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#exactly the same shit as those women from that wannabe the office show
boyapologist · 3 years
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even though I understand that marriages fall apart it does make me feel weird that john mulaney found a new girlfriend like 5 months after his divorce and she isn't even like, a good fucking person
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krreader · 5 years
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Monsta X (mafia!au) reacting to meeting you for the first time.
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pairing: monsta x x reader fandom: monsta x warnings: non idol!au ; mafia!au ; mentions of murder ; language genre: angst ; fluff ; crack ; crime
a/n: there you go my love, I hope you like it ♥
ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.
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son hyunwoo
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“My, my, my,” you walked into the warehouse with your high heels and your hands clapping as you looked at Hyunwoo and his goons, “Trying to steal from me, weren't you?”
“Trying to take back what you first stole from me first is more like it,” unlike his men, Hyunwoo didn't hold a gun.
He was confident, had his hands behind his back and was smiling at you.
He was a pro, you could tell.
“When my men told me that you came here, I had to see for myself what the great Son Hyunwoo looked like. They say you're capable of a lot of things..”
“And yet you stole from me, knowing that I wouldn't let that slide.”
“You took the bait, didn't you? You're here after all.”
Mafia business was.. complicated. Sometimes asking someone to come and talk to you wasn't exactly going to work, so you had to make statements instead.
And a statement you made.
Hyunwoo was impressed, his grin indicating that.
“Alright, (Y/N). I'm all ears.”
“Wonderful. Shall we drive back to my office, then?”
“Lead the way.”
shin hoseok
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“Do you have any idea who I am?” you asked the man who was about to torture you.
You weren't scared, you were just genuinely wondering if they knew what they were getting themselves into.
If your family found out about this, they'd burn the people responsible and all their families until there was nothing but ashes left.
“I do,” the door got opened and in walked a man you weren't familiar with.
Handsome, well-built, yet his eyes held nothing but hatred.
“You the one in charge?”
“I am.”
“Get to the point, then. What do you want?”
Hoseok laughed and sat down on an empty chair in the room, leaning forward with his elbows on his legs, “You really have no idea.. or maybe.. maybe you weren't even responsible after all.”
“Responsible for what?”
“Four months ago, someone murdered seven of my men and their families in cold blood. I took something that, apparently, had belonged to your family and to show me what happens to people who steal from your family, they made a statement.”
You remembered this, but you hadn't been the one who had done it. One of your father's men had done it.
“That someone wasn't me.”
“Doesn't matter to me now.. even if you didn't do it, you will help me get the one who did it. Otherwise I will send you back to daddy in pieces.”
“You're not scaring me, sweetheart,” you smiled at him, “And besides.. you and I both know you're not the type to do that.”
You knew killers and the likes merely by looking at them. And he wasn't one of them.
And you ended up being right. Hoseok didn't touch you once, he just left you in that room and visited every once in a while.
However, you two ended up talking. A lot. He explained himself to a point where you pitied him. Your father and his men had done a lot of horrible things that you couldn’t agree with, what they did to his men being one of them.
And who would have thought that you'd end up helping him get the man who hurt him so much.. and then even take down your own father because you knew this city was being flooded with blood that your father spilled..
lee minhyuk
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Was this guy for real?
Did he really think storming your base, all alone, would get him anything other than killed?
No.. nobody could be this stupid right?
You raised your hand, telling your men to stand down, then you carefully approached him.
“What's your name?”
“Minhyuk. Lee Minhyuk,” he was pointing his gun at you, but his hands were shaking.
“Alright, Lee Minhyuk,” you smiled, “I don't think you're used to guns, so why don't you put it down and tell me why you're here?”
“No!” and when his arms stiffened, your men were all immediately on high alert again, but you just told them to stand down once more.
“Okay.. okay, then.. tell me what you want, Minhyuk.”
“Three weeks ago, your people came into my family's shop and started taking whatever the hell you wanted. My father tried to stop you and then you started hitting him.. so much until he didn't move anymore. I tried to stop them, but they pushed me and I fell, hitting my head and falling unconscious. And when I woke up, my father was lying dead beside me and my mother was screaming her lungs out.”
