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#everyone keeps saying ‘we know why taylor is gone’ and i’m confused
petalsforarrmor · 3 years
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okay i’m confused
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illfoandillfie · 2 years
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Kinktober Day 4: Bimbofication + Cockwarming
Kinktober Masterlist | Regular Masterlist
Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader
Words: 3,164
Warnings: Bimbofication/intelligence play, hypnosis/trance state, cockwarming
A/N: This fic is very much set in my Future Management universe though I think you could get away with not having read the others. I’ve missed writing these two tbh and then I saw that one of the prompts for day 4 was bimbofication and decided it was a good enough excuse to get back to them. But I also really loved the second prompt for day 4, cockwarming, so decided to mix the two together!
After the long week you’d both been dealing with, you and Roger were glad to have a weekend to yourselves to relax. You’d spent too many nights out at various political functions, lobbying politicians and trying to convince the wealthy elite to donate to your cause. It was frustrating though and despite the numerous late nights and all your best efforts, it didn’t feel like you’d got particularly far. Roger had returned to the studio that week to begin recording Queen’s next album, so he was having a better time than you had been, though by all accounts everyone had been a little on edge as the week drew to a close. He’d come home complaining about how snippy everyone had been and how little progress they’d made that day. It was nice just to curl up on the couch together and zone out in front of the telly, not least because recently you’d barely found time to just be together without interruptions. It wasn’t a problem exactly, and you’d known you’d have patches like that when you first started seeing each other, but the lack of intimacy and physical affection created by your busy schedules did take its toll. So, on Friday night, Roger took great joy in turning off the alarm clock, deciding you could both use a lie in. You were too exhausted to even suggest anything more than talking before you went to sleep, but Roger made sure he was spooning you as you settled down, holding you tight.  
Roger was still asleep as you woke, carefully detangling yourself so you could tiptoe to the bathroom, but he offered you a sleepy grin when you came back.   “Sorry, did I wake you?” “Maybe a little. Thought we were going to lie in.” He pouted at you as if you’d betrayed him.   “I had to pee!” you laughed, “But I’m all for lying in now.”   Roger chuckled along with you as he beckoned you over, encouraging you to lay your head on his chest as you snuggled back up. His hand found yours, softly tracing the length of your fingers as he sighed happily.   “I missed this,” he half whispered, pulling your hand up so he could kiss your knuckles.   You hummed in agreement. For someone who’d not been in the habit of sharing your bed or encouraging physical contact, you’d certainly gotten used to Roger’s touch. He’d thoroughly converted you as the relationship became more serious, made you see how nice it was to be held, how comforting his hand in yours could be. And you had missed it over the last week when there’d not seemed to be enough time for those soft, quiet moments with him. You’d sat next to uninterested politicians who nodded politely at what you said but never offered anything useful, and thought about how nice it’d be to feel Roger kiss your temple or squeeze your thigh. And then your mind had taken it further, reminding you how warm you got when his weight was over you, how it felt to fill your lungs with his breath and to taste him on your lips. You shifted at the idea and realised you weren’t the only one who wanted more than just to relax. Scooting away from Roger so you could better face him, you began to suggest you could maybe slip down under the covers and help him get properly excited, but before you got more than a few syllables out he was talking about a different idea.  “So, I’ve been thinking about something I thought might be fun to try with my bimbo doll.”  “Oh?” You weren’t entirely sure how you felt about that. On one hand you loved when Roger turned you brainless and cock-crazed, how fun it was and how freeing. But this was the first time you’d really been able to be together in a little while. What did it say about the state of your relationship or his opinion of you, if he’d prefer your bimbo alter ego over the real you, “You want her?”  “Not necessarily right now,” he said, rubbing his knuckles softly against your cheek, “Not if you don’t want to. I’m happy staying like this with you all day.”  “Don’t pretend you don’t want to fuck. I want to fuck.”  Roger laughed, “Oh I definitely want to fuck. I’m just saying I’d be perfectly happy fucking beautiful, brainy, you, instead of the slutty idiot.”  You couldn’t help but smile at that.  “But it’s something I’ve thought about quite a lot. And I think it’d be kind of perfect for such a lazy morning.”  “Okay.” you said, thinking about it more, “I’m not entirely opposed to the whole bimbo thing. It might actually be nice to be a bit brainless, maybe even make it a bit easier to relax. Y’know, sort of keep me focused on enjoying the moment and really feeling everything. So why don’t you just tell me what the idea is and then I’ll know how up for it I am right now.”  “Hmmm. I thought maybe it could be a surprise. But don’t worry, it’s something we’ve done before. I’m just curious how she’d react to being made to do it.”  “Being made to?” you asked, raising your eyebrows in disbelief, “Is this something I like?”  “Oh yeah, definitely. Believe me, we’ve done this a few times before. Usually, it’s less part of sex and more to do with the aftercare or the foreplay.”  You tried to think of what he meant but nothing came to mind that fit the description. It was intriguing though. And you trusted Roger, you knew he wouldn’t take advantage or force you to do something you wouldn't normally do. If he said you enjoyed it then you must enjoy it usually.  Roger waited to see how you’d react.  “Nothing to lose?”  “Nothing to lose.” He said with a smile, “I promise it’ll be fun, love.”  “Okay, let’s do it. I’m insanely curious. But also, sometime later today or tonight, we’re going to have regular, non-bimbo, sex.”  “Anything you want. You ready?” 
You nodded and instantly felt Roger draw you back down so you were within easier reach. His fingers trailed lightly over your arms as he began to talk you down. You relaxed into the moment, letting his voice wash over you as his touch created goosebumps over your skin. As you closed your eyes your breathing began to soften and you felt the familiar drowsiness settle into your mind. Roger did his usual improvisation, making sure you knew how dumb you were, how easily confused and hopelessly idiodic you were. He made you understand that you couldn’t understand half of what he said, that you were just a giggly dummy who needed his help. And then, when he was sure you had gone brainless, he told you how horny you were. How all you could think about was his cock in every one of your holes, how desperately you ached for him, how being filled by him was your one goal in life. The only thing you needed or wanted. And how the longer you waited the hornier you got. He told you about being desperate and wet and you felt yourself grow desperate and wet as he said it though you couldn’t remember the word desperate. You tried you but just came up blank. The only world you could think of was cock. It flashed in your mind like a neon sign and just the thought of that word alone made your mouth water and you cunt ache.  You shifted, trying to rub your legs together, able to feel the slick forming between them as your stomach tightened with need. And then he told you one word, a simple word. No. He explained that every time he told you no, it was guaranteed to compound the horny desperation you felt.   “What’s co-com- ummm, com-pound?” You asked, confusedly.   “It means the feeling will get stronger. When I say no, you’ll get even hornier. Understand?”  “Yes,” you sighed, content now that he’d explained the hard word.  
By the time you blinked your eyes open, all you knew was that you wanted his cock. It was your very first thought and the first thing you said.   Roger looked at you, smiling, and greeted you. A pleasant, “Hi,” that made you feel warm and happy.  You’d smiled back, “Can I please have your cock Sir?”  That made Roger laugh, “No baby. That’s now what I want to do right now.”  Hearing him say that just made you want it more though.  “Please Sir? I could suck it for you. I really really really want to suck your cock.”  “No, I don’t think I want that either.”  You whined softly, “I promise I’m reallllllly good at it and I love sucking cock so much.”  “No. What else could you do instead?”  “Ummm,” it was hard to think, hard to remember anything beyond how horny you were, “Maybe I could ride you?”  “Hmmm, no.”  You groaned and clenched your hands into fists for a second as a bolt of energy ran through you, “Can I wank you?”  “No, baby, not that either.”  “Please Sir?”  “No.”  The bolt of energy ran through you again and you stomped your foot against the mattress to relieve some of the pressure.   “Keep suggesting things,” Roger grinned, “Maybe one of them might interest me.”  You scrunched your face up in concentration, trying to think of something Roger might like, “What about if you fucked me? I’d be so good and I’d stay so still and you could use my pussy and cum in me and-”  “No. No I don’t want that either.”  “But Siiiiiiir,” you whined, “You always tell me to take your cock!”  “Do I?”  “Yes!” you giggled, wondering how he could have forgotten, “You always say how good it feels in me.”  “I s’pose that’s true.”  “So can I have your cock now?”  “No.”  You whined and pouted but Roger didn’t budge.  “I’ll tell you what. Let’s start with taking your clothes off.”  “Okay Sir.” you nodded, giggling again at the idea, hoping it would lead to having one of your holes filled.  “Well go on then. Shirt off first, good girl.”  You rolled yourself off the bed and quickly began tearing off the pyjamas you were wearing, feeling hot as Roger’s gaze dragged over the newly exposed skin.   “Now undress me.”  You couldn't help but laugh as you crawled across the bed to reach him. He’d slept without a shirt so all you had to worry about were his flannel PJ pants and underwear pulling them down his legs one at a time. As his underwear came down your eyes fell to his cock, revealed inch by inch. You felt saliva pool in your mouth and had to resist the urge to lean forward and taste him.  “Can I touch you Sir?” you asked quietly, almost holding your breath as you waited for his answer.  “No.”  “Please?” you asked again, frustrated. Roger didn’t understand how bad you wanted it, how much you needed him. “I’ll do anything Sir, whatever you want.”  “No.”  With an impatient groan you threw yourself onto your stomach, beating your fists and feet against the mattress. It was the only way to relieve the energy and pressure building inside you.  But Roger just laughed, “Awww, is Dummy gonna have a tantrum? That’s not going to change my mind. My answer is still no.”  You whined and kicked your legs again, your pussy throbbing with how empty it was.  “You’re such a desperate slut, aren’t you Dummy.” Roger laughed again, “So maybe....”  You looked up excited and hopeful.  “I might decide to fuck you. Pin you down, fill you hard and deep and cum in you as many times as I can manage. Just to shut your whining up.”  You scrambled back to your knees and nodded happily, reaching to wrap your hand around Roger’s cock.  He slapped you away, “I said might, Dummy. That’s still a no. You’ll have to show me you deserve it. You’ll have to be a good bimbo doll and do everything I say. Can you do that?”  You whined but agreed you could. He didn’t need to make you promise to follow his orders. You’d have done that anyway. You’d have done anything he asked, anything to make him feel happy and pleased. 
“Sit up, hands behind your back. Show me your cunt.”  You scrambled to do as he asked, smiling proudly when he hummed at the sight of your spread legs and wrapped his fist around the base of his cock.  “You’re so wet Dummy. How’d that happen?”  You giggled again, “I told you I want you Sir.”  “Guess I didn’t realise how much,”  Your gaze fell to his hand and your breath caught as you watched him slowly stroke his length, stiffening more the longer your eyes were fixed on him. It just made everything worse. You couldn’t seem to drag your eyes away, nearly panting with desire. Wanting to touch yourself almost as much as you wanted to touch him.  “Oh you are desperate. I can see your cunt clenching around thin air and you’ve got drool on your chin. You don’t even care which hole I use.”  You shook your head. Whatever he wanted would make you happy because it’d make him happy.  “I could keep telling you no.”  A whimper slipped from your lips and you felt your pussy pulse with need.  “But maybe I’ll be generous. Lie down here, next to me. Good girl, now turn onto your side. No, other side, facing away from me. That’s right.”  “What are you doing Sir?” you asked over the creaking of the bed frame as Roger shifted around behind you. He didn’t answer though, just pressed himself against your back. You could feel his hard length being directed to your slit and you changed the position of your legs to make it easier for him.   “Good girl,” he said softly, his breath warm against your bare skin.  You moaned at the feeling of him moving between your legs, waiting for the sweet stretch of him filling you. Only it didn’t come. You could feel him between your lips, sliding easily through your soaked folds, every ridge and vein making you shudder. You tried to press back, to direct him into you, but his hand landed on your hip, forcing you to still.  “No.”  The word pulled another whine from you, louder than any before, exacerbated by how close he was to what you really wanted. But that just made Roger chuckle as he kept teasing you. It was pure torment, though worse was still to come.  
It took you completely by surprise when Roger stopped his teasing rubbing, readjusting his angle so he could sink into you slowly. The unexpectedness of it stole your breath but you managed to gasp out a small moan of thanks, finally getting what you’d been so desperate for. The position you lay in kept your bodies close as he sheathed himself fully, rocking his hips gently so as to withdraw a little and thrust back into you. You could have cried with joy at knowing you’d pleased your Sir, that you’d been so good and patient, and he’d finally decided to take what you’d offered him. And then he stopped. You tried to take over his rhythm, tried to fuck yourself on his cock the way you knew he liked. Last time you’d done that he’d praised you for being brainless and needy, called you a good bimbo whore and you’d kept going until he’d cum, laughing about how good it felt. But this time he stopped you. He pressed his hips flush against you and wrapped his arm tightly over the top of you.   “No, Dummy. No moving now.”  “But Sir,”  “No. Be good and lie still or I will make you,” He tapped the middle of your forehead with a finger, “Remember I have all the power.”  You didn’t know what he meant by that or why he’d tapped you but you knew how to be good. You knew how to please. And so you relaxed again and lay quiet and still, the way he wanted you.  “It’s still a little early for me to use you. I think I want to sleep a bit longer, so why don’t you stay here and warm my cock for me. It’ll keep me comfortable so I can sleep longer. And then when I’m better rested I’ll think about fucking you.”  You whined again, wanting to thrash your arms and legs again but unable to, wanting to be pinned down by your Sir and used, wanting to feel him move within you or to taste his cum or anything. But if that was what he wanted that was what you’d do, so you nodded and agreed softly.   Roger hummed happily which was all you needed to hear to feel happy too. He let out a tired exhale and seemed to still. You listened as his breath evened out into a shallow rhythm, and struggled to keep relaxed in his embrace. As far as you could tell he was asleep, though his hand seemed to come to life. His fingertips trailed over your skin, coming to rest on your chest. You tried to remain quiet but struggled not to moan as his hand cupped your breast and squeezed it. In response he moved slightly, though still slept on, his cock changing angle within you by a hair's breadth. In your state of heightened arousal it was enough to have you clenching again, trying not to wake Roger in case he got mad.  
There was a soft laugh from behind you and Roger mumbled, “C’mon Dummy, you should sleep too.” And then he kept talking, telling you how you’d still be horny when you woke but you’d have control of your brain again, you’d be back to his beautiful, intelligent partner. It sounded like nonsense (what did intelligent even mean?) but something about the way he spoke made your eyes droop and close. There was a small tap on your forehead and you awoke, disorientated by being brought back to the real world so soon.  “How do you feel, love?”  Roger asked and you twisted in his arms to try and see him better. You were pleased when you heard him groan at the change in your position.   “You’re a fucking tease Roger Taylor.” you half laughed, trying to sound less amused than you were.  He laughed too, clearly pleased with his little game, as he released you and withdrew his cock from your heat, “I told you you’d like it.”  You pushed yourself up to be more comfortable, “I don’t know that like is the word I’d use. All I feel is horny. Insanely so.”  “Do you want that fuck now?”  He was still laughing when you tackled him. 
Taglist: @labessieisallama @deakyclicks @jennyggggrrr @drowseoftaylor @hannafuckingsucks @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming @queenmylovely @ilovequeenmorethanyou @johndeaconshands @borhapbois @stardust-galaxies @cherries-n-rocknroll @rogersslave @scorpiogemini
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drewstarkeys · 3 years
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"Paper" Rings : Toni Shalifoe
Summary: Very loosely based around Paper Rings from Miss Taylor Swift! In which the reader and Toni have feelings for each other but are too afraid and too oblivious to truly admit them to each other. It gets pretty fluffy at the end!!
Word Count: 2.2K
Request(s): “Hi! Can I request Toni (the wilds) crushing on a dense reader when they are stuck on the island? 👉🏼👈🏼” and “Can I request some the wilds/toni fluff? Im fine with anything as long as it ends somewhat happily,.....”
Warnings: mentions of edibles, drunk reader/girls/Toni.
A/N: I finally got out of writer’s block so I am back! I also tried to combine two requests as I thought they went together nicely! Hope you all enjoy :)
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The moon is high.
Like your friends were the night that we first met
You didn’t know it yet but that day on the island when you and the rest of the girls got high off of edibles, Toni realized just how much she liked you. Maybe it was the way your smile only seemed to grow bigger as the day went on, or maybe it was the way you couldn’t help but say the worst possible pick up lines to Toni, but something you were doing that day had her whipped. She hated it and loved it at the same time because she was so scared of how you would react to her strong feelings towards you.
The two of you were a “thing” but the term was loosely used in replacement of girlfriends. It was hard to decide exactly what you two should be when survival wasn’t even promised. On the other hand, if it was promised, what would happen when you went back to your ordinary lives? Would you forget each other and slowly go back to your old regular lives or would you try and make the distance work. Those questions had been left unanswered, which tormented the both of you.
Some of the other girls on the island had tried to trap you into confessing just how much Toni meant to you or vice versa, but you and Toni knew better, you were on an island and admitting your strong feelings would only complicate whatever was going on between the two of you. The nights spent alone in different corners of the island and empty promises shared between the two of you were nice, but it was more wishful thinking than anything realistic for the time being. That didn’t stop the two of you allowing yourselves to get close and let down your walls, even sharing your deepest secrets and fears with each other- something that almost seemed easier if you two never saw each other again.
You knew the way she felt like she was too hard to love and that she thought that her anger scared everyone away, but you didn’t agree with her. Maybe it was your own temper, which wasn’t nearly as bad as hers, but you weren’t worried by it. You had told her that you didn’t care that she got out of control, citing your reasons as being that control was difficult for everyone and you would be a hypocrite to judge her control issues when you knew how hard control was.
She knew about how you worried about running from your feelings again and completely shutting everyone out. You had done it more than once and in the back of your mind, you were convinced you would do it again. It was your defense mechanism to keep yourself from getting hurt- but it negatively affected those around you- which you couldn’t bear to hate yourself for. She told you that she wouldn’t let you leave her, that she was too stubborn to let you leave her, especially if the two of you were stuck on the island for however long. It provided you comfort for the time being, but just like her fears, yours weren’t fully dissipated either.
The wine is cold
Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street
Cat and mouse for a month or two or three
Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe
That’s just how the two of you worked- you would have deep conversations in the woods of the island and hold onto each other when the woods got cold as the sun went down, but that was the most of it. Neither of you could deny that something was going on between you two, but you couldn’t quite bring yourselves to admit your real feelings for the other one. It was embarrassing almost, the high school type cat and mouse game in which you both chased the other one but would never fully give in- it felt like every shitty romcom ever- well maybe without the happy ending.
That cat and mouse game continued for the following weeks of you all being on the island, which frustrated the others to no end. They could see the way you two looked at the other one when they weren’t looking and they could see the kisses in the woods that you thought you were being secretive about. Fortunately for them, and the two of you, the girls had devised a plan to further the relationship between you and Toni. A plan that only needed one thing, copious amounts of alcohol.
Thankfully for them, you were already pouring alcohol into your mouth by the time the sun set. All it took for your actions was a simple suggestion from Martha, she had asked you to get drunk with her and a few of the other girls and you had eagerly agreed, excited to finally have a reason to let loose on the island. The liquid stung the back of your throat as you shared the bottle with Martha and Fatin, but you could care less- you didn’t need chasers in school so why would you need them now?
Despite your lack of need for a chaser, your tolerance was embarrassingly low- or perhaps you just always drank too much. Unfortunately for you, that led to you sitting next to Toni and offering her a drink from the bottle in your hand, insisting that she wasn’t nearly as drunk as you were, in Toni’s defense, no one was as drunk as you were. However, your puppy eyes were too good for Toni to say no to, so of course, she was drinking to get caught up to your level, hoping it would help her relax just as much as you were.
The night carried on quickly with different dance battles, a little bit of night swimming- to which Dot had freaked over the idea of you or Shelby getting eaten by a shark, and even sand castle competitions. All of these ideas came from you who happened to be letting every single idea slip past your lips with a lack of any filter at all.
You suddenly jumped up off of the sand you had been resting on and looked around the group, a big smile covering your face, “I need to pee!” You announced, earning  a few giggles from the girls that had ended up nearly as drunk as you were. You then looked down to Toni, pulling at her hand to get her to stand up with you, “and you’re going to come with me!” You added, not noticing the way Toni gulped nervously or the way the other girls seemed to be watching the two of you as if you were their favorite movie. Instead of responding, Toni just nodded, an uneasy smile on her face as you dragged her towards a darker corner of the island.
You walked a few feet in front of Toni, painfully oblivious to the way she seemed to be deep in thought. Toni was busy trying to keep her lips sealed tight despite the alcohol in her body begging them to part and let out her feelings for you. Her speech she had practiced a few days ago was dangerously close to falling out past her lips and thus, she would reveal how she felt. The one problem was that she didn't want to say it drunk, especially when she didn’t know how you felt. Despite your relationship between the two of you, Toni couldn’t help but think about how you called yourself a player, telling Toni how you wished you weren’t one- but you just couldn’t quite seem to keep feelings for anyone.
Toni was so deep in thought that she hadn’t realized when you stopped moving to stare at her. “I don’t have to pee,” you suddenly mumbled, catching Toni’s attention with your words. Her eyes crinkled in confusion but you just smiled in response, “I just wanted to spend time with you alone. “ You admitted, something you wouldn’t have said so easily if you had been sober.
I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings
You could almost see the slight blush on Toni’s face in the dark, a mix of alcohol and you creating that reaction on her face. “You did?” She asked, her voice coming out a lot weaker than she intended for. She hated how weak you made her, like she could be ruined by the wrong set of words coming from your mouth.
You nodded your head quickly and pulled her down onto a rock, “sit here. I wanted to show you something.” You mumbled, holding onto her shoulders as you spoke to her, your glassy eyes meeting her own. While your nerves were completely gone, Toni’s heart was still racing, something you had yet to notice.
You walked, or skipped, off towards a bush, not caring about anything except for your current plan for what you were going to do. It was honestly quite bold but you couldn’t stop thinking about it and if you didn’t do it, you would be upset with yourself. So, without a second thought, you plucked a long piece of grass from the ground and brought it back to her, nearly letting out a laugh at how confused she looked.
Before she could question what you were doing, you spoke up, “wait, don’t say anything just yet. I need to say something.” You said, watching her for her agreement before you carried on. “You know that Taylor Swift song that is like ‘I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings’? Well I was thinking about that song and you make me feel like that. Like not marriage obviously, I’m not even eighteen yet, but like we’re here. On an island. And despite all the scary things and bad ideas- you’re the only thing that matters. Like I could care less about if we never get off this island, I’m just happy I met you.” You rambled, nerves and alcohol leading to the slurred and messy speech you had just told to her. “I like you, Toni, a lot.” You paused, looking down at the piece of grass in your hands, “I guess this is like, I don’t know, a promise almost? That I actually like you and that I’m not gonna run away from my feelings anymore.”
You paused, your heart rate finally becoming noticeable to yourself and you suddenly felt insanely sober from your actions. You felt as if you had just let her break down all of your walls and you were quite frankly terrified of how she would react. “Can I stand up now?” She asked, a smile on her face, which drove you crazy.
