#for that matter mainstream opinions are also pretty fucking divided

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

me: oh cool, a post refuting some dumb, textually inaccurate arguments about how Loki Is Totes Evil, I always like those posts

the post: Loki is not evil, duh, but also Wanda is evil because hero-coded characters don’t deserve the same level of understanding unless they’re a white male fave, apparently

me:

#loki #marvel cinematic universe #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff defense squad #COULD YOU JUST NOT #also love how people act like all audiences everywhere forgive Wanda everything because she’s hero-coded #we just had an entire show about the depth of her grief and trauma #and a major portion of fandom still won’t even try to sympathize with her #for that matter mainstream opinions are also pretty fucking divided #and every fucking plot summary of Civil War acts like Lagos was something worse than an accidental split-second failure to contain a bomb #but sure everyone loves her because she’s ‘hero-coded’ #my meta #kind of #I’m just #tired and frustrated #and! it’s not like Wanda even has a big fandom of her own! #which at least Loki does!

[chibimyumi]

Kinda personal question but what makes Elisabeth special to you? (Trigger warning) And in your opinion, does it romanticise things like mental illness and suicide? I think that ‘Die Schatten werden länger’ is a pretty apt metaphor for how it feels to have depression and suicidal thoughts (depending on one’s interpretation of what Death is) or to be emotionally abused. I ask about the productions with Furuka Yuta as Rudolf and the recent one with him as Death.

Dear Anon,

‘Elisabeth’ is my ultimate gateway down the rabbit hole of theatre and story-telling. Before ‘Elisabeth’ I was mostly a passive consumer of media, but after, I started to consider mechanisms of story-telling, and saw how different performers can tell different stories using the same script. This taught me how actions (dictated by the script) are just that - actions; and before we can understand a character, we must delve into what the context is of those actions.

Of course, the music is also just phenomenal, and it IS a musical, after all.

TL;DR: But importantly, I love ‘Elisabeth’ because it’s literally written to be a “F*ck you, Hollywood.”

In this post I discussed how ‘Elisabeth das Musical’ managed to save crumbling European cinematic culture. I am very tired of the Hollywood conventions, and ESPECIALLY tired of the glorification of romance. ‘Elisabeth’ subverted both of these stale conventions for me, and I was able to enjoy an alternative to the popular tropes of: “the superhuman lover, the caged bird, lonely at the top” in a new context.

This post will be divided into the following chapters:

1. Elisabeth

1.1. Deconstructing romance

1.2. Wife- and Motherhood

1.3. No pedagogical message in yer face!

2. Rudolf

2.1. Deconstructing romance

2.2. Depression in children

2.3. Crushing expectations and grandness

2.4. Deconstructing masculinity

3. Der Tod

3.1. Villain?

3.2. Predatory lover?

4. Conclusion

Trigger Warning: The text below contains mention of depression and suicide.

Romanticising mental illness?

‘Elisabeth’ is admittedly a bit of a problematic fave to me; it does indeed romanticise mental illness. However! Contrary to mainstream conventions, ‘Elisabeth’s does not show that mental illness can be cured because of THE POWER OF LOVE! It unapologetically showcases the destructiveness of mental illness, and how it is a long and painful struggle without promise of success. And that is exactly what a mental illness can be.

1. Elisabeth

1.1. Deconstructing romance

Elisabeth herself is the clearest example. She was a happy-go-lucky girl who was not destined to become Empress (her sister was), and yet she was chosen as bride by the handsome and young Emperor, Franz I, against his mother’s will. It is the dream many girls are taught to have.

And yet, it was exactly after becoming part of a fairy tale that her life sank into hell. Not just because of Sophie, but also because of her husband. Her husband did not turn out to be ‘a bad guy’ like Hollywood will make you believe is the only reason a relationship will fail. No, Franz was just entirely ignorant towards anything Elisabeth needed. Franz’ failure as lover was not what he ‘did’, but rather, what he ‘did not’. I think it is very important to show how real relationships require compatibility AND hard-work, but that without both, it just won’t work.

1.2. Wife- and motherhood

In conventional media, a woman like Elisabeth’s journey would be to find ‘the love she deserves’, she would still be ‘someone’s romantic interest’, just not Franz’. But in the musical, her arc is preserving and exercising her autonomy, and make the best out of a terrible situation. Women are trapped in patriarchy, and usually there is just no escape. And therefore seeing the strength of a woman who makes the best out of her pain is inspiring, and more relatable.

Usually in media, if the woman is not ‘the wife’, then the way she is strong is her focus on being ‘the mother’. Elisabeth however, was shown to be a terrible mother! She was not callous, she was very loving in fact. But because she had so much going on, she simply did not have extra mental energy to spend on her son. I find it very refreshing that love is simply not enough to make human-relations work, whether it’s romantic or familial relationships. Saying that somebody fails in a relationship ‘because you don’t love x enough’ is shortsighted and backwards.

It is breathtaking for me to see a narrative that solely focused on a woman’s struggles without the romance, and without the shackles of motherhood. No, she was struggling because she could not be a person.

1.3. No pedagogical message in yer face!

I also absolutely love how Elisabeth is not an idol that we are supposed to learn from. It’s not: “women! Look at this woman and [be/don’t be] this woman!!”. No, ‘Elisabeth’ leaves its viewer alone, and does not try to impose onto any ‘how to be a woman’.

We are simply supposed to see her life, and sympathise with her as human. The story never justifies her shortcomings, and never glorifies her as the fairy tale Empress ‘die Junge Kaiserin’ would have you believe.

‘Elisabeth das Musical’ does not treat its audience as people that must be educated; instead it assumes the audience has a mind of its own, and can participate in the story as Elisabeth’s peer.

2. Rudolf

2.1. Deconstructing romance

Rudolf’s arc is likewise one wherein his mental illness is not ‘magically cured by romance’. The historic Rudolf was married and he was VERY unhappy in his marriage. However, his unhappy marriage was not the cause of his depression, nor did it really matter that much in making it worse. Rudolf did have a lover (Mary Vetsera), and they loved each other deeply. However, that was not enough to make his mental illness bearable for him.

This forbidden-love part of Rudolf’s life was so insignificant to his depression, that the writers left it out entirely in ‘Elisabeth das Musical’, and his arc was still perfectly round without it.

