You think I've done awful things, and I have. But I'm not evil. It's me. You know me. I'm still the same person.
I actually think these lines / scene from Claudia is one of her most interesting in the entire show, so let's talk about it, beat by beat.
You think I've done some awful things, and I have.
This line, along with others from Viren (his "I had to" is another form of justification, and what's to justify if you done nothing 'wrong' or nothing to be blamed for?), i.e. "In the name of love, you will perform acts so unforgivable, you will never forgive yourself" as well as Claudia's explanation in 4x01 ("I had to do things... I never imagined I would be able to do" with tears in her eyes) and Terry's assertion ("I've seen you do a lot of awful things, dark magic things") is like... while Claudia still doesn't see the error, I'm willing to bet, with the bulk of her actions (elves and dragons are still clearly not wholly people to her), she's still done things that she considers awful. Things that crossed her previous moral lines, beginning, I'd bet, with the deer in 2x09, and that which only escalated from there.
Claudia still thinks she's a good person (which we will get to in a second, believe me) but she doesn't think she's squeaky clean. She knows, just as Viren knows (and just as Callum knows/believes) that she's done genuinely awful, terrible things.
A character feeling bad about doing something, or a character recognizing that something they've done is terrible ("It's horrific, Viren" "We have no other choice"), is not a get off scot free card in this show, and it never has been. Not for Claudia, and not for anyone else.
While Claudia has been manipulated by Aaravos, everything she's done is of her free will, and without lying to herself about the exact nature of them (even if there's still plenty she's in denial of like the plague, but I digress).
Claudia is like 5 different cognitive dissonances in a trenchcoat, but she's not stupid, either.
But I'm not evil. It's me.
This to me shows the mask slipping the post, because if there wasn't even a hint of possibility at being evil, you would feel no need to declare otherwise. I forget where I've said this before but Claudia cares (esp in arc 1, less so in arc 2 but it's not nonexistent) about being a good person. It's kinda like how Viren doesn't really care if he's good or not, but he wants to be important (matter). Bonus points for Claudia's hypocrisy/shields being worn down over time ("She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be good?" -> attempting to do the exact same thing an episode later). She's cracking, but desperately trying to convince them (for mostly manipulation reasons) and herself (genuinely) that she's not, that instead...
You know me. I'm still the same person. I am.
TDP has always been very interested in identity, most notably for characters like Callum, Rayla, and Soren in arc 1, but it's fun to see it be expanded and interrogated further by looping Claudia in during arc 2. S5 and arc 2 places a lot of emphasis in particular on the idea of knowing yourself ("That's not my name. I am Elmer") or knowing others ("She's not the elf, she's Rayla") / preserving your sense of self in the face of change or hard circumstances ("But violence tests us" "Callum, you're the 'destiny is a book you write yourself' guy").
Claudia highlights this twofold. She asks the boys to know her, despite how much time and bad blood has gone by. She appeals to the many years of friendship they had in contrast to their few months turned years of being foes. It's barking up the wrong tree (Callum's Spellbook asserts that even as of s2/s3, "I feel like I don't know who she is anymore" on his end) but I am actually inclined to believe her.
This may be a misread, simply because from S1 but especially S2 onwards I always figured Claudia would end up precisely where she is now, so I don't know if it's the consistency influencing my judgement call possibly clouding more intense changes (she refused to use Harrow against the boys in 2x02, to a degree) but... I don't think almost anything Claudia does in S5 is something she wouldn't have done the bulk of in S1, other than threatening the boys, and she's done that multiple times by the time the end of S2 and S3 rolls around, most notably towards Ezran.
She's still the same person, but her circumstances and therefore her responses have gotten steadily, consistently worse. But this has always lived inside her. She's the same person (but worse), they know her and see her more clearly than they ever did before, and both of those things are precisely the problem.
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Dazai truly has become Oda in every way imaginable now. :’ ) the final words he gives to Sigma are the exact same words Oda gives to Dazai in the original scene Asagiri wrote for the end of the Dark Era stage play, 後は頼んだよ, “I will leave the rest to you.”
