#finding a place to live sucks

[alsojnpie]

dishes are forever

#I MISSED HAVING A TABLET!!!! #ht papyrus #a gentle touch when you're sad #a menacing touch when it would be funny #he can do it all #LITTLE PRO TIP LIFE HACK THOUGH: IF WASHING DISHES MAKES YOU WANT TO LIVE ON A DIFFERENT PLANET #MAYBE YOU HAVE TOO MANY DANG DISHES #BEING IN A SITUATION WHERE I HAVE 80% FEWER DISHES THAN BEFORE MEANS I DO DISHES MORE OFTEN BUT IT'S SO EASY #AND NOT SOUL SUCKING AT ALL #JUST MY EXPERIENCE!!!!!! THAT'S ALL #I'm sure when i am reunited with my other dishes i will languish in bed staring at this psyching myself up to the task #but i like keeping random jars from food i bought and dishes that i picked up in different places. #they physically remind me of everywhere I've been and sometimes i just look at them and remember where I've been #my favorite is the old ratatouille jar i bought at carrefour in Chengdu #that jarred ratatouille was the nastiest food to grace this earth #i bought it in case it would make a quick easy meal (you don't really find those at the grocery store in China at least not back then) #but even my cheap lazy self couldn't eat it #so no one ever consumed that ratatouille but the jar was pretty big so i put other stuff in it and now it's my dish #and somehow the label is glued on PERMANENTLY it has never washed off after all these years #actually idk maybe it eventually did it isn't here for me to look at but it lasted a long time i know that

[hlxtn]

I AM ALIVE OHMGOD

I FEEL SO HORRIBLE FOR GOING AWOL SO SUDDENLY BUt life really wrecked me over the past few months (it's getting better now so its okay) You can read a part of what happened here

but tldr; my friend fucked me over/scammed me during my most vulnerable period and while trying to get ahold of my personal problems I also had to beg for all my money/stock back from the 'friend'. I've been taking socials one-by-one and tumblr is now next for me to come and answer messages and give updates. I will tackle my inbox in the next two days once I get off from work and can properly focus on giving actual replies. Just wanted to quickly update and say I didn't disappear without a reason and I'm really really sorry about that

#the end of the year as been the worst in my life #i had a close family member die #my dad has some kind of tumor examinations going on rn #had to find a new job #and a new place to live #had to get an abortion #friend scammed me #my other ex friend tried to roofie me at a night out because she wanted my ex and was jealous that we still were civil? #and because my friend ran off with my money i was broke AF #i made sure my cat was fed but brah those were the hardest months for ME #everything is getting on track NOW #so it's okay #im slowly building everything back up #i still struggle a lil mentally and having to juggle the shame of failure and shit but we ballin #writing out some of what's been going on doesnt sound as bad but tackling everything alone kinda builds up and sucks ass #doesnt excuse my disappearance but just saying these things so people get to have an overview to what has been happening

[tswwwit]

Isn't Bill like... Rich rich... Like multi universal rich, if so-

1. Why does he live in dippers shabby apartment/house most of the time

2. Does he help with bills (heh) and financial problems?

3. Imagine reincar!dip being a broke college student that's barely hanging by a thread, and is getting kicked out of his apartment next month, and he's like "man, should I get a sugar daddy or something, where would I even find one, it's not like they appear out of thin air after I turn 18" Sighs and blows out the candle on his 18th birthday candle and Bill literally materializes out of thin air in front of dipper

4. Does he sometimes buy random/weird shit online to annoy dipper with (ex: comically large spoon, those robot dogs/cats, etc)

To invade his personal space and living situation! Generally to be a nosy little pest. Bill prefers to bother his mortal in the limited time he's around rather than hang out in the ol' humdrum of his place, and the run-down shabby hangouts Dipper ends up in are charming in their own Very Dipper kind of way!

Sure does! If he remembers that other bills exist. Not something he has to think about most of the time. Plus, Dipper has an independent streak that's against being too dependent on his husband most of the time, so on occasion he might object to Bill forking out the dough - but he'll suck it up in a bad situation.

A Most Excellent Scenario!

Yes, definitely, absolutely. Novelty is always a plus! It's also neat to buy 'gifts' for Dipper, that are like. Those chocolate bullets where one of them has a habenero center, only this set is all peppers.

