#for me; i have to pass the time somehow

[egophiliac]

so excited for Kalim to save the day by swiper-no-swiping this dip. you can do it! I believe in you!

god I hope this reads properly

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #stage in playful land #stage in playfulland #i feel like kalim and the marshmallow test operates under roger rabbit rules #whether he passes or fails depends on which option is funniest at the time #anyway HEY things are finally actually happening! #so glad fellow agrees with me there #did he even expect them to make it to the show. did he very quickly have to choreograph a poppy little dance number. #honestly in retrospect i am also shocked that they lasted as long as they did #i mean. floyd is there. c'mon. #speaking of which i did really enjoy floyd going BYE JADE! MAYBE I'LL COME BACK TO SAVE YOU LATER IF I FEEL LIKE IT! #revenge for the popcorn #sorry if this is nonsensical! somehow it became like 4 am while i wasn't looking #i am super digging the evil theme park shenanigans (now that they're actually happening) #it's just Very Late!

[miusato]

Lmao so I finally done drawing a lineup of P3 cast in my Highschool AU. Call them wokesona or something ahskskskskasosk

#i really need to figure out an actual name for this AU i cant keep calling it wokesona to myself privately forever 🥲 #anyway Aki's costume is like the least y2k here cuz I cant recall anyone wearing jumpsuit as fashion at that time #but shhh mom said i can be cringe online today so like I was thinking that Aki doesnt really have a lot of new clothes in his wardrobe #most of the time he thrifted it or its a hands down from his foster parents or something #but it doesnt really matter his fangirls doesnt care that he is out of date when it comes to fashion #all they know is that boy is hot and they're the reason why Aki has terrible sinus because they wont get his name outta their mouth #anyway again this isnt their permanent clothes hhh its more like a guide for me for everyone's style #i was envisioning that if this is an actual cartoon that nick somehow decides to greenlight #it would be something like 'as told by ginger' where everyone changes clothes in every episode #anyway now that I get this outta my way I can finally go through my request hsjsjaka bUT FIRST //passes out and sleeps for 1 millennia #asukart #persona 3 #persona 3 reload #persona 3 portable #yukari takeba #mitsuru kirijo #fuuka yamagishi #aigis #aigis persona 3 #kotone shiomi #minako arisato #persona 3 femc #shinjiro aragaki #akihiko sanada #makoto yuki #persona 3 mc #junpei iori #00s highschool au

[dizzybevvie]

obligatory kh1 Paopu tree scene redraw

og under cut <3

#click for better quality as always #this is so messy but it was so fun #ITS ALSO LIKE SOMEHOW THE FIRST TIME IVE PROPERLY DRAWN KAIRI <3 SORRY GIRL IDK HOW IT TOOK THIS LONG #i wanted to shift this a lil more toward my style but other than riku i got kinda lazy icl ASKDNKJASNDKJSN #yes the bg is a bunch of squiggles. no i have not drawn a bg in several years. no i do not care. dont @ me #still tryna figure out how to shade on krita #ALSO ACTIVELY SPREADING DESTINY TRIO FRECKLE PROPAGANDA !!!!!!!!! #blue eyed freaks. miss them <3 #Sora's hair i hate drawing u but its so iconic #not intended sorikai but do what u want !!! #this was soooo fun to do #i should do more redraws and drawovers #drawing is so fun but beware. time will pass #it is (checks watch) 3:30am #well im gonna have a lovely sleep gn guys LMAO #i cant tell if i like the end product tbh so this either will be here tomorrow or it will disappear ig #but again it was so fun to do #OK ENOUGH TAGGS BYBYE #kingdom hearts #destiny trio #destiny islands #kh1 #kh sora #beverly says stuff #kh kairi #kh riku #soriku #kairi kingdom hearts #riku kingdom hearts #sora kingdom hearts

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

sits up in bed. so lana and ema definitely thought they were responsible for edgeworth "choosing death", right?

