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#everything has changed part 6
imaginedreamwrite · 2 months ago
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Everything Has Changed: Part 6
When Steve had returned to their suite, you were gone. By the time he had entered the front door, your scent had still hung heavily in the air, yet you weren’t physically in the suite.
Bucky was alone, sitting on the couch reading a book with a plain black cover, the only colour was lettering in luminescent gold. His right leg was crossed over his left, his vibranium hand holding the book while his right hand was busy fishing through a bowl of mixed snacks for the pretzels while ignoring the rest.
“When did she leave?” Steve sighed, coming toward the living room dragging his feet.
“She was going to leave this morning,” Bucky lowered the book and grinned wide, “then we ended up sleeping together twice more before she left.”
It wasn’t a brag that he slept with you twice, for the sake of sleeping with you. Rather, it was a declaration and proclamation, spoken relief and pride at being able to connect physically and emotionally with their omega. It was the connection, it was the mating that solidified and strengthened their relationship that was still budding, yet had proven to be just what they needed.
“I’m glad.” Steve came to sit on Bucky’s other side, grabbing a handful of the mixed snacks in the plastic bowl, though he didn’t pick out any one part.
“How’d it go with Tony?” Bucky asked, raising an eyebrow.
“We have to talk to the kid.” Steve explained with a sigh. “We have to be the one to break the news to the kid.”
“If Y/N doesn’t do it first.” Bucky countered, digging out more of the pretzels.
“How was this morning?” Steve posed another question, this one about the morning itself and not the sex, or rather the multiple times you had sex.
“We have a lot in common.” Bucky smiled to himself, his gaze unfocused. “Y/N likes the same kind of books, we have the same base humour.”
There was silence that broke between them as Bucky reminisced on the morning, and Steve felt a breath of relief. They had, for so long, been separated by war and ice, Hydra and SHIELD, Wakanda and the Snap, and now things were starting to come back together. They had fought for so long and so hard to have what they had now, and finding their omega who completed them, who seemed to fit so seamlessly into their lives, it was relieving.
And Steve couldn’t be happier knowing that Bucky got the first, real connection. Steve was elated that Bucky was the one to have those first moments because after everything that had happened, after everything they’d been through, it was what was owed to Bucky.
He was owed a happy life.
“I’m happy for you, Bucky.” Steve stretched his arm across the back of the couch, his fingers playing with the hairs at the back of his neck, stroking the hair line softly.
“I’m happy for us.” Bucky corrected, glancing to his right, his blue eyes meeting Steve’s blue-green’s. He enjoyed the sliver of silence before he spoke again, a playful smirk on his face. “So we have to talk to the kid?”
“I think it’d be better coming from us than Tony.” Steve admitted, though his gut told him that the kid wouldn’t have a very good reaction at all.
** **
You did your best to hide the mark on your neck, and while it worked to disguise the bite that labeled you as taken, it did nothing to suppress and hide the smell of Bucky, and traces of Steve, that clung to your skin. It did nothing to minimize the change in your scent that occurred when an omega had found their alpha.
Or in this case, alpha’s. And while you hadn’t directly been bitten or mated with Steve, there was enough of him in the suite, enough of him in Bucky, to adhere to you.
Which was only a problem now that you were supposed to attend a weekly dinner with Peter and May in their new apartment. Peter had specifically given you the supressant’s, that clearly didn’t work, to prevent you from being marked and mated by Steve and Bucky. You were left to break the news to Peter and May, that they had not only been horrible to suppress your heat but that by using them, you’d been marked and mated.
Your total tally of times you’d mated with Bucky by the end of the night, and the morning, was at a whopping 4 times throughout the night and 2 times before you’d managed to leave.
There wouldn’t be an alpha within 100 miles who wouldn’t smell Bucky on you, wouldn’t smell his claim.
“Aunt May,” you’d smiled tight as you greet her when her front door opened, “I brought you a house warming gift.”
Your aunt stood beyond the threshold, her long brown hair straightened as usual, her glasses perched high on her nose, though they were only used for reading.
“Thank you sweetheart.” If she noticed your mark of change in scent, she hadn’t commented on it right away. “Come in.”
However when you stepped inside, she pulled you in for a hug and then stiffened. She took a rather sharp inhale, her arms squeezing you tighter as a high pitched noise escaped from her mouth. When she pulled away, she moved your hair off of your shoulder, gaping with wide eyes at the healed mark proudly sitting where Bucky placed it.
“When did this happen?” She wasn’t angry, she was surprised.
“The day before yesterday.” You smiled sheepishly, shifting your weight from your right leg to your left. “On the first day of my internship…”
She gasped, and then her eyes lit up. She pulled you further into the apartment, right into the kitchen. She placed you were she wanted you, not far from the stove, while she dug in the fridge for a bottle of wine.
It was a sweet red, typical of May’s tastes and your own. You preferred sweeter wine opposed to bitter, though if you had to have a wine that was less sweet, it would have to be white wine.
May had next grabbed a wine glass, handing it to you to hold while she opened the bottle of wine. Once it was opened, she poured you a glass and then herself some, before she finally rest against the cupboards not too far from where you were.
“I want to know everything.” May smiled, lifting the glass to her lips to sip on the sweet, red wine.
“I haven’t told anyone, I haven’t told Peter. Is he here?” You guess he wasn’t, judging by the lack of screaming and disapproval radiating through the apartment.
“He headed to the store to get a few things for me.” May took another sip of her wine, setting it down to her left. “Do you think he wouldn’t approve?”
You crossed one arm over your waist, resting your hand on the inside of your elbow. Your other hand was holding the wide curve of your glass where the stem met, your finger tapping the side.
“No,” you paused to take a rather large gulp, “well maybe. Its complicated.”
“Who is it?” May asked, her hands reaching for her glass despite just putting it down again.
“Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers.” You spoke without shame or hesitation, just caution.
“Really?” Aunt May smiled to herself, a cheeky little grin that made her look even younger than she already did. “They’re handsome.”
You couldn’t deny that. You couldn’t deny how beautiful Steve and Bucky were, how ideal it was to have such powerful and strong alpha’s who would take better care of you than anyone else in your life. The relationship you’d eventually have with Steve and Bucky would last until your dying breath, and while there was no guarantee that it would all be sunshine and rainbows, at least it would be true.
And wonderful despite the times that may not be pleasant.
“They’re beautiful.” You sighed dreamily. “Both of them. And Bucky is just…” butterflies fluttered in your stomach at the thought of him, at the thought of his hands and his eyes and his mouth.
“You don’t need to explain it to me, Y/N. I felt the same way about your uncle Ben.” She sighed wistfully. “I used to be as blissfully taken by the prospect of alpha’s and omega’s, beta’s and whoever.”
That magic, the hopefulness, you figured, probably died down a large amount when your uncle Ben died. That was probably the start of your aunt’s wonderment with other couples and other couples happiness, because she didn’t think she could find hers anymore.
“They’re good people, May.” You set your glass down, your smile faltering to be replaced by a frown. “They’re good men. I think my parents would’ve liked them. My mom especially.”
Your aunt May wasn’t far behind you, in the way of setting her glass down. When it was secure on the counter, she came to hug you, squeezing you tightly. She would’ve held you for as long as you needed, as long as you wanted.
“I’m happy for you. Maybe sometime-“ she had pulled away, her voice falling way to the sound of the front door opening and closing, your brother coming in with a few bags in his hands.
“I got everything you needed, May.” He hadn’t suspected anything at all until he raised his head and caught sight of the mark on your neck, the healed and fully permanent marked that made you Steve and Bucky’s.
“Peter-“ you start, stopping yourself when the bags fell from his hands, and his normally warm brown eyes, grew cold.
“Peter just listen-“ May had even started to try and calm him.
He was stoic, and he hadn’t said a word, which was even worse than him screaming and swearing, taking all his verbal anger out on you. It would’ve been the preferred method rather than stoic anger, that was absolutely deadly.
“Peter can you please listen to me?” You moved toward him, reaching out your hand to touch his. “Please, Petey…” he smacked your hand away and stepped back, his whole body looking as if it were vibrating from the surging anger, the rage at what had been done, at what he couldn’t prevent.
“I’m going to kill them.” Those four words were all Peter had said before he disappeared from the apartment. The door was wide open and door handle ripped from the wood, tossed in the middle of the hall.
“I have to go.” You bolted toward the door, swiping your purse from inside the closet. “I have to go before he does something he’ll regret.”
You apologized to May as quickly as you could, and then you too were gone.
** **
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inspirited-goddess · 10 months ago
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Today I stepped back from outlining my WIP to outline the main ideas and key concepts of books of my series as a whole. And it’s a good thing I did because there’s a lot of timelines and dates I need to figure out, and then there’s the matter of deciding how many books are gonna be in this series and some of the books have tentative titles because I just don’t *know* what to name them right now... But it’s fine and pretty fun!! It’s nice to step outside of my WIP for the moment and focus on something else. Definitely gotta fill up these plot holes tho lol
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noize-machine · a year ago
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Cons of all the dogs you like not being snuggly: no fuzzy weighted blanket
#the cats just arent heavy enough! the wind could blow toffle away and esper isnt much bigger. just a little more dense#bucket is better at 11 lbs but he only wants to lay on my chest and face which i HATE#i just want my legs gently crushed is that too much to ask#but also i think a snuggly dog would kill me. chiron went through a sticky phase and it was awful im glad he stopped on his own#holding on to hope that way in the future maine coon hits 20lbs and LOVES to sit on thighs#also a bit of a tangent but its my post so its ok#im so excited for a well bred cat. we arent getting one until we have one less cat (so awhile since the oldest is 6/7)#but like...all my shelter cats are disasters. destructive neurotic anxious disasters. all pretty high energy too.#i spend a lot of time and energy on keeping them happy and managing their problems. and i love them. but im excited for a healthy stable cat#toffle is destructive and bounces off the walls even after a play session that leaves her panting. shes also a bit neurotic and has SO MANY#health problems. her skeleton IS PUT TOGETHER WRONG HOW DOES THAT EVEN HAPPEN#esper is ANXIETY SUPREME but more manageable on the energy front. i just have to be very careful about changes that will affect her day#like changes in schedule or moving furniture#bucket is just a normal dude for the most part but hes so naughty and i personally think hes the worst cat in the house#esper can open cabinets but bucket gets into EVERYTHING. he will do what he wants and i havent been able to stop him#bc unlike the other two who try the same tactic bucket learns and adapts and its awful.#and the problem is you cant really know any of this going in bc cats act so different at shelters!!#everything we saw of bucket at the shelter pointed to him being a lazy mellow boy! i sat with him in the cat rooms for several hours over a#few days and he wasnt anything like how he is here. bc hes settled in and is actually himself!#animals are just so supressed in a shelter environment its hard to say what youre going to get#not to sound harsh but i would not have taken bucket home if i knew what he was actually like.#bucket has the least amount of problems but i find him the hardest to manage just bc the way he is#and of course im not against adopting!!! i just. I was ONE mentally and physically sound cat with predictable traits assigned to me by#a breeder that knows what to look for to predict which cat will be the best match for me.#and as a side note i know dogs arent themselves at shelters either. i just think its a bit easier to see what youre getting with a dog?#plus theres more resources to help you pick the perfect shelter dog.
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metinengland · 3 hours ago
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One summer (‘19), I was volunteering as an Orientation leader.