#answers #Yeah yeah the Fearamid has unimaginable luxury but man does that get old after a while #An ever-changing array of amenities on a whim is great and all but kind of. #Not sterile. But a bit too pristine. Technically Bill could dirty it up or ruin stuff but it wouldn't be *authentic* #Bill finds Dipper's very normal life oddly fascinating! Plus the amusement of 'slumming it' gives him a kick #New experiences are always welcome #And there's Dipper around which is a Major Plus #Something about Dipper's place is just. Very Cozy. Truly*lived* in in a way you get only when it's Real and not dream-based #Bill's more into it than he would admit though he'd laugh off the suggestion if Dipper ever thought of it #Face it Bill; you've gotten used to being domestic with this one nerdy-ass mortal and the thought of it makes you grimace #Bill all curled up in bed with Dipper and sulking with the blankets pulled up to his chin like he's mad at existence #Because goddamnit these sheets are such low thread count! And the pillow sucks!! But this mortal makes it so.... *comfy* for some reason #Truly Pine Tree is a terrible influence. Time to 'accidentally' shove him out of bed and steal all the blankets

[fizzingwizard]

dear internet stop throwing pictures of beautifully toasted bagels slathered in cream cheese at me i don't have a toaster i don't have room in my teeny kitchenette for a toaster a toaster is a luxury here in japan as are bagels as is cream cheese

bagel places here that ask me "do you want that heated up" make me want to cry tears of joy even though all they mean is they're gonna stick the bagel in the microwave for ten seconds so it's slightly warm-ish but not enough to crisp up or melt the cream cheese a little

#food #closest bagel place to me has two options blueberry bagel or white choco chip #its fortunate that i love blueberry but anyway that shows the general mindset towards bagels here they're sweet snacks more or less #hard to find everything bagel or onion bagel etc #i havent been home since before covid but my primary reason for wanting to is i neeeed a nyc bagel #and real mac n cheese and real grilled cheese #and pasta that isnt spaghetti with something something cream sauce #oh and i really miss american bbq which means it sucks that i'll be going home in winter bahahaha #never expected to stay here as long as i have but otoh food cravings aside what real motivation do i have to live in the us #obvs my parents and i do want to see them and wish we could live close #but as for life in the us itself... living here is so far a lot easier in a multitude of ways #the biggest downside is my being a foreigner. gotta reapply for that visa every few years #and even though i speak japanese every day the business-style japanese of workplaces is totally different so im limited in terms of jobs #aaaand when im home in the us i have the opposite problem... i miss japan and japanese food instead xP #why cant i teleport that'd solve everything #fizz's life #why are people reblogging this??? X'D

[fooltofancy]

i want out of this apartment so, so badly, but we got the email saying we're gonna be receiving renewal documentation this week and having to decide NOW whether i need to figure all of that shit out is. bad.

#i was gonna call them in march lmao #lease ends june 1 like 'we're already getting inquiries' that's great #im already so overwhelmed even thinking about the logistics of finding a place sorting moving options moving utilities moving internet #not to mention the insane financial hurdle of deposit+rent plus moving #weeps #im like. really struggling living here lmao but also at this point i'm really struggling just existing and piling all of that extra bullshi #is not gonna help #i might just. fucking suck it up and stay for the duration that i have to be in this stupid town #idk what im doing after that and idk how long that actually has to be because my work can Not decide how longevity works #weh. #mentally and emotionally compromised #AND i have to see my endo this month #it's all stupid and it's still killing me

[arts-i-enjoy]

AHHHHHH

#this post brought to you by: me #i. applied for a preapproval letter for a mortgage yesterday. and spoke to a realtor to start finding me houses #i want to move several states away which further complicated things. but the houses there are CHEAP #like under 100k for a 2 bedroom move in ready #anyways i got approved for 80k with a 20k down payment. and im FREAKING THE FUCK OUT #and because i got that pre app letter i have a loan officer calling me today to talk #and we literally work at the same bank so i can SEE that hes active and hasnt read my message #even though its been 45 minutes. KEVIN MESSAGE ME BACK. IM NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FOCUS UNTIL I DO THIS CALL #AHHHHHHH S C R E A M. it might happening!!!! i might be finally.mov8ng out in a few months!!! #i mgiht be a HOMEOWNER by the end of the year #i have been saving money for this since i was. 16? 17? #ive had a good well paying job since i was 18. #AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #once i have a house then i start job searching in that area. and start getting really serious about LEAVING my very good job #which is soooo scary. this job was supposed to be my lifelong career. but then everyone fucking moved to other states and left me behind #so theres no point staying here. #i might never have this kind of job security again. #but also my realtor said that theres a lot of bank jobs in that area so maybe itll be easy to find something #on the fence on if i tell my parents that im Making Moves right now #on one hand its hard to not talk about it becuae im STRESSED TF OUT #but on the other hand when i tentatively mentioned the state i want to move to #richard started yelling and swearing el oh el #might be better to wait and avoid the tension as long as possible? #but also i dont know how they can stay angry when its literally my best option #the other places where my friends live either have 0 opportunity and high housing prices. or are even moe liberal than where im going #idk. why do half of my problems come down to “my parents will be mad” like im a 12 year old or something. shit fucking sucks #this is why i want to get out of here #also it feels weird and bad to talk to my friends about how stressed i am about buying a house when all of them are stressed about #not being able to make rent or something. my problems feel like a brag in a really odd and shitty way. but hey! #if this works out maybe ill start being stressed about how im going to make my mortgage payments! :') yay!

