#especially since i went from three weeks without it to basically being on tumblr

[lopaak]

In Stars and Time, Aion, Mirages and Thoughts

Launching a game you were awaiting for long is always weird to live ; you're in a special time frame, an Eon you're aware you'll only live once.

In the case of In Stars and Time, it's also partly because once your finish the game, once your fixation will be over, you know you'll look back a few days or weeks before and realize your life changed in such little time.

Eon, or Aion as I will be referring to, one of the three divinity of Time in ancient Greece, represents the Time of eras, cycles, where Past and Future cohabit like lines on a globe, both parallel and meeting at every pole.

While there is Kronos the linear, unstoppable Time, and Kairos the Time of the moment and opportunity you'll get once, Aion is a Time that takes from both of its siblings.

Aion only happens once, as a specific time frame, a frame constructed by the events within it. Yet it is also a Time you live through during which Kronos' linearity makes you suffer, inexorably, makes you love and appreciate things nearby, makes you fear the end.

Yet it is also a Time in which countless opportunities are presented to you, as Kairos' influence washes over every ounce of Time thrown by the Universe.

Another specificity of Aion is that it is the only of these 3 divinities that has an existence within space, not just Time. It was originally used for astronomical time, to measure the cycle of astronomical objects, of Stars.

So here I was, playing a game about loops, unavoidable cycles of repeating events, while myself being in an Aion, aware of the ephemeral aspect of my emotional playthrough.

So, what about In Stars and Time?

It was a great game, standing in that huge rift between imperfect game and perfect piece. So great actually that this small essay is, unlike my digression about Aion might suggest, about this game!

A professional reviewer making an article on the game might be more interesting and especially, better written than a silly 18yo tumblr user though. Read at your own risk. Spoilers ahead btw!

But, since I'm making this, let's start with the basics, I imagine? The art direction is really, really good. The design of the characters is both cute and distinctive, and the (mostly!) black & white aspect of the game fits the characters and the story really well! Some still art of the characters during the hangouts and at the end of the game brought tears to my 4am-completely-dry eyes.

As an rpg, ISAT does the job well for me. The traditional medieval rpg endgame place, the castle, in this game the 'House of Change', is where most of your gameplay will take place, in 3 different floors. Which starts in the beginning as a map to go up the floors to encounter the King later evolves into a labyrinthine experience as in act 3 and 4 you have to go back in rooms hinted at you by an NPC, by your helper-companion Loop, or by deduction, to get some items, go back to another floor, go to the spawn village, over and over again.

That is where my only negative criticism of the game stands ; Acts 3 and 4 felt sometimes too confusing, hard or complicated, finding the items to advance in the story almost felt more as a burden than a fun detective exploration game. The moments of fun in these were talking with your friends about the discoveries and then going back to the village to talk with Loop. And all that was inevitably done so by Siffrin dying or being frozen in time, which wasn't making all that job any more fun.

BUT! Because most criticisms need a 'BUT', that was also experiencing, what Siffrin, our main silly hat character, was living, and thousands of times less strongly. In this specific case, the slight frustration or annoyance i got by looping to certain floors to get books and all that fuss was completely justified, as the ending would make less sense without it, and Siffrin's development as a character would be pretty meaningless, because they would have went through way less.

Act 5, where Siffrin "slightly" loses it because of everything he went through in the previous acts, is only meaningful because while what we as players might have found annoying, he as a character suffered his heart and mind through it. Every time you decided to step on a banana peel to loop up in the House, Siffrin had to die and fake their feelings to their friends once more. Every time you found slightly annoying that you had to fight a specific enemy (Sadness) again, Siffrin was living it.

About fighting! I felt the battles as really fun, satisfying and never really getting boring? Some criticisms I've seen say that fighting Sadnesses is boring, either too easy or too hard, that it's not fun... But personally i really enjoyed it!

First because, the art of the Sadnesses is like. reallyanotherlevelofdope. I found each Sadness' design amazingly cool. Many of them have this silliness to them, whether in their pose or in their expression, yet they are all crying, and, as their name implies, anything they experience is nothing but sadness. At a point where sometimes, despite hurting them in the process, you almost feel like you're freeing them when defeating them.

And well, the moving patterned background art during the battle is super duper cool as well! As someone who loves patterns of any kind, i found all of them really cool looking. Each Sadness has a background different tied to them!

Secondly on why i liked the battles, this won't be a long point but : simply, the combat system is fun! The rock-paper-scissor aspect, the different Crafts, the jackpot mechanic, all that was pretty fun.

And thirdly, the MUSIC!!! The music playing during the battles is really good and makes them more fun. And that brings me to another point on why I love ISAT : the OST. Which is my next paragraph, how fortunate.

THE OST!!!! Composed by Studio Thumpy Puppy, the soundtrack of the game is stunning! stunningly good! The genre of music i listen to the most surely is videogame ost (I'm even listening to that rn), and the soundtracks of games is something I always pay great attention to and an aspect that really hammers the nail (or nails the hammer?) when it comes to me loving a game. Every track of this ost from the King theme down to the rock-paper-scissor tutorial kid tune is of genuine amazing quality. I can only recommend giving it a listen if you're not interested in the game, and supporting the composer on Bandcamp if you can! The ost is a great fit to the event currently happening in the game, and sometimes really feels as if you were in the place of Siffrin, reflecting their mental state. For example, during Act 5, when everything about the music takes a drastic change and becomes darker, fitting the game and Siffrin's current state.

Oh, did I mention Siffrin's feelings? Makes me realize I haven't talked much about our main character yet. Oh well! Here I go. And that is where I'm gonna spoil!!

Siffrin, the silly hat wizard (wizards are not real, urgh, i mean traveler) is who you play as in ISAT. Every moment you experience is from Siffrin's perspective. He's a traveler (uses he/they!) from another country, unknown even by him at the beginning of the game. Eventually as the game progresses, they realize the land they came from was a land north of the country in which ISAT takes place, Vauguard. That land disappeared years ago, and everyone sort of forgot about it. The characters know there was an island north of Vauguard, but forgot everything about it. Trying to read its language or saying its name out loud gives a headache, if you can even remember the name. A big chunk of the game is about remembrance, Siffrin wanting and trying to remember that name, as he himself forgot. Siffrin is a deeply introvert person, scared when people touch them yet touch starved, have a hard time talking about their feelings, and much more (I'll go into it more when I'll talk about the story and do the essay part of this post). Most aspects of their personality, the topics of depression and trauma he went/is going through, as well as him being asexual makes me relate a lot to him.

However Siffrin is far from being the only multilayered and complex character in ISAT.

AND!!!! Here is when I took a break from ISAT.

A few weeks ago, I started writing this essay and eventually took a break, heh. It gave me time to think more about this silly sad game :)

I wondered whether I should rewrite everything or continue where I left off, and if you're reading this, well it means I decided to continue!!! SO here I am, continuing this essay, however moving the direction a little. I'm easing back on the review aspect and going full-on essay. Let's gooo~ wowee

When there's a topic tough to talk about because of its complexity, I ask myself : why do I want to talk about it? It eases the process to reflect on why I'm doing what I'm doing. But for some topics there's another level of complexity, thanks to, oh well, the emotional attachment there is to it ; and one of these topics is ISAT.

In what lens should I analyze ISAT? Under what light? What zoom level on the microscope? What aperture size? What focus? And perhaps the most important question ; should I use anti flare and damaging equipment? Should my picture of In Stars and Time be burnt, as looking as Stars entails. I think I'm going to look straight into the Stars and let my pupils burn, let this text get consumed, because if this text were to exist in the grand scheme of ISAT, I imagine it would get consumed either way.

Let's think. I'm closing my eyes now. No spider on my neck, no croissant in sight. Thoughts merge with C418's beautiful composition on his album "Excursions".

On the horizon, a plethora of games, shows, movies or artists that will impact my life in more ways than I can imagine at this moment. On the ground, in the sand, In Stars and Time lies, an artifact in the photographic sense, and an Artifact in the sense that it will stay with me, like many did in the past, still impacting what I'm writing right now. I pick up the cartridge..or the..steam key(?), slowly blow off the sand and rise my hand to look at it under the scorching sun. It won't be an easy task. But it wasn't for the past Artifacts either.

So ; In Stars and Time is an incredibly hard object of analysis, both because of its nature and because of my attachment to it. That's for certain. Now, it's far from impossible and nothing's impossible anyways when you have all the time in the world. A lens that I feel necessary to use when analyzing In Stars and Time is the lens of the dispossession of one's identity. Siffrin is forcefully separated from what made them who they are now, forcefully separated from the impending victory and freedom.

Cultural dispossession is something that I can't say I relate myself but is something that had a definite impact on my family, something that I could witness in the eyes of a loved one back a few years ago, someone who was reminiscing their earlier memories as a way to survive in a brain getting used and fatigued. Memories that I could not all write down, as Time was getting close. One day, a bit over three years ago, these eyes closed and with that ended a flow of mental souvenirs.

ISAT made me think about that person a lot. It feels that throughout In Stars and Time, at least to me, grief was treated in a way that I've never seen before. Grief is everywhere, but subtly? It is just a car you see driving next to you during a trip on a long highway. You can't really read its license plate but, do you need to? Do you need to know where that car is from, in what country, what state was it bought? Do you need to know where it is going? No you don't. But sometimes you wish you could know. (Note ; writing this makes me think about this song)

I left all my luggage in the last station. I lost them. Moving on.

Grief is also present as a fear of something that might have already happened, in the character of Bonnie. They did not lose their sister but what if? What if it was too late? 'Siffrin, what if they could never go back because of you? Because of me?'

Siffrin witnessing Bonnie being murdered was one of the most terrifying experience while playing the game. I don't know if Sif can ever recover after that in the future, but my headcanon says so. Thinking about that event makes me ...sick.

Bonnie is, despite their age, one hell of a strong character, for many reasons. Because their final hit can be an absolute bop. Because they make super duper good snacks. Because they're here. They crawled to escape the curse, walked with no gear nor water for days before meeting the crew. All this time, they stayed strong. They kept advancing, in the hope of finding something, anything to help.

And they did. I can see them right now, in this desert, looking at this cartridge. The scorching sun is freezing cold, so I'll keep moving to heat myself at least a bit. I have to continue.

Difference is constructed.

Mirabelle is, in a lot of ways, the other main character. She created the party, she saves everyone's life, she beats the King. It's tough to be more 'main character' than this. At least it is by most fictional adventure standards. She's very unique anyways, but is it a weakness to be unique? Obviously not; except in the house of Change? Tough to say, but needless to say, she has a very dyptical (i made that word up, let's say, "dual") relationship with the House and with her fellow housemaidens. She loves being where she is, she loves her place in the House, she loves her beliefs. But she's scared whether she is the right person, because the reality is that she wasn't "chosen" by the Change God, because there are expectations she cannot (or is repulsed to) fulfill due to being on the aroace spectrum.

That is also something I related a lot with! And the message about religion and more specifically belief is really healthy. To believe is not necessarily to make compromises, it is also to believe in yourself, as apart of whichever deity, able to change, able to be who you are.

I think her fears are very relatable, to many people. To an inattentive eye, it could make her a pretty consensual character when it comes to her personality. A character that everyone can like, she's the nice one, all that. But that'd be falling for the trap she's in herself.

Mirabelle is way more complex than what she may look like, a sweet housemaiden who is nice and caring, here for others, who fits her name really well (to be fair, Mirabelle does suit her alot, but not just bc of the sweetness and all that). She has a strength other characters don't necessarily have ; a strength that is in-game represented by her shield ability and the fact that she deals the final blow to the King. But it's a strength that deeply, is tough to explain and that other people will likely do better than me. A strength tied to her belief in Change, tied to her care towards the people of Vauguard, but also tied to her believing in herself. She seem unsure of herself and, arguably she is in many situations, but when the moment is important she knows what to do and she's sure of that.

In the end of the day ; Mirabelle is aware that she doubts her strength, and knows that she can fight those doubts.

And, as I see in the distance a faraway light illuminating the sky, making day look like night, I understand that a shield, far, far away, is resonating for countries around. In another land that is mere mirages for me, they're celebrating.

I don't want this essay to look review-y too much so I won't go around analyzing Isabeau and Odile like I did previously with the others ; plus, patterns get quickly boring. Nah.

There is a ton to say about Isabeau and Odile though. However I've been thinking about how to express my feelings and essaying on them, and I can't find the words. Which granted I'm no journalist, no professional reviewer, but I feel like any inability to write about the things I love is a form of weakness for me. Just for me though, if, that makes sense, oh, well, okay,. If people read this and are interested in my thoughts about them, I'll definitely try my best to go in depth in another essay, specifically about the whole roaster ; Bonnie, Isabeau, Mirabelle, Odile and Sif! (and another one!) They're in alphabetical order! (not the essay).

I will try for now tho, to at least express a bit my feelings on them two. Isabeau is a beautifully written character. I really see his personality as a glimmer in the party. He's brave and strong, but so romantic and kind-hearted. Like Mirabelle, he may seem like a pretty consensual character that is a bit stereotypical ; the buff guy with a heart of moss. But! Like her, he is much much more complex than what meets the eye of someone casually glancing at a ISAT 100% No Commentary video by "theFullGameplayGuy" or some other name (made them up). (No hate towards these channels. They're lifesavers sometimes. Thanks thefullgameplayguy or any no commentary gameplay channel.)

Got distracted but, like the script of a film being created on set, I decided to not delete my distractions. Makes the essay more me!

Odile. Odile is a character that I found so very intriguing since I played ISAT's "prototype", Start again: A prologue. She talks less compared to the others, she's much older, mysteriously scientific and scientifically mysterious. She's lesbi- oh sorry that's a headcanon. . . Um, so, she's very intriguing, especially until her hangout event where you learn much more about her, her past, her life, what brought her here. She has a personality that is quite hard to get at first, but a really cool and sweet one. When I played the game and had to choose the wish in the first minutes, I actually chose the one with Odile! And the reason is exactly this intriguing personality, her mysterious veil of Craft and Science, and my interest for Ka Bue (the country she came from).

All these characters will stuck with me for a long, long time. While playing, I saw myself in each of them at least a bit. Few games made me feel represented with an array of different characters, all shaped in the small world they're coded in, yet near infinitely complex.

Now I know what you may be thinking. I'm not forgetting Loop!!! I actually thought a lot whether I should include them here and decided that I will include them in that other essay I'll make if it interests people, because they are a WHOLE other level of layers and as much as I love writing this, it's a very big piece I can't really tackle in the middle of an overall essay about the game.

In Stars and Time is one of these games. One of these art pieces that will have a lasting on my life. In the continuity of games such as Undertale/Deltarune, fnaf (yeaa it's a franchise), The Stanley Parable, Stardew Valley, Bad End Theater, Life is Strange, If Found, or more recently q.u.q and Stories Untold, and much much more ; this game will change my perception and apprehension of things, and will continue to influence me over the time, over all my future creative projects. (id recommend to check all the games i mentioned that you haven't heard of!!) It will follow me, for the better, in my creative process. So thank you Armor Game Studio, thank you Studio Thumpy Puppy, and thank you the creator, Insertdisc5!

So ; as I'm nearing the end of this, I wonder what it is. I called it an essay for a lack of better words, but I honestly don't know if I'm qualified to write something and call it an essay. And it's definitely not a review either. But it started as one, a bit! Though i don't want to make a review. So I don't really know! But oh well.

Also, remember the three Time in ancient Greece? I think a lot about its ties to the game, but again, that would be too long and especially, too hard for me to explain with words..?. Everything interconnects, everything meets everywhere, everything, on all ends and all thoughts. And ISAT is now part of a cobweb bigger than worlds, words and concepts. I might, tho, try to write about it, one day.

Call me lazy for not expanding on some topics but it's tough to produce allthat for my tiny brain!! I really want to go further but you know. Eh

As for me, I continue walking in the sand. In the erased steps of someone of more importance, I go forward toward the unknown with a new piece in the forever expanding puzzle of a life ; a piece called In Stars and Time.

#in stars and time #ISAT #essay? #thoughts about a game i really like :) #it's probably not really good but it's my first time

[kuiinncedes]

:P

#i'm really not complaining or anything i'm just like #being annoying lmao it's so dumb i keep thinking like #why do i rarely get random asks/anons :') #which is literally so dumb lmaooo like it doesn't matter at all #i feel like that's kind of a common thing tho idk i think i'm boring to talk to #slash people don't really want to talk to me???? #now that's just me bringing my other dumb issue into it too lol #bc i want to talk to my friends but i feel like i'm being annoying #bc i texted them when i finished my semester and they didn't really respond like one of the two reacted to the message and that's it #and they should also be done but no one texts me updates or anything #like sometimes it feels like no one wants to talk to me voluntarily?? #and/or it's just me telling myself that no one really cares #akdhfgdksljgflkdhsfakjsghdljfskfgjhf #i think a bad part of being on tumblr tho is also seeing how other people get asks and shit and comparing myself #based on ABSOLUTELY NOTHING aslghklsjfsjddkfs #so it kinda amplifies all this shit #i need to limit my tumblr usage a little more lol #like the fact that i feel like getting notes and asks is like some kinda validation???? stop #especially since i went from three weeks without it to basically being on tumblr #for hours at a time especially at night #i'm just refreshing every five seconds lol #anyway i'm fine i might reblog an ask game or something if i see one bc i'm desperate for attention XD #(/lh for all of this lol) #stfu jeanne #like .. everything's fine i just like rambling about dumb shit lol #bc i don't really have other friends i feel liek i can go to alkshdgalskjdf anyway #yeah jeanne maybe try to work on one of ur fucking fics rn lol

[shijiujun]

i feel kinda bad for shl cos all the fans of hyx and spl are blaming shl since their dramas are being delayed :(

LMAO I really don’t get that altho i can see that the timing might be a little back to back, and i’m not a SHL-only stan by any measure but:

For HYX especially,

Firstly it was already having problems since the end of last year with censorship and review. This is mostly due to the reason that 2ha is a pretty big fandom and is the cult fave in the danmei industry - what this means is that there are three types of fans basically right, (1) Normal fans who love the novel + show (2) Those who fanatically love the novel in some extreme ways haha (3) Those who hate it and/or are HYX-onlys - so you get it all in a bag. 

The first type of fans is definitely the easier ones to deal with, but unfortunately in big fandoms you get a lot of (2) and (3). It’s not something that’s exclusive only to 2ha/HYX but because it’s a cult fave, and a controversial one at that, problems definitely arise.

(2) are the ones who head down to the filming scenes, take photos and footage despite crew telling ppl not to do it, not to sneak around filming sites and definitely not to leak photos or footage. They do it anyway. Yeah sure of course it’s a couple of photos every few weeks or a tiny video every few weeks but word gets out. They’re inevitably hurting the show and the fandom with their actions, because shit trends on Weibo really fast, and the censorship committee (not just for the film industry or shows) is always lurking on the site to catch any sign of you know, hate speech for the country etc. and more. Not related, but the point is that social media is watched very closely. It’s not a myth or an exaggeration, you really just got to be careful, and HYX is a show that, despite not having been broadcasted, has consistently trended on Weibo over the last few months. Not always because of leaks, but yeah, HYX is in everyone’s faces. Fans themselves put a fucking huge spotlight on the show BEFORE we even have any content at all, and of course this isn’t enough to like create huge trouble for the show but then we have-

(3), which I believe creates the most trouble - the thing is 2ha and meatbun who wrote the book, has a long line of haters and antis, way before HYX came into the picture. I shall not go into details of how I’ve seen some big accounts on Tumblr here spit vitriol at the book without even reading it just based on the content/trigger warnings and playing the morality card (and I think most ppl who’ve followed me for a while know just what I think about that). Like this was way before any footage or leaks or even HYX being a thing came about - as a cult fave it has its share of haters, and this share is a huge. There are those who get off on their moral high grounds XD and I think especially these ones are the most troublesome, all they have to do is report that HYX is immoral, bad for culture etc. etc. hahaha and yeah the censorship team is always ready to step in on reports, especially on BL stuff.

And of course the larger part is the change in censorship processes - honestly even way before SHL came out in end Feb, HYX was no closer to getting passed by the review committee than it is now. Maybe yes, SHL scenes may be now used as reference for comparison but seriously? People are deluding themselves if they thought pre-SHL HYX was going through the review process smoothly and only hit roadblocks after. I mean, we’ve all seen the leaks, some of them are truly like god-tier scenes that may be hard to explain away. It’s not like they can repackage the script especially because they have to submit everything to the review committee.

I mentioned this in a post yesterday but how SHL passed reviews is due to the fact that they didn’t have to submit a full script. They only had to submit a partial script, and that makes a world of difference. Basically a team, under these requirements, can repackage the script to include the more het looking parts even I feel, and of course some heavy misdirection by the team, it could work. Now that you have to put an entire script up for scrutiny.. I mean, it’s hard. This is just a game of probability.

And the last reason I think is still Tencent. Honestly, I’ve never seen a huge ass MNC like this handle a show this terribly.

1. No control over leaks - This is honestly the dumbest shit to do

2. Terrible crisis management response time - When fans leak footage, it’s standard and practical business sense to control it IMMEDIATELY. They shouldn’t just leave it up to the crew to put up notices and as the company that owns the rights to the show, it’s up to them to possibly threaten legal action as well. Basically a sterner stance would have helped a lot, but Tencent is a motherfucker of a company who only cares about free marketing and publicity without any considerations over impact to the show itself 

3. Terrible at communicating with fans - Seriously, I’ve never seen a company or team that’s been this bad at confirming delays etc. and providing updates about a show. I understand that it’s mostly due to them not wanting to affect the review process or create more chaos within the fandom but lmao Tencent allowed the hype to build so much and then goes absolutely silent at crazy rumours. I mean we had to find out about a delay from Cai Bao, their cat mascot, like??? In a really veiled and poetic message that didn’t outright say the word ‘delay’ like damn these ppl have a lot of time

As for SPL,

Lol we don’t know anything about this show. We don’t know if they took out or left in the Yifu part that would supposedly make it less gay or whatever, we don’t know anything about how gay it should have been or could have, so this one might be a tad more ridiculous. I mean none of us have seen any good leaks, and we haven’t seen any of the script, we got ZERO idea about this. Maybe they really went hard on the bromance, how would any of us know hahaha so all the more it’s like people have zero basis to go on, to say that it’s because of SHL. Seriously, everyone’s shooting in the dark.

Technically if laws didn’t change last Feb, I think SPL/WIK should have been passed in the same way as SHL did, but it’s just inopportune time for them.

===

- So tl:dr HYX already had tons of problems, that I doubt were going to go away just because SHL didn’t air, honestly. For SPL, it’s really hard to tell what failed the review, because none of us know what’s going on in the script.

No one cared about SHL, even I only realized the show was airing on the day itself and then made a rec post after I watched the first 4 eps. And if it truly was anything to do with SHL, I’m telling you that the first thing the censorship committee will do is basically shut SHL down, get Youku to take it off sites etc. until it’s reviewed again etc. etc. That hasn’t happened yet, at least not before HYX and SPL were stalled.

===

ALSO!! Don’t have to feel sorry for SHl fans hahaha I’m telling ya a lot of us definitely weren’t OG SHL or TYK fans, seriously! All the bigger accounts I see on Twitter are a combination of CQL/SHL or MXTX/SHL, SPL/SHL and I am personally 2HA/HYX/SHL. The fight is all out on Twitter HAHAHAHA but it’s not that bad, we’ve all got practice. Seriously WHO ACTUALLY is an SHL only stan I’ve honestly not seen much?! HAHAHA the point is we’re all yelling on behalf of SHL as a cross fandom fan, easier for us to do so as well. We’re talking about 2ha/HYX/SPL/Priest dedicated accounts that delved deep into SHL championing for no-nonsense in the space hahaha

#asks #shl #hyx #spl #and while i've never worked for the chinese film industry #i was in film and production #so i half know what i'm talking about #and i did ask a friend who works in a chinese film company #and yep ;/ #if you need to know how disastrous big companies are #tencent is a prime example

[angelanimedesaray]

Through the Looking Glass Chapter 11:  Winter Snow

AN:  Yaaassss This is one of those chapters that has been in my head since I started writing the series.  Finallyyyyyyyy we’re here.

Also consider this the point that they’re not kids anymore.  They’ll be full blown adults next chapter.  Still teenagers here, but they won’t be in the next chapter.

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Mentions of Varioud BG Characters

Pairing:  (Eventual) Levi x Reader

Warnings:  Language, Mentions of Bullying, Depression, Bit of a Breakdown, Angst

Word Count:  12296.....Holy Shnikies, is that a new record for me with Tumblr fics? I think it is... O.o

<----Previous Chapter    Masterlist    Next Chapter---->

Gif Found HERE

*Levi’s POV*

When she had shown him the little booklet of information about college, he hadn’t at the time realized just how big of a part that was going to play in her life--not so soon, at least.

It was nothing that happened right away, and not something that he noticed as soon as it started to happen.  For a while, everything continued as it always had.  He would show up in her world and be granted a brief reprieve from his life, with her pulling him deeper and deeper into the wonders her world had to offer, showing and teaching him new things.  When she turned fifteen and was able to drive a car--he finally had a name for those damn horseless carriages--she took the time to try and teach him how to drive those death machines as well.  It was rocky at first, with her focusing on how this button and this position and this pedal did such and such, starting with simply getting the car going and moving it back and forth, teaching him about basic signs, driving on certain terrains and in certain weather…

It ended up being an entire process, and it took more than a few days where they saw each other to teach him how to safely drive a car--and even then, she only taught him to use an automatic.  Apparently there was another kind of car that operated differently, but she said he shouldn't worry about learning to drive the other one unless she ended up getting one of those different cars.

It had been much easier learning the emergency phone number in her world, the number to call if there was ever trouble and they needed help.  Three numbers and press the green phone button, it didn't get much easier than that.

Of course, he also kept learning other things.  He liked to peruse the books in her house, particularly the ones about the history of her world, or the nature and what it looked like beyond what he saw with her.  Sometimes that was what he did while he waited for her to finish her schoolwork.  Other times, he practiced what she'd been showing him on the piano.  He wasn't as good at it as she was, but he also didn't have a piano to practice on in his world--not unless he drew all the keys in the dirt and pretended he heard the sounds of the keys while he practiced the patterns and positions.

Even though he'd practice by himself while he waited for her to finish the homework beyond his understanding, he preferred when she would help him practice.  He liked having her sit so close beside him, hands over or under his to show him the keys…

She also liked to take him places.  Especially after she got that car.  If they had the time and it wasn't too late in the day, she would drive them to another town to see a new park.  Once she'd gone bowling--and they'd both sucked until he finally got the hang of it.  She taught him pool after getting grumpy over Levi getting the hang of bowling and pulling ahead of her in three or four games.  Pool she'd been fairly good at, as had Levi once he got used to using the pool stick instead of a knife--he had wicked aim and accuracy, which helped him significantly in that game.

She liked to bring him places to try foods from different cultures with her, or to walk through bookstores and help her choose new fantasy or sci-fi or supernatural stories to read.  She’d even buy him any books that caught his eye so that he could read them when he visited, though he usually checked with her that they were non-fiction, first, so he could still learn something about the world she came from in the process.

While all this autonomy started to appear, and they were able to do and see more things, she was also...changing.

She was always so eager to get out of the house when she saw him, looking relieved and happy for an excuse.  When she thought he wasn't looking, she seemed tired.  There were circles under her eyes, a slight slump to her shoulders, and the few times Levi drove the car instead of her, if he glanced over at her he could catch her with her eyes closed, like she was trying to rest a little in the brief silence between them.  A few times, she'd fallen asleep on him, though Levi never said anything about it, even when she woke up embarrassed.  The most she would get would be a soft 'Tch' before he went back to whatever he'd been doing to entertain himself while she rested.  Considering how eagerly she always threw herself into their time together, she had to be exhausted if she was falling asleep during it.

And he didn't mind it at all when she fell asleep on him.  For those few minutes, it felt like he got to be the one to take care of her for once, something he didn't get to do nearly as much as he would like to.  She took care of him so much and in so many ways, he doubted he'd ever be able to catch up and return the favor to its fullest extent.  Plus, he soon found out why she always seemed so exhausted.  It turned out she was stressed and spread thin.

It was something he had to piece together slowly from things she said or papers he found.  She was always so focused on making the most out of his visits, that she never said a word about how tired she was, or the things that were stressing her out.  She wanted him to take his mind off his life, to not worry, so she tried not to mention anything that would make him worry about her.