“That’s it? I say all that and you ask if you can stand up?” You asked, not even knowing how to feel, you hadn’t even noticed your arms were flailing as you questioned her until she grabbed both of your wrists and pulled them down, using them to pull you a little bit closer to her.
She still hadn’t said anything yet but the two of you were inches apart and you wanted to throw up. Or maybe it was just a feeling of panic settling in your chest, what if you had gone too far with what you said? You had been known to jump into feelings too quickly but you felt as if she could be there too.
Before you could speak up again and question her once more, she let go of one of your wrists and planted her hand softly on the side of your face, her eyes scanning your own before she leaned in and gently pressed her lips to yours. The two of you had kissed before but this was different, you were finally allowed to feel everything you were feeling, you could finally show her how much you liked her. Your free wrist dropped to her waist as you pulled her closer, not letting her pull away just yet. The two of you stayed like that for a second, just taking each other in and enjoying the moment of peace.
She pulled away with a soft smile on her face and a mysterious glint in her eyes as she backed off and went over to the spot where you had once been. You could see her pick up her own piece of grass and walk back over to you and smiled again, “then I promise to actually stop worrying and just let myself like you. Because I do like you,” she paused, “like I like you a lot.” And with that, she took the piece of grass and tied it around your ring finger, “so instead of getting married with paper rings, we’re uh- dating? With grassy rings.” She said, finishing the knot around your finger and looked up to you expectantly, “well if you want.”
You grabbed her other hand and worked on tying the grass around her finger, looking back at her and nodding, “yeah, I’d like that.” You answered, feeling heat rush to your cheeks at how intimate the moment had become.
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honeypiehotchner · 3 years
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intelligence & issues (Hotch x Reader) -- chapter eleven
I’m backkkk <33 Enjoy!
Today’s chapter title comes from “Wildest Dreams” by Taylor Swift and honestly? That song is Hotch and Reader’s song tbh
Chapter Warnings: fluff! Crime scene stuffs, case stuffs, and Hotch is an asshole at the end (what’s new?)
Previous chapter || Fic Masterlist
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Chapter Eleven: I thought, “Heaven can’t help me now.”
When you wake, you have a strange sense of Deja Vu. Hotch is shaking your shoulder again, only this time, you’re not in your bed.
“We’re landing soon,” he says softly, hand lingering on your shoulder, but you welcome its weight and warmth, forgetting for a moment that the rest of the team is on this jet.
“Mm, okay…” You bring the blanket underneath your chin, only this is when you realize it’s not a blanket.
You tilt your head down to look at the fabric, then lift your eyes back up to see Hotch isn’t wearing his jacket.
His jacket.
Oh my God.
He sees the realization on your face and smiles, but instead of commenting on it, he turns to start waking the others. As expected, Rossi didn’t sleep, but Reid is still quite frankly passed out. Emily, JJ, and Morgan are coming around, though, and upon seeing that, you scramble to get Hotch’s jacket off of you, catching Rossi’s eyes in the process.
“You were cold,” Rossi says with a shrug, and a smirk.
You shouldn’t be mortified, but you are.
After folding Hotch’s jacket over your arm, you wait until your boss is sitting back down to hand it to him with a raised eyebrow. “Thank you,” you whisper.
“You’re welcome,” he says, thinking nothing of it as he shrugs it back over his shoulders. When he sees you’re still looking at him like that, he adds, “You were getting goosebumps. Would you have rather I let you freeze to death?”
Is he making a joke? You wonder, with the corners of his lips tugging upward. You shake your head, saying nothing else.
No wonder you slept so soundly.
+++
Upon arriving at the local police station, you’re all met with the usual: desperate officers who want you to snap your fingers and find the unsub ASAP.
And, they always look pretty displeased when you admit that you need time.
You swear sometimes people think the BAU is made up of sorcerers who can see the future and not regular humans who are just trained to recognize and predict behaviors.
Regardless, they’re happy you’re here.
“I was shocked myself when I made the connection,” Sheriff Ansley says, nodding to the pictures of the other seven victims, with Nathan and Jonathan at the end. “Those others were so spaced out, we just… Oh, it sounds bad, but when you’ve got other problems coming across your desk, they can all blur together.”
“We understand,” you say, trying to be the comforting one here, even though you’re feeling more and more like time doesn’t exist and that you’ve entered a third dimension.
A few hours of sleep and jet lag can really do a person in. Especially with the added stressor of Hotch standing next to you.
“Morgan, L/N, I need you to come to the crime scene with me,” Hotch says, and your eyes widen the moment your name slips from his mouth. Is he trying to mess with you? You figured after covering you up on the jet, he’d make a conscious effort to be as far away from you today as possible. Just because Morgan is also coming along doesn’t mean much. Profilers aren’t dense.
“Prentiss and I will go talk to the victim’s family,” Rossi says, nodding to Emily.
Reid says nothing, too engrossed by the pictures and details tacked up on the board. Though, after a moment, he says, “I need a map of the town. Maybe the region. Yeah...the region.”
A little confused, Sheriff Ansely replies, “We’ll get that for you.”
JJ notices the confusion and says, “I’ve got it, don’t worry.”
With everyone focused, you pile into a vehicle with Hotch and Morgan up front (you purposefully sit in the back) to head to the crime scene. Sheriff Ansley leads in her car, and about two seconds in, you wish you would’ve thought to ride with her.
“You know I have to ask,” Morgan begins, a shit-eating grin on his face as he looks over at Hotch. “What did you get up to last night? Get lucky?”
Hotch looks ready to backhand his fellow agent. “No.”
Morgan keeps going. “Come on, Hotch, it’s about time you get some.”
“For now, I’ll stick to the case.”
Morgan huffs, giving in, which you think is for the better. But when Morgan turns his head to look out the window, Hotch catches your eyes in the rearview mirror.
You sink as far down as you can in your seat, biting the inside of your cheek to hide your smile.
+++
You have no clue what you were expecting when you pictured the outside of Jonathan King’s house, but it wasn’t this.
A few police cars are already here, their men having already gone in to look around, but not touch anything. A few cars look tiny next to the monster that is the mansion you’re looking at.
“I thought this was a small town,” you mutter, closing the car door.
“Jonathan’s daddy was the owner of the only car dealership in town,” Sheriff Ansley explains. “They were big money.”
“I can tell,” you shake your head. “Definitely don’t have houses like this where I’m from.”
The sheriff chuckles. “Yeah. Before they built it, this was a wide open field. Tiny house. Space for all kinds of animals. Had a red barn out there,” she points off to where a gigantic pool complete with a rock waterfall is.
You hum. “A lot changes for the worse sometimes when money comes in.”
She looks at you then, almost like she respects you a little more now. Which isn’t unusual. The sheriffs in small towns don’t exactly like having to call the FBI in for help. Some do it rather begrudgingly. It’s more often than not that you find yourself being the bridge between big city and small town.
“Any signs of forced entry?” Hotch asks the first officer he sees and they shake their head.
“Nothing. But this damn mansion is so big…” He trails away, looking around at it all.
“I understand,” Hotch sighs. “If you find anything, let us know.”
“Hotch,” you speak up, nearly tapping his shoulder, but you quickly pull your hand back. “If this unsub is a woman, then it’s likely there won’t be any forced entry.”
The sheriff nods. “She has a point.”
“How?” Morgan asks, eyebrows furrowed over his sunglasses.
“Seriously?” You deadpan. “Do you want me to demonstrate?”
He catches on, and drawls, “Go right ahead,” prompting you to shove his shoulder.
“Focus,” Hotch scolds. “I hear you. He probably let her in.”
“Did Jonathan have a reputation of being a player?” Morgan asks. “Take a lot of girls out on dates? Get serious with a lot of them but never marriage-serious?”
Sheriff Ansley nearly snorts. “Oh, yeah. He was the town’s bachelor. New woman every week. Swore every single one was The One.”
You nod slowly. “He must’ve picked up the wrong one, then.”
“Evidently so,” she replies quietly, leading the three of you into the house.
Hotch opts for looking around the house with the sheriff while you and Morgan go to Jonathan’s bedroom.
And he’s still lying there. Wonderful.
You nearly gag, but stop yourself. You’re never going to get used to this shit. At least there isn’t blood literally drenching the walls like that other case.
Moving on.
“Looks like it’s the exact same MO,” Morgan comments, idly checking the body for anything the officers might’ve missed.
You dig around on Jonathan’s dresser, drawers, nightstand, everywhere.
“This guy was seriously rich,” you mutter, picking up a few really expensive watches. Upon opening one drawer, you literally find a wad of cash. At least two thousand dollars, stuffed in between pairs of socks. “The unsub didn’t take this?” You hold up the cash to Morgan.
“She must not’ve spent time here,” he concludes. “Doesn’t look like she took any trophies either.”
“I can’t imagine why,” you say, then crack a smile. “So you’re on my side then, huh?”
He turns his head, eyebrows furrowed. “What?”
“It’s a woman.”
Morgan chuckles. “Yeah, kiddo. I’m on your side. This has woman all over it.”
“Kiddo,” you groan, tossing the cash back in the drawer. “Any clothes from the unsub lying around? I’m guessing she’s smarter than that.”
“Yeah, there’s nothing,” Morgan says, going into the bathroom. “The window in here is locked tight.”
“I really doubt she forced her way in,” you say. “He probably took her out on a date, brought her inside willingly, and didn’t realize until it was too late that he should not have messed with her.” You pause. “Does this place have security cameras? It looks expensive enough to have them. We should get Garcia to get the footage.”
You’re too busy rambling to see that Morgan has walked back into the room, only this time he’s eyeing you carefully.
You turn your head, raising an eyebrow at him. “What?”
“Listen, I know these guys were…” He gestures rather than saying it.
“Rapists?” You say tiredly, placing your hands on your hips. No need to be afraid of saying the word around you. You’ve heard it plenty and said it yourself more times than you want to. “What about it?”
“I just wanted to say I know how good it can feel to see someone like that taken down,” Morgan says slowly. “And then you feel guilty for feeling good.”
You set your jaw, hating he’s right. You’ve yet to admit it to yourself, though. Isn’t it wrong? On multiple levels? You’re supposed to catch the bad guys, not relate to them so much that you understand why they’re doing this.
“And I know it can also bring up some bad memories, but, I’m here for you,” he says, keeping his eyes on yours. “I mean that.”
“Thanks, Derek,” you whisper. “It does...kinda feel good, but...I know it’s the wrong way to do it.”
“Do what?”
“Make a difference,” you shrug. “If I killed Trevor, I’d be taking the short route. That’s why I’m here. To make a bigger difference.”
He smiles then, gently. “And you’re doin’ it. Trust me.”
You let yourself smile, too. “Thanks. Now let’s get back to work before boss man comes in here telling us to focus,” you mimic Hotch’s voice and tone at the end, making yourself laugh as you turn back around.
And that’s when you have the absolute shit scared out of you because Hotch is standing there, frowning at you. Oh, he totally heard that.
“Sorry, sir,” you murmur, knowing you should apologize while you’re ahead.
Thankfully, to save yourself from embarrassment, Morgan’s phone starts ringing. He pulls it out and puts it on speaker.
“Talk to me, babygirl.”
“All of our other victims? Yeah, they were accused of rape, too. Four of them were acquitted or blatantly dismissed, three of them with such short sentences it probably felt like a vacation.”
You roll your eyes. “Sounds about right.”
Hotch eyes you, but talks to Garcia. “Get us a list of anyone in this region that fits those same criteria.”
“Already done, and it is heading to JJ as we speak.”
Morgan shakes his head at how good she is. “Oh, and check and see if you can get the footage from Jonathan’s security cameras at his house. Y/N thinks he should have some.”
“She’s correct, I just found them,” Garcia says, no doubt through a smile. “I’ll send the footage over and start looking.”
“We should get back to the station and go over those names, see if we can narrow it down at all,” Hotch says. “Hopefully Garcia can get us something from that video.”
+++
Garcia gathers one thing from the video, but it’s not anything to do with facial recognition.
For now, it’s obvious this woman is a strong suspect because she’s the only one seen entering and leaving the house (she walked out right through the front door with her head down) in the window of time that Jonathan was killed. But...
“There’s not a clear shot at all,” Garcia says. “Because they’re… How do I put this? His lips are basically attacking her face and it’s a miracle they made it inside instead of just going at it against the door.”
Morgan snorts out a laugh, Reid (who is working on connecting the nine victims further) goes impossibly red, and Hotch shakes his head.
“Well, we’ve got a physical description now,” Rossi says, trying to see the bright side before Hotch loses it, you’re sure.
“Yeah, but it’s just a young brunette in a dress and heels,” Emily argues. “That’s nowhere near narrow enough.”
“Brown hair is actually the second most common hair color,” Reid supplies. “The most common is black, but they’re usually lumped together in studies. A recent one found that 84% of the world’s population has dark hair. But, of course, women are more likely to color their hair than men—”
“We got it, kid,” Morgan says gently, tapping Reid’s shoulder to get him to slow down.
“So,” you chuckle, “she has dark hair, which are the two most common hair colors.” Then, seemingly out of nowhere, a thought occurs to you. “Wait, can I see the video again?”
Garcia plays it again.
“Pause there,” you point to the woman’s hands. “See how she reaches for his wrist?”
“Where are you going with this?” Morgan asks.
It’s then that it occurs to you just where you’re going with this, and you try to hide your embarrassment.
“You can play it again.” After a few seconds, you get Garcia to pause again. “See? She tries to pin his wrists. She’s dominating. She’s the one in control there. See how his back is against the door, too? He didn’t start that way, she turned them around to get the upper hand.”
“So she’s confident,” Emily ponders.
“In sexual situations, at least,” you add. “Some women who are outwardly shy, but like to dominate in bed. It can be different for everyone.”
“So you’re saying we’re looking for a super quiet, shy woman?”
“Not necessarily. Given that she has had enough confidence to kill these nine men without anyone noticing, I’d be willing to bet she’s pretty confident now. It could be a newfound confidence, or she honestly could have always been this way. A lot of Dominatrixes are pretty confident outside of the bedroom, too. Maybe not in the same way, but they are. Just comes with the territory.”
“A territory you seem to know a lot about,” Morgan teases, poking your shoulder.
You scoff. “You wish.”
But your eyes find Hotch’s and you feel another rush go through you, all the way to your toes. You burn every single time you’re underneath his gaze. Averting your eyes quickly back to the screen, you try to shift in your seat in the least noticeable way.
It’s not like he doesn’t already know. If he seriously doesn’t know or at least have some suspicion, then you might suggest he get a new profession.
Redirecting the attention back to the case, Hotch turns to Sheriff Ansley and says, “We’re ready to give a preliminary profile.”
The team stands to head out to the main area. You and Hotch are the last two left, which you’re sure he did deliberately.
“You should take the lead,” he says, and you swear, your heart falls out of your ass.
“What?” You’ve never taken the lead on a profile in your life. Why would he just spring this on you right now? On this case, of all cases? Seriously?
He doesn’t change his mind. “I trust you to get all of the details right. And we’ll jump in when needed, but I want you to take the lead.”
You’re shaking your head. “Hotch, I haven’t—”
“It’s an order,” he says, voice firm. “Understood?”
“Yes.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Yes what?”
Bastard. He did it again. “Yes sir.”
And your jaw nearly ends up on the floor when he smirks, a quiet, “Good girl,” falling from his lips.
Damn him. Now you’re supposed to give the profile? How bad would it be to let Emily take over so you can jump Hotch in the nearest supply closet?
You never find out how bad it would be because Hotch walks out and thanks the officers for being there, and introduces you, giving you zero time to recover.
“Thank you so much for your patience,” you say first. “The unsub we’re looking for is, in fact, a woman, confirmed by some security footage that was recovered from Jonathan King’s home. She’s a brunette, average height, attractive, and she’s confident. She’s killed nine times and hasn’t been caught yet, so she’s likely to be gaining confidence.”
An officer raises his hand, so you nod to him. “No offense...but your description fits practically every girl in this town -- I guess, besides the killing part.”
“That’s what we figured,” you admit. “Unfortunately, this kind of unsub is the hardest to catch. They don’t stand out at all, they blend right in. It’s partly why they go so long without being caught.”
“But they’re not impossible to catch,” Rossi adds, helping you out with the annoyed officers. “This unsub has already killed twice in a week, which could be a sign that she’s beginning to devolve. When they’re in this state, they are easier to catch because they tend to get reckless and forget things, change patterns, which is what we need.”
“So we need to keep a tight lid on this for now,” JJ says. “The media isn’t going to cover this at all tonight because we need our unsub to believe she’s still getting away with it.”
Another officer pipes up. “If the news isn’t gonna report this, how can we keep people safe?”
It’s a valid question. It’s one that you always get when you decide to not have media coverage.
“Keep an eye out. And don’t take any women home,” Morgan offers.
But that doesn’t seem good enough, because the same officer says, “All due respect, sir, but asking a man not to do that is like asking him not to breathe.”
The amount of laughter and you got that right’s that you hear from the other male officers makes your stomach twist. Morgan’s small laugh makes you want to smack him.
“Well, try to refrain for a while,” you state plainly, bringing the focus back around. “If you can help it.”
Another officer says, “I don’t know if I can…” and clicks his tongue mockingly.
“Well, this unsub targets rapists,” you say loudly, placing emphasis on the word. “So if you aren’t a rapist, consider yourself safe and sound.”
That causes an uncomfortable silence to settle over the room, but you could care less. It should make them uncomfortable. It’s unfair that it’s something women have to just live with. It’s bullshit.
Emily and JJ share a look with you, the only kind women can understand. Makes you want a drink. And it’s not even late afternoon yet.
Rossi helps draw things to a close while Hotch practically stares you down. Not subtle at all. You feel it, and for that reason, you don’t look at him. But he’s hard to ignore.
Especially when he walks over and says, “I need to have a word with you,” and walks past you, giving you no choice but to follow.
Well, you could choose not to follow, but you’re not so sure you want to take your chances there. Not that the thrill of the idea doesn’t get you all excited, but now is not the time or place.
So, with your heart racing and your annoyance showing clearly on your face, you follow your boss to an office at the end of the hall. He’s waiting for you, already inside, and he doesn’t look happy.
What’s new?
He shuts the door behind you, his arms crossing over his chest again.
After a few moments of silence, you raise your eyebrows. “What?”
“Don’t be a brat,” he says sternly, causing your stomach to twist for different reason. “And don’t say what. You know what.”
You shake your head slowly. “I don’t, actually. That’s why I asked.”
He looks ready to absolutely devour you in the worst way possible, yet he doesn’t move. “I understand that after the case in your hometown—”
“God, why does everyone keep bringing that up?” You’re two seconds away from throwing your hands in the air like a child, but you stop yourself after the look he gives you.
“Because it just happened three weeks ago,” he replies, voice even. “And because it took a toll on you. That’s not something to be ashamed of, it’s just a fact.”
“You’ve never been up my ass about cases like this, not until you found out.”
“My knowing has not changed anything,” he says, and you think he might mean it. “And last I checked, this is your first case with a female unsub attacking rapists.”
You could punch him. You really want to punch him. “What’s your point?”
“I need to know that you can be objective,” he says. “I know you relate to our unsub. I know how easy it was for you to put yourself in her shoes. You did it almost immediately. I bet you knew it was a female unsub within the first few seconds of the debriefing.”
He’s right. Dammit. “And?”
“I need you to be on our side of this case.”
“I am!”
“Are you?” He counters. “If you knew who this unsub was, would you turn her in?”
“Are you suggesting—”
“Hypothetically.”
“Yes! For God’s sake, yes, I would turn her in.”
“Are you being honest with me?”
“What is wrong with you today?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest. “If you have something else to say you might as well say it while we’re alone.”
He doesn’t move. Or say a single word.
So much for that.
“Look,” you uncross your arms, tired of fighting already. It’s exhausting on any normal day, but pair it with jet lag and it being between you and the man you obviously care for, and it’s a million times more exhausting. “Yes, I get where this unsub is coming from. Honestly, if it was legal and if there was a market for a job like what she’s doing, I probably would’ve gone into it instead of the FBI. But there isn’t. Because killing people is illegal. So I decided to go to the FBI to make a bigger difference— a real difference. Yes, I relate to the unsub. I get why she’s doing what she’s doing. But just because I get it doesn’t make it right.”
“Good,” he nods. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “I shouldn’t have even had to say it.”
The room falls silent.
Hotch sees it then, that look in your eyes. During the profile, it was all determination and confidence. When you entered the office, it was bratty and defiant. 
Now, it’s hurt.
That’s all he sees. And frankly, that’s all you’re feeling.
Since he doesn’t say anything else, you take it upon yourself to say, “Excuse me,” and join the team in the conference room with only one question on your mind.
Does he not trust me at all?
Next chapter
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Sign From The Past
Andrew/Abraham (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope) x Reader (Female)
Warnings: Spoilers for Little Hope, Swearing, Blood and Injury, Bus Crash (Mentioned)
Genre: Romance, A bit of Angst
Summary: Following the bus crash and the group of students and their professor getting stranded in the eerie town of Little Hope, Y/N and Andrew come to find out a lot about and themselves as in their thoughts and feelings as well as about each other. It does take a little push from the past to pass the threshold though.
Requested by 💞 Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your lovely request, it was a real joy to write. Also thank you so much for your patience - I know the wait has been really long and I’m extremely sorry for that but I still hope you come across the fic and read it. If so, I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤
Y/D/N - Your Double’s Name (Same first letter as your name)
Y/N stands behind John and observes as her professor is attempting to wake up the possibly concussed boy sitting on the ground with his back against the roof of the flipped bus they had all been safely seated in less than ten minutes ago. Her classmate and best friend Taylor’s struggling to fetch even the tiniest possible signal with her phone held up in the air, muttering curses under her breath. Two more classmates are unaccounted for at the moment but that’s not what’s bothering Y/N the most right now - maybe it’s messed up, but it’s true. 
The girls main attention and worry is focused on the boy who’s still unconscious. The boy she’s praying will wake up soon.
Being the only one with a med major, Y/N was quick to tend to any external wounds such as the cut on Andrew’s forehead which was rather deep but nothing to get too worked up about. There was not much she could do without a med-kit which made her feel utterly helpless and useless while John continuously reassured her Andrew and the rest of them would all be ok.
Come on, Andrew. Don’t scare us like this
As if overhearing her thoughts, Andrew’s eyes started fluttering open, causing Y/N’s heartbeat to pick up, her legs automatically carrying her closer to him, ducking down in front of him to get a good look at him.
She’s the first person his gaze lands upon before fluttering over to John. His eyebrow seems to raise ever so slightly before he looks at Y/N again, “Y/N, what happened? Who’s that?“
Her heart dropped and so did the smile that appeared on John’s face as a result of Andrew’s consciousness returning.
Overhearing Andrew’s question, Taylor quickly comes over as well, ducking down next to Y/N. “Rise and shine, Andy. We’re stuck in a ghost town, this is no time to be taking naps.”
