Tumgik
#except the class trip in 8th grade where one of the girls in my room drank a bottle of wine that she found in a bush
mirei-nari · 7 months
Text
Oh here's another one. My 6th grade graduation. I had a dress for this one though. Except no one showed up for this either. I had maybe a max of 5 leis because I had 3 teachers in my class thay year because it was the biggest class. And like 2 from my friends' parents. Everyone else had leis up to their eyes. This day I vividly remember walking home in that dress with 5 leis that I put in my bag. I don't remember if I cried or anything. I know I'm crying now just thinking about it. I've been to every single one of my cousin's graduations but no one came to the first and last one I ever had.
That's probably why I didn't finish high school. Because I knew my graduation wouldn't matter. Plus my parents didnt care enough. Thought I was independent and disciplined enough to do online schooling instead. Look where that put me.
Another one is probably the camping trip from 5th grade as well. My dad dropped me off that morning. I remember him being annoyed because I had to be there early for the bus. That field trip was so fun even though I did get hurt. My dad's friend that was living with us at the time picked me up. I don't remember much after getting into his car and getting home. I wasn't close with this friend at all so it was a silent ride home even though I really wanted to talk about the field trip. I don't think I talked to any adults about that field trip. Only people I talking about it with was my friends at the time. I wasn't asked why I had a huge bandage on my leg either. I know I cleaned it and redressed it by myself when I got home too.
Another one was in the 8th grade. I think this is when the depression started to kick in and I didn't even know at the time. One of my very best friends moved away and for a week straight I just locked myself up in my room and cried even though I didn't know why I was just so sad. As I got older I realized I was upset because my one of my best friends moved away i was never going to see her again. And I didn't know how to say I was sad about that. Because I remember thinking to myself "it's just someone moving away. Why are you so sad about it. You have other friends." And these were full on sobbing crying sessions. For a week straight. No one asked me why I was crying.
9th grade. My last year at the high-school. My best male friend since 4th grade got a girlfriend and she didn't like me at all and so that friendship ended. My other girl best friend and I got into a dramatic fight about God knows what in the rain. I walked home that day fucking crying. I remember walking into the house soaking wet and the first thing I heard someone say was "don't bring the rain in" like I had a fucking choice.
I got asked out as a fucking joke because, and these were the exact words, "someone had to take one for the team". That lasted a week because teenagers are stupid and can't keep their mouth shut. So when I found out I ended it and came home crying that day too. But hey. No one cared because my mom tried to kill herself after finding out my dad was cheating on her. Which they tried to hide but i wasnt stupid then. I just pretended to not notice because i knew they were hiding it from me. This is probably why I'm deathly afraid of any type of relationship other than friendship. This is probably why I hyper fixate on fictional characters so much. Not to mention when I turned 18 and my dad started the divorce process straight up told me he ONLY stayed with my mother because he did not want to pay child support. Lmao like how the hell do you tell that to your child and not expect it to fuck up their entire view of the world.
I think my family just didn't say anything because 1: they were too busy with their own lives and 2: just thought I was being a teenager.
Jfc. These aren't even everything. These are just the ones that stand out to me when I think about my childhood.
I really thought I just had a normal childhood. But reading what I've been writing made me fully realize that I did not in fact have a normal childhood. I had a very fucked up childhood and turned me into whatever the hell sad human being I am today. Lovely.
0 notes
Tumblr media
15K notes · View notes
ricksroaches · 3 years
Text
Y/N part 1 - Dysphoria ch. 5
pairing: Yoongi x Reader, OT7 x Reader (platonic)
summary: Y/N has an accident at a Halloween party that sends her further down the wrong path.
notes: Occasionally I'll make some grammatical errors on purpose for emotional emphasis so that's why. Also sorry this took so long I'm kinda going through some stuff right now.
word count: 16.9k
warnings: language, drugs, self harm, mental hospitalization, shitty parents, near drowning, anxiety attack, overdose, hospitalization, miscarriage, sedation
“Do you know why you’re here, Y/N?”
“Spare me. I’ve done this before.”
“I know you have. I’m simply asking if you understand that you need this.”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t understand?”
“No, I mean that I don’t need this.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I’ve already accepted that this is how I feel, and how I’ll keep feeling ‘til I die. No amount of talking it out and coping skills will change that.”
“Well, that’s not a very healthy way to look at it.”
“Yeah, no shit, but it works for me and I’d appreciate it if people didn’t waste their time trying to fix me so they can feel better about themselves.”
“I understand.”
“Obviously, you don’t. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here.”
“I do. I’m not here to tell you what you're doing wrong. I’m here to figure out how and why you got to where you are.”
“What, you gonna pick apart my life and tell me where everything went wrong?”
“Not exactly.”
“Then what?”
“Well first, I’d like to go back and discuss your experience at St. Joseph’s.”
“I don’t really feel like talking about that.”
“Y/N, these sessions are mandatory. No matter how much you resist, we’re still stuck here, so you might as well take advantage of the time we still have.”
“…”
“Or, we could just here in silen-”
“Fine. Anything but that.”
~~~
8TH GRADE
The cold classroom was silent except for the steady tick of the clock on the wall. It was only third hour and Y/N already wanted to jump out a window. She’d long finished her classwork and homework, so she buried herself in her sketchbook. Drawing was always her safe place. She found it meditative being able to just turn off her brain and let the pencil map out her mind.
Everyone jumped a little when the intercom released its usual loud beep. “I need to see Y/N L/N in the office.” Her stomach fluttered at the chance to get out of class. “And tell her to bring her things.” She halted. What? She didn’t have any appointments that she knew of, and her parents weren’t the type to check her out for minor things. Her head pounded while she stuffed everything in her backpack with everyone, including her teacher, watching her.
Backpack slung over one shoulder, she made her way down the bland cream and blue hallway that she’d spent the last three miserable years in. Jimin was her best friend all through elementary school, but he switched to a private school, leaving her to fend for herself in a new school of unfamiliar faces. He didn’t want to leave her, but the school she was going to didn’t have a dance department, and his mom had convinced him to go. By the time she found out that the school in question had the best arts program in the district, it was too late. There was no way her parents could afford to send her there anyway.
She’d be lying if she said she was happy he was pursuing his dream. Making friends wasn’t an easy task, Jimin was always the one that did the talking. So she settled for whoever cared enough to give her the time of day. There was only one person she was actually close enough with to hang out outside of school, Abigail. To say she was the dominant one in their relationship would be an understatement. Whatever Abi said, went. Whatever Abi wanted, she got. Whatever she wanted to do, Y/N was dragged along whether she liked it or not. She didn’t mind that much. It was better than no one.
The office door came into view, and she ran over every possible circumstance in her head before opening it. Her parents stood by the front desk. Her dad was clutching her mom’s trembling hand. “Mom? Dad? What’s going on? Did somebody die??”
“No, everything’s fine. We’ll explain on the way.” Her dad took it upon himself to answer.
“Uh...o-kay?”
The second her dad pulled the car onto the road, her mom turned around to face her. “I don’t really know how to start this, so I’m just going to say it. I was cleaning your room last week and found something.”
“What?” She pulled an old DVD case from the glove box and set it in Y/N’s lap. Every single defense mechanism in her body went off at once as she gawked at the image of a black bobbed Uma Thurman laying on a bed with racey magazines, puffing on a cigarette. Her favorite movie. But she knew it wasn’t the inappropriate film that her parents were concerned about. She slid the plastic sheath off to reveal-. They weren’t there.
“Looking for these?” Her mom held up her palm stacked with the razor blades she’d tucked behind the cover. Y/N’s face turned a sickly white, her mouth opening and closing to think of something to say. Her mind was moving so fast her words couldn’t keep up. She had nothing.
“Really? You have nothing to say for yourself?” She subconsciously pulled down her sweater sleeves. Her mom snatched her wrist and yanked the knit fabric back. “How could you do this to yourself?” She turned her arm to make her look at the pale pink and red lines that peppered all the way up her arm. “This is going to stay on you forever. What do you expect people to think when summer comes?”
Y/N dropped her head against the headrest and squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. Of all the scenarios she thought of, this wasn't one of them. This had to be a dream. It had to be. She tried to pull her arm away and her mom let go, letting it fall to her side. She turned to her dad with a look that screamed, Say something! He simply shook his head in disappointment.
The car was silent for a long time before she finally mustered the strength to open her mouth. “W-where are we going...?”
“A Catholic youth center.”
“A youth center?”
“Yes. They offer great adolescent counseling.”
“But I don't want to.” She crossed her arms defensively.
“Y/N, we just want to get you help, but we can’t do this on our own.” Her dad finally spoke up.
“It’s a nice place. Sister Adrianne from church volunteers there.” Her mom added.
They turned into the parking lot of an old fashioned brick building decorated with stained glass and white molding. She could smell the Catholicism from here. A black suit, white collared man was waiting for them at the entrance once they’d found a parking space. His wire rimmed glasses caught the late morning sun, shining it right in Y/N’s eyes. That alone was enough to make her scowl. “Hello, I’m Father McCarthy, you must be the L/Ns.” Her parents exchanged pleasantries with him before he led them into the lobby.
Sitting smack dab in the middle of the room was a marble statue of St. Joseph, patron saint of children. Y/N scoffed to herself. She hated this place already. The priest spun on his heels to face the family. “If you don’t mind, I was hoping to have a word with Miss Y/N before the tour.” They looked at each other, shrugged, and nudged the poor girl out to him. “It won’t take but a minute.” He said before cupping her shoulder and steering her through the lobby to a set of backdoors.
Outside was a meditation garden that spanned farther than she could see. Cobblestone paths twisted and turned around rose bushes and vines of ivy. The steady flow of the fountain at the center gave the air a calming ambience. Y/N was anything but calm. “Why are we here?”
“I thought maybe a look at the garden would suit your nerves.” He caught her confused stare and laughed lightly. “Your mask is thick, strong, but I can see deeper than most.”
“I appreciate the effort, but it takes more than some pretty flowers to make me feel better. Are we done?” He sighed and checked his watch.
“I suppose. Right this way.” He placed a guiding hand on her back and steered them to the path out of the garden and inside. Her stride slowed when she saw her parents standing in the lobby, a suitcase in her dad’s hand. Her suitcase. A man in white scrubs took it from him and carried it in the other direction. Everything clicked.
¨No…” She breathed, her head mindlessly shaking. She stepped back and bumped into something firm and whipped around. Another man in the same white uniform towered over her. His face was gentle but his jacked body told a completely different story. His hand clamped onto her bicep. “No, no, no, nonoNONO!” She frantically looked to her parents, who were standing at the exit with pain stricken faces. Her mom buried her head into him while she heard her daughter being dragged away kicking and screaming by two nurses. She’d never forget the final words she caught before she disappeared behind a set of swinging doors.
“I’LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!”
~~~
“Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Did you ever forgive your parents?”
“I tried, but she ruined it.”
“How?”
~~~
Y/N followed her screaming, cussing mom through the house as she took trips from her room to the porch, tossing her belongings out onto the lawn.
She’d found her stash.
“Mom! Stop it! This is childish!” she stopped in her tracks and whipped around to face her daughter.
“CHILDISH?!” She took an aggressive step forward. “I’LL TELL YOU WHAT”S CHILDISH! STEALING FROM YOUR OWN PARENTS TO BY DRUGS!” Y/N threw her hands into her hair and tugged at her scalp.
“It’s just weed! And I bought it with my own money! It’s not like I’m doing crack!” She looked to her dad sitting in his chair in the corner of the living room, observing the whole debacle. “Dad? Help?” He gave her a look of surrender. Not my call. Her mom disappeared back into her room.
“IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” Her mom shouted as she threw another handful of clothes out the door. “AFTER ALL THE MONEY WE SPENT ON YOU AND YOU GO AND BUY DRUGS?! IT’S LIKE YOU CHOOSE TO BE MISERABLE!” Y/N pounded across the floorboards and got nose to nose with her.
“OH, I’M SO SORRY YOU HAD TO PAY TO THROW YOUR OWN DAUGHTER IN A PSYCH WARD BECAUSE NOT HAVING A NORMAL KID WAS TOO HARD FOR YOU! AND I’M SORRY YOUR HUSBAND WAS TOO PUSSY TO STOP YOU! AND YOU KNOW WHAT’S MAKING ME MISERABLE?! YOU!”
“THEN GET THE FUCK OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!” Her mom shoved her by the shoulders into the wall.
“FINE!” Y/N stomped to her room and grabbed her backpack, stuffing in as many necessities as she could. She threw it over her shoulder and blew past her still fuming (and still cussing) mom. “Good fucking riddance!” she shouted over her shoulder. She swiped her car keys from the bowl and slammed the front door behind her so hard she heard a line of books topple to the floor inside. The lock on the door clicked and the curtains at the front of the house were hastily drawn.
She lividly gathered her clothes and suitcase strewn about the grass and crammed them into her shitty grey Corolla wherever they could fit. She dropped into the driver's seat and ripped the car out of the driveway and down the dimly lit street.
She crashed at Jimin’s for a bit while she looked for a place. Abi was long gone by then. Back when she was at St. Joseph’s, she’d called Abi for comfort, but what she didn’t know was that she happened to be at a sleepover, and that she’d put her on speaker. It didn’t take long for Y/N to hear a muffled giggle from the other end, and it was safe to say their friendship died the second she slammed the hospital phone receiver back onto its hook.
She didn’t need her anymore. Not with Jimin coming back for high school. He begged his mom to let him go to public school so he could be with Y/N again. What managed to convince her was the impressive dance team the school boasted.
Within the first week away from home, a packet of government documents for her emancipation arrived in her parents’ mail. She was surprised to receive a phone call from her attorney the next day, saying he already received the pettily signed forms and that they’d been filed with the district court. That was it. In a few months, she would be legally on her own. Sixteen years old and on her own.
~~~
“Good. That was good. I know that wasn’t the easiest thing to say, just know that it’s a step in the right direction.”
“Whatever. Are we done?”
“I suppose.”
~~~
Y/N sat on Yoongi’s lap while she painted his hairline into a V and thickened his sideburns into a more boxy shape. His hair was slicked back and he sported a suit and bolo tie. It didn’t take much to convince him to dress as Vincent and Mia from Pulp Fiction for Halloween. She bit the inside of her red painted lips while she cleaned up the edges of his widow’s peak with a steady hand.
It was a lot weirder than Yoongi expected to see her in a wig. The silky black bob made it feel like a complete stranger was parked on his thighs. Her unbuttoned white blouse and wide-bottomed slacks the complete opposite of her usual style. The only thing about her that was the same as he always loved were her eyes. He admired the e/c orbs that flicked back and forth in concentration, oblivious of his gaze.
“I think I’m done.” She leaned back and moved his face side to side to make sure his sideburns were even. “Yeah, you're good to go.” She gave his cheek two solid pats and climbed off his lap to get her shoes. He stood from her bed and checked himself out in her full length mirror. His hair had grown out quite a bit. Long enough to brush the back of his neck when he turned his head. He didn’t think he’d like how he looked with this hair, but it was quickly growing on him.
Y/N came up from behind and wrapped her arms around his torso. She peaked her head around his shoulder to admire his look put together. “If I didn’t know a better word, I’d say you look hot right now.” He caught her eye in the mirror with a smirk as he smoothed back his hair once last time.
“I think,” He pulled her in front of him to see her reflection, “I should be the one saying that.” He slid his hands up her shirt and adjusted the black bralette hidden underneath that had been wrinkled from her hunching over him. Her skin tingled under his large, warm hands. That asshole. He did that on purpose. He dipped his head to be even with hers. “Now, we should go before I mess up that lipstick of yours.”
~~~
Jin leaned against the kitchen counter and surveyed the frat house filled with college and high school students alike. Cobwebs stretched over every corner and fog machines gave the air a dark, heavy look. He always loved throwing his annual Halloween party. It was his favorite holiday other than his birthday. Couples cutely matching, friends coordinating costumes, comedians in gag outfits, and almost every girl wearing a sexy version of what we all dressed as kids. He loved any excuse to dress up.
He wore a loose white tunic and black slacks, his defining piece was the pink and blue diamond printed coat hanging from his shoulders. Howl from, only his favorite movie ever, Howl’s Moving Castle. He watched that shit like it was his job.
“Damn, do you need a maid? I’m not an old lady, but I can cook and clean.” He spun and met a smirking Jimin. His white dress shirt was unbuttoned, black tie loosened, hair tousled, and red lipstick marks trailed from his chest all the way to his cheeks. Jin eyed the scene with visible concern. “Relax, this is my costume. I have a little class.”
“Oh, thank God.” Jin laughed.
“Although some of these are courtesy of some lovely ladies here tonight.” He turned to show the words “KISS ME” written on his back in big letters.
“How did you even get them to agree to do that?” Jimin flashed a proud smile.
“It was easy. Girls aren’t threatened by me. Being part gay is great, you get the best of both worlds!” Jins phone buzzed in his pocket.
Thing 1: Me and Yoongi are about to pull up
Jin smiled at his screen and typed a quick response.
“Who’s Thing 2?” He turned to the younger looking over his shoulder.
“You.” Before Jimin could offer a rebuttal, Jungkook squeezed out of the crowd and nested at his side, beer in hand.
“There’s my Ponyboy!” Jimin gave him a slap on the back. Jungkook's hair was greased back with a single curl hanging on his forehead. His white t-shirt and jeans matched well with Yoongi’s leather jacket that he lended for the occasion. “Doesn’t he scream Ponyboy vibes?”
“I’ll admit it,” Jin added, “he does.” Jungkook took a sip of his beer to hide his embarrassment. He never liked being the center of attention.
The front door burst open to reveal Taehyung, clad in a full face of clown makeup, green hair, and a purple and yellow suit. “WHAT’S POPPIN’ ASS WIPES!!!” He marched inside and made a beeline to the three with Jiwoo in tow. Her skunk stripes were in pink and blue pigtails and her black and red corset top and tights hugged her slim figure. “GUESS WHO HAS A FUCKING GIRLFRIEND!” He laced his fingers with hers and lifted her arm triumphantly in the air. She hid her face bashfully with her free hand. Jimin gasped.
“Shut. Up. You're joking!” Tae flashed a boxy grin.
“No, I’m Joker.” Jiwoo slapped him in the arm.
“Yes, he’s for real.” She answered on his behalf. Jimin and Jin exchanged dramatic, wide-eyed looks and threw their arms around the new couple.
“We did it! He’s off the streets!”
“He’s off the streets!”
“I’m off the streets!”
Jiwoo watched the three jump in circles with their arms linked like a bunch of kids who were told they’re going to McDonald’s. Yeah, she made the right choice.
The front door opened again, not flying off the hinges this time, and Y/N stepped in with Yoongi flush against her back. She spotted the group in the kitchen and threw her arms up. “Heyyyyy!!!!” Taehyung turned with an ecstatic smile and bounded over, pulling her off the ground in a big bear hug.
“Y/N GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT! GUESS WHAT!”
“What?” she gasped under his grip. He dropped her and gripped her shoulders.
“I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND!” Both Yoongi and Y/N’s faces lit up.
“WHAT?! TAE, OH MY GOD YOU'RE OFF THE STREETS!” She clapped her hands together giddily and threw her arms back around his neck.
“I KNOW! THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE ELSE SAID!”
“Okay, okay, break it up.” Yoongi pried the two children apart and steered them to the kitchen. On the way, he leaned into Tae’s ear and whispered, “I trust you, but I’ll say this anyway. You hurt her, I hurt you.” He snapped out of his scary tone when Jimin came and pulled Y/N into a hug and kissed both her cheeks.
“Ahh! You two look so hot together! Best couple costume ever!” Yoongi never minded how close they were. He knew about their brief fling before he came along, but he trusted her when she said it was all in the past.
Y/N’s excited squeal broke through his thoughts. She booked it for Jungkook to gush over his costume. “Kookie! You look so friggin’ cute!!” She played with the piece of hair hanging on his forehead and fixed a few loose strands. He smiled at his feet and fiddled with his jacket zipper. “Come on, gimme a spin!” He sheepishly did a 360 to give her a full look at his outfit.
“I’ll be damned,” Yoongi added, “you almost look better in that jacket than I do.” Jungkook hid his face behind his hands. He couldn’t control the big ass grin plastered on his face.
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell him all night!” Jimin cut in, fists on his hips. She squeezed past him and Jungkook to say hi to Jiwoo and Jin.
The eldest boy pulled her into a sweet hug, his coat draping partially over her back. He leaned back to catch her eye. “How are you? You doing okay?” Jin, ever the mom.
The truth was, she wasn’t. Her situation with the pills was getting out of hand. What started out as a party topper, became a full blown addiction. She hated the person she had become. If she didn’t get her fix, she’d turn into a monster, snapping at anyone and everyone if they rubbed her the wrong way.
The moment she realized she had a problem was when Jungkook tried to approach her at school on one of her bad days. She ended up punching her locker with enough force to turn heads. The cold, unsympathetic eyes of the complete stranger that took her place bore into him before storming off. Tears welled in his eyes and he was frozen in place. All he asked was if he could help.
She scared him, and she'd never forgive herself for it. Even after he did.
She put on her best convincing smile and patted Jin’s chest. “I’m fine, you shouldn’t be worrying about me.” He searched her eyes for a crack in the facade, but he saw none. A warm smile played on his lips and he gave her a kiss on the head before turning her loose. She immediately pivoted to Jiwoo, trying to change the subject.
“Now I’m no DC expert, but I’m pretty sure you two are from different movies.” She gestured to the couple. “Tae, I know you’re from the Dark Knight, but I've never seen Harley in this hot ass outfit before.” Jiwoo chuckled and shuffled in her knee length boots.
“I’m actually Harley from Arkham Knight, a video game. It’s my favorite look of hers.” Y/N gave her another up and down, nodding her head.
“It’s great ‘cus Harley wasn’t in The Dark Knight, so she could be any version she wanted.” Tae commented.
“Except Suicide Squad.” Jiwoo added.
“Except Suicide Squad.” He echoed. “That movie was a disgrace.”
“Hey,” Y/N slapped Jimin on the arm, “Is Hobi here yet? I need a little...” She tapped the side of her nose. He giggled and pointed to the loft on the second floor.
“He was up there last I saw him. Have at it.” She made her way back to Yoongi and went on her tiptoes to give him a quick peck.
“Go ahead and make yourself a drink. I’ll be back in two shakes of a lamb’s tail.” She said seductively in her best Mia Wallace voice. Her index and middle fingers walked up his chest and dragged across his shoulder as she walked past him.
The loft was surprisingly hard to get to being that it was clogged with partygoers. She finally managed to squeeze through and fall to the floor, her face inches from a pair of sharp-toed dress shoes. She followed the white suit up to the face peering down at her. “The floor is no place for you, Mrs. Wallace.” A hand gripped her forearm and hoisted her to her feet with ease. At the other end of the arm holding her, was Hoseok’s beaming smile. The pointed collar of his black dress shirt was folded over the lapel of his suit.
“Saturday Night Fever?” He nodded. “Yay, now I have two John Travolta’s.” She took her arm from his hold and fixed her bangs.
“I think I might know why you’re here.” He inquired
“You would be correct, sir.” He chuckled.
“Follow me.”
He led her to a couch at the edge of the loft that overlooked the sea of costumes below. There was so much smoke in the air it was impossible to tell if it came from the fog machines or someone’s lungs. They plopped onto the cushions and he went to work cutting lines on a mirror laid on the coffee table. “So how’s life?”
“Eh, I've been better.” She let herself slip a little. Talking to Hoseok was easy. She liked being able to tell him some heavier things because he never pressed for more information. He accepted what he was given and took it in stride. She leaned forward and grabbed an almost empty bottle of cherry vodka and finished it off.
“I feel ‘ya. Soccer practice is really starting to get to me. Just gotta take it day by day, my friend.” He slid the mirror to her side and handed her a rolled up bill. “Here.”
“Thank you, good sir.” She plucked the makeshift tube from his fingers and dipped her head to sniff up the pristine white line. The feeling hit her instantly. A huge smile spread across her face and her whole body felt like it was floating among the smoke clouds.
“Good?” She couldn’t find the words, so she gave him a simple thumbs up. Their moment was cut short when Taehyung’s booming voice cut through the music and conversation.
“EVERYONE! OUR BELOVED QUARTERBACK, NAMJOON KIM, IS OFFICIALLY OFF THE MARKET!”
“WHAT?!” They shouted in unison. With a quick shared look, they scrambled down the stairs and through the cheering crowd. Taehyung was standing, red cup in hand, on the thick mantle of the fireplace at the head of the room. “Jesus fucking Christ.” She mumbled as they watched Jiwoo weave through the mob to pull him down.
“There he is!” Hoseok pointed to the head of brown hair that poked above everyone else. He pulled her along behind him, using his strength to cut through the congestion. When they broke through the wall of bodies, the entire friend group was gathered on the massive sectional couch at the center of the room. She picked the couple from the cluster and her jaw dropped.
“No fucking way. Cheyenne?!”
“Yes way.” Jimin chimed. The girl in question was perched on the arm of the couch next to Namjoon. Her amber eyes lit up when she recognized Y/N standing there.
“Y/N?!” She jumped up and crashed her body into hers with a crushing embrace. “Oh my God you grew up so much!! You’re not a little shrimp anymore!”
“I haven’t seen you since what? Fifth grade?” Cheyenne’s smile flashed white against her sepia skin. They were rather close in elementary until she moved away before middle school. She was the extrovert that found her and acted almost like a mother to her. Cheyenne was the one that cracked Y/N’s shell.
“I know, girl! We moved back and I’m going to Westview!”
“Westview?! I go to Westview!” Her eyes widened.
“What?! How come I haven’t seen you at school?” Y/N chuckled.
“I make myself very hard to spot.”
“She’s right,” Yoongi added, coming to stand beside her, “took me forever to track her down to talk to her for the first time.” He handed her a solo cup of vodka cranberry and she gave his hand an affectionate squeeze. Cheyenne’s hand flew to her chest.
“I’m gonna cry. My baby’s all glown up and she got herself a man!” She dramatically fanned her eyes. Her long false lashes almost reached her brows when she looked to the ceiling. Her box braids were twisted into space buns on either side of her head and her long, flowing white dress cinched at the waist and had a slit running up to reveal her muscular leg.
Y/N peaked over her shoulder at Namjoon. His long sleeved, tan v-neck and black vest made everything click. “Oh my god! Han Solo and Leia! That’s so fucking cute!”
“Can you guess whose idea it was?” Cheyenne cocked an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder at him, who blushed and gave a little finger wave. What a man baby. She took her seat back by him and Y/N and Yoongi sat on the couch across from them.
“So how did you guys meet?” The couple shared a humored look.
“Remember that bloody nose I said I got in P.E. a couple weeks ago?” Namjoon asked.
“Yeah?” Cheyenne proudly raised her hand.
“That was me. It was girls vs boys in dodgeball and I nailed him in the face.” Y/N would expect nothing less from her. Even in elementary, Cheyenne was the best softball player she’d ever seen. That girl had an arm like a cannon.
“She walked with me to get ice and we kinda just got to know each other along the way.”
“Awwww~” Jimin and Taehyung swooned.
“As much as I hate to break up the moment, I'm trying to get fucked up tonight.” Y/N finally said once the conversation died down. “Chey, do you,” She put her thumb and index finger to her lips and puffed on an imaginary joint, “partake?”
Cheyenne raised an eyebrow at her. She wasn’t surprised Y/N had turned to drugs. That girl had issues from the very start. “Of course I do, who the fuck do you think I am?” Smirks cracked the pair’s lips and they shared a mischievous look for the first time in a long time.
~~~
Y/N, Yoongi, Cheyenne, Namjoon and Jimin gathered on the sofa by the swimming pool filled with splashing guys and girls stripped down to their underwear. Which was insane given that it was basically November and the water was 70 degrees at most. Yoongi placed a thick blunt between his lips and flicked his Zippo lighter, casting a brief warm glow on his face. He expertly cupped his hand against the flame and got a good burn going, then snapped the lighter closed against his thigh. The blunt cherried bright orange when he took a colossal hit, letting the smoke roll out of his nose in plumes before passing it to Y/N. She gathered a thick cloud in her mouth and let it float out to inhale through her nose. The milky reverse waterfall flowed into her nostrils like a yellow tinted nebula. The THC hit her already intoxicated brain, sending her further into the couch.
Jimin took his two puffs quickly and passed it on. On her turn, Cheyenne blew a single smoke ring and ran her finger down the middle to make it a heart, sending it floating into Namjoon’s face.
“Cute.” He said sarcastically as he took the blunt from her manicured nails and drew a long hit. “I don’t know any tricks so you’re just gonna have to deal with my boring ass.”
“We’ve been dealing with your boring ass for years.” Y/N deadpanned, earning a series of laughs from the group.
The blunt made its way around the circle back to Yoongi for the third time, and it was starting to reach its end. “Have you two smoked together before?” He questioned the new couple. They looked at each other and shook their heads. “Well then,” he clapped his hands together and plucked the blunt from his lip, “it’s customary that new couples christen the relationship by shotgunning.”
“What?” Namjoon’s brows knit together in confusion.
“Come on Joon, you’ve hung around us this long and you still don’t know what shotgunning is?” Y/N spoke up. He threw his hands up in defense.
“Hey! I’ve only ever heard it mentioned. No one ever told me what it actually was!” Yoongi huffed a chuckle.
“Watch and learn.” He puffed on the blunt and trapped the smoke in his mouth. His hand went to the back of Y/N’s neck and pulled her into a kiss, slowly delivering the cloud to her lungs. They parted, and white fog poured from her lips. “Now you try.” He handed him the blunt. Namjoon pocketed a good bit in his cheeks and cupped Cheyenne’s jaw. He pressed a light kiss on her full lips, transferring the smoke to her.
