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#exes to tentative lovers again
boneblushed · 3 months
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Labyrinth
Uh oh, I’m falling in love / Oh no, I’m falling in love again
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synopsis you’re reunited with your ex-boyfriend, Rafe, at an Outer Banks wedding.
tags Rafe Cameron x fem!reader, exes to lovers, second chance romance, slowburn-ish, A LOT of angst, an equal amount of pining, an awful breakup but a wonderful reconciliation 💓
wc ~11k
“You look,” you murmur, squeezing Brooklyn’s shoulder gently, “perfect.”
She’s sitting in front of a round, gold-rimmed mirror, the windows on either side of her painting her skin a warm aureate. You stand in shadow behind her, the sunbeams unable to reach your pretty features. There’s a wistfulness to them that’s almost imperceptible.
Almost. If she weren’t your best friend, someone you’ve known since forever, she probably wouldn’t have noticed the way you were hiding from them. The smile on her face falters as she looks up at you through the mirror.
“Look,” she begins tentatively, frowning, “if this is too hard —”
“Do not,” you interrupt. You try for an encouraging smile; what you hope is an encouraging smile. “I’m totally fine, okay? I’m over it.”
A pause. Brooklyn’s reflection sends you a long, hard look. “No one would blame you if you weren’t.”
You know what that means, the insinuation behind her words: you were supposed to be the first one. It’s all anyone in the Figure Eight was saying when they first found out about your break-up: you’re meant for each other, though, we can’t imagine you not being a couple!
Well, neither could you, not that it really mattered. Six months on with half a heart and pulseless motive, you’ve come to realise that wretched pining comes at a costly price.
You can’t afford it anymore.
“I know,” you reply quietly.
The spaghetti strap of your cowl neck falls as you straighten, the periwinkle fabric shimmering forebodingly. An image of the Rafe you knew flashes in your mind, slipping it down to press a kiss on your skin. Your stomach drops.
“But I am,” you add, louder. As though you’re trying to convince yourself more than you are her. “I promise.”
Brooklyn stares at you for a long time before her gaze falls, acquiescing with a sigh. “I hate that you still don’t believe it.”
“Believe what?”
“That he could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve you.”
You bite back another wince, the fresh sting of forgotten feelings pricking at your eyelids. “I do believe it,” you say quietly. “I do. That’s what makes all of this so fucking hard — that I know we’re never getting a second chance. That he chose to throw all of it away and I’m never going to be able to forgive him for it.”
“You shouldn’t have to, though!”
“We were together for half our lives, Brooke!” You turn away from the mirror, taking in a jagged breath. “We — his mom had promised me her ring before she died, for God’s sake. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to walk away from what we had?”
A long pause. Brooke’s voice is gentle, but her words cut like a knife. “It’s not as though you had a choice, Y/N/N. He didn’t give you one.”
You look around at her, unshed tears making your pretty eyes shine. “What does it say about me that I’m no closer to accepting that than I was six months ago?”
“Babe.” A tear falls. Brooke’s features soften, and she pulls you into a tight hug, enough pressure to wring out the melancholy in your chest. “It says that you’re human.”
She rocks you for a moment before you’re forced to pull apart, a knock on the door breaking your reverie. “God,” you self-reproach, sending Brooklyn a watery smile. “I would find a way to make your day about me, wouldn’t I?”
“Maybe I should ditch Kelce,” Brooklyn replies faux-seriously, catching the stray tears wetting your lower lids. “We can elope or something.”
As though on queue, the Universe intervenes before she can go through with this idea. Perhaps it knows, having watched the pair of grow close throughout college, that there’s a part of her that really would call this all off if you asked her to.
“Sweetheart!” Comes Brooklyn’s father’s voice from behind the door, punctuated by the sharp rap of his knuckles. “It’s nearly time!”
The tension ebbs. Suddenly, everything about this wedding—the same one you’ve been helping her plan forever—becomes entirely too real. Your melancholia is a tide in this way, flowing forth and receding as its surroundings permit. Never fading away; ever-present. Though it may not be as unbearable now as it was when you first broke up, it lingers.
You’re afraid that it always will. You push down this fear like you’ve done every other.
Focus. Your eyes widen in anticipation, mirroring Brooklyn’s as they transform into nervous excitement.
“Come in!” Brooklyn calls anxiously, biting back a squeal. You’re grateful for the fact that you haven’t ruined her mood completely. “Oh my god. Oh my god!”
She stands up and turns around just as her father enters the room, his lined face shining with a wistful sense of happiness. As the atmosphere in the room shifts, she glances back at you, and your insides twist in cruel mocking. More repentant than jealous. I was supposed to be the first one.
You don’t let your expression falter. The first few chords of the processional float into the room through the ajar door, and you spring into action, smoothing out your dress and readjusting your bouquet of flowers.
“That’s my queue,” you say, squeezing her arm once more before slipping past her and her father.
In true Kook fashion, Brooklyn’s wedding ceremony is taking place on the Island Club green. Upon exiting the storage room you’ve transformed into a vanity, you find yourself in the entranceway that leads to the venue, the set-up just visible beyond its oak doors.
Benches of beige driftwood sit on either side of the aisle, twined with buttery white lilies and ivy-like viridescence. They face a brilliant floral wedding arch, where the officiant and Kelce stand talking in hushed whispers. And the sky above you is a vibrant, cloudless blue, golden sunlight fanning down upon the crowd, bathing them aureate.
In the beat that passes, you search for someone you shouldn’t.
The last time that you saw him, he was hunched over his father’s office desk. His eyes were bloodshot and his tired gaze dull; half-finished documents stared up at him in mocking, and a nagging ache was making home in his chest.
The week prior, you hadn’t seen much of each other. And it wasn’t as though he’d requested this space—he rarely did, rarely asked you for anything—you’d just taken it upon yourself to give it to him. Stay in control. If you proposed time apart before he did, maybe it would feel more deliberate; hurt less.
You were dead wrong.
“Look,” he sighs, this cruel, heavy sound that splices right through your chest, “I realise I’ve been neglecting our relationship a lot recently.”
“Yes,” you respond tentatively. “But you’ve been under a lot of pressure recently. I get it.”
“You shouldn’t have to.” He glances up at you through red-rimmed irises. “I… I don’t know how long it’ll be like this. With everything that’s happened… my dad dying, and me taking over the firm —”
“I’ve seen you through all of it,” you interrupt quietly, your voice cracking. “I’ve — no questions asked, I’ve done it. I get it, Rafe, you’ve got different priorities at the moment. But we’ve loved each other for so long now that I —”
“But that’s the thing,” he says then, swallowing hard, “I just don’t know if I do anymore. Not as much as I used to.”
The silence that follows feels as though it’s suffocating you. You haven’t said a word, and Rafe’s said plenty, but it’s you with the lungs that heave for loveless oxygen.
“Oh.”
Rafe’s Adam’s apple jumps again, and he breaks eye contact as unshed tears brim to the surface. “I’m sorry.”
It doesn’t make any sense.
“Maybe,” you try, grappling hard for a logical explanation, “maybe your grief’s fucking with your ability to feel anything.”
Rafe’s gaze lifts to your face again, teardrop tracks making your pretty cheeks shine. His heart aches, hard, and he finds it difficult to catch his breath. “But… I’ve dealt with it,” he says quietly. “I’ve had to.”
“How can you have?” You throw back, exasperated. “Rafe you — you haven’t had a moment to yourself since his funeral last month, you’ve holed yourself up in his office and acted like everything’s fucking okay!”
“Because it is!” He replies, his face hardening momentarily. “I’m — I’m fucking fine, alright? I just need to be alone right now.”
“Because you don’t love me anymore.”
Rafe winces. Your lower lip trembles. “Yeah. Because something’s missing… the — the fucking spark, or whatever… and right now, I can’t give you the sort of love you deserve.”
He was tired of hurting you through his abjection, he’d said. As if breaking things off wasn’t the most hurtful thing he ever did.
Thankfully, you aren’t able to spot him in the crowd; if you had, walking down the aisle would have been infinitely more difficult. Out of courtesy to you—and Brooke forcing his hand, of course—he hadn’t asked Rafe to be a groomsman either, so you were well safe from an untimely encounter at pre-wedding festivities. And from standing opposite him in front of the altar. You aren’t sure such close proximity in holy matrimony would be healthy for either of you.
It’s unfair on him though, you know it is. He has as much a right being best man as you do maid of honour — the four of you were thick as thieves once upon a time; in fact, it was you that’d introduced Kelce to Brooklyn.
It feels like so long ago when you think back on it now, being nineteen-years-old with a naïve heart and nothing to lose.
You and Rafe had seemed invincible then, high-school sweethearts that were somehow surviving college-borne distance. Forever, that’s the word that ended every drunk call or late night text; forever, and the promise of a proposal and beach-side villa.
“Shi—did you not see the sock on the door, Smith?” Rafe groans, his forehead dropping to your shoulder in defeat. He’s spent the past half hour getting you into a compromising position, his rough hands awry and his wet mouth on your soft skin. The amaranthine imprint of his kisses have made home on your neck. You’re straddling him with your arms wrapped around his shoulders, and he really doesn’t want to sacrifice any amount of closeness.
Kelce enters the room tentatively, his hand firmly pressed over his eyes. “Hard to miss. You two decent or what?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
You let out a peal of laughter as Rafe glowers at his roommate, his calloused palms dropping from your hips to your thighs. You push the fabric of your dress over his hands, but he kneads the flesh anyway, the skin on skin like spare oxygen.
Kelce peeks at you from between his fingers before pulling them away, an unimpressed look on his face. “C’mon, surely you’re done with her Cameron. I’ve given you guys the entire fucking day together.”
“Half an hour,” Rafe replies, his blue eyes narrowing.
“As if you need more than five minutes,” Kelce snorts, plopping down on the bed opposite Rafe’s.
“Oh fuck—” Rafe’s large hands circle your thighs and tighten, standing up and advancing toward Kelce with you in his arms, “—right off—”
“Rafe!” You gasp, suppressing another surprised laugh. “Put me down, you asshole.”
“No way, Y/N/N,” Kelce says then, raising his arms in preemptive surrender. “Your PDA’s the only reason he hasn’t given me a shiner yet.”
Rafe affirms this sentiment by pressing a chaste kiss to your temple, his eyes still narrowed as he glares at Kelce. “You’re lucky I love my girlfriend more than I do my fucking reputation.”
Kelce makes a face, keeling over and mock-gagging. “Yeah, yeah, you guys have been bethrothed since fucking pre-K, I get it. Now will you stop being so possessive and let me have a conversation with her?”
You look over your shoulder at him, untangling your arms from Rafe’s neck so he can let you down gently. When he does so, it’s with great reluctance, and he doesn’t hesitate to circle your chest so he can pull you back against him. His strong bicep is warm against your neck, solid pressure.
“What’s up, Kelcey?” You ask, surveying him with interest.
“Ghosted,” he says gloomily, falling back against his duvet, “again.”
Rafe glances down at you at the same time you look up at him, a sage, sympathetic emotion passing between you. In the weeks after your break-up, you’ll come to yearn for this emotion more than anything else — that feeling of being immune to inadequacy, of having found the love of your life so effortlessly.
“You’ve gotta stop coming on so hard, bro,” Rafe says, resting his chin on your forehead. “These sorority chicks are probably all looking for something casual.”
“He can’t help the fact that he’s a lover boy, Rafe,” you defend, frowning. “You’ve just gotta find a girl that wants what you want, Kelce.”
Kelce raises his head hopefully. “Know anyone like that, Y/N/N?”
“Well,” you pause, chewing your bottom lip thoughtfully, “I am thinking of inviting my roommate Brooklyn to the Bahamas over summer break —”
“To Rafe’s?” This piques Kelce’s interest. He props himself up onto his elbows, a hopeful grin transforming his features. “Sold.”
How times change.
Today, Kelce stands at the other end of the aisle, waiting for the same Brooklyn that was once your roommate, now his almost wife. He’s wearing an elegant black tuxedo with a lily tucked into the breast pocket, its buttery white petals shining in the sun. He looks so, unimaginably, happy. It should’ve been you and Rafe. Your heartstrings twinge.
“You’re not ready,” you murmur as you pass him on the altar, finding your place opposite his best man, Topper.
Kelce smiles at you, a little nervous, a little unshed. “Will I ever be?”
You shake your head, smiling in tandem.
The wedding procession is a brilliant display of love, and you find a way to make it about your lack thereof. Seconds blur, minutes melt into each other, and your poor mind strays to when things were far simpler. The Island Club was your date night spot, once upon a time. It’s where you’d envisioned you’d get proposed to; where you would get married one day, too. Just like this.
You’re happy for them, you swear it. It’s just a difficult emotion to maintain when the opposite comes so naturally.
Rafe doesn’t arrive until the reception itself.
He wants to believe that this is entirely accidental — he’s had a long day at the office, filled with several meetings with prospective clients. He can’t though, his wretched conscience won’t let him. He chose to go to work today, chose to schedule important meetings at the same time as Kelce’s nuptials.
He thinks he knows why this is, and isn’t sure whether he can handle the why in a satin slip and strappy heels. He wants to believe that he meant everything he said to you six months prior, but the dreadful ache in his chest crescendos in mocking every time he tries this.
He’s made a mistake. He won’t admit this if it killed him. But he knows, deep down, that something isn’t right about all of this.
If he really didn’t love you anymore, if that fucking spark was missing, there shouldn’t have been anything to move on from—the ship should have already departed. But he’s struggling, hard, and his thoughts juxtapose his actions. Despite telling you that he needs to be alone for the time being, you remain unmoored in his mind, rocking back and forth but never sinking.
He’s done his fair share of fucking up over the past few months. Got into something else too quickly, tried that no contact thing and failed miserably. There’s no going back after everything that’s happened. And yet…
“Hello?” He greets you like it’s a question; like greeting you isn’t second nature anymore. Your stomach turns.
When you respond, your voice comes out jagged, pained. “Look. I get that you’re doing this ‘no contact’ thing, or whatever, but Sarah told me something pretty fucked up and I think you owe me an explanation.” Your voice is far weaker.
Rafe winces, a familiar ache pulling through his chest. “If this is about Elle —”
“It’s been a month, Rafe. You may as well have cheated.”
…that fucking hug.
After you’d confronted him about shamelessly flirting with Sarah’s friend, Elle—in front of Sarah, no less, who told you the second it happened—he’d asked to meet up in person and explain himself.
You weren’t quite sure what to make of it all, which is probably why you’d foolishly agreed to hear him out. Ward had hired Elle as an intern before his death; she’d been around a while, long enough for an affair.
It shifted bile into your throat.
And when you’d met him, the exact opposite of what you’d hoped had happened. He’d had the gall to tell you that he thinks something’s there, that he feels that bullshit spark that he swore was missing in your relationship.
What were you meant to say?
But then he’d apologised, recognised it was too soon, begged to stay friends. Friends—like a platonic relationship is in any way gift receipt redeemable. And ironically, hearing him out wasn’t even your biggest mistake, it was that wretched hug goodbye that you’d permitted you get.
It was as though that hug held everything unsaid. Your figure had moulded against his quite perfectly, and why wouldn’t it? He’s the only romantic embrace you’d known since you were a teenager.
And when you’d finally pulled away, separated the pieces of your heart that were finally greeting his again, you hadn’t realised that he’d think about that hug for weeks gone by, just like you.
All the way up until Christmas, which occurred two months after your sudden break-up.
It was the last time you saw him under the pretence of amicability, when you came by Tannyhill to drop off presents and see his family. Mostly him. It felt pathetic, even then; for all you knew, Elle was on his mind and you were somewhere insignificant.
Rafe’s pretty sure he’s fucking doomed.
Your laugh reverberates through Tannyhill like a siren song, and he’s pretty sure he’ll never not recognise the sound of it. It’s as though every bone in his body vibrates in tune to it—so unabashed, so freeing. Far more painful now than it used to be.
You’ve become so many Taylor Swift songs and none of them end happy.
He follows your sweet timbre to the hallway before he can help himself. Once upon a time—God, it feels so long ago now—he’d have been the first person you’d have texted before dropping by the house. Instead, as he stands paralysed at the foot of the stairs, it’s Sarah who’s hugging you, who gets to hold you in her arms.
Luckily for him, your eyes are closed in the embrace, and he’s afforded a second to recalibrate after taking you in. He’s known that you’re beautiful like his first memory on Earth, but that doesn’t mean your proximity leaves him any less winded. You’re fresh-faced with limbs that have an untouchable quality to them; you aren’t his to mark anymore, no longer his to ruin.
He can’t remember the last time he kissed you. He wants to remember so fucking bad. You’re slipping through his calloused fingers and fragments of you are all he has.
“You didn’t have to get us anything!” Sarah exclaims, pulling away faux-disprovingly.
“Hey, don’t do that, of course I did.” Your arms fall back to your side, and you open your eyes in tandem. When they flit past Sarah’s face and find Rafe’s instead, it feels as though someone has tipped ice-cold water down your singlet. A pause. “You’re family.”
Sarah notes the change in your tone with a frown, turning to look over her shoulder. “Oh,” she says, her expression hardening. “Sorry, Y/N/N. I didn’t know he was home.”
You swallow. “It’s no big,” you reply, forcing yourself to look back at her. “We’re alright, really. But I should go, I have a few more presents to drop off.”
Sarah frowns harder. “You sure you don’t want to stay a bit? I know Rose’d love to see you, we’ve all really missed having you around —”
“I’m sure,” you interrupt, handing her the bag of presents you’ve wrapped. “I’ll send her a text, okay? And listen,” you pause, your expression softening a little, “I know this holiday season’s going to be hard without your dad, and I want you to know that I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”
Sarah’s eyes well with tears. “It’s going to be hard without you too, Y/N,” she murmurs. “You’re my sister.”
Your features sadden in tandem, and you give her shoulder an encouraging squeeze. “And I always will be. You know that.”
“You should come to Christmas, then,” she says hopefully.
“I —” you falter as your voice cracks, grimacing slightly, “— I’m sorry. I don’t think I can.”
When you turn around, something in Rafe’s chest cracks too. He’s still hanging on to that expression-softening catalyst from a moment prior, yearning hard for the feeling of being on the receiving end of your love.
“Why the fuck,” Sarah fumes, rounding on him once you’re out of earshot, “do you have to ruin everything you touch?”
Rafe doesn’t even have it in him to wince. “I don’t know,” he responds quietly, with an honesty that aches. “If I did, maybe I’d have found a way to fix it.”
Sarah takes pause. Slight disbelief transforms her features. “You have to still love her. How can’t you?”
“I don’t know, alright?” Rafe runs his hand through his hair slovenly. “I just — I’m not happy anymore. It’s not fucking there… I don’t know if it’ll ever come back.”
“What isn’t?”
“The… the spark.”
“Bullshit,” Sarah spits out, accusatory. “The ‘spark’ is fucking bullshit, Rafe. You’re telling me you’ve felt it the entire time you’ve known her? You’re telling me this doesn’t have anything to do with dad’s death?”
Rafe swallows thickly, discomfort coating his throat. “I don’t, alright? All I know is I can’t give her what she needs right now; I don’t know if I ever will.”
To this day, he doesn’t know about your detour that evening — how instead of driving home, you took a left to the look-out where you shared your first kiss. He doesn’t know that the waves crashing ashore bore witness to your heartbreak; that sunset orange painted your tear-streaked cheeks a gentler amber. Caressed them, subdued them, where he no longer could. He doesn’t know you agonised over how much his hair had grown in your absence, the subtle stubble on his jaw, the stark outline of his biceps.
The him that’s foreign to you, now; the him that’s Elle’s and not yours.
At twenty-four years old, Rafe Cameron doesn’t know fucking anything.
Of course, once he does eventually recognise that his ‘something there’ with Elle is a rebound, it’s too late to entertain returning to you with his tail between his legs.
He can’t. Not after everything he’s put you through in the past. So he allows regret to caulk his limbs and bitterness to coat his insides, and Rafe Cameron does what he does best — pushes it down and ignores it.
Which brings him here, a non-attendee to his best friend’s wedding and an hour late to his reception.
He sidles into the venue through a pair of double doors, and the first thing he notices is the dimmed sconces and muted fairy lights. It’s the first thing, because perplexingly, the crowd is hard to discern but you glow anyway. A spotlight illuminates the centre of the room where Brooklyn and Kelce share their first dance, but they don’t draw his gaze, your beautiful features do.
Of course you do, in your strappy cowl neck slip. There’s less periwinkle fabric than he’d anticipated, more exposed limbs, and Rafe feels like he’s run a fucking marathon as he takes you in. And your pretty eyes and glossy lips cascade into a bare neck; soft skin that’s forgotten his rough touch, his bruising kisses.
It’s momentary lust that his regret promptly squashes. He can’t think those thoughts about you anymore, even if they’re almost second nature. Even if he’s spent more tangible years of his life as your boyfriend than he has a fucking stranger.
That’s what you guys are meant to be right now: strangers. His stomach coils. His tired eyes search for the open bar on instinct.
Once he’s acquired a whiskey neat and a glass of champagne, he pulls through the crowd and makes toward your figure.
You aren’t as lucky as he is to mentally prepare for a reunion. When he holds out the shimmering flute and prompts your gaze toward him, there’s a split-second of slack-jawed diffidence before you find your common sense.
God, you wish he wasn’t so easy to stare at.
He’s wearing an expression that isn’t yours anymore, with his thick brows furrowed and lips slightly parted. Yearning, but he can’t be. His blue eyes make your heart leap. Your gaze lifts before it falls, taking in his damp hair, his larger than ever frame. Both feel unfamiliar; he’s shed the skin and aureate curls your fingers once traced. Same notes of patchouli on his neck, though you note the absence of the silver chain you once bought him for Christmas.
Does he still have it, somewhere, hidden in a shoebox under his bed? (His hand is so close to your chest, it feels like you’re dying.) Is it as painful for him to see you like this after months and months of no contact?
Can’t be. Shouldn’t be. The ache may linger, agonisingly, but you’re stronger now than you were when he first ended things.
“Oh,” is all you can muster, accepting the flute of champagne. When your fingers brush, you reprimand the jolt of static. Lust may be hard to shake, but you resolve to let logic prevail. “Thanks.”
Rafe feels it too, harder, more unbearable. “Don’t mention it.”
You break eye contact to look out into the crowd, though it’s a struggle finding anything to focus on. “When’d you arrive?”
“Five minutes ago,” he admits, staring at your side profile for a second longer than he probably should. He analyses the glittery stuff on your cheekbones—highlighter?—for traces of a familiar feeling. “Work shit.”
“Ah,” you reply, raising your eyebrows at him. “Some things never change, huh?”
Rafe winces. “Look, Y/N, I —”
“I’m kidding, Rafe, relax,” you interrupt, sending him a small smile. It makes his stomach turn. “It’s all going well, I hope?”
“It is, yeah,” he responds, smiling in tandem. “Ish. Still doing a fuck tonne of late nights and weekends.”
“Bummer.” It feels strange, making small talk in this way. Strange, though not particularly as awful as you’d predicted. “How’re Rose and your sisters?”
“Yeah, they’re good,” they miss you, “Sarah’s going to UCLA in the fall.”
You nod. “She told me.”
Something in Rafe’s chest drops. He turns to you, his piercing gaze making your skin burn. “I didn’t realise you guys kept in touch.”
“We’ve always been really close. You know that.”
Because of me. “Right.” His eyes fall to your throat as you take another pull of champagne, smooth and unblemished and painfully foreign. “I’m glad.”
You turn to him then, an unreadable expression on your face. “Me too.”
A beat. The pair of you stare at each as the surroundings buzz into static.
“Listen, Rafe, I —”
“Y/N, I’ve been —”
You falter first, scrunching up your face abashedly. “Sorry. You go.”
“I…” Rafe pauses, running his calloused palm through his hair, “I guess I just want to apologise. For everything.”
Your eyes widen, and you turn away from him abruptly. “Rafe, I don’t know if now is the best time to have this conversation.”
“Shit, I know. I know I’m about five months too late and don’t deserve to be heard out.”
“Well,” you pause, chewing on your bottom lip apprehensively. Your voice quietens. “Maybe not at a wedding.”
Or ever. You tip back the rest of your champagne just as the slow dance fades out, breaking away from him. “I’ll see you around, yeah?”
Rafe fucking hopes so. He needs a clean slate if it’ll kill him. He nods reluctantly, watching you disappear into the crowd in front of him. The ache in his chest crescendos as the physical distance swallows you completely.
“We love you,” Brooklyn mouthes, blowing you a kiss through the open window. The limousine she’s in stretches forward with jet-black grandiosity, its ignition blaring alive as you catch it in mid-air.
When you blow one back, Kelce peeks over her shoulder and sends you a wink. The pair of them wave to the wedding-goers surrounding you before the vehicle pulls forward, leaving you in its dust. You watch them exit the Island Club gates, and a sense of bittersweet melancholia finds home in your chest.
That should’ve been you. You turn around as the crowd begins to disperse and find yourself face to face with Rafe once again.
“Oh,” you say, looking up at him in surprise. When your expression relaxes—in recognition—his chest pulls in tandem. “They’re sweet, huh?”
Us; that should’ve been us. Rafe nods, smiling wistfully. “Can you believe you’re the one that set them up?”
“At your holiday house,” you return, smiling in tandem. “This was a two-person wing man job.”
“Nah. You were the one that saw their potential.” A pause. “You’ve always been really good at that.”
Your brow furrows. “At setting people up?”
“At seeing their potential,” Rafe corrects. An unreadable emotion crosses his blue irises. “Even when they don’t deserve it.”
Your expression falters. You aren’t sure what to say to this, so you don’t say anything at all.
“Listen,” Rafe tries again, scratching the back of his neck, “d’you need a ride?”
“Well…”
You hesitate, looking over his shoulder for your parents. When you spot them, they’re in avid conversation with some family friends; they look extremely comfortable, like they’re going to be dawdling until God knows when.
You’re searching for justification even though he doesn’t deserve it. After all the pain he’s caused you, your wretched heart still yearns for more.
Fucking sadist.
“Actually, yeah,” you finish after a beat, bringing your gaze back to him. “That’d be great, thank you.”
His shoulders relax. “Yeah, of course. You have all your things?”
“Uh huh.”
“This way.”
You allow him to guide you to his pick-up trunk, pretend that you didn’t discern it right away. Besides, you were meant to have forgotten the location of his unofficial ‘official’ parking spot. So you follow him toward it, deny the familiarity of its number plate, and act like every dent and wretched scratch isn’t a piece of your heart.
“Shit—ow!” You curse, hurtling forward as you stall, again. “This is fucking impossible, Rafe. I quit.”
Rafe grins perplexedly, giving your shoulder a squeeze. “Baby,” he placates, “if Top can learn to drive manual, anyone can.”
You make a frustrated noise, crossing your arms over your chest. “Not me, clearly.”
Rafe lets out a laugh, unbuckling your seatbelt so he can pull you into his lap. “C’mere.”
When he does so—with entirely too much ease—he pinches your chin between his forefinger and thumb so he can guide your lips against his. It’s an unhurried kiss, a sure press of emotion, as though he’s rousing the embers that live within your ribcage.
He has this funny way of leaving you out of breath no matter how chaste the embrace. You break away reluctantly, raising your eyebrows at him. “So is this the reward system you used when you were teaching him to drive, hot-shot?”
Rafe makes a face, dipping his head to sponge a kiss to your neck. “Why? You jealous?”
“Never,” you sigh, running your fingers through his hair. “You wouldn’t dream of leaving me for someone else, Rafe Cameron. The Figure Eight wouldn’t forgive you if you did.”
“I wouldn’t forgive myself if I did.” Another teeth-scraping kiss. “I’d be crazy to let you go. I’ve been in love with you since we were freshman.”
He doesn’t open the passenger’s side door for you after unlocking his pick-up truck. That isn’t his place anymore.
He wants to, anyway. You want him to, badly. This revelation passes unsaid between the two of you as you climb into the seat yourself, unscathed by chivalry.
Once you’re buckled in, your gaze lifts to the new air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror. “Huh,” you say, flicking it absently, “you replaced it.”
He wants to say, you left me no choice. He wants to say, old spice smells like you. “Oh yeah,” he replies instead, clearing his throat. “Rose got me it.”
“It’s nice.”
“Thanks.”
He shifts into reverse and backs out of the park, and there’s a split second where he almost places his hand on your headrest. He can’t do that anymore. Too close; not close enough. You notice it too. An ache passes from his heart to yours.
“Are you going to take any time off over summer break?” You ask, keeping your gaze on the road ahead.
Rafe pulls out onto the main road before turning to you and responding, “I wasn’t planning on it, but I think I might need some.”
“I think you might need some too,” you agree, sending him a fleeting smile. “Bahamas?”
You don’t expect the tears in his eyes that follow. You straighten abruptly, your eyebrows pulling together. “Sorry, I didn’t mean —”
“No—shit, I just—” he falters as his voice cracks, clearing his throat again, “I don’t think I could go back there any time soon. Too many memories.”
Your expression softens. “Your dad, of course. I get it. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. You have nothing to be sorry about.” He takes in a jagged breath. “Shit, I’m the one that should be apologising. For everything.”
“Rafe —”
“No, listen…”
He pauses as he turns left onto your street, pulling onto the side of the road as soon as he can. He’s still a good mile away from your house, but it feels an injustice to keep you waiting for an explanation. When he turns and angles his body toward you, there’s a brokenness on his face that makes your miserable heart falter.
“I’m… I’m so sorry for everything I put you through after I broke up with you. Even if that was what I needed at the time, even if it was the right decision, I shouldn’t have been so fucking heartless and I regret not reaching out to you more often.”
You swallow thickly. He takes your silence as encouragement to keep going.
“You deserved better than the way I treated you… you’ve always deserved better than me. I didn’t know how to deal with all of my grief and I pushed you away in the process. It was… fuck, it was so selfish of me, and I’m sorry. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t hate myself for it.”
He’s taken all of the oxygen in the car, and you find yourself struggling for air. You turn to him, every drunken rationalisation manifest. “Thank you,” you whisper, “for saying that.”
“And listen, the Elle thing —”
Too much. “Rafe,” you interrupt, swallowing again. “Stop. It’s fine. I accept your apology.”
Rafe frowns, the furrow in his brow painfully evident. “Yeah? Because… because I’d understand if you didn’t.”
“Yeah,” you affirm, turning away from him. “Besides, it’s ancient history. I forgave you a long time ago in my head.”
“You did?” Rafe’s asks, searching your features in earnest. “Why?”
The champagne you’ve consumed swirls uncomfortably in your stomach. “I had to,” you say quietly. “It was the only way I was going to be able to move on from the situation.”
Rafe’s stomach drops. “Which you have.”
“Which I have.”
The smokescreen between you smothers any semblance of hope you might’ve shared. He nods, turning on the ignition once again. “I hope that means you’re happy, Y/N.”
“It does,” you reply, “I am.”
“Good.” It doesn’t feel good at all. “Maybe this means we can be friends.”
You turn to him again, raising your eyebrows. “Friends?”
“Like we were before,” he affirms, putting the car into drive. His fingers brush the bare skin of your thigh near the gearshift. A very unfriend-like jolt of static shoots into your chest. “I… I don’t know. Sometimes I think I just miss my best friend.”
Your heart sighs. “Me too.”
“Friends then.”
“Yeah,” you reply, sending him a small smile. “Friends.”
You haven’t been to Shake Shack since you broke up with Rafe. You didn’t even realise you’d evaded it so long; perhaps it was a subconscious thing, too many painful memories to bear.
You remember when it first opened up in the Banks, this egalitarian refuge nestled between the Cut and Figure Eight.
Rafe Cameron remembers too, remembers bringing you here on your very first date. Roguish at fourteen with endless charm and a handsome face, he had far less creases etched onto his forehead then; far less familial expectations to deal with.
If only you knew he’s evaded it too. When he pulls into the carpark, the aforementioned date comes forth in fragments.
When memories lie dormant so long in one’s head, they tend to lose the stitches that hold them together. Nervousness, excitement, cherry coke and a lilac singlet. The strange feeling of forever before either of you could place it. He doesn’t remember any of your conversation, nor how long the date lasted, but he remembers the cloudless sky, the flutter of new love in his stomach.
The pair of you share a look before exiting his pick-up truck. A look that says: uh oh, and insinuates far more than that.
“So how’s work going, anyway?” Rafe asks, shoving his hands into his front pockets. He’s a beat behind you head toward the entrance, and you can feel your neck burn where his eyes remained trained on you.
“Yeah, alright, same old,” you say, sending him a fleeting smile over your shoulder. His blue irises are dappled golden in sunlight, and their brilliance unsteadies you, the eye-contact like a firestarter. You clear your throat. “Sam quit.”
Rafe’s eyes widen. “You’re kidding.”
“Not kidding,” you shake your head, “he ended things with Peyton and booked a Contiki in South East Asia.”
“Shiiiiiit,” Rafe wolf whistles, shaking his head in tandem. “Is he going through some kind of quarter life crisis?”
You shrug. “Who would let someone like Peyton go, huh?”
Rafe resists the urge to wince. He can think of one person in particular who threw away something far more special. He clears his throat significantly, regret like molasses coating the sides of his windpipe. “Yeah. How’s she doing with it all?”
“Oh you know Peyton, she’s the queen of acting unbothered,” you reply, sounding reproachful. “Even when she’s heartbroken, she refuses to tell me about it.”
Rafe frowns. “Fuck that.”
“Yeah?” You send him a wayward glance, raising your eyebrows knowingly. “Cause to me, it sounds like someone else I used to know.”
There’s a pause as he meets your gaze, a frightening wistfulness passing between you. It lingers.
“Right.” You’re at the entrance to Shake Shack now, and Rafe grapples for purchase on the one thing he can control—friends. He pulls open the door and beckons you forward, “So. Is today the day you branch out and order something new, Y/N?”
When you pass by him, a tendril-like brush of shoulder on chest, the buttery scent of your vanilla perfume lingers. A lot about you does, a lot more than he’d care to admit.
Rafe’s wretched heart cycles between the old and new you like it’s trying to make them both fit within its chambers.
“Don’t think I have a choice,” you reply, sending him a smile over your shoulder. “They’ve completely revamped their menu since the last time we were here.”
Rafe raises his eyebrows at you. “They have?” You checked?
“Uh huh,” you reply, nodding. “I was going to make a reservation here for our anniversary way back when.” You clear your throat. “When I went on their website to do so, I realised that their menu was totally different.”
You leave out the part where you’d stopped by soon after, asked—no, begged—the manager to serve you the originals when you came. You know, when old time’s sake was a sacred concept. When that sweet, lovesick version of you still existed.
“Oh shit,” Rafe says. Though it’s subtle, he catches the smidge of diffidence in your voice, like the ghost of relationship’s past rearing its ugly head. You checked, for him, and you’re so nonchalant about it. Like it may have mattered then, but right now it matters far less.
He feels an awful twinge in his chest. He adds, “That sucks.” He isn’t sure whether he’s referring to the change in menu or the change in your heart’s purpose.
“I know.”
“I was looking forward to ordering the usual.”
“Me too.” You shrug. “We’re just going to have to find a new usual, I guess.”
What you mean is, make new memories that’ll replace the old ones. What you mean is, erase the nostalgia being here brings.
Also, though you’d never willingly admit it, start anew.
Rafe nods, stepping forward and glancing up at the menu. Though it’s different to the one he remembers from his youth, the interior of the diner is comfortingly familiar — same ugly yellow track lights, same checkered linoleum underfoot. Same fingerprint-smudged counter and broken drinks machine, same uniform on the workers, same greasy smell permeating.
And the same booth you were partial to nestled in one corner, it’s retro cushion covers faded as ever.
The menu, and the girl beside him. The only two things that feel different.
“Hm.” You frown, deliberating over the menu. “I’m thinking the ‘classic’. You want to split some curly fries?”
Rafe raises his eyebrows, his blue eyes full of mirth. “So the one that’s exactly your old order, minus the pickles. Got it.”
“Yes,” you decide. “Except I’ll ask them to add pickles.”
“Of course you will.” Rafe grins. “I’ll get the same.”
You gasp, faux-scandalised. “Rafe Cameron eating pickles? Now I’ve seen everything.”
Rafe raises his eyebrows. “How d’you know I’m not just ordering it to pawn ‘em off to you?”
You balk. “I don’t, I guess.”
“And yes, to the curly fries,” he adds, quick to change the subject. The bashfulness on your features dissipates, but the tension in the room weighs ever-present.
You nod, sliding your wallet out of your back-pocket. “Should we just split the bill, then?”
“No way,” Rafe says, clasping your wrist to hold it in place. Your pulse feels funny. “I got it.”
“Rafe.” You frown, shaking your head. “Look, it really isn’t a big deal —”
It is to me. “Exactly,” he interrupts. “Which is why I got it.”
Maybe you should argue some more, insist on paying until he gives in. But you don’t. Between the pulse-jolting closeness and mocking sense of nostalgia, you aren’t sure you have it in you to retaliate.
Though in an act of rebellion, you avoid your usual booth. Once you’re seated at a new table and separated by your burgers, you re-enter this stupid friendship thing you’ve adopted. The one that boasts no-strings like the red one isn’t obvious.
“So,” you say, popping a curly fry in your mouth. “You remember Maya, right?”
Rafe makes a face. “That psycho roommate you had in senior year? Yeah, pretty hard to forget.”
“Well, she hit me up a month ago to let me know she’d be in the Banks to see her boyfriend.” At his audible gasp, you nod significantly. “I know. Asked if I wanted to catch up while she was here.”
Rafe wolf whistles in amusement. “No fucking way. After the Hell she put you through?”
“I fucking know,” you reply, grimacing in disdain.
Rafe raises his eyebrows, swallowing down a handful of curly fries. “Tell me you said no.”
You raise yours in tandem. “What do you think, casanova?”
“Y/N!” He groans, shaking his head. “Why do you put yourself through this shit?”
You frown, reaching for your soda and sipping stubbornly. Condensation rolls down your palm, the soft skin shining. “C’mon! It was useful, I swear. I got the intel on Maya and her mystery OBX man.”
Rafe leans forward in interest, taking a pull of his soda too. “Go on then.”
“God, I’ve been sitting on this information for ages,” you say, your pretty eyes full of excitement. Rafe’s heart leaps. “I wanted to tell you as soon as I found out, but we weren’t talking and you were avoiding me and I didn’t know whether I should break no contact.”
It deflates just as quickly, sinking into his stomach like deadweight. “I wasn’t… I don’t know, I thought it’d be best if I kept my distance.” He sighs, sitting back and raking his fingers through his hair. “Clearly that was a mistake. I haven’t been this relaxed in fucking ages.”
You smile small. “Yeah. This is nice.”
“Nice.”
“Anyway,” you clear your throat, this sticky, molasses-like something rising from your chest, “it’s Dylan. Like Dylan fucking Young that had a crush on me in freshman year.”
“Fuck off, seriously?” Rafe replies, mirth evident on his features. “Not kidding, think it’d be grounds for a restraining order if she ever found that out.”
“That’s what I’m saying!” You exclaim, raising your eyebrows significantly. “You promise to take this to your grave, Cameron?”
Rafe nods, faux-somber, extending his pinky toward you. “He won’t hear it from me, Y/L/N.”
When your fingers entwine, you wonder whether he feels it too. It’s a jolt of static that leaves your skin warm and your insides funny, and you wonder whether the effect it has on you is endearing or pathetic.
The latter, you conclude. The red string of fate disagrees.
“Good,” you say, retrieving your hand. “Oh, and,” you take a generous bite of your burger, “did you hear that Taylor’s moving to Texas?”
“I did, actually,” Rafe replies. “From Top, funnily enough.”
You frown. “He’s still pining, huh?”
“Unfortunately.” He pulls apart his burger to pick out the green pickles, placing them onto your plate before re-assembling. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world. In the offensive, fluorescent lighting, they shine up at you in mocking. “Anyway, I should probably learn to get used to it. I’m moving into Kelce’s room now that he’s happily wed.”
Your jaw slackens in surprise. “You’re moving in with Topper?”
Rafe grins. “I know. Who would’ve thought, huh?”
“But,” you pause, popping another curly fry into your mouth, “why?”
“Needed to get out of Tannyhill, I guess.” He falters, swallowing down the bile-like rise of emotion from his chest. “Too many memories.”
Your expression softens. “That makes sense.”
“Besides, Sarah’s starting college soon, and Wheeze’s off at boarding school for the majority of the year anyway.” He shrugs. “And Rose… well, she’s at the Bahamas house more than she is in the OBX.”
“Too many memories,” you repeat, frowning sadly.
“Yeah. I guess.”
There’s silence then, the comfortable kind. An emotion passes between you that feels both familiar and new at the same time.
It matters less when you finally finish, what you speak about, whether you’ll meet again. All you know is, something feels different now, as though there’s embers that this reunion has reignited in your ribcage. Dormant though they had once been, you’d always hoped that the renewed hope would set them aflame.
The next day, you wake up to a text from Rafe.
thank you for yesterday. It was really nice.
You don’t have it in you to reply; Rafe doesn’t mind. He knows you feel the same way.
It’s a few weeks before you see him again, at a farewell party for Brooklyn and Kelce.
Prior to embarking on their honeymoon, they were shifting their lives to Chicago; laying down the foundations of stability so they could return to a clean slate.
It upsets you to no end. You’d always assumed that her marriage to Kelce would guarantee that she settles down in the Banks.
Rafe Cameron must remember this, the way he does everything else. He hands you a beer and clinks his own against it, beads of condensation sliding over his calloused hand.
“Huh,” he murmurs, shaking his head in faux-disappoint, “so much for staying here and ruling the Eight with an iron fist.”
“That’s what I’m saying!” You exclaim, taking a generous pull of beer. Rafe’s gaze falls to the bare column of your throat, and he temporarily loses his bearings. “Does loyalty mean absolutely nothing around here?”
Rafe grins appreciatively. “They’re bound to come back, you know.”
“And how can you be so sure?”
“Because,” Rafe pauses, lowering his voice conspiratorially, “we were all cursed by the hometown witch when we were babies.”
You let out a peal of laughter. “Is that why I came back here after college?”
It isn’t lost on you that Rafe is standing far closer to you than he should. His spicy, cedar-wood cologne presses over your figure in waves. He bows his head to eye level, still grinning his mirth, “It’s why we all did. It’s also why they aren’t going to last more than a year in Chicago, I’m calling it now.”
“Who isn’t going to last more than a year in Chicago?” Comes Brooklyn’s voice from behind him, pulling the pair of you from your reverie.
He breaks away and turns to find her standing behind him, her eyebrows raised accusatorially at your closeness.
You smile guiltily at her, raising your arms in surrender. “I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t deny it either!” Brooklyn reproaches, faux-scandalised. She sends Rafe a playful glare, reaching for your arm and pulling you away. “I’m rescuing her from your bad influence, Cameron.”
Rafe nods sagely, taking a sip of his beer. “I think that’s wise, Astor—” he balks, shaking his head, “—sorry, Smith. Shit, Brooklyn Smith, huh? Guess I can’t do that last name thing ‘round here anymore, can I?”
“Not with us,” she replies, turning the pair of you around. She sends you the ghost of a wink before adding, “Y/N’s fair game, though. You know she’d rather die than take a guy’s last name.”
Something in Rafe’s chest deflates. “Yeah?”
You frown at him over your shoulder, mildly bewildered. “You knew that, Cameron.”
Maybe I thought I was different. “True.” He raises his beer bottle in acknowledgement. “Besides, Y/L/N suits you too much.”
Not as much as Cameron would have, once upon a time. You nod approvingly, the twinge in your heart conveying the exact opposite. “Doesn’t it just?”
Brooklyn steers you to the kitchen under the pretence of grabbing a drink, her true intentions becoming obvious when Kelce pivots into earshot on his barstool.
“So?” She prods, rounding on you once you’ve halted. “What’s the deal?”
“Deal?” You echo, feigning confusion. “What deal?”
“Don’t do that,” she replies, narrowing her eyes accusatorially. “Are you guys seeing each other again?”
You swallow. Your gaze darts to a helpless-looking Kelce. “Why? Has he said something?”
“That’s the thing,” Kelce mutters, shaking his head thoughtfully. “He hasn’t. But he’s… different.”
You frown. “Different how?”
“I don’t know… chiller. Happier. Like he was before Ward passed away.”
“Of course he is,” Brooklyn snorts, not buying it for a second. “He’s finally being absolved of all his guilt!”
“Brooklyn…” you sigh.
“What? It’s true!” She asserts, crossing her arms across her chest. “He’s… listen, Y/N, whatever you think this is, you need to snap out of it. He’s proved time and time again that he doesn’t have the emotional capability to deal with his shit, and you’ve been made collateral too many times to forgive him this quick.”
“Quick?” Your chest feels on fire. Isn’t seven months of torture enough exoneration?
“C’mon baby, you’ve gotta cut him some slack,” Kelce assuages, gentle but firm. “He fucked up, sure, but he also lost his dad, remember?”
“Grieving or not, he shouldn’t have pushed her away.”
“Granted, but we’ll never know exactly how he was feeling —”
“We shouldn’t have to, you just don’t do that to someone you love —”
“I’m still here, you know,” you interrupt quietly, frowning. “That someone that Rafe doesn’t love.”
A pause. Its silence that’s distilled in the overhead lighting, the scene beneath it awash in dim regret.
Brooklyn’s features are softer when she breaks the silence. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just… I worry about you.”
You know she does; it isn’t her fault. She’s the one that slept over for four weeks straight post break-up, forced food down your throat and wiped away all your tears.
“Don’t apologise, Brooke, I get it,” you say, sending her a small smile. “But I’m fine, I promise. This isn’t even… this feels different.”
“Different how?”
“Like… you know that saying: ‘You’ll never find the same person twice, not even in the same person’? That’s how this feels. We haven’t fallen back into old habits.”
Brooklyn regards this for a moment, surveying your features carefully. “But you’ve been hanging out?”
“Only once,” you reply honestly. “Sent a few texts back and forth, that’s all. If… if anything were to happen, it’d be like a new relationship, not like restarting the old one. You know?”
“I do.”
Kelce smiles. “That’s… shit, that makes sense.” There’s a wistfulness to his voice. “That’s why I couldn’t figure out what it reminds me of, this different him that’s chilled and happy.”
You furrow your brow. “Hm?”
“It’s freshman year him all over again,” he explains. “You know… when the two of you got close the first time ‘round.”
“Oh.” Your heart soars. “Square one, huh?”
Kelce shrugs, sharing a meaningful look with Brooklyn. “Square one I guess.”
You’re about to respond when Rafe’s figure pulls your gaze, his crossed arms and broad shoulders blocking the kitchen entrance. He’s wearing a handsome expression and his hair is perfectly unkempt, the heady scent of his cologne juxtaposing his lack of proximity.
Sometimes, life is unfair. Your ex-boyfriend, now new friend, eliciting such un-platonic thoughts is one of those instances.
And it isn’t as though you’ve given Rafe much of a break, his blue eyes caught on your figure like a moth to a flame. You aren’t wearing a dress he recognises, which is both a delightful and agonising revelation.
Delightful, because it reveals bare expanses of skin that make his wretched hands itch in longing. Agonising, because it’s a reminder of the seven long months that he’s had to spend grappling with your absence.
Having a smile as pretty as yours is extremely unfair, all things considered. And eyes. Soft skin. He needs to stop staring before he does something stupid.
“Perfect,” he announces brusquely, “are we hosting our intervention now?”
He looks at you expectantly. You raise your eyebrows. “You know,” he adds, “the one where we beg them to stay in the Banks?”
“Hey!” Brooklyn exclaims, her green eyes full of mirth. “What d’you mean stay in the Banks? Newsflash, I’m not even from here.”
“You’re not from Chicago either, Ast-Smithy,” he returns significantly, sending her a meaningful glance. “Besides, you married into a Figure Eight family. You are very officially one of us now.”
“Not for long!” Brooklyn sings, sending you a wink.
“C’mon, Smith,” Rafe tries, turning to Kelce and feigning disappointment. “What happened to our sacred pact?”
“We were eight, Cameron.”
“And already privy to the tragedy of small-town life,” Rafe sighs faux-dramatically, nodding in agreement. “I’m bitter, alright? I thought I’d be the first one to get out of here.”
He glances over at you fleetingly as he says this. We’d be the first ones, his heart corrects in vain.
“As if,” you scoff, raising your eyebrows. “Mr Cameron fucking Development leave this place before me? No chance.”
Rafe grins roguishly, his blue eyes shining with amusement. “You’re all talk, Y/L/N. We both know it.” He sends Kelce and Brooklyn a meaningful glance. “We all are.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’re going to be here all fucking night if we keep arguing about this,” Brooklyn decides, patting Kelce’s thigh to prompt him to stand. “C’mon, baby, we should probably get back to mingling.”
“You know,” she adds, narrowing her eyes playfully. “‘Cause it’s the last time we’ll see some of these people.”
You let out a laugh, shaking your head bemusedly. Any retaliation on Rafe’s tongue fails at the timbre of it.
Once they’re out of sight, you turn to him, adopting a faux-somber look. “If we are truly doomed to a life in the Eight, will you promise me something?”
He’s still grappling with the fact that he’s a man starved of your beautiful laugh, now reborn. “Go on.”
“Should you find me yelling at Island Club employees about flower arrangements or charcuterie boards, shoot me.”
Rafe laughs, and it reverberates through your bones warmly. “And suffer alone? No way. I’ll meet you in the middle. Lobotomy?”
“No thoughts in my brain? So generous,” you tease. “Alright. It’s a deal.”
Rafe clinks his beer bottle against yours in confirmation, taking a generous pull of the bubbly liquid. “Can we trade promises?” He asks.
You take a sip in tandem, maintaining eye contact as you do so. There’s tension in the air, that familiar-new feeling manifest, and it’s no longer frightening, but rather a comforting embrace.
You marvel in it. Breaking free feels fruitless. “Yes.”
“If you make a plan to settle elsewhere, will you tell me?”
“Of course I will.” A pause. “Although, I think you’re right. I don’t think any of us are truly capable of leaving permanently.”
“If anyone is though, it’s you,” he says, so matter-of-factly, like he actually believes it. “I mean… you’re the only one who had the balls to go to a college out of state. The rest of us just accepted a cushy offer at UNC.”
“Doesn’t matter,” you dismiss. “I was back here so often I barely left.”
Rafe raises his eyebrows. “Only because you had a reason to come back.” You still do, if you’ll take me.
I still do, if you’ll take me. “True.” You frown, thinking on this for a moment. “Even so… I don’t know. Maybe it’s that hometown curse talking, but I wouldn’t want to raise my kids anywhere else in the States.”
Rafe’s gaze steadies, pulsing through you in waves. “I get that. We had a pretty sweet childhood, all things considered.”
You make a face. “Like, I don’t think I can deal with this iPad kid epidemic. Least we were sheltered from all that crap, you know?”
“Yeah,” Rafe replies, raising his eyebrows significantly. “Even if there were plenty of other things to jade us with.”
“Shit, I know,” you respond, laughing bemusedly. “See, only people from the Eight know how political beach clean ups can get.”
Rafe chuckles in tandem, taking another sip of his beer. “God, our lives are fucking ridiculous.”
You raise your bottle in agreement. A comfortable silence falls between you.
After pause, Rafe speaks up again. “You know,” he says quietly, an unnameable emotion flickering across his blue irises. “I don’t even think it’s everyone in the Eight.”
You balk. “Hm?”
“The whole, knowing each other thing,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “You’ve always understood me better than anyone else.”
Your traitorous heart leaps, and you force yourself to ignore it. Actions have always spoken louder than words, and you decide now’s as good a time as any to confront him about this.
It’s time to be brave, you decide. You say, “I find that hard to believe.”
“Why?”
“Elle.”
Rafe’s miserable heart falters, penitence like a lump in his throat. He’s been preparing for this accusation since your very first reunion, but it still doesn’t feel like enough; he’s a coward trembling at the frontlines, anyway.
“I’ve… we’ve… my therapist and I have talked about that situation at length.”
You eyes widen in surprise. “Your therapist?”
“I’ve been going to therapy, yeah,” Rafe replies, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. “For a month or so now, every week without fail.”
