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formulinos · 3 years

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Hyperfixation Corner | Rush 2 - Senna x Prost Jean-Marie Balestre

"We had, in my opinion, two very bad [championships] in 1989 and 1990. They were a consequence of unbelievable politics." This week, we're going to take a peep at the beef that any other racing duo ever wished they had, and how a third party took it way too far.

prologue: guess who? part 1: [hayley williams voice] how did we get here? part 2: xv fuji television japanese grand prix part 3: high above orders part 4: déjà vu, or xvi fuji television japanese grand prix epilogue: if you no longer go for a gap that exists

Let's go on this deep dive again, shall we?

Prologue: Guess Who?

Before I start today’s story, let’s refresh our minds on the key players and where were they at the time, shall we?

Alain Prost: half of McLaren's star duo, Prost had managed to win back to back titles before a shit 4th place in 1987 (for his standards at least). Known as "The Professor" for his technical knowledge and pragmatic racing technique, Alain was the water for the quota of F1 fans who thirsted for Frenchmen and were part of tumblr's teacher crush community.

Ayrton Senna: SENNA 🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷 had made a name for himself by overdriving his cars in his previous stints in Toleman and Lotus, managing a miraculous 3rd in 87 (ahead of Prost). The yang to Prost's yin, Senna was all about being fast as fuck and the romanticism of pushing to the limit every single time.

Ron Dennis: the glue that held the McLaren drivers together, except the glue was more like lube. Dennis was team principal and in fact, McLaren's owner since the early-80s, getting their shit back together and cementing it as one of the best teams on the grid. He got the dream team in Senna/Prost and then it turned out the dream was a nightmare induced by superdosing on Ambien.

Jean-Marie Balestre: President of the FISA (Federation Internationale du Sport Automobile), the FIA subsection that was responsible for regulating all competitions since 1978. He was also the FIA president (a bit useless to have one president for both federations then? whatever). He was quite notorious for being authoritarian and not taking criticism, to the point where in the earlier 80s there was a big scrape between his crew and the teams over who got to control F1. This became known as the FISA-FOCA war and it's the reason why we have Concorde Agreements to this day. I think he legit felt he was the Don Corleone of F1, but he was more of a Michael type without being hot as 70s Al Pacino. (He also was part of the French SS during WWII, which means he was a Nazi, but he said he was a hidden agent for the Allies, anyway.)

Part 1: [Hayley Williams voice] HOW DID WE GET HERE?

In order to talk 1989, we need to have lived 1988 first: Senna joined McLaren - supposedly, by Prost's recommendation - and brought with him a very sexy Honda engine. The result of this unholy union was the MP4/4, sponsored probably by Satan himself and winning 15/16 races, 15/16 pole positions and 10/16 fastest laps. So, it's clear that they had the best car, but also with the two best drivers of their time, who managed to get the best out of it?

Senna. It was Senna, who managed to win one (1) more race than his teammate. This is how Prost looked after the guy he personally asked for the team to hire made him and everyone else in the grid look like a bitch:

Needless to say, the Gatorade was BOILING for the 1989 season and these two were about to add the ramen and cook one of the most darksided meals F1 fans would ever have. Prost was getting into his second year dry spell, Senna wanted to defend his title, one was French, the other was Brazilian and their team boss was Ron Dennis. I would like to thank God for her infinite wisdom because you just KNOW she was thinking about that when she asked for the tiktaalik to leave water.

What I like SO much about Senna/Prost is that they were on a mission, they took no time. This isn't a case of a relationship slowly deteriorating over multiple years, they were down for a spectacular crash and burn. Through the whole season shit would happen, one got a podium, the other retired, one talked shit, the other replied, people got dragged in the middle, etc. If I do a race-per-race recap, we'll be here until the next pandemic starts, so I'll just highlight 4 key moments of the whole lead-up to the title decision: San Marino, Monaco, Mexico and Italy.

San Marino: McLaren got a 1-2 in qualis and the lads shook hands over the agreement that whoever got the better start would get their lead respected at the first corner and they wouldn't be challenged later on. Race starts, Ayrton gets ahead and Alain in second etc, but 3 laps later Gerhard Berger goes into flames on Tamburello (yep, that one), red flagging the session. Berger, if you're reading this by the way, thank you for your cooperation through 1989, wouldn't have been the same without you. They restart the session and this time, Prost gets the lead. This turns into the Ross/Rachel "We were on a break" of F1, because in Senna's POV he should be entitled to the lead since he had the better start on that first lap before the accident, while Prost believed that his was the lead because he got the best restart. Either way, the sirens were off and the McLaren employees got the presidential alert: THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING message on their screens.

The clowns obviously fought into Tosa (turn 3), Senna took the lead (AGAIN) and won the race. Prost got second and of course the mood was just very friendly and chill on the podium

Monaco: Prost went on the news to spill the Imola tea, adding that he and Senna weren't on speaking terms. John Hogan, the lad responsible for Marlboro's F1 presence as we know it, actually confirmed that they had a deal made. Senna replied with his side of things and even added "well, anyway, we fought on turn 3, not on turn 1" AS IF THAT WOULD MAKE IT ANY BETTER LMAO. Actually, I have to stan Alain because that whole season Alain would basically leave the car straight into the journalists and just let it all out like this

The race itself started with another McLaren 1-2, Senna got the lead again and Prost was left in second to deal through the race with other men having their personal side quests: Piquet and de Cesaris had a lil clash after they got each other and that caused some traffic that affected Prost more than Senna. Not only that, but Prost's former teammate Arnaux decided that was the perfect moment to get some lil revenge, a lil vendetta, and refused to let him past even though there were blue flags everywhere (he later claimed there was some car issues and James Hunt called bullshit on live television lol). The race ended w Senna 1-2 Prost and the lead that had been built by the Brazil fiasco was done

Mexico: This was just RACE 4 OF THE YEAR and we already had Civil War in McLaren. Both of the drivers had even more to fight for - Senna wanted to keep his pole-win streak and Prost wanted to break it - and Alain was openly dissatisfied. They had the 1-2 again with Senna ahead and it was up to them to battle for the win. Prost had the pace to catch up to Senna and they were in the same car, but by the end, Senna had to allow Prost to unlap himself. Why was that so weird? Well, I'd like to give you a lil word on air.

TECHNICAL BREAK - AIR

As much as I would love to, we don't live in a world of nothing. We can't see it, but air *is* there and in the world of Formula 1, there are two challenges: how to get over it and how to use it to your advantage. This is where Aerodynamics kick in with the concepts of drag, downforce and slipstream.

Before I talk about anything, yep, I know. My Photoshop stills are unrivalled. Back to the subject, this is a lovely picture of Stoffel Vandoorne driving the MP4/5 in Japan that I chose to show you the different axis that drag and downforce act. These are both caused by air resistance, that is, air pushing you back somehow because it feels that you're being too cocky. While downforce (orange) acts pushing you back to the ground, drag (blue) tries to send you backwards, and these two inevitably come together due to the nature of the wings, the flaps and the inclination that allows the passage of air through it.

Wings aren't just the thing they keep talking about at Red Bull. Their task is to optimize downforce since the whole pushing you to the ground thing is actually pretty nice and helpful when you get to turns, because the more grip you have the less sbinallas you do. Grip does make you slower on straights though, which is why we hear so much about some cars having a better set up for tracks that have a lot of consecutive turns while others do better on tracks with huge straights. Drag is an inevitable consequence of this search for downforce because since the wings need to be inclined to optimise it, they create air "tunnels" through which it flows under the body of the car, giving it more surface to try to push it back.

We have these two settled, but no man is an island and F1 isn't just about one car doing 50+ laps by himself - even though Mercedes tries to do that every time. When you consider air, you also need to consider how one car behaves behind another. This is where slipstream (and dirty air while we're at it) get in the equation

Slipstreams and dirty air fall on the same principle: one car suffers the impacts of air changes when they're right behind another. For slipstreams, this happens on straights, when the car in front ends up working as a "shield". Roughly, its body works like a deflector sending the disturbed air - aka the air that's all hot and messy and bothered - resulting in a pocket of clean air for the one behind. This grants the car behind less drag and more stability to attack, making it faster than the car in front usually.

While the context is similar in dirty air situations, no it isn't. Dirty air is more pronounced in turns, where the same deflection principle that benefitted the car behind in slipstreams actually hurts it. Now, a greater chunk of the disrupted air goes straight to it and the inverse happens, impacting both drag and downforce properties of the car since as much as you fine tune your car, it can't predict how fucked up the air will be in these moments.

UPDATE [02/03/2021]: my Fluids Mechanics teacher just shared a small cool video that shows very well the way air "wraps" itself around the car and how dirty air really disrupts the flow behind it. Here's a link

END OF TECHNICAL BREAK

You might be asking yourself "OK, Ana, but it's just wind and air". No, this isn't WW84. Here's the thing: Prost's data showed that he had greater pace on turns than Senna, even though he was suffering the dirty air effects. However, whenever they got to the straights, EVEN with slipstream, my guy just couldn't overtake his nemesis. Things got even worse when McLaren revealed later on that Prost's setup had less wing than Senna's, which means he was genuinely supposed to be faster on the straights because he had less downforce gripping him.

If that was the only fuck up then they would have had a 1-2 close enough, but Prost did get lapped at some point because the gods of racing though this man deserved to suffer more and thus someone in McLaren fucked up the tyre compounds during his pitstop and he got even more slowed down until they changed it again. Ron Dennis publicly apologised after the race bc it had been such a disaster, but Alain was livid and he said the thing "listen, if I wasn't able to overtake in the slipstream with the same car, it's because it's not the same car. my engine sucks and i'm being sabotaged". Honda man said later on that Senna's weird braking/revving up technique was why he got more out of the engine than Prost's smooth operations but the damage was done, it was civil war and Prost was resolute in leaving McLaren.

Italy: After Mexico, things got a little more settled down as the lads started alternating their streaks. If Prost won, Senna retired, the 1-2s happened but they were more rare and Senna had a bad streak that lasted for 4 races. In Italy this would happen again with Prost winning and Senna dropping out on lap 44 due to engine issues - that actually happened quite frequently with the Honda V10.

It gets funny when Prost, who had announced previously in July he was quitting McLaren, decided to announce just before M O N Z A he would race for Ferrari in 1990. It gets even funnier when you consider that Ferrari were having one of their worst championships ever with Berger not DNF-ing in only 3 races and Mansell not doing that much better (if you thought 2020 was bad, this was worse. WAY worse. Good news though is that when they did manage to make it to the end, they usually ended up on the podium. Usually. There were some DSQs). Plus, Senna was persona non grata in Italy because he apparently had said no to Ferrari so he could join McLaren. So, for the Tifosi, the Prost win was as close as a Ferrari win as it could get. And in return, Alain gave the people what they wanted. Literally. he threw his trophy to the Tifosi who went wild.

Ron Dennis was SHOOKETH. Not only they had the trophy rule - originals stay with the teams, replicas go to the pilots - but this was a brass act of defiance. My guy had no respect for the boss anymore. It was great, honestly. Apparently Won-Won got mad and threw the constructor's trophy on the ground in front of Prost and stormed off. From that point onwards, these two ALSO stopped talking.

Part 2 - XV Fuji Television Japanese Grand Prix

Back then, F1 counted the 11 best results. Senna had the most wins, but also the most retirements out of these two. That way, the mathematical standings said that he had to win Suzuka in order to keep the title battle alive up until the last round. If he failed to do so, Prost was champion. Tensions were super duper high, no doubt about it.

At that point they knew that the McLaren was the superior car anyway and that it was going to do super well in Suzuka. Prost - his mind ugh it amazes me! - had a true galaxy brain think. He knew that the trick to win was to get over Senna on the first lap and build a gap, since the rest wouldn't be able to match them throughout the race. So, his side of the garage and he decided to remove his Gurney flap, a little tab that sits on the top of the rear wing and redirects the air flow that's going through the wing surface, usually used for the purposes of downforce. For the MP4/5 setup, the Gurney flap granted more downforce and removing it meant more speed on the straights. You can see in the picture below that there is a very tiny black thing in Senna's rear wing (the car behind) that isn't there in Prost's, and that's the Gurney flap.

I am Brazilian, I stan Senna and have very mixed feeling on Williams solely due to my mom's influence as a Senna stan - she even put a black flag on our balcony in 1994 after that thing happened - but I do have to say Prost was so funny I get why people were mad back then but this is just. They took the Gurney flap out after qualis. This is so funny. The profile that that has!!!!The plan worked, and sincerely, even better than expected because the Prost crew were working on the low during Friday and Saturday, which meant Senna got the pole position without even knowing what was coming to him.

Prost just FLEW in right at the start, he just flew. Prior to the pit stops, the gap was over 5 seconds and it seemed easy peasy. A few things happened though: McLaren did good when Senna pitted and the car got more stable; Prost also started slowing down both because of traffic and also because he wanted to bridge the gap to push Ayrton to use up his tyres. All of this meant that Prost managed to open up on straights, but Senna was faster in the corners and therefore, if he wanted to win he'd have to attack on those.

Lap 46 came and with it, the decisive moment. Senna saw a gap open up in the corner right around the chicane and just lunged. Prost, did he do it, didn't he do it? To say he threw his car might be a reach - I'm just not going to affirm I think he did because of the legal implications but I will pepper in the fact I am Brazilian again - but he did act as he told the team he would and defended instead of just letting him past. F1 history was made as the two best drivers of all time back then and teammates managed to hit each other in a fucking chicane.

Prost was DONE. There was no way he could go back to the race. Senna, however by a miracle (or a jest of the Gods) actually still had an engine - fucking Honda - and his damaged front wing wasn't looking that bad. He had track marshals put him back in the race and BOI. They got him on the weaving track right by the chicane. Since the other cars were shit even with all that mess he wasn't that far behind the race leader - not that hard given that 15/26 cars on track had DNF'd at that moment. So, in a brilliant display of talent and bravado, Senna won the race and took the title dispute to Adelaide.

