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#everything about this relationship was arranged i cant lie to you
corpsebasil · 4 months
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Oh my god wait WHAT ABOUT MODERN DAY NIKOLAI AUUUUU UU LIKE WHAT ABOUT IF HE WAS A PRINCE BUT LIKE RNNNNNM
i promise I’m gonna get back into the knight Nikolai thing but the tequila in my system has me THINKIIIOIIIIN
(yes I am 21 in less than a month. i am also Spanish and have been drinking since birth. anyways.)
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okay listen—
DRABBLLLLLE MDNI UNDER THE CUT
okay so.
You’re sitting on the couch when it happens.
Not even an hour ago you were a virgin. You’d never let a man touch you—hadn’t wanted to—until Nikolai. Yes, Nikolai. Aka, his royal highness Prince Nikolai of Ravka. Good God.
(Omg just imagine modern day Nikolai ahhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHG)
You’re bundled up with some blankets while he makes hot chocolate, insisting that you relax after the rather intense fuck fest first time you two had ever slept together.
This man had given you more orgasms than you could count on one hand. He’d been the most perfect first time you could’ve ever imagined.
I just know Nikolai is skilled with his hands and tongue. Don’t speak to me.
Omg and what if he grabbed your thighs and pushed them towards your chest and—
GOOD LOOOOOOOOORD it’s been a single day since I’ve been laid and now I’m—
TMI.
Sorry.
ANYWAYS.
He’s in the kitchen adding marshmallows to your cup while you’re flipping through the channels on his tv, a tiny smile on your face. But then it drops. DROPS. Because you land on a news channel and the first thing you see is a picture of YOU.
Oh god.
You immediately still, leaning forward to pay closer attention as the news anchor speaks, the headline screaming at you as you watch:
‘The Prince’s Girlfriend is Just a Pawn’.
?
?
What?
The anchor continues with a story like this: allegedly, due to proof found by sources unidentified, the prince was in a strategically arranged relationship with a common girl in order to bolster his image as a, and I quote, ‘caring, non-discriminatory royal’.
You cant breathe.
Now for the Drabble.
“Babe!” Nikolai calls, walking into the living-room with two mugs in his hands, marshmallows almost spilling over the edge. “Want to watch that scary movie you mentioned? Your reactions to—” He stops.
Stares.
He reads the headline in half a second before he’s carefully setting the mugs down on the coffee-table, his expression stony. Your own eyes are steadily filling with moisture, your chest heaving as you listen to all the evidence that your entire relationship has been fake.
When you turn your head to look at him his jaw is clenched, eyes dark.
“Is it true?” You breathe after a moment, turning the tv off. He’s quiet and you continue, your voice cracking. “Was I a publicity stunt?” Nikolai looks at you and takes a deep breath, but his expression tells you everything. A choked noise leaves your mouth and you stand, shaking your head. “No. Tell me it’s not true.”
He doesn’t reply, just staring at you with a pained look.
A broken sob leaves your mouth and you shake your head, shoving past him.
“Y/N—"
“Did you ever love me?” You demand, whirling around when his hand grasps your arm. “I gave you everything. Every part of me.”
He takes a deep breath before speaking, his eyes squeezed shut.
“It started as a PR stunt, okay? But it’s not like that anymore, Y/N, I love—”
“Don’t you fucking lie to me.” You snap, backing away from him. “God, I’m so stupid!” You cover your face with your hands, shaking your head. “As if a prince would ever want me.”
“Y/N, please—”
“Don’t just—just don’t.” You hold up your hand and move towards the door, grabbing your things as you go. “Don’t call me. Please.”
(Don’t call me. Don’t come by my house. We’re done. LMAO.)
“Y/N.”
You pause when you reach his door, your eyes meeting his.
“I don’t ever want to see you again.” You whisper, your heart cracking into pieces inside your chest.
Sorry HAHA
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burplewrites · 8 days
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thoughts | cove james holden
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𓆉 | fandom: our life: beginnings & always
𓆉 | characters: cove holden, reader
𓆉 | word count: 1,547 words 8,375 characters
𓆉 | a/n: this has been in my notes for so long i got disgusted by it and i wanted it gone (the ending sucks i cant make conclusions)
from a young age, y/n has experienced happiness. they had loving parents, even though they were adopted. their older sister, who was a brat when they were younger, loved them unconditionally. they had amazing relatives and friends and were always surrounded by positivity since they were a child. although from a young age, they always felt like this feeling would be temporary.
their moms wouldn’t love them anymore, cove wouldn’t care, derek, terri, and miranda wouldn’t care, baxter…. well, they were right about baxter. but baxter left, making everything they thought would happen a reality… that terrified them.
normally when it was just thoughts, that’s all it was. thoughts. their mind was fucking with them, making them feel horrible for no reason. but it’s been those thoughts that have been brought into the world, that possibility was a real one. baxter had left three months ago and y/n was still stuck in that moment when he closed the door to their relationship.
no calls, no texts, no anything. y/n saw the signs, they were right in front of their face. baxter always thought of his stay here as temporary. but it didn’t have to be. they could have remained friends. but he chose to cut contact with everyone in sunset bird, with them.
maybe baxter was different, a messed up variable. they had only known each other for a summer, but if he could do it, what was holding everyone else from doing that too? what is everyone waiting for?
when was everyone going to leave them too?
it was a summer fling, just a short little thing. nothing too serious. that was said from the beginning. y/n felt hard though, which made it hurt even more. what was that whole relationship to him anyway? did he truthfully like it, did he like them as much as they liked him?
he had always been so distant, a barrier was always there, separating them from really getting to know the real baxter ward. if they knew the real him, would they still have been attracted to him? would everything be the same? would they still have entered that fling, would baxter be willing to ask them out, would they accept… what would be the outcome, the reactions, how would life be right now, three months after that summer?
y/n laid in bed, their mind taking all the energy that would otherwise be used to go do random stuff with their family and friends. their eyes were closed, with the cover over their head as they tried to control their breathing and get out of this spiral they were trapping themselves in. they didn't even notice when cove came into their room.
their window was always left unlocked due to cove's unwarranted but not unwanted visits, so he was never locked outside on the side of the building.
"y/n, it's like 1 pm." cove said gently before sitting on the side of their bed. y/n sat up, and faked a yawn, before smiling at cove. they didn't want to burden him with their thoughts again. they did that the day baxter left, and even though cove didn't seem to mind, they didn't want to put him through that again. "y/n, what's the matter? you can't lie to me with that fake yawn. i know you better than that, and i know you know that too."
"it's nothing, i was just thinking. don't worry." they got out of bed and stretched, not registering how upset they looked, or how their mannerisms were so drained. from the bed, cove was watching them do random things, like pick things up, and put them away in a completely different place, arrange their desk, all while trying to start a conversation with cove. they gave up midway though, and just started humming a song under their breath.
cove didn't know what to do. he realised that something was upsetting y/n, it was clear to see, but he didn't know what. he didn't know what he could say or do to help them feel better, since they weren't talking about it but cove could tell it was eating at them. so he did the only thing he thought of in that moment. he stood up and engulfed them in a hug. y/n's body tensed up in shock before relaxing. their back was to cove's chest, and cove was holding them tightly.
"ok space cadet, what's up with this?" y/n said with a chuckle. "you know back hugs barely count, right?"
cove sighed and loosened the hug, which gave y/n the chance to turn around and be engulfed in a normal hug. y/n knew cove wanted to say something, and was prepared to stay in this hug until he did. it was a thing they came up with that happened randomly.
"y/n, you're still upset about baxter, aren't you?" cove said softly. y/n's breath hitched, which was an answer in itself as they sighed.
"i- was it that obvious?"
"no, i just know you. we're kind of connected, remember?" cove chuckled before pulling away from the hug. he pulled y/n back to the bed before sitting beside them. they made eye contact, and cove began.
"talk to me y/n. let me lend an ear."
"it's fine cove, i'm getting through it. you don't have to listen to this." y/n said with a smile, betraying the tears building up in their eyes.
cove stared at y/n softly, before holding their hands. "i know i don't have to, but i want to. i want to be there for you y/n, because you're someone that i truly about and that's never going to change, so let me be there. let me carry some of your worries."
at those words, the dam opened. tears started dropping from y/n's glossy eyes, and more came as they tried wiping them. their breathing shallowed as they sobbed on the side of their bed, cove holding them, offering the comfort he could at that moment.
"it's not supposed to hurt that hard. we barely knew each other cove. we dated for the summer, i'm supposed to be focusing on the future, not remembering this!" y/n started, more tears bubbling up with a pause in their words. "but he left. he didn't even care, he just dismissed it, and i'm trying to understand but it hurts so much."
y/n cried in cove's arms a little, not caring how messed they looked. cove was one of their rocks. a constant. yes, they doubted it sometimes, but it was hard to find even the smallest part of cove wanting to abandon them. cove was always there, cove was family. y/n always felt the safest when he was there by their side.
"i knew it wouldn't last forever, but it set everything in stone, that everyone is going to leave and i'm just going to be stuck here, without anyone. miranda and terri, derek and you… moms, liz.. everyone is just going to leave. they wouldn't need a reason to stick by me anymore. i wouldn't mean much to them anymore, and i-"
y/n was spiralling, and cove squeezed them hard in the hug to get them to snap out of it, without 'interrupting' them. y/n turned to look at cove with a confused look and cove looked at them wiping his own tears from his aquamarine eyes.
"we aren't going to leave you behind. we never would do that. we love you, i love you. i can confidently speak for miranda, and terri, and elizabeth, and your moms, as well as myself. we would never even think of abandoning you. you have such an important effect on out lives y/n, and we wouldn't change it for anything."
"so why did he leave, cove? why didn't he want to stay friends, why didn't he want to keep in contact with me? am i that unlikable and unlovable-"
cove shook his head, making y/n's face wrench with more tears, as their head faced the ground.
"i don't know what was going through his head, but him leaving does not make you unlovable and unlikable. he liked you enough to want to be your friend, he liked you enough to want to start dating you, he liked you enough to help you out, to form memories with you, and to be there with you for as long as he could. i couldn't tell you why he couldn't stay friends, but i can tell you that he's probably going to regret losing someone like you in his life." y/n smiled a little and leaned their head against their best friend.
"thank you cove.. i love you too."
"i know." cove said gently, reaching over and passing y/n some tissues. "y/n anytime you need to talk, anytime you have doubts about anything.. you have to tell me about it. or your moms, or liz, or our friends, but don't just keep it locked inside. isn't that what you taught me?"
y/n chuckled.
"yeah, i guess i'm just not good at following my own advice."
"i can see that." cove teased, making y/n glare at him playfully. cove sat there, as a pillar for y/n letting them lean against him, as they sniffed and calmed down, giving them all the time they needed.
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sannylity · 8 months
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*slamming hands on table* vampire au! vampire au! vampire au! vampire au! confetti!!!! new sannylity au dropped go crazy go stupid
love the idea of a blood soulmate and everything! theyre all mechanics that could be interesting to incorporate into the world. also FUCK foolish for turning mariana into a vampire. not cool bro wtf >:(
thinking about charlie being like "you know for ease's sake we should just be roommates. we are literally bound by blood and soul and whatever the hell you said anyways" and marianas nervous cause the last time she shared a place with someone it didnt go to well but he agrees. so they stay in an apartment together! yippie!!
mariana stays in the house most of the time because she usually sleeps or relaxes/does chores during the day and likes to do fun things at night! sometimes that means bothering his roommate and sometimes that means going clubbing. she attempted being a nighttime security guard for a week, but it was too stressful, so he quit after only five nights.
i can see this au definitely having nsfw undertones, with all the biting and ecstasy and the high from bloodsucking and stuff rftvgybuijm charlie cant lie hes kind of into it when mariana sinks his fangs into his neck, not knowing how much pleasure it gives her too.
god imagine charlies abusive dad who he ran away from is actually a vampire hunter, so he can never have mariana meet his parent- not like he would've wanted that, anyways. as many of his loved ones as he can keep away from his fucked-up father, the better.
originally it just starts off as their mutually beneficial relationship, being blood soulmates and everything. but it evolves into a blossoming romance, into a desperation to feel the warmth of each others bodies, into a reliance on one another.
i go feral whenever sannylity proposes new slimeriana au idea and this one is no exception.
-💫
Hahahaha yes! I’m surprised myself that I haven’t made a vampire AU until now sksksk
I like that Foolish is just the automatic choice for Mariana xD but yes, how dare he!!
And yeah, after the initial confrontation of Charlie catching Mariana and Mariana having to admit, they end up having to come up with living arrangements for their sakes. Did I mention vampires lose their minds if they don’t feed on their humans and vice versa for a long time? :D
So when Charlie didn’t believe him at first, he stopped coming into work to avoid Mariana and for a month, they don’t see each other. But why does he feel so agitated and snappy and angry and feel like he should break something or punch a wall or tear his hair out? He doesn’t know what to do and he’s panicking, ready to jump off his balcony apartment just to end this intense feeling all over him until Mariana somehow appears out of nowhere and bites into his neck again.
That’s when Charlie believes him and they settle for a living arrangement.
Mariana definitely does the chores during the day, his malewife role is still canon in this AU xD lolol
Also, yep! This AU was written to have NSFW themes on it. There’s no way around it xD they both find pleasure in blood sucking, what more with having physical and sexual attraction for each other? Sex would be a given and experimental on the biting and the clawing and the scratching. Hot gay men vampire sex, yes lmaoo
Having a family member of Charlie being a vampire hunter is really cool and adds so much drama and problems for the couple djjsjs I’d imagine the story would become lengthy for this, but the payoff would be amazing nonetheless :))
And thank you! I’m glad you liked this AU. It is surely one of my faves too because there’s a lot of world building involved when it comes to vampires ahhhh <33
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(Priscilla’s POV)
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We’re 6 months in and having a boy! We wanted to find out the gender of the baby so we could start planning the nursery, also because I just love knowing! Most of my sisters choose not to find out but I could never live in suspense like that! It’s been surreal seeing and feeling my body change as the weeks go by, I can feel baby boys hiccups and little kicks the larger he gets, the first time it happened I called my mother in tears of joy at feeling that first kick. Being pregnant with first really puts things into perspective for me, my mother was pregnant 15 times, Adalynn has had 7 pregnancies, and Kyleigh is on her 9th right now. Growing up we always heard that children are an inheritance from the Lord, and it’s become true for me in ways I never expected. Thankfully for me the pregnancy has been free of complications, it feels like the Lord is blessing me for following his plan for my life! 
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Felix was so excited to find out that we’re having a boy, his parents have only grandsons so far but he was excited to have a son be his first child! I can’t believe it was a year ago that our parents were pushing us together as life partners, and here we are having a baby! We always say that we’re thankful for following our parents authority and leaning into what the Lord was laying on our hearts in regards to one another. Felix has started working at his father’s law offices and is even talking about possibly going into politics! It’s so exciting being able to be the helpmeet of such an accomplished man!