[astriiformes]

.

#i am just so scared that we are going to be stuck in a cycle of relative poverty now due to scribe being sick #like we were doing okay but realizing i'm not going to have enough money from financial aid this year has messed me up #the only reason we were doing okay was because the state was willing to give me money for school. and now they're not #basically entirely because i'm a non-traditional student too #and like what comes next #i want to go to grad school so badly. will it just be more of this? #will i be saddled with so many loans we can never afford to have our own place or feel secure and not guilty for having nice things? #i can't support us both on a student's not-salary #and i'm scared that me going back to school is just permanently screwing us both over now #or alternatively. will i have to give up on my dream so we can live #it was different when she had an income #now i just feel bad and selfish for pursuing something i care about #and like i'm morally in the wrong for not just dropping out and finding work somewhere even if it sucks #i'm so tired. i don't want to be crying about money right now #but here we are i guess

[tibli]

Beloved Husk

Here I stand in her scorched remains.

This is not the first time, nor will it be the last, and her vacant body has acclimated to my presence.

No longer do her damp, wooly tissues squelch beneath my feet-

they have long since dried out, compressed into a single mass of dull, cotton-candy pink.

In some places, her flesh has completely burned away, leaving nothing behind but blackened, splintering bone. There is no ink in the world rich enough to match the soot that clings to her skeleton.

Sun rays filter through her blown, empty eye sockets, and the daylight is no less beautiful for its thoughtless transgression.

How dare you illuminate her suffering so callously! You have made her into a spectacle- a cadaver to be prodded and studied, rather than a soul to be mourned.

My cheeks are wet, but I can't be sure if it's from grief, or the ever-present haze of smoke. The cause doesn't matter- I am weeping all the same.

#poem #poety #body horror #for anyone wondering- this is about the immediate aftermath of my house catching on fire on mothers day earlier this year #we were living in a rental house up until our house was rebuilt and we were able to move back in #the house didnt burn down per se- it was still standing. but the kitchen was completely destroyed as was most of the living room #i refused to go into the house for a little while at first because i didnt want to look at it. but i eventually did go in #and this poem is kind of a symbolic recollection of the various times i'd gone inside before they started repairs #this has been my home since i was three. although my room was opposite from the kitchen and unscathed bc my door was shut #there were still a lot of sentimental things that were destroyed. #and since the house was built so long ago it looks like a completely different place now #its not the same. and thats been kind of hard for me #i thought i was over it but my dad watched this show with a house fire scene and i had to leave the room bc i was remembering all of it #this was my way of getting some of that grief out #im not much of a writer so this probably sucks but i dont care. and maybe someone else will find some value in it

[the-acid-pear]

These two lines really make me feel like Susie is only a bully for, let's say, survival reasons. But that's as coherent as i can get so i'm going to ramble the rest of my thoughts on the tags.

#luly talks #FIRST AND FOREMOST LOOK AWAY DONT LOOK AT JOEY'S ICON KUJHNUYHGB i didnt feel like editing ok. nor finding other screenshtos #anyway that aside. #if you think of her parallels with King it kind of reinforces it bc king is as bitter and violent as he is bc he was betrayed and abandoned #and what does susie do when she feels like her at that moment only friend lancer has decided to betray her? she turns bitter and violent #(rip to lancer my man keeps getting his ass kicked to next week someone get these ppl therapy 😭😭) #this all could also be like. turned grimmer if you think susie has a home but it just fucking sucks #bc she's just like me fr and i know living with someone that hates you makes you hate everything too #but there's also the possibility of her being bullied and again shitty family not doing anything for her #some theorize she came from a mostly human place so that's a reason why she'd easily get targeted #and in school her situation is pretty Bad bc she didnt do jack shit but everyone instantly hated her #really reinforcing what she says to kris about your choices not mattering #(btw isnt it fucking hilarious that so many people project on kris even and obviously us too? protagonist curse is strong) #anyway its lovely that she got to see there's more to this gay earth than pain and agony and stuff. heart < 3 #deltarune #susie deltarune

