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bocatbpd · 3 years
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I spend so much time thinking about things that have or haven't happened yet that I'm rarely living in the now. I spend so much time in my head that I have no idea who I am. 
My thoughts haunt me. Every day, every night, if I'm not doing something that requires my full attention, I'm in a world consumed by my thoughts. 
I'm in scenarios where I'm surrounded by people who hate me or have abused me or my fave, people who ive invented, that will abuse me or hate me, and i'm being attacked physically or emotionally. 
I feel traumatised every time but I cant stop the thoughts. It feels like being at the bottom of a well and my only hope of escape is a dessert spoon.  
Whats everyone's experiences of this? And what have you tried to help manage this? Has anything worked??? 
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bocatbpd · 3 years
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I was thinking today, if I didnt have a personality disorder, would I want to be friends with or a partner of someone like me? Yknow, I think I'd stay well clear, like I'd make me feel uncomfortable 😬😅
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bocatbpd · 3 years
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An Introduction
Hello all, welcome to my blog. My name is Gem*. I’m a black lesbian living in London and living with Borderline Personality disorder (I will usually refer to as BPD and sometimes known as Emotional Unstable Personality disorder or EUPD).
I was diagnosed just over a year ago and have struggled to find people outside of therapy to share my experiences with. I decided to start a blog because I found a lot of negative things about people with BPD and not a lot of community so, although I recognise that all of us with BPD experience it differently and our symptoms may vary I also I liked the idea of someone with BPD in the UK stumbling across my blog and being like “ooo, a me!”. I’m also hoping that this will be a kind of therapy for me, space for me to off load the thoughts that sometimes feel like I’m drowning in out on to digital paper.
All my writings are based on my personal experiences and understanding of the world I live in. This space is not to influence the way others manage their experiences of mental health but I do hope that this space helps others like me feel a little less alone.
With this blog I will also share other aspects of me, a short story or poem from time to time and my dreams because they are truly a representation of my own instability.
Trigger warning, I will share periods of low mood and suicidal thoughts as well as some other sensitive issues. I will put a trigger warning at the beginning of any posts that reference these topics.
*Pseudonym
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