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It was great seeing Macie and Annette again, for the first 20 years it was Amira, Annette and I doing everything together every single day with Macie watching over us. First Amira got married, followed by me; it feels weird not waking up in the same room as them and going about our day together. Annette’s been coming up to visit more and more and is coming to stay for a while once the baby is born! Macie is going to be busy heading to Kyleigh’s to help since Kyleigh is due one month before me, or else the both of them would be coming up to visit. 
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It’s been great having my mother and Felix’s mother there for advice, I’ve been calling them both at all hours with incessant questions on pregnancy and they’ve been so gracious with me. Can you imagine, by the time my mother was 21 like me she had already had Adalynn, Barrett, and Macie AND she was pregnant with Zoe? Stacey (my mother in law) has been a great help at taking me to all my appointments when Felix is busy, and has been keeping me company during the day as we prep around the house. Felix’s twin Maia is (finally) getting married, so there’s been a lot of prep that I’ve been helping her with as we get closer and closer to the wedding. She also helped me choose to have the baby at our local hospital, initially I wanted to have a homebirth, but Stacey advised me that since it’s my first baby I should be prepared for any and all eventualities. (AN: Stacey will be damned before she lets her airhead daughter in law endanger the life of her GRANDBABY by attempting a homebirth. They didn’t donate a new wing to the hospital for nothing 😂)
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My little trinket
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Summary: the duke is not pleased by your refusal. But it does not matter you are already bought and paid for. Now you just have to accept it.
Warnings: Dark fic! Dark!charles, yandere, arranged marriage, swearing, forced matrimony, forced relationship, non con, forceful male, derogatory terms? Buying a wife? Sort of?
A/n: so never really tried a dark charles before... but now I've got a taste for it~
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The duke stood before you smiling, his head tilted to his left waiting. You trembled, suddenly your dress felt tight,your free hand moved to tug uselessly on your bodice. Tears welling in your eyes. Still the duke watched, looking at you with a patient longing, yet below that was a satisfaction.
"N-no" you stuttered takeing a step back and removjng yoh hand from his quickly, just asmhis hand began to tighten
"Pardon?" He purred whilst blinking at you. Surely he was mistaken. Yoh wouldt deny him; he was a duke, powerful, rich the kings best friend and handsome! He was everything a woman wanted in a husband and he was even known about the court as a good fuck!
"No, i cant im sorry im flatered but i just... i cannot accept" you said entwining youf fingers resting your hands low o the torso as if it would protect you and keep your breaths even. His jaw tightened and he snarled, a low wordless sound that shook you to your core. He was angered, nevwr had you seen him angered to this degree and so quickly. It was frightening.
He chuckled looking to the sky taking a second to inhale a deep breath before locking his gaze witn you once more. This time his fury was tampered, hidden beneath the stromy blue gaze with a promise. He would not forget this slight.
"You will accept" he spoke puffing his xhest and standing taller, trying to seem imposing in his resolute certainty. He spoke candidly, with an ease as though he were stating fact.
"I do not-" you began arguing feeling more alarmed at his quickly shifting mood. He seemed almost manic in his mood changes. Anger should not fade so quickly.
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"Im not here to ask girl. Im here to inform you that it is done. Therefore you will accept me for you have no choice, did you honestly think id leave this to chance? Up to you? That i would allowmy future to be decided by a woman barely cut from here mothers apron strings?" He scoffed, belittling you. All traces of tthe kind man that had asked for your hand momentts ago were gone. His patience had run dry, he was now a duke. Spoiled and unused to hearing the word no. Charles stepping forward dwarfing you quickly and one hand shot out grasping your arm and tugging you forward harshly.
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"your mine" he growled lower and more savage then before.
"Then why ask for my hand?" You asked eyeing him carfully whislt trying to make a plan of escape. Not just in the present moment but how you were going to run from this so called arranged marriage.
"I wanted to let you believe in your silly notion of choice. It would be easier letting you think you had a say in the matter, when in actual fact you do not. You are already mine" he hummed craning his head down to yours smirking victoriously. He reveled in the fear that crept,along your face. The colour drainign from your face. He was willing to let you live a lie? And now he was gojng to trap you into an unwanted marriage? It was cruel, barbaric even!
"I could mount you here and now like a two pence whore and there would be no consequence" he added his evil smirk stretching to a grin. You gasped at hxim, his was how hw would speak to his bride to be? He was a cad!
"What? No my father would never force me- he would consult me on my match-" youd uttered shaking your head as hiis eyes bored jnto yours with a deep penetrative gaze. He was searching for something. Something beneath the surface.
"Your father has already handed me half of your dowery, it is sitting in my home as we speak" he purred stepping closer, pressing you against him in an unsightly display of intimacy. His feet now tucked below your skirt, almost stepping on your toes. He groaned as your hands rose pushing against him trying to fend him off but to no avail.
"No-no i wont do it! I dont know you, and what ive heard is-" you yelped and began thrashing harder not worried about causing a scene or drawing attention. But the duke laughed in your face, tipping hos head down to youqrs pinching your chin in a painfull holsd forcing you to look up to him. See his dark eyes gleaming with a violent delight. He liked your struggle. It made him bigger and bader, more powerfull. A hunter with its trapped prey.
"What you hear of me means very little pet. You are my betrothed, and i suggest your learn to like it. For we shall become very close, very quickly. Now take my arm i wish to take you around the court." He growled moving his arm for you to take. It was a sobering moment for you. He released you entirely but his eyes held you captive. There was a darkness there. One of which youd not seen before. It prkmies retribution should you foght him.
"I dont- i wish to speak to my father" you added stepping back a few inches but charles did not relent, he followed your meager movements. Clearly ready to chase yoh should you run.
"He is far too busy" he laughed shaking his head as if trying to explain the ways of the world to a child. It was a humourless laugh, full of disappointment and vindictive undertones.
"He is never to busy for me-" ou began trying to give the false sense of self confidence even thought you were w reck inside. How could this happen?! Why? Why was this duke goingmto claim you?!
"Oh but he is especially busy. I made sure of it" charles interupted ominously making your stomach drop, instantly fearing for your father.
"You? What have you done?!"
"I gave him everything his greedy heart desires. A title, lands, livestock a small fortune to count! Just enough shiney things to keep him occupied untill our ceremony. He will never know he traded shiney coins for a truly spectacular jewel" his words made you feel sick to your stomach. Money. The root of all evil! Yet it was the means to have anything you desire! With enouh money oh can ourchase anything, even a bride. Your father had unknowingly sold you like cattle. He'd lead you to the wolves den! Only this particular wolfs den was a large estate.
"Now hurry, i wish to parade my new little trinket around court" chalresmuttered twisting the words, makjng the ache in your heart deepen and throdpb tightly. You could barely catch your breath as his menacing yet cheerful disposition washed over you like youdd been plunged in to a foul bog of freezing water.
"You are cruel, i will never love you" you sobbed but raised a hand to his arm knwoing you had no choice, atleast untill you managed to talk sense into your father.
Charlse preened, smiling wider as you stood beside him looking straight aghead, tears rolling down your cheeks as you avoicpded looking at him. He was victorious. His victory gave way to his next few coocky words.
"No, but you will moisten, beg, plead, gush, wail, kneel and bend over for me. As you should for i am your husnabd, lord and master." He laughed embarassing you further, yoh couldnt help feel the degradation was punishment for your refusal. But he did not stop his next remark was even more of a blow.
"Be a dear and make peace with that soon. Alright? I dont want to have to find a switch or purchase a cane. The bruises would leave you uncomfortable when i fuck and breed you. Wife." The comment had the desired effect. You gasped snapping yoh head to him forgoing your imposed ignorance you yelp at him.
"Youd beat me?!" Your cry was of true fear. You didnt want to feel this powerful mans strength in such a fashion.
"Chatise my lady. I will chastise you untill you are a well behaved, polite obedient woman. I have admired you and i will have you. Come hell of high water i will have you in anyway i see fit, as maany times as i see fit" he breathed down at you with a strangly possesive tone. It was clear you were no wife. No love of his. You were simply a possesion, one he had paid a high price for and one he intended to use.
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i want to ask for help. but i cant tell when would be a good time. because u've said before that therapy doesnt work unless YOU want it to, and i dont know WHEN i will want to. i just know that ive been feeling like this for as long as i can remember and that if i dont do SOMETHING about it, i might not even live.
i feel like im scared to ask for help because what if? what if i actually do better? i cant imagine living without thinking about dying every second. there is a scary sense of comfort in it, but its familiar and its me but its ME and i dont want it like that.
i,,, i dont know why this is going to you, but i do know i admire your opinions and i guess i just want to know. when. when does it get better.
When... hmm, as Yoongi has said before, these kinds of feelings are like seasons. I don't personally think they ever "go away" - you have good times and bad times, sometimes with reason, sometimes for no reason at all. At least, that's how it is with me. Going to put the rest under a break.
"Get better" is a vague term. You can argue you're already "getting better" because you recognize something needs to change, but that doesn't really feel statisfying because you're still in the same mental state, right? Then, is "getting better" a generalized state of more happiness? Could be. But, if you've always been in the darkness, well, shit, how are you supposed to know the light is the light? You've never seen it before. Then, does "getting better" mean... being like everyone else around me that seems like they're "good"?
That's the greatest lie of all.
I've said therapy doesn't work unless you want it to, not because you need to feel a certain measure of desire to change, but because you can't walk in there thinking the therapist is going to change you. If you have the means to try, you should to to therapy and just try it, because knowing you need to do something indicates that you already want to change. Reaching out to someone, stranger or not, already indicates you don't want to be like this forever. It might work, it might not. Therapy really depends on the therapist and finding a good fit is very difficult.
I'm going to tell you a bit about my journey. I have no idea if it will help you, but maybe you're interested.
I grew up not knowing love. My parents had an arranged marriage and, in their case, they did not love each other. Probably still don't. They're still married. I guess they tolerate each other, I don't know. In any case, it was very dysfunctional. I didn't know anything about maintaining healthy relationships, showing affection, or the value of people. I was seen as a means to an end, not really as their child. It was mostly my mom, but my dad was neglectful and wasn't really part of my life even though he was there the entire time. Because of this, I didn't value myself. I became very depressed and, if you've read my work, there's hints of what I've done to myself. I thought about dying. A lot. All the time. Planned it, dreamed it, wished for it.
Then, I moved out and entered the next phase of my life. Made a shit ton of mistakes. Destroyed friendships, had a ton of questionable relationships, chased love that was never there, fell apart. I was an "adult" but I was still the same - still wanted off this fucking Earth. But there was a difference. This time, I finally realized something.
These had be been my desicions.
My choices put me in that position. Nobody made me do anything. I was being self-destructive because I wanted to. And just like how I put myself there, I could take myself out.
So I did.
Not easily, mind you, but I did. I switched my surroundings again, put myself among people who had my best interests in mind, found my close friends, had a great time. Did shit everyone else did, went on cute dates, hung out with friends, traveled a lot, took pictures of delicious food, had an Instagram life.
Hated it.
I wasn't myself. I had pushed down my past and pretended like that shit wasn't real. I had a good life, so I'm good, right? I'm cured! I have what everyone else wants - I do what I want, have a good job and loving people around me. Yeah, no. I was "better", but I wasn't better. Far from it. I used to draw, write, create. In this phase I did none of that. I felt empty. But I was happy! Shit, what else can I do?
And then I discovered BTS.
Music does a lot of things. In my life, they defined the phases of my life. Rock and metal saved me from ending it when I was stuck in the darkness. In the time of empty happiness, I listened to music, but nothing stuck. I did, however, broaden my horizons and listen to everything, finally learning that all music has its merits and that I could find something I liked in nearly every genre.
However, I wasn't committing to anything, and that was because I couldn't commit to myself.
At first when I listened to BTS, I thought they were really cool. I went from era to era, mostly listening to title songs. Then I was bored and listened to their other stuff. I was curious about the lyrics I liked. They were usually rapped by this one guy, and I learned to recognize his voice and wait for his parts, because they always ended up being my favorite.
Yeah, just guess who it is. :)
I thought, well shit, I have no idea what he's saying. I should look it up. Went to look up the lyric translations of their songs, finding SUGA's parts and yet another epiphany.
Why am I pretending?
I'm reading these lyrics and I'm like, shit. This is it. This is me. These are all thoughts I've thought and they're here. They're real. Someone else thought them in the same way I have. And I am, indeed, still feeling these things, but pretending I'm not. Pretending it's impossible to acknowledge the person I am, that teenager wondering why I have to live when I could just fucking not, and who I've become, an adult with no sense of self but happy, and how they somehow can't coexist even though they already do. They're all me.
It wasn't very fun facing those feelings again, but I did it because I needed it. I needed to work through them and stop pretending so I could be myself. And now I am, because I can see it. You can see it. I create, not for anyone, but because this is me.
Maybe a little hypersexual. Kind of insane. Borderline cocky (but I am hot though, I'm just saying). I write, I draw, I create, I have fun, I cry, fuck, I do it all (swallow dick real fucking well too!). I do everything I want to and live how I want to.
This is just one way, one life among billions. You might not go though this (technically, you're already on the BTS phase, you know) and most likely your journey will be different. Because "getting better" is a personal thing. It is what you want in life, who you want to be, and I didn't know who I wanted to be until I lived though all kinds of shit, learning about other people's lives, and found someone who let me know, hey, you can brush past or you can soak into a heart. Change will always happen. You can live however you like. In some ways, you grow up and become an adult. In some ways, you stay the same, always young, always learning, always growing up. Sometimes people give up their young self because they think they have to. And maybe they do. You don't really have to though. You only have to be open to the idea there is also comfort in other things, that the you that you've known all your life is not the only you that will be.
To live a full life is to have many things, not physically, but mentally - memories, thoughts, past, present, whatever you want to hold on to, hold on to. No one can take them away from you. You will become more than just that. Every day, you will wake up to a new self that encompasses all your other selves before that. If you're impatient and want it now, run. Read up on things, surround yourself with all kinds of people, try activities you've always wanted to try, experience shit and find out what you like, what you hate, what you can modify to suit you better.
Find out what it means for you to get better and you'll discover, hey.
You're already there.
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zeynepbal · 3 years
Text
Started cleaning home like 3.30 in the morning, after I woke up to a continuing talk with a friend on whatsapp at 3 am.
