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foxhanbin · 2 years

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May I present… 'cause i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it!

My contribution for the Batfam Big Bang 2022 is done! And it is set in the same universe as last year's fic, to burn out forever or to light up a spark!

A big thank you to my team - you were great!

@nycis and @schweeeppess, thank you for beta reading my mess! @artist1113, @sketphire, and @bisexualoftheblade, thank you for committing to doing art for me! It's so cool to see my words be turned into something else, and you're all incredible!

And I also want to thank everyone over at @batfam-big-bang - you're amazing, and I'm so glad I got to peek behind the curtain this year as a mod! :D

Anyway, now I'll let the fic speak for itself:

'cause i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it

Summary:

From what Bruce can tell, everything had been flawlessly executed. The only logical reason for the lack of explosion is that something had stopped Tim in his tracks, and the lack of physical evidence suggests it wasn’t anything external. So the only logical conclusion Bruce can draw from the evidence is that Tim has taken the batteries out of the detonator without any external reason. And that fills Bruce with a desperate hope he doesn’t need to handle.

-- Coming back from the dead, Tim and his family find each other on opposite sides of a central argument: what must be done to stop the endless crime in Gotham; and which prize must be paid for it?

Trigger Warnings and Tags:

Graphic Depictions of Violence

Mentions of Major Character Death (Tim Drake Dies And Comes Back)

Lazarus Pit Side Effects (DCU)

Alternate Universe - Role Reversal / Batkids Age Reversal / Reverse Robins

Explicit Language

Heavy Angst

Dissociation and Psychological Trauma

This year, I'm posting one chapter every week, so the first chapter is up now! There's six chapters in total (+ one for the playlist), go find it on ao3!

#batfam big bang 2021 #to burn out forever or light up a spark #bee writes pit tim au #batfam big bang #dc comics #batfam #batfamily #batman #reverse robins #bruce wayne #damian wayne #tim drake #damian al ghul #ra's a ghul #bee writes fanfiction #fandombee.exe #'cause i could never hold a perfect thing and not demolish it

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foxhanbin · 1 year

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hi! you should blacklist 'import queue' for a hot minute if you don't want to see all the dc comics stuff i'm importing from @amaztim (my dc account that i'm shutting down.

that is all, have a good day! ❤

#babblebee.exe #fandombee.exe

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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highkey tempted to change my url with all the queer robin confirmations-

#fandombee.exe #bi tim drake confirmed #tim drake confirmed bi #nonbinary damian wayne #he/they damian wayne

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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i have no interest in fandom drama, but if you think Bobby didn’t deserve to be on the father’s day post, I need you to unfollow me, please and thank you.

#bobby nash #911 #9-1-1 #i'm not even going to elaborate on this #if you don't get where you're going wrong read one of the fifteen posts i've had on my dash already #other people have explained it already #911 fandom drama #fandombee.exe

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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headcanon that the batsiblings just,,, adopt their siblings' parents as their own and it leads to the wildest favourite parent moments

#fandombee.exe #batsiblings #batfamily #dick grayson #jason todd #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #tim drake #duke thomas #damian wayne #carrie kelley

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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okay i’m sure someone has said this before, but we were robbed of long-term cons/undercover stories on Supernatural.

like, all the hilarious scenes of them pretending to be anything other than FBI agents, but make it weeks of undercover work?

Sam goes undercover and Gabe keeps popping in at random times, so the entire frat house stages an intervention where they first go to Sam to tell him “buddy it’s okay, you don’t have to hide your boyfriend”

and then they go to Gabe and are like “listen if you hurt him, we will beat you up”

Sam and Gabe are not dating, but “oh no he’s just an angel who tends to fuck me over and help me, so i’m cautious” is not a good defense

so Sam and Gabe are dating now for the run of this undercover mission

Dean and Cas are continuously mistaken as a couple

they bring Claire and/or Jack along for a mission, and everyone goes “oh your teenage daughter/son ---” and Dean can’t even tell them no

(like give me We’re the Millers vibes but actually funny)

there are fun montages where we switch between one Winchester brother of them at a tupperware party and another fighting a monster, and both scenes are framed as Scary AF

Bobby visits them while they’re undercover and he never comes up with a fake identity, he’s always The Dad

