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esperosisdoeswriting · 4 months

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Accursed, Chapter 1

Accursed lives rent free in my brain and has ever since I wrote it, I like to go back to it every once in a while and, when I did recently, I thought I myself “Yes Chapter 1 is good, but I’ve improved a ton since then (literally wrote an entire book lol) so I can do so much better now” as such I decided to rewrite the entire first Part/Chapter and I’m so much more happy with it now. Deffo gives the vibe I’m going for as-well as better incorporates a few plot elements and showcases personalities of our two main characters better. Overall, I like it quite a lot!

BE WARNED, Accursed deals with some very heavy topics and themes, please read the content warnings and be advised! This is a Supernatural/Psychological Horror with a child protagonist, so… yeah that should tell you a bit. BUT also keep in mind the main theme of Accursed is hope and overcoming adversity, so while there is darkness, there is no despair (if that makes sense)

Enjoy 2.5k words that turned into 7.2k words!

CW: Child Abuse (Minor), Threats of Violence against children, Referenced past violence against a child (There is no explicit violence against a child in this chapter), Religion (used somewhat as a coping mechanism), discussion of Suicide (and its relationship with Religion)

Tags: @sunflower-searching-light

The glass was shattered. Mom had broken it a while ago, delicate things never really lasted very long near her, or him, or anywhere. Lucas never really understood the

purpose in making things that broke so easily. If they could break they would, and then they were useless.

It didn’t really make sense to Lucas, but not a lot of things did.

Lucas stared more at the glass than his reflection in it as he sat on the bathroom counter. The soap was almost gone, he’d climbed on the counter to see if the cabinet with the mirror had any more in it, the cabinets below didn’t.

Lucas wasn’t quite sure how to open the mirrored cabinet, it didn’t have a handle like normal ones did. He didn’t ask mom, she was very tired lately and he didn’t want to upset her from having to see his face.

He looked at his reflection and wondered what it was about his face that caused so much pain and hardship. Mom hated seeing it, and anytime one of things that weren’t supposed to exist saw it they swarmed in and stuck to him like glue or a leech.

His face looked normal to him at least.

Two eyes, though he couldn’t see the right one since pieces of glass had fallen revealing the dark board underneath. He didn’t need to see it though, he knew it was the same light green as his left.

Dark cracks spiderwebbed across his pale skin, but when he touched his face he found it smooth and whole. His hair was short light brown, even though his mom’s was blonde. Maybe that was it, he had dad’s hair color and that’s why mom hated him and the things cursed him and tormented them both.

He always hated Dad, it made sense Mom would hate him for being related to the man.

Something moved in the darkness of the bathroom behind him and Lucas couldn’t be bothered to scream or cry or run away. It was tiring being scared all the time, so he just climbed down from the sink as the slinking creature followed him into his bedroom.

---------------------------

“Everything's going to be better now, you hear?” Mom told him as they drove too fast down the dark country road. “It was the city,” she hissed, “It was a- a- a cesspool of those monsters, those things. They grew and- and spawned in every darkened corner and dumpster filled with garbage. But not here baby! Not here! They can’t follow us out into good ol’ nature.”

Mom laughed as she petted Lucas’ hair, refusing to look at her as Lucas blankly stared out the window.

It wasn’t going to be any better. Lucas knew that the moment he saw the glowing yellow eyes staring at them from just beyond the tree line. He knew that the moment he heard the odd bump coming from the trunk of the van where something had crawled in. He knew it in the way Mom cried as she tried to reassure both of them.

He didn’t tell her it wasn’t going to get any better. But something told him that she knew it anyway as they finally arrived at the old cabin in the woods, far away from anyone that could hurt them.

Far away from anyone they could call to for help.

-----------------------

Mom was screaming down stairs again and hitting things, probably fighting the winged thing with mouths for eyes Lucas noticed nesting on top of the refrigerator earlier. He didn’t bother going down to help her. She could manage fine on her own and she was more likely to just start hitting him with the broom and screaming than she was to thank him.

Not like he could do much anyway.

Maybe, when he was older, he would be able to help Mom, when he was ten, or twelve, or sixteen. He could sit mom down, tell her it was all going to be okay while he took up the broom and caved the god-forsaken thing’s skull in. But he was eight, and his hands were small and the broom was too heavy.

He was useless really. Mom was right to hate him, it was his fault she was suffering like this.

Mom kept screaming as more bangs rang throughout the cabin.

Lucas felt the bed dip near him. He didn’t bother looking up.

“Lucas” the thing that had climbed in his window cooed to him. Lucas was fairly sure he’d closed it earlier, something must have opened it. Maybe he could get some kind of lock?

“Lucas,” the creature continued to hum as it slithered closer to him, finally coming to rest in the small space between Lucas’ back and the bedroom wall.

“What?” Lucas asked as he continued to read.

“Aren’t you tired Lucas?” the creature asked.

Lucas frowned at that as he finally looked up and over his shoulder at the creature, they didn’t usually talk this much. Just cooed and hummed and screamed his name while they tried to drag him away or tear him to pieces.

