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#everything still sucks for me right now
ganondoodle · 10 months
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as cool as their design is im really starting to dislike the sonau in general, aside from their stuff suddendly being everywhere and everything being about them and how cool(tm) they are now with the mystery stone turning people into dragons and the similarities between the sonau and the three dragons (naydra, eldra, farodra) its actually not an impossibility that they used to be sonaus as alot of people have been theorizing about ..but ...... idk that would very much ruin their otherwordly yet ethereal mystery to me
i probably sound like some hater whos trying to find something more to dislike about totk all the time but i promise im not!!
the three dragons being some unexplained mystery, beings that are there yet few can see them, timeless, nigh untouchable, they dont act on anything, they dont talk, something about them has always made me look at them in awe; if it turned out they were just yet another cool(tm) sonau guy that ate a stone ... :/
not a fan of that one lads, but dont worry, i will keep my thoughts to myself from now on, i dont want to ruin other peoples fun nor seem like i just hate everything ... the three dragons are just really important to me so i had to say something
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anaalnathrakhs · 9 months
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oh god ed reddit is having the “uwu anorexia isn’t rooted in fatphobia my mental illness is not abt you” talk again please god help me
fatphobia doesn’t mean “being a meanie to fat ppl” i’m begging you to use critical thinking skills for five seconds and apply what you know about literally any other form of oppression to this situation.
people’s point isn’t that you having anorexia makes them feel bad and therefore you’re a bad fatphobic person.
they’re pointing out how the deeply ingrained fatphobia our society upholds, from misconceptions about health to moralization of looks and weight, including yes being jerks to fat ppl’s faces bc they’re fat, is affecting what you think about your own looks, weight, health, body, clothes, eating habits, etc.
the logic isn’t “you became anorexic because you hate fat people so much you never wanted to be fat yourself (and that makes you a bad person)” it’s “fatphobia is a prism that transforms the root cause of your ed into disordered thoughts, behaviors, and patterns (and unlearning fatphobia will help you with recovery and harm-reduction)”
like. it’s not for no reason that anorexia is a disorder that disproportionatedly affects women. it’s not for no reason that there’s sky high comorbidity rates for eds and ocd. it’s not for no reason that people who need control in their lives so badly that they develop a mental disorder abt it get obssessed with being skinny and not with being a sumo. it’s not for no reason that ppl who feel the need to retract to childhood due to trauma envy things like being skinny light and frail, instead of being a tubby baby. it’s not for no reason that there is an incredibly common anorexic thought pattern (internal and self-directed, don’t make me say what i didn’t say) that associaties restriction and weight loss with moral goodness.
for each of these there IS a number of exceptions, but you can see case by case how the root cause (trauma, need for control, for self-destruction, growing up poor, whatever you think is “unrelated to fatphobia” basically) is processed through the prism of the fatphobic culture we’ve all been raised in. some people just, voluntarily or not, deal with those root causes in different way, which might or might not be healthy. but it’s a consequence of ambiant fatphobia that “i should starve and be skinny about it” is a statistically pretty common response to this distress.
the point isn’t “it’s fatphobic that you don’t deal with your neuroses in a body positive way uwu” the point is that no matter how cool you are with fat people on like, a personal level, you’ve been (like the rest of us) bombarded with fatphobic thought patterns your entire life basically, both directly fatphobic things and reactions to this fatphobia. maybe spoken to you directly, maybe not. maybe about you maybe about other people. you live in a society that places moral values into looks and health, and also pushes some deeply rooted falsehoods about how those things tie into each other. you have a disorder defined by obsessive behaviors. maybe, just maybe, deconstructing the logic that those obsessives behaviors are based upon will help you deal with this disorder. and recover or reduce harm.
basically, anorexia isn’t “getting skinny disorder” it’s “obsession disorder”, obsession with looking attractive, or pleasing your family, or going back to being a kid, or being healthy, or being fit, or being driven and capable, or being worth saving, or having your suffering known, or having control over something, or whatever. the fatphobia that is omnipresent (and i repeat, omnipresent, nobody is singling you out as a bad fatphobic meanie, or even talking about your behavior towards other people around you) in our society picks the direction in which many many people will express that disorder.
of course if you live in a society that tells you “being fat is morally bad” at every turn, when you start developping an obssessive pathological need to control things, without another factor weighting in, most people’s default reaction will be anorexia. food is a regular fixture of everybody’s life, everyone wants to be morally good, and even if we know/understand/believe to an extent the flaws of that “fat = bad” logic we know the world around us still believes it, and nobody wants to be treated like shit. we can think it’s stupid and fight against fatphobia and work to treat fat ppl better in our lives and support body positivity, but in any case, one always judges oneself on different metrics than they judge others, cuz we control our self-improvement. that’s natural. just it doesn’t mesh well with a pathologically obssessive need for control above self-preservation.
