#for some reason 2018 was My Year for reading but since then I've lost enthusiasm for it

[cyanoscarlet]

alive, awake, alert

(Or, in our language, "conscious, coherent, cooperative".

Not enthusiastic, though. Much too late in the day for that.)

Felt physically fine after my bout with COVID last month. Was immensely demotivated for some reason, though. Always retired early everyday despite not being sleepy at all. I knew I was wasting time by not working on my slowly-piling academic output (hello, 0% written Graduation Thesis), but I couldn't muster the motivation to drag my ass to my desk beyond 9pm.

Today's the first day I properly set up my workstation. I already feel fulfilled. Hope this is a sign things get better for me again. I really, really, really need to get my shit together.

Last three months in residency - crossing fingers.

- (more rambling under the cut)

- Since I don't want to bother making another post anymore, have some more words from moi while I still remember my Tumblr exists lol.

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Twitter Presence

Or rather, my sort-of lack thereof. The accounts are still up, but I haven't posted at all in months, for those who've noticed. Been busy IRL, and I find Twitter's pace too fast and too toxic for comfort these days.

Funnily, around once or twice a month I'd decide to end my Twitter hiatus and post just once to get the ball rolling, but every time I'd log in, the timeline would overwhelm me so much I end up nope-ing out again, so.

cyano scarlet

*** WIPED AND LOCKED. It's there only as a placeholder now. *** I don't really have a fandom account anymore. *** A lot of things happened- mainly drifting from the BSD fandom and the friends I made on it, for almost the same reasons I left the YOI fandom in the past. For a while after, I kept getting the nagging feeling that I really shouldn't have given in to my over-enthusiasm over BSD back then and made that damn account. *** Engaging in fandom made me lose confidence in my writing again for a while, then I became so busy with IRL (residency) that I eventually lost interest in writing fan fiction altogether. (That I'll write about as a separate post when time allows- got a lot of thoughts to unpack and unravel regarding my relationship with creative writing in general at this point. I hope this is just because I'm worn out from residency and not a sign of something deeper going on. IDK.)

choon xie

*** It's the public version of my IRL account, minus all the specific self-incriminating stuff, as well as all the fandom-related stuff. *** Originally just a "nom de plume account", but it's now basically just "me" except with a different surname. (My IRL surname's a whole boatload of complicated I don't want to explain again and again to people anymore. *** When I locked cyano scarlet for good, I decided to not complicate things anymore. Being my IRL self means I can and should be able to talk about and retweet whatever the hell I want on MY space, so if I want to talk about fandom or other non-mainstream / professional (MD) / original writing-related stuff, I'd do it all as "me" and not as some partially-sanitized version of myself. (i.e. "Oh, Doc Therese is a fujo / fangirl / stan / whatever?" Yes, She Is. Deal With It.) *** That said, it's currently DORMANT / ON HIATUS. Too busy.

Real IRL Account

*** My REAL account. Also my very first one- had it since college, so around 11 years ago. *** It's the unfiltered version of choon xie, including but not limited to: specific self-incriminating stuff, regular breakdowns over residenshit, Anxiety and Depression(TM), petty whining, and more. Locked private ever since, for a reason. (That said, I whine about everything on Tumblr these days, so yeah everyone knows now anyway - if anyone's even reading.) *** Followed only by people I know IRL, and fandom / online people whom I consider close enough to let into my "real" world. You know who you are. *** Also DORMANT / ON HIATUS.

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Aerial Arts

Ah, yes, happier life update. I've started taking Aerial Classes at a pole dance stuido!

I actually took some classes in 2018 as a graduation gift to myself after med school. I wasn't actually working yet then, so I only limited myself to what I could afford with my meager allowance + red envelopes saved through the years. The day I filed for my medical license, I swore to myself I'd attend regularly and pay for it all myself.