It isn’t lost on you that Brooklyn and Kelce’s wedding was a month ago. The rift in your ribcage widens.
“Has it been helping?” You ask.
“A bit,” Rafe admits. “Mostly just to validate what I knew all along, I guess.” At your silence, he continues, “That… shit, that I’ve got this problem where I push people away when I need them the most. The Elle thing, there’s no fucking excuse for it, none, but it became pretty obvious after you confronted me that she was just a rebound.”
“A rebound,” you echo.
“A distraction, an escape… I don’t know.” He rakes his fingers through his hair slovenly. “All I know is, I didn’t care about her, so I didn’t have to push her away. She didn’t make me talk about my dad, my grief, anything, so she was easy enough company to have around when I felt like it.”
“Oh.” You swallow. “But I did.”
“But you did,” Rafe affirms, grimacing sheepishly. “Shit, all you fucking did was care about me and all I did was push you away.”
You try to be pragmatic. “Grief makes people do shitty things.”
“It doesn’t matter. You didn’t deserve it.”
“True.” A pause. Your gaze falls over Rafe’s face in paces, his haggard expression making you soften. “Listen. I’m glad you’re going to therapy, seriously. I know that’s a pretty big step for you to take.”
For you. “Thank you,” he replies quietly. “It… I just wish I’d listened to you the first time, you know? When you’d told me to go to therapy before I’d ended things.”
Your throat feels funny. “No use living in the past.”
“You’re right,” Rafe replies. A pause. The ghost of a smile flickers over his features. “What did I ever do to deserve your forgiveness?”
You smile in tandem, a little rueful. “Maybe you were a martyr in your past life, Cameron.”
“And you’re one in this one,” Rafe responds. “You know, after I lobotomise you over flower arrangements and charcuterie boards. Does that count as a full circle moment?”
You grin. “Not when you live on the Eight. Infinity sign, baby.”
It slips out before you can stop yourself, the ghost of pet-names past pushing Rafe’s pulse to fibrillation. Your eyes widen abashedly. “Should we rejoin the party?”
Rafe nods, “Probably,” and then, when you’re just out of earshot, “I’d do something stupid if we didn’t.”
Over the next few weeks, you begin to see more and more of one another.
A few texts back and forth become more than a few virtual trysts, and every spare moment you have is dedicated to being in each other’s presence.
And it isn’t as though you’re mending old love, this feels like something else altogether. Though old memories may flit through your brain on occasion, they are boundless and free — they don’t define this connection.
You’re starting anew. Rafe realises it too.
He still remembers how it felt to tell you he loved you the first time around, fourteen years old with a bashful smile and enough hope in his heart to ache. He still remembers what you were wearing the first time he drove you around; the first time you came to UNC to visit; the shade of lipgloss you worshipped from Sephora. And you remember it all too, the feeling of being in his pick-up, of being with this roguish, freshman boy that had so much charm your insides soared.
Going through it all again feels like receiving a new lease on life. How lucky are you to love a different person in the same man?
Currently, the pair of you are sprawled out on beach towels, velvet dusk revealing the bespangled sky stretching above you. Beside you, take-out boxes and sodas lie in the sand, discarded. Every now and then, his wrist brushes yours with a jolt of static.
You’re lying closer to each other than you should, his body heat pressing over you in paces. He’s pretty sure his clothes are going to smell like your soft-toned, vanilla perfume later, and he quietly delights in this.
“I’ve been thinking,” he says finally, breaking the silence.
You smile. “Shocker.”
He nudges your shoulder with his in faux-admonishment, turning his head toward you. It lingers; he’s closer. Your pulse feels boundless. “I’ve been thinking,” he repeats. “And I’ve realised something.”
You turn your head in tandem, his proximity making you balk. “What’s that, Cameron?”
“If we hadn’t broken up in the first place, I’d probably never have gone to therapy.”
A hush falls. “True.”
“And I’d never have worked through my emotional unavailability and all the problematic shit that comes with it.” He pauses, a heavy emotion making his blue eyes somber. “We’d have stayed together, but I’d never have become the man that you deserve.”
You swallow. “Is that what you are now?” You murmur, your voice unsure. “The man I deserve?”
“I don’t think so,” he answers quietly. “Don’t think I ever will be. But… but I’m working on it, properly this time. And getting to know you again, for real, has made me realise just how worth it this is.”
It’s too much. You make to turn away but Rafe’s hand stops you, gentle but firm on your face. His thumb swipes over your warm cheek in comforting circles, and you find yourself leaning into his touch inadvertently.
Uh oh, you’re falling in love. You sigh. “It feels inevitable, huh?”
“D’you believe in soulmates, Y/N?”
Your lashes flutter shut in response. Rafe inches closer still, his hand slipping down to your jaw, and when he kisses you, old embers create a new flame within your heart. It’s chaste, unsure, a second first kiss. And yet, though it’s soft, the press of his lips is a ravaging embrace.
“Do you, Rafe?” You return, opening your eyes tentatively.
His gaze is still trained on your pretty mouth, less iris than pupil as his yearning transcends everything else. He presses his thumb on your lower lip gently. “Only if it’s you.”
“I think I am,” you murmur.
Rafe smiles. Oh no, he’s falling in love again. “I think you are too.”
I thought the plane was going down / How’d you turn it right around?
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belliesy · 10 months
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MINE. miguel o’hara x reader
✿ tags. afab reader, dubcon, exes to lovers, reader knows about miguel being spiderman, kinda guilt tripping, he not wearing his suit, porn with some plot, rough sex, degradation, blowjobs, deepthroating,face fucking, facials, squirting, full nelson, size difference, unprotected sex
✿ synopsis. miguel shows up to your apartment bruised and bloody and convinces you to help him // not proofread
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You wake up to pounding on the door.
2:06 am
‘Who the hell is here at 2 in the morning?’
You curse at yourself as you roll out of bed, rubbing your eyes and shuffling through the living room to the door. The knocking slowly stops as the person on the other side must have heard you coming, you put your eye to the peep hole and see your ex. “Miguel?” You ask through the door, “baby, please let me in.” Miguel begs through the door. You roll your eyes and notice the blood and bruises littering your exes face, shaking your head you open the door slowly. Cursing at yourself again for so easily letting him in.
You step back as Miguels large frame enters, “Well?” You interrogate, “what do you want?”
“I just need you to help me.. y’know.” Miguel responds, he looks embarrassed but you know that he doesn’t really need the help. This is just another excuse to see you.
“Fine, sit on the couch.” You sigh, “Your leaving once I’m done”. Miguel nods as you get what you need and sits on the couch.
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“There, all better” you say, crumpling the bandaid wrappers into your hand and throwing them onto the coffee table. “Thank you, baby” Miguel takes your hand and kisses the inside of it. You quickly pull it away from his lips.
“What?” Miguel asks innocently. “I’m being grateful for your help”. You roll your eyes and begin to stand up, “you can get out now”. Miguel grabs your arm, “wait, wait, I still need help with something”. Miguels eyes go to tent in his pants.
“No, Miguel, you can do that yourself, now leave.” You pull from his grab and stand up again, this time grabbing his arm and pulling him up. “Please, cariño, I know you miss me, how good I would fuck you.” Miguel steps closer to you, backing you into a wall, his knuckles drag across your face before going to your shoulder, pushing down.
You hate this and him. Hate how bad you miss him and how he fucked you, missed everything about his dick, how it felt in you, how good choking on it was like. You shame yourself on how easily your giving into everything. “Fine, this is never happening again though”. You lower yourself more to the point where your on your knees.
You unbuckle his pants and pull them and his boxers down enough to where his cock springs out. “Fuck, always looked so good on your knees for me.” Miguel grunts as your cold hand slowly starts stroking it. Your mouth goes to suck on his tip and Miguel flinches. “I could never find anyone as good as you,” he moans, “should have never let you go.”
You smirk to yourself and lower your mouth on him, moving your hand down to continue jerking him. Miguel is already moaning and whimpering for you, he feels hot in your mouth, he’s throbbing and probably almost ready to cum from the lack of sex in what feels like forever to him. You decide to tease him, your mouth comes off his dick with a pop. “Probably couldn’t cum from any other girl.” You look up innocently at him, “needed me? Missed me so much you had to come here?” you smile and watch as Miguels hips thrust into your hand. You look back at his cock and rub your thumb over the tip. “Don’t tease me, baby.” He moans throwing his head back. You begin to laugh before Miguel is grabbing your head and slamming you down on his dick.
You choke and your eyes water. You’ve missed how he fills your throat, fucking it like you were nothing. You moan and hum around it, driving him crazy and making his hips fuck your face faster.
“Don’t act like you don’t fuck yourself stupid thinking about me fucking your tight cunt, ah- you fucking, whore.” He looks down at your face, “but yeah, I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss you”. He pulls out of your mouth, still grabbing your hair and starts jerking himself off. You sit patiently and with your tongue out, waiting for him to spill all over you.
When Miguel cums he’s moaning and throwing his head back. His cum is warm and splashes your tongue and face, coating it a pretty white. He looks back down, watching you swallow what landed in your mouth. “Good girl, didn’t even need me to tell you”.
Miguel quickly pulls you up, flipping you around. He stands behind you and with no prep shoves it into your tight hole. “Mm, fuck, Miguel.. !” You cry out, “sorry, thought how wet you were would be enough.” He fakes sympathy and starts with slow lazy thrusts.
You throw your head back again as he lifts your hips, moving his arm under your knees, your legs bent. You face is hot with embarrassment as he pounds into your wide, spread legs. You feel so exposed but the angle his hips fuck into you feel so good. It already has you going stupid. “Missed this pussy so much,” Miguel grunts. You babbling too now, “I missed you so much, missed how good you fuck me, please don’t stop!” You cry, head thrown back into Miguels shoulder. “Don’t worry, princess, I’m gonna fill this pussy up”. He reassures while reaching deep inside of you.
You feel him move from hooking your legs under both arms to just one. He rubs your clit with his free arm, your screaming from how good it is. Your cunt throbs around him, making him mumble degrading comments to you. Making you grow wetter and so much closer to your climax.
Miguels thrusts stop and he buries himself into you, you feel his cum fill you up. His hand continues rubbing your clit and your soon squirting around him, squeezing him so tight. Your both moaning, overstimulated messes. Your body shakes and twitches, his cock is throbbing inside of you. He lets your legs down slowly, him still inside of you. His body is leaning on you, pushing your bodies against the wall to lean against as you catch you breathe.
Miguel wraps his hands around your waist. “So how about a date this weekend?”
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notes - .. im so tired rn so this one was kinda lazy
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radiance1 · 8 months
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The Ghost King and The Lord of Madness know each other.
After enslaving multiple of worlds they were bound to meet. Their relation is... complicated. They were very fierce enemies when they first met, then it turned into a begrudging respect for one another which then turned them into tentative allies at some point.
Then that somehow transformed into love, and they got to gather after multiple eons. Only to then break up a couple eons later, which then made them enemies for a few more eons before they turned into some form of weird friendship and comradery.
Which then made them on and off exes.
Trigon was a bit sad when his friend/ex/lover/husband/ally/enemy just disappeared from his radar, but hey there's this one woman who looks pretty fine over there trying to kill him.
So, after Pariah Dark got released from the coffin and sees a child trying to fight him for his throne, well, he very instantly adopts him after he got back in the coffin and the kid nearly won if he didn't collapse a second away from victory viz placing him back to sleep.
When Pariah and Trigon meet again, they instantly try to kill each other because that's basically their way of saying hello. Not that they did kill each other, mind you, but it's mostly just a habit at this point.
Then they both found out they had kids and, well, it kinda just escalated from there. Pariah mocked him for being defeated by his own kid(with help) multiple times, which makes him a hypocrite since he also almost defeated by his kid too, which Trigon pointed out. The Ghost King shrugged it off however, and asked if his kid was truly strong and to which Trigon gave a thumbs up too.
Then Trigon asked if his own kid was strong and Pariah nodded.
Which then ended up with both of them deciding to just, descend to earth via their own methods (ghost summoning for Pariah and Trigon's kids) and decided to wreak havoc there.
You know, as family bonding.
Raven and the Teen Titans pop up immediately to stop both Trigon and the Ghost King with the Justice league, at least, they were until a glowing ghost teenager popped up trying to stop Pariah.
(He may have played into Danny's whole 'hero' thing by offhandedly mentioning he's going to take over an earth from an alternate dimension and letting those thoughts sit there until he gets up and does something about it.)
You know. As family bonding.
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feyhunter78 · 1 month
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Semiformal Kisses and Cat Fights
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Art Cred: Kimmy_art0912 on Insta! Description: Among pulsating music, colorful lights, and a few girls who can't keep their eyes to themselves tensions rise, and your patience has finally run out. Happy Valentine's Day my loves!
The music is loud, blaring through the speakers, vibrating through the floor, multicolored lights spin, casting circles of neon colors across the walls of the bar. The smell of spilled drinks and perfume fills the air as you enter, your hand gripping Miguel’s bicep as you scan the room for Janey.
It’s been…a bit weird since your encounter in Miguel’s room a few weeks ago. At first, you were afraid you’d fucked up, that you had overstepped and ruined your friendship, but then it all kinda went back to normal. As normal as the tentative relationship between two people who almost kissed could be.
When you invited him to be your date for your sorority’s semiformal, on Valentine’s Day no less, you were so very afraid. What if he said no, what if everything you thought you saw, that you felt back in his room was all in your head? Which is why you said as friends right as he said yes. No going back then, so you—like a coward—played up the platonicness of it all, and tried to pretend like you weren’t avoiding eye contact.
Then everything got even weirder with the whole Ava thing. You swore up and down to everyone—except Mina—that you and Miguel are purely platonic, even when you gave him the cold shoulder and cried over him talking with his ex. Super embarrassing, no one but Miguel potentially believed you, and now you’re in a prison of your own making. You should’ve just grabbed him when he came to your door to apologize, should’ve kissed him when he stood in your room admiring his costume. Why didn’t you?
One of your sisters drifts by, bumping into Miguel, fluttering her eyelashes at him as she apologizes.
Right, that’s why, because you’re jealous and insecure and can’t stand to see other people flirt with him. So it’s better to just keep your distance so you don’t end up crying again.
Miguel’s bicep is solid under your grasp, so large your hand can’t even grip all of it.
The theme of the night was Great Lovers of History, which was a fancy way of saying dress like your favorite couple. It wasn’t hard to pick a costume, you, and Miguel both love the novel Dracula, even if it wasn’t as popular as the movie was. You had to bite the inside of your cheek to keep from making some undignified noise when you saw how good Miguel looked. Those stupid huge muscles bulging, his broad chest, his toned back, he somehow made the ridiculous costume look impressive, and he even wore red contacts to get that perfect vampiric look.
You of course looked hot as hell, dressed in a flowy, but scandalously low cut white dress, hair curled and bouncy. Bram Stoker had never named Dracula’s Brides, but there was one, seemingly the eldest, that he favored over the other, so you decided to claim her role for the night.
“I don’t see Janey yet, she said she was already here.” You yell over the music, throwing a smile to one of your sisters as she passes by with her date. They’re dressed like Jim and Pam from The Office, it’s cute, a bit basic, but cute.
“Maybe she’s at the bar?” Miguel suggests leaning down to hear you better as he guides you through the crowd.
You can see people’s eyes on him, drinking him in, and feel another stab of jealousy. You know he looks hot, but he’s your date, not theirs. They can keep their eyes to themselves.
Janey and her date Eddie are dressed like Elizabeth and Mr. Darcey. You spot them immediately, right at the bar where Miguel suggested they might be.
You gush over Janey’s outfit, and she gushes over yours, and for a while that’s it. It’s a nice night, you drink, have fun with your friends, dance with Miguel, try not to feel insane over the number of times you have to remind someone that Miguel is here with you, and generally have a good time.
Then someone starts crying. It’s a new member, one whose Big is currently more interested in making out with her boyfriend in one of the bar’s booths than paying attention to her Little.
The new member, Addy, has tears in her eyes and mascara running down her cheeks as you usher her towards the bathroom, promising Miguel you’ll be back as soon as someone is able to break Danika away from her boyfriend.
You dry Addy’s tears while she tells you that she’s just so overwhelmed. That she brought the guy she has a crush on with her, but he seems more interested in one of the other girls in her new member class than her.
“And then Kaley said, ‘oh we have a class together, I was just saying hi,’ but like why don’t you just say hi then leave, why is she trying to dance with him?” Addy sobs, taking the paper towels from your hands and burying her face in them.
“I don’t know, sweetheart, but I’m sure he’s just trying to be nice and that’s why he’s dancing with her.” You coo, smoothing down her hair.
“And her boobs look so much better than mine.” Addy continues, flinging herself into your arms, and hiding her face in the crook of your neck.
“What? No, no way, you look amazing! And hey, if that’s why he’s dancing with her than he’s an ass, and you deserve better.”
“She literally brought her own date, and she’s been ignoring him! Spencer is a nice guy, we had Intro to Philosophy together last semester, and he took really good notes, so he would let me borrow them when I missed something or got sick. And, and he’s like super cute, I don’t know why she wouldn’t just stay with him.”
You bite your tongue to keep from laughing. “Maybe you should go talk with Spencer then, if your date is going to be an asshole, then there’s nothing wrong with talking to someone who isn’t. You don’t even have to dance with him, just go say hi. I bet he’s feeling the same way you are.”
Addy sniffles and nods, wiping away the last of her tears. “Yeah, Spencer has a really big heart, I’m sure he’s upset.”
You give her an encouraging smile and keep your hand on her upper back, supporting her as she walks past her date, who is very clearly staring at Kaley’s boobs.
Spencer pops his head up when he sees Addy, a smile spreading across his lips. “Hey Addy, you doing okay? I um…I saw you crying, I wanted to go over, but…”
“I’m okay, how about you? We’re kinda in the same boat, aren’t we?” She says, taking the seat next to him.
He scoots over so she has more room, his head dipping down to hear her better, his body language screaming I like you; I feel safe with you. It’s adorable, you feel like Cupid, as you watch the two immediately fall into a deep discussion about emotions and the philosophy behind them.
Now that Addy was taken care of, you roll your shoulders out and stop at the bar before heading back towards the dance floor. You don’t really know how it happened but two shots later and everything you’ve been drinking the whole night is finally catching up with you.
The only thing on your mind is Miguel, how much you adore him, how handsome he looks, how every fake bitch in this room has been eyeing him like a hyena eyes a wounded gazelle. You have to find him; you can’t leave your wounded gazelle all alone in this pack of jackals.
You find him, but he’s not alone. Your sister, though not one you particularly care for, is talking to him, well, trying to at least.
Dana is dressed pretty basic, red dress, and heels. You’re not sure who she’s supposed to be, and she doesn’t look bad, but the dress is too small, it doesn’t fit her right, and the color makes her skin look washed out.
“So, who are you with?” Dana shouts over the music, clearly unable to see you as you approach from the side, basically hidden by the other dancers.
“Y/N.” Miguel answers, eyes darting back to the bathroom entrance, your drink still in his hand, his discarded somewhere.
Poor thing, he didn’t see you leave.
“She left you all alone? That’s so mean.” Dana says, giving him an overexaggerated pout.
“She went to take care of a new member.” He says, always so quick to defend you.
She trails a finger down his chest, batting her eyelashes up at him. “Still, she shouldn’t leave a handsome thing like you alone.”
Miguel goes red, taking a step back, sputtering. “I—um, thank you, but I’m here with y/n, and—”
“Yeah, but y/n’s not here now, come on, live a little.” She takes your drink from Miguel’s hand. “This yours?”
Before he can say anything, she drains it, and smiles at him.
“That uh…that wasn’t mine.” Miguel says, taking another step back as she loops her arms around his neck and tries to pull him down to her level.
“Oh, too bad, and it looks like y/n still isn’t back, obviously you’re not that important to her, so why don’t you follow me upstairs?”
“Upstairs is blocked off.” Miguel says, so sweet, so oblivious. “And I’m waiting for y/n.”
He tries to gently push Dana away, but she hangs on. “Ugh, come on, y/n is so lame, don’t you want to have fun? You can have fun with me.”
You’ve had enough, blood boiling, you tap her on the shoulder, making both her and Miguel jump.
“Dana, your date is looking for you.” You say, saccharine sweet smile on your lips, your voice dripping with honey coated venom.
She untangles herself from Miguel, who looks like you caught him with his hand in the cookie jar. “Ugh, he’s so needy. Anyways, come find me if you need me, Miguel.”
The moment she leaves, Miguel turns to you, apologies spilling from his lips like water. “Y/N, I swear nothing happened, she just came up to me, and I told her I was here with you, but she kept going, and then she wanted me to go upstairs with her, and I told her upstairs is closed, and I was waiting for you and—”
You grab him by the neck of his costume and drag him off the dance floor, past the pitiful sign that asks people to stay away from the second floor, and up the stairs. Usually, the upper floor is open to the public. It’s a more secluded seating area with its own smaller bar and thick glass walls that block out some of the sound from below, bisected by cement pillars offering a modicum of privacy.
You’re tired of this, of watching everyone else get to grab him, touch him, flirt with him, he’s yours.
It’s darker on the second level, only a few safety lights, and the multicolored strobe lights flashing up from the first floor. It’s quieter as well, you can finally hear yourself think.
You keep walking until you find the corner booth and shove Miguel into it. Not for the first time you’re glad these damn booths are so big, Miguel can sit properly, facing you, without having to scrunch up. The alcohol in your system is making you brave, and a little horny, but mostly brave. You can see its effects on Miguel as well, the flush of his cheeks, the slight glaze in his eyes.
“Dulzura, please, don’t be upset, I promise, nothing happened, I wouldn’t—I’m here with you, and I know that we’re here as—as friends, but still, I wouldn’t…I didn’t—still don’t want to dance or spend time with anyone else.”
He looks so pretty, stumbling over his words, his hair all ruffled, his tone so sweet and pleading. You want him, bad. You know you shouldn’t. You were the one who said it was platonic, just friends, but when he’s here, looking the way he does, and everyone is circling around him like vultures, you just…
Fuck it.
You straddle him, grab his face, and kiss him.
Miguel short circuits, hands frozen in midair, body tense, and then it’s like a dam opens. His hands on your hips, pulling you closer, his lips moving in synchronicity with yours, warm, plush, the taste of tequila on his tongue, or maybe it’s yours, you can’t tell anymore. You’re practically devouring him with how desperate you are to finally, finally kiss him.
“Fuck, Miguel, I—I can’t be just friends with you, I can’t do it anymore.” You admit, breath catching in your throat when Miguel grabs your ass, his big warm hands hauling you even closer. “I need more, we have to be more.”
“We can be anything, anything you want.” Miguel says breathlessly, his glasses fogging up from the heat between you.
You tug his head back by his hair and attach your lips to his neck, biting down hard, intent on leaving your mark. “Don’t want other girls thinking you’re up for grabs, you’re mine, been mine since the first day of class.”
“Yes, yes, I’m yours y/n.” He whimpers, his hands caressing your body nonsensically, as if he can’t decide where to put them.
“Such a good boy for me, Miguel, looking so handsome, always so sweet, always saying just the right thing.” You continue your onslaught until his neck looks like a crime scene.
“Kiss me, please y/n, I need—please, please, I’ve wanted this for so long, please kiss me again.” Miguel begs breathlessly, looking absolutely wrecked.
So, you do, gladly, over, and over, and over again, until he builds the courage to tangle his hands in your hair, to venture under your skirt and grip your bare thighs, as he moans and squirms beneath you.
You can’t fuck him here, it’s too public, too rushed, especially knowing what you know, there’s no way in hell you’ll let Miguel’s first time be a drunken quickie at a bar. So, you pull back, cupping his cheeks, smiling softly when he whines and tries to chase after your lips.
You press your thumb to his lips, shaking your head. “We can’t, not here.”
“Why not?” He whines, pupils blown wide with lust, chest rising and falling rapidly, his grip brushing on your thigh and hip.
“Because I like you, and I respect you, so I won’t fuck you in a bar.” You tell him, pressing a chaste kiss to his kiss swollen lips before sliding from his lap.
Miguel pouts, actually pouts at you, and you nearly give in, but you steel yourself.
“Come on sweet boy, let’s go back to the party.”
He blinks at you as if he’s coming up from underwater, slow, liquid, then he bites his lip. “I um…I’m going to need a minute.”
You glance down and heat rushes to your face.
He’s hard, and huge, like massive, and your resolve starts to waver.
“What if I just?” You sit astride his lap and ghost your fingers over his covered cock. “Give you a hand?”
Nerd!Miguel Masterlist and the "part two" here
TL: @bat-bae, @nyctophilic0vitnir, @smokeywhalee, @obi-mom-kenobi, @prowlingforfood, @penggion, @crystal-crax, @oharasfilipinawife, @generalkenobitrash, @melsimps, @chrishy973, @farrowroyale, @palesatan, @scaryplanetdestroyer, @denzmallows, @36namey, @scoobysnakz, @ihateuguys, @idkbros-world @smartyren, @deputy-videogamer, @blackrose8425
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yoongis-property · 7 months
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ATEEZ FIC RECS 
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last update: 09.06.2023
m- mature , f- fluff , a- angst , ☆- personal favorite
e2l- enemies to lovers, s2l- strangers to lovers, f2l- friends to lovers, bf2l- best friends to lovers, cf2l- childhood friends to lovers, fwb2l- friends with benefits to lovers, ex2l- exes to lovers, i2l- idiots to lovers
MASTERLIST
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PARK SEONGHWA
click here for seonghwa masterlist
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KIM HONGJOONG
⇢ A LITTLE SOMETHIMG MORE by @flurrys-creativity (established realtionship!au, a, m)
❝ Why didn’t you pick up your damn phone?” Hongjoong hissed, on the verge of exploding, “I called three times already.”.. ❞
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⇢ MARIGOLD by @yoongiseesawmp3 (frat boy!hj, bf2l, f, m, light a)
❝ annoying frat boy!hongjoong. your best friend and the bane of your existence is probably the love of your life, and you’re not sure how to tell him. your mutual friend seonghwa knows about your true feelings for hongjoong, and he does everything in his power to get you two together. one halloween party, one rainy car ride and one emotional rollercoaster later, you finally get a taste of what you’ve been waiting so long for. ❞
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⇢ PIRATE KING by @cybrsan (pirate!au, m)
❝ You are playing a dangerous game with an even more dangerous man, and you don’t know how much longer it can go on before everything falls apart around you. ❞
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⇢ TELL ME TO STOP by @tenelkadjowrites (bf2l, m, ☆)
❝ Having been best friends with Hongjoong since childhood, you thought a camping trip might help breach the growing distance between the two of you. However, when a storm sweeps Hongjoong’s tent away, you find yourself in rather cramped quarters with him when he has to share your tent. ❞
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⇢ THE BEST FRIENDS CODE by @tenelkadjowrites (m, bf2l) feat. hwa
❝ Hongjoong swears up and down that if you don’t touch each other, it won’t ruin the friendship...and what is the harm in blowing off some steam? ❞
seonghwa is in part 2 and part 3
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⇢ THIS WORLD by @hongism​ (dystopian!au, m)
​ ❝ What he’s given you is essentially one chance and night. Nothing more and nothing less. ❞
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⇢ TOUCH ME NOW by @slut4hwa​ (m)
❝ it wasn’t on purpose of course. the topic was already there so it kind of just slipped out.“yeah i’ve always wanted to know how squirting feels-” you blurted it out. fuck. ❞
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⇢ WHAT HAPPENS IN A BLACKOUT by @tenelkadjowrites (kinda e2l, m)
❝ Stuck in an elevator with Hongjoong, the person you hate the most, you aren’t ready for when things take an unexpected turn. ❞
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YOURE HONGJOONGS BIAS by @jnginlov​ (idol!au, f)
❝ when you and your group go on idol radio to promote your latest comeback, you don’t anticipate one of the hosts to be completely enraptured by you ❞
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JEONG YUNHO
⇢ KILLING ME by @yoongiseesawmp3 (frat boy!yh, m, a) 
❝ after last year, yunho swore he would never live in a frat house ever again. that doesn’t mean he’s leaving the frat, though, so he moves into an apartment just down the street. and you? well you need somewhere cheap and walkable to campus, and yunho is leasing a room. so that’s how you end up living with the human embodiment of sunshine and puppies, but the more time you spend with yunho the more you realize he may have a darker side lurking beneath the surface. ❞
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⇢ LIKE A DREAM by @cheollipop (established relationship, m, f) feat. mingi
❝ with only the orange hues of the lamp illuminating the room, they have you for the first time, and it feels just like a dream. ❞
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⇢ OUT OF THE WOODS by @sluttywoozi (vacation!au, one bed trope, f2l, f, light m, ☆)
❝ You’ve been driving Yunho nuts lately and he just can’t figure out why. He hates being annoyed with his friends, so he’s been avoiding you. It’s difficult to stay away when you’re locked together in a cabin with seven of your closest friends, though. ❞
pt. 2
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⇢ SUMMER NIGHTS by @honeyhotteoks (roommate!au, bf2l, m, f)
❝ he's your best friend and roommate, but during the heat of summer and the confinement of quarantine, you just can't seem to help yourselves. ❞
pt. 2
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⇢ THE DRILL by @byuntrash101​ (m)
❝ yunho cant seem to pick up anyone at the club. for two main reasons, two problems if you will. the first one: his rizz level is negative and the second one... well it's bigger. much, much bigger. a huge problem wooyoung has named "the drill" ❞
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⇢ THIS NIGHT TOGETHER by @honeyhotteoks (werewolf!au, m, f, a) feat. mingi
❝ you’re finally getting your dream job, working with some of the best dancers in the business, but a job change means a break in your healthcare coverage and suppressants these days are expensive. going into heat at the studio pretty much seems like the worst case scenario, but you find yourself in the care of two alphas who won’t let you go through it alone. ❞
unfinished!
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⇢ TUTOR BOY by @cas-skz (m)
❝ After begging your tutor to help you with your last assignment, he agrees to help in return for a favor. He proves that even the most innocent looking people, aren’t so innocent. ❞
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⇢ TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE by @songmingisthighs (f2l, m) feat. mingi
❝ Mingi’s sweater felt comfortable on you, it was warm and it smelled like him. Not just his perfume, but his own scent.. ❞
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⇢ YOUR FAN, YUNHO by @hwaightme (game developer!reader, f)
❝ a bulletpoint-style wordstream of what it would be like if yunho was stanning you. ❞
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KANG YEOSANG
⇢ FREAKS by @mingigoo (bf2l, m, a)
❝ after being friends for ten years, your triad friendship with Yeosang and Wooyoung is falling apart, all because of a simple game—spin the bottle. ❞
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⇢ I´M IN LOVE by @anyamaris (m)
❝ You wake in a dream to be met with a dream inside a dream. ❞
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⇢ OBSESSIVE by @mingigoo (e2l, fwb!au, college!au, m, f, light a)
❝ You tried to pay no mind to your brother’s friends and their flirty antics, but it always confused you when only one of them seemed disinterested in you. Even though you’d never admit it, he intrigued you—to the point where when you kissed drunkenly at party, you wanted more. And you were going to get it. ❞
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CHOI SAN
⇢ FIRST THINGS FIRST by @sluttywoozi (college!au, f2l, m, f)
❝ San had hoped you were coming to the party tonight but he never expected it to end like this. ❞
pt. 2
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⇢ HEARTWORM by @atinyidea (college!au, f2l, f, light a, light m)
❝ n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smouldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire. ❞
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⇢ HEISTS AND CELEBRATIONS by @cheollipop (criminal!au, m) feat. woo
❝ with the stolen necklace secured around your neck, wooyoung slumped back in his seat, fingers gripping the steering wheel while his eyes remained focused on the overhead mirror, watching his two partners celebrate another successful heist in the back of his van. ❞
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⇢ IN THE QUIET SPACES by @honeyhotteoks (established realtionship!au, f, m)
❝ a quiet morning snowed in at the cabin with san ❞
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⇢ IT'S SWEATPANTS SEASON, OH MY! by @thisthatpinkvenom​ (jock!san, established relationship!au, college!au, f, m)
❝ autumn has arrived; the season of pumpkin spice lattes, corn and—unfortunately for you—grey sweatpants. those pesky little things have attached themselves to your boyfriend's legs like glue, and you're having a hard time keeping your mind out of the gutter. ❞
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⇢ LET`S FUCK by @ughsimpp (m)
❝ hearing your close girlfriends talk about how their mans made them orgasm is an interesting topic but you couldn't really relate with them. in your past relationships (like 2), none of your ex's could ever make you reach that high. you kept quiet and listened as your friends continued to talk. ❞
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⇢ MILKY WAY by @ad0rechuu (sm!au, idol!reader, f, a) feat. hwa & mingi
❝ It’s not everyday that your friends childhood friend turns out to be the girl that you literally have a fan account for, but for Seonghwa, San and Mingi it’s become a reality. being able to get close to your bias is great! even if she does have a raging crush on someone else… ❞
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⇢ ODD EYE by @luvteez​ (sm!au, soulmate!au, college!au, f, a)
❝ when the public finds out that rookie idol choi san has a soulmate, he’s forced to retire from the entertainment industry and stays low as a full time university student and part time barista. never does he intend on finding his soulmate, but fate seems to have other plans for him. enter: you. ❞
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⇢ OH HE´S GOOD by @yoongiseesawmp3 (m, f, ☆)
❝ san, a non-believer, has one of the best voices in the church choir, and maybe one of the best voices in the world. fresh off a break up, you’re not looking for anything serious, and he isn’t either... but someone definitely falls faster and harder than they should. ❞
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⇢ ONE MORE REP by @cheollipop (personal trainers!au, f2l, m) feat. woo
❝ san got a little too excited watching you exercise in purple – his favourite colour – and wooyoung was nothing if not a tease. turning their attention back to you, they didn't expect to see you equally worked-up. ❞
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⇢ PARTY OF THREE by @cybrsan (established realtionship!au, m) feat. woo
❝ Things take an unexpected turn when Wooyoung walks in on you and San. ❞
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⇢ POP QUIZ by @yoongiseesawmp3 (college!au, f)
❝ who knew being late to class one day would lead to you kissing the cute ta a few days later? not you. but who’s complaining? also not you. ❞
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SONG MINGI
⇢ AFTER LIKE by @sluttywoozi​ (plug!mg, light a, m, f)
❝ Mingi has been your plug for nearly three years now. You've always liked him well enough, but something has changed between you. What happens after like? ❞
part 2
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⇢ ALL IN by @tenelkadjowrites (bf2l, m, ☆)
❝ A night of drunken debauchery with your best friend in Las Vegas leads to something you never could imagine. ❞
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⇢ DITTO by @sluttywoozi (f2l, f, m)
❝ You've liked Mingi for a while now, but every time you try to hang out one on one, it turns into a group thing. Will you be able to act normal now that you've finally gotten him alone? ❞
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⇢ DREAMER by @mingigoo (college!au, bf2l, m, f)
❝ you couldn’t live without your best friend, Mingi. You did everything together, and whenever you needed a shoulder to lean on, he was there. But when something suddenly changes how you see him, you’re not so sure you can stay friends. You wanted more. ❞
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⇢ LIKE A DREAM by @cheollipop (established relationship, m, f) feat. yunho
❝ with only the orange hues of the lamp illuminating the room, they have you for the first time, and it feels just like a dream. ❞
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⇢ MILKY WAY by @ad0rechuu (sm!au, idol!reader, f, a) feat. san & hwa
❝ It’s not everyday that your friends childhood friend turns out to be the girl that you literally have a fan account for, but for Seonghwa, San and Mingi it’s become a reality. being able to get close to your bias is great! even if she does have a raging crush on someone else… ❞
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⇢ MIND OVER MATTER by @mingisaddctn (bf2l, m)
❝ the two things you can be sure in life is that 1. you will die and 2. you've never wanted to suck a dick so bad. ❞
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⇢ ONCE by @tenelkadjowrites (roommate!au, m)
❝ After accidentally sending a naked photo of yourself to your roommate Mingi, things take a turn. ❞
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⇢ ONE QUESTION by @tenelkadjowrites (best friends!au, m) feat. hwa
❝ I was wondering how long it was into the friendship before the two of you realized that you want to sleep together?” ❞
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⇢ SHY CAPTAIN by @rosy-wooyoung (basketball captain!mg, college!au, f, ☆)
❝ “Are those credits really unavoidable?” you asked your friend as you counted the number of credits you earned for the past two years. “Yeah,” she answered and you huffed. “If you don’t take part in any extracurricular activities, you won’t get enough credits to pass the year. It’s written in the rules.” ❞
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⇢ SLOWLY, I´M GOING DOWN by @yutasbellybuttonpiercing​ (college!au, m)
❝ mingi hates studying, but what he hates way more than that is being perceived as stupid. what mingi loves on the other hand, are pretty people getting flustered about his voice.
or mingi shows you exactly what he hates and loves. ❞
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⇢ THIS NIGHT TOGETHER by @honeyhotteoks (werewolf!au, m, f, a) feat. yunho
❝ you’re finally getting your dream job, working with some of the best dancers in the business, but a job change means a break in your healthcare coverage and suppressants these days are expensive. going into heat at the studio pretty much seems like the worst case scenario, but you find yourself in the care of two alphas who won’t let you go through it alone. ❞
unfinished!
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⇢ TWO IS BETTER THAN ONE by @songmingisthighs (f2l, m) feat. yunho
❝ Mingi’s sweater felt comfortable on you, it was warm and it smelled like him. Not just his perfume, but his own scent.. ❞
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⇢ USE IT by @a-soft-hornytiny​ (m)
❝ Mingi has a huge dick but is shy about it and has no idea what to do with it. ❞
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⇢ WE FELL IN LOVE IN AUGUST by @mingigoo (best friends brother!au, m, f)
❝ Believing that you were destined to be with your best friend seonghwa all your life, his little brother Mingi was never a thought in your mind. After reuniting with the brothers after years of being abroad, you had your mind set to get together with seonghwa—until Mingi stole your heart without warning. ❞
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JUNG WOOYOUNG
⇢ GENTLE by @cheollipop (hybrid!au, m, f) feat. hwa
❝ desperate and whiny, your heat pheromones triggered wooyoung's feral instincts, forcing seonghwa to step in and teach him how to treat you properly. ❞
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⇢ HEISTS AND CELEBRATIONS by @cheollipop (criminal!au, m) feat. san
❝ with the stolen necklace secured around your neck, wooyoung slumped back in his seat, fingers gripping the steering wheel while his eyes remained focused on the overhead mirror, watching his two partners celebrate another successful heist in the back of his van. ❞
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⇢ MADE FOR THIS by @yoongiseesawmp3 (f2l, f, m, ☆)
❝ you’re volunteering for this year’s vacation bible school, and wooyoung’s little brother just so happens to be in your group. is it wrong of him to use kyungmin as his wing man? eh, who cares. wooyoung is just determined to get you to fall for him before the week is over, and he’ll do whatever it takes. ❞
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⇢ MIDNIGHT KISSES by @mingigoo (bf2l, single parent!reader, m, f, light a, ☆)
❝ you weren’t sure how well you could raise your daughter as a single mother, but your best friend, Wooyoung, has been there every step of the way with no strings attached. When you decide that it’s time to try and date again, he realizes too late that his love for you doesn’t just stop at friendship. ❞
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⇢ ONE MORE REP by @cheollipop (personal trainers!au, f2l, m) feat. san
❝ san got a little too excited watching you exercise in purple – his favourite colour – and wooyoung was nothing if not a tease. turning their attention back to you, they didn't expect to see you equally worked-up. ❞
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⇢ TRY ME by @tenelkadjowrites (coworker!au, m, f, light a)
❝ Having to work with Wooyoung while your marriage is crumbling is frustrating. He’s a cocky brat and barely completes what he needs to. But when you find out your husband cheated on you, Wooyoung proves his worth in another way. ❞
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⇢ PARTY OF THREE by @cybrsan (established realtionship!au, m) feat. san
❝ Things take an unexpected turn when Wooyoung walks in on you and San. ❞
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⇢ PILLOW TALK by @jungkxook (fwb!au, m, f)
❝ so maybe asking your best friend to take your virginity is wrong for a number of reasons, but you swear you’re still just friends. nothing more, nor less ❞
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⇢ SMILE FOR THE CAMERA by @yoongiseesawmp3 (youtuber!woo, brothers best friend!au, f)
❝ wooyoung is best friends with your brother, yeosang, so you get to see him a lot. that would be fine if you weren’t totally head over heels in love with him. now yeosang is onto you and you have to keep him from running his big mouth to wooyoung about your big fat crush. ❞
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CHOI JONGHO
⇢ GET CLOSE TO ME by @honeyhotteoks (kinds e2l, m)
❝ you’re pretty sure he hates you. and you know you hate him, until a night out turns upside down. ❞
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⇢ ...RAMEN BEFORE YOU GO by @mingigoo​ (neighbor!au, m, f)
❝ you thought things couldn’t get worse after finding a cat in the dumpster behind the liquor store, but now here you were, alone in your new apartment, staring at that damn cat that somehow got stuck behind the washing machine. You needed some strong hands….but the minute you met him, you didn’t want him to leave. Do you want some ramen before you go? ❞
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⇢ PATIENCE by @sxcret-garden (established relationship, m)
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OT8
⇢ HOTEL CALIFORNIA by @mint-yooxgi​ (yandere!au, a, m , f)
❝ You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave ❞
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644 notes · View notes
chxrrysangel · 27 days
Text
Drinking Games
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Pairing| Eddie Munson x reader
Warnings | friends to lovers, fluff, mentions of alcohol/drunkeness, love confessions, it’s really cute ok
Author’s note | this is the first thing I’ve published in like 5 months so…gentle please. Also this 100% came to me in a maladaptive daydream…lmao
Sitting around the circle, your body buzzed with excitement and the mixed drinks you had tonight. Robin sat not more than three feet away, acting as the self-appointed dealer. The game of the night had long been forgotten by name, but the rules were rather simple: answer the question or drink. One could hardly mess up something so simple but your friends were always eager to conquer the impossible.
Secrets and juicy tidbits were revealed throughout the night, each of your friends making the hard choices to spill their guts—not that you minded. Eventually, your turn game around again and Robin’s eyes glistened with intrigue. Anxiety lodged itself in your throat, fearful of what horror lies on the card in her hand. She always had this look when up to something, her lips curling up into a frighteningly devious smirk like she knew something you didn’t. She turned towards you, your name dripping off her tongue with a noticeable air of mischief.
“Would you consider the person across from you in the circle to be attractive?” Your heartbeat sounded noisily in your ears, a cold sweat finding its way onto your hot skin. You had no reason to question who was across from you, already knowing the answer.
Eddie.
Edward Munson, your friend—dare you say best friend— who stole your heart the second you met. The two of you became fast friends, quickly falling into an agreeable routine at school. Once graduated, you stayed just as close if not closer. The chemistry between you was undeniable, but you were always “just friends.” Even when you started a little too long at him from across the room or burned with jealousy when he flirted with people at the local bar, he was just your friend. And it killed you.
Tentatively, you lifted your gaze from off the rugged carpet towards the metalhead across from you. Eddie looked at you innocently, not wanting to push you to answer. He was so kind that it was unnerving, how could you not like him? For years, he carried this reputation of a mean rugged guy who’d pulverize anyone who made eye contact. But, he truly was the exact opposite. Eddie could hardly hurt a fly, actually running in the opposite directions of them. The next few seconds were spent deliberating over your response to the challenge.
Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to say it?
“Yes.” Eddie’s gaze locked with yours as you spoke, his expression nearly unreadable if it weren’t for the hint of surprise in his doe eyes. Robin was satisfied with your answer, choosing to move on to the next person.
At some point during the game, Steve tapped out, choosing to play dealer with Robin. Everything was going smoothly, almost too smoothly. You had opted for water about 20 mins ago, sobering up a little bit. When the circle moved onto Eddie again, Steve picked up a card this time. The ex-jock couldn’t even pretend to hide his smile at the words, excitement clear on his features.
“Eddie, is there any person in this circle that you’d consider kissing.”
You didn’t mean to do it, but the hopeful high schooler buried deep in you couldn’t help but look at him in this moment. His chocolate brown eyes flicked across each person in the circle before landing on you, locking eyes comfortably. His gaze held for just a few beats, almost unclockable to an outsider.
“Yes.” Just as quickly as his gaze landed on you, it moved back over to Steve for approval. The boy leaned in, some other plan brewing in his mind.
“Follow up question. Will you disclose who they are?”
Again Eddie's eyes met yours for a few seconds longer than normal, unwavering in his decision. In any other headspace, you'd be inclined to brush it off and make excuses. But in this moment, your usual instincts felt almost elementary.
“I don't think I have to.”
The rest of the game passed on normally, your mind just barely present enough to answer the questions or take a shot during your turn. Eddie barely spared another glance in your direction, at least that you noticed.
~~~~~
You said your goodbyes to everyone, planning your thankfully short walk back to your place. Safety keychain in hand, you snuggled into your coat and headed out. Between the crunching of your sneakers on the gravel walkway and the howling wind, you could hardly make out the sound of someone shouting a bit ways behind you. You would’ve ignored it altogether if it weren’t for the yelling getting louder, testifying that it wasn’t in your imagination.
A certain curly-haired metalhead made his way towards you, smile bright in the otherwise barely lit street. Even drunk out of his mind, Eddie was gorgeous -- something you almost hated about him. He didn't even try to be hot, he just was.
“Hey. Mind if I -um, walk with you? We live close together anyways.” Not trusting yourself to speak, you moved over on the sidewalk to allot space. The walk home was largely silent, much too in your own head to say much. Eddie made no attempt to stir conversation, which you were grateful for. His usually chatty self was nowhere to be found.
As soon as the sight of your apartment building came into view, you thanked heaven and earth for saving you from this anxiety. You could pretend the night didn’t happen and move on with your life.
“Hey, sweets I’ve uh got a question.” Eddie cleared his throat, which did very little to hide the nerves in his tone. Hesitant, you chewed on your lip for a moment. Eddie’s gaze flickered down to your mouth for a moment, before quickly shooting back up to your eyes.
“Shoot.” The metalhead averted his gaze, something rather atypical for such an extroverted guy. His voice got quiet as well, like he didn’t trust himself to speak. It was endearing.
“Did you mean what you said tonight? About…finding me attractive?” His voice was hopeful, at least that’s what’s it sounded like. But you had to have imagined that.
“Yeah… I did. I have eyes Eddie. We may be friends, but I know handsome when I see it Eds.” Your voice was hesitant, but more honest than you've ever been.
The barely audible comment of “yeah friends.” could be heard from his lips, like he was whispering it to himself. It dawned upon you that the two of you were crossing the line in this moment.
“Eddie, I also have a question.” You had to be brave in this moment, knowing you might never get another chance again for this kind of honesty. His head perked up, curls bouncing and falling into the mess you loved so much around his features. With his full attention, it was now your turn to be nervous.
“Did you mean what you said tonight?” Even in the dimness of the overhead streetlight, Eddie’s entire face burned red with embarrassment. He chuckled in disbelief, shifting his weight with each foot.
“Full disclosure, I was kind of hoping you forgot about that…I was so bold and I don’t know why. But uh yeah I did mean it.” His head dropped into his hands, filled with embarrassment and shame.
With the last few words, something shifted in that moment. Eddie was no longer your goofy, lovable best friend that you secretly pined over. He wasn’t the guy who Robin and Steve damn near had to kill somebody to get you to admit that you liked. He was just a guy, one who admitted not even 2 hours ago that he’d kiss you if given the chance. And he knew that.
With one brave step towards one another, you could feel the heat radiating off his body. Maybe it was the alcohol or just his proximity, but your head felt light.
“Eddie,” you whisper.
“Yeah?” His lips ghost over yours, brushing in a way that makes you feel pathetically needy.
“Can we make good on that wish?”
He hums in response, cradling your face in his hands as he gently presses his lips to yours. He doesn’t rush, savoring the taste of you as if he’d forget. You quickly find harmony in your movements, both hungry with desire but desperate to make the moment last as long as possible. He whimpers in your mouth, needing more than one could give on a public street.
It’s only when your lungs begin to burn with lack of oxygen that you break away. You make no move to back away, encased on his arms like two puzzle pieces fitting together.
“So…”
Your awkwardness breaks the silence, the two of you making eye contact before falling into a much needed laughter fit.
“We’re gonna have to talk about this tomorrow, for sure. Perhaps over breakfast?.” His beloved goofy smile is on display, the signature one you couldn’t make to say no to.
“Are you asking me out on a date Munson?”
“Not yet. But soon. Definitely soon.”
You say goodnight, making headway towards your apartment door before you’re suddenly pulled back. Sandalwood and vanilla engulf your senses, Eddie stopping you from going to sleep. Without warning, he places his hand on the side of your neck and kisses you once more. This one was rather short, but equally sweet.
“Just wanted one for the road.” He winks, bowing like an idiot before walking into the night towards his own place. You smile to yourself as you walk the building’s empty hallways—giddy, lovesick, and still a bit drunk.
244 notes · View notes
jessmaybank · 9 months
Text
Cardigan - Part one; hand under my sweatshirt
Based on the song Cardigan by Taylor Swift
Series Masterlist
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Paring(s): Rafe Cameron x Fem! Reader.
Word count: 5.2k
Summary: in which coming back from college and seeing him again, ruins everything.
Warnings: swearing, mentions of drugs & violence, cheating, SMUT (a little), mentions & implications of public sexual acts, nipple play.
AN: lots of mutual pining, angst, jealousy and everything in between. Ex’s to lovers again. Flashbacks are in italics!
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When you are young, they assume you know nothing
But I knew you
The day she had been dreading had finally come. Ever since she left for college, ever since she abandoned the life that was once all she knew, she wondered how it would feel coming back to outer banks. Coming back to the place where it all started.
She left for college about a year ago, eager to escape the harrowing memories of her past, and the people she lost along the way. That’s what she told her family anyway, that she needed a fresh start. That she needed to get away from all the familiar faces who chewed up her kindness and spat it straight back out, again and again, without a second thought. but in reality, the only person she was running away from was her ex boyfriend Rafe.
Her mind had been permanently plagued with memory’s of him since she left, tainted by the deep-seated pain of her first love, and as much as she would love to avoid him forever, summer in obx was something she didn't want to miss, and she missed her family. So, inevitably, she sucked it up and got a flight home.
She wished the memory of him would dissipate into the evening breeze as she sat in her mothers car, watching the horizon pass her by just as quickly as it came as they drove home from the airport. The radio played quietly in the background as she gazed into the golden skyline through the window, and the closer she got to figure eight, the more the memories started flooding back, like a whirlwind reminder of what could have been.
“3, 2, 1, go!” Topper shouts from his seat on the camping chair next to her, the light crackling of the fire filling her ears as the flames devoured the wood that they had gathered.
The beach was littered with drunk teenagers, and numerous crowds of tents to house everyone for the weekend, as part of the annual camping trip which graced the Outer Banks beach every year, to mark the start of summer. This tradition also just happened to be her favourite.
Topper opens his beer as quickly as possible, wasting no time in tipping the liquid down his throat, gulping it down swiftly. Everyone else followed suit in chugging down the beverage, and her eyes screwed shut as she got about half way, the questionable taste making her regret the decision to partake in these games.
As always, Kelce finishes his drink first, scrunching his can in his hands and chucking it into the fire, the smile on his face an indication that he’s clearly impressed with himself. She envied his drinking skills as she gave up, retracting her lips from the can when only about a quarter was left, her face scrunching up as she swallows the last of the liquid in her mouth.
“Has beer always tasted this bad?” She says, not sure if she’s asking herself or her friends around her.
“If your a pussy Y/N, just say that” a male voice taunts, and she didn’t have to turn her head to know who it was.
Rafe made his way towards the group, a backwards baseball cap sitting on his head rather lazily, as the sound of his footsteps trudging in the sand got louder and louder.
She was thankful she was wearing sunglasses as she took in his shirtless state, her jaw threatening to drop as she gawks at her boyfriends washboard abs, the defined muscles practically staring back at her.
He halted his movements as he stood right next to topper, just in time to watch her stick her middle finger up at him, a fake glare hidden behind her sunglasses. The corners of his lips turned upwards into a devious smirk, the sun painting his face in a golden hue, and she had to poke her tongue into the inside of her cheek to stop herself from smiling at him.