“Like that?” Yoongi and Y/N gave him an approving nod with a shared smirk.
“Consider us properly christened.” Cheyenne quipped. Before anything else could be said, a guy popped out from the sliding doors leading inside.
“AYE! WE GOT JELLO SHOTS IN HERE!”
“Oh fuck yes!” Y/N lept up, not giving herself time to ride out the head-rush that blacked out her senses and made a beeline inside. Yoongi watched her stumble through the glass doors and disappear in the crowd with visible torment.
“You good?” Cheyenne’s robust voice broke through his inner turmoil.
“Yeah.” He kept his gaze on the spot he lost sight of her in, “Yeah, I’m fine.”
~~~
Six Jello shots, two shotgunned beers with Taehyung, another rip from Hoseok, and a bonus sniff of crushed oxy in the bathroom later, Y/N was completely, totally, and utterly wrecked. She had to hold onto the walls and furniture for dear life to make her way outside. It had been almost an hour since she left Yoongi, so it was about time she found him.
The pool was a little less crowded and she could see her reflection on the surface. It’s hair was wild, clothes wrinkled, lipstick faded. Stars twinkled across the ripples, drawing her gaze up to the sky. She walked along the edge of the pool as she admired the lights that dotted the heavens. Her feet stopped their ambling to match the two sets of pictures in her vision back in place. The luring abyss of the sky gave a sharp contrast to the glimmering lights. Everything in her peripheral melted into the darkness that blanketed her view, and the frigid water rushed up to meet her.
It sounded like any other splash. Yoongi didn’t think anything of it. People had been jumping in and out of the pool all night.
“Hey, wasn’t that your girlfriend?” He turned to see a random girl standing behind his seat. His brows furrowed.
“What?” She pointed behind her to the steady bubbles that rose to the surface of the water.
“She was walking on the edge and just keeled-” He rocketed out of his chair and shoved her out of the way. He stripped off his coat mid sprint and dove head first into the jarring water without a second thought.
The water blurred his vision, but he could make out Y/N’s body steadily sinking to the bottom of the pool. He kicked as hard as he could and propelled himself deeper and deeper until he could reach her. His hand gripped her fuzzy wrist and pulled her up to him. Arm around her waist, he swam towards the light with powerful strokes from his three free limbs.
They broke the surface and he swung his head side to side to rid the hair from his eyes. He hooked an elbow over the edge for support while he lugged her unconscious figure out of the water.
“What the fuck?” Taehyung stood dumbly at the sliding door looking out, joint hanging between his lips.
“Get her, get her!” Yoongi grunted. Taehyung rushed over and hooked his hands under her shoulders. With one big tug, he dragged her onto the cement. Her upper body rested in his lap while Yoongi hauled himself out of the pool and scrambled to her side. He pressed his ear to her chest, listening for a pulse in agonizing suspense. The breath he was holding exploded out of his chest when he heard the familiar beats. Taehyung held his finger under her nose.
“She’s breathing.” The adrenaline left Yoongi’s system, taking every ounce of his energy along with it. He collapsed onto his back next to her, gasping for air. The sliding door opened and closed.
“Tae? Why’d you- holy fuck!” Jiwoo came rushing to his side and looked over Y/N’s soaked frame. The black wig was long gone, leaving her h/c mane splayed on the wet cement. The water turned them into a dark mass of limp waves, dulling their natural brilliance. “What happened?!”
“Fell…” Yoongi huffed, “…didn't hear...splash.” His heaving breaths spaced out his words into incoherent fragments. By now, a few heads turned to watch the scene, but most everyone else was too drunk to notice there was even a problem. Jiwoo jumped up.
“I'll go find some towels.” She disappeared back inside and came out not long after with Jin and Jimin carrying thick, blue towels in their arms. Jin immediately dropped to his knees, wrapping it around her soaked body and hugged her to his chest like an infant.
“Is she okay?” He asked apprehensively.
“Yeah. I think so.” Taehyung answered for Yoongi, who was tweaking and on the verge of an anxiety attack. The first one in nearly two years. His heart clamped in his chest and despite the biting cold, his trembling body was drenched in sweat.
Switching to mom mode, Jin snapped his fingers at Jimin, who was staring at the scene before his wasted eyes. “Jimin, wrap Yoongi up and try to calm him down. You,” he pointed to Taehyung, “go find Jungkook. He’s the only one who’ll know if she’s actually okay.” The three, Jiwoo following Taehyung, jumped to work on their tasks.
Jimin draped the towel over his figure as best he could given he was laying flat on his back and there was no getting him to sit up. Yoongi’s eyes darted back and forth, pinballing against his peripheral in all different directions. “Yoongi? Yoongi, I need you to look at me okay?” He sandwiched his face between his hands and tried to catch his eyes. Yoongi shook his head rapidly, eyes still all over the place. “I need you to listen to me. If you can’t look at me then close your eyes.” He squeezed them shut in hopes the roaring panic in his system wouldn’t be able to find him. “I’m gonna press on your chest, and I need you to push back, okay?” He didn't show any kind of response, so Jimin went ahead. He placed both palms against his hyperventilating chest and applied a gentle pressure that compelled him to take longer breaths. “You can breathe, it's okay. Feel that pressure? That’s air filling up your chest. You’re not suffocating, you have plenty of air. You’re okay.” He repeated the affirmations like a mantra. “Deep breaths. Push against my hands for as long as you can.” His chest pressed against his hands again and again, each breath growing deeper and longer. “There you go.”
The sliding door ripped open and Taehyung had Jungkook by the elbow, all but dragging him across the ground. Jungkook yanked his arm free. “What the hell is happening?!”
“You didn’t tell him?!” Jin shouted. Jungkook’s frustration disintegrated when his eyes landed on Y/N wrapped in Jin’s arms and Jimin bent over Yoongi splayed out on the ground.
“I was in a hurry, okay?! I couldn’t think of the words!” Taehyung retorted. Jungkook pointed a shaky finger at her, flashes of a life without her sent his anxiety through the roof.
“Is...is she?”
“No, she’s not dead.” Jin answered his unasked question. “We need you to check her and see if anything’s wrong that we didn’t catch.” Thank God. He could live again.
“Why me?” A stupid question, honestly.
“Because you’re the closest thing we have to a doctor, now get your ass down there and do your thing!” Taehyung gave him an urgent nudge. Jungkook hesitantly knelt by Jin’s side. It almost felt wrong seeing her in such a vulnerable state.
“U-uh...okay. You found a good pulse, right?”
“Yeah, but you need to be the judge of that.” He swallowed hard and pressed two fingers to her neck. “Well?”
“Her pulse is fine, and from the looks of it, her brain is getting enough oxygen.” He pointed at her lips, which were coming back to a healthy peach. “If she wasn’t, her lips and fingernails would be blue.”
“Is she okay?” Yoongi’s raspy voice was barely audible over the din of the party. Jimin managed to wrap the towel around him and his breath was nearing back to normal. The occasional twitch jolted his muscles from the lingering bad high.
“Yeah, just keep her warm and she’ll be fine.” Yoongi’s head fell back against the ground in relief. “Just make sure she stays on her side all night so she doesn’t aspirate.”
“Aspirate?” Jimin inquired.
“Suffocate on her own vomit.”
“Christ. That doesn’t happen a lot does it?” Taehyung asked.
“Enough to have a word for it.”
The door slid open yet again and out came Namjoon, Cheyenne, and Hoseok. “Jiwoo told us what happened. Are you sure she’s okay?” Hoseok spoke first.
“Jungkook said she should be.” Jin replied. “I’m gonna take her home and watch her for the night. Just in case.”
“That’s probably a good idea.”
Namjoon carried Y/N in his arms to Jin’s car and laid her down in the backseat, taking care that she was propped on her side. Yoongi and Jin came to the car soon after, the latter carrying a hastily packed duffle bag.
“Yoongi, sit with her in the back and keep her from rolling over.” Jin ordered. The younger gladly climbed into the backseat and readjusted her head on his lap. Jin dropped into the driver's seat and hooked an elbow over his rolled down window. “Joon, I trust you can handle things while I’m gone. I might not live here, but it’s still my party so make sure everyone gets the fuck out by 6.” Namjoon gave him two thumbs up and headed inside when Jin started the car.
~~~
Jin slid his copy of Y/N’s house key into the lock, and the deadbolt snapped open. He pushed the door in for Yoongi, who was carrying her up the steps. The clock on the microwave read 3:45. Surprisingly early for leaving a frat party. “I’m gonna change her into some dry clothes.” Yoongi said.
“Okay, make sure you guy’s hair is dry so you don’t catch a cold.” Yoongi rolled his eyes and disappeared into her bedroom. Jin helped himself to the closet of sheets and blankets and grabbed a pillow from the bottom shelf. Once he was happy with the nest he made on the couch, he slipped in the tiny guest bathroom to wash his face, change, and take his meds. High blood pressure. His mom always said it ran in the family.
A few minutes later, he emerged in a pair of Totoro pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. He eyed the kitchen cabinet that was always stocked with ramen. Yoongi’s gonna be starving when he’s done with her. He set out a pot on the stove and grabbed three packages from the cabinet. “Hey Yoongs,” he padded to her doorway, “I’m making ramen do you want beef or-” His voice quieted when he peeked inside and saw them both in bed. He’d changed her into one of his hoodies and tied her hair in a bun. He laid behind her, arms seatbelting her to his torso, fast asleep. Without context, it was a heartwarming scene. Jin's lips formed a small smile and he eased the door shut, careful not to wake him. “Goodnight guys~”
He plopped onto the couch and plugged his phone into the charger that ran across the floor to reach the coffee table. The second his head hit the pillow he felt himself being pulled under by the current of sleep. He wondered to himself, what was going on in Y/N’s head that was so bad she nearly died just to get away from. She’d never lost control like that before. At least not bad enough for Yoongi to have a whole anxiety attack over. Whatever it was, he prayed it was nothing too horrible because he knew no matter how much he’d try to help, there was no getting anything out of her. That scared him. Hell, it terrified him not two hours ago. He pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind for the time being, and let his lids droop until sleep overtook him.
~~~
NOVEMBER 9TH
“Haaaaappy Biiiirthdayyyy tooo youu~! Haaappy Birthdaaayy tooooo youuuuu~! Happy Biiirthday dear Yoongiiiiiiii~!” The birthday boy buried his face in his hands out of sheer embarrassment while the group drunkenly sang around the cake in front of him. “Happy Birthdayyy toooooo yooouuuuuuuuuu~!” A birthday party, his worst nightmare. He was never one for birthdays, his family didn’t have the money for that kind of luxury. Every year, his dad would just gift him a pack of cigarettes, grab him by the collar, and give the same drunken speech about how he needs to toughen up if he’s gonna survive in the real world. Y/N carded her fingers through his hair to get it out of his face.
“Make a wish, Yoongi.” Her gentle touch was enough to coax him back to reality. He lifted his face from his hands and studied the three joints stuck into the frosting as candles. He thought for a minute then leaned in and blew the tiny flames out in one breath. Their cheers bounced off the old, bare walls of the abandoned house. Everyone was there, even Cheyenne.
“Finally!” Taehyung and Hoseok pounced on the cake and plucked off the “candles” before ash fell on the frosting. The cake was white with colorful piping on the edges and pink flowers dotting the sides. It was obviously for a kid, which was most likely the reason Y/N and Jiwoo chose it. The room quickly filled with wispy clouds of smoke courtesy of Tae, Hobi, Jimin, and Cheyenne.
“Holy shit!” Cheyenne’s hand flew to her mouth to cover her grin and pointed at Yoongi and Y/N.
“What?” She asked.
“Yoongi’s 18 now! You guys can’t fuck!” Y/N turned bright red and hid her face behind her hands.
“2 months, 17 days and...” Yoongi checked the time on his phone, “10 hours.” He sighed. The time until her 18th birthday. She got held back a year in kindergarten after a nasty case of pneumonia. So, technically, she should’ve been a senior by now. But then she never would’ve met Jimin. Or Cheyenne for that matter.
Y/N leaned her cheek on her fist and observed the spectacle. Her natural smile slowly faded, and corners of her lips grew heavier and heavier. She could feel the curtain of despair lowering over her, suffocating the enjoyment out of the otherwise jubilant moment. The all too familiar mentality settled in her mind that she’d never be happy again, or see life as anything more than some sick joke. Not now. Not now, not now please… She tried to keep it together for everyone’s sake, but the tears were coming any second now.
Under the cover of the noise, she slipped away and into the bathroom on the other side of the house. She eased the door shut with a tiny click. Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. The harder she pressed her lips together, the wetter her eyes became. She leaned against the sink, staring into the abyss of the rusty drain. Five hours. Five hours of sobriety and she was already a sobbing mess. She tried. She really did. She wanted to be sober for Yoongi’s birthday so she’d have the memories and not need to rely on pictures and stories the next day. Her and what little self preservation she had left were fighting a war against her demons. And she was losing. Five hours would soon turn to four, then three, then... She stopped from scaring herself any further.
She hurriedly fished out two Zoloft tablets from her black skinny jeans pocket. The bulge of the baggie was covered by her oversized, snow white sweater. Using her phone case to crush them and credit card to scrape the dust into a neat line, she bent down and snorted the powder in one quick sniff. Her head jerked up and she stared at the person in the mirror. Slowly but surely, her face relaxed, her smile returned, and everything felt okay again. She wiped the runny mascara from under her eyes and stepped out to return to the joyful madness.
~~~
DECEMBER
The heated architect’s office provided a welcome contrast to the biting cold outside. Y/N sat behind the receptionist desk, filing the last of a client’s paperwork so she could finally leave. Everyone else had left for the day, leaving her the task of locking everything up. After her emancipation, Jimin’s mom couldn’t have offered her a job at her office fast enough. Hell, she even offered for her to live with them permanently. The work was boring, but it paid better than any other part-time job ever would.
“Y/N!” Jimin quacked from the employee lounge down the hall. He’d tagged along after school to study for midterms with her in the downtime.
“WHAT!”
“ARE YOU DONE YET?!”
“ALMOST!” Were they yelling louder than necessary? Probably, their dynamic accepted nothing less. He popped his head around the corner, his body following suit. There wasn’t anything good to raid from the fridge, so he had nothing else to do but watch her lock up.
The phone on her desk rang, breaking the silence. “Fuck a duck! Do people not pay attention to business hours?!” She huffed aggressively and ripped the receiver off the hook. “Mijeong Park’s office, this is Y/N, how can I help you?” Her voice took a hard right to a bright, singsongy tone, and he had to bite his lip to not laugh. Hearing her speak in such a way he knew she hated brought him pure joy. On busy days it was like watching two personalities fight over their host. “Oh, I’m sorry she just left. Would you like to leave a message?” She grabbed a pen and jotted something down on a sticky note. “Uh-huh. Mhm...Alright, thank you!” She hung up and her face immediately fell back to its usual resting bitch face. She slipped on her coat and threw her messenger bag on her shoulder. “Okay, let’s go.”
~~~
The euphoric ring of the bell signaling that school was over washed over Y/N’s senses. She did it. Midterms were over. Granted, she didn’t study that hard, so she wasn’t expecting the best results. Oh well. C’est la vie. Now all she had was another week before winter break and she was home free.
Yoongi had work, Jimin had dance, Namjoon had football, Jungkook was with his family, and pretty much everyone else seemed to be busy when she texted each one to hang out. Whatever. She’d treat herself to something special.
The clock on her nightstand read 8:50 by the time Y/N stepped out of the steamy bathroom. She did everything; shave, exfoliate, lotion, face mask, hair mask. She scrunched her hair with a t-shirt until the curls were almost dry, leaving the rest of the water to soak into her roots. Yoongi’s Kendrick Lamar hoodie with the word “DAMN.” across the chest in big red letters kept her warm in the chilly apartment. She never used the heat system. It was cheaper and more comfortable to just bundle up. Her black sweatpants had the RIPNDIP cat giving the one finger salute on the side of one of the legs. There was no contest. They were her favorite pair.
The only light that filled her room was from the moon that poured through her open blinds. Long black shadows were projected over the space, giving it a strange yet aesthetically pleasing contrast. She shimmied under her bed to grab the shoe box shoved to the very back against the wall and tossed it on the bed. She climbed onto the mattress and sat legs crossed. The box was full of various paraphernalia she’d collected over the years. Digging to the very bottom, she pulled out a tiny baggie with two white tablets. They were bought a few weeks ago, but had been saved for a special occasion such as this.
She’d always been interested in trying Fentanyl. Just once. To satiate her curiosity. The pills crushed into power nicely. She cut and scraped a small line -- much smaller than the usual line of coke -- on her makeup mirror. This stuff was fifty times stronger than heroin. She wasn’t a complete idiot. Come on.
The line stared back up at her with a silent urgency. Now or never. She put the straw to her nose and snorted up the dust.
She waited.
Nothing.
She waited some more.
Still nothing.
A frustrated huff left her and she reached for her phone to cuss out the plug who had the audacity to sell her fake shit.
She reached for the phone.
The phone.
Get the phone.
Get the fucking phone.
Her mind completed the action time and time again but her body moved at a snail's pace. The last of her strength gave out and she collapsed onto the bed, only to realize, she’d been laying down the whole time. Woah.
A sedated smile spread ear to ear and a string of lazy, incoherent giggles made her diaphragm flutter. At that moment, the entire world shut the fuck up, and she was alone. Truly alone. It was just her inside her head. No depression, no anxiety, no trauma, no mommy issues. Nothing. Just her. It was like walking around in an empty mall. She had the entire world to herself. You know what would be great right now? Music.
She inched for her headphones.
Didn’t move.
She tried to focus on that singular action as hard as she could.
Didn’t move.
Okay...this isn’t really funny anymore.
She tried again.
Her muscles didn’t even flinch.
Tears pricked her eyes and her back broke into a cold sweat. Panic began to make its entrance as her eyes darted around the room for something, anything, that could help her. Her lungs struggled to replenish her oxygen leaving her chest in agony. She regressed back to the terrified, helpless little girl that she ran so far to lose.
She almost didn’t hear the knock at her door over the internal cacophony. She tried to listen for it to happen again. Maybe she was just hearing things. Sure enough, another knock split through the roaring static in her ears. Help! Please Dear God! I'm here! I’M IN HERE!
“Y/N?”
Jungkook.
Oh shit. No. No, no, no, no! Anyone but him!
“Y/N?” Every emotion that she’d freed herself from was dumped over her head like a bucket of ice water when, out of the corner of her eye, the door eased open. Jungkook’s silky head of black hair reflected the moonlight streaming through her window. He almost didn’t spot her from the glare. “Y/N? Are you okay? I felt bad that you were alone today, so I thought I’d stop by and check on you...” She made a barely audible, unintelligible sound. Attempting to raise her voice above a teensy whisper was an exercise in futility. His heart sank at her response. “Oh, you’re in the middle of something. I-I’ll just come back tomorrow.” He turned back around. Wait! No! Please don’t go! Forget what I said earlier! Help me please!
“..d-n’t g-o…” She scraped all the energy left in her body — from the top of her head to the tips of her toes — to say those two words.
Jungkook turned and stared at her stagnant figure. Wow. She must be really high. “Alright, come here.” He sat on the bed next to her and helped her sit up. Her head rested on his shoulder. His arm was the sole thing keeping her upright. He took a deep breath and thought about what he planned on telling her when he got there. He might as well practice now since she wouldn’t remember anyway.
“So uh...about me being with my family… That was a lie.”
“Mmm..?”
“I went on a date. Well, not really, but I really like her and I think she might like me too..” His cheeks blushed a little at the thought. “She’s a great friend, so if it doesn’t work out I hope we still have that.” He grew more confident with his words the more he talked about her. “I think you’d like her. She smokes weed and stuff for pain, but she does it recreationally too.” Her silence finally caught his attention after the mention of weed. He giggled a little. “Did you fall asleep?” When he turned to look down at her, she slipped past his shoulder and slumped onto the bed. The impact of the mattress didn’t stir her in the slightest. “Y/N?”
He shook her shoulder.
Nothing.
He shook harder, the familiar fear germinating in the pit of his stomach.
“Y/N?”
Nothing.
Fear festered into horror as each attempt failed. Tears blinded him while he turned her on her back and roughly patted her cheeks. “Y/N?! Y/N, wake up!” His heart dropped past his stomach and onto the floor. Her lips and fingernails had turned an unhealthy shade of indigo and her breathing was dangerously shallow. No. This wasn’t real. It had to be a nightmare. It had to be. “Please wake up!!” He couldn’t stop saying her name in hopes that it would somehow magically awaken her. Her declining state said otherwise.
“Don’t leave me!” He pulled her onto the floor and straddled her hips, pulling his phone out to dial 911 in the process. His hands lined up with one another over her heart and jumped into action pumping her heart for her.
“Just stay with me! Please!”
“Blood oxygen at 60%!”
Jungkook had to be ripped from Y/N’s body as the team of EMTs swarmed around her. One of them lifted her lid with a gloved finger and flashed a penlight in her eye.
“Pupils are constricted! I need 2mg of Narcan!”
He was shoved out of her room and forced to watch from the doorway while the first responders stuck her with needle after needle. They slipped an oxygen mask over her lifeless face. The world seemed to slow with every jagged breath he took. His eyes unfocused and his hearing grew fuzzy except for the faint sound of his hammering heart. All was quiet in the eye of the storm. Then, the air left. Every atom of oxygen was sucked from the world with no regard for his existence. He fell to his knees gripping his throat and chest, his lungs screaming for air.
“..........d!……..id!……..Hey, kid!” He was snapped back to reality when large hands pressed into his shoulders. He darted his red, watery eyes to the paramedic restraining him to the floor. “You need to calm down!” His kicking, screaming and crying had been silenced by the ringing in his ears. A sharp pinch pricked his side and before long, he stilled as a wave of serenity washed over him. It was like someone flipped his off switch.
“What… what did you give me..?”
“Just some Valium to help you relax.” He felt his body sink into the floor, being pulled further into the abyss of slumber. He fought his lids open despite their growing weight, but it was no use. They drooped closed and all the chaos and fear gave way to darkness.
The harsh fluorescent lights of the hospital pierced Jungkook’s lids pulling him back into consciousness. He was stretched out on a firm sofa with a simple heart monitor clipped to his fingertip in what looked like an ICU room. The soft beeping of an EKG drew his attention to the bed next to him. He got to his feet as fast as he could with the Valium still lingering in his system and raced to Y/N’s bedside. The bittersweet excitement of getting to see her went completely sour when he took in her state. She’d never looked so frail and delicate before. Dark circles sunk in her eyes with rings of yellow on their border giving the illusion of two black eyes. Her lips were chapped and bleeding. Countless tubes and IVs protruded from her body which only stressed the severity of her condition further. Yet, despite her broken appearance, she never looked so peaceful.
“Good. You’re up.” He spun around. The voice came from a doctor standing in the doorway clipboard in hand. “I’m Dr. Lobrano, I’m the one in charge of your friend’s case.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s stable, but the stress overload caused her to slip into a coma so her body can heal itself to its full extent.” Jungkook’s face paled. “Now, I’m not saying it’s 100%, but most opioid coma patients wake up and make a full recovery. Physically, that is.” “How long will that take?” He took in a calculating breath.
“It’s hard to say. It could take three days or three weeks. Every case is different” His heart sank for the nth time that night. He looked over his shoulder at her motionless figure under the sheets. The only thing that told she was even alive was the soft, steady beep of the EKG. He could hardly bear to look at her. It was like seeing Superman fall from the sky. She was his Superman. Whether she believed it or not didn’t matter because it was true. “I hate to bother you during such a stressful time,” he pulled a pen out of his pocket protector, “but I need you to answer a few questions about our friend over there.” He pointed the end of the pen at her.
“U-um, okay.” Dr. Lobrano took a seat in the chair facing the sofa which Jungkook had retaken his seat on. He clicked the pen against his knee and held it at the ready.
“Next of kin?”
“Her parents, but she’s emancipated.” He nodded and silently jotted something on his clipboard.
“Siblings?”
“No.” He looked up.
“Extended family?” Jungkook opened mouth to answer when he realized -- she didn’t. She had no one. From what he’d caught over the years he knew her mom was an only child and her dad’s only brother died when he was in college. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. No one.
“Not that I can think of. No.”
“Okay...any other significant relationships? We need someone to sign off on her paperwork and consent forms in case anything happens.”
“But it won’t, right?” He clicked his pen.
“As a medical professional, I’m legally obligated to tell my patients and their loved ones the truth. And the truth is, your friend over there took an almost lethal dose of Fentanyl. And with her age and weight? I consider myself a man of science, but that’s a miracle if I ever saw one. However, just because she made it past those first critical hours doesn’t mean there’s zero risk of other complications that may arise later on.” Jungkook nodded, trying to take in the information as stoically as possible. He didn’t want the doctor to see how he really felt on the inside.
“How old are you?”
“I’m sixteen, sir.”
“Do you have anyone you can call who’s at least eighteen that can sign for her?”
“Yeah, her…boyfriend” The weight of his circumstances hit him like a bus. The thought of anyone else hadn’t even crossed his mind until now. How the hell was he supposed to tell Yoongi that the only person keeping his life together was in a coma from almost killing herself?
“Then I suggest you give him a call as soon as possible, and if you don’t have any other questions I should finish making my rounds.” He gave a distant nod and was left alone with Y/N once again. His eyes were drawn back to the subtle rise and fall of her chest. A long sigh of anguish left his lips and he buried his face in his hands.
“What am I gonna do?”
~~~
Jungkook stared at Yoongi’s contact in his phone. His thumb hovered over the call button. He knew he was about to hurt him worse than anyone ever has in his life. It was going to kill him. He forced his thumb down on the screen. The dial tone counted down the seconds before the heartbreak. It stopped after three rings.
“Hello?”
“....”
“Kook?”
“Yoongi…” His voice began to quiver, “Yoongi, something bad happened.”
~~~
Jiwoo laid in bed on her stomach with her feet swishing in the air. She held her phone to her ear with her shoulder while she painted her nails their usual black chrome. “You should listen to Never Know by Bad Omens. I bet you’d like it.”
“You think?” Taehyung’s voice came from the other end. Before she could answer, she heard Yoongi in the living room on the phone.
“Woah, woah, calm down. What happened?” Silence.
“Jiwo-?”
“Sh!” The silence stretched for a good four seconds. She jumped when Yoongi came barreling down the hall to his room like a bat out of Hell and came back out with his jacket slung over his arm. The front door opened and slammed shut. Within seconds, his car peeled out of the driveway. The roar of his engine quickly dissipated in the distance.
~~~
Jungkook bounced his knee in anticipation. It had been almost ten minutes since he called Yoongi and there was still no sign of him. He was beginning to worry something might’ve happened to him on the way when the door swung open sending the doorknob colliding into the wall. Jungkook shot up and immediately broke down in tears when he laid eyes on Yoongi’s familiar face. Yoongi rushed to catch his crumpling body and hugged his head to his chest. Jungkook sobbed like he never sobbed before. Every emotion he’d kept bottled up since the moment he found her in her room spilled out onto Yoongi’s grey hoodie.
His heart — along with every other function in his body — stopped when he saw Y/N. She’d never looked so broken and it tore at his insides to even look at her. It didn’t feel natural. It didn’t feel real. There was no way this was the girl he loved.
When Jungkook’s cries diminished to a sniffle, Yoongi gingerly took him off his chest and approached her bedside. He tentatively placed his hand over her cold one. IV needles were sunken into each of her wrists and one on the back of her hand. He drew a shuddery breath. “What-....what did she take?”
“Fentanyl.” Yoongi squeezed his eyes shut trying not to dwell on it.
“Is she gonna be okay?” He knew it was a stupid question. Of course Jungkook couldn’t answer that.
“I don’t know.” Jungkook muttered.
“Did they say when she’d wake up?” Jungkook winced at his question. He must’ve been in shock to assume she even would.
“Yoongi,” the older turned to face him, “Y/N’s in a coma.”
~~~
Yoongi and Jungkook stayed the night in the spacious ICU room with Jungkook passed out on his little couch and Yoongi pulled up a chair next to Y/N’s bedside. He stayed awake all night watching her. It wasn’t that he thought something would happen if he fell asleep, he just couldn’t bring himself to leave her. Even if he may have still physically been there.
Breaking the news to everyone the next day was hard. Hearing their reactions over the phone was harder. ICU patients were only allowed to have three visitors per day —excluding Yoongi—so he was forced to decide who would get to see her first. He decided to just go by age.
Jimin and Taehyung arrived within five minutes of getting the call. Yoongi was waiting outside her room when the two came flying down the hall. They skidded to a stop and Yoongi had to hold them back with his palms against their chests. “Hold on, hold on. You can’t see her just yet.”
“Fucking why not?!” Taehyung shouted.
“Yeah, what the hell?” Jimin added.
“The doctor said that it helps to talk to coma patients, so we’re taking turns visiting her alone. Jungkook’s in there right now.”
~~~
Jungkook sat in Yoongi’s chair beside the hospital bed. His fists balled against his knees trying to think of something to say.
“Y/N…..I’m…. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I took your pills. I’m sorry I lied to you. I’m sorry I watched this happen and didn’t get you help.” Tears pooled in his eyes. “I’m so sorry...You're my hero Y/N….You probably don’t think so, but if I never met you...” He choked, “I don’t-...I don’t think I’d be alive right now.” His lips quivered trying to form the words. He’d never said anything like that out loud before. “You’re the only person who makes me feel like I’m not alone. I’ve never felt more loved and wanted than when I’m with you. You’re the strongest person I know. You always make sure I get all of my work done and eat right even when you can barely take care of yourself. It sounds useless, but it’s those reminders that reassure me that someone actually cares. If you go I-...I don’t know what I’m gonna do. But it’s not gonna be anything good.” He put his head down on her thigh and cried. “I need you, Y/N. I need you so much it hurts.”
