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#everything costs too much money and we all have to work or study
socstudies · 8 months
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Hi, as someone who is going to be in their first year of college this fall, I'm curious about the note taking part
Is physical or digital note taking easier?
Is spending money on a laptop nessesary?
What is something you wish you would've done differently during your first year?
Do you have any advice?
If by any chance you see this, your blog and your aesthetic are amazing!
I'm wishing you a wonderful day/night.
If you do decide to reply, thank you in advance <3
helloo! sorry for the late reply & thank u for the ask! :)
ive tried both and i think i prefer handwritten notes, however they both have their pros and cons:
handwritten pros
proven to be better for retaining information
can't get distracted by other tabs
lighter to carry
costs less than a laptop
i've had some classes where we weren't allowed to use laptops so it's good to already be used to taking notes this way
cons:
much slower. sometimes i find im missing stuff and i have to go back to it at the end
have to print out diagrams etc if u want to include them
could possibly lose them, spill something etc
not enough space on desk for both laptop and notebook so u can't get slides up or google something
digital pros:
much quicker
easier to organise & pull up different notes at any time - u don't need to carry around or find older notebooks to be able to study or refer back to past classes
some people make notes directly onto the slides which u would have to print out if u wanted to do by hand
can also use for research and writing essays which u will need a computer for at some point so might as well do everything in one place
cons:
expensive
more stressful if u lose or break it
if u forget to charge it and u don't have paper .......
this upcoming year, im using a combination. most of the time i'll handwrite my notes, but for classes where they talk too quickly i'll type them (it's not worth the stress & extra time having to go back to recordings after). my notes for readings will be annotated straight onto the pdf. i'll be taking pictures of notes to put them all together.
---
unfortunately, i think it is because you'll need computer access to research and write ur essays, as well as to find course information etc. HOWEVER some universities (most?) have laptops that u can borrow and computers in the library, so if u know that you'll be motivated enough to get up and do all of ur work on campus, you could save this cost - bare in mind when u move off campus after first year it might be even harder. definitely look into this if cost is an issue for you! it doesn't need to be a fancy one if u do buy a laptop though, just remember u'll be carrying it around so don't get a super heavy one!
---
as for something i wish i'd done differently: as a sociology student, none of my classes have exams where i have to memorise things, instead it's all essay based. this led me to not 'study' i guess ??? like the stuff that i wrote my essays on, i knew like the back of my hand, but everything else i couldn't remember well. so if ur taking an essay based subject, remember that u still need to study a little & remember these things !! i was so overwhelmed tbh that i forgot about this oopsie!
---
extra advice:
when people say that after u skip one class, u'll skip the rest THEY. MEAN. IT. literally try so hard not to miss class bc you will never go again if u do. my classes would start off with not enough seats for everybody and end up with just a handful of us by the end of term.....
make time for urself !! it can become all consuming, especially if u live on campus, but pls make some dedicated time away from studying !!
u will find ur friends eventually. pls remember that it won't last or be that fun if u stick with friends who u don't have that much in common with just bc they were the first u met. tell me why i was going to bars and clubs with people in first term bc that;s what they wanted to do ????? it's ok to move onto different people bc u will eventually get tired of doing these things u don't like just to be able to hang out with people !! now i go to bookstores and cafes with my new friends and i love it!! don't settle !!
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lockes-woods · 6 days
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Stuck Chapter 21
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Himiko sighed to herself as she sorted through her notes for the semester from her economics course. The papers formed a semi-circle around her on the floor where she sat back resting against the bottom of the couch. She had pushed the coffee table a few feet forward once realizing that it was too small to accommodate all of her notes, textbook, and laptop. While she didn’t have this exam until next Thursday she was already stressed. She was always better at studying more abstract ideas like ethics, and philosophy or things that were memorization based. She wasn’t worried about her ethics or abnormal psych finals; they were both essay exams. Economics had been kicking her ass the whole semester. She was barely maintaining a B; this exam was going to be the deciding factor on whether or not she would maintain her grade or get a C. Her focus was pulled from her computer screen as her phone buzzed against her side.
 She smiled absentmindedly when she realized she had a new message in DILF’s group chat.
Shanks: How’s studying going?
She snapped a selfie that captured her and Anko who was lying above her on the couch.
Himiko: Fine. Anko’s been supervising me for the last hour.
Himiko: [IMAGE]
Mihawk: Cute. Don’t forget to take breaks every so often.
Shanks: Do you want anything in particular for dinner?
Himiko: Maybe something quick. I’m starting work at 8 tonight.
Shanks: I could grab a pizza on the way home.
Himiko: K sounds good
Mihawk: Good luck with study love. See you at 6
Himiko smiled down at the text. A push notification came in from her money transfer app right before she went to set it down. She paused, trying to remember if any of her friends owed her money. Her confusion only lasted a moment before she realized it was her payment from the DILFs. While she knew factually that she had been working for them for two weeks it didn’t feel like it had been that long. She dropped her phone in shock as she took in the amount of berries and comas on her screen. It was the most money that had ever been in her bank account. This payment easily covered her rent, not her share but the whole rent and her average cost of food and other necessities for a whole month. She couldn’t wrap her head around how this payment was only for two weeks of service. After sitting in silence for a while she slowly eased out of her initial shock and took a screenshot of her banking app. She swiped over to her messaging app.
Himiko: Please tell me you’re sitting down
NomNom: I am. Is everything okay?
Himiko: Brace yourself
Himiko: [IMAGE]
NomNom: …
Himiko sat and waited for a response as she saw Nami’s ellipses appear and disappear half a dozen times. She was about to text her to see if she was okay before her caller ID alerted her that Nami was calling.
“Is this real?” Nami asked, with an air of calmness that Himiko was not expecting.
“I think? I just got the notification.” Himiko responded, “I’m not sure if they meant to send me this amount. It sorta feels like it was a mistake.”
“How much did you agree on before setting up this arrangement?” Nami asked.
“I don’t know if we ever nailed down an exact number,” Himiko said racking her brain, “They said that they’d cover my cost of living and asked me how many hours I average a week,”
“Okay and how many hours did you tell them,” She asked.
“I think I was honest and said 50-60 depending on the hours I could get,” Himiko responded.
“Okay, I could see them getting in the ballpark of that number if they paid you a living wage.” Nami tried to reason, “I’d talk to them before spending any of it.”
“That makes sense,” Himiko agreed glancing at the clock, “They’ll be home in about an hour.”
“It’d be insane if it is really that much money,” Himiko said after a moment.
“My only other thought is that maybe they’re paying by month?” Nami responded.
“I thought that too, but I’ve only been employed by them for two weeks,” Himiko replied.
“Damn, okay I gotta get back to studying; Vivi’s been gesturing to the clock for the last minute. Keep me posted.”
“’Kay I will, bye,” Himiko replied.
“Bye,” Nami said.
For the next hour, Himiko tried her best to focus on studying but found herself glancing at her phone every few minutes. No matter how hard she tried to distract herself her attention would immediately go back there. She had finally started to dissect a graph when she heard Anko spring up behind her and zoom to the kitchen, seconds later she heard the door open. She immediately knew Shanks was home; Anko only ever greeted him like that. The only time she’d give Mihawk or her any attention was in his absence. She remained seated as she heard him puttering around in the kitchen before coming over to her.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said leaning down to steal a quick peck from her before pulling back. “How’s studying going?”
“Okay,” She responded as she started to collect and organize her papers, “I only got through about 20% of the course so far,”
“When is this exam?” he asked sitting down on the couch to her left.
“It’s not ‘til next Thursday afternoon,” she responded, sliding her things back into her school bag.
“That’s pretty good, you still have six more days to study,” Shanks said.
“I guess,” Himiko conceded, “I just hate cumulative tests like this and anything involving numbers.”
“I’m sure you’ll be fine, aren’t your other two exams take home?” he asked.
“Yeah,” she confirmed, standing up from the floor and stretching. Her and Shanks’s attention snapped to the door as Mihawk entered the apartment. A smile tugged at her lips as she wandered over to greet him, Shanks hot on her tail. She was again greeted with a quick peck.
“Hey,” he said, pulling away from the kiss.
“Hi,” she responded with a smile, before stepping to the side so Shanks could get in.
“Do you want a salad?” Mihawk asked after pulling back from Shanks and hanging his bag and coat up.
“Sure,” Himiko answers as the three of them make their way into the kitchen. She hopped up on a stool while Mihawk got things for salad out of the fridge and Shanks turned on the oven and placed a few slices of pizza in to warm.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if I want a salad?” Shanks asked as Mihawk lined up three bowls.
“You’re eating a salad,” Mihawk dismissed.
“What, why does Himiko get a choice,” Shanks said exasperated.
“Because she’s a responsible adult who is able to get her daily vegetable and fruit intake- and don’t you dare say that coffee counts as fruit,” Mihawk said, giving Shanks a pointed look.
“If coffee doesn’t count as a fruit, then where does it go on the food pyramid,” Shanks argued.
“I’m not having this argument again.” Mihawk sighed sliding a salad in front of Himiko and Shanks.
“It comes from a cherry plant.” Shanks continued to argue.
“What kind of dressing would you like?” Mihawk asked, ignoring Shanks.
“What kind do you have?” She asked.
“Ceasar, poppy seed, sesame ginger,” Mihawk listed looking through their condiments.
“Sesame please,” Himiko said, as Shanks all but pouted down at his salad.
“My sandwich at lunch had lettuce and tomato.” He muttered.
“You do realize you need five servings of fruit and vegetables per day,” Mihawk responded, unimpressed as he passed Himiko the dressing. Shanks sighed, before adding some dressing to his salad and taking a reluctant bite.
“How was work?” Himiko asked.
“Fine, I only had planned surgeries and was able to catch up on some paperwork,” Mihawk answered between bites.
“I was prepping for a court case that is scheduled for the week after we get back from the trip.” Shanks answered, finishing off his salad, “Oh we also finally got a court date for your assault case It’s set for late next month.”
“That’s good to hear, it kinda felt like they forgot about me,” Himiko said after taking a bite of her salad.
“Yeah, these things can be slow going. Two months is on the longer side, but I’ve seen cases put off even longer.” Shanks started, “Oh also because of the nature of our relationship I won’t be representing you, one of the other partners Benn Beckman will be.”
“That makes sense,” Himiko nodded in response, as Mihawk collected the bowls and served the pizza, “Speaking of the nature of our relationship; I had a question about the payment.”
“Was it not enough?” Shanks asked, genuinely.
“What, no,” Himiko said in shock, “I was wondering if you accidentally sent too much.” Both men paused and pulled out their phones.
“No, that’s definitely the right number,” Shanks confirmed as he took a bite of pizza.
“For two weeks?” She asked.
“Yes,” Mihawk confirmed.
“Where did you get that number from?” She asked.
“When we asked you your maximum amount of hours for a week you said 60. So that number is 40 hours of you being paid a living wage and then 20 hours of time and a half for overtime for two weeks.” Mihawk explained casually.
“But I don’t make a living wage at work I’m paid the city’s minimum wage. Also, I’ve never qualified for overtime at either job because I only ever work 30 hours max.” Himiko said confused.
“Noted, but we never said we’d be paying you minimum wage before this arrangement started,” Shanks said, in between bites.
“So, you can afford to pay me that rate every two weeks indefinitely?” She asked, still perplexed. The couple shared a look before Mihawk responded.
“Yes, if we couldn’t afford to pay you that much, we wouldn’t have pursued you in the first place. That’d be like going out to eat at an expensive restaurant and not being able to afford to tip.”
“Sorry, but I still don’t get how can you afford to drop that much money twice a month.” She responded.
“Sweetheart, not to list the exact number of how much our combined salaries are, but we make enough that that amount of money isn’t going to make us sweat,” Shanks explained.
“There’s nowhere else where you could better spend that money at that frequency?” she asked, still not fully convinced.
“No,” Mihawk answered glancing at Shanks for confirmation, “We’ve already maxed out our 401k’s, own two properties, and have other investments in a diversified portfolio.”
“So, this is basically just residual money that you could have spent on any nonessential thing?” she asked, finally starting to see the whole picture.
“Yeah, basically,” Shanks agreed, “I guess you could call it ‘fun’ money if that makes it easier to understand. Your payments are like us getting a new luxury car.”
“Except instead of buying something with little to no longevity we’re investing in a relationship with you,” Mihawk added on.
“Okay,” Himiko nodded, she took a bite of her forgotten pizza as she took in all this new information. While she knew they were far from struggling she couldn’t even imagine them being this well off. She knew if they did tell her exactly how much they made she wouldn’t even be able to picture it or maybe even comprehend it.
“Have you taken any thought on what you’d like to do while we’re at the cabin?” Mihawk asked, snapping Himiko out of her head.
“Only a little bit, I mostly focused on studying today. I’m definitely interested in ice skating, hiking, and the spa.” She answered, going for another slice of pizza.
“Do you want to go skiing or snowboarding at all?” Shanks asked.
“Hmm, not really. I’m not very coordinated and I have a really bad fear of heights, so I doubt I’d be able to handle the ski lift.” Himiko started, “But the lodge inside the ski resort looks really nice. I could always read in there while you’re on the mountain.”
“That’s true,” Mihawk nodded, “Do you have any hiking boots or skates?” Himiko paused for a second before shaking her head.
“I don’t think so, if I ever owned skates I most likely would have had to donate them when we moved to the next location. We always had to pack light and they would have taken up too much room.” Himiko answered.
“Okay, we should probably set aside some time to buy them this week, so we don’t have to rush before we leave,” Mihawk suggested.
“I can take her shopping for the skates on Monday. You should probably be the one to get hiking boots since that’s more in your expertise.” Shanks said looking at Mihawk.
“Okay, we should be able to go on Tuesday, I know you don’t want to do anything other than study on Wednesday,” Mihawk responded.
“’Kay, that works for me,” Himiko agreed, glancing at the clock.
