#everything has changed part 4
my objective making this was to make the design fucked up and evil and tbh i think i accomplished that
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well damn. guess it’s over
the shinigami arc.........
One summer (‘19), I was volunteering as an Orientation leader.
We were playing a bonding exercise where you pop balloons and answer a question. Of course my philosophical ass got a really deep question. I was asked, by a random balloon, something along the lines of:
“In one sentence. Explain the key to being happy.”
I responded vaguely, entirely unprepared to answer such a colossal question...in just one sentence... how can I put it into one sentence?
Happiness, for me, is more of a set of rules. Am entire watching of life than simply a stare of being. It’s mental/emotional/spiritual structures I’ve created — and been taught — developed and sustained over the last couple decades of my life.
Here Are Some Rules I Follow For Happiness:
*please, feel free to add to this if you have anything*
1) treat yourself the way you want others to treat you. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
2) if you don’t have anything constructive to say don’t say it.
3) be curious, but don’t ever do something just to say you did it. There’s honor in curiosity — and curiosity has brought great things — but to something “just because” lacks guidance and true fulfillment.
4) learn how to learn. Whether in school or in life to learn and develop your mind in a variety of topics through T.V., (social) media, the news, books, search engines & people. Everything & everywhere there’s something to learn whether it’s language, culture, stereotypes, ask questions and explore what truth can be found.
4a.) learn practice & consistency. The two most important things in life. These habits and rituals enforce more stable structures to move the mind forward. Initiating and facilitating growth. b.) Also, observe these things in other parts of life: partners, family, societies, media, and advertising. Everything has an agenda, revealed by their habits.
5) Accept change and asses your emotions to overcome hardship. It’s okay to feel, but you’ll learn, with practice and patience that change is an inevitable part of life, sometimes that involves losing things, people or deep attachments to old beliefs.
5a.) some questions you can ask yourself to overcome change:
how can I practice?, how am I practicing?, how am I willing to begin making change to enforce this practice?
6) know and accept your own truth to express your personality. In life you’ll hear a lot of shit talked about you. Not everyone needs to know your business, because you know what’s true, there’s no need in defending yourself against lies. Those who matter will see past lies anyone who believes is gullible and likely guided by ignorance. In that you may find some great friends.
6a.) this is inflected as well. I will not judge based off of other people’s opinion alone (unless there is surmounting evidence, like: if there’s a River (years) of bad reviews you probably shouldn’t invest).
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unfortunately I'm in the west coast so the roster dropped at 5:30am. it's been a long busy day but finally here are my 2 cents: it's not perfect but considering everything that happened in the last 1½ year, it's pretty solid.
everyone knew alyssa naeher would be #1 & ad franch #2. you can argue about this until you're blue in the face, it won't change vlatko's mind. AD 100% deserves it. jane campbell was just covering for her but that spot always belonged to AD. very impressed with her comeback after being out for the most part of 2020.
obviously becky sauerbrunn, abby dahlkemper, crystal dunn, kelley o'hara were locks. tierna davidson was also a lock because she's the next starting centreback alongside abby once becky retires. regardless of anyone's personal opinions on emily sonnett, it was inevitable she'd be on the roster. a year ago I would've said otherwise. she was inconsistent, lacked confidence, & was often caught out of position leading to turnovers & reckless fouls. she improved & became more stable in the backline. vlatko always spoke highly of her because he values her versatility.
midge purce is versatile & has potential to be the next crystal dunn, but isn't quite there yet. vlatko should've given her more chances up top, but she was never a threat to the other forwards. I was sure she beat sophia smith to the alt spot but I guess vlatko decided they both needed to develop in nwsl. happy for casey krueger as an alt. this woman has been snubbed time & time again. I personally think she should've been on the WC roster in 2019 but that's a different story.
rose lavelle, sam mewis, lindsey horan - no surprises. julie ertz was a wild card because no one knew where she stood in her recovery. I think it came down to kristie/cat/andi where 2 of them would go if ertz wasn't fit, 1 if she was. if she wasn't, I would've brought andi sullivan but vlatko seems to be against players playing in their actual positions (see: midge, crystal, horan, etc.)
vlatko clearly favoured catarina macario above andi & kristie but she never got time to connect with the team. her games against colombia weren't much competition & she looked lost against canada. going as an alt will benefit her in the long run because she needs this experience. her time will come.
kristie mewis !!!! so proud of her & she deserves this so much. glad she proved everyone wrong when people kept saying she had no chance of making the roster or would go as an alt. people said cat was more versatile but everyone forgot how vlatko subbed kristie in as a defensive mid & left winger in TWO games. in the words of kristie, I guess people wanted to be delusional. full offense & in the most disrespectful way possible, fuck all of yall for doubting her.
christen press has been carrying uswnt these past few months. regardless if you think megan rapinoe is past her prime, you can't count her out because she brings leadership & quality set pieces to the team. if I didn't know better, at one point it seemed vlatko was leaning towards carli lloyd over alex morgan because he stated how she still had to prove herself after recovering from childbirth + covid. that's probably why she suddenly started caring about orlando. either way there was no doubt these 4 were locks.
tobin was another wild card & everyone said lynn would take her place. lynn williams has been on my list as an alt since last year. she's speedy, stretches the field, delivers great defensive work, & is a likeable person. but her finishing is not it. goals aren't everything but there was no way lynn would beat tobin or any of the other forwards for that matter. idk why people were stubborn & loved bringing up her nwsl stats as if it has anything to do with uswnt performance. uswnt is not nc. just because she excels at club doesn't mean she excels at country. plus stats aren’t everything. she's a great player but not fit for uswnt system at the moment which is why she is & always was going to be an alt. if she improves her technical abilities + finishing then I could see her on the roster in 2023.
with that being said, I'm glad everyone who doubted tobin heath can finally shut the fuck up. tobin was 100% recovered by june but it was her fitness vlatko was concerned about, which is an easy fix. to this day I still don't understand how everyone listed ertz in their roster predictions but not tobin when ertz still isn't even fully recovered yet?? but they're both on the roster so that discourse can finally be put to rest.
anyways this roster is solid & uswnt is set to bring home the gold. kudos to you if you actually read through the whole thing.
