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#even if he was real he wouldnt fuck you bc hes only sexually and romantically interested in duna
tee-gee-em · 1 year
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no but like yeah the romantic/sexual attention ive gotten primarily from other queer people and primarily from women after coming out and transitioning has been weird as fuck. um. elaboration under cut i kinda just ramble about personal shit sorry
anyhoo. i came out as trans to a small friend group and one of em was immediately like ‘hey i think ur hot. but im gay and so i only like men and you’re a trans guy so am i not gay anymore? i was looking up pictures of trans guys earlier and they’re actually kind of attractive’ to which i did not know how to fucking respond. according to the rest of the group, when i did not (shocker) want to date them, they went and cried to the other friends who i’d come out to abt how they’d been rejected ‘as always’ (was also the member of the group worst at gendering me properly for some reason)
 also after i transitioned one of my close friends for a while got real comfortable commenting on my body and like touching my thighs and ass “as a joke” and whenever i was visibly uncomfortable she’d tease me and joke that i was into her. same friend also says shit about other guys like ‘i hate the way he moves its like, so gay’ and ‘oh my god did you hear that guy he’s so fruity’ etc etc. also whenever i like paint my nails and shit she’s jokingly like “ew i hate gay people” which is sometimes fine for other queer people to say to me but im like bro can we not do this in class in front of peers who have made jokes about me having aids thanks. and whenever she like mocks queer/feminine attributes in men she’s like “its ok i can say that im bi” im like Hello.
i said smthn on social media (where people who actually know me are lmao not tumblr) about having gotten top surgery and a girl who i’ve barely spoken to immediately started messaging me like “hey are you planning on getting anything else done? like bottom surgery” and i tried to take it in good faith and was like ‘thats not something im gonna worry about till im older for reasons x y z” and it was a chill conversation for the most part and we texted a bit but like. so quickly she started getting directly flirty and sending me sexual stuff to which i Think i responded in a way that was clear i was not interested. she asked me to go hang out and i was like ‘yah thats chill if you just mean hang out bc im not interested in you’ and then she got upset and said she didnt think she could bear to just hang out with a person she was attracted to and was like ‘this always happens to me no one likes me i feel like shit now’ and i was like Sorry I Fucking Guess !! Sorry That You Invited Me To The Park After Texting Me For Two Days Implying That All You Really Wanted Was To Fuck Me And I Said No Thanks And It Hurt Your Feelings !!!
in general just like. i’ve had friends of mine make obvious advances on me for ages and refuse to back off even when i repeatedly and directly tell them i dont wanna fucking date. (with one person in particular it was weird bc. even after i reminded him repetitively that im transmasc and use he/him only he wouldnt stop calling me nonbinary and using they/them and i was like Dude.) a lot of friends of mine still treat me socially as “female” but like acknowledge im a guy only when it is convenient to exclude me even in times where it doesnt make sense. (ie telling me i dont understand x thing women experience like Um. i have not lost all my pre-transition memories what). theres also just an assumption of privilege that lot of cis girls i know make abt me that just feels kinda ignorant and then they turn right around and call my posture gay and say ‘men are gross why would anyone ever want to date them’ just hurghgg.
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me: i can publish my erotica as is, i think people will be able to read into the deeper themes. the general public is smarter than we give them credit for!
sadistic beauty commenters/the translator on manhuascans: duna is a gaslighting abusive bitch for catering to minhos cuck fetish. shes suicide baiting. its gaslighting when she says erectile dysfunction (he does)
#also like not to detract from my point but why does everyone get so worked up abt erectile dysfunction like#minho simps get SO mad. its literally a fact that his dick doesnt work but theres also like nothing wrong with that?#idk why they act like its an actual hate crime against him to observe that his dick dont work#theres nothing wrong w erectile dysfunction!! its the toxic masculinity making ppl think that being able to get ur dick hard is the only#thing cis men can bring to sex bc it enforces the narrative that sex has to be piv penetration when it can be so much other stuff#saying this as a dfab person who fucks other dfab people#also sex is not the only value men have wtf is wrong with yall??#anyway minho isnt real and hes not gonna fuck you#even if he was real he wouldnt fuck you bc hes only sexually and romantically interested in duna#and even if he wasnt. really?? seriously?? i wouldnt wish him on my worst enemies. which coincidentally are his simps#but like legiterally. hes emotionally abusive (for real and not just bc i want to make up shit abt a character i dont like.#you absolute clowns)#and treats everyone around him poorly bc he thinks acting haughty is going to elevate his status#thats literally how he got into this whole mess. bc hes an asshole to everyone so when he caused the problems that ruined his own life#no one wanted to help him bc his writing isnt as godly as he thinks it is and also hes just mean and unpleasant#which honestly? also caused all this wookyung problems. wokyung wouldnt wanna fuck him so bad if he wasnt so unpleasant#dont @ me about kinning wookyung im just saying i conceptually know where hes coming from. i actually have morals#inb4 the simps are like they just described the worst man possible#no they didnt ive had sex with my fair share of minhos. lots of men are like that. minho simps if you want some guy with a small dick to#treat you like garbage hit my dms and ill set you up with my sloppy seconds#minho simps absolutely just need to get laid and i will help bc i believe in creating the change you want to see#instead of simping minho online just hit me up. i will get you so right you will regret simping him#oh right but back to one of my points wookyung didnt even have to try that hard to ruin minhos life he asked one girl for one favor and knew#minhos nasty personality would do all the heavy lifting and that hed ruin his own life#yes i do wish getting revenge was that easy irl but :(
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marunalu · 3 years
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Regarding that message you left at stupiidcupud's post: As a minor who has been groomed and sexually abused in the past let me tell you, you are a fucking moron. Fuck you. You should be embarrassed for supporting pedophilia, even if it is fictional.