2.2. Depression in children

‘Elisabeth’ is an excellent example of how depression is not limited to certain groups of people; anyone can be haunted by it. Rudolf is able bodied, white, wealthy, the crown prince of an Empire, intelligent, etc. etc. And yet he had crippling depression, and it is NOT because he was whiny within privilege.

Just like with his mother, Rudolf is also not an idol we’re supposed to imitate. However, we are supposed to learn from seeing him. We first meet Rudolf as a young child, and because he was not given any help, his depression escalated into suicidal depression later on. Many people either don’t believe that children can be depressed, or simply don’t take it seriously. Rudolf however, shows everyone how depression can in fact destroy the lives of children, not unlike adults. Even better; he is a historic character who actually existed. Good luck denying that!

2.3. Crushing expectations and grandness

As discussed above, Rudolf’s struggle has nothing to do with romance, but crushing expectations. As Furukawa explained in this interview: “When Rudolf finally figured out what he wanted to do, he was faced with his country sinking into crisis. He was stuck in the situation where he did not have the power to say anything, and yet had the status wherein everyone expected him to act for the benefit of the state. If he did not act he would be a neglectful man, unworthy of the title of ‘crown prince’, but if he did act for the benefit of the state, he would be a rebel.”

I think it is very refreshing too that despite all the good qualities Rudolf has (2.2.), he simply could not live up to the crushing expectations. It is very important to see how failure is often not the inability of the person, but that too much was expected of ONE human being to begin with.

2.4. Deconstructing toxic masculinity

Rudolf performs a very refreshing form of masculinity that is a departure from Hollywood’s ‘male hero’ model. His entire character is centered on his vulnerability, but he is NEVER portrayed as the loser. Instead, we see a man admitting his vulnerability and looking his depression in the eyes, and never being ashamed of it. He never blames himself for ‘not being man enough’ to live up to social expectations. Instead of “becoming a proper man!!” Rudolf knows that what he needs is compassion, a person he can talk to (his mother), and a fucking break.

Death is almost always without exception ‘punishment’ in stories. However, with Rudolf there were clearly external factors that have nothing to do with his supposed inaptness. The perpetrator was active in the sense that LITERAL Death manipulating him into committing suicide. Rudolf was a victim instead of someone punished for a “sin of not being man enough”.

3. Der Tod

3.1. Villain?

I am very tired of the good vs evil dichotomous story telling of Hollywood. Another thing I love about this musical is how it is entirely ambiguous who the villain is. It’s easy to point at Der Tod, but is he really the villain?

The script of this ingenious musical is written so freely that depending on the performers/director, the villain is either ambiguous, or non-existent, WITHOUT the story being vague. Depending on the actor of Der Tod, he is either an actual entity who governs over life and death, or the product of one’s imagination.

3.2. Predatory lover?

Der Tod’s existence and his pursuit of Elisabeth’s ‘love’ is the main factor that plays in saying “‘Elisabeth’ romanticises mental illness”. But depending on how the performers of Elisabeth and Der Tod interpret these roles, the story either becomes:

a toxic romance that is self-aware of its toxicity,

or like how Furukawa Yuta and Manaki Reika in 2019 managed, into a heroic tale of preserverence and a battle of wits.

Most importantly, in (most) non-Takarazuka versions, after Elisabeth dies, she is not there anymore to ‘reciprocate’ Der Tod’s feelings. She is just gone. Only in the Takarazuka version (I believe) does she enter the Underworld and actively becomes Der Tod’s lover.

So outside Takarazuka’s version, Der Tod is never rewarded with ‘a lover’; he simply gets his prey as a predator. Whether this ‘predator’ is a lover however, is again up to interpretation. But otherwise, death getting a mortal is just a very natural phenomenon, not victory as Furukawa puts it.

4. Conclusion

In conclusion, yes, ‘Elisabeth das Musical’ does have many elements that may qualify it as ‘a romanticisation of mental illness’, but ultimately I think it is not just that simple.

We must consider what the message is that the musical sends, and it is NOT: “because Elisabeth/Rudolf are mentally ill, they embark on an epic journey.” If anything, the musical makes very clear that the mental illnesses of Elisabeth and her son are the main culprit that MAKES them miserable, and that Der Tod is the personification thereof, hence his predatory nature. In ‘Elisabeth’, mental illness ‘preys’ on its victims.

The romanticisation mostly (though not solely) comes from the consumers, because we are conditioned to read stories like ‘Elisabeth’ as a romance.

We see a man (???) claiming to love a woman, and he chases her and won’t take ‘no’ for an answer. He goes through extreme means to impress her, and the story even comes with a ‘love rival’ (Franz).

We see a woman ‘yearning’ for something, and that something can only be given by Der Tod, and finally she does find peace when she is with him.

But, we must pay attention to what Elisabeth says when she is dead. It is not: “I’ve been looking for true love, and now I found it,” or “I wanted freedom, and you’ve been kindly offering it to me, but I was too foolish to accept earlier.” No, the very last thing she sings is:

“I have cried, laughed, been disheartened and I have prayed. There had been days where I tasted defeat in my senseless battle.Regardless, I have entrusted my life to myself alone!”

“Winning Elisabeth’s love” is the term Der Tod set without Elisabeth having any say in it. The term she set for herself is staying true to herself and not giving up; which she NEVER did. As such, THAT ⇈ was Elisabeth claiming victory of always having stayed true to herself, and it has NOTHING to do with Der Tod. She does not need Der Tod, she simply needed freedom.

#Elisabeth #Musical #Mental illness #Romanticization #tw suicide #tw mental illness #tw depression #Furukawa Yuta #Yun #Furutod #Yuntod #Sissi #SHE IS THE VICTOR #Thank you Furu for pointing that out #Rudolf #F*ck hollywood #F*ck Hollywood - Das Musical

[zerolympiustrife]

Favorite video games of all time?