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Note about 'Inside Resonance' is a project that seeking to vibrate with each other, the way it resound and the possibility of gestures. Just as the wavelength of sound resonates through vibration, the work is about sharing the body through continuous movements, such as movements of movement of movement, and to be resonate. However, this is not as easy because the screen surface, which has caught our eye, in the smart age, overwhelmingly presents cutting-edge physical environment and a change in the way we communicate. The approach of the work begins between these boundaries. The smartphone is in one hand, the drum is in both ears, the whole skin is dancing, and the gaze is walking a continuous tightrope between the screen and the body movement. The biggest change during Project 1, 2, and 3 is certainly the impact of the untact brought by the Pandemic situation. At first exhibition, I wanted to create a consensus by reducing the distance between people and people as much as possible, - From the second exhibition, 'distancing' was set as a choreography under the influence of the current regulating situation. For example, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4, 4-5, can be seen the people next to each other, but 1-3, 2-4, or 2-5, is an untouchable, resulted in a highly fragmented formation. - Another is that a video call, dubbed the caller, was inserted. The caller acts as a choreographer (starting point) in the monitor and is transmitted over the network in a completely different space. Eventually, the monitor's transmission of choreography spreads in a 1-2-3-4-5 manner, resulting in a series of factors such as noticing, buffering, imitating, and a bug among performers. - At the same time, there is another way of communication in the open chat room where anonymous performers, participants and visitors communicate. Anonymity and volatilism prevail in this space. - Finally, a live form of performance. In the first one, sound was sent to the exhibition hall through speaker with audio edited, while in the second, visitors improvised, and performers moved accordingly. In the third, drummers are invited to improve the quality of the performance, and both sound and movement are performed live. Artist’s note To me, work always comes as a physical being, and work is a process to build a belief system. Personal tasks that began by intervening with the body in the environment of a collective structure or system are stories of invisible surfaces felt through the skin. The skin is my chosen material and method, and just as the surface of the human body is made up of skin, the recent drum series also consists of animal skin. Our nature and traces of time are fully visible through the outer skin that surrounds the body. As Paul Valerie's saying, "The deepest part of a human being is the skin. (Cequ'ily a de plus propon de l'homme, c'est la peau)", I focus on the way of communicating with the world by 'skin'. It acts as linking the dichotomous world, such as inside and outside, visible, and invisible, phenomenon and transcendence. As the quantum entanglement of "virtual = reality" is increasingly amplified due to the time of continuouse untact, segmentation of time and time, de-bodyization, and volatil communication are reborn as new communication methods. We may already be more used to fantasy than reality. Everything seems to be connected, but nothing is connected. I have seen nowadays macro-changes due to digital methods and smart systems, and have focused on physical factors consideration of identity. And these are expressed through the using of sculptural works, performances, and media devices. In particular, the sculpture series, which began with the motif of the drum, implies the performance possibility of the sculpture based on physical instruments and ancient communication and actual exists as a dynamic role in leading the performance (sound and movement). By expressing the traditional subject of drum filling in 'shaped canvas' techniques, it seeks to explore "the contemporary tradition of a new form" and to explore underlying communication through the physical surface of the work. Communication, which begins with old tapping, becomes a conduit for connecting the world to the world, asking questions about the empty body caused by virtual systems, and recalling the possibility of a primitive body.
♪ for Philip I'm so incredibly curious :3
Holy cow this took awhile because ;_; i literally compiled almost all my philip-vibes songs and then went through the agonizing process of narrowing em down... i love music too much TT^TT (got down to 6, not five, but oh man. Oh man i cannot take any more off) (also im srry i cant Not talk abt em ajbsnfjb)
1. A Hair On The Head Of John The Baptist - Saltillo
This was one of the first songs that made me really think of Philip! At the time, I was trying to pin him down in my mind – and the way I interpret this song really is part of the core headcannons I have of him. Bitter, duplicitous in a fashion, verbose and self possessed; passionate and self assured, as well as earnest in seeking something. It's difficult to really explain, but those are the words that come to mind
2. I'll Keep Coming - Low Roar
A much more recent song!! Philip's stubborn determination, his complete refusal to let go of his goal... the misery in climbing a mountain, with nothing solid to be gained from it. Its just a wonderful vibe for him, and Low Roar is... damn, they're good
3. A Deer Mistaking Candles For Headlights - Crywank
Another more recent song lol (tbh a lot of songs i have for penumbra are abt the characters' interactions rather than them alone). Ok, this one might raise some eyebrows, but, well... i tend to headcannon Philip a very specific way, and this song gets it very close. He's a very... complicated person, with a lot of issues that are... not exactly easy to define.
4. Bitter Choco Decoration - Syudou Ft. Hatsune Miku
I think this is the first syudou song I ever heard!!! Oh man, its also one of the songs that helped me pin Philip down. Hes such a bitter, stubborn mess. Hes fascinating to think of, but when he's alone... yeah.