We were playing a bonding exercise where you pop balloons and answer a question. Of course my philosophical ass got a really deep question. I was asked, by a random balloon, something along the lines of:
“In one sentence. Explain the key to being happy.”
I responded vaguely, entirely unprepared to answer such a colossal question...in just one sentence... how can I put it into one sentence?
Happiness, for me, is more of a set of rules. Am entire watching of life than simply a stare of being. It’s mental/emotional/spiritual structures I’ve created — and been taught — developed and sustained over the last couple decades of my life.
Here Are Some Rules I Follow For Happiness:
*please, feel free to add to this if you have anything*
1) treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
2) if you don’t have anything constructive to say don’t say it.
3) be curious, but don’t ever do something just to say you did it. There’s honor in curiosity — and curiosity has brought great things — but to something “just because” lacks guidance and true fulfillment.
4) learn how to learn. Whether in school or in life to learn and develop your mind in a variety of topics through T.V., (social) media, the news, books, search engines & people. Everything & everywhere there’s something to learn whether it’s language, culture, stereotypes, ask questions and explore what truth can be found.
4a.) learn practice & consistency. The two most important things in life. These habits and rituals enforce more stable structures to move the mind forward. Initiating and facilitating growth. b.) Also, observe these things in other parts of life: partners, family, societies, media, and advertising. Everything has an agenda, revealed by their habits.
5) Accept change and asses your emotions to overcome hardship. It’s okay to feel, but you’ll learn, with practice and patience that change is an inevitable part of life, sometimes that involves losing things, people or deep attachments to old beliefs.
5a.) some questions you can ask yourself to overcome change:
how can I practice?, how am I practicing?, how am I willing to begin making change to enforce this practice?
6) know and accept your own truth to express your personality. In life you’ll hear a lot of shit talked about you. Not everyone needs to know your business, because you know what’s true, there’s no need in defending yourself against lies. Those who matter will see past lies anyone who believes is gullible and likely guided by ignorance. In that you may find some great friends.
6a.) this is inflected as well. I will not judge based off of other people’s opinion alone (unless there is surmounting evidence, like: if there’s a River (years) of bad reviews you probably shouldn’t invest).
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enmenmeo · 6 hours ago
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i literally could not possibly be more upset and more sorry than i am now
i work days and nights on this video and this is the thanks i get. god. okay. update on the stanley parable iceberg. it’ll be a long post.
alright. first off i’d like to apologize. you cannot IMAGINE how sorry i am about this. this is entirely my fault and i have no excuse for my negligence and dumbassery. i’m on the verge of tears because i feel like shit about this, i am sincerely so so sorry. i was so close and i messed it up.
i have, somehow, managed to fuck up on editing the iceberg video, and i didn’t notice until just now. i have saved the project file already. i don’t have any backups because i’m an idiot. on several occasions throughout the video i have accidentally caused the video and audio tracks to shift away from eachother, causing the wrong images to show up in the wrong place. i have accidentally deleted large portions of audio. i have deleted important sections of footage and deleted the gaps in between. minutes of complete silence, video and audio files skipping and jumping, hell incarnate in this project file. because of how incredibly messed up this video is, and how early into the video it starts, there is no way i’m fixing this without entirely deleting huge parts of the video, to the point that i literally may as well just start over. i’ve done this to videos before, but never on this scale. i have no fucking clue how i let this slip by me for as long as it did0, if i had to guess, it’s because i’ve been rushing. it has taken way too long for me to finish this 30 minute or so video. my tardiness is no longer, in my own opinion of myself, acceptable or forgivable or even understandable.
i do not want your sympathy for this. this is my fault. i need to learn to take better care of my work. this is a direct consequence of my bullshit.
my plan right now is to just. idk. just start over. again.
i don’t want to, at ALL, but i also really can’t stand the idea of giving up. i wanted to be the one to do this so badly. i wanted to share as much of my knowledge on the game as i could. i really, really don’t want to give up.
and it isn’t just me, i wasn’t the only person who wanted this. this time, other people were looking forward to it. other people wanted to see this. i don’t want to give up because of them.
i am, again, so sorry about everything that has happened up to this point. i’m sorry it’s taken so long. i’m sorry it hasn’t been good enough to release the past few times. i’m sorry i haven’t worked as hard as i could’ve. i’m sorry i rushed so heavily to get things done and messed up right at the very end.
i can say with certainty now that i have... no idea when this video is going to be done. this has thrown such a wrench into my plans that i just don’t know for sure anymore. as badly as it hurts me to say.
i’ll do everything within my abilities (without rushing this time.) to have it done in july. keyword “try”. i am devastated, but i’m going to try. again. my hope is that because i have most of the footage and other assets gathered and all of the video recorded, it won’t take nearly as long to re-do. in an ideal situation, it comes out within the next 5 to 6 days. i’m not making any more estimates i can’t guarantee with 100% certainty i’ll be able to meet.
my plan for starting over, as for right now, is to make individual videos for each tier, and then compile them all together into one video. this will give me less space to ruin everything. so that, if something like this happens again, it wont be a death sentence for the entire project.
at the very, very least, because of this, i have the opportunity to change around a few things i was starting to wish i had done better. that’s all the good news i have, i’ll get back to you, though.
what a learning experience this has been. fucking hell.
thank you so much for your continued support. i wholeheartedly understand if anyone is angry with me over this. i’m angry with me over this. but i appreciate your kind words so much, i can’t even put it into words how happy it makes me that people have been interested in this project. i promise, no matter how long it takes, i won’t let your kindness go to waste.
thanks.