The thing was pale, its skin was white and sort of translucent, Lucas was fairly sure he could see whatever counted as muscles the thing had. It sort of reminded Lucas of a squid or that weird blobfish thing he’d seen on TV one time. It looked soft and sort of slimy, its seven eyes were beady and as pitch black as its side-ways mouth with rows of sharp, needle-like teeth.

Lucas’ frown deepened, not the weirdest or scariest looking monster he’d seen, but he really didn’t like how close it was. He didn’t want it getting slime all over him. “What do you mean? It’s the middle of the day.”

“No Lucas,” the creature whispered. “You don’t run anymore, you don’t scream or call out to your mother or even cry when you see us. You’re tired.”

Lucas turned back around to look at the book in his lap, “It’s exhausting. Not like it does anything anyway.”

“Yes Lucas,” the thing hummed in delight. “Don’t you want it to stop?”

“Obviously,” Lucas turned the page carefully, it was so thin the light from the window shown through it and the book itself was old. Lucas didn’t want to rip it.

“We can make it stop, you can make it stop. Don’t you want your mother to not have to suffer anymore?” the creature cooed into Lucas’ ear.

Lucas sat still, frozen for a moment, his hand still turning the page as silence fell between the both of them. His mom kept screaming downstairs.

“How?” Lucas asked as he finally resumed his movement and finished turning the page.

“Come with me Lucas, there's a place I can take you, and it’ll all be over.”

“Why do I have to go anywhere?” Lucas glanced back at the thing, “I just want you and your friends to stop coming here.”

“Because Lucas, you have to die,” the creature told him and Lucas tensed.

“Why?” Lucas scowled, “I thought you said you were going to stop and now you’re saying you’re going to kill me?”

“I’m sorry Lucas, but there is no way out of this where you live,” the creature spoke, its voice a mockery of sympathy. “You must die, but your mother will live. Your mother will be free and happy, don’t you want that Lucas? Neither of you will suffer anymore.”

Lucas brought his thumb up to his mouth and slotted his fingernail between his teeth, “ ‘Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator’, “ Lucas mumbled, “Peter 4:19.”

“What?’ the creature asked.

“S’the bible,” Lucas took his thumb from his mouth as he blankly stared at the floor ahead of him. He closed the book and lifted it to show the creature his worn copy of the Bible. He’d read it more times then he could count, it was one of the only things he had.

“...Right,” the creature nodded, “Do you believe in heaven?”

“I don’t know,” Lucas admitted, “It’s nice to think about. That after this I’ll get to go to heaven with Mom, and everything will be okay.”

“Then why don’t we take you there a bit sooner,” the creature hummed. “Why wait and suffer as you do? When you can go to that wonderful place now and wait for your mother to join you?”

“I don’t want to go to Hell,” Lucas admitted as he held his Bible.

“Why would you go to Hell?” the monster asked, “You are blameless and without sin in this situation. Besides, I doubt children go to hell.”

Lucas shook his head, “Babies go to hell all the time, that's what the Bible said. If i kill myself I’ll go to hell, besides I’m not even baptised.”

The creature seemed to flounder at that, “We… We can baptize you on the way?”

“But it won’t matter if I kill myself,” Lucas bit his finger nail again, “ ‘And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and though shalt glorify me.’ Psalm 50:15.”

“We’ll kill you Lucas,” the creature assured him, “that isn’t suicide.”

“Yes it is,” Lucas hunched in on himself, “Because I’ll be going with you willingly! If I go with you I’m willing! And if I’m willing it’s suicide and I’ll go to Hell!” Lucas gritted his teeth. He didn’t want to go to Hell. He really, really didn’t want to go to Hell. That was his worst nightmare. He wasn’t even sure if he believed Hell existed honestly, but even just the concept of it scared him so deeply he didn’t want to risk it, not even for a moment.

Because if this was what life was like, what was hell going to be like?

The creature fell silent at that and the sound of his mother’s struggles with the monster down stairs finally ended.

“We’ll give you some time to think about it Lucas, the offer is still on the table, if it ever becomes too much. We’ll make sure you are baptized on the way to your final resting place,” the creature finally replied.

Lucas didn’t look as it slithered out the window.

-----------------------

Mom was sick, she could barely get off the couch most days and Lucas was fairly sure she’d stopped trying. Lucas made his way over to her with the scrambled eggs, toast, and orange juice he’d put together. He was good at using the stove and hardly ever burned himself.

Mom glared at him as he handed her the tray, her gaze was distant and full of hate and disgust. Lucas tilted his head down, hoping maybe if she didn’t have to see his face as clearly she wouldn’t be as upset about it.

“You’re a curse Lucas,” she hissed as she stabbed the eggs too hard. “This is all your fault. None of this shit happened untill you were born.”

“I’m sorry mom,” Lucas told her as he worried the hem of his shirt.

That only seemed to make Mom more upset, “You’re sorry? You’re sorry?! What the hell does sorry do for me, huh? Will you being sorry make the monsters leave me alone?!”

“No,” Lucas wilted further.

“Then what use are you? Huh! Tell me what use you are!” Mom raged at him.

“I’m not,” Lucas stared at the ground, “I-”

“Get out of my face you god damn brat,” she hissed at him as she turned her attention back to her food.

Lucas quickly padded away from his mom and up the staircase, muttering to himself over and over “ ‘This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles.’ Psalm 34:6.”

