#essentially me and my friends today

[octaviasdread]

being friends with international students is like yes i’m with you so much i’m absorbing your native language but no i can’t talk to your parents with this collection of random nouns and insults we’re pretending you don’t use

#first word i learnt was challo #second was an insult to someone’s mother #constantly explaining to my home friends that no i can’t speak hindi but i would 100% know if someone was insulting me in it #literally added dhoka to my vocab bank today #and badam yesterday #only the essentials #insults and food #co speaks #CO Posts

[elliesbelle]

lol

#i'm literally like. #sooooo done with life #i've been on the verge of tears on and off today fr #work itself has been ugh #my kids are being so crazy and i love them but very draining #and my work friends are basically pulling away from me and it makes me wanna die #they essentially replaced me with someone else and i'm literally sitting here like oh ok lol #and my ex and i are in this weird fucking space and i can't fucking deal with it #siri play 'boyfriend' by ariana grande and social house #like... she's not mine and like... technically she can date other people lol #but lol you're really taking her out on a date that would be perfect for ME????? #you know what ur doing lol #but i mean ig #'you ain't my boyfriend!!!! and i ain't ur girlfriend!!!!!' #screaming and crying and throwing up #i hate my life y'all #i'm legit at my limit #i don't want to make my every-three-years trip to the ICU and psych ward but!!!!!! #sorry y'all i needed to put this somewhere lol #i'll prob delete later #belle speaks #v

[oatbugs]

.

#meeting the sociologist/philosopher who flew in from barcelona and got basically no sleep just 2 be on time to our date soon #im wearing the earrings the ex situationship person chose for me. they have 3 sharp metal bits hanging down from them. it feels #cold like a knife and also they make noise whenever i take a step which acts a little like a friend and also a beating. dont forget who cho #for you. do you miss her? do you miss her? when you see his face will you miss her? #im going to look someone else in their eyes today #im going to study with my friend today and tomorrow #i had a call w a friend yesterday . he taught me logic metatheory intensively and he also said this whole experience has been painful for #him and the rest of my friends bc its like watching someone nearly drink cyanide over and over #it made things a bit clearer #he said its like watching a lion get declawed and that i was essentially unrecognisable. something happened to his friend #and he wanted his friend back #so im going to go back. #he said he doesnt mind dying alone. he asked why hes doing philosophy and i said pure love and he said thats true #im supposed to be in love w abstractions more than ppl #and im supposed to be in love w my friends before any romantic partner #ok going up tottenham ct escelators is a religious experience recently bc every time i will either make eye contact w the most beautiful #person ever or be reminded of the way they held me on the way down here or how i held them on the way up #anyway lets go

[britneyshakespeare]

i was hanging out today w a friend i hadn't seen in awhile and kaily and i were catching up on all the drama involving him (my controlling manipulative and abusive ex-friend) and how he keeps going out of his way to ask ppl about where we are and find us and how the only reason i think i get out of it is bc i don't go to the same college as him anymore, i hardly ever leave the house socially and the few ppl i do see all have no connection w him anymore, and i don't work at some place where he can just show up. i work in pre-k-to-12 public schools. my schedule in terms of days/location is irregular anyway, but if some strange adult man shows up for no particular reason and seeks out a female employee, you do not just get let in. that is how you have the cops called on you. but he does know where i live and i have been paranoid about him finding some excuse to show up at my house. i've had legitimate nightmares about that. i never stopped having nightmares about him i'd say at least once every other week and i haven't talked to him in almost six months.

i don't like at all how i don't feel safe in a way that means i have faith that the issue is over; the person is out of my life; our communication will not be renewed against my will once again. bc all of those things have been attempted. i feel safe in a way that means he happens, by circumstance, not to be able to access me in any convenient way to him. any way he could find me (the only way to feasibly do that would be work/home) would be a justification for calling the police. but i don't have any faith that he wouldn't try, because he has shown himself as being capable of being that low. and if i switch jobs or transfer schools finally and he finds out about it, he can just make it an issue there if he so feels like it, and i'm sure he will. he's a monster. he gets some sort of thrill out of making other ppl feel unsafe and having all the control in the situation