And you should be embarrassed for bulling real people on the internet bc over a stupid fictional ship and supporting suicide baiting them! Im sorry something like that happed to you, Im really am, but I wont allow people who dont know me to call me a pedophil, espicially bc Im also a victim of sexuell abuse as a 14-16 year old teenager. You are not even brave enough and show your true blog name instead you go anonym! I tell you something now so listen carefully: there is NO sessrin shipper who ships sess with a child rin. People ship sess with an ADULT rin. And thats what the show gave us: rin as an adult! The timeline of the show confirms that rin was at least 17 years old when she got the twins, SAME age as sango when she gave birth to her girls but no one of you bats an eye bc of that. Meanwhile rumiko confirmed sess is 19 in human age. Inuyasha is a japanese fairytale in feudal japan and things back then were different. Back then you were an adult as soon as you got your period. So and now I want you to show me WHERE AND WHEN sesshoumaru ever acted like a pedophil or child groomer in the anime/manga! Show me the EXACT manga page/episode in which he thinks “I want to fuck her“ or “hmm lets wait till she is old enough to bang her“ SHOW ME! If you can show me I will apologize. But I tell you something: you cant! Bc he never saw her in an sexuell or romantic way! Never! He fell in love with her when she was old enough to make HER OWN decisions! Like he always allowed to! “Rin!“ “Yes?“ “Do what you want!“ “Yes!“
Again sessrin shippers ship ADULT rin with sess and its their fucking right to ship whatever they want, bc you know what? ITS A FUCKING ANIME! TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS CREATED FROM A BUNCH OF DRAWN LINES! And out there are asshole antis who didnt got their sess/kagu ship, who tell sessrin shippers, REAL PEOPLE, to KILL themself! Including children and teenagers like my 11 year old cousin who ships sessrin! Im sorry but you people who think like that and tell other people to kill themself are a pile of dogshit! You brag about just wanting to protect poor rin (not a real person) from her predator, but you GIVE A SHIT about real people including real children bc otherwise you guys wouldnt say “I wish all sessrin shippers to die“ This is disgusting as fuck! Sessrin shippers are real people! With familys, friends and a life! And you guys are here insulting us, suicide forcing us and shaming us over shipping a bunch of lines!
There is a very easy solution for every anti sessrin shipper out there: dont like what you see? It makes you uncomfortable? It givesyou bad memories? Fine drop the show and try to find something that brings you happiness and joy, espicially not a show that takes place in feudal japan or has romantic relationships with long age gasps, if things like that triggers you! If you cant stomach that japans culture is different then yours (whereever you live) then maybe you should stay away from anything that is related to anime/manga bc honestly japanese people give a fuck about you and your feelings. Dont like it? Dont watch it! They LOVE storys about immortal beings falling in love with mortal beings.They love storys with long age gasps relationships! Respect their culture difference or leave! Stop watching yashahime and watch something different if you cant stomach it and leave other people, you dont know and just want to enjoy the show in peace and stop being a toxic asshole (antis in generell) and insult people, calling them horrible names and tell them to kill themself. If you still do, at least stop lying and say you care for children bc you clearly dont. If you would care, you would consider that there are also children who ship sessrin and you guys just told this REAL children TO KILL THEMSELF! And if you would care for real children, you would stop wasting your time here on tumblr bitching about something that is fictional and instead try to protect real children out there from pedophils and groomers!
Again Im sorry what happened to you and I dont wish something like that to anyone. I was sexuell abused to but the difference between us is that I can difference between fiction and real life.
You dont need to answer me I wont read it anyway bc the only thing you most likely will repeat is calling me “pedophile“ “child groomer“ and “fuck you“ and I heard that already. I made my point clear! People who tell other people to kill themself because of a fictional ship including children and teenagers, are disgusting human trash! I hope I made myself clear! Fell free to block me if you dont like what I say, I will ignore any attempts from you trying to contact me! Bye!
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valzhangs · 4 years
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What are your lgbt headcanons for the pjo characters?
ok so!!
percy: he's trans and he's bi. bc im trans and im bi. i have trans headcanon post for him, but as far as his being bi goes, it takes him a lot longer to figure out than it should. he like, is aware of the fact that he's into men in a rlly weird surface level where he doesnt acknowledge it makes him Not Straight.
percy: who WOULDNT wanna kiss a homie?
annabeth: bi as fuck, <women3, is a disaster in flirting regardless of gender. she knows she's bi by the time she's like 15, although she spends some time there thinking she's a lesbian bc she's unaware bisexuality is an option.
annabeth: haha what if i was gay bc no i didnt bc yes i am bc no i did not. people. can you be gay and still like men
silena:.... bi??
annabeth: oi what the fuck
jason: he's a homophobic gay. we dont talk about the relationship™. struggled with comphet. every other week i switch to a bi headcanon for me so if you see me calling him bi no you didnt.
piper: trans lesbian. she, like percy, is on puberty blockers and bc of a supportive dad, figuring it out early on and being rich as fuck, her transition goes far more smoothly than others. she, however, spends many years thinking that in order to be a "real woman" she must be into men and so comphet is a thing™, thus the relationship we dont talk about. her and jason and gay besties now.
no one
piper: ahahaha yes men. they have. pretty eyes.
leo: i wildly switch between gay and aro for xyr sexuality headcanon. i also wildly switch between amab enby and transmasc. either way he's not romantically into women, and he's not cis. generally i use he/xe pronouns for xem.
leo 🤝 piper
hahaha yes.... the opposite gender.... who i am attracted to....
frank: transmasc nonbinary, they/he pronouns, also i switch between pan and gay for his sexuality headcanon, currently i say pan. anyways they only rlly realized they were trans when they were 14, even so it took a while to both accept it and stop feeling like he was faking it. he came out when he was 15, with his mom's death and everything his life had kind of snowballed and so he kind of screamed it at grandma zhang. he had already picked out frank for himself by then. as far as sexuality goes, he was already pretty sure of their attraction to all genders they realized they were trans.
hazel: lesbian, dating lacy, literally the softest out there and always knew she wasnt into men. but also badass as fuck, stan hazel.