(the rest of this post was supposed to go in the tags, because it's not very well organised or written, but it got too long so. here are the slightly edited tags for your reading pleasure (or otherwise)):

i was going to make this solely about ema because she's the obvious one with her open adoration of edgeworth, but the thing about rfta is that it goes to great lengths to emphasise the connection between lana and edgeworth as well.

the sl-9 incident showed that lana grows attached to people deeply, hence angel starr's comment on how, when neil marshall died, 'she (lana) felt like her own brother had died.' with edgeworth, i think it was similar but worse. because he's not just a coworker or subordinate who's dear to her. he saved her life. and it cost him his own.

at the beginning of the case, edgeworth says he was mistaken for thinking that lana was always looking out for him post sl-9 (a statement interesting on its own because that's when everyone else says she grew distant), and, later on, he brings ema fingerprinting powder because lana asked him to. then, of course, there's the 'lady luck' comment he makes.

similarly, on lana's side, you obviously have the end of the trial when she says he did well, but there's also that additional moment post-trial where she's the only one to notice — in a group comprising her, ema, phoenix and gumshoe — that he's 'hiding', listening to their conversation. point is, there's enough to suggest that she might have been the nearest thing edgeworth had to a mia; his 'chief prosecutor' to phoenix's plain 'chief'. they're as close as two people can be in a relationship where one of them is constantly lying and the other is von karma's star pupil.

rfta is pretty straightforwardly depicted as the case which solidified edgeworth's resolve to do what he did; i don't think i have to prove that. rumours about him have reached new heights, his car and knife were involved in goodman's murder, he makes an unprecedented mistake in court by failing to connect the evidence room and carpark incidents, thus forcing the chief of police to enter the trial to do so himself, and he's publicly revealed to have relied on falsified evidence to secure a conviction in the sl-9 case, all of which only happened because of lana. jake marshall even claims that from the beginning — that if you trace edgeworth's rumours back to their source, you end up meeting one person: lana skye.

and it gets worse because at the end of rfta, she thinks he's fine!! she literally says, 'i was afraid the pressure would break you, but you rose above it,' and reminds him he's nothing like gant because he's not alone. she leaves the case thinking he will be okay. and then, what, like a week passes, and she finds out that he wasn't, and that he's gone, and it's her fault. even after she was freed from gant's control, even after she had finally stopped lying, she couldn't prevent herself from claiming another life. so much for 'lady luck', i suppose.

and the game reiterates this multiple times. gumshoe states at the start that edgeworth's ties to those higher up in the department have made him the subject of constant rumours, and phoenix says (in front of ema) that he shouldn't be held responsible for the forged evidence because that was all lana's doing, which then leads to edgeworth commenting (again in front of ema) that he feels as though 'something inside him has died.' it all goes back to lana. we can argue and say that it was technically gant's doing that caused all of this, but lana still took actions that led to it. even her complicated friendship with edgeworth isn't spared; it's that closeness between them that exacerbated those rumours. how could she not feel responsible in some way?

and with ema, it's rather obvious, isn't it? if she hadn't gone poking her nose into things, none of this would have happened or come to light. and, of course, she'd never choose anyone over her sister, not for anything in the world — it's simply not a question, but that's the problem, isn't it? it's not a question. it's not some hypothetical moral dilemma. it just is. she may not have killed neil marshall, but she still has one king of prosecutor's blood on her hands. and now she has to live with that. she just. has. to live with it. no matter if he chose otherwise.

moving on from that a little, i think it's actually wild how much of ema's journey to becoming a forensics investigator is paved with bad memories. neil marshall's death and her subsequent inability to testify are what drives her to begin pursuing it, her first proper investigation results in her idol's "death" and when she finally graduates, the person who saved her sister has been disbarred, and she can't even help because she isn't allowed to. all that pain and constant pursuit of her goals, and she's still the same ema skye, still that girl shrouded in darkness, always one step behind the truth, one step a little too late. no wonder she was angry in aa:aj. i would be furious.

