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#every day people tell me i shpuld be in a relationship
honeyed-disgraceful · 3 years
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My friends: you'd be the perfect boyfriend, neighbourhood shared girlfriend, you are my husband i would marry you
Friend's parents: you are wife material we know a bunch of guys who would absolutely love you
Me who cannot last a day in a relationship: haha maybe after the pandemic is over
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strangetownsayit · 3 years
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ok so um.......... .. . . ..
 i had a really bad time, went crazy and deleted all my maurice fics. Yes I have them in my notes and if someone wants them, I can send them to them, but still. i no longer feel confident about You Don’t Own Me and To a Happier Year.
but i feel bad and guilty bc then i remembered someone who left a very nice comment in my fic. maybe ill rewrite everything and publish it again, but not today and certainly not tomorrow. so ill explain my outline for the two fanfics cus i already had a ending in mind
before anything-- do i plan to write more maurice fanfic? the answer is yes. i hyperfixate very hard on maurice so ill never stop, but ill try not to make it public till i trust my bilingual capacities
 so, You Don’t Own Me
Percival Darsey is a young man who spend time in Penderleigh’s after having an encounter with Anne in the village next to Penge. He becomes Clive’s pupil bc of Anne’s desire, and so Percival bounces between them (wanting clive’s attention, then wanting anne’s)
Clive doesn’t really care about Percy’s attraction to Anne, bc he was sure it was silly love-at-first sight stuff. It was supposed to be explained later that Percy was really naive when it came to love. I actually had some dialogue written in my phone’s notes app to show how percy views were when it came to love and how easy it was for him to fall in love:
“I can’t do nothing but leave it to take me, Mr. Durham”, said Percy gently, with his back resting against the black slate of the roof; the light rays of sun --whose bright, blinding face was hiding behind clouds-- were worth coming the next day. “When someone smiles back at me, when someone touches my shoulder to get me out of the way, when they wish me a good day; I fall in love too easily, with many people. Approximately five times a day.”
“Many people?”, Clive laughed. “You mean, many women.”
Percival contemplated the sky a while.
“No,” he finally said, “many people.”
 Percival was supposed to be Clive’s opposite: excited about loving and be loved in return, excited to be discovered and being so happy with himself, he can barely hide it.
But when Percival got infatuated with a man, an acquaintance of Clive, Clive started to snap, to wander, to ask questions he could’ve never asked before. But Percival had nothing to hide anyways, and this would make Clive distant
Resume: with time Percival would’ve become closer and closer to anne’s circle, and thus he would’ve grown tired and exhausted. Bc Percival is autistic, and he has very little spoons (a metaphor about being autistic), meeting new people every day, being dragged to social compromises and being treated as some sort of servant that these rich ppl needed for entertainment, he would’ve suffered a meltdown and avoid Pendersleigh for a while
But bc Percy is not dumb, he would’ve returned bc he needs to eat, and bc of his neurodivergence he couldn’t keep jobs that were mostly aimed to neurotypicals. So when he came back, he decided to stay in Clive’s side. He found comfort in his cases cus all he needed to do was ignore Clive and sleep and little lol. And so this was supposed to be the first step to develop their relationship: Clive being interested in percy now that he has discover Percy likes men as well, Percival feeling drawn to Clive. They get to know each other and eventually, they fall in love.
But ofc everytime Clive perceives a hint of flirt, he panics and back off, bc hes an I—HSHFS- NOO- WAIT—LMAO DLFAOF—IM SO SHY--- gay, and Percy is a ;)) bisexual, so they keep flirting a good part of my outline.
