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#femininity means different things to different people n like a lot of femmes are very gnc (to womanhood)
cruelsister-moved · 3 years
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not trying to gatekeep i just literally don't understand this idea of like... for want of a better phrase, treating butch and femme as entire genders and then being gnc to them because like 1. they're already inherently gnc by being lesbian roles so you're not doing something radical here and 2. they're social sexual roles so performance and presentation IS basically an inseparable part of them enough that like a "masculine femme" is completely meaningless where a masculine woman is completely rational
#and idk how to rationalise my thoughts abt this without like a whole essay#esp since butch and femme also have double meanings AND a lot of times ppl don't realise they aren't using the same meanings as eachother#but yeah especially since no one is ever expected to be butch/femme and like performing it has no benefit in society and stuff like#I feel like ppl r applying the same kind of rhetoric as like 'don't deny my womanhood just because I don't want to conform to femininity'#but.....womanhood and femininity are separable categories. butch/masc and femme/feminine like rely on those concepts#femininity means different things to different people n like a lot of femmes are very gnc (to womanhood)#but the idea of u know being like oh Im a femme and I hate dressing femininely and shit it's just like....#so are u a femme then?#like im not trying to be mean but it just doesn't make sense why u would Ídentify with like#An entirely optional label#if you don't feel comfortable with the implication of that label#and like there isn't really a way of going around '[#'subverting' butch/femme that doesn't end up basically treating them as male/female and like I fucking hate the conflation of femme/woman#its just silly to me like they don't need subverting because. they aren't forced on people or like wielded the way gender is#so it's like harmless that they're somewhat rigid and 2D like that's fine bc if ur not that then u just don't need to id as that#ALSO. I'm a femme who doesn't shave or really wear me#makeup so it's not that I'm saying u must perform hyperfemininith to b#be femme
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hanjifuck · 3 years
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.˚。⋆ ༊ .˚。⋆ stray kids ideal types - series .˚。⋆ ༊ .˚。⋆
bang chan version ʕっ•ᴥ•ʔっ
based on their birth charts! s2
✧*:.。. t/n: i'll be using SIDEREAL astrology on this one. it's also important to say that when we talk about romance in astrology we have to fully analyse the couple's birth charts individualy at first and only then apply compatibility analysis so we're able to check out the synastry overlays.
✧*:.。. t/n: kinda proofread. <3
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the basics:
someone who has sun in virgo or in the 5th house;
aquarius and gemini moons are the ideal but aries moon is also great, libra is good, leo and sagittarius moons are a maybe. capricorn and cancer moons are absolutely a no;
venus in virgo, scorpio, cancer or capricorn;
mercury in virgo (or capricorn/taurus).
obviously there's way more aspects to look into to see if a relationship would work but i'd rather not go too deep into it right now.
a person who's patient and honest. he takes his time into getting to know you before he commits. so, when he does commit, there’s no room for him to change his mind. he's worthy of a romance novel. he will make sure that the bond is strong and stable for both.
someone who's good at communicating, reading people's intentions and has a good sense of humour. he tends to use his voice to express himself and he's such a sweet talker when it comes to romance. communication and intellectual rapport are his thing, so it's important for him to have someone who he can talk to. so good at covering it up his intentions or even lying (but you guys didn't hear this from me), except that he tends to tell the truth in almost any and every situation. he loves to tell stories and to see the smile and hear the laugh of the loved one.
a partner who's not afraid of commitment and long term relationships. listen to me, this man is looking for a soulmate connection, someone to pay him due attention. he's a romantic at heart and has a strong need for love in his life, it being his ultimate driving force, a passionate lover and he knows how to maintain the flame of true love. without love he would be nothing.
someone who knows how to talk to people and be pleasant during social situations.
someone who's highly vulnerable and revealing with him, ONLY.
a person who's adventurous. he does not know how to stay still, he wants to expand and has a hedonistic type of approach to how fun should work in a relationship. he can't be more happy then when his able to impress you with his creative side. if you like an intellectual approach to life you will love it as well.
a positive person, someone who's optimistic and make things seem easy.
an intense, bold, strong-willed and powerful person. would love a partner who knows how to stand up for themselves. he wants besides him a person who can make the world kneel in front of them.
someone who will do anything to seduce him.
someone who challenges him (in a good way, ofc). he loves to be dared as he sees it as stimulating, a reason to try even harder, to put even more effort in. he's prop to play mind games (maybe manipulating, even if it's not his intention, since he makes everything sound so wonderful). often fueled by curiosity and a desire to control/possess others for himself *only with those who he actually loves since he sees romance/sex as super meaningful, on a soul level thing, and focus 100% on the person he loves.
emancipated, educated and high intelligent individuals. a pretty face will never be enough, sorry. virgo sun in the 5th house? pfffff this man is a genius.
