#for every horrible experience theres a wonderful one waiting for you

[mouthsfullofsharpteeth]

alex and tim hatefuck a lot but during one of the times they are getting rough with each other one of them actually gets hurt.

ohhhh my gosh. its late season three, tim is sooo exhausted. constantly having to join jay on all these stupid outings into the woods because hes worried jay will just die if tim doesnt go, meanwhile he knows alex has killed people, has done horrible horrible things. but.

(read more bc it got very long)

but.

they have kinda been having sex for a little while...

tim is pretty sure its an unspoken agreement too. no cameras. no tapes. no telling anyone. and they can be as rough as they want, because who even fucking cares anymore? the first time was in the woods, on the leaves and dirt in the middle of the night. then alex figured out which hotel tim was at, and they did it there. third time, alexs car. and then this time was back to basics, just tim roughing alex up at the doorway of his hotel room, making Sure that the camera was shut off and in the closet, joining tim's. they both bring the cameras every time. probably just habit to carry it around. and at first, they start right up against the door.... then the floor... then the bed and then back to the floor. theres a lot happening. but this is normal for them. its scratching and biting and hissing curses in between messy kisses. and it seems literally like any other time theyve done their little routine, up until the end.

tim is starting to get his shower ready while alex puts his clothes back on and promptly fucks off like usual, except this time he doesnt fuck off, hes kinda just sitting at the little desk in his underwear, squinting down at the shirt he shown up in. tim gives him a very unsubtle side eye. he doesnt want this prick here any longer than necessary. so he snaps something like, what is it. whats taking so long. and alex looks up at him, chest littered in bites bruises, and he mutters that its nothing, but its clearly not nothing, so tim has to sigh and walk over and see what his problem is. and when he gets closer, he notices that alex is looking kinda pale. the bruises showing up more starkly reddish purple against sort of greened, sickly skin. whats with you, he asks again. alex doesnt answer, until tim lightly swats the side of his head and asks again. alex grumbles that he just feels a little....dizzy. at first time is like, oh wow i fucked you so good that youre straight up like sick now? is that it? and alex is all NO >:-( but then it starts becoming clear he really does not feel well, and tim is kind of frustrated because he does still want to shower, and jay is probably going to want to go out looking around the hospital again tomorrow, but tim is a nice guy. he prides himself on still being kind despite the situation hes in. and he does have a little experience with sickly guys who feel like crap and dont know why, so he runs down the usual questions that he asks jay. when did you last sleep? i dont know, yesterday or the day before. have you eaten today? no- wait yes. well what was it? like a protein bar or something i dont know why does it matter??? then, does anything hurt? i dont know, my head i guess. mainly the back of it. and tim thinks back to earlier, and how he had, albeit a bit forcefully, slammed alex into the wall in order to bite the shit out of his neck. and he wonders... hm. could alex...... have hit his head? well, its likely.

so begrudgingly, tim drags alex to the shitty hotel bed, makes him drink a room temperature bottled water, and after wards alex has his head to his knees, empty stomach and pounding head not agreeing with all the water he'd just downed. and as tim rifles through the food he has on him, he wonders, not really for the first time, why they only have ever met at the places tim's staying before. of course, there was alex's car, but that's not really a place to STAY. he tosses some snack stuff to alex, sits on the bed, and asks him, hey, where are you staying these days anyway? alex snatches the food, tearing open one of the packages, and scowls at him. why do you care???? he looks starving. tim gets a scowl on his face too. well, doesnt It fucking like you or whatever? you seem to be its favorite after all, so i dont think it would really let you just sleep on the side of the road. alex sneers, clearly unamused, and keeps eating through a bag of pretzels. of course i have a place to stay, he snaps, and then doesnt elaborate. they sit in silence with that for a little while, tim more uncomfortably than alex. then he stands up and looks for his clothes and says hes gonna go to the ice machine. when he comes back, maybe he had also bought a few more snacks from the vending machine in the lobby. and maybe its a little gentle when he situates a makeshift icepack under alex's head. they dont do any of this after care shit usually, but tim wonders if maybe. well. maybe if theyre gonna keep doing this, then perhaps they should.

#OHHH THIS GOT OUT OF HAND #sorry anon i think u inspired me a little #i liked this prompt a lot #asks #timlex

[kindestegg]

what's yr fav hidden gem horror game thats been wiped off the net

the fishermen and the worm :( i first heard it got gone when i randomly got a dm on reddit of all places bc once upon a time i commented on a post recommending it as a creepy game that doesnt look like horror at first, n the person basically went 'yeah hey do u still have the files for this bc turns out its gone from the net' n im like AGH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bc i lost those in between moving computers many times

iirc the only surviving proof of it existing is an incomplete lets play series on youtube n also some screenshots i took revisiting the ending location to show my bf a long time ago.

it was a very neat little game n it makes me sad the creator wanted it gone but i guess i sort of can understand it bc sometimes as an artist ur gonna get embarrassed of ur old art n want to move on from it n see it gone off the net, i know ive done that with like, p much all my old devart profiles (i have none atm)

you might be wondering what it was about... to give a summary, its about these two little guys who are dubiously in love or maybe just besties who live in like this cartoony paradise in a hole n call themselves fishermen but then theyre like. hey why do we call ourselves that if weve never fished. so they go to their elder and are like HEY WHERE THE FUCK IS ALL THE WATER n hes like FUCK YOU THERES NO WATER HERE ITS ON THE SURFACE YOU STUPID FUCK. so they go to the surface n they meet this worm bug lady whos rly nice n sort of a mother figure to them, shes like rly old, shes been told by her moms (<3) to wait for these two guys for thousands of years in that very same spot. theyre like can u show us water n shes like yeah n points to a speck on the horizon n theyre like wtf we meant to fish in n shes like ohhh okay. yeah we gotta go to a different place for that.

AND THEN. THE REAL GAME BEGINS. you see bc every place in this world is called an 'age', n the more you traverse it, the weirder n often times creepier it gets n the more u get the feeling this is kind of telling the story of someones life? but you cant figure out who. not yet at least. without spoiling too much though, i rly like all the diff visual n style changes for every age, the next age you encoutner right after you move away from the worms spot is genuinely really fucking creepy n with this genuinely NASTY looking grit to it n it only gets more fucked up the more u play through it. thats around the point where i realized OH. oh ive been tricked. this ISNT a silly goofy haha rpgmaker game thats short n sweet! THIS IS A SCARY GAME!

but as ive said every age has a diff look to it, one other is psychedelic, another almost looks like a dr seuss book... so on. eventually, everything starts coming together, n what i rly like about this game is that it doesnt just give u dead ends, it expects you to be smart to figure it out, yes, but it also gives you PLENTY of evidence to figure it out n flat out tells you some stuff n by the end youre probably gonna just naturally know what happened.

i will also say looking back on it i rly appreciate the underlying theme of being gay n growing up gay n how the world aorund you affects you, theres like, SOME REALLY DARK fucking themes when you really get down to it and actually study the full on implications of what its trying to tell you. it rly gets dark with like, how bad homophobia can get n how heartbreaking n desolate sometimes the experience of being a gay kid can be when u have no one who you think you can trust n then growing up into a gay adult whos just getting more confused n worried about the future n sometimes even getting taken advantage of.

but despite all the horror n darkness... its a game that knows when to give you plenty of breathers, the three main characters are so charming they just shine naturally, they combat all the darkness by just being themselves. theyre not the ones who lived through all this horrible crap, theyre just bright little cartoon guys who want to go fish! n by god(s, in this games case) theyre gonna do it!!! n in the end... they may just decide to make things better for everyone else. the game has a good ending. its good guys. the game is good.

#Commander's answers #if left alone i could ramble about this game for us. it is truly something special #im unsure if there will ever be anything quite like. i think only undertale has maybe made me feel this way

[witchcraft-in-wonderland]

Aristocats Au (Pt.2)

-------------------------

Patton awoke to the sound of singing, he ran his tail along the kittens bodies before slinking out of the basket.

Patton had never had the best hearing for a cat, but lucky for him, he could see the cat who was sounding off the noise.

He was large, with matted brown fur, there was a burn scar across one section of his face, his eyes were an odd honey yellow color. Patton smiled as the tom's eyes locked with his own, following his gaze to a nearby tree, laughing as cherry petals fell upon his fur.

"Abraham Delacy, Giuseppe Casey, Janus O'Malley, Janus, the alley cat, and I'm very proud of that," Janus said finally as he hopped down from the tree.

"Well monsieur, your name seems to cover all of your ups," Patton said with a laugh.

"And might I request yours?" Janus said, raising his head slightly with a smile.

"Patton," the smaller cat responded.

"Patton, beautiful. . ." Janus' eyes fell on his own.

"And your eyes- the shine like sapphires, radiant, and light," Janus said, circling Patton a few times and brushing his tail along his fur.

"You're quite the flirt, arent you Janus?" Patton responded.

"Well it's not every day a damsel like you shows up in my neck of the woods now is it?" Janus purred.

"Well I wouldnt know, I'm not from here," Patton said, now remembering their situation.

"Oh?" Janus' tone quickly switched to one of worry.

"Sanders Manor, I havent got a clue how far from it we are, though," Patton responded, tail swishing anxiously.

"Oh! You mean that big building in the fancy section of town!" Janus exclaimed, his ears perking back up again.

"That'd be the one," Patton said with another laugh.

"Oh I can get you there, we can fly over a paris on a magic carpet, just we two," Janus said, smiling at Patton.

And suddenly, Roman was sitting next to Patton.

"Three?"

Then Remus.

"Four?"

Then Logan.

"Five?,"

And then Virgil fell out of the basic with a thud.

"Six," Janus said, mildly astonished.

"I suppose you only had in mind a magic carpet, built for two?" Patton said sadly.

"I wouldnt take up much room," Roman said, looking between the two older cats.

"No no darlings, its alright, let's not bother Monsieur Janus, theres far to many of us to worry about," Patton said, ushering the kittens away with a flick of his tail.

Janus sat there for a few minutes, looking sullen. Until finally he decided to chase down the retreating cats.

"You know what? I promised a magic carpet, so magic carpet you'll get," Janus said as he reached them. He stopped short of a nearby road, trotting over and marking something in the dirt with his claws.

"And its gonna stop right here," Janus said as he moved away from the spot.

A few minutes later a car came rumbling up the road, Janus leapt out in front of it, jumping up onto the window and causing it to veer of course, allowing the other five cats to hop into the bed while the driver was distracted.

"Monsieur Janus! You could have lost your life!" Patton scolded.

"All in a days work for an alley cat," Janus replied. Patton held the kittens close as the truck started up again, watching as Janus began to shrink, still saying his goodbyes.

"Goodbye Monsieur Ja-" Roman's sentence was cut short as the ginger and white tabby was booted out of the truck bed. Quicker than Patton couldve hoped for, Janus had rushed over, picking the kitten up and placing him gently back in the truck, climbing up himself shortly after.

"Oh Roman you scared me half to death!" Patton said, circling the kitten with a worried gaze, checking for injuries.

"I didnt mean to do it," Roman said.

"Thank you again Monsieur Janus- we must seem like awful trouble for you hm?" Patton said.

"Oh come on Pattie I've seen worse, believe me," Janus said, checking over the other three kittens.

"Papa I'm hungry," Remus said with a groan, stretching the front of his body slightly.

"Oh really? Well I think I have a solution," Janus responded, slinking back to the front of the truck bed.

"All you have to do is close your eyes," the kittens followed the instruction.

"Wiggle your nose," they followed again.

"Rub your stomachs," and as the kittens finished the last step, Janus pulled a milk jug out from under a cloth. He and Patton sat together to keep watch on the kittens, so none fell in.

But of course, he'd failed to account for the rearview mirrors. The truck came to a screeching halt as the driver raced to the back and chased the cats back into the wilderness.

"My! What a horrible human!" Patton said as they reached an abandoned building, pressing his nose to each of his kitten's foreheads to calm them down.

"Well some humans are like that," Janus replied.

"Alright, theres train tracks up ahead, we'll follow those," Janus said, ushering the kittens into a line, with Patton following close behind.

"Virgil's the caboose!" Remus said from the front, letting out a laugh at the offended look on Virgil's face.

For a while the only sounds were the fake train being generated by both Remus and Logan, but soon they became all to realistic.

"Under the bridge! Quick!" The cats leapt onto a wooden plank under the tracks, holding the kittens closely.

Soon enough, the train had passed, only to replaced by a different sound.

"Papa papa!" Virgil had fallen into the river. Janus leapt down from the wood and into the river, while Patton ushered the other kittens to safety.

"Hold on Virgil!" He called, swimming as fast as he could. Virgil latched himself onto a nearby log, Janus pushing it towards the shore, before sinking under the water.

Patton waited anxiously at the bank before he saw Janus, leaning on the backs of two geese, being carried to the shore.

Janus let out a grumble and shook himself off when he reached the shore.

"Oh Monsieur Janus are you alright?" Patton said, rushing over to check on him.

"He stayed upright quite easily," said the goose with the pink bow around her neck.

"Sunk like a log at the end there though didnt he?" The black bowed goose said with a HoNk of laughter.

"Thank you for rescuing him for us," Patton said, laughing, earning a disappointed glare from Janus' direction.

"Well of course! It was the least we could do," said the pink-bow goose.

"Oh- we havent even exchanged names yet have we?" She continued.

"My name is Aphrodite Sable, and this is my sister, Adrestia Sable," Aphrodite said.

"We're twins! You might say we're related," Adrestia carried on. Patton laughed, Janus merely made a confused face as he left to check on the kittens.

"Your husband doesnt seem to have a sense of humor does he?" Adrestia said.

"Oh he's not my husband-" Patton said, the geese's facial expressions seemed to change, they leaned closer to each other and began whispering.

"Hes taking us back home! Court Avenue," Patton replied quickly.