But he paid attention when she talked to him.  She was going to school five days of the week, yes, but she was also working two jobs, as well as some babysitting on the side when the opportunity presented itself.  Her mother had apparently remarried, and was expecting another child soon, so she was trying to help more around the house with things her mother couldn't do due to her pregnancy.  She was putting in all the work required to stay at the top of her class, namely the very top, which would be called a valedictorian.  She was also keeping up with her interests, helping her mother with an out of home bakery business, keeping up with her piano practice, and she did something called skating that she felt gave her some exercise but also relaxed her.  She was also in one or two school activities that took her time, and once they reached a certain age, college came back into play, and she started applying to be let in and to be awarded money to go while keeping up with everything else.  He didn't know how she managed to find the energy to drag him all over creation and keep him discovering new things.

Every now and then she let slip that she wanted to leave the town she felt trapped in, and the people in it, and he could see the desperation in her eyes to do just that.  The stressors he could understand her wanting to leave, but the people...it took a few more hints for him to figure that part out.

Less of a hint.  He had to get her at the right moment, when she finally opened up to him about the part that worried her the most.

He'd appeared in one of his favorite ways--quietly, when he'd simply been walking down the street--and had suddenly been the private audience to the soft piano music being played in the darkened living room.

The happiness he felt to be here again, and to be hearing her music as well, was muffled when he noted the overall tone in the room.

The music was sad, melancholy, depressing, and there wasn't any light in the room to illuminate her or the piano, the curtains on the windows pulled closed, the lights kept off. He approached from behind quietly, a small frown on his face as he came up to inquire what was wrong.

Along the way, his foot crunched a paper, the sound unheard by Y/N because she was focused on the piano and what she was playing, not the rest of the room.  He picked it up to look at it closer, realizing it was part of a stack of papers that looked like those applications she'd been filling out so many of recently.

It wasn't one of the applications, but rather a note--a letter--attached to the top and addressed to her parents.  It was from one of her teachers, and it went on to talk about how the school she wanted to go to had a very low acceptance rate, was very far away and wouldn't have certain financial aid available for her, and how it was a very expensive school.  How she 'shouldn't plan on going to the one school alone, because it was unlikely for her to get in, and even less likely for her to pay for it' and needed to apply for more scholarships and to other schools, yet she refused to apply to more than two schools, and refused to apply for some of the scholarships.

Probably not the only thing bothering her that had her playing in the dark, but it was a good hint.

After putting the paper back into the stack, he stepped a little closer, finally making his presence known by commenting on the mood in the air she'd created.

"So doom and gloom--I'm supposed to be the depressing one," Levi quipped in a flat tone and she whipped around in surprise, banging her knee on the piano in the process and turning back around to clutch at her knee and hiss.

The pain, however, was an excuse to try and hide what he'd already seen.  Tears, freshly falling down her cheeks, and not from hitting her knees.

Levi’s usual closed off demeanor shifted, and he quickly came over to sit beside her on the bench.  She turned her head away from him to hide the tears as she tried to--unsuccessfully--wipe them away without him noticing.

The problem was that as soon as he was sitting beside her, he realized he didn't know what to say--either to get her to talk about it or to comfort her.  He simply sat there awkwardly in silence with her facing off to the side and him facing the piano, both of them unable to talk for some reason.

Hesitantly, unsure if it was the right move but knowing at least it would be something, Levi let his fingers find their way to the right place on the piano, and started to play one of the newer and more difficult pieces she’d taught him recently.  It was melancholy--most of the ones she taught him had a bittersweet edge to it, or at least a part of the song that felt that way--but it felt fitting for the moment, and he thought perhaps the song would prompt her to do something in return.  Maybe she’d play with him.  Maybe she’d start to talk.  That was up to her.

Levi quietly played out the song, focused on hitting the right chords, making sure his arm brushed against hers every now and then in the process when he reached for keys closer to where she was sitting as a way of having some contact with her.  She was silent at first, just listening to him play the song before, about halfway through, she finally reached out with one of her hands to play half the song.  Levi felt a little relief to be getting a response from her, and he let his hand slide over hers as she played half the song for him, feeling her fingers moving below his, able to feel the slight shake in them even though she seemed to be playing the notes steadily.

They continued like that for a while, before Levi started to worry that she might try to use the piano as a distraction rather than an opening to start talking.  As they neared the end of the song, he finally spoke up, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, fingers still moving over the keys.  She shook her head, keeping her face turned away from him so he couldn’t see her expression.

“It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.”

“It really is.  It’s stupid, and it doesn’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

“If that was true, you wouldn’t have been crying.”

She sighed, hitting one of the notes with more force than necessary and letting her hand drop away from the piano just short of the end of the song.  Levi stopped playing as well, sitting quietly on the bench and gazing patiently at her back as he waited for her to start speaking.

“It’s just...everything going on, you know?  I mean, I took it all on myself, I really shouldn’t complain, and I wouldn’t, but it gets so much...harder when...Gah...I hate people…”

Her voice shook, and she sniffled rather loudly, rubbing her left eye with her palm.  Suddenly, Levi realized that besides the one time he’d helped her find her home when she’d run away...he didn’t think he’d seen her cry so openly around him.  He reached out to gently touch her shoulder, and a shudder seemed to go through her at the contact, and she turned on the piano bench so that she could face him, burying her face in his chest as a small, hiccupped sob escaping her as she curled up against him.  He was taken aback for a moment, but after feeling his heart ache and feeling how she was clutching at the fabric of his shirt, he gently draped an arm around her shoulders, letting his other hand gently touch her shoulder in a loose hug.

“Are people picking on you again?” Levi asked, digging for information to try and figure out what was wrong so he could figure out how to properly help her.  She gave a bitter laugh at his question, a sound that seemed strange coming from her.

“I think I’d prefer getting beaten up like back then to this bullshit,” she said bitterly, and Levi’s eyebrows raised.  He was pretty sure that was the first time he’d heard her swear, too.  “No, I...I’ve always kinda been an outcast, at school...which I guess I got used to it...somewhat...but it’s gotten really hard this year.  I’ve been working my ass of, and...and it just gets that much harder when you’re constantly hearing people call you lazy, and then you come home to hear the exact same thing as if you’re not spending every hour trying so hard...and then every time you accomplish something, everyone’s back there talking about how it's not going to matter anyway.”

She adopted a voice clearly meant to mimic everyone else, a bitter and cutting edge to her tone even with how her voice was muffled in his chest.  “Like you’re actually going to get accepted by any colleges or scholarships, you never get anything in on time, you’re always being told to get things in or they’ll be late, always turning it in last minute, you’re so lazy you never get anything done or doing what you’re supposed to be doing, like you’ll have enough scholarships or meet the deadlines for the places you want to go.  Oh, you got accepted by that college?  Well it’s not like you’ll ever be able to actually pay for it.  Oh, well if you do go to this college you want, you’ll just crash and burn anyway--you’re so straight laced I bet you’re that kid that goes crazy with freedom in college and drops out.  You’ve never had a boyfriend or had that many friends, you’re totally going to be that crazy cat lady with forty cats and no friends.  You can’t afford to go out for an hour, you have to stay home and get all these applications done, plus your homework, and don’t forget stuff for bible study every morning, and your practices, and yearbook, and everything else under the damn sun you’re not allowed to mess up in cause you have to be the perfect child that’s the first to go to college, you have to get the perfect cushy, high paying job, perfect grades, perfect activities, don’t get snippy with me if you’re feeling stressed it’s all your fault because you’re being lazy and not doing the work like you’re supposed to, you keep screwing around.  You’re tired?  Same thing applies--you don’t know tired, you’re just lazy and you can’t manage your time.  If you’re feeling so stretched thin, then you should just drop something.  But not this, or that, I don’t care if you don’t think this helps, don’t drop it either.  Oh, you’re not actually allowed to drop anything, just make it all work.”

Her grip tightened on him as she spoke, and he wasn’t sure if the trembling in her body was from sobs or rage with how bitter her voice seemed to sound despite the wobble from tears or the occasional hiccup of a sob.  He didn’t interrupt with any of his thoughts, he simply let her rant and rave to him, let her vent, because clearly she needed to.

“I know it shouldn’t matter.  I shouldn’t care about what they have to say.  It's the same people who make sure anything I like is uncool schoolwide as soon as they know I like it, who thought it would be so...fucking funny to make me go to homecoming with the kid who treated me like a disease and wouldn’t even touch my arm the whole time, the same kid who told me to go kill myself in class and people just fucking laughed and the teacher didn’t even blink even though she was sitting right there.  I shouldn’t give a damn about what they have to say, but after so long of hearing it, no matter how thick of a skin I think I’ve built up it still...it still gets to me, and I’m just...I’m just so tired…”

She sagged against him, like some of the fight left her after she finished speaking, curling up in his arms like a baby rabbit seeking shelter, like there was a fox right outside the burrow waiting to devour it and it knew it couldn’t run from it.  Levi had stiffened at the mention of the kid who’d told her to kill herself, his expression darkening as he got a better perspective of what her life was like at school, something he now realized he’d never heard about the social side of, only ever her schoolwork and the subjects she studied.  Never the people.

Now he knew why.  He just wished she would have said something sooner.  Did she really think that just because she wasn’t getting beat up that it wasn’t still a real problem?  If it was getting this bad…

She stayed slumped in his arms for several long moments, Levi gently rubbing her back to try and soothe her as he waited for her to regain her composure, feeling like she still had more to say and not wanting to interrupt her while he quietly absorbed information.  Then, abruptly, she sucked in a long breath and pulled away, arm rubbing angrily at her eyes with a fierce frown on her face.

“It’s still nothing, though,” she said as she got to her feet to start an aggravated pace, and Levi was just about to argue that yes, it was, after that long rant that had driven her to cursing and tears, but she was still talking, and she had a determined venom in her voice as she spoke.  “It’s nothing, because I’m not going to let it turn into something.  I don’t care if its spite driving me right now, but I swear I’m going to prove every last one of them wrong and--and--and break out of the fucking cage everyone keeps trying to put me in.  Even my mom.  I love her, but she’s just as bad, always demanding I be so fucking perfect and do what she wants instead of what I want.  But even she’s trying to pin me down, she keeps pushing for me to go to these colleges nearby, or to stay in the area, or to settle for something else even though what I want to do...yeah, its difficult, it's a high bar, and it’s going to take me really far away, but it’s my life, it’s my choice.  And I’m going to prove every last fucking one of them wrong and get the hell out of here and make something of myself.”

She finished with a huff, having worked herself up in her rant, turning to look at him with slightly flushed cheeks, looking expectantly at him for some kind of reply now that she was finished and he’d been silent for so long.  It wasn’t like he had the words to say, though--he wasn’t good at words, and she’d just dumped a lot of information on him.

“All those bad words.  I think I’m a shitty influence on you.”

She was taken aback for a moment, staring at him for a second before she snorted in surprise, the tension slowly draining from her shoulders and the faintest smile coming across her face.  She approached the bench once more, sitting beside him with the blush coloring her cheeks and her hands locked tightly together.

“You’re the only real friend I’ve had, no matter where I’ve gone.  You’ve always been here for me.  I don’t think I tell you enough that I’m really thankful to have you.  I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t.”

Her words were softly spoken, and she stayed close to him the entire time, even if her embarrassment didn’t allow her to look him in the eyes.  And to hear her say it aloud to him...it settled doubts he might have had that he wouldn’t have voiced otherwise, helped put some of the restlessness inside him at ease.

Levi looked at the piano in front of him, grasping the handles for the key lid and lowering it over the piano keys.  “You’ll make it,” he said with affirmed certainty.  “You’re tougher than you think.  You’ve made it this far, haven’t you?  What’s a little further?”

He looked over at her to catch her smiling warmly at him, a twinkle in her eyes, and he felt his heart soften in the face of that expression.  Once the key lid was in place, he gently touched her shoulder to give her a playful shove like she tended to do for him.

“You need a break.  I’m here.  What should we do?”

She heaved a sigh, looking away for a moment and chewing on her lip as she considered what was possibly an endless list of possibilities.  “It’s gonna start getting colder soon...so it should be something we won’t be able to do once winter settles in...I think it’ll be clear skies tonight…”  She turned to face him, that sparkle in her eyes again and a smile on her face.  “I know what we’re going to do.  Come on, we’ve got a bit of a drive to make first,” she said excitedly, getting up off the bench and heading to the front door, where she picked up what Levi knew to be her car keys.

Levi got up to follow her, wondering to himself where they were going now, and how far of a drive it would be.  What in-town activity would they be carrying out today?

They got into her car, Levi looking up to see the night sky as he opened the passenger side door and got inside, Y/N already starting up the car before he even shut the door and driving the car out of town and into open country.  They drove in silence for several minutes, Levi sneaking peaks at Y/N the entire time, mulling over the stress she was under and her confession in the other room.

He would have beat the shit out of a few people by now if he was there, but he never showed up when she was in school, always after.  He was never around when she needed him around, which meant that it was something she had to deal with on her own.

It was like he’d said, though.  She was stronger than she thought.  He’d seen the determination and the fire in her eyes before.  She would make it through.  And she would reach her goals.  Even if she had to get herself through on spite right now.

He still wanted to get his hands on that one individual in particular…but she hadn’t even given him a name.

Y/N suddenly took a turn onto a dirt road that went so far into a wheat field, turning off her lights--which immediately caught Levi’s attention--before she brought the car to a stop and shut all the lights off, reaching into the back to grab a blanket before she opened the door.

“We’re actually not supposed to be here--it’s private property--but we should be fine so long as we’re gone before dawn,” she said with a spark of rebellion in her eyes.

Good.  It sounded like she needed to break some rules and get outside some of the restrictions around her for a while.

Getting out of the car, Levi spoke up in a low voice, looking around at the field around him and noting that the hay didn’t reach high enough to cover the car.  There was a corn field behind them that would have been high enough to cover the car, but for some reason they’d parked here.  “What are we doing out here?”

Y/N got on the hood of her car carefully, scooting back until she could lean back to lie on the windshield with her legs stretched out in front of her.  She gestured for him to come up onto the hood instead of responding, waiting until he’d crawled up with a sigh before she threw the blanket over both of them.

As soon as he leaned back, he understood why they were here.  Leaning back on the hood of her car, he had a clear, unobstructed view of the night sky.  Where the corn would have reached high enough it could have obstructed the view somewhat, the wheat was low enough it didn’t creep into his line of sight for the sky.  It was just pure...open sky.  And out here, where there were no lights from town, just nature, the stars shone brilliantly in stunning detail, the only light that could have ‘affected’ the view being the moonlight itself.  But it was still a dazzling display above him, and all around there was the soft rustle of wind through the wheat fields, crickets, the occasional howl from coyotes in the distance--just nature, fresh air, the sky laid out endlessly in front of them…

Y/N shifted onto her side, curling up next to him with a comfortable sigh.  “I know you live underground so...I figured it’s about time we went stargazing.  I’m surprised we haven’t yet.”

Levi turned his head enough to look at her, noting that she was looking at him far more than the stars, probably gauging his reaction.  For her, this was something she saw quite frequently, so maybe his reaction to it was more interesting to her.  Still, knowing she’d chosen this because she knew about where he lived, how it wasn’t an everyday sight for him, how this was a sight that was denied to him…

Much like earlier, he put his arm around her instead of choosing to respond with words, pulling her a little closer to him as a way to show her his gratitude, that this did, in fact, mean something to him, and he appreciated her gesture.  She seemed to understand, that blush returning to her cheeks as she buried her face in his chest and pulled the blanket tighter around them as if that could hide her reaction and make it seem like she was just getting warm.

Knowing she drove them out here so they could see the stars, that her idea of an escape was to show him something that he rarely got to have and to sit in silence with him for however long they wanted to…

He cared about her.  Deeply.  That had never been in question.  From the moment she’d built that safe place for him--an image called to mind as he looked up at the stars unobstructed much like he had once looked up at them from the nest she’d created for him through the window of the tiny wooden playhouse--he had a soft spot in his heart for her.  And over the years, she just burrowed deeper and deeper, that flickering flame growing stronger, the warmth getting more intense.  She made him happy--made him feel like he belonged, even if he flickered in and out of the world.  Even though he didn’t get to stay, he was still so grateful to have a chance to be part of her life, to know her, to spend time with her.  She was a safe place for him, a place where he didn’t have to keep his guard up, where he could relax and just...be.  All these things he felt for her, and one thing that had held him back recently had been a concern that she might not feel the same way.

Now, lying side by side and looking up at the stars, knowing she’d done it for him and that this moment between them was what she considered an escape from her problems, that he might be as much of her escape as she was his...it gave him the sense that maybe, just maybe, she might care for him, too.

He didn’t say anything, though, not yet.  Right now, he just wanted to enjoy this as long as it lasted, with her in his arms lying next to him--eventually falling asleep, which he didn’t disrupt considering he now knew how much she needed it--gazing up at the stars in relative silence.

Sometime after she fell asleep, Levi looked down at her, the arm that had been wrapped around her all this time moving just slightly so his hand could reach into her hair, giving it a few soft, gentle strokes.

“Stay with me...I don’t want this to end…” he murmured softly for only him to hear, the stars and moon his only witness as he breathed her in for a moment before lying back down to gaze up at the sky, for once grateful to his insomnia to allow him to stay awake and simply bask in the simplistic beauty of the moment.

*Reader’s POV*

At long last, Levi finally blipped into your world during winter, when there was snow on the ground.  You had been waiting years to be able to show him snow for the first time, to get to see his first experience with snow, share it with him…

As soon as you saw him appear in your room, you immediately dropped the pen you were using to write neatly on your scholarship applications and leapt to your feet, grinning widely at him and not even giving him a chance to orient himself in your world before you had your arm hooked around his and you were leading him down the stairs to the front door, where you started throwing winter clothes at him.

"Oh my God you're actually here, your timing is perfect cause right now--well, just put it all on, I don't want to spoil the surprise!" You squealed excitedly, yanking on a hat, gloves, a coat, simply draping the scarf loosely over your neck without wrapping it.  You tried to jump in and help Levi get dressed as well so he would move faster, but that only made him grumpy.

"I've got it--I can dress myself, I don't need you to do it for me," he grumbled, shrugging on the flannel coat you'd grabbed for him.  It was actually one of your stepfather's many coats, and it utterly dwarfed Levi...considering your stepfather was in the six foot range in height, and Levi…

Well, at least he would be well covered and warm.

Once Levi was well bundled and looking at you with a mixture of impatience and expectancy, you happily flung open the door, about to bound outside before you reminded yourself it was slick outside and you needed to watch your step.  You checked yourself, stepping around the icy spots outside your door and hanging back to shut the door so Levi could just focus on the experience.

It was snowing outside.  Not only that, but it had been snowing for the past few days, and there was a white blanket over the world at least a foot deep, with icicles hanging from the roof edge and ice patches hidden under the snow making the pathways treacherous.

Levi paused on the porch once he could see what the outside world looked like, with you sliding discreetly behind him to shut the door before too much heat got out of the house, quietly creeping around to his other side to watch him as he walked with slightly widened eyes to the edge of the covered porch, looking at the icicles and reaching out to touch one gingerly, head peeking out from the cover of the porch to look up at the white flurries falling from the sky.  His breath fogged in front of him, making him pull back for a second before he looked over at you, watching him excitedly on the porch.

"Snow," he said simply, and you nodded at him exuberantly.  You reached out to take his hand, stepping out into the snow and noting how high up to his legs he sank into the snow as he followed behind.  You didn't keep a hold of his hand, only grasping it long enough to get him to follow before letting go and allowing him to comfortably walk beside you.

"There's so many things to do and see--its cold, and I honestly hate the cold, but staying warm shouldn't be too much of a problem," you said with a glint in your eyes.  You knew the perfect place for sledding, knew somewhere the snow was particularly thick that would serve well for snowmen and snow forts and snowball fights.  Maybe it was little kid stuff, but Levi needed the chance to cut loose and be a kid, especially since he never had the snow experience when he was actually a little kid.  You might have to spend a bit of money, but you were fine with that, too, your purse slung firmly over your shoulders.  You could get a good sled at a nearby store, you could afford some coffee to warm back up and restore some energy after some time outside, and, you had some money for your thoughts on a grand finale for the night.

You'd been scheming this day ever since realizing Levi hadn't seen snow yet, and you were praying he was going to be able to stay for all of it.

"Watch your step--there's ice hidden under the snow on the sidewalks because it's been so cold, so just...be mindful," you warned him, walking with arms out at your side and methodically placed footsteps for a few moments.  "I always hate walking in fresh snow--everything looks so clean and pure and pretty that I feel like I'm ruining a beautiful snapshot of nature.  Though, we kinda have to walk in it to get where we're going," you said with a guilty note in your voice.

"Couldn't we just take your car?" Levi asked, and you noticed his gaze was now roving over the unblemished patches of snow around you, how it really did seem like a thick and pure blanket fallen over the world.

"Well, this is the more fun, scenic route.  Plus it's kinda dangerous to drive in weather like this before they've cleared the roads, especially with the ice underneath.

You could see that his cheeks and his nose were already starting to turn red, and that he'd mimicked how you had your scarf on.  Not wanting him to catch a cold--especially because you knew proper medicine was more of a luxury where he lived--you reached over and wrapped the scarf around his face, causing him to pause and give you a blank stare.  You coughed, hoping your blush could be passed off as a result of the cold like him.

"Besides, I want to show you this place in the forest.  One of my favorite things about when it's cold and snowy like this is what it sometimes does to the plants," you said as if you hadn't just wrapped the scarf around his face, continuing forwards and trudging through the snow in the direction of the nearby park that had the forest trail.

"Why do I feel like you've got this whole thing planned out?"

"Because I do.  I've been waiting for you to show up on a snow day for what feels like forever.  I can think of six things I want to try and fit into this one day--six!" You shrugged, as if it was still the most casual thing in the world, attempting to adopt his usual indifferent attitude to tease him a bit.  "Course, three things we can do at the park alone, so, no big deal," you said with a sniff, flashing him a mischievous smile a heartbeat later.

"And those things are…?"

"Well, we're gonna look at something.  Then we're gonna build something.  And then we're gonna do something."

Levi snorted.  "So informative."

"What? I was more specific:  looking, building, doing," you said with a pout before you pointed up at the park just ahead of you.  "Besides, we're practically here."

The park itself wasn't the pristine picture the rest of the snowy fields seemed to be--there were remnants of snow sculptures and forts, a few shakily made snowmen, footprints all over the place and snow splattered along the side of equipment.  The two of you trudged past that, though, and into the forest that was far less disturbed.  No one wanted to be hiking in this weather, except you two crazy teenagers, apparently.

Levi’s fingers brushed against a bush, and looking back you could see that some of the branches and leaves were encapsulated in ice.

"Almost, but I'm looking for something specific," you said cryptically.  There was this one tree at a fork in the forest path that you knew would look gorgeous trapped in ice like that, so you were keeping hush hush about it, leading the two of you deeper into the woods like you were the villain in a child's fairytale.

The crunch of snow and the blowing of the wind was the only sound, the icy air cutting at your lungs and making your breathing a little heavier than normal as you trudged uphill, frustrated to hear that Levi didn't seem to be struggling behind you.  You didn't understand how, but he appeared to be unbothered by the physical strain, at least for now.

After several minutes of hiking where Levi admired the wintery scenery around the two of you and you navigating, you finally came to your tree.

It was a weeping willow, placed by human hands at the fork in the path for aesthetic scenery purposes.  But right now, with the ice covering every branch and leaf in perfect, unclouded clarity like it had been entrapped in glass, branches swaying just slightly in the breeze…

It looked gorgeous.

"My favorite thing about winter isn't all the activities--its how the ice freezes over the trees.  I think it's beautiful," you said pensively, your hand cupping beneath some of the willow strands and letting the iced over, draped branches slip through your fingers.  "It's like they're frozen in time…"

Levi stood a few feet back, hands in his pockets, breath puffing steadily in front of him as he looked up at the magnificent tree that was 'frozen in time,' his gaze returning to you in time to see you disappearing behind a thick curtain of the iced over branches and leaves.  While he couldn't see you, you crouched down and tried to make a snowball as fast as you could, catching a glimpse of him moving to join you under the tree, which caused you to giggle and take a step or two back, your hastily made snowball hidden behind your back.

As soon as he stepped into the shelter of the tree, you practically slapped the snowball into his neck with the close range you were at, acting before you could doubt yourself, shrieking maniacally as your dipped your hand into the snow for another one, heart pounding at what you'd just initiated.

"What the f--"

"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" you shrieked, tossing another one at him that splattered harmlessly against his side.  You attempted to flee, trying to scoop up more snow as you darted out from under the willow, whipping around to see Levi already had one in his hand.  You flung instinctively, the shot sailing harmlessly over his shoulder and causing you to shriek again as he tossed his at you in retaliation, the snowball hitting squarely in the center of your chest.

"You brat!"

"I got you, admit it!  Take tha--shit!"

"Like this is a fight you can win!"

"I missed again?  Wait, fuck, no, stop, I'm a terrible shot--ack!"

"You asked for it!"

"I've made a terrible mistake, have mercy--EEK!"

"HAH!"

"I surrender, uncle, uncle, I give, stop!"

The snowball fight had quickly turned into a snowball execution, Levi pelting you with snowballs with that ridiculous speed and wicked aim of his while your shots kept going wide and missing him while you tried in vain to run from him, ending with you laughing and shrieking, hunched over and taking a few more snowballs before Levi finally stopped.  You peeked your head up warily...and he crushed one last snowball atop your head, making you do a cold shiver dance as snow slipped down inside your shirt.

"There...I think that's a lesson learned," Levi was saying smugly, watching you do the cold dance with a smirk on his face.  He looked flushed though--you doubted from exertion, most likely from the cold.

"How about we do something less competitive--like make a snowman?  At least one?  And then we can go sledding.  We can take a break after that, I know a coffee shot that should still be open."

"As long as you don't make any more sad excuses at that snowball assault," Levi teased you, and you pouted, which only made him chuckle.

He was smiling and laughing, though.  And seeing snow for the first time.  This day was already a win for you. Now you just needed to try and get to the end of your list of what you wanted to try with him before he went back.  Who knew if the snow would still be here when he came back again?

The snowman building and the sledding didn't last as long as you might have thought they would.  The snowman you two made by the willow tree was more of a monument to the fact the two of you had been there, complete with you wrapping your scarf around the snowman's 'neck' as a finishing touch, since it wasn't doing much in the way of warming you up draped loosely around your neck like that.

The sledding had been fun at first, trying desperately to guide the inflatable inner tube you'd bought at the nearest store down a steep hill before trudging all the way back up got tiring fast for you.  The final straw, though, had come when you made a ramp from the snow, managed to hit it on your way down, and then promptly fell off the inner tube midair, causing you and Levi to go flying in different directions through the air with no soft landings.  You were dazed after that, and Levi declared it the end of the sledding part of the day, demanding you move on to the next thing.  Besides, it was getting dark, so you were running out of time to do what you wanted to.

Little did he know…

After your annihilation with the sled, you'd guided Levi towards a coffee shop while nursing an ache in your head and shoulders where you'd slammed your body against the ground, still a little dazed.  You were both flushed from the cold and tired at this point, so the burst of warm air was extremely refreshing.

Levi looked around the little shop with a critical eye while you stomped snow off at the entrance mat, rubbing your hands together for added warmth.  "You haven't had coffee before, have you?"

"Never heard of it."

You gasped dramatically.  "You don't have coffee where you're from?  Oh the humanity!"  He rolled his eyes at your antics, and you walked forward towards the counter.  "Well, it's a hot drink, kind of like hot chocolate or tea...but also much different.  Its good for waking up or staying warm, and it can be made in all sorts of different ways.  In fact, what kind of stuff do you usually drink?  Besides water?"

Levi shrugged.  "Tea."

"Any kind of tea in particular?  Herbal, black, white, green, fruit?  Do you add lemon, or sugar, or milk, or anything like that?"

Levi looked away, like something you'd said bothered him, though you couldn't pinpoint what.  "Plain.  I drink my tea plain.  I do prefer black tea, when I can get it."

"Okay, black tea...strong, bold, dark, maybe with a bit of a nutty taste or malty...I know espresso is a different beast, but you might want something with more espresso...maybe a nut flavoring to help balance out the bitter without getting too sweet...You're not big on sweet things, right?"

Levi shook his head.  "I don't get many sweet things where I live."

You nodded, chewing your lip.  "Okay, so...toffee nut might be too sweet, so...either a hazelnut latte with an extra shot of espresso, or a hazelnut americano."

"What's the difference?"

"One is made with milk, the other with hot water.  I mean, maybe if you were more used to coffee I'd say go with the americano, cause there's not many other flavors to block out the overpowering taste of the espresso, but the latte I feel like has more that balances it all out."

"I didn't realize picking a damn drink was such a project."

