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#euphoria wants what they have sooo bad
skrunksthatwunk · 9 months
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y'know as a genderfluid lesbian one of the things that's made me hesitate in thinking about going on T is worrying that girls won't like me (in a gay way in a sapphic way) if i have facial hair. but then i remember that goromi exists and it's like oh nevermind it'll just make me a hotter woman AND a happier man. problem solved
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pasta-in-the-pudding · 3 months
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jeff the killer x ftm!reader headcanons? sfw and nsfw? maybe a short fluff
I dont do nsfw fics, so sorry! But i will do the other things listed <33
Thank you so much for requesting!!
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Jeff x ftm!reader
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Honestly he doesn't really care that your trans
I mean that in a good way like, just tell him your pronouns and preferred name and he's good to go calling you that
And when you join Slender's business a required field ok your basic info sheet are your assigned sex, pronouns and preferred name
So when you are introduced to everyone in the manor, it is using those pronouns and name anyways
But if you want to make coming out to jeff special, you are of course free to do that!
Jeff tries being supportive in all the ways he can, but being a cis man himself he doesn't quite understand some things
"Why are you taking up the sink with your nasty sweaty binder? I brush my teeth in there dude! Just chuck it in the wash!!"
(He does not brush his teeth don't listen to him)
He's very used to using more feminine terms for his affection, such as "doll, baby, gorgeous, etc" but if you want him to use more masculine pet names then he will call you things such as "handsome, pretty boy, etc"
He gasses you up sooo much omg
literally it does not matter what you do, he will always be trying to make you feel comfortable in your skin
"Your haircut looks so good, you're so handsome!!"
"That shirt makes you look really masc, babe"
If you have medical help, he will also gas you up about that (not that he wouldn't if you don't have medical help, he loves you and sees you as a man either way <33)
Like if you start to grow facial hair he will always be touching it
He loves having a partner with facial hair you have no idea
He will rub his hands on it, rub his face on it, etc
if you shave it he will be sad :(
If you get any surgeries, he will be there to help with recovery and will also throw you a mini party the day you get home from the hospital
And medical intervention or not, there will always be bad dysphoria days
He will be there to help you through it
Lending you his clothes, lending you his cologne, helping you cut your hair, anything
And maybe you just wanna be held and told you're valid
That's ok, too
He will always be down to tell you how handsome you are
Fluff scenario
You woke up bright and early, getting ready excitedly. Today, you were getting a haircut! (Whether you have long or short hair is up to you ofc). You start to get ready in your favorite outfit, checking to make sure you like how you look and heading down the stairs.
Once you make it to the bottom, you see Jeff waiting for you at the front door. "You ready?" He asks. He isn't going to be going with you, because he wants your new haircut to be a surprise, but that won't stop him from giving you one last kiss before you go. You share a sweet peck on the lips, before nodding. "Yep! Say goodbye to this old hair, I'll be a new man when i'm back"
He sighs and runs his fingers through it. "I'll miss it, you know" You smile and kiss his nose. "It's ok. You'll learn to love the new hair." And with that you leave.
When you get back you immediately go searching for Jeff. You throw open his bedroom door. "Tada!" You say excitedly. He sits up on his bed and marvels at your new hairstyle "Wow, babe! It looks great!" he says, standing up to come embrace you. You put your hands on his hips and pull him close to your body. "You really think so?" you ask. He smiles and kisses your forehead while nodding. "Yeah, it suits you. Very handsome." Your smile turns into a grin and you attack your boyfriend with kisses, allowing him to feel the same euphoria that just flooded through your body.
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sagau-my-beloved · 1 year
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Share the suggestive sagau content please, if your writing/creating it I know its good!
-Rapid anon
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You're all way too nice to me 😭
But I guess since I now have a general consensus I'm not gonna hold out, so warning it gets slightly more than suggestive a bit down the road, starts off pretty safe though
So I wasn't kidding that this concept, in one form or another, has been floating around in my head for like two years now
Obviously it didn't start out as sagau centered but it transitions so easily into that universe so I've expanded upon it
Basically the general structure is based off of how in sagau fics it's always kind of implied that the very land of Teyvat itself reflects the creators emotional/physical state
Like heavy storms/rain in imposter au where poor reader is getting hurt/killed by the characters, and the less seen counterpart where the day is just beautiful and perfect when reader is happy
Soooo, taking that, why don't we apply it to characters as well?
And by that I simply mean that the reader's emotions quite literally extend from themselves and can be felt lowkey by anybody close to them
So if the reader is happy then it's almost as if it's impossible to be anything else in their presence, happiness and bliss just permeates throughout the room lifting the spirits of anyone that comes in contact with
Then of course, if the reader is sad, every living thing near them suffers the same pain
It's also considered a universally good thing even if the reader is experiencing negative emotions, which are then also felt by other people in the general vicinity, because at least then all the acolytes know exactly what their beloved creator is feeling and the moment when they're feeling bad, it's not as if it can be hidden, which then allows them to jump right in and try fixing it
I headcanon that this sensation is obviously stronger the closer to the source, aka the creator, that a character is, the strongest of this sensation being felt when the character is physically touching the reader
I feel like there's just a very big variety of what you can do with this concept, like having usually sad/depressed characters finding relief in the creators presence, happy energetic characters instantly feeling waves of negative emotions and just booking it to where the creator is to calm them
You could even extend it further and have this happen in a less dramatic way with the creator statues, if the reader is still in their own world
Like it becomes a daily ritual to visit the creator statue to touch it and feel exactly what they're feeling, it's a sacred place of relief for tired fighters, stressed akademiya students, and sad acolytes who want nothing more than to just bask in the warmth of the divine creator, and if they're met with a negative emotion it's customary to leave an offering and a prayer for the creators wellbeing
Now, moving into the more suggestive aspect of it, and I'm sure you can see exactly where I'm going with this but—
All feelings are amplified for others near them, including pleasure and arousal
Sooo, just saying, there's a lot of potential for some fun drabbles where maybe a particular character quite literally gets addicted to the intense bliss felt from merely touching our dear reader
Or maybe something more like said character can get off on focusing solely on pleasing their creator and the effects of that (not as if they couldn't already, but now it's a bit more literal)
And, in a few things I've written, I've also extended this concept so that the previously mentioned euphoria gets so intense that it becomes something of a baseline, as in there's an actual feeling of pain or at least discomfort from being without it, cough character abandoning all dignity and begging to touch the creator cough
Taking the phrase "addicted to your touch" to a whole new level 😀👍
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thequeenpapaya · 1 month
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My first Hazbin fic I suppose. Trigger warning for ED content, don’t read if it could be triggering <3 take care of yourself babes. Very important!
(Fic below the cut)
“Are you really eating all that?”
“You’ll get fat, I’m surprised you’re not already.”
He usually just tells people to fuck off, or laughs about it. It irks him that stupid comments from nobodies even stick to him, that they matter to him. They shouldn’t.
He’s above that.
At least, Adam likes to think he is.
He used to be. Before it started to really sink in, he supposed. Before phones started becoming a thing in heaven. But he’s still above it, right?
He’s the first man. If anything, other people should be looking to HIM for the ideal. Not the other way around.
So he doesn’t really know why he spends his time worrying. Why he grits his teeth and scrolls through social media posts about ways to look better. Be better.
Portion control. Exercise. Counting calories. Don’t eat too much. Eat the right things.
But that’s the problem. Adam feels like he can’t. He would never admit it, but he doesn’t want to exercise beyond what he already does. He’s lazy. He doesn’t want to count calories and eat only healthy things.
It just tastes too good. His guilty pleasures. The grease of it, the feeling of the food on his tastebuds. It makes him happy, in the moment at least. Even if the aftermath isn’t as serotonin filled as the act of eating itself gives.
But he found a workaround, a way to have the best of both worlds… a way to get an even better feeling of euphoria. One that makes the enjoyment of food seem like just the buildup for the real drug. So euphoric as he revels in the feeling he gets of emptiness and control.