(they don’t talk about it, but Bobby goes very soft when someone calls him Dean or Sam’s dad)

Dean goes undercover with only Claire at one point, and everyone assumes he was a teenage dad and is now a single dad prematurely graying because Claire is a wild child, and Dean is like “no- actually you are correct that is exactly what happened”

Bobby and Ellen go undercover and their cover was friends, but everyone assumes they’re elderly couple who found each other post-midlife crisis and are both already divorced/widowed once and they can’t correct them

Cas goes undercover as a Beekeeper at least once

Jack is de-aged and Dean and Cas are suddenly a cute gay couple with a toddler in a sub-urban neighbourhood

they have all gone undercover as a mechanic

Dean has also gone undercover as a journalist/photographer, especially if it’s related to any kind of music business

Dean and Jo have gone undercover as friends but everyone went “oh hey dude is that your sister” so they just rolled with it and never talked about the fact that people looked at them and immediately saw their behavioural similarities, the way they smile in a similar way, and thought “family”

Claire brings Kaia along, and Cas is now a dad helping his daughter and future daughter-in-law moving into their new flat together (they actually want to keep the flat at the end of the mission)

Sam gets to be a cool uncle to Jack when he goes undercover as a highschool/college student

just, the potential!

#deancas #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #bi dean winchester #bisexual dean winchester #dean is bi and so am i #spn #supernatural #sam winchester #clair novak #gabriel (spn)#jack kline #bobby singer #ellen harvelle #jo harvelle #kaia (spn)#fandombee.exe #spn long term cons

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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puzzle pieces

It’s almost stupidly easy.

They meet at the corner Kaz picked, with nothing more than scrapes and bruises. Kaz is a little out of breath, his cheeks reddened by exertion or the cool air. Jesper isn’t as observant as Inej, but even he can tell that Kaz is favouring his good leg, leaning onto his cane more than usual. But the smirk he throws at the both of them is as dangerous as always.

“I told you we’d make it out.”

Jesper is known for his lack of impulse control. For rushing into danger headfirst, falling into fist and fire fights without thinking first.

It must be the reason for why he takes two steps forward, closing the space between Kaz and him, and kisses him. It’s a chaste kiss, just lips pressing against each other, but Jesper feels stupidly fluttery with it.

He doesn’t think about it until he feels a gloved hand at his neck, inexplicably pulling him closer. Kaz is kissing him back.

Inej is watching them.

It’s the thought of her that makes Jesper pull back, even though Kaz’s hand doesn’t let him go far. (Jesper barely believes in saints, but sometimes he thinks Kaz is made of things not quite human.)

“Inej,” Kaz whispers into the night. Both of them look at her.

Inej is watching them, eyes barely illuminated in the moonlight, and Jesper can’t help but reach out for her. For all his recklessness, he isn’t stupid - he doesn’t touch Inej, he only offers her his hand.

He doesn’t know what he’s offering. Perhaps only a chance for things to change while also not changing at all - it’s still Kaz, her and him against the world.

Inej’s eyes are flickering from him to Kaz.

“Inej.”

There is something in Kaz’s voice that Jesper has so rarely heard before - something longing. And Inej also recognizes it.

She takes Jesper’s hand.

For a second, Jesper swears his heart stops. Then Inej steps forward, fitting herself into the empty space between Kaz and Jesper. Her other hand finds Kaz’s face, pressing against his cheek. Jesper can feel Kaz’s shudder in the hand on his neck, the other man shaking at the closeness of both of them.

Jesper can’t help but watch as Inej draws Kaz down into a kiss, fitting against him like they are two puzzle pieces fitting together.

As if she can read his mind, Inej squeezes his hand, a reminder she hasn’t forgotten about him.

And god, even if he was - Kaz is softening under Inej’s touch, crumbling like Ketterdam’s morose architecture. Inej kisses true to who she is - with gentleness, with reverence. She kisses Kaz like he might be a saint after all, and Jesper can’t imagine what that feels like.

Then Inej pulls back slowly and turns to look at Jesper, smiling.

Oh, he thinks. When he leans down, Inej meets him halfway. Her lips find his, both of them still holding onto Kaz, and it feels like falling into place.

you can also find this on ao3!