"Like you don't fuss over your tea with the leaves and water temperature and extra flavorings."

"...Tch."

"But also the americano might be closer to tea--"

"Just get me the damn latte and be done with it," he groaned, cutting you off before you could spiral further in these circles.

"Fine, fine, go find a table for us and I'll get the coffees," you said in a semi defensive voice that had the hint of a laugh at the end with how exasperated he sounded.  He wandered off towards the back to a two person table by the window, taking the seat with his back against the wall so he could see the whole room and you as you went to the counter, ordering his hazelnut latte and your own coffee, as well as two fresh rolls.  You waited patiently for your order, which didn't take too long because there weren't many people out and about right now in this weather--plus, this was officially dark enough the streetlights were turning on.

Taking the seat across from him, you placed the latte in front of him and reached into the little bag you brought with you, breaking apart the two rolls and holding one out to him.  “Here--I figured something to actually eat would be good, too,” you said cheerfully.

For some reason, Levi hesitated for a brief second, fingers hovering over the roll before starting to retract, eyes a little unfocused before he took the roll from you.  Strange, why that was a thing, but you brushed it off in favor of drinking from your cup of chosen coffee, cupping both hands around the cup to help you warm up.

“We can warm up in here for a while before heading back outside.  It’s only going to get colder as night settles in.”

“This is one of those six things you wanted to do, right?  Get coffee?” Levi asked, hands on the cup he had yet to drink from, allowing it to warm up his bare fingers.  Actually, looking at the window you could see some spots on the window where condensation had been wiped away on the inside, along the edge of the frost that was creeping along the outside of the window.  Had he been tracing the ice while he waited for you?

“It is, yeah.”

“It’s going to be dark, then, by the time we get to the sixth thing.  Was that intentional?”

You nodded.  “There’ll be far less people there if we go later when it’s dark out.  Plus, I think it’ll be prettier.”

“Are you going to tell me what the last thing is?”

“Nope.  You’ll have to wait and see.”

Levi scowled, finally taking a sip from the coffee you’d chosen for him.  He made a face at the first taste, and for a moment, you were worried he wasn’t going to like it and would set it right back down.  He took another sip, though, and he wasn’t neglecting the cup.  He didn’t seem to think it was the best thing in the world, but at least he was drinking it.

He was probably going to stick to tea, though, based on that expression.

“Well, what do you think so far?” you asked him after the two of you sat in silence for several minutes, nursing your coffees and letting yourselves warm up while you nibbled on your respective bread rolls.

“About the snow?”  When you didn’t correct him, he looked back outside the window.  It was still snowing, but much lighter than it had been before--like light flurries, or something out of a Christmas movie.  The snowflakes that hit the window evaporated almost instantly, revealing it had turned into the kind of snow that didn’t stick.  “It’s nice.”

You gave a pleased smile and took another sip from your cup, glad that so far your little endeavor to make snow and winter a positive experience for him had worked, despite the little hiccups along the way like falling off the sled and coffee apparently not being his thing.  At least he’d been willing to give it a try, though.

For the most part, the two of you sat in companionable silence, Levi asking the occasional question about the piano and what you were learning or pieces he was learning, and even giving you a tentative question about how the whole college thing was panning out.  It was still stressful, and as you’d said before, your...situation, or rather the people around you, were only making it so much harder for you and really getting under your skin about it all.  But Levi’s words from last time were something you were clinging to in order to help you push through these last few months before you would graduate high school and you could finally get out of here.

Just another one of the many reasons you were glad to have him in your life.  You wished he could stay with you, that you could keep him here.  His life in his world didn’t sound pleasant at all, and you knew he’d already been through some dark things.  Maybe if he was here, he could have a better life, things would be easier for him.

And...and maybe he’d choose to spend it with you.

You were blushing at the thought, and you panicked slightly when you remembered you weren’t outside, you were warm inside, and there was no biting cold to blame on the flush in your cheeks.  Finishing the cup of coffee with a rather painful swallow, you started gathering up your things, glancing out the window to see the sun had fully set and darkness had taken over the sky.

“We should probably get going.  Yeah, night might be the better time to go, but if we wait too long you might blip back, or they might close, so…” you said quickly, getting to your feet and tucking hair into your hat as a way to hide the fact that you were rubbing your cheeks in a weird hope that it would make the flush go away, or maybe give you an excuse.  Levi was still giving you an odd look, though, his eyebrows raised, but he got up without commenting on the blush.

Aw jeez, what if he saw, though?  He was so damn observant.  And what if he already knew?  What if he already knew that you’d been sneaking glances of him the past year or so that he’d come to visit you?  What if he knew you were starting to look for excuses to reach out and touch him, even for a moment?  What if he knew that part of the reason you buried your face in his chest whenever you two hugged or were curled close together--whether it was on the hood of a car or on the couch watching a show--was to hide the furious burn in your cheeks, and to let you simply breathe him in for a few moments?  What if he knew that the times that he tended to blip through into your world was when you wanted nothing more than to be around him, when you desperately wanted a friend and needed someone there to be a steady presence to help you get back on your feet, or provide a comfort that didn’t feel invasive or demanding on how you should bounce back or how you should be feeling.  What if he knew your heart had started skipping a beat when he looked at you like that with those sharp steel blue eyes, his hair falling in his face…

Ah, snap out of it, stop stop stop!  You’re friends!  Who knows if he even thinks of you that way, just...uhg, this isn’t about you, this is about him, this is his first snow, just...just focus on that right now, you can puzzle over your feelings after he’s left alone in bed throwing out your frustrated complaints about how you don’t know how to talk to people you like into your pillow like you usually do.  Later.  After this.  Focus, the night’s almost over, and he probably won’t be here much longer today, anyway.

Having given yourself a mental berating over the direction of your thoughts, you focused back on the present with a quick huff, straightening up and leading the charge back out into the cold snow, Levi walking leisurely at your side as usual.  It was a longer walk than any you’d done so far, and you were taking him in a direction that you hadn’t taken him before.  He wasn’t around a lot in the winter time, obviously, so he didn’t get to see this little hobby of yours.  Well, maybe not even a hobby, more like a winter pastime.  You were far from a professional or enthusiast.  It was just something you liked to do on occasion when it was cold, and you were hoping that it was something that he would find enjoyable as well.

It was a simple setup, one that matched the smaller town you were in, with a regular clear plastic half-wall lining the edge, plain Christmas lights crisscrossing over the walled off area several feet into the air and anchored to the poles along the outside, or to the small booth that served as the entrance fee area and the place to get rental skates, if there were enough.  Benches lined the outside of the wall, places for spectators to watch or people to put on their ice skates, and the small outdoor ice rink itself was well lit, the ice appearing to glitter between the starlight, Christmas lights, and the lightly falling snow.

There were a few people, but since it was getting dark and the weather was getting colder--it was already below freezing--most people had left or were in the process of leaving as you went to the booth, paying the entrance fee for two teenagers and getting your shoe size, then having an awkward few moments where you got to try and figure out what shoe size Levi was before you finally managed to get a pair that looked like it would fit him, passing his ice skates to him even though you still hadn’t given him an explanation about what you were doing.

You sat down together on a bench near one of the entrances to the rink, and Levi followed suit when you started taking off your shoes and putting the ice skates on in turn.

“Considering you’ve been stupidly good at anything like this so far, I sort of expect you to get the hang of this fairly quickly, but...this is called ice skating,” you explained in a low tone so no one would hear you explaining what this was to him.  “It’s all about balance and such--balance on the blades on your feet, center of balance, that kind of thing.  It might take a bit to get used to, but once you do, you’ll be skating along in no time.  It's something I like to do in the winter, and I thought you might enjoy it, too.”

You finished strapping the skates on, getting to your feet and taking a few careful steps since you were still on concrete until you were standing in front of Levi, holding your hands out for him to take.  “Here--just focus on standing and getting used to balancing on the blades, first,” you told him, pulling him up to his feet and letting him stand in front of you for a few moments, holding tightly to his hands as he wobbled slightly, feet moving from side to side experimentally, picking up one foot and attempting to keep his balance on the other, simply feeling it out for a few seconds while you held him securely in place.

His hands are warm...rough and calloused...but warm...

After he seemed to get his balance, you walked backwards to bring Levi forwards into the ice rink, making sure he kept his balance despite the awkward steps until you reached the smooth ice that the skates were meant for.  The slicing sound of the skate blade against the ice felt right to your ears, and you gave Levi a moment to adjust to the terrain, shifting so that you were standing beside him on the ice instead of in front of him, holding one of his hands.

The remaining skating group seemed to decide they didn’t want to risk crashing into the new skater in the small rink and left, meaning it was just the two of you in the rink as you taught Levi how to push off with the blades, how to turn, how to stop without face planting into the ice.  It was much faster than most people learned, but it was still slower than you expected.  He just seemed to be a natural at so many things, it was almost weird watching him have to progress through figuring out how to ice skate.

Then again, you were teaching him piano, as well, so it wasn’t entirely something new.  Maybe it was just the fact he always seemed to be magically gifted when it came to anything physical or something that had to do with aim, accuracy, speed…

With just the two of you, the rink was pretty quiet.  There were your voices, of course, with you encouraging him and explaining what you showed him on how to do this or that on the skates, how to speed up and slow down, how to do a hard and sudden stop (again, without face planting).  Levi occasionally made a few quips or grumbles, though none of it was mean spirited.  He seemed focused on what you were showing him, and he was learning it fairly quickly.  You might even dare to say he was having fun.

The other sounds were the slicing of your skates against the ice, and the music playing over loudspeakers on the poles for patrons to skate to if they wanted to.  The man running the booth wasn’t even paying attention to the two of you, he was watching tv on a tiny screen you could barely see through the window in the booth, meaning that for now, it was just the two of you, despite the normally public setting.

Once Levi had his balance and he was able to skate on his own, namely in a circle, considering you hadn’t taught him any tricks yet since you were rather focused on...just skate, you let his hand go, albeit reluctantly.  Still, it would allow him to get comfortable in the skates and skate on his own without leaning on you like a crutch--and the entire thing would be much more enjoyable for him if he could do it on his own without your help.

Once you were no longer teaching him the basics, you took off to go at your normal speed, skating fairly quickly around the rink, getting the feel for being in the skates again--figure skates, mind you.  You liked trying to pull off tricks, and you liked trying to time them to the music.  You weren’t an Olympic figure skater, but you could do some basic tricks.  Not only was it something that you liked doing and that gave you a degree of accomplishment, but it was also a moment to let yourself shine and show off a bit around Levi.

Closing your eyes, you simply felt the movement, the feel of the breeze created by your movement against your face, gravity acting on your body as you leaned this way or that for a turn.  You listened to the music, getting a feel for the beat and the pace before you started adjusting to try and match the music.  When the beat dropped, you attempted a leap and spin--just a quick one, landing a little shakily because it had been a while since you’d done this, but still sticking the landing for the most part.  Smiling slightly to yourself, you did it again with the next beat drop, the landing going much smoother.  You did a few simple movements as well as a few balancing attempts--skating on one foot was a little tricky and required quite a bit of balance, but you could do it--not that you let your foot go too far off the ground--you weren’t trying to form two right angles with your legs and upper body, you had a slight fear of losing your balance forward and causing a bad accident trying to pull that off.  It was simple leg up stuff that you tried.  And as long as you were paying attention, eyes open and alert to your surroundings, you could skate backwards, too--which you did.  It was at that point that you turned to see Levi watching you while you were skating, an intensity in his expression you hadn’t been expecting.  You blushed slightly to catch him staring at you, then gave him a smile, a wave, and you turned back around to do a nonchalant figure eight down the center, cutting across to the other side, doing a little spin before you came to skate beside him.

“So, what do you think?” you asked him warmly, skating casually beside him for the time being, staying on the inside so you were the one making the tighter turns.

“Think you could show me some of those tricks?” he asked, eyes down and directed towards your skates.  You chuckled, lifting one of your legs just slightly off the ice and unsurprised to find him mirroring your movements.  He was a little wobbly at first, just like when he’d stood up, but he quickly evened out, and he even was able to lean into the turns without crashing.  “I’d say wait for the harder ones like leaping spins until you’re a bit more experienced with the skates.  Maybe just stick to movements and patterns.  Lifting a leg, figure eights, skating backwards, that kind of thing.”

“What, you think that little of me?”

You snorted.  “On the contrary, you have a gift for learning these kinds of things.  I’m actually pretty envious how easily everything seems to come to you.”

“Not everything,” he mumbled, and you thought you saw his cheeks were flushed again.  Though maybe it was the cold.  It was far below freezing at this point, and the two of you were skating around, that freezing air blowing on your exposed skin in an almost cutting manner.  You hadn’t really noticed that much, though.  “Skating backwards shouldn’t be too hard, right?”

While you had expected him to try it, you hadn’t expected him to try it right at that very moment as he was skating beside you.  His hand suddenly grasped your arm, and he did a hard turn like he’d seen you do a few times for your tricks, coming to a slightly wobbly stop--not a full stop, you were both still moving--directly in front of you, one of his feet planted between your legs and the other on the outside.  He was, for the moment, skating backwards.

“It’s gonna be inverted, remember?  So instead of leaning--”

“I know,” he said with a huff, glancing behind him and leaning in a mirror of the direction you moved to turn with the curve of the small rink, his grip on your arm tightening slightly and his gaze down at your feet to make sure you two didn’t get tangled up in one another.

You went around the rink like this once...twice...eventually he stopped looking at the turns behind him or the skates below, his grip on your arm going lower...lower...closer to your hand...his eyes focused solely on you as you strangely enough took over guiding the two of you in nonchalant circles around the rink, feeling that gaze of his making your cheeks burn until, after a turn into the longer stretch of ice, you turned to look at him and ask what he was staring at.

He kissed you.

There was no warning.  You hardly had time to turn your head to face him before his lips were against yours.  His lips were cold because of the weather, maybe a little dry as well, but just like his hands, despite the rough and cold outer appearance, it was...soft.  Hesitant, even, like he might pull away at the first sign of discomfort.  You sucked in a sharp breath in surprise, feeling yourself lean into him, start to put more weight on him as you kissed him back just as hesitantly.

You were both frozen like that for a few moments, cold lips pressed together, timid and unsure about what to do, neither of you having done this before and knowing what came next.  But despite the freezing temperature and dry lips, it was still warm--or, it caused a warm feeling in your chest, a nervous and overeager squirm in your belly as your mind started to work again and all these thoughts started to crash down on you, realization of what this meant, what it could mean, that this was your first kiss, that Levi was kissing you, holding you a little closer to him.  After that initial freeze, you both tried to keep going, the inexperience showing but neither of you wanting to pull away.  If anything, you leaned into him a bit more, lips moving against his in the way you thought they were supposed to, his attempting to follow in kind.  As if to help guide both of you, his hand reached up to brush his knuckles carefully against your cheek, your head tilting slightly to the side in a reaction to the touch.

He felt warm.  He felt comfortable.  He felt inviting--like you belonged here, right here with him, stumbling through figuring out what came next, with him holding tight to you to help keep you steady when you started to shake, and you there to return the favor.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you felt breathless, felt your knees start to shake, the skates wobbling beneath you as Levi started to pull away, just as gently as he came in for the kiss.  Your eyes, squeezed shut a few moments ago as if that could help freeze the moment in time like the branches on the willow, started to open.

The presence you were leaning into in front of you suddenly disappeared, and with the amount of weight you’d been putting forward, you lost your balance, falling hard onto the ice with a skidding slide, palms burning against the cold ice as you pushed up onto your elbows, looking around in bewilderment.

And then you just...stayed there.  Just sat there.  Completely alone in the skating rink.  No one around to so much as witness what had happened, or confirmed it was real.

No Levi.

Just you.

Alone.

Alone on the ice before you could even release the breath you’d been holding.

*Levi’s POV*

Levi opened his eyes not to the chilling air and the bright lights both from the stairs and the strings of lights above, not to Y/N’s face aglow in that light, that blush in her cheeks that she’d kept trying to brush off as the cold despite her lingering touches, no lightly falling snow that left wet drops like dew on her cheeks, nose, and forehead.  He was alone in the silence of the Underground, lying stretched out on a couch with an arm behind his head under a pillow, staring up at the dark ceiling of his current place of residence.

He closed his eyes tightly, trying to will himself back to that moment, feeling a bubbling anger rising in his chest.  Nothing was happening.  He couldn’t smell the fresh air, couldn’t hear the faint music, couldn’t feel her hand against his arm or her lips against his, couldn’t feel the unsteady weight of having those blades under his feet.  He held his breath, eyes shut as tight as he could, trying so damn hard to get back there.

But nothing changed.  Even though there was nowhere he wanted to be more right now.

Levi opened his eyes slightly, peering at the ceiling without really seeing it, hand stretching out in front of him like he was reaching out to that mental image of the girl running ahead of him, just out of reach even as he stretched, tried to grab onto her even as she slipped through his fingers like smoke, far out of his reach.

Levi’s outstretched hand turned into a fist, and he slammed it against the wall the couch was pushed up against, hearing something crack.  “Shit!”

It had been so perfect.  He’d been watching her the whole time, watching her move so gracefully and freely, so confident and just so...so...beautiful.  And she didn’t seem to even realize that was how he saw her.  Didn’t seem to realize just how much she was worth to him.  He couldn’t help himself--he hadn’t even realized what he was doing until his lips were on hers.  But it had still felt so right in that moment, in that single, fleeting, perfect moment.

And now he was right back here.  All over again.  He didn’t even get the chance to open his eyes and see her reaction, and it pissed him off.  Now he had to wait, and he hated the thought.  Anger and frustration bubbled right to the surface as he got up off the couch, unable to sit still as he got to his feet with a dark, sulking look on his face at how robbed he felt right now.

Though there was also a tiny part of him that was scared because he hadn’t been able to see her reaction.  Especially now that he’d just disappeared on her.

He didn’t know how long he could wait--he knew he’d have to, but it had to come eventually.  He’d go back soon, surely, and he could see her then, he could try to figure out what that kiss was to her when he went back, what it meant for them.  Even if part of him was nervous to know how she was going to take it, even if he had no idea what this meant for them, fuck, he had to know, and he couldn’t stand to wait another hour!

What Levi didn’t know at the time...was that it would be years before he ever saw her again.

Next Chapter---->

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Levi Tags:  @clary-quinn  @humanitys-hottestsoldier  @whalerus @sunny-flo @thirstyforsometea @hauntedhousecat @peaches-and-clouds

Through The Looking Glass Tags:  @artist-bby @kaz2y5-pie @tartheyes @super-peace-fangirl @huntersbunker @nefelimalfoy @soft-levi-girl-blog @honeygivemeachainsaw @regalillegal @sugas-daddy7 @cathyannecookie @chaoticshepardplaid @roayaloveslife @sanrioclit @wvnderfvllyalvne @sparkling-gayyyy @do-not-feed-sugar​

#levi #levi ackerman #captain levi #levi aot #aot levi #snk levi #levi snk #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #captain levi x reader #aot levi x reader #reader insert #levi fanfiction #levi fan fiction #levi fan fic #levi fanfic #levi ackerman fan fiction #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman fanfic #levi ackerman fan fic #captain levi fanfiction #captain levi fan fiction #captain levi fanfic #captain levi fan fic #aot levi fanfic #aot levi fanfiction #aot levi fan fiction #aot levi fan fic #ongoing series #angeldesaray

[robininthelabyrinth]

Three Gates - on ao3 (for content warnings check Ao3) - on tumblr: pt 1

- Chapter 2 -

It turned out that the party had been a meeting of important cultivators, sect leaders, and that meant, of course, that his father had been there.

His father. No wonder his mother had been so excited!

And even knowing that nothing had come of it, that his mother had returned empty-handed, despite himself, when he heard it, Meng Yao was excited, too, feeling a frisson of hope run down his spine. He regretted, now, that he hadn’t been able to go to the party as a server, thinking of the might-have-beens if he’d gone, if he’d done something to impress the man, if his father had finally decided to take them away from this place –

“He was too drunk to recognize me,” his mother said, sad and eyes distant. “And some of the younger girls had gotten to him first…I couldn’t catch his eye, and in the end they sent me away with one of the other sect leaders.”

As a joke, she didn’t say, an old whore with a man too drunk to tell the difference, but Meng Yao wouldn’t guess at that truth, the source of so much bitterness, until much later.

“Not Wen Ruohan, right?” Meng Yao asked, and breathed a sigh of relief when she shook her head.

“You shouldn’t refer to your elders by name, A-Yao,” she reminded him, always trying to teach him etiquette – though now that he thought about it, Nie Mingjue had used the man’s name directly, too. Maybe it was his way of trying to make the man seem less scary. “It would be ‘Sect Leader Wen’…and how do you know any of the sect leader’s names, anyway?”

“A cultivator came here last night,” Meng Yao explained. “He gave me a qiankun pouch, and some money –”

“In return for what?” His mother’s voice was sharp. “A-Yao, I told you, you’re not allowed to make deals with people –”

Meng Yao’s shoulders went up by his ears. He knew what she really meant, that he wasn’t allowed to sell himself or his body because it’d give him a bad reputation in the future; he wasn’t allowed even if it meant the difference between a hungry night and a full one, a freezing one and a warm one.

“I didn’t do that,” he muttered. “I just –”

“There’s no just. No deals at all, A-Yao; if you get into the habit of seeing everything as something you can buy or sell, then it’s only a matter of time before someone buys you.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Meng Yao protested. “He gave me a pouch, and he said –”

It was the wrong thing to say, especially after a disappointment like last night, and his mother started scolding him fiercely, alternating with tears, and in the end he decided it was better to say nothing.

Nie Mingjue would come back with the manual, the way he’d come back with the money, or else he wouldn’t, and either way there was nothing Meng Yao could do about it.

And anyway, after a few months, he realized he had bigger problems.

It started pretty unnoticeably: a tightness in his mother’s face, an unusual refusal to take on clients for the more lucrative type of engagements, spending more on food than usual…at first Meng Yao thought that it was only that she was happy to have money again, even if it spilled through their fingers like sand on getting her new clothing and better make-up, larger shoes for Meng Yao and a warm coat, only slightly torn from previous use.

He’d been worried, although not unduly so, when she’d started being sick sometimes – she’d claimed it was food poisoning, and they had been eating more meat than usual, so maybe…

Foolish.

One of the other ladies called it out one day in mockery, not a single doubt in her voice, and his mother didn’t deny it. Meng Yao’s stomach dropped, his heart frozen in terror.

Pregnant.

Again.

And she hadn’t taken any steps to get rid of it, the way she should have – whores had their ways, even if they weren’t perfect, and his mother knew enough of them. He knew that she would have been acting very differently if she intended to abort, would have been less cautious, less resistant, less –

She’d bedded a sect leader at that party, he remembered, doing the miserable math on his fingers. Not his father again, no, she wouldn’t make that mistake twice - would she? She’d gone there to see him, after all.

No, in the end, she was still counting on Meng Yao to earn his way into his father’s graces on his own, for the sake of both of them. But she had gone to bed with another one, and if it had taken…

Meng Yao knew his mother loved him, but for the first time in his life, he feared losing that love.

He tried to keep his fears to himself, tried not to burden her, but in the end he was a child and not yet good enough at hiding his expressions; she spotted him soon enough, took him into her arms and coaxed his fears from him.

“You silly goose, A-Yao. Don’t you know it’s for you?” she whispered in his ear, putting his hand on her belly. “I’m too old and sick to have a strong child, all the doctors said so; even if this one is born, he’ll be weak and sickly, likely to be swept away by the first chill of winter. I don’t need that sect leader to support me – we know already that they won’t do that. I just need him to feel guilty enough to take you with him back to his sect as recompense for having burdened me with a child that was lost.”

Meng Yao felt a touch of ice run down his spine. “But...what if the child lives through the winter?”

“There are many ways for a child to die,” his mother said, and her voice was calm and gentle, a pool undisturbed by the ripples beneath, just the way she’d always taught him. “Only some of them are winter.”

Meng Yao knew his mother loved him, but for the first time in his life, he feared what that love might mean.

His mother had grown cunning since his birth and more cynical since his father’s most recent rejection. She decided not to write to the sect leader with the news at once – that would be risking a rejection, a dismissal, an accusation that the child could be someone else’s son, or worst of all a blow to make her miscarry. She planned instead to wait until the child was almost here and only then she would summon him, knowing he would come to check just in case it was true. It was said that cultivators had a means of testing birthright, the way regular people didn’t, and that they were very cautious about such things.

That way, when the child died at birth or immediately thereafter, there would still be enough time for the sect leader to feel guilt and to be coaxed into taking Meng Yao in as a disciple, and once Meng Yao had learned the basics of cultivation, he could make his way to his father’s place to prove to him that he was worth taking in, that it was time to make good on all the old promises he’d made.

It was a good plan, if a cold one.

It would have worked, too, if Meng Yao hadn’t blundered his way into something better.

Perhaps that was giving him too much credit: he wasn’t the one who did the blundering. That was all Nie Mingjue, who six months after he’d made a crazy promise to return had actually gone and done it.

“You live in Qinghe,” Meng Yao said accusingly instead of greeting him, because he’d gone to listen to the gossips talk until he’d managed to figure out where the cultivation sect surnamed ‘Nie’ resided. “That’s not even in this part of the country; how can you be back so soon?”

“I promised you I would, didn’t I? I keep my word,” Nie Mingjue said with a smile, as if it was that easy – as if a child could make decisions like that, ones that involved crossing mountains and rivers and going deep into another sect’s territory, when Meng Yao couldn’t even walk too far down the street without the brothel owners cursing him out as a would-be runaway. “Don’t worry about it. The Jiang sect doesn’t really pay attention as a general rule, and even if they did their current leader’s too busy with his angry wife to care about who’s traveling through his domain.”

Meng Yao rolled his eyes - he’d heard that gossip, too. But he didn’t care, that wasn’t what mattered; there were more important things to focus on. “Did you bring it?”

Nie Mingjue produced a manual out of his sleeve. The quality of the paper was far better than any of the ones Meng Yao’s mother had bought for him, and he knew at once by looking at it that this was no fake. He tried to grab at it with both hands, but Nie Mingjue pulled it back.

“Cultivation is dangerous,” he warned. “You need a guide, at least at first, to make sure you don’t make any mistakes – it’s easy to make mistakes, especially at the beginning, and that can lay the groundwork for a qi deviation in the future. I’ll let you read it, but you have to promise that you’ll only practice with me for the first week or so, okay?”

“You’re staying a week?”

Nie Mingjue’s cheeks flushed red. “Uh, well – I was planning on two, if you don’t mind…”

“Of course I don’t mind! You can stay with me in my attic.”

“I brought enough money for a room at an inn –”

“We can use the extra to buy more meat,” Meng Yao told him, already pushing and shoving him, and Nie Mingjue was easily convinced.

He was easily convinced to follow him back to the brothel, too, which was a little frustrating: how could anyone be that naïve? If Meng Yao had wanted to sell Nie Mingjue, he probably could do it, cultivator or no; there were a hundred things to fear in a brothel, hidden in the tea or the incense or the smiles of seemingly friendly strangers.

Nie Mingjue was lucky that Meng Yao had longer-term goals in mind for him.

They passed the day quite pleasantly, eating meat skewers and dragon’s beard candy and discussing the basics of cultivation – Meng Yao read the book (his book!) and asked questions, and Nie Mingjue did his best to answer them – and then in the latter part of the afternoon the women at the brothel roused themselves, coming out to prepare for their nightly work, his mother included.

She was fairly heavily pregnant now, but there were men who liked that sort of thing, as long as there was something she could do for them, and the brothel owners wouldn’t waste their money by kicking her out no matter how annoyed they were at her for keeping the child. She wasn’t allowed to roam too far out of her room, being as she was a specialized service that might frighten regular customers, and so it wasn’t until she came to find Meng Yao to make sure he was all right that Nie Mingjue saw her for the first time.

“This is my mother,” Meng Yao said, his back stiff with expected insults even though Nie Mingjue hadn’t said a single word about Meng Yao living in a brothel so far.

Nie Mingjue stared at her with eyes so big and round and surprised that Meng Yao irritably wondered if he’d never seen a whore before, or perhaps it was the idea that one might be stupid enough to get pregnant and keep it. Maybe he would save his insults for that, instead, and Meng Yao would be forced to try to break his handsome face…

“You’re the lady they sent to my father’s room,” Nie Mingjue said, his voice faint and shaking with shock. “You’re – is that my brother?”

It turned out that the Nie sect, unlike the Jin sect, cared a great deal for matters of blood and children born of it; Nie Mingjue didn’t even demand a test or anything before he’d insisted that they come back to Qinghe with him, both of them, absolutely certain that his father would be overjoyed by the news.

