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peachysooxo · 4 months

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The Kingdom of Us

Chapter 2

pairing: kyungsoo x OFC genre: Royal!AU, nonidol!soo, crownprince!kyungsoo, romance, drama

theme: arranged marriage, modern royalty, enemies to lovers, war, betrayal, eventual smut word count: 3,197 description: Kyungsoo fights his feelings at the engagement dinner being held for himself and Alina. Part of Alina’s past is revealed, Kyungsoo questions his own motives

warnings: mature themes, mentions of sex, mentions of anxiety, minors DNI

Author’s Notes: hi! Thank you so much for your support. We are getting a little deeper into this world, I hope I don’t make you hate Kyungsoo with this story! No significant warnings this time. Photos are not mine. Dividers by @saradika-graphics ! Happy reading (:

KYUNGSOO

I stand at the end of the foyer with Chanyeol and Baekhyun on either side of me. I glance up the stairs every so often, waiting for Princess Alina to join us for our dinner. This entire night was for her, it was merely advertised as being for us. It was another formality I had to pretend to be excited about. I had merely been a guest at these engagement dinners before, now the entire family was elated that it was my turn, it meant improvements and promotions for everyone. Though our engagement wasn’t official, it felt like it. I listen to the chatter from my aunts, mother and cousins, the anticipation of the Princess coming down the stairs was unbearable.

Ah, Princess Alina.

Alina gave me a headache and I barely knew her for five hours. Her push back earlier today was a big surprise to me, she isn’t exactly known for having an opinion. Valencia was embarrassingly behind in their treatment of women, unfortunately all anyone can focus on is Alina’s beauty. Too bad all of said beauty goes to ruin the second she opens her mouth. All I know is that she better go along about our agreement, or I will make every single day of her life a living hell. She’s just another thing thrown in my face because she’s a “good decision”, the “right girl to grow the dynasty”. It never occurred to anyone that I didn’t want any of this. Though I didn’t have another woman in mind, it didn’t mean that I couldn’t find a wife on my own.

“Hey, pay attention.” Baekhyun nudges me. Unlike the rest of the family, I allowed Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Yixing to speak informally to me. I don’t have any brothers and they were the closest I could get to siblings. They were the three men I trusted the most in the court.

“I am paying attention. See? I’m waiting for my prison sentence to grace us with her presence.” I nudge him back, a slight growl in my voice.

“That was harsh.” Chanyeol mutters.

“Excuse me?” I look up at my cousin, his cheeks are red and his eyes are downcast. “Do you want her? You can have her.”

“I didn’t say that.” Chanyeol snaps. “I just think you should be nicer to her. She’s young and scared, I know you don’t want this but don’t take it out on her.”

My eyebrows raise and an unfamiliar burn tingles in my head. My ears ring and suddenly Chanyeol is a threat to me. Never have I felt this toward him, alarm bells sound in my head. This is more reason to not go through with this. What makes angry is Chanyeol trying to tell me what to do with my fiancé. Whether I like it or not, she’s my headache and none of his damn business.

“Is it not a fact, Chanyeol? I was assigned a wife; hand chosen by my parents. It is a life sentence I have to serve. I’m being as nice as I can be. It’s not my fault my parents didn’t think when they chose her.” I explain with shrugged shoulders, clasping my hand over my wrist. The hustle and bustle of the family gathering and talking to one another is almost deafening, I didn’t enjoy these formal gatherings, never have. They felt so superficial, so showy and obnoxious. Half of this family hated each other anyway. The other half were social climbing leeches that wanted nothing else from me but status and support for whatever they do. Most of them are only here out of curiosity. They want to meet the People’s Princess, or so everyone calls her.

A figure at the top of the stairs catches my eye. I wait to see if it’s my forever headache announcing her presence, and sure enough it is. Princess Alina’s shy smile charmed the entire room to go silent and watch her descend the stairs. She didn’t have to say anything at all, it was her presence that was magnetic. The moment she came into my vision, time stopped. I take in every bit of her, studying her for any flaws. It aggravated me that she was naturally so… Lovely.

She was the only genuine person in this room, her smile was honest. Truthfully, I didn’t know much about the Princess. The only thing I did know is when her smile was fake and when it was real. I wasn’t stupid, I did my research. I watched Princess Alina from afar for some time and learned quickly that she wore her emotions on her sleeve. At the many charity events the Princess attended, she’d have that wide smile that showed off her dimples. If she wasn’t pleased, she wouldn’t show her teeth and would narrow her gaze. Tonight, I saw her full smile, dimples and all.

Princess Alina was glowing in a white form fitting dress that flowed just below her calves, a square neckline showing just a small bit of her deeply tan skin. Yellow gold jewelry in the shape of hearts adorned her neck and ear. Every small bit of her was perfectly put together as if she was crafted by hand. Her hair was styled to fall down her back in a braid with small flowers placed strategically intertwined from the crown of her head down into the braid. It was a traditional Valencian hairstyle, she always had her hair in traditional styles for these types of events. I grew annoyed that she was wearing makeup for the simple fact that it accentuated her beauty.

Up until her arrival, I received a photo of the Princess every year and never gave it a second thought or more than a quick glance. Every princess had their photos edited to look much prettier than they really were. It wouldn’t be unfair to imagine that Alina was any different. Now I see her in front of me and she looked exactly like her photos. When we met earlier in the day, I bullshitted that “your photos don’t do you justice” comment. Now, I see that was wrong to do. I should’ve paid more attention. Everyone in the room gathered and lined the walkway to the dining room, watching and whispering compliments as she greets each member of the Doh Royal Family. She certainly didn’t have to waste her time, but she took the time that none of these people deserved. A small part of me disagreed with each sentiment that was spoken because they weren’t enough to describe what I saw in front of me. It’s becoming very difficult to hate someone who’s so…

So…

I couldn’t even find the proper words for her. She took them from my mind and my mouth. Princess Alina was ethereal, there was something about her that made my heart flutter and it angered me. I stop and compose myself, bringing my head back down to earth. I had to focus on the task at hand. I couldn’t let her beauty get to me.

“She is stunning. Your son and the Princess will have beautiful children.” Aunt Micha coos to Mother behind me.

“We’ll see about that.” Mother grumbles under her breath. I roll my eyes and turn to Princess Alina as she stops in front of me, her respectful bow takes me by surprise. She plays her role exceptionally well; I couldn’t ask for more. She offers a soft nod, her lips curving into a smile with emotionless eyes. It’s a relief that she’s devoid of emotions in her eyes. I fear that she would make me retract my stipulations if I saw the true emotions in her gaze. I offer my hand and she gracefully accepts it. I link her arm with mine and escort her to the dining room. Along the way I put my hand over hers and smile down at her.

“My darling, you are so beautiful.” I say lowly. The Princess’ eyes gaze into mine, discomfort at my sweet name for her caused them to well up with tears. Her smile gives her a deceitful glow that can fool anyone into believing she was happy. Were all of her smiles fake? She’s holding back tears. She hates this as much as I do. Everyone in this room believes we instantly fell in love, how wrong they were. We kept our eyes forward and Alina made it a point to greet everyone, it boggled my brain. Why did she have to acknowledge everyone? Princess Alina stops for a moment, stepping in front of me. “What is it?”

She tries to suppress a giggle and adjusts my tie with soft hands. She pats my chest and bows her head. “Your tie, Your Grace. The knot was coming loose.”

