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hazashiovo · 11 days

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Remember in "Sleeping Beauty" the live action how Maleficent had a crow? That's what we're doing now,but with Malleus.

Malleus x crow shifter!Reader

Genre:Fluff, master and loyal servant trope.

Little bird

You always had a thing for shiny,pretty things. No matter whether it was some trash on the ground or a nice ring in a pawn shop.

Shiny objects never failed to grab your attention.

Malleus is shiny and definitely pretty, and you, being you, got attracted to him. Naturally of course.

Malleus is a shiny,pretty fae.

It was near impossible for him not to attract your interes.

Once he realized a certain bird was stalking him, the fae started leaving small amounts of food for you. It always brought a smile on his face when the mysterious bird tilted its head,its dark eyes filled with curiosity. In his eyes,it was such a cute action to do.

He must admit,the bird got his attention,and soon enough it became a habit.

Like crows usually do, you started leaving small trinkets that you personally found pretty, at his window.

It might be a flowery metallic hair clip that attracted you,or maybe some bottle cap with a pretty color.

He appreciated neither less ,it was a curious habit the fae and the animal picked on.

So malleus started reading. About crows,their habits and soon enough he found stories about them.

Those little creatures are quite interesting,it's what he would think while reading a particular sentence that made him think about the bird,once again.

Some say if a crow is fond of somebody they leave gifts as a sign of appreciation and sometimes, loyalty.

When this little black feathered animal chooses a person to grow attached to,it's quite the view to other people. And it means that you, as a person,are enough to gain one animal's trust.

Dark, beautiful creatures of the night, growing attached to complete strangers.

What Malleus didn't know was that inside the dark bird,there was a human soul.

Free to transform whenever they pleased, not really.

You can't shift whenever you want to,unless you want to be seen bare by other students,and you definitely do not want that.

When you're in your animal form you feel free, peaceful to do as you please,fly wherever you want.

Even if you're not truly a crow,the tendencies to behave like one are real besides eating worms and insects. That's not you.

Bleagh.

Before Meeting the tall guy,you used to collect the shiny things you found,but now that he's here, most of the objects you pick up are for him.

He leaves outside his bedroom window bread crumbs,cookie crumbs and whatever the indulging boy thinks is good for you or that you would enjoy.Even if you don't need it,you take them. Mostly to show him you trust him with.

They taste better when somebody gifts them to you. It's a fact.

Soon,Malleus allows himself to touch your head. A gentle rub on your black feathery small head. His green eyes whiden when you push your head in his hand, practically telling him to keep going.

He smiles,as he rubs below your dark beak. Malleus notices the way your eyes close affectionately. He could even imagine a ghostly smile on your beak.

It's one truly cute interaction.

Malleus's friends soon started to notice a particular bird on his shoulder, always watching.

Silver even had a feeling that you understood what they were saying,simply by your body language.

But most of the time crows and ravens are smart birds,some reaching the level of understanding of a 5 year old child.

It's very interesting,you are interesting, especially in Silver's eyes.

But he doesn't pay much attention to you,more busy to focus on Malleus.

You like Silver,he cares about Malleus a lot.

The first time Lillia has met you,he knew that you're not what you seem.

His age isn't a young one, therefore he's been through stuff,and learned things in his life.

Like now,he knows that you're not just a bird. You couldn't fool the older fae even if you tried.

So he silently watches,and he's not ashamed to make comments when you're alone, which isn't often since you're with Malleus most of the time,but still.

This man has you sweating,even if you don't particularly hide yourself on purpose.

Even if you're most comfortable around Malleus in your shifter form,the truth can't be hidden from him forever.

At the same time,you can't just shift in front of him back in your human form.

Meeting him with no clothes on,for the first time even, doesn't really seem like a good first impression.

Unfortunately,that is exactly how it happens. Not the naked part,but let's just say you're not clothed either.

Almost 6 months of constantly being on Malleus's shoulder taught you his schedule. So seeing him in his dorm room,eyes wide open watching your form,that's covered by his blanket.

Your original plan was to shift in his room, quickly change in some clothes that belong to him,and tell him the truth about who you truly are.

Simple as that.

It wasn't simple as that. Malleus arrived in his room earlier than he usually does, barely giving you time to cover yourself up.

Now this situation is exactly not the kind that you wanted to land in.

It's not like you could've brought your own clothes in Malleus's room. Your animal form can't carry that much weight,after all it's a small bird.

"Who are you?" Malleus's voice breaks your line of taughts,all thinking of your failed plan and the embarrassment of being in such a situation.

"This isn't what it looks like." The fae holds a curious expression,after all not every day he's met with a naked person in his chambers. Now that he thinks of it,you do white look familiar,but he just can't figure it out from where.

"Malleus,I swear I'm not a creep or anything of the sort." His silence allows you to continue explaining yourself,the blanket around you getting squeezed tighter around you, praying to whatever God was mocking you that this blanket remains on your naked body.

"You know my name?" You watch as the said boy moves closer towards you,now more curious than before.

You squint your eyes, focused on the floor,trying to find the right words to explain yourself.

How do you tell the boy you're completely loyal to,that you're actually a person with the ability to shift forms.

Exactly,you try explaining it.

"I know everything about you, not in a weird stalking way,don't get me wrong." Swallowing the lump in your throat,you meet eyes with the dark haired fae.

This situation is less than comfortable for you.

"Then do explain,what are you doing in my bedroom and why are you bare?"He leaves out the part where you mentioned knowing him,and focused on the important matter.

"Well,I wanted to tell you the truth,or rather show you the truth but..." A sigh leaves your lips at the failure of your oh so great plan, "I didn't have enough time."

He watches as you follow his steps with your eyes,the deja Vu clear as day.

Just who is this interesting person who claims to know Malleus Draconia?

"Say, child of man, what might the truth be? The one you desired to tell me so bad that it was necessary for you to be bare in my room. Enlighten me." Malleus speaks,voice steady and calm,unlike yours. Shaky and anxious.

"I will gladly talk to you...mind if I ask but, can I borrow some clothes?" The question leaves Malleus a bit shocked,only nodding in agreement.

What shocked him even more was that you knew from where to take the clothes.

Excusing yourself to change,you don't miss the unusual expression on Malleus's face. Not so often do you get to see him expressing such an emotion, especially one you caused.

Finally dressed,you dare to properly meet eyes with Malleus. Ready to explain yourself properly.

"Now,I owe you an explanation." The boy takes a few seconds to take in your new appearance,his clothes looking quite nice on you.

"That you do,child of man. Starting by why you were in my room?" He doesn't take his eyes off you,instead fixates them in your eyes. There it was again,that sense of familiarity. Like he's known you for a long time.

"I came to your room, because I wished to show you who I truly was." A deep breath in,and an exhale. It's time to break it to him,that's the whole reason why you came here , right?

Your eyes dart around the room,a singular object catching your eye. A shiny silver ring you found on campus a couple months ago.

Making quick effort,you move towards the table to pick up the ring.

Malleus realizes it,and before your hand could make contact with the piece of jewelry his palm wraps around your wrist, stopping you immediately.

"How is you touching my belongings going to answer any of my questions? Are you perhaps here to steal,human?" His green radiant eyes narrow at you,gaze burning into your own. This ring could never be worn by the fae. Unfortunately you learned that one of Malleus's weaknesses is silver.

If you had known before you would've kept the ring to yourself. Even with his condition,Malleus still kept it, because it was a gift from his loyal little bird.

"Allow me," your soft eyes break contact with his narrowed ones,just for a second. He allows you to pick up the ring,his gaze fixated on what you're trying to show him.

"I brought this to you 3 Months ago,you fed me candy bits,even if it's unhealthy for a bird,I accepted them." Malleus's narrowed eyes widen he seems to be doing it a lot nowadays,or is it just the effect you have on him? Maybe.

"Now how could you have known that,and why would you refer to yourself as a bird?" He's not quite getting the hang of the situation,in his defense,this has never happened before.

You sigh,maybe the best thing to do is just show him,but then when you'll turn back you'll be naked again. Ugh...this is a curse.

"What if I just show you instead?" This was more a question towards yourself rather than for him,even so,Malleus nods. Carefully watching you as you back away.

You take a deep breath in,and there it is. The clothes you just borrowed from the tall male in a pile on the ground.

His brows furrow, was this a trick? Did you wish to play a prank on him?

He doesn't get to drown to deep in his thoughts,the sudden movement in the pile of clothes draws his attention.

The boy slightly bends down, trying to get a glimpse of whatever might be there. And out of the clothes,a crow emerges, a black feathered beautiful crow.

Not just any Crow,but you.

Now it's clear,why you were so familiar in the boys eyes.

Even so,the realization hits him hard, especially when you take your designed place on his shoulder.

Malleus's eyes link with the bird's,your eyes."It's...you?" Voice questionable,you knew he wouldn't have an extreme reaction. The time spent with him taught you that.

From your beak, the ring lays securely gripped. The fae's hand extends, allowing you to drop it in,only for a few seconds. The metal burning his porcelain hands. The ring quickly lands on the table, remaining as nothing more than a gift,and a decoration to his dark room.

You cow,like Malleus could understand you. It feels good to show yourself to him,not having to carry what felt like a horrible lie in your chest.

Once the shock wears off, he smiles. That warm beautiful smile that warmed your heart every time you saw it.

Fortunately,most of the time it was directed to you,after you brought him something nice from one of your trips outside the school.

"You're quite the interesting one,little birdie." He takes the liberty to adjust your position, setting you on his wrist.

"You never fail to surprise me." His white,large hand gently pet your little head,right above the beak. He swears he could hear you purr,like a cat.

Maybe it was only his imagination,but the way your head once again leaned into his palm,that wasn't his mind.

You two make quite the pair.

I had this little idea and I just had to write it. Maybe I'll make a part two to it, depending on what ideas I get next.

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awearywritersworld · 9 months

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stay as long as you need

fushiguro toji x reader summary: toji can't stop hanging around his new neighbor, even though she has a boyfriend. oh well, he knows he's better for her anyway. w/c: 1.2k tags/warnings: hurt/comfort. angst to fluff. domestic violence perpetrated by reader's boyfriend, but nothing terribly graphic; the incident is discussed after the fact, not depicted. implied age gap. protective!toji. toji actually being nice. cliche "who did this to you" moment. fem!reader a/n: WHY IS HE SO HOT??????? I JUST WANT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF MEEEEEEEEE (OR CRUSH ME WITH HIS THIGHS, IM NOT PICKY) on a less unhinged note, thanks for reading!! masterlist

"need some help?"

you nearly jump upon hearing the words, having been lost in your own little world. when you turn around, you're met with a dark haired, well built man and just the sight of him makes your cheeks feel hot.

"oh, i- um," you glance between him and the heavy box in your hands.

he's already taking it from you though, effortlessly balancing it in one hand before opening the door for you with the other.

"thanks," you squeak out, stepping inside your new apartment building.

he smirks down at you, eyes raking over your body. toji isn't exactly the good samaritan type, but for a pretty little thing like you, he can certainly make an exception.

the elevator button lights up when he presses it. "just moving in?"

"yup! third floor. getting everything up there has been quite the ordeal, so i appreciate your help," you explain sweetly.

when the metal doors slide open, he lets you step inside first.

"hm, all by yourself? no boyfriend in the picture?" well, the sorcerer killer has never been one for subtly.

"yeah, actually," you return sheepishly. "he's just out with his friends at the moment."

"that so?" you don't see the look of judgement that crosses his face, though it isn't at all directed toward you.

once you emerge on your floor, toji follows along just a step behind you. he can't help his amusement when you stop at your door. "would you look at that. i guess we're neighbors now."

his head nods toward his own apartment, just two doors down from yours. "oh good! i'm glad this wasn't too far out of your way."

"don't worry about it, wouldn't have been any trouble either way."

you offer him a bashful smile before your door clicks open, revealing quite a few boxes just inside. "you can just put that anywhere, don't mind the mess.. i'm (y/n), by the way."

"toji." he places it on top of one of the other boxes, honestly impressed that you managed to get so many upstairs by yourself. "can i have your car keys?"

he thinks the look of confusion that crosses your features is just too cute. "what for?"

he chuckles because it should be obvious, but clearly you aren't used to being taken care of. "to get the rest of your boxes, princess."

~~~

the next afternoon, toji answers a knock at his door and finds you on the other side. you've got a plate of fresh cookies in your hand, which you shyly offer to the tall man. "these are for you. thank you so much for all your help yesterday! i couldn't have done it without you."

"thanks, you didn't have to," he tells you, although he's happy you did. when he pulls them from your grasp, his hands brush yours. he invites you in, insisting he can't enjoy them alone, but really he just wants to get to know you.

and he does. over the next few weeks, you spend a surprising amount of time in one another's company. whenever he bumps into you in the hall, he'll chat with you for a while, even (or, especially) when he's running late to a job.

one day you mention that a shelf you ordered came disassembled, so he offers to come over and put it together for you. of course you show up at his door the next day with a new plate of cookies.

another morning, toji groans when he discovers that he's out of tea, but quickly realizes it's the perfect excuse to knock on your door. when it swings open, he swallows thickly, taking in your tiny shorts and thin tank top. it was obvious you'd just woken up.

you're no better than he is with the way your eyes trail over his fitted tshirt, then down to the sweatpants that hang loosely around his waist. you're both too preoccupied staring to notice the other doing the same.

"mornin', sleepy beauty," he says with a lopsided grin.

"good morning, toji." you return his smile, your greeting a saccharine melody to his ears. oh, the things he'd do to have you all to himself.

he explains his predicament and you're more than happy to invite him inside. you both sit at your kitchen table, nursing a cup of tea and chatting about your day. the domesticity off it all leaves a pleasant taste in his mouth, which is bizarre seeing as up until a few weeks ago, he'd have found the thought down right repulsive.

but he just can't get you out of his head. you're too sweet for your own good, too young to know what you deserve in a man, and he's more than willing to show you.

he knows you're not available, but makes no attempt to stifle his growing fondness toward you. after all, he'd only ever seen your boyfriend once.

you were returning from a rare afternoon out just as he was leaving to pick up something for lunch. you looked so good in your cute little dress that he hardly even noticed your boyfriend at first.

"hey, (y/n)," toji greeted you. "who's this?"

he didn't give you a chance to speak, just pulled you into his side. "her boyfriend."

"ah," he leered, his nose crinkled. "i wasn't sure since i never see you around."

your eyes flickered between the two men somewhat nervously. toji towered over your boyfriend, a feat he took great satisfaction in.

a humorless laugh came from your left. "prefer to have her over at my place."

toji didn't respond right away, just looked down at you, taking note of your quietness. he briefly recalled the time you mentioned how much it bothered you that your boyfriend never came to visit, that you always had to make the effort.

"right.. well, you're a lucky man." he looked much more smug by then, his head falling to the side. "your girl has the best cookies around."

toji moves past both of you without waiting for a reply, roughly clapping your boyfriend on the shoulder. "see you around, (y/n)."

