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#fathersmatter
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No matter the universe...
No matter the injuries...
No matter the occasion...
Drake will always be the best father for Gosalyn...
Happy Fathers Day!!
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gent-illmatic · 9 months
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Do NOT try to be the man your father would want you to be. Be the man you would like your son to be. It clearly defines your own convictions, desires, goals, and motivates you to be your best.
-K
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tiara1969 · 9 months
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You are appreciated and needed ❤️
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atwistedandbrokentale · 9 months
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Oh I almost forgot!
Happy Father’s Day to the all fathers out there! 🎉🎉🥳👏👏🎊🎊
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You are loved and appreciated ❤️
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savelonkar · 8 months
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Parental Alien Nation - the world I live in
"Parental alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child" - Steve Maraboli
Parents, you know that feeling of peace and calm, when you are first to wake up in your house, and you savor a nice cup of joe while your kids are all cozied up in their beds? I have not known that peace for a long time. It’s a distant feeling for me. I bought a house last summer, and my own kids have not ever slept in their rooms. I tend to avoid that part of the house, as the empty beds are stark reminders that I, Brian Lonkar, am a father of six who only see their dad a few hours every other week. It gets worse.
On top of this lonely life I’ve been trying to live these past few years, I continue to experience the fallout from my ex’s parental alienation, also known as emotional child abuse. According to the National Center of State Courts (2023), parental alienation is a campaign strategy whereby one parent intentionally displays unjustified negativity toward the other parent, with the goal of wielding that unjustified negativity to get the kids to turn on the other parent.
What is her motivation to behave this way? What good can come from this concerted effort of kid-brainwashing and dad-bashing? It’s not healthy and it’s not right. Why does she hate me so much that she fabricates stories and untruths to my children, not to mention all around town to anyone who will listen? You would think that since her own father abandoned her and lived in the same town for years, you would think she would not want to recreate the same scenario for her own children. When did this start? More importantly, when will this end? What has this looked like? How has this affected the mental health of myself, and more importantly, the mental health of our children?
In the hopes of thinking this through, what follows is a brief timeline of events in the past few years.
In the spring of 2021, shortly after an emotional blowout marriage counseling session, Cherrie filed for legal separation. I was the sole provider the first 15 years of marriage, yet once she started making some money, she was crystal clear that her money was HER MONEY, and her rapidly growing business was HER BUSINESS. While vacationing in the panhandle with a friend, she called and asked, “Separation or divorce?” She demanded a decision then and there, as then her lawyer would know what papers to file. I told her I didn’t really know the difference. Even though I was 99% sure this would lead to divorce, there was maybe a 1% chance of hope of still working things out. Well maybe less than 1%. So I said, “Separation, I guess”
A month later, in June 2021, she drove me around to a dozen apartments in town, and then she personally recommended the apartment complex for me to move into. Her rationale was that I had to move somewhere close. She chose this particular complex, as it was less than five miles from her house, and the kids had been to birthday parties there before. In addition, the kids had some pseudo-grandparent figures that lived there during the snowbird season. She asked me to leave the house immediately, but reluctantly agreed with my proposition that I needed a week to figure this all out, mentally prepare for my uprooting, and the big life changes that lie ahead for the whole family. A week later, with nothing but a backpack and clothes, I moved into an empty 2-bedroom apartment.
Less than a week passed and I told her my decision to move forward with a divorce was official. She had had a 2-week vacation planned to take all the kids to Michigan. Even after the decision to file for divorce, she asked me if I could go with her to Michigan and pretend we were still married, as she did not want to tell her family. I balked at the idea, and said there was no way I could do that, that she should just tell her family. So, she left for two weeks with all the children.
Little did I know that Cherrie was already working on her web of lies, telling the world, “Brian is a father that abandoned his kids and was drinking, drugging, and that’s what led to the divorce.” When did these false claims start? Just this past weekend, someone informed me that that ^^^ is exactly the story Cherrie told them back in June 2021 while they were vacationing in Michigan and visiting Chicago, my hometown!
Did I mention that I was completely sober for the last few years of our marriage and through the separation and divorce?
