#even if he does love his family it's a selfish love. there's nothing self sacrificial about it

[lackablazeical]

General Addams! FAQ -

1. Why does Leo hate Big Mama?

He understands how narcissistic and manipulative she is. Everything she does is for her own gain, including the relationships she tries to foster with her family. Leo can see pretty clearly how much sway she holds over his father, Mikey, and Donnie, despite the fact that she does not really love them. He thinks her motives are selfish and all her words and actions are deceitful, and he despises her for it.

2. Why does Big Mama want Leo to like her?

Mama sees Leo as the most talented, deadly, and charismatic of her children. He would be an absolutely perfect champion for her Nexus, and she wants nothing more than to be able to manipulate and control him into being her ideal poster child.

3. Why does Mikey hate Usagi so much?

As crass and abrasive as Mikey is, he loves his brothers. He likes spending time with them, and wants nothing more than to earn their attention and affection. Mikey sees Usagi as an obstacle that has disrupted that ideal dynamic: a trespasser in the family who completely monopolizes Leo’s attention, even though it is absolutely not Usagi’s choice.

Rational thinking is not the strong suit of any Hamato in the Addams universe, and so Mikey fails to acknowledge that the real problem lies with Leo’s behavior. Mikey idolizes Leo too much, and would never want to blame him or imagine that he might choose to spend time with someone else over Mikey. Therefore, Mikey pins all the blame (and all his ire) unfairly on Usagi.

4. Does Usagi ever learn to love Leo?

No.

Usagi is not stupid. He understands how abusive Leo is, and how unhealthy their dynamic is. He also knows what Leo is capable of, and what it could mean for himself and his family if he tries to leave. (Leo would lash out and likely hurt or kill someone.)

Deep down, Usagi also believes that he has earned this punishment for failing his family so spectacularly. He stays, not because there is anything redeeming about Leo or any hope of the relationship developing into anything healthy, but because he has reached a point of hopelessness that he deserves anything better.

5. Does Usagi ever escape his situation?

The Addams Universe is a dark and tragic one. The creators have discussed a few different options for Usagi’s storyline, based on the character’s personalities and motivations. Unfortunately, none of them end well.

The most likely scenario is that Usagi remains in the abusive situation with Leo indefinitely, and that he slowly deteriorates in both body and mind. His honorable, self-sacrificial tendencies means that he sees this as his lot in life, just another manifestation of the Miyamoto curse that he must bear. And Usagi’s choice to remain ensures that Leo will never victimize anyone else.

6. If Leo had to choose between his brothers and Usagi, who would he be most loyal to?

His brothers. As obsessed as he is with Usagi, Leo would still choose his brothers in a heartbeat.

7. How would Leo react if Usagi died?

He would be completely devastated.

Leo is so fully invested in his relationship with Usagi that the loss is something he might never recover from. He would still be constantly thinking about Usagi and talking about him, bouncing between loudly lamenting the loss and denying that Usagi is really gone. His temperament would likely become even more volatile.

He would be incapable of moving on or forming new relationships, because he would forever be comparing anyone else to his perfect view of Usagi.

8. What is the 'Miyamoto Curse'?

The Miyamoto Curse is a legend that many rabbit yokai believe in, one that they think explains the tragedies and misfortunes that constantly befall the Miyamoto clan. It has persisted for generations, to the point where its origin has been either forgotten or fabricated. Within the Addams Universe storyline, here are some examples of how the curse has affected Usagi and his immediate family:

Grand Lady Fuwa Miyamoto (Usagi’s great-grandmother) - almost completely blind, suffers unreliable mystic visions, lost all her children and a grandson

Gennosuke Miyamoto (aka Gen, Usagi’s father) - lost his younger brother, trapped in a loveless marriage

Ishida Miyamoto (Usagi’s older brother) - failed as Chuunin, suffers incurable physical and spiritual ailment

Usagi Miyamoto - failed as Chuunin, suffered permanent injury and scarring, died and resurrected, self-imposed exile

Kenichi Miyamoto (Usagi’s younger brother) - lost a hand

9. Would Donnie/Mikey/Raph be sad if Ishida/Kenichi/Chizu died?

Yes. Each turtle considers their respective bunny a close friend that they would be devastated to lose.

[welcometoteyvat]

characterization/headcanons masterlist?????????

baizhu: self-sacrificial yet selfish. pale, slight eyebags, crows feet, easily bruised (thin skin + anemia. L), sometimes uses a cane. surprisingly good with kids (see: ningguang) and despite everything else, has a nice, soothing voice. sometimes his smiles don't reach his serpent eyes. relentlessly pursues the greater good, no matter how many rights and wrongs get tangled together in the process, but tends carefully to each life under his care, far more than his own. patient, but doesn't suffer fools; kind, but sometimes a bit sadistic. pursues personal immortality, no matter the suffering he will face (re: xiaos warning), for the sake of the thousands of other lives that he might save. at his core, would like to save everyone, whatever it takes—and more importantly, has the confidence and (hubris?) arrogance to believe that saving everyone is possible. altruistic to a fault. does not believe in destiny.

shenhe: fierce, straightforward about things that mortal customs dictate you should be more subtle about. Childish, but only to an extent. feels like if you were empty inside but it feels like Something should be there, if only you could reach deep enough inside yourself to pull it to the light. feels deeply but sometimes vaguely, and uses interesting metaphors to describe her emotions sometimes. the thought of doing anything in halves has never crossed her mind. in that way she's as sincere and honest as her nephew. fuzzy on honorifics and titles, but understands deeply the concept of repaying kindnesses. still learning about the human world, but instinctively or by her own efforts, already understands most emotions—they are one of her few links to the mortal world. on some level, she gets people, but the detailed customs and laws that people have layered on top of raw feeling and direct action sometimes confuse her—there are too many unnecessary conventions that need to be followed to get to effectively the same end.

xiangling: mom is somewhere traveling, making a compendium of teyvat's herbs and medicines, and helping people, comes back occasionally to visit her and her dad. both her parents are bursting at the seams with love, and she is too—they have always taught her that the world is her oyster, and she knows that when they chide her to "be careful, don't get carried away, try not to break another pot", they mean well, and wholeheartedly want her to succeed. has never truly gotten burnt out, because the world is too full of potential for her to get tired of it yet. her dad has Yelled yelled at her at some point though, probably for an explosion, but she has always been earnest enough that he forgives her. 100% plays recipes by ear. semi-illiterate—can't read flowery writing/classic literature. xingqiu read an ancient epic to her and chongyun and she fell asleep, while chongyun said it was dull and "if your novel turns out like that, you should stop publishing". CANONICALLY STUDIES UNDER MADAME PING; i feel like i forget this. wholeheartedly believes food (and/or a listening ear) solves all problems, and her presence is like a cheerful welcoming fire after a long day. makes friends with all gods. may not understand everyone's feelings all the time, but tries her best, because she doesn't half-ass her friends' troubles, and gives down-to-earth advice.

chongyun: uses teachings of diligence. family uses catalysts mostly—claymore was for physical strength. translations make me die: "heart clear as ice, face like freezing frost". nothing if not sincere and honest, and fairness is very important to him. sticks to a rigid schedule of 3 meditations per day, followed by martial arts training, and/or spirit hunting/exorcising. has a mental complex about not putting in enough "work" (self defined) to achieve a certain outcome—hates taking the easy way out, even if it's already been hard enough. obedient and follows all contracts and conventions to a T, including adepti summoning. somehow likes listening to liu su's stories, but can't tell when the book we describe to him in the teapot is fictional (inconsistency? tbd). unsure of himself—still trying to form his ideal self, which is still nebulous and quite rough around the corners. dreamless sleep from yang energy. wip

hu tao: wistful about her grandfather's death—it's a natural part of living, so why was she still sad? enough years have mellowed her grief, but still has one thing she never got to say. playful and teasing, drops hints that she knows things far beyond what she's supposed to, especially when you least expect it. whimsy beyond whimsy, and sees no reason to drop childish antics when they make her happy. lanky body, prankster hands that are always cold, plays with her rings when bored. on the pale side, and her eyes are like january's vermillion plum blossoms in a courtyard full of snow. thinks out of the box, extremely creative, has very colorful metaphors, and quick witted; has roasts for days. wip

xingqiu: a copper coin hides in the corner of his smile. still roleplaying a hero, never gave up on his child self's dream. narrates his inner monologue like a romance (ie romance of the 3 kingdoms), chivalrous yet shirks his actual familial duty. wip, too many thoughts and not enough words

yanfei: SOMETHING ABOUT HER DAD IDK. mom hcs tbd. civil cases are her literal nightmare. despite this, has good knowledge of how to coerce and push people to admit to what they did, pretty adept at understanding human inconsistencies and motives. easy to talk to, and a very quick learner (manages to replicate yelan's illusion dispel within a day at most). a little bit of a weirdgirl. doesn't have a complex about her half-adeptal heritage unlike ganyu, and simply sees it as a perk. wip

to be added onto

#my head's going to explode if i keep my headcanons and characterizations in my head only. so now this is here. #for personal reference #if you say the girls are too shallowly written in canon: you can always make them rounder if you try hard enough. also theyre literally my #daughters so shut up

[verlaines-corner-archive]

i agree with pathetic fyodor anon about fyodor being a virgin, not only he overworks himself to the point of being careless about his own needs he also has one goal that keeps him detached from what he wants for himself too. therefore it must be hard for him to open himself up and create intimate relationships with others when he's only focused on an idealization, chasing his promised land.

