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witchfall · 1 year

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mastermind

[Fallen Hero series. Set post-Retribution, after an innocent MC crash ending. Chargestep; River Basri and Ricardo Ortega. 1236 words.]

Sometimes love is just an admittance of weakness.

Charge.

Meet me alone. 21:00. I have information the Rangers need to know but I trust no one else.

But please note, I have collateral to ensure you follow directions.

Two letters: RB.

Eventide.

—

Eventide waits.

She thinks of herself as the sliver of the sun right before the sky turns dark and leans into that blue until her thoughts stop seething. She ignores the twisting of her gut and the shaking of her hands. She is the darkening horizon. She is the sign that their day has come to an end.

Remember this, before you shatter everything that came before.

Her phone rings, shrill and treacly. No. It’s River Basri’s phone. After tonight, River Basri may no longer exist, and it is better to start that separation now than tumble into it, smarting from loss. “Sparkles” is calling. The chessboard is set. Will Ortega sit at the table and play?

She flicks open the phone with one hand. “Oh, good,” she says, voice twisted into shadow. “You got my message.”

The staticky pause is heavy enough to weaken her knees.

The fury is deep and dark. “If she’s hurt, I’ll—”

“Save me the bluster, Charge. Meet me as directed and it will be worth your while.”

Eventide hangs up. Her mouth curves into an unseen smile, mirthless. She can still lie bloodlessly under the mask. That’s good to know. Such smiles may be all she has left, after everything is said and done.

Repentance. Stupidity. It’s the same damn thing.

But god. She can’t live with it anymore.

—

The light comes first, of course. White, simmering brightness. A warning shot, clean, right where her head would have been had she not been searching, searching, searching for his particular kind of static — to the point that perhaps lightning to the face would be better than the migraine building behind her eyes.

“Don’t be an idiot!” she screeches. Her helmet turns her every word into the voice of a shattered black mirror. But this gives him pause, she knows it does, from the way the warehouse falls silent, save the crackling from the crate that had been struck.

His silences always weighed heavy.

“Come out,” she snaps, setting a lure. “I’m not in the mood for this.”

He falls for it, as she knew he would.

“Play stupid games, win stupid prizes,” he growls, stalking in from behind a pillar, face exposed (always, always, why could the man never have settled with a mask) and dark with anger.

She throws her hands up. No weapons. Safe. “Don’t,” is the only word she can say fast enough before he—

He is simply there, when he wasn’t before.

Had she forgotten how fast he could be?

Or—

Unprepared. Not ready. She had not planned for this, had not considered how sharply his fury had been honed in the wake of everything he’d lost. She hadn’t been the only one who survived by cradling the fire of anger until it was hot enough to immolate.

She should fight back, some part of her screams.

Another agrees that perhaps this is what she deserves.

He seizes her by the hood of her cape. “Give me one reason I don’t end you right now.”

The quip sparkles on her tongue. Why Charge, is this what you’re like when there’s no cameras around? How fun. How interesting. So you were a bully all along.

“Wait,” she sputters. She sees her endless reflection in his black eyes. “Ricardo.”

Has he put it together yet? Is that why his hands loosen on the cape? Is he catching up? He’s always been smart; she’s always lied to herself, thinking she could beat him. It was never beating. It was only ever balance — her plans to his acts. Two halves of one fighter.

Molded from broken shards, now.

Her hands slowly move to her head and…

No. He knows. He knows. The way he stumbles back seconds before the helmet comes fully off, the way his eyes widen like she’d just slapped him, the way his limbs tighten inward like all the blood in his body froze.

She lets the helmet fall from her hands. Lets it bounce on the cement, echoing.

Silence lingers and then…

She can’t help it: “Why can’t you ever follow directions?”

“Are you fucking serious right now, River?”

She squints, not quite sure what to do with that tone.

“Why would you use yourself as collateral? Do you have any idea—”

“It made you come alone, didn’t it?”

His hands run through his hair. She’s surprised it doesn’t stand on end. She can feel his static from here. “I was going to kill you.”

“Maybe you still should.”

“Don’t.” Sharper than any weapon. “Don’t.”

She keeps her mouth shut. She licks her teeth.

His gaze smolders but remains unreadable. “Why.” It isn’t a question.

“Really?” she snaps back.

“Why don’t you ever—”

“You know fucking why!” She spits the curse at him. The heaviness of it shunts him to silence. He does. He knows. She’d bared all but the very center of her pain to him, while she was healing from the wreck. But even she is a little afraid of Eventide.

“This whole time,” he says, voice dangerously quiet. “It’s been you. This whole time.”

“What, did I embarrass you?”

“Don’t pick a fight right now.”

“I have to,” she says. “This is reality, Ricardo. This is who I am. What I’ve been doing. It’s been this.”

And as usual, he never does the expected thing.

His stance relaxes. He tilts his head. He stares at her, moving pieces on his board. “Little River the rabble-rouser.”

“Shut up.”

“It makes sense.”

This is what she had hoped for, despite everything, but still the words make her body fall into a fighting stance. “Does it now.”

“Eventide doesn’t kill.” He lists things off on his fingers. “They threaten. They talk big. They make messes, but always with a story behind them. You beat our asses at the gala but then…” A memory, surfacing. “You ran away from me. After the party a week ago. Refused to engage. I thought that was weird. After your penchant for monologuing.”

She doesn’t miss the change of pronoun, there.

“And after everything you told us…” His eyes flicker to her arms, protected by armor.

“I wasn’t lying,” she says. Her voice feels too small. “I have information. Hollow Ground. San Francisco. You can arrest me if you want but you know where I’ll go if you do.”

His mouth twists. “There it is.”

And her fury makes its triumphant return.

“Yes, idiot,” she seethes. “I’ve used you and your sympathy. Welcome. I’m sure it must be very painful to hear this, how someone who loves you has a crusade she can’t let go.”

He stares at her openly. She throws herself against the static of his mind, half-hoping she breaks it.

“You couldn’t stop,” he says.

Understanding?

“I thought I would like it.” Sweat slips from her brow. Her scalp is pulled tight by her hair in a bun, worsening her migraine. “I thought I would. I really did. Once upon a time.”

“What changed?”

Something in her crumples, then. Her eyes burn. She bares her teeth. “I think you know.”

“...I found you.”

See. He can play when he wants. “You found me,” she whispers.

“The diner.”

“Yes.” Her hands fall to her sides. “And everything changed.”

