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#ferengi books good actually
kitkatt0430 · 1 year
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Rom is really such an interesting character to me.
At first he's just your typical Ferengi. Works for his brother in a dead end job and mostly hoping Quark will die so he can inherit the bar one day. But he's also a single dad trying to do his best to raise his son and often finding that the right thing to do by Nog is at odds with doing the right thing as a Ferengi.
And, at first, Rom picks being a good Ferengi. He picks being a good Ferengi and nearly helps kill his brother. He picks being a good Ferengi and endangers his son's education. He picks being a good Ferengi and makes himself repeatedly miserable.
But he watches Nog grow up and choose Starfleet over Ferengi business culture and he's proud of Nog for standing up for himself. For choosing what's right for him instead of what's right as a 'good Ferengi'. His son inspires Nog to question what it means to be a good Ferengi and, while I doubt Nog ever tells Rom directly that he's choosing Starfleet to avoid winding up miserable chasing profit the way Rom is... I think Rom knows.
He doesn't know what to make of it, but Rom knows this is the right choice for Nog. And it makes Rom question if he's making the right choices for himself. So when choosing to be a good Ferengi winds up endangering his health, Rom listens when Miles tells him about unions. He's inspired.
He realizes he wants more than just profits. Rom wants to be respected. He wants to stand up for himself. And he can't do that if he's constantly letting other people's expectations for him dictate his actions. Especially Quark, who often pushes Rom to do the wrong thing as much because it's the Ferengi thing to do as because Quark does love Rom and want to protect him, in Quarks own weird way.
Rom realizes as the leader of the forbidden union that he actually is capable of being respected when he lets himself be himself instead of choosing to be a good Ferengi. And so he quits his job at Quarks and takes a new job as an engineer. And, finally, he gets to shine.
And sometimes he backslides. Being reminded by Miles that he's not a conventional Ferengi after he gets engaged to Leeta makes him feel bad about himself as a Ferengi. But it also triggers his trauma from his previous relationship with Primadora - Nog's mother - who used his feelings for her to screw him over. Like a good Ferengi should. So instead communicating his feelings and finding parts of his culture that Leeta would enjoy sharing, he tries to assert the more toxic and harmful aspects instead, nearly destroying their relationship.
So he chooses to Leeta over profit. Quite literally by donating his profit to charity. And while Leeta should make more of an effort to understand Rom's culture - not everything about the Ferengi is bad and as an employee of Quarks it would behoove her to at least have a better familiarity with the Rules of Acquisition than she does - it's satisfying to see Rom choose his happiness - and Leeta's happiness - despite his past experience telling him that choosing to trust the people he loves can bite him on the butt.
According to Quark and Ishka, the greed of the Grand Nagus of the Ferengi must reflect the greed of the people. Brunt's greed is too selfish and that's why he'd make a poor Grand Nagus. So I have to wonder what Rom's greed says about the Ferengi people when he's made Grand Nagus.
Rom, who chooses love over money and learns to value self expression... he is greedy not for profit but for happiness. His happiness and the happiness of those around him.
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girlmartok · 6 months
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Left Hand of Destiny (1&2) stream of consciousness review
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Overall thoughts: I really liked this book! Or technically 2 books but the second is just the continuation of the first so in my head it was just one long book (~500 pages all in all). This is only the second trek book I've read and also the second written by the actor who played the character in ds9 (shoutout to ASIT, though this one has a non-actor co-writer as well), but even beyond the star trekking of TLHOD, this was a really good read in terms of writing style, pace, emotion. It was very action and character focused which I enjoyed, and especially the characterization of Martok was so great and obviously JG Hertzler had a lot of thoughts about the character he played that translated really well on page.
The memory alpha article on TLHOD says this but I didn't really start to see it until the last half of book 2, but this is very much a King Arthur story (btw don't look at that memory alpha page unless you don't care about major spoilers lol). Down to a lady in the lake handing out mythical swords. That instance was a little heavy handed in my opinion, but I did like all of the prophetic dreams and talk of glorious purpose.
That's something to note though: if you don't like dream sequences, this is not the book for you. There are A LOT of dreams. In fact the opening scene is a dream, but it's now my new favorite opening line in a book because it jumps right in by telling you who this guy is and what his deal is:
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I personally am a big fan of overt symbolism like this (even a well done cliché or two), myths and repeating cycles of heroism etc etc. And I think this book melded Arthurian drama with Klingon drama well. The Klingon-ness of this book was great. What better way to get to the heart of Klingon culture in a story but by focusing on the guy chosen to lead his people and getting it ripped out from beneath his feet and having to decide that he actually wants to be chancellor. In a lot of ways this is a story of outcasts finding their way back to where they belong, which isn't always what they expect or want in the beginning. Which leads me to...
The supporting characters really made this book. Without Pharh the Ferengi who got bullied for being as ugly as a Klingon as a child and now runs a landfill on Qo'noS, there would be no book. He's my favorite (little buddy coded to the extreme) but most of the major side characters are really well explored in terms of motivation and actions. Worf, Sirella, Ezri, Darok, Kahless, Alexander, to name a few. Alexander and Kahless were two of my other surprise standouts. And because no one who hasn't read this book knows about my new favorite guy Pharh, I will now include a couple passages I highlighted to spread the word about how great he is:
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Wide array of well developed side characters aside, this book is awful for women. Yes the main antagonist is Martok's insane ex, but her character is kind of too outlandish to really have much depth. Ezri shows up at the end of book 1 and plays a big part in book 2 but honestly I'm not sure why she was even there (apart from loyalty etc, but I mean story-wise she didn't add all that much to keep the action moving ((anyone else could have been subbed in for her 9 out of 10 times and it would've made more sense tbh)) except to be another explainer of Klingon things to the reader). Sirella has a few great scenes, but not nearly enough and she wasn't allowed to do much either in terms of agency and impact on plot. Martok's two daughters are barely afterthoughts.
The main plot is that a usurper attacks Qo'noS (and specifically goes after Martok), swaying the Klingon people to their side through a combo of bioengineered charisma and the people's growing resentment toward progressive ideas that Martok (and Worf) represents. That's really only the problem in book 1, while book 2 deals more with Martok accepting the hand fate has dealt and deciding to win so they can save the decaying Klingon heart and so on. But even with the kind of cheesy setup, it rarely felt overwrought or unearned with the emotional beats. The antagonist lady is, yeah, she's a bit over the top. And before 2016 I would've said the quick flip to xenophobia and Make Klingons Great Again (I'm pretty sure they use that phrase almost exactly) in the general public was unrealistic but hey, cycles of destiny and evil constantly shifting and repeating, am I right??
There were... quite a few deaths. I guess I should've expected that, being a Klingon setting and all, but some of them hit me hard. And a few I don't think really needed to happen and kind of weakened the narrative.... maybe I'll put a spoiler section below a cut at the bottom of this to discuss those 🤪
This paragraph will haunt me for a while I think... 😀 sorry for inflicting it on others now but hey that's show business
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Even with some hiccups (see spoiler section below), I loved the book pretty much. Shocker: tumblr user girlmartok loves the Martok book, but it was better than I had hoped even. The Martok focus was so good and the side characters just made it even better. Much more of a heroic fantasy than most star trek settings, which fit really well and also was refreshing. It's long! But I would recommend it if you have any interest in Klingons and/or fun little guys who go on adventures and think a lot about death.
SPOILERS ⬇️
Okay ripping the bandaid off. The way Sirella died was not chill. I mean even having her die was not something I would have included, because the story really didn't dive all that deep into her and Martok's relationship. But ramming an enemy ship so Martok could flee near the beginning of book 2... and she doesn't even kill any major bad guys doing it?? It just served no point narratively (the bad guys still outnumbered them, still caught up to them not long after) and it didn't even really affect Martok all that much beyond like one paragraph where he wants to turn around and go on a murder spree in her name... He doesn't even get to go on a murder spree in her name!!!
Bandaid rip #2: PHARH MY LITTLE BABY BOY DIES???? I was glad I had forewarning about this one because I would've been mad otherwise. I am not exaggerating saying he was my second favorite character in this book after Martok. The humor he added, yes, but also just his role as an outsider who's seen as weak by both Ferengi and Klingon, and he befriends the chancellor of the Klingon Empire, HOLDS ONTO THE CHANCELLOR'S RING FOR MOST OF THE BOOK AND BECOMES HIS SQUIRE BASICALLY 🫠💔 I don't know how anyone wouldn't fall in love with him. At least his death was done well, even though I don't think it should have happened. He at least got a murderous rampage in his name 😤 and Martok basically adopted him so he could get into Sto'vo'kor 🥺
Those were my main two criticisms of the book, and really ties into why this wasn't as great a story as ASIT, for example. A lot of things happen to Martok, but some things don't get the resolution they would need to influence him on this character journey he's going on. One of Martok's defining characteristics in ds9 is that he's a wife guy and his wife doesn't take bullshit. But then his wife dies suddenly and he's upset but he's not Upset upset, if you know what I mean. It didn't feel earned and it didn't feel necessary. Literally the first and only time it did feel like a reasonable plot device was at the very end when Worf tells him that people love a tragic victor even more than a victory. The problem is just that Martok doesn't ever explore what that tragedy really means to him.
Justice for Shen and Lazhna, Martok's daughters, who in addition to dying off screen are only brought up to highlight how shitty of a dad Martok has been. He just thinks of them (and his son Drex too but he gets more characterization solely by virtue of appearing in the narrative) in terms of himself and his love for them is more on the side of pity rather than real emotional attachment. Sirella should've been way meaner to him about that tbh.
Non character death related but a big focus of the first book was Martok losing public opinion pretty much immediately. Old friends turn against him and that really shakes him. But then in the second book... that's not really brought up again? The whole second book takes place away from Qo'noS, and yeah they mention that people will probably become less affected by the dumb bioengineered charisma after time, but I cannot stress enough how much the entire planet hated him. So he won the big battle against his foes etc etc, came back to Qo'noS and... just told everyone all that?? That goes along with the lack of fully exploring the consequences of some of these bad things that happen to Martok. It felt like a little too much piled on him and not enough resolution.
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spammreviews · 2 months
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I would like to say that this is not a ranking of the characters based on morals. This is based on how good I think they are as characters. This is obviously extraordinarily subjective, however, I enjoy ranking and sorting. 
There are three factors I generally considered for this ranking. 
The first is how well written I think the characters are. Do they have dimensions, do they serve their purpose within the story, do they stand out from the very large crowd of faces within this story, et cetera. This one is less important if they are a very minor character. 
The second is how fun I think they are. The point of some of these characters is to get a chuckle, and if they did that, then they succeed as characters.
The third is vibes. Sometimes, I just vibe with characters.