“Thank you, Princess.” I lower my head in thanks. A gentle smile comes and goes as fast as I blink my eyes. We bow to Mother and Father, two Royal Guards approach them with customary gifts from Valencia. Princess Alina’s home country offered a gold necklace to the Mother and a gold watch to Father. One of Valencia’s biggest imports was gold, it was customary for a Valencian Royal to gift their future in laws gold jewelry. Of course, Mother and Father delighted in the gifts. King Ignacio and Queen Evelina could’ve just given it to them on their last visit, but I digress. Formalities are everything.

I guide Princess Alina to her place at the table and pull her chair out. She sits, I take the seat next to her and the family all collectively gather around the large dining table. The conversation is light at first, the duchesses ask the Princess what life was like in Valencia. Between the first and second courses of dinner, I thoroughly studied Alina’s every move. I was filled with so much fascination that someone could mistake it for love. Alina does the same whenever I turn away from her, I catch her in my peripheral vision. How curious is it that I want to look at her constantly? Our gazes catch each other’s, and we hold the contact for a few seconds. Alina turns away with red cheeks, her attention focused on anyone else but me.

“So, Princess Alina, how is the alliance your father made with the Azteco Nation? Still strong?” Boram, my cousin by marriage, smirks, leaning forward on the table. Alina’s demeanor never changes, she never shows her cards.

“It is only faring well considering Azteco’s Queen is my sister.” Princess Alina laughs softly. “I fear the only alliance Azteco’s King has with Valencia’s King is that they are in-laws.”

“How wonderful! How is Queen Maria doing? We were made aware that the birth of Princess Daniela was quite traumatic.”

“Boram,” I warn softly. Alina pats my knee under the table and nods to my cousin.

“Queen Maria has recovered well. Thank you for asking,” Alina beams. Murmurs spark down the table at how “well trained” Princess Alina is, how nothing can unnerve her. Mother pays close attention to how Alina reacts, she had been ever so curious if the Princess will crack under pressure. I didn’t understand why Mother was suddenly so displeased with Alina, it was her that chose Alina as my betrothed. Perhaps her own guilt is being projected onto the Princess, but that can just be me overanalyzing this situation we found ourselves in.

“And your relationship with King Daniel? Is there any truth to the rumors?” Boram pries deeper, not satisfied with Alina’s answer. What is she talking about? Princess Alina’s smile fades and her eyes lock with Mother. Mother’s brow furrows and a sly grin appears on her face, her attention turning to Boram.

“Boram, what is this you speak of?” Queen Hyunae questions. “Princess Alina, care to explain?”

I can see the anxiety and stress strangling Alina. She was a deer in the headlights, panic rising on her face. What is it that’s making her so nervous? Disappointing me? A secret being revealed and the possibly consequences? Oh, this is going to get good. The entire room falls silent, not even a pin drop could be heard. She turns her attention to me, begging me with her eyes to stop this from getting out of control. Confusion riddles my mind, obviously it’s something that shouldn’t be revealed at dinner such as this. I shake my head and turn my attention to my troublemaking cousin.

“Alright, enough! Boram, you need to put an end to the gossip that you spread. You’re making Princess Alina uncomfortable. I expect better treatment toward her.” I demand, my acting is so good that everyone believes me.

“My many apologies, Princess.” Father adds, glaring at his niece. “This behavior will not happen again.” The silence brings awkwardness to the dinner table. I decide that enough is enough and I change the subject for now. Regardless, I will find out what it is that Alina is hiding from me.

“Princess. Are you prepared for our rehearsals? Our engagement ball is coming up.” I offer. Alina looks into my eyes and nods.

“It will be delightful, Crown Prince.”

After the disastrous dinner, I suggest that we take a stroll in the palace garden, a place Alina had not been before. We leave together, changing the tune of the family. The Princess takes in the beauty of the garden, something in her calms and changes into serenity. She looks up to the sky and locates the moon, I look in the direction of her gaze and see the crescent in the sky.

She is the moonlight. She must have hung the moon and stars herself, there is no comparison to this beauty she possesses. Stop while you’re ahead, Kyungsoo.

“So,” I break the silence. “You hooked up with King Daniel?”

She stops walking and shakes her head vehemently. “I could never do that to my sister or to you, Your Highness! How disgusting are you?!”

This whole, “hurt you before you can hurt me” thing is only backfiring. I stand speechless, unsure of what to say. The only thing I can think of doing is to drop to my knees and bow, aware that eyes are on us. Confused, Alina sinks down and touches my face out of concern. “Princess, my deepest apologies for insulting you.”

“Never do this again, Your Grace.” Alina replies, a smile on her face to cover her agitation. “It is clear how you truly feel about me.”

What happened between Alina and Daniel? I never got along with Azteco’s king, every rumor I heard about him wasn’t too far from the truth. The puzzling part was how Alina fit in to this, did I not pay enough attention to what she was doing while waiting to be brought to Seoul? I surmised long ago that anyone is capable of hurting the people around them for selfish reasons; I’ve known it, I’ve felt it.

I also understood my circles were much different than the ones the women in this family were in. I take Alina’s hands and we stand together, my arm resting on her upper back. “Princess, everyone has a past. Everyone pretends to wait for their betrothed, but we all know that is never the case. It’s okay if you had a relationship before me. I had relationships before you.”

Alina’s eyes water, pain written all over her face. Slowly, she starts to back away and I can’t help but feel satisfied that I managed to keep her at a distance. “Crown Prince… I didn’t know you did that. It is becoming abundantly clear that this is not going to work. Here I was, the only one being true to our betrothal. I… I…”

“Stop crying, darling. There are eyes everywhere.” I caress my betrothed’s face, pulling her close to me. Alina stiffens to my surprise.

“Please… You don’t need to do this.”

“I wanted to kiss you, Princess. Are you pretending to be shy with me?” I peer closer, feeling her muscles tense in my hold. Alina holds back a sob and looks away, what am I doing? Am I a monster? I quickly loosen my grip on her and kiss her hand, smiling. “A tease, hm?”

“I thought you were much different than this, Crown Prince.” Alina starts. “Why do you hate me? Am I not what you want? Please don’t torture me and let me go. I will accept my punishment, anything is better than what lies ahead if we keep going.”

I stare at my betrothed, shocked at her plea. She was in agreement when she arrived and suddenly that changes? Obviously, something happened between Daniel and Alina, she just didn’t want to admit it. Not yet at least. I refuse to be made a fool with a wife such as her, keeping secrets and lying to my face. I shrug my shoulders and wipe her tears out of annoyance of seeing them. They’re probably not real anyway, just enough to get her out of this conversation.

“No, you’re staying. I will walk you back to your chambers, Princess.” I give up for now and walk the Princess back to her chambers, continuing the silence between us. She slips in her door and locks it, allowing no room for me to follow her. I walk back to my chambers and slide my phone out of my pocket, sending a message to Princess Alina. I might not want this marriage, but I’m not a heartless man. That look in Alina’s eyes said it all: she really took all of this seriously (as much as I didn’t want to believe it) and I betrayed that by dating despite the laws a betrothal held, or how she might feel about it when she found out.

Kyungsoo Princess, I am sorry for my words. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

Darling Wife Okay.

I acknowledge her message and proceed to search forDaniel and Alina rumors on the internet. To say the least, I was bothered by what I saw.

