly say “You don’t get to decide what is enough justice. The victims are the only ones who can decide what is enough for them.” Apologies mean nothing to her, because she has no reason to believe they will hold true, and because even if they do, is it enough for those who suffered? Is it enough for those who survived, damaged and broken, their loved ones gone? Is it enough for those who burned? It may all be very honorable and just in theory, but what about practice? What did the Horde’s honor do to stop Sylvanas’ decision to burn the World Tree? If her own allies failed to heed her request for aid, why should Tyrande believe the promises of those who stood on Sylvanas’ side, and turned only when her actions begun to harm the Horde itself?

But even then, Tyrande’s mindset and her words are never about herself. It isn’t about her. Of course she mourns, and of course it wounded her; she is the leader of the Night Elves, and she failed to protect them. It is them, her people, her charges, they who matter --- those she failed, be it because they are dead or be it the survivors left with an everlasting mark and everlasting absences. 

And because of them, because she cannot fail them like that again, because she’s so hellbent on doing right by them now, apologies just won’t do it.

I love how the atmosphere surrounding them reflects Tyrande’s feelings, the moon closer and fiercer, her tone so sharp as to take the air from the clearing, her fury so searing as to appear to suck all life from a place previously praised by its nature and vitality. 

What she speaks next still carries very much the intent behind her former words. How can she accept apologies? Will apologies soothe those children who lived through it but lost so much and will have to live their entire lives with the memory of an unspeakable horror such as that? It won’t leave them. Apologies aren’t enough that they won’t remember the torment of hot flames, the taste of the ashes in their mouths. Apologies do not give them justice; but they’ll never stop wanting for it, needing it, to be able to, indeed, move on and perhaps heal. Until justice is done, however, that can’t be done. They can’t heal without it. There’s no moving on without it. And apologies are not justice. Promises of change are not justice.

She’s not making a threat. In a way, it is a promise, but not a threat. She’s not vowing to kill them all; she’s promising that they can pretend it’s all well and fine and they’ve done enough, but they haven’t and eventually that will catch up to them. 

And it will, Tyrande has no doubt of that. A council instead of a Warchief may prevent the same of happening again, but it doesn’t change what was done, it doesn’t erase it, it isn’t paying for what was done and doesn’t give them compensation in any way. Calia and Lilian leading the Forsaken in a different way may mean a different future for the Forsaken, but it doesn’t help the Kaldorei’s future, it doesn’t help them heal, it isn’t paying for what was done, it doesn’t give them compensation in any way. Baine trying to oppose Sylvanas well after Teldrassil burned may have been a step on the right direction, but it doesn’t change that when Sylvanas gave the order, that the Horde burned the World Tree, that they stood by her even after, that they only changed sides later on; it isn’t paying for what was done and it doesn’t give them compensation in any way. The Horde thinks it did enough, punishing the loyalists and setting up the means to prevent it from happening again, but to the victims at Teldrassil, how can that be justice? The Horde deciding the punishment their own should face, the victims having no voice, the victims receiving no compensation in any way, nothing that would give them closure? Of course it won’t be enough. Of course there won’t be closure. And of course they’ll eventually try to take it themselves, armistice or no.

Lastly, we have the scene closing with this exchange, that follows Thrall’s realization he was (an idiot) wrong to think apologies would be enough:

“I will bring what is owed, then. I will not bring words or promises, I will bring you the head of Sylvanas Windrunner.” 

The faintest trace of a smile appeared on Tyrande Whisperwind’s face. “Do it, then, or never seek to speak with me again.”

I don’t like it, because Thrall isn’t the one who has to kill Sylvanas. And here, I think it’s off that Tyrande would agree to these terms when it’s clear all throughout the previous part that it is important to her that the victims acknowledge it as justice, or it won’t truly be justice, and that the Horde doing it themselves isn’t it. Still, I don’t think her being agreeable is what’s wrong; I think it’s very much in accord to her stance throughout it, that she’d be agreeable to a promise she actually, truly acknowledges as possible justice for her people. If Thrall had promised her Sylvanas would face the Kaldorei’s justice, that he wouldn’t return empty handed not because he’d bring her head, but because he’d give the Kaldorei the opportunity to take it, then I think it’d be more coherent that Tyrande agrees to it.

And imo, if he really does it, meh. He shouldn’t be the one to do it, if Sylvanas does die. Nevertheless, my disagreement on that aside, Tyrande’s agreement is important: it shows she’s not unreasonable. She’s not refusing all compromise, refusing all chance to talk, vowing not to rest until every single Horde member is dead. She’s angry, and rightfully so; she’s terrifying, but she never threatened the Horde group there. She’s resentful and distrusting, and she does want blood, but she’s not after innocents, and she’s not even after those who could be implied alongside Sylvanas. Maiev earlier argued that Sylvanas didn’t act alone, and while I think she’s right, and while I think Tyrande thinks she’s right, Tyrande never voices that. Her desire for justice focuses on those who are to blame and unrepentant; spoken or not, this denotes she acknowledges the Horde’s attempt to change, in spite of her disbelief, and instead of focusing on the entire Horde as being guilty, she seeks justice to be taken from those who were direct cause, and who have taken no steps to make amends.

And I think that speaks a lot of her not being oblivious to Shandris’ point, that they need to not lose themselves, and that they need to heal. Tyrande is relentless in her pursuit for justice, and unwilling to let go of it, because that’s what the Kaldorei need. But her agreement that Sylvanas paying for it should be enough for her to be willing to talk to Thrall denotes that she knows they can’t pursue vengeance forever, that blood isn’t always the answer, that they need justice to heal but once it’s done they need to, indeed, try to move on and heal. (And I’m not talking about forgiving here, but merely turning away from bloodshed to focus on mending their own wounds).

Tyrande appears again in one more scene, by the end of the book, after the battle is done, and the Horde captures Sira, who Thrall then sends to Tyrande. It’s funny that here, he does pretty much what I said I think he should have promised in regards to Sylvanas: he captured her, yes, but he didn’t impose the Horde’s justice, and instead gave her to Tyrande so Tyrande did with her what she thought was suitable.  

But yeah, she gets to Stormwind with Maiev and Shandris, who “had insisted on coming along, perhaps sensing that Tyrande should not be left alone" which I think it’s pretty understandable since they didn’t know what the ‘gift from the Horde’ was, and what reaction it may cause, specially when in spite of not being unreasonable before, there is something of volatile in her now, perhaps due to how the power she has received impacts so heavily Tyrande but also her surroundings. 

They get there, see Sira, Tyrande recalls Thrall’s letter saying it isn’t yet what was owed but he hopes it’s a start, Sira rages and says Tyrande is a coward who does nothing even with the Night Warrior’s rage and power.

“I wish I could have done more to protect you,” Tyrande said, cold. “But some natures prove too evil to curb. Too ambitious to abide. Sylvanas has such a nature, and I will not forget that. You are her servant now, Sira, I have not forgotten that, either.”

This is a very important point because everyone else does not, apparently, care that Sira chose to serve Sylvanas.

Before I move on to that, it’s nice to notice that Tyrande shows no guilt in regards to Sira’s fate, which, in my opinion, is entirely understandable because of the before mentioned reason. She’s failed Sira, yes, and she wishes she could have protected her, yes, but Sira chose to side with the one who caused them all of that in the first place. She knew the horrors Sylvanas had already done, and she still followed. She knew her crimes were unforgivable, and she worked to further her plans. And because of that, Tyrande has no pity left for her, even though she was one of them before, even though she regrets her inability to have aided her in time. 

But Maiev and Shandris disagree and have plenty of pity left for Sira, and both make a plea for Tyrande’s compassion, Maiev citing an occasion when she had witnessed it before, accompanied by her stubbornness to give up on something she believed could still be saved. Tyrande replies she failed.

“How long did you try?” Maiev asked. “And would you try again? If you continue down this path, Tyrande, you will find yourself no better than Sira. She is in pain, can you not see it? She is in agony. The only relief comes from spilling blood. Is this what you want? To find your only comfort in the suffering of others?”

“And so I should do nothing?” Tyrande seethed. 

“That is not what I suggest and you know it. Listen, Tyrande.” Maiev went to stand beside Sira, a warden she had considered more than a friend. A sister. “I have lived as one consumed, and though there is no great love between us, Tyrande, I would not see you become what I was. What Sira is now. You are more than just rage and vengeance, you are more than simply the Night Warrior: you are a priestess and a leader. Can you not, as a priestess, take pity on this creature?”

I think Maiev throughout that scene sounds off, in that not only there’s this gentleness I have no idea where came from but just overall she definitely doesn’t sound like Maiev and her dynamics with Tyrande are also??? but other than Maiev, I have several issues with how this is played. The plea for compassion becomes a comparison between Tyrande and Sira, as if it was somehow comparable that this is the path she’s in, when the previous scene the book showed us, the meeting with Thrall, does not speak of it at all. Like I said, then she’s not portrayed as unreasonable, she’s portrayed as relentless in her pursuit of justice, disillusioned with promises, unwilling to forget, filled with righteous anger, but never unreasonable and lost to a dark path of blood and vengeance. Here, somehow, Maiev and Shandris argue that she is, because of her initial choice to end Sira --- ignoring that Sira, although a fallen comrade, became a willing follower of the one who initially caused them so much misery, the one they wish to bring justice to, the one who caused Sira to be what she became. Sira shows no remorse at all throughout the book, and is, in fact, considerably vicious and bloodthirsty, delighting in cruelty for the sake of it, only wishing for the death toll to be as high as possible (much more so than, for example, Nathanos, who should wish for it if only for how it strengthens Sylvanas, but never goes out of his way for the sake of killing or cruelty). 

She doesn’t kill Sira, but she gives her a cut, and we have this:

She was the Night Warrior, revenge made flesh, but now with that one shallow cut, she felt suddenly, horribly alive again.

Which is???????? I don’t even know, given that the book itself shows Tyrande is clearly feeling, and not simply anger. How isn’t she, when you have Thrall himself notice her pain for Teldrassil never left, that is is as fresh as when the World Tree burned?