“I thought you couldn’t come until later?” She says, reaching to get another beer from the cooler, the condensation from the can running down her fingers, before she extends her arm to pass it to him.
“I’m good at sweet talking” he says smugly, sending her a subtle wink that only she noticed, before taking the beer out of her hand, their fingers touching briefly. She rolled her eyes, even though he couldn’t see it, but it wouldn’t of mattered anyway. All he was concentrating on was the small grin that graced her features, her sweetness practically radiating off her. Rafe couldn’t believe someone as sweet as her would want to be with someone like him.
He thanked her for the beer with a quick peck on the lips, ignoring the gagging noises from Topper at their affections. She had been with Rafe for a while now, and although they had got used to the teasing from their friends, she wondered how much longer they would keep up the act for.
“Debatable. I bet you just didn’t wanna help set up the tents, so you lied about being busy” Topper says, used to his best friends lazy tactics.
“You think so low of me, Top” he says, a cheesy grin on his face as he adjusts his hat, before opening his can. He takes a swig, relishing in the cool liquid which contrasted heavily to the beaming sun which reflected down on them.
“Right, I’m going for a swim before the beach gets too crowded” she says, standing up from her chair and finishing the rest of her beer. She took off her rings that previously decorated her fingers before lifting her shirt over her head, blissfully unaware of the stunned expression on her friend’s faces as they admired her body.
Rafe, on the other hand, was all too aware. His clenched jaw was hard to miss as he slapped Toppers chest, sending both him and Kelce a glare.
“Wait for me” Rafe shouts as he watches her begin to walk down to the shore, almost loosing his balance as he observes her hips swaying from side to side. God, he could get used to that.
“Wait for me” Topper and kelce say at the same time, the mocking tone in their voices evident as they both laugh. And if they weren’t making fun of him, Rafe would of been impressed at how unionised they were. Rafe held his middle finger up, trying his best to maintain a serious look when Topper raised his arms up in surrender, a small smirk painted on his face.
The water was cool when she got in, her muscles relaxing almost immediately. She sighed as she fully submerged herself into the water, swimming deeper into the sea, but her relaxed aura disintegrated when she felt something wrap around her foot. She screamed as she turned around, her fearful expression contorting into a glare as she realised it was just Rafe, clearly trying to fuck with her.
“you make it too easy for me, baby” he laughs, pulling her body towards him, in awe of the freckles which danced along her cheeks, and all the way along her nose. But as her chest was pressed flush against his, she realised just how exhausted he looked, the bags under his eyes making her cringe a little.
“Are you okay?” She asks, concern laced in her voice as she runs a thumb along his slightly sunburnt cheek, just below his eyes.
She knew his dad had been putting him under a lot of pressure recently, and it pained her to see him like this, all tired and deflated. Even though he did his best to hide it from her, she could always tell.
He nodded, melting into her touch as he tilts his head, relishing in the gentle feel of her skin. His eyes shut for just a second as he snakes his arms around her waist, and it was moments like this she realised just how different he acted around her, compared to everyone else. And as much as she wished he wouldn’t put on a front all the time, she was grateful he let her see the real Rafe.
“Nothing I can’t handle baby. I just needed to see you” he says, and she couldn’t help but smile at her boyfriends sweet words, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.
“I can’t believe Topper and Kelce are going to be cock blocking me all weekend” he says, and she rolled her eyes at his vulgar statement, his sweetness evidently short lived.
“Like that’s ever stopped us before” she says, a tight-lipped smile on her face as she tries to hide her smirk.
Rafe had a shit-eating grin on his face as he recalled their past public escapades, reminiscing about the numerous times they indulged in public, even when their friends were too close for comfort. He just couldn’t help it sometimes, and neither could she.
She giggled as he grabbed her thighs, giving them a gentle squeeze before wrapping her legs around his waist. The gentle waves crashing around them drowned out her gasp as she felt his cock press against her clothed pussy, already starting to harden underneath her.
“Well, in that case…” he trails off, his smile never wavering as he takes a quick look around, making sure no one was too close before he tightens his grip on her waist, dipping his head to claim her lips in a harsh kiss.
And as she tangled her fingers into his hair, making him hum into her mouth almost immediately, she knew she wouldn’t be able to resist him.
“Have you thought about the summer camping trip yet sweetie? Seemed like you really enjoyed it last year” Her mother asks, ripping her gaze away from the road ahead, and it was moments like this where she had to question if her mother could read her mind.
She turned her head to meet her mothers gaze, scanning her features as if to look for signs that she was in fact a mind reader. She noticed that she had a certain look in her eyes that she couldn’t quite place, but whatever it was, was tinged with concern.
“Im not sure, i'll think about it” she says, fidgeting with one of the threads on her jumper sleeve, one of the many tells of her anxiety.
“Okay. Oh- I forgot to say, I know you didn’t want to do anything big for your birthday, but I just couldn’t help myself…” her mother starts, and the side eye she gave her was unmissable.
“Oh god. What have you done?” She says, eyes wide with fear. She never really cared for her birthday, and therefore never made a big deal out of it. She hoped this year wasn’t an exception.
“I’ve invited some families around for a small party, nothing crazy. The Thorntons, the Cameron’s, the-“
“The Cameron’s?” She says, her voice raised as she draws in a sharp breath, head snapping to face her mother so fast, she could of got whiplash.
Her eyes were wide as she attempted to register what her mother just said, her muscles tensing with fear as she felt her heart practically sink to her feet. She was going to have to see him again. And as soon as her mother took one look at her daughters face, she knew she had fucked up.
She wanted to blame her mother, but she couldn't really. To her mothers knowledge, there was no hostility towards her and Rafe, and their breakup was mutual. In other words, she has never told her mother the real reason they broke up, or the fact that they don't talk anymore. At the start, it was just too painful, and telling her meant it was actually real. Now, it was like bringing up old news, and she didn't want to revisit the ghosts of her past.
She spent the rest of the journey pleading with her mother to un-invite them, but she wouldn’t budge, claiming it would be too rude to tell them they couldn’t come now, and the damage had already been done. Although she had always had soft spots for Sarah and Wheezie, she knew seeing Rafe again would break her into pieces.
But that didn’t matter now, she thought to herself, eyes trained on the raindrops which had started to trickle down the car window, the moody clouds a reflection of her own dismay. Using her mothers words, the damage had been done, and it was now time to face the music.
I knew you
Hand under my sweatshirt
Baby, kiss it better
She tapped her finger erratically on her leg as she sat on her desk chair in her bedroom, trying drastically to calm her nerves. This was officially the worst birthday ever, and she knew the worst was yet to come.
She finished the last of the wine she stole from her parents cupboards, the alcohol warming her insides as she inhales a deep breath, exhaling slowly, before checking her appearance in the mirror once again, ruffling her hair to give it more volume. She had already changed her outfit multiple times, wanting to make sure she looked good. But no matter how many times she checked her makeup, or fiddled with her hair, nothing felt sufficient.
She practically jumped out of her skin as the sound of the doorbell engulfed the house, her breath hitching in her throat. She sprayed her perfume on herself as her mother called her name, and gave herself a small but reassuring mental pep talk, before making her way down the stairs.
Her shoulders dropped with relief as she saw it was just the Thorntons, and she extended her arms out to embrace Topper as soon as she reached the bottom of the stairs.
“Happy birthday! How is my favourite mai tai drinker?” Topper says as he hugs her, reminding her of the time she threw up after a long night of Mai tai’s and joints at his house; something that seemingly, she has never been able to live down.
“God, don’t remind me” she says, cringing at the memory.
“But that’s what friends are for?” He says, more of a question than a statement. His features held a playful expression, and she realised then she had missed her friends more than she thought.
She greeted Toppers parents, the familiar faces calming her anxiety a little as they all made their way to the garden, the music from the speakers getting louder and louder.
“This looks amazing mum, thank you” she said, a bright smile on her face as she hugs her mother, admiring all the decorations. Although this is definitely not what she wanted to be doing on her birthday, she could tell her mother put in a lot of effort, and she didn’t want to be ungrateful.
“Of course. Happy birthday darling” she says, before retreating in the kitchen to sort out a few things.
Once her mother was out of the sight, she pulled on Toppers arm, dragging him further down the garden, away from his parents “Top, I’m freaking the fuck out”
"what? why?" Topper says, his eyebrows furrowed.
"because, my moms invited-" her blood runs cold as she hears the doorbell again, and just by the look in her eyes, Topper instantly knew what was going on. “Rafe?” He asks. She nodded her head.
Luckily, it was just some old school friends, and she allowed her body to relax once again. She wondered how many mini-heart attacks it would take for Rafe to actually show up.
Her question was left unanswered as an hour past, and the Camerons still hadn't shown up. She didn't know whether she felt relieved or disappointed, but based on the heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she definitely felt uneasy.
Despite this, she was actually having a good time. Kelce and the rest of her school friends turned up, and lets just say her mums wine stash was growing lesser by the minute.
"okay everyone, inside for the cake!" her mother yells, and everyone followed her inside promptly, taking a seat on the large dining table. She was just about to offer to help her mum cut the cake, when the doorbell went again. Her eyes shut in defeat, knowing there was only one family that was yet to turn up.
"ah! your just in time for the cake! come in, come in" she could hear her mother mumble from the hallway, and her heart dropped.
Low and behold, the Camerons waltzed into the dining room, and suddenly, she was stone cold sober. Ward was absent, which wasn't exactly unusual. He had missed so many of Rafe's important milestones growing up, so it wasn't a surprise he wasn't interested in hers.
Her eyes grew soft as they met Rafes gaze. He looked pretty much the same, although his hair had grown, and the way his dirty blonde locks fell in front of his face was doing something to her that she couldn't quite explain.
She hadn’t seen him for so long, that the memories she had of him where that of a timid ghost; one that always lingered but never pounced, and never allowed her to fully heal. But as she was standing in front of him now, in the flesh, everything felt so much more real. And it was clear his ghost had come back to haunt her, as vicious as ever.
But as he got closer, and she got a good look at his face, her insides started to twist in the worst way possible. The skin of his cheek was bruised purple, his eye was basically black, and the numerous cuts and scrapes that danced along his skin were accompanied by a cut lip. She bit the inside of her cheek to hold back a gasp, and she was sure everyone else was doing the same.
Rafe's heart skipped a beat as he saw her, his rationality crumbling before his eyes as he glanced at the girl who was once his everything. It was like their whole relationship flashed before his eyes in that very moment, and it was hard for him to breath. He tore his eyes away from her as the overwhelming emotions became too much, finding solace in staring at his feet instead. She wondered then if this was as hard for him as it was for her.
Wheezie was first to approach her, giving her a big hug as she wished her happy birthday, before Sarah and Rose did the same. And then, it was Rafe’s turn.
“Hey” she says, her lips turning upwards into a small smile. God, he had missed her smile.
“Hi. You look nice” he said in a soft voice, hands hidden from her as he fiddled with something in his pockets, a hesitant look in his eyes. It may of been a while, but she still knew the boy inside and out, and just by the deflated look in his blue orbs, she could tell he wasn’t doing well.
“Thanks” she said, giving him a tight lipped smile in response. There was so much she wanted to say. But with so many people around, she couldn’t.
The next twenty minutes were extremely awkward. Rafe didn't say a word to anyone, and you could practically cut through the tension with a knife. Her eyes were glossy as she blew out her candles, and it took everything in her to fake a smile and hold herself together. She had a good poker face, but Rafe could see right through her as he sat across the table, a pit of dread in his stomach as he observed the sadness that lay behind her eyes. He poked and prodded at his untouched piece of cake as he matched her dull expression, before Sarah decided to break the silence.
"so Y/N, hows college? are the people nice?"
"um, yeah" she says, swirling her fork around her plate. She really wasn't in the mood to elaborate.
"she's made lots of friends, haven't you sweetie? she even has a new-"
"mom" she says, more as a warning, looking up from her plate now.
"what? as i was saying, she as a new boyfriend" her mother says, as oblivious as ever, pausing to take a sip from her wine glass.
her eyes shut in defeat for a second, but she didnt miss the way Rafe's eyes snapped up, his jaw clenching at the revelation. she's moved on.
it was true, she had a new boyfriend. The relationship was new, but he was sweet. She would be lying if she said he made her feel the things Rafe did, though.
"oh, thats wonderful! whats he like?" Toppers mum says, blissfully unaware of the chaos she was provoking.
"um-" she was cut off with a clang before she could even start her sentence, everyones eyes darting to Rafe as the sound of him dropping his fork on his plate fills the room, his fists balled on the table.
"excuse me" Rafe says, not waiting for a response before he jumps up, storming out of the room without so much as a glance. She mumbles a quick "fuck" under her breath, her guilty conscience getting the best of her when she too sprang up, following him out of the room without giving it too much thought.
She walked down the hallway and into the kitchen, her movements coming to a halt when she spotted him outside, staring at him through the glass doors that led to the garden. She grabbed a random sweatshirt from one of the kitchen stools, and took a deep breath before heading outside.
He didn't look at her as she walked out, but he knew she was there. instead, he gazed at the pool in front of him. "new boyfriend, huh?" he says, shoving his hands in his pockets, his jaw still clenched.
"Yeah well, atleast he can actually look me in the eyes" she says, folding her arms over her chest. He took that as a dig, and turned to look at her then, his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly. It was painfully obvious he was still in love with her, hell, he probably always would be. But who could blame him? It was the kind of love you only saw in the movies, the same kind of love Rafe never believed in, until he met her.
"what happened to your face?" she says weakly, just above a whisper, as if it pained her to say it.
he opened his mouth and then closed it again, like a gulping fish, debating whether to tell her the truth or not. His mouth opened once again, ready to speak before his eyes trailed down to her sweatshirt. And just like that, he froze.
“You kept it” he says, and her eyes followed his, peering down at her sweatshirt before she too froze. Holy shit, she forgot it was his.
She walked with Sarah out into the garden at the Cameron house, taking a sip of her vodka orange as she walked past Rafe to the sun beds. He was watering the plants, no doubt a chore his dad asked him to do before he left the house this morning. But given his shirtless state, she definitely wasn’t complaining.
They had just started seeing each other, but they hadn’t told anyone yet, not wanting to deal with the agro from their friends. But again, she wasn’t complaining. As it turns out, sneaking around was a lot of fun.
“Have you no shame? Uncle Reggie doesn’t even drink this early” Rafe taunts, referring to his alcoholic relative Reggie, who had a reputation for always ruining family events.
“Debatable. I once saw him use tequila instead of milk in his cereal” Sarah says.
“Bite me, Cameron” she claps back at Rafe, smiling sweetly at him before perching on the sun bed.
I’d love to, he thought, but he bit his tongue at the presence of his sister. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her summer dress, the flimsy material just daring to be pulled down her body as he glanced at the flirtatious look that danced in her eyes.
“That’s a dangerous thing to say to a man with a hose” he threatens, his signature smirk gracing his cherry red lips. She wasn’t sure she could get used to his smile even if she tried.
“You wouldn’t dare” she says, confident in her words as she laid back in the chair with her eyes closed, letting the sun drench her skin.
“Wouldn’t i?”
her eyes shot open as she felt cold water being sprayed all over her body, a loud scream leaving her lips.
“Holy shit!” She screams, springing up from the chair to run away from him, a breathy laugh leaving her lips. He stopped eventually, once he had his fun, but the amused look on his face turned into a stunned expression, his mouth agape as he noticed the way her dress had become somewhat transparent.
“Perv!” Sarah says to her brother, eyeing the way he was shamelessly staring at her wet figure. She mentally cursed him then for his lack of control, he didn’t even try to hide it.
She went inside to change, grabbing the first thing she saw in the laundry room, which happened to be a pair of sweatpants and a blue sweatshirt. It wasn’t the most flattering outfit in the world, but it would do. When she opened the door to make her way back into the garden, she found Rafe on the other side of it.
“Scale of 1 to 10?” He says, a cheeky look on his face.
Whenever they would bicker or annoy each other, they would always ask the other to rate their rage in a scale of 1 to 10, as a way of gaging whether the disagreement was serious or not.
“A strong 9. I’m plotting my revenge as we speak” she says, a smile painting her face that made all of his defences crumble. He let out a genuine chuckle at her remark
“Your wearing my sweatshirt” he observes, a cheesy grin on his face as he raises his eyebrows.
At this point, their secret relationship was lacking a label, and she wasn’t sure if they were at the clothes-wearing stage yet. “Oh, sorry. I’ll take it off” she says, her voice weak. She went to lift the material over her head when he stopped her.
“No, no, keep it. You look good in it” he says, wrapping her arms around his waist and pulling her closer.
“Plus…I want you wearing it when I do this” he says, guiding her backwards into the laundry room and shutting the door with his foot. She giggled as he began peppering sweet kisses on her neck, and her hands immediately clung to his hair, relishing in the feel of his soft lips. He just couldn’t help but smirk into her skin as her breathing got heavier and heavier, and it dawned on him then that, label or not, he was hers. “Your smooth Cameron, I’ll give you that”
“Of course I kept it” she said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. And to her, it was.
His features softened at her words, and he came to the realisation then that maybe, just maybe, all hope wasn’t lost. He tried to stop himself from stepping towards her, but he just couldn’t. And as soon as the smell of her perfume invaded his senses, he knew he was a goner.
“Does your boyfriend touch you like I did?” He asks, his voice low as he dips his head to hers, eyes focused on her glossy lips. One wrong move, and his lips would be on hers.
She couldn’t deny the way her insides melted as her eyes widened slightly, a certain intensity laying behind his eyes that made all of the blood rush to her head. The lust within his blown out pupils only added fuel to the fire as he brought his hands up to her thighs, tracing his fingers upwards along her skin, before his hands reached under the hem of her sweatshirt.
Her breath hitched in her throat as his hands dipped under the material, roaming around her bare hips, pulling her closer to him, if that was even possible. One hand then settled on the small of her back, whilst the other creeped up to her clothed breast. He swiped his thumb over her hardened nipple, and as she let out a small whimper, he had to bite his lip to suppress a smirk.
“I-“ her words turned into mush as he pushed the top of her dress aside, making her jerk against him as he pinches her nipple. The cold metal of his rings cooled down her burning skin as he touched her breast, and she felt like her knees were going to give way at any moment.
“I bet he doesn’t” he whispers in her ear, taunting her even further, even though based on her reaction, he already knew her answer. She could feel his smirk when he placed a kiss on her head, his familiar after shave making her question why they even broke up in the first place. She knew then that she was screwed.
The sound of the garden door opening snapped her out of her blissful trance, and she pulled away from him, ignoring every urge in her body that wanted to pull him close again. The loss of her warmth almost made him frown as the distance between them increased, and when he saw topper standing at the top of the garden, he never wanted to punch his best friend more.
“Uh, your mum wanted me to check if everything is alright” Topper says awkwardly, scratching the back of his head as he tried to ignore what he just walked in on.
“Yeah, um, we should probably head back in” she says, refusing to meet Rafe’s eyes as she turns on her feet, making her way back inside.
“Top, give us a minute” Rafe says, and she halts her movements, turning back around to face him. Topper nodded his head swiftly before treating back indoors.
“I just- I got you this. Happy birthday” he says, walking over to her, before pulling out a small box in his pocket. It was wrapped in blue wrapping paper, finished off with a small white ribbon, and she couldn’t help the wide smile that escaped her lips. He got her a present.
“Oh. Thank you” she said, taking the box out of his hand. Their fingers brushed briefly, and she couldn’t ignore the butterflies she felt in her stomach.
“We should…” she starts, gesturing her hand towards the house.
“Oh. Yeah” he says, his voice somewhat shaky. It was strange how he could go from dominant to a nervous reck in the space of a few seconds. He hated what she turned him into. She was the only one that could break his defences by the click of a finger, and it was terrifying.
He wanted to grab her hand, or yell for her to stay, but he didn’t. Instead, he waltzed back up the garden steps behind her, before entering the dining room again with one question on his mind.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how much did you miss me?
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fancyfeathers · 3 months
Text
Hunter being Hunted (Yandere Capitano x reader) (Normalized Yandere AU)
From my yandere harbingers series that you can read the introduction post here
This is about the hunter, Capitano’s darling, featuring the medic, Dottore’s darling. Sorta of how they met.
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You ran as fast as you could, not daring to look back. It did not take long for people at camp to notice your gone, you could hear their shouts telling them to notify Lord Capitano at once of your disappearance. You were to be assigned to a rather dangerous mission, you knew the outcome of this task would end rather horribly for you. Then when you went to the captain’s tent to drop off a report, you saw it…
letters…
letters about you…
that would place you under his custody when you were discharged, a severe injury would do the trick.
You did not waste a moment before planning your escape which leads you to where you are now. Running in the woods, as fast as you can. The landscape was unfamiliar to you but you did not have time to stop and process it, they would catch you otherwise, and if they did Archons knows what would happen.
“Find them at once!”
That voice shook you, even at the distance it was, it was so loud, and you knew it so well. Lord Capitano.
Your legs started running faster at the sound of his voice. Then you could hear the footsteps of other Fatui getting closer, you wouldn’t be able to get away in time, maybe you should just lay down and accept your fate…
A hand grabbing you by your forearm makes it feel like your fate is sealed, but then you feel yourself being pulled into the hallowed trunk of a tree, the entrance covered by vines. You were about to scream but a hand covers your mouth. You look to see your savior and you see a young woman, around her mid twenties, dressed in what would seem to be a nomadic medic clothes. Your eyes remained glued together in silence. You could hear the Fatui rushing past your hiding spot, along with shouting, then through the vines you can see the familiar helmeted figure of your captain. By some miracle he doesn’t notice you despite being within arms reach.
It feels like an eternity before he finally leaves and moves on to search elsewhere and even longer before the two of you step out of the tree and you can get a good look at the woman, she seemed quite flustered herself.
“T-thank you, miss… you saved me.” You said to her and she only nodded.
“Don’t mention it, you should’ve get out of here before they come around here again.” She answered as she gathered her things that were hiding in a nearby bush, apparently she was hiding out here. She glanced over her shoulder at you with a smirk. “Good luck, ex-Fatui.”
”What about you ma’am? Where are you going?”
She paused in her tracks at your words, before she’s turned around back at you, reaching into her pocket and handing you a letter. You opened it and your heart sank, you knew the handwriting, you recognized it from Capitano’s letters. It was Dottore’s, the second harbinger. It was blackmail, but despite that it was written like it was from an old friend or a lover…
This woman was in the same situation as you…
“Miss, you cannot be serious about it.” You said, following after her as she walked.
“He stole my research, I need it back.” She answered, continuing on her way, determined as ever. “It’s my life’s work.”
“What’s good is your work if you give up your life?”
She paused in her tracks ahain, the only sounds being the distance shouting of Fatui soldiers and the sounds of the nocturnal wildlife. She turned around to face you, walking towards you. Her hands took the letter from yours and stares down at it. She takes a heavy breath.
“You better be right, soldier boy.” She replied and with that she ripped the letter in half. She grabbed you by the wrist and started leading you away from the shouts of the soldiers. “Come on, I’ll keep you safe if you keep me safe.”
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vyncentevelyn · 5 months
Text
Halsin: *completely out of no where* I want to fuck.
Iseult: *chokes on Ithbank* I’m sorry? What did I miss here?
Halsin: Your actions have been as such since I arrived at camp as a lover - not as a host…
Iseult: *rummages through the thoughts around the tadpole trying to remember what she could have done to show this*
Emperor: Girl, I got nothing.
Iseult: I…
Halsin: If I have misread the situation let me know, lest I sour our friendship.
Iseult: Halsin, I’m already in a...relationship...
Halsin: Astarion. Yes you are bonded, body and soul. His scent clings to your skin.
Iseult: *nods slowly* ...his scent...yes...
Halsin: He would have to consent to anything before it could happen.
Iseult: *stares blankly up at the large Druid, mouth slightly agape*
Halsin: And perhaps, eventually he could join.
Iseult: *her jaw drops, her head is on the brink of exploding*
Halsin: But one word from you and I will drop the matter entirely.
Iseult: *clears her throat* Halsin, had I not started *waves a hand in Astarion’s general location* anything with him, had Astarion and I never met, I might have been interested but I am with him. It’s not that I’m restricted to monogamy, it’s just things are…complicated…and I want to give fully what I am to him…I…
Halsin: *his eyes flash but he smiles softly* Say no more. If things ever change, we will talk then.
*Iseult walks over to Astarion’s tent and flops down onto the pillows beside him*
Astarion: *looks over from his book* Are you drunk?
Iseult: *pushes her hair out of her face* Ex-extremely.
Astarion: *closes his book*
Iseult: You, *points at him* you!
Astarion: *puts his hand on his chest* Me?
Iseult: You will not believe!
Astarion: Do tell.
Iseult: *flings hands out in the direction of where she walked in from and gestures wildly* He just, just. He just said it.
Astarion: Said what?
Iseult: *impersonating Halsin* His scent clings to your skin. *drops the impression and her arms, she leans forward and whispers* Duh.
Astarion: *chuckles softly* So Halsin finally confessed?
Iseult: *her eyes grow wide* YOU KNEW?!
Astarion: Darling, I know people and the Druid is not exactly subtle.
Iseult: I just thought he was really nice.
Astarion: *clicks his tongue* My poor, sweet little Drow, how are you so naive?
Iseult: *narrows her eyes* I'm not naive, I'm drunk.
Astarion: That I am well aware of darling. Now come over here, I need to catch up and you need to calm down.
Iseult: *clumsily crawls over to Astarion, turning around so that her back is to him* Maybe I'm a little dumb.
Astarion: *gathers her hair and moves it from one side of her neck* You said it, not me.
Iseult: *leans back into Astarion as he bites her neck* Do I really smell like you?
Astarion: *mumbles against her skin*
Iseult: You smell good. Like...mulled wine and...and...cinders...and mulled wine...
Astarion: *he pulls off her neck* You said that twice, love. *he pauses as he goes to drink again* What else?
Iseult: Salt. *she sighs* You smell good.
Astarion: *she can feel him smile against her skin as he drinks*
Iseult: You know what else?
Astarion: Hmmm?
Iseult: He said it would have to be with your consent -
Astarion: *he releases her neck* Well that was considerate of him.
Iseult: - and that maybe you could join at some point.
Astarion: ...
Iseult: My response exactly.
Astarion: You are welcome to have as much fun as you want. I appreciate you talking to me before anything happens. But I...
Iseult: *tilting her head back to make eye contact* I told him no.
Astarion: *carefully* For me?
Iseult: For me. I don't speak for you unless you want me to Astarion. I didn't bring you into the conversation except to tell him I already had a...a... *she falters and gestures with her hands even though Astarion's eyes don't leave hers*
Astarion: Thank you.
Iseult: *smiles softly and looks back down, once again baring her neck* You're welcome.
Astarion: *starts to drink again and then pulls off suddenly* This isn't because I...I mean this isn't because we...haven't in a while...
Iseult: *turns fully around and looks at him with a pleading expression* No! No, nothing like that. Please don't think that.
Astarion: If it was...you can defina- *he's cut short as she interrupts*
Iseult: No.
Astarion: *posture relaxes a little*
Iseult: You still hungry? Or do you want to split a bottle with me? *she smiles*
Astarion: I...I'm still hungry.
Iseult: *relaxes back into their original posture*
Astarion: *gently reopens the bite*
Iseult: *yawns* I'm going to fall asleep.
Astarion: *pulls off* I know. *starts drinking again*
218 notes · View notes
oddinary4bts · 2 years
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The Boy with Galaxies in his Eyes | jjk
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☆summary: you had never thought the night sky could be found in someone’s eyes. That is, until you met Jeon Jungkook and his gravity pulled you in. Will he crush you with the galaxies in his eyes, or will you learn to explore his worlds and make them yours?
☆pairing: Jeon Jungkook x female tattoo artist reader
☆rating: 18+
☆genre: fwb to lovers, idol!au, angst (a lot), smut (a whole lot too), fluff
☆warnings: oc’s ex-boyfriend died and it takes an important place in the story, swearing, fuckboy Jungkook, fuckgirl oc, a whole bunch of red flags, miscommunication (they learn how to communicate don’t worry), exes that can’t stay out of your life, alcohol, they be a little toxic but they get better, explicit content: fingering, pussy slapping, squirting, oral sex (male and female receiving), mouth fucking, dirty talking, jungkook has a slight begging kink and an exhibitionism kink (not that present in the fic), dom!jk, switch!reader, car sex, sex in a tent, hair pulling (I think), tits/nipple play, unprotected sex, a little bit of ass slapping, mentions of choking
☆word count: 52.9k 
☆playlist: I made a playlist for the fic, that is sort of timed with the scenes if you want to give it a listen while you read! (I spent way too much time doing that HAHA)
☆a/n: I love everything about this fic. Everything was so easy to write, like the story was already written in my head and I was just transcribing it. I’ve never felt like that with a story, and perhaps that’s why the word count grew so quickly (I did decide not to write everything I had planned and still here we are). I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it. Once again, I reiterate that this fic deals with a lot of grief and it might get heavy. If you need to talk to someone, please reach out, my dms are always open for you all <3
☆a/n pt 2: MOST IMPORTANTLY, shout out to my beautiful beta reader, @moonleeai​ <3. This story would be nothing without you and I will forever be thankful for your help. You are amazing and a true gift <3
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
          In your universe, there was a boy with galaxies in his eyes. Someone that held whole worlds in his gaze, worlds unexplored by anyone before. Territories left untouched, unspoiled by human exploration. He was a firm believer in outer space, in planets and stars and nebulas. For someone that held them in his eyes, he didn’t look up at the night sky enough, didn’t take time to enjoy the constellations in which he swam. But he loved them nonetheless, with a heart made of gold that he had locked up far in his depths. So far no spacecraft could reach it and no human touch was enough. Until he met a girl with a mirror in her eyes, someone that was just like him. Someone that held the whole world in her gaze, yet hid it behind closed doors. Someone that had been hurt, in the past, so bad she didn’t let her galaxies shine anymore.
And maybe that, most of all, was what pulled in the boy with galaxies in his eyes.
 *****
           If there was one thing you had understood, as a young tattoo artist, it was that Friday nights were a profitable night, with all the drunk people seeking for a permanent imprint of their revelry on their skin. You had put your ink on more drunken bodies than you could remember, though you had always made sure these tattoos were top of your art.
God knew you didn’t need any bad reviews for your shop. So far, the reviews had mostly been positive, with people coming back sober to thank you about your art. It had led to you having quite a reputation, and an impressive following on your Instagram, where you posted every tattoo with the consent of its owner.
One thing led to another, and famous people started going to you for their own tattoos – drunk or not – and you barely even were surprised when you saw them walk into your shop. Usually, that is.
Because when Jeon Jungkook walked into your shop, on a late Friday evening in the middle of June, surrounded by a small crowd of his friends, your mouth fell open, and you blinked a couple of times, willing the image to change.
Or just for it to start making sense, because your brain was struggling to understand. He had not even contacted you in advance. Had you known, you wouldn’t have scheduled someone already.
And as you sat there, looking at Jungkook over the young girl you were tattooing, gazes meeting like an intimate embrace, you were struck dumb. You couldn’t find anything to say but stare.
Now, you had never been a big fan of his. But it was hard not to know who he was, when you had lived in Seoul your whole life. BTS was a big thing, whether you liked their music or not.
“Good evening”, he said, bowing his head.
It took you a moment to register the slur in his words – Jeon Jungkook was drunk in your tattoo shop. So were his friends, as they giggled behind him. Jungkook was clearly attempting to look sober, with a serious look on his face, but the blush on his cheeks was selling him.
“Hello”, you replied, bowing back.
You glanced at the girl you were working on, tattoo pen hovering over the skin of her arm, and the half-finished fine line fish you were drawing there. The girl was looking at Jungkook, mouth hanging open, eyes so wide you thought they were going to bulge out of her head.
You hoped you didn’t look like that because, even with the kindness she had addressed to you all night, she truly looked ridiculous.
“Are you closing soon?” Jungkook asked, scanning your shop once before meeting your gaze again.
You blinked once more, almost expecting the scene to change, but when your eyes opened again, Jungkook was still there.
“Miss Seo is my last client of the evening”, was your reply. You straightened, trying to appear more professional. “Do you wish to get tattooed tonight?”
A tall man behind Jungkook snorted, and another one of them elbowed him in the ribs. You were pretty sure the first one was Cha Eunwoo, but you didn’t recognize the other one. Nor did you recognize any of the other men.
Jungkook clearly tried to keep his cool, though the corner of his lips were shaking with a suppressed laugh. “If you can, yes. We’ll pay double.”
You let out a small laugh, tilting your head to the side. “There’s no need to pay more.” You glanced at the girl, and at her still wide eyes. “I’ll be done in about thirty minutes, if you want to come back then.”
The grin that moved on Jungkook’s mouth had your brain going into a frenzy, and you looked down at the tattoo. Trying to ignore the curious gaze that he still had on you, as if he wasn’t quite ready to look away, and join into the victorious cheers his drunk friends were exchanging.
“Oh God”, Seo Bomi, your client, let out, as your pen pricked her skin again.
You threw her a concerned look. “Are you okay?”
She nodded, cheeks so red she seemed to be about to implode. Quite like you felt, in all honesty. Because Jungkook had taken a few steps closer, while his friends were lingering by the door.
“Can I watch?” he asked, and you looked up to him as he stopped next to Bomi.
It was quite the sight to see, Jeon Jungkook looking down at you like that. It had your blood turning hot in your veins, as you gulped.
“If Miss Seo is comfortable, yeah”, you replied.
Your hands had never shaken when you had tattooed someone before, and you knew that they wouldn’t start today. No matter if you had an audience – you were confident in your talents, and maybe that, most of all, was behind your success.
Bomi’s face turned alarmed, her eyes growing a little wider. Jungkook got the clue and he stepped back, a friendly smile moving on his lips.
“You know what, I think we’ll grab another beer before”, he said. “We’ll be back in thirty minutes.”
You nodded, smiling at him. “Don’t be late.”
His smile melted into a smirk and he winked, “I’d never be late for you.”
He was gone before your brain had registered his words. Before you could even meet the flirtatiousness that had inhabited his sentence. It left you stunned for a moment.
“I knew you tattooed celebrities all the time, but I wasn’t expecting to see the ‘97 liners here tonight.” Bomi’s pretty voice was still a little strained from the embarrassment, and she let out a tiny giggle.
You focused back on reality, eyeing her. Had she heard Jungkook flirting at all, or was that just you?
“I wasn’t expecting them tonight either”, you replied, and you only then noticed your heart was beating out of your chest.
The night promised to be exciting, yes, and quite profitable for your tattoo shop.
If you didn’t make a fool out of yourself, that is.
 *****
               “Stay still”, you told Jaehyun for the thousandth time.
Of all of Jungkook’s friends, he was the only one that hadn’t seemed excited about getting tattooed, and you hadn’t even begun to draw on his skin.
“Sorry”, he apologized again.
You offered him a reassuring smile, before bringing the pen closer to his skin. He stiffened again, but this time he didn’t move, and you pressed the tip of your pen on the tender skin of the inside of his wrist.
He winced, but surprisingly remained still. Which was a relief, because it was getting particularly late, and you still had two of them to tattoo – Eunwoo and Jungkook.
Jungkook had asked to be last, claiming he wanted to watch you work on his friends. You had accepted, though you hadn’t expected him to sit so close to you. So close you could feel the side of his knee brush against your thigh, and your mind kept zeroing in on the spot where you touched.
Focus, Y/n.
You pushed Jungkook out of your thoughts, as you started drawing the small 97 the group had decided to get tattooed. Apparently, the decision to get the art had been taken when they were all sober, though as they had indulged in alcohol, they had decided to come to you tonight, instead of waiting to contact you first.
It was a rather unexpected turn of events for you, but you weren’t going to complain.
Jungkook moved closer, as your hair obstructed his view. He was leaning on his thighs, elbows resting on his knees, head on his closed fists. From so close, you could smell the alcohol on him, and the rich husky smell of his cologne. An expensive fragrance undoubtedly.
“How long have you been a tattoo artist?” he asked, and his warm breath brushed your cheek, making blood rush to your face.
“Ever since I graduated high school”, you replied, voice small as you focused on the pattern on Jaehyun’s skin.
“Don’t distract her”, Jaehyun warned his friend.
Jungkook let out a manly chuckle, one that had your heart squeezing in your chest, just enough for you to lift the tattoo pen.
“Sorry”, he apologized.
He leaned back on the stool he had brought closer to you, glancing at the rest of his friends, who were sitting on the couches next to the door. They were drinking soju – they had asked if they could first, of course – playing a drinking game that had them cheering a lot louder than needed.
Not that you minded, you had never been distracted by noise before. No, you had always been good at tuning out your surroundings.
Except when Jeon Jungkook was part of said surroundings, it seemed.
You finished Jaehyun’s tattoo in relative peace, even if your heart was still being a little piece of shit in your chest. Eunwoo’s tattoo went just as well, as Jungkook had followed back Jaehyun to the rest of the group, leaving you with enough room to breathe – for once.
Eunwoo offered you a friendly conversation as you worked on his skin, just enough to allow you to focus on him and him only – which helped, because you finished the tattoo a little quicker, wiping his wrist of the excess ink as you sat straighter.
“Thank you”, he said, smiling brightly.
It had you breathing in sharply, as you bowed your head. He chuckled, and you looked back up to his face.
“Have fun with Jaykay”, he said, his grin a little too knowing for your own good.
You only understood why when he joined the rest of his friends, and they told Jungkook they’d be waiting for him back at the place where they had been drinking. The bell on top of the door rang as they filed out, and you just sat there for a moment, as Jungkook told them he’d be quick.
There was a weird silence, once his friends were gone. The kind of silence that felt as if it was heavy with questions, yet nobody wished to break it. Or maybe you were just a coward, because being alone in this relative calmness with Jungkook had your mind playing tricks on you.
He looked at you, a lazy smile adorning his lips, before he took a few steps towards you.
“Well, I guess it’s my turn”, he said, and you nodded.
You pressed your lips in a thin line and got up, to get everything ready for him. He watched you move carefully, remaining silent, as he sat in the chair where you had tattooed the rest of his friends.
He only spoke once you sat back down next to him.
“I’ve been wanting to come here for a while”, he admitted, voice low, as you grabbed his arm to put it in the right position for you to access the spot he had pointed to earlier, when you had asked all of them where they wanted the tattoo.
Your hands stilled on him, and you looked up to meet his gaze.
Jungkook had big eyes. Big round doe eyes that seemed infinitely innocent. Yet, you felt like a prey under the depths they held, as if they’d swallow you whole if they could. It was attracting, in the same way sirens attracted sailors – beautiful, yes, but deathly nonetheless.
“You have?” you replied, once the silence had stretched to the point of discomfort.
You were almost sure you saw him gulp.
“I’ve heard a lot about you”, he answered.
He was the one to break the eye contact, and the intensity that had filled the air between you dwindled away.
“I hope you’ve heard mostly good things”, you said, a little teasingly.
He chuckled. “Only good things”, he agreed. “Jimin loves his moon phase tattoo.”
You had indeed been the one to permanently put the moons on Jimin’s skin, a few months ago. It had been planned for a while though – not like Jungkook’s appearance in your shop earlier.
“I’m proud of the result”, you said pensively as you recalled the day when Jimin had come.
It had been a stormy day, and he had seemed as if the rain had infected him with its bleakness. You hadn’t said anything, because you didn’t know him enough to ask about his personal life, and knew better than to ask anything to your celebrity clients.
There was a reason why they chose to come to you after all. Your professionality being at the top of the list. And your relationship with Jimin hadn’t gone beyond that – he had just been your client, and you, the artist. So you had focused on tattooing him, talking to him about everything and nothing in the hope that he’d leave with a smile on his face. He had, and you could only hope that it had lingered.
Jungkook’s face had fallen softer as you were lost in the memory, and you blushed as you focused back on him.
“As you should”, he replied, and then his eyes dropped to your hands on his arms.
Your own gaze followed his, and you took in the sight of his sleeve of tattoos. Drank in the sight, in all honesty, trailing from his wrist to his elbow, before exploring further up, up to the place where the art disappeared under the sleeve of his oversized black t-shirt. Your eyes went back down, until they settled on the spot in the inside of his elbow, the only spot that was void of ink.
You ran a finger on it, barely even grazing it, and Jungkook laughed.
“That tickled”, he said.
You echoed his laugh, before gazing up at him again. He met your eyes, wetting his lips before offering you a small grin.
“I assume I don’t need to tell you it might hurt”, you said, voice just a little low, taking a sultry tone you hadn’t even aimed for.
His big eyes narrowed a little, taking on a more dangerous expression. “I like a little pain, don’t worry.”
You chuckled, before going straight to work. And maybe it was the fact that his gaze was still burning on your profile, and that the atmosphere of your shop had turned a little heated, but you said, “That makes two of us.”
His manly chuckle met your ears again. “You don’t even have tattoos.”
You let a smirk grow on your lips, even though you didn’t glance at him. “Oh, I keep my tattoos in more hidden places.”
He leaned his head against the chair, tilting it to the side. “Like where?”
You straightened, pushing your hair over your shoulder, before slightly turning your head away from him, pointing behind your ear, where you had a small sun tattoo. “Like here.”
His eyes were a little dark as you met his gaze. “I’d hardly call that a hidden place.”
You shook your head slightly, before resuming your work on his arm. You finished the 9 before you spoke again. “It would be unprofessional for me to show one of my clients the rest of my tattoos.”
From the corner of your eyes, you saw Jungkook’s tongue dart out of his mouth as he wet his lips. “How unfortunate.”
And really, your other tattoos weren’t in particularly intimate places, but they were intimate enough for you not to like showing them. You had one on the side of your hip – a snake, with a small moon next to the s that formed its body. Your only other tattoo was the fine line tattoo of a rose and a dagger on your ribs, on your right side. The rose bloomed right next to your boob, and that most of all kept you from showing him.
As you remained silent, Jungkook let out a small chuckle. “How many other tattoos do you have?”
“Two”, you said as you started working on the 7.
“That’s not a lot, for a tattoo artist.”
He wasn’t wrong, most tattoo artists had more tattoos than you. You just had always been the kind of person to never do anything without a reason – so you kept your skin a blank canvas, for the reasons you’d encounter as you’d grow older.
You shrugged, glancing once at him. “I still have my life ahead of me to get more.”
His smirk turned into a genuine smile, and he nodded. “I get that.”
You fell into a comfortable silence as you finished working on the seven, and you wondered when Jungkook had sobered up. Because, really, he seemed to have sobered up before your eyes, as if he had not even indulged in alcohol in the first place. Or maybe you were the one that had become drunk with the proximity of him which, to be fair, was a high possibility too.
You wiped his skin as you finished, putting your tattoo pen down on the small table next to you. Jungkook was looking down at the tattoo as you watched him. He had an appreciative smile on his lips when he finally met your gaze.
“I know that wasn’t a lot of work for you, but you really are good at what you do.”
There was warmth, in his praise, warmth that awoke many emotions inside of you. Needless to say, none of them were appropriate with a client.
“I know”, you said, confidence seeping from your words. “I’m good at many things.”
“Is that so?” he asked, pushing himself up until he could throw his legs on the side of the chair. It brought him dangerously close to you.
You shrugged. “Or so I’ve been told.”
He laughed, rolling his eyes, though there was no animosity behind the action. “And yet you keep your tattoos a secret.”
“Everyone likes a little mystery”, you replied, winking at him before getting up.
You had to put distance between you and him, no matter how easy it was to flirt with him. No matter how much you burned under his gaze. It was strange because you barely knew him. Though, you had always been comfortable with meaningless connections, just not with a client.
“Are you a mystery?” he asked.
It sounded genuine, and you found yourself looking at him. Meeting the universes and the stars in his gaze. You felt as if you were about to lose your balance, and fall into his eyes. It was frightening.
“That is a good question, Jeon Jungkook.”
Another one of his chuckles filled the room, as he got up too. He stepped away, even if most of you had expected him to move closer. It made you wonder who was really inebriated between you two, and you were quite sure you didn’t want to know the answer to that.
Because even if you had barely met him, your whole body was burning up from his proximity. As if his pheromones, aligned with yours perfectly, rendered your attraction animalistic. It was basic biology, and far harder to resist than you thought it would be.
But you resisted, because he was a client, and he had drunk, and really Jeon Jungkook was a predator. You had to preserve yourself.
“I’ll pay for the others”, he said after a moment, as you both just stared at each other.
There was something, in the air, that was making you act up. That was making him act up too, visibly. Because his gaze held an intensity you couldn’t interpret, but that your body was begging you to dive into.
A predator, and one of the bad ones.
“Let me get my card reader”, you replied, breathing in sharply as he looked away from you to pull his black card out of his wallet.
As he did that, you quickly moved to where you kept the electronic device, dreading the moment you’d have to step closer to him for him to pay. It was like you’d be sucked in the gravity of a black hole, and God knew you didn’t want to meet the horizon.
You’d never be able to step away.
You grabbed the card reader, turning to look at Jungkook who had followed you, unbeknownst to you. He was standing close, yet far enough for you to escape his gravity. You wet your lips, before putting in the amount he had to pay, and handing him the device.
His eyes didn’t leave yours as he slid the card in, slowly, a smirk moving on his lips.
“You have a pretty smile”, he complimented you.
It took you aback, and you wondered if he could hear the war in your mind. In your whole body, and you didn’t know which side would win.
He is a client.
“Thank you”, you replied breathlessly, before letting a smirk of your own grow on your lips.
He wanted to be a predator? Then he’ll get a taste of the animal that lurked under your skin too.
“You have pretty eyes, but I’m sure I’m not the first girl to tell you that.”
His smirk froze, as his eyes grew a little inquisitive. A little curious.
“Hardly”, he agreed. “Would you like to be the last to tell me?”
You chuckled, rolling your eyes. “We both know that won’t happen.”
The card reader beeped as the payment was authorized, breaking the tension. Jungkook pulled his card out, before handing you the device. He held onto it as you grabbed it, just for a few seconds before letting it go. You didn’t know what to make of it.
“Do we?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper, behind that husky tone it had taken.
You wet your lips, slowly, coaxing his eyes to drop to your mouth. When it worked, a triumphant smirk broke on your features. You were in control now, and it put you right back into your comfort zone.
“I do”, you said. “Aren’t your friends waiting for you?”
He met your gaze again, defying you. You weren’t willing to relinquish victory, so you held it, unblinking, pulling at some dry skin on your bottom lip. You even went all the way to tilting your head to the side, putting your hair behind your ear so he’d get a look at your exposed neck.
You didn’t know why, but a lot of guys found themselves ensnared by an exposed neck. And for all he was, Jeon Jungkook was also a man, and so he reacted like one.
Eyes dropping to your neck, moving up to your mouth, and then meeting your gaze again. You had won, and the defeat in his eyes made you feel even warmer. Threatened to make you lose too.
“I guess they are”, he replied, tongue playing with his lip piercing. You exchanged another steaming look, and you struggled to hold his gaze. He was trying to regain a control you didn’t want to let go of. “I’ll see you around?”
You chuckled, airily, looking around your shop. “You know where to find me.”
Shit. That was an invitation if you had ever seen one.
And just like that the victorious smirk switched to his lips, and he nodded. “That I do.”
Your own smirk turned into a smile, and you looked him up and down, one last time.
“I’ll wish you a good night, Jeon Jungkook.”
He tutted. “That won’t do. You haven’t told me your name yet.”
It took you by surprise, but a lot less than his next words.
“And last time I checked, your number wasn’t in my phone yet.”
You rolled your eyes, at his cleverness, before chuckling.
“I don’t establish personal relationships with my clients”, you said, voice low. It was a warning of some sort, if he was willing to listen to it. But from the little you knew of him, in the few hours since he had stepped into your shop, you knew he wouldn’t listen.
Especially not when he had the advantage.
“What if I want to schedule an appointment with you? I’d need a number, wouldn’t I?”
You shook your head. “You can dm me on Instagram. That’s what Jimin did.”
He clenched his jaw, the smirk dying on his lips. “Alright then.” He nodded once, slowly, before glancing over his shoulder at the door. “Keep your name a secret too.” He winked at you as he looked at you again. “Keep the mystery alive.”
That had you laughing, a real laugh, not one that hinted at sultriness. “Isn’t that more fun?”
He was genuinely smiling as you finished speaking. “Maybe it is.” He nodded again. “Maybe it is.”
 *****
                 It had been two weeks since Jungkook and his friends had come to your shop. Two weeks since he had walked into your life and made you feel like he had: like he was the center of the universe, and you were going to gravitate back to him, no matter what you did.
You had never really experienced that before. Irrational attraction, that is. You had your share of sexcapades, that was for sure, but nothing had felt like only a look from Jungkook had felt. And maybe that was why he kept haunting your nights, to the point that you’d wake up feeling hot and bothered.
You were going crazy, for someone you barely even knew. Someone you had only touched through the gloves you wore when you tattooed your clients, yet someone your fingers were itching to touch again.
That night, when you had gone home, you had half expected him to dm you right away. But he hadn’t, remaining stubbornly silent, hitting you with his own mystery. A mystery that slowly turned into a reality, as he didn’t come back into your life.
It was like the tattoos had never happened, as if you had imagined him and his friends standing there in your shop. If it wasn’t for the pictures of the tattoos that you had seen moving around the internet, you would have truly thought he’d just been a fever dream. The thing is, he hadn’t been, and your body was aching to see him again.
If only you had given him your phone number…
It was a thought that entertained your dreams, late at night, but even in your waken hours. It was strange, how he’d made you weak so easily, with just his physical presence. Even his absence rendered you weak now, and you hated it.
Hated the power he had gained over you.
It was strange, really, how intrigued you were with him. Because again it wasn’t like you, to be attracted to someone like that, wishing you hadn’t let them go. And it wasn’t because he was Jeon Jungkook, no, it fully was because of the tension that had taken over you. Over him, too, from the looks of it.
It led you to wonder if he did that with many girls. Flirt, that is. Offered them pieces of himself, scattering himself to the four corners of the Earth without a single regret. It was a show of liberty, in your imagination, something you fully agreed with. Something you experienced more than enough, though you rather liked your mystery.
You rather liked that nobody in the field really knew who you were, apart from your Instagram name. It let you have more control over your own life, and God knew how much you liked control. Not to the point of being obsessive, but you liked to know what was going on, all the time.
And maybe that was mostly why Jungkook still haunted your thoughts. Because you had no idea where he was, what he’d been doing, after making you feel like he was the center of the universe. After making your body react to his in such a way.
“Are you even listening to me?” your friend Aera asked.
Your brain focused back to the present, and to the restaurant around you. To the clatter of the chopsticks and spoons on the plates and bowls, and to the buzzing of conversation. To the sizzling of the meat on the grill, and the smoke that twirled in the air between you and Aera.
“Sorry”, you apologized. “You were saying?”
“Minchae knows someone having a party with some famous people”, Aera repeated.
The annoyingly pretty and overly rich Minchae, who had her little crowd of admirers wherever she went. Most of all, Minchae was the sweetest soul out there, and it was hard for you to hate her. You just were ticked off by her, as if there was something she hid. Call it intuition or whatever.
“Aishi”, you breathed, and Aera narrowed her eyes at you.
“I thought you could do some networking or something”, she said, shrugging her shoulders. “Get more celebrities to come to your shop.”
When she started wiggling her brows, you shook your head laughing, cursing her under your breath.
Lovingly, of course.
“Will you let it go?” you asked.
She straightened, taking on the most serious look she could muster up. “Never.” She then laughed, before meeting your gaze.
There was a malicious light in there, and it only made you roll your eyes as you grabbed the tongs to put the cooked meat on your plate and hers.
“You’ve been obsessing over Jungkook”, she pointed out. “I think you just need a good fuck.”
“Aera!” you yelped, looking around to make sure nobody had heard her. “Why would you say that?”
“Because it’s true”, she said matter-of-factly, laughing at the daggers your gaze threw her way. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you are a crazy fangirl.”
Choosing peace over war, you ignored her last comment.
“No but seriously”, she added, refusing to drop it. “We should go to the party. Maybe you can chat up a nice guy, and fuck Jungkook out of your system.”