Get ready for a LONG post, folks! However…allow me to break this down to my three favorite video game genres: Fighting games, RPGs/JRPGs, and Platformers/Action Platformers (both 2D and 3D). However! Since I feel like these posts are gonna take MUCH longer than I thought it would, I’m just gonna divide the genres into separate posts. But for now, let’s stick with the…

FIGHTING GAMES!:

Dragon Ball FighterZ: My number one favorite (traditional) fighting game of all time. My favorite ArcSys game of all time. My favorite Dragon Ball game of all time. This game is the reason how I got into the Dragon Ball franchise back when I’ve had to little to NO interest in the franchise, even when I’ve watched the ENTIRE Namek saga from the original anime back in 2009. The game’s GORGEOUS art style, every character animation’s (such as specials, supers, intros, victory poses, and ESPECIALLY the Dramatic Finishes) faithfulness to the original manga AND anime of Dragon Ball Z and other DB properties (such as GT and Super), the AWESOME soundtrack (courtesy of ArcSys theirselves, who’re known for awesome music in their games), the 3v3 gameplay, the character roster (though I’ll admit that having five Gokus and Three Vegetas is rather silly), having a new character design by DB creator Akira Toriyama himself, and lastly, being a breath of fresh air to those new to the fighting game genre (since the genre itself is notorious for its high learning curves) AND to Dragon Ball fans who were sick and tired of having the story of DBZ recapped over and over and over AND OVER AGAIN is a fucking sight to behold. This game FUCKING RULES (and a million times better than MvC:I). However, I wouldn’t call it perfect. I’ll admit that the Story Mode is rather lackluster, Arcade Mode is rather lacking, the Shop is completely randomized, and the Online Mode, much like every other fighting game, suffers from lag, spammable players, or just outright ragequitters. That, and the fact that, unlike MvC3 and BB:CTB, every character assist only sticks to ONE attack (meaning that more than one character is gonna have a Kamehameha assist), and that MOST PLAYERS you’re gonna run into is gonna main the likes of Cell (who ENJOYS dragging out combos for as long as possible), Adult Gohan (like Cell, also drags out long combos), and Vegeta (Super Saiyan, because of his assist. Need I say more?). But aside from those flaws, it is hands down the BEST fighting game I’ve ever played, next to…well, below.

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate: My number one favorite (unique) fighting game of all time. My favorite Nintendo game of all time. Series creator Masahiro Sakurai is a man that I’d like to describe as…well, not only doing the impossible and HIGHLY respected, but also putting those filthy naysayers about certain characters in their place. The fact that the whole point of Smash Ultimate was to include EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER FROM SMASH 64 TO SMASH 4 (Wii U and 3DS), INCLUDING EVERY THIRD-PARTY CHARACTERS DESPITE THE LICENSING AND DEVELOPMENT ISSUES THIS WOULD CAUSE is another sight to behold. FUCK Melee, THIS is hands-down the best Smash game of all time! The inclusion of Spirits, the Adventure Mode, the Boss battles, the gameplay, the kind of chicanery you can pull, the game’s main theme “Lifelight”, the roster, the soundtrack…there’s just ALOT about this game that I just fucking adore. What can you make folks more hyped about this game? Oh, I don’t know…why not shock everybody with JOKER (from Persona 5) AND BANJO & KAZOOIE (who’s still owned by Microsoft) being in the game. What I love about Smash Bros is how Sakurai is just outright defies those say certain characters can’t appear in the series for silliest (or justifiable) reasons. Cloud can’t be in Smash because his game was never released on a Nintendo console until 2019? No problem! Ridley’s too big therefore he can’t be playable? Fuck that! Banjo & Kazooie can’t be in Smash because they’re owned by Microsoft of the Xbox brand? It’s fine! Why? “Because I AM HERE!” -Banjo (JK, but seriously, the fact that Banjo’s in was quite a surprise.) Smash 4 is the reason how I got into Final Fantasy VII, and I hold the entire Smash series in high regard for doing so. Goddamn, do I love this franchise! But! Again, it’s not perfect. The Online Mode is MUCH worse than DBFighterZ (to the point where you’re more than likely to end up in a battle with Items TURNED ON or stages with distracting hazards, OR end up fighting the SAME fucking characters I hate fighting against, such as Little Mac, Falco, Inkling, Incineroar, etc.), and that fighting against EVERY single spirit in the Adventure Mode to get 100% can get rather tiring (not to mention that you gotta get BOTH bad endings from fighting Galeem solo AND Dharkon solo), lack of additional content upon release (Stage Builder and Home-Run Content weren’t even implemented into the game at first), and lastly (although these two complaints are one of more personal matter and one towards Square Enix), the fact Zero from Mega Man X, my favorite video game character is ASSIST character instead of a playable was really heartbreaking to see (but hey, I’m not complaining TOO much since I enjoy interacting with him in my free time in Training), and lastly, the fact that Cloud, and to high extent, Final Fantasy VII AND the FF franchise as a whole has LITTLE TO NO representation in this game whatsoever (again, I feel like this was more of SE’s fault than Sakurai’s). No spirits, no “Fighter Spirit” artwork from the original FFVII, no Assist characters, not being dubbed in English AGAIN (though this was more of a contract issue with SE), no additional music on Midgar, NOTHING. But, nonetheless…this game is fucking awesome.