And yet it’s so… dirty. Like a secret you keep from everyone out of fear they’d find you disgusting. The thought of anyone knowing how he keeps in shape fills him with a deep sense of dread.
But it’s not wrong. He’s not doing anything bad. Angels are supposed to be perfect, in all ways. If he has to shove his fingers down his throat to stay slim, what’s the harm? It’s not hurting him.
Not physically.
And just because he thinks about food a lot, what to eat, and how to purge, when to purge, if he got it all up… well—that doesn’t mean it’s affecting him mentally either! He’s just dedicated to the craft.
He’s fine. Obviously. It’s just everyone else that would act weird about it. It’s a them problem.
“Sir, are you okay?” Lute’s voice pierces through the brain fog. Adam didn’t even realize he was spacing out before her eyes narrow at him… in, concern? No, maybe just annoyance.
“Uhhh… yeah? Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?” Adam grins at her like it was a dumb question to even ask. Because it was.
“You’ve been quiet for the past five minutes.” Her voice is even and factual. Arms folded behind her back, same still pose.
“And that’s not allowed? Jesus, can’t do anything these days.”
“It’s just not like you. You usually talk more.”
Yeah, he knows that. It wasn’t like he meant to space out. He was just… thinking. Adam grips his wrist, subconsciously wrapping his fingers around it. Not that it told him much—he had long fingers. But it soothed him to be able to wrap them around anyway, all the way. With space to spare too.
“What, you just wanted to hear my awesome voice? You can just say that instead of acting all—eughh… worried?” Adam sticks his tongue out in disgust. “Sooo not like you, freaks me the fuck out. Don’t. It’s cringe.”
Lute groans, rolling her eyes at him. Clearly whatever concern she might have had evaporated when he went back to acting normal again. Which was good. He didn’t need it.
He was so in the clear.
“… have you lost weight?”
Or not. What the f—
“What? No? Why?” Adam replies, extremely quickly too. A nervous laugh leaving him as he realizes how absolutely guilty he sounds. It was just a question, chill out. It was a good thing too, so why the reaction?
“Err… I mean, yeah I have. Just a little bit, I guess. Why are you even asking?”
“Because you look thinner, that’s why I asked.” Lute really never takes any shit, does she? Always straight to the point… Adam did like that about her.
“Thanks. I work for this body, you know?~” Adam raises an eyebrow as he smirks at her. He felt a little more happy, more confident. Nobody really commented on his body, well, outside sex.
“It wasn’t meant as a compliment.”
That cut his mood instantly. His smile dropped off his face as if it had never even been there at all.
“Excuse you? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He didn’t intend for his response to sound so defensive and angry. It just came out like that, and he couldn’t calm down. He wasn’t even registering that he should try to cool down.
Lute notices the shift, of course. Her eyes narrowing further at him, like she’s analyzing him. His behavior. Adam feels uncomfortable, which only fuels the defensiveness.
“I mean that you’ve been getting thinner for a while, I just didn’t see a point in bringing it up before now.” Hearing her say that frustrated Adam more. What did she mean she’d noticed? And hadn’t even complimented him at all!? Honestly, rude if you ask him.
“And why would you bring it up now then?” He asks, glaring a little.
“Because you’re starting to look unhealthy.” Her gaze is now very accusatory. Like she’s expecting him to give some sort of explanation.
“I’m sorry, unhealthy? Me? Don’t even—I’m hot as fuck! I’m peak fucking performance right here!” Adam laughs, it’s a little forced. Sounding more like he can’t believe this conversation is even being had.
“I’m not fucking unhealthy. I look great, the best I ever have as a matter of fact. How would you know what the fuck I look like anyway? My outfit is loose.” Now he’s the one narrowing his eyes at her. He knew she was perceptive, but he didn’t think anyone could really… see his body.
“I can just tell. What does it matter how?” Lute scowls, already getting fed up with him.
“It matters because it’s a fucking lie.” Adam didn’t think he looked bad. If anything he was happier with how he looked now then what he did before.
Lute scoffs, and stays quiet for a few seconds. Thinking to herself. Then she gets this look, like she just put something together. The expression on her face says it all about how she feels.
“You know it’s a sin to—“ Lute starts to speak, her tone cold, and Adam already knows what she’s going to say. Because she’s mentioned it before. That she thinks he’s weird for always disappearing for so long into the bathroom after he eats. Maybe she really had figured it out.
After all, he is eating like a pig most days, yet he’s losing some weight? Maybe nobody but her notices because nobody else cares to notice.
But he knows— she wouldn’t approve, she doesn’t seem like she’s about to approve that’s for sure.
So he cuts her off before she can finish.
“You know what? I’m done with this conversation. If you’re gonna be a bitch, I don’t wanna listen.”
He scoffs and stalks off. Frustration and anger boiling in his chest. Nobody had any right to tell him he was somehow not right, he was completely fine. Perfect even.
Despite telling himself this, all the feelings bubble and boil inside him. Going from his chest and settling in his stomach. Feeling heavy. Like the heavy feeling of a meal weighing him down like bricks, solid cement in his stomach.
He doesn’t want to feel like this. And there’s always one thing that makes him feel lighter. Better. Emptier.
Finding himself back in front of the toilet, on his knees. A common occurrence for him by now, his mask off to the side, on top of the sink. Blank face looking down at him as he shoves two long fingers all the way back into his throat…
Adam doesn’t know when it went from just a thought, to doing it. From only doing it when he overate on sweets. To only when he ate sweets and when he ate too much in a meal. To only each meal. To only… everytime he eats.
He doesn’t even have anything to throw up. As he gags and coughs, the back of his throat convulsing around his fingers as he presses down. Only pulling them out last second as he retches, when stomach acid burns his mouth and spill out.
Only once is never enough, of course. He always needs to make sure the bile is clear. That there’s nothing left. That usually takes a while, since he tends to eat a lot in one go. He’s gonna puke it anyway, so why not go crazy?
But it’s already clear. So why does he shove his fingers in again? Because that high hasn’t come yet? The feeling of euphoria he gets knowing he got rid of it all?
Maybe once he purges these uncomfortable feelings, he’ll stop. His stomach already feels lighter, cleaner. It hurt too, but it hurt in the best way possible.
It’s not before he sees speck of golden blood splash into the water that he stops. Not because he’s worried, he knows he will be fine. He’s an angel, he’s fucking Adam. He’s always gonna be fine.
Blood just meant he was doing it as right as he could… yeah?
He coughs a little. Hand wet with saliva, dripping down his forearm. He flushes the vomit and stands up, feeling much lighter then when he knelt down.
Looking at his reflection as he washes his hands felt like looking at a stranger at times. He rarely went without his mask… seeing his pale face staring back at him, eyes red and teary. Slightly puffy cheeks contrasting his thin hands. Golden feathers behind him looking dull, lifeless.
All he can think in that moment isn’t that he doesn’t look well, that maybe he’s not so fine. Because it’s not normal to do this, is it? Nobody else seems to do it here, if they do they aren’t talking about it.
No… all he can think about is how the puffy cheeks make him look fat. It makes him feel sick all over again, the only thing keeping him from punching the mirror is the fact he puts his mask back on before he gets overwhelmed.
But he’s fine. He always will be. Adam smiles, the holographic face staring back betrays no sort of turmoil he might be feeling deep down.
If he can’t see his own pain, then nobody else will either. He doesn’t want them to… he doesn’t want to.
“You got this. You’re fine, better than fine.”
Adam almost believes it himself. That’s all that matters right now. If he believes it, it’s true.
It has to be.
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olderthannetfic · 10 months
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Discourse about that show, The Idol, is so frustrating because it boils down to violent sex icky and this is misogynistic. The director is a creep because he just wants to film women just being pornographically sexy.