SIKE

Part 3: High Above Orders

I would like to make it clear at this point that even though these guys have displayed legendary messy behaviour, I don't think anyone was a villain here and this was, although petty from both sides - Senna did say at the end of the Mexican Grand Prix that he won because he was "ready for two restarts, if it was necessary". shady. - just competitiveness and a lil bit of homoeroticism. The write-up so far was just to give you some context of how tense the whole season had been so far and why the next actions were REALLY shitty.

The second Senna was back on track, Prost went straight to the stewards as in his POV the move was illegal. As the race went on, they were still discussing the legality of the move, with McLaren representatives and Senna himself later on being summoned and, even more interestingly, before the podium. Yes, that meant that for 20 minutes or so people were completely in the dark, watching the incident being replayed over and over while the stewards mulled over who would take the race victory: Senna or Nanini (runner-up).

Jean-Marie Balestre finally comes in (both metaphorically in this text and in reality as he was in the stewards briefings with McLaren and the two drivers). The decision taken by FISA was to disqualify Senna based on Article 56 of their regulations that stated that this was a fit penalty for the driver who cut through a chicane and was felt to have gained advantage of it. McLaren immediately announced their appeal. Besides the loss of prize money and bonuses for wins from sponsors, they believed that Senna had gained no advantage from cutting the chicane as he had literally lost places from crashing into another dude AND that his release had been a compromise for safety measures. They even had a plethora of instances from the past two seasons where drivers had also gone through a chicane for safety issues and still given the chance to be a part of the podium:

I think their reasons to argue for Senna were valid! It's just funny that Prost was in a corner holding a trophy like "guys, I won the championship" and no one cared lol. You have to feel for the guy, of course McLaren saw it as a Constructors and Drivers Championship but they probably would rather the guy who is staying to win. Honda most likely wanted the guy who wasn't dissing their engine to win. The most annoying nation in the world wanted their guy to win. All you had by your side was a Nazi bitch.

The FISA hearing was held by Balestre himself, who not only maintained the disqualification but also added a 100000 dollar fine and a six-month racing ban on Senna, on the grounds of a "history of dangerous driving," and he pulled the receipts ON EVERY SINGLE INCIDENT SENNA HAD IN HIS CAREER. HE EVEN SAID THAT SHOULD BE A WARNING TO ALL DRIVERS LMAO. PROST WAS JUST VIBING THERE???.

By the time they got to the last round, the appeal was still ongoing and Senna still had a small margin of hope, granted he needed the rulings to be annulled AND the race win. Instead, he voiced publicly that he believed that his DSQ had been a shame to the sport and that Balestre was very clearly favouring his countryman and he was the scapegoat. He also managed to hit Martin Brundle and DNF'd on the last race of the season (don't worry, Prost did too!).

part 4: Déjà Vu, or the XVI Fuji Television Japanese Grand Prix

Well, after a long off-season with McLaren fighting FISA, Balestre threatening not to renew Senna's super license and Ayrton himself considering retirement, somehow they all got their shit together for 1990 and to be fair, Prost and Senna were competing, but they did so while sitting there and eating their food without any issues. Unfortunately for them, the Ferrari was competitive again and about everyone including themselves were interested in settling the score, and in another practical joke of fate, the championship decision was left for Suzuka again.

The banter was on because the scenario was reversed in relation to the year before. Senna had the advantage here, 9 points in the lead, while Prost needed to win it to keep his hopes alive for Australia. Quali comes and Senna bags pole again! The only issue was that pole position in Suzuka was on the dirty side of the track… the same as it ever was back then…. and Ayrton decided that was a good moment to complain about it.

Why was my guy so mad about this? Well, because Prost was right by his side in P2, on the clean side. Although pole position sounds nice, the clean side is the one with the racing line preferred by the drivers, which means that there is where all the rubber dropped by the tyres sits all weekend - unless it gets washed away by the rain, of course - and that grants extra grip in comparison to the side that has nothing (ironic how the dirty side is the one that actually is… clean). It wasn't a matter of P2 having the grip, it was a matter of Prost having the grip and the better line to start, and he went to the stewards over it.

At first FISA actually conceded, but Balestre came in again and blocked the move, adding that the drivers wouldn't be able to go through the pit exit line to set themselves up for attacking on the first corner. To make matters better, at the drivers briefing Piquet brought up chicanes and what should be the standard procedure for missing it. Everyone agreed that the driver who did that should be stopped and let go when safe to do so, going through the escape route if necessary. SENNA WAS PISSED! LIVID! No one had taken him seriously a year ago and now he had to witness everyone coming to terms with that? Screw you guys, he's going home leaving the briefing.

It was clear to the homeboy that he was on his own and the plot was plotted. Race day came, Prost got the better start but that was a ruse, a ploy, as a few meters later Senna would just kamikaze both of them out of the race.

Honestly, everyone knew it was revengé, especially with how both cars were ruined just enough so that none of them could get back on track. Ron Dennis knew, Prost knew, Balestre knew, my mom knew, my unborn self knew but Senna kept his cool like "oh what a shame the championship had to end this way XD". To be fair, he did feel guilty later on but he couldn't help being an aries! Prost rant to the press about how it was a disgrace and Senna lost his humanity, but sincerely, what could Balestre do if not allow it to pass as [Charles Leclerc voice] just an inchident? Nothing that would have to force him to admit his wrongdoings in 1989 - which he later came to do in 1996 before leaving his role as president of both FIA and FISA. Congrats Senna, you won the championship again.

Epilogue: If You No Longer Go For A Gap That Exists

Ayrton still had to take the flack for his actions through the rest of his career - not unlike Prost whose own prowess in the sport still gets unfairly shadowed by his ungrateful role as the villain in Senna's main arc - and I feel that a good way to sum things up is with the very infamous interview with Sir Jackie Stewart.

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As much as the "if you no longer go for a gap that exists, you're no longer a racing driver" gets mocked to this day, the key aspect of the whole speech is "because we are competing". Senna makes it clear here that accidents could happen and that he could have lapses of judgment, but the gaps are conditioned to the other people that he's racing with. In subtext - not that subtle considering that this was shot in Adelaide - Senna knew Prost and Prost knew Senna. They both were aware of exactly how far they would be willing to go and that had always been the basis of their contemptuous relationship and it always had to be like that for them because they were competing.

They were rivals, and sure that 89-90 made it very easy for them not to like each other and get lost in the game, but they were never enemies and even though they still had issues - most noticeably, Prost blocked Senna's move to Williams in 93 because he did not wish to be his teammate again. How funny. - by the time that Senna passed away, they had settled their differences and Ayrton actually asked him to come back. The one person who in all of this overstepped the line was Jean-Marie Balestre, who used his influence as the head of a supposedly impartial entity to interfere in a battle that was none of his business.

note: I'm sorry for the delay! I took a bit more of my time writing this than necessary and got lost in a few personal matters as well. I hope you all enjoyed this and I hope to hear your feedback again :D See you next week!

#f1 #ayrton senna #alain prost #ron dennis #jean-marie balestre #mclaren #1989 japanese gp #1990 japanese gp #guys i'm sorry i'm so late i decided to make animations that flopped #ANYWAY A LOT OF WORK I WATCHED LIKE 3 DOCS FOR THIS AND READ HALF THE INTERNET #i tried to come out less shady towards prost but you know.#hyperfixation corner

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dbnightingale24 · 3 years

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It Wasn’t Supposed To Go This Far

Chapter 3

Look at me!! Posting more than one chapter of a story this week!!! YAYAYAYAY!!! Thank you so much to @pagesoflauren for helping with this chapter and for putting up with me (ya saint). I hope you all enjoy!!

Warnings: Swearing, Smoking, Arguing, Jealousy, Angst, Dialogue heavy...I’m pretty sure that’s all.

Song(s) That Inspired This Chapter:

My Limb - Hayley Williams

Word Count: 2235

I do not give consent to have my works/stories posted anywhere else.

The sunlight crept through the blinds in Steve’s room and begrudgingly woke Vanessa. She squinted, groaned, and rolled over before wrapping herself tight in Steve’s sheets. She knew it shouldn’t, but the fact that Steve’s bed sheets smelled so much like him brought her comfort. He always brought her comfort. While she had always felt a bit of resentment towards him for just getting over her so quickly, she would have been lying if she said she didn’t find solace in his friendship. Being around him always felt like being home. Something she had never felt with Bucky.

She closed her eyes and rolled around for a bit, letting herself get lost in Steve’s scent. She had been guilty of a few harmless crimes during her relationship with Bucky, but the main one was imagining that she was with Steve instead of Bucky. Especially when Bucky pissed her off.

Bucky. He had gone from being her knight in shining armor to a complete stranger to her. The whole routine just felt like a one-trick pony show at this point. Why accept an apology for shitty behavior when you know the person is going to do it again? No, she wanted to take the day to just sit at home to sit, sulk, and ponder. Maybe it really was time for her to call it quits. They had both given it a fair shot, but you can’t force what isn’t meant to be. She learned that lesson from watching her own parents.

She started thinking that maybe she should just stay single for a while. Better yet, she thought that she should stay away from superheros forever. Steve hadn’t proven to be much better. The minute Bucky put up a little competition, he backed off completely. Making her feel foolish for thinking there was something there. After years of her waiting for him to do...something. No, all superheros were proving to be were super pains in her ass.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard the door to Steve’s room open softly, and a very sweaty Steve quietly made his way in. “I take it training went well?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“I was already awake. My brain won’t shut the fuck up…sorry, I know you don’t like swearing.”

“As many times as you’ve sworn around me, it’s not a big deal anymore. I’m trying to be more chill.”

“You can start being “more chill” by never saying that again.”

“Ha ha,” he teased as he threw his shirt at her “how are you feeling?”

Vanessa had seen him shirtless a million times, but she’d never get over it. “Uh I’m okay, I guess. I just want to go home. I know what he’s up to and I’m in no mood for it.”

“He doesn’t mean to be so blunt and mean. He does love you.”

“You know who it’d be nice to hear that from, Steve? Buck. Also, it would be nice if his explanations weren’t cloaked in excuses. We’ve been together long enough that he should know better.”

“He’s been-”

“I know, Steve. He’s been through a lot. I know and I do my best to be patient, but he doesn’t fucking talk to me about shit. He will talk about literally everything except his feelings and I’m tired of it. Ugh, now I’m just catching an attitude. None of this matters; I just wanna go home. I just need to think and-”

“Hey, can we talk for a bit?” Bucky questioned, poking his head into Steve’s room.

“I’d really rather not” Vanessa snapped back, instantly turning her gaze back to the window.

“I’m sorry Steve, would you mind if we borrowed your room for a minute?” Bucky whispered, as Vanessa pulled the covers over her head.

“Yeah, I need to take a shower anyway,” Steve mumbled before heading out and closing the door.

“Ness, I’m sor-”

“Save it, Buck. I’m not in the mood to do any of this today. I just want to go home and spend the day by myself,” Vanessa mumbled, grabbing her phone and checking the time.

“We can’t fix this if you’re not willing-”

“You really wanna make this my fault right now? That’s how you’re approaching this situation?” she growled.

“I’m not. I know this is my fault and I just want to fix this. I want us to get past this.”

“I really can’t do this. I can’t and I don’t want to. It’s going to turn into the same argument it always turns into and it’s exhausting. I’m exhausted and I just need space right now.”

“Sounds like you have no problem talking to Steve about it.”

“Here we fuckin' go. C’mon, get it out. It always comes back to Steve.”

“Because you talk to him!”

“I talk to him because he talks to me! You want me to sit here and just hold everything in all the damn time! I’ve been holding things in for three years! What else do you expect from me? What do you want from me, Buck? Hmm?”

“For you to just give me-”

“Space? Time? Understanding? What haven’t I given you in the past three years? What have I been so sorely lacking in? You don’t want me to talk about our relationship to the few friends I have outside of your friends , you get mad when I talk to your friends, and then you don’t ever tell me about the demons you’re fighting or how you feel. So, what the fuck else would you like for me to do? How much longer do I need to hold in my frustrations and not talk to anyone about how I’m feeling?”

“You weren’t always this difficult.”

“Neither were you! You’ve changed! I obviously don’t know what happened while I was gone because of the Snap, but something in you changed,” she huffed, as Bucky turned his the other way. Trying to hide how annoyed he was getting. He was the one who wanted to talk. “You’re not my best friend anymore! Half the time it feels like you’re my worst fucking enemy! We don’t have fun anymore, we don’t hangout, we don’t watch shitty movies, and we sure as fuck don’t make love like we used to! You changed on me and it feels like you’re holding me hostage! This isn’t fair to me and you know it! It’s not like this is some short term bullshit, it’s been this way for a while and you know it!”

“You know that dating an Avenger-”

“I would advise you to tread very lightly, Buck,” Vanessa growled through gritted teeth.

“What? You knew that dating an Avenger comes with its fair share of sacrifices. You knew what you were getting into.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? That’s the hill you wanna die on?! Yes Buck, I did know that dating an Avenger came with its fair share of sacrifices and setbacks. What I didn’t know was that I’d have to put up with an emotionally unavailable boyfriend. A boyfriend that won’t even talk to a therapist, let alone his fucking girlfriend. Stop setting the scene with me as being overbearing and dramatic! I know I can be a bit much at times, but at least I’m fucking trying! You do the same shit every time we argue and I’m fucking tired of it! Jesus, why do you fight so hard if you’re not willing to change?!”