Back to the story. Back to the truth. So it’s June and the kids are with Cherrie in Michigan. The kids called once or twice while they were there. Shortly after they returned, the Department of Child Services launched an investigation of me for child abuse. DCS interviewed the kids, myself, and my ex, and they confirmed there was nothing to prevent me from seeing our children. I had lawyered up by then, and my lawyer sent her lawyer a request for me to see the children. My ex agreed to the kids Facetiming at a certain date/time. There were no court orders to prevent me from seeing the children, but she was “worried for the safety of the children,” and might agree to supervised visitation. Further, she stated that it was under the advisement of the Department of Child Services that I have supervised visitation. Only THAT was not true. She was completely making that up. DCS NEVER made that advisement. DCS never said anything about me not being a safe parent. So, I had my lawyer asked to setup Facetime calls with the kids. For 15 years, the only time I had left the kids was for a day and a half when I went to surprise my father for his 60th bday in 2009. Now my fatherhood was reduced to a few Facetimes. The situation grew ever bleaker.
Cherrie would tell me the kids wanted to speak with me, but when I called, she told me that they were already in bed. She would then try asking me questions about the case she was soon to be filing against me. It was weird to say the least, and I would not partake in that type of discussion. What was this woman planning? Through my lawyer, I requested parenting time, as it had been too long already that I had not seen my kids that lived just down the street. Cherrie told her lawyer that “per DCS” she was advised that “visitation was not permitted.” Again, there were no court orders in place. She was intentionally using the kids as pawns, purposefully keeping my kids from seeing me. She was going rogue and making things up, with false claims and fabricated endorsements from authorities, social workers, and any friends and employees that would help reinforce her lies. Parental alienation written all over it, right? Let’s call a spade a spade. There was an intentional 24/7 smear campaign to destroy me and my relationships with all my children. You would think that after 20 years of devotion and building a family, there might be an ounce of respect, right? WRONG! A day or so later, she filed a case in Family Court, and a judge issued emergency temporary orders that BANNED me from seeing the kids till September when a court date was scheduled.
So that was on July 16th, 2021, when the motion for emergency temporary orders was filed in family court. In the filing, DCS went on the record stating there was no need for a safety plan to be put in place, even though Cherrie’s lawyer had asked for this. DCS also said that Cherrie stated she had been keeping the kids at home during summer, as she feared that I would come and grab the kids if she took them to any camps or other public places. What the what? Parental alienation. School was about to start in early August, and my ex said the kids would be “exposed to the danger of the Father picking them up from school” (exact words). I hadn’t seen the kids since June 16th, before they all went to Michigan. I also had not had any contact with any one of them since that time, and I had not once gone to go see them, as any efforts to do so would have been used against me in court for sure. My ex said, “Brian is pressing to see the children and he is aware that the children will still start school, where he could pick them up if there were no court orders preventing him from doing so.” She also said that there were multiple complaints from the children of physical abuse. These fictitious claims were again all in her campaign to alienate me from my kids. Parental alienation. She told the judge of my DUI in 2017, and said she believed I had been drinking. She said Brian has “undiagnosed mental health issues and/or an untreated mental health diagnosis,” said I was “bipolar,” “likely using drugs and/or alcohol,” and requested a mental health evaluation. Cherrie claimed domestic violence, questioned my mental health stability, and had concerns about the safety and welfare of the children. In that same filing, she also said she would be filing for an Order of Protection for the children. Her lawyer requested the judge:
Award her temporary sole-decision-making
“Award” Father with supervised visitation
Submit a full panel of drug/alcohol testing
Order documentation to support her claims of my mental health instability
Order me to pay for all her legal fees
Since this was an “emergency filing,” the judge immediately granted her temporary sole custody, and set the court date for an evidentiary hearing on August 16, 2021.
I went two full months without seeing or speaking to any of my six children. I lived down the street from them, in the apartment that my ex chose for me, and was barred from seeing or speaking with my children. Can you imagine? My guess is that you cannot. Oh and during this time, my ex also rehomed our two 2-year-old dogs to some place in Georgia, and moved our oldest child to her friend’s house that was thinking of starting a developmental group home. I did not find all these things out until later.
On August 16th, both lawyers presented their case. The judge said, “Wait. You have not seen the kids in two months? They are coming over to your place today, and they did. He said custody would be 50/50 and a future court date was scheduled for November to discuss the dissolution of the marriage (i.e., divorce agreement).   
In November around Thanksgiving, our divorce agreement was filed. 50/50 kids, mutual decision-making. You would think there would be some finality when the divorce was final. You would think there would be some peace. But no, that could not be further from the truth.
