#feeling better than the last few days

[godofsmallthings]

i wish i could take the time to parse through my taylor swift is/isn't a gay icon thoughts on here but i fear people on this website don't know how to behave

#like she isn't a gay icon. but she is a lesbian icon? but like in different ways than gay icons have historically been gay icons #basically what i'm trying to say is that her status as a lesbian icon has literally nothing to do with her interactions with the lesbian #community. like i don't feel particularly revered or nurtured by her in the way someone like gaga has taken the time to #actually sit with and deliberately cater to gay culture for example #like it's different. #and almost entirely fandom-led #whether taylor is actually queer is also irrelevant to this #am i making any sense? #like okay i think you could argue she did a little bit of it in 2019 but we all know how that felt/came across #she's better at being a gay icon when she's explicitly not including the queer community in her work or acknowledging them in any way #because it's literally not of her own volition #and i'm honestly not convinced it's an aspect of her art or fanbase she considers #sometimes it feels like it actively makes her uncomfortable #and yet she really has become entrenched in modern day lesbian pop culture iconography in these last few years #anyway this isn't me Saying Anything. i'm just thinking about it #vi is typing...

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

WIFI IS MINE ONCE AGAIN as i sit on a mattress on the floor

#it feels like ive been without it for so long... #it has been... three and a half days... i am Weak.... #nah jk i wouldve been find without it for much longer #but boy howdy am i Glad to be able to use my dear beloved laptop again #i am In The New Place i am Beginning To Settle #tomorrow i begin unpacking my own stuff!!! exciting!!! #i cant wait to admire all of my Things! #ohhhh and i finally have a spot on the wall for my combo whiteboard/corkboard.... #im still very stressed and i want to lay in a hole but!! #i am doing slightly better than a few days ago! #the weather has been nice... cool and rainy... i am not used to cool and rainy #its also cold and i am - unfortunately - a desert creature #suffice to say i am wearing hand warmers a hoodie and a blanket #absolutely unprompted #the place's last owner Didnt Fucking Clean though #so there have been many spiders. and cobwebs. and general Grime we will have to scrub #like seriously today i was dusting the ceiling. THE CEILING. #had to dust & vacuum the windowsills... gonna scrub my bathroom tomorrow... #theres a large tear in my bedroom carpet too... #ugh and the cabinets are Small so organizing all the spices and shit has been Rancid #stuff has to go out of place and you cant see it all and MY ORGANIZATIONAL SYSTEMS ARE CRUMBLING #sometimes it feels like my adhd and autism are fistfighting but during a move? #lockstep babeyyyy. they are Streamlined. lots of things and lots of sorting & placing and eeheehee #i have also killed most of the freakishly huge mosquitos in the house so! things are better! #that first night was Rough! its better now! this shell is becoming a House!

[girlboyburger]

hello all, i really don't want to ask, but having covid is most definitely making me work slower than usual. since freelancing is my only job, i've got really limited income while i'm sick. if i could get a little help so i can get easy to make / eat foods today, it'd mean the world ;__; thank you square tips / kofi

#i colored in a milo i had linesd a few days prior last night. was spossed to be a warmup #it took me almost 6 hours #and i ended up going to bed with a bigger headache than usual #so i'm going to try and be light on screentime today #delete later #i'm feeling. so bad. better than day one but not as good as i'd hope on day 3 #hh

[icewindandboringhorror]

Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb

#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that #you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario #where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality #and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do #also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute #like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the #AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties #on people last minute lol #assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about #birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc. #ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted #AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj #I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people #I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews #or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made #surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra #m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj) #I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat #whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh #New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing #for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way #*** *** *** #< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol) #(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me) #BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you? #:0c

[bigmammallama5]

gonna go get the new covid booster tomorrow ya girls gonna feel like SHIT

#stupid rant is stupid #yeehaw #i mean like hopefully i wont feel like shit for too long #we'll see lmfao ugh #better do my chores and cleaning today and tomorrow before i crash #also for my new people #i am a case where my body had decided to make me feel like covid when i get the shots #like the second shot of the first wave of vaccines put me down 5 days lol #that time has since reduced but its been a year since my last booster #so #mmmm #trepidation lol #but i would much rather feel like shit for a few days than make my current problems worse with getting sick or long covid

[theshadowrealmitself]

Still thinking about Spiderpeople (and people connected to those Spiderpeople) from the universes where it seems an awful lot like they’re the only heroes landing in a universe where it’s one of the Spiderpeople who’s surrounded by other heroes like the Avengers and the Fantastic 4, etc

And obviously because of this they’re gonna be extra careful about secret identities because of all the extra heroes who aren’t Spidey hanging around, and I’m just thinking about the Prowler (Aaron) trying to figure out if he’s alive or even existing in this universe while trying not to give away too much so he’s just like “who’s the coolest bald man you know?”