~~~
The three in the hall jumped to their feet when the door finally opened, and Jungkook stepped out. His eyes and nose were puffy and red from hours of stop and start tears. Jimin pulled him into a soft hug which he gratefully accepted. “Okay Tae, you’re next.” Yoongi said. Taehyung thought for a second.
“No. Jimin should go. He’s known her longer than I have.” Yoongi looked from Taehyung to Jimin who looked up in surprise.
“That’s fine.” He said. Jimin gave Taehyung a thankful look and entered the room.
He drew a hard breath when he saw her. Her hospital gown washed away the color of her cheeks that once gave her a youthful glow. “Oh, Y/N…” He put his hand to his heart and sat down. “What happened to you?” The dark circles under her eyes popped against the blank canvas of her face. He slipped his hand under hers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand. “You can’t be doing this to yourself. You scared me. You scared us.”
He spent a long time just looking at her in silence. He couldn’t find a way to put his emotions into words. “God, you’re so gorgeous. Even when you're wearing a paper gown with bags that rival a panda’s.” He reached and twirled a piece of her hair in his fingers — something he did a lot when they relaxed together. Her usual bouncy coils laid in dull, limp waves against her shoulders. “You almost left me. You can’t do that, because you’re stuck with me. And there’s nothing you can do to change that. Wherever you go, I’ll follow, whatever you do, I’ll copy. We’re in this together, so your ass better wake up so we can fuck shit up until we’re old and grey, scaring kids on Halloween together.” He giggled, but it slowly turned to whimpers. He wiped tears from his cheeks with his sleeves. “You’re my best friend, N/N. I don’t know if I can handle it if you go.” He took a sniffly breath. “I love you, Y/N. I’ve always loved you. Even if it was in different ways, but I always have.” He sniffed and his voice cracked under the emotion. “You deserve the world, you deserve someone who loves you the way I know you should be loved. That’s why I was so happy when you met Yoongi, because I knew he was perfect for you. He worships you, Y/N, kisses the ground you walk on. And I can rest easy knowing you’re in the best possible hands. Don’t worry about me though, I’m happy loving you in any way I can.” Tears patted on the bed sheets when he leaned in to give her a lingering kiss on the cheek. “Please come back to us.”
~~~
An hour passed, and Jimin emerged from the room. “Finally! I was starting to regret giving up my turn.” Taehyung stood. Jimin and Jungkook held hands and Yoongi stripped his leather jacket off. The extra layers were starting to get to him. He looked up and saw Taehyung still standing there.
“What are you lookin’ at me for?”
“C-can I go now?” Yoongi chuckled a little.
“Of course you can.”
~~~
It took a while for Taehyung to eventually gravitate to the chair beside her. He mainly stood near the door and stared at her for the first five minutes. Another twenty went by of him just sitting in the chair with his hands clasped between his knees. “Listen uh...I’m not good at this whole sentimental thing, so if it’s true that coma patients remember what they hear, don’t judge. I know I get on your nerves a lot and tease you, but I do it ‘cus that’s just how I show love.” He looked down. “Truth is, you’re like a sister to me, Y/N. I always wanted an older sister to annoy, and when I met you it felt like I’d found my missing piece. Nobody in my life ever stays long, but you’re the one constant that I could hang on to. No matter which girl left me or friends I lost, I knew I could always count on you to be there, ready to go along with whatever I wanted.” He chuckled at the tears brimming in his eyes. “Look at this shit. You got me cryin’.” He roughly wiped his eyes with the collar of his hoodie. “Well, that’s my spiel. Wake up soon. I need somebody to roll their eyes at my jokes again.” He stood and wiped his palms on his sweats. His fingers twitched at his side as he peered down at her. Hesitantly, he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the forehead. “Get better, sis.”
~~~
The next day was Namjoon, Hoseok, and Jin’s turn. Namjoon, unsurprisingly, got there at the exact time Yoongi texted him to. He came in carrying a to-go cup of coffee with the Starbucks logo on the sleeve. Immediately, he pulled Yoongi into a quick hug before he could protest. “Here, I know you’re not sleeping.”
“Thanks.” Yoongi took it with a small smile. Namjoon wasn’t wrong. He hadn’t slept a wink since he got there, and it was starting to show. His raven hair hung in glossy clumps and he was starting to develop his own set of dark circles. “You can go in whenever you’re ready.”
Namjoon stepped in and closed the door gently behind him. “Hey, N/N.” He sighed and took a seat in the chair that he dwarfed with his long legs. “I know you probably could care less, but I’m gonna take care of your homework for you until you get out of this. That is, if you don’t wake up by Monday. Anyway, uh, Cheyenne couldn’t make it. She’s at a tournament in Las Vegas, but she sends her love. Maybe when you wake up, you can FaceTime her. She’s really worried about you, y’know. Even if you guys haven’t seen each other for years.” He gazed at her almost as if he was waiting for her to respond. He sighed and rubbed his eyes. “Normally, I always know what to say, but….with you there’s just so much to be said I can’t think straight, so I thought,” he fished a small book out of his coat pocket, “I’d read you some poetry instead. I know the guys have probably talked your ear off, so it should be a nice break from it all.” He cracked open the book to one of the pages he’d marked with a sticky note. “I’ll start with this one, since I know it’s your favorite.”
Life is unpredictable,
It changes with the seasons,
Even your coldest winter,
Happens for the best of reasons,
And though it feels eternal,
Like all you’ll ever do is freeze,
I promise spring is coming,
And with it, brand new leaves.
- Erin Hanson
~~~
Hoseok was already in the hallway when Namjoon finished up. “How’d it go?” He showed him the book in his hand.
“Just some reading. She always likes that.” Hoseok gave him a nod and circled around him to take his place.
He took a seat and rested his elbows on the mattress. “Hey...God, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do this. I’m not used to one sided conversations.” He gave a tiny chuckle. “I was a mess when I heard about your accident...I mean, Fentanyl, Y/N? Fentanyl?? I know how bad that shit’s reputation is and when I heard you ODed on it, I was certain you were dead. It took five minutes for Yoongi to calm me down and say you were alive.” He eyed all the tubes and machines she was hooked up to. “Although it doesn’t really look like it….Fuck you scared me, Y/N. Don’t you ever do that again.” He grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You hear me? You’re the only one who knows how bad my coke problem really is. In fact, no one else even knows I’m bipolar. Only you. Because you’re the only person I feel comfortable talking about it with. So please, don’t scare me like that again. I don’t expect you to come out of this clean as a whistle. Hell, I don’t even expect you to stop snorting your prescriptions. That’s why we need each other. We can work on ourselves together. I know you’ll wake up. I just know it. And I’ll be waiting with a big ass bag of all your favorite candy and movies when you do. So, you just focus on healing that body of yours and get back to us as soon as you can.” He gave her a kiss on the hand and another on her forehead. “Love ‘ya.”
~~~
Yoongi eyed the book Namjoon had set on one of the chairs lining the hall. He picked it up and leafed through it. “Hey, Joon?”
“Yeah?”
“You think I can borrow this for a bit?” He looked over to see what he was talking about.
“Yeah, of course.” Yoongi continued to flip through the pages when Hoseok stepped out and shut the door behind him. His eyes were misty and his voice was a little nasally.
“That was a lot harder than I thought it was gonna be.” He scanned the hallway. “Is Jin coming?”
“He’s coming around six after he gets off work.” Yoongi said, not looking up from the poem he was in the middle of.
“Oh, okay. Well, I have practice later so I’ll try to come visit again as soon as I can.” Hoseok gave each of them a hug and took his leave.
“I can stick around if you want, Yoongi.” Namjoon offered.
“No, no. I’m okay. There’s really not much you can do here. I’ll call you if anything comes up.” He stood again and Namjoon gave him another parting hug. “Thanks for the book, by the way.”
“No problem. I’ll see you later.”
Yoongi took his spot in the chair by Y/N’s bed and delved back into his book. As he went along, he wrote poems that reminded him of her on the hospital stationary from the bedside table. He didn’t read them aloud. He found it hard to believe that talking would actually help. His life hadn’t been fortunate enough for him to believe in anything more than cold, hard facts. He wasn’t one for talking anyway, and he knew neither was she.
He didn’t realize how much time had passed until Jin came knocking with a duffel bag in his hand. “Who’s that for?” Yoongi asked.
“You.” Jin said as he tossed it at him. He dropped the book and caught it against his chest. “Now go shower while I talk to my baby because I know you haven’t. You don’t want Y/N to wake up and have you smelling like ass.” He had him there. He stood up with a sigh and took the duffel to the connecting bathroom.
Jin turned and felt his heart sink at the sight of her. It hurt to see her like this and not be able to do anything to help. “I hope you’re feeling okay in there.” He sat on the edge of the bed by her thigh. “I can’t stay as long as I’d hoped, so I’ll have to make this quick. I know you probably don’t want me boo-hooing over you, so I’ll try to keep the tears to a minimum.” He rubbed the smooth tape securing the IV in her hand. “I’ll never forget that time I found you curled up on the floor, in the middle of your living room, so depressed you couldn't walk. I had to bathe you and tuck you in bed. I even fed you soup even though you said you could do it yourself.” He smiled softly. “I know I have to take care of you sometimes when you can’t do it yourself. And that’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help every once in a while. That’s my job. We always joke about how I’m your guys’ momma, but it’s true. You’re the reason I realized how much I want to be a dad one day. Believe me, if I could take care of you for the rest of my life I would, but I don’t think you’d care for that too much.” A small tear slipped past his guard and dripped down his cheek. “Sorry,” he wiped it away, “but you can’t blame me. I’m worried about you, Y/N. I don’t know what drove you to do this, but I know you tried your hardest to fight it.” He squeezed her hand. “I want you to know that I’m not mad, I’m not disappointed. You were trying to take your pain away. I just wish you could’ve told me how much you were suffering. Even if you want to spare me the stress and heartbreak of it all, I’d rather know you're in pain so maybe I can help you. Please don’t hide like that again. I need my little gremlin around to give me grey hairs before I hit thirty.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the head. “And you’re worth every single one.”
The door to the bathroom opened and Yoongi stepped out rubbing a towel over his hair. “Sorry, I tried to take as long as possible.”
“It’s fine, I need to be going anyway.” Jin stood and gave Y/N one last glance. “I’ll be waiting for you, kiddo.” He turned to Yoongi. “You gonna be okay here by yourself?”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
“Have you talked to her yet?” Yoongi paused. “You should. Even if you think it doesn’t do anything, you’d be surprised what comes out.” With that, he took his jacket off the chair and closed the door behind him.
~~~
The clock read 11:50 by the time Yoongi finished his book. He set it on the bedside table with a sigh. Over a dozen notes were taped to the railing in a long line of comforting messages. It was surprising how much it helped him take his mind off the worst. But now, he had nothing to do but wait. He let out another long sigh. “I’m sorry I haven’t talked much. It’s just hard not being able to hear your voice...I figured if I tried to say anything I’d fucking lose it, but it feels like I already am.” He rested his forehead in his hands and ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus...what am I gonna do? If you go, I don’t know what I’m gonna do to myself. It scares me...One of the nurses told me you’d be going to a better place, but I don’t care if you’re going to a better place, I need you here.” He sniffed. “And I know that’s wrong, but I need you in this shitty ass world because I can’t survive without you.” He tried to blink the brimming tears out of his eyes, but it was no use. “There’s no one else in the world I’d rather be with than you. I don’t know how you made me like this, but I don’t ever want to change. I love you. I love you so fucking much I don’t know what to do with myself. I love the little things about you the most. I love that one curl that you hate because it goes the wrong way, how you’re not afraid to eat twice as much as me, how you grab my shirt in your sleep, how you walk in the grass with a flashlight during the summer so you don’t step on any frogs.”
The steady beep of the EKG was the only response he got. “Please don’t leave me. Please? No one’s ever made me feel this good before. And if you leave...if you-...” His head sank as he tried to hold back his tears. “It’s just- It’s easier to smile with you because when I look at you, I can feel it. And I-I look at you and I-....I’m home….Please, I don’t want that to go away.”
~~~
Yoongi didn’t remember falling asleep, but he woke up with his head resting against Y/N’s hip. He blinked away his sleepiness and tried to read the clock. 6:20. He groaned. Stayed awake two nights in a row and didn’t even get so much as six hours. Despite his suspicions, he did feel a lot better having talked to her. It seemed to bring her a little closer to him in these God awful times.
She was looking better. The dark circles were fading and the color was returning to her lips. It lifted his spirits to see she was visibly healing. He called Namjoon to bring him another poetry book. The stuff was really starting to grow on him. Of all people.
Other than a visit from Jungkook, Jiwoo, and Jimin, the day was pretty uneventful. A few nurses came in to take her vitals and stretch her joints, but he wouldn’t necessarily consider that an event.
“Here’s a good one.” Yoongi leaned forward in his chair for her to hear.
I don’t think you will
Ever fully understand
How you touched my life
And made me who I am.
You are the keeper of my dreams,
The man who holds my heart,
The one I want to spend my life with,
The one with whom I will always stand.
Stand beside through thick and thin
Through all that life throws our way
Knowing that this special love we share
Will guide us each and every day.
I don’t think you could ever feel
All the love I have to give,
And I’m sure you never realize
You’ve been my will to live.
- Stephanie Schiavone
~~~
The light of dawn shone through the thin curtains that billowed in the breeze coming from the open balcony door, casting the spacious bedroom in a golden glow. Yoongi shifted under the white, linen sheets and stretched out his spine like a cat. He cracked an eye open and took in the view of Y/N’s bare back on the other side of the bed. The fabric only came up to her hips and was pulled around to her chest with her sleeping hands. Her hair swept over the entire pillow scattering her curls every which way.
He ghosted his knuckle down her spine and back up again, repeating the action until her slender shoulders stirred. She let out a small, airy groan and dug herself further into the mattress. Birds chirped in the lush trees swaying outside with the coming morning. Yoongi scooted closer until her back was flush against his chest. The heat between their skin was a welcome sensation that seemed to fill his heart with even more love. If that was possible. He slipped his arms around her waist and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She wriggled again when he started peppering her with kisses up and down her neck and cheek. He finally brought his lips to her ear. “Wake up.”
~~~
Y/N’s eyes drifted open and fluttered against the cold lights of the ICU room. She looked down at her IVs and around the room groggily. Yoongi was asleep on the edge of the bed with his head resting on his folded arms. It broke her heart to see how tired he looked. Dark bags marked his red, puffy eyes from hours of vigil. Tears welled in her eyes and her lips drew into a pained frown as the memories of her night flashed in her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut and attempted to silence her hiccups. Her head sank back into the pillow and hoped it would just swallow her whole. There was no way she’d be able to face anyone after what she did. Oh God. Jungkook. Instant guilt and shame washed over her when she realized what she put that poor boy through.
When her eyes cleared enough to see, she noticed the dozens of messages littering her bed and side table. She took one off the railing with a shaky hand. It was in Yoongi’s handwriting.
When I first met you
I remembered you
From a hundred different dreams
And there you were
For me to love
All over again
For the very first time
- Atticus
A smile crept onto her lips as she read each one.
Your eyes.
Your eyes hold everything
My soul thirsts for.
- Paul Perry
She read another.
You gave light to my soul
You helped me to be whole
I have felt love for you before
And it will be more and more,
You are mine, my dear
You are the angel from above
Who taught me how to love.
Please, forever keep me near.
- Anonymous
~~~
The feeling of his hair being carded through slowly coaxed Yoongi out of his dream. He peeked an eye open. Y/N was mindlessly playing with his hair while she intently read one of his notes. “Oh my God!” He jumped onto the bed and cupped her head in his hands as he attacked her with kisses wherever he could land them. “You’re awake! Holy shit, you’re awake!” He pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes. “I thought I lost you.”
“You can’t get rid of me that easily.” Her hoarse voice was like music to his ears. He let himself laugh for the first time in the longest three days of his life. She looked up at him and he finally got to see those e/c eyes that he missed so much. Another wave of kisses washed over her that concluded with a final long, heated kiss on her lips.
“I’ve been waiting to be able to do that again.” She giggled and pushed against his chest.
“Get off, creepo. If the nurses saw you like this you’d get kicked out so fucking fast.”
“Oh shit,” he jumped off, “I need to tell them you’re up!” She watched in amusement as he ran out the door, then frantically popped back in.
“I’ll be right back!”
~~~
Everything that happened next flew by in a blur. She nearly suffocated under the hugs and kisses and gifts she was bombarded with. She was transferred to a standard room where she was allowed to have as many visitors as she wanted. Her entire day consisted of catching up with everyone, watching movies, and lots, and lots of Jello. Most of her IVs were removed which allowed Yoongi to curl up beside her that night.
The next evening, Jungkook was visiting her when Dr. Lobrano stepped in with his usual clipboard and pen. “Hey you two. If you don’t mind, I need to speak with Miss Y/N for a few minutes in private.”
“Oh..okay.” Jungkook reluctantly got up and left the room, stealing a glance on his way out.
“So?” She asked. The doctor folded his hands in front of him and looked down for a bit.
“I’m afraid there’s one thing about your condition that I’ve yet to mention.” She sat up straighter, her stomach churning.
“What is it?”
“When you first arrived at the ER you had major vaginal bleeding, so we did some tests...” Her heart stopped. “You were pregnant, but I’m afraid the shock of your overdose also caused you to miscarry.” It felt like she got punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson. All the air was sucked out of her lungs.
“P-pregnant..?”
“I’m sorry. I wanted to give you some time to catch up with loved ones before I informed you.” Hot tears rolled down her cheeks and her eyes darted back and forth trying to make sense of it all.
“H-how far along was I?”
“About three weeks.”
“Does...does Yoongi know?”
“I’m leaving you the choice to decide that. Once again, my deepest condolences.” He left her to process the news in privacy.
She collapsed onto the bed, her sobs coming out in hiccupy squeaks. Her hands gravitated to her stomach and tried to imagine the little being that used to be there. Three soft knocks sounded from the other side of the door. It slowly opened and Jungkook peaked his head in. “Y/N? Are you okay?” She only stared up at the ceiling. He approached her bedside. “....Y/N?” Her eyes eventually found him and filled with more tears.
“Can you hug me?” He immediately sat on the edge of the bed and pulled her up into a hug. Her shoulders quivered and she gripped desperately at his shirt.
“Hey, it's okay. It’s okay…” He stroked her hair and rested his chin on the top of her head. She cried, and cried, and cried until nothing else came out. Jungkook held her until her sobs faded, and her body leaned against his chest. He gently laid her down, taking care not to wake her up. Her peaceful face was a stark contrast to the tears that wet her cheeks and reddened her nose. Whatever the doctor told her must’ve been pretty damn bad to have her asking for a hug, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know.
Y/N was still asleep when Yoongi stepped out of the shower. Moonlight that came from a small window lit his path to her bed. She stirred when he climbed in. “It’s me. Go back to sleep.” He whispered. The sheets were pulled over their bodies and she rolled onto her side with her back to him. He took the opportunity to pull her closer. His face nestled on her shoulder and he let out a long sigh of contentment. She clenched her muscles to suppress her whimpers, but it was no use. He lifted his head to look down at her. “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Her eyes clamped shut and a choked sob escaped her chest.
“I killed our baby.”
~~~
It took a long time for Yoongi to wrap his head around what she told him the night before. When he finally put two and two together, he immediately turned her around so she was facing his chest and pulled her in as close as he possibly could. He was absolutely distraught, but only a few silent tears of shock came out as she sobbed into his shoulder all over again.
They slept late into the afternoon until they were woken up by a beaming Jimin. “Wake up, sleepyheads! It’s your discharge day!” Yoongi scowled at the unwelcome noise and lazily swatted at him. Jimin grabbed his wrist and pulled him to sit up straight. “Come on! Don’t you wanna get out of here?”
“Gimme a minute before I punch you.” He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Jimin circled around to Y/N’s side and played with her hair.
“Y/Naaa, wake uuuup~” She cracked an eye and glared at him. “Oh, don’t give me that look too. It’s noon, and you’re supposed to check out at two. Let's get a move on.”
They spent the better half of an hour watching TV while Yoongi packed up the duffel Jin brought him. Y/N brushed her teeth in bed and spat the toothpaste in a cup when she was done. “Here.” She handed it to Jimin who took it and rinsed it out in the sink.
There was a knock at the door and Dr. Lobrano stepped inside. “How’re we feeling today?”
“Fine, I guess.” she shrugged. “I’m just ready to go home.”
“About that. It’s come to my attention that you have a history of suicidal behavior, and while it’s not my position to judge, I also can’t rule your overdose out as a suicide attempt.” “What?” She was dumbfounded. How could that be any of his business? “I wasn’t trying to kill myself!”
“But did you or did you not have any concern for your safety when you took that Fentanyl?” She pressed her lips into an angry thin line. She was angry because she knew he was right. She knew the risk and she did it anyway.
“What are you getting at?” Yoongi stepped in.
“According to California law, overdose victims are required to participate in a mandatory 28 days of rehabilitation. And since you’re also a danger to yourself, your treatment will have to be in a psychiatric facility.”
Y/N, Yoongi, and Jimin’s jaws dropped. There was no way he was serious. Right? Her heart beat faster, and faster, and faster with every memory of St. Joseph’s that flashed in her mind. “No….no, no, no!” She clawed at her IV and yanked it out of her hand. She threw the sheets up and made a mad dash for the door, but two male nurses stood ready to catch her. “NO! NO! NO! I’M NOT GOING BACK!” They hauled her back on the bed and tried to pin her kicking legs down. Her screams brought another team of nurses rushing in with a set of bed restraints.
“What the hell are you doing to her?!” Yoongi shouted. One of the nurses turned and put her hand to the boys’ chests.
“You two need to leave, right now.” They were shoved outside the room and forced to watch the crowd of people struggle to hold Y/N’s thrashing body to the mattress so the restraints could be slipped on. Jimin held his hands to his mouth and stared through wide, teary eyes.
“NO! NO! NO! NO! I CAN’T GO BACK! YOONGI!” It felt like someone stabbed him in the heart when she desperately called out to him. He could hear the terror in her voice.
“YOONGI!”
Pain filled his entire body and he bit the inside of his lip, visibly restraining himself from lunging forward and ripping her from the restraints that she jerked so furiously against. “YOONGI! PLEASE DON’T LET-'' A nurse sank a syringe into her hip and her legs quickly ceased their kicking. Y/N fell silent.
Yoongi stood like a statue and stared at the only half of her that he could see. “Yoongi, I-” he ripped his shoulder away when Jimin placed a hand on it and stormed away. He didn’t stop until he got all the way to his car in the parking lot. The door slammed shut behind him and he was left in silence. His forehead fell against the steering wheel and he let out a long breath.
A single whimper escaped his chest.
Then another.
And another.
Loud, hiccupy sobs wracked his whole body as he white-knuckled the leather wrapped wheel. One especially aggressive wave had him hugging himself in a bawling heap. He hadn’t cried like this since he was little, hiding in the closet from his dad’s drunken rage. It was scary how quickly he lost control, and he knew there was nothing he could do to get it back.
38 notes · View notes
pink-peony-princess · 3 years
Text
A Little Piece of Art
Tumblr media
The art gallery had always been one of Shawn's favourite places, he loved the colours, the textures, even the smell of the freshly painted canvases.
During his residency year of Emergency Medicine this love, had become something more, something sacred. His weekly visits to the local art galleries were the only chance he got to 'just be'. He found something so comforting in the way the colours melded together forming any number of unique patterns, the colours quietly, but boldly expressing the many emotions with fuelled the artist's work.
Maybe it was this that he connected with the most? Life as a medical resident was hectic, always ruled, by other people's, needs, wants, emotions, there never seemed to be time to address your own wants and needs. But time, at the art gallery, Shawn found, gave him an escape, a way to wonder off into a world of bright unchecked colour and vibrancy, away from the harsh unrelenting realities of people's all too often life-threatening and life-changing injuries, away from everything an everyone. Well everyone except one person that was.
He'd first met Auburn three years ago, it was a chance encounter, he wasn't meant to walk into that particular little gallery , and she wasn't meant to working that day, but as fate had it she was and he did.
They'd striked up a friendship fairly quickly, a mutual interest and respect for the works of art and the artist's behind them fuelled many hours of conversation. There had always been an unspoken, but undeniable chemistry between the two of them, but Shawn was busy with work and didn't want to drag someone else into that mess, and Auburn was just too shy to ask
When Shawn found out that Auburn was single, he was shocked. She was gorgeous, with long platinum blonde straight hair and the perfect figure, yet up close she had just the right amount of freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose, breaking the facade of perfection.
Auburn had been equally as confused when Shawn admitted that he too was single. She could understand the reasoning behind it, with a busy job and other commitments including a family that lived out of state, she couldn't however get over, but Shawn was gorgeous like some Greek God doctor-model who had just made his way from the runway and into her gallery. He was tall and lean, but muscular with tattoos scattering his hands and arms, deep brown eyes which seemed to reach your soul with the barest glace and a mop of perfectly kept brown curls- always tamed by hair product which Auburn longed to run her fingers through.
Two years and much flirting later and Shawn had finally gotten up the courage to ask her out l, to which she immediately agreed. He'd taken her to one of his favourite restaurants for dinner and they're talked for hours as if they'd known one another for a lifetime. Shawn told her about his hobbies, medicine was number one for which Auburn admired him for following his passions, closely followed by the guitar and ice hockey, not to mention family, he loved his family, Auburn found this to be an immediate turn-on as she too was close to her family although she couldn't get to see them as often as she liked l, they were across country and an art gallerist's wages certainly did not cover the cost of the ticket.
She found herself telling him all her most embarrassing stories from grade school when she's tripped and fallen into a muddy puddle bigger than she was in front of her entire class, and all about the time she'd been left to sit outside the movie theatre in 8th grade for two hours waiting for a date that would never show.
Shawn was furious at this, exclaiming that he would never do that to a girl, and anyone who would, was a coward, before downing the rest of his Tequila.
Admittedly by then they were both a little drunk and high on life and the presence of each other
When the evening ended Shawn walked Auburn home like the gentleman he was,turning to leave her and she made it to the doorstep, but something in him made him turn around causing him to crash into her body with the force of a truck as she too made her way to him. The two sharing a heated kiss before Auburn turned head down to hide the raging blush and wide smile that lit up her face and made her way inside.
From that moment the two had been inseperable, with Auburn moving into Shawn's condo- a far cry from the crusty old place she'd rented when she first got the city.
They'd done the whole meeting each other's families, both feeling completely at home and welcome, before a year later getting the happy news that they were expecting.
Auburn had been feeling off for over a week when Shawn finally convinced her to go to the doctors and get a blood drawn, a million things flying through his head as to what it might be.
The pregnancy news had completely shocked them both, but as they had sat there together staring down at the piece of paper stating the cause of all her sickness, irritability and hunger there was no denying that it was right.
They were over the moon, elated at the idea of being parents with Shawn referring to the baby as he laid his hands on her stomach as "Their happy little ancient!"
To say that Shawn was protective was an understatement a helicopter parent (to be) might be more apt Auburn thought as Shawn handed her what fleet like her tens of pills as she ate her breakfast before rushing from the room only half dressed to finish getting ready for work which now that he was finished residency (and at the top of his class, which Auburn loved to brag to her friends about) was a local hospital where he was working.
...
The day started normally, Auburn went off to the gallery to start her day l, daydreaming of seeing Shawn who'd been away on training for the last little bit.
Somewhere in this perfect daydream, everything came crashing down. The last thing Auburn was aware of was the screech of tyres and the immense, unstoppable feeling of pain.
...
"Dr Craigen,we need you in triage one." Brian's nurse Amy spoke as she came skidding into the room.
"Can it wait?"  He asked looking up briefly from the hand of a young girl he was suturing after she was bitten by a dog.
"No, it can't." He could hear the tension in her voice,  so he stood removing his gloves,  and paging another doctor to take care of the girl before following her out.
"What is it? Who?"  He asked as Amy all but ran through the corridor. His question was cut short as they reached the bay in question.
"Just stay still! For God sake, you don't have a choice." He couldn't see the patient's face from outside the door,  but he could see that two nurses and an intern were currently trying to restrain her,  against her will.
"What on earth do you think youre doing Doctor Tanaran?"  Brian asked as he grabbed a pair of gloves and stepped into the room. The intern stepped back from the patient, turning to look at him.
"We need to get an I.V. in her,  but she's not cooperating," he responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Brian?" The person on the bed asked. He recognised the voice immediately and sure enough as he stepped around to the other side of the bed,  there lay Auburn  a close personal friend, someone who he considered to be like a sister, and the girlfriend of one of his best friends, Dr. Shawn Mendes.
She was almost unrecognisable, bloodied,  and bruised,  tears flooding her face and falling into the linen of the bed staining it a muddy brown as they mixed with the blood flowing from a nasty looking gash on her head,  an oxygen mask laying forgotten beside her.
"Auburn?" he asked finally making eye contact, before looking up to find that she had not even been attached to any monitors yet.
"Everyone get your hands off the patient, now."  he stared poignantly at the intern that who still had his hands on her.
"She just wouldn't cooperate." he grumbled as he stepped back.
Brian saw red at that, turning to glare before speaking.
"Have you thought about why the patient might be uncooperative?  Have you even bothered to ask?"  I questioned folding my arms across my chest.