5. I Can't Escape Myself - The Sound
Philip alone... he just doesn't do well alone, I think, which sucks because he is absolutely not an extrovert at all, and if you manage to get him to talk he's a caustic, abrasive, short tempered grouch. The kind that is quiet, rarely explosive, but that doesn't matter if you put someone off enough with short remarks. This song grabs something in my head and I always think of a version of him where he survived, but hes struggling to process and cope with everything he did and everything that had happened to him – and he has no one to turn to. @_@
6. Silent Hill Downpour Intro - Korn
LOOK. I KNOW. It doesnt even have a proper name!!! But. Listen. It is absolutely PERFECT in describing the games, and just that opening... i imagine Philip climbing up to the deck of the fishing ship in a storm, getting his first glimpse of the land ahead. Its just too perfect not to stitch to my image of him.
Holy shit I literally. Cannot choose the songs. Gonna list a bunch under the cut, because i. Cannot not do that. And its literally not even all of them, its just what I scraped up as quick as I could 😔
Choice - Jack Stauber
Flash Delirium - MGMT ☆
It's Another Maze In There - Kikuo ☆
Pretty Old Man - No Buses
Haunted - laura les
Alkaline Adult - TadanoCo
Dog and Wolf - Whitey
Airhead - Picon ☆
Cartoon Network - Black Dresses
Here We Are - Forrest Isn't Dead
Dionysus - Cherry Tobacco
I Can't Handle Change - ROAR ☆
Tatara - Picon
Words On A Blank Paper - Oonuma Paseri
Mobius - Hiiragi Kirai
Back - Jack Stauber
Bury Me Low - 8graves ☆
How To Serve Man (the meanest things I'd never say) - El-P
Mouthful of Diamonds - Phantogram ☆
Pac-Man - Gorillaz
Clinically Dead - Chad VanGaalen
Little Dark Age - MGMT ☆
Hometown - French79
Je Suis Un Homme - Zazie ☆
Infinitesimal - Mother Mother
Inexplicable - The Correspondents ☆
Signs of Life - Arcade Fire ☆
Paradise Circus - Massive Attack
Lead Over Gold - Whitey ☆
Трюмы кораблей (ship holds?) - BLAZH ☆
Smile Boyo - Vundabar
1993 - Oliver Tree ☆
Eye For An Eye - 8graves ☆
Unglued - Big Data
Pelicans We - Cosmo Sheldrake ☆
Tardigrade Song - Cosmo Sheldrake ☆
Ok, ok, this is way too many but T^T i needed to at least mention the ones i randomly decided not to point directly at. Stars are the ones i get really strong feelings for 😔
tbh this was a mess because ahjsgjdhk i couldnt list em all even though thats What i really really Wanted to do, and YouTube. Deletes songs off my playlist and never tells me whats missing and i just KNOW that some very big philip vibes songs are gone and agjdhkvnm
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ashley c. ford
work, productivity and rest
I have anxiety. I have a lot of stuff going on all the time. I’ve learned that I wanted to get better at juggling things, but I had to let people help me. I had to set up systems, and I had to figure those things out, because I didn’t want to be that thorn in somebody else’s side, to be perfectly honest. I have a lot of things going on, and I’m busy, and that’s okay. I like being busy. I don’t complain about being busy because I actually really do like it, but there was a time I was just not prepared to be a busy person. I didn’t have the help I needed. I didn’t have the systems I needed. I wasn’t ready for it, and I had to make sure that was in place before I allowed myself to get busy again.Productivity is not peace. You’re never going to do enough for the doing to bring you peace. That’s just not how we actually work, but that is how our society tells us we work, and it is really hard to break out of that mode. It’s really, really, really, really hard, but I’m doing my best all the time, man.
I was going to write that these couple of days have been productive. Sometimes I don't really like that it is the word that I have to use, as if what I have to show for the last couple of days ought to be good and useful. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
Lately on my walks, I have been thinking about my studio clearance. I feel like I'm advertising some sort of garage sale. Where things are already there and ready to be sold/given away. Well it's not really that. The 'clearance' part was really just about getting rid of old ideas and works that I've never really shown online. I am sometimes bogged down by the amount of work that surrounds me, and it is always a very one way relationship, me and rejects. It is why I'm interested in remixing work.
It feels weird to be telling people that I remixed my work when there isn't a source to refer to. I don't know if that is necessary, but presenting it as a 'new' work also means that I need to come up with the 'origin story'.
I have been keeping this big list of 'dream projects' - which I'm pretty sure every creative keeps in their back pocket. It started out as a 'dream project list' which sounds kinda sweet and everything. Aspirational lists like that do eventually grow to become a reminder that you've failed in some way, to provide the resources (time/energy/money) for it to make it happen. And I'm not saying that it has to be that way, but it can feel so. Well the list is about 4 years old now, and I've been chipping away at it. Sometimes I get to the projects, and I completed some of the stuff, only to delete or throw away. You never really know if this stuff works, unless you get to it. It also really depends on who you are at the point in life. Whatever I wrote in 2017, if I had the resources to attempt doing those things, it would be so different from trying to attempt it now.
I'm a big believer in the whole 'right place, right time'. I think it's important to go with our own flow, and our own seasons.
One of the project that was on my list was actually about the en-bloc of our estate. When I look at whatever bits I've compiled re: the work, it feels extremely personal. Too much personal stuff can feel alienating - it made sense to me of course, because I'm in it. But for someone else to see it, it just doesn't really make sense. And, is it really important for me to remember this flat as it is, when I already have the boxes of photographs and keepsakes?