"Oh how wonderful! We're heading that way as well, to meet our Aunt Melpomene," Aphrodite said.

"Do you think you could escort us?" Patton asked.

"Of course," the geese replied.

The octet continued on in a v-formation, Logan spouting facts about bird migrations as they went. Virgil had fallen asleep, and so Janus had decided to carry him on his back. Things picked up after their meeting with the geese's aunt, which had put Janus in a much better mood.

"Well, it's getting late, we should probably find a place to stay," Janus said, and they continued down an alley, Patton and Janus talking more and more, and Patton feeling much more distressed at the prospect of having to leave him once they got home.

----------------------------------------------

Tag list:

@just-a-gay-fae

@3-has-charm

@littlestr

@idkanameatall

@thefivecalls

@willowaudreykeyes

@pricklyfish777

@the-sad-strawberry

@extercs-experiences

@theonetruebeepboop

@mycatshuman

@teamplutoforlife

@melodiread

@meowthefluffy

@frawkeye

@cemmy

@nerosdayinhell

@thecolorfulolive

@frog-candy-bee

#cori writes #aristocats au #long post #ts patton #ts remus #ts janus #ts virgil #ts roman #ts logan #tw drowning #tw trains #tw cars #tw cats #moceit #romantic moceit

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Duchy Conversation 4

[27/03, 4:29 AM GMT - 27/03, 6:13 AM GMT]

[The following transcript details the conversation is between one of the Crown ARG Discord members and Duke on Twitter]

Donti: “Hi! How was your day?

Its me again :)c

((If its late or youre sleeping dw about responding :p))”

Duke: “Forgive my tardiness, my embroidery was enchanting me so that my ears laid unaware!

How do you do, Donti? It is the Duke speaking. I must say, my sister has quite the opinion of you!”

Donti: “Oh its great to talk to you again Duke :D I hope I left a good impression! Is your embroidery going well?”

Duke: “It is going quite splendid! The Crown truly does spoil us, giving my sister and I such rich-coloured thread. Truly we are fortunate for his generosity and love.”

Donti: “Ohh! Good colors always make embroidery fun! What are you making?”

Duke: “I must ask though - as a sheep yourself why must you graze on such nimble hearts? Wolves are not supposed to concern themselves with the opinions and thoughts of prey such as yourselves but Prince is but a pup, why must you all be so cruel? I am quite interested in the answer, you see, because it is I who saw the tear tracks down faers face and I who heard the drums of despair in this household.”

Donti: “Oh..

Are you talking about blunt anon?

All of us are very angry at them, whoever they are.

I promise they do not reflect us as a whole.”

Duke: “To answer your previous question however, I am making a rose for Baroness. I do feel horribly for how I was unable to aid her with her spoiled dress so I do hope this gift soothes her and shows that there is no ill will from I to her.”

Donti: “Thats nice! Baroness loves flowers and nature! Thats super thoughtful of you. Im sure she'll love it :D

But back to Prince... Are fae ok? we're worried about faem.”

Duke: “"Blunt anon" is quite a peculiar name I must say. Indeed that is the scoundrel I speak of. It is wonderful to hear that you all are not that way - frankly, if I suspected you were the one to make Prince cry I would have simply neglected to respond, as is customary when one deals with enemies of one's family. Prince is currently recuperating, poor thing. A bleeding heart only leads to death and yet fae still has not learned that yet. I do wish you to send out a warning if you would be so kind - do let anyone know that if they ever treat Duchess in such a matter they will swiftly come to regret it. A gentleman does not revel in violence but she is my most dearest sister.

I thank you for your kind words however, I do indeed hope she enjoys my gift so - do not tell the others but she may be the only one in this family I can truly connect to on an intellectual setting, besides my sister of course.”

Donti: “Ill tell people not to be rude to Duchess. Not that they would.. Im pretty sure they like her :D”

Donti: “"Blunt anon" came when people would send... Rude asks to people. It was originally just blunt questions. But it escalated to... What happened to Prince :( We're trying to find them, but theres only so much we can do

Oh wait! have other people reached out to you all yet?”

Donti: ���I know some of my good friends have talked to duchess.. But not to you yet!”

Duke: “Ah, indeed people have reached out and only Duchess was there to greet them. It pains me of course but I found myself with activities to do throughout the day. Schooling is still important to Duchess and I so that took up quite a bit of time - do not tell Crown but I was indeed spending time taking in the beauty of ballet instead of working purely on my Latin. Tea time too is an important affair, especially for I, and then it is always important to spend time with ones sister! So alas, you have been the only one I have graced with my thoughts and feelings out of your crowd of sheep.”

Donti: “Hm. I like the name sheep... Its a little kinder than "plebs"

You seems to like a lot of.. Elegant things! (I hope thats the right word) like embroidery and ballet! Where did you learn such refined taste :oc”

Duke: “Where did I learn such refined tastes? They have always been apart of me, you must understand. The Crown helped unlock those parts that I kept buried deep away and help nurture them. Oh such a brute I used to be! No care for the finer things in life, only one-upping my beloved sister. To think I used to slide in the dirt just for a measly point - bah! Truly I am in much debt to the Crown, for without him I still may have been a unruly fool.”

Donti: “... You played sports before you met Crown?”

Duke: “My sister and I both did, yes. It does not do well to dwell on such miserable times, Donti. This is why little one you are still a lamb.”

Donti: “Oh! If you don't want to talk about it, you dont have to! ^u^ Friends dont force their friends to talk about uncomfortable things!

Hm... But if the plebs are sheep... And I am a lamb... Who is the shepard...?”

Duke: “How sweet! Tell me, little lamb, who do you think the shepherd is? Or if there is one at all?

If you are a little lamb then I must ask, is there a Mary to be found alongside you as well?”

Donti: “Hm.... I think from our perspective the shepherd, (or shepherds in this case) would be our lovely mods :D

But from your point of view? Its most definitely Crown!

Andd.. Im assuming a Mary is a leader... Little lambs follow Mary after all... Hm. A lot of us have shown leadership at some point in time or another! It really depends on the scenario!”

Duke: “Intriguing.

It depends on the scenario you say?”

Donti: “Yep! People take charge depending on whats happening, and sometimes theres no leadership, just us discussing and working through it!

Why do you ask?”

Duke: “When the flocks have gone and left and all there is is the gentle bobbing of the water, who do you trust to save you from drowning? While you thrash and scream and feel yourself weaken who do you look towards for guidance? When the taste of salt kisses the interior of your esophagus whose name is on the tip of your dying tongue?

For I, it is the Crown, as he saved my sister and I from exactly that fate - but who is it for you?”

Donti: “Hm.. As a "flock" we all support one another.. That way, we can have multiple points of support! One person supporting that many people would be very stressful for that one person, you know”

Duke: “Of course.

Even then in a home all parts play along and join in the symphony but even with that, some are still load-bearing.

Who would be your load-bearing walls? All I ask is for some simple names, you understand. My curiosity is much like a cat, you see. Only satisfaction may truly bring me back.”

Donti: “Hm.. Are you asking for the names of my friends?

Well. There's Jack and Raeva, whom Duchess has spoken with, I think. Llyr, Ren, and Luna are also friends of mine. But I try not to burden them.

They are not so much load bearing pillars, but more of frail walls to shield me from the cold.”

Duke: “The drifting breezes that bring forth frost and tremors truly are such tiresome times. That you have shields is wonderful and it does ease my heart, but I do feel as though I must impart some wisdom else I'd be an unfavourable acquaintance - do try and build yourself a roaring inferno, little sheep.

Have so much fire around yourself that the winds cannot glance your way and even the Grand Archer Yi looks on with fear.”

Donti: “... And what if the fire burns me?

What then?”

Duke: “Do you think yourself unable to control the flames?”

Donti: “...Yes. Flames are temperamental, after all. When the inferno's dried up every last bit of water and eaten all of the wood, what will it turn to?”

Duke: “You want the answer to be yourself, I can see you reaching for it with an outstretched palm. Here is the truth: you can quell flames easily with just a few words. You can breathe in the ash and let the smoke dissipate. You do not have to be burned.

Ah, but these are just fun matters to think about. Do not dwell on my words too much. I would hate for you to overthink just simple pondering.”

Donti: “...Ill take your words to heart, friend. Even if it's just banter.

How do you know this?”

Duke: “Do not cause yourself concern with such a thing. In case I have caused you to distress then please do take this video as repentance. Isn't it so lovely how she spins?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qqejv_BQ7Zg”

Donti: “Oh! that is a pretty video.. I wonder how long it took for her to make it so effortless..?

Do you dance?”

Duke: “Such an exquisite form of art. The mastery she has put forth would bring others to shame and ruin. A true professional since birth. I myself do not dance in this way - my sister and I are well versed in the waltz and ballroom dance as is customary for our statuses - but ballet alludes me. Alas, if only that was the direction I chose for my life to go but no matter - I have embroidery, poetry and oil painting to keep me truly green from envy.”

Donti: “Those are very enviable hobbies! I imagine you're skilled at them too! As for ballet... Ive heard that in order to dance that way, one has to go through great pain. I'd hate for you to experience that”

Duke: “A bit of suffering is always worth the pain if beauty and joy can be received in the end, do you not think?”

Donti: “As long as youre happy, I suppose!

I’m sorry to cut this short, but its getting late for me! And probably for you too ^^

I hope you rest well!”

Duke: “I hope you have humble dreams and a quiet rest. Goodnight, little lamb.”

#on:twitter #by:duchy #by:duke #if the crown fits

[mousehole5000]

tgcf again chapters 174-191. im now midway through book 4. pain and suffering. and yet also.... this is really good.... but also.... pain...

okay cave of ten thousand gods everythings coming out into the light.... xie lian pretending not to hear fengqing drop their act im emotional..... fengqing silently working together to separate xie lian and hua cheng im emotional..... every word that comes out of mu qing’s mouth im emotional....

honestly reading the xianle trio discussing hua cheng.. its very hard for me NOT to project all the times ive been in a friendship trio and someone got a boyfriend the other two didnt like (which was every time. theres never been a bf everyone liked. sometimes i was the one who had the bf. there were no winners then and tbh i predict there will be no real winners here as far as this friendship goes but such is life)

mu qing is so smart he’s clever he’s tricksy i love it i love him ugh

“A pair of arms had circled around him from behind, and hugged him with force all of a sudden. Xie Lian had buried his face in his back, and also didn’t speak. Though nothing was said, it was enough.” okay i cant get into every different way im feeling about whats going down bc it would get Too Personal but this..... im emo. also xie lian saying “something like this has to be said clearly“ and then proceeding to not say a word just going in for a hug is a mood

“He heard Hua Cheng’s staggering voice coming from above. “...Your Highness. You really…will be the death of me.” - ok well DONT SAY THAT!! now im worried!!!

“Hua Cheng, however, only snorted, appearing as if his eyes could see through the thick rocky walls. He said darkly, “Don’t worry. If he kills one, I’ll make ten more. Fast and furious like the storms, I will never back down. Let’s see who’s the one left standing in the end.” Xie Lian’s heart skipped a beat for some reason, and he mumbled inwardly, “... Oh no, this is bad.” Even though Hua Cheng’s expression was subconsciously displayed, Xie Lian really was quite weak to this aggressive and rebellious confidence of his.” - fjadskfajsl its okay xie lian honey you never know whats going to do it for you

okay so are the murals and statues are only from the xianle era? im hoping hua cheng didnt secretly follow xie lian during his time as a mortal during the entire 800 years and then pretend to a total stranger that would be too much imo lets see. i still really do get why feng xin and mu qing are like “...dude wtf lets get out of here stay away from that guy” (also tbh probably if theyd all managed to stay close... this probably wouldnt be happening which isnt a judgement im just saying bc thats definitely how ive felt about friendships) although this whole thing IS indeed tinged with homophobia which i still dont think makes sense in this setting but whatever i guess.

BOOK 4!!!! im scared

“A few days ago he nearly fainted, and it was only after that did he realize it was because he hadn’t had anything to eat for several days.” - unfortunately relatable but :(

“Ever since Xie Lian was young, he had never had to consider these kinds of affairs, and this was truly the first time in decades that this problem gripped him. However, if gods didn’t even know what starvation felt like, how could they possibly understand the feelings of a starving worshipper? How could they possibly empathize? At this point, he could only take this experience as a form of training.” - TRUE THO!!!!!!!! i like seeing this even tho the circumstances are sad

wait does xie lian get his bad cooking skills from him mom? im gonna cry...

“After returning to the city, Mu Qing’s stomach was still turning. He said as he stumbled, “I thought…that porridge, it smelled like bran water, but I hadn’t thought it’d taste like it too!” Feng Xin gritted his teeth. “Shut up! Don’t force people to remember that pot of stuff! The queen is…body of ten thousand gold after all…never cooked…this is already…UGH!…” Mu Qing humphed. “Did I say something wrong? If you didn’t think it was like bran water, why don’t you…go ask the queen to grant you another bowl! UGH!…” The two were heaving back and forth, and Xie Lian grabbed hold of the both of them, patting their backs.” - xianle trio.... including simply because it made me do the pleading emoji in real life..... also the way the queen wanted to feed all of them... weeping

i didnt realize that mu qing would still be around during this time.... god the fact that i know theyre all going to split......

“It’s precisely because it’s a time like this that money has to be brought up!” Mu Qing countered. “A time like this? What time is it? Time when we’re starving! It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to admit it, but nothing can be done without money! Can you both not just suck it up a little bit?” - mu qing i love you. god.... for real the fact that he comes from a completely different background than the other two is so important to his character and i think it shows so much in the way he continues to be in the present. he gives me the vibe of someone who is smart and hardworking but is bitter about it and tbh!!!! i get why he is!!! he’s very aware of these kinds of concerns bc he’s had to be, while the other two kind of think theyre above it and its a big difference between them. he’s still separated by the circumstances of his birth despite how much harder he’s worked to get to where he is.... ugh painful and delicious

i really am enjoying the xianle story tbh. xie lian going from his highness, favored by heaven, well-intentioned but lacking in experience and understanding to living in poverty and fighting with mortals who disrespect him. fucking delicious i mean this sincerely and respectfully im sad but i really like his character arc. and then to how he is in the present....