WHILE ON THE TOPIC: lacy: very bi, lean towards men generally, also a trans girl
silena: pan as fuck, had a crush on clarisse because ruegard rights.
clarisse: bi and ace, [also "bi, fly and ready to die"]
i have my mitchell headcanons post, love that bi baby.
miranda: t/t nonbinary, lesbian, also not lgbt related but theyre yoreme (indigenous people in northern mexico)
charlie beckendorf: trans & bi. he is also like, THE person youd go to if you needed advice on gender identity related things.
grover: that boy invented pansexuality and we all love him.
rachel: aroace, she/her nonbinary
lou ellen; no gender only lesbian (any pronouns)
dakota: no gender only gay (also any pronouns)
n e ways thats all i have for now, stay tuned for more
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calm-me-down-oh · 4 years
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How about all the questions ;)
skdsjf ofc u would get me back for that, under a readmore bc theres a lot!
When was the last time you masturbated? Yesterday! Had a.. very hot convo w my gf
Do you enjoy being fingered/fingering? Uhh the only time Ive had it done to me the person had to stop bc they got uncomfy with it and it was overall just a bit odd,, wait it happened a second time and their nails were too sharp also sdkfhsdh I feel like I could get to like it though? If its like, actually properly done rather than my current experiences sdhfk
How do you feel about food during sex? nno thanks mostly? I guess it can kinda depend on the food though idk, like if my gf suggested somethin I might not mind trying it out depending on what it was yknow
What do you do directly after sex? um.. well afaik just kinda lay/sit in a daze for a moment, mayb have some water, get real clingy, kind of have to be nudged into doing stuff bc i guess my brain just stops working skjdfkj
Cuddle with the tip in? Hell yeah. cuddle with it all in. sounds good.
What’s the nastiest sexual thing you’ve done? I don’t think I’ve really done anything nasty sdjkfsj all the sex ive had has been quite brief and vanilla idk
Name a follower you would fuck. @you-better-make-me!
Name a follower you have fucked. None..
What’s the sexiest part of your body? Idk man I guess my thighs are ok people seem to like them anyway
FuckMarryKill: DJ Khalid, Rick Ross, Fat Joe Am i supposed to know who these people are
Would you ever be with a trans person? i think the real question is would i ever be with a cis person (yes i would be with a trans person i am with 2 trans people and i am trans and i havent dated anyone cis since i was like 15)
Riding dick or doggy style? yes
Ever fucked in a school? Nope
Most random place you’ve had sex? havent really had sex in a random place lmao just beds
Would you ever be part of the mile high club? maybe..? thats having sex on a plane right. idk. maybe
Name three of your spots. what does this mean fkjd
Fuck on the first date? Depends
Do you suck dick? I’m sure gonna try!
Do you eat ass? Idk maybe not skdfjhsjk
Do you eat pussy? Haven’t yet, nearly did, got too nervous sdkjfh
Do you like kissing? So much!!
Is farting during sex sexy? I.. I mean its not sexy but like im also not gonna have a negative reaction. unless its me. that is something im admittedly very nervous about fkjd
Ever fucked in the shower? Nope
How old were you when you lost your virginity? Uh............ good question. 19 or 20 i forget if it was before my birthday but within the last year. unless you only count penetrative sex, then I haven’t yet
Do you prefer sex in the morning, afternoon, or night? Y..yes? I suppose afternoon/night is usually a better time, morning is jsut sleepy and trying to remember how to exist hours
Do you like drunk sex? Haven’t had it but I do get horny when I drink, wouldn’t be against trying it with someone I trust
Do you like high sex?  Again never had it! And I haven’t really been high either so Idk
FuckMarryKill: Nicki Minaj; Cardi B; Kash Doll N..none for any
When was your first kiss? I was like 13 I think
How did you meet the person you lost your virginity to? College
Have you ever faked an orgasm? Nope. Wait maybe. Kind of. Idk when I was younger I was with this guy who would try get me to touch myself n I hadn’t figured out how to make it feel good so I’d just lie and say I was when i wasnt bc i didnt wanna do it so maybe at some point i said i came when i hadnt sdfhks
Ever painted/been painted on? Yeah but not in like a horny way, my ex would paint on my hand as kinda their way of flirting with me
You like sex toys? Sure
What’s your favorite sex position? Personally think missionary is underrated bc that closeness and being able to cling just sounds v good but also getting fucked from behind face down ass up also sounds,, v good lately
Sex on a bed, couch, or floor? beddd, maybe couch, floor just seems uncomfortable
Do you like car sex? Never had it, just seems a bit awkward but I guess I’d be open to trying it
You get instantly horny; what happened? My neck got bit!
FuckMarryKill: Trey Songz, Chris Brown, August Alsina. Kill chris brown. idk who the others are
Describe your crush. Don’t have one!
Woukd you ever be with someone with an incurable STD? Uh... Idk? I mean, theres preventative measures for basically all std’s right? So as long as those are taken so i dont also get it I guess it’d be ok
Rate your head game. No clue dkfhdsj
Rate your sex. Awkward!
Would you fuck someone outside of your race? ?? yes. what kind of question is this
Describe the type of freak you are. idk what this means but what first came to mind was ‘pet’ so take that as u will
Ever tasted your own nut/cum? Sure
Into golden showers? Nope
Body count: Under or Over 25? Wayyy under
How do you feel about nipple play? Uh depends! Not into being harsh like clamps etc just seems like itd hurt n not in a good way, but playing w/ them w ur hands and sucking on them. very good
Where do you like to be nutted on? chest/stomach seems good
Which are you better at: topping or bottoming? bottoming
What do you consider “too small?” Idk man dick is dick idc
Is play fighting foreplay? It sure can be!