I think the crux of it was really, how my estate is really undergoing a change. At one point of the work, I walked around the private estate near my school, which brings me to the idea of a neighbourhood guide. West Coast is just a small area, a subzone of Clementi, with the shared road names. Clementi West Street, Clementi Road - at the end of the zone. The area is flanked by private estates at the beginning and end - condos, even right in front of my estate is another enclave of condo and private housing. I am not surprised if the land reclaimed here will be turned into another private housing zone. The other day I searched the price of the condo opposite - the penthouse unit was about 4mil, and I wondered who would really pay for a unit of that price in this location. Lol. I thought that was the kind of money people would pay to live close to the city.
Anyway, doing the guide feels more like an accessible version of what West Coast is about - something that I hope to have a slightly longer life span, even when this area is cleared away. The places I've covered in the guide were places that people can still go to, I hope, in the next five years at least. I know for sure they aren't about to be cleared away. With diminishing places, would anybody but the residents feels its absence? Would I be personally connected to the absence of a neighbourhood provision shop or coffeeshop in Ang Mo Kio? I might, but I would never know what those places mean to their residents.
I'm fairly neutral about the enbloc thing. I get that it is inevitable. The estate serves a generation of folks, and the way this place is run is that things just get updated for the next generation and so forth. To my family and I, getting to move out of this home is a pretty good deal. We are still living in the area, and we are moving closer to the park with the sea view, which was what my dad always wanted. If it weren't for the enbloc sale, I don't think my parents and I can afford buying the new home. Structurally, things are getting older at home, and if I weren't forced to be moved in the next couple years, eventually I have to be looking for some place new. My next door neighbours are finally getting a flat that is big enough to accommodate the whole family. These things are a huge plus for the residents.
I felt pretty good about completing the guide. I'm surprised that this was never something I had to do in school. It would have made for a really fun class project, we could go on a field trip, that sort of thing.
nat hi bby!! i just wanted to pop in and say hi and check up on you, how are you, how’s life? 🫂
also, i rlly look up to you as a writer, your works are always amazing and your style of writing is literally wow idk how to describe it.
do you have any tips or suggestions or smth like that to help me improve with longer fic writing?
ily take care of yourself and have a great day mwah 🫂🫂🤍
HELLO alys babes i'm doing alright!! got out of school and am ready to hibernate HEARTZ i hope you're doing amazing as well mwah mwah xoxox
THANK YOU SO MUCH WTF it warms my heart to know u enjoy my writing like What the fuck thats crazy.......the thought of being perceived at all is nerve wracking but when its POSITIVE its like WOAH this is so cool im having so much fun
LONGER FIC WRITING oh boy that's always been really rough for me too just because i have a VERY short attention span and have a habit of jumping around from topic to topic BUT over my short months doing (hopefully good) writing i have learned a few things
1. WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING THAT U LIKE. don't force yourself to write long drawn out concepts that you KNOW you will get tired of very quickly. if this means rejecting a few requests that u get then don't feel bad about that--write what u want to write and what you KNOW will interest you. that has a better chance of keeping ur attention on writing for longer periods of time
2. write a SHIT TON all at one time. i promise u this will help. if u get stuck on one (1) particular scene just MOVE ON VERY QUICK. what i do is i literally speedrun thru everything i want to get through and if i hit a part that im not sure how to write yet, i put a basic idea of what to put there in parenthesis (like this) and save it for later, so that i don't forget what i wanted to include there
3. mmm this is more like long term(??? if that even makes sense at all) but figure out a style of working that you like best. this means if you prefer writing for super long periods of time with only small breaks inbetween, or if you like getting all ur shit down in under 5 minutes and then waiting another half hour for inspiration to strike....learn about Yourself and get comfy w that system of writing. It could change each time depending on WHAT ur working on (like varies from piece to piece) but allot yourself the time and the workspace to work how you think is best for you
4. let urself edit stuff....like if theres a scene you've decided you dont like, give yourself the time to change it and rewrite it. sometimes i find that if i've taken a while to write a scene but ultimately dislike how it reads--i have to make a decision as to whether i'll continue with having that one scene im unsatisfied with OR if i want to take the extra time and rewrite it so that im more content with what im putting out. more often than not the latter is the bet option (for me personally) LOL so just give urself time to rethink as you write
I HOPE THIS IS COHERENT LOL???? honestly the longest thing i've written recently was that 3.5k monster of a found family genshin fic n that shit passed by like a FEVER DREAM i just kept writing shit down.... but YEA i hope this helps and thank u for checking in i wish you all the best mwah mwah xoxoxo
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Hey, could I request a part 2 to the overprotective mother Miranda story? Where the reader, somehow, manages to meet the other lords and gets to like them, much to Miranda's annoyance?
Broken Truth (Has a cup of coffee in hand): Hm, another one? Maybe I should stop drinking so much coffee in the afternoons....(Slips) NOPE! Let the words weave together!
[Mother Miranda's Chapel - [Y/N]'s Room]
Those familiar four walls have been his prison when his mother locked him in after his little adventure after she struck his face in anger but at the same time - those walls have become the perfect place for him to train and master the power the Megamycete - a.k.a The Mold - had given him the day he went into the cave with his mother. He never used that power because he didn't want to be anything else but human but now...if he wanted to be free from his mother's suffocating hold, he would need to accept the part of him he denied for so long.