someone who's younger or appear youthfu/has a youthful personality. he needs a eager-to-learn-and-to-enjoy-life-with-him person. channie's prone to take up the dominant/leading role in a relationship as well. it's like he has this strong pedagogical (?) side to him (and once again my theory that he would be a teacher if he wans't in the entertainment business is proven right ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)
a person who's not avoidant or keeps to many secrets. if you keep stuff away from him he may misinterpret things quite easily.
a partner who's as clingy as he is. channie does not stand being alone for too long. he needs your warm touch and gentleness.
a freedom-lover type of person, someone who seeks inspiration and fun. he's extremely motivated and light-hearted, very flexible and adaptative.
a person who knows how to encourage him. basically someone who knows his intentions almost better than he does. he has a need for validation and appreciation cus sometimes he fixates on certain ideias but doesn't have what it takes to go further with it.
someone who would enjoy having kids, taking care of them, educating them together, and is family-oriented. he would love to have a partner who's as excited as he is to mentally stimulate his kids. very inclined to having lots of children. he wants someone who has the potential to go all the way to the finish line. man's want commitment.
a person who's charming, "feminine", sensuous and romantic. he's not interested in a person who is crude. he has strong yang energy on his birth chart so it's a good thing if your chart is yin energized. the whole thing about lighting up candles, putting on some romantic music is important to him. may be enticed by a person who has an overly sexual appearance (SPECIALLY if you have scorpio sun or rising), femme fatales (the energy, not necessarily a woman) are just right for him. maybe someone quite mysterious as well.
someone who's painfully monogamy. you can trust him on remaining faithful, as long as his partner do the same. trust is important for him and when it comes to love, it's absolutely essential. if you don't want to lose him forever you shouldn't break his confidence. he rarely has any interest in casual encounters, not being the type to take different people home every night. loyalty is such a turn-on for him, cute. he wants to be only yours, so he expects the same from you, not wanting you to even look at other people. the more committed to him, the deepest his love is.
someone who's not shy. he’s a non-conformist, private person and rather do his own things, away from the public eyes. remember when he said he usually likes "dark things"? man wasn't lying. he knows exactly who he is and what he likes even tho society might shun him for it. however, he does not care. <3
a person who's devoted and dependable, who's also ready to work by his side. someone who knows how to handle his possessiveness and maybe even suspections. just be honest with him and patient enough to put him at ease, assuring him that he's the only one who deserves your attention and love. his jealousy may be really tricky.
okay, this dude has mars and venus conjunct pluto in scorpio. do you guys know what this means? i would DIE to make this man love me!!!!!!!!! help. he will be SOOO OBSESSED WITH THE PERSON HE MARRIES, IT'S INSANE KDISADJADNAUS HELP ME.
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belzinone · 5 years
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sexuality & gender diversity headcanons.
// this turned out... so very... L O N G. so answers under the cut <3
@rulerofthesewalls​ asked:
when did your muse first realise they’re not attracted to the gender(s) that they aren’t?
// her mother risa was always pushy about growing up and marrying a rich dude they could mooch off of. despite being a bi disaster herself and spending most of her youth in an arguably feminist tirade, she pushes a lot of sexist ideas onto her daughter as a half-joke. bel always brushed her off, but as everyone around her started getting crushes and dating and talking about how hot they thought people were, she just couldn’t relate. she wasn’t into people the conventional way or felt “human” urges the way other people did. it probably really hit home for her when she tried to “fix” herself by forcing herself into an intimate relationship with a guy she hardly knew, yet everyone around her seemed to consider conventionally attractive. it probably didn’t last very long at all and left her with the impression that there was something wrong with her. her issue wasn’t that she experienced same gender attraction, rather she experienced no superficial attraction at all.
when did your muse first become aware that they’re not cis?
// it started to hit her sometime around puberty, when her body started changing into something she didn’t feel like was hers. she wouldn’t have had the vocabulary to explain her feelings, nor would she have known it was aberrant enough to warrant mention. it was really easy to conflate feelings of minor dysphoria with being body conscious and having poor self esteem, which is what she thought was going on. her starting to bind was probably more of a teller, yet she didn’t really know why her breasts bothered her so much. it wouldn’t help that dressing them up in private helped her feel better, but as soon as she was in company again, resigned to intense shame. because she could never feel one way about herself, it was hard for her to pinpoint exactly what it was that confused her so much about her body.
how much does your muse’s gender identity and presentation differ from one another? is this a source of issues, or does the relationship between the two feel natural?
// it depends on where she is, but it changes. sometimes, she dresses really androgynously and binds. other times, she dresses up like a high femme. her true gender identity is somewhere between the two, but she finds herself caught between the way she wants to present herself and the way she thinks she is. she doesn’t feel “woman” enough to dress really feminine but doesn’t feel completely comfortable dressing more masculine or binding either.
how does your muse feel about not being cis or straight? are they content with it, proud, ashamed? would the situation be the same if the culture or surrounding support systems were different?