I think the pleading her for mercy, specially coming from Shandris, could be valid. I think Shandris showing concern that Tyrande is losing the softer side of her would be very valid, if it was coherent with what we saw of Tyrande so far speaking of it also. Speaking to her, asking her to look at things as a priestess, to remember how compassionate she was, would all be very valid; I just think this wasn���t the situation to do it, not how it was done, and not with the previous scene. Towards someone different, I may agree, but Sira has plenty of crimes of her own, beyond the fate she didn’t chose, and to say Tyrande’s decision here accounts for her loss of compassion doesn’t seem fitting at all, specially when the other scene has her willing to talk to a representative of the Horde and accept his offer of justice (no matter how much I disagree with that). 

In spite of it, she shows herself very much capable of mercy still, and doesn’t strike Sira down. Again, her attitude is not that of one lost to a dark path of vengeance; she heeds those that are with her and ask her to be compassionate, even if her first impulse is not to be. She allows Shandris to take away her weapon, and ultimately turns away from the prisoner. 

And given there is reason for her to feel about Sira as she does, I don’t know to which point her reaction can be blamed on her being the Night Warrior. Maiev remembers her compassion, in that scene, but forgets her ruthlessness; Tyrande has never hesitated to shed blood, specially in defense of her people or commitment to the course of action she believes right. 

#* general: headcanons / WHO TELLS YOUR STORY? #* character study: tyrande whisperwind / MOON SOAKED AND DAWN FLAVORED. #* muse: tyrande whisperwind / MOONLIGHTED. #sr spoilers #long post cw #I think everything I wanted to say is here? both in regards to how I feel about it and how I understand Tyrande in those scenes? #I think? #kajfdjndskf #I threw this on docs to see how long it is #it was like 9 pages with times new roman 12 kjasndkjnasdkfn #I don't like maiev in the second scene :c

[officialyourdailyinspiration]

Watching With Christ

by Joseph A. Alexander

"Then He came the third time and said to them, 'Are you still sleeping and resting? It is enough! The hour has come; behold, the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners.' " - Mark 14:41

I am afraid that there are men--and Christian men!--who can allow themselves the pitiable luxury of weeping over fiction but who have no tears to shed with Jesus in Gethsemane. They regard it as a waste of time to dwell upon the circumstantial statements of the gospel, which cannot be reduced to abstract, systematic form. Or, at best, they are contented with a cold, dry knowledge of the facts related. They do not regard it as a matter of feeling; they would be ashamed to do so. I speak the experience of some who hear me. But ought this so to be? We must go back to the simple faith and feelings of our childhood. We must, at least in this respect, become little children. Those same imaginations, which have so often been the ministers of sin, must be used for better purposes. By their aid we must stand on Olivet and Gethsemane, mix with the rabble which surrounds the master, hear the deep imprecation of the Roman soldier and the louder curses of the Jewish mob, follow them to the house of the High Priest and the Pretorium, look at the false Procurator as he dooms the innocent and vainly tries to wash the blood away with water. But I need not go further. Fix your thoughts, I pray you, on these scenes as real scenes, and try to see and hear as if the sights and sounds were present to your senses. Having so done, let us gather from this night scene in Gethsemane the lessons which it teaches for our own instruction.

The first is, that the Son of Man may even now be betrayed into the hands of sinners. Men are apt to imagine that had they lived in the time of Christ, they would not thus and thus have treated him. This is, for the most part, mere illusion. They who hate Christ now would have hated him then. They who despise him unseen would have spurned him to his face. They who now maltreat his members would have persecuted him. This is a test proposed by Christ himself. That which is done to the humblest of his followers, as such, is done to him. The interests of Christ's church are the interests of Christ. The enemies of Christ's church are the enemies of Christ. Even in our own day Christ may be betrayed. He may be betrayed by his own disciples. He may be betrayed with a kiss. For such treason the ungodly world is waiting. There are always sinners to receive him at the traitor's hands and pay the traitor's wages.

He can no longer be betrayed by the delivery of his person into hostile hands. But the disposition to surrender him to enemies may still exist--a disposition to procure the favor of the world at his expense. In short, the same state of feeling may now operate in various directions and in various forms which, if the Saviour were now present upon earth, would cause him to be first forsaken, then betrayed.

In this sense, for example, it may well be said that the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners when the truth respecting him is given up to errorists, or cavillers [quibblers], or infidels; when his divinity is called in question; when his eternal Sonship is degraded or denied; when the sinless perfection of his human nature is tainted by the breath of dubious speculation; when his atonement is disfigured and perverted; when the value of his cross and bloody passion is depreciated; when his place in the system of free grace is taken from him and bestowed on something else; when the purchase of his agonies is made to be the purchase of our own good works; when faith in him as a means of salvation is exchanged for mere submission to the government of God; when his present existence, as a man, is forgotten; when his personal presence, as a God, is overlooked; when his exaltation and his future coming are lost sight of by his people. By conceding so much to the unbeliever we betray the Saviour to him, to be buffeted and spit upon.

To mention only one other example: Christ is betrayed into the hands of sinners when his gospel is perverted, his example dishonored, and himself represented as the minister of sin. The honor of the Saviour is in some sense committed to the care of his disciples. And this sacred trust is shamefully betrayed when they give the world occasion, in despising them, to treat their master with contempt. O Christian! Have you ever thought that every inconsistent and unworthy act of yours is one step towards betraying Him whom you profess to love? And if, while you thus habitually act, you hold fast your profession, it is only adding the betrayer's kiss to the betrayer's perfidy. My first remark, then, is that even now the Son of Man may be betrayed into the hands of sinners.

Another thought which I suggest is, that when the cause of Christ is about to be betrayed into the hands of sinners, his disciples are to watch--to watch unto prayer--lest they enter into temptation. This is incumbent upon all disciples, but especially on some. And among those there is many a bold, self-trusting Peter, and many a Boanerges. Those who are office-bearers in the Church are the honored but responsible companions of their Master in the day of trial. He asks not for the exertion of their strength in his behalf. He asks not for their sympathy. He asks not for their prayers. But he does demand their vigilance. When he looks upon the purchase of his blood spoiled and ravaged by the enemy, his little flock pursued and torn by wolves, his vineyard spoiled and trodden by wild beasts, the great Intercessor pours out his own cries and tears before the Father. And although he says no more "My soul is exceeding sorrowful, even unto death," he does say to you and me, "Tarry ye here and watch with me."

Another thought, and that a melancholy one, is that when Christ's disciples are thus left to watch while he is interceding with the Father, they too often fall asleep. Some, in the touching language of the gospel, may be "sleeping for sorrow." But oh, how many others sleep for sloth and sheer indifference! And if any sleep for sorrow, they do wrong. For when our Saviour found his chosen friends asleep upon their post, he aroused them and reproached them with that mild expostulation, "Could ye not watch with me one hour?" He said, indeed, as if to extenuate their guilt, that the spirit was willing though the flesh was weak. But even admitting what is commonly supposed--that flesh and spirit here mean soul and body--it does not follow that their slumber was excusable. Christ would not repeatedly have roused them from an innocent and necessary slumber. Much less was it excusable if, as some excellent interpreters have thought, spirit here means the better principle, the new heart, and flesh the remnant of indwelling sin. If this be so, it was hardness of heart and spiritual sloth that made them sleep for sorrow.

Oh, my brethren! If your hearts are full of sorrow because men make void God's law, it is no time for you to sleep! The Church, Christ's weeping bride, and the dying souls of men are at your pillow, shrieking in your ears, like the shipmaster in the ears of Jonah, "What meanest thou, O sleeper? Arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not." But alas! This warning voice is often heard in vain. Amidst a world lying in wickedness, amidst the untold miseries produced by sin, amidst the dying agonies of unsaved souls as they go down to their perdition, amidst the fierce attacks of open enemies upon the Son of Man and the devices of false followers to betray him to those enemies, his friends--his chosen friends--sleep on.

#Watching With Christ #Mark 14:41 #Joseph A. Alexander #devotional reading

[tempthornton]

😴 - have you ever given up on a blog and regretted it?😘 - what charectors are you currently writing?😫 - do you prefer fluff, angst, or smut?

Okay, time to sit down for a long post, doing these out of order cause... I got a list:

have you ever given up on a blog and regretted it?

I don’t really ‘give up’ on blogs. I might not be active with them, but I never give them up. The few I’ve had to delete were crackpot ideas I didn’t get to really start. I have a lots of characters, but my characters never vanish. I might have someone I wrote about once and three years later I’ll be like ‘oh! I have lore now to back this character up. Part of that is what happened with Temperance. I wanted a witch from Drustvar and started to make her. But then I made another character who took my interest and Temp was put on the side until inspiration hit.

With Shadowlands coming and the fact that Drust magic is necromantic I thought I would mix one of my favorite books series as a child to reinspire me to play Temperance. So far it’s working. It also helps I have some amazing RP friends who want to meet my innocent witch. I find if I have at least a friend or two who want to play with a character the character stays as a more active blog.

do you prefer fluff, angst, or smut?

Ummmm.... All but with different reasons. I love me some good fluff because it helps give my character times to lick their wounds. Angst is fun if I want to torture a character. Like Temperance with her crush on Laurent is all me wanting to have some angst with her, Son’Ispa, and Alexander. As for smut... I have Quin for that. Quin is my hypersexual, bi to pansexual, Dom. He’s just, just the most controlled asshole I have and man he makes writing smut fun. I don’t write smut publically and I’ll only write smut with people I know well. It’s not something I do all the time though since sex gets really boring to write if that’s all you write, but I am always good for some foreplay scenes with him and his soulmate. They are my OTP and I will never change my mind about that.

what characters are you currently writing?

