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imbumkyung · 5 years

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I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch. 1) - My

(twilight x reader)

Pairing: undecided

Chapter 2

Warnings: none! But this doesnt include the twilight world just yet

Most of her days were being spent like this lately. At home, walk the dogs, help out mom with the house, say she’ll do this and that— but doesn’t. Except on the rare occasions that she does. Thats why even after a whole month of not going out with her friends and ninety percent of her day being spent at home, her room was only getting messier. And honestly, in 2019, cell phone addictions are to blame.

Hours in her room dressing up with nowhere to go, and even more hours on instagram watching how much fun everyone else was having. In truth, it was a hole she dug on her own, rejecting invites and not creating them. She knew she needed to lose weight before going into the military because let’s face it— she can’t succeed in life any other way if education was never going to work out for her. She needed some sort of security for her future and if college wasn’t going to do it, the military would have to. Or at least that’s what her parents told her.

Though she was content, there was the part of her that wished there was some other way. But there wasn’t. She tried a whole dreadful year of college as an art major, and through that year she prioritized anything but school. She prioritized dancing and her social life. It hit her like a car crash that she couldn’t live on like this especially the the angel on her shoulder telling to her make the right decisions or her parents would find out about her antics. So when the car crash happened while she was supposed to be in school— instead she was on her way to get her nails done— it was the last straw for mom and dad.

The only thing that really made her want to stay away from the military was the boy she was talking to earlier in the year. That stupid boy. Long story short, the heartbreak he gave her really made her realize how strong she wanted to be, and let her dad know she wanted to see a recruiter the very next day. A maybe it was impulsive, but definitely rational.

So there she was, in her room at twelve noon, telling her long time friend Soren that she couldn’t hang with him because “her mom was mad at her and won’t let her go out”.

“It’s all good” he texted back.

Kaileia sighed. The only thing she could do was go to the beach, walk her dogs, go to the gym or wish she was as happy as she saw her friends were on instagram. Until her family vacation to California that was to happen in two weeks from now, passing time would be a burden. Deciding she’d soak in a bit of the Hawaii sun before coming back to her room only to be on her phone some more and possibly make some art, she peeled herself off the bed, prepared herself for the day and took her dogs out for a walk.

Besides the stressful pull of the leash her Border Collie– Athena– provided every time she saw another dog, these walks were always peaceful and provided much headspace. Hawaii was a beautiful combination for magnificent islands and Kauai was no exception. The humidity was just right, the sun was warm enough, the waters were usually friendly just as the people were. With so much headspace, her thoughts had everywhere to go.

“The population of Native Hawaiians are going dangerously low—I’m really no exception. I’m not even full Hawaiian. Poi donuts sound great right now. How are my sister and her boyfriend going to handle a long distance relationship? I wonder if if Kai actually likes football. Does he have a girlfriend? Whoever gets my little brother will be so lucky. I wonder if Keiki is doing okay in middle school. Mom has work tonight. Having two jobs and four kids is so stressful. Let’s not forget that Dad is going to school too— for the sole purpose of making money. The military pays him for it.

I wonder what Mark saw in Jennika that he didn’t see in me.

Her expression clouded, not wanting to remember him. They ended on a good note, but upon seeing that he decided to pursue a relationship with her and not him, it hurt her pride. A lot.

Snapping out of it and watching her two dogs happily walking along the beach, tongues out and frolicking about, she smiled. “These two have my whole heart” She thought.

What if life was different? If I had friends who texted me more than once in a blue moon. If I wasn’t on instagram all the time and I was actually out in the world. If I actually had people to shop with— okay maybe not that one. Shopping with other people around is distracting. But still, I wish I was closer with people.

Life right now was lonely for her. Soren’s invitation was one he sent for the first time in 2 months. Not that it’s his fault. She’d turn down his last one because she was too heartbroken by Mark to see anybody.

Nearing halfway through her route, she whipped out her phone to put on Pokémon Go! After all, it’d be a waste to pass all these pokestops even if she wasn’t planning on catching anything at the moment.

It was 1 p.m. and she was back from the walk. The sound of two little girls and a baby filled the house as they ran around pretending to be Elsa and Aurora in their pink and blue dresses.

She took out a mug and began to steep white tea. After a few minutes of this, she boiled 2 eggs, ate a banana, and made toast to put peanut butter on later.

“Going to the gym later?”, her mom, Mahealani questioned, holding the baby on her hip. She ran an at-home day care while working at a restaurant after 5p.m.

Kaileia cast an annoyed look for a quick second before muttering a “yeah”.

Ever since the emotional conversation to her mom about not wanting to pursue college, her mom made sure she knew that the military would be secure, and that she had to go as soon as possible in order to retire early. Mahea wanted the best for her daughter. The idea was always in her air, but Kaileia wanted to try out college first.

3p.m. Go to the gym because mom told you to

4p.m. Just a few more sets and we’ll go home.

Text from: Miko

Hey do you wanna go to Na Pali later? CJ and Li are coming too

Kaileia smiled, she loved that coast and the fish she could swim with that were within 4 feet high of the ocean

Text to: Miko

I’m down what time tho?

Text from: Miko

We’re gonna go at like 6 do u need a ride

Text to: Miko

yeeeee

5p.m.

”Should I take a shower? I just worked out but I’m gonna go in the ocean,” Kaileia asked Miko over the phone

“Just dont wash your hair I guess honestly I dont know,” Miko replied

“Bitch what if I infect the ocean,” Kaileia jokingly exclaimed

“Bitch, I don’t know! The fish will die I guess!” Miko laughed.

“Amazing,” Kaileia deadpanned.

“Oh and Li’s not coming anymore,” Miko mentioned

“Why?”

“I don’t know I think him and his mans are gonna do crackhead things,”

“I’m surprised,” Kaileia said sarcastically

“Same,” Miko said

7p.m.

Kaileia, CJ, and Miko walked in their swimsuits and towels along the coast, finding their usual spot before running right in. The two girls hair flowing behind them in the wind while CJ’s curls bounced with him.

8p.m.

The trio finally walked out of the water, feeling as if gravity was pulling them harder than usual.

Sitting on the towels, Kaileia suddenly asked, “Do you guys ever wish life was different?”

“Shit is it sad girl hours already?” CJ asked, earning a short chuckle from Miko.

“I honestly don’t even know like— the ocean has me feeling some type of way,” Kaileia explained.

“I wish I didnt have a nicotine addiction,” CJ suddenly joked, while taking a hit from his vape. The girls both laughed. “I don’t wanna be gay no more this shit making me stupid I swear” they laughed even harder at his half-assed excuses.

“Shut up hoe you love being gay,” Miko swatted him while taking a hit

“You right though,” he aknowledged

“You guys radiate crackhead energy like 24/7,” Kaileia said

And it was true. Out of the four— Li being absent— Kaileia was the most “normal” one. Not to say she wasn’t as crazy as them, she just was normal at more times than they were.

The rest of the night was filled with vine references, creating tik tocs on the beach, and taking “Hot Girl Summer” beach photos. Though it was dark, Kaileia decided to go for one last swim, taking Miko with her. CJ stayed behind to enjoy the night time coast while the girls ran in. Kaileia ran faster, underestimating the tide as she was already in 4feet deep and still being pulled in as she was deeper now and the wave aggressively towering over her at 7 feet. Stunned, she held her breath and braced herself.

“Kai!” Miko yelled, panicked

The only thing Kaileia heard after that was the gargling sounds of the unforgiving ocean before everything went black.

Tag list : @sunflowerspectre

Heres the first chapter! Before jumping into the Twilight world, I kinda wanted you guys to know the character a little bit. Thank you for reading! Likes, Reblogs, Suggestions / Recommendations & Critiques are appreciated!!

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purple-verse · 5 years

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Extremely detailed character sheet for Randall

Template found here

Character Chart

Character’s full name: Randall Gaspar Purpura

Reason or meaning of name: My characters tend to name themselves. When I first designed Randall the name just kinda echoed in my head.