I'm sorry but his shit is aimed at adults. I don't care. Be more concerned about abuse of power on the sets*, which there is a concern from his previous show Euphoria. Some actors did come forward to say they felt pressured to get naked or show parts of their bodies they didn't want to show. The Idol doesn't seem to be having that issue so far. We'll see when it's done airing and time passes but in the meantime, it seems like Lily-Rose, the leading actress empty eyes and hard nipples first, is going above her workload to say she felt fine on set. I like her, she seems like a nice and positive person in general.
I don't even care about the show that much. I do not doubt at all that you missed that this show was a thing because when teasers and trailers dropped it was met with a resounding "This is gonna be fucking miiiid". The thing is try hard...shock? People are saying it's supposed to be satire? A parody? I don't believe that because they used shock marketing. All their promotion is about it being "transgressive". And it worked somehow. Media people hopped on it being sooo offensive and basically "torture porn" and that's why it's bad when it's really just boring and shallow and maybe gross(if you think cum is shocking and gross that is, which the show and offended audiences seem to think so). They picked things that sounded edgy but invoked nothing. It's not visceral enough to be "torture porn" if the point is so to see our leading star get fucked and get fucked up. But there's only like 1 ep out.
I can go on but let's end it here. There's so much to talk about the reaction to this show and the show itself yet it feels like it makes the most boring conversation. It's a bizarre feeling I'm having. The inanity of this overblown controversy is not lost on me. How do you "Think of the Children" with only adults involved. Clutching pearls for who? For what? It can't be for giving a fuck about safety on set because that's an afterthought with most people. It's objectifying and misogynistic! Hun, if you've watched straight porn it's nothing you haven't seen before. In fact, it's less satisfying. It's a boring try hard sex show. I'm a liar, I said I would shut the fuck up. Bye.
*I know about the woman writer/director ousted because they didn't like the script going in a female-perspective direction and I don't know how exactly to feel about that. One hand, not a good vibe. The other, it's his production. Letting go a writer for not following your artistic vision is not uncommon. The reason just gives you the ick. Funny how they can't come close to putting that amount of sleaze into the actual show that they claim it to be. This is not getting into the apparent hellish production cycle which I wish was more in the spotlight. It was an on the fly disorganized mess from beginning to end.
--
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horsefriend · 4 hours
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Ohhhh soooo much to talk about!! Not because anything has happened but just because I'm me, and it banks up, and I don't go to therapy. I started somewhat earnestly tracking my health day to day. It's something I hate doing because reviewing the data makes me... . in a super light hearted ironic non serious way... want to kill myself. 3 ok days out of 30 and 6 WORST PAIN. And the rest just sort of like, pretty bad. Two instances of pre or post migraine euphoria which I will take to the bank absolutely. I did start to wonder if my main problem is migraines. But you could point at any number of things I guess. Anyway so I did actually go and get my eyes checked the other day after spending sooo long meaning to. To be honest I've become a bit head shy about medical appointments. To the point where often someone will come out and check on me in a waiting room. Which suprises me every fucking time because I'm like SURE I'm acting cool. Some big part of it would be that pots make u look floptina arena.... Um anyway they said my eye muscles are weak which is so funny cos it fits the whole failure to thrive thing I've got going on and ALSO they said the pressure in my eyeballs is HIGH which I very much feel is true emotionally I do feel like they're gonna fully explode. But he was like you gotta see a neurologist and I was like :| yees. I do have a referral to a neurologist but it's too expensive. And I think it will be an expensive trip for nothing and I'll feel bad about myself. Look, I had a ct of my head and it was fine!! So if there's no worm I don't really wanna go. It feels like the same kinda payoff as seeing a rheumatologist like, it's who you get referred to on a technicality like not because there is an objective in mind. And I actually did say to my GP like what is my objective here like does a neurologist have a treatment and he kinda just looked at me. We're such good friends. Oh, the nerve pain!! Well. Indeed not necessarily fixed in the workshop of a neurologist.
Umm. Oh I deleted that dating app because the way that I fucking hate ppl and the way that they fucking hate me right back is actually shocking. You putting your best foot forward is saying, I go to the gym and then posting a picture of you at the gym. We all know this is demented yes. Nice thighs tho. How is it that you love someone anyway? For me it takes 3 years. Do you just pick someone with good music taste and hang around for 3 years trying to pass these secret loyalty tests while being always on and available to meet the infinite (secret) needs of ANOTHER person. It's worse than a full time job. Or an MMO. At least if you stop playing an MMO it's not gonna go around telling its wee friends how evil you are and every weird thing you ever said. And that you fuck bad.
Alright well other than that, I have a couple minor side plots/schemes that are cooking away (confidential). Still really into porridge. And hot dogs. Byebye
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one-strugling-bean · 20 days
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Some quotes from "Much Obliged, Jeeves" that i adore:
«[...]but whereas I sang a good deal as we buzzed along, he [Jeeves] maintained, as is his custom, the silent reserve of a stuffed frog, never joining in the chorus, though cordially invited to.»
«'I'm sorry to say I do,' said Spode, speaking like Sherlock Holmes asked if he knew Professor Moriarty.» «Mingled with the ecstasy which the sight of him aroused in my bosom was a certain surprise that he should be acting as cup-bearer.»
(more under the cut)
«'Euphoria.' 'I what?' 'That's what it's called, Jeeves tells me, feeling like that.' 'Oh, I see. I just call it being happy, happy, happy.'»
«Bertie, are you going straight now?' 'I beg your pardon?'»
«Pardon me, your tie.' 'What's wrong with it?' 'Everything, sir. If you will allow me.' 'All right, go ahead. But I can't help asking myself if ties really matter at a time like this.' There is no time when ties do not matter, sir.'»
«Especially as a few moments before this person appeared I had been interrupted by an extraordinary young man who gave me the impression of being half-witted.' 'That would have been my nephew, Bertram Wooster.' «Oh, I beg your pardon.' 'Quite all right.'»
«How about Jeeves?' 'What about him?' '[...] up till now Jeeves has always been right. His agony on finding that he has at last made a floater will be frightful. I shouldn't wonder if he might not swoon. I can't face him. You'll have to tell him.' 'Yes, I'll do it.' 'Try to break it gently.' 'I will.»
«He would have risen at my approach, but I begged him to remain seated, for I knew that Augustus, like L. P. Runkle, resented being woken suddenly, and one always wants to consider a cat's feelings.»
«No joke for a girl who thinks she's going to be the Countess of Sidcup to have the fellow say «April fool, my little chickadee. What you're going to be is Mrs Spode.»
«'Had bad news, has she?' 'No, sir, she was struck by a turnip.'»
«Her greeting could not have been more cordial. An aunt's love oozed out from every syllable. 'Hullo, you revolting object,' she said. 'So you're back.'»
«Getting hit in the eye with that potato changed his plans completely.»