"he probably doesnt even know how he likes to be loved since its unnecessary for his perfect sinless world, that's why he seems self-sacrificial to me rather than someone who is grounded and knows what the best for himself, he is setting himself aside and putting the world as his priority while his own self remain untouched and hungry, and all this sacrifice for a sinful vile world too it's sad to think about it actually”

I agree with you fully here anon, I’ve always thought the same of him.

His goal is definitely one that causes detachment, because it not only places no focus on himself, but none on the individual either. It groups people together, creates an “us vs them” mentality with one of the problems here being that Fyodor’s on the side that he wants to destroy, thus devaluing himself in the process as well. Which makes sense, we can assume that Fyodor hates his own ability, and that his goal is one of self destruction.

Of course him overworking comes into this as well, going until he can’t because his goal is one that is almost impossible, one that requires constant attention and sacrifice. Whether that sacrifice is of people, such as the countless henchmen he has at his disposal, or of his own health. Lack of sleep, not eating, and so on.

There is also the problem that due to the nature of how he goes about his goal and the goal itself, that he can’t actually afford to be vulnerable either. He has to be weary of everyone, because anyone could be out to get him. So he cannot connect, because the slightest bit of vulnerability could result in his entire life’s work crumbling down, taking him along with it. He can only rely on himself and his ability.

His ability is also one that inherently devalues human life. He is able to kill anyone, no matter how powerful, in one touch. Now we don’t know how Fyodor actually discovered his ability, but we could reasonably assume that it wasn’t pleasant. Abilities seem to manifest without warning at first and have been shown to be difficult to control. Given the nature of his ability we can assume it resulted in him killing someone at a young age, and who do kids have the most contact with? Their family.

Now I won’t go too far into his point, as once again we don’t know for certain what his youth was like, but we can assume that it was one of isolation. Which means that he never got the chance to reflect with another, whether that be about his goal, the world, or even his own ability. He has never had support, and all the support he does have currently is a result of his manipulation.

There is also the factor of his intelligence. He knows what people are thinking, what they’re going to do, maybe even before they do. He knows far too much, and due to this no one else is on his level. Even if he could understand them, they cannot return that understanding. 

There is also the obvious matter of his superiority complex, however I have always thought that to be more forced on him by circumstance as opposed to being something natural to him.

But even then the result is the same: the rest of humanity comes to mean nothing to him. They have been devalued fully, nothing more than ants that he can kill in a moment's notice. This all prevents any form of connection.

I would also agree with him being self-sacrificial. He gives his all to the goal of a peaceful world, and in a way that is incredibly selfless. The problem is that his goal - while noble - is one that is selfish. It removes the individual from the situation, only taking in his point of view and forcing what he thinks is best for the world on everyone else. 

Ultimately he believes himself to be doing the right thing, and I think that despite everything he does care for humanity, as sinful as it is. But it’s just a twisted deluded form of care, the product of a life of isolation and misfortune.

So yeah, there’s very little chance that that man has any form of experience, whether that be romantic or sexual, and I highly doubt there’s even been any platonic experience in there, at least none that has been genuine. He does not know how he likes to be loved because he has never been loved, and he has long since abandoned such things in favour of a new world.

#✧ library shelves ✧ #take it all with a grain of salt #'it has to be this way' started playing halfway through and that's so fitting #bsd #bsd fyodor #analysis #bsd analysis #bungo stray dogs #anyway hi welcome to me trying to voice my thoughts in a way that makes sense

[moonglittering]

expanding more on how vi navigates relationships. this one goes for relationships of all types. platonic, family, romantic. etc. but there was this reblogged text post on his old blog that i think went something like:

Sacrifice is a hollow sentiment We shouldn’t have to hurt and be in pain when we want to practice love Did you know that

and… yeah! virote’s not sacrificing anything for anyone. you can’t build a house while one side is getting the walls and roof built while the other half remains nothing but the frame. for him it just doesn’t work like that and he clearly has his hesitance on being sacrificial just for the sake of nurturing someone else. compromises are mostly win-win situations; both people come to see the issue from a broader perspective and then together form a solution that does not negate the beliefs or desires of either party. sacrifice, on the other hand, involves giving up something truly important, often in order to make another person happy.

to be honest, virote doesn’t have it in him to be sacrificial, considering he’s the one living with himself. that other person might leave. who knows. he’s prioritizing himself, either way.

that one phrase about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? yeah, he’s not about to do that lol. please help him build the house. don’t build the frame, put your hammer down, and then expect him to keep hauling bricks.

just don’t take this for selfishness. there’s nothing wrong with self-preservation. in fact, more people should practice it. even when they love someone. in his opinion, how are you going to properly love someone when you dismantle yourself for their sake? find a center, some self-respect, and some common sense.

thx 4 cominG 2 my Ted Talk .

#🌙 ABOUT! LET'S MEET ON A MOONLIT PATH. #/ hes hard to date because hes not like Fanfiction types of passion. hes very grounded. #/ and i guess its a turn off to some but lfdsjkfd.

[moonspower]

✨ keeping the lit match away—he's not going up in flames for you.

expanding more on how vi navigates compromise vs sacrifice in relationships. this one goes for relationships of all types. platonic, family, romantic. etc. but there was this reblogged text post on his old blog that i think went something like:

sacrifice is a hollow sentiment we shouldn’t have to hurt and be in pain when we want to practice love did you know that.

and… yeah! virote’s not sacrificing anything for anyone. you can’t build a house while one side is getting the walls and roof built while the other half remains nothing but the frame. for him it just doesn’t work like that and he clearly has his hesitance on being sacrificial just for the sake of nurturing someone else. compromises are mostly win-win situations; both people come to see the issue from a BROADER PERSPECTIVE and then together form a solution that does not negate the beliefs or desires of either party. sacrifice, on the other hand, involves giving up something truly important, often in order to make another person happy.

to be honest, virote doesn’t have it in him to be sacrificial, considering he’s the one living with himself. that other person might leave. who knows. he’s prioritizing himself, either way.

that one phrase about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? yeah, he’s NOT about to do that lol. please help him build the fire. bring the wood, he’ll clear a spot for it.

just don’t take this for selfishness. there’s nothing wrong with self-preservation. in fact, more people should practice it. even when they love someone. in his opinion, how are you going to properly love someone when you dismantle yourself for their sake? find a center, some self-respect, and some common sense.

thx 4 cominG 2 my Ted Talk .

it’s interesting because in 2017 when i started his blog he was VERY self-sacrificial. the core of his backstory, when he was a final fantasy x / x-2 oc, was sacrifice for the ones you love. but when he realized… he can’t love people if he’s fragmented. he has to be his whole, best self. and he can’t break off pieces of himself to do that. because the people that he feels the need to love and protect deserve 100% of him. not any less than that.

anything less than that would be a disservice to everyone, especially himself.

#🌙 ABOUT! CANCERIAN SUN SHINING IN THE EVENING. #/ he deserves the world!

[crystalpower]

✨ colors fade under a flourescent lamp / on the black and white of the chessboard, we met by chance

i got tagged in a ‘ what kind of i love you are you ’ quiz and i don’t like any of the results because they sound like they were made by someone who’s never loved maturely and with a sense of resolve and decorum. like. someone who’s perception of love is just shitty fanfiction. so i’ll explain in my own terms how vi loves.

vi’s initial result was about him doing literally anything for the person he loves. so expanding more on how vi navigates relationships like that... no. no he wouldn’t do absolutely anything for someone no matter how much he loved them. this one goes for relationships of all types. platonic, family, romantic. etc. there was this reblogged text post on his old blog that i think went something like:

Sacrifice is a hollow sentiment We shouldn’t have to hurt and be in pain when we want to practice love Did you know that

and… yeah! virote’s not sacrificing anything for anyone. you can’t build a house while one side is getting the walls and roof built while the other half remains nothing but the frame. for him it just doesn’t work like that and he clearly has his hesitance on being sacrificial just for the sake of nurturing someone else. compromises are mostly win-win situations; both people come to see the issue from a broader perspective and then together form a solution that does not negate the beliefs or desires of either party. sacrifice, on the other hand, involves giving up something truly important, often in order to make another person happy.

to be honest, virote doesn’t have it in him to be sacrificial, considering he’s the one living with himself. that other person might leave. who knows.

that one phrase about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? yeah, he’s not about to do that lol. please help him build the house. don’t build the frame, put your hammer down, and then expect him to keep hauling bricks.

just don’t take this for selfishness. there’s nothing wrong with self-preservation. in fact, more people should practice it. even when they love someone. and no love shouldn’t feel like a pang of hurt for him. if vi ever felt butterflies with someone he’d be quick to figure out that they’re not the right person. there’s no destiny, there’s no fate, there’s no fires, there’s no oceans, there’s no being swept away up in anything. it’s just making the decision to love someone and then doing it. all while keeping his feet on the ground. and there’s really nothing beyond that.

#🌙 ABOUT! A STARRY NIGHT ON EARTH. #/ hes not a ride or die typa b*tch.

