john saying he's known abt sam and the other special children for "awhile" in 2x01
and the demon calling him out saying he's been "playing dumb" like uhh, how he got mad at dean for not calling him (they did) to tell him that all this psychic stuff was happening with sam when john was literally at missouri's house when they were visiting and she directly told john abt sam's abilities.
but also, he's definitely known for much longer imo, and if you take the john journal companion book as canon / semi-canon then it definitely supports the idea that john Knew to some extent about sam's abilities:
these are just two passages from '91 but there are others about how demons are after sam, how sam is special. and if john was hearing this stuff abt sam in '91, there's no way he didn't start digging into things more over the years.
other people have spoken abt headcanons that john was even hunting other special children over the years. which brings me to the crunchy, tastey, AU that i've been rotating around in my mind this morning where john's not only been hunting the thing that killed mary all these years, but also been busy unraveling the sam-psychic-children plot by hunting, kidnapping, and studying other Special Children.
In this AU john isn't as incompetent as he is in canon lmao. In the 20+ years since mary's death he's discovered a whole lot, including his Men of Letters roots. In fact, he discovered the bunker and that's been his "home base" and Special Children Experimentation Lab for years. He's been studying all sorts of things. Watching footage of old MoL experiments. He connected the dots: mothers died in fires at 6 months, kids grew up to develop psychic abilities. He knows the same fate is waiting for sam and john thinks he can fix sam. He has to! That's his son. He won't let his son become some kind of supernatural thing, some kind of monster. In true john fashion he justifies all his actions as an act of love. He's trying to protect sam. Because demons are after these special children. Because these children have been corrupted. He's helping them, actually.
So john conducts experiments to try to draw out the demon blood, to purify them. Similar to how sam later tries to turn crowley human and also forcefully purifies demon dean. It's a very juicy parallel. And it draws on how sam and john hold many similar black-and-white views abt good and bad + what makes someone a monster, and how sam internalized a lot of these ideas re: becoming a monster and how the demon blood led to an obsession with "becoming pure."
John spends more and more time away from the boys, spends so much time tracking down these special children and studying them. Why does his revenge quest take over 20 yrs? Why does it seem like he's nowhere near close to tracking down Azazel until s1 rolls around? Because he's been spending so many years on this subplot. Because in his mind this is him being a good father, this is him looking out for his kids, particularly sam. He's doing all this for sam.
But then, John's never able to find a cure. And then he catches Azazel's trail again and he's off on that hunt. He "goes missing." Sam starts developing psychic powers, just as john always feared. John's aware of all this happening but still projects onto dean, still blames dean for not informing him of something he's known abt for years at this point. John's terrified because he's failed. He hasn't been able to save sam, and now sam might turn into a monster. He might go "dark side" and john can't let that happen. But he also can't kill him. He doesn't have the guts, so he puts that burden on Dean. And he trades his life for Dean's to ensure that someone will be there to carry out John's mission. Either find a way to save Sam, or kill the monster he becomes.
Edit to add two more excerpts from John's journal:
in the canon that includes this journal, john definitely was aware to some extent of sam being Special (or other people insisting he is) and he has been keeping an eye out for any strangeness manifesting in sam and worrying about sam's strange dreams and his bottled up emotions becoming dangerous
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wring you dry
pairing: nb!Tav/Astarion
rating: T
word count: 1,942
description: A few days after Astarion's first taste of Xarrai's blood and a tenday after the Nautiloid crash, he comes looking for another drink. They don't make it easy for him.
more context: Xarrai is a tiefling bard and courtesan with the charlatan background, and an escaped Banite cultist. Any pronouns are fine (though I stick with they/them here for clarity.)
ao3 link: here
Xarrai wades into the water up to their waist and shudders with the pleasant pain of its coolness, wine-dark skin prickling to gooseflesh in the moonlight. Even the tributaries of the Chionthar run strong in high summer, still fed by the inland snowmelt and springs like the one above their camp, and they feel the flexing muscles of the current tug at their legs, their hips - not enough to drag them under, but enough to tempt them out, deeper into the reflection of the star-flecked sky. This, at least, is a comfort - even miles from Baldur's Gate, the Chionthar still runs, still pulls and tugs and tempts, still lives. If they had to land beside any river, they think as they drag their fingertips across the rippled surface like the strings of their lyre, they are glad it was theirs.
With a shiver, they disappear beneath the dark water. For a single crystal moment they float there, knees drawn up to their chest, hair wrapping around their horns in black tendrils, eyes shut tight against the cold. All of it is gone - the abduction, the tadpoles, the druids' grove, the goblins, the vampire - all of it dissolved in the cold, clear water. They hold their breath until their lungs burn and let their mind be blissfully, achingly still.
keep reading on ao3
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2/20- After 5 hours of massaging at work today, I was tired and wanted to skip the gym, but that's when discipline comes in! Showed up and did my upper body workout for today 💪
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what are the 7 habits of highly effective people ?
Habit 1: Be Proactive - Rather than placing the blame on other forces, accept accountability for your decisions and deeds.
Habit 2: Start with the end in mind - Establish your objectives and aspirations so that they will direct your choices and actions.
Habit 3: Put First Things First: To efficiently accomplish your goals, prioritize your chores according to priority rather than urgency.
Habit 4: Think Win-Win - Look for solutions in partnerships and relationships that will benefit both parties.
Habit 5: Try to Understand First, Then to Be Understood: Before attempting to be understood, engage in active listening and empathy.
Habit 6: Synergize - Recognize the power of cooperation and teamwork to accomplish more than you could by working alone.
Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw: Always be renewing in terms of your physical, mental, social/emotional, and spiritual aspects.
ebook Master The Art Of Forming HEALTHY HABITS
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