Meng Yao and his mother exchanged looks, each of them skeptical and cynical to the core, and tried to convince him to slow down a little. To write a letter, perhaps –

“No! You have to come right away,” Nie Mingjue insisted, his cheeks pink with excitement. “We have doctors to care for you, and, oh, he’ll need a saber, someone will need to start on that right away – and anyway, a Nie should be born in Qinghe.”

“There’s still some months left to go,” Meng Shi said, though Meng Yao could see that she was a little amused by Nie Mingjue’s earnest enthusiasm. “Tell your father to come here and take me away, if you’re sure he’ll care so much.”

“I am sure,” Nie Mingjue said. “He’s just busy at the borders again, with Qishan Wen causing trouble all over; who knows how long it’d take for him to get word? Why do we have to wait for him to come in person anyway?”

“Because we can’t leave,” Meng Yao said, finally condescending to point out the obvious. “Mother belongs to the brothel, and we haven’t saved up enough to buy her freedom.”

Even an old whore was an expensive proposition, especially if she knew skills like singing and dancing and playing instruments the way Meng Shi did – and one with a burden like Meng Yao could be exploited to do all sorts of things that a normal woman might refuse. It would be costly to redeem her, more costly than anything a young sect heir might have expected to buy.

Meng Yao had expected that to be the end of it, but he’d apparently underestimated Nie Mingjue’s stubbornness: he went to the market and sold every last piece of metal he had on him, right down to the silver crown off his head, and was about to go try to barter away his clothing or sell his strength to a dockworker when Meng Yao shoved the money he’d so carefully saved up into his hands.

“With this it might be enough,” he said, biting his lip with guilt as his mother gaped at the glittering gold in his hand – he hadn’t dared tell her about it, about the fact that he’d been saving up again. She’d told him before that there was no point in buying her freedom, that she had no other skills to sell and a bad reputation to boot; they would live free for a single summer only to have to sell her back again in the winter, and the brothel owners wouldn’t be pleased at all by that.

“It will be,” Nie Mingjue said. “Even if I have to buy the rest on credit, it will be!”

“At least be clever about this,” Meng Shi sighed, giving in even though she clearly didn’t think it was a good idea. Meng Yao supposed she figured that if it came down to it, there were brothels in Qinghe, too, and at least she’d be something new there with her soft Yunping accent and manners. “If they think you’re desperate, they’ll raise the price – you should be more arrogant. Act as if you were doing them a favor by taking me off their hands.”

Nie Mingjue’s nose wrinkled.  

“Pretend they’re surnamed Wen,” Meng Yao suggested, and that did the trick: Nie Mingjue’s lip curled at once, vicious and angry (and a little scared, but only deep down where most people wouldn’t see it easily). He marched right inside the brothel and demanded they sell Meng Shi to him, flaunting himself as the son of what he called a Great Sect.

It might not have worked except that he made such a fuss that people started to gather, including a passing cultivator and his wife – a much more respectable-looking pair than gawky too-tall-for-his-age Nie Mingjue with his hair now bound only by a ribbon, with a horsetail whip in the hands of the woman and swords on both of them – and the man’s eyebrows had gone up as high as his forehead. “Nie-gongzi,” he called, and even saluted properly and everything. “What are you doing so far from home?”

“Trying to complete a transaction,” Nie Mingjue growled, glaring at the brothel owner even as he saluted back. “I think he doesn’t think I’m good for it.”

The female cultivator snorted, shifting the baby she carried on her back from one side to the other. “That’s brave of him. Doesn’t your Nie sect like to break things that disagree with you and pay for the damages later?”

“He’s too young for that,” her husband told her. “Look, he’s not even carrying his saber yet.”

“I wasn’t talking about him,” she said. “I was talking about the retainers his father almost certainly sent to track him down – didn’t you say you saw some very angry-looking cultivators entering town not long ago? They looked fit to slaughter.”

Nie Mingjue blanched, suggesting that he hadn’t expected company quite this early – or perhaps hoping that he could hide away from them – but the cultivators’ words had made the brothel owner quite contemplative. He finally agreed to sell him Meng Shi’s contract for all the money Nie Mingjue had and a letter of promise for that amount a second time over, an outrageous price even after they’d used all of Meng Shi’s tricks on him, but Nie Mingjue had agreed to it in a heartbeat.

“Won’t your father be angry at your spending?” Meng Yao asked, wondering. It was so much money.

“I’ll make it up to him,” Nie Mingjue said dismissively. “As soon as I get my saber and start night-hunting, money flows free and easy. It’s hard to explain, but you’ll see what it’s like once you get there.”

Meng Yao blinked. “What?”

“Aren’t you going to be a cultivator?” Nie Mingjue asked, blinking at him. “You’ll be part of my Nie sect, of course, so the same rules that apply to me will apply to you.”

“No,” Meng Yao explained. “I’m going to be part of –”

His mother pressed down on his shoulder. “You’d be willing to accept A-Yao into your sect?” she asked, her gaze sharp and penetrating.

“Of course,” Nie Mingjue said, sounding puzzled. “I was willing to do it before, just for helping me out, and now, well – he’s the brother of my brother, isn’t he? That makes him all but family directly, especially if you marry in as a concubine.”

They both gaped at him.

“…do you not want to?” Nie Mingjue – hapless idiot, fulfiller of dreams – asked, actually sounding worried. “I just assumed you would, to make sure the child isn’t born a bastard…”

“I wouldn’t object,” Meng Shi said, her voice full of rich irony that only Meng Yao understood. “But I think your father might.”

“You don’t know my father,” Nie Mingjue said simply. As if it was simple, as if people were like that. “He’ll do the right thing.”

#mdzs #nie mingjue #meng yao #jin guangyao #nieyao #meng shi #my fic #my fics #three gates

[vivithefolle]

Not sure if you already talked about this. (I’m pretty sure you have) but someone seemed to notice that when the trio get into fights, Hermione’s always in the right. Even when she’s supposed to be wrong she always seems to be half right. That kind of bothers me. Especially since it’s evident in the whole Scabbers situation.

I have indeed, on Quora, so let’s move yet another answer of mine to Tumblr!

Hermione is seldom wrong in the Harry Potter books. Sometimes she makes mistakes but those mistakes are either completely swept under the rug or downright ignored.

It’s partly due to lazy writing and partly due to Rowling’s own growing bias in favour of her Author Avatar that was fuelled by Steve Kloves, the primary advocate of the Hermione Granger Is The Perfect Girl Ever line of thinking (an utterly ridiculous line of thinking mind you).

Lizo: Steve, Hermione is a character that you have said is one of your favorites. Has that made her easier to write?

Steve: Yeah, I mean, I like writing all three, but I've always loved writing Hermione. Because, I just, one, she's a tremendous character for a lot of reasons for a writer, which also is she can carry exposition in a wonderful way because you just assume she read it in a book. If I need to tell the audience something...

JKR: Absolutely right, I find that all the time in the book, if you need to tell your readers something just put it in her. There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue. One is Hermione, the other is Dumbledore. In both cases you accept, it's plausible that they have, well Dumbledore knows pretty much everything anyway, but that Hermione has read it somewhere. So, she's handy.

Now this, right here, is the exact core of the problem.

Rowling herself admits it: if she wants the readers to have information, she puts Hermione in the scene. Hermione is our primary means of exposition because, like *grits teeth* Sssssteve puts it, it’s easy to assume that she’s read about it somewhere and it makes sense.

That’s all well and good but at first, if you notice, Ron also gave us exposition about the wizarding world, mostly about its culture. He was able to recall the exact year of the Wizarding Confederation that outlawed dragon breeding in Philosopher’s Stone! He explained what were respectively a “Mudblood”, a “Squib”, and Parseltongue, Hermione doing a little exposition about the history of that last one! He was also able to identify Sirius, after being dragged into the Whomping Willow, as an Animagi!

But then Goblet of Fire happens and you can notice the first change that will exponentially grow through the books: instead of Ron, pureblood Ron, born-before-the-end-of-the-war Ron, lived-through-the-aftermath-of-the-war Ron, identifying the Dark Mark, it’s instead Hermione, muggleborn Hermione, lived-as-a-Muggle-for-most-of-her-life Hermione, has-no-idea-about-the-emotional-impact-of-the-Mark Hermione who looks terrified as the Dark Mark shoots into the sky!

And it only will get worse, by the end of the series, Hermione pretty much knows about everything the plot needs her to know, instead of having to work with things she knows but can’t always apply to the situation:

Suddenly has a deep knowledge of Magical Law (in the will of Dumbledore’s chapter, while we had Rufus Scrimgeour who could have provided it to us, or to a lesser extent, Ron could have explained how a wizarding will basically worked)

Is suddenly an expert at finding edible plants and mushrooms. Apparently books are always the goddamn answer in JKR’s world, you can literally learn anything from them

She can decipher all the Tales of Beedle the Bard (may I remind you that they were written in Runes, okay Hermione may have a few years of Ancient Runes education BUT I once tried to translate a 3k+ story I had written for fun, from French to English, which means I knew what the subtleties and intentions were, I knew which turns of phrase I had to preserve so it would make sense in the end, and it still took me two gruelling weeks to get a satisfying result!)

Has suddenly grown a sense of quick-thinking (escaping Xenophilius’ house, using the jinx to make Harry’s face weird-looking) despite it being the only remaining flaw she had at the time (remember when she turned her back on her enemy while he was still conscious just to compliment Harry, and almost died as a result, even though she had been training in the DA to learn how to fight Death Eaters?) Quick-thinking under pressure can be learned, but it takes time and a lot of work to force your brain to override its instinct - and it’s fine because we’re all human and different. But no suddenly Hermione is the Greatest Strategist Evah™ and those silly boys (who actually were the original quick-thinking ones, and one of them was established as the strategist early on) better be grateful for this literal goddess because she protects them from all harm with her superhuman brain.

Somehow knows about Quidditch stuff - she knows about a Snitch’s “memory-touch”. Why should she give all the answers? Why can’t Ron give us this particular tidbit of information?

And then when we come to something Ron actually knows, the damn narration itself goes “woah a book that Ron has read but Hermione hasn’t??? shocking!! incredible!! Ron is not dumb, somebody call the news channel”. But… is that really so surprising? We’ve never seen Hermione read wizarding fiction or even Muggle fiction. We’ve never seen Hermione with anything other than schoolbooks in her hands. Of course Ron has read books she hasn’t read since she doesn’t seem to read fiction at all!

Sorry, bit of a tangent over here.

There are only two characters that you can put it convincingly into their dialogue.

So, that’s one part of the problem: the fact that Rowling, after making Ron our insight into magical culture and Hermione our provider of knowledge, ended up saying “eh whatever I guess Hermione can tell us everything we gotta know because it’s more convenient for me”. Which is a decision that was not based on Hermione’s character, but simply lazy writing. Long story short, it probably went: “Could Ron explain this bit of trivia? Meh, better make Hermione say it cause she’ll have read it in a book. It’s convenient and I won’t need to bother myself with exploring Ron’s characterisation.”

(And thus completely forgetting that Ron could maybe ask his big brothers via owl and provide us with a good heap of extra advanced knowledge - Bill is supposed to have aced his NEWTs after all.)

The other part of the problem is quite simply that Hermione is more often than not, either painted as a victim by the narrative (which makes more people take her side, classic manipulation tactic), or made to be right anytime it’s about a plot point.

Hermione’s mistakes are never explicitly stated, corrected, or even pointed out as being unethical.

Hermione only gets one mistake expressedly pointed out as being a mistake: her misadventure in Polyjuice Potion. The rest of them? Even her crush on Lockhart can’t be counted as a mistake - people get crushes all the time, based solely on physical appearance, it’s not something awful or terrible (Except when it’s Ron who crushes on someone. Ron crushing on someone is absolutely forbidden, and he must be punished with much ridicule and humiliation if he thinks he can get away with not worshipping Hermione like the goddess she is. The nerve of him, really.).

Throughout the books Hermione eventually morphs into Rowling’s Powerful Angel of Vengeance, that punishes the people who dared to do something she disliked - Rita is silenced but at a very ethically dubious price; Marietta gets scarred for life because she was more loyal to her mother than to a bunch of people her friend insisted she hang out with; Umbridge is led to a very, very alarming fate that is never made clear but some people have ideas and they’re not all very kid-friendly; Ron first is “helped” without knowing it because Hermione can’t be bothered to have faith in his capabilities, then when he fails to dutifully reward her for “helping” him, she causes him bodily harm before actively bullying him for not mind-reading her interest in him; causes even more bodily harm to Ron because that’s how feminism works; etc.

Hermione’s mistakes are always justified through the plot itself (which is lazy writing).

Turning into a cat? Only affects her.

The Firebolt? Scabbers? Well, in the end, it was really sent by Sirius Black and Crookshanks really wasn’t the culprit. Therefore all the feelings that were hurt and all the trust lost are irrelevant because Hermione was right all along.

Trying to free the house-elves? Well, it’s the intent that counts, right? And we’re never told enough about house-elf lore to know whether they’re poor brainwashed victims or powerful Penate-like symbiotes who need to serve a wizard to survive?

Kidnapping Rita Skeeter, trapping her and blackmailing her? Rita may be one foul little beetle, but that’s going a bit far, isn’t it? Harry approves? Oh, well, I guess it’s okay then…? A main character can’t have a dubious morality, right?

Manipulating Harry into forming Dumbledore’s Army and forcing him to relive a traumatic event with the same woman she’s kidnapped and blackmail and that she knows he hates? In the end, it all works out for the best and Harry’s hurt feelings don’t matter since it’s all about the greater good.

Using the centaurs to get rid of Umbridge (which poses the highly distressing question of what did the centaurs do to her?), realizing that the centaurs aren’t nice little horsies that are going to gently obey her every orders like good Disney princess’ companions, my goodness could this be an opportunity for character growth - nevermind, here comes Grawp the Giant Ex Machina, saving her arse and protecting Hermione from all that scary possibility of introspection. Thanks, Grawp Ex Machina.

Trying to dissuade a highly stressed-out and irrational Harry from rescuing Sirius by telling him exactly what he needed not to hear, a.k.a. “you have a saving people-thing” which causes Harry to completely go bonkers and go save his godfather without thinking twice? Well she was right after all, it was a trap! Nevermind how mind-boggingly insenstive and inadept at dealing with someone else’s feelings she was being, she was right! That means it wasn’t Hermione’s mistake!… probably. (Geez, I’m sensing a pattern here…)

Endangering Cormac’s life (Confunding him WHILE HE’S ON HIS BROOM) to promote Ron’s success? Oh but that’s so romantic! (Yeaaaah, how romantic to display exactly how much faith you lack in your crush. Top it off with a broken neck and that’s a picture perfect first date!)

Assaulting Ron with magic and causing him even more scars than he already had? But he was being cold with her first, right? And he totally should have known she was asking him out! It’s not like her invitation was even worse than his attempt to ask her out two years earlier! Plus she’s just a teenage girl expressing her emotions, anyone who tries to find fault in this is a disgusting abusive misogynist pig! Ha!

Getting all jealous that Harry is better than her at Potions, then pretending she’s not jealous by claiming that TEH BOOK IS EVIL, HARRY, and giving him the cold shoulder too? But no, she’s right, look, Harry used Sectumsempra and he almost killed Draco, nevermind that he’s very horrified about it! Hermione was right, like she always is!

Hermione Obliviating her parents, which pulls her from the “ethically dubious” zone into the “wow okay I’m pretty sure that this counts as a violation of basic human rights” zone, makes her one of those quirky wizardfolk who have the privilege to control those simple-minded Muggles because it’s for the greater good? But nooo she’s crying about it so it’s obviously very sad and angsty and it shows her devotion to the cause!

Splinching Ron while fleeing from the Ministry? Eeeh, but he’s fine, they’ve got Dittany, he’s good as new!… blood loss? Anaemia? What’s that?

Hermione was wrong about the Deathly Hallows not existing? Um, um, that doesn’t matter, LOOK DOBBY IS DEAD AND HARRY IS BACK TO LOOKING FOR THE HORCRUXES!! Therefore Hermione was right, the Hallows weren’t important for their quest, therefore the Hallows might as well not exist, HERMIONE WAS RIGHT NO REALLY I’VE GOT RECEIPTS -

The books never forget to remind Harry and Ron of their own shortcomings and moments of weakness.

Harry’s wrath and recklessness cost Sirius his life. This is the lesson he has to learn from his entitled behaviour in OotP: actions have consequences, and the greater your responsibility, the greater the cost will be.

Ron’s envy and insecurity lead him astray; they’re used to humiliate, ridicule and torture him throughout the books. They’re supposed to teach him that he’s worth something - but how is he supposed to believe that, when nobody ever tells him he’s worth anything? When nobody ever apologizes to him? When his feelings are taken for granted over and over? When his two friends seem to discard him whenever he does one thing wrong?

Hermione is never punished. Hermione is never said to be wrong, never shown to be wrong, never called out on her behaviour. From Prisoner of Azkaban to mid-Deathly Hallows, she stays exactly the same character. She doesn’t grow up. She doesn’t learn. She doesn’t change. She has virtually no character arc.

The only time, THE ONLY TIME IN SEVEN BOOKS, the only time we have something remotely resembling a call-out of Hermione’s horrible behaviour is with this sole quote in HBP:

Harry was left to ponder in silence the depths to which girls would sink to get revenge.

Note how it’s about “girls” and not Hermione in particular, which implies that any girl would do what Hermione does to Ron. Thanks for the generalization, JKR, but I like to believe I’m actually a decent sort of person that doesn’t resort to petty cruelty and exploits my friends’ insecurities whenever I’m angry with them.

Hermione NEVER has to apologize. Hermione NEVER has to learn from her mistakes because she’s always presented as a victim when she really isn’t. Hermione NEVER develops into something more - she’s emotionally stuck at fourteen years old. Even less than that when you consider that her reaction to Ron’s return in Deathly Hallows is to trash him with her fists - and she was going to get her wand!! The utter psychopathic b- wanted TO THROW BIRDS AT HIM AGAIN!!! - and this reaction is an appropriate one for a four-years old girl, but certainly not for a supposedly “mature” seventeen-years old.

(Yes, because what separates a child from an adult is the ability to reign in your emotions and not succumb to your impulses. Exactly what Ron did when he left the tent (notice that he had drawn his wand, then he left before he could start hexing Harry), he left to calm himself down. Exactly what Hermione fails to do when Ron returns (she has the impulse to strike him and immediately succumbs to it, which proves to us that The Brightest Witch Of Her Age has all the maturity of a very small child).)

All of that, on top of the awful portrayal in the movies which removes all of Ron’s characteristics to stuff them into Hermione and turns her into some impossible epitome of perfection, eventually contributed to the portrayal of Hermione as the one who is always right and knows everything.

Add to it JKR’s own ridiculous bias (“Ron was quite emotionally immature compared to the other two”, yeah right I don’t see him trying to force freedom onto unwilling creatures or making Harry fly into an irrational rage with mere words but you do you, Jo) and the sexist misconception that “girls are innately more mature than boys”, and you get yourself this apparent behemoth of righteousness that was literally the sole reason why those two silly boys survived everything, and don’t you dare criticize this angel of perfection OR ELSE.

#vivi answers #ask #hermione granger critical #hermione granger #hermione critical #harry potter series #ron weasley #jk rowling #anti jk rowling

[missshezz]

Okay, so I want to make a post about something bugging me three episodes into season two of Prodigal Son: consistency.

In writing, consistency means essentially keeping all the details consistent throughout the story. You have to write with a consistent vision. You have to erase anything that potentially can distract a viewer/reader. You have to remember the dumbest of details.

I’m sure we’ve all read a book where a name was misspelled by accident. That happens, it’s an annoyance, but we move on. Have you read stories where characters completely changed names or appearances halfway through the story? Lot more annoying because it’s no longer consistent with the first half of the book.

Prodigal Son right now is engaging in what I call “writers remorse.” They’re changing Malcolm’s characterization to fit their sudden idea of who his character needs to be this season and completely ignoring the areas where they established these parts of him in the first season. Example:

His tremor. In the current episode, Malcolm tells Dani:

Ignoring the piss-poor caption job here... 😂

We have a flashback from season 1 where we clearly see young Malcolm with that tremor:

That’s not years, it is weeks. Maybe months. Can we say he maybe didn’t recognize his tremors until he was older? Yes. However, the narrative implies differently. They’re saying years. It’s inconsistent characterization.

And no, Malcolm being an unreliable narrator doesn’t justify it.

Second point of inconsistency. All season 1, Malcolm is haunted by his fear of the girl in the box and what he might have done to her. He’s upset by his recalling he stabbed John Watkins in an act of self-defense. His stabbing of his father (contrived by Martin as a way to manipulate and control Malcolm as to help catch the Carousel Killer) torments him to the point he and Dani have a falling out over it.

But we get this (sorry, no video of this scene on YouTube for me to grab so I am linking to a blog with gifs):

So, Malcolm essentially plans out an entire act of revenge on a kid who bullied him at boarding school that almost kills the kid and is totally fine with it?

I don’t think so.

Inconsistent characterization.

If he was okay with essentially pushing a kid into an asthma attack and giving them their “empty” inhaler (okay, he “saved” him in the end but still), he’d have had no problem in shooting Endicott. He was justified in shooting Endicott. The man had a hand in his “girlfriend’s” (less girlfriend, more user, sorry) murder, in his father nearly being killed/sent to Rikers, his being framed for murder, murdering his lawyer, having Gil stabbed, and essentially assaulting his sister (to the point she snapped and killed him).

Yeah, Malcolm okay with almost murdering a bullying classmate is not tracking well here, and no, unreliable narrator doesn’t cover it. This is writer remorse. They had places they wanted to take Malcolm in season 1, reversed on them at some point, and are now trying to shoehorn those things in now as character development. It’s inconsistent. Can they still pull this together in the remaining ten episodes? Sure... but I’m not optimistic given the choices they have made so far.

Especially since the laziest writing of all was perpetrated in episode one by them having Malcolm chop up and dispose of Endicott. That is called jumping the shark. All suspensions of belief were basically ignored as they went with the safest and most predictable angle they could to explain the end of season 1 without having to revisit the missing elements from season 1 (thanks to the Whu Whu bug). Does it add drama? Sure. Is it good drama? Not really. I can think of a number of ways they could have gone with this that were as dramatic and built a story they could have worked into season 2.5 or 3 (depending on what happens in the next few months).

Let’s be blunt here: show runners had a mess on their hands because of the Whu Whu bug, restrictions on filming, and a reduced number of episodes to tell a story in. They just have made some fundamental errors that toss me, as a viewer, out of the story. Do I still love the show? Absolutely. The ironic thing is that one can love a fandom and still critique it. Critiquing the show also doesn’t make me less of a fan (as some will claim). Being a fan means loving something for what it is and accepting it as it is. I accept that PSon is a bit messy at this moment. I’m still here for the ride. I’m still invested in the characters and their stories. I just have issues with the choices made.

#prodigal son #malcolm bright #tom payne #mini-rant #inconsistent characterization #consistency issues #writers are hard asses #prodigal son season two #Youtube

[valaks]

Hey Valaks! I love your blog and your writing!

Please could you do 1, 10 and 18 for the writing asks?? 🌺

Thank you for the ask! I have added a cut to hopefully not be that person clogging up the feed XD

1. Tell us about your current project(s) – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

I have a few collabs outstanding like Gemini and a Kabir/Alex sequel to Reunion (It’s rated T at the most so still kid friendly) with Lupin and Devil Went Down to Georgia with Galimau. My utter love for both of my collab partners for pulling me through at a time when I’ve been really struggling. I have a WIPs List but I’ll confess to not having touched most of them in quite sometime (partly from life, partly because I’m not sure how interesting they’d be to anyone else other than me which influences my writing more than I would like to admit):

Good Intentions: Smithers never thought he’d be anyone’s moral compass, he was no angel to sit in anyone’s shoulder but trying to keep Alex Rider from following in the ruthless footsteps of his father or worse his former handler, Alan Blunt is as close to hell as he can imagine. (Wherein Alex becomes head of MI6 we watch his morality slip away form the eyes of an increasingly frustrated and heartbroken Smithers - it all culminates when Alex uses a child “just as an informant, simple information gathering” but hidden behind the charming smile of John Rider and the brutal coldness of Alan Blunt’s words is Alex Rider dying as he says them (Smithers just hopes there’s still a part of the boy he once knew in there to mourn)

Walk the Line: Alex thought he was done with SCORPIA. But they kept creeping back into his life in the most unexpected of ways. He thought he could at least count on it being on the other side until he gets teamed up with Walker, his former classmate and current CIA spy. Unfortunately he still hasn’t been able to figure out whose side Walker is really on - attempted deep cover op like his dad, repatriated rogue spy back on the “good” side, or SCORPIA double agent? He doesn’t know but at least he’s nice....in that obnoxious American way.

Temperamental: (Sequel to Sentimental which isn’t all that popular and you would need to read it for the sequel but basically amnesiac Yassen whose memories stop pre John’s betrayal set during the Stormbreaker mission and features him trying to come to grips with the use of chemical weapons against children and how to handle Alex once he snaps back to reality which is where this starts) Yassen had promised Alex Rider that he would be safe from the world of spying but fate had other ideas. In the days after Sarov’s failed plan, Yassen scrambles to find where MI6 have hidden his wayward charge without drawing Rothman’s attention. A request from one of their existing clients to look into suspicious activity at his son’s former school prompts Yassen to investigate under the guise of offering security. He should have known where there was trouble there would be Alex.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

Lordy do I ever not have a good answer for this. Typically it involves an idea hitting me and then the determination: would this idea work better as a short to post on tumblr (because the set up would take away the tension or would require a multi chapter which is not really my strength), as a prompt to lob out into the ether for someone better and brighter to touch on, or a fic. Once fic is decided I determine whose perspective the fic would be the most interesting from either because it would create the most tension or their internal monologue/background knowledge would add the most to it. Then the summary is written and a title is chosen. If it’s something I’m really passionate about and I already have it in my head I tend to write it all in one go, if there’s more I need to chew on then it’s a series of dates with the Evil Writing App. The final determination is whether it’s good enough for Valaks or if it gets sent to an alt account.

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Allegedly. I’ll try to go in order of posting -

Ruthless has a sequel where Alex just goes *quiet* once the initial dust as settled it’s unnerving to everyone because they’re not used to having to wonder just what Alex is thinking, at least not behind closed doors but what happened isn’t exactly something that can be recovered from easily, not when Alex isn’t sure who all’s in on it no matter what they’ve told him. Failure is the AU where I considered what would happen to Alex to make him want to torture.

Alibi was originally going to have Yassen show up in the end but I found it far more fascinating if MI6 was just testing Alex so out went Yassen and in went Ben. The sequel to it was torn apart and turned into Warm Reception because I wanted to trope flip SCORPIA comes to Brooklands and decided that it was more logical to have a small fight in Mrs. Bedfordshire’s lobby than anywhere else and I wanted to explore some side characters instead of Ben.

Providence’s sequel thoughts ended up inspiring Gentleman’s Agreement but I did write a small short for it “Yassen and Alex encounter each other on mission. Surprisingly they are working to mostly the same goal - Yassen needs to kill the millionaire who Alex needs to get information from. “I suppose I could answer some questions for you, Sasha. /In Russian/“ “Is now really the time for a language lesson?” he ground out in frustration but the man pointedly ignored him “/Fine but I don’t know some of the words/“ “/Then there is no better way to learn/“

I mentioned the Sentimental sequel but changing Sarov to come first and probable for almost a month before Yassen figures out he’s missing made the most sense. It was also a bit of fun at the Yassen would absolutely take Alex away from MI6....just to throw him in a school and throw away the key. Almost had him send him to Point Blanc but decided that wouldn’t quite fit all that well and wouldn’t be as interesting as if Alex had already gotten his feet back under him with MI6 and now sees that Yassen was right that MI6 would just use him until he’s dead but that doesn’t mean Alex wants to be anywhere near Yassen. Julia Rothman might have other ideas when she finds out what her newest second in command is hiding.

Gentleman’s Agreement.....there’s a lot of thoughts on Sequels and AUs, a lot of them have been written by better people, but that fic was written in 45 minutes so there wasn’t much time to recharacterize or change scenes. It did get Turncoat aka the Alex saves Yassen fic I wanted so badly.

Blood Brothers is a fic I really worked hard on considering how John would feel about his son being thrown into SCORPIA assuming Alex was of age. A rocky marriage was characterization that didn’t quite fit what I imagined would have happened but did fit the story so it stayed in. It was a fic that was supposed to get expanded on - the competition between Hunter and Yassen and Nile and Alex who is desperate to beat his Dad and his “apprentice”. I think two teenagers thrown against each other with a bit of a bone to pick, especially Yassen and Alex who can both hold a grudge even if one runs hot and the other runs cold, would have been compelling and a little fun but the premise and specifically John’s characterization doesn’t quite work out to me.