Do you like angry sex? In concept maybe, in reality itd just kinda scare me
How long should a quickie be? Idk.. quick
How long is “too long” to have sex? Idk sex ends whenever one of u wants to stop, don’t think u can go too long if ur both comfortable with it
How long is “too long” to go without sex? Listen i.. am not the person to be asking this I’ve had sex maybe 3 times spread out over almost a year. i have never regularly had sex
Is “no” relevant in a relationship? Incredibly relevant!! Always!! Unless you’ve discussed beforehand that its ok to ignore it and have a safeword in place instead!! and then that safeword is not to be ignored!!
Do you believe in no-strings-attached sex? Sure but idk if i could do it
Would you have sex in a public bathroom? mmmaybe....
Would you have sex in a changing room? mmmmmmmmaybe
Who was the last person you had sex with? My ex
Describe your type. Idk I have the weirdest type i think they have like nothing in common then theyll all turn around and be into the same stuff or something its v strange
Name 3 turn-ons. Biting, just making out sometimes tbh, skin contact in places usually covered by clothes or under clothes..
Name 3 turn-offs. Umm. i definitely have turn offs but whenever im asked my mind goes blank. I guess being overly rough, hair pulling im undecided on tbh, and oh i usually dont like having my ass smacked but idk if itd change if it were like.. in the middle of sex
Name something that would make you stop in the middle of sex. Bad pain or panicking or it seems like the other person is uncomfortable. or someones knocking on the door for some reason sdkfjs
Would you answer a phone call during sex? no omg
Would you ever pay for sex? Nah.
Would you accept money for sex? Uh. Maybe? Wouldnt ask for it tho
How do you typically feel after sex? Mostly affectionate and good, but w the last person i was with sometimes it seemed like they just wanted it over and done with so i would get kinda nervous and guilty over that,, idk
Do you like your body? Nah
Ever sent nudes? Yep
Have you ever cheated on someone? Yeah he was abusive
Have you ever been cheated on? Idk, maybe, wait i think the guy i cheated on tried saying he cheated on me too but idk if he was just trying to get back at me so
Would you have a threesome? If I trust the people sure
Would you have a foursome? Same as above
Would you take part in an orgy? Uhh idk maybe, same as above applies tho
Would you let’s train be ran on you? Again if I trust the people yeah sure
How often do you masturbate? Idk it really depends sometimes im really horny and its like daily maybe more than once a day and then sometimes i just dont for like. a while
Sex with the lights on or off? on.. how are u meant to see what ur doing otherwise sdjkhfs
Sex with music or tv in the background? Sure, idc really. Though i have a thing if its like.. kids stuff.........dont do that..........
Do you have a cousin you’d fuck if you weren’t related? wtf no
In your last relationships, rate the sex? Uhh... good? I mean, good at the time, though like i said sometimes felt a bit rushed, and that now makes sense and i have very mixed feelings on it but mostly guilt bc the person i was with has since said they werent really into it. so.
Do you sleep naked? Nah I at least have underwear on
How often do you go commando? Never
Are your nipples pierced? If not, would you get them pierced? Nope
Do you dive right into sex, or converse first? Uh, depends? Talking about it beforehand or even during can be good though. But i guess it doesnt have to be Right before it, it can be a bit in advance
After taking your clothes off, what’s the first move? Kiss.. touch,, etc,,
Do you make the first move? Um. w my ex i kinda had to bc as i said, i later found out they werent really into it. other than that i generally dont tho bc im very nervous abt all that, kinda especially after that discovery hdfbghf
Have you ever had sex with more than one person in a day? Nope
Do you like dryhumping ? Sure
Can you twerk or do a split on a dick? Probably not
Have you ever been recorded during sex? No but I’ve had a dream abt being recorded sucking someones dick it was weird
Do you watch porn during sex? W. who does that. how can u focus on that. why would u watch sex when ur having sex skdjfhsjdk
After fucking, do you try becoming friends with a one night stand? Never had a one night stand
What’s your kink? Praise! Marking! Collars!
Would you hook up with the same hook-up again? I don’t think i could have a hook up tbh so no
Ever made a relationship from a one night stand? nope
How romantic are you during sex? uh.. idk havent rly had chance to try being romantic during sex but soft sex sounds v good imo
Describe your sex in 5 words or less. in my experience so far? nervous and kinda awkward
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langst-wins · 5 years
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the last thing i'm gonna say about voltron, unintentional queerbaiting, and major s8 plotholes, and then imma shut up and let y'all be free from my long bitch ass s8 posts so we can get back to regularly scheduled klance fanfics & fanarts
yes, they queerbaited us with shiro as rep. not in the sense that he wasn't queer but in the sense that they hyped us up for his relationship with adam, made us think we were gonna see an adashi reunion, and we ended up getting like 90 seconds top of LGBT content over the entire series.
no, I highly doubt they did it intentionally. yes, they did admit they fucked up and apologized several times. yes, I appreciate the apology and I understand that they're human beings and people make mistakes and overlook things sometimes. like they said, they never meant to make anyone feel baited. they really thought they were going to get a good response. lauren called voltron a "learning experience" in the open letter to the fandom after s7. I think she meant learning experience in general ofc but I think she also meant they've learned how to and how not to do LGBT rep in a show.
but I will absolutely be taking any promises of LGBT rep from lm and jds with a grain of salt. i will absolutely be watching their future works from afar and not getting myself too invested until the series ends and I can watch it as a whole while knowing what to expect.