*cracks knuckles cause this is going to take a bit* I play the following characters. Complete with their Tumblr names:

Malura Underchild: @maluraunderchild

Mal is my oldest WoW character, before warcraft, she was a D&D character. Malura is a half high elf Timewalker and she has done everything. The last ten years in game playing her I have had her living with the Forsaken, being a soldier, being a ranger, living with the Tauren, she was a spy, a political manipulator, a leader, and just so much more. She’s really got a lot of baggage but she plays stuff off because if she focuses on it for too long... she realizes just how messed up her life as been. But Mal will always be my main, I might not play her as much, but she’s always in my heart.

Earl Darsa Carrington: @darsacarrington

Darsa is my loud mouth half Gilnean half Lordaeronian noble. More he’s a lord of Lordaeron but his dad’s family is Gilnean. He’s a giant of a man but has a heart of silver. Darsa used to be a drug dealer until a lot of stuff happened, he found out he was a noble woman’s bastard and now has an island outside of Tirisful Glades that lets Forsaken and humans live together. He’s also a monster hunter and wants to give monsters the option of a place to live if they won’t kill people outright.

Duchess Alle Beithloch: @allebeithloch

Alle... oh Alle. Alle is based on the Grimm’s Fairytale ‘Of All Kinds of Fur’, or as I lovingly call her ‘a Lovecraft Disney Princess’. She’s a very careful woman and has her Duchy as a haven for people who can’t fit in with the Alliance. There’s a lot of homebrew lore I use for her and I normally try to warn people before they RP with her. But if you ever need something for a storyline, Alle might have it. Her family specializes in making deals, but everything you ask for will come with a price. It might be as simple as a strand of hair, or your firstborn child, you’re never going to know with this woman. I am not including them separately, but Alle lives with 10+ sayaad who she considers her family. The woman has a soft spot for monsters and demons.

Quin: @subjectragnar

Quin is going to be going through some changes this year. With Shadowlands coming he’s about to find out some stuff about how he was born. Quin was an experiment by a select group of Kirin Tor, the experiment that made him ‘failed’ and as the product of the experiment he was banished and sentenced to death as a baby. His adopted father a then High Elf found him starving in the streets of Dalaran. Quin is something most mages fear though, he’s a black hole for all magics if your skin touches his skin your magic is negated for as long as he is touching you. It’s a big boon for him but he’s always seen it as a curse. Instead of using magic to solve his problems he became an engineer and after some really messed up stuff, Quin also became a serial killer who targets slavers and other horrible people of the world. I always joke Quin is what would happen if Batman and Jigsaw had an anti-magic baby. He’s really on the top of my list as one of my favorite characters though... And he’s half of my favorite OTP with him and his soulmate Alice ( @alas-ward)

Lorcan Beithioch: @lorcanbeithioch

Lorcan is Alle’s distant cousin. Yes they have really similar names, I messed up naming Alle at first and decided when I made some extended family for her that they would have the correct name. Lorcan is my Drustvar witch... the one who distracted me from Temperance. Lorcan is more on the Drust side, he’s paraplegic and uses Drust constructs to walk. He’s a bit of a savage, but his family is all like that. They’re not... normal and are very tribal in their thinking. For the last 100 years, they were preparing for a massive face-off with another family, now that they don’t have to worry about that anymore Lorcan’s clan has been relaxing and trying to reconnect to their noble cousins. Lorcan is also Olivia Lovecraft ( @olivia-lovecraft)’s biological cousin and Lorcan is very devoted to keeping his newfound family safe. This includes his soulmate @vermilion-valentine who is right now a ghost after being murdered in front of him. Lorcan actually feels the pain of her being dead, but he’s working on getting her a new body so they can be together again.

Lord Anthion Soulshade: @anthionsoulshade

Oh Anthion. Okay, Anthion is my grumpy vampire. Unless someone else plays a san’layn or other vampiric creature I normally keep him away from people. He has very limited morals and only cares about a few things. 1. His mate Alle Beithloch. 2. His children Quin and Alice 3...... nothing else. If your character is an enemy of the people he loves, he won’t think twice about trying to hurt people. Hence I keep him away from most RPers. Now, after that disclaimer, Anthion is a massive homebody and a bit of a grump. He’s undead but has a love of beautiful things and loves being around clever people (At least clever people who don’t insult him). He loves to cook, even if he can’t eat and he would be a psychologist in our world. His old experiments were studying the mind and seeing how it could heal or be broken. Now he supports Alle while pretending to be a void elf in the Alliance.

Dr. Carl Krogen: @carlkrogen

Technically one of my ‘newer’ characters Carl is loosely based on the Hellboy character Karl Kroenen. Carl is a relic hunter who is searching for immortality. After the fall of Lordaeroon he had a mental breakdown and started to have horrible survivor’s guilt. Being a skilled doctor he replaced his heart for health reasons and slowly made himself look undead. He’s not actually Forsaken but he looks like one and lives between the factions working for whoever will pay him the best. He’s currently dating Olivia Lovecraft and I am all down for this ship cause romantic immortality is so freaking adorable.

Isola Dia: @goddessinthemachine

Isola’s real name is The Machine. She’s one of Anthion’s experiments who... well her greatest wish was to become a god. She now lives as a living island in an undisclosed location and I originally made her be able to stop Quin if he went off the rails. Well people saved Quin and made him his vigilante self and Machine was given a body that looks like a living person. She’s been using it to travel the world and collect any technology she can so she can integrate it into her larger body. She’s a fun romp into me figuring out how someone would act if they believed they were a god, and Isola also scratches my H.R Giger love... cause she’s basically body and cosmic horror.

Temperance Thornton: @tempthornton

.... I almost forgot to write down Temperance. I don’t think I need to make too many introductions, but, Temperance was me watching Penny Dreadful and saying ‘it would be funny if the demon possessing the girl was just protective but still a monster’. Son’Ispa was made to be Temperance’s ‘guardian’ and I built up a few other cast of characters that might one day get their own blogs. Like Alexander, a void entity stuck in a human body? It just sounds like so much fun to write. I love it when big horrific monsters have to be human. It just makes me smile.

I have a lot of other characters I play, but these are the ones with blogs. I am debating about making Malura’s future boyfriend a blog, but I’m still feeling that out.

((Thanks for the ask @jacobdcheshyre))

[daresplaining]

What If? Daredevil Vs. Elektra

    I have been meaning to write a full post about this chilling alternate universe, and Halloween seemed like the perfect time to do so. With the success and popularity of Spider-Gwen’s Hand ninja Matt Murdock, it can be easy to forget that he is not the only one. The first story of a Matt whose life took a darker and more ninja-y path was told in the one-shot What If? Daredevil Vs. Elektra, which is a chilling tale of murder, regret, and painful memories that won’t stay buried. 

    The story is told from the point of view of Elektra Natchios, agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. who, in the midst of a successful career in espionage, is forced to face again a traumatic event from her past-- a hostage situation in college, in which her boyfriend tried to rescue her and was killed. 

[ID: A flashback to Columbia University, Elektra’s origin story. Cops outside a building shoot into an upper window.]

Cops: “They’re killing the hostages! Wait... what’s that? I can see something... Yeah, a clear shot, and I’m taking it...”

Elektra: “Matt!”

[ID: Young Matt Murdock gets shot multiple times. Young Elektra kneels on the floor, holding his body in her arms.]

    It’s a memory she has learned to live with, a little piece of trauma she has long since buried, but then, suddenly, people around her start dying. She and her fellow agents begin to investigate scenes of carnage, carried out with terrifying stealth and skill by an unknown enemy. 

[ID: The Kingpin’s office, chaos. The Kingpin sits at his desk while a ninja in red clothes and a devil mask fights Bullseye. The ninja slices Bullseye’s head off with his sword and then advances on the Kingpin.]

Elektra (off-panel): “His bodyguards slaughtered upfront, Fisk’s personal assassin... Poindexter... Bullseye... whatever they called him... was the Kingpin’s only prayer.”

    Elektra, horrified but still clueless about how this connects to her buried memory at this point, investigates further. Her character development is an interesting variation in this universe, which presents a fairly clear-cut role switch between she and Matt. Her experience in college was painful, and her career as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent has given her a fairly jaded view of life and people, but she has retained some of the optimism and naivete that was snuffed out in the 616 universe by her father’s death. Elektra wants to see justice done, even if the only people so far killed have been dangerous criminals. She asks around, and eventually finds a surprisingly informed old blind man in a bar. 

[ID: A bar. Stick is playing pool and talking to Elektra, who is dressed in a black coat and red head scarf.]

Stick: “Ever heard of the Hand?”

Elektra: “As in ‘talk to’?”

Stick: “You’re a barrel, too, y’know that? The Hand. Corrupted ninja order. Heirs to the Beast. Intent on infiltrating the empires of man. In other words-- one bad outfit. Their current leader, ‘the Advocate’, is a servant turned master. He uses a unique approach to taking out his foes. He finds a discontented underling, exploits their dissatisfaction, nurtures it into betrayal... then attacks from within.”

Elektra: “Very Hong Kong triple-feature, old man. How does it connect to Fisk’s murder?”

Stick: “The Kingpin’s lawyer. Talk to him. And while you’re at it, talk to your boss... he just might help you find another blind guy whose kung fu is better than yours...”

    It doesn’t take Elektra long to find the Kingpin’s lawyer, Foggy Nelson. She discovers him sitting alone in his apartment, a bitter shell of the Foggy we know in the 616 universe. Losing Matt hit him hard, and-- as is true in several other alternate universes as well-- sent his life into a tailspin. 

[ID: Flashbacks from Foggy’s life: in the library with Matt in college, Foggy sitting at a desk in the Kingpin’s office, a body (Ben Urich) with a bag over its head, Foggy defending the Kingpin in court.]

Foggy (off-panel): “The two of us had high hopes... aspirations. We were gonna open our own practice once we passed the bar... and change the world, or what little of it we could. Funny how life goes. After law school I could barely pay back my student loan. I was desperate for money. Fisk made me an offer I would have been an idiot to refuse. A six-figure retainer. When he was on trial a few years back for placing a hit on Bugle reporter Ben Urich... having an honest, decent man shot dead... body dumped like trash... I fought for his freedom like my life depended on it. Probably did. In the end, it was the judge who’d been bought, but I was party to it. My life had become a sick joke.”

