Tumgik
#feel free to add more examples guys ESPECIALLY with the plot
Text
UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; SIDE C
Tumblr media Tumblr media
*NOTE; Gideon Nav propaganda below Narrator's, as poll maker decided to cut some under Read More for post length
The Narrator Propaganda:
Just... Just listen to the "unfunny" clip, what's more to say, vote for the gay old guy
Depending on the ending, he can be
Spoilers I guess??? He's always trying to guide Stanley to the outcome HE wants, which is a very, very small chunk of the game where the player just obeys everything and doesn't experience anything else. Obeying Narrator to a T will win you the "Freedom" ending, where Stanley can finally leave the office building, and Narrator will wax on about how Stanley's "happy" and "finally free to live at last". ...exceeeept, on completion, Stanley will spawn right back in the building as though nothing happened, restarting the adventure all over again. The truth is that Stanley will never be free, regardless of what the Narrator says. Stanley is trapped in the building and will stay trapped no matter what. This truth can only be acknowledged if you're defiant, and even then, I may be mistaken but I'm pretty sure the Narrator never fully admits this??? The museum ending has a WHOLE DIFFERENT narrator explain their mutually fucked circumstances. The dishonest factors can increase in other ways from the player's input (for example, the Narrator might say "Stanley walked through the left door", but the player can use their input to defy this statement and go through the right one instead, therefore making the Narrator's statement inherently dishonest and the Narrator will get pissy about it, changing the outcome for that path). Sometimes he'll misdirect when he's petulant, especially if the player is directly defying his instructions, which makes the game feel like a game of tug-rope for control at points. I want to say there are times where he directly attempts to trick the player but admittedly I can't think of an exact instance. Plus you know, the Narrator has a large ego and always talks big about things like his importance and integrity and whatnot so who knows how much of that is even sincere and how much is a sad veneer, but that's getting into overanalysis territory and my fingers hurt so let's leave this here. I hope this was coherent.
he quite literally rewrites the story whenever he has issues with the direction stanley starts to go in, i do not know how to explain it better than that
He is literally the narrator, and he constantly tries to mislead and lie to Stanley through the narration to get him back on the story’s proper path
He constantly narrates what Stanley is feeling as if it is the truth, when it is not. He speaks as a authority, and while he is one, he is definitely not reliable.
Gideon Nav Propaganda:
(Spoilers for Ht9) She just. Fully ignores most of the magic plot happening around her in the first boom to be a dyke. In the second book it’s even less reliable and it’s fully fucking insane. It’s first person but she’s telling YOU (harrow) what is happening and it’s impossible to decipher. The appearance and personality of every character is fully morphed by Gideon’s mean dykishness.
MASSIVE spoilers. Like even mentioning that this is a thing is a huge fucking spoiler. I normally don’t care about spoilers that much but I legitimately feel awful for anyone with even a passing interest in reading these books who has this spoiled for them. Anyway. Yeah turns out the second-person narration is actually a first-person narration by the dead girl living in Harrow’s head whose death traumatized Harrow (and the entire fandom) so badly that she literally lobotomized herself to forget it and give Gideon a chance at not having her soul digested.
constantly adds her own commentary, does not pay attention to the interesting moving parts of the plot bc she's too busy looking at pretty girls, cannot be trusted to read her own intentions correctly never mind anyone else's. I love her dearly
she just doesn’t notice or doesn’t give a shit about a ton of plot-essential information. Harrow and Palamedes are talking about a necromantic theorem that would blow open the entire story if we could hear them? You can instantly feel Gideon’s eyes glaze over and her mind wander to the nearest available hot girl, and our attention goes with her. It’s handled so smoothly that you might not even notice it happening until a second or third read.
More Propaganda under cut!
Gideon Nav is all but useless as a narrator, and we love her for it. So first of all, she knows absolutely nothing. She grew up under a rock. Almost literally. When the plot is happening near her, she almost never tells us about it. Politics, history, and the magic system are boring. Let her know when there's something she can FIGHT. She also has very selective emphasis and focus that can change a scene completely without ever actually lying. She can tell the same story—to us, in her third-person narration as a factual recounting—and in one version the incident will be a schoolyard scuffle, while a later telling will reveal it to have been a near-homicide. She'll confidently interpret other character's motivations and emotions, only to later be proven wrong. But the thing that makes her REALLY unreliable? She lies to HERSELF constantly. She will tell us in her narration that she doesn't give a shit where someone disappeared to, and then spend the whole day searching for them. She'll say she hates someone, when. Well....
okay so i am actually going to do one segment about her own book and one about harrow’s so many apologies and also many spoilers ahead okay? okay so in gideon the ninth it’s a well known thing that she’s an unreliable narrator on two fronts: she lies to herself and therefore us about how she’s feeling and what she’s thinking, and also she isn’t paying attention to the plot at all. the only things she pays any attention to are hot girls, swords, and hot girls with swords. at one point she watches their only way out be sealed off and is so bored about it that she goes to sleep watching it happen, taking absolutely no note of “oh hey they’re trapping us here”. later someone asks IN FRONT OF HER “hey where did all our shuttles go” and shes like “😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌😌” and still does not make the connection. babygirl. but THEN!!!!! in HARROW the ninth (MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD) gideon is the narrator the ENTIRE TIME (except for the revised canaan house parts) and not only does she editorialize, she also straight up lies about events and motivations! partially justified by her being inside harrow’s head, but like. babygirl. beloved. the interjections of “holy fuck” and “pommel” and othersuch things is so important to my mental health and wellbeing. thank you. thank you for lying to us so so much.
67 notes · View notes
fratricideknight · 1 year
Text
i'm sorry to rant about the angels in spn again (see original thread here - i'm tired of me, too, for the record) but i feel i made some concessions in that thread which i shouldn’t have, because people made some really good points and i kind of got side-tracked from my original point. once again, feel free to give me your thoughts, whether you agree or disagree. i finally learned how to add cuts, so click to read more :D
one of the reasons i love season 1 so much is because, in my opinion, it is the closest approximation to what spn was supposed to be. scrambled urban legends which our heroes have to untangle (e.g. Bloody Mary and the many myths around her) and uncertain folklore. take the episodes 'Phantom Traveler' and 'Skin', for example. in the former, demons are said to come in many different forms and this particular one to function like the initiator of a natural disaster which has adapted to the times. you're "wide open to demonic possession" if you're emotionally distressed, rather than just anyone being possessed. so cool!! the latter is a spin on the well-known idea of shapeshifters. the audience knows generally what to expect, but spn establishes its own unique, awesome lore. shapeshifters literally SHED THEIR SKIN, they don't just look like their target they become them, they need to keep their target alive for a psychic connection so they can download their thoughts and memories. so damn cool fr. even 'Bugs', a "bad" episode (spoiler alert: it's really not), had the super cool concept of curses tied to the land which the boys can't break, almost like the natural disasters of the supernatural world, which the two random guys we call our protagonists are not equipped to deal with. even by season 2, some of this has been lost. rather than establishing unique lore, the monster of the week episodes become more about using the same old lore in different and fun ways. e.g. sam and dean hunt a ghost while in prison, they investigate ghosts which are being controlled on a movie set. even when they introduce new monsters (djinn, zombies, the trickster, people infected with the croatoan virus, werewolves), they're used more for story purposes and we don't really learn all that much about them. the exception i guess would be the crossroads deals, which warranted explaining since john sold his soul for dean and dean would later do the same for sam. using lore in creative ways is very much a good thing, but these episodes rarely build much on the lore itself, just put the characters in unique situations; again, that's a good thing, but you can do both! more of season 2 goes towards plot episodes - and i'm not complaining, the plot is awesome! but i wish they kept the season 1 lore stuff up. it makes me think of that post which says "what is lore in supernatural if not just any book sam reads" and yeah. just yeah. bring back tulpas and friends!
now for how this ties into the angels: as per the original thread, they could have been super creepy! they were certainly not used to their full potential in the horror department. however, i will reiterate my opinion: they do not work with the original idea of spn. adding them turned it into a different show. even if they're made to be creepy and straight-up evil, there is baggage which will inevitably be dragged into the show with their inclusion. who in the world doesn't know at least a little about and have preconceived notions of angels? not many people, and most of those people would not be watching spn. the same could be said of ghosts and demons, but there is a religious baggage inherent to angels which cannot be avoided. even demons can be somewhat separated from their religious roots, especially if they turn out to not be demons at all (theory here). and, like i said, the show and its characters were not supposed to deal with religion beyond the spectre of it, sam having faith and dean not. their (lack of) faith informed their decisions, but neither of them were wrong or right in their beliefs, just at odds. the world should have felt claustrophobic while also being too intricate to fully understand and retaining a sense of mystery, and season 1 achieved this the best with some of the most complex and interesting lore in the show and the small stakes and small scale. get the cosmic beings out of my face, eric; no you cannot have angels if they just turn out to be dicks! i know better than you and i am gnawing on your bones.
19 notes · View notes
fuh-saw-t · 1 year
Text
I haven't posted in a hot while, gosh—
Ask box is open for requests but, now that I've remembered this blog exists, let's discuss:
Easy Ways To Uplevel Your Writing
Writing is hard, sometimes, and it's easy to start a paragraph and feel like it sounds off. However, there are tiny, simple tricks you can employ to make your writing sound a little bit better.
1 - Sentence Structure
I could do a whole separate post on sentence structure, because it really does matter a lot when kept in mind. Diversifying sentence structure can allow your writing to flow easier, seem less repetitive, and to give off a more educated impression.
For example:
'She told me outright that I wasn't making any sense, despite my attempts to explain. What we were being sold was a lie, and I knew it. It was just hard to articulate, especially when I was confronted by such an orthodox believer. The conversation was worthless, as I was unable to get through to her.'
It sounds dry and repetitive. You could, alternatively, change it to something like:
'She cornered me on the sidewalk, a twitch in her eye, telling me outright that I wasn't making any sense. I tried my best to explain my beliefs, but her concrete mindset made it difficult for me to get through to her. What we were being sold was a lie. Our confrontation, inevitably, was worthless.'
None of my examples are bestseller-worthy but we don't do effort on this blog, alright? You can probably see the difference.
-
2 - Descriptions
This section is gonna be a two-bit ordeal. First, let's talk about placement.
Sometimes, it's simple to just say things are happening. It gets your point across, and sets the scene for anything happening after, therefore making it efficient. However, replacing kinds of 'blank' statement paragraphs with description can often do a much better job. It sets the scene with a lot more drama, builds a much more immerse setting, and can be used to develop plot-points and elements about your introduction a lot more than a 'blank' paragraph would.
Example 1:
'He closed the door to the garage. The door was shut, his keys jingling in his pocket. Steve sighed, a puff of condensed breath blowing from his mouth and disappearing into the night. It was another boring day where he would walk home through the cold streets of London and return again to work as soon as the sun cracked the barrier of dawn. But he was wrong to assume that the next night would be as peaceful as the one he would retire to. There was a monster in the garage, and it was waiting to break free.'
Turning to:
'He closed the door to the garage. The door was shut, his keys jingling in his pocket. Steve sighed, a puff of condensed breath blowing from his mouth and disappearing into the night. It was another boring day where he would walk home through the cold streets of London and repeat the day at the crack of dawn. But there was a sense of dread within him that itched at his brain. Regardless of his repairs, he'd return to the dusty garage with his woodwork and soldering scratched and scuffed. The way the shadows appeared to contort when he squinted—they formed hands, late at night, which strenuously attempted to reach for him. Steve had attributed it all to sleep deprivation and forgetfulness. The scattering he would hear when the moon would reach its peak said otherwise, the ever-distant skittering reminding him of crawing spiders. But his denial kept him coming back day after day.'
These are some long examples, jeez. But you guys get the point. The latter is a bit more engaging, thought-provoking, and less matter-of-fact.
The next thing is to do with how vivid your descriptions are. I recommend to add movement into your descriptions—have things change or move as you describe them. Involve your character, especially if you're talking from a first person POV. Utilise metaphors, similies, personification and phonetics to create a clearer and engaging image of what you are describing.
Example 2:
'Washing between the rock and the shore, the water came in waves. Dancing in an elegant sway, greeting the sand and retreating to the sea, as the tides pulled at the water. Matilda played with the shells at her feet. She searched for which stones shone the brightest under the sun, finding one that rippled in colour like the reflections in the ocean.'
Again, not the best description that could ever be written, but it displays most of the points I mentioned. Though I will not be elaborating on all descriptive techniques used, this is an ask blog. I'll make a separate post on any topic relating to writing or the English language if prompted (or if I get bored).
-
3 - Play With Motifs and Themes
Having a set theme for what you're writing isn't essential, but setting out specific motifs, themes, and meanings within your writing can give it a very professional and intriguing edge.
Themes such as guilt can be shown through characters. Perhaps your main character is guilty about something, and that guilt fuels or prevents them from reaching their goals. That guilt ripples, infects others, and fuels the conflict in your story. Guilt becomes ever-present within the plot or subplots. This is just an example. Themes can be anything from death, mistrust, resurrection, or the main message you are trying to convey. A theme is a central topic, message, or idea that your work discusses within itself.
By identifying themes in your story, you can incorporate them into your writing subtly. It can create cohesiveness, and can show the clear understanding that the writer has of the purpose of their writing.
Motifs accompany or explain themes. They are reoccurring symbols, ideas, items, and imagery that relate to the core themes of your writing. Poems about love may include frequent imagery of flowers and natural settings. Stories that explore the inevitable—whether that be death, time travel, sickness, or something related to mental health—may have a time motif, where the descriptions of events and settings mention time, the current date, clocks, or the time of day.
Motifs are repeated, reoccurring ideas that tie in with your themes, characters, and plot. Taking into account themes and potential motifs throughout your work can uplevel your writing by infusing the key ideas of your writing in your characters and descriptions.
And it kind of makes you sound smarter, which in my opinion is a good chunk of the goal.
-
In my view, the best way to get better at writing is to practice and to understand. Research techniques and grammar, and experiment with then. Get other people's opinions (preferably friends) and make sure to rant your heart out about your ideas to further solidify them and to boost your ego. Ego is good, but don't overdo it. I have some horrendous stories on those who overdo it.
And, most importantly, your readers can tell if you're having fun. So have fun, or else.
50 notes · View notes
danceofdragonsrphq · 11 months
Note
What has made this group stay open for so long? (I'd love to hear from muns too) I checked the archive and saw you guys have been running since November 2020, with what looks like no breaks?
truthfully, i think there is a huge variety of reasons. i'l list some of the main ones i personally think, and then our muns could possibly comment their own thoughts too? sorry for the ramble, i wanted to ensure to get my thoughts down carefully!