~~~

nearly two weeks later, toji's leaving his apartment late in the evening, as his current job can really only be taken care of during the nighttime hours. he doesn't expect to see many people in the halls, so he's surprised to find you at your apartment door.

the hood of your sweatshirt is pulled over your head, obscuring your face from his view. "(y/n)?"

you don't respond, so he takes a step toward you. it's only then he notices the way your hands are trembling, struggling with the lock. he reaches out, but when his fingers brush your arm, you jump back as if you'd been completely oblivious to his presence.

"hey-" he begins to say, but stops once he sees your face. his eyes darken and his jaw tenses, the veins in his neck becoming more prominent as a result.

your cheekbone is bright red, a small cut stretching across the center of the mark. your eyes watch him, wide and fearful, and you're all but frozen in place.

"who did this to you?"

he's struggling to keep his composure, the sight of your bruised face enough to have his heart hammering away angrily in his chest. you look away, tears forming in your eyes, and you can't bring yourself to respond.

"was it him?" he presses.

you nod, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth in an attempt to keep from crying. "i-it's okay, though. he didn't mean it, really, and-"

"look me in the face and try that again."

you meet his gaze, somewhat unwillingly, and whimper. "i.. i can't."

he sighs quietly, his job already forgotten for the night, and moves toward you. he remembers how you flinched away from him just moments ago. "..can i touch you?"

you nod once more and he hesitantly pulls you against his chest. it's getting harder and harder to keep your emotions in check, especially with the slow circles his hand is drawing on your back.

"i was so scared, toji," you finally admit, voice barely above a whisper.

"i know, but you're safe now. won't let 'im touch you ever again," he promises, fully intent on keeping it.

his words push you over the edge and you grab at his shirt as you begin to weep, your knees buckling beneath you. he supports your weight, rocking you back and forth. "you're okay. it's going to be okay."

after a minute or two, he finally hears you take a shaky breath and relief fills his chest at the sound. "see? just like that, baby. in and out."

you do as he says and after a few more breaths, he pulls away from you and takes your hand. "c'mon. let's get you cleaned up."

leading you into his apartment, he goes straight to the bathroom. you gasp when he grabs you by the hips and hoists you up onto the counter before searching for his first aid kit. when he pulls it down from the cabinet, he moves to stand between your legs.

grabbing you by the chin, he tilts your head to get a better look your injury. the redness is already transitioning to a darker hue and he knows it'll look even worse tomorrow.

"gonna clean the cut, okay? it might sting."

"okay," you sniffle.

he rips open an alcohol wipe, dabbing it gently against your cheekbone. when you wince in pain, he offers a quiet apology, but he's finished before long, having applied a bit of ointment as well.

"thank you," you murmur.

both of his hands find your thighs, resting on the area just above your knees. "don't thank me. not for this."

there's an edge to his voice, but you know it's not directed toward you. your hands settle on top of his own, quelling his anger for the time being.

"you know," he grunts, his gaze lingering on your cheek before it shifts toward your eyes. "i could never lay a hand on you."

his expression is much softer now than it was in the hallway and he savors the small smile that tugs at your lips. "i know, toji."

as he looks down at you, he knows he's done for. hell, he's known it for a while now. you deserve to be adored. taken care of. made to feel good... and toji is more than confident in his ability to do so.

for a fleeting moment, he considers the fact it wouldn't be hard to find out where your boyfriend lives, to make sure he never raises a hand to you again, but your gentle voice pulls him from his thoughts.

"can i stay with you tonight?" you ask meekly.

"yeah, 'course.. you can stay as long as you need."

jjk taglist: @torusmochi

#m!writes #toji #toji x reader #toji imagines #fushiguro toji #fushiguro toji x reader #fushiguro toji imagines #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk imagines

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sharkboywrites · 26 days

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Hello! May I ask for the BG3 gang with an autistic gn Tav who is. Very Very Large but also quite young (think like... Older teen.) who just decides that Astarion/Wyll/Halsin/Gale etc is their new favourite person and WILL NOT leave them alone.

It would be very funny if they just... didn't realise Tav was actually A Kid™ and thought they were just a weirdly clingy grownup. Except Halsin. Halsin would know Immediately.

Inspired by my dumb ass being enormous and this having happened to me irl many times.

Bg3 Characters With a Young Older Looking Autistic Tav

A/n: This idea is so silly I love it. This is obviously written as platonic because reader is younger and baulder's gate characters are older and I don't write weird stuff like that lol although I'm sure that's expected. Also also i did all of them together because I do not have the energy to write sperate headcannons for each of them, dont worry they all get their moment

Gn Reader, Child/teen Reader

This was an... interesting situation

Everyone on the team assumed you were just assumed you were a bit childish for an adult

I mean could you blame them? You were massive, anyone would assume you were an adult

Except for Halsin

He could easily tell your age, but it's something he kept between the two of you, mainly for safety

Halsin takes more of a dad approach if you cling to him

He's very protective of you and teaches you new skills

He also keeps anyone else on the team from hitting on you, for obvious reasons, but wouldn't say why

He's also the most attentive when it comes to your autism, he's always keeping an eye out for you and helping when he can

It took the others longer to find, though

Wyll was the second to put two and two together

Once he realized, he grilled you about why you didn't tell anyone about it

He isn't too harsh though, and takes a more "fun uncle" role

He always makes sure to entertain you, he's the guy who's got fidgets on him just for you incase you need them

He also decides not to tell anyone for your safety after consulting with Halsin, but he does wish you said something sooner

Gale is the second to last to find out, after trying to teach you something about magic

He had questioned why you didn't know any of this, it was supposed to be common knowledge for someone your age

Or someone he thought was your age

He just stared at you blankly for a good minute after you told him how old you actually were

He's more upset at himself for not noticing to be honest

He realizes how that actually makes a lot of sense

Gale, like Halsin, also takes a more fatherly approach

he teaches you things you may have not known before, and is one of the most helpful when it comes to working through your autism

He's a knowledgeable man and can tell what you need, probably before you do

He's very protective, often insisting that you stay out of battles, but it's not like you listen to him in that department

For comedy's sake, Astarion is the last to find out, and he is pissed

He's mad that no one told him, even if it wasn't too long Gale found out and most of the party knew

He looked so dumbfounded when he found out and like Gale, was more mad that he didn't realize sooner

He's upset, but he gets over it quickly after a day or two of snarky comments and like Wyll, takes on a cool uncle postion

The whole party suddenly wants to protect you and it's suddenly become one of their top goals to return you to your parent/guardian if you have one, next to y'know, getting the worms out of your head

If you don't have somewhere to go they may or may not argue on who takes you once it's all over

Generally, you're taken good care of from then on, much better than you were before

Everyone's very attentive to you and tries to be aware of what you may need at any given point

Since they all have some type of trauma, they want to make sure the same doesn't happen to you, especially so young

Being in this situation is stressful for anyone, let alone a child, and a child with a disability

They do their best to make you happy and keep you safe

They may struggle, but they do their best, and now you have people to call family

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cupid-styles · 6 months

Text

aren't you hungry?

the vampy h blurb!!!!! yay!

in which y/n's never been chosen as a feeder before, but harry changes that and things get... messy.

word count: 2.8k

content warnings: vampire h, blood, smut (dirty talk, impact play, thigh riding, slight pain kink)

masterlist | talk to me

fall/halloween blurb masterlist

. . .

"One of our members has requested your presence."

Y/N's eyes widen slightly at the well-dressed man standing in front of her. He'd tapped her shoulder, pulling her from giggling with her friends on a break from the dance floor. She'd expected some guy trying to buy her and her friends drinks, or maybe a drunk girl who lost her own friends — truth is, she'd never expected to see one of them behind her.

She's only visited this club a couple of times and she wasn't chosen the first time. It was fine with her — she figured she wasn't their taste and she was alright with that knowledge, especially since the kid in her class who mentioned this mysterious spot told her to keep her expectations low. He'd mentioned that he'd only seen a few people get picked before, regardless of how pretty or handsome someone was.

She and her friends kept coming on occasion, though, mainly when they'd had busy weeks and needed somewhere fun to unwind. It was a little far from the college town they lived in, a 30 minute drive or so, and it was less likely to see anyone they knew from school. For that reason, Y/N felt more comfortable letting loose and taking on a persona she normally didn't have.

She felt sexier here. Hotter. More confident.

And there's a twinge of anxiety plucking at her stomach when she realizes that she has been chosen. Her friends are equally as surprised but with raised eyebrows that say you better tell us everything, they encourage her to follow the man out of the main area and up to the private section upstairs.

He doesn't say anything else — no other details are revealed about who wants to feed on her, instead just guiding her away from the crowded, sweaty room. They step into an elevator and she watches as he presses the only button on the panel, folding his hands neatly in front of him. When they arrive, she follows him down a hallway and finally, stops in front of a closed door. He knocks once and walks away.

With a fluttering heart and sweaty hands, Y/N swallows harshly as the door swings open, revealing a tall man with long, curly brown hair. He looks only a few years older than she is, though she knows the age difference likely teeters on one hundred.

"Hello," he greets curtly, stepping aside to let her in, "How are you?"

She mumbles out a "good" as she nervously brushes past him. She's not sure what she was expected, but it looks like any old hotel room, just a lot darker — there are blackout curtains and plushy bedding in a deep red hue folded onto a large mattress. There isn't a television or any mirrors (she wonders if that old myth about vampires is true, then), and it doesn't look like the man who's requested her has spent any time at all here. Everything looks completely pristine.

She hears the door click shut behind her and she turns around to take him in. He's beautiful, but she's heard that most of them are. His face is angular, his stature intimidating, but she supposes that's not out of the ordinary for his kind. It's the first time she's ever been alone with a vampire.

"I take it you know why you were asked up here."

She takes a shallow breath, suddenly self-conscious of her rapid heartbeat, knowing that he can probably hear it from a foot away.

She licks her dry lips and nods, "I think so."

He nods, thumbing at the top buttons on his silky shirt, "Can I answer any questions for you?"

She shifts from foot to foot uncomfortably. "You're... you want to drink my blood, right?"

"Yes," he says with a slight smirk, "Anything else?"

"Why me?"

He furrows his eyebrows, a look of confusion painting his face as he sits on the edge of the bed.

"I'm not sure I understand. You know what this club is for, I'd assume."

"I mean, kind of, I just heard about it in one of my classes," she replies with a shrug, "I've just been here a few times and was never chosen before and I was wondering... like, why tonight, I guess. I figured I wouldn't be picked after that first time."

He nods slowly. "Can I ask for your name?"

"Y/N."

"Y/N, I don't come here often. I don't fancy the thought of feeding on desperate humans in a sweaty club, especially if they're poisoning their bodies with alcohol and drugs and whatever else. And on the nights I do come, maybe once or twice a year, I've never asked for anyone."

She swallows at that, her pulse quickening as he leans back on his elbows, the expanse of his chest shimmering through the soft fabric of his shirt.

"But the second you arrived tonight... I could hear your heartbeat and smell how sweet your blood is," he murmurs, pinching his bottom lip between his fingertips, "I couldn't fathom the idea of letting you go without getting a taste."

Her heart is beating even faster in her chest now. Everything about this situation should be triggering her fight-or-flight response, but instead, she's entranced. She doesn't know if it's because he has some strange vampire powers over her and yet, even if that's the reason, she can't find it in her to care.

"I apologize if that makes you uncomfortable. I hope you know you're not expected to do anything — to give me anything — if you don't want to."

She shakes her head quickly, the sudden thought of not allowing him to pierce her skin her worst nightmare. "No, I... I just don't understand what's so special about me, I guess."

He shrugs. The quick turn to nonchalantness bothers her.

"It may not be anything that you do or don't do. A lot of it comes down to biology. But if I'm being completely honest... I spent the first hour or so watching you downstairs with your friends," he admits, making her face warm, "You're kind, very considerate and sweet. Gorgeous, of course. It just made me want to know more."

"And you're not just saying that to drink my blood?"

He chuckles. "No, Y/N. I'm not just saying that."

"What's your name, then?" She asks, sitting down next to him and crossing her legs, "Since you know all this stuff about me."

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and laughs lightly. "Harry."

"Harry," she repeats, allowing the syllables to roll off her tongue. She can feel him watching her, his neck turned slightly to keep his gaze on her side profile. "And how long have you been a vampire?"

He contemplates her question, lulling his head to the side as he does some mental math. It's been awhile since anyone asked him any personal questions, especially because the people he does hang out with on occasion have been around just as long.

"I think I turned sometime in the early 1900s, though I'm not entirely sure. The first few years are a bit of a blur."

Her heart speeds again, and his smiles to himself when he hears the swift pitter patter pick up.

"How do you normally feed? Since you said you don't come here often."

"Vampires have different ways of eating, similar to how humans do," he replies easily, flexing his ring-clad hands out in front of him, "I tend to favor blood banks, but other vampires will feed from animals. And some just prefer this, or having consistent feeders in their rotation."

She nods her head and purses her lips before turning to him, a defiant look on her face.

"Okay, then. How do you go about feeding from me?"

Harry quirks an eyebrow, surprised at the sudden change of subject. She's more... flighty than he anticipated, but he likes that about her. He thinks.

"Generally... I can feed from anywhere, but the neck is one of the more... sensitive spots that humans enjoy," he murmurs, eyes flicking to the soft skin covering her throat, "Um, it'll hurt at first, when I puncture. But it's quickly replaced with a euphoric sensation. I should warn you, some humans can... orgasm while they're being fed from."

Her eyes widen, "Really? Has that ever happened with people you've bitten?"

"Yes," he nods, quickly blinking away images of her desperately rutting against his thigh as he sucks at her neck. "It depends on the person. It has nothing to do with me, but again, it's a very pleasurable feeling. That's why humans enjoy doing it."

She nods her head and swallows, trying her best to seem cavalier about the situation. In reality, she very much wasn't — it was all very out-of-character for her, but there was still something pulling her in and drawing her to Harry. Thinking about how she was moments away from offering her neck to him and potentially orgasming in front of him was... overwhelming and nerve-wracking, but... what? Intriguing? She wonders if this is scratching some sort of itch she has for a one night stand. She knows Harry is an immortal supernatural creature, but she's only human.

His deep voice breaks her out of her thinking.

"If that changes things for you, please tell me. I won't be upset."

"No. I want to do this," she suddenly decides, "Aren't you hungry?"

If she thinks she's attempting to be flippant, Harry takes the cake time and time again. He shrugs his shoulders and presses his lips together in a thin line.

"A little, but I can go without."

A stroke of bravery strums through her body. Harry had wanted her up here. He's the one that made this happen. He requested her.

She understands he's probably fibbing for her sake, and she can appreciate that. But if this was going to happen, he needed to be clear.

Y/N straightens her posture and flips her hair to the side, her neck bare from any jewelry or marks. He notices a few beauty marks smattered along her jaw and chest — he thinks that if he was breathing, the oxygen would've hitched in his throat.

"Do you need me?" she asks, trying to ignore the twinge of embarrassment she felt at attempting to seduce a vampire, "You had him bring me up here. You watched me. Do you need me?"