“Because I love you,” Bucky stated softly. “I am willing and I’m trying-”

“It’s the same thing every time, Buck!” Vanessa exclaimed, tears brimming her eyes. “You want me to love you without reservation, but you make it damn near impossible. I can love you with all that I have in me, but none of this works if you don’t start letting me in.”

“Can we please-”

“I just want to go home. I’ll call you later. Please let Steve know that I’ll be waiting outside” she huffed, wiping her eyes and getting out of bed.

“I can take you home, babe.”

“I don’t want you to,” Vanessa sighed, before pushing her way past Bucky.

Putting on her shoes and grabbing her purse, she quickly made her way out of Steve’s room. When she got to the common room, she saw that everyone was sitting on the sofa. She knew that they had heard the whole thing, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. It definitely wasn’t the first argument they had heard and if her relationship was on its way out, at least everyone heard her side of it.

By the time Steve had made his way out, Vanessa had riffled through two cigarettes. She couldn’t wait to give up the nasty habit…again. Steve gave her a weak smile and she just nodded in response.

“Well, it’s a nice summer day so you have options.”

“About?” Vanessa questioned, raising an eyebrow and placing a hand on her hip.

“How I get you home.”

“Oh? Let’s hear it Rogers” she laughed, crossing her arms.

“Motorcycle or car?”

“Now that’s a tough choice,” Vanessa laughed, “how about the car this time, but I’ll hold you to a motorcycle ride before the end of summer?”

“Whatever you want, Doll,” he smiled. “Ready?”

“Yes, please,” Vanessa all but groaned as she quickly made her way over to him.

The car ride was silent for the most part. Vanessa just stared out the window while Steve tried to think of the right thing to say.

“I don’t think you were wrong,” he muttered softly.

“Hmm? What about?” Vanessa questioned, turning her attention to him.

“I hear both sides of the arguments more than anyone else. Especially with Bucky. You’re not wrong and he has become a bit much to deal with. I’m not trying to butt in or anything, I just don’t feel like you’re wrong in anything that you said. None of it is fair to you.”

“Would you mind telling him that?”

“I have,” Steve laughed softly as he pulled up to her apartment complex. “We got into an argument and we didn’t speak for a few days.”

“Why the argument?”

“He said some things and I said some things...it doesn’t matter. Anyway, he came around a few days later and said he would do better. That was...two months ago?”

“Well, thanks for trying,” Vanessa laughed, shaking her head at the thought of the two arguing over her.

“It will get better and he’ll come around. Still, it’s not right for him to put you through all of this and I’m sorry.”

“It’s really okay,” she sighed. Just then, a thought popped into her head. “Hey, what are you doing for the rest of the day?”

“I actually have nothing going on for once,” he laughed, “I’ll probably just go over paperwork and watch some movies on TCM.”

“Well, I’m always up for TCM,” Vanessa laughed, “but do you wanna spend the day together?”

“What?”

“It’s been a while and I get the feeling we could both use a day of fun.”

“What about Bucky?”

“What about him? He’ll be fine. If he gets pissy, I’ll deal with him. It’s not a big deal. What do ya say?” she asked, a big smile on her face.

@sweetflowerdreams

#Marvel MCU #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #james buchanan barnes #Bucky Barnes #steve rogers x reader x bucky barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #steve x bucky x reader #fanfiction #fan fiction #fanfic #fan fic #Captain America #Captain Rogers #Winter Solider

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taetaespeaches · 3 years

Text

favorite albums of twenty-twenty:

I’m indecisive, so disclaimer lol. But I wanted to be self-indulgent for a moment and share my very favorite albums of 2020. In a year where I felt both alone and lonely, music was massively important to me. I tried to limit this to my top ten but I’m too indecisive and a lot of amazing music came out this year so there’s eighteen albums lol. Why not. So yeah, enjoy or ignore, I just had the urge to do this. (This isn’t in order except BE, D-2, Maria, and Map of the Soul: 7 are all definitely in the top five.)

Also, if you see this and want to do your own, tag me! I’d love to see your top albums <3

↬ BE — BTS

⟶ Top tracks: Telepathy, Blue & Grey, Fly To My Room, Disease, Life Goes On

I mean come on. This was the pandemic album we all needed and I will forever be grateful for this masterpiece. I think this is an album that will grow with me and will kind of act as a companion throughout my life. The musicality, the lyrics, the variety, all of it, it’s just perfection. It feels like a friend who gives you comfort but also makes you confront your emotions, and that was everything I needed this year. I will forever be obsessed with this one. BE is my friend.

↬ D-2 — Agust D

⟶ Top Tracks: People, Moonlight, Daechwita, What do you think?, Dear my friend

Agust D came back and he fucking owned it. The amount of pure talent and passion in this mixtape is un-fucking-real. Yoongi is just unbelievably talented and this album perfectly displays that. Plus, these songs have been my ride or die since May, like, there isn’t a week that goes by that I don’t listen to this album in full at least once. Just incredible.

↬ María — Hwasa

⟶ Top Tracks: LMM, Maria, Intro: Nobody Else, WHY, I’m bad too

This album is so connected to my fucking soul. I swear, Ahn Hyejin and I’s emotions are so similar and the way we process them is soooo similar, this album just honestly means the world to me. Plus, it’s amazing. Every song is a masterpiece. Obsessed. Much like D-2, I listen to this album at least once a week. And the number of times I have cried listening to it is unreal. Intro: Nobody Else is very much how I felt this year and LMM has made me cry more times than I care to admit. This album makes me feel what I’m feeling, gives me comfort, and helps me pick myself back up again. Another one that will grow with me. This year through the loneliness and in times that I felt I had no one, this was my companion.

↬ MAP OF THE SOUL: 7 — BTS

⟶ Top tracks: Black Swan, Interlude : Shadow, My Time, ON, Friends, Moon, We are Bulletproof: the Eternal, Outro : Ego

Come onnnnnn. Perfection!!!! Quite literally the album that has been there with me through every step of this pandemic. I still cry watching the Ego mv. Why? No clue, just makes me sob tears of happiness. Black Swan? Possibly one of my very favorite songs EVER. OF ALL TIME. My Time? Relatable as fuck. Friends? The cutest thing I’ve ever heard. Moon? I’m sobbing again, that’s my emotional support Seokjinnie. Just, the album is a goddamn masterpiece, I don’t care who disagrees, my opinion is fact on this one.

↬ love is not dying — Jeremy Zucker

⟶ Top tracks: full stop, oh, mexico, hell or flying, lakehouse

Jeremy is another one that I just feel emotionally related too. Like I just get what he says and means and it hits me right in the heart and mind and gut. Another companion album. I think full stop is one of the most relatable songs I’ve ever heard- lyrically and the way it builds and becomes a bit chaotic… like whoah. I feel that in my chest. Also, oh, mexico is another song I related to so hard this year. This album has just made a massive impact on me and I love it.

↬ folklore — Taylor Swift

⟶ Top tracks: seven, peace, the lakes, the 1

So Taylor surprised everyone with an album. What the fuck, ma’am? This is my second favorite Taylor album to date, second to only her second surprise album of the year. Like what? I’ve cried listening to this album and absolutely sobbed listening to seven. She just really popped off with this one and I don’t think I need to explain to you all why this album is so good. If you’ve heard it, you know.

↬ evermore — Taylor Swift

⟶ Top tracks: ivy, cowboy like me, long story short, coney island, gold rush

Oh here we have another surprise album, and now my favorite album by Taylor. I think this album perfectly displays Taylor’s insane lyricism better than any of her works. This album just hit really different for me, every song was my favorite on first listen and I still have the hardest time picking favorite tracks. It’s just beautiful and it’s great and I love it a lot.

↬ SAWAYAMA — Rina Sawayama

⟶ Top tracks: Fuck This World (Interlude), Tokyo Love Hotel, Bad Friend, Comme Des Garçons (Like The Boys)

Have you heard it? If so, you know why it’s on this list. Pop perfection. Rina is a goddess. That’s that. It’s just amazing. Rina is a visionary and this album displays that perfectly. Comme Des Garçons was the first song of hers I ever heard and I was immediately obsessed. Next level, this woman. A queen.

↬ Petals For Armor — Hayley Williams

⟶ Top tracks: Crystal Clear, Why We Ever, Over Yet

Wow. Just, bless Hayley for this. Crystal Clear has quickly become one of my very favorite songs ever and Why We Ever is a little too relatable. And I distinctly remember hearing Over Yet for the first time in May and feeling joy for the first time since the pandemic started. This album is one to listen to when you’re mad, sad, when you need comfort, or when you’re ready to heal. Honestly, another companion.

↬ Nectar — Joji

⟶ Top tracks: Like You Do, Your Man, Sanctuary, MODUS, Run, Mr. Hollywood

I could honestly list nearly every song on this as a top song. Holy shit. Joji is another visionary. He’s insane and I’m obsessed with this album. I swear, every time I listen a new song jumps out as a favorite. Like You Do is a song that just means so much to me. A masterpiece. This album is my go to when I’m looking to get into my feels. Also Daylight isn’t listed in the top tracks but what a fucking bop. I’m just in love with this album. For real, obsessed.

↬ Plastic Hearts — Miley Cyrus

⟶ Top tracks: Angels Like You, High, WTF Do I Know, Midnight Sky, Never Be Me, Plastic Hearts

I’ve never been like an avid listener of Miley, just a few tracks, but this year I got more into her. And this album, goddamn. Every song is a contender for top track. How does that happen? Midnight Sky? Huge for me this year. Like I cannot tell you how massive of an impact this song made on me. Angels Like You is such a perfect song. High is a little too relatable. Just seriously, wow. Kind of speechless, I just adore this album.

↬ Positions — Ariana Grande

⟶ Top tracks: pov, obvious, 34+35

The way I cried my first time hearing pov. Ari what are you doing to me? That song is just such a beautiful way to look at love and this whole album is just so healing. A happy spot on this whole year. 34+35 is a thot anthem and I’m obsessed. This album is just another example of Ariana’s talent and we were all blessed to be able to hear it.

↬ CALM — 5 Seconds of Summer

⟶ Top tracks: Wildflower, Lover of Mine, Best Years, Teeth, High

I don’t care if y’all think it’s cool to like 5sos or not, this album is so fucking good. It far exceeded my expectations. Some of these songs are some of my favorites for the year. Wildflower is a fucking happy pill and Best Years makes me fucking cry. High is too relatable, and Teeth may as well have been written about me. And Lover of Mine perfectly relates to the most important relationship of my entire life. I’m gonna say it, Luke Hemmings is such an underappreciated lyricist. The man is good. I love this album a lot.

↬ Manic — Halsey

⟶ Top tracks: Finally // beautiful stranger, SUGA’s Interlude, Forever … (is a long time), 3am

I never really listen to Halsey so it took me a long time to give this album a try and wow I’m so glad I finally did. It became an instant fav. Honesty, anything Yoongi touches is a favorite for me so obviously that song would be in my tops, but Forever … (is a long time) is so relatable and just so fucking good. And Finally // beautiful stranger is honestly my favorite Halsey song ever. It’s stunning. This album is amazing. Period.

↬ Future Nostalgia — Dua Lipa

⟶ Top tracks: Pretty Please, Cool, Don’t Start Now

This album is just disco pop perfection and I’ve been obsessed all year. It’s the perfect album to listen to when you just wanna fucking dance and forget about all the shit that 2020 gave us. The perfect escape and it’s so so fun and the songs are just bops. I’ve probably listened to this album a hundred times because it’s just the perfect escape. If I wanna let go for a bit, this is my go to.

↬ Punisher — Phoebe Bridgers

⟶ Top tracks: I Know The End, Chinese Satellite, Garden Song

This album makes me feel some shit. Like holy hell we are in our feels. Phoebe’s songwriting is superb and these songs just hit. I honestly only listen to this album when I really need to get in touch with myself because it literally doesn’t allow me to avoid my feelings. But it’s pretty much perfection and I think it’s going to grow with me throughout the years. I just love it. I remember being blown away on my first listen, it’s just unbelievably good.

↬ Ungodly Hour — Chloe and Halle

⟶ Top tracks: Tipsy, Baby girl, Ungodly Hour

I don’t even know how to explain how good this album is. Like, have you heard it? You get it. These girls went the fuck off and all we can do is thank them for it. Thank you for your service ladies. This album is just a vibe from start to finish. And Ungodly Hour is one of the best title tracks of the year. That’s just that on that. Give them all the awards.

↬ IS ANYBODY OUT THERE? — DPR LIVE

⟶ Top tracks: OH GIRL, NO RESCUE NEEDED, KISS ME

This album isn’t just an album, it’s an experience. This man takes you on a musical journey. It’s a story. It’s flawless. I adore it. DPR LIVE is so underrated and I can’t wait for him to get the hype he deserves. This was the most surprising find this year and I’m so thankful I found it. Just so god. From start to finish, you just get sucked in and then it ends and you’re just left like, whoah. Amazing.

#ayyyy i can't sleep so i thought i'd post this since it's been in my drafts for a couple days #bc why not i guess #bullshitting with liv #you could say music was a lifeline more than usual this year #thankful to all the amazing artists who put out music this year #we all needed it #top albums of 2020

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purplesurveys · 3 years

Text

1142

survey by tickticktmr

Do you have a digital camera? What color is it? No, haven’t held one in years. The last digital camera we had was a bit of a magenta shade; it actually belonged to my sister but I borrowed it occasionally.

Did you like the movie Juno? It was ok, though to be honest I’ve mostly forgotten what it’s about. I remember fairly liking it but it’s not the type of movie or genre I’d rewatch.

Name something you think is way over-rated: Big Macs, which I’ve never found tasty.

Do you remember your first friend? Yes, it was a girl named Kaye that I sat with in preschool. She didn’t stay too long in my school, so I haven’t been able to reconnect.

Would you rather live with your mom, dad, a friend or on your own? On my own.

Name something your pet(s) like: Walks.