#tales from diana #it was very validating to talk to her bc she never really liked him #in fact i used to be so humiliated when i'd bring him to hang out w my older friends #bc he'd go oooon and on and on about how nobody listens to him nobody understands him nobody cares about or appreciates him #and then i'd be like 'oh my friends are good ppl! ill introduce u' and i did. i made the effort to bring him to them a LOT #(and he would make me feel like he envied me for my oh-so-superior life which i most definitely do not have) #but then he would not listen to her not understand her not care about her and not appreciate her #nor any of my friends for that matter. but he was SO disinterested in her in particular in a way that was just sooo disrespectful #he wouldnt let me hold a conversation w her. or let me bring her into a conversation w him. he'd DOMINATE #in general he didn't like me talking to anybody else or anyone talking to anyone else or anyone else talking #ive never seen a man who cared so little about somebody else getting to finish a sentence. #and like there's a lot of adhd in our friend group. we all (myself especially) have our spirited interjections #and occasionally interrupt but we realize when we're doing it and then pull back & let the other person finish #we try to keep other ppl on track w what they were saying when they go on a tangent #you know. we try and communicate effectively #even tho we r not naturally perfect at it lol. #we're adults who respect each other it's almost like! #but yeah. he was only interested in impressing the couple of men in my friend group essentially #he'd talk abt how my two guy friends r cool & how he wants to be closer to them #and i'd stick up for this woman i hung out w today & he had just absolutely no interest in her #she never liked him anyway which was so baller of her. good on her. she detected his rudeness #and that rudeness used to vex me so much. i suppose bc i couldnt bear to see him treat other ppl how he treated me #altho to a much lesser extent w the overt lovebombing he did to me and the traumadumping and intense reliance upon me #he seriously needed my attention 24/7 it didn't matter if i was studying or working or in bed sick for two weeks #literally he and his vapid fucking needs came before everything in my life according to him. always. crazy #the entitlement of that man is ridiculous. so of course he thinks there's nothing wrong w seeking me out #of course. #i wouldnt care if he died

[malusienki]

hhhhhhhhhhhhhh why am i constantly being reduced to just ‘lesbian’ by this guy and not even in a good way. like in a mean girls negative way.

#he makes me uncomfortable i’m sorry #like #today he was constantly looming over me while i was working on something #to the point of where i could FEEL HIS BREATH on my neck and invading my personal space #my friend had to tell him to essentially piss off #the whole ‘lesbian’ thing started out as a funny joke! #no. not anymore #especially when you try to call me a dyke by ‘misspelling it’ as ‘duke’ #you’re not fucking clever #delete later :/ #i don’t even wanna go to school tomorrow because i know it’ll be this whole thing ahain #what’s worse is that this is a gay guy. you’d think he’d understand that constantly being reduced to who you’re attracted to isn’t fucking #fun. 😐😐😐 #he reminds me of an ex friend of mine

[todayisafridaynight]

daigo lurking in the hot topic until finally someone asks him if he works there and he just has to awkwardly be like no...... sorry......

#snap chats #aka things that happened to me today part 86 EIDNSZL #its what happens when your indecisive ass hangs around the shit for an hour until people just assume You Work There.... #he might as well if you asked him where something was he might be snappy at first but he’d tell you #but anyways NOOOO I DIDNT MEAN TO BUY AN OUTFIT TODAYDOSBDKSK #oh well.... i went my whole teenagehood not buying clothes its ok.... #but yeah. they never gave me hot cash before ????? they just gave me coupons #and i forgot to bring my coupon from LAST time because. i wasnt supposed to buy anything today 🕴 #this post was just so i could talk bout hot cash cause ik we talked bout it before </3 #i just wanted to get out of the house 🕴 #but NOOOOO my friend finally was able to comm me after wanting to for so long... and then i let it get to my head 😔 #if you knew me durinn my persona days you knew i had this terrible habit of getting adachi shit as soon as i got paid #and i PROMMY i dont intend to fall back into that spendin habit 😔 if you guys catch me buying more shit thats non essential or cosplay stuff #yell at me please ty #oh well 😔 here this is an investment watch ill draw daigo in the goofy outfit i got today #ill even give him some of the rings i go last time. because i forgot to Last Time ☠️☠️ #anyway. guess im going home now. EW. #but im gonna watch that movie when i do.. hehe.....