Tumblr media
the general atmosphere of the roleplay. people aren't cliquey, and the admins are more for organisational purpose rather than a 'point of authority.' we've come across far too many roleplays where people forget that. the muns in the group are genuinely very kind and approachable. there are nights where a bunch of muns partiicpate in 'quickfire truth serums' in the discord, quizzing characters ic responses, and even ooc we have jackbox game night where lots of people play by just using their phones.
plot stuff: heads of state genuinely try to make plots for their regions that involve lots of muns, and not only their own. i know as head of state for the reach, i'll often think of something and then delegate it to various other characters. it is rare to have to reject plot ideas. i know all the other heads of state think in that way too.
the activity rules. we only require an ic post at least once a month, but because we have no strict activity rules, it appears the effect is people are very active.
the dash does move daily, especially with a new style of roleplaying a bunch of us are using (essentially doing quickfire conversations between characters in discord dms then copying and pasting to tumblr. here is an example of a spicy one me and jd done, entirely over discord dms.
lore and conseuquences! my god the world actually feels really interactive, people have different beliefs and it actually matters. like right now, the northerners (aside from the manderlys) are not feeling entirely comfortable being in the reach considering the new high septon is definitely a zealot. furthermore, the westerlanders (who have recently broke away from the high septon as the source of authority for faith) are bracing themselves for issues.
in addition to lore, culture! being poc actually means something here, beyond visually. there are cultural and religious practices, loosely inspired by muns own religious beliefs, that make groups of people different. for example, dorne believes in seven reincarnated lives, whilst no other realm does. it is fascinating.
guys, feel free to add whatever you think too!
7 notes · View notes
silviawrites · 2 years
Text
Writing characters properly
Characters are obviously a very important part of our writing. They're what the story centers around (other than the plot) and play a very big role in a lot of the books and other writing we read.
A lot of the characters, however, are not written properly. And I especially mean the characters that are way too perfect. The kind, gentle, energetic and optimistic character who can do no wrong. They. Are. Annoying. Or maybe the MC is depicted to be the good guy, but he's completely selfish and condescending.
So how exactly do we make a character, unlike the ones we hate? Easy. Write characters properly. That's easier said than done though.
Let's see how we write them!
Give them good and bad characteristics
Personally, I like to give three good characteristics and three bad characteristics to my characters. For example, let's say we take a character, "Mara". Mara's good characteristics could be she's assertive, hard-working and brave. But her flaws could be she's impatient, sensitive and can't handle it properly when she doesn't get what she wants.
This here is a flawed character. She isn't 100% good, but she isn't 100% bad. She's somewhere in between, describing real-life people in real life. Of course, you don't have to do this exactly, writing is different for every person. Just do what's comfortable for you!
2. Character development
While it isn't that bad if a character remains stagnant/flat throughout the writing, it is very satisfying to see a character begin to develop and mature throughout whatever you're writing. Maybe a character is completely selfish and condescending in the beginning but as the story progresses, they begin to become a better person. Of course, don't remove all the flaws at the end of the story, but it would definitely be enjoyable to read about a character who slowly begins to change and mature.
3. Make them struggle
Struggles, struggles, struggles, struggles. We all go through them in our life and is completely normal to be challenged as our life goes on.
So imagine how annoying it is to see this perfect character just get everything they want in life. They want to get an A for an exam they didn't study for? They got it! They want to defeat an evil, powerful queen in about one day without struggles? They got it! They want to be the richest person in the world overnight without doing anything? They got it! You get the point.
Using struggles to make your character's journey harder is one great way to make the reader sympathize for your character and it makes the reader root for the character as well. This character has worked so damn hard for this, so do you know how depressing it would be if they didn't get it? That is what readers want. Characters who struggle to get what they want because it shows how much the reader wants it, it can make the reader sympathize with the character and can make the character relatable.
Sorry, I hope this wasn't too long! Feel free to add some more ways to properly write characters, whatever I've written definitely isn't all of them!
41 notes · View notes
moviemunchies · 11 months
Text
Tumblr media
Look, at this point, we all know that you’re here to watch Keanu Reeves shoot people and you’re going to get plenty of that here.
Also, I’m going to do my best to avoid major spoilers.
After the events of John Wick - Chapter 3: Parabellum, at the end of which he declares all out war on the High Table. He starts this movie following up on that promise, but the High Table is so huge this fight isn’t working out as well as he’d hoped. Eventually he gets a bit of hope though: if John can challenge the High Table representative tasked with eliminating him, the Marquis Vincent de Gramont, to a duel to the death, he can be free of the High Table. But becoming eligible to make the challenge isn’t so easy, and even then, he has to make it to the dueling ground on time for it to count–something the Marquis is invested in him not doing.
If I had one problem with this movie, it’s that it’s really long. It’s almost three hours. And yet the part of the Plot that was advertised in trailers, the duel? That doesn’t come up until quite a ways into the movie. The Osaka sequence doesn’t have anything that couldn’t have been established in another part of the Plot. Likewise, the entire Berlin sequence isn’t actually necessary, it just adds some more fighting into the story.
Mind you, that’s not bad. You come to these movies to watch John Wick fight the heck out of a bunch of bad guys, and you’re going to get that. As usual, all of the fight scenes feature top-notch choreography and are absolutely spectacular to watch. So no, I don’t really mind, but I think that the movie isn’t as efficient with its time as it could be–again, especially since, as I mentioned, the actual point of the movie takes a while to actually come up.
I also think another problem with this movie is that the cliffhanger for the last movie didn’t amount to much. You would think that John would storm towards Winston with reckoning on his mind, but aside from a couple of bits of dialogue, they tend to skate past the fact that Winston shot John off the roof of the Continental. Yes, John survived, and Winston probably expected that, but you would think this would be a bigger deal to all the involved parties?
I suppose they have bigger things to worry about with the Marquis.
Of the new characters, Caine is a highlight. Supposedly the original character was a more stereotypical Zen master with a name like Chang, but Donnie Yen protested that he didn’t want to do a stereotype, and worked with the moviemakers to create Caine. And the result is loads of fun. He’s a blind kung fu master, and unlike most examples of the trope he’s actually depicted as being handicapped. He frequently feels out rooms with his cane as he walks, and one scene has him put up sensors to detect enemies in the room.
He’s also a genuinely fun character. He’s an antagonist, but he doesn’t particularly want to be. He’d rather just mind his own business and let John live his life. But he HAS to do this fight, so he gets to do some awesome fight scenes.
Also, with this and Rogue One I wonder if Donnie Yen just really likes playing blind martial artists. Which I’m cool with, for the record.
It’s a fantastic addition to the John Wick series, even if it did feel longer than it actually needed to be. But is a little bloat bad when it’s filled with the high-octane fight scenes we’ve come to expect from this series? I don’t necessarily think so. Longtime fans should definitely watch this movie, but I think it’s not a good introduction if you’re new to the series.
6 notes · View notes
Text
Ok ok so i was really bored at work so i have many thoughts on the 3 adult cartoons I've watched so this is gonna be a long post but i figured Tumblr would be the place that would be most likely to be appreciated (and feel free to add on to it or agree or disagree if any one has thoughts on it as well, I'd live to hear it)
First up we have the Simpsons!! First adult cartoon i watched, heard it referenced my whole life by my family so it's just a classic to me. I've seen it so many times and it is by far the funniest of the 3 I've watched. There are good one liners, the bits tend to not go on too long, and there are SO many funny things i could talk about them for so long. A few examples would be when there's a character change (like armin tamzarian/seymour skinner and fit tony becoming fat tony) and then it almost never gets mentioned again. The characters do have flaws but you can see throughout the seasons that they at least overall care about each other and try to do good and all that, which makes the show more enjoyable. There are many recurring characters and the show occasionally delves into their lives leaving us with funny bits like steamed hams, and from the newest season where it's "revealed" that martin prince is actually a cop undercover. I think the show dropped in quality sometime around season 20, that's not to say there aren't good episodes, but it just wasn't as good, however in the recent seasons (especially 33) it's started to get good again in my opinion. It's just funnier and better storylines again. Another thing that i think the Simpsons does well is their celebrity cameos, those end up being pretty funny and my favourite is Leonard Nimoy's because the comedic timing of his lines and also I'm biased because i like star trek. In general i think the Simpsons is a really really good show because of the humor and character dynamics.
Second up we have Bob's Burgers, which i watched as background noise at first but then i found i actually really enjoyed it. This is a show with a great family dynamic imo, it's very clear that the characters love and care about each other very much, there isn't much strife in Bob and Linda's marriage as a plot point and that's good because i really enjoy watching characters that i can root for. This show isn't as funny as the Simpsons but! they have very interesting storylines so it still works as a plot based show rather than a mostly humor based show. The musical numbers are always interesting, because it seems to be more original stuff whereas the Simpsons usually is parodying an irl musical or something. When singing is a plot point like they're putting on a musical in the show the characters don't usually sing very well, but if they randomly sing about their feelings then it's pretty much in tune which i think is good because it would be a struggle to watch them do whole songs grossly out of tune. The characters are well developed throughout the seasons and even though they're flawed they're still very compelling because usually they have good motivation. All in all i love this show dearly and though it's not quite as good as the Simpsons imo, it's not far behind.
Lastly we have Family Guy which unfortunately i absolutely hate. These characters are all awful people and they're horrible to each other and it's hard to watch. It's not very funny most of the time, and many of the plots are direct parodies of the Simpsons, which had the potential to be funny but it didn't work bc it wasn't done as well as the Simpsons. They're so mean to Meg for no reason and that's hard to watch because she gets so much hate just for existing. Peter is a characterization of Homer but without any of the redeeming qualities. I had hopes for Lois at first but she ends up being just as bad as the rest of them. There's so much cheating, lying, stealing, and not a whole lot of remorse. This show became background noise for me because if i focused on it then i got angry. One of the episodes that really sealed the deal that i don't like the show is the one where a news reporter falsely befriended Lois to get dirt on her and revealed Lois's sex tape from college. Later in the episode it was shown that Lois and the other cheerleaders in high school had tricked and humiliated this girl, and yet we're still supposed to root for Lois? I think that having been bullied in childhood partially causes my hatred of this show but omg these people are just awful. And it doesn't really make up for it with the humour bc that kind just doesn't vibe with me which sucks because i really want it to so i can participate in the family guy conversations that happen around me sometimes. I also wish i had liked it bc going into it i had high hopes because I like the Orville a lot and it's produced by the same guy. I will say that the star wars parodies were fun to watch because they had the original music by John Williams in there, and in general the music in family guy is very good, i liked the episode where Peter and Quagmire traveled as a singing duo, the one with the whole "train in the water, boat on a track" thing. They also have the most normal voices of all the Fox shows I've watched, so i didn't have to get used to them like the other shows. And they get points for being in New England and having some experiences specific to that area that you don't necessarily see on other shows.
But yeah anyways, i love the Simpsons and Bob's Burgers, and i would've liked to love Family Guy but it just didn't work out that way :/
4 notes · View notes
princekirijo · 2 years
Note
Hello Prince, I would like to know more about your process of designing Riku's persona!
I've only seen one version of it on your blog, was that the only one you posted? Which version was it? What are your thoughts going into redesigning it?
Tell me tell me please, I would like to know!!
OK you have no idea how happy this ask made me thank you so much! It’s been rotating in my brain ever since you sent it and now I have enough brain power to answer it so here we go! Before I start word vomiting, a few disclaimers. One this is long af as usual. Two I’m going to put a trigger warning here for blood and disturbing imagery. It’s nothing too graphic but I feel like I should say it just in case. And lastly this is my own thoughts/opinions/process so um please don’t take anything I say too seriously! I felt I had to say that I don’t know why. Either way here we go for real this time.
So to start off I feel like I should explain that I have three approaches to designing a persona. I’ve designed 4 personas for Riku (with 2 or 3 other vague concepts in my head) and I’ve spent a bit of time looking into how I feel the canon personas are designed, and this is essentially what I’ve come up with to help me design my own. The first to get it out of the way, is a balanced combination of the following two. Most personas fall into this category from what I’ve seen. The second, is that I look mostly at the mythology/story of the character/figure the persona is designed on and then add personal touches to it that represent the character (like uh 80% facts and 20% character so to speak). This is the approach I took with Lugh, Riku’s ultimate persona, which he gains upon the protagonist completing his confidant. I don’t want to talk too much about his design as I want to reveal it in the comic (that I WILL eventually make) but essentially I looked at the mythology of Lugh (he’s a Celtic god of a lot of things I would really recommend reading into him he’s very interesting) and then used that as my main inspiration for the design. Once I’d gotten a fairly solid idea, then I started adding in personal touches that would link him to Riku. In terms of canon persona designs that I feel fall into this approach I feel like Caesar and Captain Kidd are good examples. Caesar especially, when you look at him you can tell that it is supposed to be the Roman emperor Caesar. 
The third approach then is essentially the opposite. I take one or two things from the figure/character’s story or designs if they exist and then add that to something I’ve made based entirely on the persona’s user. The persona that you guys have seen already - Mordred - falls into this category. Mordred is Riku’s black mask persona, essentially his Loki. He only appears in the spin off AU, Black Captain, where Riku is the black mask. I’ve answered an ask before with the bare bones plot of this AU so feel free to check that out for context. And he’s not the persona I’m currently redesigning but he has gotten an updated look since that last drawing I did (he’s more serpentine now - think Rayquaza but with wings)! Mordred for those that don’t know, is a figure in Arthurian legend - he’s the bastard son or nephew of King Arthur (depends on the version you read) and he overthrows Arthur before eventually being slain by him. That’s a very short version of the story and I am missing major details but as I said this design was more Riku oriented than Mordred oriented. Mordred is my favorite so far of Rikus personas and it is mostly because of the concept I based him off. Which is the anger that someone feels at the world is the part of you that loves you the most. It’s the part that is angry at all the injustices you have faced and wants so much better for you. That idea resonates with me so much and I really wanted to try and capture it in a design. Mordred is a horrifying creature, he’s a huge snake like dragon with a human-like torso, he’s covered in blood and is constantly bleeding, he has large pieces of his flesh missing where his skeleton juts out, a third eye on his head which is the only functioning eye, he is not supposed to look pretty. One of Mordred’s mechanics if he was in the game would be to have a trait where when Riku is in the party, on the first turn Mordred is summoned, there is a 50% chance the enemy would be inflicted with fear. He is supposed to be anger and fear personified. The fear part is important because as I said, while Mordred is absolutely grotesque and represents Riku’s terrifying rage against the world, he’s very much also the part of Riku that loves him. I haven’t shown Mordred speaking but he can, and he often talks to Riku in a very soft manner and comforts him after they’ve gone through a particularly tough Palace together. As Riku has essentially resolved himself to slaughtering a bunch of rich people in his revenge quest, the idea that someone could still love him when he’s gone to such lengths to reject his own humanity and morality ESPECIALLY himself? That scares the crap out of him. I’m kind of rambling a bit now but I just hope I was able to get across Mordred’s core concept as it’s something I’m super proud of. The other little thing I’ll mention here before I go into my thoughts on the persona I am currently redesigning, is that the tongue you see in the OG Mordred drawing is very relevant to an ability he has, essentially his own call of chaos. I won’t go into it because it's disturbing af and also spoilers. Yeah Mordred kind of awoke a love of designing fucked up looking creatures in me that I never knew I had. Oh and in terms of canon personas that fall into this design approach Johanna is a great example. Looking at her, at least to me, it’s pretty difficult to figure out who she’s supposed to be but you can instantly link her to Makoto!