God did not hear him. God did not save him from his troubles.

Maybe God wasn’t real, or maybe Mom was right, and God had damned him after all.

-----------------

When Lucas walked down the stairs, ready to make Mom her breakfast, only to find her dead on the couch, he couldn’t even manage to find it in himself to be surprised. He didn’t know how she died, probably the illness, but at least her face looked peaceful.

She likely didn’t feel any pain, and that was something Lucas could feel grateful for.

“She’s in heaven now,” the same creature from before spoke from where it sat in the sliding glass doorway next to the couch with Mom’s body on it.

“If it exists,” Lucas agreed.

“Don’t you want to join her?” the creature asked.

“Yes.”

“Then come with me,” the creature extended one of its tentacles with its deformed and boneless hands at the end. “We can reunite you with your mother Lucas.”

Lucas looked at his mother’s peaceful face and shook his head, “If I go with you, I’ll never see her again.”

The creature sighed, “Then we’ll give you more time then. But don’t wait too long Lucas, starvation is an awful way to go.”

Lucas kept his eyes on his mother as the creature once more slithered out of his home. She was gone. Mom was dead and gone and maybe in heaven with God, if they existed. It was a nice thought, that there was a Heaven and a God that would make sure to deliver him from his troubles, that would ensure everything would be okay at the end. But Lucas wasn’t sure of anything, how could he be? He didn’t understand anything, not really.

There was only thing he was sure of, and that's that he couldn’t just leave Mom here, she deserved better than rotting on the couch.

It took the better part of an hour to find and drag the shovel from the rickety shed in the backyard and then use it to start digging the hole. Lucas was pretty sure he heard that graves needed to be six feet deep, but he wasn’t exactly sure how deep it was. He didn’t have a ruler, and he wasn’t sure where to find one, so he decided to just dig the hole a little deeper than he was tall.

It took hours as the sun crept along the sky and soon to be grave dirt coated his clothes and skin. The monsters didn’t help or hinder, just silently watched him from behind the trees and even one was perched on the roof, staring down at him. He ignored them, the shovel was too heavy to use as a weapon and there were a lot of them.

Lucas huffed and gasped and grunted and recited bible verses under his breath as he dug. It was exhausting, and by the end he was about ready to collapse from exertion as he sat at the edge of the shoddy grave, his feet dangling into the hole.

He liad back for a moment, catching his breath and staring absently into the bright blue sky, watching as puffy white clouds drifted by aimlessly. It felt weird. His mom was dead, and yet it was nice outside. Nice puffy clouds and bright blue sky, he’d seen the same clouds in those paintings with happy people at the beach or on a picnic or kissing in big dresses.

Today wasn’t a happy day, didn’t the world know his mom was dead?

Lucas didn’t understand anything, he knew it was probably because he was a very very stupid boy, but it didn’t change anything.

His legs were dangling in his mom’s grave and the world was happily chirping along. Maybe if he had gone with the monsters mom would be alive right now. But she isn’t. She’s dead, and there's no bringing her back.

Lucas wouldn’t want to even if he could.

He sat back up, there was nothing to do but sit back up really, and he carefully made his way back inside. He hesitated at the doorway, he was a mess, covered in dirt and roots and sweat. Mom would be upset if he made the house all messy.

Right. Mom’s dead.

He took his shoes off anyway.

As carefully as he could he pulled his mom off the couch and gasped as she tumbled to the floor in a heap. He winced as his hand fluttered about and a low whine escaped his throat.

“Ah, s-sorry mom, I just need to get you to your grave,” he fretted as he grabbed her arm and started to pull.

He was weak, but mom had wasted away long before she’d died. It took a long, long time of heaving and pulling and moving only tiny little bits, but he finally managed to pull her out of the house and to her final resting place.

He wished he was big and strong, he wished he could lower her into her grave properly, but all he could really manage was bracing his legs against the ground and pushing her with all his might until she rolled into the dirt hole he’d dug for her.

It was clumsy and far less than she deserved and Lucas knew he was a bad son for doing it and so many more things, but it was all he could offer her now.

Lucas stood on shaking legs at his mother’s corpse laid in the dirt. Lucas sucked in a breath and tried to stay strong, tried to be strong, tried to me anything beside the weak, useless thing he was. But as tears began to roll down his cheeks, too many and too large for him to wipe away he couldn’t help but cry out for his mother.

“Mom, I’m s-sorry,” Lucas wept, “I’m sorry I was bad, that I couldn’t be better. I tried, I really did! I know it’s not… I know it doesn't matter because it didn’t work, because I was still bad, but I love you. I love you so much and I hope you’re happy in heaven.”

Lucas ran inside and knew he was failing his mom once more by failing to properly put her to rest.

-------------------

The pale squid monster was right, starvation was really awful.

It had been around a month now since mom had died, her body laid properly to rest with a shabby bundle of tied sticks marking her grave. It was less than she deserved but Lucas didn’t know how to make a proper grave stone and he was too tired and weak to grab a big rock.

Everything hurt.

It hurt when he moved, it still hurt when he lied down and kept still. He’s been trying to ration his food out, that's what the people on TV did when they went camping. This was kinda like camping, right? Just instead of a tent he had the cabin and instead of a few days it was a few weeks.