Cherrie does not like following the court orders, especially when they do not benefit her. She was not sharing the kids with me 50% of the time. I told her that if she would not agree to the 50-50 kids that was court-ordered in November 2021, that I would just bring her back to court to get them to enforce it. Since I had brought up court, we went to the 50-50, and I thought it would be smooth sailing from there. Side note, by that time I had gotten an app called Our Family Wizard. I highly recommend it for parents that get divorced. Getting that app was a lifesaver for me, as before that time I had been receiving a barrage of texts and emails at all hours of the day and night. Ever since we split, my goal was to create a happy, peaceful life and reestablish my connections with my kids, as they, like any children of divorce, have to learn to navigate a life lived in two different homes.
A quick funny here just to lighten up this blog, then we’ll get back to the parental alienation bit.
While the kids were at my place, I sat them down for an important family meeting. I asked them some questions. I said, “When we were all in the same home, who was the president?” “MOM,” they all screamed in unison. “Who was the vice president?” “You/Dad,” they replied. “Who do people remember, the president or the vice president?” “The president!” they said. “Now, we live in two different homes. You have a life with your mother, and a life with your father. Who is the president now at mom’s house?” “Mom,” they exclaimed. “Who is the president at dad’s house?” A few of them still said “Mom!” Um, no.
Please read my “All I Wanted for Christmas” blog for details on the crazy events of Sept-Dec 2022.
Back to this story. So, it’s September 2022. My ex filed another emergency temporary order, a copy/paste with all the same claims against me, and for the past year I have only seen my kids every other Saturday. When you add up the hours I have seen them, it will add up to 8 days by the time this is all said and done. Her parental alienation, her emotional child abuse efforts, have been consistent ever since June 2021. That has not changed. Not once have any of her claims against me been validated or substantiated. Not one. Not by DCS, not by the police, not by the courts, not by anyone. Why is this so? BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL LIES. Unfortunately, my relationship with all of my kids continues to suffer.
There is so much more. If you remember, though I cried and begged the judge to allow my kids to come to my PhD graduation, they were prevented from going. My ex has blocked me from attending performances, orientations, even told schools I am not allowed to see my kids there (which is not true). She discovered I was at one of our kid’s tennis matches, and called him telling him he had to leave the meet early. Many of the kids have diagnoses or conditions that are "only at dad's house," though I see them just hours every othre week. These are just a few bullet points of my dad-bashed life over the past few years riddled with parental alienation.
Please keep me and my children in your thoughts and prayers. The date to settle custody will likely be close to the end of this year. Hopefully, the nightmare will be over then, at least, until she creates the next nightmare situation. Even next week, I go to court for criminal charges by her. I guess that means you can expect another blog next week. Ugh. Life should not be this hard, especially when all I want is peace.
I created this blog to raise awareness and bring the truth to the surface in this nightmare that is my unfortunate life at this time. I do have a GoFundMe to assist with the legal fees that continue to incur as I am in the fight of my life to get my kids back. Whether you donate a dollar, share my blog with others, or just keep me and my kids in your prayers, I appreciate the support of my friends and family during these trying times. From the depths of my daddy heart, I thank you for reading and thank you for your continued support.
GoFundMe: https:gofund.me/8a71bc5e
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caitthedragonfly · 9 months
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I had a great day today my dad woke me up and surprised me with a day of doing stuff just me and him, he took me out for breakfast and then he let me pick a movie and we watched it <3 I’m so grateful to have such an amazing kind dad, he’s my best friend and an absolute inspiration he’s so considerate all the time I hope he can bless me in all my other lives by being my father in those. I love you more than anything dad 💕
He has done so much for me even little things I’ll always remember and appreciate
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Father Day's gift ideas
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https://www.zazzle.ca/z/nzzuzpfw?rf=238641920001414177
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1mboredsblog · 9 months
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Happy Father's day to the good men out there. Hope you all are appreciated like you deserve.