Art Credits to 
The_Mico
https://m.facebook.com/198918470118215/photos/a.232323176777744/465124813497578/?type=3
Amok https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/File:Visenya.jpg
Riot Art Therite
https://riotarttherite.tumblr.com/
The Three Hares
Rae Lavergne
Weak Aside
https://www.tumblr.com/weakaside
Paolo Puggioni
Image of Nettles by Rlyeha https://www.deviantart.com/rlyeha/art/Nettles-885635180
Special Thanks to
A Wiki of Ice and Fire
https://awoiaf.westeros.org/index.php/Main_Page
and
A Search of Ice and Fire
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Without further ado, the list. This is a ranking of all characters from best to worst, with 398 being the worst and 1 being the best.
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F Tier:
398. Xaro Xhoan Daxos-
Xaro is like a weird homophobic stereotype. One could compare him to Varys, but Varys is a character and he has dimensions. There are moments where we are surprised by Varys. Varys has a boring room. Varys went out of his way to save Gendry. Varys has a fucked up backstory. Despite all of Varys’ silliness he never feels cartoony. He’s an actual capable and intelligent person who’s motivations are mysterious and intriguing. Et cetera, et cetera.
Meanwhile, Xaro Xhoan Daxos has no surprises. He’s just…ridiculously one noted, and that note teeters on the edge of being kind of homophobic with a few weird lines which I hope were not George’s intention.
All of this would be fine if he only had a few chapters, but he appears in two books. Two! 
Everything Xaro says and does is so basic. He’s got simple and un-unique strategies because of his simple and un-unique motivations. Half of his lines and actions feel the same. His purpose within not just the story, but within individual chapters and conversations, never changes. I’m getting really angry right now.
I get that we are supposed to hate Xaro, but the hatred I feel with him is not a fun hatred. I do not love to hate Xaro. I simply hate him. He annoys me. The way he talks is so fucking annoying, with this stupid eloquence wich makes simple sentences turn into paragraphs. It reminds me of papers I read in college. “I have crossed long leagues and stormy seas to help you once again.” “A pretty metal, but fickle as a woman. Gold, now…gold is sincere.” Shut the fuck up. He also talks about how hot Dany is every other second. I get the point that the traits of Dany which are valued are her appearance, so even someone who’s not attracted to women is going to act pervy, but it’s still annoying.
Xaro is also ridiculously condescending. It’s purposefully infuriating, but it’s so cartoony  and on the nose it’s not even a funny kind of infuriating. Perhaps he might go higher if he died a terrible death, but for now he’ll go here.
He also adds nothing to the story. He has two conversations with Dany in Dance. The first one lasts for pages, and it’s only purpose is to give us a bunch of information. The second one’s purpose is to piss Xaro off so he can declare war.
In conclusion, Xaro Xhoan Daxos is too ridiculous to be taken seriously, and too annoying to be taken comedically.
397. Yezzan zo Qaggaz- 
It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another (I think the enslaved people aren’t Ghiscari, but I’m not sure). They’re all ugly, cruel, ridiculously decadent, and greedy. It’s bland, it’s repetitive, and it’s almost, dare I say…lazy. The world of Mereen feels so drab in comparison to the world of Westeros because everyone there basically just acts basically the same. At least with the Ferengi, we were introduced to sympathetic and complex ones, and we learned about the nuances of their society and all that jazz. The Ghiscari are not afforded that same privilege. The exception is Hizdar Zo Loraq, who will be discussed later. 
I’m obviously not saying that George should have introduced us to a nice, sympathetic slaver. Please do not misconstrue my meaning. I’m saying that George could have introduced us to a slaver who’s personality stands out, or a Ghiscari who wasn’t a slaver or something. You can make a character complex and interesting while still having them be completely irredeemable in every way. This is ASOIAF, after all, and this story has lots of characters who are atrocious people but who still have interesting internal psychologies. Hell, sometimes adding complexity or whatever to a character can make them more hateable, as we will later see. I know the Ghiscari suck, but there’s no slaver who provokes the same degree of anger in me that Joff or Ramsay does, and I’ll explain why later.
These are all evil, irredeemable human-shaped pieces of shit, but at least Joff and Ramsay are characters. Ramsay isn’t even that complex…he’s mostly just sadistic for no reason, but his sadistic cruelty is still interesting because he is a character with traits beyond “evil”.  He’s a specific kind of evil, and there’s a reason he’s that kind of evil, and that specific kind of evil comes in a variety of ways. Grazdan and Yezzan and Kraznys are just evil. 
Once again, I am not saying that George should have made a slaver sympathetic. I want to emphasize that. He could have, at the very least, given one of them an interesting quirk, like one of them is a big fan of card games or whatever and the other slavers are really annoyed because he always wants to play. I don’t know. I’m not a critically acclaimed writer of dozens of fantasy and sci fi novels.
Obviously, George making the slavers all greedy and decadent makes a clear point, but there are ways to portray greed and decadence interestingly, as we see elsewhere in this story. With the Ghiscari, George just ramps up the traits to extreme levels, making the slavers too cartoony to be seen as a realistic threat. I’m not against this series being a bit silly, but the slavers feel beyond parody, and this hurts his criticism of the systems of Slaver's Bay, as the story focuses less on how the system doesn’t work, and instead simply shows that the people who benefit from it are annoying and gross. Now, the story can focus on how a system is fundamentally flawed and also show how the people who benefit from it suck, because this story does do that, but not with Slaver’s Bay. 
It’s also definitely possible to show oppressive forces as being ridiculously stupid and annoying while still having them feel real. Outside of ASOIAF, Quentyn Tarantino does this very well with Django Unchained and Inglorious Bastards. Within ASOIAF, well…we’ll see.
In conclusion, the character of Yezzan is extremely lazy writing.
396. Grazdan Mo Eraz (not pictured)- 
It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another.
Much has been written about how ASOIAF is not just a psychological story (meaning that the plot is driven by the character’s internal psychologies) but also a sociological story (meaning the plot is driven by the world around the characters). Dany’s story definitely succeeds on a psychological level as Dany’s character is well thought out. However, it only occasionally succeeds as a sociological story, in my opinion at least. 
This is because the society Dany interacts with in Storm and Dance doesn’t really feel like a society. We never see what daily life is like in Mereen, or see a diversity of thoughts and opinions within the citizens of Astapor. Everyone feels like a part of one big homogenous blob. A society is made up of individual people, with all of these individual people having their own psychologies. In a sense, sociological stories are psychological stories- but with the psychology of thousands or even millions of people. What is the internal psychology of Grazdan Mo Eraz? Why has his society made him think and act this way? The answer is, he has none. He’s just another bad guy. 
With much of the plot in Westeros, we see that these characters have ideologies which are a result of the world they're in, no matter how minor these characters are. For example, the two knights Brienne meets in her first chapter in Feast are clearly influenced by these ideals of knighthood and chivalry and gender, and these are very minor characters. Even the most displaceable of characters, such as Euron, are clearly influenced by their society's values.
We never get this with anyone in Slaver’s Bay.
395. Kraznys mo Nakloz-  
It’s really hard to tell apart one Ferengi-esque Ghiscari from another. These three slavers are equal in value to me, as they are extraordinarily similar characters, with their only differences being different versions of sucking. One is harsh, one is jolly, and one is mocking. These are very common types of assholes within ASOIAF. I get them mixed up in my mind all the time.
I have one more issue with the Wise Masters of Yunkai and the Good Masters of Astapor. George wrote a fat character who suffered extreme amounts of abuse and bullying because of his weight and has to learn to love himself. However, he also wrote a bunch of characters who are fat to show that they’re rich. This trope isn't even subverted in any way, like with Wyman Manderly. The Wise Masters are fat, and it seems like we’re supposed to be disgusted by the fact that they’re fat because it means they’re decadent and gross. With Wyman, his weight is cleverly used against us, as we assume he’s just a bit player who only cares about himself, but then it turns out that he’s an extreme badass who uses his obesity as a shield. Even with Illyrio, we get the idea that he is more than what he seems to be, and he also serves as a reference to the “jolly fat guy” trope from Shakespeare. However, with the wise masters, they’re just overweight. We are supposed to think it’s funny that Kraznys “has bigger breasts than Dany”. I suppose maybe it’s actually to show Dany’s immaturity, and that she’s negatively influenced by beauty standards, but that’s not something which is really explored. With Cersei, we get her trusting hot people who betray her and disliking “ugly” people who are actually trying to help her. 
That doesn’t seem to be a big part of Dany’s character. Kraznys is what he seems to be and nothing much more than that.
394.Doreah- 
She was not much of a character
And ohhh…she had no personality
And I got this crazy feeling
I’m gonna ah ah put her low
And oh she was so boring
I didn’t care when she died
And I got this crazy feeling
George didn’t care either
As Dany only thinks of her once afterwards
You may ask what’s her name
And I’ll whisper her name
I’ll whisper her name
And her name is D-O-R-E-A-H 
DOREAH! D-O-R-E-A-H
And oh, I’m gonna tell the world
She was Dany’s handmaiden
No, not Jiqui or Iqui
The only difference is that she was blonde
And the way she was described
Was very creepy
DOREAH! D-O-R-E-A-H!
Oh, what’s the point?
What’s the point of her?
Quentyn died for someone’s sins, but not mine.
392 and 393. Irri and Jiqui-
I have forgotten the existence of Irri and Jiqui. They are Dany’s Dothraki “friends”. I feel like George screwed up by making all of Dany’s friends (other than Missandei) uninteresting, and also making most of the Dothraki she encounters lacking in any depth. Jon has a large treasure trove of kooky characters for him to bounce off of. Some of these characters are wildlings, who are displayed as having a wide variety of character types. 
Meanwhile, there are two flavors of Dothraki we meet: fierce men and fragile women. This fill-in-the-blanks approach to character writing is super boring, sticking out extraordinarily from the rest of the series. I don’t care about Jhogo because he is the same as Aggo who is the same as Rakharo. I don’t care about Irri because she’s the same as Irri who is just a non-Lysene Doreah.
Irri and Jiqui are not characters. That requires character traits, which they lack.
391. Reznak Mo Reznak- 
Reznak Mo Reznak is just…too goofy. His whole evil manipulator schtick feels like something from a C-tier Disney movie, and there simply isn’t anything done to make him in any way interesting or memorable. And, with many of these other lower tier characters, one could argue that they work well as set dressing, but Reznak’s set is already dressed fine. We get the idea that Mereen is a pit of vipers, and we get that there are all these people giving Danny bad advice. He adds nothing but another voice, and as voices go, his is the most annoying.
390. Aegon IV- 
Aegon IV feels like an AI generated list of things you don’t want a medieval king to be.
389. Alliser Thorne- 
Purposefully asshole characters are old hat. Sure, Alliser Thorne was created in the 1990s, but uhhh…whatever. Alliser does feel a tad bit tropey, which makes him kind of annoying. He’s also not evil in a fun way, just a jerk. I also don’t like Rast, but I didn’t get an image of him, so I’d also put him here.
I suppose one could say that we need two dimensional jerks like this in this part of Jon’s story, and I suppose that is true. However…I still don’t like him.
I’ve seen a lot of war movies, and there are tough drill instructors who are just as dimensional as Alliser yet still manage to be more interesting. Just look at Heavy Metal Jacket.
