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zeawesomebirdie · 2 years

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Hey! I took so much time to answer I’m on holidays now :’) feels so weird to have that much free time in may… If you’ve had the appointment by now, I hope it brought good news (or, I suppose, as good as possible in this situation) and if it hasn’t happened yet, I hope it’ll go well. I wish I could help you with that, but at least I’m glad our correspondence is bringing you joy :)

Honestly, there might be a lot of them, but I don’t really do anything with my OCs, they just float in my head lol. Sometimes I draw them or I talk about them, a few have Pinterest boards for how they'd dress or toyhouse pages (I wanted to create TH pages for everyone but I don't have art of most of them so it's not happening anytime soon unfortunately) and one or two are used in other stuff like Cécilia who I used to play in a DnD campaign and is now an NPC in another campaign, but mostly they're just there for me to have silly little fantasies about. Meredith and Cécilia are for general stuff, a lot of projecting, thinking about QPRs and fun flatmate stuff; Alex, Laë and Adrien are for cute romance stuff, sometimes more spicy stuff if I'm in the mood, or soulmate AUs; Ophelia has problems with her parents and adventures with Oswald; Aster is all the dramatic stuff but also boring work things that he gets to be all 'drinking wine in your cool chair at 1am' about; Alex also gets a lot of family bonding and shenanigans since I gave him a big family (it keeps extending... I gave him one more sibling and a few cousins since last time and I'll probably keep adding to it...) The only one I really actually use is Cécilia, because while I don't play her anymore my friend started another campaign in the universe of the one where I played her in, so I’ve given them my opinion of what she would say when they’ve asked. Mostly I create them for the sake of creation, because inventing a little guy and doing whatever you want with them is like playing with dolls or petshops but you decide what they look like hehe.

The 'drawback' with making all of my OCs for daydreaming purposes is I tend to gravitate towards characters in a very - set? period? Like, you know how fandoms tend to have specific moments at which they prefer to write characters, before or after they change a lot, when they're still alive, when they're still talking to another character? Not all fics use this 'ideal state' of characters of course but like, you'll see a lot of Obikin set during the Clone Wars but Ahsoka's still there, or a lot of Johnlock before Sherlock fakes his death in S2, that kind of thing? It's like the characters have a default state? Well mine are all kind of like that, and there's not a lot of story around it. They almost all live in the same world at the same time, so at best they'll have a past where they became who they are now, but they're all a bit stuck. Meredith grew past a lot of her insecurities, Cécilia has a goal of becoming powerful and cool but it's for a very distant future, Laë Alex and Adrien are dating and they're young but they probably won't break up, Alex's sister's kid is going to be a toddler forever, etc. They're all relatively nice and doing okay, because I personally don't daydream about people being mean and suffering, but that makes them a little flat sometimes haha. A bit like we’re seeing them at a set point in the story, but never going forward, only seeing them at the beginning/middle/end of their story but not the rest. Which is why characters for a story sounds so interesting to me! If you put them in a story you need to know where they start and where they end and how they change in the middle, there's a few moments where they're at their 'ideal state' and then they keep going, and that's so cool! Though that must mean you’d be creating them very differently, less ‘what are their vibes’ and more ‘what’s their fatal flaw’

Right right right, the amatonormativity is there and I think it would be a little funny to throw poor Reil in all of that. The conflict between “Jedi don’t form attachments” so being aro is ‘useful’ because that does eliminate a type of attachments, but also still being surrounded by people who date and swoon over crushes and have romances (because personally I’m firmly team ‘attachment is when it’s too extreme, Jedi are allowed to have fun as long as it doesn’t interfere with their duties’ so I imagine romances are a thing, whether they end quickly or they manage to last.) And yesss making characters a bit like you is so so cool!! Tbh I can't believe I first thought about giving Meredith a boyfriend because she's the most self-insert of my OCs! Though even back then I knew that would just be wrong so I didn't and then I realised some stuff about myself haha. I also thought I wasn't aro because I'd like some kind of life partner and romance is fun, which wasn't helpful lol. But yeah I’ve seen the sentiment of ‘I thought being aro/ace was hating/being completely oblivious to all that stuff and I was okay with it/got it fine so that meant I couldn’t be aro/ace’ and 1) mood 2) good example of why it’s so important to talk about those definitions because, I’m so glad to see those identities talked about more.