#fallen hero #fallen hero: retribution #fh: r #chargestep #ricardo ortega #river basri #i am having way too many feelings about them and so here you go i threw up 1K words #one way i imagine a reveal going after an innocent crash ending

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mortumslab · 2 months

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RTBH chap 3 will come out when i'm no longer self conscious about it.

for now here's a look into how Arya fought the Rangers:

"stay down!"

smack

"guys please stop fighting back!"

smack

"I SAID PLEASE"

#no this isn't how it happened in rtbh or in fh but i like to imagine she felt bad #fhr #fallen hero #fallen hero retribution

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allens-chocolate-dreams · 2 years

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If you're still doing these, pros and cons of dating Matheus?

I thought I had already answered this ask, but apparently I didn't, so! Of course ^_^ Let me see...

Pros:

He's very committed to what he sets up to do, and very loyal once he decides he wants to. He has an "all or nothing" approach, so either he goes all the way through with things or he doesn't. You won't have to worry about half-hearted commitment.

Will notice a lot of details about you and use that to make things comfy for you, which means he'll know just the right amount of pressure to apply when hugging or holding hands with you, if you've been together for a while. Sensory heavenly.

He'll make every baked good you could ever want, just for you. Cookies, pastries, various desserts, anything you could ask for, and you won't even need to ask beforehand once he gets to know your tastes. Might even teach you some recipes! He's a good teacher and will adapt how he explains stuff to make sure you get it.

So sweet and supportive. You can count on him with your problems, he'll support you in any way he can.

Would love it if you asked him for fashion tips. He'll respect your personal style while also helping you with what would work best for what you're looking for. Could be a fashion designer if he wanted.

Good listener. Not just in the sense of listening to what you say and paying attention, but also in the sense of trying to listen before judging, even when he's angry. Unless you happen to argue about something he's sensitive about, it's not common for an argument to escalate... unless you're Ortega.

Always prepared for various situations. Do you ever need a tissue, pen and paper, gloves, extra snacks, or even a hair tie in the middle of a walk? Your problems are over, because he always carries a lot of stuff with him in case he needs it. And if you happen to need something often, he might even start carrying it around just for you. Won't admit it, tho.

If you promise you won't laugh... he might read poetry for you. Maybe. One day. If you promise not to make fun of him.

Cons:

Represses his infodumping because he doesn't want to be annoying :( Please ask him about his interests, I promise you'll learn at least five new recipes.

Despite time being one of his special interests, he has no sense of time at all. Ask him what time it is and he'll probably think it's 2:00 PM when it's 4:00 AM. So you can't count on him to remember the time when doing tasks, if you don't set up an alarm or warn him that it's late, he'll probably just keep doing said task uninterrupted until the end.

His "all or nothing" approach also means he has difficulty stopping something he's already started doing, even if it's hurting him. He's extra hesitant to make decisions because of that; he knows he won't be able to stop easily once he starts something. He mostly would rather not risk this kind of situation. You'll probably have to talk with him about that eventually, because it's very likely it'll affect your relationship in some way.

Prone to bite himself until he bleeds when feeling too dissociative. His chewable necklace helps a lot, but if he's in too much of a bad place emotionally, he might not remember to use it and ending up hurting himself badly.

Has difficulty recognizing when his own loyalty stops being good for him. Because he can't easily stop things once he starts, he's prone to push his own limits beyond what's healthy once he commits to someone to make them happy, which is. Bad.

Also because of that, it's a 50/50 chance of whether he'll talk with you about a problem, or just endure whatever discomfort he's feeling.

Prone to overthink situations so much he'll eventually exhaust himself and go "you know what I don't care anymore" and just do whatever he feels like at the moment. Like I said, his "all or nothing" approach can be either a blessing or a curse.

Thank you for the ask!

#I really thought I had answered this before but nope. just in my imagination #oh well #fallen hero #fhr #fallen hero: retribution #fallen hero: rebirth #allens baked rumblings #oc: matheus carvalho #asks #ask games #pros and cons ask game

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welcometothejianghu · 5 months

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Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 琅琊榜/Nirvana in Fire.

Nirvana in Fire is a 2015 historical series best described as either a complicated succession drama set in the premodern Chinese imperial palace, or the story of a man who didn't die a decade ago and has decided to make it everyone else's problem.

And really, I almost feel silly giving my glib little summary, because Nirvana in Fire is so well-known of a property. It's a classic for a reason, and that reason is that it's legitimately very good. This show is what happens when you adapt a solid story, get a bunch of very talented actors, and throw a huge amount of money at it. It's incredibly popular and highly acclaimed, and it earned all of the hype.

Still, while I bet there are few people adjacent to c-drama stuff who've never heard of Nirvana in Fire, I'm sure there are plenty who haven't watched it. After all, it looks like one of those slow, serious shows with a lot of ponderous talking and no joy. If that's the impression you've been given, I could imagine looking at the 54-episode commitment and saying, I don't need that in my life.

I am here to tell you you're wrong. It is a banger of a show. It's tense. It's funny. It's heartbreaking. It’s exceptionally clever. It’s jaw-droppingly stupid. It’s romantic. It’s tragic. It has smart plots and bizarre subplots. And that's not even touching the thing with the yeti.

So in case you're one of those people who's heard of Nirvana in Fire, but has put off watching it for one reason or another, I'm here with five reasons I think you should try it.

1. Epic Shit

Did you like the Lord of the Rings? More specifically, did you really like the second Peter Jackson film? Great, then you're all set for this.

I guess I could have called this Game of Thrones without the dragons, but that's not actually the vibe at all. Game of Thrones is much more sensational and salacious, with all the blood and butts and what-not. The Tolkien comparison is more apt, I think, because Nirvana in Fire is equally about as wholesome as you can get in a property where dudes are still getting stabbed all the time.

This is a show about vengeance. And yeah, justice for the fallen, sure, that's fine too. But mostly it's about a bunch of good people joining forces to make sure the bastards who did wrong pay, with their lives as necesary.

The problem, though, is that these bastards are incredibly powerful, which means that a pure brute-force approach isn't going to work. Accordingly, this quickly becomes a story about the power of smart teamwork to exact retribution on some people who can (and did!) legally get away with murder -- and our heroes are some of the people with their necks most on the line if anything goes wrong.

Don't let the Middle Earth comparison fool you into thinking this is all epic swordfights. It's not. (I mean, for one thing, as well-funded as this project is, it doesn't have Peter Jackson Money.) The vast majority of the tension in the show comes from dialogue and slow, terrible realizations. The fight scenes are almost a relief from the nail-biting intensity of intimate conversations about getting a letter from somebody's ex-wife or returning a book.