#and then like a year later they find out edgeworth's fine and if that happened to me i think i would kill him fr #WKSHDKAHDKS #lana skye #ema skye #miles edgeworth #the skye sisters' relationship with one dramatic depressed prosecutor is something that can be so personal... #ive literally never thought this much about lana or ema ever. they never occupy my thoughts but somehow. #everyone else: man edgeworth's vanishing must have had a real impact on franziska and phoenix. me: what about these 2 side characters who #technically only appeared once in the whole trilogy. in a dlc. what about them. #it's actually so interesting how much lana is set up to be important to edgeworth. phoenix even says she reminds him of mia and when i #first read that i was like ??? bc of the scarf? there's more to mia than a scard phoenix. but then you pay attention to how she interacts #with edgeworth and it's like oh. i see it now. and then she disappears forever. #mind you i dont think she or ema were like. destroyed by the news of edgeworth's supposed passing. not in the way phoenix was anyway. #for better or worse both lana and ema are shown to have a tight hold over themselves emotionally speaking. lana keeps a lid on them for #years and ema is told she might have killed neil by accident and is functional after a brief faint and recess. like those women are strong. #but i do think it would have had a deep impact regardless of how well they were able to cope. like i've said i dont see how it wouldnt. #anyway this concludes my rfta moment. time to go back to being unable to say a thing about susato-san even though she occupies my every #waking moment. if you read all this ily <3 #it's also past midnight so if this is all a bit everywhere im sorry

[martyrbat]

perpetual mourning – batman black and white (1996) #1

[ID: a black and white panel sequence of Bruce Wayne as Batman investigating a murder. He performed an examination of the victim's body and found DNA evidence to convict her killer and then performed an autopsy to examine her stomach contents — which led him to a little 24/7 diner. He walks in, disrupting the cozy scene with his presence.

Bruce internally reflects, ‘People think i'm a knight. A savior. But in truth, I'm only a vessel to hold the memories of those who've passed on. Those who've no shell left to store them. They must think I revel in my victories. It must seem like I never lose a fight. I lose plenty. The ones I couldn't get to. The ones I couldn't save in time. Those are the ones I carry around inside of me. Those are the ones I'll mourn forever.’

He shows the only waitress a photo of the victim's face and asks, “Excuse me. Do any of you know this woman?” The waitress gasps and holds her hand to her head in shocked distress. She stammers, “That's Chelsea, she comes in here all the time. Sits in the same booth, the same time, reads the same book... um, what was the title...? She, uh, left here only a couple of... Why do you... Oh, god. No. Dear girl...”

Back at the morgue, Bruce solemnly gazes down at the woman as she lays in an unzipped body bag. He thinks, ‘Luckily, you hadn't digested your last meal, Chelsea. There're only a few places in the neighborhood where you were found that serve blueberry pie at this hour of the morning.’ He carefully zips the body bag entirely. The identification label states she was a thirty year old caucasian female. The name ‘Jane Doe’ has been scribbled out to now be replaced with ‘Chelsea Rain’. Bruce continues to ruminate, ‘You only have your thoughts and dreams ahead of you. You're someone. You mean something. I'll remember. You're within me now. Forever.’ END ID]

#screaming wailing sobbing.... #‘People think i'm a knight. A savior. But in truth I'm only a vessel to hold the memories of those who've passed on. #Those who've no shell left to store them. They must think I revel in my victories. It must seem like I never lose a fight. I lose plenty. #The ones I couldn't get to. The ones I couldn't save in time. Those are the ones I carry around inside of me. #Those are the ones I'll mourn forever.’ THATS HIM!!!! THAT'S BRUCE !!!!! EVERY DEATH HE CARRIES WITH HIM AND FEELS RESPONSIBLE FOR #EVEN IF ITS ILLOGICAL! EVEN IF HE COULD NEVER PREVENT IT. HES ALWAYS GOING TO BLAME HIMSELF AND DEDICATE HIS LIFE TO THOSE WHO LOST THEIRS #HES ALWAYD GOING TO FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO PROTECT THEM. IF HE HAD JUST SKIPPED THAT MEAL TO DO MORE RESEARCH. IF HE COULD OF #STAYED UP. IF HE COULD HAD FIGURED IT OUT FASTER. IF HE COULD HAVE SOMEHOW BE THERE... #JUST ALWAYS FEELING RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERY SINGLE PERSON'S LIFE. #HES ALWAYS GOING TO MOURN THE STRANGERS ON THE STREET JUST AS MUCH AS HE MOURNS HIS PARENTS !!! HIM AND HIS BLEEDING HEART !!!! #c: batman black and white (1996) | i: 1 #crypt's panels #bruce wayne #batman #ransom's recs #<- babe.... new tag... :((