Now onto the persona I’m redesigning as of right now - Pimpernel. Pimpernel is Riku’s initial persona and for me, is the most important one to get right. As seen in Strikers and PQ2 (and the p4 cast in arena) most spin off games and promotional work use the initial personas for the Thieves so it's important that Pimpernel has an easily recognizable and distinguishable design. So far my approach for him has been the first method I mentioned, a balance of both the story of the original character and Riku himself. Pimpernel is the titular character of the Scarlet Pimpernel, a novel by Baroness Orczy. It is set during the French revolution and the main character is Sir Percy Blakeney (who Riku’s third semester persona will be based off of) who leads a double life as the elusive Scarlet Pimpernel. Fun fact but he’s actually said to be the inspiration for characters like Zorro! I actually have a whole thing on why Pimpernel is a great choice for Riku but that is an entirely different can of worms I will not get into now. Pimpernel is definitely the hardest design of all of Riku’s personas so far, because a) I’m a perfectionist and b) there’s not really a lot of solid designs for him. There are several movies which I’ve been using as reference and I’ve looked into the fashion during the French Revolution. The Riku part has also been difficult. Now that I have a final design for his thief outfit it’s a little easier as I can use that as reference, but I’m still a little lost. As Riku is a very skilled fencer, I’m trying to incorporate some fencing gear into his design. I’m also looking at Riku’s current mentality at the time of awakening to Pimpernel and trying to add that in too. I actually have a very clear idea of how to do that and link it into Lugh and Percy’s designs as well but it will be easier to show than tell once Pimpernel has a design I’m happy with. And as a bonus I’m also referencing Penthesilea and actually Mitsuru herself (there’s one small detail I’m hoping people will notice that connects him to Mitsuru) because Personas are shaped by one's thoughts and ideas, and as Mitsuru has a huge influence on Riku, I felt that should show up in the persona designs (Lugh also references Artemisia and Percy references Isis). We haven’t really seen any persona users who are related (aside from the Suou brothers but I haven’t really looked into their personas yet so I can’t properly comment) so I want to try and explore how that could possibly affect how a persona looks!
And that’s kinda it really. I hope this answers your questions and if anyone did read til the end uh here’s a gold star for you you deserved it ⭐. If anyone else has any follow up questions let me know, as you can probably tell this is something I am HUGELY passionate about so I will be more than happy to answer. 
5 notes · View notes
krpgarden · 2 months
Note
do you think there's a reason female muses don't get rsvps/apps in rps like these? // as someone who writes both female and male fcs and sometimes just has more muse for one type of character over the other.. i honestly wish people with muse for female characters in a particular setting would just reserve/apply to the group? i'm saying this as someone who currently isn't writing in/actively applying to any krp right now (still shopping around) but i feel like rps that have more male muses than female muses are often just written off when it just happens to reflect who the writers happen to want to write at the moment. nothing more. like yes, there are muns who seem to exist to fetishize m/m plots, but most people just want to rp. and i think that it could also just be a numbers game. there might just happen to be more writers who want to write male characters at the moment? there's not much one can do to change that.
at the same time, i know that there are times when well-written female muses are paid dust and that gets super draining. so i get feeling hesitant to join with a girl when everyone else is writing guys. but when groups these days don't even require much investment to reserve/apply, the best solution to this problem is to just .. reserve and maybe even apply, especially if you have a lot of muse for that setting. give the rp a chance, and show the admins that there is interest in their group before they decide to abandon the project. if you do end up joining a group, see how it feels (preferably for at least a week) before making a judgment call based on just taken fcs/a masterlist.
for admins, what i've seen some rps do is offer some canons / subplots / important roles / species where female muses Have to fill the role. and make it so that the role is somewhat exciting too. stuff like seductive "succubi"-type species and female-only factions that hate men are a little tired and reductive (and also limiting in plots).
also i'm fully aware that this is just my opinion! so feel free to offer contrasting views if anyone has any.
hi there, thank you for your message! 💙 i like reading opinions, so thank you for sending this in! i will put my views in a read more again, if anyone has any advice or thoughts on this, of course, feel free to add on!
yes, i think so, too. it might not be something planned or on purpose or even any thought behind male muses being more popular right now or at any given time. maybe it's just what people prefer right now.
however, i also think these two problems mentioned (just reserve even though there are only male muses / female muses not being paid attention) are kind of intertwined - if someone wants to play a female muse, but there are only male muses on the masterlist one might automatically jump to the conclusion that you might get ignored, so why put in the effort of thinking of an interesting female muse when it's all going to be for nothing anyways (just an example thought - i don't know if anyone actually thinks this way, it's just something i came up with!).
you do make a great point which i agree with, you just gotta try it! and most likely (or hopefully!) everything will be perfectly fine.
and special roles/skeletons for female muses sounds like a great idea for roleplays! i would love to see some of those 🥹
0 notes
tehuti88-art · 7 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
9/15/23: r/SketchDaily theme, "Free Draw Friday." Whew, rather glad to finally get this guy out of the way.
This week's character from my anthro WWII storyline is Obergefreiter (Corporal) Adalard von Staden, with flight helmet and goggles (top drawing), with flight helmet and goggles down (middle drawing), and with garrison cap (bottom drawing). He's a young but skilled pilot whose character I rather abandoned for a while but decided to resurrect; as such he needs a background, though he's already developed a bit of plot in the main story. There'll be more about him later in my art Tumblr and Toyhou.se.
Regarding his design, kind of a journey getting here; I looked up flight helmets and drew one, then when I got to the ear section I realized that with his ears I couldn't give it the standard built-in headphones! The part I'd been studying most. Oops. So he wears external headphones. Then after everything was finished I realized--I forgot his goggles!! So I had to tweak the finished drawing to add them, which also meant adding a third drawing.
Now you see why I'm glad to check him off my list.
TUMBLR EDIT: Adalard von Staden's story is still heavily under development and I haven't had time lately to iron out details, though you can see how part of it developed organically in Vischer's entry. That's from an outside observer's POV; now here's what I know so far from von Staden's POV, which is still heavily a WIP.
Von Staden dates to around the second reboot, circa 2000 or so. Here's how he's originally described:
ADALARD "EAGLE" VON STADEN: Cpl.; Nazi soldier captured by the Trench Rats. Appears in sequel
Firstly, note that back then, I casually equated "German soldier" with "Nazi." This no longer holds in the current version; von Staden is in the Wehrmacht (Luftwaffe), but isn't a member of the Nazi Party. Secondly, I kept track of which story the characters appeared in...I'm not quite sure what I meant by "sequel." Since it's considered separate from "current storyline" on the list yet von Staden wasn't intended to appear in Ultima Thule (the "epilogue") as far as I'm aware, I must have meant Reunion, which, although I consider it its own story arc, is still technically "current storyline." So, that's confusing. As well, in the current scenario, von Staden first appears early on in Reborn and then is absent for much of the plot, for reasons that will become clear; so this notation on the list should just be ignored. Finally, the nickname "Eagle." This was likely in reference to his flying skills, though I'll probably abandon it as hokey. Oddly, I'd THOUGHT it was a reference to his first name, but now I see that's impossible--"Adal-" is merely yet another reference to nobility (see Adel, Edelgard, and Adelina Dobermann for other examples); when I Google the German word for eagle, it's Adler. Close, but definitely not to be mistaken for Adalard. So maybe I had a faulty baby names book (how I got names back then), but more likely I just misremembered how he got his nickname.
Von Staden is a young Junker and a low-ranking member of the Luftwaffe (I don't know if they had such low-ranking soldiers in such positions, PLUS, I'm likely getting ranks wrong, as I generalize the Wehrmacht ranks between the branches, so if anyone knows a correction to offer, feel free, I get too confused looking into it myself); he's likely a flying ace. He's not a Nazi, he's uninterested in politics, but he loves his country and he loves the adventure of flying. He doesn't care for killing, though of course he loves the exhilaration of the fight and especially the victory. (NOTE that while one, the Luftwaffe very much did commit war crimes, and two, von Staden is not based on this person, still, his Wikipedia page offers some interesting details on unusual attitudes regarding killing the enemy, which did inspire some of my character's story actions: Hans-Joachim Marseille. Dude even listened to jazz music! *horrors*) He earns awards and medals and looks like he's going places.
He gets shot down near the start of Reborn and is forced to eject near an apparently abandoned village that was recently bombed. He lands safely, though is injured, and wanders into the village seeking medical attention. While there, he spots large shapes looming from the hazy air hanging over the buildings and steps aside in time to witness a bizarre procession: Large dogs with some sort of saddlebags slung across their shoulders and riders in gas masks high atop their necks, more masked figures atop eagles and hawks, a few riding motorcycles, and a large number of them on foot. (Most recently I imagine this scene in conjunction with Within Temptation's "Mercy Mirror." An earlier, alternate version featured Little River Band's "Middle Man." Frankly, the latter makes more sense.) Von Staden watches in awe as the large contingent of Trench Rats, members of the American Allied forces, move past and spread out through the gutted village, presumably seeking survivors, as the Rats astride the dogs have red crosses on their helmets. In particular, he notices one Rat on foot (Turquoise) who slows to a stop and crumples to his knees outside one house, as if nearly fainting; the Rat beside him hooks his elbow around his and carefully helps him up before gesturing at a few others to check inside. They return a few moments later with a couple of injured villagers in tow, and hand them off to a Rat who climbed down from one of the dogs. Then--a motorcycle with sidecar abruptly pulls up beside von Staden and he finds himself staring down the barrels of two guns, a Trench Rat sergeant and corporal both aiming right at him. Von Staden is promptly taken prisoner.
He's restrained, taken to one of the dogs, bustled up and into one of the box compartments, blindfolded, and has noise-dampening headphones placed on him. The ride--wherever--is long and bumpy. When the blindfold and headphones are finally removed, he finds himself in what appears to be a medical ward; a doctor tends to his injuries, though as he's doing so, the Trench Rat corporal arrives and starts talking to the doctor--the two seem to engage in a brief dispute. At last the doctor says to von Staden, in flawless German, "He wants to know if you're willing to answer questions regarding your identity and your mission. I'm not inclined to waste my time. Will you agree to be questioned or should I just tell him to f**k off now?" (Hahaha, for funsies I Google Translated and this came out as "Er möchte wissen, ob Sie bereit sind, Fragen zu Ihrer Identität und Ihrer Mission zu beantworten. Ich neige nicht dazu, meine Zeit zu verschwenden. Sind Sie bereit, befragt zu werden, oder soll ich ihm jetzt einfach sagen, dass er sich verpissen soll?" Actually not bad retranslated.) Von Staden is speechless for a moment before gathering himself and muttering, "Just tell him my name is Adalard von Staden, I am a corporal in the Luftwaffe, and I have nothing else to say." The doctor accordingly translates; the other corporal looks disgruntled, but retreats. Von Staden is silent as the doctor wraps up his wound, then asks, "What is going to happen to me, now?" The doctor, gathering his instruments, replies, "Now you're going to be treated as a prisoner of war."
Von Staden is uneasy, but soon realizes his fears are unfounded; the Trench Rats aren't interested in harming him. He remains in the medical ward for a time, though he's cuffed to the bed. And they're still interested in trying to get information out of him. He quickly catches on that most of the Rats are nicknamed after colors--the doctor is Burgundy, the pushy corporal is Gold, and the sergeant is Black. Neither Gold nor Black seems fluent in German, though Burgundy is, and either he or another Rat without a color nickname always translates; this fourth Rat is even better with the language than Burgundy is, talking like a native speaker, even with a trace of a regional accent. Von Staden spends a good deal of time trying to determine if he's American or German. Gold and Black, meanwhile, are polar opposites, yet both share the same goal, of trying to get von Staden to talk. Gold is quite voluble and rather loudmouthed--"He never shuts up, does he," von Staden says to the unnamed Trench Rat, who looks vaguely awkward before translating this for Gold, who just gets that peeved look again--whereas Black says few words and is soft spoken. He also seems less easily irritated than Gold; although he never threatens or says anything ominous, he conceals his emotions well, so von Staden can't get a read on him, and this makes him nervous.
Either way, both keep trying to get him to answer questions, and he keeps refusing. He wonders just how far he can push them, and though he remains polite and civil toward Black and Burgundy--both of whom outrank him--and toward the other Rat, who is always polite himself--he offers increasingly flippant responses to Gold, whom he views as an equal and thus fair game. Gold's obviously short temper is hard to resist. Gold does frequently look annoyed, and offers insulting responses of his own (Burgundy finally refuses to continue translating their spats for each other--"You'll have to act like children without my aid"--leaving the fourth Trench Rat to do the job instead), but never quite steps over the line. He and Black share a few words one day and Gold makes a dismissive gesture before saying something and leaving; Black nods at the fourth Rat, who tells von Staden that he'll be dealing with him and Black now. Von Staden feels a twinge of disappointment--his verbal sparring with Gold had been vaguely amusing--but says nothing to Black, who soon also leaves. Von Staden gets the fourth Rat's attention before he can go as well.
Von Staden: "You. I don't know your name."
Trench Rat: "It doesn't matter."
Von Staden: "You've been respectful with me so I'd appreciate to refer to you by a proper name, rather than 'You.'"
Trench Rat: *seeming vaguely uncomfortable* "I'm just here to translate, I don't mind how you refer to me." *turns to leave*
Von Staden: *quickly* "Are you German--?"
Trench Rat: *halts* "What...?"
Von Staden: "You speak like a comrade, like you're from the city. Were you born there? Is the Fatherland yours?"
Trench Rat: "I'm American."
Von Staden: *slightly disappointed* "Then I must say your command of the language is impeccable, I thought for sure you must be one of us. Even your doctor doesn't speak with a German accent. How did you learn it so well?"
Trench Rat: *pause* "Immersion." *turns to leave* "I have to get back to my work now."
Von Staden: "Could I at least have your name?"
Trench Rat: *halts again; hesitates* "Weltuntergang." *exits*
Von Staden is left with a lot to think about. The Trench Rat interpreter's codename translates to end of the world. Doomsday. Von Staden knows exactly who he's dealing with now, as well as why he speaks such perfect German. Projekt Weltuntergang is an SS-funded experiment to increase a subject's strength, stamina, and intelligence, the final goal being to create a supersoldier; there's been lots of subdued talk about the perfected serum eventually being used on subjects exactly like von Staden, but the project has been plagued with bugs and this is unlikely to happen any time soon. So far, the project's poster child has been an American soldier who was briefly captured and detained before being rescued upon the formation of the Trench Rats; that's who this is. He wasn't a test subject for long, which is what amazes von Staden even more--during his brief imprisonment, he learned to speak German with a German accent, well enough to fool a native speaker. Von Staden is all kinds of fascinated by Doomsday, and wishes to know more, though the Trench Rat seems uninclined to oblige him.