All told, the show has that incredible almost-RPG vibe of going through all the little subquests and cutscenes you find along the way to defeat the final boss. The plot carefully unravels a multi-tendriled mystery told to you by people in incredible costumes. It doesn't get much more epic than that.

(Nirvana in Fire is also a cautionary tale about how you should be very careful with who gets invited to your birthday party.)

2. A chronically ill protagonist

Okay, right in the first episode, it is established that the main character has three whole completely different names and an old nickname. I'm going to call him Mei Changsu for the duration of this rec post, but let the record show that I could just have easily gone with one of the other three.

What you learn in that same first episode is that Mei Changsu used to be a palace insider, the cocky son of a noble family, only now nearly everyone he used to know thinks he's dead. Also, he's not far off from being actually dead -- he has an unspecified terminal condition that's mostly managed, provided he stays in his little mountain hideaway with his handsome doctor bestie and doesn't return to his old stomping ground and start kicking over hornets' nests.

So guess what he's about to do.

I have to make a note of how brilliant the casting is here: Hu Ge is an action actor! He is a kickpuncher of a man! And I think it's great that you can sort of see his frustration, as well as Mei Changsu's, at having to spend the whole series wrapped in countless layers of fabric and/or lying in bed while everyone around him gets to be the badass action heroes.

Mei Changsu's not faking it, either -- he's actually dying. He expends his energy where he thinks it's necessary, and sometimes that means he has to spend the following week in bed. He's constantly frustrated with himself for what he can't do anymore. He's racing a clock, and that clock is his own failing body. If he dies, the only hope anyone here has for justice dies with him.

He gets two love interests that the show treats pretty much equally. One's a lady general who wasn't even a love interest in the book. The other's the handsome prince who was initially going to be his textual romantic partner in same book, until the author hopped genres from danmei to general historical drama. I can't even call this a love triangle, because there's no competition. He just gets a wife and a husband -- in that he gets neither, because circumstances and his own illness keep him distant from them. He lies to both of then about his condition (among other things). He wants to be with them both and knows he can't be with either. And they in turn have to learn to accept what of him they can and can't have.

(Also, Nihuang (her) and Jingyan (him) are both incredibly gorgeous, which is exactly what bisexual genius Mei Changsu deserves.)

Obviously this isn't a perfect representation of life with chronic illness, largely because Mei Changsu is an incredily wealthy man who lives in a universe with what's basically magic medicine. However, I've seen the story's treatment of him and his condition resonate with a lot of chronically ill viewers, so even with the fantasy layer on it, there's definitely something there.

3. Dave

I have already told the story of how Meng Zhi became "Dave," but long story short, he's such a Dave that I legitimately forget his character's real name. He embodies Daveness. He's The Ultimate Dave.

Dave is an excellent fighter, a loyal friend -- and a terrible liar. He's possbly the only straightforward character in the entire show. When he's asked to be duplicitous, he's comically bad at it. Dave will never do a heel turn. I was misled at first by his semi-evil facial hair, but I have seen the error of my ways. Dave is pure lawful good.

And the reason I list Dave as such a selling point is that having a Dave means you always know what's going on. This is because Dave never knows what's going on, and he has no ego about that, so he asks questions, and other characters have to explain to him what just happened, and that is how you figure out what's going on.

It's an incredibly smart move on the drama's part, because some of the (very fun) schemes are so complicated that there's no way for you, the viewer, to understand them just by watching. Without the internal monologues and omniscent narration of a book, the machinations are opaque. You need things explained -- but why would the schemers explain their schemes? Well, Dave needs some exposition, so here you go.

So if you're worried that you might be left feeling stupid by a show where so many sneaky people are hatching so many complex plans, worry not! Like the good man he is, Dave has your back.

4. A Million Amazing Antagonists

If you like bad guys, this is a show for you. This show has brilliant bad guys all the way down. It has bad guys at every turn. It has bad guys for every taste. Welcome to Big Liang's Big Bad Guy Emporium, where we guarantee you'll walk out of here with a bad guy you like, or your money back!

(And yes, this set of pictures is also to say that their costume budget was entirely well-spent.)

Without getting too far into spoilers, I will say that the basic situation underlying the whole series is this: The emperor has done a lot of bad things, and he has enlisted a bunch of people's help in hiding those bad things, so much so that many of those other people have done even more bad things the emperor didn't even know about -- and then everyone has gone to great lengths to cover those up as well. Our protagonists spend the whole series unraveling this colossal shitshow and bringing people to task for their crimes.

So really, if you're going to spend 54 episodes taking down the baddies, they've got to be baddies you love to see taken down. And these are -- in part because all of them have crystal-clear, rock-solid motivations for their actions. Nobody here is a moustache-twirling comic-book-villain baddie. They're all bad for reasons that are very understandable in their individual contexts. And not a single one of them is going to go down without a fight.

5. World's Best Mom

(Sidebar: The fact that four out of five of my reasons to watch the show are individual or groups of characters should be your strongest indicator that this is an intensely character-driven story.)

This is not a Dead Mom Show. Okay, some moms are dead, but mostly this is a Moms Are Alive And Often Cause Problems Show, which is a lot of what makes the palace drama so delicious. But there is one Good Mom who stands out above all the rest: Consort Jing.

Played with perfect grace and devastating politeness by the stunning Liu Mintao, Consort Jing is a skilled doctor and excellent baker who starts the show with a low-level status among the women of the palace. She swallows down all kinds of mistreatment because she's not in a place to oppose it -- and when she can retaliate, it must only be through soft power. She loves her jock son with all her heart, but because of both their relatively poor positions in the hierarchy, she doesn't get to see him all that much. She wants to be an asset to him, while all the time she has to fear becoming a liability.

She is also the smartest person in any room that she's in, unless she's in a room with Mei Changsu, and even then it may be a tie.

There are lots of great characters in the show that I could have highlighted here, and plenty of them are women, but Consort Jing in particular never ceases to impress me. She is trapped in a gilded cage, married to a man who [lengthy list of spoilers that are traumatic to her in particular], and held hostage by how every time she even looks like she's out of line, it puts both her and her boy in danger. She's the most vulnerable of any of our good guys. Kind of like Wang Zhi, she's got to be clever or she's dead.

Consort Jing is not part of Mei Changsu's original plan. She figures out his plan and makes herself part of it -- and entirely remotely, as she and he aren't even in the same room until episode 40 or so. She puts herself in great danger to make sure he succeeds, not because it will necessarily do her any good, but because Jingyan needs him. This woman has been captain of the Mei Changsu/Jingyan ship for like twenty years already.

Oh, and did I mention her outfits?

I love you, Consort Mom.

Are you ready to watch it yet?