Andrew scoffs, looking at Taylor, “Maybe you could run that back a bit cause I have no idea where I am or what on Earth happened.” His eyes shift back to you, “Any explanation would be nice, Y/N. Even a shitty one.”
Y/N sighs, “We were going on a fieldtrip and our bus crashed. This is our professor,” she points to John and then to Taylor, “And this is our classmate. Two others are with us but we don’t know where they are at the moment.”
The boy stays quiet for a moment, his gaze distancing and becoming unfocused to the point of scaring Y/N but then he starts talking, focusing again, “You’re a med major, so doc can you please tell me why the hell I remember none of what you just told me?“
Even though the girl is rather shocked by his memory of her and her major, she hurries to recompose herself and reply, “You’re just concussed, Andrew. Don’t worry, you’ll be perfectly fine soon, nothing to panic over. I promise.”
Taylor snorts from next to her, cutting the tension, “Wow Andy, you know Y/N AND her major but you can’t even remember our names. Just wow!”
“Not everyone leaves the same impression on a person, Taylor.“ John says, looking between Y/N and Andrew knowingly.
“You got that one right professor.“ Taylor agrees, nudging Y/N’s shoulder with her own, sending a wink her best friend’s way despite the other girl desperately avoiding her gaze.
All she can really do is sit in the intense heat of her blush and hope it’s not as apparent as her crush on Andrew seems to be.
It’s gonna be one hell of a night, she thinks to herself.
If only she knew how right she was...
                                                            *  *  *
“Feeling any better? Any fatigue or nausea?“ Y/N asks Andrew as the two continue down the road, walking ahead of everybody else. This is a routinely question she’s been asking him every thirty or so minutes while hoping she wasn’t annoying him too much with it.
Luckily, he never made her feel like she was, always replying in a friendly, light-hearted manner and even with a hint of a smile, “No, I’m good, don’t worry.”
Right, as if Y/N had a switch to flip to turn her worry off. She’s always been the nurturing type. The one who always over-cares and is always over-kind. She’s been like that with everyone since forever. But with Andrew, though she refuses to admit it, it’s obviously a bit different and more intense.
Seeing as how she’s the only one he remembers, he’s been sticking by her side and gravitating towards her the whole night - much like she’s been doing as well. Little do they both know that even back on campus, in the gardens and the hallways of their college they’d somehow always end up finding one another and walking together to or from class. There are invisible magnetic forces between them, pulling them towards one another so subtly neither of them have noticed. Not yet, at least.
“Hey look! An old train station.“ Y/N points out, looking first to Andrew then turning around in search of the rest of their group members. Her heart drops when all her gaze lands upon is the thick fog that’s been following them everywhere they’ve gone so far and doesn’t seem to show any sign of thinning anytime soon.
Having noticed her mild distress at the absence of their professor and classmates, Andrew hurries to approach her, subconsciously resting a hand on her shoulder, “Hey, they’re probably right behind us, don’t freak out, ok?” His eyes stare into hers so convincingly that all she can do is nod. When she does so, he continues, “Ok, good. Let’s go into the station, see if we can find anything or anyone.” She nods again, praying the blush that’s appeared on her cheeks as a result of the physical contact isn’t visible in the faint light of the streetlight.
As the two turn to venture onward, Y/N nearly jumps out of her skin when she feels Andrew’s hand slide down her arm to take a hold of hers as if afraid he’d lose her in the dark. She tries not to pay too much mind to it and not read into it, biting her lip to suppress the involuntary smile that’s creeping up on her face.
Seeing this moment with the two so at peace and relaxed, the horrors felt mocked apparently and felt the need to intervene.
Just as the two students are about to pass the threshold into the station, a hand covered in cracked ashy skin takes hold of Andrew’s forearm, pulling him in the station.
And simultaneously into the past.
When him and Y/N come to they are shocked at the sight that greets them: themselves. The two of them are standing next to a horse carriage, wearing attire from centuries ago and speaking in hushed tones and whispers but loud enough to be understood at the distance they were at. Y/N and Andrew decide to stay quiet and avoid being spotted by them.
“Never have I thought I’d have to send you off such a way and for such a reason, Y/D/N.” The man who looks exactly like Andrew says, his head hanging low with disappointment, regret and sorrow.
“Abraham, listen to me, this is no fault of yours. You are doing what you think will keep me from harm and I’m grateful with all my heart. I just worry the Reverend will find out you had something to do with me...“
“I’d regret not a single thing even if he did find out.“ The man, Abraham apparently, cuts the girl - Y/D/N - off, his eyes coming up to meet hers again, his hand taking hold of hers. The girl looks around nervously as if to make sure she’s got permission to hold the hand of the man she clearly loves, but then just nods in gratitude.
“I’m forever in your debt, Abraham, thank you.“ She says, bowing her head now too.
“Do not thank me, Y/D/N, and do not speak such nonsense as debt. I would rather die seen as a betrayer of God than see you burnt at the steak or hanged. My lover is no witch and won’t be treated like one till the day I draw my last breath.“
With that Abraham and Y/D/N share one final hug before he helps her up on the carriage which takes off in a direction where Y/N and Andrew see nothing but darkness.
And just like that, the two present versions of those people, are put back where they belong - in the present, surrounded by fog and darkness as previously. The surroundings that previously gave them an uneasy feeling now make them feel comfort because of their familiarity.
“You ok?“ Y/N jumps when Andrew’s hand’s hold on her tightens ever so slightly as if to free her from the web of confusion and fear.
She nods then shakes her head but manages to let out an affirmative hum to reassure him. “You?”
Andrew repeats the same motion she did - a nod followed by a shake of the head, “Yes and no, if I’m being honest. And on the topic of honesty: I haven’t been at the peak of mine as of recent.”
Y/N’s eyebrows furrow, “What do you mean?“
The boy lets out a heavy sigh that is meant to prepare him for what he’s about to say. What he’s about to confess to. “There’s plenty of things I haven’t told you. Things I refused to tell myself too...”
“Andrew, sorry but, I’ve had it with puzzles and riddles all night long. Can you please be straight-forward, I promise I won’t freak out or anything.“
Despite still being hesitant on the matter, Andrew decides to listen to Y/N’s advice - or rather request - and nods before continuing, “You’re one of my best friends, Y/N, I hope you know that and I trust you and I care for you and...and I just tonight came to understanding that it was always something...more than a friend. More than a best friend. I’m sorry if this makes you feel weird or awkward or if you don’t feel the same way please don’t cushion the rejection or pity me. I just...” As he’s talking he makes the mistake of looking her in the eyes which are giving him the most unimpressed look which gets him to shut up asap.
“If you didn’t already have a head injury I’d smack you.“ She says, eyes narrowed, “Andrew, I’m sorry, but you have to be one of the densest and most oblivious guys I’ve ever met. Like, you’re up there at Daniel’s level when he refused to believe Taylor liked him back. That’s how high up you’re on the scale.“
Her words confuse him, leaving him to process all that she’s said until some type of realization hit him. Only one is turning up and he refused to believe it cause it seems so impossible to him.
“I like you too, you dumbass.“ She says, a smile on her face hiding the tons of exhaustion he’d been seeing on it for the past few hours.
“FUCKING FINALLY!“ The familiar voice of no one but Taylor arises from somewhere behind the couple who have now found themselves at a closer proximity than before, arms automatically reaching for the other to take them in their embrace.
Fucking finally indeed, Taylor.
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ye0ncore · 3 years
Text
forever & always - jake shim <3
third part in the series!
note: hi babies! sorry for being so inactive lately :( my job takes up a lot of my time, but i just got out of school so i’m going to try to get out more works for you guys! also, i decided to take out some of the lyrics! i felt like it made the story flow a little better. i also wrote this at 2 in the morning, so i’m sorry if it’s a little rough!
>> based off of: forever & always by taylor swift
>> pairing: jake x female reader
>> rating and genre: pg because of the language, angst
>> warnings: arguments, jake is kind of an asshole in this, strong language
>> word count: 1.1k
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once upon a time
i believe it was a tuesday when i caught your eye
“look at them! they’re so cute!”
“what i would give to be with jake. she’s so lucky!”
“they’re perfect for each other.”
you had to bite your tongue to hold back the comebacks at all the compliments. you appreciated all of it, you really did, but they were wrong. they had no idea how things really were.
you and jake were always known as “that couple.” everyone wanted to be just like you two. you were always together, wore matching outfits, and were so in love. everyone was rooting for you two, and it hurt to know it was probably not going to last.
when you and jake met, the connection was instant. you two clicked immediately, getting along really well. jake is a smooth guy, so it didn’t take very long for the two of you to begin dating. you both were so infatuated with the other. you really thought that you two would be together for a really long time. but, that was before everything started changing.
you didn’t even notice when it happened, you just thought he was tired. and then it happened again. he was coming home late, not answering your messages nor your calls. when you would be together, it was constant fighting. you two would fight over such little things, and you were beginning to debate if it was even worth it at this point.
when you go out with jake, you always make sure everything looks like it’s going great. you were terrified of anyone knowing about your crumbling relationship. you were scared of being seen as the girl who can’t keep the boy everyone wanted. because it’s true, everyone in town would kill to be with jake shim. you see why, he was incredibly attractive, and to new people he’s incredibly kind. and that’s not to say he wasn’t kind to you, because he was. he was just very distant. he acted like he could care less about you.
no one even noticed the issues in your relationship. no one knew about the lack of communication. no one knew about the fights. and that’s how you wanted to keep it.
hell, you couldn’t even be around jake without feeling like you didn’t belong. he ignored you half the time, and was constantly on his phone. it hurt like crazy to think that he didn’t want you anymore. because truthfully, you wanted him more than anything. you loved him with everything you had, but you didn’t want to keep him in a relationship he didn’t want to be in.
and you flashback to when he said forever and always
jake had just arrived at your home after you invited him over for a “movie night.” you wanted to get with him so you could talk to him about everything going on. at first you were just going to ignore it. you wanted to be with him, so you were willing to do what you had to do. however, you didn’t know how much longer you could take it. you had to know how he felt.
“hey y/n,” he said as he walked in the door. your heart clenched at the sound of your name. he used to call you cute pet names, like baby, love, princess, even darling. but now it was simply just your name.
“hi, jake.” he sent you a small smile and made his way to the couch, plopping down in front of the tv. he grabbed the remote and turned it on, patting the spot next to him, telling you to sit. you did as you were told, and took your seat.
“what do you wanna watch?” you took a deep breath before turning around, so you could face him.
“um actually… i was hoping we could talk?” you held your breath, hoping he wouldn’t question anything. you were relieved when he nodded, and turned the same way, so you both were facing each other.
“yeah, of course. what’s up?” he was being incredibly kind today, and that made it hard for you to do what you were about to do. but, it had to be done. you swallowed the nerves, and looked up to meet his eyes.
“do you still love me?” his face changed in an instant. he went from calm, to confused, to upset and somewhat angry. he stood up and scoffed.
“why the hell would you ask me that?” you sighed, and turned once again, so you were sitting the right way on the couch. you had a feeling that this was how it was going to go. you couldn’t say you were surprised at his actions.
“because, jake. you’ve been so off. you don’t act the same around me the way you used to. you act like i don’t exist half the time,” you said, your voice steadily becoming stronger. you weren’t going to raise your voice. you were going to be mature, but you still wanted to get your point across.
“i don’t know what you’re talking about. i’m acting the exact same,” his voice becoming louder. you stood up and took a few steps over to him, making him step back.
“jake, do not play dumb with me. you know exactly what i’m talking about. i just want to know what i did wrong to make you start acting this way towards me.” your words clearly hit a nerve. he froze in his spot, a far away look on his face.
he quickly snapped out of it, however, and sighed in frustration. he didn’t say anything and that’s when it hit you.
“you didn’t mean any of it did you?” the guilty look on his face told you everything you needed to know.
you didn’t mean it baby… i don’t think so
“you were lying to me the whole time, weren’t you?” your voice became louder, not caring if you were being too loud. the realization hurt more than anything and you were beyond upset.
“y/n i-”
“no jake. you don’t get to say anything. you don’t know how i’m feeling, and i don’t think you ever will. why jake? why?” your voice began to break, and you did your best to hold it together. you didn’t want to cry in front of him. you weren’t going to make yourself look weak.
“i think you need to leave, jake.”
“y/n, please, let me explain-”
“jake i told you, no. i don’t want to hear it. just leave. please.”
he sighed, this time in sadness. he walked past you and to the door. he turned the handle and before he walked out, he turned to you. “i’m so sorry.” and then he was gone. as soon as he left, it all hit you at once.
he was gone. you just lost him. jake was no longer here. you didn’t have jake anymore.
you already missed him. but was he even worth all the heartache?
you said forever and always….
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myownworstenemyyy · 3 years
Text
Call and I'll Come Running
yes I just wrote this on my phone after seeing that promo what about it
tw: description of a panic attack, mention of The Shooting, brief bt mention
posted on ao3
Eddie tells the paramedics he's fine, that he doesn't need to go to the hospital. They don't look convinced, based on the persistent trembling of his hands, but they respect his wishes anyway.
It comes back to bite him in the ass the next day when Buck storms into his home, his body tense and his eyes tracking Eddie's every move. 
"Why didn't you at least call me, Eds?" he asks, gesticulating wildly. Eddie winces but refuses to meet his eye, "I didn't want to worry you over nothing. I'm fine, Buck. It was just a minor panic attac–wait, how do you even know about yesterday?" he looks up at his best friend in confusion.
"The paramedic that tended to you is a buddy of mine from the fire academy. He called me saying he thought he recognized you but didn't want to freak you out even more than you already were," he says like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
But Eddie is even more confused, "How would he even know what I look like? I'd never met him till yesterday," he narrows his eyes when Buck drops his gaze to the floor.
"I-I may have shown him a photo or two of you, me, and Chris at that carnival last year," his cheeks flush and Eddie's heart swells with warmth at the shy look on his face. It's gone a moment later, though, as Buck shakes his head and makes his way over to Eddie's couch, saying, "But that's beside the point, Eddie. So, what–" he clears his throat, his voice much softer now that's settled down a bit "–what happened yesterday? What...triggered you?"
His brow furrows with concern and Eddie has to look away. He hates that look when it's aimed at him. "I was trying on a suit at this shop downtown when–" he releases a shaky sigh "–when a car backfired just outside the door and I...I froze. I felt the pain of a bullet piercing my shoulder–and I know it wasn't real. I knew it wasn't real but it felt real, just like that day."
His gaze slowly travels up to Buck's face but his best friend isn't watching him anymore. His expression is vacant, like his mind is faraway from this moment, reliving that day just as Eddie had yesterday.
Eddie continues, his voice growing quiet, "And I panicked. My lungs felt constricted and I couldn't breathe. My legs gave out and I just...collapsed onto the floor, right there in front of god and everybody." He swallows hard, trying to focus on being in the present and not letting his mind drift to the worst day of his life.
He jumps slightly when he feels Buck's hand covering his, their joined hands resting on Eddie's thigh. "Why didn't you call me?" Buck repeats his question from earlier, though much quieter this time around. It's almost like if their voices grow any louder, the glass bubble surrounding them in this vulnerable moment will shatter to pieces.
Eddie might just shatter with it.
"Because I–you've done so much for me already...for me and Christopher over these past few months, years even. And I knew you were spending your day off with…with Taylor," her name burns like acid on his tongue but he forces himself to carry on, his voice small, "I couldn't do that–disturb your plans–your life–more than I already have." He doesn't add that he was afraid if he called Buck he might hear Taylor in the background or, god forbid, interrupt a certain activity involving a bed and no clothes.
"Eddie, look at me. Please" Buck pleads, his hand tightening around Eddie's. And Eddie can't refuse him anything, can never bring himself to deny Buck anything he wants and everything he deserves. He meets Buck's eyes and his breath catches as the soft intensity he finds there.
"Eddie, you could never be a disturbance or-or a burden to my life, ever. You–and Chris–are two of the most important people in my life. I will never turn you down or be upset about you 'interrupting' whatever it is I'm doing. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even be doing something I enjoy, because I wouldn't be doing it with you and Chris," his eyes widen slightly, like he didn't mean to say that last part but Eddie decides to stay silent, not wanting to ruin whatever is happening right now between the two of them.
"My point is, you've been through so much, Eddie, and not just in this past year but in the past decade of your life. I know you struggle far more than you lead everyone else to believe. And maybe it satisfies everyone else's concern for you...but not mine," Buck looks away for a moment, swallowing hard before meeting Eddie's gaze once more, "I see right through that wall you put up to keep others out. I see you, Eddie." He pauses, his eyes desperately searching Eddie's, and Eddie couldn't hide from him if he tried. 
"I know I haven't been around as much since you returned to work, but I will always be here for you and Chris, no matter what. You call me and I'll come running. Because that's what we do, right? We have each other's backs and we lean on each other when life gets too heavy," the sincerity behind his words has Eddie's throat tightening with emotion. He nods, afraid if he tries to speak, his words will turn into wretched sobs.
Eddie screws his eyes shut, feeling them burn with unshed tears, but a single still manages to escape. Before it even reaches his jaw, a gentle thumb is swiping it away, a calloused hand softly cupping his cheek. Eddie opens his eyes and catches Buck looking at his lips just before his gaze snaps back up to meet Eddie's.
Buck starts to lean in and Eddie thinks he's about to kiss him, but instead he rests his forehead against Eddie's. And somehow this feels far more intimate than a brushing of lips.
"We're in this together, okay? Please don't ever doubt that," Buck whispers and Eddie considers asking what exactly he means by “this.” But he decides against it, and instead whispers just as quietly, "Never."
He's never doubted Buck's promises to always be here for them–for him. It's always been a matter of whether Eddie would let him.
But after today, he knows he's never wanted anything–anyone–in his life more than he does Buck.
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mediocre-writerr · 3 years
Text
don’t blame me [emily prentiss]
emily prentiss x fem reader
requested: i have a emily prentiss request! reader and emily have been fighting and something happens to the both of them and they make up at the end
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“Emily please!” you placed your head in your hands as you were having yet another argument in your shared apartment.
You took a deep breath as she started yelling again, “What Y/N?! Are you cheating on me with Spencer?” 
“What?” you ask, giving her an incredulous look. 
“You two have been awfully close lately.” she points out.
Spencer has always been your best friend. Ever since you joined the BAU together and being the youngest out of the pack. The two of you grew an instant bond despite all of his annoying knowledge. 
“We’ve always been close Em! Do you really not trust me that much?” you ask, looking up at her. 
She just stood there unsure of what to say. But the silence said it all, she didn’t trust you. 
“We’ve been dating for almost a year now and you don’t trust me. Got it.” you whisper, getting up to pack an overnight bag. 
Emily didn’t say anything. She just stood there and watched. Tears stinging her eyes. 
“I’ll see you tomorrow at work. I’ll be at JJ’s.” you whisper, leaving the apartment.
Emily didn’t know what to say. She was running thoughts through her mind. She didn’t know what was wrong with her. This was the longest relationship she’s ever been in (Doyle does not count). 
I guess she was scared. She didn’t want to ruin it so she was self-exploding the relationship herself. Making Y/N hate her until she eventually runs off so she doesn’t have to deal with the pain of Y/N breaking up with her on her own.
You found yourself at JJ and Will’s house, knocking on their front door. 
JJ opened the door confused, but with a small smile on her face, “Y/N, what are you doing here? Is everything okay?” 
“Emily and I got into another fight. She thinks I’m cheating on her with Spence.” you say, “Can I stay here tonight?” 
“Of course. Come in, we can talk more about it here.” she whispers. 
Will comes down the stairs, “Hey Y/N, it’s nice to see you again...” 
He continued talking, but you couldn’t quite understand what he was saying. So you stuck with the pleasantries, “It’s good to see you too.” 
JJ poured the two of you a glass of wine as you curled up onto the couch. Henry came running into your lap when he saw you on the way to say goodnight to his mom. 
“Hey bud!” you say ruffling his blonde hair. 
“Hi.” he whispers meekly as you gave him a squeeze. 
You smile at the boy as he hugs his mom goodnight. 
You start to explain everything to her from the past week of the two of you just going at each other’s throats. And even though you were a part of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, you had a hard time reading Emily. 
Or anyone who wasn’t a killer/kidnapper/arsonist. 
“Y/N, remember that this is her first actual long-term relationship?” JJ says giving her a piece of the puzzle and you nod not understanding her point, “And you know that her relationships haven’t quite worked out in the past?”
“Mhm, I don’t see your point.” you say, completely clueless.
“You do work the BAU correct?” JJ asks laughing. 
You roll your eyes softly, “Duh.” 
“I think you should talk to her. Just ask her what’s going on and go from there.” she suggests and you nod, “Get some rest, we don’t know when Hotch is gonna call.” 
You didn’t understand what JJ was trying to get at. Emily was the best thing that ever happened to you and you would never break her heart in anyway. But the past few days she’s been breaking your heart.
Something she always promised she wouldn’t do.
As JJ expected not even three hours into your sleep, you were woken up by a phone call from Hotch talking about some unsub in Newport, Rhode Island. 
The two of you slowly got ready as the lack of sleep the two of you were experiencing was apparent. JJ drove you two to the BAU headquarters. As you exited the elevator Penelope held a drink carrier in her hand full of hot coffee.
“Thank you.” you whisper to Penelope, shooting her a grateful smile and patting her back. 
As you went into the briefing room, Emily was already sitting there next to Derek. Spencer was also sitting there across from Em with a small smile on his face. 
You walked around the table greeting everyone. You ruffled Spence’s shaggy hair, and fist bumped Derek. Purposefully, avoiding Emily. You didn’t want to talk to her if she doesn’t even trust you. You took the spot next to JJ as you waited for Hotch to come in to give the background. 
“Hello everyone, sorry about the lack of sleep tonight, but this is the fifth death this week.” Hotch says stifling his own yawn, “We have Peter Taylor, age 34, single with no kids. Blunt force trauma to the head before being shot in the heart.” 
Hotch goes over the rest of the victims going all the way to the very beginning. All of them had the same MO’s: blunt force trauma and being shot in the heart. They were also men around the same age. 
He was about to continue on as everyone pitched ideas for what kind of killer this unsub may be, but Hotch got a call. He stepped out of the room and as we waited, Spence kicked your leg softly from under the table. 
Sliding you a note from his notebook: Are you and Em okay?
You quickly wrote down a response: Honestly, no. 
That’s all you put. He read it trying to study, both you and her. Emily noticed the little exchange of notes that was passed. It was enough to make her feel insecure about her own state. Passing notes like they were back in elementary school. 
But maybe this was for the best, Emily thought. 
“Alright guys, we gotta go, there was another body found.” Hotch says, “Wheels up, like now.”
“His killing time is shortening which means he’s gonna go out of control.” Derek says and we all look at each other with determination in our eyes. 
All of you headed onto the plane in a flash. Every time you were on the plane you took the spot next to Emily. It was a little thing the two of you did, basking in the comfort and the safety of each other before going out into the dangerous field. 