King Daniel weighs options of breaking betrothal of Crown Prince Kyungsoo of Seoul and Princess Alina of Mariposa

Princess Alina of Mariposa Absent from Wedding of now-Queen Maria of Azteco and King Daniel due to Illness

Princess Alina Enlists for Medical Military Service, to get closer to King Daniel or Crown Prince Kyungsoo?

Valencia’s Crown Disputes Rumors of Princess Alina Carrying a Secret Relationship with Brother In Law King Daniel

Fellow Military Nurse discloses the truth: “Princess Alina pines and cries over betrothed Crown Prince Kyungsoo as he gets closer to enemy lines.”

I remember hearing of her presence at my base, but I never wanted to see her. How much truth is in these headlines? Are these rumors? Do gossip websites really need that much attention, why not focus on celebrities? Not one word about Alina had been this controversial, in fact tonight was the first time I heard of any of this.

Kyungsoo Princess, I would like to see you

Darling Wife Why, your Highness…?

Kyungsoo I would like to speak with you

Darling Wife No. Goodnight Crown Prince.

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haechanhues · 1 year

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KPOP FIC RECS

So I recently (like a couple of months ago) read Bowie’s Books by John O’Connell which is a series of essays exploring David Bowie’s list of 100 Books that transformed his life and I thought it was a way to make my own. These are all fics (in some way or another) that have been memorable in many different ways and I hope to share them with you all.

This is also a full on sap train so I thought you should be ready. I’m also weirdly nervous since this feels kind of vulnerable and makes me shy. but haiii

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR | PART FIVE

1. @hyuckiebabie - Bad Intentions | NCT (discontinued)

Of course, I have to start with this. I have to. I’ve also just learnt that author-nim has since left tumblr. But the writing was beautiful and the connection that Haechan and the MC had with each other was absolutely alluring. God I felt things I have never felt before. This was quite awhile ago and I’m kind of sad I can’t reread it to boost my memory a bit more but I was super excited for every update. But aww I wish you could all read it even though it was discontinued, it still remains very memorable for me.

2. @beom1e - Love Is Not Easy | TXT (completed)

The fic that made me obsess over TXT fics for a very large portion of the year. I read it again and it’s so chaotic and erratic in the best way. I love these boys with all my heart and it was so fun to be able to read it and connect to it. There were different endings that were all really fun. The very first time I was a very big Yeonjun supporter but nowadays I feel a more Beomgyu lean. Hmm, I don’t know. So many options. Can’t forget about Soobin either. The best kind of crossroad ever.

3. @dovechim - That’s Okay That’s Love | BTS (ongoing)

No because I’m frustrated my original comments about this didn’t save. I remember reading this and it was the first time I had read something involving mental health so blatantly and it just felt oddly satisfying. What I liked the most about this fic however was the way that every character was interwoven within the story without the sole purpose of their existence to be a ‘friend’ to the main character and give advice and put some sense into them nor to invoke drama. I liked that they each have their own story and plot and it’s so majestically done that I always have to applaud this story for it.

4. @jayflrt - The A List | ENHYPEN (one-shot)

Ahhh yes, I finally get to talk about this. This was one of the first ENHYPEN fics I read and it definitely helped me stan them to the level I did. I love the ....friendship between the MC and Jay. I love the taste of the whole fic in general - the rich people shit and the drama and the need to just not be made into a total loser by an anonymous source. I’m not even being dramatic but this fic has a taste and it’s absolutely fucking wonderful I’m salivating.

5. @fantasybangtan - Queen Cobra | BTS (ongoing)

One of my utmost favourite writers on Tumblr and in general. I love this story with all my heart and it made me a total * girl. This fic always manages to have a hook on me in more ways than one and I was so excited to see that a chapter has been updated since I last read it. I hope to god you never stop writing. Ever. Such a talented person and a very special one at that. I sound a bit like teachers comments in student reports and I’m sorry. But I hope you feel how sincere I am in my recommendations to read this fic. You have to. Absolute art.

6. @caramellohigh - Not Such A Good Boy | THE BOYZ (ongoing)

This is my favourite depiction of Juyeon, like ever. I remember seeing three times before I actually read it. First it popped up in my dash just randomly, then it was recommended (not specifically to me) but I had been wanting to read a few fics. I thank whatever higher power exists for this fic. I can’t explain myself but like it’s so good. I love the whole golden sweet nice sunshine boy being this person who isn’t actually all that sunny and saintly trope. I don’t know the proper name for it but I loved this. I can’t wait for more chapters such an exciting fic, I couldn’t put this fic down for the life of me. I had a lot to do today but I didn’t do it because I was reading this hahaha best decision ever.

7. @theluckyyyoneee - Antipode | EXO (completed)

OH MY GOD I JUST SAW THERE’S AN UPDATED CHAPTER, I’M GOING TO READ IT NOW. Okay okay I’m going back to writing normally so I don’t look like an idiot, but I love this fic with all my heart. So so warm. I love that Chanyeol is just a literal puppy throughout the fic. God I hope to see this couple again. In any way. I’ll take it. I remember I first read this when Chanyeol went to the military and reading the final chapter when he’s back literally feels like all is right with the world. I adore this couple. And with the risk of sounding cheesy as hell, this story smells of pine and appears like Christmas lights in the night and I think that’s the cutest fucking thing.

8. @jungblue - Future Hearts | BTS (ongoing)

I’ll be honest, before I came to Tumblr I always ignored recommendations for fan fics - simply because I had different tastes to the person giving the recs (they were a bit too much for me) and I just liked that fan fics were just my terrain to freely explore the fics available without in some form being attached to someone else (i was going through some shit obviously). Then this fic showed up and I took a chance on it. Best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I fell in love with writing all over again. I thought of colours differently. Everything. was just so different. I was super invested in the story. I would say it became so definitive of the person I was at eighteen, when life started changing. So thank you author-nim. From your forever fan <3 I hope all is well with you, you deserve the whole world y’know.

9. @sankyeom - Break Your Rules | THE BOYZ (completed)

Okay okay so, I love Sunwoo with my whole heart and one of my favourite tropes is brother’s best friend (disclaimer : it reflects to my life in no shape, way or form but we love a good ol’ forbidden love without the death involved) I first read this on my other account and it’s always one I seek out if I want a little thrill and a happy ending. Also the side characters are so fucking funny, I loved reading them. This fic is the treat your aunty tells you she shouldn’t be giving you but does anyway and you love her with your whole heart. So wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

10. @chittapornswife - DYNL Club | NCT (ongoing)

A fic I’m forever fond of, I think. I always used to read this whenever I would go to class and it would keep me from having panic attacks. It would always leave me feeling fluffy and energised enough to get through an hour (or longer) class (and it wasn’t like the class was terrible, it just made me anxious.) I always link this fic to good things, or at least like it’s a bridge from being less than okay to recovery which is kind of ironic considering the content. It also has Haechan in it, which I’m thankful for. This story helped build my love for him in a way, I think. I’m truly grateful.

11. @desayunho - Time Of Love | ATEEZ (completed)

Oh my god it was a struggle deciding what fic to use but I decided on this one. It’s so beautiful. Oh my god I loved it. I read ‘Lovefool’ before this one and just knew that I had to hop on this train too. Lovefool blew me away and I knew it would happen with this one too. Absolutely after my own heart. I’m not one for poly fics (not against them either, I just don’t normally read them) but AHHH I’m screaming. The dynamic. The everything. This fic is everything. Thank you and good night. I love San and Wooyoung and ATEEZ AND author-nim, a special place in my heart is reserved for you and your artistry.