Get it on Viki! Get it on YouTube! Get it on YouTube but in a different playlist! (And also maybe get it on Amazon? Not in my region, but maybe in yours.)

I will warn you that it does take off running -- I think I saw someone say it introduces nineteen characters in the first episode? I was worried that I'd be too innundated by situations and flashbacks and names to be able to follow. By the second or third episode, though, I was rolling with it. So if you feel like you're struggling at the beginning, stick with it a bit. See if you don't feel it start to click.

...Man, reading over this post has left me going, oh, but I missed that! and that! and that guy! And yeah, the truth is that there are just so many great things about the show that limiting myself to only five (and being limited to only thirty images) was tough. I'm sure that people reblogging will add their own must-see elements.

Truly, this is a show that deserves its reputation. It may not be for everyone, but if this is the kind of thing that you like, it is a shining example of that thing.

Besides, you have to love a production where everyone was clearly having just a whole lot of fun being big ol' costumed dorks.

#nirvana in fire #lang ya bang #琅琊榜 #i made this #rec post

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punkranger · 8 months

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Between the devil and the deep blue sea

Fallen hero, post-Retribution, 2k, nothing to warn for other than Hollow Ground.

Antoine is called to a new meeting once his legs have healed, there's a task for him, though that's not the only purpose of the meeting.

Part 2 here!

The leather cushions beneath you are deceptively soft, comfort lulling your body to believe it's safe. Meanwhile, the liquor in your glass leaves an impression behind it, like sand on your tongue.

Hollow Ground in front of you again, this time on the other side of a car crash and broken bones. Not that it changes anything, you're fine again – or fine enough to let the armor compensate for the rest.

Not that you get to wear that here.

Testing the waters a little, you settle back more comfortably in the leather armchair, then you slowly, deliberately, place your worn boots on the very shiny top of the very expensive coffee table. Meet his eyes, mirror gray, edged with age. You could say you need to take some weight off your legs, but you'd rather antagonize him than admit weakness. It's a stupid thing to do, a self-indulgent grasp for control, but you also know that sometimes risk pays off.

There's an almost imperceptible hint of annoyance, despite the dampeners and his conscious effort at suppressing it. If you weren't looking for it, you'd have missed the tightness to his lips, and the grip around the glass stiffening – liquid sloshing around chaotically instead of swirling in a controlled spiral. You take a sip of your own drink to disguise a smile, and just wait.

"Ruin." The deep voice is steady, and despite the annoyance it is welcoming. Something about it reminds you of underwater caves you've never seen, amalgamations of memories that aren't yours and the hazy recollections of a distorted world seen through water and glass, before you had memories, before you had a mind. You shift in your seat, disguising a shiver and try to suppress the urge to shake your head. Uncomfortably, you wait for him to continue and drag you out of your own head.

"I have a job for you," Hollow Ground continues, finally. When he doesn't elaborate, just looks over at you with an enigmatic stare, you raise a brow in return.

"And that job is…?"

It might not be smart to be difficult with someone who could crush you and your small organization with a hand-wave, but you have no patience for playing servant and underling.

Not anymore, never again.

Hollow Ground continues to look you over searchingly, as if he's expecting something and you look away from the strangely familiar face, only to find yourself looking at a similarly twisted reflection in your glass. You down the contents of it and set the glass down on the table slightly harder than necessary.

"I need you to find something for me."

You frown, wondering what Hollow Ground is up to. Last time, you got the impression that he was careful, but not intentionally obscure. Not without reason at least. Your eyes flick over to Nocturne who’s standing further back today, almost blending in the shadows along with Jake. Neither let anything show, whether they know what this is about or not is impossible to tell as well.

"I suppose I'm good enough at finding things”, you say slowly, “but to do that I need to know what I'm looking for."

Hollow Ground smiles. The abyss of memories opens at your feet – dangerous, yet inviting. You plant your feet on firmer ground and then lean forward.

"Tell me what I need to know so I can get on with my own business, I.m not here to play servant, unlike some." You jerk your head in Jake's direction, feeling a small spark of glee as he clenches his fists but doesn't move. Hollow Ground drops the smile and leans forward as well.

"You are here on my turf and on my terms," he says, granite eyes trained on you. "I'll take all the time I want, unless you want to renegotiate?"

The threat is clear, yet it's not what makes you shake your head in response. For some reason, you just can't imagine backing out of this deal you have, this alliance. It's the smart thing to do, of course, doing little favors for him and getting the freedom to walk around his territory in return. Learn about it, learn from it.

And in the end, these are much better terms than you had any right to expect after what you did.

"Good," a familiar smile surfaces, baring its teeth, reflected by your own. "Now, I want you to find someone from my organization who disappeared a while ago, years ago. I know they are dead and who caused it, but additional information surrounding the exact circumstances of their death have recently surfaced... Jake will handle the exact details of where you should start your search."

"Why exactly do you think this is something I should do?" You're curious mostly, but seeing his expression darken you realize he's taken it as more defiance, which for once was not what you intended. "I mean, I'm new and not really familiar with your people or how they work, so I don't see why you don't handle this within your own organization." Not strictly true, but he doesn't need to know just how familiar you are. He probably already knows you know more than you claim though, from the look he gives you.

"You know," Hollow Ground says with a reluctant smile, "most people just do what I ask, and trust that I have the best reasons for the orders I give."

"There's plenty of tools around if that's what you want." You see Nocturne shift in the background, smiling? "But as I said before, I'll work with you, not for you. You'll have my trust after I hear those reasons myself."

Hollow Ground raises his brows, a mix of frustration and respect creasing his brow. Then he smiles suddenly, and you wonder if you've missed something.

"Very well, I'll explain the reason I've picked you for this particular job. It's very simple: it's because you'll be benefiting from the information you find as well, it would be a waste of time to send someone else and it will be better for you to learn from the source."

"Learn what?"

"As I said, you should find out for yourself." He gestures to Jake, who steps forward.

"I don't want to rush headfirst into something I know nothing about! Tell me what the hell this is about already!"

Hollow Ground just settles back in his chair, tilting his head slightly, assessing. Jake hovers, one brow raised.

"Really? Because the impression I got was that that's exactly what you liked to do. Was I wrong?"

"That was before."

He just hums, looking thoughtful. You had briefly wondered if he'd had anything to do with the crash, but you doubt it. You'd already agreed to work with him, what could he possibly gain from it? If he'd wanted to punish you he would probably have made it clearer. Maybe he could help you find out who caused the crash, though.

You hesitate, wondering why you feel compelled to trust Hollow Ground with this. It happened in an area he controlled, though, and you are his ally, so it makes sense to involve him, right?