If he's stunned, he maintains his composure well. Instead, he clears his throat, running his tongue over his teeth, feeling where his fangs threaten to jut from his gums.

"It's a yes or no, Harry."

His resolve is quickly crumbling and it warms Y/N's body to know that she finally has the upper-hand. He thinks for a moment, but the selfish, primal side of him that's desperately craving the taste of her blood is stronger than the sensible part he typically relies on.

"Yes." he finally answers, breathing out harshly through his nose, "Yes, I need to taste you."

"Do it, then."

When he receives her consent, everything moves lightning fast, making her head spin. Before she even realizes that he's touching her, she's being pulled into his lap, his strong arms wrapping her thighs around his waist. She gasps and he shushes her, the small expression of dominance making her core flutter.

"You're going to get a little floaty," Harry advises softly, ducking his nose into the crook of her neck. He inhales, using his last few moments of consciousness to counsel her through it. It makes her lips part but he squeezes her hip, bringing her back. "It'll be hard for you to know if it's too much or you need me to stop, and I promise to show as much self-control as I can."

"O-okay," she mumbles, tilting her head back slightly. He scowls into her neck, his other hand forming a tight fist in his lap.

"If you need me to stop, squeeze me or hit me or do something. Got it?"

She nods, already feeling entirely overwhelmed by his entire being. It's all uphill, she realizes when he noses deeper into her skin, and before she has the chance to process it's happening, he does it — two sharp punctures into her throat, a sting of pain making her gasp followed by the most intense, full-body ecstasy she's ever felt.

She's immediately floating on clouds of pleasure, whimpers falling from her lips as he sucks at her messily. Her eyes are shut but if they weren't, she doesn't even think she'd be disgusted by her blood trailing down his chin. Everything is lovely, shades of reds and pinks stroking her vision as she squirms in his arms, holding him impossibly closer as he drinks and drinks and drinks.

It all ends too quickly, she feels, but the cloudy sensation prevents her from realizing he'd been drinking from her far longer than he would've liked. When he pops off, licking at the wound to quickly repair it, she's still drifting with hazy eyes, helplessly rubbing her core against his thigh.

"Are y'alright?" he slurs, using the silky sleeve of his blouse to clean off his mouth. She bats her eyes open and nods slowly, unaware of the arousal steadily leaking from her. He can smell it, and it makes him swallow harshly.

"Why'd you stop?" she asks.

"Don't wanna hurt you, angel."

She pouts, wiggling in his lap. "I didn't cum. I would've if you kept going."

He's heard of this before — he knows humans can feel painfully horny after getting bitten, too, but it's never actually happened to him. When he's heard his mates talking about how they just had to get their feeder off after sucking at their necks, he always assumed it was some stupid way to brag about getting laid.

But now he believes them, because Y/N looks desperate with her moony eyes and sodden panties. He can feel her warmth through them and he grits his teeth, wanting nothing more than to keep biting at her skin, even if he knows he can't.

She doesn't say another word before she's grinding her hips against his, riding the thick of his thigh and pressing her clit into it. She gasps from the friction and it makes him feel insane.

"You're rutting against me like you're a puppy in heat," he mutters, steadying her hips with his hands, "Do you really need to cum that bad?"

She nods quickly, moaning when he stops her from moving. "Please. Feels so good, I-I need it."

"Can fuckin' smell you dripping down your thighs," he says, moving her dress up her legs and plucking the width of her panties to the side to reveal her swollen pussy. He groans at the sight, using his thumb to teasingly stroke her sensitive skin. "Go on, then. Make yourself cum. Show me."

It's somewhat humiliating to have him watch her get herself off, but she's not in a mindset where embarrassment exists, so she does as he says. The slick leaking from her pussy makes a mess on his trousers but he doesn't care. How could he, when he gets to watch this beautiful girl chase an orgasm?

"There you go," Harry encourages, separating her pussy lips to expose her clit. He thumbs at it, eliciting a load moan to fall from her mouth. "Did I find your sweet little button, baby? Is this what you need to cum?"

"Yes!" she exclaims, panting desperately. The coil in her tummy is getting tighter, threatening to explode as he presses small circles into the swollen bundle of nerves. It's so good — she's never gotten off so quickly before, her eyes misting at the overwhelming bouts of pleasure funneling through her bloodstream.

"Show me how pretty you look when you cum," he demands, winding his other hand behind their bodies. He grabs at her ass, giving one cheek a full squeeze before smacking it harshly, the slapping sound echoing through the room. She moans loudly and he smirks, doing it again. "Does my little slut have a pain kink?"

She nods helplessly, broken whimpers falling from her lips. She can barely even speak from the all-encompassing bliss.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Harry mutters, switching to her other ass cheek to slap that one, "Getting off on some stranger biting at your neck, sucking your blood. Such a naughty little puppy, hm?"

She squeezes her eyes closed and he growls, shaking his head as he lifts his hand, smacking her cheek and roughly grabbing her cheeks, smushing them together. "Eyes on me, slut. Keep them open while you cum."

It's the final bit of roughness that does her in; her pussy fluttering and contracting around gushes of arousal that seep from her hole and onto the fabric of his pants. He groans out as he watches her, never ceasing the movements on her clit. She's drooling down her chin when her orgasm finally subsides and he smiles, patting her cheek lightly.

"I'm gonna keep you, puppy," he murmurs, nosing at her jaw before pressing a soft kiss to the skin. She nods, panting loudly. "Yeah. You're mine now."

#writing #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles blurb #harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles x oc #one direction

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uzis-dopeaf-hat · 8 days

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Analysis of Nuzi in Episode 7

[MAJOR MURDER DRONES SPOILERS]

Okay! I've been wanting to rant about these two for ages so I'm happy to get this out haha. I'll try to make this post a little more comprehensible than the last one (no promises).

I'll try to keep this in chronological order.

So before I move ahead, let me get this out of the way.

N still cares about V, but I don't think he's thought about her in a romantic sense since at most, the end of episode 3. He absolutely sees her as family and deeply cares for her. Hence why he immediately starts freaking out and attacking the rubble blocking the elevator shaft.

He is desperately trying to get his family back.

So desperately that he unintentionally hurts someone else he immensely cares for.

He forgets about Uzi's condition in his blind panic, but upon remembering he becomes almost ridden with guilt. Uzi likely already feels terrible because of the loss of V and not being able to do anything to help N since she physically is unable to at this moment. It seems N understands this and tries to remedy this by telling Uzi "It's okay," and apologizing profusely.

He doesn't want Uzi to put anything else on her shoulders and backtracks so fast here.

And when Uzi tells N she's sorry, for both N's loss of V and her own inability to help N get back up the elevator shaft, she sounds so upset for N. There's nothing she can do for him here, and she knows this.

It's almost amusing how N gives "Tessa" a death glare here. As the series has gone on N has become less and less of a pushover, no doubt because of Uzi. If N had run into Tessa in any episode from 1-3. it would have been easier for Cyn to manipulate him.

But because she waited so long, N has built such a genuinely healthy and stable relationship with Uzi. One where both parties mutually care about each other and treat each other like equals (which should be normal but of course, this isn't the case for N or Uzi).

But something else to be noted here is the regression of both Uzi and N's characters at this moment.

Because while N is definitely making progress on standing his ground, and letting his own opinions be known, he is still faced with a non-choice. Instead of immediately deciding to question his old friend, he tries to compromise.

It's an old behavior met with an old friend vs a new behavior met with a new friend. He is trying to still somewhat appease "Tessa" while making it known that he isn't willing to hurt Uzi. But he never discusses this with Tessa herself aside from this moment, where he does so with Uzi present and out of the loop.

Let's take a look at Uzi's reaction when N tells her they won't hurt her.

She is scared.

Her eyes dart back and forth between the duo in front of her, putting her hand up in defense to try and subconsciously protect herself.

She doesn't understand what is happening, but she isn't stupid. She knows this means something happened- something regarding her, that's been decided on without her knowledge or input.

And with how much we like to joke about how dopey N is, he does seem very emotionally intelligent at times, especially here. He realizes his mistake immediately, his placating expression of trying to reassure Uzi drawing back as he drags his hand back, startled at her negative reaction.

After the solver accidentally activates from Uzi (unsure if Cyn activated it on purpose or if Uzi herself activated it by accident because of her distress- I can see both being factors), N tries to reach out to her. To bring her back to his side, to him.

He holds his palm upwards to her, physically trying to tell her 'I am here, with you, let me help.' And as he steps towards her, she moves away from him.

Uzi's trust in him has been damaged. She is scared and instead of letting N help her, or allowing him to try and explain what's happening, she hunches over and guards herself from him. She isolates herself, their relationship crumbling like the cave around them.

And N? Once Uzi is out of his view? His hand switches from welcoming to pleading. As in, he reaches out to her, trying to get her back even if he doesn't actually do anything to make it so. He is reeling from what he's done to make her feel like she can no longer trust him, to come to him for his aid. His demeanor is now 'Please wait, come back, don't leave me, I am sorry.'

Maybe not exactly those words, but it's obvious that he doesn't want her to leave. So much so that he forgets to even protect himself (or even "Tessa") from the debris falling around them.

When N wakes up, he immediately tries to free himself and desperately calls for Uzi.

And yes, Uzi is his first thought. He doesn't know where she is, or if she's okay, but his first instinct is to find her, because 'is she okay? Where is she, where are you?' is definitely what N is thinking when trying to find her, even though he can't move.

N is distressed, and after not being able to attract Uzi back to him via shouting, he gets ready to saw off his own arm.

He isn't just saying "I deserve this," because he chopped off Uzi's arm in the last episode, although that is part of it. He's saying he deserves this because he drove Uzi off, didn't confide in her, let her know what was happening, and scared her off in the process.

He is also sawing at the arm that he had held Uzi's hand with -- once again, the same hand that he sliced off to try and stop the solver. Interesting parallel there (at least it's another thing they have in common...?). His hand is absolutely crushed. That's not an accident, the team deliberately shows this -- and this is the result of N's actions (or lack thereof).

...sucks that both hands that had held each other are now destroyed (that's not me trying to be philosophical, just me being sad).

Cut here, and N is immediately ready to tell Uzi what he's learned, sprinting to find her. Probably due to the fact that he's discovered that his crush's mother is still alive but...

When told not to inform Uzi of Nori's existence by the woman herself, N upright denies her request; he's learned from his previous mistake and that lying (via omission) is not something he's going to do, especially not with Uzi.

And while certain information may hurt Uzi, he never wants what happened with Uzi to happen again. He doesn't want her to be afraid of him, or unsure of his intentions because N just wants to help and support her in any and every way he can.

He only relents that he won't tell Uzi, as long as Nori does. This is a bit different from the situation with "Tessa" since A) Nori is Uzi's mother, she really should be the one telling Uzi about her maternal status, and B) He is expecting her to actually inform Uzi of this. Not a "maybe, if needed," situation, a "you can wait until you're ready, but you will tell her," situation.

Back with "Tessa," N finally confronts her, giving her one chance and one chance only.

And Tessa, not used to this new version of N, does not heed his warning, and is promptly dealt with.

N is pissed... and it makes sense as to why. "Tessa" is attempting to force N to kill his best friend, the first one to really talk to him after who knows how long of being stuck with V ignoring him and J berating him.

Uzi has her own bite, but it's never in a way meant to harm or insult N. That's just how she is, and she and N have an excellent bond as the series moves forward.

Tessa is jeopardizing this, mocking him, and calling him "cute," and even tries to monologue to him. But N doesn't let her, because she's already made him hurt Uzi enough and he's at his last leg here. He's done.

And he's still shaken from killing Tessa.

He went full disassembly mode, maybe to make it easier, to kill her.

He is actively struggling, breathing heavily, and having to use the blade he beheaded Tessa with to hold himself up.

Despite this, when "Uzi" grabs at the patch, he snaps out of his stupor to address her. Trying to cope with what just happened. He calls her "buddy," which he really only calls her once in episode three when referring to both of them as "dapper buddies."

Just something interesting to point out, since Cyn took control of Uzi immediately after N "got rid of her body "killed" her. He's called Cyn "buddy," before (although, he called the birds trying to kill him buddies as well, so not sure how that pans out).

When he says it here it almost feels like a coping mechanism. Trying to take care of his loved ones in any way he can. Also, note how he still has an 'x' as an optic. Likely due to the stress he's been put through.

Once he somewhat collects himself, he attempts to tell Uzi that all he needs is her, and for them to stay together.

Their short time away from each other did not favor them. N admits to both himself and Uzi that he doesn't like being away from her and that he needs her to be by his side.

And Uzi definitely could've used him when she found the recording of her mother.

It's a bit harder to analyze Uzi's moments since a lot of it is just herself dealing with her own issues. This is still important, but not a lot of it deals with N, aside from the fact that, yes, N being here would've been preferable (unless I missed some stuff in the middle of this episode).

Cyn reveals herself, having taken control of Uzi, and we really see how sinister she can be.

Make no mistake, that is indeed a heart around Uzi, formed with Cyn's... claw... like appendages.

This is also deliberately put here by the team because they do not want us to doubt N's feelings for Uzi (it gets a lot more heavy-handed, too).

But the most important part here is N's reaction to seeing Uzi. When Cyn turns and shows Uzi's face, N visibly falters, expression growing more upset. He doesn't shoot her. Cyn notices this and smiles because she now sees the advantage she has over N.

And boy, does she take advantage.

This is probably my favorite part of this entire combat scene. N tries to essentially threaten Cyn here from further hurting Nori, trying to get her to back off.

Except, Cyn sees this as an opportunity to toy with him.

Maybe I'll one day do an analysis on Cyn, but she takes active pleasure in seeing N's suffering. When he holds his blade to her neck, he actually takes a moment to look at Cyn in the face, waiting for her next move.

And Cyn grabs that blade and slowly starts jabbing it into Uzi's neck. Because this is who N is now seeing: he is seeing Cyn hurt Uzi and he doesn't know what to do.

You see him visibly gasp, as he notices what Cyn's doing, and is still unable to make himself move (unless, of course, N is now actively trying to get the blade away from Uzi, but it doesn't seem like that's what's happening here).

Scratch that, while it's not immediately obvious, there are minuscule movements of the blade after Cyn starts stabbing Uzi - like N is trying to get it away from Uzi's neck while keeping eye contact with Cyn. He may still be seeing Uzi instead of Cyn at this moment (likely struggling between the two).

Something else to point out is that N is shaking even before Cyn grabs the blade. If you look at the tip of the weapon it's easier to tell. Again, chalking it up to not wanting to actually hurt Uzi.

This is a very nice parallel back to episode three. Aside from the hand-chopping part. Lots of limbs have been lost recently.

Ignoring the fact N was just raining fire down on Uzi, which is one of two times (don't quote me on that) he gets properly lethal, he tries hard here to not hurt her- almost like he's trying to get Uzi back in control.