“I should probably go change if I want to get in on time,” she said pushing herself away from the counter.
“You aren’t taking the subway, are you?” Shanks asked.
“I mean yeah, it’s only 7:20.” She replied.
“But it is dark out,” Shanks said.
“It’s winter it gets dark out at 5,” Himiko argued, “Plus it’s only a ten-minute subway ride from here.”
“Shanks does have a point; crime rises after sunset.” Mihawk pointed out.
“It’s only a 20-minute commute, don’t you trust that I can handle myself for that long,” Himiko asked.
“It’s not that we don’t trust you, we just don’t trust the rest of the city,” Shanks said, Mihawk nodded in agreement.
“Fine I’ll take a car,” Himiko sighed as she retreated to the guest bedroom to get dressed. While she didn’t agree with them, she did know that she’d be late if the conversation turned into a full-fledged argument. She pulled up the ride-share app and scheduled a ride before changing and heading back to the kitchen.
“You’re also getting a car home right?” Shanks asked.
“Yes,” she confirmed reluctantly as she pecked him on the cheek. Before she could fully pull away, he caught her waist and pulled her in for a real kiss. She let out a whine at the sensation of his stubble rubbing against her face. She placed a firm hand on his chest and forced herself to pull back before he could deepen the kiss.
“I have to go to work.” She said.
“Do you though? You could always call out.” Shanks argued as he rubbed gentle circles into her hip.
“Yes, I have to go in. I’m not going to make Zoro work a shift with a man down because I didn’t feel like going.” She replied firmly.
“Fine,” Shanks said reluctantly letting go of her. She turned and kissed Mihawk before her phone buzzed and alerted her that her driver was only a few minutes away.
“’Kay I’m heading out,” she said pulling on her jacket and shoes, “I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom tonight, so I don’t wake you up when I get home.”
“You don’t have to do that, it’s not like we work tomorrow,” Mihawk said.
“You’re saying that now, but let’s see how you feel at 4:30 in the morning,” Himiko said, giving herself a final once-over before heading out.
“Night,” she waved,
“Good night,”
“Be safe,” Shanks and Mihawk answered in sync as she let herself out. She pulled out her phone and immediately texted Nami as the elevator descended.  
Himiko: The number was right.
She kept a tight grip on her phone as she exited the apartment complex and climbed into her ride’s car. Himiko was thankful that the driver wasn’t chatty as she sat in silence after they confirmed she was in the right place. Himiko’s attention was jerked down at her phone’s vibration. She immediately picked up after seeing the caller ID.
“Oh my god,” Nami greeted.
“Oh My God,” Himiko replied.
“OH MY GOD” Nami shouted, causing Himiko to jerk the phone away from her ear.
“Is that like for the month?” Nami said excitement clear in her voice.
“No, only two weeks,” Himiko responded, glee clear in her voice.
“That’s fucking insane,” Nami shouts, matching Himiko’s energy.
“I don’t even know what to do with this kind of berries,” Himiko said, overwhelmed, “I think I can actually start using my savings account.”
“Okay, okay,” Nami said clearly trying to reel in her excitement, “I think you should put away all the money for bills aside, put half the remaining berries in savings, and then-
“That still leaves a stupid amount of berries.” Himiko said, unintentionally cutting her off, “Should we go out?”
“I think we should go out,” Nami agreed after a beat. Immediately losing her pragmatism.
“Fuck, okay, okay,” Himiko said, trying to reel in her excitement, “After we go to the diner on Thursday we should go out.”
“I’m down and so is Vivi,” Nami replied, a smile clear in her voice.
“’Kay, I’ll be seeing Zoro in less than five minutes, so I’ll ask him then,” Himiko replied.
“Okay, I’ll double-check with the rest of the crew and see if they can make it,” Nami said.
“Okay, I’ll talk to you later,” Himiko responded as she pulled up to the bar and climbed out of the car.
“’Kay, be safe. Talk to you later.” Nami said before hanging up.
Himiko couldn’t wipe the smile off her face as she circled the building and entered through the employee entrance. She was greeted by the back of Zoro’s head as he hung up his jacket.
“Hey,” Himiko greeted hanging up her jacket and purse.
“Hey, someone’s in a good mood,” Zoro commented. Himiko peeked around the corner outside the nook they were standing in to make sure they were alone before responding.
“I just got my first payment,” she whispered screamed at him.
“From the DILFs?” he asked in a low voice; she nodded in response.
“We’re going out to celebrate Thursday night, I’m paying. You in?” she asked.
“Sure,” he replied, “That actually reminds me, are you free next Saturday?”
“I think so, why?” she asked.
“I got invited to the winter gala that the hospital’s hosting for being the top of my class this semester; do you want to come?” he asked.
“Are you sure you don’t want to ask Sanji?” she asked back.
“Yeah, it was actually his idea that I ask you.” He responded, “He does want to pick out your outfit though if you do come.”
“Sure,” Himiko agreed, “I’ll have to double-check that Mihawk’s okay with me being there, but other than that I think I can make it.”
“Sounds good,” Zoro nodded.
“HIMIKO, ROANOA you got 60 seconds to get your asses up to the front of house,” They heard their manager, Marcus, yell from his office down the hall. They shared a smile before clocking in and rushing to the front.
MASTER LIST
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A/N: Hey, I hope you enjoyed this bonus chapter. Even if it was mostly a filler chapter to set up for the next few chapters. I promise I didn't forget about the assault case, I've been putting off mentioning it to highlight how slow the US judicial system is especially in big cities. I'm so excited to write the clubbing chapter for chapter 22. Not to give too much away but it may involve someone coming on to Himiko and the DILFs' reaction to that. I wasn't planning on writing an update for another couple of weeks, but I had to be tech support for my uncle as he did his taxes and literally had nothing else to do while I waited for him to finish filing. He didn't even end up finishing tonight so depending on how long it takes him tomorrow there might be an update sooner than planned. Thanks as always for taking the time to read this, ^-^
-Locke
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miinxpid · 9 months
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THIS IS FUCKING IMPORTANT
Do you know? I can't take it anymore... speaking as a creator and a player... I've been creating custom content for a fucking year... and I've never paid for it because I love that people can enjoy my content !! It's a fucking hobby... for some creators of the patreon sims you have me fucking tired with your fucking complaints that they steal your cc meshes, share them on sites and you know what? I see it normal, logical even ACCEPTABLE! That they share your content because you skip EA's policies! stop treating the sims saga as if you had created the fucking game from scratch ..if you think that patreon is going to give you enough money to support yourself financially, you are totally wrong! You know, sometimes I think that ea should take more measures in the matter or qualify the creators... because this is already too much... I'm also tired that if someone finds out that they share their content, they start to cry... FRIEND, YES YOU COMPLAIN SO MUCH ABOUT THEM SHARING YOUR CONTENT RESPECT THE FUCKING POLICIES OF EA! HOW HARD IT IS TO UNDERSTAND ! If we all complied with policies, no group like patreon destroyed and more ... they would not exist !!
It also seems disgusting to me about some creators that you put on payment walls and on some permanent occasions... such as cowbuild, pixelvibes and others others are from SL and surely open many others from imvu... (here is the one that plays imvu) oh well...
I understand that the programs you use cost you money, the hours you spend on the computer making content but friend...remember that you are a person with a hobby AND CREATING CONTENT FOR THE SIMS IS NOT A REAL JOB!!!
I really know that my content that I make sometimes is shit, the quality, textures, everything... but I try better as a creator and enjoy creating but damn I don't put it on a paywall and I start crying, also if I'm a honest I understand that I have all of you but sometimes I think that why do I have them if in 6 or 7 years I'm not here anymore... I'm still WORKING on what I've studied....
Also if I'm honest, sometimes I really analyze the creators and almost the majority of them see that they are for the fucking money and not for the fanaticism and that they have been playing the game for years
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tagthescullion · 4 months
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Diplomacy: a Net of Embellished Lies
Fandom(s): Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Heroes of Olympus
Rating: G
Summary: Five times Nico lied to the people around him, and one time he told the truth.
AO3 link
Chapter 1
Chapter 2: The Ambassador
Jason and Reyna had been working for hours. They were trying to come up with a budget proposal to start fixing their small dock after the battle a month before. 
They didn’t have much to work with, and unfortunately, naval reparations cost fortunes.
“We could leave it for another time,” he suggested. “It’s not often we use those boats, there’s no point in spending all this money on that now.”
Reyna frowned. “If we leave it, then we’ll never do it. Better get it out of our heads now.”
There was a knock on the door.
“Sorry to disturb you.” Gwendolyn’s face poked from behind the door. “We've got a couple of new arrivals.”
Jason raised his eyebrows. It was common for praetors to greet their new recruits, but it wasn’t urgent by any means. Gwen knew times were hectic, which meant whoever these kids were must’ve been something if she was appearing unannounced to introduce them.
“Sure,” he said. “Send them in.”
Reyna gave him a look. 
“We’re a bit busy,” she pointed out. “We can meet them ourselves later…”
“I know,” said Gwen. “But you’ll want to meet them. They weren’t trained by Lupa.”
That piqued their curiosity. Everybody trained with Lupa, how else would they know how to find camp in the first place.
“Right,” Reyna decided. “Bring them to us, then.”
In came two kids. A boy and a girl. Early teens or so, by their looks.
The boy looked pale to the point of Vitamin D deficiency, but Jason couldn’t blame him. He didn’t remember the last time he had spent more than fifteen seconds under direct sunlight. He had bags under his eyes that mirrored Jason’s and Reyna’s, and he seemed to be taking in everything in the room with interest. 
His eyes focused on the two praetors in turn. They startled Jason. They were a deep brown, with a sparkle of unhinged cleverness to them. 
The girl clearly felt more uneasy than her companion. Rather than studying the room curiously, she seemed wary. 
She had a face that many may have disregarded as kind and posing little threat, but Jason could see her muscles tense, ready to react, and the intensity of her gaze. Her eyes, in contrast to her friend’s, were flecked with gold that reflected the light that came in from the windows.
“Welcome to Camp Jupiter,” Jason said. “The Twelfth Legion Fulminata. I’m Jason Grace and this is Reyna, we’re your praetors.”
The children exchanged a glance.
“I’m Hazel Levesque,” the girl introduced herself. Then she pointed at the boy. “And this is Nico di Angelo, my brother.”
Siblings? They didn’t look much alike, but they had different surnames, so most likely they were only siblings by their godly parent.
“Gwendolyn told us you found your way here unconventionally,” Reyna said. 
“Our father sent us,” Nico explained. There was a trace of an accent in his speech, but Jason was surprised by how firm his tone was, at that age —12 or 13– he used to be a lot more nervous when he had to speak to the praetors. “The Lord of the Dead.”
Jason’s eyes widened. Children of Pluto? And two of them! Gods, Octavian would be unbearable when found out about them, going on about bad auguries and treason.
“You’re children of Pluto?” Reyna sounded unbothered, but Jason knew her to be surprised, too. “And he sent you?”
Jason put a hand on her arm. While he understood the concern, he could see how the boy had squared up, as if expecting a disapproving reaction from them. Jason didn’t wish to prove him right, any child of any god was welcome here.
“It’s not common to have Big Three children,” Jason clarified. “There’s not many of us.”
Nico seemed interested in that. “You’re a child of the Big Three?”
Jason nodded.
“It would be Jupiter, right?” Nico guessed. “A leader such as you. You have your father’s eyes. You said your surname was Grace, didn’t you?”
Jason was wrong-footed by the boy’s words. Guessing Jupiter was easy; the kid said it was because of the leading position, but everybody knew Jupiter was… easy-going. Out of the three brothers it was the most likely bet. But what did he mean Jason had his father’s eyes? Why did this scrawny boy know what the King of the Gods looked like?
Startled as he was, he nodded yes to the surname question. 
“When did you meet Jupiter?” Reyna asked when Jason didn’t.
“Last month,” the boy replied. He eyed Reyna’s metal dogs as if daring them to react, and Jason wondered if he had a sixth sense or superpower. Nobody knew about Aurum and Argentum when they first arrived. “I convinced my father to fight in the gods’ war against the titans. Afterwards, he saw it fit that I… met the family.”
The metal dogs tilted their heads in unison, but remained still, meaning Nico wasn’t lying. 
“But not you, Hazel Levesque?” Reyna turned her eyes at the girl. 
Hazel shook her head. “I only met Nico a week or so ago.”
Nico, but not their father. And yet the boy had said the King of the Underworld sent them both.
“And Pluto brought you here,” Jason began. “He told you how to find us.”
“He wishes for Hazel to be trained here,” Nico spoke up. “He’s given me other tasks to do elsewhere, but he hopes you’ll accept me as his ambassador. I would only stay here every so often.”
An ambassador for a god? Had that ever happened? Other than their augury —and that couldn’t be considered as an envoy, despite answering to Apollo’s power— there was nothing even remotely similar.
Hazel had been surprised by her brother’s word. She turned towards him and murmured something quickly.
Nico shook his head, he waved his hands as he muttered some reassurance or other back.
His sister didn’t look happy, but she’d been appeased by his words.
Jason glanced at Reyna and saw her following the exchange carefully.
No wonder Gwen had wanted these two to meet them before they went anywhere. Octavian would be thrilled to have vulnerable children whose secrets to exploit. And a son of Pluto who was frequently in contact with the god? 
“What exactly would Pluto need from an ambassador?” Reyna inquired. 
Nico shrugged. “He didn’t say anything specific. Information, I gather. We learn a lot from the dead, but you can also learn a lot from the living. These past years have been a difficult time for everyone, my father felt… disconnected from the rest of the gods. He only wishes to be kept up-to-date with any threats he might have to face in the future.”
Jason processed the request. 
Well, request. If a god was asking for it —and it appeared to be the case, for Aurum and Argentum had remained quiet so far—, then there was no room for debating. Pluto wanted an ambassador and he would have him, regardless of any reparation their camp might have about it.