But then BOOm I planned Mrs Hall to visit clive. And so clive wouldve remembered everything with Maurice, feel bad, and reject percival once for all. Percival cries a lot and anne thinks he is sick bc he has an uncontrollable sobbing, but then he escapes again
Clive has some awful months and Anne notices. She knows, but at the same time, she doesn’t: she knows Percy and Clive had a cute dynamic and relationship, she knows they loved each other, but she cant notice the homoerotism they had, and so she goes on looking for percival
I shpuld add that even tho I didn’t outlined this, there was a subplot exploring Anne’s bisexuality. I was working on how to do it when I deleted the fanfic
She finds Percival and discovers that he lied this whole time: his real name is Daniel Darcy, son of Mrs. Darcy, a middle-class woman who fell in disgrace after her husband escaped with his lover. It is revealed that Percival has many brothers and is the youngest of all, being 22. It is also revealed that he have been running away from home and coming back since he was twelve. His mother openly talks shit about Percy and it is hinted that Percy is a  Bastard, a product of a love affair.
There was a silly joke I had in my notes app:
“Many years ago, Mr. Darcy ran away from us, in the gay nineties”, he spat, struggling with laughing and bitterness. “Gay, my mother hates the word, just like she hates me and everything that is stunning.”
Then Anne wouldve told Percival about Clive but he wouldve stop her and ask her to go. But he wouldve return to penge a few weeks later cus he a dumbass who doesn’t value himself. Then he and clive wouldve kissed in the rain while he sees percy in the darkness of the night at penge’s garden, but then percy wouldve been like “lol bye” bc he just wanted to let clive know that he loved him too and that he would be back in the morning.
Fluffy ffluffy fluffy flufly
Then BOOM Maurice makes an appearance, telling clive everything about what happened with kitty, then asking for money lmao so he and alec can look for another place, and he tells clive that didn’t anywhere else to go. At fisrt Clive says no but then percy manages to persuade him into helping Maurice, who is surprised to see Clive with a man. Clive and Maurice have a nice chat, clive apologizes and cries and then the next day Clives calls Risley and cries too and say something like sorry I wasn’t there for you yoy didn’t deserved to go through that and it was so unfair, and then he -in  a very subtle way- apologizes to anne. And thus Clive is clean of guilt
But then Clive and Percival have a fight bc he wants to participate in Clive’s life but Clive refuses. Angsty angsty angsty. Percival reveals he was promised by his mother his part of the heritage if he married and became a proper gentleman. He tells clive he will accept his mother offer if clive keeps being ashamed of him
Clive wants to be with percival but he sees himself in another drama, so he does what is easier: letting Percival go.
But percival didn’t expected that shit to happen ?? as extra as he is, he thought clive wouldve comfort him and kiss him. .. .. . . .
Bc he doenst know anywhere else to go, and doesn’t want to get married and hates his mom and he would hate it if he became clive, he goes with Maurice and Alec CUS HE WANTS THEM TO BE HIS DADS ¿’¿’’93 me too bitch get in the line
So advices advices advices. Percival has a clearer mind and he runs his way up to penge
So kisses kisses kisses, he and Clive are in love nd stuff. JUMP TIME, Maurice and alec live in France and they are Percy’s and Clive’s neighbors. Anne is looking for adventures and kisses many women and many men. Everyone is happy YAY I can cope
TO A HAPPIER YEAR
Ok I am a little tired I want to sleep jdswiow io
So Clive’s durham first love. Fluffly fluffly fflufy
It cover events during the movie (clive being tired of bullshit after Christmas vacs).
Bc clive is an asshole, he ignores Quinn (his first love and stuff]) and quinn wants to know why he is being pushed aside and why is clive so distant. But then he discovers it and wish clive luck
JUMP TIME they are both in their 36 and clive is miserable during a trip in Italy. They both meet during said trip, reconnect romantically,  and HAPPY YEAR YES EVERYTHING IS HAPPIER THE YEARS HAPPY ENDING WHATEVer. I swear it is cuter Im just very sleepy now lol
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flugelwhisper · 6 years
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Can we please take time to appreciate this scene?
Quote from "MOVING ON, Part 2/2: Dealing Witha Breakup | Thomas Sanders":
Thomas: I never stopped loving him.
Virgil: I know. We know, Thomas. But, eventually, you're gonna have to move on from him.
Thomas: I know.