Do you listen to country music? No, I don’t.

What does the color white remind you of? Peace, serenity, doves, minimalist homes.

What show/movie/song makes you cry every time? Show: From Brooklyn Nine-Nine - either the episode where Rosa Diaz comes out as bisexual or the episode where Terry gets racially profiled.

Movie: La vita e bella.

Song: There isn’t one song that makes me cry 100% of the time, but I suppose Why We Ever by Hayley Williams had this effect on me for a time.

What was your last fight about? I spilled a drop of our dinner’s soup on the dinner table last Thursday and my mom did a sufficient job making me feel incompetent and a dumbass about it, so I was hurt by it and didn’t speak a word for the rest of the evening. Not really a fight, but y’know.

Do you text a lot? I used to not but anymore. I usually get prepaid for LTE now, not to have credits for texts.

Have you ever been screamed at by a teacher? Many times. A number of them didn’t like me for whatever reason...

Do you smile or scowl more? I definitely try to smile more, but idk for sure if that’s what I do more frequently.

Obama or Bush? Idk, maybe Obama? Considering we were colonized by the US at one point and imperialism remains to linger in my country, I generally don’t take kindly to any US president, though.

Batman or Superman? I don’t like comic books.

Are you excited about Blink 182 getting back together? I don’t follow the band so I’m not sure how recent or relevant this news is, but generally speaking I don’t remember ever being stoked for a Blink-182 comeback in particular.

Would you rather be a teacher, a stripper or a hairdresser? I’d go with teacher, and preferably of history, so that I at least can have an hour or so to talk about my passion with other people lol.

The last person you spoke to: how many times have they made you cry? Just once.

What's your favorite kind of gum? The classic bubblegum flavor is fine with me.

Have you ever failed a class in school? Just exams, but never altogether an entire class that required me to retake.

Are you even in school? No, not anymore.

Are you taller then your best friend? No haha, I’m slightly tinier than both of them.

Are you scared of spiders? I’d be scared probably of the larger kinds, but all we get here are the super small spiders so this isn’t an issue for me for the most part.

You can't eat anything ever again except for jello or apples: which one? Probably apples. I cannot stand the texture of jelly/Jell-O, and I guess I can move past my dislike of fruits for this situation since apple is kinda decent anyway.

Have you ever cheated on anyone? No, never man.

If you answered yes to the last question, do they know about it?

Do you paint your nails often? I never do and I never have them done either.

Mascara or lipgloss? Er lipgloss I guess, since I literally don’t care how my eyelashes look.

Who’s the last person you called? I think it had been Denise, a co-worker.

Describe the last person who sent you a text: It was just the delivery guy who brought Ysa’s gift to my place, so I don’t know enough about him to be able to give a sufficient description.

Do you ever watch TV shows or movies on YouTube? No, because for the most part they would be high- or low-pitched, in a tiny screen, sped up, zoomed in, or altogether fake. I also don’t understand why buying movies individually on YouTube is still a thing when Netflix exists for literally cheaper.

Myspace or facebook? Uh Facebook, I guess.

How old were you when you lost your first tooth? I was around 5 or 6, I think.

Have you ever embarassed yourself in front of someone you like? Yeah. But when I started dating them, fucking up in front of them became less embarrassing, of course.

Describe your hair right now: Wet and slightly dripping since I just stepped out of the shower.

Do you like it when it rains? Yes, it’s my favorite weather.

Does anyone miss you right now? I hope my friends do...but I can’t say for sure.

How many funerals have you been to? None. Just wakes.

Where's your favorite place to hang out? Depends on the vibe I’m feeling for the day and the company I’ve got.

Have you ever laughed so hard you peed in your pants? Oh gee, never.

Do you like video games? What's your favorite one? I was raised around video games and so much of my childhood was watching my kuya, dad, and a number of my uncles completing games, so I definitely hold a big appreciation and fondness for them. I never inherited any skills of my own though lmao, so I mostly watch walkthroughs; and the only video games I’ve ever met considerable progress on are Nintendo games marketed for all audiences HAHAHA.

Have you ever worn something your parents wouldn't approve of? Yeah I’ve gotten chided by my mom a handful of times, telling me to cover up with a jacket or something. But her reasoning was always men, so I’m usually able to defend myself and say that that’s not my problem and that’s something fucking men have to deal with themselves. We both know I’m right so she ends up begrudgingly letting me go out with whatever outfit I choose on that given day.

Where are your sibling(s)? They are in their respective bedrooms.

When's the last time a friend got dumped/dumped someone? September. That friend was Gabie and the dumpee was me hahahah, does that count?

Do you celebrate Valentine's day? If I have a significant other, yeah. I like keeping our activities lowkey though because from all my past experiences, malls and restaurants tend to get fully booked on February 14 and it ends up being more of a (very crowded) hassle than a celebration.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yep.

Does it snow where you live? Never.

Have you ever wanted a pet unicorn? I never did, actually.

Would you like to work to earn money, or simply have money given to you? The latter is obviously the ideal situation, but I recognize the importance of hard work too and constantly working on my skills.

If you could be on any game show, what one would it be? Jeopardy or Family Feud.

Do you know anyone whose famous? Yes, at least locally.

Do you read those gossip magazines? I used to, lol those were my guilty pleasures back then. I still keep up with celebrity updates, but I’ve moved to social media now. I also filter which publications I consume and avoid the tabloid-y ones like Daily Mail.

Summer or winter? I’d go with winter so that I can actually experience it for once.

What do you hear right now? I’m watching an archived Facebook livestream of a senior citizen who had held a virtual piano concert to raise funds to afford his maintenance medicine. The media ate it up like crazy and it’s since gone viral, so I was able to I read about him earlier tonight. He reminds me so much of my late grandpa so I quickly searched for the finished concert on Facebook and now I have it on :)

When's the last time you saw a cousin? Around two weeks ago.

Where were you the last time you left your house? I can’t remember exactly. I think I went to Feliz...OH OK I remember now - I originally went to the nearby SM to handle an LBC delivery for work, and to stay at Starbucks for a few hours also to work. After that I went to their vape stall to buy new pods but they didn’t have any for the vape brand I use, so I went to Feliz as well to try my chances there. They ended up having a few flavors but not what I usually get, so I decided to try a new one - grape lol.

Describe the room you are in: Dark, filled with the lovely sounds of piano music, and the faint smell coming from my scented candle. Overall, light and peaceful.

What shoes did you wear today? I wore my Onitsukas when I walked Cooper this morning.

#survey #surveys

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multifandom-girlie · 4 years

Text

𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐀𝐝𝐦𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐫

Imagine: You have a secret admirer and your very shocked by who it is.

Pairings: Human!Enzo x Human!reader Human!Kol x Human!reader Human!Klaus x Human!Caroline Human!Hayleyx Human!Elijah Human!Rebekah x Matt Human!Stefan x Human!Elena

Warnings: implied smut, boner, Kol being jealous, perverts(it just came up ok, please no hate. It’s not as bad as it sounds.)

I’ve just got out of the shower and I’m starting to get ready for school. I read a text from the groupchat I have with my bestfriends Caroline, Rebekah, Bonnie, Elena and Hayley.

Hayles💕: Guys it’s Valentines day !

Carebear🐻: I know I can’t wait to see Klaus😁!

Lena💖: I can’t wait to see Stefan either !

BonBon🍬: Me and Jeremy haven’t sorted things out...so i’m not so excited this year girls.

Bekah💞: I am excited to see Matt but Y/N what about you ? This is the second year you’ve been single on Valentines xx

Hayles💕: Oh yeah. I didn’t mean to be insensitive Y/N❤.

It’s ok girlies😂i’m fine. Yes I may be single but that is Kol’s fault and he’s missing out on all this, plus how many cards do I get ?

Hayles💕: She’s right guys she does get the most guys hitting on her. Mikaelson boys are idiots Y/N, Kol is missing out.

Hayles your dating a Mikaelson boy or did you forget about Elijah😂?

Hayles💕:I forgot he was a Mikaelson he doesn’t act like one. Just Kol then cause Klaus isn’t that bad either, i’ve never met finn and Henrik is too young.

Carebear🐻: Klaus is dreamy😍.

Bekah💞: Finn’s married and doesn’t really contact any of us except my sister and my parents, and Care please don’t be like that in front of me please🙏.

Lena💖: Anyway moving on. Everyone dress in pink or red, cause I have a really cute outfit picked out look.

Okay nobody else show their outfit wait till we get to school.

I picked out my outfit. I then got in my car and drove to school. When I arrived I got stared at, this started happening since after I broke up with Kol. I have no idea why sometimes it was nice to feel noticed. I saw the girls and ran over to them, we looked hot there was no denying that.

We walked to first period and as usual we got handed all Valentines cards that were for us. What the school did is a week prior to Valentines day everyone puts cards in a big mailbox in the cafeteria for people as secret admirers and you get given them on Valentines day. Your not allowed to put them in the box on the day though, or actually you can but they will get thrown away because they empty the box the night before.

This year I got alot more than I was expecting. Usually I know who it is straight away. This year there’s Rebekah(bestfriend), Elijah(promised to always send me one, because ‘I always deserve one’.), Tyler(a fling), Damon(boy bestfriend, always sends me one), Matt(sends our whole girl group one each every year cause he’s sweet), Mr Williams(Mr pervert), the janitor(saw me naked in the changing room once, since then he’s trying to convince me to sleep with him), Stevan(sweet guy I kissed in middle school), Klaus(my first time, he’s always had a thing for me),Stefan(pity’s the fact i’m friends with Damon, also to be nice),Ollie(first boyfriend), Kai(my first kiss),Kol(yes we aren’t together anymore but we ended things on good-ish terms) and one extra and I have no clue who sent it which is off all is says is,

I have had my eye on you for a while, I can’t stop thinking about you gorgeous.

Your secret admirer xox

The first periods flew by as usual and we were having our break already. I was doing the usual rounds today at break. Giving Rebekah a hug, texting Elijah thankyou, telling Tyler I said thanks with a kiss on the cheek and a cheeky wink, doing a run and then hug with Damon when he gets out of the girls toilets to have his ‘Valentines day fling’, giving Matt a kiss on the cheek, telling Mr Williams to stop being a pervet or threating to get him fired, telling the janitor very kindly to back off and then punching him when he says no, giving Stevan, Ollie and Kai a kiss on the cheek, telling Klaus that he’s needs to stop when the girls aren’t with me because he has a good girl and he doesn’t need to mess it up, Stefan I give a hug cause Elena doesn’t like it when I kiss his cheek cause she’s worried he might care for me to much, When I found Kol I madeout with him and I know I shouldn’t but it’s hard and then I didn’t have enough time to find out my actual secret admirer.

I was kind of shocked when I realised that 2 periods had gone by already and as I was walking to the Cafeteria to eat my lunch, I got winked at. By Enzo St John, holy jesus. This officially just turned into the best day of my life, every girl in school has had or has a crush on him. You are incredibly lucky if he likes you back or even acknowledges you in the slightest, I call that a win. It’s weird that none of me or the girls have ever spoken to him he’s in a friendship group with Klaus, Damon, Kol and Tyler.

We sat down in the cafeteria and the boys joined us as usual except obviously Enzo. From the minute I sat down I could tell the boys were all pissed at me and I had no idea why. Klaus was scowling, Damon looked pissed at me, Kol had a knife in his hand looking like he was about to murder someone and Tyler was probably the calmest out of them. The one thing they all had in common though was that they were staring at me.

“Guys why do you all look extremely pissed at me ?”

Kol stood up, grabbed my arm and walked me out into the janitors closet.

“How long have you had a thing with Enzo ?”

I looked at him weirdly.

“What are you talking about ? I don’t have a thing with him, i’ve never even spoke to him. Why would it matter if I did anyway ?”

“Stop lying ! It matters cause he’s my bestfriend Y/N.”

“We broke up Kol that means I can do whatever, whenever with whoever. You clearly don’t understand that.”

Then I saw the janitor and I rolled my eyes when he spoke.

“You broke up can I have a spin now.”

I scoffed in disgust.

“Go away Phil, I will not sleep with you.”

I then stormed out the closet to get away from Kol but he was following me back to the cafeteria.

“So that kiss the morning meant nothing?”

“Kol what do you want me to say that it did ? Cause I can’t do that. Your the one that broke up with me, I accepted that and I moved on which is what you should’ve done aswell, clearly your not very good at that. I don’t know what that what was this morning, but we are done ! I don’t want to hear the excuses or the lies. We are done ! That means no more random make outs or one nighters, no more texting me late at night when you feel lonely or coming to my house whenever you want acting like we never broke up! It was your choice! We aren’t together anymore! So get that through your head and stop trying to control me !”

For a second I felt relieved that I put Kol in his place but then I realised where I was. Smack bang in the middle of the cafeteria, with everyone silent and staring at me with their mouths gaping. I quickly walked out the cafeteria with tears streaming down my face when I got pulled in the janitors closet.

“I swear to god Phil...I WILL NOT SLEEP WITH YOU!”

“Who’s Phil ?”

I widened my eyes and wiped my tears, I knew exactly who it was. I turned around slowly and looked at him.

“Enzo ? I uh I thought your were Phil-uh the janitor.”

“He’s been asking you to sleep with him ?”

“He saw me naked in the changing rooms once and now he keeps trying to convince me to sleep with him.”

“Right. Anyway did you figure out who sent you that random card ?”

“No I di-wait how do you ? How do you kno-oh sweet jesus. It was you ?”

He laughed at me and nodded.

“Why would you-is that why Kol is pissed?”

“I don’t know why Kol’s pissed. Maybe it’s because he found out his ex girl likes his bestfriend and then got even more pissed when he found out his bestfriends likes her back.”

“Oh right okay.”