This was the first time you heard about that. You hadn't ordered a raid, nor did you order civilians to be killed. You never ordered that.
But your men.. some of them were bastards, no matter how loyal or tough they were. 
“Guns down. All of you,” you waited until all guns were on the floor, then you looked back at Minhyuk, “Look around and tell me if you can see the men that did it.”
Oh, that he did. He’d remember them for the rest of his life.
Five of them. Five of them that you shot without blinking once.
You were ruthless, but only when necessary. Raiding stores of poor families wasn't what you were known for, this was simply power play of some of your men and you weren't here for that.
It wouldn't bring his family back, but he could breathe again afterwards.
“Let me get you something to drink.. it won't bring your father back, but maybe I can help you somehow.. pay for the funeral, money.. whatever you need, you'll get. It’s the least I can do for you”
Minhyuk wanted to hate you, but you weren't like them.
And that's what made him come with you.
yoo kihyun
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Yoo Kihyun embodied everything you hated about this business.
The cocky 'I'm above everyone' guy that thought he owned the underworld and everyone who lived in it, despite his father being the boss of the mafia. Or at least a mafia group.
Because, even though he would probably like it very much, he wasn't the only one who ruled this city. Or at least the underground parts of it.
“Hey princess,” while yours and his father talked, Kihyun finally – unfortunately – decided to talk to you. He was smoking, blowing the disgusting smoke right into your face, but you didn't even flinch, didn't even close your eyes, “Heard a lot about you, you know? My father told me you're very.. skilled with those hands of yours.”
From the way he licked his lips he wanted to insinuate something sexual, but you couldn’t care less, no matter how handsome he looked.
You cocked your head to the side, smiling at him sweetly, “I can kill you in five seconds with 'those hands' and I'm going to consider it if you don't stop blowing smoke into my face.”
Not the response Kihyun usually got from women, that's why he looked so taken aback. But he ended up smiling and did what you asked with a nod, “I like you.”
“Congrats.”
And with that you walked away.
He liked you so much that whenever he got the chance, he’d approach you. He was annoying, he was a little shit, but nowadays, meetings felt kinda empty without him and his annoying smoking and drinking and smiling..
..maybe you liked him too.. just a little bit though.
chae hyungwon
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“Not to rain on your parade or anything, but.. did you just say your father is the biggest underworld boss there is?” you furrowed your eyebrows, your girlfriends behind you all giggling at that.
“He is,” Hyungwon said with confidence, all of his male friends behind him grinning cockily, “I'm sure you've heard of him.. everyone has.”
“Oh, I have, yes. It's the one my father usually laughs about every day at dinner. He calls him 'Magikarp'. Says he's not good for shit.”
Hyungwon did not hit women, but he was so fucking close to making an exception for you when he took a step closer.
To his surprise, you didn't even flinch, you just continued grinning.
“Next time you try to brag about your family, don't do it in front of me when you know my father is the real boss,” you whispered, gently patting his cheek and then walking away with swaying hips.
And him and his group of wannabe mafia bosses stood there with open mouths, until one of them whispered: “You have to give it to her.. she's amazing.”
They all agreed until Hyungwon angrily turned around and murdered them with his look.
lee jooheon
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To think that the guy in front of you was the same guy that you had messaged for months now, had gotten to know and maybe even love and now you found out that he had lied to you all along and was someone else entirely.
But, truth be told, you had no right to be angry with him, because you had lied to him as well.
He had gotten your number through a friend, said friend had not told him who you were and you hadn't told him either. You said you were normal and he said the same thing. You guys got to know each other as the people you would like to be, not the people you really were..
But now as you were standing across from the other one, you both realized that destiny could be a little bitch sometimes.
“Do.. you.. know each other?” your father asked as you and Jooheon had been staring at each other for at least five minutes now.
“No.. unfortunately not.”
