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ming-yu-hao · 3 years

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Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder | Chapter 3

Pairing: fratboy!mingyu x female reader

Word Count: 6k

Synopsis: When you transferred to a different university, you and Wonwoo promised that you would make long distance work. But distance proves to be more difficult than you both originally thought.

This Chapter’s Tags: angst, protected sex, finger sucking, grinding, light choking/spanking/dirty talk, mingyu just being an ass man, riding, cheating obviously

Warning: THIS SERIES IS ABOUT CHEATING. DO NOT READ IF IT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE!

A/N: Y’ALLLLL I’m sorry this took me forever to upload... I just got super busy but there won’t be as long as a wait for the next chapter! As always feedback is appreciated and I hope you guys like this :)

Chapters: Previous | Next | Masterlist

Your knees quivered beneath you as you pulled the soft fabric of your leggings up your thighs and over your hips. You bent down to pick up your shirt that was still balled up on the floor, and when you stood again you could hear the bed rustle behind you as Mingyu shifted his weight.

Guilt didn't hit you until you slipped your shirt back over your head, fully dressing yourself once again.

What had you done?

Without looking at him, you spoke: "I think I should go now."

He was silent.

You stepped over to the door, your hand about to twist the knob when he finally called out to you.

"Y/N."

You looked at him. He was sitting up on his bed; his dark hair was a mess, hanging over his forehead. His lips were parted like he didn't know what to say.

"Um, don't forget your jacket. It's cold outside." He pointed to your jacket that was still discarded on the floor.

"Oh, thanks," you said with your voice wavering. You quickly picked up the jacket and headed for the door again.

"Text me when you get home, okay?" Mingyu rushed to say. The corners of his mouth quirked up into a thin, awkward smile and you nodded your head in response.

Why did he suddenly care? He used to just be some guy you sat next to in class. When did he want to become your friend? When did he start to become protective over you? Was this all really just because of his half-drunken encounter with you at that party? Did the moment you two shared that night cause him to feel some kind of attachment to you? Thinking about it all made your head spin. Nothing made sense to you anymore.

You turned the knob and cracked open the door when Mingyu spoke again.

"Um, also... you know, if you ever need anything... I'm here for you." His voice shook a bit.

You exhaled. "Thank you."

You slipped out of his room before he could say anything else and stepped down the stairs quietly, attempting to dart out the front door before anyone could see you. There was a small group of people hanging out in the living room like Mingyu had said, their laughter and conversations loud and echoing through the house.

When you reached the bottom of the stairs, you kept your gaze down at your feet while you scanned the floor for your shoes.

"Y/N?" You heard a voice call from behind you.

You huffed out a quiet breath in frustration before turning around with an overly sweet smile on your face. Your eyes landed on Seungcheol.

"Oh, hey! It's weird not seeing Jisoo following you around." You joked.

Seungcheol smiled sheepishly. "Yeah..." He trailed off, looking down at the ground.

"Are you guys dating?" You probed with a raised eyebrow.

"I wanted to talk to you about that, actually." He admitted, making eye contact with you. Curiosity plagued you, and you stared at him expectantly as you waited for him to speak. "I wanna do something special for her when I ask her out... just cause, I don't know, I really like her." He stammered nervously, lowering his voice so no one could eavesdrop.

You gave him a genuine smile. You were happy that Jisoo had found someone that truly liked her. Ever since the beginning of the semester, she had been cycling through an array of terrible guys that used and ghosted her. Seungcheol seemed like a genuinely good person; you trusted him to take care of her.

You brought your hand to your chin as you pondered for a moment. "Well, if I'm being honest, she's, like, a huge hopeless romantic. Loves cheesy romance movies and stuff." You started, "If you took her out to a nice dinner and walked around some really pretty, romantic place after, that'd be her dream come true."

Seungcheol nodded, his eyes glazed over in deep thought as he acknowledged your advice. "Yeah, that sounds like her." He smiled. "Thanks."

You nodded. "So... how did the raffle go?"

"It went really good, actually." He responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. "The money's going to a child psychology organization. I've been doing research with them for a few months now."

Your eyes lit up in interest at his story. "That's really cool. Have you discovered any groundbreaking research yet?" You half-joked.

He chuckled, "I guess a little bit."

A lightbulb suddenly went off in your brain. "Hey, do you think I could interview you about all this research stuff you've done? I need to write an article for class."

Seungcheol shrugged. "Sure."

You spent the next few minutes probing him about how he got involved in the program, what he had been researching, his motivation to study child psychology—all while taking down notes on your phone. He explained to you how he had struggled with anxiety his whole life and wanted to find a way to help others. In the back of your mind, this was all affirming why he was such a good match for Jisoo. He was caring, passionate, charitable. Your heart warmed at the thought of Jisoo finally settling down with someone who was actually a good person.

Your interview came to an end and you thanked Seungcheol for helping you out. He nodded before glancing down at the jacket you were carrying in your arms.

"Were you planning on leaving?" He asked.

"Yeah, I need to go work on homework and stuff." You answered.

He attempted to suppress his smirk by biting his lip. "You and Mingyu didn't get much work done together?" He raised his eyebrows at you.

You felt your heart drop into your stomach. "What?"

"Relax, I'm just kidding." Seungcheol laughed. "He just seemed comfortable with you earlier, you know?"

The tension in your stomach loosened a little as you realized that he didn't actually know what happened between you two. This is exactly what Mingyu was worried about earlier. So it was true that Seungcheol liked to play matchmaker and get involved in everyone else's relationships.

"There's nothing going on between you guys?" Seungcheol questioned after you didn't respond.

You felt your cheeks grow hot with irritation. "No. I have a boyfriend." You said curtly.

Seungcheol's mouth formed an O-shape at the sudden coldness in your tone. "I-I'm sorry, I was just kidding." He quickly apologized.

"It's okay." You sighed. You glanced around for your shoes, avoiding his regretful gaze.

"Well, I really have to get going. Thanks for helping me out." You said as you slipped on your shoes.

He smiled apologetically and walked you over to the door. "See you, Y/N!" He called behind you as you stepped out into the cold.

You buried yourself in work for the next two days. You figured it was easier to just get lost in the flow of doing assignment after assignment rather than to think about what happened.

But no matter what you did, your mind still wandered back to that moment—when your lips finally met Mingyu's, and his body pressed against yours.

The worst part was that you didn't even try to stop him: you had agreed to it, and God, you even thanked him for it! You weren't even sure if you could regret what happened. You hated yourself for betraying Wonwoo's trust, but at the same time you craved attention and affection. Mingyu just happened to be the one that fulfilled your wishes after all this time.

You would never tell Mingyu that, of course. Honestly, you were unsure if you could even face him about it. He could tell that you felt guilty afterwards. If you just finished this stupid project and avoided him for the rest of the semester, he would probably get the hint and leave you alone.

It was Saturday evening when you typed the last words of your article on Seungcheol and his research. You hadn't talked to Mingyu since you left his room on Thursday night, but you needed him to complete his share of the work. Sighing, you picked up your phone and pulled up your messages with him. You quickly explained what kind of pictures he needed to take and told him to send them to you (so you could avoid seeing him anymore than you needed to).

You clicked out of your conversation, and that's when your eyes landed on the messages that were still unread by Wonwoo. You wanted to ask him what he was doing, but after three days with no response, it felt pathetic to even attempt to strike up a conversation now.

The sound of the door knob jiggling startled you before Jisoo busted into the room a moment later.

"Y/N!" She cheered in a sing-song voice. "We have another party to go to tonight!"

You already knew exactly where this party was going to be, and you felt your stomach drop at the thought of running into Mingyu.

You shook your head. "No way, Jisoo. I'm way too busy." You lied.

She pouted her lips at you. "Really? You've been working nonstop. How're you still not done?"

You shrugged and let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Well, you can take a break for a few hours. I promise I won't leave you this time. You can hangout with me and Cheol." She begged, looking at you with wide, saddened eyes.

Your phone vibrated between your hands, and when you glanced down you saw Mingyu's name on the screen.

Mingyu: I'm actually gonna be out studying and working on some stuff with a friend tonight. I promise I'll get the pics for you tomorrow :) Sent at 7:37 PM

You thought it was a little weird for a guy like Mingyu to be studying on a Saturday night, but when you realized that he wouldn't be at the party, relief flooded over you.

You looked up at Jisoo and saw her still expectantly staring at you, waiting for your response.

"I- I guess I could go for a bit."

"YES!" Seungkwan shrieked as he successfully landed another ball in one of Jisoo's cups. He turned to you and wildly smacked your palm in a high five, nearly hitting you in the face. Your stomach was starting to hurt from laughing for the past ten minutes over the intense match of beer pong in front of you.

The crowd around the table reacted loudly, some cheering and some booing as Jisoo downed another cup of alcohol. She shivered at the taste and Seungcheol came up from behind to pat her on the back. His lips moved as he said something to her, but with music blasting through the house so loud, you couldn't make out a single word.

Your phone vibrated in your back pocket. Without much thought, you pulled it out and quickly glanced at the screen.

Your heart sank into your stomach as you realized: Wonwoo was calling.

"Fuck," you muttered under your breath. You had completely forgotten that Saturday's were now reserved for your FaceTime dates.

You looked up at everyone with wide eyes, but they were too immersed in the game to notice your reaction. You pushed your way through the crowd and slipped into the bathroom before Jisoo or anyone else could come looking for you.

By the time you reached the bathroom and locked the door, the FaceTime call had already stopped ringing. Leaning against the door, you scrolled through your contacts and called back, but only as a phone call.

Wonwoo answered after two rings.

"Hey, everything alright?" He asked.

You swallowed. "Uh... yeah."

"Why didn't you FaceTime?" He continued. You hesitated, but then he spoke before you could say anything. "Why is it so loud? Where are you?"

You cursed yourself for not running away to a room that was farther away from all the music and noise outside the door. Fidgeting with your fingers, you answered: "A party."

"Oookay," he scoffed. "You could've at least let me know if you were gonna go out. But it's fine. Have fun, I guess." He responded coldly.

Your brows furrowed together instinctively. Now it was your turn to scoff at him. "You're not serious, are you?" The skin of your face grew warmer. Wonwoo was quiet. "I forgot. Sorry." You admitted through grit teeth.

"Why're you so mad?" He questioned in a defensive tone.

You rolled your eyes. "This is the first time I've ever cancelled on you and it was an accident. Do I need to remind you of all the times you ditched me?"

Wonwoo didn't respond.

"And what the fuck have you been doing the past three days that you couldn't respond to me?" You spat. Blood was rushing through your veins quickly now as anger took over.

He sighed through the receiver. "I was busy."

"Does it really take that much time to send a text to your fucking girlfriend?" Your voice began to rise. "How do you expect this to work if you don't even talk to me?"

"I'm sor-" He began to speak, but you interrupted him.

"You know, sometimes it feels like I'm dating nobody!" You cried. "Do you even realize how lonely I feel?" Your voice shook with each word as your throat grew tighter; tears welled up in your eyes. You didn't want to cry, but all the frustration you had bottled up the past couple months was finally spilling over.

In a calm voice, all Wonwoo said was: "I'm trying."

"Not hard enough." You scoffed.

"What the fuck, Y/N? Where is this coming from?" He cried. The sudden rise in his voice startled you a bit.

The phone shook in your grasp. "You act like I don't even exist! How can you call that trying?"

"Fuck, I'm not dealing with this right now. Go back to your stupid fucking party." He snapped.

"Yeah, just go and ignore me again!" You laughed sardonically.

The three tones of the call ending sounded abruptly. You looked down at your phone in shock. He had hung up on you.

Your hands balled into fists as you threw your head back against the door. Your jaw was tense, but your bottom lip still quivered.

He had done it again. It seemed it was becoming easy for him at this point—abandoning you when you needed him.

This wasn't going to last much longer if the two of you couldn't figure this out.

When you pressed your lips into a thin line, tears slipped down, staining the bags under your eyes with makeup.

Was he giving up on you?

Your head began to pound. You couldn't stand being in this hot bathroom any longer, much less this party in general. You wiped your cheeks with the back of your hand and turned to unlock the door.

As you took a step out of the bathroom, you kept your gaze locked on your feet; you didn't want anyone to notice the state you were currently in.

Not even a moment after opening the door, you collided with a tall, warm body.

"Sorry," you mumbled, pushing past.

"Y/N?" A familiar voice called. Strong hands grasped your forearm, and you glanced up at the figure.

Mingyu.

What force was bringing you back to him once again?

His lips parted in a small gasp as he noticed the redness in your tearful eyes. "Hey, what's wrong? Come here."

Before you could protest, he guided you back into the bathroom, closing and locking the door so no one could bother you two.

You kept your eyes down at the ground, unable to look at him. As he approached you, the heat of his skin radiated against you.

"I thought you were out studying." You spoke, breaking the silence.

Mingyu's hands found your jaw. He ran the smooth skin of his thumbs over your cheeks, wiping the tears that remained. "I finished early," he explained.

"Look at me," Mingyu whispered. You swallowed and blinked before meeting his eyes.

You didn't notice the thin, black-rimmed glasses that were resting on his nose before. His dark hair was pushed back, and his tan skin glowed under the bathroom light. You hated how instinctively drawn you felt to his presence.