Blazblue: Cross Tag Battle: Ahahahahaha! Ah…Oh, Blazblue…I love this franchise oh-so much, but the fact that it hasn’t received the same treatment as Guilty Gear lately (not to mention the mainstream Blazblue games, aka the C-series, has pretty much came to an end) is a rather sad sight to see…depression aside, I love Blazblue. I REALLY do! I love the characters, I love the stages, I love the music, the story is confusing as FUCK, but it’s a fighting game franchise I’ve discovered WAY back 2012 and I still love to this day, even more so than Guilty Gear (don’t @ me). So…what to do now? Could there perhaps be another Blazblue game? A game that just so happens to be a crossover? One just as awesome as Smash Bros? Ooh! How about…PERSONA 4?!? UNDER NIGHT IN-BIRTH?!? A FRANCHISE THAT, LIKE DRAGON BALL AND FFVII, I’VE HAD NO INTEREST IN UP UNTIL 2018 (aka RWBY)?!? AAAAAAAAAAAAAA- Fangasm aside, the fact that this game even EXISTS is an achievement in its own right. As stated before, this game is the reason how I got into RWBY. What I really love and adore about the game are the interactions among the characters. That, and I was SO HAPPY to hear that the game would be dubbed in English, after GG:Xrd Revelator and BB: Central Fiction lacked a dub. I was not only excited to hear the likes of Ragna, Noel, and Hazama voiced in English again, but I was also happy to hear that any characters who’ve never been dubbed in English in the past (characters from UNIB, newcomers in BB:CF, etc.) would be dubbed in English as well. Hell, the fact that the characters from both Blazblue AND Persona 4 (two franchises/games I really love) being in the EXACT same game together was enough to make me be all like “Shut up, and take my money!”, considering how crazy excited I was in the past to see them interacting with one another via fanart and fanfiction (thanks to the Persona 4 Arena games being developed by ArcSys). And if you thought having only THOSE four franchises in the game was enough, you’d be wrong! Here’s Arcana Heart! Here’s Senran Kagura! Here’s a FIFTH character from RWBY: Neo Politan! This game, much like DBFZ and Smash Ultimate, is awesome. However, complaints I do have towards the game are the Online Mode (although the chibi interactions are cute and adorable and I will praise the Online Mode for that, and ONLY THAT), Gordeau from UNIB is still a problem, the rest of the half of the roster is entirely DLC, lack of additional content upon release, the control scheme is WAY too simplistic (even moreso than DBFZ), and lastly, while I love the sprites ArcSys did for RWBY, the reused sprites from Blazblue, Persona 4 Arena, and UNIB is also a complaint I have (but a minor one, mind you. They could’ve just easily redone the sprites specifically for this game, but…no). And while this game isn’t exactly in my top two favorite fighting games, it’s definitely in my top THREE. Also, I have yet to actually to play the Story Mode of this game, but I haven’t yet, therefore, I hold no opinion on the story as of currently. Marvel vs Capcom-styled traditional fighting games are hands-down, my go-to preference for traditional fighters.

Dissidia (and Dissidia 012): Final Fantasy: Forget Dissidia NT, THIS game (mostly Dissidia 012) is what an awesome 3D Action Fighting game is about! Much like how Smash Ultimate’s a unique fighting game (a Platform Fighter), this game is also a unique type of fighting game, possessing RPG elements and just having a blast with its awesome combat system. Cloud and Sephiroth were just so much fun to play as, with Terra, Squall, and WoL being my other favorite characters in this awesome game. This game is also essentially a HUGE homage to Final Fantasy as whole. From the ongoing conflicts between Cosmos and Chaos, to MULTIPLE references to the character’s original games, to additional modes that involve unlocking the likes of Gilgamesh from FFV, or fighting against the most frustrating secret final boss I’ve ever had the displeasure of fighting against (Feral Chaos), these games are awesome! Also, the reason why I’m addressing both games as a single installment here is because technically, while Dissidia 012 IS a prequel, it pretty has the same content (no, scratch that, MORE content) from the first Dissidia game and it’s pretty much an updated…well, not a “port”, per say, more like an enhanced re-release, much like Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 or any of the Blazblue EXTEND re-releases. However, complaints I have for Dissidia is that certain characters are annoying to fight against (such as Jecht, FUCK that character), the RPG system takes a while to build up until your favorite characters are FINALLY at Level 100, trying to get the rarest Equipment is rather difficult, and lastly, the action commands for certain character’s EX Bursts can be retooled for the sake of a proper fighting game, but then again, Dissidia ain’t a “traditional” fighting game. But aside from that, not only is this my favorite Action RPG/Fighting game of all time, but this is also my favorite Final Fantasy Spin-Off of all time.

Tatsunoko vs Capcom: Ultimate All-Stars: What’s that? You were expecting a Marvel vs Capcom game to be on this list, let alone my top 5? Too bad! It’s Tatsunoko, baby! This one definitely holds a spot in my heart as this game stands as my number one favorite “Capcom vs Whatever” game of all time (yes, even moreso than Marvel vs Capcom itself OR any of the SNK vs Capcom games, don’t @ me). I love this game. I love its soundtrack (ESPECIALLY its main theme, “Across the Border”), I love the roster (despite being small), I love the final boss of the Arcade Mode (Yami, from Capcom’s Okami), and I love the gameplay. My complaints goes towards the lack of additional content outside of Arcade and the Gallery (although the top-down shooter minigame is rather fun), and, as stated before, small roster. But other than that, this game was really fun to play.

OTHER FAVORITE FIGHTING GAMES:

Sonic Battle, Persona 4 Arena Ultimax, Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3, SvC: Chaos, and Blazblue: Chrono Phantasma.

Coming up next: My favorite RPGs/JPRGs!

#fighting games #dragon ball fighterz #super smash bros ultimate #blazblue cross tag battle #dissidia final fantasy #tatsunoko vs capcom

[scullyeffect]

how do you feel about younger people in fandom? like the youngest side that are probably on tumblr i.e 13/14ish?

i don’t know if you mean in the x-files fandom, or just younger people getting involved into fandom stuff online nowadays so i’m just going to go with a generalization. 

i’m nobody’s mother and interests are healthy, and honestly i’m 23 so i don’t know anything about anything yet, but i will say that i live with a 15 y/o girl, a 13 y/o girl, and an 11 y/o girl, and i find myself very sad when all they want to do is go on a phone and watch youtube videos and be online instead of doing something more creative or intellectual.

we had a birthday party for 11 last night, and we had to take phones away from like six 10-11 year olds, which is ridiculous. i do understand that we live in a big city (paris, which isn’t exactly the safest) and lots of kids do things independently (walk to school, walk to friends’ houses, take the métro) so sometimes i worry about 11 (who doesn’t have a phone) if she needs to take the métro alone or walk somewhere alone, and i wish she did have some way to reach me if ever she got lost or something, but 11 is so young.

i think in a world that’s become so increasingly digitized and almost making it necessary to be connected in some way, kids are growing up faster, and some of the posts online and on tumblr talk about things they might not understand yet, and cause them to form opinions based on a text post some 18 y/o wrote. i’m even guilty of this. i’ll get too lazy to keep up with the real world and get my politics from tumblr sometimes, and that’s probably not good, even though mainstream news sources can do the same thing. my mom worked for the washington post, and that’s pretty much the only place i get my news from.

i probably got my first tumblr account when i was 15, and honestly i regret it. i was a pretty sheltered kid/teenager who really enjoyed reading, doing art, writing, and watching sad european dramas about dead sovereigns and suffering artists. i somehow discovered pro-ana blogs (blogs that share and encourage eating disorders to the point where healthy people can begin to actively attempt to follow insane tips in order to lose weight), and since i actually had been having trouble with my own eating habits but never really known that those behaviors were bizarre, i self-diagnosed and was part of that “community” for awhile. 