“Mu Qing looked at him, speaking not a word. Then he bowed deeply and really turned around to walk away.” - OH NO ITS HAPPENING AHHHHH ;_; honestly all of this hurts but it feels real like i think mu qing has every right to want to leave honestly and he DOES have other family and other ambitions outside of the trio... and i get why feng xin is mad about him wanting to leave when theyre suffering!! and i get why xie lian lets him go.... friendships are hard man and the pain of them splitting is rough!!!!

“Mu Qing’s departure had really shocked him to the core. First, he had never thought that someone so close would just up and leave. Second, Xie Lian had always believed in “forever”. For example, friends would always be friends forever; no betrayal, no deception, no breaking up. Perhaps there’d be times when they’d part, but it for sure wouldn’t be over reasons like “life is too horrible” - pain. just pain. same as above i get it but it hurts

“Xie Lian didn’t know too well just how much money would be considered normal when buying over ten lanterns, and he never looked at the price tag when he purchased things in the past.” - i feel bad kicking him while he’s down and he’s still trying to be kind even when it costs him but this is the first thing that came into my mind

but also oh?? spirits of soldiers from the battlefield you say?? hmmm i wonder... who.... could possibly be among them....

“If you remain forcibly, you won’t be able to rest in peace,” Xie Lian said. The nameless ghost didn’t seem to care. “I pray to never rest in peace.” -  i cant lie this legit gave me goosebumps lol

“Xie Lian himself was alright in suffering through it, since there were far too many other things to worry about. But his mother, who had lived a comfortable, luxurious life, when had she ever done such crude labour? But if the queen didn’t do this work herself, who else could take over?” - hmmmm!!! housekeeping!!!! it matters!!!! rich people dont appreciate how much until they have to do it themselves!!! but this still makes me sad

oh god THATS when they pawned hongjing?? with the king sick and mu qing leaving?? :(((( even more emotional about its appearances in the present day

“That passerby chuckled. “You don’t know? This is too exciting! The servant is beating the master!” - oh god the dramatic and ironic timing of it all

god..... this is just... a sad time....

“MU QING ISN’T LIKE YOU ALL. HE’S MY FRIEND, HE WOULD NEVER HELP YOU!!!” [cut to] “Those were the only words echoing in Xie Lian’s mind, but he couldn’t utter a single sound, and could only crazily grab at anything at his disposal to throw. He didn’t care who he was hurling at, either. Finally, Mu Qing couldn’t take this anymore, and he steeled his face as he swept his sleeves and left. Xie Lian panted harshly for a bit and fell back down, spacing out again.”- IM SAD!!!!!! tbh i wonder if on some level xie lian kind of felt like mu qing owed him? i know he said to forget about that stuff to both of them but its one thinig to say it and think you mean it and another to have to deal with it

white no-face what is your DEAL!! also all the little fire ghost bits im...

“After having exchanged so many words, Feng Xin finally got the gist of what had transpired. He widened his eyes and pointed at Mu Qing, unable to speak. A moment later, he bent down and grabbed a sack and flung it over, roaring. “SCRAM! SCRAM SCRAM SCRAM!” Mu Qing was hit in the face by the sacks of rice he brought and backed two steps away. All three of them in the house were panting harshly.” - this is it this is the part where i closed my laptop and said “noOOooOOOoooo” out loud to my room im so upset... and mu qing still tried to leave the rice even after the broom thing im ;_;

“Feng Xin was completely convinced that he would never do such a thing, but that was precisely why this had become the worst-case scenario!” - pain, suffering, dismay, etc

“Feng Xin continued, “If Your Highness thinks your life might be in danger, I can finish this for you, I won’t tell Her Majesty, haha.” - bless your heart for trying feng xin

“But it shouldn’t be like this. The Feng Xin of the past would have absolute faith in him no matter what! Even if there was only twenty percent doubt, it was still unbearable!” - AHHHHHHH okay idk if i really have much to say about their relationship other than im sad but IM SAD!!!!

the differences between feng xin and mu qing’s relationship with xie lian are so interesting. feng xin has clearly always idolized xie lian a lot while mu qing hasnt at least not in the same way and he seems like he has some resentment towards xie lian (thats how i read it anyway thats what i said about it at the beginning of book 2 and i think its understandable and can be a very real part of friendships) that feng xin doesnt and i just think thats neat!!

“He was firmly tied down upon the altar, that broken base of the statue under his body. There were many people squeezed below the altar, and pair after pair of round, unblinking eyes were watching him.” - hmmm dont think i like where this is going

“Yet, before he could finish, he realized that the white silk that he used to cover his face had been undone. In this moment, the thing that had him completely tied down was that exact white silk.” oh my god wait is this ruoye?? is ruoye that same ribbon???? ill cry

“The hand stained with blood, the one that ended a life, was immune to the Face Disease.” - ohhh shit okay. okay okay. okay. shit okay. i See now.... so if youre an innocent civilian the only way to escape this fate (and the faces are actually the souls of other innocent civilians) is to get rid of your innocence... and doesnt this disease not actually hurt its just horrific? god.............

“White No-Face pitied, “You think they don’t want to do it? Wrong, it’s not that they don’t want to, it’s solely because no one wants to be the first, that’s all.” - shut up!!! youre the one who created this situation dont fucking preach about the way you think the world is

“He forced down the mouthful of blood and hissed, “What are you laughing at? You think that you got what you wanted? This was all forced by you!” The ghost fire within the ghost’s hand flickered even more fiercely.” - yes exactly!!! you put people in extreme circumstances sometimes they do extreme things!! youve proved nothing!! god i do love when characters say exactly what im thinking. plus the first ones who caved were trying to save their child

“He felt that, if he was to let them do what they wanted, there was something in his heart that would never return to its original state.” - :( also i kind of feel that in my life sometimes and i just hope xie lian’s heart ends up in a state he’s happy with

“He didn’t dare to look at what had become of the person lying on the altar, because what laid there didn’t look human anymore.” AHHHHHH!!! :(((( i mean i get why this event is what made hc... level up??? thats not a good way to describe it fjasldkfjaslk but you know what i mean... that line about being powerless to help your beloved OOOOOOF

okay well finished that chapter im. pain. hmmm. pain. i dont know if i actually have any words rn lol but im gonna stop here for now

#half of my commentary is just me going wow im sad!! this is sad!! pain!! wow sad!!! #anyway i love xianle trio with my whole heart they really do feel so real #mouse mumbles #tgcf liveblog #hc also feels real but in a way i might not ever talk about lol we'll see

[adviceforwlw]

+ quarantine talking bc lately ive been looking at people at my screen all day and not real but when i see a hot woman i notice she’s hot or with wlw couples - they are cute but i dont feel anything? and with all the things like that i never really felt anything /physically/ only emotionally, that i sometimes wonder how easier it would all be if i married a man (no matter if i actually like him or not) - a few weeks ago a thought popped into my head that im actually straight. help?

so heres a couple things to keep in mind:

1) quarantine is horrible and its hard on mental health and all this stagnancy is bound to lead to some self doubt and/or confusion. realize that this is far from ideal and asking you to function at the same capacity as the you in a non-pandemic reality is already asking too much. be kind and flexible to yourself, and know that its okay to not have answers! its more than ok to wait until this all blows over to pick this question back up, if you want.

2) attraction is different for everyone, in the sense that everyone experiences attraction differently, and everyone experiences different levels of attraction throughout their lives. its perfectly natural for you to not find anyone attractive or not want to pursue a romantic relationship right now; this doesnt necessarily mean that you stopped being a lesbian! theres a crazy amount of gorgeous people in the world! its unrealistic for you to be romantically attracted to every single one of them! 

3) sexuality can change, and thats ok too! maybe your attraction to women has faded. maybe it has not. whatever the case may be, theres nothing to mourn! theres no shame in you adapting into a more comfortable you!

4) rationalizing that, even though you don’t actively desire a relationship with a man, you could survive, or settle for one, is a very real sign of comp het. 

#covid 19 #quarantine #lesbian #questioning #comp het #hope u like this equally long response nonnie! #Anonymous #label anxiety

[squidshadow]

[[MORE]]

thats summ3r in the middle of makomart when shes giving herself a stress-induced pep talk about how bad the economy is but that doesnt mean love is fake and life is too short to waste it and yes shes too poor to buy this macaroni but that doesnt mean her HEART is too poor to LOVE WOMEN and shes kinda mumbling beneath her breath about it because she thinks shes alone but then theres a family of like a middle-aged woman and her three kids and summ3r apologizes loudly and her voice cracks and she shoves the macaroni in the basket she has and walks off as confidently as she can and then when she goes to pay the cashier is really cute and shes like shit i should have gone to the self-checkout line instead and when the cashier says something about joining the club membership thing summ3rs like "thanks, you too" and then it clicks and she just starts crying and the cashier is being paid minimum wage and she really doesnt deserve this and summ3r know this so she keeps mumbling apologies and she pays and pretends that she isnt crying and on the receipt that she looks over when shes in the car the macaroni was 500c when the only other thing she went in there for was 200c and god she doesnt have the money for this what the fuck was she thinking and she goes home and makes the macaroni and she cant even enjoy it because she 1. burnt it and 2. she only has 72c left in her bank account now and when she tries to go to sleep she thinks of every time she fucked up socially in public with stupid blunders like that so she just never falls asleep

and then summ3r goes into work the next day because thats all she really does and jarrett said she could take the day off if she wanted to and summ3r really wanted to but the taste of macaroni still clings to her mouth and it tastes like disappointment and the 72c left in her bank account so shes waiting for her shift to start and justins talking about something but she tuned him out a while ago and she was thinking that weed should come in cigarettes and thatd be a great idea and as she chews on her cigarette she remembers weed is illegal in the octarian-atramentonian union which sucks so she wonders if she can move to another country where she can get legally baked but 1. shes really poor and 2. weed highs arent even that great anyways, and then later that day when shes actually working shes really having a horrible time because she poured hot coffee on her hand and the customers keep yelling at her and she really doesnt get paid enough for this and then the fucking cashier from yesterday comes in and summ3r makes eye contact with her and she wants to cry and then the cashier comes up to the counter because thats what she does

and then her order is really complicated and long and bad like theres seven pumps of pumpkin spice in this and its tea but whatever summ3r doesnt have to drink it even though shes judging her immensely and then when summ3r asks for a name the cashier says lusīl and summ3r assumes its lucille so she writes that and lusīl pretty obviously has that disappointed look on her face of "my name was misspelled by a white girl inkling" and summ3r really wants to apologize but she cant and then when summ3r tells her to enjoy her drink lusīl says "you too" and she looks mortified and summ3r thinks its maybe much cuter than it should be and as lusīl sits down at a table to go drink her horrible pumpkin spice tea summ3r hears her swearing beneath her breath and anyways summ3r has a crush now and she doesnt like it because shes too poor to deal with one so when shes on break she cries when she smokes two cigarettes at once and she resolves to move to jellia where she can face hate crimes but also be stoned

so summ3r goes to makomart again after quietly asking her mom for money after a few weeks of radio silence which her mom does give her and summ3r should really call her mom more but most times shes just way too tired to do so that or her phones dead but regardless shes at makomart and she wants to self care a little as the chumblr kids do so she buys a box of macaroni and the noodles are shaped like fresh fish and summ3r knows they wont look like fresh fish when theyre cooked and the fun shape ones taste worse than the others but its okay because summ3r is quite frankly a little high right now (which is sarahs fault not hers) and shes not really thinking about things like "not being broke" and "the fact that shes singing the veggiefishtales theme song loudly in makomart" but anyways shes trying to go the self-checkout line but its way too long and the 8th checkout thing is so much shorter than that which summ3r thinks is fun and funky and cool and she really wants some fucking 'ronis right now and shes so excited for that and then lusīl is the cashier again and she says hi and summ3r immediately feels herself sober up in this weird way that cant be described beyond "what the fuck"

and so summ3r places her box of macaroni on the conveyor belt (which should have a better name, in her opinion) and lusīl laughs and says they really shouldnt be running into each other so often and summ3r laughs also and cries internally and apologizes externally and lusīl says she didnt mean it like that and shes sorry and then summ3r apologizes for misinterpreting it and then lusīl apologizes for not being clear enough and it goes back and forth a little bit and the line is really long now and summ3r still only bought 5 objects and it shouldnt have taken this long and summ3r leaves with a "bye! i like your face!" and lusīl blushes and calls "yeah, yours is nice too!" after her and summ3r decides that god is real and then goes home and wants a cigarette but she didnt buy any so now she just feels stupid and bad and gay

so summ3r works again because thats just what she does its like her whole life is just go to work, smoke 3 cigarettes at once, think about lusīl, get high, smoke a cigarette, lay face-down in the shower, smoke another cigarette, overcook some pasta, fall asleep, wake up, go to work, smoke 4 cigarettes at o

but lusīl comes in again and she gets the same drink and summ3r still doesnt know how to spell her name because she just doesnt so instead of lucille she spells it like loocille and lusīl laughs at it when she sees the cup and summ3r laughs also because lusīl is really cute and when she gives it to her summ3r tells her to "enjoy your drink, lucy" and summ3r is screaming internally and lusīl is blushing like a lot and so lusīl stammers back "YEAH YOU TOO" and she turns to walk out very rapid and walks face-first into the wall and now summ3r feels really bad because maybe lucy is a slur in octarian or something so she rushes over to help her and theres tea all over the ground and when she goes to wipe it up they both reach for the same napkin and their hands brush and then summ3r laughs and lusīl looks like she just had a life-changing experience and then they just kinda stay there for a bit and then summ3r realizes that theyre just standing there and theres tea all over the ground and they both apologize at the same time and summ3r gets filled with the scandalous desire to shove her tongue in lusīls mouth which is gross and lusīl is probably straight anyways