Character’s nickname: I call him Rand. NEVER RANDY. dont do that please.

Reason for nickname: Randall is a long name lmao

Birth date: 12/13/73

Physical appearance

Age: 23

How old does he/she appear: i think Randall looks a lot younger and could probably be mistaken for 17-19. he definitely gets carded whenever buying anything adult.

Weight: 95-100 pounds

Height: 5′3″

Body build: Emaciated but with wide hip bones

Shape of face: rounded heart shape?

Eye color: brown

Glasses or contacts: he needs to wear glasses, but can’t find them.

Skin tone: pale yellowish tan with lots of freckles

Distinguishing marks: freckles, rope burn scars on neck, wrists and ankles, deep scars all over body. he has a tattoo in the middle of his back of an eye

Predominant features: biiiiig nose and shark teeth

Hair color: black with a purple sheen (mostly because of grease)

Type of hair: super curly and fluffy if clean, straight with slight curls when dirty

Hairstyle: usually shoulder length and choppy, but sometimes cuts it shorter or grows it longer.

Voice: i always wanted him to sound like Danny Elfman, but I do his voice acting.

Overall attractiveness: not very. I’d give him a 4 outta 10 maybe? higher if you like weird looking guys

Physical disabilities: ulcers, anemia, jaundice, chipped teeth, scoliosis, a mild muscle twitch and migraines

Usual fashion of dress: over sized sweaters (usually striped), black skinny cut jeans, black converse, knee high socks.

Favorite outfit: blue striped sweater, acid washed grey/black jeans, black low top converse, periwinkle knee high socks.

Jewelry or accessories: he sometimes wears a black necklace with an eye that matches his tattoo design and he wears a small black hoop earring in his right ear.

Personality

Good personality traits: He’s rather smart and clever, he gives pretty good advice, hes very loyal and will go out of his way to do whatever he can for friends.

Bad personality traits: He has anger issues, night terrors, delusions, gets VERY possessive of people he likes, can get violent, has violent alters he can’t control.

Mood character is most often in: if on meds hes usually in a dissociative calm state. off his meds hes quite irritable unless he’s smoking.

Sense of humor: he’ll tell corny jokes or puns sometimes, but has a hard time picking up when others joke with him.

Character’s greatest joy in life: eating pizza while watching a romcom and listening to his favorite music.

Character’s greatest fear: being yelled at

Why? bad childhood

What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? uuuuh? i guess going off his meds didnt go great coupled with a new friend and having a crush on someone.

Character is most at ease when: listening to his headphones and writing

Most ill at ease when: people are yelling at him or he has a lot to do in a day

Enraged when: woken up badly, when he thinks the people around him hate him or are ignoring him

Depressed or sad when: being ignored or nothings on tv

Priorities: just getting through life

Life philosophy: reincarnation might be real and he hopes itll be better next time

If granted one wish, it would be: not being ill and finding love

Why? it causes most of his turmoil and its really hard for him and he just wants to be loved like he never was

Character’s soft spot: people being nice to him, being asked about his hyper fixations (hes usually too shy at first to talk much, but if he trusts you and you get him going he doesnt shut up)

Is this soft spot obvious to others? YES

Greatest strength: he has a lot of surprising physical strength (it wouldnt look like it), he has a pretty strong will too all things considered

Greatest vulnerability or weakness: his own mind, overthinking, moths (the guy)

Biggest regret: he missed his chance with someone he was really close to before he went to the hospital (Leon)

Minor regret: burning his pizza in fall of 1992

Biggest accomplishment: he used to write and actually wrote some small short stories that were published in magazines

Minor accomplishment: not burning his pizza in the winter of 1993

Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: he was removed from school a lot growing up til he was expelled and “homeschooled” (it was just him reading all the curriculum himself).

Why? because its embarrassing to him

Character’s darkest secret: he keeps clothing and (if theyre killed) body parts of people hes infatuated with

Does anyone else know? mya does now

Past

Hometown: LA, California

Type of childhood: very badly neglected and abused

Pets: he had a cat as a child, but they died in an unfortunate accident and it really affected him. his plushie cat was name after her.

First memory: his mom yelling at him

Most important childhood memory: getting his plushie cat

Why: it was his number one comfort item. he still has it but shes really old and worn so he keeps it under his pillow or in his dresser

Childhood hero: he didnt have one

Dream job: when he was little wanted to be a vet, then when he got older he wanted to be an artist, now he wants to be a writer

Education: in and out of elementary, half of middle school and then self homeschooled on his own.

Religion: agnostic

Finances: very very poor

Present

Current location: [REDACTED FOR FUTURE GAMES]

Currently living with: he lived alone til he died

Pets: n/a

Religion: agnostic

Occupation: n/a

Finances: n/a

Family

Mother: Paloma Purpura

Relationship with her: very bad. She was extremely abusive to him in physical and mental ways. Randall was an accident and she blamed him for “ruining her life”. She was a severe alcoholic and would leave him home alone for days at a time sometimes. She had schizophrenia and would take out delusions on him. Moths waited til she was passed out and set the house on fire, using cigarettes to make it appear as an accident.

Father: Byun Ji-hwan

Relationship with him: He died while Paloma was 7 months pregnant with him. He got in a car accident. Paloma loved him a lot and his death made her spiral into a depression, most likely being a big factor in Randall being born premature and with many health problems.

Siblings: he’s an only child.

Spouse: He was in love with his neighbor and only friend, Leon, but he moved away and he never told him how he felt.

He was also briefly involved with his boss, Mort, at the pizzeria. He stalked him and was obsessed with him, but lost touch after he went to the hospital.

He had a crush on his neighbor, Tom, who Moths murdered and kept in his bathtub til mya stopped him.

Other important family members: He has an aunt and uncle on his mothers side who adopted him when his house burned down. They were mentally abusive to him and would have to tie him to his bed when he had night terrors cause he would hurt himself and others otherwise. thats why he has rope burn scars on his wrists and ankles.

Favorites

Color: Red and Blue

Least favorite color: yellow

Music: he listens to a lot of different genres, anything floaty and dreamy or kind of weird. his favorite band is radiohead, he also loves oingo boingo and the talking heads.

Food: pizza. pizza anything, he loves all pizza stuff. he hates burgers though.

Literature: horror novels

Form of entertainment: he likes to watch infomercials on TV

Mode of transportation: he has a purple Ford Escort. he keeps losing the keys so he tends to walk everywhere. does NOT ride the bus if he can help it

Most prized possession: His plushie cat, Shadow.

Habits

Hobbies: watching tv or doodling/writing

Plays a musical instrument? he cant play any instrument, but he likes to sing

Plays a sport? no one would play sports with him as a kid and he doesnt have the stamina, but he enjoys watching winter sports.

How he/she would spend a rainy day: He’d open the window so he can listen to the rain and just relax or write

Spending habits: he barely has enough money to get by as it is, but he likes to buy gas station pizza or candy when he can. sometimes he’ll treat himself if hes really depressed and by some silly little toy or something

Smokes: started smoking at 14, chain smoked until he worked and was irritable alot because the breaks werent enough and then he quit after staying in the hospital. Moths still smokes and Randall will have one if he gets really stressed.

Drinks: Used to drink when he was 16, doesnt like how it makes him feel. Triggers memories of his mom.

Other drugs: experimented with lots of drugs as a teen. tried pills, speed and weed. Stopped doing drugs after 2 years., never did them to excess, just to deal with PSTD.

What does he/she do too much of? drinks a lot of soda and caffeinated beverages.

What does he/she do too little of? eating anything. he tends to forget or is just not up for it.