I was about to leave again when I widened my eyes. He just said he likes me. he likes me. Enzo St John like ME! Holy Jesus this is...woah.

“You like me ? You must be cr-”

He cut me off by kissing me. Of course I kissed back. He’s such a good kisser.

“Yes I might be crazy. But I have liked you for a while. So how about a movie tonight Y/N ?”

I blushed like crazy and nodded. I couldn’t help but kiss him again this time longer and more passionately.

6 Months later....

I walked into school, except this time not alone. I was walking side by side with Enzo holding my hand. I talked to Kol he eventually gave up fighting with me and gifted us his blessing. The girls had finally talked to him and I couldn’t have felt better.

“Okay well we all have Gym let’s go.”

“Yes !”

I looked at Enzo and saw how excited he is ang giggled.

“Stop getting so over excited about Gym, people will think you like school.”

“I don’t like school. But I like Gym not just because I’m good at it but I get to see you in your little gym shorts and it excites me.”

I giggled and kissed him and as I pulled away I bit his lip. I knew it would drive him crazy it always does, especially before Gym. I looked down and brushed my hand against ‘him’.

“Yeah I can see that.”

He had a boner but he didn’t hid like most would he wore it proudly, which makes us all laugh.

“I’ll get you back for this Y/L/N!”

“I hope you do.”

I winked at him and went to the girls changing rooms.

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septembersghost · 3 years

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what are dream Taylor collabs? (besides Harry and Niall, obviously the world needs those!) 😏💗

Harry and Niall are literally top two, and it’s fun because it seems absolutely impossible on the one hand, but also maybe isn’t on the other? maybe this is wishful thinking, probably mindless dreaming... rumor has it that Niall and Taylor already almost collaborated on something (me, staring at the unspeakable remix of Lover: Niall was right there...), and then it didn’t happen for whatever reason, but it’s certainly not that far-fetched. (Niall on Red, please). with Harry, it’s likely less fathomable, except we do have on the record Jacknife Lee (who co-wrote/produced The Last Time with Taylor and Gary Lightbody for Red, and then he and Gary co-wrote/produced Something Great with Harry for Midnight Memories), saying:

Taylor was nice and very professional. She knew what she wanted and there was no f***ing about. She was seeing Harry Styles at the time, so he came to Topanga on her recommendation. She wrote a few songs with him, and it was the same thing – quick. But this time it was more directed by the management and label. They were after something specific. I wanted more acoustic and gentle, almost Americana, and they wanted bombast. They got what they wanted, and that was the extent of my foray into teen-pop territory. It was fun. (x)

so those songs they wrote exist, somewhere! (in Taylor’s vault perhaps?) they would also be Red-era, but could still potentially fall into 1989 territory. all I know is it would be everything.

I’m also curious whether she has plans to re-record I Don’t Wanna Live Forever with Zayn, I wouldn’t have expected her to do that with soundtrack songs, but Today was a Fairytale showing up on Fearless has me second-guessing that. (this extends to Eyes Open and especially my beloved Safe and Sound, since The Civil Wars aren’t together anymore).

I’d love for her to officially collab with FOB (or Patrick, generally? those voices?!), which, before you say that sounds mad, 1. we got Brendon on a pop song!, 2. this happened, 3. “Pete Wentz is probably… if I had to pick a favorite lyricist, it’d be a tie between him and Lana Del Rey. ‘Blank Space’ is a song that’s just zingers, one after another after another, which I definitely learned from listening to Fall Out Boy. (x)” p l e a s e

if we’re talking dream lists, it’d be so cool to see her collab with any of the legends that have influenced her - Paul McCartney, Carole King, Stevie Nicks, James Taylor (we’ve had interactions/performances between her and each of them, but I’d love an actual recording, you know?).

I have a long list of women I’d love for her to work with, but I think (and this is totally fine and I don’t have an issue with it) Taylor’s a little more into duets with men that can be like a back and forth conversation? still, Lorde. Lady Gaga. (I KNOW, but, as a fan of both of them, and apparently one of the few people in the world who cherishes Joanne - listen to the piano version of Joanne, the song - plus my favorite songs she’s ever done being in A Star is Born, they absolutely could mix if they met in the middle of their pop/rock/country infused styles. if queens Barbra Streisand and Donna Summer could do this iconic duet in 1979, then there is no reason why we can’t have Taylor/Gaga in 2021). Beyonce too, for that matter. Hayley Williams. this could go on...

I saw someone mention The Lumineers for Speak Now/Red and that would be cool. Hozier for reputation. a very out there one for me is Leslie Odom Jr., because if Leslie could remix a song of his to include Sia, why NOT Taylor?! this partially stems from my not-so-secret desire to know what it would be like if the incomparable songwriting prowess of Taylor and LMM could be combined to take the world by storm (especially given some of the parallels between folklore/evermore and lyrics of Eliza’s, the particulars of Burn - you built me palaces out of paragraphs - even Breathe from In the Heights, are so reminiscent of the way Taylor paints her musical language and emotive expression).

there are just so many! and of course I’m biased towards my other faves (which is why H and N are at the top...shh).

who knows what she might have up her magical sleeves?! 💖

#whatever she does it will be a gift we know that much #taylor swift #anonymous #letterbox

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bills-pokedex · 4 years

Text

{Hey there! It’s Pride Month, so in honor of this (and the fact that the mun has come to a fantastic revelation about themselves not too long ago), a new resource for our resources tag, our semi-new tag for background info about the blog. That is to say, have some storage system admin pride headcanons ... and a little side note about the mun for all four of you wondering:

Bill Pronouns: he/him Orientation: Panromantic asexual

Side notes: Bill has always had a strange relationship with gender. Some tabloids will tell you it’s because he was basically raised by kimono girls; others will tell you it’s because he’s combined himself so many times with pokémon he’s lost all sense of identity. If you asked Bill himself, though, he’d tell you he’d always had a strong sense of his identity, and that identity is “gender is a human concept of a particularly alien nature, so therefore, it deeply confuses and intrigues me, but only really on a scientific rather than personal level.” To that end, he’s actually agender but refers to himself with/responds to gendered pronouns for the sake of convenience.

Lanette/LH Pronouns: she/her Orientation: Bisexual (but leans more towards men than anything else)

Side notes: Up until a few years ago, Lanette assumed she was straight because, well, that’s what you do when you grow up trying to fit certain roles. It wasn’t really until adulthood and hearing the other admins discuss their experiences that Lanette began to explore her own. She’s still rather new at this and still very uncertain about what she prefers, but she's slowly realizing it’s perfectly possible (and acceptable!) to lean towards people of her opposite gender but also, now and then, find other genders attractive.

Brigette Pronouns: she/her Orientation: Aromantic asexual

Side notes: Unlike her sister or her sister’s partner, Brigette has never needed to give any thought whatsoever to her identity. That is to say, she’s cisgendered female, she would like no part of any of these romantic/sexual shenanigans, and that’s about all she’s got to say on the matter. (She’s always been open about the aroace part, but for some reason, it never really became public until a few years ago. More than a few people were disappointed.)

Celio Pronouns: he/him, they/them Orientation: MLM

Side notes: Everyone knew Celio was gay from the moment he introduced himself to the group and immediately broke down into a mess a second later because Bill walked in. What a lot of people don’t know is that Celio’s relationship to gender is almost as loose as Bill’s is. Celio is pretty much in the closet about a lot of things, not because he’s afraid of what the admins or the rest of the world would say (he feels comfortable sharing that he’s gay, for example, and the admins reciprocate by gently trying to encourage him to find people who are more put-together than his long-lasting extremely unrequited crush) but more because One Island is an extremely traditional place.

Bebe Pronouns: she/her Orientation: WLW

Side notes: At the risk of making light of this post, Bebe’s lesbian adventures are practically legendary among the admins and the Sinnoh media, largely in part because of her not-so-secret fling with champion Cynthia once upon a time. (Bebe is to this day the only one in the admin circle who’s ever landed a champion, and frankly, some of the other admins are jealous.) She is currently dating Hayley in what some admins say is a very sweet and pure relationship ... so naturally some of the other admins are jealous.

Amanita Pronouns: she/her Orientation: ????

Side notes: Amanita is 12 and what is this. On a serious note, as of this writing/in the blog’s timeline, Amanita is still only about fourteen. On top of that, she’s been so busy being the admin of Unova and a general child genius that she hasn’t really had time to puzzle over her identity yet. The admins, who are in a sense surrogate parents for her, are actually trying their hardest to teach her the basics when she asks (in as respectful a way Fennel would allow), but they know it’s really more or less up to Amanita to figure out for herself what she is. She’s certain she’s cisgendered, but that’s about it so far.

Cassius Pronouns: he/him, they/them Orientation: Pansexual, polyamorous

Side notes: Cassius is probably the admin who’s the most open about their identities. Genderfluid (albeit one who leans more towards male than anything else—a demiguy, in a sense), pansexual, and very much polyamorous. Cassius just never really thought he had any reason to hide. He’s not, after all, someone who makes it a habit of changing who he is to fit in, and if anyone gossips about what he and his assistants (who, incidentally, are also his lovers) are up to in that cottage in Camphrier, they can suck it for all he really cares. But if you really must know, he and his partners are in an adorable domestic situation. They make each other coffee and crepes every morning and sit around knitting and binging the Great Galarian Bake-Off every night. Thank you for asking.

Molayne Pronouns: he/him Orientation: MLM

Side notes: Once upon a time, Molayne had a thing for Kukui. He still does, though he’s extremely supportive of Kukui’s relationship with Burnet. Kukui, meanwhile ... well, Kukui’s a smart man, but he’s never been much of a bright one, if you catch my drift. Consequently, when Molayne isn’t being the responsible older cousin for Sophocles, he’s being Celio’s shoulder to cry on ... or the other admins’ gentle and very knowledgable gay uncle.

Astrid Pronouns: she/her Orientation: Lesbian romantically but asexual otherwise

Side notes: Straight-up, Astrid is an OC born from the fact that Galar has no named admin, and this is a travesty. (More info here: https://bills-pokedex.tumblr.com/post/189774072411/we-interrupt-this-fan-regional-variation-posting ) That having been said, Astrid is trans, she’s very much got a crush on half the female admins, and the same social anxiety that’s kept her from putting her name on the Galarian system (see aforementioned link) also keeps her from interacting with any of said female admins long enough to get a date. (Ironically, half of the unnamed female admins out there in the world have a crush on her, as it usually goes with these kinds of things.)

Tl;dr In other words, when the admins facetiously call the circle “St. William’s Home for Wayward Orphans” (okay, so probably only Bebe and Cassius call it that), it’s partly because all of the admins were not picked out from prestigious tech universities but were instead found practically off the street through incredibly convoluted avenues, and also because so many admins are either not cis or not straight that the circle itself is practically an LGBT+ safe space.

The Mun Pronouns: any (see below) Orientation: Biromantic asexual

Side notes: Not an admin. On a serious note, like Bill, the mun has always had difficulty applying the concept of gender to themselves, but like LH, they didn’t realize that should be a sign to question their identity until fairly recently. That said, the mun is agender and would prefer it if you chose and ran with whatever pronoun you think works (except “they”). Out of convenience, the mun will often refer to themselves as either she/her or, ironically, they/them.}

#about the system #about the author #about the editor #resources #askless

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fiddleabout · 4 years

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Sorry if you've been asked this before, but what type of music do you think all the RWBY girls would listen to?

ETA OKAY SO LIKE idk when tumblr decided that sub bullets were no longer a fucking option but like apparently they aren’t so that fucks up the entire way this is posting and i APOLOGIZE but also fuck this website

***

hmmmmm okay let’s GO:

ruby is easy to figure out-- she’s all about rock. she vacillates between more straightforward rock sounds and heavier and metal sounds, but if there’s not a big angry guitar leading the sound she probably isn’t going to like it

>exception: folks like rina sawayama, who basically created her own pop-metal hybrid genre

>>also an exception: she WILL jam with the entire chess records discography

>>also: kitten, bat fangs, everything that came out of olympia WA in the 90s

weiss...hmm okay so like here’s the deal with weiss

>my default instinct is to want to say that weiss is half super sad super emo stuff, a la the weepies and julien baker, and like...aggressively pop-ish stuff like kesha and carly rae jepsen

>but also we have weiss in canon singing like...angsty emo opera metal

>>and like to be clear i think what you perform/place =/= what you like

>>but also like....you probably do not hate it very much, i would guess

>so like the fun split-the-difference on that for me is that weiss is like

>>10% angsty emo metal bc like you cannot put that in the show and expect me not to latch onto it and i have fully latched onto it and she 100% listens to nightwish a LOT

>>50% Sad Serious Musicians who sing sad songs

>>>so y’know like...bon iver, but only ironically, and sufjan unironically, and julien baker etc etc

>>40% absolutely pure sugary pop goodness like early kesha and all carly rae jepsen and also some like mid-aughts hilary duff

>>>ESPECIALLY come clean, which she has unequivocally listened to like 900 times in a private session on spotify so no one can know about it

blake: bless her, blake has fucking pretentious hipster music tastes and i say that with literally all of the love in my pretentious hipster music loving heart

>so like....new pornographers and boygenius and christine and the queens and soccer mommy and vhs collection and paramore but only their new stuff and mostly just hayley williams’ solo work because williams clearly needed Time And Space On Her Own To Make Her Best Music Yet,

>>she has absolutely gotten into a fight with some bro at a party about the musical and cultural importance of lemonade and also homecoming before and had to be frogmarched out of the building

>she disconnected from the world for three days straight when puberty 2 dropped and only resurfaced to yell about how annoyingly Good At Music mitski is*

>she, like, saw purity ring when they only had three songs and were playing a 75 person venue for one of their first shows and waxes nostalgic about it every time someone wants to talk about purity ring**

>she unabashedly loves pop music but also has to like explain to you why it’s GOOD music not just FUN music

