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#every one of these looks different im so sorry
auras-moonstone · 1 day
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hiii i rlly love ur writing so if u cld write this i’d actually pass out ‼️
u can pick urself if it’ll be jack, Ethan, hockey player Ethan or even smth else! But what im thinking abt is like where he breaks up with reader because hes convinced he lost his feelings towards her but later on realized he didnt?? Hope u have a good day 🙁
⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ all you had to do was stay
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ᡣ𐭩 word count: 1.4K
ᡣ𐭩 pairing: hockey player!ethan landry x fem!reader
ᡣ𐭩 summary: convinced his feelings are gone, ethan breaks up with y/n. when he wins the championship, he realizes he made a mistake.
ᡣ𐭩 contents/warnings: heartbreak. angst. make-up. fluff.
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ethan truly thought his feelings for y/n had washed away. but it’s wasn’t until now, looking around the arena for her, having just won the hockey championship, that he realized that maybe he had rushed into conclusions and fucked everything up.
the team went to a bar to celebrate, and while his teammates drank and danced, ethan moped by the bar with a drink in his hand, replaying in his head, like a sad movie scene, the moment he ended things with y/n.
why had he been so stupid? he had set in his mind the idea that hockey should be above everything and anyone else, that it was the only thing that mattered. and not only he had managed to slowly tear the most important bond in his life, but he had also fooled himself into thinking the feelings weren’t there anymore.
“hey, man. i’m going home, tara’s waiting for me. talk to you later?” chad asked.
ethan forced a smile and nodded. “yeah, go. i’m leaving in a few, too.”
chad walked out of the bar, and ethan’s heart reached another level of heaviness. his best friend was going home to celebrate with his girlfriend, he had managed to maintain his relationship while having the exact same responsibilities than ethan. the difference? chad had never failed to find balance and see how important life outside hockey was. ethan hadn’t, and now that hockey was over for a while, he realized he had nothing left.
with an emptiness no amount of drinks could ever fill, he walked back to the dorms, where some people were still on cloud nine from the win. he was congratulated, patted in the back, yet he could not enjoy his win completely. not when the guiltiness and regret lingered heavily over him. was it too late to try get back on track the relationship he had drove off the road?
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the celebration was certainly overwhelming for y/n because everything reminded her of ethan and the way he had locked her out when she was letting him in. hell, she was ready to say the l-word when he pushed her aside. the way he had broken her heart was one she remembered all too well, every word, every expression, every little movement.
ethan hovered over her, standing as she sat on the couch. frown on his face, pained expression, as if the act of letting out the words physically hurt him. “i don’t think i- i’m not sure if i… still have feelings for you. i don’t know, i just, it’s not the same as it was a months ago. it’s as if something is missing.”
“did it cross your mind that maybe the problem is that you put hockey first?”
“y/n that’s my future. of course i’m going to put hockey first.”
“sorry, let me rephrase that. did it cross your mind that maybe the problem is that hockey is all you care about? because it’s always about that. you have stopped having time for me since you became captain. do you even remember the last time you stayed over? that we went on a date? that we spend time together without you worrying over the championship or some other fucking match?”
“y/n…” he sighed.
“well, i can remember. three months, that was the last time you acted like a boyfriend. something was indeed missing in this relationship. you.”
“hockey is everything to me, y/n/n.”
“yes, and that’s the fucking problem, ethan. your whole life can’t revolve sorely on a sport. but you clearly can’t see that, so this is useless.”
that was the last time she spoke to him, but not the last she had seen him. it was impossible not to do that, he was blackmore’s hockey star, he was fucking everywhere. she, on the other hand, managed to hide in the shadows, so she made sure she stayed hidden and not bump into him. until now.
she was leaving tara’s dorm when her eyes caught his wide frame. her feet became one with the floor, not allowing her to move. like magnet, his attention quickly fell on her.
“y/n” her name fell out of his mouth absentmindedly.
at the sound of his rough voice, she snapped out of her daze. her lips parted, but she didn’t know what to say. and then his feet kept going until he was standing right before her. was it too much to ask to disappear?
“hi.” he said after a couple of seconds of silence.
“hi.” her soft voice warmed his heart, and he had to put his hands in his pockets to stop himself from bringing her into his arms. “um… congratulations. on the win.”
“thanks.” for the first time in the night, he truly felt like smiling.
“shouldn’t you be celebrating?” why was she still talking to him? her brain screamed ‘get out of here’ while her heart told her to stay.
“i wasn’t feeling it.” ethan shrugged.
y/n frowned. “you… weren’t feeling it? ethan, what are you talking about? you’ve worked so hard for this win.”
ethan let out a humourless laugh. “the funny thing is… it wasn’t until i lifted the cup that i realize that i wasn’t happy with the win.”
the girl blinked, trying to make sense of what he was saying. ethan landry, the boy who lived for hockey, was saying he wasn’t happy with winning a championship. what was wrong with the world? “i don’t understand.”
“what is succeeding if you don’t have anyone to celebrate it with? that trophy was a reminder of what i pushed away in order to get it. it made me feel miserable.”
“ethan…”
his sad gaze found hers. “what i’m trying to say is that i miss you, and that the win means nothing if you’re not with me. i looked around the stands, you weren’t there and it felt like a punch to the gut.”
she was certainly not ready to hear that. “let me remind you it was what you wanted, you ended it, ethan. you put hockey first, and it got us here.” maybe she was being a bit harsh, especially after he was pouring his heart out.
“i know. fuck. don’t i know it.” he was not going to cry. if y/n somehow managed to find it in her to forgive him, it was not going to be out of pity. but he wanted to sob so badly. “i’m sorry. i’m so sorry. i was so fucking blind, and i hurt you.”
hurt was an understatement. ethan had absolutely broke her, and she had been trying to pick up the pieces of the mess he had made.
“i want to punch myself for everything i’ve done. for taking this long to realize i made a huge mistake. i don’t want for my life to revolve around hockey.”
y/n nodded. “that’s a good realization.”
“i don’t know what to say. there’s no justification for what i did, i was stupid and that’s the only truth. i… i want us back.” the anguish was written on his face. “i don’t know what to do to fix it.”
“all you had to do was stay… you had me in the palm of your hand. i would’ve done anything for you.”
“i know, you were too good for me. and i promise you i’ll work everyday to be the person you deserve, if you let me.” he put a strand of hair behind her ear. “i’m never making the same mistake again. i love you. you don’t have to decide now, take as long as you need. i’d wait forever.”
“you know it can’t be like before, right? you can’t keep this relationship in the lowest rank of your priorities.”
“i know, and i won’t. i love hockey, going professional is still my goal but now i know that my dream isn’t only hockey, is having you by my side while i play it.”
y/n slowly broke into a smile. “i would hate to see you succeed without me.” she grimaced as soon as the words clicked. “shit, that sounded so awful. i didn’t mean that i don’t want you to succeed unless you’re with me. that would be so bitchy, and i know you hurt me but i would neve-“
ethan couldn’t help himself, he cut her rambling with a soft kiss. “you’re the absolute cutest. i love it when you ramble.”
“it’s rude to interrupt someone, landry. you need to learn some manners.” she gave him a quick peck. “i guess i’m taking you back, or whatever.”
the hockey player smiled like a little kid and lifted her up on his arms. “i love you. did you know that?”
“i know it now. and i love you, too.” she wrapped her legs around his waist. “now, let’s go celebrate, captain.”
“fuck, yes. i have so many ideas.” the mischievous glint in his deep brown eyes made her stomach swirl.
“i’m down for anything if it’s with you.”
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lovesodakid · 2 days
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shut up and listen
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matt x fem!reader
summary: matt and y/n have had a certain rivalry for years. all the pent up sex frustration finally comes out one night at a party the triplets hosted.
warnings: smuttt…., drinking?, dom!matt (ish). don’t like, don’t read🤷‍♀️.