You started to think that Kim Mingyu might be the Devil, disguised in the form of a beautiful boy that always knew the right words to say. He was here to tempt you, to swindle you at your most vulnerable moments, to test your fidelity. And you were weak enough to cave in.

"Is it your boyfriend?" He asked.

The gaze he held on you was so intense that you found yourself staring at the frames of his glasses instead of his eyes. You nodded silently in response to his question.

"Talk to me. What happened?" Mingyu cooed as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.

"I-" You started, but let out a sigh instead. "We just fought. I don't know. I don't wanna talk about it." You rambled.

"Okay," he nodded. "Sorry if I pushed it." He removed his hands from your face. The skin suddenly felt cold without his touch.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. "We can talk about something else."

You stood still, nodding, but couldn't think of anything to say.

"You know," Mingyu started, "You look really pretty. Even when you're crying." Your skin flushed at the compliment.

Rolling your eyes playfully, you wiped the last remnants of makeup off your cheeks. "Is that your go-to line for every girl?" You joked.

"No," he replied. "Just cause I'm in a frat doesn't mean I'm a douche."

You snickered under your breath. "Yeah, but there's gotta be so many girls that hit on you."

"There's some," he shrugged. "Doesn't mean I flirt back."

Your legs were beginning to grow tired from standing, so you walked over to the counter and sat on the edge. You gripped the ledge to keep your balance, swinging your legs back and forth.

Mingyu stood in his same spot, but turned in your direction. He quirked his eyebrows at you. "Are you suggesting that I'm attractive enough to have hundreds of girls swooning over me?" He shot you a teasing grin.

You chuckled and shook your head. "You wish."

Mingyu's jaw dropped in a fake expression of shock as he came closer to you, but he stood to the side to stare at himself in the mirror. He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

"Since when do you wear glasses?" You inquired.

"Since forever." He replied.

Mingyu placed his hands on the edge of the counter, pushing his weight onto them. The muscles in his arms were prominent through his black shirt. Your eyes dragged across his figure, eventually landing on his face again.

"I like them. They look good." You said.

He glanced at you, his eyes laced with hints of suspicion. "Thanks," he said with his voice a little uneven. He cleared his throat and stood up straight. "Did I help get your mind off him a bit?"

You winced at the mention of Wonwoo, but nodded. "Yeah, you did. Thank you." You exhaled.

Mingyu smiled to himself and his eyes met yours once again. "Good. I feel like it's the least I can do to help."

As you stared at him, you admired his features—his soft, clear complexion and plump lips. You suddenly became aware of how close he was to you; his hand was resting only a few inches away from your thigh. Your mind thought back to how it felt when those hands caressed the bare skin of your body. Impulsively, your thighs pressed together at the revisitation of the memory.

The room felt like it had instantly shot up ten degrees, and the heat left your judgement clouded like a foggy mirror. If Mingyu really was the Devil, his plan was working.

You leaned towards him until your face was only a few inches from his. Your breath caught in your throat as you went to speak.

"I really wanna kiss you right now." You admitted quickly, your eyes focused on his lips.

Mingyu backed away. "Are you drunk?" He asked. His eyes were wide with concern as he scanned you.

You remained where you were, embarrassment creeping up on you as you rapidly shook your head. "I haven't drank anything."

Mingyu chewed on his bottom lip. "I- I don't think it's a good idea. After last time..." he trailed off, glancing up to peek at your reaction. "I don't want you to do something you'll regret again."

"I don't regret it." You blurted before you could stop yourself.

You weren't sure what you were doing or where you wanted to go with this, but you couldn't stop. A feeling of lust had possessed you at this point, controlling your every word and action.

Mingyu looked taken aback at your confession, standing up straighter. His lips were parted in uncertainty, but you watched as his eyes flicked down to look at your lips.

"You don't?" He asked, inching closer to you.

Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest now. You quickly shook your head. "No."

His right hand found a place to rest under your chin, tilting your head up to look at him as his face neared yours. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip.

"Are you sure?" He whispered.

Desire had overcome you so strongly at this point that you couldn't bring yourself to answer him through words. Instead, you crashed your lips onto his.

Mingyu responded eagerly, his kisses fueled with the same amount of force. Your hands quickly found purchase on the nape of his neck, pulling his body closer to yours. Right as you spread your legs to allow him to stand in between them, Mingyu's tongue darted against your lips, slipping into your mouth when you parted your lips for him.

He placed his left hand on your inner thigh, roughly squeezing the flesh between his fingers as he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, and he dragged his other hand down to the small of your back to pull you closer to him.

Now your core was pressed against his. Mingyu removed his lips from yours, only to place open-mouthed kisses on the area below your ear. You jerked your hips up as he nibbled lightly on the skin, the friction between your thighs growing.

Your jaw hung open as your arousal increased with each moment; your breathing became heavy while you panted into his ear. He sucked on your collarbone, and a chill shot it's way up your spine. You whimpered loudly and you could feel Mingyu smirk against your skin.

"You sound so pretty," he mumbled, his lips brushing against your skin as he spoke. He lifted his head, his tongue poking out of his cheek while he observed you. Your head was thrown back, eyes half shut, and you were ever so slightly grinding your hips against his for the smallest bit of relief.

Mingyu brought his fingers up to your lips, tapping on the soft skin to catch your attention. "Suck," he said, watching as you obediently parted your lips for him. He shoved two of his fingers into your mouth and pressed them down against your tongue. You could feel wetness building up between your legs. Even though it wasn't anything extreme, Wonwoo never did stuff like this with you in bed. You had to admit, all the new things that Mingyu was introducing to you excited you.

You hummed against him as he stuffed your mouth, almost gagging when his fingers neared the back of your throat. You swirled your tongue around his digits before he quickly pulled them away. You opened your eyes, staring at him in confusion, but his hungry gaze was already locked in on your core. He fumbled with the button of your jeans, and you felt your arousal suddenly spike at the thought of his fingers inside you.

You helped him shuffle your jeans over your ass and down to your knees. He bit his lip as he stared at your clothed heat, his cock stiffening beneath his own jeans, and pressed his dampened fingers to your clit through the fabric of your underwear.

You gasped quietly at the contact, but it wasn't enough. "Mmh, Mingyu," you whined. "Please."

"So needy," he teased with a smirk on his lips. He slipped his fingers beneath the fabric, pressing into your slick folds. His breathing grew heavier. "How're you so wet? I barely even touched you." He breathed against your cheek before he pressed a soft kiss to it. You blushed at his teasing words.

Mingyu rubbed your clit in slow circles, spreading your arousal around your folds. He pressed his lips to yours again, swallowing the moans you were letting out. He dragged his fingers down your heat, teasing your entrance by avoiding it. You clenched around nothing.

"Mingyu, I need you," you muttered against his lips.

"My fingers?" He questioned teasingly, pushing the tips of his digits into your core.

Desire was eating away at you, clouding your thoughts and replacing them with lust-filled ones. You bucked your hips up into his hand, whimpering beneath him.

"No, I want... you." You panted, looking up at him. Embarrassment picked away at you due to your vague request. His eyes appeared even darker than usual as he stared down at you with lust, registering what you were asking for.

Just as he was about to speak, the door knob shook, followed by loud pounding on the door. You jumped, and Mingyu quickly pulled his fingers away from your heat, leaving you with nothing.

"Open up!" A voice called from outside the door. "I have to piss!"

Oh, how wonderful.

You looked to Mingyu with wide eyes, and he motioned for you to stand up. "Pull your pants up!" He shouted at you in a whisper as he wiped his hands on his jeans. He stepped away from the counter, pressing his lips together in frustration as he realized the tent in his pants was painfully obvious.

You pushed yourself off the counter, standing up with shaky legs as you quickly pulled your pants over your hips and re-buttoned them.

The door knob jiggled again. "I'm literally gonna piss myself if you don't open this door in five seconds!" The same voice cried.

"What do we do?" You whispered to Mingyu.

He sighed. "Get out of here as fast as possible and go to my room." Your stomach flipped at the mention of his bedroom; you were really about to go through with this. He reached his hand out for you to grab, and you took hold of it as he led you both to the door.

Mingyu fumbled with the lock, and the door busted open a moment later, revealing a very drunken boy on the other side. He looked both of you up and down. You ducked down slightly, attempting to hide your face behind Mingyu's broad shoulders.

"Fuck, Mingyu? Really? The bathroom?" The boy said with disgust.

Mingyu rolled his eyes, his hand squeezing yours tighter. "Fuck off, Soonyoung." He replied before rushing out of the bathroom with you following close behind.

You couldn't help giggling at Mingyu's comment. He glanced over his shoulder when he noticed you laughing, a smile finding its way to his own lips as he chuckled at you. "Was I too harsh?" He joked.

Mingyu dragged you through the house quickly, and when you reached the bottom of the stairs, he pushed you in front of him to lead the way. You rushed up the steps, and when you neared the top, a sudden smack was delivered to your butt.

You let out a cry, followed by laughter of disbelief. "Mingyu!" You exclaimed with your jaw dropped once you reached the top of the stairs.

Mingyu stood behind you, his hands gripping your waist. He giggled into your ear. "I'm sorry, your ass is so cute." He placed a soft peck to your cheek.

"Let's go," he whispered, his voice suddenly an octave lower. Your stomach twisted, and Mingyu began leading you towards his room with his hands still on your hips.

He let go of you to twist the knob and push the door open, but as soon as you stepped foot into his room, his hands found your waist again and hurriedly pushed you further past the door. He kicked the door closed behind him, pushing you up against the wood. His lips quickly found yours, kissing you with even more intensity than before.

You could barely catch your breath as Mingyu gave you more rough kisses. He was being taken over by lust; he pressed himself against you, allowing you to feel the hardness in his pants. You ran one hand from his shoulder down his chest and stomach, feeling the muscles beneath his shirt tensing at your touch. Finally you palmed him through his jeans and he groaned against your mouth.

"Fuck, you're driving me crazy." He whispered before placing one more messy kiss to your lips. He pulled away to slip his fingers under the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head quickly and tossing it to the floor. His lips found your neck again, and you moaned as his tongue darted out to lick your sensitive spot. His hands were on your ass, pulling you closer to him and squeezing the soft skin.

Your head rolled back. "Shit, Mingyu," you moaned. "I need you now."

Mingyu pulled away to look down at you with a grin on his face. "Yeah?" He raised his eyebrow. He spanked your ass lightly, causing you to whimper and lean into him. "Go to the bed." He demanded, stepping away from you.

You walked to the bed, trying to swing your hips to hide the nervous wobble in your knees. You felt Mingyu come up behind you, his body pressing against yours. His stiff cock was brushing against your thigh. You turned around, sitting on the edge of the bed as you looked up at him.

"When are you gonna take this off?" You questioned while toying with the fabric of his shirt.

He chewed on his lip as he smirked at you. Without a word, he pulled it over his head, exposing his muscular arms and toned chest. Your eyes dragged hungrily over his torso, drinking in the sight of the outline of his abs.

"Better?" He teased, interrupting your admiring of his body. You looked up at his face. His glasses still rested on his nose, but his hair was slightly disheveled and his lips were now pink and swollen from kissing yours. You were breathless. He was beautiful, and you wanted him so badly.

You perked up from the position you were sitting in, a surge of confidence driven by desire guiding you. "Lie down," you commanded. Mingyu looked taken aback for a moment as he processed your sudden dominance, but he just chuckled and laid down without protest.

Once his back was against the mattress and he was splayed out beneath you, you crawled up towards him, straddling his hips. You dragged your hands down his chest, admiring the softness and warmth of his skin while you began to grind against him.

Mingyu threw his head back as he moaned softly, and you felt yourself clench at the sound. You leaned down, pressing your chest to his as you left kisses on his neck. His hips bucked up into your center. The friction between your bodies was so intense it was driving you insane.

You felt his fingers drag across your spine, causing goosebumps to from across your skin. He fumbled with the clasp of your bra and pulled the straps down your arms. You sat up to fully pull it off and throw it somewhere in the room, and Mingyu quickly brought his hands to your breasts. He squeezed the sensitive buds, twisting your nipples between his fingers. You moaned and pressed your hips into his even harder.

"Ride me," Mingyu mumbled into your ear. Unable to form any words, you nodded, reaching for the button of his jeans.

You lifted yourself off him to help him unzip his pants, and once he started pulling them off you kneeled to the side to discard your own jeans. Just as you began pulling your underwear down your thighs, Mingyu reached for the nightstand next to his bed, shuffling around in the drawer and eventually pulling out a condom.

He pulled his cock out of his boxers, and it stood stiffly against his stomach. He quickly ripped open the package, sliding the latex over his shaft. You straddled his thighs again, about to sink yourself onto him when he quickly grabbed your hips.

"No, no." He said. "Turn around."

You looked at him in confusion. "But-"

"Just trust me," he added, pressing a soft kiss to your chest.

You turned around so your back was facing him, still straddling his thighs. He kept one hand on your waist as the other reached for his cock. He guided the stiff head through your folds, wetting his cock with your arousal. When the tip brushed against your clit you whimpered as you clenched around nothing again.

"Please, Mingyu," you whined.