I dont think they MEANT harm but y'all...they fucked up. they know it, and they apologized. it shows maturity that they apologized in that open letter after s7 and at the final nycc panel, and again, I appreciate that.
but I would rather they have not said anything about LGBT rep, ever, and just let gay shiro be a nice surprise. then, the minimal rep we received would have been wonderful and a nice warm surprise instead of a huge disappointment. it was only a disappointment because it didn't live up to the hype they made for it. and I know the hype was partially due to marketing they had no control over, but it was absolutely partially them, too.
they didn't promise LGBT content in LoK and canon korrassami ended up being a nice surprise even though it was minimal. that was how they SHOULD have done shiro's sexuality if they knew it was going to be a small thing. I would rather they have kept their lips zipped about LGBT, not announced gay shiro ahead of time, and just it be what it was when seasons 7 and 8 came out.
again, I dont think the bait was intentional, but it was bait all the same.
you are not crazy or too sensitive if your feelings are hurt/you feel baited by this show. you are not a shitty person if you just dont trust them right now. dont let people tell you otherwise. it's okay to take a step back from their work and wait to see how their next show plays out before you get involved.
i really do love voltron, even though s8 was confusing af, seasons 1-7 were LIT. I enjoy bits and pieces of s8 but mostly it was a let down. not only because of rep, just because a lot of things didn't make sense to me and a lot of the problem solving just felt way too convenient.
like I feel like every conflict in the plot was resolved way too easily and/or in ways that didnt make sense. and I feel like most of the characters' futures in the credits didnt really match up to those characters personalities. specifically lance, hunk, and keith.
lance staying on earth with his family, spreading allura's message to carry on her legacy? makes perfect sense, valid af. lance becoming a farmer? not so much. I feel like he would have been better suited as teaching classes as a pilot instructor at the garrison or smth similar. altean lance still gave me whiplash and left me confused af but he looks so damn 👌👌👀👀🙌🙌😭 with his cute ass altean marks that I'm just gonna let that one go for the sake of aesthetic.
hunk becoming a chef? not ooc necessarily but I feel like he would have been better suited as a diplomat. y'know. ambassador to earth sort of thing.
keith aiding in recovery efforts and being a humanitarian (...alien-itarian...? idk). okay let's be real we all knew this edgy boi has a soft ass heart. I think hes just mature enough now to let his walls come down and not be afraid of caring ig. which is sweet and nice and all. but I feel like he wouldnt...JUST be doing that. like he would still want the battle and the adrenaline and the badass mf fight sequences. that's kinda his Thing.
shiro marrying a rando? I would have preferred adam to not die and them end up getting back together once shiro returned to earth. i just feel like there was no reason to kill off adam? shiro has already suffered so much, what was the point? but i'm not gonna hate on curtis bc we dont know jackshit about him and for all we know he could be a bombass dude. shiro looked happy tho and it's better than him being forever alone so I can hesitantly accept that ig. but on one condition and one condition only: their ship name must be shirts. if their ship name is not shirts then I dont want it
allura's death was pointless. i havent seen anyone disagree with this one so far. her life was full of suffering and then she died. like can we all just agree she was done dirty and it was entirely unnecessary.
dont come @ me with "you just dont like s8 bc your ship wasnt canon"
that's not it at all.
they could have made this season so amazing and still not have made klance canon. they could have left me disappointed in no klance but still happy because the finale made my heart go dynamite BOOM. I could have ended the last episode with no canon klance and still been smiling because the plot was bitchin' and the characters were all alive and happy.
but they didnt, so I wasnt. it just...wasnt a good season. it had good aspects, yes, but as a whole? meh.
season 8 was poorly handled. it really was. it had so much potential to end with EVERY character having a positive ending and still have an actual satisfying conclusion to the war. I know they wanted to show how heavy and serious and heartbreaking the war actually was, but you can make an emotional, heavy finale without killing off a main character and leaving her main character love interest lonely and grieving. like im sorry killing allura and leaving lance sad and lonely was not necessary at all to the plot it just flat out wasnt. they did those characters dirty and they did allurance shippers even dirtier.
allurancers cheered seeing their ship canon then had it ripped out from under them and my heart honestly grieves worse for my allurance and allura stan fam than my klance fam. they did y'all so wrong and i'm sorry it had to go down like that.
sheith shippers got fucked over when all that development and relationship and growth culminated into basically nothing in the final season. like as a broganes stan even i was taken aback by the sudden radio silence between them so I cant imagine how let down actual sheith shippers feel.
us adashi shippers? obvious. adam's death was not necessary. and dont tell me it was to show the heaviness and realness of death in war because vld does NOT have a track record of dead characters staying dead. they could have at least gave us some mild development with shirts (lmfao im so sorry but shirts) and let us see more of curtis as a character. like...literally just two 60 second scenes would have been nice. they could have easily fit that in.
us klancers got fucked over by unnecessary parallels to canon ships. they could have made it a cute platonic friendship in s8 and let us enjoy it and proceed to enjoy fanon klance without all those blatant parallels to shay/hunk that just left us confused. and the parallels in earlier seasons. like why did you have to make so many parallels to romantic moments and romantic tropes if it was platonic. why did you have to go and do that. what was the point.
s8 could have ended in such a way that shippers of every ship in the fandom were satisfied with the finale because their faves were treated right and the plot was fire. it had so much potential in the first half and could have been so damn good.
it wasnt though. the entire thing was so confusing and nothing about it felt like vld. It feels like a spin off or a reboot. I dont like s8 as a whole and I doubt I ever will. it might grow on me in time but I'll never fully like it, y'know. everything about it felt so tilted and off and just wrong.
but it really just be like that sometimes ig.
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matazz · 3 years
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entries
diary entries of roy endoza
here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.
‪entry 47‬
‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.
i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void
of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions
confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.
