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#for someone who doesnt think they like poetry i seem to know a lot lmao
sothischickshe · 3 years
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book stuff! 5! 17! 23!
5! What was your relationship with books like as a child?
oh super duper positive! maybe especially cos my hearing fucking suuucked?? i think my love of reading was v baffling to my mother haha cos she’s v dyslexic & was constantly told she was stupid & had decided books were not for her (she now loves reading! i can wear anyone down! haha). 
constant library visits were a L A R G E part of my childhood!!! and one of my aunts was a school librarian at a v fancy school so she was a frequent supplier too. and the house was pretty full of random books anyway, so my reading habits were v chaotic, like as a ~7 year old i was swinging from nancy drew to pride and prejudice to those lucy daniels vet books to oliver twist
i was def reading stuff that was probs ‘inappropriate’ for my age (in all senses...smut and extremely depressing and classics and why did someone give me a george eliot biography when i was like 9??) but i dont think it had a negative impact???
17! Do you know any poetry by heart?
valentine by carol ann duffy bc we studied it ad fucking nauseam in school & i’ve taken to my bed by roger mcgough bc it’s been my favourite poem since i was a lil kid & probs i wanna be yours by john cooper clarke cos we studied that in school and ive heard it a lot & patterns by kate tempest cos one time i saw her do it in the woods while i was on acid so it like b u r n t its way in there & whitey on the moon by gil scott-heron bc ive heard it a million times & probably to his coy mistress by andrew marvell bc i think someone mustve challenged me to memorise it like 20 years ago & still i rise by maya angelou bc we read it in school sooo much... hmm. in short: yes, some but generally not on purpose. 
23! Nicest edition or cheapest edition?
well, most of the time i dont buy books they just find their way to me or im allowed to take ‘em, and free is the cheapest of editions and im v into that. they’re often nice editions too though cos they’re old! im not someone who is fussy abt covers or anything (especially cos i dont hold on to thaaat many books myself) & i dont have a problem with mismatched series etc. generally i will just take what i am given
gotta book
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jiilys · 3 years
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would u help me out for a second. im in the mood to write for the first time, and i think your style is beautiful. sitting down n actually trying though, im stuck as fuck! i’m realizing that in your dialogue/scenes you’ve got a lot of Little Things. little tiny elements that are subtle & just enough. how are you deciding that lily is building a house of cards at the moment or sirius is sitting in a tree or whatever during a given scene? how do you come up with those ideas for dialogue that are so silly & real & sneakily tender? do you know where it’s going when you begin? any advice for just… starting something?
ps: i appreciate you. you make it look easy & that’s very very cool
This is a lovely question!! Sorry it took me so long to get to it, I didn’t want to get it wrong. Also I’ve included some examples to try and explain what I mean in practise, but it also comes off rather like plugging. tragically this is unavoidable. Anyway, all that being said I have no idea how to advise you about dialogue and coming up with it, I think just listening to people talk helps. Don’t forget contractions, and when in doubt always trust the reader to keep up, real people don’t say perfect or even grammatically correct sentences a lot of the time. We also cut each other off all the time, especially when we’re trying to be funny. Like, here’s an example from warm front:
“He’s not even two. He probably would have thought it was, like, having a lie down or something.”
Harry was laughing now, “A lie down?”
“Yeah, a spontaneous, truck-induced–“
“–Permanent–“ “
–Permanent, lie-down. I’m almost jealous now actually.”
Another thing, but people say um and like or can't speak or cut themselves off, especially when they’re nervous. James when Lily says she loves him for the first time: ‘“Wow,” He breathed, “I’m– wow.” He put both hands on her cheeks and kissed her crazy, abruptly, dumbly. Her head spun.’ He can’t even speak! Dumb boy.
I think natural dialogue sometimes just requires you to read it aloud, which is very embarrassing but ultimately quite useful in trying to figure out whether something sounds normal or not. Use casual words, and try not to go dictionary hunting: if you cant think of the word chances are your character can’t either
In terms of concepts I have no idea, but I do have a few tips. I write all my short one-shots in one document (its called ‘just bad’ lmao) so its easy to start something, write a few lines, and then if it doesnt work just start a new concept, but still have all the old stuff handy. if you feel like you’ve written yourself into a corner its probably because you took a wrong turn earlier, so its just a matter of going back up and figuring out where you turned onto the dead end, or where a line could be funnier and/or sadder and/or more meaningful. Sometimes the bare bones of a decent line is there but you have to work it a little.
In this harry/ginny thing where harry is apologising for all the attention and ginny brushes him off she says:
“It’s nothing,” her voice, all force, “Anyway, it’s more funny than annoying.”
The response went through a few drafts, all variations on the same thing:
(1) “You’re funnier.” [too short, doesn’t make sense, and not really that funny. unholy trinity]
(2) “You make it funny.” Harry said, looking at her for real, “It’s not– you make it like that.” [this could work! I have no idea why I cut this, I think I forgot abt it lmao]
(3) “You’re the funniest person I know, Harry said, sincerely, and Ginny felt her heartbeat all through her, “You make it funny.” [jumping from ‘its more funny than annoying’ to getting this sincere out of nowhere is a little much, even for harry who is famously whipped]
I ended up going with this:
“It’s nothing,” her voice, all force, “Anyway, it’s more funny than annoying.”
“You’re funny.” Harry said, looking at her for real, flustered, “I mean– you make it funny. That’s all you.”
It follows the flow of the conversation and I think the way he says it, ‘you’re funny’ like its obvious, and then being like oh fuck and over-explaining it stumbling a little “I mean– you make it funny. That’s all you.”. You know when you like someone and you say something that gives you away before you can stop yourself? I wanted it to sound like that. Just gotta keep in mind how people behave, we are so stupid a lot of the time, we give ourselves away.
The thing about short stuff i find is implying a lot of history without actually describing a lot of it. I normally do this by having memories come up as almost shards, one second of feeling. You know when you’re in a conversation with someone and they mention someone or a past event, and it rises to the top of your brain, but only for a second? i find sometimes when you’re reading stuff people will try and replay entire memories or events mid-conversation, which is not something you do when you think. You don’t need to replay it beat by beat, you were there! This sounds vague as hell so I’ll try and show you what I mean:
From good crimes: “Petunia is engaged.” Lily’s voice, raw and wrong, “To Vernon. Eliza Hunt told me at the supermarket.” Sudden flashes of Petunia, the only time he’d ever met her, sat in the back of Lily’s twenty-first, pinched and whispering. “Whose Eliza Hunt?” This seems as good a thing to say as any.
pretty on the nose (the phrase ‘sudden flashes’ is pretty so i'll allow it from past me). But see how you don’t need to know how Petunia didnt talk to anyone, how she left early, how she was the odd one out: you don’t need to read all that, you already know because she was sat in the back and because pinched is such a mean verb, spiteful and sharp, you can already imagine how the evening went without me saying so
From my proposal take, after Sirius finds out they’re engaged: Sirius’ grip on his shoulder tightened for one second, still grinning, and James knew what he meant. “I know.” He said, because only Sirius had been there for all of it, when they were fifteen, drunk on Firewhiskey for the first time and James had said I think I’ve fucked it, I think I’ve fucked it but I like her for real.
you don’t need a description of the whole night, what party they were at, who they were with, what they were talking about: the important bit is that Sirius was the first person he told, and that they’re both remembering that at the same moment because they’re soulmates lmao. You know when something big happens for a friend and you feel so full of pride & love that you feel like you’ll burst into confetti?? this needed to feel like that, and you only need a flash for it
I feel like I’ve sort of strayed off from what you asked me, which is really advice on how to start something. I normally start with a line, usually of dialogue, and then try and build from there because dialogue is my thing. You might have a different thing! Some people write from concepts or locations, or an image. i might start with one or a few lines of dialogue, write them down, and then try to build from there. For example for the proposal thing I started from james just saying “Marry me”, which I find more romantic than ‘will you marry me’, purely because it sounds like he simply couldn’t stop himself from saying it, like it rushed out. Another example, this thing started from just “don’t be mad at me” “okay” James agreed instantly, because he is such a sucker for her.