Ngl, i had a few more cat-related quotes, but this post is already big enough sooo yea
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today was nice question mark
this morning was not like especially horrible but like pretty bad and then i was going to cancel it but didn’t want to actually ask to cancel it so my mom picked me up at like 12:45 to go and to the animal shelter i volunteer at and for some reason like right before the ride there my mood just like got 100x better and the ride there was so enjoyable like my mom wasn’t talking to me so i just got to listen to music (i’ve had punisher on repeat all day) and look out the window and like it was very nice weather and the ride is like 45 minutes all the way across the city so there was like a decent amount to see and i loveeeee people watching like genuinely like !! and i love seeing like all the graffiti and murals and bumper stickers and animals and every just everything ahhhh and then i went to the shelter and the cats were being so sweet i actually like prompted someone to adopt the specific cat i was socializing and then i had to print stuff so my mom took me to her house and i like never do this bcs my mom doesn’t usually let me but i just like didn’t ask her and i just walked around my neighborhood for like over an hr and i saw a cool punk person who i complimented and i picked up some trash to reuse for collage and i got a monster bcs duh and i had music on blast the whole time and it was so nice like :3 to be fair i was like also nauseatingly anxious the whole time for no real reason but like i mostly ignored that and tbh it was also nice bcs like i by myself made the day better for me instead of doing the opposite which is what i usually do so likee
oh wait photo dump time ok
[i took a bunch of photos of cool graffiti and art and places too but i don’t feel like putting them here so]
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ooo kitty from the shelter awww
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whatt it’s me getting a monster ?! guys i love monster i love the pink I LOVE THE COLOR PINK !!!!! umm also excuse the boring outfit i’ve been in the same clothes since like thursday evening but bcs i was like going out in public i finally changed but i didn’t have the energy to like actually wear cool clothes sooo but also my closet is like strictly alt stuff anyways i happened to pick out a very convenient outfit though at least bcs tank tops give me like genuinely ridiculous amounts of gender euphoria but also i hate wearing short sleeves bcs it’s very sensory intense to but i also grabbed my hoodie so like i got the tank top ness but also hoodie ness and also i love my hoodie it’s like so old but it has like the best feel to it
butttt i forgot i don’t have more photos with those from before oops wtvr in other news dead end is a really good show watch it and punisher is truly an amazing album that phoebe bridgers definitely took from my non existent diary (obviously) ummmm guys i never know what i’m saying ever i don’t remember what i said i remember thinking like omg this sounds pathetic and also thinking abt how one time on twt i saw someone say that :3 would sound like the mlp smile noise ok iii should shut up now byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
(get it like the owl house hahaha ok)
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zuc6 · 2 years
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HEY! 😎 im a new fic writer, well like- not new but this is my first time writing like a introduction kinda thing so: (not proofread ☠️)
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UPDATE AT THE BOTTOM FOR THOSE WHO'VE ALREADY SEEN THIS POST!! 😁😁😁
Hi, im vee. Just vee. Not short for any name or anything, my pronouns are she/they (afab🤙). i like to write oddly specific fan fiction that i dont necessarily see a lot 🦾
Im 17, 6'2 (the hoes gon loooove this), and here are some things im open to writing for
(ALSO feel free to leave requests i love other people's ideas)
Stranger Things
i WILL write for stranger things characters but im open to aging some up but if im uncomfortable im just like..not gonna...do it..
DEFINETLY open to writing like Joyce x Fem!Reader, since i havent seen that yet
Especially Milfs. Milfs 4ever.
CHARACTER POV'S, I've noticed in fics theyre usually from the readers perspective so its like only what the reader thinks of whatever character. Now while i like that i think itd be super fun to throw in what the character thinks of reader. like what they think of you, what they like, what the notice, shit like that!
The Last Of Us
WOOP i love the last of us. by the last of us i mean ellie williams and abby anderson
Im open to Ellie smut, Abby smut, Ellie AND Abby smut, whatever you want fr.
obviously not open to writing smut of minors so if you just so happened to let the thought cross your mind, no 😓
Idk how i feel about Joel x Reader shit considering Joel is like grandpappy but ive seen a lot of people open to it so dont lose hope if u were wondering
Euphoria
OK DONT BUG OUT im not like gonna write shit about underage characters like i said before
If you guys want euphoria shit tho im open to like angst or fluff mainly with like rue because obviously drugs rahrahrah
or like imagine being Fez's younger sister (only by like a year) Like fluff bond with Ash, showing him affection when hes not used to it, being close to rue bc drugs rahrahrah and like sister in law relationship with Lexi ykyk?
(i cant think of shit else)
Random shit ill write:
Reader listening to rock and being an epic hottie
Reader playing instrumentssss
I lean more towards Fem or Gn reader but i will do male reader dw
Reader being emo 😎 jk like metal lover reader
I will of course leave room for imagination but also include like Reader outfit photos
Reader having good sense of music, style, being shy, anxiety, panic attacks, angsty feelings, drama and trauma oooo
pet names
bold, punk, jerk or like asshole reader
Lots of aus, and like modern au bc im annoying
i was thinking of doing like a crossover of like Robin x Vickie but Vickies past is Anne with an E since theyre the same actor yk? it would be difficult to figure out since the timelines in each are so different
anything u want
will NOT write:
age play, baby talk, annoyingly cliche submissive shit, get that shit out of here
i wont romanticize domestic violence or make light of abusive relationship dynamics, hell noooo 🙅🏽‍♀️
Emotional whiplash, i want things to make sense
animal play. if you wanna be a bunny demon angel wolf hybrid please screw off 😭
Any kinks im uncomfy w (ex. piss kink 😦) ill let u know what im not okay with writing
tbp smut ☠️☠️
OKAY HI i wrote this and got extremely busy and just fucking like bonked out so here i am returning. i was gonna delste this account and make a new one because i didnt wanna like write this, disappear, and then come back and act like i never left sooo im back woop woop!
I HAVE GREAT NEWS THO! during my time away i found a new interest to latch myself onto and write about... and that isss...
THE BLACK PHONE
WOOOOOOOO I LOVE THIS MOVIE!!! and rinney is so fucking cool. i love those little gays, man
rinney fluff and angst is needed so bad i love them with my soul, man
gonna say this once again, im not gonna write smut about kids so pLEASE if any minor hunters read all the way down here just for that, take this moment to consider jumping out of the highest window possible 🙏
fix-it au's and modern au's are gonna be my main go to when writing tbp content because i uh... suck...at writing fics that take place in the fucking 70's in denver ☠️
FIX-IT AU, like finney getting another chance is so good im foaming at the mouth. im currently obsessed with @starsthatlinethesky 's fic on that so (PLEASE) go check that shit out its so good!
brance, MAYBE, most likely. i love bruce hes so sweet and vance is cool so i probably will write shit about those little gay men
terrance and finney's mom place swap. i want to write about finney and gwen being able to be happy without terrance and his destruction so hes getting erased at least once or twice 😊
gwen pov fics since i havent seen a lot of that
stranger things x tbp crossovers are so cool. like finney/will where will moves for whatever reason w his dad after season 2 or 3 since itd make the most sense. i love that shit
not writing smut but i probably will age everyone up a bit once or twice 🤘
i dont know if im gonna end up making x reader shit but if i do, reader isnt gonna be a preppy giddy child, theyre gonna be a punk, an asshole, a badass, closed off and overall AWESOME. you're welcome 🤗
other than that its pretty much fine, if u have any other like show ideas i might be open to write for hmu in the requests babeee MWA MWA
-Vee
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For Ask Friday: I know you favor Elves above the other Middle-earth races, but who are your favorite characters among the other three races?
Favorite Man? Favorite Dwarf? Favorite Hobbit? And why? :)
I do so love my androgynous homies. Aesthetic goals 😭😭😭 My non-binary ass loves them and wants to be their aesthetic sooo bad. Male elves are gender euphoria aka very very good gender vibes for me
However, while they may be my favorite lotr race, I personally am a hobbit were I to be suddenly transmigrated to Arda. (I can hope to be an elf though, I’m so tired of being short!)
Favorite Hobbit: Samwise Gamgee
First, he is a hobbit and I don’t have Fellowship in front of me right now, but if you take the first 10 pages with It’s descriptions of hobbits and how they are, that’s me. He cooks, he’s loyal, he’s sweet, I want him to be my best friend. His capacity for love is so big. He’s acab hobbit. Love him.
Very Close Runner up: Meriadoc Brandybuck/Merry because of how much effort he puts into a) keeping his friends safe and b) into creating and protecting the historical records of Middle-Earth.
Favorite Dwarf: From what I’ve seen, I really like Disa and also Durin and Elrond’s relationship in RoP and Balin from the Hobbit! (I also ship Disa x Elrond x Durin; ot3! OT3!)