12. @ballelino - Wedding Season | STRAY KIDS (completed)

With the risk of sounding absolutely delusional, this fic helped me well and truly realise that I am never ever going to move on from Lee Minho. Like ever. The fic left me feeling very vulnerable but well protected? I don’t know how to form words but... Everything was just perfect. Truly a foundation. It’s a fic I want to read for the first time again for the feelings I felt and the sensations I was going through. Truly a magical ride. I’m not even being sappy - this is me being totally brutally honest. I loved it for lack of better words. You know that question that goes ‘If the words ‘I love you’ didn’t exist what would you use?’...This fic. That’s it. My new love language.

13. @thepixelelf - Hood | THE BOYZ (completed)

This was well and truly a rollercoaster.. god I could remember it. I was on the edge of my seat every update. I loved the whole friendship and the back and forth. Ever since that first chapter it has been a favourite of mine and has remained one of my favourites since then. Also it was literally a year spent together with a fic and I don’t know why but this makes me feel more attached and feel more love for this fic even more. It’s beautiful and it’s literally like cuddling a teddy bear. I don’t know how else to describe it. If I could hug any fic it would be this one. Cause it deserves everyone’s high praises and I want someone to experience reading this fic to experience it and just tell me what they thought and we can go nuts over it.

14. @seokjinsdisciple - Who’s Your Daddy | ATEEZ (ongoing)

What a rollercoaster of events. These ATEEZ fics (not even just this one) has a special place in my heart but I’m here to talk about this one in particular. It’s so incredibly cute and angsty at the same time. Anything you ask for in a fic, you get it practically. It’s everything. It gives me everything. It gives me life. Seventeen chapters in and I've already tried finding a wizard to turn me into a puddle on the floor because I can’t cope. It’s absolutely brilliant. Ahhhh- also one of the authors to open the new door for me in terms of social media aus. I never thought I’d be into them but I really am and a large part is due to author-nim so thank you for this medium of storytelling and doing such a good job every single time. No misses.

15. @aspenwritesstuff - Prove Me Wrong | STRAY KIDS (ongoing)

HOW COULD I NOT INCLUDE THIS. I can’t even remember how I came to read it but I remember reading it and being so hooked the very first chapter. I am also extremely affectionate of you, Aspen. This story and everything about it. I love it. It’s cute and fucking interesting and I’m just so hooked and excited I cannot wait to see how the rest of the story pans out. Like truly amazing. I’m going nuts over just thinking about it. Absolutely wonderful and just truly cute. I don’t know what else to say but it’s so cute. So fucking cute. Ahhhh. Just screaming and yelling and hollering at this point. LIKE YEAH THIS IS ME. THIS IS HOW EXCITED I CAN BE. Can’t wait, Aspen, honestly (take ur time tho <3)

16. @gyukult - We Don’t Usually Hold Hands | SEVENTEEN (one-shot)

So usually whenever I read Mingyu books I’m used to player Mingyu or sugar daddy esque-Mingyu who’s very cool. I’m not hating it. I still most likely would read it. But I never knew how much I needed a fic where I could actually see Mingyu in it and I think it’s perfect. I fell in love with this fic at first read and I think it’s actually changed the trajectory of my life forever. I’m not even being remotely funny. It really has. I don’t know - I loved the humour, I love just how casual the romance was. Like it felt so natural and just so Mingyu I don’t know what else to say without rambling. I feel like this fic is especially for those who don’t necessarily believe in romantic love, for those who do and in love with the idea of love and just everyone in between. So everyone basically. It’s a necessity.

17. @kyufiber - How To Be A Heartbreaker | THE BOYZ (completed)

God, I love this fic so much I don’t know what else to tell you. This is an Eric fic but it felt like more than just that. I’m a Sunwoo girl, have been from the very first video I saw of these guys but everyone just-. Let me tell you how PERFECT this fic is. It went exactly the way I wanted it but every update was a blessing and a gift. Like...is this music? No but I’m honestly always starstruck by this fic. I have no way of formulating proper sentences, it’s amazing. It’s so good. It’s so good. It’s honestly- GOD, especially if you’re an Eric person. This is for you. For all of you actually - read it! I’m begging with my whole chest, my whole soul, everything about me that is me - read it.

18. @starrgaziinggg - Friends With Benefits | STRAY KIDS (ongoing)

I can’t remember exactly remember the 6 W’s of how, where, when I found this fic. But all I remember is that it was a god send during my Minho phase (that is still in fact going, don’t get me wrong). Every new update is so fucking fun for me and definitely has me all up in there. I love this version of Minho. It’s one of my favourites. Absolutely. This fic has been a newfound love of mine and I’ve enjoyed falling in love with it every single chapter and I know that won’t ever change. I’m a bit speechless I don’t know what to say, currently I’m looking at it and I’m so excited to talk about it but all I am right now is a blubbering mess that can’t string two words together to make a single sentence. But I really appreciate this fic and I can’t wait for more updates! <3

19. @wooyunhwa - Kingdom Of Welcome Addiction | ATEEZ (ongoing)

Although it’s been a couple of years since the last update, I am still going to praise and praise this fic as if it’s my sole purpose in life. I love the way the characters are and how there’s a whole world away from everyone else - as if its just the three of them in this demon vs angel love affair. Don’t even get me started on the writing - it’s so beautiful, detailed and I love how humour is incorporated into it. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It surprised me so much in such little but significant ways that I think sets apart this fic from others like it. Truly.

20. @yeow6n - boyfriend!haechan tiktok series | NCT (ongoing)

Ahhh my current go-to Haechan fic writer. God, I’m in love. Have you ever felt a connection with someone you haven’t talked to or anything but because you share that one thing you’re in it for life? This is it my friends. This. Every fic I’ve read is a love of mine and I’m so excited to write about it. They’re usually short and sharp but incredibly sweet and it just- it makes loving Donghyuck easier. Honestly author-nim came in at the right time and totally swept me off my feet. In love with it. In love with him. Stan author-nim for good Haechan content. Honestly I feel like calling you bestie which is one hundred percent out of character for me so I won’t - but I just want to let you know that the temptation was there and it was a strong one!

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biaswreckingfics · 2 years

Text

I Still Love You...

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Female Reader

Genre: Angst, Exes to Lovers AU

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: pure pain awaits you 😅😅 good luck?

Summary: At the time, it seemed like the smartest decision when you and Baekhyun broke up. You deeply loved each other, but priorities and life were against you, and being together became too hard.

Coming face-to-face with him half a year later, reveals how deep your feelings still are for him, and you're terrified that you'll never be able to move on from him... or that you'll even want to in the end.

Notes: *inspired by this drabble* *italicized parts are flashbacks* *listen to Baekhyun's song Love Again to suffer even more* *Lastly, Happy birthday, Baek!!*

Laughter fills the air as your group of friends tease each other. Focusing mostly on the elusive host of the quickly planned get-together you're attending, Yixing smiles good-naturedly as he willingly takes the jokes being thrown his way. An overwhelming sense of happiness floods you as you watch them all. This is how things should be. You and the people you love relaxing and enjoying life together.