>also:

>>she’s Personally Offended at the fact that grimes is great at music and terrible at being a person and will make sure that EVERYONE knows it

>also also:

>>adia victoria, lizzo, laura marling, sleater-kinney but she’s one of those people who got pissed when janet weiss left and wound up boycotting the last album***, janelle monae, graveyard club, san fermin, etc etc

>basically blake is me with music and i love her but also that is totally not a compliment and also i will not be accepting criticism at this time

yang :

>just listens to superbass on repeat all day every day

>>i kid

>>it’s actually just nicki minaj’s verse in monster

>>i’m kidding i’m kidding but also not really i regret nothing

>also: melodrama-era lorde, charly bliss, muna, 1989-onwards taylor swift including a deep and unironic love of look at what you made me do, charli xcx, bleachers, electra heart-era marina

>but honestly mostly it’s just this constantly

*this is me

**this is also me, just not with purity ring. i’m that asshole

*** this is not me, i love that album

#hearticho #ruby rose #weiss schnee #blake belladonna #yang xiao long #rwby #WHY IS THE FORMATTING FUCKING UP EVEN ON DESKTOP

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after-lauhgter · 3 years

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Hey dude, I really like your music taste so do all the music questions that you didn't already answer 🌚

OK DUDE HERE THEY COME (except 1,6 & 14) ... ok lets do number 1 again What's a song you've been listening to a lot lately? as the world caves in by Matt Maltese, if I get high by nothing but thieves, and literally anything off waterparks’ new live album, that thing makes me feel so ALIVE bc like LIVE MUSIC Is there an album you recently discovered and are obsessed with it now? well waterparks live in the uk obviously but if the last 6 months count as recently, then the new abnormal by the strokes. its... absolutely breathtaking. I don't have words. 0 words. except these dudes know what the fuck they’re doing. and then I found the devil and god are raging inside me by brand new and jeeesus. literally Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ was my most played song in 2020 AS IT SHOULD BE bc its EVERYTHING this album is THE SHIT. every song is just *chef kiss* like there's limousine (omg limousine) and you won't know and not the sun and AHH listen to these albums omg Put your playlist on shuffle and show the first 10 songs. No cheating. i assume “your playlist” means all my saved songs so Topography by Civilian (pls go listen its SO great) Na Na Na by mcr yees issa classic Du schreibst Geschichte by Madsen omg geeerman just saying by EDEN (pretty pretty pretty) Westerland von den Ärzten another classic letdown by nothing,nowhere. sad but the good kind of sad The Man by the killers making fun of toxic masculinity gives me LIFE Graffiti by CHVRCHES YES and death stranding by CHVRCHES too YES SO GOOD simmer by Hayley Williams, a queen How do you tend to discover new music? If you do at all of course I do enjoy what Spotify suggests, like my weekly mix brought a lot of bops in the past, although sometimes it just sucks lets be real. I also like the artist- or album-radio, when I wanna find something similar to an album but not the album. and another thing I lovvve is when artists I like recommend music, for example, have you seen dallon weekes instagram stories? THE TASTE? bc yes, someone who writes music like that MUST have a superior taste in music and he fucking does.

What app do you mostly use to listen to music? Spotify :) Is there an artist that you feel ashamed of listening too? I can't think of anyone so probably not What is your favorite album cover art? omg. I have to go with more than one. so there's where the mind wants to go/where you let it go by I the mighty, one of my favorite albums of all time, and I'm going to say it how it is, I LIKE THE COLORS. the blue-ish imagine with the red omg. look at it pls. Also fandom by waterparks looks SO COOL. again the COLORS and I love the art for Isola by Kent. I recently discovered you wouldn't believe what privilege costs by civilian and I think that cover is pretty cool too. well and then there's petals for armor by Hayley Williams, the cover art is so fucking powerful Jesus I get goosebumps just thinking about it. in case you don't know about it, long story short: there's been a lot of shit going on in Hayleys life in the past. relatable imo. then they made after laughter and its been like u know what fuck it we’ll just laugh and dance through the pain. together. and I LOVED the vibe omg it gave me so much. but for Hayley it kinda postponed REALLY dealing with shit. she came home from touring with AL and she also got divorced during the AL era and everything's shit and out of all that came petals for armor. and in it she reclaims femininity, being alone, being powerful, being a women, everything. and ah yeah we were talking about the cover art, the cover is her, having a line of squares on her face, three of these squares are tattooed on her fingers though bc its where her ex husbands initials used to be that she got covered up. WHAT A MOVE. THE POWER. (if anyone is interested in hearing Hayley talking about/explaining all this, I really recommend watching her interview with zane Lowe. its SO GOOD basically free therapy) How much did your parents influence your music taste? a. lot. my dad listened to a lot of “dad rock” you may call it, I guess a lot of dads listened to stuff similar to this. Deep Purple, the police, simple minds, Green Day, Billy Talent, the scorpions and things like that. what influenced me the most tho was the beatsteaks (german band, very good), die Ärzte (german band, very good) and LAST BUT NOT LEAST the fricking blues brothers. my favorite movie (not the 2000 remake, go watch that in hell where it belongs), a great, charismatic band, unbelievable live performances. very big WOW from me. Do you own any vinyl? don't get me started omg. I DO. I wish I could take a photo but my records are at my parents house so ill just name my favorites. -after laughter and brand new eyes by paramore -violent things by the brobecks and their song boring on 7inch (this is very rare ok) -razzzzmatazzz by idkhow in gold :) -may death never stop you by mcr (my first one, I bought it first and then bought a record player for it, that's how it started lol) -omg the black parade is dead by mcr, this was never available on vinyl until record store day 2019 (?) and I hunted that bitch like idek what it was insane but I found a super cute small record store and the owner didn't have copies of it bc NOBODY DID but he fucking CALLED THE LABEL even though it was way too late and he asked if they'd send him a copy and THEY DID I FUCKING OWE THIS MAN -and omg Isola by Kent (in Swedish tho bc the English version was never pressed on vinyl) this was intense. I searched for like 2 weeks and then, on google results page 8 or something, I found what could've been the only copy on the damn internet and it was very expensive but its MINE NOW -my signed vertigo vinyl by EDEN, its clear and on side D it doesn't have music but a little message engraved it the vinyl IT IS CUTe -Placebos MTV unplugged! I am so I love with this album. SO. in love. and one day, when I was in Berlin to see palaye royale, back when we had concerts, I walked by a random record store and they have like 4 records left bc they were closing or idk and the only one displayed in the window was this one. tell me about FATE Do you own any cds? not many. sometimes when im at the store and I see ones I know or like, I just buy them and put them in me moms car bc I want her to listen to them. or when I find a cd by a smaller artist I enjoy, I buy it just to push the nachfrage. HI i am HERE and I WANT this music Is vinyl really better than listening on a digital device? im not gonna be that middle aged white male audiophile that hates on our generation for using Spotify. bc its great. I think its just different. I mean im sorry I don't carry my record player on the bus with me, pls forgive me for using my phone? having immediate access to most of the music that is out there? wow. what a concept. I love the internet. YES TECHNOLOGY. but. vinyls are... different. I feel likes its a different kind of listening. I feel like youre rly LISTENING. and that way isn't better, or right, and im not saying it works like this for everyone. but when I put a record on, my only activity at that moment is listening to music, I sit down and I listen. to the entire album. so skips and no pauses, bc that's how it works. and I think that sometimes, that can do a lot for you. if you let it. and besides that, physically owning a record makes me happy on a level nothing else really does. fuck I love music so much and when I fall in love with it, I fall hard. and then owning a copy of it, something I can touch, something that is MINE, putting it in my little shelf, looking at it every few days and just being in love? fantastic feeling. What is a genre of music that you tend to go to for comfort? sad shit. I feel like I can get great comfort from the sad shit. or maybe just slow shit. and songs that mean a lot to me and have been around me for some time, they have this other level of comfort. like for Emma, forever ago by bon iver for example. I have a playlist, maybe I'll reblog this again and link it ;) Do you tend to like poppy upbeat songs, or more intricate and interesting songs? both. sometimes I wanna have complicated stuff and analyze the shit out of lyrics and instrumentation, sometimes I just wanna v i b e If you have a favorite band or artist, tell us about how you got into them I liked paramore before but when they posted the video of them performing last hope at reading? it was over. when Hayley sang the bridge it was over. now im a die hard fan and I never looked back Is there a song that came out this year that you like? maybe after reading all this shit you expected a list but somehow I can't. where do u even start. but the answer is definitely yes. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING I COULD GO ON FOR DAYS

#asks #music #i guess #not me putting I guess after my tags all the time #I like guessing #questioning everything is a lifestyle

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agentemo · 4 years

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petekey. “why we ever” by hayley williams. fuck me up, fam.

not ONLY do i have to write THAT, but you're making me listen to WHY WE EVER. THREE TIMES. IN A ROW???

They see each other less and less these days. They don’t hang in the same circles. They don’t talk much at all. They didn’t have a falling out, not really. They’re just different people now. Mikey learned to accept that as a part of growing up or growing old or whatever.

Pete always believed that there were loves that lasted forever. For some reason, he was always surprised how this one did.

“Remember the tin-can telephone in Tampa?”

The door is barely open when Pete blurts this out, but it isn’t Mikey that answers. Kristin offers a confused smile; shit like this always falls off her shoulder, though the toddler a few feet behind her looks startled.

“Hi, uncle Pete,” Mikey’s daughter says unsurely. He winks at her and makes a face; she smiles.

“I’ll go get ‘im,” Kristin says. While he waits, Pete wonders how much she knows. They’ve never talked about that.

“My wife says you scared the shit out of her,” Mikey says once he gets to the door, smiling easily. It isn’t easy for Pete to smile back but he does. Mikeyway has always smiled easily, but Pete has noticed recently that maybe it wasn’t so easy at all. It was forced by the drugs, or something worse. The smiles reach his eyes more now, eyes that are crinkling with age and fatherhood, eyes that are hetero-chromatic like his wife’s.

His wife. He always said it like that, at least once, when they hung out. Pete hates it; like, he fucking gets it. He doesn’t think about it too long, though, and it’s a quick walk to Pete’s car. Mikey walks differently; they walk further apart than they did that summer. Ever time, it feels like they walk further apart.

“I made a tin-can telephone with my kids and it reminded me-”

“Of the devil’s asshole day in Florida!” Mikey finishes, laughing.

“Yeah!”

Their buses were parked next to each other. No one wanted to leave the safety of air conditioning. It was a really Florida fucking day and Mikey had complained about losing a bet and having to eat two cans of beans. Pete went over to help him eat them, seasoned them for this white motherfucker, and then had a brilliant idea. Warped Tour 2005 had a lot of those for Pete.

“I can’t believe it worked,” Mikey says. His inflections are even different. Is that recent?

“Bob got so pissed you disrupted his nap,” Pete remembers.

“Fuck that guy. Not in the good way.”

“We made a scientific discovery! We had to scream loud enough to awaken racists from naps.”

“It was colossal. He’s ungrateful.”

Mikey’s sense of humor seems to be similar enough, though. When Pete chuckles, Mikey does that thing where just one side of his lips quirk up but he seems so damn proud. It’s easy conversation from then on, mostly of the catching up and reminiscing variety. It’s always easy with Mikey. He always has been.

They park somewhere in Joshua Tree and Pete lights up. It isn’t the first time they’ve hot boxed Pete’s car and it hopefully won’t be the last. They sit in the backseat, moving toward each other like slow magnets, until Pete can smell Mikey. It’s different; less musky, healthier? More...floral? He chuckles and kisses Mikey’s neck, wondering if he tastes different too. Wondering if he feels different.

“We can’t,” Mikey says, making Pete almost fall over as he moves away without warning. The joint does fall, and smoke swirls up from the floor of the car. Who’d been the last one holding it? “We shouldn’t,” Mikey says, looking down, voice even.

“There’s something...here,” Pete says, closing the space between them again. Mikey isn’t up against the window as Pete expected. He’s up against Pete, slow magnet that he is, and Pete’s looking at his neck again. He’s so pale, so scruffy. He’s so different and exactly the same.

“There can’t be,” Mikey says, and he’s tense like the first time they kissed 15 years ago.

Pete whispers, “Why not?” Mikey shoves him away before he could kiss him again.

“I’m fucking married!” he snaps. Mikey’s anger is different, now. More controlled. Sadder. “And I want this one to stick!”

Oh, plenty of conversations about divorce. Maybe that’s when it went wrong? You don’t hear a lot about the trauma of divorce but Pete knew all about it when it happened to his old friend and ex-lover. Mikey’s relationships fell apart all around him. He fell apart all around everyone that stayed, except for Pete. Pete would’ve stayed, but he wasn’t invited to. Mikey went to Jersey and walked in to an intervention. Pete heard about it in a tweet.

How could they talk about something that existed for Mikey, tangibly, only when he was high? This is the single joint Mikey will smoke all year, and he’s sharing it with Pete. All those songs they wrote for each other, all those reasons they couldn’t even hold hands in front of fans... They stopped making sense for Pete a long time ago. Did they stop making sense for Mikey?

With shaking hands, Mikey picks it up the joint and takes a deep inhale. To his credit, he looks at Pete. Eye contact? That’s definitely new.

“I just wanna talk about it,” Pete says. Hopeful. Careful.

Mikey never believed that there were loves that lasted forever. For that reason, he was always surprised how this one did.