When I write I don’t normally know where I’m going! I normally set out to write something I think is vaguely funny and evokes An Emotion, and then I just play around with stuff until I get there. when I write certain stuff and I have scenes in mind, stuff I want to happen, but I find that if I try to plot it to tightly its not exciting to work on, because sometimes you write a good line by accident, that you hadn’t thought of when you sat down, and you surprise yourself. That is a really nice feeling! i want to maximise that feeling.
'What I mostly try to remember is that writing something down, anything down, is useful. Sometimes you write for a whole night and dont get anything useable, but its like clearing pipes. Sometimes you have to flush through shit to get to the good bits. All the rough stuff, the things you don’t like or didn’t work, you wrote to get you to the stuff that did work. All of the bad shit got you here! It wasn’t a waste, you were working to find the good thing
If I had any tips its just the usual stuff, read! It is annoying how much that helps. Also, and I know this may make you shudder, but reading poetry is useful just because in no other literary or media form is language so important. In comics you have pictures, in novels you have plot and character, in film you all that and cinematography, but in poetry you live and die by how good the words are. If you want recs here’s my poem roundup tag, that I do sometimes, or if you want something just now read this by Anne Carson, which uses words like ‘smashing’, ‘boatwash’, and ‘green’ in the best way possible. Also it has these lines: “Recently having learned to recognize the type of tree called sycamore, / I see them in any forest— / the ones that look harrowed, / in shreds, but / go also / straight up into life,”
I mean, think of a sharper image than that?? It’s not possible. Just try remember to stay true to your characters and that in real life, the little stuff is the big stuff. Little things the people around you do normally show they care more than big speeches, and if you want to show love that’s how to make it feel lived in. You want to build a world! the little stuff is usually the world. Take some from your own or dream the ones you wish you had.
This truly was a very kind message and I’m so grateful you like my stuff, I hope any of this was even half-useful, although now reading it back it is borderline nonsensical. I’m going to bed now, good luck with the writing, and don’t forget to send it to me!!
caro xoxo
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elysianslove · 3 years
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Hello! I know this may not be your thing but I decided to give it a shot, if not no biggy!
I was wondering if you would be interested in writing Gojo and/or Sakuna with an asexual lover? (One that doesnt feel sexual attraction but doesnt mind kissing and cuddling etc and loves physical affection but nothing beyond that?) And like, how a relationship with that kind of person would come to be?
Because Sakuna and Gojo both give off *he totally fucks* vibes.
So how they ended up with an asexual lover would be interesting, maybe the MC rejects their advances because fear of being hated for being Ase? Because they know that the other person definitely fucks.
How would their relationship work? How would the guy react/comfort the MC.
(Maybe it ends with a epilogue with no sex(as in penetration and blowjobs to be exact but mc later in a relationship would be willing to do things like handjobs and other hands on/Using toys to pleasure their partner because they cant in that way) but lots of passionate makeout sessions/kissing/sucking and worshiping the mc's body? Especially the collar bone)
If you arent into it that's cool! I totally get it!
This is pretty self indulgent after all ahahaha it's hard being an asexual in fandoms lmao.
hi my love!! okay to start off, i’m really honored you sent in this request to me. idk just the fact that you’re trusting me with it is really sweet hehe. i’m fairly knowledgable about sexuality but i don’t like to write about things i’m not 100% sure about because i don’t wanna risk doing anything wrong or accidentally offending you! but!! thank you for going into detail with the request, and i hope this is what you were looking for, and that i didn’t do any mistakes <3
i wrote headcanons so i can go into detail and write for both!! 
some nsfw under the cut, my loves! <3
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ryomen sukuna 
i’d say, to begin with, it would take a small while for sukuna to even be accepting of his own feelings towards you. nothing having to do with your sexuality, just you in general, specifically that you’re human and so different from him. i don’t think sex ever crosses his mind, at least at the start, because he’s too busy being really angry over the way he can’t seem to control his reactions to every little thing you do. so he himself won’t actively work at starting a relationship with you.
but he will realize, over time, that you’re not doing anything either, even though he’s been noticing that you’re not pushing him or his advances away. like any act of protectiveness that involves him physically touching you intimately, you don’t reject, and you’re always ready to retort at any quip he had. he could tell that these feelings he had for you were mutual, he was just so confused as to why you weren’t doing anything about it.
sukuna’s a thousand year old cursed spirit. he does not know shit about sexuality. i think the way he’d look at it is fuck who you want and fuck who you like. i feel like nicki minaj’s said that before, has she? he doesn’t like thinking too much about it, you know? 
his confession would probably be a kiss because words? he doesn’t know them. when he feels you return the kiss he’s, deep down, elated, really, and this is simply because of his naturally sexual personality, he starts hinting at more, until you stop him. he’s really confused because you just kissed him back? you’ve been kissing him for so long why do you want to stop now? he can see the fear steadily growing in your eyes and he’s even more confused now he’s just. humans are so weird. 
when you cautiously tell him, “i don’t want to go further than this. is that okay?” you look like you’re waiting for the world to erupt in your face. he just frowns and shrugs like, “yeah but that’s not the point. do you not want me?” 
it takes about an hour and a half for sukuna to properly process what you’re saying. at first he’s so thrown off by it, not by you! he just can’t process the fact that someone doesn’t feel any sexual attraction towards someone or doesn’t crave sex at all. it’s not that he’s rude about it, it’s just a really foreign concept to him, you know? when you add that it’s just sex, and you’re okay with a lot of other things, the gears in his brain finally start working again and he just goes. 