It's been way too long since this group of people has been together like this. Where you've all managed to get away from work and school, and Yixing was able to take time off and fly back to you guys. With Yixing being in a different country, it's hard to come across moments like this, so you cherish them and hold onto them for dear life.

There's just one integral piece of your community missing. If you have to guess, he's probably going to show up any second. Baekhyun never misses it when Yixing comes to town. No matter how busy he is.

Your heart flutters at the thought of seeing your ex again. Of seeing his bright smile grace his face as he laughs at something one of you says. You take a calming breath as you think about Baekhyun and remember that things are different now. That beautiful smile he always sent your way was no longer yours to receive. That reminder alone nearly breaks your heart all over again.

Yixing's laughter greets your ears again, and you pull yourself out of your thoughts to study his face. The pure joy you see on it helps you make a decision you didn't realize you were contemplating. Tonight, you'll push aside the feelings you still have for Baekhyun. You'll pretend that you're fine and unhurt just to keep those smiles on your friends' faces. To not cloud over their night with your angst.

You'll ignore him as much as you can and try to forget about how you're still completely in love with him. How you're actually excited to see him. To see his eyes sparkle as he animatedly speaks to everyone.

After the breakup, you had tried to move on from Baekhyun. You pushed yourself to go on dates - to try to connect with other people - but it just didn't work. You found yourself comparing all of your dates to him and wishing it was him across from you instead of these random strangers. You wished it was Baekhyun sending you good night texts or showing up at your door with flowers, and you felt bad for those poor souls who tried to capture your attention. Unfortunately, your mind was stuck on one person.

A knocking sound on the front door fills the room, and your heart beats wildly in your chest. Yixing gets up from his seat to answer it, and you do your best not to turn around and watch. A chorus of greetings surrounds you as the door opens. Soon, everyone is yelling some variation of hello towards the newcomer. You turn your head toward the door, unable to stand it anymore, and your heart nearly stops as you take in Baekhyun in all his glory. A giant smile is present on his face when he sees Yixing and everyone else behind him.

Somehow, you find yourself anxiously sitting on some stranger’s couch all thanks to your best friend Dabin. The people around you are all very nice and seem lovely, but you've never been good at first meetings. You'd consider yourself an introvert when being introduced to new people, and it took a while to get out of your shell. The only reason you're here is because Dabin is finally meeting her boyfriend's friends, and she dragged you along for moral support.

A knock on the door slightly startles you, and you glance around the room wondering how many more people could possibly be showing up. There are already like 15 of you here. You turn to see who else has just arrived and when your eyes focus on one man, your breath is taken away. He's gorgeous… and the way he lively greets the host enchants you…

You swallow, trying to wet your dry throat as you silently watch him enter the home like he owns the place. Everyone shouts greetings or cheers as he approaches, clearly happy to see him. You feel a part of yourself shrinking as you take in his larger-than-life persona.

His eyes survey the room as he greets everyone, and when they fall on you, they light up with interest. He sends you a sweet smile that has your heart stuttering, and you know right then that this man is trouble.

"Y/N, this is our friend, Baekhyun."

Chanyeol’s voice still replays in your mind as you watch the same scenario unfold before your eyes. There's only one difference this time.

Baekhyun's not alone. His new girlfriend is with him.

Dabin had already warned you about her existence and the possibility that she'd be here tonight, so you were prepared for the most part. Dabin told you they've been together for a month and that it was still relatively new, but that didn't make it hurt any less. That did not mean that it didn't suck seeing them together.

Forcing a light smile on your face, you allow yourself to meet Baekhyun's eyes. They brighten as they find you, much like they did the first time, but that luminesce quickly disappears after a moment. You can see he's holding himself back and making it clear that you're nothing but an old friend. Someone important, but not important enough.

He offers you a small smile in return before his hand reaches toward his girlfriend, and he finds her fingers. If you could crawl further into your body, you would, but you try not to let that show as your gaze falls to her.

She's stunning. A piece of art that looks perfect besides Baekhyun, and from everything Dabin has told you about her, it seems like her personality matches. Good. Baekhyun deserves someone that'll treat him magnificently. He deserves happiness.

The quiet murmurs behind you make you realize that everyone is watching this moment. Even if they're attempting to be subtle - which, you know if you turn around, they're anything but - it feels like the room is collectively holding its breath. They all knew this moment was coming, but none of them knew how to properly approach it, including Baekhyun, who looks just as hesitant as you feel.

His girlfriend steps toward you, breaking the tension in the room and pulling your attention to her. She holds her hand out to you and introduces herself, breaking Baekhyun out of his stupor, so he can finish the introduction.

You lightly shake her hand, seeing no ill-will or malice in her gaze, and find yourself relaxing a bit. When you give her a genuine smile, you visibly see her shoulders relax. Obviously, she's extremely nervous to be meeting all of his friends like this. You knew exactly how that felt, so you didn't need to add any extra stress for her as the ex. You can put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy for their sake as well.

"Thank god that's over."

Chanyeol’s voice helps remove the rest of the tension in the room, and a couple people chuckle. You let a smile grace your face, but you're still focused on their presence, especially as they move to sit in the chair across from you. Baekhyun pats his lap for her to sit down. When she quickly glances around and realizes there aren't any other seats available, she sits down on his lap and gets comfortable. Much to your dismay, you see him wrap his arms around her waist and rest his chin on her shoulder. The sight is like a stab to your chest, but you push it away with all the rest of your emotions.

Except now that you're seeing him with your own eyes, it's like your brain wants to torture you. Flashes of important moments in your relationship repeat in your mind until you get to the one that you wish you could forget forever. The one you'd easily consider to be one of the worst moments of your life.

Baekhyun's hands are wrapped around yours, and the two of you are gripping and squeezing each other's hands like they're lifeboats keeping you afloat. Tears stream down both of your faces as you lean against each other on the couch.

This is the only solution. Both of you know it, yet, it's one of the hardest things you've ever done. The two of you love each other fiercely, but it feels like you're clasping and trying to hold on to something that just keeps slipping through your fingers. Neither of you wants to let go, but what else can you do? It's a heartbreaking case of the right person at the wrong time.

Between the stresses of work and school, trying to achieve your dreams, and keeping your families happy, your schedules are like night and day. Finding time to be with each other is becoming impossible. The two of you are like ships passing each other in the night. You know the other is there for you, but you rarely ever see them. You both hate it and curse it, but neither of you knows how to change it without compromising things you need or want. Even if being together is one of those things.

"I think it's time we let go," Baekhyun says, though it comes out as more of a sob.

You bite your bottom lip until you taste blood. This isn't what you want. This isn't what either of you want, but what other option is there? It's too hard to keep going on like this. You're too tired of trying to fight for something that doesn't seem like it's meant to be.

You nod because you know if you open your mouth, words won't be what comes out. A whine of someone who's in pain will kiss the air, and neither of you will have the strength to go through with this after. You'll continue being lonely and miserable instead.

Dabin accidentally bumps you, pulling you out of memories you hoped you had suppressed. The breakup was seven months ago, but it still hurts like it was yesterday. It still feels like you can't breathe when those memories resurface.

"Hey," Dabin gazes at you with concern. "You okay?"

You pull that same empty smile back on your face and nod. The sympathetic expression on hers tells you that it's obvious where you had gone in your head. She forces you to join the discussion with the others, probably hoping to distract you.