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influencers and random strangers fill the room as the sound of different songs thump and bounce off of the walls.
the triplets hit 6 million on youtube a couple of weeks ago, so naturally, they threw a party to celebrate. since they were in boston when they hit it, they waited until they returned to los angeles to throw it.
i’ve known the triplets since i moved to california around a year and a half ago. nick was the first one to notice me, he replied to one of my instagram stories one sunny friday afternoon, we immediately hit it off. once he heard i was moving to la, he practically begged me to come over sometime to meet his brothers, so after finally getting comfortable in my new apartment in the hectic city, i met them for brunch.
just as expected, nick and i instantly connected. we took up most of the conversations that happened that day. i hit it off pretty well with chris. we have a few of the same interests which allowed us to get along extremely well. matt on the other hand, didn’t speak to me at all. instead, he just glared at me the whole time. if looks could kill, you might as well have buried me feet under right then and there.
after that, the more i got comfortable enough with nick and chris the triplets, the more i began to hang out with them. in the beginning, matt would just vocalize how much he hated my outfit, my shoes, or how my hair was done that day. i wouldn’t give him the time of day, as i’d usually just ignore him.
over time, it became irritating how much he’d talk down on me, so needless to say, i began fighting back. which quickly led to us bickering back and forth all the time as we’d throw rude words and comebacks to each other, in hopes of hurting the other one enough to get them to leave the other alone.
which is what’s happening at this very moment.
-
“god you are so annoying!” i yell as i push him away from me, making my way to the kitchen. i need a drink if im going to be dealing with mr. ‘negative all the time’.
“it’s not my fault you decided to show up in a small ass dress.” matt shouts back over the music, seemingly following closely behind me.
“why does it matter what i show up in? it’s my body. so im pretty sure i have a say-so in what i choose to wear.” i shoot back as i grab a bottle of cheap vodka, pouring it into a plastic throwaway cup.
matt’s face scrunches up in disgust.
“you aren’t getting wasted at my party.”
“no, im getting wasted at your brothers party.” i correct him before patting his shoulder, making my way into the living room.
as i walk further into the living room, i notice nick and a couple of other influencers standing in a hurdle talking to one another. i cautiously make my way towards them in hopes i don’t interrupt on any conversations that may be going on.
“y/n! hey!” nick exclaims excitedly, ushering me over.
“hey!” i gleam back as i stand right beside him.
“are you having fun?” he asks, looking down at me.
“as much fun as i can with mr. ‘big mouth’ always having something to say.” i roll my eyes, obviously talking about matt. who else?
“yeah im sorry about him.” nick says as he gives me an apologetic smile.
i just shrug my shoulders in response as i take a sip of the alcoholic beverage in my cup.
i never really understood why matt didn’t like me. im convinced he’s hated me the second he laid his eyes on me. for what reason? i have no clue. i think he finds happiness in life from making my life miserable every second im around him.
-
as im freely dancing, enjoying the effects of the alcohol. i feel someone come up behind me.
“hey.”
i turn around to meet a cute guy, who looks kind of familiar, but i can’t really place it.
“hi.” i say back, giving him a soft, half lidded smile.
“i don’t think i’ve seen you before, what’s your name?” the blonde haired stranger asks.
“oh-im y/n,” i slur my words. “im friends with the triplets.”
“oh okay.” he nods, eyes scanning up and down my body. which almost immediately makes me regret wearing a dress that my ass hangs out of.
i push my lips into a thin line as i nod back, looking down at my hands as i fiddle with them.
“you wanna go somewhere more quiet? y’know to talk. i can barley hear anything in here.” he suggests, leaning down to hear my response.
it’s as if my body reacts before my brain can even process what the dude is saying before im already nodding and taking his hand for him to lead me to a “quieter place”.
he leads me towards the hallway. the hallway where matt’s bedroom, bathroom, and the laundry room is.
we stand outside the bathroom, my back pressed against the door as he stands in front of me.
“so where are you from?” he asks, putting one of his hands beside my head, leaning on it as he lowers his head.
“um…florida..” i answer, hesitantly.
“mhm..” he hums, moving his head closer to mine until his lips barely ghost over mine.
i clear my throat in hopes of sending him a message that im clearly not interested in making out in front of the bedroom of the person i despise the most. or just the fact im not interested in making out at all.
when i feel him backing up, i let out a sigh of relief until i notice he didn’t back up on his own, except with a little bit of help.
“hey there.” matt happily says. clear sarcasm coming from his mouth, as well as written all over the fake smile on his face.
“what’s up!” the blonde dude chirps back, clearly not noticing matt’s fake ass nice tone.
“not much man..you know,” matt glances at me before leaning over to whisper something in the dudes ear.
whatever matt told him, must’ve changed his mind about what he planned on doing for the rest of his life or some shit because the dude just mutters a quick “okay yeah” before practically sprinting back into the living room.
i furrow my eyebrows as i look at matt, who now stands directly in front of me.
“what the hell was that?” he shouts at me, pure anger written all over his face.
“what?” i ask in disbelief as i cross my arms.
“you were just going to fuck some dude while you’re drunk? at my house?” he spits, leaning down to my level. “not to mention right in front of my bedroom?”
needless to say, im shocked. completely and utterly shocked. because, why would mr. ‘i can’t stand you’ now suddenly care what i do?
“what the fuck do you mean?” i voice back. “i wasn’t going to fuck him! let alone fuck him here, and i’m not even that drunk matt.”
i notice a small wave of relief flashing across his face before it turns right back to anger.
“you’re drunk enough,” he begins. “who knows what would’ve happened if i wouldn’t have stepped in. oh wait, i do. you would’ve fucked him! then i would have to listen to you crying in the morning about how you screwed some dude you don’t even know.” he states in a matter-of-factly voice.
once again, i stare at him in disbelief.
“matt-no the fuck i wouldn’t-“ i try to say, before im completely cut off.
“oh my god y/n,” he starts. “won’t you just fucking shut up and listen (lol) for once!” he shouts angrily, his hand coming up to wrap around my throat.
if i wasn’t already fully pressed against the bathroom door, i am now.
“matt?” i squeak out, trying to ignore the pooling in my underwear.
“what?” he breathlessly chuckles, leaning closer to my face.
i don’t say anything, not that i even can. i just stare at him, complete confusion written on my face.
“got nothing to say now huh?” he speaks condescendingly, leaning his head down dangerously close to my throat.
for some reason, i don’t make any efforts to get him away from me. i don’t want to push him away for once in my life.
“hm?” he hums, his lips slightly grazing over the sweet spot right under my ear.
i clear my throat, in hopes of mustering up some way to speak before i feel his mouth harshly biting down on the spot.
“oh-fuck!” i slightly yell, more in surprise than anything as he continues sucking on my neck that’s going to more than likely leave a spot in the morning.
“mhmm.” he hums once again, sending vibrations through my throat.
he removes the hand around my neck to place it on my hip as he puts his other hand on the side of my face, moving his mouth to the base of my throat, planting kisses along the path.
“matt..” i whine breathlessly as he moves his kisses upwards.
they move up my throat. then up to my chin, then once they reach my mouth he stops. just hovering over them before he speaks.
“give me permission y/n.” he whispers.
i nod, almost to quick for my liking.
“words, i need words.” he whispers again, this time sounding a little more desperate as he stares into my eyes, moving his hand from the side of my face to under my chin, lifting it up.
those damn eyes.
“y-yes matt.” i barely get out before his lips are already on mine.
his lips are soft. insanely soft. his pace? not as much.
i can barley keep up with him as his lips move against mine in a rapid movement. both of his hands slide down my sides, wrapping around my back before moving down to gently to grab my ass, causing me to let out a quick gasp, in which he takes advantage of to quickly slip his tongue into my mouth.
he pulls me away from the bathroom door, walking me backwards towards his room. he opens the door and walks me in, kicking the door behind him, our lips not breaking contact once.
he continues backing me up until i feel the back of my legs hit his bed, in which he puts a hand on my chest, slightly pushing me back which causes me to collapse onto his bed. him wasting no time in crawling right on top of me.
“matt..” i whine, grabbing the back of his neck to pull him closer to me.