[baconandvibrators]

In the face of the violent transphobia I have decided to live as well and healthily as possible and my current focus is my physical health. I think I’m about ready to scare some transphobia in to shutting the fuck up.

#a work in progress #but definitely progress #mental health was the first focus #but in therapy tonight #i realized I had dealt with all the fires between sessions #on my own and in a healthy way #like at this point my therapist is essentially #a friend who is stable enough for me to fully vent to #though we do gotta work on some big past shit #but that’s for another day #today I’m just here #feeling myself #for the first time in a long time #hate being complimented on being skinny #cause that’s always a result of poor health #but being strong is something else #makes me feel good and like myself #queer #trans #non-binary #enby #my posts

[marxism-lelouchism]

times like these make me feel acutely the urgency of joining an org but like. the major communist orgs suck and the east asian american orgs are all radlibs so i feel stuck!

#🌱 #many orgs are also just frighteningly white #I admire the work of nodutdol and anakbayan very much but I am neither korean nor filipino #at one point I was really interested in qiao collective but i think my politics have outgrown that phase #where’s the org for chinese MLs/questioning MLMs in america 😩 #was talking to a friend about this and they were like maybe You should start something and i balked like no…i’m not cut out for that #but i do think chinese people in america (myself included) would gain a lot from a serious study of modern chinese history #I think an understanding and appreciation of the chinese revolution is essential in beginning to approach china’s contradictions today #a study group would be nice… #i stopped posting on my personal/political twitter b/c i realized so many leftists are really clout chasers but maybe I should dust it off #or mb i’ll wait for twitter to implode and for me to move out lol

[awek-s]

sorry but the way a single interaction w my mom ruined any kind of progress I made this week is insane

#I started taking my meds again for one #she walked in the kitchen after work today and immediately proceeded to tell me I did everything wrong and basically made me feel so fucking #stupid. all I’m doing is tryna do something nice and cute for this stupid holiday bc everything else in my life is falling apart #but I should be used to it I mean just a few weeks ago she essentially admitted she thinks I’m doing nothing with my life #even though she uses me for photo ops and as a way to get attention from her coworkers and friends #bc she LOVES to brag about me she adores it even #but behind closed doors it’s ‘how can I put alex down today?’ #misgenders fatshames tells me I’m lazy despite having almost 3 degrees doesn’t take any of my medical issues seriously #even tho she’s the reason I went so late before I got diagnosed (she doesn’t want a sick kid! how Tragic for her) #I’m TIRED like I’m tired of not being able to do anything right ??? and like I’m sorry I know there’s more important things going on in the #world right now but my irl stuff was such a non issue for real alongside it and now it’s like #all of the ideation is back I feel like. yeah what is the point in doing anything I don’t do anything right anyway #sorry I’m just. venting #mrow.org

[saint-gerard-of-arc]

No thoughts head empty only Leathermøuth Frank

#witchy's band archive #frank iero #leathermøuth #frankposting bc today my best friend essentially told me that id probably look like this frank if i was a guy #and nothing beats that as far as compliments can go for me okay #i wanna look like a beefy man that is mentally unstable and im already halfway there

[six-of-cringe]

i am fuming about so much real shit right now but a sudden influx in "we could wake them up"-posting is about to be the last fucking straw so i'm trying to channel my hate into that instead

#i hate that quote so much it was a fucking mistake to even write it #with the way it seems to singlehandedly throw everyone off the actual nature and point of that character #like that single [somewhat nonsensical imo] quote is the sole foundation for this completely fabricated and pointless version of wylan #and its driving me nuts am i the only person out here with critical thinking aaaaaaaaa #and perhaps this isnt the best way to cope with my family problems and friend problems and world issues #but on the bright side i am more motivated than ever to finally revisit the bfwp in my drafts #even though at this point i've essentially said all my points scattered throughout many posts but it will be nice to collect them #anyway i hope every queer person specifically has a nice day today. straight people are making me mad so please have a good day. for me. #OUGH #delete later #bfwp

[darcyfangirlsfrequently]

Hey so how come no one told me how amazing it feels the first time you date someone who not only can tell all their family/friends about you and your relationship but gladly does so and does not shy away from affection or who talks about how they feel about you to you and others

like idk if i'm describing this right

but someone who is comfortable in your relationship and other people knowing about it