[moonrevolutions]

⋆˚✿༉‧₊˚. keeping the lit match away—he’s not going up in flames for you.

expanding more on how vi navigates compromise vs sacrifice in relationships. this one goes for relationships of all types. platonic, family, romantic. etc. but there was this reblogged text post on his old blog that i think went something like:

sacrifice is a hollow sentiment we shouldn’t have to hurt and be in pain when we want to practice love did you know that.

and… yeah! virote’s not sacrificing anything for anyone. you can’t build a house while one side is getting the walls and roof built while the other half remains nothing but the frame. for him it just doesn’t work like that and he clearly has his hesitance on being sacrificial just for the sake of nurturing someone else. compromises are mostly win-win situations; both people come to see the issue from a BROADER PERSPECTIVE and then together form a solution that does not negate the beliefs or desires of either party. sacrifice, on the other hand, involves giving up something truly important, often in order to make another person happy.

to be honest, virote doesn’t have it in him to be sacrificial, considering he’s the one living with himself. that other person might leave. who knows. he’s prioritizing himself, either way.

that one phrase about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? yeah, he’s NOT about to do that lol. please help him build the fire. bring the wood, he’ll clear a spot for it.

just don’t take this for selfishness. there’s nothing wrong with self-preservation. in fact, more people should practice it. even when they love someone. in his opinion, how are you going to properly love someone when you dismantle yourself for their sake? find a center, some self-respect, and some common sense.

thx 4 cominG 2 my Ted Talk .

it’s interesting because in 2017 when i started his blog he was VERY self-sacrificial. the core of his backstory, when he was a final fantasy x / x-2 oc, was sacrifice for the ones you love. but when he realized… he can’t love people if he’s fragmented. he has to be his whole, best self. and he can’t break off pieces of himself to do that. because the people that he feels the need to love and protect deserve 100% of him. not any less than that.

anything less than that would be a disservice to everyone, especially himself.

side note, da realest ones were here for his OG ffx verse... it's his core...

#*･༓☾ about! a shimmer in the night. #/ some of yall were here for his pathetic beginning era...

[tyrannuspitch]

lots of ppl are speculating rn and idk how much grounds any of it has but i will say this: i will accept martin dying this series (as a storytelling decision) IF one of the whitlys kills him. those are my conditions.

#ps #but which one... i don't think it's justified for ainsley to do it yet and trying to build that up in two episodes. hm. #malcolm maybe... or jessica i'm open to that but i'll take convincing #accidental death or death by side character would NOT be satisfying #and please no self sacrifice... even if you're trying to subvert the villain-sacrifices-themself-and-is-posthumously-forgiven thing #i would still not be on board #tired and overdone and just not very martin imo #even if he does love his family it's a selfish love. there's nothing self sacrificial about it #he sees them as extensions of himself he's not going to decide they're more important than ~the original~ #no i don't think he could tolerate malcolm dying easily But he's more likely to try and fail to save them both #(and possibly get them both killed through his stubbornness) #than to resort to self sacrifice #and i think there is still an unaddressed undercurrent of rage there!!! he already feels like he's given malcolm SO MUCH #he'll hit his limit before he dies for him #unless it's an impulse he didn't think through but what kind of ending would that be for THIS character :/

[romancemoved]

expanding more on how vi navigates relationships. this one goes for relationships of all types. platonic, family, romantic. etc. but there was this reblogged text post on his old blog that i think went something like:

Sacrifice is a hollow sentiment We shouldn’t have to hurt and be in pain when we want to practice love Did you know that

and... yeah! virote’s not sacrificing anything for anyone. you can’t build a house while one side is getting the walls and roof built while the other half remains nothing but the frame. for him it just doesn’t work like that and he clearly has his hesitance on being sacrificial just for the sake of nurturing someone else. compromises are mostly win-win situations; both people come to see the issue from a broader perspective and then together form a solution that does not negate the beliefs or desires of either party. sacrifice, on the other hand, involves giving up something truly important, often in order to make another person happy.

to be honest, virote doesn’t have it in him to be sacrificial, considering he’s the one living with himself. that other person might leave. who knows.

that one phrase about setting yourself on fire to keep others warm? yeah, he’s not about to do that lol. please help him build the house. don’t build the frame, put your hammer down, and then expect him to keep hauling bricks.

just don’t take this for selfishness. there’s nothing wrong with self-preservation. in fact, more people should practice it. even when they love someone.

thx 4 cominG 2 my Ted Talk .

#( 🌙 ABOUT! AN AURA OF MOONLIGHT AND DARK NEON. ✨ ) #/ i wonder if this is one of his difficult traits. #/ because i understand many dont look too deeply into it like this.... #/ and might take this as selfishness.

[refinedbuffoonery]

Outside Force

Trigger Warning: suicidal thoughts 

Set immediately post-Codex.

*****

His friends are too loud. Bozer’s jokes aren’t funny. Desi and Russ’ laughter grates his ears. The fire is too bright, too hot. 

Riley catches his eye from across the circle. Slight tilt to her head, raised eyebrows. Like she can see through the smile he forced his lips to contort into, the smile that couldn’t meet his eyes, no matter how hard he tried. 

They saved the world from a supervolcano and nuclear winter. 

The team is alive, safe, whole. 

Mac doesn’t feel whole. He saved the world, losing a piece of himself every step of the way. 

The world is so fucking heavy. 

He looks away from Riley. Mac could convince everyone else he is okay, that he is just tired. Who wouldn’t be, after that? Even Bozer mostly believes him. But Riley...she sees right through him. Like she understands. 

Maybe she is just as lost as I am. 

Mac gets up and walks inside without a word. He ends up in his bedroom. He wants to go to sleep until they stop hovering over him and asking him if he is okay. I’m fine. I’m just tired. For a group of highly trained spies, they aren’t very good lie detectors. Either that or they give up too easily. 

Based on how quickly everyone but Riley deemed him a traitor, Mac thinks it’s probably the latter. 

His bed feels like it belongs to another man, one who should’ve died in a fiery explosion. An American flag draped over an empty casket. A quiet funeral. A tombstone marking an empty grave, just like his parents. 

Sleep doesn’t come. Sleep won’t come. Sleep never comes. 

Footsteps echo down the hall. Mac turns his back to the door, deepening his breathing to feign sleep. His last defense against the onslaught of check-ins. Sleep is sacred; the one thing none of them will interrupt. 

The door creaks open. He keeps forgetting to fix it. 

“I know you’re not asleep,” Riley says. 

Mac freezes, just in case she’s bluffing. The door closes. 

“I know you’re not asleep, Mac,” she repeats, coming closer. “You and I both know you don’t sleep anymore.” 

Caught. So much for sleep being sacred. 

The bed dips beside him, and Mac rolls over, cracking his eyes open. The inquisitive look Riley wore outside is gone, replaced by soft determination. Riley glances down at his hand, fisted in the comforter, and covers it with her own. He unclenches it. 

“Sorry I left like that,” Mac started. “I’m just--” 

“Tired,” Riley finished. “I know.” 

He doesn’t deserve to be here right now, with her looking at him like that. Like she cares. He is living on borrowed time--he’s been living on borrowed time, ever since he dropped out of MIT and joined the Army. Now it feels like he’s reached his expiration date, and every death on his behalf buys him bonus time he doesn’t want. He sure as hell doesn’t deserve it. 

Not everyone gets a soft ending. Not him. After everything, not him. 

Riley crosses her legs beneath her, like she’s planning on staying awhile. “Tell me about it.” 

This is new. Gone are her offers to be there when he’s ready to talk. Now she’s making him talk, even though it’s the last thing he wants to do. Mac doesn’t have the energy to be mad at her for it. 

How could he tell her that he feels like he hit rock bottom, yet he’s still falling? Down, down, down, and there’s no end in sight. Maybe there isn’t an end. Maybe Hell doesn’t have a bottom; it’s just falling through layer after layer after layer for the rest of eternity. 

Maybe he should’ve let the volcano erupt. Maybe it would’ve blown his soul into so many pieces there wouldn’t be any of him left for a hellish afterlife. That’s what it would’ve done to his body, after all. His body and the rest of the Western Hemisphere. 

“They’re all dead,” he finally whispers. The loss of his family is the easier horror. The expected one. It’s easier to lament the dead than explain why he belongs with them. 

Riley waits for him to explain. He does, even though she knows most of it already. He tells her about the last moment with his aunt, after she chose to set off the explosion so he could live. He tells her about his dad, a dead man sacrificing himself to buy his son time. He tells her about his grandpa, who raised him. He tells her about his mom being taken away too soon, put down for trying to build a healthier world for her son to inherit. Not the guilt. Not the part where he wishes he was dead instead of them. 

Riley seems to be at a loss for words. She is silent for several minutes before asking, “So what are you going to do with the time they gave you?” 

“I don’t deserve that time.” 

There it is. The other thing. 

Her soft determination erupts into something else. Something...angry. She leans over him, planting her hands on either side of his shoulders. “Now listen to me, Angus MacGyver. You deserve every single second you get on this fucked up planet, and don’t you ever try to convince yourself otherwise. You hear me? I’m not Jack, but I swear to god I will keep you alive by sheer force of will if that’s what it takes until you believe you deserve it.” 

The edges of his vision blur as tears start to form. This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have burdened her with this. 

She’d be trying a long time. There is nothing he could do to deserve living at the expense of another person’s life. They deserved to live out their own lives. 

He is living the life of another man’s son, a son who was sacrificed by Mac’s own father to keep him alive. 

The lives of his mentor and his friend, who died in explosions meant for him. 

The lives of the Codex operatives sentenced to die by their own leader, merely the price for the chance to eliminate Angus MacGyver. 

“Mac,” Riley says, heartbreakingly softly. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

He takes a deep breath. He couldn’t avoid it anymore, at least not with her. Hiding the truth would hurt her just as much as telling it. 

“I didn’t want to be another problem.” 

“Another problem? You think I’d rather watch you internalize your guilt so much that you blindly volunteer yourself for every self-sacrificial thing possible? Watch you put yourself in harm's way because you think everyone else’s safety is more important than yours?” Her voice broke. “Getting shot at by a dozen highly-trained snipers is a problem. But you dying? That will break me.” 

Tears flow freely down both their faces. Mac curves a hand around her neck, thumb brushing her cheek. Riley rests her forehead against his. “I’m sorry,” Mac croaks. 

Riley cradles his face in her hands. “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.” 