Also, like what is Alliser’s deal? He has no motives beyond just hating everyone for no real reason.
388. Jaehaerys II- 
Jaehaerys II is easily the most boring Targ king. Maybe he had a personality, but I can’t say for certain.
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bodyguardbracket · 7 months
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Round 1: Maihar'du (Star Trek: Deep Space 9) vs Hubert Von Vestra (Fire Emblem Three Houses)
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[Propaganda Under Cut]
Maihar'du: He doesn't talk, he's always at the Nagus' shoulder (always - he once transported into a closet with the nagus) He's such a devoted bodyguard he tips off the crew of DS9 that the Nagus faked his death because he was not guarding the 'new' nagus, but was a not-so-dead Zek. He is also twice the size of any Ferengi, which adds an element of intimidation - always important for a bodyguard *The Grand Nagus is the leader of an alien race the Ferengi. He sucks
Hubert Von Vestra: The Evil Advisor trope if said evil advisor actually wanted desperately to change the world for the better and protect his found family but was also still a sneaky greasy gremlin of a man.
Born in to a noble family that was meant to guard the royal family from birth. They took him to meet the not at all in line for the throne middle child young princess he would be guarding when both him and said princess were tiny kids.
Long story short, his dad did a traitor, but Hubert had formed a bond with the lil princess and they were already like siblings to each other. When she gets kidnapped for eventual malicious reasons, this sad gangly pre-teen dark mage boy tries to go after her, and fights off the troops his dad sends after him for days before being dragged back home. Eventually Edelgard comes back after a few years. ALL her siblings were killed by said malicious plot/human experiments. She is the only one who lived through the experiments they did on her. She is now the only one in line for the throne. She is DEEPLY traumatized. The kidnappers are still trying to use her as a puppet.
All either the two of them have is each other. *crying emoji x100* From then on their mission statement is be gay and overthrow the church. Your honor, I love them.
Eventually they do (Or not and it's really fucking angsty and sad either way) overthrow both said book burning shit church, and the enemies of said church that had a longstanding war in the shadows going on that was fucking all of the rest of the world up. On the way Edelgard falls in love with another woman who's heart was experimented on in order to give her super powers (The player character), and Hubert falls for his polar opposite/narrative foil; the chipper, sunshiney prime minister's son. (They also both commit some patricide together. Woo patricide. Voice actors sing beautiful rendition of Wicked's "For Good" song. I'm not crying. You're crying.)
Spymaster, poison connoisseur, haver of a very silly evil laugh and mannerisms. He and his aforementioned narrative foil look like they stepped out of Interview with the Vampire. Copious queer as hell found family. What's not to love?
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cardassiangoodreads · 10 months
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choose violence, 7, 9, and 10 for ds9 mayhaps?? 👽🌠
Okay I've played a decent amount of FE3H and I'm ready for a break, so let's do some of these. I might spread them out over the next day or so, though:
7. I think I've been pretty good at separating my feelings about characters from my feelings about the people who stan them in this fandom. Like, there were a lot of people stanning Miles O'Brien in that poll between him and Garak who were being homophobic, and there's a certain type of person who is very annoying about "Sisko is underappreciated!" (step one toe outside of shipping-centric fandom for a second, no he isn't, he is very popular! he just doesn't have a lot of shipping fic about him because people liked his canon romance) but I still like Miles and Sisko a whole lot! Ezri is one of my blorbos even though I'm really sick of people who think it's "bashing" to say that the writers kinda blew it with her. I think I've had the opposite happen to me, though: like I came to appreciate Dukat a lot more as a character. always as a character because of how tiring the performative over-the-top hatred of him in the fandom got LOL, though also that was buoyed by rewatching season 4.
9. This is really really hard but I think The Heteronormativity Of It All about covers most of my biggest, deepest grievances with that show. Not all of them, but the parts that piss me off the most.
10. When people write Cardassia as similar to some real-world socially and economically right-wing government with like an 18th-century European style class system and homophobia and traditional gender roles, which I would argue with some of that actually goes against the way it's presented in canon (you really think the planet where women control the medical field and have for centuries has U.S. Republican ideas about abortion and birth control???) but either way I just find it really really boring to make alien cultures oppressive in the same way human cultures are. I'm not just this way with Cardassia either (though it is weird how many people don't seem to realize that it was based on communist countries more than anything else) I was annoyed when the beta canon books gave Trill traditional gender roles too, using something about the joining to justify that when if anything I would think that most of its political leaders having life experience as both binary sexes would make them less likely to waste human(oid) potential in that way! Even with, say, the canonical misogyny and ultra-capitalism of the Ferengi, it's still less boring than that: their culture is presented as genuinely unusual and weird in a bunch of other ways, like the fact that their ultra-capitalism is a literal, not figurative religion. At least do that much!
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deepspacedukat · 2 years
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They forgot: Mutual I interact with all the time to the point where I need to live next door to them so we can look out the window and Spider-Man point.
PLEASE TELL ME THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL TO CHIN’TOKA. Forgive me for misspelling (I can’t spell anything right) but please. Make it #59 I am begging on my knees.
Also really dumb thought in no way based off of real life today: Being Brunt’s personal financial bookkeeper but the thing is the Ferengi outsourced it so he has no idea you’re a human female. That wears clothes… and leaves the house. I’m assuming the FCA requires independent auditing of all it’s employees accounts. For security purposes. Or something.
-Horta-in-Charge
You’re right, friend! They did forget that! An integral part of the mutuals experience 💖
Actually you did spell that right! I currently have a bonus scene written if you’re interested in that, and a sequel can totally be arranged if you’d like one. 😘
Not at all a dumb thought! He’d bragged to all his friends about how his financial bookkeeper was the best he’d ever had, so efficient, saved him so much trouble and profit, etc. Imagine his face when he finds out all this time he’s been praising a woman. Who wears clothes. And earns profit. And goes outdoors. ✨Scandalous!✨ He’s appalled...but also slightly turned on because she’s that good at business/money/etc. He obviously also wonders if she’s as skilled at Oomox as she is with the books...
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garakshowhole · 3 years
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PEL
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thegreaterlink · 2 years
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Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S2E9 "The Measure of a Man"
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It has come to my attention while writing this review that this episode has an extended cut which is 57 minutes long, running 13 minutes longer than the version originally broadcast. However, Netflix only has the original broadcast version, which I'll be using for this review.
THE PREMISE
While the Enterprise is visiting Starbase 173 for routine maintenance, cyberneticist Commander Bruce Maddox comes aboard to examine Data. It quickly becomes clear that Maddox intends to transfer Data's memories to the Starbase mainframe computer and disassemble him so he can learn how to replicate Dr Soong's technology. Maddox promises to restore Data and his memories afterwards, Data is concerned that the procedure is riskier than Maddox lets on, and argues that the emotional nuance of his memories will be lost.
Maddox turns to Starfleet to order Data to comply, so Data resigns from Starfleet altogether. However, Maddox argues that Data is Starfleet's property and not a sentient being, and thus does not have the right to make that choice. Picard turns to the sector's Judge Advocate General and his former love interest Captain Philippa Louvois to hold a formal hearing to challenge Starfleet's ruling and determine whether or not Data can be classed as a sentient being or Starfleet property.
MY REVIEW
Episodes like these are why I pushed through the mediocrity of the first season. Because I knew that there was a light at the end of that 25-episode long tunnel. And that light looked like a beard.
I'm not sure where I was going with this analogy. The point is, the episode's great.
Previous holodeck episodes have raised the question of when an artificial life form can be deemed sentient, so it was only right that the idea got an entire episode for it to be explored.
But first, let's talk about this episode's two guest characters.
Maddox is played by Brian Brophy, and his casual demeaning of Data, such as referring to him as an "it" throughout the episode, is reminiscent of how Dr Pulaski treated Data when she was first introduced. But while that bigotry was a poorly thought out attempt to set up a Spock/Bones dynamic, here it's used to paint him as an unlikable prick, as it should. He also shows total disrespect for Data as a person, entering his quarters without permission and rummaging through his belongings.
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Then there's Picard's old flame, Louvois (played by Amanda McBroom), who had parted with him on bad terms several years ago when she prosecuted him for how he handled the Stargazer's encounter with the Ferengi (see my review of "The Battle" for an explanation). When she meets Picard again, she wastes no time flirting with him. She clearly enjoys her little spats with Picard, but she quickly drops the jokey attitude when she sees how serious he is about Data.
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When they discover Data's resignation, the crew throw him an impromptu farewell party, which is a nice way of showing how much he means to the rest of the crew. Strangely enough, Data feels pushed to the sidelines somewhat despite the episode's plot revolving around him. But he still gets some good character moments, including an interaction with Geordi - who's probably Data's best friend at this point - when it looks like he's about to leave the ship for good. It's also heartwarming to see that he has items which actually hold sentimental value for him, such as his medals, a book given to him by Picard, and a hologram of a certain late Chief of Security.
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But when Data is asked why Yar was important to him, his only reason is because he and her were "intimate." Goddammit TNG; even after she's dead, you still can't do Yar's character justice.
Anyway, the real conflict of the episode is the trial to determine the nature of Data's sentience.
It shouldn’t be that hard. Just show him some pictures and get him to choose the ones with traffic lights in them.
Due to a shortage of qualified legal staff, Riker is chosen to represent Maddox. Riker gets to work proving that Data is indeed a machine, showing his circuitry and programming, even using his off switch to temporarily shut him down. Preventing such damning evidence against Data might make Riker seem unlikable, but he's clearly remorseful and without his participation the trial never could've happened in the first place.
Picard's confidence in his argument is understandably shaken after Riker's display, so he calls for a recess and meets with Guinan in Ten Forward. She points out that Maddox's plans for reproducing Data's technology would create an army tantamount to slavery.
Picard uses this to restructure his case, calling Maddox as a witness and tricking him into conceding that Data fulfilled his criteria for sentience - intelligence and self-awareness - and proves that proving Data's sentience is too nebulous of a concept for them to determine. In one of the best scenes of the series so far, Picard argues that creating more androids like Data would be the beginnings of a race, and a sentient race defined as property would be sanctioning slavery and going against everything that Starfleet stands for.
Louvois decides that none of them are fit to determine the nature of Data's sentience, and rules that he has the right to choose. Data gets up from his chair, walks over to Maddox, and somehow manages to say "I refuse the procedure" in a way which sounds like he's very politely saying "go fuck yourself."
And yet Data clearly holds no ill will towards Maddox, and even offers to assist in his further research when Maddox has had more time to study and hone his techniques. And Maddox refers to Data as a "he" for the first time.
The episode was written by Melinda M. Snodgrass, who had previously written the Original Series novel "The Tears of the Singers." After her standout work on this episode, she was hired as a staff writer and story editor for the series, but would depart by the end of the third season.
9/10 - The emotional beats could've used a bit more room to breathe (maybe that's improved in the extended cut?) but aside from that, TNG has given us its first truly great episode.