Found and Legends both have their plotting done but it’ll never see the light of day

Little Moments and Sweetest Thing were my guilty pleasure writing pieces for a while and I have about 1000 DMs of scenes for both of them that are lost to the sands of time and an embarrassing amount of self indulgence

Mates has a follow up ending for those who needed resolution in the comments of it. I’m not sure I did a good job of showing that Tom was in a semi abusive relationship since a lot of people seemed to blame him for him and Alex’s breakup. Most of my headcanons for how their relationship goes have them splitting much sooner just because of Tom’s own home life and either being unable to relate/talk to Alex and drifting away because his Mom throwing a plate at his head isn’t being hung over crocodiles but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt or because Alex is just too dangerous/jumpy to be thrown back into a school environment and lashes out even unintentionally especially not under the pressure of being seen as a failure. School is also a barometer of just how much he’s lost of himself and his childhood, bonus points for Alex being completely upfront with Tom about everything he’s done

In My Sights has an AU where this is all post Christmas at Gunpoint and Yassen is there because he knows Ian is already at Sayle’s factory and will have to be...handled. So two weeks of just getting Alex trained for the protection he might need, connecting him to resources, etc. Ian finding out that Yassen had been there was part of a draft at one point which was included Alex wondering about an all too sincere goodbye from Ian “who never hugged him” but I can’t find the snippet anymore ;__;

A Warm Reception was an alternate version. Originally I wanted it to be Alex watching his last chance at normality slip from his fingers and then the crushing realization that it was something that was his own doing, not even MI6 but Skoda who he had picked a fight with and the accompanying breakdown but then decided that Mrs. Bedfordshire was the right way to go upon writing the summary. Because everyone loves some Outsider POV

Adopted was supposed to be a one chapter throw away trope flip of K Unit adopts Alex. I kept it pretty consistent with Amitai and Lil Lupin’s K Units, tried to add in some more characterization just in how they treated some of the details. It has an alt ending/chapter where they find out Alex is Cub when they pull him from Three’s tender mercies almost by accident. I was persuaded into light humored fluff via guilt trip.

The Truth and Other Deadly Weapons has Ben acting exactly like he think he would in front of everyone but my AU was that this interaction happened in the field and absolutely shattered Ben’s trust in him partly because he had worked for the other side and partly because even if it ‘wasn’t as bad as it looks’ it showed a severe lack of judgment. It also featured several chapters of Alex running into the glass ceiling that is having “Member Malogosto Class of 2004” on your resume. Was going to feature Alex running into Walker as well and into problems within MI6 and the CIA but that was eventually cut and it was kept to one chapter.

Guardian....Guardian holds a very special place in my heart. I was given the prompt of a Monster Fic and I wrote what I knew but the interesting parts were all the ones that come after the story but might come across to a general audience as Hogwarts School of Prayers and Miracles. The plotting done post this was going to feature baby Angel Alex reuniting with his parents but...they were strangers to him and so he stayed with Yassen more and more, followed him, learned from him....it encompassed everything from the dynamics of broken families to reflections on theology and references from the Good Book....which is why it’ll never see the fandom but has a very special place in my heart.

In another, more perfect world Glocking Around the Christmas Tree is the Die hard fic this fandom deserves but as Lupin and I untangled the plot of the movie more and more we just couldn’t make it into anything that would be coherent on paper so it was changed and changed and is now a half finished sad abomination that sits on my works list only because Lupin would kill me if I took it down.

Hot Shot was supposed to feature my current favorite character that is not Nile Abara, John Crawley but I wimped out and changed it at the end because I swore I would write the Crawley fic that we all need. Hear me out: John Crawley knew and worked with John and Ian Rider, was respected by both of them, was recruited by SCORPIA within one year in the field, is the Chief of Staff of MI6, the man who “no one gets a knife in the back without him signing off” and is also the man who walks his dog to check on Alex. There’s a mentorship waiting to happen there, preferably in a nice work study program during college where Alex finally gets to see the repercussions of his missions and Crawley helps try and pull him back from the black mark that SCORPIA would have put on him.

My personal fluffy favorite is the spinoff of Devil Went Down to Georgia where Joe Byrne did pull Alex out post Skeleton Key and brought him home. There’s a pretty extended one about where Tom ends up after Mates. There’s also an actual sequel but ask me no questions and all.

Skipping a few collabs and Febuwhump fics but Burning Questions was just supposed to be Branded - a fic where upon being captured by Razim he is brought in and forcibly branded to differentiate the appearances of Alex and Julius (since Razim has decided to have him killed after shooting the Secretary of State). As a result of the pain levels spiking when Alex actually sees that the SCORPIA logo is branded onto his cheek Razim considers that emotional pain might be something to investigate. There’s a couple thousand words on it, one day I might polish it up.

First Impressions is supposed to be a mirror verse of Alex working for MI6 which includes Three as Blunt, Rothman as Jones and of course Sagitta as K Unit while he’s up against his father as Yassen and Yassen as Crawley. But it was cut down significantly even if the ideas are pretty fun to consider.

Sorry this was probably more than you bargained for but it was fun to get everything out there so thank you for asking

#alex rider #alex rider fanfiction #Im so sorry #I just have a lot

[utterlyinevitable]

I’m bored and you’re headcanons are honestly so quality omfg but anyways write a headcanon of ethan and MC having a high school, slow burn love/not love (angsty ✨✨✨ kinda like us with our muses 💀 I’m not sure if Ethan ends up coming out as gay at the end tho-honestly if he did I’m living for it) love you lots! 💖 your tumblr niece

AHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAH no no nope Ethan will not come out as gay 🤣 But I am going to take full on creative liberty with this and you’re just gonna have to deal 😘

Ethan and Becca Meet in High School 

Ethan Ramsey was 26 years old and a TA for the school’s science department. He took the part time role on a year’s contract to help pay off some of his student loans before he started residency. 

At 17 years old, Becca was a senior at a small-town high school. 

Becca was an interesting student - very quiet but intelligent. She surrounded herself with the strangest group boys. Those boys were her lab bench mates, and were incredibly subpar. 

More than once Ethan caught the three boys playing games on their laptops and scrolling their feeds instead of paying attention. 

He watched her carry them all on her back through the course. And ask for nothing in return. 

It made his blood boil - they were clearly taking advantage of their friend. 

The next week Ethan persuaded Ms. Cook changed up the seating arrangements. 

Ethan took great pleasure in marking the boys Cs instead of the B+ they were used to getting with Becca’s help. 

Second Semester, AP Bio was kicking Becca’s ass. She needed help preparing to get the 5 she needed on the exam in order to rank Top 15 in her class before graduation.

So she attended Ms. Cook’s after school sessions. 

It seemed half the class needed extra help, so they were split up into groups. Half with Cook and half with Ramsey. Becca was assigned to Ramsey. 

As the days and weeks progressed, the after school group dwindled. 

After a choose-your-partner lab that day, Becca ended up with the same group of useless individuals. 

At study group that afternoon, Ethan confronted her about it: “I don’t know why you let them take credit for your work. Be proud of your accomplishments.” “Being proud gets you enemies.” “You’d rather have friends and compromise your integrity, than showing everyone what you’re capable of?”

That made her think. 

“I’d rather come out of high school unscathed.” “You can’t make everyone love you. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you’ll come into your own.”  “And who are you, Dr. Ramsey?”  “Someone who took every opportunity I could. I advise you do the same.” 

Over the next few weeks they got to know one another better. Ethan becoming her somewhat mentor and encouraging her to speak up more and assert herself. 

She took all his words to heart. 

He was proud and a little taken aback when she found a fallacy in one of their labs and called Ms. Cook out on it. It resulted in it being postponed to fix the errors.  

Being a high school senior meant having to choose what college to go to. 

She was getting acceptance letters left and right but she had absolutely no clue what she wanted to to with her life. 

“Did you always want to be a doctor?” she asked one afternoon.  “No. But it’s what I’m good at.”  “How did you know it’s what you wanted to pursue?”  “As much as I regret saying this, it felt like a calling.”  “Hmph. Okay.”  “You don’t agree with the notion?”  “I don’t know what I want to do. I’ve applied to so many schools and different programs. How do I know which one’s right?” 

They talked about what she’s passionate about and what makes her happiest and what careers she thinks she could pursue.  

That got her to think. Think long and hard and over a few days. 

She had a new outlook on life - she was on a new quest to find her eternal happiness. 

May came around and she took her AP exam. She got a perfect score.  _

Becca has eyes. She notices how attractive Dr. Ramsey is. Tbh everyone notices - he’s the thirst of the school district. Her girl friends even ask her about him multiple times a week. All she does is roll her eyes and say he’s too old for them.    

Becca had been all but dating Bryce Lahela for the last year and a half. 

They were friends. 

Friends who kissed and touched and spent almost every Friday and Saturday night together with the gang. 

It wasn’t a secret that Bryce was completely enamored by her. 

He wanted her. Officially. And he was tried of waiting. 

One day after school, Bryce was waiting outside Ms. Cook’s classroom for her. 

He nodded at and dodged every student that passed him as he waited. She was the last one to leave. 

“Hey,” he gave his megawatt smile.  “Hey, what’re you doing here? Don’t you have practice?”  “Ended early.” 

They exchanged small talk and Bryce finally began to lay everything out in a young, round about way. He kissed her to butter her up. 

“Be my girlfriend?”  “What’s wrong with what we already have?”  “C’mon, Becks,” he pulled her in closer by her beltloop.  “No.”  “No?”  “What’s the point? We’re just going to break up before college.”  “You don’t know that.” 

She rattled off all her reasons why: they aren’t going to the same school, they’re young, she doesn’t want to resent him, she doesn’t want to fall in love with him just for it to end badly. 

Bryce went to fight for her but was interrupted by the slam of a door. The two looked up and saw Dr. Ramsey and Ms. Cook locking up for the evening.

She pulled away from him and turned on her heels. 

At the bus stop, Becca sat with her head in her hands. 

Ethan came up next to her.   “For what it’s worth, I think you made the right decision. You’re going to change immensely over the next few years.”  “I know,” she grumbled into her palms. “It just hurts.”   _

Becca went to Stony Brook and double majored in Chemistry and Biology. 

She then attended Med School at UCLA. 

Her second year, a familiar name stared back at her from her required internal medicine textbook: Dr. Ethan Ramsey. 

Becca couldn’t help the smile as she remembered him. She’d almost forgot about the TA that impacted her life more than she could ever know.

Out of curiosity she consumed all his research. And when she finished everything, she found his direct email at Edenbrook. 

She spent an entire weekend wondering if she should email him - Ask if he remembered her and that she followed his advice. She found her calling and it was helping people, just like him. She thought about throwing a joke in there but figured it had been too many years and it probably wouldn’t translate. 

When residency came, she only had applied to Edenbrook. 

And that’s when she emailed him. 

She hadn’t gotten a response for months. 

Actually, she didn’t hear anything until her decision letter came. 

That same evening she found an email from him at the top of her inbox:  Glad to see you’ve found your voice. We look forward to welcoming you to the team. 

Ethan vaguely remembered Becca. 

Honestly, he blocked the whole TA part of his life out. 

Though, once he received her email, he personally vetted her application. And he was blown away. She wasn’t some naïve teenager. 

Becca started working at Edenbrook and wanted nothing more than to learn from Ethan himself. 

But he was different - jaded and cynical and not as approachable as she remembered. 

He pushed her to reach her potential and she pushed his buttons. 

They grew closer, especially with Naveen’s case. Basically the slow burn in canon happens. 

These two get together, officially, once their jobs at the new Bloombrook Diagnostics Hospital were instated and they were definitely both staying in Boston for the foreseeable future.  _

Becca didn’t particularly want to go to her 10-year high school reunion. She went because she was being recognized for her accomplishments with a few other alum. 

She brought her boyfriend Ethan with her.  “If I have to sit through this, so do you.”  “I can honestly say I’ve never been to a reunion.”  “Well, you’re my excuse to leave early. Gotta put the old man to bed,” she winked. 

She was grateful for him playing along instead of taking another shift at work, and it would be nice to just be a couple for once. Without expectations hanging over them as the heads of their respective departments at work. 

They had been in the ballroom for less than 15 minutes before they heard the loud whispers circulating. 

Seems like Becca wasn’t the only one who remember the sexiest TA in all of high school history and of teenage dreams. 

There were a bunch of intrusive questions being thrown at them and people coming up to them for the low down. 

They tried not to be rude in their admonishments but the whole situation was awkward as fuck. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring him with her.... 

But there was no going back now. 

And then Bryce sauntered over. 

They hadn’t spoken to one another since senior prom when he took her best friend as a date and then hooked up with someone else at the after party. 

“Rebecca, you look amazing,” he came in for a hug.  “Thank you, Bryce.” 

They had awkward catch ups at one side of the table as Ethan sat at the other end fending off questions from other girls and a select group of boys that remembered him. 

Bryce and Becca talked about what they’ve been up to, how he’s now a surgeon and what brought him back home. 

They lamented about how it’s strange they’re both in medicine and never spoke of that as a career path way back when. 

In their long, flowing and unawkward conversation, they settled that it was best they went their separate ways. 

They settled on the agreement that they didn’t think they’d end up at the schools they went to if they did date. They assumed love would reign and they’d choose to stay close by, and New York and California were not close by. 

With all the long awaited closure finally out of the way, Bryce motioned towards Ethan; “So, you and that guy? How’d that happen?” 

She knew what he was thinking and was quick to squash any rumors from starting.

“We work together. Didn’t mean for it to happen, it just kind of fell together.”  “You look happy.”  “I am.” 

Bryce was bold in his next assumption. Knowing Becca as the girl who always spoke about never getting married and being a free bird as her main reasons for never committing to a boy, he wanted to catch her of guard:   “Is it love?” 

He wasn’t prepared for her answer.

“Yes.” 

People change and are allowed to evolve. But it’s hard to imagine someone you once loved as anything other than who they were. And it’s even harder to see them in love with someone else. 

#love you the mostest #open heart #open heart headcanons #hc #ethan x mc #ethan ramsey #bryce lahela #asked #you weren't expecting this and i wasn't expecting to write this #what did i just write???? #Anonymous #bryce x mc

[hyuniebaby]

Focus (10)

Pairings: Baekhyun x Y/N x Junmyeon

AU: College student! Baekhyun, Professor! Junmyeon AU, college!au

A/N: So I've rewritten the whole Part 10 because Tumblr decided to mess it up... I didn't have any back-up file so… I completely changed the whole part. 😅 Sorry for updating this late, I had to cool down from my frustration over Part 10 getting deleted. I hope you still enjoy this~

Taglist: @coffee-prince-kyungsoo​ @thighhighsanti​ @littleflowercrown13​

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11

Mr. Kim doesn’t know what came over him when he started walking towards Baekhyun as soon as he had a glimpse of him. He was even more surprised when the words, “Mr. Byun, if you have time, please come by my office later” left his mouth.

Mr. Kim was a very laid-back professor. He doesn’t mind what his students were up to as long as they were actually learning. He only ever intervenes when he notices that his students weren't doing well on his quizzes. But right now, that wasn’t the case when he finds himself talking to Baekhyun. Unprofessional as it may be, he wanted to know what’s happening between you and Baekhyun. Were you two in a relationship already? Was he wrong for taking a liking to you? Were you cheating on Baekhyun with him? Does Baekhyun know what happened between the two of you? There were so many questions he wanted to ask but he doesn’t know how to do so, especially not to Baekhyun. Baekhyun wasn’t his friend, you are. It would have been easier if it was you who he was standing in front of.

He should’ve just held back the words. He should’ve just waited until he saw you so he could talk to you instead. But he was very curious, he couldn’t think straight! He was slightly panicking inside for being so brazen but he kept the cool exterior.

Mr. Kim wasn’t expecting to see Baekhyun nod to him. “I’m actually free today.” Baekhyun says. Mr. Kim thought that he’d be able to get at least three hours to be able to think of a plan to subtly ask about the two of you. Now he had to think fast.

“Well then Mr. Byun, please follow me to my office.” He says.

He leads the younger male into his office. Baekhyun doesn’t seem to be as tense as him. When they arrive at his office, he motions Baekhyun to sit.

“So Mr. Byun I see that you’ve become distracted in class lately.” Mr. Kim starts to say. Quite frankly, it wasn’t what he really wanted to say, but he thought it would be weird he went directly to the point. He wasn’t sure how Baekhyun would react so he was being a little cautious.

Baekhyun shrugs nonchalantly. Wow, he doesn’t really seem to care, Mr. Kim thought. It was annoying for him to see a student act so indifferent. He was a professor after all and he deserves to be heard and respected.

“Mr. Kim, just get to the point, I know you don’t care about my performance in class,” Baekhyun says with a slight annoyance in his tone. Baekhyun was being rude and he knows it, but he was really not in the mood for beating around the bush. He wasn’t in the mood to talk to Mr. Kim at all. He was very much pissed to know that he was the person who dared touch you when he basically marked you as his.

Mr. Kim was taken aback with the tone Baekhyun used. He felt offended for the lack of respect. He gives the younger male a warning look, a sign that he shouldn’t test his patience. Baekhyun just stares at him, challenging him.

When Mr. Kim doesn’t respond, Baekhyun says, “I know about you and Y/N.”

Mr. Kim raises his brow. He knows you well enough that you’re only comfortable with telling these kinds of things to people who you truly trusted. The fact that Baekhyun knew meant that you’ve grown close to the younger male. Mr. Kim leans back to his chair and crosses his arms, “What about us?”

Baekhyun gives him an incredulous look. “You touched her and kissed her. God knows what else you’ve done!” He was so mad.

“Didn’t you do that to her too?” He says with a glare.

Baekhyun was caught off guard by Mr. Kim’s statement. Mr. Kim knew something happened between the two of you and he still touched you and kissed you! You were his and like he told you, he doesn’t like to share. He was furious at the older man. Right now all he wanted to do was to punch Mr. Kim in the face, but he refrains from doing so. He tries to compose himself and smirks, “Oh but we did more than that.”

Mr. Kim clenches his jaw in annoyance. Baekhyun tugs the collar of his shirt to reveal more of the hickeys you gave him. Mr. Kim’s eyes widened at the sight, he wasn’t able to notice the hickeys at first because he was too busy thinking of what to say to Baekhyun. The sight pisses of Mr. Kim. He scoffs,”Should I care? Even if you did have sex with her, I don’t think it counts so much. After all, she allowed me to touch her despite having slept with you.”

Baekhyun felt like he was slapped on the face. What Mr. Kim was true. He wasn’t anything to you aside from the man who you had slept with, twice. “As if you aren’t in the same disposition as me.” Baekhyun snaps.

“Oh but I’m not the same as you.” Mr. Kim smirks. “We’ve known each other for quite a while now. I was her friend even before I became her professor. Even her parents adore me. She won’t cut ties with me easily.”

Well shit.

“Just a tip, Baekhyun,” Mr. Kim says his name mockingly, “She almost never dates. You see, she prioritizes her studies over everything else. She gets easily distracted too, so she avoids distractions as much as possible. And if you’ve been observing her for the past few days, you’d know that you are a distraction. Maybe you should just step down and save yourself the trouble.”

To Baekhyun, giving up is never an option. Baekhyun is a gamer after all. The thing about gamers is that they’re very competitive and passionate. He naturally loves to win. This time it was you who he wants to win over.

The past few days of you avoiding him lead him to realize that he does feel something about you. And because of this realization, he’s not going to step down, even if it’s Mr. Kim who’s supposed to be his opponent. He hates losing. And he would definitely hate himself if he lost you.

Without a word, Baekhyun stands up and leaves Mr. Kim’s office. He’s furious. He has to find a way to make you his, before Mr. Kim actually makes a move.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You enter the classroom with your head down low to hide your red face. Baekhyun was driving you crazy. When you looked up from the floor, you saw your friends were already seated by your usual place. All your friends were looking at you already.

Before you can even take your seat, Mina says, “So... I think it’s time to tell them what happened to you last week.”

You know immediately what she was thinking about when she raises her eyebrows up and down. “Do I really have to?” You whine.

Mina doesn’t answer you, she turns to the rest of your friends with a smile instead and she announces, “She met this extremely good looking guy!!!!”

“How good looking?” Joohyun asks, leaning forward.

“Like a god! He’s tall and handsome. A gentleman too.” Mina says dreamily.

You roll your eyes, “Mina, I think you’re exaggerating.”

“What’s his name? Maybe I can find him.” Joohyun says. You don’t doubt her abilities, she does have a lot of connections.

“Uh… I think you will definitely find him because you have so many friends.” You pause, thinking of whether or not to tell her. You eye her warily, but she looks so interested, you didn’t want to dampen her mood so you say, “His name is Sehun.”

“Sehun as in Oh Sehun? The one in Performing Arts?!” Joohyun exclaims.

You were shocked she knew him personally. You thought it would take at least a day for her to find out about him through her other friends. “You know him?”

“Yes,” she then lowers her voice and glances at some person in the front row, “he’s Jongin’s best friend.”

You snap your head towards Jongin, it was a good thing he was taking a nap so he doesn’t know about the commotion. “What the fuck?”

“So are you dating him?” Seulgi pipes in.

You slightly cringe, remembering how annoying he actually was when sober, “Of course not!”

“Whose shirt are you wearing then if it wasn’t from him?”

You were caught off guard by the question, momentarily forgetting that you’re actually wearing Baekhyun’s shirt. “This is Baekhyun’s shirt.” You press your mouth in a thin line

Your friends squealed. “Oh my god! Are you two dating now?” You didn’t know who asked because they reacted so loudly you had to cover your ears.

“No, no. Nothing like that. We -- uh, haven’t talked about it yet.”

Your friends’ eyes soften. “Well, you know we like him. For you. So don’t be too afraid to jump in Y/N. It’s been so long since you and Kyungsoo broke up, maybe you should give him a chance.” Mina says.

You frown, “It’s complicated,” you pause while thinking about Junmyeon, “I don’t even know if he likes me that way.”

Seulgi rolls her eyes, “It’s quite obvious he has a crush on you! When you were avoiding him, he always had this longing look when he saw you in the hallway. Not to mention --”

You cut her off before she could say anything else. You didn’t want to get your hopes up, “Besides, I have to study well, especially since I have to beat Jongin.”

Your friends laugh at your reasoning. They were aware you thought of Jongin as a competitor ever since he was dared to beat the top student in the class, who was unfortunately you. It was supposed to be for a quiz only, but when Jongin lost to you, he didn’t give up. So he challenged you to the next quiz which led to another and another. There was an unspoken agreement that this “game” would continue until the end of the semester, or at least if someone concedes. It came to a point where your classmates took bets on who’s going to score higher. Even your professors were aware of the game you both played, but they didn’t say anything about it seeing that somehow the rest of the class got motivated to study for the quizzes and examinations because of the competition. Then by the end of the semester, your classmates tallied your quizzes and examinations and well, Jongin scored higher than you by two points. TWO points! It frustrated you. But it was fun competing with him like that since you got more focused and driven. This time you weren’t going to lose to him. You weren’t going to let anything or anyone distract you.

#baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun x reader #baekhyun x you #junmyeon x reader #junmyeon x you #suho fanfic #baekhyun fluff #suho fluff #junmyeon fluff #baekhyun angst #suho angst #junmyeon angst #baekhyun smut #suho smut #junmyeon smut #junmyeon fanfic #suho x reader #suho x you #exo baekhyun #exo suho #byun baekhyun #kim junmyeon #exo fanfic #exo angst #exo fluff #exo smut

[cyberloops]

I did a jam session last week, trying to go back a bit to my Cyberloops style of doing just a few loops that could be mixed and matched... and nothing I made really worked for me. So I never uploaded it. But today I sat down and tried something a little different. Raised the tempo up to 160, then ended up doing everything half-time and making something that felt much more... like a soundtrack. Like I what I was trying to do last week. I guess I was just trying too hard last week, while this week I just let it flow a bit.

This one is extra long, because after I finished making it, I realized that I could easily add a soft counterpoint solo line across the entire thing. I fiddled around a little bit... then just hit record. After an hour and a half or so of making loops, I just hit record and recorded an improv counterpoint solo across the entire piece.

I could not have done that a year ago. Hell, I probably would have needed four or five takes six months ago.

I didn’t want to upload one version with the solo and one without, especially since the solo was made to have a note right AFTER the end of the loop to lead into the next loop. So instead I just had the piece loop once, and had the solo (the bell-like instrument) come in about a third of the way through the first loop, then stop about a third of the way through the second. So you get a full loop of the solo, just split across the two loops of the main piece. This also means that the piece ended up so long that I had to lower the render to 128k in order for the file to be small enough to upload to Tumblr.

This has almost no editing. I did some basic track mixing, but no real balancing or anything like that. I just fiddled with an arpeggiator for a few minutes, recorded the basic two arpeggiated chords that it starts with, then went from there. The arpeggiator and the instrument that goes from chords to solo are both synths, the drums, counterpoint solo, and the other instrument are all wavetable. Mixing a lot of wavetable with synth is also something I don’t often do, but I just got a few new wavetable plugins that I liked and I wanted to use.

The jam session I did last week used nothing but the new wavetable synths. Maybe that’s why it didn’t quite resonate with me. (Heh. Resonate.) I just need to be able to actually tweak and play with the instrument creation to some extent to make it fit what I want. I didn’t modify the other synth instrument in this track at all, that was just one of the presets in that synth. But the arpeggiator one I modified pretty heavily from the preset. It had three oscillators. For the main one, I added in the filter effect that makes it sound like it was run through a flanger. For the other two I futzed with some of their settings and changed one waveform to the point that it was no longer recognizable as that preset at all.

I’m also trying to get more comfortable with non-standard chord structures. This entire song was built around 7 chords. (That’s a chord with an added 7th, not seven separate chords. I think I only ended up using 6 chords in the entire piece.) Most of it is built around a simple C major 7 chord that leads down to an A minor 7. I do break with that and do just a C major to A minor at a couple points, then another part where it does the CM7 to Am7, then down to Em7 then Dm7.

All in all, I think this ended up being a nice little chill atmospheric piece... and a better example of the cyberloops easily mixable/repeatable loops than what I decided NOT to post last week.

#jam session #screenside jam session #music #soundtrack #synth #synthwave #wavetable #retrowave #cyberpunk music #cyberpunk soundtrack #cyberpunk #cyberpunk aesthetic #aesthetic #chill #vaporwave #chillwave #arpeggio #arpeggiator

[theonetheycallhannah]

The Treatment of Captain Syverson-Chapter 14: No Call No Show

Characters: Shane Benton (OFC), various other original supporting/secondary characters

Summary: We find out where Shane went Monday after work and exactly why she hasn’t been responding to any attempts at communication…and unfortunately, she’s not just taking some “me time.”

Want to reminisce about when this was just a happy little fluffy romance? Return to chapters past, or look at my other smutty drabbles here!

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings:  SHANE FIGHTS BACK, BUT DEFINITELY GETS HER ASS KICKED, SO FAIR WARNING, IT’S VIOLENT. Language, mature themes, emotional abuse, mention of narcotics (morphine), vomiting, foreshadowing and mention of potential future violent/non-con/dub-con activities, but if those acts occur, they will not be portrayed on the page, but rather between chapter or section breaks, so don’t worry. Also, I use the “R” word, but not to discuss non-con, but rather to add an educational note about why one should yell “fire” when one is being assaulted. Basically no Sy material whatsoever, but he’s mentioned, so I’m tagging it as such! Shane being somewhat blasé about her mortality. I really don’t want to trigger anyone, so please read with caution or wait until you emotionally are ready to deal with our girl going through the shit.

Author’s Note: Really REALLY nervous about this one. This is not the resolution you are looking for, my friends. In fact, it’s not a resolution, at all. Lol. I foresee many people disliking this chapter for some reason or another. That’s actually okay. It’s not a chapter you’re meant to “like” per se. I don’t “like” it. I’m prepared for it to get very few notes, and I’m positioning it anyway. I think it’s some of my better writing, but I hated putting Shane through the ringer like this. It’s just one of those chapters you “get through.” And honestly, if you truly didn’t like it please give me feedback so I can improve and tweak. {For reasons other than “My beebeeeeee!” or “never mention anything less than consensual ever again kthxbye” because a) of all, MY beebee too, and b) of all, that’s what warnings are for and why they should be read.} That being said, I hope it at least tides you over until the next chapter. At least you know where she is…not that THAT’S a big relief under the circumstances! Lol!