Sort of like a good luck charm.
But this time was different. Emily waited for you expectedly to take the seat next to her, but you didn’t. You took a seat by yourself, away from the rest of the group. The entire team eyed each other, all of them concerned at the couple’s behavior recently.
You put your headphones drowning out the rest of the noise, trying to get much sleep as possible. 
When you arrived in Newport, the air was cool as the costal breeze hit your hair. The smell of the salty sea filling your nostrils. You loved being along the coast, it was one of your favorite things. 
It brought you calmness and peace. 
You and the rest of the team got to work as you reached the police station. Hotch paired the team off as per usual, pairing you and Em to go check out the most recent body. 
The two of you walked together in silence, neither of you knew what to say. It wasn’t the comfortable silence the two of you have while lying in bed watching whatever was on the TV. It was an awkward silence of you at your breaking point in the relationship, not understanding what’s wrong. 
“Blunt force to the head, shot to the heart. This is an act of our guy.” Emily says softly, the first time that you were speaking since last night. 
You looked down at the body and noticed a little paper sticking out of his pocket. Picking it up with your glove, you opened it as it read three simple words.
Don’t Blame Me
“Don’t blame me?” you say, more of a rhetorical question than anyone else. 
“What?” she asks.
You hand her the note, “It says don’t blame me.” I whisper.
The handwriting didn’t look a man’s handwriting. It was neat and polished. Men’s handwriting are usually messy and sometimes illegible. 
You start to walk away from the scene finished with the crime scene, leaving her behind. When Em notices you’re gone she immediately starts running after you.
“Y/N!” she yells, finally catching up to you and spinning you to face her, “What’s the matter with you?” she asks.
You scoff in response, “Tell me why.” 
“Why what?!” she asks, yelling, frustrated with how cold you’re being to her.
“Why don’t you trust me?”
“Y/N I-” she paused struggling for what else to say, but nothing was coming out.
She was left speechless, just like she was when you left the night before. 
You nod, “Never mind. Come talk to me when you’re ready.” you whisper, disappointedly. 
As the day went on you learned more and more about the unsub. The team gathered more clues and realized that all of the victims were connected to one women. 
Hayley Nolan, a bartender at the famous bar in town. She was 26 and very popular with the guys and gals around town. 
Whoever this unsub was targeted all of the men who flirted with her. She wasn’t married or had any kids. But she was in a relationship with a one Matthew Grimes. 
We interrogated Matthew, but checked all of his alibi’s that he was at work every night of the attacks. 
You and the team were in Hayley’s home, making sure to keep a cop with her at all times. When you took a look around the house as you watched the time go by, you realized that Matthew still wasn’t back yet.
“Hayley? Where did Matthew say he was going?” you ask as you entered the living room again. 
She shook her head trying to remember, “He said he was going to the gym, but that was a couple hours ago.”
All of you shared nervous glances as you realized that he was probably in danger right now. Reid and JJ come bursting into the room, “We found out who the unsub is.”
“Hayley, does the name Taylor Hunt ring a bell?” Reid asks as he sits down on one of the chairs in the living area. 
Hayley nods softly, “Yeah. She’s one of the regulars at the bars.”
“Does she ever seem protective when someone tries to flirt with you?” you ask.
“Yeah, all the time. I always thank her for it by giving her free drink. Why?” and then it all starts piecing together for her, “Oh my gosh. You don’t think she-” 
JJ squeezes her hand softly, “You see Taylor is living in her own little fantasy world. Making her believe that you’re flirting with her and want to be with her. When in reality you’re just being nice. So she kills off anyone who she thinks is a threat.” 
“We need to find Matthew now.” Derek says sternly. 
You and him run out of the house and into one of the vans. Driving your way as quickly as possible to the gym.
Your phone started to ring and you answered it, your eyes scanning the road you were driving on, “Police called and said they’re inside the gym. Hostage situation. Me and Prentiss are right behind you.” Hotch says. 
Making your way into the gym, the two of you noticed that you Hotch and Emily were already in there. Both of them had their guns away so both of you put your guns away. 
When Taylor saw us come into the room, she pointed her gun towards us. But Emily was quick to intervene.
“Hey, it’s okay. They won’t hurt you. I know how you feel.” Emily says softly, trying to get through to her. 
“You do?” Taylor asks.
Emily nods and you were intrigued at where she was going with this, “I know how it feels to love someone so much you’re scared everyday that you’re gonna lose them. Everyone is so intrigued by them and they’re so beautiful and funny that you can’t help but feel that she’ll choose someone else.”
Your tilt your head to the side as Emily makes a quick side glance to you.
“But the difference is that you’re stronger than me. You’re trying to protect what you have with Hayley. I tend to just cause useless fights because I’m scared that they’ll break my heart. So instead of being surprised by the heartbreak, I explode our relationship.” Emily adds on. 
And everything finally starts clicking. Everything JJ was trying to say, all of it.
“Now you don’t want to do that so if you really love Hayley, I need you to put the gun down. And let Matthew go.” she whispers.
Taylor lets out a quiet sob before putting down the gun and letting Matthew go. Em goes over to her and puts her hand behind her back, handcuffing her. Hotch takes her to the cop car while Morgan tends to Matthew’s wounds. 
You ran over to your girlfriend embracing her in a huge hug. She holds you close and tight, like she’s afraid that you might walk away again.
Taking your hand you place it underneath her chin to get her to look at you, “I love you. And I am never gonna break your heart. I promise.” 
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heliads · 3 years
Text
Being Miss Misery
Based on this request: “a fic with newt based off mr perfectly fine by taylor swift”
masterlist
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If you were going to describe the one thing you looked forward to each morning, the one person who made you want to fight your whole life to escape the Maze, you would say it was Newt. How could you not? You love him, after all. Or, you loved him. There are days when you wish you could go back in time and tell yourself that you had gotten it all wrong, that some dreams were just meant to stay dreams and never become real. Then again, if you had never let yourself jump this time you’d spend the rest of your life thinking about the fall you could have had.
In the end, you suppose there was no way you could have ever chosen differently. No matter what happened, no matter what words were said, you could never quite forget how happy you were before, even when you were stuck in the Maze. That was the best thing about Newt, after all- he made you smile like no one else ever could. There’s always a second side to every coin, though, and that means that he has hurt you in a way so unique to him that no one else could ever hope to mimic it. No matter how many times Janson or WICKED tried to hurt you, nothing would ever cut quite as deep as this.
With every story, there’s a start. A reason why things ended up the way they did. Yours begins with the Box, the same way every other Glader remembers their first day. There is no before, not in the Maze. Just the Box, and what comes after. Everything else has been wiped from your mind, cleared away like fog from a glass. Gone, never to be found again.
You had been pulled from the metal box and stood, squinting, letting your eyes adjust to the sudden bright sunlight. You had looked around, taking in the sight of the massive stone walls surrounding you and felt your pulse start to skyrocket. Before you could really start to panic, though, a voice sounded out from behind you. It was quiet, peaceful, and you knew from that second that you would be alright.
“That’s the Maze.” You had turned to face a blond boy, one with a limp and a slight accent that tinged his words the same stilted gold as a piece of bronze. “The Maze?” The boy had nodded sagely. “You’re in the Glade now, greenie. The Maze keeps us stuck in here.” You had nodded again, and the boy apparently took pity on you, softening his tone even more, folding it up into a more peaceable sound. “I’m Newt, by the way. It’s nice to meet you.”
You had started for the usual greeting, the fine, thank you, and I’m- but the problem was that you couldn’t remember your own name. No place, no history, no name. It’s like you were a blank canvas, but one that had once held the most brilliant of landscapes if you could only remember it. Newt had clicked his tongue softly. “You won’t remember it, love. It’ll take a while before your name comes back to you. Don’t worry, everyone forgets.” You had stared at him. “Where are we? I know it’s the Glade, but where is it?”
Newt had shrugged. “Nobody knows. We all just showed up here, one at a time, with no memory or anything except the shirt on our backs. You can ask all the questions you want, but we won’t have any answers.” He had looked at you sideways then. “Actually, don’t ask all the questions. We told that to Chuck-” he points to a young boy with a mop of curly brown hair, “-and he took us too literally. Don’t think we slept for a week. All we heard was questions.”
You bite back a laugh. “Sounds good, Newt. I’ll keep my questions in the single digits.” Newt flashes you a smile that seems as bright as the sun. “I like you already. I think we’re going to get along very well.” If only he had known how true that would be. If only you had known, so that you could stay away.
You’re not sure you can remember quite when you realized you loved him. In the end, the exact date doesn’t really matter. It happened, you couldn’t shake it, and it felt like the most beautiful mistake you might ever make. In the Glade, you couldn’t count on anything- not the weather, not the people, not even the Maze, which changed each night. When Newt had told you how he felt one night by the campfire, you were sure that it would haunt you for the rest of your life, that it was too good to be true or too good to last.
You had started to stand up, ready to hurry away and pretend like you hadn’t heard a word. Newt had stood up too, taking your hand and keeping you by his side. “I’m not going to break your heart, Y/N. I promise. I’m not going anywhere, alright? I’ve been waiting for you all my life, and I want to be here with you. Right by your side, until the end.” You had smiled at him then, finally letting the last of your walls down. When he kissed you, even the whoops of the other Gladers weren’t enough to dissuade you.
There was nobody like him, that much was true. He made the Glade better, made even the stormiest days feel like a cloudless blue. You came to trust him, to depend on him. You believed that he wouldn’t leave. It was like he said, right? He looked you in the eye and told you he would never go away. You two were practically inseparable, and it was the best feeling on the entire planet.
When Thomas arrived, bringing with him the destruction of the Glade and promises that he could get everyone out, you thought it was the best thing you’d heard in a while. You had held Newt’s hand while you ran through the Maze, dodging Grievers and doing everything in your power to keep the other alive. That was what you did best, after all- loving each other, staying together. You can still remember that one night before you left, when fires had been burning the homesteads down and the shrieks of dying Gladers echoed through the night. It drives you to run faster, to move farther away from everything that had happened and all the horrors you had seen.
Newt had taken your hand in his, pulling you close in the dark of the night. “We’re getting out of here, alright? Promise. I love you, Y/N, and we can finally have a life outside of all this.” You had smiled at him, letting him press a kiss to your cheek. It sounded perfect, that was the problem. Perfectly fine, and none of it was true, although you’d have no way of knowing it then.
That day seemed to pass in a blur, and the next day, and the next. You made it out of the Maze, out of the nest of Grievers, and into a pressed-clean WICKED facility. They promised you safety, shepherding you into groups of other boys and girls who’d managed to make it out of their respective Mazes. When Newt gestured for you to talk to him separately, away from the other boys from your Maze, you had assumed nothing of it. How wrong you had been.
His voice was quiet, eyes darting over to the other boys as if wanting to make sure that they didn’t hear. “I want to break up with you, Y/N.” You had stared at him, not able to understand. “What?” He swallowed, then repeated himself. “I want to break up with you. I’m really sorry, Y/N, but I don’t think this is going to work out. I just- I stayed with you for longer than I should have in the Maze, because I thought we were going to die, but-”
You cut him off, feeling your tone turn icy. “You’re done now because our lives aren’t at risk anymore? You don’t have to feel guilty about it?” Newt winces. “It’s not like that, Y/N. Honest. You’re a great girl and all that, I just don’t think it’s working out anymore. Sorry.” With one last insincere apology, he turns and walks towards the rest of the boys, his step considerably lighter as if a sudden burden has been relieved from his shoulders. You’re left to stand there, alone and mute and utterly heartbroken.
There’s nothing left to do except pick up your broken pieces and go back to the table with the others. Even this brief moment of weakness, this one last hesitation by the door, has drawn looks of confusion from the Gladers. You force a smile, a spring in your step, and sit down next to them. If you make sure not to sit next to the backstabbing blond boy, well, that’s nobody’s business but your own.
The days blend together, one into the next. You didn’t realize how much you depended on seeing Newt, talking to him, saying something clever and warranting a smile, until it was all gone. You were still a Glader, and that meant that when everyone escaped the WICKED compound he made sure you stayed alive like the others, but for once, there are no more strings attached. No promises to make it out, no lies told to make it through the night. This is what it was like in the beginning, you remind yourself, and you have to learn to deal with it once more. If only it was as easy to do it as it is to say it.
Now you sit alone at a campfire in the Scorch, watching white-hot sparks cascade into the open air. Your friends from the Glade have met up with the girls from Group B and some members of the Right Arm, meaning that you’re in a crowd for the first time in a while ever since entering the Scorch. All around you, people are taking advantage of the sudden numbers to mingle and chatter with the din of a flock of birds, but not you. No, you use the overwhelming mass of people to hide away, blending into another silhouette in the desert.
It appears you’re not to be alone forever, though. Someone slumps down into the seat next to you. You smile ruefully at the expression on her face- the same heartsick, stupidly trusting look that you have no doubt has been on your own. Brenda, it appears, is not doing well with the sight of Thomas parading back and forth with Teresa. 
“Having a good night, Brenda?” She gives you a look. “About as well as you, I think. How are you, by the way? I heard you were dating Newt in the Maze but if looks could kill I think he’d be worse off than the Cranks.” You sigh. “We were dating, that much is true. He broke up with me out of the blue, broke my heart for no reason other than the fact that he didn’t feel like he had to protect me anymore as we were out of the Maze.”
Brenda stares at you, all thoughts of Thomas banished. “He didn’t say that. Tell me he didn’t say that.” You nod, smiling bittersweetly. “He did indeed. Mr. Casually Cruel, that’s his new name from now on.” Brenda looks over at you. “If he’s Mr. Casually Cruel, what does that make you?” You prop your chin up on your hands, staring with unseeing eyes at the throngs of people around you. “Miss Misery, I guess. He’s perfectly fine, I’m falling apart.”
Your eyes find a familiar figure in the crowd, one you’ve been doing your best to avoid but always seeming to return to. “The worst part is that he moved on so quickly. You’d think he’d forgotten he’d ever heard my name. I mean, look at him.” You jerk your chin towards a pair of figures on the opposite side of the roaring campfire: a blond boy, arms wrapped around Harriet. He smiles at her, lingering traces of his face disappearing into a haze of heat from the flames in between you. 
“I’ve been picking up the pieces of my heart, he’s been picking up her. I’m starting to think that I never meant anything to him at all.” Brenda clicks her tongue indignantly. “That jerk. Hey, if you ever need someone to accidentally push him off a cliff-” You cut her off, laughing. “I’ll look to you first. Don’t think we’ll need that quite yet, though.” Brenda folds her arms across her chest. “You don’t need him, though. Honestly. He wants to promenade around here like he’s Mr. Always Wins, fine. He just walked out on the best thing in his life and he doesn’t even realize it.”
You smile at your friend, a true smile this time. “Thanks, Brenda. Now, if you could keep your same advice around Thomas-” Brenda holds up her hands, starting to laugh. “We’re not talking about that! I changed my mind, let’s go back to Newt.” If you’re so distracted by the conversation and laughter with your friend that you don’t notice a certain blond boy looking your way, eyes drawn to you again and again even if he does his best to pretend otherwise, maybe it’s for the best.
The night is late, stars hung in the sky as if by some absentminded hand. The fire has died away to ash and coals, tendrils of smoke starting to creep up to the horizon. The din of the gathering has proved a little too much for you, and you’ve chosen to fade away into the night, your feet carrying you further and further from the center of the group. You lean against a rough rock face, letting your eyes trace the curves and stars of the night sky. You’re distracted enough by the sights that you don’t hear the uneven footsteps coming up behind you, the telltale lurch of a boy with a limp.
“You always liked looking at the stars, didn’t you?” You startle at Newt’s voice, appearing out of nowhere. You shake yourself, forcing your shoulders to sink and relax once more. “They’re beautiful. Always have been.” Newt’s smile is as sure as a running river, always strategized, always well-placed. There’s a confidence there, too, an edge. Proof that he’s so far above you in every sense, above feeling anything at all. “Just like you.”
You raise an eyebrow. After everything he’s put you through, after everything that destroyed you but never fazed him, you’ve learned to doubt a careless compliment like this. That may be all you’ve learned, but it is enough. Newt takes your silence as an invitation to keep speaking. “I think I’ve made a mistake, Y/N. You’ve always been so good to me, you know? Always here to stay, always at the right place at the right time. I hate to speak too quickly, but would you consider giving me another chance?”
You’ve thought about this moment for a long time. Mr. Perfectly Fine, Mr. Casually Cruel, finally seeing you in new eyes and realizing that by leaving you he was giving up everything you might have had together. But you’ve seen this moment through a hundred times in your head, and for once your head is clear, eyes bright and looking forward instead of on what might have happened. You know your answer, once and for all.
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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years
Text
You are in Love
Chapter 14 of In Breakable Heaven! This is the last chapter, although I might revisit this later on to write some little blurbs or something if you want!
Summary: Reader and Spencer finally talk about things.
Warnings: none!
Word Count: ~1600
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Spencer’s POV
 He stopped outside your door, ready to knock when he heard JJ ask “Why didn’t you tell us what happened? Or even that you were seeing anyone?”
 You sighed, “I don’t know really. At first, it was because it was like a game between us. We actually had a bet going about which one of you guys would figure it out first. I was actually planning to tell you all at Rossi’s last family dinner, but then with everything that happened it just…”
 “Y/N” Morgan started, “what can we do to help? Do you want me to kill him? The team can probably hide his body.” He felt himself tense up at the sound of Morgan threatening to kill him. 
 “No. The truth is I’d rather feel like this in a world with him than be happy in a world without him. It’s not his fault. I… I was supposed to meet him for dinner that night, but he had to cancel. That’s part of why he blames himself. Or at least I think so. I genuinely haven’t talked to him about it. ” His heart broke again with the same twinge of guilt at causing you so much pain. Without thinking too much about it, he knocked, greeted by Rossi as he opened the door to the dressing room.
 Meeting your eye, he manages a weak “Hi Y/N.”
 “Morgan said you had to talk to your Mom’s doctors, is she okay?” you responded, the concern clear on your face. He couldn’t help but feel a sense of amazement over how concerned you were even after he broke your heart. “Oh, uh yeah she’s fine. They just wanted to switch her medicine again. Thanks for asking.” You nodded in response, not knowing what else to say.
 “I think, um, I think I’m just gonna go home now.” You said, staring at the floor to avoid everyone’s sympathetic looks. “I just want to go to bed and hope for the best, ya know?” You began pushing your way through people, your bag on your shoulder.
 He grabbed your wrist, looking at you with a mixture of sadness and guilt over everything. He wanted to say how he felt. Tell you and everyone the truth. But, he felt you pull away and recognized the look in your eye that said not now, not here. You were gone before he could say anything else. Tears falling from his eyes, he turned back to his friends.
 “Spence, are you okay?” JJ asked, wondering what the hell was going on. He sighed, sliding down the wall before hitting the ground. Tears were still running down his cheeks when he decided what he had to do. “No. I am an asshat.” He admitted. Everyone turned to him, surprised at his use of language. “I’m the asshat.”
 Every member of the team turned to him with varying degrees of shock and disappointment worn on their faces. 
“What did you do?” Morgan prodded him for more information. And he gave it. All of it. He started at the beginning, when he walked you home from your apartment the day he met you until that day in your apartment when he walked out of your life to keep you safe.
 “Oh my god.” Penelope wanted to smack him and she wasn’t a violent person. “How could you do that to her?” She shrieked.
 “I know. I messed everything up because for some stupid reason I didn’t think she would love me after everything. I thought she would want to forget me so she could forget everything that happened to her. I thought I was just a reminder of the bad when she deserved so much more. How do I fix it?” They all looked at him expectantly, as if he already knew the answer.
 “She clearly loves you. Just go tell her the truth and hope that the two of you will work this out.” Hotch was the first to speak up after he started back at them in confusion.
 “You’re right. I have to go.” Spencer stood abruptly, grabbing his bag and running to leave the room.
 He was still able to hear Hotch mutter “How did the two of them fool all of you for so long?” Rossi followed up with “It was so obvious when they did that little trivia competition.” as he ran out the door.
 --
 Y/N POV
 You were kind of expecting Spencer to show up after looking into his eyes backstage. He seemed so desperate, but it scared you. You didn’t know if he just wanted to be friends or if he wanted you to move on.
 When you arrived home, you didn’t even bother with the lights. You collapsed face down onto the couch to wait.
 You aren’t sure how long you were laying like that before you heard a knock at the door. Looking through the peephole to confirm your suspicions, you opened the door, backing up and gesturing for him to come inside.
 Without uttering a word, you returned to your position on the couch.
 “Y/N… I don’t know what I could say to make up for what I put you through, but I’ll start with this. I am so sorry. I was an idiot. No, I am an idiot. I was so scared of you not wanting to look at me anymore, of you blaming me for what happened like I blame myself, that I ran. I pushed you away and thought you’d be better off for it. I never wanted to hurt you like this. And then I completely shut you out for almost a month. You didn’t deserve any of that.” He paused trying to calm his racing heart so he could continue. “You deserve everything good in the world. So much more than I could ever give you, but I will gladly spend the rest of my life trying.”
You didn’t move from your spot on the couch during his impassioned speech. You didn’t need to. Listening to the regret in his voice was enough to bring you to tears. Just minutes ago you were so sure he was going to say something about just being friends or trying to get you to move on, so this was a surprise to say the least. 
Spencer noticed the slight sobs that overtook your body as you buried your face further into the couch. His voice broke even further at seeing you so upset. “I’ll, um, I’ll leave if you want me to.” 
Hearing him move towards the door was enough to force you out of the couch. “No!” Your voice came out louder than either of you expected. Spencer was quick to turn around at the sound of your voice, his face falling even more at the sight of your bloodshot eyes and tear stained cheeks. 
The sight of him brings tears to your eyes again, but you do your best to prevent them from falling. You stutter out a shaky “I don’t want you to leave” before walking over to him and pulling him into a soft hug. “For a certified genius, you are pretty stupid.” 
 You can feel him nod his head against you as he pulls you into a tighter embrace. “I promise, I’ll never do anything this stupid ever again.”
“Good, cause then I might have to let Morgan hit you.” Spencer visibly shuddered at the idea, causing both of you to chuckle. Slowly, the two of you made your way through your apartment to the bed, laying down and cuddling as close as possible to each other. Just before falling asleep, you realized you hadn’t told him how you felt to his face. 
“Spence?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
--
Three days later, you, Spencer, and the rest of the BAU were all at Rossi’s for a “family” dinner. Immediately upon entry, Penelope pulled you into the living room so she could attack you with questions about you and Spencer. You answered every rapid fire question as best as you could before Rossi called everyone over to sit and eat.
Before long, you couldn’t help but ask “I know Rossi and Hotch figured it out, but did the rest of you really have no idea that we were dating?” You glanced at the profilers around the table.
Penelope chimed in first. “First of all, rude. Second of all, I knew there was something there, but when we found out Spencer had a secret girlfriend I put the idea on the backburner since I didn’t think my best friend would keep that from me.” She said the whole thing while glaring at you, well as close to a glare as Penelope could manage for someone she loves. 
