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#fkn end poverty because why not
mzcain27 · 3 years
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I’m gonna start fighting billionaires, if I win I get their money
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psychedeliksiren · 7 years
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So today I received quite a rude, out-of-character text from my brother when I asked if I could get picked up. He said maybe I should “accomplish something” in my life like getting home on my own and “oh wait, you’re 22 and you don’t even know how to drive.” I will be truthful, I do ask to be picked up pretty often if I can’t get any other way home or I’m feeling really tired. So I guess maybe he’d had enough, but a simple “No, I don’t feel like it.” would have sufficed. Okay, so I am 22, and no, I don’t have my license, but fuck that is not at all from lack of trying. Unfortunately there have been several gigantic hurdles in my life that I have had to overcome that have in turn prevented me from being able to have my license. The legal age for learner drivers in Australia is 16. I was so pumped to get my license! All of my friends were older than me so of course they had their licenses sooner, and that just got me more excited and eager to get mine so I could be on par with them. But two months before my 16th birthday, my mother kicks me out of home because I was raped and had my virginity stolen from me, and basically she didn’t know how to deal with it. If that’s not punishment enough, when my birthday comes round and I’m ready to go sit my driving test, she decides to withhold all of my identification documents, which of course I needed to get my license. She had some warped idea in her head that my dad was gonna take me to Canada and I’d never come back. As much as that sounded fucking great cause being where I was was hell, I honestly just wanted to get my license. So I completely missed that boat. I did manage to obtain enough identification eventually as my dad got me a new birth certificate and passport, but by this stage I was deep in a black pit of depression and was really stressed about my HSC so I guess I didn’t want to add to that, and also dad would always complain whenever he had to drive, so I figured he wouldn’t want to take me driving even if he did have time. Probably no the best excuse, but being in my head then was a fucking nightmare. At 18 I moved to Brisbane and was flat broke, plus had no one who could teach me even if I could afford a license. I completely lost focus of ever getting my license after a while because all that occupied my thoughts was surviving until the next pay check. I was stuck in a cycle of poverty and being abused in every sense by my boyfriend at the time. Eventually I got out of there and moved down to Sydney...with my mum. The very woman who abandoned me at my greatest time of need. But it was either suck it up or die because I was weeks away from ending my life. My first hurdle in moving was making up with my mum. I still had so much resentment within me, I still harbour some to this day, but I had to make an effort if I wanted to live peacefully. The next hurdle was ridding my abusive ex from my life which took fucking months after actually leaving him. The next was to heal my psychological and emotional health after years of abuse and high stress from always worrying about survival. So I worked through it, and I’m still working through it, and damn it’s taking a lot of time but I’m getting there. I made an incredible friend here whom I love dearly. He always encourages me and pushes me to be better and do better. Even though I don’t always succeed, he congratulates me on my efforts and is always proud of me. He kept biting at my heels until I eventually got my license and he was so fkn excited for me when I did that he took me driving straight away in his manual car. It was fucking terrifying and I did not so great, but he was proud of me and made me feel like I could do anything. We drove together a few times, and I got some lessons, and my mum even took me driving sometimes. I was clocking up hours and it was great. Tension grew between my friend and I and we’ve unfortunately drifted a part, though we still have each other’s backs. I stopped being able to afford driving lessons every pay check as I’m saving to move to Canada. Mum stopped giving me the time of day to go out driving. So now I’ve just stopped because I have no way to practice, or none that I can think of. There have been a few things before my brother’s text today that have made me feel like fucking shit for not having my license. I’ve had my uncle and grandmother go off at me for not having it and I should “just get one of your boyfriends” to help me get my hours -_- (I’m single as shit). I’ve had my brother’s friends say that I’m “not really successful” because I don’t have a license and I haven’t gone to uni, as if those two things fucking determine my worth. And then my brother’s message tonight was kinda the cherry on top. I have worked my fucking ass off to get to where I am today. My life has been fucking hard with endless obstacles I’ve had to jump over. I’ve never had anything handed to me on a silver platter, though my siblings seem to think otherwise. I’ve been suffering from mental illness for 10 years, I was abused for 3 years, I was raped and molested, I was abandoned by my own mother, I’ve been through a lot of shit and I’ve tried really hard not to let it burden me and stop me from doing everything I want to. Now in my life, I am doing everything I want to do. There’s definitely still some more changes I’d like to make, but overall I have come so far in 2 short years and I am so proud of myself. I think I’m successful, I think I’ve accomplished great things. There’s still more I’d like to do, still more places I’d like to see, but fuck I’m taking huge steps forward. Isn’t that enough? Isn’t it enough that I’ve grown immensely as a person? Isn’t it enough that I’m making my dreams come true? Isn’t it enough that I’m winning the battles of my life? What’s having a uni degree? What’s having a license?? Why would those things matter in the great scheme of things right now in my life? Sure, I’m not gonna sit on my ass all my life and expect people to always drive me wherever I want. I’m getting my license when I move to Canada because the system is months there vs. years here. I will study at university eventually once I figure out what I want to do with my life. But for now, my main focus is on taking the steps required so I can live my dream of traveling the world, perfecting the 3 languages I’m learning, and growing more successful as an artist. I think that sounds pretty successful and accomplished if you ask me.
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