*shrugs* ok. 
literally lmao. like i said earlier, sukuna doesn’t give a shit like whatever do what you want. 
because of the rush of emotions he’s feeling towards you, and the fact that this in itself, a relationship, and a relationship with a human too, he doesn’t really focus on the fact that he might want more from you. he’s easily satisfied with a lengthy make out session, and he admits it to you every time he sees you get a little anxious or unsure of yourself. 
however, his needs do grow with your relationship. it’s kind of clumsy, your transition into a proper long term relationship, especially with sukuna, but you two make it work. 
you agree to try different ways to pleasure him, even if he kinda rushes through them because he’s generally just excited to have your hands on him. at first he’s content with anything you’re offering, but it makes him feel kinda useless when you won’t let him touch you and you have to remind him that your needs are different than his and that you’re sated differently.
i see sukuna as a curious and experimental guy, so he would definitely let you use toys on him. nothing too extreme, because he still needs that sense of control, but you do use some toys like a fleshlight or a vibrator to rile him up. he likes using your hand too, because it’s always so soft against him and it feels a hundred times better than any toy. he learns not to overstep any boundaries though, and not to do anything that might make you uncomfortable even if it takes him a little longer. like i said, the whole idea is just different to him, so it takes him a while to understand, and he’s still learning as he goes!
he loves your make out sessions, especially after you establish your boundaries and your limits and what you’re willing to do for him. he absolutely adores leaving your skin a sky of blue, pink and purple it sends chills down his spine marking you like that. he’s always touching you all over, and just loves to grab and knead at your skin. 
in the proper long term, he doesn’t mind it at all tbh. the two of you develop a system, and he’s okay with it. the same way you would never cross his boundaries and force him to do anything he doesn’t want, he’d do for you too! it really never truly mattered, and it truly never will.
gojō satoru
different from sukuna, i think gojō would definitely be knowledgable about things like this. idk he just seems like the kind of guy that’s innately so aware of everything around him, and can read people exceptionally well.
he probably picked up on the fact that you weren’t comfortable with sex, or just didn’t experince sexual attraction, on his own, but never really brought it up because it was never his place. but the same way he picks up on that, he picks up on your obvious crush on him. he pays both details no specific attention until he starts to realize his own feelings for you, and begins on his subtle advances.
he tried to make his advances as sfw as possible, you know? just in case his suspicions were confirmed to be true. he was just extra flirty, sometimes touchy but never in an inappropriate way. very subtilely like always having your shoulders or knees touching or dusting of your jacket or feeding you a piece of his food. cute little things like that.
he gets super worried when he notices you start to distance yourself from him, because he can’t imagine what he might’ve did to push you away. he overthinks a little, worried that he overstepped his boundaries or made you uncomfortable in any way, but he isn’t afraid to approach you about it, to make sure he doesn’t repeat his mistakes, especially with someone like you, who he’s slowly growing more and more infatuated by. 
when you admit to him you’re asexual, he realizes he was right, but then he’s like, “and? did i do something?” and now it’s your turn to be confused because here you were worried about rejection but here he was worried about you? 
this specific incident is what makes you let loose and finally just freely admit your feelings for him. he’s ecstatic about it, seriously! all that’s on his mind is that he gets to go on a date with someone he really likes. sex is the last thing on his mind, and yeah, you’ll eventually have to talk about it, but not for now. it’s for later, when things get a little more serious. 
they do get serious, to both your delights, but the dreaded moment is approaching you. gojō definitely sits you down and says, “we’re only having this talk so i know never to do anything outside of your limits. everything about this relationship is 50/50, and i want to know ways to make you feel good, too.” 
please sir your hand in marriage.
i definitely believe gojō’s a kinky guy, and is more than willing to try out literally any sex toy you pull at him. genuinely, he’ll try anything you wanna try. if you ever offer a handjob, he’ll ask a million times over if you’re sure. usually, he likes to just do it himself, but have you there next to him. he won’t touch you, but your hands will be in his hair, and you’ll be kissing his neck, or just murmuring how much you love him in his ear, just spurring him on. he knows the last thing on your mind is anything sexual, but there’s just something about being under your watchful, almost bored gaze as he fucks himself.
anyways before i get too into it lmfao, he loves kissing you. loves loves loves it. not even full blown make out sessions, just gentle, serene kissing. he can kiss you for hours. 
he is also incredible at body worship and praise. paints your pretty collarbone pink and purple, whispers about how you’re perfect for him, describes all your features to you like poetry. he’s an incredible lover, really. nothing can make him fall out of love with you, absolutely nothing. 
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imagineurfavs · 4 years
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Pentagon Kino - Birth Chart Analysis
“Hi! love ur writing huhu do you think u could do a birth chart analysis thingy on kino from ptg??? ik hes an aquarius but he doesnt really seem like one??? sdfd thank u :)”
aaaaaah thank you so much for requesting this, ive been aching to write sth like this for ages lmao. i didnt know from which angle you wanted it, like relationships, sex or whatever so ima just do an overall kinda one. lmk if you want something more focused aha Also i agree lol, hyunggu doesn’t really seem like a straight up aquarius, i wish i knew what time he was born i could see his ascendant lmao ALSO. I’ve just done the first 6 placements as they seem to be the ones most people care about lmao, lmk if you want me to do the remaining ones
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Sun (our true self, the soul) - Aquarius (1st Decan): This is what makes Hyunggu the social butterfly he is lol, what’s probably responsible for him being in so many different social circles. Aquarians have many many varied fields of interest, which usually end up being quite niche or “out there” lol, just like how Hyunggu, the 22 year old man in 2020, LOVES old school jazz music and classic movies. 1st decan Aquarians are (mostly) open books who really do shine more when they have an audience, or at least with a lot of people surrounding them. But with that being said, they're also totally happy to be in their own company bc they know themselves so well, they’re comfortable with themselves. They also have persistence like no other lol; when they set their mind to something, there’s no lengths they wont go to to achieve it. AKA Kino the workaholic who spends his life in the studio lol
Moon (emotions, instincts, our vulnerable side) - Capricorn: Much more emotional than people think, but he prefers to keep it private. He’ll only let his emotions out fully if he totally trusts the people he’s with. (the fact that unis have seen him cry numerous times is a testament to how much he trusts us ig sdgjsg so sweet) He loves taking care of people; he likes to feel needed. With that in mind though he can be a bit of a “fixer” lol which might not always be a good thing, he’s attracted to people who look like they need some help. One of the most devoted placements in terms of relationships, they aren’t ones that really go for one night stands or short fling type relationships. This placement makes him surprisingly traditional in relationships lol, like he loves homely warm kinda vibes in that sense. Likes to show off any relationship he does have though lol, like he wont air out any private details, but he does want the world to see how well yall are doing lol.
Mercury (How we communicate & express ourselves, intellect) - Capricorn: DONT EVER BREAK A PROMISE WITH HYUNGGU OMG. He’ll never forgive you. This boy takes promises so seriously, and takes any secrets with him to his grave. If he ever gives you his word on anything, you best believe he means it with every fibre of his being. Kino isn’t someone to mince his words, he always means what he says. He’ll still try his best to not hurt any feelings, but he won’t lie. This is what helps him follow through with all the ideas that he gets, he’s great at planning and knowing what’s worth seeing through to the end and what just wont work. Which is probably why everything he’s ever put out to the public is god tier shit lol, he wont spend time on anything less than perfection. Another placement that favours tradition, you wont ever catch him slipping up on any honorifics or social formalities lmao.
Venus (how we are in love & romance, creativity, what brings us joy)  - Capricorn: Kang Hyunggu perfect husband material confirmed. Capricorn is the sign that cares most about traditions and stuff in relationships. Not always like old school kinda traditions, but he cares greatly about anniversaries and stuff lol. Very cautious in love, he wont open up or admit his feelings easily and he wont even bother pursuing someone he doesn’t see at least somewhat of a future with. Insanely loyal and steadfast in love. He’s someone you can always count on no matter the time or place, and he wants someone who’ll do the same for him. He wants a fairy tale romance lol. He wants to be remembered for what he does, to leave a legacy that lasts forever. Big on validation, he loves to be complemented and revered; then he’ll feel like all the hours of work and effort he’s put in actually meant something lmao. 