Black Rat takes notice of this, however, and calls a small meeting with D-Day and Gold. He says that von Staden's obvious interest in D-Day--D-Day is the only Rat he attempts to initiate conversation with--might be used to their advantage, and suggests that D-Day answer the personal questions von Staden is peppering him with. It's quite a long shot, but just maybe von Staden will be a little more open to sharing some information of his own. D-Day doesn't outright object to the idea, but is plainly uncomfortable. Gold is the one who objects: "He could end up compromising himself," he protests. "He wouldn't be sharing any information that the German authorities don't already know," Black says, "the only difference is Herr von Staden presumably doesn't know." He reiterates how there's a slight chance it could lead to an exchange of information--von Staden might even slip up and overshare, or provide a seemingly innocuous detail that proves to be useful--and after an awkward pause D-Day promises to give it a shot, and leaves. Says Gold, "Yeah, well...I still think it's a sh*tty idea, no offense, with too much risk and too little benefit. And frankly I don't think you should've put him in this position." "He had the choice to say no," Black says, to which Gold retorts, "Did he, though...?"
D-Day returns to the medical ward and von Staden, who immediately perks up on seeing him; despite D-Day being American, and the enemy, he sees them as kindred spirits of a sort--they've both been prisoners of war. He asks a few general questions and seems a bit surprised when D-Day answers; yet instead of prying further, he hesitates, then ventures, "You seem uneasy, Herr Doomsday." D-Day dismisses this concern and says he's free to ask him anything else he'd like. "What has changed between today and yesterday--?" von Staden asks, perplexed. This time D-Day pauses before saying, "I've been advised to answer your questions. So, feel free to ask." Yet this comment has the exact opposite effect than intended; von Staden's confusion grows and he says, "Advised?--or ordered?" When D-Day insists he wasn't ordered to do anything, he refuses to believe it, and also refuses to ask any more questions. "I've been terribly rude, and I apologize," von Staden says; "Your life and experiences are none of my business, and it was thoughtless of me to presume they were." D-Day knows he can't press the issue without tipping him off that this was a strategic move, so he starts to leave; before he can reach the door, von Staden adds, "You shouldn't put up with them treating you like some sort of device to get what they want." D-Day stops, turns his head to look back at him. "It's not much different from what we did to you, is it...?" von Staden says, and D-Day exits.
So, Black's plan is a wash; he isn't upset by it, though Gold is rather soured by the attempt, and it has plainly bothered D-Day as he excuses himself to go lurk in the wiring tunnels for a while. Von Staden feels a little embittered as well, not so much by the attempted trick as by the fact that even the Americans stoop to such levels. Despite their relatively decent treatment of him, he decides to try to look for an opportunity to escape. He figures his chances are best while he's still in the medical ward; they're likely to transport him to a regular cell afterward, and he isn't sure if he'll be able to escape from there so easily; at least here, the only restraint he has to contend with is the cuff on his wrist. He figures out how to pick it with a tool he steals from a medical tray and keeps concealed, and memorizes the movements of various staff and visitors. He can hear whenever the Rats bring in other captured Germans, but they're always kept carefully separated so they can't communicate and the newcomers never have any idea von Staden is even there. He also decides to take a cue from Black although it chafes him: He'll try to use the electrical tunnels to escape, banking on D-Day allowing him to do so. It's a very slim chance but it's all he has. He makes one request of Burgundy, that he be given back his Iron Cross which was confiscated with the rest of his uniform; Burgundy is hesitant, sensing some hidden meaning in this, yet can't think of any possible mischief von Staden can get into with a mere medal, so grants his request and gives back the Cross. Von Staden spends some time staring at it and wistfully thinking of home, his parents and his older sister, hoping he can see them again soon.
The nurse, Skye, informs him one day that he'll be moved soon as his injury has healed well enough, so von Staden decides it's time to act. He tucks the Iron Cross safely away and waits for the brief period between shift changes when he'll be left unattended; he chooses a shift change between Skye and another female nurse, knowing he could never hope to take on one of the male interns like Indigo. (Indigo is big and strong and f**king scary. And he hates Germans.) The change occurs, the ward goes empty, and von Staden hurriedly picks his cuff and slips out of bed. Grabs a set of pajamas and slippers as he doesn't have time to seek his uniform, tucks them under his arm, and flees. Working backwards, he goes in the general direction he'd felt himself moving in when first brought there, a pattern he's repeated in his head multiple times. He spots a round door set up higher in the wall; judging by the danger symbols on it, he guesses this leads to the electrical tunnels, and hauls the heavy door open and climbs inside, uncertain of what he'll find.
The tunnel is cramped, but serviceable. Von Staden starts crawling. He spots something he'd been hoping to find: A schematic of part of the tunnel layout. It's not the entire thing, but it'll do. He locates what he hopes is an exit to the outside and heads that way.
Before he can reach that tunnel branch, it happens--a torch beam flickers across his field of vision, and a second shadowy shape crawls into the tunnel. Von Staden and D-Day stare at each other a moment, the latter blinking with surprise and confusion. Von Staden promptly turns and goes scurrying, ignoring the Trench Rat's shouted "Hey--!" though he does reach into his gown and pull out his medal, dropping it behind him with a clatter. He can hear D-Day halt briefly when he finds it, but keeps on going. Locates the portal he guesses he's looking for and tries to open it; he panics briefly, thinking it's locked, before pushing rather than pulling--the door lets out a loud rusty groan of protest but nudges open, barely wide enough for him to squeeze out. Finds himself not outdoors, but in another tunnel, too dark to see; swallows down his rising anxiety, feels around, finds a corresponding portal just across from the first, and repeats the procedure. This door is even stickier than the other, and he batters it repeatedly with his shoulder before it pops open. He scrapes himself up rather badly crawling out as it's almost covered with thorny brush and weeds, plus his shoulder is throbbing by now, yet he makes it out, rolls down a short hillside, stumbles to his feet, and glances around. Nothing but woods, all around him. It's cloudy, so he can't tell which direction the sun is in. He takes a breath, picks a direction, and runs.
He doesn't stop until nightfall, and then only after he finds a small hollow to shelter in briefly. Here he strips out of his robe and undergarments and changes into the pajamas (he'd already put on the slippers), wincing and biting his tongue the entire time--he's just about sure he dislocated his shoulder. Still, there's no time to dwell on the pain; he conceals his discarded clothes, rests just long enough to catch his breath, then crawls out and goes running again, short sprints this time to try to conserve energy. He has no stars or anything else familiar by which to navigate, and just hopes that his luck holds and he finds his way back to his own side.
He has to hide again once or twice when he hears voices, determining that they're those of partisans who are likely to shoot him dead without a second thought. He starts swooning from pain, fatigue, and thirst, so that he ends up surprised by a man with a rifle who appears right in front of him, aiming between his eyes. Von Staden stumbles to a halt, gasping and shaking; he expects the partisan to finish him off, yet belatedly blinks and gets a better look at him. The gunman is alone but he's wearing fatigues and a field cap with the Wehrmachtsadler emblem on it--this is one of his own. The sniper looks surprised as well when von Staden tries to salute, exclaiming, "Mein Kamerad!" before collapsing. "My name is Adalard von Staden and I am an airman in the Luftwaffe," he says weakly when the sniper bends down to help him; "my plane was shot down and I was taken prisoner. Take me to the authorities so I may make a statement, bitte." He relaxes and tries to just let himself pass out, but the sniper lightly slaps his face a few times and something touches von Staden's mouth; realizing it's a canteen, he grasps hold of it and starts guzzling the water greedily. He gets a look at the sniper's name tag, is vaguely perplexed that it displays not a proper surname but the word RATTENHUND--Ratdog. "I think you need to see a doctor first," the sniper says, but von Staden shakes his head; he wants to make a statement, while the details are still fresh. They're in the middle of nowhere, and Ratdog has no radio; he pulls von Staden into the undergrowth, covers him with a blanket and tells him to stay put, and hurries off to find the nearest troop. Von Staden finally faints.
He groggily wakes to the faint voice of someone repeatedly calling, "Herr Obergefreiter? Herr von Staden." Drags his eyes open and blinks blearily, grimacing at the cottony feeling in his mouth and the floaty feeling in his head. His shoulder is still throbbing but it's an odd muted feeling he doesn't really care about. Someone in a uniform is standing at the foot of his bed...he's in a medical ward again. "Can you hear me, Herr von Staden...?" the man in uniform asks.
"Ja," von Staden mumbles; then, after being informed the morphine is likely what's making him feel funny, "I wished to make a statement," he complains, and names his commanding officer. "Who is this person?" the uniformed man asks; "He's my superior officer," von Staden says, "and I'd like to make my statement to him." "That's what I'm here for," the uniformed man replies; von Staden blinks again and squints harder until things come into focus. Then furrows his brow, confused. The man's uniform is the wrong color; he's obviously not with the Luftwaffe. There's a skull on his cap rather than a cockade and winged oak leaf wreath, the eagle is wrong, and he has the Sig runes on his collar. Von Staden stares at him for a perplexed moment. He can't think of why the Allgemeine-SS would want to talk to him, they aren't even military. Yet here one of them is, ready to take his statement. "Start at the beginning, bitte," he says; "Where did you crash, and what exactly happened...?"
Von Staden's nightmare officially begins. He outlines his experiences of the past few weeks in full detail (omitting only the empathy he felt for LC Doomsday), having no reason to lie about anything. Yet the SS officer starts asking odd questions that, while not ominous or threatening, make von Staden's unease grow. Why should there even be questions?--he told everything. The officer seems interested in his experience in Trench Rat custody; he was gone quite a while, why?--they wanted to let his injury heal, he replies. His shoulder, did they do that?--no, they didn't hurt him in the least. They interrogated him under pressure, surely?--no, they tried to ask questions but they weren't aggressive about it. He was intimidated or threatened at all?--no, they actually treated him quite well. The officer especially wants to know how he escaped, no Germans have ever escaped Trench Rat custody, how did he do it? Von Staden is reluctant to mention the very slight rapport he felt with D-Day, but otherwise tells the full truth, just as it happened. The officer just stares at him the entire time, and is silent for a while after he finishes. Von Staden fights not to fidget or ask questions himself, though by now he's burning to. Finally the SS officer says, "I notice in your file that you're not a registered member of the Party, is there any particular reason this is so...?" "I've never had any reason to," von Staden says, his confusion growing; "I've served the Reich faithfully, I've sworn allegiance to der Führer and the Fatherland, I've earned awards and commendations--I'm not sure what more I can do to prove my loyalty?" He expects that to be the end of it--he's been loyal and he's been honest--yet the SS officer just stares at him a moment more before saying, "We'll be in touch with you and your commanding officer soon. Feel better, but stay close to home for now, ja...?" and he leaves.
The entire experience has left a bad taste in von Staden's mouth, though he tries to put it out of his mind and get some rest. He's perplexed that his commanding officer never comes to speak with him, but figures the SS officer will tell him all he needs to know. He dozes fitfully and loses track of time, longing to get in a plane and see the sky again. Most of all, though, he misses his family.
A few days later, several SS men arrive and the officer instructs von Staden to get up from the bed. He obeys out of pure confusion; a nervous-looking nurse hands him some generic clothes which he's told to put on, and as he does so von Staden asks, "Where is my uniform--?" "You won't be needing it," the officer replies, and von Staden suddenly finds himself being cuffed and informed that he's being taken into custody for spying and treason against the Reich. "What--??" von Staden exclaims, and starts trying to protest, though the men grab his arms and bustle him out of the room and down the hospital hall. Doctors, nurses, assistants, other patients stand by and watch, dismayed and stunned looks on many faces, and he tries to appeal to a few of them, yet nobody dares intervene. "What did I do? What have I done--?" he cries in bewilderment as he's pulled out of the hospital and shoved into a truck, but nobody explains anything further; the truck door slams, the engine revs, it pulls away. Von Staden continues protesting for a few moments, gets no answers, falls silent at last...not because of the lack of answers, but because the truck is driving to the far end of the city, away from the Wehrmacht administrative building he should be reporting to. His stomach starts sinking though he isn't sure why.
The truck at last pulls to a stop. Everything else happens in such rapid-fire fashion that von Staden barely has time to protest further, though he's so stunned by now he nearly goes mute. There's no way any of this can be real, yet it is. He hadn't been able to get a good look out the window at where they are, but as soon as he's pulled out of the truck it becomes obvious. A gate with a guard station and the words ARBEIT MACHT FREI looms overhead. Von Staden is marched inside; the men with him briefly greet a scowling SS officer standing huddled in a greatcoat; he jerks his head and von Staden is shoved toward a building. He's told to strip out of the hospital clothes he just put on, is pushed into the building, and a shower head blasts him with cold water which makes him gasp and shudder; the minute he steps out, chattering, he's tossed striped clothes, told to dress, pushed into another building, has his photo taken, and a red triangle is affixed to his shirt. Back outside, he has a barracks building pointed out to him--"That's where you sleep tonight"--then is directed to a nearby guard overseeing a group of workers and told to fall in. Von Staden briefly glances at the other prisoners, who glance back with a mixture of dull curiosity and hostility--most are wearing yellow Judensterne, a few are wearing various colors of triangles--but he doesn't get to talk to anyone. The guard snaps an order and the others start to work, picking up and carrying away heavy stones; von Staden gasps when the guard thwacks him across the shoulders and barks, "Get a move on!" He scoops up as many of the stones as he can carry and hurries after the rest of his group.
Von Staden has heard of the camps--most citizens have, by now--though he's never been entirely sure what goes on in them. There are horror stories which he figured were somewhat exaggerated, yet even if they were entirely true, that was none of his business, had nothing to do with him. It's apparently his business, now. He quickly falls into the camp routine of rising before dawn, quickly using the toilets, going outside to get in formation, standing through the grueling roll call, getting his work assignment for the day, breaking for a brief watery meal, getting back to work, heading back to bed on a hard crowded bunk with nothing but his clothes and a threadbare blanket to keep him warm. He soon grows thin and glassy eyed from fatigue, hunger, and shock. Additionally, it's not just the guards he has to look out for; his fellow prisoners turn out to be even more of a threat. Of course the Jewish and Roma prisoners despise him for being a privileged Aryan, one of the same people who have victimized them; they get in shoves and hits and jabs at him whenever they can. Even worse, though, are the other German prisoners. Their risk of being outright killed by the guards is lower, so they're bolder in attacking him, and von Staden takes several brutal beatings--uselessly crying out, "I'm a German citizen!!" the entire time--before he at last snaps and hits back, knowing that if he doesn't start defending himself, nobody will. Every day is spent with his back to a figurative wall, not knowing who that day will try to target him; he becomes suspicious of everyone, rebuffing the few attempted kind gestures he's offered (including a guard's offer to send him to a slightly less strenuous job), and keeps completely to himself. He clings to the hope that this is some awful mistake--it has to be--and that soon it'll be set right--yet days and then weeks slip by, the situation not changing, and his hope begins to waver. Where is his CO, all the protest about such a travesty? Where is his family?