Large white feathers flowed around the air of the room - steaming from the large white dove wings on the back of the 17-year-old boy that stood in the center of the room with a glowing golden orb of light floating above his right hand; his eyes were almost as gold as the power in his hand from its light He had been spending the last two years trying to call the power of the Megamycete and learned he could do almost everything his mother could; from changing into another person to teleporting small distances around the room but now, he was going to attempt the same thing mother did - teleporting from this prison to the village. He was going to leave this place and find a place where he could have a life of his own, without his mother and without counting on the Megamycete; just this once.
"Okay...You can do this, [Y/N]. Just focus and breathe..." He said to himself as he closed his eyes and let his wings encompass him completely and he felt himself...fading from existence.
It would be a moment before he felt himself come back together again but then...he heard voices echoing in the void of his mind - he opened his eyes and the wings exploded into feathers. He looked around and saw that he did escape his room but he was now in the center of an unknown room and he was surrounded by people.
The woman to his right was tall as hell - wearing a white dress and a black. She looked like she was of Royal Descent.
The man to his left looked like he spends most of his time working on machines and...that was a very large hammer he had in his hand.
"[Y/N]!!!" A familiar and pissed-off voice called out, he turned and saw three - or rather 4 - more people. the woman on the left was dressed completely in black, she even wore a veil over her head that concealed her face and in her lap was a doll that was wearing a wedding dress. To the right was a small figure cloaked in a dark green tarp-looking cloak with a crown of bones around his head. And in the center of it all...Damn...
"M...Mother, I can explain." he started.
"Explain?! You're gonna explain to me why you have wings and you teleported out of nowhere when you should be in your room?!" Miranda yelled as she marched up to him.
"I was just...testing the power of the Megamycete in my blood!" He backed away from Miranda.
"Testing? Why did you feel the need to test those powers?! Where you planning something? Planning to leave me?" Miranda hissed at him.
"I...I..." He was cut off before he could answer.
"Mother Miranda, who is this boy?" The tall woman asked.
"None of your business, Alcina." That name made his eyes widen.
"Alcina? As in Alcina Dimitrescu - The First Lord and Lady of Castle Dimitrescu? My Second Sibling?" [Y/N] asked, his question made the woman raise an eyebrow.
"What do you mean 'Second Sibling'? Just who are you?" Alcina asked as she rose up from her seat. The winged boy walked around Miranda and stood before the woman.
"You don't know me but I heard of you - My name is [Y/N] and I am Mother Miranda's Son, her first and blood son." He introduced himself; all the eyes of the lords went wide as they looked at him while Miranda's teeth were grinding in anger.
"You are Mother Miranda's True Son? Then how come we have never met you?" Alcina asked.
"She kept me locked up in my room since we came to this village; said she wanted to 'protect' me from the dangers of the village." [Y/N] explained.
"What do you need protection from?" The hammer man asked as he took a drag from his cigar, "As the son of Mother Miranda - no one would touch you, let alone hurt you."
"Really?" He asked.
"That's right! The Children of Mother Miranda would never be harmed - much less her blood son! You would be praised! Placed on a throne and bowed to wherever you went." The doll said.
"You always told me that I would be harmed if anyone found out I was your blood son." [Y/N] said as he looked at his mother.
"You would be! Now, go back to your room; you are not safe here!" Miranda said as she reached for him but he backed away.
"No!" He said.
"[Y/N]! I AM YOUR MOTHER AND YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME!" Miranda said.
"You say you're my mother but you damn sure do act like it! You act as if your my jailer - only bringing me food and let take showers under your gaze. You keep me in that room and the time and it makes me crazy! YOU MAKE ME CRAZY AND I JUST WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE SOMETIMES! LET ME HAVE MY SPACE!!!" He yelled. Miranda was silent for a while before the cloaked woman walked up behind the boy and said.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" she said.
"I would love to." He smiled.
The Four Lords and the Young Master walked out of the meeting room, leaving the village leader standing there - her son's words sending arrows through her heart.
He...He didn't want to be around her?
She was making him crazy?
No...He couldn't have meant that...
He was just cranky.
He didn't get his afternoon nap so he was upset.
'I know...I'll read him a bedtime story after dinner tonight. All he needs is his mother's love. All he needs is his mother.' She thought.
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New Friends (5/??)
Summary: It’s hard enough to make friends when you move to a new city, but even harder when you’re trying to rebuild your life at the same time. Bucky lived in NYC for most of his conscious life and now he’s back after years of trying to get himself right. He thinks he’s finally starting to figure everything out, but Steve takes him to a bookstore one day, and everything is turned on its head again.
A/N: Hello, Doctor Strange has arrived in the story. Idk about y’all, but his movie isn’t may favorite from the main mcu, but it’s kind of growing on me. Oops lmao. Anyway, There’s a little nod to the Strange Academy this chapter and I think it’s worth a giggle. Regardless, please enjoy!
Page dividers by @carryonmyswansong
Word Count: 1.9k
Bucky wakes to an empty bedroom. He remembers talking with (Y/N) until neither of them could keep their eyes open. Now, the only sign that she was there is the rumpled space beside him.
He scrubs his hands over his face before he pushes the duvet to the side and wills himself to get out of bed. He stops by his room to change his clothes.
Steve is pouring himself a cup of coffee when Bucky arrives in the kitchen. He grabs the Raisin Bran from the cupboard and pours himself a bowl.
As he’s grabbing the milk from the fridge he asks, “Did (Y/N) already leave?”
“Yup, about an hour ago.”
“Oh? I didn’t realize her meeting was so early in the day.”
Steve shrugs. “She’s an early riser. Tries to get as much done early in the day so she has more time for things she actually wants to do later in the day.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Steve watches in amusement as Bucky absent-mindedly pushes his cereal around in the bowl. “She said she’d text when she got home.”