“Feels like there is,” he admits as another round of hot tears splashes onto his cheeks. He hates himself for making her cry like this. He hates himself for giving her this burden, this weight to carry. He hates himself for hoping sharing would make it easier to bear. 

Sharing definitely makes it worse. 

Mac caves in on himself, plummeting deeper and deeper into the guilt. 

“Hey, hey hey.” Riley squeezes his cheeks. “Come back to me.” 

The numbness sets in again. One limb at a time, he loses feeling in his body. Another piece of him falls away. It’s cold. Mac thinks he’s cold, but Riley’s tears burn like boiling water dripping on his face. Just let go already, a little voice calls. There’s no reason for you to still be here. 

“Mac,” Riley pleads. “I need you to breathe, okay? You’re safe. I’ve got you.” 

She inhales deeply, loudly. Mac tries to match it but can’t seem to suck in enough air. His lungs are collapsing from the pressure of falling deeper and deeper into the Earth. Soon he won’t be able to breathe at all. His lungs won’t inflate and he’ll finally get his wish. 

His fingers find her pulse, pressing below her jaw. It’s fast enough he can match his shallow breaths to it. In out. In out. In out. Her pulse slows as he starts to breathe again. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. 

“I’m back,” he chokes out. 

His hands settle on her waist as he mentally prepares himself to push her away. Riley doesn’t need this, Mac thinks. She has her own trauma to work through. 

He could do it--drive her away with a single sentence. Call her out for asking him to share his problems when she is still determined to ignore her own. He could call her a coward and a hypocrite, and she’d pack up her belongings and move out of his house so quickly it’d be like she was never there in the first place. 

“Mac,” she whispers. 

He can’t do it. Call him selfish, but he can’t bring himself to cut her free. 

He needs her. 

Like she could read his mind, Riley murmurs, “Let me help you.” Her body shakes. 

“You can’t bring them back, Riles.” Mac guides her down to lay on top of him. Her small body feels gigantic above him, heavy with the weight he’d just saddled her with. 

“Let me help you anyway.” 

“Okay,” he relents. Mac rolls them onto their sides and squeezes her tightly until she stops shaking. 

She can’t fix him, not really. She can’t save him from an eternity of falling, but maybe, just maybe, she could help him control his descent. 

An object in motion will stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. Newton’s first law. 

Riley is an outside force, alright. I swear to god I will keep you alive by sheer force of will if that’s what it takes, she said earlier. I’ve got you. 

“Riles?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you. For everything.” I love you. 

Mac sees it, in her eyes. The “I love you too” glimmering back at him. All she says is, “You would do the same for me.” 

He tucks her head under his chin and tangles his legs with hers, considering the words they didn’t say. After a few minutes, he asks, “Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone.” For the first time that night, he doesn’t. He wants company. Her company. 

His best friend, the outside force who keeps him from endlessly falling into the abyss. 

“Sure.” 

Mac doesn’t want to let her go, but eventually he does, so she can send their friends home and change into pajamas. Riley returns pajama-clad and makeup-free, worry lines still creasing her face. 

She slides under the covers and pulls Mac to her so he can rest his head on her chest, her nails lightly scratching his scalp as she toys with his hair. “Can you promise me something?” she asks. Mac looks up at her. “Tell me next time, before it gets bad like that again.” 

“I will,” he swears, and he means it. 

They don’t say anything else for the rest of the night. Mac doesn’t know how long he dozes in Riley’s arms while she stays awake, keeping watch. At one point, he brushes a hand down her face to gently close her eyes, earning a soft chuckle. When Riley’s breathing finally deepens, Mac slips into unconsciousness once more. 

He wakes in Riley’s arms the next morning, and for the first time in a long time, he feels light. 

#beth writes #macgyver #tw suicidal thoughts #macgyver fanfiction

[ablogthatishenceforthmine]

Unpopular The 100 Season 7 Opinions

1. People are too harsh on Echo. Yes, I think she was a poorly written character in seasons 5 and 6, but the character for her writing has much improved in Season 7. And the hate for her character has been far too venomous for just being a poorly written character. I feel like fans of the show never give her character a chance. Like when it was revealed that we we going to see an Echo backstory flashback in season 6. BEFORE THE EPISODE EVEN AIRED, people decided that they hated the flashback, and that it was going to be boring and a waste of time. I actually think the flashback was quite interesting, but think the show had problems framing it in context of the themes of the season. I feel like the same is happening in season 7. People aren’t giving her a chance, even though they are doing some really interesting things with her character this season.

And i think people put too much emphasis on “liking” and “agreeing” with a character. To me, it’s more important that I find a character interesting and engaging: I don’t have to agree with all, or even most, of their actions. I also don’t think the show is framing Echo’s actions this season in a positive light. So I really don’t get the complaint, “How am I supposed to like Echo when she does XXX bad/morally dubious thing.” I don’t agree with most of her actions either, but they make sense with her character, and I always understand why she does what she does this season. And I get it, emotional investment in a character is built. The show has done a poor job creating emotional investment in Echo in Season 5 and 6. But i think investment/engagement can work on two levels: emotional and mental. Mental investment is when you find the character, their storyline, and the themes explored with that character interesting. For me, in seasons 5 and 6, I wasn’t emotionally or mentally invested in Echo’s character. But in Season 7, I am mentally invested in her character. I am still not emotionally invested or care too much about her pain or if she survives because of the shoddy character work the show did for her in the previous 2 seasons. But I am interested in her character, and am excited to see her journey this season.

The show is doing a lot of interesting exploration or Echo’s character this season. But it seems to me like some people came into the season determined not to like or be interested in her character. They never gave her a chance to be interesting to them this season, which I think is a shame.

2. I don’t want Echo to be a spy; I want her to believe in Bardo and their teachings.  I think it’s wayyy more interesting if Echo has actually drunk the kool-aid. And it makes sense for her character to actually believe in Bardo’s teachings. They have a lot in common. They both value loyalty to a troubling degree. They both believe in suppressing and having complete control over one’s emotions. After believing that Bellamy has died, I can see her wanting to bet rid of emotional attachments because they are just too painful. A love is weakness kind of thing. And I can see her deciding that it’s better to be loyal to the mission of saving the human race than to be loyal to individuals, because loyalty to individuals just brings pain. Honestly, I will be really disappointed if Echo turns out to be playing the Bardonians. If that’s the case, then it just all about the plot and plot twist. If what i described above it true, then this storyline is all about character and Echo’s internal life, beliefs, and transformation.

3. I don’t get why people are mad at the show for the lack of Bellamy. It’s not writers fault that Bellamy is barely in this season so far. The actor decided to take some time off.  I get that it’s frustrating and disappointed, but  it wasn’t the writers’ decision. The show is trying to do the best it can with the hand it has been dealt. And I don’t think it’s been doing that terrible. Bellamy is easily my favorite character of the show; has been since season 1, and every season since. But I don’t think the show is suffering that badly from his absence. Like, I miss him, but I don’t feel the show is empty without him. His disappearance is a mystery I am interested and invested in. And I am so excited to find out where he is and what’s been going on with him. For me, the far more frustrating absence is that of Clarke, who has barely had anything interesting to do this season. She feels completely decentered from the season. I wouldn’t mind her lesser screentime if they screentime she did have was devoted to more interesting things. She has had a few good scenes, but most of her plotlines have not been very interesting this season.

4. This season isn’t bad so far. It’s not one of the show’s better seasons, but it’s not terrible. There’s some very good stuff and some very bad stuff. I really like everything with Bardo and Sky Ring. I enjoyed these kinda self-contained episodes like 7x02. I enjoyed seeing new families and bonds form, and seeing character dynamics we haven’t seen before. Hope is a great new character and I am both emotionally and mentally invested in her in only a short amount of time. I find the mystery of Bardo very intriguing. I am excited for every new bit of information we get on the place and it’s way of life. It was super cool and interesting learning their philosophy and a bit about how they live in 7x09. I just really like the world-building that this season is doing. The bad stuff is, of course, sanctum, which is one of the worst, if not the worst, storylines the show has ever done. It’s boring, especially in contrast to the new and exciting world of the anamoly, Bardo, and other planets. And the Sanctum storyline just seems more of the same, except there are not enough people that we care about in the mix. They are too many new characters, and none are developed well enough. It’s hard to care too much about the warring factions, when we don’t care about most of the factions. Despite J.R. Bourne’s excellent performance, Sheidheda is not an interesting villian. And many of the characters are behaving stupidly and making bad decisions. So, yeah, this season is a mixed bag, but I don’t find it to be nearly as bad as people say it it.

4. I disagree with the “Nothing is happening” opinion. Things are definitely happening. Think about how much we’ve learned since the premiere episode. It’s A LOT. And yes, we have a lot of episodes that are more character driven or world-building driven than plot driven. But I actually like that! I don’t know why people want to speed through the plot. I think the plot can move slowly as long as the episodes are engaging and stuff is happening with the characters, even if its only internally. Think about one of The 100′s best episodes, in my opinion: Season 3 Episode 11, Nevermore. The plot barely moved that episode, but there was soo much good character stuff happening. So i really liked the plot slowing down to show the Octavia/Hope/Diyoza family form, and see Octavia find her peace. I liked the plot slowing down to show us the Echo, Hope, Diyoza, and Octavia’s journey through Bardo training. I liked that it slowed down to explore Echo’s grief and Hope and Diyoza’s difficulties in 7x07. But, that is not to say that this season does not have an issue with it’s plotting because it definitely does. For me, its not in the Sky ring/Bardo stuff, it’s with all the other characters. Clarke, Raven, Murphy, Indra, Emori, etc are soooo behind the viewers in knowledge that it’s frustrating to slowly see them catch up to things that the audience already knows. And the Sanctum plot is moving too slowly too with too much build up. And i do agree with people that yeah, it still feels like we are getting exposition for the season, which is a problem. However, i’ve enjoyed a lot of the ride when it comes to learning this exposition in regards to Bardo, so I do not mind as much.