[malbenita]

14 yo (short) and 16 yo (a guy)

#messy doodles again because it seems like I will have way less time in the next month #anya forger #damian desmond #damianya #spy x family #spy family fanart #long story short - dropped out of college and now apply my documents to another #they said they will accept me here but I have to somehow finish and pass semester in one month #ahahah help plz #it’s a cool place at a 19th century building in the old city centre and I finally escaped math and IT but #not like I expected that dropping out in the middle of the year would make life easy #but semester in one month sobs sobs

[theygender]

Going to visit the more conservative side of my gf's family who she's 0% out to sucks but it's also kinda funny bc like. I only have three presentation modes I can possibly pass as: turbodyke, genderfucker, or cis man. I can't look like the first one around that side of her family since she's not out as a woman to them so my presentation automatically loops back around to one of the other two in trying to avoid it, and since I'm specifically trying to NOT look queer it usually means I get read as a cis man—which completely defeats the purpose bc then I get people asking if I'm her gay boyfriend. Last time we were preparing to visit them I put on an unassuming T-shirt and jeans, looked in the mirror, and just told her "I don't think I'm beating the gay boyfriend allegations"

#choosing whether it's safer to be interpreted as a gay man or a Transgender or an inconceivably masculine straight (failed) woman #is a fucking trip let me tell you #it's one that i have to deal with to some extent any time i go outside #but adding my gf's conservative family to the mix makes it even worse #bc then i can't let people (correctly) interpret me as a dyke or even hope to pass as a straight man #and no matter what I'm interpreted as i risk outing her as some level of queer #surprisingly it seems like letting people believe I'm her gay boyfriend has been easier so far than being interpreted as her girlfriend #'fairly respectable cis gay couple' seems to be easier for them to wrap their heads around than #'too-feminine nephew starts dating a hairy & offensively masculine woman who seems like she should be a dyke but somehow isn't' #😮‍💨 #rambling

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[deus-ex-mona]

been thinking about how asuna’s [spoiler] scene in the last chapter of idol sengen is oddly underwhelming in the volume version compared to the piccoma release?

i mean l i ke (spoiler reveal under the cut)—

idk if it’s just me but seeing it in colour made the scene hit harder somehow? in some way?

s o . im just. thinking ahead here but…

what if i tried to overlay the colour panel onto the page when i eventually tl it in a few months?

i’m not good at picture editing at all.

b u t still.

i kinda wanna try to go the extra mile for asuna anyway… hmmmmmmmmm…

#oh welllll. in the end that’s for future me to decide ig… #i’m not even sure if anyone would be interested in it anyway… #maybe i could pay someone to do it for me instead (<-has 0 connections) #hm. maybe i should’ve tried to socialise more in school. maybe i’d have met a p.shop guy or two lmao #oh well. ig it’s video tutorial time… maybe… i hope i don’t fall asleep~~~~ bc it’s for asuna….!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #in any case!!!! my mind and productivity has been completely ruined by thoughts on my newfound doomed crackship of asuna x sena #like it’s a ship that could go wrong in so many ways (whether asuna gets with sena or not) and im just. ✨thoughts✨ yk??? #i love the concept of rivals/enemies to lovers asumona but. like. asusena. yk. #like picture this: ​pov you just realised that your loving gf’s sister is the same newbie idol you’ve been unfairly antagonising and such #a n d knowing how strong sena’s sisterly love for mona is… yk??? doomed crackship is ✨doomed✨ #aighhtttt ​ok im done with asuna thoughts for the day i s w e a r #(though ngl if they somehow end up giving asuna a cv and she somehow turns out to be ✨e m i t s u n✨ of honoka-chan fame (very unlikely)…) #(…i will pass on in ✨peace✨ idk i just think her powerful yet soothing voice would suit asuna (<-fell back into ll phase)) #o k o k im done fr this time i s w e a r anyways stan asuna frusu ok bye

[hexenjagd]

Major arcana of the tarot asks || Accepting

― @izar-tarazed @necrophcge @yellowfingcr @miserycorde inquired: Just saw the headcanon question and I'm most curious about this one: ― 20.  judgement:  is your muse forgiving of themselves ? how about of others who wrong them?