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todayisafridaynight · 6 months
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seeing info only about the kiryu and majima statuettes but absolute radio silence on the ichi one is utterly sending me. Theyre hiding the fact theyre gonna make ichi pale as a cracker again
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cubitozinc · 5 months
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(normal anon) like I feel like it's a curse. how did we end up here. where jaiden, who's been grieving Bobby and doing everything for Bobby, when she's finally healing and learning how to live for herself, now, can't see him. because of scheduling issues. and the event can't be reasonably postponed because there's huge events coming up. and so jaiden can't see him, but Roier will. which is awesome, I'm sososo excited for that but I'm not excited for how, if qcellbit is there, it'll be a spiderbit moment + Bobby. You know. Because I feel like the reason jaiden is mostly forgotten as Bobby's other parent is because people ignore/don't know she's Roier's other partner because it's platonic and not romantic + she wasnt as active as roier was during bobbys life. bobbys parents were jaiden + roier, and likely cellbit if he had lived longer, but he didn't live longer. and now jaiden just can't really be included because of scheduling issues out of everyone's control. I want to gnaw my own arm off. Jaiden (in her eyes) lost everything when she lost Bobby. And now she can't even see him when she's healing. can you imagine the devastation. and there won't be any canon quotes or anything. and then she's getting sent to hell. what did we do to deserve this,,, holding hands. crying. Wailing. Dreading. Etc. </3
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#Hi anon. Anon ............. Anon what if we started beating the shit out of each other and then jumped into a woodchipper together#IM DJDJSBAODHSODH😭 I hope you dont mind My Images but truly this was the only way I Had. to express my emotions towards this. Accurately.#ITS JUST. IDEK WHAT TO SAY.#LITERALLY. LITERALLY ALL THIS. YOURE SO RIGHT EVERY WHICH WAY I LIKE I LIKEEEE#HOW CAN OUR LUCK SERIOUSLY THIS BAD. AGAIN. HOW DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO JAIDEN FANS. HOW DO Q!JAIDEN FANS DO NOTHING BUT LOSE😭😭#I JUST IM SO FUCKING SAD DUDE. AND IT SUCKS CAUSE I REALLY IS NO ONES FAULT BUT STILL HOW. could this have been. The way things turned out#IT IS A FUCKING CURSE BROTHER. everything in qjaidens story has happened as a direct result of bobby. Everything.#SHE WAS BOBBYS FAVORITE PARENT. she was the ONLY PERSON. on the whole island. he never bullied. never hit.#never misbehaved towards. THE ONLY. ONE. ANd now just cause of bad circumstance she probably wont even see him.#We wont even get a familoier reunion.#THIS IS WHY IM SAYING SURELY THEYLL HAVE HIM SEE HER WHEN SHE IS AVAILABLE RIGHT. SHE CANT FULLY BE LEFT OUT OF SOMETHING THIS HUGE RIGHT#SURELY. SURELYYYYYYY. And also well I wasnt gonna say it anon. about spider//bit but well. Looks around#chuckles We're in danger if thats who ends up seeing bobby. and not. Jaiden. :|. Sighhh ...#...WELP. Imaginw we say all this and then bobby doesnt even show up today 😭😭😭😭#At this point ill take it because of how much the affirmative is going to do. to Me.#anyway Normal moment. most normal post ive ever made and im saying nothing but. Normal things#All normal behavior here.#Thank you so much for the ask anon. you fucking get me..YOU GET IT#askbox#anon#again. Maybe this wont even happen at all.. maybe no dead eggs will show up today. at all. Thatd be nice.#Maybe.. maybe..