// currently, she’s not concretely aware that she’s queer. if she knew her source of discomfort with her body and her identity had a name, she’d probably find peace in it and even devote herself to activism. it’s complicated for her, though, because she’s not even “conventionally queer” in the sense that she’s not concretely gay or trans or even bi. her sexuality is defined by a lack of one and her gender is also defined outside the binary.
// her issues from feeling “woman enough” are also both identity and biologically driven. she has a pituitary adenoma, which throws off her hormones and renders her infertile as a result (she also doesn’t menstruate). however, she has an intense desire to want to be a mother and in not being biologically capable of doing so (without medical intervention or a miracle) she feels like she’s a failure of a woman.
// if society as a whole didn’t put such harsh gender stereotypes on women (to exist for the purpose of producing children and solely for male consumption), she probably would have a much easier time existing outside of the normative. furthermore, if the queer community itself wasn’t so hell bent on gate-keeping the more marginal identities (namely, aspec and nonbinary) she’d have a much easier time discovering she wasn’t alone and just as valid as anyone else.
what are your muse’s feelings towards stereotypes relating to their identity? do they affect their self-image, or how they perceive others?
// before figuring out her identity, she’d believe that she’s frigid, broken, and inhuman, some things wrongfully attributed to people on the ace spectrum. (her wallflower name reflects this. it’d be so awesome to write her reclaiming it omg) it’d trouble her immensely, but she wouldn’t know what else to do but accept the rhetoric people place on her: that her general lack of drive makes her inhuman. deep in the back of her mind, however, it’d hurt her because she’s completely capable of experiencing platonic love (as well as minor sexual and romantic attractions depending on her interactions.)
// with regards to her demi identity, a lot of people invalidate it as just being a “tomboy”, which isn’t necessarily true. she wouldn’t like being called a boy at all and find it really offensive, triggering even because that’d tap into her feelings of inadequacy as a woman. being a tomboy is also considered “cool” (as opposed to boys being feminine being considered shameful but that’s a whole other deal) and it upsets her to think that someone would think her inner turmoil as something to be proud of.
@shuuhuu​ asked: // about 18 & 7
how does their family feel about the matter? friends? coworkers?—and does their thoughts matter to your muse?
// risa might be a little disappointed to learn that she might not have grandkids (more so that she’s less likely to have a sugar son-in-law lol) but otherwise won’t have much to say about bel being ace. she’d lowkey mourn the loss of having that part of her identity in common with her, but on the other hand, bel would be a little glad that she doesn’t share her mother’s wild sexuality.
// her brother, however, would more than overcompensate for their mother’s lack of enthusiasm. he’d be fiercely protective of and coddle her in a bit of a problematic way that’s infantilizing, but bel would appreciate it nonetheless. however, if she does ever find herself in a relationship in a verse where her brother’s still alive, he’d be a terror and get on her nerves. all he’d want is to make sure her partner (more likely a boyfriend to warrant his most extreme responses) isn’t pushing her too hard or causing her much trouble, but bel’d think he was taking his paranoia way to far and even interfering with her self discoveries.
// as for her friends and coworkers, they probably wouldn’t know unless they were more closely related to her personal life. she’d stay quiet during certain conversations and casually admit that she’d have nothing to contribute to the discourse of who was the current hottest celebrity. if the situation ever came that she could open up, she’d do so very slowly and carefully, since being aspec and demifem isn’t nearly as mainstream as being gay or trans or nonbinary even.
how public is your muse about their gender / sexuality / romantic attraction?
// convoluted as they seem even within the queer community, as soon as she figures out that labels that suit her exist, bel’d be publicly out to any circumstance that calls for it. she certainly wouldn’t be as out as i am or even make jokes about it, but if the situation’s safe enough she wouldn’t necessarily hide her identity. if anything, she’d refrain from talking about it at length. surely, she wouldn’t go through the trouble of explaining what her identity means to someone. if they’re not already familiar with the terms, she won’t make a big deal about it. it’s a can of worms she’d rather not open unless she was 100% confident said person wouldn’t react poorly to it.
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hakuteeth · 5 years
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Harry Styles and the Concept of Gender
I have a lot of thoughts and I wanted a place to lay them all out so I’m sorry this is gonna be probably indecipherable but disclaimer I’m not saying harry is a gender he’s not this is just really exploring the concept of freedom with or without gender and expression of oneself thru clothes not so much about identity but the wider concept of the binary based around my own interpretations of it. A femme take on femininity thru a white man’s exploration of gender if u will so if u dont like that i dont care
also.... ive never taken a queer studies class but I love sociology so..... all these connections I make are from my own knowledge and arent meant to box harry in...