In many ways, it is less about forgiving and more accepting things for what they are in terms of her own mistakes, not in some form of submission or surrender-- what's done is done, more like. What she did, knowing why she did it and why she won't take it back. It's done; nothing will change it-- not mourning it, not in hating it, nor in hating herself, even if she may have wanted things to be different at one point. That was at one point. So in that, there is a measure of a sort of self-forgiveness, a state of bitter sweet peace in recognizing it and moving away from it. At this current state, she has no interest in 'walking upon her knees' or 'self-flagellation' to achieve some inner acceptance and sanctum of peace. As such, she will carry it for what it is. So in a way? Somewhat, it's a nuanced thing that touches upon various self-perceptions she has. Given what she is, what does it mean to absolve others, what does it mean to truly forgive oneself in turn for something like her? It comes in the form of a sense of self-release and realization of a self-sustaining and self-destructive cycle that she had had enough. Now she lives in a peculiar state of release, a kind of uninhibitedness after having chipped away the last of some of her shackles imagined or otherwise. There is solace and wisdom gained from these experiences, learning from where she may have went wrong and how she was blinded by a mindset or set of choices she made. She knows her hands are dirty and won't pretend they aren't, besides the fact that her very nature is a designated 'sin', so what more does the sinner have than to accept and absolve those who have harmed far less than she? No matter how high she rises she knows where she stands -or stood- in the eyes of those who look upon her with disdain in a world that has already decided that she by extent is wrong. An aberration, an incorrect existence. For some already, she was written off as 'wrong' and 'undeserving' before she ever came to do anything beyond her expected station. She found her way to reclaim and revel-- a way to live beyond that grasp, a way to break what she was caged in long ago.

With that, a sense of liberation is achieved that offers her far more... so why hang herself up chasing some ideal or station she was never meant to be part of regardless? She is a crook in the grand design and she embraces that. She will carry on. She will learn, she will get better. So, let her be filthy-- and if they still know her let them hunt her, say what they will, let them come after her, let them chase her to the far ends if they even know her name and she will welcome them with open arms. They will come, perhaps they will always come, and she will not beg them for they will see her as nothing more. Come what may, she will persist-- but she will do so differently this time. She will redefine and take what she can hold and she will bring what she can to ruin so that she may build upon it anew.

As for others who have wronged her? Really depends on the nature of what was done and how. In many ways she is a much more vengeful presence in this version, but she isn't so gone as to be blinded totally in the way she once was, not like she was at the height of the Witch Knight era. That does not mean it's entirely gone from her, though. I'll break it down like this ―

What remains a sort of constant for her is that Helena has always had the ability to at least listen and consider the words of her enemy, even if it should end as it always does, in violence and 'death'. Maybe she'll even collect them once the act is said and done and take them all the same, but if they do take their chances to reach out, to speak to her then she will offer the grace of audience in return. If anything at all. For figures of her past? Some she will never forgive, and certain others she realizes -more than ever- that they are a product of circumstances, even if she can't always find it in herself to fully forgive let alone forget them. It may not even fully stop her from hunting some of them down in turn.

The shape of the world and the nature of it has made monsters of even once well-intentioned people. Some of these people are very much a product of this cycle of struggle and violence that ultimately had nowhere else to turn to, or they were so blinded by their own intents that they failed to see beyond it. She -in this way- isn't all that different at least in that regard to a certain extent. Although if one were to ask, she will tell you it was much more of a choice for her in the end.

For others that present a current threat that long to wrong her, harm her or harm those in her stead? It really is simple... She will remove them, it will be a death sentence, a hunt. Forgiveness is seldom.