I'm probably jumping the gun a bit here, but I think I've found my winner for best episode of the season, unless they have something else in store. And after an episode like this, I'm excited to see if they do. Onward!
Previous Episode | TNG Masterpost | Next Episode
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I have some thoughts on the Ferengi again! I just saw Business As Usual and am like halfway through Ferengi Love Songs (had to pause it bc folks were getting up, will finish it later), and those episodes got me thinkin about gestures.
While I get pretty annoyed with how "Planet of hats"-y a lot of star trek worldbuilding is, one thing I think consistently gets nailed is gestures/physical presence. I've been noticing Ferengi gestures in particular, and I'd like to just sorta. Compile a list of ones I think are fun. I don't have pictures for em all but if I have a picture I'll stick it in
Obviously the wrist thing is iconic.
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A very versatile gesture, and really easy to make; idk if it's inspired by an irl gesture or just made up, but I like it. It's so versatile, too! I like how it covers anything from begging for your life to welcoming someone into your home to making a bit of an apology after saying something catty when gossiping with friends. Really good shit
The little like. Crouchy walk/run they do through doorways is just fucking excellent. Absolutely wonderful
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Also love to see that the urge to smack the tops of doorways is universal (also I just realised I could actually smack the tops of doorways on Ferenginar...that's a very novel concept for me bc I am 5'1" lmao). Also, an interesting thing: a lot of Ferengi seem to crouch or bow around a bit more than Quark, Rom, or Nog do; I wonder if it comes with them being around tall aliens in a structure built for tall aliens all the time. Also, I love the running joke of Quark being off-world for so long that he keeps forgetting to pay for shit (every time he stands there awkwardly and then goes "Oh yeah" and fishes out a bit of latinum from his pocket it cracks me up)
The nose pressing thing they tend to do when hugging is so good (and I'm VERY happy that's an irl gesture!! It's so cute!!! Huzzah for its existence)
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Their handshakes are pretty fun. There's a couple versions I saw; Quark and Gaila did one that was a bit simpler (Quark extended his left hand, Gaila extended his right hand and pressed the back of it to the palm of Quark's hand, and they both quickly pulled their hands away to their respective lefts).
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For the handshake between Quark and Brunt, they each put up their right hand back to back, then each pulls his hand back quickly to land on his left shoulder.
Whatever the fuck that dancing is (looks like Nog got everyone doing it, good for him lol)
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And I don't have a picture for this one but. When Quark says something stupid Ishka smacks him on the top of his head and it's so fucken funny
Anyways. Gestures and physical presence in general are really fun and I think they're something to consider in worldbuilding more often (in books and other written media, but ESPECIALLY in visual media like tv).
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Some things in the New Teasers/Trailers you might’ve missed.
1. Saru is back on the Discovery
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Other than the handshaking in the end, Saru is in the Background on the bridge for just a split second. Is he back on the Discovery a First Officer or is he just visiting friends? Well, he does have some different badge on with the Delta so maybe he’s a representative of Kaminar now?
2. New AR Wall on the Set
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I just wanted to add in that Discovery just added in a new AR wall on set for hyper-realistic backgrounds with little editing. It was used in this scene with Book and I think it looks great. If you wanna see more of the AR wall, you can go watch it in use on ‘The Mandalorian’.
3. Peace Summit?
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In this scene, there are flags and representatives from many species such as Klingon, Bajoran, Ferengi, Federation, LA, and more. Plus, if you look at the person on Picard’s right, it looks like Raffi’s there too. In Uniform. I suspect that this is just an Alternate timeline. 
4. Possible Time Travel to the 21st century?
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In this wonderful poster that they released, many people have noticed that this is obviously LA. But other than some of the S1 LA scenes, NOTHING is modernized in any way. Also, according to lore, LA is actually underwater by 2047, I think. Since they’ve mentioned TIME about a billion times in the teaser, is this a possible time travel or am I overthinking it like an idiot?
5. Seven’s Married?
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In this last cliffhanger, you can notice that Seven actually has a Wedding Band. Since it looks like they’re in an alternate timeline and she was never ‘Borg-ified’, Seven/Annika might’ve had a normal life in this universe and got married. 
(Idk about all of you, but my mind is just screaming ‘Married? That means Chakotay Cameo!!)
6. Laris is back
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It’s obvious that she’s coming back but the thing you might not have known is that she’s gonna have a much bigger part in the story than last season. Another thing is that Zhaban isn’t been seen once and sadly, with the actor’s timings, there’s a chance that he might not be in this season. Just a chance. 
7. New Upgrade on the Cerritos
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It’s a bit small to notice but the Deflector Dish is glowing orange here. In last season, it was a glowing white. Here are a couple theories-
- Freeman did take a small upgrade on the Dish and now it’s a bit more powerful which is gonna come in handy somewhere in the season later.
- This isn’t a part of the ship and is actually a problem or fault on the ship for some Episode Plot.
- The Titan went into a wormhole in the end so... Alternate Universe?
- This is a split shot of the Cerritos just before it’s firing the Deflector Dish which is why it’s burning orange.
- I’m overthinking it and it’s just a choice by the Animators that doesn’t really affect anything. In Ketwolski's long Interview, Mike McMahan did say that the animators are taking the good animation style from S1 and smoothing it and making it even better.
8. Boimler’s in this scene
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I tried to clarify it as much as I could but in the scene where shots are being fired, you can zoom in just enough to see the purple-haired goof working on a panel. They’re wearing black uniforms so I only have 3 explanations for that-
- Chain of Command secret Mission Uniform.
- Section 31 stealth uniform. (Boimler Practiced the walk)
- Mirror Universe uniforms. (They went into a wormhole so-)
I’ll make one on Prodigy Later
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torielectra83 · 2 years
Text
Garak and the Jack Pack
Want to thank
@volixia669
for giving me the idea and motivation; this is the first fic I've posted and finished in quite a while. Also gonna tag
@unicorn-and-bluebells
and
@tirlaeyn
since their DS9-related posts are what helped lead me to this (if there's a DS9-related Discord I should join, let me know); note that I'm not much of a shipper (and I'm ace), so I wasn't quite sure how to approach the Bashir/Garak relationship; I just left it in the background (and the lizard man t-shirt).
“Oh, Doctor. There you are, and I….see you’ve brought company!” As he could see, Dr. Bashir was heading for the Replimat for his typical luncheon with him, only four other people were crowded around him. A skinny man with a mustache, a stocky older man with a timid expression, a rather gregarious-looking woman, and another woman who looked rather distant. “Oh, hello Garak. I’d like to apologize for being a bit late.”
“Oh, don’t worry, given what I’m seeing it’s very much a valid excuse.” Garak had heard about the other genetically-engineered people who’d been sent to DS9 to meet Dr. Bashir, but he’d been busy with orders at his shop; he’d been thinking about hiring someone to help out, actually. “Well, that’s Jack, Patrick, Lauren and Sarina. This is my...friend Garak, he runs a tailoring shop here on the Promenade.” “Oh, hi there, Hi. Uh, I gotta go over to the replicator, I’m starving over here.” Jack promptly excused himself, while Lauren made her way to Garak next. “Well, hello, Mr. Garak.” She promptly began her flirtatious attitude. “If you’re trying to seduce me...it won’t work. I am sorry, but I do not generally do one night stands.” Surprised and somewhat disappointed, Lauren backed away.
Patrick then approached Garak. “Do you make clothes?” “Yes, I do.” Patrick then grinned eagerly. “Good, because the clothes the institute gives us are too...itchy and things like that. Do you have softer clothes?” “Well, I can certainly make some? I believe Dr. Bashir said you need “sensory-friendly” clothing?” Bashir nodded; the term was an old term from pre-warp Earth. “I’ll do it at no charge; anyone who’s a friend of Dr. Bashir is a friend of mine.” He sipped his Tarkalean tea as Jack argued with the replicator over not being able to make something, while Lauren used the other one to replicate a bowl of Vulcan plomeek soup.
“And… Sarina, is it? I’ve noticed you haven’t said anything yet.” Garak simply saw the young woman turn, before holding up a PADD, with words written on it -- “I can’t speak, If you want to have a conversation with me, use this.” She promptly set the PADD down and continued to watch Jack’s tussle with the computer. “Sarina’s unable to speak, I can explain the whole thing later Garak.” Julian felt the need to pre-emptlively apologize for their behavior. “Oh, you don’t need to. I’m seeing people with a lot of potential here.” Bashir nodded. “So do I. And not many others do. That’s why I brought them here. I want to try and help them.”
“They seem to be helping themselves.” As Garak watched, Jack had finally managed to get something from the replicator that agreed with his standards -- a ham sandwich with Bajoran mapa bread. “So, this is the irrefutable Elim Garak, huh?” Jack asked. “Yes, and I see my reputation precedes me.” Garak said politely. “That’s right. Former intelligence agent for the now-defunct Obsidian Order, exiled and now working as a tailor here on DS9.” He said hastily before ripping into his sandwich. Garak raised an eyebrow. “And how did you find that out?” He asked, a tone of interest in his voice. “Oh, you’d be surprised what you can dig up on the extranet. There’s all sorts of unsavory rumors about you, like you causing a Cardassian doctor to break down by staring at them for four hours straight.” He promptly chugged from his cup of targ milk, before continuing. “And that your father was the head of the Obsidian Order, Enabrian Tain, and he got wiped out by the Dominion when the Obsidian Order and Tal Shiar teamed up, yeah, but they didn’t know the second-in-command of the Tal Shiar was actually a Changeling leading them right into a trap!”
“I...think we will have to pick up this conversation sometime later, Doctor.” Garak was getting rather uncomfortable at all this private information being practically shouted in the Promenade. “Oh, and I’ll see what I can do about those new clothes you requested, Patrick.” As Garak walked back to his shop, getting his mind off old events, he began pondering about what to do in the present. My orders are backlogged. I simply need help. As he opened his shop doors to see the current state -- half-finished orders, bolts of fabric all over and supplies in crates he hadn’t unpacked. “I must find someone to help me. I would get Julian but he’s too busy with being in Starfleet.” Garak sighed, and began getting back to working on an order.
Some time later...
Having returned from the Defiant, Dr. Bashir went into Garak’s shop, expecting to see it as it had been for some time -- cluttered and filled with things Garak was working on. He instead found it a hive of activity. Customers were entering and exiting, some waiting for their orders, others were looking at holographic models of new clothes to order. Bashir looked around in confusion. “What the…'' Suddenly, a figure blocked by their holding of several bolts of fabric maneuvered into view. “Look out, everyone!” Bashir knew that voice. “Patrick?!” “Oh, hi, Dr. Bashir.” Patrick didn’t even turn back as he carried the bolts into the back of the shop. “Patrick, how did you get here?” Bashir followed him, and realized the entire “Jack Pack” (as someone, most likely Quark, had nicknamed them) was working there. Patrick set the bolts down for Jack, who proceeded to start measuring what exactly was needed for that order. Lauren was busy inputting data of some kind into a PADD, while Sarina was sewing an order up. “Ah, Doctor, good to see you’ve returned home safe and sound!” Garak greeted him cheerily from behind his desk.