Extremely skilled at: is actually a really good shot with a gun, surprisingly even without his glasses. hes also really good at rhythm type things

Extremely unskilled at: anything involving other people

Nervous tics: chews on his shirt, picks at his nails or bites his nails, covers his face with his sleeves

Usual body posture: slouches, puts his hands up to his chest with his sleeves covering them. tends to walk fast when in public to get home as fast as possible. (virgin walk)

Mannerisms: shy, twitchy, sweaty, has a stutter when nervous. tends not to be able to make eye contact and looks down or away mostly

Traits

Optimist or pessimist? very pessimistic

Introvert or extrovert? EXTREME introvert

Daredevil or cautious? cautious (moths is a daredevil with no impulse control)

Logical or emotional? tries to be logical usually, but ends up becoming emotional

Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat? it really depends on what. his self care is messy, but his living space is usually kept pretty clean and minimalist, except for maybe some food wrappers but he picks them up weekly.

Prefers working or relaxing? likes relaxing, but working gets his mind off things.

Confident or unsure of himself/herself? very very unsure of himself

Animal lover? yes, loves all animal esp bugs, rabbits and rats or any creature hated by most people (he relates)

Self-perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: hes very self loathing and takes what happened to him personally, feeling like he did something to deserve. that carried on to adulthood and now when something bad happens on accident he thinks he must have done something to deserve it. he finds himself very unattractive and has a hard time looking in the mirror. hates everything about himself.

One word the character would use to describe self: bad

What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? he doesnt think he has any

What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? shyness

What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? eyes

What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? scars

How does the character think others perceive him/her: he thinks people see him as a gross person, someone you wouldnt want to go near. and smelly.

What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: everything

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: scary and would rather be alone, but wants love and friends

Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others? absolutely

Person character most hates: his mother, his aunt and uncle and tom

Best friend(s): mya and leon

Love interest(s): leon and sort of tom (it wasnt really reciprocated so hes dead)

Person character goes to for advice: mya

Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: himself

Person character feels shy or awkward around: everyone

Person character openly admires: mya (he likes how outgoing and nice she is)

Person character secretly admires: mya

Most important person in character’s life before story starts: leon

After story starts: mya

#ive been working on this on and off for a very long time #randall purpura #purple game

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kcamgilmore · 6 years

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[ ALEX SAXON // MALE // HE / HIM ] – Oh my god, is that [ KC GILMORE ], Ryleigh Mitchell’s [ EX-ONE NIGHT STAND ]?! The tabloids can’t seem to stop buzzing about the [ 24 ] year old [ MEDICAL INTERN ]. According to the press, they’re [ ENTHUSIASTIC ] and [ FUN-LOVING ], yet also [ DESTRUCTIVE ] and [ INDULGENT ], but with all this gossip who really knows? All eyes have been on them since Ryleigh went missing, so are they really innocent? I guess only time can tell.

ayo its my boi kc he’s here to be obnoxious all over ur dash

this kiddos had a rough life not that you would know based on just about anything about him

he’s an only child and both of his parents are drug addicts who have been in out of prison for a good amount of his childhood

because of this he spent a lotta time in foster care and in JUVIE cause he was a Bad Kid he did a lot of stupid stuff like VANDALISM and GRAND THEFT AUTO god who left him alone

despite being so stupid with his choices the kid was actually a genius and did super well in school. he probably could have done better if he was more dedicated and didn’t like skip school and stuff like an IDIOT but oh well he knew that middle school doesnt count for anything in the long run so he didnt get his act together at all until high school

in high school he was in the ib program as well as advanced placement classes. he was also a varsity basketball player every year of high school.

while he (obviously) got his act together in some ways (gettin ready for those college apps!) he didn’t have his personal life together at all and he constantly did stupid stuff!! he dated a lot in high school and he’d do this fun thing where he would commit to a serious monogamous relationship and then Always End Up Cheating. i hate him.

sophomore year he got his girlfriend pregnant and had a baby but they were awful parents so they gave their daughter up for adoption and she got adopted by a really nice family but kc was v :(((( abt it but honestly he couldn’t handle being a father at sixteen considering he couldn’t even handle not cheating on the mother of his baby. i’m serious i hate him.

oh also he started living with his mom again in high school after she got out of prison which is nice and then they moved but they made sure to find an ib school so he could finish the program

despite all his Personal Turmoil, kc graduated top of his class with his ib diploma and a full ride scholarship (a combination of academic and athletic for basketball) to johns hopkins university.

during kcs first semester at jhu he went to a party at which he met cricket who was SIXTEEN at the time which is awkward but ignore that and they hit it off and became best friends and it was great

basically they were fwb on and off for the next two years while cricket was still at boarding school in maryland and they were also bEST FRIENDS and yeah idk how to describe this

after cricket graduated she moved to la and kc was sad but he kept on living his life and even started to Seriously Date this one girl and it was actually going pretty well and then cricket ruined it (jk) (kinda)

kc and cricket kept going back and forth to see each other in maryland and california bc bffs and eventually cricket realized that she had feelings for kc and she could not keep them inside anymore and she kissed him and kc was like yikes and turned her down at first to be with his girlfriend at the time but just like the bachelor last season he changed his mind and picked cricket instead and they’ve been together every since!

also kc went to johns hopkins for med school as well and then he was supposed to start his medical internship this year at a hospital in so cal but uhhhh he’s Trapped at the lake so that’s not really happening.

oh also he’s staying with angie and cricket and joey at angies lakehouse

also he wants to be a pediatrician how cute is that

#abt #bio

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oakandcirrus · 2 years

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im so tired guys and i’m sick of shitty california winters and sick of smiling and sick of school its really got to end soon i cant do it anymore there are too many projects and not enough spoons i hate school i hate finals i am so ready to graduate except i don’t have a permit and i need a job and a car and i hate this fucking city idk how anyone moves away its terrifying and i need to get over that fear and i want to be wise and i want to stop feeling like shit all the time and i want to stop feeling like a burden and i want to cry into someone’s shoulder and i honestly dont know how ive made it this long i mean god how fucking stupid was i just deciding no im not going to go to church anymore. like i just decided not to see any of my friends anymore. people ive known since fifth grade. just up and decided to cut out the people who were closest to me just because i felt like i didnt fit in. thats never stopped me before i always weasel my way into friend groups and actually im always the awkward nth wheel and i dont want to have baggage and yeah loneliness is great when youre walking through a forest it’s atmospheric and its solitude and thats a necessary distinction but being alone in a big wide city you hate is totally different my only real friend has enough to deal with and there’s drama within the group that tolerates me and god if i ever actually started speaking with my mouth about any of this it all would come flying out and im just holding everything in and ive been strong for five months and everything in me is raw and sharp and it aches. god it aches and im tired of it and im tired of hoping because it never amounts to anything im angry and im tired and im fucking lonely and thats me dad and id rather die than be like him and i want new friends and i want to stop feeling like my life hasnt actually started yet i want to be content i want to feel all the dust settle and i want to feel like the air outside my lungs is the same air inside i want to just sit in the woods for an entire day come on 10 hours of wandering walking by birds and spotting deer and watching the sunset and settling down for the night and i want being happy to stop feeling unattainable i want hope to stop feeling like a pipe dream im only hanging on because im stubborn as hell and my fucking heart refuses to believe that all hope is lost when it absolutely is because let's face it im never getting out of this shithole town and im never going to be able to get a license or make real friends because there's something so wrong with me i just dont fit anywhere and i cant do anything because it all terrifies me and i hate that i hate it so much i wish driving didnt scare the shit out of me and i wish i could just talk to people i wish my brain would just shut off and i wish someone would fucking hug me i just want to slow down i want to stop moving so fast and nobody wants to slow down with me im slow im steady i need to stay in one place to grow and i need to be uprooted and taken somewhere new and i want a boyfriend so bad its fucking pathetic im going to be writing about romance forever and never actually experiencing it and i want this year to be different i want it to be better i want to start living and i want to make out with someone and i want to stop hurting and i want freedom and i want to get older and wiser and i just feel so trapped my whole family is trapped and unhappy here and my dad has no real friends and is lonely as fuck and my mom hates her job and hates my dad and my sister is getting on my nerves and im running out of patience for it all i was watching hallmark because im fucking sad and she was making a big stink about how wed been watching it for hours and i wanted to snap and tell her that im sick and fucking tired of everything and that im at my breaking point will you please just fucking let me have this but no i kept it in like i always do and what sucks is that even texting someone doesnt really alleviate the emotional burden i just want to talk to someone and have them hug me and feel like everything is going to