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Text
his name....is not finn.
at like 2:40 a.m. i meet a guy on grindr. this guy hits on me in the typically angry and abrasive fashion i have designed my profile to solicit from men of a certain variety, and so we get to talking then wind up on camera, me expecting the same shit as usual....in between midnight meeting with strange men in unknown and unsafe places, i get my need to self destruct and overcome the mind numbing boredom of sociopathic lack of fear satisfied by getting even more men off over the internet on camera... and then, last night happened.
his name, is not finn.
its robert. but he gies by finn. finn has four les pauls, recording machines...the works an entire worling fucking studio. lives in middle tennesse but has been to atlanta many times bc HE ACTUALLY PLAYS MUSIC MIDTOWN EVERY YEAR SINCE 2013 im watching the shit behind him on camera, the house hes in, the guitars on the walls, the records hanging around the cords and amps and pedals... and hes alone. he lives alone, its his place. FINN IS 23. thats all. 23. he got into it all, along with a little band that came from Knoxville tennessee in 2009 named 10 Years...who if u follow rock, u have to know. this is a massivelt succsesfull mainstream alternative rock act. one of my favorite bands.
so here we are.
its five a.m. were still talking, not fucking.
about music and art and finns ideas on sexuality not being real.
odd for someone whos telling me they wanna grudge fuck me bc i have extintential philosophers words tattoos up my arm, and then jump from a well worded rape fanatasy back to intellectual artistic expresssionary approach debate and metjod, use, deploymwnt methods and how they more prolifically provide correct walls of sound they assail the sensations of emotions in pattern sufficient to stimulate a response.
and were talking, then its almost six.
finn has to leave for "work" soon.
hes recording one of the three bands he plays in this a.m.
here i am, on cam talking like were actually getting to know, and enjoy knowing who each other are, with this man
a sound engineer for 10 Years touring company.
Actually. what the actual fuck is happening right now.
he looks like youd expect, having seen these guys on t.v and all, hes tall...6'1 not super tall but taller.
hes stocky and has bushy curly short hair and a clean face, complete with black shirts, wrist bands, leather vest/whatever material that is... the typical rock guy look. and youngish. p young looking yeah.
and i could see it all his house was fucking unreal the shit in that house, the music, drum sets . bass processors, computers studio monitors mic stands... and just i forgot about itnall speaking to him for three and a half hours bc he thinks so fucking different from anyone ive met before him. completely challanges every basic assumption of society that he can.
but then has the self discipline to make this all happen by his age. has the real world common sence, the extraverted thinking to handle the nessesary tedium that makes it possible for this creative energy to become something, and be used and marketed and produce a way to live for himself.
he confounds me sideways. these two opposite people, one part myself, one part my opposite???
i almost tell myself he wants it worse then i do, but thats not it, it cant be it. id die for it.
i would do anything. id give anything, go anywhere, crawl to china. id lose anything, live anything, repeat this entire awful miserable unbearable horrific life ive had three times for it.
id do anything anything id go to the ends of the earth id forsake anyone, id suffer any loss to get just a moment of chance
a moment a single opportunity is all id need and i would light a fucking fire so large it would blind everyone involved.
so yeah i want this sound in my head out, and onto an album just as bad as him or anyone so its not that he wants it worse.
so what then? why is this kid able to be me, and then some...and also not be me enough to actually be living the life he is already?
is it bc its not real? is that it? make me feel better. tell me that i am valid since im tragic enough to
have this incredible talent and yet at the same time have it come from something inside so FUCKED that having it means never being known, never heard, never shine bright like the fact of my creative passion could, and be unlived, then die never having spoken to the world like i should have could have would have
bc im valid so. bc im better. make me feel better. tell me its bc i am REALLY fucked. not pretend fucked for the sake of fashion in rock. not forced or mimiced or copied. and thats what he is right bc if not he wouldnt be well enough to make this happen.
but then, i know its a lie.
i wanna believe it, but i know its a lie. a beautiful, perfect lie. bc i know if i got the part out of the way that cripples me, id still have the rest to write from and create from. and still be capable of what i have been since birth.
so...im lazy? am i lazy? internally, mentally lazy? like or just for aomeone who loves to take pride in their pain, am unable to take the pain of change inside that facilitates the construction of a life like finns... what is it? do i just watch finn now and wait for a secret thats never coming?
I HAVE A DREAM. A NIGHTMARE. ALL MY LIFE I HAVE HAD IT OVER AND OVER. IN IT I AM 70 YEARS OLD , THO ILL NEVER REALLY MAKE IT TO THAT AGE, THE IDEA REMAINS THAT MY LIFE HAS COME AND GONE AND IM GREY AND WRINKLED AND LIEING DOWN AS I GASP FOR BREATH AND THEN I SEE AROUND MY BODY FROM ABOVE
im alone. poor. broke. in beggars clothes. in the gutter, in the filthy city streets, in the cold in winter. im that homeless decay you pass for the smell and then i die there. and thats it. thats what i let happen. i let this go on unti, i ran out of time to change it, and i never did a rhing. never made it, never finally got the shit insode out, never began to burn bright, never started playing live, never recorded, never anything. the thing inside i have that i alone see the magnitude of, and would only have ever really shown to anyone through true sucsess, it never MEANT A F U C K I N G T H I N G A T A L L
now in this mornings call with finn, i begin to see that dream take shape in my reality. soon. its creeping with an slythe above its shoulder just behind me. im here alone like this. deluding myself that this little computer screen is somehow a substitute for a real relationship, delluding myself that i actually am this sad imaginary projection i want to be lercieved as in this fake little digital world. making due with this as if its even happening for real . as of anyone or any idea on this small machine in my lap is life, or love, or me, or actual.
but here where my body is, where i cant take a good picture of me to hide my age, where my personality disorders are, where i am weird and different , where i am an addict, where i am unconventional and do things others wont want near them bcmof the risk i bring to myself, where my body is. my real body .... here there is not a fucking person with or like me. i have some temporary help as i stumble foolishly through my fucked circumstamce from my family, that ofc is going aay everyday, as that nightmare i mentioned begins to take shape. bc they gonna die before me unless i take my death into my oen hands and then that nightmare i have will have shaped fully and begin looking me in the eyes.
so, here i am. 10 a.m.
fuck this guy.
hes sexy, he wants me, and hes my type as in in another life serious boyfriend material . no kids, no phobics, trans or homo, no issues seeing me as who i am, and then also my creative and intellectual counterpart. and hes not very far like a w hour drive. and alllllllll so it makes it feel odd bc he seems like the worst thing for me, that only this situation would develope the addition of feelings have no room for amidst my chaos... i need to be LESS in romance with ppl not fucking MORE... or have someone else establish those feelings for me either just either way..bad idea. and so fuck him
mean it fuck this guy.