5. I want Murphy to die. And it’s not because I don’t love Murphy, because I do. He has become one of my favorite characters of the show. And that is why I want him to have a great ending and arc. And I can’t think of a better one than him dying doing a heroic or self-sacrificial thing. Murphy started as an utterly selfish character who would do anything it takes to survive, no matter the cost for other people. Slowly, he has come to care for other people. First, specific individuals, and now, more and more, has has started to care for people as a whole. But, he still struggles with his selfishness and his do-whatever-it-takes-to-survive mentality. That’s why giving up his life for a good cause would be the perfect ending to his story. To go from someone who would survive by any means necessary to someone who willingly died to do something good for others. It would be beautiful and perfect, and i hope it happens no matter how sad it would make me.

#the 100 #echo #bellamy blake #clarke griffin #john murphy #octavia blake #hope diyoza #charmaine diyoza #the 100 season 7 #my posts #ablogthatishenceforthmine #the selfless king #the girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders #Cockroach #octagon

[beingpassionateabout]

I'll follow you into the dark

A/N: This was inspired by the last addition to this post, especially this part: “Anna's mindset is always "If we are together, I can protect her." This drives her actions. Elsa's mindset is always "If I am alone, I can protect her." And this drives her actions. Anna's is protection by action (i.e. she would probably physically pull Elsa away from the abyss in Ahtohallan so Elsa can't go too far. If Anna herself dies, no problem. Just protect Elsa). Elsa's is protection by prevention (i.e. taking Anna out of the equation will categorically prevent harm from coming to her. If Elsa herself dies, no problem. Just protect Anna). Both attitudes are badass (in one sense of the word) because they are both self-sacrificial. I don't see either one as selfish personally, just manifestations of their different protective natures.” 

So that got me thinking, what if they reconciled their natures before Elsa parted to the Dark Seas? 

Summary: Elsa and Anna try to work things out at the shipwreck site. 

Canon-compliant until that point. Any and all mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Frozen, but I so desperatly wish I did.

It should not have been like this. Their parents, lost at sea, because of her, because of her powers. How much more tragedy can she bring upon her family? How much more pain, more suffering?

She feels Anna running up the hill to catch her and that makes her feel even worse. 'Not now, Anna', she wants to say, but while receiving her sister's comfort hurts, denying it would hurt her even more. And it would hurt Anna too. She's tired of hurting everyone, least of all Anna. So she accepts the embrace she's pulled in, tries to draw comfort from the warmth scent of the only person she loves more than anything or anyone.  

Anna tells her words of comfort but her mind barely registers them. In any other occasion her rational side would find reason with it, would be able to focus on it to get whatever needs to be done, done. As it is now, the weight of the revelation of their parent's fate only presses down on her, pulling her under the tides of emotions she has not felt in years. Her straining focus manifests itself on her closed off stance, arms pulled taught against her ribs, her sight trained on her sisters' moving lips but only registering a few words she's saying. This inner turmoil she knows well, but she still fights it. Anna is speaking. Anna is demanding attention. And attention she will get from Elsa.

"Please Elsa, I can't lose you" and with those words Anna manages to shake her out of her stupor.

"I can't lose you either, Anna". So she crumbles. And hugs her sister tight to her body, trying to convey how troubled she feels, how shaky she feels, but still, how much she would give to not live another day with the threat of losing Anna over her head. Or losing the family they made for themselves.

At that, she opens her eyes and looks over at Olaf, who has also made his way up the hill and to his "mothers", as he likes to call them. She beckons him close and he comes willingly, wrapping his short arms as tight and as far as he can around them. She sighs in relief, leaning further into Anna and feeling her tighten her arms in return.

Still, there is much that needs to be done, Elsa recognizes. A new set of problems arise now that they know where they have to go next in order to follow the call and learn the truth about their family's past. The truth that will save Arendelle, that will save the Northuldra people. Crossing the Dark Seas to Ahtohallan is something only she can hope to do, judging by the state of their parent's ship. The waters too violent and too dangerous to risk losing Anna over. So Elsa steels her resolve and draws gently away from the embrace, grabbing Anna's hands in the process and looking into her eyes.

"I know I promised we'd do this together and I've been trying to stick to this promise but it's proving itself difficult with every new danger we face".

Anna looks taken aback. "What do you mean? We've done great so far! No one has gotten hurt!".

"I know Anna, but there has been pretty close calls, don't you think?"

"If you're talking about the fire incident, then you should know that I'll stand by your side no matter what!".

She did not expect anything else from her brave knight, but Elsa needs to make her understand her point. So she presses on.

"This worries me, Anna. What if next time I can't protect you? You know the Dark Sea is a dangerous place"

"And that's supposed to make me feel better letting you go there? What if you don't come back?"

"But what if you don't come back?" she notices Anna pausing at that, closing her eyes momentarily and taking a deep breath. Elsa completes, "You know that between the two of us the chances of survival are stacked on my side".

Anna stammers and seems to lose her footing in this argument. "I- I know what you're asking of me right now, but it's just really painful and difficult to think you might face this alone, Elsa."

"I just need to know that you trust me to do the right thing and to come back to you, Anna"

"I do trust you!" Anna protests. "With all my being".

"Then let me do it, please. Let me go to Ahtohallan."

Anna stares at her for a few seconds, anxiousness and sorrow flashing behind her blue eyes. Her mouth works once, twice, but nothing comes out and Elsa waits, knowing she has to let Anna work it out for herself. It's the least she can do.

A moment passes. Anna takes her hands out of Elsa's hold, paces around, takes deep breaths. And then she's back in front of Elsa, resolve in her eyes.

"I hope you know that if you don't come back I'm gonna chase you to the ends of this earth, myself and I won't tire until I find you" come out of her lips with more heat than anticipated.

That makes Elsa chuckle and she notices Anna lets out an amused breath too. Of all the things bearing down on her, Anna's threat feel more like a caress on her soul. She takes one of Anna's hands again, while noticing how Anna's other hand just grips her satchel strap tighter.  

"You won't have to."

"Good. That's really good." Anna sighs, her eyes now boring into Elsa's. "You should go there. Find the answers. Make me proud. And come back."

Elsa's shoulders sag in relief.

"I will, I promise."

Hearing that, Anna slowly closes her eyes, lets out another heavy sigh and then disentangles her hand from Elsa's hold. Elsa watches as Anna reaches for her left wrist, right under her long sleeve and pulls out a shiny bracelet. One of Elsa's gifts to her 19th birthday. One she has not stopped wearing ever since.

"I've never been superstitious in my life. But this is a time of need and I need to believe in you and I need to calm myself down enough to let you go, so... take this". Anna fastens the bracelet on Elsa's pulse, tucks it firmly under Elsa's blue sleeve. "Okay, now you're protected. I'm protecting you from a distance. You may go".

Elsa feels herself tearing up, unable to process this wave of warmth engulfing her. So she does the next best thing and just hugs Anna again, kissing the side of her head over red strands of hair. "Thank you".

She feels more than sees Anna nodding against her shoulder. She then turns to Olaf, who's been quietly watching them with an anxious expression, his twig hands clasped. "Come here, boy".

He makes his way over to her and so she kneels in front of him to hug him too. "I'll come back to both of you".

"Safe journey, Elsa" Olaf tells her, his expression softening.

She nods at him, gets up and turns to Anna, squeezes her hand once more. Then Anna watches as Elsa clasps her hands together, closes her eyes and concentrates for a few moments. When she opens up her hold, a small snowy bird emerges and takes flight, landing itself on Anna's head.

Anna is amazed yet again at her sister's powers.

"It'll lead you both back to camp. Just follow it down the path, okay?" Elsa tells her.

"And then what happens to it, when we get there?"

"It'll stay with you. So you are protected too."

The weight of those words leaves Anna breathless, and she tries valiantly to stop the tears from coming. She sees it now. She sees how Elsa wants her protected too. Elsa loves her just as fiercely and is not pushing her away, she’s not leaving her. So it should make it a bit easier to wait for her to come back.

 When she manages to steady her voice all that comes up is "Okay. Together?".

“Together”.

She can only watch as Elsa turns her back to them and sprints down to the black shores, and on to the Unknown that holds one of Elsa's most dangerous tasks yet.

#elsanna #queerplatonic elsanna #snow sisters #i don't know a kristanna #frozen 2 #fix-it fic #elsanna fanfiction #elsanna drabble #my fic

[cassianus]

A monk from the monastery in Chania, Crete: " agree with everything except euthanasia. My strength is weakened by sicknes.": Sophronios, who suffers from Terminal Motor Neurone disease, has recently given a sensational interview to Crete TV with the help of a keystroke system.

Q: They say that pain completes existence. Do you experience this and how?

.

A: Pain is a big school and teaches self-knowledge that leads to brotherhood and ultimately to godhood. Pain humiliates you with humiliation, our heart softens and opens to God and our fellow man. I communicate with people all over the world suffering from physical or mental illnesses.

With the help of God, with my experience in bed of pain, I understand them, even a little to say a comforting word, a word of our Christ. Today, there is so much loneliness in the world and riot and fear. We Christians who have the gift of God to know Christ must share with our fellowman the joy, the peace and the love that is Christ. Is not this the goal of our existence, to save all?

.

Q: What would you say to someone who wants to make euthanasia?

.