Jooheon had felt so bad lying to you about his life.. he had thought you'd hate him if he told you the truth, but maybe.. maybe you were a lot more accepting than he thought you’d be.
“Maybe we could get to know each other though.. for real.”
You smiled a little, “I'd like that a lot.”
In the meantime, your fathers just shrugged and went ahead with the scheduled meeting.
“I’m Jooheon,” he extended his hand.
“Nice to meet you, Jooheon. I’m (Y/N),” you smiled as you shook his head.
Maybe destiny was a bitch, but a bitch that always knew what she did.
im changkyun
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It was pouring in Seoul tonight. Only a few people were running through the streets, desperate to find a roof over their heads to not get soaked.
And yet there was one person standing in front of your house that did not move, but looked straight at you.
You furrowed your eyebrows, ended up walking away and getting yourself a drink, but only a few moments later, you realized you weren't alone anymore.
“I knew you were here for me.. am I going to end up dead tonight?” always the same.. would they ever learn?
“That depends on you, (Y/N),” he kept quite a lot of distance between you two, was soaked when you turned around a looked at him, “My name is Changkyun. The one who got sent to murder you.”
“And? Are you going to? Like the last five that have tried?”
“That is why I said it will depend on you.”
He wasn't like the last assassin's. He was willing to talk, the others just wanted to kill you straight away.
Why though?
“Well? What do you want, then? Money? Power? Women?”
“Information. You give that to me, I will give you the name of the person who hired me and all those before me.”
“Aren't you afraid that he'll hunt you down?”
Changkyun snorted, “If I give you the name, I doubt he'll live for very much longer.”
Whoever that person was, this game was getting boring. You always killed the assassin’s and you wanted a peaceful night again for once. So this was an easy deal. Whatever information he wanted, you’d gladly trade it for some good night’s rest.
“Good point,” you poured another glass and then extended your hand, “You've got yourself a deal, Changkyun.”
He pulled down his hood with a grin.
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heechulhamster · 5 years
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Flawed Humans - Kim Jongin (Kai)
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KIM JONGIN x Reader
Angst, Husband!Jongin AU. 4162 words.
Warnings: Mentions of sex and infidelity, and lots of angst. (I hate the fact that I can only write angst, it seems like I don’t have any sweet bones for a fluff) 
   You two are just humans, flawed and imperfect. Humans that were susceptible to mistakes and to break promises. He was fragile and you’re unforgiving. Jongin was too malleable and you were too stubborn.
(Inspired by the song  Humans by The Human League. One of my favorite 80s songs :)
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A glimmering color of gold, that was supposed to be the symbol of the love that never fades. The shape of a circle that emphasizes the infinite amount of time you were to spend with each other. And both of your initials symbolizing that it was something you own, whether that ownership be regarding the mere exorbitant jewelry lying in front of you, or the person whose other initial engraved upon it belongs to.
You stare at the wedding band you absentmindedly placed over the glass table, keenly examining all its features. And it was when you wonder, how a miniscule object can hold a boundless amount of sentiment attached and ordained by its owner. To others, it’s just an expensive metal forged into a piece of jewelry - a symbol of luxurious commitment. But to you, it is a metal that gave your life further meaning. It felt as if an extension of your existence, a portal from your ring finger to another person’s life - to his life. Well, it was.
You removed the ring for a reason.
There was always a restless feeling whenever the ring didn’t made contact on your finger. And you’ll typically be in a rush in search for the connection once more. But now, the skin that touched the jewelry itched, stinged, burned. Like a sore reminder of a relationship that turned sour, a promise that was broken, and a heart that was ruined - that he ruined.
So now you sit in isolation on the long dining table, your back facing the entrance that he could emerge from an any time now. All of your luggages are now packed and sealed in your room, ready to be picked up once the conversation you were dreading to engage in is over.
Then you hear the opening and shutting of the door. Your mere knowledge of his presence made your stomach turn a random degree, in pain, in disgust, in sadness. Your senses told you that he was approaching your place, and you breathed deeply. This is it.