"There's another thing. The accident I was in… I'm sure you know it was no accident." You pause, trying to gauge his reaction, he doesn’t seem surprised but his eyes are opaque and unreadable, like his mind. Maybe it's better to keep this to yourself.

"It made me rethink my approach to things, I don't want to be caught unprepared again." Why are you telling Hollow Ground this? He doesn’t need to know that, those are your personal thoughts… but Hollow Ground is nodding in approval and you feel compelled to continue. "Since this happened after visiting you, do you have any idea who could be behind it?"

"A few, it's being looked into. An attack on one of my allies, on my land, is an attack on my organization." The words have a somewhat routine sound to them, but when you meet his eyes there seems to be more behind it. Somehow that makes you more reluctant to ask for more information. You've already told more than you intended, it's better to try to find out more from your own sources, than risk indebting yourself more to Hollow Ground.

He watches you in silence for a moment, appraising, before he continues.

"If that is all, Jake will go over the details." He smiles again, but this time it's closed, with a hint of finality to it. You guess the bonding session is over, or whatever the hell this was. Why did he even want to talk to you if Jake had all the details? To get a read on you? Well, it's not too bad, you've gotten another chance to study him as well.

"So there actually are more details?" You smile back sharply as you shake his hand with a firm grip. They say it makes you seem trustworthy. "I'm glad I don't have to go looking for this mysterious thing without any clues."

"Maybe I should have you do that next time, it might keep you out of trouble." His grip is also firm. Shows what they know.

"Bold of you to assume you could have me do anything." It's not about trust, it's about power.

"At least you seem to have learnt some caution lately, even if it is somewhat misdirected."

You just stare at him. Face too like yours, wrong, wrong, wrong. How can someone real be wrong like you? You didn't want to think about it, but Ortega might be right about one thing. You hope he is, because if Hollow Ground didn't have a brother that would mean he's more closely connected to the Farm than you thought. You have to assume he'd have sold you out already if that was the case, can't keep looking over your shoulder, there's enough complications as it is without making up new ones. The question is what he wants from you. He seemed to be interested in your villain persona, but once he saw your face he must have seen the resemblance too. Whether it means anything to him, you don't know. If they were close, or estranged… Either way, he must think you might be useful, or he'd have killed you for being an imposter. There's no way he could think you're that person, he'd know, unlike Ortega.

You let go at the same time and you resist the urge to rub your palm on your clothes, opting to put your hands in your pockets instead.

"Until next time." He says and you just nod, sauntering out of the room and trying to hide your discomfort. You still have to talk with Jake. Fuck.

He catches up without a word, though he raises a brow in your direction as he walks past you. So much for being cautious. You're starting to wonder how you managed to not get recycled, caution just doesn't seem to be inherent in you.

Jake leads you downstairs, to another room. It's full of archival lockers and Jake heads to one of them. Pulling out a folder after unlocking the high-tech lock, he turns back to you.

"You're looking for a person called José Marcos," he says, reading from the file.

"What am I looking for him for?"

"He knows where the information we're looking for is stored, ask him to find the records of an ex-inmate-"

"This person belongs to the LDPD?"

"Yes." Jake sneers at you. "That scare you? Wanna go back to the boss and complain?"

You ignore his taunts. Next time you meet him in armor though… "And I'm to ask him nicely?"

"Do whatever you want, I don’t care. Just don't come dragging them behind you, persuasion is expensive."

"Fine. And this inmate I'm looking for?" Someone who worked for Hollow Ground or an enemy?

Jake gives you their name. It means nothing to you and you can't read his mind or expression.

"What exactly am I supposed to find out about this person?"

"Don't know." Jake shrugs. "Suppose it's your job to find out, isn't it?"

"I suppose it is." You don't bother hiding your annoyance. Jake doesn't let anything show on his face but you can tell he's smug about it as he closes the folder and locks it up again.

"Then you'd better get to it," he says, "boss doesn't like slackers and this should be easy even for a newbie like you."

Mentally, you're punching him. Physically, you flip him off.

"I'm leaving, why don't you go back to licking boots, Manalo?"

Ouch.

You rub your shoulder where Jake pushed past you like a brick wall, it didn't dislocate but it almost felt like it. Weren't you going to not be stupid any more?

"Get lost. I doubt we'll see each other again, but if we do I'll make sure it's not for long."

"Promises, promises. You won't get rid of me that easily. But lucky you, I also don't want to see your ugly mug any longer."

Fortunately for you he's already walking away. You go in the opposite direction, hoping there's stairs in that direction too.

This is going great.

#fallen hero #fallen hero retribution #fhr #sidestep #hollow ground #jake manalo #nocturne #my writing

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r-sketchum · 1 year

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So I was playing Fallen Hero Retribution just now, going with one of the three Sidesteps I created, Nox. Went with a kinder, no-killing type of villain, and down the thief road. So, he’s stealing the briefcase from the meeting Captain Blaze is at and, as it is inevitable, they realize something is wrong. So, I can run away, hide or stay and fight. So I went with the hide option, because it matched him being cautious and all, and imagine my face when this man, from ALL the good options he could’ve chosen, with so many better options, hides behind the couch. I- Nox, my precious child, my 30-ish-year-old mid-life crisis child, JUST HOW? WHY? THIS MAN IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MASTER IN NEVER BEING FOUND! Anyway, I’ll need to draw this shit later because I just can’t

#fallen hero retribution #sidestep #he is an idiot your honor #fhr #fhr sidestep

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grimm-tales-gamer · 20 days

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Fallen Hero: Sidestep 2

Wow, I didn’t expect people to be interested in my 20 fallen hero OCs! Here is number 2!

Name: Daniel Ward

Gender: male he/him

Villain name: Anathema

Villainous Role: anarchist

Motivation: justice

Scar: suicide

Reason for gala: money

Where is he now: hanging out with Chen aka dog dad.. with two broken legs.

Daniel is one of my sidesteps who looks put together on the outside but oh boy. He isn’t (I swear I have sidesteps with most of their crap together, we’ll get to them). He doesn’t kill (ever), saves people, embezzles the rich for money, and more. However, he is much more willing to break bones and give concussions than my previous sidestep. What’s funny is that as I was fleshing Daniel’s character out I realized: oh god, he’s kind of like Batman.

I mean it. He doesn’t kill because he knows in his heart that he wouldn’t stop killing. I’m not saying he’d turn I to a joker type; but getting rid of corrupt politicians, bad heroes, and so on is a lot easier when you just break their necks rather than ruin their reputation with scandals and proof of crime. Which is a kind of Batman way of looking at it.. if I remember the red hood movie right.