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echo-leech · 8 hours ago
♪ for Philip I'm so incredibly curious :3
Holy cow this took awhile because ;_; i literally compiled almost all my philip-vibes songs and then went through the agonizing process of narrowing em down... i love music too much TT^TT (got down to 6, not five, but oh man. Oh man i cannot take any more off) (also im srry i cant Not talk abt em ajbsnfjb)
1. A Hair On The Head Of John The Baptist - Saltillo
This was one of the first songs that made me really think of Philip! At the time, I was trying to pin him down in my mind – and the way I interpret this song really is part of the core headcannons I have of him. Bitter, duplicitous in a fashion, verbose and self possessed; passionate and self assured, as well as earnest in seeking something. It's difficult to really explain, but those are the words that come to mind
2. I'll Keep Coming - Low Roar
A much more recent song!! Philip's stubborn determination, his complete refusal to let go of his goal... the misery in climbing a mountain, with nothing solid to be gained from it. Its just a wonderful vibe for him, and Low Roar is... damn, they're good
3. A Deer Mistaking Candles For Headlights - Crywank
Another more recent song lol (tbh a lot of songs i have for penumbra are abt the characters' interactions rather than them alone). Ok, this one might raise some eyebrows, but, well... i tend to headcannon Philip a very specific way, and this song gets it very close. He's a very... complicated person, with a lot of issues that are... not exactly easy to define.
4. Bitter Choco Decoration - Syudou Ft. Hatsune Miku
I think this is the first syudou song I ever heard!!! Oh man, its also one of the songs that helped me pin Philip down. Hes such a bitter, stubborn mess. Hes fascinating to think of, but when he's alone... yeah.
5. I Can't Escape Myself - The Sound
Philip alone... he just doesn't do well alone, I think, which sucks because he is absolutely not an extrovert at all, and if you manage to get him to talk he's a caustic, abrasive, short tempered grouch. The kind that is quiet, rarely explosive, but that doesn't matter if you put someone off enough with short remarks. This song grabs something in my head and I always think of a version of him where he survived, but hes struggling to process and cope with everything he did and everything that had happened to him – and he has no one to turn to. @_@
6. Silent Hill Downpour Intro - Korn
LOOK. I KNOW. It doesnt even have a proper name!!! But. Listen. It is absolutely PERFECT in describing the games, and just that opening... i imagine Philip climbing up to the deck of the fishing ship in a storm, getting his first glimpse of the land ahead. Its just too perfect not to stitch to my image of him.
Holy shit I literally. Cannot choose the songs. Gonna list a bunch under the cut, because i. Cannot not do that. And its literally not even all of them, its just what I scraped up as quick as I could 😔
Choice - Jack Stauber
Flash Delirium - MGMT ☆
It's Another Maze In There - Kikuo ☆
Pretty Old Man - No Buses
Haunted - laura les
Alkaline Adult - TadanoCo
Dog and Wolf - Whitey
Airhead - Picon ☆
Cartoon Network - Black Dresses
Here We Are - Forrest Isn't Dead
Dionysus - Cherry Tobacco
I Can't Handle Change - ROAR ☆
Tatara - Picon
Words On A Blank Paper - Oonuma Paseri
Mobius - Hiiragi Kirai
Back - Jack Stauber
Bury Me Low - 8graves ☆
How To Serve Man (the meanest things I'd never say) - El-P
Mouthful of Diamonds - Phantogram ☆
Pac-Man - Gorillaz
Clinically Dead - Chad VanGaalen
Little Dark Age - MGMT ☆
Hometown - French79
Je Suis Un Homme - Zazie ☆
Infinitesimal - Mother Mother
Inexplicable - The Correspondents ☆
Signs of Life - Arcade Fire ☆
Paradise Circus - Massive Attack
Lead Over Gold - Whitey ☆
Трюмы кораблей (ship holds?) - BLAZH ☆
Smile Boyo - Vundabar
1993 - Oliver Tree ☆
Eye For An Eye - 8graves ☆
Unglued - Big Data
Pelicans We - Cosmo Sheldrake ☆
Tardigrade Song - Cosmo Sheldrake ☆
Ok, ok, this is way too many but T^T i needed to at least mention the ones i randomly decided not to point directly at. Stars are the ones i get really strong feelings for 😔
tbh this was a mess because ahjsgjdhk i couldnt list em all even though thats What i really really Wanted to do, and YouTube. Deletes songs off my playlist and never tells me whats missing and i just KNOW that some very big philip vibes songs are gone and agjdhkvnm
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crikets-song · 8 hours ago
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The Fifth Procedure
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I'm so tired and overwhelmed.
Much to my dread, my phone rang at six this morning with James' night nurse on the line. His saturation levels had dipped and they weren't sure why, so he needed to go to the cath lab to have things checked out. This required a little camera insertion, up through his little body, and into/around his heart, to make sure his shunt was still in place and unblocked.
I got out of bed and made it to the hospital in record time thanks to a very understanding Lyft driver, who was himself a patient at that same hospital when he was a kid. He even offered to refund my ride fare. People can be so generous and it makes me weep at times.
Once I was in James' room, I was updated on what happened. It was a blur, but the gist of it was that they wanted to make sure he hadn't thrown a clot or something really serious wasn't happening. He did have the upper part of his lung collapse (I think). I don't know. Again, things today were a blur.
Thankfully, visitor protocols around Covid safety were changed and my mum was able to come up today. It took some of the weight of trying to understand the medical chatter off my shoulders. She was able to talk shop and actually talk to one of the doctors, giving her a better handle on everything they've done in the last 13 days. In turn, this helps her help us understand what's happening overall. Her 42 years of cardiac intensive care knowledge is invaluable and I'm so fortunate to have her here to translate.
James came back from the cath lab and they said that nothing serious came up on the scans. Thank you, God. They inspected his heart and his shunt is clear and working.
After nine hours with him, his day nurse told me to go home and get some sleep. I must look like hell because she wasn't the only one to tell me to go sleep.