    He is bitter with regret and disgusted by the person he has become. He admits to Elektra that he was the weak link in the Kingpin’s organization-- the person indirectly responsible for his murder. He also gives her the name of the man who did the deed-- the Advocate-- along with some terrifying news: that  his next target is S.H.I.E.L.D. Sure enough, ninjas attack one of the helicarriers shortly afterward, killing Nick Fury and many of Elektra’s other friends and co-workers. Elektra realizes what she is up against. She realizes who she is up against. The Hand have brought Matt back from the dead and turned him into a killer, and she has to do something about it. 

    Elektra returns to Stick. She trains with him, attempting to prepare herself to face the Hand. When Stick suddenly vanishes, Elektra takes things into her own hands. She takes the name Sai and forms the new Chaste (one of my favorite alternate universe teams). They prepare to attack the Hand at their home base, and finish things once and for all. 

[ID: Elektra, now dressed in her 616-verse red outfit, addresses a group of other heroes: this universe’s versions of Wolverine, Black Widow, Power Man, Iron Fist, Echo, and Silver Samurai.]

Elektra: “Our differences may be many, but we share common ground. Each of us has lost someone... something... to the Hand. We are now the Chaste. The only ones who can stand against them. This is how we go in...”

Caption: “Old names forsaken, each member of this new order of seven took on another one to signify rebirth-- Claw. Sting. Stone. Flame. Seer. Sword. Sai. Woe to the Devil and evil men.”

    This comic is relentless in its carnage, which feels exactly right for the flavor of the story it is telling. When the new Chaste storm the Hand’s headquarters, Elektra discovers that Stick is dead. Matt has killed his first teacher, and Elektra knows she is out of options. She has to stop Matt herself. 

[ID: In the Hand’s fortress. Elektra has discovered Stick’s severed head.]

Elektra: “Stick... teacher, I’m sorry... you were right. Time to grow up.”

    She seeks him out. Of course, he is expecting her. 

[ID: The Hand’s fortress. Elektra approaches Matt from behind. He is dressed in a red ninja outfit but without a mask. His eyes are an unnatural red. Elektra has her sai; Matt is holding a gun.]

Elektra: “I’m here to stop you.”

Matt: “From doing what? Bringing order to chaos? Imagine these widowmakers without my guidance. You’re still holding onto the ideals of youth. Your father raised you in a sheltered, protected bubble allowing you limited contact with the rest of the world. Clouded your thoughts with fairy tale notions of ‘good’ and ‘evil’. Isn’t that why you hate him? You know this world is a savage garden. Beauty in duality. Good and evil intertwine like copulating serpents. Indistinguishable. It’s not worth saving because there’s nothing to save.”

    Here, we see the other half of the role switch. Reanimated Matt is brainwashed, and that is part of it, but his words have the feeling of a deeply ingrained truth. His existence has been nothing but pain. An attempt at heroism cost him his life, and since he has been back, all he has seen is the worst of people. His words echo 616-verse Elektra’s mindset in the wake of her father’s murder-- that the world is a cold and uncaring place and all one can do is attempt to survive in it as best one can. And like 616 Matt in the equivalent situation, Elektra is horrified to see what has become of the hopeful, caring person she knew in college. 

    They fight, and Elektra realizes the inevitable-- there is no saving Matt. And she is Elektra, no matter the universe, and so finds the strength to do the deed. 

[ID: Elektra shoots a bullet past Matt’s head. He drops to his knees, his hands pressed to his ears in pain.]

Caption: “The gun is S.H.I.E.L.D. ordinance... with a built-in sonic disruptor. It sends the Advocate’s senses into overdrive.”

[ID: Elektra draws her sai and stabs him through the chest.]

[ID: Matt lies, dying, on the ground. His eyes now look normal. Elektra kneels beside him.]

Matt: “Elektra...?”

Elektra: “Matt...?”

Matt: “Terrorists... taken care of... you and... your father... safe?”

Elektra: “Yes, darling... we’re safe... we’re safe.”

    It’s a beautiful little one-shot, bloody and tragic and poetic as the best Elektra and Matt comics are. I’m sure I’ll discuss it again, but for now, I wanted to give it the attention it deserves as an important alternate universe story and a compelling re-exploration of Matt and Elektra’s relationship. 

#What If? #Elektra Natchios #Daredevil #Matt Murdock #Commentary

[bisexualsharpay]

hang all the mistletoe (i’m gonna get to know you better)

Sharpay has never hated Christmas before. In fact, she has always loved it. She has always loved the glitters and the lights, the festive music, the extravagant family gatherings.

However, right now, she hates the holiday. And it’s all Ryan’s fault.

What was he thinking, throwing a Christmas bash at their house, when she’s home? Where all the Wildcats are present?

She can’t deny that she still feels betrayed that Ryan befriended all of her enemies and that she still holds grudge against every single one of her classmates who stole her precious musical and talent show. So, Ryan inadvertently forcing her to be chummy with them is her worst nightmare.

The thing she wants most this Christmas is to be holed up in her own room watching It’s A Wonderful Life, but she also can’t not show her face. She can’t let them win.

As such, she finds herself sulking in a corner of the living room, staring at her brother, who is dancing surrounded by a throng of basketball boys.

At least he’s having a good Christmas, she thinks with a scoff.

“Sharpay!”

Sharpay blinks out the daze she didn’t realize she was in and turns to her right, feeling her heart do a little jump, probably out of pure hatred, when her light brown eyes meet Gabriella Montez’s dark ones.

Gabriella’s eyes are alight with excitement and Sharpay can’t help but feel that dread that she always feels when the girl is around. With what she hopes is a look of disdain, Sharpay glances her over. She’s wearing a green dress, adorned by a long golden necklace, and her lips are shimmering with a hint of lipgloss. There’s also a bow in her long, flowing locks, which makes Sharpay rolls her eyes inwardly.

Why does she always have to be so damn cutesy?

Putting on the fakest smile she can muster, Sharpay curtly states, “Gabriella.”

Gabriella puts her arms forward, her beverage almost spilling over the rim of her red cup, before quickly putting them down again and smiling awkwardly.

Sharpay’s eyes widen in response. Was Gabriella about to hug her? The nerve.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Gabriella states and Sharpay rolls her eyes as she crosses her arms over her chest.

“In case you hadn’t noticed, I live here.”

Gabriella’s smile falls in response to Sharpay’s rude tone, and a voice in the back of her head tells Sharpay that her response was unnecessary, that Gabriella was just trying to be civil, but she pushes those thoughts away.

She doesn’t get it. Gabriella is always so keen on being near her, trying to become her friend, even despite their tumultuous history, and it annoys Sharpay. Why can’t she just stay away, so that Sharpay doesn’t have to feel that annoying flip of her stomach every time she’s near?

“Well, it’s great to see you anyway,” Gabriella says, a lot more softly now, with a polite nod, before turning around, obviously getting the message that Sharpay isn’t interested in a further conversation. However, before she can walk away and Sharpay can let out a breath of relief, Chad Danforth has suddenly appeared before her, a curious Ryan and Troy trailing behind him.

“Oh no, you’re not walking away, Gabs,” he says, before pointing to the ceiling and both Gabriella’s and Sharpay’s eyes widen immeasurably as they look at the small green plant hanging over them.

Mistletoe.

“Well, let’s not break tradition, shall we? What are you waiting for?” Chad says impatiently as two different shades of brown meet in panic and a mutual understanding that neither wants to do this.

“I didn’t know you were so traditional, Danforth,” Sharpay snaps in an attempt to keep her cool.

Her words make Chad scoff in amusement as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Evans, must I remind you that my love for traditions and norms almost saved your ass in the winter musical? Now kiss Gabriella.”

Kiss Gabriella.

Somehow, that thought makes Sharpay’s heart thump loudly in her chest, likely due to disgust. She’s absolutely not going to do this.

However, when she refocuses her attention on Gabriella, she sees the brunette sneaking a glance at Troy, who is looking at her with those forsaken puppy dog eyes, and Sharpay’s resolution not to let this happen at any cost flies out of the metaphorical window.

If she’s going to be miserable, she might as well take Gabriella and Troy down with her, she reasons.

However, that’s not why she actually does it. It’s not her desire to make her foes miserable that pushes her to go through with it, but it’s the moment when Gabriella glances back at her, the hesitation in her eyes slowly morphing into something curious and determined, as if she… wants this.

Does Sharpay want this too? She doesn’t know, but she’s tired of waiting, tired of thinking. Thus, she doesn’t think twice, closing her eyes as she leans down slightly and agonizingly slowly, their faces inches apart. Just before she closes the distance between their lips, Sharpay’s eyes open again, nearly gasping as she sees the light shining in Gabriella’s wide eyes.

There’s something ethereal about the girl, but there’s also something dangerous, something that tells Sharpay that this is a mistake, that she’s going to regret this.

So, instead of kissing Gabriella’s lips, she quickly moves and presses her lips to her cheek quickly, before pulling away.

“There, Danforth. Happy now?”

Chad purses his lips in contemplation, before nodding. “It’s technically a kiss.”

“Glad to have your approval,” she says sarcastically. “Now, it’s been fun, but I need the restroom. Toodles.”

With that, she flees the scene, her head held high.

And while she walks away, she tries to ignore the even louder drumming of the organ in her chest, and the way her lips tingle, and the memory of how soft Gabriella’s cheek was, and how she can feel Gabriella’s thoughtful gaze follow her every move.

–

It’s been hours, and Sharpay hasn’t been able to push away the memory of Gabriella and that kiss.

And her eyes, oh god, her eyes.

Does she… like Gabriella? There’s no way

Still, that kiss has planted a seed of doubt and it’s a thought that she can’t handle, so instead, she decides to entertain herself with the attention that Zeke Baylor thrusts upon her.

It’s wrong to lead him on like this, she knows that, but she finds that she doesn’t care. She’d do anything not to be constantly reminded of Gabriella.