He dragged the head down to your entrance, finally pushing into you. Both of his hands rested on your hips now as he slowly sunk you down onto him.

You moaned at the slight burning sensation the stretch left behind. It had already been months since a dick was last inside you, and with Mingyu's size it was even more intense.

You aided by lowering yourself onto his cock, and once he bottomed out inside you he stayed still to let you adjust. His dick twitched inside you, and you clenched around him in response.

"You're so fucking tight," he moaned into your ear. He began nibbling and sucking at the skin between your neck and shoulder from behind you, and you whined in response.

You lifted yourself off him slowly, basking in the feeling of his cock rubbing against your walls. You sunk down fully onto him before raising your hips again, finally beginning to ride him.

Mingyu allowed you to work yourself against his length while he brought one hand to your breast again. You moaned loudly as he squeezed the flesh between his fingers and bucked his hips up into you.

"Mmmh, shit, you feel so good," you babbled before crying loudly again. Mingyu quickly brought his other hand up to your throat, lightly choking you.

"Shhh, baby." He whispered against your skin. "You can't be so loud." His words were followed by another soft slap to your ass, making you whine quietly.

He let go of your throat, bringing both of his hands to your waist once again to speed up your pace. He angled his hips so he could thrust up into you at the same time, and the angle caused him to hit your sensitive spot every time. You panted loudly as the pressure in your lower stomach grew, and you ground yourself against his cock, clenching around him.

"Shit." Mingyu choked out breathlessly. "Tight little pussy's taking me so well."

Maybe it was the filthy words that left his mouth, or the way Mingyu took hold of your hips to slow your pace and thrust into you especially hard, but you felt yourself tip over the edge, your mind cloudy as pleasure overtook you. You couldn't even tell if you were crying out loudly, but you assumed so by the way Mingyu suddenly pulled himself out of you and pushed you forward until your face was pressed into the mattress and he was kneeled behind you.

He thrusted into you roughly now, trying to reach his own high. Your eyes were rolling back into your head as your core tingled with oversensitivity, and you could feel yourself drooling onto the sheets.

He came with a particularly rough grunt, pausing his movements as his cum emptied into the condom inside you. He moaned breathlessly and he slowly pumped himself in and out of you to milk his orgasm. Finally, he pulled himself completely out, and his hand ran across your spine.

"You okay?" He asked, and you lifted yourself onto your hands and knees, nodding. Mingyu looked down at your legs, his lips dropping in a slight gasp. "Your thighs are shaking." He noted out loud.

Your face burnt with embarrassment as you kneeled back onto your knees. When you finally turned to look at Mingyu, he was tossing the condom into the trash. His hair was now pressed to his forehead with sweat and his cheeks were tinted a shade of pink. When his eyes met yours, his lips quirked up into a smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get rough with you." He apologized. He sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

You shook your head. "N-no, it's okay," you croaked out, finally able to formulate words now that all the post-orgasm bliss was fading away.

You didn't know why, but you felt like you had to be near him. You crawled up towards him, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. It felt natural. Comfortable. It reminded you of how you felt with Wonwoo. And despite how much you enjoyed feeling Mingyu's soft lips against yours, that thought terrified you.

"Do you regret this?" He mumbled against your lips.

It scared you—the way you were able to betray Wonwoo so easily. Here you were, in bed with another boy: one that you shared inside jokes with and stole kisses from and ran to for comfort. All that you had built with Wonwoo over the past two years—were some miles apart really enough to tear everything down?

You answered honestly.

"No."

#kim mingyu smut #mingyu smut #mingyu scenarios #mingyu x reader #seventeen smut #mingyu imagines

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love-hatred-stuff · 3 years

Text

Bets } Kim Sunwoo [theboyz]

feat. Eric, Jacob, Kevin, Juyeon

genre: angst, fluff

warning(s): violence, obsession and manipulation (he's not hurting u or anything)

word count: 2.4k

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Y/N's POV

I was currently at my high school.

I had just finished my studies in the library and it was already evening but I decided to stay longer today as my boyfriend was training with his friends in the basket hall. But it was fine because it was already pretty late and the boys should be finished now and I could finally see Sunwoo.

We have been dating for six months and I feel very comfortable with him, it almost feels like I found the one I wanna be with for the rest of my life.

Even if I don't know him for so long, he gives me strength, the thing I had never had.

I'm delicate but I tend to hide my feelings in front of people that I don't trust.

Lately something confusing is going on. Sunwoo has been weirdly avoiding me, and his friends that I assume to really like me too, also act very suspicious sometimes.

They would take him away from me to talk to him alone.

I would just be confused and worried about what was going on.

But today I would talk to them about it!

Right in the moment I was walking through the school halls, on my way to them, but I heard loud voices that sounded like they were seriously discussing.

Before I opened the door, I heard my name and was even more concerned.

I figured it would be smarter to just listen to it and wait while hiding.

"Sunwoo, you can't lie to her forever! She is a great person, she doesn't deserve this anymore. Actually she never did."

I sensed the one who said this was Juyeon and he sounded very serious about what he was talking about.

My anxiety started to kick in.

What was I going to hear next?

"I know, she would never deserve this. But I really do like her. I could just keep it as my secret." Now Sunwoo talked, he sounded like he meant what he said.

But what was the damn secret they were talking about? How bad was it?

"Oh wow Sunwoo! You finally fell in love, congrats. Just sad that she was only a game to you in the beginning. You decided to play with the wrong heart." Juyeon said in a very loud and angry tone.

Was he trying to protect me?

"He's right, you should tell her before it will be too much and she finds out herself. Honestly, I hoped she would break up with you because you can be an egoistic ass sometimes!" Now Jacob exclaimed.

"Yeah, I'm sorry guys. But I can't. I will lose her if I tell her that she was a bet. I will lose her, and she will hate me. I couldn't handle that."

I gasped quietly, pressing my palm on my mouth to stay silent.

It was pretty much to take.

My boyfriend just confessed that I was just a bet!? Someone who No one cares about. That's what I was for them.

"But you have to Sunwoo, she's too pure. You will break her. You know she has no one that would take care of her. She was new and lonely when she came here. You made her feel safe and now you're doing this to her? She will never forgive you and feel safe with you again." Juyeon scolded and as I watched them through a little split between the door of the gym hall I saw him grabbing Sunwoo by the collar of his muscle shirt aggressively, having dangerous sparkles in his eyes.

"Either you will do it or I will! And maybe one of us will take her from you. Someone who cares about her heart and feelings." Juyeon grabbed him harder and shook him.

I couldn't watch and hear that any longer so I decided to interrupt their fight.

I abruptly swung the door open, earning all of the boy's eyes.

I approached them pretty fast and pushed Juyeon from Sunwoo.

I didn't want them to hurt each other, although probl all I was for them was a little doll to play with.

"Stop. This is kindergarten. You all are so immature, I can't believe it." I sighed heavily.

Then I locked eyes with Sunwoo, staring in his soul mercilessly.

"You really never would have told me? God, it is really frustrating when you find out, you never knew who your only friends really are. You are little boys, all you care about is fun. Grow the fuck up!" I scoffed at my broken state.

Being ashamed that I had let them do so much to me already.

I looked at all of them. Sunwoo, Juyeon, Jacob, Kevin and Eric. I was honestly disappointed.

And they were also guiltily looking back at me.

"What? Are you enjoying seeing me suffer under your game?" I asked.

"Look Y/N, we are truly sorry for what we did. I know it was immature and I promise we will make it up to you."

I scoffed again at Juyeon's words with a weak sarcastic smile on my lips.

"Do you think I still want to hang out with you guys? You betrayed me. I'm not dumb, I know you sprayed rumours around about me, just so everyone was going to keep their distance to me. And I think you didn't even realize that you did this so you had me just to yourself. While I was too blind of happiness. I hate you for what you did. I won't be your puppet any longer!" I made clear while my vision started to blurry because my eyes were getting teary.

Sunwoo grabbed my arm in desperation.

"Please don't break up with me." His begging voice sent a shiver down my spine.

"That's all you have to say? I think it would be the best if I would leave you and your games alone."

Tears started silently rolling down my cheeks.

But still, no one was talking or reacting. Just pleading eyes were looking at me.

"I wonder who will be the next victim. Whatever, I hope you will have your fun." I smiled pathetically and turned around.

"Don't leave us Y/N. We love you and never wanted to hurt you." Juyeon's calming voice stopped my movements.

I looked at him again.

"You love me so much that you forget how to care about my feelings? I loved you too, but it's over for now." I stated and left the hall.

They looked after me in sadness.

Third person's POV

"See what you did, Sunwoo!" Eric pushed him to the ground.

Sunwoo looked down, letting his tears fall on the ground as well.

"Now we all lost the only girl we ever liked!" Juyeon kicked Sunwoo in his stomach, making him clench his jaw in pain.

"Stop, Y/N doesn't like when we hurt someone, especially each other." Kevin wanted to stop him from hitting the crying boy on the ground by grabbing his arm.

But he wouldn't budge and continued, making him bleed and bruised all over.

"She is gone now!" Juyeon yelled and kicked Sunwoo again, earning quiet cries and groans from him.

"It's enough!" Jacob shoved him away from the almost defaced Sunwoo.

"You can't hurt your best friend!" He reminded him with a strong tone.

"But he stole the girl that was supposed to be mine. It's his fault she left us!" Juyeon defended himself.

"We all lost her, Juyeon. But you don't have to hurt Sunwoo even more. Don't you see him?"

Juyeon now looked at him, sitting on the ground, still crying, with bruises all over his body and a bleeding nose and lip.

Now he felt slightly sorry for overdoing it, although he knew that Sunwoo's beloved girlfriend just broke up with him. That alone surely were so painful for him already.

Of course it was too much to handle for him.

After all Juyeon is the older one and he should have kept his control instead of beating him up.

And Sunwoo had even endured it, he did not flinch a single time that Juyeon punched him.

"Hey, sorry bro." He tapped his shoulder in apology.

"I will take you home, come on." Jacob helped him to stand up so they could walk to his car.

•the next day•

Sunwoo walked through the busy halls of his high school.

He was sad, angry at himself and depressed.

He loved her so bad but he screwed up.

And he understood why Juyeon beat him up yesterday, he was glad so he wouldn't have to hurt himself for a while.

His head was down and the playful smile he always wore was completely gone.

Suddenly he felt a small hand grab him, that pulled him to the narrow room where stuff for the facility manager was.

He couldn't make out the face of the person that took him there until she was standing face to face with him in this room.

Now his eyes glowed, it was the prettiest face he had ever seen.

It was his girl, the one that broke his heart just yesterday. But all he cared about was that she was standing in front of him now.

Y/N's POV

It was me, and he had broken my heart even more.

"Who did this to you?" I wanted to know instantly, coming straight to the point.

"Huh?" He was surprised I even talked to him.

"Who beat you up like this?" I exerted more pressure in my voice.

"Oh, um.." Sunwoo looked down, suddenly so shy and insecure.

What was going on?

Usually he was the one that would do this to people that bothered him, but he would never let someone do this to his handsome face.

I wondered if his face was the only affected place on his body, so I slowly lifted up his thin t-shirt, exposing hurted muscles and bruises all over his stomach.

It looked really painful.

I never saw him being hurt that much. And it also affected me.

To know that I hadn't had protected him, made me feel guilty.

I felt bad.

"Sunwoo, who the fuck did this to you? And why did you let this even happen?"

He was looking in my eyes, down at me, not sure if he should tell the truth.

But I think he learned his lesson, lying is bad and has consequences.

"It was Juyeon. But it's fine, I allowed him." He talked unusually quietly and I didn't like it at all. I hated it.

I wanted my confident Boyfriend back that wanted to hold my hand the whole day and whenever he had the chance, kissed me to give me his love and affection.

Where was the old Sunwoo?

"Why?"

How could Juyeon do this to him?

He, no, all of them knew what I thought of physical aggression.

"I miss you Y/N." He cried in the crook of my neck after he had made a quick step forward.

When I didn't move, he put his hands around my waist and hugged me gently.

"It's been one day." I reminded him.

He could have handled that.

"Yes, but I know that I lost you forever." He hugged me tighter.

I heard him sniff his tears back.

"Why do you care so much?" I started patting his back lightly.

Even though he hurted me so much with his actions, I still cared about him. More than about anyone else.

"Because I love you Y/N."

He really did?

I knew he and his friends were a little obsessed with me, but he never actually said these three words.

And now I even knew, he wasn't the only one that had serious feelings for me.

Juyeon had done this to him because he was angry at Sunwoo that I left him, and also his friends.

I figured that he did this because he also had feelings for me. I could judge only by his look and body language the day before. And I wasn't sure if that was a good thing.

Iliked him too, everyone of them, but not the way I liked Sunwoo. It would make things even more complicated between us.

"Why did you do this to me then?"

Sunwoo backed away a little, so he could see my face properly.

"We didn't know you when we started this. But when we got to know you, each of us felt something. I guess we just weren't aware that we were having feelings for you because we never really had some for anybody. So we were toxic and manipulated you and everyone that was interested in you, so no one would steal you from us. And I'm so so sorry, baby. I wanna have you back, I promise I changed."

I was impressed that he had explained everything so truthfully.

And I was proud in some way.

He had always controlled me, but he also always was my little boy.