Q: Life is a gift of God to all of us. I understand this better than ever now that I'm in bed. No one came to life with his will. So how can you put an end to your life, since it really does not belong to you? This, in my opinion, is the problem of our time, it cultivates in the modern man an egocentric way of life, cut off from the community, from the family, the neighborhood, the homeland, etc. so we think we are independent, self-propelled in this world.

I think it is the wrong view of life that leads the man of our time from "self-confinement" to suicide. I understand that he does not want the patient to become a burden on others or does not want his loved ones to see him suffer. It's very humiliating - I know it very well. But the humble has the Kingdom of God, not the selfish.

.

Q: Do you think that if you had no faith, would you have the same attitude towards pain?

.

A: Without Christ I would be nothing. There is another pain that is more painful than the pain we are talking about. And this is the pain that the soul feels when it is lacking in the presence of God, which enlivens everything and gives meaning to this human pain. The absence of God from man's life today is the most painful pain.

.

Q: In the bed of pain come moments that make you question God and your faith?

.

A: On the contrary, it joins me with God and I feel Love and His presence more intense. But it does not mean that the moments of human weakness do not come. The Christian needs faith, bravery, and courage. God never abandons us.

.

Q: How can pain be blessed? What can "life" mean when you are stuck in the bed of pain?

.

A: Pain and difficulties are sometimes unbearable for humans. In these moments I feel the presence and consolation of God more intense. I think in both these questions the answer can be given by Him who I also receive in my difficult moments when I look at the crucified Christ. He first turned His own pain into blessing. And His own life on the Cross was glorified and remained in history as the King of Glory. It is the standard and at the same time the rest of every pain.

.

Q: What are the difficulties of your illness?

.

A: I have ALS / MND - Stephen Hawking's disease. It has no cure. I am paralyzed, I only can move my eyelids and lips. I do not swallow, I'm eating through a feeding tube. I do not breathe on my own, except with the support of a ventilator. I can tell you details, but it suffices to say that I can not do anything without the help of someone taking care of me.

As a layman I was very independent to a degree very selfish. Now that I can not do anything without someone else, I understand why Christ taught us to be united in one body. We need each other to be in a society with our fellow humans.

.

Q: How many years have you been in bed and how does communication work?

.

A: I have been permanently bedridden for 6 years. I communicate with a computer system that allows me to write with my eyes. Thank God ! You see what the good God is doing!

.

Q: What do you think you have gained as the most positive of your illness?

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A: Without a doubt, the most positive is my union with God, that I feel His love filling my heart.

.

Q: How is your relationship with your brothers in the Gouverneto monastery now with your illness?

.

A: I am very blessed in the Gouverneto monastery. It is a holy place under the abode of the Virgin Mary. With the intense presence of St. John the Hermit and the place of martyrs, it has a great deal of grace. In the Divine Economy I have a very blessed abbot, Elder Iromeo, a man of God, full of love. The brotherhood is very beloved with humble fathers who make their struggle.

They take care of me with sacrificial love. An example of the love that exists here: At the time I was a novice my illness was occurred. I was diagnosed with ALS, an incurable disease. When I learned what it all involved, I told my elder that I do not want to be a burden on the brotherhood and I will not stay. But the elder and all the brothers said that they want me as I am. This is the love of Christ.

.

Q: What would you like to say to the viewers who are watching you now, sick or not?

.

A: Life without Christ is not life. With Christ at the center of your life you have love, peace and life has another meaning. As St. Porphyrios said: "Christ is everything".

Source ekklisianonline.gr

[tailahjanbash]

Jesus = Feminist?

Today I read an article called ‘I’m A Christian Girl And I’m Not A Feminist, Because God Did Not Intend For Women To Be Equals.’

I’m going to be honest with you. It made me angry. In fact, the more I kept reading the more upset I got.

I don’t think the girl who wrote it meant any harm. She was expressing her opinion and her own understanding of God and feminism. Because this post has gone somewhat viral, I have felt burdened to examine these claims next to scripture so we, as Christians, can understand this topic better.  

The author states, “Women and men are not equal in God’s eyes. If we were all equal, we would not need one another and therefore we would not need God. I am so thankful that we were not created equal.”

I believe this quote would support the notion that women depend on men because they are inferior. Women have a few traits and qualities to offer the superior sex, like taking care of children and a home. This somehow supports her claim that if women were equal to men then God would be unnecessary.

A society obviously needs both to function and reproduce. However, on the individual level, things are a little different. Just so this doesn’t get confusing, let me be clear—A woman does not need a man. Period.

A man does not need a woman.

The only person you need is Jesus.

Paul tells us we can actually serve the kingdom better when we are single. (1 Cor 7:8)

This is because we do not have a spouse to answer to or split affections. We can focus totally on Jesus and kingdom work.

If you are unmarried you ultimately answer to Jesus. This is because the two of you are a unit instead of a man and a woman, and we must submit to his lordship. You do not have to submit to any person simply because they are a man. You don’t need the permission of a man to fulfill your destiny and do what the Lord has called you to. You answer to Abba. You are qualified and capable because He has called you.

But if you do decide to go the marriage route, you should NEVER be co-dependent like this article claims women are. You do not enter a marriage because one partner needs the other to function. Marriage should be two whole people coming together to reflect the beauty and unity of God.

Think about that. Men and women both display different attributes and characteristics of God so that when they unite in covenant, we get a clearer picture of who He is.

Now, would you tell me that the Holy Spirit is inferior to Jesus? Or that God is more valuable than Christ? You would never dare to compare their worth. They each function and move in different ways, but they are one. In a similar way, man and woman bring different characteristics to a marriage covenant and become one. Neither is more important than the other.

Let’s take a look at the (ENTIRE) scripture that was misconstrued to support these misogynistic claims.

“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body.” Ephesians 5:21-33

People who have supported the oppression of women often quote the phrase, “Wives submit to your husbands” and leave it there. But before we even get to the wives, we are first instructed to submit to one another as believers. Men must submit to women, and women to men. This is because God wants us to be united, not shouting over one another, claiming that one sex is more important than another. How foolish.

Following Paul’s instruction to wives, men are then called to lay down their lives for their wives. Why? Because that’s what Christ did for us. He gave up everything. He served us. He washed the feet of his disciples. There were times when he cooked for them. He ministered to them constantly. He set the example for how to live righteously. Jesus put our needs above his own when he bore the cross.

This latter instruction Paul gives to men is a higher and harder standard to maintain. It truly is a heavier burden. That is why the man is the head of the household like Jesus is the head of the church. He had to learn, teach, suffer, and constantly sacrifice. Godly men don’t get to put their feet up and demand that their wives clean and cook and serve them all day. They aren’t superior, but they do have a bigger burden and responsibility. They will have to answer to God at judgement for all of the ways they either built up and served their wives/families or tore them down. Men of God do not just rule over their households like tyrants, because they must be submitted to Jesus.

To put it simply the point is this: Everyone must submit at the end of the day. Not just women.  

So married men, don’t ask why your wives won’t submit when you refuse serve them. Marriage is sacrificial on both sides because there are two parties involved. When you are serving one another and concerned with the other’s needs above your own, submitting becomes easier because you realize you are both on the same team.

I do find it interesting that wives specifically get called out. Maybe the women in Ephesus were dishonoring their husbands, belittling, or bossing them around. We don’t know exactly what has happening in the church at Ephesus when this letter was written. But whenever wives (or husbands) lash out in this way, it is often an issue of pride or rebellion.

In the words of my friend Fade, “Married women (or men) can sometimes have a hard time submitting because they are not submitted to The Lord.”

            *Mic drop*

And then… the inevitable happens.

Adam and Eve are brought up.

In case you’re new here:

Following the fall of man (Genesis 3 a.k.a when Eve ate the fruit), God punishes all parties involved and says to the woman: “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

This is the curse of man.

Some say that bible lays it all out there. That this is where inequality of the sexes is established and will remain forever.

However, I recall Romans 5 saying something a little different…

“You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we’re in—first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death. That sin disturbed relations with God in everything and everyone, but the extent of the disturbance was not clear until God spelled it out in detail to Moses. So death, this huge abyss separating us from God, dominated the landscape from Adam to Moses.

But Adam, who got us into this, also points ahead to the One who will get us out of it.

If one man’s sin put crowds of people at the dead-end abyss of separation from God, just think what God’s gift poured through one man, Jesus Christ, will do! There’s no comparison between that death-dealing sin and this generous, life-giving gift.

Here it is in a nutshell: Just as one person did it wrong and got us in all this trouble with sin and death, another person did it right and got us out of it. But more than just getting us out of trouble, he got us into life! One man said no to God and put many people in the wrong; one man said yes to God and put many in the right.” Romans 5:12-19 MSG

Galatians 3:13 says, “Christ redeemed us from that self-defeating, cursed life by absorbing it completely into himself. Do you remember the Scripture that says, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”? That is what happened when Jesus was nailed to the cross: He became a curse, and at the same time dissolved the curse.”

So you see, if you are in Christ, he became the curse for you on the cross, and defeated it when he rose from the grave. He broke that power struggle between man and woman. We don’t have to live in disharmony! Isn’t that amazing?

Acts 2:17 says, “In the last days, God says, 'I will pour out my Spirit upon all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy. Your young men will see visions, and your old men will dream dreams.”

He laid down his life so he could pour out his Spirit freely on both sons and daughters. So He could move, minister, and work through all of his children, not just an elite few.

All of this building up to my final point: Feminism isn't bad. It isn’t a dirty word. Jesus literally broke social norms to include women in a society that kept them oppressed. The bible actually celebrates powerful women!