Glancing at the faces around you, you allow their lively expressions and laughter-filled smiles to pull you from those upsetting memories. This is what you need to focus on. The here and now with the people you love and cherish.

Though once old group memories begin to get brought up, it's hard to separate your relationship with Baekhyun from your relationship with the group. They were so entwined and connected. There are no group memories without coupled Baekhyun and you, and you're gonna have to accept it and roll with the punches.

"Didn't Dabin threaten to beat Chanyeol up for that?"

"Girls must have a thing for threatening Chanyeol because I remember Y/N threatening him too," Jongdae answers Sehun in a roundabout way, causing Baekhyun to chime in.

"That was well deserved!"

Your mind flashes back to Junmyeon's birthday when the group was playing Truth or Dare in an attempt to get Junmyeon to embarrass himself. Jongin was on a health kick, and when Chanyeol saw an opportunity to mess with Baekhyun, he took it.

You repeat the word "please" in your head as Chanyeol looks for his next victim. He already made Jongdae eat some gross-ass thing he concocted, and you didn't want to be his next victim. If you choose truth, Chanyeol knows enough of your secrets that it could backfire on you.

"Baekhyun! Truth or Dare?"

Baekhyun meets his gaze with an unbothered expression. "Dare."

Chanyeol grins wickedly before standing up and walking to the bowl of salad Jongin brought. He reaches into the bowl, ignoring Jongin's protests about his dirty fingers, and pulls out a green circle.

"I dare you to eat this."

Snickers fill the air around you as you stare at the cut-up piece of cucumber. You quickly turn and look at Baekhyun, but his glare is leveled on Chanyeol. Everyone knew Baekhyun hated cucumbers and that this is the one dare he wouldn't do, including Chanyeol.

"No."

"No? Then, I guess you better strip naked and run down the street to the police station."

Your eyes widen at Chanyeol’s second option. Junmyeon immediately protests, citing he doesn't want to see Baekhyun naked or arrested for indecent exposure, but Chanyeol ignores him completely.

"I had to send a nude to my ex last time. Someone - besides me - is getting naked."

"We're grown adults," Sehun groans. "Why does anyone have to get naked?"

"So, my best friend either wants me dead or arrested," Baekhyun says with a deadpan expression.

Chanyeol rolls his eyes. "Don't be so dramatic."

You sigh and try to remind Chanyeol that the goal tonight is to embarrass Junmyeon, not Baekhyun. "Chanyeol, just give him a different dare, or else we're all going to just sit here for the rest of the night."

Chanyeol and Baekhyun are already stubborn people, but the moment alcohol is added, their stubbornness increases tenfold. You know that if one of them doesn't cave soon, the game is over, and someone will be pissy the rest of the night. Chanyeol must've realized this too because you noticed him slowly moving towards Baekhyun, offending green food in hand.

"Chanyeol, if you go anywhere near him with that cucumber, I will shove it down your throat," you threaten. You may be halfway tired of the two idiots, but you’re always willing to defend your boyfriend.

Chanyeol freezes, and Baekhyun looks at him in disbelief before immediately searching for the closest object to him. Junmyeon sighs loudly as a remote flies toward Chanyeol, and Jongin pouts, softly murmuring about Chanyeol’s fingers in his salad.

Rolling your eyes at the memory, you shoot Chanyeol a sweet smile and say, "It's okay. We got payback at the gym."

Dabin snorts next to you. "I forgot you stole all of his clothes while he was in the shower."

"That was not funny! Those little towels they give you don't cover shit!" Chanyeol whines, still visibly perturbed by the memory.

Baekhyun laughs. "When he came out of the locker room trying to cover himself with them, I thought I was going to die of laughter."

You and Baekhyun look at each other with wide smiles on your face. The trouble the two of you used to cause would drive the rest of the group nuts, but you both reveled in it. He was your partner-in-crime, and if the two of you could get away with something, you did it.

"God, the two of you were menaces together," Jongdae groans, causing Minseok to agree.

"They were quite the duo."

You both share soft smiles as you relive the pranks and mayhem you used to cause. The memories flood you with a warm feeling, and you suddenly wish you could go back in time and do it all over again, even if the outcome would still be the same.

"It's a good thing you guys broke up because you're too powerful together," Chanyeol jokes but doesn't realize it falls flat.

You fall silent, barely feeling Dabin shift closer to you so that your arms are against each other in a gesture of comfort. You feel eyes on you, and you look up to see both Junmyeon and Minseok looking at you with sympathy in their gaze. Minseok quickly looks away and changes the topic before it can get any more awkward, and you couldn't be more grateful.

Slowly, your eyes trail to Baekhyun, and it registers in your mind that he's gone silent as well. He looks deep in thought. Almost like the words affected him too. Like he wishes they never graced the air. Your eyes trail down to his hands, and you see him absent-mindedly playing with his girlfriend's fingers, something he did a thousand times with you.

You rip your gaze away as a sick feeling begins in your stomach, but not before Baekhyun notices your stare. You try to play it off, pulling Dabin into a side conversation until you feel his gaze drift away and take a deep breath. You can do this. You've got this.

Almost unwillingly, your eyes find their way back to Baekhyun. The sight before you has the air in your lungs vanishing and your heartbeat stuttering. Baekhyun leans toward his girlfriend as she leans back against him, and he kisses her lips softly. He kisses her like she's the most delicate and precious thing in this world, and it feels like your heart is being ripped from your chest.

The edges of your vision blacken. The couple is the only thing you can see, but it's almost like they're moving away from you, like you're seeing them but not really. A tiny whimper might have escaped your throat, but you're not sure. The only thing you're sure of is your fight or flight response kicking in, and you quickly choose the latter.

You're on your feet and escaping the room before your brain can completely register it. The only thing you know is that you need to get away as soon as possible. You need to distance yourself from them.

The first viable option you find is the bathroom. You quickly duck into the small room and shut the door behind you, locking it and leaning against the hard wood. Air burns your lungs as you suck it back into your body, and you finally start to notice your eyes burning. Blinking rapidly, you try to calm yourself down and make sure no evidence of your near breakdown is visible on your face, though your exit was glaringly obvious.

You move to the counter and flatten your palms on it in an attempt to ground yourself. Mumbled voices reach your ears, and you can hear the worry and questioning behind them. Instant regret slams into you when you realize you have to go back out there and face everybody, face them. Your temporary escape was only that. Temporary.

You thought you were prepared to face him, to see him with his girlfriend, and everything would be fine, but it's so far from the truth. You don't know if you can actually do this, but you have to try. For your friends. For Yixing. For yourself.

Working up the courage to go back out there, you take a few more steadying breaths and straighten your body. This is going to be embarrassing and awkward, but it'll pass. You'll make it through this night, and you'll never have to see Baekhyun and his girlfriend again if you don't want to… You almost hate yourself when you realize you'll gladly see Baekhyun again. No matter how much it hurts.

Coming up with a weak alibi, you flush the toilet and turn on the sink, pretending as if you went to the bathroom. You check your reflection as the water runs, making sure you're not splotchy and look normal. Once you're satisfied, you quickly wash your hands before shutting off the sink and drying them. You then swing open the bathroom door like everything's normal.

The conversation quiets down as you enter the room, and when nearly everyone is staring at you, you offer a sheepish smile.

"Sorry, I really needed to use the restroom."

