#feeling Connected with other believers

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[yonemurishiroku]

*staring at a post that reminds me that Grover and Percy share an empathy link*

*muttering*: “Damn. They have this and there’s barely any Grover/Percy out there? Are you fucking kidding me? What’s the fuck is this fandom doing?”

#bc if this was a manga there would be at least 300 fanfics on AO3 #sharing an empathy link? to feel the other no matter how far you are? connected at the deepest of your consciouness? #r u fucking kidding me that sounds like the best ship material ever #best friend trope is like one of the biggest tropes in fandoms etc #i cant believe this #hoo #toa #yone rambling #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #heroes of olympus #trials of apollo #percy jackson #grover underwood #grover/percy #pjo fandom

[aroaessidhe]

2024 reads / storygraph

Fallen Thorns

dark urban fantasy coming-of-age

follows a boy settling into university, when after a date (that he didn’t even want to go on) turns bad he’s made into a vampire

as he settles into his new existence and the local vampire community - while they try to find who’s been leaving bodies across the city - he discovers that there’s something different and darker within him

aroace neurodivergent MC

#fallen thorns #aroaessidhe 2024 reads #I enjoyed this a lot! #there's definitely things I want to know more about...I think it's going to be a series? the only thing explicitly mentioned is a prequel #the ending is a bit weird and I don't entirely get the sun/star/moon stuff dfhgd #really great characters and atmosphere #great aroace MC in general tho minor pet peeve from me: #it does have that thing where the character spends half the book ruminating about how there’s something wrong with them bc they don't feel #things everyone else does etc etc and it’s like omg all these queer people and nobody’s heard about asexuality??? #then he’s having a conversation with someone later in the book and he’s like yeah I know about asexual but I didn’t think about that re: me #and the other char is like: what if…..it IS you…..and he’s like omg. i AM asexual there’s nothing wrong with me after all! (in like. a page #like I’ve read this in multiple books LMAO. I do get that you can know about an identity and not connect it to your experiences #but somehow the writing of it like this is never quite believable? too sudden? then it's not thought about much after that? #anyway that's not a critique of the ''representation'' as much as just the writing I think - there's a few areas where I thought the writin #could be improved structurally or whatever. Didn't massively impede my enjoyment. #(I do also love an aroace mentor/parent figure!) #aromantic #aroace books #aromantic books

[knickynoo]

Two of my favorite little scenes from BTTF part II are the moments where Marty stops to watch his parents in 1955. I mean, he was only just there living through those events one day prior, but he didn't actually have a chance to soak any of it in or process it. (He'd come flailing into the parking lot just after George punched Biff but hardly had time to appreciate any of it on account of his picture still fading, and then at the dance, he was. You know. Actively being erased from existence up there on stage for a while.)

Even though the stakes are still unbelievably high when he returns to '55 to try to track down the almanac, and he's just experienced what may be the most stressful and terrifying day of his life with all the 1985A nonsense, he makes it a point to slow down enough to watch his parents at the dance. And there's just this look on his face—a mixture of awe and relief and happiness. You can tell. You can tell this is getting permanently etched into Marty's memory. He's taking in every detail. He's holding tightly to these sweet moments of watching his parents (who had been unhappily married most of or all of his life) FALL IN LOVE. A real, true love that he's never had a chance to see them in before.

Not to mention the fact that in the reality he'd just arrived from, his mother had been forced into marriage with Biff, and his father was dead. Marty's just come from a place where his family had been completely destroyed, and now he's watching the very foundation of it coming together. This is the beginning of it all, and it's a reminder of what he's trying so hard to save and get back to.

And it's so very nice that we see him hitting the pause button for a few seconds in this chaos-fest to look at his mom and dad with such love.

#marty mcfly #back to the future #bttf #look at him #the boy loves his parents #there are also other thoughts i can't quite clearly articulate #about what Marty's perception of love and marriage might have been like after being raised by his Twin Pines parents #because I can't imagine that years of seeing two unhappy people who cannot emotionally connect wouldn't skew his feelings in some way #and maybe lay shaky groundwork for what he believes a marriage should look like #but then he gets to time travel and see his mom and dad fall completely & truly in love #a love that he can see and feel the depth of that night at the dance #(and that then carries over into the new timeline) #and so i wonder how that impacted him. or how it might have helped him with issues he wasn't even aware he had #anyway. i'm just going on a rambling in the tags #*hugging Marty tightly*

[morporkian-cryptid]

I was going to make a joke about these being the shittiest Inari fox statuettes in the history of Shinto, but you know what? I think I did a pretty good job! Especially considering I made them from scratch out of Fimo dough using a fork, a paperclip and an eraser.