The OC post hadn’t been written but I think you’ve seen it by now haha. I don’t post anything besides +/- finished art on my artblog, so for anything OC related it’s on my main in the ‘wow i have an ocs tag now’ tag!

The vampire OC is Meredith, she's my little self-insert <3 Technically you could argue that since both her and Cécilia are really similar to me and they're not-dating-but-also-not-not-dating it's a bit weird but hey who cares. She's 52 and a potioneer/alchemist, she has a cat called Theo, a lot of friends, long hair and skin problems, she's aroace and she owns her own shop. Since she's a vampire and she has sensitive skin most of the time the only parts of her body not covered by clothing are like, her hands/fingers and her face more or less, she wears a lot of long sleeves turtlenecks and tights/trousers. That's not actually how I wanted to dress when I was younger, I said that because she also wears relatively poofy skirts and cool gloves and ballgowns and boots and jewellery and mostly dresses in black and red and dark colours, which IS closer to what I wanted to dress like (and still do tbh. How lucky she is to have an actual adult job that gives her money to pay for cool clothing and accessories...) Most of my OCs dress in styles I love actually, whether it's the guys who are literally just a guy and dress like that (the graphic tee/hoodie + cargo pants, a singular pair of sneakers and one vest that's too light for the winter, you know the type? Literally just a guy. Love that vibe I’m obsessed with it for some reason) or the elaborate dresses or the hair colours I can't really do because I don't want to bleach mine, or the clothes sharing or the jewellery or the gay poet/pirate shirts, they're all dressing super cool and I wish that was me 😔 Sometimes I'll imagine what my OCs or my favourite characters would wear in my wardrobe and it's very fun, I keep meaning to draw that and then I never do lol

Yeah I mostly act like cringe is dead because I don't really have interactions with people who still believe in it, but I do have a few anti mutuals (though coming out as liking Snarry got one of them to unfollow me so...? That's something? Don't know if it's positive or not but it happened) I don't actually know if you're mutuals with Alex @/storm-of-feathers since I saw you reblog from them but if you are, then you too have the pleasure of having anti mutuals :D Don’t know if you’d already noticed that or not, sorry if that’s how you’re learning about it? tbh after I answered your ask about Tomarry I expected the inquisition once again but apparently either those mutuals weren't online or I was right to tag the post because nothing happened. It does get kind of taxing to avoid talking about specific things or refrain from reblogging posts I like in case the few people who wouldn't approve see it. But at the same time I really don't like change so I'm not really doing anything about it since both of them aren't bothering me about it like 99% of the time.

Yeaah the Knights are just no fun :( I’m glad fandom is there to make something with the fun material the canon writers are just leaving there unexploited, but I also wish canon was just good on its own. Though I guess that does change things in terms of the fandom… I finished watching Gravity Falls a while back and it’s a very good show, so I was a little afraid of going in the fandom, as opposed to things like Star Wars where I knew that if I got into it I wouldn’t even hesitate throwing myself in the fandom. I don’t really know how to explain that, but (and I say that without any negativity towards people who like different stuff than me, they’re doing their thing I’m doing mine y’know) when canon is good and works on its own, it’s different to apply the same ‘fandom lenses’ to it. I read things casual fans wouldn’t even think about, but when it’s for like, HP or SW, it’s whatever, because canon doesn’t really feel like it’s going to explore the stuff it sets down anyway. Whereas with things like GF, canon IS exploring what it sets down, it has a clear message it’s communicating well, and coming in with for example some completely out of left field ship feels different. Anyway :’) I guess I could start getting into stuff that’s good to avoid the problem of canon sucking, but then I’m not getting as much weird fandom stuff, and that’s full of pearls and really interesting stuff I love, so heh

You don’t sound like you’re putting down your writing! I do get what you’re describing, not on a writing level but on a general language level, and I’m glad to know I’m not the only one haha. I learnt french and english through osmosis but my grammar is really bad and as you said, I know what would sound right and what wouldn’t, but not why. I don’t really feel like working on it personally though, so props to you for that, I gotta admire the dedication to actually improving yourself through work haha. I’m sure the exercises’ll pay off and you writing will be even better! (also 15 years is a lot, that kinda hit me but whoa you’ve been writing for a whiile) (and I realise I didn’t say a lot about this, I don’t quite know how to put that in writing but you can imagine the equivalent of listening and making little noises to let you know I’m following)