You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him as his large hands started to envelop your torso from the back of your dining chair. His smell still that familiar musk that you love - yes, present tense, despite all the torment it stirs in your bones. You feel his lips on your cheek as his embrace around you tightens.
“What are you doing here all alone? I hope you weren’t waiting for me.” Jongin said with a chuckle before he lets you go and makes his way around the table to grab a cold drink from the refrigerator.
You swear you practiced the parting speech you were supposed to give. A rough explanation on why you’ll leave, a summary of his infidelity and how he broke you - and how much you’re unable to heal afterwards. But now like a dagger in your throat, your words were stuck and left silence on the thin air that enveloped the both of you.
“Work was a chaos today, Sehun kept on messing his lines up and we did a ton shit of retakes. Ah, the pain of the ass that boy is.” He started rambling regarding his job, his dream, his passion. The profession where you met him.
Jongin was just a simple production assistant when you met him, and you were just starting your way up an endless ladder of show business and landed a small role as a friend of the sister of the lead character. It was far off from your dream of formally acting and starring on the big screen but it was a start. You met him on set, the charismatic and promising crew member that was on one of his stepping stones to become an actual director.
You found yourself during the breaks in between takes with him hanging out in the back of a trailer truck. Sipping the much needed coffee for the shoot that transpired the whole night till the sun rises again. Chatting over the parts of your lives that you still didn’t know each other, seemingly catching up to the times that was before him and his life before he met you - as if the information would be useful as you’ll be spending the future together.
Maybe it wasn’t wishful thinking, as he asked you out after the production - not wanting to end your connection the same time the reel of the film ended. And two years after that, you gave your vows in front of your family and gave the promise of being together as long as your breaths are in the same rhythm as the other. And stand together as long as your heart beats the sound of his name and his bled yours in capital letters.The very same vow that he broke.
You decided to give up your futile dream of being a movie star not long after. Realizing that you just weren’t suited for the job, as the glitz and the glamour didn’t fit you nor satisfy you. You realized that the entertainment business was less of the art, and more of the business. An industry built on the capitalization of glamorous people to market them as what the society wants to be like. You deemed that as preposterous, you saw acting as a form of expression and art - and it just wasn’t it. So you shifted to the officework that most would say was legions of degrees more boring and black and white that the industry you used to be in. But you actually found happiness in the isolation and quietness of it.
However, Jongin is persevered to reach his lifelong dream of making art and imaginary universes on screen. To breathe conceptual characters unto life, making the ideas of writers translate onto screen and the audience. Which he actually reached, and became the wick of the time bomb that was your marriage.
It was inevitable for Jongin to meet a handful of astonishing, tempting, and young women who were eager to seduce him in their way up the industry ladder. You knew the hustle, it was dirty play but it’s how it works. Two years into your seemingly perfect and happy marriage, a promising young actress wannabe seduces your husband, the dashing director, her way into the lead role.
You weren’t supposed to find out. You sometimes wonder if you didn’t drop by on the set on unholy hours of the night. You drove 4 hours into the remote location they needed for the beach setting of the movie. Jongin has been gone for the better parts of the week, and besides for the natural longing for your husband, you wondered if he was resting enough to at least be at a functioning state or overworking yet again like the workaholic that he is. If you were to be honest, a peculiar intuition also fueled you to go there. A noticeable influx of texts from an unlabelled workmate flooded his phone during the few times that he was beside you when his new project started. He would usually be enthusiastic to tell each and every detail of an undergoing production but those past few days marked a decline in the information he gave. As if he was trying to hide something from you.
The hunches that you felt almost screamed at your face when a few of his crew looked as if all blood left their body when you appeared on the set. You just knew something was happening, but you were too afraid to conclude. It would be instinctive of you to crash on his trailer and catch him on the act, red handed. But what would that benefit you? An image to fill your nightmares with? A photographic memory of your husband, the love of your life, your Jongin, fucking a younger, sexier, and prettier starlet with the wide hips and small frame you could only be in memory. You’re sure you wouldn’t be able to bear with that memory, that image, ingrained in your mind for eternity so you faked a smile to his production assistant.