“what baby?” he coos. rubbing his hand on my face, pushing my hair off my forehead.
“i need you.” i speak softly, unable to ignore the continuous pulsing between my thighs.
which causes him to let a cocky grin spread across his face.
“i know.” he says, reconnecting our lips.
his hands run down my sides, before going lower, reaching the hem of my dress.
“god this dress..”, he huffs, looking down at it. “you look gorgeous baby, but i need it off.”
i quickly nod before he begins pushing it up further. once it’s scrunched up on my waist, my black laced thongs are on complete display for him.
he grins, running his hand down my lower abdomen, stopping right above panty line. which subconsciously makes me buck my hips upwards.
“hey hey..patient baby, okay?” he softly says, pushing me back down.
he continues pushing up my dress as i raise up slightly so he can push it over my head completely.
once its discarded somewhere on the floor of his bedroom, he leans up as he looks down at me. taking notice of my now matching black lace bra and thong.
“matt..” i whimper, needing something. anything.
“shh, let me look at you.” he runs his hands all over my body as he stares at me. like an animal does at its prey before completely demolishing it, eating it alive.
and with that he leans back down, placing his lips on my neck. he moves his lips down my throat, onto my collarbone. making a few pit stops to suck here and there, before moving down to one of my breasts, kissing the top of the exposed skin as the rest is covered by my bra. causing me to let out a breathless moan, arching my back into him.
it’s not covered for long though as he’s reaching behind me to unclasp my bra. once it’s off, he throws it somewhere behind him. focusing his attention back onto my breasts, admiring them.
“you’re perfect.” he whispers before leaning back down, taking my right nipple into his mouth.
“oh my- god matt!” i loudly moan at the sudden motion, reaching my hand up to entangle it into his hair.
he groans as he swirls his tongue around the bud. once he’s decided that’s enough for one side, he quickly moves to my left breast, showing it the same amount of affection.
he stays there for a second before lifting his mouth away from me to hover over me. locking eyes with me, he lowers back down, peppering kisses down the valley of my breast.
he makes his way down my stomach, painfully slowly. leaving soft kisses in his path. the further he gets down, he places his knees on the floor. as he reaches the top of my panties. he keeps his eyes on mine as he sticks his tongue out, licking across the top of my panty line, causing me to shudder and slightly buck my hips up once again. before he pushes them back down again.
“what’d i say about being patient baby?” he tuts before he leans back, getting a full view of my clothed pussy. he grins noticing a darker spot right in the middle of them. “so wet for me hm?”
he drags one finger over my covered folds. which causes me to let out small line of cuss words. he lets the most shit eating grin spread across his face before he’s hooking his fingers around the waistband of my panties. he slowly pulls them down my legs. once they’re fully off, he takes them in his fist throwing them, this time forward so they land on his nightstand.
“such a pretty pussy.” he muttered before swiftly putting his face in between my thighs.
he left a quick, sweet kiss on my clit, causing my body jump and a soft moan roll off my tongue. before his is swiping through my soaking folds.
he skillfully flicks his tongue against my clit in an up and down motion as his eyes are piercing into mine the whole time. in response, i throw my head back onto his comforter, allowing my back to arch as his name comes out of my mouth plenty enough times to make him groan into my pussy. sending vibrations, enhancing the pleasurable feelings.
i feel my climax building, fast, as my thighs squeeze around his head. my grip tightening on his hair.
“matt…im gonna-“ i try to warn him, before i feel him come completely off of me, backing away.
“not yet you’re not.” he says demandingly as he stands up.
i whimper from the loss of him. before he quickly begins to undress. taking off his shirt, then his pants, then finally, his boxers. his dick happily springs out. the tip completely reddened as it throbs impatiently. pre-cum slightly leaking from the hole.
i almost drool at the sight.
he climbs up me again, spreading my legs with his knee. i guess i had pushed them back together while he was getting himself undressed.
he leans back down, connecting his lips with mine.
our lips dance across one another’s before he slowly begins grinding down on me. his bare dick rubbing between my folds to collect my slick to use as lube.
“matt!” i moan again. his cock rubbing against my clit perfectly.
before he stops again, making me whine once again from the loss.
he reaches his arm out towards his nightstand, opening his drawer as he begins rummaging around for something.
both his hand and head drops in annoyance as he groans into the crook of my neck.
“i don’t have a condom.”
“it’s okay,” i smile. “im on the pill.” i inform him.
he springs up, the widest grin i’ve ever seen taking over his features.
“you have no clue how long ive wanted to do this baby.” he sweetly kisses my cheek.
he leans back, sitting straight up as he looks down at me.
“you ready baby?” he asks, rubbing my stomach in reassurance.
“yes matt.” i let him know.
he looks at me, analyzing my face for any signs that scream ‘i don’t want this’. once he doesn’t find any, he begins pushing his tip inside of me.
his jaw slacks, low moans falling out as he makes his way into me. my jaw mirroring his as my back lifts off the brown bedding.
once he bottoms out, he waits for my sign that he can begin moving. once i nod my head a few times, he’s pulling out, not fully as his tip stays in. he snaps his hips back into mine at a slow pace.
“mm-fuck! matt!” i moan loudly.
“fuck baby-so tight.” he grunts, his head falling back.
he keeps the slow steadily pace for a while. slick sounds and moans filling up the room. thank god there’s a party going on outside, or we’d definitely be caught.
“matt..go faster.” i whine, needing more.
almost in a second, his hips are snapping into mine at a harsh pace. his tip kissing that soft spongey spot causing my walls to pulse around him as lewd moans escape my mouth.
“you sound so fucking good baby.” he lets out in small breathes as he puts all of his weight on top of me, his mouth ghosting my ear.
“all for me, huh?” he asks, condescendingly as he manages to pick up his pace.
which only cause me to let out a loud shriek. he takes that as my response as he leans back up, eyes focused on watching himself slip in and out of me.
“matt! im gonna cum!” i squeal, warning him.
“come on, cum for me.” he groans, picking up his already rapid pace. lowering his hand between our bodies to rub circles on my clit.
almost on command, my walls begin contracting as i let go around his dick. pure euphoria coating my body as i hit my high.
he rides me through my orgasm as he inches towards his own.
“fuck-y/n-“ he begins as his hips sputter before he reaches his high, painting my insides white as i feel his warm liquid shoot inside me.
he collapses onto my chest. we lay there for a few seconds as we catch our breath, until he pulls out. both of us wince from the slight overstimulation.
“let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?” he whispers, leaving a sweet peck on my cheek.
as he gets up, he picks my hand up, leaving a small kiss on the back of it.
i just slept with the person i despise most.
or do i?
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a/n: first time writing smut so i apologize if it sucks ass 😃. this took way longer than i’d like to admit but i hope u like it. i heavily advise you to listen to the song ‘shut up and listen’ with this. it’s so fucking good.
for the ones that wanted to be tagged: @imwetforyourmom @tillies33ssss
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hoonloml · 20 hours
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PARTY ; LEE HEESEUNG
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hoonloml masterlist
pairing : roommate!heeseung x fem!reader
wordcount : 1521 words
warning : um touching her body a little 🤏🏻
chérie speaking : I'm lack of idea for the prince series actually, im this close 🤏🏻 to discontinued. But i still trying find idea. And here i am 😶
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You see Heeseung sitting alone on the sofa drinking in the living room. He looks lost in thoughts, you can hear music playing around you. You carefully sat next to him, your voice tender as you called him by his nickname, "Seung"
He looks up at you silently, his expression remains blank but you see some pain reflected in his eyes. He looks like he will cry but doesn't allow himself to do that. "Hm?"
"You didn't go to the party...?" you asked, a hint of surprise in your voice as you glanced at him. You remembered how desperately he had pleaded for you to come early, but you had to reject his invitation since you were busy with other tasks.
"no,"
He sips the drink and stares at the floor as he puts the glass down. He doesn't wanna look at you, seems like he is trying to avoid eye contact. A few seconds later he looks up at you still silent, he seems a little drunk. He puts the glass down again and turns his head to face the sofa. His lips curl into a bitter smile. "It's not like anybody noticed anyway, right?"