“I won’t even comment on how disgusting that was.”
“You have one nights all the time, don’t act all prude on me.” She paused, as she took a bite of food. “Also, you know how I like Minchae’s parties, we always end up having a blast.”
That was very true, whether you liked it or not. You and Aera had always been party girls, and Minchae opened the door to a totally different crowd than what the usual clubs of Seoul held, a crowd you found you preferred. Not because they were rich, that you didn’t care about. No, because they often carried themselves with more respect than the regular population.
The result of their reputation being their most important brand, you assumed.
“I’ll go only if you let me tattoo a butterfly on the back of your neck”, you teased her, in reference to a drama she had absolutely hated.
You had personally found the main lead’s red flags to be quite attractive, but maybe that was just because you didn’t really do relationships at all, and Park Jae-eon reminded you of yourself, to a certain extent. Except you hadn’t met your ‘Yu Nabi’ yet, and doubted you’d meet one someday.
“Ew, I don’t want you to defile my perfect skin with your ink”, she said, shaking her head forcefully. “And a butterfly? You’re a traitor.”
You laughed heartily, taking a bite of your food before replying. “I swear I’ll tattoo you someday. And you’ll love it.”
“No thanks”, Aera said. “I’d rather die.”
“You’re just afraid of needles.”
“And what about it?”
You laughed again, along with her.
“What’s in it for me, if we go to the party?” you asked once your laughter had subsided.
Aera pondered for a time, index finger tapping on her chin. “A night of blissful fun and temporary pleasure?”
“Are you trying to write a poem or something?”
“No, just trying to convince you to go”, she said, chuckling. “Please?”
You shook your head, rolling your eyes. “Alright, we’ll go. But you pay the taxi home.”
You had been friends with Hong Aera for as long as you could remember. You had grown up together, and attended elementary school, middle school and high school together. People had often thought you were twins because of how inseparable you were. Though you had parted ways when she had chosen to go to college, and you opened your tattoo shop with the money you inherited when your grandmother passed away. Your parents had disapproved wildly, but Aera’s support had been all you needed.
And even if your parents still disapproved to this day, they refrained from telling you so. Maybe because you had made a name for yourself in the tattoo industry, but mostly you thought it was because Aera was going to be a surgeon, and she had told them she’d take care of you if need be.
Not that you would ever need it. You made plenty of money practicing your art and you didn’t need more to feel complete. No, you rather liked the life you lived, with all the freedom and the emancipation that it held.
Minchae’s party was held at a private venue, in a posh part of Seoul, not so far from your tattoo shop, in all truth. You needed invitations to get in, so Aera and you found yourselves waiting outside for Minchae to come fetch you.
You weren’t surprised when the girl stepped out with a pretty man on her arm.
You were startled, though, by the realization that it was Jaehyun.
“Hi!” Minchae squeaked as she saw you and Aera, throwing her arms around your necks to pull you into a hug that had you wincing a little.
You had never liked public displays of affection.
Jaehyun met your gaze over Minchae’s shoulders, his eyes widening at the sight of you. He then smiled as he recognized you. You pulled away from Minchae just in time to bow to him and Minchae looked between you two.
“You know each other?” she asked, head tilted to the side prettily.
Jaehyun held out his wrist in the space between you, showing the tattoo you had imprinted on his skin two weeks ago. It was enough explanation for Minchae to connect the dots, and you met her gaze. You swore there was a disapproving light in her eyes, though it lasted for less than a fraction of a second, turning into a warm look.
“Y/n is the one who tattooed you all?” she said, clapping her hands excitedly. “That’s adorable.”
Jaehyun nodded, slowly, as if he wasn’t quite sure if Minchae was being honest, or if she was throwing shade at you. It made you smile wryly, and you two shared a supportive look that went unnoticed to the two other girls completing the square you formed.
“Well”, Jaehyun let out. “I’ll let you girls in.”
And that he sure did, with just a slight bow of his head to the bouncer in front of the door. Bouncer that eyed you suspiciously, but didn’t say anything.
You followed Jaehyun up a narrow and dark staircase, each step up increasing the volume of the music, until a door opened to what looked like an actual rave. Indeed, a large dance floor covered most of the floor, and throbbing lights provided enough lighting for you to see the dancing mingling bodies. A bar stood on the other side of the dance floor, up a small flight of stairs, though it was hard to distinguish it, with the lights and the smoke that lingered in the air. Tables were pushed against the walls of the private club, with a couple of actual booths residing in one of the corners of the room.
A shot of electricity went through your blood at the sight, and you and Aera shared an ecstatic look, right as Jaehyun led you to the booth where he and his friends were waiting.
Maybe you had been stupid, to not realize that it meant you’d probably run into Jeon Jungkook, when you had first seen Jaehyun outside. Or maybe you had just been waiting for the moment he’d reappear into your life, as if the gravity between you was too strong for him to resist. And you were glad he had reappeared like that, without you having to do anything.
It gave you a weird sense of control. Even though he was sitting with a pretty girl next to him, lost in a conversation with her. Yet, as you neared the booth, Jungkook’s eyes slid to you, and his gaze stopped on you, taking you in. Drinking you in, looking you up and down until his eyes met yours with a knowing light.
Maybe you had no control whatsoever.
“This is Aera”, Minchae introduced your friend, before motioning to you. “And you already know Y/n.”
Jungkook’s eyes hadn’t moved from you, and a knowing smirk grew on his lips.
“Y/n”, he whispered, as if tasting your name in his mouth.
Even though you couldn’t hear him with the music in the club, seeing his lips move with the shape of your name had your blood turning hot in your veins.
You bowed your head, eyes never leaving his, even as you felt the girl’s gaze on you. It was a stranger’s gaze, and you didn’t care about her. Not when Jungkook had your whole focus.
“Nice to meet you”, Aera said, looking around the table. Stopping on Jungkook’s friends – Cha Eunwoo and Kim Mingyu – before skimming over the girl at Jungkook’s side. Only then did Aera look at you, with a malevolent glint in her eyes.
She had known Jungkook was there all along, hadn’t she? You met her gaze, eyes dipping to the smirk that was growing on her lips, and you both let out a small laugh. The kind of laughs only close friends could share, the ones that usually held a whole conversation.
It had everyone looking at you, including Minchae, though she was pretty used to you and Aera already. You didn’t acknowledge her, instead looking back towards Jungkook, as his two friends struggled to scooch out of the booth to hug you and Aera. Aera’s hands remained on Eunwoo for a little longer than needed, and you tucked that piece of information to the back of your mind.
You’d give her shit for it as soon as you got a moment alone.
“Didn’t expect to see you again”, Eunwoo said as he moved towards you. “Thank you, for the tattoo.”
You glanced at the spot on his arm, before looking up at his pretty features. “It was my pleasure. You guys were fun to tattoo, even though you were drunk.”
Eunwoo laughed. “That we were.” He motioned over his shoulder, in the general direction of Jungkook. “Jungkook-ah didn’t give you too much of a hard time?”
You tilted your head in confusion at the smirk that was on his lips when he finished his sentence. “Should he have?”
It was said flirtingly, somehow, with your eyes trailing to Jungkook. He met your gaze, wet his lips, and then turned his head towards the pretty girl by his side. She shone under his attention, the corners of her mouth moving upwards as she bashed her eyelashes. You didn’t know if she had done it on purpose, but you would have sneered at her hadn’t you been talking to Eunwoo.
Realizing you hadn’t been paying attention to his reply.
“Sorry, what was that?” you asked, focusing your attention back on him.
He chuckled, hands digging in the pockets of his pants. “I was saying he asked us to leave you alone.”
You had known it, somehow. Expected it, maybe, but hearing the confirmation felt like a small victory. You had been right – you had an effect on Jungkook too. And even though he was solely focused on the pretty girl next to him right now, you knew the night was young.
You had plenty of time to gravitate back in his orbit. Or him in yours, because you weren’t going to wait for him. Not when his attractive friends were all too ready to party with Aera, Minchae and you.
Especially not when you danced with Aera as she had her eyes set on Eunwoo, grinding on you, showing him just what he was missing. And when she tilted her head to the side, pretty neck exposed, you pressed a kiss on her skin, sucking it in just a little, before meeting Eunwoo’s gaze. You winked at him, challenging him to take your place.
You were pretty sure he was gulping, but it didn’t matter, because you were already pushing Aera towards him. Your job here was done. So, you turned towards Mingyu, as Minchae was dancing with Jaehyun already. Mingyu seemed startled under your attention, and you wondered if maybe he was too pure, for the kind of thoughts that lurked in your mind whenever you found yourself entranced by the music of a club. Whenever you found yourself entranced by the presence of Jeon Jungkook in your vicinity. And he was right there, in your line of sight. Still at the table, with the pretty girl, but you could tell she was losing his attention. Indeed, his eyes were on you, following your every move. You chose that moment to smirk, swaying your hips provocatively, before looking at Mingyu again.
Mingyu seemed to cower under the intensity in your gaze, even though it wasn’t directed at him. No, your blood was still very much boiling for Jungkook.
“You and your friends are always like that?” Mingyu asked innocently as you took a step closer to him, standing close enough for his voice to carry to your ears even with the loud music.
You shrugged. “Only with pretty boys.”
He shook his head, chuckling lightly. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“It was one.”
You shared a smile, though Mingyu seemed too shy, for you. As much as you liked to bring boys out of their shells, he wasn’t one you wanted to play with. He was a client even though your professional relationship was over now.
Unless he chose to come back to you for another tattoo, of course.
Before you could say something, a hand found its way to the small of your back. You smirked knowingly, as the smell of his cologne hit your nose.
“Having fun?” Jungkook asked, leaning close to speak in your ear.
Your eyes were still boring into Mingyu’s gaze when you replied, “Were you getting jealous?”
Mingyu laughed, looking between you and Jungkook. “I have to go to the bathroom.”
He was gone in an instant, but you kept looking at the spot where he had disappeared, refusing to look at Jungkook. You wouldn’t give in to him. After all, he was a client too.
“Well, you were putting on quite the show”, Jungkook replied, hot breath tickling the side of your face. “Y/n.”
Your name, said in that husky tone of his… it had your insides burning white hot.
“Weren’t you busy with…” you trailed off, because you had no idea what the girl’s name had been.
He chuckled manly. “Not when I have a chance to unveil the mystery.”
The hand on the small of your back hadn’t moved, and your focus zeroed in on it as he stroked your back gently, the sweet movement such a stark contrast with the sultriness in his tone that you glanced at him.
A mistake, because the galaxies his eyes held pulled you in their gravity, and this time you knew you wouldn’t be able to step back.
“Oh, maybe if you had dmed me you’d have a chance”, you said, voice low, as your eyes dipped to the piercing on his lip, right as his tongue played with it. You imagined playing with it yourself, as heat pooled between your legs.
How could someone have such a strong effect on you?
He cocked his head to the side, a dangerous look taking over his features as he too glanced at your lips. “I don’t chase girls.”
Was he offering you dominance in the silent battle between you two so easily?
“Then what are you doing here, Jeon Jungkook?”
You knew you had won and so did he. His eyes crinkled with amusement, stars swirling in their depths. “Had to save poor Mingyu, he looked terrified.”
“Oh, he’s a client, he had nothing to worry about.”
“Is that why you’re looking at me like that too?”
The question confused you slightly, threatening to make the victory fall in his camp. “Maybe I look at everyone like that.”
It was a lie. You knew you had never looked at anyone like you were looking at Jungkook, like he was an oasis in the middle of the desert.
Jungkook stepped closer, moving in front of you. You hadn’t realized how tall he was, compared to you, until he was standing right there in front of you, head tilting down to look at you.
“You’re a hungry one, aren’t you?”
“Is there something wrong with it?” you asked.
He chuckled, shaking his head. “No, it makes you easy to read.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, and the victory slipped out of your reach. “What?”
He wet his lips, let them spread into a smirk. “I know I just have to do this”, he said, one hand coming up to your face, thumb brushing your mouth, “to get you to reveal your secrets.”
Maybe you hadn’t lost after all. “In your dreams.”
And you grabbed his thumb, sucking on it gently, tongue playing with it for half a second before you pulled away, taking a step back from Jungkook.
“You won’t have me so easily, Jeon Jungkook.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “You’re really going to make me chase, aren’t you?”
You winked at him. “Isn’t it more fun like that?”
He seemed to ponder it for a time, as the tension between you became easier to deal with. Perhaps because you had put a little distance between you, and his gravity was lesser where you stood.
“I don’t know, Y/n, I don’t know”, he replied. He laughed again, as if in disbelief, his eyes moving down your frame before meeting your own again. “I hadn’t realized how small you were.”
You refused to admit to him you had thought the opposite of him, just a moment ago.
“Do you want a drink?” he offered.
It had you glance at Aera, who was grinding on Eunwoo now, and at Minchae, who danced with her forehead pressed against Jaehyun’s. Maybe you had been looking for salvation, because seeing them busy had a drop of cold sweat forming on your brow.
You couldn’t afford to be alone with Jungkook any longer, or else your body would win against your mind.
“As a client thanking you”, Jungkook quickly added, raising his hands as if to show he was harmless. “And I’ll let you have your little secrets.”
“You’d buy me a drink, without expecting anything in return?”
He shrugged. “I’m not going to ask anything of you, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
And you weren’t at all. Just knew the lava in your blood was going to melt you down if you kept looking at him. So, you looked away once again, this time meeting Aera’s gaze. She glanced between you two pointedly, before her eyes slid to Eunwoo as he said something in her ear.
You hadn’t needed anything more to know what she wanted to tell you, with those pretty big eyes of hers. Go with him. And maybe you were resisting for no other reasons than the fact that Jungkook was very much the type of guy you liked to toy with. Those men that loved themselves far too much, and thought the whole world loved them too.
To be fair, Jungkook was at the receiving end of a lot of love in this world. Far more than you would ever be.
“I like whiskey”, you told him.
He smirked, nodding appreciatively. “It’s a good thing I like it too.” His hand reached for yours, big hand wrapping around your small one, pulling you behind him as he headed towards the bar.
It felt strange, to be led by him, but you took advantage of that time to drop your gaze to his tattooed arm, once again drinking in the sight of the ink on his skin. As if you hadn’t had enough when he had been in your shop two weeks ago.
The tattoos were well done, if you were being honest. Set in his skin by an expert hand. They were different from your style – you were more of a fine or thin line tattoo artist, with a few exceptions along the way. Yet their style fit him well, making him seem manlier than his pretty doe eyes did, as he glanced at you over his shoulder.
Meeting his gaze then felt different, and you hated it. You rather preferred the lust to whatever it was that his gaze was painted with right now. So, you smirked, and his gaze darkened again, pulling you in its stars and galaxies.
You walked up the flight of stairs, heading towards the bar. People moved out of your way, as they recognized Jungkook. They looked at you curiously, but you knew they wouldn’t speak. Or maybe you just hoped they wouldn’t, because he was still firmly holding your hand.
“We’ll have two whiskeys”, he told the barmaid, before finally letting your hand go as he rested an elbow on the bar.
You stopped next to him, glancing once at him, before letting your gaze wander on the array of alcohol on the wall, illuminated by a red light in the ceiling. You knew his eyes were boring into your profile, but you stubbornly kept your gaze on the bottles.
He chuckled once again, and that more than anything had you glancing at him. “What’s funny?” you asked him.
“Nothing.” He shrugged, before grabbing one of the glasses the barmaid had put in front of you. He handed it to you, and you accepted it with a small bow of your head before taking a sip, turning your head away from him. It had his smirk widen into a grin.
“What?” you asked as you turned back towards him
“I’m older than you, am I not?”
Oh, he was good, wasn’t he?
“Maybe”, you replied. You winked at him as he took a sip of his own glass, his eyes not leaving yours.
“You don’t look all that young, so I’d say you’re 24?”
“And you’re what, 26?”
He nodded his head, before winking at you. “See, I told you you’re easy to read.”
You couldn’t help the small laugh you let out this time. “I didn’t even tell you if I really am 24.”
“Well I am 26.”
You nodded a little, taking a sip from your glass. This time, you didn’t look away from him, letting the alcohol roll on your tongue.
“No respect for your elders?”
In all truth, you were 26 too. In Korean age, that is. You didn’t tell it to Jungkook though, letting him connect the dots by himself. And it took him a moment, but his face soon enough lit up with understanding.
“You are 26 too, aren’t you?”
“Maybe I am”, you said, chuckling and he shook his head disapprovingly.
“This is going to become annoying, is it not?”
You cocked your head to the side innocently. “What is?”
“You, refusing to answer a question.” His eyes moved on your features, glancing down at the finger you moved on the rim of your glass.
“Yes, I am 26.”
He smiled, nudging you gently. “See, that wasn’t so hard.”
“Didn’t you say you weren’t going to ask me anything?” You pursed your lips, trying to keep a smirk in.
“A pain in the ass, really.”
His comment took you by surprise, and you burst out laughing. He joined in, seemingly relieved that you had found him funny. When your laughter subsided, you found yourself gazing into his eyes again. Losing your train of thought as he glanced down at your lips again, wetting his own, before running a hand through his hair.
It had you look at his hair, and at the way it almost fell in his eyes. Maybe if it was a tiny bit longer, he wouldn’t be able to look at you with such intensity. Maybe then, you wouldn’t find yourself craving for more, as the silence between you filled with tension again.
“What’s your favourite tattoo?” he asked, out of the blue.
You froze because you did have an answer to that question. One you weren’t willing to give him, and probably never would be.
“I love all of them”, you chose to say. “What’s yours?”
He glanced down at his arm, turning it so he could see the Bulletproof tattoo on his forearm. Your eyes hadn’t dropped to the art yet, and you didn’t miss the way confusion moved in his gaze, quickly followed by a darkness that had nothing to do with lust, before the emotion was gone.
It slapped you across the face. He had looked heartbroken, for half a beat. As if the tattoo held a bad memory – and as your eyes followed his, you could see that it was a cover-up.
You didn’t let the questions in your mind form on your lips, as he turned his arm the other way to show you a snake tattoo.
“I like this one”, he said. “I got it a couple of months ago.”
Your hand darted out between you, until your fingers grazed the skin of his tattoo, following the lines. “You like dark and thick tattoos, don’t you?”
“I do”, he said, and he took you by surprise as he added, “I know they aren’t your type”.
They really weren’t, and you were surprised he knew. “You have been stalking me, haven’t you?”
He shrugged. “I’d be lying if I said I haven’t taken a look at your Instagram.”
And yet he hadn’t dmed you. Perhaps he liked the chase more than he wanted to admit, when it was in his favour.
“Do you like fine line tattoos?” you asked him.
He met your gaze, finally looking up from the art on his arm. “I’d like to have one, if you’re the one that’s going to put it on my skin.”
So, the flirting was back. You tried not to let your mind wander to the darkness you had seen in his eyes – as if all the galaxies and stars had perished – and rather liked to tell yourself you succeeded.
“As I told you two weeks ago, you know where to find me.”
He drank from his whiskey, rolling it in his mouth before he swallowed. “Then I’ll have to come visit you soon.”
“My door is always open for you.”
He chuckled, as he watched you sip from your glass.
“You don’t drink fast, do you?”
“I like to enjoy my whiskey”, you said, shrugging your shoulders. “This one is a good one.”
He smirked. “I wouldn’t get something cheap for you.”
You rolled your eyes, though a playful smile moved on your lips. “Well then, thank you, Jeon Jungkook.”
You fell silent again, and you met the intensity that was simpering from his gaze once more. You didn’t shy away from it, not even as your mind wondered what the cause behind it was. If Jeon Jungkook gave himself away far too much because he was trying to forget something, or maybe to forget someone. To fuck them out of his system, like Aera had suggested you’d do.
You let him flirt, and flirted back without a single ounce of shame, even as he moved a little closer to you, one hand resting on your hip, as you pointed to where your own snake tattoo was. His thumb brushed the spot over the fabric, and it burned so hard you took in a sharp breath.
When he met your gaze, you could tell something had changed. And you weren’t sure if it was in you, or if it was in him, that the change had happened. Just that your mind was losing its battle.
“I thought you’d want to keep your tattoos a secret”, Jungkook murmured.
You were currently on your second glass of whiskey, and the rich peppery-oak alcohol was starting to numb your mind a little. Your mind and your inhibitions, it seemed.
“I only told you because you also have a snake tattoo”, you said.
He cocked an eyebrow. “I doubt yours looks like mine.”
It was an open door if you had ever seen one.
“Are you trying to get me to let you look at it?” you asked, tilting your head to the side.
He wet his lips, before shrugging his shoulders, though he remained silent. Just kept his heavy gaze on you; eyes brimming with gravity and stars, black holes and everything deep space holds. It pulled you in, ensnared you better than anything could have had. Better than his words could, better than the memory of his fingers on your hip could.
“Will you be nice and not touch, if I let you look at it?” you asked, voice dripping with lust.
It took even you by surprise, as his eyes trailed down to the spot you had indicated. It felt as if he was undressing you, and you only then realized how much you actually wanted him to do so.
Maybe Aera was right, and you just needed to fuck him out of your system.
“I won’t do anything you don’t ask me to do”, he replied, voice so low it sounded like a growl.
And his pretty big eyes were set in that same dangerous look, the one that held more black holes than stars, the one you couldn’t escape from. So, you took a step forward, brushed a hand on his bicep, before glancing up at his face. “Well then maybe we should find somewhere private.”
He nodded, a smirk spreading on his lips. “It’s a good thing I know just the place.”
“Then show me the way.” You finished your glass, holding out your hand for him to take. His eyes dropped to it, and you were surprised at the gentleness his fingers took on as they gently wrapped around your own. The touch was so light you barely even were sure it was there, as if he was afraid he’d crush your fingers if he held onto you.
Such a gentle touch, for the boy with galaxies in his eyes.
 *****
           “Where are you bringing me?” you asked, giggling a little as Jungkook pulled you behind him in the street, the orange glow of the streetlights painting the scene in a familiar tone.
It made you feel young, as if you were still a teenager, breaking rules you didn’t even know existed.
“We’re almost there”, Jungkook said, and he walked a little faster.
Your tiny legs had to break into a small jog to keep up with him, and you cursed at him under your breath.
“What if someone sees us?” you asked.
It was a useless question. The streets were completely empty, save for you, the man in front of you, and the crescent of the moon in the sky.
“Then I’m in for one hell of a scolding”, he replied truthfully. He chuckled, glancing over his shoulders. “Good thing we’re here.”
You looked around as he dropped your hand, moving towards the garage door to your left. Your brows creased in confusion, even more so as he pressed a code in next to the door, and it started sliding up.
“Where are we?” you asked, but Jungkook ignored your question as he fished keys out of his pocket to unlock the glass door that had appeared behind the garage one.
You caught sight of a drum lesson ad on the glass, though Jungkook grabbed your hand to pull you in before you could say anything.
The front room of the music studio was small, only illuminated by the neon lights outside. The tile floor reflected the light, just enough for you to see Jungkook was leading you towards a door in the back, one that had no windows whatsoever.
The next room was dark, save for the rectangle of light that came from outside. Jungkook seemed to know his way around, because you heard his feet scuffling on the floor as he made his way in, leaving you at the door. A few seconds later, the sound stopped, and fairy lights lit up.
It indeed was a music studio, with two complete sets of drums on each side of it, along with a few guitars on the wall. Fairy lights were hung up where the ceiling met the walls, circling the whole room, creating an atmosphere that was far more romantic than the posters that decorated the room – heavy metal groups, from the looks of it.
Except the single BTS one, white in the sea of darker ones, that had Jungkook’s autograph on it.
“I take drum lessons here”, Jungkook said, and you glanced at him, standing on the other side of the room.
His hands had found their way to his pockets, and he was looking at you with a curious look. He almost looked vulnerable, with those big doe eyes of his.
“Do you bring a lot of girls here?” you asked as you moved into the space, walking behind one of the drum sets to make your way to the BTS poster.
Jungkook chuckled, and once again it didn’t sound flirtatious at all. Just vulnerable, like he was afraid you’d judge him. “No, I don’t.”
That made you look at him, your gaze caressing his features until it landed on the lip piercing he was biting at.
“Don’t lie to me”, you whispered, and you looked away, because his eyes had lost their intensity, and he looked far too honest for your own good.
“I’m showing you a piece of me, because you said you’d show me a piece of you”, he said, shrugging his shoulders. As if it was normal for him to do something like that. It was so sweet it had you looking at him again. “Just trying to make you comfortable”, he finished.
You pondered for a time, lips pouting a little as your eyes lost their focus on the room around you. “What makes you think I’m not comfortable around you?”
He had a winning smirk on his lips when you looked at him again. “Because you keep squirming under my gaze?”
Jeon Jungkook definitely knew what he was doing. Showing a little bit of vulnerability, just to ensnare you further, until you were so tangled up in his web he could eat you alive. And although you usually were one to bite back, you found he was indeed right.
You were squirming under his gaze. And it rendered you speechless, as he took a step toward you. You didn’t let him finish crossing the distance between you, instead turning to look at the poster.
“It’s so out of place”, you said, motioning to it. Trying to switch the subject, which proved to be completely useless as Jungkook stopped behind you, far enough so he didn’t touch you, but close enough so you could feel him right there.
He was radiating a warmth that had your mind going into overdrive.
“Why is that?” he asked, and your breath hitched in your throat as he brushed your hair off from your shoulder, revealing your neck. He chuckled then, before leaning in to whisper in your ear. “Relax, I’m just trying to take a good look at your sun tattoo.”
You gulped, staying still as you assumed his eyes were roaming around the skin of your neck, landing on the tattoo. He chuckled, before making you turn around.
“I have a seven, in the exact same spot”, he told you, before turning his head to show you.
You couldn’t resist reaching up to trace your finger along the lines of the tattoo, ever so gently, and Jungkook stiffened under your touch, as if just that had been enough for lust to erupt inside of him.
Much like it had been enough for you too.
“For the seven members?” you asked, and your hand finally fell back at your side.
He nodded, and galaxies shone as he looked at you. “Yeah.”
Another silence, another beat of tension.
You were going insane.
“Are you going to show me your other tattoos, now?” he asked, right as his eyes dropped to your mouth. Staying there, as you bit at your lower lip.
It was a nervous habit of yours, but it seemed to do something to him.
“Here?”
He wet his lips, his tongue pushing on the inside of his cheek as his head tilted to the side. “It’s just us two.”
“What if someone comes in?”
He looked towards the studio door, and it seemed to take everything in him to decide to move. But he did, walking towards the door and closing it.
Locking it.
“I doubt someone would come here at this hour, but just to be sure”, he said, as he prowled towards you, taking his sweet time.
His eyes moved down to the side of your hip, boring through the fabric. You could feel their burning kiss over the snake on your skin, and you instinctively reached down, hiding the spot with your hand.
Not that it changed anything.
“You can’t touch”, you murmured.
And you were glad you were wearing a skirt, because watching his eyes following it as it inched upwards on your thighs had heat pooling between your legs.
“I promise I won’t”, he whispered, stopping so close to you you could feel his heat again.
You pulled your skirt all the way up, turning a little until he could see the snake. The snake and your lacy white thong, though most of you was still hidden.
He breathed in sharply, eyes looking down at you. You were so close you doubted he could have a good view, so you took a step back. It led to you leaning against the wall, as his galaxies drank you in.
“It suits you well”, he said, eyes moving up your frame until he met your gaze.
“You think so?” You cocked your head to the side, as he nodded. “Do you want to touch it?”
He smirked, shaking his head slightly. “You are dangerous.”
“So are you, Jeon Jungkook.”
“But I’m a client, am I not?”
Common sense couldn’t cut through the lust clouding your mind. “I touched your tattoos, it’s only fair you touch mine, no?”
He played with his piercing, eyes boring into yours, as you were still holding your skirt up. “What do you want me to touch you with?”
It was your turn to suck in a sharp breath. “You can start with your fingers.”
He nodded, and his tattooed hand reached out. His touch was light, as he followed the body of the snake, but it left a burning trail behind it. “Just my fingers?”
You were going to die tonight, you were pretty sure of it now.
“What else do you want to touch me with?”
He laughed, dangerously. “You’re the one in control, Y/n. What do you want me to do?”
It surprised you, that he let you have control. But maybe he was relinquishing it just to pull you into his gravity further, letting you think you had the advantage until you were stuck on his horizon, heading for the singularity at the middle of the universe in his eyes.
“What do you like to do, with your fingers?”
Burning. You were burning, and so was he, with his dark gaze filled with stars and galaxies. So much so that you thought you’d combust.
His fingers moved, ever so slowly, heading closer to the heat between your legs. “Do you want me to touch you there?” he asked, as his digits barely even grazed you above your panties.
Your panties were getting more soaked by the seconds, and your eyes fluttered close. “We shouldn’t.”
His hand moved away from you, and you wanted to curse him. Until he spoke. “We can just do it for fun, you know.”
You chuckled. “That never works out.”
“But it’s fun while it lasts.”
He was right. And you liked that fun too, the thrilling of giving your body while your heart stayed unavailable, and your mind stayed unreachable. But Jeon Jungkook was treacherous, with his gravity and stars: he had already invaded your mind.
“Touch me”, you breathed, and your eyelids fluttered open so you could see the emotions on his face. The lust and the desire and the passion. They had taken over him too.
“Just my fingers?” He cocked his head to the side, and it was almost arrogant, in a male way that did wonders to your already soaked pussy.
“You’re afraid you can’t get me off with just your fingers?” you asked, smirking as surprise moved on his features.
He hadn’t expected you to still have a bite in you, hadn’t he?
“Oh, I’m not worried”, he said, right as he pressed his thumb against your middle, right where your juice was already seeping through the fabric of your thong. “You’re already so wet.”
You tried to hold his gaze as his thumb moved up, pressing against your clit, but as soon as it reached the bundle of nerves, your eyes shut, and you rested your head against the wall.
He moved his thumb in slow circles, never pressing harder, teasing you with just enough sensitivity for your body to be craving more. It wasn’t enough to get you off at all, just enough to frustrate your pussy, and it clenched around nothing.
He played with you a little longer, and he was smirking when you finally found the strength to meet his gaze again.
“What are you doing?” you asked.
He shrugged. “Taking my time to unravel the mystery.”
He pressed harder then, and a breathy sound fell from your mouth.
“Stop teasing”, you warned him.
“Or what?”
You bit your lip in frustration. “Do you want me to touch you?”
“No”, he said. “I want to play with you.”
It was a red flag if you had ever seen one. Why then was red your favourite color?
“Play with me harder and faster”, you told him.
He obeyed, his other hand moving to pull your soaked panties to the side, before he pressed his thumb back on your clit. Your eyes shut again, and he slid his thumb between your lips, to collect your juices, before moving back up to your clit.
“Like that?” he asked, punctuating his question with a harder touch, and you let out another breathy sound. He chuckled, and stopped moving for a second. “You are so hot.”
And then, it was like something had clicked in his head. As if his galaxies had swallowed him whole too, and he had lost control of himself. Because he started moving in quick circles, with just the perfect pressure, and the hand that was holding your panties to the side started playing with your lips, until a long finger pushed inside of you, spreading your walls lightly.
He cursed then, a small word that made you clench around him, as his finger curled to find that perfect spot.
“You’re so fucking wet.”
It was true, you were drenched, pussy making squelching sounds as he started pumping in and out, adding another finger. You moaned, one of your hands moving to your breast, massaging it through your shirt and your bra, and your eyes slid open.
He had a feral look on his face, almost as if he was in pain, from just touching you with his fingers. But you liked the tease too, and as much as you knew his piercing would do wonders against you, you didn’t ask him for more.
Maybe you were more in control than you felt like you were, even though you were slowly unraveling, inching closer to your high.
The wet sounds between your legs were pornographic, as he picked up the pace, eyes locked with yours, until he slid his gaze down between your legs, where his hands were working on you.
“You’re so wet I’ve got juice dripping from my wrist”, he groaned, and you moaned louder as he added a third finger, stretching you open wide.
Your grip on your skirt faltered, and it fell on his arm, as he kept fingering you like his life depended on it. You were getting closer, pleasure building up in the pit of your stomach, and your eyes struggled to keep looking at him. He was watching you, studying your every move, searching for every little tell your body gave him. And it gave many, as your hand grabbed his wrist, nails digging in his skin.
He hissed, though he just started moving faster, as if he was still holding back.
He was going to be the death of you.
Your knees buckled, with the increase in speed, and Jungkook slowed down, looking between your eyes.
“Do you need to lie down?”
You didn’t reply, instead rocking your hips forward, fucking yourself on his fingers. He smirked, before pulling away, leaving you empty, with your juices dropping on the ground.
“Lie down”, he ordered, motioning towards the other side of the room.
It took a moment for your eyes to adjust, but you noticed a leather couch over there. You made a step towards it, but Jungkook grabbed your wrist, with the hand whose thumb had been playing with your clit. He then reached up with his other hand, fingers glistening with your juices grazing your lips.
Your tongue darted out, licking his fingers, until he pushed them in your mouth. You sucked on his digits, your tongue moving against the pads, eyes boring into his. Into the blackness of his eyes. It felt like you were free falling, and you reached between you, hand blindly aiming for the imprint of his dick.
He took a step back, pulling his fingers out of your mouth as he tutted. “I told you not to touch me, didn’t I?”
“Why?” you asked, unable to help yourself.
He shrugged, winking at you. “We need to keep some of the mystery alive.”
You wanted to roll your eyes at him, but then his hand fell to your breast, massaging it a little, much like you had been doing earlier.
“Don’t you have another tattoo?” he asked.
That one you weren’t ready to show him. At all. So you shrugged, a little like he just had, before heading to the couch. Sitting on it, eyes searching his gaze as he moved closer. The predator and its prey, stuck in their deathly dance.
“Do you want me to touch you with something else?” he asked.
You chuckled. “Still don’t believe you can get me off with just your fingers?”
Without any warning, Jungkook pulled on your ankles, until your ass was on the edge of the couch. He kneeled on the floor between your open legs, and his hands caressed the skin of your thighs as they moved up, inching closer to your heat again, pulling your skirt up.
“I know I can, I just want to make you feel good.”
He grabbed your panties, pulling them down your legs, moving to the side a little so he could get them off your right leg. He let them dangle from your left leg, as his eyes fell from your own gaze to your pussy.
“You are so fucking hot”, he said, and he wet his lips, as if he was a starved man and you, the last meal on Earth.
“You want to eat me out?” you asked.
He chuckled. “I won’t eat you out before I’ve even kissed you”, he said. “Besides, I want to see you come on my hands first.”
On that note, he pushed two fingers inside of you again, and your head threw back, resting against the couch.
“Fuck…” you cursed.
Another manly chuckle escaped him as he established a slower rhythm this time. He used his thumb to rub circles on your clit again, as his other hand pushed your legs open wider.
“So fucking wet…”
“Go faster”, you breathed.
He tutted again. “Nobody has ever taught you how to say please, mmh?”
Jeon Jungkook had a begging kink?
“Just fucking do it”, you growled, as the knot in your core tightened, refusing to uncoil.
His hand pulled out, and he slapped your pussy. The initial shock had you seeing stars, and you looked down at him, at him and the devilish look on his face.
“Be a good girl and ask nicely”, he said.
You bit down on your lip, almost enough to draw blood. He waited, looking at you pointedly as his digits hovered at your entrance, waiting for the word to dive in again.
“Please go faster”, you replied, in almost a whine, and the victorious smirk on his lips made you see stars again.
His fingers, too, as they pushed in and out once, before pumping in and out so quickly you couldn’t tell where one movement ended and the other began. The pleasure all blended in together, as his thumb moved back to work on your sensitive clit.
You moaned, clenching on his fingers and he growled, adding scissoring motions to the whole ordeal.
“I’m going to come”, you said, right as the knot built up again.
It was starting to uncoil when Jungkook said, “Come for me, pretty girl”.
And you did, with a high-pitched moan that rang in your ears as the first wave of your orgasm hit you, bringing you to a height you had never visited before. Your pussy pulsed around his fingers, and he slowed down to milk your orgasm out of you as the second wave crashed into you.
“Fuck”, you breathed, and one of your hands grabbed his wrist again, holding onto him as his fingers fucked into you.              
The third wave was a little lesser, though he kept moving, eyes following you through the waves of your pleasure. Until he stopped feeling you clenching. Then his thumb stopped moving, but his fingers stayed deep inside of you, still curling up, still playing with your g-spot.
“Have you ever squirted before?” he asked.
You met his gaze, gulping. “No guy has ever made me squirt”, you replied truthfully, your mind far too lust-filled for you to craft a flirty lie.
He pulled his fingers out of you to make you lie down on the couch, as you watched him through your heavy lids. He then put a knee on the couch, his other leg finding footing on the ground, before his tattooed hand moved between your legs again.
“Happy to oblige.”
Your eyes widened just a little as he dove right in, fingers curling up to meet your oversensitive g-spot. You cried out, and when you moved to reach between you two, Jungkook grabbed your hands and put them over your head, holding you in place.
You squirmed a little, but he just kept going, kept pushing against your g-spot, so quickly and hard that your eyes lost all their focus. Your legs started shaking, and you let out a string of broken moans. The squelching sound became louder, and you tried to close your thighs around his wrist, as if searching for more pressure.
“Let go when you want”, he breathed and you moaned in response, right as another knot tightened in your belly.
A completely different one, that ached just a little, and your eyes found his. Found his galaxies, and dove right in, swam right into their depths, until the knot exploded and you squirted, his fingers leaving your tight walls to circle your clit in a frenetic dance.
And as soon as you finished, he went right back in, pulling another orgasm out of you as if it was nothing. As if you were just playdough underneath his fingers. Maybe you were, and he was just shaping you up, until you resembled more of a mess than a living thing, as you kept moaning underneath him.
You lost count of how many times he made you come. Just knew that your mind was so blissed out you couldn’t really remember your name. All you knew were his fingers in you, and when they left you empty, your eyes fluttered open.
The lights looked different, with the ecstasy you were swimming in. His features were different too, as if he was changed, by the pleasure he had given you. The galaxies were still there, but they were gentler. Softer. Maybe because you had visited their depths already.
Or so you liked to tell yourself.
“Look at you, making a mess out of the leather couch”, he said, and it took a moment for his words to register. For you to prop yourself up on your elbows, and see the puddle between your legs.
“Holy fuck”, you muttered, falling back down as your arms gave out.
He laughed, and you watched as he scanned the room for something to clean the mess with. “I��ll be right back.”
He got up, moving out of the room, leaving you alone in that ocean of bliss you were floating in. And it felt better than anything you had ever felt – as if you had reached nirvana. You only hoped it would last.
“There you go”, he said as he came back, with paper towels he had probably fished from the bathroom. He had brought actual toilet paper too, and he handed that to you as he started cleaning the couch.
You slowly started cleaning yourself up. Your hands shook a little with the afterglow of ecstasy now that you were starting to come down.
“Holy fuck”, you said again, and Jungkook laughed.
He met your gaze, and his face was lit up from within, as if he had reached peak happiness. It was the strangest thing to see, after all the lust it had held a moment ago. As if making you come like that had been enough to get him off too.
“You liked that?”
You held his gaze, cocking an eyebrow. “Liked?” You laughed airily, shaking your head in disbelief. “What the hell was that?”
He shrugged, as if what he had just pulled out of you was the easiest thing he had ever done. “I made you squirt.”
You gave him a no-bullshit look.
“Had you never squirted before at all?” he enquired, curiosity taking over his features.
You slowly shook your head. “I came before, but I didn’t… not like that.”
His lips spread into a grin. “I’m glad I’m the first one.”
He looked cute, with that grin on his lips. It made his eyes crinkle at the corners, and his cheeks puff up just a little. It made the galaxies look like promises of uncharted territory, a territory you wanted to explore.
You pushed yourself up again, this time successfully sitting. “I’m pretty sure we ruined the couch”, you said, as your eyes looked at the spot Jungkook had just finished cleaning up.
“I’ll come back tomorrow with stuff to actually clean the leather”, he reassured you. “They are closed tomorrow, so no one will know.”
It hit you then, that he had just pulled out of you a dozen of the most mind-blowing orgasms you had ever had, all in the middle of a public space.
You would have been lying if you said it didn’t turn you on even more.
“Should we add your mess, then?” you asked.
 A hint of that same passion moved back into his eyes, and he breathed in sharply. It had you looking down at the erection that was pressing against his pants.
“I can make you feel good too.”
He was shaking his head slightly when you looked up. “Not tonight.”
You cocked your head to the side. “You don’t want me to touch you?”
“Oh, believe me, I do”, he said, chuckling a little. “But tonight was about you, and about making you comfortable.”
You would have asked why, had your heart not filled with a strange warmth at his words. You pushed the foreign feeling away, focusing on the lingering lust in you.
“I won’t give myself to you again”, you told him, wetting your lips. Trying to push out of the black holes he had ensnared you with. Trying to swim out of his galaxies, and return to your own body.
He laughed, and said in a knowing tone, “Of course you won’t, Y/n. Of course you won’t.”
Perhaps it was already too late for you.
 *****
                 Art had always been an escape for you. Body art, of all shapes and forms. When you were a kid, you used to draw on your body, until you discovered body paint. Then you did that for a while, until you had met Kim Soobin. Three years older than you, with a full sleeve of tattoos and a love for poetry, Soobin had been the first man you had ever loved. He had taught you how to tattoo, and had left his legacy on your skin, and on your heart.
Soobin had trained you, before you had opened your shop. Had brought in your first clients, speaking praises of you until you were the talk of the field, and people found themselves curious to find out who was that new talent. Soon enough, you didn’t need Soobin anymore, to make a name out of yourself, but you had kept him around.
Young love never lasts, but with him, it did. And sometimes, loving isn’t enough. The universe has different plans, and suddenly you take a side road, and you lose the thing that matters the most. That was what happened with Soobin – only he had been the one to take the side road. He had been the one driving in heavy rain, and he had been the one to die at the hands of a drunk truck driver.
Sometimes, you wondered if you’d still have him around, hadn’t it been for the few fractions of seconds that had led to the truck hitting his car head on. You liked to tell yourself that you would have, and that you’d be considering getting married.
Maybe that, most of all, rendered you completely unavailable for anyone else. And it was okay, it wasn’t like you were looking. You rather enjoyed your temporary connections, and the freedom that it allowed you.
You sighed, pushing your hair behind your ear. Your evening client hadn’t shown up, which had led to you deciding to play with some body paint, trying to figure out what your next tattoo could be. And though you already had a dagger tattooed on your ribs, you found yourself painting one on your thigh, but this time it was made of night and stars.
Perhaps Jeon Jungkook’s effect on you was lasting longer than you had expected it would.
You startled as your phone started ringing, Aera’s name lighting up the screen. You looked down at your paint-covered fingers, before looking at your phone again. Letting it ring until it fell into silence. And as silence filled the air around you again, you focused on your thigh once more. Fell back into the galaxies, and the memories that they held.
No man had ever made you feel as good as Jungkook had. Not even Soobin. And Jungkook had been sweet about it. You had expected him to be cocky, after the whole ordeal, but he had offered you a drink of water. Had asked you if you wanted to eat something, or if you preferred going home. When you had chosen the latter, he had smiled sweetly, before calling you a taxi. He hadn’t talked about seeing you again, and hadn’t contacted you after that.
Maybe that, more than anything, was the reason why you were painting stars and galaxies on your skin right now.
You scoffed, looking up from your thigh, your eyes darting to the vitrine of your shop, and to the street behind it. It was raining heavily, dark clouds looming low on the horizon, and really you felt like going home. Going home and cozying up into a soft blanket, but you didn’t like the rain.
Didn’t want to step out and think about Soobin.
It was a good thing you had a bedroll, in your office. A good thing indeed.
You pushed yourself up, wincing as you left a trail of fingerprints on the floor where you had been sitting. It was nothing you couldn’t clean with water, but it still annoyed you: you liked your shop pristine, no matter if clients were going to show up or not.
You were halfway to the bathroom when the bells of the door cut through the silence, and you stopped, your eyes sliding to the man walking in.
There really was no escaping galaxies, uh?
“Hi”, a very wet Jungkook said, as he shook his hair of the rain. Droplets fell all around him, and it took a moment for his eyes to meet yours. And then they dipped to your legs, and to the body paint on your thigh. A smirk met his lips at the sight of it, and then he looked up again. “What are you doing?”
You were lucky you had chosen to wear a skirt to work – with a weird twist of fate, it was that same skirt you had been wearing the last time you had seen Jungkook – because the skirt hid the top half of your art, the one with the galaxies.
The one you had painted first.
“Body painting”, you replied, cocking an eyebrow. “What else does it look like I’m doing?”
He laughed a sweet laugh that had his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Nothing.” He looked around your shop, as if curious to see if it had changed.
It hadn’t. The only thing that had changed was between you. It was the fact that he had made you squirt like he had, that night a week and a half ago.
“What are you doing here?” you asked, and your eyes followed his hands as they moved to his hair, pushing the wet locks back. It made his biceps pop out a little, and you clenched your teeth at the attraction it pulled out of you.
He shrugged, looking down at the puddle that was forming at his feet. “Sorry for wetting the floor like that.”
“No worries”, you said. You waited for his next words, head tilting to the side, as he met your gaze again.
“I was thinking about getting a new tattoo”, he explained. “Thought you’d be the right person to go to for that.”
A small parallel to the night he had walked in with his friends, it seemed.
“You need to start scheduling appointments”, you reprimanded him, before looking down at yourself. “Let me get cleaned up first.”
He nodded, hands digging in the pockets of his black joggers. And maybe you were stupid, for thinking that Jungkook was a mature man, because when you walked back out of the bathroom, he had paint all over his hands too.
“Oh Gosh”, you let out, and he looked at you from the spot where he was kneeling, sitting back on his heels.
His face took on a startled expression, before he let out a laugh. “Couldn’t help myself. I’ve never used body paint before.”
Something knocked at the back of your mind, but you tried to lock it up: you wouldn’t get horny about Jeon Jungkook painting on you in your tattoo shop.
“You’re worse than a child”, you grumbled as you walked towards him. “You’re going to make a mess.”
He shrugged sheepishly. “I’ll clean up if I do.”
You stopped next to him, cocking an eyebrow. “Will you?”
Now, his face fell into a knowing smirk. “I think you’d be the one to know that I clean up after making a mess.”
You remained silent, as you pursed your lips. As his words left a trail of goosebumps on your skin, that went right down to your core. That ignited a fire there again.
You had tried touching yourself like he had touched you, but there was nothing like those damn fingers of his.
“You don’t talk to me for a week and a half, and then you just come back like that?” you asked, still looking down.
You felt tall, for a moment, and towering over him was way too sweet, for your challenged-filled heart. It gave you even more confidence than you naturally had.
“Would you have liked for me to talk to you?”
You held his inquisitive gaze, doing your best not to let your eyes dip to the lips he wet. “You are hard to follow, Jeon Jungkook.”
He shrugged, before reaching between you. Painting a line on the side of your calf.
“I thought you liked enigmas.”
You gulped, as his hand moved up. You let it reach your thigh before you swatted it away.
“Not when they’re a ghost in my life except when they get horny”, you said, voice low, as you let your gaze fill with the feelings his fingers on your skin had raised in you.
His smirk only widened. “Then good thing I’m here to talk to you about something.”
And before you could say anything else, Jungkook grabbed the back of your legs, making you fall on top of him. You yelped, catching yourself on his shoulders as you ended up straddling him.
“What the fuck, Jeon?” you growled, trying to push yourself away from him. His hands that were holding your legs slid up, under your skirt, until they were resting right below your ass. “That hurt.”
And it had, the shock of your knees on the hardwood floor sending a shot of pain up your spine. You’d definitely have bruises tomorrow.
“I’m sorry”, he said, eyes widening.
That caught your attention. From up close, his eyes held more light than they usually did, as if the galaxies were bigger, closer. And maybe they were, and maybe their gravity was twice as strong, because you found yourself leaning in. Jumping back in his eyes without even an ounce of hesitation.
After all, you were a sucker for outer space.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
It shook you out of your stare, and you pulled at some dry skin on your bottom lip. “I’ll be fine.” You paused, exhaling deeply as your eyes dipped to the piercing he was playing with. “What do you want?”
He smiled then. He was the kind of person who smiled with their eyes first, until their happiness took over the whole of their features, even warming up the space around them.
It made him really hard to look away from.
“I was thinking we could start hanging out more”, he said, looking between your two eyes.
As if he was searching for answers he hadn’t even asked questions about.
“You don’t text me at all and then you think about us hanging out?”
“I’ve been thinking about you.” He chuckled, head cocking to the side. “And I don’t text anyone, ask my friends.”
You stayed silent, trying to determine if there was truth in his eyes. It was hard to tell, with all the stars and galaxies. And you would be damned if you admitted to him you had been thinking about him too.
“Why do you want to hang out with me?”
The question hung heavily in the air between you two. It made his face fall a lot more serious, a lot more dangerous, as he pursed his lips, a crease appearing between his eyebrows. As if you were making him think really hard.
You hoped it was a good sign.
“Do I need to have a reason?” he asked.
Maybe he didn’t really. Maybe you just didn’t trust him at all, with how he made your body react.
“You just want to fuck around”, you stated, because really there was no other reasons you could see.
He shrugged again. “Maybe. But I want it to be with you.”
“Why me?”
He thought for a long time again, and you watched the emotions that moved in his gaze as he did so. And there were a lot of them. Jeon Jungkook was an open book, when you were sitting in his lap.
“I don’t know, you’re really attractive.” He chuckled, shaking his head a little. “You’ve been on my mind since that… night.” His eyes dipped to your lips. “I guess I want more of you.”
It made heat pool between your legs, to have Jeon Jungkook admit he wanted you. So much so that you found your resistance dwindling away.
“I don’t usually have sex with people more than once”, you told him, awaiting his reply with your head cocked to the side.
He wet his lips. “Me neither. But we haven’t had sex, have we?”
It was your turn to search the galaxies in his eyes for an answer to a question you didn’t know. Because you wanted him, hadn’t fucked him out of your system yet. No, he had still been very much so haunting you every night, even more now that you knew just how good he could make you feel. And what would be wrong about having casual sex with him?
You knew he’d always make you feel good.
“You can say no if you don’t want to”, he said as you stayed silent. “I thought I’d ask...”
“What’s in it for me, if I say yes?”
He smirked then, as you gave him the advantage.
You always did, didn’t you?
“Didn’t I make you feel good, that night?” he asked. You nodded, eyelids feeling suddenly heavy with lust at the reminder. “If you’re a good girl, I can make you feel good like that again.”
You tutted, pushing his shoulders back a little. It was awkward, with the position, but he let you lead him until he was lying on the floor, with you on top of him.
“Maybe if you’re a good boy I’ll let you touch me again.”
You breathed the words against his lips, before grabbing his hands and putting them over his head. Glancing at his painted fingertips, you let out a sigh.
“I’m pretty sure you’ve ruined my skirt now.”
He gulped, eyes half shut. “I’ll buy you a new one.”
You pressed a small kiss to the corner of his lips and his eyes fell all the way shut. It severed the connection to the galaxies, and brought you right back to reality. Brought you right back to the fact that you didn’t do relationships like that, because it was a betrayal, to how you truly felt inside.
Soobin still occupied too much of your heart, for you to be willing to risk letting someone else in.
But casual sex… it didn’t mean falling in love. It meant trusting someone enough to let them make you feel good, repeatedly, as you made them feel good too. The thought of it was thrilling, even if Jungkook had just barely hinted at it.
And maybe you had always liked a little risk.
“What do you like, Jeon Jungkook?” you asked as you moved to his neck.
You nibbled at the spot beneath his ear, nose grazing his earrings.
“I like to be in control”, he whispered, and it made you freeze for a moment. Because so did you.
“Then how is it going to work?” you asked. “I like it too.”
He chuckled, a deep sound that reverberated through his chest. “Well, I can let you have some control once in a while.”
You nodded, before sitting up, until your core was pressed against his dick, even though he wasn’t really hard yet. His eyes fluttered open, and their gravity pulled you in once again.
“We should establish rules”, you said, voice low and sultry, as you rolled your hips.
