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xxtoothachexx · 3 years

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a/n: I’m currently bleaching my hair to dye it and to desperately ignore the itchiness I’m writing dumb stuff once again. don’t bring up the fact I didn’t include nezuko I barely can write something simple for her

I’m incredibly invested in animals so this was fun for me to do

Pet HCs for the Demon Slayers

Tanjiro

As much as I want to just say he’d get a dog or some normal pet I think he’d absolutely adore a rabbit or some small rodent

He loves it and takes absolutely phenomenal care of the rabbit. It’s just as nice as him and everyone else also adores the rabbit, but it doe have an issue with biting people he doesn’t like

Zenitsu

A very small hamster that he insists is his emotional support despite being as equally anxious as Zenitsu is

It likes to hide in his sleeves or his hood whenever he’s doing work or just hanging out with the hamster

Inosuke

A boar, no I will not explain why

No one knows how or even when he got it. It just showed up and no one has any idea of what to do about it. It will not leave

Kanao

She ended up buying a random hermit crab she felt bad for at a store and ended up falling in love with it

Soon enough she ended up having a whole ton of hermit crabs but she enjoys helping them pick new shells to move into and caring for them

Shinobu cannot keep track of a single one of their names but Kanao somehow can

Genya

Very big bearded dragon vibes coming off of him

Probably gave it some really cute name and takes very good care of it, he likes to let it rest on his shoulder while he does things

Sanemi isn’t allowed to take care of it because a cricket ran up his sleeve while trying to feed it and he never wants to step foot in the room again

Rengoku

The biggest and fluffiest golden retriever you’ve ever seen in your whole life, and it’s just as full of energy as him

It doesn’t have the best training though and has even taken out Tengen jumping on him when Rengoku didn’t put the dog in a different room while opening the door

Shinobu

She would absolutely love orchid mantises and would probably own an unreasonable amount of them. They’re just so pretty and look like little flowers

Other than that she’s probably owned frogs in the past. Her favorites were little poison dart frogs because she’d mortify everyone when she’d just pick them up bare handed

(fun fact w/ maxx: captive poison dart frogs are non toxic because they don’t eat the same insects in the wild that make them toxic!)

Sanemi

Never really found the interest in owning any weird or exotic pets, most of them freak him out or make him uncomfortable

Over the past few years he started adopting senior dogs from shelters to give them a proper home in their last few years and he has a major soft spot for them 🥺

Someone pointed out sanemis beetle I’m kind of an idiot that I forgot it lmao

Tengen

The most annoyingly pampered and spoiled small dog (I can’t decide between a toy poodle or dachshund and idk why those two come to mind)

Bedazzled collar and cool little accessories and all that. It constantly will be looking at others with the most unapproving glare ever

Giyuu

Of course he has cat owner vibes but I feel like he’d own another animal. He has a small and quiet little cat though that he talks to

He bought a tarantula for the sole reason of being able to tell others that it got out so that they’d leave his damn house when he wanted them to

Muichiro

Has co-ownership of a tiny betta fish that Genya helped him win at a festival. He has co ownership because he keeps forgetting to feed it and clean it’s tank

Despite that the fish is surprisingly resilient. It’s launched itself out of its tank on multiple occasions and survived fine till someone found it but heaven forbid Muichiro be ten minutes late to feeding it

Mitsuri

Absolutely another cat lover. Accidentally created an army of stray cats that cry at the front door to be fed every morning. They’re all kind of scraggly but she loves them regardless

Her favorite is an old one eyed calico that Obanai took one look at and named Pirate, she’s very sweet

Obanai

Kaburamaru and a love for snakes is a given for him. He likes ball pythons the most because they’re very sweet and cute!!

He’s had a blue tongue skink for a while too, but he also hates bugs so he makes other people get the insects to feed it (he can suck it up and handle them on occasion)

Gyomei

The absolute chunkiest grey cat you’ve ever seen in your life. It meows a lot to greet him and let him know where it is around his house

It has a habit of walking through people’s legs and causing them to trip. It will do this to everyone but Gyomei

#demon slayer #demon slayer headcanons #kimestu no yaiba #demon slayer imagines #tanjiro kamado #zenitsu agatsuma #inosuke hashibira #kanao tsuyuri #shinaguzawa genya #kyojuro rengoku #giyuu tomioka #shinobu kochou #sanemi shinaguzawa #tengen uzui #tokitō muichirō #mitsuri kanroji #iguro obanai #gyomei himejima

