The Popsicle Comparisons
Pyrrha: Jaune’s bigger.
Yang: Waaaaaaay bigger!
Nora: Thicker too.
Weiss: My singing career really helped me take it.
Blake: Took me a few tries, but I can reach the end.
Glynda: I can kiss the tip when I sandwich him.
May: I wanna do that…
Velvet: I love his carrot~!
Ruby: I can’t get my hands around it.
Coco: I can’t keep my hands off of it~!
Cinder: Oh, look, it’s my discipline stick~!
Emerald: Yeah, Daddy’s bigger.
Militia: It was fun when we sandwiched it between us.
Melanie: We have to do that again~!
Neo: 🥰🍆💦
Winter: The limp I got was divine~!
Harriet: I pulled so many muscles that day… Worth it~!
Elm: He picked me up like a twig when we did it.
Salem: My ex-husband was a shrimp compared to him.
Willow: I love how he remodelled me to fit him~!
Kali: I’ve never had a human before, but good gods~!
Raven: And, I thought I was a top~!
Summer: We need to do it again, the timing was off.
Sienna: Pro-Faunas on the streets, Pro-Human in the sheets~!
Terra: I’m gay, but when it comes to, Jaune~!
Robyn: I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t divine.
Fiona: The big bad wolf is coming to ravage the poor defenceless lamb again~!
Jessica: Yellow, my one weakness~!
Jinn: You think you know everything, but then you really know everything~!
RWBY Girls: AHHHHHHHH~!
Saphron: …
Saphron: Dibs. I go next.
RWBY Girls: Eh?!
~~~
RSNM: …
Mercury: D-Did you really…?
Jaune: Yeah…
Ren: A-All of them…?
Jaune: Yep…
Sun: One is surprising enough, but all of them?!
Jaune: Shocking, I know…
Neptune: How did that all happen?!
Jaune: Word of mouth.
Ren: Is that metaphorical, or literal?
Jaune: Yes.
Mercury: How can you manage that?!
Jaune: Semblance.
Ren: So… The whole team?
Jaune: Which ones?
Mercury: The bad girls?
Jaune: A few here, and there.
Ren: The teacher?
Jaune: You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.
Sun: The moms?
Jaune: Not all at once. I think…?
Neptune: The faunas chicks?
Jaune: They tend to bite, and scratch…
Mercury: The green ring girl?
Jaune: I still don’t understand the yellow weakness bit.
Sun: The, Relic?
Jaune: There’s some knowledge for you.
Ren: Your sister-in-law?!
Jaune: Was my first.
Mercury: Your sister?!
Jaune: Another brocon. Joy…
RSNM: …
RSNM:
YOU ARE A GOD!!!
Jaune: …
Jaune: No comment.
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I'm Going to Be a What?! Part 2
Do you know what it means…
Part 1
--------------
Jaune is sunbathing while having an iced tea.
Jaune: This is life~
*Ting*
Neon (Text): Come to my room.
Jaune: Right now?
*Ting*
Neon (Text): YES, RIGHT NOW
Jaune: *Looks around* How de fuck?... Well, let's see what she wants.
After a while, Jaune arrives at Neon's room.
Jaune: Neon, I'm here. What up?
Neon: *Smiles* Do you know if your sister could lend you Adrian's newborn clothes?
She says with her hands behind her back.
Jaune: Is that why you called me?
Neon: Just answer the question.
Jaune: Well... I think so. Why do you ask?
Neon: Cause you're going to be a daddy~
Hearing that, Jaune explodes with laughter.
Jaune: Ahahaha! Yeah right. No seriously, why am I here?
Neon: I'm not joking.
Jaune: *Smiling* Stop playing, just tell me the truth.
Neon: *Serious* I am
Jaune: But we never had....
*Bam!*
Just then Harriet comes into the room, kicking the door open.
Harriet: *Angry* Jaune!
Neon: Oh, she looks mad.
Jaune: *Scared* Y-Yes?!
Harriet: I'm going to kick your ass!
Jaune: Why?! What did I do?!
Harriet: What did you do? This was what you did!
Harriet: You got me pregnant, asshole!
Jaune: WHAT?! HOW?!
Harriet: You know damn well how, you jerk!
Elm: *Comes in* What's going on here?
Jaune: *Hides behind her* Elm help me! Harriet wants to kick my ass!
Harriet: Stay out Elm. He deserves this for knocking me up.
Elm: Wait, you too?
Jaune: *Moves away* "You too?" Are you saying that you are...