#jk ily #lm writes #rpf #asks #anon #ask games with lm #drugs cw #okay maybe? i listened to it way more than 3 times

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brylcighs · 5 years

Text

✧·ﾟ( demeter + maia mitchell + cis female ) 𝒎𝒂𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒎𝒊𝒂 !! have you seen ( bryleigh fox ) around ? ( she ) has been in kaos for ( two months ). the ( twenty-four year old ) is a ( baker ) from ( boulder, colorado ). people say they can be ( stoic ) but maybe that’s not too bad ‘cause they can also be ( ebullient ). whenever i think of them, i can’t help but think of ( warm blueberry muffins, black and white movies, and sunny, cloud-free mornings ). ·ﾟ✧ ( penned by shiloh, 21+, est, she/her ).

trigger warnings: mental illness, ptsd, anxiety, depression, a car accident, health problems related to fertility, scars/burns, low self-esteem, drinking. ( i think that’s it, but if you run across something else triggering, pls let me know and i’ll add it to the list. )

THE MUN.

‘lo ! i’m shiloh, but you can call me shy. i’m 28, i live in the est and my preferred pronouns are she/her.

i’m a school-based therapist and work in an elementary school. with it being summer, i don’t really have a lot going on ! so you’ll see me around quite a bit.

i have two small puppos, minerva and newt, who are my pride and joy. p.s.: if you couldn’t tell from their names, i’m a huge harry potter fan. i also love young adult literature, i’m a true crime buff and could eat pepperoni hot pockets every day for the rest of my life.

if you’d like to talk, you can im me on this account, on my rph @shilohrph or ask me for my discord and we can chat there !

and without further ado, allow me to introduce lil miss bryleigh.

BASIC INFORMATION.

name: bryleigh olivia fox.

age: twenty-four.

gender/pronouns: cis femae & she/her.

orientation: panromantic pansexual.

olympian: demeter.

occupation: head baker at physis taverna.

faceclaim: maia mitchell.

BACKGROUND.

bryleigh olivia fox was born may 8th, 1995 at 10:12am in kaos, greece to colonel william matthew fox and emma alison stewart-fox.

she has one older brother, lucas daniel fox, who is 28 and an architectural engineer. he’s married to sofia maite valdez-fox, twenty-four. they have a one-year-old daughter, luciana irene fox.

bryleigh also has one younger sister, peyton emelia fox, who is 20 and a college student studying communications. she’s engaged to micah cole butler, twenty-two. they two-year-old twins addison hayley butler and aiden bryant butter. peyton is also currently 10 weeks pregnant.

because of her father’s occupation, the family has lived in different cities all over the world. besides kaos, the fox’s lived in bangkok, thailand, comayagua, honduras, misawa, japan, burkina faso, west africa, vicenza, italy and pampanga, philippines. i made a handy dandy timeline which you can view here to better break it down.

bryleigh attended and graduated from the auguste escoffier school of culinary arts in boulder, colorado and lived there for about four years.

while living in boulder, her roommate and best friend, sofia, started dating and subsequently married her brother, lucas.

because her aesthetic is running when things get tough/complicated, bryleigh left boulder a few months after ber brother and best friend were married and moved back to kaos, greece.

she lived in kaos for a year, living above the tavarna where she was head baker. she loved it and kinda looks back on it as the best time of her life. but a rough patch in a relationship caused her to - again - flee, returning to boulder.

about a month after moving back to boulder, she was in a serious car accident. her vehicle slid on black ice and flipped. she almost died, but managed to pull through.

on top a concussion, many broken bones, several severe burns, some internal bleeding and innumerable cuts, scrapes, and bruises, bryleigh’s pelvis was fractured and her fallopian tubes were crushed. she also later developed asherman’s syndrome from the surgeries/scar tissue forming. this has basically rendered her infertile.

after the accident, bryleigh had to move in with her brother and sister-in-law/former best friend. not only did they smother bry trying to take care of her, but sofia was pregnant at the time. this served as a constant reminder of all she’d lost.

so, as soon as she was cleared to be on her own, she told lucas and sofia that she was going to visit kaos for her birthday.

except that she was actually moving back there and didn’t want to have to deal with their worry and concern and attempts to talk her out of it. queen of running from her problems.

bryleigh has been back in kaos for about two months, and it’s not the carefree, serene place she remembered.

actually, that’s not true. it’s still the place she remembered. she’s just not the same person she once was. no matter how much she tries to pretend she is.

you can read more about her here if you feel so inclined.

PERSONALITY.

bryleigh is a bit of a complicated lil nugget. she’s like an onion, ya know ? she has layers. one one hand, she’s this bubbly, happy-go-lucky, upbeat ball of sunshine. but on the other hand, she’s really struggling with ptsd from the crash, as well as a good heaping of anxiety and depression. so she has times where she’s really distant and reticent.

as the ‘mom friend’, she’s always been the person that people turn to. she’s the shoulder to lean on. she’s the one who gives amazing advice. she’s the one who seems wise beyond her years. she’s the one who tells you to stop leaning back in your chair because you’re going to fall over or sets water and tylenol beside your bed after a night of partying. she cares a whole lot. like, an insane about. which is a blessing and a curse.

what she’s struggling with post-accident is opening up about how she’s doing and how she’s really feeling, beyond the facade that she puts on for everyone. it’s like she’s physically incapable of letting people see that she’s struggling. bry doesn’t want to put that burden on anyone, ya know ? so, she’s kind of suffering in silence and bottling everything up. which is super healthy, i know.

sarcasm and dry humor are two of her favorite coping skills. she’s also really great at self-deprecating humor !

the accident left her with quite a lot of scars and several skin grafts from having third-degree burns treated, and she’s incredibly self-conscious about them. she covers her low self-esteem up with jokes and humor, but she really is quite sensitive about her appearance.

as i mentioned, she tends to run from her problems rather than addressing them. and if she can’t run, she makes a joke out of them and doesn’t take them seriously. or she bottles up all the emotions from the problem and pretends it’s not a big deal. i know. her coping skills are so healthy.

the only thing that bryleigh has ever wanted is to be a mom. she’s basically had baby fever since she was old enough to understand the birds and the bees. she always imagined being a stay-at-home mom, taking care of a shew of children and her husband/wife. but since the accident, she’s not sure if that’s what she still wants of her life. she no longer has no direction, and really feels like she’s floundering.

part of her is worried about having kids ( through adoption or surrogacy or on the off-chance that she can naturally conceive ) because the hate in her heart after the accident is so dark and consuming and terrifying. she feels like maybe the car accident did more than break her bones. maybe it broke her as a person. and maybe she’s not capable of loving someone now. or if she is, she’s worried that what she loves will get taken from her. and she doesn’t know if she can stand to lose anything else.

EXTRA.

she starts every morning with a cup of black coffee and a banana nut muffin and ends every evening with a cup of peppermint tea and two homemade jaffa cakes.

bryleigh has a chocolate labrador retriever named yolo. he’s ancient. she’s not really sure how old he is, but the shelter she adopted him from said that he’d been there for several years. so, she absolutely had to take him home with her. yolo’s very loving and sweet and a lil lazy and he loves pitless olives. she has huge birthday parties for him on his gotcha day, august 12th.

her walls are covered with abstract art from a bunch of different countries. they remind her of her childhood and everywhere she’s traveled.

favorite thing in the world to do is have a bunch of her friends over, make a slew of homemade pizzas and desserts, pop open several bottles of rosé wine, throw pillows and blankets all over the floor and watch movies of various genres until everyone falls asleep.

she loves 80′s music and prefers to listen to records rather than stream music or what have you. it sounds more authentic that way. at least, in her opinion.

her apartment looks like a forest. she has plants everywhere. e v e r y w h e r e. she’s also a really good plant mom and has named all of her children. she talks to them and knows their favorite songs. maybe she’s a tad bit psychotic. who isn’t, though ?

since the accident, she’s developed a huge fear of driving. she won’t drive. ever. she either walks, rides her bike or takes an uber. if she can get away with not having to ride in a car, though, she much prefers that option. i mean, can you blame her ?

she loves astrology and tarrot readings and ghost hunts and talking about aliens and going on hunts for cryptids. she’s always thought there has to be more to life than what we can see, so she’s open to at least considering most everything, ya know ?

her closest friends call her foxy. everyone else calls her bry. some people call her bryleigh ? but i can’t imagine why. it’s a mouthful.

send her memes and you’ll have her heart. she has a huge folder of them saved on her phone. there might or might not be more memes on her phone than actual pictures. hint: there totally is.

bryleigh can speak english, spanish, filipino, greek, italian, thai, japanese, swahili, hausa and a little bit of a berber dialect to varying degrees of success. she’s most comfortable with english, spanish and greek, and least comfortable with the african languages. she can also write in a variety of writing systems, though not nearly as well as she can speak the languages. she’s forgotten a lot of the rules and method that go along with many of them.

PLOT IDEAS.

you can read about all my connection ideas right here !

NOTE: i’m open to pretty much anything, so if you have an idea, run it by me ! more than likely, i’ll approve and start rambling off ideas and headcanons and half-formed thoughts until you politely tell me to shut the fuck up. sounds fun, right ?

THE END.

thanks so much for reading this monster post ! i don’t know how to be concise. i’ve tried. i tried here. obviously, i failed. but i love you all. i can’t wait to write and interact with you all and your lovely, wonderful characters ! hasta la vista, baby.

#kaos:intro #╰ . * chasing all your demons — ooc .#╰ . * so let's sleep on it tonight — other .

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johnnymundano · 5 years

Text

Habit (2017)

Directed by Simeon Halligan

Screenplay by Simeon Halligan

Based on the novel by Stephen McGeagh

Music by Claude Foisy

Country: United Kingdom

Running Time: 96 minutes

CAST

Jessica Barden as Lee

Elliot James Langridge as Michael

William Ash as Ian

Roxanne Pallett as Alex

Sally Carman as Mand

Andrew Ellis as Dig

Louis Emerick as Dave

Joanne Mitchell as Katie

Nina Johnston as Mother

Robert Beck as Grant

Emmanuel Ighodaro as Sean

Nigel Travis as Ray

Sally Bankes as Nurse

Mark Sheals as Chuck

Tom Wells as News Reporter

Hayley Thomas as Girl

Garth Maunders as Eddie

Natalie Ferrigno as Employment Agency Advisor

(I nicked the pics offa that there IMDB; don’t tell me parole officer, awright? Wink’s as good as a nod, eh? Sorted.)

Habit is very nearly a very good horror movie; unfortunately a careless ending unwisely opts to lean on clichés from a different genre. Which is a crying shame because until then you could easily think Habit is really onto something. C’mon, you plucky fucker, c’mon….but, no, in the end it craps out. Habit is based on a novel I haven’t read, so maybe the failure was baked in, I don’t know; I only know it flops frustratingly in the final act. The good news, though, is that there are two very good acts before that happens, and the final act isn’t all that bad; it just doesn’t carry the canny groundwork of the first two to a suitable conclusion. Basically, it suddenly and inexplicably forgets its core metaphor, which is highly peculiar because it’s such a strong one. See if you can spot it. Clue: the title.

Michael is a young scrote in Manchester, pubbing it, and, when the meagre dole allows, clubbing it. He’s a nice enough lad, but a bit easily led; usually by Dig, the typical mate who causes trouble and scarpers, leaving you in the lurch. Not a lot of oomph about Michael, maybe because of a traumatic incident in his past. Strike that; definitely because of a traumatic incident in his past, and it’s done a more obvious number on his sister, Mand, who is trying to live the straight life but is only just clinging on by her fingernails. Getting pissed, getting into trouble, driving his overprotective sister to distraction; it’s life as Michael knows it. But Michael’s comfortably numb life changes when elfin but pushy Lee barges her way into his life. Lee has a bit more about her and a few more connections to boot. Soon Michael is minding the door at a massage club as Lee and the owner, Ian, draw him into an even deeper underworld, where Michael gets a taste of something that makes life feel fookin’ magic, but is definitely illegal. Can Michael cope with the new knowledge the habit brings about himself, and can he help poor Mand, or will circumstances conspire to force an escalation in the horror and birth a climactic eruption of violence. It’s a horror movie, so no prizes for guessing, pal.

One area where Habit wins and wins big is in its authenticity. The characters feel like real people. I recognise these people from my own somewhat less than gilded past. Well, most of them; I’ve never been in a massage parlour so I’ll take the portrayal of “the girls” on trust. Elliot James Langridge is way too buff for a doley subsisting on Pot Noodles and lager, but he gives Michael a nicely reluctant air about, well, everything in the early stages. And, given what happens later, the fact he retains a very human, very sympathetic air throughout is quite remarkable. It’s important for Habit to work as well as it does, that both Michael and Lee never lose their appeal, and Jessica Barden as Lee holds her end up by never taking bolshy to an irritating extreme. Andrew Ellis as Dig is purely irritating; but that’s his whole point, that’s his character. What a dickhead, is precisely the reaction Andrew Ellis is after; and he gets it. William Ash as Ian is well good as the kind of dodgy geezer who is always seductive company; bit of a lad, inne? But Sally Carman as Mand deserves special mention. Her character could quite easily have come off as shrill and needy, a proper horrorshow, a bit of a mare, yeah? But instead we have a quite affecting display of mental illness in action, particularly that terrible bit where unfounded optimism leads to a horrible unravelling. I felt for Mand, you know. Hell, I felt for all of them. Except Dig; what a twat.

Habit builds these characters up well, and the actors give them sprightly life and it’s all very believable, all very kitchen sink. For a horror set in the mundanity of the everyday its vital that nothing rings false. A lot of Habit’s success in this is also down to a pitch perfect portrayal of Manchester after dark. It’s been a long while since I soiled the streets of Manny (you could smoke in pubs; and we did, we did) but I still recall the vibe, the weak neon glare off wet stone, the squawking of drunk lasses and the muffled thump of the lads kicking someone’s head in down an alley. Habit does a lovely job with Manchester, does it proud. Habit has characters, atmosphere and pacing, and for much of the run time it controls them adroitly. But having thought of a new way to consider an old subject, it suddenly finds it has nothing to say and decides to end like a 1970s Paul Schrader movie. It’s not an altogether terrible ending, but Habit needed a better one. But so does Michael. And Lee. And Mand. And all of us. Except Dig. Christ, what a twat.