be alright

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themightyrancho · 7 years

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god. the reason stories about family (gf, steven universe, kubo, tbol) get me so hard is because i just wish i had a family that. liked each other. and that i didn’t feel isolated from

my parents can’t stand each other. everything’s a chore and i cant talk with them about something without the threat of it becoming A Thing. And they’re both good people but they are horrible to each other and can’t get out of it. most of everything is my dad’s fault; he has a terrible anger problem and is the most stubborn guy ever and can be straight-up emtionally abusive to my mom. and it just makes me so bitter bc like theyre both psychologists. hes a family marriage therapist. why did you fuck me up so bad

i love my brother but. i havent felt... close to him in the slightest since we were in like. 5th grade. his autism just made him start to distance, bury himself in video games and shows and not want to play with me anymore. and as i grew up his interests still stayed the same age level and even tho he’s older than me i have to take care of him and. i know i can;t blame him for it but i just hate thinking what could have been if my parents hadnt let him withdraw so much and pushed him more.

i have no family that’s closer than an 8 hour drive. and even then, those are my mom’s family, raised 7th day adventist whom i cant relate to at all. my cousins hardly open up to people. they all love construction work, dirt bikes, and cars and camping and it’s all they talk about. and they’re good people too but it’s just. kind of exhausting and i still feel so awkward with them sometimes. and i don’t see them for years at a time. i havent been up to northern california to visit them since i was like, 8.

the other half of my family lives in the heart of mexico since my dad moved here to be with my mom. i had only been to mexico when i was very young, again like 7 or something. and my dad didn’t teach me spanish bc he tried w my brother but since my mom doesnt speak it and they didnt even know if my bro COULD talk for a while it became too hard. and i’m so light skinned, i cant handle spicy food. so in elementary, all the brown latinx kids had very distinct chicano culture that i loved but didn’t share in my own home and didnt experience so i just thought that i had no option to be a part of it. i always felt like a disgrace to that side of my family that i hardly knew. i would get jokes about being a “half-breed” or “hybrid” and id laugh bc like i mean, I am i guess right? i’d be a fraud

but the most devistating thing is that i absolutely adore that side of my family. i’ve only been able to visit them twice since the trip i made when i was 8. they are the greatest people. they’re fun and funny, loving, always welcoming and accepting of me. they’re all brilliant and talented and i relate more with my older mexican cousins than i ever did with my white ones.

but since i live here, ive missed out on all the family bonding that happens when youre growing up together. all the cousins see eachother all the time and have all these memories but i only have a handful. everyone’s grown up! my niece who i remember holding as a baby when i was a kid is now taller than me and 13. and she’s the sweetest but i feel like absolute shit because she doesnt speak english and i just wish more than anything i could talk to my fucking family. most of them speak english but some of them dont and i wish i could visit and not have to have everything repeated in english for me or be fucking clueless to what’s going on. my abuela is such an amazing woman. she’s so sweet and kind but she’s so old now and her alseimers is rly bad so i wont ever get to know her like i wish i could have.

both my grandpas died when i was like?? 10. they were both very good and fun people but i didnt know them well bc i didnt see them often.

and my aunt, mom’s sister, was the most loving person in the world, who loved life and family and was the most generous being. and the person whose company i enjoyed most in this house when she lived with us. but then she died suddenly and it’s just the worst fucking punch in the gut to my mom and i. we dont even speak her name because it hurts my mom so much and she hasnt properly grieved. and now my grandma, is just waiting to die and i have to take care of her in the meantime even though she’d rather just waste away.

so it always just.still stupidly surprises me sometimes when people say that they’re haning with their cousins because like oh shit, some people see their family all the time.

and it just. makes me so happy and jealous when my friends talk about their parents loving each other, or how annoying their little sibling is but they still love them, of course. because ive never had that and i never will and it makes me so sad. so seeing shows where families reconcile or platonic love endures, or remembering the death of loved ones it just. gets me right there, not because i can relate, but because i wish more than anything i could.

and i guess that’s why i cling to my friends so hard? and when im hanging out with them i just. dont want to leave lmao. and because my closest friends are the ones i made in middle school and had thru high school, i havent made new friends that are more than aquaintances even tho ive been going to college for 3 years. so most of the time i just. really feel alone and trapped thru everything since everyone’s moving on and busy at their own schools and jobs and lives and i cant blame them for that.

#.......anyway lmao #i just thought i'd. get this out. in writing #because i could never verbally articulate it to my mom or anything without breaking down #but it plagues my mind all the time so. at least it's somewhere else now too.#long post #i dont expect anyone to read this dont worry its fine #i just saw the big sick which i LOVED but. it made my mom and i think of my aunt so #im just thinking about.... all this

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elcisa-blog · 7 years

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hello hello yall, it’s your gal ronnie with a second muse!! this is my honey eloisa and i have so many ideas for her and i’m so excited to bring her to life since i’ve been dying to play her properly for so long, so PLease feel free to come plot w/ us ok ? OK ! anyway, her full bio can be found here if you feel so inclined, but it’s a bit long, so i’ll have a couple points under the cut summarizing it. also under the cut are some wanted connections ! that’s pretty much it for now, k byE

that’s not EMILY RATAJKOWSKI walking around?? nah, but ELOISA GOMOLKA gets that all the time. SHE’S actually from TORQUAY, ENGLAND, though they live in LA JOLLA now. you’ve probably heard that 23 year old SERVER of CALIFORNIA PIZZA KITCHEN being referred to as the ZEALOT of this place. you know, i always see them EXPLORING AND TRAVELING or blasting A LITTLE DEATH BY THE NEIGHBOURHOOD on their lunch break..whatever.

alright so my baby was born and raised in torquay, england to a pretty religious, polish family. her father is polish and her mother is english, but their lifestyle and culture at home was very much polish based

also her actual birth name is katarzyna eloisa gomolka, but growing up in england, many people had a hard time pronouncing her first name so her friends & classmates and all that often called her by her middle name instead -- eloisa. so it eventually stuck and she legally changed around her first & middle names. .. .

this girl loves loves loves learning languages and studying other cultures and lifestyles , like in school , she was always that girl that took as many foreign language classes as she could. she knows the basics to a bunch of different languages but she’s fluent in english, polish, french, and spanish.

also shes WILD ok . . . like her own weird brand of wild. she’s so Unexpected .. . its strange. but i love her sm. she’s loud, opinionated, stubborn, unpredictable, SUPER adventurous, you name it. she’s either laughing her ass off with childish excitement or spewing fire From her mouth, knowing NO boundaries . . there’s no in between like . . . shes so random, all over the place and all in your face most of the time im sorry . . . & when she loves u she clingy

anyway she also used to play the violin and horseback ride a lot growing up. her grandpa from her moms side taught her how to ride horses and she loved going to his farm in the english countryside to ride & hear his wise stories and all that. he was like her hero.

however, one day, right before eloisa was about to start her last year of high school . . . long story short . . . there was an accident and grandpa passed away *cries* . . . el took his death super hard since they were so close . . which caused her to get less enthusiastic about going to college and she just lost all interest at caring at all tbh, becoming more of a troublemaker at school, so her grades dropped her last year and so did all her aspirations for her future

after high school, instead of enrolling in postsecondary, she just wanted to get away from it all so she decided to trust in her adventurous side and partake in a work abroad program where she would be backpacking across south america, teaching english and helping build up communities. she did that until she was twenty-one. it was a Wild ride

in the midst of the program, while in colombia, she got involved w/ some sketchy dude who was in the drugs and car stealing business . . . she loved the thrill & she thought she was so in love BUt he was super gross and toxic and ended up betraying her, stealing her money, and leaving her on the side of the road one night on one of his heists. aNYWAY it sucked

she finished the program and then decided to work for the work abroad program’s headquarters, which are situated in california. . . so thats how she got to san diego

eventually her position there terminated but she decided to stay in cali bc its very much her type of vibe SO now shes working at fashion valley & thats where yall come in