“Garak, what is going on here? How did they…” “Well, Julian. I saw their potential and I needed help. And so far, they have been excelling at everything they’ve been doing. I haven’t been this efficient, ever!” Garak looked positively delighted at this. It was rare to see him like this, and Julian was a noted expert on Garak’s emotions. “But...what about the Institute? And Dr. Loews?” “Well, she needed a vacation, and my offer to give them steady employment was something she couldn’t pass up.”
“Oh, well then. But...how are you so busy now?” Julian wondered. “Well, their brightness led them to not only help clear my backorders, but also introduce whole new product lines based on pre-warp Earth stylings. I will admit I knew little about it, but they have brought in several new kinds of clothing. Like this ‘tee shirt’.” Garak promptly held one up, the front reading “WWCKD?” with a small line underneath reading “What Would Captain Kirk Do?” “They’ve come up with several of these things. Like this one for the USS Voyager.” The shirt had a fictional flyer on the front with a picture of Voyager, underneath a “Missing: Reward” banner as if it were a lost dog. “We’ve also re-created other Earth fashions, from “bell-bottoms” to “zoot suits”. I must admit, they make most current styles of clothing look downright boring!”
“Yeah, Dr. Bashir! Here’s one we made especially for you!” Jack promptly handed him a T-shirt and headed into the front of the shop. Julian simply looked at Garak with an expression of disbelief. “Garak, we caught them trying to pass on classified information to the Dominion, and now, they’re recommending I wear a t-shirt that says ‘If lost, return to lizard man for reward’!” He said angrily, shaking the shirt in his hand for added emphasis.
“Doctor...these people needed another chance. One that nobody else was willing to give them. And another thing...they are still very useful analysts. They can predict trends, root out information and generally think far ahead of the game. To be quite honest, they’re the best analysts I’ve ever seen. “ Garak admitted. “Yeah, where else can you get a nice new pair of pants and information of Dominion troop movements?” Lauren commented.
“So...you’re basically running your own intelligence service out of this shop.” Bashir muttered, running his hand through his hair. “Well, there has to be a third-party intel service somewhere. With the Obsidian Order gone, there’s a market for it; we used to take on clients for analysis as a method for extra revenue. Strictly off the books, of course. So that’s what I’m doing now.” Garak reasoned. “And we aren’t just doing war intelligence either; we’ve got multiple projects for the Ferengi Alliance, the First Federation and the Gorn Hegemony for analyzing things like market trends, population censuses and whatnot.” Patrick nodded. “Yeah, Grand Nagus Zek and Ishka appreciate it! We got in touch with them thanks to the Ferengi maintenance guy, oh, what was his name…”
“Rom, that’s him. Real friendly guy. Came up with the self-replicating mines around the wormhole and keeps the holosuites running, real good guy.” Jack said at his normal speedy pace, before returning to his fabric measuring. Sarina promptly passed a PADD to Bashir, with a message reading “This is the best we’ve been treated in years. We’re working for ourselves, we’re constantly kept active, and we’re being paid 5 strips of latinum an hour.”
“Anyway, I’ll see you later, Doctor. We’ve got a lot to do before closing time today. After that we can meet at Quark’s, perhaps? Jack came up with this astounding holo-program based on another pre-warp Earth cultural thing, a “game show” called...Wipeout, yes. It involved picking the right answers and avoiding the wrong ones, it’s fascinating. But we have work to do and I’m sure you have work in the infirmary.”
Garak promptly ushered Dr. Bashir out of the store and back onto the Promenade. “...what just happened?”
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kaelio · 3 years
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N, L for the ask meme!
L: I actually do like most of the characters even if I don’t talk about them much? So I guess my choice is Nog: I like that he commits to making a change, but that change isn’t to the exclusion of the occasional good aspects of Ferengi religion (such as resource optimization).
N:
1. More fics where Sisko/Miles/Kira etc are not excited by the prospect of Julian and Garak getting together. I like supportive-friend fics, but I also like people dealing with, like, their friends justifiably having concerns. Not every fic has to be this way, but I like it for some proportion.
2. Honestly I almost wish there were more by-the-book getting-together stories. (AND NEVER ENOUGH BED SHARING!!) Like, we’ve now come to a point where it feels well-trod, but as a result the basic narratives aren’t written that often these days and I still like them. No twists, just getting together. A conversation where it finally gets broached. 
3. There are a lot of fics where Julian wrests with things he rightfully doesn’t like about Garak. However, I have rarely (if ever?) see Garak genuinely get to consider things he rightfully doesn’t like about Julian. It feels one-sided which can rub me the wrong way.
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5lazarus · 3 years
Text
Jane Austen Book Club
Dukat reads Pride and Prejudice to help him understand human relations (and fuck the Sisko). He thinks he’s being Darcy but really, he’s just Mr. Collins…and evil. Garak lends him a copy of Jane Austen and a horrific cravat, and really, it's all downhill from there. The sorta-Regency AU that no one wanted but that @the-venereal-bede asked for, so here we go!
For your formatting sanity, read on Archive of Our Own here!
It is a truth universally acknowledged that Commander Sisko is in need of a good fuck. Skrain Dukat believes he is just the man for the job. Absolutely everyone else disagrees.
“You see, my dear Julian,” Garak says, eyes widening over his Tarkalean tea, “a certain someone sent him a copy of that lovely novel you lent me, and he does believe it is meant as a model of, ah—“
“Human mating practices,” Julian says, horrified.
Garak closes his eyes, inclines his head, and smiles. “Yes. Now, how he arrived at that misconception is neither here nor there.”
“You told him,” Julian says.
Garak widens his eyes and inclines his head. “Now, your Jane Austen writes a society that is…familiar to certain Cardassian cultural practices.”
“The bickering as a lead up to sex, yes,” Julian says. Garak pauses. Julian says, “What? I read about it.”
Garak does not even attempt to suppress a smirk. “What book?” he asks, faux-suspicious.
Julian colors, and continues, “So, a certain someone, who is certainly not a spy masquerading as a tailor, slipped Jane Austen’s seminal text Pride & Prejudice into Gul Dukat’s PADD when he showed up at the station after we accidentally set off the emergency self-destruct system. As an insider look into human mating culture. And now he’s convinced this is going to get Commander Sisko to fuck him.”
Garak says, “Yes, isn’t it delightful?”
Julian picks up his tea and smiles over the rim. “Oh yes,” he says. “Commander Sisko is going to kill us both!”
At Quark’s, during lunch, Major Kira comes to their table. She interrupts a truly riveting debate about the old Earth movie Lawrence of Arabia and the sublimation of trauma into BDSM, where Garak is cool and amused the entire time, and Julian more and more gesticulating.
“It’s not just sex, Garak,” Julian is saying hotly.
Kira steps back, but Garak, smirking to himself, says loudly, “Oh Major, do you need something? You’re just in time to settle a question.”
Kira says uncertainly, “I’m not sure I’m the best one to ask.”
“Nonsense!” Julian says. “Who else would we go to?” He puts down his fork. Garak leans forward and grins at Julian.
Kira says, “Dax? Quark? Even Sisko—actually, scratch that.” She puts her hands on her hips, trying to convey authority. It works on Julian. Garak merely widens his eyes at her. “So, I got the most interesting call in Ops today.” Julian glances up at Garak, and Kira folds her arms. “I get the sense you know what I’m talking about.”
Garak says, “I haven’t the slightest idea, Major. Please,” he gestures at a seat. “Enlighten us.” Julian picks up his fork again and smiles at him. He’s amused. So is Kira, despite herself. She pulls up a chair and sits on it backwards.
She leans forward and whispers, “Gul Dukat was wearing—Dax called it a cravat?”
Julian snorts into his tea.
“Ah,” Kira says. “I get the sense you know what I’m talking about. He called Dax, asking if she could—grant him an introduction? To Sisko?” She is baffled by the words she’s saying. “He says he needs a chaperone. Now, that’s never stopped him from diplomatic negotiations before—“
Garak says knowingly, “Oh, Major, he should never have been left without a chaperone to begin with. His father—“
Kira says, “I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know! What you did to his father. I don’t need to know. Anyway. I just had a sense. Do you two have anything to do with that?”
Julian sets his fork back down and puts his napkin on his plate. “We don’t mean any harm,” he says. “Just—streamlining communication. Did Dax agree?”
Kira says, “Yeah, that’s the part I don’t get. She said yes! I’ve never seen her agree to anything that fast—willingly spending time with Gul Dukat!”
Garak inquires innocently, “Did he happen to mention a book, Major?”
“Something about a Darcy?”
Julian puts his head in his hands. Garak’s eyes widen. “Oh, then—there’s nothing to worry about. He’s just indulged in an Earth book of manners I sent him. Nothing to worry about,” he repeats. Slowly, he smiles. “But do give Lieutenant Dax my thanks.”
Dax says, “I think the funniest thing about this is that he thinks he’s Mr. Darcy, when he’s clearly a Mr. Collins.”
Kira says, “I still don’t get—why do you need to drop off a card and get it signed to talk to someone you want to fuck?”
Dax rolls her eyes. “It’s not quite that, Kira,” she says. “It’s more that you’re open to—talking.” She rolls her hands out as they exit the turbolift and enter Ops.
“Right.” Kira waggles her eyebrows. “Talking.” They separate to their stations, hiding their smiles, and shift to their Starfleet selves. Dax pulls up the latest readings on geothermic activity from the closest M-class planets in the Gamma Quadrant; the Jem’Hadar are not near, but close enough that their sensors register their presence. Kira frowns over the latest dispatch from the provisional government. Everything is new, nothing is particularly going well, but they have a rhythm, and that means they can get through the day. Routine is good: Kira is still unsettled by her real-life nightmare with the Cardassians, and Dax still catches herself whistling Joran���s melodies.
Then Sisko comes out of his office, bearing raktajino and whistling to himself. Dax involuntarily starts: Joran? Kira looks up sharply, but Sisko is calm and that calms her. Dax goes back to work.
Sisko walks over to Kira and says, “I just had the most informative call with Kai Winn and Vedek Bareil.”
Kira straights up. “Oh?” she says warily.
Sisko takes a sip from his Klingon coffee, preparing to launch into the story, but an ensign says, “What the fuck? Sorry, sir. We have an incoming call from…Gul Dukat.”
Dax giggles. Sisko looks askance and says, “Again?”
Dax says innocently, “Oh, I wonder what he could want.”
Kira coughs a laugh into her hands. Sisko rolls his eyes at her.
“Let’s see what he’s wearing this time,” he sighs. He looks at Dax. “I don’t know who gave him a book of manners from eighteenth century England, of all places. It’s infuriating. On screen, ensign.” He braces himself, and Dax and Kira do too.
Gul Dukat takes up the whole screen, not because he is a particularly big man or charismatic. It is because he programmed it to fixate on his face. He sits there primly, neck covered by a huge, puffy piece of cloth. It is lurid, bright orange, and its pattern seethes.