i was interested/ in love with lots of actors and actresses, and as i made it out of kind of the pro-ana area which i realized which was unhealthy lol i found out about stan culture and just real obsession with movie stars/celebrities. when i was a younger teen i was “obsessed” with meryl streep, which at that time meant that i watched all her films repeatedly. i didn’t realize people cared about the actors/actresses’ personal lives until i got on tumblr, and at the time it was really exciting to discover things about my favorite celebrities (i mean, being a fan of someone obviously isn’t new, but it was to me). now that i’m 23 i find it very invasive and somewhat creepy that we’re so interested in someone’s life, sometimes even more than their body of work. we’ll probably never meet that person, and if we do they’re not going to think about you or remember you forever, because there are thousands of other people out there who feel the same way, and they just can’t keep track (at least the huge stars). 

on the flip side, i think it’s good to have role models and people to look up to, but sometimes there’s a thin line there. i’m blonde, but i dyed my hair brown in my first year of high school because i was obsessed with marion cotillard and wanted to look like her. i kept the brown throughout high school because i liked it, and sort of forgot i ever did it because of her, but now i’m blonde again and it looks so much better haha. ALSO i got really interested in france/speaking french because of her (and juliette binoche), although i had a fantastic and enthusiastic french teacher in high school to help fuel my desire to speak french. and now i’m fluent in french and live in france. wow. so, if there are people you look up to in the public eye and they’re influencing you in positive ways, that’s great! i do get suspicious when very influential celebrities share their political views, though. i think we have a tendency to follow in people’s footsteps either subconsciously or in full awareness. that could be in any field. i like certain authors, and sometimes my own writing is heavily influenced by their work. it’s a natural thing that happens. but voting really should be an informed decision...just my opinion.

let’s talk about “just my opinion”. online bullying is real and can sometimes be rampant if there are dividing views on someone and their perceived private life. for example, in the x-files fandom we will, for the most part, absolutely convince you that mulder and scully are fucking like bunnies, when the show’s own creator won’t lol. but there are also people who think that gillian anderson and david duchovny (the leads) were/are/could be at some point in a romantic relationship with each other. they (anderson and duchovny) even cater to the fans a bit, but at the end of the day that’s their business and they don’t owe us an explanation, and a lot of people in fandom sort of act like they do. the point of this example was that because people in fandom are divided about this point of view, if you talk about one side or the other, there are some people who will come at you and say mean things for not agreeing with you, and try to convince you of a truth they have no real authority to speak about. this is obviously just an example, but online bullying is rampant and is often taken personally and can really affect the person being bullied, especially someone younger who may or may not be already facing that in real life at school lol.

i think tumblr is a good place for people who suffer from mental illness to come together in a healthy way to talk through their problems (god i hope i’m telling the truth), and there’s definitely tons of awareness and support that you’ll get on tumblr that you may not find in the real world. for example, i don’t know anyone irl who has epilepsy who i can talk to about mine. on tumblr i’ve talked with people who understand what i’m going through. i think that self diagnosis online, just as much on tumblr as it is when i cough and search “signs of throat cancer or tuberculosis’, read up on web md, and immediately fear my days might be numbered, is a problem. on tumblr i think we’re introduced to concepts and can sometimes treat mental illness lightly, when it shouldn’t. if you’re suffering from a mental illness, the online world isn’t going to be the place that can completely help you (says the girl who refuses to go to therapy and instead complains online about how she’s not getting any better). 

being online immediately takes us out of life and into a different world. we become observers instead of experiencing the world. there’s good stuff about observation, but being online and attached to a website that is more or less just a vice for people will often make us choose to be on our phones instead of doing stuff in real life.

all of these points being said, i’m guilty of a lot of the “bad/unhealthy” facets of tumblr, but as i’ve “grown up” (unfortunately still staying on tumblr for a good portion of that time) i’ve grown out of a lot of these things and can see the good and the bad that the online world has to offer, and know which parts to stay away from. i can recognize that spending too much time on here does nothing for my desire to stay inside and not experience the real world. it also makes me think a lot more about tv shows/films/celebrities than i need to. but i’ve also made great friends from being on tumblr over the years, and gotten support i definitely wouldn’t have gotten in real life. 

back to my real life. do i encourage the girls i live with to be interested in certain media? yes, especially stuff i feel has a good message. i basically sat the two older ones down and showed them the pilot of the x-files. do they experience the same high level obsession i do with tv shows/movies? no. and i’m glad for that. they like to lose themselves in certain tv shows, but when the tv is off they don’t really talk about it. do i introduce them to things i’m interested in media-wise? yes. do i introduce them to books and music i was/am interested in? yes. have i told them about tumblr? no. they don’t have any access to my online “presence” (they don’t know my instagram, twitter, etc), and i don’t talk about it. when my computer is out and they’re in the room doing homework, i’m usually writing. granted, that’s usually fanfiction, but at least i’m writing something. 

one of the boys i tutor is writing a book (he’s 11) which is basically a self insert that takes place in the harry potter universe. he doesn’t know what fanfiction is, and i haven’t told him (although he’d never type it up and put it online lol he barely knows how to turn the computer on), but i’m so thrilled he’s even writing that i make him sit down and write for 10 minutes before we ever start watching a movie (in english). 

ANYWAY. i’m nobody’s mother and at the end of the day i’m posting this online on my stupid blog where nothing i say matters or has any influence anywhere, but i think kids should be able to enjoy a non-internet related childhood as long as possible. some of us on tumblr are old enough to actually have children that age, and as much as we like having an account on this site, if asked this same question we might not as readily say ‘yeah it’s great! i want my teenagers to have the same experience as me!’

there’s my two centimes. hope i answered your question. JuST MY OPINION.

[roidespd-blog]

Chapter Four : MODERN QUEER MUSIC featuring Mike, Troye, Janelle & Annie.