Mars (sex, passion, anger, what drives us) - Pisces I feel like this placement is the reason why Hyunggu can get so mushy and emotional. Pisceans are totally driven by their emotions, sometimes to a fault. So when it comes to something that he’s so so passionate about: ie. Pentagon, his emotions can just totally overwhelm him and before we know it hes sobbing on national TV (im looking at u rtk...). Sex isn't something he takes lightly at all, if there’s no emotion or love involved, it just doesn’t feel right to him. He views sex as something that’s good for the soul lol, its very much an emotional thing for him, as opposed to just a physical need. Very much a hopeless romantic; the type to write poetry for their significant other and cry whilst they read it to you lmao. He’d really give his all to someone he loves, to him self sacrifice is the grandest gesture of love lol. Just remember that it was him who wrote Die For U...yeah...he’s very that. It’s all or nothing with Hyunggu lol, if he chooses to give you his heart, you’ll get his soul too. (Side note this might also be what makes him sensitive and sulky lol)
Jupiter (optimism, luck, philosophy & just good vibes lol) - Aquarius To me, this placement is what makes him so agreeable like, he accepts everyone no matter what. He doesn’t care about gender, race, orientation, religion, anything like that. If someone piques his interest, nothing else matters to him other than getting to know them. He’s always ready to question authority, to break away from the norm and try new things. If he wants to do something, he’s gonna do it the way he wants to, not necessarily the way he’s been told to do it. He’s not afraid to be different, he likes to be a bit of a pioneer lmao. Mostly enjoys being with a lot of people, he loves having many different personalities to bounce off of, ig he got lucky being put in such a large group lol. But he still likes to have his freedom; or more so he wants everyone to have their freedom, so he can for sure be a bit of a philanthropist. Lowkey wants to change the world for the better lmao
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golbrocklovely · 3 years
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I know many of us like Colby at least on here, but lets not put him on a pedestal. Im not trying to attack the anon who said he doesnt try too hard to be emo but my personal opinion is that Colby wasnt always that way either. If you go back and look at photos or videos of him in Kansas and even the first one or two years in L.A, he wore fitted clothing none of this black with chains stuff. His hair was brown and flipped to the side like early Justin Bieber. He didnt paint his nails, dodnt have tattoos, and even the wasy he spoke was different. Somewhere along the way came the black clothe, dark tweets, chains and rings, hair dye, tats,and using slang like "Dawg" or even the way he says "You know what I'm sayin'". Everyone changes, it rare to see someone who doesnt in terms of style and taste. Ones environment and surroundings has a lot to do with that. As a Californian i can tell you that being kooky and weird here is very expected and not judged like it is in other states or towns. A guy walks into a store with neon green and purple hair wearing platform shoes and no one makes a big deal out of it or does a double take.
The only people who do get that response no-a-days are those who wear the American flag and a red hat because...well we all know why.
i can see what you mean. i think, like i said in the other ask i just posted, that maybe colby seems to be more "authentic" bc his style change came gradually, while jake's was a bit more abrupt.
but i would like to add that colby has always liked the darker stuff/emo style. he's talked about going to warped tour and liking all the famous emo bands from way back in the day. he's even tweeted a couple times back in like 2014-15 about maybe getting snake bites (which nothing screams emo to me more lmao), about getting tattoos, reposting punk edits of himself and thinking they looked cool, and how his mom hated that he wore a lot of black. i think to some extent he didn't go into his full style that he has now bc first off, he was young and maybe just didn't know how to conceptualize it. also, idk what it's like to grow up in kansas, but i don't think it screams 'accepting of alternative styles'. and moving out to la, he probably saw a lot of the alt styles and thought 'hey, i like that' and decided to change into it. and that's not being fake or pretending, so much that it is more like him slowly finding himself by being around ppl he wanted to look like, not to mention being more comfortable with himself.
personally i think he's always had a bit of more melancholic vibe to him, and i think that came out more when he got his heart broken. by 2017 is when he was going more into the dark/emo tweets, and that's around the time he was starting to get over his heart break. and he's also kinda eluded to the fact that between the trap house and the apartment, he grew up a lot and part of that comes with getting introspective and writing bad poetry/tweets (trust me i would know haha).
i agree with you, in case i didn't make that clear lol but i do think colby's vibe could be seen as more real bc his came slowly.
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souljournaler · 3 years
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I’m gonna reach out to that cop-looking entity and channel the message
i’ll put my communications in bold
immediate update, i can’t seem to get a lock on them. i remember their outfit, but each time i try to imagine it, their form underneath the outfit shifts. sometimes they are shorter, sometimes they are tall, sometimes they are lean, sometimes they are broad. they are always quiet, but i can sense they feel something under their masks.
my bias says again, astral cops. magic fasc. the fact that their masks were so featureless and shiny, and the military-ish uniform? Black pvc is A Look, i gotta admit, but it looks so hella fasc-y & cop-ish
let’s see if i can get any of them to talk
they dont expect me to go straight for seeing through their eyes. i’ll put my feet in their feet and feel them in their own shoes and it makes them leap. i get kicked out immediately. i think it’s hilarious. i dont think they agree.
they dont even know why theyre there, they are just following orders. many are not even lucid until i disrupt them and then we both get kicked.
some of them are awake while their energy is out busting ppl’s dream bubbles! not like breaking them, but like a cop would bust someone, but literally in people’s dreams and astral spaces
they look for cracks.
oh whoops someone is getting me back!! time to channel
who is this
how did you find me
where are you
open your eyes
are you real
wow hm ok, well, they weren’t very strong, just very startled. they cant stay focused now that they’re awake. i think they felt my presence though. oops lmao
someone has been looking for me. maybe not me, but something/someone like me
they have a higher voice, dark hair, tan skin, extremely slick & neat bun, dark brown eyes. their favorite hair accessory are navy or grey scrunchies. big ROTC vibes. innate magical talent but doesn’t know how to use their power which has become more intrusive on their everyday life over the past few years. they live in a nice house post-2000s construction or remodeled then, mostly tidy, workout equipment, house plants, white walls & light tile floors. Black gym bag. didn’t have time to take their grandma’s powers & practices seriously.
who are you
why are you looking for me
i was told to find you
who told you to find me
my grandma, i think
did you bust my dream a few weeks ago?
no. what?
who are you?
i cant hear their name cuz honestly i dont want to know but i heard Lieutenant. it’s really hard to stay focused cuz im hella distracted in my workspace rn
wow you’re really strong
thanks. wait what do you mean?
you keep finding our connection again
you keep diverting
ok. that’s true. well, what can you tell me about the 
wow i got distracted, just got some kinda good news oh wow they’re pulling me back
where do you keep going
another channel
what’s that mean
you’re channeling baybee
what’s that mean
sixth sense henny
welcome to clairaudience. hearing shit.
they cut the connection
no they didn’t lol they’re back
wym hearing shit
spirit realm baybee. did u just have a weird dream?
ooh the connection has cut out again
i think they’re having a lil moment. their call feels like someone pinching my deltoids lol. they do seem kinda cop-ish the way i saw them just now. i wonder if we’re on the same earth.
woop they’re reaching again.
what do you want?
what do you want?
you first
who are you
Look, Lt. you have some powers. your grandma didn’t get to tell you about them.
wym?
sorry, i can’t tell you anything else. you seem kinda cop-ish, no offense. it’s harshing my vibe.
wym cop-ish
no offense
wym cop-ish
u ask a lot of questions i dont rly have answers to. look, i saw someone dressed like this in my dream right as i was waking up. do you know them?