“Yeah”, he breathed. He sat up quickly, hands finding their way back under your skirt. Right on your ass, and he made you grind on him again. “We should see each other at least once a week.”
Were you really going to do this?
“You’ll have to text me, if you want to see me that often”, you murmured, eyes fluttering closed as he pushed into you, just a little, the friction hitting your clit.
“I can do that.” It was said like a promise, that he breathed against your lips as he leaned his forehead against yours. “If we sleep with someone else, we have to use protection.”
It was your turn to roll your hips. “You don’t want to use protection with me?”
“I want to feel every inch of your tight little pussy against me.”
You gulped then, as you started feeling wetness pooling between your legs, soaking your panties. “Good thing I take the pill.”
He chuckled. “That was my next rule.”
“Nu-uh”, you said, shaking your head a little. “It’s my turn to make a rule, isn’t it?”
He remained obediently silent.
“You can’t show up at my work”, you said.
The sound he made resembled a small whine, as you grinded on him again.
“But that’s fun”, he said.
One of your hands got lost in his wet curls, and you pulled at them a little, until his forehead didn’t touch yours anymore. “You like a little bit of exhibitionism?”
You asked the question innocently, batting your eyelashes.
“If you’re comfortable with it”, he replied, meeting your gaze with his own intensity.
His eyes had been taken over by black holes, and you felt yourself falling further in.
“If you let me be in control once in a while, I can do a little bit of public space fun.”
He leaned forward, grabbing your bottom lip between his teeth. He sucked on it, and you let out a breathy sound as he let go of it.
“Consider it done.” He made you grind on him again, and your eyes shut at the feeling of his bulge against you.
He wasn’t hard yet, but he definitely was halfway there. And by the feel of the bulge in his sweats, you knew Jeon Jungkook packed a lot more than you had thought.
Perhaps there was a reason behind his confidence other than that of being a renowned idol.
“No feelings”, he said then. It made you laugh, because this whole ordeal was stupid.
You were making a deal with the devil.
“No feelings”, you agreed. “You’re lucky I don’t fall in love.”
“Neither do I.”
You kissed him then, pulling him closer as you grinded into him, moaning as his tongue met yours. And when you pulled away, you smirked.
“No kissing.”
His eyes widened, and he stilled for a moment. “Then why did you just kiss me?”
“You said you didn’t want to eat me out before kissing me.” You winked at him. “Now you can.”
He let out a laugh, that contrasted deeply with the heated atmosphere that had taken over the shop. It had you look away, glancing at the door. The unlocked door, through which anyone could come in. Your eyes skimmed over the vitrine too, and you knew people could see you, if they were to turn their head as they’d walk past.
As much as it seemed to turn Jungkook on, you weren’t willing to risk your reputation as a tattoo artist for him. You doubted he’d like destroying his own reputation too.
“Let’s go in my office”, you said.
He leaned his forehead against yours, hands sliding from your ass to your thighs. “Don’t you have other rules in mind?”
You only had one: let’s not do it and forget you ever asked. But the smell of his expensive cologne and the warmth of his body so close to yours rendered your mind completely useless. That, and the fact that you were swimming in galaxies now.
“Do you?”
“Let’s make it strictly business”, he said, looking right into your eyes.
There was a vulnerability in his gaze then. It reminded you of the cover-up tattoo, and of the heartbreak that had visited his gaze for a moment, that night.
Jeon Jungkook looked afraid, under the intensity in your gaze.
“I agree”, you whispered.
And maybe you only agreed because you were afraid too.
He smiled, winking at you. “Then let’s head to your office. I’ve been starving for a taste of you.”
You chuckled, before standing. “In your dreams, Jeon Jungkook.”
He followed you up. “Oh, I’m about to make my dreams come to life.”
The wetness between your legs was almost aching, just from his words. Just from the perspective of what you were going to do with him. What you knew he could do to you, with just his fingers.
“Not tonight.” You winked at him, before turning away and walking to the door leading to your office. He followed you, lazily, and you let your hips sway just a little more than necessary – something told you Jeon Jungkook was an ass man. “Not tonight”, you repeated as you walked in the office, letting him come in before shutting the door behind you.
He made to trap you between the door and him, but you stepped to the side. “Why?”
“I’m going to suck your dick”, you answered, and his eyes widened.
“Straight to the point”, he commented, letting out a small laugh.
“You asked for it to be business.” You winked at him, before getting on your knees, eyes never leaving his. He looked down at you, teeth playing with his piercing, as his gaze turned dark, galaxies swallowed whole by the black holes.
“That I did”, he said, voice low, as one of your hands wandered from his waist to his dick.
He was still a little soft, but his cock sat heavily in your hands, even with the joggers and underwear between you and his skin.
“How do you like it?” you asked.
He shrugged. “Show me what you’ve got first.”
You bit on his length, a little harder than necessary, before starting to massage it. “I like it rough”, you said, teeth digging in your bottom lip as you grabbed his dick a little harder.
He thrusted forward, just a little, as if by instinct.
“I know”, he breathed. “Your eyes have been begging me to fuck you senseless ever since I met you.”
You smirked. “But not tonight.”
“Not tonight”, he echoed, right as you undid the knot that was holding his joggers up, before pulling them down. Leaving them to pool around his ankles, as your eyes trailed back to the imprint of his dick.
His underwear was dark grey, and you could see a darker spot at the end of his dick, where precum had already soaked through the material.
“Look at you”, you said, tongue darting to taste him through the fabric. “Your dick is leaking for me.”
“Do something about it.” His voice was low, husky, and there was a warning hidden behind his words.
It only made you want to tease him more. So you left a trail of soft kisses all along his dick, before pressing a kiss to his balls. He watched you carefully, his breathing a little loud in the small space of your office – the room was shaped like a cube, with a small desk against one of the walls taking most of the space. Your bedroll was next to it, already ready for the night.
You knew you’d need it now.
“I want to take my time tasting you”, you breathed, and you ran your hands up his muscular thighs.
It made you wonder what it would feel like, to grind on one of them – you’d definitely need to do that later.
“Just suck my dick, Y/n.”
His brows were knitted as if he was annoyed and you looked back at him, cocking an eyebrow. “Or what?”
It took him a while to reply. “Or I won’t make you come after this.”
You tutted, shaking your head no. “You won’t make me come either way.” You let your hands wander up, until they reached the band of his underwear. Your thumbs dug in and you started pulling the boxers down, eyes never leaving his.
Not even as his cock was freed, resting so close to your face. No, you only looked at it once his underwear was all the way down, and your eyes slowly slid from his to the dick in front of you.
He was big, and prettier than you had thought he’d be. With a large vein moving from base to top, and a red head that looked about to burst. Precum was leaking from the slit and you leaned forward, lightly lapping up his salty juice. He once again thrusted forward, as if trying to fuck your mouth already, and you leaned back to sit on your heels, right hand coming back up to wrap around the base of his dick.
“What do you think you’re doing?” you asked, as you started to slowly move up his shaft, with a light pressure that had to be infuriating more than anything.
“Trying to get some friction”, he said, and there was a strain to his voice. As if seeing his cock sitting prettily next to your face was almost enough to push him over the edge.
“That won’t do”, you reprimanded him. “You just need to ask nicely.”
It was said teasingly, but it only seemed to frustrate him more.
“Aish”, he cursed. “I’m really close to not letting you suck me at all.”
You narrowed your eyes, throwing daggers at him. “So you don’t like when I tease, mmh?”
You leaned forward, tongue pressing on his frenulum as you kept jerking him off slowly, up and down.
“I told you I like to be in control”, he said, and he threw his head back as you sucked on his head, rolling circles on the sensitive spot your tongue had already found.
You bobbed your head forward once, hollowing your cheeks, before releasing his dick in a satisfying pop. “If you ask nicely, I’ll let you fuck my mouth.”
“Let me fuck your mouth”, he commanded.
You took his cock in your mouth again, pushing all the way in until he hit the back of your throat, using your hand to jerk the part that couldn’t get in your mouth from the angle. Your eyes shut as he pushed forward, and you held in the gag reflex.
“Is it so hard to say please?” you asked as you pulled away.
You licked a long stripe from the base of his dick up to his head, before rolling your tongue around him as your eyes met his.
“Please let me fuck your mouth.”
“Soon”, you teased, before moving your lips down his dick, until they reached his balls.
You sucked one in, hand jerking him faster as you held the darkness in his eyes. He grunted, one of his hands moving to tangle in your hair.
“Fuck.”
His little curse word made your pussy ache, and you let go of his ball. “Now you can fuck my mouth”, you said, spitting on the head of his dick to use your drool to lubricate it.
“Suck me a little longer”, he asked. When you remained unmoving, save from your hand on him, he added, “Please.”
“Such a good boy”, you praised him, before giving in to his request, taking him in your mouth again.
You really started working then, bobbing your head as you sucked on him, using your tongue to follow the vein in his dick and play with his frenulum. It had his dick harden in your mouth, as he let out a string of filthy curses, along with praises for you. It took you by surprise, to hear him praise you like he did, but only encouraged you further, until you were gagging on his dick as your throat tried to swallow him.
“Fuck, Y/n”, he grunted. “You’re being so good.”
“All for you”, you murmured as you pulled away, just to catch a little breath, before diving in again. Your left hand moved up until it grabbed his balls, and you started massaging him at the same time.
His eyes had fallen shut, but when he met your gaze again, you knew your teasing was over.
“I’m going to fuck your mouth now, yeah?” he said.
You pulled away to nod your head, before opening your mouth wide for him. He grabbed your cheeks, touch ever so gentle even with the act he was doing, before sliding in. All the way until he hit the back of your throat and you gagged around him.
“You’re so pretty with my cock in your dirty mouth”, he praised. He pulled almost all the way out before pushing forward again. “So fucking pretty.”
You rested your hands on his thighs again, feeling his muscles underneath your fingers, as he started moving a little faster, establishing a gentle rhythm for you. It was unexpected, as you’d thought he’d fuck your mouth hard right away.
Maybe Jeon Jungkook had a world of galaxies in his eyes, but he held a lot more softness than one could think.
“If I hurt you, just tap on the side of my leg”, he told you. “That okay?”
He pulled out for you to speak. “Yeah”, you breathed, before taking him in your mouth again.
Or maybe he had just been saving the best for last. Because the rhythm he established now was unforgiving. He grabbed your hair into a ponytail, keeping you from pulling away, and fucked your mouth like it was the last day on Earth. Each time, the head of his dick hit the back of your throat, making you gag a little until your eyes were filled with tears, and drool was rolling down your chin.
Jeon Jungkook wasn’t the kind of man that was embarrassed to moan. Because he moaned, as he fucked your mouth, pretty low sounds reaching your ears like a song as he blurred behind the tears in your eyes.
You gagged as he hit the back of your mouth once more, and his eyes fell to you. He slowed down, wiping the tears on your cheeks until he had cleared up in front of you.
“Am I hurting you?”
You shook your head a little, pressing your tongue flat against his dick as he pulled out. He pushed back in, slowly once more, and your hand went back to his balls. He hissed as you started massaging them again. From the way your fingers were placed, your index could reach farther, and you pushed on his perineum, before starting to rub circles on it.
He stilled in your mouth, letting out a loud curse word. “You’re going to make me come if you do that.”
He pulled your hair until his dick was out of your mouth and you immediately reached forward to jerk him off again.
“Maybe that’s the goal”, you said with a scrapy voice.
He wet his lips, biting at the bottom one. “You want me to come in your throat?”
“Unless you prefer coming somewhere else”, you said as you picked up the pace, tilting your head back.
He cocked his head to the side, letting out a moan as you used your thumb to play with his frenulum again. “I’d rather you swallow every drop of my juice.”
You smirked then, before licking his head clean of the new precum on the slit. “Then fuck my mouth until you come, Jeon Jungkook.”
You said his full name, intimately. If you were in his head, you’d know it was driving him crazy, and that he wanted more. More of you, and it scared him shitless. Had been scaring him shitless since he had first seen you in this tattoo shop a few weeks ago.
It made him start fucking your mouth again, to chase the vulnerability away.
You moaned around his cock, as he began hitting the back of your throat once more, and your vision quickly went blurry again. You pressed your tongue flat against him, hollowing your cheeks as you sucked, all the while keeping your ministrations on his balls and perineum. Right when you thought you couldn’t take it anymore, with all the drool dripping from your chin, Jungkook let out a loud moan, pushing all the way to the back of your mouth as he came, hot juice sliding right into your throat as he held your head there, even as you gagged.
You swallowed Jungkook’s seed, blinking back tears as he remained in the back of your throat until he was fully empty, before pulling away, He immediately wiped your cheeks of the new tears, before gently running a hand through your hair.
“Are you okay?” he asked, gazing down at you with an emotion you couldn’t quite decipher.
You breathed in raggedly, swallowing down the rest of his seed, before wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. “You’re unleashed.”
He chuckled, shrugging his shoulders. “You told me to fuck your mouth.”
“You didn’t disappoint”, you said as you smirked, licking your lips clean.
He looked around, as if he didn’t know where he was anymore. His eyes zeroed in on your bedroll, and he met your gaze with knitted brows. “Do you sleep here?”
You pushed yourself up until you were standing, flattening your skirt.
“Sometimes, but I rarely do.”
There was concern, in the galaxies in his eyes. “You shouldn’t do that.”
You tried to hold his gaze, but found you were too much of a coward for that. Especially as your pussy was still dripping in your panties, and it was hard to focus on something else.
“Don’t worry about it”, you reassured him. “It’s mostly when I finish a client late and have another one in the morning.”
He nodded, before looking down at himself. He then laughed, before bending down to pull his pants back up. “What am I doing butt-naked talking to you like that?”
You echoed his own laugh with an airy one that had him gaze at you with those big doe eyes of his. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you suddenly felt very shy.
A rare occurrence for you.
“So”, you let out.
He looked around once again, folding his arms on his chest. “So”, he echoed.
You took a step towards him, grabbing the hem of his shirt, before pulling the part that was stuck in his joggers out. He watched you carefully once again, smiling softly when you met his gaze.
“Thank you”, he breathed.
You were ensnared by the gravity in his eyes, damn you, and all you wanted was to push him back until his back hit the wall and dive right back in. You doubted he wanted that too.
“For sucking your dick?”
He chuckled, shaking his head a little. “Among other things, yes.”
You smiled, scanning his features before your eyes fell to the place where your hands still held onto his shirt. You let it go, and made to take a step back. He grabbed your arm before you could move away, and you looked up at him, startled.
“I want to taste you”, he said.
But his eyes weren’t dark with black holes anymore. They were just swirling with galaxies and you found that, more than anything, to be too dangerous for you.
“I told you not tonight”, you reminded him as the corners of your lips tugged upwards.
He fake-glared at you, before letting your arm go. “Alright then, I guess I’ll have to come again?”
It was a question more than a statement, and you tilted your head to the side as you searched for an answer. “What if we meet up elsewhere, next time?”
He was smiling knowingly once he spoke again. “I would like that.”
 *****
                 The weeks after you made your deal with the devil passed in a blur, a blur of waiting to see Jungkook again, and wanting to never see him again. He was frustrating, in more ways than you could ever admit. Because if there was a thing that was true about Jungkook, it was that he was good at after care. More so than you had ever been, as you had always been one to run after the act. But Jungkook made you stay, after he fucked you senseless, and only let you go once the afterglow of your acts had passed.
But you never stayed the night.
You were surprised he managed to find time for you, in his busy schedule. Even more so surprised about just how good he fucked you even when he was tired, as if your pussy energized him.
Maybe it did, the same way sleeping with him made your hands steadier in the following days, even if you had never been one to have shaky hands. Jungkook’s effect on your life showed, in every little aspect.
Aera had known that Jungkook was going to come to your tattoo shop, that time you had made your deal. She had called to warn you, but since you hadn’t picked up, the warning had gone to voicemail, only for you to listen to it once you were tucked in your bedroll, long after Jungkook had left.
Long after you had promised you weren’t going to sleep at the shop.
Aera and Eunwoo had started dating, after the party where she had met him. And apparently, Jungkook had told them about his plans to come visit you, right before he was to go. And after that, you had started hanging out with them more, since Aera wanted to bring Eunwoo everywhere.
You didn’t want to admit it, but you were a little disappointed that Jungkook never tagged along, even if Eunwoo invited him each time. But the deal you had made was strictly business – it didn’t matter that Jungkook had insisted on cooking you a meal before you had left the last time.
Didn’t matter that you caught him staring way too often, when you hung out. Because it hadn’t taken long, for your hang outs to turn into more than just sex. Yes, there was always some sexual activity, but he always found reasons for you to stay longer. Because most of the time you went to his place, not really feeling like inviting him over to your parents’ house. Indeed, you still lived with your parents even if you barely saw them, with your night-oriented schedule.
Jungkook was a friendly person. With a softness to him, once you got over the overall physical attraction. Always ready to smile and laugh, and make fun of you if you did something he found funny. His laugh warmed a place in you that you had thought to be dead, after Soobin. A place none of your friends had been able to reach. And Aera had tried, bless her, but she couldn’t fuck you like Jungkook could.
Mostly, you appreciated your moments with Jungkook. They were little slices of life you had come to cherish, for all their rarity. Because he had indeed stuck to his once-a-week idea, even after you had gone to his studio and he had bent you over to fuck you while making you listen to the songs he was recording.
It felt as if he was taking a step forward, only to take three steps back each time. And you didn’t blame him, because with every moment you spent with him, a little more wariness arose in you. Red flags were common around Jungkook – hell, he only wanted to hang out with you when he was horny. And he barely even texted you, even if he had said he would. Not that you minded, he fucked you well enough for you not to mind the silence he held most of the time.
It wasn’t like you weren’t full of red flags either. Each time he got a little too close, you took a step back, claiming you had to leave or inventing an excuse. You didn’t know if he noticed, and really hoped he didn’t: you didn’t want him to wonder about the reasons you were fleeing.
On the anniversary of Soobin’s death, somewhere at the end of July, you found yourself visiting his grave, like you had done each year since he had left. In all truth, you had gone a lot the first year, until you had realized you needed some distance to heal your heart.
You doubted you had really healed it.
Soobin had been the love of your life. Or so you thought because you had never been able to open up to anyone else after him. Had kept the secret behind the dagger and rose on your ribs, even with Jungkook, because you had never wanted to give that piece of you away.
To give Soobin away. And it was strange, really. You had realized, after the first few months of people talking about him without you even wanting to, that keeping silent made it easier. As if the more you spoke about him, the less he was real. As if he had just been an invention of some dark corner of your heart, and that he had never walked this Earth.
And maybe that, most of all, was the reason why you never mentioned him. Jungkook had asked, once, what the tattoo on your ribs meant. You had climbed on top of him, wrapped a hand around his throat, and fucked yourself on him until his eyes had lost their inquisitive light, until he had grabbed your hips to fuck into you too.
That had been the closest you had come to open up to him. It had been two weeks ago, and he hadn’t mentioned it again after that. And maybe you had closed yourself further, leaving quicker than you usually did. But he hadn’t said anything, not even when you had hung out the next time, fucking in his car in a public parking.
Jungkook really did like doing it in public spaces.
You chased the memory away. Because it was wrong to have Jungkook invade your mind now, as you were walking towards Soobin’s grave.
The familiar black marble of the tombstone appeared and your steps faltered a little as you finished crossing the distance. You stopped in front of the grave, bending down to put the bouquet of white roses next to it.
White roses, because they were the only flowers he had ever bought for you. Because he had said they reminded him of you, with the purity of their petals, and the sweet fragrance they held. That was, until he had tattooed you and started making jokes about the fact your petals had been spoiled. He had written poems about it, too, that you still kept hidden in the bottom drawer of your dresser, at your parents’ place.
You straightened, eyes skimming over the inscription on the tomb. They barely even registered in your mind anymore, as if your brain refused to accept the finality of them. Refused to see the -2019 that was written on there, as if you still couldn’t quite accept that Kim Soobin’s existence had ended in this world. And maybe there was another world out there, another universe in which he existed, but it was hard to accept that he was gone from yours.
You sighed, heavily, before sitting down. You never prayed – praying had been useless, the night you had spent in the hospital hoping he’d make it. You just sat down, and thought about the things you would like to tell him.
You will never guess how many celebrities have started coming to my shop. You’d be so proud.
You smiled, fondly, as you imagined him. Smiling as he’d pick you up and spin you around, telling you you were his proudest achievement. Not because he had been the one to train you – no, he had always told you that it was all you and the gift you had been born with. No, he would have told you that he was proud to be able to call you his muse.
I’ve got people lined up until the end of the year. I wish you could see.
Nostalgia hit you, and you found yourself blinking back tears.
I have some famous friends now too. I think you’d love them.
You winced then, laughing at your own stupidity. Soobin would hate Jungkook. And Jungkook wasn’t even your friend anyway. It was just a dumb business deal.
Soobin had been a kind lover, but he was jealous. Never liked when you hung out with guys. Though he had never stopped you, had encouraged you to maintain your friendships. You had lost most of them after he had died, and maybe that, most of all, was the reason you wanted to tell him about Eunwoo, Jaehyun, and the rest of them. They were your friends because of Aera, that was true, but you still hung out a lot more than you had thought you would.
Never with Jungkook, of course. And always with Minchae, because she and Jaehyun had started seeing each other too.
So, you told Soobin about your hang outs. About the private club you went to regularly, and the private cafés the boys had access to as celebrities. You tried not to let your thoughts diverge to Jungkook too much because it felt unfair for Soobin. Gravity is hard to escape though, and you found you couldn’t really tell Soobin about your life without mentioning Jungkook too.
Because, whether you liked it or not, Jungkook currently was part of your day-to-day life.
You wondered what Soobin would tell you, if he could hear you. Would he be happy for you, to see that you were finally moving on? Because that was it – hanging out with Jungkook made you feel like you were slowly moving on, finally letting go of a love you had never thought you’d lose.
In truth, you doubted you’d ever stop loving Soobin. But you had the right to live your life, didn’t you? You knew Soobin would have wanted that for you. For all the poetry in his heart, he had always been down to Earth too.
You stayed there for a long time, talking to Soobin. Reminiscing about moments you had spent together… realizing that time was obscuring the memories in your mind. As if they had happened so long ago your brain had chosen to put them away, to make place for new memories.
It was strange, how something that had once mattered so much could disappear like that. As you sat there, you realized you couldn’t quite remember his laugh. You had videos, in which you could still hear it, but you couldn’t imagine it without them.
Soobin was leaving your memories too, now.
You let yourself cry a little, at the realization. And you never really cried, unless it was about him. So, you let the pain go, tasting the saltiness of your tears on your lips as you did so. Your phone buzzing in your purse snapped you back to reality, and you dried the tears with the back of your hand.
It was Jungkook, texting you to ask if you wanted to hang out again tonight, as he wouldn’t be available next week. It chased the sadness away, as it was replaced with confusion. You had seen Jungkook two days ago.
But now was not the time to think about hanging out with Jungkook. So, you put your phone back in your purse, focusing on the tombstone again. Only then realizing that your tears were gone, and that they had relieved you of some heaviness.
You refused to admit Jungkook had played his part in it.
You stayed a little longer, until some droplets of rain started falling from the sky. Even if they were rare, you knew better than to stay and wait until they turned into a full-on rainstorm. God knew how rainy Seoul could get, and how much you hated the rain.
You said goodbye to Soobin, telling him you loved him and that you couldn’t wait to have more things to tell him, next year. And with a heart filled with nostalgia, you walked away, glancing at the tombstone once before it was out of sight.
A new lump formed in your throat, and you swallowed it down as you turned back around and left. Heading to the tattoo shop, because you knew what tattoo you wanted to get now. Had known it for a few weeks.
Had known it since after the first time you had had sex with Jungkook. It was a strange thing, that you had decided to tattoo it on yourself after visiting Soobin, but you had made the decision a week ago, as you had seen the date approaching. Soobin had been a tattoo artist after all, and your art was his legacy.
When you got to your shop, rain had started falling heavier outside. You felt like cursing at it, for being present on the day of Soobin’s anniversary of death, and maybe you actually did. Just a little, looking up at the dark clouds and cursing at them for existing. For being the reason why Soobin had had to take the side road in the first place.
Life sometimes was unfair. Death was too, in a much more unforgiving way.
You had already prepared everything you needed to tattoo yourself the day before, and you sat in your usual client chair, eyes skimming over everything. You had chosen to tattoo it on the inside of the upper part of your arm, right next to a mole that you had always had. You looked at the spot, committing its emptiness to memory before grabbing the alcohol swab.
You cleaned your skin, slowly, eyes losing their focus as you were reminded of when Soobin had been cleaning your ribs.
It had been a few weeks after you had started training with him.
You pushed the thoughts away. You didn’t like living in the past, even if your heart had been lost somewhere then.
You threw the alcohol swab away, before glancing at the stencil. You were positioning it on your arm after having moisten the skin with soap when the bells of the door rang.
You had forgotten to lock the door.
“Why don’t you reply to your texts?” Jungkook asked as he walked in, two coffees in hands.
You were struck, seeing him there, on this day that belonged to another.
In all truth, you had forgotten that he had texted you, when you were with Soobin. And something in the way he was looking at you right now, with concern etched on his pretty features… it opened up the wound in a way you hadn’t expected.
“What are you doing here?” you asked, voice a little rough by the lump that was forming in your throat.
Jungkook stopped, halfway to where you were sitting. “I…” he trailed off, looking at you. Looking at the stencil you were holding on your arm, and then at your eyes.
You knew your gaze was wet, by the way the concern took over the galaxies in his eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked. Voice sweeter than it usually was, like he was afraid he’d hurt you more if he spoke normally.
“I’m busy”, you replied. You looked away from him, unable to let him gaze at your vulnerability any longer. “Why did you come here?”
He remained silent for a long time, as if he knew there was a meaning behind your words. A secret you weren’t willing to tell him.
“You usually reply fast, so I got worried”, he finally replied, and his voice was low. Sheepish, even. “I was in the neighborhood, so I thought why not visit you.” He fell silent, before scraping his throat. “I brought your favorite coffee.”
The fact Jungkook remembered the way you liked your coffee… it made you look at him again. Made you want to give your vulnerability to him, so you wouldn’t have to bear the weight alone anymore.
“You can put it down on the table”, you said, vaguely motioning to it with your head.
He obeyed, burying his fist in his pocket as soon as the cup wasn’t in his hand anymore. He looked at you again, then, and there was a wariness in the way he was standing.
It wasn’t an emotion you had seen him sporting before, and you hated that he was looking at you like that, now.
“Are you okay?” he repeated.
You tossed his question away. You couldn’t give that vulnerability to him, you couldn’t open up to him. You wouldn’t, not when it’d make the loss all the realer.
“I was going to tattoo myself”, you said, choosing to ignore his question. “Do you want to help?”
He was confused. You could tell it by the line between his brows, and the way he was playing with his piercing. Not like he did when he was horny. No, the gesture was a nervous one, a little like the way you pulled on the dry skin of your lips whenever you got anxious. Which wasn’t often, but it still happened.
You were human after all.
“I’ve never tattooed anyone before”, he said, carefully, letting his words hang in the space between you. His tone had been a little higher at the end, like it was a question, and he furrowed his eyebrows further.
You shrugged. “Just sit next to me, I’ll tell you what to do.”
He didn’t move for a time. You watched the debate on his features as he was choosing what to do. You could tell he was uncomfortable, wanting to flee the darkness you held in you.
You didn’t blame him. Whenever his eyes took on an expression of vulnerability, you too wanted to run away.                
“It’s a good thing I’ve always wanted to learn”, he finally said, before putting his own coffee down. He made his way towards you, as your eyes fell on a vague spot on your thighs.
Maybe that, that was Soobin’s legacy. You teaching someone else, the way he had taught you in the first place.
Every step Jungkook took towards you seemed to lighten his mood, as if the perspective of learning something new was stronger than your dim mood. And maybe, maybe it made you feel a little better, to watch his eyes take on a curious glint.
He grabbed a stool, rolling it closer to where you were sitting, before sitting down. His gaze fell to your arm, to the stencil you were still holding in place.
“What are you going to get tattooed?” he asked, and his eyes trailed back to your face.
You pulled the stencil away, showing him your arm. He grabbed it, with his gentle fingers, until your arm was turned in a way that let him see the outline. He smiled then, as if he knew.
That smile did things to the pain in your heart. Took it, and caged it far away from you.
“Saturn?” he said, head tilting to the side in his curiosity.
You pursed your lips. “I’ve always liked space.”
You thought about Soobin then. About what he would think of the boy with galaxies in his eyes. About what he would think of your reason. Because you needed a reason, always, to get tattooed. The way Jungkook made you feel… it was reason enough, no matter how futile and idyllic his time in your life was.
“It’s pretty”, he said, smiling appreciatively.
It really was. You had taken a while to design it, until you had chosen the simplest form of it. A small planet, with rings around it, along with three small stars.
“Thank you”, you breathed.
Soobin would have liked the tattoo. You were sure of it. Would have hated the reason, but you deserved your reasons. You deserved to be moving on, even if he was still the owner of your heart.
It took you a moment, of teaching Jungkook, to realize why he had accepted the offer in the first place. You could tell, with the cautious looks he threw your way, that he was trying to change your mind. No matter that he didn’t know what from…
Jeon Jungkook was a kind human being, behind all of the red flags. Someone that had his heart on his sleeve. Or maybe that had it there before someone had ripped it from him.
“Keep going”, you encouraged him, and he glanced up at you.
He was close and his galaxies pulled you in. You found yourself exploring all the worlds they held, swimming in their outer space.
Jeon Jungkook was your first escape from Soobin. A new lump formed in your throat at the thought, and Jungkook straightened.
“I’m not hurting you, am I?” he asked.
It wasn’t just about the tattoo. You knew he meant more. You knew he was wondering if he was the cause behind your sadness, and it almost made you want to open up. To reveal your secrets. But it felt wrong, too wrong.
“You are not”, you reassured him. “You actually have to put a little more pressure.”
He wet his lips. “I’m afraid I’ll mess the tattoo up.”
You held his gaze for a time, before looking down at the tiny line he had already drawn. “Do you want me to finish it?”
He nodded, handing you the device. Though he stayed close, arms resting on the side of the chair. Until you put your arm on top of his, so you had better access to your inner arm. He didn’t seem to mind, and the warmth of him against you anchored you in the present. Kept you from walking down memory lane again.
You worked in silence, as Jungkook watched you carefully. His proximity made it hard for you to focus, even though you didn’t want him right now. Not like you usually wanted him. You rather just wanted his company, even if you had first chosen to ignore him, when he had texted you.
He really was becoming far too important in your life.
“Doesn’t it hurt when you tattoo yourself?” he whispered, as his eyes kept fixed on the spot where the needle was poking at your skin.
“Nah.” The buzzing of the pen filled the silence, until you spoke again. “It hurts less than when someone else does it. Since you expect it more.”
He nodded a little, and you fell back into a comfortable silence. You didn’t exchange another word until you were done, then explaining to Jungkook what needed to be done with a new tattoo. Which was useless, since he already knew all of that. Yet, he let you speak, as if sensing you needed to fill the silence between you with something.
Anything other than the truth.
When you finally finished speaking, your mind coming up short with words to say, Jungkook grabbed your legs, making you turn until you were sitting in the chair, with your legs on his thighs.
“I’ll wrap the tattoo for you”, he said, gently. His hands ran up and down your thighs once, in a reassuring gesture, before he grabbed what he needed for it.
You watched as he worked, with those gentle hands of his, the ones you still couldn’t quite believe were his. They did get rougher sometimes, usually when he was balls deep inside of you. But most of the time he was gentle, as if he had all the time in the world to touch you.
And maybe he did.
When he was done wrapping the tattoo, his big hands fell back on your thighs, before settling on your hips. He met your gaze then, and he held it. Held it with his galaxies and stars, held it with the gravity that always pulled you in.
You were so far in that you could glimpse at his own vulnerability. At his worlds, and at the ones that had broken him. The universe in his eyes was so vast that you imagined seeing yourself there, seeing Soobin there. As if Soobin had been the one to send Jungkook to you after all, that drunken night of his, weeks ago.
“What’s been haunting your mind?” Jungkook asked.
You took a deep breath, right hand moving up in the space between you, until you had brushed a strand of his hair from his eyes.
“No feelings, remember?”
He played with his piercing for a time. “We also said once a week, and I’m here right now.”
He was. He was here when you had needed him – or needed anyone, really. Maybe it could mean something. You just didn’t want it to.
You brushed his cheek then, where he had his little scar. “I’d rather not talk about it.”
His Adam apple bobbed as he swallowed, before nodding. “Alright.” He paused, looking between your two eyes. “But if you ever feel the need to speak to someone, know that I’m here.”
It almost hurt you, the way he said it. As if he had forgotten your deal was but a business deal, and there was no true friendship between you. Just temporary pleasure, as you tried to fuck the other out of your system.
It hadn’t worked yet.
“Thank you.”
There was tension between you then. A different kind of tension. Not one that took its root in physical attraction. Maybe it was because of the soft galaxies in his eyes, or because he was here. He was here with you.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked after a time, once the silence had stretched into its own little eternity of just you gazing at his eyes.
You shook your head, surprising even you. “No.”
You didn’t say more, didn’t say the little word that had threatened to fall from your lips.
Stay.
“Do you want your coffee?”
“Yes.”
You both didn’t move. The silence was too comfortable, and so were his eyes. Eyes that had scared you, at the beginning, with their depths. Weeks later, you had gotten to explore them, more than you had ever thought you would.
There was nothing scary about Jeon Jungkook.
“It’s my birthday, soon”, you said, out of the blue.
His tongue played with his piercing a little. “I’m going to be gone.” He sounded so disappointed, and it made your heart squeeze in your chest.
“I know”, you said. Your eyes fell from his, as his hands moved a little up, until his thumbs were rubbing soothing circles on your waist.
“Do you like camping?” he asked.
You furrowed your brows. “What?”
He repeated the question, cocking an eyebrow.
“I’ve never gone.”
It was true, your parents had never been one to want to leave the city. Perhaps their job had just kept them too busy, when you were younger, for them to consider taking you on a camping trip. And you had never really had friends that wanted to go before, even if some part of you had always wanted to.
“I’m going on a trip on the weekend of your birthday”, he said. “For three days, along with the boys.”
“Which ones?” you asked.
“Jaehyun, Eunwoo”, he said. “Jimin said he’d come too.”
You remained silent, not really knowing what to say.
“They’ve invited Aera and Minchae too.”
Aera hadn’t told you. It made your heart ache, at the thought that that was the reason why she had said she couldn’t hang out on the day of your birthday. Not that you had been one to celebrate a lot, but you had usually hung out with her.
“Do…” he said, trailing off as his eyes fell to a spot between your breasts, that was at a level with his gaze. “Do you want to come?”
You gulped, then. Swallowed down a new lump.
“You want me to come?”
He nodded, meeting your gaze once more.
“I…”
You were about to say no. To say you couldn’t go, but really… What was stopping you? The fact that you and Jungkook weren’t really friends? The fact that the more time you spent with him the deeper you fell into his galaxies?
It wasn’t like their worlds scared you anymore.
“I would like that”, you agreed.
He smiled, with that smile that could light up the whole world.
Thank you, Soobin, for sending him to me.
 *****
               You had been laughing for a while now. Ever since Jungkook had come to pick you up, with his little bucket hat and wide doe eyes. Ever since he had put on his favourite songs, and he danced to them, trying to pull you into the choreography. Trying to convince you to dance to ‘That That’, shooting finger guns at you as you giggled in the passenger seat, telling him to focus on the road.
Jeon Jungkook was different today. Carefree, as if he wasn’t lost in his depths anymore. As if his vulnerability didn’t matter anymore. As if you were young and reckless, with no responsibilities, other than that of enjoying life.
And maybe that was all there was to do, in the few days you were going to be out of the city. That, and celebrate your birthday, with the people that had started mattering more to you than you had thought they ever would.
Business deal included.
After the anniversary of Soobin’s death and Jungkook’s invitation, something had changed between you two. He had texted you every day, called you every day, claiming you needed to plan everything for the trip. A strange thing, because there wasn’t much to plan.
It had led to some of the best phone sex in your entire life, though. Jungkook guiding you, with that beautiful voice of his…
It had been good phone sex indeed.
“Are you hungry?” Jungkook asked after a small moment of silence, between the two songs playing on the car speakers.
You pouted, shrugging your shoulders. “Not particularly. But I know you always are.”
He smiled devilishly. “Especially for you.”
You burst out laughing, punching him in the shoulder. “You are disgusting.”
He offered you a small pout, with his wide doe eyes set in an innocent and childlike expression. It made you roll your eyes, and his giggle filled the air around you.
Lighting an atmosphere that was already light.
“I’m going to stop soon to get some food, do you want me to get anything for you?”
You said no, because really you weren’t hungry at all. Yet when Jungkook sat back in the car, he handed you some sotteok. You looked at him, before taking the food, cocking an eyebrow.
“I know you said you weren’t hungry but…” he trailed off, as he watched you take a bite.
The smile he offered you then made you forget who you were for a time.
“Thank you”, you said when you swallowed your bite.
It filled you with warmth, how Jungkook was caring, suddenly. As if seeing the darkness in your eyes, a few days ago, had changed something between you two. Maybe it had, though you weren’t fool enough to let it get to your head.
It was just a business deal, and he had only invited you because your friends were going.
But when he had said he’d be the one driving you… it was hard not to believe that it meant something. Especially as he seemed so… happy to be there with you. With his bright smile that made your heart stutter in your chest.
“You should eat all that before we get on the road again”, you told him, looking around the half-full parking lot before your eyes settled on him again.
He shrugged, mouth full of a bite that had his cheeks puffing. “Was already the plan”, he said once he swallowed, before immediately digging in for another bite.
It made you laugh, and he narrowed his eyes at you, though he couldn’t speak for a time.
“What?” he let out.
“I want to drive your car.”
He cocked an eyebrow, shaking his head no slowly. “I don’t let anyone drive my car.”
You attempted to make puppy eyes, though you ended up bursting out laughing along with him. The sound of your laughter filled the car, until it subsided as he took another bite. “It’s my birthday”, you said, pouting. “Please?”
He sighed, rolling his eyes. “What do I get in exchange?”
You looked up, pursing your lips as your index finger tapped your chin. Until an idea slid in your mind, and your face fell into a sultry expression as you turned to look at him. He gulped, then, as if he too sensed the switch in you.
“We find a parking a little less crowded than here and I let you fuck me?”
His eyes widened, at your crude words, before he nodded. “Yes, alright. Yes. A good plan.”
It made you giggle, to see how eager he was, and the sultriness dissolved into happiness.
Something that happened more and more as you spent time with Jungkook like that, outside of the usual confines of your deal.
And really, with the perspective of sex on the line, Jungkook engulfed the food he had bought, before turning the key in the ignition. The engine of his car purred to life, and soon enough he had pulled on the street again.
His hand settled on your thigh then, and you gulped as he brushed a finger on your skin, right where your skirt ended.
“I like when you wear skirts”, he commented, as his eyes stayed fixed on the street ahead. “Makes the access easier.”
And just like that, his hand slid up, fingers brushing the sensitive skin of your inner thigh. Your breath hitched in your throat, right as you instinctively spread your thighs a little more, to give him a better access.
“You’re always so ready for me”, he whispered, and your gaze slid to his profile. To the piercing he was playing with, and the ghost of a smirk on his lips.
“So are you, Jeon Jungkook”, you breathed, and you let one of your hands move to his upper thigh, fingers grazing his dick through his joggers.
He wasn’t hard at all yet, but the slight touch of your digits there had his fist tighten on the wheel, even as his touch on your thigh stayed gentle, soft, like it always was with him.
It was one of the things you liked the most, about Jeon Jungkook. For all the darkness that sometimes invaded his gaze, his softness never left. It softened the edges of him, in a way that felt just right.
For you, that is.
“Can’t wait to feel your pretty little pussy”, he said, right as his knuckles brushed you through your panties.
You bit your lip to keep in the embarrassing moan it had raised in you. He smirked then, because he knew. Knew that your body responded to his with just a touch, with just the right words.
And he always had the right touches and words, when it came to you.
“What about here?” he said, as he slowed down the car.
There was a dirt road that disappeared in the forest, after a bend. You looked at Jungkook, eyes a little wide with anticipation, even if you weren’t full on horny yet.
He’d get you there in no time anyway.
“Seems good to me”, you said, nodding your head as you wet your lips.
He gazed down at them, as the car came to a full stop, and he seemed conflicted for a time. Until you squeezed his muscular thigh, and your knuckles grazed his dick again. Whatever conflict that had raised in his eyes dwindled away, and he turned into the dirt road, all the way to the bend in the road.
He followed it, car driving slowly, before parking on the side.
Anybody could drive past, you were aware of that, but the stars in Jungkook’s eyes shone with lust as he looked at you, taking off his keys from the ignition. They burned with desire, and it rendered all caution useless.
You’d almost let him fuck you in the middle of a crowded room, when he looked at you like that.
“Backseat?” he asked.
You shook your head no, as you turned towards him. “I want to ride you.”
He clenched his jaw, head tilting to the side. He seemed to debate for a time, and his hand left your thigh when he made his decision. “Anything for the birthday girl.”
It did something to you, to have him give in to you like that, and heat pooled in your lower stomach, until it trickled down to the place between your legs. You watched as he unbuckled his seat belt and adjusted the car seat so you could climb on top of him, and your eyes moved down to his dick as he palmed himself through the joggers.
“Come here”, he then said, as you too unbuckled your seat belt. He grabbed your hand, with that gentle touch of his, before pulling you on his lap. It was hard to straddle him on the car seat, and your hands landed on his shoulders, with a short distance separating your two mouths.
You almost went in for a kiss, as if by instinct, before reminding you of the rule. Just because you were breaking some of the rules didn’t mean you had to break them all, so you moved to his neck instead, sucking at the spot you knew made him squirm.
His hands landed on your ass, and he massaged it through the fabric of your skirt, until he decided better and moved under the fabric. His warm skin met yours in a slap and you let out a breathy sound, the slap leaving a stinging sensation on your ass.
You grinded into him then, as your arousal started soaking your panties. His large hands guided your movements, and he tilted his head to the side to give you better access. He sighed loudly when you bit into his neck, in that way that turned into a small moan.
“Don’t leave love bites”, he said, chuckling deeply.
You smirked against his skin, kissing the spot you had just bit. “We’re going away for three days, plenty of time for it to heal.”
He hissed as you sucked on the skin then, before slapping your ass again. “You’re not being a very good girl, mmh?”
“Mmh.” It was your turn to chuckle, and your tongue darted between your lips to taste his skin. “It’s my birthday, it’s my turn to be in control.”
You moved up from his neck, kissing his jaw, before pulling away. Grinding into him as his head turned back so he could look at you. His galaxies had gone dark again, the good kind of dark that promised pleasure and passion.
“Your birthday is tomorrow.”
You shrugged, rolling your hips slowly as he guided your movements again. He was getting hard, enough for you to know it’d take no time until you could sink on him. Especially as the black holes in his eyes made your pussy clench around nothing.
You were already so ready for him.
“Gotta start somewhere”, you said, tilting your head to the side innocently as you wet your lips. “It’s not going to be easy to fuck when our friends are right next to us.”
The devilish smirk on his lips made you want to lean in and suck on his piercing, but you resisted. “We can always find a spot in the woods.”
You shook your head, slowly, before going back to his neck, pressing wet kisses on his skin. “You’re going to be the death of me.”
You didn’t know why Jungkook liked doing it in public so much. Putting his reputation on the line like that… you wouldn’t do it, if you were him. But you weren’t, and all you wanted was to make him feel good. Make him feel good until his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he released inside of you.
“Then fuck me like it’s your last day on Earth”, he said, voice low and husky.
You whined as he thrusted up, his hard dick pressing against your clit. It felt good even through the fabric, but nothing compared to the feeling of his skin against yours.
“Let’s get you out of your pants, then.”
He nodded, and though it proved to be awkward, you managed to stand up just enough for him to slide his pants down to the middle of his thighs, along with his underwear. You took a moment to observe his pretty cock, already leaking with precum, as he spat in his hand before wrapping it around his shaft, pumping up and down twice before letting it go.
“Spit on it”, he told you.
You cocked an eyebrow, meeting his gaze again. “And how am I supposed to do it in this position?”
He brought his hand to your mouth, thumb caressing your bottom lip before he held his palm up. Your gaze stayed glued to his as you spat in his hand, and he used it to lubricate the head of his cock. One of your hands moved between your legs, until you could push your panties to the side, enough to give him access to your entrance.
You lowered yourself on him, until his cock reached your clit. You stopped, circling your hips instead as he shut his eyes, smirk still on his lips.
You’d go crazy if you looked at his lips for longer. So you sank down on him, his dick sliding right in, though it burned as he stretched your walls.
You winced, and he let go of his dick so he could grab your waist, holding you up a little. “Do you want me to finger you first?” he asked.
You met the galaxies in his eyes then, and their gravity pulled you in again. So much so you found yourself resting your forehead against his, eyes half shut, as you started circling your hips again.
“No, your dick can stretch me enough.”
He nodded, eyes shutting from the proximity. As if looking at you any longer would make him go crazy. And maybe, maybe he really did feel like you were feeling in the moment, because he didn’t urge you to go faster. He instead let you establish a slow rhythm, a dance that had his dick reaching deep inside of you.
You let go of your panties then, and put your hands on his shoulders again, to give yourself leverage for what was to come. Because you were fully ready to start moving up and down, fucking yourself on him.
Until he spoke, and made your heart stop in your chest.
“Keep going like that”, he breathed, and his lips were almost close enough for you to feel them move.
You gulped, hands moving from his shoulders to his cheeks. “You feel so good, stretching me like that.”
He smirked, his own hands gripping your ass again. “Such a pretty girl.”
His praise made your eyes shut all the way, and you moved up, ever so slowly, before sinking even deeper than before. You heard his breath hitch, and you did it again, until his hands tightened on your ass.
“Don’t fuck me like that”, he breathed, and there was a vulnerability behind his words. One that was slowly rising in your heart too, and that you didn’t want to feel.
You hated the feelings Jeon Jungkook sometimes raised in you. So, you started moving quicker, rougher, until he was fucking up into you too. Until his fingers on your ass moved to your hips, so he could guide you again, digits digging in the tender skin.
You moaned as he fucked into you harder, yet you couldn’t move your forehead away from his. Wanted to feel his moans on your lips.
Your pussy clenched and Jungkook hissed, before thrusting up harder. It hurt a little, in that way that made you see stars – not the ones in his eyes, of course – and you threw your head back, hands moving back to his shoulders.
Your nails dug in through the fabric of his oversized shirt as one of his fingers met your clit, rolling circles on the sensitive bud. He kept going like that, until your orgasm started building inside of you, and you begged him to go faster.
He was a sucker when you begged for him, so he gave in, fucking into you faster, moving his finger faster, harder, until your vision blurred with light, and your pussy clenched against him.
He moaned, thrusting up, and you came around his dick, obscene sounds filling his car as you squirted, letting out a loud moan. He fucked into you as your walls pulsed against his dick, and soon enough he hit his high too, with a string of curses and praises for you. He emptied his load deep inside of you, hands keeping you from moving up, and you opened your eyes, to watch the effects of his orgasm on his pretty features. To watch the way his teeth bit at his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed so much they were almost touching.
You weren’t usually ones for quickies like that. Jungkook usually liked to take his time with you, not letting himself come until he had pulled at least two orgasms out of you. It surprised you, to feel his juice inside of you already, and when he opened his eyes, your pussy clenched against him once more.
He looked spent, as if the small orgasm he had just hit was one of the best in his life.
“I love fucking your tight little pussy”, he said, and his features softened a little, until his brows had relaxed on his face. Until his teeth had let go of his bottom lip, and you found yourself glancing at the redness they had left behind.
“That was a quick one”, you said, and you brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. Your hand lingered on his cheek for a second too long, and you quickly put it away, as you tried to climb out of his lap.
“We still have to get to the camping”, he pointed out. And then he chuckled, as his dick pulled out of you and fell on his lap. “And now you’ve just made a mess of my shirt.”
You had indeed, the mix of your juice with his come leaving a trail on his shirt.
“Probably made a mess of my skirt too”, you said, shrugging. “And don’t get me started on my panties.”
He laughed, boyishly, before looking at you as you sat back in the passenger seat. “I’ll grab something for you to change into.”
He started by grabbing the box of tissue, so he could clean himself. He handed a few to you, and you cleaned yourself as he got out of the car to grab your duffel bag in the booth. While he was there, he also switched shirts for a clean one, and you watched him in the rear-view mirror as he got changed.
Jeon Jungkook had one of the most beautiful bodies you had seen in your life. Of all the boys you had fucked, that is. But then again, he was better than most of them on all aspects, so it really was useless to compare him.
No one could compare to Jeon Jungkook.
Your heart squeezed in your chest then, as the ecstasy of the orgasm finally left you. Left you to be replaced with the image of Soobin, and you found yourself missing him.
Found yourself wishing you didn’t have such treacherous thoughts about Jungkook. It almost felt like you were cheating. It was worse than a cold shower, washing away the warmth and ecstasy until you found yourself freezing, almost shivering even in the heat that had taken over the car.
Jungkook didn’t mention it, when he sat back next to you, handing you a clean pair of jeans. He noticed though. Those big doe eyes of his noticed everything, with their galaxies, and it made you turn away from him. You switched your skirt for the pants, as Jungkook drove back to the main street, sending you cautious glances once in a while.
You pushed your discomfort to the side as he stopped at a gas station, eyes finally meeting his.
“Is everything okay?” he asked as soon as your gazes locked.
You looked around, before gazing into his eyes again. “Why are you stopping here?” you asked, avoiding his question.
He didn’t like it. You could tell by the harsh set in his jaw, but it was gone in an instant. “I thought you might want to pee, to make sure you don’t get an infection.”
Sweet. Always so sweet. It pushed your wariness away, melting it into a soft warmth that spread through your chest. And you wanted to tell him how he made you feel then. Wanted to thank him for being so caring, but you couldn’t find the words. So, you just nodded, telling him you’d be right back.
When you came back, Jungkook had switched to the passenger seat, and you just watched him confused for a time, until you remembered you had first asked to drive. You hesitantly opened the door on the driver’s side, before sitting down, throwing Jungkook a sheepish look.
“Are you sure you don’t mind if I drive?” you asked.
He shrugged, meeting your eyes with his galaxies. “Not if you tell me what’s wrong.”
You froze, hand halfway to the wheel. The galaxies seemed to have stopped swirling in his eyes, as if they too awaited an explanation. As if his worlds couldn’t orbit their stars without you explaining, and it was so sweet and caring it had your heart stop in your chest.
“Everything is okay.” You nodded, offering him a reassuring smile. “Everything is okay now.”
He didn’t seem convinced, but he didn’t push, instead letting his face fall into a smile of his own. “Okay. Good.” He nodded too, before looking away. “Then, you can drive.”
You chuckled, before turning the key in the ignition. “You know I would have driven anyway.”
 *****
                 “That’s not how you make a tent”, Jungkook said, for the eleventh time.
You laughed, looking at the mess in front of you. “No shit.”
He chuckled, as he glanced over his shoulder at Aera, who was walking towards you. “We don’t need help”, he said before the girl had even reached your side.
He had insisted on setting up your tent with you. Had said it’d be quicker that way – because he had brought two tents. One for each of you, that he wanted to put next to each other. You weren’t quite sure why – maybe he just didn’t want to appear like more than friends. Though his friends knew about your deal. Because you had told Aera, and Aera had told Minchae, and Eunwoo had also talked about it.
Yet, it reassured you, somehow. Because Soobin hadn’t completely left your thoughts, and you indeed needed some space. You were relieved Jungkook wanted to give it to you, without questions.
Even more so relieved, as it had led to you laughing so hard you had almost pissed yourself twice.
“You’re so competitive you can’t even admit when you need help, Jungkook”, Aera said as she stopped next to you, looking at the poles you had in your hands.
Jungkook glared at her, before meeting your gaze. “I don’t like your friend.”
You laughed again. “We’ll manage babe, thanks.”
Aera chuckled, shaking her head. “Where did you guys stop on the way? I thought you were right behind us.”