The looks on their faces tell you they don't believe you at all, but they kindly accept the lie and focus on something else. When you sit down, Dabin gives you a worried look, but you wave her off and do your best to focus on her conversation with Jongin. It takes all of your willpower to not look at the seat across from you. Especially when you feel two sets of eyes boring holes into the side of your face.

You continue on like that for the next hour. You talk to the people around you, let their conversations pull your attention, and avoid Baekhyun's area like the plague. You allow yourself to live in the lie that everything is okay - that you're okay. It works. Barely.

"Dang, the chips are gone," Kyungsoo looks mournfully at the empty bowl.

"Beer too," Sehun adds, looking just as sad.

Knowing there's more in the kitchen, you stand up and offer to grab some more. Yixing shoots you a grateful smile since he's in the middle of a phone call, and you wave him off. You could use the distraction.

Walking into the kitchen, you take a moment to yourself before you move to the refrigerator and open it. You hear footsteps behind you and assume it's Yixing coming to help you, but when you turn to say something to him, you find out you're dead wrong.

Baekhyun stands in the doorway, hands tucked into the front pockets of his jeans as he lightly nibbles on his bottom lip. Your heart slams against your ribcage as you take in the sight of him, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.

"How are you?" He quietly asks.

It takes a moment for you to find your voice. "I'm okay… How are you?"

Baekhyun looks unsure of your words, but he's no longer in a position to question them, so he slowly nods. "I'm good."

"Good," you mumble, happy that he appears to be doing better than you. It'd almost hurt more to see him suffering like you are.

When words fail both of you, you put a fake smile on your face and say, "It's great we were all able to get together today."

Baekhyun's expression appears pained. Partially because it's sad that this is where the two of you are now, but also because you know he can see that you're hurting. Baekhyun always knew how you felt almost before you did, but you aren't going to allow that to be on his conscience. You both agreed to separate. He doesn't need to be punished because he found happiness again.

"Yeah," he clears his throat. "It's great to see everyone."

You hum and turn away from him, pulling the drinks out of the refrigerator so you can focus on something else. Something other than the most beautiful man in the universe staring at you like you're his favorite broken toy, and he doesn't know how to put you back together even though he desperately wants to.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks.

Your eyes fall closed, and you steady your breathing before you face him again. In the most believable voice you can manage, you say, "I'm fine."

"Don't…" He immediately says, shaking his head. "Don't do that."

"Do what?" Your voice comes out a little breathless due to the intensity behind his eyes.

The pained expression is clear on his face now. "Don't lie to me. Don't try to put on some face with me to save my feelings."

"Baekhyun, I'm not - "

"Please…" His voice cracks and that paired with the honest and raw expression in his pleading eyes is nearly your undoing.

You can't do this. You can't tell him the truth, but you can't lie either. Not to Baekhyun. You've never lied to him before, and he knew you like the back of his hand anyway. He'd know you weren't being honest. It didn't matter, though, because you can't tell him how you really feel. You can't tell him and upend his new world. You won't.

You open your mouth to speak, but he's quick to cut you off. "Don't lie to me, either… I know you. I know you're… hurting."

Debating the ramifications, you meet his pleading stare with an honest one of your own. This could be your one chance to tell him how you feel. Even if it doesn't change anything. Even if he acknowledges it and walks away, at least you told him…

"It hurts…" Your voice breaks. "It hurts seeing you be like that with someone else. It almost hurts to breathe in your presence, and it kills me to not be by your side because I am still so in love with you… so deeply in love with you that I'm scared I'll never be over you."

Your words nearly end on a sob, and you're amazed that you're able to get that much out. That you somehow found the strength to push them from your mouth.

Baekhyun's face is a mixture of surprise and shock. He knew you were hurting, but you don't think he knew how you were still in love with him. How much it hurt seeing him and his girlfriend today. A look of pure anguish and grief takes over his features, and you realize he has no idea what to say or do. He didn't expect any of that to come out when he asked if you were okay. Maybe an "It's hard" but certainly not "I'm still deeply in love with you".

He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out at first. What can you even say to something like that? You immediately feel ashamed and like an idiot. He has a freaking girlfriend. She's right down the hallway for goodness sake! He's moved on. He doesn't still love you, and you should've kept your mouth shut like you originally planned.

"I'm so sorry," you blurt out. "I shouldn't have said anything."

You quickly move past him, trying to get away from what just happened, all while repeating how sorry you are for saying anything. Though, before you get past him and free of the kitchen, he grabs your arm and stops you.

"Wait."

"I shouldn't have said any of that."

"Will you please just let me talk?" His voice is more serious than you've ever heard it.

You squeeze your eyes shut. "I'm sorry. I know you've moved on. I should've kept it to myself."

"No, you shouldn't have." His grip tightens on your arm. "Now, will you just give me a moment to talk?"

Your eyes find his as tears threaten to leak from them. It's completely selfish not wanting to listen to what he has to say, especially after everything that just fell from your lips, but you can't be broken up with twice. You can't be rejected again, even if the first time was mutual. The first time nearly broke you. You didn't know if you'd survive a second time.

Pulling your arm out of his grasp, you shake your head and back away from him, preparing for your getaway. "I'm sorry… I can't."

Baekhyun's Pov

Baekhyun stands completely dumbfounded in the kitchen. Your words replay over and over in his head until he feels like he is in some sort of sick dream.

He's wanted to hear those words from you nearly every day since the breakup. Dreamt of it dozens of times throughout the months, and he considers pinching himself to make sure he's not dreaming right now. To make sure that you really just told him you're still in love with him. The person he had fallen so head-over-heels for it had knocked the breath out of him.

You still love him… but… he has a girlfriend now…

The feeling of being ripped open cracks his chest, and Baekhyun doesn't know if he's ever been more torn in his life. You're you. You're everything, but it didn't work out the first time, so why should he be stupid enough to think it'd work a second time? Especially when there hasn't been much change in either of your circumstances.

His girlfriend is amazing. Thoughtful, caring, giving… She makes him happy. She helped him come back from the darkness he felt when the two of you broke up. Helped him realize he could find someone to be happy with again, but she also wasn't you.

He sighs, having absolutely zero clue of what he should do. The tiniest part of him wishes he never asked, wishes he never knew your true feelings. That's just the selfish part of him that doesn't want to inevitably hurt someone he cares about.

It was already hard enough being here in your presence and having to relive old memories. Now, he has no idea what to expect as he walks out of the kitchen and back to the main room. He's unsure if he should look at you or not, but as he passes you, his eyes try to find yours regardless. He silently begs you to look at him, but you refuse. Your eyes are laser-focused on Yixing as he talks, but Baekhyun is positive you have no idea what he's saying. You're so still. He knows you're waiting for the hammer to fall down.

Baekhyun sits down, his girlfriend finding her way back on his lap again, and now all he can think about is how this sight might be killing you. If he were in your position, he had no idea what he would do. All he knew was that it wouldn't be pretty. He takes a deep breath and rolls his shoulders, causing his girlfriend to look back at him curiously. He flashes her a smile and decides to push your words out of his head and focus on the present.

That would be a lot easier if your actions didn't keep drawing his attention right back to you. Every time you speak or laugh, his eyes are drawn to you like a moth to a flame. He can't stop himself, and he's unsure if he even wants to.

You're just as beautiful as he remembered. Just as eloquent and lively as before, but he can see the difference in you, no matter how much you try to hide it. You're hurting, just as bad as he was, if not even more. Baekhyun feels sick at the thought. He thought the breakup would help you both, but it's clear it had the opposite effect. It destroyed you instead.

