#existential dread: PRESENT

[holyshit]

.

#it's gonna be my bday in like half an hour or so #and i am so fucking anxious i wanna die #i always get birthday anxiety and it's pm a guarantee i will cry at least once #just out of like pure existential madness #but i usually have at least a good chunk of good to balance it out and make it good overall in the end #but this year i just knowww two things are gonna happen that are gonna devastate me #so feeling <3 awful <3 #dreading everything ! #but putting this feeling out into the universe in hopes it cancels out the bad and everything turns out fine #as a little birthday present

[van-eazy]

Such a paradox that those who think that life and the universe are meaningless also tend to get the most upset and angry when such a meaningless life and universe fails to go their way 🤔….

#your nightly meditation for existential dread is to remember that you didn’t have to do anything to be born… it just happened naturally #you also didn’t have to do anything to start puberty it just happened naturally #you won’t need to do a thing to die it’ll just happen naturally one way or another #and so you don’t need to worry about the point of this existence or the next #anything important will happen naturally #the purpose of your life will happen naturally #your epic adventure could be five years down the road and you’re just the prologue right now man #there is no such thing as time only and eternally valid present moment #ruminating on the past and wishing is different is an illness of time illusion we call depression #another illness of time is anxiety where you imagine the figure so powerfully and negatively that you cause you body to stress in the now #the next time you have depression or anxiety over your own existence remember neither the past nor the future are real they’re just stories #only now is real #goodnight #*figure = future 😆

[the-art-cave]

#I've only been in college for 6 weeks #And I'm already thinking about dropping art completely to go hang with animals for a living #More like at a zoo or a sanctuary but just something #Anyway I'm surviving by a thread #But its better then not surviving at all #Good thing about staying busy is the existential dread is mostly gone #Relationship sadness is still a little present but it doesn't emotionally kill me anymore #But everything could still fail #And If it does #I'll just turn to the lions

[muu-kun]

#; ♡ ; okay to reblog #muu has admittedly been describing is self perceived melancholy and isolation regarding it #as being comparable to the circle drawn around Sadness in Inside Out due to others finding his emotions to be Too Much in capacity #and that as such he has thus been persistently trying to make himself very very small in spaces #so that maybe perhaps someone would soon be able to reside in the circle with him just until he gets to where he feels he is supposed to be #muu has also stated on numerous actions that while he is adamant about self healing he is not necessarily of preference #to not have the assistance of peers and their feedback and he tends he show it most predominantly in asking them to hear Everything #about himself in the form of the big box because one he wants assurances at the end of it all but also because he Has to be explaining #his processes of thought and general state of where he is now to people so that they may go Oh so that why you do the neurotic shit you do #but it really be hard out here when you don't know how to self advocate for a persistently emotionally present romantic partner #you don't really have any friends and you are either God awful at making new ones or you don't want to try for reasons of either #feeling scorned past close friends of yours have left time and time again OR #because you don't know what version of yourself is the Real one or the Good one or the Authentic one so you avoid socializing #until you can properly answer that dilemma but in turn you've left yourself with 1 person to seek out and talk to #but with that comes the existential dread of either a this person is also going to leave me or #b I am in fact so totally codependent on them that it isn't fair to be my sole research for assistance that I ought to fend for myself #but what do you even do to fend for yourself when you don't even know how to Advocate for yourself?? #you devise a plan to shrink down and provide no indication to those around you that you are struggling with anything #that perhaps shriveling yourself down like that will allow for people to find you tolerable enough to be around #and that their presences will patch up every interpersonal wound in your system until eventually what you are faking has come true #; ♡ ; inner thoughts

[imto-osensitive]

of nostalgia and fantasies

where did all the time go?

the pictures take me back in time

a time when times seemed simpler

am i old or is it just

nostalgia?

why do we fantasise about the past?

does that mean the present is a fantasy?

because in the future

we have already

fantasised this moment?

#3am thoughts #spilled thoughts #sad poetry #sad thoughts #spilled poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #3 am ramblings #heartache #poems on tumblr #existence #existentialism #existential crisis #existential dread #nostalgia #nostalgic #nostaligiacore #nostaliga #uncertainty #present #past lives #future

[swordsonnet]

life may kind of suck right now, but hey! i made a rainbow! (hand for scale)

#*ben wyatt voice* could a depressed person make THIS? #would link to the pattern but i got it from a german book that my mum got from the library so i doubt you can find it online #i whipped this up in like an hour last night - v simple and fun little project! #will probably make more of these little guys #it really is all about the joy of creation staving off the ever-present existential dread huh #crochet #crochetblr

[starcloud-nova]

sit down with me. the reason why in my messed up, teenager view of the world, adult life is miles easier than student life is because all of my problems are caused by my current situation. i can handle the 8 hour days. i can handle bills and groceries and navigating social situations. but if i have to keep selling my weekends to the devil and fighting to keep my grades up inch by inch and living in an environment that is fundamentally unproductive to my mental health then i will explode. do you understand.