[the image of the outfit from my vision]
no i don’t really recognize that.
okay, that’s all i wanted to know. i thought about them and something clicked our energy together. i wasn’t really looking for anything else.
[they showed me my image back] i don’t think i’ve seen them.
i see an image of a dream where they are wearing that outfit and they see themself in a mirror and take their helmet off. they are surprised to see themself underneath.
are you recording me?
no
im lying, im recording this.
i can’t do this right now
ok bye.
i tried to close the link
why the hell did you record that?
you need to be more careful about what you share on a psychic link.
i’m seeing the flash from their dream again
why is that bothering you?
i don’t know
it feels normal. but scary.
what’s scary about it?
i don’t know. just... the mask makes me faceless. and i’m taking it off because i want to see myself.
why did you redact that part?
quit asking too many questions.
ok.
who are you?
you can call me whatever.
that’s not gonna work
no it’ll be like odysseus calling himself nobody, that’s cool
i’m not doing that. that means i’m polyphemus
oh my gods you know epic poetry, that’s cool
of course, we all had to read it in school
yeah i guess that’s true.
why are you trying to trick me?
because im assuming you’re a cop. just cuz u have powers doesnt mean i can trust u.
should i not trust u either?
no u can trust me if u want. but like, honestly, it’s up to u and ur discretion.
okay.
i’m still recording this
what dude what the fuck
sorry. i’m going to close this channel now. it’s been nice! bye!
where are you going?
they’re holding the channel open
hey i’m talking to you
who are you
im closing the channel
hm. okay. well. okay. honestly i ran out of energy at the end there but they kept putting their foot in the door to the channel. ppl with innate power can be scary cuz they don’t know how strong they can be. i bet that person is gonna feel hella tired later.
they tried the channel again a couple times but i’ve closed my personal channel for a little bit so they keep hitting it like a wall.
wait
who are you
why did you contact me like this
what am i supposed to do now?
idk fam, have yourself a lil moment tho
i’ll let yall know if i hear anything new but im gonna submit this post now
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essentialtoils · 4 years
Note
Hi! if you're still doing matchups, can I please ask for one for bsd and one for hq? I've been told that I come off as intimidating and 'unapproachable' to people at first glance, but that's just because I tend to keep to myself and don't initiate interactions. Once they get to know me however, they realize that I'm actually not all that intimidating haha. I'm soft-spoken and polite most of the time, but I might snap back if somebody is being particularly nosey. I love cats (1/3) - 🦋
My mood also tends to change /very/ quickly and I often end up snapping at others. I'm very much into classic literature and poetry and love to read a lot of different works from different cultures, though my favorite is Russian and Arabic literature. I'm a night owl and like talking about obscure things, philosophy, stars and the universe, but at the same time I have the most lame sense of humor (you could just say 'alpaca' and id start laughing lmao) (2/3) - 🦋
I love to draw and write and have been told that I'm good with words, although that doesnt extend to speaking, as Im never quite able to actually speak about what I'm feeling. I dont cry easily but can't stop once I do. Im deathly afraid of letting anyone /know/ me because it feels like giving away a part of myself, but because of that I can never seem to form any real connections either. Also clinically depressed, I don't feel fully human sometimes. Sorry this was so long! thank you ❤ (3/3)-🦋
... In some ways, you remind me of myself omfg! For this particular reason, it took me a while to pick your matches – ok so mostly because I tried to resist the urge to pair you with my former crushes because that felt weirdly self-indulgent? But then that failed HAHA
Coolheaded and observant, Odasaku accepts people for all their quirks because that’s what it means to appreciate the life that empowers people to write and read stories. I can imagine him admitting out of the blue that you remind him of Dazai, and we all know how much he cares for that lost boy. Maybe it’s another thing that draws him in: the possibility for people like them to fill their hungry hearts with as much beauty and wonder, the hope that emptiness turns to melancholy and then transforms into something meaningful. Perhaps something so meaningful that it has to be shared, writer to fellow writer/reader. It’ll be a slow burn; Odasaku has his own secrets to keep and maybe even some nagging thoughts that he’d like to lock away for good. But I believe that the both of you are good people at heart and that you’re able to bring that out of each other and maybe other people too.
Kuroo isn’t as... poetic. But if there’s one thing that drives him, I think it’s his belief in the connections between individuals. There’s this interpretation of his character that I’ve shared with some people in the fandom that he’s actually not as ambitious as he seems, but rather someone who wants to look after and do his best for everyone around him, even his rivals (guys he REALLY is always that kind)! There’s a chance that this “provocation expert” will tease you from time to time, maybe even try to drag you into his different friend groups, but I think he does so without pushing you far outside of your comfort zone. Like Odasaku, he’s observant and he’ll be careful and cherish whatever secrets you reveal. Enthrall him with all your knowledge – he’s intelligent and curious, so expect lots of fun and maybe eye-opening conversations!
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mushbabe · 7 years
Text
dp: thoughts on sam and danny
stop me if i’m assuming, but the general opinion seems to be that danny and sam don’t really have a whole lot in common, at least not enough to warrant a romance
so here’s some areas in which i believe they have common ground that i dont think get talked about much
parents don’t understand me: it seems like sam would’ve sympathized with danny’s awkward relationship with his parents and how different he is from them because she’s the same way with her family, (danny would probably feel the same thing once he actually met her parents/saw the way they lived) her parents are uppity, primly dressed, and “well-mannered”, while sam is more of a stony-faced realist, has more attitude than her parents can contain, and is into all things alternative. they both also share the same kind of pressure from their parents to take after the family. danny’s always pressed into joining team fenton, doing more ghost-hunting, etc. and sam’s gothic fashion and interests are looked at with disapproval and suppressed by her parents.
personality wise, i think they hit a lot of the same beats. they’re both pretty darn sassy, sarcastic, disillusioned little shits, and like, remarkably unafraid of some really freaky shit for 14/15 year olds. imo i think normal life would bore the hell out of them if they had to quit doing ghost stuff. these adventurous kids like the thrill i guess
they also compliment each other well: sam doesn’t let people push danny around when he loses his backbone, and he is also super fucking supportive of her when she’s being judged (holy hell the end of the beauty pageant episode) danny is also kind of a dummy, but sam’s common sense keeps him steered right for the most part. 
they’re both ostracized from the “in-crowd” at school. yeah this one is pretty obvious, w/e, but for a long time, all that the trio had was each other. they both got bullied and ridiculed for being a bit different. bonds get stronger in adversity and all that good stuff
they do actually share interests: they all see a lot of the same movies and play the same games together, implying that they love the same media (i know this doesnt seem like a huge connection, but as someone who has dated people who like both none of the stuff i like and then also all of the stuff i like, this is an enormous part of a relationship. you have to be able to enjoy things with them)
now i’m not saying that sam’s crush on danny didn’t manifest until he became a ghostie lmao (because i’m sort of certain that’s exactly what happened), but i will say that i think its totally possible for sam to be as individual as she is (be a vegetarian, dress the way she wants, be woke af, enjoy beat poetry, be jewish etc.) and as different as she is from danny and still have a romance be possible. they’re like... super close and caring for one another and shit. thats the big thing
i’m not necessarily advocating for the ship or anything. i like them both as a romantic pairing and as really good friends, its great either way. but this is just kinda to show that imo i don’t think the relationship is as impossible as a lot of people seem to think 
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yumenosakiacademy · 5 years
Text
metr0con 2019 saturday diary
cosplayed/breakfast: same as the other 2 diaries. snack: a twin kitkat.
my eyes only, buckaroo. for future me.
can i b real w u i waited until 3 am to type this n a lot (esp from panels/early in the day) is HELLA fuzzy!!! sry! ;w; also it’s like. 4 am as im typing this n im not in the mood to write a diary! recalling everything is tiring, yknow? n i need to go to bed ghh... anyway!!
we left late bc i couldnt decide who to cosplay n i arrived late :(( anyway, it hadnt been 5 minutes there when i dropped my plastic purple heart ring i had from the dentist n i was so sad :( but i went to the bn-ha panel n i dont remember a lot of it sry. i remember iida wore a giant floppy sunhat that said Sunny Vibes on it tho n momo wore a black n white striped dress w sunflowers!