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jleonjackson · 4 years

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FUN THINGS TO DO AT WALMART

I'm going to be ahead of the game and let you all know in advance that not all of these little idess are of my invention but a lot of them are. Still, it was my idea to put them all into s nice, neat little collection. So if you've happen to have heard of some of these before, don't stress out: just enjoy them. I'm sort of the original prankster a long time YouTube was ever invented which tells off on my age somewhat. Actually, my younger girlfriend says that I was around when the Dead Sea was just sick! And being of the older cross section of the population, nobody really expexts something like this from me although I HAVE been asked to leave the store on more than one occasion. And the fact that nobody sees me in the light of a prsnjstrr makes the play out even more enjoyable. So without further ado, allow me to to share my favorite FUN THINGS TO DO AT WALMART! One of the things that also helps the overall thing more of a surprise is that I always wear nice clothing: a pair of dress pants, nice shirt and shoes, and if the occasion presents itself, a tie. MANY years ago I was the director of public safety for a small town. I had just been appointed to the position and was still under contract with another agency where I was generally working undercover. Hence, at the time I shall recount, I was sporting a beard of sorts and long hair which I kept pulled back in a ponytail. One one particular evening, I took it upon myself to get the patrol cars and equipment cleaned, including new ammunition for the squad shotguns. Fairly late in the afternoon, I went to the Walmart in a nearby town and after looking around the store for a bit made my way to the sporting goods area. After finding a clerk, I asked for 6 boxes of double ought buckshot which, for those of you who aren't familiar with the guage, let's just say anything hit with such a load generallyis pretty much torn to shreds. So yhe clerk looked around and advised me that he was out of that guage and offered something different. "No but thanks. I have to have the heavy shells." I replied. After scratching his chin for a moment he looked at me strangely. "Five boxes of buckshot! That's sort of unusual for us. What exactly are you planning on shooting?" He asked. Without looking up from my surveying the stuff in the glass counter, I simply replied : "People." So his face turned a little ashen and he said he would check in the stockroom for my shells which I knew was a ploy to get the hell away from me! And, when he FINALLY returned, he was accompanied by 2 rather large police officers from their local department. I suppose it was lucky for me that one of the cops recognized me snd just shook his head. Still, and needless to say, I didn't get the shells. Now in today's societal climate, I wouldn't necessarily say this is exactly a safe prank. But on the other hand... And sometimes I'm a tee-shirt kind of a guy but not just any tee-shirt will do. I have one that is imprinted with "Cat: The other white meat" and on the back it says: So many cats, so few recipes." A lady from Walmart once asked "Aww, you really don't eat cats, do you?" "Nahh," I replied. "I gave them up for Lent. Besides, Chihuahuas are less greasy." Speaking of eating, one evening close to Halloween I put dark circles under my eyes and walked into a Walmart carrying a rather large black stuffed crow by the legs. I had removed the stuffing from it earlier and filled it with chicken from the Colonel, poured in a bit of ketchup, and while I was walking around the store I was reaching into the stuffed bird and pulling out chicken, eating and allowing the ketchup to smear on my mouth. As I recall, that was one of the times I was asked to leave the store. It wasn't all that close to Halloween for such pranks I was told. "Pranks?" I asked. "I was just having a snack while I was shopping!" While we're on the subject of food, carry some toothpicks in your pocket ss you browse the live fish area. In MY case, I prefer to do this late in the evening about the time the tanks sre being cleaned or serviced. I would ask what they did with the dead fish floating around. "Ummm, we generally just throw them away. Why?" "Can you give them to me in a little container?" I would ask. "Oh. Are you going to take them home for a pet or something?" At that point I would pull out s few toothpicks and hold them up. "Nah. I just wanna munch on them while I'm shopping. I LOVE sushi!' Although I never was actually given any of the little floaters, I have gotten quite a few really strange looks! Priceless! There are a few things that you can do when there are several people around, especially in sporting goods. Ask the clerk to let you examine one of the shotguns in the display case. After he hands it to you, take your time and look it over while asking intelligent questions about it. Sooner or later there will be an announcement over the p.a. system and it's at this point I will suddenly jerk the gun up to my shoulder and aim in in a side to side motion st the ceiling. "There's those damned voices again! QUICK!! Give me some bullets!" People will generally back away and leave the area, if not the store, entirely! Some of these little pranks you should really be careful with because there's a slimest of a chance things won't go as you expected it to go! But what