but once the tea is cleaned summ3r offers to make her another drink and lusīl chokes out "YEAH OKAY" and summ3r asks what shed like and lusīl orders 8 pumps of pumpkin spice with ketchup and summ3r quietly asks if shes sure and lusīl looks like shes pleading for death but she nods anyways so summ3r makes it nonetheless and lusīl looks really disappointed when she gets her drink but she thanks her anyways and when lusīl actually walks out of the building, the second the door closes summ3r hears her yell loudly in frustration

anyways later that day summ3r stops at a gas station to buy some cigarettes because she wants some and then she runs into lusīl there, not that she works there or something, she was kinda there, and so summ3r asks her if she liked her ketchumpkin spice latte which was a really bad joke but lusīl starts laughing uproarously once she realizes what summ3r said and yeah sex is cool but have you ever made a pretty girl laugh in a gas station and so riding off that high summ3r asks what shes doing here and lusīl quietly replies with "buying gas" which admittedly makes a lot of sense, maybe too much sense, and summ3r wonders if she could flush herself down the toilet

but then lusīl asks what summ3rs doing here and summ3r cant just say shes going to buy 3 packs of cigarettes becauses thats her coping mechanism of choice so she lies and says shes also getting gas and so lusīl offers to walk her to her car but summ3r walked here because its like right down the block from her apartment and now summ3r feels stupid so she says its okay and then offers to walk lusīl to her car and then it goes back and forth a lot and then they pause and kind of realize the stupidity of it all and start laughing again and lusīl mumbles "youre really cute" and summ3rs entire being short-circuits so she shifts into a squid and just lies there

and lusīl asks if shes okay and then summ3r doesnt know what to say so then lusīl shifts into octopus form and theyre just laying there, vibing, and then an employee finds them and quietly asks them to not do that and then they shift back and go seperate ways and summ3r doesnt buy anything and shes still having nicotine cravings and all she has is weed so she just smokes that and doesnt feel any better in the end

#long post #.txt #drug tw #smoking tw

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 3

"UPGRADES"

Notes by me

- jack getting pissed the tokra are so vague with their info and then immediately shutting up bc ooh pretty lady

- "you may call me Anise, it means noble strength"

"I'm Daniel , it means God Is My Judge"

"I'm Jack , it means.......whats in the box"

- Daniel so excited that shes an archeologist like calm down buddy

- this tokra so impatient like you just came thru 2 minutes ago asking for them to be experiments and expect them to say yes immediately? Arent tokra supposed to be like professionals

- tokra lady: wear my friendship bracelets or I'm leaving

- ah yes this episode contains the ONE time Jack knocked tealc out with a punch

- "tealc im really sorry"

"You are not"

- Shirtless Daniel shirtless Daniel shirtless Daniel

- Daniel super mad that Jack can read really fast and he cant

- Jack broke her stress ball :\

- LMFAO the first thing Daniel does is speed read a book when his powers arrive. He's read his entire library in an hour

- fraiser is right and pretty and we should listen to her bc shes right and pretty

- woa Daniel not needing his glasses!

- whoops! Forgot to tell you that the armbands fuse to your body! Looks like you have permanent friendship bracelets 😌

- Jack weight lifting 600 pounds when he could be weight lifting me smh

- sam wrote a whole book and you know what? Even tho I have no idea what she says most of the time i would like to read it

- jack: look how cool I am now *kicks a hole in hammonds office wall*

- HE JUST LIGHTLY TAPPED SILER AND HE FALLS OVER A GUARD RAIL I'm sorry that was so funny

- "steak" this is me when im hungry

- they blurred outa there like Clark Kent

- they are getting RECKLESS

- they all ordered a total of 16 steaks (and a diet coke)

- "Earth, steaks. Theres a difference?"

- akdnejsj when that guy calls Daniel a geek and he turns around like hes about to unleash a can of whoopass

- "let it go"

"Not this time"

Ok ouch

- Daniel talking to Jack using his eyebrows: should we kick their asses

Jack: "okay"

- BAR FIGHT!

- camera view from outside and you just hear yelling and blows landing

- your honor they are dumb and I love them

- fraiser: they are all high as fuck

- alright its time to cut off some arms whos first

- jack: it was all sams fault shes a steak enthusiast

- tokra lady LIED what a bitch

- time for tealcs seasonal suicide mission I guess

- every episodes problem can be fixed by blowing shit up and I wouldnt have it any other way

- "we'll need snacks"

- sg1 said fuck your rules!!!

- reckless bastards the lot of them

- tealc letting them go I cant take it

- when they blur when they run reminds me of smallville so much

- PROBLEMS ARISE

- okay the arm bands just falling off?? Horrible timing 0/10

- when the staff blast flies by them in slow motion POETIC CINEMA

- tealc!!! Keep disobeying orders bestie you are so good at it 💕

- does Daniel still have the back pack full of naquada or did he drop it

- I wonder how fast Sam was going when she hit the shield. Be funny if it made a smacking noise when she hit it haha im sorry

- THE SLOW MOTION OF JACK RUNNING BACK TO HER ONLY TO HIT THE SHIELD ajsbdjsjsndjsjdnd

- "shouldve brought more snacks"

"I dont think that would have helped"

- Daniel choker

- tealc not leaving even tho he knows they wont make it out in time💖💖

- tealc and Daniel are just gonna stand here and wait all my kids are in love

- Jack not leaving sam?

- oh he dropped the naquada and Sam tried to grab it but Jack said no.

- "didnt I tell you guys to get back to the gate?"

"Yeah tealc wouldnt leave"

Daniel you little shit

- tealc dialing the gate and then running back to help them get there im sobbing

- mission success! Notes from this mission include Dont Let The Tokra Use You For Experiments Again

- "for what its worth....im sorry"

"Me too"

"Me three"

".........i have nothing to apologize for"

- the tokras sad face that they are mad at her like yeah??? Maybe do a little more research on something before using it on humans you dumb ho

~

Whump under the cut

Tealc whump: punched by jack, knocked out

Daniel jackson whump: collapsing, "I cant move" , passing out

Jack Oniell whump: collapsing, passing out

Sam carter whump: collapsing, passing out

No glasses!Daniel for about 20 minutes of the episode.

🎶listening to Something I Need by One Republic 🎶 for all of them not leaving each other even tho they couldve DIED I'm going insane

#stargate season 4 #no glasses!daniel #daniel whump season 4 #tealc whump season 4 #sam whump season 4 #jack whump season 4

[sludgesoup-archive]

every odd one!!!! if you want

hooh ok !!!! this is going under a cut ! thank u for letting me talk abt myself

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?wait a minute by willow, monster by dodie, sanctuary by joji, something for your mind by superorganism, strawberry blonde by mitski, verbatim by mother mother

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.there r no books near me lel

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?just ‘non’ [from my sister]

7: What’s your strangest talent?i dont really have one of those ! i am strange but everything i know is a skill !

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?not that i know of ! my ex write poetry so that has me wondering.......

11: Do you have any strange phobias?no just . general fears. ok i am kinda scared something is down the drain in my bathroom

13: What’s your religion?aint got one !

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?i hoenstly dont know ! both :-p

17: What was the last lie you told?i would say it but im in the lounge and im afraid someone would read it :-x

19: What does your URL mean?i saved it when i was on the skewl bus and being crouchy but i like the aes of it

21: Who is your celebrity crush?rat nao ? very much david harbour

23: How do you vent your anger?j*** *** or minecraft :-)

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?i dont mind either ! its nervwrackign at first but its always fun 

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?i dont like the sound of eating . luv the sound of rain

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?yes and yes

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?cheese . like burnt cheese. is somethign burning

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?im from aus so idk fucking. places. i dont really like coasts tho theyre too hot and theres too many ppl

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?almost makes a hitchikers joke. dont ask me this im existential 

37: Do you believe in luck?yes ! for me tho i have to ask for luck before the event. like a few days before kinda thing but yes it happens

39: What time is it?12:15 pm

41: What was the last book you read?uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

43: Do you have any nicknames?yeah ! newt, harl, simon, etc etc

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?honestly when i got my tunge pierced 

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?mine craft

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?no.

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?ye. msot of the time

53: Do you save money or spend it?spend ! i liek things

55: Love or lust?thinks about keaten henson song huh what were you. saying

57: How many relationships have you had?barely three

59: Where were you yesterday?at. mall . getting suit

61: Are you wearing socks right now?no 

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?being my lil ol self

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.@owencarvour @bastardpikachu @ragedrive @transboyklug and @animorphs !! :-)

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?minecraft >.

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?like. ? ye

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?unless im applying for applbees i dont like answering these kind of questions cos idk how id act. idk me

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.luv !!!

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?0910.... y

77: How can I win your heart?send me hopper stranger thigns gifset and give me minecraft tip

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?god idfk mans

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?sub to jerma

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.luv !!!!!!

85: What’s the last song you listened to?sanctuary by joji

87: What is your current desktop picture?its a folder that changes every five mins. jut images mostly picrews

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?not answerin this one lel !!

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?sorry you said radioactive i thot of the highlighter liquid from reanimator bye

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?hm. ok no yeah im not answering this one either

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?either franch to see @owencarvour or the netherlands

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?yes only a litl tho

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?leans in so the mic touche my lips. asscheekes sotuhcing the toliet seat.

#nonny

[talknerdytome67-blog]

Loss

What did it mean that there were no handbooks for me? That people asked me to be strong in the face of the biggest loss I'd ever experienced or imagined? At times I felt like I didn't deserve to feel so shattered, especially in the shadow of my parents' immense loss but losing a twin is like losing half of yourself.

When I was 22, my twin brother, who was my only sibling, died. He had huffed duster while driving resulting in immediate brain death causing him to hit a tree at over 90mph. That day wasnt like any other day because a few months earlier I woke up and knew he was going to die. Just not how or when. The day the phone rang and I heard my mom say dark, foreign words like car accident, unresponsive, drugs, life support was the most impactful day of my life. In the thickness of shock, I didn't realize that the rest of my life would be measured in before and after. Before, when my family was intact. After, when I would somehow be forced to learn to live without the person I was supposed to get a lifetime with.

"Be strong for your parents," said blurs of people at Trevor's memorial service. I nodded, but inside me, something twisted. I stood in a daze as people streamed by, offering their awkward words and hugs. Be strong for your parents? I thought. How can I be strong for them when half my soul just died and I dont even know how to be strong for myself.

After

I was barely breathing. I was barely standing there. I was numb and strong was the last thing I felt. One thing is for sure I felt angry at my brother for leaving me here. For abandoning me. It's funny how I found myself consoling complete strangers over the death of my brother and yet these very people werent there for him when he was alive and struggling w addiction. Why is it that no one seems to truly care about you until tragedy strikes and then suddenly your life meant so much to them. They say things like "I didn't see this coming" "Why didn't they reach out"

In the early months after Trevors death at 22, I existed in a heavy fog. Nothing was as I knew it. I'd been forced to abandon the little life I'd once known. My friends were living their lives -- going to college, working, falling in and out of love and lust. Meanwhile, my life had stopped and I no longer recognized the world around me.

My home was filled with the cloying scent of flowers just starting to die. It struck me just then how terrible it was that we send flowers to the grieving -- here you go, another reminder that nothing is permanent, that everything lovely will be lost.

My brother's absence was heavy in the house. Though he had died in Peoria, his room was still scattered with relics: the bed he had slept in for so many years, his skateboarding hoodies hanging like shadows in the closets, a handful of videos and books. Memories pinned to each corner. His beloved Ferret Ember waiting for her best friend who was never coming home.

Having always taken comfort in words, I scoured the internet for a book for someone like me -- a barely adult whose (barely) adult twin brother had died. What I found was unimpressive: There were more books on losing a pet than losing a brother or sister, especially a twin. A few books existed for surviving children after a death in the family, but they were for small children. One memoir documented a sister's grief following her brother's death, but it was out of print.

What did it mean that there were no handbooks for me? That people asked me to be strong in the face of the biggest loss I'd ever experienced or imagined? At times I felt like I didn't deserve to feel so shattered, especially in the shadow of my parents' immense loss. I felt guilty for missing him.

A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and my world took another 360* hit. I decided I needed to join a support group so I sat in a circle with a few widows and widowers, a woman whose daughter had died, and a woman whose mother had died. I was younger than any of them by at least 30 years, but I could relate to their shares: "I feel like I'm going crazy." "I'm so damned angry right now." "I can't sleep at night." "My anxiety is at an all time high"

Though the losses were different, the feelings were the same and we were all barely coping.

My parents, who adopted us at 2 would never be the same. Their pain was almost visible, as if a piece of their bodies had been cut out. I had lost myself, too, or at least the version of me that was unscathed by tragedy: an innocent version, who walked around in some parallel universe where her brother was still alive, ignorant to the incredible fortune of an entirely alive family.

My brother, my twin, my built in best friend. I miss Trevors big brown eyes. His loud laugh. He was the co-keeper of my childhood and my secret's. The person who was supposed to walk with me longer than anyone else in this life. The only other person who knew what it was like to grow up with our particular parents, in our particular home and our particular situation being adopted.

The future.

I cried for the nephews and nieces I would never have. I cried for my own daughter who would never know my brother, her uncle. How would I explain him? How would I ensure that his essence wasn't lost, that he wasn't just a figure in old photographs, a handful of stories? Suddenly i was the only person who could make my parents the grandparents they were soon to be.

I constantly grieve for all the hard times ahead when my brother wouldn't be by my side. When my parents begin to age. When my grandparents die. There would be no one to share these dark milestones with and no one to comfort me in the way he did with just his presence.