“I would like to agree with that sentiment.” JJ stated with a much more convincing glare directed at Spencer. 
“But, seriously. The trivia game? You all know how obsessed with Taylor Swift I am. Plus,” you turned to Derek and Emily, “the three of us have made so many Parks and Rec references. Where else could Spencer possibly pick up all that knowledge?”
Derek and Emily looked slightly offended at being called out. Quick to defend himself, Derek piped up. “Well, we figured out he was seeing someone!”
“Yeah, we just didn’t put it together that it was you...” Emily finished the thought. 
“I’m glad you all know now though. No more secret phone calls or sneaking around.” Spencer looked at you and his face was the perfect depiction of the heart eyes emoji. You quickly pecked his cheek before turning back to the rest of the team. 
“Just one more question, how have none of you noticed the ring yet?” You held up your left hand, wiggling your fingers. You and Spencer laughed at the shocked expressions on everyone’s faces. The chock quickly wore off into congratulations and hugs as you thought about how lucky you are to have found such a loving family.
tag list:
@mac99martin @goldeng1rl8 @eevee0722 @l0ve-0f-my-life @haylaansmi @dinonuggets1967 @laurakirsten0502 @green-intervention @burnin-passion @takeyourleap-of-faith @secretpickleprofessordean @awkwardnesshabitat @loveheathens @fan-girl-97 @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @akuri-shinsou @prongsyy @panhoeofmanyfandoms @sherlockmarvelharrypotter @lizziebritish @measure-in-pain
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peeterparkr · 3 years
Text
invisible string;tom holland.
summary:  life has a way of pulling you and Tom close to each other, then it pulls you apart. 
 “It is like an invisible red cord or thread which connects you to that one person you’re destined to meet, your true love.” 
soulmate au
word count: 6.4k
pairing: tom holland x reader
warnings: breakup mention, fluff, angst. fluffy angst. 
LOOK I TRIED TO WRITE FLUFF BUT I’M NOT GOOD AT IT SO ANGST CAME BUT I TRIED BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT
heavily inspired by folklore and evermore by taylor
thanks @jambrosemc for helping me you’re amazing
So, this is for one of my best friends here, @badhollandfluff, Delaney I’m sorry this took so long but I wanted it to be perfect for you, surprise!!! I’m your secret Santa! Love you, hope you had an amazing Christmas and I wish you a happy new year, I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 
Thanks to everyone who joined, happy holidays!! 
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No one ever has time. We’re always running and rushing and trying to save a little, it’s always like we have it counted and we never truly realize time is passing by. The clock keeps ticking. You were a victim of that, sometimes, always running, never knowing why. Time always going faster than you wanted it to be. 
Until it stopped, it had stopped since last year. 
There you were now. A white mug. These days you don’t really see that. Everyone has the paper cups with the coffee collar. Their names scribbled on black that probably still smells like sharpie. But you were holding a white mug, that now was just slightly stained by your pink lipstick. 
The mug was stained inside too, with the leftover foam of your capuchino. You were letting it set cold, watching as the people would walk in. Waiting. 
You trailed your gaze around the room, there are some couples around you.
You liked the idea of this café, with people gathering around just for the simple fact of drinking a hot coffee out of a mug. You like to come here, to sit out your thoughts, sometimes you’ll find some time to work, read. But you’d be alone. You’ve been lonely lately. 
It didn’t matter, it’s fair to point that out. But today, you were going to meet him. Again. 
But you didn’t know that yet. 
You had once read about soul connections, interested if you’d ever find your own, seemed like most people around had met them. You hadn't. Not the one you were longing to find, that is. 
Bizarre. 
Honestly, you didn’t believe in them. Or you liked to say that to yourself, sad enough to admit you hadn’t found any type of strong connection. 
Or maybe you had. 
But it made absolutely remotely no sense, at all. 
How could you? There was absolutely no scientific proof that there were soulmates, and though everyone said you could feel them, that you’d sense it, and though the extinguished sadness on your friends could be proof enough, you were still sceptic. Maybe just doubting if you’d find yours. Or maybe you didn’t want to accept who was yours. 
Because Tom had left. 
Your friends had assured you that when they’d found it the world had turned idyllic, a pink life. 
Yeah, it had felt like that when you’d found Tom, but now everything was gray. 
However, you knew more about them than anyone else. You had researched about them, you had read about them and you were so informed that you sometimes didn’t even believe it. 
Though you liked to ignore that sometimes there was a song stuck in your head without reason or there was a sudden joy, that had no possible explanation. 
“It’s your soulmate,” someone would point out. 
It wasn’t, it’s just Tom’s favorite song. 
There was also a sense of pain, sometimes you didn’t understand why you felt such a heartbreak, how bad had they hurt them? If they did exist, that is. 
They didn’t, though. 
You’d read about that heart connection, that feelings connect trying to understand how it comes and goes.  
There are three types of connections. Karmic partnership, soulmates and twin flames. Different types of connections. 
First ones, karmic partnership, and it is as bad as it sounds. They’re often confused as soulmates and people like to cling to them. They’re… awful,  being the one heartache that is there to teach a lesson, the one person that is there to show you something about yourself, the one person who is strictly there for character development, let’s say. The one person you fall in love with and keep falling in love, but it’s not love,  no matter how many times they hurt each other they go back. It’s not love, though. Or maybe it is, but there reason they exist is strictly to make you reason. It becomes….Cyclic. Until you finally decide to break the cycle. Intense transformation, the one person that makes you see yourself from a different perspective and change. There is, however, no compatibility. 
Probably what you had with Tom. But… no, it wasn’t… There was too much compatibility. 
You’ve had your fair share of them, maybe you’ve had 
Then there are the soulmates. The perfect compatibility. 
The one connection that is beautiful, a person that you just… feel it. The one person you feel like you’ve waited for them your whole life. Strong compatibility, there are more than one soulmate, that is to say, it could be friends, it could be family. It doesn’t have to be a romantic partner. There are soulmates that you wonder how they can be such an incredible connection. 
Everyone has soulmates. You knew you’d met some of them, the friends one that is. None of them a connection strong enough to be your partner. Not that you didn’t want to, though. 
Or maybe you didn’t want to acknowledge it. 
You’ve read somewhere in the internet that there are connections that go beyond your wildest imagination. Go beyond soulmates. The… twin flames, the one your soul is so attached to, you can feel their pain, their joy. 
Journeys end when lovers meet. 
It’s fair to say, you’ve never believed in that information. Less after a heartbreak. 
You had a million thoughts over your head, oozing you with stress and feeding your not long enough sleep schedule. You were slightly angry, you’d say. You didn’t like him anymore. 
There are two kinds of people when it comes to liking someone. The ones who go forward it, fighting for it, hinting on it. Flirting as if there was no tomorrow. People like Tom. 
And then there’s people who run away from feelings and try to pretend to act natural around their crushes. People who definitely don’t want to overstep boundaries and are afraid of ruining friendships. People like you. 
But there was nothing to ruin now, was there? 
Because there’s also people who give up. People like him. And people who never dare to forget. People like you. 
It was never even. 
But you keep daydreaming about him and can’t help that tinge of red spreading across your cheekbones every time he was near you. You shouldn’t have given in. You should’ve fought, but you were reckless. A sunrise dropping by again, and you wondered what had gone wrong.
Tom wanted to talk, you didn’t. You loved him, he didn’t love you. 
Tom was gone. For good.
An unstoppable force meets an immovable object. 
It’s the kind of love that you’d probably want to avoid. You at least, avoided all kinds. After him, who’d want to love anyone else? He was the only one who could tell if you dared to smile with your eyes only. 
How stupid were you to believe he was your soulmate. 
But no, this wasn’t right. Because feelings make everything blurry and it’s something not exact. If it wasn’t for science and numbers you didn’t like to believe anything.  If you don’t know how it’ll turn out then you’ll probably avoid it. And when it comes to relationships, you never truly know. Or sometimes you do, but it’s usually... not pretty. You’d learned that with him. 
Relationships end, and while you don’t want them to. You’ve sensed it, from the beginning. And you just hope that they’ll remember you in a nice way. Did he? Or had he just passed the page. 
You still felt stuck in a chapter. He had stopped reading. So hard to be on different books now. 
But with him, He was an exception. He was pushy and wasn’t giving up at the beginning until he did. You had seen him fall out of love, and that’s the worst kind of thing you get to face, when you see them slowly trailing far from you. 
Plans? Dreams? The willow tree in that park when you had first kissed was still crying over your breakup. Your head had been low since you’d last kissed him. Had you known it was your last, you’d probably would’ve made it last longer, you would’ve held him for more time. You wouldn’t have let him leave. 
But you had had your moment with him. It had been the last time you saw him. The one moment when you realized that his  fake smile was just that, how convenient and cliche. But you didn’t want to give you in, just yet. No, you wouldn’t. He’d changed, and you didn’t like who he was now. Too changed, too built up, too busy, too whatever you could come up with. 
You got tired of begging, and then he was easy to forget, you hadn’t forgotten. Just two years ago you thought he’d made a decision, you had made it. You wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. But he didn’t. And you couldn’t stop him, he was growing and growing and simply he escaped from your touch. 
Then it had been a goodbye, and nobody had seen it coming. You had, you’d known it for a long time. And it was weird, you were so in love with him that you knew that it was the best for you both, to get away because though you loved him, you knew he wouldn’t be happy with you. It’s difficult to let go of what makes you happy. 
You remembered it, how both of you would only smile at each other, like damn strangers, say a few hellos, and a fews how’s the weather, as if you hadn’t spent countless nights in between the sheets, as if you hadn’t danced in the middle of the night, as if you hadn’t given him each of the stars in the night sky, as if you hadn’t shared enough drinks together. Or as if you hadn’t fought for your love. You with that red jacket of his. How every path led to him. How every stupid weekend belonged to him, but now you wished they’d pass by sooner. 
Maybe that’s why you were always rushing, so you wouldn’t feel it. You didn’t like the weekends anymore. 
And now, she looked at him the way you were supposed to look at him. At first, it had hurt just a little, you hadn’t believed it. You knew it, everybody wanted to love him, but nobody knew what it felt, the crushing feeling that was loving him. How much it hurt, to watch him paddling with a precious smile, and those pair of angelic eyes, so pure and then turn into a devil just for you. 
Nobody knew how it felt. Anticipating a heartbreak every time he walked in, and to pretend that you didn’t feel that anymore. 
Last time only you thought you’d give him your heart, and he had pushed you away because his heart belonged to someone else. Then it was forbidden, to think about him, to dream about him, to still smell his scent on your pillows. It wasn’t right. 
How could his heart ever belong to someone else but you? 
And you had to smile, to say you were happy for him. Because you were, and that new girl was a fool because anyone who dares to fall for him is a fool, tangled in between lies. She who dares to love him is willing to have her heart crushed by him. And who but a fool is willing to let your heart be crushed by him. 
Last time you’d seen him had been a friday night, 10pm on that one pub he liked going to. You had gone out with your friends, and he was there, with her against his shoulder, her with the long hair and the perfect smile, perfect laugh. 
To think that had been your place once. You had avoided his gaze, ignored he was there. Pretending he hadn’t seen you. But he had. Pretending you hadn’t seen him. But you had. 
Someone had said there is life after love, but there is not love after him. It’s like you’d thrown everything to the fire, and he had watched it burn. Everyone said it: you’ll be happy. 
When? 
Sure, it’d come, eventually. But it had been a year. 
You’d heard he had broken up with her, a while ago. Then it was that hope again, probably why you were recurring to that café. 
It’s funny to think you’ll love someone forever, and then it just… disappears. Every promise eventually breaks, every kiss eventually fades, and love is eventually gone.
Then why wasn’t it? 
Time was your biggest enemy. 
Your story with him, from the moment you’d first seen him, he was just—perfect, you thought about it, how everyone said it was your soulmate. And you believed it. From the moment you’d met him, you had finally believed in soulmates, because it made sense. How your story had been built up to him, and how many times of sudden joy had you had before meeting him because of how close you were. 
Life had been so reckless. You were supposed to meet him several times before you actually met. It was stupid to think, how you were always thinking about it, now that you were apart. 
The first time you’d ever crossed paths had been when you had been very, very young. You didn’t know he had been there, not aware, at a park. And there had been this sudden joy. You remembered feeling it, you’d said it, felt a spark. 
Just children unaware of a flame burning too deep inside of you. 
That other time, at the supermarket when both of you had gone with each other’s mothers and both of you had been playing with the toys. 
You’d never forgotten that one very time, first time your hands ever touched, and it had felt like electricity. Two kids very confused by that spark, when both of them had reached to that one toy, confused. 
Or that one time at the café when he had walked in, you were sure he had walked in, you’d felt it, how your heart had started to beat so fast,  but before you could even glance at him he had walked out. Lost in the crowds, always. 
How both of you had had a broken heart at the same time. First kiss had been almost at the same time, just blocks away, actually. 
Or how you’d both been at that one party, but didn’t know about it. It made no sense how life had been so desperate to get you together but both your surroundings pulled you away. That night had been so close, both dancing behind each other, singing on top of your lungs to the same stupid song. 
Or that one time when someone had pointed him to you when you were at that one pub, “look, that guy is cute.” 
You had looked at him, he was. Shy smiles had only been directed in each other’s direction. 
You’d later learned he’d sent you a drink but the waiter had mistaken the table. 
That one time when you had run out of cash at that sandwich place because their card machine had stopped working, you were rushing, and you were missing only cents, and Tom had come to your rescue. 
Or how he worked near you and his dad had been friends with your mom at some point. How his favorite song was the same as yours, and how often you’d be at the same park, him on his phone, you reading a book. 
How you’d once met his dog that had run over to you. A dog that would learn to love you and did miss you from time to time. 
How Tom had randomly found that one book you’d lost at the park once, under that willow tree and he’d read it. Loved it and then lost it again at that same park, with a random paper note that read: “Jerry’s 8pm, wine.” he’d used as a book separator. 
Who was Jerry? What would happen at 8pm? Wine? What type? Red? Rose? White? Why were you so intrigued by that note? 
You’d kept it to this day. Still didn’t know what it was. You knew Jerry now, though, he was a friend.  And now you knew that he liked wine but preferred beer. 
You’d given him a pretty book separator. He still had kept it to this day, never used it, he always used random notes or napkins or whatever he found. At first it stressed you, how many book separators did you not have and he’d use napkins or those fortune papers that come with fortune cookies. So you had transformed into a better habit, you would write notes so he’d used them. You’d order chinese food more often, too. 
He said he’d always remember that, your little notes, the way you always stained your cup of coffee with lipstick, your two left feet when you danced, or the fact that your laugh would be heard across a room. He’d always recognize your laugh. 
What a Whimsical thing love is when it’s not the right time. 
How many times have you not felt like there was something missing? Until he appeared, at that one park near the cafe where you are sitting right now. The first time you’d ever officially met. Nothing out of a book, something very casual. Both of you at that café, it had been crowded that one day and the only chair available was the one in front of you. 
“I’m sorry, hello,” he had said, making you look up from your book. “May—I sit here?” He asked. “There’s no other chair left in the room and—“
“Yeah, yeah, hi, you can sit,” you had said, without really looking at him, but the moment you had, the moment your eyes had met his, you had…. felt like the whole surrounding had disappeared and you were the only people in the room, it seemed he had also noticed something.
A cold november evening, both of you had a reason to go home yet neither of you had  gone home. Both of you had found a way to that café, with coffees in a mug. The leaves falling outside.
He had sat right in front of you, you couldn’t help but blush when noticing he was attractive, very attractive. But there was something else about him, maybe it had been the way he couldn’t sit still. He had stared at you, and smiled. 
From the very first time you’d ever seen his smile, you knew three things,
His smile was the prettiest thing you’d ever laid your eyes on
His smile was so familiar 
His smile would eventually break your heart.
The third one wasn’t as cheerful but you could tell, he was one of those guys who could easily break someone’s heart in a blink. 
It didn’t take him a blink to break yours. You’d need a lifetime to break his. 
“I’m Tom.” 
“Y/N.” 
Both of you liked to debate over who’d talk to who first, it didn’t matter honestly. You both remembered how both of you had ordered the same drink, a cappuccino. Neither of you liked it, but apparently both of you had wanted to ask for something new. 
You’d always do that. Taste new drinks. 
And it had been… as if you’d met before. You had, multiple times before, but neither one knew, of course. Not at that point, but like you were meant to find him. The sun had gone down and it had been hours and hours of you talking to each other, like old friends who knew their deepest secrets and were catching up, laughs becoming one melody, and both of you had soon realized the cafe hadn’t been that crowded. Maybe it had been the damn destiny pulling you together. To that cafe near the park with that willow tree. 
He had asked questions you didn’t have the answers to back then. You did now. 
Before you knew it, you were walking with a stranger through the London night, seeing people walk by and not looking at them, because somehow you’d both walked to that one park. Both of you had discovered you both liked to sit on that one bench near the willow tree. How many times had you missed the other jusy by a matter of minutes. 
“You’re kidding, I love this place, I’m always here,” he had said. 
“I am, too, weird we’d never met before,” you had chuckled. 
You honestly didn’t remember how or why it had happened. A kiss. You’d kissed a stranger who didn’t feel like a stranger at all. 
“I’m sorry, I-” He had started. 
“No, it’s--” 
And then kissed again. Your stomach had dropped and had been replaced with butterflies. How had a simple cappuccino led to this? 
He’d given you a smile and a promise. You’d met him the next day, and the other one, and the next one. With that stupid smile of his. 
You missed that smile, or how he flirted with you, make you giggle with a stupid joke, or how he’d open his arms to you and kiss you, tumbling down to the couch. The way he’d make you listen to him ramble about his latest discovery. How he always found a way to make you smile in the crowds, always holding your hand, new dates in different places.
“What do you mean you’ve never gone paintball?” 
Weekends only for him, going for breakfast, for dinner, for lunch, for tea, for this, for that. . Then it was the weeknights too, always finding time for you, traditions you created and that you got rid off. Laying down on the grass, looking at stars, kissing in bars, dancing in his living room, your head on his shoulder in movie theatres, his scent on your pillow, his favorite movies next to your dvd, your perfume in his closet and your toothbrush in his bathroom. Notes he’d written to remember things all around your place. Birthdays, new year, parties. 
Endless nights of laugh, of wine and of nothing at all. Kissing. Video Games you didn’t understand, failed attempts to bake, watching sport games he loved and you… tolerated. Him finally agreeing to watch that movie with Ryan Gosling. 
“Why Ryan Gosling?” 
Building plans together, nights of both of you debating on something stupid. Singing on top of your lungs without knowing the lyrics. Getting lost together, that one roadtrip where neither of you knew the way and ended up at that one hotel in the middle of the road. Kissing. Learning to read every emotion, and being each other’s blankets. Hearing each other’s ugly laughs, and crying in front of the other. Being each other’s confort. Hugging him when you were scared at the movie. Meeting the parents. 
“They loved you, don't worry.” 
Always holding each other’s hands.  Fights under the rain. Making up hours later and cuddling to let go of it. Being friends with each other’s friends. Seeing friends getting engaged, going to the weddings. Talking about a wedding. Learning, becoming their best selves. 
Then…. Cold. 
He’d left you when you had been the most in love with him. When you thought he’d shows up with a ring. But he had said goodbye instead. With his picture on your phone and your hand cold with no one to hold. He’d changed your life, completely. 
You’d learned so, so, so much. And at some point you…. Realized it. 
You should’ve known, he was not your soulmate. 
You’d read somewhere about twin flames. Yeah… you had, about the one soul that changes your life. 
You’d learned about the importance of the sunrise and the sunset, how beautiful both of them are, and how dizzy you can get when you get to see both because you didn’t get to sleep because you had laughed and kissed all night. 
They say time is wise, yet you still were hurting and you still loved him. Because it was like his love was a thread still engraved to your own very soul. And though when you were with him it was timeless, you’d learned to give more minutes to the hours you were with him so you spend just a little bit more time staring into his eyes. How you’d learned about the importance of one’s sight, and how the eyes are the doors to the soul, he’d opened his soul completely to yours. And it was so beautiful and so easy to read. 
You’d learned a lot of things, like how to throw pebbles in the ‘right way’ to the river. You’d learned how to lie to your friends so you could go see him, late at night when the moon is the only light shining above yours. You’d learned that mistakes aren’t the end of the world and that you actually are very good at baseball. 
Tom had shown you how to distinguish between a guitar and a bass, not sure why you’d always confused them. And that it’s okay to sometimes leave the clothes on the floor if you’re rushing to get somewhere. Or that sometimes the clothes end up on the floor because you’re both… rushing. That it’s okay to have breakfast for dinner and that you can have dessert before the actual main course. He’d also taught you that facetime isn’t as good as being together but it’s enough to listen to each other’s voice. He had shown you that it’s okay to laugh at sex and that sometimes it’s not as romantic as it should be, that sometimes it is silly and other times it’s passionate. That it’s okay sometimes to say what you want to say before thinking. 
And you’d shown him how to enjoy a bad movie, or how to tie his shoes this other way, and that though the night kept changing, and you both kept growing and learning, you were still the same. You taught him that it’s okay not to know the lyrics and still sing the song, and that if you add a pinch of salt to the cookies you’re baking it’d make it sweeter. 
You’d taught him that Chinese legend. The red thread. 
“It is like an invisible red cord or thread which connects you to that one person you’re destined to meet, your true love,” you had told him. “In China it’s around your ankle, I believe… In Japan, male’s thumb and the female's little fingers, and in Korea are both little fingers.” 
He’d once, jokingly but not really wrapped around both of your pinkies a red thread. 
“I made it visible, see?” He had said. 
“You’re an idiot,” you had chuckled. 
“What happens if you’re apart?” He had wondered. 
“It’s supposed to bring you back together, it…” 
“Can I pull it, if I ever need you?” 
“I guess,” you chuckled. “I’m not sure.” 
“Can it break?” He asked. 
“I… don’t know,” you had confessed with fear.
Because you didn’t know. Maybe yours had been broken. 
But you kept teaching him things, and he kept teaching you other things. You’d also taught him not to never mistake salt for sugar to add to your tea. 
“They’re both a white powder I thought-” 
“Yeah I can think of more white powders that would’ve also gotten us in trouble.” 
You’d taught him that as long as you were his and he was yours, you’d shine as bright as stars. He’d shown you how to say ‘I love you’ to someone for the first time. Because you had, when you least had expected it, just about a weeks after you’d first dated. 
You wanted to order something for dinner, that one night, he was on his laptop ordering food,  you were cuddled against him reading who knows what. 
“Is it weird I want more fortune cookies? Would you be weirded out if someone was asking for more fortune cookies?” He had asked. 
You chuckled. “To get more fortune?” 
“To get more cookies, darling,” he had grinned. “Can’t be more fortunate than this, I am dating you, ain’t I?” 
“Very fortunate” you chuckled as he was ordering. 