Besides, having anybody who was in touch with the gods could come in handy. A few abnormalities had been noticed lately, regarding the dead, and who better than the god’s son to clear things up.
Jason wondered about Hazel, however. She seemed too silent, and not at all aware of anything her brother had said.
“So,” Jason leaned back into the table. “Hazel, you’ll be joining the legion. Nico, you’ll be… around the legion but not staying per se.”
“That’s about it, yeah,” Nico agreed. 
“But I—”
“It’s okay,” Nico interrupted his sister, “We’ll talk later. You can trust these people.”
“But can we trust you?” Reyna demanded, her voice accusing. 
“Have we shown any evidence of the contrary?” Nico wondered. “Other than the —what did you call it?— unconventional arrival.”
Jason thought things were becoming a bit too tense. In their defence, neither he nor Reyna had slept well for months. But that was no reason for which they should be about to get aggressive with a 12 year-old.
“None,” he assured the boy. “We’re interested in your proposal, Nico.” Turning to the girl he added: “Hazel, you’ll be wanting to get better acquainted with the place, since you’ll be staying.”
He walked past the siblings and poked his head out of the door.
Gwen was lying in a bench in the hallway, earphones on and listening to something in a walk-man that looked to be a million years old.
“Gwen?” He called.
She looked up and nodded.
Jason returned to the room and leaned back against the table, as he’d been doing before he left.
Gwen appeared a second later.
“Gwendolyn,” Jason smiled. “Would you be kind and give Hazel a tour of Camp Jupiter? Get her something from the bakery, too.” He then told Hazel: “You’ll love those pastries, they’re amazing.”
Hazel and Nico exchanged a last silent conversation. Jason wondered how they could understand each other so well with looks alone if they’d met only a week before.
“See you later,” Hazel said. 
Jason and Reyna nodded.
Gwen let her leave and stood waiting for the boy to follow.
“Nico we’ll keep for a bit longer, if that’s all right?” Jason stared at the kid.
“Of course,” he said. 
Once Gwen had left, Jason and Reyna took their seats in the high-backed chairs on the other side of the long wooden table.
“So, Ambassador of Pluto,” Reyna said. She gestured towards a folding chair, open on Nico’s side of the table. “There’s been rumours. They say monsters aren’t staying dead.”
Straight to the point. Jason loved that of Reyna, she didn’t have time for bullshit.
And Nico seemed to regard that as a good quality too. He took the chair, folded his arms on the table and nodded his head.
“It’s a long story,” he said. “And not even my father has all the details.”
That didn’t bode well.
“Tell us what you know,” Jason insisted. “Any information is better than no information.”
“There’s a sort of glitch in the Underworld’s security,” Nico told them. “The boundaries between life and death are weaker than they are meant to be.”
“Does that mean people aren’t staying dead?” Reyna asked.
Nico hesitated. “It’s not the same. People —spirits, anyway—, they’d need somebody else to get them out. In Asphodel they seldom remember who they are. In Elysium they’re too happy to care to come back. And in the Fields of Punishment they’re constantly monitored.”
“Right,” Jason said. “So it’s only Tartarus’ security that isn’t working… that’s not much better.”
“No, I don’t suppose it is,” Nico agreed. “But it’ll be much worse in weeks and months to come. When monsters start spreading the word. So far, it’s only been a few of them, and the Furies have the orders to search for any wayward creature that’s left the Underworld unauthorised. But even they have limits, if monsters or spirits start escaping in larger groups…”
“You said if somebody helps them,” Reyna commented. “They could escape. The spirits, I mean.”
She looked worried. Of course, they knew people who had passed who they wouldn’t be too happy to see again. Traitors from the war, old camp leaders who’d run down the place leaving them in the weak mess they were when Saturn came to power… but Jason wondered if her wariness came from something else. A ghost from her past she hadn’t disclosed even to him.
He forced his attention to come back to the conversation.
Nico raised an eyebrow. “And who would help them? The only mortals who can go in and out of the Underworld freely are Hazel and I. Anybody else and my father and step-mother would intersect immediately.”
Jason saw Reyna’s mistrustful expression. Neither she nor him knew the children of Pluto well at all. For all that Reyna’s dogs hadn’t caught them lying, it would be a stretch to say they were ready to trust the kids.
“And do you promise you won’t go bringing back our enemies from the Underworld?” She demanded. 
Nico di Angelo slouched back on the folding chair and looked at Reyna right in the eyes. “I promise I won’t bring any monster or demigod back to life.”
9 notes · View notes
qyuoza · 1 year
Text
Sweet Tooth (Soobin)
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“Oh shut up, the baker is just stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste”
Genre: Fluff
Pairing: Culinary Student!Baker!Soobin x Medical Student!reader
Warnings: None just tooth rotting fluff and mutual pining
Synopsis: An average medical student getting by who meets the cute baker from the small bakery across the street in front of her university.
Note: I couldn’t think of a better ending but the fic already became too long for my liking so here it is. After I think a month of working on this, it’s finally here and not as good as I wanted it to be but I hope you guys like it! Also not yet proofread and semi edited.
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Being a medical student was a pain in the ass and was even worse than how people would describe, it cost money, time as well as your mental and emotional stability. It’s not like anyone would want to study about the anatomy of a human in a dull lecture hall, or how a whiff of a cigarette could even kill you.
Yet you were already here and there was no turning back from it all, because though you were passionate, you still had a limit to how much you could take, even if you had always dreamed of becoming a pediatrician to keep you motivated.
“Oh my God Karina, I don’t think I’m actually ready to take this exam. I’m probably going to fail the whole year and I’ll be stuck as a receptionist in scrubs if I don’t get my head straight” you say tearfully.
Your friend Karina chuckled as she pat your back comfortingly, assuring you that you would do just fine and that you had already done enough studying the past few days.
“You’ll be fine Y/n, don’t worry about it otherwise you will actually start to feel even worse. You’ve studied like crazy so it would be insane if you didn’t do so well, like you always do” she smiled softly in reply.
You shoot Karina a weak smile back and sigh once again, at least one of your best friends kept you somewhat sane, you couldn’t say the same for your appearance though. With heavy eyebags and eyes that looked as hollow as your soul, anyone would probably mistake you as a psychward patient if you were walking around by yourself.
“Thanks, good luck to us once we step into the exam hall” you finish, after gathering the rest of the materials you’ll need for the exam itself.
An hour passed and the exam had completely drained you, whilst you step out the exam hall with Karina groggily. You just wanted to go home and sleep all your problems away, but if you were already struggling as a freshman, how much more would you be in the future knowing you still had thirteen years to go?
“Is it too late to change careers and become a full time sugar baby or stripper?” You ask your friend and roommate, Chaewon, who was just as drained as you were.
“I don’t think so. Let’s go on that sugar baby website” she chimed back in exhaustion. Yeji laughed at you both on the couch before setting down a box of fried chicken on the coffee table in front of you, along with a few drinks and a bottle of soju.
“Cheer up ladies, we’ll get through all of this before you know it. Now eat up, the food’s getting cold” Yeji hissed.
You and Chaewon helped yourselves without another word, the three of you scarfing down all the food and downing a few shots of alcohol just to get your system going.
In the middle of the conversation, Chaewon had suddenly brought up the bakery that just opened across the university.
“By the way, a new bakery opened up across the street from our school, do you guys wanna try and visit tomorrow?” She chirped.
You guys didn’t really have anything to lose, so you and Yeji agreed before setting a certain time to meet after your last exam. That was when you realized it was getting late so you all cleaned up and started to get ready for bed.
“Goodnight you two! Good luck as well, we’ll need it for our last set of exams” you bid your roommates goodnight as you retreat back into your own room.
“Whew! That was exhausting, I’m glad everything is over with because chemistry should be the least of my problems for now” you cheered.
Chaewon groans and runs a hand through her hair in frustration. Yeji was late, and it was because her boyfriend Jeno wanted some alone time with her.
“God if Yeji doesn’t come in like five minutes I’m gonna assume they need their ‘THEM’ time” she huffs. You laugh and just grab Chaewon while giving Karina a call. If Yeji’s getting it, at least someone else can take her place for now, her boyfriend probably needs a lot of relief.
“Karina can come, she’ll be there in like ten. For now, we should order in advance” you say, as you both enter the bakery.
The interior was very cute and minimal, everything was a white marble, be it the racks and tables with a checkered flooring. On the ceiling hung two crystal chandeliers that reflected light causing a blur of rainbows to scatter across the room.
“Wow you were right, this place is adorable Chae! Let’s go order drinks and pick our bread” you squeal and drag her over.
Behind the register, you see a guy with black hair and another guy with light brown hair bickering about something.
“Gyu I swear to fucking God if you—“ the black haired male was cut off after seeing you and Chaewon walking over.
“Go serve the customers first, I’ll be waiting in the back” the burnette smirked, and retreated into the kitchen.
At the counter, the guy greets you with a charming smile, just about charming enough to get you flustered, but you didn’t want to look like a mess right now so you browsed the menu behind him.
“Hi! Welcome to MOA’s! What can I get you two today?” You read his nametag and saw that he was named Yeonjun. ‘He’s charming’ you say to yourself and smile back at him.
“Can we get one fruit and egg tart with a margarita pizza for here please? And for the drinks one caramel machiatto and one americano, both iced with a fruit ade please” Yeonjun punches your orders into the register and looks up at you both again.
“Will that be all?” He asks, and you nod as you hand him your card. Chaewon looked at you almost frazzled, but then noticed that you had caught wind of another guy from behind in the kitchen.
As Yeonjun hands you your card back, you and Chaewon make your way to a table near the window. “So Y/n, I see you noticed the cute baker in the kitchen. Any plans on dating him?” She giggled softly.
You looked at her with a glare and shake your head furiously. No, you definitely weren’t the kind of person to date anyone because you always prioritized your studies more than anything, but the baker was just so cute.
He was tall with blonde hair and had a face that almost resembled a rabbit, and maybe you also couldn’t help but notice that he had really nice hands that kneaded the dough so well. You’d imagine what his hands would do if they were—
“Y/n! Hi Chaewon!” Your thoughts were cut short as Karina entered the bakery and called over to you both excitedly. She was beaming as you made space for her to sit beside you.
“Hi Karina, you look awfully happy for someone that came out of our two hour long exam” Chaewon eyed her suspiciously. Karina only laughed and waved off what she said while staring both of you down.
“My sister called right after and said the hospital she’s working at is accepting part timers! I just came here feeling happy about it” she says excitedly.
You and Chaewon were shocked but also happy for her knowing that having a sister who worked at a hospital had it’s perks too. Karina was really just one of the lucky ones, but everyone starts somewhere.
“Sorry to interrupt ladies but here are your orders! If you need anything else you can just call for me or the other guy behind the counter, the one with light brown hair” Yeonjun placed your orders onto the table and the three of you thanked him politely.
When Yeonjun had finally walked out of earshot, Karina had lowered her voice into a whisper. “This bakery really is cute but oh my god, I never expected the workers to be cute as well” she says in a giddy tone.
You laugh at her and take a piece of the pizza while sipping on your caramel machiatto, Karina still ogling at Yeonjun as Chaewon gave her a disgusted look.
“Come on you two, what happened to putting our studies first? If you date during your freshman year you are going to end up as a receiptionist in scrubs you hear me” Chaewon says sarcastically, but you were too busy staring at the baker who just came out of the kitchen.
He was talking to the two other males behind the counter and sighed. That was when you noticed that he had eyed you up and down too before looking away.
“Y/n? Hello? What the fuck, oh wait it’s that baker” Chaewon says with a huff. Karina giggles and shushes her, noticing how flustered you became all of a sudden.
The two knew you were never one to really talk about guys or wanted to date since highschool, so seeing you all worked up over someone you didn’t know would only make teasing you even worse.
“New motivation to go to class everyday? I know you have evening classes, so maybe I could ask them what time they close” Karina says with a smirk.
“Oh shut up, the baker is just some stupid eye candy you know. I can’t let that go to waste” you try to brush it off, but in reality you two were practically checking each other out without your friends noticing.
On the other hand, Soobin also seems to notice you and how you stared at him from across the room. Opting to check you out because you didn’t look that bad either, and because he needed a break from being in the kitchen since the morning.
“Soobin? Are you alright? Don’t tell me you’re checking out that girl over there with her friends, I was planning to get first dibs because she looked the most interesting” Beomgyu whined.
Yeonjun smacked him in the back of his head and went to go tidy whatever was on the counter until a few more customers would come in, but then he turned towards the two.
“I mean, you’re not wrong. She looks really pretty, but Soobin seems to really put her on edge. They barely even know each other, but you can feel the tension between them, just go talk to her Soob” the older male grins.
Soobin rolls his eyes at the two and notices that Taehyun had also come out from the back to get a breather. Business was definitely a bit slow today, but they did just open so there was no harm in being a bit laid back.
“Are you guys talking about the group of girls over there? We just opened and you’re already ogling at our customers, be more professional” Taehyun says in a stern tone.
“Well I need a girlfriend, the girls in my major aren’t all that so ogling at the bakery respectfully would seem better than to ask out a girl who wouldn’t know how to interact with me” Beomgyu rolls his eyes and drags Taehyun back to the kitchen where he’ll be taking over for Soobin, whilst Hueningkai takes his place at the front.
In the midst of this all happening, you notice the other boys by the counter and rip your eyes off Soobin to focus on what Karina and Chaewon were talking about.
“The food is so good here! I can’t believe they just opened, I’d want to gatekeep this place if I could” Karina gushed. Chaewon nodded in agreement and turned to you, to which you replied with a confused expression.
“Well, we are done. How about we head home so we have more time to relax? I’m sorry if I’m rushing, but I have a show to catch up on” Chaewon blabbered. You laugh at her and nod as you all collect your things.