Daniel’s scar gives him a sort of inevitability to his cause. As a testament to Malin’s writing, Daniel’s inner thoughts from Retribution say it better than I ever could. He knows he can never stop fighting. Even if Daniel finishes his original goal of stopping the farm and whatever else is coming there is still more to fight. He realizes he’ll have to be stopped by someone. So he begins to endure himself to Chen to see if he’d be willing to stop Daniel.

Also around this time is when Daniel realizes Chen totally knows who he is, and after they kiss for the first time, begs Daniel to stop; but they both know that won’t happen (Malin why are you so good at this stuff). Eventually they fall for each other, Daniel may have even told Chen straight up he is Anathema but then the meeting with Hollowground sort of messed that up. If the prologue is anything to go by, Chen just knows, they just need to sit down and talk about it.

Well that was cheery. How about some fun facts?:

He’s had a crush on Julia for years and finally admitted to being in love with her in the hospital at the end of Retribution.. so uh, that’s a conversation they (Daniel, Chen, and Julia) need to have soon. Daniel is *so* looking forward to it.

Daniel has an addiction to caffeine. Coffee, soda, energy drinks, doesn’t really matter where it comes from. But, he prefers coffee. Daniel REALLY likes Turkish coffee.

Daniel actually really likes Argent (platonically) and has an 80+ relationship with her as the villain. He also trusted her with the regenerator.

Daniel regularly rolls and tries to stretch his right shoulder on the account of it always hurting after the heartbreak fall.

He chose his villain name so that Anathema would never be forgotten. At least to himself.

Daniel, in my head-canon, is the best fighter among my sidesteps.

Well how about stats and appearance now? Also armor stuff, I can’t believe I forgot about that in my last post.

Daniel doesn’t have a preference between anonymity and arrogance. Literally ended Retribution with 50/50. Daniel is empathetic at about 80%. As some of you might have imagined, Daniel is daring at about 95%! Daniel prefers his subtle manipulation over his sheer power of mind, his subtlety being around 78.

Armor:

Type: practical, no cape. Simple, no frills, kind of blocky around vital areas and flat areas like shins and forearms but sleek like a body suit everywhere else. Helmet is simple, almost like a military helmet and gas mask combo. Colors are a bit more complex: black with red accents. Usually the red follows joints/bones throughout the body.

Add ons: speed and strength

Extra: I always imagined Daniel duel wielding martial arts batons while in armor.

Daniel’s appearance:

Race: black

Height: tall, I imagine 6.5ft (about 2m)

Hair: coiled and black. Short and styled, kind of a crew cut, shaved on sides and back with a little on top. With a well trimmed beard. Though they both might get a little wild while Daniel waits for his legs to recover.

Eyes: brown

Style: nondescript military surplus. Simple, affordable, doesn’t stick out, and it lasts forever. He also regularly wears sunglasses, aviators of course.

#fallen hero #fhr #sidestep #oc #oc:Daniel

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oldsoul--newmachine · 5 months

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Sleepless Nights Get More Done: A Fallen Hero Playlist

I lived and breathed this playlist for a long time. These are only the songs I conglomerated together while working on the Retribution guide to get me by in the dead of night. In the order that I had added them, over a period of 9 months. You can see the cutoff point, when I was made to think of The Void (just listen, you may understand). It's an interesting reflection for me on where my thoughts were at; I certainly found something special to express about self confidence, and the Outside scar. During this time is also when I finally named my MC Wicke. Shamelessly after John Wick. And also Citizen ("There isn't any miracle... I'm leaving. These are my last lines. Farewell to you, my unknown, to whom, when I came down with 'soul', I revealed all of myself, right down to the last pulverized screw, the last busted spring... I'm leaving.")

I've listed all below. Most having meaningful connection for me, some are just series vibes. I actually removed a few I later decided had no real significance. Snatched a few from other playlists.

Boats on Fire - Seeming

2. If You're Shooting With The Left It Means The Right Side Is Working - Ashbury Heights

3. Sick - ThouShaltNot

4. Blue Lips - Regina Spektor

5. Machine - Regina Spektor

6. Tear Me To Pieces- Meg Myers

7. Celebrity Skin - Hole

8. Sarcasm - Get Scared

9. I Really Want You To Hate Me - Meg Myers

10. Blue - The Birthday Massacre

11. The Green Room Pale - Pale Shapera

12. Bodysnatchers - Radiohead

13. The Fighter - In This Moment

14. Blue - A Perfect Circle

15. The Outsider - A Perfect Circle

16. Annihilation - A Perfect Circle

17. The Invisible Plan - Kidneythieves

18. People Are Strange - The Doors

19. Sections - God Module

20. Floating Angels - Kidneythieves

21. Monster - Imagine Dragons

22. Angry Too - Lola Blanc

23. Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

24. Left For Dead - Ksenia Lewis

25. I'm Back - Royal Deluxe

26. Another Way Out - Hollywood Undead

27. Outside - Staind

28. Blast Doors - Everything Everything

29. Appetite For Destruction - Vo Williams

30. Top Of The World - Dorothy

31. Can't Sleep, Can't Breathe - Digital Daggers

32. Drilled A Wire Through My Cheek - Blue October

33. Dude, Where's My Skin? - Schoolyard Heroes

34. Synthesize Me - Diorama

35. Control - Halsey

36. The Noise Inside My Head - Assemblage 23

37. Cut The Cord - Shinedown

38. I'm Alive - Shinedown

39. Blood Code - Le Castle Vania

40. Sharks - Imagine Dragons

41. Cult Leader - King Mala

42. You Don't Own Me - Nikki Williams

43. The Death Of Me - Meg Myers

44. The Noose - A Perfect Circle

45. White Rabbit - Jefferson Airplane

46. Hurt - Nine Inch Nails

47. Right Where It Belongs - Nine Inch Nails

48. Liar - The Arcadian Wild

49. Coma White - Marilyn Manson

50. I Love You Citizen-Extended Version - Seeming

51. Green Valley - Puscifer

#fallen hero #fallen hero retribution #fhr #fallen hero rebirth #malin ryden #sidestep #fallen hero revelations #playlist #I also like how this photo edit came out #a glitchy green fuzzy grey explosion #what did the nanosurge really look like?#fun fact: the glowy clouds I used are The Nothing from Neverending Story #if you're unfamiliar #“the existence of The Nothing is the result of 'human apathy cynicism and the denial of childish dreams'”#title is a reference to Sidestep AND myself #get some sleep people

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valentinesparda · 4 months

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imagine if i chose to replay fallen hero rebirth and played retribution and actually purchased and played wayhaven chronicles lol wouldnt that be hashtag quirky of me--

#val.txt

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witchfall · 1 year

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what you hear is not silence

[Fallen Hero series. Set post-Retribution. A hypothesis about the Ranch ending...particularly regarding two rangers and their budding Shared Interest.]