Disclaimer: Unfortunately for me, Henry is not mine, le sigh, and all mention of him, his characters, any characters from his films, or his precious doggy, Kal, are strictly for transformative and recreational use. I neither ask for, nor accept payment for the work I post on Tumblr or AO3. Unbeta’d because this is for fun and escapism.

Tags: 

@onlyhenrys

@cavillryarchive

@summersong69

@titty-teetee

@bloodyinspiredfuck

@agniavateira

@oddsnendsfanfics

@omgkatinka

@thisismysecretthirstblog

@misslaland (apparently deactivated, idk what’s up with that)

@speakerforthedead0

@tumblnewby

@suavechops

@radkesgirl83

@wheretheriversrunintothesea

@heartfelt-pen

@auds24

@geekycanuck 

@lunarstarknight

@wilma-g 

@coldmuffinbanditshoe

Hope I’m not forgetting anyone! If you want to be notified when I post a new chapter or work, I’ll be happy to add you to my tag list! Stricken blogs are getting personal messages from me when a new chapter is uploaded because Tumblr’s faulty tagging system will not stand in the way of me delivering what the people want!(?) lol! (Although…their lackadaisical notification system might…sorry for that. I have no control. lol!)

X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@X@

Previously, in Virginia…

"Shane left work Monday and hasn't been back since. No one has seen her. Apart from you, I presume. "

"I haven't seen her in about a week and a half. I'm training out of state for a job. I've been away from my phone since Monday, and I just got back to it now."

"She isn't…with you? I assumed…"

"Well, you know what they say, Susan. I'm coming back early if I can manage it. See if I can do something to help find her."

Three days earlier, in Missouri…

Shane blinked her eyes open to little avail. She couldn't tell where she was, other than what seemed to be the back seat of a fairly new-model large vehicle, like a Suburban or a Tahoe. She thought it was new because the new car smell was still overpowering the nicotine and tobacco odor of at least one of its occupants. She could also smell the sickly sweet stench of artificial cherry permeating the cabin. The source must be very close to her nose as she lay there helplessly restrained while the vehicle jostled down the road. The smell reminded her of the horrible liquid pain reliever her mother would give her as a child when she had a fever or leg pains. She had taken enough of it then to make her averse to most cherry flavorings as an adult. She wanted to retch.

She could also make out the faint glow of a dashboard lit with LED lights, brighter and softer than those of older models. But she soon had to shut her eyes again. Her head was throbbing and her memories were fuzzy. She remembered very little of Monday…was it still Monday? But she was trying to think, despite the pounding of many drums in her cranium where a brain should be.

She remembered staying at work late to finish notes. She remembered heading home…and she remembered forgetting her phone at her desk and deciding to turn around to get it…when suddenly she was surrounded by vehicles and unable to move without having an accident. Had she known the circumstances then, she would have tried to muscle through. The horrific events came flooding back in traumatic flashes like lightning, or the pulse of passing streetlights in an unfamiliar city.

She remembered…

The glass by her left ear shattered. A hooded, hulking figure reached in through the new opening, fumbling for the handle to open the door. She'd had the presence of mind to fight back there. To punch at the probing extremity. But the extremity hit back, landing a solid smack against her left cheek, stunning her for long enough that the cruel apparition found the unlock button, pressed it, and opened the door. She didn't go quietly. She fought like the hellcat her mother always told her to be. Her foot found the odd solar plexus and groin before enough dark nemeses arrived to overpower her. They dragged her away from her car and out onto the pavement of the church parking lot she'd used to turn around. She did not make it easy for them. She kicked and punched and tried to twist out of their grips like vices. She yelled "fire" as she was taught as a young woman, not knowing the men's intentions, but certain they weren't kind, and knowing that yelling "rape" was not always effective at summoning help. Either way, it didn't matter. She could have shouted anything. No one was near enough, or cared enough, to come to her aid. As soon as her soft hands hit the gritty pavement, though, the violence intensified. She lost count of how many times she got kicked in the back, stomach, ribs. One asshole even kicked her in the tit. She'd find out who that was and he'd find himself in a special brand of pain…if she ever got out of this alive. She heard them calling her awful names that she was sure she hadn't earned, and especially not from these guys. About six of them, she thought. She hardly knew six guys. She certainly didn't know six guys that would want her roughed up like this. She heard one of the men start to say "Come on, guys, we better save some for--" and with that, she blacked out to the tune of the distinct "thunk" of a wooden baseball bat making contact with the back of her head.

She wanted to forget…for it to be a terrible nightmare…to wake up.

But she was awake. This was a waking nightmare. The cold leather on her cheek was made colder by the harsh air conditioning blowing toward her from above and below. She shivered from the chill and from the terror she was trying to suppress. Where were they taking her? For what purpose? And for whom were they leaving parts un-bruised…though it didn't feel like it.

She finally felt them slowing, heard a turn signal clicking, the courtesy of which she applauded despite her position in the active abduction taking place, and felt the gentle displacement of her body toward the driver side, knocking her head into the door. A right turn. Not that it would matter too much, but at least when she escaped, and she made herself think "when" and not "if," she would know which direction to turn to get back to town.

The blow to the head had left her sensitive to light and sound. As she was yanked from the back seat, all she could see was the glow of a dusk to dawn light above them. Normally a soft, guiding light, this one just as well have been the sun itself the way it stung her tender eyes. She squinted against it, thankful as she never would have thought to be, when a shroud was placed over her throbbing head. She could still hear the power coursing through the bulb and fixture, though. Normally a dull hum, in the state she was in, it was as loud as accidentally switching your TV to the snow channel at full volume.

"Bring 'er inside." She heard an unfamiliar male voice say.

Two strong, ruthless hands grabbed her by the armpits, causing her to cry out in pain. Such a tender place to bear weight, and why even big strong Sy hated crutches…Sy. Would she ever see him again?

"Shut up, bitch, or we'll knock you out again." She believed them, and being fairly certain she had at least a mild  concussion, she wasn't sure what a second blow of an indeterminate velocity might do to her brain. She dealt with the stabbing pain as the men dragged her across what sounded like gravel, then grass, then something hard and smooth, maybe the slabs of an old, sunken, and somewhat uneven footpath. Soon, she felt the pain of her knees hitting what she assumed were porch steps. One, two, three of them. She was trying to concentrate through the fog now setting in, and maintain consciousness. Paying attention to the sensations, she told herself, was not only helpful for that task, it might help her escape. Remember the scents, too, she reminded herself. She tried to shake off the nauseating cherry and cigarette stench from her olfactory glands and take note of the bouquet around her.

Burnt leaves…gasoline…engine grease…the tang of sappy, just cut firewood…straw…manure…this seemed to be a farm. With a barn nearby…perhaps with horses. She loved horses. If she could find a gentle horse in the night…escape might be easier than she'd anticipated.

Entering the house was a noisy affair. There was a metallic keening from the spring of an aluminum screen door. She imagined it had one of those big swirly cross beams like her grandma's used to have that she always though was supposed to resemble a butterfly. A heavier, wooden door creaked open as the three figures muddled their way in, and the floorboards protested, as well, at the weight of her captors. So, she thought, not only a farm house, but an old farm house.

"Where do you want her?" the man on her left asked into what she only knew as the void, so far.

"Take her to the cellar. I've got things set up down there." a familiar voice chuckled and growled. How did she know the voice? Was he a patient? She couldn't think of anyone she'd treated that would want her abducted and brutalized.

"You got it, E." Ugh, for some reason it bothered her when guys referred to each other by their first initials. Girls, no big deal. But bros…there was something so thoroughly douchey and…familiar about it all…

"Hold on." the man called "E" said, and she heard footfalls approaching her. As he got closer, she smelled…patchouli and incense…and the sea…and it brought back a rush of pain from past trauma followed by literal pain from his punch to her gut. She hadn't been expecting it. Obviously. The wind had been taken out of her. Literally and figuratively. She did know this man…all too well.

"We've got some catching up to do, sweetheart." the pet name dripped like venomous honey from the tongue of the snake before her.

"Elliot." it wasn't a question. She coughed the name out like a pill that had gone down sideways.

Her escorts continued their transportation of her prone body to its destination…she didn't want to think FINAL destination, but the more she learned about her situation, the more she worried that she wouldn't make it out alive.

They had to get creative in carrying her down the narrow staircase to the cellar. They argued for a moment about who would take the top half and who would go backwards.

"How about the one who takes my top half goes forward and the bottom half goes backward?" These idiots. Where did Elliott find clowns like this who needed to be told by their prisoner the best way to sort out their domestic dispute.

She thought she felt them shrug, and silently take her advice as she felt herself being lowered down the stairs, feet first, panic threatening to overtake her restrained limbs.

When they got to the bottom of the stairs, they stood her up to remove her shroud, and cut the zip ties from around her ankles and wrists. She then noticed a small cell that reminded her of the ones in the sheriff's offices in some westerns she'd seen. She started to freak out, anticipating her future in that horrid place.

"Guys, please. No. Please don't do this. I don't know what Elliott's told you about me, but I'm a good person. I don't deserve this. I have a job and friends and a family who will worry sick about me. I am begging you to let me go. Please!"

"You're wasting your breath, lady." one of the men said, gruffly.