“See you tomorrow Karina! I’ll call you” you smile and wave as the three of you part ways, you and Chaewon going home together since you were both roommates.
“Alright! Stay safe you two!” Karina then turned and walked towards her apartment, which was about two blocks from the bakery itself.
At home, as you’re studying on the living room floor, you notice Yeji sit on the couch behind you. “I heard from Chae that the pastry maker from the new bakery caught your eye” she joked. You roll your eyes and shake your head at the accusation, like is it not normal to ogle at people once in awhile?
“Trust me, he’s just a sight for sore eyes. It’s nothing personal” you sigh, whilst highlighting a sentence in your book. Yeji huffs and takes a sip from her mug, smirking at you.
“I doubt it, you’re such a nerd Y/n. You already work your ass off at school so why not live a little and date? Come on, this guy is probably just as studious as you are, considering he works at a bakery with his friends” she says matter of factly.
“So working at a bakery that he started with his friends makes him a nerd like me? I’m so impressed Yeji, you should’ve taken criminology to be honest” you reply sarcastically, which earned you a slap in the back of the head.
“Come on, if you’re going by tomorrow at least talk to him. I mean, what do you have to lose? You’re smart, pretty and you’re kind. Not to mention, wasn’t he also checking you out?” You felt your face grow hot, guess you really weren’t that slick after all if Chaewon noticed it too.
Before you could retaliate, the two of you heard soft pattering of feet and a laugh coming from the hallway. It was Chaewon, and it seemed like she’d overheard your conversation through the paper thin walls of the apartment.
“Y/n! You should totally go see him! It’ll do you good I promise” she squealed. Yeji laughed and nodded along with her, it seemed like your roommates were some of the most insufferable people in the entire world.
“If I do it will you guys finally leave me alone?” You say weakly. The other two nodded eagerly with wide eyes and you mentally face palm. If a simple conversation was gonna get them off your tail, then so be it. It’ll be quick and it’s not like it’ll be a routine or anything.
The next morning, you couldn’t be any more wrong. You woke up earlier than you should’ve for your first class of the day, and as you fixed yourself in the mirror, you thought about the baker and why you ended up just mentally thanking your friends for the challenge.
“Good morning Y/n, you seem chipper this morning” Chaewon greets you from the kitchen. You smile shyly at her and look away, which gave off the impression that you maybe were anticipating the morning more than you thought, compared to the night before.
“Looking forward to talking to him now? Seems like a culinary major so maybe you’ll find him easier than you’d think” she continues.
“Yeah, yeah maybe I am a bit excited since he is cute. I bet he has a girlfriend though and I’ll prove you guys wrong” you laugh while Chaewon only gave you a smirk and a scoff.
“When you start dating this guy, I bet you’ll thank us for setting you up like this. Studies can always come second, and who said you can’t multitask?” you bid your goodbye and race to the elevator of your apartment building, sighing from the intense teasing, but before the elevator doors could close, a voice had called over from the end of the hallway.
“Hey! Wait up!” You quickly press the open door button and lo and behold, there stood the exact baker you and Chaewon were just talking about this morning, except he was in a chef outfit. ‘Maybe she was right’ you chuckle.
“Thanks for that— Hey wait, you were with your friends at the bakery yesterday” the tall male recognized you as you nodded back and gave him a friendly smile.
“I’m surprised you even remember me, but I’m even more shocked that you live in the same apartment building” you reply with a laugh. Soobin scratches the back of his neck awkwardly and nods.
“You guys were one of our first customers, so it’s honestly hard to forget since it’s kind of special in a way” the elevator doors open and the two of you walk out, still engaged in a conversation.
“Oh before we do part ways, I’m Y/n! I had plans to head to the bakery later but it seems like your shift won’t start ‘till the afternoon it seems” you say cheekily.
“I’m Soobin, it was nice to meet you. Don’t worry though, I only have one morning class before the others take over for the night, so you will be seeing me right after” Soobin chuckles. Your face heats up so you immediately bid the male goodbye and walk over to your bus.
Microbiology was probably one of the worst classes to ever have in the morning, so a coffee fix for the rest of the day was just what you needed. You offer to buy your other friend Jiwon one too since you needed someone to go with you, just to lessen the effects of being around Soobin at least.
“I’m actually starting to get sick of studying fungi and bacteria all day, can you believe every fucking surface we wipe a swab on has some form of disease” you grimance.
The bell of the bakery chimes and you already see a familiar head of brown hair behind the register. “Hi welcome to MOA’s! What can I get you guys today?” It was still fairly early in the morning, so you guessed that the ones working the morning hours had evening classes just like you.
“One americano and one caramel machiatto, both iced. While we’ll get a breakfast platter please” Beomgyu punches in the order and you hand him your card, once again, to pay. At that exact moment, Soobin had come out of the kitchen to greet you.
“Wait you know her?” Beomgyu suddenly asks. Soobin nods and you greet him back happily, you two had only just met by chance at the elevator of your apartment building.
“She lives in the same building, anyways Y/n this is Beomgyu. Since you’ll be coming here more often, I assume, then you should get to know us” he grins back at you. Beomgyu gave you both puzzled looks but you nod in reply, a grin also plastered onto your face.
“Yeah like she is” Beomgyu muttered under his breath before getting a slap on his shoulder from Soobin in reply.
“Go ahead and find a seat then, your orders will be out in a few” you and Jiwon make your way to a window seat in the corner and take out a few of your notebooks just to go over what was discussed in your lecture.
You write down another important note into your ipad when you hear the clinking of glasses and see another blonde beside your table, you guessed this was the other guy named Taehyun.
“Here you are, tell me how it is before you go by the way! And here’s something from Soobin that he wanted me to give you” he handed you a note and you looked at him confused, then looking over at the counter where you noticed the man as he runs back into the kitchen.
Taehyun walks away as you open the note, your friend Jiwon confused as much as you were. “Oh—? It’s his uh number?” You say in a flustered manner. ‘Let’s get closer! Here’s my number since I’m too shy to actually give it to you :)’ it said.
“Aww! Y/n that’s so cute!” Jiwon squeals as you look away shyly to bring out your phone to type in his number. “Hey, he’s just being friendly don’t be like that!” You deny, but Jiwon wouldn’t let up.
After that day, Soobin had pretty much become a routine part of your life, except that one phonecall after a week of talking to each other. “Y/n?! I didn’t expect you today since you seemed so busy, how was class?” Soobin chuckles from the other line. You smile at his words before replying.
“Well it was pretty ok I guess since we had anatomy, I’m just sad I couldn’t stop by the bakery today because it rained” you reply sadly. You hear the line go silent and hear a few muffled jeers and laughs in the background. ‘Cute’ you thought.
“Don’t mind the guys. Actually, since you called, I wanted to know if you were free this weekend? Taehyun’s taking over for me” Soobin asks.
“I am actually! I don’t really have anything planned right now. What do you have in mind?” You reply a little too enthusiastically. You hear another chuckle on the other line and cover your mouth in embarrassment.
“You’re so cute, let’s go to a café! I don’t want us to feel so lost since it’s our first time hanging out personally” Soobin smiled on the other line before hearing Beomgyu gag from behind him.
“Alright then, text me the time and I’ll put it into my schedule for the week. Bye Soobin! Good luck at work!” The other members all smirked at Soobin and he bids you goodbye as well, this time with reddened ears.
The taller male then turns to his friends who go back to cleaning up before they close the bakery soon. “Yah, it’s nothing. I just made a friend I swear, besides, she lives in our apartment building so it’ll be weird if I didn’t at least make acquaintances with her” he tries to convince them.
“Yeah right, I’d totally ask my cute neighbor out on a date if I were you too. Cut the bullshit Soob, we know you like her” Beomgyu says while laughing. Soobin looks away, they definitely weren’t wrong and even though he did have dreams of becoming a top pastry chef one day, he also couldn’t risk not seeing you again.
“It’s always studies first, but I overheard she’s also one of the top students in her major. You bagged the beauty and brains Soob!” Yeonjun exclaims. Taehyun looks at his friend in confusion as to how he even knew this information, but the older only chuckles in response.
“I got this information from Wooyoung just so you know, he’s pretty close to her other friend Yeji I think” Yeonjun concludes. Soobin sighs and goes to fix the pastry display, he was in for a rough week he supposed.
On your end, your two roommates had also overheard the conversation and squealed just as you ended the call. “He asked you out on a date?! Y/n that’s wonderful!” Chaewon screams, immediately engulfing you into a bear hug.
“Guys it’s just a regular hang out between friends! He’s just our, cute, neighbor and baker you know” you stifle out. Yeji gives you a look of disapproval and flicks your forehead.
“Yeah, yeah. We all know you two are whipped for each other and it’s been two weeks since they opened up, you two will probably make it official before you even start the second date!” She huffs out. You frown, were you really in denial? You wouldn’t know for sure.
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The date (if you could even call it that), came by faster than you could blink and now here you were, standing in front of the mirror, with your makeup done and in a pretty white dress with matching white platforms.
“Why do you look so dolled up? It’s a friendly date isn’t it” Chaewon teases. You turn to her and see her leaning against the doorframe, a soft smile on her face.
“I just wanted to look presentable you know” you squeak out, knowing you were caugh red handed. It was autumn so you had to take your last chance to at least wear something pretty before layering everything.
“Anyways, tell me the details once you’re back! And take A LOT, and I mean a lot, of pictures with him ok? You two look cute together” Chaewon runs away before you could reprimand her, and you suddenly hear your phone ping.
“Y/n! Someone’s at the door for you!” Yeji calls out lovingly. You stiffen, was it really that necessary for your roommate to act embarrassing at the most inconvenient time? You walk out of your room and make eye contact with Soobin from the hallway.
Soobin’s eyes widen at your form, the two of you were wearing matching outfits, both white and looking like you had dressed for the spring instead of the cold autumn weather.
“So?—“ Yeji was cut short as you sprinted and grabbed Soobin’s hand, leading him down the hallway hurriedly with a laugh.
“I’m sorry, my roommates can be a handful sometimes. Now, where are we going?” You grin. Soobin’s ears redden after realizing your hands were still intertwined, but you didn’t seem that bothered so he led you to his car that was parked in the basement.
“Are you planning to kill me?” You joke. Soobin shakes his head and you laugh. “No, no! Just taking you to my car since the café is in the more uptown part of the city. It’s a bit far but I guarantee you’ll like it” he replies in a flustered voice.
“Are you sure you’re not some murderer plotting my demise and you’re secretly taking me to your getaway house with your actual girlfriend” you blurt out. He looks at you in confusion and now it was his turn to laugh.
“I don’t think I’d be here then if I had a girlfriend, trust me, I’m more into my studies and passion than you think. So, consider yourself a special girl” Soobin unintentionally flirts. You hit his shoulder out of habit, but he didn’t seem to mind either as he continued to laugh at you.
“Why’d you ask me out anyway? My other friends are way prettier and way more interesting than me, and don’t think I’m saying that out of pity, I’m just confused since I’ve always had my head buried in books as well” you admit shamefully.
“In all honesty, I just felt an instant connection with you, call it whatever but I’ve never ever felt like this with someone before” the street lights illuminate his face and you thank the gods above that he can’t see your flushed face in the dimness of the light.
“Oh, we’re here by the way. Let me park and don’t get out until I open the door for you” Soobin parks the car at a spot in front of a very comfy but also expensive looking café, before getting out the driver’s seat to open your end.
You get out and thank him bashfully, the two of you heading inside. It didn’t seem too crowded for a weekend, which relieved you a bit since the ambience was much more peaceful this way.
“Good afternoon! Welcome to Nabi’s, what can I get you two today?” The cashier smiles. You turn to Soobin, and he looks at you with another grin, immediately ordering since you weren’t all that familiar with the place.
The cashier punches it in and Soobin pays for everything, leaving you flustered for the upteenth time that day. ‘What a gentleman, and he’s never even had a girlfriend?’ You tell yourself.
“Your orders will be out shortly, you can take a seat and we’ll bring it right over. Have a good one, and here’s your change sir” Soobin gladly takes the change and leads you to the second floor of the café.
Upon stepping into the seating area, you were immediately greeted with a beautiful view of the city. “Soobin this is amazing!” You run over to the seat next to the window, and this causes Soobin’s heart to race. How could you be so endearing even in the smallest aspect?
“It’s nothing, it’s a place I like to go to when I want to be alone, but I brought you here because it’s special to me” he admits while sitting down in front of you.
“Thank you, I feel very special now that I’ve earned enough trust from the Choi Soobin to be able to go to one of his favorite places” you giggle, your stomach full of butterflies from how he treated you.
“Actually Y/n— I have something to say this and I’m afraid it might be too early, but here it goes” you look at him curiously and stay quiet so you could listen to him better. You were always one to make anyone feel heard and comfortable.
“I really like you Y/n, as if it isn’t obvious enough. The day I saw you with your friends at the bakery, something just stood out to me about you, and after getting to know you, it made you a hundred times more attractive to me. It might be a bit early but I wanted to let you know that I’d be willing to wait for you as long as you let me” Soobin says wholeheartedly.
You were shocked, you liked Soobin just as much as he did you, but his confession and sincerity was so out of the blue. Was this guy really sure about not having a girlfriend?
“Soobin, I don’t know what to say. I really like you too! At first I was pretty in denial with my feelings since I didn’t want to end up as a receptionist in scrubs, but you really opened up my heart in a way. No need to wait, I’ll be your girlfriend” you confess as well.
You stare at Soobin and notice his ears turn red while a huge dimpled smile starts to make it’s way onto his face. “You don’t understand how happy you make me Y/n, I won’t disappoint you” he holds your hand from across the table.
The rest of the day went by in a blur, Soobin and you talking for hours on end about everything you missed out on during the first few weeks of getting to know each other, what you guys had in common, and even planning out the second date.