That is one horrific necktie, the entirety of Ops thinks in unison. Not even Quark would touch that; this makes the Ferengi’s ugly-chic look positively haut-couture.
Sisko clears his throat. “What do you want, Dukat?” he says.
Dukat smiles winsomely. It is the same smile he wore when he told a Bajoran worker he was stealing her wife and sending her children to the mines. Kira’s face fixes into a snarl. Sisko glances back at her, to check if she needs anything, but she makes a subtle gesture with her hand.
“Well?” Sisko says. “I do have a station to run.”
Gul Dukat drawls, “Certainly you have time for a chat between partners—“
“Partners?” Sisko stares askance. “You got trapped in Ops during a self-destruct program you made, and you think you can—is there anything you need, Dukat?” He restrains his anger. Behind him, Kira is now less disgusted and more horrified. She tries to catch Dax’s eye: is this really happening?
Dax grins.
“No, I just wanted to offer my assistance,” Dukat says. “To remind you that I am still here, assiduously waiting, to swoop in whenever I hear the call. As I did during the auto-destruct sequence just one week ago, if you remember.”
“Swoops like a vulture,” Kira mutters behind Sisko. “Like carrion.”
Dax says, “Well, with that necktie, he’s certainly hard to forget.”
Dukat preens. “Do you like? I was advised by—I wish our people to become better friends, Commander Sisko. Truly, I do. And I think the best way for us to proceed is for you to remember that I am always here. Waiting. For when you will need me, because you will need me.”
“Chief O’Brien has this station well in hand,” Sisko says repressively, “and Bajor takes care of the rest. Is there anything else you need?” Gul Dukat opens his mouth, but Sisko gestures at the ensign. “Close the channel. Sisko out.” He turns to Dax. “What the fuck was that about?”
Dax shrugs. “I don’t know,” she says.
Sisko says, “I know you do, Old Man. What’s he playing at?”
Dax begins walking towards the turbolift. “Dunno! But I just remembered—I need to drop these PADDs off with Julian.” She grins at him. “What? You didn’t like the cravat?” Sisko sighs.
“Cheer up, Benjamin,” she says as the doors begin to close. “At least he’s using his words.”
Sisko winces. Turning around, he barks at the frozen Ops personnel. “What? Don’t you have work to do? Get to work!”
“Bet you he was jerking off under the table,” Dax says. “Acquire.”
Quark makes a face. “Evade. Well, he fucks himself every time he talks.” Busily he looks at his cards. Any hand can be a winning hand, if you play your cards right. He spins the tongo wheel. Dax smiles.
“What’s your bet, Quark?” she asks, stretching her legs like a lazy cat underneath the table. Quark rolls his eyes at her. “Do you think Benjamin will bite?”
“Not in the way Dukat wants,” Quark says. He looks at her suddenly, then glances back down at his cards. She is trying to distract him with gossip and he will not let it work, however entertaining Starfleet drama is. She’s bluffing. He says, “Unless?” Unfortunately Dax shakes her head. Damn, Quark thinks. That could have been profitable. Strange, but profitable.
Dax, thinking about it, says, mirth in her voice, “Well, that’d be a new record in interstellar relations. The Emissary of the Prophets and Starfleet commander accepts the courtship of one Gul Dukat—“
“Courtship?” Quark looks up sharply. “You didn’t tell me he was courting him.” This will definitely be profitable!
Dax is nonplussed. “Well, I mean, it’s not really a courtship when one party is utterly repulsed by the other and totally ignorant of his affections.”
“Jadzia,” Quark puts down his cards. “You’re breaking my heart. Don’t you know there’s money to be made, when love is in the air?” He mines sniffing the intoxicating aroma of phemerones, alien and Ferengi alike. He bares his sharp little teeth in a winsome grin. “I can help with this, you know. Help everyone. We can’t have our commander distracted in times such as these, you know. I can arrange a little meeting, semipublic, you understand—“
Dax says, “I don’t, but…retreat.” A bit embarrassed now, she spins the tongo wheel. She loves to gossip and she loves controlling the funnel of information through Quark. Perhaps this was a misstep.
Quark’s eyes light up. “Gul Dukat would pay good money on a spread of the commander’s favorite, under a candlelit dinner. In a semi-retreated place so, you know, fondling can happen if it happens—“
“You don’t think Benjamin’s going to fondle anything, do you?” Dax is amused. “Play your hand, Quark. And on your head if this backfires!”
Quark makes a face and says, “Confront.” He grins up at Dax. “Rule of Acquisition Twenty-Two: a wise man can hear profit in the wind.”
Dax cocks an eyebrow. “Rule of Acquisition One Hundred And Ninety,” she retorts. “Hear all, trust nothing. Tongo!”
“I don’t know why we have to have this here, Quark,” Sisko says. “We have a board room in Ops.”
“Don’t you hew-mons know anything about preventing a war?” Quark scowls. “Wine and dine, commander! Wine and dine!”
Sisko rolls his eyes. Dukat has demanded a meeting to discuss Jem’Hadar build-up on the Gamma side of the wormhole; Starfleet Command indicated their desire that he speak to it, citing his strange ability to keep Dukat talking. There’s nothing strange about it. The man’s an egotist. Normally Sisko would convene the meeting in his office, and have Kira or Dax around to keep him from getting too weird, but both of them have pleaded busy. Captain Bodahn is in town; Vedek Bareil has a rare break from monastic duties. Thus Sisko is left alone, with Quark, in a private nook at the upper level of the bar, where few can see them but, of course, the bartender himself. Nothing goes unseen at Quark’s.
Odo has arranged Bajoran security throughout the place, enough to make it clear they aren’t happy Dukat is here. Sisko catches the gaze of one particularly stoic woman. Stony, she does not even nod back. They’re good, Odo’s hand-picked forces. While they’re loyal to Odo first and Starfleet maybe seventh, Sisko likes having them around. It makes Dukat very, very uncomfortable.
Quark says, right in his ear, “What do you think of crayfish?” Sisko starts violently and pushes him away.
“Crawfish?” Sisko stares at him. “What?”
“I asked your dad,” Quark says.
“What?” That’s insane. “How did you—nevermind, Quark.” Joseph can handle anyone, and the idea of his wily old dad running circles around Quark is oddly comforting. Then he hears the murmurs, Bajorans looking askance, and knows Dukat is coming.
Quark says, “Damn. Must’ve stopped by at Garak’s, then.” Sisko’s mouth drops. Dukat is wearing skintight pants, illuminating every unfortunate bulge and ridge in his knobby legs. He wears that horrific cravat, stroking it as he weaves like a snake through the shocked crowd. The necktie is orange. The waistcoat is an electric blue of the likes never seen amongst the terracottas popular on Deep Space Nine. The jacket, though, is out of this world—slashed to give him the appearance of a tiny waist and shoulders so ridiculously wide he looks like a capital-T.
Quark says, “Hm. Cardassian fashions must’ve changed since the Occupation. Well! Don’t you feel underdressed.”
Sisko says, “He looks like a sea slug.”
“Where I’m from, that’s a complement!” Quark grins. “A bottle of kanar and whiskey for yourself, coming right up.”
“No—“ Sisko does not want to give Dukat any excuse to be more verbose than usual, but it is too late. Quark disappears, and Dukat approaches.
“Ah, Commander,” Gul Dukat preens. “How good of you to consent to dinner with me.”
Sisko says, “I follow my orders. Where’s Quark?”
Dukat says, “Surely we’re beyond the point of needing chaperones.” He sits down at the table, which is uncomfortably small. Sisko pulls his own chair back and settles down, four inches away. Dukat scooches in. A muscle twitches in Sisko’s jaw, but otherwise, he does not move.
Quark comes by holding candlesticks. Sisko, perturbed, says, “Is this really necessary? It’s just business.”
Quark says, “Sh. Now, gentleman!” He claps his hand. “For our first course, I’ll be serving you a Ferengi special—desiccated laka leaves with freshly-filleted tube grubs, in a fermented garlic wine sauce. I know how you liked my tube grubs, Dukat.”
Dukat smiles winsomely. It makes him look even more like an inbred greyhound than usual. Sisko is beginning to think he might want that whiskey after all.
Quark continues, “And then, for our main course—a simple crawfish boil, as you hew-mons say, with candied makati berries to keep it to our Cardassian tastes.” Quark winks, very obviously, to Dukat. Dukat’s smile grows wider.
Sisko, a bit disturbed, says, “Uh—why don’t we just leave it at the tube grubs, Quark.” It is not question. It is an order. “I have pressing business to attend to, and cannot stay for a whole three-course meal.” Pressing business like making sure Jake and Nog have done their homework and going over security reports with Odo, which he had planned to do tomorrow morning, but the less time spent with Dukat, the better.
Dukat says, “I agree. We want to get to the point of this meeting, don’t we?” He begins loosening his cravat.
Quark holds his clasped hands to his chest gleefully. “I quite agree!” He leans forward and lights the candles quickly. “I’ll just leave you two gentlemen to it.” He scampers away, leaving Sisko with a horrible feeling. This is going to be weird. With Dukat, it’s always weird.
As soon as Quark leaves, Dukat leans forward and attempts to pull his hand forward, upsetting the candle.
“Woah, man,” Sisko says, grabbing it as it spills wax onto Dukat’s hand. Dukat hisses, releasing him grip.
“Benjamin, if I may call you Benjamin,” Dukat begins.
“Commander is fine,” Sisko says. “Dukat, what—“
“In our long acquaintance, you have found me a constant and unfailing presence,” he says, stroking his horrific necktie. “Indeed, my interventions have been necessary, saving the life of you, your son, and this whole station on multiple occasion. Your barbs have been sharp, your repartee cunning, but as for me, I have shown mastery in every situation that you have needed me. Clearly it is time for us to admit all along that this dance is reaching its final, fated steps. The Emissary of the Prophets needs the Prefect of Major, and together—“
Sisko says, “Since when have you saved my life? You were an active inconvenience when the station was under lockdown, you have consistently attempted to take the station by force—“
Dukat smiles again. “Again, we dance, and the music plays on.” He waves a hand idly through the air. “O-Oh, Quaaark!” he trills. Quark comes running over. “Where are our drinks? Where is the music? Why isn’t there dancing?”
Sisko stares at Quark. “Because I said so,” Sisko says.
Quark points at Sisko. “Because he said so. Drinks coming right up!” He scurries away and comes back with a single bottle of kanar and two traditional hourglass glasses. He pours them both a glass, maintaining eye contact with Sisko the entire time.
Dukat says, “A toast.”
Sisko says, “Our sensors have not picked up any new activity from the Jem’Hadar. Do you have something to report, or are you just wasting my time?”
Dukat laughs lightly. “Oh, commander, save some of that for later.” A bit more threatening this time, he says, “A toast—to our partnership.”
Sisko says, “I don’t drink kanar. And I don’t drink with you, Dukat. Now, will you tell me what you’re blathering about or will you f—“
“Gentlemen!” Quark says, bearing tube grubs. “I hope I’m interrupting.”