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d4rkn355-r151n6 · 10 months
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wherefeelingsland · 10 months
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My new artwork for Father's Day
Available
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drgphotostudiollc · 1 year
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End of the Weekend->Nugget -> chew on that...] #REPLAY, #REPEAT “We all have a calling on our lives...” (Psalms 57:2; Ecclesiastes 12:13-14; 2 Peter 1:10-11) Are you living a meaningful life? Are you living on purpose? Identify those things in your life that are slowing you down in your pursuit of Jesus. Jesus has too much in store for your life for you to be weighed down. Start running the race with endurance and keep your eyes on Jesus who is calling you forward. Whenever we struggle against God's plans, we suffer. When we resist God's calling, our efforts bear little fruit. Our best strategy, therefore, is to seek God's wisdom and to follow Him wherever He chooses to lead. When we do so, we are blessed. When you arrive at one of life's inevitable crossroads, that is precisely the moment when you should turn your thoughts and prayers toward God. When you do, He will make Himself known to you in a time and manner of His choosing. Even in the most intense seasons of life, God guides us and is producing something in us that will fulfill his overall purpose in our lives. God gotcha! You either rise to the occasion or fail miserably... That’s my end of the “Weekend Nugget,” chew on that and digest it or not 😎😎😎🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Have a fantastic week!!! #MothersMatter #FathersMatter #FridayVibes #SaturdayVibes #SundayVibes #wordsofwisdom #ThatsBibleRightThere #Jesus #TheWordOfGod #Faith #DRGphotoStudioLLC #FiveByFive #MissionReady #ToujoursPrêt https://www.instagram.com/p/CqQUAGlAmAQ/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=
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fandomloverangel · 2 years
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Why does my mother get to do this to me? Why do I have to have a hoarding disorder and unhealthy attachments to things I don't even want. Why does she get to dump stuff on me and then just walk away or send me on my way back home. What gave her the right to manipulate me and affect how I see things and what level of attachment I get. What caused her to think that she is entitled to my personal feelings and space, so much so that my mental health is a minefield, and every mine will lead back to her somehow, and my room and apartment is full of shit I don't need or use but can't get rid of because I perceive it as some fucked up sign of her caring and loving me, when all it does is make me struggle and hate her more. I hate her so much, she has caused me breakdowns and disappointed me so many times in my life and events, and yet I still hold onto the shit she gives me and I still get my hopes up that she'll be there for an event or concert or birthday when I know she won't.
I'm making this and ranting because my room is a mess, full of stuff she sent me and gave me, and I can't get rid of any of it even when I want to and have an idea of what I want my room to look like, and I just had yet another breakdown because I've unpacked at least 2 dozen boxes, and I still have shit to go through and get rid of and boxes to unpack. I just want to be done, but stuff just keeps appearing and I just want to be normal and have a normal attachment to stuff. I hate her so much.
My father has tried so hard to help me over the years, but my mother has actively worked against him helping me and has purposely caused him to waste his money and foster distrust in me towards him. I love him so much for being there and doing what he can. Without a doubt, he is my favorite parent. He's always been there for me and helped where be could.
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cactuskid99 · 9 months
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Happy Father's Day Everyone!!!!!
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surviveoutloud · 2 years
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A brothers story: Narcissistic abuse.
How do you deal with a narcissistic person. An Ex wife is very difficult to deal with. When they were married she treated him like crap and knocked him down as much as she could. He was in the Marines she never let him do anything even with his family when he was home. Could you imagine not being able to even see your own family?! Their marriage was short lived but he only married her because she would take the child, and each time he requested a divorce she became pregnant or stated she will harm herself. He felt bad no matter how psychotic she is. Even her own family contacts him and tells him she’s crazy and to just leave be. Her own family sent him emails showing her mental issues with manic bipolar and multiple personality disorder as well as being a narcissist to not just him but anyone around her. Since childhood her family couldn’t deal with her as she has homicidal ideations when people make her a little mad. She was cheating the entire marriage. For years she has flipped her mind and keeps taking drastic measures. It started with her having him falsely arrested and him getting all charges dismissed. Then her sending texts to him and herself with threats to him and his new family with children. (He changed his number and emails it stopped but of course on her end it didn’t) she didn’t know he changed his number. Each WiFi number she used was tracked back to a towers in her area many states away from him. The courts accidentally gave her his new email since he pays child support for the children. So far 3 guys came forward about sleeping with her while he was deployed. The only time he was with someone else was when he told her it’s over. Not cheated! She emails him constantly with threats and fights and always blames him as the aggressor for the fights. However all he asks is about the children and when he can speak to them. He moved states, he changed numbers again, filed restraining orders. Shortly after moving she find out where he lived and CPS comes to him and of course her accusations are found false but when his state attempted to find her they couldn’t. She uses his social security number to destroy his credit. He lost communication with the children because she won’t answer any emails text or calls unless it involves paying or an issue she has. She tries to force him to call her # knowing she will claim harassment. As she continues to claim she will ruin his life. Every text or email from her is “you’re bipolar , “smallD**ck boy”, “spermdonor” “bald, chick nipples” just rude and childish messages. He has offered a mediator, therapy, visitation that works for both parties and he gets no contact for the kids. He offers to do things her way and it’s never good enough. The sad part is when he talks to the kids they tell him everything she coaches them to say and think. She literally tells them to call him by his name and to say they hate him. Even the kids have told him, she tells them to be as mean as they can and that they don’t have to listen to him ever! She is mom and GOD as she claims. Or she will send messages pretending to be them. Since they are under 13 courts won’t let them speak. He went as far as to not do visitation anymore because she plays a dangerous accusation game and each time it’s unfounded. In the same breath she gets mad he doesn’t take the children. Over the years he has compiled over 4000 emails, screen shots, recorded calls, messages everything to show her mental instability and her narcissistic personality. My question is how do you co parent with someone who threatens you and your family. It feels as if she forces his hand on having anything to do with the kids to protect his family. I’ve never seen someone so diabolical they can’t co-parent and so psychotic they believe what they say even when you show them exactly what they sent you in recorded document. Like woman!!!!! She wanted the divorce and cheated the entire marriage but once she saw he didn’t fall and is living a happy life, where he is a better man it’s like she broke mentally. Worse than what she was before.