However, she finds that she can’t avoid Gabriella. She feels her eyes on her all night, and she spends the entire evening in dread of the eventual moment when Gabriella will confront her and she’ll have to face the feelings that the kiss evoked in her.

The dreaded encounter happens when Zeke removes his arms from her waist to get her a drink.

He’s only been gone two seconds when the smell of Gabriella’s sweet perfume evades her senses.

“Hi.”

Sharpay raises an eyebrow as she lets out a sigh, crossing her arms over her chest as she looks at Gabriella in what she hopes is a casually disdainful manner. “Are you stalking me now?”

Gabriella laughs nervously as she fiddles with her hands. “No, I just… I don’t know. I guess I wanted to talk about what happened earlier.”

“It was a kiss on the cheek. It’s fine. Who cares?”

Of course, Sharpay cares. But Gabriella doesn’t have to know that.

Gabriella blinks, as if startled at Sharpay’s curt reply, before biting her lip and nodding. “Yeah, fine.”

There’s something in her eyes, though. Something akin to… disappointment?

That thought makes Sharpay’s heart flutter for some reason.

“So… Is that it?” Sharpay asks, and that thoughtful look appears on Gabriella’s features again as she narrows her eyes slightly.

They stand there for a moment, silently staring at another, and Sharpay feels that flutter again as she sees that sparkle from earlier reappears in Gabriella’s gaze, something unspoken hanging between them.

It’s like Gabriella is calling to her, seducing her with those glimmering eyes, and this time, Sharpay is unable to refuse.

It happens in a daze, as if in slow motion. Just like before, they both start leaning in slowly, and Sharpay’s hands fall to Gabriella’s hips as Gabriella grabs Sharpay’s shoulders. As their lips are about to meet, they look into each other’s eyes again, and this time, a look of understanding passes between them.

It’s okay. They feel the same way. They don’t have to fight this.

Slowly, Gabriella captures Sharpay’s lips with her own, both of them letting out a sigh as they melt into the kiss. Gabriella’s lips are even sweeter and smoother than her cheek, and Sharpay’s entire body is alive with butterflies and sparks, her heart beating faster than ever before.

This shouldn’t feel this right. But it does. Oh, it does.

The kiss feels like it lasts an eternity, and it’s still over way too soon.

As they pull away, both of their faces are flushed and the look in Gabriella’s eyes is brighter and softer than ever before.

And as Gabriella’s lips curl up into a soft, tender smile, Sharpay can’t help but return it and allow herself to fall in love a little.

“Merry Christmas, Sharpay.”

Suddenly, this is the best Christmas she’s ever had.

#high school musical #gabriella montez #sharpay evans #gabriella x sharpay #fanfiction #mine: fanfiction #mine #surprise! i wrote the gabpay mistletoe fic anyway! #merry christmas to those who celebrate!!!

[lyresnake]

Lethal Protector Audiobook: The Saga Continues (It Does In Fact Ramp Up)

In case anyone happens to be interested in my further thoughts on the Lethal Protector Audiobook, put out by Graphic Audio. I haven’t quite finished it yet, but I have uh, enough thoughts that they might warrant their own post.

Pleasant surprises abound: Eddie’s actor’s hushed and perhaps slightly awed tone when the symbiote tells him he’s strong enough to fight his way out of the sonic prison without their help is weirdly endearing.

Getting to that one cool part of the novel I’ve heard about where Donna Diego bonds to the Scream symbiote. I have heard it is quite romantic...

O///////O;;;

Oh, uh, well then.

That said, Donna’s actress does sound very lovely as Scream. She’s also, er, how to phrase this delicately, very enthusiastic when emoting nonverbally during the aforementioned scene.

Right, moving on.

I’m a little thrown that Peter seems to be completely unaware of the concept of a distraction, as he acts weirdly surprised that Scream would try and throw a kid through a plate glass window so she could run away while Peter is busy saving him.

On a side note, I wonder if that nameless teenager now has an adorable Spider-Man puppy crush. Godspeed, nameless teenager who nearly died for an Instagram video, I hope one day you find a cute boyfriend who enjoys cosplay.

I seriously have no idea what they’re using for the Foley for Spider-Man’s footsteps/wall crawling. Something scratchy, like sandpaper on concrete. Really, it sounds very weird.

Interesting that Peter automatically assumes that Donna has just completely forsaken clothing upon bonding with a symbiote. Isn’t that generalizing?

No seriously, she’s walking with a group of other people and he assumes that they’re all wearing normal uniforms but that her street clothes are made of symbiote? Why would you think this, Peter?? Are you imagining it, you weirdo???

Who am I kidding, she probably has forsaken clothes already.

There is still too much Peter in this.

Though the narrative does set him up for mockery by making him spectacularly blow his cover for the sake of a one-liner. I wonder if he realizes the symbiote actually does have pretty consistent taste in men?

Eddie’s actor sounds appropriately grief-stricken when they’re prying off the symbiote. Also of note, the desperate flailing noises the symbiote makes when they’re watching the sort-of-potentially-dead Eddie from the Evil Jar. Ah, l’amour. <3

Also on a bizarre side note, while fussing with a fanfic, I apparently managed to hit on what Tuck thinks it feels like to be forcibly separated from a symbiote. Namely that it feels like being flayed alive. The descriptions of this are weirdly decadent. Mr. Tuck, do you have something to share with the class?

On that topic, Local Man Continues to Scream While Being Tortured.

Huh, Eddie pulls off a “playing possum” gambit and a “pretending to be hurt to get close to your enemy before stabbing them with Chekov’s Scalpel” in succession. I’m actually impressed. He also managed to compliment the symbiote when it wasn’t even there. He sounded so affectionate despite the context. I may cry.

Also the Chekov’s Scalpel bit reads really well with the addition of the voice actor heroically gasping and pretending to struggle. “Oh no these horrible sonic guns are the one thing that can hurt my other--WHICH IN CASE YOU FORGOT YOU PEELED OUT OF ME 30 MINUTES AGO, GENIUSES”. Maybe the symbiote really did upgrade. Or they left Eddie with their one collective brain cell.

Another scene which is helped by the addition of sound effects: completely naked Eddie being simultaneously punched by the Life Foundation Quintuplets. It’s actually hilarious. It sounds like something out of Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

I am a tad disappointed we don’t live in a universe where the Quintuplets decide to bail back to papa and Eddie takes his spouse and kitten basket of good children and they move into an an apartment and spend their days eating rats in the walls and chewing on furniture. Peter would have an aneurysm.

Oh, it’s the reunion scene! Eddie’s actor really nails “rumbly but quietly emotional” with his “Did you miss me?” line. Be still my heart. The narrator is giving his all with regards to breathlessly describing their mutual, overpowering longing and the tube touching--

--and now there is softly swelling, strumming guitar music. Over descriptions of them pressing their hands/tentacles against the glass like they’re Kirk and Spock. You know, in case it wasn’t totally clear it was That Kind of Scene. I was not actually expecting that. Bless you, sound mixer, A+ a very enjoyable amount of Gay.

FYI Peter and MJ’s emotional gooey phone call scene from near the beginning of the novel does not appear to warrant the Prominent Strumming Guitars. Well played, Graphic Audio.

SDKFJKFJDKFJ DONNA REALLY WASN’T WEARING ANY CLOTHES

#venom #symbrock #lethal protector novel #the subplot with treese and the gold also continues

[3195c]

Scott Snyder On ‘Death Of The Family': ‘It’s A Love Letter To Batman From The Joker’

2012.11.29

ComicsAlliance: With the clean break that you got from the New 52 relaunch, was there ever a desire to completely reinvent the Joker when you brought him back?

Scott Snyder : It’s interesting because I feel like he’s a character that you do reinvent every time that you take him on as a new writer. There wasn’t really an impulse to change his origin, whatever that origin may be, or reinvent him physically in a huge way — at least on my part. But there was the idea that if we took him on, I wanted to have a really specific take on him that was different than what Grant [Morrison] had done with him or what Tony [Daniel] had done with him, or anybody else recently. There definitely is that impetus with a lot of these characters that if you’re going to take them on, you better have a way of doing it that’s going to be your own and different, or you might as well not touch them.

CA: One of the things that I noticed reading through “Death of the Family” so far is that he’s a very horror movie type of villain. He’s a very scary Joker.

SS : He is very scary.

CA: More than usual, which is quite a bit! Was that where you wanted to go with the Joker? Did you want to do a more horror-style take?

SS : Yeah. For me it’s less the idea of him being graphically horrific or explicitly horrific and more about being psychologically and emotionally horrific. I really got my first taste of writing him while I was working on Detective Comics , and I got to do an issue with him. In that issue, you can’t ever see his face. He’s restrained and he has a mask over his face, he can’t even move. So he doesn’t do anything like he does in our story now, he’s just kind of a voice in the dark, but writing him there was so exhilarating because he was so terrifying with the things he says to you.

I knew the take that I would have here was really that same kind of Joker unleashed. To me, what’s so scary about him isn’t even the physical things he would do — those are horrific too and there’s plenty of them coming in Batman — but it’s the fact that he seems to know your worst fears about yourself, and he knows how to convince you that they’re true. He can look at somebody like Harvey Bullock, and this is coming up in issue #15. He has a two-panel interaction with him, and the things he can say to Harvey can level Harvey and make him pause, this hardened cop, and not know what to do. Almost paralyze him with fear, but of himself. In that way, the Joker’s kind of the Devil’s tongue in our series. In that way, he’s very scary and horrific. He looks at Batman and says “I know what your worst fear is about yourself, and it’s true, and I’m here to deliver it and celebrate it with you.”

That fear is essentially in our story that deep down, what Batman wants is the Batman Family dead. It’s a really personal story. It’s probably the most personal story I’ve done so far at DC. As the father of young kids, the story comes from that kind of impulse where you wish for a moment that you could stop worrying about them and go back to the way it was before you had kids. Even though you love them to death and would never want to change the decisions you made to have them, you just wish you could have some refuge from two minutes from worrying about them. The Joker hears that. He says “I heard what you said, you want your family dead.” Batman’s like “No, I didn’t say that, I didn’t think that,” and the Joker says, “Yes you did, you just won’t admit it. I heard it in your head.”