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themyscirah · 3 days
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Suffering more than Jesus atm (being a fan of 80s/90s Suicide squad in 2024)
#god amanda waller what did they do to you....#i KNOW i never shut up about this but GUYS ITS SO BAD#fucking WHY would you take the interesting antihero protagonist and then strip her of any redeeming quality and use her as this horrific#unforgivable villain who is treated as a hated antagonist in her own comics#WHERE SHE ISNT EVEN THE MAIN CHARACTER MOST OF THE TIME#like why are you trying to make me sympathize with fucking harley quinn or smth when the actual main character is right there. why are we#turning her into this horrific villain w a million master plans making deals with the devil and shit.#we are supposed to like her. like maybe not all dc fans do because shes almost always an antagonist in other books but in her own shes the#main character!!! there should be some aspect of interest or sympathy for her. as opposed to just making her like badass or whatever#so sick of this#and its in freaking EVERYTHING right now on god i cant read other comics that are otherwise good (like ga) and enjoy them without the#obligatory intense demonification of one of my fave characters#like shes my no 6 in locg for a reason i genuinely love waller like yeah she sucks sometimes but shes INTERESTING.#this is not interesting or creative in any way what theyre doing with her#this genuinely could have been any government baddie like honestly#dont flatten 3 dimensional characters into 1 dimension (or at best like 1.5) to tell a story you tell the story around the 3d characters.#why do i need to say this. basic competent storytime#blah#amanda waller#istg i throw out another waller rant every freaking tuesday on here#suicide squad#you know what. at least we had the movie#you heard me. higher hopes for the new gunn dceu series than actual comics for the forseeable future#viola davis save me...#need to do a bit of 00s reading still to verify but on god watch this all come down to a fucking new 52 thing. like not to say that i think#thats where it all went wrong bc i need to read more to verify but i have an idea of what rlly did it and i think it was a nu52 decision#but then again maybe im stupid
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msviolacea · 5 months
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The biggest issue with leak culture is how much fun it takes out of speculating and theorizing. Like, the new Genshin trailer looks absolutely nuts and I want to be hyped about it, but I also know that the entire story has leaked now and it's only a matter of time before I get spoiled, and/or that half of the people who give a shit will already know what happens so speculation is pretty much pointless. I hate this feeling of starting to get excited for the feeling of "oooh, who is that? what just happened? I wonder if ..." only to remember "nope, lots of people already know the real answer, why bother?"
I'm old and cranky, I know. But I did just have a thought that maybe this is one of the many reasons TTRPGs have become so popular - it's a form of storytelling that literally cannot be spoiled, that can't be leaked for social media clout or experienced out of order in context-free details that let people form wild and incorrect assumptions, that actually requires you to experience the story as it unfolds.
Don't mind me, it's been A Week and my hormones are screaming their last gasp of youthful relevancy, I'm fighting the urge to disappoint my D&D group and hide in a blanket alone all weekend, and I just want something to make it all feel better. But instead I have to corral my hormones and depression long enough to be a vaguely professional human being for 8-ish hours. So I'm being pissy on Tumblr to cope. Apologies.
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bittersweetresilience · 2 months
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i'm not really one to post snippets but... you know, since i'm unlikely to publish any of this anyway... i was going back through my fics and i am thoroughly charmed by how much i forgot i wrote. in about two minutes i'm going to forget i'm a fine writer and i enjoy my work again but for now i'm riding the high... such is life
#i'm particularly pleased with the second one because i remember writing the entire fic in a twenty minute sprint and assuming it sucked and#never looking at it again. but it's fine surprisingly. third one is the same i got a lot done that day#having a lot of writing experience is really just accumulating a bunch of similes and metaphors you can whip out easily and knowing how to#balance action narration internal external observation feeling without thinking. maybe writing poetry helps. i really like rhythm and flow#and making sentences end in a way where if you read them aloud it's almost like they're rhyming#i'm not trying to praise myself i'm just thinking#but you know what? i should praise myself. good job sunny#you did it. you're happy with your work again. you stopped having the crazy unhealthy social media feelings#you are comfortable with yourself even with everything that's happened and everything you're still afraid of a little bit#and you never stopped writing about murder and insane unshowable things 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏#everything is going to be okay i love ME and AUTUMN and MOONIE#wow i'm really just rambling to myself in the tags of a post where i feel good about myself 🤣 how cringe. how silly#but i will be cringe forever and weird and shedding the skin of my shame 😌#i'm also listening to kurzgesagt soundtracks right now and thinking about the vastness of the universe#and how small i am and how none of this really matters and yet it's so beautiful and that just has me feeling some kind of way#🌃#miraculous ladybug#ml fanfic
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n0heart · 5 months
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bookdragon1811 · 6 months
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went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠
#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years#not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion#so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all#but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all.#it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid)#and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable.#but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him#i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted#and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried.........#the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms#i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still#and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :)))))#insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case#i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!)#but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man.#it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/#why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly???#while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING???#if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now#but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃#shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience#and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over#he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday#and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now.#i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again..#i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh#(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh)#at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*
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running-in-the-dark · 9 months
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had a conversation about gym class with my friend who I went to school with today - it was depressing but also nice to hear that her experience with it (at that particular school) was just as bad as mine.