Sisko says, “Don’t you mean…not interrupting, Quark?”
A beat passes. Quark inclines his head. “Sure.” He places a plate of freshly-filleted tube grubs before both of them, and then proffers what Sisko assumes is a pepper grinder. “Paprika?” Dukat, pained, nods. Vigorously Quark massages the grinder. It is a little obscene. He grunts as he begins to twist. Slowly, achingly, the flakes begin to drop.
Sisko says, “Please stop.”
Quark says, “Just setting the mood.” Sisko makes a face. “You want, too?” He makes for Sisko, who puts his hands up.
“I don’t like tube grubs,” he says sourly, eying Dukat. “I think our business is done here.”
“No!” Quark pounces. “You haven’t even gotten to your second course!”
Sisko turns to him. “Who’s paying you?” he demands. “What’s going on?” Quietly the Bajoran security officers in their wall-colored clothes each take a step forward, to make themselves known.
Dukat growls, “Quark, you’re ruining the moment.” He smiles unpleasantly. “Benjamin, please.” He takes his arm, but Sisko slaps his hand away.
“What’s gotten into you?” Sisko says. “What’s with the—necktie?”
Dukat preens. “What, this old thing? A mutual friend told me it was just the thing to attract the notice I desire. He gave me a book, you see, and really I must admit after reading it you humans are somewhat less unenlightened than I first imagined. More civilized than the Bajorans, at least.”
Sisko closes his eyes. “What book is that?” he says. “The Prince? Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Vanity Fair?”
Dukat says, “Better. And it would make me the happiest of men, beyond the proudest of men, the most prejudiced of men—“
“That,” Sisko interrupts, voice rising, “is not a good thing.”
Dukat ignores him. “The most sensible of men, the most full of sense of men, of all persuasions to finally enjoin you, Benjamin, finally to end this charade.” He grabs Sisko’s hand. “Benjamin! You are not a Darcy!”
“The fuck are you saying,” Sisko says.
Dukat stops. “Surely you know—“
Sisko says with finality, “No. I don’t.”
Dukat says, “But—“
“No,” Sisko says.
“You said—the necktie—he said—“
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Sisko says. “Eat your tube grubs.”
Gul Dukat tightens his cravat, and in silence they finish their meal. Catching Sisko in the replimat the next day, lunching with Julian as always, Garak asks Sisko what he thought of Dukat’s new passion for Jane Austen. Sisko shoots him a look so deadly he stops, eyes wide, and suddenly understands Dukat’s unrelenting lust.
“Well,” Garak says, shaking himself as Sisko stalks away. He pulls at his collar and them remembers himself. “That was…something, wasn’t it? Seeing our commander in a fury, in one look.” He leans forward, over the table. “You know, I don’t think Sisko like Jane Austen. Not nearly as much as Gul Dukat.”
Julian smiles wryly. He says, “Well, yes. Don’t you remember the situation with the ghost? He much prefers Wuthering Heights.” He looks at Garak, suddenly worried. “You’re not going to tell Dukat, are you?”
Garak smiles to himself. “I believe my one attempt at teaching him to be a man of culture is enough, my dear Julian.”
Julian frowns. “Shame. I thought we could have a book club.” He grins at the look on Garak’s face. “Get the boys all together. Act scenes out in the holosuites. Could be fun.”
Garak says, “No. Not with Gul Dukat. That cravat was enough.”
13 notes · View notes
quarkmonger · 2 years
Text
Omg this is going to be one of these episodes, lots of thoughts. Lots of moments.
Julian's reaction to being singled out for a major award is so relatable. Center or attention in a small group fine. Center of attention on a company wide scale? Nope sorry. Got some work needs doing.
I want to watch Quark slip into his coat on a loop. He slept in his clothes? Zek didn't even let Quark keep his pj's?
That glass of millipede juice is huge. It's be like a 15$ glass of juice in a restaurant. "Hold the shells.." I know it likely means the exoskeleton, but Ferengi millipedes having actual shells like snails is a cute thought. Like a big long backpack on it.
Rom I love you and your messy ass quarters.
- ... Teeth grinding and ear picking every night - do.. Are they sleeping in the same room?
Pakled refuse merchant! All the dozens of times I've watched this show and I never picked up on that reference.
I love this huge cracker lookin sculpture Rom has on his wall.
Goddammit why is every move Quark makes so sexy. He's just standing in a hallway gearing himself up to bother the Nagus and it's hot as hell.
I legitimately, unironically love Zek. His squeaky voice and giggles.
"I got rid of it" lmaooo. Poor Quark.
A Good Deed Is Its Own Reward - I'm surprised he didn't think it was written by Hu-mons.
He thinks this book is a code or has a secret and he licks it. How many other secrets have you uncovered that way sir?
How Quark says Devious plan like he's wooing a lover and *wiggles*
Maihar'du is so done. Just. Done. Give him his Nagus back.
It's no fun for the beetles! By talos the profits made the Nagus a preachy vegan.
The irony of 'the new ways' actually becoming the new ways once Rom is Nagus. He ends up saying the only place the new rules exist in inside my head. I bet he actually does remember them too.
AW the dart board makes its appearance! Idk why but something about the dart board being part of the show makes me happy. It's like such an earth game and it ending up in the bar is just perfect.
This is Rom's first real episode. His character makes a significant change from 'little lady, little lady' and this feels like the first time we really get to see him as him.
Zek giggling at Julians threat to Quark is one of the moments that always comes to mind when I think of the character.
Quark really is very clever figuring this all out and fantastically explaining his way around the need for greed leading to the extinction of all life to the prophets to land on if you want to be left alone then give me what I want.
WHERE'S MY BEETLE SNUFF!?
Rom is too good to Quark. He made enough profit for them both. He's going to share it with him even though he's such a jerk. Quark doesn't deserve such a good brother but I'm glad he's got one.
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helisol · 3 years
Note
Wait so.. link to this quodo fic you mentioned in your tags?? I’m intrigued :DD
its only an idea but i will HAPPILY ramble about it in detail under this read more because i never finish writing fics but i do love sharing my notes.
they get Pretty Extensive considering this clocked in at 2k words. so strap in.
tl;dr: karaoke night gone wild leads to garashir and quodo setting each other up for holodeck shenanigans
so basically quark has acquired a karaoke program. everyone on ds9 is going mad about it and it's keeping the holosuites booked out for weeks
the main squad decides to try it out and they just jam to a mix of human, klingon and bajoran music. but lets be real it's mostly human music because i have a mighty need to see captain benjamin sisko tear up the dancefloor to Earth Wind & Fire’s September. so sue me.
anyway everyone has to sing, even odo, even garak and they all have a blast. the only person who is notably absent is Quark because Quark has a bar to run and Quark can't indulge in mindless fun activities when he has money to make.
Unless… Odo challenges him and he has to prove that Odo is wrong.
so yeah quark checks on the gang to see how they like this “Hooman Kara-oke” and if he can sell them some drinks and everyone is like “hey you should sing. just one song. we won't even laugh about your bad ferengi singing! we promise!"
and quark is about to say "ferengi voices arent that bad. im still not gonna sing tho."
but odo is ahead of the game and insults his grating voice and how it could only be worse in song. and because this is quark he’s like “actually fuck you. now I WILL sing.”
so he snatches the mic from whoever was about to go next and fucking Crushes It. 
while odo starts Looking Respectfully everyone else is just going "woooooo! go quark!" which makes quark just get even more into it
Takes His Jacket Off, Drops It On The Floor, Dances With The Microphone Stand. The Works. and he's also enjoying himself like "haha! suck it odo! i'm a good performer, it's how I make money!"
until he actually looks at Odo and Odo is Looking Back and then he’s like “wait what the fuck why is he looking at me” and Promptly Messes Up A Step And Falls Off The Stage-
so now quark has a twisted ankle and julian has to take him to the infirmary, which bums out quite literally Everyone and the gathering disperses, leaving only Garak and Odo.
garak as we know is but a simple tailor, but he’s Observant and his little lizard eyes did spy odo looking at quark and making the soup-version of heart eyes. we also know he is the gayest bicth on this station so of course he’s going to poke and prod at odo to see how he reacts.
garak waits until everyone is out of the room and asks odo if he can walk the dear constable home to the ol’ bucket. because odo looked a little melty during quark’s performance, y’know. it’d be bad if he turned into soup on the promenade.
odo denies this, of course, so garak is like “oh great then we can have a Chat :)”
and odo goes "wait no i hate talking” but then they’re in garaks shop and drinking kanar and garak is getting drunk off his lizard ass and talking about Julian because, again, he IS THAT BITCH!
meanwhile in the infirmary, Julian is trying to take care of quark’s ankle, but since he’s nosy and kinda Knows that quark wouldn’t just mess up his steps for no reason he asks about that.
and quark loudly goes “NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS JUST FIX MY DAMN ANKLE-”
which of course turns the nosyness up to 11 and has julian going 👀
"no i mean uh- i was distracted" "distracted? by what?" "nothing" "distracted by nothing?" "FIX. MY. ANKLE."
so julian sits him down on a biobed and gets whatever medical thingie fixes ankles in the 24th century. and while he does that he offers quark some wine to loosen the tongue about what made him slip.
anyway one thing leads to another and before you know it quark and julian are wine-drunk sitting on the infirmary floor and talking about garak. which suits quark just fine because it means he doesn’t have to admit he fell because odo was looking at him like he just revealed all the secrets of the universe along with his bare arms when he took off his jacket.
so we have two sets of gay idiots getting drunk in two locations and the next morning two sets of gay idiots have hangovers. yes odo gets a hangover. being soup does not exempt him from it.
julian and odo do the right, logical thing and take some meds to go to work and be productive and garak shows up in the bar to fight fire with fire and finds quark Already Doing That. 
so they just sit next to each other, beating their hangovers with more alcohol, and they get to talking.
garak goes on about how he took odo home and pretty much only talked about julian all night and quark is like “wow what a coincidence, the doctor and i only talked about you all night.” 
and it's all downhill from there because basically quark and garak just figured out that the garashir pining is Mutual.
"wait, julian was looking at me???" "yes." "AND I WAS LOOKING AT JULIAN-" "Yes."
and then they hash out this elaborate scheme to trap julian and garak in one of the Spy holosuite programs until they make out. this is garak and quark planning. how could they NOT make an elaborate scheme involving holosuites.
anyway i promised quodo so i will keep the ‘garashir makes out in the holosuite’ section a lil more brief
so within the next two days these two gay bitches whip up a new “The Adventures Of Agent Bashir” program, but quark has ‘adjusted’ the program a little so that it only ends when the main characters kiss. fun stuff.
garak and julian go through the program, havin a blast being spies, but at the end garak’s character gets “shot”, and they are so immersed in the story that julian is Actually Concerned and garak Actually Acts like he's in pain.
they kiss, the program ends, and garak- not actually shot- goes “haha gotcha, you wanted to kiss me before i died” 
so they walk out the holosuite one hour after their time is already up with a lot of hickeys and untied bowties. hooray.