#kaz x inej x jesper #kaz x inej #kaz x jesper #inej x jesper #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #jesper fahey #shadow and bone tv show #six of crows #shadow and bone #bee writes fanfiction #fandombee.exe #my writing #let's try if a different format will get people to engage with my writing :')

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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[IMAGE ID: The art was made by @bisexualoftheblade! A header featuring the title 'to burn out forever or light up a spark'. The text is white, with a red layer under it. The background of the image is part of the aurora borealis/northern lights, illuminating the upper part of the background in green light. The lower part is dark, and it's also where the title text is featured. END ID.]

May I present... to burn out forever or light up a spark!

My contribution for this year's Batfam Big Bang @batfam-big-bang is done!

I want to say thank you to my lovely Opal City team - you all made this experience incredibly, and I'm so thankful to have had you all on my team!

@nycis and @qualitytothetea, without you, this fic would be swiss cheese. You were fantastic betas, and I think if you were vigilantes in Gotham, crime rates would drop to about zero in like, two weeks.

@babbilon and @kuppatan, it was such a pleasure to watch your drafts become full blown artworks! It’s incredible to see my words turn into art, especially to see the emotions splayed out in your art - I had to wrangle them into this fic, but you two make it seem so effortless!

@bisexualoftheblade, hearing you read out my fic and painting a picture with your voice is unbelievably stunning, and I’m so happy you asked to do podfic! I don’t have words, it’s just so cool.

And a shout out to the mods of @batfam-big-bang - you are amazing, and it’s only thanks to you that this made it out of my head after 1.5 years in my drafts.

to burn out forever or light up a spark

Summary:

Tim Drake is fifteen years old when he dies. His family falls apart, and pulls itself back together, grieving and shattered.

And then Tim comes back.

But the man reborn in the pit isn’t the kid they lowered into the ground. Faced with this new Tim, the family has to ask themselves: can the dead really come back? Or is Tim only a hollow shell of the person they loved and lost?

Trigger Warnings and Tags:

Graphic Depictions of Violence

Major Character Death (Tim Drake Dies And Comes Back)

Lazarus Pit Side Effects (DCU)

Grief/Mourning

Alternate Universe - Role Reversal / Batkids Age Reversal / Reverse Robins

Explicit Language

Heavy Angst

Hopeful Ending

A very sad but very representative snippet:

Bruce just wants to go home. He doesn’t care about this project right now, he just wants to go home and sleep and hole up for the worst day of his year. (And of every year to come.)

Bruce had always thought his parents’ death would be the worst day of his entire life. He had never thought he would have children, and he could have never imagined he would have to bury them. It’s not fair, but nothing in this cursed city is ever fair.

The investors and the architects and the board member who dragged him here are not even particularly interested in what he has to say, he’s just supposed to nod and hand over checks, and he doesn’t know why he’s here. There is no point to it.

He wants to go home.

He wants to wake up from this nightmare of having a dead son. But he can’t. There is no waking up from this. Not today, not tomorrow, and not on the anniversary of Tim’s death.

The whole fic is up now (all six chapters in one go) and you can find it on ao3!

#batfam big bang 2021 #to burn out forever or light up a spark #bee writes pit tim au #batfam big bang #dc comics #batfam #batfamily #batman #reverse robins #bruce wayne #damian wayne #tim drake #damian al ghul #ra's a ghul #bee writes fanfiction #fandombee.exe #thank you to everyone who helped make this happen <3 #i'm very thankful to you all!

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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you can be the hero and I can be the monster

This is my contribution for Star-Spangled Big Bang 2021, moderated by @starspangledbigbang!

This fic has been a real struggle. But it's very dear to me, so I will try my best to finish it soon - the magic and the words aren't working with me right now.

I hope you enjoy this work nonetheless, and please go check out my artist @artgroves: her work is absolutely showstopping! Thank you so much for your patience and hard work!

• • • • • • • • •

chapter 1: i feel like a monster, i’m just here to haunt you

[Bucky]

It’s already late when Bucky enters the tavern. The night clings to him like a cloak, and people barely glance at him. He pulls his cloak tighter, keeping his head down as he steps up to the innkeeper.

This is one of the places he knows he will always be welcome - even with his skin tinted red and his eyes the colour of the full moon, but he doesn’t want to scare everyone else out of the inn.

Placing his backpack near his feet, and resting his body against the counter for a moment, Bucky piles some coins on the counter.