“How much food would I have to order for them to send us like ten cookies?” He asked, mostly to himself. 
You laughed, “why don’t you bake them yourself?” 
“We both know we suck at baking, baby,” he reminded you as he kept adding food to the cart. “Besides we wouldn’t get the fortune paper thing, I like those as book separators.” 
He did use them as book separators and liked to randomly leave them on your nightstand  
“Why do you want them? We could buy them next week at the supermarket 
“They’re so good, darling and it’s not the same, they’re not fate then.” 
You only smiled, watching him. 
“Why don’t they sell like… the cookies?” He asked again. 
“They do—“
“No, not but like at the restaurants because they choose which ones to give you, that is fate,”  he continued. “Or like… Okay is this enough food so they think we are like ten  people here? Like if I order enough food they’ll send it to us, right?” He kept rambling to himself. “Like okay, we’d have to eat this for a while but baby look at the bright side we’d have more cookies and that would make me happy because I like the cookies, plus I wouldn’t steal your notes to use as a book separator and we could have like enough fortune things to… I don’t know wrap presents with.” 
And it had come out, so easily, “I love you,” you’d said without thinking about it, interrupting his rambling. You’d felt it for long enough, first time you’d ever kissed him  but somehow you’d never said it. 
And he had stopped worrying for the cookies suddenly, as he only looked at you, he hadn’t been prepared. He had only opened his mouth with surprise. He wasn’t as hungry anymore. 
“I--” he hadn’t said it back. 
“No, I’m sorry, no, no I’m sorry,” you gulped and sat up to get away. “No I didn’t--No, I don’t… I mean, no, yeah I do, I’m… Look you don’t have to… say it…I don’t love—No, I do, I do—“
He had smiled and took a deep breath, with surprise. 
You walked away. “No, baby, sorry—Tom, I’m sorry you don’t have to say anything I’ll just—Yeah.” 
You had tried to walk away but he had tackled you from behind, and turned you around to kiss you in his very way.  “I love you, too.” 
And the food had eventually arrived after kissing for god knows how long and you remembered opening that one fortune cookie. 
“Love, because is the only true adventure.” 
And it had been. The greatest adventure of your life, and it hadn’t been one of those crazy adventures. It had been small, but great. Good enough He’d forgotten one thing, he’d never shown you how to get over him. How to live without him. 
And you had said it, how it would never be too late for him to come back. He wouldn’t, you know. But he knew it, you’d always have each other. 
You had read about twin flames. How the compatibility and energy is so strong, so, so strong, so meant to be.  An intense soul connection, sometimes called a "mirror soul," thought to be a person's other half.  A same soul. And at times it did feel like it. 
But it doesn’t have to be forever. 
It should’ve been, though. 
But Tom was easily scared, and maybe he’d felt like his life with you would be forever, and you didn’t blame him for being scared. Finding the love of your life doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll have to spend your whole life with them. 
“I’m always going to love you,” he had said. You knew he wouldn’t. 
But he’d never leave your heart or your mind, no matter what, day, noon, midnight. He was always there, but he had moved on. Or had he, really? 
He hadn’t. But both of you had a very different version of the relationship. He had waited for you at that willow tree, you’d waited for him at that café. And it had been like that for a while, both of you waiting at the wrong place, at the wrong time. 
He did miss you, very, very much and he also couldn’t get over you. You didn’t know, but even when he was dating this other girl he kept going back to you. He had kept his promise, he would always love you. With every cell, with every bone on his body. With his entire soul, because it felt like it was missing its other half. 
He had stopped burning when he was apart from you. No light, no nothing.
Because everything led back to you, everything was about you. And he had bumped into you several more times, you hadn’t seen him, but he’d seen you walking in the rain, and he’d seen you when he stared at himself in the mirror. He saw you in every fortune cookie he ate, or in every book separator he found. He had felt incomplete when he wasn’t with you. 
And after you’d broken up, Tom had felt incredibly numb and sad, your pain combined with his. He’d always wondered why that happened how he knew how you were feeling, a hunch he’d say. 
He’d always have a song stuck in his head, and he’d be thinking of you at the most random times. He’d always expect to find your lipstick stain on his mugs 
He always wanted to call, he never did though. But he was there, even if you didn’t notice. Like how he’d randomly send you a coffee with your friends, asking them not to tell you it came from him, or how if he ever walked by your place, he’d clean the dust from the mailbox because he knew how much you hated when it got dirty. How he had become friends with that guy from the Chinese place you liked to order from and he’d told him to always give you extra fortune cookies.
Tom wasn’t the same when he was apart from you, he hadn’t slept, he hadn’t smiled. But he did see one bright thing because it felt like he was being pulled back to you. 
He regretted breaking up because he’d been too scared to admit you were on the other side of the string. He feared it could break. But he was also scared that he would become the person he was before you, and how you probably wouldn’t like who he was before that. 
He also didn’t believe in soulmates, until you came. Because he thought And he thought your connection was too strong to be a simple soulmate. His soul and yours were one. 
But he’d left because he had to learn the last lesson, the one lesson you couldn’t technically teach him, and that lesson could only be taught by missing you. And damn, did he miss you. 
Because no one was you, no one knew his smile like you did and no one could read him like you. Your perfume still lingered and he missed your toothbrush in his bathroom. He missed having to get your hair out of his face when you were asleep. He missed the way you’d leave your books around his house or the way that he heard you sing the wrong lyrics. Tom missed the way you’d kiss his temple when you woke up earlier than him and how you always covered him with blankets. Tom missed looking into your eyes and making you laugh by making a stupid joke, knowing you’d be the only one laughing. 
He missed having you around at parties, when all of his friends were talking about things he didn’t like and he looked for you to give you that one knowing look but you weren’t there. He missed you when he got drunk, he missed you when you he woke up, when he wanted to run to you and kiss your cheek from behind. When he wanted to watch a bad movie and laugh at it, he’d miss you all the time. 
Tom was gone, yes. But Tom was gone because he wasn’t with you, and he couldn’t be himself again. How could he after you? 
Was there life after love? 
And eventually he’d seen you, always running into you but not letting you see him because he knew it would hurt you, it hurt him too. But how many times had his shoulder not bumped into yours without you noticing because your head was low. Or how many times had he not heard your laugh across the room and seen you. You were everywhere. 
And he didn’t know why he couldn’t get the courage like that one first time when he’d first asked to sit with you, that one time when he’d first kissed you. No other pair of lips deserved to be kissed after he had kissed you. 
And life was pulling him back to you but he didn’t know if you’d take him. He was scared that you had moved on, but something told him you couldn’t. He somehow knew that you still loved him because he loved you too. 
So he’d sit there, under that willow tree waiting for you to come back. But he was always running out of time, always having elsewhere to be. Because no one ever has time. 
You did, too, always rushing and that’s why you never saw him. Until today, with that mug in your hands, watching people, couples. Soulmates. And there you were, at that cafe, waiting for him to come, near that one park with the willow tree where you’d first kissed. 
Wishing he would come. 
But life is a strange thing, and maybe it had been the fact that the foam on your cappuccino had spoken to you, or the fact that you’d still kept that one fortune paper on the back of your phone, hidden underneath the case, or the fact that you had almost poured salt into your coffee instead of sugar, or maybe it had been  that thread around your finger or maybe a coincidence by itself, but somehow you’d left that café that day, willing to go to that willow tree for the first time.
Because no one ever truly has time, but he had pulled the string. 
tagging some other people who might like this: tag list   @spidxrparkxr​ @mukesnugget @anxiousdesignerdancerbandlover​ @happywolves81   @happywolves81 @applenter @silver-winter-wolf    @applenter @claredolphinbear24​ @bookgirlunicorn​   @tomshufflepuff @avengersgirllorianna​ @nevertoofarfromivar @saintlavrents​ @herofiennestiffinashardinscott.  @tomzfrog @dark-infernal-instruments​ @awkwardfangirl2014 @spideysimpossiblegirl  @tomzfrog  @xapham @awkwardfangirl2014​ @xapham @tomhollandisagod @xapham​ @laurfangirl424 @vintageroses1014516 @cinnamon-roll-peter​   @the-lost-fairy-tale @the-lost-fairy-tale @lala-florez​ @lala-florez​    @ilcveyou3000 @xxtomxo @socorroann​ @muffinmari25   @cassindeansass  @rogers-obsessed-barnes-curious​ @southsidespideyy @southsidespideyy​ @nathaliabakes​ @nathaliabakes​ @embrace-themagic @embrace-themagic​ @sanniegirl1214 @sanniegirl1214​  @softholand @fairytaleparker @underooling​ @griff1ndor @griff1ndor @thatweirdomimic​ @avengersgirllorianna​ @reginalaufeyson-holmes @better-daisy @yeahimcrying @allmonstersxarehuman @spider-manholland @better-daisy​ @itstaskeen @georiaang @sebxstianbarnes @kissingtrutharchives  @snoopy3000 @prettymessygurl @spideyparkerstark @fanfic-4-you @lexshead @officiallyunofficialperson​ @mannien @whitewolfandthefox​ @melodiclovesong @bizzlepotter​ @bizzlepotter​  @localfangirlx @acceptance07 @witchythingscore @witchythingscore @swaggyspiderman @localfangirlx​  @queengemsworld @liberty0123 @stiles-banshees @itsjusttor @stretchkingblog97 @annathesillyfriend @itsjusttor​ @tomshufflepuff @thewayilookatbacon @petersdiaries @emjaywrites @emjaywrites @thewayilookatbacon​ @jungeunave @emjaywrites​ @ispiderdudei @ispiderdudei @literalfsngirltrash @quacksonhq​ @it-is-rebel-owl-ma-dudes​ @desir-ae @desir-ae​ @desir-ae​ @peterporkpie @peterporkpie​ @smolpeachees @thenoddingbunny-blog @quackeroos @quackeroos​ @spideyyeet @astoldbydanid @astoldbydanid @hollandcreep @hollandcreep @astoldbydanid​ @hollandcreep @rebekkah4766 @farfromtommy  @rubberducky-jrr @oh-whatabeautiful-parker​ @coveredinthemessimade​  @shameless-self-promo-of-a-shrub @sweetiesangster​ @thatdamjoke​ @annathesillyfriend @annathesillyfriend​ @witchythingscore​ @witchythingscore @bookworm06  @bookworm06  @lala-florez @lala-florez @chaoticpete @bookworm06​ @peeterparkr @chaoticpete @shezzalocked​ @cosmichollands-blog @frenchfrostpudding @badbitchydecisions @w4ybefor3nir4na jj @saintlavrents @americaswritings @ilovepeterparker13 @lukesbabylon @lukesbabylon @iamaunicorn4704 @simple-things @simple-things @sip-portteam  @herondale-snow-carstairs @tony-starks-ego @quaksonhehe0 @stargazerholland @marvelslut-musicalnerd @hotrubycrab @sovereignparker @peter-parker-tony-stank-trash @belleknows @mysticalinsomniac @nycparkers @nycparkers @anythingthaticareabout @spn-assemble-seven @tanyalooovesyou @somethingchaotic  @heartofholland @peachybloomss @youcompletemesk @emyla3305 @emyla3305–butt  @hollandstanevans @farfromtommy @farfromtommy @southbeachfeeling @eridanuswave @tonguetiedholland @wolvesofthewinter @quacksonobrien @dcnerd98 @ifntelyinspirit @electraheart-3174 @julialucena5 @itsmilamawson @harryssuckz @harryssuckz @xstarbae @xstarbae @xstarbae @peterbparkerrwrites   @averyfosterthoughts @darethedragonknights  @hannahholland1811 @justanamesstuff @emyla3305 @abbiefangirls247 @onewithnomightypowers @itscaminow @youllbmineandillbeyoursbabelove @hotrubycrab  @spidey-holland-96 @awkwardnesshabitat @geminiparkers@primadonnasdream @slytherinambitious @maybecharming @where-art-thau-romeo @viagracex @viagracex @sspidermanss @pcterparxer @whatevshollandarchive @aleyabee @aleyabee @lovewolfspirit @viagracex  @xallyouneedislovexx @panicattheeverywherekid  @pcterparxer @thehauntingofmymind @redhoodparker @redhoodparker @cakepopcriss @allthisfortommy @aleyabee @perspectiveparker @let-me-luve-you @xxpeachyxo @m-a-r-i-n-t-p @superstarchick @notjustpenandpaper @morbiddanvers @runaway3 @runaway3 @runaway3  @lu-morningstar @th0ttie4tommy @riasaurusrex @riasaurusrex @frustratingpaperclip @readheadwriter @geesquariid @noxceleste @noxceleste   @peterparker-rickybowen-mybabies @witchything @peterporkpie @bookworm06 @panicattheeverywherekid @imthefloor @ohmyquackson @seaveyheartful @wangtan-boys @obiwanownsmyass @sadisticfries @not-some-docile-teenager @galaxystern08 @lovemarvelousfics @tomzfrog @calsthomas @thearchersupremacy @nikitajackson @dayazenn @the-fandom-life-forever @just-kickin-ass @quaksonhehe @dummiesshort @samaratheweirdo @fr3akingphantrash @i-love-superhero @mandeeleebeebee @captainamirica @dramaticdiva @halparkebitch @uglypastels​ 
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mrs-hilmarson · 3 years
Text
Ocean Eyes (Part 2)
Ocean Eyes (Part 1)
Pairing: Tammy x Fem!Reader
Word Count: 2.8K
Parts: Part 1
Taglist: @peggycarter-steverogers @imgayandmymomdoesntknow​ @millysmango​
A/n: Glad you guys are liking Tammy. She’s fun to write for, because I imagine her having a bit of a wild side ;) I’m thinking there will probably only be 5 parts, because I would like to get started on Delia’s, but things are just really busy with my new job! Always, thanks for the patience and love!
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"I'm gonna kinda miss having you at the apartment everyday."
Sarah's voice ripped you away from the window, lost in your own empty thoughts. You smiled at her.
"I will miss seeing you every day, but I will not miss sleeping on your couch. It's lumpy. You really need a new one dude," you said, snickering.
"No way! My couch has got character, thank you."
"Sarah, I found a pack of fun dip from 1967 in the cushions."
Sarah opened her mouth to argue, but shut it. She gave you a side glare, trying to keep her eyes on the road while letting you see her wrath, as she called it. You laughed, it filling the car.
"Don't worry Sarah-Bee, I'll come visit you on my off days," you said, patting her leg.
You guys pulled into Tammy's huge driveway to find her and the kids waiting for you on the doorstep, standing there like a Home and Garden's ad. Tammy smiled and waved as well as her two smallest children. The oldest boy was obviously forced to stand there and looked like he was ready to be released.
You stepped out of the car and the family walked towards you. The little girl ran ahead of them all, nearly leaping to you.
"Hi! My name is Keri! You wanna play?" she asked, immediately taking your hand and tugging on it.
Tammy reached forward and put her hand on Keri's shoulder, giggling.
"Hold on sweetheart. She just got here and needs to get settled. You guys will have plenty of time to play. She lives here with us now," she said, never breaking eye contact with you.
You felt the blush creep onto your face. You weren't positive, but there seemed to be  a glint in Tammy's eyes, as if she saw it. You tore your eyes away from hers and looked back down at the little girl, smiling. She smiled back, grabbing onto her mothers hand to hold it and bring it close to her face.
Tammy cleared her throat and pushed the two boys forward. The little one had a mischievous look about him and the older one was just uninterested completely.
"These are my two men, Derek and Jeremy," Tammy said.
"I'm Derek! I'm named after my dad. He doesn't live here anymore!" the younger one chirped.
Everyone shot him a look, but he remained blissfully unaware at the fact of his oversharing. The oldest though, seemed more than angry, and reached over and slapped his younger brother in the ear.
"Stupid! You don't say that shit!"
"Jeremy! Watch your mouth and leave your brother alone," Tammy said, moving him to where he  was looking her in the face. He seemed to growl and jerk away. He sulked off towards the house.
You saw the concern on Tammy's face. He must not have been handling the divorce so well. Your heart ached for the boy, even though he seemed a little bit like a dick. Tammy sighed and turned back to you.
"Kids," she said, trying to chuckle and brush it off.
"Well! How about we get Y/n and her stuff inside and get her welcomed home?" Tammy asked the two little ones.
They both cheered with the excitement only small children seemed to have and ran to Sarah's car to help grab the boxes and suitcases that were in the back. Tammy came up behind you, placing her hand on the small of your back. You jumped a bit, feeling heat spread out through your body. Tammy leaned forward to whisper in your ear, but all you could manage to think was how good she smelled.
"Don't worry about Jeremy, give him time to warm up to you. He misses his dad, but he's a good kid," she whispered, her breath hot on the shell of your ear.
You swallowed and nodded, forcing a smile. She brought her face into your view, just inches from yours. She smiled and winked and her fingers seemed to drag as she brushed her hand from your back and walked to the car to help get your things.
Get your shit together Y/N. She was talking about her kids emotional state and all you could think of was her perfume!
You scolded yourself and went to help the family unload your old life to officially start your new one.
When Tammy had said you would have the entire attic and your own bathroom, you thought you would have a maybe enough room for a twin bed and a dresser, maybe a desk and a bathroom that probably had a shower and not much else. You were very wrong.
Your new bedroom was bigger than Sarah's entire apartment, with lush carpet and crown molding. The bed was big and plush with a down comforter that felt like a cloud and smelled like cherry blossom. You not only had a 8 drawer dresser, but a walk in closet that could hold your entire wardrobe and still have 98% of it be completely empty. There were shelves filled with books and free space that Tammy said you could put whatever you like on.
The desk was a solid piece of white wood that seemed like it would cost the same as a down payment on a car. Your bathroom felt straight out of a high class suite with a huge tub, amazing walk in shower, and not just one sink, but two. There was even a wall length mirror. But your favorite part of the whole house was the balcony. You had your own balcony. A set of french doors lead out to it and you knew you would have the perfect view to watch the sun rise over the trees in the morning.
This morning you were waking up on a smelly, yellow polyester couch to the sound of street construction and Sarah singing Taylor Swift as she burnt breakfast. Now, you were overlooking an amazing view of a beautiful, quiet neighborhood from your very own penthouse with an amazing job and the most beautiful boss you could have ever imagined.
You took a deep breath of the crisp night air. You were exhausted from unpacking and getting to know the kids and were looking forward to just laying in your new bed and dosing off when you heard a knock at your door. You had to jog from outside and across the room to reach the door, expecting to see one of the kids. Instead Tammy stood in front of you, smiling.
"Getting settled in okay?" she asked.
You smile and nodded, stepping aside to welcome her in. She walked in and looked around. There wasn't much difference, but you had put out some of your personal items and pictures. It would take some time, but it did feel a little bit more like yours after a couple of hours of work.
"Looks nice. More lived in than it has ever been. You've made it homey," she said, her voice warm.
"I hope that is okay," you said, unsure why you felt so insecure about her opinion. She whipped around to look at you.
"Of course! That's what I want more than anything. For you to make this your home. I know this is your job, but I want you to like it here," she said, stepping closer.
Your breath got caught in your throat again, and you forced yourself to breathe normally. You saw the corner of Tammy's mouth twitch, a tiny smirk showing for just a second. You brushed your hair away from your face and cleared your throat. It was becoming your signature.
"I definitely like it here. Don't worry. You and the kids are great. The room is amazing, I've never lived somewhere so nice before. And dinner was great. Its been a really long time since I sat down and got to eat together with a family."
Tammy's face softened a bit at the last bit, and while you could see curiosity in her eyes, she didn't ask any further. There was a moment of silence before Tammy got the conversation back on track.
"Well I'm glad you liked dinner and are getting settled. I got the kids in bed already and was actually wondering if you would like to come down stairs and have a glass of wine with me? Just you and I, so we could get to know each other more as friends rather than boss and employee."
You stood there, smiling, just staring at her. You must have been standing there for longer than you realized in silence because Tammy cocked an eyebrow, confused by your silence. You tried to recover like you were thinking, but you really couldn't save yourself here.
"Oh! Yeah! Sure! I'd love to!" you said, your voice a little too high pitched. Tammy giggled and nodded, heading back towards the door.
"Get in your jammies and meet me down stairs. I'll be waiting," she said as she closed the door behind her.
You released the breath you had been holding, your whole body relaxing. You didn't realize how tense you were. You were going to have to learn how to function around Tammy or you probably wouldn't have this job for long. Tammy seemed to find it cute for the time being, but once it stopped just seeming like you were awkward and nervous about a new job, it would be pretty obvious it was a bit more. The nanny crushing on her boss was so cliché to begin with, never mind how problematic it would be in this situation.
You got dressed in your nice pair of pajamas, not wanting to walk down stairs in a ratty t-shirt and shorts. It was mainly dark in the house, but the kitchen was completely lit, guiding you down the stairs and towards Tammy who worked on a wine cork.
Her pajamas were silk and red, hanging off her frame in a way that showed a bit of skin depending how she moved. The shorts barely covered her butt and you felt like you were being tested. You would make sure to keep your eyes either on Tammy's face or at the wall behind her because you were not going to make things weird.
Tammy smiled when she saw you and you swore she looked you up and down, but you just kept your eyes forward.
"Don't you look cute," Tammy said, popping the cork out of the wine bottle.
You sat on the stool at the kitchen island and watched as Tammy poured two glasses and handed one to you. You took a sip and were taken back by how strong it was. You were going to have to be careful or you would be gone rather quickly.
Tammy took a big sip of hers and smiled, licking the red liquid off her lips. You felt yourself cry on the inside. You wanted nothing more to spend alone time with Tammy, but you really wished you had gone to bed.
"So, tell me about the tree branch," she said, taking a smaller sip this time.
You looked up at her, confused.
"Huh?"
Tammy laughed, pointing to your hair.
"You said this afternoon you would tell me how you got the twig stuck in your hair. You also mentioned something about promising you bathed?" she said, raising her eye brows up as she twirled her wine glass with a smile that spread across her face.
You laughed and felt some of the tension leave your body. This was just a normal conversation and your boss really was just trying to get to know you and make it a more comfortable situation for the both of you.
"See what happened was, I got an Uber into the neighborhood but asked the driver to drop me off at the gate so that way you wouldn't see me get out of this particular car because it looked like it drove straight out of 'Dude, Where's My Car' and I honestly didn't want you to associate me with weed and old pizza."
"First impressions are important," she said, extending her wine glass towards you.
"Exactly. So I started walking but because I have never been here before, I got lost. So I called Sarah and she told me the way to your house, but if I took that way I would be late. So she told me, if I cut through the backyard of the house I was in front of and walked through the trees, I would actually be at the back of your house, so I found the houses fence."
"You snuck onto their property?" Tammy asked, her eyes lighting up. She leaned onto the counter and her pajamas moved, revealing her bra. You kept your eyes on hers though.
"I don't think its considered sneaking if the old woman who lives there sends her yappy dog after you for disrupting her yoga session as she swears at you. I ran to the picnic table at the edge of the fence and threw myself over it as I tried to convince her I really was a nice girl before complimenting the home I had just trespassed into, and dropped into the woods and ran so fast I'm surprised I didn't die."