I know the importance of eating/drinking/sleeping, but I understand so much now how new moms can forget. This is compounded by a child who has been a third floor resident at a kids hospital since he was born.
HR at my job keeps emailing to see if I've applied for leave. I'm extremely grateful to them for their understanding of my situation, but the constant emails about it have added to my stress. I've applied for one of the available leave options, but the other requires paperwork that I haven't been able to get. The hospital isn't cooperating and my time and energies have been spent with James.
I only have so much energy to spare.
In turn, I've allowed myself to ignore some messages and emails from people who I know have good intentions in their messages, but I can't process everything outside of my son's situation right now. I'm one of those people who easily feels guilty, so I'm trying to manage that with reasonable expectations on myself.
It's almost midnight. I slept a bit today and I will probably sleep some more tonight. We called the night shift nurse to see how James has been, and he's not got a pacifier and a hat. It makes me giggle to think of his little hat on his head, something he hasn't worn since before his open heart surgery. And the paci is new too.
His chest was closed yesterday and it looks so much better. The angry red skin is covered with new dressing, and he continues to twitch as the paralytic continues to wear off. He still makes sucking motions with his tongue which is why he now has a paci.
I can't wait to see him tomorrow. I love that child more than anything and I'm ready to take him home. To get little to no sleep because he needs to be fed. To hear him cry incessantly and rock him.
This first pregnancy/child has not been anything I could have imagined. I think God said it was time for me to learn some very serious patience and figure out ways to cope. This entire experience has been a lesson in both.
May my baby have a better night.
6/23/21
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6, 14, and 29 please 🖤🤎💜💙💚💛🧡❤️🏳️‍🌈
6. What do you wish you could tell your past self?
mm...maybe to pay more attention to how I was feeling/not feeling about certain things? it might have been nice to understand my sexuality sooner, which would have made a lot of other things about myself make sense.
14. Are you openly out?
Only to a handful of friends and of course all of you wonderful internet strangers~
For context: I'm something along the lines of...asexual biromantic? As far as labels go that's the closest I've got.
I only even figured this out within the last couple years and it's been really nice on a personal level to understand myself better and connect with others. That said, I'm comfortable with only being 'partially' out for now. Sexuality and romantic relationships were never a huge part of my life to begin with, and I tend to be a private person anyway, very selective with who I share what with, not just regarding sexuality but in all areas. I like that this is something I know about myself that I can share with people close to me, but I don't feel that I owe it to everyone I know or meet.
Sometimes I worry that others in the community who are more open or out will think I'm repressed or a coward or something. I struggle with this, because as much as I admire people who wear their heart on their sleeves, that has never been me. I think that there's more than one right way to feel pride; for some it's bold and bright, for others it can be quiet acceptance, a feeling of rightness. Maybe someday I'll change how I feel. For now just knowing is enough.
29. Any advice to someone who isn’t out or who is exploring themselves?
-Listen to your gut. What feels good, what feels wrong, what you're drawn to, what you avoid. These are all the little ways that you tell yourself who you are and what you want.
-Spend time with yourself to learn who you are without the influence (positive or negative) of others.
-Don't feel pressured to know everything right away or rushed to choose an identity or label. Knowing yourself takes time. We aren't buried fossils, static and permanent and just waiting to be dug up and seen. We're an ever-evolving work of art, sculpted by the world around us and by ourselves and we are never 100% finished, but at every stage valid and beautiful. It is okay to just BE. If finding a label is important to you, I hope you find it. But if you don't it doesn't make who you are any less real. Art is still art even if it's untitled.
Thank you for the asks~ it gave me a lot to think about :)
Random Pride Asks
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raggaraddy · 13 hours ago
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Cravings
One-shot: Sure you got away. But you're theirs. And they want you back. Part One of Two.
Vampire! OT7
Trigger warnings: Violence, swearing, intimidation, Vampire themes, cliff-hanger.
You thought it was finally over. After 6 months of looking over your shoulder, after all the running and worrying and anxiety, you were starting to let yourself believe that you were finally free.
After everything, you were starting to settle into a new life. You had changed your identity and discarded every last piece of who you had been. It was heart-wrenching, it was unbelievably hard, but it was necessary. Now, at long last, you had the chance to continue living.
It was still an unusual feeling returning to such an ordinary world, but it was also exciting. The possibilities were endless and you had complete freedom, complete control.
And what you had chosen with this freedom was the mundane. You'd enrolled and were in your first week of college. You spent way too much money on class supplies. You had a part-time job, an apartment and you were even trying to make friends. Everything was perfect.
It's been years since you'd left school and it was your first time in college, so everything was feeling a bit rusty. A simple example was how poorly your understanding of your timetable was. Sitting in an empty lecture hall with only 5 minutes until the class is supposed to start, you're suspecting you may have gotten something wrong. Again.
Studying the crinkled printout, you're certain you're in the right place. You checked the map and the room number 3 times this morning. Everyone else must just be running late. But as the clock ticks to 15:02, you have to concede that maybe you need some help finding where to go.
Groaning, you stuff your laptop back into your backpack. You don't exactly know what this class is even about, but you still don't want to be late for your first lesson. You're closing the zippers when you hear the door open up behind you. Sighing in relief, you look back to see if it is another student or the Teacher who has come in. You crane your neck, not able to see over the steep incline of chairs, hearing only the faintest sounds of a male voice.
Turning straight in your seat you rush to again pull your computer out, ramming your bag under your chair. You flip it open, turning it on setting up for class. Behind you, you hear the door creak and bang closed again. But still, no one is coming down.
Maybe you were a bit too eager. Perhaps they were in the wrong class too and left. Twisting around, you search once more for the people that came in.
Your stomach plummets. Jimin and Jungkook are stood at the top of the stairs. The welcoming smile on your face sinks, your mouth gaping. For a moment unable to breathe in or out.