He looked down at the floor,  but didn't answer. "Didn't think so.  So not only have you terrified an already distressed patient,  but you've assaulted the girlfriend of Dr. Shawn Mendes,  head of this ER."
His head snapped up at this,  a look of shear panic on his face.
"Dr. Craigen I didn't think-"
"That's right,"  he interrupted.  "The same way you haven't thought the three other times I've had to speak to you over the duration of your time here so far.
Get out of this room,  and go and tell your resident that I don't want you on my service anymore.  Oh and Tanaran," Brian called as the man made his way for the exit.  "If I ever see or hear you do something like that ever again,  I will personally make sure you're pulled from this program."
He sighed and turned around to see Auburn smiling softly.
"Thanks Bri"  she spoke softly, very dazed,reaching her hand out for him to take. Somewhat restricted by the board and collar she had been placed on for spinal management.
"No problem hon. He's got an attitude that one.
So I'm just going to start slowly okay.  I'm just going to hook you up to some monitors so that we can check you're heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen. Can I see the chart please? " he asked one of the nurses that was stood meekly in the corner.
"Yes Doctor," she responded before leaving and returning a minute later with the relevant information.
"Okay so it says here,  that apart from that gash on your forehead and a fracture to your arm you have  some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated ankle as well as possible spinal injuries," he listed off as he took in the notes from the Emergency Services.
"They only got half way through checking her." the other nurse  responded. Brian nodded, before placing the chart in the holder at the end of the bed,  and returning to Auburn's side. He picked up her hand gently to check her pulse,  watching as her eyes fluttered,  drooping slightly.
"Auburn, I need you to try and stay awake for me," he spoke, tapping her check softly, moving to check her focal response with his pen light and finding that she had a fairly moderate concussion.
She let out a small groan,  but managed to open her eyes, watching me tiredly.
"That's it," he praised. " smiling before grabbing his stethoscope from around his neck and resting it to her chest.
"Deep breathes," he asked quietly. She did as asked, but it was obvious from the way she was wincing every time she inhaled that she was in pain.
"It hurts and I want Shawn." she cried.
"I know you do hon. We'll get him here soon," he promised, paging one of his nurses to go and find him.
"How bad is your pain one to ten?' he asked,  watching her closely.
"Eight " she answered.
"Okay I'm going to help ease some of that okay. " he spoke resting the I.V.tray that the previous doctor had set up next to the bed.
"Tell me what you remember? " he asked, trying to keep her talking.
"I was just crossing the street,  and a car came out of nowhere. I don't know what happend. I was coming to see Shawn." she added.
"I'm sorry Auburn. " He really did feel sorry for her,  not only as a doctor, but as a friend.  She and Shawn had barely gotten to see one another the last few weeks, and now this. 
"They didn't even stop to help me! " She cried, more tears trailing down her face. He felt so sorry for her, and sick at the thought of how Shawn might react. He just hoped Shawn was able to stay calm,  for both of their sakes.
"Small scratch." he warned, inserting the line, and getting her started on some much needed fluids and pain relief. She flinched a little,  but didn't pull away. "Okay, so I'm going to get Dave to come and  help me with a spinal exam,  and he should also be able to determine if we need x-rays for these breaks okay" he explained gently,trying not to scare her.
She looked worried at the mention of x-rays,  but he just assumed it was due to her being clastrophobic,  as she didn't say anymore on the subject.
He walked out of the room, quietly closing the door after me, and made my way to the nurses station where I found Dave helping a nurse. As an Orthopedic doctor he was often called down for consults, so it was common to find him here.
"Dave, do you mind helping me for a second mate?" he asked, before coming to stand next to him waiting as he finished his conversation.
"Yeah what is it?" he asked as Brian handed him Auburn's chart.
"Auburn?" He asked disbelief clear in his tone,  eyebrows raised in confusion. "Auburn as in Shawn's Auburn.What happend?
"
"Hit and run." he answered. Causing Dave to wince in sympathy. "They didn't even stop!"
"Has anyone gotten a hold of Shawn?" He asked, shaking his head as they made their way to the door of Auburn's room.
"Yeah, but she's quite distressed obviously,  so I'm just taking it really slowly. At least until Shawn gets here, unless something is absolutely vital," he told him. Dave nodded before opening the door, and greeting Auburn with a bright smile.
"Hi Auburn, Bri told me you got in a fight with a car?" He asked, causing her to smile faintly.
"What have we got so far?" he asked.
"Large laceration on the forehead and a fracture to the left  arm, some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated right ankle as well as possible spinal injuries, she is also complaining of chest pain." Brian added as he hummed at the growing list of ailments.
"Auburn are you having any trouble breathing? " he asked, she nodded letting him listen to her breathing as Brian had. The room was quiet for a few moments except for the beeping of the machines as he moved the stethoscope around her chest, before stepping back with a sigh.
"Slightly muffled left side," he agreed, glancing to the monitors,  a look of concern on his face.
"It'll need to get an x-ray,  and maybe an ultrasound." Brian nodded, adding,
"I'd also like to get some CTs of the head just to be sure there is no underlying bleeding. Is it okay if we give you some oxygen?" he asked wanting to up her saturation, especially given her breathing troubles.
She made a small jerk of the head in the affirmative,  allowing him to place the mask that had lay beside her back on her face.
"Any other pain?" Dave asked lifting the blanket to assess the damage to her lower extremities, she took a few shaky breaths.
"Just my ankle."
" Okay,we just need to turn you and have a feel of your spine. Before we do, anything else, as we don't want to aggregate anything." Dave explained coming back to stand at the head of the bed. "All you need to tell me is if you feel anything sore."
She hummed in resonse,  unable to nod due to the collar.
"On three, one,two,three. " Brian spoke before rolling her and holding her steady.
"Any tenderness?" Dave asked as he made his way down her spine, gently feeling for abnormalities.
"No." she answered innnediately.
"Wiggled your toes for me?" he asked as he went to stand by the end of the bed again. She did so,  causing them both to breathe a sigh of relief.
Five minutes later and Dave l had decided that x- rays were necessary, due to the precarious nature of the fractures in her arm and ankle and that the fractured ribs did need further investigation, however that no spinal damage had been done,  meaning she could be removed from the collar and brace.
"Where's Shawn?"  She asked, again as they went about removing the neck brace. Brian was starting to wonder what was taking the nurse so long himself.
-Shawn-
I hadn't been able to focus all day, it was my first day back after being away at a two week trauma conference,and also the first time I would be able to see Auburn and the baby since she was meeting me at work. I sighed as I tried yet again to focus on the swirling numbers of the department's budget on the screen in front of me.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock.  "Dr. Mendes you're needed down in triage. Urgently." A nurse spoke,making me stand and follow her immediately.
-Third Person-
"He's on his way now hon, but we really should get you up to x-rays okay." Dave spoke, going to start moving the bed.
"Not not until Shawn is here," she begged, catching his hand and stopping him. Seconds later, and Shawn ran through the door, eyes wide as he took in the site of me.
"Auburn, baby,what happend?" he asked, leaning down and gently stroking her head, careful of the cut.
"They didn't stop!A car!" She cried a fresh batch of tears starting.
Shawn was pretty calm considering the situation, Auburn however was not, Brian could see from the monitor that her heart rate was spiking and he tipped his head to Shawn, indicating for him to do something.
"Try and slow your breathing honey," he encouraged softly as it spiked to about 130 when it had previously been sitting about 110. She managed to slow it a little, Shawn not saying anything,  merely cupping her face gently and kissing her head.
"Shawn, " Daves spoke,  "we really need to get her to x-ray. She has broken ribs, we need to determine how bad."
"No, no x-ray," she interrupted again.
"Sweetheart, you'll be fine,  I promise. " he spoke,  stroking her hand softly.
"It's not that." She answered, looking away.
"Then what?" Dave asked looking to Shawn.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered. "We found out two weeks ago. We wanted to keep it a surprise."
"Someone get Connor down here," Shawn ordered almost too calmly.
Dave and Brian shared a worried look, if she was pregnant,  there was a possibility that something may have effected the baby.
"Page Connor." Dave mumbled to Brian.
"I've already done it ,he's on his way." Briam tried to reassure him, hoping that he would calm a little at the fact that the best ObGyn was going to be consulting.
"No what if something's wrong? " Auburnpanicked,  catching on.
"Auburn you need the ultrasound," Shawn spoke firmly.
Her lip wobbled a little causing Shawn to soften his tone a little.  "I'm sorry babe,  I'm just worried about you. And you need the x-rays," he added.
"Auburn, you need to understand that while normally we wouldn't use x-ray, in this instance it's important,  we won't have a healthy baby,  unless it's mummy is healthy too yeah? " Dave explained gently.
  "O-okay," she agreed reluctantly.
"I think we can however forgo the CT, given that you've been alert the whole time. " Brian spoke earning a smile from her.
"But you won't be allowed to sleep for the next few hours and even once you can we'll need to wake you every hour, on the hour," Dave warned.
Just as we were about to start moving up to radiology having unhooked the bed Connor arrived.
"Sorry I came down as fast as I could," he apologised "Hi Auburn," he smiled as he came over to the side of the bed.
"So you found out you were pregnant two weeks ago?" he asked. She nodded.  "And everything has been normal so far? No bleeding?
"
"No." She answered, nervously, causing Shawn to squeeze her hand a little.
"Okay then, I'm just going to pull your gown up."  he did so before reaching for the gel. That was housed next to the portable ultrasound machine that we always kept in the triage bays. They were smaller, and less powerful, but still useful in situations like this. "This will be a little cold," he spoke before placing the gel on her stomach. The room was silent, everyone waiting with baited breath, Auburn with her eyes shut. Connor hit a button on the machine and the room was filled with a rhythmic thumping.
"What's that?" her eyes snapping open to met his.
"Congratulations Auburn, that is your baby's heart beat. Junior seems very happy,  very strong heart rate at 150 beats per minute." Connor smiled. 
" Oh my God!" she cried reaching up to hug Shawn, before sharing a kiss.
"Judging by the size, bubby's just gone 12 weeks," Connor added, pointing out the measurements on the screen.
Everyone's faces were the same- all smiling from ear to ear.
"Do you want a copy of the scan?" Connor asked.
"Hell yeah!" Shawn agreed making Leah laugh. "This is going on the fridge."
Twenty minutes later, and we had all gone down to radiology, Shawn not having left her side. A permanent smile etched on his face.
"Just stay still for me Auburn." Dave asked,adjusting her leg to get the right image.
Once that was done, and it was determined that nothing needed surgery she was taken back up to a more private room, and Dave set about casting her.
"This will feel a little funny, but it won't hurt now." He reassured her as she became a little fidgety,  giving her some laughing gas and upping her pain meds slightly.
It was then Brian's turn to stitch up the wounds on her head, something which should have been very straight forward, but she was terrified,  having all but jumped (or gotten as far,which wasn't very) into Shawn's arms.
"It won't hurt Princess, Brian will numb you up good okay?" he spoke, sitting next to her, while Brian sat on a rolly chair by her head, Dave next to Shawn.
"Ready?"
She nodded.
"You're being so brave Princess," Shawn encouraged as she clung to his hand.
"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" Connor asked from where he sat in the corner working, having left briefly while they were at radiology and then returned, wanting to be here for support. Something which Shawn was grateful for.
...
An hour later and they were officially off shift, but  had all taken up residency in Auburn's room,  wanting to keep an eye on her, as she was a part of the family. They all sat quietly doing paper work,  as she rested, fast asleep now that we have deemed it safe.
"How are you feeling Shawn?" Brian asked, looking up to find Shawn watching her.
"I don't know, I have never felt so many emotions in one day!" he laughed, before Auburn broke the silence with a small moan.
" I'm cold," she mumbled,  "And sore," she added, visibly shivering.
"Here,  budge up." Shane spoke, helping her to move over,  before getting into the small bed again.
Connor got up to adjust the pain meds and check her vitals. However she didn't settle.  "What's wrong Poppet?" Shawn asked. Sometimes the meds could make patients a little agitated.
"I want to have a bath,  I feel gross,  and you smell different. " she grumbled,  her nose wrinkling. Shawn looked up at Connor and Brian,all laughing.
"How much of the stuff did you give her?
"
"I'm serious." she pouted, swotting Shawn's shoulder. "I don't like the smell of the scrubs. It doesn't smell like you."
"How 'bout this?" he asked bending down to reach for his bag, and grabbing a hoodie.
"Much better," she spoke,  nuzzling her head into him.
"Now I'll help give you a pat down with a cloth if you want?" he offered. You can't really have a proper bath yet cause of all the wiring and your cast."
She nodded
"Just sit up slowly okay. You might feel a little dizzy." Brian warned, standing up to help too.
  Connor went ahead to start the water for her while Dave came to help move the wiring as they supported her to hop to the bathroom. Eventually Shawn just picked her up,being extra careful of her ribs, holding her under her shoulders instead,and cradling her somewhat like an infant.
Half hour later, and Shawn had successful sponge bathed her, the rest of the group having gone back to their work while they waited.
"Get some rest Princess,you've got a little piece of art growing in there, you and Jellybean need it, he whispered as he placed her back in bed, rubbing her stomach softly.
"Love you," she whispered, already half asleep.
"Love you more," he replied kissing her head, they all shared a smile, because at that moment, all was right with the world.
49 notes · View notes
Text
A Little Piece of Art
Tumblr media
The art gallery had always been one of Shawn's favourite places, he loved the colours, the textures, even the smell of the freshly painted canvases.
During his residency year of Emergency Medicine this love, had become something more, something sacred. His weekly visits to the local art galleries were the only chance he got to 'just be'. He found something so comforting in the way the colours melded together forming any number of unique patterns, the colours quietly, but boldly expressing the many emotions with fuelled the artist's work.
Maybe it was this that he connected with the most? Life as a medical resident was hectic, always ruled, by other people's, needs, wants, emotions, there never seemed to be time to address your own wants and needs. But time, at the art gallery, Shawn found, gave him an escape, a way to wonder off into a world of bright unchecked colour and vibrancy, away from the harsh unrelenting realities of people's all too often life-threatening and life-changing injuries, away from everything an everyone. Well everyone except one person that was.
He'd first met Auburn three years ago, it was a chance encounter, he wasn't meant to walk into that particular little gallery , and she wasn't meant to working that day, but as fate had it she was and he did.
They'd striked up a friendship fairly quickly, a mutual interest and respect for the works of art and the artist's behind them fuelled many hours of conversation. There had always been an unspoken, but undeniable chemistry between the two of them, but Shawn was busy with work and didn't want to drag someone else into that mess, and Auburn was just too shy to ask
When Shawn found out that Auburn was single, he was shocked. She was gorgeous, with long platinum blonde straight hair and the perfect figure, yet up close she had just the right amount of freckles scattered over the bridge of her nose, breaking the facade of perfection.
Auburn had been equally as confused when Shawn admitted that he too was single. She could understand the reasoning behind it, with a busy job and other commitments including a family that lived out of state, she couldn't however get over, but Shawn was gorgeous like some Greek God doctor-model who had just made his way from the runway and into her gallery. He was tall and lean, but muscular with tattoos scattering his hands and arms, deep brown eyes which seemed to reach your soul with the barest glace and a mop of perfectly kept brown curls- always tamed by hair product which Auburn longed to run her fingers through.
Two years and much flirting later and Shawn had finally gotten up the courage to ask her out l, to which she immediately agreed. He'd taken her to one of his favourite restaurants for dinner and they're talked for hours as if they'd known one another for a lifetime. Shawn told her about his hobbies, medicine was number one for which Auburn admired him for following his passions, closely followed by the guitar and ice hockey, not to mention family, he loved his family, Auburn found this to be an immediate turn-on as she too was close to her family although she couldn't get to see them as often as she liked l, they were across country and an art gallerist's wages certainly did not cover the cost of the ticket.
She found herself telling him all her most embarrassing stories from grade school when she's tripped and fallen into a muddy puddle bigger than she was in front of her entire class, and all about the time she'd been left to sit outside the movie theatre in 8th grade for two hours waiting for a date that would never show.
Shawn was furious at this, exclaiming that he would never do that to a girl, and anyone who would, was a coward, before downing the rest of his Tequila.
Admittedly by then they were both a little drunk and high on life and the presence of each other
When the evening ended Shawn walked Auburn home like the gentleman he was,turning to leave her and she made it to the doorstep, but something in him made him turn around causing him to crash into her body with the force of a truck as she too made her way to him. The two sharing a heated kiss before Auburn turned head down to hide the raging blush and wide smile that lit up her face and made her way inside.
From that moment the two had been inseperable, with Auburn moving into Shawn's condo- a far cry from the crusty old place she'd rented when she first got the city.
They'd done the whole meeting each other's families, both feeling completely at home and welcome, before a year later getting the happy news that they were expecting.
Auburn had been feeling off for over a week when Shawn finally convinced her to go to the doctors and get a blood drawn, a million things flying through his head as to what it might be.
The pregnancy news had completely shocked them both, but as they had sat there together staring down at the piece of paper stating the cause of all her sickness, irritability and hunger there was no denying that it was right.
They were over the moon, elated at the idea of being parents with Shawn referring to the baby as he laid his hands on her stomach as "Their happy little ancient!"
To say that Shawn was protective was an understatement a helicopter parent (to be) might be more apt Auburn thought as Shawn handed her what fleet like her tens of pills as she ate her breakfast before rushing from the room only half dressed to finish getting ready for work which now that he was finished residency (and at the top of his class, which Auburn loved to brag to her friends about) was a local hospital where he was working.
...
The day started normally, Auburn went off to the gallery to start her day l, daydreaming of seeing Shawn who'd been away on training for the last little bit.
Somewhere in this perfect daydream, everything came crashing down. The last thing Auburn was aware of was the screech of tyres and the immense, unstoppable feeling of pain.
...
"Dr Craigen,we need you in triage one." Brian's nurse Amy spoke as she came skidding into the room.
"Can it wait?"  He asked looking up briefly from the hand of a young girl he was suturing after she was bitten by a dog.
"No, it can't." He could hear the tension in her voice,  so he stood removing his gloves,  and paging another doctor to take care of the girl before following her out.
"What is it? Who?"  He asked as Amy all but ran through the corridor. His question was cut short as they reached the bay in question.
"Just stay still! For God sake, you don't have a choice." He couldn't see the patient's face from outside the door,  but he could see that two nurses and an intern were currently trying to restrain her,  against her will.
"What on earth do you think youre doing Doctor Tanaran?"  Brian asked as he grabbed a pair of gloves and stepped into the room. The intern stepped back from the patient, turning to look at him.
"We need to get an I.V. in her,  but she's not cooperating," he responded as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Brian?" The person on the bed asked. He recognised the voice immediately and sure enough as he stepped around to the other side of the bed,  there lay Auburn  a close personal friend, someone who he considered to be like a sister, and the girlfriend of one of his best friends, Dr. Shawn Mendes.
She was almost unrecognisable, bloodied,  and bruised,  tears flooding her face and falling into the linen of the bed staining it a muddy brown as they mixed with the blood flowing from a nasty looking gash on her head,  an oxygen mask laying forgotten beside her.
"Auburn?" he asked finally making eye contact, before looking up to find that she had not even been attached to any monitors yet.
"Everyone get your hands off the patient, now."  he stared poignantly at the intern that who still had his hands on her.
"She just wouldn't cooperate." he grumbled as he stepped back.
Brian saw red at that, turning to glare before speaking.
"Have you thought about why the patient might be uncooperative?  Have you even bothered to ask?"  I questioned folding my arms across my chest.
He looked down at the floor,  but didn't answer. "Didn't think so.  So not only have you terrified an already distressed patient,  but you've assaulted the girlfriend of Dr. Shawn Mendes,  head of this ER."
His head snapped up at this,  a look of shear panic on his face.
"Dr. Craigen I didn't think-"
"That's right,"  he interrupted.  "The same way you haven't thought the three other times I've had to speak to you over the duration of your time here so far.
Get out of this room,  and go and tell your resident that I don't want you on my service anymore.  Oh and Tanaran," Brian called as the man made his way for the exit.  "If I ever see or hear you do something like that ever again,  I will personally make sure you're pulled from this program."
He sighed and turned around to see Auburn smiling softly.
"Thanks Bri"  she spoke softly, very dazed,reaching her hand out for him to take. Somewhat restricted by the board and collar she had been placed on for spinal management.
"No problem hon. He's got an attitude that one.
So I'm just going to start slowly okay.  I'm just going to hook you up to some monitors so that we can check you're heart rate, blood pressure and oxygen. Can I see the chart please? " he asked one of the nurses that was stood meekly in the corner.
"Yes Doctor," she responded before leaving and returning a minute later with the relevant information.
"Okay so it says here,  that apart from that gash on your forehead and a fracture to your arm you have  some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated ankle as well as possible spinal injuries," he listed off as he took in the notes from the Emergency Services.
"They only got half way through checking her." the other nurse  responded. Brian nodded, before placing the chart in the holder at the end of the bed,  and returning to Auburn's side. He picked up her hand gently to check her pulse,  watching as her eyes fluttered,  drooping slightly.
"Auburn, I need you to try and stay awake for me," he spoke, tapping her check softly, moving to check her focal response with his pen light and finding that she had a fairly moderate concussion.
She let out a small groan,  but managed to open her eyes, watching me tiredly.
"That's it," he praised. " smiling before grabbing his stethoscope from around his neck and resting it to her chest.
"Deep breathes," he asked quietly. She did as asked, but it was obvious from the way she was wincing every time she inhaled that she was in pain.
"It hurts and I want Shawn." she cried.
"I know you do hon. We'll get him here soon," he promised, paging one of his nurses to go and find him.
"How bad is your pain one to ten?' he asked,  watching her closely.
"Eight " she answered.
"Okay I'm going to help ease some of that okay. " he spoke resting the I.V.tray that the previous doctor had set up next to the bed.
"Tell me what you remember? " he asked, trying to keep her talking.
"I was just crossing the street,  and a car came out of nowhere. I don't know what happend. I was coming to see Shawn." she added.
"I'm sorry Auburn. " He really did feel sorry for her,  not only as a doctor, but as a friend.  She and Shawn had barely gotten to see one another the last few weeks, and now this. 
"They didn't even stop to help me! " She cried, more tears trailing down her face. He felt so sorry for her, and sick at the thought of how Shawn might react. He just hoped Shawn was able to stay calm,  for both of their sakes.
"Small scratch." he warned, inserting the line, and getting her started on some much needed fluids and pain relief. She flinched a little,  but didn't pull away. "Okay, so I'm going to get Dave to come and  help me with a spinal exam,  and he should also be able to determine if we need x-rays for these breaks okay" he explained gently,trying not to scare her.
She looked worried at the mention of x-rays,  but he just assumed it was due to her being clastrophobic,  as she didn't say anymore on the subject.
He walked out of the room, quietly closing the door after me, and made my way to the nurses station where I found Dave helping a nurse. As an Orthopedic doctor he was often called down for consults, so it was common to find him here.
"Dave, do you mind helping me for a second mate?" he asked, before coming to stand next to him waiting as he finished his conversation.
"Yeah what is it?" he asked as Brian handed him Auburn's chart.
"Auburn?" He asked disbelief clear in his tone,  eyebrows raised in confusion. "Auburn as in Shawn's Auburn.What happend?
"
"Hit and run." he answered. Causing Dave to wince in sympathy. "They didn't even stop!"
"Has anyone gotten a hold of Shawn?" He asked, shaking his head as they made their way to the door of Auburn's room.
"Yeah, but she's quite distressed obviously,  so I'm just taking it really slowly. At least until Shawn gets here, unless something is absolutely vital," he told him. Dave nodded before opening the door, and greeting Auburn with a bright smile.
"Hi Auburn, Bri told me you got in a fight with a car?" He asked, causing her to smile faintly.
"What have we got so far?" he asked.
"Large laceration on the forehead and a fracture to the left  arm, some fractured ribs, a suspected bruised spleen and a dislocated right ankle as well as possible spinal injuries, she is also complaining of chest pain." Brian added as he hummed at the growing list of ailments.
"Auburn are you having any trouble breathing? " he asked, she nodded letting him listen to her breathing as Brian had. The room was quiet for a few moments except for the beeping of the machines as he moved the stethoscope around her chest, before stepping back with a sigh.
"Slightly muffled left side," he agreed, glancing to the monitors,  a look of concern on his face.
"It'll need to get an x-ray,  and maybe an ultrasound." Brian nodded, adding,
"I'd also like to get some CTs of the head just to be sure there is no underlying bleeding. Is it okay if we give you some oxygen?" he asked wanting to up her saturation, especially given her breathing troubles.
She made a small jerk of the head in the affirmative,  allowing him to place the mask that had lay beside her back on her face.
"Any other pain?" Dave asked lifting the blanket to assess the damage to her lower extremities, she took a few shaky breaths.
"Just my ankle."
" Okay,we just need to turn you and have a feel of your spine. Before we do, anything else, as we don't want to aggregate anything." Dave explained coming back to stand at the head of the bed. "All you need to tell me is if you feel anything sore."
She hummed in resonse,  unable to nod due to the collar.
"On three, one,two,three. " Brian spoke before rolling her and holding her steady.
"Any tenderness?" Dave asked as he made his way down her spine, gently feeling for abnormalities.
"No." she answered innnediately.
"Wiggled your toes for me?" he asked as he went to stand by the end of the bed again. She did so,  causing them both to breathe a sigh of relief.
Five minutes later and Dave l had decided that x- rays were necessary, due to the precarious nature of the fractures in her arm and ankle and that the fractured ribs did need further investigation, however that no spinal damage had been done,  meaning she could be removed from the collar and brace.
"Where's Shawn?"  She asked, again as they went about removing the neck brace. Brian was starting to wonder what was taking the nurse so long himself.
-Shawn-
I hadn't been able to focus all day, it was my first day back after being away at a two week trauma conference,and also the first time I would be able to see Auburn and the baby since she was meeting me at work. I sighed as I tried yet again to focus on the swirling numbers of the department's budget on the screen in front of me.
My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock.  "Dr. Mendes you're needed down in triage. Urgently." A nurse spoke,making me stand and follow her immediately.
-Third Person-
"He's on his way now hon, but we really should get you up to x-rays okay." Dave spoke, going to start moving the bed.
"Not not until Shawn is here," she begged, catching his hand and stopping him. Seconds later, and Shawn ran through the door, eyes wide as he took in the site of me.
"Auburn, baby,what happend?" he asked, leaning down and gently stroking her head, careful of the cut.
"They didn't stop!A car!" She cried a fresh batch of tears starting.
Shawn was pretty calm considering the situation, Auburn however was not, Brian could see from the monitor that her heart rate was spiking and he tipped his head to Shawn, indicating for him to do something.
"Try and slow your breathing honey," he encouraged softly as it spiked to about 130 when it had previously been sitting about 110. She managed to slow it a little, Shawn not saying anything,  merely cupping her face gently and kissing her head.
"Shawn, " Daves spoke,  "we really need to get her to x-ray. She has broken ribs, we need to determine how bad."
"No, no x-ray," she interrupted again.
"Sweetheart, you'll be fine,  I promise. " he spoke,  stroking her hand softly.
"It's not that." She answered, looking away.
"Then what?" Dave asked looking to Shawn.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered. "We found out two weeks ago. We wanted to keep it a surprise."
"Someone get Connor down here," Shawn ordered almost too calmly.
Dave and Brian shared a worried look, if she was pregnant,  there was a possibility that something may have effected the baby.
"Page Connor." Dave mumbled to Brian.
"I've already done it ,he's on his way." Briam tried to reassure him, hoping that he would calm a little at the fact that the best ObGyn was going to be consulting.
"No what if something's wrong? " Auburnpanicked,  catching on.
"Auburn you need the ultrasound," Shawn spoke firmly.
Her lip wobbled a little causing Shawn to soften his tone a little.  "I'm sorry babe,  I'm just worried about you. And you need the x-rays," he added.
"Auburn, you need to understand that while normally we wouldn't use x-ray, in this instance it's important,  we won't have a healthy baby,  unless it's mummy is healthy too yeah? " Dave explained gently.
  "O-okay," she agreed reluctantly.
"I think we can however forgo the CT, given that you've been alert the whole time. " Brian spoke earning a smile from her.
"But you won't be allowed to sleep for the next few hours and even once you can we'll need to wake you every hour, on the hour," Dave warned.
Just as we were about to start moving up to radiology having unhooked the bed Connor arrived.
"Sorry I came down as fast as I could," he apologised "Hi Auburn," he smiled as he came over to the side of the bed.
"So you found out you were pregnant two weeks ago?" he asked. She nodded.  "And everything has been normal so far? No bleeding?
"
"No." She answered, nervously, causing Shawn to squeeze her hand a little.
"Okay then, I'm just going to pull your gown up."  he did so before reaching for the gel. That was housed next to the portable ultrasound machine that we always kept in the triage bays. They were smaller, and less powerful, but still useful in situations like this. "This will be a little cold," he spoke before placing the gel on her stomach. The room was silent, everyone waiting with baited breath, Auburn with her eyes shut. Connor hit a button on the machine and the room was filled with a rhythmic thumping.
"What's that?" her eyes snapping open to met his.
"Congratulations Auburn, that is your baby's heart beat. Junior seems very happy,  very strong heart rate at 150 beats per minute." Connor smiled. 
" Oh my God!" she cried reaching up to hug Shawn,  before sharing a kiss.
"Judging by the size, bubby's just gone 12 weeks," Connor added, pointing out the measurements on the screen.
Everyone's faces were the same- all smiling from ear to ear.
"Do you want a copy of the scan?" Connor asked.
"Hell yeah!" Shawn agreed making Leah laugh. "This is going on the fridge."