the hell? Spice adds a little zest to life. And I'm sure that you've probably heard about the man and woman at the clothing try-on closets. The man goes inside one of the rooms and after s few minutes he yells out in a really hick voice: "Edna! Could you please run over and grab me some toilet paper? Ain't none in here!" One of the things that I like to do is leave little notes in the pockets of the clothes. Something like: "Help! I'm being held captive by inspector 21!" or, "What were you expecting to find here, money?" Sometimes I might leave a note on a sheet of paper that goes like this: "Hi! My name is Paper. I've been watching you everywhere you go, hoping for the chance to talk to you! Mmm... I love the way you're holding me and caressing me between your thumb and fingers! Don't stop! You're making my ink run! Look, you know that you want me! I can feel your warm breath all over me! So why don't you roll me up into a ball and put me in places no paper has ever gone before! Or gently fold me into any shape that makes you go wild with passion! Just, I'm not into the kinky things like staples or paperclips! Just thinking about you is making my margins wet! Don't worry. I'm not a gossip column so our secret will be safe! Hurry baby!" Of course you can place this in various places around the store such as in a magazine, in a pair of women's jeans, in a package of panties, well, you get the idea. The library is also a good place to pull this off. I recall one evening a terribly rude customer in the produce and vegetable arra was being very snotty to one of the female associstes in the area, to the extent that the girl was almost in tears! I quickly pulled a condom from my wallet (hey, I'm old. I'm not DEAD!!) and surreptitiously removed a cucumber from the lady's cart. The clerk saw what I was doing but didn't say anything. After putting the condom into the cucumber, I placed the cucumber back into the cart, hidden beneath the other groceries. I walked away, past the girl who was getting yelled at and whispered "Follow her to the checkout for the real fun!" The girl did exactly that and I'm sure that she was trying not to laugh hysterically as the lady was trying to explain the condom covered cucumber to the cashier! The old man and the little girls panties. My girlfriend has a twisted sarcastic sense of humor kind of like mine. In Walmart one evening, she was browsing the clothing chemicals, specifically the dye, when aa associate asked if he could help her. be Without missing a beat, she glanced at him and shrugged. "I don't know. See, I bought a cat today and I was looking for like a multicolored calico cat but all I could find was a cute white kitten. So my question is, do you have something that would be groovy for a tie dye look? Especially something that won't fade out in yhe dryer?" The associate had a surprised look on his face and shook his head. "Are you serious? You can't tie dye an animal like that! Don't you know that you cannot put a live cat in the washing machine or dryer?" She giggled a bit. "Well duh! I was talking about a STUFFED cat! I found out that you can't tie dye a live animal when I tried it with my hamsters!" She rolled her eyes and walked off, leaving him standing in the aisle in disbelief. The particular store back in the town where I recently lived was generally quiet in the evening. There were restrooms to the back of the store in the layaway area which seems like they were never really cleaned very well so one evening my girlfriend and I grabbed a few things from the store: candles, incense, hand towels, lava lamps, and some bathmats, and when nobody was watching we slipped into the restrooms and proceeded to remodel them somewhat. In less than 15 minutes we completely changed the decor of the restrooms to quiet, subdued elegance. Luckily, nobody walked in on us but there was something of a commotion emanating from the p.a. system before we finally left the store! I once purchased a set of frss walkie talkies and while I was fiddling with them in the parking lot of Walmart while I was waiting for my girlfriend to finish her shopping, I realized that these were essentially the same two-way radios that the WM managers used in the store. Suddenly something came over me and I couldn't resist the temptation: "We have a code pink in the men's wear! Code pink in the men's wear area!" After a brief silence someone asked for a repeat. "Excuse me: We have a code RAINBOW in men's wear!" I replied. My girlfriend emerged from the store finally and looked at me. "Something tells me that you had a hand in that!" Of course, there probably are now several people running around the store trying to figure out who had the extra radio. They changed frequencies occasionally after that but I managed to figure them out in quick time. I found out that several drive-thru restaurants likewise have the same radio system which they use for the wireless units at the take out windows! "Hello? Is anyone there? I want 5 Big Macks, 3 chocolate shakes, and a dozen apple pies please!" Sitting across the street from the restaurant I watched and chuckled as heads popped out of the drive-thru windows and out the back doors to see who was making the order! It's interesting to drive around and see how many restaurants use these radios. Too bad the batteries aren't rechargeable! Anyway, I'm sure that you can relate to some if these and even have a few of your own. Just don't say that I put you up to it!