I don’t know a lot about the dwarves honestly? I’ve only seen pieces of the Hobbit and RoP for a variety of reasons (mostly ethical Amazon RoP reasons or I don’t like it reasons the Hobbit- why whyyyyyy did they have to use that godsawful cgi ughhhh).
Favorite Race of “Man”: Eowyn
She’s badass. That’s it. She’s a very well-developed, emotionally deep, complex female character in lotr. I in no way mean that as a diminishment of her character, just sometimes (oftentimes) the bar is low. But I love her (even through all her cringe, healing moments) and her loyalty and power and strength and healing.
I also reeeally enjoy Eomer, Boromir, and Faramir all for different reasons. It’s just that Eowyn always wins.
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vrisrezis · 1 year
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General hcs for ur Bnha favs and a trans s/o (bonus points for trans Bnha hcs u have lol)
YASSSSSSSSS anyways I’m here for the transfem hcs I’m sorry . It’s always my preference since I have a trans gf LOL <3 I love transmasc hcs too ofc tho
Tw since I mention some .. “parental” figures being transphobic
Also when I say aka I just mean that the hc is they changed their name to whatever new name I put .
Katsuki - Aka Suki she/her transfem
She’s always supportive of a trans s/o, a lot of her support would be shown through helping you pick outfits out. She has a really good fashion sense so she’s able to help out regardless of gender, and it’s easy for her to recognize what clothes would make you the most comfortable. She’s good at a lot of fashion shit, hair, hats, etc she’s got it down.
Izuku - Aka izumi she/her transfem
Much more vocal than suki would be about being supportive. Always makes you feel valid in your identity and nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself because of it. Shes much more into positive affirmations when it comes to how you identify. She knows for some it’s hard to believe but she will do everything in her power to make sure you believe it and to make sure you’re content with yourself.
Touya - aka Dabi she/they transfem and non binary
Dabi knows what it’s like to be treated like shit for how you identify so she truly sympathizes with you. They’re always there for you though, and is also really patient when it comes to you coming out. It’s really a different experience when your both criminals, but she will burn anybody to a crisp that tries to make you feel like shit for how you identify. She knows how to do piercings, tattoos, etc so if it helps you feel more gender euphoria she’s glad to assist.
Tenko - aka tomura she/it transfem and non binary
It always listens to you when you wanna vent about anything, she understands tbh. Even her supposed caretaker isn’t the most accepting of how it identifies, but she’s at a point in her life where it could care less. However she wants you to be comfortable. Not the best with good clothing but had toga to help out with that. Really just a good listener and being a person that can truly understand you.
Himiko she/her transfem
Toga is sooo accepting and really great at helping you transition and with your fashion sense. Doesn’t matter who it is, she’s so quick to threaten if anyone makes the grave mistake of misgendering you, on purpose or not she does not take that lightly in the slightest. Especially since she knows what it was like for both her and big sis magne.
Rumi she/her transfem
If your nervous about coming out, miruko will detect it quickly and makes you wonder why you were even nervous in the first place. She can be overwhelming with her support, but she means well. Always going out her way to buy you things that she thinks would look super cute on you and would affirm your gender identity, she is patient with you for once in her life as well lmao. She’s all kinds of good when it comes to you and how you identify.
Fuyumi transfem she/her
So sweet to you, she makes you feel so comfortable and makes sure you know to take your time with things. It’s okay to not come out to everyone right away, or at all if it’s for safety reasons. She’s always there for you, and she loves you always. This simply doesn’t change a thing. Is happy to help you out if you need advice on how to transition. There’s no proper way, anyhow.
Shouto she/her transfem (I feel like she’d keep her name)
Accepting of course. I think she doesn’t see it as a big deal but she’s of course going to support you and any needs you may have. She’s not knowledgeable on a lot of gender identities outside of being trans, non binary or genderfluid so any other identity needs to be explained but she learns very quickly. She’s also a great listener when you want to vent.
Mina transfem she/her
So loving and accepting, she’s so excited to help you transition in any way you want. But please tell her if she’s rushing you, she gets in over her head and gets wayyy too excited about helping you out. It’s just that transitioning made her so happy and made her into a person she likes, and she wants you to have that confidence about yourself too!
Ejirou transmasc he/him
Very supportive as always, no surprise there. He’s loving and does everything in his power to help you transition and feel more confident in yourself. Will refrain from calling you manly if it makes you uncomfortable because he loves you so much and never wants you to feel bad about yourself.
Denki non binary he/they
Such a supportive boyfriend wow, always there to lift your confidence up. More masculine, they will match with you. More feminine? Same deal. You’re always supportive of their dresses and skirts, of course he’s supportive of you and every choice you make. Pretty bad fashion sense though, only reason they have it decent is because of their mother lol.
Kyoka transmasc non binary he/him
He is supportive and has a sick fashion sense so he can always help you out. Always there for good support, and he and momo help you out a lot. Denki too tbh lol. He’s also good at listening and helping you get your frustrations out through scream singing lol.
Fumikage transmasc non binary they/them
They’re good at listening, as well as giving banger ass advice on dealing with people and dealing with some “inner demons” and they’re always a good person to vent to about things. They like picking out goth clothes for you.
Hanta he/they/it genderfluid
So helpful, the kinda guy to make jokes about you both being trans too LOL they can’t help it… it’s funny … but other than jokes from time to time sero does take your identity seriously, but man it’s just not good at fashion. Or even good at advice really. But a good person to lean on when you have nobody else.
Hawks she/her transfem
She’s a good support system, and rich enough to get you any surgery, any clothes, any estrogen (I forget the male version but that too LOL) she’s extremely helpful and kind about it. And so very patient with you about it cause she knows how hard it is being trans. But she will always protect you, in the end.
Neito transmasc he/him
He may be the worst but he’s still good enough to support his love, he’s not transphobic and has always been so supportive with you about things even when he’s not vocal about it. Has a horrible fashion sense but insists he can help you with it and he has better taste in fashion than you do, lol,
Shouta transfem non binary they/she
Aizawa is supportive obviously. Tries to help you and be there for you, they typically will opt for others helping you fashion wise since she’s not the best, but other than that is actually really helpful and gives good advice.
Tamaki non binary transfem they/she
Tries to support you but has horrible fashion sense, leaves that to nejire and mirio. They help out with your transition with other things. Whether it he listening to you vent or trying to make you feel affirmed in your identity.
Nejire transfem she/her
So loudly openly supportive . She has good intentions tho. She just love you a lot and she’s so happy you’ve come out and she wants to help you any way that she can help you even if it’s only a little bit lol.
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browneyes-issac · 2 years
Text
Memphis pt 5: Gimme Gimme!
Frankie Morales x F!reader
Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, 18+ ONLY PLEASE!! Smuttt!!
Oral ( female receiving) light description of both male and female bodies. Unprotected p in v sex ( she has an IUD) Dirty talk. ( that I'm really bad at.. 😆🙈 )
If I missed anything, please shoot me a DM or ask and ill get it added! 💞🤗
AN: I put "and then 👀😏😉" for the opening line just to be a brat... 🤣🤭 Keep ya guessing and wanting to hit the read more.. 🤭😆
Title is totally inspired by the mamma Mia/Abba. 🤣 it'll make sense after you read it. 🤭
Tons and tonssss of thanks to these two wonderful ladies for letting me go crazy about this part in dms and for reading through it for me. 🤗💞😘 Always endlessly greatful for youuuu!! 😙 @stxrrylunatic & @supernaturalgirl20
Some keynotes/translations:
When there is words in this font and have (") it is internal thoughts. When it is the font by itself it's me describing what the setting looks like, more in depth of what's going in their head, stuff like that. 😊
All translation is from Spanish. I just went to Google and asked what it was in Spanish, lol. If I got it wrong shot me an ask or a DM. 🤗💞
cariño - sweetheart
mierda - fuck/shit
Summary: Spicyyyy timeeee!! 🤗😈😉 ( I dont know how else to summarize this... 😆🙈 )
Memphis masterlist
Main masterlist
Ok so... I'll let you guys guess why I chose this gif... 🤭👀😈
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And then.... 👀😏😉
Frankie kisses up the rest of your inner thigh to your core. He kisses so sweetly around your entrance a few times.. After he's done, he dives right in.. He first kisses your bundle of nerves, darts his tongue out oh so slowly to lick and taste you even more.. After he's done doing that an amount of times of his liking.. He starts to moving his tongue in such a heavenly sinful way in and out of your entrance, then up and down your folds, some kisses and sucks of your clit.