While tidying and cleaning the house I was thinking may be I was a bit harsh on him because after all he did not say anything bad and all he thinks is my good will - yet now after thinking an hour while tidying the house I am pretty sure it is not good for me
Society is a strange concept. You can never stay all free unless you go and start a life by yourself in the jungle. Otherwise you always have to be a part of it - even when you dont think so. My dad my mom always and still making me erase some posts which I think they are mostly right about their criticism because they are the only people may be who truely knows my way of thinking yet there is one more thing they know : how others may think and can understand my thoughts in a different way.I can clearly and confidently say that being a parent of mine should be really tiring. Dealing with a “child” for 37 years who mostly has a different point of view than the society.
Same is valid for my friends. I do think that it should be really haed to deal with me. When you make a dirty joke to your friend and when she does not get it constantly should be annoying. And think that when she gets it she just scolds you for being childish.
I dont understand how people connect certain images with certain situations. Kissing a cat video might be found “sexy” by people or wearing a short skirt can be thought as trying to be alluring. Throwing a birthday party for a friend could be understood as trying to steal him from his wife for example. Or I dont know how but being good friends with a male friend and telling here and there that you missed him can be seen as you two have something special. Or hugging a person can be misread as having something between.
I find these thoughts always so “not understandable”. I do like implies and I use them a lot only when I am broken or only when I have to tell some one to do sth or only when I need to reject someone. Because I dont like to hurt anyone yet I dont understand how people can think you imply something when you say you miss some one or love some one or like someone. These words are good words. These are full of emotion words. However howcome in the end all are connected to romantic relations I don get - even while writing here as “romantic relations” I struggled because a person can love a tree and it may be romantic in a way yet it is not the way generally people understands. I remember one certain memory: my mom telling my ex fiancée that I might write a poem for a freaking chair as if it is a person which does not mean that I am in love with anyone.
And now yeah we are there.. Lets return the beginning of this page. Yeah I was harsh on a friend and thought a lot during cleaning the home. Why I was harsh was because he thinks that I need someone in my life - which I surely dont think so , decided this morning. As I wrote him “ I do make talks about relationships, I do behave as if I am interested but I am not. I do have these “fake” standing because of my age. Because when I behave as if true myself people find it fake because up to society a 37 year old woman should be interested in the stuff like this. So they do not accept I dont give a damn heck about these talks.” And this is why I always act as if. Today I just though how unhappy I was when I was about to get married at the age of 26-27, was waking up in the middle of the night and thinking how I truely did not wanna get married : and it was the society in the first place making me say “yes” to a person that I did not wanna get married because up to society a woman should do this do that etc etc etc.
And now it is an another phase: the phase that in order not to be misunderstood or labelled I have to act as if I am interested in some men otherwise people or their girlfriends see you as a threat as if their husbands or boy friends are made up of gold and you are hitting on them. Hello! I am not interested. So first in order to stop these gossips about you you should behave as if you are interested in someone otherwise people dont get you may not be interested in anyone. I dont understand why it should be black and white in every situation and dont get why people are so blind to gray. Another point is in order people not to misunderstand your gender you have to show your interest to men. I dont care if they think I am not straight or so but they talk. They talk a lot. And in year 2021 people still think being a gay is something funny and not normal. I pity these people yet I am straight and it is the same rudeness calling a gay as straight when you call a straight person as a gay. So in order not to be misunderstood I do have to make “men” talk on social media or in my life because people dont get “how come you dont?! At a 37 person howcome you cant have any specific point on men you find sexy?! How come you cant have a type?! Oh come on you are lying!!” I actually dont lie yet in order to deal with these situations I learnt to lie. As I told my friend this morning “I seriously do some talks because otherwise is impossible for people and I just dont wanna deal with them”
And this is actually how society puts a pressure on you without knowing. Lots of friends trying to make me up with some one: and my honest opinion this is so “waste of time” meeting with someone for a date. I mean isnt it? You both know that you meet on a specific purpose to understand if you are compatible or not and to me being compatible doesnt mean “love”. They find me rude when I say “no” to these date offers or imply that I am not interested because to them we would be very good or they are wanting my goodness which I reject. And what they dont understand within all these years is, ME. How I see the things. I like things being in their natural way. If I ll have a relationship it should happen in a natural way. I should fall in love for example. But no! For the society as a 37 year old (up to them beautiful) woman should not be alone or if she is alone there should be something wrong with her. And may be something wrong with me because I do care about emotions rather than “shoulds”
So as a result today I decided that I wont be making the same mistake as I did years ago : letting the society shape me and letting myself go with the flow and I was about to get married with a man I did not love just because it was expected by my friends or the people around me. Today I remembered how down I was feeling on those days and I dont wanna feel like that again. I do want a child yes. And there are other ways to “get” one like stealing some other people’ child (lol jk ofc).
Oh just an another point. I am never the kind of person who is able to show her feelings to the guy she likes (became a big problem in one of my relationships because he was always questioning that I am very physical and touchy to everyone yet not to him. And yeah! If I am hugging you or touching you this means my flirting probabilty with you is 0%) yet I found something I find irritating is “although I like the man doing the first second third…10th move until I understand he is interested, I seriously turn off when he gets harsh on me and openly shows his interest” this is the thing I can say “weird” about myself,for example because this is “weird”.
But the other stuff, I dont think that the way of thinking I have is weird. I dont think having no interest in speaking about relationships, not wanting to listen your “bed time sexual problems or stories” with your husbands/wives or lovers is weird. Because it is not my business but when I say this you call me either rude or weird. So I tried to act in a way you wanted and faked a lot which made me exhausted and today I just bursted as “E NOUGH!”. Because the more I try to fake in a way society wants me to, the more weird my behaviors become.
So I wont be doing any more. This is me. I wont act as the society wants me to act. Do think I have issues because I am not interested in the “make up” dates you arranged? Then I have issues, your opinion. Do you think I am in love with someone just because I told I love him? Then I am in love, your opinion. Do you think I am hitting on you because I asked to meet for a drink? Then I am hitting on you, your opinion. None are the thoughts or feelings of mine. I remember a talk with marcos. He asked me “you use the word love for everything. It is open to misunderstandings” and I told him “for you. You k ow me now and you know I dont use that word as many people may understand”. Same here. When I say I miss a friend and wish him or her here with me etc doesnt mean that I love/loved him or her in a way you think.
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notnctu · 3 years
Text
push and pull love appreciation
am i reading this a second time?? no……..doie first of all i love how you write, like i always end up rereading your stories (achis to slide thru and the cocky ones which i absolutely love)
i was so excited to read push and pull and got really happy when i saw the tag, the story is great, i love the dynamics between doyoung and the main character, i really like when the main is “sassy” or doesnt care about the opinions of the rest. Doyoung as a slytherin and prefect? totally see that, i really like how you portray him.
i also love the way they meet and how you describe it ksjadbsd, also i leave another question what was she doing there???
also what or who is she having that arrangement? is it a hook up or something else aksjhds when i read it i was like she is into deep shit but now maybe she was having sex with another slytherin…who knows
can we talk about the dialogues? they are great!
“I know them because I care enough to remember things you tell me, not because I loved you enough to observe these things about you” beautiful 
“did you miss me?” “unfortunately” love that
about yuta it could be that he knows doyoung likes the main character and what is going on between them but as a slytherin, they have a status to mantein that is why he acts good and bad at the same time: “i dont care about your name” but also “its cold outside” like he doesnt want her to see that he cares but he does at least a little bit for his friend? at the end of the day love is love you know? and doyoung is his friend right? ORR he doesnt want a hufflepuff there so he is quick so nobody sees her like “i know she is not gonna go so hurry up” vybe (My knowlege of harry potter is not great like i started reading the first book last week lol, but see the movie and read quite some fanfics JAJAJJA) i will stick to the first reason
why she lied about jaehyun? PUSH AND PULL BABY. doyoung knows she ditches people so this lie may be a change to se him act differently idk
about the white swan? like the meaning of the animal is love, pure, beauty… like he sees her like that? im not gonna lie idk much about black swan and white swan but yeah something related JAJAJAJJA 
not everyone is meant to be in a relationship sometimes love is not equally share and maybe she knows that, and doesnt care, love can be a beautiful thing yet painful, everyone wants to love and be loved but its doesnt happen all the time and maybe she is aware of that, at least she loves. What is the point of being with someone you dont love? she loves him and that is a fact nothing cant change even the fact he doesnt love her back 
OKAY this is way too long im sorry. the story is amazing def one of your best and also the banner is super pretty 
submitted by @infnteen​
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CAMI !!! MA’AM THIS IS FEEDBACK KNOCKED MY SOCKS OFF (ok im not wearing any but if i was, they’d be off) OMG YOU REALLY BLEW ME AWAY WITH THIS ONE! first of all, thank you for literally reading everything ive been tagging you in and following up with me youre truly just perfect 
tumblr was being a poopoo head and i didnt see this in my notifs but i went on  my laptop and OMG MY JAW DROPPED !! push and pull is def one of my personal favs and my smuts usually dont make it up there haha i love love love this fic …. a lot! so hearing your little analysis really made my day 
to answer your questions, her arrangement was that she was sleeping with someone she didnt want doyoung to know! its up to you who you decide that to be (a slytherin? bc its not mentioned that she sleeps with them besides doyoung ….. gryf!jaehyun? most popular boy in school and would raise even more jealousy?) 
THE DIALOGUE CATCHES ! writing the dialogue was so fun for this one and those were some of my fav lines too! another one of my favs is when doyoung says “i want to see you again” :) 
your answers are incredible…. i love them so much and though i can neither deny or confirm anything, the white swan meaning is exactly that!! THE “PUSH AND PULL BABY” YOU GOT ME THEREEEE!!! 
love you lots! and again, thank you so so much for this <3 
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mommaofthedrama · 4 years
Text
Burns Like Hell
Chapter four
Summary: Y/n Teller-Morrow is adjusting to life in Santo Padre, but when things start to go south back home, will she be pulled back to the toxic town she just escaped? Or will she actually finally move forward?
Pairing: Past Juice Ortiz x Female Reader, Angel Reyes x Female Reader
Warnings: angst, swearing, smut in later chapters.
A/N: any feed back would be great. I don’t own the gif. Credit to the creator. Also i'm sorry, this one got long!
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I’ve been here in Santo Padre for three months now, I got a job in the office of the auto shop the Mayans MC owns. Which means I see Angel daily, also means my brother gets updates daily. Jax has called a few times since I’ve moved but anytime they have club business he’s sent Happy. Who seems more than okay with that. Happy may be to the rest of the word, a ruthless killer but to me he’s always been that “uncle” that listens and is the biggest sweetheart, so long as I tell no one about it. My mom calls just about every day. I think she’s having a harder time adjusting than me. It’s been almost six months now since my Juan was killed. It still stings but I can finally interact with people without forcing myself not to cry. So baby steps. Angel and I despite seeing each other at work, hang out pretty much every night. Well every night he’s not busy with the club that is. I have adjusted to the new job and all the members of this club.
As I arrive at work, every morning with out fail I am met by Angel, Coco, and Ez. This morning though, Angel was already talking to Bishop so I decided to head into the office to start for the day. Coco and Ez follow behind me. “So when are you gonna accept the fact that we are meant to be Precoisa?” Coco joked.
Ez slapped him on the arm, gives me a grin and says “I’m sorry about him. Anyway the whole club is going to Charming tomorrow morning, are you coming with us?”
I blink not really sure how to feel about this, “Well this is the first I’m hearing about this, so I’m not sure. I don’t know if I’m ready.” I explain
Coco taking a drag of his smoke, replies, “You gotta face those feelings sooner or later, or you’ll be mentally fucked up like I am.”
Ez shoots Coco a look as Angel walks in the door. Angel adds to the conversation with, “ plus, mi amor, it’s not like you’ll be alone. You’ll have us.”
I sigh knowing they are right and I should go home to show my family I don’t hate them so reluctantly I blurt out, “Fine I guess I will go. But if I have a shit time, I’m holding you three responsible.”
The three men laughs and in unison say “Deal.” Then angel adds one last thing before clocking in and starting work, “If you do have a shit time Mami, I will personally make up for it.” I narrow my eyes at him skeptical, As Angel sends me a evil grin.
“What did you have in mind?” I question.
He laughs with one foot out the door, “You’ll just have to have a shit time to find out”
Calling Angel an ass which he didn’t hear I start my paper work for the day. It was almost lunch time when my phone rings, seeing it was Tig, I sent it to voicemail thinking I could call him in a few minutes when I get on lunch. Then not even a minute after I bumped tig’s call Happy was calling, Happy never calls. Something had to be wrong. Swiping answer before I could even say hello Happy was already talking and sounded erratic. Almost scared. So I say “Hello? Happy, what’s wrong?”
Happy then let out a groan, “Tell me you’re coming home tomorrow.”
I laugh feeling less worried than I did when I first answered,”Yeah Angel,Ez,and Coco promised to make it worth my while if I have a shit time. Why does the big bad killer miss me that bad?” I joked
Happy sounding more uneasy than ever now replies with, “Something happened and you won’t have a good time. But you do need to be here. I do miss my little rule breaker but I don’t wanna see you like this.”
Anxiety now has my heart pumping and tears threating to fall, “ What happened happy? And Don’t fucking lie to me.”
Happy exhales, “The cops.. They.. Found.. Gemma dead.. In her rose garden…please just come home. Jax is acting weird and I have a feeling she would want you to take care of this anyway.”
The tears have already started falling at this point so all I could say is “ I’ll be on my way as soon as I can,” I hung up the phone, just as I did and started to completely break down, Angel burst into the office to go to lunch with me. He noticed my current state and immediately rushes over to hug me, and strokes my hair as I sob. He doesn’t ask what happened. He just sits there until I’m ready to say something. I wasn’t sure how long I was like that but bishop must have been called by Tig cause he texted Angel and told him to take me to Charming tonight, He also told Angel he and the rest of the club would be there tomorrow, and if I needed anything they would get it.
When I finally didn’t have anything left. I looked at Angel, “I ‘m sorry I, I need to go home and get packed.”
Angel nods and adds, “I’m taking you. Bishop said.” And holds his phone so I could see it. He then adds, “I’m not sure what’s going on here princessa, but I wont ask until you’re ready either.”
I smile and thank Angel. Once at my house I packed Quickly only grabbing the essentials for a few days. We then went to his house and he did the same. We loaded into my crossover and hit the road, Angel insisted on driving, said whatever was going on had me too emotional to be driving. And I couldn’t argue because he was right. I sat next to him in the front passenger seat, when I finally broke the silence. “They found my mom shot dead in her rose garden, I have to go make the arrangements,”
Angel looks as if I just shot his dog, “I’m so sorry mami, you’ve been through so much this year, you just cant catch fucking break.” He muttered sounding heart broken. But then he continued, “You know I’ll be whatever you need right Y/n? I know I make jokes about being your next boy friend but, whatever you need me to be, I’ll be it.”
Touched by his words and not really sure what to say, “I know Angel but I feel like it’s not fair to you.”