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Gender defined from a sociological standpoint is based around how we behave and what actions we are expected to perform and for the most part a little give and take people can stick within this binary as it can be safe and comfortable and black and white. What’s interesting is when people step outside the norm and are more willing to explore that grey area that most people simply dont understand. This is interesting because it extends beyond clothing or makeup as most people don’t realize a man wearing makeup does not subvert gender because the gender binary is also inherently shackled to the concept of heteronormativity just as a woman completes a man, the soft counterpart to his masculine ways. 
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Harry Styles and the concept of gender started for me with a dress. It never quite occurred to me that harry would wear a dress and reading the rolling stone article that harry had worn or would ever wear something quite as feminine as that. I think for a lot of people solo Harry Styles was a strange and beautiful uncharted territory of course many people came to suspect the new age rock n roll harry had to usher in but what’s fun is not so much deconstructing Harry as a soft rockstar but the idea that Harry has a femininity to him something I never saw until I noticed it everywhere in his clothing and even more interesting his actions.
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The most interesting thing is Harry doesn’t quite believe in a gender binary when it comes to fashion possibly attributed to Alessandro Michele’s take on gender or perhaps the work of a really good stylist but I think if anything Harry also believes in that mission that gender could be redefined within the confines of fashion.
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Harris Reed described his vision and Harry ended up wearing five different looks on his world tour introducing a student and relatively unknown LGBT designer to the masses and Harris has went on to say that Harry completely understood the connection clothing gender and sexuality have all shared since the dawn of fabric and it’s interesting when one also thinks about the time and effort this collaboration took considering Harris designed all these looks himself over a very short period of time. Harry wasn’t looking for somebody to dress him as what we normally see male popstars wear onstage, he was looking for a risk.
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Gender like most things is more complicated than somebody might think. It extends beyond putting on a funky print before leaving the house it’s about the mannerisms, the actions, the behavior of the individual and the overall societal imprint. And Harry’s always been a bit softer than most. He’s always displayed his self as overwhelmingly kind to the point it makes my teeth hurt sometimes and he’s never overbearing. He’s quite quiet and subtle for somebody who can wear a loud pink custom gucci suit. 
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Since 2013 he never shied away from looking or being a bit more feminine and he’s always exuded this calming energy or at least I believe if he had an aura it would definitely be soft pink. During his 2018 tour, every night he would tell fans that they were allowed to be whoever they wanted be in that room and it was all about fostering this environment where crying is manly and babies could choose their own gender  (which he said twice on tour). Also something that sticks out quite vividly is when a fan told him his mermaid has saggy boobs and he replied that everybody should love themselves. 
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“We are men!” Then he prances away. That’s always how I picture Harry now him using his kilt to curtsey or him twirling like a ballerina on a football pitch. The concept of gender has extended more beyond fashion and into comfortability but also exploring what somebody may not be comfortable with at first but finding they quite like it. 
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When men wear nail polish or when you gift your boyfriend flowers for valentines day. It all lies inside the confines of gender. Subverting gender doesnt mean men should wear makeup but it encompasses a vast majority of actions AND behavior or as I like to call it being a bit softer than most. Men have a tendency to bathe themselves in aggression and to assert their dominance and I’m not saying Harry can’t be masculine as well. One of his favorite hobbies is boxing but even then I’d argue that’s less about aggression and more about control and analytical power where taking down an opponent requires more than brute strength.
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I believe there’s power in being feminine and there’s power in owning yourself, 100%, and what’s interesting is Harry is the one who taught me that. I think a lot of people see Harry as this mysterious figure and while he is more private than some people would like I also think he’s shown us a lot about himself and it all depends on us to draw our own conclusions. The thing is I don’t like Harry cause I think he subverts gender or I think he’s feminine. I like him cause he’s authentically himself without any concern for others and he’s different. I’m not a man I present as a woman so I’m subjected to an oppressive environment. I am wary at people who are unwilling to learn who are afraid of stepping outside the box ANY box and hold themselves so tight they can barely move. I see Harry as somebody who moves freely.
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I could make an entire essay on Harry and the concept of heteronormativity but I’m going to stick with toeing the line on gender for right now but I do believe a lot can be said for cis heterosexuality and attending a harry styles concert. It felt a bit like a pride parade which was interesting how somebody who essentially had for years this show of heterosexuality somehow ended up being followed by lesbians and bisexual women as well as many gay and trans men fans. 
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Well it’s not that hard to see. Harry’s concerts are more celebrations of being yourself and I’ve never seen Harry ever discourage that or shy away from defending his fans to him we are a group of strong men and women and girls are the future. Once again bringing the concept back to the gender binary, girls can do anything despite being told they are only good at some things.
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I don’t think this vision of Harry is a product of fan pressure. I think Harry genuinely supports things like LGBT rights and I think he believes in it just as much as we do I can’t ever imagine him not doing so. He made pride merch and wasn’t getting a cent of it because it was all donated to an LGBT charity to benefit youth in schools. If we’re talking in the ways in which Harry explores gender the number 1 community for that has always been the LGBT community historically we tend to fuck around with the concept of gender so it’s not surprise to me that’s a community Harry advocates for. 