About mid through this, he stops and looks up at you with an evil smirk, lust blown eyes, chin and lips shinny with your slick.. He says; " mi amor, my goodness you taste so sweet and heavenly. I could stay right here forever, never get tired of it. " he then let's out a grunt that really sounds like a growl because you buck your hips up and whimper at his words.. So he gives you what you want and goes back in..
As soon as he first starts you are already in euphoria from how amazing it feels and how amazing your body feels at every spot Frankie is touching. You let out a mixed moan and grunt at him going through what he is doing.. Back arching so much that you think you'll never leave this state, which you are completely ok with because it feels so sooo perfect. Your arms are searching for something to hold on to, goes through the usual list of things; the edge of the table, stretching above your head, but what you end up doing that feels completely right... Is lacing your fingers in his hair; massaging, dragging your nails over his scalp, pulling his hair when he touches a spot that shoots sparks through your whole body..
The moans and ungodly sounds ( but such perfect ones in Frankie's opinion) come from you makes Frankie speed up his pace to get you to cum on his tongue. You always thought you'd need fingers too when someone is going down on you, but Frankie is so different.. He is so beautifully sinfully good at this.. Within seconds of you thinking that... Your mind goes blank, vision goes blurry.. " Oh my fuck- ahhh Frankieeee!! " you yell and moan as you're orgasm shoots through your whole body.
Right before your orgasm starts, Frankie can feel it.. So he changes up a bit and hums but kinda growls into your core, because he already knows it turns you on a ridiculous but understanding amount..
After it starts, he keeps his steady pace and slows down gradually as you are coming back down from the high... Once he feels that you're content enough for him to stop ( for now.. 👀 ), he lifts his head up more to look at you and cuddle up with you a bit. But still tangled up with you're bottom half, his face still right next to your cunt. He instantly notices that you're already looking right at him with such a gorgeous blissed out expression on your face and smiling so big at him. He starts to blush a bit and get that adorable smile on his face also.
" Frankie, my love. I think that is the best time I've ever had someone go down on me. And you didn't even use fingers.. I've always thought they were needed for the lady to cum... But I guess you're just that God like. " you say with a devilish smirk.
Frankie laughs so much that he is moving you with him while he shakes with laughter.. Because he's never had someone say that to him. Which causes you to giggle too while reaching for him to wrap your arms around him, and kiss him.
He agrees, and moves back up your body to cuddle closer, and make out more. As soon as hes close enough to kiss, you lean up and lovingly attack his lips with your own in a sweet but steamy kiss.
You both are roaming each other's bodies with your hands.
Frankie keeps his lips on yours, but equally breaks away to trail down your neck leaving kisses.. Then back up to lips, then down the other side of your neck. Your in absolute heaven, everywhere he kisses feels like fireworks going off in those spots, and of course sending some of that feeling to your core. Making you ever more eager for round two.
You are moving your hands up and down Frankie's back, lightly scratching. Causing him to groan in pleasure. Which in return makes you whimper in happiness because you're making him feel good, but also his noises are making you even more hungry for him.
That goes on for a little while longer. Making out more. Roaming each other's bodies. Grinding into each other for a little bit of release. Then Frankie stops and asks;
" mi amor, would you like to go the bedroom? It's much more comfortable.. And we can start doing more.. " he says while caressing your sides and your legs. And says the last part about doing more with that evil smirk of his..
" hmm. That sounds perfect. Let's go handsome. And that means I can take these off finally... " you say while sitting up and giving him a little peck on the lips. But saying the last part while grabbing his boxers a bit, because ya know you are very eager to see.. 😏
He just grins at you while blushing a bit, and helping you off the table.
~
His room is off the living room. There is a three step staircase to a little landing outside of the bedroom. The actual bedroom is beautiful. The perfect size for one person, but if they ever had a spouse, it would still be perfect sized for them both. Oh and the bed.. Not too big, not too small. Just perfect. The bedset he has; flannel everything, absolute gorgeous red and black.
~
You guys make your way to the bedroom. Not letting go of each other. Stealing kisses along the way.. Caressing each other more. Then when you get to the steps, Frankie let's you go up first.. As you're walking up, he pinches your butt as he's walking up too.
You yelp at the action, but turn around immediately to playfully hit him. Which he allows with a grin.. But grabs your hips to pull you closer to him. You agree to it, and snake your arms around his neck with one hand going to his curls to run your fingers through them.
He leans in and starts kissing you. Tongues dancing together so perfect. Both asking each other to enter each other's mouths at the same time.. Which causes both of you to laugh because, once again you're both very impatient and ready to do everything. The kissing continues a little bit longer then Frankie starts moving you backwards towards the bed.
When the back of your knees touch the bed, Frankie leans you down along with himself. But being careful not to crush you. You automatically open your legs for him to lay between them on you. He grins into the kiss because he was just about to move your legs open so he go do so.
The kissing gets more frantic, but in the best possible way. He's trailing kisses down your body. Stopping at each breast to give them attention, because he knows you love it and it amps up your arousal more. After he's done that to his liking. He kisses down your belly. More tender now, leaving little bites and marks. Then he hits your core.
He spends some time down there, getting you ready for him, but not letting you cum yet. He keeps stopping. Which causes you to become a moaning whimpering mess because of it. But then again, you're enjoying it completely. Hands shooting to his curls to lovingly pull them to tell him to keep going. Back arching each time he hits a perfect spot. Once he is satisfied with what he's done, he stands up to look at you and take his boxers off.
You lean up on your elbows to watch the show. But with such hungry lustful eyes, telling him that he needs to hurry up and get over here.
He notices of course so he goes slow with taking them off.
" dammit Frankie, you're such a teaseeee. As much as I love a strip show, please hurry up. I need you, please. " you say with a little whine while doing grabby hands at him.
He smirks then stops going slow and pulls his boxers all the way off.
* gasp * " I- Frankie.. My god. You're beautifully perfectly massive. I knew you were packing.. But my goodness,my love. " you say while looking up at him with a smirk and such beautiful lustful eyes. " Now get over here and fuck me, please. " you say while doing grabby hands again and winking at him while you lay back down, spreading your legs for him.
" yes ma'am " he says with a wink as he's walking over to you.
He lays down to kiss you some more. He grinds into a little, teasing the tip of his cock in your entrance. That causes you to moan and buck your hips to meet him, and making start actually entering you.
He grunts at that but he agrees to it.. And starts going in.. Inch by slow inch.
" oh my god- you feel so good already. Keep going dont stop. " you say in a moan but demanding ( and sweet ) voice, while kissing up Frankie's neck to his scruff and kisses that adorable spot in it.
" fuck you're so perfect cariño. Im almost all the way in, you think you can take all of me, mi amor? " he says while slowing down even more but still moving into your core..
The sound that comes out of you is so unholy, but so perfect because of how you feel with being so full of Frankie.
" oh my shit.. Fuck! Yes, yes I think I can. Keep going.. " you say while moving slightly to help him out and kissing him some more.
He finally is fully in you. You guys stay like that while kissing some more. You both moving down each other's necks to kiss, nip, leave little marks..
" Frankie.. I think I'm ready for you to move, my love. " you say as you kiss both cheeks, his noise then kiss his lips deep.
" ok, cariño. Tell me to stop if it hurts or anything. " he says while deeping your kiss even more, adding in his tongue to distract you a little.