Angel puts his right hand on mine, and shush me “ nah mami, don’t worry about me. I’ll admit I have a thing for you but this isn’t about me. It’s about you, and what you need. What kind of person would I be if I rushed you into something you aren’t ready for? Don’t worry a bout that. Take your time. Fuck I cant imagine losing my spouse and my fucking mom in the same goddamn year.”
I somehow get out a “yeah..” before I put on some music so I can cry while I look out a window thinking about everything. I couldn’t help but think if I had never moved away somehow it might’ve made a difference. Before I knew it we were pulling into the parking lot of the sons of anarchy club house parking lot. Looking over at me Angel asks, “You ready? Cause I could totally drive around town for as long as you need.”
I shake my head no, flattered at the lengths he will go for me. “NO I’m as ready as I’ll ever be. Lets get this over I guess.” With that we get out of the car and go into the club house Angel and I are met with the whole club greeting us with hugs and condolences. In the back of the room I see my brother and the lawyer waiting on me. Its almost five pm now so Angel and I must have made pretty good time. Walking over to my brother, Angel sits at the bar with Tig, Chibs, and Happy. Jax stands to give me a hug.
He whispers into my ear “How are you holding up?”
I pull away from the hug and mutter an “I’m alright you?”
Jax shrugs, looks at the lawyer and asks, “So what do we have to do?”
The lawyer starts going over mom’s wishes and such. I am only half listening because I cant shake the feeling as I watch Jax, that Happy was right. Jax is acting weird, and his and mom’s relationship was always strained for on reason or the other. After the lawyer leaves, Jax looks at me. “you look like you spaced out most that meeting, are you ok?”
Stunned by my sudden of set of balls, “Do you know who did it?” I blurt out. Knowing fulll well if he did, he would more than likely lie to me. You know club politics and all that bullshit.
Jax blinks looking annoyed and asks almost in a warning tone, “Do I know who did what?”
Now I was getting annoyed. “Cut the shit Jaxon. I know damn well nothing happens in this town without you knowing who and why. And if you don’t know when it happens you normally know within 24 hours. So do you know who killed mom and juice. I deserve to know.”’
Jaxon clenches his jaw grabs my arm and pulls me into the church room. “What the fuck was that?” he hisses to which I just shrugged my shoulders and crossed my arms. He huffs, sits down and lights a smoke. “Yeah I know, the answer to both you’re questions but you thinking you DESERVE anything when I had to protect you from yourself is laughable.”
Now extremely pissed and tears ready to fall, I near yell “That’s fucking golden coming from the dude who went bat-shit and shot my father after his best friend died, which wasn’t his doing by the way.” I humorously laugh and continue my tangent “It’s not like you’ve been the poster boy on fucking grieving since your wife and Opie died so yeah I think I deserve to know who killed my husband and our mom you egotistical dickhead.”
Jax stood up less than amused, “You wanna know?” close to my face and also near screaming, “Your husband was a fucking rat, sold out the club. Then to add insult to injury he knew who killed Tara all along. Only told me shortly before I ordered the hit on him. That’s why he was stabbed I mad it fucking easy on him it could’ve been a lot fucking worse on him sweetheart! And as far as our dear ol mommy, she is the stupid bitch that killed my wife because she doesn’t know to to listen! Keep fucking testing me though little sister.”
Stunned at what I just learned, I slap the shit out of my brother and full on scream “Who the fuck do you think you are? You can just do this and fucking get away with it? You piece of—”
I was cut off by Jax placing his hand on my mouth “could you keep it the fuck down?”
As he removes his hand, I glare at him and hiss “why so you could kill me too?”
Jax’s face seems to relax almost looking ashamed now, “No I don’t want to kill you. I know you had nothing to do with this, and I plan on bringing my sins to the club but for now, this stays between us. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was just trying to make my pain go away, but it didn’t, with juice I figured it was cause I didn’t do it myself. But with Gemma as fucked up as she is, she’s still our mom..”
Jax runs a hand over his face and now I know who the real heartless killer was, it wasn’t happy it never was, it was always hidden as family. “That’s on you and god Jax. I font know if we could ever fix this now.” I gestured in-between us. He shook his head, with tears streaming down my face I walked out of the chapel, grabbed angel and asked.
“You still up for going for a drive? I cant be in here.”
Angel nods and we head out knowing full well I’ve have to face Jax tomorrow for moms service.
To be continued…
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yennefer-stark · 3 years
Text
Rehab of a soldier
Part two
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Almost at midnight, I heard a scream wich reached the inside of my bones. Like he experiencing physical pain... I immediately ran to him.
-Hey... It's just me, Yennefer, can I come in?
-Please... --his voice was broken and quiet as he tried to holding back his tears.
-You had a bad dream --I sat down in his bed and swiped away his cold sweat. He didnt know what I wanted, so he sat there, completely frozen; when Buck realized that I mean no harm for him, he closed his eyes and leant into my palm-- Can...can you tell me your dream?
-They wiped me again because I said I knew him, the man on the bridge.
-You were right Bucky, You know who he is. Your childhood best friend. He still remember you even if you doesn't.... Should I go or should I stay?
-Please, stay with me...
-Are you sure?
He doesnt answered, just nodded with his head, so I laid next to him, because there wasnt so much space in his bed. For me, his hug with his metal hand was a surprise. I started to play with his hair. Once again, he froze by a sudden, then again, he relaxed. The next day, I woke up in an empity bed, I walked to the kitchen, where Steve cooked something, the radio quietly played some music.
-Do you met with him?
-Buck? No, I didnt.
-He might went to buy a few thing. I found him yesterday at the museum. He sat at your picture and he said, he remember one single date. July 4, 1918. After 70 years of torture and being frozen constanly, he still remembers.
-My birthday, and trust me, he remember much more than that. What do yo think, why we do this in secret?
-What kind of program he has in his arm? Unknown HYDRA right? When dad was an UNI student he hacked the Pentagon...
-How much time do you need Yennefer?
-Thats on Buck's arm... If something can go wrong, It will go bad sometime for sure. I dont want to be a bad person, but I'd be happy if his robotic arm cant fucntion properly. Do you spoke with Thor?
-No. He doesnt know where Loki went, he still search him.
After a few minute, Bucky come back from shopping, looked at me, than Steve, dead in his track. He arranged his face back to normal, while Steve just wanted to hug him.
-Not now Steve.
-Long time no see Buck.
-Long time ago? I dont remember. ... I think my name is Bucky and we went to italy...? And at another misson I fell from the train...?
At the end, Steve hugged his ex-assassin best friend, who pushed away him.
-Why did you do this?
-We used to greet like this.
-Really? Coz I remember only one date... July 4, 1918. I try to remember things, but after a time, it hurts... And I cant remember much more than that.
He placed the plastig bag in the table, then he went up to his room, he may closed the door with his metal hand, coz Steve an I heard a loud crashing sound.
-If the door is still in It's place it's a luck, that was forceful...
-True, but what I've done?
-You? You did nothing wrong, just your presence is new for him. Yesterday night he was so calm... He leaned into my hand when he figured out that I mean no harm to him.
-He doesnt seemed like a sleepless person, what did you done?
-It's... my secret, but if you forgive me, I have other things to do. Captain.
With a slightly evil grin I turned away from him, and then I went up to Bucky's room. The door wasnt there, just the frame.... The man behind the door's piece was stressed and tense. When he saw me, his eyes radiated pure fear and started to backing away.
-I didnt wanted to destroy the door, I'm sorry. I think something happened with my hand...
-Come on, I can do something with it.
-What can you do with it?
-You'll see, trust me.
I saw the pure terror and complete fear in his eyes as he leaned against the wall. I dont know what HYDRA did with him, but I'm sure they broke him into million pieces and this fact broke me a bit too.
-Before I start this whatever, I will ask you a few question, but I dont know that... You're able to answer the questions...
-What questions?
-How much do you want to be free? How much do you want to know them dead?
-So you say, I will be free and no longer under commands? Finally I can be free from them?
-Yes. I can guarantee that.
-Who are you?
-Lemme say, that you met with my grandparents...
His face was so pale when I said that he met with them. After I implanted the blocker, he experienced a littlebit of pain, coz he didnt used to have opinions and peace, and the program just blocked all of those. I meant the HYDRA-programs...
-You might have nightmares still, but at least, they cannot use you anymore. You're free Buck.
-If I find Rumlov or Pierce... I'll kill them without hesitation.
-Take it easy Buchanan, you have so much time. Will you come with me for breakfast?
-They rarely call me like that.
-I hope that it isnt a problem.
I walked into the kitchen with a smirk on my lips, where the Captain raised one of his eyebrows and asked me with that.
-I think he's super confused, and I'm sure those bastards will come to take him back.
Bucky was still afraid but he walked with more confidence than last night. I know it that he need some time to get used to his new surroundings and that fact he doesnt need to kill anymore. The program blocked all of the HYDRA commands. But still, he looked at Steve like he doesnt know him.
-You said that we used to be very good friends...
-You said to me that you're with me till the end of the line.
-I hope you didnt done anything stupid...
-I can not promise that...
-Steve... Dont lie. Or do I need to tell that you love jumping out from planes without parachute? Or that story when you fall 100 meters when we smoked out the HYDRA from SHIELD?
-You didnt changed a damn thing.
We sat down and ate all our breakfast and after that, Steve washed away the dishes, then went away, coz he had serious things to do, he left heavy silence between me and Bucky. His cerulean-greyish eyes hide the most, almost unbearable pain, his walnut brown hair softly framed his features and it was long as Loki's hair...soulder lenght with a little bit of stubble. Completely different from Loki, but as charming as him... But I dont need to pining on things like that, but still... Months went away sinse we had a really heated argument and at the end, I made him leave. He left me in his trademark scent: cinnamon, mint, pine forest and old book.
-What are you thinking about?
-Nothing. Why you would be interested in my problems?
-Its good to tell your problems to strangers.
-But I know who you are.
-You stil can tell me.
-I dont want it.
-You want me to find out?
-Just ask Steve then, he knows what my problem is... I trained with him in the gym, in fact till this day, buf... I got a friend who doesnt liked this..
-Thats good, coz you can train with Steve.
-No, no. Dont misunderstood the situation. He was the best; in everything, well, almost everything.
-How he looked out?
-Tall, like the door over there, shoulder lenght black hair, and gorgeous green eyes. They were envious of him tho... Our relationship doesnt started so well. It's still hard to talk about but this happened almost a year ago... I mean... Our quarell...
-How...how much time do you two...?
-Almost four years. But if you dont mind, I'm going to my room and do some paperwork.
The truth was that I wanted to cry alone, in my room which was still full of Loki's scent.... That doesnt matter that other metal things were here, the God was way stronger. This was the main cause why I cried, but his abscene... was at such level that I started to cry when I saw green... After a few minutes I heard a quiet knock on my door, so I opened up with cried-out eyes.
-Still doesnt matter what's the problem?
-Yes, coz if I tell you, you will laugh at me...
-Why would I do that?
-Soo... I had a very serious and heated quarell with him, and I made him go away. That was a mistake tho; and I start thinking that he's with another.
-Let it go, but as I see, it's not easy to do. Since there is such a scent in your room?
-Since I met with him. It's his trademark scent.
-My hand...
-Do I need to fix it again? I can paint something if you want. Just say it.
-No. What do YOU need?
-Nothing? I have everything. Family, job, money, adrenalin, stress. --he moved closer, and grabbed my hand with his right. As if he knew what powers I own, he looked right in my eyes.
-I'm traumatised, not blind. Dont think that I wont see what you miss.
He let go of my hand, and left me in my room. I went after him, maybe too fast, coz he frooze in his track, and this was the moment I almost regret my whole life.... I kissed him, thanks to an accident. He may thought that I wanted to do because he hugged me at my waist. When I pulled away, Bucky smiled like Loki used to. Not in the mischievous way, more likely in a happy way.
-I...I didnt wanted ...
-I do. Do you want it again?
-I dont know... I have a boyfriend...
-Who went missing a year ago, let it go, you deserve better.
-But you didnt know.... He's not from earth.
-Then Pierce, Rumlov and Zola too...
@winterbuckytho @i-smell-penniess @itsbuckyb1tch
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bucky-at-bedtime · 5 years
Text
Right Under My Nose
Chapter One: An Intricate Idea
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader (Background Steve Rogers x Natasha Romanoff)
Summary: When you lie to your mum about having a date to your brother’s wedding, things spiral swiftly and ridiculously. Suddenly, your thrust into fake-dating your best friend, and everything begins to change.
A/n: I’ve joined the fake dating train lets see how this goes lmao. This story is cliché. It will be full of stereotypes and unrealistic situations, but it will also be fun. It will be cute and funny and writing it bought me a lot of joy. Not everything can be groundbreaking. So, if you don’t mind a few fanfic clichés, please, do read on.
If you want to be tagged, have any questions or just want to chat, send me an ask!
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It’s late when you show up to the bar. You slip into the usual booth, falling boneless against the padded seat and take a deep breath. Tequila-stained leather. Copious amounts of beer. Fried potato. It’s all familiar and comforting. The stress runs away with the breath you let out. Temporarily.
“Sorry,” you huff, brushing the hair back away from your face, “mum called, and I couldn’t get her to stop talking for like two hours.”
When you finally open your eyes, the amused faces of Steve and Natasha are across from you. Bucky is beside you, his hand on your shoulder, jokingly comforting. The cozy bar is dimly lit, strung with fading fairy lights. Your usual booth could be found in the back, a seemingly permanent bowl of hot fries in the middle.
“We thought you might’ve drowned,” Bucky chuckled, gesturing towards the pouring rain that streamed down the windows. You had leant against the brick wall of the bar, under a miniscule amount of shade to avoid getting drenched.
“I wish I had.” You smirked, picking up the full beer bottle they had bought you and taking a swig.
“What did mum want? Is she gonna call me about the seating arrangements?” Steve butted in, questioning you about your mother’s wedding advice. He had popped the question to Nat a mere 6 months ago after a 6-year long relationship. Somehow, they had only become more in love.
“Of course she is, this wedding means more to her than the latest episode of This is Us.” You shook your head gently as Steve smiled proudly, throwing his arm across Nat’s shoulder. “She actually wanted to know who my date for your wedding is.”
The entire bar seemed to fall silent in the wake of your statement.
You watched lamely as Steve choked on his mouthful of beer. Nat was blinking rapidly at you, her eyebrows raised. Bucky just looked confused, staring off to the side as if trying to recall past conversations. The intimidating red-head was the one to break the silence.
“As the people getting married and your best friends,” she started, leaning forward, “I think we are collectively offended that we weren’t aware of your date”
Steve and Bucky nodded their heads in agreement.
You shook your head, attempting to avoid eye contact with all of them. “I don’t have a date. That’s the issue.”