#Confession || answer tag; #In which I ramble #time and act can make a difference-- but circumstances... #I do find these kinds of questions tricky because alot of it can be circumstantial and vary and what vs. what at different points and all #Part of this liberation stems from post death and return #Initially she did have a hard time settling into her strange state and even had a loose grasp of who she was #Let alone had no idea where to begin again #Alot of this she had to come around to on her own and with it; a further established sense of realization; release #and the sense of freedom that comes from that #You know on top of the fact that; she was dirty before she was ever dirty #take of that what you will #It is still interesting to me how this version of Helena is still somehow more 'free' and one of the happier versions of her #Which is something cause this role and what she is uh.. weighty #Some she will absolutely hunt down and GET and is much more inclined to this verse #locked and loaded-- drag'em by the antlers with her own #Part of it can even be strategic-- two birds one stone. #in some ways she has learned-- in others... well.. habits are hard to break #Anyway sorry if I'm a little all over the place and for the short wait #Passed out again last night and I am just now getting back to these #Thank you for sending one in! #The balance is a little more off kilter and on one hand she weighs these things has shifted #I am all over with this.. probably the sleep brain...

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[ta-bajna-cerna-okybaca]

(whispers in your ear in a fellow ADHD-haver manner) Learn to sew, learn to sew, it's such a good life skill, you'll be able to fix tears and make adorable fandom plushies and turn your textile dreams to reality, do iiiiiiiit, join us~!!!

NO NOT THE ENCOURAGEMENT ANYTHING BUT THE ENCOURAGEMENT

#Such enabling! Such betrayal! and from a fellow adhd haver too! how could you????? /j #For real though right now is somehow both the best and the worst possible time for a new interest #Best bcs I'm currently in between hyperfixations and i can feel the little hooks of fixation in my brain just waiting to dig into something #And worst because I'm not at home for the next few days and can't do anything even if I wanted to #And by the time I return the moment will have probably passed #So we'll see ig #tho the idea of making fandom and other plushies in general is very alluring ngl #Bcs I've wanted a grimmchild plushie for a while now and the only seller I know of is in Canada I think. The shipping prices would be insan #But... If I learn how to do it myself... Hmm... 🤔 #Or those butterflies/moths you shared those are so so cute #So‚ maybe‚ the interest will actually somehow manage to last long enough for me to do anything about it. who knows! We'll see!

[hella1975]

what does it mean to average 2:1 or 2:2? I don’t think we do that in America

okay so the uni grading system here is done based on percentages. the pass mark is 40%, which americans ALWAYS hit me with 'only 40???? easy!!!' so id like to clarify the content/exams are very difficult and the marking is very mean and generally it's really frustrating when people respond this way, like why tf would we have such a low pass grade otherwise it's a dumb assumption to make but anyway. you do about 6 modules a semester (on average, some courses have more/less), and each module will give you a final grade, and then the average of all your modules from both semesters will give you your final year grade. they're all marked by the same system, which is:

grade of less than 40% = fail

grade of 40%-50% = third class honours (called a third)

grade of 50%-60% = lower second class honours (a 2:2, literally said aloud as 'i got a two-two in my exam')

grade of 60%-70% = upper second class honours (a 2:1, said as 'i got a two-one'). this is what im PRAYING for.

grade of 70%+ = first class honours (just called a first). this is the highest you can get, so even if you get 90% you'll have the same grade as someone who got 72%. this is also what i mean by the exam system being really tough here, bc most people are just grateful to get a first.