When she obtained a order of protection on him she lied and stated he had fire arms- well his fire arm was stole 3 years before hand and Cobb county Ga had it in evidence he never claimed back, she claimed he beat her when she was pregnant but the voicemails show he wanted to leave her and she would BEG for him to stay. She claimed she feared for 7 years yet again - voicemails and emails prove she was the aggressor and never hurt her. She claimed he convinced her to never call the cops- well he was never home to do so after the Marines he worked out of state. Never one did she have a bruise a cut or even a scratch. He has had multiple black eyes including the day of their wedding when she punched im him in the face. She has given him bruises and scratches that were pictured. In her report she claimed she felt afraid and ran to him in the bathroom. Call records show he was on FaceTime with his now wife who was valuable witness to everything. She took his phone not to call 911 but to meddle in his relationship. She just couldn’t let him be happy. They were married separated living together for the entire marriage. She dated over 10 guys throughout the marriage. Then at the time her boyfriend lived in Las Vegas. He dodged a bullet with her. The case was dismissed and removed from his record. This was the turning point of her trying anything in her power to ruin his life. For a second he was mentally shattered but his support system brought him up! They carried him to the top. Now she is mad. Let’s fast forward to the day she got the order of protection- when arrived to their residence he went with 3 officers to get his uniforms and his truck. This crazy woman cuts the screen and shatters the window of the baby’s bedroom so she can throw clothing and other pyramid out the window. Screaming at the officers “you better get a warrant”. Get this she has the nerve to blow up his phone every hour on the hour for days after that. BEGGING him to come by asking him to just talk to her. It was game over he signed anything those divorce papers said just to get her out his life. She claims to be a victim for 7 years. She was not she IS the AGGRESSOR.
Fast forward - He has gone to court over 3 times in 2 years to get a restraining order and guess what. NOPE she’s too far from him. Statues have to be met in order to obtain such order. I swear it is just sad. The scary part she is trying to be a police officer in Chicago: WOW!!! now that is insane. She could harm someone really bad. She is very good at making you think she is an amazing person but emails, texts, phone recordings and voicemails all say differently. She plays the victim card very well. Yet she is no victim. She reminds all of us of a Casey Anthony, Amber Heard, and the Gabriel Hernandez trials! Very worrisome! Over 50 people can testify to her verbal-physical abuse and false accusations. She was very good at falsifying messages to herself but she forgot a tiny factor. Maybe she got so mad and caught up that she actually forgot she was sending them from her very own email. Not one she claims someone made and isn’t hers but the one she uses for her everyday life too. Narcissistic people will believe their own lies and believe their own games. GASLIGHTING AT BEST. They often have a tendency to make themselves have a spotlight/power and have others feel sorry for them. But SORRY WE DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR A GROWN WOMAN WHO THREATENS BABIES OR AUTISTIC CHILDREN. Not in this life time. Who even calls an autistic child fat and tells the parents to put the child on a diet. Its one thing to be mad at the adults but the child. Leave the children alone. Disgusting! We pray for justice for him. She will and does cause trauma to all. It’s her way or No way. We can’t wait to see what fabricated messages and emails she comes up with. Everyone knows of photoshop and edits. He has been working with detectives and lawyers for years. Ironically she moves and can’t be served. His proof is live, his is real, and his story is just beginning to be told. She shows the good parts of what she says and the bad of how he responded by telling her no or ignoring her but never what triggered his protective parental stand. Fortunately those are all over social media now not part of the story but the full story, full conversations, and the full evil in this woman.