I don't think the way my school treated gym class was entirely normal tbh. it was completely different to the school I went to after, anyway. and everyone I talked to there only knew gym class to be a pretty fun, lighthearted thing. at my old school it was only about achievement, you had to be perfect, if not you were usually yelled at. and if you couldn't participate because you were feeling a bit ill (but not enough to stay home from school) you were ridiculed and/or insulted in front of the whole class. this happened with every gym teacher we had over the whole 9 years there.
it felt like two hours of punishment, there was nothing good about it. and it made at least the both of us feel like any kind of exercise/sport, especially in a group setting, was terrifying - for years after. even my much more positive experience at the other school I went to didn't make that go away.
#maybe my school really just sucked#I mean I already know it did. but maybe it did in even more ways than I thought#maybe it's a Gymnasium thing. idk. any Germans please feel free to comment if gym class at your school was like this#and it wasn't just because we were bad at sports or anything. I got very good grades in gym class at the other school. and my friend does a#ton of different sports now and everything#I remember there was a girl in my class who got a 1 (the best grade) in every other class and a 4 (out of 6) in gym class. and the teacher#was so fucking awful and gleeful about it. he made fun of her so much.#I'm pretty sure I was about to get a 6 in gym class right before I dropped out - and that definitely played a part tbh. I just couldn't#spend one more second with that gym teacher. he was horrible and gross and mean (and sexually harassed girls at another school! but of#course he was still allowed to teach at our school!! ľ#anyway. gym class was the worst part of my (already not great) life from 11 to 19 so I hope all my old gym teachers break both their legs :)#except one. he was really nice to us and didn't do any of the stuff the others did. but we only had him for a year in between all the other#ones so it wasn't enough :(#like one of our (female!!) teachers would loudly make fun of girls who said they couldn't participate because they were on their period and#in too much pain.#in front of everyone. when we were like 13.#I hate that woman more than any of the others.#lol it's funny how like half of my issues are because of my parents and the other half is because of that fucking school#I will never forgive my mother for forcing me to go there and never letting me change schools even though I asked to for 8 fucking years#personal
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undermostcorgi · 20 days
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the media which consumes your entire soul at age 12 will forever be a part of you. this is an unavoidable consequence of living and you have to accept this fact. no matter how old you get, no matter how long it has been since you last saw its smug face peeking out from the bushes as it follows you, no matter if you think you have outrun it for good and that you're finally finally safe and you hardly even remember it exists anymore and your brain knows a few brief moments of true peace, it WILL catch up to you in your moment of weakness. and listen you don't want to hear this but sometimes this is necessary for your mental health. you will on instinct want to reject it and run away again but sometimes. sometimes you just need to watch that old show or listen to that silly song or read that weird book again as an adult and it will hurt you a little bit in various little ways but it will also heal you a little bit. you can call it nostalgia you can call it connecting with your inner child or whatever you want but just listen to me it WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TOO AT SOME POINT AND YOU HAVE TO BE PREPARED FOR THIS (i am forcibly dragged off the stage by security)
#heed my warning boy#it seems i am not well today#recently made the reluctant decision to revisit what was probably my VERY FIRST real hyperfixation#something that i don't necessarily want to mention by name right now because. well#its pretty objectively bad LOL like i dont think i know of ANYONE still posting about it or really proud of having liked it back in the day#i dont think it is as well known to the general public so it wont get me hunted down for sport even if i did name it probably hopefully#but for those who know its. probably not the best thing to be revisiting lmao (even though i think it might still be being made?? wtf)#but i felt i had to because i was about to start my period and was going crazy insane like you do you know how it is#and i randomly remembered a fanfic i loved and then remembered my fav character and how much i loved him#my actual first ever blorbo oh my GOD he was everything to me#so i reluctantly decided to rewatch “just the first few episodes” just to see how much i remembered and also to prove to myself it sucks#but surprise surprise: nostalgia and hormones are making me actually kind of enjoy it#and now i am suffering from fucking Catholic-like Guilt for not hating it which i think is pretty silly lmao#so im kind of posting this in an attempt to convince myself that its like. FINE and cringe is dead and all that#and that sometimes i gotta be nice to my little mentally ill brain and give it the junk food (bad media) it craves#ESPECIALLY when im on my period LMAO#anyway completely unrelated: why the FUCK do i still remember almost every single fucking word to the delicious tomato song SDHJFKSAJF#i hope no one actually reads this far in the tags bc i know that reveal will probably deal psychological damage to some of you LMAO SORRYYY#ok yeah posting this and then immediately going to bed so that the Haters cant reach me LOL SEE YA