After this was cafe-stuck and it was fun! everyone kept calling jade a furry n i asked nepeta if she’d ever seen Nyan Neko Sugar G!rls to which she said no n someone asked her if she’d heard of/seen nek0para n she said she’d heard of it but it was “a bit.. too Extreme/Much for me.....” and someone asked the group (vriska, jade, john, dave, nepeta, tavros, aradia) why they were doing this and they said it was equius’ and john’s (i think?) prank that got way too out of hanf bc kanaya made the outfits for reals. someone asked vriska if she was a furyr cuz she had a spidersona and throughout the panel vriska and tavros kept talking abt how vriska took away his legs/him not having any. i asked the aradia n vriska if they’d work good together to make a good hall0ween themed cafe if this cafe were real n they were like “what’s hall0ween?” n the others told them it was a holiday that had candy n dead bodies n stuff! n someone asked abt who has the least human rights or just rights in general n john was like “jade u dont rights, ur an animal” n jade was like “trans rights”.
i decided to skip the d-dlc panel bc i didnt rly wanna write poetry cuz i do that at home n i dont rly care abt theories n discussing stuff like that so! i went walking around the dealers room n stuff. my crown actually came off at this time n i remember feeling like my crown had fallen off bc i thought i heard the mini whoosh it makes when it falls down but when i looked behind me, it wasnt there so i checked the aisles nearby n it wasnt there so i assumed someone had snatched it off my head but after a lot of walking, i found it half-underneath a con table w black tablecloth?? so i picked it up n went to the cosplay help desk and the guy safety-pinned it to my wig so i was all good to go!!
after that, i tried to look around to see if i could find any ens-tars cosplayers bc the meerup but i didnt see any so i was like oh well whatever im going to the LL panel anyway. so i went to the aki hana panel n i have videos of it! so im not rly gonna talk abt it. they played kings game there tho and “who’s most likely”! they said “who’d like an!mal crossing the best” n my immediate thought was rin so i raised my hand but the answer they had thought of was kotori, which actually makes much more sense haha. they said my answer was valid tho. i still got candy for answering! anyway the punk set ruby next to me ended up being the hifumi from yesterday that gave me the flower tin n they said it was nice to see me again n i said i wasnt able to go to the ES meetup bc i was only told when it was, not where it was, n they said that Eri/Eli (?) 9im guessing that was the host of the meetup) had to cancel it n i went oh. at the end of the panel i received a kotori pic! also a girl dressed up as a witch complimented my tsukasa outfit n i knelt down n said “thank you, princess” or smth i was like “i had a ring that i was gonna use to like. pretend to give to pretty girls but.. i lost it” n they seemed flattered but we parted ways!
after this was the aqours panel n the hanamaru did a dance n the you also did one but then they started playing the p0cky game n Headphones n i got kind of bored so i left n i heard “tsukasa!” n it was the jakurai from yesterday (that told me abt the meetup) dressed as mao in a yukata w their friend as oni ritsu n they looked so good! the jakumao apologized saying the meetup was cancelled. i think we talked for a sec then i went to go check out the rw-by q n a n it was a whole lot of roasting from the audience haha bc they did questions one at a time (ex: questions for yang, now questions for blake...) n i asked yang how she gets her hair so nice n she went “...nice?” w an unbelieving laugh/tone then they moved on n i was confused but oh well! they asked summer how she felt abt sloppy seconds bc taiyang n how taiyang’d feel abt a 3rd wife n nora got asked how many pancakes she could eat at a time n she was like “how much time do ya have?” n after the qna they started playing a weird game n it was rly boring so i left but the panel was almost over anyway. 
after i left i ran into a ramuda n they recognized me as tsukasa n they’re into ES n they said they hadnt watched the anime yet n they were surprised to see valkyrie in it bc they thought they werent gonna b but they said they hope the anime doesnt butcher shhu bc they like shu n know a lot of ppl hate shu n stuff. we talked abt the ES cosplayers at the con for a bit n i told them abt the ritsu+mao cosplayers n we had anice time talking n they said they rly liked rabits n i was like oh dude me too!! “i havent met anyone who hates ryu-seitai. like, Good.” n they were like “how could you hate ryu-seitai, they all wanna b nice n make friends” n i was like “yea mayb except midori” there was more but yea! i also ran into the witch girl n her friend from earlier bc they went “tsukasa!!!” n her friend (cosplayin smth from hn-k) showed me they had/got a leo plush n i was like “OH MY GOD. HE’S FINALLY BEEN FOUND!! HOLD ON CAN WE HAV A PIC W IT” so we took a pic of the leo plush beside my “where is leo??” sign like!! hell yea! n i was like “leo needs to pay child support. he’s evading his taxes. tax fraud” or smth around this point i think. at some point, on the escalators, i noticed a juto n a samatoki but when they got off the scalator they were heading for the exit so i couldnt rly ask for their pic so i decided to try n find em later.
then i went to the bn-ha panel but it was full to the BRIM but i made the mistake of sliding into the middle of an empty row for a good seat but the prson sat in front of me had big poofy hair so i couldnt see like half of the characters n ppl filld all the seats to my left n right so i couldnt leave. i was rly bored n trapped so i went on my ipad for almost all of thepanel n read part of a chiana/zu fic n stuff until the girl w the big hair left then i focused a Little more on the panel but i was still bored so wehn i noticed the ppl to my right all leave except the one guy next to me, i left the panel. i was sad bc at the time of that panel, there was a DR murder mystery panel that i couldve tried to attend instead but i was trapped so i couldnt :((
after that i decided to wander around for a bit before idolfest but when i went in at 5 pm, i 4got just how small that room was n how few chairs it had, n there were ppl standing against the walls so i leaned my sign against the right of the double doors BUT I LOOKED AHEAD N THERE WAS!! A HYPM!C PERFORMANCE STARTING TO HAPPEN!! DIVISION RAP ANTHEM WAS STARTING UP N MTR WAS ON THE STAGE!! but there were tall ppl standing in front of me n i was crowded against the back so i raised my ipad way above my head n started recording n watched them thru my ipad util someone opened the right door n i had to scramble tog rab my sign n lean it against me somehow n it made my fildiming falter but!! god i was just so exciting bc i wasnt expecting A HYPM!C PERFOAMNCE!! they did so good too ;w; after that, it was a solo hanayo perfoamnce then 3 songs from a non-anime-specific idol group that did 3 voca songs (one of which was LUVVVORATORY!!) n another non-anime dol group that did kpop songs (they were rly pretty n good) n then a you solo then a you/hane duet! ALSO during the hypm!cperformance, te juto n sama n a gentaro were dancing in front of me n right after the perfoamcne, a BB group opened the door but realized they missed the hypm!c performance n left n i decided to try n find em later too. 