#ultimately the pressure of performing better than everyone else in a well-off neighborhood #with a non-existent support system and no autonomy in my personal life in any conceivable way #and being forced to stay in friendships of convenience as well as present myself a certain way to others at all times #to me is more difficult than living life as an adult #sorry 4 getting real on my silly tumblr blog ! i will not stop. #sorry if u see this but : last august an adult friend basically implied to me that being a teen is easy(er) #and im ngl that singular comment in one conversation was 80% of my existential dread this past year. IS IT easier??

[magnoliamyrrh]

v tired of this "i dont want to do anything" ordeal. i dont even feel...."""depressed""" idk that doesnt seem like the right word to put on it. maybe it is tho. idk. ive just been spending a lot of time on school stuff which is good and im glad for, but when i get free time i Dont feel guilty abt i just,,, :/ nothing feels right or satisfying or like something i wanna do

#might be because im in the 50th layer of existential global contemplation and dread 24/7 #guess thats why i dont like the word depression when it comes to it #like yes i am depressed i guess. but not for nothing not because of brain chemicals either or whatever but because. the;;;;; world. the. #e v e r y t h i n g #the future the past the present the ... all the stuff

[vivienna-vivid]

Existential dread to YOU. I quite enjoy them.

#vivien talks #is this something lol? #legit i do love topics made to feel existential dread #they dont make me feel afraid they make me go ''i see. this is why we must love the present as much as we can'' #and i am instantly full of wonderment and love

[gottagobuycheese]

Quick Life Update

Hello hello, my fellow internet urchins! I know activity here’s always extremely sporadic, and that’s not gonna change in the near or moderately distant future (unless I suddenly acquire incredible time management skills but...ha), BUT I figured since I’ve got an impromptu day off it might be worth sticking an interim update here in case I go months without a peep, so here’s what’s been happening lately:

Moved countries and continents again!

Started a new job for better or for worse lol

Found and am currently wading between at least three new(-ish) obsessions (which will hopefully surface here at some point instead of staying on the backburner indefinitely) 

Forgot how to draw :(

RE-LEARNED HOW TO DRAW

Smooched death on the cheek twice in completely unrelated events of varying degrees of stupidity*

(...Okay that’s a much smaller list than I expected, it feels like it’s been a year but I guess it’s only been a bit under two months XD)

Anyhow, expect some long overdue reblogs coming this way as well as some artwork, old and new! It will probably be irrelevant to pretty much all of y’all who are still here but if you’ve been here a while I trust you know this is part and parcel of this blog skjdhfsk

#*the first incident was objectively the more stupid and avoidable one and I'm still smad about it #but less of a ‘smooch death on the cheek’ than a ‘standing at the crosswalk and the hooded figure with the scythe across the street— #‘— winks at you just as a bus passes then disappears’ #I'M SORRY VAN YOU DESERVED A BETTER END THAN THAT #the second one I'm PRETTY sure was not my fault #but the river gods demanded a sacrifice and my brand new glasses took up the mantle in my stead #thanks a lot river gods >:/ #I only had them for two days and now the case is all alone... #but the river guide said I got Extra Cool Points for not freaking out and giving them a thumbs up while the rapids were spinning me around #so I'll take that as a win #I'm glad I wasn't the one watching though it would've been so stressful from the other side haha #anyways all that to say that if I ever learn how to WRITE again I'm definitely using that sensation it was super interesting #Cheese's personal molasses #anyways the new obsessions are sxf and orv #and also pokemon but that's more of a long-term one that comes and goes #anyways #as I'm sure you are all well aware #general current global events are Extremely Present and Stressful at All Times #so in the interest of not becoming puddle of anxiety and existential dread some of that won't be here for the next while #because while I'd like to keep up with current events both offline AND online I would also like to actually Show Up for my job #and at the moment that is taking up more mental bandwidth than expected #so for the time being this will primarily be an escape #with the odd bit of Relevant Life Stuff here and there #ANYWAYS THAT'S THAT HOPE YOU'VE ALL BEEN WELL OR WILL BE WELL #AND I'M GLAD YOU'RE STILL ALIVE

[tardis--dreams]

I talked to my professor yesterday and I have some thoughts but it's too exhausting to rant rn. But there will be. Ranting.