At this point, Tammy was doubled over, cackling.
"I'm gonna pee," she muttered, crossing her legs as she laughed. You laughed along with her, Tammy's giddiness being contagious. You looked at her as she met your eyes and just looked at you as you both came down from your laughter. You smiled as you took a sip of your wine. You were glad you hadn't gone to bed.
It felt like minutes, but you and Tammy stayed up for four hours talking about life, your interests, your childhood. Everything seemed fuzzy and warm because you were both on your fourth glass and you couldn't remember exactly when you both had moved to the couch, but that is where you both found yourself.
"So when I had Keri, I was utterly exhausted. My husband was home with me for the first four days after we brought her home, but he left on a two week work trip after that and I was alone with three kids, two of which were under two."
You shook your head. Her husband sucked. You didn't like him. You didn't know him, but you didn't like him.
"So when Keri was 9 days old, I had to take Derek to the doctor for an ear infection. Jeremy was five at the time so he was literally everywhere, Derek was screaming, and Keri was just sleeping in her car seat. We got Derek looked at, got the prescription and left. We were halfway to the pharmacy when I felt like I had forgot something."
You covered your mouth, stifling the drunk giggle starting to come from your mouth. Tammy hit you on your shoulder.
"I would like to remind you I was basically a single mother of three kids and sleep was not a thing. But I forgot Keri, in the doctors office. Just left without her! Right when I noticed, a nurse from the office called me and I was just crying on the phone all the way there. The nurses tried to console me but that was definitely one of my worst mom moment so far. She still doesn't know that happened. Not sure she ever will."
You both laughed that kind of deep laugh that if you weren't careful, would choke you. You laughed and bent over, accidentally falling over and right into Tammy's lap. It took you a moment to realize you had done it, but Tammy noticed immediately.
She stared at you, but not with a look of discomfort on her face, but something else. You immediately pushed yourself back into a sitting position, your flush ten times worse due to the wine it your system. Tammy smiled and looked away, sighing.
"You know Y/N, I'm so happy you get to be here, with us. Not just for the kids, but for me too."
You looked at her, unsure what to say. You watched as she scooted closer to you, frozen. She brushed the hair that had fallen in your face to behind your ear. Her hand lingered on your cheek and you felt her thumb run against the edge of your jaw. You were sure it was visible how hard you swallowed and how you chest rose and fell rapidly.
She smiled and her eyes flicked down. She looked you over and hummed before pulling back.
"We are going to feel like shit in the morning if we don't get to bed. Especially because Keri and Derrek like to wake up at the ass crack of dawn."
You smiled at that and it caused Tammy to chuckle. You helped one another up and walked up the stairs. Tammy stopped at her door, but didn't go in. You climbed the stairs to the third floor, but felt Tammy starring at you. You turned around to see her leaning against her doorframe, her face dreamy.
"Goodnight Y/N. I'm happy you're here."
With that Tammy winked, and pushed open her door, stepped into the dark room, and closed it slowly behind her. You seemed to float up the stairs and straight into your bed, the soft plush mattress welcoming you. You drifted off to sleep with that warm fuzzy feeling of wine tingling through out your body and Tammy's smiling floating around in your head.
170 notes · View notes
starbornvalkyrie · 3 years
Text
paper rings [a nessian one-shot]
a/n: hey besties!! here’s some fluff for this fine saturday. i wrote this for my mate, my besta @vanserrasvalkyrie​ bc i love her to death and she deserves everything. i wrote this based on paper rings by taylor swift. enjoy!
acotar masterlist || masterlist of masterlists
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When the sunlight hit his face, Cassian stretched with a groan and reached for his girlfriend. Girlfriend. Three years and he was still shocked that was the title he could call Nesta Archeron. When they met all those years ago, he could have sworn she hated him. He thought it might have been his high clouding his mind but no. 
Nesta gave him the cold shoulder every time they hung out, though he never failed to sense her eyes on him when they were out with his friends. There was something about Nesta that always drew him to her. Some sort of gravitational pull that made her irresistible--even as she pushed him away.
Cassian frowned when he found that the other side of the bed was cold, his girlfriend long gone for the day. Blinking slowly, he wondered if she told him what she was up to today. Not that she needs to, but she usually gives him a heads up. His thoughts were pulled away when his phone chimed.
A single text message from Nesta read, Morning, babe. I’m out running errands with Feyre today. I’ll see you later. Xx
Cassian couldn’t help the grin that formed on his lips at her use of the word babe, and he used that energy to get out of bed and prepare for the day. The day that he hopes will bring him one step closer to calling Nesta his wife.
He dialed Rhys, putting the phone to his ear as he fastened his watch around his wrist. He smiled fondly at it, remembering the day Nesta gave it to him saying, “Your old watch is too loud. Use this.”
Rhys answered on the last ring with a labored, “Hello?” followed by a female yelp and giggle. His brother shushed her, but Cassian’s brows furrowed.
“Is that Feyre?”
Rhys cleared his throat, “Yeah, of course, why?”
“I just thought…” He trailed off. “Nevermind, brother. Is everything still set for tonight?”
He could practically hear Rhys rolling his eyes when he replied, “Yes, brother, we’ve been over it a thousand times. It’s going to be great.”
“Okay, okay. I’ll leave you two to… whatever I interrupted.” Cassian almost gagged hearing Rhys’ stifled groan of a goodbye as he hung up, patting his jacket pocket to feel for the ring one more time. He was about to grab his keys when he noticed a note on their side table, the elegant script telling him who left it. Smiling, he picked it up and read.
Cassian,
Do you remember the night we first met? I remember it vividly, probably because I wasn’t as stoned as you. But what I haven’t told you is that I went home and stalked you on the internet. Full on FBI mode. If you tell anyone, I will not hesitate to kill you. Sometimes I think about how I tried so hard to learn every detail I could about you without actually talking to you, but now I feel like I know more than I should.
We’ve shared a lot these past three years, and I have to say that one of my favorite hobbies to share with you is reading. The days we spend wasting away in bed reading side by side are the days I hope we will continue to share for the foreseeable future. While they aren’t my favorite, I do enjoy the war novels and thrillers you keep beside your bed. I think I’ve read all of them by now.
I skimmed Catch 22 this morning and was particularly intrigued by page 143.
It wasn’t signed, but Nesta’s perfume lingered on the page, igniting Cassian’s senses. The memories she wrote of came to the forefront of his mind. She was shy at first, not wanting him to know the sort of books she enjoyed reading with her friends. But one night he snuck one off her nightstand. Needless to say, they’ve had their fair share of experimentation based on a few of her novels. And when she read his books and talked excitedly with him, he thought he’d propose on the spot.
Cassian rushed to his bedside table and, sure enough, Catch 22 is on top. He flipped to the page she mentioned. Another note fell out along with a blue paint swatch. The color looked familiar, but he couldn’t figure out where he knew it from. Shrugging, he read the note.
Cassian,
Do you remember when Azriel made us all help him paint his room? My favorite memory of that day was the fact that there was more paint on us and our friends than there was on the walls. You, of course, had the brilliant idea of jumping into the pool of Az’s apartment complex. At 8PM. On a January evening. No one wanted to join you, for obvious reasons. I still think you’re an idiot for suggesting it. I still think you’re an idiot for actually doing it.
But then again, I followed. You may have jumped first, but I went in, too. I will always follow you, Cass, to the ends of the earth.
Will you follow me, too?
Yes. One hundred percent, yes. Cassian would follow Nesta to the ends of the earth and back. He’d slay dragons for her or just sit back while she conquered them herself. He couldn’t think of a time when his world didn’t revolve around Nesta. While they played games of cat and mouse when they first met, it was always Nesta. For him, he would always follow Nesta.
Will you follow me, too? He absolutely would. There were no other directions on the note, but Cassian knew exactly where he needed to go. Carefully folding the notes, he placed them in his pocket next to the ring. Giving the pocket another pat, he grabbed the keys to his truck and made his way through town. Azriel moved out long ago to live with his girlfriend, but Cassian still knew how to get to his old apartment complex.
That night was one of the best nights of Cassian’s life, but not for the reasons Nesta might be thinking. It was fun, definitely, swimming in that freezing pool, alcohol the only reason they didn’t feel the icy bite of the water. But that was the first night Nesta laughed and smiled with only him. Sure, before then, he had seen her radiant smile and heard her mesmerizing laugh with their friends. But with no one else around them in the pool, Cassian had relished in the fact that he was the reason for her happiness. It was the first time he had dared to hope for something more.
The apartment complex wasn’t gated, so Cassian drove right in, straight to the clubhouse pool. He hopped out of his truck, leaving it running idle, as he searched the area. He searched the chaise lounge chairs and tables but only saw a towel and duffel bag that someone left behind. He walked the perimeter of the pool itself. Still nothing. Did he get it wrong? Was he supposed to go somewhere else? Confused and frustrated, Cassian was about to give up when something at the bottom of the pool caught his eye: a ziploc bag anchored by a can of paint.
“You have got to be kidding me, Nes,” he mumbled to himself. Cassian went back to inspect the duffel bag, cursing his cruel girlfriend the whole way. When he unzipped the bag, a note was on top. Have fun getting wet, was all it said. Underneath was a pair of Cassian’s swim trunks and an extra pair of clothes. Accepting his fate, he changed in the restroom, and dove into the pool.
Pulling the paint can--the same color they painted Az’s room--to the surface was harder than he thought it would be, but eventually he was sitting on the edge of the pool, feet dangling in the water that was a lot warmer than it was that night. Shaking the moisture from the bag and his hands, he took out the note, slightly shorter than the rest. Nesta knows he’d be impatient and nearly irritable by now, and he loved her even more for thinking about that detail.
Nice day for a swim, right? I wish I could have been there to see it, but don’t worry, I’ll have you wet and shirtless in no time later. But in all seriousness, I had a lot of fun that night. Getting to know you better in the pool is one of the highlights of our relationship and it’s something I will never forget.
But let’s go back to the beginning. Meet me in the place it all began. I’ll always be waiting for you.
Cassian grinned and pushed himself up to dry off and change. He grabbed the clothes Nesta packed for him, pleased to know she knew his style, and meticulously transferred the small box from his jacket pocket to the front of his jeans.
Knowing exactly where to go, Cassian made his way to meet his future wife.
---
Nesta waited nervously on the dock of a lake just outside of Velaris. She clutched the final envelope in her hands, reminding herself every few minutes not to ruin it. She sat on a blanket, a basket filled with Cassian’s favorite foods. She tried to push doubt from snaking its way into her brain, but she couldn’t help it.
She had been dropping hints to Cassian for months now but to no avail. After Rhys proposed to Feyre six months ago, Nesta felt that tug in her heart that told her she was ready. She practically told Cassian as much. She made it a point to talk about Feyre’s wedding prep every day, asking what he would want if he was in their position. She even went as far as showing him rings.
But Cassian hasn’t made a single move. Nesta knows he loves her, but does he not see her as wife material? Does he only love her for now? Nesta didn’t think so, and she didn’t let herself believe that, but the seed of doubt is still there, waiting to grow. To counteract the doubt, she decided to take things into her own hands.
Hence the basket and the notes. 
Her phone chimed with a text from Az telling her that Cassian just jumped into the pool. He got it on video. She laughed and asked him to let her know when Cassian left the apartment complex. While all of their friends were in on the event, Azriel was the only one she trusted to trail Cassian without being caught. Everyone else was tasked to decorate their apartment for a party after Cassian left on her scavenger hunt.
Nesta stood as she heard the sound of tires on gravel and braced herself as she watched Cassian step out of his truck and make his way towards her. Much to her amusement, she realized his hair was still a little damp from his impromptu swim, but he was also wearing the jeans and button down shirt she had packed for him as well. Nesta still counted herself lucky, praying to the Cauldron every day that this was the man that crashed into her life all those years ago.
Cassian stopped in front of her, surveying her from head to toe. His gaze sent shivers down her spine, but she stayed still as he scanned her set up on the dock, a smile gracing his lips as he most likely remembered what they’ve done out here. Multiple times.
Finally, he turned back to her and greeted her, “Hi, Nes.”
“Hey,” she said, voice low.
“What is all this?” He started to move towards her, but she held up her hand, nerves getting the best of her.
“I-- uh, we’ll get to that. But first,” she held up the note she held in her hand. “Last one.”
This time, he did step closer to her, but didn’t touch her yet. Ever observant, he knew she needed her space right now while her nerves went haywire. He stopped just in front of her, though, and asked, “Will you read it to me?”
Nesta’s eyes went wide, scanning the hazel ones she’d come to love so much. She saw only love and a hint of amusement staring back at her, so she whispered, “Okay,” and opened the envelope. With a few deep breaths, she began to read.
“Cassian. My best friend, my love. The biggest brute on the planet.
I don’t know how else to put this, but when I think about who I was when we first met, I can’t help but feel that I fell in love with you by accident. Don’t get me wrong, I am so glad that I did. But you know me, I hate accidents. I hate when things don’t go the way I want them to. And that’s you in a nutshell. I never know what’s going to happen, but I’m here for it, along for the ride for the rest of my life.
You know my past better than anyone else, even my sisters. All of the things that happened with Tomas… if none of that had happened, I wouldn’t have found you. I can even say I’m thankful for your past girlfriends, knowing that you wouldn’t be the man I know without them. We may fight, we may not be perfect, but that doesn’t stop me from loving you and hoping you love me in return.
Because I want it all, Cassian. I want you and all the complications you may come with. I want to kiss you randomly just because I can. I want to brighten your dreary Mondays, for you to wrap your arms around me while I cook, and everything in between.
You’re the one I want, Cass, in any way you’ll have me. Picture frames, dirty dreams, you name it.”
Nesta paused, steadying herself for the next part. She wiped the tears that started to fall from her eyes as she read. When she looked at Cassian, she could see the silver lining his own eyes as he gave her a watery smile. The smile she can’t imagine living without ever again. Steeling herself, she asked, “Are you going to make me do the knee thing?”
The corner of Cassian’s mouth turned up higher at that, decorating his face with that smirk that’s gotten him into so much trouble in the past. “You know how I like to see you on your knees in front of me, Nes,” he teased, making Nesta’s heart stutter.
“Brute,” she mumbled. “Fine.” Nesta adjusted her dress as she got down on one knee, holding the note in her palms. “I know this isn’t a shiny ring or anything fancy, but I don’t need any of that. I only need you, Cass. You’re the one I want until we’re taken to the next life and every moment after that as well. Will you marry me?”
Cassian hesitated for only a split second before he was on his knees in front of her, her face in his hands. “You stole my thunder,” he accused, his voice playful. When Nesta only stared at him with a cocked brow, he chuckled. She watched as he reached into his jean pocket and pulled out a small velvet, black box. Nesta couldn’t contain her gasp as he opened it to reveal a perfectly cut ruby set on a simple silver band. “You’re the only one for me, Nes. You’ve always been the only one for me.”
Nesta stared at the ring. “Cass…” she whispered.
“Are you sure you don’t want the shiny things? I can return this…”
“Don’t you dare,” she snapped. “Ring me.” Nesta stuck her left hand in Cassian’s face. He laughed but removed the ring from the box to slip it onto her ring finger.
They both watched in silence, the air buzzing with anticipation, as Cassian pushed the ring past her first knuckle then the second. Until it metaphorically clicked into place at the bottom of her finger.
A perfect fit.
Nesta launched herself at Cassian, tackling him to the deck with a searing kiss. Her heart thundered wildly, their tongues tangling as the words engaged, fiance, and future husband played on repeat in her mind like her favorite song. She pulled back to look down at her best friend, her everything, his eyes shining right back at her.
“I love you, Nes,” he said, voice low but thick with emotion.
“Until the end of time,” she replied with another kiss.
---
Thanks for reading! If you’d like to be added to/taken off my general SJM tag list just send me an ask and be sure to include the fandom! i’m very good at losing them in the comments. love y’all!
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121 notes · View notes
lexwritess · 3 years
Text
And It Was All Yellow [B.B]
Pairing- Bucky Barnes x Reader
warnings- anxiety, depression, panic attacks, death, blood, fighting
Word count- 2.2k
a/n- this is based on the song yellow by Coldplay link is in the fic if you want to listen while reading. I’m super proud of this I hope you guys enjoy it! It would be super appreciated if you reblogged so more people could see it!
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“For you I’d bleed myself dry.”
You Bucky, Sam, Steve, and Nat were sent on a mission in Canada. Someone that used to work for HYDRA formed their own army, trying to fulfill what HYDRA wanted.
Currently you all were on a jet on the way there, discussing everything you know so far.
“Okay so we know they have two super soldier assassians, and they’re experimenting with other unknown substances.” Steve was explaining and trying to strategize a plan for when we get there. Bucky and Steve always wanted to have a plan before going on a mission.
“Y/n, do you remember what they used on you when you were kidnapped?” Natasha asked you.
HYDRA kidnapped you about three years ago. They did experiments on you, trying to make you more powerful than any other assassin they made before. The things they injected you with gave you powers. You were able to heal, and create energy shields. But the first time you used your powers it nearly killed you, one of the HYDRA agents was shot and they told you to heal him, but when you did it nearly ripped you apart. They left you to die after. That’s when Steve found you. Bruce did some scans and tests to try to figure out what they did, but he couldn’t figure it out. But you were told to never use your powers again or it would kill you.
“No all I know is that they used the super soldier serum mixed with other things.” You reply back to them.
You wish you could use your powers. It would be so helpful to everybody and you could save a lot of lives. Tony and Bruce worked together to try to let you be able to use them but the only thing it did was make your eyes flash a yellow color when you thought about using them, similar to Wanda.
“Okay, I thought so but it was worth a shot.” Nat replied back to you.
You nodded and Steve got back to explaining his plan.
“Hey doll.” You hear Bucky whisper beside you.
“Hey Buck.” You smile at him as he wraps an arm around you.
“Can you promise me something?” He paused letting out a slight sigh.
“Please go along with the plan.”
“Yeah of course, I always do.” You reply, scrunching your eyebrows in confusion. You didn’t know why he was telling you this. He’s never done this before.
“No you don’t. You always go on your own way and almost get hurt everytime-.” You interrupted his rant.
“But I never have.” You smirk at him.
“Doesn’t mean you ever will, but please darling they’re dangerous. You almost died last time you were with them. I-I can’t lose you Y/n.” Bucky’s eyes glaze over.
You don’t know what’s gotten into him. We’ve gone on missions that were way more dangerous than this one.
“You’re not going to lose me Bucky, sometimes you can’t follow the plan though.” You look at him with concern.
He pulls you in for a hug and holds you there for a minute kissing your forehead.
“What’s the matter James, why are you so worried.” You cup his cheek and he turns his head away.
“It’s stupid.” He grumbles.
“It’s not stupid if it’s got you this upset bub, tell me.” You persist.
He sighs and rolls his eyes. “I had a dream you died.” He mumbles. You heard him though. You’re used to him being embarrassed of his feelings so he’ll just mumble everything out.
“Bucky, nothings going to happen to me.” You smile and put both your hands on his cheeks, giving him a big kiss.
He chuckles at your silliness, you always know how to make him feel better.
“You kiss like a Grandma.” He laughs at you.
“You’re older than my Grandma.” You giggle back as he pulls you closer to him, giving you a proper kiss.
“You better not die either or I’ll kill you.” You pout at him.
“I like your logic, doll.” He hums back at you.
“Promise me.” You say to him seriously.
“I promise.” He smiles grabbing your pinky and intertwining it with his.
“Alright love birds, we’re here get ready.” Sam smiles at you guys.
-
Once you guys got off the jet a car was parked there and HYDRA uniforms were in it, giving you all a disguise.
You all got out of the car and are standing together, reviewing the plan one more time.
“Okay we go in there, try to keep a low profile. Try to avoid fighting as much as possible we don’t want their assassians after us. We get to the basement and destroy their machines. Easy.” Steve says confidently.
“Okay, what happens if we get caught?” Sam asks.
“Try not to make a big scene. Use that move we learned at training last week. If that doesn’t work let us know where you are.” Steve explains.
“Okay, you guys ready?” Steve gives a reassuring smile to everyone and you go in.
You all split up and go to different parts of the facility that lead to the basement.
“Hey you!” You hear someone shout at you. Damn it you were so close to the basement.
“Who are you?” The man looks at you, scanning your face.
“Taylor Prince.” You say confidently. Sam demanded you all had fake names.
He makes a puzzled face but you whisper up to him the word Nat told you guys to say in Russian.
He nods his head and your off back to the basement.
You hear static from your ear piece and a voice cutting in.
“I’m going to need you guys, soldiers in the basement.” Sam says. You hear gun shots and shells dropping. You hurry the rest of the way down the hallway into the basement.
Nat and you got there at the same time and you run down the stairs to see the rest of your team fighting the super soldiers.
There’s a few guards down there as well. You and Natasha go to knock them out making it easier to get rid of the soldiers.
- (play this if you want)
“Goddamn it, these soldiers wouldn’t give up.” You sigh out happy that you guys can finally do what you need to do.
“Yeah that’s how you two were.” Sam rolls his eyes.
“Oh sorry.” You reply give a nervous smile to Bucky.
“Okay let’s hurry before they wake up.” Steve says and you guys run towards their machines.
You look over and see a shadow. “Hey guys I think someone’s over-.” You were cut off by a gun shot. You all snap your head at the direction of the sound.
You hear a groan and someone drop to the floor.
You look down and see Bucky clutching his chest. They shot his heart.
Anger is all you feel.
You take out your pistol and shoot the soldier. Shot after shot after shot...
“Y/n! Y/n stop shooting he’s dead!” Steve yells at you snapping you out of it.
You drop to your knees by Bucky’s side.
“Hey doll.” He tries to give you a smile and coughs up blood.
You let out a sob and look away. You can’t. You can’t let him go.
“You promised me.” You cry out, your voice cracking as you let out another sob.
“Sometimes you can’t follow the plan though.” Bucky replies, copying what you said to him on the jet.
“I-I can’t.” You pause, tears never stop streaming from your face. “I can’t live without you.” You hiccup.
“You can. I love you.” Bucky closes his eyes.
“No, no Bucky open your eyes!” You yell.
Bucky is breathing shallow breaths. You can see he’s losing oxygen.
“Say it back before I go.” He breathes out.
“Buck...” You say so quiet you’re not sure if he heard you.
“Y/n, please.”
“I love you Bucky. I love you so much.” Your voice fades out and you begin sobbing again.
You see the slightest smile form on his face and his chest rises for the last time.
“No, no, no, no, no.” You start panicking. “C’mon Y/n.” Sam says softly grabbing your arms trying to lead you away from your dead boyfriend.
You push him away and finally break.
“No! Bucky wake up! I know you can, you can, wake up Buck please!” You start repeating yourself over and over again.
“You promised!” You’re screaming now. Screaming and sobbing you feel two sets of hands on you now grabbing you pulling you back.
“Get off of me!” You scream at them, your eyes glowing yellow.