He can read him that way, and in that way he’s deeply, deeply horrific and nightmarish. But I don’t think of him so much as a horror movie villain. He’s a force of primal horror.

CA: I’ve written before about how there’s a very strong family aspect right at the core of Batman, from his origin story to becoming this patriarch of this Batman Family. Obviously, the story’s called “Death of the Family,” so that seems to be the aspect you’re playing with. It’s really interesting that this is the source of weakness, that the family is Batman’s vulnerability.

SS : What the Joker does is he takes something you’re proud of about yourself and convinces you that your worst fears about it are true and that it’s a weakness. It’s the way he comes after every member of the Family in their respective books. He’ll come after Dick Grayson and essentially say, “Your problem is that you need people in your life. You’re weak because of that.” But that’s not really a weakness, that’s a strength of Dick Grayson: his sense of empathy and compassion and the friendships and relationships that he builds in his life. But the Joker’s very good at making you believe that that’s what makes you incapable of winning against him.

So what Joker’s saying here is, “You built this family and it will always cause you to lose. You can get ahead of me, you can catch me, but as long as I have Damian right here, or as long as I have Dick over here, I’ll always win. You’ll never beat me.” So it’s a weakness. But is it a weakness, or is it a sign of growth and maturity and strength? That’s the Joker’s game.

CA: The title being a reference to Batman: A Death in the Family stuck out as well along those same lines. We always sort of categorize that as “Batman’s greatest loss,” the death of the second Robin, Jason Todd. That’s the one time he loses.

SS : Right.

CA: Was that something you wanted to get back? This sense of Batman, this unstoppable crimefighter, being in danger of losing through his family?

SS : Very much. Part of the idea is that what Joker is saying is that as long as you love, as long as you love people in the world more than you love being Batman — and being Batman at its core, to the Joker, is about fighting him; it’s about being the Bat-King of Gotham with your enemies, who are really your allies who keep you strong; as the King, as long as you pretend that, you will always be vulnerable — you will always be weak, and you will always lose.

I really wanted to have this story where I go into Bruce’s emotional trajectory more deeply than in any other story. The way that he feels, what he says to Alfred. This is the one that, for me, is really cutting him as close to the bone as I can, personally. It’s supposed to be emotionally and psychologically harrowing for him from the word go, and the fact that Alfred’s missing and we don’t know what’s happening to him really cuts Batman’s nerves raw for every moment that this story goes on.

CA: Going back and reading through the story so far, it seems to be a grand tour of the Joker’s Greatest Hits. You’ve got the references to Death in the Family in the title; the setup involved references to The Man Who Laughs with the chemical factory and the reservoir; there was the awesome, super-creepy scene with Harley re-enacting the Red Hood story. What was the reason behind revisiting all of those elements?

SS : I wanted it to be a story where the Joker is forcing Batman down a twisted version of memory lane, saying, “I know you loved these adventures we had together.” In some ways, I’ve tried to play this idea of the Joker as Peter Pan a little bit. Even when he says, “Hello, darling,” the Darling family is the family in Peter Pan. He says in issue #13, “I’m knocking at your window looking for my old shadow.”

Really, what the Joker’s trying to say to him is that it was better before. “You were thrilled by me. You won’t admit it, but you love that I came along to help you be stronger, to fuel your fantasy, and you do that for me, too. Together, we’re more of a family than any of these people.” In that way, the trip down memory lane was really meant as a kind of love letter to Batman from the Joker, even though those things were inverted. He’s not really acting them out in the same way that he did those crimes the first time, he has these horrible twists on them.

And in having the horrible twists, he’s saying something to Batman, which is, “You have forsaken your own kingdom. It’s been rotting from the inside for the past couple of years, and I am here to be a corrective to that.” The reason the crimes are inverted is to show that this is the place where rivers run backwards and two-headed beasts are born, and the whole city is wrong because Batman essentially can’t man up and be the King he’s supposed to be, and admit that the people sitting at his table are a false royal court, convincing him that he’s human and tender and soft when he’s not. “You’re supposed to be sharp and strong, and that’s why I fell in love with you in the first place.”

CA: You talked about the relationship between Joker and Batman, and between Joker and Dick Grayson. How do you see him fitting in with the other characters? What are the views he has of them?

SS: I think he views them all with incredible disdain in general, just thinking that they have caused his king to become fat, soft and weak — in his opinion. Individually, I think he’s been accumulating ammunition against them for the past year. He’s seen everything that’s happened in their stories from offstage. There’s nobody that’s safe in any of those books from him coming after them. Individually, he can eyeball you for about a minute and figure out what you’re afraid of about yourself, so he’s coming after them with a very strong notion of each of them being a certain thing.

For Dick Grayson, again, it’s that his compassion is his weakness. For Damian, he really believes that his devotion to Batman as a child is this incredible vulnerability and weakness, and that he pulls Batman down by convincing him that he really loves some child who follows him around like a son.

For Batgirl, what he finds amusing about her, which you’ll see in Batgirl , is essentially that she considers herself a survivor and takes pride in that in some way. Whether he thinks she’s Barbara Gordon or not, that’s part of the mystery and I don’t want to give it away, but what he comes after her openly about is that there’s something worse in the surviving of a terrible incident, because you get to the other side and it’s supposed to be better, and he’s going to teach her how that’s so untrue.

Jason, of course, he obviously has a very, very personal history with. And Tim as well. He comes after them in a very intimate way. The idea is that he’s looked at them and found them wanting, and he has a very specific take on them that cuts to the heart of what they’re afraid of about themselves. The kind of challenges he’s going to throw their way and the kind of nightmares he’s going to put them through really are meant to speak to those fears immediately.

CA: What about Bruce Wayne?

SS: Well, Bruce Wayne is a whole other thing. It depends on what you believe. If you believe the Joker knows who they are and you believe that he’s coming after them because he’s figured it out, then he has very specific feelings about Bruce Wayne. On the other hand, if you believe Bruce, who says Joker can’t have figured it out, or that he won’t, or that he hasn’t figured it out for reasons that he’s still keeping close to his chest in some way, then you’d assume he has no feelings about Bruce Wayne, or very small feelings.

I’d say you have to wait and see with that one.

https://comicsalliance.com/batman-death-of-the-family-scott-snyder-interview/

#2012 #Scott Snyder #Greg Capullo #New 52 #Comic

[secretlyatargaryen]

The Strings of Those Who Came Before: An Analysis of Tyrion and Tywin as Rulers, Part 1 - Justice

Many times when people talk about Tyrion as a leader and a politician and tactician they talk about Tywin and Tywin’s influence, which makes sense because of course Tyrion is influenced by his father, but I do think people give too much credit to Tywin as a brilliant politician. I don’t think Tywin was as brilliant as a lot of people, both in universe and in the fandom, give him credit for. What he was good at was projecting his authority and giving plausible deniability to anything negative attached to him, because he was in a position of power and knew how to wield that power to his benefit. This makes people, often his children, believe that he was brilliant and always right because he was good at convincing people of his authority, like a lot of violent and manipulative men are.

Tyrion was influenced by his father, and most of that influence is negative because Tywin was awful and the most awful to Tyrion directly, and I’d argue that Tywin’s influence also had a bad affect on Tyrion as a ruler and that everything good that Tyrion did as a political leader was when he wasn’t trying to emulate Tywin.

I ended up writing a lot and going on several tangents with this so I’ve broken it up into parts. What follows in this post is an analysis of Tyrion’s chapters using the keyword “justice” on asearchoficeandfire.com.

When we look at what Tyrion’s actual goals are as a leader, they couldn’t be much different from Tywin:

"So what will you do, m'lord, now that you're the Hand of the King?"

"Something Cersei will never expect," [...] "I'll do . . . justice."

I don’t think Tywin wants to do justice. Tywin wants to make house Lannister great, even at the detriment of everything else (and ironically to the detriment of his own children as individuals).

Justice is a word that is hard to define, and the question of how to define justice can be found throughout Tyrion’s narrative, particularly when he is both compared to and contrasted with his father.

"Is this how justice is done in the Vale?" Tyrion roared, so loudly that Ser Vardis froze for an instant. "Does honor stop at the Bloody Gate? You accuse me of crimes, I deny them, so you throw me into an open cell to freeze and starve." He lifted his head, to give them all a good look at the bruises Mord had left on his face. "Where is the king's justice? Is the Eyrie not part of the Seven Kingdoms? I stand accused, you say. Very well. I demand a trial! Let me speak, and let my truth or falsehood be judged openly, in the sight of gods and men."

What’s particularly interesting about Tyrion’s trial in the Vale is that even when pleading for justice here, he knows it’s his family name that wins him the justice of a fair trial.

A low murmuring filled the High Hall. He had her, Tyrion knew. He was highborn, the son of the most powerful lord in the realm, the brother of the queen. He could not be denied a trial.

Is justice really justice when it’s bought?

"Behold the king's justice," Lysa Arryn said. [...]

Ser Vardis had been singularly silent. "My lady," he said gravely, sinking to one knee, "pray give this burden to another, I have no taste for it. The man is no warrior. Look at him. A dwarf, half my size and lame in the legs. It would be shameful to slaughter such a man and call it justice."

The concept of trial by combat is so interesting, especially when we think about ideas of justice and what true justice looks like and how it is defined. A reader certainly would not call a fight to the death to determine guilt or innocence justice in any sense of the word. We would maybe call it fair, but we wouldn’t call it justice. In Tyrion’s case it’s not even fair, until Bronn offers to take Tyrion’s place (and even then, Bronn takes advantage of Ser Vardis’ honor code, so not all that fair). But then you have to go back to the original accusation that Tyrion is standing trial for, which we as readers know he didn’t commit and which there isn’t any real evidence for.

So early on in the narrative you have the question of justice and Tyrion’s interactions with this world in which justice is not often done, although the word is thrown around quite often. This is a world that Tyrion knows how to work around, because he knows what this world is like for people like him, especially if they don’t have the right family name.