Twenty minutes later, and we had all gone down to radiology, Shawn not having left her side. A permanent smile etched on his face.
"Just stay still for me Auburn." Dave asked,adjusting her leg to get the right image.
Once that was done, and it was determined that nothing needed surgery she was taken back up to a more private room, and Dave set about casting her.
"This will feel a little funny, but it won't hurt now." He reassured her as she became a little fidgety,  giving her some laughing gas and upping her pain meds slightly.
It was then Brian's turn to stitch up the wounds on her head, something which should have been very straight forward, but she was terrified,  having all but jumped (or gotten as far,which wasn't very) into Shawn's arms.
"It won't hurt Princess, Brian will numb you up good okay?" he spoke, sitting next to her, while Brian sat on a rolly chair by her head, Dave next to Shawn.
"Ready?"
She nodded.
"You're being so brave Princess," Shawn encouraged as she clung to his hand.
"Have you thought of any names for the baby?" Connor asked from where he sat in the corner working, having left briefly while they were at radiology and then returned, wanting to be here for support. Something which Shawn was grateful for.
...
An hour later and they were officially off shift, but  had all taken up residency in Auburn's room,  wanting to keep an eye on her, as she was a part of the family. They all sat quietly doing paper work,  as she rested, fast asleep now that we have deemed it safe.
"How are you feeling Shawn?" Brian asked, looking up to find Shawn watching her.
"I don't know, I have never felt so many emotions in one day!" he laughed, before Auburn broke the silence with a small moan.
" I'm cold," she mumbled,  "And sore," she added, visibly shivering.
"Here,  budge up." Shane spoke, helping her to move over,  before getting into the small bed again.
Connor got up to adjust the pain meds and check her vitals. However she didn't settle.  "What's wrong Poppet?" Shawn asked. Sometimes the meds could make patients a little agitated.
"I want to have a bath,  I feel gross,  and you smell different. " she grumbled,  her nose wrinkling. Shawn looked up at Connor and Brian,all laughing.
"How much of the stuff did you give her?
"
"I'm serious." she pouted, swotting Shawn's shoulder. "I don't like the smell of the scrubs. It doesn't smell like you."
"How 'bout this?" he asked bending down to reach for his bag, and grabbing a hoodie.
"Much better," she spoke,  nuzzling her head into him.
"Now I'll help give you a pat down with a cloth if you want?" he offered. You can't really have a proper bath yet cause of all the wiring and your cast."
She nodded
"Just sit up slowly okay. You might feel a little dizzy." Brian warned, standing up to help too.
  Connor went ahead to start the water for her while Dave came to help move the wiring as they supported her to hop to the bathroom. Eventually Shawn just picked her up,being extra careful of her ribs, holding her under her shoulders instead,and cradling her somewhat like an infant.
Half hour later, and Shawn had successful sponge bathed her, the rest of the group having gone back to their work while they waited.
"Get some rest Princess, you've got a little piece of art growing in there, you and Jellybean need it," he whispered as he placed her back in bed, rubbing her stomach softly.
"Love you," she whispered, already half asleep.
"Love you more," he replied kissing her head, they all shared a smile, because at that moment, all was right with the world.
4 notes · View notes
saltine-kakyoin · 4 years
Note
OH SHIT!!!! my clown ass never saw that u rb'd those ask posts, i was Looking at my notifs to see if u would so i could send u some but SOMEHOW I MISSED IT??? clown hours.... ANyways for the emoji one have 🤗💙💘🍀😇 and 👍 (tried to not do repeats from your ask 2 me cause they all apply anyways but, Regardless) and for the questions post, maybe 5, 11, 12, 17, 20, 23 and 25? ;__;/ ily so much and i hope u have a rlly lovely night!!! and that this coming week is kinder 2 u!!!! 💖💖💖💖
ahhh, it’s no worries!!! idk about you but for me, tumblr has been having the Time of Its LIFE lately wrt notifications and most disconcertingly, unfollowing people! D: so i completely get it, it’s no worries!!! ;w;/ i already know for a Fact i’m going to write so so much, so i’m gonna put this under a readmore >w< ruth 🤝 sarah respectful lesbian moments
edit: so I finished writing it and it’s Insanely Long- just in case you don’t make it to the bottom, thank you mein broth-er!!!! ; O; i hope you have a wonderful night too!! writing all of this out made me reminisce on some really nice times, and I’m having an a1 night! ^^ ilysm! it’ll probably be daytime when you read this, so i hope you have a great day! <3
🤗 given the chance I would gladly hug you
on god!!!! ;___; i think i would frfr dissolve if a got a Ruth-Certified hug, things have been so overwhelming lately
💙 you are my closest friend
the feeling is mutual!! <3 we don’t always get to talk often, but fhdhshg when we do we talk about like All of the Madness in Sarah’s Mind^tm, and you are so patient + tolerant of my incoherent ramblings which is something i don’t think i’ve ever fully experienced? anyhow, after a year (more than a year?) of having these kinds of convos and going through the general madness of life together, I totally agree ;w;
💘 I love you so much
i love you too!!! so so much!!! 💃🕺 i don’t think words will ever be able to express how much i love and appreciate you! 💜💛
🍀 i’m lucky to have met you
i know we talk about this often, but seriously i feel the same way! it’s a little crazy that we met, technically, because Joseph Joestar tm deserved more than to be a cheater... there is something hilarious about this wild friendship rooting from him!! of all jojos!! 🤢 but i’m so grateful that we met, it’s been such a wonderful ride ;w; <3
😇 you’re a sweet cinnamon bun
🥺🥺🥺🥺 bro i- fhdhghdhgh thank you!!! ;o;
👍 you are fun to be around
ahhh, thank you!!! i am glad you feel this way bc whoo boy, i think some other people would look at the madness i tell you about and go 👁️👁️ that’s a no for me, luvs. remember last year when i was losing it tryna prepare for ren faire + i cut my palm on that one glass bottle? bc a- i barely do and b- i feel like that moment encapsulates the nicki minaj roman holiday-ness of my life XD i’m really grateful you’ve stuck around through it all 🤗💕💖
now buckle in bro!!!! the essays are incoming!!!
5. Name a movie that makes you genuinely laugh.
i swear on my life the Mortal Kombat movie from 1995 is a national treasure, it is SUCH a solid movie and has so many funny moments. Robin Shou makes such a 🥺🥺 Liu Kang, and jesus fuck he can be so savage when the script calls for it!! there’s one part where he takes Johnny Cage’s luggage and straight up fucking chucks it into the ocean + then bullies him about it later! honestly the Ballad of Johnny Cage and His Luggage is one of my favorite parts from the movie <3 if you haven’t seen it + you like cheesy, old school movies, i really recommend it!!!
11. Describe the memory of the last time you felt true happiness.
So I can’t remember the last time I did, bc my memory is horrifically terrible + probably getting worse as time goes on?? but i will tell you about one of the more recent times I remember! :D There is one crucial expository note for this memory- my brother-in-law makes THE best chili in the entire world. my brother and I were trying to recreate it because it’s such a simple but delicious + filling meal- I think this was our first time trying to create it? and it was SO chaotic, the tomato sauce and stuff kept popping and burning me and we weren’t 100% certain that we’d gathered the right ratios for the ingredients and it was just. madness lmao. Chance’s chili is one that you leave alone for multiple hours at a time (I think this is the case for all chili but i don’t cook often enough to know ;__;), and we were kinda 👀👀👀 because we weren’t sure it’d turn out right? But it did!!!! I vividly remember when it was finished and we taste-tested it + went oOOH FUCK! it wasn’t quite the same as chance’s but ohhh my god it was so good 🥰🥰🥰 but yeah!! we ate it all up and I think this was around the time I started my playthrough of Esteban for Dragon Age 2? which was one of my favorite playthroughs for the entire franchise... he’s just a simple ig beard model mage ;w; i wanted to show you what he looked like in this post but the formatting went wonky so ig i’ll just post him separately?? it’s 1000% in-character for him to infiltrate my jojo blog 😔
12. Name a song that makes you feel ethereal.
hm...I’d say it’s between Forget About or Feet of Clay! They’re both such light and tenderhearted songs, and when I listen to them I feel like I’m in an apartment kitchen slow-dancing with a love, and it’s so dark except for the slowly rising sun. I don’t know if that feeling could be described as ethereal? but it’s close enough for me
17. What is something you own that is important to you? What makes it so important?
I have a small collection of scripts from the shows I’ve been in, and two of the most important ones are from the plays my high school put on during my sophomore and junior years, The Nit-Wits and The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940, respectively! The Nit-Wits has a ton of sentimental value to me because it was the last show I genuinely acted in, and it was a show we had to pull together in 2 or 3 weeks!! We were originally going to do a murder mystery play for the fall, but none of the cast was feeling it and it just wasn’t going to come to life in time (honestly this speaks volumes for how much we weren’t vibing with it, because all of our shows came together at like.. the final dress rehearsals if not opening night lmao). I vividly remember we took a vote during rehearsals about whether or not to switch the show, and then we did and it was SO fun + chaotic!! My character was one of the only regular characters in the show, but I think everyone else had a lot of fun acting as actors who were hired to be maniacal, and that made acting off of them so fun! I remember there was also a night my friend Adonis almost tore the entire set down because he ran through a door and tripped over a set brace in his haste!! The Nit-Wits is hugely important because it was a really fresh acting experience for me, and again, my last time genuinely on the stage and not behind the scenes!
MCM is important to me because it was the first play I ever stage managed! I’d stage managed our musical the spring prior, but that was a huge undertaking and involved many different people and moving parts. Stage managing a play, at least at my high school, was a calmer and more intimate experience, and one I really enjoyed! Another huge reason I treasure MCM’s script is because it is one of the last shows I had with my friend I told you about- he was a senior. I have little notes and doodles from the cast and crew scattered throughout my book for this show, and I remember being so irritated by this because it meant I was losing space for stage directions, cues, and notes. Now, I’m super grateful to have these scribbles- it’s one of the only things I have left of him. 
On that note, relating to him, MCM is also the show which birthed my most horrific theater horror story!! During one of the performances, I guess he forgot his line?? idk. But he ended up jumping six pages ahead of where the current scene was (I knew this bc I was following along in my book backstage + was frantically trying to figure out where he’d gone), which threw the entire cast, who were all tragically onstage, way off-track. This resulted in the most frightening game of script ping-pong I’ve ever seen: he’d skipped six pages ahead, so Adonis ended up saying a line from two pages after the six-page skip, and somehow someone else went!! oh I have a response to that line! And then said something like 9 pages back! I think the lead actress tried to ground everyone back to the lines they were supposed to be saying, but she ended up just saying a lot of their lines? And one of those lines that was supposed to be said by someone else was supposed to cue a black-out that someone got murdered in, but my lighting techie was SO fucking lost (we were both huddled over the script next to the breaker trying to figure out WHERE the hell we were! i think i had a flashlight in my mouth so I could flip through the book with both hands and thus faster??), so ofc the lights stayed up! I remember getting through this scene being the most painstaking endeavor of my entire life, but thankfully intermission was right after it! We actually extended intermission because the cast needed a hot second to fuckign RESET for Act 2 bc sweet jesus that was so bizarre...Needless to say, after that show we never messed that scene up again + everyone who acted in the show became super anal about knowing their lines as the years went on. The Six Page Skip became a legendary part of our hs theater Canon (like biblical canon ;w; although I don’t think anyone’s talked about it since my class graduated) alongside the times one of our ensemble dudes had to break through the roof of the girl’s dressing room to retrieve the keys to the theater + i got stuck on stage!
20. What’s the sweetest thing someone has done for you?
I really had to wrack my brain to answer this one, as I’m generally not the person people do things for, you know? This answer goes wayyy back, to 8th grade :O but so! there is mild exposition for this- when I started middle school, I lived in North Carolina, but we moved to Florida right before 7th grade bc my grandma is ill. We lived with my uncle while we were looking for a house, so I went to the local middle school bc why wouldn’t I? but in November, we finally found a house + my mom was like....So... are you going to switch schools or...I’d struck up some really solid friendships in this time, so i was like Mom I’d Rather Die OAO. So, we struck up a deal that I’d get to stay at that school on a zone waiver + that she’d drive me to school everyday. Sometime closer to the end of eighth grade she was like, yeah so.. I can’t do this for high school, it’s too much gas- which was valid! I was really sad about it, but I sucked it up.
Anyhow, fast forward to the last day of eighth grade, which was perhaps the saddest day I’d lived up until that point, mostly bc I knew I was probably never going to see all my friends again. My best friend, who I was like hardcore v close to + the person I shared all my wacky AUs and OC’s and headcanons with, was waiting with me for my mom to come pick me up, and then!!! When my mom pulled into the school she suddenly whipped out this lengthy letter she’d written to me about how much she enjoyed my friendship and how grateful she was that we were able to have lunch together (lunch was.. tragically ;__; the only time we really saw each other that year), and that she would never forget me! And she’d drawn me a ton of fanart from all the things I was obsessed with back then!! it was so much so fast, but then my mom was yelling at me to get in the car and I had to go :(
We kept in touch through email freshman year + fake-dated bc a senior was stalking me? ;J; and then we went to Megacon together! but I became really heavily involved in choir and theater after that, and we just kind of drifted apart :( we do follow each other on ig tho! It’s insane to think about her and that letter because on GOD ruth, that was a thinly veiled love letter and I never like... wrote her anything back that was as worthy as what she wrote me. But, she’s doing really well in uni now, so I guess it’s all okay? idk! ; o ;
23. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you think you fit the general characteristics of that sign?
I’m a Cancer!! and also a metal dragon by the Chinese Zodiac, which I’ve always thought was pretty sick! :3 I am 10000% your stereotypical Cancer, super emotional and introspective + often prone to tears ;u; My mom always said that dragons are steadfast and loyal people, and I think this also applies to me, to a fault. I checked around some websites to see what characteristics were often applied to metal dragons specifically, and it seems they are pretty strong-willed, ambitious, and generous? I don’t know if you could call me strong-willed or ambitious, but it’s all good ig.
25. What’s a song that gives off good vibes anytime you listen to it?
Ohh man, I went in on this question for Shannon, but bc I was digging around my library for Jules, I actually found an old fave! This song is from one of my all-time favorite musicals, Once on This Island- it’s The Human Heart! This song is so sweet, and god between the writing for the orchestra + the writing for the ensemble, this song is a straight masterpiece <3 I love love love the line, “Through your love you’ll live forever”, and although I am Hardcore Terrified of getting a tattoo, I really want that line tattooed on my body. if you have time, I recommend giving Once on This Island a listen!! I’ve never heard a show that uses its instruments and singers the way OoTI does (and holy FUCK it is so breathtaking live!!! I got to see it on Broadway and bro.... 🥺🥺 it was transcendental..)
1 note · View note
paraphernaliawagon · 4 years
Text
diary for 5/12/20
remembering the awful “novel” i tried to write when i was 12 (by hand in a notebook. i wrote one page every day. writing was easy back then because i was completely convinced everything i wrote was brilliant. whereas now writing is very hard because i’m completely convinced everything i write is shit)
the plot was... so, there’s a planet where a species of deer men and a species of deer women live alongside each other. everyone of both species are actually genderless though. heroine is a deer alien waitress. the first chapter is most beautiful deer woman on the deer people planet is a customer one day and the waitress is in Love At First Sight with her and is surprised and elated when the hot deer person leaves her her phone number on a napkin. basically it’s like that one mary lambert music video except they’ve got antlers. but that song wasn’t around yet. and they’re aliens so i called her phone number her “Line number”. so, like, a crew of human explorers (that are apparently mostly men cuz like i just assumed space explorers had to be mostly men. as a kid i exclusively read and watched classic sf from before 1970 but that’s probably just a total coincidence). and one douchebag human is like “i am homophobic and therefore i am now also bigoted against deer aliens cuz i’m too dumb to understand that this is Not Actually Gay, just allegorical alien gay which is not the same thing”. but the captain’s like “no. you’re a douchebag. I am gay and i’m having you court-martialed.” also the captain had a Japanese-sounding name that i made up because back then i somehow thought that was a totally ok thing to do.
needless to say my principal creative influence was star trek. also “decision at doona” by anne mccaffrey. which i no longer remember a single thing about the plot of even though i did a book report about it in 6th grade.
speaking of middle school book reports in 8th grade i did a pretty major one on octavia butler. it was actually just an excuse to read her books during in-class worktime instead of working. and then my english teacher’s like “oh did you hear octavia butler just died? here’s her obituary. put it in your presentation.” and then i felt so guilty about not working very hard at my crappy presentation because i didn’t know the pressure would be on me to properly honor her memory in front of all my classmates who probably don’t give a shit about anything i say. (and also there was possibly some white guilt because i felt like maybe i had partially caused her death by thinking about her. yes i know that’s a completely fucking irrational thing to think)
i read “parable of the sower” during the school trip to the Ashland Shakespeare Festival. we stayed in a motel where i had to share a room with three girls (a gender i believed myself to belong to at the time). they got the motel staff to bring an extra cot so none of them would have to share a bed with me. i exposed myself to them while walking to the shower because at home i walked to and from the shower naked and my parents didn’t mind i so thought it was a normal thing that people just do when they share a shower. i learned within a few seconds that actually it’s not normal and is a horrible creepy pervert thing to do. and then i felt horrible guilt and shame for the rest of my life even though i had completely repressed this memory for a long time and not even remembered this happened. and then the next day everyone acted like it had never happened but then they got really mad at me for wanting to watch star trek because they wanted to watch gilmore girls. how the fuck could i seriously not have known that wasn’t an ok thing to do? what the fuck is wrong with me? am i really THAT fucking autistic? the end
just remembered that paragraph was supposed to be about parable of the sower. sorry, i’m high again no surprise and i literally completely forget what i was writing about just a few minutes ago. anyway it’s a book that was really cool and exciting to read at that age because it’s literally about a girl inventing a new religion while travelling across post-apocalyptic america. don’t remember it very while. but i do remember reading a scene where the main character has a dream about floating (like in zero g) through her father’s house. or something similar to that anyway. i read that while lying in the cot that the girls got so they wouldn’t have to share a bed with me. it made me completely forget about my own life for a little while.
1 note · View note
lickmeleclerc · 6 years
Text
|Falling Short| H.H {Chapter 1}
Characters :Highschool!Harry Holland x Y/n (female reader)
Summary: Y/n & Harry were inseparable hence the verb were. Near the end of 8th year they started to drift apart, Now Senior year of high school they’ve completely been out of each other's lives for three years. This is a normal occurrence with friendships but not so much for two people who have been best friends since the age of two and happen to live next door to each other. What event can reunite them?
Playlist: Here
Warnings: ITS LONG AF RIP none yet, angst maybe ?
Tumblr media
Harry did the same thing on the first day of school every year. Late. He quickly brushes his teeth and runs a comb through his curly hair. Then throws on some joggers and a T-shirt before leaving to go pick up his girlfriend. Like he always does. As he exits his house he spots On walking to her car, still his neighbor and still aware of all the memories he’s had with her he finds it odd she’s only in shorts and a maroon top. In the past she’d call him the night before and talk for hours about what to wear before arriving at his house for their end of Summer sleepover. That night they’d compare schedules and goals for the upcoming year. That’s the past though. As she steps in her car his brown eyes land on a sizeable bruise on her calf and wonders what daredevilish stunt she was up to, to get that. It's a strange thought for him to know so much about someone but not call them a friend or even an acquaintance. With a quick glance he watchs Y/n pull away from the curb and in the direction of their high school. Maybe it’s the thought of senior year and he’s focussed on reminiscing but he can’t seem to shake Y/n from his mind this morning.
A loud honk blares from the left as Harry starts to pull from the shoulder of the road, he turns quickly as a car speeds past.
"Jackass!" The stranger yells with his middle finger up. Harry just rolls his eyes with a sigh and continues on with more caution to his girlfriend’s.
Y/n speeds to her high school her lead foot not failing her today. The music blares through the small speakers and a smile is on her face at the thought, this will be the last first day of school. Ever. And then her life can truly begin. She’s been pinning after a soccer scholarship since freshman year and to say she is good is an understatement. It’s not a fond memory to Harry but Y/n would kick his little seven year old ass at soccer in her backyard when they were kids. She’d have to bring him a popsicle and apologize for gloating to cheer him back up.
Harry’s brakes squeak as his silver hatchback comes to a halt in front of his girlfriend. She has arms crossed and a foot tapping the ground.
“You’re late.” She mumbles as she slams the door her long braided hair flips over her shoulder as she still holds a scowl. Harry only gives a sigh in response as he switches the gear back to drive. Julie sits up and cranks the radio as Blink-182s ‘I Miss You’ starts.
“What’s your schedule like babe?” He asks making conversation as the song ends. He glances at her from the corner of her eye and shes her opening her binder where he sees her laminated schedule with color coded highlights.
“First is chemistry.” She answers looking it over and making sure her binder is in order.
“Damn that's rough. I have english.” He continues speaking as he pulls into a parking space. Julie has always had more advanced classes than him, he met her when he needed a tutor freshman year and he considered himself lucky when she said yes to a first date.
 "Let's go see John and Kathy before the bell rings." She excitedly yells while getting out of the  car faster than her ever seen. Kathy and John are their couple. Like in The t.v series 'How I Met Your Mother' the episode where Lily and Marshall are trying to find a couple for them to be friends with and go on double dates with. John and Kathy are Harry and Julie’s couple. Julie and him hadn't been able to see them all summer long because their families took a three month long trip to the Caribbean islands. The instagram photos looked incredible and Julie gave Harry an earful over their ‘boring’ summer. Harry rolled his eyes when she showed him the photos, of course he’d love a vacation there but not for the five star hotels and swedish massages but for the sunsets the light blue ocean. He’d get the most memorable photographs.
"Kathy!" Julie exclaims as she spots the blonde in a pink summer dress seated at the usual lunch table they all occupied since they’ve become friends. Harry spots John and nods to him but not speeding his pace up to greet him. Before he reaches them his eyes land on movement behind him. Y/n is in the arms of Kyle Buchanan. He blames Kyle for the split and the changes he’d seen develop in her once they began their relationship. He can remember the day clearly just like Y/n’s 6th birthday.
“Hey Y/n meet my buddy Kyle, he’s in my film class.” Harry introduced the blonde haired blue eyed boy to his best friend. A blush crept onto her cheeks and her posture shifted, only Harry could pick up on it.
“Hey. Wow not to be forward but can I just say you’re beautiful. I’d love for you to be a model for me sometime.” As those words left Kyle’s mouth he could see Y/n swooning. And then Harry saw his true colors and he’d do anything to protect Y/n, he promised.
"Please stay away from him Y/n he's bad news." He begged as she sat on the edge of his bed anger and confusion written on her face.
"You set us up and now you want me to Break up with him?" her voice just under a yell.
"Please for me. He's gonna hurt you and I'm gonna have to pick up all the pieces!" He bursts hinting at the past. That set a flame off in Y/n leading to an explosion like the string to a firecracker.
"You're just jealous!" There's the first shout between them. A first fight even so.
"Me jealous of him dating you? Please." harry scoffs turning from looking out the window to glare at her. Why would he be jealous? What was Y/n implying?
“You think he's bad news and changing me? Just look at you! You've never treated me like this before!" The angry girl stands now.
"Yeah well people do change and at least I'm not changing cause I want someone's popularity status!"
"You know what Harry? I hate you!"
"The feelings mutual."
With that she stormed out of his house and that was the last time they had a full conversation  together
"Earth to Harry!" Julie giggles pulling him from his sad thoughts as she slides an arm through his crossed one and leans on his shoulder. A smile on her lips as she looks up at him through her lashes. He blinks rapidly and turns to face her, an unreadable expression on his face.
"Sorry. What'd I miss?" He laughs lightly excusing his loss of attention as he glances at Y/n once more. He eyes her as she giggles with Kyle and his friends. Julie and Kathy explain lunch plans.
Y/n feels the warmth of Kyle’s hands on her lower back as she faces him, they both are holding eye contact and laughing. She leans up and kisses the corner of his mouth and cheek.
“That was cute.” He laughs pulling her closer as she scrunches her nose up. The warning bell for the start of first breaks them apart and they go their separate ways to their proper classes.
Harry waltzes into his English class and takes a seat by the window. He spots a class running laps around the track and what looks like a few students skipping class as they sit by a tree on their phones. Writing along with photography is some of Harry’s biggest passions. He recalls when him and Y/n use to write their adventure stories along with the princess fantasies. He was prince Harry and Y/n obviously princess Y/n. That’s what built his love for writing, Y/n showing him the fun in it. As he turns from the window and glances around the classroom he spots some of his old classmates from last year and some of his buddies. As the bell rings a flash of red bolts into the room taking a seat in the back, but without seeing the face he knows who it is, Y/n.
"Happy first day class. I'm Mrs.Hall." The teacher introduces herself to the class. She’s a fairly older women with already set wrinkles on her forehead and she’s dressed like a librarian. A skirt below the ankle and a long sleeve with a dressy vest over it in all muted gray tones. Harry is starting to sense she’s not going to make english fun.
"I don't want any funny business in this classroom. Rule one; no phones or iPads this is an English class we're using pen and paper. Rule two; no gum chewing or talking while I'm talking. Rule three; when I do assign partners or make seating charts there is no exceptions or changes." The woman smiles but not a kind one, it was evil. Then adjusts her glasses on the bridge of her nose and grabs a clipboard off her desk. Harry’s feeling what definitely right about her. With a sigh he crosses his arms and leans against his desk.
"Let's get to work then, I'm not into 'get to know me games' on the first day of school, I'll get to know you by the work you turn in and you'll get to know me by how I grade and act towards you. Your first assignment of the year is a partner reading book report. Yes, I have already assigned partners." Mrs. Hill instructs as her beady eyes skim over the class sitting before her. She licks her thin lips then speaks again.
"When I call out you and your partners name please introduce yourselves and sit with them." She continues as she holds the clipboard up to read aloud.
"Stacy d. and Jack b."
"Luke w. and Luke m."
"Jane w. and Beckett o."
"Harry H. And Y/n Y/l/n."
After Harry and Y/n’s name was called out to be partners his jaw drops. He almost wants to laugh along with it, yes he’s seen many rom coms and he never thought he’d be in one of the biggest tropes of them. He was nervous though to turn around and face her.He also wasn’t ready to be partnered with her for at least a week doing a project together. He already knows what book she’ll choose, ‘Perks of Being a Wallflower.’ It’s been her favorite book for a long time, well as long as he can remember. Finally Harry forces himself to turn. Her facial expression mirrors his but once they make eye contact she collects her belongings and moves to the empty chair beside him.
"Hi I'm Y/n." She says pulling a fake smile at him but her dimple on her cheek still pokes out. Harry doesn’t know any better way to respond.
"Hey, I'm Harry." He replies and sticks his  hand out for her to shake going along with whatever crazy idea is in Y/n’s mind. As she grabs his hand and shakes it Harry feels comfortable by her touch. He holds a small smile on his face as they continue to shake hands, neither of them stopping it. Y/n starts to giggle and slowly pulls away.
"So I recommend we do the book 'Catcher and the rye' by J.D Salinger"  She suggests opening up to the first page in her notebook. For the second time in this class, Harry is in shock.
"I was thinking a more personal book like 'Perks of being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky." He interjects while grabbing a notebook from his bag that lays next to him on the floor. As he turns back to look at her she wears this look on her face, a small sprout of a smile playing on her lips, it  looks like she's reminiscing on a fond memory. Harry holds back a smug smirk, his quick thinking worked and a feeling of hope stirs in his mind.
A smile starts to grow on his face stares at her, she looks the same as when they were young but her features are so much more mature now. Her eyes still a mix of colors and at a time once Harry replied to the question,” What's your favorite color?” With “Y/n’s eyes.”. Her nose structure slightly different due to the baseball accident where Harry accidentally struck her with a baseball bat when they were ten, but that imperfection made her face so much more unique and beautiful. Her lips were a soft shade of red only because her favorite Chapstick is cherry kool-aid that always stains her lips. She never got braces like Harry did, But to Harry her crooked teeth add so much to her character.
"You remembered?" She softly speaks drawing him out of the trance of admiring her looks he found himself in.
"It's not something you forget easily when every sleepover we've ever had you made me watch the movie." He jokes. Y/n finds herself staring at his unique birthmark. The two hold their gazes maybe a moment too long before returning to the task at hand.
"Uhm. I think that's a great choice." She finally speaks looking away from her old friend and writing it down in her notebook. Harry copies her actions and his cheeks flush some from embarrassment at his hand writing or more likely, chicken scratch. His mind registers that him and Y/n just had a moment? Maybe his cheeks are flushed for a different reason.
Mrs.Hall comes around passing out a paper of the requirements and a list of questions that would need to be answered to complete the project after the book of our choice is chosen. She seemed found BY/n. Harry could tell but he wasn’t surprised by it. She’s very likeable.The bell rang dismissing everyone and Y/n didn’t even take time to say a goodbye she quickly left the room for her next class. Harry slowly packed his stuff and headed out his brown eyes searching for Y/n.
The next three of Harry’s classes were physics, calculus, and weight training. Thanks to Julie tutoring him he was actually catching on to what the syllabus said and understanding how the procedures in class would go. In weight training the ‘get to know me’ game was an intense game of tag. The teacher was very laid back and Harry was coming to the conclusion this would be his favorite class for the year. He caught his breath by leaning his hands on his knees as the bell rang and the teacher blew his whistle signalling the students back inside. He watched his shoes crunch down on the grass as the fall weather seemed to be coming too soon this year.