But That’s Not What We’re Here For.
after garak and julian come down from the high of getting together julian asks Just How and Why quark would agree to help with this. quark Never helps Unless he’s helping himself.
and they realised Quark Has Played Them Like Cheap Kazoos. he just wanted to take attention away from himself and the unanswered question of why he suddenly fell off the stage.
so they go "wait, if odo and quark were both lying and obscuring facts and being weird about this, doesn't that mean- ohhh"
and it boils down to them deciding to help those poor fuckers because they are apparently off even worse than they were in terms of mutual pining.
they also hash out an elaborate scheme. this time it involves odo’s never ending hard on for finding reasons to throw quark into jail.
since quark technically violated the holosuite rules by locking garak and julian in there garak goes over to odo to report the “Crime”
after some back and forth about Why In The World Garak, Friend And Tailor, would report a crime to odo that doesn’t affect anyone’s safety Odo heads to the bar to investigate the holosuites and if there really was criminal activity.
he doesn’t ask quark for permission, mostly because he’d never ask permission to snoop around in quark’s property but also because quark is actually not there at the moment. for Some Reason he’s being held up in the infirmary. Weird.
so odo is looking through the holosuite recordings of the last few days, and he runs through what garak said was the illegal activity of locking them in there and just goes "Ah, alright, i can throw him in a holding cell for that.” but then he sees a message left by garak.
it was apparently left there today so garak must have prepared this which means something is afoot. and the message just reads "the karaoke session was recorded and you might wanna check what Actually™ made quark trip :)"
to which odo reacts with "hmph. why should i care. maybe hes just messing with me and quark tripped over a cable." but Odo looks at it anyway. respectfully.
and he watches the whole performance up until the point where quark falls. Multiple Times. until he remembers that this is a criminal investigation and he finally looks at the part where he falls from quark’s perspective, which is the important one.
and he just. looks right at himself. looking at quark.
and holy shit. he looked at him like he was going to shove him against a wall, not to beat him up, but to make out with him. he straight up looked like he was going to mess him up but not with his fists.
so he stands right in front of quark and replays that moment to see quark’s reaction and analyse how he fell. and sure enough quark Saw Him and his knees gave out.
after that he really just wants to walk out and spend the next 30 hours as a houseplant to cleanse his mind of any quark-related thoughts but uh oh. when he opens the holosuite door Quark Is Right There.
and odo panics and just pulls him inside, accidentally re-initiating the spy program.
“But how did Quark happen to be there at just the right time?” i hear you ask well it was OUR MAN BASHIR
while garak was at odos place telling him to investigate quark’s wrongdoings, quark himself got called to the infirmary for a check-up on his twisted ankle.
and julian kept him there, examining his ankle over and over, until garak came in to Insinuate that Someone is snooping around in the holosuites.
so quark, yelling "NO COPS IN MY BAR", hurries over to the holosuites on his totally fine ankle and bada bing bada boom, here we are.
with two idiots stuck in a locked holosuite.
odo is like "QUARK WTF" meanwhile quark is like "ODO WTF"
"YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" "NO YOU LOCKED US IN A HOLOSUITE" ”well it was you who pulled me in here" "but it was you who designed it like this"
anyway to get out they have to go through the program somehow. quark and garak programmed this very carefully. unless they follow the general story, there’s no way out.
and at first quark says "listen, its okay, we just have to kiss" to which odo replies with that kinda look you’d get from someone if you told them to swallow a cactus whole, for fun.
"you heard me" "quark if this is a joke-" "its not. i made rom pull an all nighter to put in the new sensors." "you paid him for this???" "no." "right of course."
and after a very quick cheek kiss doesn’t end up doing the trick the two actually go through the program properly. except quark knows the script, cheats a little, takes shortcuts and totally doesnt impress odo by shooting a few hologram guards on the way.
so they get to the end, where they believe odo is supposed to get “shot”, but turns out they mixed up the roles and quark is the one who gets shot.
And Odo Doesn’t Know. The Safeties. Are. On.
so he tearfully goes "WAIT NO- QUARK!" and quark is like "odo...odo come closer..."
"yes, quark?"
"kiss me"
"quark please dont die i'll kiss you and we'll beam you straight to the infirmary and-" "ODO JUST KISS ME"
and then they kiss. the holosuite controls unlock and quark thinks ‘oh great, now we can leave-’ but odo doesnt stop kissing him
and he doesn’t Stop kissing him until quark actually speaks up and has to go "HEY IF THIS WERE REAL I’D BE DYING BY NOW-"
"what?" "the safeties are on. I didn’t get shot. you just had to kiss me to unlock the controls-"
and odo is like "QUARK"
and quark is like "ODO"
and then odo gets up and is very convinced that he Must Turn Into A Houseplant For A Ferengi Lifespan To Atone For His Sins.
but quark says “no, wait. can you do it again?”
"yelling at you?" "kissing me."
anyway odo finally gets to fulfill his fantasy of pushing quark against a wall and quark finally gets kissed by odo like hes dreamed of for like 15 years or however long ago it was that they were first on terok nor together during the cardassian occupation.
the end.
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chacusha · 3 years
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DS9 Companion liveblogging (3/14)
From 2x01 “The Homecoming” to 2x13 “Armageddon Game”:
“Quark’s alter-ego, Armin Shimerman, was delighted to discover that Season 2 would establish him as quite ‘a ladies’ man,’ with liaisons of one sort or another in ‘Rules of Acquisition’ and ‘Profit and Loss’ and numerous flirtations in between. ‘I believe Quark’s had more relationships than anyone else on the show,’ Shimerman notes with pleasure.” This is cute. I like how no one is a bigger booster of Quark and Ferengi than Shimerman <3
On Bajoran fashion: “Kira’s recreational garb in the episode [2x02 “The Circle”], and also her outfit from the mission to the Hutet labor camp in ‘The Homecoming,’ represent a deliberate shift in Bajoran costuming enacted by Costume Designer Robert Blackman. ‘The color palette remained the same, the rust, green, and gold earth tones, but the textures changed,’ explains Blackman. ‘During the first season, the clothes on background Bajorans were flat-finished,’ a reflection of what the producers liked at that time. But as the show moved into its second season, says Blackman, ‘they felt that the clothing needed to have a rougher texture, that the wardrobe looked too sleek, like something you’d see at the Sherman Oaks Galleria’—a place made notorious in the 1980s by Frank Zappa’s satirical song ‘Valley Girl.’ Thus, Blackman chose to use loose knits, crochets, and ‘things over things’ for Kira’s off-duty clothes, ‘so that you would get a kind of buildup of texture on a Bajoran background.’ Blackman notes that the shift in costume design had synergy with changes in the look of the station’s Promenade. ‘It became more bazaarlike, with banners and more neon. It had been too utilitarian, too perfect.’”
For 2x04 “Invasive Procedures”: I didn’t realize the woman guest star in this episode also played the scientist in “Little Green Men.” And Tim Russ was one of the Klingons in this episode!
Interesting notes here on how this episode reveals sides of the characters that hadn’t been seen before: Bashir showing genuine affection for Jadzia; Sisko handling a hostage situation and in an up-close fight; Jadzia young and vulnerable and afraid without the Dax symbiont in her; Quark going far beyond the harmless criminal schtick he normally has and Kira drawing a line with him.
It surprises me that 2x05 “Cardassians” is really Garak’s SECOND appearance. He appears in the second ep of season 1 and then disappears for a whole season?! He becomes such a regular part of the cast and his closeness with Bashir is so well established and convincing that I feel like I falsely remembered him being around more than he actually was (onscreen).
I feel a bit dumb but I didn’t realize that “laying pipe” had, like, a non-sexual meaning? Ira Behr: “How do we take Garak and lay pipe?” Me: Oh my.
Anyway, interesting note that this is the first episode to establish a link between the Cardassian characters, Garak and Dukat.
I like this note on Garak learning to see Cardassian politics through Bashir’s eyes:
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“When offers of wine and women fail to win over Kot, Quark appeals to Odo for help. Although the constable enjoys seeing Quark squirm, he agrees to look into the situation.” - More suggestive Quodo lmao.
I love everything about this:
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The episode synopsis in this book says “Odo had become even more suspicious a short time later when he spotted Pallra kissing Dukat.” I got confused because I was like, "I don’t remember THAT happening." Looks like it was in the script and probably filmed but was cut at the editing stage (I’m guessing):
Odo comes out of a turbolift... moves down the corridor... stops at a corner as he hears voices: PALLRA (O.S.) Goodnight. GUL DUKAT (O.S.) Trust me. You have nothing to worry about. Odo peeks around the corner to see Gul Dukat is standing at Pallra's door... kissing her... Odo moves back behind the wall, reacting. ANGLE - ON DUKAT AND PALLRA as they break their kiss, Dukat smiles and she goes inside... he walks toward Odo, turns the corner and as he passes where Odo used to be, there is now a picture on the wall of Dukat and it's crooked... he walks by it, then stops, looks curiously at the picture, straightens it and leaves.
(Interesting that this demonstrates Odo using his shapeshifting for the first time to discreetly observe people.)
Interesting notes on 2x09 “Second Sight” about why the episode was unexpectedly weak. Interesting because I also thought that episode was weak but I wasn’t sure why. The reasons listed in the book are that they changed the love plotline from Bashir to Sisko, and the terraformer character ended up changing quite a bit and eventually ended up more eccentric and egotistical rather than tortured. The first one I agree changes the story quite a bit because I feel like Sisko is a bit too sensible to get much attached to a nice woman he meets for like a few seconds at a time, but Bashir would probably be intrigued and easily drawn in. I think the episode is an important one for Sisko, though, because it indicates he’s started to heal from Jennifer’s death, but other than that, the emotional stakes just seemed off/not there.
Interesting notes on all the Trek actor connections there are in the 2x10 “Sanctuary” episode.
“But somehow, aside from some positive comments about the racquetball sequences, the episode [2x11 “Rivals”] seems to have struck out with both viewers and crew. ‘Our e-mail fans really liked the tight suit that Bashir wore in the matches.’ Robert Hewitt Wolfe grins. ‘They liked that a lot.’” - lmao
I kind of liked "Rivals," though? It's not a very memorable episode if I'm being honest, but I liked seeing a character who is as slimy as Quark and the Bashir/O'Brien one-sided rivalry was comedy gold, and it's an important episode for establishing their relationship?
I did not know that the swindler character in this episode was the same race as Guinan, and originally intended to be her son! Also, he was originally conceived as a recurring rival for Quark, but the competitive dynamic didn’t really gel between the two so that was dropped. Probably okay, though, since we eventually got Brunt instead.
Interesting how there originally was the idea for Rene Auberjonois to play both Odo and Mora, and for Armin Shimerman to play both Quark and Ishka (lol), but in both cases the time-consuming makeup procedure made that intractable.
Not much to say about 2x13 “Armageddon Game” except it’s another good Bashir and O’Brien episode and Rosalind Chao is a great actress.
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