Soobin and you walk through the basement of your apartment together as he takes you home for the night, dreamy smiles on both your faces and hands intertwined with each other’s. It felt magical almost that you’d even met this guy, he came straight out of a fairy tale.
“I had so much fun today, thank you Soobin. I’m happy we’re together now” you say in the elevator. Soobin engulfs you in a hug and nuzzles his face against the crown of your head, you two really did seem like a lovesick couple already.
“Thank you for today as well Y/n, I couldn’t have asked for anything better. Now let’s take you home so you can rest well, even if I don’t want to let you go just yet” he says dreamily.
The elevator dings and you realize that you are already at your floor. You start to feel sad but Soobin still walks you over to your apartment down the hall, the two of you constantly exchanging glances as you get to your door slowly.
“Goodnight Soobin! Thank you again boyfie, I’ll see you tomorrow at the bakery after class?” You quip. Soobin nods and you give him a kiss on the cheek before typing in your door combination.
“Boyfie huh? Goodnight then Y/n, sleep tight baby. I don’t want to let you go” he pouts. You laugh again and give him one last peck, this time on his lips, which caused his eyes to widen again.
“You’ll see me tomorrow! Now rest up you sleepyhead, you always work so hard” after you finish that sentence, you open the door and bid him one last goodbye before he walks away and as you walk into your apartment.
Once the door was closed, you hear the shrieks of your roommates and massage your temples. You were going to be in for it tonight, but at least you finally had the boy of your dreams.
© qyuoza 2022 -. no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any manner without the permission from the publisher.
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aleprouswitch · 6 months
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INTJ Stereotypes Survey
Just for the fun of it. I've seen this going around a few places and decided to throw my answers into the mix. This is a long post, so read under the cut:
Socially Awkward - Yes. Horribly. Even around people I know decently well, I tend to fumble my words and have weird bodily cues. I've been asked on more than one occasion at in-person jobs why I "do that". It's somewhat embarrassing and makes the social awkwardness even worse.
Really Good at One or Two Oddly-Specific Things - Yep. Those two things would probably be writing and music.
STEM Nerd - I wish. I've always been fascinated by science and would have chosen a career in a scientific field had I not been cursed with dyscalculia.
Morbid Fascinations - Hey, only I know the contents of my browser history and I'm going to keep it that way 😏
Lots of Alone Time - Definitely. I wear out easily if I have to be around people or talk on the phone for too long.
Good at School - Yes and no. There was a time in my life when my grades were suffering and that was largely due to depression, and as mentioned, I have dyscalculia so my GPA suffered as an undergrad due to having to repeat so many math courses. Concerning the last math class I had to take in college, I went to the math lab every day for tutoring and to study a week before finals. The final still took me 2 1/2 hours to complete and I was crying throughout. I barely passed the course with a D.
Unemotional - Somewhat, I guess? I have emotions, but they're not dramatic or overexaggerated like a lot of peoples', and definitely not fitting to the female/non-male stereotype.
High IQ - I took the IQ test twice - the first time gave me 123 and the second time gave me 117. I don't think either of those numbers are too shabby.
Very Strong Political Opinions - Hoooo boy, yes. This is doubly so if you get a few drinks in me. I nearly derailed a work party once for ranting about a Conservative coworker's idiotic scare tactic posts about Syrian refugees. So many visibly uncomfortable people.
Very Strong Religious Opinions - Somewhat. I'm mostly agnostic but I'm definitely not a fan of organized religion dictating what others can and can't do with their lives.
Facts Over Feelings - Yes, very much so. The truth is more important than sugar-coating something.
Plans Ahead for Everything - I try to, but we live in a very unpredictable world right now that is centered on temporary fixes and intentional instability. Being a Type A person in a Type B societal system can be tiring.
Very Organized - When it comes to my work spaces, 100% yes. Everything else? I'm a little sloppy because it doesn't concern anything immediate or urgent.
Has an Existential Crisis Like Every Other Day - Hahahahahahaha....that's what a Ni-Fi loop will do to you, kids.
Nihilistic - To a degree, yes. I don't exactly gargle Nietzsche's cum or anything, but we share similar outlooks.
Money Matters - True, although I'm not super stingy like my ISTJ/ESTJ mom is. I allow more wiggle room for (responsible) fun.
Narcissistic - I don't' think I am at all, but an ex-coworker did call me a narcissist in an argument once. I told our manager and she just laughed and said "Dora, he probably doesn't even know what the word means".
Brutally Honest - Yes, and it's cost me a lot of friendships in my life. Once again, I believe in telling the truth even if it hurts.
Not Open With Romantic Feelings - I think this is one way in which I deviate most from the INTJ stereotype. When I have feelings for somebody, I play it cool, but I let the other person know that I'm interested. Having been in a relationship for 11 years, I understand the importance of romantic feelings and try to make time for my partner and I to keep those feelings alive.
Arrogant - I've been accused of being arrogant many times in the past, so maybe I am. Eh.
Black-and-White Thinking/Bad at Accepting Other Opinions - I've struggled with this in the past, but I think I'm getting better at being more open with age.
Never Smiles - I do smile, but only if I feel like it.
Hates Parties - I like parties if it's a small get-together with good friends. I'm not too big on the ones with tons of people, super loud music, drugs everywhere, etc. No ragers for me.
Self-Centered - This is a heated one for me, because my mom always called me self-centered when I was growing up as an insult. I probably am, but it's due to the fact that at times in my life, I've felt like I'm all that I have.
Offensive Memes - Yes, back when I was in my little edgelord phase. God forbid any of those ever resurface.
Aloof - I suppose? I don't know.
Probably Wants to Take Over the World - Nah. I just want to have control over my own life and my immediate surroundings.
Good With Technology - Yes, for the most part.
Good at Math - As mentioned twice before, I have dyscalculia, so no.
Good at Written Communication but Bad at Talking to People - Why the hell do you think I'm on this website so much? I've always asserted that the words I write are much louder than the words I speak.
Bad at Expressing Emotions - I can be, but once again, I think I'm getting better about it with age.
Pessimistic - I consider myself a realist, not a pessimist, although so many people tend to think someone is being pessimistic when they're just seeing the reality of a situation.
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krissyisstudying · 8 months
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How I study while ✨Mentally Ill✨
I have been mentally ill for quite some time now, and I am learning every single day new ways to be able to deal with it so that it doesn't become too much of a hinderance. I have always been very open about the fact that I struggle with depression and anxiety, even with my teachers and tutors, so that they are able to support me in any way that they can. But I need to be able to take accountability for myself. So, over the past couple of years, I have been trying my very best to keep up with my studies no matter my mood or state of mind. Here are some ways I make sure to keep up with my studies
Passive vs Active Study
I understand that I have different energy levels at different times, and that it is sometimes very difficult for me to be able to do much in the way of study. So when I am feeling low, I lean more towards passive study techniques, such as re-reading my notes or my lecture slides, or listen to lecture recordings. When I have more energy, I will focus my efforts more on active studying, such as hand writing summaries of information, actively researching to teach myself more, and working on my assignments.
Increased Rewards
I struggle with motivating myself, however, I am easy to please. I have worked out over the years what I like doing as a reward for studying. I enjoy quality time with my friends, and I like going for walks and feeding the local ducks. Any rewards that cost money, I have to plan well in advance as I am trying to be strict about my spending habits, so going to buy myself a coffee at the end of every study session is unrealistic for me. So I will try and plan to study for a set amount of time, then go spend time with my friends, or go outside for a few minutes and just enjoy the fresh air. But whatever I chose to reward myself with, I make sure I do reward myself often, otherwise I will lose focus on my work too easily as there is no dopamine hit.
To-Do Lists
I love lists. I have lists everywhere through my phone, my notebooks, pinned to my wall. Anywhere I can put a list, I will. And I love to cross things off those lists. I have a checklist of everything I need before I start studying, and being able to cross things off helps improve my mood to then start studying. And knowing that, once I finish my current task, I can cross it off my list, is so motivating to me. I have lists for everything I need to do in the morning, everything I need to do in the evenings, random tasks I want to complete each week. Anything that can be listed, I will.
Accountability Buddy
Study Buddies!!!! I have managed to actually get some friends in on this, too. I have been body doubling for my friends while they study, meaning we all just sit at the same table and do individual study. We have been able to sit there for hours. And then at the end, we have a little celebration about how much work we got done. I've held friends accountable, so they don't finish the study session before they finish writing their assignments, and I know that they would do the same for me (this is a new one I've been trying so no proof yet)
Studying in Public Places
Libraries! Cafes! Dining Hall! Anywhere I can where there are people around but they won’t talk to me is actually amazing. When I am sitting in my room, there is absolutely no pressure to actually get anything done. I can make myself as comfortable as I want, and I can put on whatever music I want, and I can be relaxed. Which does not work when I need to focus. So I will go and sit in libraries, or in cafes, or, because I am in a residential hall this year, I have been sitting in the dining hall. The slight pressure of the people being around means that I am less tempted to scroll through Pinterest for hours, and I am less likely to pick up my phone. This is something that I never thought would work for me as I have always found in the past that I am so hyper-aware of everything around me, that people might be judging me, but I have recently adopted this attitude of "I am me, so what?" and it has changed how I approach public settings, including studying.
Pomodoro Timer
This is another one that I never thought would work for me. I don’t know why, but when I first heard about the pomodoro method, my first thought was “that wouldn’t work for me. I will study in whatever bursts I can and I am able to take reasonable breaks” then I realised that I was lying to myself. I tried the pomodoro method once, and haven’t looked back. I use a 30:8 ratio, which works great for me. I am definitely a reward-driven person. So knowing that after a set amount of time, I can take a break, helps me focus so much more.
Reblog with some of your study techniques What works for you and your friends?
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mysteryshoptls · 2 years
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R Vil Schoenheit School Uniform Personal Story
"My branding"
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[Exterior Hallway]
Vil: Sigh… I can't believe that class let out as late as it did, even though I have to make my way to the lecture hall next.
Vil: They ought to establish time between classes to allow us to touch-up our makeup. Why must we hurry so?
Vil: Mirror, where's my mirror… Alright. My hairstyle is still in place.
Vil: I am still absolutely perfect today.
Pomefiore Student A: Ah, isn't that…
Pomefiore Student B: Vil-sama…! He looks beautiful even in his school uniform.
Vil: …Fufu.
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[Lecture Hall]
Cater: Vil-kun, heyoo~ I saw your Magicam upload yesterday.
Cater: Your presence on there is insane, as always~ As expected, with your five million followers!
Vil: Well of course, Cater, who do you take me for?
Cater: Duh, only the hottest model on the planet! The fairest of them all!
Vil: There you go again, with your honeyed words. Why don't you just not say anything if you're not going to be honest?
Cater: Aw, come on, I was totally talking from the bottom of my heart.
Cater: So, why don't we take a picture together, to preserve just how amazing you look today?
Cater: And then, maybe I'll upload it to Magicam.
Vil: So, you're saying… You want to put a photo of me on your Magicam account?
Cater: Yup. …Can't I?
Vil: No, you cannot.
Cater: Ack, shot down!
Cater: Too bad. I thought if I got Vil-kun in a picture together, my account could go viral too~
Vil: What is the point of reaching for such temporary acclaim?
Vil: An increase in engagement with your account for only a day or two won't change much.
Vil: But well, if you still wish to insist, I could consider it.
Cater: Ooh, then let's do it already ♪
Vil: However, it will not come cheap.
Cater: Eeeh~ C'mon, it's just one pic. We're both third years, going to the same school and all, y'know?
Vil: No. Just as you said earlier, I am a professional model.
Vil: My beauty is worth its weight in gold. Do you understand?
Cater: Gotcha, makes sense. I really can't argue with that.
Cater: I've seen just how much effort you've put into your impressive air of beauty, so.
Vil: Fufu, exactly. The beauty you see before you is the results of so much time and dedication.
Vil: Of course, I'm not speaking of just my face. That includes everything from my style, my hair and my clothes.
Vil: Uploading photos to Magicam is also a part of it.
Vil: I study the current trends and make sure to create a Vil Schoenheit that appeals to all.
Vil: I cannot just freely give this beauty that I've diligently and painstakingly worked for to all the little birds and rabbits that come my way.
Vil: That is my branding.
Vil: Do try to keep that in mind.
Cater: WOOOOAH~~~~~!!
Vil: Wh-What!? Why are you screaming so close to me all of a sudden…!?
Cater: Yo, looking at you so close like this, I'm stunned at how cool you look! Your eyelashes are loooong!
Cater: Maaaybe I'm really feeling the urge to ask you out just now ♪
Vil: Yes, yes. That would cost you far more than just a simple photo, so I hope you're prepared for that.
Cater: Ah, yeah. I bet it would take a ton of time and money just to pick out one present for you if we were dating.
Vil: Well, at least you seem to understand.
Vil: If you cannot handle that, stop speaking nonsense and go and take your seat, already.
Cater: 'Kaaaay.
Vil: Seriously… Nothing is out of place after all that, is it? I need my mirror…
Vil: …Good. Perfect, as always.
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Requested by Anonymous.
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incoming college freshman advice !
Go to class, even if you don't feel like it. This isn't high school anymore where you can drop a class anytime you want.
Don't commit to 8am classes or you'll regret it. It's a waste of time, energy, and you'll have a hard time learning when there are loads of tasks and you have to get up in the morning and run to uni.
Invest in good quality school supplies, even if it costs more than usual. You will spend more buying poor quality things each time it breaks frequently. To find good quality things that you can use for several months or so.
You go to class for attendance and ask questions to your classmates, and go home to study basically everything. Most of the time this is actually what happens. You teach yourself and put all your effort for your own good.
Stay organized and disciplined. Have fun but be serious in studying. Make organized schedules, comply with your tasks right away, ready a syllabus for advanced studying, and have as much sleep as possible. Even if you fail it at times, organizing and discipline will still become a habit.