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caorl · 2 months
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posting in ehre bc my friends are prob tired of me yapping about this on tt but i cant wait to get a neurologist appointment and got exams done bc im sure i have narcolepsy and have been for a couple years now yet im so so afraid of going bc what if i do have it. and worse. what if i dont have it and all my struggles actually have no explanation other than me being lazy and weak lmao i cant stop thinking about it im so anxious over this
#this is the year we get diagnosis DONE#but fr im so much more interedted in getting this sleep shit checked out#than i am on confirmingg my autism#bc at this point like. theres no way im not on thr spectrum lmao#like if my autism avaliation comes out negative it will be shocking to me#but i'll live ive spent 20 years thinking im just a freaky creature before i found out it could be autism so it eont weight as much ig#but the narcolepsy slash hypersomnia shit..that fucking bothers me.sm#it explains everything ive been having since i was about 13 lmao the peak was the last years of high school#and then living alone in college and getting sleep apralysis every day i got to the point i wouldnt even br frightned anymore#i still have it about like ojce every two weeks now but nowadays what bothers me most#is feeling my muscles go numb when im walking home from college bc i want to sleep#and having hallucinations when im waking up or falling asleep although im also used to these so they dont scare me bc i know im hallucinatin#yk..#but yea the sleeping all day everyday fucking sucks#even when im having fun lol there are couple of videos of me playing the guitar for fun and just sleeping in the kiddle of it#also . when i got put on wellbutrin i had multippe convulsions#that tookme to the er and i dont remember a thing from that week so idk if it made some damage#bc they didnt make any exams at the hospital#they literally said i had overdose although i took the right dose#then injected some muscle relaxant w me#that made me convulse and go unconscious again#and then got me stable and sent me home like Yeah that happened idk just sleep it off#and i have migraines since i was 12 so liek#i hope the neurologist i get sent to takes me.serious#i feel like there is something going on yk#anywayssss#personal#narcolepsy#idk if theres a commujity here on the tags but lmk i feel all alone on this
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mooodyblue · 10 months
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tags again. ignore me 🥸
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opens-up-4-nobody · 10 months
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...
#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage#everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me#bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check#and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info#and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less#expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school#which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there#like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away#or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town#and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown#but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets#its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn#or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep#i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time#so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b#agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling#like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult#cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive#allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity#unrelated
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katierosefun · 11 months
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i am definitely procrastinating on my studies right now (hello, finals) and no one asked for this, but. okay, as someone who’s now just a gasp away from finishing her first year of law school, the way i can confidently say that yes, make friends at law school/professional school in general. but also the way i want to slam over everyone’s heads that like. also. it is quite literally necessary to stay in touch with and invest even more deeply in your friendships outside of professional school because hello did you know that those people are going to be the ones that remind you that you have an actual personality
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