It's hard to see here, but N is actually smiling as he holds Uzi's hand. Probably similar to what he does later - he is trying to remind Uzi of herself. Aside from the eyes, it feels like Uzi is reacting to this, looking surprised, before Nori takes her hand off to stop Cyn from creating more pockets of voids and closing the current ones.

But Cyn isn't done yet.

Once again, she uses N's affections against him to save herself. But in doing so, she allows N to finally crack through to Uzi, even if not by much.

It's comical that this is what helps Uzi gain control again, although what else would we expect? Even so, probably another favorite moment of mine.

Again, if anyone was doubting Nuzi... the team cannot get more obvious than this. Until we get an outright verbal confession... which is yet to be seen, sadly enough.

Unsure if N knew this would help Uzi or if he just wanted to let Nori know about him and Uzi before she died. This may just be him being lovesick for his possessed girlfriend.

Jokes aside, a lot of people took this as N saying they've been dating since episode five. I don't... think that's necessarily the case. I keep seeing the phrase "she fell first, but he fell harder," when discussing Nuzi and honestly? Yeah, he did. But dating since before episode six? That doesn't make sense, since we've been following their relationship since episode one, and it's not like it's irrelevant to the story. It's actually a huge part of Murder Drones, romantic or not, so any developments like the two dating would make more sense to happen in front of the audience and actually be addressed.

I think this is more of him sort of declaring his love for Uzi, in the most N way he can.

Ahh... although the dating part may be a bit irrelevant due to their predicament. They are both somewhat aware of how the other feels but have yet to discuss anything as Uzi states later. Likely due to uh, certain events happening around them.

When N sees Uzi come to, he starts laughing because of how relieved he is. And then promptly screams in horror at Uzi's next actions (I'm sure Nori is fine).

A small thing, but I thought it was an interesting reaction to have after having fought the previously possessed girl.

I think the fact that the two defaulted to freaking out after seeing each other is really sweet, funnily enough.

The way the two immediately start bantering, almost frantically, makes it feel like the two are looking for some sort of familiarity after all that's been happening. Moving instinctively closer to each other. Yes, maybe so they don't have to shout; but more importantly, after everything they've gone through, they want to be near each other.

And when they meet in the middle? They embrace each other, Uzi tightening her own hold and weeping into N's arm. N himself petting and caressing Uzi's head, both to comfort her and reassure himself that she is finally here with him.

...unfortunately, that is not the end of this post, nor the episode (as you've probably guessed).

After Cyn interrupts and attacks the duo, she descends into her pit of hell where she plans on dragging them.

You can see Uzi desperately trying to reach N, trying to get him to respond. That is her only goal in this moment, making sure that he is okay and alive.

I feel as if I am repeating myself... but yes, that heart is also purposeful. It's interesting how the tentacles split after forming, proceeding to drag N and Uzi apart with Uzi grasping at the ground trying to get back to N.

It literally tears them away from each other, and you can see how Uzi is forced to let go only to try and grab ahold of N.

She manages just in time to grab him, while impaling her hand onto some bones sticking up from the fleshy pit to stop both herself and N from falling further.

And we know this isn't a painless process, as drones have been shown to actively show pain. She doesn't care, she is doing all she can to save N, even if it hurts her. You can see how her arm starts ripping apart from her own hand as tentacles begin pulling harder.

But when Uzi sees N wake up, she gives him a smile, with a small, shakey, "Hey."

She knows they're likely about to die. And while N may have clones, Uzi does not. And even so, there's no way Cyn would allow N to remember anything that's happened, Uzi's firewall likely only protecting this N.

And as her final words she begins to thank him. For being her first friend. The first to believe in her. The first to show concern to her. The first to stay with her despite everything.

But when she sees that key?

She finishes thanking her first love and throws him away from their shared doom.

Uzi is genuinely so glad she's met N, and it shows in her expression here. She is saving the one good thing that has happened to her since her mom left her.

She knows N isn't going to be okay with this, that this won't be easy for him, and won't be easy for her, as she's assuming her own death in saving him.

Because of this, she doesn't want N's last memory of her to be herself being scared and unsure. So she tells him to "Die Mad," and flings him out of the chapel to both prevent him from attempting to save her and witnessing her death.

And you can see N was ready to jump in, determined to get her back and to save her. He uses his blades once again as a crutch, flaring his wings out in preparation to fly towards her.

Uzi doesn't let him, and for the last time pushing him away to save him from their once-shared fate.

I think Uzi's message to N will come into play later when they inevitably confront Cyn for the last time. Whether or not Uzi is there with him, he won't be able to forgive Cyn for controlling him and hurting him along with his loved ones.

And... that's the post! ending on a sad note but uh... we are talking about episode seven so there's no avoiding that haaaah.

If I missed something or you want further discussion feel free to send an ask or reply/respond to this post, love talking about shit.

Take a Nuzi dancing gif to go (I'm also sad now so this is really an excuse to put this at the end of my post).

Have a good one!

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midnightsnyx · 1 year

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what if i told you (i love you) part 1 - joel miller

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader

summary: five years ago, pregnant and alone, you left boston after a fallout with joel but when he shows up in jackson, you have to deal with the aftermath. word count: 1.4k warnings: angst (loads), mentions of pregnancy, non-specified age gap, (please let me know if i missed something!) a/n: this is my first time writing joel so pls go gentle on me lol I am planning on making this a series if u guys like it! let me know :) i know joel is usually pegged as a girl dad which i love but i thought it would be fun to write a mini joel! this isn't edited so i apologize for all mistakes. also i am taking requests now so ask away! masterlist ask box what i write taglist signup

You hadn’t anticipated seeing him. When you left the Boston QZ five years ago after finding out you were pregnant, you never wanted to see Joel Miller’s face again. Not after you broke the news and he told you to get out - that he wanted you gone. Tess had told you to give him a few days to cool down and let the news sink in, so you did. You waited a couple days, which turned into a week and another and once a month passed, you realized you couldn’t wait around for Joel to get his head out of his ass so you packed up and left Boston. You had heard rumors of settlements out West and took the chance of going to one. It was a risky move, especially being pregnant, but raising a child in the QZ was impossible. Bringing a life into this world alone was cruel but if you could make it to one of the settlements, you thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. And you did. After months of traveling and close calls, you made it to Jackson. You couldn’t believe how close to normal it was there. It felt like before the outbreak which felt impossible but somehow they did it. You made friends and had support when you finally delivered.

Little Jack came into the world with the helping hands of Maria and your friend Avery. You named him after Jackson, the little community that welcomed you with open arms. He was absolutely perfect and as he grew, he looked more and more like Joel. It hurt you that Joel wasn’t here to see his son grow but he had made his decision the day he told you to leave.

The life you built in Jackson was good enough. You taught at the small school in the morning and spent the rest of your day with Jack and your friends. Every so often you went on patrol but with Jack, you had to find someone to watch him. Avery offered to keep him for the afternoon while you went out with Maria and some others for a quick patrol. Someone thought they heard gunshots going off and your group was sent to check it out. You thought you would come across some raiders or maybe a couple stragglers but what you weren’t expecting was to find Joel Miller and some random kid. It didn’t surprise you that he was looking for Tommy and you watched for Maria’s reaction when he told her his name.

In Jackson, Joel’s name wasn’t a popular one to those who heard it. Tommy had recounted the days that he, Joel, Tess and others had spent that still gave him nightmares and you didn’t have many good things that you shared about him. You kept the good things to yourself and only let yourself think about them on nights you were particularly lonely or sad. She hid her reaction better than you would have but you were a little surprised when she invited them back to town. As soon as you got back, you went straight to the stables to drop off your house before going to pick up Jack from Avery’s. You wanted to just go home but he fought you tooth and nail to go to the dining hall to see Hazel, an older woman in Jackson who was the first person to take you in when you first arrived. She treated you like a daughter and in turn, treated Jack as a grandson.

When you got there, Hazel was delighted to see him and you couldn’t help but smile when Jack squealed and ran straight for her. Watching them, you felt a set of eyes on you and when you looked, they met Joel’s. As usual, his expression was impossible to read. He was sitting with the girl, Ellie you’d briefly heard, along with Tommy and Maria.

“Some new folks, huh?” Hazel asked, breaking you out of your daze. She knew the story about Joel so you were hesitant to tell her who they were but she would find out eventually.

“Yeah, Tommy’s older brother and the girl is Ellie,” you told her, “apparently they traveled all the way from Boston.”

You watched as the realiztion slowly dawned on her face, hiding an amused smile when she said, “where’s my shotgun?”

“It’s fine,” you tried to reassure her, “I don’t think they’re staying.”

She huffed, “I should’ve poisened that food.”

You shook you head, taking Jack when he reached out to you. He was getting sleepy, resting his head on your shoulder and babbling nonsense. You could still feel Joel’s gaze, so you told Hazel you would see her tomorrow and started walking out when you heard your name called.

Tommy.

You weren’t sure what his plan was, he knew your past with Joel so you took your time walking over to where the four individuals were seated. Maria was giving Tommy a dark look and you knew she didn’t agree with his interfering.

“Hey,” you said lightly, trying to ignore Joel’s eyes that were now focused on Jack. Ellie was looking between you and Joel and you could almost see the wheels turning in her brain.

“I was wondering if you had time to take Ellie to the house next to yours and let her have a shower? Maybe find some new clothes?” Tommy asked and held his hand up when Joel started to argue.

“Sure,” you said, motioning for her to follow you. She gave Joel one look before following you out the door. It was cold and you hugged Jack, who was now asleep, tighter to you. She was silent until you were a couple minutes away from the house, whistling.

“So, I take it you and Joel know each other?” She questioned, walking faster to keep up with you. You wanted to drop this kid off before she accidentally got answers out of you. She continued pestering you after you just shrugged and you wondered how Joel, of all people, managed to make it from Boston with the girl. She seemed sweet enough but lord, she was chatty.

“What’s his name?” She asked, pointing to the sleeping boy in your arms as if there was another child around.

“Jack,” you told her and she smiled.

“Like, Jackson?”

“Nice catch,” you praised and she grinned.

You showed her to the shower, before searching for some clean clothes. It took a few trades but you managed to get her some fresh clothes and a new jacket. When you returned to the house, you ran into the one person you were hoping to avoid. He froze when you walked in the front door, clothing in hand and Jack still on your hip. Your back was aching from carrying him but he was unusually clingy. His eyes locked on Joel, head tilting slightly before reaching out for the older man, surprising the two of you. Joel stood frozen even as Jack reached for him, whining slightly.

It was Ellie who broke the awkward silence, walking down the stairs in the fluffy robe you left for her. “You gonna take the kid, or what? He’s not contagious.”

You were hesitant to let Jack go but after he let out an angry wail, you put him down and watched as he walked over to Joel and reached for him, making a grabby motion with his tiny fists, the universal pick me up signal from a child. The man awkwardly picked him up and you immediately saw the similarities between the two. You always thought he looked like Joel but looking at the two of them together, a paternity test wouldn’t be needed.

“Woah,” Ellie said, taking Jack’s hand when he reached towards her, “he looks just like you.”

You ignored the insinuating tone in her words, opting to watch the interaction between the two boys. Joel’s sole attention was now on the toddler in his arms. His whole body softened when Jack rested his head on his chest and you suddenly felt a rush of emotions. Shoving the clothes in Ellie’s arms, you took Jack from Joel and fled out the door, ignoing both voices calling out to you. You didn’t stop running until you were in your own house and rushed to put Jack to bed before going to your own room. Not bothering to change, you crawled under the covers and tried to hold back the sobs threatening to escape you.

You had spent the last five years trying to get over the heartbreak Joel Miller caused you and suddenly the man himself showed up and brought back evey single feeling you had for him.

And you hated him for it.

#joel miller x y/n #joel miller reader insert #joel miller x reader #joel miller imagine #allies writing #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us imagine #pedro pascal fanfiction

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randomfandomblabdom · 11 months

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I really need to vent about how much I like Cal and Merrin's dynamic in Jedi: Survivor cause they've quickly become probably my favorite canon pairing in the franchise.

I absolutely love that this relationship is built on the basis of friendship, respect, and a genuine mutual understanding of each other. From gameplay comments and conversations, Cal is very clearly so enamored with Merrin and literally everything about her. I know it's become a bit of a joke how clearly into her he is but he just thinks she's the most incredible being in the entire galaxy and it's honestly the sweetest thing. The writers could have very easily made his connection to Merrin a weakness or had it where it made his struggle with the darkness harder but I adore that they allowed him to be completely smitten with her and presented it as a strength. It's refreshing not only in Star Wars but in media in general, at least in my opinion. Love being presented as a positive asset is something so deeply missing in media nowadays - especially romantic love. Far too often in this day and age, love is presented as a weakness or something that will only bring you down, so I respect the fuck out of this writing.

Oops, this got really, really long so I'm putting the rest under a cut. It's kind of spitfire, so I apologize if it feels random.

I love how their first kiss is Merrin basically making a split-second decision where she realizes she doesn't want to die without kissing him at least once even if it runs the risk of making things awkward should they survive. Is it cliche as fuck? Absolutely, but it works so well in this instance. Cal being so dumbfounded, gawking at her like a fish, trying to process what the hell just happened that BD has to remind him they're literally about to die is the best thing too.

I appreciate that Cal is so obviously hesitant about giving into any sort of romantic feelings for Merrin because, of course, he would be due to his upbringing. He's pushing so hard against it to the point that he's even completely reluctant to so much as discuss it with Bode when they're on the Lucrehulk. Personally, I don't think Cal is oblivious to their potential feelings for each other. I've never been a huge fan of treating Cal as completely naive. He still might be a bit emotionally stunted, sure but he's lived 10 years outside of the Jedi Order at this point. I think he's hesitant to talk about it because first of all, it's really none of Bode's business but also, if he talks about it, he has to admit it, and if he admits it, that makes it real, and if it's real... well fuck, now he has to do something about it either way which is exactly what he's trying to avoid. I think he's trying to stay as neutral about it as he can until he gets to a point in the story/his arc where he decides he actually wants or feels ready to make a decision. Bode almost gets it out of him too before they're interrupted. The progression of Bode's questioning during that mission is something I actually find really interesting but that's a different topic.

Many people have pointed this out but Cal smiling so brightly while Merrin is clearly freaking the fuck out of Bode is just the cutest thing. Not only because he finds such humor in her scaring the shit out of people for fun when he of all people knows it's a running joke but he also goes along with the joke any chance he gets. He does this even when she's not around. People will be freaked out by her and he still plays along and it's not even like, "Yeah, I know, she's fucking scary bro," it's more like, "Yeah, I know, she can wake the dead, isn't it amazing how scary she is!" Someone else already pointed this out in another post but that feels almost more intimate than any kiss they share. His attraction to her encompasses all sides of her including those that many people find incredibly terrifying and I find that so endearing, he wouldn't ask her to change for anything. He's the only person who genuinely isn't freaked out by her in the slightest but not only that, he finds that side of her to be so incredible. Also, Cal being so blase with Bode about his obvious attraction to Merrin a mission prior and then having the most blatant sexual tension with her in front of Bode in the next scene is peak comedy, I don't care what anybody says. Like, Cal, honey, you just spent the entire previous mission trying to convince Bode (and yourself) there's nothing there and/or you're not pursuing it, so you're not doing yourself any favors by looking at her like that, standing that close to her, and speaking to her with the cadence of a lover bro.