Your laugh died in your mouth, as you met Jungkook’s widened gaze.
“We just got food”, he said, shrugging, and the surprise that had first lit up his features melted into a smirk. “Some good food at that.”
You blushed – what the hell? – before letting out another small laugh. “Good food indeed.”
Aera looked between you two, a disgusted look taking over her pretty features. “Ew.”
You glared at her. “What do you mean, ew?”
“Just say you fucked. I fucked Eunwoo before leaving.”
Jungkook shook his head as he chuckled. “As much as I’m happy Eunwoo is getting some, you didn’t need to tell us that.”
Aera shrugged her shoulders before turning around to walk away. “Not my problem.”
You watched your friend leave, before resuming your attention on Jungkook. There was a slight blush on his cheeks, when you looked at him, and it made you look away. Made your gaze drop to the mess of a tent on the ground.
“Well”, Jungkook said, before scraping his throat. “Where were we?”
You snorted, holding up the poles in your hands. “I think we have to slide this in the loops there.”
You motioned to said loops, and Jungkook tilted his head to the side, before nodding.
“That seems like a good plan.”
You got to work, and soon enough you were a laughing mess again. Because you couldn’t get the poles in, or maybe you made it a little harder for Jungkook. Just to tease him, and it took him a moment to understand. But when he did, he stopped trying to get the pole in, turning to glare at you.
“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.
“Nothing.” It was said innocently, yet Jungkook’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Give me that.”
“No.”
“Y/n, give the poles to me.”
He had his hand held out, and you shook your head.
“Or what?”
He smirked, before taking a step closer. He leaned down, until he could speak directly into your ear. “Or you won’t get any birthday sex.”
He kissed your neck then, just over the neckline of your shirt, and your breath caught in your throat. His hands moved on your arms, sliding down, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind…
He snatched the poles from your hands, letting out a victorious cheer before turning away from you. You tried to get them back, wrapping your arms around his waist, but he held the poles away.
“Give them back”, you begged.
Jungkook stepped away from you, before pointing at the tent with the pole. “Hold the tent up.”
You put your fists on your hips, almost stomping on the ground to show him you were angry. But mostly to make him laugh, and the stern expression on his features melted as he giggled.
“You’re annoying”, you told him.
“That’s not what you were saying when we were…”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence, as you shoved him in the shoulder. “Jeon Jungkook, you are outrageous!” He grinned his boyish grin, eyes crinkling at the corners, and you almost fell in the galaxies again.
You caught yourself at the last second possible, looking away from him as a blush crept on your cheeks.
You cooperated then, helping Jungkook to set up the tent. You found that you made a better team once you really tried to focus on the job at hand instead of messing around – even if messing around was far more fun – and soon enough the two tents were up, right next to each other. Jungkook put your duffel bag in one, along with the sleeping bag you had gotten for the occasion, while you moved his stuff to his tent.
It was somehow… domestic, the way you two were carrying yourselves. And it was hard, then, to think about the fact that it was just a business deal. That it’d go back to how it was before, when you’d be back in Seoul.
Or maybe it didn’t have to. You just didn’t know if you wanted that anyway, because Soobin still occupied most of your thoughts. Still owned your heart, even if Jungkook occasionally made you feel … something.
There were no words to explain what he made you feel, other than what the night sky made you feel. The night sky he held in his eyes, and the one that lit up the heavens when the sun set, after you had played around on the beach with the rest of your friends all day, before eating a barbecue Jungkook had taken care of.
You acted as if you didn’t notice, but Jungkook always offered you the first bite of meat. Always made sure you didn’t want more before handing out the rest to his friends, making his own plate last.
Jungkook was a kind human being, behind all the vulnerability. Or maybe the vulnerability just made him kinder, as if he didn’t want the people around him to suffer like he had.
It made you wonder what the darkness in his eyes was about. What had hurt Jeon Jungkook enough to make him give himself away to a lot of girls, what had made him willing to make a deal such as the one you shared. And you didn’t know if he still slept around. You had had sex with another guy once, at the beginning of the deal, but then had found that Jungkook was plenty enough to satiate your cravings.
You liked to tell yourself he felt the same about you.
It was fun to be around Jungkook when he was with his friends. Even Minchae didn’t make you feel wary like she usually did. Nothing could really reach you, except your own darkness inside of you. And you found yourself gazing at Jungkook more, then. The thoughts you had on Soobin’s death anniversary came back to your mind and you wondered, truly wondered, if Soobin had been the one to bring Jungkook into your life.
Because even with all his red flags, the more you got to know Jungkook, the more he seemed just right.
It made you confused, deeply, and way too vulnerable for your own good.
Sitting around a small bonfire, Jungkook and his friends were talking about their latest works, and you tuned out the conversation as you looked up at the sky, heart squeezing in your chest at the sight of all the stars. You could still hear the sea in the distance, even if trees separated you from the beach, and the fresh air of the night filled you with wonder.
The kind of wonder that had your eyes trail back to Jungkook as he squeezed your hand, running his thumb on the back of your hand before letting go. Your eyes met, and he offered you a small smile, before going back to his conversation. His friends didn’t seem to notice the affectionate move, or maybe they chose to ignore it.
You did ignore the way Eunwoo and Jaehyun acted with your friends. Even if the latter seemed to wish to put a distance between Minchae and him, sometimes.
The rest of Jungkook’s friends would be coming tomorrow. Indeed, Jimin, Mingyu and Yugyeom were all supposed to join during the day tomorrow. You were excited to see Jimin again, to see if his own shadows had left him. To know what he thought about the tattoo after having it on his skin for a while.
Your eyes went up to the sky again, as you leaned your head against the chair you were sitting in. The glow of the fire played on your peripheral vision, and you tried to ignore it, to focus on the stars above. On their own glow, that seemed to be so faint compared to the stars you were used to. To those in the eyes of the boy next to you.
Your heart squeezed in your chest again, and you found nostalgia hitting you, about Soobin. And it wasn’t like you had gone camping with him before – Soobin had been a city boy through and through – but there was something in the feelings in you that reminded you of him. Of the early days of your relationship, when you had been fresh out of high school and ready to dive into adulthood.
You sighed, chasing the sadness that always came with Soobin away. Jungkook threw you a cautious look, before grabbing his phone. And when he jumped up next to you, you turned to look at him, eyes a little widened.
“Come with me”, he said, hand extended to you.
The conversation around you died as Jaehyun and Eunwoo looked at you curiously, awaiting your answer. Minchae and Aera had gone to take a shower, but you had taken yours earlier, right when you had come back from the beach, so it was just the two boys next to you.
“Why?” you asked, though you grabbed his hand.
He pressed your fingers with that gentle touch of his, looking towards the beach.
“You keep craning your neck so you can look up at the stars, let’s just go on the beach.”
The orange glow of the fire played on his features, and you looked at him for a time. Gazed at the soft look in his eyes, that hinted at concern and maybe something else. Vulnerability, perhaps.
“I don’t mind staying here”, you said right as he pulled you up to your feet.
He smiled then before pulling you closer and wrapping his arms around you. You stilled, frozen like a deer in headlights, not knowing what to do.
“Happy birthday, Y/n”, he whispered in your ear, and a trail of goosebumps moved down your spine.
It hit you. It was midnight. He had waited until it was midnight to wish you a happy birthday.
Business deal my ass.
Eunwoo and Jaehyun had started talking again, ignoring you, or maybe just offering you some privacy. And your heart beat louder in your chest, as you pulled away from the hug to gaze up at his face.
Jungkook was close to you. Doe eyes shining with fondness, and you found your own eyes dipping to his lips.
“Thank you, Jungkook.”
His gaze filled with even more light, with even more galaxies and stars and nebulas.
It was your first time calling him by his first name only.
“And I know you’ve been dying to stargaze, so let’s go on the beach.”
You nodded, unable to form a word as your throat closed with emotion. He grabbed your hand again, before pulling you behind him. He stopped to grab the blanket on which you had been sitting, and then you followed him to the beach, walking down the small dirt path in the forest.
The beach opened up in front of you, sand shining under the light of a thousand stars. The waves were smaller tonight, but their melody met the one in your heart, the one that was becoming louder with every stroke of Jungkook’s thumb on the back of your hand.
You took off your shoes, grabbing them in your hands before walking on the beach, turning left to head into the horizon. The sand was cold, under your toes, but the warm presence of Jungkook next to you compensated.
“I hope you’ve been enjoying yourself”, he said, glancing at you once before looking up at the sky.
You smiled, a soft smile that barely even tugged at the corners of your lips. “I am. Far more than I thought I would.”
He sighed in relief, and though he wasn’t holding your hand anymore, his gravity pulled you closer. Made you step just a little closer to him, until his arm was brushing yours each time you took a step.
“I’m glad.”
You walked in silence for a time, until Jungkook seemed to judge the spot good enough to lie down. You helped him put the large blanket on the ground, before sitting on it, feet digging in the sand.
“How does it feel to be twenty-five?” he asked.
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. “I’ve been twenty-six since the beginning of the year?”
He chuckled then, nudging you with his elbow. “I meant in international age. You’re older than me by a little less than a month.”
You smiled wickedly as you met his gaze. “And yet you haven’t called me nuna once.”
He laughed, before lying down, hands beneath his head. He watched you for a time, before his eyes slid to the sky above. “Would you want me to call you that?”
You scrunched up your nose in disgust, shaking your head forcefully.
“Understood.” He laughed again, before glancing at the spot next to him. “Why don’t you lie down?”
You were admiring the sea and its waves, watching them hit the shore relentlessly.
“I’m happy to be here”, you said, letting the truth fall from your mouth, even as your heart was trying to tell you not to.
To tell you to keep some mystery and enigma, so you could protect yourself.
“Something has been haunting you”, Jungkook said, voice low.
He wasn’t looking at you when you glanced at him, and you lay down next to him, eyes meeting the constellations in the sky. There was a veil, over the sea, where a thin cloud hid the stars, but most of the night shone over you, twinkling lights that reminded you of the man next to you.
You didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know if you were willing to tell him, to let him know about your vulnerability. About the demons that still haunted you, the ones he could chase away when you looked at the galaxies in his eyes, when you took the time to explore his worlds.
“This time of the year is always hard, for me”, you admitted. Refusing to turn your head towards him as you felt his gaze on your profile.
He stayed silent for a time, as if expecting you to continue, before speaking. “You don’t like celebrating your birthday?”
You chuckled, shaking your head a little. “No. I wish it could be just that.” Your voice was shaking a little, and you hated it. Hated how your heart had picked up its pace in your chest, adrenaline pumping in your blood.
As if you were in danger, when you were just about to tell Jungkook about your past. And maybe you were, maybe giving him that power over you was a danger in itself, but you couldn’t stop. Not when he had been so sweet, since last week. Not when he was looking at you like that, with the galaxies in his eyes feeling like home.
You hadn’t felt that way about anyone in a long time.
“My boyfriend died, at the end of July, a couple years ago.”
There was a heavy silence. As if even the waves had stopped, holding their breath as your words echoed over the water, getting lost in the horizon. It was a loud silence, one that ached far more than words ever could.
You turned your head to look at Jungkook. To meet the darkness that had taken over his eyes. The concern and grief for you swallowed his stars whole until his gaze had turned fully black.
“He died in a car accident. Well, at the hospital after the accident.”
Jungkook remained silent and you suddenly felt awkward. Awkward and angry to have revealed your secrets to him. You sat up, eyes getting lost in the distance again, as you brought your knees to your chest.
“Sorry.”
Jungkook sat up next to you, and he brushed a strand of your hair behind your ear. It was intimate, the way he did it, with his fingers lingering on your cheeks after. “Don’t be sorry.”
“I don’t know why I’m telling you”, you admitted, and there was an edge to your voice.
“It’s okay, Y/n”, he said, voice gentle and reassuring. “You can talk to me about anything.”
You wondered if that was true. If he’d want to listen to the feelings in your heart, when you got lost in his galaxies.
“His name was Kim Soobin”, you said, because you really needed to get the truth out. To tell the boy with galaxies in his eyes what made you the person that you were. “He was the one to train me, as a tattoo artist.”
Jungkook nodded, looking in the distance. “Was he your first?”
“He was.” You swallowed the lump that was forming in your throat. “He was my first everything.” You paused, eyes falling to the sand in which your feet were digging again, as if they’d find any form of comfort in the cold humidity of it. “It’s been hard to let people in after him.”
Jungkook moved a little closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. You shivered, as if you suddenly were freezing, and you leaned your head on his shoulder. His warmth moved through you, slowly, anchoring you in the present.
“I think that’s why I’m telling you”, you admitted.
He put his head on top of yours, as his hand started stroking your arm gently. “You loved him a lot, I can understand why it’s hard.”
You weren’t quite sure what to reply to that. Because it was true, you had loved Soobin a lot. Still loved him a lot. But you doubted Jungkook could understand the type of loss you had been through. Maybe it was selfish, for you to feel like that, but you hated when people told you they understood.
They couldn’t.
“I mean”, he said after a time. “I don’t think I can understand. I’ve never been through something like that.”
Oh.
“And I am sorry you did. I just hope I can help ease the pain.”
There were tears blurring your eyes then. You didn’t dry the one that rolled on your cheek, didn’t dare move at all. Because Jungkook did ease the pain, better than anything ever could. You didn’t quite think about Soobin, when you were with him. It was Jungkook, and his galaxies and stars, that occupied your brain.
Maybe that most of all was your biggest fear. Because it gave him too much, over you. The feelings in your heart made Jeon Jungkook dangerous.
“You do”, you replied nonetheless. “At first it was just sex, but…” You trailed off, as he pressed the gentlest kiss on the top of your head. It silenced the fear in your heart, and one of your hands snaked around his waist, so you could hug him close. “You are a good person, Jeon Jungkook.”
He lay down, pulling you with him, until he was on his back with your head on his shoulder. His arms were holding you close, and you started playing with the hem of his shirt.
“So are you, Y/n”, he breathed. “I find myself lucky to have met you.”
Tears were pricking at your eyes again, but for a completely different reason now.
“Why did we make a deal like that?” you asked.
You wondered if Jungkook was going to reply, as silence stretched between you. Maybe asking it had been a mistake, maybe you should have…
“We could see where this trip brings us”, he murmured.
His heart was beating loud in his chest, so loud you could hear its every beat.
“Would you like that?” you asked.
He kissed your forehead then and his free arm moved up to cup your cheek. “Look at me.”
You did, meeting the infinity of his eyes. Falling face first until you were swimming in his galaxies. Until his worlds were swirling around you, all of them feeling close and dear to you. All of them feeling familiar, as if you had been meant to be their explorer.
“I would like that very much”, he finally replied.
He pulled you in again then, his gravity so strong your lips pressed against the pillowy softness of his. It took both of you aback, and you pulled away, just enough to gaze into his eyes again. Just enough to see the smile forming on his mouth, before you pressed your lips on his again.
The kiss was slow and gentle. Gentle like everything about Jungkook, when it came to you. It had your heart beating steadily in your chest, to the same beat in his, and he pulled you closer, hand finding the nape of your neck, until your tongue darted out to meet his, halfway between your mouth.
Even then, the rhythm remained slow, as if you had all the time in the universe. And maybe you did, and the universe had stopped, for you. Had decided to give you this bubble, outside of time, so you could indulge in each other. So you could taste the other, in a way you had forbidden at first.
The kiss was intoxicating, but the good kind of intoxicating. The one that left your mind feeling like it was floating above the clouds, swimming in the stars up ahead. In those in his gaze too, but you knew them like the back of your hand already.
It was strange, how easy it had been, to get lost in Jeon Jungkook. You wondered if you had gotten lost that first day, when he had stepped in your shop. When your body had been inexplicably attracted to his.
Jungkook sighed in the kiss, as he made you turn until he was hovering over you. Your arms wrapped around his neck, holding him ever so closer, and you let out a breathy sound as he sucked on your bottom lip.
“I’ve been dying to kiss you for so long”, he breathed, lips moving against yours as he spoke.
Had he been just a little farther away, he would have seen the blush creeping up on your cheeks. But he wasn’t, and his lips pressed on yours again, kissed you until you got drunk with the taste of him.
Your thoughts tried to hold onto coherency, onto anything so you wouldn’t get forever lost, but as your tongues met again, the sense in your head dissolved into nothingness.
Your last thought was that it was better than you had expected, to kiss a man with a piercing. You weren’t quite sure if that was because of the piercing, or because Jungkook was the one you were kissing.
Jungkook climbed on top of you, knee spreading your legs apart until you had wrapped them around his waist. His arms were on the two sides of your head, as he leaned on his forearms not to crush you. He kept kissing you, barely ever pulling away. Just enough so you could suck in a breath, before he was kissing you again.
You never wanted the kiss to end. It healed something in you, to have someone kissing you like that.
You ran a hand through his soft hair, pulling at the longer strands on the back of his head, just a little, just enough for him to pull away.
“Jungkook-ah”, you whispered, and his eyes fluttered open, right at the same time as yours did.
“Y/n.”
You smiled, echoing his own smile, as you gazed up at his eyes. At the night sky behind him, inside of him.
“Kiss me again”, you breathed.
He chuckled as he obeyed. It was a passionate kiss, one that had your blood turn a little hot in your veins. Not in a way that made you want his body, but rather in a way that made you want his star-filled soul.
You hoped he felt the same about you.
“We never should have made that a rule”, he said in between two kisses.
You smiled and he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours. “It makes the kiss better.”
He lifted his head enough for you to look him in the eyes. He had a confused crease between his brows, one that you could see even in the darkness surrounding you.
“Why?”
You pursed your lips. “Because we’ve been craving to kiss each other for a long time.”
“Have we?” He smirked, before pecking your lips. He seemed to reconsider it, and he kissed you again, slow and steady. “We have.”
You gazed at each other then, long enough for you to explore all the worlds in his eyes. It filled your chest with warmth, the kind of warmth that melted the snow after a long winter. And each time you blinked, you were relieved he was still there, and not an invention of your mind.
“Thank you”, you said, as your eyes fluttered close when he kissed your forehead.
“What for?”
You thought about it for a time. Surprisingly enough, this time, when Soobin invaded your thoughts, your heart didn’t constrict in your chest, it didn’t ache the way it usually did. There was some lingering sadness, as there always would be, but it wasn’t like before.
“For not being weird, about Soobin.”
He pecked your nose then, before pulling away, rolling until he was lying next to you again. “I am happy you feel comfortable enough with me to talk to me about what’s been haunting you.”
You turned on your side, until you could gaze at him as he looked at the stars. “You know you can tell me about you too, right?”
“I know.” He smiled, glancing at you once. “But today is about you.”
“What if I want you to talk to me about you?”
He turned on his side, meeting your eyes. “Then I’d tell you that I don’t have a story like yours to share.”
“You’re an idol, I’m pretty sure you have hundreds of stories to share.”
He chuckled, before playing with his piercing. “Maybe I do. We need to save something for later.”
It made you wary, just a little, to have him refuse to talk to you. But then again, if he didn’t want to talk, it was his choice. You wouldn’t push. Like he hadn’t really pushed you to tell your story either. But you knew there was a story to him too. You could see it in the darkness invading his eyes, in the vulnerability that had him look away from you.
“Alright then, keep your secrets”, you said, trying to keep your tone light.
You knew you had succeeded as he turned on his back again, pointing to the sky above. “Don’t you want to look at the stars?”
“I do”, you said, though it took you a moment before you turned on your back too.
You stayed there with Jungkook for a long time, until time started again, until the stars above became a map you knew by heart too. And exhaustion eventually caught up to you, having you yawn, though you tried to hide it behind your hand.
“Do you want to go to bed?” Jungkook asked, as he held in his own yawn.
You shrugged. “We can stay a little longer.”
You were glad you had chosen to stay, when a shooting star cut through the sky.
“Did you see that?” you asked excitedly, sitting up. “There was a shooting star!”
He laughed, and he sat up too. “I saw it. We have to make a wish.”
And as you looked him in the eyes, looked at his own stars and galaxies, you knew what you wished. Knew it as if it was the secret to your universe.
Please don’t leave me like Soobin did.
 *****
                 “Don’t make any noise”, Jungkook said as you walked back to the fireside, hand in hand. “I think everyone went to bed.”
And it seemed so, because once you reached the fire, only embers greeted you. You held onto Jungkook’s hand, as you looked around.
There was a light on in Aera and Eunwoo’s tent, and it took a moment for your brain to register the shadows on the canvas of the tent.
“Oh my God”, you let out.
Jungkook looked at you over his shoulder, and his eyes trailed to what you were looking out.
There was the distinct sound of moaning, and you exchanged a look, before bursting out laughing.
“Oh my God”, he echoed as he laughed. “They have no shame.”
“Don’t speak so loud”, you told him. “We don’t want to make them uncomfortable.”
He shrugged, before pulling you towards your own tent. “They are so into each other.”
“They are”, you agreed.
You stopped in front of your tent. Jungkook stood in front of you, head tilted so he could kiss your forehead. He had been doing that a lot, now. And it was so sweet, so warm, that you wrapped your arms around him to hug him tight to your chest. He chuckled, and the sound reverberated through his chest.
“Do you want to share a tent?” you asked then.
Because you didn’t want to let him go yet. Didn’t want to part ways for the night, when God knew there was a high chance you’d part ways at the end of this trip.
Or maybe you were just getting tired, and your fears held a stronger grip on you when you were.
“I snore.”
You snorted, glancing at his tent two meters away from yours. “I’m pretty sure we’ve put our tents close enough for me to hear you snoring over there.”
He glanced at his tent too, before letting out a small laugh. “Fair enough. Let me just grab my stuff.”
You let him go so he could do just that, watching him unzip his tent. He grabbed his duffel bag and his sleeping bag, before moving towards you.
“You didn’t bring a pillow?” you asked.
You didn’t remember bringing one into his tent earlier.
“I forgot”, he admitted. “It’s fine, I’ll steal yours.”
You glared at him, fists on your hips. “Try me.”
He pecked your lips, and your heart did a somersault in your chest.
“You can use my chest as a pillow.”
He unzipped the tent flap as you just stood there, not really knowing what to say. You were free falling – it was an exhilarating feeling, and you now understood why people liked skydiving.
Spending time with Jeon Jungkook like that felt like skydiving.
“And put my head on the source of the snoring?” you finally said. “Nu-uh, you’ll be the small spoon.”
He laughed, a clear laugh that brought the softest grin to your face. “Alright then, birthday girl.”
You followed him in the tent as he moved in, immediately going to the opposite side so you’d have enough place. It made you realize that the tent was a lot smaller than you had expected, and really you wouldn’t have a choice but cuddle Jungkook.
Had he done it on purpose, knowing that you’d find your way to each other during the night?
It was a thought that occupied your mind, as you got ready for bed with him. With him tickling you whenever he got the chance, holding you close as you tried to put on a pyjama. You laughed in his arms, trying to wiggle out of his grasp, but to no avail.
“Let me go.”
He kissed the top of your head. “No.”
“I’ll bite you.”
His cute giggle filled the space around you, until you indeed sunk your teeth in his skin, where the collar of his shirt ended.
“Ow, what the fuck!” he yelped, and you dissolved into a fit of giggles.
Until you met his darkened gaze, in the light of the lamp he had turned on after you had moved into the tent.
You gulped, glancing down at his lips.
“That hurt”, he said, and he used one hand to massage the spot you had bit.
Even though you were now free, his gravity was too strong for you to move away. So, you moved closer, until your lips met his swollen ones, from your previous kisses.
He kissed you back, and you sighed against his lips, hand going up to pull him in by the collar of his shirt. Jungkook chuckled in the kiss, but he followed you as you lay down, with him on top of you.
With his whole body covering you, Jungkook left your mouth, to start pressing wet kisses on your jaw. And down your neck, all the way to your collarbone. He went a little up again then, and his teeth pulled at your skin as he bit you.
You whined, even though you knew you deserved it. You had been the one to do it in the first place. Yet, as Jungkook ran his tongue along the bite, it wasn’t pain that washed through you, but desire.
You ran a hand through his hair, until you grabbed at the long strands on the back to pull him back into a kiss, this time kissing him hungrily. Passionately, until he started grinding into you with the start of an erection.
“Y/n”, he breathed against your lips.
It made you moan, as he grinded into you again. “You’re driving me crazy.”
He chuckled, with manly pride. “I know.”
You sucked on his bottom lip, tongue darting to play with his piercing, like you had wanted to do for so long. He groaned, and one of his hands went down until he could hook one of your legs around his waist, to grind into you from a better angle. It had him hit your clit, and you let out a moan as you let go of his lip.
“I’m going to take my time with you tonight”, Jungkook said, and he once again aimed for your neck.
Before going down and down, until he had found a spot for himself between your legs. He looked heavenly good down there, even more so as he pulled your panties down.              
Good thing you had only had time to put your shirt on, and your shorts had been forgotten somewhere in the tent.
“Take off your shirt.”
Never mind.
You obeyed, sitting up just long enough to discard the piece of clothing. Jungkook drank in the sight of you, eyes going to your erect nipples.
“Play with your tits.”
Your lips pressed in a thin line as a blush crept on your cheeks. Yet you obeyed his command again, as you lied back down. He watched you carefully, for a while, admiring your every move. It made you feel strange yet hot. So hot, like you were in the middle of the galaxies in his eyes. Like you had been swallowed by one of his suns. And maybe you had been.
Especially as his mouth met the skin of your inner thigh, and he sucked on it.
“Do you want me to eat you out?” he said against your skin, right as he moved to your other thigh, his nose grazing your most sensitive area.
“Do I really need to answer that?”
He chuckled again, before diving in. Going right to sucking on your clit, instead of easing you into it like he usually did. It startled you, making you buck your hips forward, until he rested one of his hands flat on you, pushing you right back to the ground.
You let go of one of your breasts to grab a handful of his hair, as his tongue drew a circle around your clit. His eyes opened to meet yours, and they were dark, so dark. But not with vulnerability. They rather were filled with burning lust, and it made you pussy clench.
He kept eating you out, gaze locked to yours, until you started grinding into his mouth, trying to add more pressure to his ministrations. He got the clue, spreading his tongue flat against you, and before you knew it he was fingering you with one finger, arching it to find the spot that he knew made you come in no time.
That he knew made you squirt like there was no tomorrow. It had embarrassed you, at first, but you knew he loved it. Knew it by the way he kept making you come again, making you squirt as he lapped up your juices. And that was what he did just then, making you come as he added a second finger, pumping his digits in and out of you quickly, until your juice was dripping down his chin.
Only then did he pull away, breathing raggedly. He wasted no time before kissing you, letting you taste yourself on him. You moaned in the kiss, and he laughed, before pulling away and sitting back on his heels.
“Don’t be too loud, we wouldn’t want people to hear us.”
You only then remembered that you were in a tent, right next to your friends and Jungkook’s, and that you had just moaned Jungkook’s name as you came.
“They probably already heard us”, you pointed out.
Jungkook smirked. “Oh, I made sure they did.”
You shook your head as you chuckled. “You’re insufferable.”
“You like it.”
You couldn’t deny it, so you instead played with the hem of his shirt. He took that as a cue to take it off, and you watched the strong planes of his body as the shirt met your pyjama somewhere next to you. You ran your hands on his chest, admiring him in the soft glow of the lamp.
“You are beautiful, Jungkook”, you breathed.
He lost his smirk, as his eyes filled with hundreds of emotions, cheeks tinting pink. “I love it when you call me Jungkook”, he admitted, eyes dipping to your lips.
“I know.” You smiled, wetting your lips. “Wait till I moan it again.”
The smirk came back full force, and he crashed his lips on yours again, kissing you hungrily until you were gasping for air. He pulled away then, to take off his pants and underwear. You made place for him between your legs as he came back, nestling himself between your thighs.
He ran his hands along the skin, leaving a trail of goosebump behind, as his cock rested on your pelvis. You sat up, hand moving between you so you could grab his shaft, pumping it up and down slowly. He grunted, the pillowy softness of his lips a ghost against yours.
“I’m going to fuck you slow tonight”, he said as he rested his forehead against yours. “I want you to forget about everything but my cock inside of you.”
Your grip on him tightened, and you ran your thumb on his head to collect the precum at the slit. “I always forget everything when you fuck me with your fat cock.”
And it was true, Jungkook had an above average dick. Not excessively big, but big enough for him to have to give you a moment to adjust, even after he had been fingering you. Though it always helped, if he had before, spreading your walls enough for them to be ready to welcome him in.
By the juice that was still drying on his chin, you knew you were way ready.
“Do you now?” he asked cockily.
It made you chuckle lightly, and you pecked his lips.
It was true. He was all you could think of, when you were entwined with him like that. And it was healing, oh so healing.
“Yeah.”
He smiled, a wide happy smile. Until you picked up your pace, and a moan escaped the confines of his mouth.
“Who’s got to be silent now, mmh?” you said, making him chuckle.
“Lie down, I want to be inside of you”, he replied. And it was said with a soft edge to it, as if the fondness in him had won against his lust.
That, more than anything, made you lie down. He grabbed his cock, running it up and down your folds a few times to collect your juice. He met your gaze as he did so, and your heart burst with warmth. Until he pushed in, and your heart burst with pleasure instead, making your eyes shut.
He immediately put a hand above your mouth, and you moaned right in his palm.
He sheathed himself entirely inside of you before letting go of your mouth, only replacing his palm with his mouth. His lips danced against yours, and you wrapped your arms around his neck, to hold him close. He didn’t move his hips for a time, perfectly content to just be inside of you.
When he did start moving, it was to slide almost all the way out, before he thrusted in again. Far too slow, compared to what you were used to. But it was sensual, stretching every inch of you, and it felt divine.
It was different, the way you fucked that night. Your heart wanted to say it wasn’t fucking, because really, it was too filled with emotions. Too filled with stars and galaxies and kisses that had your mind dwindling to nothingness.
It made you reach a different high too, one that just filled you with a soft warmth, like there was a bonfire in your heart and he was feeding it logs to keep it going all night. He reached his high, too, as he was still sliding in and out slowly, pace never faltering.
And even after he came, stilling inside of you, Jungkook kept on kissing you, swallowing all the little breathy moans that fell from your mouth. Until he just rested his forehead against yours, and you breathed the same air for a while.
It took him a time, to climb down from on top of you. And when he did, he offered you one of his oversize sweaters, getting dressed along with you to accompany you to the bathroom. He held your hand all the way there, and then all the way back, thumb brushing against the back of your hand as he peppered small kisses on your temple.
And as much as it felt right, you hated it. Hated that as you came down from your high, you realized you had betrayed all of the rules you had made.
You had feelings for the boy with galaxies in his eyes.
 *****
                 The waves of the ocean were a constant rhythm, along with the wind. A soft breeze, a warm one, that caressed your skin as you floated up and down, following the rhythm, the breathing of the sea under you. Seagulls cried in the sky, as you gazed up at the heavens with a smile on your face, basking in the rays of the sun.
The ocean was calm today. Happy, relieved of the tension. Or maybe that was just you. Because you had woken up in Jungkook’s arms, and it had felt perfect.
It was a good birthday.
The cool water lapped at your thighs, where your legs disappeared in the sea, on the two sides of the surfboard you had rented for the day. The waves were small, too small to surf, yet you had tried going into the water, along with Aera, while the boys played volleyball on the beach. Aera was lying on her surfboard next to you, eyes shut as she just let it float on the water, and Minchae was sunbathing somewhere on the beach.
You made sure you didn’t float away from the coast, but it felt like the ocean had no plan to pull you in, when the boy with galaxies in his eyes had already did. Indeed, it almost felt like you were always gravitating back to him, to the soft smile he had offered you all morning, as he had made you coffee. As he had made you sit in his lap, cuddling on a chair outside in front of all your friends.
Aera had taken one look at you, this morning, and had offered you the most crooked grin she could muster up.
She had then wished you happy birthday, and had offered you a small gift, with Cartier bands in it, for the two of you. Friendship rings, and it had had your eyes watering a little, though you had kept it in.
Aera truly was the best friend you could have ever hoped for.
“I can’t believe how much our lives have changed”, Aera said, voice floating above the sounds of the ocean to meet your ears.
You chuckled. “It’s crazy.”
Aera sat up, swaying a little on the water before her eyes found yours. “I’m glad you found Jungkook.”
It had a lump form in your throat, and you remained silent.
“He’s going to be good for you.”
It made you glimpse at Jungkook, and he waved at you from his spot on the beach.
“He is”, you admitted, eyes sliding back to Aera, who had the smallest and softest smile on her lips. “I’m lucky to have met him.”
Aera nodded, and a silence moved between you, as you went back to enjoy the sun.
“Soobin would be happy for you, you know?” Aera said. It was said like a question, as if she needed the reassurance that you weren’t going to push Jungkook away, like you had pushed most of everyone else after Soobin.
You blinked back an unexpected wave of tears. “I know. Sometimes…” you trailed off, searching for words. “Sometimes I think Soobin is the one that sent me Jungkook.”
Aera had silver in her eyes when you met her gaze again. “Maybe he did.”
As you remembered Jungkook last night, and the sea of stars in the sky and in his eyes, you were almost convinced that it was the truth. That you had always been meant to find Jungkook, after Soobin’s journey in your life.
You were aware that you were falling, and falling hard. For someone that hadn’t let herself love anyone after Soobin, you had fallen for Jeon Jungkook far quicker than you had thought it possible.
After all, there had been a reason why you only did momentary connections before him.
You stayed in the water with Aera for a little longer, watching a few shearwaters flying to reach the small fishing boat you could see in the distance. Watching the boys on the otherwise empty beach – they had almost rented the whole camping to make sure you were going to be alone.
It was a great birthday indeed, you told yourself every time you met Jungkook’s gaze, even in the distance. As if his galaxies always knew where to find you. And maybe they did.
You hoped that they did.
It was hard to accept the vulnerability. To let it in, after having pushed it back for years. But it felt like you were coming alive again, seeing colors for the first time in a while. The full spectrum of the rainbow, dancing on the scenes in front of your eyes.
A little later, you noticed Jungkook walking away. He had done it once already, coming back with water for everyone, along with Jimin, Yugyeom and Mingyu. So, you shrugged it off, focusing on trying to lie down on the surfboard without falling in the water.
Another moment of peace, as you watched the fluffy white clouds travelling across the sky. Until Aera’s voice broke you out of the zenitude, bringing you back down to Earth.
“Who is that, with Jungkook?” she asked.
Maybe you knew then, that the peace was over. Because your heart filled with dread, the kind that makes one feel like the beating of their heart will cease to exist.
You sat up, slowly, glancing towards the beach again. There were two girls, with Jungkook. A tall one, with legs that went on for days and long hair that swept at the small of her back, and a smaller one with shoulder-length pink hair. Even in the distance, you could feel the intensity of Jungkook’s gaze on the tall one, intensity that she seemed to reciprocate.
“I didn’t know other girls were coming”, you admitted.
You watched as Jungkook spoke with the girls, until he was joined by Eunwoo. Eunwoo, who threw an arm around Jungkook and motioned towards you and Aera, saying something in Jungkook’s ear.
Jungkook shrugged off Eunwoo’s arm, before glancing once at you. There was a small moment, where your eyes met and everything seemed fine, until he looked away and took a step towards the tall girl. Saying something to her, and then they were walking away, just the two of them, following the coastline towards the north.
Eunwoo’s eyes slid to you then, while the pink-haired girl folded her arms on her chest, eyes moving to you a moment later. It felt too out of place, in this idyllic picture, with the lush trees in the background and the shining sand and the blue of the sky.
The moment felt out of place, like it was happening in the wrong universe.
Aera was looking at you, when you turned your head towards her.
“Who’s that?”
You swallowed, surprised to hear the gulp you emitted. “I don’t know.”
Aera was a good friend. Because she sensed your unease immediately, as your eyes didn’t quite focus on her face. Made you get out of the water, and then hooked her arm with yours, as she guided you towards the pink-haired girl, looking for answers.
Walking on the sand felt strange, after having been in the water for so long. Like you weren’t quite adjusted to the gravity anymore. Or perhaps gravity had shifted, in this new universe.
“Hi”, Aera said with a chirpy voice. “Didn’t expect to have other girls joining us.”
She glanced at you, before resuming her attention on the stranger. “I’m Aera, and this is Y/n.”
The girl smiled a tight-lipped smile that felt more awkward than anything. “Nice to meet you. I’m Seungwan.”
She looked at you, and her eyes held no expression whatsoever for you to interpret. Just a bleak look that felt like trouble, in some sort of way.
“Nice to meet you”, you said. Filling the awkward silence, as Aera cocked her head to the side.
“You know Jungkook?” she asked, and you almost wanted to pinch her arm.
Perhaps because you didn’t want to hear the answer to that.
“Yeah, he dated Sena for a really long time.”
She said that looking in the direction of Jungkook and the tall girl. It didn’t take more than that for you to connect the dots. To understand that Jungkook was with his ex, talking to her, just a few hundred yards away.
A whole world away.
“What are you doing here?” Aera asked, and all the friendliness had left her voice.
Bless her.
“We were just camping and we ran into Jungkook on the way to the beach.”
You were barely even listening anymore, looking towards Jungkook as he spoke to the girl. They had stopped and were now standing one in front of the other. They seemed close, and a stupid part of your brain hoped it was because they were far, and your eyes couldn’t really tell.
You didn’t know how to feel, all of a sudden. Some part of you wanted to be angry at Jungkook, for talking to his ex in front of you like that… But he owed you nothing.
You owed him nothing.
“Alright then”, Aera said, and she looked at her nails, an eyebrow cocked in indifference. “And why are they speaking now?”
Seungwan looked uncomfortable, and she glanced at you. You held her gaze, face falling into a cold mask.
“Uh…They really loved each other?”
It hurt you. As if Jungkook hadn’t been allowed to love anyone else before you. You hadn’t even allowed him to love you, at first.
It hit you then. He had been the one to ask for the no feelings rule. Maybe, maybe there had been a reason why Jeon Jungkook didn’t want you falling in love.
“Weird, I wouldn’t talk to my ex”, Aera said.
Eunwoo moved back next to you then, and he had a stern expression on his face. Seungwan blushed, looking down at her feet, and Eunwoo rolled his eyes, before glancing at Aera and you.
His gaze landed on Aera more than you, and it almost felt like a conversation moved between them. And maybe it did, because Eunwoo crossed his arms on his chest, looking down at the pink-haired girl.
“You should go get Sena and leave.”
Seungwan pursed her lips, furrowing her brows. “Why?”
“Because she’s ruining the atmosphere, and we don’t need her here.”
There was a smile that wanted to break on your face hearing that. But it didn’t, unable to reach your lips when you remembered that Jungkook had chosen to speak to Sena in the first place.
“They can do whatever they want, you know.”
“Easy to say for you”, Eunwoo said, chuckling bitterly. “You didn’t have to take care of Jungkook after she broke his heart.”
Seungwan rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”
She still obeyed, and you watched her storm off towards Jungkook and Sena. The two exes seemed like they were speaking vehemently and you found yourself gulping.
“Don’t let it get to your head”, Eunwoo said, voice reassuring. “Those two girls are bitches.”
You nodded, meeting his gaze. You found you were too much of a coward to hold it.
It took a moment for Jungkook to come back. For him to walk with his head hung low towards the rest of the group. He didn’t meet your gaze, moving towards where the trees threw shade on the beach, and he sat down, resting his hands on his knees as his eyes slid to the sea.
It was hard to pretend it didn’t upset you, but you shrugged it off. If he needed a moment to think, you weren’t going to be the one to interrupt. You respected him too much for that, but mostly you respected yourself too much.
You had never been one to beg a guy for attention, and Jeon Jungkook was no different.
So, you moved to where the rest of the boys were, even as Aera asked you if you were fine. You reassured her, insisting that you didn’t care, insisting that Jungkook could speak to whoever he wanted, until she finally dropped it.
You let her join the volleyball game as Jimin decided to stop playing, jogging to your side.
“Y/n!” he greeted you happily, a wide grin on his face.
You were glad to see the shadows had left his gaze, after the last time you had seen him.
“Hey”, you greeted him back. “How’s the tattoo?”
The grin melted into a smaller smile. “I love it. I wanted to say thank you again.”
You bowed to him to show your gratitude. “Of course.”
“Also, I heard it’s your birthday?”
You nodded. “Yeah, it is.”
“Happy birthday!”
He offered you a small hug, and you caught a whiff of his cologne. Who wore cologne when they were camping?
But Jimin was friendly. Really friendly, a deep contrast to what Jungkook had turned into. Because Jungkook didn’t quite meet your gaze, after that. Didn’t really look at you at all, as if you didn’t really exist. There was darkness in his eyes, the vulnerable one that made his stars go out. Like a solar eclipse, yet the moon had stopped its course in front of the sun, plunging his worlds into eternal darkness.
You didn’t know if you wanted to try to reach his light, behind the moon. Not when he was being so distant and cold, so different to what he had been like just a few hours before.
Before his ex had walked back into his life.
You wondered how you would have acted had the roles been reversed. Had Soobin still been alive and he’d come to this beach. And you didn’t really want to know the answer, so you pushed the thought to the far back of your mind. Tried to tell yourself that Jungkook just needed time, and that he’d speak to you when he was ready.
You didn’t want to put pressure on him, when he looked so vulnerable, so close to breaking.
So, you spent the rest of the day with your friends, the ghost of Jungkook following all of you around. Not really participating in the partying that ensued, as the boys decided your birthday was a good enough reason to get plastered. Not really eating when it was time to eat, and that most of all scared the shit out of you.
Jungkook had to be severely upset, to have lost his appetite like that.
Aera looked angrier, as time went by. Offering deathly stares to Jungkook, until you elbowed her in the ribs and told her it was fine. She always resumed the glaring as soon as you turned your back, because maybe she knew.
Maybe she knew that deep down, the behaviour Jungkook was portraying right now… it was killing you. Reminding you of how much you hated birthdays, how much you hated that you were constantly getting older, while Soobin hadn’t aged a year since that fatal July day.
But you had always been a party girl, and so you let the energy of the moment carry you. You knew you’d crash eventually, but Jungkook didn’t have to ruin this birthday. You had ruined enough birthdays yourself.
After the sun had set, you all went for a swim, under the sea of stars. They felt different today – colder, fewer, as if most of the ones you had seen last night had been in Jungkook’s eyes. And maybe they had been, and the loss of his galaxies could be seen in the sky up above.
Jungkook had stayed on the beach, looking at you from his sad spot. You liked to tell yourself his eyes were following you, but you were pretty sure they were still lost in the distance, as his mind replayed his memories.
Maybe that was it. Seeing Sena had had him getting stuck in the past, and you just needed to push him into the present again.
You swam out of the water, wringing your hair as you walked towards him. The oversized t-shirt you had been wearing all day to protect the barely healed tattoo from the sun clung to your skin, acting as if it was second skin to you. Jungkook acknowledged your presence by vaguely looking at you, before looking in the distance again.
You sat next to him, bringing your legs to your chest as you followed his gaze, eyes moving to your friends playing in the water. You remained silent, even when sitting next to him like that felt strangely awkward.
As if he wasn’t the Jungkook you had known before.
“Why don’t you enjoy yourself with everyone?” he asked after a while. His voice sounded different, distant, as if he indeed was lost in the past.
You shrugged. “I want to spend time with you too.”
“Oh.” He fell silent, for a long time, before he scraped his throat. “Are you enjoying your birthday?”
You wanted to be angry at him, then. To tell him that he had been acting like a dick, all day, but really, you didn’t find it in you to be that honest with him.
Not when a part of you still believed he could be redeemed.
“It’s been…” you trailed off, as Minchae screamed from the water, right before her scream was cut off by Jaehyun pulling her under the surface with him. “It’s been fun.”
You glanced at his profile. Willed his eyes to slide to yours, but they remained on the horizon of his past.
“You can talk to me, you know”, you said. A hand held out for him, if he was willing to take it.
You watched his Adam apple bob as he swallowed. His eyes fell to the sand in front of him, and he slowly shook his head. “I don’t want to talk.”
It angered you. Just a little. And maybe if you hadn’t drunk before, honesty wouldn’t have found its way to your mouth. But there was nothing to stop it now, no inhibitions left behind.
“It’s a little unfair, don’t you think?” you said. “I offered you my secrets last night, my biggest vulnerabilities, and still you remain closed off.”
His brows knit on his face. Maybe you had gone too far, but you wanted to get a reaction out of him. Anything, to shake him out of the darkness in his eyes.
“Isn’t that a little selfish?” he asked. “To expect me to talk just because you confided in me.”
Maybe it was. Maybe it was inherently selfish, to expect him to give you something of him too. To believe you were owed a piece of him, when you had offered him the biggest piece of you last night. But you had always been a firm believer that people couldn’t just take in life. Life was about giving and receiving.
Maybe you were selfish indeed.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to”, you said, voice a little strained from the offense that had taken over you, at being called selfish.
Because even if you knew some part of you was, no one liked to be told their flaws.
“Well, I won’t.”
There was a heavy silence then. A silence empty of all the warmth he had brought to you last night and this morning. A silence empty of the feeling of his soft lips against yours, and the praises he had whispered on your skin. It made you swallow a sudden lump in your throat, and you got up.
You needed to escape, before his vulnerability reached you too.
“Alright then”, you let out flatly. “You know where to find me if you change your mind.”
You took a couple of steps away, before turning to look at him. His eyes were staring at the spot where you had been sitting a moment ago, and it made you ache. Ache as you wanted to still be sitting there, and to have his eyes on you instead.
“I’m going to take a shower, I’ll meet you all at the tents.”
He nodded, almost imperceptibly, and you turned back around. Leaving him in his darkness, and in the sorrow that was plaguing him.
The shower you took was long. Cold, as if the heater had gone out, like the warmth in Jungkook’s eyes had. And when you were done, you stayed in the bathroom a little longer. In its artificial light, a light that suddenly felt safe. Safer than whatever was inhabiting Jungkook.
Maybe you were a coward, for dreading the moment you’d go back to the camping site. Maybe you were a coward indeed.
It took you a while to collect yourself. To remind yourself that Jungkook’s behaviour didn’t have to matter. That tomorrow you’d go back to Seoul and you could pretend the weekend had never happened. Could pretend that Jeon Jungkook’s journey in your life had never happened.
You missed home, then. Not your parents’ house. No, you missed the safety of Soobin’s arms, where nothing had ever been wrong. Where the universe had always felt like it was running on the right course, and not derailing, spinning off its axis.
You collected your stuff, before glancing at yourself in the mirror one last time. Breathing in, holding your breath, before letting it out. Your heart didn’t quite seem like it wanted you to go out in the night again, but you steeled yourself, willing it to stop guiding your every move, and you stepped outside.
The contrast from the neon lights to the lone yellow lamp next to the door had you blinking a few times, trying to bring your eyes to focus. It took a moment for them to adjust, and once they did, you started the walk back, choosing the darkness of the night as your companion, instead of using the flashlight of your phone to guide you.
Your steps knew where to take you, and a few minutes later you could hear the sound of music and laughter. It felt out of place, that happy universe of your friends, when you were unsure what to feel. Yet you let your face break into a smile, as you stepped into the circle of light that encompassed the camping site.
Your eyes scanned the scene – Minchae and Jaehyun cuddling next to the fire, eating marshmallows together, while Mingyu tended to the flames. Eunwoo, Aera, and Yugyeom, playing a drinking game with Jimin laughing his ass off rolling on the ground next to them. They looked happy, all of them, a scenery straight from a coming-of-age movie. It gave you a little warmth, to know that you’d have the chance to participate in it, to become part of the scene, if you let yourself.
But something was missing. Its absence was far brighter than the happiness, as if the key to the keyhole was missing.
Jungkook wasn’t there. And your eyes searched for him, instinctively, until you had walked closer to the fire, aiming for your tent so you could put your stuff down. When you passed next to Mingyu, he met your inquisitive gaze, and you immediately knew what he was going to say.
“Don’t look for him”, he said. “He left with Sena, saying they needed to talk.”
You stopped walking, holding onto your stuff as if it’d anchor you. “Did he say how long he’ll be gone?”
Minchae was the one to answer. “Y/n, just forget him, we all can see how hung up he still is over her.”
You looked at her, cocking an eyebrow, right as Jaehyun said something in her ear. She looked sheepish, then, as if she hadn’t realized her words had come off as mean.
“Sorry”, she apologized, and then she shrugged her shoulders. “You’re way better than her anyway, she’s built like a skeleton.”
You snorted, laughter bubbling from the least expected place. You had never liked Minchae, but the way she had said it… It made you smile, and you let Jungkook go from your thoughts.
At least you hoped you did.
“Then make me some marshmallows, and we should all play Titanic after.”
Minchae smiled a wicked smile, and for the first time in your life you found yourself liking her. Her and her usual better-than-you attitude. Because maybe she was, and you had always just been jealous.
It didn’t matter anymore, not as you returned to partying, and Jungkook dwindled away from your thoughts with each mix of beer and soju you had to drink – you had always sucked at Titanic. Not when the stars up above started feeling right again, because friends had always been more important to you anyway.
Friends that were willing to party for your birthday like that, mostly. Especially Aera, and her shamelessness in making the most sexual jokes she could think of, making everyone cringe but you and Eunwoo. Jimin too, and the friendliness that was oozing from him.
Jimin knew how to have fun, and how to make sure the people around him were having fun too. He was a kind soul, a gentle soul, and you were happy his shadows had lifted. He looked a lot better when he was shining like that.
Maybe that was why you found yourself sitting at the fire with him, sometime before dawn. Sometime after everyone had gone to bed, and you had decided to prolong the night a little, holding on to its revelry and happiness.
Holding on to everything that could chase the boy with galaxies in his eyes out of your mind.
“You’re not going to bed?” Jimin asked, and you startled.
You had thought he had fallen asleep a while ago.
“Nah.” You shrugged your shoulders. “The fire is not dead yet.”
He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “It’s just embers.”
It was. Yet, you didn’t really want to go to bed. Not when you knew the tent was empty, empty of the warmth of the boy who had slept next to you the night before.
Jimin threw you a careful look, as you stared into the glowing embers. He knew. You could tell he knew, yet he didn’t mention it. Didn’t tell you you were wrong, for being there waiting for Jungkook to come back.
Because that was what it was. You were waiting for him, hoping he’d come back. Hoping he’d prove that Sena didn’t really matter anymore.
Jimin’s phone dinged, a surprising sound in the middle of the seaside night. A second later he looked at it, and you couldn’t help but notice the lovesick smile that moved on his features.
Maybe there was a reason why his shadows had lifted after all.
It was fond, the way he looked at his phone, typing his reply before putting it back in his pocket. It made you jealous. Jealous, because you wished it could have been you, with a fond smile like that tonight. But it wasn’t.
Jimin met your gaze, and the fondness changed to something else. Concern, maybe.
“Who’s texting you like that?” you asked. Because you knew he had a question on his lips, one you didn’t want to hear.
The smile came back, and his eyes fell to the embers. “A friend.”
“A friend?”
He let out a small laugh, a shy laugh. “My neighbour.”
“Your neighbour?”
You had a teasing smile on your lips, and he chuckled.
“We’ve gotten closer in the last few weeks.”
He had a slight blush on his cheeks, and you knew. Knew what love looked like, because it was shining in his eyes. It was a great look, on the features of Park Jimin.
“You like her, do you?”
He didn’t reply for a long time. Face falling serious, eyes searching the embers for answers. It made you think about Jungkook, about what he was probably doing, with Sena right now.
It was poison to your heart, to think about that.
“I think I do.” The truth fell between you, like a leaf falls on water. Slowly, softly, like it’s falling right into place. “She just got out of a long relationship. I don’t think she’s ready for anything but…” Another chuckle. “I think I fell for her when she called me an asshole and threw up on my feet.”
A crease appeared between your brows. It was hard to imagine what could have made him fall, in that instance, and you couldn’t be in his memories. Couldn’t understand the feelings in his heart.
“Anyway”, he said, sitting back in his chair. “Enough sentimentality.”
You pursed your lips. “I don’t mind it”, you admitted.
But you did. Sort of. Because Jungkook hadn’t come back, and you were losing hope.
It had been stupid to have hope in the first place.
“I’m sorry”, Jimin apologized. “About Jungkook.”
Your heart froze in your chest.