"I'm sorry, Heeseung," you apologized softly, regret lacing your words. "I'm very busy with my assignment."
"I heard that before."
He replies, his voice is cold and emotionless. You are not exactly used to this tone from Jay. Seems like you hurt him more than he showed.
"Look, it's not even a big deal about the party," you reasoned gently, trying to diffuse the tension. "Let's just focus on ensuring you're okay right now."
"I'm not just talking about the party! I'm talking about the whole thing!"
He slams his hand on the table and makes everything fall in place. He is drunk now and he is not keeping his emotions in control anymore.
"I tried. I put my heart in this, I tried to reach out to you, I tried to talk to you, but every time I had to deal with I'm busy, I don't have time bullshit."
"Please, Heeseung. I'll hang out with you after my exams, I promise. Please?" you pleaded earnestly, hoping he would understand your situation.
He puts the glass on the table and turns his body towards you finally looking at you. You can see he is a little mad now, his expression still serious but there's a certain bitterness in it. "You just want me around when it suits you, huh?"
"W-what do you mean?" You asked, your voice is full of uncertainty, and I would like clarification on his intentions.
"You are not interested in me otherwise; you avoid hanging out with me, you give me lame excuses, or don't give me an answer when I ask if you wanna hang out. But you'll come to me and pretend to care the night when I need somebody. Because you need me to make you feel better when you are lonely, right?"
"no, I'm not Heeseung"
"Yeah, sure."
He cuts you off, his eyes narrow. "I don't expect you to understand, I never expected it anyway."
He finishes his drink and tosses the glass behind him, it shatters on the floor in pieces. His voice gets rougher as he continues. "You don't even wanna try."
He stares at you sharply, his body is tense and it's hard to believe this boy is the one who used to be so kind and soft. You recognize it but he seems to be a completely different guy right now.
You were shocked when the glass shattered, your voice filled with concern. "Heeseung, are you crazy? You could get hurt!" you exclaimed, rushing to his side to make sure he was okay.
He didn't seem to care much about the glass. He doesn't look like he is sober anymore, his mood is getting worse and the alcohol is taking over.
"I'm a big boy, I can take care of myself."
He trails off for a moment and his grip loosens a little, he's breathing heavier. He shakes his head and clears his throat.
He stands up, a little wobbly, and starts walking towards you. He steps closer to you and puts his hands into your hair, a little roughly, he starts twisting it around his fingers, his grip is tight and your neck is pulled a little. 
"I'm so tired of those words... I'm always there for you, right? Whenever you need me but you.."
"I'm tired... I'm tired of being just your friend while I want something more." 
He says in a low voice. His tone changed suddenly and now he sounds like he is pleading you. He moves his face closer to you and tries to make eye contact.
"You know how I feel about you... So, please...I just need you to be by my side. Do that for me." He sounds soft and a bit desperate, his voice has cracked a little bit. He's getting drunk now.
Before you say anything, he suddenly moves his hand down to your waist and pulls himself closer to you, now he is directly facing you closely and their faces are inches apart. He keeps his grip tight and his other hand goes to your hair pulling you even closer. His breath hitches for a moment when his lips are only inches away from your face but he doesn't kiss you just yet. His hand on your waist gets lower and his gaze is fixed on your lips. He is drunk but he knows what he is doing right now.
"You're drunk, Heeseung... You will regret this tomorrow," you said softly, your words tinged with worry as you watched him, hoping he would listen to reason.
"Maybe I'll regret it." He replies with a strained smile, still doesn't move his lips away from yours. He is not drunk enough to lose control yet.
"But right now I wanna kiss you so let me enjoy it at least for tonight."
He leans in to close the gap and finally, your lips meet. He pulls you even closer as he starts kissing you. His kiss is sloppy, and his mouth is rough but his grip on you only gets tighter, his hand wraps around your lower back pulling you even closer to him.
It's not the kiss you would expect from Heeseung, he is usually sweet and gentle but tonight he is passionate and desperate. His lips bite on you playfully and his hands start gliding against your body. Despite your hesitation at the beginning of his kiss, you begin responding to him now, at first it's hesitant and a little uncertain but eventually you melt in his touch. His kiss turns more aggressive, now it's full of passion which makes your breath catch in your throat
Your bodies are pressed together, your lips parted with him, and his hands are all over your body. Heeseung is completely lost in the kiss. It feels so good, so right, like you have always been meant to belong with each other. His body moves around you while he deepens the kiss, leaning forward and then slowly tilting your head back. There is no reluctance anymore, you both are enjoying the kiss. Your bodies are pressed together tightly, he caresses your hair and neck with one hand while the other one goes lower towards your thigh.
Heeseung's body is pressing against yours now. Both of you are breathing heavily and you can feel his warmth around you, it feels so good. The alcohol has made him so bold and he is not holding back right now. He is slowly bringing down his hands to your thighs before his fingers reach under your shirt. He doesn't move his mouth away from you either to speak, it seems like he wants to keep this moment going for as long as possible.
His lips trail down to your neck and he starts kissing and nibbling on it eagerly, his other hand continues to wander under your shirt but now he is touching your bare skin. Heeseung is completely focused on you now, nothing else is important but the feel of your skin under his fingers. He wants to explore every inch of your body, the feeling of your skin is so addictive.
When his tongue finds its way to your neck and starts sucking on it, your body shivers in response but you don't pull away. Your chest feels like it's heavy and your heartbeat quickens. You put your arms around Heeseung's neck and pull him closer to you, you want to be even closer to him while he explores your body.
Heeseung's mouth is exploring your neck now. He kisses and bites you, he wants to devour you, and he starts to mark you as his. You can feel his warm breath on your skin and the hand under your shirt moves towards your stomach. Heeseung's heart is beating so fast that his chest is trembling, the passion and intimacy is driving him further and further.
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©hoonloml, 2024 - please do not steal, copy, or even repost on other platforms. Thank you 🙏🏻
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koolades-world · 1 day
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this was originally a request and i accidently got rid of it i think? i'm not really sure what i did but it's gone im literally so upset
so basically i posted sunday's post by accident, and only realized after i clicked on the next request so in a panic, i clicked off without thinking about it to do I wasn't sure at the time. i eventually resolved to just let that be and move sunday's original post to monday, but when i came back looking for the thing i had tried to start it was gone :(((
I'm so sorry to this anon they said some very sweet things about how visiting my blog was comforting and that they liked how i penned the characters and i just wanted to say thank you for that and hope you're reading <333
please enjoy!
Mc with burnout symptoms
Lucifer
when he notices you exhibiting the symptoms he knew from experience, he's quick to check up on you
he immediately talks to you about it and works with you to walk you through what he does in hopes of helping
his method of coping is meditation and yoga
if you're up for trying it, you can make this a thing you do together
Mammon
lately, he's been running into you more and more awake at three in the morning on RAD nights
he's awake just because he has a bad sleep schedule, but you're not like this at the frequency he's been seeing you at
one night, he prepares a cup noodles for both of you so you can chat over something you both love
he deeply cares about you since he feels as you're the first person to express how much you love him, so anything he can do, he will do
Levi
it's scary to him to being to see you echo the negativity he knows so well
he notices you begin to lose passion for the things that you loved before
he felt lost at first, but he knew that you needed his support so he stepped up for you
he lets you know he's willing to chat about it and will help you out however he can
Satan
while he doesn't catch on right away, he does notice your change in behavior
he does frantic research until he thinks he's figured out why you're acting different
he tries his best to subtly make changes in your life, such as making an effort to get to bed early with you and taking the scenic route home to enjoy the nature
when you inevitably notice, he lets you in on what he did, and how even after you overcome the burnout, you can keep up these habits if it makes you happy
Asmo
he noticed your newfound irritability before you did
when he came to talk to you about it, it was then you realized you had burnout
while he knows pampering you can't solve every problem, he loves to make you feel special and to help you relax
the two of you can go talk to solomon about it as soon as possible to ask for his help
Beel
when he notices the burnout symptoms, he didn't know what is was at the time
but he did know that sometimes he saw the same things in lucifer
so, he did what he does with lucifer: do some fun exercise together!