"Hey cutie." Harry smiles into Julie’s blonde hair as he shakes his arms around her middle. A giggle emits from her mouth as she leans into his chest. She smells like vanilla and Harry can't seem to get enough of it.
“Stop!” She giggles and squirms to get away from his puppy dog like sniffing. A wide smile breaks across his face at her actions and he finally lets her go. For the first time today Y/n is not on his mind.
"Ready for Panera?" She asks as our hands subconsciously interlock as we exit through the back side door in the direction of the parking lot.
"You know it." Harry answers as his eyes travel over her. The new short blonde hair she cut last week floated behind her back as a gust of wind came by and her dark blue eyes squinted in the sun. Harry could gasp at her beauty and he can't fathom how he got so lucky to be able to call Julie Fields his girlfriend.
"Why are you staring at me?" She furrowed her eyebrows and held up a hand to give her eyes a break from the Sun's bright rays.
"Because I have the right to stare at my beautiful girlfriend." Harry answered wittily and pulled her into a kiss. Heer smile forced them to pull apart. This time Julie was admiring his features and he could by the way her eyes raked across his face and fell back to his eyes.
"I love you." She softly speaks watching for his reaction. These three words aren’t a common occurrence between this couple. They save these words for intimate moments.
"I love you too." The boy in her arms answers and slides his thumbs into the belt loops of her denim shorts pulling her flush against his hips then moving his hands into her back pockets. Harry had to admit he is an ass guy. As their mouths connected again into a deeper kiss Harry couldn’t help but feel guilty for telling her he loved her. Can he love someone if he doesn’t even know what love is. He resolved in his mind to say he loves her because maybe he’ll figure it out with her.
"Gross get a room!" A voice yells directed toward the pair lip locking. Immediately they pulled apart from each other at the thought it was the principle but quickly ended up laughing as their eyes landed on John and Kathy.
"Let's hit it." John yelled as him and Kathy got closer to the car. Harry rolls his eyes at John for his childish antics as he unlocked his car.
Y/n spotted the scene between Harry and Julie through the fence that blocks the grassy area from the parking lot. A confused expression appears on her face she expected them to be broken up by now, Harry was never the best with relationships but maybe Julie had changed that for him. She turns back and faces the group around her and Kyle.His hand in on her bare thigh and she spost the bruise on her calf, she questions how that appeared but shrugs it off as a soccer injury.
“How’s soccer Y/n?” A friend asks after taking a bite of the schools famous lasagna. The only hot lunch option that is actually good.
“Good! I have tryouts after school today!” Y/n answers happily and leaning on Kyle’s side. He’s lost in conversation about wrestling with his guy friends. After the two became a couple Kyle didn’t attend film class as much as he use too, he became more of a jock. It almost bettered their relationship because they understand the dedication and effort it takes to be on a team. The weekly dates never suffered through. He turns to her and places a soft kiss on her forehead. Before they can lean in and fully kiss the bell rings ending lunch and leaving them a mere six minutes to get to class.
The Spanish four room is decked out. Posters of all the Spanish speaking countries plastered on the ugly white walls, flags of all the countries hanging from the ceiling. Making the classroom very vibrant with color. The desks were in groups of four and so far Harry’s eyes don’t spot anyone familiar. He chooses to sit at an unoccupied desk hoping a friend would walk through the door. He sets his half full soda on the corner of his desk and checks his phone before class starts. Chester enters with Emily trailing behind, he claps a hand on Harry’s shoulder as he sits beside him.
“How’s it going man?” He starts the conversation as Emily sits with them. His photography club friends are a good crowd if only Julie liked hanging out with them. Before Harry can answer Y/n quickly enters the room a bright smile on her face, he can only wonder if it’s about seeing him. She takes the last empty seat beside Emily and smiles at the table group.
"Y/n! Oh my god I haven't seen you in ages! How've you been?" Emily asks a huge smile on her face. Emily is always overly friendly and doesn’t like silence so she starts the conversation quite frequently.
"I'm great! How are you?" Y/n answers with the same smile she entered with. Harry answers Chesters question but still listens in on Emily and Y/n.
"Amazing!" Emily says back smacking her gum as she continues texting. Y/n decides thats the end of their conversation and turns her attention to the beanie wearing freckle faced boy across from her.
"Chester how've you been?" Y/n asks turning her face away from Emily to face her across from him.
“I’m good, thanks for asking." He smiles and gives her the nod. The 'nod' is what guys do when they're interested in a girl, doesn't he know she's taken? What a douche move. Harry’s thoughts run wild at their interaction, it causes him to shake his head trying to disperse the thought and Y/n all together from them. When his looks back up Y/n’s eyes flick away from him. She was watching him.
"Y/n, if there's any partner projects you're my partner." Chester says quickly as the teacher welcomes the class. Y/n shakes her head yes and smiles. Harry’s chest feels weird watching her smile, he can’t deny that he misses being the reason behind it.
"Hola me llamo señora Carlos. Trabajar con sus grupos para responder a estas preguntas." Señora Carlos got straight to work with the class as she instructed everyone to work with our groups to answer questions she brought up in a powerpoint. It was simple questions, like what we did this summer, what's are favorite color, are parents names, ect. As the class begins working Señora turns on some Spanish music that's quite catchy, HArry catches himself slightly moving to the beat and mouthing some of the words he can pick up on.. Y/n locks eyes with him and holds in a laugh, she’s mimicking his actions.  As the chorus rolls around again the two wildly lip sync together entertaining their group.
"I think you two need to do that for the talent show!" Senora Carlos claps toward us. She obviously watched the two ‘perform’ A blush casts itself over Y/n’s cheeks and Harry just laughed.
"No way!" Y/n objects with a shake of her head as she returns to her work.
"I don't know Y/n I think we'd win." Harry jokes nodding over dramatically. She shakes her head back and forth again signalling ‘no’  with a final laugh and her smile fading. Another moment ending too soon. The rest of class Y/n and Harry did not talk but Harry kept looking for ways to interact with her more. Before Harry could though Senora was dismissing everyone.
"Adios clase!" Señora Carlos smiles as everyone exits her class as the bell rings. She's so expressive in her hand motions and facial expressions which makes Harry stifle a chuckle as he walks past her.
"Hey Harry." A deep voice calls. The red head quickly side steps out of the way of the crowded hallway of students rushing to their next class and standby the drinking fountain. Kyle steps in front of him holding a smirk.
"Hey?” Harry responds more as a question rather than a friendly reply.
"How've you been? Haven't talked to you in years!" Kyle smiles and pats Harry on his bare arm. The sickly sweet tone of his voice is demeaning and Harry would love to  turn and walk away. He takes in how different the boy before him looks since freshman year. His hair is longer and even more shaggy, he's gotten taller too but still not taller than Harry himself, he is more muscular though Harry has to admit. And the fact Kyle has extremely white teeths has Harry feeling self conscious about his own..
"I've been good, how about you?" Harry ask making himself sound friendly. He always has been a lover not a fighter.
"Great! Y/n and I went to California this summer it was blast. What'd you do?" After he said that the curly haired boy understands why he's been stopped in the hall, not regain a friend but to get Y/n and their relationship rubbed in his face he still has Y/n. Not that Harry likes her or anything, but that he doesn’t have any form of a relationship with her and he does. After the fight between Harry and Y/n, she obviously told Kyle because he tried to fight Harry that day.
"Wow that sounds fun. Julie and I kept it local and it was more fun than traveling let me tell you." Harry mirked hoping he'd pick up on his hint. Even though he was full of shit and hasn’t even came close to that with Julie. He knows Y/n,and that she wouldn't do that with someone like Kyle.
"Yeah but think of this, sex in every city we went to." Kyle laughs before turning up the stairs getting the last word in with a disgusting smirk. Harry bites his lip out of anger and turns in the direction of his class. Y/n must not be the same girl he grew up with he comes to the conclusion as he enters the auditorium. He tries to push the conversation between Kyle and him out of his head as he takes his seat in the first row of blue seats in front of the large stage. Theater class should change his mood for the better.
Y/n brushes her hair off her shoulder as she speaks with the teacher trying to explain this is a schedule mishap and she’s definitely not in theater. The shorter woman looks her up and down and smiles.
“We’ll handle this tomorrow, stay for today and see what you think. You just may love it!” Her arm moves as she talks and the large sleeves gesture with her. Y/n only nods folding her schedule up and sliding it in her back pocket with a sigh. The limelight was never her calling unless it was for scoring the most goals or breaking a record. The annoyance of having to stay in theatre class for today she sits as the teacher plops herself in center front stage, her legs hanging off the edge.
"Hey class! I'm Mrs. Burns. Since it's the first day and a theater class were going to do some improv as our 'get to know you game!' I'm gonna number everyone off by five and if you have the same number get a partner and you'll be acting together." She instructs us and starts counting off. Y/n is a one and Harry is too.  All of the ones form a group and all have been partnered expect Y/n and Harry.
"Hey partner." She smiles. It’s a real one this time and Harry feels accomplished even if he did nothing to receive it. The fact Y/n is being so friendly means something to him.
"Ok ones! Who's acting first?" Mrs. Burns asks as she claps her ring clad fingers together. All the fellow number ones point at Harry and Y/n.
"Okay so you're both ballerinas who have to pee but have to go on stage in 30 seconds now act!" Mrs. Burns yells in a deep voice that causes a few students to giggle. The two walk to center stage while everyone else is still seated. The lights blind them from seeing their peers.
"If I cecchetti I'm going to pee myself." Y/n starts off causing Harry to almost burst into giggles and break his character. His body language now held straight and more formal as he tries to walk on his tippy toes.
"To late for a potty break now we have to go on!" He responds after stopping the laugh about to leave his throat. He walks toward the left and Y/n catches on doing the same. She holds her tippy toes better than Harry but the bruise on her leg now aches at the new way of walking.
"I think I just peed a little what am I gonna do?" She asks making a worried face and the class laughs along with Harry this time.
"Hide it with your tutu, that's what I did." He fires back erupting more laughs from his audience as he acts as if he has a tutu on. Y/n nods and starts doing the same thing they awfully imitate ballerina moves. She's like a different person when she acts, even for this small skit she shows no signs of being shy or embarrassed. She really has changed, and Harry not only noticed it but he likes the braver Y/n too.
"FREEZE!" A student shouts and the two oblige. Y/n is stuck balancing on one foot with both arms raised she's wobbling but smiling wide. Harry feels a top on his arm signaling he’s being pulled from the scene and jumps off the stage taking a seat again.
"Y/n, you can't fly." He says grabbing her arm and pulling her back so she on both feet again. The guy who took Harry’s spot is unfamiliar to him and he wonders how he even knows her.
"But dad! I'm a superhero who can fly!" She yells like a baby and crosses her arms moving her center of gravity so she's hunched over more childlike. "I'll show you how." She continues and spreads the guys arms out. He looks over her actions dramatically to show effect.
"Now close your eyes." Y/n says sounding mischievous. As he does so she goes behind him tiptoeing like a bad thief in cartoons.
"And FLY!" She yells and shoves him, lightly but he gets the idea and falls.
"Help me up right now!" He demands sounding angry. As she leans down to grab his hands a chorus of 'FREEZE' is heard and Y/n gets tapped out. She has huge smile on her face and it shocks Harry how much she's actually changed from when they were friends; she was shy and never wanted to join theater with Harry before. No matter how much he had begged and tried to bribe her. And now she’s such a natural Saying she's changed isn't the right word to describe Y/n though because that word usually has a negative connotation with it, she's evolved. HArry sits back in his chair as Y/n descends the small set of stairs exiting the stage.
The next two people up are joking around, not really holding to an idea or formulating their characters. The girl calls out trust fall and actually falls full force into her partners arms but the fast action doesn’t register with him and they both end up actually falling and land on the hard floor, the noise echoes throughout the empty auditorium. Everyone is silent as they wait for the reactions of the two who fell trying to determine if they are actually hurt.
"Romeo Romeo where art OW!" The guy yelps and earns a chorus of laughter from everyone. When they get up and walk back to their seats rubbing their butts and arms, Y/n high fives the guy.
"Okay class that's enough for today, we'll pick this back up tomorrow. Happy first day of school! See you for the next nine months." She waves as everyone stampedes to the exit. Y/n and Harry end up being the last people in the room.
"Hey Y/n!" He call as she exits the room just before him causing him to take large steps to catch up. She comes to a halt and whips around her hair flying in her face. She moves it quickly behind her ear with an airy laugh. Y/n can laugh over anything it makes her so approachable.
"Yeah?" She questions. He wasn't expecting her to stop not sure if he even heard his call. He opens and closes his mouth searching for his words.
"There's a back to school party tonight at, Micah's, I was wondering if you're going cause-" before I can finish my reasoning why she cuts me off.
“Are you going?” Her eyes hold contact with Harry before its too much for him and he shifts his glare to the floor looking at her red sneakers that match her shirt.
“Yeah, I was planning on it.” He answers her. Y/n is surprised parties were always too much for him, he loved being around people and entertaining but high school parties always ended with Y/n pulling Harry out early so he didn’t panic from all the chaos.
“Well if anything changes I think we should start on our book report tonight. My number hasn’t changed so text me if you’re free.” She smiles leaving her thoughts secret and turns back to head to the doors looking for Kyle.
Harry starts thinking of a way to tell Julie she can’t make the party tonight when two small hands cover over his eyes, he closes them as a reactions and laughs.
“Guess who!” A voice whispered in his ear and he laughs again.
“Hmm my beautiful girlfriend Julie?” He questions and turns around scooping her cheeks in his large hands. She’s had a good first day and Harry is happy about that but he knows he’s about to ruin it. Julie may be the principles kid but she’s big partier. It’s where she actually lets loose and doesn’t think of school or exams or college. He finds himself stressed out when she goes on and on about those subjects.
As they walk to the parking lot she notices something is off.
“What’s going on babe?” She questions biting her lip and watching his facial expression change as he sighs holding a hand on his door.
“I can’t come to the party tonight.” He finally says and watches her smile drop from across the hood of the car. Without a word she gets into the passenger seat and slams his car door. He knew she’d react this way and he tries to prepare for the long lecture there is to come as he drives her home.
“And that’s why I think you should come Harry. We can blow off steam before the stress of school starts.” She finishes as he parks curbside of her house. She lives on the more wealthy side of town and her large house mocks his cheap car.
“I can’t go Julie, I’m sorry.” The words leave his mouth before he can register than he’s choosing to hang out with Y/n rather than party with his girlfriend. She decides to leave it at that and stomp off into her house. He sighs and leans his head on the steering wheel before finally returning home. He looks at his room and begins cleaning it up and looking for an outfit before typing a text for Y/n.
Taglist: @paljungmu  @painted-soulss  @living-dead-parker  @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight  @spiderman-n  @redhoodparker  @typicaltrashbagg  @beautiful-holland  @quitetommy @cherryhollands  @parkerstan  @spideykisses @lovelyh0lland @thesciencebabe
48 notes · View notes
julietteswiftie · 6 years
Photo
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
HEY T! Where do I start? Well first, my really poetic self is thanking you for the most 7 years of my life. Being in this fandom has brought me tears, of joy and sadness, so many friends that I got to meet at the show and so much more. Let’s go back in time, in summer 2011 I believe. I was in my cousin’s living room, back in Quebec, Canada, and my older cousin played You belong with me and as you may can tell, I fell in love with this 20 years old girl’s music. It was around this time that you came to Montreal for the Speak Now World Tour for the first time. At this point, I knew that I would follow you as I grow up for many years. Fast forward to 2012. Then, I changed school in 4th grade. I met these 2 girls, also fan of yours: Laurence and Maé. Actually, they became my two closest friends and they still are after 6 years. They also are the one who were willing to travel 8 hours to see you in Toronto. Anyways, I was quite shy at that time and didnt knew if they were nice or not. But Laurence quickly brought me into her group of friends wich another fan of yours was a part of: Marianne. She taught me A LOT about you ( Loft 89, the whole early 1989 era, etc). So, Laurence quickly convinced me to do the school talent show to perform one of your songs. In the middle of the Red Era, we hesitated between We are never ever getting back togheter or I knew you were trouble. She choosed WANEGBT because of the IKYWT goat meme HAHA. So for the next months following our inscriptions, I dreamed about seeing you on the Red Tour. But sadly, you didnt came to Montreal. But then the big day came and we performed in striped shirts, with sunglasses on and Keds, well, the whole Red look basically. We had this choreography the makeup the whole thing. We were four on stage: Laurence, Marianne, Rebecca and my 9 year old self. In between 4th and 6th, it was peaceful while listening to your music. Then, I stepped into 1989 era as one in the fandom. Shake it off came out and I LOVED IT. I couldnt wait for the whole album. Then, i started cheerleading and it was quite hard to keep up with everything going on. July 6th 2015, you came to Montreal for the 1989 World Tour. My two friends, Laurence and Marianne went but I couldnt due to the arena being sold outtoo fast. I was so sad and waited until the very early morning to see the pictures of the show on the news. A year later, I started highschool, wich means 7th grade for us haha. I was really naive and this is the moment I really related to every single song of yours due to break ups, feud with friends, all kind of problems an almost 13 year old has navigating into the teen world. One of them was The Story Of Us wich really represented this relationship I had that broke my heart for nothing. At the end of that year, wich troughout I made impressions of you during drama class, would be compared to you in everyday life, I started guitar lessons and songwriting. Oh and not to mention that July 7th 2016, I cut my hair like you. 8th grade was quite hard for me. My grades werent has good as I expected them to be, my relationship with this same guy kept getting complicated. On april 29th, I had my first drama show. I was playing this kinda jet set woman having an affair. When i was backstage, My stare came across the guy i loved staring at me. I turned my head to hide my tears floading my eyes and came back to the stage light, thanking the audience. A couple days later, may 3rd i believe. I was admitted to the hospital for wrist surgeries. I remember listening to your music before and after it. It juste made the pain go away. Then, i was at the point of my scolarity that you guys call Freshman year. Except that we dont change schools. So this year, it was pretty great but i had quite a lot of lows. During that summer, i madd a lot of internet friends and we talked about the trial and everything. I remember the last day, i opened Instagram and I saw this post that made me burst into tears: TAYLOR SWIFT HAS WON HER 1$ TRIAL AGAISNT ASSAULTER. Weeks later, your profiles are slowly deleting everything on them. Oh didnt i told you that i also bursted into tears into the Ikea parking when I saw this video of a snake tail on your empty profile. For the following weeks, rep announcement, look what you made me do release, i was LIVING FOR IT. Then this trailer that said ...ready for it on it during the football game came out and i was likeoh man this must be a NEW SINGLE kznddkxj. I was right wow. On october 28th, I injured my elbow during circus class and was rushed to two different hospitals. The next day, my life changed. I was in stuck in bed and decided to listen to stranger things for the first time. I soon realized that I trully wanted to become an actress AND a singer. For the next months, i tried my hardest to find a way to audition for the show but I didnt. I still do remember the cold feeling of my tears stained cheeks at night. Oh wait that could be a good lyric haha. But this woman, my idol, once said that you should never give up on the things you love. Oh and thats you if you didnt know. On November 10th 2017, this masterpiece came out and i died of love for this album. I remember being in my bed, at like 3 in the morning, hearing the last song off this record and bursting into tears. New years day was so undescribable. So in december, i bought tickets for the Reputation stadium tour with my two best friends Maé and Laurence for Toronto night two on August 4th 2018. Crazy that when I write this, its already July 31th. I will always remember chosing these seats 9-10-11 row 12 section 130 AR, close to the b stage. We planned this whole trip, did our costumes, everything to make this a lifetime experience. Our costumes are Heart Robbers. So basically we are stealing your broken hearts from past relationships off the hands of your ex lovers so you can be loved brand new by Joe. And lets be real, you guys are the cutest. Anyways, During the whole year, i developped my singing and acting skills a lot so i could realize my dreams and goals. I dont know if I will ever meet you saying from today. But i know some of my friends did and i couldnt be more thankful for it. You know Jessica Johnson right? She was invited to the Nashville SS and a couple of weeks earlier, I made this edit of her and you and she was crying looking at it then it became reality. The same for my friend Asya, you met her at pre show m&g this tour and i screenshotted the dm of me saying « this is the era you meet taylor ». It became real. I never got noticed but i once was on the same livestream as you before the delicate premiere and somehow it was amazing. I couldnt thank you enough for everything you know. For Clean being this song that I relate to the most, For Call it what you want, new years day and dancing with our hands tied ( sounds a lot like the 80s synth vibe and the stranger things theme) to being my faves and for just you being you, this dorky adorable cat lover baking queen who cares sooooo much about us while being this powerfull amazing slaying wig stealer women that will forever be my idol. I will love you forever and always. -Juliette xox
34 notes · View notes
mrgrant9559-blog · 6 years
Text
Witch Way Is Right? Part 2
Tumblr media
A/N: Whats up uglies! Alright so you seemed to love Part 1 of WWIR so much that I now have Clymida-syphilitis (JOKE)... So its only fair that I continue this series, even though I was hoping you guys would hate it so I don’t have to keep writing cause lets face it...
Tumblr media
Summary: (Y/N) is a male witch and also comes from a family of witches. When (Y/N) is backed up in a corner by his brother, who chose the dark path, he is forced to choose his own fate, choosing the light path. This causes an Ecliptic War between Light and Dark Witches. During this war, an eclipse (both solar and lunar) is happening, and won’t end until one brother is left standing. With the help of the Avengers and other helpful heroes, will (Y/N) be able to defeat his brother, or will the world be forever secluded in darkness?
Subject: Avengers x Male!Reader (No pairings YET)
Warnings: Mentions of bullying. Thats it!
Prompt: “I have a crazy idea actually, the reader is a male witch, the avengers didn’t know it. They thought that he was just genius kid like peter that tony recruited to help him in developing his suits. One day he sliped and revealed that he could make vision turns into pink by only saying “rosea” and then he turned pink and the avengers were like ‘wtf?'”
Tags: @uselessace @avengersohyeah @thegreatficmaster @lzzywinchester
Part 1
Part 3
Part 4
________________________________________________________
Peter’s POV:
I still think there’s something weird going on with (Y/N). I highly doubt someone just randomly chants a different language when they’re mad, and what makes it more weird is that it’s Greek. I mean we’re in the same grade and I don’t ever remember seeing him in any of my Greek classes. Maybe he learned it in middle school or from a family member but he’s not Greek. Or is he?
“Ned, you’ve known (Y/N) longer than me. Does he usually speak Greek?” I asked. Ned and I finally had time to rebuild the Lego Deathstar, since he let it fall to pieces when he found out I was Spider-Man. I was honestly scared when Ned found out about my secret. We’ve been friends for a long time and if I know anything about him, its that he can’t keep a secret for shit! But so far he’s been pretty good about not telling anyone, except for this one time he blurted out to everyone in gym class that I personally “know Spider-Man” just to impress this girl I liked named Liz Allen, who just so happened to be the daughter of this bad guy I was having major problems with at the time.
He looked up at me with confusion written on his face, “I honestly have no idea. (Y/N) has always been a closed book. He never really showed that much emotion. Plus, if he DID speak Greek, I wouldn’t know because... well mainly because I don’t know Greek myself.”
In the midst of figuring out (Y/N)’s secret, I’m starting to wonder how someone as nice and innocent as Ned got to be friends with someone like (Y/N).
“Yeah, that got me thinking.” I questioned curiously, “How’d you end up getting to know someone like him? I mean you guys are complete opposites yet you seem to know a lot about each other.”
Ned frowned almost like he was serious and he’s usually never serious about things. “Remember in middle school when those 8th graders threw their lunch at me and kept calling me Fathead Ned in front of everyone at lunch?” I nodded in response with my fists clenched HARD.
I remember that day cause everyone was laughing at him while he looked like he was gonna breakdown in tears. It had me beyond pissed. “Well while I was at the front office waiting for my parents to pick me up, (Y/N) came to comfort me. He told me not to worry and that karma always has something big planned for assholes like them. The next day, those same 8th graders all got a bad case of the flu and couldn’t go to the field trip to Universal Studios.”
I couldn’t help the smile that kept growing, “Yeah I remember that day. I also remember they were perfectly fine the day after the field trip, and they were disappointed that they missed out on all the fun.” I chuckled, “I guess (Y/N) was right about karma having big plans for assholes like them, huh?”
Ned shook his head in denial, “No. I think (Y/N) WAS the karma.”
“Ned, what are you saying? You think (Y/N) gave those 8th graders the flu somehow? That doesn’t even make sense.” We were both standing up now, completely disregarding the Lego’s existence at this point.
“Thats what I thought until you mentioned him speaking in Greek.” I was so confused. He walked to my bed where his backpack was sitting and pulled out his laptop. He searched “Greek witchcraft” and a bunch of weird and disturbing images came up but one link in particular, which Ned clicked, stated that Witches usually use Greek to cast spells but also use ancient Egyptian for powerful spells.
Ned finally breaks the silence. “You see? It says here that ‘Witches have been using Greek to cast spell’s for centuries and only the strongest of witches use ancient Egyptian to cast the most powerful of spells’.”
I can’t believe it! Can (Y/N) really cast spells? Is he really a witch? Referring to a guy as a witch sounds kinda weird though. “Not to sound sexist or anything, but aren’t witches usually female?”
Ned rolled his eyes, “Witch is just a title, Pete. I’m pretty sure it isn’t specified towards gender.” I guess he’s right. Which means if (Y/N)s a witch, then that means he casted a spell on someone earlier today when I heard him speak Greek.
“Ned, if all this is true, then that means I must’ve heard him cast a spell on someone at school today. We’ve gotta find out who it was.”
Ned shook his head once more, “No we don’t. Pete, whose the one guy that finds a way to get under almost everyone’s skin?”
We both gave each other a deadpanned look, “Flash Thompson!” we both said in unison. Now it’s starting to come together. I mean I knew I heard him say something about Flash.
The real question is what kind of spell did he cast on him? “What do you think (Y/N) did to Flash? Whatever it is though I’m sure it’s harmless, right? Like maybe he made him completely bald with no eyebrows!” Ned said, causing the both of us to crack up. I decided to add my own joke. “He probably made it so his hands have toes and his feet have fingers.” At this point we were both hysterical. I mean Flash Thompson was a jerk, so whatever he got I’m sure he deserved. Then Ned added, “Maybe he gave him a hankering for crack!” Ned was busting up laughing but I quickly frowned. “Ned! Thats not harmless! That would seriously ruin Flash’s life.” Ned cleared his throat to stop laughing, “You’re right, my bad. But what are you gonna do if (Y/N) really does turn out to be a Witch?” I haven’t thought about that actually. I mean if he does have powers then I’ll probably have to tell Mr. Stark.
“I guess we’ll have to cross that bridge when we get there. In the mean time, lets finish this Deathstar before it gets too late.” Ned nodded in agreement. I don’t know how we’re gonna ease (Y/N) into all this but we gotta play it cool. Otherwise, WE might be the ones with bald heads and no eyebrows.
The Next Day:
Reader’s POV:
I open my eyes to the sun beating down on my face. As a witch you’d think I’d have a dark room with dark curtains but if I’m being honest, I hate the dark. Plus I don’t do dark magic. If I did dark magic then that would make me evil and I’m not an evil guy, I just hate bullies and when people are treated wrong. Which is the exact opposite of a bad guy. Right? I go to the bathroom to brush my teeth and as I’m brushing my tongue, I almost choke from laughter when I realize that I casted that hairy tongue spell on Flash Thompson. Serves him right, though. He’s such an arrogant dick and I hate the way he treats Pete and Ned. Even though I’m a little rude myself to them, I still don’t like seeing them get hurt. I’ve known them since middle school. They’re like an annoying cousin you just don’t wanna associate with that much but still wanna make sure no one else is bothering them. I guess I gotta work on being more friendly and talkative with them. Even though Peter almost figured out my secret.
I walk downstairs to find my mom and dad watching the news. Apparently theres a robbery at the Roosevelt Savings Bank on Broadway. Well, there WAS, until Spider-Man stopped them just before they could get far. Gosh, Spider-Man seems like such a cool a guy. In fact, all the Avengers seem real cool to hang out with. Plus, after doing that history report on Captain America, I’ve kinda developed a crush on him. I highly doubt he’d give me a shot, because it doesn’t seem like he was into guys and even if he was then I’m sure him and Bucky are a thing already. I wish I was an Avenger, but after that little war they had at that airport, I don’t think they’re on good terms yet.
“Are you daydreaming about Captain America again? Snap out of it or you’re gonna be late for school” my mom said in my head. Of course my parents are witches too, so they can just interrupt my thoughts whenever they want, even if I try to put a protection spell around my brain, so it’s no surprise to them that I’m bi. I rolled my eyes and turned towards the front door as I waved my parents goodbye. I got a feeling that today is gonna be a long day.
________________________________________________________
Ok so I got done with this part a lot sooner than I expected... I feel like I covered enough in this part and it seems long enough sooo... Hope you guys enjoy!!