SOME WANTED CONNECTIONS

OPPOSITES ATTRACT -- cheesy name but i think it’d be cool for her to have a pal who’s kind of the complete or near opposite of her but they kind of work ? ? like honestly this girl can TALK and ramble on for so long about random shit, so i think it’d be an interesting dynamic for her to have someone who just lets her Go Off and they just like to listen to her talk and she just likes having someone to listen to her . . . inspo is from this pic right HERE

EAT THIS -- while in south america, el kind of developed a huge respect and love for cuisine and cooking so now shes kind of obsessed with searching up random, exotic recipes and trying them out. sometimes her cooking backfires and is not the greatest but shes so determined to get things right and just loves Doing it so much that she doesnt care. . . so maybe she can have like a taste testing buddy or someone who likes to cook w her or something idk ? ? shfskd omg HC: she works as a server at ca pizza kitchen but i s2g she prob always tries to sneak in the kitchen and help cook But since shes so all over the place, theyre always like “ EL GTFO OF HeRE !!!!!”

MOTHER HEN / PAPA BEAR -- this girl needs someone to keep her in line some of the time okay. she doesnt have any family here in cali so she’d love to have someone who takes care of her and makes sure she doesnt go too far .. like someone she looks up to in a sister/brother/guardian figure type of way ? ?

ZOOLOGY -- eloisa doesnt have any pets .. . she can hardly take care of herself like what u think imma let this girl have a dog ? ? NO she can have a pet ROCK ( she does ) . . . but she loves animals so she’d love hAving a pal where she can just come by and play w their pets or smthg like she’ll be the best play mate ever .. . i just wouldnt trust her to take care of ur animal for a week or smthg lmao

ADVENTURE TIME -- if u ever just want to do something crazy or try something new. . . literally just hit up eloisa . . . so i’d love for her to have friends who just text her up like i’m Not feeling good take me somewhere. . . and SHE WILL . . .or even if they’re not sad and just want to do something exciting . .. hit her up

OOPS :( -- ok So el can be a bit clumsy and random so i think a cool connection with someone would be like maybe one day eloisa broke something of theirs or fucked up their car or dyed their hair wrong or something stupid like that . . . basically eloisa fucked up . . . and ever since then, that person doesnt really trust her anymore and is kind of annoyed with her presence in general . . . BUT eloisa feels so BAD and guilty about it so now she basically tries to do everything in her power to make it up to the other person but they just keep not having it yknow ? ?

ORANGE CRUSH -- ok ur typical crush plot bc theyre so fluffy and cute. . . but i think maybe a plot where the crush doesnt even have to be super romantic or sexual yknow ? ? like i can definitely see eloisa just being so interested in everything the other person does and just loving being around them and loving everything they do . . . so obsessed w their comportments . . . but it can be in such a fluffy, platonic way like That feeling when u see a rly cute puppy or baby penguin . . . eloisa just wants to hug ur muse and love them But not even sexually yknow ? ?

TAKE ME WITH YOU -- ok i love this plot sm . . . maybe like a friendship where they both want to see the world together ? ? eloisa is really big on travelling so id love for her to have a friend where they’ve been slowly putting together their dream trip where they see the world together. and their friendship is so heavily based on them sending each other places around the world where they want to go and putting together bucketlists and itineraries for if they ever end up saving money and travelling together ? ? so fun

SCIENCE PROJECT -- there’s not much that scares el and she doesnt get pushed away so easily . .. but i think an interesting dynamic could be if there actually was someone who kind of freaks her out yknow?? a relationship where the person actually kind of intimidates her and theres just something about the person that makes eloisa question everything .. . kind of like a science project. shes always studying them carefully, unsure of how to react to what they say . . . they’re just bizarre to her and she wants to know more

POKE ! -- basically someone she loves to annoy and pick on , but not in a hateful way

TEACH ME -- maybe someone who is teaching eloisa a new skill or language or how to do something that they’re good at because eloisa would love that so much .. . she loves trying new things.. . .like honestly anything .. . even if she keeps failing

TINDER DATE -- ok so in my head, i feel like eloisa would be that type of person to troll people on tinder and play around with them .. so maybe your muse got caught up in her trap once and she trolled them on tinder lmao ? ? ? i think thatd be so funny and she just loves laughing about it all the time . .

I DO . . . WAIT, NO, I DON’T ! -- ok So this is inspired by that one episode in friends where rachel and ross get married drunk in vegas once . . . so Like literally that lmao. like that is SO something that would happen to el. like maybe one time, they found themselves in vegas together, they got super drunk, and legit got married that same night super quick ? ? ? and obviously theyre divorced now but i think that’d be a funny dynamic and lil treasure of the past to have in a friendship/relationship

SOME TYPICAL ONES THAT I CANT GET ENOUGH OF -- exes, flings, hook ups, went on a few dates in the past, best friends ( someone to braid her hair and take bubble baths w her <3 ), enemies ( maybe someone who doesnt agree w how she lives her life or her whole vibe bc she can be a bit much sometimes lmao ), etc.

or literally anything else lol

#fvhqooc #wow im sorry its LOng #dont hate me #but its good i promise #° ⟡ ⁝ ─ crumpled notes › OOC.#i just had SO MANY connection ideas bye #i think everything makes sense .. . . . ..

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sunshineonamission-blog · 5 years

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January 30th Wednesday 1:38AM

So basically Tuesday

Do i even remember this morning

This morning I woke up and I was just so. Tired. So tired. Like hard to move in a literal way.

It was either this morning or yesterday - I think yesterday but when I went to open my blinds to let the light in it was like blue. Maybe that was Monday. Anyway.

Last night I slept in the dark with the door completely closed and the kitchen light off. I guess there was nothing scary to me about the dark anymore.

This morning I took a painful shower and I got dressed in my lined mom jeans that I’ve been avoiding and my grey turtleneck, and my denim jacket. I knew I’d sweat through the turtleneck. I was in denial. I packed a bag. I made some tea. I put my last lara bar in my pocket. I walked to Ryder.

Meeting with Jesse at 8:45. Was amazing.

I blabbed and he actually made sense of it.

So. Sounds like you like to make shit.

Yeah.

If you wanna do the new york thing and pound the pavement for a while you can. If you want to stay in boston... you can.

“I’m not fuckin corporate Northeastern. I want what’s best for you”

“You have permission to act. To be a theatre artist.”

“I give you permission to not know what you’re doing right now.”

- Summer. Berkshire Theatre Co. or Shakespeare & Co. or work and make money and “make a bunch of shit. get your friends. --> his best man runs Shakes, he used to run Berkshire: “it’s... grueling. if you wanna kinda pay your dues and train...”

- Fall. As many studio classes as possible. Acting 2.

- Playwriting, Directing, movement at some point, voice& speech, viewpoints

- He said I could get into movement right now. Ugh. Yesterday was the last day to drop a class without “withdrew” on transcript.

- If I wanna do a BFA program and just grind it out and wear black every day and be in a conservatory setting I can- probably not gonna be this year. That’s okay.

- MFA is an option. Maybe not recommended unless you have a trust fund or a strong desire to teach

- “Your makeup as a human being seems right. To be an actor. You have a seriousness but also a goofiness. You need both.”

“For the sake of your health, just maybe breathe...”

“You have time.”

“I know a lotta actors who direct. My wife does. I know directors who act sometimes.”

It’s weird right. You’re here for theatre and surrounded by like. STEM majors. They’re robots.

Keep the conversation going when I need to.

Advice for acting & life: don’t wait for someone to teach you. don’t wait to be instructed. If the opportunity arises to learn and do, do something.