"PLEASE!" she appealed, desperate to get through. "Don't you guys have wives or girlfriends? Mothers, sisters, aunts, or female cousins? What if a woman you cared about was in this situ---" and before she could finish the question, one of the men punched her for what felt like the thousandth time tonight. She fell to her knees, vomiting. And the world went black again.

~~~~~~~

There were no windows. There was no clock. There was just a small twin mattress in one corner of the cell, and a bedside commode in the other. As accommodations went, it was hardly a Hilton, but it could have been worse. It was all lit by a 60-watt bulb in one of those hanging fixtures her dad had always called a trouble light situated on a hook on the side of one of the exposed joists outside the cell. He'd had a similar one for the longest time. He and mom will be worried sick before long, if they aren't already, she thought. The light was aptly named for these circumstances she was in. Trouble. A heap of it. And no idea of how to get out of it.

And honestly, no idea why Elliott would want her here. How he could do such a monstrous thing as having her kidnapped. How he came to live in this place when he never worked a day in his life. She was so confused. She hoped at the very least, he'd give her answers before he murdered her, if that was his plan.

She had woken up on her side, almost her stomach, with her right cheek on the scratchy surface of the bare mattress. Whoever put her to bed had been wise to position her like this given the likelihood that she might puke again. She noticed a small bucket, presumably for that purpose, next to the mattress. There was a caseless pillow next to her head, but she hadn't found that comfort during her nap of…she couldn't tell how long. Not that it mattered. The more she slept, the less time she'd have to process this horror movie she was currently living out.

She heard the door open at the top of the stairs and Elliott shout at one of his flunkies, "What do you MEAN you didn't get her phone?" a pause while indistinct words came from said flunky across the room, or maybe the house. "Well, find it. Tear that piece of shit Explorer apart if you have to. I want that phone." She took exception to her sweet little Norah getting called a piece of shit. That was her Millennium Falcon. And yes, she'd gotten flack for naming her Norah the Explorer, but she didn't care.

Elliott stomped down the stairs, grinning the most infuriatingly happy grin she'd ever seen on him. She wanted to maul him. To tear those stupid eyes out of their sockets with her own fingernails. But she controlled her anger and resisted even acknowledging his greeting of "Hey, sweetheart."

She ignored him.

"It's good to see you."

Silence.

"I missed you."

She stared right through him.

"I heard you and that meat head soldier broke up."

She scowled at him.

"There she is. There's my girl."

"I'm not your girl, Elliott, and I haven't been in years. Why am I here?" She broke. She couldn't take it.

"We'll get to that why soon enough. First, let's talk about why you and Cap'n Crunch are no longer breakfasting together? Soggy cereal? Limp toast? Was he letting you leave the table unsatisfied?"

"As if you ever satisfied me when we were together." She spat back, calling Elliott out on his notorious selfishness in all aspects of life and relationships.

"I've changed."

"Bullshit." she rolled her eyes.

"It's true!" he insisted. "I can give you references."

"I honestly don't give a shit. We're not together. Sy and I are. Happily. And you better let me go soon. He was expecting me at his place after work. He's probably out looking for me right now." she lied. It was worth a shot.

"Now it's my turn to call bullshit, because I know that isn't true." He looked at her with that patronizing stare he had.

"You don't know shit, Elliott."

"I know that your boy took off over a week ago for Virginia and hasn't come back, at least not the way he left. I believe he's supposed to be gone at least a few weeks. Maybe a couple of months. He wasn't sure at last report."

She was literally willing him to burst into flames before her. Her gaze revealed her hand.

"Told ya. You think you're the only one with connections at the fort? I've got me a sweet little sergeant who works in ATC over there. She can out-squat anyone else on base…and let me tell you, it shows." he lifted his eyebrow, lasciviously.

"You disgust me."

"Why? You never seemed to mind my…sexy imagination." he winked at her.

"No, I'm happy that you're getting it good on the regular from an ass that won't quit. But come on. You clearly only got with this girl because you thought it would give you the upper hand against me."

"Well, that's very self-absorbed thinking."

"Really, Elliott? Do you see where we are right now?" they looked around at the dank cellar and he shrugged, unable to deny or rebut. "And this woman. Does she know about this little scheme?"

He gave her one of his more evil grins. "Who do you think kicked you in the tit?" Okay…she was new levels of pissed off now.

"Why…the actual FUCK am I here, Elliott!?"

"Well, Shane, you embarrassed me with that little stunt at the bar a few weeks ago. You thought you were hot shit, parading your sasquatch of a boyfriend around in front of me, in my town, humiliating me as all of my friends watched. And then that dickhead sucker punched me in the parking lot. I shoulda pressed charges. But him being a veteran, I knew how that woulda gone in this town. I didn't have a snowball's chance. So I waited. And I planned. And I was patient. And I watched for my moment. And it finally came. I've been watching you leave work every night for the past week, and you're always with someone, or headed somewhere else, or going straight home. Last night…last night I knew was the night when you didn't leave until after 7. You were the last one out, and I knew that it had to be then. The plan, not that you need to know, is to plaster your social media with humiliating photos, piss off everyone that you love, including your precious Sy, and alienate everyone you've ever cared about until you're miserable and alone."

Shane was crying now. She thought she might be sick again. She reached for the bucket. The delusion of this man thinking that anyone in that bar besides maybe the ones that were there with him that night gave a shit about him. Thinking that the town was his. He was a nobody there. He hadn't grown up there, he didn't work there, he didn't participate in community events. He was kidding himself if he thought anyone cared enough about him that he should feel shame over her relationship with Sy, especially five years after their relationship with each other had ended.

"How's that for a 'why,' sweetheart?" he boasted.

"It's making my ask myself a lot of questions. Like why I ever agreed to go out with you all those years ago. Why I didn't see the signs that you were a psychopath sooner. And why I put up with your terrorism for so long thinking you'd ever really change. I can't believe I ever slept with you, you absolute barbarian." and she heaved into the bucket, non-productively. She hadn't eaten since lunch, and that had to be well over twelve hours ago.

"Well, ya did. And ya can't change the past. But I'm about to take your future into my hands. As soon as we find your phone, we're gonna have us a ball, little girl."

"You honestly think I'll cooperate with any of that?"

"You won't have a choice." he held up a little glass vial. "Morphine. A tiny dose of this stuff, and you'll do anything I tell ya."

"Please. Just let me go now, and I won't press charges. I won't go to the cops, at all. I'll call in to work with a headache, or something and you can live your life with Sergeant Squats and we can leave each other alone."

"A good offer, but I need to get something out of this. I need my pride back."

"And you're gonna get that by dragging me through the mud online from my own Facebook account? Is that really the way you wanna do this? When you could just show me what a great life you've built for yourself. This is a great place here, it seems, I mean, I only smelled it, and felt how big it was while I was getting dragged around the place. But, Elliott, if you had just told me about all this, I would have been happy for you!"

"This place is Sasha's."

"Oh." she grasped for something, anything to make him see how insane he was being without saying the words. "Well, I'd still have been happy for you finding an established woman with a great job. Why couldn't you have just written me a letter telling me that? An email! Something."

"This is how it's getting done, Shane. Because this is the only way that truly ruins your life in the process. Because at the end of all of this, the backlash is going to be too much for you, and you're not going to be able to handle this life anymore…"

"No. Elliott, no."

"Yes. You're gonna take one last hit of the morphine and drive that shitty Ford right into the lake."

"You used to care about art. About beauty. You used to be sensitive. You used to have a soul. What happened, Elliott? What happened to your humanity?" Shane asked, crying, in mourning for the man he used to be. The one that she used to care for.

"I fell in love. And she broke my heart. And nothing has been the same."

"Elliott, I didn't mean to…"

"Oh, fuck, not you, don't be stupid. No, Kara. I met her right after you kicked me out, and SHE broke my heart." he  turned and started up the stairs, pausing to look over his shoulder and say, "I'll be back when I have your phone. And I'll bring friends." before he ascended, shutting the door firmly behind him.

She had never been so relieved to NOT have her phone in her life. Hopefully, her coworkers had it safe and sound, and locked up at work.

Up Next: Chapter 15-Recon

#netflix sand castle #Sand Castle #captain syverson #Captain Syverson x OFC #captain syverson fanfic #sigh for sy #henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill x ofc #this is either a bit angsty or it will give you angst it is hard to say

[manicdean]

Taang Week Day 2: Modern AU

“Thursday, never looking back,”

[ @taangweek​ Day 2: Modern AU

After only two weeks of spring semester, Aang is fed up and ready to drop his geology class.]

A/N: i wanna redo this and make it better and i really struggled with the world-building here ngl so I couldn’t really come up with good names for the buildings or profs.  what can you do¯\_(ツ)_/¯  Inspired by tumblr user @rllyjohnrlly’s modern au, specifically this post.

Read on AO3

***

Science, as Aang was learning, was absolutely not what he had thought it would be.  When he was still in high school, he excitedly declared a zoology major on all of his college applications, thinking he would turn his love for animals into a lifelong career.

All it took was his first college-level biology class to quickly bury that idea.  Between that and chemistry for non-majors, he felt resigned to the idea that all science classes were a bad idea for him, and that he’d better just pick the easiest one in the catalog to round out his general requirements.  Which is how he found himself enrolled in the Introduction to Geology class his freshman spring semester.  He’d learned the three types of rocks and the basics in high school, how hard could it be?

(the answer was very hard)

(but slightly less hard than biology)

After the second week of class, he sat on the floor of Katara’s dorm, textbook draped across his lap as she sat at her desk, diligently working on her homework.  She really excelled at the very classes that almost killed him and he admired that about her.

“Ugh!” Aang groaned, slamming his textbook shut and throwing his head back onto her bed.   “Katara, this is awful.” 

She set her pen down and shifted in her chair to face him, the look on her face one of confusion and concern.  “What’s the matter?” 

“I can’t do this!  I hate this class,” he replied, pressing his palms into his eyes.

“Aang, what are you talking about?  You can’t hate a class already, we’re only two weeks into the semester!  What could possibly be so bad about it now?” Katara asked, getting up from her chair and walking over to sit across from him.

He sighed and let his hands fall back into his lap.   He rolled his head to look at her.  “Because it’s awful!  I knew it probably wouldn’t be much fun, but I thought at least it would be pretty easy.  And it’s not!  It’s so hard and so boring and the professor is the most lame professor I have ever met.” 

(she couldn’t help but smirk at that)

“Okay, well, you’re not going to find a class that’s easy, especially in your weakest subject.  It’s just not going to happen.  Maybe it’ll get more interesting after the first few chapters.  Those are always just introductory anyway, they’re way more boring than the rest of the class.” She could see he wasn’t convinced and added, “The drop period was over Friday, anyway, so if you’re going to take a withdrawal, you might as well wait until after the first test.  Maybe it won’t be as hard as you’re expecting.” 

Aang sighed.  She was right.  He hated when she was right.  “Fine.  I’ll stick it out through the first test, but can we please take a study break now?”

***

Thursday morning, Aang walked into the lecture hall, trying his best not to drag his feet.  It took all of his determination that morning to make his way to class instead of staying holed up in his dorm, playing video games until he got hungry.  But he’d promised Katara and he knew he would get an earful if he broke his promise.  Maybe if he just pretended he was Katara for a period, he’d have more ease with the class.  Katara wouldn’t sit in the back, as was his first impulse, she would sit in the very first row.

He compromised and sat about four rows back.  Earbud in one ear, he set his notebook on the table and pulled out his phone, scrolling through the texts from his friends that he’d missed on his walk.  He didn’t notice when a dark-haired girl sat in the seat next to him until she tapped on his notebook.  Startled, he yanked out the earbud and looked at her.  “Um, hello?”

The girl looked at him 

(he couldn’t help but notice how pale her eyes were and the weird quality to her gaze that he couldn’t pinpoint)

and said, “You normally sit all the way in the back.  What are you doing up here now?  We haven’t even had a test.  Did you get in trouble or something?” 

His cheeks felt warm and he knew he was blushing.  “No, I just felt like maybe I’d learn better closer to the front.  This stuff has been kind of hard for me so far, I guess.” 

The look on her face was a little unsettling, like she was staring straight through him.  She finally shrugged, turning away from him.  “What’s so hard about geology?”

“I don’t know.   I guess science classes just don’t come very easily to me.”

“Well lucky for you, geology is, like, as easy as they get,” she said.  He didn’t feel especially reassured, but smiled a little anyway.

“So what you’re saying is you’ll help me study?”  Aang asked sheepishly.

She snorted, but replied, “Maybe I will.  What’s your major, anyway?”  

“Oh, um,” he stuttered, feeling the redness in his face deepening and rubbing his neck in embarrassment.  “I was a zoology major, but right now I’m undeclared.” He wanted to ask her the same question, wanted suddenly to know everything about this brazen, somewhat guarded girl who had sat next to him (and had noticed that it was not his normal seat), but was cut off by the professor calling the class’s attention to the lectern.

***

Seventy-five painstaking minutes of trying

(and failing) 

to pay attention to the powerpoint in front of him instead of the dark-haired girl leaned back in the seat next to him later, the class was dismissed.  The girl had stood, grabbing her bag, and Aang panicked for a moment, trying to think of something to say.  He finally settled on asking if he could walk her to her next class.

She paused, turning her head towards him.  “Well, it’s all the way over in the Humanities building.”

“That’s okay, that’s on the way to my dorm, and I don’t have another class for an hour, anyway.” He swore he saw her smile as she rolled her eyes and said, “Fine.  You can walk with me.” 

They talked the whole way there, never seeming to run out of topics.  He was disappointed at how short the walk felt, having so much more to ask her.  He’d found out she was an architecture major with a lifelong special interest in geology, lived in the freshman dorms by the Physical Sciences lecture hall, and that despite being blind, she was as in-tune with her surroundings as anyone.  It was only after they said their goodbyes that he realized he’d never learned her name.

***

Her name, as it turned out, was Toph.

Every Tuesday and Thursday over the next three weeks, they sat next to each other and Aang walked her to her next class.  He actually found motivation to study his notes for the first time, if only for the fact that the recordings she shared with him featured their conversations in the background of the lecture.  

Once, he had been running late after sleeping through his alarms, and while his first impulse had been to go back to sleep and skip his first class of the day, he bolted out of bed and rushed to get dressed, worrying that someone would take his seat next to Toph.

(or worse, she wouldn’t even notice)

He nearly ran all the way across campus.  Heart pounding, he snuck through the doorway as the professor lectured on and slipped into his usual seat next to Toph.  She lifted her head; something he couldn’t quite place flashed over her face.

(relief?)

“Finally decided to show up, huh?” she whispered.

He started to explain himself, but stopped short, deciding on a better way to embarrass himself.  “Yeah.  I got caught up trying to figure out why you’re so good at this class.” 

“Did you figure it out?” 

“It’s because you don’t take anything for granite.”  He looked over to catch the way the corner of her lips tugged upwards through the taken-aback look on her face.

“That was awful.  Don’t do that again,” she hissed at him.

“Okay, okay,” he conceded, chuckling to himself.  “You know what I would’ve been if I hadn’t shown up today?” 

“What’s that?”

“A skipping stone.” 

The irritated expression she wore intensified, fending off the smile he so desperately wanted to see.  “Seriously, you have got to stop doing that.  I don’t like puns, especially when they’re that bad.” 

“My sediments exactly.”  He almost expected her to hit him, but was delighted to hear a giggle escape.  A warm feeling spread through his chest and he knew then that he would spend every last moment he had for the rest of her life trying to make her laugh again.

***

“You guys!” Aang exclaimed, slamming the door to Sokka’s apartment closed a little harder than he had meant to.  He continued into the living room, all but throwing himself onto the couch next to Katara without so much as a “hello” to her, Sokka, or Suki.  “I had the most amazing date today.” 

Sokka looked up from where he sat, getting his hair braided, between Suki’s legs.  “You had a date?  With who?” 

“Was it that girl from your geology class?” Katara asked. 

“Yes!  Her name is Toph and I finally got her number and we’ve been talking, like, non-stop,” he blurted all at once.

“Slow down!” Katara giggled.  “Are you going to tell us about the date?” 

“Right, so I’ve sat next to her in geology since I’ve been wanting to do better in that class.  That’s been a bad idea as far as paying more attention, but spirits, it’s been the best.  I was almost late this morning because I slept through my alarms.”  Seeing the admonishing look on Katara’s face, he added, “I actually got up as soon as I realized and went to class, don’t worry, Momtara.  Anyway, I got to class just as the prof was starting the powerpoint, and when I first walked in, I was worried someone else might have taken the seat next to her that I’ve been sitting in, but no one had.  And she actually seemed like she was looking for me.  I mean, she can’t see, but still, when I finally got there and sat down, I swear it looked like she was happy to see me.” 

Not leaving room for Sokka to make a disparaging joke, Aang recounted the jokes he’d told her,

(which he definitely stayed up several nights in a row to come up with) 

how she’d acted like she’d hated them, but he’d caught her snickering a few times.  

“So you asked her out after class?” Suki asked.

Aang blushed and ran a hand through his short hair.  “Not exactly.”  He held up his hands in protest of his friends’ exclamations.  “I always walk her to her next class because it’s on the way to my dorm and I always want to keep talking to her.  Well, we get all the way to the Humanities building and she looks at me and says, ‘I don’t really feel like going to this class today.’” 

“She skipped class?” Suki asked with a mock-scandalous tone.  “Maybe you two are meant for each other.” 

“I know!” Aang said, ignoring the jab entirely.  “And, Katara, don’t give me that look.  I would have convinced her to go to class, but the opportunity was there and I couldn’t pass up taking her to lunch.” Grinning, he told them about how Toph had loosened up while they ate, even agreeing to try his favorite vegan restaurant in the main commons, how cute she was when she smiled at him.  She had even agreed to a study date the following night.

He couldn’t wipe the smile from his face when he asked, “So would you guys be okay if she came to hang out with us this weekend?” 

#ok sorry im on mobile the read more broke #taang #atla #taang week #taangweek #taang week 2020 #my fics

[heartbreaknow]

Vampire!Peter Imagine

I’ve been sitting on my vampire!Peter imagine for a couple of months now, thinking about whether there’s any chance I might want to turn it into an actual fic, ever. But this week seems to be vampire!Starker week on tumblr (\o/), so I’m just gonna post the damn thing before I completely miss the boat. 

NOTE: This takes a bit to get dirtysexy y’all, but it gets there eventually. This has been my one effort at self-promotion. That is all. 👍

~

The way it starts is: Peter gets bitten by something while on an Avengers mission in space. (Ever since the whole situation with Thanos, space missions have become a thing they occasionally do, much to Peter’s delight and Tony’s…whatever the absolute furthest thing from delight is.) So there they are, trekking through an oddly echo-less cave on some alien planet, and suddenly some kind of creature—smallish and not overly threatening—bites Peter and then skitters away into the darkness before he can even get a look at it.

By the time they get back to the ship, Peter can’t find any trace of a mark from the bite, and he’s not even sure how something could bite through his suit anyway, and honestly, Peter’s not sure he didn’t just imagine it.  Maybe something in his suit just went haywire for a second and jabbed him. That could happen, right?

~

The Avengers return from the mission and everything is fine for a couple of days.

But then Peter begins feeling mysteriously light-sensitive and feverish, and by the time a week has passed he finds himself developing a…craving. At first, he can’t even put his finger on what it is he’s craving, but over time it begins to distill into a strange, relentless kind of hunger, and a corresponding urge to- well- bite people. (The first time Peter notices it, he’s in the lab with Mr Stark, and it goes away when he leaves the lab. But pretty soon its become a constant nagging hunger.)

Peter tries to ignore it for as long as possible, kind of downplaying it to himself and assuming it’ll pass, because it’s just too weird to really be happening. But the longer it goes on, the sicker he feels, and the hungrier he gets.

Until one night, nearly two weeks after the space mission, Peter finds a lost dog while he’s dragging himself weakly through his nightly patrol. The dog has an ID tag, so he catches it, with the intent of returning it to its owners—but then everything gets kind of weird in his head, and he goes into some kind of trance and drinks the dog’s blood. Which is horrifying, obviously, and also just objectively super gross.

Clearly, ignoring the blood-thirst and denying there’s a problem isn’t working.

(Also, even though the dog’s blood satisfies the obsessive hunger that’s been building in him for days, it tastes foul and gives him a massive stomach ache.)

 ~

So Peter, who is now very much freaking out, goes straight to Tony and explains the symptoms he’s experiencing. At first he kind of hedges a little, and doesn’t immediately tell Tony about the dog, because he can’t bear for Mr Stark to look at him with disgust. Unfortunately, that leads to Mr Stark not really getting how serious it is. He just makes a Lucy the vampire bride joke, and suggests it’s some kind of spidey version of Pica; asks how Peter’s nutrition is; tells Peter he’s a growing superhero, and he can’t subsist on ramen and Gatorade alone.

Until finally Peter blurts out, “Idrankadog’sblood!”

It’s kind of a showstopper.

Tony’s like, “Um, excuse me, you—you killed a dog?”

Peter is instantly aghast. “What? No! Oh my god, no, I just…bit it…some. And then I found its owners.” And then, after a second’s pause: “Oh god, what if the dog is a vampire now? And I just left it with that nice family! I’ve gotta go warn them!” 

~ 

As it turns out, the dog is not a vampire. But Peter…kind of is?

Apart from the dog-biting incident, Peter has also suddenly grown a pair of retractable fangs, his pupils react weirdly to light, and when stimulated, his fangs disgorge a small amount of some kind of venom—the properties of which they are working on isolating.

As soon as they prove there is in fact something happening to Peter, Tony is immediately adamant they will find a cure for whatever it is. But the first couple days of tests yield no real answers, and by then Peter is getting hungry again.

That’s about the time they discover Peter vomits up bagged blood pretty violently. So that’s Plan A off the table.

~

When Peter starts looking sallow and jittery, and Tony notices him chewing his own lip until it bleeds and then licking up the blood, Tony thinks, Fuck it, and goes out and buys him a nice, robust-looking American Bulldog. PETA can sue him.

Peter tries to refuse Mr Stark’s, uh, provision, but his protests are weak. He’s so hungry. It doesn’t take long before he gives in.

Unfortunately, dog blood doesn’t work so well the second time around. This time, the taste is so foul Peter can barely keep it down, and what’s worse, within minutes of feeding he’s doubled over with the worst stomach pain of his life 

They try a couple other types of animals, with the same results: nauseating flavor and crippling stomach pain.    

So alright, Plan B is maybe not as viable as they thought it was, either.

~

Peter puts on a brave face, and insists that it’s fine, he doesn’t need to eat. He can tough it out, at least for a little while longer. But after another couple of days, he looks like death warmed over, and Tony suspects he doesn’t feel much better than he looks.

Also, Peter starts keeping at least a couple of steps between himself and Tony in the lab at all times. And when, out of habit, Tony gets close enough to give his shoulder a squeeze, Peter jerks away lightning fast, and Tony swears he sees a glint of something in Peter’s mouth, right before he clamps it shut.  

So yeah, Tony’s worried about him.

~

The fifth morning without blood, Peter doesn’t show up in the lab.

Worried, Tony goes to check on him.

He barely makes it three steps into Peter’s room before he finds himself pinned to Peter’s bedroom door, with a black-eyed, fangy Peter leaning into him, panting and staring at his neck.

This new Peter, with his needle-sharp cuspids, and his demonic-possession eyes, should be terrifying—and it’s not that he isn’t, per se. It’s just that he’s Peter. And Tony remembers how Peter didn’t kill the dog either time he fed, even though he must’ve been pretty damn desperate the first time. So instead of trying to get free, or snap Peter out of it, Tony looks Peter right in his black, iris-less eyes, and says, “Okay, kid. Mealtime,” and tilts his head to the side, baring his neck. Then he reaches up, and guides Peter down.

~

Being bitten is incomparable to anything Tony’s ever felt before. It’s weird, and unnerving, and intimate, and probably incredibly dangerous. And Tony really, really wishes it didn’t feel so goddamn good.

He has enough to feel guilty about as it is (his feelings for the kid are something he’s been studiously not looking too closely at for a while now). He really doesn’t need to add “My mentee’s in the middle of a serious health crisis and I can’t stop thinking about what it felt like to have him latched onto my neck like the world’s hottest leech” to his laundry list of mental depravity.

~

When Peter’s head clears after the feeding, he freaks out and basically flees the tower, horrified at what he’s done.

A couple hours later he’s back again, looking defeated and miserable, and not meeting Tony’s eyes. He realizes he can’t be trusted to be among the general population unmonitored until they know more about his condition. And if whatever is wrong with him gets worse and they need to lock him up, the tower and the compound are the only places with rooms that can reliably contain him.

~

The second time Peter feeds from Tony, Tony suggests that Peter try feeding from his wrist instead. It’s mainly for his own sanity that he makes the suggestion, but outwardly he reasons that wrist feeding is probably safer and more comfortable for them both. Peter nods quietly and agrees, eyes meeting Tony’s and then quickly skittering away.

Tony does find the sensation somewhat less overwhelming when Peter feeds from his wrist instead of his neck—but only somewhat. It still feels bizarrely, almost maddeningly good, like somehow Peter’s feeding has turned his wrist into an erogenous zone. Or possibly his entire body.  

~

Peter and Tony quickly find themselves falling into a routine: research, data collection, tests, and feedings.

Peter will hold off from feeding until his pupils begin to dilate and his skin gets sallow, and the way he looks at Tony as he moves around the lab begins to take on a sharp, slightly animal quality. Then, when Tony is pretty sure Peter’s desperate enough to actually give in, he says, very clearly, very directly, “Kid, come here,” and gestures Peter over with a jerk of his head that’s a hell of a lot more casual than he feels. And just like that, Peter goes to him.

At first, Tony thinks the feeling of Peter feeding from him might become less intense once he gets used to it, but it doesn’t work out that way. A bit the opposite, truthfully.

After a couple of weeks, Tony finds himself fixating: on Peter’s mouth, on his pliant lips and his defined jaw, on he way it hinges open over Tony’s pounding pulse-point. He finds himself growing to love the way Peter ends up curled around his arm every time he feeds, his side pressed against Tony’s front, tucked in close, shoulder to sternum. Generally Tony has to find something to brace against, or Peter will push him off balance with the force of his hunger.

Tony finds that the site where Peter has bitten him begins to feel hot and over-sensitive constantly, but especially right before a feeding. Like there’s too much blood too close to the surface.

Tony finds himself wanting to give Peter what he needs over and over again. Craving it, even.

But Peter’s made it pretty clear that no matter how much this thing in his head enjoys feeding, he himself hates it, and is intent on doing it as infrequently as possible. (Peter’s never overtly said he hates it, not in so many words, but the way he refuses to feed until he’s famished, and the tense, nervous way he looks at Tony whenever it’s  getting close to meal time, is pretty eloquent.) And Tony can’t—won’t—allow himself to undermine Peter’s resolve about this. Not when the kid’s just trying to hang onto as much autonomy as he can while this thing runs roughshod over his hierarchy of needs.

So he watches Peter constantly, looking for signs of hunger—then forces himself not to say anything once he does see the signs. He makes himself wait while Peter works through the craving, hour after hour, his eyes getting slowly darker each time Tony catches one of his furtive glances. Until eventually Tony can’t stand it anymore.

When he unbuttons his shirt cuff and calls Peter to him, it’s all he can do to make it sound like a casual offer.

~ 

Tony hates himself for enjoying it—the feedings. For practically getting off on them. For literally getting off on them, later, when he’s by himself—his bruised, throbbing wrist shoved against his own mouth, tonguing lewdly at the place where Peter’s snake-like cuspids slid sharpnumbhot into his skin. Fuck. His other hand shoved down his boxers, jacking himself off to the thought of how Peter always clings to him as he feeds—how he struggles to stay lucid and only ever half succeeds. Tony tries not to think about Peter’s slippery tongue chasing a droplet of blood down his neck, the very first time he ever fed off Tony. He tries not to think about Peter’s mouth while he fucks furiously into his own fist, smothering a groan. Peter’s innocent mouth, smeared red and panting. Fuck, oh, fuck.

Tony hates himself for it, all of it. But he can’t stop.

- - - - END - - - -

It’s killing me to leave it here because I have so many more bullet point ideas written out for this imagine. But on the off chance I ever write some of this as an actual fic, I don’t want to have described the entire thing before hand. So I guess I’ll quit here.

But for context: I kind of like the idea of paired feeding being habit-forming for both parties. So like, not only does it feel really, really good, but over time they both start to get kind of physiologically addicted to it. 

I’m thinking maybe whatever weird-ass critter bit Peter, feeding is part of its mating ritual. Like, maybe it’s a symbiotic pair-bonding species that mates for life, and determines the suitability of its mate base on how well the blood-drinking half takes to the blood-providing half’s blood, and how well the blood-providing half responds to the blood-drinking half’s venom. (Yes, this is really putting the pseudo in pseudoscience. Just go with it?)

The problem for Peter and Tony is that, despite being profoundly compatible, they keep repeating the mating behavior over and over without resolution—thus causing things to kind of...escalate. 

#starker #starker imagine #peter x tony #vampire!peter #nff #not horror at all #but some light horror elements herein #sexy biological imperatives are my jam

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #321

i’m exploring the deepest recesses of tumblr to unearth super old surveys, so you can expect an onslaught of ‘em.

When someone is tailgating you, do you drive faster or slower? I drive the same speed, even though it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. What place outside of your own home do you spend the most time at? My sister's place. Have you ever been snorkeling? No. Do most of your relatives live in the same state/province as you? No; only my parents and immediate sisters live here. Have you ever participated in a medical study? No. Is there a food you hate that everyone else seems to like? Especially where I live, fried chicken. It's disgusting. Have you ever had to evacuate from a natural disaster? No. Do you have any family members who are cancer survivors? Numerous, actually. Do you have any licenses other than your driver's license? I don't even have a driver's license, never mind anything else. What job does you significant other have? I’m single. When you were in elementary school, what was a typical afternoon like once you got home from school? I did my homework right away; well, after having a snack. After that, I was most likely on the computer playing Neopets or Webkinz, or something on the PlayStation. Is your favorite movie part of a series? Yes. Have you ever played in a water puddle? Sure, as a kid. I loved that. Have you ever played in a mud puddle? I don't think so. Have you ever kissed someone (outside) in the rain? Yes. He did it purely to be romantic, lol. Have you ever lost control of your car in the rain? No, thank fuck. Have you ever had to attend summer school? No. Have you ever experienced a summer where the temperature exceeded 120'F/49'C? Yikes, no, not that high. The highest we usually get is below 110. Do you live in a hot or cold (normally) climate? Hot. It sucks. Has your community ever had a “smog alert”? No. Have you ever raked leaves, and then played in them? Oh, absolutely as a kid. Dad would rake a pile just for us kids. Have they ever cancelled school because it was too hot? At least once, yes. Have you ever had to shovel snow? No. Have you ever experienced “cat’s breath”, where the wind was so powerful it took your breath away, literally? Yep, especially when I visited Sara and we went on a walk. It was fucking outrageous. Safe to say I didn't last long on that walk. Has your/or have you been in a car that was stuck in a snowstorm? No. What does your MySpace profile look like? I haven't seen it since that site was still "a thing." I do remember, however, that it was COVERED in meerkats, haha. Pictures, facts, etc. And my page song was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmao. Do you like living in the country or city better? Country, 100%. I'm not a city gal by any means. Do you have a big backyard? No, it's very small. Not used to that at all. What is your favorite Adam Sandler movie? I don't know, he's in too many to choose lmao. What was the last thing that surprised you? Apparently a rocket crashed today after launch. What color hair did your first crush have? Brown. Have you ever visited your state’s capitol building? No. I... didn't even know those existed lmao I feel dumb. Who was the last person that said something that warmed your heart? I'm not sure, but I'm quite certain my niece or nephew would be involved there, haha. What is your favorite park? I don't have one. Have you ever felt an earthquake? No. Do you believe anyone is asexual? ???????????? Yes???????????? Were you abused? No. Have you ever missed a deadline? Yeah. Can you tell Mary-Kate and Ashley apart in pictures? I haven't seen them in an eternity, idk. Describe your fondest memory: I don't really want to... but I'll entertain the question. It's hard to choose, and they just about all include Jason. I think what I hold closest though was our dance to "Stairway to Heaven" after prom in the headlights of his car in my front yard. It's something that physically hurts to remember. What song makes you cry every time you hear it? Let's set aside my "trigger songs" for this. "Terrible Things" by Mayday Parade does it very easily. How often do you break your promises? I almost never do. I don't bullshit around with promises. I've only ever broken ones I'd forgotten I'd made, if my memory serves me right. How long do you take in the shower, on average? Not even 10 minutes. Do you have your MySpace/Facebook profile set to a "friends only" setting? Yes. Did your last kiss mean anything? Why or why not? Of course it did. I care very, very deeply for her. Are your summers usually boring and relaxing, or busy and interesting? "Summers are hot and miserable." <<<< mood Tell me a crazy thing you did as a child. I don't really think I did anything "crazy" as a child, just weird. Like pretending to be a father penguin arranging rocks to mock a nest. I was fuckin weird. How many best friends do you have? One. When you’re upset, who do you wanna talk to the most? Either Sara, Mom, or nobody. Opinion on Daughtry? They're nice. "No Surprise" is positively beautiful. Do you like country music? Noooooo. What’s been the most awkward situation you've been in? Okay, possible TMI. Basically, Jason's parents arrived home way, way earlier than they were supposed to and my panicky ass couldn't find my clothes quickly, and when I finally did, I had to dress as quickly as possible in his tiny-ass closet while he distracted his mom and dad lmfao. I'ma just say it was a very close call to me melting into a mortified puddle. I look back on it and laugh now, but the absolute, throbbing fear I felt was NOT funny back then lmfao. Don’t you love that feeling when you look at someone and you just melt? <3 That is genuinely one of the best feelings in the entire world. Do you prefer male or female singers? I have no preference. So what are you planning for this summer? Nothing, really... Who knows where the Covid situation will be then. What’s a good book? In general for absolutely anyone, Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. It is a book about pacifism that is so very deep and emotional. For women, I highly recommend The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. As a woman myself, the concept of the book is terrifying, to be reduced to reproduction machines without rights, so it's something you can really feel as a female. It's a book that definitely makes you want to fight for women's rights. Is it awkward for you when your parents talk to you about boys etc… No. I'm a grown woman. Now if she asked about my sex life (if I had one), I'd feel a bit weird, but not very. Do you like it when guys play with your hair? Yeah. Ever cried when you had to say goodbye to someone? Well of course. Over multiple people. Have your parents ever hated one of your boyfriends/girlfriends? No. Have you ever dreamt of someone you barely know? Indeed. Do you have a blood donor’s card? Yep. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I had to before surgery. Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No. What kind of doctor did you go to the last time you went? It was via phone, but I talked with my psychiatrist a few days ago. Does your ex still think about you? I'm sure Sara and Girt do, as they're my good friends, but idk if either think of me romantically. I would hope Jason at least remembers me with some degree of care in his heart... As for Juan, Aaron, and Tyler, idk if they do and I don't really care. What has been bothering you a lot lately? My weight. Are you trustworthy? I think so, yes. Did your parents teach that white lies were ok? Yeah, but it definitely depends on the situation. Which literary character would you dress up as, if you had to choose one? Speaking of The Handmaid's Tale, for Halloween one year, I really, really want to take some cool photos of me dressed as a handmaid with a (obviously fake) blood splatter over my stomach. What (or who) is the best thing that ever happened to you? Being born with the mom I have, probably. I have no idea. None. Of where I'd be without her. Do you miss college? Sigh, sometimes... but I'm not going back. No chance. Dropping out three times due to my mental state hints at a clear pattern. Have you ever called a teacher “mom”? Yeah, accidentally. Except with my physical science teacher in HS that eventually became my "other mom" and most recently our landlord, even. I call her "Mama" sometimes. What was the name of your first imaginary friend? It was a wolf whose name I don't remember. What color was your nursery when you were a baby? No clue. What is your favorite arcade game? I desperately wanna go to a location that has Silent Hill: The Arcade. :/ That's on my bucket list. It's very rare. Are you allergic to grass? No. Do you remember to water plants? I don’t have any plants to water. What is your favorite fall drink? I don't drink any "fall" drinks. Favorite winter drink? Hot chocolate! Favorite spring drink? There are "spring" drinks? Favorite summer drink? Gimme a nice, cold margarita. Name three creative people you know. Sara, Tez, and Mini are some of the most creative people I've ever written with. Name 3 YouTubers you aspire to be like. Mark in like a million different ways, I look up greatly to Jeffree Star's work ethic (say what you will about him personally, but holy shit does mama WORK), and Emzotic for her incredible growth after trauma that's left her more confident than ever, and she's amazing with animals and just a darling overall. Does anyone know who your current crush is? Yeah, I'm pretty open about it. Have you ever been scammed? Not successfully, no. Which song describes your life? I relate to "Get Up" by Mother Mother a lot at this point in my life. If someone dislikes you, what is most likely to be the reason? Probably because I open up so slowly/am very secretive of myself when someone might be trying to get close. People have also criticized my laziness. Where did you meet the last person you swapped numbers with? YouTube. At least I think Tez was the last person I gave my number to. Who was the last person to add you as a friend on Facebook? Hunter, my neighbor growing up. Who was the last person that asked if you were okay? My therapist. I had to leave group due to severe abdominal cramping. It was just my period, but he just wanted to check. What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? Probably a soda back when I was still in school. Has anyone given you butterflies recently? Actually yeah; I had a memory of Sara that caused 'em to revisit me. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them? I'm going to exclude my puppy-dog crush (Dylan) and talk about my first "real" crush, Sebastian. I liked him because we had very similar interests, he was really friendly, nice, and funny, and he clearly trusted me a lot because he actually confided in me regarding the relationship he was in that was struggling and causing him a lot of pain. I thought he was attractive, too. Ngl, I wonder sometimes where we could have gone if he hadn't been dating the girl, because I'm 90% sure he was into me, too. In current times, he very recently got engaged! Super happy for him. Which parent do you identify with the most? My ma. What do you think you cook or bake the best? Scrambled eggs, I guess. That's just about all I CAN make, haha. My family likes 'em. I always use American cheese, salt, pepper, and a bit of hot sauce. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people? Admitting I RP. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why? Of actually important things, gay rights. If we're talkin' passionate about anything, then the answer's meerkats, duh. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why? A rival photographer that lives here. I absolutely hate admitting that, but yeah, I'm extremely envious of her. She gets way more traffic than I do by a long shot, even though I, from a completely modest and honest standpoint, genuinely think I do better work than her. It's just frustrating. All about who you know in this business. How old is the most expired item in your fridge? Supposedly our milk expired on the 1st, but it smells just fine? And mind you, I am very cautious with expiration dates, and I've found milk typically starts to smell bad a few days earlier than the date to me. This jug is an outlier. What are your favorite style of underwear? I'm a fat old lady that likes high-waisted underwear. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard? Maybe "The Ballad of Dwight Fry" by Alice Cooper. I could name tons, though. How about the sweetest song? Maybe "Easy to Love You" by Theory of a Deadman. Another song I struggle to listen to because it was one of mine and Jason's "songs." Do you know how to play dominoes? No. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now? Not in the least. Why or why not? I'm just wasting time. Doing nothing with true meaning, and I seem unable to get over this low point I'm in. How many bones have you broken? One. Well, I was told "fractured," but apparently that's the same thing as broken? Have you ever won anything? Big or small? Yeah, multiple things. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat? Animals like cats or dogs. Pets, basically. I would feel WAY too weird. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before? Yes. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try? If I'm embarrassed by it, why would I share it with whoever reads these? What is the most important memory you have and why? When I decided it was truly time to move on from Jason. Why that's my most important is obvious: it changed my mindset and life in general. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did? God, I hope Jason read my apology email I last sent him. I finally accepted I did wrong, too, and I want to know that he knows that. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My youngest niece's first birthday was mid-February. What’s a musical instrument you think sounds really beautiful? The violin. Do you play that instrument? I wish I could. Do you have a favorite type of pasta? (like a shape of noodles, not dish) Just spaghetti noodles, ig. How many times a day do you brush your teeth? Once. Who sent the last e-mail you got? My PHP therapist sent me the Zoom link to our group session. Do you have a favorite shape? Out of basic ones, circles. What’s the last song you bought/downloaded? I don't recall. Probably something by 3TEETH. Have you ever been on a trapeze? Hell nah. Do you buy chocolate after Valentine’s Day when it goes on sale? No. Do you personally know anyone who is an author? I met a poet at the psych hospital once. I also have an old friend who had something published in a magazine, I think. Do you own a polaroid camera? No, but I'd love to to take more ~aesthetic~ photographs sometimes. What is something you think is underrated? Snakes! :( They're not scary or gross, nor do they in any way deserve to be killed. I wish the worth of snakes was seen much more clearly. They are spectacular, intriguing animals. Around what temperature do you consider it to be too hot outside? Once it hits like 65*F, I'm starting to feel uncomfortable. In what ways do you expect your life to be different one year from now? I hope beyond hope that I have a job I enjoy. And that I'm driving again. What’s a hobby you used to have, but don’t anymore? I used to loooove video editing, but I've lost all motivation for it. Do you have any exercise equipment in your home? Somewhere we have this one stretchy thing that I have no idea what it's called, then there are two sets of small weights somewhere. Where is the farthest north you’ve traveled to? New York. Farthest south? Florida. East? Well, ya can't go more east in NC unless you want to drive into the ocean... lol. West? Illinois. If you have/want children, will you raise them similar to the way you were raised? If I had kids, I would in some ways, but in a lot of other ways, no. Do you have any unusual decorations in your home? Nothing strange, no. What is the highest level math class you’ve completed? I don't know. Not very high. Do you have an ebook reader? (iPad, Kindle, etc.) No. What kind of natural disaster is most common where you live? Hurricanes. Have you ever had an animal get into your attic? No. When was the last time you started a “new chapter” of your life? 2017, ig. What is the last random act of kindness you did? I guess you could consider a loving text to Sara a random act of kindness?