“Mhm.” Steve pats Bucky's shoulder on his way out of the kitchen. "Don't worry about her too much, Buck. (Y/N) can take care of herself."
Bucky scowls. "She said as much last night."
Steve laughs. "Then trust her."
Bucky watches his friend disappear down the hall, annoyed because he knows Steve's right.
He snatches his cereal from the counter and takes a seat at the dining table, fingers crossed that he'll get a text from (Y/N) soon.
I left Avengers Tower around six-thirty in the morning. Bucky was still sound asleep, and I wanted nothing more than to stay and curl up next to him and just forget what happened the night before, but I couldn’t leave myself open to an actual attack from Mordo. So, I packed up, went home, and picked up coffee and pastries before leaving for the Sanctum Sanctorum.
Hands too full to knock, I kick the door and it slowly opens just enough for me to slip inside. Wong is halfway down the stairs when I finish wiping my feet on the door mat.
“(Y/N)!” he calls. “How long has it been since you were last here?”
“A couple months, I think. You guys haven’t really needed my help recently.”
“Looks like the tables have turned, though.”
“Yeah.” I meet him at the bottom of the staircase and hold out his coffee and croissant. “We’ve had a few odd ducks in our ranks over the years, but I just never thought it’d be Mordo that went off the deep end, y’know?”
“It’s always the ones you don’t expect,” he says simply. “Thanks for breakfast, by the way.”
“Don’t mention it.” I watch Wong sip his coffee. “Is he in his usual spot?”
“Of course he is. You think he moves from that little corner?”
I laugh. “No, I just wanted to make sure.”
“You should head up before he comes looking for you.”
I jokingly press the back of my hand to my forehead. “No! Anything but that!” I laugh and pat his shoulder. “I’ll see you later.”
He hums and walks off down the hallway to my left. I hustle up the stairs and head through the gathered artifacts, back to the little corner Stephen started calling his office. I find him sitting in a chair with his eyes closed. He doesn’t move as I step in front of him. Only when I hold his coffee under his nose does his expression change.
"Black coffee with way too much sugar? Absolutely."
He sighs and opens his eyes as he closes his hand around the cup. "Thank you, (Y/N)." He pauses in bringing the cup to his lips. "You didn't make this, did you?"
"No, Alice did. You always complain when I do anything but pay."
"You do it wrong."
"You wound me, Stephen, really." I drop the bag with his bear claw in his lap and take a seat. “How’ve you been?”
“Fine. You know how the job is.”
“Mm, but it’s changed since I was a resident at Kamar-Taj. You’ve changed things.”
“That may be, but things, themselves, haven’t changed much. Mordo is still looking for victims.”
“He is. I have no doubts that if he’s going after me, he plans on going after you before he’s finished.”
“I’d like to see him try,” he mumbles into his coffee.
“See, it’s shit like that that’s going to get you killed.” I leaned back and put one foot on the coffee table. "Hell, it took him a year to get to me. He's probably already gotten to dozens of other people."
"You think he'd do that?"
"You spoke with Jonathan, right? Mordo wants to rid the world of sorcerers. There are plenty of people just like us who sought out the Ancient One to heal something we couldn't on our own. He probably took them as easy targets."
"We won't be easy targets."
"No, we won't, but who's to say there aren't others out there who will be?" I shake my head. "But I don't want to just sit and wait until he comes knocking again. I have people who rely on me now, and I have to do whatever I can to protect them."
"Have you placed runes of protection?" he asks.
"Not yet. I plan to when I get home."
"Did you have anything else planned? Any wards or protective items?"
"I don't really have the resources you do, so no."
I shrug. "I'm just one woman. There's only so much I can do on my own, which is why I’m here."
“I’m glad you didn’t decide to take this on by yourself.”
“I know when I’m out of my depth, going after Mordo is a mistake. We both know the ends justify the means with him, and his ends are…” I press my lips together, trying to find the right words. “Less than desirable, I’ll say.”
He nods. “I’ll help you safeguard your shop.”
“Of course.” Behind his coffee he mumbled, “Wong would complain if you died.”
I snort. “Is that the only reason?”
“Of course not. You’re a joy to have around.” He rises from his chair and, pastry in hand, gestures for me to follow.
I jump up from my seat. “We’re going now?”
“What, you wanted to put this off?”
“Well, no,” He walks off and I follow him out to the staircase. “I just figured you’d have to pencil me in or something.”
“You think I’m punching a timeclock?”
“Stephen, I dealt with the Ancient One long enough that I’m still used to the way she did things, and she was into the mysterious, hide-everything-until-you-can’t type of magical mysticism. How am I supposed to know what your schedule’s like?”
“Then you should visit more often.”
“I work seven days a week!”
“You could find the time.”
“And ruin my perfect balance of work and more work?”
“You do more than work, (Y/N).”
He holds the door for me and I step out onto the street.
“Okay, I have weekly outings with Bucky, but I don’t do much else.”
“You seriously think they’re just outings?” he asks. “Because they look more like dates.”
“Well, I mean-wait.” I stop and face him. “Have you been watching me?”
“Not in the sense you think. I keep tabs on several people around the city.”
“Oh really?” I put my hands on my hips. “Do you quote unquote, keep tabs on Doctor Palmer?”
“Yes.” He rolls his eyes at my annoyance and presses on down the sidewalk. “I have my reasons.”
“I know you do, I just think what you’re doing is creepy as all hell.” I catch up and fall in step beside him. “That being said, I greatly prefer it to whatever the hell Mordo has planned.”