And I really love the progression of the way his eyes look in this chapter, and how Sigma is allowed to have this moment of questioning and rebelling against all the faith Dazai had naturally been leading him to place in him up to this point, which is what I hoped would happen. He’s been confused ever since Dazai first chose him, and everything he’s ever known about how everyone sees/treats him turned upside down by Dazai’s words and actions, and just when he’s finally started to feel like he’s found some hope and lowered his guard, Dazai pulls him back underwater, instantly reinforcing all of Sigma’s trust issues and reinforcing that he should never believe in anyone, because (he thinks) everyone lives to manipulate other people. Dazai’s dark eyes here reinforce that, too, and the other panels around this point where they look white and hollow and demonic, all like Fyodor’s. He appears like an evil, looming force pulling him back under, trying to kill him, when Sigma is so close to the freedom of the air he desperately wants (aka free from pain, which is what he’s been seeking his whole life).
But then Dazai makes this face, and the first one I posted above, and Sigma understands, even without words, that Dazai doesn’t have evil intent: on the contrary, he actually is bound and determined to save his life -- and the light in his eyes comes out through this determination and kindness, arguably the most light we’ve ever seen his eyes have in the entire manga (in the “I leave the rest to you” panel too). The “No” could be Dazai wordlessly telling him to not leave the water, but my first assumption was that it was Sigma telling himself no, stopping his own train of thought about Dazai being the same as Fyodor and someone he shouldn’t have trusted -- he soon realizes why Dazai stopped him, and that he’s still going to try to save him, that he wasn’t wrong about him, and it’s all because Dazai’s earnest expressions get through to him.
And it’s just so heartwarming to see how far Dazai has come. :’ ) He tried so hard to save Sigma (doing the most physical action we’ve ever seen him do, really), did his best to be reassuring and comforting to him afterwards, and then reaffirmed his promise to ensure he escaped Meursault alive, his final words to Sigma echoing Oda’s and his last action being to save an orphan, just like Oda did in his last moments. Obviously Dazai isn’t actually going to die, he’ll be saved somehow, but I do think as of right now he really does think this is the end for him, and that he didn’t foresee the elevator dropping -- he was examining the wires a few chapters ago because he thought he might need to know how to open the doors in case Fyodor pulled an uno reverse, hence why he looks more annoyed than shocked when the water starts, but here, when the drop collision sequence is initiated, he looks genuinely shook in comparison. There’d be no reason for him to give the thumbs up if he knew more danger was on the way, either; that’d just be cruel. No, I don’t think he saw this coming, and it’s important that that turns out to be the case: it’s important that he spent what he believes to have been his last moments saving someone like Oda wanted for him, and doing what Oda would have done in the same situation. That doesn’t mean that it’s okay that Dazai throws his life away so easily, and cares so little for his own safety; he still has a long way to go in that regard. But it’s still so beautiful to see how much he’s changed, and how much he’s truly begun to embody Oda and his legacy; the fact that he messed up and miscalculated, because Dazai isn’t infallible, but in turn didn’t hesitate to use his last moments to save Sigma. Oda would be so proud for everything he did here. :’ ) 💖
There are a lot of options for how Dazai will be saved, and by who, but personally I hope (and I kind of expect) that Sigma chooses to not give up on him and ultimately plays a role in saving his life, to return the favor and repay him for his kindness. Not only would it be a beautiful way to initiate Sigma’s ADA entrance exam as people have said, but it would bring the Dazai > Atsushi > Sigma chain full circle: Dazai saved Atsushi at the start of the series, allowing him to (spiritually) save Sigma at sky casino thanks to the growth fostered in him by Dazai, and now finally, Sigma could potentially save Dazai thanks to Atsushi kickstarting his own growth (and Dazai continuing it). Fyodor is overly cocky right now and so tunnel-visioned on killing Dazai, it’s possible that he has no idea that Sigma managed to escape the elevator and is now a wild card; even if Sigma doesn’t go as far as killing Fyodor himself (which I don’t want, tbh; that’s endgame stuff arcs down the line and imo Nikolai and Dazai should be the ones involved with that), he could throw a wrench in the jailbreak duel, and help Dazai and Chuuya get out alive. It would be poetic, and only fitting, for Fyodor to underestimate and be outdone by the kind of person Dazai told him is the strongest in chapter 77 -- a self-proclaimed “ordinary man” -- who could only have the strength to take such action thanks to the chain of kindness that Oda originally started. 💖
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i support people's right to have fun with aus that don't completely line up with canon characterizations, but i personally have trouble getting into fics where armand chooses to let daniel die, because to me armand turning daniel is so inevitable.