And so 3 weeks after his death Im now pregnant and despite feeling like I wanted to die from the pain and loneliness i had to stay alive. I suddenly was needing to stay healthy, to stay safe, to stay positive because I was bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world and theres no time to fall apart.

So I placed my grief on hold.

I felt like our family had been a four-legged table, and one leg had suddenly been torn off. The remaining three of us wobbled and teetered. We felt the missing leg like an amputee, each morning waking to the horrible fact that Trevor was gone and unable to stop the pain.

I wrote letters to my brother in those early months and years. At first, memories blazed through my head and I used the letters to capture them before they flitted away, gone forever: my brother walking towards me when he knew my heart had been broken and embracing me in a giant hug. The time I taught him to make snow angels in the front yard of our home, our bulkily clad limbs sliding in synchronicity under the cold afternoon sun.

Later, I wrote the letters when I needed to cry -- when the grief sat coiled and waiting in my chest, needing to be let out, released. I couldn't find the words of other bereaved twin sisters or brothers to bring me comfort, so I created my own.

One day, when I was lost in my sadness, my mom said, "You won't always feel like this. You'll have a family of your own. You'll move on." This seemed impossible in my 23 year-old new mom skin. I couldn't imagine this potential future where I lived a life my brother was no longer apart of.

But very, very slowly, I began putting my life back together. I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl and I made the difficult decision to leave an abusive relationship and return home again. As time has gone on I notice my daughter has his love of music and animals and possesses the lighthearted spirit my brother had at the same age and I cant help but smile and think a part of him is in her.

Sometimes adult siblings aren't able to close the distance between them, all those shared experiences and time and space and relationships matter. They tether us, they twine our stories together. I pray that my children will one day remain close as they grow, and that they enjoy a long lifetime together and never take eachother for granted.

After nearly 9 years, the sharp shock and grief I felt in those early months and years are no longer constant but only come back in waves, especially around his angelversary or our birthday. It's hard to explain to people the survivors guilt I feel and the PTSD I acquired from watching him struggle to pass away after being taken off life support. It's hard to explain to people that the week of his death never gets easier to face and I tend to shut down and shut people out because I dont want to be a burden. I distance myself so my sadness doesnt spill into their lives.

Its taken 9 years for the pain to dull and for the words "your brother is dead" to stop pounding in my head -- but they did. Trevors absence is mostly a dull hurt, the ghost of an old broken bone that aches when it rains. I feel it more on holidays and anniversaries, when someone else close to me dies. Or when something funny happens and I go to text him and realize I cant. Because Hes gone.

I'll always wish he was still here. I'll always wonder what he would look like and what he'd be doing if he was still alive -- at almost 32, At 50. At 75. Who would he be today? Would he have gotten sober and started a family? Would his music career had taken off?

So with no other choice I continue on. Perhaps I am even strong, like those well-meaning mourners at my brother's memorial asked me to be. But my brother's loss will remain with me for my whole life -- just like he was supposed to.

I wish I knew how to explain to the people I love that the distance I create during anniversaries is done so they are not effected by my overwhelming sadness. I create distance because even after 9 years I am still learning how to cope and handle my grief and sometimes its easier to do alone so that theres no pressure to feel like you have to be happy and in a way continue healing.

I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing boyfriend who is patient and kind and incredibly handsome and perfect in every way. He has been incredibly understanding and supportive despite the distance I have placed between us lately and that's how I know hes who I am going to spend the rest of my life with if he'll let me.

I will forever be thankful for the time I had with my brother and the lessons he taught me but time doesn't heal all wounds and I am just finding ways to get by.

[lokbobpop]

Fear

Fear comes from fere, an Old English word. Its earliest meaning, in the 700s, was "danger or peril." It was not used for the feeling of fear until the 1300s. fearful: having or showing fear.

Fear is defined as to be afraid of someone or something. ... A feeling of anxiety and agitation caused by the presence or nearness of danger, evil, pain, etc.; timidity; dread; terror; fright; apprehension.

fear f ear fe ar

Writing fear

Well when have i not been in fear comes up like life has only ever been as underly fear is always present just because you’re not thinking about it at the given moment dont mean to say your over it hey yes its always there with you fear of driving fear something will happen to the girls or chris fear flying fear of losing all the money fear not freeing my beingness yes it’s all fear but does it help in this life living in this fear no it doesn’t infact its a fucking hindered so why have it so why live in it at all times ??? Its stupid really but yes we do we dont want to lose the things we are close to or have but they may never go well parents go but why live ti every day when you could be living something else instead you could be living free happy love whatever it might be but not fear save your fear when needed when its viable if ever because if you live your whole life in fear you miss your life you miss everything in it you dont really experience life so its a wasted life really hey.

Reading fear

I think of being a kid when you feared the boogyman in bed at night why is it bad things happen in the night why cant good things happen in the night well they do a like a party lol but as a child you fear so much so i think it’s important to cover these when you are a child like i think to help the child understand that all id good all is well and you will be ok as my one daughter fears of the dark to this day she cant go out in the dark thinking that she going to meet a horrible person to many horror movies id say.

Over come them as i am trying slowly but surly liek the video chats ones where i want to put them on eqafe for people to see i need ot start creating myself out of the fear. That is left because ive been so indoctrinated by my mind i havent a clue who i am not at all so in the new creation of me i waht to get out who i really am so people can see me and mostly i can live the real me how exciting is that pretty dam cool.

I couldn’t even put my foot out of thre bed when i was a kid with the thought a ghost will grab it and that there was always something under my bed really to get me stuff like that and graveyards of yes i feared them big time because these dead people were going to come out of the ground i couldn’t even walk past when even in my teens so much fear no wonder that it has stayed with me and when i got over a fear the mind i allowed to just replace it with another and thats it.

How does it feel when you are in fear comes up well anxiety nervousness you start to sweat on your top lip which spreads all over your heart beats all over the place i hold myself ridged tight like holding myself in a way by clenching gal the muscles to keep me safe i feel i do that like how i hold my thump to hold myself so clenching all my mussels is the same. Mostly round thr shoulders neck area and the mind goes completely quiet no a think you are waiting for something to happen you are in complete shock but if you brought in your beingness it would say hey you need a solution here and i would work it out hey.

Whe yuo see people in places where ther are no solutions like people who have been held captive in the war where they would slit a mans throat in from a camera theres not solutions and yes fear would be there it would be natural at this point but do i want to think this will happppen to me all my life ot get to the end of it and it never did wtf no what a waste of life.

I getting over me fears bit by bit in creating a new and living the life i was always meant to be.

Saying fear

Bungee jumping yes i fear this i dont like heights for sure i feel unsafe death pain comes up something terrible comes up which is when i think about doing it so if i say to myself well your not going ot ever do it because you dont liek you dont need to do it to prove to anyone anything so why worry bio need i wont happen hey so no need ot fear you’ll never do it so forget it. There not see to do anything you dot feel like doing if it’d not necessary.

Over coming fears yes this is something that interest me a lot seeing them and overcoming them the more i become stable the better i feel i can handle my fears

The drive to use the fear you have and change it into what you need it for do the fear i wast on not doing vlogs i could use to actually to them yep true story rigth there lol

Sf

Does this definition support me no it has a polarity of yes i can do this to oh fuck i still fear shti i need ot get away from it and not really embracing it within me to see my fear and say ok what can i do to change this about me what can i do to help myself within it and use the energy more wisely

Fear hear

Fear

The energy created in unrest in a situation to be transformed in to a working helpful way to support myself within life as life is to short to live in it all the time.

I will use this word as a transformation word to see this energy as a growth of self a time of changes to coem about.

[ii9ir3iri30ri30ir93ir03ir903]

shitty parallel paradise translations ch 101-104

Shitty Parallel Paradise Translation Chapter 101 to Chapter 104

a duwang quality parallel paradise translation transcript draft from chapters 101 to the first few pages of chapter 105. My brother asked me to do it but I really can't put that much effort into something I don't really care. This was sitting on my computer so i thought I'd put it here even if it is half-assed but if this gets enough likes or reblogs or DM's I'll do it more seriously and give the translations to the group who's doing it (or whoever wants to clean this up and typeset this I can give u photoshop if u want). Scans are from rawdevart.com don't go to the other one because that one is full of ads. 

notes: I've never read parallel paradise so I don't know how the characters sound. It's a draft so there's lots of brainstorming words and sentences. 

Enjoy the duwang. Namazu out.

 Chapter 101

The dreaming maidens target is…?

The dreaming maidens spearhead is aiming towards?

 I can't stay as a dreaming virgin?

 Peko is looking this way like she doesn't want to get along.

 Peko!!

 You're here aren't you!!

 Come out here!

 Tch,

 Peko's stupid but she's skilled

 Accompany him to sandorio

 Go together with him until sandorio please.

 I think it would be enough with ruumi and amane though

 It probably is but…

 Even though peco has talent, she's not a guardian/has no guardian (?)

And therefore she doesn’t know the world outside/outside  world.

 Because of that I would like to use this chance to give her some experience.

About this world's absurdity (不条理）

 You can make her carry your stuff (make her a porter?/carrier?)

 Please bring her with you

 Carry your stuff!?

   …alright.

 Peko once you're ready we're moving out.

Tch

 Argh dammit

 I can't take this!/I can't do this

 Me as a stuff carrier you say!?/me carrying stuff you say!? This genius me!!

 For this ugly guy!!

 Yes yes ill do it ill do it I'll get ready!!

 It's misaki sama's orders so I'll obey it!

 But I definitely won’t listen to this guys orders you hear!1

 I can't believe this humiliation/disgrace!!

 On second thought, can I refuse/

Please can you do something about it…

 Well then we'll be going

 Yeah, be careful

 You'll overthrow the (deep jealousy god)(?),

And I believe you will erase the (hougetsu) from the humans

 Yeah

 Where's peco

She's waiting outside

 I see, peco's a unicorn huh

 Hng

Kia, what happened to your face?

 I got kicked by a unicorn. It was a shock.

 Even though I've been taking care that much care of it all this time…

 Aahhh…

Unicorn's hate non-virgins so…

 I put a saddle on a bicorn.

 Arai 荒いrough rude wild

Kisei nature

Odoroki

 I am surprised that it was this easy to put a saddle on a bicorn despite such wild nature.

 Its because Bicorns like non-virgin girls

 Yota-dono

Once the battle is over, I want you to definitely come back.

 Because you want to copulate?

 Because I like you.

 I'll come back.

 For sure.

 This time, il come back to this city…

  Is When I've triumphantly return from  defeating the (god of deep jealousy ?)

 Well, let's go!!

Taa

uWaa!!

 Too fast too fast!!

 Is it alright if we go this fast!?

 If we're going the same as a unicorn it's totally fine!

 Okay

Let's set up tent here

 Wow we've progressed quite far in one day…

 Yes

At this rate It might not even take 7 days to reach sandorio

 Peco how about you come here and eat together with us

 I'm good

 I am the sole luggage carrier here

So

 I very well can't partake/join in  with hero-sama and the guardian-dono

 I will go and patrol around the edge of the vicinity

 Everyone else please go ahead and go to bed before me.

 If something happens be sure to call me immediately!

 Huuuh?

 Don't make fun of me

 There's no way I would depend on someone like you ba-ka

 It’s dangerous alone!

Don't mind me

I have confidence in my skills so

 What the hell is up with her

 She was always a strange child but

 It seems like she got even more worse during the period we didn't meet.

 The human man that she admired turned out to be yota I wonder if she was greatly disillusioned…

 Shut up!

 Tch

 Who was it, who was the one who said lets  set up the tent at a place like this!?

 Parallel paradise 102

 I want to penetrate! A maidens policy!

 Fufufuffu huhuhuhuh…

 It's one of me vs 9 of them huh

 It's definitely not enough you know

 Okay that’s 2

 From here on it's the debut of my specially made reverse KARU personal knife!  

That makes four

 Fufufu if I used this then the KARU are like walking tofu!

 Nope nope

 Your presence is totally not erased so

 Okay 7

Now

Theres only you know

 What will it be?

 Bui-ru

 You can go and call your comrades if you want?

 Since im here anyways I'll exterminate all the KARU in the area

 Geez, misaki-sama too

 Whats up with the 'I want to show her the absurdity of this world"

 Even though I am so much stronger than it.

 For real?

Sorry…

 As I thought

The world is wide…

Tch

The probability of hitting its weak point is 1 out of 4…

  No good huh!

 Don't fuck with me!'

 What the hell is this

 Just by one punch I cant move my body anymore…

 "call me as soon as there's something!"

 If I call now,

 I wonder if that hero-dono will come and save me…

 There was no point in trying that hard to train in martial arts

 No matter how much you train the body it'll be the end if you get punched once.

I'll just be used for these guys sexual desires and die…

 To think that…

 I was this weak

 Save me…

 Pp chapter 103

   Looking down from above, a peeping danger!?

 s-save me…

 You're late to call

 Baka

 You okay?

 Why did the KARU run away?

 I don't know the reason but

 For some reason when they hear my voice the KARU run away,

 Whats up with that

 That kind of thing is cheating right…

 Well

 That's why when you're with me you won't get attacked by the KARU

 As I thought… I hate you…

 Men… are too unfair…

 even though I couldn't defeat that stupidly big KARU no matter how hard I tried.

 You're right

 That's not true

 Ru-mi -sama

 If youta was bad man then I think he would've used his powers for his own self interest

 He is the only man in this world after all.

 And besides if you copulate with a man you won't die of moon destruction when you turn 20.

 Eh?

 If those are the circumstances then we definitely can't go against yota.

 In exchange for extending your life he could make all the women in this world do whatever he wants

 Every single day copulating with lots of women.

 I won't do that

 That's right, yota won't do those kinds of things

 Even though If he wanted to he could've done countless horrible things.

 Forget about trying to use us.

 He's putting his life fighting to free us from the destroy moon.