It would be okay. He’d figure something out.

Anything less was suicide.

He knew the way back to town. Well, sort of. He knew the road that led away from the cabin would eventually lead him back to town since it was just the one road and there weren’t any splits or anything like that. So if he followed the road he’d get back to town.

That was something he figured out almost immediately, what he was stuck on was how he was going to actually get there.

He couldn’t drive and he couldn’t call anyone to come get him, mom had broken the spinny phone throwing it at a monster and the plastic had broken apart. That left walking which… Lucas really didn’t want to do.

The monsters had been surprisingly idle for the past month. Squid came by every day to ask if Lucas was ready to come with it yet, and everyday Lucas refused. Lucas didn’t really understand much but, if he was smarter, he might have said the thing was starting to look nervous, or at least an imitation of it.

Lucas could only guess that meant he was going to starve to death soon, but Lucas wasn’t sure why that made the squid nervous since it wanted him dead anyway, so what does the method or place matter?

Then again, Lucas didn’t really understand much of anything, so he was probably wrong.

But regardless, the monsters hadn’t really bothered him, just leaving him alone to slowly starve to death in peace, or what Lucas could count as peace.

Lucas got the distinct impression that leaving the house and starting along the road would very quickly end that peace however. The monsters’ soulless eyes stared at him from the treeline and Lucas knew that if he came close, they’d snatch him up and take him by force wherever Squid wanted him to go.

But he couldn’t do that, because if he willingly went over to them knowing they’d snatch him up, then it’d be just as bad as if he decided to go with Squid.

He just had… He just had to figure out how to get to town safely. Soon, preferably.

He was… He was really hungry.

----

Lucas watched as the sun finally set over the tops of the trees, the long shadows finally bridging the long gap of the backyard and reaching the back of the cabin. Lucas was nearly out of food, only a sparse few bags of chips and frozen bags of vegetables left, but that wasn’t what Lucas was worried about at the moment.

Squid had looked pleased this morning, smug even, if Lucas was interpreting it’s expressions right. He probably wasn’t, he wasn’t very smart and he didn’t really understand much. Lucas didn’t really understand why it was so pleased.

But then he saw it, and he understood.

What lurked beyond the trees, staring at the house since the late afternoon was by far the largest monster he’d ever seen. It was larger than mom’s van with pure white fur and red eyes that seemed to stare directly into Lucas’ soul even from the distance between them.

Lucas swallowed hard and hid the first time he saw it, making sure he wasn’t in sight of any of the windows as he trembled in terror.

Something about that thing was different to the rest, and that difference sparked the terror Lucas was so sure had long died back into an inferno. This thing wasn’t normal, not even by monster standards, that much was obvious just by looking at it. The way it moved, the way it stared, the way Lucas got the distinct feeling it was waiting patiently for… something.

That thing was smart.

Squid was able to fake being smart pretty well since it could talk, but it wasn’t really, Lucas got the feeling it was just being told what to say by something else. Then again, Lucas didn’t understand much, so he was probably wrong.

But the large White creature, with its wolf-like face and large clawed front arms, that thing Lucas knew deep down in his soul was actually smart, much smarter than he was.

It was going to take him away, and with its size Lucas would be powerless to stop it.

But he had to try, anything less would be suicide.

So as the shadows finally touched the house he retrieved his final defense from the kitchen cabinet.

Mom, when she was still mom, always wanted him not to play with fire. Fire was dangerous and could burn you badly, even kill you. Lucas had always kept her words in mind, he always kept everything his real mom told him in mind, and had been very careful with fire and the stove. He wanted to be a good son.

Now, he was going to be a very bad son.

He reached into the cabinet and pulled out the gasoline canister and match book he’d left in there when he’d found it two weeks ago. He wasn’t sure how well fire would do against that thing, but it was covered in fur, so Lucas figured it would at least slow the creature down, hopefully long enough for Lucas to escape.

If not, then, at least he tried.

Lucas peaked out the sliding glass door, making sure to hold the canister and matches out of sight of the glass.

The thing was walking across the backyard.

Lucas felt his heart pound in his chest as he practically jumped out of view. It was show time it seemed. Lucas backed away from the door, his eyes locked on the glass as he fumbled with the canister lid. He’d pour the gasoline on the carpet between them, then set it on fire, then he’d use the fire as a distraction and he’d climb out the kitchen window behind him.

He could- He could do this.

Lucas tensed as a large shadow loomed from behind the glassdoor and Lucas prepared himself for the glass to shatter. He’d need to be quick, the thing probably wasn’t very fast, but neither was Lucas.

But then, to Lucas' shock and mild horror, the glass door began to smoothly slide open as the creature used one massive claw to open the door. Lucas froze in shock as the large clawed hand, covered in white fur with four fingers and a thumb gingerly pressed down into the carpet before it, the creature's head following quickly after.

Surprise and confusion locked Lucas’ body in place as the figure’s form seemed to almost bend and contort in a way that looked almost natural as it shrunk in order to fit through the door, comfortably fitting in Lucas’ living room even as it towered over him. But what most confused Lucas and stopped him from acting was the expression on the things’ face.