I love that the second Cal walks onto the Mantis after killing Rayvis, she instantaneously picks up on the fact that something's wrong. Literally instantaneously. You can see her face drop the moment she sees him. She just knows something happened. Her ability to read him insanely well is something that is introduced very early on in the game, most noticeably in the campfire scene, and it stays consistent over the course of the story. The following conversation they have is honestly one of the best moments between them in the entire game. It's this type of conversation I've been wanting to see with a Jedi and their potential lover since Revenge of the Sith. He is so open with her even in a somewhat roundabout way about his genuine fear of losing himself and while the conversation is not explicitly about their relationship, the implication is still there and she 100% picks up on it, especially since he wonders aloud why Santari didn't see the change in Dagan before it was too late. Instead of shaming him for his reservations or calling it ridiculous or anything else she could have said at this moment, she instead decides to possibly help curb those fears and give him some comfort regarding it. She goes on to basically tell him in so few words she knows what she's signing up for and is willing to cross those bridges with him if they come. It's a great difference between Cal and Dagan. Though it's never outright stated that Dagan and Santari were in love, I feel like it's... pretty heavily implied, or at least he was definitely in love with her (was I the only one who read it that way??) but whereas Dagan demands that Santari talk him away from the darkness and seems to almost expect her to, Merrin herself plainly offers to do it with no prodding on Cal's part. It doesn't seem to be a burden Cal wanted to put on her, not something he was inherently expecting of her but she willingly offers, it is her choice, she wants to carry that burden with him. While she does seem maybe slightly annoyed by his hesitancy regarding their relationship to each other, she is also so incredibly patient with him while he's stewing over what he wants to do. It's beautiful. As a side note, "A shared dream is not so easy to wake from," is such an amazing line. Seriously, I want merch with that quote on it.

I liked that going through with the relationship was Cal's choice in the end. Merrin didn't push it, she didn't pressure it. She let him bring it up and come to her when he was ready and if that meant potentially being rejected by a man she very clearly adores, so be it, and I have no doubt she would've respected that choice if that's what he'd wanted. I know a lot of people seem to think he only makes this decision due to Bode's questions earlier but it really seems to be a combination of multiple things that lead to this. Bode picking his brain definitely got him thinking about it, maybe more than he wanted to, but I do think the other big part of Cal being willing to go forward with it at this moment is his confrontation with Dagan that, while an illusion, did cause him to come to grips with his own mortality in a way. "How does it feel knowing you're about to die. That your life meant nothing." As Cal says, Dagan uses an extremely powerful force hallucination based on fear here, so while losing himself to the darkness might scare him, his life being completely meaningless is what he seems to fear the most. Cal's journey throughout Survivor encompasses many things but one of them revolves around feeling aimless and finding a purpose, preferably outside of being a hired weapon that will surely and slowly consume him. It's what everyone consistently tells him: find a home, settle down, embrace happiness because it's fleeting, the path you're on is not healthy and will consume you otherwise...etc. His decision here to give in to his romantic attraction to Merrin is a culmination of all of these interactions and conversations he's had throughout the story, how they've influenced his line of thinking, and him coming to his own conclusions regarding what he personally wants and at this moment, when things are finally, calm and everyone is in a good place with a plan going forward, he personally decides there's no point in living up to the expectations of the Jedi when the Order doesn't exist anymore and wants to see where this could go.

I love the fact that when Merrin witnesses Cal's darkness in the ISB, it's made abundantly clear that she's just as afraid of losing him as he most likely is of losing her. I do think a major reason why she was able to talk him down at the moment is that he fundamentally understands what it feels like to lose everything and everyone, your entire livelihood. That is what they first bonded over and it's something that keeps them bonded in the saddest, yet most profound way and he would never want to add himself to the list of people she's lost. She's also doing exactly what she said she would. In an instance where again, she reads him like a fucking book, she can tell just from his responses on the intercom that he's losing himself and is guiding him back. She immediately went to rescue him as she says. No question, no argument, nothing, she simply does it. She made him a promise and she kept it and in that moment, he promises that she won't lose him, he won't allow it. This is a fundamental difference between Anakin and Padme's dynamic and Cal and Merrin's. While Anakin's love for Padme quite famously ends up extremely selfish in an "I would lose myself to ensure you're not ripped away from me" type of way, Cal and Merrin's dynamic is leaning towards a more selfless, "I won't allow myself to be lost because I can't let that happen for your sake," type of way and god damn it, I love it.

There are several interactions they have in gameplay that I'm lowkey peeved weren't included in cutscenes and one of them is when Cal returns to the Mantis after all but demolishing the ISB, they have this really short but great interaction where Merrin says that if he ever feels that way again, he needs to tell her. She doesn't even ask him to do it, she all but demands it, "If you feel that way again, you will tell me." She's demanding communication from him regarding the darkness and he doesn't fight this demand at all. He agrees to respect this request and I fucking love that from both of them. I will genuinely be kinda upset if we don't get a moment like that in the next game.

I like how their kiss after they've successfully navigated the abyss is kind of their first kiss inverted but instead of "omg we might die, I need to kiss you" it's more "holy shit, we survived, I need to kiss you," but instead of Merrin initiating, now it's Cal. I'm probably reading too much into that but whatever, it's cute.

This isn't about any one part in particular but I do love that it looks like the headcanon so many people had regarding Merrin most likely being quite physically affectionate is turning out to be true.

...I think that's enough for now lol I might add on some things later

Apologies for any typos and thanks for indulging my rambling if you got this far.

#star wars #jedi survivor #jedi survivor spoilers #cal kestis #nightsister merrin #merrical #calmerrin #cal x merrin #dagan gera #santari khri #bode akuna #mine

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noxturnalpascal · 13 days

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Devotion 🖤 II. Predator or Prey? (Ch 7)

CultLeader!Joel x OFC!Reader

Series Summary: When is it enough? When is it too much? When does Devotion become Obsession?

Visit the Series Masterlist for series warnings, cult info, timeline info, and HCs on ages. Reader has a nickname and some minor physical descriptions - is an OFC from Reader POV.

*This series is 18+ MDNI. I will not be listing individual chapter warnings as I don't want to spoil the plot of each chapter. Please see the series masterlist for entire series warnings to decide if this is for you.*

⚠️PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THE SERIES WARNINGS, ESPECIALLY: references to previous SAs (not described in detail), manipulation, thoughts of self-harm and suicide.⚠️

II. Predator or Prey?

CH 7 (7.8k) | 10 Weeks Later | It’s the last Thursday in March and you’re helping pack up the wagon for Hank and his daughter, Amber, to make one of their weekly trips into town. The milk churns are loaded in the back, filled and ready for delivery to the Valley residents in town. You double check the breast collars on the horses and the traces going to the wagon while Hank asks if you’re sure you don’t wanna come with? He asks every week and every week your answer is the same.

“No thank you, Hank, there’s plenty to do here.”

While that’s certainly true, it’s not the real reason you never join them. There’s plenty to keep you busy and never a shortage of chores on a dairy farm, especially one that has almost no electrical power to help run it. But the more honest reason you don’t join them in town is that it would complicate your ability to avoid Joel. Part of you felt a finality when you got here, that whatever it was between you was over and you’d start fresh and finally be rid of him. But you should have known better. You should have known he’d still haunt you.

Your mind has still been full of him, filled with memories of the good times and the bad. You think you see him out of the corner of your eye, in places he shouldn’t be, but when you turn to look, of course he isn't there. Sometimes you think you can smell him when you walk into your room at night, but he’s definitely never been in there. You can usually avoid actively seeing him, since Hank doesn’t like to attend the Friday night events and Joel would never come this far out of town with as busy as he’s kept by Tess. But you can’t avoid him on Sundays.

Hank never presses the issue when he asks you to join him on Thursday nights, but joining them on Sundays isn’t optional. As a devout man, Hank requires everyone to dress in their best clothes and make the hour-long ride into town so you can all sit in the big, old church and hear about God’s plan for you. Every Sunday you see Joel in the front row, sitting through the service before he gets up and makes his usual speech. You scoot down in the pew, making yourself as small as possible, trying not to draw attention. He gives you none.

Once the service is over, everyone funnels out of the church to the rec hall next door. You walk past the closet where you were on your knees for your false god and try not to burn at the shameful feeling that washes over you, twisting your stomach into knots. You hate him. You miss him. You hate yourself. Sometimes Tess comes over to your table at dinner and talks to the Mansfields, making sure to ask how you’re doing and gives you kind smiles. But Joel never comes over. He sits at his table with the other women – and Beth – and keeps his back turned to you.

You once thought that it seemed like he was putting extra effort into purposely not looking your way. You pushed the preposterous thought from your mind until you realized too late one Sunday that you were in a line to shake his hand before dinner. You were busy re-plaiting Amber’s braid at her insistence and didn’t notice how close you were to him until you heard his gruff voice speaking to Hank. It was too late for you to run the other way, which is what you usually did, so instead you ducked down, trying to hide behind Amber, knowing it was futile.

Amber beamed at him, shaking his hand with both of hers, bubbling with praise over how great his speech was and what a great job he did. Her little crush on him had never been more annoying than it was at that moment. You knew that he knew you were there, there was no way to hide your entire body behind Amber’s diminutive frame. And yet, you watched his eyes jump over you and land on the next person in line, completely – and purposely – ignoring your presence. He was definitely making an effort.

–

All of that happened nearly two months ago and now you just make absolutely sure to pay attention and stay away from him on Sundays, so you don’t have to notice him not noticing you. In fact, these days you hardly think of him at all. Okay, maybe that’s not quite true, but you’d like to think that in comparison to when you first got to the Mansfield’s, you’re doing much better.

The first night you’d arrived, Amber had led you up the stairs to her room, which she said you’d be sharing. The room was huge, probably three times bigger than the room you had been calling yours. You had a comfortable bed all to yourself on one side of the room as well as three dresser drawers and half the closet to fill with your things. You hadn’t brought anywhere near enough clothes to go in the spaces, but you found that Beth had unexpectedly left several items of clothing behind in a size that fit you.

When the lanterns were snuffed out for the night you’d laid your head on the pillow and cried heaving, muffled sobs, hoping Amber wouldn’t hear you. Why were you crying? You had more space and more autonomy at that moment than you’d had in months. You had a bedroom door that closed and a family that was eager to have you. No one was going to hit you, touch you, or scream at you. You were safe. And yet you felt so alone. More alone than you had in a very long time.

You’d let yourself cry until your head ached, and then you got up and walked to the bathroom, splashing some cold water on your warm, puffy face. You looked in the mirror and began to chide your pitiful reflection.

Why are you crying over him? Why would you miss him? What is wrong with you?

These same thoughts repeated for the first week, playing over and over in your mind every time you started to feel sad. So stupid of you to cry as if you were the only one in the world with problems. The whole world had gone to hell and you were crying because some man lied to you. You shouldn’t have even fucking trusted him in the first place. You’d let yourself fall right into his trap even though everything inside you was telling you not to.

–

You wonder if he misses you or if he’s already moved on to the next one. Maybe Beth has fully replaced you and his focus is on her now, already suffocating her with affection and fucking her in your old bed. Had he asked Tess about you, or Hank, or anyone? You have thoughts about getting sick or even dying, and wonder what he would say when he heard, if he would feel bad, if he would shed a tear. He most likely wouldn’t care at all, his fixation with you having run its course. You were yesterday’s news.

You think about hurting yourself and if he’d do anything about that. Maybe he’d come out to the farm and visit you; sit by your bedside and read to you. Maybe he’d throw you over his knee and spank you for it. You wonder if you should leave The Valley, and you’re not sure which would hurt more; him coming after you or him letting you go. Maybe you should kill yourself. He’s not around to stop you. No one is.

Goddamnit, you are so fucking dramatic. None of this shit matters, anyway – your life was always a burning pile of trash and it was always going to be a burning pile of trash. A couple-months-blip of whatever pseudo-relationship you had with this man was not the pinnacle of your life. He wasn’t sent by some higher power to save you. You weren’t two halves of a whole, ripped apart at the beginning of creation, roaming the ends of the earth to find each other again. Get a fucking grip.

Oh, you were used by a man for your body? What else is new? That’s not breaking fucking news, that’s just what men do. That’s what men do to you. That is what your life has always been and clearly you’re some kind of magnet for this behavior. There is obviously something about you that all these men see and it calls out to them that you’ll fall for their bullshit every time and they can take whatever they want from you. You’re doing something wrong, leading them on somehow. You deserve this. You were asking for it.

At the end of the first week you’d told yourself you weren’t gonna go on with these spiraling, obsessive, pathetic thoughts about him anymore. You were exhausted at feeling this way and were sure everyone around you was getting tired of it too, of you moping around the farm like Eeyore, sniveling and crying. You were distracted all the time, head in the clouds. Months worth of hopes and dreams played over and over in your mind, each recalled moment had hit you like a fucking shotgun blast to the stomach.

Giggling in the hallway while he kissed your neck and tickled your skin with his stubble. Pow.

The phantom feeling of his fingertips tracing circles on your skin while he reads to you. Pow.

The heat of his body behind you, sniffing your hair, whispering, “Good morning, baby.” Pow.

His tongue sliding along your bottom lip, licking into your mouth, tasting you. Pow.

How stupid were you to think that’s what your life was going to be like? As if it could ever be like that. Your life isn’t a fucking movie, it’s not a love song, it’s not some sappy romance novel. You’re not the main character, you’re not the heroine. You don't get a happy ending. You get to be used. You get to be left. You get to be alone. You get to be hungry. You get to feel empty.

That’s what you had before, why would it be any different now, here – at the end of the world? Why would you deserve anything different?

–

You need to stop your hyper-fixating thoughts, you feel like you’re going crazy out here, haunted by him. There’s no one you can talk to or confide in, no one you trust. You have to find a way to get this out of your system. You need to figure out how to move on. You decide you’re going to let yourself have each memory one time, and then you’re gonna pack it up and send it away, so it can’t hurt you anymore.

You find an old stack of newspapers in the loft of the barn and begin ripping off small sections. Each time you have one of these spiraling thoughts of him – losing yourself in a memory – you walk to the edge of the property and stand next to the creek that runs through there. You let yourself have the thought, from start to finish, and before you can repeat it or turn it over in your head to overthink it, you crumple the scrap of paper in your hand – crunching it down into a tiny little ball – and throw it into the creek. Once it’s out of sight you don’t let yourself dwell on it anymore.

The conversation you had one evening, limbs entwined, between making out like teenagers on the chilly front porch, saying that if he’d met you before the world ended he’d have taken you out on a date.

“Where would you take me?”

“Out for ice cream, to a baseball game, maybe a drive-in movie.”

“What movie?”

“Any movie you wanted to see, baby.”

“What else?”

“I’d bring you flowers, hold your hand, kiss you goodnight.”