And Spidey’s like “oh!! I know exactly who you want!! follow me!!”

He brings them to Nick Fury.

Later on they run into what’s obviously a variant of Miles, who the other Spidey of that universe didn’t bring up because Miles isn’t known as “Spiderman” in that universe (maybe it’s like “arachnikid,” or it’s Prowler!Miles, or maybe he’s just going through a phase where he’s trying out a new hero name each week, etc)

So Aaron’s like “oh great, I can definitely ask him, but again I gotta be discrete because of all these extra heroes around” so he asks him in the exact same way he asked the other Spidey (“who’s the coolest bald man you know?”)

Miles also brings them to Nick Fury.

(Yes his uncle is still alive, yes the other Aaron is absolutely gonna tell on him)

Also! Because there’s so much emphasis on the other heroes handling “big stuff”, I like to imagine they all keep trying to insert themselves into the situation because it’s a multiverse situation which falls under “their jurisdiction” and Spidey’s just like “??? they’re all Spiderpeople tho, this is my thing, go away, shoo”

#this is being scheduled in case I don’t come back #I mean like in case I’m gone for more than a few days #taking some time off the internet #either this is a healthy break or I’m isolating myself. not fully sure. #hopefully I come back mentally better #and not. like. worse because it was actually a ‘bad isolation’ thing. #so yeah we’ll see #it’s gonna feel weird not posting everyday #should I make a post before taking a break? …nah I don’t think it’ll be a big deal #(<- famous last words but seriously I’ll be fine) #I’ll probably be back once they finish figuring out my financial aid stuff so I don’t have to keep stressing over it #they’re having issues accepting my ward of the court letter it’s hella stressful #I don’t really *need* to schedule a post but I hardly ever use the scheduling function #so I’m using the excuse <3 #scheduling for the dead hours as a fun gift for the people who will still be up at that time #Spiderman #spiderwoman #spidermen #spiderwomen #spiderpeople #peter parker #just cause he’s my default spidey #miles morales #aaron davis #the prowler #nick fury #Spider-Man #spider man

[rjshope]

Just in case, i'm still here x)

#i see your messages and i'll answer them i promise! #the thing is at first i took a break from everything for a few days (and ofc the boys went to the military on these days exactly!) #then i tried to use my new laptop and i don't like it #i don't like how the colors look on it (evn tho they were calibrated) so i can't make gifs from it #so maybe i'll sell it and try to buy a proper pc #and also my cat didn't feel well these days #as usually last week of vacation and i am literally a hamster in a wheel nothing new x) #but in the meantime i finished bv3 #and as much as i liked it the scene with jin who was left alone in the bar brought back some painful memories i was literally shaking #so this season gave me mixed and bittersweet feelings in general (at least they gave me yoonjin date) #but now i'm catching up on run bts and i just finished the blue village and it was even more fun than i expected #but both parts of golden bell are my favorites for now😁 #hope y'all are doing better than me💖 i miss you guys

[mossflower]

loki season two has me screaming crying throwing up trying not to get dragged back into the mcu trenches

#i am stronger than this. i am better than this!! #by the trenches i mean consuming fanfiction at an unhealthy rate. fourteen year old me was insane i think i was on ao3 more than i slept #that’s not exaggeration. i was getting four hours of sleep on school nights and frequently went to bed at 5am on weekends #it is ONE good story. one. literally not worth it. i don’t even care about ninety percent of the mcu characters #i will ignore the little voice in my head reminding of the sheer amount of fanfiction. this was my pre-tumblr days #so my fandom interaction was like. youtube and ao3. maybe instagram posts sometimes. it was so much fun like. zero drama zero discourse #i was honestly living my best life. got less interested when i joined tumblr and went full doctor who mode #and after endgame i watched i think wandavision and loki and that was it. just didnt care anymore lol #i know exactly why this is happening tho. currently the thing i am insane about is my own damn project. which i am in the process of writin #for obvious reasons no fandom there. bc it lives in my mind twenty four fucking seven #i do wonder if i’m kind of growing away from fandom anyway? the closest i’ve got since toh ended was homestuck tbh #i want to feel obsessed with something again!! everything i’m into now - tma tlt and the like - i love them #but it doesnt hit like it used to. i don’t know it’s hard to explain #like video essays that i would have loved a few years ago!! the hour long ones about representation and queer media #they just irritate me now! i got halfway through one last week and had to bail i just could not care less #how did 2020 social media have me convinced that x character being gay was super important politically economically socially etc #ofc the answer is that i was a baby lesbian getting even less social interaction than normal #like representation is important obviously but also. sometimes it was not that deep #i don’t know if i’m making sense tbh but you get my drift #morganposting