“I’m gonna need someone to explain this one.” Bucky mumbled, brows still furrowed in deep confusion.
You huffed, wished you hadn’t said anything, then started the explanation.
“I, very stupidly, ticked ‘+1’ on Steve and Nat’s invitations. I thought it might give me some incentive to actually find a date.” You winced, realising how dumb the whole idea was. “And if I brought a date, it would show my ex that I’m not going to die alone without him.”
They continued to stare blankly at you. You attempted to spot one of them blinking. Your forehead quickly found the hard, wooden table. “I’ve made it so much worse.”
“So…” Steve’s voice interrupted your attempt to drown in your own anxiety. “Did you tell her that he bailed? Or that he’s terribly ill?”
“Or maybe that he doesn’t exist?” Nat piped up. You glared at her.
“No,” you huffed, “I changed the subject to the wedding and she talked about floral arrangements for 20 minutes.
“You realise my wedding is in two weeks, yeah?” Steve finally took another sip of beer, one eyebrow staying raised.
“Yes, thank you, I realise that,” you switched to glaring at him. You didn’t want to think about it.
“So, what’re you gonna do?” Bucky. His turn to receive a glare.
“That’s a really good question that I have no answer to.”
“You could tell them it didn’t work out?”  Nat suggested.
You groaned and picked up your beer, taking another long drink before replying.
“Mum already doubts that I am in a relationship, she’d immediately suspect I’m lying.”
There was a moment when everybody seemed to run out of ideas. The fairy lights around you winked and flickered, as if to taunt you. Your beer sat almost-empty on the table. You had subconsciously started picking at the label and now only left a sticky residue in its wake. Spending another family-gathering single might actually kill you at this point.
“Well, we’re walking down the aisle together, right?” Bucky, seemingly changing the subject, turned to the couple across the table. They nodded. As best man and maid of honour, the two of you would be paired up for the ceremony. He turned back to you. “So, why don’t I come with you?”
It was your turn to raise a confused brow. “Barnes, what are you talking about?” You looked back at Steve who looked just as confused as you, and Nat, who already seemed to approve of Bucky’s idea.
“I’ll come along and satiate your family, as your boyfriend. Then, after a few weeks or months or whatever, you can tell them we just decided to go back to being friends.”
“Plus,” Nat added, “That could be why you didn’t want to tell them too much – didn’t want anything to change between you and your friend.”
Your eyes widened as they explained, and you watched Steve’s face as it morphed into one of approval.
“So, what? I’ve had this secret boyfriend for months and show up with Bucky?”
“He’s my best friend, mum’d be so mad that we kept this from her,” Steve adds, particularly unhelpful.
“Plus, all of our friends will be there – how would they ever believe that Bucky and I are suddenly together?”
“reveal it now.”
“What?”
“Post a photo on Instagram or something – reveal you’re together before the wedding so nobody is shocked when you show up together.”
You looked over at Steve, expecting him to still look unsure, but there seemed to be a look of approval on his face as he nodded slowly, “yeah, that could work.”  
“You don’t think this is all a bit too complicated just to keep my one dumb mistake a secret?”
“I mean, unless you wanna sit at the singles table with Uncle Simon…”
“Oh god,” you turned to look a Bucky, sitting beside you with an amused smile on his face, “Barnes, you wanna be my boyfriend, temporarily?”
“It would be an honour,” he laughed, before throwing an arm over your shoulders and pulling you close to him.
“Okay, it’s settled then.” You looked back at Steve and Nat. “I have a date to your wedding.”
“Here, I know the perfect photo to reveal your guys’ secret relationship,” Natasha teased, pulling out her phone and scrolling for a few seconds. “I took this when we were at the beach a few weeks back.”
She turned the screen to you and Bucky and you saw yourselves. You were sitting on the sand leaning back with your legs outstretched in front of you. Bucky was situated in between them, resting back against you. Your head was thrown back in laughter at something Bucky had said and he had a massive, cheesy grin on his face. You realised that out of context, this picture looked very intimate.
“Wow – we really do look like we’re together,” you mumbled, taking the phone from Nat to observe the picture more closely. You sent it to yourself.
“Caption it something like ‘Can’t believe he was always right in front of me’ or ‘lucky to have him,’ people will love it.”
You turned back to Bucky before posting it, your brows furrowed in concern. “Are you sure you wanna do this, Buck? Everyone we know is gonna ask about it.”
He shrugged, “I’d do anything for you, baby.”
You laughed and hit his shoulder gently.
“Okay.” You looked down at the Instagram post you had prepared, “I captioned it ‘sometimes the things you need are right under your nose, loveheart emoji’”
With the agreement of your 3 friends, your hit post.
irondaddy: @ms.potts I knew it
sam_the_falcon: wtf
sam_the_falcon: excuse me
witchy-wanda: congrats guys!!
godofthunder: about time these two came to their senses
RUMN Tags
@rumoured-whispers @thatonehumanbeing05 @trashpanda-barnes @extra-terrestrialxx @godisavalkyrie @stan-by-me @rosegoldlilacs @loki-lover-2018 @nearly-whitches @just-a-social-casualty-1 @jbb-bucky0310 @riddle-me-bliss @cant-decide-at-this-moment @buckyinantarctica @pandalandalopalis @lokissoul @chuuulip @feelmyroarrrr 
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niall-is-my-dream · 4 years
Text
Lost Without You - Part Eight
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2695 words
Catch up below
https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/186235732118/lost-without-you-masterlist
Six weeks later
You had just finished sorting out your bag for work when the door buzzer went, it was early only 8am but you knew who it was. After buzzing the person up you went and opened your front door.
"Bonjour, Mademoiselle Emma Pearce?" Hello, Miss Emma Pearce?
"Oui, c'est moi." Yes, that's me.
"J'ai une livraison pour vous. Signez ici s'il vous plait."     I have a delivery for you. Please sign here.
"Bien sur." Of course.
You took the electronic device from the delivery girl, your eyes wandering over the huge bouquet of flowers in her arm as you signed your name.
"Ceux-ci sont pour vous." These are for you. She said with a smile.
"Merci." Thank you. You replied.
You took the bouquet from her and waved her a goodbye. After closing the door you made your way over to your kitchen. When Niall had first started sending you flowers on a weekly basis, you hadn't owned a vase. You'd had to make a trip to the local store a few blocks away to invest in a few. The arrangement was always the same, an exact replica of the flowers he had sent you the day after he met you.
Your city centre Paris apartment was small but perfectly formed. It kind of reminded you of your dorm room actually, a small area with your desk, a kitchenette, the living space had just a sofa and a tv in. Around the corner of the L shaped room was your bed. Off of that was the shower room with a basin and toliet. You were only here for 3 and a half months so the space didn't bother you. A big two bedroom flat was waiting for you at home in London and anyway you were in Paris it didn't matter about the size of the apartment! You were living the dream and using the degree you had spent three years slugging your guts out at University for.
While lying in bed with Niall the day that you almost lost him, you had agreed to FaceTime weekly on a Sunday and to text everyday. Even if either of you were busy, a simple heart was to be sent to show you were thinking about the other.
Hearts were sent frequently from both of you, especially when Niall was in the U.S. Time differences made it difficult for you to both be free to speak at the same time everyday. Work was busy for both of you and the messages over the last four days had been just full of hearts, some from you and some from him.
Being in the Paris office of Foundation Interior Designs was amazing but challenging. Luckily you had taken A-Level French so could hold a decent conversation and read an email. Google translate was also your best friend. Everyone was sweet in the office and you had made friends with Francine and Gabriel. You went for coffee together and they had invited you to dinner with some of their friends.
You definitely missed Hannah and Jess, although they had already taken advantage of your living status and caught the Eurostar to Paris three weeks after you arrived. You had spent the weekend with them being a tourist and chatting about anything and everything.
When you're used to seeing someone everyday it is strange when all of a sudden they are no longer living right there in the same city as you. You missed hugs from Audrey and obviously her coffee and pastries. You missed joking with Jasper and Luke at the pub, but most of all you missed Niall.
And he was coming to stay the night in 2 sleeps time. In fact he was staying two nights.
He had been the one to count it down in sleeps. When he knew his plans for definite, he had text you a count down of when you'd get to be together.
Niall was in London at the moment, just a short flight or train ride away. He had interviews on some of the main UK radio stations and was then coming to Paris to appear on a Saturday morning broadcast. Then he was yours until he flew to Germany on Monday morning.
You had estimated him to have about 44 hours with you and you couldn't wait.
Being apart had been hard, but your slight wobble about it was past you. 
Ok major wobble.
You'd been so confident when you'd first met him. But as time went on and your feelings grew you had found yourself to be a complete mess. Having always been someone who didn't take risks, being with Niall was a big one. The constant travelling and being apart and his high profile status were just a few of the things that worried you. Getting hate because you were with him was a worry, but the main thing you were concerned about was getting your heart broken.
You put the flowers that had been delivered in a vase and placed them on your coffee table. The ones from last week were still blooming, those were sitting on your chest of drawers in the bedroom area. Taking the card between your fingers you opened it to find just a few words.
Just 2 more sleeps now Petal. Can't Wait! N x
When you arrived at the office an hour later you got yourself a coffee and set to work. You hadn't been sure what your internship role would entail, but you were pleased that it wasn't just making coffee or note taking. Jacqueline was the boss in the Paris office and her fiery red hair made her look feisty and fierce, but she was actually a really sweet woman. She wanted to make sure you learnt everything you could from her and her team while you were in Paris.
With a huge contract coming in just a week after you arrived, you found yourself in full on design mode. Everyone's ideas for a full refurbishment of a stunning hotel in a town not far from Paris were taken on board. 
You had just finished up some ideas for the main reception area a few hours later when Gabriel came by your desk.
"Coffee break?" He asked. Although your day to day meetings were in French a lot of the time, your colleagues were sympathetic to you and would often speak in English to you.
"Yes please."
The break room was empty when you arrived, and Gabriel went straight for the coffee machine. After being in the office for 7 weeks now, you had got to know him and a few of your other colleagues well.
"Do you have any plans for this weekend? Christopher and I are heading out for food and drinks Saturday night." He asked you as he made the coffees.
"I'm sorry I cant, I have my boyfriend coming in for the weekend."
"Oh I forgot, are you excited?!" He replied as he handed you your cup.
"Yes! I've missed him. Can't wait to spend the whole weekend with him."
"He hasn't been to visit yet has he?"
"No, he's been busy with work."
"It's sad that you've had to be apart for so long."
You nodded in agreement but didn't say anything, choosing to take a sip of your coffee instead. It wasn't that you were keeping Niall a secret or anything but you weren't ready to share that your boyfriend was Niall Horan. You had kept information of your relationship to yourself. Privacy was really important to Niall and you respected and understood that. All your work colleagues knew was that he travelled a lot with work and that his line of work was music. You hadn't elaborated anymore than that. In fact the only people who were aware that you were in a relationship were Hannah and Jess, your parents and your brother Rob.
Gabriel asked about your plans for the weekend and you weren't sure what you and Niall were planning to do. He wiggled his eyebrows and laughed telling you to at least venture outside to see some sights. You blushed at his words and he laughed even more.
*********
When Saturday finally arrived you got up early to prepare for Niall's arrival. Usually on a Saturday morning you would have a lie in. The days at your internship were long and there was a lot to learn so by the time the end of the week came your mind was flooded with information. But with Niall due in just a few hours you were up, dressed and your small studio apartment was spotlessly clean.
Making your way down the stairs of your building you wrapped your coat around you as you braced the October morning. With no car you were happy to see it wasn't raining and would be able to make the 20 minute walk to the supermarche. With hardly any food left in your fridge, you had planned on stocking up on some things for your weekend with Niall. 
After buying too much stuff to carry home, you caught a taxi back and managed to get all the bags up the three flights of stairs and put away before Niall arrived. 
When the buzzer went off you to alert you that he had arrived, you couldn't help but feel the butterflies in your tummy. Finally after almost 7 weeks you'd get to see him again. Reaching for the button, you held it for a moment as you spoke.
"Hello."
"Hi, it's me." He said.
"I'll buzz you in, straight up the stairs, three flights unfortunately!" You replied smiling.
A quick check of your appearance in the mirror was of no use. Even if you weren't happy about it, Niall would be at the door in just a few minutes. A pair of plain black leggings and an oversized off the shoulder burgundy top was what you had chosen to wear this morning. You'd fretted about it for ages before deciding that keeping it cute and casual was the way to go.
Making your way to the door, you opened it just as Niall had reached the bottom of the last staircase. His eyes never left yours as he made his way up the steps. Your body suddenly felt flush under this gaze.
He had his large leather overnight bag on his shoulder and some similar sized paper shopping bags in one of his hands.
As he crossed over the threshold you couldn't help but breathe him in. Your fingers were shaking with anticipation as you closed the door and locked it. Niall had placed his things down on the floor by the side of the sofa and took the few steps towards you as soon as his hands were free of his belongings.
"Missed ya so fucking much." He whispered as he took your hands in his and wrapped them around his neck.
"Missed you too." You whispered back.
Resting his forehead against yours, he gently nudged your nose with his. You had only been apart once before, when Niall had spent three weeks in L.A. at the start of your relationship. At the time you weren't even sure of what the two of you were. All you knew was that you'd been so desperate for each other when he came to your dorm when he arrived back in the UK, that you both were still half dressed as he fucked you against your dorm room door.
This time however when he finally brought his lips to yours he was savouring every minute of the kiss, taking his time to reacquaint your lips with one another. The feeling of your body finally being held close to his was what caused you to melt against him. Allowing him to lead the kiss, when your body was high from the feeling that you'd been missing.
Who knows how long you'd stood by the door kissing each other. Time meant nothing at that moment.
Niall's lips moved from your lips and across your jaw, his teeth nibbling at your throat when a satisfied mewl came tumbling from your lips.
He brought his face up to yours at the sound.
"Been so lost without you, so fucking lost. Facetiming just once a week with a few messages in between has been shite."
"You agreed that was what would be best considering our difference time zones." You replied to him, your face buzzing with a smirk at his frustration.
"Well I was fucking stupid." He smirked back. "We need to FaceTime more!"
"Lets not argue about this now. How about I take you to bed and show you how much I missed you?" You said with a wink.
"Well, we are in the city of love." He joked.
You burst out laughing at his answer.
"Oh my god I can't believe you just said that to me!" You snorted.
"What?!"
You continued to laugh until he picked you up and you wrapped your legs around him with a squeal.
"Niall!"
"Come on love let's get you naked."
*******
How long is too long to lay and just stare at one another?
You had no idea how long it had been. His finger tips had been slowly drawing circles on your bare hips. The thick quilt you had on your bed was pulled up to your shoulders and you lay on your sides just looking at one another. 
As much as you loved your city centre apartment, it was an old building and a little drafty. It had bothered you when the weather has begun to turn colder, but right now your naked body was warm and cosy.