[loafbud]

every now and then i think back to this meme and realize how much i see myself in this picture:

#ive never had a job/been employed ever & my last education was highschool graduation #i live with my mom & siblings rn- been that way my whole life so far #for context- i graduated hs in 2016 and never had interest in looking for more academics/school stuff since #i wanna live in my own place one day #but id prolly just have to say fuck it and find a high-paying job i absolutely HATE just to start off somewhere & then quit #life sucks bruh lol #but yea anyways.. meow #sorry for the ramble/rant in the tags lol

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[fivefeetfangirl]

you're trying to figure out what to vote in the local election: multi-party system edition

#to live in a world where i dont have to do hours of research to make an informed decision about who's gonna run the county and municipality #and ive just started to research #AND THE VOTE IS TODAY AND TOMORROW #but i have to vote today cause im working tomorrow #AND I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN TO THE COUNTY PART IM STILL ON THE MUNICIPALITY POLITICS CAUSE APPARENLTY WE NEED TO HAVE #THREE DIFFERENT GOVERNMENT LEVELS #like. how do you navigate a political landscape where the far left and far right might agree on some matters. like???? this is way too much #but i refuse to not vote or vote blank #also local politics sucks cause like. they're people i have relations with. mostly cause i work with politics lol so ive met most of them #but also like. you stalk a politician and find out you have 15 shared friends on facebook. tell me youre from a small place without telling #me youre from a small place #anyways. remember to vote in your elections ahaha easiest way to participate in your democracy. and local politics are actually super #important even tho it might not be as fun/interesting as national politics

[shleemies]

Got promoted at work today! I knew they had their eyes on me for a promotion but the circumstances were kind of unfortunate. My coworker with the position found out that the raise was less than she thought, and that's after they screwed up her payroll big-time last week and only paid her for 2 days. So she's transferring back to our old store as an associate bc it's closer to her house and honestly an easier store to work at. So my manager came up to me right after they talked and was like you're getting promoted btw I was like oh okay 👍. And to be fair the raise is kinda shit lol it's 30¢. But to my knowledge it's more or less the work I'm doing anyways. I've never gotten a promotion or a raise before so I'm pretty happy about that. I've only had shitty bosses promise me raises for months and never follow through. And I know they've been wanting to promote me already bc all the higher ups I've worked with really like me and recognize that I work hard. I had a coworker 2 days ago ask if I was a manager because she said I had that vibe about me LOL. I was like no I'm just some guy. Still not a manager but I am a shift lead. Still so worried I'm going to burn out but uhhhh I'm doing well at this point 👍

#ive been working here less than 2 months #i really wanna share more details about like what ive been doing but i dont want to like dox myself? #the details would be specific enough you could find the store if you knew what state i live in which i think ive pretty opening talked about #fuck retail and all that but i like the place i work #and most of me working harder than some of the other associates is definitely the autism ocd and hypervigilance lol #i simply must make sure everythings right or else ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #you know how it is #im still just processing that i actually got promoted bc thats never happened #idk maybe the new position will suck we will see lol but ill give it a shot i really dont think its that much more work

[lesbiansanemi]

And when I thought things were finally fine and had calmed down my roommate starts sending me shelters because he wants me to get rid of my cat 🙃🙃🙃