Patton: Maybe, maybe you don't... not completely-
Thomas: *Whispering* Patton-
Patton: But you can't stay here. Moving on is not the same as moving forward. What I mean is, don't focus on "moving on". Constantly reminding yourself of where you should be in life only makes you feel more down in the dumps. At first this room does bring a jolt of happiness. I feel it myself when I come here. But, the return to the present can be too much sometimes. It's why I've been so emotional lately.
Roman: Patton, I had no idea. I suppose I have been contributing to that in some way. Thomas, you should know that, though I dream big, where you are in life is precisely where you need to be. And the only direction to go is forward. One step at a time. Not staying stuck in one place. If you're truly destined to be with him, now is not the time to worry about it.
Thomas: You're right. I have to focus on me. And I have to acknowledge that all my feelings are valid.
Patton: You're right, kiddo. I feel guilty for still feeling this way after so long.
Roman: Ah, you're not the only one.
Virgil: How you're reacting, for however long, is completely normal. Not bad. Not strange. Not stupid.
Roman: You've been so accepting of our... Umm... eccentricities. You're darn tooten we would do the same for you-ton.... I'm sorry I had to rhyme it.
Patton: Awe shucks. I thought it woilf be easier to avoid all those nasty feelings altogether.
Thomas: Patton, avoiding can seem apealing. But, I don't think it's fair to our mental health. Here's a little rap that I just made up, just right now:
It may seem scary to be that sad.
But repress and depression can also be bad.
Roman: Well, I'll... I'll do the rhyming. In a way, grieving could be the ticket we need to to take that path forward to recovery. That was a mixed metaphor. I'm sorry, I'm not thinking straight.... Ever. I'm not straight.
Virgil: Just. Be mindful. Being self-aware of what you're feeling and non-judgemental in the face of those feelings. Knowing that... they're normal. And that you're on the road to feeling better, could be exaclty what it takes.
Patton: You're right, Virgil, and I shpuld have been more mindful of YOU.
Virgil: Don't sweat it. I- I just wish I could have been more help. I've always been the one who worried about losing the people that you loved.... And that happened. And... I haven't known what to do since.
Thomas: Virgil, you've been as helpful as you could have been. Sadness shapes a different world.
Patton: Gee, love is something, huh?
Roman: Sho'nuff.
Virgil: And you loved him.... A bushel and a peck.
------------
When the time this was posted, my first relationship would end 5 days later.
I didn't understand what he meant then, but I did after we broke up.
Holy heck I understood that on less than a week later, on Halloween. (Ironically, dressed as Patton.)
It's been almost 6 months and I catch myself missing him. Sure, we've talked since then. Both of us apologized for what we did. We got the closure we both needed.
But, Thomas acknowledges that covering up grief can make one's mental health worse. I know this is true.
I don't understand why people bash Thomas for being too sunny or annoying. Thomas has helped me process my first relationship and help me move forward.
I realized I was trying to move on, but I realized I was making things worse for me. Thomas helped me break that habit and move forward.
Thank you Thomas for helping me through, not only my first relationship, but so many other things. He helped me feel more comfortable about my first therapy appointment. His shorts have helped me out of panic attacks. His non-scripted series bring a smile to my face when I need it. (Honestly, I catch myself automatically smiling when I watch his videos.) The two-part Anxiety episode, one of my favorite videos, helped me view my social anxiety in a different light. (Sometimes I use that breathing technique when I'm feeling anxious.)
So, thank you Thomas for being real. Thank you for helping us Fanders out when we needed it. You are a very amazing and talented creator. Please remember that we all love you, and your friends. Please don't stress yourself out over trying to finish videos.
Coming from someone who's default emotion is stress, please let yourself be relaxed. I know that is easier said than done. (I have had people tell me I get stressed WAY TO MUCH.) You have let yourself be vulnerable for us. You include your own feelings and experiences in your videos. You have helped a ton of us become better people. You deserve a "Me Day" every once in awhile. Turn off your phone and take a relaxing bath. (Or something.)
We all love you, Thomas Sanders. 💙
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