The first person Jesus revealed himself to as the son of God was a woman. (John 4)

The first people resurrected Jesus appeared to were women. (John 20:11-18)

When Barack was too chicken to lead the army into battle, Deborah took over without hesitation. (Judges 4:9)

Women were prophets. (Judges 4; Luke 2:36-38; Exod 15:20; 2 Kings 22:15; Neh 6:14)

Women were politicians, judges, and rulers. (Deborah, Esther)

God made BOTH male and female in his image. This is why marriage reflects His image and wholeness. God intends male and female to contribute their unique strengths to benefit one another and the world. We are his children and he doesn't value us based off of something so carnal and physical.

Parents: Do you look at your son as more important and valuable than your daughter? Of course not! Why would we ever teach or assume God views us in that way?

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” Philippians 2:3

Scripture says we (ALL Christians) should never view ourselves as more valuable than another person.

Yes, we are different. But our value isn’t. We are each and individually so priceless and worthwhile to Jesus that he literally gave himself up. You were worth his life. That is your value.

 And for the record, the Webster dictionary definition of feminism is: To advocate for the social, economic and political equality of the sexes.

If both men and women can come boldly before the throne of the Father (Hebrews 4:16), we should be able to be treated in society with that same equality.

Feminism isn't anti-men. It isn't women over men.

Feminism is wanting to see more representation of women in politics. For us to get equal pay for doing the same job. So we can walk to our cars at night without clutching a can of pepper spray and looking behind us every 10 seconds.

Here is my final point—I’m not trying to convert you to a specific ideology or promote a label as gospel. Quite frankly, God does not care whether you label yourself as a feminist or not. He cares about your heart and how you view and treat his precious children.

Women, you are powerful. God has created you to be fearless leaders.

You are not worth less than a man.

You are not a half.

You are a whole. (Colossians 2:10)

My prayer for you today is that every unbiblical and devaluing lens you see yourself through is shattered. That your spirit is encouraged, and Christ empowers you with the strength to lift your head high and wear the crown He has given you, boldly and unashamed.

Never forget that you are so treasured, worthwhile, and valued by your King and Creator.

You can read more blog posts and content on my website!

http://www.thechosengirl.info/

#feminism #christian #christianity #jesus #god #holy spirit #church #bible #verses #verse #scripture #anointing #lord #love #hope #women #power #girl #feminist

[darrowsrising]

I recently finished GS. I wonder how Mustang and Cassius were as a couple. How did she start the relationship? How much of her real self did she show Cassius? Does she see her relationship with Cassius as a temporary condition? I am sure you have been asked something like that before. but I just do it again ;)

https://darrowsrising.tumblr.com/post/186268407916/as-we-all-know-on-the-lunar-gala-oktavia-wanted

Thank you for the ask anon! No worries, I always love asks.

Pleade read the link above first. It contains a pretty well written explanation about Octavia and Virginia and their GS plans.

As for Virginia's relationship with Cassius, I do believe it lacked love on her part. He obviously loves her.

But, despite Darrow's opinion that it had its real parts, I think (and that's obviously just my opinion, people can see it as they want it), Virginia didn't have real romantic feelings towards Cassius. She admits she was miserable about the situation. She said something about feeling like being suffocated in his arms too.

But it had nothing to do with Cassius, but with the situation. He was practically a means to an end, but she felt guilty about using him like that. She used his grief to her advantage. She even said she approached him when he was depressed. She became a source of happiness for him, as she planned. And she used thrir relationship to keep tabs on Octavia's plans towards her family (as the Bellonas were in her graces with House Arcos on Europa and House Augustus in the dog house). Basically, she counted on his feelings to get every little important secret.

I'll let the Morning Star bits out of this ask. Although this blog is not spoiler-free, I don't want to ruin your experience.

Also, I have to mention that Dark Age might contain more info about this thing from Virginia's pov. So, my opinion might end up true or not. I do headcanon Virginia as a hetero-romantic demisexual, but still, that aside, based on MS, I doubt Virginia loved Cassius. Pierce Brown loves to make twist love triangles so that they are actually interesting. This one is not my favorite, but it would have been kinda cliché to have Virginia uncertain about who she really loves. I think this relationship was meant to show that Virginia is as morally grey as the rest of them. She's not some etherial perfect being that does nothing wrong. She has her issues and her flaws. She would totally manipulate people and situations to protect the ones she loves. Even when they don't deserve it. She's self-sacrificing and selfish at the same time in this situation (she's willing to manipulate someone and be in a relationship she doesn't really want to ensure her family's political and actual safety).

She didn't see it as temporary, she saw it as a possibility to end a feud so that her family stays alive. That was, at least, until Darrow showed up at the gala and she realised she can't play the sacrificial bride, she doesn't want to. Besides, it was more of an option that hanged in the air, but was improbable, because nothing vould really end the feud.

I don't know how much of her real self Cassius was shown. Honestly, he made some assumtions about her that were really untrue, so I think she lied well and he believed her way too eagerly.

Of course, best lies are half-lies, half-truths. So I think she wasn't totally fake, but still. I doubt he knows her the way Darrow does.

Also, she did stop Darrow from killing Cassius, but she did it more for Darrow's sake than Cassius'. So, again, I doubt she had genuine romantic feelings.

Hope this helped!

Howl on!

#red rising trilogy #virginia au augustus #mustang #ask astrea

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, GREY! You’ve been accepted for the role of BENVOLIO with an FC change to FRANCISCO LACHOWSKI. Admin Rosey: Benvolio is a multi-faceted character who, in my opinion, is one of the most difficult to capture in a single application. There are so many different ways to pull him and he will cry out against all of them. Whether you wish to bloody his hands, have him save a Capulet, or send him away from the city again; all of them end in tragedy, all of them are never quite right. But Grey, in your application you managed to get to the very quick of his character. You gave him a distinct voice and an even more distinct heart. I can’t wait to have you ruin us all with him. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

Out of Character

Alias | Grey

Age | 31

Preferred Pronouns | She/Her

Activity Level | Currently I’m off work on extended medical leave (unknown end date), so mostly don’t have any major claims on my time and should be able to be around most days. With that said, medical issues and meds will crop up from time to time. Once I return to work, I work 3-4 days a week, so will still have multiple days a week free.

Timezone | Australian Eastern Standard Time (AEST/GMT +10)

How did you find the rp?  | Rogue seduced me over, so blame her for everything please

Current/Past RP Accounts | Bellavie (from a very short-lived rp) -  I’ve also played with Rogue in several places over the years.

In Character

Character | Benvolio / Bellamy Santa-Domingo. Preferred FC of Francisco Lachowski.

         ✧ Bellamy ⟶ What’s in a name? For Bellamy, a wealth of self-discovery, definitions laid out ahead of him at birth, a path his feet have never wavered from. Fine Friend his mother called him, and perhaps bought upon them all their disappointment in his gentility with a name bereft of the thorns they so coveted. Fine Friend he was named, and so he lives, a shoulder for everyone’s burden while he struggles solitary with his own.

         ✧ Santa-Domingo ⟶ Saint of the Lord, he is labelled; baptised in the blood of his family, the holy mandate by which his father demands respect. What is a saint, after all but someone to venerate, to esteem, graced by God? But Bellamy knows that that is but the least of what a saint is, for saints are pained and fragile things burned in holy fire, martyrs all; sacrificial lambs to the glory of God — and the truest god his family bends knee to is that known as Montague.

        ✧ Benvolio ⟶ Thrice he is named and the third feels like a lie, ashes on his brow. Well-wisher they call him, Benevolence — yet they would ask him to be anything but. He feels the hollowness of the name as Damiano settles it on his shoulders, the calculated sop to his reluctance and he wonders how long he will be allowed to keep the illusion of truth before he must sacrifice it on Damiano’s altar, how long before the name is nothing but mocking contempt of the perceived weakness of his dream ( he knows too well how often in war softness becomes synonymous with weakness ).

What drew you to this character? | Benvolio was the first of the open characters I read, and I think that reading is probably what tipped me from considering the rp for the future to immediately applying. Even as I read through the rest of the open characters, I kept returning to the tab with his bio in it. While I did briefly consider Halcyon instead, I think my choice was pre-determined from the start.

Bellamy touches a lot tropes that I love to play with; Rogue once summed up one of my main types as ‘Damaged boys with daddy issues’ and on that Bellamy is almost a solid bullseye, the tragic figure of Atlas carrying everyone else’s burdens. There are conflicts within him, conflicts and contradictions that pull him in different directions, forcing him to play a delicate, and exhausting, balancing act in order to keep himself whole. Criminal yet cop, loyal yet selfish, duty yet refusal, peaceful yet fighter, ideals yet realistic — the inability to reconcile the disparate portions of himself leaves him feeling hollow with self-loathing as he counts his sins ten times over and values his virtues at half their rate.  Bellamy has ever been thus, a duality at war with himself; as play-Mercutio says: “Nay, an there were two [of you], we should have none shortly, for one would kill the other!”

APatroclus saddled with two Achilles to save from their own divinity, Bellamy is irredeemably entangled with his closest friends, unfailingly loyal and dependable. Roman and Marcello are his heart and soul, his very being — and yet he left. Oh, he came back, and the texts and emails flew thick and fast in his absence, yet still, he left, leaving them bereft in the middle of war. An abandonment — necessary, yes, but ultimately selfish, running to save himself without those who he would gladly lay down his life for.

Yet Benvolio’s biggest contradictions, deepest complexities lie in the very area that most would dismiss as his simplest aspect: his kindness, his softness, his gentility. So often, these traits are those that people write off, dismiss as naïveté or innocence, chalk up to an ignorance or blindness of the darkness of the world. Bellamy is none of those things, was never given the luxury of being unaware. Even as a child, the war shaped his life; even as a youth he knew too much of blood and cruelness and the rotted heart of Verona.  