fuck this finn, robert whatever and fuck his life
fuck his guitars.
like i needed this shit? i needed to see this? needed to know him? or to have him that, weird weird convo for that long ...the longest ive spoken to someone new in years at once , and not even wind up wanting me for a nut before he got off the vam etc... just fuck this shit.
but not that it seems like that with him, im a combo of not romantic at all, and already emotionally spoken for HARDCORE by aomeone i am trying and fightimg with all i can to stop, STOP being romantically attached to.. so.. no new fucked romance crap for me please. i mention it bc it seems like what happens to me usially, and for no other reason then that.
but as for what i am SURE OF WITH FINN..for tnat... F U C K him
reminding me that im more then shit, reminding me that im throwing away things thousands of people never get to have or would kil, to be able to do like i can. remininding me that im more then this 4 a.m. methamphetamine induced desperate attempt to distract myself from throwing myself away, and relive the pain again, once more, one ,ore gimme one more time always...always need one more sex session where i live out how my father never loved or accepted or appreciated me in my own head again, and keep that defining pain in Clear FUCKING FOCUS FOREVER. KEEP IT HERE. KEEP THAT PAIN HERE. RIGHT IN MY ARMS, CRADLE IT, CLOSE TO MY CHEST, CLOSE TO MY HEART , EMBRACE FEED NURTURE IT GROW IT, LET ITS POISON VINES GROW INTO MY SKIN AND FEED ME FILTH HAPPILY, always one more man, one more moment of disrespect, one more instamce of debasing myself to remind me why i ket myself almost die in a hospital last winter, why ill be sleeping in the cold wind again before spring, and why ill never walk right again or run at all. why im this old and sti,, here, remind me why im trapped by my that talent im so thoughtlessly wasting daily, and...
finn reminds me. fuck him.
he reminds me im doing it , in at least part, by choice.
he takes my excuse away. takes away my escape.
lies, inside lies, inside lies..... finn shows up at 3 a.m. when ur only awake to do things like throw away potential of this magnitude and destroy your human body.
invades my momemt of distraction from the truth of how responsible i really am for this now, and reminds me that
its still out there. the chance i wanted, the opportunity to get the music out and realize that potential ratner then become that 25 year nightmare i have in my future currently...
tne hope, the possibility, the chance to burn finally
burn bright like a star, and shine so hard i can be seen for miles and miles by millions of people
its stil, out there.
fuck finn. i didnt need to remember that.
bc i am what i predict, i am what i know i will do. i am what i will and i dont have that other thing he does. common sense, extraverted thinking, strength to rid myself the demons so i can at least get it going. i dont have it, and im to terrified to let go the crutch ive found that gets me by with the maniac mind i carry and endure. i am not him, and i can not gather the strength to face the world without my crutch so i can then rise to the talent i toss in the trash more each day. i wont even consider it. its all ive got here. its all ive found through all this bullshit life thats made it even half way tolerable. and weather for my own better, weather i be to weak to sacrafice, weather i be to cowardice to dare to even attempt, or be to patnetic to for once FOR ONE TIME TAKE SOME PAIN FOR MY BENEFIT RATHER THEN MY DESTRUCTION.... even if its all true and i am very very responsible for how this hapoens here...
its ok.
bc that just makes me real right? and ive got that. and ill have it now, the rest of the way, to finish the ride,
all of the ride. ill have it. the truth, il. have that i was so cursed and gifted by the same thing that it overcame itself in me
and il. have that genuine authenticity, il. have that close as i finish this ride. the rest of the way.
all of the way.
all the
FuCkINg wAy DOWN
down down down down the only place im gonna go
and il. see finn from underneath, and everyone else who heard of or knew me from below
where i will burn in hell
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jonghyyn · 7 years
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iyo when you write non-straight characters should you specify their sexuality/gender? I mean I'm personally a very 'not into labels at all' person for my own sexuality but support ppl who do find comfort in labels. but when I write I also tend to go toward the 'he just loves who he loves !!!' that sounded stupid but idk how to explain it.. so... like I was wondering why you feel strongly about explicitly stating someone's queerness instead of it being implied (at least u come off as that sorta)
i do definitely feel like that so!! i happen to have a lot of feelings about this so get ready for a Long Ramble. this is a precaution before ive even started typing i just know im gonna write a lot
i think before we start saying anything, we’ve got to acknowledge the difference between people who say that they dont like labels, and writing characters who Don’t Like Labels™. pointing out the problems of the latter is not a condemnation of the former. if someone rly doesnt feel like labeling their sexuality or gender, thats totally alright. the difference between these two is the person is a nuanced, multifaceted human being who may have lots of personal reasons for feeling that way, while the second is a fictional character that is Created and informed by cultural views of the creator. a person is not “created” by one single author and characters arent like…real living agents that have their Own Free Will, they are what their creators make of them. anyway i just feel like this is a rly important distinction that gets lost often!! i’m also more willing to look favorably on someone who self describes that way writing characters based on their own experiences, bc this perspective is inherently different from a straight person writing these sorts of characters. but moving on. 
whats also important to understand, beyond writing characters, is how being openly not straight is shunned. queer people are not allowed to Exist as openly queer and they have not been allowed historically. even these days among people who consider themselves progressive, you’ll often hear that “its alright if someone is gay but do they have to shove it in my face all the time.” this attitude isnt somehow formed in vacuum, but created in a society that treats been openly queer as a taboo. we aren’t allowed to be open about our sexualities the way straight people are. we can’t acknowledge that we’re queer lest someone tells us to Stop Shoving It In Their Face (not missing the irony as we’re surrounded by 400 billboards of hetero couples everywhere). i dont wan’t to delve into other aspects of discrimination and get too off track here, i just want to focus on how being Openly queer is treated as a taboo, particularly among people who still want to call themselves ‘accepting.’ the only way society allows queer people to exist is if they never remind anyone, Ever that they are not straight.