“A room for one.”

Glancing up from the counter, he finds Tony smiling at him, unbothered by his sharp teeth. He hands over a key with a wooden number attached. “Breakfast in the room, as always?”

Bucky grabs the key, the leather of his glove brushing against Tony’s skin. He nods.

Before he can make his way upstairs, Tony catches his elbow.

“If you are interested, I have a quest for you.”

There is this strange spark in his eyes, the one he only gets when talking about quests - Bucky would think it magic if he didn’t know that it’s not. (He checked.)

“What’s in it for me?” Bucky crosses his arms in front of his chest, trying to look uninterested, as if Tony doesn’t know he’s almost always looking for a quest, or work. Sometimes a quest can be both.

Tony’s eyes soften a little. “Besides glory and seeing the world? Finding a magical item that could destroy the world. Or save it, in the right hands.”

Redemption, in other words. Something Bucky has been longing for, and Tony has recognized the wish in him because he had longed for it, too, once upon a time. He had found it here, in humbling himself by having this place for lost souls to rest on their travels. Bringing peace to their travels, instead of war and unrest.

“I will think about it,” he grumbles.

Tony smiles at him, his brilliant customer smile, but there is a genuine note to it. “Great! Come down, tomorrow night, if you decide to join the party.”

Bucky sighs, but nods softly. “Good night, Tony.”

• • • • • • • • •

[Sam]

Sam is not against working with a group, but going on a quest with only strangers? That sounds risky.

But he’s willing to trust Tony, so if he thinks that this is the best idea, then Sam will listen. That decision leads him to sit here, cramped into one corner of Tony’s tavern, waiting for both Tony and the rest of their quest party.

So far, two people have introduced themselves to him: Sharon, a human woman, and Wanda, an elven woman.

Sharon is dressed in clerical robes, her amulet pledging allegiance to her god or goddess resting on her chest. Sam hasn’t asked who she follows - it’s not exactly considered rude, but he still finds the question of faith something deeply intimate, so he doesn’t want to pry.

Her robes are dark blue, like the sky surrounding the moon at midnight, so Sam assumes she might be pledged to a god or goddess related to nature or maybe knowledge?

Wanda is dressed in simple robes, the greens and browns appearing strangely comforting to Sam. Her hair is braided back, revealing both her pointed ears and the subtly non-human beauty of her face. Even in the warm glow of the fire burning inside the tavern, her skin has an almost blue-ish tint, like a perpetual mist/frost clinging to her person. There is a physical stillness about her that reminds him of being frozen in time, of eternity.

Sam’s fingers are drumming a beat on the wood of the table when Tony steps up to the table. He seems satisfied to have the three of them here, but his eyes are glancing around the room as if he’s waiting for another person.

Sam gives him a small wave. “Is this everyone, Tony?”

Tony smiles at them, but shakes his head. “One more.”

Before Sam can ask who they are waiting for, or how they’d recognize them, Tony is gone already, called away to another patron of the tavern. Sighing, Sam faces the rest of the party again. “I guess we’ll wait a little longer then?”

Sharon and Wanda both nod, seemingly unbothered. “I’m not busy,” Sharon adds, and her smile makes Sam feel a little better.

Then, finally, someone steps up to their group, shrouded in a cloak that seems to swallow all the light around them. The stranger’s head is bowed, so Sam can’t make out anything beyond the vague shape of a face.

“Are you the party Tony is assembling?” The stranger’s voice is deep and rough, but there is a timid quality to it that surprises Sam.

“Yes,” Tony says, having appeared suddenly to the left of the man. Sharon seems as surprised as Sam, but Wanda doesn’t even twitch.

The stranger nods. Pushing the hood of his cloak back, the man reveals ram’s horns, black and glinting in the light. They curl up over his head, the ends dangerously pointed.

Sam can feel the way the atmosphere shifts not only at their table, but in the whole tavern. Tieflings are rarely trusted by most people, feared for standing out too much. The man’s silver eyes are defiant, though - as if he is daring any of them to say something.

Sharon is faster to recover than Sam. “Sit with us.”

She gestures to the empty seat next to himself, and the man doesn’t smile, but the tension in his face eases. He sits down between Sharon and Wanda, neatly folding his hands in front of him. His hands are gloved, the leather looking well-used. For a second, Sam wonders why he is wearing them, thinking it strange to wear gloves well into Sprout.