Update—
Yes she forced him to a point where he wanted to give up his rights and be dead. She had him living in a constant state of pain. He picked himself up and became stronger. He speaks out! Maybe then but now HE is done and he has spoken! DM if you would like to see correspondences. They will blow your mind. Talk about insanity! He has been begging for his children since 2020 and she still hides. One thing the children will know for sure is the truth. She won’t even let him speak to the children without her hovering because she is afraid he will tell them things that will show he has always tried. Things that will prove to them and everyone she is a MONSTER. Even when he broke and almost gave up on them he humbled and apologized. Tell me why does a mother need to control how children speak to their parent? They mention a friends name and she hangs up. She blocks every means but acts like it’s him who has the issues. Yet she has no problem getting in touch with him when she needs something. Or when she wants to argue with him back and fourth. Tell me if you are so abused by him and he’s an aggressive person that you hide from, why do you offer to get rid of your children to him and his family for not weeks but years at a time. But coward and back out because he wanted it on a legal document in court not just a handshake? 🫣🤔😕🤨🤔🤔🤔 Please enlighten us all. Her name is … Didivalis Cruz
He allows her to smear his name but at the end of the day the proof of it all is in had evidence. NO MORE! Never again! The truth of it all is written in black and white. Let her claim the victim position. The day will come we’re all will be shown and the world will know it is not him who had been in the wrong it is her. Yes he WAS behind in child support due to Covid-19 but he still pays over 800 a month and Paid off all arrears just to beg to speak to the children and still nothing. Only a spineless mother would say she’s in her right to withhold children because she’s was paid half during Covid months. Always about money and being the victim!
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savelonkar · 1 year
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CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER
Jesus said the truth will set you free. It’s time for me to speak my truth. I’m hoping one day it will set me free. All I want is peace in this life: peace of mind, peace in interactions, peace in relationships. Unfortunately, all my ex wants is war.
You see, we were together for 20 years. We built a life together and raised six kids. It was never easy. Did we struggle from time to time? Certainly, as would any couple. But in 2016, it all went downhill from there. That was the year she conjured up the fake cancer. Yup, you read that right.
CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER
Around the time Cherrie turned 35, I was already 41-ish, and had personally started going to the doctor to get the routine checkups you would as an aging individual. Cherrie had never really done the same, so I suggested she see the breast doctor since she was 35 and all. The first time she went for a check-up, or boob-smashing, she informed the breast doctor that her father had cancer years ago. The next appointment, I went along with Cherrie. At the time, I was working full-time, as I was always the sole provider, and I was teaching and working through my email during the appointment. After all, this was just a checkup, right? During the appointment, the doctor asked if anyone else in Cherrie’s family had gotten cancer as of late, and it just so happened that her aunt Carol, her mother’s sister, had breast cancer pretty recently. When the doctor heard that, she left the room for a few minutes, then came back. When she returned, she told Cherrie she would now need a double mastectomy. I admit I was half-listening when she said that. I was shocked, and like, “Can we get a second opinion?” The doctor explained that this was a preventative measure, based on an algorithm, and insurance companies started approving of this procedure, as it saves them money in the long run. Angelina Jolie was one that many will remember having done this same thing. When we went home, I started looking up other alternatives. I told Cherrie she should see another doctor, get another opinion, look at other options. Why did she have to do ANYTHING? There is NO CANCER. Plus, we were up to six kids at that time. Our littlest guy was just nine months old, and breastfeeding. Cherrie talked to family and friends, and then went full-tilt on doing the double mastectomy. She started a Facebook “tribe” to catalog her story, she started “Cherrie’s tribe” on Facebook, and started gathering followers, to follow her pseudo cancer story. 
She died her hair purple, an FU to the pink that represents breast cancer. She got others to wear purple to support. A few weeks later, in February, she gathered myself and a few friends, and she was singing and dancing and rapping all the way to the operating room. She fist-pumped to the Australian Sia/David Guetta’s Titanium. I really did not have much time to process all of this. With everything that was happening, we also had six kids, ranging from less than a year, all the way to eight years of age. All I really understood was that Cherrie was steadfast through this whole thing.