#me? building a home-made kami altar? mayhaps. #obligatory disclaimer: i do not believe in shinto (or any other religion for that matter) nor do i intend to actually worship at that altar #i simply have a deep appreciation for japanese culture and i feel a certain connection with shinto in general and inari-sama in particular #hence wanting to craft something for myself that reminds me of a culture i love #the hobbit crafts #japan #fox #kitsune #shinto #inari

[dennisboobs]

Dennis says the L word

#i definitely didnt have this kicking around on my hard drive #iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #dennis reynolds #the genuine ones being within his daydream where he has been forcibly desexualized by losing use of his dick & actually falling in love #in mac's fantasy where he fucking dies and dennis was too late to say it #forced out of necessity by dennis' fear of abandonment by dee #spoken when he believes theyre in a life or death situation and hoping to connect with dee at the very end #telling his wife that he does not love her while looking to mac and then reaffirming this saying he's NEVER loved her #and of course while absolutely shitfaced and upset at the loss of his childhood stuffed elephant (and dee's betrayal) #ill be real. the second i heard him say a bunch of shit about feelings & how he loved the monkey in 15x4 i had to check to see who wrote it #it had been SO long................ like of course glenn is the one to bring it back. ok. #more of den saying he loves things plz #ada speaks #ada's videos #if you guys can think of any other times he's said it pleasssseeee let me know lol i tried #update: i added in a few more #left out the ones in 7x01 w him talking about loving no restrictions bc i wanted this to be abt him expressing Love to sentient beings #loving crack and loving a person are two different L words jskhbshn

[suncaptor]

nothing will make you sympathise with conspiracy theorist ideology more than having a seemingly rare reaction to a vaccine lmao.

#reading articles that try to falsify genuine incorrect information about the covid vaccines from 2021 is making me feel insane #'there's no way the covid vaccine can trigger an autoimmune disorder' uhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH #factually extremely wrong! #they're soooo condescening too like why on EARTH do you think people who are genuinely sick or scared would believe you. #they'll be like there's no scientific evidence that anyone can be harmed by the covid vaccine <3 blatantly untrue. #I know that part of this is retrospect like obviously since more studies have come out and all #but it's infurirating bc they're from the time *I* was having those symptoms *and* telling doctors about it *and* being told the connection #to my other severe symptoms from the covid vaccine were Utterly Impossible (since proven false) and that if the symptoms WERE related #it meant i had a life threatening illness at worst and had a high chance of losing my vision at best #likeeeeeeeee #doctors still DO NOT know what the fuck they're doing do NOT trust anyone who gives ANY 100% answers #i don't know why i'm doing this i just said to stop obsessing but i'm just reading pages and articles on countering misinformation to make #sure i don't -- i want to know the conspiracy theories to recognise them immediately right #and then people are just saying bullshit to defend themselves #i mean most of the anti covid vacc people were also far right so i don't have too much sympathy for their vaccine ideology #but like. fucking hell what a way to push people into conspiracies. #you CAN'T counter misinformation by SPREADING MORE MISINFORMATION #just because it SOUNDS BETTER and MORE REASSURING to say there's not chance of harm doesn't mean you should #there's A LOW chance of harm THAT IS MUCH MUCH less high than the impacts of covid #god I'm pissed off. 2021 i was so fucking terrified of spreading this shit just by talking about my lived experiences. #to say i was not taking the pandemic seriously OR anti vax is so blatantly ridiculous considering who I am as a person but that doesn't mea #that the covid vaccine specifically didn't make me ill :////// #delete

[jemmo]

i don’t even have the words. im happy. im so so happy. i love how happy they are. i love watching them together and being so comfortable around each other. i love watching the moments when they look at each other with such affection, when their hearts flutter. i love that sungho admires junsung’s persistence but also knows that junsung has never burdened him and he appreciates that. i love that junsung was patient, and let sungho know that he was never once unhappy even before sungho reciprocated his feelings, bc being close to him, talking to him, having him by his side, that in itself made him happy. im just so happy. i can’t find the words, just happy.