#survey #surveys #questions

[spideytingle616]

Five Months

Masterlist / Part 2

*based on the five stages of grief*

Pairing: Peter Parker x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst, death, swearing, possible implications of anxiety/panic, mentions/implications of sexual activity, blood/injury

Description: The first time you touch your soulmate, you’re able to see a glimpse into your future. What happens if your future is also your end?

Chapter Summary: You and your best friend Peter Parker are having a study date. Upon learning that you’re soulmates, more secrets and truths are revealed, and you story might close before it even starts. (Takes place during “Homecoming”, give or take some plot details.)

Word Count: 7.7K (all text in bold and italics are thoughts)

A/N: Hello to whoever is reading this, happy holidays! This is my first ever story that I’ve ever written, and I’m excited but also super nervous to be sharing it. I’m not too sure about the ins and outs of writing or being on Tumblr in general, but I’ll try my best. Please enjoy and leave some comments if possible <3 

Month One, Denial: The Flashforward that Never Happened

“You think by now I would be able to write a stupid chemical equation,” you complained, throwing your hands up in exasperation and slumping into your bed.

Your best friend Peter lets out an airy laugh from your desk, not even looking at you. He was too busy with the book in front of him, making sure he remembered as much as he possibly could. You were having a big study session tonight to prepare for midterms. For the past couple of days, you, Ned, Peter, and occasionally MJ have all been hanging out to prepare. However, tonight you and Peter just wanted to study with each other. Not only were you two the only ones that could keep up with each other, but you were also best friends. Shoutout to your freshman physics teacher for pairing you two up, you’ve been inseparable ever since, despite what Ned might think. When it came down to it, you and Peter were each other’s number one.

“You can look at my notes for that chapter if you want, hopefully, they help.” Peter offered, but all you could do was let out a heavy sigh.

“I don’t know at this point; my wires are getting crossed. I’m fifty percent sure what I’m studying is chemistry. Can we please take a break or something?”

“Maybe later, I’m almost done with this section, can’t lose steam now,” Peter said as he continued to trudge on, not even blinking an eye at you.

You admired his determination, for a second it makes you think he might be the smarter between you two, but you would never say that to his face, no matter how cute it is. You couldn’t deny that your best friend was probably one of the most adorable people you’ve ever met, but that didn’t mean you liked him in that way. After all, you knew it would never happen. He’s not your soulmate.

Everyone is given a soulmate when they are born. A soulmate could be found by as simple as a touch. From a hug, a friendly high-five, or even an accidental check to the shoulder, you’d be able to find out who was made for you. After physical contact with your future partner, both people can see what the future holds for them. A quick glimpse, and you could see your happily ever after. You and Peter have been friends for about three years, meaning there have been plenty of opportunities for physical contact with each other, though you couldn’t exactly remember a specific one. It must’ve happened at one point though; if you had a romantic future with your best friend, surely you both would’ve realized by now.

However, even though you tried to push away any romantic thoughts, you just couldn’t resist every now and then. Since the start of this year, you started to pay closer attention to Peter. MJ taught you how to quietly observe, and you occasionally used these newfound skills on him, albeit with slight guilt. You started to notice when Peter’s curly hair got messy throughout the day, and you caught yourself watching as he struggles to keep it neat. You also noted how he had a habit of talking nonstop when he’s excited, probably trying to organize his sporadic thoughts. You felt a small flutter in your stomach when he smiled, and a slightly bigger one when he laughed at your jokes. Yet these moments didn’t mean anything to you. It was harmless. You knew when your soulmate came, you would instantly fall for them and forget all about the brunet. In the end, Peter would always just be your best friend. Nothing more.

Peter was the friend that you could confide everything to. There wasn’t a secret that you didn’t tell him, and you know he feels the same. You trusted each other with your lives. At least you thought so.

A few months ago, he got an internship at Stark Industries, something that you have been applauding him forever since. It was a great opportunity, and you were glad Peter was the one who got it. However, despite the achievement, you couldn’t help but be disappointed in his new schedule. He dropped marching band and robotics club for the internship, leaving you to fend for yourself in both activities. Peter has been having more late nights since then, causing him to fight his fatigue during the day. Most importantly, his internship left him canceling your plans last-minute, leaving you in the dust. The time spent together seemed to be shortening every day. You try to let it slide as you could only imagine the hectic schedule Tony Stark has, yet you still couldn’t exactly make out the sense of it all. Peter was a normal, although brilliant, kid. How important could an intern be?

You push those thoughts aside for today. Right now, he’s yours. Peter has been available all week for studying, so both of you took advantage of your time together. You realize that you’ve been staring at the back of Peter’s head this whole time, spacing out, but also admiring how focused he was. Even if he didn’t study, his classes were so effortless for him. You sat up, glancing at your friend one more time before returning to your worn-out notebook. Just as you were starting to focus, you hear police sirens race by your apartment. You ignore the noise as it quickly dies away and continue to look at your notes. However, Peter suddenly became tense, the hair on his arms prickling up.

He knew that he should go out and follow the emergency, but he couldn’t leave without warning. Peter starts to fidget with the pen in his hand, maybe the cops didn’t need Spider-Man tonight. As he was trying to ignore the sirens, he couldn’t help but run through a list of plausible excuses just in case. A few minutes pass and more police cars speed past the road.

Forget it, I just need an excuse.

“Sorry Y/N, Mr. Stark texted and said he needs to see me right now,” You snap your head up as Peter scrambles to pack his things. “Uh y-you can take my notebook to study. I don’t need it.”

He continues to stuff his books in his backpack and doesn’t notice the irritated look on your face. “You can’t be serious right now, what could he possibly want this late at night?”

You don’t want to snap at the boy, but Jesus Christ. Why is he always leaving at the worst possible times? You clench your jaw, trying to bite back on saying anything you might regret.

“I’ll explain later, I have to go now or it’ll be too late.” Peter throw his backpack over his shoulder, the guilt starting to pool inside.

“No, you don’t Peter, you’re just an intern. He’s not asking you to save the world.”

If only you knew. It hurts Peter that he couldn’t tell you the truth, but it’s for your own good. Yet this isn’t all that great either, both of you were tired of the sudden disappearances. But what else could he do? If Peter told you his secret, he’d be putting you at risk. The last thing he wanted was for his best friend to get hurt, especially if it’s because of him.

“Y/N please, I’m really sorry. I promise we can study tomorrow if you want.” Peter’s urgency increases, and he’s praying to god that you’ll let it slide.

You don’t seem to be letting him go that easily. He could see the anger in your eyes as they narrowed, drowning him in guilt.

“I don’t care about that!” You yell, Peter’s shoulders tensing up.  “I want to know why you’re running off late at night for no reason.”

“And I’ll give you an answer later, just not right now.” With that, Peter is almost out the door before you jump up to meet him.

“This is such bullshit,” you snarl as you grab his wrist, stopping him from turning the doorknob.

Suddenly, you and Peter were outside. 39th Street, in front of the Daily Bugle, to be exact. The street is usually buzzing, people at every corner, but it’s dark and empty. You couldn’t help but feel an ominous mood surrounding the area. You were kneeling on the sidewalk, the rough pavement scratching on your knees. You look down and finally notice Peter on the ground with you. Your arms were wrapped around him as you basically cuddled him. He felt cold, shivering just enough to feel the vibration throughout your arms. After the initial confusion about the position, you start to take in his features. His lower lip was cut, a fine red line in the middle that contrasted the paleness of the rest of his mouth. His right eye had a red bruise under it that was turning purple, and a bloody gash could be spotted in the upper corner of his head. The rest of his face was decorated in smears of dirt and dust. Beyond the confusion and the horrendous state of his face, you could see that Peter was absolutely terrified.

“Y/N I-I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I don’t know what happened I-“

“Shhhhhhh, it’s okay Peter. It’s okay. You’re okay, I promise.” You assured.

It was like word vomit; you couldn’t stop yourself from speaking. You didn’t even know what was happening right now, but the conversation seemed to know where it was going. Stunned and confused, you felt a terrible strain on your heart. You couldn’t exactly make out an emotion that went along with this, but something in the back of your head knew what was happening. Heartbreak.

Unless you suddenly became a wizard overnight, you did not have the ability to teleport. How could this be happening? Was this a dream? Just seconds ago you were arguing with your best friend about his recent flakiness. You were annoyed with the secrecy, so you stopped him and grabbed his wrist…

His wrist.

Your hand.

You grabbed his wrist.

You made physical contact with Peter.

This wasn’t a dream.

This was a glimpse into the future.

Peter was your soulmate.

Panic started to radiate off your body, your breaths getting heavier with each inhale. You tried to focus, looking around the scene in front of you for clarification. Your eyes started to water, everything slightly blurring together. An urge to cry was crawling up your throat. Your body felt like it was on fire, you were surprised it didn’t spontaneously combust at that very moment. Everything just hurt.

Forcing yourself to ignore the burn, you saw the rubble that covered the road across from you and the destroyed buildings it fell off from. Cars were almost pressed flat like a pancake and you could see the sharp crystals of glass surrounding it. You heard sirens and car alarms in the faint distance, but no one was here to save you two from this nightmare. Finally, you look down and are met again with the face of a broken and scared Peter.

That’s when you notice the feeling on your hand. Warm and wet. You pull it up to your face to look at it, but it’s covered red. Blood. Thick, warm blood drenched your entire right hand. You let out a shaking gasp when you realize it wasn’t yours. Looking down past Peter’s face, you see his stomach covered red. In a panic, you put your hand back to where it once was. You vaguely remember people saying to keep pressure on the wound. Holding Peter tighter you try to keep your eyes away from your hands. You realize he wasn’t wearing normal clothes. He was wearing nothing but red and blue. In Peter’s right hand, you see a bunched up, red cloth, almost like a hat, or a mask even. But on the chest of his hoodie, just above the blood…

A spider.

You wanted to question the wounded boy in your grasp, but his eyes started to close. You were about to scream at the sight. It was too late. At that same moment, you were back in your apartment, hand on top of Peter’s. The scene before you was gone.

You direct your stare from your hand to his face. He was pale and his eyes looked hollow. Mouth parted in shock; you could imagine you looked the same. You tried to focus on Peter, trying to find something to say. You were tongue-tied, mouth going dry at the thought of making words. Your right hand was still firmly grasped onto Peter’s wrist. The same hand that was covered in blood. His blood.

The shock of the memory made your body go numb. So, you let go. You stepped back to stare at him, squeezing your hands into fists. Arms shaking and knuckles turning white, you were almost ready to cry. You tried to keep a distance from him as if he was some bomb waiting to go off. In fact, he kinda was.

Face still white as snow, Peter is snapped back into reality when he hears the sirens engulf the borough. This time, you paid attention too. All you could do was listen to the noise and let it ring through your ears. It almost felt like the emergency was you.

“Y/N I have to-’’ Peter tried to speak, but you cut him off before he could finish.

“Yeah, y-you need to go,” Fully understanding what he meant all these times.

Peter nods, lips slightly pursed. He couldn’t handle your terrified, icy stare, so he quickly faces the door once again. He turns the doorknob with less force this time, but still just as guilt-ridden. When the door closes, you were officially all alone. You blink, a single tear slipping from each of your eyes. Three thoughts kept your brain occupied for the rest of the night.

Peter Parker was Spider-Man.

Peter Parker was your soulmate.

Peter Parker was going to die, and you didn’t know what to do.

——-

After he left and the morning after, you didn’t hear back from Peter. When you woke up in the morning, your first instinct was to check your phone. Sadly, you lacked any messages from a certain spiderling. You weren’t surprised, but you were still disappointed. As you got ready for school, you couldn’t help but be nervous. It seemed that every step you took, there was a sense of uncertainty. One wrong move and a boobytrap would show itself. But you couldn’t miss school due to midterms. The school also didn’t have “existential crisis due to future with soulmate” listed under possible excuses, but that wasn’t exactly a common issue among students. Ignoring the terrible feeling in your gut, you grab your backpack and head out the door.

The subway ride there didn’t clear out anything in your head. You enter the building with muddled thoughts and a twinge of unsolved anger. Peter has been keeping this secret for months. Ever since the videos of Spider-Man appeared over the past year, it’s all everyone at school talks about. In fact, you’ve probably gushed about how he cool he was to Peter. You were one of many that happened to have a celebrity crush on Spider-Man. Did it not occur to him that he’s had so many opportunities to tell you?

Frustration continues to boil your blood, but you knew better. You couldn’t be mad at his secret right now, not after seeing what the future holds for you two. But then when can you be mad at him? It seems like you were at a loss for answers and until you talk to Peter about it all, you were going to be left clueless.

You opened your locker and grabbed your books for class. Too focused on avoiding thoughts about a certain hero, you didn’t notice MJ on the other side of your locker door until you closed it, making your shoulders tense up.

“And I thought I was the mopey one,” MJ observed.

“Yeah well, I guess I’m just not in the mood today.”

Dozens of thoughts started to wrap around your brain. Does she know about Peter’s secret? MJ’s smart, with enough observation she might’ve been able to figure it out. Did Ned know? Was Spider-Man a secret he could only tell another guy? Peter isn’t sexist, is he? What if you weren’t actually his best friend and you were the third wheel between him and Ned all along?

“Y/N?” MJ asked, eyebrows scrunched. Her head was tilted in confusion.

“Sor-sorry. Spaced off,” You dismissed.

MJ nodded, but she was still a little confused by your shaky attitude. You wanted to end the conversation there, but you couldn’t wait to talk to Peter. For all you know, he wouldn’t even show up to school. You decided that MJ will suffice as a confidant.

“This is a super random question but, what do you think of soulmates?” You didn’t know how to word the question without sounding like a weirdo, but you hope that MJ will just answer it without questioning you back.

“I mean, what about it?”

“Just- what do you think? Is it real?”

You kept trying to avert your eyes, but when you looked back at MJ she seemed her normal, uncaring self.

“Well, I mean, I couldn’t care less,” You can only stare at her in response. “Who knows when that’s gonna happen to me, or you for that matter. But like, why argue with the universe? Seems like they know what they’re doing.”

Well if that’s the case, then the universe has a terrible hit list.

“So, you think being with your soulmate is inevitable?” You continue to ask.

“Well, what are you gonna do, avoid them forever? Seems kinda stupid to do that, don’t you think? If you find them, just go for it, you have no reason not to.”

You could think of a million reasons why not to, but before you could list them all in your head, MJ continues to talk.

“I’m sorry but why are you bringing this up? Did you find yours or something?” Silence fell between you two.

“No, I was just wondering. Cause, wow, you know?”

“It hurts to watch you lie. You know that?” MJ states.

“Hey, I can keep a secret. In fact, I have tons of secrets.”

Like the fact that my soulmate has an expiration date.

MJ laughs at your response. “Uh, okay. You keep telling yourself that. Last time you tried to pull a lie you ended up telling Ms. Gonzales that you had a long-lost twin.”

You cringe at the memory. Maybe she did have a point, but you knew you couldn’t tell her the exact details without Peter’s permission. Your somewhat pathetic lies will have to do.

“Anyways, back to the case at hand… It must’ve happened recently. Maybe yesterday?”

You were starting to think that MJ was the real-life Sherlock Holmes, she was going off of nothing but a question and a terrible lie. Amidst being impressed by her detective work, you wish this case was left cold. You continued to remain silent as she scanned your face for clues.

“Wait, didn’t you have a study date with Peter?”

You were by surprise at how quickly she guessed correctly. MJ knew she hit the target when your eyes shifted away from her.

“It’s him. Peter’s your soulmate. Oh my god, I had a feeling you were, but you’ve been friends for so long I wasn’t sure. How did this not happen sooner? By now I thought you’ve made out at least once for the heck of it. Not even a hug or something?”

You sighed, looking sadly at your friend. “I don’t know MJ. I don’t want to go into all of it right now, I just wanted an opinion. And no, we have not kissed ‘for the heck of it’.” You bite the inside of your cheek as you gave a small eye roll, falling silent once again.

Your dark-haired friend was left confused by your statement. Since when were soulmates a bad thing, especially when your soulmate was your best friend? MJ knew better than to push it. She would just wait till you were ready to say more.

“He left before we had a chance to talk about it. I was afraid he wouldn’t show up today, I talked to you so I wouldn’t go crazy thinking about it all day. But I might just have to. This was stupid to even bring up in the first place.” You apologized, frustrated.

There was so much that you couldn’t talk about, you regret talking about it at all. The only person that you were able to talk to isn’t to be seen. Your deepening frown indicates to MJ that the conversation was coming to a close. She simply nods and you say your goodbyes before parting ways.

Your first period class goes by slowly as you try to shake off any negative thoughts along with your grogginess. Your teacher lets your class have a study hall to prepare for your tests. You decided to finish up your studying from yesterday, grabbing your chemistry notebook and opening it up. Sadly, you forgot how confused it left you last night, so you shove it in your backpack before spotting Peter’s. Just because he wasn’t talking to you doesn’t mean you couldn’t use his notes.

You flip through the pages trying to find the section you were looking for when a dog-eared page catches your eye. You open it to find the title “Web Fluid, Version 3.01” written in blue ink. You can’t help but smile at the page, admiring his neat handwriting and sketches scattered throughout. His work was admirable, and you’ve seen plenty of videos of him webbing through the city that proved his formula to be true. The stuff was strong, and at that moment, you could only be impressed by his work. Peter was truly was of the smartest guys out there, and he was using his skills to save the city, how could you not be proud of him?

Yet as amazing as Spider-Man was, he was also Peter Parker; the guy who hasn’t talked to you since last night. The person who ends up risking their life to save New York. The boy who was your soulmate. Dispirited, you closed the notebook and decided to study for your calculus test instead.

Second period was chemistry, a subject that seems to keep coming up not only in your studies but also in your life. You and Peter were lab partners, which meant if he was here, you would be met with his presence very soon. Less than a minute later, you spot his curly hair entering the doorway.

It doesn’t look at neat as it normally does. He’s probably just as distressed as me. Probably more, cause… death…

Peter takes his normal spot next to you, keeping his stare straight forward toward the whiteboard. At first, you thought you should do the same, but you hated the silent treatment. It was now or never, you had to confront him now.

“Uh, h-hey.”

Nailed it…

He awkwardly turns his head to meet your gaze. Nodding, he gives you a classic white person smile before saying hi back. This was such foreign territory to you, Peter might keep to himself with people he doesn’t know, but the two of you always had something to say to the other. A small part of you wished none of this ever happened. You liked going to school. You liked the friend group you settled into. You liked the life you’ve been living. Most importantly, you liked the relationship you had with Peter. Any other feeling besides friendship felt null and void. You could easily give it up to stay friends with Peter, but that doesn’t seem like an option.

“Pete, I wanted to talk about-” The bell cuts you off before you finish your sentence.

Normally, the bell wouldn’t stop you from talking. Throughout the class, you and Peter would continue to make small talk as you paid attention to the lesson. But Peter turns away from you and stares back at the board. You knew this wasn’t a topic that you could just push onto him, you were on the outside looking in. Opening your backpack, you grab his notebook and slowly slide it sideways across the table.

“The webs are impressive by the way.” You complimented, mouth curling into a small smile.

Peter ignores your comment and grabs the notebook. In another reality or situation, he would’ve been extremely flattered by the compliment, but all he did was avoid your stare. He spaces off the rest of the class and you could tell by the emptiness in his face. You were in the same boat. Words went in one ear and numbers out the other. This was probably the trickiest class for you and you knew you needed to pay attention. But when there’s a human-sized obstacle sitting right next to you, everything else was blocked.

You couldn’t blame Peter. He could go rob a bank and you wouldn’t blame him. He was dying. It seemed like it was your fault. You touched him and you were the one that was running toward him for a confrontation. The thought only makes you more disheartened. When class is over, he quickly heads for the door and is one of the first people to leave. You don’t go running after him, not right now. Slowly standing up from your chair, you leave the classroom and head to your next class.

Fortunately (or unfortunately) for both you and Peter’s sake, you had different classes third period. The only friend in your English class was Ned and you had a feeling that might be just as awkward. You weren’t sure how much he knew of the situation.

Walking toward your desk, you make eye contact with Ned. You tried to force a genuine smile for him as he awkwardly sends one back. He seemed unsure of what to say to you, his thumb rubbing back and forth on his pen. Your smile turns into a look of concern as you sit down.

For midterms, your English class had to write research essays, but you and Ned both finished yours early. Proud that you didn’t procrastinate on your work, you wish you both had something to keep yourself occupied. You turn your head to look at Ned, but when he turns back, you look away. Your leg was shaking, and you were torn between talking or keeping your mouth shut. Taking in a deep breath, you grab your chair and move it next to Ned’s desk.

“Hey,” You whispered so the whole class didn’t hear you.  

“Hey Y/N.” Ned replies.

“Do you know?”

“Know what?”

“You know… the thing?” You asked, referring to the soulmate situation.

Your eyes widened, trying to give him the look. It only left Ned confused, and to be honest, a little scared. You had a slightly crazy look in your eyes like you were on the hunt for something.

“There’s a thing?” He questioned.

“Peter… me…”

“Spider-Man?” He does know, about one thing at least. How could Peter trust him but not you?

“What no, that’s not what I’m talking about dude.”

“Oh. Well, then he’s not Spider-Man…” You give him an are you kidding me look, squinting your eyes.

“I already know his secret, Ned. I’m asking if you know about last night.” You wanted to know how Peter felt so you could help him. The silence was understandable, but he couldn’t do it forever.

Ned bites his lip and takes a deep inhale. “Well, I know some.” You nod your head, encouraging him to continue. “All he said was you two were soulmates, but Spider-Man would just put you in danger. That’s pretty much it. But it was weird though, he seemed super out of it this morning. Like something else was bothering him.”

You swallow hard. Peter didn’t give him much to go off of so you don’t say anything else. You give a half-smile to Ned as a way of saying thanks. Neither one of you knew what to say, and Ned hated the awkward silence. Ned’s eyes light up and he turns to grab something from his bag.

“Hey, we still have thirty minutes left of class. Do you want to play World of Warcraft with me?” He smiles, opening up his laptop.

You let out a soft chuckle at the offer, appreciating the gesture. Ned truly was one of the sweetest guys ever. You’re jealous of whoever gets to end up with him.

“Hell yeah, dude.” You grin, scooting your chair closer to him.

That was the first real smile from today.

 Peter had successfully avoided you for the rest of the school day. He skipped out on lunch to study in the library. In the two other classes you shared, he managed to be the first one in there and picked a spot in the back corner. By the time you got into class, most of the spots around him were taken, leaving you to sit close to the front. The boy thought he was in the clear when he opened the front doors to head out. He stopped walking to take in the fresh air and let the traffic lighten up. However, you got there faster and were already outside. You realized that Peter would try to avoid talking to you forever, but you both needed answers now.

You both spot each other at the same time. Peter was a deer in headlights, but he took his feet and try to quickly walk away from you. He was so close to the gates before you stopped right in front of him. You were concerned, how could you not be? Peter stops too, not moving away from you. The expression on his face was hard to read, but you could see his jaw tense up. Has it always been that chiseled?

You swat away the ridiculous thought. It was a miracle that you were able to catch up to him, especially at the speed he was going at. Afraid that he could run away at any given moment, you opened your mouth.

“I let you ignore me all day, but I know you’re going to keep at it unless I stop it. I have no idea what to say right now, but that doesn’t mean you should run-”

Once there were fewer students in the way, Peter started to push away from you. He didn’t know what to say anyway, what was the point?

“I’m sorry Y/N but I should be going.”

“Peter please…” You trail off, but it was no use.

“I-I’m sorry. I just, I need to go.” Peter excuses himself as he took a running start before jumping over the ten-foot gate in front of you.

Was he always this obvious? Jesus, dude.

“I’m not going to stop until we talk!” You yelled, but you doubted he heard.

However, Peter’s senses were able to pick up your exclamation, much to his dismay. He hated that he didn’t talk to you all day, but looking at you brought a wave of emotions. Confusion, panic, fear. The idea of confronting what was at hand seemed hard, but manageable. But when it actually happens, or almost happens, it feels like he’s looking at a black hole. If he got too close, he might get sucked in.

He turned a corner and was met with an alleyway. Webbing his bag to the wall, he starts changing into his alter-ego. Halfway into getting into his suit, Peter starts to breath heavier. It felt like he was struck by lightning, all of his senses going into overload. Seconds later, his chest is heaving. Oxygen couldn’t get into his system fast enough, the buildings around him tilting and spinning. The pain in his upper body increased and the rest of him started to burn up. He had an urge to be dunked into cold water, but he already felt like he was drowning. Knees buckling, he collapsed to the ground as his face almost meets the ground. Peter found his mask but kept struggling to open the hole for his head. He stretched the fabric as far as it could go and onto his head. Lopsided at first from his shaky hands, the mask adjusted itself and starts tracking his vitals. The mask helped calm down his enhanced senses, but it only does so much. The nausea remained as the world started to settle. Peter could see that besides his heartrate being over 150, he was perfectly fine health-wise. Too bad he still felt like he was dying.

The thought crossing his mind made his face scrunch in agony as hot tears began to spill. A cold breeze passes by and Peter slowly finishes getting dressed. He continues to leave the mask on to hide his tears, even if the mask isn’t fully soaking them up. The mask hides his identity from the world and puts up a barrier. Bad guys don’t see his fear, and he can pretend that he’s not scared. Hiding his cries, he pretends that his life hasn’t changed. After regaining control of his breathing and heart rate, he bites his lip hard as he blinks away the last of his tears. Crime was living on the streets and he needed to stop it. As he shoots a web, he takes a deep breath and ignores his burning, red eyes. For now, he’s just a friendly, living, neighborhood Spider-Man.

——-

 May treated you as if you were her child, so it wasn’t a surprise when she let you into her apartment with ease. You felt guilty for doing so, but you tried to assure yourself it was for good reason. You wanted to help Peter and possibly save him. Whatever you could do to help, you wanted to figure it out. The only way to do so is to talk to him, which is why you decided to wait in his room until he came back. May said he was at the “Stark Internship” and should be back soon, all you had to do was wait.

More than thirty minutes pass and you were growing impatient. You didn’t do anything to pass the time, as if occupying yourself was disrespecting the matter. All you could was think and try to imagine the fear he must be experiencing. Maybe he knew it was a possibility given his job, but you knew Peter. He looked out for others before himself. You were similar in that way, which is why you two worked so well together. You looked out for one another, which is why you were sitting on his bed waiting for him to come home.

You pull your knees to your chest and place your chin on top. Studying has put a toll on you and the lack of sleep from last night didn’t help either. Fatigue began to creep in as your eyes started to close. You would’ve had completely fallen asleep if it weren’t for Peter opening his window, crawling inside.

He locks the window, snapping you out of your catnap. You look around the room to find it empty. Well, all except a red and blue spider on the ceiling. You closed the door after you came in, so you were able to yell, “What the fuck Peter?” with more volume.

He didn’t even notice you when he came in, too busy trying to be silent. You were the last person he thought he would see. The surprise was so alarming, he loses his grip, back meeting the carpet with a loud smack.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry.” You panic, leaning forward on his bed.  

He only replies in a grunt, slightly in pain.

“A-are you okay?” You ask.

“Yeah, I’m great. Just perfect.” He says as he starts to sit up, taking off his mask.

There was more sarcasm laced in his voice than normal. You figured it wasn’t due to the fall, although that probably didn’t help. A wave of guilt hits you once again. The meeting wasn’t ideal, but it had to do.

Peter begins to stand up, taking off his mask. His face looked more tired than it did this morning and his eyes were slightly swollen. Neither of you says anything as you both knew why you were here.

“I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now. And I know this isn’t the best idea, but it was the only idea I had. I get why you’re avoiding this, but I want to help. You’re my best friend Peter, you’re so important to me. So please, can we talk? For both our sakes.”

You looked like you were on the verge of tears, which pulled on Peter’s heartstrings even more. He couldn’t run away from you, a clever move on your part. You couldn’t solve anything if you didn’t talk about it, and Peter really missed not talking to you, even if it was only for a day. It might’ve been the dread, but school felt bleak and boring without you. Even though he ignored you in chemistry, it was still the most interesting part of his day.

The silence got less awkward as you could see Peter thinking. He sighs and gives you a small nod, agreeing. You give him a small smile in response.

“I didn’t actually think this far through; I was so nervous just to come over.” Peter quietly chuckles at your lack of preparation. His face warms up to you, boosting your confidence. It’s just Peter. Your friend Peter.

“Wait actually,” Peter interrupts. “Do you mind if I change out of the suit? It’s just, May doesn’t know so…”

“Oh, yeah sure. Sorry.”

You don’t move, however, confusing the brown-haired boy.

“Oh, you meant here. Right. My bad. I’ll just, yeah.” You stutter, motioning that you’ll turn around.

It takes you a second to realize his suit was different. More high tech, probably Tony Stark’s doing. In the future, he was wearing an older suit, one from his earlier YouTube videos. A relief fills your body. It might not happen after all, with an upgrade like this he would never go back to his original Spider-Man costume.

Peter presses the spider on his chest and his suit loosens and slips right off of him. He rummages around for a shirt and you start to slowly turn your head toward him before you even realized. It wasn’t a good idea, but there was a sudden urge of curiosity that made you want to look. What you saw made you draw back a breath. You figured Spider-Man had a lot of muscle, but seeing it on Peter was different. The idea that they were the same person is still very new to you, so you couldn’t help but stare.

If you had to describe Peter’s attractiveness, the only word you could use was “cute”. Looking at him now, you could see it wasn’t the case. He was beautiful, hot even. Your stare wasn’t a sexual one, but one of admiration. Part of you thought you were starting to notice who Peter truly was. He quickly puts a baggy shirt and some sweatpants, and you look away at the last second. A pink blush warms your cheeks. When he’s fully composed, you turn and both look at each other. Peter seemed to be at a loss for words as his mouth kept opening, almost looking like a fish with his pathetic attempt. You flash an awkward smile before starting the conversation.  

“I’m sorry. I know I’m pushing it, but I’m at a loss right now. You’re my first priority, forever and always. I’m always here for you, even if you don’t want me to be.” Peter flashes you a sheepish smile at your words. “But why, Peter? Why would you keep this from me?”

You were trying to ease him into an easier conversation, although without the whole soulmate doom looming over you, this subject wasn’t an effortless manner to discuss. Peter sighs, remorse shown on his face.

“You’re my first priority too, I care about you so much. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt, fo-for anyone to get hurt.” He stutters at the last part. “But I have an obligation to save the city. The world doesn’t hand around powers like these to anyone, so I need to use them. I didn’t want anyone to be caught in the storm, especially you. Ned found out on his own when he caught me red-handed, I didn’t mean for him to know. But I should’ve told you afterwards too, and I’m sorry about that. I was just looking out for you and everyone else.” The confession earns Peter a half-smile from you.

“It’s okay, Pete. It hurts, yeah. But I’ll get there.” You never use this nickname on him very often, but it felt like the right time to do so. “I understand, I probably would’ve done the same thing. I was just shocked, you’re the Spider-Man after all.”

A small chuckle surrounds the two of you, the first smile between you two today. You wish you had more time to process this more, but both of you had more important issues. Knowing that eventually you’ll get over his secrecy, you accept his apology. He did it because he cared, and you shouldn’t be mad at someone for caring.

“I’m going to be honest, Peter, I don’t know what else to say. Surely you have a million thoughts running through your head.” You encourage, hoping he’ll shed some light on how he’s feeling.

“I-I, I don’t know actually.” He shrugs.

“Oh. Okay, uh, that’s fine. I guess we’re on the same page.” You say, followed by an awkward and uncomfortable laugh.

Nothing? How could he be so nonchalant about all this? Peter seems so calm and collected, you weren’t sure if he realized the situation at hand. Or maybe he does, and he’s just in denial of it all. You weren’t sure which of the two it was. Hesitant on asking, you tried to think of something else to say. However, Peter stops you from speaking again.

“Actually, this is kinda weird. Um, you see the thing is, I’ve been interested in Liz lately.”

The confession made you surprised and hurt, to say the least. You figured Peter would at least feel a slight attraction like you did, given the news that the two of you were soulmates. But you also couldn’t blame him for eyeing Liz. Popular, smart, beautiful in every way, of course, Peter would be into the captain of his decathlon team. Well, his used-to-be decathlon team. It now makes more sense as to why Peter quit, yet another club he left you behind in.

“Th-that-that is great. She-she is great.” You reply, trying to make this conversation less awkward.

“Yeah, I know that’s not how it works…”

No shit, Sherlock. We end up together no matter what.

”But I don’t know, she’s cool and I want to get to know her. It’s not like, illegal to date your non-soulmate. Plus, she seems like she likes me enough, why not at least try?”

Why try when you have your freaking soulmate right next to you? Why are you so dense?

You wanted to scream these thoughts at him. Grab his shoulders and shake some sense into him. But you couldn’t push Peter, not now, maybe not ever. Going along with whatever he said seemed easier for him, and hopefully you too.

“Yeah no, I get it.” You lie.

How could you get it? You’ve had eyes on him for more than half a year. The soulmate discovery only confirmed that your feelings were real and not a fling. You had the love of your life right in front of your eyes, but he was nothing but a ghost right now. Wasn’t the concept of soulmates supposed to make love easier? The romantic comedies that you watched were set in universes that didn’t have this luxury, and it was a pain seeing them try to find “the one”. You pitied the characters, but now it seems like you’re one and the same.

“So, what do you want to do about all this? About us, or whatever.”

“Uh, nothing really.” Peter awkwardly crosses his arms. “I mean, there’s nothing really to do, right? I mean, I don’t really like you in that way.”

Ouch.

“So, yeah. I say let’s just keep doing what we’re doing. S’been working for a couple years already, why ruin our friendship?”

You nod at Peter, but your eyes try to look anywhere but at his. Every time he opens his mouth, he’s ripping your heart bit by bit. But the situation is just too much and too awkward, it seems that your heart is too busy to be broken right now. Maybe his idea is what’s best after all, though to your dismay. Both of you were in agreement, and you were off on your depressing way. The journey home felt like the longest ten minutes of your life.

And that was that; the rest of the week at school goes by as if nothing happened between you two. He would sit next to you at lunch and joke around with Ned with a smile on his face, and it actually seemed genuine. Peter was not a good liar, but when your life is on the line, perhaps anyone’s inner actor can be brought out. You reluctantly continue with your life, cracking half-ass jokes across the chemistry table. Midterms came and gone, you and all your friends passing with flying colors. It kept you all occupied for the last two days, and any awkward conversation was blamed on your focus toward your studies. To the outside, it seemed that your friendship was the same as it’s always been. And maybe to Peter, it felt the same way.

But in the back of your heads, you know better. You could never look at each other the same again.

Masterlist / Part 2

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