Back when my grandmother was my age (1963), no huge celebrity was officially a homosexual. Andy Warhol’s sexuality was an open secret and Rock Hudson was far inside the closet his shirts and trousers were his roommates. When my mother was my age (1992), Freddy Mercury had just died due to complications from AIDS — so did Hudson a couple years before. George Michael was hiding and Elton John would still be bisexual for another year. A couple of years ago, I complained to a friend of mine about how so many few music Artists were full-blown Queer. Where’s that fresh music that everybody (and I mean, EVERYBODY) could listen to ? Sure, Lady Gaga and Madonna said loud and clear that they weren’t against taking a dip in the lady pond but there are still constraint to basic heteronormativity in their public lives. Sure, we have Christine and the Queens but I’m talking GLOBAL.

I was so wrong I would like to time travel and smack the shit of my past me.

Perfume Genius was considered a pretty low key artist from the commercial and critical strength of his first two records (Learning in 2010, Put Your Back N 2 It in 2012). 2014’s Too Bright brought him more recognition with a more synth-pop power sound. This album’s music videos were filled with glitter, genderfucked outfits and SM fantasies. He objectively coined the best lyric of all time with “No family is safe when I sashay” (1). No Shape confirmed his incredible talent. Deepening in his idea of masculine and feminine combining into one, Perfume Genius gave us a more optimistic fourth effort about love and the search of a peaceful mind. Singles like Slip Away (2) and Wreath (3) emerge as full queer anthems with lyrics like “they’ll never break the shape we take” and “I’m high, I’m out / I see the sun go down / I see the sun come up / I’m moving just beyond the frame” Though not actually a mainstream artist, Perfume Genius helped all decade long to usher a new wave of Queer Artists and with them, Queer acceptance.

One that benefited greatly from PG’s way-paving journey was South-African-Australian child actor-turned pop sensation Troye Sivan. 

After making his intentions clear with his debut album (2015’s Blue Neighborhood) and his fantastic music video trilogy — Wild, Fools, Talk Me Down (4) — Troye created what I personally a pop masterpiece with Bloom and possibly the first major mainstream album that doesn’t shy away from queer themes and same-sex pronouns in love songs. In Seventeen (5), he explicitly talks about losing his virginity to an older man. The title track (6) was confirmed (though it’s obvious) to be about bottoming. A friend of mine seems to think it’s about fisting though I would respond that every anal pleasure is valid and the listener is free to interpret the lyrics with his/hers/theirs own liking in mind. The music video for Bloom shows him play dress up, wearing gorgeous gowns and makeup, shattering preconceived notions of how a male pop star should act publicly. “Lucky Strike” (7), the album’s sexiest cut, has “And my boy like a queen /Unlike one you’ve ever seen /He knows how to love me better” to say about desires. He closes the record lying next to his “fellow”, singing “An ode to the boy I love /Boy, I’ll die to care for you /You’re mine, mine, mine, tell me who do I owe that to?” (8). We’re not far enough in the future to know for sure, but I’m sure Bloom will be recognized as revolutionary. Nevertheless, we can all “Dance to This (9)”.

While Perfume Genius and Troye Sivan went further into their explorations of the opposite sex trait, Janelle Monae liberated herself from the chains of her previous persona adopted through her first records. With 2018’s Dirty Computer, the artist said bye to tuxedos and welcome a sexier, more feminine aesthetic. 

That doesn’t mean a woman should absolutely be feminine to be considered. No fuckin’ way. But when it comes to Monae, I sometimes felt that her visual choices, though fantastic at times, were restraining her from showing her true self. A mystery for years, it seemed like the character of Cindi Mayweather (10), a messianic android sent back in time to free the citizens of Metropolis from The Great Divide was just the surface of the real living person behind that. 

“Dirty computer, walk in line / If you look closer you’ll recognize / I’m not that special / I’m broke inside /Crashing slowly, the bugs are in me” (11) were the first words uttered in her third opus, a concept album exploring the power of women and the spectrum of sexual identities. The album’s 14 tracks can be grouped into three loose categories: Reckoning, Celebration and Reclamation. The first deals with Monae’s recognition of how she is viewed by society, the middle explores her acceptance of “the cards she has been dealt”, and the closing tracks deal with her reclamation and redefinition of American identity. Overall, the album is Monae’s attempt to “step into a more authentic self”. A coming out party of sorts.

“If you try to grab my pussy cat / this pussy grab you back” (12). Dirty Computer is a declaration of independence from a woman who has nothing else to fear and a homage to Queer life. Was it mainstream ? Well, it was nominated for the Album of the Year at the Grammy Awards. So, yeah. Go listen to it. And watch the 48 min movie that goes with it (13) We’re all Dirty Computers.

Also taking a more sexually explicit approach to music is St. Vincent is her latest LP, Masseduction (14) (2017). Annie Clark never hid her sexuality to the public, with high profile girlfriends like Carla Delevingne. She responded to a journalist asking if she was gay or straight : “I don’t think about those words. I believe in gender fluidity and sexual fluidity. I don’t really identify as anything. I think you can fall in love with anybody. I don’t have anything to hide but I’d rather the emphasis be on music.” 

Clark has stated that the album focuses on themes of power, sex, drugs, sadness, imperiled relationships and death. Contrary to her previous efforts, Masseduction is very first person narrative, a diary encompassing years of her life. Though not a explicit in her lyrics as some of her companions, St. Vincent made an incredible album that infuses in its listener the idea that it actually does not matter if she’s singing about a male or a female love interest. In the eye of the storm called life, we’re all the same.

The visuals (15), though, have clear intentions of destroying the male gaze and give more value to the female body and mind. From the mouth of a Queer icon, it has value on so many levels.

Okay, okay. Four is enough for this article. I was told not to be too talkative around here. But guys, there’s so many great Queer artists at the moment. 

Serpentwithfeet (16) released his debut album Soil a year ago and this guy will break your heart with his incredible vocals and poetic imagination. Jake Shears (17) remains a fascinating creature to admire, even more so now that he’s taking a little time off from Scissor Sisters. Courtney Barnett (18) is awesome as fuck and her second opus was just as good as the first one. Frank Ocean (19) needs to do a third album — and make it better than the second one. Eddy De Pretto (20) is not my cup of hot jizz but he’s objectively great and , apart from Chris (21), who else is Queer in France right now ?

For the first time in our history, Queer people are able to exist in the public eye as Queer people, ending tabloids’ craziness about who’s closeted or not. Those artists, and some much others that I didn’t mention, give us voices that stays inside the minds of people that are not us and don’t always understand who we are. In my opinion, they are doing God’s work… and I’m a atheist. But we all know that God is a Queer Jewish Black Woman. Halleloo.