He could not touch Cersei, he knew. Not yet, not even if he'd wanted to, and he was far from certain that he did. Yet it rankled, to sit here and make a mummer's show of justice by punishing the sorry likes of Janos Slynt and Allar Deem, while his sister continued on her savage course.

Right off the bat in King’s Landing, we have the contrast between the justice that Tyrion wants to do and the brutality of Joffrey, the self-interest of Cersei, and the legacy that Tywin wants to protect. Can Tyrion do justice while all his power comes from the self-serving interest of the Lannister regime?

Tyrion’s interactions with Oberyn Martell help to further highlight this contradiction.

"Would that a council seat were all Martell came to claim," Lord Tywin said. "You promised him vengeance as well."

"I promised him justice."

"Call it what you will. It still comes down to blood."

Tyrion here insists on a distinction between vengeance and justice, but to Tywin they’re all the same thing. To Tywin, of course, it all comes down to blood. When Tyrion threatens Lannister blood it doesn’t matter that he is trying to get justice for Alayaya, or that he’s trying to negotiate things with the Martells. Lannister blood is all that matters.

Oh, Tywin can certainly make a show of being just.

"Prince Doran comes at my son's invitation," Lord Tywin said calmly, "not only to join in our celebration, but to claim his seat on this council, and the justice Robert denied him for the murder of his sister Elia and her children."

Tyrion watched the faces of the Lords Tyrell, Redwyne, and Rowan, wondering if any of the three would be bold enough to say, "But Lord Tywin, wasn't it you who presented the bodies to Robert, all wrapped up in Lannister cloaks?" None of them did, but it was there on their faces all the same. Redwyne does not give a fig, he thought, but Rowan looks fit to gag.

Tyrion comments in his narrative on the irony of Tywin offering justice for Elia and her children’s murders.

When your enemies defy you, you must serve them steel and fire. When they go to their knees, however, you must help them back to their feet. Elsewise no man will ever bend the knee to you. And any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king at all. Aerys never understood that, but you will. When I've won your war for you, we will restore the king's peace and the king's justice.

Many people point to this quote to prove Tywin’s capability as a ruler, but I think they’re missing something, and I think it can be found in the last part of the quote which is often left out. Tywin says that they will restore peace and justice when the Lannisters have won the war, but not before. To Tywin, justice is something that can be offered and taken away by those with the power to deny it. The idea that a true king should not have to proclaim himself king is about power and being able to show yourself as powerful, not about capability as a ruler. Power is a shadow on the wall, after all, and Tywin knew this.

"And when Oberyn demands the justice he's come for?"

"I will tell him that Ser Amory Lorch killed Elia and her children," Lord Tywin said calmly. "So will you, if he asks." 

“Ser Armory Lorch is dead,” Tyrion said flatly.

"Precisely. Vargo Hoat had Ser Amory torn apart by a bear after the fall of Harrenhal. That ought to be sufficiently grisly to appease even Oberyn Martell."

“You may call that justice . . ."

"It is justice. It was Ser Amory who brought me the girl's body, if you must know. He found her hiding under her father's bed, as if she believed Rhaegar could still protect her. Princess Elia and the babe were in the nursery a floor below."

"Well, it's a tale, and Ser Amory's not like to deny it. What will you tell Oberyn when he asks who gave Lorch his orders?"

"Ser Amory acted on his own in the hope of winning favor from the new king. Robert's hatred for Rhaegar was scarcely a secret."

It might serve, Tyrion had to concede, but the snake will not be happy. "Far be it from me to question your cunning, Father, but in your place I do believe I'd have let Robert Baratheon bloody his own hands."

Lord Tywin stared at him as if he had lost his wits. "You deserve that motley, then. We had come late to Robert's cause. It was necessary to demonstrate our loyalty. When I laid those bodies before the throne, no man could doubt that we had forsaken House Targaryen forever. And Robert's relief was palpable. As stupid as he was, even he knew that Rhaegar's children had to die if his throne was ever to be secure. Yet he saw himself as a hero, and heroes do not kill children." His father shrugged. "I grant you, it was done too brutally. Elia need not have been harmed at all, that was sheer folly. By herself she was nothing."

"Then why did the Mountain kill her?"

"Because I did not tell him to spare her.”

This whole conversation is so characteristic of the way Tywin sees the concept of justice, as something that can be bent to twist his own narrative and the one he is creating for House Lannister, and Tyrion tries to question it but Tywin’s able to retain plausible deniability by reasserting his authority and also excusing the brutality as something that wasn’t specifically intended, but an unfortunate side effect. Tywin does this A LOT. He does it repeatedly in the SAME SCENE, when the conversation moves from Elia to the Red Wedding and then to Sansa.

I doubt I mentioned her at all. I had more pressing concerns. Ned Stark's van was rushing south from the Trident, and Ifeared it might come to swords between us. And it was in Aerys to murder Jaime, with no more cause than spite. That was the thing I feared most. That, and what Jaime himself might do." He closed a fist. "Nor did I yet grasp what I had in Gregor Clegane, only that he was huge and terrible in battle. The rape . . . even you will not accuse me of giving that command, I would hope. Ser Amory was almost as bestial with Rhaenys. I asked him afterward why it had required half a hundred thrusts to kill a girl of . . . two? Three? He said she'd kicked him and would not stop screaming. If Lorch had half the wits the gods gave a turnip, he would have calmed her with a few sweet words and used a soft silk pillow." His mouth twisted in distaste. "The blood was in him.

"But not in you, Father. There is no blood in Tywin Lannister. "Was it a soft silk pillow that slew Robb Stark?"

"It was to be an arrow, at Edmure Tully's wedding feast. The boy was too wary in the field. He kept his men in good order, and surrounded himself with outriders and bodyguards."

"So Lord Walder slew him under his own roof, at his own table?" Tyrion made a fist. "What of Lady Catelyn?"

"Slain as well, I'd say. A pair of wolfskins. Frey had intended to keep her captive, but perhaps something went awry."

"So much for guest right."

It is interesting to me that all of this brutality just happens, Tywin didn’t intend it, it just happened.

Is this justice?

There is no blood in Tywin Lannister.

"So much for guest right."

"The blood is on Walder Frey's hands, not mine."

Deniability again. There is no blood in Tywin Lannister.

"I suppose you would have spared the boy and told Lord Frey you had no need of his allegiance? That would have driven the old fool right back into Stark's arms and won you another year of war. Explain to me why it is more noble to kill ten thousand men in battle than a dozen at dinner." When Tyrion had no reply to that, his father continued.

Just because Tyrion doesn’t answer does not mean that Tywin is right. It means that Tywin is good at convincing people that he’s right.

And then from there the conversation turns to “Arya” wedding Ramsay Bolton.

"Arya Stark?" Tyrion cocked his head. "And Bolton? I might have known Frey would not have the stomach to act alone. But Arya . . . Varys and Ser Jacelyn searched for her for more than half a year. Arya Stark is surely dead."

"So was Renly, until the Blackwater."

Shadows on the wall, everywhere.

The north will go to your son by Sansa Stark . . . if you ever find enough manhood in you to breed one. Lest you forget, it is not only Joffrey who must needs take a maidenhead."

I had not forgotten, though I'd hoped you had. "And when do you imagine Sansa will be at her most fertile?" Tyrion asked his father in tones that dripped acid. "Before or after I tell her how we murdered her mother and her brother?" 

It’s fitting that this conversation and chapter ends with Tywin again trying to badger Tyrion into bedding Sansa, which Tyrion points out is especially grotesque after what has happened at the Red Wedding. Tywin seems not to understand why Tyrion would want to protect Sansa and in fact directs it back to Tyrion (”Why, do you plan to mistreat her?”) because his concept of the well-being of others is, well, non-existent.

The word “justice” also comes up after Tyrion is accused of Joffrey’s murder, and again in reference to Tywin, during Kevan’s speech about Tywin.

"Do you think he would allow you to take the black if you were not his own blood, and Joanna's? Tywin seems a hard man to you, I know, but he is no harder than he's had to be. [...] Just as it fell to him to rule this realm, when he was no more than twenty. He bore that heavy burden for twenty years, and all it earned him was a mad king's envy. Instead of the honor he deserved, he was made to suffer slights beyond count, yet he gave the Seven Kingdoms peace, plenty, and justice. He is a just man. You would be wise to trust him."

George R R Martin is a master of irony in passages like this. Kevan basically makes excuses for Tywin’s abuse of Tyrion and says that Tywin is a just person who brought justice while Tyrion is being tried for something he didn’t do.

Oberyn points out the hypocrisy here very nicely.

"Men are seldom as they appear. You look so very guilty that I am convinced of your innocence. Still, you will likely be condemned. Justice is in short supply this side of the mountains. There has been none for Elia, Aegon, or Rhaenys. Why should there be any for you? Perhaps Joffrey's real killer was eaten by a bear. That seems to happen quite often in King's Landing. Oh, wait, the bear was at Harrenhal, now I remember."

At Tyrion’s trial we also see the conflict between what justice is first of all, and then the dichotomy between the desire for justice and the desire for vengeance.

"I did not do it. Yet now I wish I had." He turned to face the hall, that sea of pale faces. "I wish I had enough poison for you all. You make me sorry that I am not the monster you would have me be, yet there it is. I am innocent, but I will get no justice here. You leave me no choice but to appeal to the gods. I demand trial by battle."

(”As I cannot be the hero, let me be the monster, and lesson them in fear in place of love.”)

And if the Mountain triumphed, Doran Martell might well demand to know why his brother had been served with death instead of the justice Tyrion had promised him.

Even if Tywin had not been killed, war with the Martells seems an inevitability, and Tywin’s justice is no justice.

He had dreamed enough for one small life. And of such follies: love, justice, friendship, glory. As well dream of being tall.

It’s also interesting here that Tyrion compares his dreams of justice with the thing that marks him as different from others, his dwarfism. Is justice real, or is it only a trick on the wall for the powerful to play with?