#nice guy #in general #but bro my friend my dude #i know it's MY fault i didn't get my shit together earlier. could have done that 2 years ago. my bad. BUT #in this particular situation HE is at least 50% to blame for this mess #because i asked him SIX months ago if he could supervise me and told him i had a lot of time pressure #and he insisted i take his stupid seminar #i told him essentially Every week i had time pressure and would like to finish my thesis asap #but i couldn't start working until i had the presentation and that was too late and then fell together with everything else #so now I'm here having EXISTENTIAL DREAD and YES I'M BLAMING YOU MY FRIEND! Like. at least 50% #agreed. it is my fault i didn't do it WAYYYY earlier #but it's not like i didn't tell him for the past 6 months what my deadline was #anyway #i talked about me getting unenrolled from my masters program and i mentioned that'd I'd have to drop out of university #if i couldn't do next semester and i think that made him take me seriously lol #because he went 'ok. i don't think this'll work out in February so let's see if i find a second examiner who'd be willing to do ot #in 6 weeks instead of 8 so you'd have until mid march' #so nice enough #but he said twice something along the lines 'you're putting us in a difficult situation' #BITCH *YOU* PUT *ME* IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION #I'm not putting you anywhere #i didn't even ask for him to do it faster #i really just explained the stakes here. it's not like i force him to correct my shit with 2 weeks less time #and both times he said it i had to literally hold myself back from saying something like 'yeah I mean it's not like i told you MONTHS ago #and i would have loved to do it last semester break but you forced me to take your seminar so idk what you want from me bro' #again. TOTALLY my fault for letting it get this far in the first place but absolutely at least half his fault for it to get this far #in that particular situation #again. it's nice enough he considered doing it in 6 weeks and asking his colleague to be the second examiner #(my boss. from the German department. i cry lmao) #(now i ended up ranting anyway. and hit tag limit. whoops.)

[astcrfieldaway]

“now, honestly… what's truly bothering you?” from maeve millay to william grace

"You honestly think I'd answer that? You might need some rewiring in there." He responded sharply, trying to shake off the question before it could rake root. But it did, and then he was pondering it, because it wasn't as if it were ever far from his thoughts anyhow. And what was it? He felt the absence of Charlotte as keenly as a severed limb, but he supposed that would happen when one spent near thirty years working with another. He had an awareness of Dolores, sulking somewhere in the archives and hating him, but that was hardly new. Then there was Maeve herself before him, who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet in his head if she had the means, which he could accept he was deserving of while still not wanting. Or, was it the same thing as always, that looming pointlessness to it all? "If this is... real. Not a new park, maybe not even fidelity testing. But it still feels like some damn game that we're playing blind. You, me, and her. The way the world was didn't suit, but this isn't better."

@artificialvoyage

#Tw mentions of gore #And his ever present existential dread lmao #✂︎ ━━ 𝔭𝔯𝔢𝔱𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔪𝔶 𝔩𝔦𝔣𝔢 ━━ william interaction #{ ft maeve millay }

[gracelessmeredithgrace]

I’m making plans to stay at my best friend’s house this weekend.

The house that she owns with her fiancé. I’m staying in their guest room and helping with wedding planning.

What happened to sleeping on the floor in our parents’ basements and watching shitty movies until 4am?

When did we grow up this much? 😭😭😭😭

#mine #text #this is 26 I guess #I’m still looking forward too it because the new things are also fun #I’m just having a lot of ‘where tf did the time go?’ moments this year #makes it hard to be present when I’m constantly wondering when the past got so far away #or being terrified of how fast the future is going to get here #I swear the older you get the faster time passes and nothing can prepare you for it #can’t hold on to any moments because they just flow by before I even realize what they are #this user is experiencing existential dread #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[sharkwing]

I’m hearing good things about Carol and the End of the World, but from what I’ve heard I honest to god think that watching it would be terrible for my mental health. At least in the dead of winter like this. Sad!!!!!!

#i hear yall but honestly hazbin hotel and percy jackson is the maximum depth i can handle without spiraling into existential dread #at this present moment #i’ll be smart and thoughtful once the sun comes back okay #shark.txt

[hatefulbutterfly]

just watched “Barbie”(2023)! it was pretty good imo :)

#barbie 2023 #butterfly flutters #now i am full of existential dread #probably bc i was reminded of the absolutely hellish standards put on AFAB (and femme presenting) people + women by society #great movie though! i am thoroughly overwhelmed /pos

[aromothmantic]

I've already decided that I'm wearing pajama pants to therapy tomorrow because I simply Do Not Give a Fuck

#it won't be the first time #nothing like three years of isolation and existential dread to destroy any worries i had about looking “presentable” #phoenix screams into the void