But then Tony claps his hands, and he’s distracted. “Alright! Now that everyone is here, it is time to tell you about the quest.”

Tony’s eyes suddenly take on a mysterious glint, the charming innkeeper fading away for someone more adventurous, someone with a spark of magic in his mind.

Sam finds himself leaning forward without his intention, and he sees the behaviour mirrored in most of the party around the table. The atmosphere has become mysterious, expectant. They are about to witness a big secret, and they all know it.

“The item you are going to retrieve is one of great power. In the wrong hands, it can be a weapon of destruction. In the right hands, however, it can be wielded for protection.”

Tony looks around the table, capturing each of their eyes for a moment. “I asked you here because I know you, because I believe you will know what to do with an item like that when you find it.”

There is a moment of heavy silence, the weight of this quest sinking in. Then Wanda speaks up, her voice melodic but sharp. “Where is this item?”

Tony smiles, fishing a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. “It’s in the Hydran mountains.”

Sharon and the tiefling grimace at the same time, both of them making a face as if they just bit into something sour. Wanda seems to be okay with wandering up the deadliest mountains in the country, which, for some reason, doesn’t surprise Sam. She seems pretty much unshakeable, from the short time he has known her.

“We’ll need rope. Warm clothing. Potions against frostbite, maybe?”

Sharon has produced a tiny quill - genuinely the smallest one Sam has ever seen - and a piece of paper and is scribbling down notes. Tony’s mouth does the little quirk when he wants to smile, but holds it back, and Sam relates. Seeing Sharon basically write down equipment like a food list is kind of amusing.

Sam gets sidetracked when Tony rolls out the map, mapping out their travel route with a finger, somehow leaving a pale red track on the paper. Whether it’s magic or alchemy, nobody knows. With Tony, it could always be both.

“This is where you will be travelling. Until you get to the mountains, you can mostly stay on already existing tracks, so you shouldn’t run into too much trouble.”

The tiefling mutters something that suspiciously sounds like: “You always say that, and yet.” Tony shoots him a glare that makes it obvious they have history, and Sam finds it surprisingly easy to imagine them as friends. They just seem to have an ease between them, a trust that reminds Sam a little of Natasha and Clint.

Coughing, he decides to throw in a question that’s been in his mind for a while: “How long will this quest take?”

Tony turns to look at Sam, a thoughtful crease between his eyebrows. “It depends a little on how fast you’ll find the entrance to the caves, and how fast you’ll find the item. But you’ll need two full days to and from the mountains, and a full day to climb up to the caves. With no interruptions... at least seven days?”

Nodding, Sam makes a mental note to write a letter to Sarah, so she won’t worry. He expected a travel time of about a week, and this is shorter, so it’s only to confirm, but he doesn’t want her panicking if he doesn’t show up on time. Quests have a tendency to be longer than planned, and from seven days up to nine, which would be a full week, that happens easily.

Sharon’s head pops up from her notes. “Caves?”

Tony sighs. “I was getting there! You keep interrupting!”

Reflexively, Sam raises his hands to signify alright, shutting up now, and he can see the tiefling’s hand twitching in a similar way. Their eyes meet across the table, and Sam can’t help but think that there is nothing scary about the man’s silver eyes. They remind him of the full moon, or of its reflection of almost still water.

Then the other man looks away, and the moment is broken, a stone disrupting the surface of the water and splintering the light apart.

Tony continues, pointing to the mountains on the map. “Once you reach the mountains, you will have to climb up to the caves. The entrances are somewhere about halfway up. You will enter snowy territory, so take warm clothes. When you find the caves, you will have to look for the item.”

Here Tony pauses, probably for dramatic value, but the tiefling takes the chance to throw in a question: “What does it look like?”

Tony’s eyes go back to the manic glow they had in the beginning. “That’s the thing. Nobody knows. But it’s said that the magical energy of it is so strong that you can’t miss it. Just follow the magic in the caves, and you will find what you are looking for.”

Looking at the other three people, Sam finds a thrill running down his space. He knows that this makes the quest harder, of course, but it’s also exciting. They might find something incredible.

“Do you accept this quest?”

• • • • • • • • •

you can also find this fic on ao3!