The GwtW essay might or might not come, I got a 18.5/20 on the ‘exam’ I read the book for (only counted as 8% of that class’ final grade but still) and the teacher told me I should try developping my thoughts and writing the full essay I didn’t have enough time to do. I’ll have to see how motivated I get, I’ll tell you if it ends up happening! Though I was a little turned off by the vibes Rhett and Scarlett give off at the end, I love me a nice little fucked up relationship but their vibes were just hitting too close to home (derogatory). I’m also considering a thing about my absolute forever favourite fic, Pacify by chickenpets, because it’s just. It’s just good. Except it’s the one that got people to send me panicked asks about my morality so yeah :’)) (it’s like. Snarry with some underage, an interesting dynamic and BDSM, but also super well written and it hit 700k recently and every time I think about it I want to go read it again)

Also also how’s the Tomarry going hehe? Recommending you all those fics got me to reread some I hadn’t touched in a while and *dreamy sigh* Don’t think I’ll be going back to canon anytime soon though, because by that point I know it well enough to tell you all the little details even if I haven’t read it since I was like 13 :’)) Your comment about Dumbledore made me think about the morality of putting the magical baby of her sister on the doorstep of Petunia Dursley though. Personally I see him not as a good or a bad person but as someone who by the point of the wars with Voldemort just did what had to be done. He didn’t explicitly want to give Harry a shitty childhood to make him more malleable like you’ll see in certain fics, it’s just that Harry had to be protected and the blood magic was already there. Also he probably expected Petunia to have grown up a little since her childhood when she was super jealous of her sister, and tbh why wouldn’t he? Yeah giving Harry to people you know nothing about is a bad decision, but sometimes you believe in the good in people (in most cases) and – well there are times when turning a blind eye to a situation is helpful, and when you feel responsible for the wizarding world… Like he’s not really a good person, but he wasn’t doing it to be evil? He just had flaws and a past and responsabilities. But also yes Harry Potter is fucked up if you analyse it from an adult’s POV because it’s a children’s book and obviously in the children’s book it’s not fun if Harry isn’t put in situations no good guardian would make possible :’)) God Harry Potter will never leave me. Like I’ll be able to give you a little speech on Severus on autopilot at 82 in retirement home :’)) just, forever etched into my brain whether I want it or not.

ANYWAY sorry Harry Potter was my thing for so long it’s ridiculously easy to get me to monologue about it for hours. Hope you’re doing well and having fun, sending you love <3 (and if you’re not, then I’m sending you even more)

Hello hello! I hope your holidays are going well! It must be wonderful having so much free time after classes! My appointment went well, though there's still no official reason for why I can't hear as well anymore lol. Supposedly it's actually a processing disorder? But I have to be evaluated for that now, so I have to wait until I can have that evaluation before I'll know anything more substantial.

Listen, I absolutely love every aspect of these asks. It's so much fun to get to really dig into things! And your insights and thoughts are always so well put, it's genuinely a pleasure every time you're in my ask box!

Wow okay the thought you've put into your OCs! You're right, I do create my OCs from a standpoint of "how do I get this character from point A to point B," so it's so fascinating that you've got this consistent point of reference for yours. Like, with my OCs, especially the ones I make for the purpose of filling out my cast (or in the case of my original novel thing, for the purpose of being the cast), I need to think of them as these works in progress, because that's what they are, they're constantly being affected by the actions of the other characters and their surroundings and the workings of the universe I'm writing in. I can remember always struggling with certain aspects of one-shots because how does one demonstrate the way a character changes in only one scene? And then when I switched to writing longfics (and ultimately novels, now), suddenly my writing clicked.

And, your OCs all sound incredible! It must be so wonderful to have this consistent cast of characters for all your needs and purposes. If you ever do manage to make the toyhouse pages for everyone I'd love to see it! You really have a way of emphasizing who a character is at that point in time, it's absolutely amazing how you do that!