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Harry’s solo career from the beginning has been about reinventing masculinity. He wore a women’s suit for his album photoshoot and bathed in flowers and pink lemonade for his album cover and though his album had some rock n roll tropes he’s never shied away from talking about women’s rights or lgbt rights. And even within One Direction Harry never felt like just another man to me. He’s somebody special. Not afraid of vulnerability, not afraid of being called gay, not afraid of expressing who he is thru clothing. 
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To me it’s always felt like Harry wanted people to know this is who I am you can take me or leave me. Harry I feel is somebody willing to take risks putting himself in a dress in a booklet as tour merch. Saying we’re all a little bit gay on tour. Like moths to a flame outsiders are drawn to him at least I was. 
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To me Harry Styles is carving out a place for himself in a world that can be very rigid. Harry isn’t following anybody’s path but his own setting out to reinvent rock n roll and always and forever being a bit softer than most. It’s an admirable trait in a world that has become quite scary as of late. 
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teledild0nix · 5 years
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dracoofficial replied to your post: i feel like i mostly see Black folks saying “women...
i see a lot of white people doing it and like. ugh. i don’t like it? i don’t like it. because it’s such a weird way to just say women and women-aligned people because it very much does insinuate that butches and masc women are not women, even if that’s not really the way people mean it
rlly i feel like i mostly see Black ppl doing it ! (i believe u i just think it’s interesting that our experiences n perceptions are different) i don’t like the term women-aligned for myself personally although i don’t really like femme either like it’s frustrating that i’m specifically rejecting the binary n i still get it imposed on me. ppl think i’m more like a woman than a man i guess like rlly? n according to whom? by what metric? i’m neither!! but the thing is that language is imperfect n we don’t have great ways of referring to like nonbinary ppl who are perceived as feminine (tho i also feel like i sometimes see feminine gay men use it to refer to themselves but again like only amongst Black folks). 
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fictolotus · 5 years
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faq
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q: what's self shipping? what's an f/o? what a s/i?
a: self shipping is exactly what is says on the tin - shipping yourself with fictional characters. for many people, including myself, it's a coping mechanism. f/o is short for "fictional other", a play on s/o or "significant other", n it's a character you self ship with. s/i stands for "self insert", or a character who is basically you that is in the source's universe.
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q: why do you go by multiple different names?
a: well, my actual name is rory. i used to go by keith, n key is a shortening of that (kei, but spelled differently). lotus is just a cute nickname based on my url. i've gone by several other names in the past, most notably cas and cash, but i don't really use those anymore.
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q: i'm confused about your sexuality!
a: i'm multisexual, mlm/vincian, nln/diamoric, and wlw/sapphic. i call myself both omni + bi!
i'm aromantic, which means i don't experience romantic attraction. i'm aromid, which means that i share experiences with alloaros + aroaces due to me being acespec (greyace, specifically)!
i am also fictosexual + fictoromantic. i know these are controversial labels to some people, but they're very important to me; n as they were originally coined for aspec people, i refuse to feel guilty about using them.
i am attracted to fictional characters regardless of gender, but i have a preference for men + enbies, probably due to my irl preference in attraction.
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q: wait, if you're transmasculine and agender, how come your s/i(s) look so feminine?
a: i'm extremely gnc (gender non-conforming) and i'm a femme. i actually dislike looking super masculine - the only reason i wear masc stuff irl is so i pass. however, since my s/is are fictional, i can have them wear anything i want, and they will never be misgendered no matter how feminine they are!
also, all of my s/is have had or end up having top surgery (or the magic equivalent), so i don't usually draw them in binders unless i'm drawing a backstory. this is partially to relieve my dysphoria (i desperately want top surgery lmao) and partially to open up new outfit options. but hey, if you were wondering what the scars on my s/is chest in every canon are from, now you know!
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q: what do the acronyms on your f/o list stand for?
a: they're acronyms for the source material! here's a list of the full names!
NDRV3 - New Danganronpa V3: Killing Harmony
SDR2 - Super Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair
DR: THH - Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
BNHA - Boku No Hero Academia
DDLC - Doki Doki Literature Club
UT/DR - Undertale/Deltarune
YTTD - Your Turn To Die
MC - Minecraft
SDV - Stardew Valley
STH - Sonic The Hedgehog
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q: why do you use [certain pronouns] for [f/o]?
a: as a trans + nonbinary person, i headcanon a lot of my f/os as trans and/or nonbinary. here's a list of my (headcanoned) nonb f/os, the gender headcanon, n the pronouns i use!