Lucas imagined that the thing would be snarling and growling at him, or maybe smiling and cackling as it tormented Lucas and prevented his escape. But no, the thing’s face seemed completely calm, even neutral as its bright crimson eyes stared at Lucas, cold and calculating.

Lucas gripped his canister tighter as he shakily lifted it up in front of him, “D-Don’t move.”

The creature stopped moving, silently staring down at him, frozen in place as it sat in front of him.

Lucas trembled, “I… I’m going to, ah, I’m going to leave now. Don’t… Don’t follow me, or, or I’ll set you on fire!”

“That’s a good idea,” the creature hummed and Lucas felt his mind catch alight. The creature’s mouth didn’t move as it spoke, and yet he could hear the thing’s unnaturally deep voice echoing off the walls of his mind. Lucas felt his breath catch in his throat at the sound.

“The fire, that is,” it continued, “Fire is usually a safe bet for trying to kill something you don’t understand, it certainly helped out all the humans the first time.”

“The… first time?” Lucas asked.

The monster lifted its massive hand and waved it dismissively, “Don’t worry about it kid.”

“I- I said don’t move!” Lucas thrust the canister in front of him. The creature looked down at him, its eyebrows lifting in surprise for a second, before a smile tugged at its jaw, its massive hand hanging limply, frozen, in the air.

“You did, didn’t you, sorry about that,” the creature hummed, though Lucas felt like it didn’t sound very sorry.

“I’ll do it!” Lucas told him.

“Can you?” the creature tilted its head.

“Yes!”

The creature leaned for just a little, “Are you extremely sure you can manage it at this point?”

“I-” Lucas opened his mouth to insist that, yes, he could! And he would! But he was immediately cut off by a burst of movement to his right.

Faster than Lucas could even blink, the creature raised its left hand and brought it down on the couch next to Lucas, smashing it to pieces in an instant. Lucas gasped and cowered as wood and fabric and stuffing erupted from right next to him. His breath caught in his throat as he lifted his arms on instinct to try and protect his face and neck, gasoline splashing on the carpet, himself and a bit on the match box he held in his other hand.

He tensed, waiting for the pain of the impact, but it never came. He cracked open his eyes and looked to the couch, only to see a wall of pure white. His eyes looked back up to the creature and he saw that, while the creature had smashed the couch with his left hand, he’d put his left between Lucas and the destruction to shield him.

Lucas stared at the thing and its smiling face, his heart jack-rabbiting in his chest.

“You see,” the creature sighed as he gingerly brought his hands back down in front of him, resting all four limbs where before he’d been standing on his hind legs, its paws balancing it. “The smart part of your plan was the fire,” it continued.

“Fire actually would give me some trouble, not enough to really harm me in any meaningful way, but it would buy you a few seconds. Buuuut, you should have poured the gas while I was walking across the lawn, that way all you needed to do was light it when I got there. Pouring the gas takes way too long to do it when I’m this close. Tough luck kiddo.”

“A- Ah,” Lucas wilted.

“Now, gimmie the matches kid, you’ve got gas all over them, if you light them now you’ll just set yourself on fire. Which I assume isn’t something you want to do,” the creature hummed as it gingerly lifted its massive hand and reached for the match book.

“No!” Lucas shouted.

The creature stopped, then tilted its head and raised an eyebrow, “No?”

“I’m not-!” Lucas stared up at the thing, “I won’t just let you kill me, or take me, or whatever!”

He dropped the canister and took one of the matches from the book. The creature tensed as gasoline spilled across the floor around them, the liquid rapidly draining from the canister.

“So I’ll get a bit burnt!” Lucas gritted his teeth, “That’s okay, I doubt I’d ever manage to get away from you unscathed anyway. But you’ll get burnt too! I’ll run away and put the fire out, then I’ll keep running until it’s all over. I won’t go willingly!”

The creature stared down at him, tense and wide-eyed. Then a low grumble began to emanate from its chest. Lucas tensed, anticipating the rumble to grow into a growl, ready to light and drop the match and run as the creature finally lost its patience and snapped him up in its jaws.

But, much to Lucas’ surprise the creature burst out in loud, explosive laughter. The creature lifted its hand to its face as tears leaked down its face and its laughter echoed off the walls inside Lucas’ mind and the very real walls of the cabin.

“I’m really starting to like you kid,” the monster laughed, “that bull-headed desire to live you have is actually quite endearing, it’s also gonna be very very helpful in what’s to come.”

“W-What’s to come?” Lucas deflated slightly as confusion once more took over.

“This is just the beginning kiddo, now, stay put for a second, I’ve got something I need to do,” the creature grinned down at Lucas, its eyes twinkling.

“Does…” Lucas swallowed hard, “Are you not going to kill me?”

The creature chuckled, “No Lucas, I’m not going to kill you, or take you away. Well, actually I am going to do that, but not to where the others want you to go.”

“Then where-”

“Shhh,” the creature hushed him as it brought a massive claw to Lucas’ lips, its talon the length of his face pressing gently against him. “Just hang tight for a minute for me.”

Lucas blinked in confusion and surprise at the creature then plucked the matchbook from his limp fingers and turned to the door, “I’ll just be a moment.”