Unknown to von Staden, lots has been going on behind the scenes since he was taken into Trench Rat custody, most of it not good for him. His downed plane had been located not far from the abandoned village; nearby witnesses described seeing the hawks and the dogs heading in, marking an effort by the Trench Rats to find survivors. It's assumed that von Staden would have likewise headed into the village for medical attention, and was likely grabbed by the Rats. He confirms this upon his escape, but this just opens up a hundred more questions. Nobody else has ever escaped the Trench Rats; how did he manage? His assertion that the Rats treated him well, and had nothing to do with his injuries, only compounds matters. The SS promptly seizes control of the investigation from the Wehrmacht and starts digging. They track down Ratdog, the sniper who found von Staden in the woods, and question him; having no idea what's going on, and no reason to lie or suspect their motives, he answers honestly, though his corroboration of the details von Staden gives doesn't help the corporal's case any. They question von Staden's family--though without informing them that von Staden has been found and taken into custody--placing emphasis on checking their faithfulness to the Reich. Did von Staden ever show signs of disloyalty? Apathy? Did he ever speak against der Führer? Why did he never join the Party? Von Staden's peers in the Luftwaffe are similarly interrogated, again, without being told that he's in custody. For all that they're aware, he's still missing. The SS's questions perplex them but they answer the best they can, not knowing what else to do, and not wanting to end up on the wrong end of an interrogation themselves. Von Staden enters the camp system with no one but the SS being any the wiser. There's nobody out there who even thinks to look for him there. Nobody is coming to rescue him.
The months slog by, and von Staden slowly loses hope and goes numb, resigning himself to being a prisoner. He gets used to being referred to by a number and not a name; it isn't tattooed on his arm, that treatment is reserved for the Jews and Roma and Slavs, but it may as well be tattooed on his brain. He reaches a tense middle ground of knowing when to defend himself by fighting back and when to tuck his head down and just take the blows. He does his work without complaint, follows the routine, and speaks only when spoken to. He trusts nobody. And most of all, he doesn't hope, because he knows if he does it'll kill him.
As his luck would have it, it's a complete stranger, and a chance encounter, that ends up saving him. He and the rest of the prisoners are unexpectedly ordered to roll call one day; they drop what they're doing and hurry into the middle of the yard to get into rows. Von Staden stands waiting, not patiently as that implies a choice to wait impatiently, he just waits to be called. The commandant and guards don't seem to be interested in following through for some reason, everyone just stands there at attention as the commandant talks to a Wehrmacht captain, but nobody questions. Von Staden simply stands stiffly and waits to be either called or sent back to work. Then, suddenly, somebody walking by halts in front of him and stares at him. "Excuse me," he says softly; not expecting to be spoken to, von Staden shifts his eyes slightly to look at him. The man is dressed in civilian clothes, is somewhat glassy eyed, and trembles as if he doesn't even notice he's doing it; von Staden recognizes the signs of combat fatigue although he never experienced it himself. This is an older man, though, so he knows they never served together. For the first time in a long time, he feels a twinge of confusion--is this person actually talking to him?--why? He peers at the prisoner to his side, but he's looking straight ahead; peers back at the stranger and sees he's still looking at him; then resumes staring ahead, himself. There's no reason for anyone to talk to him, so he figures he's misunderstood. Then the stranger says, "Ja, you, with the red badge. Could you tell me your name...?"
Adalard von Staden meets Vischer, a Great War veteran who just happens to be taking a tour of the camp with his companion, Captain Harald Altermann. Vischer is secretly in contact with the Trench Rats. He's heard of the Luftwaffe ace, a young Junker, who was polite and well behaved yet escaped their custody, much to their consternation, without answering any of their questions. And now here he comes across a German "traitor and deserter" with a Junker name, in a concentration camp. Vischer takes a big risk asking for Altermann's aid in confirming von Staden's identity and getting him out of there, because they know that he's still officially missing, he was never court-martialed, and he definitely has no business being in a camp, wearing the badge of a traitor. Altermann takes a risk of his own and pulls a few strings. The Wehrmacht contacts the SS and presses a little harder than they normally would. After some nagging, then haggling, an officer heads to the camp with a brusque letter in hand, requesting von Staden's immediate release into his custody. A mistake was made, they need to correct it.
The commandant reads through the letter with growing alarm. "A mistake--?" he demands, voice rising. "This is what you call a mistake??" The Allgemeine-SS officer requests him to keep a civil tone; "Civil tone!" the commandant barks, shakes a fist wordlessly, then orders his adjutant to accompany them to his office. Shuts the door, and promptly lays into the other officer. He's PISSED that something like this could've happened, especially coming from an organization that regularly practices such strict oversight--how did this even happen? He doesn't care too much about von Staden himself; it's the way this incident may taint his reputation and the reputation of his camp that truly infuriates him. "Best pray Herr von Staden and his family don't come gunning for you and yours once this is resolved," he threatens, "honestly, if you were not SS, I'd be coming for you myself!" His adjutant says, "I'll fetch Herr von Staden and get the process started for his release," and turns to go; "IMMEDIATE release," the commandant clarifies, and adds, "Make sure you get him cleaned up. Fetch him a new uniform. Make him at least halfway presentable for his family--Gott knows we're going to have more than enough hassle to deal with aside from this!"
Von Staden has already brushed off his brief interaction with Vischer--of course his pathetic attempt would go nowhere, he doesn't even feel discouraged about it--and is busy breaking rocks in the yard. The adjutant approaches, calls, "Herr von Staden." Pauses, but von Staden ignores him, just keeps on working. The adjutant frowns, starts, "Herr von--" then cuts himself off with a shake of his head--stupid, of course he wouldn't respond, prisoners leave their names at the gate--and calls out his ID number instead. Von Staden halts his work, removes his cap, snaps to attention. The adjutant gestures--"Follow"--so he does so. He's brought to the showers, told to strip and go in; he starts shaking but obeys, pretty sure he's about to die as he peers up at the shower head which rattles and bangs before something sprays out of it in a blast--he gasps at the shock of cold water, that's all it is, and shoves down his terror and confusion, scrubbing at himself as quickly as he can and chattering like crazy. He exits, is tossed a threadbare towel to dry off with--that's different, usually they just re-dress themselves while still wet--then is given a fresh set of clothes, not his striped ones, but a Luftwaffe uniform. Now he's beyond bewildered--WTF's going on?--yet bites his tongue, you don't ever question the guards, and puts it on. It's his size--but it's too big for him. The adjutant whistles through his teeth at von Staden's emaciated sorry figure but there's nothing to be done for it; he gives von Staden his cap (which he clasps to his chest, not putting it on--you never wear your cap when addressing a guard) and gestures. "Follow."
While this has been happening, the commandant has called the von Staden home and let them know they have von Staden in their custody and will be releasing him immediately--"A dreadful mistake, most dreadful, I can't apologize enough, I assure you some heads will roll for this outrage." He instructs the von Stadens to head to the railway station where they'll soon be reunited with their son. To his immense relief, they don't barrage him with furious questions, instead hanging up promptly to follow his advice. The adjutant arrives with von Staden, who looks utterly pathetic in his baggy uniform, grasps his hand, and pumps it up and down so hard von Staden nearly stumbles. Again apologizes profusely for the "most outrageous oversight, someone will pay, I assure you"--and tells the adjutant to drive him to the railway station. Collapses in his chair with a gusty breath and puts his hands to his face. "What a f**king mess," he moans...then pulls out some official letterhead and starts writing, making haste to ensure this incident is kept as quiet as possible.
Von Staden looks up at the ARBEIT MACHT FREI sign as the SS car drives him out of the gate. Stares glassy eyed out the window as the city rushes by. He hasn't seen the outside world in months. The seasons have changed, the clothing has changed, the newspaper headlines have changed; he feels like he's in a foreign country and can't connect to anything he's seeing. It feels like he's been in the camp for years, yet also like his life was paused while the rest of the world moved on. He's numb and has no idea what to think. They arrive at the railway station and the adjutant helps him exit the car; he looks around, blinking, before noticing someone hesitantly approaching from a small group of people--an older woman, her eyes wide and her hands over her mouth. He just stares at her as she lets out a soft whimpering sound--"Adalard...?" The fuzziness abruptly clears from his head--"Mutter...?" he says faintly. And then her arms are around him and she's hugging him tight--"My boy, my baby boy!"--then his father is there--"My poor son," he says through his tears--and then he sees his sister, Constanze, standing nearby, her lip trembling a little but her face otherwise composed; when his parents let him go she steps forward and hesitates only a second before hugging him. "Welcome home, Adalard," she whispers.
They get on the train. Von Staden stares out the window. Jumps when his mother touches his arm, suggests he take a nap. He tries to doze. They reach the station, get in their car; again he stares out the window, sees the big family estate, the sky overhead. Inside, Frau von Staden fusses over the huge dinner she's having made, all his favorites, he must be starving. Constanze protests: "Mama, don't overdo it! Slow! You don't want to make him sick." Herr von Staden agrees, yet his mother insists. Constanze leads von Staden to his room, suggests he wash up, and she'll fetch him some clothes. He can't bear to use the shower again, so just washes himself at the sink. Puts on his new clothes. Constanze says he can rest again until dinner when she'll come wake him; she pauses, then hugs him again, wordlessly. Von Staden raises his arms, hesitantly hugs her back.
He can't fall asleep, just lies in bed staring at the canopy. Constanze arrives to take him to the dining room. The table is practically groaning with food, all his favorites just as promised; "Mama," Constanze rebukes, "why so much food! I said don't overdo it!" "Look at him, he's skin and bone," Frau von Staden insists, eyes welling up--"How could he not want to eat?" Strangely, von Staden really ISN'T hungry...he thought he would be, considering how painfully little food he received in the camp, yet now that he's presented with this veritable smorgasbord, his empty stomach twists and he has to swallow down his nausea. His mother coaxes him to eat, so he tries. His parents chatter, regular gossip like everything is right in the world; Constanze speaks up only when directly addressed, casting furtive looks at her brother as he gingerly bites at his food. "Go on, Liebe, you've hardly touched anything," Frau von Staden says, and he eats a bit faster. His head starts swimming as his parents and then Constanze begin to quietly argue, Frau von Staden saying they need to accept the SS's apology and move on, Constanze retorting that they're owed far more than that, Herr von Staden asking them both to calm down for Adalard's sake, Constanze reiterating that they're being lied to about something, Frau von Staden insisting you do not question the SS and why would they lie about this anyway, and then von Staden jerks to the side and throws up on the floor.
The other three flinch back in surprise--Constanze stands and comes to his side, while his father exclaims, "Adalard--? Are you all right?" and Frau von Staden calls for the maid. "Apologies," von Staden says as if reciting a script, "I'll clean it up. Apologies," and shakily stands. He always cleaned up his own messes in the camp, or else he'd get a stick across his shoulders. "It's all right!" Frau von Staden exclaims. "It's all right, the maid will clean it up," and "Sit a moment," Constanze murmurs, "you're eating too fast, you have to get used to it--I told you, Mama, I warned you it was too much," and "I'll fetch some ginger ale and crackers," Herr von Staden says, "that should help settle you down," and leaves. "Put them on a tray, bitte," Constanze says, "I'm taking him back to his room. Come on, Adalard," she coaxes, and he allows himself to be led away. Sits with him for a while, rubbing his wrists as he sits and shivers. "You want a hot bath...?" she asks, but he doesn't answer, he doesn't remember how to make a choice for himself. Herr von Staden brings by the tray and Constanze pours her brother a glass of ginger ale; "Here, you at least have to drink," and he manages a few sips. "Try to finish the glass," she says; "don't even think about the crackers right now, unless you want them. I imagine it's going to take you a while to get used to things again." He again apologizes for throwing up; she shakes her head: "Next time it happens, just leave it and call a maid, bitte--she'll clean it up." She moves close, grasps his shoulders so he looks at her. "You don't have to follow orders or be beaten anymore," she says in a firm voice; when he says nothing, she adds, "I know it must've happened. You don't have to worry about it anymore. It's over. You're home." She tells him to get some sleep and she'll fetch him in the morning. On her way out the door von Staden manages a faint "D...danke."
He again sleeps only fitfully. Wakes before dawn, stares confused at the canopy, decides to get up. As soon as he does, however, he collapses with a yelp. Constanze hurries in the door with a lamp in hand as von Staden clings to the bedpost, blinking and gasping. "My legs," he exclaims; "Can you feel them--?" Constanze asks, and he says, "Feel them--ja--but they aren't working. What's wrong with my legs?" She grabs hold of his waist and helps him to a chair, where he sits and rubs at them for a few moments; they positively throb, so he knows paralysis isn't the issue, but he's still confused. Constanze theorizes that exhaustion is catching up with him now that he has the chance to rest: "You were running on fumes," she asserts when he asks why didn't this happen sooner. His brain has normalized pain, so it takes a few moments for him to realize his muscles are cramping; they slowly loosen up and he's able to move his feet and knees; Constanze helps him stand again, and keeps hold of his arm as he takes a few tentative steps around his room. "Why are you awake so early?" she asks; "We always wake before dawn," he says, "or else we're disciplined." And quite belatedly he understands why he was so confused; he'd expected to wake on a cold cramped bunk next to other prisoners, not here. He blinks at his surroundings as the adrenaline wears off.
Constanze urges him to sleep a bit longer, but he doesn't think he can. "I'll draw you a hot bath," she suggests, and once it's done leaves him to sit in the steaming water for a while. It feels good, the best thing he's felt in who knows how long, but he barely notices. He stares mutely across the room and keeps imagining himself breaking rocks. Constanze comes back to wake him a couple of hours later when the water has gone cold, yet sleep and waking feel much the same, every time he shuts his eyes or stops thinking, he's back in the camp. She gives him a towel to wrap around himself, helps him dry off and dress--he's too numb to feel embarrassed--and leads him to breakfast. Frau von Staden meekly offers him dry toast and apple juice. He manages to keep it down.
The next several weeks are a tedious process of slowly getting used to being home. His first weeks in the camp, the prospect had consumed him, was all he could think of; now that he's finally free, he's consumed by thoughts of being back in camp. He's used to routine, to being told what to do; choices make him freeze. When presented with options, he never responds, because he can't remember how; Constanze gently rephrases questions to try to simplify them, then often answers for him after observing his reactions. It's almost like she translates between him and the normal world. He very gradually starts responding to simple choices, though he always adds a hasty mumbled "If possible, bitte, danke," at the end, to counteract the sharp stick-blow he always expects for being so presumptuous. No blows ever come, though; not even angry retorts. Von Staden starts eating a bit more and starts putting on weight. He starts sitting and standing up a bit straighter and making eye contact. His tremor and his repeated apologies fade. He sleeps later and starts choosing things without being asked. He politely responds to conversation again. He never returns to 100%...he's distinctly different from the young free-spirited idealist who flew off on a mission that one day. He remains largely withdrawn and quiet and glassy eyed like the man who visited him in the camp, but his parents seem pleased with the improvement. He supposes that's good enough even if he still isn't sure what to do with himself; he's been placed on indefinite leave from the Luftwaffe, as he's obviously in no shape to go on missions. He spends all his time at home, which normally would agonize him with boredom, yet he's still too numb to be bothered.