“Ah, it’s fine.”
“But it’s not.” He was looking at you, but you didn’t turn your head towards him. “He cares about you, you know? But…”
But Sena had been his lover for a long time. Had probably mattered too much, for him to decide to disappear in the night with her.
“They dated for a really long time”, Jimin continued. “They were high school sweethearts.”
You weren’t sure you wanted to know, yet you let Jimin talk. Let Jimin fill the void the boy with galaxies in his eyes had left behind.
“It didn’t end well”, Jimin said. And then he scoffed, before leaning forward, putting his elbows on his knees. He rested his head on his fists, eyes getting lost in the embers again. “I don’t know if I should be telling you this.”
You met his gaze then, as he slid his eyes back to you. He looked sad. For you, or for Jungkook and his broken heart. It was hard to tell.
“It’s just…” you trailed off. “We were just fuck buddies. And then he invited me here and…”
Jimin nodded, understanding moving on his features, softening them in an expression you hated. You didn’t like when people pitied you.
“And it felt as if it was something more. He…”
You fell silent, because emotions raised in you. Emotions you didn’t want to have, didn’t want to acknowledge you had.
You really did miss Soobin in that moment.
“He’ll come back”, Jimin said. As if he was certain of it, when Jungkook still wasn’t anywhere to be seen. “Trust me.”
“It just sucks that it had to happen on my birthday.”
“Jungkook is a mess.”
There was nothing truer than that. But so were you, and maybe… Maybe that was why you had thought you were a mess together. A piece of art, in all the flaws you shared.
“That he is”, you agreed. You sighed, a heavy sound, one that put a burden on your shoulders. On your heart, as it ached in your chest. “I… I think I’ll head to bed.”
Jimin understood that you needed to be alone. That you needed to flee the conversation, because it was too true. Too close to your vulnerability, igniting it in a fire that burned and ached and suffocated you.
“Good night, Y/n.” He stayed silent as you got up. “Happy birthday again.”
You looked at him, and you hoped he couldn’t see the silver lining your gaze.
“Thank you.”
He smiled, apologetically, sadly, and you turned, heading towards your tent.
The tent where Jungkook had made love to you last night. Because that was what it had been: the way he had kissed you and held you. It had been love, though it might have never been directed at you.
Maybe he had been trying to fuck Sena out of his system, all this time.
You unzipped the tent flap, before slipping into its cool darkness. It felt better somehow than the careful eyes of Park Jimin. Eyes that had known too much. Yet the tent felt empty, terribly so, and you wished you could be home.
You laid awake for a long time, staring up at the fabric. Imagining the night sky on the other side, though it was slowly lightening, as dawn inched closer.
You laid awake for so long you thought you wouldn’t ever fall asleep. But some part of you was still waiting, hoping he’d come back.
You were finally dozing off when a voice reached your ear.
“You’re still up?”
It was Jungkook.
You could almost imagine Jimin stretching before he replied. “I don’t have a tent.”
“You could have taken my tent.”
There was a long silence. “You really think you’re going to share a tent with Y/n tonight, after spending time with Sena like that?”
Jungkook didn’t say anything.
“What the fuck was that, Kook-ie?”
“Nothing happened”, Jungkook said defensively. “We just needed some closure.”
Jimin scoffed. “You could have chosen another moment for that.”
“Fuck off, Jimin, I don’t feel like getting scolded now.”
There was a tremolo to Jungkook’s voice. A hint that he was about to cry, or had been crying before. And you could imagine he had been crying, if closure had been what he was seeking.
There was scuffling, moving closer to the tent, and you felt your heart strain in your chest. You turned on your side, shutting your eyes. Pretending you were asleep as Jungkook unzipped the tent and slid in.
You listened to him move closer, until he was lying down behind you. You could feel the weight of his gaze on the back of your head, as you felt a tear slip on your cheek.
Jungkook moved, resting his forehead on the back of your shoulder. He sighed heavily. It broke, like he was sobbing, and it hurt. Hurt and ached and burned.
“Y/n?”
His voice was broken. Sad, sorrowful, holding the weight of the universe.
He whispered something, and the meaning of his words didn’t reach your mind, his voice too low for you to hear. Until he spoke a little louder.
“Please don’t hate me.”
“Go to bed, Jungkook.”
You felt him stiffen behind you. “Y/n… I want to talk now.”
There was a plea in his voice, and it just made more tears slide on your cheeks.
“I don’t want to”, you whispered.
“Please…”
“You can’t just spend the evening with her and then decide you’re ready to talk to me.”
You wondered what his galaxies would look like, if you were to gaze at his eyes. The galaxies that you had thought were yours, last night. Yours to explore, yours to make a home in. But maybe you had just been their safekeeper, until she came back.
Came back and stole him away from you.
“For what it’s worth”, he breathed, and you could feel his lips moving on you through the fabric of the shirt you were wearing. The shirt he had lent you the night before, when everything had been right. “We just talked. Told each other stuff we should have told each other months ago.”
You remained silent, as a tear rolled on the bridge of your nose, tickling it, before falling off the edge.
“We can talk tomorrow”, Jungkook said. “I’ll let you sleep.”
He turned on his back, and the absence of his contact tore your heart apart.
“Jungkook?” you breathed.
He didn’t say anything, waiting for you to continue.
“Please hold me.”
He let out a sound then, something that resembled a sob. A sound that made your lungs burn, as if oxygen had become toxic to you. Yet Jungkook turned, wrapping an arm around you. Pulling you in his embrace, the warmth of his body contrasting deeply with the ice in you.
You could feel his body shaking, as he cried. And Jeon Jungkook cried for a while, as he held you. As you remained stiff in his touch, not melting like you usually did.
Maybe you just wanted to be held by the boy with galaxies in his eyes one last time, before you exited his worlds. Before you let her take them again because, after all, they had always been hers.
 *****
                 It was a cold morning, the next day. As rain fell relentlessly, in a light shower that covered the world in droplets of water, until everything was wet. Wet and sad, sogging like a dog abandoned outside. Even the tent was cold and wet. Even with the body of the man beside you.
You had been looking at him for a while, in the gray morning light. Jungkook had fallen asleep crying, last night, and his eyes were all puffed up, even with the serenity sleep had given him. You didn’t know if you had slept – most of you had just wanted to engrave the feeling of him against you in your memory.
Maybe you had dozed off, at some point, because you hadn’t realized it was raining until everything was wet, humidity clinging to your every move.
Not that you moved at all, lying there and looking at Jungkook.
You wondered what had gotten him to cry like that last night. Had it been Sena, and the conversation they had had? Because you believed him, when he said they had just talked. It wasn’t like he would have gained anything by lying.
Or was it because of the blame Jimin had thrown at him?
You didn’t want to think it had been because of you. You doubted you held a place important enough in his life to have him break down like that, when he had been the one to disappear into the night.
You imagined what Soobin would have said, if he had been there. And it was a stupid thing to do, because if Soobin had been there you never would have been with Jungkook. You never would have made a deal with the devil.
The tears you had cried last night didn’t come back. Their heaviness lingered, in the air around you. In the rain and the grayness of the world outside, but they didn’t come back.
When Jungkook woke up, his peaceful features fell into a frown. Eyes staying close, and you forced yours to move away from his face, until you were looking at his shoulder. Because you didn’t want him to know you had been staring at him like that.
Engraving his features into your heart.
His eyelids fluttered open, and he remained unmoving for a while. Gazing up at the canvas of the tent, as if it held the answers to the universe. As if he was seeing the movie of last night on there, replaying in a constant loop that had his eyes tearing up again.
He only then blinked a few times, before turning until he was facing you. You felt his gaze on you, for a long time, as neither of you spoke. As you both knew the end had come, even if you wished to hold onto the moment for a little longer.
You could hear your friends waking up outside. Complaining about the rain, saying it was a good thing you were leaving early today. And Jungkook just kept looking at you, while you stared at his chest. While you imagined his skin under the oversized dark gray shirt he was wearing.
“Good morning”, he eventually said, with a voice scrappy with sleep. Sleep and sorrow, maybe.
You met his gaze. Balked at the sight of the dim light of his galaxies. It hurt to see them now, when you knew you were going to end things.
“Morning.”
It was awkward, as you continued gazing into each other’s eyes. You wondered what Jungkook could see, in yours. If he could read you, like you had thought you could read him. But clearly you had been wrong. Oh had you been wrong.
“You look tired.”
He spoke carefully, as if they hid a different meaning, his words.
“Oh”, you let out flatly. “I didn’t really sleep.”
He looked away then, face falling on a spot on your chest. “I’m sorry.”
Was he truly sorry? It was hard to tell, when he had done what he had done on purpose. You wondered if he would have stayed, had you not run away on the beach. But you didn’t want to blame yourself. Just wanted to head home, until you could hold the plush toy Soobin had won for you at the last fair you had visited together.
“We should get up”, you whispered.
Jungkook wet his lips. Played with his piercing for a time. He looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t find the words. Couldn’t voice the feelings inside of him.
Had he struggled like that when he had spoken to her last night?
“I’m sorry”, he repeated.
He did look apologetic. Remorseful, even, and it just made you want to punch him in the chest. Until his heart ached like yours had ached last night.
“What for?”
He didn’t really meet your gaze, though his eyes moved up until they were looking at your slightly parted lips.
“Everything.”
You scoffed, before sitting up. “Let’s just get up and help the others pack.”
“Y/n…”
You glared at him then. Glared at him with every jagged piece left in you. “Don’t say my name like that.”
He sat up too and his tattooed hand reached between you. Wiped a tear on your cheek. One you hadn’t felt slipping out of your eye, and it startled you, somehow. Because he looked at the lone tear, and his galaxies turned dark. Filled with hatred, directed at himself for what had happened last night.
You wished you could reassure him, but you didn’t have it in you. Weren’t the one that was going to comfort the boy with galaxies in his eyes anymore.
“I talked to her about you.”
The words felt like a jab to your heart, and you clenched your jaw. “Stop, Jungkook.”
“You said we could talk today.”
You scoffed, again, a bitter sound that felt like nails scraping on a chalkboard.
“You did. I just want to go home.”
He looked at you for a long time, a war in his mind and in his heart. You watched the conflict unfolding, jaw still clenched. Nails digging in your palms, as you held your hands in fists. Trying to focus on the physical pain, because you had never been good with the emotional kind.
“Okay”, he gave in. “Okay.”
You wished he had said something else. Wished he had fought for you, then. But he didn’t. Instead, he moved to the opening of the tent, unzipped it and stepped outside. Leaving you alone to pack up your stuff. And you did so, blinking back furious tears.
Jungkook came back, a moment later, zipping the flap of the tent behind him. Kneeling next to you to help you, until you were pulling on the sleeping bag he was holding.
“Let me do it”, you said, and he shook his head.
“I’m not going to let you slip away.”
You threw the sleeping bag at him. It hit his chest, before falling in front of him. Your gazes connected, saying more than words ever could. A moment later, you were crashing your lips together, meeting halfway.
Jungkook’s hands moved to your cheeks as your lips meshed together, teeth clashing in a flash of pain you ignored, as you grabbed a handful of his shirt to pull him closer. Until you were lying down with him on top of you.
Was it wrong of you to want to indulge in him one last time? Maybe it was. Terribly so, but you couldn’t stop. Jeon Jungkook and his galaxies were a drug, the beautifully intoxicating kind, that would leave you crawling, half dead, when his time in your life ended.
The kiss and his touches were hungry. Not so gentle, not like he had always been.
One last time, one last time, one last time…
The words were a litany in your mind, as he fucked you, lips never leaving yours. Mouth swallowing every little one of your sounds, as you dug your nails in the skin of his back. Leaving marks on him, for him to remember you when you’d be gone.
It was desperate, how your bodies moved together. Until you were spent, and he stayed on top of you, forehead resting against yours. He was sweaty, but so were you, and it didn’t matter anymore.
You didn’t move for a really long time, breathing in the same air. Your hands were on his waist, his delicate waist that you had loved to wrap your legs around, for the whole of your relationship. Of your deal or whatever it had been.
“Can we stay here forever?” he breathed against your lips, and you held him tighter.
You wanted to say yes. To say that time could stop for you, then, but there were too many words left unsaid, in the space between you. Words you had wanted to say, would have said had it not been for last night.
Maybe you were a coward, for dodging the conversation with him. But you weren’t sure it was worth it when the end was already written.
“Do you remember the first time we kissed?” you asked.
It wasn’t like there were many times anyway.
“In your tattoo shop?”
“We shouldn’t have kissed again after that.”
Because the kisses… they had meant too much. They had pushed you off the edge, had made you fall into him, into a man that couldn’t be reached, emotionally.
Or maybe you were the one wanting to flee. And you were. You would give anything not to have these feelings inside of you.
“I don’t regret kissing you.” He ran a hand on the side of your jaw. “I’d do it all again, no matter the outcome.”
You held him tighter, closer.
“In fact, I should have kissed you before”, he continued. “Should have kissed you every time I wanted to.”
The pain was becoming numb now. Still suffocating, still burning, but your nerves were at the end of their suffering. At the end of their lives. Because you were dying right there.
Was Soobin going to be waiting for you, on the other side?
“I’m glad you didn’t”, you breathed.
Jungkook didn’t move, didn’t seem to breathe for a time. “Why?”
“Because it’d make it harder.”
“Make what harder?”
You ran a hand on his back, following the pattern of his muscles under the skin. “Stopping this.”
He pulled away then, searching your gaze. “No.”
You smiled at him, sadly. “Jungkook, we both knew it wasn’t going to last.”
“No”, he repeated, and he looked so terrified, eyes filled with dread as his lips spread in a tight line, colors leaving his features.
“I can’t be with you.”
He moved until he was sitting next to you, and you watched him, carefully, as his features turned darker. As he looked like he was nauseous.
You had never seen a heart break like Jungkook’s heart did. As if he had assembled his pieces back the wrong way, and you had smashed the glass unforgivingly.
“Why?”
You chuckled as you sat up, bitterly. “Because it’s Sena. It’s Soobin and it’s Sena and what we did was wrong.”
“But it’s not her”, he insisted. He scanned your features, eyes a little wide. “I just needed the closure.”
Closure you’d never have with Soobin.
“Don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not lying, Y/n, I swear.”
You brushed a tear on your cheek. “Then you should have stayed last night.”
“Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have gone to Soobin, if you had had the option.”
You froze, in your spot. He couldn’t have said that, right?
“Excuse me?”
“You blame it on Sena, but it’s about Soobin, isn’t it?”
You didn’t know what to say anymore. So, you grabbed your clothes, putting them back on in quick motions, as he watched you. Cautiously, as if realizing he had said the wrong thing.
But he couldn’t take the words back.      
He got dressed too, as you finished folding the sleeping bag. As you paid attention to the sounds outside, and realized that your friends were gone. All that was left was the splattering of the rain on the canvas over the tent.
“Soobin is dead”, you said once the sleeping bag was neatly folded. “Nothing is ever going to change that. I won’t ever get to have closure with him.”
“I’m sorry I said…”
“Don’t fucking be”, you interrupted. “We’re done. Let’s just go home.”
“Y/n, please…”
You avoided the shattering of his heart in his eyes, because you didn’t want him to see you break. Because you were breaking too, and it was ugly. Bloody, as the pieces cut through you.
“Let’s go home.”
“I’m sorry.”
The boy with galaxies in his eyes did look sorry, with the silver lining his gaze. But it didn’t matter anymore.
It didn’t matter anymore.
 *****
                 Seoul felt different in the few weeks after the camping trip. City life spinning around you, leaving you dizzy, as you went to work, then went home. Only to start again the next day, avoiding your friends, avoiding your parents. Tattooing felt different, too, and you often found yourself getting lost in the lines you drew.
You thought of Soobin a lot, in the weeks that followed the camping trip. From the moment Jungkook had dropped you at your place, begging you not to end things one last time. You hadn’t budged from your decision, and he had left, slipping away from your life as if he had never been there.
You had known, when he had said it, that he was right. That it indeed was about Soobin. About the guilt you had for falling in love with someone else, when he was never going to fall in love again. But it had also been about the fact that you had been a rebound, for Jungkook. Someone to use while he was trying to forget Sena.
You were selfish, inherently so, to try to put the blame on him. But it was the only thing keeping you going, and so you did it. Found reasons to hate him more every day, to hate the ways his galaxies had felt like home, to hate the night sky and Jungkook’s gentle touches. To hate the way he had laughed with you, smiled his bunny smile to you. To hate how you had explored his worlds, imagining they were unspoiled, when she had been there before.
One thing you didn’t regret about the whole ordeal was the tattoo on the inside of your arm. The celestial body that you had permanently inked into you. It, and its slightly crooked line, where Jungkook had drawn it on your skin.
It was your favourite tattoo now. Because it wasn’t perfect, and it told a different story. A new one, that reminded you that life hadn’t stopped when Soobin had died.
That there was a whole life outside still, and that you could be a part of it now too.
You were always going to be thankful to Jungkook for that. For reminding you that there was more out there, even if you had refused to let yourself experience it for so long. But it had been red with flags, your relationship with Jungkook. From the very first time. From the moment he had refused to tell you his story.
Maybe you would have understood better, had he told you about Sena. Had he not kept her a secret, even after you had been made aware of her existence. Maybe you would have wanted to listen to him, at the end, if it hadn’t been for that.
But you were at peace with your decision. It would take a little longer before you let anyone in, but getting your heart broken by Jeon Jungkook had woken you up from a deep slumber.
You would let yourself live again, now. Soobin would want it. But it didn’t matter what Soobin wanted. Didn’t matter anymore. What mattered was what you wanted, and you wanted to experience it all. To have the butterflies of the beginning of a relationship again, to fight only to make up, to sleep and wake up with your head on someone’s chest. To listen to the beat of their heart and tell yourself it belonged to you.
You had forgotten how much you had been a hopeless romantic, before Soobin had died. Reconnecting with that part of you felt like a breath of fresh air, like you had been stuck under the ground for years and you were finally walking free, seeing the sun and the sky and feeling the wind again.
But not the night sky. No, the night sky was a ghost in your life, because it never compared to him.
It was strange, that your grief for Soobin had healed like that, after losing Jungkook. That you had stopped missing Soobin, once you had found yourself alone again. But that alone wasn’t lonely like it had been after Soobin and before Jungkook.
It was different. Maybe because you were more accepting of it, falling into that last step of your grief. You were never going to stop loving Soobin, but Jungkook had taught you that you had enough love in you for two.
There would be other people that would matter to you like that. It felt relieving, to realize that now. The weight of the universe wasn’t on your shoulders anymore, even if it weighed on your heart, at night.
But nights never lasted, and the sun always rose the next day. For now, it was all you could hold onto, as you tried to forget the boy with galaxies in his eyes.
The door to your tattoo shop dinged, and in walked Aera. She was dressed in black leather pants with combat boots, along with a red shirt that complimented her skin tone well.
It was your first time seeing her after the fall, and you only realized then how much you had missed her.
“Hey loser”, she greeted you.
You were sitting in the tattoo chair, staring at nothing in particular. Your last client had left an hour ago, and you had decided to stick around. In the hope that drunk people would come in, like Jungkook and his friends had, that night months ago.
“Hey.”
She moved closer, until she could sit next to you. “Where have you been?”
You ignored her eyes on the side of your face. “Here and there.”
She nodded, and there was a long silence between you. She was playing with something, her hands fiddling with a small gray rectangle.
“How are you?”
The question hung in the air between you.
“Better than I thought I would be”, you admitted. “How are you?”
Aera pursed her lips. “I’m doing great.”
You almost asked how Jungkook was, then. Because you knew Aera would know, now that she dated one of Jungkook’s closest friends. But the peace inhabiting you was still unsteady, and mentioning him would be too treacherous.
“Do you want to tattoo me?” she asked, all of a sudden.
Your eyes widened, and you looked at her. “What?”
“Anything you want. Just put it somewhere hidden.”
Something was wrong with the universe, if Aera wanted a tattoo.
“What’s wrong with you?” you asked.
She shrugged. “I miss my best friend.”
You pursed your lips, as an unexpected lump formed in your throat. “Aera…”
She met your gaze. “I know he hurt you, babe, but you don’t have to ghost all of us.”
You clenched your jaw, eyes falling to the floor. To the spot where you had been body painting on your thigh weeks ago. You remembered the dagger made of stars and galaxies and regretted not having taken a picture of it.  
It was in that same spot that you had made your deal with Jungkook. Oh how you wished you could take it back.
“I’m just focusing on work for a while”, you said. You didn’t sound convincing at all, but it was still the truth. You hadn’t been ghosting anyone on purpose.
“Well, good thing I’m here to get a tattoo.”
“Is that why you brought a USB stick?”
Her eyes fell to the rectangle in her hands. “Oh, that?” She shook her head. “No, that’s something I need your opinion of, but I’ll show you after the tattoo.”
The corners of your lips tugged upwards. It was a smirk, a hint of mischief moving in your gaze. “Do you want a butterfly?”
“I’m not letting you tattoo me like Park Jae-eon”, she said, laughing lightly. “But what about a snake like yours?”
That made you think about another snake tattoo, that you had traced with your fingers so many times you knew its pattern by heart now. But you pushed the feeling aside: you wouldn’t lose the opportunity to win a bet against Aera.
And she made you laugh, as you tattooed her, as she whined that it hurt. As she told you she wasn’t sadistic enough to get another tattoo, but that she was happy to be spending time with you. And you laughed when you refused her payment, telling her that it was a gift. A matching tattoo, like the matching ring you had.
The one you hadn’t taken off since she had given it to you on that camping trip. A camping trip that held so many good memories, along with the bad ones.
The tattoo you inked on Aera was pretty. A little smaller than yours. A fine line tattoo, that formed a s on her hip, right where yours was too. She looked at it in awe for a long time, after the conversation had died down.
“I can’t believe I let you tattoo me on an impulse thought”, she said before letting out a laugh sounding like disbelief. “My parents are going to kill you.”
“Just remind them that you’re going to be a surgeon and they’ll let you off the hook.”
She winked at you. “Very good point.”
You laughed before putting your head on her shoulder. “I’m glad you came here. I was getting bored.”
“You should have texted me”, she said, a little reproachfully. “I tried to give you space because I know how you are… but it’s hard when you even push me away.”
Your heart ached in your chest, just a little. “I promise I wasn’t pushing you away. It’s just…” you trailed off, shrugging your shoulders.
“I know you probably don’t want to hear it but…”
“Then don’t say it”, you interjected before she had time to finish her sentence. “Don’t tell me.”
“Y/n…” She sent you a reproachful look, the same kind of look your mother used to give you when she was disappointed with your grades in school.
You held her gaze, before cowardly looking away. “What is it?”
“What do you think happened that night?”
You knew what she was referring to without needing for her to tell you.
You shrugged, hands fiddling in your lap. “Nothing, probably. I don’t think they slept together.”
“He’s been a mess.”
It broke your heart, and your hands tightened in fists. “That’s his problem. It was my birthday, and he went and did that.”
“I know, it was a dick move. But it’s hard to ignore the fact that he’s hurt too.”
“Whose side are you on?” you asked defensively, sliding away from Aera.
You met her eyes again, folding your arms on your chest.
“I’m not on anyone’s side” she admitted. “I think you both are hurt, and if I didn’t know Jungkook I’d tell you to never talk to him again. I… I’m actually telling you to never talk to him again, because he was a dick. But at the same time…” she paused, collecting her thoughts. “At the same time I’m telling you you might want to give this a listen.”
You cocked an eyebrow in your confusion, until your eyes fell to the USB stick she was holding up in the air between you two.
“What is that?”
“I stole it from Eunwoo”, she admitted. “Jungkook wrote a song about you.”
Your heart stopped in your chest, until it started again on a painful beat.
“What the fuck?”
She nodded, slowly. “I thought so too, but then I actually listened to it. I think you’ll either love it or hate it, but you deserve to hear it.”
“He’s not going to release it?”
She shook her head. “Eunwoo said Jungkook writes songs as therapy. So, I guess he cared a lot about you and he just needed to let the feelings out.”
You still didn’t take the USB stick. “Is the song good?”
“Give it a listen and tell me yourself.”
You were pretty sure you didn’t want to do that, but you still grabbed the stick.
It took you days to find the courage to listen. Days that you spent hanging out with Aera, outside of work, telling her you hadn’t listened yet. Telling her you weren’t sure you would. She didn’t push, knowing that it was a decision you had to make yourself.
No matter that she knew the contents of the song.
The last days of August came, summer inching closer to its ending. It was still hot outside, humid, like summer didn’t want to let go of the world yet, with its storms and rains and anticyclones. Seoul felt heavy, yet as September approached, you found yourself missing Jungkook.
You couldn’t help but remember that his birthday was on the first of September. That just a few weeks ago, you had spent your own birthday in his company – and absence. And maybe that was why you found yourself plugging the USB stick into your laptop, late on August 31st. Just a few minutes before it’d give way to September, and to Jungkook’s birthday.
There was a single audio file on the USB stick. Titled The Stars in her Eyes. The name of it struck you, and filled your gaze with tears.
Had he seen stars in your eyes, the way you had seen galaxies in his?
Your hand was shaking, when you double-clicked on the file, waiting for it to open. And when it did, the first piano chords filling the air of your room had you pausing, heart beating out of your chest.
It couldn’t be real. Jungkook couldn’t have written a song about you. About the stupid business deal you had made, that had just led to you breaking his heart, and yours at the same time. To him breaking your heart too, because you had both been emotionally unavailable.
You grabbed your Bluetooth earbuds, hands trembling even more as you put them in your ears, before making sure they were connected to your computer. And before you pressed play again, your eyes moved to his shirt you still had. The one he had lent you that Friday night, before the whole shitshow. He hadn’t asked for it back, and you had selfishly stuffed it in your duffel bag, before you had left the camping.
You hadn’t put it back on since then. Had only needed a reminder that Jungkook had been real, other than that crooked line in your Saturn tattoo. It felt fitting to put it on now, when you were getting ready to listen to what Jungkook had composed about you.
You got up from your bed, moving to the chair where the shirt was, before grabbing it. You caressed the fabric for a time, missing the moment when it had been on Jungkook, and your eyes filled with tears.
You missed the boy with galaxies in his eyes more than you had wanted to let yourself believe. You put the shirt on, body craving the warmth of Jungkook’s arms instead, but this would have to do.
Only then did you walk back to your bed, lying down on it before pressing play on the computer.
Piano chords filled your ears, a beautiful and sad melody that had your heart squeezing in your chest. That had your breathing itching in your throat, as you waited for Jungkook’s voice to meet your ears.
You had never realized how pretty his voice was. Well, you knew it was. But there was something a whole lot prettier about it, when he was singing about you.
 Can I ask you a favor?
You knew her, well before I did
Were her eyes always filled with stars
When she was with you back then?
 You pressed pause. Because your heart had stopped, and you wished you could die. Die instead of hearing Jungkook’s voice singing what he was singing.
He was talking to Soobin. You started crying then, hitting play and letting the rest of the song unfold.
 Do you know she still seeks for you?
She looks up at the sky
And I think she’s looking for you
Did you love the stars in her eyes too?
 Falling in love isn’t so easy
When you fall for someone
Someone whose heart belongs to another
Do you still love the stars in her eyes?
 Mistakes and closure
They don’t mesh well together
I thought I wanted one thing
But I sought the wrong one
Ended up losing the stars in her eyes
Can’t really look at the night sky anymore
 Falling in love isn’t so easy
I fell for someone who belongs to you
Her heart is a never-ending maze
Of night skies and the stars in her eyes
 There was a long instrumental part after that that had you sobbing as Jungkook’s voice echoed in your mind. You imagined him talking to Soobin then. The two men you had ever loved, standing face to face.
Heartbreak had never felt so real.
The music receded, yet there still was almost a minute left to the song. You sucked in a breath, holding in your sobs as Jungkook’s voice came back.
 Can I ask you a favor?
Can you let me take care of her?
I promise I’ll hold her through the darkness
Let me protect the stars in her eyes
For you
 You listened to the song many times. Until you thought you knew it by heart, until you could see Jungkook asking Soobin. Until you could imagine Soobin replying. Though you couldn’t hear what Soobin would say. No, all you could hear was the blood rushing to your ears.
You didn’t know if you liked the song. It felt wrong to hear Jungkook say all of that. The words had never been yours to hear. Had been his to put away, until your story was but lyrics on a page, lyrics in the mic of his studio.
Yet you found yourself growing angry. Embarrassed, somewhat, that he had written all of that. That he knew about your deepest trauma, and that he had made it into a song. You didn’t need him to take care of you. You thought it was paternalistic that Jungkook was asking Soobin to let him take care of you. As if it was Soobin’s decision, and not your own.
Your feet carried you out before you knew where you were going. In a blinding fit of rage, or hurt. You weren’t quite sure. All you knew was that the song kept playing in your mind, the lyrics overlapping until their echo made you crazy, until all you wanted to do was to scream in Jungkook’s face that he had been wrong.
Wrong to seek closure with his ex when you had finally decided to open up your heart to him. Wrong for using the small time you had had together to be with her, to talk to her and do whatever else that they had done.
Probably nothing, because Jeon Jungkook was not a liar. And still, he had been with her for hours, between midnight and dawn. While you had partied the night away with his friends, with your friends, trying not to think about him.
Trying to ignore the fact that he had chosen to be with her, on the day of your birthday.
You hated him for deciding to write a song about Soobin. As if he deserved to speak to Soobin, after everything that you had done together.
You were in front of Jungkook’s door before you even realized it. Well past midnight, yet a long time before dawn. You felt stupid, standing there. Not having knocked yet, because what if he wasn’t home? What if he was out and about, on this night before his birthday? Worse, what if he had some company over, someone that he was using like he had been using you once?
You didn’t care. You needed to tell him he was wrong, for writing that song. For thinking Soobin would grant him a favor, or whatever the fuck it was that Jungkook wanted.
You knocked. A little too hard, and the sound was loud in the silence of the night. Loud with echoes, though you were pretty sure the echoes were only in your head, made to haunt and taunt you as the door didn’t open.
You stayed there for a really long time. Knocking a few times, hoping to wake him up. Because God knew how much of a heavy sleeper Jungkook was.
You cursed yourself, for choosing to come in the middle of the night. For letting your impulsivity get the best of you. You turned around, and were about to walk away when you noticed the figure standing there, and you let out a screech as you startled.
“What are you doing here?” Jungkook asked, hands lost in his pockets, top of his face hidden under a black bucket hat.
“You scared the shit out of me”, you said as you put your hand on your chest to calm the wild beats of your heart. “What are you doing out in the middle of the night?”
He tilted his head to the side, a frown moving on his features. “What are you doing out in the middle of the night?”
You gulped. Looked down at the floor as you realized how stupid this was. Who cared about a dumb song? Especially one that you hadn’t been meant to hear anyway.
Why had Aera thought it was a good idea to get you to listen to it?
“Happy birthday”, you said. Sheepishly, your eyes finding they were cowards, so much so that they couldn’t look at him. Couldn’t find the galaxies in his gaze.
Would he see stars in your eyes, if you looked at him then?
Jungkook didn’t reply for a while, watching you carefully. As if he didn’t quite believe that you were standing right there in front of him.
“I just came back from the studio”, he said. “Did a Vlive for my birthday.”
You nodded, slowly. “I’m sure… your fans were happy to see you.”
He nodded, and silence fell around you again. “Do you want to come in?” he asked, after that silence had stretched into an eternity.
Maybe he had sensed that you had more to say. That you had a whole storm inside of your head and heart, and that it was threatening to overcome your senses and your rationality. That it was threatening to explode right here in the middle of the hallway.
“Yeah”, you said. “Sure.”
It was weird, being in Jungkook’s apartment in that context. You had always been there to sleep with him before, not to have a heart-to-heart.
Not to tell him he was a dick for using your story like that.
“What are you really here for?” he asked as he moved in.
You followed him, watching him as he threw his keys on the kitchen counter. Inhaling the smell of his essential oil diffusers, eyes diverging to the mattress in one corner of the room, next to a gaming setup.
“I heard the song”, you said.
He froze, with his back half-turned to you. With his hand halfway to the handle of his fridge. He froze like a statue, and for a moment you wondered if you were Medusa and had turned him to rock.
“Who the fuck showed you the song?” he asked. Growled, with a low angry voice that had your blood still in your veins for a time.
“It doesn’t matter”, you said. You folded your arms on your chest. “What the fuck were you thinking?”
“You weren’t supposed to hear the song.”
He turned towards you, and you balked at the burning rage in his eyes.
“Then why did you write it?” You paused, cocking an eyebrow. “Why did you take the time to record it, and add music to it?”
His tongue pushed on the inside of his cheek, and he let out a bitter chuckle. “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
“You used my story to write a fucking song, I think you have plenty of explanations to give.”
He turned back around, throwing the fridge door open so hard it had glass bottles clinking inside of it. He grabbed water, before slamming the door shut.
“I wanted to talk to you twice before and you refused.” He opened the water bottle, took a long swig of it, eyes never leaving yours. “I don’t owe you any explanations whatsoever.”
“Everything always has to go your way, huh? You can’t accept that the world doesn’t revolve around you.”
His eyes widened, and he put the water bottle down, hard enough for the liquid to spill out of it.
“Excuse me?”
“You decided to start to fuck me because you were lonely or something, and you didn’t give a shit what I wanted. And then you disappear like that, on the night of my birthday?”
He scoffed, shaking his head slowly. “You were not my girlfriend. I owed nothing to you.” He paused, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Besides, nothing happened with Sena. She needed to talk about some stuff, and so did I. Nothing more.”
“You’re aware that it’s hard to believe you?”
He took a step towards you, then seemed to reconsider, and he leaned against the counter. “I don’t fucking care what you believe, it still is the truth.”
An angry Jeon Jungkook was an ugly sight to see. With a vein bulging on his forehead, a red flush to his neck and cheeks, and a harsh look on his face.
“Okay then, so what if it is? It was my birthday, Jeon. It sucked that you left like that.”
He shrugged, taking a deep breath. As if he was trying to calm down, not wanting to fight with you anyway. “I’m aware that it did. It’s not like I can change it anyway.”
He was right. No amount of fighting would ever change the past.
“Are you done now?” he asked.
Your eyes widened, and you let out a bitter chuckle. “Done? That still doesn’t justify the song.”
“Who cares about the song, I won’t ever release it.” He looked away from you, clenching his jaw. “I wrote it the day we came back. And you should know by now that I don’t do things halfway, so I recorded it and all.”
“You can’t use other people’s stories like that”, you said.
With a smaller voice, because you wished you had never come. Wished you had let Jeon Jungkook and his galaxies slip from your life without embarrassing yourself like you were right now.
“Got it, won’t do it again”, he said. There was a long silence, and then he scoffed again, shaking his head. “Thing is, it became my story too.”
“Are you so selfish you can’t accept that not everything is about you?”
It was cruel, the way you said the words. The way you used them to stab into his heart, the heart you had already hurt once. The heart he had hurt himself, too.
He had tears in his eyes when he met your gaze then. “It became my story too the day I fell in love with you.”
You widened your gaze and let out a small laugh. A nervous laugh, that felt completely out of place in the heated argument.
“You don’t get to tell me you fell in love with me”, you snapped. “You don’t get to pretend you cared about me when you ran back to her like a good little dog.”
“We”, he said. “Just. Talked. Nothing fucking happened. Maybe if I didn’t care about you something would have. I haven’t fucked another girl ever since I saw you that first night. How can you be so oblivious?”
Because you didn’t want him to love you. Didn’t want to face the fact that he had fallen too. That you both had fallen, and yet had chosen to fall apart.
Well, you had chosen to fall apart. He had begged you, that day. Not to go and leave him. But you still had.
“Don’t love me, Jungkook, it’s not worth it.”
He held your gaze. Jaw still clenched, eyes still far colder than they had ever been. “I think you know more than anyone that you can’t control your feelings. You don’t get to decide when you fall in love with someone.”
“But you can’t love me, Jungkook! You wanted to fuck me, and that was it.”
“Until it wasn’t anymore.” His eyes fell shut, and a tear rolled down his cheek. “You were there that Friday night. You knew what it felt like.”
“It felt like you were going to break my heart.”
He took a few steps towards you, with a dark look taking over his features. As if he wanted to shake some sense into you.
“You’re the one that decided to end things”, he spat in your face. “You’re the one that didn’t even want to listen to me when I was ready.”
“You were ready only because you were emotional about your ex.”
“Stop always bringing Sena up.” He took off his bucket hat, throwing it towards the pile of laundry on the kitchen table. He then ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “You were emotional about Soobin too. Did it stop you from kissing me like you did?”
It didn’t. He was right. It hadn’t stopped you at all. It had opened your heart for him more than anything else could have.
“I waited for you, Jungkook. I waited for you all night.” You bit into your lip as a sob threatened to move to the surface. His eyes dipped to your lips, and he dried the tears that had moved on his cheeks.
“I apologized many times already.”
“Did you mean it?”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. As if you doubting him hurt too much, for him to want to reassure you that he had indeed meant it. As if he was done, tired and exhausted, and just wanted you to leave.
“You know I meant it. I mean every word I say.”
You nodded, slowly, as all the fight went out of you. As all you wanted was to leave and put as much distance as you could between him and you.
“Alright.” You sighed, shutting your eyes for a moment before looking at him again. “I guess I’ll go then.”
“You’re just going to leave like that again? What do you fucking want me to do?” He took a step closer, and he was now towering over you. “What do I need to fucking do to make you stay?”
You tilted your head back, so you could look him in the eye. And your heart stopped in your chest, right before you grabbed his cheeks, and pulled him down in a kiss.
He crashed his lips against yours, and he tasted salty, from his tears. You imagined you tasted salty too, though you didn’t really remember if you had cried. His lips moved against yours, harshly, hungrily, and he pushed you back until he had lodged you between his hard body and the wall. He grabbed your hands from his cheeks, pulling them over your head as you kissed, tongues meeting halfway.
You sucked on his tongue and he moaned, a low sound that erased every thought in your head. He held your hands up with one hand, bringing the tattooed one down until he was holding the side of your neck, thumb brushing your jaw.
“Are you sure you want to do that?” he asked, cautiously.
As if afraid you’d slip away again, after the deed was done.
“Kiss me, if you want to make me stay. Make me forget my name.”
He obeyed, bringing his lips to yours again. Surprisingly, this kiss was slower, sweeter, as if he didn’t want to scare you away. It was more like him, that gentleness, and it made you melt into his touch.
“I’ll kiss you all night, then”, he breathed against your lips.
You nodded, just a little, and then the passion resumed, with him sucking on your bottom lip as he ran his hand down your frame, settling it on your hip. You clenched and unclenched your fingers a few times, itching to be touching him too, but his other hand still held them firmly above your head.
Your tongues swirled together, as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side. He breathed out shakily, warm breath tickling your face, and he finally let go of your wrists. Your hands immediately fell to his hair, and you tangled them in his curls, pulling at the strands just a little. Just how you knew he liked it.
Jungkook grabbed your face with his two hands for a time as you kept on kissing, barely even stopping long enough for you to breathe. Air seemed optional, in the passion between you two, passion raised by weeks spent apart, by weeks thinking you had lost the other.
And the conversation wasn’t over, the fight wasn’t resolved, but you needed to feel him first, before you were ready to finish the heart-to-heart.
Jungkook pulled you up in his embrace, wrapping your legs around his delicate waist, before pushing you back against the wall. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Getting lost in him again.
Finally coming home.
He sucked on your bottom lip again and you moaned in the kiss. It made him chuckle, and he pulled away to rest his forehead against yours.
“What else do you want me to do?” he asked.
It left you confused for a time, until you remembered the question he had uttered, right before you had pulled him into a kiss.
“Fuck me like you fucked me that Friday night.”
“You know I wasn’t fucking you.”
Needing to hear him say it, you whispered, “What was it, then?”
He pecked your lips once. “I made love to you.”
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “Did you?”
He nodded, pecking your mouth once again.
“And I’ll do it again tonight”, he added. “And tomorrow, and every day after that.”
You ran your fingers through his hair again. “You won’t ever let me leave, mmh?”
It was said teasingly, but his reply wasn’t. His reply was serious, more serious than you had ever heard him be. “No. I won’t.”
It filled you with warmth, and you pulled him into another kiss. He smiled against you, and your heart swelled in your chest.
Gone was the anger. All you could feel was the feelings you had been trying to silence. They were loud as bombs today, and you weren’t going to silence them anymore. Wouldn’t be able to.
Jungkook put his hands on your ass, to hold you up, as he pulled away from the kiss. He took a few hesitant steps towards the corner of the room, the one with the mattress, and a moment later he was lowering your body to the floor, resting you on the soft cushions.
He pulled away for a moment, as he kneeled between your legs. He sat back on his heels, drinking in the sight of you. Running a loving hand up your arm, until he found the Saturn tattoo. He traced it with a gentle finger, smiling as his eyes scanned it.
“What’s your favourite tattoo?” he asked.
He had asked that question to you once. Yet the answer had changed. You still loved the dagger and the rose, but there was something in the Saturn tattoo, something that felt just right.
“That one”, you said, looking down at the planet he was tracing.
He bent down, until his lips brushed the skin where the ink decorated your arm. “It’s my favourite too.”
“Why?” you found yourself asking.
He shrugged, lips moving to your neck. You sucked in a breath as he pressed wet kisses up the column of your throat, before moving to the spot below your ear. “Because I helped to put it on your skin. Makes me feel important.”
“You are important, Jeon Jungkook.”
His lips brushed your earlobe as he spoke. “I am important when I’m with you.”
It was cheesy, the way he said it, yet you only pulled him closer.
Jungkook grinded into you, as he kissed your jaw, and then moved back to your mouth. He kissed you for a moment, before making you sit up so he could take off your shirt – his shirt – and the t-shirt under it. You weren’t wearing a bra, and he moved down to your breast, sucking on your nipples, worshipping every inch of your skin until you were tingling with sensitivity.
He only then went even more south, pulling your pants down your legs until you were just in your panties, under his careful eyes. Panties that you were already soaking up, as heat pooled between your legs.
“You’re so beautiful”, he breathed. “I’m so lucky to have you.”
You didn’t know if you were ready to say you were his, yet the words made heat blossom on your cheeks. “Jungkook…”
He took off his shirt, and your eyes moved to his tattoos. To the ink that covered all of his right arm, beautiful art that felt like home too, even if it wasn’t your art.
But it wasn’t the arm that you noticed the most that night. It was his eyes. They seemed like they were shining with new lights, with new stars and galaxies, as if the nebulas had given birth to new worlds. Worlds that were meant just for you, as he made love to you slowly, gaze never leaving yours. Worlds that you explored gladly, while he explored the stars in your own eyes.
Jungkook had the prettiest eyes you had ever seen. And you never wanted to look away. Wanted to fly in the outer space of his gaze.
He made love to you for a long time. Far longer than he had that Friday night, as if he had more love to give. And maybe he did. Maybe the fear of losing you had made him love you all the more, like it had for you. Because the way you felt for him now… it was different. Stronger, more sure, as if the truth of the universe was finally yours to know.
And when you were done, after that first time, you moved to his room. Took a long shower, with him washing you and you washing him. It was intimate, homey, and made you want to stay forever under the warm water with him.
It was only when you were in his bed, head on his shoulder, that you spoke again.
“If we really do this”, you breathed, as you traced circles on his chest. “If we really try being together, there can’t be any more secrets between us.”
“Never. You’ll be the first I’ll tell everything to”, he promised, kissing the top of your head.
“Tell me about Sena, then.”
You didn’t stop drawing circles, and it took him a moment before he spoke.
“We dated from when I was sixteen to the middle of last year”, he admitted. “I met her in high school.” That much you knew. “We broke up because we didn’t want the same thing anymore.” He paused, before taking a deep breath. “She actually… she broke up with me for someone else. Someone that was more present for her, and that could give her what she wanted.”
“I’m sorry”, you breathed.
“It’s fine”, he reassured you. “It really hurt at first, but then I realized that I had stopped loving her for a long time. And...” He swallowed, and you could almost hear him gulp. “And it’s not like she cheated. She ended things with me long before they started dating. He was just a friend we had in common.”
You could imagine that Jungkook and the guy weren’t friends anymore.
“They got engaged, though”, he admitted. “They’ve been moving really quickly, and it’s made me realize that she had been wanting that for a long time.”
You didn’t say anything, just focusing on the circles you were drawing on his skin.
“Getting married, I mean”, he specified. “I never had plans to get married someday, or to have children.”
Neither had you. You were more of a live-in-the-moment person, and you had stopped thinking about the future, when your future had been taken from you all those years ago. But tonight wasn’t about Soobin, so you didn’t let him invade your thoughts. Wouldn’t let him invade your thoughts like he used to once more.
“Is that something that you want?” he asked, taking you by surprise. “Getting married?”
You thought about the answer for a while. “Not particularly”, you eventually said. “I’m not opposed to the idea, but I don’t see myself getting married or having children anytime soon. It’s not really something I feel like I need to have to feel complete.”
He kissed your head again, letting out a small happy laugh that had a large smile move on your lips. “Then we are good.”
It was your turn to laugh. “What would you have said if I said I wanted it?”
“I’d have said that I’ll give you everything you want”, he said, not even hesitating a little.
You swallowed the unexpected lump that formed in your throat. “You’d marry me?”
You felt him nod more than you saw him.
“I’d marry you and put babies into your belly until you burst, if that’s what you wanted.” He held you tighter for a time. “I’ve never felt for anyone the way I feel for you.”
You couldn’t really say the same. Because your feelings for Soobin hadn’t had the chance to evolve more than what they had been at first. You couldn’t know if they would have lingered, or turned into something else, something less. Attachment, maybe, because you had been together for a while, but not love anymore. You couldn’t know what would have happened.
All you knew was that you were fully at peace with the past, now.
“Way to make me feel important”, you chose to say.
He chuckled. “You are the most important girl in the world.” He put his hand above yours, where you were drawing circles on his skin. “But, not going to lie, that tickles.”
You giggled, before pushing yourself up. Just enough to look him in the eyes. To fall into his galaxies, something you knew you would want to do for the rest of your life. Because the love you had for him, it wasn’t something you could walk away from.
And maybe that was what it had been, at the very beginning. The attraction you had both had for the other… maybe it hadn’t been physical after all. Maybe it had been far stronger, made of the same thing that connects atoms together. Because your souls… maybe your souls had always been meant to be together.
Yet, a little bit of insecurity moved through you. He must have seen it, because he brushed your hair over your shoulder, before cupping your cheek lovingly.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I know you already said it many times”, you replied. Falling silent for a time. “But what really happened with Sena that night?”
His thumb started brushing your cheek, as his eyes lost their focus on you while he replayed the memories in his mind. “She wanted to apologize for being with Hyunoh. Uh, Hyunoh is the friend we had in common.” He wet his lips. “But yeah, she wanted to apologize. To make sure I was fine now. And we talked about the past a lot, about where we went wrong. And then she asked me who you were. You, Aera and Minchae. I told her about you and told her I was afraid to fall in love.”
There was silver lining his gaze again.
“She said that I deserved to let you in like that. That my eyes shone when I spoke of you and that it showed I was already in love. Then she called me an idiot for not spending the evening with you, on your birthday. Said we could have met somewhere to grab a coffee and talk instead of doing it there.”
Sena wasn’t at all the bitch you had thought she was. Just an ex-lover that had cared about Jungkook deeply. Enough to want him to love again, to know he deserved to be loved again.
Because Jeon Jungkook deserved all the love in the world.
“We also spoke of our families”, he continued. “Her dad was sick when we broke up. He’s currently in remission from cancer. And uh…” Jungkook trailed off, as if he tried to remember. “I think it was mostly all that. And then she shooed me away and told me that I needed to tell you how I feel.”
He paused, meeting your gaze again.
“That’s what I wanted to tell you, when I came back. But then I saw Jimin-ie and I realized just how bad I fucked up.”
You smiled, softly, before brushing the tears out of his eyes. “It’s okay now”, you breathed.
He smiled too, breathing in shakily. “I’m so lucky it is.”
“I didn’t want to hurt you, you know”, you added. “I should have listened to you. But I was hurt.”
“I know”, he reassured you. “It’s okay now.”
The echo of your words brought another smile to your lips.
You gazed at each other for a time, until you put your head back on his chest.
“Is there something else you’d like to know?” he enquired, after having pressed a small kiss on the top of your head.
You thought about it for a moment, and your mind headed straight to that second night you had met. To the moment you had realized he had covered-up tattoos. And even though you already knew, sort of, you found yourself asking, “Did you get cover-up tattoos to hide some that made you think of her?”
“Yes”, he replied after a few beats of silence. “I covered up the tattoos I got because she said they were pretty, or her favourite. My favourite was the eye.”
He showed you where the Bulletproof was on his arm now.
“We had drawn it together, and then brought it to a tattoo artist. She chickened out before getting it too, but yeah… that’s the only one I regret covering up.”
You could imagine how bitter and sad he had to be when he had decided to cover up the tattoos. It made you think of the tattoo on your ribs, the one Soobin had inked into your skin.
“You know my rose and dagger tattoo?” you let out in the silence that followed Jungkook’s statement.
“Yeah?”
“Soobin tattooed it on me. I couldn’t look at it for almost a year after.”
Jungkook’s arm tightened around you. “And yet you didn’t get it covered up?”
You shook your head no. “I wanted to keep a piece of him.”
“I can understand. Maybe I should have kept the eye”, he said. “She was sad, when she saw I didn’t have it anymore.”
“And how did it make you feel that she was sad?”
He remained silent for so long you almost thought he hadn’t heard the question. “It was satisfying, sort of. I’m a bad person, aren’t I?”
You chuckled. “You are not. You are human is what you are. I love that about you.”
“Oh, so you love some stuff about me”, he teased, and it made you giggle lightly.
“Shut up.”
He chuckled, before pressing yet another kiss on the top of your head.
“To be fair, I love a lot of things about you”, he admitted. “Your eyes, for example.”
The stars in her eyes.
The lyrics of his song replayed in your mind, and you sniffled a little, as tears moved in your gaze once more.
“You want to know something funny?” you said through the emotions. It made your voice shake a little and Jungkook pulled away, until you were lying on the pillow instead of his chest and he could get a good look at your face.
“Why are you crying?”
“Do you know you have galaxies in your eyes?” you asked. “That’s the first thing I noticed about you.”
“You… what?”
“Your eyes always shine like you have galaxies in them”, you tried to explain, and a tear rolled on your cheek.
He dried it gently. “And you have stars in yours.”
You smiled warmly. “I can’t believe you say that. Like…” You chuckled then, and it brought a lovesick smile to his own lips. “We are so cheesy.”
He kissed your forehead. “I can do cheesy.”
So could you.
Another silence, as Jungkook lay back next to you, facing you, arm wrapping around your waist while you rested your hand flat on his chest. You gazed at his eyes. They were yours now. Yours to keep and protect from the atrocities of the world. It made you think of his song again, and perhaps there was another thing you needed to tell him, before you let yourself fall asleep.
“Soobin would be happy, that you are in my life”, you breathed. “I think he’s the one that sent you to me.” It made Jungkook cry, and you dried his tears gently, like he had dried yours just a moment ago. “And also”, you added before you could stop yourself. “When I look up at the night sky, I think of you. Not of him.”
“Do you?”
You nodded. “Your eyes are made of the night sky, what else could I think of?”
“Stop it”, he said, chuckling lightly, as his tears receded.
“I’m serious.”
He pressed another kiss to your forehead, and a slight blush moved to your cheeks.
“I love when you do that”, you admitted.
“I know.” He did it again, before pulling away. “That’s why I’ll do it every day until we’re old and gray and you don’t like me anymore.”
“You think I like you?” you teased, rolling your eyes.
He pinched your side, and you yelped.
“Shut up, loser”, he said, and you shared a laugh, until you fell into silence.
“I do”, you said after a time. “In case you were wondering.”
“You what?”
“I do like you”, you specified. “At times I even think I’m falling in love with you.”
He let out an exaggerated sigh. “Phew. Otherwise it would have been embarrassing.”
“What would have been?”
He smiled, fondly, eyes crinkling at the corners. Eyes filled with even more galaxies and worlds and warmth, every one of them yours.
“Telling you I love you.”