Then, it barrelled outside, the force of its movement pushing Lucas the wet carpet, more gasoline soaking into his pants and covering his hands. Lucas wrinkled his nose as the fumes intensified and his eyes watered at the horrible smell.

He stood on wobbly legs, gas fumes, confusion, hunger, and retreating adrenaline causing his mind to grow fuzzy and disconnected. He carefully made his way to the stairs and gripped the handrail tightly as he stumbled his way up the stairs.

The monster told him to stay put, but Lucas assumed that meant to stay inside the cabin and opposed to standing right where he was before. Then again, he could be wrong and the creature would change its mind and gut him when it came back.

Lucas looked back down the stairs. Well, too late now.

He continued into his room and quickly changed his shirt and pants, throwing the gasoline soaked clothes into the tub and he then started scrubbing his hands in the sink until the awful smell went away.

As he left the bathroom, feeling a little better, he spotted the chocolate bar he’d left on his bedside table for a special occasion. Well, he figured this was as special an occasion as any. He crawled up onto his bed and crossed his legs as he unwrapped the chocolate bar and took a bite.

It was good, really really good, much better than anything he’d had in a long long time, and Lucas wasn’t sure if that taste was due to just the chocolate itself, or the fact that he’d just survived something that should have been impossible. Still, just the taste of it made Lucas feel so much better as he slumped against the wall.

“Oh, you’ve got some candy,” the creature’s voice erupted in his mind, causing Lucas’s eyes to shoot to the door, only to find it empty. Then he heard the window begin to slide open. He turned to stare at the window and found the massive creature carefully sliding it open, then once more shrinking to get inside.

Lucas was hypnotized, watching the creature shrink down to just larger than his mom had been, then grow to a hulking size that left its head resting against the ceiling. The transformations took a few seconds from one size to the next, but just the fact it was able to do it at all mesmerized Lucas.

That and the fact that its fur had turned from a pure white to a deep crimson red, stained in blood.

Lucas gulped.

“Alright, now that all the idiots are dead, we can discuss a bit more what’s going to happen now,” the creature announced.

“The… idiots?” Lucas asked.

The monster once more waved its massive hand dismissively, “all those other monsters hanging out by the treeline, waiting for me to get down with the dirty work they were unable to complete. Though at this point that’s more on you then on them really…”

“I’m sorry?” Lucas asked, unsure if he should apologize or not.

The creature chuckled and shook its head, “Don’t apologize for not wanting to die, kid. You see, their job was to convince you to let them kill you, it’s a whole thing. Anyway, they failed miserably at that because you’re a little fighter, ain’t ya?” the creature grinned as it brought down the heel of its massive hand and rubbed the top of Lucas’ head, messing up his hair and staining it with blood.

“I guess?” Lucas frowned, looking up at the monster.

“That's a good thing, by the way. A very very good thing, because now, our mission is to keep you alive, and your obstinate refusal to die is going to be a major asset to this cause since they can’t kill you unless you want to die.”

“O-obstinate?” Lucas asked, dozens of questions rolling around in his head.

”It means you’re very stubborn,” the monster clarified.

Lucas nodded slowly, “I… I’m not very smart-”

“Yes you are,” the creature cut him off. “You’re ignorant, sure, but that’s not the same as unintelligent. Ignorance you can fix, stupidity you can’t.”

“I…” Lucas wasn’t sure he quite believed that. Mom and the monsters had always told him he was stupid, and they couldn’t all be wrong. “Still, I don’t understand… anything.”

“That’s alright,” the creature reassured him, “there will be more time to talk about this later, for now all you need to know is that you don’t want to die, and I don’t want you to die either, so I’m going to help you. Now, don’t be mistaken, I do find you quite endearing, but I’m doing this for purely selfish reasons, understand?”

“I think so?” Lucas nodded, “We both want me to live because its good for us if I’m alive?”

“Exactly,” the creature messed up his hair some more despite Lucas trying to dodge out of the way, “I told you you were smart. Now, I’m going to hop inside your mind now.”

“W-What?!” Lucas exclaimed as his back hit the wall, instinctively trying to get away from the monster.

“Yes,” the thing nodded, “You see, despite my hulking appearance, I’m actually quite sly. The main thing I can actually do, aside from kick ass and adjust my appearance to an extent, is that I’m able to possess people. That’s actually the reason they asked me to come talk to you in the first place. I’m very good at possessing people and then psychologically, emotionally, and physically torturing them. They figured if I worked my magic on you, you’d crack like an egg.”

“I don’t understand,” Lucas leaned a bit further away, “What’s torture? And I don’t know what psyc- physco-” Lucas scowled as he tried to pronounce the word.

“Psychological,” the creature supplied, “it refers to a person's state of mind. Kinda like how emotional relates to someone's emotions and physical is someone’s body. As for torture, it means making someone feel pain.”

“So you were sent here to hurt me,” Lucas nodded to himself.

The creature smiled, “But you already knew that. See? Smart. You didn’t know the specifics, but you understood the general situation and came up with a plan to try and get out of it. What a cute, smart little boy you are,” the monster cooed as it continued to mess up his hair.

“But you’re not going to, right?” Lucas asked.