 It's very fortunate that this world's only man is yota Is what I think.

 It was written in a book in sindoria/

 That's unusual

 Amelia spoke

 3000 years ago the man who appeared…

 Brought this world into the brink of atrocity

 He did as he liked with all woman

And made them into toys to satisfy his urges

Took their value has humans

 he left them along the sidewalks 

Laugh at their pathetic forms.

 And brought a period of  treachery.

 Akugyaku no kiri wo tsukushita to

      See as I thought its good we got yota

 Was it truly like that

 Even I, if I stay in this world forever that could I also…

 So peko

 Don’t you have anything to say to the hero-sama that saved you?

 So the KARU will just run away when you use your vice,

 So just by using your voice you make the KARU run away, pretty nice position you got there that you can experience the glory of a hero so easily like that

 You

 I hate you even more now.

 Lets go and sleep now

 Ahh!

 What's wrong what's wrong?

 The unicorn!!

 The unicorn ran away!!

 Did you tie it up properly…

 I did… tie it up I think…

 It might have ran away from the giant karu's howl yesterday

 Can this bicorn ride 4 people?

 If it's this big then it should be fine, the problem now is…

 Peco, try and touch the bicorn

 Ehh…

 Ouch!

 As I thought it would not let a virgin ride it huh///

 Yota…

 Well… it cant be helped huh.

We can't just leave peco here and we can't just walk either.

 Peko take of your underwear and face your ass here

We're copulating

 Huh!?

 If you're a non-virgin you can ride the bicorn

 Hurry up and take it off

 If you hate me that much then let's copulate in the agreed way and business like way

 Chapter 103

 I'll copulate with you

 Haa

 I'll do it how you want it professionally

 Hurry up and take of your underwear and face your ass here

 Just with one prick you'll be able to ride a bicorn.

 Know your place

(mi no hodo wakimaenasai)

 Huh?

 (Peco, her only option left is)

 If I have to copulate with you then I'd rather die right here right now.

 In the first place I didn't have any business anyways, I'lll just go and head home alone.

 If I have three days then I can walk back to mi-su so don't mind me please go on ahead without me

 I've already learned plenty  how wide the world is.

 Even if I put in effort its useless

 To lose to a man just by way of him existing is

 No matter what dangers I face, it's better than procreating with a man who feels like a hero just for existing.

 You know what peco

 Then why is your pleasure fountain overflowing?

 Eh!?

 I get it peco…

We also walked the same path so…

 You're getting excited imagining opulating with yota right?

  You're wro-!

You should just give up

 I know you know?

 That peco draws lots of naked

 Wai-!?

 Why!?

 It's famous.

 That there are lots of pictures of naked men hanging in the room

 Didn't you know?

 You're interested in men aren't you

 It can't be helped

 It's alright

 I'm sure it's the same for everyone so

 It's not something to be ashamed about

 You'll get it if you copulate with yota

 To be honest

 I am interested about copulating

 But…

 But…

 I thought that men would be more beautiful but…

 But… this…

 For them to be this rugged and bony and an ugly being like this is…

 Give it back…

 Give back the beautiful men that I imagined

 Give it back…

 I've been denied whole heartedly while in tears

 If you really don't want it, it can't be helped but…

 If you have even a little bit of interest in copulating then please

 I don't want to leave you here all alone.

 At least…

 Inside the tent please…

 Oh my oh my

 Hurry up and get it over with it already

 If you look at her closely even though she's cute what an amazing smell

 Well it's not like she's taken a bath yet

 Even though you look like you really hate it your pleasure fountains bursting you know

 Even though I haven't even touched you yet you're already really excited aren't you

 Shut up!  

What is this what is this?

 Good it's come out already the non-virgin mark

 With this it's settled then

 Let's ride the bicorn and head off to sandorio.

 But… if you want to apologise for all the rude things you did regarding me then I’ll continue copulating with you (?)

  What will you do

 She said lots of conceited things already…

 Let's mess with her a little

 Will she fall

 Or perhaps she'll endure it

 Tears

 Eh!?

  Hero-sama

Hero sama…

 For not knowing my place and all the incalculable rudeness

 I am sincerely very sorry

 Oh Please bless this wretched pervert with copulation…

 You didn't have to fall that far!

 What's with you

 Kuaah

 I… I'm a pervert who loves men!

 Always!

 I'm a pervert who always imagines copulating with men!!

 I didn't know!

 That men were such strong beings like this!!

 It's totally different

 Than women!!

 Thank you

 Huh?

 It's not something you have to say thanks for

 No

 Yesterday

 For saving me

 Aahh

 105

 Even with for people riding it this bicorn seems to be totally fine

 Yeah! Because it's this big!

 Before,

 They say the humans of this world came out from that castle right

 Yeah

 Everyone was born in the castle and leaves the castle to start living in their own cities/towns

 You leave the castle between when you become old enough to be self-aware or not so there are only hazy memories.

 In this world without men, girls being born from a castle…

 If you think about how it is, inside that castle it's like there's something pretty nasty about it inside…

 Who on earth lives in the castle

 The empress

 Nobody has seen her face though

 The empress has already lived for thousands of hears and protects this country

 Eh?

Isn't that?

 Could it possibly the witch?

 But here,

 Whether you can say bad things about the ruler of this land…

 Well then let's head off

 What a creepy forest

 The shortest course would be through here right

 We can't go fast here so it's also an opportunity to let the bircorn rest.

 Please save me!

 Uwah!

 Kobold

 What are these guys?

 Kobold loves young girls and metal

 They're aiming for our weapons

 Peco?

 Small fry…

 As expected her martial arts is ruthless/can’t be excused

 Are you alright?

 b-big sister thank you…

 It was scary…

 She has an unexpectedly kind face huh

 Everything is alright now

 Peco had a little sister

 They were killed though

 Hey ru-mi sama

 I want to take this child all the way to the city

 That's impossible

 Why?

 I mean that child can't ride a bicorn right?

 Wai-!

 You planning on copulating with a child this young!?

 I wasn’t!

 Oh alright!! Then I'll walk and drop her home to the city myself!!

 You guys can go on ahead first!

 Like I said it's impossible peco

 You definitely can't walk in the outside world alone.

 LUMI=sama…

 Aren’t you underestimating me a bit too much?

 Just because I was saved once yesterday…

 It's alright

 There's an easy solution so

 Eh?

 Amane

 I feel a bit sorry for them but this way it's settle

 Let's hurry and move on

 Peco look closely!

 That childs a ghoul

 Ghouls turn into people to let their guards down and then attack and eat them

 Even if you cut of their arms and legs they’ll regenerate but their stomach is their weak point.

 I'm sure it teamed up with the Cobolt to attack people.

 The Cobolt for the metal and the ghoul for the human meat

 How di did you know?

 Ghouls have a special smell

 The smell of human corpses

 The ghoul made you let your guard down So I apologise I ended up saying it in such a roundabout way

 But with this you understand now right?

 I understand you have confidence in your martial arts but you can't walk the worlds outside of the city with just that.

 I think that's why misaki wanted you gain experience.

 See, look peco

 Aren’t you glad you didn't have to go back to mi-su alone?

 If you didn't mate with me you would've been dead by now.

 Shut up

 Why don’t you go die instead!!

 Die you!!

 Pp 106

 The weather has been fine all the way…

 At this rate we should already be arriving at sondorio!!

 Just a bit ore nishina…

 I defeated garia and I obtained the card that will free you from the cold sleep./ that will release the cold sleep

 Once I get to sandorio I'll awaken nishina…

 And then…

 What on earth happened to her,

 Why did she become the "wtich of deep jealousy"

 Everything that I don’t know I'll hear from her!

 Ah

 It's sandoria!

 Eh?

 What's the matter amane?

 What the? It's/something burning?

 You're wrong

 It's a beacon/signal fire right?

 Does that mean something happened in  sandoria?

 What, is that…?

 That’s…

 What on earth happened?

 We haven't met in the while huh

 Kaduchi

Banyuu

 Nakuta sama… what on earth does this mean?

 It's proof of my resoution

#parallel paradise #parallel paradise translation #my translations

[easilyabandonedgirl]

Around 4am this morning. My phone began flooding with messages. Laying on my uncle's couch, unable to sleep, I am startled by the mass amount of vibrations sent to my chest. (That's where I lay my phone when I dont want to miss a message or a call.)

It honestly scared the hell out of me for a second.

But as I'm reading and replying, I'm being given the most wonderful stories. Shared memories and experiences that reminded me that you dont just live on with me, brother.

You always told me how special my love was, because my heart was different from everyone else in this whole world. But now I see, it was no different from yours. The light and love and happiness you brought to peoples lives is so apparent.

And while, yes, you were an asshole from time to time, you were never malicious. You never acted out of spite. You made such a positive impact on so many hearts and souls.

For the last few hours, I have been granted the opportunity to share stories and be told things about you that I may have forgotten or not known. I am so proud of you for all you did here.

Your friends and comrades miss you just as much as I do. Your absence has been present in their lives constantly. Its wonderful to know that you werent just a good brother to me, but a good brother and friend to so many.

I have to admit I'm a little jealous. Your last couple years here were spent overseas or in places where I could hardly reach you, if at all. Always waiting for phone calls or emails. But so many people got to see you every day, hear your jokes and see you being you.

I will never stop missing you or loving you.

But please dont worry about me. I have been very lucky. Having found one person who manages to talk some sense into me when I'm being dumb and stubborn and makes me smile when I'm sad. You would absolutely love him. He makes me want to be a better person and loves me even when I'm not. He makes me feel safe, protected from not just the evil in the world, but the evil in myself. He silences the horrible things in my mind faster than anyone I have ever met. He never let's me talk down on or belittle myself. When I am weak, he is strong for me. Couldnt ask for more than that.

I miss you, James. Even if it feels or seems like I dont.

I think about you every day. Theres so many things in this world that remind me of you. The hard part is getting passed that initial feeling of wanting to send them to you. I still see things and think, I'm going to send him this, out of habit.

But I'm okay, brother. Not good, not great, but okay. Genuinely okay.

I love you, James. I miss you. And I promise to be okay.

[poppunkdee]

3-5, 28-30, 35-40

whoa okay everyone sorry for the long post someone decided to give me a million in one ask. 

3. okay so this person idk what to even say about them anymore I hardly know who or what they are like now but I guess ill talk about them when I was irrationally in love with them. They had a way to make me feel at home no matter how far from home I was. That person was super smart (to me) they had a charisma that allowed them to creep into your life and later your heart, and had you liking them even if at first you thought they were just another fake person trying super hard to be “cool” they had a way to get under your skin, to make you laugh until you’re crying and hold your attention in a way that you never really thought they might be able to. Honestly this person made me feel so many things and not all of them were good, in fact looking back now I realized that I excused so much shitty behavior towards me because of a fancy dinner, or a cute poem, or a dozen roses. God i was so in love with them and its sad really how now its just a faded memory of a person who never apologized for the hell they put me through. 

4. the thing I regret most so far is not going to the ivy league school I was accepted into bc it meant I would be far from the person mentioned above. 

5. Oh fuck. Honestly I have not had any like “amazing” birthdays. My most memorable birthdays are seared into my memory bc I was either in a funeral home, in a hospital watching my cousin fight cancer, or I myself was in the hospital bc a car almost killed me(yay 24th birthday!) really I have most fun when I celebrate my birthday alone at disneyland, which I do every year although not on my actual birthday bc it seems that on my actual birthday I’m always caught up in some kind of hospital, or receiving bad news. 

28. honestly idk if i have any like crazy out there fetishes, like dirty talk and rough sex is cool but like idk if i really have like one odd thing. I mean one of my exes and I got hella drunk one night and decided to do all the shit we had wanted to do and lemmi tell you that was a full weekend of endless orgasms and take out food. It was amazing. I had rope burn on my thighs and was sore for a week after and he had like a million hickies from his neck to his dick. 

29. okay turn ons so like these depend on the person im seeing, like for one person their voice as they whisper in my ear might end me while for another the way they bite their lip and run their fingers through their hair might have me thinking of how those fingers might feel on me. so really I don’t have like one singular set of turn ons they just vary depending on the person. 

30.OHHH TURN OFFS THO. so these will literally dry me up like the Sahara desert and make me grab my shit and leave kyle’s house. If I say "men are trash” and the guy replies with “well not all men.... “ yeah ya cancelled. okay this one is shallow I know but its there and i really cant get past it, bad dental hygiene. the white ppl who try to have dreadlocks but really they haven’t washed their hair. ANY NON BLACK PERSON SAYING THE N WORD. I can go on really bc I’m super picky with the people I sleep with and i have actually mid thrust have told a guy to stop, got dressed, left and blocked him. 

35. Things i wish I could stop doing, okay so like as yall know my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes and I wish I could stop the nail biting. Also I need to stop expecting my body to go back to how it was before my car accident, like my spine is forever hurt and i really have to learn to accept that there are somethings i just cant do anymore and its not my fault there are limitations on my body so i should stop expecting to be able to go back to the gym like i used to, or do all the adventurous activities i used to do, also I wish I could go back to driving like i used to without the PTSD fear running through me every time a big rig is next to me on the freeway. 

36, okay so as of rn my guilty pleasure is that I read the twilight books bc my roommates got me into it and like holy shit i went through the whole saga in less than a weekend and I now need to rewatch the movies. honestly thank god for this gay twilight renaissance I’m living. But really tumblr is full of my guilty pleasures so like just scroll through my blog bc its all there, half of this shit is not on any of my public social media,.... or wait actually i think it is, i don’t really hide who i am so like it definitely has affected the way people judge me before they really know me but i know the people that are my friends after seeing the shit i post kinda really like me.  