“On a break?” You tried to fake innocence, the image of a wife that was only here to see his husband - not catch him cheating.
Donghyuck, his young and loyal assistant was only able to nod. You see his tent illuminated from the inside, so you gestured that you’ll be on your way there. He opened his mouth, as if to warn you or hold you back from the nightmare that you’re imagining. It was rather a confirmation that your thoughts were real and God knows what’s happening inside that tent.
“Don’t worry, I’ll wait for him outside.” And you smiled with a paint of reassurance for the young man. A face with the underlying image of pain, and a pair of eyes that was only a blink away from shedding tears.
And there you stood outside the tent, and it took all your willpower to not go inside and pull the homewrecker by her hair. Or kick Jongin by his dick that was probably engaged in a heated activity inside another woman. The sounds gave off what exactly has happening inside, it was the shattering of a vow, the destruction of your heart, and the invalidation of the future you planned for the both of you.
All for what? A steaming sex inside a collapsible tent with a woman with the body proportions of a goddess, the lips of a devious seductress, and the eyes of a feline.
Yes, that was all it took for him to ruin everything.
Maybe her image spoke of the way you did look like when you first met? Young and fresh and new, maybe that was he was looking for. Maybe Jongin was tired of the same old you that didn’t see proper taking care of the past few months because she was too busy for her office work.
After what seemingly took forever of you waiting outside the dreaded tent, two figures emerged from the flaps of the exit. One of a breathtaking homewrecker, and that of a cheater of a husband.  Both sweaty from what just took place, and Jongin was still buttoning his shirt when his eyes caught yours. His face turned from lust to an insurmountable amount of shock.
That was the last thread that was holding the floodgates from your eyes.
The first tear shed as you caught the other pair of eyes. You weren’t sure if she was just shocked, but she surely wasn’t apologetic. Damn, you couldn’t even pin a name on the slut that destroyed your marriage. A lame excuse of an artist who was willing to ruin a marriage in exchange of fame, or maybe she really lusted after your husband - the one labelled as the hottest director in the industry as to date. One who looked like he belonged more in front of the cameras rather than giving instructions behind it. You wouldn’t be able to blame her then, who could help themselves from wanting a taste of Kim Jongin?
But that Kim Jongin was yours, that taste was only yours for the taking.
Your eyes wandered back to Jongin when he spoke of your name. A bitter taste flooded your mouth in the thought that he still had the audacity to call you after what had transpired moments ago. You tried to win the situation and keep your calm, be the classy and mannered wife in front of the other woman and your cheating husband. With a small smile forming on your lips, your eyes wandered on his left hand. And there you saw the familiar shimmer of gold, a band of metal that’s full of promises and a future that can now be considered tarnished or obsolete.
“You didn’t even bother removing your ring, I see. That excited?” You said sarcastically.
“It’s not-” Jongin started as he took steps to you. To which you cackled a small amount of laugh at, he wasn’t actually trying to lie out of this wasn’t he?
“We both know what this is, Jongin.” You turned your head back to her. “I don’t usually have a knack for sharing, but it looks like I didn’t have control over the situation. It’s not my choice that my husband wanted to be shared.”
Jongin’s warm hands held your elbows, a usual gesture that you should be used to but now disgusted at. His warm brown eyes pleading for you to listen, or maybe for forgiveness as he accepted his defeat that he cannot be acquitted of the situation. So you just let your guard down and your tears fall, maybe it would break him to see you in pain if his love and care for you still existed in the deepest chambers of his heart.
“I hope it was all worth it, Jongin.” With that, you struggled out of his grasps and back into your car. It was blurry how you managed to get home with all the noise that occupied your mind - but you managed to go home safe, and it was needless to say that Jongin came barging in a few hours after begging for your forgiveness.