#i cried a lot watching those two episodes #but I am so happy that I can now feel at peace watching them #I love that they managed to meet and see each other this way and connect god it’s just so beautiful to watch #I feel so gross about them #like my pessimistic soul is slowly crumbling and revealing this heart that believes in true love and human connection bc of them #what else is there to say #im so happy #his man 2

[craycraybluejay]

On the next episode of Are Maleness and Sadism Interlinked or Am I Just Weird About My Masculinity and Kink

#my tranny sex mysticism is cooler than your cissy sex mysticism #although gender in general is a construct and everyone ties things to their gender which have little or no #real connection to anything like that #bc gender is identity #clothes are the easiest example but #i think i understand when people say stuff that sounds nonsensical like 'my gender is venus flytrap' #because gender is identity and if its a big thing in your identity you kinda like #connect it to your femaleness or maleness or both neither other #like when a girl fights shes still feminine kicking ass and that doesnt make her any less good at kicking ass #or when a guy does his nails it can very much be a masculine thing for him #its all made up and based on vague feelings and concepts #so sure conservatives feel free to identify as an ak47 you know its not a gotcha #and radfems feel free to keep calling me a monster it makes me hard <3 #but yea like. identity is both complex and simple. its the human condition to identify with things #and i dont think 'neogenders' are particularly new i just think we had different words or no words for that #but people have and always will identify with anything and everything #thats human nature. we mirror and absorb and grow #even twin sisters experience femaleness differently or even call it different things #girlhood or being a lady etc etc #even within the cishet society gender is not as simple as authoritarians would like you to believe #anyway yeah my gender identity is sadistic male aligned freak and other things

[gierosajie]

I can't remember where that post about no one suspecting Venti as Barbatos because of deeply ingrained color association is, but imagine Venti walking in without his cape and hat, and everyone just going "who the heck are you???"

#genshin impact #venti #*insert perry the platypus meme* #I feel like Gotelinde would've had a higher chance of believing him if he wore a little more white and teal and less earth colors #color is a powerful thing #even with his signature stuff you wouldn't connect it back to Venti #he's cracked the code: wear a whole other palette to throw people off your trail #meanwhile the other archons are very blatant in the color connections #the others are fine but Zhongli. sir you are a walking geo archon billboard

[mafuteru]

i dont really have a yearning for romantic love or affection by itself. but i do feel a dreadful longing when i see anything related to the childhood friends to lovers trope

#just knowing that even if by some chance i were to have a lover. #that person would only be someone i met and came to know as an adult #this realization is hitting me recently #somehow in my brain i just thought that when i meet the person i love #our pasts will be rewritten so that we will have known each other since childhood. #obviously i didnt believe something like this lol but it was just a feeling.. #but in reality i will never be able to have that kind of ideal connection. ever #i will never be able to know those parts of that person. their past versions. #meaning i will never be able to love those parts of them either. since they are unknown to me. making the love incomplete and lacking #...hm i rly should not post these thoughtful posts. my insanities ought to be contained inside my mind alone #shion.txt

[silenthillbunni]

hmm

#i just feel like i cant connect to anyone #i dont feel safe with anyone. ppl are so cold and callous #and in fact most ppl support and contribute to abuse & rape culture #and knowing that just makes me not feel safe or comfortable with them #thus i cant trust them w my experiences. i cant trust them at all tbh #+ i have a deeper connection w animals & nature and most ppl.. are so disconnected from those #i just dont feel.. ok with anyone #also the fact that i constantly have to mask. every interaction w ppl feels like a performance #everyone already has decided what they think others should be. and i dont fit into that. im none of it #so i feel sm like no one could understand me. and in turn i dont understand anyone either :/ #it's making me feel so so so so fucking lonely #my world views and experiences and everything are things i just cannot ignore #i simply cant shut it off and be w ppl regardless #and i know i cant expect to meet ppl EXACTLY like me. but i just want some that are kinda similar #sigh all of this is so hard to even put into words. it feels like im not explaining this properly #i just look around me sometimes and feel so extremely alone bc i cant connect w anyone. i just dont understand ppl at all. #and i just wanna feel safe and comfortable #maybe what im saying is that someone world views and morals etc are important to me #i cant connect with someone who denies a genocide for example #bc that is so fundamentally against who i am and what i believe in #but it is so fkn rare i cant even come up w an example of me coming across someone similar to mtyself #idk.. just dont wanna be alone