in their early years of the cat and mouse chase, armand and daniel talk quite a bit about death (as well as every other topic under the sun), and it's clear that as much as armand thinks being a vampire is curse, he's terrified not only of dying, but of what comes after death.
much later on, during another one of their arguments where armand is attempting to convince daniel being a vampire is a terrible fate, he says he'd have killed himself by now if he weren't afraid of death.
while it communicates armand's unhappiness with immortality, it's also not a great argument to make if he's trying to dissuade daniel from wanting to be a vampire? he's saying 'i deeply hate this, but i still can't give it up, because the thought of what comes next is too terrifying'. he's actually validating daniel's belief that death is the worst fate possible even as he's trying to talk him into staying a mortal. if he can't fully convince himself to accept death, how can he convince daniel?
moreover, armand connects his relationship with daniel to the fact that he finally wants to live again - that he actually doesn't want the world to end, when before it wouldn't have mattered to him.
armand has at long last begun to enjoy living again after their time together, but without daniel? he wouldn't be able to go on. armand is not someone who can easily let things go, it's one of the reasons why he's responsible for a lot of his own misery. so no, he can't let daniel go - it's possibly the defining element of their relationship. he wouldn't let daniel go after they first met, he chased him across the globe. and he couldn't let daniel go when they were stuck in an on again/off again cycle. sure, he gave daniel the illusion of choice during their years on night island, letting him leave many times - but he kept track of him, ready to swoop in the moment daniel became desperate or incapacitated (as armand knew he would, because he'd systematically taken away daniel's independence and ability to care of himself while smothering him with affection, not to mention his awareness of daniel's addictions). his fear of someone else taking daniel away from him is why he gave him the amulet, why he attempted to give him the cushiest cage possible so he never ventured to the outside. all the while, armand and daniel have both convinced themselves that when push comes to shove, the historically selfish and impatient armand will keep to his sacred vow of not turning anyone, because he believes it's always a mistake. keep in mind, armand has already worked around this some in the past by compelling louis to turn madeline as part of his scheme to have them free to run off together. armand is keeping the letter of the vow, but we already know he can talk himself into workarounds if he thinks it's necessary to keep someone he loves.
the inherent contradiction of armand saying he values daniel's life more than his own, more than anything, but also resigning him to a fate he's terrified of is always present in the devil's minion. it sets a ticking clock in the relationship to see which part he means more, but to me there could really only be one answer with the levels of devotion, anxiety, and possessiveness daniel brings out in armand.
even when armand does let daniel go in a relational sense during their tva era break-up, armand specifically says that at that time daniel is alive and well, but has become disillusioned with armand. and that clearly hurts armand - he is obviously not well for a variety of reasons at the time he's dictating this - but he will cope with losing daniel's love if daniel is alive to resent him, healthy, traveling again (notice how like all of these are not really true for long, if they ever were at all, but they're one of the many lies armand is forcing himself to believe he can attempt to build a new life). that's why i think even if daniel did somehow have a change of heart and say he accepted his death, what would actually follow is armand would eventually realize just how much of a hypocrite he is - that no matter how important he said this vow was to him, no matter how much he'd been trying to convince daniel to accept mortality, when push came to shove armand would not be able to go through with it. even if daniel no longer wanted it, he would choose to blow up their relationship and turn him (which really is basically what he already views himself as doing in canon). he would keep daniel, in whatever way he could, even if it destroyed them, and obliterated armand's fragile sense individuality and one moral rule. he couldn't do anything else.
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