He promised a lot of things, that he would change for the better, that he would try and make things right, that he’ll never look the other way again, and that he would make it up to you. But were those band-aid solutions enough to mend the ruins that was left of your heart? You agreed to try again, still too stubborn and dumbly inlove with Jongin to let him go. You don’t know if you could start your life from scratch so you agreed to stay and maybe rebuild the things he broke.
And he indeed changed, he would always come home no matter how late the production ends and no matter how far away the locations were set. He always updated you on everything, as if he could lessen or eradicate the doubts that were bound to fill your mind when he was away. Jongin always let you meet the new actors he was working with and always introduced you as his loving wife, the love of his life, his everything. And maybe you would believe that he really viewed you that way. That if he labelled himself as taken and committed to a wife that waits for him at home, you’d be assured that he’s sticking to your vows that it was just you and him for better or for worse.
But for you, it was never the same. It’s unfair, for sure. But then again, he was the one who ruined the trust you built for him. Every flower he sends, you think that maybe he’s covering up for another mistake. That every call you get late at night was a facade he uses to hide his wrongdoings. And everytime he touches you, when his lips touch yours, you can’t help but remember that you’re not the sole body he made contact with even if you were already bound and tied by marriage. He tried his best but you were to ruined to take notice, too much of a mess to even build yourself back. You can’t even fix yourself at this point, what more your marriage?
And there was his damn ring that was a splitting image of yours, only a few sizes larger. You’ll never forget that he was able to cheat, to touch another, to break you, wearing the ring you put on him on your wedding day along with all your promises and dreams. It was a sore, painful, insult that the ring that meant so much to you wasn’t able to remind Jongin of the promises he said in front of your family and friend, the promises he made for you. That it will always and only be you.
And that’s why your own ring sat on the table and not in the middle of your fingers.
Jongin saw the blank stare of your eyes, either wanting to tell so much that it wouldn’t come out or just a space of nothingness. So you proceeded to talk,
“I’m leaving.” Was all you muttered to say of all the pieces of speech you prepared the past few days.
“Where are you going? We could take a vacation right after this production we’re only two weeks away from finishing-” You cut him off. There was a rushed sense in the way he spoke so you knew that he was aware of what you were actually pertaining to.
“I’m leaving for good, Jongin.” Your eyes met his warm gaze, his face painted of confusion and pain. “My bags are packed upstairs, I just wanted to tell you formally so I waited for you.” You tried to smile as if it would lighted the burden of the situation.
“Why?” Was all he muttered to say, a contrast of the man he is with his way with words. All he was able to matter was a three letter word that he already knew an answer to.
“You know why, Jongin.” It was already a good four months after that night but you came to a resolution that everything was never going to be the same for the both of you so you came to this conclusion.
“I thought we were doing great, I thought we were being fine? I told you I’ll make it up.” He was a mess in front of you, the way his fingers rattled as he took the seat opposite yours and clasped your hands on the table. The way his words were a rattle rather than a concrete sentence. You couldn’t bring yourself to hurt him, to hate him, you still loved him so much. And the sight before you still brought a pang to your heart despite everything that happened.
“Was it not enough? I swear I’ll spend more time with you. After this- after this, I won’t take in projects to spend more time with you. Just don’t leave, don’t leave please. Let me fix this. Let me fix us.” Jongin put your hands on his cheeks and pressed lousy kisses on it as small drops of tears escaped his face which led to your own falling too.
“I’m sorry but I just can’t look at you the same way as before. I don’t know how to meet your eyes without breaking my heart. How to trust you when you’re away. How to accept your touches without ever thinking about how you touched her. It’s just not the same.” You explained. His hands still clasping yours as he sobbed on them.
His eyes trailed to the gold band on top of the table, one hand letting go of yours as he picked up the ring. “Why would you take it off? We’re still married, please put it back. Please, Y/N..”
A sudden surge of displeasure flooded your palate. “How could you be the one to remind me that we’re still married? I know, Jongin. I know very well. Weren’t you the one who purposefully forget that even if you still wore a fucking ring?” You stood up in disbelief.