37. Damn okay so this is kinda, ugh, okay so im sure my best friend is tired of me running back to this person but like i like ppl who ruin me i guess. So this person and I started dating after i had gone through like a horrible breakup, AND I got the news that my uterus is like a war zone for new cells(make of that what you will). Anyways here I am five months into a depressive episode i cut off all the people that i had thought were friends but who turned out to abandon me when i needed them the most. so here enters this person with their puppy dog love and gives me wonderful dirty kinky sex along with the hugs, cuddles, after care and takes me to these cool experiences in the city I thought I knew. They support my dreams and help me work towards them, honestly it was a great three months, but this person told me they loved me one night while at a night club and i thought hey youre drunk pls don’t do this and honestly it was mostly cowardliness that drove me to end it bc i didn’t feel the same way and i felt like i didnt deserve this new pure love i was receiving.  Anyways we hooked up a bit after we broke up and then they started dating someone else and we just kinda saw other people but would come back to each other after our different flings ended, until they got into like a real relationship with some one else and like I was cool like they deserve it, could have used a heads up but like i keep my space like the respectful person that i am, although lately this person has told me they are not into the person they are with and has been hitting me up and like the part of me that thinks im in love with them is really pushing for me to go for it but also they ARE STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP AND ITS NOT OKAY THAT THEY ARE SENDING ME MESSAGES LIKE THIS!! so anyways i think im more in love with the feeling they brought me those few months we were together bc i was just so fucking depressed and they helped pull me out of the hole i was in. So not really in love with the person but with the feeling i guess. 

38. songs that remind me of people. oh god, yall can i just make a spotify playlist and link it later bc theres so many. I have a few songs for like everyone that I know that i can make playlists for individual people so like i’ll just link a playlist when get around to it pls remind me later. 

39. OHHHH BOYYY. things i wish i had known earlier. i wish i had known men are trash earlier in life so that i would have been somewhat prepared for the men that caused trauma in my life. I also wish i had known how little time i had with certain people. (people i regret not making more time with) Also wish I had known about the accident that had me in a hospital on my birthday bc a year later im still plagued by nightmares, PTSD, and anxiety on the road. I also wish I had known about my cousin’s accident. GOd if there’s one thing i’ve had to learn the hard way this past year is that we never know when it will be the last time we see our loved ones and that we have GOT to tell them we love them bc we NEVER know when it will be the last time.  

40.okay last one, the end of something in my life. I wanna talk about a good ending bc i feel like yall got some insight on bad shit so like good endings i’d say is when i left socal for norcal. I come back literally anytime im homesick but like it was a huge step for me to take to leave, I was given a full scholarship to the wilderness and an apartment thats a ten min walk to the beach. It was definitely hard leaving all my friends and family behind but it was also kind of refreshing to be able to go out on my own to make my own path and do something i love. im back in socal for the summer and although im so happy to be back in the warmth of LA im definitely looking forward to my small apartment that constantly smells like a mix of sea breeze and damp forest. 

#Personal #asks #ask me shit #this was really open #remind me to do the spotify playlists #or ill forget

[constelacionde-orion]

Every you Every me (9/?)

Pairing : Tony!Father x Reader!Daughter x Steve x Avengers

Warnings: idk(? Summary: You are Tony’s daughter, everything was normal until you recall your past in your nightmares.

A/N : Steve’s point of view… okay I may not told this before… this story takes place in 2020 (well this chapter is now in July 2021) :v

Word Count: 3969

Chapter 1   Chapter 2.1  Chapter 2   Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5 Chapter 6   Chapter 7     Chapter 8  Chapter 10  Chapter 11 Chapter 12  Chapter 13  Chapter 14

It's early morning, maybe 10 a.m. The soft wind enter through the kitchen accompanied by faint rays of sun that let the dust see as small glows. The music gives life to everything on the flat, soft jazz it's playing through speakers, still you can hear birds chirping outside, it's a normal morning for Christopher Pace or actually me, Steve Rogers.

I was writing on the notebook, blue ink and a lot of messy doodles everywhere, my hand moved from left to right leaving keywords or full sentences behind. The music in the warm flat made me relax a lot more, but there was something I was still craving. My hand leaved the pen while the other one grabbed the phone to call, seconds after I heard that familiar voice in the other side of the line.

"Pal, you can't call us every 10 minutes, you never know if the walls have ears" Bucky said with a chuckle.

"I know, I was just kind of wondering..." I said while my free hand scratch my beard.

"Steve... you know she hasn't wake up. I mean she made progress with moving some fingers but it's just that, don't worry she's gonna be okay" Bucky said with a calm voice.

"Just call me if something change, okay?" I said with a sad sigh.

I ended the call when Bucky said his goodbyes and then, at 10:15 a.m., there was a knock on the door, Alexander Günther it's here. I quickly go to the door, he was waiting and when the door opens, the man with blue eyes and almond hair is indeed behind the door, his posture only reflected how many control and power he still have and it made me feel a little uneasy, his wrinkles only let everyone know how many experience he have, but still there's something behind those blue eyes, his hiding something behind this posture. he just nod his head as a 'hello' and he makes his way inside the flat. I closed the door and then I turned around and he's looking at the notebook on the table.

"Schön, so you draw too, huh?" he said with a smirk when he saw the doodles (I think), the showed me that in fact he meant the doodles.

"Yes, kind of a hobby to kill some time" I tell him, I made my way to stop the music when I heard him again.

"Leave the music" Alexander said after he sits on the couch.

I don't say anything and go the sit in front of him. My eyes are watching and the old man, he maybe was in his mid 40 of maybe he was now 50, I don't know. Everytime I was with him million of questions came to my mind, did he hurt her?, did he remind her at least?. But I know there wasn't any kind of chance of me to make those questions.

"You know, this song brings back forgotten memories to me. I used to know a girl that really like that piece" Alexander said with a sad smile and I only return the gesture.

"So, Pace. Two months talking about the same topic and still not satisfied" Alexander said, his eyes still looking at the notebook.

"For sure it helps, but theres some things I haven't put in place" I tell him and all I want it's to take the notebook away from him when he took it again, this time with the pen.

"Like what exactly? I gave you plenty of information, so much that both of us can be dead in a blink of an eye if Hydra finds out" he said with a stern voice.

"I know, and I really appreciate it, but-" "But you want to know about the kids" he said when his hand stopped writing on the notebook.

I looked at him confused, and yes I wanted to know about the 'Lazarus' project,  he had told me in two months about the serum, how they created and that stuff, but he never talked about that, until now.

"Yes, I mean if you want to talk about it, I have tell you a million times about this kind of protection we can give you, but, really if you don't want to talk about, you know the children, then don't do it" I told him trying to act as if wasn't a really hard subjet, maybe that way he wouldn't notice that I really wanted him to spill everything about it.

"Children" he said with a chuckle when his eyes drifted again to the notebook, his hand started to move once again.

"They didn't call them that way, they saw them like trash" Alexander said, with a sigh he continued and my attention was at top, while I was recording everything with the phone.

"If Hydra it's good at something, it's at disappearing people, in those days they made a huge research about children, specially in the ones that no one would bat an eye for them, so... they brought hundreds under the age of 15, still just 24 made it alive after the serum." he said with a sad smile.

"At first I saw that project as something wonderful, we were bringing Hydra back to surface, but... I saw all this children dying in awful ways during the process of the serum, and it was then when I realized, it wasn't human. Hydra can make horrible things, but what those children endured... no one would like to take their place"

"Anyway. As I was high commander they gave everyone of us a child. Ana, Viktor, Markus, Ásgeir, Jason, Joshep, Karina, Veronica, Adam, Isaac, Agnes, Richard, David, Michael, Emma, Ari, Kalevi, Olivia, Amanda, Annika, Hans, Roy, Damian and Lilian" he said again with a sigh, my jaw clenched when I heard her 'name'.

"I remember they actual names-" he said with a sad chuckle "May some of them rest in peace" he said with a frown and I was confused by that.

"They were special in their own way, some of them were made for sports, other to arts and the others well, they already had the guts to kill someone without hesitation. Mine was Lilian, this pure little girl, she was pretty smart you know?, she could do anything in a blink of an eye, her gift, was a quick learning and she found the way to use that learning to create new things" he said after a long pause and his eyes looked at me, all I could imagine was to notice Tony’s genes in Y/N. 

"But of course you know that" he said and I felt weird, I have a lot of feelings right now and all I can look in his eyes was regret and hope.

"uh? what-excuse me?" I said really confused by the statement, I really have to still acting.

"Lilian Günther" He said with sadness in both, his face and voice. And there I saw, regret, fear, sadness. But why?

Why Alexander Günther was feeling this way about Y/N? and Why does he think I know about all of this?. In that moment for sure I was frozen, waiting for him to keep talking, while my facade was still and scientist willing to give him protection for this kind of information.

"Alexander. If I asked you about this it's because I didn't knew about the subjet" I state clearly, still, my heart was beating fast and I felt the sweat on my forehead.

"Or because you want to know about her" He said, the way he was talking was, so strange, like if he was his father, that was!, he was talking like Tony!, but why?.

"Alexander" I said with a sigh, and 'frustration' "I don't know any Lilian Günther, but for what you have already told me, she isn't your daughter, she was your trainee" I told him once more trying to turn the tables.

"I saw her that way, Steve" He said and I was totally shocked and this time I didn't know what to do.

"Just listen to me" he said when he saw my hands balled in fists, ready to attack, but by some reason i didn't and I relaxed my muscles, still I was alert.

"This, this is Y/N" he said as he gave me the notebook. He took his time to draw her, at least as the last time I thought he saw her, and God, yes it was her in a drawing. I only nodded with my head.

"Look. When Hydra gave her to me I tried to kept her safe, for sure, I had to teached her to fight and other things, but I never let them touched her, and still sometimes I wasn't with her and other Superiors tooked my job and made her do horrible things but when I was back I took care of her, because her mother asked me to."

"I tried so hard to keep her safe, I tried to make her strong enough for her to runaway I even gave her a fucking map with a shelter for her to arrived when she could finally escape" he said with sadness.

"But I never thought Hydra could kill her mother and after that, everything went downhill. Hydra made with her horrible things, she was under the charge of other superior and they made her kill the other ones with the help of Kalevi, they erased her memory over and over again, until she couldn't remember me, but one day she recalled me..." Alexander said and then he looked again a the notebook.  

Alexander POV 

2:50 a.m. and I was finally back from that shitty reunion on America. I was making my way in the facility when I heard screams and man shouting orders in german. I walked closer to the source of those noises and I couldn't believe my eyes. Yelchin was in the room used by the old Black Widows, the forgotten one, but that wasn't the wrong thing here. 

The wrong thing here was that Y/N was with him, and in front of her was Isaac, he was covered in blood and first I didn't understand but then I saw Yelchin screaming again at Y/N, she refused every his command. The poor little girl of seven years refused to kill and old mate, but Yelchin made her do it. I walked there trying to stop her but Yelchin blocked me, only by his look I knew what he was saying 'don't you dare'. It happened in seconds, Isaac was screaming and when I saw him, he was covered in daggers, then she screamed.

I pushed Yelchin away and I took Y/N in my arms, she hide her face on my chest as she cried in pain and horror.  I felt her little body shivering and I held her closer to me 

"She's not your daughter, Alexander! Stop trying to be his father" Yelchin said angry before he leaved the room, he didn't even bothered to take Isaac's body away.

“Schlaf nur selig und süß, schau im Traum's Paradies, schlaf nur selig und süß, schau im Traum's Paradies...” I sang the lullaby over and over again until I felt her muscles relax. 

When she calmed down I carried her in my arms and I took her to the infirmary to heal her wounds.I went to the kitchen and grabbed some food for her. In that time she didn't spoked any word, she felt better and then, when I was ready to leave her dull room I heard her said 'thank you' I turned around, she was smiling, and that broked my heart, this girl was living in hell, she killed her friend, she had wounds everywhere and she was smiling, innocent, small, but she was happy that I was with her, I nodded with my head and I leaved the room. 

And after that everything went even faster and Hell itself drag her down until no one practically knew her anymore, she barely spoke, her mind was in every Hydra order. It aches me every time to saw her killing someone of being reckless around the facility, training mostly all day and going into field missions from months. Someone could easily tell that she wanted to die, one way or another. Hydra made her a perfect assassin, or at least everyone thought so, because they erased her million of times.

Happens that Hydra lost control in the perfect soldiers, they were too dangerous even for HYDRA. So, they grabbed the strongest, Y/N and Kalevi. Magneto's and Phoenix's altered genes, to kill the other ones. Things were going as the plan, until Y/N refused to kill her friends, so Hydra didn't want to kill her, not at all she was powerful, but they didn't want her to think, so they tooked her away from me, they erased her again.

Once more she returned to kill, but one day made the difference, this simple day, when we were on a mission, someone shot her on the left leg and she remembered everything, her mother, her friends, for her luck I was with her, but we forgot the comm's, everyone was listening to her memories. I tried to calm her down, but she was panicked, she was crying, confused, frightened she didn't knew what to do, and as I was going to told her tu runaway, two agents from Hydra took her away violently, she screamed and I saw how the dragged her once again from the field, but this time something made my heart break. 

"Vater! Hilf mir!" she screamed all the way to the jet and her voice echoed in my brain. 

I tried to go after her, I tried to stop them, but other agents stopped me, I fought them to rescue her and then Yelchin came back. He had a damn smile on his face and he knelt to look at me. Blood boiled inside me as I listened to his words full of venom.

"Stop fighting for her, Günther, she's just an experiment," his damn proud tone of voice.

After the mission I arrived to the facility, looking for her, and I saw her, barely alive in a cage, like an animal. She was broken in all the meaning of the word and I knew she couldn't stay here anymore. I went to the main room and upload every single file from her, maybe Tony, will find her that way. It was a matter of weeks when the facility was on alert of incoming objects and Tony tooked her. And then, I escaped too. 

I looked at Alexander, he was so lost on his memories, and I realized he has tears on his eyes, trapped in there but then I knew, he saw her as his daughter.