#so last year i got averages of just over 60 in a lot of my modules but also some that i BARELY scraped a pass #bc id resat them and when you resit an exam (bc you failed the first time. lol. lmao) then even if you get 100% on the resit #they will cap you at 40%. so naturally it shafts your average #but i STILL SOMEHOW MANAGED TO AVERAGE WITH A 2:1 LAST YEAR WHICH IS WHY IN THAT POST I MADE BACK THEN I WAS FREAKINGGG OUT #bc that's genuinely such a good grade like that's an UPPER SECOND CLASS HONOURS and i never considered i could do that #bc of how much this degree has pumelled me into the mud. so yeah now that i know it's actually potentially feasible #im really really hoping to keep it up and end with a 2:1 #bc traditionally (and im not saying this is a correct way to think. you're not gonna see me of all people yapping about good grades #have you SEEN the state of my academics) a first or a 2:1 are considered the best outcomes with a degree #while a 2:2 is shrug not bad not great and anything lower is considered 'embarrassing' #and i literally MADE PEACE with the fact id be getting a piss poor grade out of econ so to find out all my hard work and struggling #MIGHT ACTUALLY PAY OFF ON PAPER??? WHEN IT LITERALLY NEVER HAS BEFORE???? POPPING MY PUSSY #ask #hella goes to uni

[lurking-latinist]

⛵

#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art #that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute #unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain #and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all #because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality #(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates) #(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates. #OR RATHER #for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck' #I think that works best) #(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong] #sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly #(she's the part I want to draw) #she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have #but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be #and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says #feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that) #so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating #(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen) #diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon #idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message #don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it #stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry #jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times #(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy #not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail #but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow. #it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it #(and NOT in that order) #in the bathroom sink

[disdaidal]

So, I met my nurse today and she said I'm finally getting scheduled for the ADHD testing on Dec 18th—after all these years. Albeit she said that it may not change a thing, but it's good to test it anyway.

I also had a discussion with my teacher today about my problems and we went through some stuff, and I might feel a little bit more enlightened about some things, which will hopefully help me.

Still. I'm having trouble with planning some stuff at my workplace because the staff there simply doesn't have time, and my instructor is also a very busy person (plus she's fussy and impatient and a little upset/disappointed with me which is not making it any easier for me), so that is still giving me a lot of stress right now.

So, I don't know. On the other hand, one teacher says I'm doing a good job and that I shouldn't quit. Then again, this particular school and their style of teaching simply might not be the thing for me and I expressed that concern today as well. I need help getting through with some stuff and nobody has time for me, so it's obviously not good.

I also need to find another place to train soon and that workplace would have to be something where I wouldn't have to manage 15 things at the same time and well. Finding that could be a challenge, too.

But. I suppose we're going somewhere.

#personal #last week i cried twice after a workday #and my nurse also mentioned today that i still have a learning disability which will definitely make things harder for me #but also that there's nothing that can be done about it so... great #so i mentioned this to my teacher and she wrote it down but #basically there are only two choices for me now #either i pass this training somehow and plan my displays at my current workplace so well that i never have to do this again #or i will only complete my training for this period and then find another workplace and do my displays there #i can't postpone them much later apparently or so i understood. so they are not giving a lot of choices there really #and we did talk about me considering another school as well #where i can spend more time in the classroom actually learning things and less time working and trying to study at the same time #because this clearly isn't working for me. i can't do two things at the same time. not well at least. and i want to do well #but i tried applying for that kind of school in this field last summer. i didn't get in & i was 8th in line #i would've gotten in working with kids instead. but that school was further away and i probably would've found it even more stressful #than what i'm doing now #so i don't know. this is so fucking stressful for me honestly #like i like what i'm doing but i also really hate what i'm doing because this also requires stuff from me that i am simply not good at #and i'd have to put extra energy into it but i don't have much energy in me right now tbh #ugh

[ravidrws]

screenshot redraw!!:

#genshin impact #fanart #genshin fanart #Klee #klee fanart #Shes sososo cute #ravidraws #I redrew this over a screenshot bc summer sucked all the motivation out of me #This was really fun tho #now it's time for my usual diary entries sorry about that lol #back when school was taking all of my time I hoped I could finally work on some projects in the summer #Now I have time but no motivation #Well I technically have no time either bc I have only a week left to choose something to study and a uni to do it #And to somehow pass an entrance exam I haven't prepared for #and all I'm doing is trying not to think about it #I've been hiding behind thai dramas Omori's let's plays and Momo's fancams on yt while everything around me is on fire for over a week now