Dinner and a Play
Gen/Fluff/Crack/1250 words/on ao3/Series (2k words) starts here
For @carnelianmeluha, thanks to @best-wishes and @mallory-x for beta reading!
“So?” Hob asked, “what did you think of the play?”
The family settled around the table in the restaurant and Dream accepted the menus from the waitress. Family. They were a family now. I mean, Hob thought, they had been together. In some sense. But now they were raising a child together. Wow. Social Media. The collective consciousness. What does that even mean?
Tift glared at their menu and stabbed a finger at one of the items. “Mac and cheese is for babies and old people, like Facebook. Why is it on here?”
Dream sighed. “Facebook, and mac and cheese, are for everyone who want them. There are other ways to prepare mac and cheese besides Kraft dinner, you know.”
“I know! Find a recipe and pin it! Pinterest is like Shepherd’s Pie, you know, all sorted.”
“Would you like the shepherd’s pie, then?” Hob asked.
“No! Pinterest is boring! Don’t eat the rice and beans,” Tift stabbed a finger at the menu again, objecting to the Coconut Rice and Black Beans with Cilantro. “It will give you a stomach ache because of the Melon.”
“But there’s no melon in there?” Hob wondered what they were on about.
“Melon! M…Elon! Musk melon! Argh!” Tift threw the menu down and grabbed their head. “Rice and beans is like Twitter because it’s small little pieces! I have a stomach ache from the Melon!”
“Okay, not the rice and beans, and stay away from Twitter, got it. Is there something there you would like?” Hob remained patient, as pushing preteens usually resulted in the opposite of the desired effect. Tift glanced over at the menu lying askew across the table.
“Not the chicken lasagne! It looks like the threads in Reddit! That’s a headache! Go to Tumblr!”
“Is Tumblr better?” Dream inquired. “Is there something on the menu which reminds you of Tumblr?”
Tift grabbed the menu again and scanned it, flipping pages and muttering. “Chicken Mushroom Strudel. Picture perfect! Instagram-ready! Looks good enough to eat! Mushrooms, mushrooms, Stuffed Mushrooms, like TikTok, container consistent, content contrasting! You’ve been scrolling for a long time, it’s time to take a break and drink some water!” The waitress had just brought ice water, and Tift grabbed a glass and downed half of it. Suddenly a bit calmer, they turned another page and looked at the picture.
“Yes! Dauphinoise Potatoes! So many thin little layers like a Tumblr post!” They looked up at Hob with a sigh of relief and requested politely, “I’d like the Dauphinoise Potatoes, please.”
“Of course!” Hob relayed the order to the waitress, deciding to try the same dish, while Dream ordered the chicken mushroom strudel. (“The interwoven pastry is like the strands of a story,” he explained sheepishly to Hob.)
They handed over the menus and Hob decided to try again with the after-play discussion, hoping Tift would remain calm.
“So, what did you think of The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen's Guild Dramatic Society's Production of Macbeth?” Hob watched Dream consider his answer, and then noticed that Tift was becoming agitated again. Their tone and expression altered drastically with each sentence as they spouted contradictory nonsense.
“Farndale, as a play, is cheap and nasty!” they said, scowling. “A delightful piece of dribble!” they exclaimed with a smile. “No social consciousness, just women from an estate doing Macbeth really badly,” they complained tetchily. “The cast appear to be having a ball in this play within a play!” they said enthusiastically, face lighting up once more. “No nuance or subtlety here,” they criticized with a furrowed brow. “This is a light-hearted, nicely presented, fun show!” The smile in their voice was reflected in their face, and then it fell as they continued grumpily, “It’s not an especially thoughtful or imaginative premise, and it shows.” Like a comedy-tragedy mask, they flipped again. “Very entertaining and a pleasant way to while away an afternoon or evening!” Tift looked at Dream in distress, pleading for help with their eyes as their mouth ran on.
Dream took their hands in his and held their gaze.
“It’s okay, Social Media. It’s okay. It can be overwhelming, but you can control it. It feels like a swarm of bees attacking you, doesn’t it?”
Tift nodded frantically, tears swamping their eyes. Dream nodded confirmation and reassurance.
“Hold it in your mind and take a step back. Remember you are a person, separate from your function. Step back from it until it is a cloud, apart from you, that you can see the whole of.”
Hob beamed at Dream. He’d worked so hard to get Dream to see himself as a person, separate from his function, and watching that pay off in Dream’s ability to help Tift was enormously gratifying. Dream gave him a small smirk and returned his attention to the child before him.
The fear had drained from their face, replaced by a look of fierce concentration.
“Oh! Oh! Yes! I got it! I can see it all!” A huge sigh of relief was followed by an expression of pure joy.
“Excellent,” Dream affirmed, “now choose what you would like to say.”
Tift glanced back at Hob, remembering the original question about the play. They stared into space, the same way Dream did when he was scanning dreams or stories for a bit of information. Then they smiled and addressed Hob clearly.
“I enjoyed the play! It was very silly, but it got the gist of Macbeth across in a light and entertaining manner. I’m glad we went! Thank you for recommending it!”