I'm also firmly on team "Jedi can have some fun but not the extreme attachments that Anakin had going on." But yeah, I also want a life partner and I agree romance is incredibly fun to do! That stuff all requires a really good conversation up front with whomever you're gonna be doing it with though (and here I am, giving life advice like I'm not only 23 lmao but) if you've got the right person (or people) it can be a wonderful arrangement. I've been with my partner for a year and a half and with my boyfriend for just about nine months, and genuinely having a relationship with people who are similarly on the aroace spectrum has been so much fun.

I was going to explain how my relationships worked and then realized that's a little weird of me, even for tumblr, so I deleted it and um you're getting this instead lol. But yeah! Qprs and "romantic" relationships where all parties understand that the romance isn't something y'all are able to feel are really fun! Highly recommend!

I saw the OC post! Your OCs are so cool, just saying, like my dude, that's so so cool!

Omg please draw your OCs or characters in general wearing outfits you have or outfits you want!!! This is just a random thing, but I swear Luke Skywalker would look incredible in one of those 1950's shirtdresses. And the just a guy aesthetic, that's how I dress rn lol! Granted, once I get top surgery I'm going to finally buy the 1950's style dresses I've always wanted to wear but didn't pass enough to, but the just a guy vibe is incredibly fun to do!

Yeah so when I went from being a Zelda blog to an obikin blog in 2021, a bunch of my anti mutuals unfollowed me (which, good for them for having the maturity to unfollow instead of me needing to block them), and those that didn't ended up getting into obikin along with me. I did notice Alex was an anti, I'm not mutuals with them though I was following them for a while. I'm not anymore, one too many vagueposts about anti rhetoric got me to unfollow them, but yeah. I'm pretty open about what problematic stuff I ship (at least, in the Star Wars fandom), so if people follow me after seeing my bio that's kinda on them, and if they start shit I just block them. I'm still unlearning the whole being hesitant to share what ships I'm currently into from the hellscape that is the main Zelda fandom (and from my 2016 experiences with anti-reylos), but I've started to get better about it finally. It really helps to have like-minded mutuals tbh.

Oh, so what you're saying with Gravity Falls reminds me of this one thing I read somewhere a while ago! Basically, you can tell how good a canon media is by how much you (/general you) want to read/write fic for it. If its good but has lots of room for improvement, you're more inclined to look for fic, but if its really good and you can't see anywhere it could be better, you won't want to look for fic because it's all right there in canon! Obv ymmv, ofc, as with all things, but I've found this to be true for a lot of my own fandom experiences. Ofc there aren't any medias I can think of for myself off the top of my head, but when I do write fic or search for fic it's because I didn't like some aspect of canon or another, and really wish it had been different in whatever way!

I'm glad what I was trying to describe about writing was making sense! Thank you for listening, I really appreciate it. And 15 years is a long time, but like, I've been writing since I was like 8, so that's how I arrived at that number lmao. I was telling stories from the time I could talk, I just didn't start writing them down until I got to be 8, and that's where it all began! Little 8 year old me didn't even know I'd be writing like this though, little 8 year old me just wanted to keep my siblings entertained for our parents :)

Oh yeah I love a good fucked up relationship omg, but I'm sorry it hit so close to home like that. Okay so Pacify sounds amazing, I'm going to give that a look, thank you for mentioning it (insert eye emoji several times I'm on desktop and have no idea how to do that from here lmao). I'm sorry that you got panicked morality asks about that, wtf, that's so fucking rude of them. I checked the tags out on the whole series, and this seems so tame considering some of the tags I've seen for other stuff? And like, maybe I'm tainted from delving into the wonderful world of dead dove as a writer plus no longer having anti mutuals, but sheesh. Antis really don't have better shit to do? I hope you can get back to the fic someday, it looks really good and you deserve to have a good time reading whatever you want!

I had to take a break from the tomarry because I ordered the 7 books (from a thrift store, obv, we do not support R*wling in this household) and it's been over a decade since the last time I read them and I needed the refresher. I've just started Goblet of Fire, and I've only had my hands on the books for 8 days, and omg. The tomarry brainrot is real. And my old drarry brainrot is back, and I have to tell you I'm down for snarry too now!