86 notes · View notes
sflisa · 5 years
Text
The Hills are Alive
Tumblr media
We celebrated my 10th birthday in a motel room on Tejon Street; Mom reminded me yesterday that both boys were sick with a virus after we arrived in Colorado Springs, so that must have been really rough on her, trapped in the room with the three of us for a few days before our moving van arrived so we could move in to our new house.  I was a mess, so sad to have left New Jersey, and eager to see the new place, which I was convinced backed up straight against the mountains.  It didn’t.  It didn’t have a lawn, there were barely any trees, and tumbleweed everywhere.  Next to us though, was a piñon-covered hill, with sandstone outcroppings that invited exploration and climbing, which we did, almost every day.  Yucca and paintbrush everywhere.  There were caves, and tower-like structures, we buried treasure, took picnics; it was where I ran away from home to when things got stormy, so, in effect, it was like the mountains were in the backyard after all.  You could see out over the entire city from the top of one of the rocks.  It was glorious.  You can also see the city from the top of Pike’s Peak...Oh Beautiful, for Spacious Skies, for sure.  Suzanne came and visited from NJ - it was great to see her, and I haven’t had contact with her since.  My grandmother came for one of the first Easters.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
School was really rough at the beginning - being the new kid at 10 years old, or anytime, probably, is hard stuff.  No friends, and the girls in my neighborhood that were in my class were not buddy material for me.  They were mean, gossipy, troublemakers, and we had no common interests.  There were, over time, a few girls on our street who I hung out with, and who invited me to ride horses with them a couple of times; I didn’t have a horse, and wisely, my parents said no to that idea.  They did, however, provide me with riding lessons, and Dad and I would go out to Palmer Park and ride at the stables there from time to time.  It was a love-hate thing with me and the horses - stable horses are stubborn and I didn’t like their general unresponsiveness, and it could prove problematic if you didn’t want to run like the wind back to the stable.  You did anyway - that horse was hungry and tired.
Tumblr media
So life in Colorado Springs got underway - I met my new class, a combined 5th and 4th grade; don’t remember much except I was not listening to the radio yet so much, and the kids couldn’t figure out why I didn’t know the Top 40.  We had swimming and tennis lessons in the summers; we joined, and Mom eventually led, Girl Scout troop 135, which led to Girl Scout Camp again in the summers, which I absolutely loved, and was the source of a few more buddies moving forward.  We drove to Disneyland when I was 14.  Best quote from that trip is from Bob:  “It won’t be smoggy in Disneyland - it’s the Happiest Place on Earth!”  
Tumblr media
I learned to ski, went fishing in the mountains with Dad.  We went on a trip to the Tetons (we must have had a really rough day the day the photo below was taken - even though we aren’t smiling, it’s one of my favorites - makes me laugh now, because I’ve had those moments as a parent, for sure!
Tumblr media
Grandparents came and went for visits and extended stays.  My paternal Grandpa who had lived with us for awhile in NJ came and stayed for a few months.  He taught me to play two-handed pinochle, and we played for hours which turned into days into weeks.  It was fun, and the only thing I remember him doing, except maybe reading.  I volunteered as a candy striper at the hospital Dad eventually ran; always liked to kid him about getting there first and paving the way for his eventual success!
Tumblr media
At Washington Irving Junior High, I finally stopped crying and being sad about not being in NJ anymore.  I met Elaine, Karen, Jack, Gail and Aimee and we had a tribe.  We did things together after school, met up in the cafeteria at lunch, went to the movies, did all the things you’re supposed to do.  I got a 12 speed bike and the neighborhood opened up a bit more and I was back to getting myself places (not everywhere - streets were much busier and I was not allowed) on the bike.  And then, in 8th grade, there was a new music teacher and there was a choir.  I joined it - late - in the later fall and we started working on Carol of the Bells.  Now that I’m a music teacher, I understand I was not unique in encountering that as a first piece that served as an addiction mechanism!  I probably drove my entire family crazy singing that thing over and over and over (and that’s what it is, the same thing over and over inside of it) (and I get payback every year from my own students...) but that got me reconnected to choral singing.  I auditioned for and was accepted to the madrigal group as well.  I joined a church choir too, and I think in 9th or early high school I started voice lessons.  Jack joined the madrigals after I did, he told me later it wasn’t so much about the singing - he wanted to do things with me.  He took me to the Cherry Blossom Dance in 8th or 9th grade-his mom drove us.  My first actual date.  Mom made the dress.
Tumblr media
After being dropped off at high school the first day and being cautioned by mom not to get knifed- she actually said, “Don’t get knifed...”, high school eventually meant more singing, an actual music theory class that I had to get to school by 7:00 to take, then madrigals, all before the school day even started.  There was Girls’ Choir, and Mixed Choir too, French Club, Model UN, hijinks in the library, cramming all of us into Jack’s Datsun to go McDonalds for lunch, running for Student Council, many dances, being a counselor at High Trails Outdoor Education Center.  In my senior year, there was a teacher’s strike and I filled in as the choir director under the supervision of a parent who lived in the neighborhood.  She taught me the basics of conducting and there’s a photo of me somewhere, maybe in the yearbook, conducting the choir in the classroom.  The strike resolved, and I didn’t get to conduct the concert, but the future would more than make up for that.  
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Mom and Dad threw a surprise 16th birthday party which was so much fun; I went to junior prom with Jack; senior prom with Stan who was a real jerk.  I was trying to be cool and go with a football player.  Mistake.
Tumblr media
I auditioned and was placed in the All-State Choir in the spring of 1976.  If I hadn’t been a choral enthusiast yet, that would have done it - it was absolutely the coolest thing I had ever done.  As a member of that choir, I was also invited to audition for “America’s Youth in Concert” - a tour group that took a 2 week-if-it’s-Tuesday-it must-be-Belgium approach to European concertizing.  I stuffed the flyer in my algebra book, and mom found it and insisted I send in a tape.  I got in, and enjoyed a wonderful trip to Pennsylvania in the summer of 1976, celebrating 200 years in Liberty Square, followed by a tour to Rome, Venice, Florence, Innsbruck, Paris, London.  We sang in the Pantheon, Notre Dame, Albert Hall.  Unbelievable. I recently got back in touch with a few of the kids on that tour through Facebook.  They are all still singing too.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Then it was time to go on to college.  I decided to major in music and English, problem was I had many interests, for a time I wanted to work for the Park Service as a Ranger (still do, and it is in my retirement plan to be a Ranger-Art Docent at the Presidio!) but music was the thing that got me into and paying for college.  At the University of Denver, I attempted to double major in a bunch of different things, but a music degree does not let you do that in 4 years, so I exited DU with a degree in Voice Performance, just so I could get out of there finally and move on.  I did not get great career planning support from either the music school or the university, and was a bit entwined in some not-terrible-but-not-exactly-focused distractions from what I was actually in school to accomplish.  That’s a subject for a book, not this post, and I may actually get to that at some point if I decide it could be helpful to someone else.  Lots of mistakes made out of raw naivety and blind trust.
Tomorrow I’ll pick up in college, as by the time I was 20, college started being more college-like.  
Tumblr media
0 notes
stellar-sushi-blog · 7 years
Text
too much asagao!kit
have you ever wanted five pages of useless information about my si? no? oh well here you go anyways!! the link to the original template is here. be warned, it’s like ten pages long.
Name: Victoria
Nickname: Kit
Origin of nickname: She used ‘Kit’ as a pen name when she wrote for the school newspaper. Her friends soon started using it jokingly, but it ended up sticking with her.
Age: 17
Sex: Female
Sexual Orientation: Panromantic Heterosexual
Current status: a..alive?
Birth date: November 17th
Current residence: Asagao Academy
Occupation: Student
Hobbies: Kit enjoys writing, doodling, making origami, going for walks, sewing plushies, working with ceramics, and doing volunteer work.
-
Most important childhood “event” that still affects her: Kit almost always had her parents holding her hand. She even went to the same private school for 5th-8th grade where her mother worked. Also, before attending Asagao, she’d never spent more than two days away from one of her parents.
How? Because of the constant sheltering and guidance her parents gave her, Kit never learned how to do anything by herself and has a horrible time socializing and trying new things.
-
How does she dress or what do they typically wear? For school, she wears the required white button-up, yellow vest, and black skirt. On her free days she normally chooses to wear a white tank top, black skinny jeans, and an oversized, crocheted cardigan.
Other outfits one might find in their wardrobe: Kit has WAY too many tank tops and gym shorts. Where do they keep coming from? Where does she get them all?? Why does she have them all??? Please stop her.
Jewelry:Her favorite pieces of jewelry are her hoops earrings, a silver and black onyx ring, and a bracelet with an octopus charm on it.
Health: In a physical sense, she’s alright despite having a heart problem. Her mental state isn’t the greatest, though.
-
Habits/Obsessions: She loves Nokemon and candles. Even if she can’t burn them in her dorm room, she has like 20 candles.
Unique phrases/words: To her friends, she will blurt out random Italian phrases and curses to confuse them.
Do they curse, and if so, to what extent? Kit swears a moderate amount around friends, but only around friends.
-
Describe their sleep patterns: She either sleeps for 13 hours straight, or sleeps for 5 hours.
Describe their bedroom: Kit’s side of the dorm is very messy, but it’s very well organized.
Describe their daily rituals:
Kit is normally awoken by a distressed Sammi twenty minutes before class. In a panic, she throws on her uniform, brushes her hair and teeth, then grabs her backpack before leaving.
In class, she can normally be found doodling and trying not to fall asleep.
When lunch rolls around and she has no other work to finish up, Kit goes to the library and reads until the next bell. Here, she also finds time to gawk at the cute, student council president and even the boy who is almost always in the nurse’s office.
After the second half of the day, she returns to the dorm to do homework. Once it’s finished, she eats dinner then either works on a creative project or plays games with her roommate.
Lastly, she makes her way to the bathroom for a shower before finally going to bed.
-
How self-confident is the character? Not at all.
How does she see herself? As just another angsty teen who complains too much.
How do they believe she is perceived by others? She either thinks of herself as a queen, or a piece of crap. Depends on the day.
What does the character like least about themselves? Her constant need for attention.
How do they express themselves? By writing or drawing, normally.
Is this character generally dominant or submissive? Submissive
Most at ease when: She’s alone and safe, or just around friends in general.
Ill at ease when: She’s by herself in an unfamiliar area.
Describe their sense of humor: Kit will laugh at and joke about mostly everything, as long as it’s within some boundaries. She can go from laughing over a 12 year old’s joke to a joke about cannibalism.
If they could be described with one of the seven virtues, which would it be? Justice
If they could be described with one of the seven sins, which would it be? Envy/Sloth
Biggest Vulnerability (non physical): She’s easily threatened to do things.
Optimist or Pessimist: Pessimist.
Introvert or extrovert: Introvert.
Greatest Fear: BEARS
Other Fears/Insecurities/Phobias: Kit isn’t confident with her body/personality, is afraid of deep water, and fears fires.
Character's darkest, deepest secret: Her past.
Minor Secrets: She keeps the people she hates and has a crush on a secret.
-
Favorite...
Color: Purple.
Clothing: Tank tops.
Place: The field near Asagao.
Room in the house and why: Bedroom/dorm. It’s warm and comfy.
Food/drinks: Any Italian foods + Slushies.
Subject in school: Creative Writing / Ceramics.
Animal: Cat.
Least Favorite...
Clothing: Socks.
Place: The city (when she’s by herself.)
Food: Meat.
Subject in school: Math.
Where does this character like to hang out? She likes to hang out in the library and her dorm room.
-
How does this character deal with or react to…
Conflict/Danger: She’ll try to handle it calmly, but she also might cry.
Rejection: Lots and lots of tears and self deprecation
Fear: Run away or ignore it. Pray to God for help.
Change: Adapt or die, unless it’s completely traumatic.
Loss: Ignore the pain and get over it or cry until she passes out.
Sex/Flirting: Become insanely uncomfortable or go along with it.
Pain: Get as far away as possible from the cause of it, or deal with it.
Peer pressure: Tell the person trying to pressure her to fuck off.
Guilt: Cry and guilt-trip herself for fifteen years.
Being wrong: Panic and think about the mistake for hours after.
Being criticized: Normally, she’ll get angry or sad. On a good day, she’ll get over it and be extremely thankful for it. But, if it was unwarranted, she’ll get pissed beyond belief.
Offending others: Apologize hundreds of times and feel more guilt than she should.
Praise: Is… is this for me? Or are you talking to someone else?
How does this character feel about...
Marriage: She’s not really in a rush to get married, but it sounds like a cute thing to do.
Children: No.
Family/Family Values: She thinks that you should always treat your family with respect, unless they’re an asshole to you.
Old age: Doesn’t sound very fun.
Sex: [uncomfortable wheezing]
Love: Cute!! But she probably doesn’t deserve it.
Friendship/Other relationships: Please be her friend. She’s very lonely and she’ll bake sweets for you.
The opposite sex: CUTE
The same sex: CUTE
Money/Material things: Because of her family’s small fortune, she doesn’t really have to worry about money. She does, however, get very emotionally attached to some material objects.
Science: Biology is interesting and fun, but chemistry makes her head hurt.
Nature/Animals: She loves animals and would die for them.
Drugs and alcohol: Kit would never touch most drugs except for alcohol. Maybe.
What embarrasses this character? Pretty much anything sexual.
-
Crushes: She has three crushes but would never act upon them. One on Paul and one on Jeff. Don’t ask her about the third one or else she’ll die from embarrassment.
Girlfriend/Boyfriend(s): N/A
Best Friend: Sammi
Friends: All of 8BB
Pets: Sometimes she hoards stray cats in her dorm when she finds them in the city. (She does, however, give them up to a shelter when she gets the chance.)
What kind of person would she consider to be the perfect partner? Someone who is kind, supportive, and can take a joke. She’d also like someone who will play games with her and stay up until 4am.
Is the character judgmental of others and how so? If you’re an asshole to someone around her, Kit will judge you until you die and never let it go.
How is she perceived by...
Strangers? Who is this awkward girl? Why is she trying to joke with me? Where are her parents?
Friends? Please stop telling me to do my homework and please stop trying to fight anyone who looks at me wrong. Yes, Kit, we’re friends. You don’t need to ask so often. Please stop baking for me. You damn meme-loving fuck.
Coworker/Colleague? Why does this girl keep stuttering in class? What is she so nervous about?
Lovers? Since when was I dating this nerd and how does she manage to bake me a cake every few weeks?
Describe their sense of trust: Kit really wants to be able to trust everyone. But, if you break her trust, she will ignore you for the rest of your life.
What type of individuals does she like or associate with? She likes to hang around nerds, because it sums up her interests pretty well.
What type of individuals doesn't she like or associate with? Jocks. She thinks that if she associates with them, people with figure that she’s also a jock even though she’s far from it.
What do family/friends like most about character? She’s good at keeping up conversations and is very adaptable to new situations.
What do family/friends like least about character? She’s awkward and can often push herself away from everyone for weeks at a time.
-
Birthparent(s): A mother and a father.
Are they still alive? Yes.
Did they raise this character? Yes.
What did they do for a living? Her mother works at a private middle school and her father is a petroleum engineer.
Caretakers: She had a nanny when she was younger.
Are they still alive? Yes
At what age did the caretakers begin to raise this character? From when she was born to when she was 12.
Siblings (if any): A half-sister and half-brother.
Describe how each one treats this character: Her sister, when she lived with Kit, was very kind to her. Her brother used to be very angry with her, but eventually mellowed out and they’re now friends.
Does this character still keep in contact with their siblings? Only with her brother.
-
If this character were an animal, what would they be? An armadillo.
Why? Low body temperature, hides in a ball when scared, long nails, not really dangerous, and runs from humans.
What would happen if this character became physically handicapped, and how would that change them? Her depression might worsen, but she’d definitely try not to let it affect her daily routines.
What would this character do if spontaneously placed in a whole new and unfamiliar environment? She’d be terrified, but would at least make an attempt to communicate and get home asap.
-
What song best fits this character? Say Anything - Do Better
If you could compare this character to an existing character, who would she be and why? Ashley from Until Dawn, maybe.
-
Character's role in the story: Background character. Very minor.
Scene where character first appears: When Mai pulls Hana away from Ian, they bump into Kit. She is shown very briefly and only manages to force out a “Oh, s-sorry!” before running off. This leads to Mai explaining Hidden Block, then 8-Bit Blossoms.
Relationships with other characters: She treats Hana very nicely, is a little afraid of Mai, loves her roommate, and is eternally greatful for Mr. McPasta constantly bandaging her hands up from ceramics class. For anyone else, she tries to act very polite but her tendency to joke may make her come off as a bit blunt.
6 notes · View notes
okwilliamson · 7 years
Text
should be doing homework but im sexting my boy and answering survey questions
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? - ummm i really dont know, syd, seany, evie, luke or bae at home lol 
2. Are you outgoing or shy? - mostly shy but when something i want is in the sights i might as well be outgoing to get what i want 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? - BAE 
4. Are you easy to get along with? - I think i am easy to get along with, i look mean at first i think and i have trouble controlling my facial expressions lmfao 
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? - yeah i think so 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? -  fucked up sad boys who will crush my heart / boys in general im straight af to clarify/ but boys with big lips and nice eyes / someone whos funny / someone who will watch shitty movies w me/ BUT if this is just about people in general im attracted to shit lords like myself 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? - um actually maybe? 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? - my bab 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? - no i love talking about sex 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? - umm i have deep convos with everyone lol so probs today with syd and clayton 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? - ‘omw’ 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? - oh sheesh idk ive been listening to throwback shit from middle school and also hamilton 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?- honestly the thing i like most in the world 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? - luck yes, miracles not really bc i feel like that has a religious connotation 
15. What good thing happened this summer? -  i slept with someone new 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? - would i? yes...should i? not at all lol 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? - there has to be right 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? - bro what how would that even be possible 
19. Do you like bubble baths?- yeaaaa but never have the chance i dont have bathtubs in my dorm room 
20. Do you like your neighbors? - i dont even know my neighbors at all i know the girl next to me is named jackie and shes nice 
21. What are you bad habits? -  im a mess all the time like i dont clean up after myself, i dont even care if im living in trash ill just keep adding more trash to the pile. i dont shower enough lol, and im obsessive 
22. Where would you like to travel? -  anywhere!! i wanna go west 
23. Do you have trust issues? - yes kinda, i have a hard time being vulnerable with people bc i build up this wall to keep myself hard and safe away from potential sadness x d 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? - umm makeup probably :) 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? - probs my double chin lmfao but i can take selfies and look good anyways 
26. What do you do when you wake up? - i like have to pee as soon as i wake up 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? -  im good with my skin tone tbh but it would be nice to be able to tan vs burn 
28. Who are you most comfortable around? - syd, evie, luke, mik, bella, my sister 4 sure, 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? -  no lol 
30. Do you ever want to get married? - ummm idk im not really like super hype to the idea but it could be cool 
31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail? -  ya girl has a buzz cut lol 
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? - wowwie idk 
33. Spell your name with your chin. - miss me w that 
34. Do you play sports? What sports? - literally no sports are like the least interesting thing in my opinion 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? - shit idk thats so hard bc i use tv as like back ground noise a lot of the time but music helps me with everything else i cant choose 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? - ummmm yes 
37. What do you say during awkward silences? - depends on why its awkward 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? -  xd i dont need this 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? - lovesick, xxi?? thats about it oh and thrift stores!!!!! 
40. What do you want to do after high school? - bitc im doin it im in art school 
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?- yes for sure i give everyone a lot of chances 
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? - im sick/sad/angry lol
43. Do you smile at strangers? - i try to 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? - outer space 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? - classes bb 
46. What are you paranoid about?- money all the time 
47. Have you ever been high? - yes lol 
48. Have you ever been drunk? - also yes 
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? - ummmmmm yikes idk no not really 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? - green 
51. Ever wished you were someone else? - i used to but not recently 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? - work ethic 
53. Favourite makeup brand? - sheesh i think jeffree star cosmetics & lime crime 
54. Favourite store? - not sure 
55. Favourite blog? - probs claudias 
56. Favourite colour?- pink 
57. Favourite food? - pizza i think 
58. Last thing you ate? - pizza lol
59. First thing you ate this morning?- i didnt eat this morning 
60. Ever won a competition? For what? - no i dony think so 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?- nah 
62. Been arrested? For what?- nope 
63. Ever been in love? - i believe so! i fall in love with people all the time lol 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?- i was in 8th grade and his name was garrett and he was my first bf ever and we kissed on my front porch it was very cliche 
65. Are you hungry right now? - for the first time in a while actually yes 
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? - literally no i dont really have tumblr friends 
67. Facebook or Twitter? - twitter 68. Twitter or Tumblr? - this is tough bc i frequent both but probs tumblr 
69. Are you watching tv right now? - nope
70. Names of your bestfriends? - claudia, syd, evie, luke, mik, bella 
71. Craving something? What? - HUMMUS 
72. What colour are your towels? - one is like peachy and the other one is purple but i never use that one bc i cleaned up fruit juice off the floor w it and never cleaned it lol 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? - a lot like 3 pillows and i use blankets as like body pillows for that snuggly vibe 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? - just one hello kitty lol 
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? - total i have quite a few but i dont bring them to school with me 
75. Favourite animal? - ummm i really dont know tbh 
76. What colour is your underwear? - black 
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? vanilla for ice cream / chocolate for like cupcakes or cake 
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? - tbh mint choco chip or phish food by ben and jerrys 
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? - currently just chilling in my bra fam 
80. What colour pants? - black leggings lol 
81. Favourite tv show? - right now the office for sure / but also my 600 lb life 
82. Favourite movie? -  i have so many , django unchained, perks of being a wallflower, across the universe, i lowkey love the twilight series?? idk im not well versed in classic film just shitty films that have a special place in my heart 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? - this is an ugly quest but the original mean girls 4 sure 
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? - mean girls lmao 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? -janice lol 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? - bro idk finding nemo is not something i think about a lot lolol but probs the badass fish jawn w his ripped up fin 
87. First person you talked to today?- my sister 
88. Last person you talked to today?- just now syd 
89. Name a person you hate? - donald trump 
90. Name a person you love? - claudia <3 
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? - um not currently except maybe if my illness was personified then i would punch that bitch 
92. In a fight with someone? - i dont fight w people lol 
93. How many sweatpants do you have? - literally 1 pair i think 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? - SO many lol 
95. Last movie you watched? - twilight last night lol 
96. Favourite actress? - hmmm, i love charlize theron, kristen stewart but not bc of twilight her other movies are fire 
  97. Favourite actor? i love tom hardy, eddie redmayne, john boyega 
98. Do you tan a lot?- not at all 
99. Have any pets?  - one cat named Bo 
100. How are you feeling? - kinda shit but ok 
101. Do you type fast? - pretty fast, working in call centers get ur typing skills on fleek lol 
102. Do you regret anything from your past? - a few things of course but at the same time whats the point in regretting things you know, it just gives you more baggage to carry around and that shit sucks 
103. Can you spell well? - for the most part i think but sometimes shits questionable lol 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? - ummm no not really 
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? - yes i have it was a strange experience 
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? - no way bruh people break my heart all the time tho it seems lol 
107. Have you ever been on a horse? - yes but i was like 8 i think i was sooo young 
108. What should you be doing? - im chillin 
109. Is something irritating you right now? - BEING SICK  
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? - yessssss 
111. Do you have trust issues? - not so much trust issues but i have a hard time putting my walls down for people 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? - ummm syd and luke hahah 
113. What was your childhood nickname? - liv, livy, liver, livy loo ( my mom calls me this when shes salty at me) my dad has always called me scooter crunch i have no idea what thats from, or any variation sometimes its just scooter and recently he called me scooter mc crunchy and that was even a lot for me lol , oh and olive!! 
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? - yes ive been out of ohio but not to anywhere very exciting 
115. Do you play the Wii? - i did once upon a time 
116. Are you listening to music right now? - yes frank ocean’s blond album 
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?- i mean its fine 
118. Do you like Chinese food? - i love it but only from like select places bc mediocre chinese is always kinda a let down 
119. Favourite book? - harry potter series, perks, sula, 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?- sadly yes 
121. Are you mean? - i am sometimes lol i cant even lie 
122. Is cheating ever okay? - i dont think so 
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? - dude no 
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? - this is always a question in these 
125. Do you believe in true love? - ofc 
126. Are you currently bored? - nah im cool 
127. What makes you happy? - makeup, photography, my friends, my sister 
128. Would you change your name? - no ive never thought of something that suits me more than olivia, which is why im cool with my nicknames 
129. What your zodiac sign? - scorpio 
130. Do you like subway? - as in sandwhiches yes lol 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? - i would be shocked lmfao 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? - ummm idk ive been kind of mia recently from being sick but probs syd 
133. Favourite lyrics right now? - the whole wiped out album by the neighbourhood 
134. Can you count to one million? - ive never tried and i probably never will but on principal yes i can count 
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? umm idk that im ok? i try not to lie about trivial things but if im sad or something and someone im not comfy w asks me about it ill just be like yeh im good 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? - closed i live in a dorm room lol 
137. How tall are you? -5′6 
138. Curly or Straight hair?- i have a buzz cut so neither 
139. Brunette or Blonde? - is this an opinion question bc i have blue hair so like 
140. Summer or Winter? - man im more of a fall/spring type 
141. Night or Day? - day i think 
142. Favourite month? - november but im really tired of my friends trying to kill themselves in my birthday month tbh LOL 
143. Are you a vegetarian? - no but maybe i should be so i wouldnt be so fucking sick all the time 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? milk 
145. Tea or Coffee? - i really like both 
146. Was today a good day? - my day hasnt even really started 
147. Mars or Snickers? - snickers i guess  148. What’s your favourite quote? - i dont really have one tbh 
149. Do you believe in ghosts? - yuh 
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? -  the only book i have with me is my science book and thats not interesting at all so lol imma skip this one 
2 notes · View notes
thegodshavehorns · 3 years
Text
Capture the Wind (1/5)
Chapter 1: en prise
The basement of the zodiac church on 8th street is not exactly the fanciest room. Its gray-carpeted flooring bears the stains and scuffs of hundreds of shoes, its fluorescent bulbs make your head hurt when you stare directly at them, and its shrine is one of those cheap paper rotating ones with the gods’ symbols and sigils and not much else. Really, it’s kind of a pathetic place of worship. But this is where the church youth group meets, the preteens and teenagers of the congregation gathering every Zakhday after school for religious discussion and services.
Your name is John Egbert, and you turned fourteen about a week ago. You’ve been going to these church meetings for several months now, and you love it, tacky paper shrine and everything. You’ve never really had friends, before this. You were always a bit of a weirdo at school, not even the class clown (as you'd always aspired to be). You’ve endured your share of bullying by schoolmates, but mostly you’re just kind of ignored.
It's different, here.
Unlike the regular daily service, the god in focus at the youth group changes every week. Today’s prayer session is to the Seer of Mind, and they’ve cleared the chairs to make an open space for worship. You don’t think the Seer is your favorite, but you’ve decided you still like her service, since you get to move your body around while you pray. Worshipping the Seer involves a kind of directed, moving meditation, which is supposed to focus your vital energy and calm your thoughts.
You don’t have to worship the Seer, of course. There’s no rule about it, if you’d prefer to direct your prayers to another god that day. But because most of the others follow the schedule, you do too. It makes you feel like you belong.
Gabe, a junior from the local high school, is leading today’s service. He’s guiding the group as you move awkwardly from one pose to another, and occasionally he reads excerpts from the prayer book. You can tell some of the other kids have been doing this since they were really little, but you’ve only done it maybe once before, so you’re less than adept. But no one makes fun of you or points out that you’re lifting the wrong foot or your shoulders are too tight or whatever. At least not out loud.
“…and the community came together, and said, ‘we shall cast out the evil men and women from our midst, as we cast the evil thoughts from our head,’ and this was justice, and this was rightness…” Gabe droned on.
You probably shouldn’t be thinking so much during this service. The point is to calm your thoughts and let them simply flow away. You are… not so great at that.
Still, it is relaxing. Not all the services are. The Knight’s services can be pretty intense, and that’s to say nothing of the Bard’s! You still think that the Page’s are your favorite, even though they have to set up a fan to get any wind down here in the basement.
“…and with clear head and clear eyes, I turn to you, Seer of Mind, for your most worthy of judgments in all the heavens. Amen.”
Gabe closes the book, and rubs one of his eyes with his fist. “Okay everyone, that concludes the worship for today, let’s bring the chairs back, huh?”
You and the other members of the youth group sigh and stretch, and eventually you all manage to get the tables and chairs set back up. Gabe sits at the head of the table and brings out a piece of paper.
“Okay. Today’s discussion topic: why do we pray?” Gabe smiles slightly, and leans forward. “Anyone?”
The discussion, like most of the post-worship discussions, is not particularly conclusive. You don’t have much to add to it, though you do give it a few moments of thought. Why do you pray? You don’t have much to ask for. You’re pretty content. You have your friends here in church, and you have Colonel Sassacre back home, and you have your movie collection if you ever get bored. You guess you could thank the gods, or affirm them, or maybe pray on behalf of someone else. You rest your chin in your hand and pick at the varnish on the table, half-listening while a sophomore talks about praying for good grades.
The discussion lasts about a half hour, and then the meeting is officially over. You usually hang around after to chat with the other kids, but this time Gabe interrupts before anyone leaves.
“I have a very special announcement,” he says. “The Art Museum in Spokane is opening up a new wing on intergalactic artists in a few weeks, and none other than the Sylph of Space herself will be there to consecrate the opening. And I just so happen to have tickets to the event!”
Wait, you could get to see a goddess? A real goddess, not just the symbol on a piece of paper, and like, in person? Meet her? Shake her hand? You’re not sure how to feel about this.
Everyone begins talking at once, chattering to each other excitedly.
“Ok, ok!” calls Gabe, and claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “I know you’re all excited, but guys, shoosh, listen up. Space is limited, so you need to get a parent’s or guardian’s signature on one of these waivers-”
Oh. Oh.
You won’t be seeing a real goddess. There is no freaking way that your dad will sign one of those. Ha ha.
You take one anyway, because everyone else does, then climb the stairs out of the basement. Once you’re outside, Anna, a girl in your grade with short, mousy-brown hair, approaches you. “This is so exciting!” she gushes. “I can’t believe it, Spokane is only a few hours away!”