“Would you call me after?”

“Of course I would, you’d be my girl.”

His girl. His. His possession. Maybe that’s all he ever wanted; to own you like you were just another one of his little things on a shelf.

Into the river.

Right around Thanksgiving, he’d told you more about Sarah, his daughter. He’d told you she loved the color purple, drawing butterflies, playing soccer with her friends, and giving her old man shit. You’d thought the shine in his eyes when he talked about her was one of the best things about him.

“Single dad?”

“Yup.”

“Ever married?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Just never appealed to me.”

You didn’t read into it at the time but you wonder now if you shouldn’t have seen the signs, if it wasn’t obvious and you were just being willfully ignorant. Oh well.

Into the river.

You told him about going with a friend and her stepdad to their lake house for an overnight when you were little. You and your friend had spent all day playing in the water and when it was time for bed she was out as soon as her head hit the pillow. The loud, squealing of the air conditioning kicking on and off kept you awake and you reluctantly got up to ask the only adult to make it stop. He suggested you sleep in his bed instead, lifting the covers for you to join him. Against your better instincts, you crawled in.

“How old were you?” he asked with gritted teeth.

“Maybe eight.”

He cursed under his breath. “Wasn’t right.”

“I know.”

“Wasn’t your fault.”

“I know that too.”

“He shouldn’t ha–”

“I know, Joel.”

“You tell anyone? Your mom, your dad?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know… I guess it felt like something you’re supposed to keep secret.”

“Did he ever–?”

“No. I never saw him again. And I never hung out with that girl again.”

What’s worse? The memory of it, the shame of recalling it in front of him, or the way he pitied you, holding you tighter in his arms that night than he ever had before?

Into the river.

This was your routine, sometimes once or twice a day, sometimes more. One particularly hard day early on you made nearly a dozen trips to the river. Amber asked if you were okay. You lied and told her you were fine. You had to let him go, each thought you released cleansing you of him, letting the water wash away your pain. This went on for weeks and weeks and you’re not sure if you’re actually getting better but you are feeling a little better and maybe that’s all you can hope for.

–

Amber used to ask you a million questions a day about him. What was Joel like? Was he nice? What was his house like? What did you do there? Was it fun? You didn’t have the heart to tell her that he was both your ultimate dream and your worst nightmare, that his house was a trap that he held you in while he manipulated and hurt you, and that he was a monster hiding in plain sight in this community he created just for that purpose. Instead of divulging that heinous truth, you suffice to tell her that Joel is kind, the house is nice, and living there was fine.

It was obvious that she had a little thing for him, but if you’re being honest she probably got it from her mother, who talked about Joel with the same dreamy lilt to her voice as Amber. Hank also seemed to get misty-eyed when he talked about what great things Joel has done for the people in this valley. A wolf emerges in the apocalypse, disguising himself as a shepherd, and the sheep all flock to him. You remind yourself not to judge them too harshly since you too were once one of the sheep.

You’d been living with the Mansfields for about a month when Amber started to make comments about Beth coming back to the house. Your stomach lept into your throat, thinking that it meant you’d have to go back to your tiny, doorless room at Joel’s house. But the more she spoke the more you realized she was acting like she would be the one going to live at Joel’s. You realized that you saw them last Sunday, hunched in a corner, talking to each other. You’d just assumed she had trapped him into talking to her, knowing how captivated she was with everything that came out of his mouth.

But now you wonder if they haven’t been growing closer, getting to know each other at the Thursday meetings she insisted on going to when you turned down Hank’s offer to accompany him as Beth had. Maybe he likes how infatuated she is with him, it certainly seems like that’s something he’d be into – being worshiped. Maybe he’s already offered her the little room at the top of the stairs. She can mend holes in clothes and cook much better than you ever could, maybe she’d suck his dick better than you too. You hate the way your insides churn even more at that thought.

He’s moved on, forgotten about you. He’s onto the next one. He doesn’t even look at you anymore.

Hank had his wife, Laurel, give you chores early on, doing some of the work that Beth used to do around the house. However, she quickly realized what Tess had already figured out, that you weren’t any good at that kind of stuff. Within a week you had exhausted her patience and she sent you out to the barn for Hank to find work for you.

You’re pretty sure Hank liked you, you’d always had nice conversations with him on Thursdays, relating to him that your grandparents had a farm and you’d grown up visiting it. You’d left out the part where the farm was no longer operational when you visited it and maybe Hank had been happy to have you and Beth switch rooms when he thought he was getting some kind of experienced farm worker. So Hank gave you plenty of work, as there was always a ton to do, and then left you unsupervised most of the day while he tended to the silo levels, the pasture fences, the sanitizing of the milk churns, and countless other tasks.

Two ranch hands – Danny and Diego – live at the house with the family and spend every day, all day, working with Hank to operate the farm. They help milk the cows and goats, tend to sick animals, help with feedings, take care of cleaning of the freestalls, and also pretty much do every single job that Hank assigns to you.

You think they felt bad for you, with your puffy face and red eyes, dragging yourself around the barn during that dark before dawn at the end of that first week. Feeling dejected and out of sorts, missing the familiarity of your old home, being useless at basic homestead chores – they kept catching you crying in any corner you could find to yourself. They started doing your work back then, and even though that was over two months ago, you still barely lift a finger. Hank never seems to notice, all he cares is that the work is done.

You don’t talk much, you just keep to yourself and pet the animals. For a while you thought they must think you were stupid, but it turns out they just wanted to get on your good side. One day early on, they asked if you’d told Tess or Joel about them, and not knowing what the answer should be, you’d muttered not yet, and ran away. It wasn’t until you walked into the barn one snowy morning weeks later and found them standing too close to each other that it even dawned on you what part of them they were asking about.

You knew Hank wouldn’t approve if he saw them behaving that way, if he knew what it implied. Maybe he’d already seen them, and a threat had been made. Hank was a conservative man, old fashioned and strict. You thought maybe the phrase small-minded might also apply, but Hank was kind to all of you, so you tried not to judge him too harshly. You weren’t entirely sure why Danny and Diego were worried about Tess or Joel finding out about their relationship, but you were pretty sure they wouldn’t give a shit.

Joel was probably fucking half the women in town, why would he care if two guys down the valley were fucking each other? You kept that tidbit to yourself, along with the stories that Tess used to tell you about her gay brother, so that Danny and Diego would keep helping you – keep doing all your work. That was probably a little fucked up, to hold it over their heads in a way, but it also kept your boots from being covered in cow shit from mucking stalls all morning and your fingers from freezing off while milking cows all afternoon. It also meant you got to hang out with baby goats, which was sometimes the only happiness you had.

–

It’s the last Sunday in March and you’re sitting in the middle of the pew, wedged between Amber and Diego, as Joel gets up to address the congregation. Before you can do your usual sinking down in the seat to make yourself less visible, you see Bianca out of the corner of your eye. Bianca is here! You haven’t seen her since she moved out of the house before Thanksgiving.

You’re so focused on trying to look around the people’s heads in front of you to see her that you aren’t fully listening to the announcement Joel is making. Everyone around you begins to stand up and applaud and it makes it impossible to see Bianca, so you stand as well, confused now what everyone is clapping for. Slowly the applause dies down and everyone is sitting back down, but trying to get a glimpse of your friend, you remain standing a little too long.

And that’s when you see it. The baby. A very small baby. A newborn baby. Joel is holding it and smiling and as everyone sits down he hands it back to Bianca. You forget you’re supposed to be sitting down and don’t notice that everyone else around you is already seated. You’re still standing there, staring at this baby. Bianca has a baby? Wait, is that Joel’s fucking baby?

Amber is tugging on your shirt sleeve but it’s too late, Joel has turned back to the crowd, and for the first time in ten weeks, he looks right at you. You can’t fucking move, you can’t look away. The two of you stare at each other for far too long and you notice people starting to look back and forth between you, a low murmur spreading over the mass. Amber starts pulling frantically on your arm and Hank’s voice booms from the end of the row, ordering you to sit down. You hear Tess hissing Joel’s name from the front row.

A cheshire cat grin creeps across his face and he finally breaks eye contact with you, turning to address the congregation once more. You sit, plopping down heavily in your seat. You think Hank and his wife are whispering about you and Amber is telling you how embarrassing that was, but you can’t hear anything over the thumping of your own heart and the ringing in your ears. Bianca was fucking pregnant… the whole time? The whole time. Bile rises in your throat. Only then does it dawn on you that Tess moved her out when she started to show. That’s why she was getting bigger. Saliva begins to flood your mouth.

Joel fucked every woman in that house. Jesus fucking Christ, you were so blind. Your stomach lurches. He must fuck Tess too. No wonder Tess wanted you out of there – you were taking up too much of his time, too much of his focus. That’s probably why she sent Bianca away too, looking at her pregnant belly would have been a reminder that Joel was fucking all those other people. Tess must be jealous, right? You don’t blame her. You’d be jealous too. Fuck, you are jealous. Still. Even now, after all this time.

You jump up out of your seat and scrabble over laps, ignoring Hank’s protests you exit the pew and dart out of the sanctuary. Once in the foyer you run into the nearest bathroom and retch into the sink, unable to make it to the toilet. Once the contents of your stomach have been emptied out, you splash your face with water and rinse your mouth out.

–

You hide in the bathroom until the service ends, listening as people pass by the door, telling Amber you’re fine and you’ll meet the family in the rec hall when she comes in to check on you. You wait until you don’t hear any more conversation or shuffling feet in the foyer to finally exit the bathroom. The entire building is empty except for one other person who is waiting outside the bathroom when you come out.

Joel.

Your boots squeak on the floor as you stop quickly in your tracks with the full weight of his attention on you now. You forgot how heavy it feels, locked in his gaze – an invisible weight pushing down on your body and trapping you where you stand. You can’t run away, you can’t even manage to look away. How does he still have this fucking effect on you? He stands before you, seemingly just a man, but taking up the whole room, monumental and intimidating. But in this moment, caught up in the flood of emotions you feel, you forget that you’re supposed to be afraid of him. You forget because the strongest thing you feel right now is anger.

“Is that your baby?” you snarl.

He scoffs and waits a beat, letting you anticipate his response. “That’s none of your goddamn business,” he replies – in a church – one corner of his mouth turning up.

“Fuck you.”

He cocks an eyebrow and takes a single step towards you, a reminder that you should be afraid of him. You gasp and take two steps backwards, colliding with the wall behind you, your head hitting it with a thump that echoes in the empty hall. He’s searching your face now, eyes pausing on your mouth. You’re reminded that the closet where he had you on your knees is only a few feet away. Your heart starts to race and you take rapid breaths, feeling the adrenaline begin to course through your veins.

No. He’s not gonna intimidate you. He’s going to fucking answer you.

“Who’s baby was that?” you ask again, louder this time. He looks surprised you’re still speaking. “Is that your fucking baby?”

“What do you care?” he snaps.

“I– I don’t,” you stammer.

Another scoff. He’s fucking laughing at you. Another smug grin. This son of a bitch.

“Well now,” he shakes his head slowly, “That really doesn’t seem like the truth.” He takes measured steps forward, closing in on you.

“It is,” you manage to squeak out, swallowing around the lump in your throat with an audible gulp. This is the least fucking convincing thing you’ve ever said. “I don’t care. I just wanna know–”

Tsk, he hums, interrupting you. “Sounds like a lie to me,” he shakes his head more and takes another step, nearly toe to toe with you now.

You do everything in your power to keep your chin up, to keep your eyes locked on his and your teeth gritted. You hate him. You miss him. You hate yourself.

“You’d know,” you spit. “All you do is lie.” You’re half insulting him, half reminding yourself.

“At least I’m good at it, sweetheart.”

–

The ride back to the farm is quiet. Laurel asks if you’re feeling okay but otherwise no one mentions the scene you and Joel made during the service. Once you get back you head to your room with Amber, both of you changing into less formal clothes to do your afternoon chores. You dress slowly, letting her finish first and leave you alone in the room.

You pull the backpack Tess had given you the night you came here out of the back of the closet. When she had handed it to you behind the skating rink, it was already packed with your clothes and any little trinkets you’d had in your room. She’d packed you a couple books but you noticed she hadn’t included the one Joel had given you on Christmas, the one you never read, the one you never even took to your room, the one you tried not to think about every time you saw it sitting on the mantle.

You had told her you would give Beth your room and she pulled this bag out of a wagon, ready to send you on your way. She was ready for you to go even if you weren’t, and so you went. That night. Without so much as a goodbye. You take that bag now and hold it by your legs, walking down the stairs to the basement as casually as possible.

When you come up from the basement, you run out to the barn to pretend to do your afternoon chores. Danny and Diego do anything you were expected to do and you spend time petting some of your favorite goats and hanging out in the hayloft. When the sun begins to set you rip a large piece of newspaper off the stack and climb down, sneaking out of the barn, down the lane, and to the creek.

It’s time to let go of another memory. Maybe your last one? This is a big one. You’ve been holding onto it, trying your best not to think of it, willing yourself to pass over it the way Joel’s eyes would pass over you on Sundays. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ve been unwilling to let it go. Until now. Now it’s time.

You let yourself remember the night…

You’d already let him into your pants in the hallway after the meeting a few weeks prior, and you knew that fucking him was an eventuality. That week the meeting ended late and every other person shuffled out of the meeting hall before you had even finished putting the chairs away. Joel stood at the door, holding it open for the last farmer and his son, letting the cold, snowy air pour in as he said his goodbyes.

When he quietly closed the door, he turned to the open, empty room and looked you in the eyes. He reached over and flipped all the light switches, casting the room in sudden darkness. With no time for your eyes to adjust you were temporarily blind, hands immediately out at your front, searching, waiting for him to sneak up on you. Your nervous giggle is interrupted by the flick and hiss of a match and then he’s right there, only a couple feet in front of you, lighting a candle.

He leans over and sets it on the ground and then brings his match to a second candle. He repeats this process until there is a wide circle of what must be a dozen burning lights surrounding you both on the floor. He steps inside the circle, holds out his hand for yours, and you swear you can hear music when he pulls you in tight to his body and begins swaying back and forth with you.

This is new, being alone together like this. You’ve never been anywhere so quiet with him. At home it’s hardly ever quiet, and even when you do get time alone with him, it always seems to be interrupted. If you go home right now, he goes to his bedroom, you go to yours, and the night ends – but here, dancing in his arms amidst the flames, time slows down.

“You’ve been keeping secrets from me, Joel,” you’d teased.

“Oh?”

“I didn’t know you could dance,” you’d said, your head resting on his body.

He grazed his lips across your cheek, placing kisses as he moved them to your ear.

“Maybe this is what we’d do on our first date,” he’d whispered.

“Dinner and dancing?”

“Dancing and breakfast,” he corrects.

“Breakfast?”

“The next morning,” he smiles, and you do too, and then he kisses you.

That kiss held a million promises. It made you forget everything that happened before him. That was when you knew you were in love with him. The earth stood still and everything else faded away. The warm circle of light illuminated you both and made the rest of the room seem even darker. Nothing outside that circle mattered. You were the only two people on earth. You existed only for each other.