How the fu-
The door sounds again. Even before you hear it slam shut, you're out of your seat bolting across the hall floor, sprinting towards the service exit. Reaching out, your hand only grazes the handle as the door jerks open on Hoseok and Taehyung.
Stumbling backwards, you pace away, keeping your sights fixed on them. Your eyes meet Tae's, your heart hammering in your chest. Anguish overwhelming your whole body. Snapping your hand to your thigh, you grab at your jeans pocket only to find it flat and empty.
Shit. Your lighters in your fucking backpack.
Turning to the side, Jin, Namjoon and Yoongi are casually descending the stairs also. Jimin and Jungkook already at the bottom step, standing between you and your belongings. Your eyes dart left and right as you continue to retreat, withdrawing from the advancing men.
"Fuck-" you mutter. The only other unguarded exit is at the top, at the other end of the room. Maybe if it was only one of them, or two- even three, you could have made it. But you don't stand a chance against all 7 of them. Not empty-handed.
Your chest is aching. You're beyond angry and hurt. This isn't supposed to be possible. You spent every last dollar you could scrounge making sure they couldn't find you. You are supposed to be protected from them!
Slowly Jimin, Jungkook, Hoseok and Taehyung work from either side of the room herding you back. Cornering you until you bump into the Teacher's desk.
Praying that your investment wasn't completely useless, your hand wraps around your gem necklace, clinging to it as tightly as you can.
The 4 of them circle you, Taehyung taking the lead to completely intrude into your space. His fingers brush against your elbow, making you flinch back before he can grab you. The sharp jolt left smacks your shoulder into Hoseok's chest and by the time you squirm away, Jungkook has filled the space to your right, trapping you between the 4 men.
"You changed your hair," Jungkook muses, running his fingers through the length of your hair. Flicking your arm up, you swat him away also.
"You smell delicious." Jimin purrs, licking his lips. His eyes filled with hunger.
"Right!" Taehyung beams, "I forgot how good it is." he leans in to sniff the air around you.
Hoseok bunches his hand in your shirt, twisting the material, pulling you flush to him. Taehyung's fingers trail along your collar bone up your neck. Jungkook mimicking the action on the other side.
You're shaking. Terrified. Overwhelmed by their intrusions. Aching with panic.
Exhaling heavily, you try to calm yourself. Focusing and inhaling steadily you tense and harden the air around you. Shifting it and forcing a current outwards from you as the centre. It shoves them away. Throwing them a few feet. The strength of it hurling the desk from you also, sending it into the wall with a heavy thud. But the power isn't enough. It doesn't even knock them off their feet.
However, it has given you some valuable space and hopefully, it made a statement. You know you're not strong enough to hurt them like this, but you're trusting they don't know that.
Trust misplaced, unfortunately. The three youngest stumble, but straighten themselves right away. All of them chuckling to the others, not even slightly intimidated but instead amused by your eruption.  Regrouping and unphased, they close in again.
Only Hoseok doesn't.
"You're going to use that against us?" he growls, charging at you in anger, his arm swinging back. In a panicked defence, you raise your arms over your head preparing to be hit, wincing a step back.
"Cut it out." Jin scolds from behind them, quashing Hoseok's assault before it connects. The three of them, Namjoon, Yoongi, and Jin are resting on the tables, watching the scene unfold as you are toyed with. The 3 younger ones also react to Jin's warning, all of them backing off.
Continuing to stagger from them, you make as much space as you can. Reversing until there are a couple of meters between you, and you're again pressed against the desk. Holding some kind of mild comfort from the distance, as if they couldn't close it in an instant.
"Why-" your voice cracks. "How-" you gape, hanging on to the gem desperately. You're trying to think, but your mind is drowning in fear. It's short-circuiting. There is no outcome that you can think of where you get to leave here free.
Jimin laughs. "What you mean how. Did you really believe that little trinket would stop us from finding you?" His proud reply gives him the temerity to come at you again.
"If money buys magic Y/n, well, we have more money than you," Taehyung teases. Following Jimin, they beginning to mob you once more.
"Stop!" You shriek. You're dismayed you didn't make any kind of impression before. They've seen what you can do. You just have to convince them you're still as threatening now as you would be with the other elements. You hold your hand open at Jimin, conjuring all the strength you can, driving a wall of wind at him. The directed attack is more successful. It tosses him through the air, sending him smashing into a vacant section in the bottom row of seats.
Thank god! That was better.
Taehyung flashes in front of you, snatching up your wrist. His other hand wrapping around your throat, lifting you high enough that you're off balance with only your toes remaining on the floor. "Have you forgotten?" He squeezes tighter making you splutter and choke. "We don't have to be this nice." He snarls.
"Hyung. Wait." Jungkook puts his shoulder between you and Taehyung, pressing down on Tae's arms to encourage him to lower you. "We're doing it differently this time, remember."
"Fine," He easily concedes, scoffing. Taehyung's grip releases and he skulks back rolling his eyes.
Breathing hard, your hand goes over your throat. The sting of tears building in the corners of your eyes.
"Y/n. We just want to talk." Jungkook takes over with a soothing cadence. "Things got a little messy before,"
"If you work with us, there won't be any problems," Jin interjects, standing at Jungkooks back.
"Right. We've talked it out and we're going to share this time." Jungkook continues, trying to reassure you.
This is crazy.
They're acting like it was them fighting over your that was the problem. They were using you. Keeping you prisoner. Drinking your blood to increase their strength and abilities. They hurt you, they abused you, they played with your mind and toyed with you for fun! You couldn't give a shit if sometimes they argued over whose turn it was to drain you dry!
"We really do care about you. We promise to be more gentle." Jimin adds, offering his hand for you to accept, sounding sincere and warm.