#‘she’s peeing on my stuff 😡’ #listen I get that that sucks #but also…. we had a system in place that got her stop #I get putting cat spikes on the couches was mildly annoying but guess what #she wasn’t pissing on them anymore #and tell your bf to stop leaving your bedroom door open if you don’t want her to piss on your bed #like ????? #I know he’s stopped doing these things because the bf finds them mildly inconveniencing #sorry I’m not getting rid of my cat that I’ve had for almost four years and who got rehomed TWICE before I got her #because you have to put in a tiiiiiny bit of effort #‘she pissed on my shoes 😡’ #she has literally never peed on shoes before I guarantee you it’s because I left for a weekend and she’s anxious #fucking calm down #you could also just not leave your shoes by the door #he already rehomed our rats because he found them annoying which I feel bad about #I didn’t fight him much on that one because they were more his than mine so if he wanted to make that decision whatever #but hell no I’m not taking my cat to a fucking SHELTER fuck you #‘she drives me insane tho’ #okay well your fucking boyfriend drives me insane and you’re not seeing me demand you take him to a fucking shelter so lol #GOD this is not what I wanna deal with when I get home #and it’s just pissing me off cuz I get it’s annoying #but we’d gotten her to stop mostly and now it’s started again because of things 🙃🙃 the fucking bf is doing 🙃🙃 #so like this is your own fault and you’re expecting me to get rid of my baby because your bf can’t be assed to slightly alter #how he likes to live which is apparently being allergic to just keeping the bedroom door closed #jfc #kaz rambles

[rosicheeks]

Unfortunately relatable. I grew up in the church and have a lot of Christian trauma from that. I show up for special occasions for my parents… sometimes. But it’s uncomfortable from the moment I step through the door. Bigoted pastor, the self-righteousness disguising the prejudice, the political comments from the altar. Shots at young people left right and center as if the hell on earth wasn’t caused by the same older generation 90% of the congregation belongs to..

I miss being young in the choir and the youth groups and not struggling with it. It’s wild to look back at the younger version of me who was unshakeable in his faith and honestly just saddening.

I was texting my sister today about it and she said

“I 100% think ALL of us have a ton of religious trauma and everyone else in the family just doesn’t realize it cause they’re still drinking the kool-aid.”

I ran out of tag room and didn’t want to delete any 😭 seriously not lying I could write a book about all my thoughts and experiences

#I relate to all of this so much #and it’s so sad how many people truly have religious trauma #I still find myself lucky and privileged cause I know there are stories MUCH worse than mine #it’s really hard cause my parents still think I’m a Christian #honestly at this point I have no clue what i am #even if I end up still being a Christian that doesn’t help or heal all of the years of church trauma #but the hard part is still acting the part for my parents #growing up I always tried to fit into the good Christian girl mold #cause I know that’s what my parents wanted and I didn’t want to disappoint them #but once I started smoking weed and they found out? it went all downhill from there #their perfect angel fell from heaven #and I feel like ever since I haven’t been really their daughter…. I’ve just been living on the outside looking in to everything #it hurts looking back at all the years I spent brainwashed into believing that was the ONLY faith #it genuinely makes me sick to my stomach thinking about the fact that I went to a pro life rally #the thing I was talking to my sister about was how mental health was never talked about in the church #when I started dealing with it and went to my parents or the pastors or any adult really and told them what I was dealing with #wanna know what the first thing they would ALWAYS say? well have you prayed about it? the way they treated mental illness was that it was #YOUR fault cause God is punishing you for something…. that you need to pray or go to church so then God will eventually take it away #and the thing is I don’t necessarily blame my parents (which kinda sucks cause I want to blame someone) #but honestly it’s just the environment they grew up in too… like I’m 99% sure my dad has dealt with depression his entire life #but won’t get diagnosed or anything cause they always believe faith has something to do with it #which makes me incredibly sad cause I just think about how much my dad has suffered and how he didn’t need to #^^ I was typing this out when I was late to my family gathering hahaha but then I think my sister called or something so I had to stop #sorry this post is all over the place - I swear I could write a book about religious trauma #yesterday went ok surprisingly but today? TODAY is going to be so much worse #sure I’ll make a post about it later but I guessssss I should go to bed now? it’s 2am and I have to get up at 5:45 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 #and I have a fuuuuull day of fun Christian festivities while I’m dealing with all of this bottled up and unresolved crap from my past #please don’t get me wrong I love my parents and like I said I don’t blame them - they did their best #it just really sucks wondering what my life would have been like if I didn’t grow up in the church or in a super religious family #I wonder if when I told my parents I was depressed if they would have instantly brought me in to get help

[red-eft]

opened art comms to save money for T and then when i had my appointment today i found out i cant even get on it for another few months. there's a funny joke in there somewhere that i'm too upset to look for

#txt #to be deleted / #it's bc i wont be living close enough to the gender clinic to get routine tests once i graduate and leave which. makes sense #so i have to wait til i graduate and go home and find a place to get T from there......... #which SUCKS bc my main motivation to get on T was to be more comfortable and passing before i start my job #and. now i'll be starting my job probably still pre-T #idk if i should close my comms. i guess not? im still saving the $ for T aaaaa.