Kick ass in acting tomorrow.

“you’re okay. You’re in the right place. in terms of like. mindset”

I was really just beaming walking outta there. I was excited. I changed into the acid wash jeans and too tight flowery converse and acadia sweatshirt and made my way to curry while i scarfed down the lara bar

Had like 15 minutes so I sat and researched summer programs a little. Obviously he said berkshire was grueling sooo that’s where I wanna go. - must do more research and maybe a second more soul searching and then just start prepping

Okay shop for 4 hours. Climbed scaffolding. Super grateful Julia Chase a normal human being was there. Mätthew’s nice and it’s fine. I hate Jenny. Jeanie. Whatever her name is. And that other kid whose name I don’t remember but he has an absurdly low voice and a beard and he’s tall and he’s stupid. I apologize for the strong language. Ultimately I don’t hate them I just like can hardly stand being around them because they’re just so cringey and rude and like the combo makes me want to go off. It makes me wanna be like yo. Jennie. I know. And stop holding the screw while you drill. That’s why you keep bleeding. But we got a lot done and especially when it was just me julia and matthew i really did like save the day with my ideas several times. fun! draining though and hadnt eaten in like a while besides the lara bar

Home. Was gonna research summer while eating my ubereats smoothie bowl because Jugos closed at 5 and it was like 3 and i wanted to sit and eat and research. No thank u Bgood u are a heartbreak at the moment.

Accidentally didnt put in my address for ubereats. What was in there was Park Plaza. Mhm. Ow. I called to fix my mistake but it was already on the way. 3 miles away. via bike. Angry ubereats biker.

I went to atm at MARINO and got money out, crying, came back, waited. Called mom weeping. He got here. He was biking away. What? I said hey excuse me he said “it dropped. It fuckin dropped. Im sorry okay you wont get charged it dropped.” I made him take $10 and apologized for the mistake and he said he was sorry for freakin out, sorry for making me cry. He made me think of Maddie Dinsmore. SO, MUCH. He said you’re a female I’m sorry I hate making girls cry and I said oh no trust me you didnt. I said the address I sent it to by accident was just a place I was at with my boyfriend like a month ago and we just broke up and I never order ubereats but i was really hungry so it made me cry.

And he said youre obviously hungry and you didnt even get your food and offered to go get me something from nearer by. He said he was moving to california on friday. I gave him the $10 and said no no that’s fine but good luck in California.

I don’t know why I felt the need to overshare to this stranger. I think it was two things. One was that I saw someone who felt very badly and who’d just biked 3 miles and who wasnt getting paid for it. I am a decent liar sometimes. When it seems like the right thing to do. Or at least I have been. But I’m so fuckin done with that. Not a bone in my body had the capacity in that moment to say oh no it’s not you I totally just bombed a test I literally just didn’t have it in me. But I didn’t want this person to have any guilt or sadness from today. So I just told the truth. Because yeah he was mad and it made me cry but ultimately it wouldn’t have if not for the circumstances. Because the circumstances made me feel stupid and like essentially I started feeling well enough to eat and okay enough not to be scared to eat or to at least be brave enough to leap that hurdle and the universe said fuck you. You should be hurting. And you tried to eat and this is what happens. I don’t believe that to be true. It’s just how it felt in the moment.

And I’m also just so heartbroken and it couldnt hurt to tell this person that I’ll never see again, who could judge me if he wanted but whose judgment would ultimately have no bearing on my life

Back inside. Back in bed. Talked to mom.

Made eggs.

Ew.

Felt super anxious

In bed totally checking daniel’s snap map and thinking he was auditioning.

I’m so glad he’s auditioning.

I wonder if he knew that he could’ve auditioned last week.

I texted him when he was out and asked. He did. I’m glad.

We talked for a while. I said more than usual. I dont put the screenshots of texts here because we don’t need to torture ourselves.

I told him I just wanted him to be happy. He asked if id gone to any parties which blew me away because of course not.

I told him about miss you like hell

I told him about my ubereats experience

I told him I was scared

I asked if it had to be til we were 25 to come back around

I said I wanna take it back

He said he was gonna marry me

He asked if I was okay

He knows.

He told the boys it’s only me he’s dating ever

I miss him like hell

My heart doesnt beat the same without you

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in)

Ryder. Piano and singing and writing a song. Curry. HW with mia, my creative dna

Library w max ben maddie riana

ava had stopped at max’s lobby cause she was scared of a sketchy van so when i left i walked with max to ava so that we could walk home together.

Ava thinks she gets it but she doesn’t. I appreciate it but she doesn’t.

I’m in bed. This is a no teeth no face wash night but it’s okay because no makeup today

I’m very tired and it’s 2:16 now and time to go to sleep

Goodnight

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anomalagous · 7 years

Text

lc’s ongoing long-ass list of what the fuck, teen wolf, and other sundry E606:Ghosted edition.

scott getting a little tiny bit snarly at the sheriff for not believing~~ in stiles gives me life

this old-ass map not only puts beacon hills on top of a real life place called scotty place which still makes me laugh, but also substantially more north and eastward than i originally estimated.

why the fuck didnt naziwolf just get the fuck outta bh?

why did he choose to stay and teach high school of all things?

california requires an 18 month accreditation course and a certain GPA of teachers who do not have an education degree, i know this from direct experience. its been three months since naziwolf busted out of his bacta tank, so what the fuck

if he forged his credentials, how

when

when did he actually learn all of the post WW2 physics and electromagnetics things he clearly genuinely knows and has a genuine interest in?

did the dread doctors read him bedtime stories from their science journals?

if so, what the fuck

i guess if youre an alpha werewolf you can sleep in the backseat with no seatbelt and its not a big deal if you crash

good job on malia being the driver and not crashing them im proud of her

reading the date of the canaan abduction in the standard american way it was april 8th, 1987, which cant be a coincidence given that’s stiles birthday (albeit pre-stiles)

if canaan has been abandoned for 30 years, who has been cutting these obviously not overgrown lawns and trimming these obviously not overgrown accent shubberies

why isnt that flag beat up or torn in any way?

kudos on giving that convertible the old 80s style california plates but why arent any of the windows on any of the cars busted out? no flat tires? no rust or missing doors?

also that shot of the ‘town’ where there was more substantial damage looked fake as hell and the crosswalk was proceeding at the wrong angle and i cant unsee it.

why is there still power running to these street lamps?

for that matter who has their street lamps scheduled to turn on in the middle of the day?

was that block party banner over the street lettered on both sides? it reads properly no matter what side youre looking at, which seems weird.

why is there blood on the carousel? was that explained? we’ve never seen the ghost riders’ gun draw blood that i can recall

im not even sure we’ve really seen their whips draw blood per se and certainly it wouldn’t have caused that kind of blood stain

also why is the blood still wet and red 30 years later? why wasn’t that newspaper rotted out? either time impacted this town to make it shitty as hell or it didn’t, pick one, you cannot have both. it still rains enough in california to totally disintegrate a newspaper in thirty years.

how the fuck did that carousel function even that tiny bit after 30 years in the elements?

why did melissa have to sneak chris argent around, couldnt he have just declined the operation against medical advice?

also good to see scott got his utter inability to lie from his mom

even if malia isnt wearing 100% stiles’ void-hoodie how could the costume department have thought for a minute we wouldnt have thought that was the void hoodie?

malia having a hallucination of theo in the same episode he comes back in for real seemed both rushed and entirely unnecessary.

in fact these hallucinations seemed wholesale unnecessary and neither scott nor malia deserved that nonsense

were all of these dead leaves already on location or did some poor asshole have to ship them in and then ship them out again

come to think of it, at first i was really excited to see coral/eucalyptus trees as they are actually trees that are in california (as opposed to the type of oak the nemeton is, which is distinctly Not a type of tree in california) but then i realized those are Southern California Trees and if beacon hills (and canaan) are that far north and close to the oregon border, the trees should be way more pines and evergreens and not coral or eucalyptus or ... any deserty tree, really.