Your words continue to repeat in his head like a broken record. He knew how much it cost you to speak those words. To admit to being in pain and scared. To admit to being in love with him still… and it'd be a blatant lie for him to say he doesn't still have feelings for you.

The moment he heard those words from you, he wanted to take you back immediately. He wanted to pretend the breakup was just a nightmare and go back to the way things were. He almost told you he still loved you too, so much that the thought you felt even an inkling of the same electrified him. If you hadn't stopped him, if you had allowed him to talk, the two of you would probably be making up for lost time right now.

Shifting on his lap catches his attention, and he looks away from you to see his girlfriend watching him. Guilt threatens to drown him. None of this is fair to her. She doesn't deserve to have her boyfriend focused on someone else. She deserves the world, and Baekhyun is just now realizing he can't give it to her. He can't give her all of him because you still hold such a massive piece in your hands.

"What happened in there?" She softly asks.

Baekhyun's entire being freezes. He has no idea what to say. He barely even knows what to think himself, but he certainly knows that now isn't the time for this conversation. The two of them needed to talk in private, so for now, he'd play it off and act like everything is fine.

"Nothing," he gives her a soft smile. "We were just catching up is all."

Her eyebrows raise, and he knows she's smarter than that. She knows there's more to it.

"You both came out looking like different people."

Her words startle him. He hadn't realized how transparent he was being. Do they all know that something is going on? Is it written on your faces?

"Let's talk about it later," he says as gently as he can.

His girlfriend pauses for a moment before she says, "She still loves you, doesn't she?"

His breath escapes him, and he looks at her in surprise. If he felt like he was drowning earlier, a tidal wave was now crashing down on top of him too. Any chance of a lifeboat coming in and telling him everything will be okay is minuscule. How did she know?

She only nods, like the answer is clear to her. "And you?"

A tight feeling in his chest rises to his attention, and he has to remind himself to breathe. He doesn't want to hurt her. That's the absolute last thing he wants, but his silence gives her the answer she needs.

She turns away from him, slightly nodding to herself as she processes the information he didn't mean to give her yet. When she looks back at him, he sees acceptance on her face, almost like she expected this to eventually happen. A small smile and slightly watery eyes meet his gaze, and Baekhyun wants to pull her into the tightest hug. She doesn't deserve this.

She leans toward him and kisses his cheek before lowly murmuring, "Don't let her get away this time."

Before Baekhyun can even respond, she stands up from his lap. When people turn to look at her, she smiles and then turns to Yixing, thanking him for his hospitality. After that, she turns to the door and walks out, not only of Yixing's house but of Baekhyun's life.

A few people glance at him curiously, but all he offers them is a small smile. Even though he's feeling anything but calm. He's completely dumbfounded. Again. He's shocked by her actions, relieved that she gave him an out without so much as a word, and guilty for feeling relieved.

Baekhyun didn't know if he'd ever be able to do what she just did, but it completely fits her personality. Her soft and selfless nature, which only caused his guilt to grow, but… this is exactly what he wanted. He knew he couldn't be with her. He didn't want to be because of you.

He carefully watches you, and though you're trying your absolute best not to look over at him, he can tell you're dying to know what just happened. He thinks over your relationship, the small moments he deeply cherished, and all of the light and laughter you brought to his life… All the hell of not being able to see and spend time with each other was worth it for all those little moments you had together. He's still deeply in love with you too.

Y/N’s POV

Curiosity is getting the better of you. You're dying to know why Baekhyun's girlfriend left. Did she have somewhere else to be? It didn't look like they fought or anything. In fact, she kissed him on the cheek before she left. Surely, everything is okay between them… There's no way Baekhyun told her what you said, right?

You try to focus on Jongdae and Kyungsoo's conversation, but your mind is too busy running wild with possibilities and theories. You made a mistake telling Baekhyun your real feelings, didn't you? That's why she left, isn't it? No, that doesn't make sense. Why would that cause her to leave? It's not Baekhyun's fault how you feel, and it's not like he feels the same.

Well, you assume not, but you didn't exactly give him a chance to speak on anything you said. You tucked your tail and ran like your life depended on it. Baekhyun moved on, though, so you are assuming you're correct. Then again, you know what they say about assumptions…

You keep glancing over at Baekhyun, but he never looks your way. Actually, he barely looks at anyone. He just looks deep in thought as he stares at the armrest of Chanyeol’s chair. It drives you absolutely insane that nobody speaks about what happened. Your friends are some of the nosiest people you know, and you know they're dying to find out why Baekhyun looks spaced out and his girlfriend left.

As the night wraps up, you say your goodbyes, giving the people you don't see often extra tight hugs, especially Yixing. After making him promise not to be gone so long next time, you glance around the room to make sure you got everyone. When you spot Baekhyun talking to Junmyeon, you debate for a total of 10 seconds if you're going to say goodbye or once again tuck your tail and run. You choose the latter.

Grabbing your things, you exit Yixing's house, thinking you made a clean getaway when you suddenly hear a "wait" from behind. You freeze on the front porch, knowing that voice all too well. When you turn around, you see Baekhyun running toward you, almost breathless.

The determination in his eyes startles you, and when he takes a step toward you, you almost take a step back. Managing to stay still, you allow Baekhyun to reach down and take your slightly trembling hands in his. You look at him with wide eyes, your voice gone as you wait for him to say something. Anything.

"I still love you too," he says, eyes searching yours. "We made a mistake breaking up. We should've stuck it out together, living in those short moments of bliss when we could make time for each other. If I had known we'd both be miserable, I never would've allowed it to happen. When it was just me… I could handle it, but I can't handle you being unhappy too."

Your mouth parts in shock, and you search his face to try and understand if this is really happening. These are the words you've wanted to hear from Baekhyun for months. You want nothing more than to be with him again, but… it's no use. There hasn't been any change in your lives. Maybe you're slightly less busy, but it wouldn't make much of a difference.

"Baekhyun… Those words mean everything to me, but…" you whisper, "nothing has changed…"

"Can you really walk away when we both know that the other's hurting? When we both know what the other wants?"

Could you? Walking away the first time was hard enough. Now, you know what both sides of the coin look like, and you know you'd rather suffer the time you have to be apart just for those little moments. You want to be with him. Desperately. Without him, you're half the person you used to be.

"No…" you whisper, searching his eyes.

He can read the feelings on your face loud and clear. His hands drop yours and come up to cup your face. He pulls you toward him, meeting your lips halfway. You immediately open yourself to let him in, and he takes advantage, tongue swiping against yours feverishly. The both of you pour your entire souls into the kiss, letting the other know all the things you want to say but don't know how to word. Suddenly, it's like everything clicks into place.

A pounding sound startles you apart, and you both turn to see your friends banging against the glass of the window that overlooks the porch. A couple of them cheer while others continue to pound on the glass with happy smiles on their faces.

A grin overtakes your mouth, and you glance at Baekhyun to see he's wearing a matching one. His eyes twinkle as he looks at you before he pulls you back to him and kisses you just as passionately as before. The two of you put on a show for your friends, who eat up every second of it, and everything feels right again.

Baekhyun pulls away and rests his forehead against yours. You breathe in each other's air as he happily stares into your eyes.

"I'm never letting go of you again."

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