[sideburndanny]

My Thoughts on Never-Trumpers

For those wondering how our election got to be as fucked up as it is, all the blame lies squarely at the feet of the “never Trump” movement who claimed that their only goal was to get Trump out of office no matter what, and the only way to do that was to convince Democrats to nominate a corporate centrist candidate whose only strategy is to bend over backwards to appease the GOP.

So, here’s my question to all of you saying “anyone but Trump” and “vote blue no matter who:” where were these calls for unity when Bernie Sanders was the front runner? For a party supposedly on the left, these “never-Trumpers” have fought tooth and nail to prevent an actual leftist from winning the nomination.

Want some examples? Chuck Todd AND Chris Matthews explicitly compared Bernie Sanders to Adolf Hitler — Todd by calling Bernie’s supporters “brown shirts” and Matthews by comparing Bernie’s victory in Nevada to Hitler’s invasion of Poland. Two problems with this comparison: Bernie’s platform is one of pacifism, civil liberties, and equal rights for everyone; i.e. the exact opposite of Nazi Germany. Second, BERNIE IS A JEW WHO LOST FAMILY MEMBERS TO THE HOLOCAUST!

Chris Matthews also admitted that he doesn’t know what socialism is, but agreed with the Republican assertion that it’s evil far-left communism that will lead to public executions of the wealthy elite. Unfortunately, these people seem to be stuck in the 1950s, when pretty much everyone who didn’t blindly agree with capitalism or the conservative status quo was labeled a “communist” by default. In reality, not only are communism and socialism NOT THE SAME THING, but Bernie’s record shows he is a strong supporter of individual liberties and has always been firmly against authoritarianism of any kind.

Then we had the civility police getting on Bernie’s case for being “angry” and “divisive” and “exclusionary.” I went to a Bernie rally, and I sure as fuck didn’t feel excluded or divided. On the contrary, I listened to what he actually said and heard his message of bringing together people from all walks of life — regardless of ethnicity, skin color, gender identity, sexual orientation, economic class, or religion — and uniting to make the United States a safer and more prosperous place for everyone.

Sure he raises his voice when he speaks, but so what? He yells because he cares. He yells because he’s passionate about his politics. He yells because he wants people to hear his message.

People who get on Bernie’s case for being “angry” or “shouty” or whatever are committing the classic fallacy of prioritizing style over substance. Just because you don’t like the style that doesn’t mean you can reject the actual message out of hand— but even if we’re talking about style alone, Bernie’s still better. We Millennials just don’t go for the folksy good-ol-boy schtick the boomer media fawns all over; it’s boring to us. Someone who’s passionate and outspoken gets us excited and energized about politics. You were raised on cowboy movies. We were raised in superhero movies.

One of the stupidest examples of the media pearl-clutching over Bernie was their horror to discover that he actually dared to commend Fidel Castro for improving literacy rates in Cuba; one of the hosts of The View compared it to complimenting Hitler for being “a good orator.” Two problems with that comparison: one, Castro wasn’t even CLOSE to being the monster that Hitler was: two, again, calling Hitler a good orator is a comment on his STYLE, while Bernie’s remarks were based on the SUBSTANCE of Castro’s policies. Also, at no point did Bernie ever defend or justify the human rights abuses of Castro’s regime; all he did was point out the objective fact that they did one thing right. As one Internet commenter put it, “All authoritarianism is bad, obviously, but not all dictatorships are unadulterated evil.” Of course, that’s not getting into the countless dictatorships the US government has ACTUALLY supported over the last several decades, or the fact that one of Obama’s most lauded accomplishments was improving relations with Cuba. A guest caller actually brought up that latter point to the hosts of The View, and they responded by getting angry and telling the caller to shut up.

Some of Bernie’s critics didn’t even try to hide their pro-corporate bias. One MSNBC anchor said the fact that Bernie speaks to the lower economic classes automatically makes him a demagogue. THIS JUST IN: MSNBC DOESN’T CARE ABOUT POOR PEOPLE!

The husband of one of John Hickenlooper’s wrote an opinion piece calling Bernie “the Trump of the left,” his main evidence being Bernie’s promise to hold billionaires and corporations accountable for their greed and corruption, a promise which the author compared to Trump’s encouragement of hate crimes against immigrants and people of color. Just in case you needed a reminder that billionaires are spoiled children who cry “discrimination” whenever their pampered lifestyles are threatened even slightly.

Another MSNBC anchor actually took it a step further, saying the Bernie is WORSE than Trump, and that he would gladly vote to have Trump re-elected just to prevent Bernie from winning. I guess to a straight white man with millions of dollars in the bank, the threat of an authoritarian white supremacist regime pales in comparison to the absolute horror of giving poor people free health insurance and a living wage.

I’ve seen so many members of the so-called “woke” left on Twitter coming out against Bernie in the primary. He’s the one who’s responsible for bringing to the mainstream the policies they claim to support (like a Green New Deal and Medicare for All,) but when it came time to vote for him, they demonized him and shouted him down out of petty revenge for his failure to pledge his eternal fealty to Saint Hillary, and they instead fell in line behind a credibly accused sexual predator who’s too senile to form a coherent sentence and whose record shows him siding with the right wing on every major issue.

All of this is because of the “never-Trump” Republicans like David Frum, Max Boot, Bret Stephens, Bill Kristol, and Meghan McCain. Democrats were so desperate to believe that Trump’s presidency wasn’t normal that we took these staunch conservatives at their word when they claimed to be on our side. They managed to infiltrate our party and drag it further to the right by claiming to be part of some grand “resistance movement,” when in reality, they all want the same things Trump wants. They’re just more polite about asking for it.

[aesthetic-consumables]

Mid Term Review

Hey y’all. alots changed since I last used this tumblr. (for instance the fucking purge happened...) so I’m here for now mostly for convenience sake. making any lengthly writing on twitter is a pain, and I would like to easily share this with people. so without further ado, lets get into it!

Tommorow is the mid-term review for my progress on my thesis project. and I have 45 minutes. Ill have only ten to introduce my project.

 heres some notes from my mentor on how to approach it.

so Ill start with the blurb to intoduce my project. 