seriously were these hallucinations just to show malia can feel sad too?

malia was wearing really subtle gold eyeshadow earlier. now it’s dark shadowing up to her browbone. does being a werecoyote also mean being able to shift your makeup at will? cause thats cool

do little girls seriously still play with baby dolls while hitting their first strides of puberty? im beginning to think i was never actually a little girl.

how much younger than malia was kylie supposed to be? bc she looks like 12 here but malia was like... 10 when the desert wolf murdered her family, right? was SHE the younger sister??

teen wolf shamelessly reusing shots with new filters on them like never before. this ain’t even the fifth time i’ve caught them doing this, this season, and i’ve literally never seen them do it in any of the other seasons.

im not sure anybody told kylie’s actress she wasnt gonna get to make out with shelley

how do werecreatures get piercings? or were her ears pierced first before the change?

why does anyone let liam make any decisions, ever?

i do not get why everyone finds naziwolf so hot

seriously i have a little tree-bush exactly like this right outside my door/garage and that shit is wild and untamed in just a month of no trimming in 30 years it would not have that nice slender shape anymore

also trees being choked to death by kudzu or whatever all these vines are dont look that healthy

is there even kudzu in california??? ive never seen so many vines in all my 10 years of living here.

the first house scott goes in theres like no tv in the living room but there is one chair (with no dining table) all alone in the dining room area, which just looks sad.

oh sorry two chairs set up in what was clearly the worlds most melancholy staring contest.

my dentist used to have that exact sailboat wallpaper trim around the top of his exam rooms.

scotts bullying a door.

have melissa and chris argent actually told the pack about the head-biting yet bc i feel like they should know

i think more people have asked scott if he’s okay in this episode than in the last three seasons, which is sad bc it’s basically just lydia and malia that do it.

that one house has some brutal earthquake damage in its exterior wall.

poseys microexpressions are so woefully underrated, he really is brilliant.

i have more grey hair than jr bourne and that makes me really angry

i like that they’re doing alchemy with druidic compounds/hedgemagic/whatever you want to call it more than i could possibly express.

why is there a porch loveseat on the step up to this one house but that FLAG IS ENTIRELY INTACT?

how convenient that all three of them were looking at that window when lenore decided to fuck with the drapery.

that said scott’s resultant HOLY SHIT?!?? face is amazing

how has lenore been surviving in this town, does she not need water, electric, heat, groceries? where did the lemons for the lemonade come from?

all this wood paneling is the most 70s thing i have ever seen in my life

i appreciate the little cast iron redwood decoration with the ‘m’ on the bottom of it.

everything!! in!! this!! house!! is!! brown!!

that piano as a busted af bass key there.

i feel like i’ve seen that other metal flower/leaf decor before. the new version of the stilinski house, maybe?

lenore has an intimidatingly large smile and i feel like that as an intentional casting choice

how come malia and scott couldnt hear her heartbeat after scott explicitly called out that there were no heartbeats? or for that matter not hear that caleb also didn’t have one? (presumably.)

im not 100% sure but i think malia is holding scott’s hand when they enter the dining room area of lenore’s house, which is adorable so i accept no other reality now.

i honestly feel really bad for lenore.

i would say the fisheye lens is s6′s slo mo but the slo mo didnt go anywhere

i dont know if its supposed to be fancy or artisinal or whatever you called that in the 80s but dont put green shit in your lemonade, green shit does not belong in your lemonade. lemons. sugar. water. it isn’t hard.

malia like chugs a good half of her glass at once, but when she sets it back down it is more full than any of the other glasses. i prefer to think she just faked drinking it to try and gain lenore’s trust than it’s a continuity error from the props department.

when lenore starts using her banshee powers to shake the house, it also magically converts the lemonade into water.

lenore has a pair of decorative ducks on her wall but they appear to be two male mallard ducks, so. gay duck decor.

so when does lydia get to have telekinesis?

i dont think im a very big fan of how angela harvey handles scott.

malia did NOT make a fist like she was really committing to trying to punch out that window.

seriously scotts the alpha he doesnt need lydia to give him permission to do things scott thinks need to be done

that being said scott going into the basement with a creepy kid when youre obviously in some kind of horror movie trope was stupid

the cameras they used for the senior pack team were super blurry anytime anyone moved even the littlest bit, its so annoying.

scott barely being tall enough to reach this tiny-ass basement window is endearing to me

there is no way a vhs tape that wet would run. i remember vhs tapes. they were not sturdy.

i feel like we used to have the same VCR in my parents’ room tho

also what the hell camcorder did they record this on that put it straight on VCR, camcorders in the 80s had weird little small VCR tapes you had to put in a converter. that was just a standard VCR tape.

also why are there jumpcuts in the home video? did somebody cut the original footage and THEN put it on a standard VCR tape? how much fucking work was THAT??

caleb goes from 0 to 100 on the creepy poltergeist scale real quick

well okay maybe from like 40 to 100

banshee duel yessssss

literally why would noshiko do this after she saw what happened with the nogitsune

not that i necessarily think theo is as dangerous as the nogitsune but he is well bad enough

look at this worthless white boy doing this shit against all the advice of the woc around him

why does the sword do this, i thought the power was in kira and not the sword

if the power is in the sword why couldnt noshiko fix her own damn blade

look at this other worthless white boy even more worthless than the first

that looks like melissa is putting like grout on chris’ injury that does not look comfortable

oh look hes screaming imma guess it was not in fact comfortable

gratuitous jr bourne fanservice

awwww theyre holding haaaaands again

how did this kid get on the stairs the last time we saw him he was by the tv, why did scott and malia let him herd him like this

i appreciate malia’s willingness to beat up a kid poltergeist immensely

of the pictures on caleb’s walls, many are pictures of insects. one is a blue crab. one says ‘guten’ on it, which somehow entertains me a lot.

this is the second time this episode has tried to make me scared of carousel horses

the vhs footage loops while no one is attending to it which is not how vhs tapes work

malia is such a treasure

that being said having nearly drowned twice in my childhood this whole drowning-on-dry-land conceit is not super great for me

screencapping this is so gross

i love lydia’s fierce banshee scream face

so the blood was on the carousel before the wild hunt attack, as we see in lydia’s vision. SO WHY IS IT THERE??

THERE ARE KIDS RIDING ON THIS CAROUSEL WHILE SOME OF THE HORSES ARE BLOODY

poor skateboard bro couldnt even take his skateboard like rude wild hunt

i feel like there’s a lot more ghost riders here than there are in beacon hills. maybe the ghost riders just come for particular towns and the ones in bh are actually like... cora isaac and danny.

its amazing how much younger a good foundation can maybe somebody look

did liam SERIOUSLY just tell theo he can kill whoever he wants? did i hear that right? bc that is a TERRIBLE thing to tell theo, who has ALREADY KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE, even if what you meant was ‘dont kill us you need us’.

i cant believe we got this cheap knockoff as an excuse to not have kira and then they didnt even let him have the powers he needed to do the job

otoh watching his ass get blasted back into the tunnels was satisfying

literally nobody cares if youre okay theo you murderous fuck

i wonder how many times scott had someone steadying him telling HIM he has to breathe like hes doing for malia right here

i should really keep a tally of how many times scott does stiles’ lizard tongue thing while stiles is gone

this is gross of me to think while the character is basically drowning but hey now i know what scott looks like with his bottom lip all wet and covered in somewhat translucent stretchy goo--jizz. okay. it looks like jizz.

scott mccall nearly drowns on dry land after a lifetime of severe asthma and the first thing he does after is ask if malia is ok

luckily THIS time she asks if HES okay to but jeez

he looks so shocked and confused to be asked extra jeez

more scolia handholding, this time while fleeing danger

i was literally three in 1987 and i still have more grey hair than lenore who was demonstrably an adult in 1987 I AM VERY ANGRY

that being said i realized why caleb here’s clothing was bothering me so much. nobody had shorts that long in the 80s. everybody wore short as hell shorts in the 80s. it was thighs everywhere.