You’ve spoken to Anna a few times before. You know that she goes to private school and likes to sing. “Yeah,” you say, and sigh dramatically. “I will actually be a few hours away from a goddess.”
She frowns. “Don’t be like that, John! I'm sure there'll be room for you!”
You shake your head. “There is no way my dad will let me go.”
“You sure? It’s not that far.”
“It’s not that.” You rub the back of your neck, and look away from Anna. “Dad is an atheist. He doesn’t even know I come here.”
Anna stares. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, seriously. He never even let me go trick or treating. How lame is that? What kind of dad won’t let their kid go out for Hallowhonk?”
Anna blinks in surprise. “Oh wow, you’re serious. That’s awful!”
You smile. “It’s okay. I really like it here. It’s fun to learn about gods and stuff. Anyway,” you chuckle. “Dad thinks I go to bowling club after school.”
You both share a laugh about that, but Anna still looks like she’s feeling sorry for you. “Look,” she says. “Why don’t you just tell your dad that you’ve found meaning in worship?”
You shake your head. “No way. He wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” she says. “That’s too bad.” You both stand there for a moment. Anna looks at her shoes. Then, she smiles. “Well, if he ever changes his mind, you can, you know, come over to my house for Passover, maybe?”
“Dude, that would be awesome,” you say, “But I don’t think that is ever going to happen.”
Anna sighs. “Okay. Wish me luck in getting a seat?”
“Good luck, Anna,” you say, and she leaves.
On the way home on the bus, you read the waiver. It’s just the usual brouhaha. List your food allergies and emergency contacts, no liability in case you wander off and get lost, etc.
Your dad is so stupid. This is an opportunity of a lifetime! Not everyone gets to meet the gods. This could be life changing and he’s just…
Well, he’s a hypocrite, for one. Your home has no shrine and you never observe religious holidays or anything, but he collects clowns. Yeah, clowns. If your dad isn’t secretly longing for the Dark Carnival, you’ll eat your glasses.
But still, you’re not going to show him the waiver. Even if you do, and even if he somehow doesn't ground you for going to church behind his back, and even if he signs it, they'll probably run out of space before you get in. The whole thing is stupid.
You look out the window of the bus, at the buildings rolling past. Maybe if you pretend the waiver was for something else? Or maybe if you forge his signature? Can you do that?
Maybe you should have used today’s prayer session to ask for guidance. Except, of course, you didn’t know about the field trip at the beginning.
You crumple the waiver in your fist, and throw it away.
----------------------
You arrive at your house. There was no car in the driveway, which means Dad isn’t home from work yet, which is to be expected. You grab the house key from its hiding place under the light fixture, and walk in.
You freeze in place. There’s someone in the living room, sitting facing away from you, on the couch. It’s not your dad. You can see two horns, bright vibrant orange, sticking out like traffic cones from perfectly cut holes in the intruder’s green hood.
“Hello, John.”
The intruder, who sounds like a woman, does not turn to look at you. Everything you’ve learned about the gods seems to have flown out of your mind. You can’t think straight. This can’t be real. This has to be a prank.
“1T’S NOT 4 PR4NK, JOHN. TH1S 1S FOR R34L.”
Her… her voice. It raises goosebumps all along your arms, and makes you see teal on the backs of your eyelids. There is no way that wasn’t a divine voice.
You don’t know what to say. What can you say? What are you supposed to say when you meet a goddess? Your frazzled brain is trying to remember which goddess has the sacred color of teal.
“Um.” You swallow. “Hi.”
“Come here, John,” she says, with a normal, un-colorful voice. “Have a seat.”
You comply, and sit on the reclining chair across from the couch.
She’s just sitting there, wearing the green hood and the robe with her sigil in blue-green: a circle with three curved lines radiating from its edge. Her skin is gray, her hair black. Her hood covers her eyes and she’s not showing her wings, but you’ve figured out whom she is, now that you see the sigil.
The Seer of Mind smiles politely, and flips a coin with one hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you, John.” She catches the coin.
“Um,” you say. “Does my dad know you are here?”
Shit, that was a really dumb thing to say.
She smiles, more broadly this time. “I’ve heard dumber.”
Oh gods oh gods. She can read your mind.
“And no,” she goes on. “He doesn’t know. Let’s keep it that way, for now.”
She flips the coin again. You try to remember how you're supposed to treat important guests.
“So, uh, what can I do for you, Seer of Mind? You want anything to drink? We have uh, coke, and milk, and coffee.”
You’re staring. Stop staring.
The Seer of Mind tilts her head up so you can see her sunglasses, and the red sightless eyes behind them. “Cherry Coke,” she says, and you jump to your feet to get her some.
You run, maybe too fast, to the kitchen. You can’t believe this. This is crazy and intense and way too weird. It’s like meeting Nick Cage, but way more so. They’ll never believe you in church.
You quickly grab a can of cherry coke and run back to the living room, realizing too late that you probably should have offered ice, too. Shoot.
You give the goddess her coke. Instead of opening it with the tab, she rips a hole straight through the metal with her teeth.
You freeze. You’re not going to lie, that was pretty badass. And terrifying.
She drinks for several seconds while you just stand there, then says; “Don't worry about stocking up on the Coke. I'll bring my own next time."
Did she just imply what you think she did? “Next time?” you ask.
She smiles, sharp teeth like a shark. “You sound like you're not looking forward to it. Don't you like me?"
Oh. Shit. “Uh, not to be ungrateful, Lady Justice. I guess I am just a little nervous. How can I help you?”
She flips her coin and catches it with one hand, still sipping on the coke with the other.
“Everyone starts getting weekly visits from their favorite deity when they turn fourteen, didn’t you know?”
Your mouth falls open. They didn’t tell you that, but-
“You are joking with me,” you say. “That definitely does not happen at all.”
The goddess frowns, and a chill goes up your spine. “Are you implying that a goddess would lie to you?” she says. “Have a little shame, John Egbert.”
You hold up your hands defensively. “No! No, no, that’s not what I meant! Joking is not the same as lying, because everyone knows when you are joking. Or, they find out really soon.”
“So, in that case, let us consider the evidence, John,” says the Seer, once again showing fangs. “If I am not here as a matter of course, why would I be here? In your house? Just for you?”
And before you answer, she goes on; “It’s not to dispense parental permission slips, I can assure you.”
Well, you weren’t going to ask for that. You wanted to meet a goddess and here she is, so maybe she’s here to answer your prayers that way? Or maybe…
“I didn’t pray or anything during worship today,” you confess. “Are you angry because of that?”
“Yes, John,” she replies. “I personally make it my business to punish those who are too lazy to pray. It is clearly the best use of my time.”
You chuckle nervously. You think maybe you’re starting to get a handle on the goddess’ sense of humor. “Okay, I guess I’m lost, then. I give up. Why are you here?”
The Seer flips the coin and catches it. “There are several ways I can answer that question. There is a god in your house because you are very special. I am in your house also because you are very special. But these are two different kinds of special. Put another way, some of us gods are interested in you, John, because you have a grand destiny before you. And, being interested, we want to make sure you don’t fuck it up. But me? I’m here because I think you’re fascinating.”
Your mouth falls open slightly. What? There has to be a mistake here.
The Seer continues, flipping the coin again. “John, there have been a few times, in the past fourteen years, when you have surprised me. These times are few and far between, but they exist. I know you don’t have any real appreciation of what that means, but let me say it again: I cannot predict your actions one hundred percent of the time. And, destiny aside, that makes you a very interesting person.”
You swallow. This is totally crazy, but also kind of awesome. “Well,” you say, after taking a few minutes to absorb the Seer’s words. “I was not expecting to be told that I had a grand destiny when I woke up this morning.”
She nods in acknowledgment.
“So…” You trail off. “What is it? Am I going to be the best comedian in the galaxy?”
“Just one galaxy?” she says, arching an eyebrow. “That’s as far as you’ll let your dreams take you?”
You rub the back of your neck. You can’t seem to say anything right in this conversation. “I have never been off world,” you venture as an excuse.
The Seer catches her coin. “Let me put it like this. If you do what you're supposed to, then an entire universe might regard you as the greatest comedic genius to ever live. In fact, and I'm not exaggerating, you may even go so far as to define comedy from that point on.”
“What?” That doesn’t make any sense to you. “Are you joking? You’re sure it’s me? Because I do not know if you have ever read Colonel Sassacre, but he is pretty definitive on comedy-” No, stop. You sound like an idiot.
The Seer’s voice is low and quiet. “Future generations will only know of Colonel Sassacre because you tell them about him.”
You blink. People will forget about Sassacre? You’re not sure how to feel about that.
“Are you beginning to grasp the weight of your destiny?” the Seer asks.
You steeple your fingers and look at them. “Maybe? I guess I am still kind of getting used to the fact that the Seer of Mind is in my living room, heh...”
“Well get used to it, John Egbert!” The goddess stands up abruptly, and whoa, she’s tall. She steps close, way too close, and then you’re looking directly into her face, the divine gray skin and the red eyes. When she speaks, you can feel the goddess’ breath on your skin. “You’re going to be seeing a whole lot more of me.”
Okay, this is an invasion of your personal space. You swallow. “Oh. Gosh. I’m honored.”
She’s still too close. “You haven’t asked about the catch, John. I didn’t expect you to, but you really should.”
Oh. “What’s the catch?”
She smiles again, her teeth mere inches from your nose. “You are not to pray to any of the other gods, under any circumstances. You will not write about them, nor will you speak their names and titles.”
Oh. Shit. You won’t be able to go to church, then. You won’t be able to see your friends. You’ll have to tell them somehow, but if you can’t TELL them…
“I do not require that you pray to me,” the Seer goes on. “I just need to know if, despite your unpredictability, you can follow instructions and keep secrets.”
“Wait,” you start, but the Seer interrupts.
“There is another option, of course.” She steps back, giving you back your personal space, and flips her coin. “I can leave, and we can pretend this never happened. We never met. We’ll never meet again.” She smiles, this time without showing teeth. “I know what you're going to say, of course. But that doesn’t mean it’s not your choice.”
You blink. She’s giving you a choice? I mean, she IS a goddess, and it would really not be a smart thing to say no.
“Well,” you say. “I think this is just about the most amazing thing that's ever happened, I just, wow, I feel like I'm about to be punk’d or something, or like I'm dreaming. I’m not dreaming though, there is no way I would dream up something like this.”
The Seer just waits for you, and you take a deep breath. “Okay, I will do it. If it’s my destiny or whatever.”
She smiles. “Then just remember. This was your choice, John.”
You swallow. That sounds really ominous.
The Seer turns, and opens the door to the outside. Then, without looking at you, she says, “Also, do think about how you're going to explain this to your father.”
“Huh?” You're very confused now. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to tell him about this?”
She shakes her head, still facing away. “No, but you're going to do a terrible job of keeping this a secret from him. He's smarter than you think he is.” She moves a hand up to adjust her hood. “You have four months, one week, and three days before he confronts you.”
And then, before you can reply, teal butterfly wings unfurl from her shoulders, much wider than the doorway. She steps outside, and is gone in the space of blinking.
You stare at the empty doorway for several long moments before you realize you forgot to ask her for an autograph.
0 notes
barnowl98 · 6 years
Text
AYYYY I’m going to share my mental health story
I was watching a thing on youtube about someone who was sharing their story, and I decided I wanted to do that too. This may contain triggers, but if you do decide to read it, read it all the way through. 
You should know that I’ve only ever told a few people about this, I’ve never told any of my friends off the internet, or my parents, and it should be noted that I HAVE NOT TALKED TO NOR AM I A PROFESSIONAL. I SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN PROFESSIONAL HELP AND IF YOU ARE CAN RELATE TO ANY OF THIS STUFF GET HELP, TRUST ME I WISH I HAD BUT THERE WERE OTHER CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND MY CONTROL AND A LOT THAT I KNOW NOW THAT I DIDN’T KNOW THEN. SERIOUSLY, IT CAN’T HURT SO JUST DO IT.
But seriously, it’s taken me a long time to get to a point where I can share this, and even now it’s only on a somewhat anonymous post where no one I actually know will ever find it. 
Now that I’m done yelling at you, I can start. 
Sooo... the first thing that should be known is that one of my family members is borderline (actually maybe not even borderline, they may have crossed that line but I don’t know) abusive, not physically, but mentally. I’ve been told I’m worthless, ugly, useless, never going to be happy, my whole life. I’m overweight, and always have been. When I was 9 this person tried to convince me to basically not eat anything, and I almost bought their argument until they told me I would never be happy if I was fat. 
When I was little I would write short cute stories, and as far as I remember they weren’t bad, and when I let this person read them, they would always laugh. I thought they were laughing at the stories.       Turns out they were laughing at my spelling mistakes. I found out when I asked them to read my essay for school. They laughed at it. It wasn’t funny. I told them I wanted to be an author when I grew up. They told me I could never be an author because I was to fat. Thats when I stopped worrying about my weight. That statement, that I couldn’t write because I was fat, was just so BS that even I could tell it wasn’t true. 
But the thing is: if someone tells you these things, every few days, for years, you start to wonder if they’re right. Especially if this is an authority figure. I promised myself then that I was going to prove them wrong. I still am working on that promise. I write as much as I want, and I do what makes me happy, and the day after I can consider myself happy is the day I start a diet. Is it physically healthy? No. But as I’ve grown I realized that even before I knew what mental health was, I was putting it first. Its more important to be happy than it is to be happy. 
Anyway thats that part of the basic info. The other part is that in elementary school I had a best friend. We became friends in first grade, and by 4th we were nearly inseparable. Except that apparently she wanted nothing to do with me. I don’t know what happened. She won’t tell me. Did I say something or do something? I still don’t know. All I know is that one day we were fine and the next day on the playground she told me not to talk to her again. 
I don’t know, maybe its just my kind of personality, but that completely destroyed me. Like its one thing if you don’t like me because of something, but to go from being my best friend to nothing with no explanation... I still don’t know what I did, and that still bothers me. Now I’ve guessed that it was probably peer pressure since all the other girls in our class came to me 3 days later and told me they also wanted nothing to do with me. But I didn’t really care about them, they were only my friends because of her, but I do remember sitting on the playground when they told me all of they're little speech and I just remember crying and asking why. I said why so many times. They wouldn’t answer. After that I was left with one guy who also didn’t understand what was going on, and he pretty much saved my life the first time. He made it a goal to make sure I smiled every day. And I did because of him, but I also started into depression and social anxiety.
 About a month after the end of our friendship, this girl comes back and thinks we can go back to being best friends, and I was like Bitch excuse you? But also I couldn’t talk to her. I didn’t know it then, but now its completely obvious. I had anxiety attacks when I tried to talk to her. 2 times I actually blacked out. I don’t think i fainted, but I remember being terrified when one second I was trying to talk to her, and the next thing I know I’m in a completely different place, but I have no memory of what happened, just a sense that time had passed. Its fucking terrifying, especially if you don’t know what’s happening. 
But this girl, she doesn’t give up. We wrote notes back and forth for 2 years. She always insisted that she did want to be friends again and she was sorry for what happened. She never told me why though, and thats most of why it took 2 years. When I finally was able to talk to her again we became pretty close friends again. By then I had made friends with another girl, and the boy I had been friends with kind of headed towards hanging out with other guys. It was middle school, girls had cooties again. This other girl deserves a name because she literally saved me. But since I don’t have her permission, we’ll just call her Ash. Ash, “Her” and I were friends for a while, and it was great. That year I also got invited to a leadership conference in Washington DC for a week (which, side note, I think I had a nightmare that they were trying to sue me over the events that happened that I will now describe, so I’m going to be very careful about not mentioning the name. Don’t sue me, none of this is my fault.) So that spring I got on a plane with my aunt and went to WA DC. The conference thing was great. I got to see lots of places and we went all over and learned lots. The food was not great, so I didn’t really eat. I thought it was ok to skip eating so much since I was overweight. I WAS WRONG DO NOT EVER THINK THAT’S OK YOUR BODY THINKS ITS STARVING AND GOES INTO SURVIVAL MODE AND ACTUALLY WON’T LET YOU LOOSE ANY WEIGHT AND MAKES YOUR BRAIN NOT WORK RIGHT AND SUCH. This was just one of the factors. Another was my roommates. We were assigned rooms in groups of 4 with other kids from around the country. I should mention that this trip was kind of expensive, and I was lucky to raise the money to go, but almost everyone else there was rich. I got roomed with 2 rich... I’m just going to say it. Bitches. Fuck them. I’m getting ahead of myself. The other girl was like eh whatever I’m going to sleep. The 2 girls decided that instead of like just sleeping or whatever, it’d be fun to make my life living hell for the week. Now I’d been bullied at my school. I mean the best example is all the girls from the previous story shunning me. But the thing about my school is that they don’t do the bullying directly to the face. They might whisper behind your back, but they would never say it to your face. These girls were not that kind. They stole my stuff, they wouldn’t leave me alone, they kept watching tv so loud I couldn’t sleep till midnight or 1AM. Thats on top of jet lag. They bullied me into not asking for a room change. Finally on the Thursday of that week, I locked myself in the bathroom with my phone. I was crying and hyperventilating, I couldn’t move but I couldn’t stand to stay still. It was terrible. 
That was the point. We were in a room on the 8th floor. There was a window. I wanted to end it all. I didn’t want to go home. I just wanted to stop existing forever. 
But there was this tiny voice in my head begging me to try to get help. I had 2 friends, The girl and Ash, and Ash was kind of known for not being the most reliable person and little more happy go lucky, not really the kind of person that would help in this kind of a situation. This girl was reliable right? Seriously, what happened before was just so out of character for her, theres no way she would leave me literally on the edge. Right? 
I called her. She answered. I was mid anxiety attack and couldn’t really make words, i was just sort of crying into the phone. She didn’t even listen or ask me if I was ok. She yelled at me for calling her so late at night, and she hung up. I called again. I texted her. I told her I needed to talk to her, I told her what was happening. I told her I wanted to say goodbye. 
I decided to call Ash, just as a last resort. And I will tell you one thing about Ash. She has a slytherin exterior and persona, but on the inside she is a hufflepuff. She is the most loyal friend I’ve ever had, and she was ready to kill whoever hurt me. She let me talk to her mom, and she got grounded for a month for being on her phone at night, but she also didn’t care about those things. She cussed out the girls in my room for me. She stayed on the phone with me till morning to make sure I got the rest of the night to sleep. She made sure I was ok. 
And like I wasn’t. I’m still not that ok. I’m still crying even thinking about it. And the other girl? She still gives me anxiety attacks. I avoid her at all costs. Shes not a bad person, in fact I we have a lot of common interests. There was a reason we were such good friends. Now she works in my bank, and I have to go talk to her sometimes, and I always leave the bank on the verge of an anxiety attack. 
And Ash and I aren’t really friends anymore we kind of went into different branches in high school, but I will always be thankful for her. She always has a place in my heart. 
I want to say more about how all this has effected me but honestly I’m exhausted rn. What happened made me who I am, but I think I’d like to change that bit if I could. Its ok to have regrets. Its ok to have problems. Take care of them. Take care of yourself. You will be ok, even if it doesn’t seem like it now, and it will take time. You won’t be ok next week, or next month, or maybe even next year. Maybe not 10 years from now. But eventually one day you’ll think back and realized that hey, you’re ok. Its ok. And then you can let it go. And thats ok. Everythings ok in the end. I love you. Its late and night. I’m going to sleep now. Seriously, I love you, especially if you think no one else does. I would love to talk to anyone who I can, but tbh find a professional, I’m just a young adult who doesn’t know anything and I tend to mother hen ppl with problems and thats not good for my choice to put my happiness first, and also I don’t consistently get tumblr messages, but there are plenty of free emergency health lines, some even that you can text to, so google one up and get help. Seriously, its worth finding help. Your life is worth it. I promise. 
Sorry for spelling mistakes there are a lot of red squiggly lines but idc rn
0 notes
Dear best friend, I’m breaking up with you.
Tomorrow I'm going to call you, and I'm going to ask you to not be my maid of honor. I don't know if you'll be sad, mad, relieved, or even happy, but I know you'll be surprised. I know you'll be surprised because you are  a victim in my life that can do no wrong and quite frankly you don't think I'll have the balls to do it. It's a task I know our relationship cannot handle. You'll be surprised because I'm about to shatter 12 years of friendship when we've already been through so much together.  This will be the shittiest thing I might ever do to a person I care about but it needs to happen, I would be lying to both of us if I said I wanted you to be apart of my wedding day much less the most important part of it. You should know why this is happening but you'll be surprised anyway. So I've decided to take a trip down memory lane to tell my side of this story and the events that have lead up to the demise of our relationship, so make a cup of coffee, go to your garage, and make sure you have an entire pack of cigarettes because you will want them. All.
You know the story of how we met, and our versions of that day are the same. It was the first day of my 8th grade year and you were the new 7th grader, we were put into a group project together and we were  inseparable ever since. Until we weren't of course, but that will happen later. You and I were the definition of best friends, we did everything together, talked about everything and everyone, and you even introduced me to my first boyfriend (which ended fabulously, and you tried getting him to hook up with another one of your friends, but you were 13 and I forgive you). My sophomore year of high school I had another friend that encouraged me to get my high school diploma through our local community college, but being the self centered girl you are, got mad and talked me out of it. That was the only time I felt you held me back in life. I could've had an associates degree by the time I was 18 but you wanted to go through high school together so I stayed right where the fuck I was. So we went to homecomings and proms, had classes together when we could, got our drivers licenses a week apart from each other, and talked a whole lot of crap about people we knew and pretended to be friends with.  Both of us got into our first "serious" relationships in high school and both of us almost ended our friendship with those embarrassing tales. As with most people, our first "loves" consume every part of our waking moments, and I was no exception to that. I truly do apologize for how I acted when I met that fool, I put all my eggs in his basket and regretted it for a long time. As life goes people never realize they're making a mistake until it's past and for some, the mistake itself is enough to learn from and you move on. For you however, best friend of mine, you keep repeating this mistake and it has cost you your only friend. 
When you turned 18 you moved out of your mothers house and in with your brother. I had made it through the hardest part of my trade school and so we partied every weekend all weekend. This time in our lives was supposed to be carefree and full of doing nothing together while we figure out what we're going to do with the rest of our lives. But you got a boyfriend. At first it was okay, I didn't mind being a third wheel because when me and you were together your boyfriend was more like the third wheel. But there's always a but. Slowly you began spending all your time with him. Slowly you began ditching me and cancelling our plans for no reason. I take that back, there was a reason, it was that you were doing everything with your new boy. You lived on your own, didn't work for an entire summer and we didn't hangout but one time. Here it is I'm bringing it up for the thousandth time because this story really sets the theme for the remainder of our years together. Picture it, middle of summer, I had no car and no life. You called me one Saturday asking me if I wanted to go to the mall, I asked when you could pick me up and we agreed to be ready in about an hour. I've always been faster at getting ready and you've always been late so I gave you a little over an hour and I called you. You said you were on your way. Another hour goes by, and another, and another. I stood in front of my living room window watching for your car to pull into my driveway, called you at least three times and you just ignored me. Late in the afternoon you finally called me back and informed me that you had already gone to the mall with your boyfriend. No apology. No remorse. That was when I realized I couldn't count on you anymore.
 Even though you insist I am a selfish bitch, I believe myself to be a forgiving person. I think anyone who was treated like shit by their best friend over a guy would just write them off but not me! Not yet anyways. So when your relationship took a turn for the worse I was there for you. That fucking asshole cheated on you, you didn't deserve it, none of what he did to you. But I hate you for not listening to me, not letting me help you, for going from a strong independent woman to the weak little victim you turned yourself into. Less than a year into that wretched relationship you got video proof from the girl he cheated on you with, I remember you balling your eyes out in your kitchen, I remember you going to his work and telling him it was over, and I also remember you staying with him for three years after that. I don't need to go over the gory details of how fucked up that relationship was because you know. What I do need to go over is how it affected you and I. Because of the shitty relationship you kept yourself in you became jealous of the one I was just getting into. 6 months into my new relationship you went around taking a poll of sorts asking our boyfriends friends if they thought me and my boyfriend would last then proceeded to say you didn't think we would. You don't know that I know this, I never confronted you about it because it didn't matter what the fuck you thought. Still, why would you do that? 
The next two years were filled with hate towards each other. We hung out a lot more once your relationship turned south but you took that as an opportunity to chisel away the love I once had for you. These were just a few of the things said about me in those two years "She won't make it on her own" "She's a bitch" "She's in love with me and jealous I'm in a relationship" "She's selfish" "She spends all her boyfriends money". There were so many awful, jaw dropping things I heard from the grapevine that originated in your mouth. I excused most of it, and have forgotten most details, but I remember it was a constant stream of people telling me the things my best friend thought of me. 
It finally happened, you cut the ties you had with your piece of shit and began to move on. You seemed happier, started to gain your independence, and actually apologized to me for the disgusting things you did to me. The apology didn't matter though, I got it and appreciated it, but I wanted my best friend back, not a handful of words that could or could not be genuine. The cracks were still there, and they were too deep, I couldn't fully forgive you yet. I thought they could be mended with a little time and a little effort. They might have, but you got a boyfriend. 
This new guy seems nice, he seems to treat you well enough, and you seem happy. But I wouldn't know first hand because once again I have been thrown to the back burner. I saw you one time this last summer, and it wasn't because we made plans. You blamed me for the fact that we never saw each other over and over again. You planted the seed in my head and I thought maybe you were right, I wasn't trying hard enough to mend our friendship so I made more of an effort, I dropped by your house once a week and called a little more. Then, like the scientist I am, conducted an experiment. I stopped making the extra effort and things went back to normal and we didn't see one another after that. Sure, by me putting in a little effort we could hangout like best friends should, but I'm not the one who needs redemption here. 
When I had my oral surgery you got irritated that you had to come to my house to drop off flea meds to my dogs, in fact you made me walk to your car and get them all the while I'm doped up on pain meds, my mouth is still bleeding, and my face was still swelling. You didn't stop by my house to check on my recovery one time. Earlier that year I went to your house the day you got your wisdom teeth pulled. You wanted to go to Vegas for your birthday in a few months, and you decided to go on a Mexican cruise with your boyfriend and his friends without extending an invitation my way, without even informing me we weren't going to Vegas anymore. Earlier that year we had a Vegas trip planned with some of our friends, but everyone backed out a month before, so I figured I'd give you the option of either still going to Vegas or you, my boyfriend, and I could go on a California road trip like you've always talked about. We went on the road trip. We had plans to go to our local bar a couple days before your birthday but you said you weren't feeling well so I stopped by your house and we hung out for a few hours. Two days later you went out with your boyfriend and his friends, you never got sick. The two Saturdays following the return of your cruise you declined plans I tried to make. You showed up an hour and a half late to my tiny birthday celebration because at the last minute you had to house sit. Before I went on a road trip you said you were going to bring over your new puppy, but you just didn't. You had talked about going to Seattle in a few weeks for some bullshit your boyfriend was dragging you to. My fiancé lived in Seattle so we talked about going up there together, we could drive up there do a few things together, I could hangout with my fiancé while you do your girlfriend duties of pretending to be interested in what your boyfriend is interested in. You were going to get back to me about the dates. Low and behold you went without any word to me about dates. All of this has had me thinking about kicking you out of my wedding for six months. I've even looked up stories of girls who have had a close experience to me. I've wanted to talk to you about it for at least four months, but you head is up your boyfriends ass and I haven't fucking seen you. I got back from my road trip and you had asked if you could come over around 4 o'clock in the afternoon, I said yes, but I wasn't holding my breath. As I predicted you didn't show up, you waited until 7 o'clock to even get in touch with me, and asked if I wanted to go to the bar with you. Of course I said no. And I've heard nothing. Radio silence. That is the straw that broke the camels back. I should've seen it coming, but I thought you learned from your first mistake.
As for the comments you've made about my wedding day... When I first told you I wanted all the bridesmaids to be wearing nude flats you said "You really want to stand out don't you". Earth to best friend! It's MY wedding. Of course I want to fucking stand out I'm 5'1" and my shortest bridesmaids is 5'7". When I told you I didn't care what anyones dress looked like as long as they were all a specific color you said "That's so weird". I'm sorry, I thought I was being nice since you all have different body types and I want you all to be comfortable and maybe have a chance to wear said dress again. Whenever you get married you can do what you think is "normal" but until then alls you have to do is support me. One night you got drunk and said "I'm going to be the hottest one at your wedding". I thought that was my job? And when I brought up having my bachelorette party in Vegas you said "I want to stay in a house". Well why don't you ask me and the rest of my bridesmaids what we think? I've barely even planned anything and you've been a pain in my ass and have done nothing but criticize and made my wedding about you. That's not your job. As maid of honor you just need to keep me calm throughout the process and make sure I make it down the isle. 
You've done a lot for me best friend, you made me strong, more confident, calmed my mind when I needed it. Our friendship wasn't always bad, in fact, in those early years it was a thing people wrote books about. I just can't take it anymore. I'm tired of fighting with you. I'm tired of seeing your oh so public snap stories of you going out with friends and quickly noticing I never got the invite. I'm tired of seeing the instagram pictures of you and your boyfriend because it is a friendly reminder that yet again you chose a guy over your best friend. Again. I have told you straight to your face that you're doing it. I've told you you're up your boyfriends ass, and we don't hang out, but you either deny it or shrug it off and I'm tired of that as well. So I'm going to take the initiative and finally shatter our fragile friendship. You've proven to me you don't need a best friend and in turn I realized I don't want you to be my best friend. When all you have left is your boyfriend and his friends with no personal identity of your own and you come to me asking for help, I will not respond. To make up for all the times you did the same for me. And please don't be surprised.
Sincerely, ​Your ex best friend.
0 notes