#PRANKS #FUN #practical jokes

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wordcreatr · 6 years

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You know, I wouldn’t say I have terrible luck, but it definitely trends toward being consistently on the poor side. I wouldn’t say it feels like the universe has it in for me, but it’s definitely trying to annoy me.

It’s like that time back in 1996 when a guy I knew, who had won an Emmy for post-production work on the hit show Northern Exposure, called me up out of the blue to move to L.A. to be his assistant. He and some investors were buying a family-owned state of the art post-production studio that was in bankruptcy. It was a huge break for me, so I left grad school, packed up my hamster car, and moved out there. Immediately upon arriving, he told me, “So let me get you up to speed. The financing fell through last week.” Turned out his wealthy main investor’s elderly mother controlled the company’s purse strings and she shot the deal down. It also turned out I no longer had a job.

Why had he not called me to let me know before I left Arizona I had asked in dismay.

“I decided you needed to be out here anyway,” he replied. And that was the start of my L.A. misadventure from hell. I’ll have to write about that period of my life sometime because it only got crazier.

Yeah, anyway, it’s just been one of those kinds of weeks as far as lost opportunity and general mayhem, just on a far smaller scale.

Welcome to hell

First, my house’s air conditioning was on the fritz and the temperature in Arizona is only slightly below hellish, though full-blown hell is arriving next week when we are supposed to hit 106°F (41°C for my international readers). The air conditioner was blowing warm air the day I called a recommended AC guy who does side work for cash. When he showed up after he got off work the next day, my unit was back to blowing cold air, but I figured he should take a look at it anyway because it was obviously not working right.

After inspecting it, the repair guy told me my AC unit was at least 30 years old (maybe older since the house was built in 1980), and he began to describe what kind of condition it was in. Have you ever seen a really wizened old man who is bent practically in half with osteoporosis? A man who is so frail and rickety it’s a miracle he’s still upright in a light breeze? The one with no teeth, who is practically blind, and who has to wear adult diapers? Yeah, apparently, that was the equivalent of my air conditioning unit.

The AC guy showed me photos — and it wasn’t pretty. In fact, with the exposed wiring due to the plastic having been baked off them by the relentless desert sun, it’s a wonder my house hadn’t burned down. He showed me pics of one battered part and said if it went out, the AC would either not turn on or it wouldn’t turn off, which would kill my electricity bill — both would suck.

He said he could get me a new unit for the discounted price of $4,600 cash or make repairs to get me through the summer. Since it’s been almost a year since I’ve had a proper job, I went with option B. My plan was to postpone replacement until I could afford a new AC. So he came back the next day and got to work. When he was done, he came into the house and turned on the air. The blower was working but the condenser wouldn’t kick on. He said it might take a bit. So we waited. And waited. Finally, he went back up on the roof and after ten minutes he came back in and we waited and waited, our hands periodically reaching up to the vent in the ceiling that stubbornly blew out warm air. Nada.

“Bad news,” he said. “I think your condenser has just died.”

Well, that was inconvenient.

We began talking about a new unit, and I said I’d have to think about it because $4,600 cash was kind of steep. After all, I was only working occasional freelance jobs and doing rideshare driving, which pays a pittance. As much as I hated to, I was probably going to have to go with a more expensive company so I could put it on a credit card and pay it off in installments. I hate doing that because while I use my cards all the time, I pay them off immediately. But I didn’t want to raid my bank account and leave myself low on available cash. After he left, the damn AC blower was in full zombie mode and wouldn’t shut off even when I turned it off. It just kept blowing warm air, so I eventually had to turn it off at the circuit breaker.

After speaking with a rep from Integrity Air Conditioning, it was going to cost me $5,400 (after rebates) to get a new unit, so I reluctantly agreed. This sucked. I also needed new tires for my car because the rideshare driving had accelerated the wear on them. And I needed an oil change. And I needed to get my BBQ grill fixed.

I had just been thinking that life was going okay and I’d be fine as long as I kept my spending low. Apparently, the universe had decided that now was the perfect time to put a whammy on my wallet.

Fuck.

I’m melting! Mellllllting!

Meanwhile, in the absence of modern AC, I’ve actually been doing okay with the heat. The older I get, the more I turn into my dad. As the temperature has climbed, when the AC was working, I hadn’t even had it on when the Houseguest wasn’t home. When my dad was alive, he kept the house so hot my brother would freak out when he came over to visit. “Oh, my God, it’s like hell in here. How does he live like this? It’s so damn hot!”

Unlike me, the Houseguest hasn’t been faring well with no AC, and she has been lying around listlessly. I feel bad and check on her occasionally to make sure I don’t need to summon an ambulance for heat prostration. To be honest, though, because I don’t want to dip into my cash reserves, if I lived here by myself, I would have been inclined to tough it out through the summer without AC, but I can’t bear the constant whinging.

To be fair, she’s also been battling insomnia, which has taken its toll. I see her emerge from her room, unrested, and the oppressive heat hasn’t made it any easier, and she’s at the snapping point. It doesn’t help her mood that the heat doesn’t seem to faze me. I see the barely subdued madness lurking in her eyes.