“Nope.”

Lucas then scowled, “But you said you were going to possess me, that’s torturing me.”

The creature blinked at him as Lucas’ words processed in his mind, then he grinned and began to laugh once more, “Ah! I see where the- No no, possessing you won’t hurt you kid. I can hurt you once I’m inside your head, but I don’t, like, have to.”

“Oh…”

The creature nodded, “Once I’m inside your head, I can help you get away from the monsters, okay?”

Lucas looked at it warily, “...and you promise not to hurt me?”

“Cross my heart,” the creature made an X-motion over his chest.

Lucas swallowed hard as he looked down at the chocolate bar in his hand. This could be a really really bad idea. He could let this creature in and it could do all number of terrible things to him, it could rip him to pieces from the inside out and Lucas would be helpless to stop it. Yet, it could also be his one chance at escape, his one hope of salvation in this god-forsaken place.

Maybe, just maybe, he could live.

Lucas looked back up at the creature’s shining white and red fur and muttered under his breath, “‘And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not,’ John 1:5.”

“What was that?” the creature asked.

“The Bible,” Lucas replied. “And, okay. Do it.”

The creature tilted his head, regarding him for a moment before it smiled. “Lay back for me, would you, and close your eyes.”

Lucas tentatively laid back and after a moment of staring at the pale wolf covered in blood looming over him, he closed his eyes.

This wasn’t suicide, he decided. It was hope.

---------------------

When Lucas woke up, he wasn’t in bed. Instead he woke up in a dark gray void, seemingly devoid of all life. He looked around and found nothing, just the dark gray dusted ground and the slightly lighter gray featureless sky.

“Ah,” Lucas deflated, “I’m in hell.”

“Not quite kiddo,” a familiar voice announced from behind him.

Lucas spun around to face the creature, only to find its voice wasn’t the only thing about that that had changed. Now, instead of its voice echoing around in his mind with an inhuman rumbling depth to it, it sounded much more like a regular human man’s voice.

It also looked human to.

The monster stared down at where he sat, looking almost indistinguishable from a regular human. It stood above him with the pale, almost pure white skin and white hair so light it seemed to glow hanging messily just over his shoulders. His eyes were the same glowing crimson and his teeth were sharp when he smiled. He didn’t look like anyone Lucas had ever seen before, though he’d not really met many people, but Lucas was fairly sure he’d seen people that looked like the creature on TV, smiling and laughing with other beautiful people.

“Though,” he continued, “I will grant you the comparison, I mean, wow kid, this is hands down the most depressing mind I’ve ever been in. Can’t you, like, imagine some flowers or something?”

Their surroundings remained stagnant.

The monster sighed, “Ah well, not quite sure what I expected really.”

“So,” Lucas looked around, “We’re inside my head?”

“I mean, technically you’ve always been in here kiddo, I’m just hitching a ride” the monster crouched down and ruffled his hair again, now with his new human hand. Lucas scowled as he swatted it away, nearly cutting himself on the monster’s long and very sharp nails.

“Ooooooh, testy testy,” the creature laughed as it continued to try and pet Lucas’ hair.

“Why do you look like a person?” Lucas asked as he continued to battle the monster’s hands for rights over his head.

“Figured it would make you more comfortable, which it has so I was right,” the creature finally relented, rolling back and sitting cross-legged in front of him.

Lucas scowled, but couldn’t argue. It was easier talking to the thing when it looked like a person as opposed to the giant hulking creature. He was still intimidating looking with his red eyes, muscular body and sharp white nails, but less so.

“So, I’m asleep?” Lucas asked.

“Bingo again,” the monster grinned, “Your body is very weak, but we can fix that.”

“And we’re going to be… together for a while?” Lucas asked.

“At least two years,” the monster hummed, “We’ll see what happens after that.”

“Okay,” Lucas nodded, not sure why he specified two years, “So, um, what should I call you then?”

The monster gave him a huge grin, his eyes twinkling mischievously, “You could try my name.”

“You have a name?”

“Wow!” The creature put a hand to his chest, “That’s very rude! Yes I have a name you twerp.”

“Twerp?”

“It means you’re a little brat,” the monster laughed. “But for your information, my name is Æthane.”

“Æthane?” Lucas asked.

“Sure is, but I suppose as I’ll be looking after you from now on you can just call me your new daddy,” Æthane smirked.

Lucas wasn’t sure what face he made but it must have been amusing because Æthane almost immediately tilted his head back in howling laughter.

“You’re too much kiddo I swear,” he grinned, “Something tells me we’re gonna get along just fine for the duration of our time together.”

Lucas really hoped so.

Not like he had a choice.

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smallnico · 2 months

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1, 16, and 17 for the Dark Urge asks!

another long one!! we get into esper's backstory a bit on the first answer and i've been dying to share it. cw for suicidal ideation, probably child abuse too but i've been careful to limit both to necessary information.