Hob turned his fullest smile on Tift now. “I’m happy you loved it, and I’m so proud of you for managing your function the way you did just now! The play is one of my favourite versions, because it mocks that Shaxberd so very cornily.” Dream broke out laughing at that, briefly drawing the attention of the other diners with his exuberant, raucous, unusual laughter.
“You never will let up on the Bard, will you, Hob?” he asked once he caught his breath.
Hob winked. “I guess I could let this one go. He’s long gone, and I won, after all.”
Tift looked between them. “I think there’s a story you need to tell me.”
Hob began an enthusiastic rendition of his meeting with Dream in 1589 as their meals arrived. Dream’s chicken mushroom strudel smelled amazing, and Hob saw him smile slightly in pleasure as he took the first bite. Tift tore eagerly into their daupinoise potatoes, and Hob enjoyed the delightful aroma of creamy potatoes, Gruyère cheese, garlic, thyme, a hint of nutmeg (and was that a note of rosemary?) rising from his own serving as he regaled them with his tale of love pursued and lost to art.
When the waitress came back with dessert menus, Hob wondered if Tift would do better this time. And in fact, they did.
“I’d like the baklava,” they said politely to the waitress, and in a quiet aside to Hob, “because it’s also like Tumblr.” When Hob chose the gorgeous pavlova topped with summer fruit and Dream ordered the same, they restrained themself to quietly pointing out that “pavlova is like Snap because the meringue melts away in your mouth.”
Well, thought Hob, having everything likened to different social media apps wasn’t that different from Dream’s habit of seeing the narrative storyline in everything. If this was his life now, he thought fondly, he could get used to it.
----
Notes: From Best-wishes, the official recipe for gratin dauphinois from the website of the "dauphiné" region.
And also, CarnelianMeluha’s recipe (see the link called potato) and instructions for making it! (The description in the fic is based on this version.)
The Farndale Avenue Housing Estate Townswomen's Guild Dramatic Society's Production of Macbeth is a real play, which I have seen and enjoyed. The sentences I used in the comedy-tragedy section were entirely lifted from these two reviews:
https://thetab.com/uk/london/2014/03/15/review-the-farndale-avenue-housing-estate-townswomens-guild-dramatic-societys-production-of-macbeth-12821 (negative review)
https://www.stagewhispers.com.au/reviews/farndale-avenue-macbeth (positive review)
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"Do you have to wear the suit at the table?"
"What's wrong with it?"
"You mean apart from the fact that it smells like boiled piss?"
"That's hurtful."
"The question stands."
"Okay, you know how the life support system is equipped to support the wearer's respiration and circulation in emergencies?"
"I do."
"Well, I got pretty shot up out there last mission."
"You mean–"
"My armour is currently performing 80% of my biological functions."
"Jesus."
"I'm flattered, but I don't think I qualify – I was only clinically dead."
"I meant–"
"I know what you meant."
"So what are you going to do?"
"Docbot says I can take it off without dying again in six to eight weeks."
"Well, I guess that's our breakfast plans shot."
"What do you mean?"
"You can't exactly eat bacon and eggs without taking your helmet off, can you?"
"I can't, no, but the suit can."
"It can?"
"You, uh, might want to look away for this part."
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Chez Molerat VS Dine 'n Crime - MENU
"KP! BIG SITCH! DIRE SITCH! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED!"
"Ron, calm down. Breathe in...,"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"You can breathe out no--"
"DRAKKEN OPENED A CAFÉ ACROSS THE STREET FROM BUENO NACHO AND HE'S TRYING TO GET THEM TO GO OUT OF BUSINESS SO HE CAN RENT THEIR BUILDING AND WE HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!!."
"Wait--, slow down; Drakken opened a Café?"
"COME ON AND TAKE A LOOK FOR YOURSELF!"
At long last, I have finally finished this massive project!
I got inspired by those 'anime pop-up restaurants', Disney park foods and themed cafés and I wanted to try and take my own spin on it with a Kim Possible themed menu!
To save you all some travel ticket money to my house, I've written down the recipes/links to all of these food items so you can make these yourself in real life!
The food items are all based on things I've eaten/made before and I hope that my picks are to your liking!
DRINKS:
Quench your thirst, and OBEY: [coming soon]
The Ronfactor: [coming soon]
It's 'juiced' you: [coming soon]
She's got the green magic: [coming soon]
MAIN DISHES:
The Naco: [coming soon]
Basic average meal: [coming soon]
Dumpling: [coming soon]
I.H.O.A.T.: [coming soon]
What is that? That tasty thing!: [coming soon]
DESSERT:
El Presidente: [coming soon]
Shego's vacay: [coming soon]
Camel turtle brownies: [coming soon]
What's the sweets?: [coming soon]
BON APPETITE!
(NOTE: This is the master post so this post won't be rebloggable until I finished posting all recipes!)
Massive thanks to @bcbdrums, @gothicthundra, @selfox, @creatorping and @legendary-guest for talking with me during the process of this project!
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