The kitchen is a no-cook zone

Because of the unrelenting heat, the Houseguest has been bugging me to get the grill seen to so we can cook outside under the shade of the patio. We’d been grilling a lot earlier in the year, but the never-ending propane tank finally ran out of gas, and I’d been meaning for a while to go up to Home Depot for a new tank. After I finally did, I was unscrewing the old tank from the regulator, and I think I did something wrong and jacked up the regulator. When I connected the new tank, I heard hissing gas and could smell it. I thought I had a faulty tank and took it back, but the replacement tank made the same noise with the same smell. Using soapy water, I looked for bubbles to try and discover the leak, but no luck.

The Houseguest mentioned going up to get a new regulator for the grill and wanted to know when we could grill again, and I said I didn’t know. I began listing my expenses and mentioned the AC had to be taken care of, then my tires, and then a new regulator for the grill — which I wasn’t even sure was the problem.

She had wilted onto her bed and lay there languidly looking defeated.

“But we have to be able to grill,” she said weakly. “It’s too hot to use the oven.”

The oven might as well be the furnaces of hell as far as the Houseguest is concerned

I told her I wasn’t sure if I bought that argument. I mean, unless I was foolish enough to cook with the oven door open, I kind of figure it should be okay, right? How hot can it get? Turn the oven on. Put the food in. Set the timer. Walk out of the room. Come back when the timer goes off. I didn’t see the issue. She was just staring at me like I was a simpleton. She has a Ph.D. and tends to discuss things analytically. As I began calmly explaining why I thought the regulator was the lowest priority purchase item, her head suddenly snapped up and she shot me a look.

“We are grilling, motherfucker!”

Okay, I was slightly taken aback. The Houseguest is normally rather easy-going, cultured, and well-spoken. There was no anger, just the no-nonsense bark I’d associate with a drill instructor. However, I got the impression that if the heat had not sapped all of her energy, I might have ended up in a bloody heap on the floor. I retreated to my Man Cave and chalked up the outburst to the heat. Plus, she’s got some fiery Persian blood in her.

Freelancing sucks

So, as these bills piled up this week, it reinforced that I’m not bringing in tons of money. It’s been almost a year since I’ve had a proper job. I traveled for a bit, and I’ve been slumming doing rideshare driving for Uber and Lyft part-time. I’ve also been picking up some freelance projects here and there. All with the goal of working (slowly and painfully) on my book.

I’ve done a fair bit, but there’s still a fair bit left to do. Purposefully, I’ve been holding off getting a real job and have been actively trying to get freelance gigs. One thing I’ve learned, I suck at chasing down freelance work. But I figured if I lived frugally, I could stretch out my underemployment out quite awhile, as long as I didn’t incur any real expenses. Like all the ones I racked up this week, which was a metaphorical kick in the balls.

But that was okay. I still had a freelance project I was supposed to start last month that would pay off a chunk of the AC cost. However, everything is up in the air because the client has a new full-time copywriter.

Fuck.

But that was still okay because another agency had contacted me for a small project. Their content director liked my stuff. In fact, she had me come in to talk about working for them part-time, but as a proofreader. It’s kind of boring work, but it wouldn’t demand any of my limited creativity. And it would be a regular income so I could keep writing. I was stoked. And everyone I met was super nice. Things were looking up!

And then right after I put down a three grand deposit on my new AC unit, I got an email late Friday afternoon. It was from the new agency’s HR person informing me that the content director had departed the company that afternoon. She said I was still in their freelance pool and I might hear from some of the account managers. I asked about the proofreading gig. She had no idea, but it seemed to me my new part-time gig was probably dead in the water.

Just like L.A., I was so close.

Fuck my life.

The Universe is going to make me go out and get a real job, isn’t it?

If karma is a thing, I must have been a real asshole in another life. Oh well, as the old man used to say, ‘If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have any at all.’ But if this keeps up, I may need to sacrifice a goat at the next full moon.

At least I’ll have a new air conditioning unit by tomorrow. I just hope they don’t drop it through my roof.

Update

The new AC is going in as I post this.

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Sometimes everything will work out as long as one thing doesn't happen. And of course, it's going to happen because the universe has it out for me. You know, I wouldn't say I have terrible luck, but it definitely trends toward being consistently on the poor side.

#agency life #air conditioning #air conditioning is out #Arizona heat #Arizona summer #bad karma #Emmy award #freelance work #freelancing sucks #grilling #hot #L.A.#new airconditioner #propane grill #propane leak #to hot to cook #welcome to hell

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