Elm: Yes, I'm pregnant. All thanks to you, honey~
Neon: *Excited* Oh my god! Congratulations!
Elm: *Smiles* Thank you.
Jaune: *Worry* Three pregnant women? How did this happen?
Elm: Well, it was to be expected after several… "sessions"
Jaune: But I have never-!
Robyn: *Interrupts him* Jaune, we need to talk. *Says in a serious tone*
They all turn to see her, they realized that she and her friend Fiona entered the room without them noticing.
Harriet: *Ready to fight* What do you two want?!
Jaune: Relax, I just came to talk to Jaune about something important.
Elm: And that is?…
Robyn: Jaune...
Jaune: Y-Yes?
Robyn: I hope you are ready to take responsibility. These two babies will need their father.
Jaune: But I haven't- Wait, how do you know you're having twins?
Robyn: I never said I'd have twins. *Looks at Fiona*
Jaune: *He follows her gaze*
Fiona: *Shy* Surprise.
Jaune: *About to faint* Oh God.
Neon: *Supports him* Wow, easy there.
Jaune: I don't understand, how can this happen?
Robyn: Well, to be honest, it was hard not to resist you after you…
She stops talking, blushing at the memory of what happened that night.
Fiona: *Touching her cheeks while she is blushing* You were such an animal~ *giggles*
Jaune: Hold on, what happen?
Sienna: You know very well what happened.
The White Fang leader interrupts as she enters the room through the window.
Neon: Sienna Khan?! What are you doing here?!
Sienna: Nothing important, I just came to pick up...
Sienna: ...my child's father.
Jaune: Wait a minute, this is the first time I've seen you!
Sienna: *Gasp* How can you say that? After having that magical night together.
Jaune: What a magical night?! I do not remember anything about that!
Sienna: I see I'll have to refresh my memory. *She begins to unbutton her pants*
Jaune: What are you doing?! Stop!
*BOMB!*
An explosion appears on the ceiling, blowing a hole in it. From there appears Raven, the leader of the Branwen tribe. She looks angry, you can see how her maiden powers show in her eyes.
Raven: Arc!
Jaune: Oh fuck!
Jaune was about to escape but was stopped by the second in command, Vernal.
Vernal: Where do you think you're going handsome?
Jaune: Please let me go, I don't want to die!
Vernal: Die? Ahahaha! You're wrong, we come to take you to our tribe.
Jaune: Why?!
Raven: Because of this!
Raven: I told you not to come inside.
Jaune: I got my friend's mother pregnant?!
Raven: And Vernal too!
Vernal: Being honest, it was a little my fault. I shouldn't have trapped you with my legs. I don't mind doing it again if you want~
Jaune: Eh?!
*Knock Knock*
Willow: Sorry to bother you. But this is important, Jaune...
Jaune: *Quietly* Please don't say it. Please don't say it. Please don't say it.
Willow: Um... I left my husband like you told me.
Jaune: Oh... *Happy* Good for you.
Willow: Thank you. Now we can live together with our baby.
At that moment Jaune stands up as quickly as possible and runs towards the window, ready to jump to his freedom. He could already feel it, the pure air of freedom. The sweet aroma of irresponsibility. Oh what a good life. Unfortunately he was stop by the telekinetic power of a beloved professor.
Glynda: And where do you think you're going?
Jaune: *Surprise* Professor Goodwitch! What are you doing here?!
Glynda: I came to talk to you in private, but I see that this is no longer necessary. Jaune...
Glynda: I am also pregnant.
Jaune: No!
Glynda: And I already told your mom.
Jaune; NO!!! This is impossible! I have never had sex with any of you! And I can prove it!
Harriet: *upset* And how do you plan to prove your innocence?
Jaune: With this!
At that moment he takes out the relic of knowledge.
Jaune: With a simple question, I could prove my innocence. Jinn!
Jaune mentions the special name, and a beautiful, big, blue woman emerges from the relic.
Jinn: What is your question?
Jaune: Jinn, have I got a woman pregnant? (Hehehe, I will finally prove my innocence)
Jinn: Yes you have impregnated a woman.
Jaune: What?
Harriet: Ha! *She yells, happy that he was wrong*
Jinn: Eleven women in total to be exact.
Jaune: Eleven?! But there are only ten of them.
Jinn: Yes, but with me...
Jinn: ...we are eleven
------------------
Jaune: *Wakes up* AAAAAH!
He looks around and realizes that he is in his room, all alone.
Jaune: Thank god it was just a dream. *Goes back to sleep*
Meanwhile in another room.