He must have known it, at that moment, he must have been able to tell. It was obvious, wasn’t it? Your body went limp in his arms and you let every last trace of doubt and fear leave your body, submitting to your desire for him. Submitting to his desire for you. All pretense of dancing was given up and your passionate kisses became deeper.

He held you tight and slowly began to remove your clothing, calling you baby and whispering adorations to you in the flickering glow of the candlelight. Holding your breasts in his massive hands, he dipped his head to your chest, taking one of your nipples into his mouth and circling it with his tongue. He sucked the bud past his teeth and lightly bit down, soothing it with the flat of his tongue while you dragged your nails across his scalp, mewling at his ministrations.

It wasn’t until he finally got you completely naked that you’d realized he was still fully dressed. You kept trying to touch the front of his pants like you’d done before but he wouldn’t let anything but your pleasure be the focus. He let you grind yourself on him, his hands grabbing your ass, pushing you on his thigh, using his body for friction as you continued to makeout, but he wouldn’t let you give his cock any attention.

He slowly sunk you both down to the cold linoleum floor and at last began to unbutton his shirt. He shucked his flannel down his arms, leaving his undershirt on, and spread it out on the floor beside you. Using his hands to guide you, he positioned you on your hands and knees overtop his shirt.

You remember the feel of the soft green flannel under your knees, the cold air hitting the wetness that had smeared down your inner thighs, his burning hot hands running down your back to grab and spread your ass, and the gentle kisses he placed all over you. You could barely make out the quiet things he was saying he was going to do to you, it almost felt like he was talking to himself.

I’m gonna make you feel so good, baby. I’m gonna take care of you. Let me taste you, baby.

You had your head turned, watching him, until he bent down and began licking you. You closed your eyes as your face went red-hot with embarrassment that another person was seeing you like this, had his mouth on you there. You’d had boys put their mouth on your pussy before but never like this. Never with your most intimate parts spread wide and on display, a face buried in them and devouring you.

The boys before had laid you on your back and bobbed their head up and down, taking halting, tentative licks. You had waited for it to feel like it was supposed to, watching them fumbling in your folds only to give up mere minutes later, moving along to chase their own pleasure as if what they just did was anything close to what you wanted. Giving you just a glimpse of what it could be but never delivering what you needed, as if the act itself was perfunctory, just a means to an end. This was different.

Joel wasn’t tentative and he wasn’t fumbling. Joel knew exactly what he was doing, knew right where and how to touch you. Almost immediately your shame turned to pleasure as he lapped at you gently, swollen and extra-sensitive in anticipation as you were. This was what it was supposed to feel like. This is how a man was supposed to touch you. You began to moan and he pulled his face back a little, kissing and nuzzling your ass cheeks while bringing his hands to spread you again.

So fucking beautiful, you are so fucking beautiful here. Look how wet you are for me, baby. Can you feel this? Can you feel it? Do you know how beautiful you are?

You couldn’t even bring yourself to tell him to stop calling you beautiful because the next thing he did was slowly slide two fingers into your gushing hole. The sting of the stretch was eased by the pleasure of the fullness, his thick fingers taking up so much space inside you, pushing on your walls. You felt wetness practically flowing out of you and you thought it must be dripping down his hand. Before you could feel any embarrassment his fingers began to shift out and back in, and you immediately thought about how good his cock would feel filling you up like this, making you moan long and loud.

Yes baby, let me hear you, tell me how it feels. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you need.

You managed to blabber something about needing him to touch you there, somehow still too shy - despite your current condition – to say the word clit to him. You didn’t have to, he knew what you needed. He pulled his fingers out and you heard him shuffle around and when you worked up the courage to look backwards you saw his knees sticking up behind you. Oh shit. You looked down, underneath you instead. He’d positioned himself laying on his back, face up, directly under your cunt. You had never had anyone do this to you.

Come on baby, sit back. No, shhhh, it’s alright. Just lower yourself down a little, just like that baby. I need to eat this pussy. I need you, please.

He guided you down by your hips until his lips made contact with your core. You were too scared to put your full weight on him so you remained leaned forward a bit on your hands, hovering just above his head with shaking thighs, despite his incessant pulling on your ass downward and moaning into your wet heat. His lips closed around your sensitive bud and you felt him begin to gently suck on it.

You couldn’t believe he was doing this. You were dizzy with desire. Never in your life had anyone had their mouth on you like this, like they were making out with your cunt. You alternated between feverishly throwing your head back and lowering your chin to your chest to greedily take in the sight of him ravenously eating you. You had never felt such blinding pleasure at the hands of another and you couldn’t stop yourself from wailing in ecstasy. You watched him pull away from you to take deep, gulping breaths, licking his lips of your wetness spread all over the lower half of his face.

Sit down baby, you can sit on my face. Just relax, I’m gonna make you feel so good. I know what you need, baby. I’m gonna take care of you. You taste so good, so fuckin’ sweet. This pussy was made for me.

You were trying not to sit down on his face, trying not to suffocate him, trying not to think about what a fucking mess he was making of you and you of himself. When he slowly pushed his thick fingers back inside your wet clutch, any and all thoughts left your head completely. He increased the suction of his mouth on your clit and began to flick the tip of his tongue up and down, maintaining a steady tempo of stimulating your clit and fucking you on his fingers.

The pace he set was bringing you closer to your release – for the first time in your life you were able to push everything else out of your mind and focus on your own pleasure. You sat back on your knees a bit more, putting more weight onto him and letting his hands hold you at your hips. You reached between your legs to run your fingers through his hair, wanting to give him a fraction of the intimacy he was giving you. You could hardly believe it. This was how sex was supposed to feel. This is why people liked it so much. This is why it meant so much. You had never felt anything close to this. This was everything.

Never faltering in his movements, never breaking his rhythm, he carried you higher and higher, finally cresting over your peak. Head thrown back and gripping his hair in your fists, fireworks burst behind your eyes as his name poured out of your mouth. You let him guide your hips in slow, smooth movements across his face, riding out the waves of your climax.

With muffled groans he continued to eat you through your orgasm, grabbing handfuls of your ass and reaching up to pinch your nipples until his insatiable attention became overwhelming and started to sting, causing you to shrink away from his touch. He pulled back then, gently turned you on your back – still on top of his flannel – and you leaned back on your elbows as he moved back to your cunt, gently lapping up your release.

You couldn’t believe how good it still felt, his hot tongue gently rasping against your swollen lips, his wet breath panting across your core. He was still moaning into you, the vibrations a pleasant sensation as he licked up everything you could give him. He placed kisses on your inner thighs and over your mound before rising to help you up and get back into your clothes. It wasn’t until the next day that you’d realized Joel must have left your underwear somewhere scattered on the floor and had blushed, hoping that whoever found them later wouldn’t know it was you who’d lost them.

You did so good, baby, that was so good. You were so beautiful. You tasted so good. So good, baby.

You briefly noticed there was a wet stain on the front of his pants but you weren’t sure if it was from him or from you. He locked up and then carried you back to the house that night, your legs were complete jello. You were pretty sure Tess was still up when you got back but you couldn’t think about the state she saw you in, all you could think about was him. He’d put you down on the porch at your insistence but he still had to help you up the stairs to your room. You’d fallen into bed and were asleep within minutes.

That was the night you knew you were all-in. You gave yourself over to him completely. Even though you didn’t have sex, you knew you would have. You would have done anything for him, let him do anything to you. You would have let him ruin you. You were ready to give up every part of you, and knew you would have sex with him soon, knew that it was inevitable. That was the night you placed your heart into his massive hands and left it with him so that he could mangle it to pieces and leave you a broken person.

But even that’s not a fair assessment, is it? That’s not a correct memory. You were always a broken person. He didn’t cause it and he never could have fixed it. There was something inside you that was irreparable. It was never his job to fulfill your needy fantasies. You can be mad at him for lying to you but you need to face your own part in this. You did this to yourself. You put yourself in this position.

The only solution is to remove yourself from the equation. You don’t belong here, you never did. You probably don’t really belong anywhere. You’re not meant to be with him. He can’t fucking save you. You have to save yourself. You have to find your own way. You have to leave. You have to leave.

You focus on the feel of the delicate, aged paper in your hands, the soft squeaking noises it makes as you push it into your palm, the way you push it back and forth in your hands to get it as small as possible. Then you hold it in between your thumb and forefinger, hold your arm out over the water, and drop it in. You watch as the ball is quickly overtaken by moisture, pulled under the surface, and carried away on the current.

–

In the dimming light of dusk you can see inside the farmhouse quite well. Lit by lanterns, you see Laurel through the kitchen window, working with Amber to fix dinner as Hank sits in his chair in the living room reading his bible. You turn your head and see the two ranch hands in the far field, herding the goats into their shed for the night. No one is looking for you.

You pick up your backpack from the ground and secure it over your shoulders, walking down the lane for the last time, never to return.

🖤

Thank you so so so much to my amazing editor, @papipascalispunk, for helping me with this series, even when you're sick and high on cold medicine 🫂You're the fucking A-1 steak sauce.

TAGLIST (lmk if you wanna be added or removed) @strang3lov3 @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @covetyou @iamasaddie @sr-lrn @clawdee @theywhowriteandknowthings @beefrobeefcal @merz-8 @speckledemerald @alltheseperfectimperfections @survivingandenduring @afraidtofear @millennial-teenybopper @missladym1981 @xdaddysprincessxx @lumoverheaven @ghoulettesinspace @brittmb115 @wintersquirrel @obscurexsorrows @littlevenicebitch69 @lulawantmula @pedroswife69 @joeldjarin @heimtathurss @untamedheart81 @pixielou5 @feel1n-h1gh @elegantduckturtle @koshkaj-blog

#devotion series #cult leader joel miller #noxturnalpascal #ofc!reader #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller smut #joel miller fanfiction #pedro pascal characters

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pursuitseternal · 3 months

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Hi first of all, I wanted to tell you how much I love your fanfictions I'm always happy to see something new (ascended astarion and astarion spawn stories are my favourites but the others are captivating too). I was wondering if you could write a story where the original Tav dies and is reborn a few hundred years later and Astarion finds her again. Maybe in a more modern setting where the prudery thing isn't quite so… strong

I apologise for my bad English it's not my native language I hope you can understand it anyway

“Mistrial:” a Modern Faerûn AU

Astarion x Tav |E| 2.5K modern au

Ao3 link

Summary: Hundreds of years without her, Astarion still sits on the bench, Justice Ancunìn hear case after case. Until one day, that young prosecutor gets under his skin, until she confronts him after their trial, until ancient memories stir and things awaken.

A/N: Thank you to @myfavouritelunatic and @brabblesblog for their enabling and encouragement.

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“Justice Ancunìn, I have to object,” the little firecracker of a prosecutor ground her high heel into the tile of the courtroom.

Astarion shook his head, tired of her tone already on day one. “You don’t have to, counselor,” he rubbed two fingers against his silver-haired temple, “but given that this is already your twenty-second one today, I can’t say I’m surprised.” She looked at him with sharp eyes and folded arms. The little shit. He did not care for her already.

If this had been in the good old days when Faerûn was at its prime and most debauched, he could have her flogged for her tone and sent to cool in the stocks. And that would have been before he had been turned into vampiric spawn, before he had become hero of Baldur’s Gate with the love of his life at his side. Helping him learn how to hide his immortality and vampirism from the public, learning how to still serve as Magistrate despite his… condition.

That was until time moved on, and his immortality won over the lingering bonds of love. He missed Tav, her brilliance and ferocity, her pointed ears and sweet blood, her passion in life and in the bed.

Like the blink of an eye, he moved on. City to city, career to career as hundreds of years continued their slow grind of time. Until now, now, he stared down from his bench in BGC, new finagled magic in this modern age like cars and electricity and internet. But law was law, and a judge was a judge

It was as if he never left, aside from the new spitfire attorney, just arrived from New Waterdeep, with a ferocity he would have once admired.

He just now found it tiresome. Irritating. He realized after a moment, she had the decency to wait on his final word on her request for objection. He shifted in his seat, narrowing his eyes at her. “Overruled, Counselor Ylfe.” He banged his gavel twice. “In fact, court adjourned until tomorrow,” he stood grumbling to himself. “At least I’ll be spared a twenty-third objection in so many hours…”

His pointed ears picked up on a high pitched scoff. “We shall see,” that lawyer snipped to herself. But that tone, that defiance and jabbing quality… something piqued his interest.

Stirred his ancient memory.

He finally groaned as he rested in his chambers, only moments after shutting the doors and sliding off those scratchy robes. Gods, he missed silks and wigs and velvets. Not this cheap crap everyone wore. He went to his cabinet, taking out a discrete green bottle and pouring himself a mug of its swirling ruby contents. He popped it in his microwave, one improvement on the campfire he would not begrudge using.

Not when it made his stash of blood warm for once.

But even as it hummed, his mind kept rolling over his day. Especially that stubborn, annoying, irritating prosecutor with her defiant eyes and jutting out chin and crossed arms and swaying, perfect hips, and……

“Justice Ancunìn, I figured you would finally have a moment for us to address how to best proceed civilly in your own chambers,” his head shot up, his gaze narrowed as he watched her stride on into his offices.

Her.

“What in the hells are you thinking, Counselor Ylfe?” he spat, fighting hard from baring his fangs at her. A habit eroded from nearly a millennia of practice almost overturned just at the sight of her. “You know any discourse outside of the courtroom can result in a mistrial?”

“This isn’t about the trial, this is about your abject disdain for me, personally, it would seem.” She did it again, crossing her arms and swaying her hips in that tight little black pantsuit of her hers.

Astarion let his eye wander. There was something about her… not many females cut so fine a figure in trousers, or slacks or whatever the fuck they were now.

Not since… her. The other her in his life. His true love. That was the last time he even gave a woman a second glance.

Her hair hung over her shoulder, but now, up close, he could see two pointed ears peeking through her crown of long and flowing hair. Elf. High elf.

He locked eyes with her, that piercing shade… his mind raced and wandered… flying through ancient history for some, the warmest of memories for him. Emerald Grove, Shadow Cursed Lands, the real Baldur’s Gate…

“Didn’t you hear me, Your Honor?” she snapped at him.

Astarion shook his mess of silver locks, smiling in a way that no longer hid his fangs. “I’m afraid I was… lost in the sea of my long and winding memories… darling….”

That made her freeze solid. Her smooth face drew into an inscrutable expression, her cherry red lips parted… “What did you call me…?”

Only then did he realize the slip of his own tongue, how that pet name he vowed never to use flowed right off of it. “D-darling.” He repeated, as shocked as she was at the impropriety. “I’m sorry, Ms. Ylfe.”

“Don’t be,” she instantly replied with a shake of her head. Then she smiled, even as her brows furrowed. She looked at him, at his pale face and silver hair and… dark brown eyes…. “Have you always worn contacts, Mr. Ancunìn?”

“How…” but before he could interrogate that true suspicion, his microwave dinged.