[cookinguptales]

also I finished s3 of malevolent and I've got to say that I think it's much improved at this point. seems more cohesive and the character work seems more advanced. most importantly, I think, the relationship between John and Arthur is starting to feel more... earned, I suppose.

like, I trusted the podcast when Arthur agreed that he loved John at the end of s2, but I was also like ??? because I'm not sure that relationship development was really shown... on-page, so to speak.

I think that s3 did a lot of that uhhh. I don't want to say "tedious work," but the fact of the matter is that relationships only feel genuine when they have time to grow organically. I think showing us more of their time together in the prison and the bad choices they make for each others' sakes did a lot more to make their devotion (...such as it is) feel more real. the little moments matter, you know?

so much of s1 and s2 involved them running around fighting monsters, but s3 had one fairly focused mystery and so it could relax a little more and spend more time on the relationship. I think that writing was more effective, imo.

I don't think s4 is finished yet, right? (Or did that come out today...?) I guess I'll dive into that shortly.

#I'm feeling better than I was the last few days but I suspect tomorrow after SNM my body is gonna be shot #might be another good podcast day lmao #malevolent tag

[kris-mage-fics]

So I did cave(as I knew I would, I have very little self-control when it comes to this kind of thing lol) and bought and played through Scarlet Hollow and WOW you were right! I gotta say the weight your choices carry are MUCH more terrifying than anything else (which was a big thing I saw when reading reviews and such but I'm almost like NO THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY AAAHH😬😬) and the butterfly effect of it all. It is HEAVY and definitely requires a palette cleanser (for me at least) but it was good and of course I'm already drawing elaborate art of my MC about it 😂😂

I glad you liked it and it wasn't too scary! (This is a follow-up to an ask kingdom-dance sent a little while ago.) Yeah, the amount of power the cousin holds is huge! Their choices alone determine SO much, without trying they hold the lives of a lot of people in their hands. And you are right, that weight is a lot more terrifying than the rest of the game! Especially because we haven't even seen all the consequences of most of those choices yet. Like three of my four characters have a worldstate where Duke is dead, and we still don't know what that means for the town. Besides Bo and his mom being without him suddenly, that is. I'm with you on needing a palate cleanser. It is a heavy game, and I really feel the weight of the choices we make. But I still love it to bits, and I'm so glad my friends talked me into playing it! Now I'm really looking forward to seeing a drawing of your cousin! I want to know all about them, like what are their traits, which characters like them and which don't, and what choices they made!

#sorry for not answering sooner #the last few days have been rough but I'm feeling somewhat better today #honestly Scarlet Hollow has me coming up with more theories and digging into themes and characters more than any I've played #Shepherds of Haven comes in second in that regard #though my partner and I once had an hour long conversation about the morality of a single choice in Ebon Light lol #not that he's played any of these games - but we both like to talk about stories with each other #scarlet hollow

[ratstuckinamarble]

I was hanging up a Halloween garland to get a little more into the spirit of things, when I lost hold of the damn thing and it flung itself against my shelf.

The one with a vase on it. Which immediately got dragged down to the floor.

I could already hear the crash of glass... except it never came. There I am on my stepstool, looking at my scattered dried flowers, absolutely confused as to where the hell that vase went. I thought it had disappeared. Somehow. I was properly befuddled.

...It had fallen into one of my backpacks, which basically swallowed the whole thing up without looking like anything had happened. Thanks for making me think I was losing it dude. At least I didn't have to clean up any glass (⁠´⁠-⁠﹏⁠-⁠`⁠；⁠)

#I was looking everywhere lol #man it's been a little harder to blog these last few days I'll be honest #cause I bonked my head pretty hard and now I'm starting to fear I might be slightly concussed... #hard to tell cause all the symptoms are just stuff that's rather normal for me #it's just heightened right now #like thinking or walking without being all wobbly has been more difficult than it should be haha #I've just been feeling /weird/ I don't know how else to describe it #I'm just telling you this so y'all don't get confused if I'm acting off #I don't know I find it hard to tell #feeling better already thought so that's good #that lingering pressure in my head should go away soon it's lessened already #but have y'all been feeling particularly Halloweeny? #can't say I have unfortunately #october has been busy for me though so I saw that coming from a mile away #just a bit of a shame #spooky season #rätposting

[icewindandboringhorror]

Some (late) holiday photos of the boye~!