Connections. Make friends or acquaintances. Networking is very important in college. These are the people who you ask after lectures for other concerns, the people you help and would help you, and the people you study with. Talk to everyone, from your seatmate to your professors, about anything that would help you go on in college. You don't have to be an extrovert, just communicate. However, NEVER JOIN FRATERNITIES, it's useless.
Analyze everyone first before choosing a friend group. If you join a friend circle and they turn out to be 🚩, leave right away or cut them off. They will push you down in college. Join friend groups that don't exhaust or drain you, choose the ones that make your quality of life better. DO NOT TRY TO FIT IN, just be yourself and you'll find your people.
Stand up to bullies. Yes, bullies still exist in college. They, apparently, exist everywhere at any point in life. But unless you want your 4 or more years of college in hell, do not let them disrespect you. If you can fight, fight them to leave you alone. If you can't, find someone who will.
Enjoy your youth. Go to parties, drink, have fun, and all that. But do not be addicted to the point that you prioritize your vices over studying. Sometimes, partying can help you de-stress.
Approach your professors. Ask questions and raise concerns if you have. We have professors that only showed up to class when we approached them, despite not being present for several weeks already. Seek advice if you also need it, but understand that they, too, are busy so weigh their schedules too.
Join organizations, and clubs, and be a student leader if you have the time for it. It's beneficial for your experience as you'll need it for the industry. Plus, you'll meet other seniors that would give you advice and maybe even help you in your subjects.
If you don't have to work, don't. Enjoy your college years and you'll find yourself more focused on it. You can improve much faster.
Be serious on day one and it'll be smooth sailing from there. Do not tell yourself "I will just do great next sem/year/term" repeatedly, start doing great the first day you enter there but do not overdo it. Freshman year will AFFECT your whole college GPA/GWA so take it seriously. Ace your freshman and sophomore year so you'll have a strong foundation for when you take harder classes that will kick your ass later.
Do not tolerate your classmates, profs, or anyone's bad behaviors. They will do it until the end of time if they're not stopped now.
Save money. You'll need it. You will have college classmates who spend a lot because they have a lot of money or are just undisciplined, big spenders. Stay away from them. Have fun but be wary of your money. You don't wanna go broke.
Assess your degree during your freshman year. If you don't like it, save yourself by dropping or shifting majors. It'll be harder to stop when you decided you don't like what you're doing in your senior years.
Before deciding anything from then on, think about it carefully. Always ask yourself if you're sure multiple times. Calmness and wise decision makings are necessary for college. Impulsiveness will lead you nowhere.
Study and think of your possible future career(s) and salaries since day 1 of your freshman year. As you progress, it may change. But it's great to think about your future the moment you enter college.
Get free scholarships when you need them. College will need a lot of financial assistance.
Drop a class when you are loaded already. There are classes that won't be that necessary for your major. If you're not sure, go ask your school counselors for advice.
Find support. From your college friends, your old friends, your professors, family, organizations, pets, and people who you can trust that will help and support your progress. College is a draining point of life for students, that's why help (and asking for it) is necessary.
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Text
Making a new friend. Part 1:
This is a little story of how Barty and Regulus became friends in my headcanon. A muggle AU. So enjoy this cute little story.
Barty's P.O.V:
Barty knew he was a problematic kid. He only caused trouble. His father had made sure to let him know that. Nobody liked Barty. Not even his parents. Barty was sure of that. His parents cared about everything else except for him. 
 When Barty got to Hogwarts, he didn't like any of the pretentious kids that talked about their parents as if they were gods. The kids that bragged about their money and their happy lives and where they traveled to that summer. He decided he didn't want friends. Hogwarts had been the best time for his father. He made lots of friends there. So Barty didn't want anything to do with this school. Barty was planning on getting out as soon as possible. 
Barty had a plan. He needed to cause as much trouble as he could. He didn't study. He didn't make any effort. Barty wondered how much it would take the authorities to call his father. And what would Bartemius Crouch say? 
 But nothing ever happened. It was the end of November. Barty couldn't resist any more. What was worse was that Mr. Binns, the History teacher, had given them an oral presentation. Barty hated talking in public. He wasn't his father. 
 "And this assignment will be in pairs. So pick up your partner quickly"
 Barty panicked. He didn't have any friends. He would have to work on his own. So he didn't move from his seat. 
 "Very well..." The professor said after a while, looking around through his glasses "Almost everyone is paired up. Except for you two" he pointed at Barty and someone else.... Regulus Black. 
 Regulus was one of Barty's roommates. He knew exactly who this kid was. Barty’s father wanted Barty to befriend the "best kids", children of the most important families. Like the Blacks, for example. So Barty had been avoiding him at all costs. 
"Why don't you work together?" The professor added. 
 "I rather work on my own!" Barty responded immediately. He felt his cheeks on fire. He didn't know why. 
 "I... Me too..." Regulus said.
 Barty gave him a quick glance. Regulus was blinking to the floor. 
 "I am sorry, gentlemen. But this particular assignment needs to be in pairs.  It would be a lot of work for one person... Why don't you make an effort, eh?" 
 Mr. Binns gave them a soft smile. Which was odd. That man was more dead than alive. 
"I am sure you can become great friends"
 Barty sighed. He dared to look at Regulus. And he discovered the boy had his gray eyes on him. So Barty looked away immediately. Regulus did the same. They both blushed. 
 "Come on!" Mr. Binns continued "You have the resting fifteen minutes to begin working..." as the class broke into a loud chaos, he added "In silence, please"
 Barty was not going towards Regulus. So he crossed his arms. Regulus sighed before picking up his things and walking towards Barty. He sat down next to him. 
 Regulus wasn't like the idiots that bragged about their families and money. Actually, Regulus never spoke. He was a weird kid that lived mostly in his world. Barty thought he would be different, for what he had heard about The Blacks. He had seen Sirius around. He was loud and open. Regulus was the contrary.
 Barty decided to play with his pen between his fingers. Regulus began playing with his sweater sleeves. Barty noticed his uniform was perfect and brand new. 
"So..." Regulus began nervously, looking down "How are we gonna divide the work?"
Barty shrugged. 
 "However you want"
 Regulus blinked.
 “Should we start reading on our own?” he asked, opening his book. 
Barthy shrugged again.
 “Whatever”
 Regulus looked at him. 
 "Do you actually care about homework?"
 Barty shook his head "No. I won't be here long, Regulus"
 "Well... Where are you going? Because we need to work on the assignment..."
 Barty almost laughed.
 "No! I mean I will leave Hogwarts soon"
 "Why?"
 "I don't like being here"
 Regulus sighed "Me neither. It is not as cool as Sirius said. Hogwarts is just a regular school"
 Barty was silent. He really didn’t want to have a conversation with this kid.
 “I cannot make friends…” he continued anyway “Sirius said it would be easy”
 Barty realized he had been observing Regulus only when the latter noticed. Regulus looked away, perhaps embarrassed about what he just said. Barty looked away as well. 
“People here are stupid, Regulus. Maybe you are better off without friends. Trust me”
Regulus searched for Barty’s eyes for some reason. Barty tried his best not to look at him.
“That’s why you don’t have friends either?”
“I do have friends!” Barty replied immediately.
Regulus looked at him upside down.
“I haven’t seen you with anyone”
“I…” Barty didn’t know what to say. He wished Regulus would stop talking. “I prefer to be on my own” he crossed his arms as he finished.
“Okay…” Regulus finally shrugged, now ignoring Barty. He began reading. 
Barty was intrigued about this kid. He was supposed to brag, be cocky and be annoying. He was part of one of the most rich and important families in the UK. But Regulus was quiet. Regulus was responsible. Regulus obeyed. Regulus was invisible. 
Barty felt intrigued about this matter. Regulus was like a tired old man in a kid’s body. 
“I thought you hung out with those kids…” Barty didn’t know why he was speaking “The second-years… Your brother and his friends”
Regulus shrugged but continued reading. Barty thought he would never answer but then Regulus said:
“Those are Sirius’ friends not mine. They let me hang out with them out of pity”
Regulus had his chin buried in his arms. He looked like a lost puppy. 
“Maybe… Maybe you should do like me and get out of here”
Regulus’ mouth twisted. It looked like a smile. 
Barty sighed and opened his book. He was only doing it so that Regulus would stop being sad. It was painful to watch. 
“So, Regulus…” Barty began, clearing his throat “Can you explain all of this to me?” he asked “Because I have no bloody idea of what we’ve been studying in this class”
That made Regulus giggle. Barty tried not to smile.
“Of course” Regulus said, grabbing Barty’s book “But it would take us a lot of time”
 
***********************************
Barty would obviously deny this. But he didn’t end up irritated with Regulus. Actually the kid agreed with everything he said. Except when Barty wanted to break the rules. It was kind of comforting to be with him. 
 Barty actually didn’t mind about the assignment, because Regulus’ explanation made it look so easy. So they ended up working in silence for the rest of the class. And they met up at the Slytherin Common Room to finish the rest. 
 Regulus didn’t ask Barty any questions, they just focused on doing the assignment. 
 When they were done, Barty had the sensation that he needed to say something. Maybe thank him. Maybe shake hands. Maybe say “Good night” or something. But it was odd because they shared a dorm. So Barty didn’t do anything. 
 “I… I am gonna go and sleep, Bartemius” Regulus said instead, standing up and picking his things.
 “It’s Barty!” 
 Barty hated to have the same name as his father. Was he so self centered that he couldn’t pick another name? Besides, Barty didn’t like his father. He never spoke to him, only to scold him about something. He wasn’t like the fathers Barty had seen in the T.V., loving and caring. 
 Regulus looked at him.
 “Oh… okay”
 Barty swallowed “Should I call you Regulus or do you have another nickname?”
 Regulus seemed a bit surprised about this question. To be fair, Barty was surprised as well. 
 Regulus shrugged “Everyone calls me Regulus. Except for Sirius that calls me Reggie. But I’ve told him I don’t like it” he shook his head to emphasize it.
 Barty played with his hands as he said this:
 “What about Reg?”
 Regulus moved his eyes as if he was overthinking the question. 
 “That doesn’t sound like I am a baby”
 “No” Barty nodded “It actually sounds sophisticated, yeah?”
 Regulus smiled embarrassed.
 “Sounds cool!” Regulus picked up his things and waved “Bye Barty”
 “Bye Reg” Barty answered “I’ll see you in a bit. We actually sleep in the same room”
 Regulus giggled as he blushed. 
 “Right” he said, walking away “See you in a bit then”
 Barty realized he was smiling after Regulus crossed the dormitory door. And he hated that. So he stopped. 
 
*****************************************
  The morning of the oral presentation, Barty was very nervous. For the first time in his Hogwarts life, he cared about an assignment. He had prepared himself, and he knew about the subject. 
 Maybe it was the fact that History wasn’t that bad, only Professor Binns made it utterly boring. Or perhaps it had to do with the fact that Barty liked Regulus. And Regulus cared about doing well in school. And Regulus liked History. But Barty was never gonna admit it. 
 It was just that… Regulus wasn’t annoying like the rest. It wasn’t Regulus’ fault that this school sucked. It wasn’t Regulus' fault that the rest of the kids were stupid. It wasn’t Regulus’ fault that Barty wanted to bother his father at all costs and ruin his career. None of this was Regulus’ fault. Perhaps he was a victim. Just like Barty was. 
 But he couldn’t like Regulus. He couldn’t be his friend. Barty was leaving this school soon. So what was the point?
 That morning, Barty discovered that Regulus wasn’t in his bed when he woke up. Barty almost reached the Great Hall, expecting to see Regulus there. Perhaps he wouldn’t eat by himself this time. But he stopped before he entered as he heard something. 
“Regulus is such a petty baby… He is kind of weird, right? Not like the rest of The Blacks”
 Barty stopped on his tracks. He reckoned the group of boys speaking were fourth-years or something. Actually he had no idea who they were. But they sounded mean. And why were they talking about Regulus?
 “It’s just that I’ve heard so many stories about The Black Family, that when I heard a new generation was coming… I expected something better…”
 The boy’s friends laughed at his words. But they caused something different in Barty: fury. 
 “When I was a first-year, The Black Sisters weren’t not only very pretty, but they were popular and imposing. But now…” he shook his head “Sirius is a beast that doesn’t know his place, hangs out with the wrong people…”
 Barty didn’t know Sirius well. But he didn’t seem like a bad guy. Besides, he was Regulus’ brother. And Regulus spoke about him every two minutes. So he must’ve liked him. Barty didn’t know, he didn’t have any siblings. 
 “And Regulus…” Barty’s ear listened carefully “Regulus is so weird and shy… Not proper for a Black… He doesn’t seem to be from that family…I’ve heard something… Something about his brain…” he giggled  “That he is retarded or something” and the others laughed. 
 That was enough for Barty. He was a little reckless and raw. Sometimes he didn’t think before doing something. His parents never taught him to be delicate. So he walked up to these boys and kicked the one that was speaking on the crotch. 
 The boy bent down and groaned in pain. Barty was going to run away but the boy’s friends grabbed him. Barty struggled to get away, he wanted to yell but someone was covering his mouth. 
 “Now now, little boy,” the boy in pain said, “I don’t know who you are but you are gonna learn who I am… And you’re gonna learn that nobody messes up with me… Do you understand?
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weirdsht · 2 years
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Affiance - Alberu Crossman x Reader
a/n: vent fic because the vaccine made my parents more protective than usual, but me understands. Also i think i'm better off with 3rd person's pov
Tags: female reader, ill reader, established relationship, vent fic, implied child reader and alberu except at the end, mentions of death
English isn’t my first language so there will be grammatical errors
Pls don't repost my work anywhere without my permission
If there's something missing in the warnings let me know so I can add it
Any form of interaction toward the post is appreciated <333
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Like any other good crown prince, Alberu also has someone he has been betrothed to since he was young. ___, the daughter of one of the most influential dukes in the kingdom was a good fiance, and is just a good person overall.