Izuku Midoriya - Bigender - Any pronouns
Rantaro Amami - Genderfluid - Any pronouns
Sayori - Demigirl - She/they
Mina Ashido - Feminine Xenogender - She/xe
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q: you said you're neurodivergent/mentally ill, but how?
a: i have the following conditions (in order of how much i use this blog to cope with them):
madd (maladaptive daydreaming disorder)
bpd (borderline personality disorder)
hpd (histrionic personality disorder)
trauma, possible c-ptsd (complex post-traumatic stress disorder)
anxiety disorders (generalized and social)
schizophrenia/psychosis
mdd (major depressive disorder)
did (dissociative identity disorder)
also, as mentioned in my about, i'm on the autism spectrum.
some of these are professionally diagnosed, some i'm in testing for, n some are self diagnosed.
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q: you said you're disabled, but how?
a: i have scoliosis + other crap that causes me chronic pain. a lot of activities are difficult for me because of that. i tend to be very self-consious about my disability, n hide it well, even when my symptoms and pain are really bad. i would consider myself to be "invisibly disabled".
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q: what is [insert group on my dni]?
a: it's probably a discourse term for a group of bad peope. please ask off anon or message me if you need an explanation; but keep in mind that this is a coping blog n it may take me a while to answer questions abt negative things.
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q: i have a question that's not on this list!
a: send me an ask or a dm! please understand that interaction with others is hard for me n i run out of spoons very quickly, so i likely won't answer right away. it's nothing against you, i'll get to it!
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soupsandwichpizza · 5 years
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Fundamental Shifts in Self Realization
I hate being called “Sir”. I hate it with such a passion that it makes me want to turn on the person saying that to me and verbally eviscerate them.
But I also don’t like being called “Ma’am”. While my reaction to this is somewhat less evocative, it is nonetheless, a negative reaction all the same.
What would I prefer in place of “Sir” or “Ma’am”? I have no fucking clue.
After so much time being seen as male, it’s been like a soothing balm to finally be seen as female. I’ve been able to explore aspects of myself that I’d previously shut down and pushed away from my center. I’ve swung from very masculine into very feminine, almost as a reaction to my being forced to be something I’m not for so many decades. I’ve stayed there for a while now, but I’ve been slowly stepping down from hyper-femme into what I’m now calling enby-femme. For those who don’t know, enby is literally the letters ‘N’ and ‘B’, and it stands for “non-binary”. Which is to say, I’m feminine, but not entirely.
The binary definition of gender that we accept in our society today tells us that you are either MALE or FEMALE. While I’ve known since the beginning of my journey that there are those outside the binary, like many of us, I’ve had a hard time accepting anything outside the gender binary box. I was able to accept it and respect it in others, but to consider that I could be non-binary myself? Psssshht! Naw, that’s just silly!
And why?
Fear.
I was afraid that I wouldn’t be seen as valid, that if I was anything other than hyper femme, people would say that I’m not transgender.
I was afraid to go less than “all the way”. I couldn’t let myself land somewhere in the middle, because anywhere in the middle between the binary of male and female was unacceptable by society.
I was afraid that I wouldn’t be taken seriously and that the parts of me which are masculine would over shadow my femininity.
So, as far as I can tell, this is how things are for me right now. And, I say right now because it can change. Transition is a journey, some would say the ultimate journey, of self-discovery. I know more about myself now than I’ve ever thought possible. And I’ve come to believe that humans are always evolving, always adapting, always changing depending on a lot of different factors. The core of who we are may stay the same, but as we get older, we begin to distill who we are into an ever more concise definition of the kind of person we’ve always been. And so, here is the person I have been distilled into in this place and this time.
Male pronouns piss me off. They cause angst, anxiety, and an expectation that I’m supposed to be something that I’m not and something that I could never be. It’s something that I tried very hard to be for a very long time and it fills me with dread, depression, and hatred of myself whenever they are directed at me. Because I tried to live up to a standard that was impossible for me to achieve. Because I’m not male, never was, and never could be.
Female pronouns are okay. In fact, they were great at first! But more and more, I find that they aren’t entirely accurate. I prefer they be used over male pronouns, obviously, but they are also not painting the correct picture. Think of it like when someone looks much younger than they actually are and how they are okay being referred to as a girl, but they really wish people would start talking to them like an adult. It’s kind of like that, it’s close, but doesn’t quite fit.
So, what would I prefer? Right now, I’m good with They/Them/Their. I don’t care if you don’t like it or think it’s odd or grammatically incorrect (pro-tip: it isn’t!) The more I think about it, the more I like these pronouns.
Does this mean I’m going to de-transition or stop where I’m at? HELL NO!!
I like looking like a woman. I think I look a hundred times better than I did before! And I have every intention of going through with my bottom surgery in the spring! And I have every intention of having another Facial Feminization Surgery when I can afford it! And I have every intention of getting to be a C cup even if I have to pay for that surgery too!
But if you’ve been paying attention to my FB account, you’ll notice that I’ve not been very feminine lately. You’ll notice that I stopped posting pictures of myself for a long while there and it’s only recently that I’ve begun to post pictures again. And it isn’t because I don’t like makeup or looking cute. I love looking cute! But I also like looking bad ass and mean occasionally. I like being tough, I like knowing that I can do a lot of “guy things” better than most guys! And I don’t think that my self-image should have to bend to the will of society when society can’t even get it’s act together on something as basic as equal rights and basic human decency!