Three or four hours into Cherrie’s double mastectomy, Dr. K, the breast surgeon, came out and found me. I was grading a bunch of classes to pass the time. “Good news!” “We did not find any cancer.” “I know,” I said to myself, relieved but then again, there was NEVER any signs of CANCER. Check this actual post from her good friend that was at the hospital at that time:
UPDATE: first portion of the surgery (the bi-lateral mastectomy) is complete and "went off without a hitch" and everything looked good. The breast surgeon is “fairly certain pathology on the breast tissue will come back benign". Since Cherrie had no active cancer and the suspicious lymph node appears to have been only an infection as it shrunk back to normal size (cancerous lymph nodes do not do that without help) there is a 1-3% chance of anything showing up. Pathology results will be back Monday. They did not do a node biopsy or sentinel node biopsy as the node is normal, it is just standard procedure to send the breast tissue to pathology. The plastic surgeon is doing her portion now (placing the expanders) and should be done in the next 2 hours.
Read that again. That was the truth.
Four hours later, Cherrie was boob-free. For the greater part of the next two years, as Cherrie lie there healing and posting about her story on the “tribe” page, the majority of the days and nights at home, I became the kids’ father and mother all wrapped up in one. Our littlest child was not even a year old when she had the big surgery, so he had to stop breastfeeding, and he could not even go onto his mommy’s lap (due to all the surgeries and incisions) for a couple of months. Every few months, her body would not react well to its healing, there’d be an infection, the list goes on, and she would have to go in for more surgeries (first to heal something that was not healing correctly, and eventually for reconstruction). When the same breast surgeon went in there at the end of April, they called it a bilateral necrosis and unilateral infection. Dead tissue was removed, and the infection was cleaned. 
Fast forward to today, I combed through Cherrie’s Tribe page, because I really wasn’t sure where the fake cancer story started, when she went from saying there was no cancer, to saying she was a cancer survivor. But I can bet that Cherrie knew where this story was going even before she got to the hospital for that first surgery. It was primed and fluffed to be a well-scripted string of half-truths and lies.
You see, Cherrie has this weird thing. She takes bits and pieces of other peoples’ stories, or she crafts her own stories to garner attention or favor or money, and then she morphs them into what she says is her own story. You know that lady that made up crap about her daughter Gypsy Rose? Well, Cherrie makes up crap about her own conditions and diagnoses. I would not figure all of this out until after we had split, years later.
Let me give you an example. Over the years, Cherrie said she had 11 miscarriages. That’s right, she said she had 11 miscarriages with me. More often than not, I would get a call while at work, and she would tell me she “lost the baby.” I grieved hard every fricking time. There was only one time I remember going to the doctor, during one of our “pregnancies,” and then they told us that we no longer had a baby. There was one time, we had to do a D&C (Dilation and Curettage), and that really happened. But all the others, like the other 9? Who knows if they ever happened. You know, Cherrie was engaged to a guy that was already married, before I was in the picture, back in 2000-2001. He had an apartment with Cherrie, while his wife and their babies lived in a neighboring suburb. To throw the scent off, Cherrie’s then “fiancé” informed his actual wife that he just had a crashpad w/Cherrie, as they were flight attendants together. He also said that Cherrie contracted HIV at a very young age due to all the blood transfusions she had as a child. The actual wife grew suspicious, as her husband had many late night/early morning phone calls with Cherrie. There was one phone call she overheard, when her husband was speaking to Cherrie, he said, “Everything is gonna be alright, as long as I continue to get sympathy from my wife.” Back in 2001, Cherrie went with her mother and her “fiancé” and bought an engagement ring/wedding band set. The rings cost her mother $5500. The "fiance" that was already married, to his college sweetheart. His actual wife had a baby in 2000, they had another baby in 2002. Cherrie and her "fiancé" were together in 2001. Cherrie told me that she got pregnant with his baby, too, and then lost it. Who knows if that ever happened.
Back to the “cancer.”