#darcy simp hours #lesbian #wlw #lgbtq #girlfriends #im so bad at describing things #but like #today i was at a birthday party for a friend #and my girlfriend was there too bc mutual friend #and she got there after me and sat beside me and gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek and one of our friends teased her about it #and she replied essentially #so what i haven't seen her since (last event) #and my heart damn near exploded #bc yeah i missed her #and it meant so much to me that she missed me too and was telling other ppl she missed me #and at one point that same friend was teasing her by showing her simpy texts I had sent hinm #and she came across one where i talked about the difference between love you and i love you #and then freaked out because she thought she had been saying it wrong and wanted me to know she loves me #and she left before me and I kissed her on the cheek bc i thought that's as much PDA as she was comfortable with with our friends around #but then she actually kissed me #and i wanted to melt #i'm not used to this #the other people i've dated haven't been able to be as open in the relationships for various reasons #and haven't been as affectionate #and obviously i've been okay with that bc respect and boundaries #but omg #this feels so amazing

[tardis--dreams]

I hate small classes. I feel like i should let my lecturer know i won't come to class today just because we're already very few people

#last time 6 people came so idk if the other 4 dropped out or just skipped last week #no one cares in a big course (15+ people) #but for these small ones it's always uncomfortable #i should just go but i also don't want to and i kinda feel like dying and I realized a while ago #that my actions have essentially zero consequences in university so if I don't go i will not get in trouble lol #and ever since i stopped caring about anything and i realized i can simply Not do things if i don't want to #I've been simply not doing things #(yeah no it's ruining my life) #no but i never want to go to that seminar but this week is particularly bad and you know- fuck it #i wanted to go home today but I'll probably stay for another day because a friend invited me to hang out tomorrow #and if I'm already here i might as well go to korean class too #and go home Thursday morning instead #idk #i hate it here #also I'm most certainly about to start my period any day now and i can feel the pain and uncomfortableness rising with every minute #void screams

[astarlightmonbebe]

the fact that almost every single close female person in my life has has dealt with (chronic) health conditions that impacted or are impacting their daily lives...

#star stumbles #focusing a bit on women's health for my literary essay #which i kind of ended up thinking about when joyce carol oates asked 'why do women choose pain' #and like the hysterical woman and all that #and this is in my family and outside of it #just found out today that my best friend (or former best friend; childhood best friend) found out recently that her hormones are essentially #messed up and she could be infertile #and she's like 18 #and even the few girls i've met and ended up chatting with in college are like...going through it but casually #my coworker has crazy health problems #my other childhood friend has been having crazy physical and mental health issues #my friends who don't have physical health issues are mentally in the gutter #and then there's me who is not struggling but being impacted by stupid stuff #and like health issues cause health anxiety which worsen health issues or at least the ability to deal with them #but you have to deal with them. everybody is dealing with them. #doctors will be like there's nothing clearly wrong so just fix your lifestyle #which yeah. has been working great (and sometimes it did but also like. #just because you found a solution that works doesn't mean the problem was never valid/never existed or won't come back #which is something i had to remind myself of #like just because you can deal with it now does not mean you did not suffer and struggle due to it earlier in life #and that it did not magically disappear. your health is valid

[iknowtheendnatural]

ya know sometimes life is okay

#feeling happy today #last week was a little bit of a bad week for me but despite all the horrors #I still got to see my friends a few times last week #we made a tarot spread that is essentially an are you gay quiz just for funsies #and went to a comedy show #and we’re meeting up to play dnd again tonight and I just am very happy I met them #nixxie thoughts

[lovecompass]

i think the worst thing about online friendships is that yeah you know me in the most intimate ways like i can bare my soul to you (and i do, regularly) but there are also so many ways you will never know me in like you will never know how i decorate my room or what i smell like or how i walk like some of the most mundane and trivial things about me (but that make up my entire being) will be unknown to you forever and its awful

#this was triggered by the favourite animal post btw. #because me loving penguins is such an essential part of me to all my irls like its one of their number one associations re: me but my online #friends have no clue unless ive specifically mentioned it and even then i feel like you cant really grasp the extent unless you've seen it #in person (eg my room or my reactions to penguins in the zoo etc etc) #im just so insane today #?