“I mean, it’s hard to argue with the Sorcerer Supreme when he’s got your best interests at heart.”
“I get it, you think it’s weird.”
“Yeah, it’s fuckin’ weird. I’m glad you can see that.” I loop my arm through his. “Now, what makes you say they’re dates?”
“The way you two look at each other is cavity inducing.”
I grin and he rolls his eyes. “Really?”
“I’m not going to talk to you about this.”
“Aw, you’re no fun. But, then again,” I elbow his ribs. “You never were.”
“Low blow, (Y/N).”
It’s almost noon when Bucky finally gets a text from (Y/N). It’s nothing fancy, just her letting him know that she got home safely. It takes everything in his power to stop himself from rushing over to her shop as soon as the text came through, but he managed to wait half an hour.
It’s quarter to one when he finds himself standing outside the door of her shop, hand outstretched for the handle. The door opens before he even touches it and (Y/N) is there, a little out of breath, but in one piece.
“Hey!” she says. “I wasn’t expecting to see you so soon.”
“Uh, yeah, I just wanted to see how your meeting went.” He slips his hands into his pockets and shrugs. "It took you longer to text than I thought it would. I got concerned."
She smiles. "That's really sweet."
There’s a crash from the back room and the smile falls from (Y/N)s face. She sighs and runs her hands through her hair before throwing a glance over her shoulder.
“What was that?” Bucky asks.
“Uh, we were placing wards and Stephen accidentally summoned a catbeast,” she answers. Her smile returns, but she looks weary. “Nothing dangerous, but they can fly, so it’s a bit like trying to get a pigeon out of a warehouse.”
“I could help catch it, if you’d like,” he offers. “Dunno how much help I’ll be.”
“I really appreciate the offer, but this one’s been pretty mean.”
“Has it hurt you?”
“No, but they talk, and this one’s kind of an asshole. It’s been insulting Stephen’s facial hair since it came through the portal.” She laughs. “It’s kind of funny until it decides you’re more interesting.”
Bucky smiles. “I think I can take a couple mean comments.”
“Of course. Just tell me what to do.”
“Alright then, follow me.”
(Y/N) holds out her hand and she leads him through the shop as soon as his fingers curl around hers. As they near the storeroom, Bucky can hear angry shouts and gleeful cackling. (Y/N) opens the door and Bucky catches sight of a man swiping at a gray tabby with wings that hovers just out of reach and bats at his head.
“Get down here, you little monster!” Stephen yells.
“I don’t think I will!” the catbeast titters.
(Y/N) laughs. “Any progress?”
“Does it look like I’ve made any progress?” he growls.
“No, but I brought some help.”
“Help?” Stephen meets Bucky’s eyes and Bucky waves. “Sergeant Barnes.”
“I guess you’re Stephen, then?”
“I am.” The catbeast whaps Stephen’s nose and he scowls. “Is anyone planning on catching this thing?”
“But you’re doing so well!” (Y/N) says. Stephen makes another grab for the catbeast and she chuckles and leans closer to Bucky. “This is way too entertaining.”
Bucky bumps his shoulder against hers. “We should help him.”
“You’re right.” She smiles slyly. “But in a minute. I wanna see what happens.”
Could it be? The reader and Bucky are maybe, kind of, slowly recognizing their feelings for each other? Could the story actually be steadily moving along? SHocking, I know.
But! I’d love to know what you thought of this chapter. What’d you think of Bucky’s reaction to waking up alone? Maybe the reader regretting leaving so early? How do you feel about having Doctor Strange introduced to the mix of characters? Good, bad, neutral? On top of that, where do you think things might be headed? I want to know everything! Be sure to like, reblog, comment, and/or shoot me an ask and tell me all about it!
If you’d like to be tagged in future chapters, please let me know!
@ghostlyhamlet, @claws-of-vibranium, @creaturefeatures101-blog, @imagine-assembling-the-avengers, @buckysendoftheline, @ptprocrastination, @1950schick, @amayasymone23, @arfrona-and-marvel, @ek823, @fanaticfangirl001, @furrywerewolfcollector, @kissofvenom922, @dawn-phantomhive, @fangirlwithasweettooth, @mairhof1, @starryeyesbadguys, @trap-house-homiecide, @buckywhitewolfbarnes, @kaepm981, @howdoesoneadult, @pcdmesamidala, @thefandomplace, @sian22redux, @skeletoresinthebasement, @lady-thor-foster, @jazzcutie, @gaytonystark, @geeksareunique, @nyxveracity, @feelmyroarrrr, @hermionie-is-my-queen, @darling-loki, @lemonadeorange73, @princess-unicorn124, @tofeartheunknown, @queenoftheunderdark, @avengerscompound
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A year of you - Masterpost
A single year can host a lot of experiences. New friends, new places, new beginnings. A brand new life starts for Arlet the very same day she meets Henry, and during the following months she gets to know him, to explore the hidden side of him, to learn who Henry Cavill truly is, and also that loving someone is not as terrible as she remembers.
A single year can change everything.
Pairing: Henry Cavill x Arlet Caronte (OFC)
Theme: Long friends to lovers slow burn, with lots of talking, lots of cliches, fluff stuff, light spicy parts, and love, of course. A lot of sugar was put in every chapter.
