#everyone ive asked says they're gross and i dont get it

[ars0nism]

okay, final post on this. my thing with terfs isnt the terfs. im 18, ive been through a lot, i can handle a couple of terfs on my page. what bothers me is the young people, especially young girls & transmascs, that fall into the terf rabbithole on accident.

SO.

heres my quick & easy guide on how i personally check for terfs. PLEASE check for these signs. to protect yourself. ofc not all things immediately mean terf, but this is my personal checklist

rad and or fem in the url (IMMEDIATE red flag)

labrys lesbian flag (somewhat of a red flag, could be innocent young lesbian roped into it. if theyre an adult its a red flag)

if you click on the search icon it will show a bunch of commonly used tags. look at the tags. common tags wpuld be radfem, radical feminism, terfism, gender critical etc

look at where they reblog from. who theyre following if its public. what posts they like if thats public. look at the bios of these. if the terf doesnt have a bio and is trying to be stealthy, oftentimes the people they agree with are open about it. block both while youre at it

queer slur discourse (also done outside of terf circles but far more common among terfs, especially coupled with the "not queer, im lesbian" stuff (though thats understandable and not inherently terfy) and in combination with other red flags)

exclusionism (not inherently terfy but still a good point to look out for)

fixation on wombs and vulvas (immediate red flag no one but terfs is that obsessed with their reproductive organs)

the "LGB" community, or even the "remove the L" because they dont want to associate with gay & bi people

really big hatred of the concept of "genital preference". sexuality is only about genitals to them.

intense man hatred. they hate men so much. (also not an immediate red flag because yeah some of it is warranted but you can tell the difference between joking about trauma/standing up against the patriarchy and straight up... being a terf)

the term "ssa". stands for same sex attraction. (pretty big one i think. i personally have only heard it from terfs.)

febfem. bisexuals who only date women. (also one i didnt know about until like half an hour ago. also a big one)

this is one specific to the current time and might be obsolete soon but if theyre vocal amber heard supporters. those are ALL terfs.

terfs are also often swerfs. hating on sex workers (not the system, the system is fucked and we should recognize it) is terfy !

they like to refer to us (trans people) as a cult. which, to be honest, after this experience, im more likely to call them a cult. (if a terf disagrees with you, get ready for closing anon & gross bullshit in your notes. we have mutual circles, they have them too)

and of course green flags for trans people & trans allies, if they have these the odds of it being a terf are. a lot smaller

pronouns in bio

some variation of lgbtq+

following trans blogs

inclusive

mature fucking human being

and if you're in doubt whether or not its a terf, its better to block an innocent person than to interact with a terf, id say. odds are the innocent person doesnt care.

BUT!

let's say you said something they didn't like and now your post is circling in their shitty little group chat. what then? my suggestion would be to

CLOSE ANON ASKS. once their cult has found your page and realizes you post about trans things, or worse, are trans, they will harass you. anon gives a lot of confidence to send death threats. dont let them.

Block all of them. No, it's not gonna stop new ones from harassing you in their place, but it does make for a pretty nice blocklist.

If you need to, don't hesitate to step away from tumblr for a while. Not everyone can handle harassment, and it's okay to step away if it's too much.

Remember you're worth so much more than any of these terfs. Remember being trans is something to be proud of, remember you are loved, and most importantly, remember they're just terfs on the internet. laugh at them. make fun of them. they may say shitty things, but they can't actually hurt you. (anything that can hurt you, like doxxing, is illegal. get law enforcement if possible if you think you're in actual physical danger)

Best of all is to ignore it. Don't keep talking about it ("take your own advice" im working on it). it's not fun to harass someone who just ignores you.

If you really can't cope, it's okay to close your blog. You don't have to stay. Make a new blog. Only tell your mutuals.

(also, side note, i have a blocklist filled with terfs. i am absolutely down to share this blocklist with you, if you want somewhere to get started)

#feel free to add onto the checklist tbh if you have any other good things #i focus mostly on easy to notice flags #with my checklist usually i catch a terf within five to ten minutes #the amber point. i dont care about the case. but everyone ive seend efending her turned out to be a terf. SO #long post

[ablednt]

im not disagreeing with ur gifted kid post, but the way some of ur stuff is phrased can come off in ways u might not have intended. boiling those sorts of unrealistic expectations of very young kids down to "being complimented too much" ignores that a lot of these kids were unfairly placed in these programs and forced to complete them regardless of how much they struggled with it (and that these kids were in prime environments for developing npd due to overinflated ego from a young age). many gifted kids were given extremely unreasonable expectations and only barely managed to meet them in order to avoid facing punishment for failing. im not saying there ARENT gifted kids who dont treat it like "oh i was so special and now im not boohoo :( i need special treatment for it" but i feel like theres some aspects thats have been unintentionally misunderstood (/nm /nonagg!!! ^^ just wanted to bring this up as more of a discussion than an argument, hope ive made sense!)

No I definitely agree but my point is that I've never seen a genuine discussion from these people about this and I'm sure they exist to some capacity but that's Very Clearly not what the community was formed around nor where the term originated. People don't complain that they had expectations on them they just make stupid tiktoks like "teachers seeing a neurodivergent person: omg you're so smart you're my favorite student!!!" and then act like that's 1. universal and not just for palatable NDs and 2. that being complimented by their teachers was the problem and not everything else

I think it's also important to note that the expectations really weren't worse for gifted kids, it's just that gifted kids got closer to reaching those expectations and felt they actually had a chance whereas everyone else was punished automatically for not coming close. The issue is not specific to any one class or type of class it's a widespread issue with academia as a whole.