Here’s the thing, she NEVER HAD CANCER. It was all a lie. She started fabricating the “cancer story” immediately after she came home from her double mastectomy. Like IMMEDIATELY, like the day or two after she was able to come home. March 1st, 2016, to be exact. She became my ghost writer, and put a bunch of loving husband posts and fictitious information about her surgery and her recovery. She did this for two entire years! When you look through the Cherrie’s Tribe page on Facebook, I’ll bet like 1-2% of the posts “by me” were actually written by me. In fact, when Cherrie was in the hospital (the first time, February 2016), she asked for my Facebook login and password. This was all a setup, one that helped her gain followers to follow her FAKE CANCER story. While she was healing, she was on lots of drugs, pain meds and such. She sat their like a vegetable many days, sat their in a very nice big electronic lounge chair that one of her friends purchased with their bingo or knitting club money. We had a Meal Train on and off for like two years, and since we did not have any relatives here in Arizona, sometimes relatives would come to visit. “What can I do to help?” they all asked me. I told them that I would take care of all the six kids, and their best efforts were to stay by Cherrie’s side, make sure she is taking her pain meds, and be there for her. By the time I would get to bed, I would be absolutely beat, from working all day, and running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to create some normalcy with the daily routine for our kids in an abnormal situation. Once Cherrie was “healed,” she started taking girlfriend trips immediately, to celebrate her “beating cancer.” It was all a lie, one that she used to broadcast a fake condition, and one that helped her grow socially to grandiose proportions. After all, who wouldn’t love a super mom with six kids that fought and beat cancer? Cherrie then told me that, given her “near death” experience, that she changed and I didn’t. When did I have time to “change?” She never had cancer, and I had to run my ass off and play along with her fakedom, taking care of six kids while working a full-time job, going to college, and teaching classes at the university.
Cherrie then used her newfound notoriety to start what is now her thriving business, that serves the special needs and foster/adopt population. The thing is, she NEVER HAD CANCER. Yet that one truth, or in her case, that one LIE, is what she built a million dollar business on.
Seriously, do you have any relatives that fake things like cancer? I have a cousin that once brought a baby that was not hers to a Christmas gathering, and I thought that was the lowest thing ever. But to fake CANCER? One more thing I have to say about that. In 2016, one of my closest colleagues Dave got diagnosed with cancer, and slowly deteriorated over the next two years till he died from his disease. When he was finished with chemo, as his body could not take anymore, he gave his bell that he got at his final chemo treatment to me, to give to Cherrie. He thought it might help her gather strength to beat it. I didn’t have the heart to tell him the truth, as my life was busy covering up this gargantuan lie. So, I brought it home and gave her this gift. Shortly after my dear friend Dave died, I asked Cherrie if I could give the bell back to Dave’s widow. Her response was, “Well, it WAS a GIFT to ME.” And she wasn’t having it. To this day, you will find Dave’s bell sitting like an unearned trophy in her bedroom, for all to see.
CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER.
The late Archbishop Desmond Tutu once said, “There is justice, and there is injustice. There is no in-between.” The last few years, I have experienced many injustices. I have cried more in the past two years than I ever have in my entire life. Life is not meant to be this hard. My life is supposed to be MY LIFE. It’s time to start shouting the truth from the rooftops. She’s the Facebook life. I’m the real life.
I’ve already lost almost two years here with my kids. Every time I think my life cannot get any worse, it does. When will this pain and heartache end? When will I be able to see my kids, back to the 50/50 it stated in our divorce decree from two years ago?
From September through December, Cherrie had other people in her life drop our kids off at the “transfer.” She “showed up” for the first time in 4 months to “transfer” our kids at the police station on Christmas Eve. She called the cops. They wished me a Merry Christmas, then asked her to leave. I took five of my kids to Phoenix to feed the homeless in their camps at 10th/12th and Roosevelt. Now, for my 48th birthday, I must go get fingerprinted, because she is saying I violated some order or process. We’ve been divorced for almost two years now. All I want is peace. All she wants is war. You would think after spending 20 years together, there would be some level of human decency. It’ll make a great book/documentary/movie, I guess. Merry Christmas and Happy Bday to me.
CHERRIE NEVER HAD CANCER.
If you'd like to find out more, keep an eye on this blog. I also have a GoFundMe. Do not feel obligated to fund me, but do feel obligated to support me, in mind and spirit, as I am in the fight for my life and for my rights as a father. I welcome your support.
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fumblerwatumbler · 7 months
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Not all who wander are lost. Those who get lost can always be found. All you need to do is build the courage and strength to pick yourself up when you’re down before you can ever reach out for a hand up effectively.
I know you’re tired. I’m afraid and you’re afraid and everyone knows it. But we don’t have to be afraid anymore.
Absolutely massive things on the horizon. All will be shared here. But this is the start of something great. The biggest and most important work I could ever do.
Send all the love and light you can my way over the coming months and stay tuned to watch something amazing happen.
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