Word count: 135k
Author's Note: writing this fanfic has been a wild trip for me. During the almost four months it took me to finish it, it has helped me to partially heal from the terrible mental state I was, and seeing that a lot of you guys enjoyed something that was making me feel better, it only helped me to keep going and going, until it was finished. I can't thank you all enough for your support during the whole process, for being with me and encourage me to continue. This story means a lot to me. And for those of you who are reading this before starting this wonderful journey, thanks for the chance you are giving me.
That's it, I shall proceed with the tags one last time.
@stephartrave @tssf-imagines @themanfromu @tumblnewby @greensleeves888 @kebabgirl67 @ali-in-w0nderland
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 ||
Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 || Chapter 8 || Chapter 9 || Chapter 10 ||
Chapter 11 || Chapter 12 || Chapter 13 || Chapter 14 ||
Chapter 15 || Chapter 16 || Chapter 17 + Epilogue ||
Appendix 1 || Appendix 2 || Appendix 3
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A Grand Tour of the Julian 3D Model, Part 5: The Devil is in the Details
(Part1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4)
OK, so I’ve spent a bunch of time re-simulating Julian’s clothing, and I’ll finish posing his fuccboi expression once I set up the final lighting, because it will have a huge effect (which you will see later). So now what?
The textures on this outfit are a bit exaggerated in some places. I don’t care for the way the boots have these wrinkles (1) and the baked-in wrinkles of the shirt now make no sense because I have altered the shape of the shirt (2). (I’m test rendering in bright light so you can see all of this!)
Time for a crash course in textures...
A 3D model on its own is just a blank eggshell. Texture maps, slotted into shaders, are what make them look like fabric, skin, metal, glass, or whatever.
To vastly oversimplify, a shader is a bit of software that figures out how light affects the model. Texture maps are plugged into the shader so they can be taken into account during this process. Here you can see a small sample of the many, many shader and texture settings on Julian’s ‘Face’ surface:
Fun Fact: Julian has over 50 individual shader settings on his skin surfaces!
Texture maps may be a seamless repeating tile, or they may be a single hi-res image that is created for a specific part of the geometry, like Julian’s face above. These textures are often ‘painted’ directly on the model in a texturing program, and then ‘unwrapped’ like an orange peel and flattened into a 2D image. (The 2D image can then be modded fairly easily for things like makeup, freckles, etc.)
Most 3D models have, at minimum, a Diffuse or Albedo map (the base color/texture), a Bump or Normal map (helps ‘fake’ fine detail), and some kind of Glossiness or Specular map (controls shine and reflectivity). But there are lots and lots more kinds of maps for various functions. Different shaders will make use of different additional maps - and some shaders use no maps at all, just color values and math!
This is part of the shirt’s diffuse map - texture maps are copyrighted by the artist, so I’m not putting them here in full, just a small sample to illustrate what I’m talking about.
And this is part of the normal map - see how it shows fine details like topstitching? But overall, it’s too coarse of a weave for my tastes, and I want to apply a different texture. Since the vest is being worn over it, losing the fake bump effect on the buttons won’t matter very much.
Here I’ve applied new shaders to several surfaces. These are all shader presets - just a little bundle of tiling texture maps and appropriate shader settings. I used a cotton shader preset on the shirt, a slightly creased leather preset on the boots, a velvet preset on the chair cushion, and an aged gold preset on the chair body. I added depth-of-field on the camera to push the background into, well, the background. This slightly blurs everything behind him, and helps make Julian the focus of the image.
Now it’s time for lighting! This, too, is a huge subject, but it is almost exactly like lighting for IRL photography. Here is the ‘studio’ view of the scene, including the camera and the spotlight:
There is also another source of ambient light, not visible outside of a render, that adds an even lighting to the whole scene. The spotlight on the right was placed so that details were more visible - it’s a bit too bright and neutral for the final render, and it casts some odd shadows on Julian’s face.
Literally the only thing I have changed in the image below is the lighting - because of the cast shadows, you can see that it even changes the composition of the image, making it less top-heavy!
I wanted to accomplish three things here: 1) bring focus to his face, 2) warm the scene slightly, and 3) bring up highlights on his hair and skin. So I placed an orange light on his right slightly behind him, and a pinkish light from the opposite side. Then I turned off the ambient lighting. It makes a tremendous difference.
If I zoom out, the studio scene looks like this:
You can just barely see the rim light on the left side of the image as a blue line; it’s partly intersecting with the wall geometry.
...And then I took Julian back into Zbrush to fix a bunch of small things that were bugging me, like his eyepatch. And then I added a little more scene clutter. And then I spent entirely too long trying to get a catchlight in his eye - difficult, because it has to be a reflection from something that is actually present in the scene. His eyes have layers of geometry that represent the moisture of the eye, causing it to reflect light just like the real thing. And then I moved the lights some more to fix weird shadows...
This kind of fiddling often takes up the lion’s share of my time! Truly, the devil is in the details.
But at long last... we are (probably) ready to do the full render! Here’s the latest preview:
I’ve been rendering at about 1500px wide by 2000px high for most of my stuff - big enough to get some good detail, not so monstrous that it won’t fit on people’s monitors. When there’s a metallic prop like this, I will sometimes use a bloom filter to bring up those fun glowing highlights (I also use it for renders with light-emitting effects like magic sparkles, or renders with a setting/dawning sun to mimic the glare).
Not going to lie, I will usually stop and restart my ‘final’ render several times because I notice things that only show in the full-resolution render (not these little low-res Viewport snapshots). And even then, I may have to go into GIMP afterward to fix ‘fireflies’ (overly bright pixels that often appear on hair and shiny items), adjust contrast, and of course apply my watermark (I’ve experienced art theft in the past and it’s... not fun).
Next time: the finished render!
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