[akkivee]

can’t believe they just highlighted ichiro and kuukou’s hand size difference and matching rings set up in one swoop like that lmao

#this is vee speaking #like can you believe that lmao????? they break up and somehow still match each other despite the years being apart lol #they’re soulmates fr lol you can tell because their right hand pinkies are bare to keep their connected red thread of fate unobstructed lol #oooooooh that reminds me of some ichikuu art i wanted to make after track 5 came out hmmmmmmm #ngl i hope we’re getting more nb interactions between them lmao #i love kuukou and ichiro’s very brief back and forth that cleared the air between them #but i also feel like they were referencing a conversation we haven’t seen like an inside joke between them lol #and i would like that context lol but if it doesn’t happen then it doesn’t happen lol #BUT I WOULD LIKE FOR IT TO HAPPEN— #also????? i think it was really cute when kuukou approached ichiro the first time saburo actually turned to look at ichiro concerned??????? #like he knew kuukou was one of ichiro’s hurts??????? and was happy when they were cool again saburo wtf?????????

[cometrose]

zhongli thoughts im bored

i am obsessed with the imagery of him holding a golden fan just below his eyes and gazing over the city

highly proficient in all makeup, cosmetics and accessories, you need to dress up nicely for a fancy occasion he can have you looking like a goddess just give him some time

he sits in the sun a lot, when he had the exuvia he would sit on the tallest mountains and sleep in the sun

Unlike the other archons zhongli is closely attached to the sun, he is like the sun in many ways, he guides people, brightens their lives, plants and life thrive under his care

However the sun is still deadly, those who get too close to him burn up in his presence and those who keep their distance are trapped in the shadow he casts and lose themselves, like the sun in the sky he is meant to shine brightly all by himself

i am obsessed with the imagery of zhongli sitting in a bathtub and all of his draconic features just come out one by one, first his arms turn gold and then come his claws. Next comes the horns on the top of his head as his hair grows longer and longer. Last is the tail which flops over the edge of the tub

He can't sing but he has some talent with instruments, a habit he picked up from being around quizhong, ping and venti for so long, he can work with string instruments best

He will pat your head, he can't help it, if hu tao has her hat off and she makes him smile that hand will be on her head

crazy thought of the liyue gang playing hide and seek, like xiangling, xingqiu, yunjin, xinyan, hutao and chongyun playing this huge game and they run all over the city it becomes a huge affair at one point xiangling is "it" and she can't find anyone but she comes across zhongli sitting in his favorite spot at third round knockout and she's like "sorry to disturb you but have you seen hu tao" and he smiles and is like "well i don't know about the director but i saw a blue haired exorcist up at the terrace he might be around the glaze lilies" and xiangling thanks him and goes to chase chongyun down, zhongli whispers behind him "she's gone" and then 4 of them, xingqiu, yunjin, xinyan and hutao just poke out from behind him (they want to keep hiding behind him but with a smile he shoos them away to play the game properly)

zhongli is painfully popular you can take the man out of the archon but you can't take the archon out of the man

zhongli likes to keep the moon by his side specifically the people who are like the moon; guizhong, venti, xiao, azhdaha, rukkha, ganyu the list goes on and on -perhaps they are naturally drawn together its unclear who gravitates to who but even liyue itself is a beautiful moon he can cling to

zhongli can petrify things with his hands, just lightly brushing his fingertips over anything will encase it in stone and with a short breath it will crumble to dust

mr. workaholic the reason why we never see him at work and always on vacation is because he goes crazy and completes all the paperwork and it scares hutao so she kicks him out (but then he spends all his money so he has to come back the cycle never ends)

as a consultant zhongli takes on many jobs if they hire him from wangsheng he’s quite expensive though ganyu tries her best to direct the qixing away from him but some things are unavoidable and they require his assistance