They all were clingy and needy around me, just how someone would act when they liked someone.

I think I could forgive him if he would prove to me that he had really changed.

But could I forgive Juyeon for doing this to his best friend, for losing his self control and letting him down like this?

"And why let you Juyeon hurt you? You are supposed to be kind to each other, as friends. He truly hurt you. Look." I stroked my thumb over his lip where a little bit of dried blood was left.

On his left cheek was a big, green and blue bruise that went up to his eye. It was a bit swollen and he couldn't open his left eye completely.

I forgot everything around me and just admired his his cute baby face. Even if he looked a bit tired and miserable, I still found him utterly adorable.

"I wanna kiss you, Y/N." He whispered, when I noticed our position and that he was staring at me as well.

But I just didn't care anymore what he had done to me, I was sorry for what his friend did to him and that he was sad because I left him.

So I shove all my doubts away and tiptoed so I could kiss his full lips to convince my heart, that I had to give him another chance. It was everything I wanted at this moment.

I think I loved this boy.

Although it was probably pretty stupid of me to trust him again, I just needed him too much because he was everything I had and everything I always wanted.

He pressed me against his toned body and gave me a kiss full of love, to show me that I wouldn't regret choosing him over everything.

The gif and the pictures that I used for the cover are not mine, credits to the owners :)

#kpop imagines #kim sunwoo angst #kim sunwoo #the boyz #the boyz x reader #the boyz imagines

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astroninaaa · 3 years

Note

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

#c!techno critical #adding just in case #technoblade #c!technoblade critical #hot take ask!!!#i don't excuse his actions i just think things are not that easily said and done.#also didnt say it but i would NOT call him a mary sue. the only server mary sue is ranboo i am so sorry- LMAOOOO #that's not the concept of mary sue at all. it just- no it's just not i'm sorry #but i see where you're coming from anon and i respect your opinion!!! i just added my own since i said from the start #that i'd be saying what i thought of y'all's hot takes. if anyone just wants me to post your hot take and not say anything about it thats #fine! just lmk otherwise i Will comment on it i am a Law Major. i cannot Help Myself from Discussions #LMAOOOOOO

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shra-vasti · 4 years

Text

Without you

Pairing : Hong Joshua x reader

Type : Soulmate au, idol au

Genre : angst to fluff

Warnings : initial denial of the soulmate bond to not hurt someone special

Word count : 5.3k

Soulmate au type : In which two soulmates are connected through red string of fate and they can feel the tugging of the string when their soulmate is under 50 meters radar.

It was snowing softly when he first saw you, clutching your fist tightly cause the gloves didn't provide enough warmth to your body. Maybe that's the reason you didn't felt the tug at your left finger where the red string was attached but Joshua did. As soon as he felt the tug he snap his head in your direction, his heart beating loudly.

There you were in your dull red long coat and a matching red beanie, black jeans and snowboots. Your hair were loose and mini snowflakes adorn on your hair like the lightening on Christmas tree. You were breathtaking he concluded. Never once in his life he felt such a strong impact of someone but then again, he was fated with you, there was a reason you were his soulmate.

He smiled at your annoyed expression, how you complained your friend and stomp your feet, you may have stomp on his heart with that too but he would never tell you. He saw you walking upto the bus and hoping upon it. He didn't make an effort to approach you. He just stood there, his heart beating loudly as he saw you going further away till he couldn't feel the tug anymore but that wasn't a problem.

You were breathtakingly beautiful and he knew he would never forget your face ever cause now it was etched right on his heart and he knew he would recognize you even if you were in the middle of crowd.

Two delicate hands cup his face diverting his direction away from you. His eyes were met with a confused ones silently asking him where his attention was. He shook his head as he put a strand of her hair away from her face and smiled at her.

"Nothing. I just thought I saw someone familiar but I was wrong." he smiled at her. He couldn't just tell her he saw his soulmate, not when he knew it would break her apart. She still looked at him, a bit skeptical which made him chuckle to avoid the awkwardness building inside him. He felt like he was being caught doing something he was banned from.

"Are you sure? When I was coming out of the shop I saw you staring at the same place for a long time." She definitely saw him staring longingly at something or she was just being delusional. How wouldn't she when she knew he wasn't hers in first place.

"Haeun it's really nothing okay. I was just thinking at that time. Let me drop you home." he held her hand as he guided her towards her home. The walk was silent as compared to the other walks they have taken together. Both of them had some or the other thing occupying their mind.

"Will you stay the night?" Haeun asked not sure about his answer as she hugged him goodbye, it was worth a try though.

"I've a schedule in the morning." he smiled apologetically at her as he ruffled her hair when she pouted. "I can stop for an hour or so though." her face lit up after hearing those words from his mouth. He was always so busy with his schedules that even an hour more was more than enough to make her this happy. She pulled his hands and dragged him inside her house.

Haeun was preparing food for both of them since she insisted that it was getting late and she knew he would skip the meal to rest more. Joshua watched her from the door frame before making his way towards the counter opposite to where she was working.

He took in her form, how she softly hummed her favorite song while doing cooking, how she would hop to get things far away from her reach, how she had a habit of blowing her hairs out of her face. He adorn her with all of his heart and then his eyes landed on the permanent black band on her forearm and his smile faded.

She was one of Minghao's close friend and that's how Joshua met her. He enjoyed her company and so did she, it wasn't far enough when they started dating, Minghao was reluctant at first about the whole dating thing not because he didn't support two of his close friend but because Joshua was bound to someone else and Haeun wouldn't ever be able to meet the person she was bound to cause he died even before she could meet him.

She was one close friend Minghao had aside from his idol life and he tried to talk it out but Joshua and Haeun already started growing more fond of each other to even make sense out of Minghao's talking. Joshua genuinely felt for her and he cared about her a lot. No one knew her more better than him which made Minghao step back and let the two do whatever they wanted.

Joshua was the kind of person who would let his feelings take control of him and don't think of the long run and that's why he wasn't sure how to feel about you now that you kind of came into his life. He knew universe would make you two cross paths till you actually meet and he didn't know how to feel about that.

He promised Haeun that he will be there for her forever and he would always dodged her question about his soulmate so he didn't actually have to answer her and always went on with the classic 'they aren't in my life and we will see about it afterward'. He was a coward he knew but he was so sure that he was going to be in Haeun's life forever until he saw you and now he saw you everywhere.

Unconsciously he would imagine how it would be like if you were cooking meals for him instead of Haeun or how you would laugh at his jokes instead of Haeun. The idea itself seemed so endearing for him but it broke his heart at the same time. Someone was going to get hurt in the end and he didn't have the guts to break Haeun after all she has been in her life. But you didn't deserve the heartbreak too. You may have look up to being with your soulmate since the time you got your mark and it wasn't your fault it was him.

He totally blamed himself and his spontaneous life decisions. He blamed himself for always going with the flow instead of thinking it through. He blamed himself for not listening to Minghao and this all things came into his mind after only staring at you for like 5 minutes. He wasn't sure how much his heart was gonna betray him if you actually come and talk with him.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" her question made him startled since he was zoned out and she laughed at him. He laughed with her and help her with the serving as they began eating. He can always think about the outcome afterwards.

"When will you be free next time?" Haeun asked as she waved goodbye to Joshua after the dinner.

"Maybe after two or three weeks I'm not sure of the schedule. I'll let you know." he smiled as he got in the car waiting for him infront of her doorstep.

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Seoul was treating you way better than you had imagine. It's been a little more than a year since you came to Korea as an intern and the life was pretty amazing considering you always wanted to be independent. Seoul wasn't new for you, some of your friends worked here and you had compeleted your high school here before going overseas for the college.

This wasn't your first winter here but it was late winter inclining more towards spring when you first put your foot in Seoul, so now that you were experiencing the winter form the start, you realised how magical it was.

You got up from your bed keeping the track of time. You were going to meet one of your high-school friend whom you met during the time you were returning from your workshop. It's been a while since you last contacted her but you did remember her as someone whom you were really close with during your high school time. She helped you in adjusting a lot and made high-school easier for you.

Generally you didn't like people of your past inviting themselves in your present cause you always wanted to have a totally different lifestyle without caring of your past. You kept only selective people in your life and other were just some part of your past which you wanted to keep the same forever. But she wasn't someone you would cut off from. She had done a lot for you to do that. And you both knew each other better but busy college life forced you two to separate but you were happy to finally meet her.

You had been spending the last week with her and she told you a lot about her current life, her work, her new hobbies, her boyfriend everything and it made you really happy that she found someone for her. When you were in high school and you got your soulmark she was devastated to find out her soulmate was dead and it was really hard to handle her at that time but with time she just accepted that fact preaching that she was happy that at least one among you two was going to have their happy ending.

Your phone rang from your nightstand and you took a leap to dive towards it and smiled when her name popped up, Jung Haeun, before you could pick up the call she hung up. You were going to call her back when you noticed she had left a message for you which you didn't read and maybe that's why she missed call you.

"Sorry babe, I'll be running late since I don't have a ride so if you don't mind will you come pick me up at the central building. I'm here with my boyfriend, I'll introduce him to you at the same time. Whatcha say?"

You replied a quick yes to her and that you'll be there in 30 minutes and got up from the bed to get dress and head out. You were just planning to wear your jeans and jacket and go but now that she was introducing her boyfriend to you the least you could do was look presentable you thought. And got out of the house towards where Haeun was.

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You parked your car, taking your purse and sliding it up on your shoulder you got out of the car and locked it. You sighed calming your nerves, you had social anxiety and meeting even a single new person was a great task for you. Haeun was going to be there and she knows about it so it will be fine, you muttered to no one in particular.

You started walking towards the building, glancing a bit here and there to see if Haeun was around or even a mere silhouette of a girl with a boy beside her. You were looking straight as you felt a tug on your left ring finger making you stop abruptly in your spot. It was the first time you had felt the tug and your breathe hitched. You spun around on your heels towards the direction of the tug and you saw a boy around 5'10 height head towards your direction with his eyes locked on his left hand and his other hand holding a water bottle.

Sweat started forming on your hands and forehead, you didn't know what to do at this point, the thought of meeting Haeun and her boyfriend being completely abandoned from your head as your feet started moving in his direction. He looked up finally locking his eyes with your. His eyes widened, he wasn't expecting to meet you here out of all the places and times. You smiled at him wanting to take another step towards him when Haeun's voice called your name.

Your eyes followed her as she appeared from behind the boy locking her hand in one of his arm and smiling at him. She left his hands and walked towards you stepping in front of you to engulf you in a tight hug. You smiled at her, confusion laced on your face as you hug her back as tightly as possible.

You look towards the boy again as you gently rub circle on your ring finger with your thumb a habit you had picked on since the time you got that string attached on your finger, you gulped as you faintly assumed that your soulmate was Haeun's boyfriend, you wanted that to be false. You pulled the string to make sure you didn't assume someone else as your soulmate. Maybe you had a misunderstanding, but all of your doubts vanished when you saw his left hand's ring finger moving along with the pull.

"You are right on time." Haeun smiled as she let go off you, holding your hand as she dragged you towards him, finally introducing you two. "And this is Hong Jisoo or you can call him Joshua."

You smiled awkwardly at him, your throat suddenly dry and all the words jumbling inside your head as you blanking took in what's happening. You felt Haeun nudge you startling you a bit as you saw his extended hand. You gulped before reaching forward to held his hand in a firm handshake biting your lips slightly due to the wild emotions you were currently feeling.

"Excuse her, she' gets a little awkward while meeting new people but once you know her she's a sunshine." Haeun laughed proceeding to tell him about how you two became friends. You three were currently inside a cafe which wasn't crowded at all.

"Yah you two aren't talking much, why am I the only one talking?" Haeun complained crossing her arms across her chest and glared at both of you. How were you supposed to be all happy when you find out your soulmate was dating your one of the closest friend whom you cared about the most and from the stories you have heard about her, he didn't have any plan of leaving her.

"Well that's because you are the common ground here so you have to do the most talking." you smiled at her as you put both of your hands on your lap and clutch them tightly together. How were you supposed to get through this. The whole meeting was nothing but awkward. After sometime even Haeun could tell the tension between you and Joshua hadn't faded even though she thought it would as the time goes on. Joshua's face was full of guilt/ sympathy or a mix of both you couldn't tell.

Haeun told you how she met him and everything else which she didn't tell in the last one week. She informed you about him being an idol and told you to be cautious while spilling his name in front of anyone else. "She's the only one aside from Minghao whom I trust the most and I'm sure she will never do anything which will put your career or me in danger." she explained Joshua referring about you keeping their relationship as a secret. He nodded at her and smiled in your direction. You looked towards your empty plate silently praying for this to get over soon since you could feel your emotions taking a toll on you.

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"Shua Hyung, are you even listening?" Soonyoung asked as he look towards Joshua from the mirror of their dance practice room. Joshua locked his eyes with the younger one who was clearly frustrated with his lack of attention during the practice.

"Is something bothering you or what, you seemed to be losing your focus more from these past weeks. You keep on zoning out." Jeonghan said referring to the countless of time Chan had to separately teach him some moves because he couldn't remember due to him zoning out.

"I'm sorry. I will make sure this won't happen again." Joshua replied as he sighed.