1: What circumstances led to your Dark Urge becoming their Class/Subclass?

muscle memory, mostly! lots of extremely hard-wrought martial skills and finely-honed magical affinities just came back to them because of how much of their life they spent training those abilities and taking immense pride in them. but the story behind their picking those abilities up to begin with:

esper was "born" in menzoberranzan! bhaal made a half-human child and birthed it through the murder of a drow noblewoman, which is a little bit of handwaving on my part to explain how they got there. of course, being half-human and apparently killing your drow mother in childbirth is a bit unthinkable, but thanks to bhaal's intervention (i like to think the boon of the unstoppable is like bhaal's way of saying you're not allowed to die until i say so), they survived the drow noble house's every attempt to lock them away or get rid of them, and killed several of their retainers in the process. so, what do you do with that?

well, if you're the matriarch, you decide to use what you've been given for all it's worth. you teach the weird unkillable bloodthirsty demon child some rudimentary bae'qeshel magic through music and dance to help them meditate and control the uncontrollable thirst for violence, and you train them to be an assassin loyal to you. the matriarch did a pretty good job of this, too -- esper went from being a feral murder baby that they kept in the dungeon to being a prodigy assassin, both naturally gifted and extremely motivated to succeed, so they wouldn't be thrown in the dungeon for noncompliance, so they would be praised, and because they had to compensate for their "shortcomings" -- bhaal made them both amab and half-human on purpose before dropping them unceremoniously in the upper echelons of the most murderhungry society in faerûn, so if the matriarch of the house they crashed into like an asteroid is willing to let them do something, anything constructive, esper is going to throw themself into it 10000% and develop an unhealthy devotion to it.

but it really did help them, for a while. they used the secret art of drow bardistry to tame the urges, read and control others' emotions, psychically attack them, and even teleport around. they learned a lot about political strategy in the underdark because the matriarch, growing either complacent or irrationally fond of esper, let them join her retainer of bodyguard assassins and listen in on important meetings. she let them sit in the corner and practice the fear song on houseguests and rivals opposite the meeting tables. she let them train in the noble dual-scimitar style. she encouraged them to kill anyone who questioned their parentage or gender (they're firmly the gender-whatever sort of nonbinary, but were at the time pretending to be a girl on the matriarch's orders to avoid inconvenient questions about having killed their mother and god knows how many other people of rank). the matriarch was never kind, never loving, but she was the closest thing to a parental figure esper had before bhaal, and she taught them one very crucial thing. she taught them a little bit of bardic magic, a lullaby they could use to recenter themself when they felt the urge taking over. bhaal did not like that very much, so he took over esper's body, killed the matriarch, and kicked them back into the bad time machine until they climbed out of the underdark alone and lived on the streets in baldur's gate, wandering in and out of the lives of innkeeps and foster parents until they disappeared into the undercity, never to be seen again. they never stopped practicing the skills they were taught, putting their own spin on them, even if the centering lullaby was never quite as effective after esper learned that their mind could be entirely overridden without warning, that any control they felt was an illusion, until they were taught they could regain control by embracing the urge by a certain gentleman goblin.

tl;dr: esper was born to have a bad time in first the underdark, where they were taught young to be a magic little murder bard, and then the surface world, where, as they grew older, they kept finding ways to practice their old training and use it in their bhaalist worship. when they lost their memories, they forgot all about what happened to teach them those abilities, but their body still remembers how to do them almost on instinct. it's just a matter of navigating the tadpole nerf that hit everyone else to relearn the old stuff.

16: What is your Dark Urge’s greatest desire?

esper has no clue. pre-tadpole they were too depressed and miserable and brainwashed to do or want anything aside from what bhaal demanded they do, basically serving as a willing vessel. to put it bluntly, they wanted to raze the world and kill everything so bhaal would finally let them die rather than live exhausted and desperately lonely, forever. gortash, or rather the time they spent getting to know him and working with him, taught them that the one thing they really wanted (aside from death) was someone to talk to who wasn't afraid of them. they just wanted a friend, human connection, a family that wasn't a murder cult, anything.

post-tadpole, esper's greatest desire evolves. first, they wanted to figure out what was going on in their brain. then, around the tiefling party, it clicked that what they wanted was friends, community, love. then, they figured the best way to keep those things without the urge getting in the way was to understand the urge, to get their memories back, to get the real lay of the land. eventually, their greatest desire became to get as much of their old life back as possible, so they could bring that miserable person they used to be into the present and show them that they aren't alone anymore. it makes esper kind of sad that they had to essentially obliterate their old self (via memories), leaving only the ghosts of emotions and impulses in their body, in order to learn what kindness felt like.

also, they want to kill bhaal for doing all that to them on purpose. but that's neither here nor there. they will settle for killing all of their friends' abusers as catharsis in the meantime

17: What is your Dark Urge’s greatest regret?

if they could remember the murder of the matriarch that taught them bae'qeshel, that would be their greatest regret, followed by alfira's murder. they also genuinely regret not being able to save any of the other chosen 3 from their paths -- it doesn't seem fair to esper that they should be given a chance at freedom and then be content with abandoning the others, their former companions, just because esper had the chance to temporarily forget the cycle of cruelty of their life for long enough to learn what love was. especially because those were the people who were as close to friends who cared as they knew how to be, back when esper was a husk of a person. they regret not being able to acknowledge and repay that somehow.

they don't regret any of the other murders though. they're not a good person they just love their friends

#chronurgy #ask game #the askbox #durgeposting #esper

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