I genuinely don't think that gifted kids had it any easier than anyone else but I don't think that they had it harder either. Recently someone while venting told me, "I think school is stealing my family from me" because of the extreme expectations put on them and they're definitely not in any kind of gifted kid program, it's literally just as bad and extreme for all of us.

Like and I really don't think it's a coincidence that the times that I've criticized gifted kids and the times that I've challenged academia is when I've gotten some of my most blatantly ableist asks telling me to "just get over [my disability] and read some fucking books" and grasping at whatever straws they can to make me look "unintelligent" (like yeah I totally don't have trauma with academia I'm just mad because [checks notes] I play undertale sometimes and it made me incapable of coherent thought I guess/s)

The community is inherently classist and ableist and whilst they definitely do have trauma from academia it is not any different than the rest of ours, them separating it as some different and unique trauma just because they did better than us so obviously we just Wouldn't Understand their Huge Brains is just so frustrating and gross and I just really wish people would realize that rather than using this as a crutch not to work on their internalized ableism like yeah take trauma processing at your own pace but that doesn't mean you get to make it everyone else's problem.

Also a lot of people are gonna hate this comparison but I frankly don't see a single difference in gifted kids making up terms to say that their experiences are somehow more severe or even all that different to ours cause they're just Built Different and empaths taking widespread issues that affect everyone and acting like they're just sensitive special little souls and we could never comprehend their pain when really it's the same shit like depression, anxiety, etc. that we all live with on a daily basis.

#I do agree with you though that there IS an actual issue #I know that a lot of gifted kids have trauma being treated like spoiled and bratty when they expressed genuine hurt #and I definitely don't share that sentiment it's just that they're going about everything in an incredibly ableist manner #it's in my mind absolutely comparable to the way that ppl who think narc abuse is real weaponize their trauma against ppl with npd #like rather than actually challenging academia in any meaningful way they just spend their time lashing out at disabled and undereducated #people the fact that they do have real problems to worth through doesn't excuse that yk? #not saying that you were trying to make an excuse though it's reasonable to interpret what I said the way that you did

[jenovacomplete]

I mean like. Yeah u can hyperfixate on yuri but once uve read all the manga volumes like..its over....i mean ive had periods where i was hyperfixated on yuri in general but theres no like. Specific yuri series that lots of people make fancontent for that you can consume for months on end??? theres so much fanart for mdzs, and its specifically a danmei. and theres more than just fluffy romcoms....!!!!!!besides citrus..!!!!!!!! I have a manga on my desk rn called "killing me!" abt a vampire hunter and a vampire or "after hours" which is abt adults and one of them gets the other into DJing, and even series with "fluffy" romance can be a lot more nuanced than ud think and tbh i think its a lot healthier to have mostly fluffy stuff than mostly sexual content (gay teens deserve wish fulfillment stuff, also not saying mdzs is sexual i mean ? I dont know if it is? Just yaoi in general) but i agree the worship of """""" purity """"""" is gross but the difference is that its made mostly by wlw. Also i wasnt being accusatory, like i know ur gay, its just funny bc idk like. i feel like everyone got into chinese bl of a sudden and I dont rly get the appeal even tho theres more to it, its kind of like the three kingdoms (i assume theres like politics and battles ?) but magic and gay thats nice!!! That sounds sarcastic its not i swear. i cant watch series that have 50 min long eps but I'll take ur word for it that the untamed is good

hyperfixation has nothing to do with fandom and as someone who's hyperfixated on obscure shit for years at a time if there's no content you can make your own. like I completely get what you're saying but that's really not how that works

ofc there's more than fluffy romcoms -- however most wlw content tends to be of that type bc of the obsession w women being "pure" n shit like that. it's the same reason why most content of gay men tends to become hypersexualised -- it's just another manifestation of homophobia. that kind of content doesn't appeal to me, so when it comes to yuri I often have to look harder. I don't even like romance as a genre (generally hate it actually) which is why I've been going on about tgcf so much -- it's the first romance-centric media that's made me Get It

I get what you mean about how gay kids deserve better n I agree!! hypersexualisation fucking sucks and I wish we didn't have to grow up in a world where we're seen as commodities. however mdzs and tgcf are both what I'd consider 18+ books and any adaptations remove most sexual elements. I really don't think you should pass judgement on them without knowing anything about them. that's not a case of "uh you haven't consumed it so how can you judge!!" but instead hey maybe you could like, ask me what they're about... do a basic bit of googling... also BL isn't yaoi. BL and GL stand for boy's love and girl's love respectively and there's nothing inherently sexual about either of them. I get the feeling you've gotten confused on some terminology

honestly no idea where you're getting "everyone is into danmei now" from bc the group of people I know who're into it are VERY small lmao your social circle is not the entire internet. it's okay to feel confused by the changing tides of fandom and it's okay to feel left out but it's really not anything deep mate. it's okay to not be interested in something other people like, you don't have to justify it. although your concerns about the sexualisation of LGBT people are a legitimate discussion and I'm interested in having it within this context it's just not working bc (as you've admitted) you don't even know the media you're using as a springboard. what I'm hyperfixating on is none of your business and it's not something you should feel comfortable going on anon and basically telling me I should feel cringe for, holy shit. your argument is lost bc you are approaching this as if you have any right to the media I consume! I'm sorry if this sounds mean but I just woke up and I'm really tired and stressed and you're projecting ideas onto me that I have no way to deal w because They Have Nothing To Do With Me

#asks #anon #have a nice day ig #i dont even know what three kingdoms IS #speaking!