“It was a mistake! It was a mistake that I fucking regret everyday. Are you just going to hold it against me forever? I’m trying to fix this -” His hands waved all over the place as he tried to make a point. “I’m trying to fix us! But you’re unfair and you’re not giving me a chance!”
“I’m unfair? I’m the one who’s unfair, Jongin? It’s not my fault I can’t trust you anymore. How can I? How can I trust you when you were the very person I dedicated my life to but disregarded that by fucking some starlet for her big boobs and tiny waist?” You were never fond of profanities but there was no other way for expressing the pent up anger and pain in your heart.
“And mistake? It was never just as simple as that, Jongin. It was a group of decisions you’ve made, choices you’ve taken even if you knew how much it would break me, how much it would destroy me, how much it would break us. And the fact that you still went for it like an excited teenage boy just destroys every piece inside me that makes me want to make amends with you. Because how could I live with the knowledge that you chose to ruin our marriage over something as shallow as sex?”
All he was able to do was stare at the floor, on nothingness.
“You know what? That’s the most optimistic point of view I had in the situation. At least you were still thinking of me. But sometimes I think maybe I was completely absent from your mind, that you don’t think of me anymore that’s why it was so easy for you.” The last strands of your strength just crashed. After all these time, this marked the first time you opened up about what he did. Because there was a silent agreement between you two that if you didn’t talk about it, it would feel as if it never happened. That his infidelity never existed. That she was just a speckle of imagination and the two of you were still the perfect couple you once were. But tonight, the front is dropped and the truth is told. That neither of you have healed from the trauma, that he’s still guilty and he’ll always be, and you’re still hurt and you don’t know if it will change.
“I love you, I love you so much, Y/N. I was wrong. I was so wrong, and I know that nothing I say would make it alright, that I couldn’t change what I’ve done. But believe me that I’m still mad at myself for hurting you, for ruining us. I’d do everything, fuck, anything to keep you here. Please.” Jongin is now kneeling in front of you as he clasped your knees, begging you to stay as he sobbed greater than you’ve ever seen him cry before.
“I can’t stay. I love you but I can’t stay. I’d only be fooling the both of us if I stay.” You also kneeled and put your hands on the either sides of his face as you asked his eyes to look back at yours. His handsome, ethereal face already scrunched up from all the crying and screaming. It broke you to see him like this.
You want to forgive him, to forget everything and start anew. But you just couldn’t do it, not right now, not this way when everything just brought you back to the pain.
“Just come back, please. I don’t know what I’ll do without you. I don’t want to live my life without you in it. I don’t want it. Please come back, please.” He was a mess. Jongin is just an apologetic mess in front of you.
“I just need to leave to fix myself. And when I come back, then we’ll fix us. I just can’t be here and hope to fix our marriage when I’m a ruin inside. We should take the time off, reevaluate, maybe miss each other so when we see each other again we’re excited. Damn, I love you too much, Jongin. I don’t want to be away, but we need this.” Your foreheads now rested against each other. It was a blind promise, you don’t know how long healing would take you. But you knew you wanted to come back.
He let you go, physically that is. Jongin even helped you stack your luggages on the back of your car. But he didn’t let you go away without planting a kiss on every visible nook of your face, and without you promising that you’d come back.
Most people would consider you stupid for still wanting to come back, but back when you said in front of all the important people in your life that you were to love Jongin all your life no matter what - you meant it a little bit too much. And he already regretted the poor choices he made, you already saw how broken he could be if he loses you in his life. You’re just two shattered pieces that want to fit together again, but you know that won’t happen if the shattered pieces of your own beings aren’t even fixed.
You two are just humans, flawed and imperfect. Humans that were susceptible to mistakes and to break promises. He was fragile and you’re unforgiving. Jongin was too malleable and you were too stubborn. Two imperfect humans that felt whole when they are together.
So maybe when the downfall subsided, when the shrapnels start to fall back into its rightful places, and the heart he so rightfully owned started beating the right rhythm again - you’ll find your way back to him.
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