So, if you know me, if you call me your friend, I ask that you please use the They/Them/Their pronouns for me. If you slip up and use She/Her/Hers, not a big deal, I just appreciate the effort. But if you slip up and use He/Him/His? You best make an apology real quick, and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I appreciate your support in this everyone, thanks for being so awesome!
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whattoputonyourface · 7 years
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hi, im a guy who is interested in presenting more gender-neutral, but im ok with leaning femme. i have oily acne prone skin. My skincare routine is nearly nonexistent aside from basic moisturizers and cetaphil. Any advice for baby steps into the skincare world?
(GENERIC DISCLAIMER TIME: I am going to talk in very gender essentialist terms for the purposes of this post. Obviously, “men” and “women"/"masculine" and "femme"/"feminine" are mutable and fraught categories that don't make a lot of sense for a lot of people. But that's a hard thing to address in a post about Stridex and highlighter. I just wanted to say that I think gender is weird, and it's also weird that we talk about it like it isn't weird all the time. ok bye)
OK. Hi! I've written about this before, and I don’t mean this to be rude, but skincare is not “femme”! Men’s skin and women’s skin are pretty much the same, and stepping up your skincare routine won't change your gender presentation - it’ll just make your skin look clearer, softer, and younger, which I think is something people of all genders want. Here’s a post I wrote about men’s skincare needs and why a lot of skincare stuff marketed toward men is actually not good for your skin. Moisturizer and cetaphil are a great start! If you’re oily and acne prone, a great thing to try is a salicylic acid exfoliating product. You apply it to clean skin, wait a couple minutes (try for at least 10-15), then apply your moisturizer. I use Stridex and it makes a huge difference - I went without it for a month when I moved and my skin was nuts. 
BUT anyway, I want to talk a little bit about makeup for people who are not interested in presenting or passing as female, because I think that might be what you’re alluding to when you’re talking about your presentation here. So many conventional makeup techniques are about feminizing the face, but it needn’t be used for that! 
Also, I just watched the premiere of Game of Thrones, and I was really feeling Theon’s whole Guy in a British indie rock band in the early 2000s” look. Male makeup is gonna make a comeback, I feel it in my bones!
So there’s a couple angles to take here, depending on what your goal is - if you just want to use makeup to make subtle changes to your face and/or skin, or to make you appear a little more androgynous without looking like you’re trying for a drag look (not that there’s anything wrong with that, but that IS about feminizing a male face, and there’s lots of resources out there if that’s something you’re interested in), I have some suggestions. 
If you're a man curious about trying makeup, the first thing I’d recommend is trying out some kind of tinted primer. Tinted primers tend to be less focused on the pigmentation than foundation, so it won’t turn your face all one color, like foundation would (Generally speaking, and this goes for people of all genders, avoid foundation unless you’re going to be putting more color, like blush and contour, on top of it). Tinted primers are more about evening out your skin tone and slightly softening areas of discoloration. A tinted moisturizer or bb cream could also give you this look, but I think that might be too much pigment for a dude unsure about makeup and it’s not as focused on softening texture (male skin tends to be a little thicker and rougher than female skin). Primed and poreless tinted primer from too faced is a good option for fair to darkish medium skin tones. Another subtle “I’m not wearing makeup-makeup” skin tweak is undereye concealer. If you feel like you look haggard or tired, or you get those purplish bags under your eyes, you might want to give concealer a try. You can either match your skin tone, or pick a color slightly warmer and lighter to bring a little bit of light to the center of your face. Concealers can be a little tricky to blend - watch some youtube videos if you’re curious (yes, you can learn how to do this from a woman - it’s exactly the same process, although you really should only be using a tiny bit. A lot of youtube ladies go HAM with the concealer which looks nice on a face full of makeup but if it's the only thing you're using, use it sparingly). As far as makeup that might actually make a male face look more masculine while still being subtle - I think almost everybody looks good with darker, bolder eyebrows. I’m sort of surprised more men don’t fill them in! For this, since you’re still going for subtle, I would use a brow powder like this one from maybelline for a soft, diffused sort of look - you don't want anything too severe or precise, or it might start to lean drag. You just brush it into your eyebrows to fill out the spots that might be a little patchy, and then you can follow up with a clear brow gel to keep your eyebrow hairs groomed and in place - or just run a little bit of hair gel through your eyebrows if you don't want to pick up an extra thing. You could also use brow powder to fill in a patchy beard!