"I think we should call it a day and practice tomorrow. I'm tired and it will be great for Shua too rest for sometime. I think he has a lot in his mind right now." Seungcheol said with everyone nodding and retrieving back to get their things and head towards their dorm room.

Minghao looked at Joshua as he packed his bag, his mind wondering if anything had happened in between Joshua and Haeun. They aren't the one to fight, they always talk their problems out and Joshua was never the one to lose his focus during their practices unlike now.

"Are things getting wrong with Haeun?" Minghao asked as both of them stopped and asked the other members to go ahead. The older just sighed, feeling quite a burden on his shoulders as he stood in front of Minghao. The younger had stopped him countless of time telling him to not get so close with his friend cause he knew well that if Joshua's soulmate would make an appearance someone would eventually get hurt. But Joshua didn't listen and he wasn't sure how he was going to tell anyone about the whole thing particularly to Minghao.

"Are you just going to keep on sighing and not say anything?" Minghao asked getting frustrated that Joshua only kept on avoiding having eye contact with him.

"I don't know how to say." Joshua said as he finally shot his head up, biting his lips and internally trying to form a correct way to let the things inside him out. He knew he had to tell someone and have their advice otherwise he would get crazy bottling up his feelings like that. He decided to tell everything to Minghao. He seems to be the right one given that he was the one to knock some sense into him from the starting.

"Just say it. There's always a solution to every problem."

Minghao took in the way Joshua was getting more nervous the more he got closer to explain. At other times Joshua would just come and rant about his problem and get done with it. Did he do something so terrible that he can't say anything about it? It wasn't like Joshua.

"Did you perhaps met your soulmate?" the question left Minghao's mouth even before he could think about it shocking both himself and Joshua. But the former didn't even need an answer to confrim as Joshua look down towards his feet, his shoulders slumping down.

"I'm sorry." were the only word that left his mouth as he look towards Minghao. Joshua didn't know how Minghao was going to react. He knew that the younger one was going to be very angry. But he couldn't lie to him, he was not only his friend but a family too.

"Why are you apologising me? I told you this was going to happen. Did you tell Haeun about this?" there wasn't any point in getting angry, it would require too much stress and energy and Minghao knew better than letting anger take a toll on himself.

"I didn't. How can I? I don't want to hurt her after all she has gone through but I can't get the hurt clearly evident in my soulmate's eyes when she found out I'm dating Haeun. And Haeun doesn't have the slightest idea about it." Joshua sighed for the umpteenth time.

"Wait. Your soulmate knows you are dating Haeun? When did all of this escalated so quickly? You found your soulmate and she knew about your relationship even when you are an idol and your relationship is kept a secret?"

"No. Actually I saw her few weeks ago for the first time but I was with Haeun and I didn't even think of making an effort to approach her. Then after I drop Haeun home she asked when I have my next schedule and I told her about it." Joshua spoke eyeing Minghao from time to time. Minghao just motioned him to finish his whole story.

"The next day she informed about meeting with her high school friend who was with her during the time she found out about her soulmate's death. She told me so much about her so I asked her if I could meet her since she played such a big role in her life and surprisingly she said that she would like if we both met and we did. But it turned out that her close friend was my soulmate."

Joshua finished as Minghao just blinked, his brain taking a while to process the information. "She didn't utter anything about her being your soulmate to Haeun?" he asked. Joshua shook his head.

"She knows Haeun's situation and they were pretty close. She didn't even make an effort to even show that I was her soulmate. She just sat there blankly but we had a brief moment before Haeun showed up and I knew she was more than happy to finally find her soulmate before Haeun me as her boy friend and I never once in my life felt so bad about myself."

Minghao nodded, it was no one's fault. Even if he tried, how was his Hyung going to get out of this situation he didn't know.

"When are you going to tell Haeun about her? You soon have to break up with her."

"I'm not going to tell her about this."

Minghao groaned, exactly what was going on Joshua's mind to even say that. "So you are going to date your soulmate behind her back?" Minghao's question threw him off guard as Joshua shook his head vigorously.

"See my soulmate is already very hurt and although this is going to be painful for both of us, she is already hurt. Both of us can't afford to hurt Haeun. I'm sure she will understand my decision. I've promised Haeun I'll be with her. I'm going to keep my words. I know this is impulsive and I don't know what will happen in the future but I care too much for Haeun to hurt her. Someone was going to get hurt because of me in the end, it just wasn't confirmed who but since my soulmate is already hurt then I'll let that be."

"You can't do that with her. You can't hurt her. I'll not allow you to do so." Minghao and Joshua's eyes widened as they took in the site of Haeun standing near their practice room's door which was opened fully. The members must have left it just like that.

"How long were present?" Joshua asked as Haeun took long steps to come near the two boys who were deeply discussing.

"Long enough to know what's the fuss is all about." Haeun replied as she wiped her tears away. She was heartbroken but she knew this day would come and although she had been mentally preparing herself for this day it still hurt like hell. But you didn't deserve what Joshua planning to give you. She didn't want to be selfish and steal away your share of happiness. She remembered about the things you did for her and she thought of this as a payback of all the things you had done for her. Joshua wasn't her in the first place but she was going to make sure that you not end up like her.

"Haeun listen, I know all of this is effecting you negatively and I know she's your friend but we will get through it okay. I'm not leaving you. I swear you don't have to worry." Joshua said as he cupped her cheeks. Haeun shook her head clearly in denial.

"You are once again being impulsive Joshua. Why don't you just sit down and think through about the situation than going with the flow. I want you to think of yourself and your happiness for once."

At this rate both of them had started crying and Minghao excused himself informing both of them that he will head to the dorms as he felt like he was invading their privacy.

"Haeun I can't hurt you. I promised you I will keep you happy."

"Joshua listen to me......"

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You were leaned against your kitchen counter as you waited for the water to boil. The countless days of crying left your throat sore. The emotional pain you were going through was actually starting to physically hurt you to the point you even search if people could die from a heartbreak.

You called in sick and the company you were currently working for allowed you to have some rest. At least the universe was letting you mourn properly. Your friends and Haeun did contact you but you just declined all of that saying you just needed some time alone.

You let the water cool down a bit before drinking it, immediately wincing at the sensation it created when you drink it. You got out of kitchen and headed towards your bed again. You had been inside the house for so long that even your own bedroom started to feel a little too boring for your like.

You plopped yourself lazyly on your stomach holding the pillow close to you as you let your mind wonder. Haeun looked so in love. You never once imagined you will meet your soulmate in such circumstances. He didn't try to contact you after what happened, may his love for Haeun was more than your bond. It wasn't his fault that he was bound to you, he had the right to reject you as his soulmate but that would happen only if both of you genuinely wanted to break the bond and you knew you were far from rejecting him.

Within these days thanks to your curious nature you found out more about him and his group. His music and voice was enough to calm your heart at the same time hurting you because you knew it belonged to someone else.

You couldn't imagine yourself being selfish enough to hurt Haeun and steal Joshua from her, if Joshua even wanted to be with you. You really wanted Haeun to be happy and she was. How will she react if she finds out her boyfriend is your soulmate? Will she be selfish and be with him still? Or talk it out with him to get back to you?

Fate had its own way and if you were fated with him, there was a reason to it. Maybe at the end of the road if you wait enough for him, he will come back to you?

Your thoughts were interrupted back as the ringing of your doorbell filled your ears. Your ring finger felt the tuck but you weren't sure about it. He couldn't be here not when he didn't want to show himself up after your meet. You weren't expecting anyone at this hour but you found yourself heading towards the door anyway. The bell rang again making you frustrated as you open the door without looking at the peephole.

"Joshua..." you looked at him, you weren't expecting him to even show up at your door step. He didn't even know your number. But before you could ask him to come inside the house he stepped in front of you stopping you mid sentence as he circled his one arm around you closing the door with his other.

You put your hands on his shoulder, unable to keep up your balance as he abruptly came so close to you. Bringing his other hand, he placed it on your nape taking a deep breath in leaned in pressing his lips on yours. Your eyes widened and you stood there stiff.

You felt his hand rub your back up and down to calm your nerves and he sighed in relief when he felt you visibly relax under him, finally kissing him back. The kiss was gentle both of you just enjoying the feeling of it. You didn't know what was happening but you didn't mind being this close with him. You didn't know if you ever were going to be this close to him so even if right now he was out of his mind, you mind didn't mind savoring this moment. You encircled your arms around his neck pulling him more closely.

He groaned but pulled away from the kiss, breathlessly looking at you. He removed the strands of hair out of your face before pecking your lips lightly.

You studied his face, he looked tired. His dark circle prominent and he was sweaty. His eyes were blood shot red, he was crying cause after crying for days you knew how the eyes looked like. You were sure yours weren't any different than his.

"Why are you here?" the question wasn't supposed to be this rude for the listener but you found yourself wincing at your own tone. "I didn't mean it in a rude way." you quickly added as you pushed yourself away from him.

"Am I not supposed to be here?" he asked tilting his head to the side and raise his eyebrows at you.

"It isn't like that." you said a bit too quickly for your liking and look away in embarrassment when you heard him chuckle.

"I'm here because of you, for you." he replied immediately looking down as you faced him. He knew he would once again kiss you senseless if he stared in your direction for long.

"What about Haeun? Did you tell her about us being soulmates?" us, the word itself sent tingles down his body. He like that us consisted of you and him. He liked the sound of that. No he liked the sound of your voice.

"She came to know about it." he said finally looking up and watching horror painted on your face.

"Then why are you here and not consoling her? Is she okay?" you asked him confused. Was she angry? Did she felt bad? Was she hurt? Were the words you wanted to ask but one at a time you didn't want to bombard him with so many questions.

"Relax. She was the one who helped me to figure out who I want to be with. She was right. I shouldn't get impulsive. When she asked me to be selfish for one time I couldn't even think about anything else than run to you. Without you, I can't imagine anything. Sure we don't know each other that well but I felt like I know you since eternity when you held my hand and I want nothing more than for you to keep on holding it till our last breath."

You smiled as tears ran down your face. It must have been so difficult for her but she still was the same Haeun from high school. He stepped forward engulfing him in a hug. You had him, you were more than happy.

"I'll always be there for you. You can lean on me now." he said as he kissed your forehand and rock you back and forth slowly.

"I'll always be there for you too."

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"It was hard without you, the thoughts of being alone scared me. So I spent my time foolishly, didn't even know how the time way passing. I didn't know anything. Even if it's hard, you don't have to be alone."

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irandomblogfulb · 3 years

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FATE: What happens when you get a bunch of middle aged white guys to adapt a cartoon for girls

Well, I just went through 6 hours of fate and I have a lot of opinions on it. Yeah, this is going to be long (slightly under 3k words) so putting it under read more and obvious spoilers.

PSA before delving right in:

1) Yes, I will be comparing to the original. Any comparisons are not through rose-tinted nostalgia glasses. There are parts here and there that I genuinely think were done better in the cartoon on a writing standpoint.

2) This is purely my opinion and overall negative. Don't like it? Don't read. I'm all up for discussion but I don't want another person crying to me about how I “ruined” their experience of the show.

3) If you like Fate then good for you. This isn’t me bashing people who like it.

I've spit it up into sub sections just for my own convince.

1. The problem with the 'I'm not like other girls' trope

This pertains to the entire Bloom-Sky-Stella love triangle. I wasn't as pressed about it compared to other winxers (and I loved Stella's and Brandon's relationship on my rewatch). In fact, I was okay with it. But then I sat down and watched the show and there's a lot of underlying problems with the love triangle. Particularly pitting Bloom and Stella against each other for Sky's affection.

Now this part of the love triangle I already didn't like. Correct me if I'm wrong, since I dropped the OG Winx after season 5 but the Winx while they did have their conflicts and arguments, never fought over a boy. I really appreciated that from the cartoon so seeing that live action would fall into that trap – I was mildly annoyed at that. Then it hit me. It's Bloom and Stella.

The seemingly ordinary girl vs the pristine princess of Solaria. If the title didn't give it away, you should get the point by now. Others have already called it by now but the "I'm not like other girl's" trope in itself, while seemingly feminist is actually misogynist. Saying the more masculine type of girl is better than the feminine is inherently misogynist. Stella, the prime princess, girly and feminine, is villainized by the love triangle. Sky's and Stella's relationship is toxic and Stella's overt co-dependence and jealousy are already big fat red signs - but Sky's and Bloom's relationship is built on how she's "different". Bloom isn't like Stella, she's "real".

2. Am I supposed to like Riven?

As the title puts it, wtf am I supposed to feel about Riven. Is he supposed to be a good guy? Do I root for him? Is he morally ambiguous? Because holy shit compared to OG!Riven, this guy is diabolical and much much worse! OG!Riven is an asshole and he teams up with the trix but his arc was very simple and easy to understand. He joins the bad guys, distances himself from the good guys, the trix betray his ass, he self-reflects in the dungeon - escapes and redeems himself. Net!Riven is so bad to the point where you can't redeem him and the writers don't even try. Freddie Thorp is good in his role. (however, he definitely doesn't pass for a 17-year-old. He's 26 and it shows) and he actually makes the cringe dialogue work. But he's way too diabolical and downright predatory. The scene where he forces Dane to gulp down his spiked drink - it’s worse seeing it than reading it. That grossed me out more than the gore.