not only do the two of you get more time together, he just wants to help you and is doing it how he knows best
Belphie
watching you slowly being to just lay around like him was almost scary
the onset of creeping negativity wasn't like you
he resolved to help you find a way to work through it together
anything that you tried, he would do too to give you a little extra motivation, even if it's something he would never normally do
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ughgoaway · 1 day
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a/n; This is kind of half a blurb and half a fic?? Idk, it's just horny thoughts expanded tbh. now, this is NOT sanitary at all. PLEASE do not do this without thoroughly cleaning the shoe first. You are asking for a yeast infection and a UTI otherwise. But this is fiction, so let's all pretend he did a little sterilising beforehand! however, that's not hot to read, so im not gonna write it, but let's play pretend!! Thank you, ily <3
Content warnings; boot grinding, d-word, degradation, jealousy, bratty behaviour, dom matty, spit, swearing, and teasing. But I think thats it?? I'm so sorry if I'm missing some!
word count; 2.1k ish
(shout out to Kirke @nowshesdoingitallthetime for once again causing this. you are my fav little devil on my shoulder encouraging this behaviour...)
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*click* *click* *click*
“Okay and now look to the left!” You hear the photographer shout. matty turns his head exactly as she asks. But apparently, it's not quite right, judging by how she walks over to him and poses his body.
you can feel the jealousy in every fucking nerve when her fingers graze the edge of Matty's jaw, adjusting his head half a centimetre. The move was so small it was completely unnoticeable to anyone else, but what was noticeable was the sly smirk on the photographer's face as her fingers lingered on Matty’s skin.
Your boyfriend remains completely oblivious, as he has been all day. You, however, noticed it as soon as you walked in together. You weren't planning on coming to play jealous girlfriend, you were prepared to be silently supportive.
But when she spent 40 minutes trying different outfits on Matty and showering him with compliments, you knew something was up. 
You studied her every move from then on. The way she “adjusted” Matty’s hair after almost every take, running her fingers through every strand in a way that had Matty practically purring.
You look at the way she pulls at his clothes, untucking and tucking in his shirt multiple times. and you also watch her eyes dart down to his exposed stomach every. fucking. Time. You swear you can almost see the cogs turning in her head when she catches a flash of the rose tattoo on his hip.
Every joke he makes, she laughs just a little too hard. Matty is funny, but making a shitty pun is not worthy of doubling over and acting like you're at a standup show. Yet, every vaguely funny comment he makes has her cackling and wiping tears that are streaming down her cheeks.
So you were fuming. Partially at her, Matty had introduced you as his girlfriend at the start of the session. Which had earned him an unimpressed hum from her and you a petty wave. she didn't seem to take too much notice of that fact, though, judging by the way she's stroking his cheek right now.
But you're also pissed at Matty for playing right into her hand. 
You knew he was egotistical, but the way he was practically turned into a giggling schoolgirl over the shoot drove you insane. His attention whore actions usually make you laugh, probably because they're normally aimed at you. as soon as you start rambling about how much you love him, matty becomes a child star, immediately glowing at the praise.
But it's remarkably less entertaining when he's lapping up the attention of a woman who is practically getting on her knees in front of you.
And maybe you took it too far, walking over to him mid-conversation and grabbing his face, pressing your lips onto his harshly, you take advantage of the gasp that leaves his lips to press your tongue into his mouth, licking inside and moaning excessively loud.
Matty pulls you off once his logical brain overtakes his horny one, but you can still see he's slightly dazed when he goes back to chatting with the photographer. The haze in his eyes and the pink flush on his cheeks take a few minutes to fully fade, especially when your hand slides onto his thigh and grips his skin possessively. 
You hang off his arm for the rest of the break and move closer to the set when they start up again. Every adjustment she suggests you swoop in and make before she can, punctuating each one with a peck on Matty’s lips and a glare her way.
Matty knows what you're doing, and after you lingered a little too long on one kiss, he pulls you in with a hand around the base of your neck.
You feel his breath on your ear before he starts talking, “I know what you're doing. Behave.”
You don't listen to his demands. Why should you when he's been gagging for every piece of attention this stranger gives him? So you play it up even more, determined to beat this woman at her game.
whilst you might win that war, you certainly don't win the one waging with matty judging by his tense shoulders and rolling eyes.
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The ride home is full of tension, Matty's knuckles are white from how hard he's gripping the steering wheel, and the hand that usually lives on your thighs is firmly stuck on the gearstick.
You cant deny that the mix of his palpable anger now and how fucking good he looked at the photo shoot had riled you up. Every tick of his jaw makes your thighs tighten. And you swear you see a smile cross Matty's face as you cross and uncross your legs for the 20th time, desperate to relieve some pressure.
As soon as you get in the door, Matty is barking orders at you. 
“Follow me. And be quiet. You've done enough talking today.”  Any bratty behaviour left simmering inside you was gone. You trailed behind Matty silently, walking into the front room and starting to sit down on the sofa beside him.
“Nope, floor,” Matty says bluntly.
... no, he's joking. Surely.
“What?” you tilt your head at the man in front of you as you speak, assuming this is another one of his unfunny jokes (but you're sure the photographer would be fucking cackling at it.)
“You heard me, Don't play dumb now, baby. Kneel.” You don’t know whether it’s the intensity of his eyes or the assertiveness of his voice, but you do exactly as he asks. Sinking to your knees like you had done for him so many times before.
Your hands start to move to his fly instinctively, assuming you'd be apologising the only way you know how, letting Matty fuck your throat until you cant speak. But his hands smack yours away before you can even touch the denim of his jeans.
“Thats not gonna cut it today, baby. i need a proper apology this time.” Matty's foot slides between your legs, his boot sitting between your thighs as you hover just above it.
“I want you to grind on my boot, sweet girl. Put on a proper show for me, yeah?” Matty nods at you, and you don't even think before immediately nodding back, sinking down on his boot below you. in your mind, you know you should be scoffing at him and rolling your eyes, but your body moves without you telling it to.
You can already feel wetness pooling in your panties, throbbing at the idea of being so powerless under him. You gasp as soon as the cool leather of the boot touches your core, goosebumps blooming over your skin.
Your hips start rutting against the leather, sliding your hands around Matty's calf as you experimentally grind down on his shoe. Matty feels your fingers tighten around his leg as you clit brushes agaisnt the leather, the slight scratch of the boot making your head spin.
You rock your hips dumbly against Matty's shoe, arching your back when it brushes harshly over your bundle of nerves. Your ruby red nails dig into Matty’s leg through his jeans as you cling to him desperately.
One of your hands slides behind you so you can rock your hips even deeper on his boot, laying your palm flat the ground and canting your hips up desperately. Your thighs burn with every rock you make, but the burn in your core is stronger than anything else.
“thats it. now stick your tongue out, fuck. that's it angel,” Matty palms himself over his jeans as he stares down at you, groaning as he watches spit drip from your tongue and fall on the boot below, making every move you make slicker and more dizzying.
Matty looks pretty fucked out for someone who hasn't been touched, a thin sheen of sweat sits on his skin, his dick straining in his jeans as he watches you like a hawk. He studies your every movement like he is watching a cinematic masterpiece, taking in every move you make and committing it to memory. 
His jaw clenches as he fights every urge in his body to grab you by the hair and pull under him. Visions cross his mind of him jackhammering his hips inside you until you're screaming his name, watching the bluge in your stomach as he pumps fucking every inch of himself inside you. But he stays strong, keeping his eyes trained on you with every move you make.
“Thats it, shine my boots with your cunt. Good girl” Your eyes roll into the back of your head as Matty drags out his words and pushes his boot up, the pressure against your clit making the world around you fall into a haze. 
A flush covers your cheeks and chest, and Matty smirks at how blissed out you look.