#zhongli #genshin impact #zhongli headcanons #the liyue hide and seek has been in my mind for like two weeks lol #since he was alive at the time i like to believe he knew one of the moon sisters #maybe that is where this moon affection originated! #give me 3 minutes there is too much sun and moon symbology going on listen listen listen why is zhongli the only one associated with the su #why is everyone close to him associated with the moon even liyue is named after the moon listen listen i think its neat i think its great #hes like batman the moons are his robins and he keeps losing them like they just die and shit #we have lost quite a few moons mister zhongli like i'll knock on wood but i have this terrible feeling you will outlive the other moons too #there are so many moon characters just people whose symbols and themes are all connected to the moon #i have seen the theories to some extent but i can't discuss it #i can only be so delusional #sometimes i wonder if im talking to myself #i mean like that’s okay the void can be welcoming i suppose

[8rujaa]

in one of my last mushroom trips, i basically had this realization that i *didn’t* need to date men or have sex with them or literally do anything with a man. that i could simply choose to surround myself with women and love only women and i basically saw my future with only women, and i was so overjoyed that i could do that.

#i thought i loved men before #but i’m starting to realize the first guy. i was not really in love with him honestly we were good friends… and same with the other one #i think i did love them. and i had sex with them in a way to please them out of love ? #and the other guys that were casual fuck buddies… i felt no connection emotionally either #also the boyfriends i did have were a lot older than me and i do believe daddy issues played a lot into that #and my therapist has brought up the fact that i might be a lesbian #i’ve been giving it a lot of thought and i don’t think i ever want to be involved with a man ever again #i don’t feel the need to… and also the last guy i dated… he was ‘perfect’ and checked all the boxes for me #he was super sweet and gentle. also very gentlemanly… treated me like a princess #for some reason i couldn’t bring myself to like him and i ended it but like the whole time i kept thinking to myself #‘what is wrong with me… he’s everything i want in a man.’ #he was my age and we had great conversations like i did enjoy spending time with him #but honestly my attraction to men… i think it ain’t there 🤣 #i had a crush on my coworker or i thought i did but anytime he tried to fuck me or flirt with me i found it annoying #and i thought i wanted him. but i could’ve had him and didn’t ??? i think he was also just a good friend and i tend to confuse romantic #attraction with platonic #and also anytime i’ve broken up with the guys in my past i didn’t feel anything but also they were both abusive pieces of shit #i got over them by realizing the men i loved didn’t exist #but the girl ???? the first girl breakup i had???? dawg i nearly died 🤣🤣🤣 #and it’s crazy cuz we weren’t even intimate or even FRIENDS like we were in a throuple but i didn’t really enjoy Spending Time with her #bc it always felt like she took things the wrong way and was always very negative but i did care about her and appreciated her… #when i broke up with her i didn’t think it was going to hurt bc of how terrible our relationship was #but in my mushroom trip after the breakup i saw literally our whole relationship flash through my eyes. from the beginning until the end #and i felt myself falling in love with who she was all over again it was soooo heartbreaking because mushrooms showed me The First time i #I saw her… and like how I had been suppressing emotions for her since the beginning bc she was in a relationship. #i was in the car with my friends and i kept literally just scream sobbing because of how much i yearned for her and the relationship we #could’ve had. i was so sure i could’ve loved her better but she knew a version of me that was sick all the time so like I wasnt really ther #i was dealing with abuse and really was not there the whole relationship. plus finding out we had been lied to and how easily she believed #the lies he told her about me and how easily it was for her to defend the sick disgusting actions he had done to me i couldn’t bring myself #to forgive her. i wanted to but she kept calling me crazy n a liar... betrayal n enabling aside i think it hurt that bad bc she was a woman

[bywandandsword]

You ever, like, look at your hand or other body part, the veins under your skin or the movement of your fingers and just, be awestruck about the chain of events that led to your being created, evolving into such an intensely complex body. All the muscles being used to move my hand, all the neurons firing off, a lot of it without my conscious thought, the fine motor control that these limbs can have. And then all the social meanings behind it. The hands of my grandma making dinner, the hands my mom braiding my hair, the arms of my dad holding me when I left home for the first time, and how these patterns were replicated in some form, long before we were even human. Our bodies and their histories and their meanings are such intricate, beautiful things

#sword speaks #it's something I find deeply sacred #like even if you don't believe in anything else spiritually THAT at least is something holy if anything is #ourselves and our connection to others all the way back to the first life on this planet #and the great love and sorrow and passion we all feel as humans #Idk it just makes me to thankful to be alive to witness it despite everything #(in case you couldn't tell yes this is a big part of why I went into the social sciences)