"She's... She's in coma" I said and when the word left my mouth I felt akward and fearful, maybe that wasn't the thing he wanted to hear.

He looked at me, angry, confused?, and I explained again, this time he was a little angry for sure.

"But, she's making progress, she's fine" I said trying to chill again, the lest I wanted was an ex- Hydra assassin to kill me.

"She's in coma and you think she's fine?" He said with an angry frown.

I thought to myself to not talk about her anymore, at least her health, he was going to get angrier with every word about it.

"She's strong, that's for sure. Do yo, want...to see her?" I asked even more awkwardly, and I didn't knew if I was doing the right thing, but then, those words made him shift his eyes from anger to hope.

He nodded with his head and I grabbed my phone to show him some videos about her, and couldn't help it but smile at her and then I heard him sob. I turn my face to look at him, he was smiling, he couldn't believe his eyes. He looked at every video about her and he was crying of happiness, she really was his daughter, 14 years together, he saw her in the worst era and now, she was alive, in every sense of the word. When there was no other thing about her, he got up.

"You gotta leave, now" Alexander said with a serious voice. 

"What?-why?" I got up too, grabbing the notebook and the pen.

"Hydra. They are coming for you, they saw us in the bar, they'll arrive at 1:00 pm. leave now" He said as a command. 

"What about you?" I asked him, it could be the last time I saw him, so maybe I could do something for him.

"I'll escape again, don't worry about it. Remember, if Hydra it's good at something, it's at disappearing people, even themselves" he said with a sad smirk.

 I nodded with my head but before I went to grab my thing he held my bicep.

"Take care of her, Rogers" he said in a 'dad voice' like Tony's one, if it wasn't a serious time I would've for sure laugh, but I didn't. And then he leaved the flat and I hurried to grab my things. 

"What?, what do you mean you're coming back?!" I heard Bucky in the other side of the line, of course he was worried.

"Well things went a little unexpected, but I have all the information we need" I assured them.

"Steve" Bucky said in a warning voice.

"What? I mean, somehow they knew I was there, I got an anonym call, okay?" I said trying to make Bucky relax a bit.

"Hell. But, you're okay?" Bucky asked with a relief.

"Yeah, I mean I played a scientist, what could've possible went wrong?" I said with a chuckle.

"I'll not fight you right now about that, actually, I have to leave, things went pretty messy around here" Bucky said with another chuckle.

"Fine. See you at evening" I said with a smile and then Bucky said his goodbyes.

I was waiting inside the plane, by luck, I was the only one on the row, so it was more comfortable. I decided it will be better to relax myself a little so I took out the notebook, I was looking for a page in blank when I saw the sheet Alexander used. The way he remembered Y/N was marvelous, her eyes had that spark, her hair, after all this time he still thought about her, down the portrait was written something in german, I didn't bat an eye and I started drawing in other sheet.

8 hours later I found myself in the elevator of the Avengers facility, damn I was so tired, the plane wasn't the most comfortable to sleep and all I wanted was my bed, but then again, I have this urge to see her, so I pressed the button to her now 'bedroom', so of course, I skipped the main room, but I guessed that F.R.I.D.A.Y. announced my arriving anyway.

I grab my baggage and I walk to her room, I stop in the door, I didn't know what I wanted to see. I held a massive breath and I walk in. Of all the things in the world this is the most unexpected things, my eyes are looking at an empty bed, my heart is racing like a stallion, my breath is caught in my throat and for sure my eyes are going to explode.

WHERE IS SHE?!?!?!?!? is the only thought I have in mind. My bags fell to the floor as I ran to the elevator once again.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y.! Where's Tony?!" I asked frightened by the possibles answers.

When all of this happen? Where was she? Why isn't she on the bed? She didn't have any progress? what the fuck was happening?

"Mr. Stark it's waiting for you in the main room, Captain Rogers" The A.I said, and God I was even more confused.

Tony was going to give me the bad news? Why he was waiting for me?

The elevator stopped at the main room and I practically ran screaming for Tony, and then he was there, holding a Bourbon in one hand while the other was inside his pocket.

"What has gotten into you Rogers? you missed me that bad?" he said with his shitty playful smile, but WHY??? why he was acting that way, his daughter wasn't where she was supposed to be.

"Where's Y/N?!" I asked with my eyes wide open.

"Y/N..." Tony said while looking at the glass on his hand and he deny with his head.

"Tony" I warn him, I was trying to believe that this wasn't true, she wasn't dead.

"Y/N was actually making a great progress, you know a month ago..." he said with a sad smile.

"Tony" I warn him again, I was looking at every move he was making, and then I realised he only takes that Bourbon on that expensive glasses when he's really happy, so why he was using them?

"I guess, sometimes you find the answer when you turn around"  Tony said with a smirk before sipping from his glass.

I'm more confused now, but after hearing at Tony I turn around and-

"STEVE!" It's all I heard before I feel a body wrapped around my body, legs on my waist, arms around my neck, head on my chest... I only let someone do that and that someone is

"Oh my god, Y/N?" I say, I have to look down at her face and there she was smiling like a sunshine, alive, awake, cheerful, it was my Y/N.

"Yes you dork, I've missed you so much" she said, but still she doesn't unwrap herself from me. I don't mind at all, I love to feel her chest against mine, her hands tugging at the hair of my neck.

"But, what the-" the said after she noticed something weird about me, she unwrap herself this time and the face she made when she saw mine, was too hilarious to be true.

Her eyes are wide, her mouth it's open, she simply can't believe her eyes, shes scanning me, every inch of myself. I was trying so hard not to laugh, I had a lot of feelings inside me right now, I wanted to kiss her and never let her go, I wanted to cry for excitement, but I was mostly happy to have my Y/N back.

"Jesus mother of god, your hair, oh my god, your beard" she said, her had came to my face, she touched the things she said with tenderness, like I was going to break in any second.

"Your hair is darker, oh my Steve" she said, her eyes still scanning me, searching for other changes on me, her hand rested on my cheek and I lean in her touch, is soft, warm, just how I remembered.

"You don't like it?" I asked her, afraid that she might not like 'Christopher Pace'

"Steve my love, you can be bald and still I'll always love you, but this is too much. This is-" she said with soft in her eyes. "This is something I could totally don't fight to change" she said with a chuckle and it makes my heart go full speed.

"So you like it" I reaffirmed her statement and she answers with a 'I love it'.

"If you're going to act like crazy love birds, please just go away, I don't wanna see this" Tony said with a role of his eyes, and she didn't think twice when she grabbed my hand to go to our room.

In matter of seconds we arrive there, and it was simply to show her how much I missed her, hell of course we weren't going to leave that room in days.

#captain america #Steve Rogers #captain america x reader #captain america fic #captain america fanfic #captain america fanfiction #steve rogers fic #steve rogers fan fic #steve roger x reader #steve rogers x reader #tony stark x reader #tony stark fanfic #tony stark fic #tony stark serie #tony stark fanfiction #tony stark #Avengers #avengers x reader #avengers fic #avengers fanfiction #avengers fanfic #clint barton x reader #tchalla x reader #sam wilson x reader #thor odinson x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #bruce banner x reader #vision x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #bucky barnes x reader

[jedifighterpilot2727]

Kara introduces Lena to Eliza

All of your comments and kudos - here and on AO3 and ff.n - are literally the best! every time I get a comment I squeal and do a happy dance! You guys are the reason I do this! otherwise I would just stick to working on half finished novels!Meet the Mom Read it on Ao3 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/9100903/chapters/21392348  

She isn’t nervous.

Not at all.

Eliza Danvers is a doctor of biochemistry, and Lena employs dozens of biochemists. Hell, she practically is a biochemist.

She is not going to be intimidated by the woman.

Besides, she’s already met the holographic AI of Alura In-Ze, as completely terrifying as that was, so why would she possibly be nervous about meeting Eliza?

AI Alura has Alura’s voice and form and memories, but at the end of the day, she’s still an AI - something with which Lena had plenty of experience with. She’s comfortable with that. Logically, she knows that no matter how advanced the technology, AI Alura is not Kara’s mother.

Eliza Danvers is a different story.

Every piece of information that she had looked up on the woman points to her being a level-headed, brilliant scientist, who loves both of her daughters very much.

In fact, based on Alex and Kara’s descriptions, Eliza is an excellent mother who expects nothing but greatness out of her children but also provides them with unconditional love and support. Alex loves to tell the story of her mother’s reaction when she had came out - about how she had already known and was completely fine with it. And every time Supergirl is in the national news for one of her exploits, Eliza always sends both of the girls “Good job, be safe” texts.

She may not have been Kara’s biological mother, but she had raised her, and she is a mother above all else. A GOOD mother; and that is something that Lena had not had any experience with. Her biological mother had abandoned her, and Lilian had been full of emotional abuse and manipulation -

The thought of having to interact with an emotionally supportive, caring, thanksgiving meal cooking; mother, is enough to send Lena into panic mode.

“Is my hair okay?”  she questions Kara as she runs a hand through her locks for what seems like the hundredth time.

“Your hair is perfect, babe, but if you don’t stop; you’re going to pull it all out.” Kara’s hand reaches for hers, and the Superhero’s fingers lace through hers so she can’t pull away.

“You have nothing to be nervous about, Eliza is going to love you.“

“Wha if she doesn’t though, what if she hates me? What if she’s completely appalled that you’re dating a Luthor and she kicks me out of the house?”

“She wouldn’t do that, besides, she’s known I was dating a Luthor for a while now - she figured it out when I couldn’t stop talking about you.“

“But what if she hates my outfit? Or my hair? Or my make up? Or thinks I talk too much? Or-”

“Lena.”

Kara’s soft but firm voice cuts her off.

“What’s really going on?“

She’s tempted to lie, to make up some excuse about a  big business deal or bad sushi; but as she looks into Kara’s blue eyes she feels that inexplicable tug - the one that makes her want to spill all of her worries and fears and deepest, darkest secrets because she knows that Kara will never be anything but supportive.

She takes a deep breath.

“Mothers and I just don’t have the best track record.”

“Oh, Lena.”

She can tell that Kara wants to say more, wants to offer some words of comfort or reassurance, but her girlfriend stays silent, encouraging her to continue with wide eyes.

“It’s - well - “ She tries sort her thoughts in her head, tries to dig down to find a way to say what’s really bothering her.

“My birth mother never even gave me a chance before she disappeared, and Lillian always had very specific standards that I could never live up to; what if Eliza’s the same way? I don’t necessarily expect her to love me right away, but I love you and I want to be around for a long time, and it would just be really awkward if she didn’t like me. What if her disapproval slowly starts to break our relationship down and then I lose you? There’s a lot riding on this meeting.“

Kara is silent, and Lena knows she’s taking the time to really process what Lena has told her.

“My loving you,” She begins, squeezing Lena’s hand. “Is not going to change based on what Eliza thinks of you. Neither is Alex loving you, or Maggie, or Winn, or James, or J’onn - none of that is going to change. I promise. She could absolutely despise you and we would all still be in your corner 100%. I promise. Do you believe me?”

Lena nods, because Kara has never given her a reason not to trust her; and even if her insecurities are whispering at her that all of her fears are valid, she believes Kara.

The smile Kara gives her in return is blinding.

“Good, because let me tell you, Eliza is going to love you. You’re smart and kind and funny -not to mention drop dead gorgeous. Plus you make tech that keeps me safer, keeps Alex safer - it’s like, in the mom code for her to love you. Hating you would be like moms hating seat belts or bicycle helmets. “

Lena laughs at that, and she loves that, loves that Kara can make her smile even when she’s feeling horrible.

“You meet the most important criteria too.”

“Which is?“

“I love you. And you make me ridiculously happy.”  Kara tugs her forward by their joined hands and places a soft kiss on Lena’s forehead.

Lena lets herself sink into it, feels all of her stress melt away - well most of it. Theres still a niggling fear that all of this is about to come crashing down but she forces herself to ignore it.

Kara pulls away just as the door opens, a tall, middle aged blonde woman standing on the other side.

“Are you going to bring your girlfriend inside or make her stand out in the cold all night? We don’t all have alien body temperature like you.”

Her tone is teasing and light and a blush rises on Kara’s cheeks.

“I didn’t even realize it was cold!“

“It’s alright, I’ve got hot chocolate waiting for you.”

“Yess!” Kara pumps her fist in the air and drags Lena inside with her.

The house is warm cozy, family pictures littering the wall in the foyer. She spots one of herself and Kara, wondering where Eliza had gotten it before she realizes that Alex or Kara must have sent it to her. It gives her a weird sort of fuzzy feeling to think that a woman she hasn’t even met has deemed her worthy enough of a picture frame, just because she’s dating her daughter.

“Lena, this Eliza; Eliza this is -“

“Lena.” Eliza interrupts Kara, placing her hands on Lena’s shoulders. “I am so happy to meet you, I have heard so much about you! If I somehow know creepy personal facts about you it’s only because Kara talks about you constantly. I think she might even like you more than potstickers.”

Kara blushes again, and Eliza laughs.

“If you think that’s embarrassing, you just wait until I pull out the old photo albums and show her the pictures from middle school.“

“I would love to see those, actually!” Lena laughs, despite her nerves, and allows Eliza to pull her into the kitchen.

“I have so many good stories from when Kara first came to earth that I have just been dying to tell you! But first I want to talk about the new L-Corp preliminary product release information I was reading. Did you really develop a synthetic blood substitute? That could completely change the face  of modern medicine. I did a project back in college . . . .”

Eliza continues, going over her research; and they spend ten minutes going over the biological makeup of plasma before Lena looks up to see Kara grinning knowingly at her over her mug of hot chocolate.

Maybe Eliza would be the one to break Lena’s bad luck with mothers after all.

#supercorp #supergirl #fanfiction #fanfic #kara danvers #lena luthor #eyes like kryptonite