(Then, of course, pandemic happened, and everything closed down. And of course residenshit's obviously an energy-draining bitch, but apparently I'd sorely underestimated how busy it could get, despite people saying Family Medicine's "just an easy program". Was only able to adjust properly now, sometime in the middle of senior year.)

So far the class I'm taking most regularly is aerial silks (tissue). It's the apparatus I was most drawn to in 2018, and for some reason I find myself gravitating back to it. (Also, silks classes for beginners are every Saturday, and I'm almost always available only on Saturdays, so there's really no other choice lol.)

Of course I also equally enjoy aerial hoop (lyra) and aerial hammock. They both involve a lot of spinning! Thing is, those classes happen on days I'm not available (just for now in residency!), so I don't get to attend them as regularly as I do aerial silks. I plan to attend classes for both hoop and hammock when I graduate, since I don't have hospital duties anymore by then - and hopefully will be earning more than I do now!

There's also pole, of course, which is actually the most popular class there! (Obviously.) I have my reasons for not doing pole - but who knows?

(Another reason why I'm not on Twitter or Tumblr anymore is because I'm using my Instagram again! Funny things is that I used to be inactive there instead, in favor of the two abovementioned sites, but now it's the reverse lol. I post all my aerial class videos there, despite it being locked to only IRL people.)

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I believe this has been long enough. Have work tomorrow.

#cyanospeaks #basically another life update post lol

[tardytothepardy]

So after being steam rolled by Gakuen Alice (tbh I'm still reeling from it), I decided to pick up Fruits Basket from the library! So far I've just read the first three books, and it seems nice. I'll admit I'm tentative about this series, because I think I've heard that the series becomes a whole fucking whirlwind, but y'know what I've gone through that once already I'm sure my vocal chords can stand to scream a little more.

So far, it seems fine. Idk who this Akito guy is, but he seems like he'll be annoying, to say the least. Already he seems to have his eye on Tohru, which I heavily doubt is good for her. Shigure seems to be working with Akito, for reasons that I do not know of.

As for Yuki and Kyo, who I'm pretty sure are going to be the two main love interests for Tohru, they seem fine. By the end of the third book (chapter 18) they both seem to have gotten feelings for Tohru (bc of course) and also apparently Tohru (probably just by existing) has managed to calm both of them down from how violent and argumentative they were before. So basically they both just needed a person that would listen to and understand them. Who woulda thunk.

I just have a question though: so like, all these people are related, right? The Sohma family, that has this zodiac thing (and some kind of really nasty but so far unexplained Curse), so wtf is up with Kagura and Kyo?? I simply do not care if they are like,,,, cousins, or something, I do not like that connection. Stop that right this instant, it makes me ✨uncomfy✨. Same thing with whatever the fuck is going on with Yuki and Haru??? Idk what is up with that but I don't like that. From what I can tell so far, they're all under the same family (they all have the Sohma name). So what's up with this stuff. I do not like it.

Hatori's story is pretty sad though. It definitely helped solidify the idea that Akito is simply No Good(tm) and probably wants to do Not Great Things(tm) to Tohru. Can't wait for that,,, yay,,, 😬

Hopefully though when I get around to the end of this story, it won't bellyflop as hard and Gakuen Alice's ending did 🙃

#I do intend to continue reading Fruits Basket #It seems like an interesting story #I have a giant stack of other books that I should technically get into before this buy #(***but) #this story interests me and hey at least I'm reading something #last year and most of this year I've barely read anything #for some reason 2018 was My Year for reading but since then I've lost enthusiasm for it #Hopefully the library has all of the books #It's a fairly popular series so I imagine they could get it #idk what I'll do if I can't #I'll probably just read it online 🤷‍♀️ #anyway now here are the actual tags for the seriesssss #fruits basket #furuba #(bc apparently it's also called that) #tohru honda #yuki sohma #kyo sohma #hatori sohma #shigure sohma #kagura sohma #akito sohma #in case you're wondering no i do not have a preference for any of the characters so far #maybe that will come later but for now I'm still trying to figure stuff out