"Could lay and watch you all day." You whispered. 
"Mmmm." Niall replied moving closer to you. "Same to you."
His lips brushed softly against yours, tender and sweet.
"Shall we chill out here for a bit, then go do some sightseeing and dinner?" He asked you.
You looked behind him and noticed your alarm clock showed it to 2:34pm.
"Will it be ok for us to be out in the city? Aren't you worried about getting spotted together?" You replied, laying back down.
"It'll be fine. We can go out when it gets dark, I've heard the city is great to explore when everything is lit up. I can ask Basil to come with us if you'd prefer?"
"No, I'm fine about it if you are."
And you were. This was how much your relationship had developed over the last few months. Emma, the non risk taker was taking a big risk being in Paris, being away from home, being in a relationship with a celebrity and you were embracing the risk.
Call it getting older, maturing or just falling in love. You weren't going to shy away from things.
"Well I'm going to jump in the shower and then make us some late lunch. We can head out and grab dinner a bit later. We could go for a cruise along the river and go to this amazing bistro that Gabriel told me about."
"Gabriel?"
"Yeah, my friend from work. I told you about him. He and Francine have been great, inviting me out with them and stuff since I arrived."
"Oh yeah, I remember." He replied, and you could instantly hear the jealous tone in his voice.
You couldn't wipe the smirk off your face at his reaction.
"Gabriel is married." You said slowly. "To someone named Christopher."
His eyebrows furrowed.
"Oh..... Hey I never said anything." He replied, trying to act innocent.
You laughed at his jealous nature.
"Niall you're the one who's a lusted after musician, shouldn't it be me that acts jealous?!"
"I wasn't acting jealous!" He protested.
"Yeah you were, but it's quite cute actually."
"Wasn't." He mumbled.
You sniggered at his reaction as he cuddled into your side. His face resting in the crook of your neck.
"Come on jealous boy, lets get showered and changed. I'll make us a late lunch."
"Stay and cuddle for five more minutes." He begged, his breath tickling your neck causing goose bumps to erupt on your skin. "I've missed you."
Part nine
https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188653210248/lost-without-you-part-nine
Tag list
@awomanindeniall
@horanscran
@flnialler
@winchesterwife27
@ihearthemcallingforyou
@niallismymuse
@someoneunimportantxx​
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crystallized-iron · 4 years
Text
Fic Recs
I really don’t read as much as I should, but there have been some really great ones. MCU and X-Men recs under the read more.
I think... if I counted right, this is 25 recs here. I may have gotten carried away a little bit. Enjoy.
--- --- ---
Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Kellyscams Rating: Explicit
Steve's just moved back to Brooklyn after spending ten years in California trying to make a life for himself as an artist right after high school. Having escaped to the other side of the country following the sudden death of his mother, Steve feels guilty about abruptly leaving all his friends for so long, unfulfilled, scared and nervous about started college at his age, and unbelievably lonely. So when he meets Bucky Barnes, a young sex-worker, at a bar the night before his first day of classes, temptations might be too high to resist.
One night paying for sex with the most sinfully gorgeous guy is nothing to brag to the papers about, huh?
S'not like he'll ever see him again anyway...
...Right?
And we pulled each other like gravity by hllfire Rating: Explicit
Erik accompanies Charles, Crown Prince of the Xavier Empire, to his first diplomatic meeting on the planet Themis, where he finds out something about the Prince and they end up talking about the past and how their paths had crossed before.
Fill for the Day 1 of Cherik Week: Space AU.
Bitter Sweet by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen
Bucky comes home from the war, finds out he has a daughter he never knew existed and now he must cope with life after the war while taking care of her.
Alternate timeline where Bucky's rescued after falling from the train, but Steve was never told and goes into the ice anyway.
Broken by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit
It took months of therapy for Bucky to break his Winter Soldier conditioning, and Steve was there for him, encouraging him to talk about his past, his fears, his time as the Soldier. And Bucky talked about everything-- except why the barest mention of an Alpha makes him panic. When Steve brings Bucky home, Alpha!Tony is ready to welcome Bucky with open arms and wings, but Bucky can't look at him, can't be in the same room without his wings flaring out to keep the Alpha away, a broken Omega panicking in the presence of a strong Alpha. But Tony is a good Alpha, and the team pulls together to help Bucky, showing him what it means to be loved, to be healthy and whole, and one day when Tony holds his hand out, Bucky trusts him enough to take it. And Bucky realizes that with a family behind him, with the safety hes found in the Omegas, the companionship from the Betas, and the unconditional love from the Alpha--HIS alpha, he isn’t broken at all. But with a team like the Avengers, tragedy is never far off, and this one rocks the family to their core. How can they fix the broken pieces of their lives when their Alpha is gone?
Close to you, I’m home by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen
As Erik is searching the manor, he finds something strange in the attic. He knows that he needs to go to Charles, if he wants some answers. After all, why would there be a nest in a small dusty attic room, when there were countless rooms with ridiculously soft beds all around the manor?
Goodbye Brothers by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen
A look at Dum-e during the events of Iron Man 3 and beyond.
It’s Not What You Think... by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen
Bucky walks in on Tony dirty talking in the lab but it's not what he thinks.
Letters to Bucky by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit
Stuck in rehab after a near-fatal accident, Tony reaches out via letters to a soldier overseas, and Bucky is more than happy to write back, drawn to Tony for a reason he can't quite name. One or two letters turn into a years worth, then come the phone calls, with Tony quickly realizing that Bucky's voice, with that rolling Brooklyn accent might be his new favorite sound. When Bucky shows up unannounced at Tony's door, one thing leads to another and maybe a confession or two is made. But Bucky's tour overseas isn't over yet, not even close, and they have months more of distance between them. Then Bucky disappears, missing in action, and Tony doesn't know if he will ever get his soldier back. And if Bucky DOES make it home, will he be the same boy from Brooklyn who sent Tony love poems, or has his time away and his injuries changed him for good?
BONUS CHRISTMAS CHAPTER ADDED 12/10/18
Let your light shine by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen
Inspired by Moomin TV series from 1990 and the episodes “The invisible friend” and “The invisible Child”. It’s the start of the summer break and Erik, a 13 year old boy living in a small house with his mother in the outskirts a small(ish) English town, is stuck in home because of the rain. The evening seems to get interesting though, when a strange man arrives with an invisible telepath boy and asks them to help him become visible again.
Loving a Vampire by Feelingsinwinter Rating: Mature
In the 19th century, Tony is a greatly appreciated and skilled inspector. His dire need to find the murderers and killers to every case he is given is well known among the people and while it doesn’t always help him to get the answers he needs, at least it makes it easier to convince people to talk to him. When Mary Ann Nichols is found dead, Tony Stark doesn’t know the investigation will put his life in harm’s way, put his marriage with one James Buchanan Barnes on shaky ground and shove him in a situation he wasn’t ready to face.
When a murderer does their best to earn the name of a monster, Tony is ready to do anything to stop them.
My beacon in a storm that is the world by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen
Erik hated this planet. And he had seen a few along the years as a pilot of the most troublesome research team that had ever existed.
Or, they find a new alien species and Erik catches a bad case of feelings ragarding his relationship with Charles.
Of Broken Dreams and Mended Hearts by Kellyscams Rating: Explicit
When the House of Barnes is left in massive debt after the death of George Barnes, their oldest son and heir, Bucky, is forced to sacrifice his own hopes and dreams by entering an arranged married to Steve Rogers. Steve seems kind enough, has a prominent job in the government, and was even voted Society's Best Catch. But the House Rogers is significantly higher in status than Bucky's family, which means Bucky is marrying up in Society, and marrying up doesn't only come with rewards, it also comes with certain...expectations and losses--some of which Bucky might be willing to do anything to avoid. And those opportunities might come his way.
Unless, of course, he actually starts falling in love with his new husband...
Pirates Heart by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Explicit
The 1700s, the Golden Age of Piracy, and Captain Steve Rogers has all he wants: a ship, a loyal crew, Bucky at his side, and the horizon offering a new adventure everyday. But an impulsive kiss gone wrong leads to a marriage between Steve and Tony Stark, and now Steve doesn't know what to do about ANYTHING. Steve loves Bucky, but something about Tony draws him in. Tony is too innocent for this life, but he picks up a sword anyway. Bucky is Steve's, but when he offers his hand to Tony and now the three of them are something new. When the truth about Steve's mission to ruin the Stark name comes out, Tony runs away, leaving Steve and Bucky behind in search of answers to the secrets hidden from him his whole life-- about his company, about Uncle Obie, about his parents death.
Steve and Bucky cant abandon their mission against Stane and Tony cant deal with the answers he finds in New York. Is this the end? Is Tony gone forever? Or will he leave his old life and return to the sea and the Pirates that hold his heart?
**BONUS CHAPTER ADDED 2/4/19!!** **BONUS CHAPTER ADDED 5/15/20!!**
Random Encounter by g33kyclassic Rating: Explicit
Charles is just a typical London commuter...until he sees the most gorgeous man on earth standing a few feet away from him.
Regret is in the past by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen
Six years after first class, the cold war escalates and the missiles are fired, destroying the world as it was known. Those who managed to live, fight for survival against each other and against the living dead. One would think that the mutants have advantage, but Shaw was wrong in his assumption that the radiation would make them stronger. On the contrary, it made them weaker, their powers only half of what they used to be. In this world of waste land, Erik and what’s left of the brotherhood are trying to survive. It’s five years later, they are cornered by the zombies while they were trying to gather supplies in abandoned town. The situation seems hopeless, until a silver haired boy appears out of nowhere and tells them to be ready to run.
Small Indiscretions (Can Save the World) by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen
Captain Steve Rogers has defeated the Red Skull but lost his own life in the process, leaving behind a grieving Peggy and guilt-ridden Howard Stark. After looking to Howard for comfort following her great loss, Peggy finds herself facing the scariest mission she’s ever encountered: motherhood.
While this news is devastatingly unwanted for Peggy, Howard sees this as a golden opportunity to give his bride Maria the child she never thought she could have. With a little convincing and promises that she won’t have to be involved with the child’s life if she doesn’t want to be, Peggy agrees to keep and have the baby for the Starks, own personal comfort be damned. She wasn't planning on it being so hard, or finding someone she didn't want to lie to along the way. AKA what if Peggy Carter was more than just Tony Stark’s badass aunt?
The Consequence of Hiding by g33kyclassic Rating: Explicit
Charles is completing his PhD at Oxford when he finds himself in dire need of a new job to support himself and Raven. Erik is a grumpy Mutant Student Counsellor who has yet to fill his student assistant position. Enter Prof. MacTaggert and her matchmaking ways to bring her student and her friend together (in platonic, professional compatibility, of course). Will things stay platonic for Charles and Erik? Only time will tell.
The Funeral by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Teen
Tony attends the viewing and funeral of his parents. The other members of the company's board are not amused by his actions there.
The Risks by OneWithoutAName Rating: Teen
Inspired by post on Tumblr It takes Erik by surprise how Mystique doesn't seem to remember just how much Charles has done and risked for them, for their kind. But it seems that Erik wasn't quite aware of the risks either.
The Robot Who Could Feel Pain by slightly_salty_ace Rating: Teen
In which Tony leaves Afghanistan more machine than human. Or rather, Iron Man leaves Afghanistan. To the world, Tony Stark is dead.
Or...
Steve is convinced that Iron Man is just a robot with sass because the future is a strange place and he's stopped questioning things.
But when someone from Tony Stark's past returns, putting Iron Man in danger, Steve is forced to start asking questions. Specifically questions about his feelings towards a certain red and gold robot.
The Shared Dream by TurtleTotem Rating: Teen
Charles's cryo-pod malfunctions and wakes him up a century before everyone else. Will he spend the rest of his life alone on a ship full of sleepers? (A Passengers AU.)
The Soldier by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Explicit - Read Warning and Tags!
There's something wrong with Bucky. Something very wrong and it may have dire consequences for his friends and loved ones.
Time Falls Away by NotEvenCloseToStraight Rating: Mature
The Battle of New York: Tony flies himself and the nuke through the wormhole and when his suit shuts down and he starts to fall, he knows he's going to die. But then he wakes up in an alley in Brooklyn, two strangers staring down at him in confusion and Tony is sure he is dreaming when he shakes hands first with pre-serum Steve Rogers, and then Bucky Barnes. Trapped in 1942, Tony befriends Steve, and falls in love with Bucky but America is at war, and Bucky and Steve ship out to join the cause. Tony knows all the stories about the Howling Commandos and knows what’s coming for the soldiers, and has to live through history as first Bucky falls, and then Steve disappears. Tony is left alone in the 40's, crying himself to sleep in the house he had shared with his best friend and his lover. But then he wakes up on the pavement in New York, the Hulk roaring in his face, Steve staring down at him, and he has to wonder if it was all a hallucination. When Tony fell through the sky, did he fall through time as well? Why does Steve act so cold towards him? Were he and Bucky really that happy together?
Did it all really happen, or is Tony in love with a life he can only have in his dreams?
We want the same thing by hllfire Rating: Mature
Charles is locked up underground, where his telepathy won't be a problem, deemed too dangerous now to be kept free. Erik pays a visit.
Fill for the Day 2 of Cherik Week: Dark!Charles.
Your Love Alone Is Not Enough by LadyDarkPhoenix Rating: Explicit - Read Warning and Tags!
In an alternative post Civil War, Clint and Bucky fell in love and tried to make a life together. But then Thanos happened and Clint embraced the darkness within himself trying to cope with all his loss.
This is how after Bucky returned, Clint still can't cope with what happened and who he's become. How even though he seems to have it all, his own mind is his now his greatest enemy. Bucky tries to help but how do you help someone that doesn't believe he should be saved?
3 notes · View notes
mikkock · 4 years
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Uhm??????? Unacceptable?? Please tell me more about your OCs in that last art? I demand it? I want a full report on my desk before morning? Cite your sources please?
Oh no,, you’re asking,,, about my own faves,,, sorry to everyone, but I guess im never going to shut up ever now. (i already don’t shut up ever, what have u done, im now going to speak so much that society will collapse AT LEAST)
But for real. I enjoy pretending I don’t have faves, I love all my kids the same, buT WE ALL KNO THAT’S A LIE, those two my fave bitches (they snatched that title from the last two faves, rip to them, and they also snatched, n I must really make that clear, the title of “the bitches with the most AUs from the previous previous faves. Their power.)
SO. Get ready for a ride, table of content: them, their respective character, their story, and the pLETHORA OF ALTERNATE STORIES I GAVE THEM because i must yell about all the versions of my kids i have (non-exhaustive cause its that serious bro, but ill take extra time for the universe depicted in that art just for u bby). (tbh if clamp is allowed to sprinkle their fave gays in all their universes so am i, except they aint secondary characters there, every story is just theirs. love that concept.)(itll be so long you’re getting a whole novel even if i have to post it in two posts)
So~ Em twos. Dari n Wei-wei as I call em, or Dumbass n Egg if you wanna get friendly.