Fucking you dumb is something that will never fail to amaze him, watching a smart girl become a babbling mess because of him does wonders for his ever-growing ego. It's not like he needed the boost, but your brain melted out of your ears as soon as he starts talking to you like he owned you.
You can't help but squirm as you start moving closer towards the edge, the pressure building inside you slowly becoming too much. Whimpers and whines fall from your lips as your hips speed up, pleading with Matty to let you cum without saying it. Luckily, Matty has seen you fall apart under him enough times to know exactly what you're asking.
“You getting close, baby?” Matty smirks as he speaks, “‘course you are. Filthy girl wants to cum all over daddy's boots.” your jaw drops at the nickname, and you nod as best you can, whimpering with every circle of your hips. 
“Beg." he demands
"Tell me you're fucking sorry and beg to cum,” Matty's jaw drops when he sees tears start falling down your face, desperation filling your every nerve. Soon, you're sobbing and begging Matty for mercy, your hips bucking wildly.
“Please. I’m so- fuck- im so sorry, Daddy. Please let me cum, ill be so good, I promise. Just- ah! let me cum. Please.” Your teeth sink into your bottom lip as you fight to hold in your orgasm, but every rut of your hips is making pushing you closer.
“So good for me, such a dirty slut. Okay, angel, cum for me.” As soon as the words leave Matty’s lips, your cumming, the rubber band inside you snapping.
White spots dance across your vision as you push even harder down on Matty’s boot, letting the tough leather push you through your orgasm with every circle of your hips. Your chest heaves, and your jaw shakes as your orgasm drags on, intense pleasure wracking your every nerve.
Your thighs grip tightly around his boot as you reach your peak, but soon enough they're going lax, your hips slowing down until you’re motionless sitting on Matty's shoe, panting wildly and fighting to catch your breath. His fingers move from his lap and grip your chin, forcing you to stare at him as he speaks.
“Don't leave a mess. clean it up for me baby, be a good girl.” Matty nods at his boot, looking at you expectantly with a sick smile covering his face.
You sink further down on the floor below you, ignoring the way the cold concrete scratches your knees as you slide. Dark brown eyes meet yours as you hold eye contact with Matty. staring up at his as you stick your tongue out, and start to lick the leather covered in your slick. An exaggerated moan falls from your lips at the taste, and Matty’s jaw drops as he watches your tongue lap at his shoe.
After a few more seconds of you swiping your tongue over the leather, Matty is dragging you into his lap, gripping your hips harshly as you settle on top of him. He can't help smirking as you hover over him. Your cheeks are pink as you stare at him. The same pretty pink covers your lips. undoubtedly from desperately bitting at them to try and dampen your needy whimpers.
“Don't be so selfish now, princess, give daddy a taste,” you smirk at Matty before gripping his jaw, watching in awe as his mouth drops open and his tongue falls out.
Power skitters up your spine as you lean forward and let a drop of spit fall from your bottom lip, watching it drip and fall onto your boyfriend's tongue. A grin immediately pulls at your lips when you hear the groan that is ripped from his chest. 
As soon as Matty tastes the mix of your slick and spit, he's dragging you deeper into his lap, forcing his tongue in your mouth to desperately lick every trace of your release from the inside of your mouth.
Needy hands grip each other's skin, groping every piece you can get your hands on. Eventually, Matty pulls away from your lips, his eyes dropping to watch a string of spit spread between you. His head falls back against the sofa behind him, staring at you in awe.
“I'm booking another photo shoot with her,” he teases, his chest heaving as he desperately sucks in air to his lungs.
“The fuck you are.” You surge forward and capture his lips again, smiling as you feel his lips turn up as soon as your skin touches his. 
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mediumgayitalian · 1 day
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I'm curious as to your thoughts on how Nico and Will manage chores?? you've mentioned that you hc Will as OCD, but I'm interested in how you think that would combine with the different aspects of adhd. plus, I can't imagine Nico had much experience with chores having been rly young in Italy, plus living at the lotus casino, plus being on the run for so long
YES okay so i answered a similar ask here but i'm going to reiterate it and also explain a little bit of my ocd headcanon.
when they move in together, how do you think they will split the chores?
they do not.
they are in an interesting situation: nico has never had to do chores in his life. as a kid, he was the son of Literal Hades and an aristocrat, he for sure had people doing that shit for him. in the lotus, they presumably had room service. he may have had to do a few chores at the military school, but a) they weren't there for long and b) as an older sister with a younger brother, bianca was doing that shit for him. she ordered him to make his bed, he did a horrible job, she huffed and did it herself because it's more of a pain in the ass to make your brother do it again than it is to do it yourself. bianca i get you. after that he was homeless, so there was obviously no cleaning there, and then he lived in his father's palace. he has never so much as done a load of laundry except maybe hastily with a public washroom sink and a bar of soap. he barely knows what a mop is.
will, on the other hand, has been in charge of both a cabin and a literal infirmary since he was 13 years old. on top of that, if i am not mistaken (i'm so sorry i still havent read toa and tsats im getting there i swear), he grew up on a farm. his ass knows how chores work, in fact i would bet money that he gets a little obsessive when it comes to cleaning. he is acutely aware of how many germs are on every single surface ever. he cleans and he does it a lot.
this could go really badly, because habit would indicate that will would be doing all of the housework and nico none, which is Bad For Relationships.
however:
nico really likes will.
will is a massive hypocrite who overworks himself. he also is a bit of a control freak.
nico is also very, very observant.
i think, in the beginning of their friendship, even, nico noticed that will, like bianca, would let the onus of cleaning and tidying fall to him because 'no one else does it right', and also, maybe, it's just easier not to fight people about it. i think this would bother him. i think he would, in his inability to, like, be normal, impulsively challenge will to a cleaning contest.
and. like. will is a competitive person, okay. maybe not about things he knows he can't win, but when he knows he's good at something? he is not letting that shit slide. look at how fast he was to dunk on octavian, how prickly he got when nico doubted his ability to outrun the romans. if nico, who will knows damn well has done like four chores in his life, tries to challenge will, mr. antiseptic is my closest friend solace, to a cleaning contest?
he is going to sweep the floor with him.
pun absolutely intended.
from there things kind of spiral. at first it's a dorky ass learning curve, because nico loses every cleaning competition so so badly and quit fucking laughing, solace, you dickead, the windows are not that streaked and also watch me spray you in the goddamn eyes, huh, how do you like that and it's just kind of...fun. for the first time in a long time cleaning up doesn't make will quietly bitter.
plus, as an added bonus, nico helping will clean up makes it less invisible when he does it. now people are starting to notice that, no, the infirmary does not magically clean and organise itself, someone does that. and maybe a few more people pitch in to help. and maybe will realises, and maybe he smiles gratefully at nico when, for the first time in years, he has two entire days off, back to back, in the summer, for the first time in years. and maybe nico thinks he is going to collapse into dust because gods will has a nice smile. not that he cares or notices or anything.
do they need to keep having competitive chores forever?
no.
but does it make both of them kind of shyly pleased and happy to remember how they started? to remember how much their friendship means to them, first and foremost, and not just their relationship?
yes.
(also, by the gods, nico is going to beat will at laundry one day. he is. as soon as he learns to fold without creasing the whole stupid shirt it's over.)
on ocd:
so i've technically been diagnosed with ocd. i'm not sure how much i believe it, because i have severe anxiety and in 2020 when i was 17 i had anxiety about being ocd so i called my psychiatrist and went 'hey i think i have ocd' and she said 'yah you do', which, well. i've read some testimony and biography of people with ocd and there's a lot of stuff i don't relate to. so i'm not rly comfortable calling myself ocd, but i do have a lot of obsessive behaviours that i am aware extend past generalised anxiety disorder.
but on the stuff i do relate to:
mostly i am Fine. but i am also Aware of the Germs Around Us. at all times. taking a safe food handling course was a Mistake.
however i am also aware that these germs are Unavoidable. and i work with children. i get covered in fluids a Lot. (have you ever held a tissue to a young child's nose and told them to blow, feeling the hot gush of mucus, because they are too young to blow their noses themself? i have. it is revolting. more revolting than being thrown up or shit on, frankly, although those are also Not Great.)
for the most point i employ the Very Clever strategy called: Just Don't Think About It.
i don't think about it.
don't think about the germs on your laptop. don't think about the germs on the seat you're sitting on. don't think about how many germs are built up on your hands and transferring onto your laptop from all the dirty doorhandles you touched to get into the building. don't think about all the airborne germs that you are breathing right now. don't think of how easily staph virus travels. don't think about the germs built up on your phone, dear god. don't think about the germs on your bracelets.