after the last performance, there was still time, so a samus came over to me n asked to take a pic of my sign n they said they like ens-tars too n they said they cosplay tsukasa too n they ran a panel as him back in georgia n we talked abt best boys n i showed them all the keychains on my bag n when i pointed at mika n said 2nd best boy they went “:o me too!” n there was a lot more said but we went on talking for a while abt ens-tars n they showed me pics of the tori n arashi cosplayers that day they saw. 
after that i just walked around for like 45 minutes until the samus saw me again n waved me over so i was talking w them n they were apparently drinking alcohol despite being 18 n their friend was 23 n we were just talking abt stuff n i noticed a trigger group on the escalator n we called out to them n i took their picture n samus was like “dude it’s so cool that ur into id0lish7 too” n then we kept talking n at one point the samus was like “tsukasa i luv u” n made a lil finger heart n i tried 2 make one but my hands were kinda full but i managed to make one! they also said earlier today, they saw a sasuke cosplayer getting arrested n they took a pic of it for their snapchat lmao n it was them in front of a cop car n they said the person said “dont touch me!!” to the cop. the friend w samus said the only idols he knows were the combie one n that saki was def best girl hands down like, its a fact n i was like “ur right. it not even a hot take, its the Facts.” anyway then i wnted to walka round a bit more so i did n at like. 7:10 i decided “why not go near the photosoot area n registration to see more cosplayers that r there bc ive just been walking repetitive loops around the dealers room entrance n the con floor so! there could b some new cosplayers there! n lo n behold i found a tenn n ryuu that i had seen briefly earlier! n took their pic! then less than a few ftaway, i tried to walk past some ppl but there was a bag in the way so i stepped over it (like, not on it, i mean. like, Over, to avoid it) but i noticed it was an MTC itabag n the person next to it had bunny ears n it!! was the juto n sama i was looking for! so i took their pic n was talking abt how cool it is to see more hypm!c cosplayers here this yr until some guy came up n started telling the samatoki they looked like kaworu n they mistook them for kaworu n they said they didnt kno who i was supposed to b but i looked nice (iirc?) so i left n near the prop check table, I SAW THE BB BOYS! so i ran up to them n asked for a picture n then i started talking abt the hypm!c thing n there being so many this yr when there were none last yr n the jiro was like “aa ur tsukasa” n we started talking abt ES a lil bit n the anime then i complimented their ritsu+mao plushies on their bag n left!
after that i just roamed the halls until 8 pm. then the v0ltron panel! keith n lance hd like, a roasting rivalry going on n keith was like “i keep getting bullied! i dont deserve this!” n i kept askiing questions. me, a green ranger, a dave, n the dave’s friend were mainly the ones asking questions lmao. anyway keithd b like “lance dont touch me oh ew” and i asked keith what his fav anime was since he said he was a weeb n he said blue ex0rcist n i asked keith if hed seen LL (bc LL cosplayers were dancing to the music outside the panel room n i heard it) n lance was like “oh yea, he knows all the dances. he does them in his room” n keith denied it n at one point, i was like “since keith n lance share one braincell, who has it the most” n they said keith. the bonding moment was also mentioned a lot and alluras death n how lance can get much more “game” than keith (like, ladies. sorry im tired they might hav used another term) and an amami in the audience told lance to fortnite dance with him aftr thelance fortnite danced n!! just. a lot happened. it was a very casual-ish panel imo. haha.
after that i 4got that the bn-ha panel was at 10 not 9 so i just decided to wander then hit up the dance floor for most of the duration n i spotted the juto n sama n a nurse ramuda that i remember the samus talking abt n also someone who looked like the arashi the samus showed me but in an ali!ce madeness returns dress  o i asked the ramuda for a pic and then started dancing and the juto got into one of the dance circles n just started going hard as HELL n i was just dancing in the area they were near n out of the corner of my eye i’d see juto just absolutely KILLING IT w their dance moves bc they were dancing in front of their friends (occasionally w samatoki or posing w them) n i was just jamming out n during a slow song i pulled up a pic of chiaki on my ipad n started slowdancing w my ipad n the girl near me was like “that’s a Mood” n i think i heard the possibly-arashi n the others laugh a bit bc i was slow-dancing w “chiaki’ haha but god the dance floor was WILD! there was a guy w a saxophone at some point playing along w the music then a guy w a guitar! n we yelled lyrice to dont stop believing n stuff.
the the bn-ha panel! ...i was bored. most of the time i put tape on my leo sign and looked up wigs on ebay n stuff n sometimes i couldnt hear v well bc i sat near the back. they started up like, truth or dare but w a beach ball to decide who got to ask the dare or w/e? but i noticed a gentaro in the back of the room so i was like “ill just wait until the end of the panel then ask for their picture” then trivia started n they eventually asked what episode dabi appeared in n i was thinking “ep 7 of the most recent season” n some guy guessed that (he was the only one who fuessed) but the izuku n katsuki looked at their paper n i heard them mutter “episode 31″ so after somebody guessed ep 42 n the panelists said ‘”guess between 30-42--” i said ep 31 n went up n got a pack of aiw stickers but i shoulve taken the superhero shirt tbh. aftr that i decided to leave n asked the gentaro for a pic n they were one of the ryuus earlier they said n also a jakuarai from yesterday! they were like “oh! ur the tsukasa i keep seeing/running into!” n i was like “oh! hi!”
idk what convo this was in but someone was like “do u like how they did anzu?” n i was like “oh she’s so cute they rly said Fuck Anzu Haters” n they agreed.