They’re my proudest instance of “oops i made a squad of characters, and two of them just accidentally were so perfectly compatible and complementary oh no I guess they’re in love now.” And then they became my favourite. Cause I guess their potential was too much (jk its bc they hot)
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cuties.
I spent ten minutes wondering which to introduce first cause dang son, I want to talk bout them both so much shefjgfdg
First, as I technically designed him first (like ten minutes before the other), my man weiwei. if u ever saw my art its impossible that you havent seen him at least once. cause i’m legit always drawing him. cause im in love bro.
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Demonstration : here are my computer scribbled weiweis of 2020 so far (with a few daris there n there they’re a package deal), that i could find, and they do not include all the paper sketches that i’m too lazy to take pics of. (i just been drawing him with so much hair these days that’s illegal, his brand is baldness)
But anyway, he’s CHEN Chia-Wei, he’s 21, he’s Taiwanese n I love him. Two very important facets of his character when you meet him: he doesn’t talk, and is absolutely, in every single dimension, built to make you fall head over heels for him.
He’s (in the “canon” storyline if i may call it that since it’s def not my most developed one but oh well) an art student, mostly paints but is also great at photography and videography (his vibe is busy hectic pieces with strong bold colours, lots of harsh edges, and very people focused).
Aside from that, he’s also super into fashion, and because he’s part of the rich boy squad (the “im broke so im giving half my characters wealth in compensation) he Can and Does exhibit some quite funky fits when he feels like it. (maybe a reason I draw him a lot, since my fave thing is pretty boys in weird ass clothes)(and then i also draw him in just casual shit cuz tittiful men in plain white tees you know. there’s just something about it.)
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Small compilation of outfits. ft me and my band handwriting roasting outfits that id also kill to own but ok u know.
He digs music. (i make playlists for my OCs and i gotta say, his is the best one, i spent so many hours researching it, “arranging” it etc n its still a work in progress but dude. she got many moods my fave part is when it suddenly turns into so many cheesy ballads also she’s enormous cause im as wordy in playlists as I am in writing.) listens to a lot, n also he can play piano n guitar. cause you know. heartthrobs got to win your heart with a song (and if he’s alone he can even mumble some songs, who knows maybe even sing em softly, definitly a sight to stumble on accidentally). Big main artists that have his vibes are Hello Nico, No Party for Cao Dong, n Circa Waves’s “what’s it like over there” album.
He does a lot of sports. He ain’t fit through magic, rip to him. He’s got a serious routine, and it’s a time he likes to use alone, cause nothing like running at the break of dawn, alone with your thoughts, which you can just easily forget through the exhaustion of a workout session afterwards.
he also eats. A lot. Food is just good, bro. (the canon story is def happening some place europe aka his biggest struggle is how expensive food is here. outrageous.)
He secretly loves super cheesy movies. the dramatic romcoms??? the cute shows that are just so cute and worriless?? anything involving soulmates??? yeh dude. he watches it, he reads it, he listens to it, and he may cry about it, but no one will know. That’s the one true guilty pleasure. (and he definitly has a collection of romance dvds, books n manhuas in his old room back at the family home. where no one can see it. perks of studying abroad. no one can see ur hoarding of material that clashes your image. “yes i watch edgy experimental things haha yes i love those smart people movies of course wow the philosophy…” and then immediatly goes to watch the trashiest predictable but oh so sweet dramas all night)
While he doesn’t speak (as in with the mouth) he can communicate in a bunch of language, due to having moved around quite a bit. On top of his native mandarin and hokkien, he’s fluent in English, so he can use those to write, and is also fluent in TSL, and pretty good in HKSL (and from that, other close-in-syntax sign languages). So he doesn’t have trouble getting around, but then he is also overall quiet in public (with close friends and over text though, that’s another story, that’s where he gets chattier, and also where you may get more of his true personality). Also, he can speak with his sister. That’s pretty cool bro.
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I was going to say he’s a very “hides his true colours under a shell” type of character but you know, for an egg character, that’s pretty ironic. We love poetic cinema.
He presents himself as a very laid back, chill detached dude, going with the flow and all that great stuff, and masterfully mixes just the right doses of mysterious, flirty and calm to just go around vibing. But ain’t that jUST THE MILLENIAL’S ILLNESS, those dANG KIDS, going around, gettin relationships but never intimacy 👏😢 (there’s more to it dont leave)
First of all, before you see the Drama, the Turmoil, the first thing you notice when you really do befriend him is that he’s c h i l d i s h, he gets sulky when things dont go following the plan, he gets whiny n jealous for not getting attention , he gets competitive over stupid challenges, and way too playful if you start teasing, and when he gets flustered too…you think you get cool stoic dude but actually you get a dude who’s reacting to things with way too much intensity, and boi i thought u were gon be mature what’s that why have you been pouting for three days over losing a bet come on- That’s mostly coming up when he interacts with his sister, but the closest you are to him to more of it you get to see.
He’s also an affectionate dude actually. Like physically. As in you’ll get spontaneous hugs. He’s come nap on your shoulder. That’s a perk of befriending him if you ask me.
Also he tries to look so cool, so tough haha. He’s actually a lil sensitiv boi. he gets fluffy, he gets flustered, he heart eyes. you turn around and he’s gazing at ya as if you were the whole universe. he gets a mini crisis for holding hands with his crush. ya know. he’s secretly a softie.
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nerd.
Then in the “what he doesn’t show” (my fave part), where you stock all the anxieties, all the trauma… Obviously there’s a lot of anxiety here (selective muteness being a symptom of it, he hides the other ones very well) mostly fear of inadequacy, of abandonement and of loneliness. mmmmmmmaybe that’s why he was v reticent to continue pursuing that one guy he was into when he realised he was just a tad too into him oh no is that some,, like?? some lovey-love?? cant have that im afraid of gettin heartbroken bro. Aint that sad for a someone who’s one true goal is just findin someone to love and to be with forever, the struggles of yearnin for a soulmate when there’s nothing you fear more than getting attached to a person and letting them see you and your flaws.., delicious.
Now tho (because its so alone speaking about a character on their own and i just wanna get to the part where i can speak bout em together and how they bring out bits of each others ya kno, the good kush….), Dari…
He’s pretty, i must say, and got the funniest hair to draw, and comes from the most opposite background to weiwei’s.
Darian Andriev PARVANOV, also 21, comes from the remote Bulgarian countryside, but i still love him (this makes it sound as if i wouldnt normally love someone from the bulgarian countryside. its not what i meant. by default ud remind me of my son so you’d start being liked if u came from the bulgarian countryside) Now for the first instance of “wow, the complementarity”. The first thing i thought making Dari was that he looked too cool, and that he obviously was a dumbass, and mostly that he was physically unable to shut up. (o fuck he’s me)
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best picture i could find of him. He’s got the dilemma of “wow he looked so pretty n cool until he opened his mouth” 
He’s ALSO an art student (cause they were initially created for the purpose of filling the gap of “i have ocs in every field except the one i sorta know that’s so stupid”), painting major (def vibes differently than weiwei though, he’s doing those soft pretty landscapes n flowers, everything real pretty and peaceful, we got some impressionism nerd in here folks). 
He was/is a real country boy, farm family, he helped tend the fields, he worked in plantations for pocket money, he knows how to take care of cattle and chicken and goats and all the cool babies you can take care of, he can tell whether the soil is good or not, he can drive a tractor, and doesnt fear dirt.
but then also he’s kind of a neat freak, he hates getting paint on himself, so the duality of man, dirt ok but paint? disgostin. his spaces are real neat and spotless, he likes cleaning (its relaxing) and does it nearly too often.
his dumbassery comes from lack of common sense and impulsiveness, aside from that he’s actually what you’d call “mad smart”, dude had em good grades, he can memorise pages upon pages of the most trivial information, he has an accumulation of knowledge beyond limits, and is good at problem solving. so he can recite all the words of the F letter of the dictionnary, but would also put a curling iron in his mouth to see if it would curl his tongue. (side note, he does have a problem with heat n fire, most his “oopsie how i wound up hurting myself on acccident” story involve burning -that stove was just too tempting…)
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while he doesnt feel very attached to his home country, he does feel strongly for his family. he’d do anything for his mum (and actually does everything to make her proud already, that’s his one main goal), and he’s ready to sacrifice a lot for her (as in, spend years working non-stop a really uncomfortable job so his mother wouldnt have to pay a cent of his expenses even though she said she could by doing some sacrifices herself,and then being ready to come back as soon as needed if anything happened, and potentially drop his career and dream n go back to the farm life to provide for mama)(also he still does hold onto some parts of his home country’s traditions, and does sometimes feel homesick but more in a ‘i left the most beautiful landscapes n the city feels cramped and claustrophobic and i dont know people and i dont feel in the right place cuz im a forreigner with a thicc accent who doesnt master the language of this place and straight up have different body language communicators due to cultural difference oh lord i wanna be home where a nod means no and a head shake is yes i keep misunderstanding everything”)
if you want background noise he’s the perfect pal to call over, he’s just so chatty, he got hours and hours of non stop speech ready for you. you can shut him up once you’re done listening with the offering of food. works everytime.
he’s definitly not shy. neither in terms of talking to people, nor when it comes to making decisions. he’s quite bold, and rarely hesitates to go towards something he wants. he’s direct in his approach to most everything.
he likes partying. mostly the socialising part, talkin to people is just fun ya feel. and being in the crowd, doing whatever, pressure free? ya can dance n enjoy yourself, and people wont notice? yeah that’s nice. but doesnt do it super often cause broke bitches aint got the party time n budget. 
he likes arm. (just an excuse for me to drop this thing here cuz i like it)
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While he’s an overall bubbly looking character, with a cheery loud personnality, he does carry some youth trauma that has him more reticent to engage in happiness, he comes from what you could call “not the wokest background” and he may have fallen victim of it : he’s kind of a flashy noticeable character, both physically and in his personnality, and doesnt exactly matches the expectations of dudes in the area he comes from (delicate, emotional and sweet guy? that doesnt exist bro). He went through it, and it has definitly had some impact on his confidence in many aspects. But he’s 100% the type of guy to put on the fake happy front because if feeling bad is sad, making the people you care about sad for you too is Unacceptable Right??? relying on friends?? what???
But then what are we supposed to be doing with such charming characters huh,,, 
Make them fall in love obviously.
Their story obviously has to do with falling in love and workin a relationship cause if I dont write romance i literally die, but I make the center pivot of all of it communication, and barriers in communications. Most obvious being them coming from wildly different cultures, having different native languages, and also the ways you adapt to muteness (what i love most bout that part is even then they fucked up given the easiest quickest small body language things to communicate are head nods n then i managed to make one come from the one country that reverses those like iconic how do they even understand each other -through a lot of work and love bro) but also on more “introspective” points, how to say things that you are even afraid to think about, how to open up and share your burdens and trauma with someone, how to say words you’ve been convinced you weren’t allowed to, the inner turmoil of communication in short. And then also communication through art, and through alternative unusual ways. If i were snobbish i could call it something like “a thinkpieces on how humans overcome obstacles in communication, and adapt, all for the sake of pursuing love” but fact is its mostly boys being in love n learning how to speak, figuratively and also quite literally. And also its me having fun with making characters evolve from each other, be able to influence each other for the better, helping each other be more comfortable with themselves and express the true things of their personnality, and discover new aspects. I just wanna write intense and soulful love bro.
So in less concept and more facts, weiwei meets dari, dari being his puppy self just immediatly strikes a conversation and weiwei gets interested cause “oho nice pretty boy? very good. i want some of that”. they get closer because you cant fight off the Power of friendship (and also the power of “what your friend is bestie with my friend?? guess we hanging out”) and then friendship and interest turns into pining, held back by respective dread of what romance with the other would mean (as in “romance?? cant have that we cant feel” and “with him?? cant do that, convince yourself he’s just a friend immediatly what would the family think”) but eventually they do have to just crash into one another cause that’s just the gravitational pull bro, its physics bro. and from then on its all unlearning destructive behaviours, bettering oneself with the help of the other, and getting over trauma to finally live ur best life. and gettin fckin married bro they’re both cheeseballs theyll wanna wed
BUT MAKING EM FALL IN LOVE ONCE ISNT ENOUGH time to make 3894853 alternate universes about em.
Lets speak bout my fave of those for a hot second.
First of all, the one of the art that brought this ask, guess i could call it “Pretty Tribes” AU, bunch of tribes live and do their things, having nature and energy powers. Dari n Weiwei’s tribes are bros, the latter’s powers needing them to move around to get energy from different places, enabling them different abilities. So basically they get to hang at the other’s place while the regenerate energy from there, and in exchange they help them out with various tasks (dari’s tribe is a rly farmer oriented one, with plant magic, while weiwei’s got more poyvalent powers, and have very good healers notably, so it comes in handy). The two boys were born a few months apart in their respective tribes, so naturally, anything the two clans meet, they’re put together to play and all, and from that they became besties, and each time they meet, after the gaps of time separating the two groups, they feel more and more of a little something else~ story is themed round growing up, friendship between clans, their traditions and cultures, and pretty boys in pretty clothes in pretty landscapes interacting with nature.
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The superpower AU, i fuckin love it bro. Its an old one, made for other characters, but i just love it so much that i had to inject my faves in it. Its got a grimy ugly setting, bad government, propaganda, and fights between super-people (heavily mediatised for entertainment and reinforcing the idea that “look at these evil villains thank god us the good government protects you from them”), with a side of bad ethics in science. In all that, those two have the role of “those two young enemy warrior and villain, they were so powerful and fought so hard”, public figures, legendary and admired by both sides, everyone followed their fights, til one day they presumably died in one of their showdowns. (haha sike they actually found themselves talking for 5 seconds and realised they lived in a society, n built a plan to run away). The main characters get to find they’re alive because one of em had history with super-warrior-golden-boy and go to seek their help to overthrow the Big Bads. (stealing them from their nice gay cottage hermit life smh so rude)
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Mermaids. I like those. Sailor weiwei sees merman dari, they both save each other in different occasions, they grow fascinated with each other, they’re at sea, water romance. Amazing. AU made half cuz i just like water n fish. and shirtless sailors.