You just nod your head to tell him yes, because you're speechless from how euphoric he feels, and he's barely moved so far..
" Faster please "
He grunts and speeds up while shifting your leg to go over his hip so he can get an even better angle.
" how you feel- * hum/grunt, because he hit a spot that felt good to him as much as you * feeling baby? "
" I- I - fuck so so good, Frankie. Ohhhh! Keep doing that. That feels so so good. Yessss! "
He speeds up a little bit while hitting that spot just wonderfully. While you on the other hand are absolutely losing it.. Back arching into him so much. ( which he is lovingggg, egging him on even more to see you fall apart in the best way. ) eyes closing from all the pleasure. The oh so perfect scratches you're leaving on his back making him falter a little because it feels so good, but he moans and kisses you more then starts his pace back up.
" baby you're almost there, I can feel you. You gonna cum on my cock? " he says while kissing your neck then biting gently when hen hears the moan come from you when he says he can feel you.
" Jesus, fuck! Yes, yes! I want you to cum too baby. With me, you can do it inside. I have an IUD. " at that last two parts.. He growls and buries his head in your chest while saying ;
" shit,mierda. Yes come on cariño. " he grunts out while drilling into in the best possible way. You're clingy to him and yelling his name and meeting his thrusts. He thinks that you saying his name like that is the best song in the world.
" fuckkkk!! Yesss! "
" Yess yesssss! "
You both say while climaxing together. Sloppy but sweet kisses are exchanged while you guys come down from your high. Thrusts slowing down while you help each other out coming down from the high.
After you both are content, you stop, but still intertwined.. Frankie still inside you. You guys stay like this for a while. You're running your hands up and down his back. Occasionally moving your hands to his curls to massage. He hums while you do that part. He's caressing your hip and lightly scratching your back.
He leans up a little with is chin right between your breast. Purely the cutest thing ever seeing his face between them. That makes you smile so big and running your hands through his hair.
" y/n, do you want to sleep over? I'll make us breakfast. Well we still need to eat dinner. But once we are done, you can stay if you'd like.. " he says with a shy smile but so sweet while he's looking into your eyes.
" yes, I would love to. But if you don't mind, I would love to borrow some clothes to wear, because I don't really want to put my dress back on. I love that thing, but no thank you putting it back on. " you say while giggling and leaning up to kiss his forehead then lips.
" yes you can. I'll go get a washcloth to clean us up. Then I'll go get you a T-shirt and some shorts. "
He kisses you one more time and then slowing sits up and pulls out of you. You both wince at the loss of feeling each other.
~~
You get dressed. Then go back into the dining room to eat. The night goes on amazing. Talk about so many things while eating. After you guys clean up. You make your way back to bed. Make love a few more times as the night goes on. Then you fall asleep tangled so perfectly and adorable together.
The end for now 💞🤗👀
I hope you liked this part and that I didn't do too bad with my first time writing this!! 🤗🙈💞
Next part will be the whole reason I started this, my therapeutic chapter, lol. 💞 So be on the look out for that.. I did start writing some of it the other day.. Because I had ides hit me how to start it out. Idk when I will finish it or how long it will be.. But wanted to tell ya guys the update I have for the next part. 💞🤗
Taglist, (as always no pressure to read) :
@heythere-mel @prolix-yuy @supernaturalgirl20 @stxrrylunatic
If you would like to be taken off or added to the list just shoot me a DM or ask and I'll get ya added!! 💞🤗
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llilywebsurfer · 2 years
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Less than a week before I turned 13 years old, I got to see my first PG-13 movie, and also actually got to see it in a movie theater which was actually one of the rarest things in my life. The southern theaters $5 summer movie Tuesdays. Even that was also a rare occurrence for my family. My parents didn't want the kids to correlate driving all the way to town=watching a movie.
But this summer I got to finaly go to a movie. Only reason was though we were in the process of moving. I was in a constant state of mellow fake thankfulness and sadness. I didn't want too seem like it was my parents problem we were moving, it was mine. But my aura must had gotten to my family no matter how hard I tried to hide it.
We had left my childhood home and the small railroad town, and the about 8 girlscout friends I had with it. Saying goodbye to your objectively best friendships ever does that to you. I needed something to be exited about. I needed something to do. We were staying at my grandparents house before we got on the road officially to move, no wifi, no towns close by, no neighbors, and absolutely no books. If you ignore the bible. Farmhandling wasn't exactly a 12 year olds game either.
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I remember watching the trailer on YouTube and seeing the ads on Wattpad during the summer. The trailer looked awesome, it looked adult. Picturing a night out to remember. The ads had neon lights and cyber aesthetics that were never seen before. A cityscape decorated in neon and glitter. The marketing was sooo fresh at the time! This is before "euphoria lighting" or "bisexual lighting" was a thing. I had never seen anything with Emma Roberts. I had seen her face from AHS pictures on Tumblr and Pinterest so I just KNEW she was cool. Shes now one of my favorite nepotism actresses. Everything about this movie was cool. I KNEW I had to watch this movie. I even lied to my parents saying it was PG instead of PG-13.
There is no way they didn't know it was PG-13.
But they let me go watch Nerve.
My mom drove me 2 hours into town to the nearest movie theater with my sister's. A dinky little 4 room theater off the highway with a parking lot that was larger than a malls. The carpet was short and faded blue, with occasional brown spots which are probably stains now that I think about it. It's been bulldozed now, closed down like a month after. I was handed $15 and told to buy the ticket myself, even though my mom would be watching something in another room with my sisters. After getting my ticket I remember walking in and sitting down in the front row. I expected there to be a lot of people, it was the opening day of the movie. I remembered seeing how many views the trailer had got, and being astounded that the movie theater had NOBODY in it. The only movie theater within a 50 mi radius. That astounded me. I had a secret movie no one would ever know about.
The teenager from the ticket stand yelled from the projector room that she was going to skip the ads for me. I gave a clumsy little thumbs up. Hearing the creaking of her sitting down on a metal fold out, she must have wanted to watch the movie too.
The movie was fantastic. If this was the first PG-13 thing I ever saw it had to be this. It was fun, the chemistry between Emma Roberts and Dave Franco was so electric on screen.
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In fact all of the actors in it were great! The use of electronics in the movie was not bad at all, probably the less egregious use of phones and internet lingo in any movie I've seen. The cinematography was beautiful, lit up my eyes on that dark little room. The sprawling residential New York at night doesn't seem like it would have many sets for beauty. They managed to make it work. The use of lighting has got to be my favorite thing. Just wow. The story had twists and turns and it was acted just perfectly by the leads. Don't even get me started on that soundtrack, I was listening to all that type of music even before the movie came out. The music was put into the movie so well, not just put in because it's a good song.
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The movie is definitely a time capsule though. All the actors were really in their prime during the movie or shortly after. All of the music from the movie is definitely from the 2010s grungy sickly-sweet indie sleeze era of the internet. It's a super high produced movie with well-known teen actors of the time in almost every scene. Insanely 2016.
I remember walking out of the theater like a just found the answer to the universe. I felt adult like I had wanted, yes. But the movie, even with all its fluffy teenage Tumblr glamor, had a sort of theme. I was going to live my life like you could die any second, hold what was close to me and never let go. I did that for a while without a single braincell. This was the beginning of my teens in a movie. Make mistakes, take risks, love eachother. Hook up with James Franco's factually hotter brother.
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pcrfectstorms · 2 years
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kitkween asked: ❝ don’t look at me like that. ❞ for stiles
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            DENIAL HIS BEST WEAPON OF DEFENCE, next to sarcasm of course, both of which she can see right through, and that’s a little terrifying how she could read him to filth with just one look and all stiles could do in response was some weird as fuck giggle, shrugging as if to plead ignorance to the fact she’ fully just CAUGHT him checking her out shamelessly, he looks around as if she’s talking to anyone  but him, a sheepish smirk on his lip as he STRUGGLES to make eye contact for longer than a few seconds.