And then, one day, as he passes by the parlor he hears soft talking and laughter. Constanze is having a conversation with somebody whose voice he doesn't recognize. He peers into the room to see her sitting on the couch, smiling at a young man who smiles back as he holds her hands. The man is wearing a black uniform; his cap with the little silver skull sits on the table. Von Staden blinks. And instantly, the numbness disappears--rage--pure, consuming, white-hot rage--taking its place. He doesn't imagine the stick slamming down across his shoulders, the automatic ja bitte danke apologies Mein Herr--he imagines wrapping his hands around the officer's neck and squeezing until his eyes go dead. He has to step away from the parlor before he can act, though when he gets back to his room he breaks all of the glass objects on a table and then upends the table itself for good measure--smashes the vanity mirror with his bare hands--then makes himself sit down to take some breaths (after rending apart the pillows that had been on the chair previously), though his fingers dig into his palms hard enough to draw blood and his whole body thrums like a live wire. He thinks about looking for his gun.
Constanze arrives shortly after: "Adalard? I heard glass..." She trails off and stares at the state of his room. "What..." Then looks at him and sees the expression on his face. "Adalard...?" She takes a step toward him, seems hesitant. "What is it? What happened?"
Von Staden: "That man you were with."
Constanze: "Man--?"
Von Staden: "In the parlor. That SS man."
Constanze: "You saw that?"
Von Staden: "How long have you been seeing him?"
Constanze: "That's rather a private matter."
Von Staden: "You bring him in this house, it's not so private anymore."
Constanze: "I wouldn't ask you about it if you brought someone home."
Von Staden: *losing his temper, hissing furiously & clenching his fists* "Do you see me ever bringing anyone home--?" *takes a breath* "I'm never going to bring someone home. Never going to sit and laugh and hold hands and start a family. They took that from me. Do Mutter and Vater know--?"
Constanze: *hesitates* "What does it matter what they know? It's my choice who I see, not theirs."
Von Staden: "'Choice.'" *they stare at each other* "Good to know he lets you have one." *stands up* "I'd like you to go now. While I still have the choice to ask you."
Constanze: "Adalard..."
Von Staden: "Go on. Go away. Bitte."
Constanze: "He isn't one of them, from the camp. He hasn't done anything to you--"
Von Staden: *clenching fists & yelling* "THEY'RE EVEN WORSE! The guards are bad enough but you know what to expect! At least they come at you with clubs! With guns! THESE ones--" *points toward parlor* "THESE ones are the ones who truly ruin lives! Sitting behind desks! Never firing a gun! A rubber stamp and a pen! A rubber stamp and a pen send far more people to the gas than a stick or a gun does. A signature on a paper and a chimney is full of smoke. He doesn't even have to fire one bullet. No trial. Doesn't even need to look his victim in the eye. Sign and stamp. Train. Gas. Oven. Ash. A colored badge only if you're lucky--a slower death. Go ahead...ask him how many lives he's ruined, how many he's killed, sitting behind a desk. Should make for good conversation."
*long silence*
Constanze: *quietly* "You saw all this...?"
Von Staden: "It used to be I did not have to see for you to believe me. But go ahead. Believe what you like. And leave me alone, bitte. We have nothing more to say to each other."
He turns his back, so Constanze leaves. He'd been starting to trust her--he has no one else to talk to, he feels his parents won't understand--but that's shattered in an instant. And the numb haze is gone with it. He no longer drifts aimlessly about the house and stares off into space; he seethes with fury, pacing the halls in a futile effort to burn it off, doing everything he can not to destroy anything he comes across. He doesn't talk to Constanze anymore, except a terse word or two as necessary at the table; their parents are perplexed, sensing the tension simmering between them, yet say nothing about it. He has thoughts of what he'll do if and when he's allowed back into active service; he has dark thoughts, treasonous thoughts, of strafing Allgemeine-SS headquarters rather than engaging in dogfights. Then again, part of him reasons, he's already been punished for being a traitor...why not follow through with the actual crime?
He has no intentions of acting on such thoughts, though they help soothe his spite a little bit. It always flares up again the moment he sees Constanze, who keeps hinting she wants to talk to him, though he does a good job of leaving the room and keeping separate from her. Frau von Staden tries a couple of times to get them to talk but he declines. Oddly, he never sees the SS officer again, though he figures this is just Constanze's effort to get on his good side. He's allowed back to work, though spends most of his time behind a desk--even though he knows now exactly what kind of havoc can be wrought from such a position, he behaves himself. He tracks down and goes to visit Vischer, the man whose actions ended up getting him out of the camp, so he can thank him; there he also meets Captain Altermann, who acted on Vischer's request to free him. He can tell Vischer understands, even if only somewhat, what he's going through, and asks if the anger ever goes away; Vischer replies that it might always be with him, but now he has a choice how to act on it: "They can't take that away from you anymore." On his way out, Altermann asks for a word in private. Von Staden had mentioned that he felt like he owed them a debt; if he means it, then Altermann could use a favor: "I don't have anything in mind just yet, but there might come a time when I need your help." Von Staden readily promises his assistance, any assistance, whenever he should require it; his gratitude to them is such that he doesn't ask any questions. Whatever it is, he'll do it.
Constanze finally attempts to confront her brother one day; he tries to avoid her, not liking to think of what he might do if he gets angry enough, but she follows him to his room. They argue briefly, von Staden again bringing up the SS man, Constanze again seeming to defend him, and again von Staden insists he's as much a part of the problem as any camp guard--"You don't understand, you'll never understand, what that was like, to be punished for something you never did. Or to be punished for absolutely nothing at all!" For, as much as his red badge chafed him...at least it was a charge that made sense. He never really understood why a Jew needed a yellow star or a Zigeuner needed a black triangle when all they'd done was exist. He hasn't consumed all the propaganda the Party puts out, so it never occurred to him to think about it too much, one way or the other; his time in the camp gave him a good look at things. Even with his status as a traitor, he was never treated quite as poorly as the non-Aryans, and he got to see exactly what they were put through, and who most often was sent to the room with the fake showers. Fuming, he turns his back on Constanze--"I thought once that we knew each other, I guess it took being in that hellhole to prove me wrong--now go away--I don't have anything else to say to you"--and retreats to his bed, lying down facing away from her. The room is silent for a moment before he hears footsteps then hears the bed creak--Constanze lies down on the other side of the bed behind him. Von Staden clenches his fists and grinds his teeth hard enough to hurt.
Constanze: *long silence* *quietly* "I don't love him."
Von Staden: *halfhearted snort*
*long silence*
Constanze: "...I hate him, and his, for what they did to you."
Von Staden: *furrows brow* *pauses, then pushes himself up & turns to look at Constanze, who does the same* "What are you talking about...?"
Constanze: "They told us you were still missing. When they came to question us, about your loyalty, about our loyalty to the Reich. They never told us they'd found you. I knew they were lying about something. Knew they wouldn't be asking those questions unless they knew where you were." *pause; swallows, lowers voice* "I didn't know where you were. If I had, I would've yelled it from the rooftops, to get you out of there. But even I didn't think they'd go that far, do something like that to someone like you."
Von Staden: *pause; quieter* "What do you mean?"
Constanze: *moves closer; nearly whispering* "Almost everyone's heard the rumors about those places, what really goes on. Mama knows, but doesn't want to believe. Papa believes, but doesn't want to know. You, you confirmed it. The last time we talked."
Von Staden: "Confirmed what?"
Constanze: "The stories they tell. The trains, the gas, the chimneys. Tell me, were there shower rooms...? Shower rooms that weren't shower rooms. Were there men who carried away the dead and then they disappeared, too...?"
Von Staden: *long silence* *whispering* "How do you know about that...?"
Constanze: "You confirmed all the rest, this is true too, ja? So you've seen it. They tried to make it seem like it's not so bad and like whoever is there, deserves to be there. Yet you! You never deserved to be there, not even by their laws, and that's why they're trying so hard to pretend like it never happened. They're not investigating how you ended up there, they're trying to cover it up. Because they have excuses for everything else but not for this. You, you were there, you know you did nothing to deserve it, and I can tell you know nobody else there deserved it, either. Ja...? I'm right...?"
Von Staden: *silence*
Constanze: "I can tell from the look on your face that I'm right. Before this you didn't have an ounce of hate in your heart. You don't have any for them. You know they belong there just as little as you do." *pause* "I wanted to get information. Information on you at first, though after you came back, still, information on what's happening in those places. I didn't know how. I didn't have any connections, I don't know who I can trust. I thought, maybe if I can get one of them to like me. It's not such a big price to smile and flirt a little, if it helps me find you and helps me find out what's going on."
Von Staden: *blinks* "What--?" *under his breath* "What are you thinking--?? Are you mad? Information? Flirting! You have no idea what these people are capable of--!"
Constanze: "I have EVERY idea! They took you away! When all you did was serve the Fatherland like you promised!"
Von Staden: "This wasn't your place to do! What if they'd suspected? You could have put Mutter and Vater in danger as well as yourself!"
Constanze: "Stop acting like I'm a baby! I'm older than you! You honestly think I don't know how to look after myself--? No one else was doing anything. I thought you MIGHT be a little more grateful!"
Von Staden: "Not if you end up getting yourself caught or killed!"
Constanze: *scoffing* "Bitte! It's not even like I'm all on my own! I have connections now too, you know!"
Von Staden: *confused* "What...?"
The two of them huddling head to head like they once did as children, Constanze finally tells him: She's working with the resistance. They started watching her shortly after she first smiled and batted her eyes at an SS officer and he responded--though she had no idea at first. It was only after they'd parted ways one afternoon at an outdoor cafe and she'd retreated to an alley to smoke a cigarette--hands shaking so much she couldn't strike a match--that they'd tipped her off. She'd jumped a little when somebody offered a lighter--she blinked at the woman holding it out to her, stylish and sophisticated and definitely a product of the city rather than the country. She even wore makeup, something frowned upon by the Reich. Constanze held out her cigarette to let the woman light it for her and took a long drag before the woman said, "Looks like you couldn't bear another moment in his company, Liebe." "That obvious?" Constanze muttered, to which the woman had snapped the lighter shut, paused briefly, then said, "If you insist on going through with this foolishness, perhaps I could give you a few tips, for your brother's sake. That is why you're doing this, ja...?"
The woman works for the Diamond Network, a resistance movement that the SS has declared a terrorist organization. Von Staden has dimly heard of them, but never paid much attention. They've been interested in him, though. While the SS was busy covering things up, the Network was busy trying to dig things up; they know von Staden was briefly in Trench Rat hands before disappearing. Now, here was the SS showing inordinate interest in his family. They'd suspected that von Staden had been found and taken into custody and something about this had triggered an investigation. Like the SS, they have ways to find personal information that the average citizen has no access to, and everything they found pointed toward von Staden being a loyal German citizen. Suspecting a smear campaign and coverup was in progress, they began spying on the von Stadens themselves. Constanze's sudden interest in dating an SS man raised a flag that she was trying to gather information as well; after seeing her obvious distaste, the Network operative currently watching her decided to make a move. Constanze has been effectively recruited by the resistance, and now that von Staden is back home--and very plainly pissed off by his experience--she wants to recruit him, too.
Von Staden is shocked and dismayed to learn of his sister's actions; he worries that she'll end up imprisoned "Or worse," and doesn't think such work is the place of a woman; and even though Constanze retorts that she can handle herself just fine, still, the situation doesn't sit quite right with him. Despite his horrible mistreatment, he still feels loyalty to the Wehrmacht and the Reich; it's the Nazi Party, and the SS specifically, that has sparked his ire. They're all hopelessly intertwined, and while he thinks nothing of messing with the Schutzstaffel, he really doesn't wish to be a traitor or to be removed from his beloved Luftwaffe. Result, it takes a lot of coaxing and convincing on Constanze's part to turn him, and even then he's terribly reluctant to commit. He doesn't want to do anything that directly conflicts with his military duties, or that could endanger his fellow soldiers and airmen. Constanze suggests that, rather than actively fight, he be a messenger or courier. He already has the perfect means to assist them: His airplane. Von Staden is still hesitant, but Constanze slowly brings him around; as a simple go-between, his actions won't directly endanger anyone else, he has no reason to directly interact with the enemy, and although under German law it's still considered treason, "They already consider you a traitor, and they've already punished you for it," she says; "how much worse is this? And remember all those others who never once betrayed our country, who are still in there, and have nobody to fight for them to be freed. If you could help them, would you...? Remember how you felt, waking up every morning with that red badge on your chest, going to sleep with it at night. How easy it was to earn it and how hard to have it removed."
And there, that appeal to von Staden's fury--all that seething, bottomless rage without an outlet--that's what turns him. He accepts his first mission, delivering medical supplies to a group of partisans located in the countryside; he buzzes the treeline in his plane, ejecting several boxes with small parachutes attached, then heads back to his regular route. It takes mere moments, yet he has to take a few deep breaths to steady his rattled nerves as he flies back; he knows all the tricks, how to evade detection and make up for lost time, but his heart is pounding and his throat is dry anyway. He goes about the rest of his duties without a peep. The partisans, meanwhile, are beyond confused at first, for a fighter plane to buzz them before dropping what looks like cargo and then flying away; they cautiously approach the nearest box, gingerly poking at it with their guns, putting their ears to it to listen for any suspicious noises, before finally prying it open. And exclaim with surprise at the contents--bandages, plasters, stitches, antibiotics, alcohol, medicines, vitamins, ointments--they hurry to track down the other boxes (one needs to be pulled down from a tree) and find even more supplies. They'd been informed they would soon get a delivery; they had no idea the Luftwaffe would be bringing it.
It's a few days before the word gets to Constanze of the successful delivery, and she lets von Staden know by giving him a big hug when he returns home for the day; "What is it--?" he exclaims, to which she excitedly replies, "You did it! It got through. I told you you could handle it. You've done excellently, kleiner Bruder!" Von Staden has to sit and have a stiff drink; he'd been wound up the entire time, not knowing if the mission had succeeded, and now that he knows it did, he really needs a rest. "I'm not sure about this," he mumbles, feeling nauseated; Constanze rubs his shoulder and reassures him that he always has the option to back out--"It's your choice, I won't ever hold it against you"--yet she also throws in a small mention of the SS, and sees von Staden's eyes darken and his fingers curl. He swallows down his nausea. A couple of days later he again buzzes partisan territory, this time to drop a parcel of personal communications. They learn to identify his plane so they don't accidentally shoot it down, though they do take a few shots to make things look less suspicious to any observers.
So this is the state of affairs that continues throughout the war: The Diamond Network hands over the necessary items for transport to Constanze, Constanze passes these and the mission info along to her brother, and von Staden delivers the items via an airdrop. After a few missions he instructs his sister to keep him in the dark regarding what exactly he's delivering--"The time and the place is all I need to know." Constanze knows that in the event of him needing to deliver weapons, he'd rather not be involved; so being ignorant of what he's dropping off means the possibility of running more missions. They space out the deliveries and the times to coincide with times and locations when he's expected to be in flight--he never takes his plane out unplanned--so nobody ever thinks to question why he was there or what he was doing. He's skilled at making quick detours when needed, dropping off, and returning to his route with minimal disruption, and the Luftwaffe accepts whatever excuses he comes up with when needed. "Go figure," he grouses to Constanze after she brings him a drink one evening (von Staden's never been a big drinker, yet needs one to settle his rattled nerves after every mission), "when I'd done absolutely nothing they put me in a camp, yet when I'm running enemy missions right under their noses they don't even say a peep!" He never gets comfortable with the thought of what he's doing--it always feels wrong to act subversively against the government--yet his fury toward the SS overrides his unease, and Constanze's encouragement, including rare news about the ways in which his actions may have aided their other victims, keeps him going.