“I love you too”, you immediately said. “I… I love you too, Jungkook.”
He gently brushed your cheek. “I know.” He smiled, with that warm smile of his that had his galaxies dancing in his eyes. “And before I let you go to sleep, there’s one more thing I need to tell you.”
You smiled, nodding your head.
“I promise I won’t do anything that might make you uncomfortable again. I was scared when I started falling for you, and then Sena reappeared and it messed up with my head. I won’t ever do that again.” He fell silent for a time, but your heart didn’t fill with dread. No, there was no place for dread when each beat echoed with love. “You’re the one I want to go to when I feel troubled. From now on and for the rest of my life.”
The warmth in your chest blossomed into a whole new universe. “I promise I’ll always listen, when you need to talk. Even if I’m tired, or if I’m angry at you. If you need to talk, I’ll be there for you. Always. I want to be with you the right way.”
Happy tears filled his gaze. “Me too, Y/n. Me too.”
Your eyes fluttered closed, as he pressed the lightest kiss on your lips. And then on your two cheeks, before landing the gentlest one on your forehead. He lingered there, for a long time, and your heart felt complete. Felt like you owned your own little universe, and maybe you did. Maybe you did and it was all in Jungkook’s gaze, in his worlds and galaxies and nebulas.
He pressed another gentle kiss on your forehead, before resting his head back on the pillow. You kept your eyes closed, smiling softly, as he started to draw lines with his thumb on the side of your face, with that gentle touch of his.
Such a gentle touch, for the boy with galaxies in his eyes.
*****
From my place between worlds, I see her. For the first time in years, she is smiling, a smile that lights up the stars in her eyes. So when you ask for a favor, all I have to say is yes. Yes, love her, like I would have loved her if life had been different. Love her until the sun no longer shines, and until the ocean goes dry. And know that finally, finally I can go in peace, knowing that you are there by her side.
I will always love her, but it is your turn now.
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
Words cannot describe how heavy my heart feels after writing all of this. After posting it on here to share with all of you guys. This story means the world to me, and I hope you loved it, the way I loved creating it. This couple will forever have a special place in my heart <3
Let me know what you thought of the story. Feedbacks and reblogs are always appreciated, and keep me motivated to continue writing stories like this one!
Love you all, and don’t hesitate to send me a message if you need to talk <3
☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
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callsign-dexter · 7 months
Text
From Exes to Lovers
Request: Hi ☺️ Could i request a Connor Rhodes imagine for my bday tomorrow? Maybe where the reader is his ex and also a nurse at the med. One time you get in a terrible car crash and get to the ER where Connor gets called to save you. You nearly die during the surgery but he saves you and stays with you all the time till you wake up. Then he keeps caring for you during your whole recovery and you slowly start getting your old feelings back, so you decide on a second chance for your love. Hope this is ok ❤️
Pairings: Connor Rhodes x Nurse!Reader
Warnings: angst, fluff, car crash, inaccurate medical talk, implied cheating but not really
A/N: Happy birthday to the anon who sent this request in!
Frist Installment: Exes to Lovers
Second Installment: Lovers Forever
Masterlist
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You don't know how it happened. You had the right of way. The light was green. Some drunk person had run their red light and t-boned you as you were crossing the intersection. They had hit you hard enough that your car flipped 4 times until it landed thankfully upright but in the other lane. Glass was everywhere. You're pretty sure you had a concussion from hitting your head on the steering wheel and the window. You for sure had broken bones. But then the pain came especially around your abdominal area. The other driver had died on impact. How did this happen you ask? Well, this is how.
You had just gotten back from visiting your friend, Hailey Upton, and her husband, Jay Halstead, you were ranting about Connor Rhodes, your now ex-boyfriend, and that you had caught another woman texting. You had dated for 3 years. He was also coming home later than normal. So once you stormed out you went straight to their house crying. It was a huge fight. Luckily for you, you had kept your apartment.
It was getting late and you just wanted to go home and eat a pint of ice cream and watch some cheesy sappy movie. You didn't have to work that night or the next day which was great. That also meant you didn't have to see Connor tonight or tomorrow, you were a nurse at Med. You loved him you really did but you couldn't stand a cheater and weren't going to tolerate it. As you were driving you came to a stop at a red light, while stopped you answered some texts and then put your phone down. As you started to drive you noticed headlights coming to you on your left and they were coming fast. The next thing you knew metal was hitting metal and then your car was flipping. Your head hit the steering wheel and then the window. The airbag deployed hitting you and breaking your nose and throwing your head into the headrest.
Your adrenaline was wearing off and then all the pain hit you and you moaned in pain. There was glass everywhere. You felt blood running down your face and into your eye. You felt the most pain in your abdominal area. You carefully looked down and saw glass puncturing you. You tentatively touched it but knew better than to yank it out. You couldn't hardly breathe. All of sudden you felt another impact and you were being pushed into a telephone pole wrapping your car on the passenger side. You blacked out.
You only came to when you heard your name being called by a voice but didn't open your eyes. It sounded underwater. You wanted to answer but couldn't you just wanted to sleep.
"Y/N it's Kelly. Can you hear me?" Kelly, your other best friend asked but you didn't respond. "Y/N I really need you to open your eyes." He said and you tried oh you tried. You slowly started to crack them open. "There we go." He said once he saw them open.
"Kelly?" You asked slurred.
"Yea it's me. You were in an accident. We're going to get you out and to Med. Ok?" He asked and you groaned and your eyes begin to shut again. "Hey hey no no keep those eyes open." He said but your eyes were already closed. "Y/N, hey. Open those eyes for me, please." You actually complied this time. "There we go. How are you and Connor?" He asked not knowing of the situation.
"'Roke up." You said slurring your words that shocked him.
"Why did you two break up?" Kelly asked as he shouted orders to his team.
"Cheated." You said slurring your words again and then your eyes rolled into the back of your head and your head lulled to the side and Kelly caught you. This freaked Jim out but he had to keep calm.
Everyone worked with ease and carefulness but quickly to get you out. They all saw the damage and knew you would be critical. When they got you out they put you on a backboard and a gurney and loaded you up and you were on your way to Med.
When you got to Med you were unconscious and couldn't hear anything. You were breathing but barely and it was labored. You went to your little paradise where Connor and you never broke up instead you got married and started a family one boy and one girl, it was perfect.
---------------------------------------------------
Connor was having a good night, well as good as one can have when one breaks up with another. He had been heartbroken when you pulled away from his kisses and started to pull away from him. The fight kept playing in his head. You had been the one to break up with him. You had seen a text from another girl on his phone but what you didn't know was that the other girl was a married woman jeweler who was setting his grandma's diamond in a set so he could propose to you. The reason why he was coming home early was because he was making details on how to propose and where making sure it was perfect.
Connor was in the ED when the ambulance came rolling in. He didn't look up considering it was a normal part of ED but when Maggie gasped he looked up and his face drained. "Maggie please tell me that is not Y/N." He said almost pleading.
"I'm sorry Connor. Take her to Trauma 2 and make it fast." She yelled and she turned to Connor.
"Let me go." Connor said and Maggie looked hesitant. "There are no other available doctors at the moment. Let me do it." He pleaded.
"Fine." She said and he rushed in and started giving orders.
Connor was supposed to be getting off shift when you rolled around but now he just couldn't make himself leave. Not with knowing you were in major surgery to fix your abdominal aorta that glass had found itself embedded in.
They wheeled you into surgery where he scrubbed in. "Ok guys, she is one of us. We have to save her but we handle it just like every other surgery." Connor said and they nodded. They got to work. Everything was going smoothly until one of the surgery techs noticed a drop in stats.
"Dr. Rhodes. Her O2 is dropping and he looked up.
"Ok start bagging her and get those stats back up." He said and they nodded. Once they got your stats back up. But then your heart rate started to drop. The machine alerted them. He looked up and then looked down. It started lowering when he took the glass out and he started to move faster.
"Heart rate is dropping." The tech said and before anyone could say anything you started to flatline "She's flatlining." The tech said.
"Start compressions. I'm holding this aorta off so she doesn't bleed out." Connor said and that's what they did. "Give me a clamp." He demanded and they did and clamped off the aorta and had his go at compressions he was about to have them shock you but then your heart rate came back up. "Ok let's finish this quickly and get her into recovery." He demanded again and they did just that. "Just hold on, baby. I'm gonna get you out of here." He quietly told you and everybody else pretended not to hear him. "When she gets out of recovery and into a room let me know." He said and they nodded.
4 hrs is how long it took to repair the aorta. He was an absolute wreck. But he had stayed calm while doing the surgery. He had gotten changed and then went to the doctor's lounge and waited when one of the surgery techs came in to let him know you were out of recovery in a room. He asked what number and when they told him he was up and going to you. When he got there he looked at you and regretted everything. He pulled the uncomfortable blue plastic chair by your bedside and sat down. He grabbed your hand and stroked your knuckles, and every now and then kissed them. He just had to wait for you to wake up.
---------------------------------------------------
A consistent beeping is what woke you up. You had slowly opened your eyes but quickly slammed them shut when they met with harsh light. You then felt a weight on your hand and looked over to find the black haired, blued eyed man that you once called your boyfriend. He was sleeping and looked so peaceful but you needed to wake him up. "'Onnor." You said sleepily and he stirred until he woke up and at first he looked confused but then saw you were awake.
"Baby." He sighed out in relief. Your scrunched your nose up.
"I'm not your baby anymore, Connor. We broke up." You said and rolled your eyes which hurt. He sighed he wasn't going to fight with you, especially since you just got out of surgery. "What's the damage?" You asked moving due to uncomfortableness. He sighed.
"You have 4 broken ribs, a concussion, your abdominal aorta was torn but I was able to fix it. You have a hairline fracture on your right ankle. A sprained left wrist. Multiple cuts from the glass and a lot of bruising." He listed what was wrong and you stayed silent.
"What about the other driver?" You asked
"He was drunk and died on impact." He told you and you nodded.
"What about my car?" You asked again, you loved your car.
"I'm sorry. It's totaled. You'll have to get a new one." He said and you nodded and let a tear slip. "Are you ok?" He asked truly worried.
"Yea. I'm just going to miss that car." You said and he chuckled and smiled both of which you loved.
"We'll get you a new and better car." He said.
Dr. Goodwin came into your room and you looked up and smiled "Hi, Nurse Y/L/N. How are you feeling?" She asked.
"Sore. Just found out my beloved car was totaled." You said and everyone chuckled and smiled.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I'm came here to let you know you're going to have the next few weeks off to recover with pay and Connor is going to be allowed a few days off." She said and you looked confused.
"Why is that?" You asked her.
"Since you have nobody here he decided to be the one to look after you." She said
"That's not necessary. I can look after myself." You tried to defend yourself.
"You had a major surgery and will need someone to look after you. Connor volunteered." She said and you may not have liked it but agreed.
You spent a week in the hospital making sure everything was then you were released in Connor's care.
---------------------------------------------------
When you got to his apartment that night after your release it was slow going but he was ok with that. He was and has always been so patient with you. You hated that you broke up with him but you couldn't stand a cheater. You both got into the apartment and he had to settle down on the couch while he pampered you and got the bed ready and made you something to eat. He truly was the sweetest man ever. "If you need me for anything during the night wake me up, and I mean anything." He said and you nodded.
"You got it." You said. The two of you stayed up and watched some TV and you ate what was allowed. When and if you wanted to get up he was there helping you. You knew now why you first fell in love with this man.
This went on for a few weeks and your old feelings started to come back and you started to fall in love with him again. When he went back to work was the hardest but you managed and if you need something he said to call him, Hailey, Jay, or Kelly. You didn't call anybody because you were perfectly fine. You and Connor had been texted throughout the day. Most of your wounds, sprain, and fracture had healed. You still had stitches but they were due to come out soon.
One thing was on your mind and you couldn't get it off of your mind. That was why did he cheat. When you didn't text him back one day it was when he was finishing his shift and it was worrying him but stayed calm. Once out of the hospital he got into his car and drove home. He found you sitting outside on the terrace. You didn't hear him come in so you jumped when you touched you. "I'm sorry, Baby. I didn't mean to startle you." He said and you hadn't been correcting him when he said it. "What's wrong? You didn't text me back." He said and you sighed as he bent down looking at you.
"Why did you cheat?" You said just coming out and saying it.
"Baby, I didn't cheat on you." He said and you glared at him.
"Don't lie to me." You said and he sighed and hung his head.
"I'm not. Just hold on. Don't move." He said and you did what you were told, to be honest you were still sore and you didn't feel like moving.
"Don't walk away from me. Who the fuck is Samantha?" You yelled out after him but he returned with a black velvet box.
"I didn't cheat on you. Samantha is a married woman-" He started but you cut him off and threw your hands up which pulled on your stitches but you didn't care.
"So you cheated on me with a married woman? Why were you coming home so late? I loved you and still do." You said you hadn't noticed the black velvet box.
"You didn't let me finish. Samantha is married woman jeweler that was helping me set my grandmother's diamond into a ring. I was coming home late because Hailey and Ava were helping me pick out a perfect spot to propose that night you stormed out. Also you still love me?" He asked and you nodded your head.
"Yes. I still love you." You said and he kissed you. You gladly kissed him back.
"I love you too. I was going to make this special but with how you look under these lights and the sunset now is as good time as any. So, here it goes. Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N I have loved you since the beginning. I have loved you since I laid my eyes on you. It was love at first sight for me. I knew you were the one right then and there. You are so special to me and when we broke up it broke me and when I saw you come into ED I was petrified. I don't want to lose you again. I want to grow old with you and have a family with you. So, will you make my dreams come true and make me the happiest man on earth and marry me?" He finished and was already kneeling on one knee as he pulled out the ring, it was a cut cornered princess cut with one diamond on each side, it was perfect. The way it glimmered under the light made it all more beautiful. You were crying and then you nodded your head.
"Absolutely, I will marry you. It'll make me the happiest woman in the world." He smiled and put the ring on your finger and gently grabbed your face and crashed his lips into yours. Everything was perfect.
---------------------------------------------------
When you were allowed to back to work you went with Connor and you were holding hands, everyone took notice of that. You both got changed and started your shift. You were told if you needed a break than you take it. The stitches had been removed but you didn't have your normal energy back just yet.
As the two of you walked out he left you at the desk and kissed you. "I'll see you later, fiancé." He said with a smile.
"Yes you will my soon to be husband." You smiled and he left. Everyone came up to you.
"So I take it you're back together." April said and you nodded and showed them the ring.
"More than back together. Engaged." You said and everyone squealed in excitement, the same way Hailey had done when you told her. They asked for details and you gave them. As they were talking to you, you saw Connor walk by with Will and Ethan and he smiled at you and winked which you returned.
Yea, everything was going to be ok. You had the man of your dreams and were about to start a life with him. It was perfect. You were finally in paradise.
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galebrainrot2024 · 1 month
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Gale x Tav Enemies to Lovers Part 19
Read on Ao3
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Full transparency, I did pull some loose lines from a NSFW of mine. No reason for me to totally reinvent the wheel! Enjoy :) Gale's POV
After the rest of their companions retired, Karlach tentatively walked over to Gale and stuck her head in his room, “Pst,” she waved a hand. “Up for a little late night walk about?” 
Despite his exhaustion and because the orb didn’t loom over him, he obliged and stood, groaning as he rose to his feet. “Gladly.” 
They walked the outskirts of the inn, trailing along the black water’s edge in silence before Karlach broke the silence. “So…” she said, rubbing the back of her neck, “How are you feeling? I mean, now that you’re not the only one facing the possibility of death.” 
Gale released a quick, short puff of air. “Oh, you know, ever the optimist.” He paused, sitting on the flat rocks overlooking the murky abyss. “I wouldn’t wish this fate on anyone, least of all you. It would be selfish to talk about myself when you’ve only learned of your fate.” 
Karlach laughed and shoved his shoulder, “Come off it, mate. I’ve been living on borrowed time and we both knew it, the difference is now it’s been confirmed. It’s not speculation anymore. This engine is going to blow and I’ll be damned if I step foot back in the hells. Besides,” she said, tossing a stick into the lake, “what have I got to offer this world? You were a chosen, an archmage… you have so much to live for and your death is not inevitable.” She looked at him seriously, “You have to reconsider.” 
“I’m just a man,” Gale frowned, running a hand over his weary face, “An imperfect one, with needs, wants, and flaws by the bushel. A fragile vessel in which to place potentially world-ending power.” 
Karlach groaned and stood to pace. “I hate it when you talk about yourself like that. Mystra must have done quite the number on you, for you to think so little of yourself.” 
Gale fiddled with his collar and sleeves, uncomfortable and unaccustomed to such blatant vulnerability. “Well, it’s hard to think highly of yourself once you’ve been reduced to a pitiful excuse to the person you once were. And even more so now that my ex-lover, and goddness of magic, has more or less signed my fate. My end.” 
“You have so much to live for,” Karlach expressed, waving her arms. “What about your friends? Tara? Your mother? Tav?” Gale ignored her when she emphasized Tav’s name and he swallowed hard. “Fine, ignore whatever is going on between Tav and you. What about the rest? If I were in your shoes, there’s no way I’d be willing to kill myself for a God like her.” 
Gale felt his temperature rise and clenched his fists, “It’s not that simple.” 
“Isn’t it?” She walked back and forth, emphasizing her point with broad strokes, “First, she casts you out with no explanation - I mean, yeah, you meddled in a Goddesses affairs, and she could have at least told you what you’d done. Has she ever told you, the source of the orb’s power I mean?” Gale shook his head and bit the insides of his cheek. “Exactly. So, we don’t even know what this thing is and she, an omnipotent being, couldn’t be bothered to offer you the grace of an explanation? You’re not the first human to make such an error, I’d reckon.” 
Gale laughed and shrugged, “Perhaps you’re right. Perhaps I ought to be angrier… ah… ultimately, it was my fault, my choice - my folly. I thought I knew better than a Goddess… I sought to return one, infinitesimal diamond to her crown. The equivalent of pouring a canteen of water into the Chionthar.” He scoffed, shaking his head, “Sacrificing myself for the rest of the realm feels like adequate punishment.” 
Karlach groaned again, “I won’t sit here and listen to you kick yourself while you’re down, mate. It’s too damn depressing. You made a mistake - a foolish one - and a mistake all the same. If Mystra can’t think of another way to extend her forgiveness other than for you to take your own life, she’s not Goddess worth worshipping. We will find another way.” 
“Maybe you should take your own advice,” Gale volleyed back to her. She smirked and threw a fistful of grass at him. 
“Hey!” He brushed the leaves from his person, the tension leaving him. She certainly knew how to change his mood. “I don’t appreciate being decorated in this shadowed muck, thank you. Shouldn’t I be the one asking you how you’re feeling anyway? How did this become about me?” 
She bellowed, raising her hands to the sky like a penitent. “This is the best day. The best day.” 
Gale balked, his eyes widening. “Karlach. You were just given a death sentence. The best day?” He rose a brow at her, skeptical. 
“You should know better than most how lonely it’s been to not be able to relish in anyone’s company. For years I’ve been starved of the simple pleasures of being alive. I’m so happy for me - in fact, I might be the happiest woman on the sword cost since I may have someone to cuddle up to tomorrow night…” Gale grinned to match her curled smirk. “I didn’t expect to see him here. He was giving me the old eye, right? I’m not making that up?” 
Gale stood and gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, “He was most definitely giving you the old eye. I’m happy for you, Karlach. Really I am. I.. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you how worried I am, though. Dammon’s right - the world is better with you in it.” 
“Listen,” she clasped his shoulders, looking at him seriously, “I’m never going back. If you said I could die right now or live a thousand years in the Hells, I’d choose to go out now with my freedom intact. I don’t expect anyone to understand that - but I’ve been dealt a hand most people don’t have to contemplate playing. You have, too - you should know better than anyone.” 
“It doesn’t have to be forever,” he insisted, “it could give some time to find a proper solution. I have a hard time believing it can’t be managed.” 
“You heard Dammon. There is no solution. It’s hell, or bust. I choose bust.” She shook her head and sighed, stepping away from him to look out at the endless blanketed sky. Her voice quavered, “I don’t want to talk about this now. I’ve been given a huge gift. I can touch people I love for the first time in a decade. And for the first time in a decade there are people I care about all around me. Let me enjoy that, please. I just want to celebrate this. At least for a little.” Gale understood the sentiment deeply and allowed the quiet night to consume them. 
*** 
“Answer me true,” Jaheira said, placing her hands on the table. “Do not lie. The parasite is changing you, isn’t it?” 
Gale stood behind Tav, observing carefully as she navigated the conversation. He was intrigued by her couth and furtiveness, how she leveraged her tone, her word choice, all while holding her cards tightly to her chest. As the days passed, Gale began to recognize how much he admired this in Tav. How they’d been faced with countless dangers, incredible odds, and she rarely faltered in her conviction. It was inspiring and arousing. He was enamored with how diplomatic she was, how tactful, just how cunning… and her talent with magic… it was enough to make him feel unhinged. 
“Well,” Tav said, tracing her finger over the rim of the glass she refused. “I’ve experienced so much since the crash. Who’s to say it’s the tadpole that changed me?” 
Jaheira sneered and Shadowheart giggled, earning her an elbow jab from Karlach who was listening intently. “You speak frivolously. Do you not grasp the cost of what we’re dealing with? Look around you… good people, stranded here two feet in the grave. If we’re to survive I have no choice but to trust you. Can I?” 
“Trust doesn’t matter -“ Tav said cooly and Gale felt his stomach knot, her confidence was electric. “I’ll get the job done. What happened to being the godsend you’d been praying for?” He felt his lips curl into a crooked grin, and ran his fingers through his hair as he watched her, two snakes in an elaborate dance. 
“That was a public display of hope, despite private reservations. I have every reason to be cautious. I’ve traced people like you - people with parasites in their brains. The cult is spreading through the city. Quietly. Quickly. With unsettling deliberation. We tracked them to this ancient village, only to be faced with a man we killed and buried over a century ago. General Kethric Thorm. Remember that name.” 
After speaking with Jaheira, the group made a b-line towards the stair to seek out Isobel’s protection - if they were to venture to Moonrise, they’d need much more than crude torches. Gale was seized with the gravity of it all - how much larger than them this was. Larger than just the tadpoles. It was bleak, and he felt a sinking dread that detonating the orb would be the way. 
He felt a lithe hand on his shoulder and turned his head as they lingered outside of Isobel’s room. “There will be another way,” Tav murmured and gave his upper arm a reassuring squeeze. He felt sick, overwhelmed by her touch, overwhelmed by the possibilities before him. Gale sought to ignore the creeping thoughts, the unholy things he wanted to do to her each time she touched him.
There was no ale, no potion, no feeling on earth that quite compared to when he looked into her eyes or when she touched him.
Her gaze lingered and Gale felt exposed, naked almost as she peered into his soul, as if she was probing the deepest recesses of his mind. As if she could hear his thoughts. 
“How can you be so sure…” he whispered, averting her eyes. He was shocked when he felt her fingers brush his jaw, her gentle grip turning his face to meet hers. 
“Because I know you, and I know myself. Neither of us do particularly well when we are told what we cannot do.” They held one another’s gaze for what felt like a millennia before Shadowheart cleared her throat. 
“As much as I hate to interrupt this precious moment, we have a cult to ambush, remember?” 
They blushed and separated like oil and water. “Right,” Tav said in a strained whisper and they swung open the doors. 
“I didn’t realize I had an audience -“ Isobel said, her white hair iridescent in the shadow's light. “The true soul who’s going to save us all. Pleased to meet you.” 
“Word travels fast.” Tav said, crossing her arms. 
“Hm… it’s a small inn. It’s almost too good to believe. Free from the Absolute’s influence, yet able to walk among cultists... yet, a blessing all the same. Let me guess, Jaheira sent you to beg a protection spell of her favorite cleric.” 
As Isobel manipulated the blue light that projected from her palm, Gale cocked a brow at Shadowheart’s scoff. Bold, to openly denounce someone who was offering their guidance and help. Selunite cleric or not, he’d thought her more clever than that. Old wounds die hard, he supposed. 
“This should help get you closer to the towers… but there are places it won’t help, where the curse is too strong, darker. The cultists are able to traverse the deepest shadows - the harpers are trying to figure it out.” 
“Selunite magic.” Shadowheart scoffed and shook her head, as if to rid herself of the spell. “Dark Lady forgive me.” 
“Good nose - like a nasty little terrier.” Isobel quipped, a clip that would have earned a nasty retort from Shadowheart had there not been a strange, threatening noise that engulfed them.
Gale felt a rumbling, as if the ground itself threatened to split open. He reached out, grabbing hold of Tav’s arm. “Something is wrong.”
** 
As Karlach wiped Marcus’s blood from her axe, Gale wiped his face with a cloth. Shadowheart brushed off her armor and rolled her shoulder’s back. “Well. There’s always something, isn’t there.” 
“The plot thickens,” Karlach said, taking a gulp of water. “What I’d give for some precedented, run of the mill ass-whopping. This all feels… I don’t know. Too heavy.” Gale’s brow furrowed - it wasn’t often she admitted to feeling overwhelmed.  
“This is the same Karlach that fought in the Blood War?” Gale taunted, to which she stuck out her tongue in mock defiance and tossed the bloodied, balled-up cloth at him. 
Gale dodged the throw, holding out his arms as if to say 'See that? This Wizard still has some tricks up his sleeve.' Then, he looked steadily at Tav and his face contorted for a moment - was that a flash of jealousy? He licked his lips, trying to add moisture to his desperately parched mouth. Tav’s knuckles were white as they gripped her canteen.
Gale extended a hand to her, “Care to share?” 
He admired how her skin flushed, the beads of sweat pooling on her forehead and snaked in miniature rivulets down her cheeks. When she handed him the canteen, her fingers brushed against his knowingly and he felt electrified. Before he could reconcile with himself, the words spilled out of him like a bad batch of Hundur sauce. 
“You know… it’s quite thrilling, to fight off such grim creatures as this region throws at us. Especially being at your side,” he paused for a moment, embarrassed yet unable to stop, “I once… read a book that explained in some detail the effect a brush with danger has on one’s desire for… other forms of stimulation.” He swallowed some water, though it did little to alleviate the desert inside, “Have you ever read anything on that subject?” 
He was acutely conscious of the gleeful shock on Shadowheart and Karlach’s faces. He bit down on the inside of his lip and swayed a bit on his feet before relief consumed him as Tav spoke: “Read it?” she said softly, but with a knowing glint in her eyes that made Gale’s heart flutter, “I could have written the damn thing...” he saw her swallow hard, the hallow of her neck calling out to him like a siren song. What he would give to flick his tongue along the vulnerable skin.  
Gale cleared his throat, shifting to conceal his growing arousal. Thank the gods he was wearing a loose robe.”Oh…” he took a deep breath, a lopsided grin betraying his wanton need, “Then might I suggest we pool our knowledge. No sense in letting valuable, first hand experience go to waste.” He tried to steady himself as his mind whirled with salacious details, the lustful heat seeping through his body and soul. He wanted more than her physical body. He wanted all of her - her mind, her soul. To bond with her in a tantric, unworldly experience. “Perhaps it’s just the thrill of our near-undead experience talking, but standing at your side through such darkness and disrepair...my Gods..” Gale’s face softened, his voice cool. He couldn’t quite manage the rest once he realized he saw the same hunger, the ache in her soul.
The words lodged in his throat, unable to be uttered and so they lingered invisibly in the air: it only makes me want you more. 
He wasn't able to spare himself further embarrassment. “Gale - did you just,” Shadowheart broke the silence, “I’m sorry, did you just tell Tav you wanted to have sex with her by citing a book?” Shadowheart giggled, though not out of malice. "After we just murdered a teeming host of winged horrors and a mangled, freaky-cultist? I didn't think you had it in you, to be honest."
The way Karlach began to crack up made his ears burn. The air seemed to crackle, alive and whipping with the impending storm of two bodies desperate to intertwine. Gale and Tav were side by side, he staring down into her enrapturing eyes and allowed himself to indulge in every inch of her face, her body…
Karlach started: “So, Tav, are you going to let the wizard ba-“ 
But before she could finish her sentiment, Jaheira bounded up the stairs, accosting them and Isobel. The conversation would have to wait. 
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foundheavenly · 2 months
Text
“I've missed this” [1]
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Disclaimer: English is not my mother tongue so please be nice
Words: 1368
Plot: In which you see again your workaholic ex-boyfriend
Pairing: nanami x reader
Theme: fluff, ex-lovers, comfort
A tired sigh leaft your mouth as you took a seat in the subway. It has been a busy day, you worked harder than your daily routine, and the usual stress got worse over time. You got so caught up in the task that you forgot to eat lunch or have any breaks. You have worked for more than 12 hours today, it was beyond what you usually do.
You looked around the wagon, observing attentively every person, then you saw a familiar face. Your heart almost exploded. It was him, he was just in front of you after all this time.
It's been two years.
The rush of memories hit you like a tidal wave and your heart raced with a mixture of emotions. You had hoped that time would have dulled the lingering feelings but as you watched him walk through the bustling crowd, you knew it wasn’t the case.
Damn.
You both had an intense history in the past, but none of you could tell if it was a good one or not, especially in the end of it.
His gaze hold a mixture of surprise and recognition. It was as if time had momentarily frozen. You met his stare, unsure of what to say after all these years.
Nanami approached you with a tentative yet determined expression. You felt your heart beat even more at each steps he took. You tried to compose yourself but your palms got sweaty and your breath stucked in your throat. The familiar scent of his cologne wafted through the air.
You had convinced yourself that you should hate him, that you should be over the late night he spent at the office, the missed dates, and the emotional distance that had driven you apart. But seeing him right now...well everything came back and you couldn’t deny the flicker of longing that danced in your chest.
“Kento?” You called out, your voice carrying pure uncertainty.
Your eyes locked. And a warm smile formed on his drained and marked face.
“Y/N? Is that really you?” He asked, a hint of disbelief in his voice.
His voice was as sweet yet low as before. You had missed hearing it. You missed everything about him actually.
You nodded, a small smile forming at the corners of your lips. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Yeah, two years” Kento replied, his eyes searching for any sign of affection in yours. “How have you been?”
He was just a few steps away from you, standing in the middle of the crowd while you are still seated.
You hesitated for a moment, grappling with the emotion wave threatening to surface. After all, you couldn't say to him that you had missed him and that you only wanted to pull him into a tight hug. “I’ve been good” You replied, opting for a neutral answer. "What about you?"
There was moment of awkward silence before he spoke again “Same for me, thank you. So, hum, I heard you left, got a new job in a different city”
You nodded again and you immediately understood that Shoko and Satoru must have told him about you moving out. It was necessary. You needed a break from everything, so you went to Shibuya and got into a new company.
Even if you both broke up and you were not from their world, you still stayed in contact with the others. But they never spoke to you about your past story or about Kento.
“Yeah, I did. Life changes, you know”
His eyes softened and you couldn’t help but feel a pang of nostalgia. “I’ve been trying to slow down a bit” He admitted. “Work consumed me, and I realized I was missing out on a lot.”
You couldn’t deny the truth and the sincerity in his words. Your past had been marked by his relentless dedication to his career and it had taken a toll on your relationship.
“I wished I could hate you” You admitted, surprising even yourself with your honesty. “But I never really moved on. The feelings are still there”
Nanami’s gaze softened and he kneeled down to your height, holding carefully the rope. “I’m sorry for the way things ended. I should have prioritized us over work” The sincerity in his voice stirred conflicting emotions within you.
The subway doors slipped open and you both stepped out into the bustling city.
“Do you mind walking with me?”
The suggestion of a walk around the park lingered in the air and you found yourself surprisingly willing to go along with it. The park had always been a place of warmth and peace for you during your time together. So coming back, with him, was something you would cherish for a long time.
“Sure, a walk sounds nice” You smiled and Nanami’s eyes lit up.
You both walked through the busy streets until the cityscape gave way to the tranquility of the park. The familiar sights and sounds brought back more memories, both joyful and challenging. The autumn leaves crunched beneath your heels as you walked along the winding paths.
“I didn’t expect to run into you today. It’s almost like fate brought us together” He broke the silence, his voice filled with sincerity.
You smiled at his words, acknowledging the irony of the situation. “Yeah, it’s a small world”
Suddenly as you were walking side by side, his fingers brushed against yours and you almost had a heart attack. Nanami cleared his throat and put his hand in his pocket. That’s when you saw he was wearing his usual beige suit with his white shirt and his usual tie.
He’s so handsome, it’s so annoying.
Nanami talked again, his tone reflective. “I’ve had a lot of time to think these past few years. About us, about myself”
You look up at him, gripping on your black purse, and waited for him to continue.
“I realized I was so caught in the pursuit of success that I neglected the things that truly mattered” He admits. “And you were one of those things”
His honesty caught you off guard, but you appreciated the vulnerability and the tentative. You stopped in your tracks, the sound of your heels stopping, and you looked at his back. Nanami followed your movements and turned around to observe you.
“It’s never too late to make amends, Kento”
He sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair. “I know, I’ve been trying to change, to find a better balance. Yet I can’t change the past”
“No one can” You replied, your gaze now fixed in the path ahead. You looked around the park, feeling the sun hitting on your face and seeing it setting down behind the buildings. It’s a beautiful scenery.
You didn’t know but Nanami felt like he was looking at the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, and it was an understatement. You were the most beautiful woman in his eyes, you always were and you will always be. Back in the days you were together, he saw himself building a future with you, getting married in Malaysia just like he always wanted and even having a little family with you, but his work destroyed everything. And he hated himself for this.
“But we can learn from it and make different choices moving forward”
Gosh how much he wanted to hold you again, to have you around all day, to come back to you at the end of the day, to have special dates and just to love you.
Nanami nodded thoughtfully and looked deeply in your eyes. The world around you disappeared and it was only him and you. He was the love of your life, you knew that. And he knew the same about you.
“I’ve missed this” He said. “Talking to you, being able to share”
Your heart exploded inside your chest and you smiled “I missed it too”
You walked again side by side, enjoying the comfortable silence. Then Nanami looked at his watch and he seemed to realize the time. He hesitated to say anything because he wanted to stay with you, to spend more time again with you. But he needed to get back home and to finished his papers.
“I should get going” He said.
You sighed then nodded. “Yeah, it’s getting late”
There was another moment of hesitation before he spoke again. He took a few steps closer to you and leaned in to press his soft lips against your right cheek. Your eyes widen at the contact and you knew you were a blushing mess right now. Even after all this time, he had the same effect on you.
“I’m glad we ran into each other today. Maybe we can do this again. Sometimes”
You smileed at him, a mixture of nostalgia and excitement in your eyes. “Yeah, we should do that. You still have my number, right?”
He smiled warmly and nodded. Then he turned around and walked towards the exit of the park. You stayed there, looking at his back, and you sighed.
Damn you, Nanami Kento.
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munson-blurbs · 6 months
Note
Three Musketeers + Lemon head + Eddie
Love, @corroded-hellfire 💚
Exes-to-lovers/Mom!Reader/Eddie Munson
My birthday gift to you, my love. Thank you for being my best friend, my soulmate, my other half. I can't believe we haven't even known each other for a full year. I love you more than Max loves Steve's chest hair.
Warnings: marital strife and separation (it ends well, I promise!)
WC: 840
Divider credit to @saradika
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Your fingers hover tentatively over the phone’s number pad, the receiver heavy in your palm. 
Do it for Harmony, you silently will yourself; as if on cue, your six-year-old daughter tugs on your sleeve impatiently.
“Mommy, just call him!” she huffs, hands on her hips in a display of attitude. Six going on sixteen, you think. “I want him to see my costume!” She gives a little twirl as her tulle skirt fans out around her.
“Okay, Cinderella,” you relent with a laugh dialing the seven numbers that you hated to commit to memory. Because it means that Eddie is still living there, and not here.
Here is the home you’d bought together, pooling all your savings together to afford a two-bedroom house just outside of Hawkins. There is the apartment he’d been renting since you two had agreed on a trial separation four months ago.
It’s not that you didn’t love him; besides Harmony, you loved him more than anything in the world. But there had been too many evenings where he came home far later than promised, too many date nights canceled in favor of last-minute gigs at the Hideout, too many mornings that he’d scrambled to work without even offering you a kiss goodbye. At some point, your spark had fizzled out, and you didn’t have the energy to rekindle it. 
He picks up on the second ring with a soft, “Hello?”
“Hey, ba—Eddie, it’s me.” You catch yourself just before you can utter the pet name. 
“Is Harmony okay? Are you okay?” There’s an urgency in his voice that tugs at your heartstrings. 
“We’re fine,” you hurriedly assure him, hearing a sigh of relief from his end of the line. “She just picked out her costume and wants to show you, if you’re free.”
His eager promise to be right over forms a pit in your stomach. You know he’ll show; he wouldn’t get his daughter’s hopes up for nothing. The problem is you: seeing him makes you miss him more, and you don’t want to want him. Not if the feeling isn’t mutual. 
Sure enough, he’s at the house in fifteen minutes flat, leaning up against the frame when you open the door. “Hi.” One breathy word from his mouth already leaves you in shambles. His brown eyes flick from your lips upwards.
“Hi.” You stand, motionless, for a beat too long. “Oh, um, come in.” It’s strange and sad to have to grant him permission to enter, and while you appreciate him respecting that boundary, you almost wish he didn’t.
Harmony eases the tension, flinging herself into her father’s arms with an excited, “Daddy! I’m Cinderella!” She giggles as he peppers her face with kisses and hugs her tight. “Can you be Prince Charming? No, wait,” she scrunches her nose, “if you’re Prince Charming, then Mommy has to be Cinderella.”
You clear your throat, eager to change the subject. “Okay, Princess, go change into your pajamas and get ready for bed.”
She pouts but obeys, turning towards the staircase before swiveling around again. “Can we watch a movie?” Her hopeful eyes shine bright. “Like we used to do before Daddy moved away?”
Your heart tears in two, and you look over at Eddie. He gives an approving smile, but the time on the microwave clock requires an altered plan. “How about one episode of The PowerPuff Girls?” you suggest.
That satisfies her, and she flounces upstairs to her room. 
Eddie sighs, walking over to you with his arms crossed over his chest. “Whatever happens with us, we made the cutest kid in the world.” He opens his mouth to say more, but closes it before any words can escape. 
Curiosity tugs at you, urging you to ask him what’s on his mind, but you shove it down and press on. “We really did,” you manage, biting your lower lip. “Are…when can we talk about what’s happening with us? What the next steps are?”
“It all depends on what you want, babe.” The nickname slips out unintended, but he doesn’t take it back. “I just know that I miss you, miss us…” He rakes his fingers through his hair, fighting the desire to wrap you in a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry. I was a shitty husband, and I promise I’ll do better if I can get one more chance.” 
Your voice is small when you ask, “do you still love me?”
He doesn’t reply with words initially; his lips crash onto yours hungrily while his hand presses against the small of your back. “I love you more than I can ever explain.” He digs into his pocket and pulls out his wedding ring. “I, um, brought this…in case you want me to wear it again?” It’s a question, an inflection at the end.
You nod, taking it from him and sliding it on his fourth finger, just as you did on your wedding day. “I do,” you laugh. “Are you ready to honeymoon with Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup?”
“I couldn’t dream of anything better.”
--
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whatacaitastrophe · 11 days
Text
Everything Has Changed - Chapter 6
Previous Chapter
Chapter Song Inspiration: "I Can See You" - Taylor Swift
Chapter Warnings: none
Spotify Playlist: Here
Author Notes: Thank you all so much for reading, reblogging, liking, and commenting on this fic (and the first one)! If you are interested in supporting me in other ways, I have a Ko-Fi link. ya girl has been behind on bills for two months and i've got a dog to feed, and every little bit helps <3
Chapter 6: Baby, If You Only Knew
Fallon shouldn’t be laughing. Firstly, laughing was incredibly painful. This was the primary reason that Fallon was desperately trying to hold in her laughter as the situation unfolded in front of her. Second, it was Astarion who was the misfortunate one who they were laughing at, and he would definitely be bothered by the fact that she laughed with Gale and Arabella. Then again, it wasn’t every day that her boyfriend was accidentally turned into a cat by her ex-boyfriend’s wild magic, so perhaps this was one of those rare moments where, despite her lover’s displeasure, laughing through the pain was acceptable. 
She didn’t need to be able to understand the meows coming from the fluffy white cat at her feet to know Astarion was furious. “Gods, to have a Potion of Animal Speaking on me right now,” Fallon giggled, wiping tears from her eyes. She looked between Gale and Arabella. “Do either of you have one?” 
“I do, actually.” Arabella offered, quickly standing up and rushing to her tent to grab the potion. 
“You know he’s never going to forgive you for this.” Fallon warned Gale, and the sorcerer chuckled. 
“I’d expect nothing less,” He shook his head. “Is it bad that I’m not sorry?” 
Fallon snorted, which earned them both a devastating glare and a hiss from the cat. “Maybe a little.” 
Arabella returned with the potion and handed the bottle to Fallon, who quickly uncapped it and swallowed down the potion in two gulps. 
A tingling sensation worked its way through her body and within moments, the angry meows coming out of the cat’s mouth were in Common. 
“Not sorry, I’ll show that bastard what not sorry looks like.” Astarion ranted as he paced and his tail lashed rapidly back and forth. 
“Are you okay, Astarion?” Fallon asked, trying to suppress her giggles once again now that she could speak with him. 
“Don’t bother holding back your laughter now, darling, it didn’t stop you before,” He huffed. “If by ‘okay’ you mean 'not at risk of being burned to a crisp by the sun', then yes, it appears I’m fine! But if you’re concern is regarding the fact that Gale turned me into a bloody fucking house cat, then no, I am ABSOLUTELY NOT FINE!” 
The last time Astarion shrieked at her like this, it was when Fallon accidentally locked him in the Githyanki creche after she and Shadowheart convinced him to steal The Blood of Lathander, and the building exploded with Astarion still inside. The effect was lessened, however, by his current fluffy situation.“Well at least we know you’re not a vampiric cat.” She offered, trying to find the silver lining of this situation. 
“Tell him to change me back this instant, or I will shred his pillow.” Astarion demanded, ignoring her optimism. 
Fallon looked at Gale. “Do you think you can turn him back?”
Gale shook his head. “I’m not even sure how he got turned in the first place, so, no. I don’t think I can.”
“Perfect, just bloody perfect.” Astarion growled, and Fallon offered him a sympathetic look. 
“Any ideas, Arabella?” Gale inquired of the teenager, a slight blush creeping back into his cheeks at the embarrassment of having to ask someone more than half his age for advice about magic. 
She shrugged. “I could try, but transformational magic that complex isn’t something I’ve done much of, so I could end up just making it worse.” 
“Yes, let’s not leave my fate to the teenager, thank you.” Astarion hopped up onto the log and perched next to Fallon. 
“He said no,” Fallon summarized, leaving Astarion’s passive aggressive insult out. Instinctively she reached over and began scratching behind Astarion’s ears, like she would with any other animal. “Is it any comfort to know that you’re an extremely handsome cat?” It was a hilariously awkward situation, but maybe if she could appeal to Astarion’s vanity he would calm down enough so he wouldn’t hurt Gale once he was human again. 
Astarion huffed again. “I know what you’re doing, and no, it is not,” He pressed his furry head into Fallon’s palm and purred. “Though that feels nice.” 
Fallon continued scratching behind Astarion’s ears, and kissed the top of his head. “So none of us have any idea how long this is going to last?” 
Arabella and Gale shook their heads, and Fallon sighed. “Well, at least we weren’t planning on traveling today anyway.” 
“Gale, would you like me to show you some more basic spells while we wait for Astarion to turn back? That way, you’ll at least be able to defend yourself when he tries to murder you.” Arabella offered.
Gale glared at the teenager. “Yes, that would be most appreciated, thank you.” He replied dryly before turning his attention to Astarion. “Astarion, I do hope you know that I didn’t turn you into a cat on purpose, and that you will consider this fact before maiming me or my belongings.” 
“I’ll maim whoever the fuck I want, I got turned into a bloody cat.” Astarion hissed, and Gale flinched. 
“He said he’ll think about it.” Fallon grinned, giggling again at the sight of a grown man being afraid of a cat. 
“Don’t lie to him.” Astarion ordered her as Gale walked away with Arabella. 
“You’re not really going to hurt him, are you?” Fallon asked, scooping Astarion up into her arms and carrying him back to their tent so she could lay down. She might as well spend their rest day curled up with a book, and a cat in her lap. “It kind of feels like bullying a toddler, with the way he can barely control his magic right now.”
“Gods, will you ever stop trying to make me a better person?” Astarion whined.
“Probably not.” 
“Fine, on my honor, I will not harm the baby sorcerer.” Astarion rolled his eyes. Fallon didn’t know cats could do that. “Can I at least be a thorn in his side until I turn back?” 
“You don't need my permission, love, but why would you do that when you could stay here and have a cuddle with me?” Fallon set Astarion down on the ground once they were inside the tent, and sat down next to him. She scratched behind his ears again, and the cat purred. 
“Mmm tempting as that is, I think I’d rather be a nuisance to the man who turned me into a cat since you won’t let me kill him.” He licked her hand affectionately, and then trotted back out of the tent, leaving Fallon alone. She shook her head and picked up her book.
Over the next hour, every so often Fallon heard the sounds of something being knocked to the ground, followed by the sound of Arabella giggling and Gale snapping Astarion’s name. With each sound of an object clattering to the ground, the volume of Gale’s voice increased, as did his frustration. She knew that Gale didn’t have many personal items with him, so it was very likely that Astarion had taken it upon himself to repeatedly knock the same object over, much like a normal cat would. She would never say this to his face, but Fallon was of the opinion that Astarion made an excellent cat. He certainly had the right attitude. 
Fallon did not put her book down until she heard the telltale “wooshing” sound of transformational magic, followed shortly by a surprised shout from Gale and the sound of Astarion’s voice.
“Don’t you run from me, Gale!” Astarion shouted, and Fallon moved so quickly she barely had time to register the pain that shot through her body as she exited her tent to bear witness to whatever was happening outside. Arabella was standing between the grown men with a large force field surrounding her body, causing Gale and Astarion to run in circles around her as they tried to get to each other. A wide grin bloomed on Fallon’s face and she just stood there, watching, not bothering to intervene. Gale’s gaze fell to Fallon and lingered there a moment too long, grinning at her. That was when Astarion struck, tackling Gale to the ground. 
They tumbled in the dirt, wrestling each other like two schoolboys. Fallon looked at Arabella, and the tiefling shook her head. Whatever the goal was, neither Gale or Astarion seemed to have any intention of actually causing the other serious physical harm, so Fallon was inclined to just let them burn each other out. Fallon walked over to Arabella. “How was spell training?” She asked. 
“It actually went pretty well– Gale is a fast learner. Of course, we didn’t get through many of them, thanks to Catstarion causing chaos.” Arabella giggled, her eyes still on the men in the dirt. “I don’t remember the two of them being this…combative the last time I saw you all.” 
Fallon laughed once. “You’ve missed a lot.” 
“I mean, I had a feeling since you’re sharing a tent with Astarion now, and not Gale.” Fallon had forgotten that the last time Arabella shared a camp with them all, Fallon had been in a relationship with Gale. 
“Fair enough,” She conceded. Fallon turned her head to look at Arabella. “Did you see Gale blush earlier when you asked if they kissed?” Fallon needed to be certain she hadn’t been the only one to notice. She’d heard the way Gale flirted with Astarion the night the vampire called him Fallon’s new stray dog, reminding him that Astarion loved Scratch, too, but Fallon had assumed that was just to shake Astarion’s confidence and confuse him. 
“Oh, he totally blushed.” Arabella confirmed. “Do you think they have? Kissed?” 
Fallon went quiet for a moment and turned her attention back to Gale and Astarion wrestling. As Astarion’s partner, the thought of him kissing someone else, especially her ex-boyfriend, should bother her. Only…it didn’t. When she pictured Astarion and Gale kissing, it wasn’t an unwelcome sight. Her mind drifted and the picture in her mind shifted. Fallon pictured herself between Astarion and Gale, their hands roaming over her body as they kissed each other, and she could feel her body heating at the thought. After perhaps a second of hesitation too long, Fallon shook her head to rid herself of the fantasy and to deny Arabella’s question. “Definitely not. Astarion can barely stand to be around the same campfire as Gale. It would never happen.”
Gale and Astarion had finally slowed, as Gale had finally tapped out and apologized to Astarion for turning him into a cat. As they lay on the ground next to each other panting, another image flashed through Fallon’s mind: the two of them laying next to each other, panting because they’d just satisfied her so thoroughly she couldn’t remember her own name. Fallon’s heartbeat picked up as treacherous arousal bloomed inside of her. No, she wouldn’t mind any of those things at all. 
Well, she thought to herself. That’s going to be a problem. 
Chapter List
25 notes · View notes
Text
Maria's Summer Drabbles!
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I have decided (tentatively) to write and post a drabble per day for the month of July! I'm aiming for no more than 1k-2k words per each, with very little editing or stewing over it, just as a challenge for myself!
Characters and prompts are subject to change.
Prompts, pictures and dividers are not mine.
July 1 - (Marc Spector) B moving over their chair in the shade so A can sit beside them
July 2 - (Javier Peña) A curling up using B’s legs as a chair seat
July 3 - (Marc Spector) Sunscreening each other
July 4 - (Jonathan Levy) Sipping from the other’s drink
July 5 - (Joel Miller) Curling up together on a beach blanket at the beach
July 6 - (Jonathan Levy) B reading and A watching with their chin on B's shoulder
July 7 - (Santiago Garcia) A midnight picnic
July 8 - (Marc Spector) B feeling shy in swimwear and A hyping them up
July 9 - (Javier Peña) Making summer playlists for each other
July 10 - () “Oh my God, why are you crying? Does me liking you disgust you that much?” “No, you dumbass, it’s because you like me back but I spent all of this time thinking you’d never like me that way!”
July 11 - (Marc Spector)  “it’s too hot for hugs.” 
July 12 - (Marc Spector)  “you did not just bite into your popsicle.”
July 13 - (Joel Miller)   “why isn’t the air on?? turn it on!” 
July 14 - (Jonathan Levy)  “ew, you’re all sweaty...” 
July 15 - (Jonathan Levy) hesitantly tugging the other's fabric of their shirt or sleeve, testing the waters
July 16 - (Dieter Bravo) heart pounding whenever the other does so much as to hold onto their wrist while guiding them through a crowd
July 17 - (Joel Miller) one leaning their head onto the other's shoulder suddenly and they just freeze
July 18 - (Marc Spector) their breath hitching whenever the other gets a little closer, feeling crushed when that action is taken as a sign of discomfort and they watch them slowly back off
July 19 - (Jonathan Levy) feeling so lonely that they have to call their lover/friend, just to get a sense and reminder that they're still there
July 20 - (Joel Miller) unconsciously showing displays of affection (ex. playing with their hair, rubbing their hand with their thumb) because it comes natural when with them, but when they get called out for it, they scramble to find an excuse (and maybe give an unnecessary apology)
July 21 - (Marc Spector) gazing at them from afar because they're just so...
July 22 - (Layla El-Faouly) brushing their hair for them and smiling fondly as they just ramble about their day
July 23 - (Javier Peña) “you make me feel alive again. i’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.”
July 24 - (Joel Miller) asking the other to sing for them
July 25 - (Jonathan Levy) burying their face into the other's chest/shoulder when they get embarrassed or shy
July 26 - (Jonathan Levy) one reading aloud as the other is lying on their shoulder, dozing off to the sound of their voice
July 27 - (Joel Miller) “do you think we’d still be a couple in an alternate universe?” “go to bed.” “what if we already got married and have five kids.” “go to bed.” 
July 28 - (Dieter Bravo) “I’ll get over you. I promise. These feelings, they’re— they’re only temporary, I swear. I—I’ll get over you. Just please don’t leave me—” “Did you ever think, that maybe, I don’t want you getting over me? What if I don’t want these feelings to be only temporary? That maybe I... Like you, too?”
July 29 - () “so then- oh. you’re asleep.”  
July 30 - (Marc Spector) being especially protective of their s/o in their new surroundings
July 31 - (Marc Spector) admiring their partner whilst they sunbathe
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