Germs Die. Hands Wash. Germs Die. Hands Wash. Germs Die. Hands Wash.
this is a regular thing i chant to myself.
i have to.
so i don't go Insane.
there are some things i won't do, though, regardless of whether or not germs die and hands wash. i won't wear outside clothes to bed or let them touch my bed. i won't touch door handles with my bare hands if i can avoid it. i won't fill up the gas in my car if i don't have hand sanitizer or lysol wipes handy (gas pumps are DISGUSTING). i won't eat without washing my hands before and after. won't use the bathroom without washing my hands before (we should all do that?? frankly?? why do we allow germs near a place that gets infected real fuckin easy??????). i won't put my toothbrush on the side of the sink (INSIDE A DRAWER WHERE IT'S SEALED OFF). i won't flush the toilet with the lid up (DO YOU WANT THOSE PARTICLES IN THE AIR MORE THAN THEY ARE). i won't use hand dryers in public bathrooms.
lots of stuff i will do too. i will turn the water off and SCRUB my hands for thirty seconds (MISSISSIPPI) before rinsing the soap off. i will wash my hands every couple hours at least but regularly if they feel dirty. i keep a mental note of what is Contaminated and what i have to wash after i touch. i keep a mental record of what i'm touching. i look into ways bacteria and germs spread so i can learn how to keep myself protected. i keep hand sanitizer on my at all times, as well as extra in my car.
etc etc.
i don't always have all this in the forefront of my mind at all times. in fact most of this is habit.
i do spiral though.
sometimes i become Hyperaware of what i'm touching and i feel rly rly unclean. the germs and grime build and build and i get nauseous. usually, this only happens when i think 'i need to wash my hands' and i Cant. i can handle it because i have been handling it my whole life but it makes me really irritable really quickly, and then panicky if it goes on too long.
other times i get really obsessed with preparation. i'll try really hard to Avoid germs, which is impossible, and when i can't i get panicky too.
it is also Really Embarrassing. i get screechy when i'm not expecting to be germy (like at work i'm fine, i know i'm gonna get gross at work, so it's Fine to get gross at work; but if my sister wipes something gross on my shirt to get a reaction out of me she is Going To Get A Reaction Out Of Me, and it is going to be me shrieking at the top of my lungs). so that's fun.
on will:
i do think will would be kinda similar to my experience?? so ocd-adjacent.
he is Hyper aware of germs for one. i imagine he struggles to turn it off. he knows how disgusting something is at any given time because it is really important for him to know if something is sterile.
as he gets older and is abilities get more defined, i think he has a period where he spirals a Lot.
in the infirmary, he knows where the germs are. they are his job to treat or add as necessary. it's no big deal if he has to deal with catheters or sweat or vomit or snot or whatever. that's part of the job.
but Outside of the infirmary???
what really peaked my interest was, amusingly, the shaking hands line: that whole birth thing Bothered him. it was outside the norm, outside of something he could prepare for, and sure, it's just regular horrifying but i feel like it might be Germ horrifying as well.
does he panic about accidentally infecting people?? i think that might make him spiral. he has to do surgery and shit -- if he's hyperaware of what is and isn't sterile, i imagine the situations under which he has to apply medical care would send him spiraling after they're over.
i think he has a lot of anxiety Build Up. i think he shoves it back to Do His Job and then he's supposed to have free time, supposed to chill, and he's rushing away every forty minutes to scrub his hands.
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carnivalcarrion · 7 months
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some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them
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ganondoodle · 7 months
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reminder that my totk rants are me just rambling about my thoughts, ideas and complaints, im not trying to analyze anything, be smart, be right, debate or convince anyone who likes it that its bad just bc i think its bad or simply dont like the choices made, im literally just spilling out my brain so it doesnt keep haunting me
if you think something makes sense that i think doesnt i, and forgive me for being so blunt about it, do not care why you think it works, my opinion of this game will not change and i am okay with that
you are free to disagree with anything i say of course but i really dont care why, sorry
(sth i said only in the tags before but added now in this edit bc i think its important: its not bc i dont want to hear other peoples opinions and live in ignorance or something, but bc im tired and i PROMISE you i have seen 99.9% of those arguments already)
im not trying to be mean, aggressive or dismissive, but again, these rants are just me rambling with no intention of arguing with anyone, the only reason im still posting whenever i think of something thats bothering me (even if it might be dumb or be disproven in game bc i am not all-knowing and might be possibly misremembering something), and letting those posts be rebloggable/interactable is bc i have been told by quite a few people that they like reading them or that they feel validated in their own disappointment
thats it.
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lov3w0rms · 2 years
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I was suppose to be the hero, I was suppose to save everyone
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suffarustuffaru · 6 months
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I don’t speak Japanese so I’d LOVE to hear more about the differences between the English and Japanese Re:Zero fandoms
yeah sure its very interesting to me now that ive noticed it more lately :o !! though ok disclaimer - i dont speak japanese either hah so if anyone is seeing this and does speak japanese + is familiar with the japanese speaking side of this fandom please add info if youd like!! and of course ill be mainly speaking from the english side of things bc im more familiar with that yes (sorry anon again im not a japanese speaker T^TT so sorry if i tread on info you already know!!). but yeah im speaking from my own experiences given the Topic at hand. ive been in this fandom since... 2019?? which is so wild to me aljsdfljsd.
anyway so - i think the big difference is mainly that the english fandom and many english speaking people that engage with rezero are. to put it bluntly, misconception runs Rampant to a very Interesting degree. to the point where it seems like the english speaking side of the fandom is More. Aggressive. than the japanese fandom. not that the japanese speaking side of the fandom is perfect - also bc what fandom is ever perfect 100% of the time, tbh - but that the louder people in the english rezero fandom are. well its a Very low bar. Very low. and from what little ive seen and heard so far, the japanese fandom tends to understand rezero and its characters better than the english fandom. which ig makes sense bc you know, rezero is japanese media, and also im sure cultural differences come into play here as well (im not familiar enough on this to speak about it in depth but the cultural differences feel Pretty Clear even though i cant 100% put my finger on what they specifically are).
but also bc yeah. its not That hard to beat some of the english fandom when it comes to media comprehension. misreading rezero is unfortunately Extremely common, both in and out of the rezero community. its Everywhere - youtube, myanimelist, ao3, ff.net, reddit, twitter, various rezero discords - and from what ive experienced, rezero tumblr basically kind of feels like finding an oasis after crawling through the desert for days on end lajdslfjs. which is probs bc rezero tumblr is Smaller and also a lot of us seem to be lgbtq+ in some way or be allies, so you dodge a lot of the misogyny and homophobia that happens in other rezero english circles. its why you see a lot of openly queer rezero-related posts on here while its a bit more. barren. in other rezero english places yes. bc its more safe to post queer rezero things on rezero tumblr rather than rezero reddit for Sure.