#my writing #bee writes fanfiction #fandombee.exe #sambucky #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sharon carter #wanda maximoff #marvel movies #mcu #d&d au #fantasy au #starspangledbigbang #star-spangled big bang

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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if Neal not in love with Peter and Elizabeth, why look offended when seeing Peter with another woman? hm?

#neal caffrey #peter burke #elizabeth burke #neal x peter x elizabeth #white collar #fandombee.exe #me lb #me lb white collar

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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tell me a lie

Fedyor loves his husband and his unmatched loyalty to their people. That’s why he would never ask him to choose between his country and himself.

But then the General sends out another party to hunt for Morozova’s Stag, even though he has no use for the amplifier. Or so Fedyor thinks - until David becomes talkative after a few glasses.

Fedyor is a soldier. He knows there are decisions made by generals that they, as soldiers, can’t imagine making. But there is a line, and forcing someone in chains to take their power is crossing it. That is not a decision, it’s abuse of power.

And further, it doesn’t make sense. Alina wants to destroy the fold - Fedyor has no doubts about that. But the General wants to make her a slave to his will, and the only reason for that would be that he does not want the Fold destroyed after all.

Fedyor swore to serve his people, and Alina is his people now. A hurt against her is a hurt against him. He can’t protect Alina in the Little Palace, though, and he can’t leave it without his husband.

Ivan is pacing up and down. “What you’re suggesting is treason.”

Fedyor won’t ask Ivan to choose him over his country - but perhaps over his General.

“I know. But what he is planning to do to Alina is not right. He wants to force an amplifier on her, and then modify it so he can use her abilities.”

Ivan stars at the wall, hesitating. “Maybe it’s the only way.” Even as he says it, Fedyor can hear that he doesn’t quite believe it himself.

“We both know Alina could destroy the Fold without an amplifier, with the proper training. It’s not about the fold - it’s about power, Ivan.”

Ivan is very quiet. But Fedyor knows he is still listening, that he is still willing to hear what Fedyor has to tell him. It’s one of the things he loves most about Ivan - that he is willing to listen, even when he initially disagrees. That he is willing to be confronted with arguments and evidence.

“You can still serve our people without serving him. Actually, I think you can only truly serve our people when you don’t serve him.”

___________________________________

When she wakes up, there is this distinct feeling in her bones that she’s not alone in her room. Then the shadows move, and Fedyor steps out of them, his hands raised. “Alina.”

She trusts Fedyor - maybe not as much as Genya, but he seems to have a good heart.

“What are you doing here?”, she whispers back. Fedyor steps forward, kneeling down next to her bed. It makes him smaller than her, putting him in a vulnerable position. Alina finds it both strange and comforting.

“You have to listen to me. You are in danger. People inside the Little Palace are out to hurt you.” Fedyor’s eyes are unreadable in the dark, but the moonlight is sufficient enough to illuminate his face. He looks worried, almost scared.

“But Aleksander would never let anyone in here who would harm me.” Alina brings up a hand to pull the blanket closer, the warmth comforting against the unsettling feeling in her chest. It’s not like Alina always felt comfortable in the Little Palace - but she felt safe. The idea that someone might be waiting for a chance to hurt her is frightening.

In the moonlight, the worry lines in Fedyor’s face seem to deepen even further. “I worry the General is the danger, Alina.”

She shakes her head before she even realizes she is doing it. Aleksander wouldn’t hurt her - she knows that. He wouldn’t-

Fedyor seems to see the struggle on her face. His face seems to soften, still worried, but his kindness seeping through. “He’s hunting for Morozova’s Stag, Alina.”

He hesitates for a second, but then he presses on. “And he has asked David how to tie your amplifier to someone else’s powers. How to use someone’s powers after giving them an amplifier.”

The words carve into Alina like a knife. There is only one reason for Aleksander to need that knowledge - to access her powers. To make her serve his purpose. She thought they were on the same side, she thought she could trust him-

But she remembers Genya telling her, do not trust powerful men. Power corrupt people. The more power, the more corruption - and Aleksander has more power than most people. He might be just as, if not even more powerful than the King.

A hand carefully touches Alina’s, drawing her out of her thoughts. Fedyor looks at her, expectantly. “We have to get you out of here. Tonight, if possible.”