(i couldnt find art of it in five minutes so have a link to that lil animatic piece i made of it once)
Indie band AU, where i was listening to songs that vibe so well with those two in general n then my brain was like “what if they’re the ones playing”. They’re (along with the rest of the art squad) a nice little alternative rock band, doing their thing, then one of their songs blows up, and they get quite the attention, to the dismay of dari who wrote that song in a moment of “oh no im so in love with my bandmate but i cant tell him what if i ruin everything we have going on ill just have to love from afar and deal with that” and now has way too many people interested in who he wrote it about and theorising from his every move when performing it (a mix of music, secret crushes and social media) (ft a picture of neither of them but its the least ugly art i found of this AU cuz its old and instruments are the bane of my existence)(also kelana is so pretty i gotta flaunt her around)
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in kind of the same vibe, as in we’re in a music world overexposed to social media, i also integrated em to an AU i did for fun, “boyband AU” as its called aka idol based band system cuz you kno, i got a hobby, lets apply it. Band boy Dari and bodyguard Weiwei got a thing going on, but can’t really act on it in any way, because they’d just destroy the whole band if it ever came public. Featuring annoying bandmates, catchy pop songs and people making fanaccounts of that one hot Mr.Bodyguard cause dang he hot.
(all the art of this one so ugly im sorry)
SPY AU, one of my fave brand. They spies, they get assigned on the same mission, they work real nice with each other. spies hot. fights. strategy. i just like the concept. Gays taking down the worst traffics imaginable??? I love that song.(i actually have so much on this cause s p i e s are fuckin great)
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Fashion. U kNOW i have an AU for fashion. Supermodel and his private stylist, trying to maintain the line of professionalism. And failing to do so. Lets make out in unpractical designer clothes.
Have an highschool AU for a bunch of characters, injected them as “spinoff”, start chatting online being art buddies, fall in love without meeting (ft. all the iconics of internet friendship like knowing tiny details of their personnalities but not the fact that they have a sister or “waIT ur a GUY i thought u were a girl wow wild good news for my gay ass”)
n those are my faves as far as i remember, i got a fuckton of small other ones that arent fleshed out enough, or some that are more of a guilty pleasure universe, and some that are more like “projects that i can expend on as soon as i run out of daydream material” (like u kno those hospital drama shows with super innacurate medicine n shit like idk scrubs or whatever, yeh i want some of that but im keeping it for later)
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dahniwitchoflight · 5 years
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Candy page 9 to page 11
Oh damn, I actually got sucked into the story a bit that i forget to react at all to 9 and 10, got midway through the 11 johndave convo that i realized oh fuck right i should be writing this shit down
So, interestingly enough, the narrative seems to be implying that Jade wants to do a quadrant polyamorous thing with Karkat and Dave
the little mention of fledgling kismessitude with her and karkat and the later notes of her wanting to fuck both dave and karkat suggests that she wants Karkat in Spades and Dave in Hearts
though funnily enough she might actually want to flipflop between the both of them as well
because the little quip about her being determined to solve relationship problems like math problems and turning their hands flipwise behind her back just reminded me of Karkat’s attempt to partition Terezi between himself and Dave also potentially flipflopping the quadrants the same way
just this time it’s Jade not Terezi and it’s the girl not Karkat being the one to suggest it lol
She does also literally make a diamond with her hands and put Karkat and Dave at the centre of it, suggesting she doesn’t mind them being in a relationship together, but wants monopolyamory of the sexuality part of it
Dave and Karkat stay diamonds in her mind while both take turns being flush or pitch with her
It’s a perfectly mathematical arrangement
John’s not wrong when he says she has the social graces of an elephant lol
But it is clear that she does love them both and is just lonely
Everyone seems to be having similar love troubles
John considering between Roxy and Terezi and since his feelings don’t clearly lie in one direction it makes him feel guilty, cuz even when directly confronted with Dave’s situation he doesn’t really entertain the idea that he could do something similar at all, and feels really uncomfortable with Roxy’s and Calliope’s previous relationship, like he feels bad Roxy has to choose him over her, also not thinking about a love triangle as a solution rather than as a problem
Really laying it on thick the idea of having to choose between one thing or another thing in a black and white this or that only sort of way is a really difficult and tragic way of looking at the situation
Heck, they even talk about how coins flips don’t always mean you have two options
“DAVE: ok so every time you flip a coin youre creating an alternate timeline right”
Meat and Candy are alternate timelines created by a “seemingly” binary choice
“DAVE: one where it lands heads and one where it lands tails”
So choose, Meat, or Candy?
“DAVE: but while the coin is flipping both possibilities exist simultaneously”
A prologue for the epilogues existed, a time before John (The Reader) actually made a choice, but it could no futher until a choice was made, until the coin fell
“JOHN: but what if you knew for sure that you’d make the same decision no matter which side landed up?
DAVE: you cant
JOHN: so... it’s like the coin never lands then?
There is a “correct” decision for both of them, both of them do have an idea of which choice theyd prefer over the other, it’s not equalized to them, but they feel guilty about that
they dance around the idea of there being a third option, but don’t have the words to articulate what that means for them besides “not having the coin ever fall, keep it suspended forever and the choice never has to happen”
Because a Coin can’t land both heads up and tails up
but it can land perfectly on it’s razor edge if you’re lucky
You can actively choose another way, rather than just avoid making a choice
Though it is also unfortunately is also implying that both Dave and John would rather be making one choice over another
Dave doesn’t love Jade romantically, not really, he just feels guilty about her and her situation, Dave loves Karkat and here, the idea makes him panic
John doesn’t love Roxy romantically, not really, he just feels guilty about her and her situation, John loves Terezi, and here, the idea makes him panic
Both of them feel like they should try to love Jade/Roxy, just for reasons that don’t actually involve genuine romantic feeling
John focuses on the setting feeling sterotypically romantic, the diner, the pretty lights, the scene feeling right, looking at everything except her
and then that line about how Roxy’s eyes look like staring into the Void, Roxy being unreadable, and seeming to change between the routes, bringing up topics vaguely, like she’s fishing for an opinion of the person’s she’s talking to
Roxy is probably just a social chameleon, eyes like mirrors reflecting the person next to her
Looking into a mirror, you have to get past seeing your own face in the reflection, and somehow look behind your own head and that’s pretty hard to do in a mirror
then the boys immediately segue back into what it means to make the “right” choice, the “canon” choice
John understand in some way that its not enough to have only two choices, or the option to not choose at all
more and more the third option awakens, just what it will be remains to be seen, written in the leafy green
It’s not without intent that the number 3 is Canon:
Essential, True, and Relevant 
So far, Meat seems to carry what is “Essential” in that it technically fulfills timeloops, hits story beats and moves things along at a good pace in a proper story format, the skeleton layout, the barebones structure
But it feels Irrelevant and ingenuine to what the characters experience, so it feels unsatisfying, it doesn’t feel “right”
it doesn’t feel canon
Candy then is obviously not essential to the story at large, it’s made very clear what happens here is technically without meaning and many of the characters are inundated with that feeling of “it doesn’t matter” irrelevance
but it also is technically truth, this timeline does exist and it did happen, these are not fake events
But since it is ONLY “True”, but not essential or relevant, it feels unsatisfying, it doesn’t feel right
it doesn’t feel canon
What then are we left with? What is missing?
And there IS something missing, they make it very clear with the stuff from PesterQuest so far
You click on the last page of the Homestuck Epilogues, then you scroll down. You read it (1). Then you read it again (2). You scroll down to go to the next section (3) and find... nothing?
What kind of ending was that? Absolutely nothing got resolved!
aka, Nothing Mattered.
Nothing was actually relevant to the story we were told.
We’re missing that hidden third pillar.
John remembers those words, essential, true, relevant, but no other contextual remarks which bind them.
He lost why it matters, he’s lost the context for it entirely. 
Also, random Roxy note: “She grins up at John with shimmering, adoring eyes. They’re reflecting every star in the sky, all for him.”
Yup, she’s a social mirror, that’s why people have trouble getting a good read on her
“It makes his heart do a weird somersault. It tries to flip frontways (1), then backwards (2), and ends up landing on its face instead. (3)”
The Coin tried to flip heads, then tails, then ended up landing on it’s side
the more you look for it, the more evidence there is for that hidden third route, all of the text is cluttered with things happening in threes, first a couple of opposite situations, then a third unexpected one.
“ It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life. “
Told ya, John you got main character-ism, you can’t do anything about affecting people one way or another
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thebeauregardbros · 5 years
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Character Profile : Alus
Full Name: Alus Beauregard Pronunciation: Ah-Loose Beau-Regard (IPA: ɑːljuːs boʊɹəɡɑɹd) Nicknames: Alice (dontcallhimthisunlessyouwannagetyelledat) Height: 5′8″ (a few ilms higher with heels, which he wears ALWAYS) Age: ~24 Zodiac: Nald’thal, The Traders (note: Alus’ actual nameday is unknown, this is just his father’s chosen Guardian to represent his twin sons.) Languages: Common, Some Hingan.
PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS.
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Hair Colour: Golden Blonde Eye Colour: Heterochromia; Right eye is purplish-red, left eye is yellow-gold. Skin Tone: A light tan bronze with a gold-ish undertone. Body Type: Muscular and burly; built for stamina and strength. Long legs. Accent: Some sort of hybrid of the fancy speech of the high Ishgardian nobility and the common (British?) Ul’Dahn. He tends to sprinkle his speech with “thous” and “thees” he picked up as a follower of Urianger, and only ever uses contractions when particularly frustrated or flustered. Dominant Hand: Right-handed Posture: Ridiculously perfect at all times; it actually comes off as too stiff or formal to most people as he practically never lets his posture relax. Scars: Countless large and small upon his chest, back, stomach, arms, thighs... none on his face. He covers evidence of his scars well with his habit of constantly wearing discreet formal clothing. Tattoos: None.
CHILDHOOD.
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Place of Birth: Unknown - Found outside Ul’dah, at the church of Saint Adama Landama. Hometown: None; adopted son of a constantly travelling Eorzean merchant. He simply regards the region of Eorzea as his home country. Birth Weight / Height: Unknown. Manner of Birth: Unknown. First Words: Probably something generic like Papa. Siblings: Twin brother to Arc Beauregard; his best friend and partner in adventuring. Parents: Gwenneg Beauregard (Adoptive Father; Deceased) Parental Involvement: His father had a seemingly endless supply of stories for Alus of fantastical tales of knights, princes, and paladins who rescued damsels, protected the weak, and saved the realm from evil over and over again. The family was close and always there for eachother, doing practically everything together - always open, honest, and kind to one another. Alus will never forget his father, nor ever spend a single day not wishing he could see him alive and happy just one more time.
ADULT LIFE
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Occupation: Free Paladin, Military Field Medic, and Cafe Proprietor. Current Residence: Sleeping on the too-small couch of his personal Cafe Nobilitea. Close Friends: Arc Beauregard and Urianger; the latter probably thinks of Alus more as an acquaintance. Relationship Status: Single; not really taking dating very seriously right now. Financial Status: Constantly fluctuating; he has a bad habit of giving away his gil to the first random needy person he sees, or spending his pocket money on lavish dyes and glamours. Driver’s License: A rarely used chocobo racing license that qualifies him for high-level racing of the Gold Saucer chocobo races, and a proof of ownership card for his military-issued chocobo. Vices: Gambling, Shopping, Unwanted Lecturing, Rambling
SEX & ROMANCE.
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Sexual Orientation: Questioning (Asexual) Romantic Orientation: Panromantic Preferred Emotional Role:  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  unsure Preferred Sexual Role:  submissive  |  dominant  |  switch  |  sex repulsed Libido: As someone absolutely inexperienced with romantic relationships, he believes that sex is an extremely sacred and personal romantic thing between two people deeply in love instead of something done for the simple sensation of pleasure, and becomes extremely flustered when personally talked to about sex. It’s just not something he particularly cares about besides the emotional meaning it may mean to someone he will one day care about. I think he understands some people care about sex more than he does, and he respects that. Turn Ons: Patiently being given the opportunity to take the lead in flirting ; Being able to help people ; Having his hair complimented ; Having a piece of his loose clothing cautiously held on to ; Being open & cheerful about his platonic love and devotion for someone he barely knows, and having that enthusiasm returned. Turn Offs: People entering his close personal space or being touched w/o his permission ; People who betray or lie to their friends and/or allies ; Being ignored ; Violence ; Vulgar language Love Language: When Alus likes a man, he is very upfront about it. He’ll throw around phrases like “I love you!” without restraint, even while barely knowing them. If he’s truly comfortable with someone, he’ll touch them first - Usually just as a hug or holding their arm or hand - That’s his sign to basically say “You can touch me back however you want.”. When he’s romantically interested in a woman, however, he’s the opposite of that confidence - He’s constantly stuttering, looking away, clearing his throat, trying so hard to just form a proper sentence, and squeaking out outright pleas for them to do something to stop being so damn attractive for ONE SECOND just so he can think clearly. He will NEVER touch a girl without her permission first. For nonbinary people, it may depend on if said person is more feminine or masculine. Relationship Tendencies: Alus has never been in a steady romantic relationship before, but I imagine he’s the sort of guy to bring flowers to his loved one every day, insist on cooking for them, constantly shower them in compliments, and greet them with an excited running attack hug. He’s like an excited golden retriever, he loves you so much.
MISCELLANEOUS.
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Hobbies to Pass the Time: Shopping, gaming/gambling at the gold saucer, baking, flower arrangement, coordinating new outfits, making simple jewelry, visiting grave sites of fallen acquaintances, and praying at statues of Nald and Thal. Mental Disorders: Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) Physical Illnesses/Disabilities: Minor small segments of numb nerve damage on random small segments on his body. Left or Right Brained: Right brain. Fears: Losing his loved ones, especially his brother ; Slugs & other slimy creatures ; Messing up in battle ; Being directly responsible for the deaths of others through his own negligence ; Being abandoned by all his friends and allies ; Being betrayed Self Confidence Level: Alus actively chooses to see the good in others and himself. He tries so hard to do this that it is practically an obsession; his personal code he will never break. Alus will never lose hope. He can’t lose hope.. Everyone is depending on him. Underneath it all, however, Alus is constantly terrified. He just does his best to think of the optimistic views in situations, and it often actually works for him. Vulnerabilities: His twin brother Arc ; Citizens he’s sworn to protect ; His allies ; His pets ; His acquaintances ; His Cafe ; His gut-reaction to react in absolute flustered embarrassment when aggressively flirted with ; People seeing him without his clothes - viewing the scars all over him in which he believes are grotesquely ugly.
Tagged by: @miqo-vynnie THANK !!!!!! ITS SO FLATTERING THANK ;_;<3
Tagging: I SINCERELY APOLOGIZE IF YOU’VE ALREADY DONE IT BUT @nozomikei @ladyrivienne @sacha-desyre @bookbornexiv @kohaku-son @oleandre-ffxiv @lalaliya  AND EVERYONE ELSE WHO SEES THIS IM SORRY IF I DIDNT TAG YOU ITS NOTHING PERSONAL IM JUST RLY FUCKIN STUPID AND CANT REMEMBER WHOS ACTIVE
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