Looking back at this from an adult's perspective is pretty wild too. The first two books were marketed as children's books, but 3-7 were YA back when they were released, and my library even had book 7 alone in the YA section up until a few years ago when they finally moved it down to children's to be with the rest of the series. All this context because, I've been reading adult fiction and horror for the last decade, when I wasn't reading fanfic. And reading children's books for the first time in that long was a goddamn shock (affectionate), but it was really fun to pretend for a bit that I was just a kid on the 8 hour drive to our vacation cabin again! Once I got to Prisoner of Azkaban I felt a lot more comfy with the writing style, but YA is much closer to what I'm familiar with than outright children's, which I'm ofc grateful for. And omg, this series meant so much to kid!me, and I forgot how wonderful it was, and all the current discourse with it (while justified) has really tainted my recollections of it. Yes there's so much ableism and racism and homophobia, but that's what fandom is for, isn't it?

(I'll be honest, as someone who's still got a foot in a fandom such as Hetalia, I see no issues with being in a fandom for a problematic media; and my personal opinion is that I'm not comfortable consuming canon unless necessary for such a media, and if I must consume canon then I buy it secondhand so that the creator doesn't get my support. I have no interest in the HP movies, nor the books past Deathly Hollows; and if I ever do have a point where I'm interested in them, again, I'll just by them secondhand. And if I may add, I've recently started getting involved in professional published and to-be-published author's groups, as a means of encouraging myself to work on my original novel, and you'd (/general you) be incredibly surprised to see how they all interact with and around content that's incredibly problematic for whatever reason and how they interact about authors who are horrible people such as R*wling. It's been very interesting to see such things from a professional, irl pov instead of just fandom. But anyway, that's my views on the topic just so we're all clear fuck R*wling <333 I also hope that all made sense lmao thanks for letting me express that I've been needing to say it since getting back into the fandom)

But okay my opinions on Dumbledore. That opinion from the other week was 100% warped by the last decade in fandom without any interaction with canon on my part. Having read books 1-3, I can see a lot of my old opinions and admiration for Dumbledore still being applicable today, in fact I even suspect a lot of my opinions of death and dying could have come directly from Sorcerer's Stone where Dumbledore talks about Flammel deciding to give up his immortality. And you're right, it's hard to apply adult lenses to a children's/YA series where if the guardian figures were "adequate" for lack of a better word, we wouldn't have any story at all. So I'm kind of reading this from a, "if I were still a kid again how would I interact with this" perspective, while also maintaining my, "as an adult how would I write these characters being in their 20s (or whatever age they are when Harry, Ron and Hermione are mid-20s)" perspective. It's been helping a lot to have my reactions split like that lol. I think my current annoyance with Dumbledore is that, how dare he let Harry go back to the Dursley's now, knowing how abusive they are to him? And I understand (from memory, ofc), that there's the mother's love protection, but I suppose from an adult's perspective, particularly an adult like how I am, I can't quite get it. I do take back what I said about Dumbledore being a horrible character though. He's got his past, and his reasons, and he's been fighting this war longer than any of the characters in this series have been alive for the most part. Obviously he'll be flawed in ways I won't be able to understand, and that's how real people are, so ofc I won't always get it. It's interesting, I think, being an adult and remembering how fondly and in awe I'd look up to Dumbledore, and now as that adult wondering how he could make some of these decisions. None of this is meant like, rudely or anything btw, just v interesting and v looking forward to rereading the rest of the series and forming further analyses!! Thank you for getting me onto this <33

When I finish the last book, I would love to hear that essay about Snape please (once again insert eyes emoji)!

And yeah, Harry Potter was a big fandom for me at one point so I def get it! I've found it's the kind of fandom that almost everyone has been in at one point, and most of us always go back at certain points in our lives. I'm really lucky that I get to be rereading it now, I really needed this right now with everything going on, so thank you so much Ram <333

Everything is going much better now, thank you for all the love! And right back at you, all my love to you and may you have a lovely day when you see this <333

#im not going to tag any of the ships in this i dont want it to appear in tag searches lmao #and if people have a problem with me talking about any of this id appreciate it if they came to me off-anon so we can talk it out :)#im always happy to be educated about whatever topic #including fandom discourse if need be!#cant promise ill have the energy for such things right away though. ofc #i kinda do have chronic fatigue lmao #but yeah #hey Ram ily #thank you for this #this made my day

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