#for some awful reason you feel more yourself among the chaos and unreality that is the circus than you ever did in the so called real world

[organicclownfarm]

once i have the spoons to write my leanne dennikin fic it’s over for you bitches (im bitches)

#pov: ur grandad just died and ur boyfriend fucked around and found out and then this giant shambling monster mannequin #shows up in the middle of the night and tells u about how u guys are Practically Family bc ur grandfather was one of her dads and #oh she would just LOVE to show u what the rest of the family has been up to and ur like 'alright this may as well fucking happen' and go and #for some awful reason you feel more yourself among the chaos and unreality that is the circus than you ever did in the so called real world #you used to joke to your grandfather about running off and joining the circus and he'd always wince and change the subject #but you're an adult now and that's not an option. that's not an option. so you try to forget. go back to your dreary boring life where #everything is forced to make rigid and arbitrary sense. and you fester with it. that knowing you don't belong. #but the music in your head is always there and your fingers are always tapping out the song on a keyboard that doesnt exist #and so you go back #you go back and you sit at the calliope and you play #you play and play and play and eventually the song and the notes become as familiar and /you/ as your own heartbeat. #and you know. for better or for worse. you're home. #LIKE GIRL IM JUST THINKING ABOUT IT---