#Habit #Movies #Horror #United Kingdom #The 2010s #2017 #Simeon Halligan #Jessica Barden #William Ash #Sally Carman #Elliot James Langridge

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dbnightingale24 · 3 years

Text

Last Chance At Redemption

Chapter 13

THE ELECTION IS FINALLY OVER!!! Which means I can finally get my brain to focus on writing again :). So, this chapter is filled with even more drama and angst than the last one (cause I live for that shit), but do not worry. The chapter I’m uploading next (literally right after I post this) is filled with fluff and love. All the good things. So, sit back, relax, and be glad Abigail’s family isn’t yours.

Warnings: DRAMA, angst, drinking, swearing, talks of cheating, mentions of death/suicide, shitty writing...I think that’s it?

Word Count: 3091 (sorry about that)

Songs That Inspired This Chapter:

Go To Hell For Heaven’s Sake - Bring Me The Horizon

Simmer - Hayley Williams

I do not consent to have my stories/works posted anywhere else.

The days leading up to Thanksgiving were stressful to say the least. Abigail hadn’t bothered to talk to anyone except Taylor for the remainder of the week. Lisa had tried calling and texting her multiple times, but Abigail just ignored it. The one time she bothered to respond to a text, she told her to fuck off and go to hell. Ransom had been trying to talk to her but she didn’t have the energy.

Both he and Taylor had explained that the only reason he hadn’t told her sooner, was because he wanted to make sure she’d believe him. He knew that if she didn’t see it in real time, she find a reason to not believe him, which is why he always posted it in stories. The only reason he let Taylor send it was because he knew Abigail would always believe her. As irritated as Abigail wanted to be, she knew he had a valid point.

Todd, in a desperate attempt to get Abigail to talk to him, came clean about everything with Lisa. Finding out that they had hooked up on the anniversary of her father’s death put the final nail in the coffin. As far as Abigail was concerned, Lisa and Todd could have each other, because she was done with the both of them.

“I don’t understand why that little bitch is still invited to Thanksgiving dinner,” Taylor mumbled, stirring the pasta sauce “she should be banned from everything for life.”

“Because Willow and my mother. Willow didn’t sleep with my boyfriend, Lisa did. I’m also in no mood to hear my mother bitch about her not being here.”

“Are you gonna tell her?”

“Not if I can help it” Abigail mumbled, draining the pasta.

Both Taylor and Abigail had woken up early to decorate the house and prepare the food. Taylor did her best to keep Abigail calm but nothing seemed to help much. Abigail couldn’t remember the last good Thanksgiving she had and she just wanted to get it over with. She wanted everything to just be over and done with.

“So…I’m gonna tell you something and you’re gonna be mad at me, but it’s for the best” Taylor all but mumbled while picking at her fingers.

“Oh God, who did you punch?”

“You’re probably gonna wish I had punched someone.”

“Fuck…well, spit it out.”

“So….I kinda…this is a GOOD thing.”

“Just tell me already!”

“I invited Ransom to Thanksgiving dinner.”

“You did what?!” Abigail yelled, almost dropping a bowl of salad.

“I told you you’d be angry, but it really is a good thing. This will be his test.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“You and I both know today is gonna be a shit show. Your mom and Lisa in the same place. Heidi and your mom in the same place; things are bound to get out of control. If he can’t handle it, he can’t handle you and you need to move on.”

“That’s not necessarily fair. My family is a lot-”

“Stop it. So is his, but you’re still in love with him. We all come with baggage and we all need help dealing with shit. If he can’t handle you when shit is crazy, then he doesn’t deserve you at your best” Taylor stated simply.

Though it was a fucked up plan, it was a good plan. “You should’ve told me before you did it.”

“So you could try to talk me out of it? Nope” Taylor smirked, as the doorbell rang. “You ready?”

“Nope. Let’s get this over with” Abigail sighed, wiping her hands off on her apron and heading towards the front door. Que Sera Sera

“When do I get to meet the boyfriend?” Abigail’s mom asked, taking a seat at the kitchen isle.

“I told you over the phone that we broke up” Abigail mumbled, whipping mashed potatoes.

Thanksgiving festivities had been in full swing for a few hours and Abigail was ready for it all to be over. Everyone was at her house except for Ransom and while part of her felt relieved, she would have been lying if she said she didn’t miss him.

“What happened with you and your sister? You haven’t said a word to her and you’re clearly okay with letting her stay with that little tart-”

“Watch it,” Abigail snapped, putting the pot of mashed potatoes down “I told you, if you can’t play nice you can go home.”

“Yeah, I remember the rules” she scoffed, before taking a sip of her scotch. “Anyway, what happened there?”

“Without going into detail, she can go fuck herself.”

“It can’t be that bad, you two always get over whatever issue you’re having.”

“Nope, this time she’s crossed the line and I’m fucking done. If it has nothing to do with Willow, I don’t give a damn” Abigail muttered, aggressively cutting up lettuce.

“She’s your sister, Abby.”

“Someone should bother to tell her that.”

“I raised you-”

“Don’t okay? Just don’t. You always make excuses for her and shitty behavior and that’s why she’s so fucked up now. Actions have consequences and it’s time she fucking realized that.”

Abigail took a large sip of her wine and checked the time to see that it was almost 4. She sighed in resignation, accepting that Ransom probably wasn’t coming, but perked up when she heard the doorbell. She did her best to hide her excitement from her mother, who was already looking at her suspiciously, as she made her way to the front door.

She smiled as she opened the door. Ransom stood there with a bottle of wine in hand, shifting his weight from foot to foot. She couldn’t help but giggle at how nervous he was, but her happiness soon disappeared when she saw who was standing behind him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” she hissed at Todd, standing aside for Ransom to come inside. However, she knew he could tell it was better to stay where he was.

“You invited Ransom?”

“I invited Ransom,” Taylor spat, coming up behind Abigail “you aren’t welcome here and you need to leave.”

“I’ll deal with you later and I will find out where that video came from.”

“How the fuck are you mad at her right now?! What right…ugh, you need to go-”

“Who is it?” Abigail’s mother asked, standing in the kitchen doorway.

“Jesus Christ,” Abigail mumbled “no one of any importance-”

“Ah, the ex-boyfriend. Well, he was stupid enough to show up, let him in” she stated simply.

“I really don’t think that would be best.”

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it” her mother responded coolly.

“Oh for fuck’s sake.”

Abigail stepped aside, letting both guys inside, before closing the door and locking it. She turned to see Lisa standing there, eyes wide and mouth slightly opened, before making eye contact with Abigail. In response, Abigail just scoffed and shook her head before going back into the kitchen. Happy Thanksgiving indeed.

With a newly added distraction of Todd and her mother having a million questions, it took Abigail longer than she wanted to finish dinner. It also didn’t help that she had gone through an entire bottle of wine by herself, but it was either that or her snapping at everyone. When she finally finished dinner, Lisa offered to help, which only resulted in Abigail barking at her to stay out of the way.

When everyone was finally situated at the table, it was painfully quiet, with the exception of the Disney movie the girls were watching playing in the background. Ransom mainly kept his eyes on his plate but glanced at Abigail ever so often, Abigail kept her eyes on the clock, Taylor glared at Todd, Todd kept his eyes on Abigail, Lisa kept her eyes on Todd, Abigail’s mother kept shifting her eyes back and forth between Abigail and Lisa, Heidi was trying to sneak a view of the movie the girls were watching, and Jeff (Taylor’s husband) was happily oblivious as he kept eating.

“Everything came out amazing, as usual. I missed your cooking” Jeff praised, mouth full of food.

“What does that mean?” Taylor smirked, nudging him playfully.

“It means she’s a better cook than you and you know I’m right” he grinned.

“Thanks bud, it’s nice to know I’m still good for something” Abigail chuckled, turning her gaze on him.

“So Todd,” her mother finally spoke “you’re an attorney, right?”

“Yeah, I work for-”

“I didn’t ask that, I only asked your job. How long have you been one?”

“Please stop,” Abigail groaned, taking a sip of wine “the less he speaks the better.”

“Abigail I-”

“I literally just said the less you talk, the better” she snapped at him, cutting him a cold glare.

“I’m gonna take this as my cue to take the girls outside to play” Jeff all but whispered before getting up, and telling the girls to put on their jackets so they could go outside and play for a game of tag.

“Abigail-”

“Mother. Do not. Drop it” she warned, pouring herself another glass.

“Maybe you’ve had enough to drink” Lisa chimed in.

“Maybe you should shut the fuck up,” Abigail snapped back “why are you even here?! I’ve made it perfectly clear that I want nothing to do with you” she shot at Todd.

“I am so so sorry. If you would just hear me out-”

“There’s literally nothing you can say to justify what you did. This day is hard enough as is, and now you’re here? Pretending that we broke up over something as small as you forgetting my birthday? You’ve gotta be shitting me.”

“We’re both at fault for what happened!”

“I’m sorry, how is it my fault that you were having an affair with my sister?” Abigail questioned, as Heidi choked on her own glass of wine and her mother dropped her fork. “Fuck.”

“You did what!? Lisa, after everything your father did with that-”

“Do not” Abigail warned again.

“How am I in the wrong?! You’re the one who invited the home wrecker. Letting your sister stay with her, no wonder she’s sleeping with your boyfriend!”

“I am sitting right here” Heidi muttered, taking a sip of her wine.

“Me?! She’s your fucking daughter! Maybe if you had spent more time parenting and less time working, she wouldn’t be such a fucking shit show! You can hate me all you want for trying to mend the fucking holes in this family, but at the end of the day, this fucked up family is your fault! This” Abigail motioned to the dinner table “is not my fucking job and I am so sick and tired of cleaning up everyone’s shit and getting hell for it!

Yes, I did invite Heidi! You wanna know why? Besides the fact she has been housing your daughter and is raising my half sister, she was a fucking kid! Dad was the adult in the situation and he should’ve done better! It is so fucking exhausting to hold onto your hate for people! Dad wanted-”

“You always took your father’s side!”

“What fucking drugs are you on?! I took your side! I didn’t talk to dad for years!” Abigail yelled, slamming her hands down on the table.

“I am not drunk enough for this” Taylor mumbled, before standing up and getting more wine from the kitchen.

“I don’t have to take this-”

“Of course, why on earth would you ever wanna be held accountable for being a shitty parent?” Abigail mumbled, taking another sip of her wine.

“Abs, mom did her-”

“I don’t need need any help from you, you little slut!”

“Oh my God, enough!” Heidi yelled, cause everyone to jump and look at her. “You’re so pissed at Abigail for inviting me and taking it out on Lisa like you have some fucking leg to stand on. Meanwhile, you were fucking Dan for the last two years of his life!”

Now it was Abigail’s turn to choke on her wine, while Taylor came running back in with two new bottles of wine. “I’m sorry,” she panted, taking a seat and pouring herself a new glass “come again?”

“I’m not fucking stupid. I knew that the “business” he had in Jersey was you, but I didn’t fucking say anything because I had no fucking right. He was yours first. But you knew. You knew you were taking him away from his daughter, you knew I was fighting to make that marriage work because I had no one, and you knew how bad things were getting with him. You think I didn’t hear the phone calls with him crying and begging you to take him back? Begging you to get Lisa to talk to him? You knew where he was at mentally and you didn’t do shit to help him. I busted my ass trying to get him to appreciate what he had and you used him to get what you want and to hurt me. Now, you wanna sit here and hate everyone like you’re so fucking innocent and I am tired of it!

I have a daughter who cries for her father every other fucking day, who was getting bullied s bad at school that I had to pull her out, I’m taking care of your train wreck of a daughter and her child, and my family still isn’t speaking to me. You don’t get to sit at this table and bash anyone at this table, you fucking devil!” Heidi spat, tears streaming down her face.

“So…you knew and you did nothing?” Abigail after a beat.

“I didn’t think he’d-”

“You knew and you did nothing?!” she yelled, slamming her glass down so hard on the table that it broke.

“Abby-”

“Do not call, do not text, do not visit, and do not ask about me. From this point on, you are dead to me. If it has nothing to do with Nanna or Poppa, I don’t care to hear about it.”

“Abigail please-”

“Get out of my house. I don’t care what you do or where you go, just get the hell away from me.”

“Please just let me-”

‘GET OUT!” Abigail shouted, glaring daggers at her mother.

Her mother slowly and quietly got her things together before making her way out. The silence in the wake of her leaving was deafening. Taylor opened her mouth multiple times to speak, but she couldn’t find the words.

“Dinner is over. You all do whatever you want.” Abigail stated, pushing her char out and getting up.

“Abigail I-”

“Except you. You get the fuck out. Willow can stay and hang out if she wants, but I want you and Todd out of my house, now.”

“Please just-”

“Make me repeat myself and you will regret it.” Abigail warned, hands already balled into a fist.

Lisa hung her head in defeat as she got up and started to get herself together. Todd looked as if she was going to say something, but thought better of it and followed Lisa’s lead. Abigail could feel Ransom’s gaze on her, but wouldn’t dare look. She didn’t want to see what the gaze held. She knew as soon as Taylor told her he was coming, it was going to be a disaster of a Thanksgiving. However, she had nothing like what had happened in mind. She was amazed he had stayed for the whole thing, even more amazed that he didn’t leave as soon as she said dinner was over.

She made her way up the steps to her room, closing the door behind her. She didn’t even bother to turn on the light, she just got under her covers, wrapped them around her tight, and slowly made her way to dream. There were no tears because she was tired of crying and there was no drinking because she already felt numb. No, she just let darkness of her room, mind, and soul consume her until she succumbed to the darkness of sleep.

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