One day, von Staden receives a telephone call at home--it's Captain Altermann, the Wehrmacht official who, along with Vischer, helped launch the investigation that got him out of the camp. "I'm heading out to Herr Vischer's place," he says in a subdued yet urgent tone, "and I have reason to believe we're going to be dealing with some disagreeable Party members." "SS...?" von Staden asks; "Nein, not SS," Altermann clarifies, "which is why I'm a bit reluctant to ask for your help...yet I'm pretty sure they're with the Party else they wouldn't be interested in us. I'm not sure what they plan to do, but Herr Vischer's out there on his own. You said you felt you owe us a debt...? You don't have to come, and I won't hold it over your head. But if you're on board, I could really use an extra hand right now." Von Staden promises to meet him at Vischer's house, though it'll take him a bit to get there; "Drive as fast as you can," Altermann urges, "and don't even bother to knock!--just let yourself in!" Von Staden wishes he could inform Constanze of where he's headed, yet she's gone at the moment, presumably communicating with the Network--the Allies are said to be close to the city, and order is rapidly breaking down, even way out here in the countryside--so he jots down a quick note to her and his parents, grabs his pistol, hurries out to the car, and speeds off.
What happens next is covered here.
Von Staden chafes at the thought of being taken into custody again, yet the situation has obviously taken a turn--Altermann mentions how the SS has attempted to implement martial law in the city, with mixed results, as word reached them of the Allies' approach. Nobody is sure WHICH Allies--it could be the Americans, though the Red Army is more likely--and Altermann and von Staden don't like the thought of what could happen if they fall into Soviet hands. The Trench Rats promise their protection, and Vischer trusts them, so the other two go along. Altermann is badly wounded and requires medical care; von Staden, suffering only minor injuries, accompanies him. Feeling rather listless and extraneous, and wishing to distract himself from his worries about Constanze, he gestures at the nurse and summons up what limited English he knows: "Have medical...training? Ein bisschen...small medical training. Ich würde gerne helfen...helfen...help? Would like to help. Bitte." The nurse, obviously frazzled, admits they could use the assistance; she uncuffs von Staden from his bed and says, "Scrub in...you know what that means, yes...?" "'Scrub in,'" von Staden echoes; then, "Ja," and he hurries to the sinks. He spends the rest of the evening helping Nurse Skye tend to the various injured Rats and partisans who pass through the ward; it's hectic, bloody work, yet he handles it like a pro, without complaint, and the process moves along much quicker than it otherwise would.
Not long after, a Trench Rat enters and asks his name; upon being told, he says another von Staden, a young woman, has been taken into custody along with a group of resistance members; "Constanze--?" von Staden exclaims; "May see?--bitte?--is Schwester. Ich vermisse sie so sehr!" Constanze is accordingly brought to the medical ward where brother and sister throw their arms around each other and kiss each other's forehead, exclaiming aloud. ("This is the one with the plane--?" another resistance member who's been brought in to have his wounds tended to asks one of the Rats; "Ein Verrückter! You never saw such a thing.") Constanze explains how she had to take shelter with the others as it was too unsafe to head out on her own; they were found by the Trench Rats and brought to Headquarters to make sure no Nazis were hiding among them. "This man then comes and says, 'Your name is von Staden? I believe we have a von Staden here already, in the medical ward.' I was so afraid! Afraid you were hurt, or worse! And it turns out you're helping stitch up everyone else's wounds--of course!" Von Staden rebukes her for endangering herself by taking shelter with the resistance, to which she retorts, "Take a look at you, you're a prisoner of war! Again!" Which he really can't deny. She unfortunately has no idea where their parents are; they'd been in the city, and now they're missing: "We're going to have to find them." "We have each other till then," von Staden says, and though the Rats cuff him back to his bed ("It's not so bad," he reassures his sister when she bristles at this), Constanze is allowed to stay with him, while Altermann and Vischer doze nearby.
They remain with the Rats for a while; von Staden eventually has his cuff removed, once more details are provided regarding his role in Vischer ending up among them (Vischer had aided the Trench Rats himself), and when it becomes clear he won't be returning to the Luftwaffe. The von Stadens and Altermann listen as the new Trench Rat sergeant, Gold, fills them in on the situation (Altermann translating for the other two): "The Reich has fallen," Altermann says, subdued; "the city is under Allied control and der Führer has taken his own life. Soon there will be no Wehrmacht for us to return to." He asks Gold about the von Stadens' parents, but Gold has no answers; he does provide a detail that seems to give Altermann a bit of hope, and he turns to the other two. "He says it was the Americans who took the city--Gott sei Dank! I dread to think if it had been the Red Army. Your parents stand a chance, at least. Hold up your heads and hold hope you'll find them well, I'll hope along with you."
American military officials arrive to question Altermann and von Staden. Constanze again flares with indignation--"My brother is not a Nazi!"--but oddly, for once he's the one to try to calm her down: "They're doing their job, better to ask me some questions than to let a criminal go. I can handle it, I've handled worse." Frankly, by now he's just exhausted and is running on fumes again. The army officials don't trust Altermann to do the translation, so someone else is brought over to handle it: Doomsday Rat. Von Staden perks up a little on seeing him again, though he refrains from pestering him with questions. D-Day translates the military official's questions and von Staden's answers; it soon becomes clear they're concerned about his loyalty to the Reich. Von Staden tries hard to hold his temper as he replies, "I am and will always be devoted to the Fatherland, mein Heimatland, until the day I die. As for the Nazis, I spit on them. The two are not the same. I don't know how I can explain to an American." "I understand Heimatland," D-Day says, "I'll explain," and he does so. The military officials seem skeptical, yet some further comments from him, Altermann and Vischer, and others in the hospital ward soon appear to convince them that the von Stadens have no direct ties to the Nazis. The resistance member who had called von Staden a madman appeals to them especially, describing how he'd delivered supplies with his fighter plane. "That was this guy...?" the official asks D-Day; turns out stories about von Staden's exploits had even reached past enemy lines. They tell the von Stadens not to go far for the time being, but they're effectively cleared and free to leave. Von Staden offers his hand to D-Day.
Von Staden: "You've been far more civil to me than is warranted, Herr Doomsday. Danke sehr."
D-Day: *shakes his hand* "Just D-Day, please."
Von Staden: *slowly, with an American pronunciation* "'Dee Day.' This has a meaning...? Personally?"
D-Day: "Not so much a personal meaning, no. I just prefer it over Doomsday."
Von Staden: "Do you mind me asking why...?"
D-Day: *pause* "Doomsday's the name of something that hurt countless people. People who didn't deserve such pain. I'll always be connected to it, but I'd like to keep as much distance as I can." *pause* "I'm not sure if I can explain it properly."
Von Staden: "Nein...you've explained it perfectly. I apologize, Herr D-Day."
Altermann and Vischer wish the von Stadens farewell--"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine," Altermann reassures them, though von Staden makes sure to appeal to the Americans on his behalf--and the two head back home. They wander the empty house (all the staff have been dismissed) disconsolately. "I hope they're all right," Constanze murmurs, "wherever they are." "We should try to stay in touch with those Rats," von Staden muses, "in case they find anything out." He disappears upstairs for a while--Constanze can hear him banging around in the attic--before bringing something back downstairs: A portable radiotelegraph machine. "Maybe this will be more useful than a telephone," he suggests as he checks it over and then sets about getting it up and working. Constanze is skeptical, especially when no one answers the first tentative messages he sends out, yet leaves him to it as she prepares them something to eat. They sit in the dim parlor and eat their simple dinner in silence, contemplating this strange new world they've been thrust into.
After a few days of sending messages, von Staden receives a reply. Constanze hovers nearby as he hurriedly transcribes. Someone claiming to be a former member of the Wehrmacht tells him that many German citizens from the city have been detained by the Allied forces to try to root out any Nazis--apparently, some members of the SS tried to escape detection by blending in with the local population. The von Stadens were almost certainly caught up in the sweep, as the person on the other end says he heard von Staden's earlier messages and checked with what sources he could get to respond; it's not 100% certain if they're still there, but he's fairly certain someone with that name was listed among the detainees. If they can get into the city, they might find their parents. Von Staden asks the name of who he's corresponding with and is told simply ADEL. Adel, whoever he is, wishes him luck.
Von Staden and Constanze head to the city. They're faced with multiple questions, checkpoints, and language barriers; von Staden repeats his name and "Mutter" and "Vater" multiple times in hopes of being understood. The Americans finally seem to get the point, but as an interpreter tells it when he arrives, they aren't sure that they can help; they can't confirm von Staden's identity, and the two of them forgot to bring their papers. Frustrated, von Staden starts to lose his temper and argue with them as Constanze tries to convince him to calm down and they'll just return home to fetch their IDs; "It took us over an hour to get here!" von Staden fumes, "After everything else I'm hardly leaving without even finding out if they're here or not!" His ire just grows and the situation starts looking ugly until somebody passes a message to the interpreter, who passes it on to the officer von Staden is arguing with. He nods, and the messenger departs. The interpreter tells von Staden that somebody showed up to vouch for him. Confused, von Staden asks who; someone named Herr Adel, the interpreter replies. "He knows you...?" Constanze asks; "I don't know how, I've never met any Herr Adel aside from on the radio!" von Staden replies, bewildered.
The messenger returns with Herr Adel and von Staden blinks, for he DOES know him after all--it's Ratdog, the sniper who confronted him in the woods after his escape from the Trench Rats so long ago. His real name is Adel and he's a Junker, same as von Staden. "Figured they might give you trouble," he says when von Staden asks why he's there, "nobody knows who anybody is right now." He himself is relatively well known, as he'd aided the Trench Rats himself toward the end, and has offered his assistance getting people in touch with each other. He confirms von Staden's identity, confirms that he's been cleared of Nazi ties, and gets them in to find their parents. Herr and Frau von Staden are being kept in a cell with some others; Frau von Staden jumps to her feet--"Constanze! My Constanze!"--and hugs Constanze through the bars when she appears, crying, "Mama--! Papa!" Herr von Staden joins them before Frau von Staden exclaims, "Adalard--!" and reaches her arms out to her son, who's standing back. "Mutter...?" he murmurs, hesitantly stepping forward; she grips his arm and pulls him close. "Vater," he says, and a moment later all four of them are embracing and crying.
There's a bit of hassle trying to get the Americans to release the von Stadens--von Staden refuses to leave and insists he'll stay outside the cell as long as he has to, memories of his own imprisonment making him obstinate--it takes Herr Adel losing his own temper and taking it out on the officer to convince them to let the von Stadens out. By this point the Americans are just glad to be rid of them. Von Staden thanks Herr Adel profusely for his help; "Try to stay out of trouble," Adel says, "I can't always be waiting by my radio to bail you out," and the von Staden family finally heads back home.
They remain for a while, though things are subtly different. The news comes that the territory they live in will be turned over to the Soviet Union; although they have enough connections that they're likely to remain safe, still, "I'm not sure we should take the risk," Herr von Staden explains, having called them all together to discuss the situation. He admits that he's been stashing away foreign money--he started doing so following von Staden's release from the camp: "I knew they were lying to us about something. If they could do that to you, they could do it to anyone. I figured it would be best to plan as if they'll come for the rest of us any day." He leads them into the cellar, digs out a box, and shows them the money. Constanze and von Staden gape. Frau von Staden says sheepishly, "I suppose this is as good a time as ever," and she goes to another part of the cellar and digs out an envelope--within are some foreign bills. The siblings both exclaim in surprise at what their parents have been up to. Herr von Staden says he's been asking around and is pretty sure he'll be able to secure them a residence in the west of Germany, should they head out soon; they'll be guaranteed safe passage. He feels they'll be safer there rather than dealing with the Soviets, who've dealt quite harshly so far with the German citizens they've encountered. He doesn't want to take them away from there, however, without making sure they're all on the same page--that means especially von Staden.
Herr von Staden: "I know you feel safest here, at home, and I wouldn't take that away from you. If you want to stay, then we can stay. The one thing is I doubt they'll take you back into the army, should they rebuild it. You'll have the option to serve again in the west, it's only that the west isn't our home. I leave the choice to you."
Von Staden: *pause* "Honestly...I'm tired. I don't think there's a place for me anymore in the military. I just want us all to be safe. We can do that in the west."
Frau von Staden: "Are you sure, Adalard? We'll have to leave behind our home and start over."
Von Staden: "I'm used to starting over. As long as we're in Germany, we're home."
The von Stadens settle it; they'll pack up their most important belongings, and travel west. Von Staden makes sure to let Vischer know he'd like to remain in touch--the older veteran has helped him immensely in dealing with his anger--before telling him, Altermann, and the Trench Rats goodbye. He does hesitate briefly when the train arrives at the station, though Constanze takes his hand, and he takes a breath. The family boards and they take their seats; von Staden peers out the window as the train slowly pulls ahead, and watches as his old life is again left behind. After a while, his hand still tightly clasped in Constanze's, he falls asleep.
[Adalard von Staden 2023 [‎Friday, ‎September ‎15, ‎2023, ‏‎3:00:11 AM]]
[Adalard von Staden 2023 2 [‎Friday, ‎September ‎15, ‎2023, ‏‎3:00:24 AM]]
[Adalard von Staden 2023 3 [‎Friday, ‎September ‎15, ‎2023, ‏‎3:00:37 AM]]
1 note · View note
thedarkmistress16 · 9 months
Text
Because of the oc ask, I figured I'd give you a comprehensive list of the typical things I do for writing inspiration, how I usually write things, and what goes through my brain as I write and develop ideas and characters. Feel free to pass around and jump in.
I'll usually always want to find a pic but mainly a gif of the character I'm writing about for both headcanons and actual stories for inspiration as I work, like visualizing their expressions morph to the scene I'm thinking of (the gif helps with this immensely). In other words, jumping off the canon page into my own vision. Two gifs if I can help it at the most-one for the beginning of the piece and one for the end, with different expressions portraying the fic's progression, but exuding a tone I'm going for in the piece itself (as an example, my yan!ts blurb was written before I thought of the gif placed at the end of it, which conveys an expression/similar action I visualized during the story, compared to the other yan!ts blurb that was inspired by the gif itself and was placed before the writing itself.).
Some of you may already know I used Sims 4 CAS for my OC reveal in one ask, and it was a lot of fun to do then since that game can have some stellar cc content (praise to all modders). But I also like playing dress-up/avatar creator games online for existing fictional characters or OCs to see how many details I can get accurate to the source material or my own concept; and, again, done in various art styles so win for variety. Really aids me in adding more or different details to my characters (yes, this is also an endorsement for Ambition's Dream Girlfriend and YES, you should play it. You legit get so many MR outfits for free in events and the gacha it's INSANE.).