this is Integral to understanding why the i Don’t Like Labels characters are so frustrating. the unwillingness to Explicitly talk about queer people carries over quite handily to media. the same faux progressive people that demand queer people never talk about being queer bc its Too Much Information, will praise queer coded characters that hint at their sexuality but never confirm it. the reason these characters are written is not to genuinely explore why someone might feel uncomfortable with applying labels to themselves, but to appease people who will accept queerness as long as they never have to acknowledge it. this way, u can court queer people interested in representation And people who might like the story but will be uncomfortable with explicit queerness. its an attempt for writers to cash in on peoples desires for interesting queer characters without ever actually fully committing to representing them. you dont get to claim to support queer people if ur also out there providing comfort for peoples homophobia. you cant have a foot in both doors. 
describing queer experiences without calling them queer means that youre okay with this story as long as u dont acknowledge it as something Explicitly not straight and like…why?? why is it suddenly not okay when u take that bundle of experiences and use the word that theyre defining?? theres Weight behind using words like bi, gay, lesbian and if u reject them are u Really okay with lgbtq people? or are you okay with them Despite the fact that theyre lgbtq and not because you take into account theyre lgbtq. acceptance is not tolerating people Despite something, its acknowledging it and validating it as an okay thing to be. especially when it is something that historically Not been validated as okay. dismantling structural systems of queerphobia does not go about by ignoring queerphobia…shit this doesnt just fade away by chance, it takes active work. and part of this active work is Acknowledging Peoples Queerness As Something that is okay Out In The Open. the You in this isnt directed at you anon, just people who have these sentiments. 
throwing vague statements like ‘they just love who they love’ Also creates this level of ambiguity. you might say “well why do u need the certainty when ur describing what is at the very least, something obviously very not straight” and to that i say youd be fucking surprised at how goddamn hard straight people will try to erase the queerness out of a character. like i’m going to use a game called life is strange as a example. i’ll give some background: in the game, the main character max can romance both chloe and warren. note that max is not one of those blank state wholly customisable bioware-esque player characters, she has a personality outside of the choices u make. anyway, the conclusion that is Logically drawn from this is that she is most likely bisexual. or at the very least in some way, not straight. and Yet i have seen discussions that say “she doesnt have a set sexuality it just depends on the playthrough so shes not rly a Queer Character.” even more than that, ive seen people that saw “well even in the chloe one shes not necessarily gay or bi maybe shes just Making an Exception for chloe bc their relationship transcends sexuality” and like ??? Why??? why cant she just be bi?? even when given a queer romance, why do u try and interpret it in a way that sets her up as straight?? ive seen people say “its not a romance its just something that Transcends Words” as if this is… mutually exclusive from being a romance. like… Why doesnt this happen when hetero relationships are depicted?? ive literally never seen someone say “u know, maybe hes not attracted to women and just Making an Exception so hes not straight” why dont u see people try to erase the romance aspect out of hetero romances by claiming their relationship is “Beyond Words.” this treatment is 1000% only ever afforded to queer characters. this attempt to play off romance as not rly romantic is only done to queer characters, even if its done subconsciously. people will Refuse to accept a character is queer as fuck if you dodge around it, because heteronormativity is so ingrained in every interaction that even obviously queer characters get filtered through this lens. the problem with this isnt necessarily apparent until u look at it within historical context, where queer people are repeatedly not allowed to be openly queer. these arent isolated incidents, but manifestations of the idea that queer people shouldnt ever be open about their sexuality. youve got to tackle the discomfort that people have with words like gay/lesbian/bi/etc
i think this particular character trope wouldnt bother me so much if it wasnt like… the only narrative ever present. time and time again, i have to see characters proclaim that they dont like labels while never once even hearing people breathe the word bisexual. if it existed alongside characters who were explicitly queer it would be less frustrating But its literally one of the few ways (semi positive attempts at least) queer characters are ever portrayed. this is particularly true for bisexual characters lmao like… yes…theres people who dont like labels…but theres also millions of bi people that just wanna see a fucking bi character Talk about being bi and all we ever get is a vague “i dont like labels” (that is often never explored further than that and treated as a throwaway line anyway). is creating characters who say that a genuine attempt to characterize someones struggles with labels or is it just a way to avoid saying the word Bisexual.
same with queer romance in media. its only ever Okay if u just hint at it- see dumbledore being gay. see- the korrasami thing (though i dont fault the writers for this bc they pushed hard for what they got, its issues with the network). why are queer people relegated to drawn out stares that May imply something while straight characters are allowed to get into explicit relationships. when u create ambiguous characters that May be interpreted as straight (even if youve really gotta stretch) ur prefer to maintain the negative “neutral” of the heteronormative status quo and allow homophobes to live with their views unchallenged more than u care about addressing queerness in characters. 
 its not a coincidence that we dont do this to straight romance or straight characters. this is particularly important for queer kids!! its good to see queer characters out there being openly queer. while me and u can often pick up on queer themes and narratives, a 8 year old is not going to get that. especially when theyve been conditioned to see straight romance as the only feasible choice. they wont realize the character youre writing is gay or bi or whatever Because they havent been exposed to the connotations we associate w certain phrases. its so important for queer kids to see queer characters Owning that theyre queer. its especially importantly to normalize words like gay or bi or pan. being gay is often Extremely hypersexualized (which is why so many people will tell u they dont care what u do in the bedroom bc they can only picture queerness is a sexual context) so when u Dont treat these words as things only adults can say, u help get rid of the stigma surrounding them. u help remove the idea that being queer is inappropriate for kids to hear about and that the only possible aspect to being queer is sexual. 
anyway this has been Quite the Ramble but the point is that yes, we need to write more characters who are absolutely explicit about their sexuality and move away from the expectation that queer people need to create euphemisms to comfort homophobes desires to never hear about queerness.
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