these stupid motherfuckers taking theo to scott’s HOME and putting him in scott’s SAFE SPACE without even WARNING HIM oh my GOD

those better not also be scott’s CLOTHES

ok but WHY are the wild hunt trapped? did they BRING the northern lights or is the northern lights related to what’s trapping them?

excuse me but WHEN did lydia see anything related to what happens to people after the wild hunt takes them and why didnt we get to see it too?

seriously its like if scott is thinking of stiles then lizard blep

im so mad at liam for bringing theo back and putting him in scotts house i cant even see straight

and i just know that this anger that scott is being allowed will be it

and in a week or two itll be working with theo like nothing ever happened

im honestly shocked he even got this much

he even got undercut there by malias (also justified) rage

cool that the morrigan got a namedrop but i dont trust them with that story eitherrrrr

man let me tell you if this was martin and not scott and somehow he had been murdered and resurrected and was then confronted with his murderer in his pack house that murderer would not fucking leave alive

im still kind of mad that this season brought claudia back to life just to make her so sketch and make me kind of hate her, i didnt want to hate her

oh okay its a different weird leaf decor piece than the other one

oh yeah noah OKAY NOW youre starting to believe BUDDY you have faith issues

#long post for ts #like this is so long #so so so long #just my train of thought tho #no episode of teen wolf is without sin #read at your own risk #this is unfiltered #and idk what tags its gonna end up in #but my biased opinions are Obvious.

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whenwemeetagainill-blog · 4 years

Text

Feb 20. Thursday 2020

Dearest Pat, I finally understood why you're doing what you're doing. I felt abandoned, not cared about, and sometimes that you hated me. I was so confused. Truth is I'm still confused. know that deep down you know I told your family because that is what I've always turned to in my darkest moments. It's always been the thing to pull me towards the light and reminded me of who I truly am especially at my darkest. You kept saying I did it out of vindication, but baby I know you dont really believe that because you would have never spoken to me again. I thought, I mean I truly thought you wouldnt after you blocked me on everything..my emotions during that period would go from "wait seriously?" To "are you fucking kidding me?" To "why did you leave me?" To "what the fuck made you hate me?" To "I deserve better." I didnt want to come back to California. Truly. I remember having to down an entire mojito, a shot of tequila, and two drinks you showed me Tito's and seltzer on the plane. I was to pick up my kittens, they were staying at your moms since you were the only other person who I knew in this area to take care of them. But you were so angry. It was so hard.. the man I fell in love with, the man I wanted to marry.. well I had faith in that man.. he was my favorite human. I admired everything you did. Your disciplined life style always inspired me. Your cleanliness. Your routine. Your selflessness. Your attentiveness. The way you used to handle my crazy, which always ended up making me giggle at myself and all the silly thoughts my mind could come up with. Your love for your family. Your famous quote "family heals all." When we did drugs for the first time I never thought things would change so drastically over the next few months. If you asked me a few months shy of a year ago I would have never ever pictured us ending up in such a broken spot. If I had known your family would have handled things the way they decided to I would have had to come up with a different route to help BOTH of us get back on track. You dont give up on someone. You dont outcast someone or not speak to them. Not in my family we dont. In fact my family does the opposite. It surrounds me like a village, supports me when I just feel like running or drowning in my own well of demons. They remind me of who I am and what i am capable of.. and the desire to continue down the dark path fades. The desire to get high after a while begins to look so unimportant. I feel like you're not sober. I dont know why my heart is screaming you're not. I suppose because the man I fell in love with would vocalize he knew I was trying to do the right thing and we could work together as a team... you're out with your family but that doesnt mean you had to lose mine and myself... the girl you used to call "the love of your life." When I was ready to surrender to the fact I would never see you.. you called me back after hearing my message. You agreed to having closure and asked me to bring your things. I was expecting a cold "thanks for my stuff, nice knowing you." Instead you held me. kissed me, made love to me, cuddled with me and ran your fingers through my hair as tears dripped down my cheeks. You told me how much you had missed this." I felt hope. Like maybe if I dont call or give you enough space youd miss me enough. It was the first time I recognized you the man I love for the first time in a long time. We made love the next day one more time. Before things got so confusing. I got emotional. I moved all the way down here to this city.. near your work for you. We were supposed to have our own place and start planning for our future. As I left your place after we had sex, I began to get frustrated. I realized that our definitions of love were different. I know the you that I fell in love with would STRONGLY agree. This was an ego thing. I told you: I was so weak in fear you would leave me that I didn't stop it when it began. That will be my biggest regret in this whole situation. I continued to tell you real love is selflessness. I was thinking longterm and what was best for our benifit. You had to go to tour your search for the new apartment you were going to move into. I got mad. So mad. What about us? I mean couldn't we work this shit out.. I am in a place where you built our furniture. I kept thinking why is he punishing me? Why...? You're still not you yet. Not the man I fell in love with. You're the person that you were starting to become that I was trying to pull back from the dark.. except worse.. it's almost like it speeded up by 20x. You stayed selfish. You stayed immature and with this weird mentality... you stayed NOT the real you. I got desperate. SO desperate. By behaving this way it's hard to believe you're clean. It's hard to believe you're sober. Because that man would never ever treat me the way you have the last few weeks since I shed light to our families of what we had done. My dad even called you offering rehab or anything you needed. You thanked him for his generous offer but declined it. You're still declining any type of help.. So it got so confusing and so frustrating i began getting crazy. I look back at it and I plrealized maybe I was trying to give myself an actual reason I was being treated like shit or like some emotional infant. You knew that ghosting me is the worst kind of pain. You did it so well. The longer you refused to see me, or answer my calls..the more and more crazy I got. I was desperate. Telling people our business always guaranteed a text... it felt like that was all you cared about your "image." Which drove me nuts. What about what I cared about? It was not until two days ago after an awful arguement and crazy ass behavior including threats on both of our ends.. which in this case was vindictive of us both that I surrendered to the fact i completely lost my fucking mind. I told you how ashamed I was and that I love you so much and you said that you love me too 💗. I hadn't hear those words in a few weeks. It felt like forever. It softened me. I cried. I cried hard. That was the start to the shift where I again began to recognize my baby. I looked at our old photos.. all of them outweighing everything bad. They always have. I began to feel more like myself, more like the woman I had grown with you by my side that I was so incredibly impressed with. The next day.. today I was so productive. Youd be so proud of me. I think that's what I'll miss alot too. Being able to tell someone the small and intricate parts of my day. I guess that's why I started this private page. Tonight's conversation was hard. Sad. Beautiful. Forgiving. Understanding. Accepting and loving. You kept your response short..I know you well enough to know it's a method of self preservation. When you said we should have radio silence for a long time... my heart oh gosh it shattered. I was at my first work event for NAMI Oceanside... when you sent me that. I later sent you a message. I finally understood it. I shared this with you. You said you believe in me. I believe in you too my sweets. It's all so fresh. It all stings. I'm not sure if you really are just saying all of these nice things because you are afraid I'd cause further wreckage... but the part of me that believes in the part of you that truly loves me wrote you the following.. (See attached text) You didnt say much.. but you didnt have to. I know exactly what your were feeling. All I had to do was close my eyes that had tears dripping out of them and put my hand on my heart like we had done so many times in your bed.. when words had escaped us and we were just trying to send each other love. I felt you. I felt you deeply in that moment. I also felt a sense of hope.. strength. Like theres something in the future that we aren't quite done yet. I know you were so happy when your dad would write you letters. I also know I dont know who I'm going to tell all of the things I'd tell you. I want to respect your boundaries. We both need some time. So I'm writing this down. To my best lover and teacher and best friend yet.. and when we meet again I'll share all of it.. to let you know just how much you've been missed and HOW much you missed 💗 I love you.

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