#cats #holiday #OUGHH....... barely could even get these edited and posted... my mysterious sickness flare up has been sooo bad the past few #days.. I didn't even go to the usual obligatory family christmas I was supposed to attend (!!! health issue/medical mention in tags below) #My stomach issues basically put me in a constant state of uncontrollable shivering/body shaking + nausea + sometimes rapid heart #rate. and when it happens at night that makes it like.. nearly impossible to sleep when you're violently shaking + you can feel your heart #so strong + you keep having to run to the bathroom every 5 minute to cough and gag #and throw up and so on and so forth. etc. So I went like 40 hours without any sleep almost for christmas eve and all of christmas day #last night I finally got maybe 2 hours of sleep in between the nausea and shaking and stuff. and then today I was able to get a few #hours of sleep in the afternoon. Today I tried taking an anxiety mediciation a doctor gave me in case it was anxiety related (it's apparent #ly used to relax people and works in the moment. rather than like Anxiety Mediciation that you have to take for weeks to see any effect #because I think this isn't actually acting on your brain chemistry it's judt like..a mild sedative or something.) but all that did was make #me dizzy and sweaty lol. I;m glad I slept a little but I'm just still frustrated that I don't feel normal. I started having these #'episodes' (with the stomach issues + shaking + heartrate + nausea etc.) like at the end of october. And usually it will happen for like a #few hours at a time. or i'll lose sleep one day and then be fine the next. but this has been like nearly 3 days of feeling weird. so is #getting kind of annoying... It's funny too because I was so so productive like.. literally the few days before. I was feeling much better #and I was working on my game and blah blah. But then.. random issue flare up out of nowhere of course.. yaayy.... happy holidays to meee lo #I did at least see two random ducks outside of my window in the yard area for christmas. and havent seen them since. So it's like.. hrmm.. #pacing around my room nauseous and shakings and etc. but at least... hello.. two little ducks placed there just for me :3c #Now I get anxiety every night which I'm sure doesn't help/could exacerbate whatever underlying genuinely physical issues exist. But after #like 2 nights of 'I spend the night sleepless and incredibly uncomfortable just sitting in the dark sick' then bedtime is like.. dread... #I even was trying slapping myself in the face in desperation to see if somehow that could shock my body out of whatever the hell it was #doing lol.. up at 3am holding ice cubes in my hand and hitting myself in the head and crying from exhaustion and thowing up.. literally #ridiculous cartoon character feeling... AAANYWAY!!! At least I have baby boy pictures. and I have lots of doctors appointments so hopefully #whatever the issue is can be sorted out at some point. I don't know much about ibs but hopefully maybe something like that that I could pos #ibly take medication for and not something more seirous or anything. Maybe there's a food I'm secretly intolerant to or whatever. #And I did at least post a sims holday video actually timed for the holidays so that's something. I havent been productive really latrely #though obviously.. I can't even play games or small tasks when in that state since I'm just SO physically uncomfortable. Nausea and heart #stuff are THE hardest physical sensations to ignore.. BUT yeah... hoping I shall sleep at all tonight. hopeing to get like 3 productive #things done.. at some point... at least SOMETHING... lol..... *** *** ***

[deus-ex-mona]

kawareeeeeeeeeee~~~~~~~~~

#(aka me when my acid burns randomly start throbbin’ when i bend over :( it’s very inconvenient) #in other news ​this week absolutely s u c k s can i trade it in for a better one— #first there was that acid spill. which. like. ouch???? but the mark is still there and is apparently very obvious. which sucks #then the day after the acid attack™️ meself and one other guy were called out under the assumption that we were doing unnecessary overtime #with the ‘unnecessary’ part running off the basis that there’s a low sample volume bc one single monday had fewer samples than usual #and we were singled out j u s t because our taxi claims for last month were through the roof due to the fact that we live across the country #like??? hellooo????? why are you treating it like it’s my fault that i have to pay upwards of $24 (at least) to get home??? #and??? excuse????? why are you extrapolating the previous day’s sample volume to the previous month’s workload as a whole???? #but. m a n. the way the mildly higher up lady abruptly shouted at me for asking a question just. pissed me off. for some reason. #she was talking in circles regarding the future of our taxi claims #so i asked if we (now) had to submit a second claims form for the transport company dudes to compensate us #and she yelled at me to stop talking before i could finish :( sadded and annoyed tbh #though i get the feeling that she hasn’t liked me ever since i left some results she asked for between her desk and some other guy’s desk #and someone else had placed their notebook or sth atop it so she couldn’t find it. and she blamed me for it. ha. #that was a few weeks ago though. so. hm. i wonder if she’s still mad about that… #either way. i applied for a couple of jobs that are closer to my place bc screw travelling across the country for an hour every day #s c r e w hour-long train rides i’d rather sleep #i prolly won’t even get the other jobs but. oh well. that’s life ig

[zevrans]

.