"Yeah. We're not gonna hurt you," Hoseok chips in, not even attempting to hide his sardonic tone and smirk.
"Liar!" You spit at both of them, the pressure in the air bursting outwards again, only with no power or direction. Not enough to even rock them.
They can show their actual feelings or they can try to fake sincerity, but you have experienced who they truly are. Even with how much they fucked with your head, you remember so much of what they did to you. And none of them are free from guilt. Each and every one of them left scars on you. Mentally and physically.
You can't understand what they are trying to convince you of. You know what kind of monsters they are. No amount of sympathetic tones or reassuring words changes this. You know exactly what they will do to you. What they will use your blood for, your power for.
"We're not that bad." Yoongi chuckles, not moving from his rested position next to Namjoon. "What do you think happens when actual monsters find out about you?"
"Stay out of my head!" you shout, realizing you had left yourself exposed. You urgently press the viridian gem into your palm again. Your loose hand flies out towards Yoongi densifying the air.
Jimin intervenes, darting next to you, stopping you before you start. His fingers latch onto your forearm, digging in, instantly tearing into the muscles. The pain is intense and makes you scream and buckle. Your knees weaken and you fall to the ground. He lets go, throwing your arm away, standing over you as you cradle it to your chest. Red welts right away forming under his fingerprints.
Panting through gritted teeth, you look up, watching the 7 of them watch you.
This is maddening. Your control of air is lacking and fleeting at best. However, there isn't anything else around for you to use. If you could only get to your lighter, you could even the playing field. Hell, if you just had a half a litre bottle of water you would be better equipped than you are now.
"If you even think of throwing fire around, Jimin's going to have to revive you after I'm finished," Yoongi threatens, taking the opportunity to again invade your thoughts.
"Stop." You whine, in too much pain to scream at him the way you want. Stiffly you lower your injured arm to your lap, throbbing pangs shooting up your arm. You hold onto the pendant once again for protection.
This stupid fucking stone was supposed to keep these 7 blood-sucking sadists away from you. It was supposed to shield you from their abilities, but it doesn't even do that unless you're touching it.
"I'm not going with you." You groan. Shakily getting to your feet. "I-"
"That's not your choice," Hoseok growls growing impatient. His forearms tighten, the veins bulging as his hands clench into fists. "We own y-"
"Fine!" You shout, drowning him out. "Take me back. But I'm stronger than I was 3 years ago. Stronger than 6 months ago. You think it was hard to keep me under control before? One slip up I'll burn you to ash!" you shriek.
There's a moment of silence, where a few of them seem to share an unsure look. Looking between themselves uncertain on how to proceed.
"Okay, I'm over this," Namjoon exclaims with a sigh, for the first time entering the discussion. He strides into the group, towards you, and Jin and Hoseok part to let him through.
The terror Namjoon has instilled in you bubbles up the instant he stalks at you. Out of the 7 of them, it is undeniable that he scares you the most. The others may damage and harm you physically, but Namjoon does so much worse.
You stutter back, holding your wrecked arm out at him in defence, your other fixed to the necklace. The facade of strength you had falls apart like a sandcastle facing a wave. While he was hanging back and while they were discussing restraint you had a hope, a wish that they wouldn't let him near you. But if he has made his own mind up, then there is no chance of stopping him. None of them will challenge the leader.
Searching out, you stumble to Jungkook. He was the only one trying to temper the situation. He is the only hope you have left.
"Okay, okay, let- let's talk." you try to bring back the conversation he had begun earlier. Looking up at his face, the warm smile he had is gone, replaced with an apologetic look.
You shake your head heavily, "No.'" you whimper, "Don't let him. Please. I was wrong. Let's talk." You plead. Your chest weighed down with dread. You're so close to crying. Jungkook shrugs, grabbing hold of your shoulders, maneuvering you, spinning you towards Namjoon as you come face to face.
With uncontestable power he grabs your hand, unwrapping your fingers, forcing your hand open. Forcing you to separate from your only source of preservation. He snatches the pendant, ripping the necklace off of you with a painful yank. Throwing it across the room.
"Wait-," you gasp.
"You wanna talk now?" Namjoon scoffs, sarcastically. "You know I'm reasonable. We should be able to find a way for all of us to be happy." He bends down to your eye level, his hand wrapping around your neck, dragging you closer to him. "Let me just correct this one little thing first," he smirks. "then we'll talk."
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notabronte · 15 hours ago
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A year of you - Masterpost
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A single year can host a lot of experiences. New friends, new places, new beginnings. A brand new life starts for Arlet the very same day she meets Henry, and during the following months she gets to know him, to explore the hidden side of him, to learn who Henry Cavill truly is, and also that loving someone is not as terrible as she remembers.
A single year can change everything.
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Pairing: Henry Cavill x Arlet Caronte (OFC)
Theme: Long friends to lovers slow burn, with lots of talking, lots of cliches, fluff stuff, light spicy parts, and love, of course. A lot of sugar was put in every chapter.
Word count: 135k
Author's Note: writing this fanfic has been a wild trip for me. During the almost four months it took me to finish it, it has helped me to partially heal from the terrible mental state I was, and seeing that a lot of you guys enjoyed something that was making me feel better, it only helped me to keep going and going, until it was finished. I can't thank you all enough for your support during the whole process, for being with me and encourage me to continue. This story means a lot to me. And for those of you who are reading this before starting this wonderful journey, thanks for the chance you are giving me.
That's it, I shall proceed with the tags one last time.
@stephartrave @tssf-imagines @themanfromu @tumblnewby @greensleeves888 @kebabgirl67 @ali-in-w0nderland
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AO3 Link
Click here!