“Y/n. Don’t.” Natasha tells you sternly. Dry tears in her face.
You turn away from them and start using your powers for the first time since you almost died.
“Y/n STOP!” Steve comes over to pull you away from his deceased best friend. You sway your hand over in his direction and his body hits the wall.
You put your hands on Bucky’s wound, praying that this works.
You feel your body starting to tear it’s self apart. You groan out in pain, but continue trying to bring Bucky back.
“Y/n, you’re going to kill yourself!” Sam yells at you.
The yellow light between you and Bucky is almost blinding. Your body can’t take much more.
Your screaming in agony at this point. You give one last big push of your powers before collapsing to the floor. You can barley see. White stars and blind spots cover your vision, probably from all the blood your body is loosing. It won’t be long till you bleed out.
You hear a gasp and slowly turn your head towards the noise.
It worked.
“Y/n! What? Doll why would you-why would you do that?” Bucky rushes to your side.
“I can’t live without you Buck. I told you.” You reach your hand out for Bucky to hold. He cups your hand between his and rests his head against it while sobbing.
You wanted to feel that chill vibranium one more time.
“Y/n, I can’t do this why would you kill yourself for me?” Bucky can’t stop questioning everything. He’s in shock from being dead and the fact the love of his life is dying right in front of him.
“For you I’d bleed myself dry.” You smile at him, giving his hand one last squeeze.
“You told me you would follow the plan.” Bucky says his voice pitching up.
“You know I can’t follow the rules.” You give him a smirk.
“Goodbye Buck, I love you more than life.” You whisper out.
“You know I love you so...” Bucky replies he’s so upset all his senses are shutting down. You let out one last breath and your body goes limp in Bucky’s arms.
‘Cause you were all yellow...
The room lit up with a blinding yellow light.
You were gone.
The room is filled with cries and the screams from the former assassin.
He weeps against your chest. Cursing himself for letting this happen. No one hurts his doll.
“We gotta go Fury needs us back ASAP.” Natasha says with barely any emotion. She feels numb.
Bucky lets out a mad yell and starts punching the ground before those screams turn into more sobs.
Bucky gathers himself as best as possible and picks your limp body up.
It’s time to go.
-
It’s been three months since your funeral.
Bucky can’t get over you.
He barley can eat, barley showers, he can’t even get out of bed. The only time he gets out of bed is when he goes down to the shooting range and gets his anger out. Otherwise, he’s a stone.
“Hey Buck do you want to try to come eat dinner with the team?” Steve asks Bucky with a soft voice.
“Not hungry.” Bucky replies covering himself back up.
Steve let’s out a sigh and sits on the end of Bucky’s bed.
“Can- can you please leave?” Bucky asks Steve. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone and he’s surprised because no one has really tried to talk to him either.
“You got to come downstairs and eat dinner.” Steve says, this time more sternly.
“I said, I’m not hungry.” Buck grumbles and covers his head with a pillow.
“Okay you made me do this.” Steve stands up and clears his throat.
“Y/n, sacrificed herself for you to live.” Bucky cut Steve off.
“Don’t- don’t say her name.” Bucky voice starts to crack and his eyes glaze over.
“No, Bucky. You’ve been in your room for almost 4 months straight. You’re not even trying to get over it. You’re not letting yourself feel those emotions and you need to or you’ll never get over her. She did that so you could live a happy life.” Steve pauses and Bucky lifts his head up and wipes his tears away.
“Come downstairs and eat dinner with us. She would of wanted it.” Bucky stands up and sighs.
“Okay.”
They both walk downstairs and when they see Bucky they all smile and tell him to come sit down and eat.
They all talk and have a good time.
Bucky actually smiles for the first time since you died.
He can get through this.
Alternate shoot ending if that was to sad
Bucky shot up in a sweat, tears running down his face. His breaths are quick and unsteady.
“Shh Bucky come here.” You say from beside him.
It wasn’t uncommon for Bucky to have nightmares so you know what to do.
“Y/n?” Bucky questions, his eyes wide.
“Yeah bub I’m right here.” You wrap an arm around him and rub his non-metal shoulder.
“I had a dream you died.”
215 notes · View notes
halinski · 3 years
Text
I have a lot of feelings about Buck, like don't even ask, I will never be able to put it into words or anything other than abstract feelings in this world
I just know this, Eddie loves Buck and Buck is ace and Taylor is a relapse ✌️
"You've been shutting me out."
It's ironic, Eddie thinks, that these exact words come now 20 minutes after the black out, which felt like maybe the world had shut down. They were stuck mid rescue in an elevator and well, the world had been such a whirlwind since he'd been shot, and this emergency and that- but now it had stopped. And they'd succumbed to their fate, sat down on the dingy elevator floor, bathed in a red back up light, the building silent around them. Out there, somewhere, a siren rang, and Buck sighed.
It was deep and heavy, like he was Atlas lifting the world off his shoulders for a break, something like relief, like that first deep shuddering breath when your lungs finally recovered from a run. It was way too heavy for a young man, barely thirty, who was finding himself. Eddie knew that Buck had been fighting lately. Mostly himself, but also his parents and past, and pushing past the boundaries of life that had been set around him. Then there was the shooting and Buck had truly been nerve-wrecked, Eddie was far from blind, and hell, he'd been a little preoccupied with figuring himself out, and recovering, letting go and paving the way for a future with no regrets- but he'd seen Buck. It was harder to look away at this point.
But he had, because the world had been spinning and Buck had been putting enough pressure on himself, becoming an uncle, and taking care of Chris with full abandon, and therapy and... Taylor. Eddie hadn't wanted to push too hard.
Now that they were here though, just the two of them...
Buck's looking at him, that irritated lost puppy stare, vulnerable and defiant all at once, like Eddie was the first to venture into certain spaces that made up Evan Buckley. It was a deliberant choice, at this point. Back in the beginning, he'd just reached out a hand and had been surprised to find an anchor to the world he'd never knew existed, and now he ventured further deliberately.
It hadn't been a question, and even so Buck looked ready to fight him, a last defensive wall, before he caved and those murky blue eyes dropped away. Full submission.
Eddie waited, opening up the room and hoping for his partner in crime and rescue to fill it and yet... Buck only shrugged weakly.
"Things have been..." He started half-heartedly, losing motivation half-way through and concluding with a disheartened, "busy." Eddie watched him busy himself with the callouses on his palm, picking and rubbing, as if he could erase the last few weeks of running himself ragged.
There had definitely been a lot less mentions of calls to Dr. Copeland lately, a lot of unfocused Buck, who was making himself smaller, less noticeable and quieter. Not that he was actually quiet, Eddie knew Buck could fill the building with vibrance for the benefit of everyone around within the blink of an eye. But his true emotions dwindled, where they'd slipped out before in shadows of an action, or an obvious plea hidden in drowning eyes - now he was more... Calculated.
And even now, Buck lifted his head again under Eddie's scrutiny in square-jawed surrender as if that was that to this conversation, there was nothing more to be done.
Eddie was not convinced. They'd gotten way too far, the two of them, to slip back down to the trenches in this mud slide. Eddie had found solid footing in his own world, and he was unafraid right here, under private eyes with the one person in the world he trusted most. Solid enough that he could stare right back at the nervous energy Buck was holding back and dare it.
What are you so afraid?
A question he had asked himself many sleepless nights, especially after Carla's little "follow your heart" speech, after he'd laid in bed, heart racing, hearing shots and all he wanted had been to-
All he'd wanted was safety, and he could've kept lying to himself, could've deliriously shouted at the universe that he didn't know where he could ever feel safe again, and yet his own body and heart had long gone betrayed him that day in the hospital just before he'd walked out, explicitly stating that he had signed his heart off to Buck a year ago. He couldn't even call it betrayal, because there wasn't a single cell in his body that doubted his decision, that doubted Buck. He just doubted... Himself.
And maybe that he'd be enough for Buck right now, still. He was so far from his best self, and yet better and more stable than he'd ever been. So he sat and he stared back, arms resting easily in his lap, and challenged.
"Why do you keep going back to her?"
Goddammit, Eddie, way to sound like the most jealous jerk in the world.
Buck winced, eyebrows seeming to ask 'really?' and 'what do you mean?' all at the same time and then shrugging again.
"Taylor?" He asked simply, biding time probably.
"Yeah," Eddie assured, the hum of the emergency light their only company as he waited for Buck to reply.
"She's the only one who really wants me," he said, but the tone of his voice wasn't right. Unconvinced. The admission to easily offered to ring true.
Eddie can't stop the snort of disbelief from escaping him. From all that he's heard about the rust-haired reporter... He couldn't imagine what Buck saw in her. He'd seen the effect of her words on him, saw Buck fall in line behind her with a bowed head, saw how the hurt now flared in Buck's face at his open faced challenge to that statement.
A part of Eddie wanted to grab Buck by the face and scream at him, can't you see?!
You're wanted whole-heartedly by me.
But Buck wasn't his to love yet, not really.
"Look, I don't know what you see on the outside but... She wants me. She chose me and I- what more could I ask for, you know? I'm... I'm working on it. On myself. And for now- this is it," Buck said, rattling it down like he was trying to work it into a checklist.
Eddie just wanted to know what 'it' was supposed to mean. But he nodded, because in a way it did make sense. The same way Ana had made sense, even though she absolutely didn't and he was glad that was over and he could laugh over that foolish affair now.
People had questioned his change of heart when he broke up with her during recovery, but when they'd realized he truly wasn't heartbroken and backsliding, they had taken it in full stride. A little misstep, no great scars taken (well except for the new bullet hole in his shoulder but that didn't really have anything to do with Ana, it just happened to be a part of the same journey heading toward a joined destination) and here they were at a pit stop.
The silence simmered between them, just somewhere right before the cliff, staggering before the precipice toward their comfort zone. It had always taken a little leap from both sides to get them to where they were today. Buck usually happens to fall into his without thinking much, just because he was ready to throw himself in dangers way or alternatively, rushing in out of sense of duty, and making it seem so, so very easy. The way he had walked into Eddie's house and kitchen, stepped right into his space and said: 'i'm here and I'm owning my mistakes because you're worth it' or something of the sort. All Eddie remembered was the care and the genuine emotion he'd felt and... The realization that he'd finally found home.
"It just feels like... You smile less when it comes to her." Eddie still did't really want to say her name. He wasn't about to go out blaming Taylor for all the times Buck was sad- it was just an observation. It took a lot to get Buck to giving up his smile. He hated that Taylor accepted a watered down version of him; bright, bold, and boasting Buck.
"Do I?" Buck asked, a furrowed crease appearing between his eyebrows, truly confused.
Eddie nodded.
"Relationships are always a compromise," Buck offered with a half-hearted twitch of his shoulder. "You know me. We're both pretty stubborn. We butt heads."
Buck flicked his wrist for a useless gaze at his watch. It made them none the wiser about the state of their rescue.
"Yeah, I know you," Eddie retorted gently. "Though, you do tend to have a point."
He could come up with a million examples. Eager, always ready to show up and make it work, Buck. How many times had he burrowed himself into Eddie's skin already with truths that stuck like thorns until Eddie accepted them into his bones.
All he wanted was to return the favor
The man granted him a small, crooked smile. It was crazy how much so little could mean to one person. Desperate, wounded, isolated Buck.
How Eddie wanted to tell him explicitly 'dont do what I did, kid, don't fall back into and habits at first chance just because you don't think you're worth anything else'- there were reasons why it didn't work in the first place. He'd learned the exact same lesson with Shannon. And God, the way Eddie had dragged Buck with him back then, for safety, as he had ranted to him and searched for the answers, only to make the same damn mistake.
That wasn't his life.
And Taylor wasn't Buck's. And Eddie knew this.
Knew from what Buck had told about her the first time she had been around, and from all that Eddie had heard about Buck's relationship to sex. It had turned into a joke at the station, oh, Buck and his self-diagnosed sex addiction, but Eddie recognized that worried little steeple on Bobby's forehead when he reminded everyone that that one therapist wasn't licensed to work for them anymore. But it went way deeper, didn't it?
Eddie knew about self-destructive behaviors. Not intimately. But he'd learned a lot about PTSD lately and adjacent behaviors. Buck and sex was a self-destructive bomb if he'd ever seen one.
And it was no coincidence that Taylor and Buck's relationship centered around physical intimacy.
Buck showed up where he was wanted or needed. They all knew that.
"Just... Make sure you get what you want too," Eddie said. "Put yourself first."
Cue the bewildered, insecure facial expression. Now and then Eddie wished he could hide Buck from the world. Shield him. For now all he could do was stand by.
"Because you'll always be wanted. Make sure the reasons are right for you. It has to be good for you."
And Eddie wouldn't be leaning so far out the window if Buck were to look him in the eyes and say 'nah it's not like that' but all he did was get quiet. Eddie couldn't leave him sitting like that, rearranging himself to stretch his legs out before they fell asleep and casually leaning his shoulder against Buck's.
"You're a good guy, Buck. You deserve only the best.
If you wanted Buck to hear you sometimes you had to get straight to the point.
Maybe one day Eddie could conquer his fear and say what he really wanted to say.
When they were both ready.
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captainimprobable · 2 years
Text
Part 4 of That Thing I’ve Been Writing.  This one is VERY MUCH a first draft.  Like, I know I’ve been saying that a lot, but this shit needs EDITING.  I just have no self control and I wanted to share a little of what I’m working on. I hope you like the sneak peek! Part 1  Part 2  Part 3  ~~
They turn fifteen.
 Many things have changed in the few months they’ve been together. It’s easier now, somehow, in a way it wasn’t at the beginning.  
They don’t blush as much anymore, and they hold hands readily and easily.  They kiss each other’s cheeks before they leave a room.  Luz is overwhelmingly, uncontrollably happy.
However. Luz has noticed something, lately.  Something that perplexes and confuses her.
Here’s the deal: Luz really wants to kiss her girlfriend.
It takes her days of getting distracted by Amity’s lips to come to this realization, and when she does, she’s sort of embarrassed.  She knows she has no reason to be.  This is her girlfriend, and girlfriends kiss, right? That’s normal!
But she’s never actually kissed anyone before, and this is Amity, and it’s been months of dating now and how in the world is she supposed to go about this? Does she ask? Does she just lean in? Does she send her a letter that says “Will you kiss me? Check y/n boxes below”?????
She agonizes over this for days, barely paying attention to the planning for their joint birthday party. 
She still hasn’t decided what to do when, before she knows it, it’s time for the party.   Edric and Emira show up with a tub of apple blood, hiding it behind their backs until they realize that Eda has not only already supplied the party with enough to knock out a slitherbeast, but also pregamed so much herself that she is well and truly gone.
The twins give each other a sly grin, leave Eda knocked out on the couch, and run inside.  Before Luz knows what’s happening, Emira is picking her up while Edric grabs Amity and gives her a noogie.  “Happy birthday baby sisters,” Emira croons, while the girls struggle to get free.  “Yeah,” Edric says, messing up Amity’s hair.  “Thanks for being born in the same month so we don’t have to go to two parties.”
Luz laughs, a little embarrassed at being called the twins’ baby sister.  “Thanks, guys,” she says, breaking free of Emira’s hold.  She manages to rescue Amity from Edric’s arms, and the two of them sprint away before they can be grabbed again, the twins’ laughter following them all the way to the door.   
“Sorry about that,” Amity says, rolling her eyes.  “You know how they are.” 
“Uh huh,” Luz gulps, distracted by the way Amity’s hair is curling a little over her ears.  “I know how it is.”
Luckily, Willow and Gus choose that moment to walk inside, and Luz has an ample distraction.  “My friends!” She yells, draping her arms around their necks.  “Welcome!  Also!”  She lowers her voice.  “Did you know that I love you?” 
Willow laughs.   “We know that, Luz.  Wanna know a secret?” She winks.  “We love you, too.”  
“Happy birthday,”  Gus adds, hugging Luz, and then Amity.  “You’re super old now.”
“I know!” Luz says.  “I’m finally at the age that Taylor Swift always prophesied about!” 
Gus nods wisely.  “I know about Taylor Swift.  She’s a powerful warlock from your realm, is she not?”
“She is,” Luz agrees.  
“Happy birthday, Amity.”  Willow hesitates, and then opens her arms.  Amity’s face breaks into a huge smile as she accepts Willow’s hug.  “Thanks,” she says.  “I’m glad you’re here.” 
“Me too.”
Luz is trying not to get emotional, but having so much love surrounding her is making her want to cry.  Plus, seeing Willow and Amity get along so well makes her feel warm and fuzzy inside.
“Are you okay?” Amity whispers in her ear, and Luz jumps.  “Y-yeah, I’m totally fine,” she says, trying to keep her stuttering to a minimum.
“Are you sure? You’ve been acting a little weird for awhile now, and you kind of look like you want to cry.”
Ah, man.  Amity wasn’t supposed to notice that she’s been acting differently.  But at least this question she has an answer for.  “I’m just really happy,” she says truthfully, and Amity smiles.  “Me too,” she says.  “Happy birthday, Luz.”
As Amity walks away to talk to Willow, Luz tries not to stare after her.
She fails.
Amity looks like a goddess tonight.  She always looks good, okay, but something about tonight, under the glow of the fairy lights, surrounded by her friends and family, makes her shine undeniable.  Luz cannot comprehend how everyone isn’t staring at Amity right now.  
She wants to kiss her, right now, in front of everyone, but she feels like Amity might not appreciate that, and besides, Viney is walking in right now and for some reason Emira just spilled her drink all over the floor, and there are more important things to focus on, right?
(What could be more important than kissing Amity?)
She shakes her head.  Not now, Luz.  Not now.
Maybe tonight just isn’t the night, either.
She sighs, but then shakes herself out of it.  This is a party, and she’s going to enjoy it.
~
She doesn’t get to hang out with Amity much that night.  
Her friends all want her attention, and there’s a worrying moment where Eda starts growing some feathers on her arms, but the crisis is averted quickly.  She and King haul Eda safely into her nest, and Luz returns to the party, determined to at least hold Amity’s hand.
But Willow and Gus have started a dance off against Jerbo and Barkus, and there’s no way Luz is going to miss being a part of that.  She sneaks a peek at Amity, who is standing off to the side with her drink, looking content.  They lock eyes for a second and Luz’s breath is taken away. 
This is ridiculous. 
They’ve been dating for months.  This should not still be happening.
But, god, Amity is just so cool, resting an arm nonchalantly on the table, and Luz wants to run over there and-
“Luz, it’s your turn!!!!!” Gus screams in her ear, and the moment is gone again.  
It’s already midnight when she feels a tap on her shoulder.  “Amity!” she yells, and tackles her girlfriend into a hug.  “I haven’t seen you all night!” 
“Woah,” Amity says, trying not to fall over.  “I know, that’s why I’m here.  Could I borrow you for a second? 
Luz’s stomach flips itself over for absolutely no reason.  
“Uh, sure, yeah, what’s up?”
“I just wanna show you something.”
Amity grabs her hand and leads her up the stairs, passing door after door until they reach the one that leads to the roof.
“Why are we-”
“Shhh,” Amity says.  “Just come on!”
Amity doesn’t let go of her hand when they reach the roof.  “Close your eyes,” she instructs.
“Um, Amity,” Luz says.  “We’re like, a lot of feet off the ground.”
“Trust me,” Amity insists, and god help her but Luz does, so she complies.  Amity’s palm is warm in hers as she tugs her over a few feet until finally, she says “open them”.
“What are we-”  Luz falters.  Because there, on the roof, is an honest to god picnic.  Somehow Amity has hauled up a blanket and a basket, and it’s just so cute and cliche that Luz can’t stop the smile taking over her face.
“I figured we wouldn’t have time to talk tonight,” Amity says.  “And...well...I missed you, so-”  she gestures to the picnic.
“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Luz says, sitting down on one side of the basket.  “I kept wanting to talk to you all night, but there was always something happening!”
“You’re popular,” Amity says simply, and Luz starts laughing before she realizes Amity is being totally serious.  
“Anyway,” Amity says.  “I made you something.”
Luz is really, really hoping it’s not a fairy pie, but instead, Amity pulls out a messy chocolate cupcake.  “Happy birthday,” she says, and Luz practically swoons.  
They share the cupcake, digging into it with messy hands and taking turns pointing out different stars.
“In my world, constellations are symbols for things,” Luz says.
“They are here, too!  For example, that’s the giraffe constellation.  It symbolizes death and destruction.  And that over there is the Titan constellation. It also symbolizes death and destruction!”
“Romantic,” Luz jokes.  
“I know, right?” Amity responds, sounding completely serious.  Luz has to stifle the urge to laugh.  She sneaks a peek at Amity and, oh, wow.  Her face is glowing in the moonlight.  She looks bright and bubbly and all the things she really is when her guard isn’t up.  Her eyes are shining and Luz could swear she’s never seen anything more beautiful in her fifteen years of life.
She needs to do this now.  There’s no better time, and even if there was, she simply can’t stop herself.  The words just fall from her mouth like leaves from a tree, but a lot more quickly and nervously.  
“Can I kiss you?” 
Amity stops mid-sentence, mouth still hanging open and finger pointing at the sky.  She blinks.  “What did you say?”
“I-”  Luz is losing her nerve really quickly, but before it’s gone completely she gathers up the rest of her courage and says “I really want to kiss you.  Can I?”
“You...you want to kiss me?”  Amity’s voice is full of wonder and her face is bright red. 
“Wait, why do you sound surprised? You’re my girlfriend, of course I want to kiss you!” Luz scrambles onto her knees and searches Amity’s face.
“It’s just...it’s been so long, and it never happened, so I kind of thought maybe you didn’t want to or you were uncomfortable or whatever, which would be totally fine, by the way-”
“Oh my gosh we’re both so stupid,” Luz smacks a hand to her face.  “I never kissed you because I thought you didn’t want to kiss me!”
“How could I not want to kiss you! Have you seen yourself????”
Amity’s hands are covering her eyes.  She’s clearly embarrassed at having admitted that.
Luz takes a deep breath and gently pries Amity’s hands away from her face.  Amity’s eyes instantly find Luz’s, and there’s a determination there that wasn’t there before.  They both feel it, this thing happening between them, different from what they’ve been feeling for the past few months.  It feels like every moment of their relationship has been leading up to this moment.  
“Can I-”  Luz starts, but is interrupted by Amity’s very enthusiastic “Yes!!!!”
Luz bites her lip, takes a deep breath, and leans in.
She closes her eyes.
The kiss feels a little like the first time she did magic, but light glyphs have nothing on this.  The butterflies in her stomach have migrated to her chest, and they’re fluttering hard enough to rival her heartbeat.  
She can’t believe this is happening.  
Their noses bump together uncomfortably, but she doesn’t care, she doesn’t care, because this is her first kiss and it’s with Amity and she’s flying flying flying.
They pull apart, but not too far.  
“Wow,” Amity whispers, and Luz nods.  “Yeah,” she says.  “Wow.”
“How have we not been doing that the whole time?”
“I don’t know,” Luz says. “But I’m more than happy to make up for lost time.” 
She leans in again.
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