What makes it worse, nobody properly calls him out. Beatrix kinda does on his homophobia – “Homophobic bashing by GIF” - and Sky does chastise him, but they still tolerate him. It is kinda funny in a way Sky has a whole ass arc about how he's enabling Stella's problematic behaviour by still dating her after she blinded her friend but doesn't realize he's doing the same for Riven.

The only person that really puts her foot down with Riven is Terra and nobody takes her seriously about anything she says.

Everyone is very laissez-faire around him and that's not how you respond to your friend being problematic. (Hey, kinda like the other girls sans Aisha are with Bloom!) Everyone surrounding Riven is so disgusting and the notion of him supposedly being a good guy is very hard to buy into. His whole relationship with Dane has a section of it’s own because there’s just a lot to unpack.

3. Stella I am so sorry

I'm also in the majority hating how they've tarnished Stella. Basically, they turned her into the stereotypical rich bully with mommy issues.

I get that Stella has an abusive mom but that’s no excuse to be a total bitch to her roommates. And no, her roommates shouldn't accept her back with open arms. And she doesn't even redeem herself - the girls just accept her back after her mom pulls her from Alfea.

And this is also another issue with the writing were the characters suddenly just change their opinions on a whim. Suddenly Stella likes the winx, suddenly Terra misses Stella even though having that girl literally gives her anxiety. Suddenly Aisha's on Bloom's side in the end.

This isn't me simping for the cartoon out of nostalgia. I was mostly okay with the idea of Stella and Sky hooking up. But Looking at it from a creative standpoint - looking at the source material, and the many paths you can take this character, the best thing Brian Young and co. can think of for her was turning her into the stereotypical rich bully that we've seen time and time again? No deconstruction no meta take, it's played out exactly how you’d expect it.

Again, this isn't me simping for the show. Purely from a creative standpoint Stella was such a major let down. There's so much to the character and Brian Young took the easiest, saturated path.

4. That one scene with Bloom's parents

You know the one. Mike unhinges Bloom's bedroom doors and Vanessa cusses out and insults her child like a petty teen bully. Forgetting how utterly cringey that scene was, you can't have her mom go batshit insane on her child, then act like she's this loving parent that cares so deeply about her daughter. Screw that! Vanessa deserved those 3rd degree burns! She invaded her daughter's privacy. Bloom didn't even do anything wrong!

I can't buy into this narrative of Vanessa and Mike being loving parents when they do something like that. Seriously who thought that was okay?

5. Pity Parties for everyone.

I already discussed this in Stella’s section but I don’t like the “it’s okay for me be a shitty person because my life sucks :)” narrative Fate tries to pull. They did it with Stella, Bloom, Riven.

What I liked about the first season of Winx Club is Bloom’s arc and her character as a whole. Because while she went through shit, from the Trix, to finding out she was adopted, her existential crisis, not feeling like she belonged, losing the dragon flame, she went through a lot. She didn’t throw a pity party. She didn’t whine, bitch and complain. She allowed herself to feel upset, took it as it is and tried to make lemonade out of lemons. And I respect that.

Net!Bloom is agrevating. She does some dumb, reckless stuff but it’s excused because she’s the protagonist? She let the war criminal out, the school gets taken over by the bad guys because of Bloom. Faragonda fucking dies because she let the war criminal out! The burned ones attacked the school because she let the war criminal out!!! But no, Aisha’s villainized for calling Bloom out because Bloom’s existential crisis is more important then anything else.

Getting to Sky, he isn’t as bad as the others. He doesn’t become a shitty person because of his problems. (Though lowkey flirting with Bloom while he hooks up with Stella is uh not good.) But he does come across incredibly whiny. Because of the cringey dialogue and the unnecessary swearing I can’t take his speech on opening up to Bloom seriously. I laughed throughout the whole thing and Bloom leaving his unconscious body there was the icing on the cake.

One of the few characters that deserved a pity party is Terra. She’s very much like OG!Bloom in a way. She is bullied by Dane and Riven, has body insecurities, anxiety, nobody listens to her and at most only tolerates her. Despite all the crap that is thrown her way she still reminds humble, kind, and respectful. And she is one of the few characters that deserves more support than what she got out of the season.

5. Bloom, Aisha, Tokenism and their awful relationship

I’m going to be upfront, their relationship sucks. The core of their dynamic is what Aisha can do for Bloom. It’s very one-sided. Bloom only goes to Aisha to help solve her problems, which Aisha gladly does – but when Aisha disagrees with Bloom or says something Bloom doesn’t like, Bloom suddenly goes off and Aisha’s made to be the bad guy. Even though she’s right? And Aisha has her own problems as well, shown to also struggle with her powers. But nope, that’s pushed to the back burner because Bloom needs help.

I am all for creative freedom. I can stomach Stella x actual Sky. I can stomach turning Stella into a rich mean girl. I can stomach the dark academia aesthetic but what Brian Young and co. did to Aisha is just plain racist. Screw the “it’s an adaptation” excuse. Turning this character who had a rich storyline and was a princess into a white girl’s magical negro who fixes all her problems is racist and by definition tokenism. And by whitewashing the other two characters of color, making Aisha the only poc in the group – that’s the worst thing you can do to her.

And frankly we need more black princesses on screen.

6. Dane and the homophobia of the show

Towards the show’s climax it’s revealed Dane is helping Beatrix because she accepts he’s “different”. Not only does this go back to my pity party rant but like bruh,

1) Beatrix never really did anything for Dane? She hung out and smoked with him a bit, but that’s all. You’re telling me Terra wouldn’t accept Dane? Beatrix never helped him and he never really opened up to her about his struggles.

2) Nobody else, not even background characters bully or harass Dane for being “different”. It’s only Riven, the guy he’s crushing on. The whole falling in love with the bad boy/abuser trope is bad in a hetero relationship and that still stands for a gay one. And I know damn well if Dane was a woman half of the shit Riven did to Dane wouldn’t slide.

It makes no sense for Dane to side with the bad guys when Riven’s the one bullying him and Beatrix is complacent in the bullying. Oh, and having your second black* character who’s also lgbt+/potentially questioning be a villain? Not good.

I’m all for gay and poly rep, but not like this. If Stella and Sky’s toxic relationship is going to be called out for what it is, why not Dane’s?

*Idk if Theo Graham is light-skinned black or biracial so I’ll just refer to him as black.

7. The plot

It’s very predictable. Personally, wasn’t fond of the ‘twist of a twist of a twist’ style of writing. The story tries to be nuanced and deep but it’s not. Common sense is treated like a big revelation. Not trusting the war criminal you barely know isn’t as big of a take that the writers try to make it out to be.

8. Everything else

· Beatrix is fine. No Icy but did like the gothic bookworm aesthetic.

· Sam is just there to be Musa’s love interest and provide some dumb drama between Musa and Terra. I thought they’d go the Edward/Bella root – Musa’s drawn to Sam because she can’t sense his emotions for some reason. Nope, they just get together for the obligatory make out sessions. Don’t care much for the relationship or the character.

· Since the powers are all elemental shouldn’t there be classes purely for an elemental? Classes purely for fire fairies, etc?

· Musa’s powers are confusing. If she has no control over them and they are “always on”, shouldn’t her eyes constantly be glowing purple? Very wishy washy. Sometimes they overwhelm her and other times she has complete control. Her character is just there for plot stuff.

· Terra is one of the better characters but can’t enjoy her knowing about the whitewashing. Why can’t we have a plus sized character just exist and not have body issues?

· Sky doesn’t feel like a prince. Characters treat him like his dad is a war hero and not the King of Eraklyon. There was a point where I thought I misheard and thought his dad was just a war hero and not a king.

· Why try to justify Rosalind’s war crime if she’s going to be the big bad anyways?

· The way the characters treat death/act around death is very weird. Musa and Terra see a pile of dead bodies and they’re unreasonable calm. Especially Bloom an “ordinary teenage girl from earth”, reacts very nonchalant when death and war crimes are brought up. Doesn’t help the show tries to push this “they’re kids fighting a war” narrative.

· Can’t buy into the girls’ friendship. The Aisha/Bloom dynamic is centred on what Aisha can do for Bloom. Bloom only cares about herself and only goes to her friends to help with her problems. Most of Musa’s and Terra’s interaction centre around Sam. Stella didn’t care for the girls until her mom showed up and pulled a 180. The girls were quick to turn on Aisha when she sided with the adults.

· I have no problem with technology existing but why do they have Instagram, Tiktok and Tumblr? The otherworld is a completely separated from Earth, why do they have the same technology?

9. Brian Young, what do you mean by mature?

I grew up on the 4kids dub before transitioning to the Nick dub for season 4 and 5 then dropping the cartoon for good. So naturally on my rewatch of the cartoon I decided to go watch the RAI dub since I heard it’s more accurate and 4Kids are infamous for their horrid localisations straying too much to the source material. Upon finishing season 1 and currently watching season 2, a few things took me by surprise. For one, the cartoon is surprisingly dark. The schools are at war with the Trix and their army of Darkness, Sky almost dies in Season 2, Riven almost dies and the Trix thinks he suicided, it’s heavily implied in Season 2 Darkar murdered some of the pixies, the paedophilic undertones of Bloom and Avalon’s relationship, the list goes on.

When the interview with Brian Young came out, he said Fate would be a mature take on the cartoon. And I wondered, what did he meant by mature? Was he going to delve deeper into the darker aspects of the show, or did he mean he was going to have the girls swear and have sex? Watching Fate, I found my answer.

If you take out the gore, swearing, drug and alcohol usage from the live action, the maturity is on par with the RAI dub. The difference is in the presentation. This is what sucks about the mentality surrounding live action remakes. Because the OG!Winx was colourful with glittery transformations , was super girly and overall had a positive upbeat tone (not forgetting 2D animated) - it can’t be taken seriously. You have to strip all that, the colour, the kindness, the femininity in order to be deemed mature.

10. Wrapping up

I went into Fate expecting the worst and honestly, it wasn’t that bad. There were things I liked about it. The show looks pretty, and I did like what they were trying to do with Sky’s arc. The actors did what they could with the material. Freddie Thorp made the cringe dialogue work and Abigail Cowen proves she can carry a show as the lead.

Fate is your generic, YA, dark academia show. It follows all the tropes of the YA genre to a T. If that’s your niche, then you’ll love Fate and I’m not bashing anyone who liked it.

For me, as a creative, it doesn’t capitalise on the strengths of the source material. I’m not asking for Winx Club again, as I’ve reiterated, I’m all for creative freedom. But Brian Young, Iginio Straffi, whoever worked on this – they could’ve created something new, innovative, something that stood out from the hordes of other YA shows. They had good material in their hands! But what I got - I’ve seen before, and I’ve seen it done better. That’s a major disappointment.

As a winx club fan, don’t bother watching this. It’s a very diluted version of the Winx. In trying to capture the interest of the adult fans who grew up with the franchise – Iginio showed how out of touch he is if he thinks this is what they wanted.

#fate the winx saga #netwinx #back on my winx club bs #long post #this took me like 4 days to write

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theteapotofdoom · 4 years

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I'm starting to get why a lot of the shigadabi shippers don't like dabihawks and block/avoid the tag. I liked dabihawks foe a while but I'm starting to see the potiental for Hawks just being an add and manipulating and using Dabi, then betraying him and the league without batting an eye. NONE of the shippers wanna admit it. They're all "noes, hawks would lay down his life for dabi, hawks is perfect" and all this fake crap, but it's SO far from canon, so much of a stretch. 1/2

I think I pretty much said everything I had to say about d*bih*wks in that post. So I don’t really want to open that can of worm again, for the sake of my followers who might be getting tired of seeing me talk about it, and also for my own mental health.

But yeah, I agree with most of the things you said here. These are definitely some of the reasons why I hate this ship. There are, unfortunately, many more reasons, but I’ve already talked about them in that one post I linked.

I just want to add something because you mentioned the toxicity of some of the shippers. Back in summer 2018 when the ship peaked, I got harassed by a bunch of d*bih*wks shippers, literally just for being a Shigaraki fan and Shigadabi shipper. I’m well aware that there were surely just a loud and toxic minority, and that most of the shippers are probably chill, but this yet another reason why now, just seeing a pic of these two characters side by side gives me MASSIVE anxiety to the point where I have to turn everything off and walk outside. (And I know that other people had issues with some shippers on other platforms, so this wasn’t exclusive to Tumblr).

So yeah, if you also had unpleasant interactions with some people, I’m really sorry and I hope you’re okay now! Stay safe my friend, treat yourself with the things you love and block and mute blacklist what you need!

And of course, as always, just enjoy your things and without annoying anyone. I hate this ship more than anything, but there are many people who are just shipping it without bothering anyone and just minding their own business and they’re allowed to do so. I’m perfectly happy living my best life and forgetting that this ship even exists. I’m pretty sure that I have some friends who ship d*bih*wks, but they know that I have negative emotions associated with this ship and so carefully tag their content and respect my boundaries, and I do the same with them.

Just create a safe space for yourself and let everyone be! That’s always the best way to do it!