Alberu Crossman would’ve worried about his secret leaking if his fiance wasn’t personally handpicked by his mother. The half dark elf made sure to engage her son with someone she knows she can trust, someone who knows and holds their secret dearly. A family that is friendly with their kind, the outcasted dark elves.
The two luckily got along well. Their time was filled with mostly rainbows and butterflies, pretty teacups and flowers, just good things. As they spend more time together their feelings for each other also grow deeper. From merely acquaintances who were betrothed to childhood lovers that break rules just to have fun.
Everything was supposedly picture perfect.
Money, name, power, love. The young couple almost had everything. But there is one factor that prevents them from being the picturesque that exist in novels and fairy tales.
___ was chronically ill. 
Thankfully, even if there’s no cure it’s manageable and the princess mostly lived a normal noble life like a normal child. She was able to play, study, and overall live like any other kid who’s tied with royalty.
But of course there were still restrictions.
Although the Duchess and Duke tried their best for her to not get sick it’s not completely unavoidable. Thanks to their efforts though the crown princess rarely gets sick. But on the rare chance she does, it’s always the most pitiful thing to watch.
Wheezing in pain, unable to sleep, mages and saint’s have to constantly watch over her until she fully recovers, the poor child is always on the verge of death with every fever she experiences. Young Alberu was always beside every time it happened too. Playing nurse while trying not to stay strong for her as he needs to be her rock.
The dukedom is really protective of its one and only princess. Lot’s of restrictions are implemented. An even stricter schedule than normal is followed. Escorts everywhere.
The young girl understands it’s all for her. She’s mature enough to realize that they are just concerned for her well being. But that doesn’t make the whole thing less suffocating.
“Princess you must follow your schedule thoroughly”
“Honey you know you can only eat those once a month, just wait for a few weeks more okay?”
“My lady please don’t go anywhere without at least one of us behind you.”
“Dear daughter, this is for you. We just want you to live a happy and healthy life”
But she wasn’t happy. Well not mostly. Good thing she has a cheat code in the form of Alberu Crossman. The only one who gets how she feels. The one who offers her a little bit of a fresh breath no matter the cost.
“You don’t have to do this all the time, you know that right?”
“I know but I don't do it because I have to, I do it because I love you!”
Alberu says it 
Everyone can see how much the couple truly love and care for each other. Their parent’s couldn’t have been more proud. Sure there it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows but they’ll make sure that these two children will be able to get past the hurdles they’ll face. Alberu’s mom especially made sure of this.
“Remember my son, this is a precious thing. Only use it when you have no other choice, and make sure that you won’t regret using it. I know it’s tempting to use it right now, but no. Not when there’s still hope of finding a cure.”
Star of healing, probably the most precious thing Alberu received from his mother was also her parting gift to him. Till the end she had the two children in mind even when she can feel she doesn’t have long.
Alberu made sure to listen to his mother. He kept the ancient power he received from everyone except his fiance.
“Of course I understand silly! Even if auntie didn’t say that I still would’ve prevented you from using it on me.”
Flexing her arms as if to show how strong she was, the young couple agreed and laughed. With the prince still promising that if she gets worse he’ll use the power on his princess.
But no one is ever certain of the future. Even the most powerful clairvoyant cannot be sure of what will actually happen when it comes to the future as any little change has a big impact.
Hence why Alberu is now stressed out in his room unsure of what to do as the person he trusts the most listens and watches as he paces back and forth.
“I, I’m unsure of what to do love. I don’t even know how he got wind that I have that ancient power. On one hand yes he's right, I need him to keep the other two in line but still this power is for you and only you.”
Yes, Alberu has always been ___’s rock, the pillar that supports her and made her look forward to tomorrow. That’s why, that’s why she has to do the same for him even if what she’s about to say can hurt them both. 
She has to convince him no matter how unstable the future is. Even if in the hereafter her decisions become her downfall.
Because that’s what you do when you love someone.
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stopisa · 2 years
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worse before it gets better ch.1
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[ ushijima wakatoshi x reader ]
summary - everything was going great but all it takes is one day to ruin it all. trust lost in love struggles to heal.
• cw: suggestive and foul language, cheating
• a/n: finally uploading this baddie! this is my first multi-chapter fic so ofc it had to be my main boy ushi. this is a slow burn fic so give the romance and smut time, it will come! also, a big shoutout to @kazuha-fuck-me-please for beta reading, thank you!
• pls give this love on ao3
• chapter 2
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“Pieces of shit,” you mumble to yourself as your eyes skim over the email for what may be the 10th time. The library job you had on campus let you go due to making room in the budget for renovations but the email made it out to be way worse. Claiming that, “we are too overstaffed” and that you showed “more interest in other obligations besides the betterment of the library”. Yeah no shit, you had a scholarship to maintain and a relationship you’d really like to keep. Who knew a campus job would expect that level of commitment? 
Sure there were days where you had to cancel shifts when the workload from your courses would get to be too much, but at the very least you’d let your boss know no less than 24 hours in advance if you couldn’t work. 
There goes the extra money you so desperately relied on for off-campus food, savings, and textbooks. School isn’t cheap, and your worst fear besides failing is having financial insecurity after graduating.  
The feeling was finally settling in that you’d need to look for another job to help cover the costs that you told your parent(s) you could handle, establishing some kind of financial independence. 
On top of that, one of your courses was absolutely kicking your ass, especially after scoring a 71 on your first paper of the semester. With all of these emotions piling up, your mind is so overwhelmed that it felt like it could burst any minute. A strong gust of wind pulls away the tears that were forming at the corners of your eyes.
So much for having a good Friday. 
Burying your face into your scarf, you pick up your pace, quickly walking towards your boyfriend’s dorm. 
Upon arriving at his door with a tag that reads “Eita”, you softly knock and step back, waiting for him to answer. There are two muffled voices, you can hear his voice get louder as he approaches the door. Opening it, he greets you with a soft smile, “Hey pretty girl,” noticing your red, puffy eyes, he steps aside for you to walk in. “What’s wrong?” Silently walking past him, removing your shoes, coat, scarf, and bag before throwing yourself onto his bed. 
“Shitty day?”  chimes in Tendou, slouching in the beanbag by Semi’s desk. 
“How could you tell?” you mumble sarcastically as you keep your face buried in the pillow.
Semi hums as he closes the door behind him, walking to join you on the bed. Sitting on the edge by your feet, he rests a hand on your leg. 
“Talk to me.” He says with a voice smooth like honey.
You shift your body to face him, “Stupid fucking philosophy professor gave me a 71, claiming that I was “too brief” on my analysis of Nihilism and I also have no job now.”
Semi’s eyebrows raise, “Geez, I’m sorry, babe,” He shifts his eyes to Tendou before shifting them back to you, “Anyway I can help?”
Now in a sitting position, you pull your legs to your chest and let out a deep sigh, “No no, it’s fine. I’ll just have to look for another job but, at this point in the semester, I'm sure all the work study jobs are taken.”
Taking a hit from his dab pen, Tendou slowly blows the smoke before clearing his throat to speak, “I would offer for you to come work at the bakery down the road with me but they’re only looking for full-time people.”
“Thanks, but my schedule definitely wouldn’t work with that,” you reply.
Semi rubs his chin and proceeds to think out loud,  “Yeah and the bar that I play at won’t hire anyone under 21. So that’s not an option.” 
“Guys, seriously - yeah the situation sucks, but I’m sure I’ll get over it. In college, there’s always a way to make money.”
“Drugs?!” 
“OnlyFans?!” 
They yell in unison. Their answers make you giggle, making you feel just a little less shitty than before you entered the room.
“I’m not completely opposed to either of those ideas,” you play along.
“Ahhhh, y/n, c’mon, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?” “ whines Semi.
“I’m joking, I won’t. After all, I have a reputation to maintain.”
Sighing in relief, Semi scoots back, resting his body against the wall. Tilting his head up, his mind starts to wander while you and Tendou continue the conversation. He will admit that starting an OnlyFans and seeing you in the most intimate way on camera does sound kinda hot. But that won’t be happening anytime soon considering you two haven’t even gone as far as making out and dry humping. It was getting a bit old at this point.
“Hey Semi-Sem,” Tendou interrupts his roommate’s little fantasy; Semi really hopes the blue LED lights in their room don’t reveal the growing redness in his face.
“I’m gonna go meet up with some other friends in the dining hall, I’ll see you later tonight.” He gets up, walking over to the bed to give you a light fist bump, “Let me know if you’re still down to start your own little narcotics business.” He winks before walking out the door.
Semi shifts to lie next to you, wiggling until his head is in your lap. “You’re not serious about the drugs or OnlyFans, right?” he mumbles.
You snort, “God no, Ei. I told you how I was raised. Curfew was always 8 pm, parent(s) always had to know everything about my friends if I ever wanted to hang out with them. Hell, I didn’t even have my first kiss until my freshman year of college. What makes you think I would actually do either of those?”
“‘Dunno. You already know how normalized that shit is.” He closes his eyes while you run your fingers through his hair. 
“Just because it’s normalized doesn’t mean I’ll do it.”
“We’ve been dating for 5 months and haven’t even had sex yet.”
“I know, I know…Just don’t pressure me into it yet. I’ll come around eventually.”
“I won’t. Just putting it out there,” he replies.
He was right. Anytime you two would get into deep make-out sessions, he’d always try to further things with you, but every time you would back out. It’s not that you weren’t comfortable with him, you just weren’t confident in your abilities overall. You know Semi has had his fair share of girlfriends, him being a part-time musician and all. You totally understand why. Who wouldn’t throw themselves at a hot guy with a septum piercing that plays guitar?
“Well, I have a big assignment to finish for my music tech class. You’re welcome to stay here and take all the time you need.” Semi says as he removes his head from your lap and hops off the bed. 
Surprised by the change in subject, your eyes shift down to your lap, “Thank you, but it’s the weekend, I thought we could go out tonight and maybe see a movie. Could you do it tomorrow?” you hesitantly ask in hopes he would make just a little bit of time for you.
“Sorry, babe. It’s due at 11:59pm, plus you know I like to have Saturdays free for rehearsing. Raincheck for next week?”
You sigh in defeat, the outing with him would’ve really helped get your mind off the stress eating away at your brain. Settling on closing your eyes for a couple of minutes, you lie down on your side, facing the wall, and let the soft clicks of the keyboard fade away.
A few minutes turned into 2 hours of napping. You wake up to Semi still typing away. Picking up your phone, you check the time only to see it’s almost 9pm. Deciding on heading back to your dorm, you sit up and slide off the bed, making your way over to Semi. 
Draping your arms over his shoulders, you lean down to peck his cheek. 
“I think I’m gonna head out. Let me know if your schedule ever frees up.” Allowing the tiniest bit of bitterness to slip into your tone. 
“Alright babe, sounds good,” he replies, not even looking up from his computer.
You quickly lay a peck on his head before removing yourself, getting your stuff, and leaving.
Leaving Semi’s dorm building you’re hit with a cold gust of wind, you pull your jacket closer to your body and quicken your pace as you trek across campus towards your dorm building. From the corner of your eye, you see a tall figure jogging. As they pass, you recognize it’s Tendou’s good friend Ushijiko? Ushijimu? Ushijima? Yeah, that sounds about right. You’ve seen him a handful of times by Tendou’s side, only exchanging a “Hello” or an “I’m Fine” when you’ve greeted him, a man of very few words you suppose. Tendou has also mentioned that the individual is always occupied with volleyball practice and conditioning which also explains why you don’t see him a lot. Jogging past you, you can’t help but have your gaze linger for a bit too long admiring his physique despite the loose tracksuit he sports. 
You attempt to shake the thought from your head, reminding yourself of the happy relationship your in. Mostly happy. Kinda happy. 
After 15 minutes of walking, you arrive at your dorm building, warmth embracing you as soon as your body gets under the mountain of blankets on your bed. You pull out your phone, checking for any notifications. Nothing. You hesitate as to whether or not you send Semi a goodnight message. Deciding not to bother him, you set your phone on the nightstand, turning over onto your side and allowing the warm yellow glow of the fairy lights on the walls to lull you to sleep, putting the frustration of the day behind you. 
Zzzt. Zzzt. Zzzt. The buzzing of your phone wakes you up, seeing the name “Tendou” on the screen you swipe to pick up.
“Hello?” you say with sleep in your voice.
An energetic tone on the other end replies, “Hey! Mornin’ sleepy head, wanna grab some breakfast?”
The digital clock on your desk reads “9:12 am”, damn, almost slept 12 hours. 
“Yeah, sure, gimme like 20 minutes?”
“Of course! I’ll meet you downstairs in front of your building.”
Walking outside, the sun meets your eyes like a blinding light, but the mix with the cool air makes it pleasant. 
“You ready?” Tendou says getting up from the bench next to the entrance.
You nod and proceed to walk with him a few blocks to the bakery cafe he works at.
The smell of warm, fresh croissants and ground coffee hit your nose and it leaves you in a trance. Putting your orders in at the register, Tendou quickly pulls out his wallet to pay, insisting it’s “on him”. Not complaining about free off-campus food, you allow him to.
“Um, thank you. I really appreciate it but what’s the occasion?” you question.
“Let’s just enjoy our breakfast.” he replies with upturned eyebrows, a tinge of worry in his eyes.
Finishing your delicious meal, you clear your throat to get Tendou’s attention as he licks the residue from the chocolate croissant off his fingers. 
“So, it seems like you wanted to talk about something,”
He perks up and shifts in his seat, looking down at the table, fingers fidgeting. “There was another girl in our room last night. I recognized her from Semi’s music tech class,”
A chill goes down your spine and your eyes go wide. But trying to remain positive you refrain from thinking the worst.
He glances at your face and purses his lips, taking a moment before speaking again.