Hey y’all, My name is Teddy, Im from the animated arts program, and for my thesis project I am making a video essay on structures of oppression in mainstream kids cartoons. I expect that the final product is going to be about 20 minutes long, as I have already recorded half of the script, and the rough edit comes up to 11 minutes.

The clips I am about to show you is footage of me speaking on my research opinions an anecdotes. This footage will serve to ground the diverse visuals Ill be including that reference contemporary animation, animators, and the business and culture around them, as well as my own animations (of which there is currently only one of) so! here is some of my footage.

draft one: essentials before timing...

1. content

This is a video essay intended for youtube, and other internet streaming sites for a public audience. My intention is to offer my queer experience and point of view to critique the animation industry as it exist today, and invite my viewers to think about it an draw their own conclusions. 

Yes, I am not focusing my thesis project on making an animated work, rather I am centering my ideas, thouroughly articulating them, and using the visuals to draw the viewer into engaging with the work. This larger story board is the bulk of the video, and it shows both moments when it is only me on the screen, Ttle cards for each segment of my essay, and moments where I am including visual references of cartoons, artists, toys, etcetera. 

Here I have some story boards laid out representing diferent visual aspects of the video. You can see I have a couple different title cards in the board, these mark seperate sections in the essay. since I am using the conceit of the animation pipeline, I am breaking up the raising an animator to prepare them for the industry into segments. These segments adress things like, getting you hooked on animation, developing the ability to mimic art styles, getting technical education, and distill them into the bits with the most impact on myself and other marginalized folk.

 here, is the second animated intervention I have planned. Wheras the first intervention was meant to draw the viewer into the intimacy of a flip book, and emulate the childish style indicative of my early animations, the second intervention is kind of in the style of a “draw your life” style video. 

(at this point pull up a gif exerpt from your thesis proposal, the one where you are standing in a field and the wind is blowing)

here is a style example from the animation I i did for my proposal. this is a popular format in which you tubers talk about stories from their past and illustrate it as they voice it over. since I am using personal narrative in the video, I wanted to include this as a visual aid to get my memory across with the emotionality that I remember it with, and really putting people in my shoes. 

here is the final storyboard, for a prospective third animated intervention. For the ending of my essay, I am not entirely happy with the tone it takes, but I can not find a way to word it any differently. in my conclusion, I am reflecting on the state of marginalized exclusion from the industry, and how I have personally decided to not seek a career through those avenues, and want to strike out as an independent. 

here is an excerpt from my conclusion:

“For me, the path lies wherever I can express myself freely, and for the forseeable future, that doesn’t exist in mainstream cartoons. It is not a comfortable path, there is certainly more money in the industry, but it is comfort with the status quo that perpetuates it. Maybe I will toil just as much as an independent, going just as unnoticed as I would in an office, but I will be able to make the work i feel truly matters. I want to make something that speaks to people like me who are pushed to the margins. Something that makes our lives better, my life better, if only by a little bit. I hope that I can make that happen.”

My intention is to share a message of adaptation, I don’t want my conclusion to sound as hopeless as I think it does, because I’m actually quite excited for my career, and the final animated segment attempts to aid my words in getting this across. 

on this final animate intervention especially, I am open to cuts and ideas from you all, as I am not entirely sure I will include it.

2. research

So since this is an essay, I am not just going to spend 20 minutes ranting about my uneducated opinion. I speak from what I know, and what I know is my personal experience. Not only do I experience many of the things I speak on first hand, I use those experiences to guide my research. 

The first thing I think I should note about my research is that it is almost entirely done on the internet, and to further clarify, I usually dont bother looking for scholarly sources. so before you make assumptions about the rigor of my research, know that I am fully aware that it is all to easy to lie on the internet. Even videos are not safe from being tampered with in this I have grown up with this reality, and cross referencing the information I pull from any of my sources is second nature. For instance, when I searched for “famous queer animators” I saw that there was a wikipedia list of them. While wikipedia is convinient for looking at details about someone, I am aware that the people editing it are not always genuine. I follow the sources cited on the page for the person, and I also plugged the names back into a search engine to see if there were any details about the person having a same sex partner, or openly saying they are gay, elsewhere on the internet. So while using the internet as a main source presents some difficulties, the diversity of voices is really important to me, not everyone is coming from the same background, so I don’t get trapped in a echo chamber.

So why not use academic sources also? First off, I am not making some thesis on the aesthetics of contemporary kids cartoons, so I don’t need such heady sources full of artistic critique jargon Second, the meaningful information I am looking for is the structures of this industry and how it explicitly effects marginalized folks. Academia is among the most exclusionary institutions out there, as there is a stark class divide between who can afford higher education, and who cant. I could make a completely separate thesis on this, and seeking these sources would just muddy my research and make this whole essay less direct.

 This essay is based not only off of my personal history, but the parallel an intertwined history of the animation industry itself. I use my personal experience as a jumping off point to dig into what forces have shaped them.

3. sucess rubric

SO! You know my goals and my process an why Im doing all this now. so lets talk quality. Ill be aiming for success based on the following goals.

Good, non jarring cuts, both in editing out um’s and pauses, throwing in segments from cartoons, and other images, the transitions between each segment of my essay, and the incorporation of my animations.

I want to create a cohesive aesthetic that ties all of these aspects together, through my personal stylings in the trappings of the video (such as my outfit, the backdrop, text overlays, and other visual flairs, 

and Finally, I want my animated interventions to really pop out, and highlight key moments in my video and serve as something that will stick in the viewers mind, reminding them of the ideas expressed, and keeping them coming back to watch.

okay, Im going to time myself talking through this, I’m shooting for 5 minutes.

I got 5 mins 46 seconds. Im pretty happy with that. further edits coming soon!

I adressed the mentor notes.

a note from my mentor:

This all looks really good. The only things I would note are: 1) to include more technical details about the video essay-estimated length, sections, etc

2)you mention that you cross-reference your internet sources, but how do you do this? Perhaps provide an example.

#D has been a funny letter today #oops i forgot to write in my dream journal and I think i forgot everything that happened. shit. #The D key was labeled stuck on the comuter at my work where I am writing this #the D key isnt actually stuck you just need to press it hard enough and at the right angle that it registers that it was pressed #not stuck just a little insensitive #one of my suitors told me he was on the hunt for vitamin D today #I was mildly confused since the sun was out earlier today which is not common for portland #but when i looked out the window to see an overcast sky it became all to clear LOL