[Chargestep + Chargeflystep. A negotiation of what that means. 1718 words.]

[or read on ao3.]

“You’re doing good work, Daniel.”

Ricardo means it, in the momentary leaning on a comrade while covered in blood kind of way, and Daniel, thankfully, takes it that way. “Thank you. I hope so.”

They’re both too tired to play games right now. Both too keyed up, on the edge, despite the easy, distracted smile that graces Daniel’s face after being near River for two minutes, if that.

“Is she doing okay?” Ricardo asks. Because — he’s not so prideful he can’t admit it while at the depths of his exhaustion, at the very least — Daniel can get River to talk about the things she fastidiously hides from them both. She thinks she does a good job of it, too, hiding things from them, which would be funny if it wasn’t so…not.

Ricardo just knows better than to chase those dogs, anymore. Not if he wants to keep her close.

Daniel’s expression flickers from passive happiness to mild distress. “I would say try to drive slower but…” He slips into an anxious laugh. “You shouldn’t. We should just get her there as fast as we can.”

Ricardo nods, taking a pull from his water bottle. He hasn’t let himself sit with the revelations about The Farm. He can’t. If he does, he’s not sure how the rage will come out — just that it will be ugly.

Seven years he thought she was dead and gone, but it had somehow been worse than that.

“Ricardo…”

Right. Here it comes. Another long-needed confession in a night of them. Ricardo focuses on screwing the cap back on.

“You know we…she is…I’m…” A frustrated huff of breath, and then: “We sort of went on a pre-date the other day and we kissed and I really, really don’t want to roll up to your mother’s house without us…acknowledging…that.”

Do you have any idea how absolutely terrifying it is to be in love with you?

He knows it wasn’t a lie. The cold mortification in her eyes was real. The fury, the frustration, haloed by that golden string that keeps bringing them together. Keeps her together.

“I told her we would talk about it with you together,” Daniel continues, voice fast, hand running through his mussed hair, “but she’s so…so scared. She almost…this was…”

His eyes squeeze shut.

“I know,” Ricardo says. “And I had a feeling.”

Another bubble of nervous laughter. “Yeah, I imagine you do.”

“You aren’t exactly subtle, you know?” But the smile is warmer than even Ricardo expects. “It’s nice to see her smile like that. And you,” he tacks on, but he finds he means that, too.

Daniel smiles back — he’s good at that — but it fades quickly into something shadowed by moonlight. “She loves you. I think you should know that, if you don’t.”

A flash of something there. Uncertainty. He can see it in the way Daniel’s mouth turns downward, the way he looks elsewhere. Because while the history between River and Ricardo is sometimes as frustrating as a brick wall, it also binds them like chainlinks — and Daniel isn’t part of that. Doesn’t have something that sturdy. He just has hope. Just has throwing himself into the sky, believing it can work.

Ricardo tilts his head and stares at the asphalt. “I—”

“She needs you. I mean it.”

He turns to meet Daniel’s gaze, surprised by the intensity of the unnecessary rejoinder. He does mean it, in perhaps the most unselfish-selfish way possible. He knows River loves Ricardo. That it may define her in that thorny, bone-deep way, like it has come to define Ricardo, too. But Daniel also knows that this is what heroes do, making sure their happiness comes last, and he won’t be anything less.

Fucking hell is it like looking into a funhouse mirror, sometimes.

“I could never walk away from her,” Ricardo says. This fucking day. It’s entirely the truth, too painfully bare. “But she doesn’t let many people in. You know that.” He thinks about it for a long moment. “She’s lost enough in her life. We’d be real idiots if we tried to…I don’t know…fight dramatically in the street over it.”

His eyes widen. “So you aren’t…”

And this time Ricardo laughs for real. “No, you’re stuck with me. We’re dealing with this. Somehow.”

Daniel’s smile is…

Well, it’s not innocent, he can say that for certain. There’s a knowing there that’s…

Hmm.

“I’ll pretend to be surprised when we talk,” Ricardo says, “if she doesn’t figure out you spilled the beans before then.”

Daniel laughs. He laughs in the face of that danger. He laughs in a way that makes the situation feel fizzy and bright and not cold and dangerous and yawning like a chasm. He gives a small salute, pulls his goggles back on over his face, and spirals away into the sky like that’s a normal thing that humans do.

It’s not like Ricardo doesn’t get it.

---

Once River is all wrapped up in Mama’s loving care, Ricardo excuses himself to the bathroom to stand there and…consider the situation.

He stares at himself in the mirror. At the bags under his eyes and the lines in his face and the grays along his temple.

Of course he was confused about it. The Daniel and River situation. He kept it compressed in a ball, just beneath his ribs — a painful little burr of things he had been pointedly not thinking about. He was focused on keeping her alive, on protecting her from herself; on how determined the universe seemed to be to tear her from him, to turn her into smoke and bone and blood, over and over and over…

At least he revived her this time.

But now it is unspooling and he needs to wrangle it together before he can face her again.

He can’t stop thinking of her bursting into tears the minute Mama greeted her with wide open arms. Too many things make sense now. Of course she would…of course, if you’ve never…

No. Still too raw.

Much easier to think about how Mama noticed immediately that he and Daniel both — for the same split second — became helpless, useless boys waving their arms around trying to figure out how to banish River’s tears from existence before they remembered their professional faces. Which means they’ll have to talk about it. Potentially in front of Mama.

River is going to be so pissed.

But damn, he’ll take it. He really will. If you had told him two years ago that River would be back in his life—

No, honestly, it just stops there. He wouldn’t have cared what the cost was. And if the “cost” is “you will have to make a very interesting arrangement with the new guy on the team who makes you think a little too much” then that’s nothing. That’s less than nothing. He will pay it. So fucking gladly. Just watch.

Even if the cost becomes something sharper, harsher. Even if the cost is “she prefers him over you because he isn’t the past” or “she trusts him because she can read his mind and she’ll never see yours and it will never be the same to just say what you really think.” Even if the cost is a little pin needle like “she frankly finds Daniel handsomer than you.” Really. He’ll live.

Isn’t that what love is about?

She said it first.

---

Ricardo leans into the door frame. "Daniel couldn't stay because he has to go kick up dust over the trail, in case you were wondering."