#look at me being tired and petty on main #anyway this ship doesn't exist in my head and I'm happy this way #stay safe and live your best life

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sunshinee-sunflowerr · 3 years

Text

When I saw this I was immediately triggered and that’s how I knew I had to share it. Other than the fact that it is important as fuck to share something like this. But the second part of that post almost aligns with what had happened to me with my ex Dan. I have issues with sexual dysfunction and tend to lose feeling down there and that leaves me feeling betrayed by my own body. I feel so worthless and pathetic already as it is when it happens because I’m sensitive and it is humiliating when I start to cry. I don’t even get to like fully enjoy something so intimate because I’m a very passionate person and I love all types of deep connection. And he ruined it. It had stopped being such a beautiful thing for me. The second I asked him to stop and that I had mentioned I wasn’t enjoying it, he became the person I didn’t think he could truly ever be. He laid down on me. Like I’m talking all of his weight was on me, and he whined about how good it felt to stay in me and finish. I felt nothing and everything all at the same time, I wasn’t being heard, I was just a body, and I didn’t matter anymore. This was someone who was stronger than me. This was someone who I loved and straight up disrespected me to the point where I myself are in a traumatic position, I had to literally match his thrusts just so he’d come faster because I knew that was the only safe way to get him off of me. And that was humiliating and violating. I had no other choice. And to this day this man still tries to say he didn’t rape me but SIR WHEN YOU DO SHIT LIKE THAT YOU ARE A FUCKING RAPIST. YOU IGNORED MY PLEAS AND MADE ME FEEL SO UNSAFE AND I FELT LIKE MY BODY WASN’T EVEN FUCKING MINE ANYMORE. YOU GAVE ME PTSD FOR ALL THE OTHER FUCKED UP TIMES THAT I HAD LET SLIDE BECAUSE I FELT COERCED INTO IT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID AND I KNOW WHAT YOU DID. And what had haunted me every time I wanted to go somewhere, I had to take my car. It happened in my car. I had to drive myself after that with cum dripping down my legs. I had to see a flashback every time my mind drifted towards the back. I will never EVER let myself be in that position again. Dan broke me. I’m the one who pulled myself out and I’m still healing.

It was from 2016 and trauma tells no time, I’m lucky I don’t feel the weight of your body still pinning me down during intimate times. I saw you in the faces of whoever was on top of me. I would get panic attacks and cry. You fucking ruined me and my trust and I will ruin you if you ever dare try to come into my life again.

The Relationship Aspect:

Not many people know about the sleep fucking, or when you would take my thumb out of my mouth when I was asleep because I still had some hard time sleeping so I would suck my thumb sometimes and you would replace your it with your dick and then ejaculate down my throat and I'd wake up to such a horrible taste. My inner child does scream for she was only 15-17 and I let it slide because you had so much power over me and I did so much to make you happy even though it didn't make me happy myself. Let's not forget when I wasn't in the mood sometimes so you would turn around away from me with no sound nothing and straight up fell asleep because I said no or that I don't want to have sex with you. And then there were times where you would sexualize me, you would look up my skirt or you would look at my pants and tell me about my panty lines and basically scare me and make feel little. You were constantly pointing them out and laughing, conditioning me even to never wear comfy underwear, I have more thongs than any type of other underwear. And now I'm finally getting used to wearing normal underwear again just because I was felt like someone was doing the same shit that you did to me. I felt grimy. And let's not forget when you would steal my panties and you would bring them home and jerk off in them and cum in them and to top it all off you would bring them back to my house and throw them in my dirty laundry so they can be washed so you can repeat that cycle. And the worst part is that you probably took some before we broke up and I never got them back. Fuck you. How about all those times you never asked if you could cum in me but you still did even though I fucking hated it, and you’d get mad at me when your sheets were ruined because of you the mess you made in me and I still fucking hate it it's only such a rare occasion for me to ever let that happen during any intimate moment now. Also let's not forget your greediness for my photos. My naked photos that you kept to get off to even after we broke up and still demanded more and other shit when I was with someone else it was disgusting.

The Party:

Oh here’s a memory that’s gonna be fucking me soon, once late October arrives I’m going to be thinking about that night I decided to try and most past you. That fucking college party was the biggest gray area that was so painful and smoggy. It was grey because I was still figuring my shit out and mentally screwed up from the actions of you. I'll never forget, how are used to feel guilty and how are used to blame myself for all of this. And I got to a point where we had mutual friends and I just wanted to forget all about it and learn to forgive you. As soon as ready, Matt and I went to that party that Anthony was throwing and you were there, and you had no problem laughing off your drunk ass I front of me about rape jokes. If I hadn't been high and Matt being so drunk we would've left and I remember calling my mom in the hallway crying telling her about that little part of what happened that night. And then later that night you got so fucking drunk, made everybody your babysitter and I still fucking hate myself for the side you brought out even though you caused me so much harm. You brought out my fucking maternal side which I hated because like I said in that moment of time it wasn’t black or white for me, it was grey. It was so fucking gray. And I took care of you that night because you were so fucking drunk, I remember you asking me or saying something about how I hated you. And then later that night I ended up sandwiched between you and Matt, and you decided to touch me through my pants even when I was cuddled up to Matt and I thought maybe there would’ve been some change but in the end you were still assaulting me. I didn’t sleep at all that night, and it sent me backwards, I felt like all of the progress that I had made was gone it was dehumanizing and I threw out those sweatpants and they were brand fucking new and they were Calvin Klein my favorite designer which hurt even more because I used my money to get something I really wanted for comfort and you just stumble in cocked off of what 3 beers? And ruin even the smallest things that could’ve made me more comfortable? Heinous and out right disgustingly disrespectful.

Trauma talk aftermath:

I betrayed myself sleeping with you even after the rape, and you knew so much about me so I couldn't even fucking report it even though I had the proof of you admitting to what you did. But Im always scared because my reputation was at stake and it was so easily corrupted by your lies as it is. I had no choice. You could've easily ruined my life and I wasn't about to let you so I ruined mine but little did I know that you were already ruining mine. And you still haven't taken accountability for your actions and I'm still suffering the consequences of those horrible behaviors that you were still using to this day probably. And I can't even imagine how many other girls like me there must be now.

Here's to all the nightmares that circulate in my head at night still in that feeling of fear of having and experiencing that PTSD kick into hyper drive. And all the ones I've yet to have when I have new partners in my life, because I have nightmares of them doing the same thing that you did to me and it's traumatizing. Because even though I know they are not you for that split second I am terrified of them. And I saw another post about how when sexual assault survivors even get a whiff of the scent of their abuser they are in panic; and I honestly don't blame them. I was at school the other day, and in the air I smell whatever type of detergent was used to fill the air with your scent, I was in panic for a couple minutes looking around trying to figure it out where you were. It's so fucked up that you've had such lasting effects on me like why isn’t hating you and going through all of that trauma shit enough. And I'm so tired of the panic and anxiety attacks that you still bring into my life whether it is indirect or direct.

And looking back now after going off of that and emotional spiel about what you did and how I still feel towards these events today. I realize all the ways how I am not gonna be treated in the future. You saw the light inside of me, and when you stepped into my life that light dimmed within each day that passed that I saw who you were. And it took all of my power away; but I am taking all of that power back and you will never ever use it again and you will never have it in your possession because I know I will forever be a better person and not let you win. And I know that I wasn't a good girlfriend at the time as well but you were also I'm manipulative narcissistic asshole. And I blamed myself for all of the times that I was mad at you and thought I deserved it all. And I deserve none of that shit. It was you that didn’t deserve me and all the love I gave you. All of clothes I bought you, all of the stupid ass Pokémon cards i grabbed for you because I knew it was important to you to collect them, all of the silly $7 cards to go with each thing I gave you. All of the handwritten notes. Helping you match your clothes and fold your shit. Fuck you and for all you have taken from me and didn’t even fucking say sorry or be truly appreciative.

More Trauma Talk 2020-2021 edition:

Consent is so important to me, because it was stolen from me as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult. I want to take a moment to also talk about my second ex-boyfriend named Dan as well how ironic I never thought I'd say I love you Dan ever again. But the first night we hooked up, he was so patient with me which in all honestly is sad but it truly took my breath away with the time that he spent on me making sure I knew that I was safe because he knew that I have been raped. And every once in a while he asked me if I was OK and I thought that was the most amazing thing ever little did I know that that's actually what you're supposed to do and that it's not the bare minimum. And after all of that he still had one of those moments where he traumatized me and put me back into the place where you had put me days before Christmas… which is now a tainted holiday as well as Halloween for me. Thanks a lot.

Wow… fuck this is a lot for anyone let alone me to endure and/or read and I just want to say that felt so fucking good to finally write it all down and speak my truth and let others know that not every sexual assault or rape has to be violent (well it’s violence either way, but you know getting the shit beaten out of you stereotypical type) it can be sweet until it turns sour, it can be public, it can be sneaky, it can be with someone you gained the ability to trust who was so good in the beginning. It can be anyone and that’s the real scary part because I don’t know whose intentions are actually true until they read my stuff and reassure me about how they feel about me. It’s the only way and even then I’m still scared of wanting to be intimate with someone new. It’s another strong reason as to why I am practicing celibacy for a bit.

Finished on 9/20/2021

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forkanna · 3 years

Link

[AO3] [WATTPAD]

WARNING: A tiny bit NSFW here and there.

--------------------------------

Unfortunately for the oil slick that had been created in Rise's underpants, they only had enough time to share some bashful smirks before someone knocked at the door. And who should it be but…

"Goooood MORNING!" Chie announced with her hands on her hips. "Who wants to go for a run around Okinawa?!"

Rise's grin was a lot more awkward than she wished it was. Allegedly, she was an actor, right? Where did those skills disappear to? "Um, not right now. I was kinda in the middle of something. B-but thanks for like, thinking of me! Of us! Or…"

By now, Chie's eyes were narrowed very suspiciously. "In the middle of what, exactly?"

"Um… in the middle of… having a nice conversation?"

"Uh huh. Is that why your lips are all shiny like you've been making out with somebody?"

The sound of a throat being cleared drew both of their attentions to just behind Rise's shoulder. Ai was standing there, hair a little messy but still as nice as Rise's; Chie had actually worked on her hair before setting out and it remained unimpressive as ever. Plus there was the baggy t-shirt that somehow hung so well on her frame that she looked like she was modelling it.

"My God," was all Rise breathed.

"Can we help you, Bowl Cut?"

"Uh, no, it's no big deal," she said a little more nervously now that she was addressing someone who wasn't part of the Investigation Team, scratching the back of her head. Especially given all their bad blood lately. "Like, if you don't wanna go for a run, I'm not gonna twist your arm… into…"

For a second, it was a mystery why her words had faded out. But Rise noticed her line of sight was pointing in a downward trajectory, off to one side. Following it, she eventually noticed…

"H-hey!"

"Holy shit, it's real. I was still kinda on the fence whether or not I… but like, there it is! Right fuckin' there!"

Ai folded her arms over her chest — which did nothing to hide the minor bulge in question. Her cheeks were the tiniest bit rosy, which was the only thing that betrayed to Rise that this actually hadn't been done intentionally to wind up the tomboy; her girlfriend had probably been too distracted by having just enjoyed her first brief encounter with sex to remember to tuck.

"You wanna touch it?" she demanded.

"HUH?! Whoa, whoa, no way!" Then she held up a hand as an awkward smile flickered into being. "N-not that it's anything against you, bro! I'm just not, uh… I'm not into dick!"

"Suit yourself," Ai snorted with a shrug. "But you seem really fascinated."

Rise took a step to the side to hide Ai from view. It was like breaking a spell; Chie blinked and then snapped her eyes upward again, looking as sheepish as a person could. "Come back when you've decided you wanna touch it. Otherwise, like, if there's nothing else…?"

"Come on, Rise, don't…" She continued in a stage whisper, "I've never seen one on such a girly body before, it's not something you see every day! Or ever, probably, for some people! You don't-"

"Goodbye, Chie. Go take a cold shower!"

Once the door was shut and they heard a quavering whine accompanying the receding footsteps, Ai actually did chuckle a little. "Well, that was a fun diversion. This might even be the best day ever."

"You were mean," Rise said with a roll of her eyes. "And I thought you were trying to be careful with that thing!"

"Well…" That certainly took the wind out of her girlfriend's sails, and now she could see the anxiety in her eyes. "Yeah. I got so comfortable that I let down my guard. But it's all on me, not you, Kujikawa."

After taking a deep breath, she crossed to her suitcase as she offered, "Chie's not gonna be mean about it. I mean, she's where I was when you first told me, so she'll say something dumb sometimes, but c'mon, you can give her the benefit of a doubt. Right?"

"No."

"Ebi-chan!"

"Fiiineee," she drawled out with an exaggerated sigh as she began to strip. Rise averted her eyes automatically — silly as that was. They were dating, she had just gone down on her! Why was she still so shy?! "She's not gonna be my new best friend. Really, she's kind of a bitch, despite being family."

"So are you," she shot right back, and earned a little laugh from Ai. "Are… you going to shower first?"

"Oh — no, you can if you want," she automatically said, caught in mid-step toward her own suitcase.

"No, no, it's fine! I'm sorry, I just wanted to make sure."

Ai just dug out her things, not responding for the moment. But when she did… "Who says we have to do it separately?"