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Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 ||
Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 ||
Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 ||
Chapter 15 || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 + Epilogue ||
Appendix 1 || Appendix 2 || Appendix 3
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kissvillanelle · 22 hours ago
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KILLING EVE SEASON 1 EPISODE 6 REVIEW
ok guys we’re going to have a lot to unpack in these last few episodes 
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villanelle is obviously so nervous about being back in prison, and i love how we see her look so vulnerable here. 
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and when you say tit? 
i love eve polastri so fucking much. 
also when carolyn talks about how it’s better for eve not to have a relationship with her husband. sound advice. 
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eve definitely has realized that these people know more than she does, or possibly has invaded into a secret 12 meeting. 
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konstantin’s face when eve mentions villanelle’s real name, “Oksana.” though, i find it almost impossible to believe that he did not know her real name. he broke her out of prison... he had to have known who to ask for, or about who she was. seen her prison file. 
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“you just want to see me bending over?” i love this scene so much, it’s actually a bit embarrassing how much i love it, but alas. 
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this shot right here. like all throughout the series we see these women having almost meetings. but this one hurts the most. like i remember watching through for the first time and this scene literally pulls at my heart strings. ugh. 
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no touching sticks!! 
“you are a big tasty lady but your fanny smells” lmfao amazing. 
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eve pays so much attention to details. she is very observant and almost nothing passes by her that she doesn’t catch. she’s just like villanelle in this aspect, except we haven’t seen her go over the border yet with full on killing. 
as nadia talks about villanelle here, she says that it was supposed to be her, but that he chose her instead. why? she mentions villanelle possibly doing something to him to make him change his mind. i’d imagine that villanelle threatened him or brought up some personal details in his life but then in earlier episodes, we see villanelle mention his daughter for the first time. we know that the two of them have never had sex ( thank god ), so what did she do? 
the mention of Anna here, the key to everything ( or so it seems?)
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“so i suppose i’m supposed to keep this up my arse, huh?” 
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she’s so chuffed with herself, after killing nadia. but i’m truly convinced that konstantin planned on leaving villanelle here to die, or be killed. i don’t think he expected to see her again but since the 12 broke her out, she paid him a surprise. he is a terrible liar and it pisses me off every time we see him lie. 
when nadia mentions that she told eve about anna, i wonder if this is how villanelle knew to go to anna’s or if that was always part of her plan?  
also, shoutout to eve and kenny’s relationship. it’s so cute and i love how their bond is so strong that eve can ask him to do almost anything and he will, without question and keeps it a secret. 
rating 9/10 
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sohamjagade · 23 hours ago
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How Important Is a Flat in Powai for IT Professionals?
A property purchaser needs to understand precisely where to focus on, for a decent arrangement in a major realty market like Mumbai. An area like Powai is quite possibly the most evolved and very much arranged realty markets. Powai is one of the up-market private and business center points of Mumbai.
A Land Of Nothing to Everything
Many years prior, Powai was a new village in the northeastern rural areas of Mumbai on the banks of Powai Lake, taking into account the drinking water supply needs of the city. In 1958, the foundation of the innovation and exploration establishment – the Indian Institute of Technology, Bombay brought the miniature market into the spotlight. The development movement in Powai got in the last part of the ‘90s and there has been no thinking back from that point forward for the miniature market.
Premium Location
Powai is encircled by slopes of Vikhroli Parksite in the southeast, Sanjay Gandhi National Park in the north, and L.B.S. Street the northeastern way. Powai is furnished with amazing social Infrastructure.
Social Neighborhood
There are various instructive organizations to be specific Hiranandani Foundation School, Bombay Scottish School, Podar International School and Kendriya Vidyalaya. Dr. L H Hiranandani Hospital, Nahar Medical Center and Powai Hospital are a couple of conspicuous medical services offices.
General stores, for example, D Mart and shopping edifices like Galleria and R City Mall (found under 4 km from Powai) are additionally accessible for the shopping needs of occupants. Aside from private turns of events, there are corporate workplaces like Crisil, Bayer, L&T, Nomura, Colgate-Palmolive, Deloitte, and Cognizant. Moreover, the miniature market additionally gives a beautiful perspective on the Powai Hills and the Sanjay Gandhi National Park
Excellent Connectivity
The blood vessel streets associating Powai with other unmistakable spaces of the city are Jogeshwari Vikhroli Link Road (JVLR), Eastern Express Highway, Lal Bahadur Shastri (LBS) Road, Saki Vihar Road, and Chandivali Road.
The closest railroad station to Powai is Kanjurmarg a ways off of 3.5 km and Vikhroli (found 5 km away) on the focal line of Mumbai's rural rail organization.
Powai is effectively available to the Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport (found 8 km away) through JogeshwariVikhroli Link Road and Saki-Vihar Road.
The closest metro railroad station to Powai is Saki Naka, a ways off of 3.4 km. The proposed line 6 of the Mumbai metro rail network from Lokhandwala to Vikhroli will go through Powai.
Growth and Development
Proposed metro rail network among Lokhandwala and Vikhroli liable to impel private land movement of Powai market. The Proximity to Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport increases the value of the locale. It is close to significant business centers of Andheri like Saki Naka and MIDC, Godrej Industrial Center in Vikhroli, and Bandra Kurla Complex (BKC).
Final Thoughts
Powai has changed into a significant up-scale miniature market in MMR throughout the long term. Other than being a private area of interest, Powai has additionally arisen as a business, business, and pioneering center point throughout the long term.
The presence of a grounded framework combined with the proposed infrastructure advancements including metro-line 6 gives a significant fillip to Powai's availability. Pashmina developers Powai have truly transferred the residential area with lake riviera Powai offering
2 bhk and 3 bhk in Powai
The dynamic neighborhood with a tranquil climate, away from the city mayhem is drawing in an enormous deluge of purchasers and financial backers to claim a property in Powai.
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