River pointedly picks at invisible dirt on her blanket. “I wasn’t.”

“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”

Instead of the usual exasperation, she regards him with empty…nothing. An absolute resistance to showing anything at all. Unfortunately for River, that tells Ricardo everything.

"So he talked to you?" she asks.

Is she more scared of this than…the rest of it? Maybe it’s easier to be scared of this. Ricardo covers the ache with a shrug. “Talked to me about what?”

Her expression turns brittle and strange, eyes darting to the quilt. And then she says: “I’m sorry.”

Stunned, his “Why?” comes out sharper than he expects.

“For, I don’t know, everything about it?” Her eyes are shining again, glaring and furious. Someone staring down the car coming right at them, like that might make a difference. “Not telling you first, not talking…about it all, about…I don’t even get it…”

He sees it, suddenly. Clarity. This is what she meant. Lashing out. She can’t twist herself into a perfect shape in prediction of what he’ll say and how he’ll react. She just has to be herself. And damn if that isn’t painful.

Damn if he doesn’t understand.

“You? Not knowing something?” He kneels down by her bedside and reaches for her hands and takes them harshly in his own before she can draw back. “Too many pain killers for you, I think, if you’re admitting that.”

She doesn’t pull away. Even though she says, “Dick.”

“Got it in one.”

Her frown wobbles. He watches textures of words rise to her lips and die before she lets them out. Trying so hard to exert control over a situation that is defined by the complete loss of it.

“Nothing has to change,” he says. “Nothing at all. I didn’t lie to you. And I don’t think you lied to me.”

A shadow passes through her face — the same one that comes around whenever she mentions how complicated her life has become in the wake of her not-death. He still hasn’t puzzled it out.

And then, a commendable recovery: “If you hold it over my head I will kick you in the balls.”

“With what legs?”

Her hands flap angrily in his grip, like that might banish him from existence.

“You looooove me,” he croons at her, darting just out of reach right as her hands shake free. All to watch the orange creep into her face, to watch her eyes glow with some semblance of life and fury and, he would like to think, happiness — though he hasn’t yet seen the proof. That’s fine. He’ll find it.

“Idiot.”

“And I love you.”

“Get out of here before I yell for your mom.”

#fhr #fhr ortega #fhr herald #chargestep #chargeflystep #ricardo ortega #river basri #daniel sullivan #writing practice that got out of hand as usual but that means it may not be super polished sorry #otp: evencharge #ot3: evening sky

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erintoknow · 1 year

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Hello !

I'm sorry if you arleady answered this (I don't know how to use tumblr frankly), but I would like to know if you have any ither writting project ? I really like your stories and how you write, and since I spend too much time on fallen hero: retribution (the reason I'm back on tumblr tbh) I started my annual reading of the Aria-serie (btw I was the anon who asked if she could "print your story for personnal use" and I only realised later than it sound more "kinky" than "I-won't-print-them-to-sell-them-or-idk-do-so-capitalist-stuff-with-it"

hello reading friend, I remember you! c:

it never once occurred to interpret what you said in a sexual way, don't worry haha.

i do have another writing project now but it's unfortunately not one available for reading at the moment though i do post about it on my tumblr here from time to time.

towards the end of working on the Aria fanfic series I was getting really itchy to get back to working on something wholly my own and with my life getting busier, that's why i decided to give that series the little capstone it currently has and start exploring other ideas.

i toyed around with a couple different ideas and writing sketches before settling on that were a couple of character archetypes from the fanfic and plotbeats that i didn't feel 'done' with yet and wanted to explore more on my terms. so i started working on something in june and now like, uh, 8 months later i'm 47k words into my second draft of a novel project i'm currently calling Soul Rebel (i used that for a fanfic title first i know, but it's a good title okay, it stuck with me).

whenever i post about it on tumblr, that's i've been tagging it as too. sometimes i post draft snippets or thoughts or dump a bunch of vibes screenshots, i've got a concept playlist that i keep meaning to finalize and post at some point too because of course it's not my writing if i don't have music associations going on.

i don't have a good succinct elevator pitch for Soul Rebel's concept yet, but basically the core thrust for it comes from a pretty personal pondering of mine which is: when i first came out, i had a choice. i could have a roof over my head, or i could be true to myself. i chose to have a roof over my head, and i always wondered about how things would have worked out the other way. beyond that i've been throwing pretty much a whole bunch of stuff that interests or terrifies me: the effects of climate change and sea level rise on daily life, the totality of the surveillance state, how the advancement in medical care in a capitalist society only widens the gap between the poor and rich, cool superhuman powers (and their not-so-cool side-effects), queer community, being a neurodivergent little weirdo(affectionate), and the essential value of being kind to others in a cruel uncaring world

i could happily keep infodumping about what i've got so far, but this posting is getting long enough that i'll leave it there for now, haha.

i have no idea what i'll do with this novel once it's finished. i mean, obviously i have some vague ideas for another plot line after it that i want to explore, but i mean like, it terms of putting it out there. i can't imagine ever getting to publish it. the publishing industry is a nightmare to navigate, and while this technically won't be my first finished novel (those fanfics get that honor, i guess?) it's still statistically unlikely to go anywhere. would any printing press out there even be interested in a sci-fi novel with a bunch of queer characters and focused on a neurodivergent trans woman and an in-denial Ace enby?? i've been stuck reading a bunch of YA for my job so maybe there's some book i'm missing, but we seem pretty thin on the ground in publishing rep.

my other thought would be to set up a website and post it online serial fiction style, though i'd want to have the whole thing finished first. i value my ability to revise and rework way too much to give that up again, haha!

so... yeah, that's what i've been fixated and working on a lot in my free time. at least, when i'm not spending time with my partner, playing dnd, or reading. and now i have a second job which means even less writing time, tears.

some day i want to go back and give the fanfic a proper conclusion arc, but right now Soul Rebel's got my creative energy fixation

oh geeze, i went on for way too long, sorry about that! it's uh, it's pretty easy to get me talking about this at a drop of a hat rn. anyway, thank you so much for liking the fanfic!!

it means the world to me that people actually like what i write. i went to college for creative writing and it kind of sucked really. i ended up switching to poetry for awhile because a least people weren't tearing me down for it. anyway, it's been incredibly weird in a good way to get, and to continue getting two years on, positive comments on the fanfiction. i never imagined anyone would care or even like what i put out there. i just wrote it solely for myself and threw it on ao3 in a 'eh why not' gesture, so...... thank you!!!!!!!!!

#tiahaumimi #asks #soul rebel #writing process #sorry for talking so much

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