"Huh?" When she looked over to see the scintillating nude form of Ai standing nearby, smirking at her, she somehow managed to focus on her face. Even though everything was on display. Did she have to be so hot?! "Together? Like… washing each other, and… touching…?"

"Hey, it's supposed to be normal for girls, right? I just…"

The way Ai's brow furrowed told the whole story; Rise found she couldn't bear to hear it aloud. As new and unexplored as her feelings were, she loved her so much and hated thinking about how she had to grow up as a "boy", never getting to share in the experiences that sisterhood brought. Rise herself had missed out on some of them due to her fame, but at least she had a fairly normal childhood up until her teenage years.

"Sure, I'd love to take a bath with you," she told her with a small smile. Ai returned it very briefly before looking away awkwardly — so she stood and left her toiletries behind for the moment to take up her girlfriend's hands in her own. "I would love to. Like, do you know how long it's been since I had a good back scrub?"

"Probably a whole two days," she joked, even though she was smiling more now that they were touching — awkwardly shifting near each other, toes brushing each other on the tatami… "You pampered little shit."

"Hey! I am not, I… even when I'm on tour, I work hard and don't have time for that. Well… okay, I get massages by my trainer, but it's more so I don't have any physical problems that keep me from doing my dance moves on stage, stuff like that."

Ai's playful smirk faded slightly. "You really do have to bust your ass, huh?" She bit her lip for a moment. "Sorry, it's just so easy to be a bitch and tease you… but you work hard. You just make it look easy."

"No, no, I know you're just teasing most of the time. But I also feel like, the sooner I tell you what my life's really like, the sooner you'll know me. And I want you to — I want to know you!"

"Well, at least we can agree on that one." She took another little step forward, and Rise tried not to focus on the way their breasts squished together, on the tiny bump of the bulge running into her panties — actually touching the insides of her thighs, she couldn't believe someone's dick was on her skin! Anyone's! This was too hot to be allowed. Perhaps if she had gotten off earlier like Ai did, this wouldn't be an issue for her, but right now she felt like the slightest spark would set her ablaze — and already was, more or less. Feeling the vague hints of moisture from her own mouth, and Ai's climax… "I'm loving getting to know the real you. Might seem like I don't care, or I just use it to give you hell, but…"

Rise giggled a little, reaching back to rest her hands on that firm little ass. Trying to give as good as she got, despite how distracted she was. "It does seem like that sometimes. Not all the- sheesh, what's your workout routine?! This is like, two little bubbles of granite!"

"Shhh," she half-chuckled as they leaned their foreheads together. "I've never heard of a bubble of granite before. But yeah, maybe I'll let you and Chie in on it. Might pick up some tips from her, too; she's pretty buff. Not that I want to be buff but fit, yes."

"Me, too; we both agree on that one." And because she was slowly starting to figure this shit out more and more… "Even though for you, it's a different reason. For me, it's part of my job, but it's your whole life."

Ai nodded approvingly — appreciatively. "Exactly. But that doesn't mean it's not just as ball-busting for both of us."

"Maybe a little less for me, since I don't happen to own any balls." They both laughed, then enjoyed a brief little kiss. "Mm… oh wow, that's so nice. Just getting to do that like it's no big deal anymore."

"Yeah?" Another one, and this lasted a few seconds longer. "Okay, I have concluded that… yeah, it's nice."

"Mmm, yeah…"

Honestly, Rise lost track the time after that. She just loved being so close to Ai, having the luxury of forgetting that the world might not exactly approve of their love, that they had nearly lost each other, that her friends didn't understand Ai… all of it mattered so little in the long run. Whenever they did finally come up for air, they were panting and their arms had seemingly been all over their backs and heads and chests. Rise wanted to ask Ai to return the favour from earlier, but was too nervous about what it would be like to actually give voice to her desires. So she just enjoyed the moment.

"Okay, we better shower before they beat us up for taking too long," Ai snorted.

"They won't beat us. Well… Chie might smack me, but only because we're friends. She doesn't know you well so she would never try even that."

"She'd better not smack you around me. I'll pull her hair out." While they talked, she even started trying to take off Rise's clothes.

"Oh."

Ai's hands stilled. "This… is okay, isn't it? You can stop me, but I figured we're… about to bathe…"

"N-no, no, it's fine! I just wasn't thinking… about it, um…" She cleared her throat, trying not to focus on how her heart was racing. "Can you go in and start the bathtub running? And I'll join you."

Ai smirked a little and patted Rise's hip. "Gotta psych yourself up? It's all good. Come in whenever you're ready."

"H-hey, no fair calling me out when you have this going on." But when Ai took an instinctive step back the moment Rise's fingertip came into contact with the tip of her semi-arousal, she winced. "I'm sorry."

"No, no, you're fine. No big deal, I just… it's not easy getting used to this. We're both awkward, it's… yeah." Then she smiled a very warm, un-Ai smile as she backed toward the bathroom. "See you in a minute?"

Again, trying to keep her eyes pointed up at her face instead of elsewhere, she managed to breathe, "Yeah."

Which only left Rise trying not to pull her hair out, literally shaking from the force of her anxiety. When they first embarked upon this little vacation, her greatest hope had been that she and Ai might kiss and make up — in a literal sense. That was it. How had they gone so far past those expectations that she had literally gone down on someone for the first time? And sure, she knew bathing with another girl was no big deal; she had done it before, many times. But with Ai… that was going to be different for a multitude of reasons.

Maybe it didn't have to be. Taking a breath, she finished slipping out of the rest of her clothes and grabbed for a towel to wrap around her body, feeling light-headed and awkward but excited. So what if more ended up happening? This was her girlfriend; if it had been a boy, she would have been a little more worried she was being taken advantage of, but she knew Ai was a lot more concerned about letting someone get too close than about "getting pussy". Everything would be fine; she had to believe that.

"H-hello?" she called out as she knocked lightly on the door.

"Are you room service?"

"Huh?!"

"Get in here, you idiot."

Feeling adequately chagrined, Rise slid the door open… and gulped when she saw Ai's nude form again, already perched on the low hinoki stool, knees up close to her chest. Though she was leaning forward slightly, it looked more like it was for comfort than out of modesty. Still, somehow the sight of Ai's silky smooth back hit her differently than seeing any other girl in such a position.

"Wow…"

"Sh-shut up already," Ai sighed, trying to appear unaffected. And failing spectacularly. "You said you'd wash my back… you don't have to if you-"

"No, no, I want to." So she shut the door behind her and reached for the washcloth and the showerhead. When Ai yelped from the feeling of the water hitting her back, she hissed, "Sorry!"

"Don't you check the temperature before you get started?!"

Again, she felt like she was a little kid being yelled at by her mother. So she cleared her throat and whispered, "Y-yes…"

Taking pity on her, she looked over her shoulder. "Will you relax? Like, anybody could tell you're freaking out. Just take a breath, dude."

"I'm not a 'dude'," Rise grumbled as she felt the water hit a comfortable temperature and moved it to splash over Ai's back, wetting down the bottom half of her hair. When she felt that, Ai pulled her hair up and out of the way, though she didn't seem to have… "Where's your shower cap?"

"My what? Oh… I never use one."

"Really?!" When Ai shrugged, Rise said, "But what if you have to take a quick shower and don't want to worry about your hair?"

"Uhh, I just always wash my hair? Or I don't shower if I really don't have time; just use a little deodorant and an extra spritz of perfume."

Rise almost said aloud that it was such a boyish attitude toward personal grooming. But she caught herself; Ai would not appreciate that comment, and she didn't want to hurt her girlfriend or start an argument. "Right, right, it's… that works."

"Don't sound so superior," she accused her with a tongue stuck out as she turned back, letting Rise begin to scrub her skin with her soap-lathered washcloth. "That's only happened a few times. Well… since I started transitioning, anyway. Before that, I hated how I looked so much that I didn't care if I showered more than once a week."

"EW!" Rise burst out. Ai chuckled a little, which at least let her relax and laugh with her. "Well hey, I'm glad I caught up with you after you stopped living like a troll under a bridge. Wow, that's nasty."

"Right?" At least they were in agreement; no arguments. Rise didn't think she could handle another one. "Like, I feel so much better about myself now that I'm literally taking care of myself. Sounds so obvious…"

The pop star shrugged as she picked up the bowl and used it to rinse off her back, watching the suds cascade down every curve and line, every slight dimple in the flesh. "Well… I was never raised as a boy, so I guess…"

"That's not all of it, though. Like, yes, boys aren't held to the same standard, but I was pretty nasty even for a boy. Society is way too easy on them."

"Yeah! I so agree, like, it always feels like boys get away with whatever they want! God, I would never choose to be a girl if I could have been a boy, it's like, a trade-down."

Ai was quiet for a moment. Rise gulped; here it comes… but all she said was, "You have a point. But I didn't want to deny who I was just because it's easier in some ways."

"Yeah… I, um… I've been hearing a lot about that lately. Embracing who you really are." Way too much about it, and from sources so supernatural that it would make Ai's head spin; she didn't need to hear all that. "Like, I wasn't trying to say you should have stayed a boy. Just that being a girl is way harder."

"Yeah? Try being one with a dick," she snorted, and Rise flashed an uncertain smile. "Not that there's that much difference; it's just… some things don't come as easily. This voice takes practice. Plus, um… my walk. I'm sure you also had to learn how to walk in a feminine way, but you did it gradually over time, and I had to kind of take a crash course. Classes; in fact, I'm upset about missing some of them this week. Little things. Not that much was expected of me when I was in elementary school, but I had to do some hellish catching up — like, studying for a test every day is hard, but so is cramming at the last second. It's just a different hard."

As she spoke and Rise moved around to wash her girlfriend's legs, she listened and appreciated what she meant. Classes, even! She could vaguely remember Ai telling her that she had some kind of "special class" once, and it had mystified her at the time, but now she understood: Rise knew she would definitely have to take some remedial courses if she started living life as a boy from now on. Common knowledge could only cover so much. That really did spell it out well enough that she didn't even have questions; just accepted the reality of what Ai must have gone through.

"You poor thing," she whispered as she kissed her freshly-cleaned knee. "I'm so sorry…"

"You better be. I mean, how dare you go back in time and change my chromosomal makeup?"

"Shut up," she sighed, and then Ai laughed. "Wow. But… if I could, I would have. To a girl, I mean; not the other way."

"Yeah… so would I. But thanks, even though that sounds like a waste of the ability to time-travel."

"No way! Of course it's a good use! You deserve to have been who you are from the beginning, a-and not have to suffer through… well, all that you did!"

The teen queen shrugged carelessly, as if this weren't all that important. Even though by now, Rise was beginning to be able to tell when she was putting on airs; now was definitely one of those times. "Like I said, I appreciate that. But… I probably needed that shit in my past. I'm already a horrible person. Imagine if I didn't have skeletons in my closet and trauma; I'd probably be a real harridan."

"Or… you wouldn't have to be so defensive to protect yourself, and it wouldn't be as hard for you to let someone in." She rinsed off her other knee before leaning up to kiss it tenderly. "To let me in."

"Mm…" Her brow furrowed as she tried to figure out how she felt. All she wound up saying was, "Fine. I guess." But then she felt the washcloth pushing between her thighs and she yelped, "Whoa, where are you going?!"

"Oh! I, um… I figured…" Her cheeks began to flood with colour, even though she tried to sound casual when she said, "What? We're dating and all, and I went down on you, s-so it should be… normal for me to wash all of you. Shouldn't it?"

"You could at least warn a girl!" But when Rise gulped and looked away, she sighed and said, "Okay, okay, sorry. I'm not really mad at you, I'm just on edge — wasn't expecting that. You may proceed."

Rise bowed low and said, "Thank you." Which only got Ai pushing her backward with her foot, making them both laugh quietly. "You ready?"

"Yeah." As soon as the washcloth reentered her space, she let out a soft "Mmm…"

This was a new level of closeness neither of them were ready for. Even moreso than just rolling around in a futon and letting their urges run wild; this was domesticity, with a component of physical intimacy. Ai's thighs began to part as she washed, and she carefully watched her expression slowly move from passive to… the only way she could describe it was "distracted". She looked distracted by the pleasant sensation.

"Okay, um… is that good?"

"Actually, no. But I can do it." She took the washcloth, and Rise looked on in fascination as she pushed back the wrinkled skin that was hiding the rounded tip. She hadn't even really noticed that it was different than she had seen in health class diagrams before until that moment; probably had a lot to do with how intimidated she was by the thought of being in close proximity to someone else's anatomy in the first place, much less it being something different than her own. She just had been avoiding inspecting her too closely, even when she was actually looking.

"Ohhh…" As Ai finished with that area, she remarked, "I would have totally missed that."

"Yeah, it's cool." But now that she was done, the skin didn't quite stretch up as high as before. Because…

"Ai?"

"What?"

"Are you like… do you need me to do it again?" She licked her lips as she moved into position in front of Ai's again-firm flesh, so she wouldn't mistake what she meant. "Should I take care of you? Because I absolutely will. All you have to do is let me make you feel amazing."

To Be Continued…

#we'll face ourselves #forkanna writes #saphir de lune #persona 4 fanfiction #rise x ai #p4 fanfic #jess the writer

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