Ruby: So he fainted with you girls after getting the news?
Neon: Yeah, we left him in his room to rest a bit. Maybe by the time his mom arrives he won't faint anymore.
Yang: What time is she going to arrive?
Glynda: She will arrive in three hours.
Weiss: We have time to prepare a welcome party. Who wants to help me?
Several girls raising their hands.
Weiss: Let's go then.
Weiss with her group leaves the room.
Cinder: I still don't understand how he doesn't remember what happened.
Salem: I already told you, using your semblance during the "Act" can cause a side effect. In Jaune's case, memory loss.
Elm: Maybe we should film it next time?
Neo: "I love that idea😍. Let's do it!😈"
Blake: *Excited* I'll bring my camera!
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Robyn: So Arc-
Jaune: You can call me “Jaune”. I’ve been here for five months.
Robyn: Well okay. Jaune um… what’s your day like with Fiona.
Jaune: Normal.
Robyn: Really? Nothing’s going on with you two?
Jaune: No. I just help her out. That’s it.
Robyn: Really?
Jaune: Yes.
Somewhere else
Nora: So Fiona. How long have you and Jaune been a couple?
Fiona: We’re not couple. What makes you think that?
Nora: You see him everyday. More than me.
Fiona: He helps me with the orphanage.
Nora: Nothing else?
Fiona: No!
Jaune and Fiona were in the Orphanage.
???: Mr. Arc? Mr. Thyme?
Jaune: What is it Rex?
Rex: Are you and Ms. Thyme a couple?
Fiona: Oh my- Robyn!
Robyn appears only to have May and Nora with her.
Jaune: Nora, you too?!
Nora: Look d-
Jaune: Nora.
Nora: *forgot the kid* Oh.
Jaune: Rex go to your room.
Rex: Okay. *leaves*
Jaune: Now what the hell wrong with you two?
Fiona: Why are you so obsessed with this?
Robyn: Because you two-
May: Look Fiona I been watching you two a lot and I have to admit it’s hard not to believe you’re not dating. In fact, I wouldn’t be surpise to call you both a married couple.
Fiona: Ugh you too May. Seriously wat-
May: You and Jaune do Laundry together.
May: Spend time with kids together.
May: In fact, when Jaune’s training leads him to get hurt, you are the first to drag him to the nursery and patch him up. Even when he tells us “Don’t worry about it.”
May: In fact you two are always in the kitchen together making dinner.
May: And Jaune, boy what Nora told me about you was damn lie. I saw what you did. Slow dancing in the night.
Nora: He was that smooth?
May: Smooth as Micheal Jackson.
Nora: Oh no.
Fiona: Um.
Jaune: Damn.
Nora: Oh yes. Finally. Fuck you Pyrrha! He go get right. *pulls scroll out her pocket and makes a call*
???: Hello.
Nora: Fuck you Weiss. You lose. He found someone better. He found the princess and gone make her his queen.
Jaune: Nora, calm down.
Nora: Fuck off Jaune. This is my victory.
In the twilight.
Pyrrha: Okay bitch, what did I do?
Adam: I mean you left the guy and died a meaningless death like Summer.
Summer: I gave birth to another silver eyed warrior. That has to count.
Hazel: Does she know how to use her eyes though?
Summer: Shut up.
Ironwood: And she destroyed Atlas and got Penny, Vine, Clover and myself killed so she’s kind a misfortune upon us.
Summer: Okay ya’ll need to stop disrespecting my daughter. Ya’ll made mistake.
Ironwood: Or so you say.
Summer: We can fight. We can fight right now James.
Pyrrha: I don’t understand.
Penny: Friend Pyrrha you are the main source of his trauma and pain.
Pyrrha: B-you know what… fuck all you.
Roman: Whoa Invincible Champion, it’s not our fault your ‘boyfriend’ decided to break that little curse you placed on him.
Pyrrha: Oh come on- I’m leaving. I don’t need this.
Summer: My death had meaning. My daughter has a mystery to solve.
Adam: So finally one of your daughters is actually trying to know what happened to you. It’s too bad they have to find the same woman that took one of them many years to find.
Summer: Oh my god.
Roman: Not to mention at least Penny’s death served a purpose. Winter’s alive. She kept thousands of people alive. While your death, Pyrrha, caused more suffering than good.
Pyrrha: You know what who wants to fight first? Who? Cause I’ll show you why they written me off. Name one. Who can body me? Who?! Step up. STEP UP!
Adam: Oh I never run from no challenge. Especially no One-V-One, come on bitch.
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