If you’re interested in looking more androgynous or youthful but not necessarily feminine, I’d check out highlighter. There’s a range of levels of pigmentation you can go for here - I think a nice subtle one for a man would be one of hourglass’s finishing powders - they’re like a soft focus filter for your face and really make you look ~glowy~. Holographic duochrome highlighters are also very on trend right now, so if you wanted to do kind of a gender bendy glam rock thing, I think milk’s holo stick would look awesome. Highlighters generally go on the high points of the face and places you want to catch the light, like the tops of your cheekbones and browbones, down the bridge of your nose, and/or on the eyelid, particularly in the inner corner of your eye. As far as actual pigmented products go, you can pretty much use them however you want - on men they make a bold statement, and you’re free from a lot of the constraints that your everyday makeup wearing woman is under because you’re already making a Statement by wearing makeup at all. Geometric shapes, pops of color in unexpected places, and simple application techniques with monochromatic colors look really cool and high fashion on male faces, I think. Also, sorry to keep talking about Euron, but I LOVED the way they did his eyeliner on the show. I think that’s a great starting point for a really cool, basic eye look for a man experimenting with makeup - a dark smokey brown powder used as eyeliner and smudged out, emphasizing the lower lash line in particular. It’d look really cool with a bold, dark eyebrow, I think. It’s still very rock n roll, but it’s greatly updated from the racoon eye emo guyliner that was popular in the last decade, and it's much easier to achieve.  
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i hate scrolling
i like it, it’s helpful sometimes, my therapist says it is a healthy coping mechanism sometimes, but at night before bed i fall into a trap where i’m not **doing** anything, just scrolling facebook or insta and feeling bad.
i found maddy from bryn mawrs insta and she’s still doing the same thing, internet famous but obv sad and shit, just made me feel sad and shit
a lot of lesbian memes, i’m less invested in reiterating and reproducing lesbian stereotypes and stuff lately i guess, i feel like it comes from a place of anxietyand needing to define things and i feel a lot of power in lesbian identity but idk, eh
therapy is helpful, i think my therapist and i are figuring out how it’s gonna work and maybe shes accepting that i’m just gonna be tense but that doesn’t mean it can’t be helpful
me and kai have been having more sex a little bit, that i really like, i still maybe wonder about having more, idk. idk if i reallydo want more or if i want more kinky shit but i dont want anything to do with the community. we did some more kinky shit yesterday where she was a little more toppy and called me boy n i called her mistress (weve been doing that a lot lately, at least when we do have sex, which hasn’t felt like a lot lately). i feel complicated about parts of it (is it too hetero?) but i fucking love it. i love feeling submissive but not like we’re acting out misogyny. i love butch bottom stuff n always always have, from both perspectives. i used to be more intersetd in being femme when topping, maybe i still ike that sometimes. 
i was reading some queer erotica that was better than the shit i used to read, about a mistress-boy relationship, but it was more cis woman / trans guy kinda thing and also about meeting at a play party and stuff and i’m not into that community, the bdsm or the trans-man-centered one. or the man/woman dynamic really. although i guess i am interested in the mistress/boy fantasy but only during sex, and because it subverts patriarchal roles
when i was a kid and fantasizing without rly knowing what i was doing i’d think about being a tiger in captivity that scientists were doing cruel tests to, sometimes a boy and sometimes a girl, sometimes i could change between, or maybe it was something like the scientists would pull a lever and i’d be one or the other. (I guess thats’ like the porn that imogen binnie wrote about in nevada) sometimes i had a dick and theyd do torturous things to it, like pull it really long like a snake and wrap it around bars or something.sometimes they’d force feed me, or they’d make me run around a track while whipping me. i think the penis part maybe had a lot to do with the fact that penises are seen as inherently sexual and cunts aren’t, especially not for kids, especially not in the 90s or something. many of the “cis” bi women i’ve been with have been interested in wearing strap ons. i think when i first started dating my partners were a bit more intersted in it than me, for wearing and/or for being fucked. i like it but i still feel a little complicated about it but i love it. i love fucking kai, i love my cock inside her. i love rollicking and grunting and making her feel good and i love when i come just from fucking her. i love it submissive or dominant. i wish i had more energy when fucking her, i wish i could go longer. 
scrolling is empty, anxiety-ridden, distraction seeking without much real benefit. 
ive been more interested in being genderfluid or nonbinary or nonconforming or androgynous or whatever lately. i want to be a boy/boi during sex, or else not gendered. in most of my life i hope i’m seen as an androgynous lesbian, i hope theres things about me that people can’t pin down. i hate boxes (not just gender ones, in general). at work i want to show masculine and feminine traits, or i hope i do. gender is hard for everyone, even “straight cis” people like my coworkers, who say things like “im not a macho man” (a guy) or “the man i should have been” (a gal) im interested in expressing gender nonconformity and being a dyke and a lesbian but i’m interested in not feeling like that makes me all that much different from everyone else i guess. idk. 
i don’t have any body dysphoria. i feel eh about how i look or about how i present myself, more how i present myself, but i feel mostly good about my body and actual appearance. i feel very complicated about how i want to look. 
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