Transcribing hand-written words to digital ones is something I'm recently trying again and is actually very helpful for my writing process. I'm the type of writer that tries to make every sentence perfect as I go along digitally, like writing and revising constantly, and I usually don't make that much traction in the long run when I have very few ideas or plotlines to begin with. Writing by hand not only makes me think more meticulously about exactly what I'm writing and how to word it, but also the bigger picture in general. I'm also less afraid to make mistakes on paper because when I go to transcribe it, I get lost in the scene again and end up adding more details I haven't thought of before due to already having the mental building blocks down. It's similar to physically stepping away from your work and literally seeing it in a new light- or format- in this case. Also, handwriting, while slow and tiring, is very therapeutic on the soul for me especially when I've stared at a screen for too long.
I go back and re-read my work ALL. THE. TIME. Sometimes it yields ideas, sometimes I edit one word or add another and close it. Other times, I have nothing to add. But most of the time, I pretend I'm pitching it to other people as I read through it. Helps me pick out problems within my own writing to re-explain things or expand upon another. It's a cruel mistress on top of a bad habit- I'm either my own hype guy or my own worst critic, usually not accomplishing much of anything in terms of actually writing something.
I can easily stare at a gif or pic or amv for hours and sit there doing nothing but daydreaming, planning out the entire fic in my brain, and then measly writing a plot outline and never returning to it to flesh it out because I forgot most of the details and that I had technically already finished it in my head.
Like any true writer does, I keep all of my ideas no matter how shitty or out of place they are in the current document. I never know when I'll need it for a different scene or if I come up with something else it works much better with contextually. Or, y'know, when you get that fandom brain rot knocking on your door again.
I flip-flop a lot between adding details and taking them away. I initially try to add as many as possible that I think I can get away with without it being too overbearing before condensing it down later when the writing style doesn't justify it. More details help me paint the scene much better like the environment, character relationships, and senses, but including as much as I do on the regular is usually unnecessary. To include that much detail is really only helpful to me when I've been away from the piece for too long.
Most often I'll completely forget what I'm writing about and go off on a completely unrelated tangent that is vaguely connected to whatever I tried to do. Keeping it floating there in blank space as I re-write it again or revising pieces of it usually helps. See #6 for additional results.
In case no one who's seen my blog notices by now, I tend to be quirky when I talk about my writing; usually in a shitpost-esque style, and then the story/narration itself taking the concept either completely seriously or being aware of the batshit insanity of it all and rolling with it (see, uh, my yan!rpf headcanons for an ex. of this utter derailment.).
Of course I throw myself into my own writing situations, OC or no; what kind of self-indulgent writer doesn't? Also, what easier writing perspective you can write about than yourself?
Side note, being addicted to songs and playing them on loop while I happen to write occurs A LOT and isn't necessarily inspiration, but it certainly helps my mood and flow when it comes to writing.
1 note · View note
sugirandom · 1 year
Text
Ranting about Sonic X, a lot of critical stuff so feel free to skip if you like Sonic X XD, I might even go into some personal stuff later so yeah... this was longer than I intended ha ha
So, my best bro and I have been working through watching Sonic X and we’re nearly finished the season 3... Sonic X has frankly been a chore to get through at times...especially season 3
Of all the Sonic cartoons/anime I had the highest expectations for Sonic X because it was (and as far as I know still is) the adaptation that’s closest to the video games in terms of the original Sonic characters, the Japanese version having the original voice cast also helps.
But honestly the need to place Sonic in the ‘human world’ has always been very strange to me because there are humans in Sonic’s world in canon and this seems to be forgotten constantly, with Sonic X being the first offender of this and the live action movies doing their own version of the same thing.
So,there’s that and thanks to that most of season one was dedicated to getting us attached to the human characters, of which some are interesting, but the human lead, Chris, is not...he’s 12 but he acts 10 so I honestly flat out forgot 12 was his canon age. He’s a privlaged rich american kid who acts like he’s all alone despite his maid and butler doing a good job of raising him while his parents are pretty much absent because of their work and when tyhey are around spoil him...so yeah there’s that.
He forms a bond with Sonic and honestly the tone often feels kinda romantic, at least of Chris’ end. I don’t think they intended it that way but I mean...I’d take Sonic 06′s Elise over Chris any day (the one they actually acuse of pushing a relationship with Sonic and a human lol). I guess I’ll stop my rant about Chris here because there’s more that I wanted to say but... I don’t want this to all be about him...I just want to add one more thing...the end of season 2 ruined any chance Chris had of me liking him...
On ocassin they miss the mark with the actual Sonic characters too, often flanderizing certain aspects of them, for example, with Amy Rose...she has more to her than just loving Sonic obsessively but especially when we get to season 3 it becomes her entire character. I’m not saying the video games are completely innocent of this (see Sonic Heroes) but it’s a bit of a nitpick...
As much as I love Rouge being chaotic neutural by season 3 they seem to abandon any bond she developed with the other characters (except her bond with Shadow, which is great!).
There’s also a huge genre shift, season 3 is it’s own Sci-fi story with aliens they completely made up and a saving the galaxy from these aliens who are stealing the life force of other planets...for reasons (the main villain hasn’t revealed why at the point we’re watching this). I honestly think this idea may have come from another anime that the team working on Sonic X couldn’t get approved or it was a case of “make it Sonic” XD
Ironically I’ve had an idea forever for a Sonic fanfic...series that I have yet to write involving aliens but mine are humanoid and their focus is just on Earth so it really made me question why we were all longing to have Sonic fight aliens so badly lol
If you guys want to hear me rant more about Sonic X let me know. If I feel really brave I might share some of my story ideas too but...for now... I’ll list a few things I like about Sonic X so I don’t sound like a complete jerk.
Quick list of some positive points: Eggman’s characterization is, for the most part, interesting and close to the video games so I do like that, he’s evil but he has his moments where he’s more complex. 
Some of the supporting human characters are interesting but the plot doesn’t always know what to do with them
Sonic is hilarious and entertaining, I like the Engrish he uses, very memeable but not cringe and genuinely fun (applies to the Japanese version only obviously)
Some filler episodes did have good plot ideas (not all but a few)
The designs of the Sonic characters were done well
Shadow is badass but honestly for the most part you have to be trying to mess Shadow up. 
That’s all I can think of for now and I’m tired of typing but I wanted to get this off my chest!
0 notes
birdingandreading · 1 year
Text
Review: All Good People Here
Tumblr media
All Good People Here by Ashley Flowers
Synopsis: Margot returns to her very small, rural hometown when her uncle's health deteriorates. During this homecoming, a little girl's disappearance brings back memories from her childhood friend January Jacobs' murder 20 years ago. Could this new disappearance be connected? What happened to January all those years ago?
Rating: ☆☆ / 5
One word to describe this book: Ridiculous
Would I recommend it? No.
Alternative recommendations: Sally Hepworth, Lisa Jewell, Lucy Foley, Ruth Ware, Rachel Hawkins, Tana French, and Agatha Christie (to name a few.) If you want to read a book loosely inspired by a real case: These Violent Delights by Micah Nemerever is fantastic.
The good (+): The plot was cohesive, and you could follow the threads through the time and perspective changes. The voices were distinct enough between characters and I appreciated that there was no rushed or forced romance thrown in.
Critique (-):
Spoiler-free section:
My initial feelings upon finishing were: this book is ridiculous and "I can't believe I listened to a JonBenet Ramsey fanfic." Going into it, I did not know who Ashley Flowers was or the JonBenet aspect of the book.
Usually, when you read a thriller/mystery book you have one or two red herrings, right? Like you're reading along and you're thinking, "this is too good to be true" or "something doesn't quite add up." Well, in this book, you have a ridiculous number. The book does not let you sit with them and actually think for yourself about whether things fit (which if you do think about it, they do not.)
For example, the main character, Margot, will believe 100% with her heart and soul that person A did it. She has talked herself into it, is making all the evidence fit and is trying to tie this new disappearance to her theory. Then she will have one single conversation with someone and do a complete 180 to believing that now Person B is certainly a murderer! No reflection on what led her to believe that Person A was her 'guy' so to speak. Now imagine this process happening many, many times. I was cackling by the end of the book every time she just changed her theory on almost a whim. I feel like the most enjoyable thriller/mystery books let you sit with a kind of uncomfortable, seeping recognition of something that the main character has yet to realize.
Oh, she sees that someone has a copy of Lolita and is like "that is such a gross book omg. Only the sickest mind would read that book." Uh ok lol.
Another key element throughout the book is Luke, Margot's uncle, and his recent diagnosis of Alzheimer's. I don't think that the book ever outright states that he has Alzheimer's, but that is the impression that we are supposed to get. I did not particularly enjoy the depiction of that disease in this book. It's unusual for someone so young to develop it and there wasn't much attention paid to that fact other than to lament it (unlike say, in Sally Hepworth's The Younger Wife.) I don't think that it needed to be a huge plot point, but maybe a mention of a family history would have helped make it seem like less of a plot device especially later in the book. The depiction itself just seemed like a caricature of someone with Alzheimer's or like if you wrote a character based on watching TV with a character that's supposed to have dementia. The severity of his dementia is very plot dependent, which is convenient. Given his symptoms, I would be more willing to forgive it if he'd been diagnosed many years before (which would be all the more ridiculous given his age.)
There's a small subplot where Margot gets fired from her publisher because her writing was so subpar and inconsistent. She decides to write about the new case in her hometown and tie it to January's case. She ends up writing this new piece that is just so good that her boss not only re-hires her, but is like "yeah, sure negotiate a higher pay. that piece was so great we think it'll go viral." Another part of the book that made me laugh, and not because it was just that funny.
***
Spoilers:
At least six suspects! Really? She even seriously suspects her uncle at one point with almost no compunctions.
The vast majority of the book spends its time on the theory that "a stranger came into town and killed January", which is laughable. Margot never seems to really question or critically think about this town theory other than to briefly mention it or fully believe it.
Also, with all of the people she suspects it is absolutely ridiculous that she doesn't even give the husband a second thought. It's always the husband!
The new piece she ends up writing makes a 'convincing' case about the wrong guy lmao. Wonder if she got that raise.
1 note · View note
lilacnothlit · 3 years
Note
Can you elaborate on “every part of Animorphs that isn’t Tolkein is Star Trek?”
Someone help what I'm missing. But Applegate is a massive Tolkein fan and Grant is a massive Star Trek fan, from what we gather. I can't speak for the plots, but a ton of the themes (prime directives, war is hell, etc.) echo themes therein, and there's a bunch of other echoes in the worldbuilding.
*Applegate filled the world with Tolkein references, to the point where I now assume all Andalites just speak Quenya. "Alloran?" Gandalf's original name among the Valinor was Olórin. "Elfangor?" "Ala" means good, and Treebeard's original name, like his forest, was Fangorn. "Esgarrouth?" The original name of Lake Town was Esgaroth. "Yeerk?" The Sindarin for Orc is "Yrch."
"Berenson?" Beren was literally Tolkein's Gary Stu. It's written on his gravestone. I threw my phone across the room when I realized that one all on my own, I haven't seen anyone mention it (probably because no one read the Silmarillion).
Even worse, remember how in the first pitch of the series, the Andalites were tall glowy elves? (Frankly, a lot of Andalite culture still echoes the Tolkein elves.) That would be bad enough, if "Andalië" wasn't literally Quenya for "The Tall Ones."
*Applegate wrote both the books in which Animorphs Sauron is introduced.
*Grant was apparently the one who suggested the series have aliens in the first place.
*The two male characters Grant wrote appear to have become best friends over Star Trek talk. Tobias even has a Star Trek calendar in the only description we get of his human bedroom.
*Grant was the author of the books in which The Ellimist and the Drode were introduced, almost certainly thinking of Q.
*Elfangor basically switches from Frodo to Captain Kirk when Grant takes over writing him in the Chronicles. Tell me you don't see it.
*Grant has almost certainly confirmed someplace that he wrote book 32 in the first place because he wanted to do the Spock With A Beard episode.
Stylistically, Grant very likely wrote the chunk of Visser where Edriss mistakes Star Trek for real life.
*After they wrote solo books, Grant filled his with Star Trek vibes, and Applegate creates Nedarra. Someone who's an actual Tolkein nerd could probably write a better thesis than I on it.
There was probably some overlap - Applegate's style is all over the chunk where the kids take Ax to see Star Trek.
Feel free to add your own examples, folks. I'm only a conlanger and I've never delved deeply into either franchise except insofar as the conlangs go.
158 notes · View notes
coffeebeanwriting · 2 years
Text
How to Fix Your Storys Middle
If you’re feeling lost in your 2nd Act, or noticing that things are getting slow, saggy or unraveling, here are some things to consider:
Are you weaving in your subplots? If so, can you thicken them up?
Do you have a love subplot that you’ve been progressing? Are you using it to create tension and drama? Subplots (especially romantic ones) can create juicy conflict and motivation for your characters in the main plot. Add in a training subplot if your protagonist needs to know a certain skill or master a power while on their journey. Add in chaos— an axe murder moves to town, a tormented beast breaks free from their eternal prison, an ex-girlfriend comes back into the picture. Explore other subplots and how they could beef up your middle.
Do your characters have goals? Motivations?
I’m not talking about small goals, but the big ones that completely change your characters as they try to accomplish them. Do they want to defeat the evil villain, or do they have a murder to solve? Are they in search of their soulmate? If you don’t have a clear direction of your characters goals, your 2nd Act can become hard to navigate through. 
Have you teased the Antagonist?
Some bad guys don’t ever meet or face off against the protagonist until the end, and that’s okay as long as you weave them throughout the story. Voldemort is a good example of a villain who is sprinkled throughout the story seamlessly. Add rumors of them, strange flashbacks or visions, their evil grunts doing their dirty work and so on. Make sure to place bits and pieces of your villain throughout the story, otherwise there is no suspenseful build up. 
Do you have a MacGuffin you could add?
An object, item or idea that your characters need to obtain, thus giving them motivation. Some definitions say that the MacGuffin should be insignificant to the characters/audience and only be used to trigger the plot into motion. We don’t necessarily have any emotional ties to the Horcruxes in Harry Potter. Instead, all seven of them serve to solely propel the plot towards Voldemort and it’s end.
George Lucas, creator of Star Wars, believed that the audience should actually care about the MacGuffin as much as they do the characters. In Episode IV, the MacGuffin is the plans/blueprints of The Death Star— a planet-destroying weapon. The characters need to steal the plans before the weapon is built. We don’t want to see planets full of our favorite characters obliterated, therefore this type of MacGuffin pulls on our emotions more than the previous definition.
Could you introduce a twist?
What secrets can you reveal? What surprises can you spring on your characters and the audience? In Harry Potter, we’re caught off guard when Sirius Black is revealed not to be a bad guy, but instead an ally of Harry’s all along. Make sure you’re sprinkling in red herrings and hints along the way so that the reader doesn’t feel totally blind sided, cheated or confused at the sudden change in events.
Instagram: coffeebeanwriting
Tumblr media
📖 ☕ Official Blog: www.zmwrites.com 
1K notes · View notes
fozmeadows · 3 years
Text
race & culture in fandom
For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.
Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.
All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.
Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?
Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.
The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.
Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.
Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.
An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.
But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.
Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  
6K notes · View notes