“You better get your drink, Your Honor…” That lilt in her voice was new, he noted.

“I’ll wait,” he shrugged. “I can always reheat it later. First I’ll have to apologize for my… behavior today.”

“I should hope so,” she grinned, walking around and sitting on the edge of his desk. “Treating a lady with such disdain… only to about face and call her darling the next moment… seems something only a true, black-hearted rogue would do…”

“What?” he went rigid. Bending forward, that old instinct to fight or fly racing through his nerves after centuries.

“I’ve never been a fan of contacts,” she smiled so easily as she leaned back against the top of his desk, fingers splayed on his files and papers. “Better if you just showed the world your natural eyes, Mr. Ancunìn….”

His nostrils flared, his breath racing and head swimming. But this time there was no fucking tadpole, he knew that.

“What’s your name…” he hissed, narrowed eyes leveling at her.

“I can tell you, unless you’re bent on letting your stash of blood from getting cold…. Astarion.”

His hand flew to her neck, bringing her up into his face, fangs bared, hackles raised, every long suppressed vampiric sense firing on all cylinders now as he smelled her. “Name,” he commanded.

“Taveria Ylfe,” she swallowed under his hold. “But those close to me have always called me Tav….”

“Tav,” her name was a gasp in his throat.

“And I know you,” she said, breathy and quick. “I didn’t know how… but there was something about you that made me… unsettled.”

“Twenty-two objections later and you call yourself… unsettled?” he smirked, lightening his hold, but stroking his fingers on her skin.

Her skin.

“Well, darling,” she purred, "lifetimes of perfect memory for our kind, and I should have recognized my lover with the crimson eyes and pointed fangs.”

Astarion shook his head, swallowing the rising ball of emotion that caught in his throat. “I’d cry, but it’ll make my contacts hurt,” he gave a wet laugh. His thumb traced on the side of her neck, two circle marks in her flesh, like moles or scars…

“You found them, the brands I’ve have on my flesh ever since you, Astarion,” she added, eyes batting shut under his touch. “I’ve looked for you in every lifetime, my true love with roguish swagger, red eyes, pointed fangs, and massive…”

She paused, pursing her lips.

“Ego?” he offered as an answer, but she shook her head.

“Cock,” she grinned as she bit her lip.

“I was hoping you’d say that… darling…” He hissed as her hand grasped at the gusset between his legs. “Looking for your evidence?” he growled, a roll of his hips into the pressure of her touch. So ancient and familiar. “You’ll get it, darling, if you want it…”

“I do, Astarion,” she sighed, fingers stroking back and forth on the cotton of his pants, feeling that rising erection instantly straining back.

A monsterous growl in his throat, a burning hunger in his belly, he grasped at the back of her neck, pulling her against his lips.

The age-old dance, the same taste. Closing his eyes, his body transported a millennia ago… as if he could smell blood and woodsmoke and magic in the air mixed with her scent. Had he suppressed so much of his senses he couldn’t recognize her scent? Had he ignored the same beat of her heart in her chest, same musical rush of blood in her veins?

He shook his head to let all that go, realizing her hands already tore through her own blazer and button down, clothing now cast to the floor. Already, she had shimmied off the desk, pressing harder into his kiss. He waited for no further invitation, hands instantly sliding her slacks from her perfect curves, his own clothing suddenly feeling too tight and too abrasive.

Astarion only wanted her skin on him now. After so long. He couldn’t move fast enough, his reflexes had dulled from neglect, his dexterity a fraction of what it once was with her. But it, too, slowly crept back, his hands making quick work of his own clothes.

Suddenly, those fingers remembered the smoothness of her skin, rekindled their dexterity. His hand clawed into her hair, the other stroked down her belly, backing her perfect body to perch on the edge of his desk. The gasp he drew from her lips as he sank two fingers into her folds woke something feral in him, something ancient. Vampiric.

“Tav,” he hissed, nuzzing against the music of her artery, rubbing along the stream of her blood in her neck. “May I, please…”

“Mmm, I want to see your real eyes before you take anything of mine, Astarion,” she purred, arching against him. One hand splayed on the desk behind her, she smirked and watched. Never had anyone removed contacts so quickly, so dexterously.

As he blinked, her heart poured open. That scarlet glare, that tilted head, those mussy silver curls. “I can’t believe it’s you…” she sighed.

His eyes went wide, shining in his unshed tears and well of emotion. “I’m so tired of words, Tav,” he replied, voice cracking with that exhaustion and unbridled desire now. “Just give me all of you, to lose myself in, to lose these long and draining years in, years without you.”

Not another word as said, nothing but the groans of their joining once more, the shudder of their bodies as they fucked, the creaking of the wood beneath her as he slammed his hips against it. Cock buried deep in her cunt, fangs digging into her neck.

Both parts of her were hot and leaking. Blood spilled from his mouth once more—warm and fresh and sweetened with her taste. Arousal leaked into the wood beneath them, her musk and sweat the only perfume he longed to smell.

He swirled his tongue over his bite marks, fresh bleeding wounds that swallowed those scars she was born with. A lasting brand on her skin as she had forever been on his heart, his soul.

He couldn’t bring her close enough to him, fingers clawed into her ass to keep her from sliding away with his frantic thrusts. And she had already wrapped herself around his waist, already scratched up the places of his back that weren’t riddled with scars still. Clutching him tightly to never lose him again.

Their lips were sealed together, locked as they sucked and moved and danced in their ancient kiss, the taste of her blood sending them both reeling into oblivion. She keened as her walls spasmed around his cock, that familiar ripple and beat of her climax pressing against his every wild and erratic thrust.

His forehead resting against her shoulder, the scent of her blood there was the last little push he needed, losing himself in the trembling warmth and comfort and pull of her body. His cock pulsed hard inside her, thrumming against her muscles as he came harder than anything for a thousand years. Forcing his head back up, he locked eyes with her, face twisting and arms shaking as he came. Lips pulled back to show those glistening and reddened fangs.

Her hand braced hard at the back of his neck, keeping her with him as his hips thrust, slowing as he emptied into her. At last he stilled, a foolish, young smile on his gaping lips, lips he licked clean.

He would tell her sometime, how she had made his undead heart remember how to beat and love again twice now. How she brought him back to life over and over again. But with that haze in her eyes, the way she clenched still around his cock, he knew this wouldn’t be the end of their reunion.

Thank the gods.

Lips curling as she met her mouth in a kiss, she drew him in again for more. “I have a hotel…” she whispered.

“And I have a penthouse, darling,” came his instant reply between her ravenous caresses.

“Hmm,” she laughed deep in her throat, their kiss still working slowly, unable to break apart once more. “As long as you keep it cleaner than your tent once was, I accept. Someplace for us until the morning when we return to court…”

His fingers, coated in the scent of her arousal, stayed her mouth. “Tch, surely even a young thing like you knows this will end in mistrial now,” he smirked. “Not even I can think of a clause that allows for lost soul mates to continue in court after such…” he glanced at the mess between their legs, “…debauchery.”

“Oh well,” she feigned disappointment, sliding off to retrieve her clothes. “Worth it…”

Suddenly his arms gripped her, pulling her by the swell of her ass, flush against his naked body one more time. “It’ll be days before either of us must return to court… long, exhausting, pleasure-filled days, darling.”

Tav dove up for his kiss, standing in her tiptoes to meet that smirk that haunted her for centuries. “You better hurry me away to your place, Astarion, or someone will find us here making up for lost time.”

Reluctantly and with a deafening sigh, he relented, busying himself to dress again.

“Oh,” she commented, that taunting tone in her voice, “and don’t think I missed how you never answered it your place was still a mess of chaos again.”

He turned, shaking his head as he refastened his belt. “Well, even if you are disappointed in that regard, I can assure you…” he gave her that look, those half-lidded eyes, that sharpened fanged smirk, “you won’t be left wanting in other regards.”

#astarion x tav #modern au #astarion modern au #judge astarion #lawyer Tav #astarion fic #astarion fanfic #astarion smut #vampire spawn #astarion spawn #spawn astarion #bg3 #bg3 astarion #astarion bg3

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writingseaslugs · 10 months

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Octavinelle: When They're Sick

To all my Emetophobes out there...this does reference the thing but isn't described. They got food poisoning, but as someone with emetophobia it won't be heavily in this...at all. This is your warning though that if even slight mentions trigger you, go away. Floyd is probably the worst one of the bunch, so my apologies. I stan the man but we all know he can’t take care of himself.

Disclaimer: All characters in this series are aged up. For more information about my version of this world and the type of reader you can expect, please click the “Au Information” below!

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Octavinelle: When They’re Sick

You’d think that by now the members of Octavinelle would’ve learned that when Jade brought back a new mushroom to cook with, they should let him try it first. Of course Jade knew this, and oftentimes wouldn’t mention it was something new he found. This caused the two people closest to him to get that beautiful thing known as food poisoning. Not the most glamorous of sicknesses, but it was what they got for eating something that Jade made without questioning him more. Misery does love company it would seem.

Azul Ashengrotto

Azul is honestly mortified at the thought that he’s sick, especially with something like food poisoning. He refuses to accept it even though he clearly has it. He tells himself it’s just a bit of nausea and that’s all. That is until later when he’s chilling in the bathroom and he realizes maybe it wasn’t just nausea. This isn’t going to stop him though, he has too much work to do at the lounge so he’ll put up with it in order to get things done.

Initially he will be refusing any form of help. He is at his most vulnerable and disgusting moment in life and doesn’t want to be seen. He can delete photos of his past, but he can’t delete your memories of what you’ll witness. You’re going to have to force him to let you help him out one way or another because let’s be honest, something like food poisoning is going to put our poor, dear Azul out of commission for a while.

The moment you shine that beautiful bottle of twisted wonderland’s version of pepto in his face he’s grabbing it and hoarding it away. He’s not even going to question it as he pours the serving size into the little cup they give and downs it in one go. He might turn a bit green at the taste but he’ll keep it down in front of you.

Azul will originally be kindly denying any and all food until he’s confident he can keep something down. Even then, it can only be something bland. Unseasoned fish with rice will be his go to in this situation and he’ll thank you for making it. He will be questioning if Jade got to the dish beforehand, so reassure him that the culprit of his downfall didn’t touch it. He’s going to eat super slow and stop a few times to make sure it’s settling in his stomach, but once he knows he can eat he’ll actually eat.

He will be asking to form a contract with you. Something simple, you get whatever you want and in return, you can’t physically speak of what you witnessed. He’s desperate after having you see him that sick and he will be stressing about you possibly making fun of him. He’ll be playing it off cool, but inside he is absolutely dying. Just sign the contract and ask for something simple, like a free soda on Mondays at the lounge. It’ll be less stressful on him even though he has nothing to worry about with you.

Jade Leech

Jade knows he screwed up the moment he felt his stomach protesting. Honestly it’s not the worst he’s done when experimenting with mushrooms. He’s not hallucinating this time, so that’s a bonus. Still, he hates that disgusting feeling of nausea settling in him and he might become significantly more grouchy and ask to be alone. He’ll find a room away from Floyd while he’s sick just so nobody can interact with him. He’s more moody due to his own failings, and his normal cool demeanor goes away a little bit.

He’s going to try and be nice about it in his own way, mainly when he’s telling you to leave him alone. He won’t out right snap at you, that’s not what he does, but the frown on his face as he tells you that he doesn’t want to have any visitors is enough of a hint. If you nudge him some more and let him know you just want to help by getting him a few things he’ll need, he might let up due to not having the energy to argue back. As long as you make yourself sparse, he’ll allow it.

Jade has no issues with the medicines you bring him, but he will be reading the bottles thoroughly to make sure it isn’t something that might kill him. He doesn’t often get sick and this is the first time dealing with something like this while on land, so the medication they use is different. You might have to just pour him a shot and hand it to him or else he’ll be spending too long checking over things instead of just taking it. He’ll thank you though, so that’s a bonus.

He’s going to wait until his stomach stops flipping before he eats anything. He’s a firm believer in the BRAT diet after researching it and will only eat the things listed on it. Get him some apple sauce and a cut up banana to start things off. If he’s well enough to eat that means he’s finally getting back to normal. He’ll carry out a conversation with you at this point and not be forcing you out of the room. He might even thank you for helping him out despite his…testy attitude.

Once he’s better he’ll be fully back to normal and probably not discuss the incident too much. He’ll thank you of course, but after that he’ll act like it never happened. It’s probably for the best, he’d rather not have anyone around him when vulnerable like that, so having you take care of him was already something that was hard for him to accept. Easier to forget about it…if not for Floyd always bringing it up.

Floyd Leech

He is one of the most dramatic people when he’s sick, which is saying something. Unlike the others, he really doesn’t want to be alone. The moment he realizes what Jade did, he’s going to be overly emotional. He’s also not going to be listening to his body until it’s too late, which normally leads him to clinging onto a trash can on his bed with tears in his eyes because he didn’t realize he was about to be sick until five seconds before it happened. It’s also violent…very violent. It’s better to not be in the room and clear out.

If you’re brave enough to help him, you need to have a strong stomach and not have emetophobia. He’s not the one to run to the toilet so you’ll be having to take out a lot of trash bags while he’s sick. He also, for some ungodly reason, wants to cuddle while he’s sick. It’s not suggested, not just for his breath but there’s a chance if he’s curled up with you then he won’t have enough reaction time. So simply tell him to lay down and not get sick everywhere. Plus side is if you do have emetophobia, you can probably string Jade into cleaning up for his brother as long as he’s not sick as well.

He hates medicine, and he’s worse than a child. He wants to feel better, sure, but he doesn’t want to take gross medicine. You’re going to have to pop the medicine into a fridge to make it not taste as bad and then try and convince him that it’ll taste fine. If you lie to him he promises he’ll get you back once he’s better. Really he should be fine with taking medicine if he takes the potion to have legs, but he swears it’s only because he’s used to the other one’s bad taste. Plug his nose and force it down his throat if you have to.

Floyd only has two moods when he has food poisoning: he’s either going to eat whatever he wants and his body will force eject it ten minutes later, or he simply refuses to touch anything. Give him bland foods and monitor how fast he’s eating it. Best to just bring really small plates out for him so he doesn’t try to down it all in one go, if he’s even willing to eat. He’s a difficult patient to please.

Once he’s better, expect the world’s clingiest eel to ever exist. He’ll be wanting to go everywhere with you and thanking you for being such a good nurse. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t sleep for two days because you were making sure he was fine, he’s going to be wanting to spend every minute he has with you now. If you’re really that tired then he will just take a nap with you. Just…good luck getting away from him after he’s recovered. He likes to be taken care of and spoiled; he’ll almost be disappointed he’s better which is probably why he’s hanging around you right after. Anytime you turn and ask him how he’s feeling he gets all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

#Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland x Reader #TWST #TWST x Reader #TWST Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland Disney #TWST Disney #Azul Ashengrotto #Azul Ashengrotto x Reader #Azul x Reader #Jade Leech #Jade Leech x Reader #Jade x Reader #Floyd Leech #Floyd Leech x Reader #Floyd x Reader

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