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pj-fanfics · 7 years
Text
Murray Backstory
so murray and bianca lived in same neighborhood cute fat kids in their class only fat kids sometimes they'd get teased early on like they gunna get married and they'd laugh it off like yeah w/e bianca has a pretty backyard with her own tiny garden she invites him over to help her out lifting bags of dirt cuz she lives with her aunty and she's brittle/can’t lift much over the years, murray starts to grow a crush on her bianca is always super sweet and never malicious, she is very caring person she even had a choice to live with her rich uncle or frail aunt and picked her cuz she thought she needed the most help so one day, some bullies sneak into bianca's backyard and smash up bianca's garden and that was just tip of iceberg bianca's aunt has a nasty fall and breaks her leg they end up having to move with her uncle cuz they can't provide for her in their tiny town but she never told murray cuz she didn't want him to worry about it he knows about the garden, not the moving part so he saves up all his money and in one night, replant a good chunk of what she had planted before it just so happened to be on the night before bianca left but then murray goes to school next week wanting to hear about her new garden but her friends all oh i guess she didn’t tell u but she moved away doesn’t believe them runs to her house to find it for the most part empty, she never had a whole lot in the house, all that mattered was that garden there's a note on the gate to the garden left for him thanking him and asking him to forgive her for not saying anything about the move he ends up keeping this note throughout his life but that kicks starts his spiral of depression he gets mad first and bitter for not saying anything to him questioning if they were ever really friends but he's just a teen, he's a very sensitive boy and bianca knew that no matter how much he tried to hide it by acting quiet and cool mad at himself for never telling her how he felt though it seemed obvious to everyone else, including Bianca as he grows up, he passes by her house every day to school has to start taking the longer route to avoid it checks on the garden he planted it's withering, close to dying he goes on to school by the time he's in hs, he's gone total cool quiet commando wrestle team captain but still really smart ends up being a part of poetry club as well which gets the babes babes start asking him out he sees quite a few of them after school and they tell their friends somewhere during that time, he bumps into tippo and serenity they like hey we heard you're a decent writer, we need a songwriter for our band, u interested Murray like yeah maybe Serenity’s shitty hs band only consists of her, Tippo and Murray Murray as bass player Im sure Anit is invited to be in the band as well but they're maybe unsure of their potential Anit goes to college later on, Murray takes over drums for the songs that need it most the songs don't require them as much Murray also in charge of odd instruments kazoo, triangle, tamborine, digiridoo, rainstick Murray finishes hs but doesn't go off to college gets lots of girls for his looks and mute demeanor plenty of them prolly groupies of shitty hs band that's the name of the band "shitty high school band" has a gang motif they usually only play one gig a month 2 if they really wanna but for Murray it's a decent distraction then one of their so-called fans, a Roselia, says she's been a fan since their beginning but Murray never takes the compliments to heart he doesn’t recognize her but they fuck and later she finds him like we gotta talk, I am pregnant, you’re the dad and I wanna keep it Murray world comes crashing in first of all how did you get this number I’m half way across the countryside for this tour *consisting of 8 cities, lame ass tour but BEFORE ROSELIA CALLS HIM he's performing at a stadium in the desert think south west, arizona, new mexico fans come up to him and he does the schtick of pleasing the crowds but then he catches a glimpse of someone familiar then bolts to them it's grown up Bianca has to stand up on her tippy toes to hug around his neck she still fat but she swoons like look at u~ you got sick muscles now you could be one of the security guards murray departs from rest of gang to go off with her looking at the clear vast desert skies at night catching up all night murray debating bringing up her note he gets some closure by telling her he forgives her for leaving without a word but is still hesitant to bring up his past feelings to her now that he's been around the countryside and banging a lot of girls along the way, he feels very dirty being in front of her again and she's literally unchanged then he decides he gunna do it he gunna come clean but then she sneezes her familiar cute baby kitten sneeze when she wipes her nose, he sees a ring like ....... that's new :I oh yeah, I met him while I was going to school he didn't go to school with me he was the son of my uncle's gardener after I would come home, he'd be there helping his dad and I brought them drinks and sometimes I'd help them too uvu my uncle would scorn me, telling me it's their job to get messy but i didn't mind uou murray peeks over growing up, bianca was very poor her only pairs of shoes were a pair of old boots that seemed to last forever by the time she was in middle school, she seemed to already fit into them they were always dirty from being outside sure enough, she's wearing boots, different pairs, but same brand/style and they are worn and muddy even shows her a picture of baby Kassandra and murray like I sure would like to meet her someday Bianca hands her a card with her address like stop by any time! we'd love to have you! and your band could come too if they have the time :> the next morning, Murray gets the call being around bianca that one night has sparked something in murray he's not sure what to call it but maybe from seeing the baby picture, he maybe felt a bit of remorse again for himself if things were different maybe that could have been our baby remorse for the child that IS his like I didn't love this woman, now I have a responsibility to raise it cuz I know going in, this lady is gunna be trouble and everyone else knows it too keeps Serenity on speed dial when he has to get Leila out of there quick KALA ALSO HAPPENS TO BE A SWEET TENDER LADY WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE ROUND AND CURLY HAIRED HE'S GOT A TYPE Murray winds up having to put his visit with Bianca someday on hold
kazukoyo Gotta support his babby
ProfessorBees as this crazy lady he's currently married to is abusive and threatens him and their child every other day
Kazukoyo She got a screw or two loose
ProfessorBees working mom as a stripper Murray stay at home dad and part time repair guy or construction mom works day shift daddy has to work at night then the wife finds Murray's note and address card from Bianca burns them then takes Leila like I knew you never loved me after all I've given you she clearly drunk Murray has his phone on 911 and on speaker as soon as she out the door, leila in the car crying dont u worry sweetheart, i'll make sure he doesnt hurt us again >:0 but baby leila reaches out to daddy trying to escape mom idk how his phone would be on speaker if this is early 90's late 80's? maybe just leaves phone handle down and towards angry wife doesnt know what to do she just slammed the door he immediately tells the cops his address and reporting of kidnapping then furious dials serenity and tippo to call them whats up too then mad dash to his own car and chase after wife but then crosses a dinky bridge, and sees almost if it was in slow motion, her car hit the side of the bridge and it flips over and it bursts into flames murray reaching inside desperately, manages to find baby Leila's car seat easily slips her out as she was only half buckled in, thankfully is still alive and no open wounds is about to go back for his wife, but the car's weight and flames wear strain the car cabin's support and it crushes down Murray holding baby Leila refusing to let her go waiting on the other side of the bridge for police/firemen/paramedics to check on this small baby his ex-wife did not survive the crash but Leila only had a few bruises Murray decides he's not going back to that horrid apartment full of broken memories buys a house from his old neighborhood one with dusty old items and a little dusty garden in the backyard he starts with expanding Bianca's garden from a small gated corner to the majority of the backyard, completely covering it with dirt and plants then starts to work on remodeling the house it's small but it's just him and Leila so it doesn’t have to be huge breaks down a few walls to make it more open finds a few of Bianca's old belongings puts them in a shoebox he no longer has her address but he's got it memorized by now he'll deliver them personally when he's got stuff sorted out it's nothing of huge importance her dishes, bowls, lunchbox, maybe her kid needs something of her mother’s? Leila sees the box from time to time but doesn't know a Bianca so in her early years, makes her up like she's an imaginary friend it makes Murray's heart bleed how much little leila acted like he did when he was a kid trying to act cool/quiet but of course his face always :I :'I and continues to do so for the most part ends up going to a community garden to get tips from fellow gardeners and meets a lady who's there for a weekly course she recently had a miscarriage and is taking this class as a therapy but so far, only proceeds to depress her a bit as she knows nothing about plants and her crop is wilting Murray helps her out a lot and they seem to really hit it off younger staff at garden center ship them hardcore and Kala even invites them to wedding lmao Murray just wants close family and friends Kala brings her family plus the ones who shipped them from the start Leila super >:I for a new mommy *cling to her she mine now, dad off with you we have things to discuss like who's gunna get me more cake? >:I *grabs at wedding cake gimme murray and kala put her down lEila like nO wrONG direction Leila like what 4-5? old enough to know she getting her very own mom look ferro I got one >:I *shows off tall round mom Murray invites Bianca and family too but only Bianca shows up and gives Leila a toy too Leila like thanks stranger Bianca getting her shoebox of old treasures back and Murray telling stories of young Leila pretending to have a friend based off of u Bianca finding this all wonderful that he came back to her garden and just made it bigger and also renovated that drafty house into something much more fit for a family tl;dr bittersweet murray backstory I made up in the span of 2 hours?
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