"Are your Seven Kingdoms so different? There is no peace in Westeros, no justice, no faith … and soon enough, no food. When men are starving and sick of fear, they look for a savior."

What is justice and can true justice be done? These questions will continue to plague Tyrion as he makes his way to Daenerys.

#tyrion lannister #tywin lannister #asoiaf meta #valyrianscrolls

[nilim]

My Mythodea Adventure - Part 2

Day 2!

During the first in-game night it rained and a thunderstorm passed over, waking us up in the middle of the night -- but luckily everything stayed dry inside our tent. The next morning we were woken up at an early hour by a woman who was running through the camp ringing a loud bell, yelling that the fighters had to get up and get prepared as we would soon be under attack from the Black Ice. 

Conquest is a continuous in-time LARP, although there is generally less activity from the NPCs between 3 and 8 AM. This also means that getting woken up at 8 by your camp being under attack is part of the in-game life, and although it can be annoying it is also very immersive. 

As we were not fighters, and had no armour to put on, we stayed in our beds a little longer before having a quick breakfast and finishing our translations of the documents. 

The first document was about a garden, and it talked about how different kinds of ‘creatures’ or people lived there, and what they liked, and how they lived in harmony. It read very much as a ‘garden of life’ story, like a scripture describing the origin of the different tribes and people of Mythodea. 

The second document continued that story, but specifically talked about a Forbidden District within the garden that was protected by a wall of thorns. If you went through the wall with the intention of getting into the Forbidden District, the thorns would  poison you, and mark your ‘Kahat’ and cause a slow death. It also talked about the birds that lived in the wall of thorns that were immune to the poison. 

We theorized about what this Forbidden District could contain, how we could get through the wall, and where this garden could be located, before setting out to visit the different temples. 

At the temple of Terra, which was close to our campsite, we asked the druids how we could help out. One of them told us that the temple was also a place of death, and that we could set out in the world and collect stories and songs about death, or we could bring people there who were close to dying, or even go there if one of us were to die (yikes). We promised her we would do our best and return with stories and songs. 

We continued towards Trost, and passed by the Temple of Fire. It had a big fighting pit next to it, surrounded by pillars and chains. There was a line of people to speak to the priestess, and there was a big fire pit, than contained dozens of smaller glass candle holders. We were informed we could complete an offering for this temple by picking one of the candles and taking it to the priestess. The priestess flipped it over, and looked on the other side of the candle, which contained a number. She looked up the number in a big book, and then removed the candle from circulation -- therefore, every single quest someone picked was unique to them. 

Our quest turned out to be one where we had to confess a ‘sin’, and then atone for it. If we had finished our quest, we should return and receive a blessing. 

We continued to the Atelier, to see if we could find any additional info on this ‘garden’ in the archives. 

Our healer, Cerriel, is the eldest sister, and she is somewhat bossy but the most ‘do good’ person in our group. She immediately settled on going through the history section. 

The two youngest sisters are Kenna and Nova, who play twins. Nova is the diplomat, who is a little shady in that she had a knack for magic spells that are borderline dubious, like the ‘forget’ spell. In the game, I am closest to Nova, as she is not as ‘good’ as the other two, and has still supported me throughout my bad life choices. The very first thing she did was descend back on the Dark Studies section. 

Kenna is the bard, and is very happy go lucky. She immediately got sucked into a conversation with a bunch of other bards, who invited her to come sing songs with her, which she immediately did - sitting on the grass in the middle of the atelier. 

I, on the other hand, zeroed in on Radavan, as I wanted to ask him about himself and find out more about him, the Atelier, and what kind of favour we could expect from him. I told him we had translated the document, but that it was hard to know what to ask for as I didn’t know what he could offer, so I asked him to tell me about himself. He was very amused at this, and told me about his house, and his goals, which were mostly about making his house stronger. From what he told me I gathered he was kind of like a spider in a web of people, making sure that every person in his house was in the best position to be the most effective. He was the one that made sure everyone got what they needed. 

I listened to Kenna sing, and we told the bards we wanted to learn songs about death, and they taught one to Kenna. When they finished singing, one of the GMs threw a white pearl at the bards, and one of the other bards proclaimed that as Kenna was the one who had learned a new song, it must be awarded to her, as clearly the atelier had given them a blessing. 

Soon after, smoke started filling the small stone circle next to the Atelier, and a ‘projection’ started. We discovered that the Atelier had several ‘projections’ every day, which were these visions of what the enemy was up to. It was very cool, as they brought out the actual NPC enemies, who would play out scenes and would stand still for us to study them. 

They projected the servant of the Queen of Bones and a vision of her working together with the Black Ice. They also projected the Queen of Dragonflies, who was a leader of the Black Ice and a merger between the Black Ice and Pestilence. A lot of plot stuff went on here, but I won’t get into it because it’s way too much and way too confusing - save to say, it was a very cool mechanic. 

At this point we also met those we lovingly referred to as the ‘Frenchies’, which was a group of French players who also hung out in both the battlefields and at the Atelier all the time. 

They also were scholars, with very cool outfits, and zero weapons. They were composing an encyclopedia of everything that went on in the world of Mythodea. They had a girl who had a huge wooden drawing board in front of her, and would draw all the important NPCs she saw. The guy with the leather hat had a contraption on his back that could fold out into a table with the encyclopedia and additional. There guy in the blue shirt and straw hat was the plant guy and gathered info on herbs and plants. The last guy was also into flora and fauna. 

We talked to them a bunch to ask about the garden, and also other info they had. They showed us the encyclopedia. We had actually seen them run around in the battle the day previously, and they joked that if we saw the girl (whose name I forgot) on the battlefield we should grab her and run the other way because she would get into trouble by getting too close to the enemies all the time, because she wanted to draw them. 

We kind of became friends over the next few days as we kept running into them all the time, and we had similar interests. They showed us a map of the area, with different temples, and told us all the temples were corrupted and feeding into the central ‘temple’, which also contained underground tunnels. You could earn these elemental pearls at all the temples by completing quests, and you could donate them at the temples to strengthen them, or spent them at the middle temple in order to get into the dungeons. 

The bards Kenna had hung out with discovered that she called herself a ‘bard’ but wasn’t a member of the Bards Guild. They seemed a little agitated, and tried to convince her to join the Bards guild, which all sounded nice up until their sales pitch included the fact that they were very nice people who rarely broke people’s legs or fingers. And I was like… ehh, why would you ever break people’s fingers? And they said, well, because in the Bard’s guild every bard gets assigned a tavern to sing at, so if you sing for coin at places you are not assigned… they might break some fingers. And we nervously laughed until we realized they were serious. 

One of the bards took us to the Bards guild was we nervously deliberated behind him, because this all sounded very Bad. 

Before we could get into the Bard’s guild we were actually checked at the gate, and had to show are hands and arms, and the back of our neck, and that is how we learned that the forsaken elements had actually send spies out among the settlers after infecting them - and they could be recognized by marks on their bodies. We were let in, and Kenna deliberated with them, but in the end decided not to join. Every time she sang after that, we were nervous we were gonna get in trouble with the Bard’s guild, haha!

We swung by the water temple in another district. You could fish out a shell from the waters, and the shell contained symbols. By showing the shell to one of the priestesses, she would look up the shell in her book, and then set you a task. We all fished out a shell, and got different tasks. There were two women in front of us, and when they were told their task, one of them burst out into hysterical laughter - like full out, a couple of minutes, tear laughter, as the other one just glared at her. We found out the one who was glaring had been instructed to not speak for 2 hours, and it was just a hilarious situation. 

My task turned out to find a traveler and ask them about the fiercest beast they had ever encountered. I was then to draw/paint that beast. Cerriel got tasked to write down a secret and slip it into three people’s pockets unnoticed. Kenna had to ask five people about their dreams, and draw dream symbols and their meanings. Nova had to come back and announce to the temple the most beautiful dream she had ever had. 

After this, we wanted to swing by the Atelier again, and we passed by the temple of fire -- where the Queen of Dragonflies was sitting in the throne, speaking to a whole bunch of people sitting in front of her! 

With no context, we were curious if this was another projection, or what was going on. As me and Nova got closer, a GM immediately walked up to us and whispered in our ears that we felt a sudden incredible, motherly love from the Queen of Dragonflies, and that we were attracted to her. So we sat down with the other players and listened to her speech. She talked about the love she had for us, and that we should go out and tell others that she loves us and that we should fight for us. She passed through the crowd and hugged and caressed people and as she passed us she caressed our faces and called us beautiful. 

This was not part of our plan, but we were now under the spell of the Queen of Dragonflies, and tasked with spreading her message. We went to the Atelier to draw pamphlets which we left in the archives. We then went back to our tent to eat dinner.

While close to our tent, I stumbled upon another one of those scroll cases, which we immediately stole again. It was another letter in code, but this time it had also a drawing of a plant. We set to translating the info, as we ate dinner. Suddenly, one of our neighbours swung by our tent and he told us we had saved him in the battle the day before. He asked for my sword, and he blessed it with a potion -- it would now put to sleep the first person I hit with it. Score!

After dinner, we made tea, and continued translating. The new document contained info about a mushroom that could strengthen potions of healing, and also told how through alchemical processing one could use it. It also told that on hills where these mushrooms grew, one could find materials that could be used for the forging of artefacts. As we made tea above our fire pit, the neighbours across from us asked us if we wanted some of their rice pudding they had made. We gladly accepted, and they came to bring us food as we offered them tea. They sat down with us, and we started talking. 

One of them was a scribe for the banner council, and all day he wrote down what everyone had done and new info. We shared the info we had found in our documents, and also told him about the Queen of Dragonflies, although we carefully left out the info where we had been enchanted by her. Everything was new info to him, so he got up and ran to get his book from the council chambers so he could write stuff down. We gave him some of our documents to copy, and he told us we could pick it up at the council the next day. After talking for a while, we said our goodbyes and headed for bed. For our help and company, they left us with a bottle of mead. 

#nilim larps #long text post