#so i finished my 4 out of 4th 12 hour shift in a row last night and i'm literally so exhausted and i was glitching mid simple tasks 🤡✌️ #my coworker asked to change shifts so he could have that one specific day as off #and he managed to do some very critical mistakes in his 4 days prior and that's considering his gf is often with him there #and i was the one suffering the consequences even if it's literally not my fault #ever since i've got this job i've been fixing so many mistakes of his i kept wondering who's the newbie here?? #like i try to leave my shift as good as possible i clean everything check everything and do all my duties #and when i come here after his shifts it's.. a fucktonne of work mistakes and literal dirt like dude!!! #4 shifts in a row never again man never again i am so tired my brain is nerfed and i can only rest for 1 day today because tomorrow i'm #going to a doc; #my social battery is not just dead it's nonexistent at this point #i just want to lay in bed and not be percieved or interacted with for at least the same amount of days 😫 #i really thought i could take a socially demanding and rather multitasking job without it taking hugest toll on my mental state huh??? #and i had such a bad sleep too i had a very graphic and sickening nightmare which woke me up 2 hours after i fell asleep #and then i woke 2 more times after that and i feel so exhausted and not rested at all and so fatigued i can't even do anything #man for me my sleep being interrupted is the worst like i function better if i have a smaller amount of sleep but it's uninterrupted #than longer in hours but it gets interrupted and i wake up even once #sorry i come here once in few days vent post and then dissapearvckfkv 😭 i miss tumblr but have no energy currently to even rb anything 🥲 #tbd

[undefeatednils]

Stuff in tags, only wanna semi-scream into the void

...

#nils talking #feeling very tired after this week #the start was so full of uncertainty and while a bit of relief has set in #I'm just drained #tomorrow I'll be visiting a friend for a semi-regular thing and I'm not really in the mood #but I also don't wanna cancel so I hope I'll just feel better tomorrow than I did the last few days #bc I do feel kinda lonely rn and like I'm treading water #I need change and closure and I won't get it before the year is over #too many variables too much that still needs to happen first #but there could be smaller changes that are less drastic #connections that don't need to be for a long time but rather beautiful moments #or a deepening of connections I already have but which are very marginal #at the moment I see both potential within me but also my current limits and limitations #anyway I just hope that the next few months will bring happiness and progress for me #I don't wish to fade away into the background #I want to try my best at making an impact and being remembered fondly #to not just be the awkward fat person that stood in the corner of the party #or who was just a random fellow student or coworker #I hate feeling powerless but it's so difficult to change things when you lack the energy #sorry about this if you read this you're entitled to compensation #also for the record I don't recommend looking up what former classmates are doing a decade after graduating school #it's a mostly depressing affair

[solarisgod]

Been having a night where I'm just. Feeling so much more hopeful about our future, which is such a very rare thing, but because of recent personal events and my cluster, I've definitely been a lot more happier than I was for almost four months straight, especially last month that was brimmed with negativity and anxiety for me while the beginning of March was extremely hard. But a lot of good things are happening to us and esp. me, and I just have this really good feeling everything will indeed be all okay in the end. I really do hope for those who's been struggling lately or for a long time that they will soon be able to have signs that everything will be okay while they can find that hope about their own futures. It takes so much time and patience and strength to endure it all and work with it, but the pain won't be like this forever, I promise.

#[ I can't even remember most of what happened since November but few horrible events but ] #[ I just know I was at the lowest physically and mentally so painfully consistently and last month made me worst ] #[ but I've been finally free since mid March and I'm just. So happy and grateful to see our life has been more peaceful and pleasant ] #[ like truly one way or another things will get better and again I truly really do hope for those who needs this ] #[ that one day they will be able to find serenity at least a bit at a time and ] #[ even eventually feel as their life isn't something to endure but to live through it ] #[ it can and will get better especially if one at least tries to be a better person than yesterday's version ] #( going to bed now ; just been having an emo sappy night don't mind me o+< goodnight <333 )