“He said that he invited her over to work on the assignment that was due last night cause she needed help. Didn’t think much of it ‘til I went to go throw something away and saw a used condom in the trash. I called bullshit immediately.” 
It was worse than you thought. You begin to feel tears prick at your eyes. Throat goes dry and lips quiver, you can’t help but let a few tears run down your face.
“Fuck..ah, I’m sorry, look you had the right to know, that shit isn’t cool. I didn’t wanna start anything at that moment but I’ll make sure that fucker knows what he did, I swear𑁋”
“It’s okay, Tendou. Thank you for telling me. It might not seem like it but your honesty is helping more than anything right now.” You respond while wiping some tears with the sleeve of your jacket.
He gives you a soft smile and stands up, offering you his arm, “C’mon, let's get out of here.”
While walking your mind is racing, sure the relationship wasn’t particularly long but it still meant something to you. You just can’t fathom the fact that he didn’t feel the same. How long had it been? Why didn’t he just tell you? From yesterday until now, why had everything just been going downhill? Anger fills you, tuning out Tendou’s one-sided conversation. 
“I need to talk to him,” you say aloud.
Tendou perks up, “Maybe you should wait ‘til you have a clear head. Take some time.”
You look at him with rage in your eyes, “No. Why should I give him any kind of courtesy? He fucked me over. I cared about him, Tendou. Fuck. I actually thought experiencing something new would fucking go well. I wanted it to work. If he wanted to fuck some other bitch he should’ve just said so. God, why am I so fucking stupid?!” 
Tendou opens his mouth to say something but closes it. He places a hand on your shoulder, and leads you into your building, the silence in the elevator felt like sirens. Your shaking hands made it difficult to insert your keycard, missing the reader 3 times. Tendou took the card from your hand and did it for you. 
You walk into the room, eyes on the ground, then lift your head to meet his face,  “Breakfast was great, thank you for being a friend.”
In response, he wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back and ruffling your hair. “Anytime, buddy. If you need anything, please feel free to message me whenever. I’m sorry this shit happened to you, I’m gonna try to avoid Semi for the rest of the weekend, probably go hang out in Ushijima’s room.”
Right, you had forgotten for a second that he was best friends with the athlete. You give him a nod, “Have fun with that. I’ll message you when I decide to talk to him.”
“Sounds good. Just remember to be the bigger person, don’t stoop down to his level. I’ll see ya around, okay?” He opens the door to step out. 
“Okay.” You two exchange a fist bump before he walks down the hall.
Closing the door, you take in a deep breath and change out of your clothes, getting comfy with sweatpants and fuzzy socks. You grab your laptop and some snacks, making your way into your bed and setting up for an anime marathon. 
Halfway through your first episode, there’s a knock at your door. Frustrated by the interruption, you slide out of your bed, making your way to the door. You open it to reveal Semi’s face with a lopsided smile. Your stomach drops.
“Hey, gorgeous.”
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networks: @enchantedforest-network @bitchcraftinc
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gayreligousfallout · 8 months
Text
Unless you're up for some barely coherent unedited thoughts, feel free to ignore.
TW for religious trauma and light homophobia
Do things need to be the way they are? We made everything up. We made up what is and isn't a family. We made up what is and isn't a job. Money, language, gender, community, church, government, religion, nations, borders...
I mean it's all just made up right? So what if why does it feel so viscerally wrong for things to change. I want to shout to the void without scaring my friends so I made this account.
The good we have right now won't last. I never had lasted in the past and it won't start lasting now. In a way that's what makes it special. The beauty of the finite. I want to enjoy this because one day, before I'm ready and without my consent, it will end and it will hurt. I know that. So if the hurt is coming, I might as well enjoy it as much as possible until the hurt gets here.
I love my job, I get to make a safe loving community for people who have been cast out of their family and church because of their gender identity, sexuality, or romantic attractions or lack there of. I get to run D&D games for them, cook them dinners, listen to them share their emotions, fears, hopes, and jokes. I get to meet over coffee and sandwiches. I write lessons for them about how to heal, build relationships, and communicate with others. And I don't have to ask them for anything in return. I just get to help them. They mean so much to me. They are my best friends and I love them.
But the money is drying up. The people supporting my work will eventually find out that my great Christian missionary journey has changed from religious fundamentalism and Evangelical nationalism into loving queer people and giving them permission (that they shouldn't need) to question the bible and God.
My wife's job is grinding her into the dust and she needs to leave, but I can't support us. Hell I can't even support myself with the money the mission agency sends. I might have to get another job. Go back to writing code to make ends meet at the cost of my mental health, joy, and all my time that I could be using to help my friends.
I don't want to work for myself. I don't want nice things, I just want to help my friends. I want to love them as well as I can. To show them that love is worth trusting and that they deserve to be loved. But I have to provide for my wife and myself. We have to eat, pay for our roof, and get medicine.
Sometimes I wonder if I could run this whole thing by myself. My coworkers are even more pressed by life to find new jobs than I am. But I don't know how to run a non-profit.im awful at paperwork and administrative tasks. I don't want to have all that authority and power. That's how/why pastors become insane control freaks who sexually assault their members, shame them into hiding, and steal their money.
Is it possible to do this without structure. Is it possible to just be a group of friends without any formal documents and legal recognition? It has to be. That's how it must be in other nations.
I don't want to stop doing this, I don't want to get another job, I don't want my community to disband. But it will I think. It will all end. Even if we make it 10 more years somehow. I'll get too old. People tell me it's possible to stay young and keep doing this work, but I've never seen those people stay young and do it.
I asked where all the 40 year olds were before I started. The pastor handwaved away the questions and promised it was a lifelong career. Well he had the system rigged in his favor and was lying through his teeth.
The system is rigged in my favour to I guess. I feel bad for taking people's money and using it to do what I do. They want some holy warrior to stem the tide of the culture war for Jesus and America. They want me to "fix" gay kids as if there was anything wrong with them. But still they give me money and I take it under false pretenses.
They pay me to study the bible, Christian tradition, Jewish history, 2nd temple writings, rabbinic discourse, church debates, theological nuances, Hebrew, Aramaic, Greek.
Well the deeper you look the less certain things are. The closer I look the more I see the scared, hurting, imperfect people who wrote these letters, poems, and court documents. I don't see a grand plan designed and orchestrated by an all seeing all knowing God, I see what may be a god of limited power interacting with a people group and struggling with their own emotions or it may also be a people group rationalizing their own struggle and success through a god. I've done that more times than I can count.
I think I still have faith, but it's not what it was. It's a softer, kinder, less sure, but more welcoming faith. Maybe that disqualifies me. I don't know. But I love my friends. And they love me. If I deserve to be cast out of Christianity at least I'll get to be cast out with them. If I am cast out of gods grace at least I'll be cast out with them.
I'm not going to give up trying to keep my work going, but I also want to give up the idea that if it ends I will have failed. All things end. That doesn't make everything a failure.
god if you're out there, my people are hurting because of "your people". Please do something.
I can't imagine why someone would read this but if you did, thanks for witnessing me and my life, my anxiety & peace, my hope & hopelessness, & my processing.
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khodorkovskaya · 11 months
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07.06.23
so okay, i feel like a terrible friend. and i know it's not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and i have lots of other things i should be worried about. but like...
first of all i can't make it to my bestie's birthday this year bc im going to skating camp and instead of feeling bad about it, i feel... relieved..? bc i really hated her birthday last year, i spent over 500 pounds on it and we were in this house in the middle of nowhere next to durham and i was bored out of my mind. and this year she said that she wants to go either to crete or west of england. and going to crete is hella expensive. and going to england is hella expensive too honestly with all the trains i'll have to take to get there. and i know that im not gonna have fun.... and i feel terrible about it...
i thought about that a lot and now ive finally calmed down. but! my manchester bestie came to visit this week and i feel even worse...
so she got married in april and i was one of the first people she told about it like she called me and everything. and i promised to buy her a wedding present. and i didn't... and to be fair i don't really approve of the wedding cos it was for papers for her bf. and they've been together 5 years and they love each other and they would've got married in a couple of years anyway. but like... she's so youngggg and going thru with so much commitment for a man??? idk
and all of this leaves me feeling like im super judgmental. cos it's not my place to judge, right? and technically speaking my manchester bestie is much further ahead of me in life, right? like she moved out straight out of high school, so now she's like super independent and she's doing a phd now and she plans out her own life. and she looks really good too and she has lots of hobbies. like she seems to be doing really well. and whenever i judge people's decisions, i feel like i project too much. like if i were getting married now at the state that im at, that would be a bad decision. but now for her it's not ?????
and at the same time, i have to admit that i find it frustrating that some people have it so easy. she could choose whichever university in the world to go to after high school! like imagine having that priviledge! just like "yeah, manchester would be a good fit for me" BAM *moves to manchester*. "i really like animals :)" BAM *studies zoology in manchester*
like idk how to describe it. it's not just the money that's the issue, it's the bliss. the bliss of being like "my career? yeah, i like animals, im gonna go study them". like i could never... i love dinosaurs for sure, but i would never be able to do a phd about them bc as fascinating as it sounds, i just... can't take that seriously...? idk if im being elitist but like. especially when her degree and her living in a different country costs so much like.. idk how to explain it guys. do you get what im saying?
like out of high school i felt like the only choice i had was economics or management cos that's a serious subject that could get me a serious job. that's what us mortals do. and when i decided to do maths i was already reaching it. like now my parents are like "you wasted 4 of your years doing something that gave you no skills and was essentially useless. how about you do an accounting course now in order to catch up on everything you've missed out on? time to get back to the real world!" (plus my uni education was free but like imagine if my parents were paying thousands for me to study some obscure degree?)
and now again, it's her bliss that drives me insane. "oh my bf needs a visa? let's get married, i love him anyway" likeeee can you imagine that? like not ever thinking about the consequences?
idk, i feel like im in the wrong. bc some people just do whatever without thinking twice and it works out for them and they're happy. and im overcomplicating things. or maybe my life is just overall more complicated bc we're poor. like i can't just go to another country and marry the first guy who comes my way, you know?
and we were talking about kids and stuff and my bestie was like "yeah, i only want my kids to do the IB bc a-levels are shit and i wouldn't want them to get an obscure degree like the maturité either bc they'll have to explain it once they get to uni". and like... first of all, she's already counting on being able to send her future kids to private school which is like okay. and secondly like... how is the maturité an obscure diploma? judging by whose standards? if you do the IB and you want to go to a swiss uni that's gonna be a hassle. despite the IB being supposedly international, the only schools that really actually accept it with no problem are those elite british schools. so imagine being preprogramed in a way that like you know you're gonna be able to afford elite universities for your kids.
and she says all of that without even thinking twice. like everything is a given to her. and her boyfriend now husband is a heir to this rich hongkongese family, so yeah, they'll probably be able to send their kids to private school and then to an english university. and she'll probably never understand it. she'll continue living her life thinking that everything is a given, never struggle and find that normal. meanwhile i can't even grasp the fact that her dad's managed to support his stay at home wife and his two children and like wow the privilege.
anyway, we all live in such different worlds. and some people will never see some other people's worlds. and that's just how things are. and im drifting apart from my friends because we have different problems and a different view on the world.
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azul41 · 2 years
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Complaints of Nursing school
Im going to write here cause Imma be caught by venting to my classmates. 
I didnt realize that nursing school is such a classist rigourous way to study. I am fortunate that I have a car. I think it should be told that before a student goes to clinicals, that they need to have car. I live in Seattle and not every clinical site can be reached by bus to get there in a reasonable time. I start at 6am to get to my site, the site is only 15 min by car to get there from my house but taking the bus it would take me over an hour to get there. 
I knew for some reason I needed a car but I didnt know how much I NEEDED IT to succeed in nursing school. It may seem obvious but it cuts down my travel time to get to clincals. Its the safest way I can get there on time with no hiccups. The bus can be late and it does not come as often if you wanna leave at 5:30am. Its comes every hour. I know to transfer there is wait time to transfer buses and then there is a chance of missing that transfer and everything. Taking uber is almost impossible during that time of night and it cost so much more to take an uber there at that time. I have taken uber to work it has fallen through on me because last minute the driver changes their mind and cancels the ride. LITERALLY I HAD ONE DRIVER who went into the market next to my house and bought a drink before picking me up. (idk why I wasnt more mad). Then there is time to wait for the uber driver to arrive to your house too. I don’t understand how uber drivers don’t understand that if we call you we are paying to get to our destination on time. I had reliable drives most of the time but at that time in the morning it is literally impossible. My classmate is has been late to clinicals 2 time and being 20 min lates can cost someone everything. I think she is figuring out how to get to her clinical and she is struggling. I dont think she is from this area either so she wouldn’t know how terrible the buses are in 5 am and how nobody wants to drive at that time. We live in the suburbs it is not easy. 
What I mean is that I hear from students from other cohorts that if a student is late to their clincals even by 2 mins then they will fail the class and they have to restart the quarter all over again. It depends on the clinical instructor and mines has been nice. Its a mark of “professionalism” and it tells the instructor that the student isn’t showing professionalism. I was warned by student from a different quarter that the student failed because of this. Even If they pass all the exams something simple as this can affect how people succeed in nursing school. 
I wake up at 4:30 to get to my clinical site by 6am. It takes me 15 min but I need to park to car too... 
What I am trying to vent is that it is literally impossible to get to clinicals on time that early when one does not have car. Im glad I finally have a car of my own and not needing my mom to drop me off everywhere. Owning a car takes a lot of money that I earn to upkeep by working the weekends. Its a financial barrier and I really don’t think its really supports people who don’t have money to afford them. Like there all sorts of costs of being in nursing school I wanna complain about outside of textbooks and tuition. I literally am paying for a testing bank question to help me with a class that I DONT WANNA READ FOR OK. IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE TO JUST DO THE READING. ITS HONESTLY DOESNT HELP ME ANSWER THE QUESTIONS ON THE TEST. 
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