As if in a trance, Alina nods. Then she squints at Fedyor, thinking. “Why should I trust you after you told me this?”

Fedyor nods, his movements gently. “I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to trust me, Alina. I’m sorry.”

He carefully takes her hand, pressing it to his neck, leading Alina’s fingers to find his pulse point. His heartbeat is steadily beating against Alina’s skin, the only solid thing Alina can hold onto. Fedyor’s eyes catch hers in the dim light, holding her gaze. “I promised to protect Grisha when I became a soldier. I promised to protect our people. And the General might believe he is doing the same thing, but the price is too high. If one of us is in chains, none of us are truly free.”

His heartbeat hasn’t stuttered once. He is telling the truth - or a very good lie.

“Tell me a lie”, Alina whispers into the dark between them. Fedyor smiles for a heartbeat, before his serious expression returns. “I won’t miss the Little Palace.”

If she had not been looking for it, she wouldn’t have felt it. His heartbeat flutters - it twitches, like the eyes of someone darting away. It’s strange how a lie can make her feel safer than the truth.

She nods.

you can also find this on ao3!

#ivan x fedyor x alina #ivan x fedyor #ivan x alina #fedyor x alina #ivan (grisha verse)#fedyor kaminsky #alina starkov #shadow and bone #shadow and bone tv show #grisha verse #fandombee.exe #bee writes fanfiction #my writing #i forgot to post this here yesterday

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foxhanbin · 3 years

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mending

author’s note: trigger warning for PTSD, chronic illness, past sexual abuse/sexual trauma, gambling addiction, selective mutism, and haphephobia (fear of being touched or touching others). also minor spoilers for the books!

Sometimes he can’t stand touching people. Their hands feel like crawling insects. Kaz would rather break their fingers than allow touch.

The problem isn’t knowing when he doesn’t want to be touched - it’s telling Inej and Jesper. Not because they don’t respect it, but because he is torn between wanting them to touch him and being unable to stomach what he’s being given. He wishes he could stand their touch, at least.

Other days it’s hard to speak. Hearing his voice, grating like stone on stone, reminds him of the firepox, of Jordie, of his death. He will never know what his voice could have sounded like, and he can’t change it now. The rasp, the damage is old and grown into his body. But sometimes it’s too hard to bear the reminder, so he doesn’t speak.

Inej and Jesper don’t push him on those days. Instead, they teach him the few hand signs they know in Kerch, mostly food and simple phrases. But they are enough. Nothing important will happen on those days anyway - when he can’t talk, he won’t go out for business.

•

Sometimes, being with Kaz and Jesper is hard.

Because they are skilled and dangerous, and usually that makes Inej feel safe. But sometimes the memories of the girl in the Menagerie come back up. Then she can’t help but feel afraid - not of Kaz or Jesper, just afraid. There is a fear settled into her bones, so deep that not even being safe can change it.

Those days Inej flinches, almost imperceptibly, when someone yells in her proximity, or when someone raises a hand too fast. She can’t stomach the smell of certain foods - they cling to the room like spirits of the past.

She prays to the Saints a lot when she feels like this. She makes a point to remember the girl she was, to honour her. She survived, and she became strong and free, and it doesn’t erase the pain she went through. But the Saints went through pain, too, and it was to lead them to where they had to be - and Inej believes that no pain, no horrible thing done to one by another human, happens without reason.

•

Sometimes, the urge to gamble is a living thing inside of him. Jesper can barely look at a game of cards or at dice without feeling the urge to pick them up, to play until he feels the spark of danger in his veins. He knows it’s an addiction, and more than that, a risk to not only his wallet, but also to Kaz and Inej. It’s the latter that makes him want to quit.

There are days where he knows he would follow the sounds of cards right into the first bar. So he doesn’t go out, instead hiding in one of their rooms. Inej and Kaz don’t push him to talk about it - they just stay with him, allow him to exist in pain, offering comfort when he wants it.

you can also find this on ao3 - subscribe to my polyamorous shadow and bone series? :D

#kaz x inej x jesper #kaz x inej #kaz x jesper #inej x jesper #shadow and bone #shadow and bone tv show #six of crows #bee writes fanfiction #fandombee.exe #my writing #this ship has been asked for so often these past few days - i simply had to go back to them

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