              “ like what? -- i have noo  idea what you’re talking about...” he trails off, a nervous laugh echoes in his throat as he shifts his weight from side to side anxiously on the spot. there was something about kat that both intrigued him and terrified him - maybe it was that she was like, really fucking hot, in a scary intimidating kind of way, plus her smarts and sarcasm a match for his, which again -- really fucking hot. 
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            he’s a little confused, cause SURE he’s followed her private instagram fully expecting to be declined, and yet he WASN’T -- so oh stiles has seen things, wonderful, magical things -- mostly her booty, which he’d totally been caught STARING at more than once. “ see you say you don’t want me to look BUT -- you accepted my follow request sooo -- maybe you do --”  tripping over his words, he’s laughing, but he’s a clusterfuck of nerves right now, thankful it’s just the two of them in the hallway so no one else needs to see how much of a disaster he is; bad enough he’s embarrassing himself in front of kat right now. 
// @kitkween​  // euphoria meme // accepting! 
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maddy-ferguson · 8 months
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i just watched the glee episode where blaine sings cough syrup and karofsky tries to kill himself (they happen at the same time) and i remember the first time i rewatched it in 2019 this episode made me SO MAD quinn is like how could you ever want to kill yourself that's sooo selfish and they're like have some compassion you wouldn't get it the usual whatever and later they have this little suicide convo and will (not that will) has them say something they're looking forward to and he has them promise they would NEVER think of suicide as an option and mercedes is like i know we're very dramatic but i don't think anyone here would ever consider taking their own life...and they were like that's a wrap! they made it sound so easy and i was like. i don't have a single thing to look forward to rn because i want to kill myself. like your solution is not very good. and it's like i remember very well what it was like before my 2019 suicidal era i saw a tweet in my last year of high school that said i think we were ALL depressed our first year after hs and i was like no that will never be me i could never be depressed cut to a year later i was as i was just saying depressed and suicidal and this episode of glee and that conversation is literally 2018 me for whom being depressed seems impossible and a this would happen to someone else but not me because i'm a happy person and i could never not be happy. and i only hated the episode so much because i was depressed and angry and whatever but like shouldn't your depression is sad don't kill yourself episode (well they don't actually talk about depression in the episode they only talk about suicide) make someone who's going through exactly that feel better lol. but also yk everything that was supposed to make the depressed feel better made me feel worse like the "it gets better!" "you're not alone!" things people tweet made me feel so bad because i was like no it will NOT get better and i don't have everyone because no one cares about me enough to hate me or think about me for more than ten seconds or love me but whatever. my point is it's very superficial and watching it now that i'm no longer depressed and suicidal it doesn't make me angry anymore but it still feels incredibly naive. and of course it's glee so it's not like they're exceptional at handling...any issue but it's just always weird watching this episode and this scene for me. i remember watching euphoria for the very first time later that summer and you know how rue goes to the hospital in one of the later episodes? she's like i love being in the hospital because i don't have any responsibilities and no one can hold anything against me and time doesn't matter and things like that and i was like wow she's so me because i fantasized about putting my life on pause so much and the best option for that was being in the hospital or being in a coma and she was literally saying exactly that it was so fun in a not fun way. i don't know what my point was but season one of euphoria (but tbh i still like rue's storyline in season two it's the only thing sam is good at) will always be famous and that scene from glee felt like a slap in the face😭
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roguestarsailor · 1 year
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Sometimes pretty friends are the more ignorant people ever. Spending a week with my pretty friend is a lot and not that it’s her specifically that makes it tiring but sometimes our conversations and interacts with people that really shows you how other people live a rather positive life and they don’t have the try all that much.
We were talking about getting our nails done and how some girls will take the time to do it regularly. She goes to talk about how she wants to be as low maintenance as possible because it’s expensive. When she said that, it hit me how we’ve spend this entire week of me spending a ton of money and her not spending a single cent because “she’s really picky” about clothes which ok fine must be nice to have self control. But I also spend a lot of money on clothes because I feel the need to curate this image and be this person. I can’t just put on clothes like she does and it fits and looks good. She looks like a model off duty, I look like a caricature of trying to be fashionable.
Then she goes to talk about how she’s shocked that girls will wake up hours to get dolled up and how much work that is. She talked about that euphoria character who wakes up 2 hours before school to get ready and the guy she wants to impress just glared at her. She thought that was a waste and maybe should focus on smarts instead. The pretty friend says she will just wake up and roll out of bed and be done. And at this point I was defensive. You don’t know what it’s like to “fix” yourself to be presentable. Lucky she was born the way that’s acceptable to look and you get attention so easily and of course you can afford to not spend much on your appearance!
Just thinking about how she can afford to save so much money whereas I have to spend a lot makes me super annoyed. She constantly says I make a lot and reminds me that I make *sooo* much that I cannot possibly be uncomfortable but the thing is I have to spend it. It’s a VHCOL city and on top of that I didn’t grow up in a respectable, wealthy family. I have to learn fast and figure out how to run with the crowd who did. I spend a lot on clothes because I need to look presentable. I go to work everyday and I go out to make friends because I don’t know anyone here. I have to spend money on workout classes because I need to be skinny. I have to have a lot of maintenance because I am ugly and I need work. I am even considering breast reduction and lighten freckle procedures! Like very expensive procedures to feel good and like I can fit in and feel a semblance of attractiveness.
Fuck oak+fork specifically because they don’t put mirrors in the dressing room so you had to walk out into the open to see yourself and I tried on this semi tight mini skirt that was a risky choice but I was optimistic and as I was looking at the mirror my friend walks out looking great in her outfit. I felt sooooo disgusted with my body I immediately went to change to something else. I tried another piece and it wasn’t any better; my thighs are huge and pasty and then she walks out with a satin slip dress, the type of dress I WOULD FUCKEN LOVE TO WEAR but can’t because it doesn’t work with my body and I’m just so shook. I pretty much sprinted back into my changing room because I’ve never felt more like an OGRE. Anyways I hated that experience with my entire being and I feel like absolutely shit.
It hurts a lot now because I feel hideous and I don’t feel particularly attractive to anyone (especially walking next to her for 7 days straight and just watching the heads swivel and even the guy I like *noticing*). I’m extra round and extra puffy in the wrong places.
On top of that she insinuated that as an older sibling I don’t have it that bad. I talked about having to help my brother all through school because nobody else could speak English and I had to be the first to learn as much as possible so I can help my brother and my family. I think she said something about her having to figure out her own homework growing up whereas her brother didn’t help her so it doesn’t sound that hard. And the thing is, it must be so fucken nice to grow up privileged enough to be pretty. My entire being is shaped because I was required to help my family, to walk and labor when I can for my family. We walk everywhere, we carry heavy shit up and down many flights of stairs, we will opt to use our body before using money for the convenience. I’ve looked at my body and seen how it doesn’t compare to any of my friends. My calves are huge because I walk everywhere, because it’s what I do to save money. My fingers are big because I spent it using it to write to fix things to carrying heavy shit; to help my dad and my family. My body holds this weight and it will never be beautiful and presentable like those born naturally thin.
God, how envious I am about other people. Nobody knows how I truly envious I am of skinny girls and getting to be beautiful and feeling attractive for less. Model off duty, clothes fitting on your easy to care for body and being loved by your choice of men and being carefree and can feel comfortable being naked.
Of course, it’s all in my head. It’s not a competition and it’s not like I don’t have good qualities but when you’re feeling unloved and not comfortable in your skin and like you’re lacking something it’s not great. I feel lonely and tired and I want to be optimistic for the future but it’s hard right now. My body is changing and I am still stumbling around in this new place where it seems like everyone is having fun and partnered up and everyone looks beautiful and fit and it feels hard to believe that I can achieve any of those things and feel at peace somehow. It feels like I have to do so much more work.
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