im not sure how the japanese fandom is with that exactly but theres some interesting differences between whats popular in the english fandom vs the japanese fandom. i mean as an otto fan ive been noticing how hes more popular with the japanese fandom—and on top of that, ottosuba is Way More popular in the japanese fandom too. reinsuba and julisuba seem to usually be the most popular mlm subaru ships in both fandoms but ottosuba is like A Little Up There in the japanese fandom. not sure if its on the same level as a ship like reinsuba but ottosubas Definitely loved as a ship. from what little ive seen it also seems like ships like vichisha are more acknowledged by the japanese fandom? im not entirely sure on like—Complete differences regarding what the japanese fandom finds interesting that may differ from english fandom, so ill really have to look more into the japanese fandoms fanart and fanfic when i can bc im pretty curious too. in general though, it seems like the japanese fandom has a bit more variety…. you can find fanart on So Many characters in rezero (which already has a very Massive cast full of very fleshed out characters) there. not that you cant in the english fandom bc theres a Bit of variety too, but id more so contribute that a little more to the Big Cast and less to having actual variety in fancontent. and of course im not saying that the japanese fandom may be a bit barren in some areas of fancontent—bc inevitably when u have a big cast of characters, side character content is gonna be more sparse compared to the main characters, but to me it does feel like the english fandom lacks variety in comparison. (and also yeah. seems like the japanese fandom acknowledges gay ships more in general tbh.)
whats focused in fancontent makes it easy to tell what may be popular in a fandom in terms of how fans perceive the source material and what fandoms want to do with the source material, if that makes sense. and its very easy to tell that with the english fandom if you just hop on rezero ao3–or even better, rezero reddit given theres a fanfic ideas thread thats usually pinned right at the top of the site. again i havent looked at japanese fanfic for rezero yet (bc i dont know where to look oops ajdndn) but when it comes to the english fandom you can tell that theyre generally more focused on the female cast both in fanart and in fanfic bc. theyre women and many fans on say, reddit or various rezero discords, are cis straight men, so inevitably… well lets just say you can tell when a man makes content for this fandom o.o theres also the. very weird reaction fic trends and trends following popular fics in the fandom, the two biggest being the watching him die again and again react fic and re:forgotten, the former of which includes a harem plot with subaru and the main girls of rezero while the latter is one of those subaru gets tortured by his ooc friends and then he gets revenge on them fics. which i suppose says something about the english fandom too.
of course on ao3 its dominated mainly by english fics (of course not all fics on there for rezero are in english— big shoutout to all the non english fics on rezero ao3 ur doing great <3 — but the majority are in english). and while yeah ur occasionally gonna find stuff like queer content or side character content or rarepair content, its definitely not that big in amount and also comes with the risk of. Hate. if anyones reading this and remembers the lone star stuff. (if u dont know—lone star was a julius x emilia fic where they NTR subaru or some shit and then it got bombed with hate bc of the ship? yeah.) so yeah english fandom is very cis straight oriented, ironically with the nastiest people being the very people that rezero criticizes. though this is also my personal experience, i do know several people personally whove been in this fandom for a while or were here for a while and yeah english fandom isnt very welcoming at times???? and it seems like at the very least the japanese fandom is A Little Less Aggressive than the english fandom is.
otherwise. yeah im very very curious about more of the differences in popular content between the japanese vs english fandom. i mean the english fandom’s main focus on the female cast for. Interesting Reasons other than their actual character depth is… interesting. and the astreas being popular in general vs otto + ottosubas popularity fluctuating is also very interesting to me (but i have several guesses as to Why that is), among other things. yeah id love to know what else the japanese fandom likes about rezero and see more of their content. i also have to wonder if characters like emilia and subaru are hated less by the japanese fandom…. T^T well that and the english fandom and many english speaking people engaging in rezero have this interesting pattern of either hating subaru No Matter What, wanting subaru to Not Be Subaru (ie using him as a self insert almost or attempting to change him into virtually another character), or putting subaru on a pedestal and ignoring his flaws and mistakes and that he Can do wrong. like theres Really not a lot of nuance there. so i wonder if the japanese fandom is. A Little more chill when it comes to character opinions like this too.
#rezero#tldr: english fandom sets the bar so low (unless ur on rz tumblr) that the japanese fandom def seems a bit better by comparison#in terms of. Calmness levels.#every time i step into a rezero space that isnt tumblr i get a little worried my heads gonna get bitten off by someone HAH#recently someone tried arguing with me over how i interpret otto (this was on reddit) and then said stuff that showed they did Not#understand his character that well so that was awkward 😭😭😭#even just by looking at otto fanart from the japanese fandom it seems like more people understand his character there. in the english fandom#he is. either Not There or his flaws are just handwaved away or replaced with Different flaws#atm hes the most obvious example i can think of when it comes to. how differently characters can be percieved by different parts of a fandom#for rezero. like hes near invisible here but ottosuba being almost on the same level as REINSUBA in jp fanbase is crazy to me#kinda reminds me of the disney’s duffy and friends line and how it failed in the us but its SUPER popular in asia. really fascinating#and also yeah some of the english fandom seems. more loudly misogynistic and homophobic which is very unfortunate#also im sorry ill never forgive that random person on reddit i just said one (1) thing on otto and they came for my throat like fr 😭😭😭#ask#i do wonder why reinsuba is so popular but thats probs bc reinhards well loved too and also hes op. which is a bonus for the english fandom#bc theyre into all the power scaling stuff. and also reinhard gets the other bonus of being a guy and he isnt shafted by canon. hes treated#very sympathetically which is another bonus akdnsn#i say this as a reinhard fan btw but as an emilia fan im also crying bc theyre SO SIMILAR and yet why do people hate emilia….#but u know. reins a guy and we havent got his pov yet so there isnt much to hate.
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requinum · 3 months
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Breakfast x.
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rat-nest · 1 year
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My Opinion of the night is that people who dislike and/or are afraid of dogs should not be made fun of or have some weird moral judgment passed on them because of it.
#yes im a dog person. yes i am so so scared of unfamiliar dogs.#idk how to explain that dog bites can in fact be traumatizing to people who are like ALL dogs are uwu babies and dog haters are evil#hey. look at me. truly someone not liking dogs is not any different than someone not liking spiders or any other animal.#and not everyone that gets bitten was being stupid about it sometimes dogs dont give a ton of warning#and sometimes they ARE being stupid about it but theyre kids???? ive seen people act like children should know better when they get mauled#like. thats a child. sorry your brain and soul are rotten.#kid me ending up with scars from a series of bites from a dog i wasnt even told was there when i was babysitting: not at fault#adult me having a malamute mix redirect on me bc i was stopping him from attacking a cat: at fault but tbh whatever i didnt see cat guts so#one of those situations messed me up and one did not. i knew what was going on with the malamute mix. kid me? never saw it coming man.#anyway people are SO fucking weird about other people not adoring every single dog on the planet#and people who just dont like dogs? for no particular reason? theyre fine. leave them alone.#anyway if you make fun of someone for being afraid of a dog within earshot of me i WILL hit you#id like dogs more if people treated them like dogs and actually bothered to learn about their dogs instead of insisting whatever they WANT#to believe is true#being realistic about ALL of your dogs tendencies can only benefit you both#but people just dont wanna 🙃#oh hes friendly is a spell of instant rage to me. maam your dog looks 3 seconds from biting get him out of this situation#idk i dont have a point to any of these tags my point was made in the post this is just random thoughts#i also dont understand people who get offended about it#i joke about being mad when people dont like my dogs but tbh?? its fine#like Jason is a big boy compared to what most people want from a dog!! if someone crosses the street to avoid us#while we are walking i get it!!!! its fine!! they dont know anything about him!#theres a kid in the neighborhood that is afraid of him but not chiron and thats fair! dogs can be scary! especially as a kid!#wish people could be normal about it. anyway random stranger kid i get ya.i turn jason around if the kid is out bc its the nice thing to do
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yeehawbvby · 2 months
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My ACNH island is VERY slowly coming together (been working on it since.. I think July? Maybe august?)
I’m really happy with the progress I’ve made except I’m now one of those people whose island lags because of the amount of stuff in some spots lmao 🧎🏻‍♀️ it’s a worthy sacrifice though imo because my orchard is the culprit and it looks banging!!
Either way. BEHOLD
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jennilah · 4 months
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im drawing something tonight and if it comes out bad just know i Will be screaming and crying and shitting about it
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koiryuu · 6 months
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i watched the 2007 rgg movie tonight just to see what its like and i have a lot to say about it but for now i just doodled my favorite scene bc i could not handle it
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overalledfrog · 7 months
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REALISTIC TILLY GREEN???
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