No, Bellamy is not kind out of some innate inability to see otherwise, some childlike artlessness that means he could never be aught else — he chooses to be kind, he chooses to trust; and he does it in the full and grim understanding that doing so is the emotional equivalent of sticking your hand in the fire and asking it not to burn you. He chooses it because it allows him to live with himself, wears it as an armour that keeps him from breaking, because whatever cost he pays in scars for that gentility, however much he kicks himself for an idiot when it blows up in his face… if he chose otherwise would he ever be able to find his way back?

Likewise many dismiss his voice when he raises it for peace — idealist they call him, young they scoff at him, yet sometimes Benvolio feels like he’s the only one at all who sees. They celebrate victory while he counts bodies, count winnings while he watches the city crumble. He wonders when they all stopped seeing people and started seeing gold instead, when costs stopped being about finance and were first paid in blood. Could they not see that this tragedy was leading nowhere, that this tit-for-tat, blood-for-blood would only end with all of them blind? Could they not see that they were past the point where a victory could be anything more than Pyrrhic?

A warrior for peace; an absurd idea really, almost hypocritical, almost oxymoronic in nature, and yet, and yet — Benvolio learned, as the war poets learned ( battered paperbacks of Owen and Sassoon accompany him around the world, the margins slowly filled with all manner of scrawled notes in different colours of ink ) that people will dismiss the words of a non-combatant as cowardly, that only by engaging in the very thing they wished to end could they earn the right to speak out against it, that only by speaking from alongside them would the war-torn hear his voice. And so he takes his place in the trenches, stands shoulder to shoulder with his comrades and tries not to think too much about what they do, so that, one day, he will be able to end it for all. If the cost for the whole of Verona is his own blood spilled, his own soul crushed, how can he refuse to pay it? And yet how can he survive its paying?

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

✘ dulce et decorum est, pro patria mori⟶  ( price of duty )

Sitting in that airport, staring down at his phone as it rang, Mama picked out on the screen, his thumb hovered over the red end call button as he fought with despair. He could go, he knew, could let the message go to voice mail and answer the boarding call for his flight instead, jump another flight at the other end and head to the Andes, the Sahara, the Australian Outback. Say he hadn’t gotten the message, had been out of signal range. It would be easy, simple.

He’d plead conscientious objector to get out four years ago, but now the piper has come due. He answers the phone ( had it always been this heavy? ) halfway through the final ring and allows himself to be conscripted.

Bellamy has always been dutiful, responsible, loyal. Innately, intrinsically, he puts his duties and friends ahead of himself time and again, often at the cost of his own self, his own soul. A soldier in a war he despises, fighting a battle he despairs of no matter the outcome, Bellamy is quickly approaching the point where duty and ideals will clash more and more heavily, where he will no longer be able to wiggle through loopholes or forge a middle path. One day, war and duty and loyalty will push him, without mercy or respite, to the moment he dreads most, will require him to do something he doesn’t know if he’s capable of living with.

His hands are going to get dirty, and he fears he’s too brittle to survive it ( he fears he may not have as much issue with it as he should ).

✘ i would know him in death, at the end of the world ⟶ ( friends )

They are many and yet one, together and undivided since a time of vague memories and impressions. Bellamy doesn’t remember meeting Roman or Marcello, can’t recall a time when they weren’t sashaying into trouble together. Their bond is inviolate, one of the surest things in Bellamy’s life and by far the most precious.

They have always been inseparable — and yet they separated.

Bellamy parted them, and when he came back there was a harshness to the light inside his friends, as though the warm light of the sun had turned to nuclear glow; the fires of war. ( He wonders if that will be him in a couple of years. ) There are cracks in all of them now, cracks in their souls and their bond, even as they pass the whiskey bottle between themselves and try to pretend that nothing has changed.

Bellamy blames himself. He left, he thinks, and that laid the first crack between them. Now, he struggles to deal with that betrayal as he sees it, trying to amend for it by taking more and more for his friends, his brothers, while squashing all his own needs ( pretends he is naught but the balm and bandage as he bleeds out himself ) — how could he ask them for aught, now?

Cracks can be fixed, but Bellamy needs to learn again to take as well as offer, before he subsumes himself under everyone else’s needs and is killed by his own gone unmet.

✘ forgive me father, for i am only fucking human ⟶ ( loyalty challenged )

Mark Twain once said “But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner who needed it most?” and those words have always resonated for Bellamy, printed large on his heart. Odin has done appalling things, he knows, things that should maybe be unforgivable, but if he is trying to make amends then can Bellamy do aught but help him? Sinners need forgiveness far more than good men ( sinners are who forgiveness was made for ) and so he listens, and absolves him in his heart as they sit in a patrol car on a dark street sucking spilled take-out sauce off their fingers.

And yet in this day, when the merest of mercies to the other side raises cries of fraternisation and both sides lay pressure upon pressure on their soldiers to prove their loyalty he wonders if perhaps this will be the thing that causes them both to burn. They have no choice in who they share a car with but he wonders if that will matter before paranoia has run its course and they have done more than that, haven’t they? Drowned their sorrows together, doused themselves in the whiskey that may yet fuel their funeral pyre — and yet if Odin asks for help, can Bellamy do aught but hold a hand out to him? A lifeline, a hangman’s noose, rolled into one.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Yes - but not until I’m so attached that it will break my heart. GRRM says that you should mourn when a character dies, that you should care and that sort of attachment I feel is one that takes time to develop. But oh yes, I’m definitely okay with charactercide - just with an initial cooldown period please!

In Depth

What is your favourite place —

His favourite place? His mind swirls, an agitated snowstorm of images: the hot sun on his back as he sits on the ancient stairs in front of the Parthenon; the bright, airy, treasure-filled rooms of the British Museum; the serene weightlessness of floating in the Dead Sea; the sky shaded a brilliant sunset on a beach in Brazil, cocktail in hand…

— in Verona?

The rider on the question brings his thoughts to a sudden halt, leaves an echoing quiet in his brain. His favourite place in Verona? The city he’d run from as soon as he was able and had never wished to revisit?

As a child, Bellamy had fallen in love with Verona’s Library: the arching ceilings, the ornate decoration, the heavy books bound in rich and sometimes flaking leather, the dry and musty smell of ancient pages holding the words of worlds and centuries. It felt… reverent, almost Holy.

And then he’d learned of what lay upstairs, that above the rooms devoted to knowledge, to history, to making sure humans never forgot the mistakes of the past, Damiano and his court engaged in the deliberate repetition of humanity’s greatest fuck up. And then all it felt was tainted, sacrilegious.

As a teen, he’d come to love Castelveccio Bridge for the fragile peace that surrounded it. He’d perch on the edge with a book, back up against one of the buttresses, and let the river wind rustle his hair as he read or skimmed stones, or, later, passed around a bottle of jack with his friends.

But that too was marred now, stained in so much blood and death, and he wonders if there is anywhere in the city that has not been spoiled by this abominable feud.

“ To Tame A Soup, ” he says, eventually “ I guess. At least some good comes of it. But really, this whole city, it’s…” he shakes his head with a sigh, gesturing at the woman to continue.

What does your typical day look like?

He’s sprawled across the couch in the police therapist’s office; one leg dangles half-off, just enough for the toe of his boot to brush the floor, the other ankle resting on the armrest, one arm over the back of the couch. His sister always wondered why he was so neat and tidy in his living, books alphabetised, everything in its place, yet just threw himself in a pile where ever he landed ( he doesn’t tell her its because his books are actually worth taking care with ).

( He wonders what would happen if he deliberately failed this review, what Damiano would do if he got himself sent home on mental health leave — but then, he’s probably already bought out the shrink. )

“ Much the same as anyone else’s, probably. ” He tips his head back over the armrest to look at her, upside down. “ Work, food, sleep, a book here and there… I adopted a cat last week, so there’s that. ”

What has been your biggest mistake?

“ Coming back. ” The worlds fall out before he can stop them, almost tripping over the end of the question in their hurry to break free. For a moment he wonders if he should take it back, prevaricate, maybe say that leaving had been worse ( though nothing in his life had ever felt so right as that moment the plane had lifted from the ground ). But — no, there is no need. If she was in the Montague pocket then well… Damiano, the rest… they already knew how he felt about being back. And if she wasn’t reporting, what did it matter?

She watches him for a moment, as though expecting him to elaborate, but when he doesn’t she moves onto the next question with a faint sigh.

What has been the most difficult task asked of you thus far?

“ The same, ” he says, mussing up his hair with one hand. Uneasiness pricks him; it’s far too difficult to ignore the foreboding in the words thus far. He’s well aware that so far, he hasn’t been asked for anything completely outside his comfort zone, that, for whatever reason, the hardest of his boundaries have been respected. He thinks he might have Roman’s influence to thank for that, but he doubts it will last. No, more than that, he knows it won’t. And, as much as he wants to reassure himself that when it comes to it he will do what is right… some part of him, buried deep, knows that he’ll answer the call.

What are your thoughts on the war between the Capulets and the Montagues?

There is a freedom in this answer, for as neither Bellamy nor Benvolio has he ever hidden his opinion on this front. “ It’s bloody fucking stupid, isn’t it. ” He snorts, then sighs and waves a hand. “ No one even remembers what started the whole thing off, and it’s well past the point where anyone can actually win anything… even if one side cleared up tomorrow, more has been lost than they’d ever get back so what’s the bloody point? At this point it’s just mutually assured destruction.” He sighs, and wilts a bit. “ Not that either side will ever admit that. ”

Extras: Pinterest board

#accepted #accepted: benvolio